#I love Squidward more than anything

[lake-fmoli]

♡I want you to stay♡

Sorry, I'm too lazy to post here, I'll try

For now, I show you a sketch of my Selfship

[dipperscavern]

(ok yeah ive sent like 4 asks already this morning IDGAF!!! it’s squidward anon btw i simply couldnt hold my thoughts in any longer. i’ll relinquish my time on the floor after this one🤭)

something something riding cregan for the first time😼 he’s just sooo BIG. and he works so hard, with the war coming up, he never rests enough or ever relaxes. he’s just got his pretty little wife (in comparison to him. literally u could be 6 feet tall and he still just engulfs you lawd.) who’s ready to go after a long day of not seeing each other and just climbs into his lap when he sits to take his boots off. a lil grinding (good for the soul) and making out and u can just tell he’s sooo tired. soft groans and sighs as u rake ur hands thru his hair and massage his scalp a lil. just the feeling of u in his lap has him like… boneless. lord he hasnt even put it in and ur both close 😭 so when u just unlace his trousers enough to slip him out and finally sit on him it’s like. lord he’s gonna break ur hip w that grip!!! oh and dont think u have control btw! if u think his ass isnt pickinng u up and dropping u back down on his cock girllll……. also thinks there’s nothing lovelier than his beloved wife, truly the most important thing in his life, on top of him. also the both sitting up pos is SOO personal😭 like ur breathing each other’s air and just sighing and moaning into each other’s mouths. u try to bury ur head in creagans neck and a big hand comes to the back of ur neck LLORDDD HOLD ON THE VISION!!! his arms wrapped around u, one across ur hips to guide u and the other around ur upper back to keep his grip on the back of ur neck to just keep u as close as possible. none of that leaning back and letting it happen.

ok yeah. need to take a WALK.

squidward anon i love u. i love u i love u i love u. THIS IS. ARFGH. JUST TAKE OVER MY BLOG AT THIS POINT. (also send five more asks pls my inbox is forever open!!!)

i so agree with the exhaustion thing. that’s how it happens the first time. with the realm in shambles he’s got so much to attend to. readying his grey beards to march, making sure the people have enough food for winter, usual lord duties & guarding the wall on top of that. omfg.

he’s so tired… but he also wants you — and you need him. you’re practically aching. he takes off his cloak, his gloves, and sheds most of his outer layers that protect him from the cold. he sits to take off his boots & that’s when you saunter over. greeting him with a small hug, and his head falls against your chest as he sighs. you can almost feel the exhaustion radiating off of him. he shifts after a moment, pulling you down onto his lap & connecting his lips with yours. he can’t help it, he needs to feel you. he sighs, deepening the kiss.

“Cregan..” you whine his name against his lips. “want you.”

his response is quick. “Have me.”

he slips his tongue in your mouth, and your hips begin to grind against his clothed cock. he groans at the feeling, his hands groping at the soft flesh of your waist. your hands rake through his hair, massaging lightly at his scalp & giving the occasional tug. he’s pliant, yet in control even in his exhaustion. he’s more reactive than normal, giving you breathless sighs & soft groans at your small ministrations.

you break the kiss, moving your hips off of him and cregan can feel the frustration bubbling beneath his skin. he wants you closer. as close as you can get. he’s about to pull you back to him when he sees your hands go to fumble with the laces of his trousers, and he grasps your intent. you unlace them just enough to free his cock, and his inhale at the feeling of your hand around him is sharp enough to cut butter. you don’t have to undress, already bare beneath your night-shift, a loose fitting robe that does a poor job of concealing anything. not that you’d ever hide from cregan, anyways.

you guide him to your entrance, sinking down on him, and cregans brows harden, eyes closing as a grunt spills from his lips. his hands are on your hips, hard in their grip, but he can’t help it. you’re killing him here. he sinks to the hilt, and you both take a moment to catch your breath. you’re tight, warm & wet around him, and he’s filled you, that delicious stretch that you love so much making you hiss.

“Let me see you.”

you hum in acknowledgment at his words, hand moving to undo the poorly tied center lace of your night-shift. as you do this, his hand comes to aid in sliding the material off of your shoulder. there’s something exhilarating about you being fully bare, and cregan remaining still fully clothed.

his hands begin to guide you, setting you up & down on his cock. you help where you can, lifting yourself when he guides you to do so. the pleasure is almost overwhelming, hot flames of desire licking up your spine at each drag of his cock. his hand comes to cradle your jaw, bringing you closer to connect your lips. your mouths move against each other, small moans & gasps exchanging between the both of you. he adjusts the angle, making his cock hit that spot that makes you whine, tensing with pleasure.

your head falls to the crook of his shoulder, muffling your moans against his skin. the hand that was cradling your jaw slides down to the back of your neck, keeping you flush against him.

& in this moment, cregan can’t think of anything he loves more than his wife. his sweet, gorgeous wife that just makes the loveliest noises when he’s sheathed deep inside her, and looks the prettiest when she’s cumming.

[thegoldencontracts]

(Not) A Stand-Up Guy

Summary: Your boyfriend is being insulted. Naturally, you defend him. Problem is... That's kind of hard.

Characters: Azul, Jade

Azul Ashengrotto

It was a peaceful day as you passed through the hallways to run a quick errand; delivering papers to Professor Crewel. The halls were almost completely deserted, every little sound echoing through the walls.

And one of those sounds was the sound of people insulting your boyfriend.

"Ugh," said some guy. "The damn crook. Can't believe people like him can be housewarden."

"We should beat him up." Silence. "I-I'm joking," said the other guy hastily. "Obviously, I know that wouldn't work with those goons of his. He's still annoying, though."

"His voice pisses me off."

"His voice?" Said another guy incredulously. "What about the fact that he's a terrible person?"

A terrible person was definitely an overstatement. Though he definitely had his flaws, Azul wasn't Satan incarnate or anything Iike that.

And- now that you thought about it, didn't these guys cheat off you during Alchemy? What were they doing insulting you boyfriend when they knew you could hear them? Didn't they have an ounce of respect?

...Or did they just think you were a pushover?

You were beginning to feel offended on your own behalf, too.

"Hey!" You said, turning to face them, closing the gap between you and the group of miscreants. "Don't talk about my boyfriend like that!"

"We're right," said one of the guys nonchalantly. You paused for a second.

He was a crook, and he did intentionally get on people's nerves. Curses.

"Uh, well-" You raised a finger to try and prove your point, except there was no point to prove. "He has a very lovely voice!"

"That he sweetens up to get on people's nerves," said a guy. He was right.

You paused for a second. They were right, weren't they?

No, no. You weren't going to let this slide.

"Still," you said, steeling yourself. Your voice instantly turned stony.

"Let's face it: Night Raven's a school of schemers. You're all probably up to no good yourself. Azul isn't particularly worse than any of you, nor is he the morally irredeemable prat you seem to think he is. He's insanely hardworking, and probably more talented than you could ever be, considering how often you all try to pull a fast one and look at my answers during tests."

You paused for a long breath, taking in their shock at your words—and the fact you knew about them cheating off of you.

"So," you continued. "If you're going to use me to cheat or whatever, at least don't talk shit about my boyfriend when I can clearly hear you."

That promptly shut them up.

"Sorry, sorry," one of them said. "So... You won't tell Professor Crewel about... Uh...?"

You beamed.

"We're all good!" You said, switching up your tone immediately. You had gotten what you wanted.

The guy sighed.

"T-Thanks," he said, not really caring about Azul so long as he could keept cheating off of you during Alchemy.

"No problem!"

You beamed, off on your merry way. And, afterwards, you bumped into none other than your darling himself, Azul.

"I saw your little skirmish earlier today," he said with a grin. You laughed.

"I'd stick up for you again," you said. He smiled. "Even if it is super hard to do."

The smile fell right off his face.

"You'd do well to cease this line of conversation."

"Nah," you said. "I think I'll keep talking about it some more. I'll talk about you being a crook, and how you talk like Squidward from SpongeBob sometimes, and-"

"Insolent cretin."

"I love you too, Azul."

Jade Leech

Getting to pick Jade's mushrooms was quite the pleasant experience. They were all so pretty, and the garden itself was so well taken care of, not to mention how much glee you felt at the thought of Jade trusting you enough to ask you to pick some of his precious mushrooms for him!

As you finished storing the last of the mushrooms—Lactarius Indigo, a really pretty one; edible too—you practically skipped back to Octavinelle. Oh, how you loved mycology. The world of fungi was really quite fascinating.

So why did everyone think they were creepy? At least, they did in this school. Seriously, mushrooms weren't just not creepy, they were awesome! Mushrooms were one of the key players in the ecosystem, a great source of food, so varied in utility it was insane, gorgeous, not to mention-

"Oh, look," some guy said." It's the creepier Leech's servant, here to collect his fucking poison mushrooms."

"Don't say that! They're supposed to be together!" Said another guy with a snicker. "They're totally equals, you guys."

Your eye twitched. You could hear them. They knew that, right?

No, no. You had to be calm about this. Move on, ignore them.

"I wonder what kinda blackmail he's got on his little servant-"

"Oh, shut up!" You said before you could stop yourself. You'd lost your temper.

One of the guys scoffed.

"Your precious little boyfriend's a creep, and you know it," he said. Another guy nodded along.

"Wasn't that there thing about him finding people's private online accounts or some shit?"

You grit your teeth. That was... True, actually. He did that, and he also messed with others for his own amusement.

Curses.

"It's just the truth," said one of the guys. You noticed the yellow band on his uniform. Savannaclaw.

You smirked.

"Were you or were you not in on it when your dorm orchestrated the mass accidents? What about the stampede on Diasomnia?"

His eyes widened.

"I- uh-"

"That's what I thought," you said. "Might want to shut it, then. You're not exactly a saint yourself."

With that, you walked off, making one last comment about how they'd never been in a healthy relationship before. Still, you couldn't help but sigh.

You hadn't actually won the argument. You just- deflected their point.

Then again, did those guys really have a point? This was Night Raven. What made the things Jade did any worse than the misdeeds of other students?

You were pulled from your lamentations by the sight of Jade Leech.

"Thank you for so bravely taking a stand on my behalf, dearest," he said with a teasing look that contained a vague trace of sincerity. How did he even get that information? Hell if you knew.

"No problem, my dear princess," you said with an entirely straight face. "On that note, your knight has brought the requested items."

