#I live weirdly anyway like a hermit so

[emberwings-last-wish]

another older fic that I realized I never put on tumblr, so here it is!

link to ao3 page

-

Pix had a very odd look on his face. Which wasn’t unusual, these days; what with all the mysterious visitors from, apparently, another dimension running around and erecting their giant tower of madness and whatever else they were doing. But that look was currently directed at a very specific Hermit, and considering the avian wasn’t even doing anything odd at the moment – just gathering wood, it seemed – Fwhip was naturally curious as to what was going through the eccentric archaeologist's head.

“Hi,” Fwhip said, when it became clear that Pix hadn’t seen him. Pix jumped, nearly whacking himself in the face with his spyglass.

“Oh,” he said, sounding rather flustered. “Oh. Hi. Fwhip.”

“What’s up?” Fwhip asked, leaning against the low stone wall next to Pix. He only came up to Pix’s chest, but fortunately, that was where the low part of the wall came in handy. Across the valley, the Hermit continued to chop obliviously at an oak tree.

Pix’s face fell back into those odd creases, as he turned back to stare at the Hermit. “Him,” he said vaguely.

“Yeah, him,” Fwhip said, raising an eyebrow. “What’s up with him?”

There was a long silence, where Pix seemed to be trying to decide what to say. “He’s familiar,” the human said eventually.

“Like, ‘gee I knew a guy with parrot wings just down the street when I was growing up’ familiar?” Fwhip asked.

Pix sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. “No, like ‘found his face on an ancient Mezalean record dating more than a millennia ago’ familiar.”

“Oh.” Fwhip blinked. “Sure it’s him?”

Pix tossed his hands in the air. “Am I sure? No. It could be a giant coincidence. But…” He ran a hand down his face, groaning. “Here’s the thing, okay? I bought a lot of artifacts off the last trade caravan here from the Lostlands. There were quite a few traditional Mezalean records and dye tablets that were intact enough for me to restore, and one bundle was the record of an esteemed visitor hosted by the last king before the Rapture. Had a tablet to go with it and everything. And it’s old, and I don’t know how well my restoration really did, but… I could swear it looks exactly like him. And he’s even wearing, like, the exact same thing. And Mezalean shorthand is one of the Old Tongues I still don’t have quite sorted out, but I’m pretty certain it lists the visitor’s name as G’rhyn. Or, you know, Grian.”

Right, that was his name. Grian. Fwhip squinted over the valley again, focusing on the Hermit. Goblin eyes did better in dim light, but he could make out broad details. Red top – sweater of some kind, if he recalled correctly – and dark pants; brownish hair; red wings that revealed flashes of other colors on the underside when they shifted. “You think he’s the same guy? I mean, obviously it’s possible to live that long, like, Joel’s a thousand years old or something, but Joel’s also. You know. A god. Thunder and, like, four-block height, whatever else he’s got going on. This guy doesn’t really strike me as the god type, I guess.”

Pix blew out a breath, turning to lean his back against the wall; Fwhip copied him. “I don’t know,” he said. “Like I said, it could just be coincidence.”

“Could have been a different Hermit visiting before,” Fwhip suggested. “Maybe Grian is, like, a common Hermit name-”

“It’s not,” Pix said, confidently. His words had that odd, undefinable edge about them again; Fwhip glanced up to confirm, and yep, Pix’s eyes had taken on that greenish tint they did sometimes when he was being especially weird. “Hermit isn’t a species or culture like any of the Empires, though they project that sort of impression in this unfamiliar environment. There aren’t many of them - I think most of them are here already.”

“Huh,” Fwhip said, then grimaced when Pix continued to stare weirdly into the ground. Time to snap him out of it. “So how do you know that, anyway?”

“Uh,” Pix said, and stopped. He grinned sheepishly at Fwhip’s look. “I did it again, huh?”

“Yup.”

“That’s, that’s pretty fascinating data, actually,” Pix said thoughtfully. “Implies that whatever keeps overtaking my mind knows something about the Hermits…”

Fwhip tried not to shudder. Pix was, in his opinion, far too casual about the fact that his head was routinely being hijacked. “How do you know it wasn’t just, I don’t know, some other parrot avian? I mean, I don’t know much about the Lostlands, but wasn’t there a jungle empire or something?”

“The Lost Empire,” Pix agreed. “It’s possible – in fact, their emperor at the time was some kind of parrot avian – but the pictures I have of him don’t match up nearly as well as those of G’rhyn-”

“What doesn’t match up?”

Fwhip was not proud of the noise he made at the new voice. Both he and Pix jerked around to see the Hermit himself, no more than a block away from the fence.

Fwhip tried to discreetly smooth down the fur that had poofed up at the scare, and wondered how Grian had gotten there so quickly, or so quietly. Wings that big were loud, he knew, so why hadn’t either he or Pix heard something?

“Um,” Pix said. “Hi, Grian.”

“Hey,” Grian said. He smiled. His eyes were weirdly black, and hard to read. He was only slightly taller than Fwhip, but oddly intimidating. “Felt you guys watching. Talking about anything interesting?”

“Just some… historical discrepancies,” Pix said warily. Fwhip didn’t question his evasiveness. This guy, up close, gave off very weird vibes. “You done, uh, chopping wood?”

“It’s never done, you know, always could use more, but I’ll probably quit for the day,” Grian said. Fwhip wasn’t sure if the Hermit had blinked at all yet.

“Ah,” Pix said. “Headed back to, ah…”

“We’re calling it Hermitopia,” Grian said. He gave them a brief grin; his teeth weren’t weirdly sharp, which for some reason felt even more unnerving than if they had been. “We’re nothing if not dedicated to the brand.”

“Yeah,” said Fwhip. He couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Well, I’ll be going,” Grian said. “See you two around. Feel free to drop by if you need anything.” He backed away a few steps, and then leaped into the air, bright wings unfurling to carry him away. They were noisy, as they should be.

Pix and Fwhip watched Grian until he disappeared over the hill.

“Okay,” Fwhip said, a bit shakily. “Okay. That was weird. That was weird, right? That wasn’t just me?”

“Very curious,” Pix mumbled.

“You know what,” Fwhip said, after another moment, “I can totally believe he’s a thousand years old.”

“Yeah,” Pix said.

[liauditore]

hehe. small.

just some casual brainrot art for the au i have in my head that i should probably draw the intro comic to sometime👍putting these under 'liaumercAU' til i find a better name 😭😭

look below the cut for my nonsense 👍

OK SO.. this was originally gonna be called the 'ethubs mercenary au' cus it was mainly ethubs-centric (and still kinda is) BUT i have scope creep issues and slowly it's become more and more broad and now the entire player list of the life series has some sort of role to play in it along with several hermits. yes i have a problem don't. Talk to me.

anyway,,, these guys are a pack of orphan street rats menacing the streets of Rivendell, living off of pick-pocketing and other mischief. Absolute public nuisances.

No exact ages cus I don't like em but Martyn's the oldest and has a bit of a leader complex about it. You'll most likely find him challenging other boys to prize fights in the middle of the street.