You pulled out the bag of mushrooms, presenting them to him with a smirk.

"Please, accept this humble offering," you said. It was all too satisfying to catch the split second of frustration on Jade's face at you playing along. Turnabout was fair play, wasn't it?

But, of course, he had to keep playing along. It was actually pretty funny, to be honest.

"I accept, my darling knight," he said with a smirk. "Of course, I must reward you."

"And how exactly do you intend to go about doing that?"

Your question was promptly answered when he pulled you in for a kiss.

[flowerwiththemachinegun]

Very often I think about Sephiroth crawling in my bed and napping. Cause why not? Headcanons for Sephiroth Angeal Cloud Zack +Tseng and Rufus? if they have consistent access to your home. I doubt they’d do anything too invasive…that doesn’t go for Rufus and Tseng

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Zack

haven’t been paying enough attention to him he’s worried about you, you haven’t sent him your routine messages that let him know you made it to work or when you were heading home and that’s just weird. “What could be more important than thinking about me?”

Love him all you want, he’s eating your favorite snacks like a greedy little monster, it doesn’t matter if you buy enough to accommodate both of you. It takes a lot of food to fuel that man’s body, so that just means you started buying more for him to eat in addition to what he already steals right?

Doesn’t really snoop around while you’re gone but if something catches his attention he’s going to investigate. You’ll catch him with something in his hands that you haven’t seen in ages but still claims he doesn’t actually go through your things…sure buddy

Tries to straighten up messes, most of which he makes, but I dunno man. Something about Zack doesn’t scream world’s most tidy man and he doesn’t pay attention to fine detail. It’s the effort that counts right? He’ll at least take your trash out for you and clean up any obvious messes.

Will find him sprawled out on your couch waiting for you to get home, snoring and drooling all over the arm of your sofa…god he’s so fucking adorable and he’s just waiting for you to get home and cuddle him. After all you gave him a key for anything important.

Cloud

Yall know I’m making the “you like krabby patties don’t you squidward” face mhm..anyways are those most definitely your underwear in his hands that he’s so poorly trying to hide behind his back. Not to mention the underwear hanging out of his pocket. “You know Cloud,I heard you were a perv but fuck.”

After that day he didn’t use his key for a while. No, that’s not what he was there for originally. He was waiting for you to get to your home after an argument the two of you had on the phone to speak to you in person. Who knew that in his boredom his feet would led him to your drawers? There wasn’t too much to argue about anymore, not after asking if he wanted the ones on your ass too. He did and he got them off of you personally.

Will also straighten up things he sees in disarray, especially if he knows you like things a particular way. Will also feed and take care of any other needs your pet has if you have one. He gives your pet way more attention in private than he does around you.

The “Oh I fixed it” guy. If he isn’t there by the time you get back there might be a list of miscellaneous items he fixed. Eventually he stops making the lists considering you didn’t even realize what needed fixing and when, knowing that his actions are always appreciated.

Genesis

Because what more of an excuse does he need to freely enter your home than being Genesis? He’s coming to get your attention and recite Loveless to you while creating parallels between you and the words of his beloved epic.

Mad at him? Ignoring him? That’s not going to work, you better take that key back if you really don’t want him in your face. He’s not going to knock, sweet boy is coming straight in to fix whatever turmoil has risen between the two. Sometimes bearing gifts in these moments but he delivers you gifts when you’re not mad at him as well.

Noticed one thing isn’t very tidy, taken in account that perhaps you’ve been too tired or not in the best of moods lately. He’s going to end up cleaning your home just as he would keep his own. It’s the least he can do to help his darling.

Somehow makes your entire home smell like him, it’s like he has a Febreze can of himself that he sprays around the place. It’s just him spraying his cologne everywhere to mark his territory like a cat.

Sets up cute dates for when you arrive. This is especially convenient considering the two of you have such busy/conflicting schedules. Making sure to take care of anything around your home so you can solely focus on unwinding from the events of the day and on him.

Sometimes you’ll come home to fresh flowers sitting on your living room table. Along with a sickly sweet note, a quote from Loveless thrown in, and addressed to “his goddess”.

Angeal (ily break into my home pls I just wanna talk)

The master at taking care of his “beautiful liege”. Originally got a key to your home to pick up some things you needed for work but seeing the disarray of your apartment causes him to pause. It doesn’t bother him but if you needed help being taken care of you should have asked. Poor baby feels bad for not noticing that he needs to take care of you far more than he already does.

Yeah, you actually never got the things you needed for work that day. Only receiving a short text from Angeal claiming he would “be there soon”. Stepping into your home you can’t help but notice that it smells amazing. Beginning your trek to the couch toss your things down you go to step over some books that you swear were going to get picked up two weeks ago. Looking around you can’t help but notice the whole apartment is spotless. No longer able to hold the irritation you held with Angeal for bailing on you earlier, as you realize why he never showed up.

He refuses to give you back “his” your key after this. He won’t enter without your permission of course, even if you’re home, the man’s polite after all. Certainly wont go through your things unlike Cloud and Zack but can often be found curled up in your bed if it takes a while for you to get home.

You already know this man is cooking for you, normally timing when he’ll finish a meal with the time you get home so it’s fresh cause he “needs the best for his baby”. He’ll also do things like having a bath running for you, will join if you want him to, he’ll wash you up himself since you “shouldn’t have to lift another finger today”. Once again due to such a busy and conflicting schedule this is the easiest routine for you two.

Sometimes it seems like he lives there, seemingly spending more time at your place than at his own. Which is just fine with him, home is where his heart belongs, and his heart belongs with you.

Sephiroth (the cutest one idk i usually write my favorite one last but between Angeal, Seph and Rufus+Tseng idk) {After Genesis goes missing to highlight his emotional state}

To say the look on that man’s face was stressed was an understatement. As you walked into his office, immediately asking our dear Sephi what was wrong. Not one to go into too much detail Sephiroth explains he’d just like to be alone. That right now everything is a bit much for him to deal with and he doesn’t want to be found “unless it’s by you”. Prompting you to offer up your apartment, knowing nobody would look for him there.

Hesitant to accept your offer because he doesn’t want to intrude or make himself an inconvenience to you. A statement that makes you roll your eyes because Sephiroth could never be a bother. It doesn’t take much convincing for him take your keys and disappear from the Shinra building.

When you get home Sephiroth you can tell he’s made himself at home. His shirtless form opens the door for you, giving you a quick kiss and asking how your day has been. Noting that he looks a bit more well rested than he did earlier. As you walk around you can kind of tell what he’s been up to, a few of your books are sitting on the couch along with his laptop. Nothing out of the ordinary really, asking what he’s been up to and if he’s feeling better.

Scooping you up in his arms he carries you to the bedroom, stating that he’s just been “waiting for you”. Giggling at the sight of your bed you gawk at him asking “did you make a pillow fort?!” He actually looks a little prideful when he tells you he did and that “the structural integrity is absolutely astounding.” He’ll only let you leave the fort for good reasons, either food or the bathroom seems to be the only things he lets you get up for so far.

In the morning you give him a spare key, telling him to feel free to use it whenever. And that he does, the next day finding him cocooned in your blankets on the couch. The only thing you can see is his beautiful green eyes peeking at you from his nest of blankets. Hiding in your home definitely becomes a routine for him, only going to his own for clothes and whatever other items he may need. Spending a few nights at his own place every so often to give you space (that you never needed he just worries). Just a few nights every so often though cause why does he need to be there “when everything I want is here”

Rufus+Tseng (they’re definitely a package deal, can’t tell me otherwise) ffff-hi Reno you weren’t supposed to be here but my mind has now put you here

You certainly didn’t give these guys access to your home. Walking through your apartment after a long day, to what you thought was going to be a relaxing evening. Instead being greeted by a massive guard hound, well that wasn’t on your schedule but it seemed to get penciled in “what the fuck is that?” You can’t help but spit out, reaching for your pistol only to be interrupted by a foreign voice

“Now don’t be rude Y/N. The things you just got done doing are far more terrifying than my DarkStar.” Your eyes immediately darting around to find the owner of that voice- Who is this pretty blonde fuck sitting on your couch? Legs crossed, arm propped against the arm rest with his head held up by his hand. It’s almost like he’s trying to look as disinterested as possible in…whatever it was they were here for.

Not to mention the guy standing beside him, long black hair pulled back neatly…yeah, that’s just screaming to be pulled. Drawing his weapon the minute you reached for your own, telling you to drop it and to step towards them slowly. As you start taking steps towards the duo your arm is grabbed and being twisted behind your back. Their chest rumbling against your back as they chuckle.

“Oh, this one is so cute. How do we feel about ‘em bossman?” craning your neck to get a look at your assailant, being greeted by a red head with a goofy grin on his face. My god he was easy on the eyes as well. Sporting a suit similar to the raven haired man, his shirt unbuttoned, leaving his chest deliciously exposed. If it weren’t obvious you were in danger you might’ve thought you were in for a treat. Jumping a bit as his other hand starts roaming your body. Letting out a chuckle as Reno speaks stating that he’s “just checking for weapons, ya know how it goes. Unless..” his tone turning flirtatious to be cut off swiftly by Tseng, requesting you take a seat.

Reno, as the gentleman he is, assists you in your seat. All but shoving you down as he leaves his hands resting on your shoulders. You make it clear not to him “mishandle the merchandise” only for him to tell you he “can do better later.” Quickly shutting down the interaction between Reno and yourself finally asking who they were and why they were here. Rufus does a majority of the talking he is the center of attention of course, going into detail about how the Turks have been tracking you for the past year. Going through the list of atrocities you’ve committed along with some pretty damning evidence.

“Wow, you kill a few people and now the government is breaking into your home? I don’t know if this is really warranted.” At that comment you receive a rather pointed glance from Tseng and a raised eyebrow from Rufus. Finally getting to the point after Tseng lectures you on how this is a serious matter and there’s no time to play. They offer you a job with them, “redemption” as Rufus called it. While sure you’re a criminal, you indirectly solved a lot of their problems and you’re the final loose end they needed secured. “Or, you can go back to prison, but this time for the rest of your life.”

Though Tseng made it clear, if you can’t pass their training and be a successful member of the Turks you’ll be going prison anyway. Your smarts and ability to have snuck through the system this long is what got their attention drawn to you, well Rufus’ attention. Tseng thinks picking up “low-life criminals” to join their forces is far below them. Besides, they don’t really need you anyways, they just want you.

————————————————————————

Crying cause I hate I can tell when I first started writing this and when I finally found it and finished. Saving things to drafts seems like a dangerous game I won’t be playing again. I couldn’t think of anything to add to characters I already wrote for. Definitely making the last hc something bigger and is now main priority.

[the-autistic-vulcan]

They Called It Puppy Love: Headcanons (Simu!Ken x Shy!Reader)

Request: Hello 💕 I wanna request a Simu!Ken please - Simu!Ken (Barbie) where he's dating a new Barbie shyreader and Barbies & Kens find it adorable that Simu!Ken follows her like a lost puppy and just deeply in love with her, please?

Genre: Fluff

Description: Headcanons for Ken and a timid s/o

a/n: he's so cute <3

Pre-Relationship:

Upon knowing of Ken's existence in Barbieland, there was a definite: He was a damn show-off

And a cute one on top of it - and that did annoy you

You were a lesser know Barbie that was released and, let's say, didn't fly off the shelves

You were pretty happy in your own little corner by the library and you always kept to yourself

Ken noticed you...eventually

It was another perfect day in Barbieland, you were simply walking on the pier near the beach, your eyes down and not making any move to speak to people

Then he saw you, the beachball bounced off of his head in an instant

He found it quite cute that you were doing anything to avoid talking to people, so, he did what he did best - showed off his beach skills

And with enough oomph in his step, you finally looked up and saw

His smile beaming with comfidence

Was that a wink? Hell yeah!

Your face was bright red, your palms sweaty, your breath quickened - *in squidward's voice* OH NO HE'S HOT!

He then approached you after to talk to you

"Hi, hi there, I'm Ken - you know, from beach?"

"Yeah, I know..."

It may have been only a few sentences after and then he asks

"Do you, uh...do you know how to play volleyball?"

"...No, I'm, um, I'm not a Beach Barbie..."

"Huh...can I teach you?"

And the rest is history

In Relationship:

He follows you around

Not in a 'ooo I like here, let me invade her privacy' kind of way

But he follows you like a lost puppy - all bright-eyed, a big smile on his face and not so subtly praising you for the bare minimum

Like, you could be doing the most basic thing like reading and he's just looking at you with heart eyes

Dates usually consist of watching him do beach things like volleyball, surfing and such

But that doesn't mean he won't do anything else

One of your favourite things to do is to simply sit in silence, enjoying the company of someone else

That soon became a mandatory ritual for the both of you

He calls you "baby, love, sweetie, darling", like, all the basic ones

He also is a GOD at respecting boundaries when they're put in place

He is a touchy-feely guy and he likes to hold you in any way he can and any time he can

But if you quietly tell him 'no', he will immediately move away

But if you're craving a little extra touch, he's more than happy to oblige

This was adorable! Anything you wish to request, go to my inbox!

Please like and reblog! Do not pass this as your own.

[corroded-hellfire]

OMG Wait for thé As You Wish baby Eliza idea fics I was thinking about something like this: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRTyDcC5/

All of the Munson family is on the floor lined up and cooing at baby Eliza to crawl/walk towards one of them to see who she favors more.

Eliza Munson is now an obsession of mine. I love her almost as much as Eddie does. @munson-blurbs and I had so much fun (as we always do together) writing this and having the little Munson family get weird and have fun 🩷

Words: 1.2k

[As You Wish masterlist]

“Come on, Eliza,” Luke says with a sigh. He pulls out the chair next to her highchair and plops down in it. “Why won’t she just eat it?”

“Would you want to eat strained peas?” Ryan asks, brandishing the label on the baby food jar at his little brother. “It probably tastes worse than normal peas.”

Luke hops up and dips his pinky into the jar. He sticks it in his mouth and immediately pulls it right back out. His face scrunches up in repulsion and he makes a gagging sound. “Yep. Definitely worse.”

“Don’t make that face in front of her!” Ryan chides. “She’ll never want to eat it!”

But the little giggles from the highchair have both boys turning to look at their sister. Her big eyes are focused on Luke as he makes his face of disgust. 

“You think that’s funny, huh?” Luke says, leaning in towards the nine-month-old. “You like when I make silly faces?” He puckers his lips together like a fish, which has Eliza giggling even harder. “You love me so much, don’t you?” Luke swore he’d never cave in and use the baby-talk voice that everyone else uses with his sister, but that didn’t last very long. Now he uses it almost every time he talks to her. 

“All right, Eliza,” Ryan says, bringing a small spoonful of the unappetizing green baby food up towards her lips. “You gonna have some food now? Have some yummy lunch?”

“Don’t lie to her,” Luke says, making Ryan roll his eyes. 

“Don’t listen to him,” Ryan tells the baby. “Gonna open up? Yeah, there you go.” Eliza holds her tiny mouth open long enough for Ryan to feed her the peas. Eliza makes a face at the unpleasant taste on her tongue and smacks her lips together a few times, but she doesn’t spit it out. 

“Yes!” Ryan cheers. “I did it! I got her to eat her vegetables.”

“Well, yeah,” Luke says with a scoff. “Because I made her laugh.”

“She laughs at anything. The other day, I unzipped my coat and she laughed so hard that she farted,” Ryan retorts, bringing another small spoonful of peas to his sister’s lips. 

Luke pouts, sticking his tongue out at Ryan. “You’re just jealous because I’m obviously her favorite.”

“Ha! In your dreams.”

“Wanna bet?”

That’s how you and Eddie find your three children sprawled out on the family room floor. Luke and Ryan are on one side, and Eliza’s on the other. 

“C’mon! Come over here!” Ryan calls out, motioning the baby towards him. “You can do it, Eliza!”

“Do I even wanna know what you two are up to?” Eddie asks, smirking at the boys. 

“Trying to see which one of us is her favorite,” Luke casually replies, as though this is a normal occurrence. 

“Ah, well, at least you’re not training her for some sort of horse racing thing with babies,” Eddie laughs, scratching at the stubble on his chin. “Anyway, don’t worry about who her favorite is.”

“She loves us equally,” you remind them with a patient smile. 

But Eddie rolls his eyes playfully. “Uh, no. I was gonna say that they don’t need to worry about it because I’m clearly the favorite.”

“Ha!” you bark out. “Remember whose body housed her for nine months and produced food for her. I literally gave her life. Therefore, I should be the favorite.”

“You should be,” Eddie says, a glimmer of mischief dancing in his eyes, “however, you’ve neglected to account for the fact that she’s a total daddy’s girl.”

Ryan’s next to speak up. “Well, I’m the one who named her. If you left it up to Luke, we’d be calling her Squidward.”

“Only if she was a boy!” Luke protests. “Besides, I make her laugh the most. She knows I’m funny, so I’m her favorite.”

Eddie turns to you. “I think there’s only one way to settle this,” he says with a shrug. 

“I think so,” you agree. Turning towards the boys, you motion for them to scoot down so that you can get down on the floor next to them. Eddie scoops up Eliza from where she’d wandered over towards the toy box in the corner of the room. He straightens the tiny black Metallica shirt she’s wearing and sits her down in the middle of the room. 

“Here we go,” he says, pressing a kiss to her head before coming over to get on the ground next to you. “Okay, on the count of three, everyone start calling for her. Ready? One, two, three.”

“Come on, baby!” you call, making grabby hands for your daughter.

“Eliza! C’mere to Daddy, baby girl!”

“Hey, hey, Eliza!” Luke coos. “Over here!”

“You know you love your big brother Ryan! Come here!”

Eliza stays seated in her spot, her eyes roaming over her four family members, wondering what in the hell they are doing. She’s seen some weird things in her nine months, but never this. 

“Luke, stop making funny faces. You’re distracting her!” Ryan says.

“I’m trying to get her to come over here!” he responds. 

The baby finally pushes herself into a crawling position and starts to move. The four older family members practically hold their breath as they wait to see in what direction she’s headed. Eliza veers to the right, headed towards Eddie. Her father lets out an evil, triumphant laugh and grins as she gets closer. 

“That’s right, baby. Show them Daddy is your favorite.” But then her movements pause, and Eliza begins to head towards her mother.

“Yes!” you say, encouragingly. “That’s my sweet girl!” You shoot a smirk over your shoulder at Eddie. “You were saying?” 

Eliza starts crawling towards you, but Ryan starts drumming his hands against the carpet and that catches her attention. Her course once again changes, and she heads towards her brothers.

“No!” you say. “Don’t betray me! My only daughter!”

“Uh, mine too, ya know,” Eddie says from the other side of you. “Eliza, remember who always sings you to sleep.” He launches into the chorus of “Enter Sandman,” headbanging while the little girl giggles. 

Your heart sinks as Eliza starts towards him, but she immediately stops crawling when she hears the knock at the door and sits back on her diaper-padded bottom. 

“That must be Wayne,” Eddie says. He’d invited him over for dinner, and the older man never turns down an opportunity to see his grandkids. “Come in!” he calls out, not moving from his spot on the floor. 

The doorknob twists as Wayne enters, heavy-footed in steel-toed boots. His gaze is drawn immediately to the five of you on the floor. 

“What on God’s green Earth did I walk into?”

Luke’s the only one not remotely embarrassed. “Trying to see who Eliza loves the most,” he casually explains. 

Before Wayne can formulate a response, the baby does an about-face and crawls directly to him. She sits at his feet, making grabby hands and whining so he’ll pick her up. 

“Huh,” Wayne says with a grin. “Wouldja look at that.  Seems like Miss Eliza chose me!”

The rest of you groan and grumble, erupting into a chorus of not fairs. 

“Does this mean that Grampa Wayne is her favorite?” Luke asks, unable to hide his envy. 

Wayne laughs, tickling his granddaughter’s feet. “C’mon, you didn’t need a competition to know that!”

Eliza claps her hands together clumsily in agreement. 

“The princess has spoken,” Eddie begrudgingly agrees. A glint of mischief flickers across his deep brown eyes as he looks at his uncle. “Unfortunately, the prize is changing her diaper. And, uh, she’s really been into prunes lately, so…” he claps a hand on Wayne’s back. “Congrats!”