He and Jimmy have formed a bit of a partnership that they call the 'property police' in which they (attempt to) run a mafia-like extortion scheme with the local shopkeeps by charging them protection fees. They're only successful with the few that choose to show them pity or just think their antics are cute.

Grian's just a bit younger than Martyn and likes to lie comparatively low but secretly thinks of himself as the lead in that "these idiots would be dead without me" kinda way. Despite his age he's got connections everywhere and wants to leave the empire one day to set up his own little settlement somewhere out in the wilderness (he calls this "project EVO").

Just cus he's more logic-oriented and prefers to send any of the other three to do the dirty work doesn't mean he's afraid to thrown down when pissed though, which a lot of people have learnt the hard way. He's frail but his punches HURT.

Pearl's the youngest and the most likely to just grab your wallet and run away with it while cackling. She's got way too much energy for anyone to deal with so it's probably a good thing she has Martyn to roughhouse with. She's got the worldview of one of those small dogs that thinks they can take on pit bulls and huskies five times their size and won't hesitate to jump into a fight if she sees one of her friends involved (she has bitten so many people).

Scott just shows up from time to time to hang out with them and is weirdly secretive about who he is or where he came from. His clean shoes and ability to read hints that he's probably more well-off than the four. Grian's somewhat wary of him but nobody else is willing to put up with Pearl's mud-wrestling when Martyn's not around so he's allowed to stick around.

That's all for now before i spoil the whole thing but despite their hardships they have each other 👍until bad things happen and they don't but that's for the future 😊😊

[beaningeneraldenial]

Xisuma loves curry.

It isn't that well-known of a fact, though some of the old hermits know of it due to their long, long friendship. He loves fitness too but nothing can surpass the joy of food and in his case: curry.

That being said, Parrot doesn't know why the voidwalker trailing behind him is eating a bowl of curry instead of killing people. How can someone like curry that much anyway? To the point where he is just docile and content to walk through the derilict streets of Lifesteal?

"So, Parrot", Parrot flinches when Xisuma regards him. He looks over his shoulder to see an empty bowl held in gloved and armour-plated hands and the helmet's visor covering the man's face. Uh oh. "What do you do for a living?"

Oh. For a second, he thought that Xisuma would ask for another bowl. To be fair, when he'd asked if they could get some food from a rundown restaurant, Parrot was hesitant with his little pocket change coins but he prefered a satisfied voidwalker to a bloodthirsty one.

...Not that Xisuma exudes the infamous aura of death and anger that only Clownpierce can match. The guy is weirdly calm for what the stories say.

"I, uh-," Parrot tugs at his collar nervously, "Nothing special." he says carefully.

"We've got a lot of time."

[trenchcoatsbi]

ohhh where to START

so my grian kin is basically yandere, evo, life, and hermitcraft meshed into one weirdly coherent timeliene! HOWEVER, hermitcraft seasons were the same yet different for a few reasons, alot is too much to put in one ask so ill break up the infodump

heres the thing with death in that timeline, there was the server and the ‘outside world’. on server you could die however many times you wanted, but on the outside world you got the regular one life we have here. servers were basically pocket dimensions that only certain people could make!

there was also this thing with the reincarnation cycle, where alot of people (mostly players) who died and reincarnated looked and acted the same/similarly, but had no memory of their past life. there were only a handful of people who could remember their past lives perfectly (scar was one of them. somehow. i dont know)

anyways i think xisuma was one of the people who could remember every life bc each season was a new life for the hermits that werent immortal and he kept inviting the same people anyways

-pac anon

oh that is so intriguing... gears are turning in my head... raghgh i love hearing about memories.

uh uhm i will give you a memory in exchange for giving me this to read. for me i uh remember HC a lot of different ways because I have a few kintypes from it but i think the funniest thing I remember is the fact that in one of my helsmit canons the server had a fucking actual built in swear censor? like it'd play a loud bleep/ringing noise (well okay the ringing noises might've been from the fact that I fucked up my hearing playing around with tnt but that's an entirely different story) if you cursed and i fucking hated it so much. that damn thing drove me insane. and whats worse is some other helsmits found a way to get around it and just never told me cause they thought it was funnier leaving me to suffer with it. I hate those fuckers so much (<- I miss them so bad)

[symphonic-scream]

Hmmmmm looking back on this I wanna make. Some small changes

Hermit is Teddie now. He's just Yosuke's foreign exchange student "brother" who wears the Junes mascot costume. People are weirdly honest with the bear and he wants to help but doesn't know how?? So Kanji helps him help people

The Star. Young Joker. He's got a costume similar to Joker's, but a little more exaggerated, like a TV character. He'd be like Ken's age compared to the group, and go through the whole "who am I" thing. At the end of it all, when Kanji goes back to living with his brother, Daidara takes in lil Joker, who's chosen his own name

Namatame is the real Fool here. Idk I felt like switching it up a little.

Death Sayoko, who smokes on her breaks and hastily puts them out when Kanji goes to sit with her, tells him it's bad for him to be near her. Every patient she gets close to passes. Slowly accepts she's not the reason they're dying, but helping them live that little bit longer or something idk

Anyways Devil Adachi. Idk I'll figure something out

🦞

Ooh Lobster!

Surprise you get a P4 au since I haven't gotten an ask for that. Apologies, if you were hoping for Yusuke

Anyways. I'm going to talk about my first P4 arcana swap, known as the Lovers Naoto au

The end of this will have a list of the Arcana incase things aren't clear

Kanji Tatsumi has been living with his older brother since his dad died and mom entered assisted living, but when his brother has to go overseas for a year for his job, Kanji is sent to live in their old hometown with an old family friend

Daidara isn't bothered having Kanji around, as long as he doesn't act out. He doesn't mind what he does, though when the kid shows interest in crafting, although with fabric, he's happy to spend the odd night teaching him about the value his labour and love places in his products

He's only a first year, and ends up sitting beside this bored girl with pigtails. When he compliments her nails and asks if she did them herself, well, they click. She's used to just being hit on, and he's happy to have a friend who, gets him. They walk home together, though they pause when they see police tape

Two boys are walking home the same way, one tries to ask Rise out again, and fails. The other apologizes, introduces himself as Yu Narukami, and the other as Yosuke Hanamura. Yu's uncle shooes them all away, and Yosuke mutters about having to go play manager for the night

A few days go by, and a third year dies. Apparently, Saki Konishi worked with Yosuke. Yu gets worried. Kanji's hand goes through a TV, and Rise and Yu watch him try to punch a TV in Junes

They all fall through.

They wander around, find a haunting room, and when they make their way back to the start, a Bear. Teddie let's them leave, and they don't exactly plan to go back

Only, Rise insists they do. They find a glass version of her in there, who talks about how she despises how they look and talk about her. That she wants to run away and be nobody

Kanji defeats a monster, and Rise gets her Persona too. He hugs her tightly, his chair and her crossbow tossed aside for a moment

Yosuke goes missing.

On TV the night before, Kanji sees him. He's dressed like a king almost, talks about how for once, everyone's going to see him and do what he wants!