[gaywriterthings]

SquidBob Master List: Your SpongeBob SquarePants Guide to SquidBob Episodes

NOTE: Some episodes that focus on Squidward and SpongeBob's relationship are not counted either because of there being other characters directly involved too* (like "Naughty Nautical Neighbors"), Squidward is only shown to dislike/strongly hate SpongeBob or their relationship is not painted in a very positive light (like "Restraining SpongeBob" or "Employee of the Month"), their relationship is painted in a pretty neutral light/there's nothing special to note there** (like "Just One Bite"), the episode is focused mainly on Squidward (like "Squid's Day Off"), or because of the episode just being bad/universally disliked or there being a bunch of Squidward torture (like "Smoothe Jazz In Bikini Bottom" or "Abandon Twits"). I made this list to focus on their friendship and for people who like the ship, so only episodes that actively do that a positive are going to be listed, even if they just have one notable scene.

I will also provide descriptions for those who don't just want to watch the episodes for themselves, so that means there will be spoilers ahead. The descriptions of the episodes will be focused on Squidward (with a few exceptions), as it's far, far, far more apparent in the show how much love and care comes from SpongeBob's side of the relationship. What I want to highlight here is that there's a lot of love and care coming from Squidward's side too, despite how less it's shown.

*One episode I was thinking about including, season 11's "Mustard O' Mine," was removed because it technically falls under this category. However, I will label it before we begin as an honorable mention, as it's a Krusty Krab related adventure starring SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick where Squidward gets along very, very well with both of his neighbors and is shown to be incredibly happy for a good chunk of the episode's time. It is very good by season 11's standards.

**Another episode I was thinking about including, season 13's "Food PBBFT! Truck," was removed because it technically falls under this category, as I surprisingly couldn't find anything special to note about it during my rewatch. I wanted to label it as another honorable mention though, since it's one of those "SpongeBob and Squidward Krusty Krab adventures," one of my favorite episode genres. It's like "SpongeBob in RandomLand," but more tame and taking place in Rock Bottom. It is pretty good by season 13's standards.

I will try my best as someone who's shipped SpongeBob and Squidward for years to remain unbiased, only stating the facts of what happens in each episode and none of my personal opinions or interpretations, other than an emoji to let you know which ones are my favorites. However, if you would like to know more about what I think of any particular episode on this list, please let me know and I will be very, very happy to talk about it.

With all that said, please enjoy!

KEY:

⭐️ - Classic Episode

🍔 - Krusty Krab Related Episode/Adventure

🩵 - Caring Squidward

💕 - My Personal Favorites/Recommendations

❣️ - Specific Notable Scene

1. ⭐️🍔🩵💕 Pizza Delivery - Season 1

As the title suggests, Squidward is thrust into a pizza delivery with SpongeBob, during which two quickly get lost, and he makes known how adamant he is of disliking the entire situation. However, in the end, when he watches a customer act terribly mean to SpongeBob for forgetting a drink he never even ordered, Squidward is immediately shown to be worried about him. Upon seeing him break, fall to the ground, and sob, Squidward becomes furious, and pays the customer his karma for what he had driven SpongeBob to by slamming his pizza in his face.

2. ⭐️🩵❣️ SB-129 - Season 1

Though this episode happened because Squidward was trying to get away from SpongeBob, in the end, when there's no way for Squidward to get back home, he realizes just how much he actually misses him. Saying so out loud is what ultimately does bring him back home, where he then tells SpongeBob (and Patrick) they don't know how happy he is to see them.

3. ⭐️🩵❣️ Fools In April - Season 1

Though Squidward pulled a horrible prank on SpongeBob in this episode that drove him to tears, he soon begins to feel very bad about it, saying he never meant to make SpongeBob cry. However, he has difficulty telling him he's sorry, but his conscience and sheer amount of guilt eventually drive him to run to SpongeBob's house and shout through the door, saying three times he's sorry and that he never meant to hurt him, but in fact likes him, likes living next door, and likes hearing his foghorn alarm in the morning and his high pitched giggling at night.

4. ⭐️🩵💕 Dying For Pie - Season 2

Once Squidward is told by Mr. Krabs that SpongeBob is going to die by the end of the day, he immediately becomes very scared and worried. He begins to freak out and cry, and tells Krabs that he's going to "make SpongeBob's final hours the best he's ever had", and that there's gonna be so much love "he's gonna drown in it". He then asks SpongeBob what the most fun thing he can think of is and spends the entire day with him doing everything on his "friendship list," a list he keeps of the fun things he likes to do. It is incredibly obvious just how much Squidward genuinely doesn't want SpongeBob to die, and when he finally thinks he has, he immediately begins to sob. He shows nothing but care for him almost the entire episode.

5. ⭐️ Squidville - Season 2

Though Squidward finally moves out of Conch Street in this episode, he's quickly shown to find his new life in Tentacle Acres boring and repetitive. SpongeBob is still on his mind, something as simple as the sound of a reef blower making Squidward think he's there. He realizes he prefers the life on Conch Street with someone like SpongeBob, as different from him he may be, rather than the life in Tentacle Acres with other octopi just like him. In the end, he becomes the "SpongeBob" of Tentacle Acres before ultimately moving back home by the next episode.

6. ⭐️🩵💕 Christmas Who? - Season 2

Despite how jerky Squidward acts towards SpongeBob in this special, once SpongeBob tells him he made something for him so he "wouldn't be left out when Santa came", his whole attitude changes. Once he opens the gift and calls it "the greatest gift he has ever gotten,” Squidward realizes how just awful he'd been acting. He realizes all SpongeBob had wanted was to spread a little joy, and despite still not liking the holiday, Squidward then dresses up as Santa to convince SpongeBob his wish really did come true. He tells him that he was the one who brought Christmas to Bikini Bottom, causing him to become so happy he faints. Squidward then keeps this Santa charade up for the rest of the episode, "giving away all his stuff just so SpongeBob wouldn't be sad." The episode ends with Squidward playing the clarinet SpongeBob had made for him.

7. ⭐️🍔💕 Graveyard Shift - Season 2

SpongeBob and Squidward are together the entire episode and get along fairly well, with Squidward teasing SpongeBob and telling him a fake story to scare him during the night shift, letting him know it was a joke when he got too scared. Later on when they believe the story had become real, Squidward holds on to SpongeBob and tells him he's "always sort of liked him."

8. ⭐️🍔💕 Krab Borg - Season 3

SpongeBob and Squidward get along very well in this episode. When SpongeBob tells Squidward he believes Mr. Krabs is a robot, Squidward, although not really believing him, keeps up conversation with him and goes along with his attempts to prove to him that Krabs is a robot. After Squidward is finally convinced, he works together with SpongeBob to interrogate who they think is Robot Krabs and get him to tell them what he did with the Real Krabs. After SpongeBob tells Squidward that the robots in the scary movie he watched that led to all this ended up being in the characters' imagination, he makes up a lie to excuse himself and leaves Squidward behind with an angry Krabs, and he doesn't even get mad at him for doing so.

9. ⭐️❣️ Born Again Krabs - Season 3

After Mr. Krabs breaks his deal with the Flying Dutchman, he angrily shows up at the Krusty Krab. After SpongeBob sticks up for him, the Flying Dutchman tells Krabs that he'll give him another chance if he helps him settle a bet. He then makes him choose between SpongeBob and all the money he has in his pocket- which ends up being 62 cents- and Krabs immediately chooses the money. After the Flying Dutchman takes SpongeBob to Davy Jones's locker, Squidward is angry at Krabs for letting it happen and stands up for SpongeBob. He tells Krabs he should be ashamed of himself for what he had done, and makes him feel remorse for his actions.

10. ⭐️💕 The Two Faces of Squidward - Season 5

SpongeBob and Squidward get along very, very well the whole episode. Though Squidward is initially angry at SpongeBob for hitting him with a door and landing him in the hospital, once he realizes he has become handsome, he leaves the hospital with SpongeBob and hangs out with him for the rest of the day. Squidward is smiling the entire time, not once finding SpongeBob's presence annoying or getting angry at him. The next day, when Squidward realizes the Bikini Bottomites adore him too much, he runs to SpongeBob's house to get away from them and ask him for help.

11. ❣️ Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful - Season 7

When SpongeBob offers to help Squidward with his community service, he cleans up every single piece of trash in town for him. Squidward is shown to be very shocked and grateful and tells SpongeBob he "hates him a little less now," to which SpongeBob tears up at and tells him it was a "beautiful thing to say". Even after Squidward finds out what he had done with all the trash, in the end, when he sees it had caused Squilliam's statue to melt, he thanks SpongeBob a third time.

12. 🩵❣️ Sponge-Cano! - Season 7

After SpongeBob sings a song to Squidward all about being grateful for the life he is living, Squidward tells him that "being his neighbor leaves him with nothing to be grateful for." He soon tells him he doesn't want his help ever again, and SpongeBob obeys his wishes. However, as the episode nears its end and Squidward is about to fall into a volcano and SpongeBob is the only one who can help him out, he lets him know that he does appreciate his friendship and he is grateful, even quoting his song and saying "I am grateful for the life I am living, who knows how long I will have it?" and reminding him that he learned that from him. After SpongeBob pulls Squidward to safety, he tells him he always knew he felt that way and thanks him for opening up to them.

13. Love That Squid - Season 7

This episode is all about Squidward crushing on a sophisticated female octopus named Squilvia. SpongeBob offers to help him when he has difficulty asking her out, and he lists to Squilvia all the reasons why one should want to date Squidward, concluding with the fact that he knows "anyone who is lucky enough to go on a romantical date with him would get to experience things on a whole 'nother and very special level". After this gets Squilvia to agree to go on a date with Squidward, SpongeBob puts on a wig and a dress and takes Squidward on a "practice date" to prepare him for his real one. Squidward goes along with this, and stays fairly calm throughout the whole date. Though he does get angry at SpongeBob at the end, when he realizes Squilvia had overheard his outburst and finds him dreamy because of it, his anger immediately fades and he gushes to SpongeBob about it, leaving him happy for him.

14. Are You Happy Now? - Season 8

SpongeBob acts nothing but nice, caring, calm, and patient towards Squidward in this episode, more so than he has in any other. Concerned after Squidward tells him he doesn't have a happiest memory, the two cry together before SpongeBob offers to help him create one, which Squidward accepts. With each try, something goes wrong the second Squidward begins to feel happy that instantly crushes his mood, but nothing that happens is SpongeBob's fault in any way. When the two return to Conch Street, Squidward concludes that he will never have a happiest memory and retreats into his house for two weeks. Not once during those two weeks does SpongeBob invade Squidward's personal space or try to check up on him like he would in any other situation. He lets him have that time to himself because he understands he needs to leave him alone, and only tries to get a hold of him once he becomes concerned and fears the worst.

15. 💕 Hello Bikini Bottom! - Season 8

In this special, SpongeBob and Squidward go on tour with Mr. Krabs as their cheap manager and Patrick as their dimwitted roadie. Though there are a lot of things in this episode that don't necessarily go Squidward's way and he was shown to complain a lot, he got along fairly well with SpongeBob almost the entire time. It was evident in his face how happy he was during his first gig when he was duetting with him in the supermarket. More and more things begin to go wrong on their tour, however, and after their tour bus drives off a cliff suffering a flat tire with no spares available, Squidward finally decides he's had enough and begins to walk back home to Bikini Bottom. Saddened after his failed attempts at getting him to stay, SpongeBob hops up onto the top of the bus with his ukulele and begins singing a song directed at Squidward with a self-explanatory title of "Never Give Up." About 40 seconds in, the song turns into a duet between the two of them, during which Squidward decides to turn around and head back to SpongeBob. The song ends with the two of them playing their instruments together, and comes to a close after Squidward joins SpongeBob on the top of the tour bus. Squidward is pleasantly surprised at the way their duet sounded, telling SpongeBob "that was actually kind of good", before the two raise their hands to high five.

16. 🍔 The Sewers of Bikini Bottom - Season 9

SpongeBob and Squidward get along pretty well basically right from the start of the episode. Almost immediately, they begin to have a sort of childlike fun together flushing random stuff down the toilet in the Krusty Krab's bathroom, smiling wide and laughing. When they accidentally flush Mr. Krabs' safe containing the secret formula, however, they begin to freak out and Squidward tells SpongeBob to go retrieve it. After he steps into the toilet and flushes himself, Squidward realizes the severity of what he had done, and tells himself that flushing SpongeBob down the toilet was "despicable, even for him," and then flushes himself to go after him. As the two of them begin to make their way through the sewers, they continue to get along well, and Squidward goes along with every little thing that happens without question, remaining fairly chill about his situation right up to the end of the episode.

17. ❣️ The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water

Whenever SpongeBob and Squidward are together in this movie, they get along pretty well. After SpongeBob turns them all into superheroes, Squidward loves how buff he becomes, and is very upset to lose all that muscle when they return home to Bikini Bottom. Back there, however, SpongeBob tells him not to be sad and that he left him a little surprise under his shirt. After Squidward lifts his shirt to reveal rock hard abs, he smiles wide and playfully punches SpongeBob on the shoulder, telling him he's "okay in his book."

18. Out of the Picture - Season 10

SpongeBob is the only one in this episode to show genuine interest in and love of Squidward's art, both convincing Mr. Krabs to hold Squidward's art show at his restaurant and buying one of his paintings because "he loves it". Despite the things Mr. Krabs puts Squidward through in this episode, he doesn't catch on to the fact that Krabs is trying to get him killed and remains pretty chill about it all. That is, until Krabs gives up and just starts chasing him with a mallet, during which SpongeBob is on Squidward's side and is determined to keep him safe no matter what. All in all, the two get along very well the entire episode.

19. 🍔 The Check-Up - Season 11

In this episode, SpongeBob and Squidward work together to give Mr. Krabs his physical without his knowledge because of his fear of check-ups. While working together, the two get along well, and Squidward never really gets mad at SpongeBob at any point in the episode.

20. 💕 Squid Noir - Season 11

SpongeBob and Squidward become hard- boiled detectives in this episode, getting along fairly well the entire time. They work together, side by side the whole episode, to solve the mystery of who stole Squidward's clarinet after it goes missing.

21. 🍔 Bottle Burglars - Season 11

SpongeBob and Squidward get along pretty well the entire episode. After they accidentally throw away the secret formula and Plankton finds it, they work together to sneak into the Chum Bucket to steal it back. Though they fail, Squidward goes basically the entire episode without complaining or getting mad at SpongeBob, simply just working with him to accomplish what they need to.

22. 🍔 Sanitation Insanity - Season 11

After a trash problem at the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs is sentenced to pick up all of the trash around Bikini Bottom. Instead of doing so himself, he orders SpongeBob and Squidward to do it for him. Though Squidward makes it known that he doesn't want to do that job, he gets along well with SpongeBob the entire time, simply going along with everything that comes his way.

23. 🩵❣️ Appointment TV - Season 11

In this episode, SpongeBob is in a rush to get home after a long day at work to watch a never before seen episode of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy that is airing on TV that night. However, he is constantly stopped by people asking for his help, and by the time he finally gets home, he has missed the airing and finds that his VCR had gone haywire, causing things to burst into flames and rendering him unable to watch the episode. He begins to cry loudly and says his life now has no meaning, and all of his friends- including Squidward- immediately begin to feel guilty for taking advantage of him and his kindness. They then work together to create a live performance of the episode for him, Squidward reprising his role of Dr. Negative from the season 10 episode "Mermaid Pants," and SpongeBob, in tears by the time the show is over, tells them he "loved the love they showed him."

24. 🩵❣️ Pineapple RV - Season 12

Although Squidward is mad with SpongeBob (and Patrick) almost the entire episode, near the end when he leaves them in the woods and starts to drive back home without them, he immediately begins to worry about their safety. Quickly, he turns around and drives back to frantically search for them, only to be met with the sounds of their screams from inside of a nearby cave. He then runs into the cave, delivering a karate chop to one of the sea bears inside- despite the fact that he is terrified of them, shown in the season 3 episode "The Camping Episode"- and shouts "Don't you dare eat those morons!"

25. 🍔 SpongeBob In RandomLand - Season 12

Despite how many weird and random things happen to SpongeBob and Squidward in this episode, Squidward goes along with every single thing like they're common occurrences, barely ever complaining and simply just working with SpongeBob to accomplish what they're in RandomLand to do. The two get along well the entire adventure.

26. Pat Hearts Squid - Season 12

Though this episode is focused on Squidward and Patrick's relationship, when Squidward is enraged after Patrick becomes "a better Squidward," SpongeBob is on his next door neighbor's side. He gives him good advice on how to deal with his situation, Squidward is very grateful (showing so by picking SpongeBob up and air-kissing him), and he gladly hangs out with SpongeBob as he follows his advice.

27. 🍔💕 Bubble Bass's Tab - Season 12

In this episode, Mr. Krabs sends SpongeBob and Squidward to Bubble Bass's house to collect his tab after he refuses to pay it. Squidward is the most determined to complete this task, starting off by kicking down the door to his house- which SpongeBob calls "masculine," and Squidward briefly gets flustered at. Once they're inside, Bubble Bass tells them he'll pay the money he owes if they play a board game called the Three Deadly Challenges with him. SpongeBob, who loves the game, immediately agrees, but Squidward doesn't want to go along with it, questioning why SpongeBob is giving Bubble Bass the upper hand while he's the one that owes them money. He gives in, however, when he sees how much SpongeBob really wants to play. He then plays alongside him in a life size version of the Three Deadly Challenges, going along with each one and eventually actually getting really into it with the help of SpongeBob's imagination, defeating Bubble Bass at last. The episode ends back at the Krusty Krab with SpongeBob and Squidward happily dancing the tango together.

28. 🩵💕❣️ The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run

After Mr. Krabs, Plankton, Sandy, and Squidward find out that SpongeBob and Patrick are going to be executed in the Lost City of Atlantic City, they rush over to save them. Even though Squidward says he's just going to see Kelpy G, he says his piece to Poseidon and his audience to try and convince them to save SpongeBob's life when they arrive. He says that even though he can't stand him, he loves him. Though he calls him annoying, he also calls him sweet and nice. Finally, he concludes by calling him his friend, and saying that he doesn't deserve to die. This brings the audience to tears and makes SpongeBob incredibly happy.

29. Squidferatu - Season 13

After SpongeBob finds out that Squidward has been getting Nosferatu's mail for years, he lets him know he needs to deliver it to him and Squidward tells him to come along. Once they finally arrive at Nosferatu's castle, Slappy tells them that they need to spend the night due to "inclement weather." However, the two soon believe that Nosferatu is trying to attack them, and they run through the castle, working together to figure out how to stay safe. They get along pretty well the entire episode.

30. Mandatory Music - Season 13

In this episode, Squidward lands himself in a court ordered music class for his poor clarinet playing. SpongeBob ends up being in the class as well, wanting to practice playing his nose, and nearing the end of the episode, Squidward has shown no improvement and his clarinet is forcibly destroyed. SpongeBob comforts him when he is crying, offering him a tissue, and once he blows his nose, it is found to create trumpet noises. SpongeBob starts cheering him on, telling him he's "finally found his instrument." After Squidward is declared the "most improved student in the class", he smiles, and the episode transitions to him giving a public performance with his nose playing. SpongeBob continues to cheer him on the loudest, and the episode ends with Squidward wiping a tear from his eye and happily continuing on playing.

31. ❣️ Swimming Fools - Season 13

Though Squidward was mad at and rude to SpongeBob at a couple points in this episode, near the end he calms down and becomes soft and apologetic. He comes clean to SpongeBob about using his pool without his permission, admitting to him how jealous he was of it. SpongeBob then comforts a crying Squidward and lets him know that they're "best neighbors", and that he can use his pool "any time, day or night". Squidward then smiles and thanks him.

[tragicclownwrites]

Why the ending of "Sponge-Cano!" was great SquidBob fodder

Hello! I'm back with an analysis post as I came across something recently and wanted to share some thoughts.

I'm likely late to the game here, but I saw an old post in which the author (a fellow SquidBobber) was upset by the ending of "Sponge-Cano!" and I just have to say... huh!?

Were we watching the same episode? 🤨

Needless to say, I was thoroughly perplexed by this reaction because I personally read into it much differently. Then again, I am a clown.

Therefore - in the spirit of friendly fandom discourse - I wanted to provide another perspective on this episode. Absolutely no shade to the OP either - people are allowed to have differing opinions, after all.

If you're with me, let's clown around below the cut!

The lie that started it all

Before we dive in any further, let's take a look at the scene that started this whole conversation.

Essentially, after Squidward's heartfelt confession to SpongeBob, while he's hanging on for dear life over a boiling volcano...