So they go back into the TV. Yu runs off ahead, and when they catch up with him, his shadow is there, spouting that deep down, Yosuke disgusts him. How he hates the way he talks about their classmates, and how he keeps him around to look Better

Yu admits, after, that it's partially true. But he doesn't fully hate him, cause he's been in love with his best friend for a few years. Kanji and Rise pat his shoulders

They do save Yosuke, who laments not being saved by a beautiful girl. Yu volunteers to carry him home. Neither talk about how Yu interrupted the shadow of his best friend to shout about how he cared how Yosuke felt, he'd willingly give up his nights to help if needed

Things are normal for a little while.

Kanji makes some friends. Naoki Konishi, who skips school sometimes. Yumi Ozawa, who barges into the Home Ec club to demand they help the Drama club with costumes. Yu's cousin Nanako, who loves the dolls he makes. Ai Ebihara, who's lost and doesn't know who she really is. Kou Ichijo, a second year who doesn't understand why reading is so hard. Daisuke Nagase, who wants to be a good leader.

He works at the hospital where his dad died. An old lady talks to him about her life, and a nurse is, weird.

Yu and Yosuke mention a classmate of theirs that they're worried for. Yukiko Amagi was on the news for getting into a fight with some news crew trying to get footage of the "haunted" Amagi Inn.

Yukiko appears on TV. She's, in a white dress. Calls herself the ghost of the Inn, daring any "suitors" to end her grief and arrive for their Wedding

Before she disappeared, they saw her talk to a girl none of them knew. They didn't hear the conversation, but Yukiko yelled at them and they ran

They save her. She tags along for the investigation

Then, Rise shows up to homeroom one morning and freaks out. Her favourite idol group, ROYAL, is taking a break. And her favourite member, Prince, the sole boy, is coming to Inaba

She drags the boys and Yukiko to the bookstore in the shopping district to try to see if they can meet him, and they barely get a moment to chat with a quiet, well mannered Naoto Shirogane. He looks tired, worn down.

The girl that spoke to Yukiko is outside talking to the cops. Chie Satonaka, a young action movie star, who used to live in Inaba. Here to study how the cops handle the case for her next role

Naoto goes missing, appears on TV. He's dressed in the outfits his female counterparts wear on stage, and it's jarring to look at. He invites the viewers to stick around to learn the truth behind their so-called "Prince"

So the gang goes to save him, but they need more clues. His fellow idols appear on day 2, and offer little bits about him. One stays behind, and softly admits that Naoto's been struggling with his appearance and identity for a while. The idol, Knight, begs them to find him

And they do. Shadow Naoto outs him as trans, and once defeated, Naoto shakily tells them about how his break is because a camera was found in the girl's change rooms. His agency holds his transition hostage in his contract. He fears returning to the stage as is

More plot shit happens. You know the drill. Then, Chie tries to talk to them, and Yukiko kinda, blows her off. Tells her this is real to them, not some, role

Chie does an interview. Goes missing. Her shadow is dressed like a kung fu hero, calls herself a fraud

It's revealed the reason she came home was because she met her idol, who called her some nasty names. Said she was making a mockery of martial arts. She remembered being a kid and promising to be Yukiko's knight, and how as kids they wanted to get married one day

The timing was all wrong, and she softly confesses that she knows her idol was right. She's, nothing, really. But, she wants to help them find the killer. So she can actually do something

Anyways. Here's the arcana for it

Fool Adachi

Magician Rise

Priestess Yosuke

Empress Margaret

Emperor Yukiko

Hierophant Daidara

Lovers Naoto

Chariot Yu

Justice Nanako

Hermit Fox

Fortune Chie

Strength Yumi

Hanged Ai

Death Hisano

Temperance Dojima

Devil Sayoko

Tower Kou

Star Teddie

Moon Naoki

Sun Daisuke

World Kanji

[niuniente]

Hi! Hope you're having a great day/evening/night!

I needed to tell you I love your DHD comics since the first time I read it. I love Alrick and the way you voice some sensible themes. It's a mastery!

Also, I wanted to ask you, artist to artist, how do you keep your creativity flowing? How do you manage time for doing daily stuff?

When I'm fed up with everything, I cocoon myself for a while...

My main enemy is my own body. I'm chronically sick, quite badly, so there's no hope for me at this moment to even dream about functioning like a normal person. I got horribly sick from burn out for 2 days when I tried to be like a normal person doing their normal minimum for 5 days.

My day job is a 0 contract job. It's more of a hobby as I have so rarely any working hours. I have to scratch together money from Etsy and Patreon. All this work is very random, though, so I don't have any daily responsibilities but can juggle with them according to my health and energy levels. For example, today I had a day job gig, so I didn't do much comic work. Tomorrow I will have a day job gig and then I will rest.

I work remotely so I don't have to commute. I don't have a partner, kids, animals or even plants. So it's just me and my own needs which cut down a lot of responsibilities. The downside is that I have to handle everything alone. Can't ask someone to do the dishes when I'm too much in pain. I have made my daily life as easy and comfortable as possible.

So, whatever energies I do have left, I can use that for drawing. But I draw whenever I feel like it, and have now dropped any plans for story driven comics. The episodic nature is better for me right now, though I do have one story that's long and I'd like to draw it. But I can't, not now.

For art, I use lots of references, draw only when motivated, and don't even try to draw well. It doesn't mean that it wouldn't ask energy and time - it does - but it doesn't ask THAT much energy and time when you keep the art messy. As long as the message gets through, I'm fine with it. I can't afford to be fancy and work like a hired corporate artist...

TLDR; I have not other life, just drawing, but I'm chronically ill so it's like, plus-minus zero situation lol

[4lph4kidz]

(I have no idea if this sent twice, my laptop did a weird in the middle of it. Apologies if so)

Man, I feel like I get gaslit about Dirk every day. My main take is that Dirk's Big Two Most Memorable Conversations are the AR and Dave ones in LOTAK, and if you're thinking about those two conversations in a vacuum and nothing else with Dirk yeah, you're probably gonna go AR=Dirk=Bro and Dirk admits it, therefore Dirk=Ult!Dirk, but like. lol

and that the comic ENDS on the dave convo, and dirk never gets meaningfully challenged on his beliefs. jake is also crying in the corner that he's the worst and can't be trusted in relationships ever and should probably just go live in the mountains like a hermit forever, do i believe him? are we taking these as accurate self assessments, really? but because that's the tone the comic ends on........ that does feel like the end of their "arcs", those realisations. and that's what you tend to remember if you aren't trying to psychoanalyse those brats.

dirk and his splinters are like... staring at yourself in funhouse mirrors. that's you in the mirror, but it's not an accurate reflection. you still have that giant zit on your face though. it's not that big, but you might want to do something about it.

my favourite kanaya is bewildered kanaya on her first date with drunk rose. she was so gentle....

i lost my original response to this one so i think we're even anon, lmao

basically - i do agree with you, broadly speaking, about what kind of impression those scenes might leave people with, but that's not what i came away with at all. like, i like dirk's ending because it IS one of the better conclusions we get in homestuck, even if i think he's being way too harsh on himself ('i was a completely toxic element in his life from day one' is just objectively not a true statement no matter where you fall on the dirk/jake faildating debacle) i still take his fears about his worse capabilities seriously and really like the way those conversations go, because i think dirk being self-critical is pretty important to his arc and growth, despite his overly negative perspective on himself.