Squidward: "Please SpongeBob, I didn't mean any of that! I do appreciate your friendship. I am grateful. I'm… I'm… I'm grateful for the life I'm living! Who knows how long I'll have it? I learned that from you, remember?"

He says this after being rescued by his true love SpongeBob:

Squidward: "You know SpongeBob, in light of everything that just happened... I lied to you. I am not grateful for anything! I mean look at me. I don't even have a roof to sleep under, anymore!"

Now, this is the moment that had the OP so heated about this episode. After everything he said, after SpongeBob saved his life, he just... lied?

Weeeell, not exactly.

The truth always reveals itself

Now, for my hot take... I don't think Squidward was lying at all when he said he was grateful for SpongeBob.

Before you immediately decide that I've completely out-clowned myself this time, just hear me out!

There are a few reasons Squidward may have reacted the way he did in the aftermath of the volcano debacle.

He's Squidward

Our man's just lost his whole fucking house for the billionth time

The reality of what he just said is slowly catching up with him

He's Squidward

Unlike his more chipper counterpart, the guy doesn't exactly wear his heart on his sleeve and has been shown to struggle with vulnerability and admitting failure. I mean, he can barely manage to apologize for his less savory actions without choking and sputtering like a fool!

However, when his life was on the line in this scene, he was vulnerable in more ways than one. Physically, he was quite literally dangling over an active volcano - you can't get more vulnerable than that! Emotionally, he bore his soul to SpongeBob because he thought he was going to die and wouldn't have another chance to say any of that again. Keep in mind, he truly believed he wouldn't live to see SpongeBob ever again.

I've mentioned this in my Reigisa x SquidBob masterpost, but there have been several other instances where - particularly, in a dire situation - Squidward will openly admit that he has always liked/cared for SpongeBob. And similarly, he's also tried to take it back or act like he didn't mean it when everything turns out okay or if other people aside from SpongeBob hear his confession.

So, as much as he "hates" SpongeBob and can't stand him, when it really counts, the truth always reveals itself.

Is it possible that he was just trying to play at SpongeBob's heartstrings to save his own ass? Perhaps.

But then, he accepts his fate. He loses his grip, giving everyone a tearful farewell. That is, until his little yellow angel comes to his rescue.

SpongeBob: "Squidward, I always knew you felt that way. Aw, buddy. Thanks for finally opening up to us."

⬆️Just look at the pure love in his eyes! (*Patrick voice*: LOOK AT IT!) The sappy sponge was even prepared to sacrifice himself for him. 🥺

While there was absolutely no way SpongeBob would actually let Squidward perish - promises be damned - it wasn't until Squidward poured his heart out, putting his true feelings towards SpongeBob out in the open, that he was saved from certain death.

You know how they say, "the truth will set you free"? No kidding!

As for why SpongeBob was completely fine with Squidward's lie after the fact (another point of contention for OP), well... he loves him. Period. And I think, despite his emotional constipation and frequent annoyance with the sponge in question, it's pretty clear Squidward loves him, too.

Therefore, SpongeBob wasn't upset by Squidward's outburst here because, as naïve as he may be, I don't think that fact is lost on him either.

In conclusion...

I think it's safe to say that "Sponge-Cano!" was a pretty great episode to add to the ever-growing SquidBob pile.

And if you thought the scene I talked about above was the last of it, ohohoho~ 🤭😏

You. Just. Wait.

At the very end of the episode, after Squidward loses his home and complains that he no longer has "a roof to sleep under anymore," SpongeBob does what SpongeBob does best: he offers to help him out.

Even after Squidward's selfish actions in "Can You Spare a Dime?" (which had some great fodder as well, such as *ahem* Squidward making SpongeBob wear a sexy maid outfit), SpongeBob still lets him stay at his house for an indefinite amount of time. Continuity? I don't know her.

To which, this gets even better.

Squidward doesn't refuse and find somewhere else to crash. After all, wasn't SpongeBob the reason he was miserable enough to be sacrificed in the first place? Why would he subject himself to even more SpongeBob, if that were the case?

At SpongeBob's house, he doesn't sleep on the couch or in a spare room. He doesn't even take SpongeBob's bed for himself while SpongeBob sleeps elsewhere - just like he did in "Can You Spare a Dime?"

NO.

The two of them share SpongeBob's bed. As in, they sleep in the same bed together.

Are these two fucking serious!?

They totally cuddled. Maybe even kissed.

All that to say, as much as Squidward whines and gripes about how much SpongeBob makes him miserable, it's clear to see that - even in the face of life-threatening adversity - SpongeBob's presence in his life is the key to his happiness. In this case, the key to his survival as well.

Now, if only our favorite grumpy octopus would take that spongey key, embracing him fully, to unlock that door... 🌈

[bullet-prooflove]

May I please have something written for Kimball Cho using the "life was easier when I only cared about me" line from Squidward's Butt Dance Prompt List? (one of the funniest names for anything ever btw) I figured I'd mix things up for once and not choose Matty or Danny. I don't want to end up being a 2-trick pony lol

- Kelnon

Tagging: @kmc1989 @caitlinrosa @mcfriggingonagall @kniselle @aiko24k

I honestly don't mind who you prompt for, you can do it for all three! Also thank you for selecting Cho, I am having a great time getting to know him through writing.

Cho tries not to care about you, he tries to treat you like just another one of his colleagues but it gets harder every day because truthfully you’re not. He can’t pretend he doesn’t notice the tired circles under eyes when he runs into you in the breakroom, or the way you flinch when you hear a loud noise.

“You need to get some sleep.” He says softly as he leans against the counter, his arms crossed over chest.

You’re waiting for your tea to steep, both palms pressed upon the work surface as you watch the colours plume in the milk.

“You gave up the right to tell me what to do when you ended things Cho.” You say, your gaze remaining fixed on your tea.

“Just because we’re not together doesn’t mean I don’t care.” He tells you, tilting his head so he capture your gaze.

You laugh then and that sound, it feels like a knife is being driven into his chest because it’s so fucking bitter.

“You don’t get to step in and out of my life when you feel like it.” You tell him as you pluck the teabag out of your mug with the cardboard tab. “You don’t get to ride in like a white knight because you think it’s the right thing to do.”

Cho sighs, his palm rubbing over the back of his neck.

“It’s not like that.” He tells you and you tilt your head towards him with so much pain in your eyes it harrows him. “You know it isn’t.”

“I know I fell in love and you didn’t.”

“Is that what you think?” He asks you, his voice rough. “You think I didn’t love you?”

“All I know is that one minute we were happy and the next…”

You trail off, the line of your jaw clenching.

“You know what it doesn’t matter.” You say, picking up your mug and stepping away from him. “It clearly meant more to me than it did to you.”

You’re wrong, he thinks as he watches you walk away. The relationship the two of you had, it meant everything.

Love Cho? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[flaray25]

That one "SquidBird" episode...

SPOILER ALERT!!! GO WATCH THE EPISODE BEFORE YOU READ THIS- THANK YOU AND HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT/NOON

DID ANYONE NOTICE THIS? or am I just delusional again-

Spongebob sends Patrick lunch with the help of his pet clam shells, they are about to go to him- but upon arriving- Squidward is the one who interferes with the clam whistle making the clams lead to him so that he'd send the birds far away.

tho it didn't exactly last longer than what he expected- EVEN THE PART WHERE THE PAPERBAG IS STILL ON THE GROUND HE PICKED IT UP AND ATE IT-

SQUID

WARD-

CAN'T YOU SEE YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?!

I mean it was all good it was all nice- he was annoyed because of Spongebob and Patrick bringing out wildness BUT TO EAT THAT PACKED LUNCH- THAT SPONGEBOB 'MADE specifically to send it out for his best friend- B E S T F R I E N D . PATRICK STAR. TO EAT IT.

Then you're telling me that Squidward SEES THIS AS HIS NORMAL HABIT TO DO WHEN IT BELONGS TO HIS THAT 'ANNOYING NEIGHBOR?????'

Then there is Spongebob whose always too kind and brightful- he didn't even give himself to think while Squidward was being chased/bitten by those clamshells- Spongebob who seemed to notice Squidward's boundaries that HE surely gave attention to (because he totally admires this gay ass cephalopod-)

would literally do anything just for Squidward to be happy because he LOVES seeing him happy. So that quote on quote he said along "Those clams sure do love Squidward-" "Well I'm not so sure if HE loves THEM"

DURING this part- we can see that Spongebob immediately noticed Squidward having a hard time even when dealing with something unusual- even when it's on a 'normal day'

That's why Spongebob had been the one to think of teaching the clam shells to AVOID HIM. Rather than "behave" or "be friends" with him-

because HE KNOWS EXACTLY THE POINT- THE REASON- WHY SQUIDWARD DOESN'T ALWAYS COME AROUND WITH SOCIAL/GENERAL STUFF LIKE THIS- Because he knows what type of a cephalopod- Squidward is- when it comes to other sea creatures-

Sure he'd already known him for a decade now and FOR SURE THAT HE KNOWS HIS DEAR 'FRIEND' very well... (oh god I hate slow burns so much- WHY MUUUUUSTTTTTTTTT/silly)

Squidward isn't the type of 'being-that-one-social-person' when it comes to in general- he's an introverted moon who most likely does his ways to feel comfort from his safe space even when at his house when he's alone-

Spongebob knows that- and he doesn't WANT Squidward to ever get disturbed anymore- so maybe less and less more he became less- bit annoying to him- perhaps that's why? Maybe he just truly admires him and doesn't even want him to feel upset and he's trying to do his best so that he WON'T.

So we got- THIS PART WHERE THE BFFS TOOK HIM TO SAFETY- but can we also talk about how SPONGEBOB IS THE FIRST ONE- THE O N L Y one who IMMEDIATELY TOOK ACTION HERE HE DRAGGED HIM JUST SO THAT HE KEPT HIM AWAY FROM THE DANGER- anyone? A N Y O N E AT ALL???

We know how the end played out

"Still better than living next to Spongebob's"

he doesn't see what they both value- he doesn't see it like how Spongebob does so his only way was to find an escape from all of this madness- just for Spongebob? how cruel could that be?

we all know what happened a bunch of times when he annoyed Squidward most of every other entire year/day so by now I think we all do understand both of their different point and view- ain't that RIGHT PEOPLE???

(This should definitely be someones pfp right now-)

[armorabs]

I will admit, I never did watched Avatar before but I have seen Nick's many crossover games.