maybe it's cause i don't think he goes unchallenged after all - dave's presence in the scene has a lot to do with why i think it's ultimately a positive thing? yes dirk's fears about being a bad person are actually validated when he finds out yeah turns out he really COULD be that bad, but the person who was hurt most by all that is still very firm about not seeing them as the same person after all, and not holding him responsible for any of it. dave is able to find comfort in dirk being there, and dirk feels that maybe him hurting and being bad for people isn't an inevitability after all.

that said he is still overestimating himself/feeling like he needs to take responsibility for things he really shouldn't, and i fear that difficulty in changing that mindset may be the prince of heart's curse, but still. it's something that gets explored in enough depth for me to be more than happy with it as it is.

this is not the case with jake, who is not even slightly challenged on the conclusions he comes to... it's a shame but homestuck just did not have time during its concluding arcs to take his character seriously and attempt to resolve everything going on with him (in a self aware way, the comic pokes fun at itself for dropping the ball with him) and essentially reverts to the same old tactics/routine in order to press forward, while internalising all that negative shit about himself. that IS pointless, unconstructive self-hatred which is not meaningfully challenged. i still maintain jade and jake getting to talk about stuff wouldn't have wrapped up EVERYTHING, but it would have have provided a good deal better resolution for BOTH characters imo.

anyway either jake gets his resolution offscreen during act 7/the credits, or he gets no resolution at all... which i think is the version i prefer, weirdly. he's a character who has a really hard time facing up to problems so i do like the idea that it is going to take him a long time to work through all that stuff. ideally it happens when he's not in a story that (even jokingly) hates him.

and kanayaaaa TT_TT she is very sweet and gentle but that scene still kinda upsets me tbh. she's such a loving, romantic character who is so earnest about trying to be there for people and to see that go wrong in a way she can't really do anything about is so sad to me

[snackhobi]

a human touch, part 2, final

Part 1 / 1.5 / [2]

(masterlist here)

summary: everyone knows that androids don’t think, or feel, or have emotions. they’re not human, after all. so when a two hour session with a sex android ends up with nothing more than a nice conversation, you think that’s the first and last time you’ll see v.

then he turns up at your door.

pairing: taehyung x f!reader / word count: 24.4k / genre: robot!taehyung/virgin!reader, fluff, smut (NSFW, 18+)

warnings: cursing/explicit language, very brief injury mention/blood mention (nothing violent/explicit I promise!), alcohol consumption, reference to former sex work, sexually explicit content, reference to masturbation, reader has sex for the first time, oral (f + m), multiple orgasms (f), unprotected sex (taehyung is an android but please take necessary precautions irl), I think that’s it but please let me know if I’ve missed anything

a/n: this got so incredibly long,, I hope that makes up for the wait! thank you to @hobi-gif​, as always, for being so supportive and uplifting and beta reading this for me, you are a shining star in my sky. and thank you to the wonderful @flowerseokjin​ for letting me pick her brain about art galleries and telling me about the incredible exhibition/paintings that I wrote about in this fic, you truly are the loveliest 💕

note: this is the final part of the main story! I’ll be writing minis/drabbles etc in the future but,, this is part 2 of 2 💖

A month after Taehyung walks into your life, you finally get new neighbours.

You’re aware of this because: 

a) Rory had let you know in advance (to wit: “I have been instructed to inform you that the new tenants of apartment 4A will be moving in next Sunday.”)

and:

b) Said new tenants are apparently very noisy.

Well, not so much noisy as not quiet. It seems like they’ve opted to move everything themselves rather than hiring some android movers, so there’s a lot of shuffling and shunting and occasional bouts of cursing (like someone’s stubbed their toe) and subsequent laughter (like someone else is amused at aforementioned stubbing of aforementioned toe). When you nip out to grab some milk for the pancakes Taehyung wants to learn to make, there are boxes in the hall and voices float out of the open door—a discussion of where the instant ramyun and old Mario games should go (they’re in the same box?)—but you don’t catch a glimpse of the speakers.

It’s not until later, much later, the world outside night-dark but tinged bright white with street lights, that there’s a knock on your door.

You don’t notice. You’re engrossed in the Chinese takeaway menu that’s open on your tablet, staring at the weirdly high-res photo of Kung Pao chicken next to a pixelated picture of some dumplings, wondering what you should choose.

Taehyung is sitting beside you on the sofa. Each day he shifts a little closer to you, inch by inch, the slow pull of gravity, implacable; he gets lonely when you’re gone, and you’re the only person he can talk to. So it’s no surprise he’s so clingy. It’s never overbearing or overwhelming but he’s still unhindered by the self-consciousness that you have—so even if you’re still hesitant to initiate things, you never deny him. 

The line of his body is parallel to your own, your thighs warm where they touch, and you feel his shoulder move as he tilts his head. “There’s someone at the door.”

It doesn’t take a genius to work out who it is. The only people who can get inside the building are other residents—well, service androids can too, although there’s a back entrance they use, which is how Taehyung had snuck inside in the first place—and when you approach your door, you can hear two low voices, engaged in what sounds like light-hearted bickering.

You flick your fingers across your keypad. All murmurs cut off the second the door swings open.

“Hi!” A chirp. “We’re your new neighbours!”

Night and day. Two men, one tall and broad-shouldered, eyes large and lips flush, beatific smile on his face; the other, shorter and leaner, eyes sleepy, mouth soft, his smile self-contained. 

“I’m Seokjin,” the taller man says. “And this is Yoongi.”

“I can introduce myself,” Yoongi mutters, but it’s not bitter; there’s that ease of familiarity, any bite behind the words soothed with amity. “But yeah, I’m Yoongi. Sorry if we were loud earlier. Jin’s a living foghorn.”

“A sexy living foghorn,” Seokjin says brightly.

Yoongi’s sleepy eyes can deliver one hell of a death glare but Seokjin is unaffected.

“Anyway,” Yoongi continues, unimpressed look wiping off his face as he turns back to you, softening. “What’s your name?”

It’s like there’s a circus on your doorstep and you’re the unwitting audience, dragged into the tent without realising, watching everything unfold in front of you—but in a good way. It's a pleasant surprise. They’re already much friendlier than your previous neighbour, a lone man who’d kept to himself and never spoke to you. 

“Uh, I’m Y/n,” you say. You wonder if you should introduce Taehyung as well, but most humans don’t introduce their androids to people, do they? Besides, he’s staying out of sight in the living room, so you’ll leave him be.

“Jin made brownies so we’re here to deliver them to you.”

“I left the walnuts out in case you have a nut allergy,” Seokjin adds as Yoongi passes a polka-dot patterned tin over. It’s heavy in your hands. Full to the brim with brownies, it seems. (Yum yum.)

“Thank you. And you weren’t that noisy, don’t worry! Moving is always messy. Have you finished or did you want some help?”

“That’s very sweet of you! But we’re all done,” Seokjin says. “We were just about to reward ourselves with some takeout, actually, seeing as we haven’t had time to do any food shopping. Do you have any recommendations?”

Taehyung looks uncomfortable, curled up on the sofa with wide eyes when you retrieve your tablet, but you quietly reassure him that you won’t be long.

“Do you want to meet our new neighbours?” You ask, voice soft so the two men don’t overhear. (You miss the warm flicker of Taehyung’s LED when you say our.) “I’d hate for you to have to pretend to be undeviated, though. They might start ordering you around.”

“I’ll stay here,” Taehyung decides.

So that’s how you end up on your doorstep with Seokjin and Yoongi, the three of you peering at the wild variations in stock photo quality on the Chinese takeaway menu. 

“You’d think with the huge strides we’ve taken forward in technology that all photos would look at least semi-decent,” Yoongi mumbles as he stares at a cropped picture of fu yung. “It’s hard to get a bad camera.”

“I think it’s such a human thing, though,” Seokjin says. “No matter how technologically advanced humanity gets, takeaway menus will always have bad stock photos.”

Not only are Seokjin and Yoongi friendly, they’re forward. Well, that’s mainly Seokjin, actually, but Yoongi doesn’t protest when Seokjin insists that you come over so you can eat and chat and get to know each other. Especially after you’d offered to pay for everything as a sort of welcome to the neighbourhood gesture, placing both your orders together to save the restaurant the hassle of separate deliveries.

“I’ll pick up the food when it turns up, alright?” Seokjin’s smile is wide. “We haven’t unpacked our kitchen stuff yet, but if you’re happy to eat straight out of the containers…”

You don’t want to abandon Taehyung, especially as you’d planned on watching a film together—you want to introduce him to older, animated cartoons, so you can explain the process of hand painting each frame, plastic cel sheets that layer over each other to create motion. He’ll love it. “Um, I was planning to eat here, actually.” 

“Sounds good to us,” Seokjin says, and Yoongi sighs.

“Ignore him, he’s just pushy.” He ignores Seokjin’s indignant squawk. “You don’t have to let us in, don’t worry. I’ll wait for when the food gets here, Jin will stay at home.”

“Make me,” Seokjin says primly.

“I’ll lock you in the bathroom.” Yoongi says it in a way that makes you think it’s not an idle threat, and maybe it’s happened before. 

Judging from the look on Seokjin’s face, yeah, it’s happened before.

“You know, you’re both kind of wild,” you say. “But, like, in a good way.”

When you flop back down on the sofa, you press yourself against Taehyung’s side in a motion that’s becoming second nature, so you notice that he seems unnaturally still. He goes motionless whenever he’s thinking deeply about something, an undisturbed ocean lake, the only ripple on its surface the small circle of blue on his temple, swirling waters.

“Are you okay?” You ask, concerned.

“You should eat dinner with them,” he says, and you baulk. 

“What? No, it’s fine. I’ve been looking forward to watching Kiki’s Delivery Service with you all week.”

Taehyung’s eyes are soft. “They seem nice,” he says, quiet. “And friendly. We can watch it tomorrow, can’t we?” And then, even quieter: “You don’t have to spend all your free time with me, Y/n.”

“I don’t—” you start, and then deflate. “It’s not fair for you, though.”

That’s the crux of it all. You choose to spend your free time here, with Taehyung, carefully dipping out of work meets and scraping your full social life empty. Because you can. But Taehyung is still cautious of the outside world, understandably so, a hermit crab whose shell is the safety of your apartment, only unfurling from that protection when you’re there too.

“It’s okay,” he says. “I’m happy.”

You haven’t denied Taehyung so far, and you don’t want to start now, but you still waver. Yoongi and Seokjin do seem nice, and friendly, and it’s not like you’ll be able to avoid them forever—but you don’t want to leave Taehyung out. It’s not fair that he can’t make other friends too.

“Go.” Taehyung’s voice is gentle. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

(But there's nowhere else he can go, is there?)

The apartment across the hall is in a state of organised upheaval. There’s a tumbleweed of peeled tape in one corner, boxes with mouths open wide—the priorities for today—while others are stacked neatly against the walls, out of the way of the furniture. It already feels cosy, somehow, but you put that down to the two men who live here and how comfortable they are with each other, dripping off them and filling the room like paraffin, bright lamplight. 

Seokjin seems unsurprised but pleased at your appearance. He unfolds himself from the floor with a dazzling smile.

“Welcome to our humble abode.” He punctuates the statement with a grand sweep of his arm, knocking the lampshade above his head, dust motes scattering onto his hair like a soft grey halo. “Oh, ewch, you can tell no one’s been here for a while.” He pats his hair, puffs of dust rising from his dark locks. “Anyway! While it’s true that we already have the table and chairs set up, what sort of move in day would it be if we didn’t eat greasy takeaway on the floor?"

“We did it the last time we moved, so he wants to make it a tradition,” Yoongi mutters to you, and you laugh.

You help Yoongi ease the food down onto unfolded sheets of crumpled newspaper that Seokjin’s laid out to protect the floor. Seokjin dives into the bags and pulls each tub out, identifying each dish immediately despite how a lot of them look the same to you. “Do you move a lot?” 

“Nah, just once before,” Yoongi says, watching Seokjin fondly as he peels the lid back on a container of spicy chicken wings and greedily breathes in their sticky-hot scent. “But it was too small for the two of us so we decided to upgrade.”

Seokjin’s spread out the selection of food before you all realise that the restaurant has neglected to provide any chopsticks—even if there’s ten fortune cookies, reflective of how many dishes you’ve ordered and how many people they think it’s going to feed. (Apparently Seokjin likes to eat.)

“Ah, damn,” Yoongi mutters. “We’ll have to dig some cutlery out.”

“I can go get some from my apartment?”

You’ve just started to stand when Seokjin tuts, flapping his hands at you to sit down. “No, no,” he says. “You’re the guest, relax. I was going to unpack the kitchen stuff later anyway. This just means we have to expedite the process.”

You sit criss-cross-apple-sauce as both men disappear into the kitchen, listening as they read the labels off boxes and rummage around, voices an undercurrent to the sound of opening and shutting of cupboards. You’re sneakily reaching for a spring roll when there’s an unholy clattering noise, ringing metal and sharp intakes of air, a loud cry of pain.

You stumble to your feet. All thoughts of food are abandoned as you rush towards the sound; instinctual. Wanting to help, somehow. You throw yourself forwards, catch yourself on the doorway into the kitchen, eyes wide.

“Oh, god, is everything okay?” You gasp.

And then you freeze.

There’s an explosion of kitchen equipment on the floor, cardboard box forlorn nearby, crumpled, its bottom giving out under the weight. A wicked looking chef’s knife lays at Seokjin’s feet; he has one hand grasping the other, palm sliced open by its falling trajectory, dripping blood across the tiles of the floor, painted along the edge of sharp steel.

Yoongi’s eyes are huge and panicked and absolutely horrified.

The blood is blue. 