I do have to wonder though, how exactly do you believe Zuko and SpongeBob will get along well? Considering that they're like Fire/Water (which I am somehow interest in)? 👀

honestly - you should watch atla sometime! i know the fandom can be insufferable at times, but it really is a well-written and heartfelt story with complex themes while still being fun to watch and appropriate for children. its never been like a major fixation for me but i do really like the characters a lot and the world building is fun

anyways - well it certainly depends on where zuko is in his character development because the thing about zuko is that he's not even a bad person or anything just a deeply traumatized child who is incredibly desperate because of his circumstances so he's often angry and grumpy and lashes out a lot... so in books 1 and 2 he does come across as someone who could never get along with someone like spongebob. but consistently from the beginning he is truly a largely empathetic and compassionate person who is just often oblivious and impulsive! which is how he got into his situation in the first place. he starts to calm down toward the end of book 2 and by book 3, imho, it becomes very apparent that... honestly? zuko has a lot more in common with, like, spongebob, than squidward for example. he's socially awkward. he's eager to please. he's geeky. he loves the arts and dramatic stories. he's passionate. he wants to do what he thinks is right, always! its just that he initially has a skewed sense of what is right and wrong.

so like a book 1 or 2 zuko would likely be as receptive to spongebob as he is to his dear uncle iroh, but since you can tell where he is in terms of development based on his hairstyle and nicktoons mlb uses the hairstyle he has toward the end of book 2 and the majority of book 3 id say he'd be a lot more amenable and at peace - so zuko would be receptive to spongebob's... spongebobiness, you know. aang and sokka are two of his best friends by the end of the series so he has a degree of tolerance and even fondness for energetic goofy weirdos. and while spongebob is also often oblivious and socially awkward and excitable, he's also compassionate and caring in ways i think zuko would appreciate. and theyre both geeks so i think spongebob would show zuko his comic books and itd ROCK his world. plus theyre both martial artists so they could spar for funnn

[sunny6677]

How W! Tom would be! + Some facts.

(Wicked Month AU created by @mayisgoingnuts )

1. In this AU, her personality is still the same as ever and she has a similar relationship with the kids that Lila does to Skid in this AU. She doesn't realize that they're not innocent little angels who just wanna have fun—though she usually doesn't baby them exactly. She just doesn't think they'd do anything wrong, so she helps them with whatever shenanigans they do as a result. She's also just as crazy/energetic as they are anyway and let's them do what they please, so they like her.

2. Skid and Pump are very protective of her secretly and will wreak havoc on anyone who acts like a dick to her, specifically Kevin though.

3. Kevin was already a jerk to her in Tom's canon AU at first, but in this AU, he's a straight up asshole to her at first. He either isn't aware that she doesn't know or is aware that she doesn't but is frustrated due to that, so he constantly acts rude to her and actually insults her sometimes. Tom doesn't like him at first since she knows him as 'The Shopkeeper Who Takes Out His Temper On The Innocent Youth' (in her own words by the way), but an incident ends up occurring where he does something cool or saves her, and she ends up liking him. She basically develops even more of a Spongebob-Squidward type dynamic with him, thinking he's her best friend—but he always pushes her away. Somehow though, she never gets that he doesn't like her and always tries getting him into her shenanigans.

4. ...ehhh I said Tom and Kevin canonically are supposed to fall for eachother in every universe, but that doesn't mean in a way that isn't complicated. So I imagine while Kevin really REALLYYYYY doesn't like her at first, he's more protective of her than he'd like to admit since he has to save her ass constantly, and always seems really intent on convincing her that the kids aren't innocent angels. He also kind of does have a crush on her already since he just finds her kinda pretty (not like he'd actually admit that)—but he doesn't completely fall in love with her until she does stuff like helping him our anytime he gets into trouble or healing him whenever he's injured etc etc.

5. Kevin ended up maybe going a bit too fsr one time, and actually made Tom cry, which he immediately felt bad for since he didn't mean to get that mean with her. And Skid & Pump got so pissed off by this that they nearly burnt his store down in an attempt to force him into apologizing or just making up for it somehow.

6. Skid and Pump are kinda confused by her whole princess bit, though Pump is a little more chill with it and gets mildly pissed anytime someone berates her for wanting to be a princess.

7. Tom still has her emotional repression issues, but it's even worse because of the kids sometimes stressing her out and just people being rude to her for reasons she doesnt understand in general, and actually ends up breaking down crying in front of both Kevin and Radford at some point.

8. Like in her canon AU, Kevin still scoops her up a lot, but he usually does it more forcibly when he's trying to get her away from something or protect her or just take her somewhere—and always slams her back down onto the ground.

9. Gregor is either a little more harsh with her in Hollow Sorrows, or actually really feels bad since she's visibly not having a great time.

10. The people who are given trouble by the kids usually either dislike Tom or full on hate her because she somehow likes the kids (most of them being unaware that she doesn't know of what they do)—and Tom is oblivious to people being mean to her, but as the rude remarks get even more intense, she becomes aware and doesn't even know why people are so damn mean to her.

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

I saw your post about "feel free to vent" and god, I don’t even think that I love that pathetic guyfailure in your way, but I follow you and read your posts, because they bring me joy (although I don’t always agree with everything you say) and you’re one of the few people who’s willing to talk about how unhinged, pathetic and entirely deranged jiang zongzhu is. I’m so fucking tired of jc fandom, the way they turned him into something entirely unrecognisable from his canon self, turned him into weepy little bitch with gaping hole for every single "gege" on the block to fuck.

They make me genuinely hate him. I see that oc!jc committing identity fraud and I hate him. I hate him so much. My only content in this fandom is the novel, it’s the only thing that provides me with content. How fucking delightful he is there? I don’t fucking get. Jc stans say you’re a fucking jc anti or whatever the fuck, but no one actually hates jc more than his fucking stans do. the fucking torture of watching your fave being flandarised. their fucking omegaverse rotten brains yelling and crying about his tiny waist and childbearing thighs. Have you seen the art of him? What kind of caricature they turn him into? Fucking twink that will be blown away by the wind and his "geges" that will catch him midair and fuck everliving fuck out of him because uwu he did nothing wrong, he’s innocent, he’s little precious baby boy meowmeow tsundere. They yell so hard about how misunderstood he is, but they’re the ones misunderstanding his character most. They have no respect for canon material. Most of them haven’t read the fucking novel because they HaTe wAnGxIAn sO mUcH, they pick up disgusting fanon bullshit and run with it claiming it somehow to be canon.

Canon!jc would fucking rip that oc!jc in tiny little shreds, torture him violently and vomit on his corpse.

what have they turned his relationship with jin ling into? what are they fucking doing to that precious golden brat? why no one fucking enjoys their canon relationship that don’t lack complexity and depth. Why do they turn him into weird kid obsessed with his uncle? who has no life outside his uncle, who fights "jiujiu stealers" like it’s his full time job??? Jin ling is his own character, he’s going through so much, his fucking family is insane, he’s dealing with bullying, he’s working his ass off to impress his uncle who put high expectations on him.

what they turn "geges" into? they come and yell how lwj has no personality, that he’s just a "top" but then they do exactly the same shit with other characters? they’re genuinely making me hate lxc. I despise xicheng with burning fucking passion. I’m in a ooc competition, and xicheng stans are my opponents *insert squidward here*

chengxian makes my fucking blood boil because THATS ONE WAY TO ENTIRELY MISUNDERSTAND BOTH OF THEIR CHARACTERS AND TURN COMPELLING "BROTHER" CONFLICT INTO THE MOST BORING FUCKING SHIT THAT THE EARTH HAS WITNESSED. they way they just go OMG WWX LOVED JC SOOOOOO MUCH LWJ HATES JC BECAUSE HE KNOWS WWX LOVES HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING, HIS SACRIFICE IS AN ACT OF LOVE, HE LOVED HIM, HE DID IT OUT OF LOVE. why would they entirely erase wwx’s character development like that? wwx’s entire fucking arc is about learning to see his self worth, learning that the life he had at lotus pier wasn’t it, FUCKING HELL yllz literally was comforting himself with thoughts of never meeting the jiangs. My guy literally was lying there unable to sleep and was thinking about how running away from dogs and being a beggar is infinitely better than the jiangs. It’s literally in the fucking book. I don’t fucking GET IT.

I remember one time mentioning that of fucking COURSE, the manhua would erase the "golden core reveal" as in how jc lost it, because ultimately wangxian is the most important part of the story and jc is some guy wwx finally gets rid of in order to digest his traumas in a safer space and find happiness elsewhere because clearly he wasn’t happy at lotus pier. and they fucking??? came up with an AU???? as a response to me????? where wwx comes back to lotus pier because HE LOVES JC MORE THAN ANYTHING WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO very good argument, very nice talk.

I’m so fucking sick and tired, I muted jc’s name and tag on twitter and here even though I genuinely like the guy. It pains me. It causes me fucking brain damage. I want to enjoy my fandom experience, I want to be able to talk about this dudenobody and have fun. I so hate being here, I want to be free.

I’m so sorry to vent like that. 😭

I will use this as a general jump start of fandom griping regarding this entire debacle since this, this right here, should not be a normal thing that fandom has to send anonymously due to being scared of the vitriolic backlash received.

I have been nice, I have been sarcastic, I have been a troll, and despite my initial kindness and patience when I first started interacting with this fandom, I was met with consistent death threats and homophobia about a fictional male character and why I am less then patient now for Jiang Cheng stans. Other people should not HAVE to apologize for not enjoying a completely made up fandom persona and getting bit at for this. By all means go ahead and enjoy a fanon persona, by all means ask for supporting evidence when someone is arguing they do not like a character.

I interact with other Jiang Cheng fans just fine outside of this, they are not the ones I speak of in this. The ones I am addressing are the vitriolic ones that are angry about anything close to being taken as "anti" regarding an in story antagonist that does exhibit antagonistic behavior time and again with leading text and citations. It doesn't matter if he is someone that is enjoyed, somehow it's "wrong".

And hey. I DO disagree on several different interpretations in this fandom, but NONE of them have ever garnered the hate I have gotten in my 3 years in this fandom the way I chose to discuss Jiang Cheng. When told to use another tag, it was done, but again it was done incorrectly, when I stopped using anti at the behest of other fans, I did because hey, it was able to reach a wider audience, that did enjoy the character himself and wanted deeper understanding outside of fanon only that pervaded the tag meant for "Jiang Cheng".