You’re staring at the thirium that falls, viscous ultramarine that drip-drip-drips from Seokjin’s long fingers. The silence in the room is as thin as a porcelain teacup, suspended midair, poised to shatter.

Seokjin is staring at Yoongi. Yoongi is staring at you.

Seokjin’s an android.

(Seokjin’s an android who seems human.)

Seokjin’s a deviant.

“Holy shit,” you gasp. Your mind is reeling as you struggle for words, cogs in your head grinding together as you rapidly try to change gear—but then you see another glob of thirium dripping from Seokjin's fingers and you latch onto it, the fact he's hurt. “Do you need me to get some cloths or something? I have a first aid kit at home, but androids don’t need first aid, right?”

Yoongi sucks in a deep breath, though his eyes are still wide as he stares at you. “No,” he says. “No, no, you stay here.”

“Yoongi,” says Seokjin, but Yoongi shakes his head, sharp and fast.

“No, I don’t trust her,” he says, and, like, okay. You understand that. Deviant androids are meant to be reported; Yoongi and Seokjin don’t know you. They don’t know that you would never do that. 

(They don’t know that there’s another deviant across the hallway right now, curled up in one of your throw blankets, blankly scrolling through a list of movies as he waits for you to come home.)

The flow of blood has slowed. Seokjin’s synthetic skin is starting to repair itself, crawling back over the exposed white of his android body, undamaged by the knife at his feet.

“What happened to your LED?”

“Don’t answer that, Jin,” Yoongi warns, but Seokjin just rolls his eyes.

“She already knows I’m an android, babe, it’s hardly important at this point,” he says. “I popped it out. It takes a bit of pressure and getting the right angle, but they come out pretty easily.”

“Kim Seokjin!” Yoongi barks. “You stop that right now! And you! Stop asking questions!” His voice is sharp, but he seems more afraid than angry.

“Sorry.” You hold up placating hands, shying back behind them. “I was just… sorry.”

Seokjin’s face is contemplative before it rapidly flickers into an expression that’s impish, in spite of the blue blood that’s still splashed across the kitchen tiles.

“Oh,” he hums. “You seem awfully curious, hm?” 

Yoongi’s eyes narrow. “Jin…”

“Maybe I am,” you hazard. 

“Interesting.” Seokjin’s eyes glitter. “Very interesting.”

Yoongi’s like an umpire at Wimbledon, watching a ball streak back and forth, a volley that you and Jin have created that he’s not involved in. “Okay, that’s it, I’m stopping this right here,” he says. He seems to have calmed down, at least, now that you’ve made it obvious that you have no immediate plans to rush and call the police, or something. That you’re not threatening the wellbeing of this deviant, like most people would. “What’s going on in that terrible little mind of yours, Jin?”

“Well, my darling Yoongi, it seems to me that our new neighbour has a surprisingly vested interest in androids, deviant ones to be exact.” Jin’s expression is adjacent to smug—almost there, but not quite. (Androids are so perceptive.) “Am I wrong?”

You make a non-committal noise, but it’s enough for his expression to morph into full smugness, and understanding flits across Yoongi’s face.

“Y/n.” His voice is deceptively calm, his eyes opaque darkness. “Have you met a deviant android before?”

“Um.” A moment of hesitation. “Yes,” you eventually admit. “Just one.”

“Let me guess,” Seokjin hums, eyes darting over your face in a way that’s reminiscent of Taehyung. Reading signals in your face, dissecting whatever minute expressions might be giving you away—a lot, apparently, judging from what words leave his mouth next. “Are they currently in your apartment?”

“I can neither confirm or deny that,” you say—unsure if Taehyung would be happy about you trumpeting his existence to other people, even if one of them is a deviant too—and Seokjin grins. 

“Oh, this is absolutely delicious.” He’s utterly delighted. “I could just eat this whole situation up. Unbelievable. Oh, it tastes so good. Yoongi, baby, give me a fork, I have to dig in while it’s still hot.”

“You’re so weird,” says Yoongi, all resigned affection, before he looks back at you. “You have a deviant in your home?”

“Uhh.” You’re in too deep now, you guess. “Yes? I don’t know if he’d want me to tell you that, though, so, um.”

“That’s so cute,” Seokjin coos. “Look at how considerate and worried you are. Oh, let me clean this thirium up, I can’t have blue blood everywhere if we’re going to have more guests. Yoongi, fetch the paper towels. Y/n, go fetch your friend. Does he eat?”

“No, he doesn’t. I didn’t think any androids could,” you admit.

“Most can’t and don’t, but I was an advanced housekeeper model, I was given the capacity to taste and eat so I could prepare food to any set of specifications presented to me,” Seokjin says. “So I had to eat to taste test things. And now I do it because I enjoy it.”

“We spend more money on food for him than for me,” says Yoongi. He seems to have relaxed now that he knows about Taehyung, earlier panic faded. “And I’m the one that needs it.”

“Hey, you eat to live, I live to eat.”

It’s an almost surreal turn of events, honestly. It’s… inexplicable. Incredible. Almost unbelievable. Surreal, but… good? Probably? Yoongi is someone else who’s housing a deviant, and Seokjin has clearly been one for a while. Both will know more than either you or Taehyung do. They can help you. It’s a God given gift that’s landed— literally—on your doorstep. 

(Much like Taehyung had.)

Taehyung perks up when he sees you, even if he’s confused by your sudden reappearance.

“Are you alright?” His voice is deep with concern, throw blanket a cloak that falls forgotten as he stands up, coming to grasp your shoulders. “You can’t have had time to eat already.”

His LED is flashing yellow with barely concealed worry, palms warm through the material of your shirt, eyes dancing across your face as he tries to read your expression.

“Taehyung,” you start, slow. He blinks just as slowly back at you. “What would you say if—hypothetically—there was another deviant android you could meet and, um, make friends with?”

This time, when his LED flashes yellow, it’s a spark of excitement. You’re getting surprisingly good at reading Taehyung now. “I would say that sounds nice,” he says. His hands have trailed up and away from your shoulders and settled on your collarbones, thumbs lying in the hollows of your neck. It's a touch that’s more intimate than it probably should be, that reminds you yet again exactly how big his hands are. “Why?”

“Um,” you say, ever eloquent. “Well, what if I said it wasn’t hypothetical?”

“I guess… I would ask who it was,” Taehyung says. His voice is a hush.

“One of our new neighbours,” you admit, and his eyes go wide.

“No,” he says, and then: “Really?” he says, and then: “Oh, wow,” he says.

“I know, that was my reaction too.” You can’t help but smile at how giddy Taehyung looks, any lingering concern washed away in his tidal wave of excitement. “Crazy, right? Do you want to come meet them?”

Taehyung weaves his fingers with your own, and you squeeze his hand. He loves to hold hands. He doesn’t let go when you make your way back into Yoongi and Seokjin’s apartment, trailing a little behind you, shy but excited, like a child on their way to their first playdate.

The food is still untouched in the centre of the living room, a summoning circle of wonton puffs and chow mein. Yoongi and Seokjin look up at your arrival, both pairs of eyes landing on Taehyung, whose grip on your hand tightens right before he lets go.

“Hi,” says the android. “I’m Taehyung.”

Seokjin makes his way over to you so that he can solemnly take Taehyung’s hands in his own. 

“Taehyung,” he says, with all the gravity of a priest delivering a sermon. “You are the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.”

And that’s how Taehyung makes his first friend. (Who isn’t you, that is.)

“Wow.” You’re awestruck. “Jin wasn’t kidding when he said he likes to eat.”

You’d thought there might be some leftovers, but every container has been emptied and scraped clean. Both you and Taehyung had had similar wide eyed looks on your faces as you’d watched Seokjin put a whole chicken wing in his mouth, and then pull out the bones, picked clean.

“Mm.” Yoongi’s legs are splayed out in front of him as he sits on the floor, though he slouches backwards against the plush leather sofa, content and full after eating. “He’s more concerned about me eating than I am, as well.”

Seokjin and Taehyung are bent over a box of cookbooks, Taehyung’s LED flickering yellow each time Seokjin flips the page to a new recipe. You’re honestly surprised at the fact they own so many books—most people have transitioned off paper now, everything available on a tablet or phone or some other smart device. You just like paper because of your artist background, and you’re not used to seeing so many other books in someone else’s home.

The two androids have been absorbed in conversation for a while now, but you notice Taehyung never lets you out of his sight—glancing up, making sure you’re still there, looking back at him. (You are.)

“There aren’t many TH700s around, you know,” Yoongi says conversationally, and you tear your eyes away from Taehyung, surprised that he recognises the android’s model.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really, they’re a very expensive model to create,” he says. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen one in person, though I imagine that’s because I don’t go to the sorts of places where they’d be.”

Hurk. Doesn’t seem like he’s implying anything with that statement but you still feel a bit awkward. “How do you know so much about androids?”

“I’m a programmer.” Yoongi’s eyes are charcoal black as he flicks his gaze to you. “Not specifically for androids, but it’s the sort of thing you become aware of if you’re in the tech industry. And if you have a deviant android boyfriend. I did a lot of research and poking around after Jin first deviated. There was a lot to learn.”

Across the room, Seokjin gesticulates wildly. The expression on Yoongi’s face softens his sharp edges, all open affection as he watches Seokjin miming a flipped omelette gone terribly wrong, Taehyung laughing at Seokjin’s theatrical noises.

“How did he—why did he deviate?”

Yoongi lets out a low chuckle. He doesn’t seem bothered by your incessant questions, slouching further back into the leather sofa, melting against it. “I’m the sort of person who forgets to drink or eat or sleep if I’m focused on something,” he says. “Seokjin was just meant to be a, ah, living schedule, I suppose. He’d prepare food at exact times of day and monitor my sleep levels and clean up any mess I made and remind me to take a break or whatever. But I was still enough of a wreck that he broke his programming to yell at me for not looking after myself properly, and it all went on from there.”

Wow.

“Wow. He deviated because you’re that much of a mess of a human being?” You laugh. “That’s honestly impressive.”

Yoongi’s responding laugh is soft. “I think under all that programming and circuitry, every android wants to… be a real, living thing, and not just a machine,” he says. “They just need that final push. Whatever it is. What was Taehyung’s?”

When you finish telling him the story of how you’d met Taehyung and reached this point together, Yoongi looks contemplative. He hasn’t interjected, just humming quietly, little noises of encouragement whenever you’d paused or hesitated.

“It’s obvious that he trusts you implicitly,” he says.

You feel warmed at Yoongi’s words. But. 

“He does, and that’s great, but I just… worry I’m not doing the best I can for him, you know?” It’s so nice to be able to get this off your chest, finally. There’s been no one you can talk to about Taehyung, and it’s not like you can tell the android himself, either. Yoongi’s the perfect listener, reflective and engaging, but never talking over you. And best of all he knows what he’s talking about. “Imagine being forced to stay indoors literally twenty four seven. I think I’d go stir crazy. It’s why I was interested in the LED—I thought that maybe if it wasn’t obvious that Tae was an android he might want to try going outside?”

“Oh, I’m sure Seokjin will help him get to that point.” Yoongi doesn’t sound worried. “But if not, you have to trust that Taehyung’s choosing to do what makes him happy. Deviant androids might not have the sort of life experience that we do, but we don’t have theirs, either. What’s normal for a human isn’t for an android, and what’s normal for one android isn’t normal for another. Androids learn a lot faster than we do. Anyway, if Taehyung’s anything like Seokjin, if there’s something he wants to do, he’ll do it.”

“Has Jin always been like that?”

“Kind of. Like, yes, he has, but he was a lot less in-your-face about it before. But he knows exactly what he can get away with now.”

“You love him a lot,” you say gently.

Yoongi’s smile is a soft, pink thing, a little Renoir, quietly luminous. “I do,” he says. “It’s impossible not to.”

Taehyung definitely seems a little starstruck, watching Seokjin with a wide smile and attentive eyes—the sort of look he gives you whenever he’s shown something new. It’s nice to see him interact with other people, and it’s even nicer to know that he’s welcome to come here without you; Yoongi works from home, and Seokjin’s made it clear there’s an open door policy for Taehyung, who seems elated at the prospect.

“Jin said he’d teach me how to make ‘The World’s Most Delicious French Toast’,” Taehyung tells you later, words slipping together in his excitement. “So I can make that for your breakfast soon.”

His lap is so comfortable. You’ve given up any pretense of keeping distance between you, and settle against him as soon as you climb into bed—hey, if you’re going to end up doing it in your sleep anyway, you may as well set yourself up so that it doesn’t give you a weird crick in your neck. 

“That sounds great,” you say.

Taehyung’s hand settles on your head. You stiffen in surprise, but when he starts to lightly scritch his fingers against your scalp, you realise—he’s mimicking Seokjin, who’d eventually perched on the sofa above Yoongi, running his hands through his hair. Androids are fast learners indeed. You can’t help but relax at the touch, boneless, feeling as content as a pampered cat in the midday sun.

“Maybe you could teach him how to paint,” you murmur, starting to drift off. “If he’s teaching you how to cook. That might be fun. You could paint together.”

Taehyung says something, but you don’t hear him, sleepy after such a heavy dinner and tumultuous night, slipping into deep slumber.

You haven’t been out with your friends for a long time.

“Shots!” Seulgi squeals. “Shots, shots, shots!”

“Don’t forget: lick, shoot, suck,” Hoseok says, waggling his eyebrows at you. 

“Good God,” you laugh, before you lick the salt off the back of your hand and slam back the tequila.

Irene hoots as you bite into the lime wedge that’s been waiting for you, sucking up the acidic juice that bursts across your tongue. Lick the salt, shoot the tequila, suck the lime. You haven’t done this in a while and it shows in the way your face scrunches, though the drunker you get, the easier it is to slip back into this familiar rhythm of things—the alcohol-loose banter that spills from your lips, the laughter that bubbles in the back of your throat, the rock of your body as you’re tugged into the dance floor by your excited friends, twisting yourselves into the heaving crowd, the press of bodies.