I certainly do not deny his instances of kindness, but how dare I ascertain that all if this in context is not a reflection of positivity for him within the plot he is meant for, no matter time and again saying he has an opening for himself to do better in the future for others that have yet to be hurt by him, or are willing to salvage what they still have.

I should not have to be told I just want to fuck a dude as a "joke" and a comeback because of how I go and point out what he's like in the work. That is casual homophobia and shockingly sexual harassment. Or be told to think of it as a sibling who uses drugs and it's therefore alright to demean said character, or deny the blatant abuse this character exhibits or uses because he also had been abused by an adult.

I do not need to be tolerant of a side of fandom due to all the above treatment and others deal with.

[babischlong-six]

Details in Babylon 5: The Gathering Which Are My Favorite, In No Particular Order:

The soundtrack!! It's so funky!!

G'Kar's little disco-dance move Narn salute and hop-skip-heel-click away from Laurel Takashima when his nefarious plans are going according to plan

Handsome Squidward Delenn

Londo looking at his own reflection in his goblet and cooing, "Nice shark, pretty shark~" and clicking his teeth together

The muppets everywhere – the pilot episode's character design was so much more buckwild than the later series 😭

Lyta telepathically getting bad vibes from some guy but Sinclair enthusiastically taking her by the elbow and basically dragging her away on a tour of the station

The atmosphere is a lot more Ridley-Scott-Blade Runner than Star Trek 😭

Garibaldi saying he'll make sure Londo shows up, even if he has to throw him over his shoulder and carry him... Slow down there buddy 😉

Sinclair's girlfriend's fuckass hair

After being choked out by Delenn's magic gravity ring, the way G'Kar pants, "Delenn… Oh, Delenn…" uhhh that better not awake anything inside me :)

Londo being obviously blasted during the important council meeting

Just… Everything about Kosh. Knowing what I now know about him??? Why did he do that??? For the drama???

Obviously the "Pleasure Threshold" scene, it's a classic

The huge bazooka PPGs

The fake Lyta hissing at real Lyta. This raises the question: do Warrior Caste Minbari hiss like cats when threatened??? Why???? It's funny but why

I love early-season Nefarious G'Kar ❤️

[leafatlaw]

what is something you always want to talk about

Basically creepy pastas are a lot more varied and creative than a lot of people give them credit for, so fucking creepy pasta categories. (Disclaimer I am no means an expert in creepy pastas, I’ve only occasionally scrolled r/ no sleep and pretended to have a crush on Ben drowned in 2012. This is only based on my limited knowledge and if anyone wants to add on or correct me go ahead.)

So there’s really a lot of different types of creepy pastas from the stereotypical Jeff the killer type to stuff that eventually gets published. To start it off I’ll talk about the first kind, probably the best known which is the killer type aka whatever the slender verse is. I would put anything in this category that is mostly about creepy guy(gender neutral) that kills people. Laughing jack, ticci toby, Jane the killer, ect ect. While Ben drowned is typically associated with this crowd I would really say he doesn’t fit in this category. While most of the examples listed above are mostly underwelling in scare factor, the expaiok of these stories have created some truly awesome tales. These are a staple of the genre and I adore them no matter how poorly they’ve aged.

Beyond that I’m going to skip ahead and talk about one of my favorite subgenres Lost Episodes/Media. I love these stories so much because they take specially childhood memories of vhs tapes and nostalgic games, and made it so that there’s a chance something safe and familiar can be twisted and distorted. In this category we have classics like Squidwards suicide, Suicide mouse, and Dead Bart. This genre will typically be either badly edited clips or basically stories passed around (in the truest form of creepy pasta). The real gem of this genre in my opinion is the creepy pasta “Lost Episodes can be found Again”, which is a genuis written take on this subgenre and tries to basically explain it. No spoilers just go read it it’s great and interesting even if you’re not well versed in lost episodes.

Okay back to where I should have started, what I call first person accounts. Where the story is told from a first person perspective of someone who has the event happen to them. Oddly this is much more common on r slash nosleep which I belive requires stories to be treated as real events, even in comments. Basically this is where I would put Ben drowned, Ted the caver (arguably the first creepy pasta), most .exe horror stories, and genuinely most of the genre could fit into this category. (The above lost episodes mostly fit in here but it’s easier to separate them into specifics). This genre is great because it is for the most part terrifying as the first person pov lets you really expedite what the characters are going through. The real gem of this genre though is stories where the writer is mia, which adds to the suspense of if they survive or not. In most stories in this genre it is simply oh the author is alive or how can you be reading this first person account? But the real interesting stuff happens when it’s a roommate sharing this on their behalf or a story someone heard from a friend of a friend who is now dissappeared. (Ben drowned does maybe the best job of this with the original creepy pastas ending revel being downright bone chilling.)

Oh before I forget, let’s talk about the -Rules creepypastas. Basically any stories that has a title like “I started working at x and there’s so man weird rules !!” This can be anything from a movie theater, convinent store, fast food, and campground. Expanding on that last one, is a subversive take on the genre, How to Survive Camping. Originally posted on r slash nosleep it’s now a publish series ! But besides that there’s genre follow a simple structure: introduce a rule give an example of that rule in action. There stories are normally really creative AND creepy, as they often invoke a fear that there might be something dangerous right in our midst that we are unaware of.

Finally because this is stupid long, I’m going to just quickly mention what I call, Super old cursed object. This is rarer and typically will fall under the lost media category but occasionally there will be something that shines. The main reason I’m mentioning this is to give a shoutout to Cold Relics, which is a series of creepy stores that posits that there are relics from the Cold War era that are not right. Toy Laser gun that vaporizes people, kiddie park that might not have existed, ect ect. It’s great, the horror of something old mysterious.

[slamminslamminmcgill]

Do you think you’d be interested in doing a nsfw A-Z for BCS characters but mainly Jimmy😳🥴

ive had this in my drafts for the longest time but this was such a good idea!!! i rly wanna do more prompt type things so i may try to find some more :3

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

jimmy is the sweetest most cuddly loveydovey man you'd ever have the pleasure of banging 🥺🥺🥺 lots of hugs and kisses and telling you what a great job you did and oh my god you're so gorgeous he could do this every night

saul is not as affectionate but he'll give you some praise. maybe a high five and a "woo! nice job, kid!" if he's feeling silly. unless it's during business hours. then it's "get back to work, mr. squidward."

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

partner - chest. man is a boob fiend. partly why trans men are a guilty pleasure for him bc whether they've had top surgery or not he's fixated on their chests

himself - i actually don't know? maybe his hair. he seems to put a lot of effort into it (even when he starts going better call bald 😔) so i think maybe that. also he loves having it tugged on bc he's a slut

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

facials. dirty boy loves making a mess of you >:3

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

i expanded on this here but basically he's repressing his bisexuality. he would like to have sex with men more often but he can't bring himself to go out and get some dick. again, trans men are a guilty pleasure bc to him they're a compromise. he rationalizes that it's not really gay if he has a pussy (let him have this he's trying)

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

he is VERY sexually experienced with cis women. not at all with anyone else. but he's a quick learner. regardless of what setup anyone has, he'll figure out what makes them tick

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

cowgirl!! ride this baby boy he loves it. he likes it bc he loves having someone push him down and take what they want from him (and also he doesn't have to do as much work which is great for his old man joints 😌)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

he'll be silly goofy in foreplay, but he gets more serious as things heat up

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

fuzzy wuzzy baby boy 🤗🤗 he may trim a LITTLE if it's getting too wild but never totally shave

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

depends! not at all during his saul era. as jimmy he's more likely to be sweet with you in that way

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

the first time he touched his prostate he screamed and came harder than he ever had before and he's scared to do it again

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

dirty talk!!! he's got a lot to say. he just loves seeing the effect his words have on you and how they can really make the difference between good sex and mindblowing sex

also when he's having sex with other men chances are he's topping, so if they're okay with it he'd be into calling them slurs bc it makes him feel powerful

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

car sex! getting ridden in the driver's seat, his body pressed on top of yours as he fucks you in the backseat, bending you over the hood, he loves it all

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

he's a shameless flirt. he'll go in with STRATEGIC rizz to try to get someone in bed with him, but he CANNOT deal with reciprocation. the second someone shows a crumb of interest in him he fumbles. and if you fire back with sass he'll basically beg you to take him right then and there

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

he cannot take extreme pain. he's curious about masochism and likes getting slapped/spanked and having his hair pulled but he's not into anything that would bruise. he's sensitive :( also he likes choking his partner but he doesn't like getting choked himself

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

absolutely loves receiving it!! he loves having his balls licked ehehe they're sensitive

loves giving it too BUT if it's not a cis woman's pussy he's in the trenches. the first time he saw a t-dick he was stunned. but, being the man of reason that he is, he figured "well! that looks like a little dick. can i suck it?" and immediately tested his theory and fell in love with t-dicks

when it comes to amab dicks? he's trash. he cannot suck dick to save his life. no lips and too bad of a gag reflex ☹️

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

tends to be on the faster/rougher side. slow and sensual is only if he's in a long term relationship with someone (or if he's subbing and needs his partner to be gentle)

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

man CANONICALLY gets blown in his office during the work day. he loves em

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

see above.

also! generally yeah. i think he's in the camp of "don't knock it til you try it" so he'd be down to try almost anything once

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

old man. he can maybe nut once or twice before he taps out. but he'll always make sure his partner's taken care of

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

YES i think he'd have a pretty decent arsenal. he's got a couple vibrators for partners and some cock rings/sleeves for himself. for either he's probably got a ballgag and a blindfold and he's definitely the type to own a pair of those cheap fuzzy handcuffs.

also i can't get this idea out of my head of him trying to talk himself out of it but finally cracking, buying a buttplug, and then never trying it out because he's scared 😭

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

if i have to answer this question im logging off y'allready KNOW

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

jimmy's a whiny bitch and he's LOUD!!!!! saul does a better job of keeping it down (he actually tries to stifle himself a bit bc he doesn't wanna show feelings teehee send this man to therapy)

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he has a piss kink. cope.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

abt 5.5 inches, fat, uncut, big juicy buals

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

i think pretty high! mentally he's always down but he got old man dick (canonically takes viagra 💀) so he can't go as much as he'd like

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

after a particularly intense round he'll conk out almost instantly. but most of the time he's down for cuddling and pillow talk