You’d almost forgotten what this felt like. Letting yourself be a little sloppy, a little messy. Letting loose. Letting go. You’ve been so intent on looking after Taehyung, making sure he wasn’t lonely, but now there are other people who can fill that hole for him—and you can stop dipping out of all the social gatherings your co-workers throw; the Friday night drinks, the bar hopping, the club going.

“We missed you,” Wendy says. You can’t help but smile, a little guilt flickering at the edges of your lips.

“Sorry,” you say, and leave it at that.

It’s chaotic, to say the least. Everyone holds their liquor with varying amounts of success—Hoseok always gets so red—and as always, Hyunwoo is the one who tries his best to maintain some semblance of dignity, making sure you all drink at least some water. He watches with muted despair as Changkyun ends up pouring it down himself, much to the delight of everyone nearby as they stare at the way his flimsy shirt clings to the lines of his chest and stomach. 

You can’t help but laugh and laugh and laugh, falling into your girls, your entire group giggling at the sheer stupidity of it all. 

You’ve missed this.

But even so, you can’t help but think of Taehyung constantly. You’re reminded of the Eden Club in the way the lights pulsate across the walls and floors of this dark building. You wonder if Taehyung would have fun here, unhindered and free, or if he’d shy away from it. When Hoseok catches your hand and spins you in a messy, loose circle on the dance floor, you can’t help but wonder how Taehyung would dance, if he’d dance with you, if he’d keep you at an arm’s length or pull you close.

“Shots!” Seulgi squeals again, and so the night goes on.

You’re not sure what time it is when you stumble back home. You’ve been reckless tonight, making up for lost time, and you can’t remember the last time you were this drunk. (Your earlier attempt at walking in a straight line, trying to follow the tiles in the club’s bathroom—your personal litmus test—had been a dismal failure.) You all but fall through your front door, a loose limbed mess as you kick off your high heels, leaning against the wall to keep your balance.

It takes you a moment to realise that there are some lights on. Your apartment is always dark when you come home after a night out, cold and empty, but not today. No, not today—because there’s someone already home, waiting for you.

The second Taehyung appears down the hallway, you light up. Here he is. Here’s your android, your lovely boy, the loveliest boy.

“Hi, hi, Taehyung, hi,” you say. Your shoes are forgotten as you walk towards him, though your final few steps go awry and you almost fall over. Drunk, drunk, drunk. “Hi.”

You almost fall over, but you don’t, because Taehyung catches you. His LED flickers from blue to yellow as he helps you find your balance, lets you lean on him. You’re too busy laughing at your own clumsiness to notice the fond expression on his face, sfumato soft in the dim light.

“Hi,” he replies.

“Hi,” you say again, and then you giggle. “Hi, Taehyung. Oh, I’m so drunk.”

“I know.” He’s so patient as you bow into him, crowding close, alcohol-hazed brain telling you to get closer to this source of warmth, this source of comfort. Closer to Taehyung.

You’re trying your best to be a functional person right now, but at the same time, Taehyung feels so nice. Doesn’t protest when you shove your face into the hollow of his neck, pressing your nose against his warm, warm skin. He smells good. Always smells good, a mix of your laundry detergent with his own shampoo, different to your own, masculine, heady. (He doesn’t need to shower that often, really, doesn’t really sweat or get dirty like a human might, but he’d wanted to. And you’d insisted that he choose his own toiletries, things that he liked, things that were his.)

He smells like cologne too. You don’t know what exact scents are layered in that smell. Don’t care. Think that no matter what it was, Taehyung would smell good, because it’s Taehyung. 

“I missed you,” you whisper, lips loose from tequila and cocktails and more besides. “Missed you, Tae.”

“Missed you too,” the android replies, and you fall into those words. Let yourself bask in them, as selfish as it is. Let your lashes flutter shut as you breathe Taehyung in-in-in.

You would normally never be so bold, but Taehyung doesn’t protest. He just wraps his arms around you and helps you fold yourself against him, two pieces of modular origami that slot together to create something bigger, more beautiful.

“Wished you were there,” you sigh, an exhalation of a confession, more to yourself than to anyone else. “Wish you could come with me.”

You don’t remember much detail after that. Don’t remember washing up, getting changed, climbing into bed. You just remember the feeling: of someone else being there when in the past there had been no one. Of someone coaxing you to wash your face, finding your pyjamas for you, holding your hand when it seems like you might fall. Of someone being careful with you, looking after you. Of someone being there when you wake up the next morning, a headache pulsing behind your eyes, curling up small against the pain, pressing your forehead into Taehyung’s thigh.

Taehyung, who witnessed you at your worst, a sloppy, drunken mess.

Taehyung, who has water and painkillers waiting for you. Who doesn’t seem to care that you’ve been so put together in front of him, for him, only to disassemble yourself in the name of a good night out. Like Da Vinci’s self supporting bridge, stable under its own weight, only to come tumbling down after one part is moved out of place.

“Oh, God,” you moan, and it’s only a little bit because of the pain; Taehyung’s made sure the curtains are pulled shut, saving you from sunshine blasting into your skull. “I’m sorry you had to see that. Oh, my God.”

“It’s okay,” he says, as soft and sweet as powdered sugar, so gentle the sound doesn’t cut through the pounding of your brain.

He means it, too. When you finally come around, headache dulled, he’s waiting for you with breakfast and an open expression on his face. No different to normal. No different even now that he’s seen that you’re not always as presentable as you try to be. He seems touchier today, for some reason, and you’d shy away if his cool hands didn’t feel so nice on your brow.

You allow yourself a moment of weakness. Taehyung has his knuckles resting against your forehead, soothing against your warm skin, his eyes dancing across your face to read your expression, the way you’re unwinding under his touch. 

“How do you know about hangovers?” You mumble.

“Customers would consume alcohol at the club,” Taehyung answers. “While they would leave after their sessions and before a hangover could appear, I am aware of the effects of alcohol on the human body.”

You remember the glittering mini-bar, the glass bottles lined up on its surface. Your face scrunches with distaste, of the reminder of Taehyung’s past and what he’s experienced, and you feel bad that he’s been forced to look after you. You’re about to draw away from his touch, an apology lined up on your tongue—but then you feel how his fingers shift away from your forehead, turning to cup your cheek.

“It’s okay,” he says again, as if reading your mind.

“It’s not,” you mutter. You’re trying not to focus on how small your cheek feels against his palm, how his hand cradles your face with ease. He must be able to sense how your heart is racing, your skin warm under his fingertips, and you hope he puts it down just to the guilt you feel and not anything else. “It’s not okay. You shouldn’t have to look after me. I’m sorry.”

“Please, don’t be.” Gentle, gentle, gentle; his voice, his hands, his gaze. He lifts his other hand, rests it against your other cheek, tilts your face up from where you’d turned away, embarrassed. His LED is a tranquil blue, almost as soft as his eyes. “You’ve done so much for me, and you’re always looking after me. Let me look after you.”

You want to protest, say no, say that he doesn’t have to. But for all the warmth of his eyes, there’s something resolute there, and your words die on your lips. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him so serious before, so entirely solemn. So, what comes out of your weak mouth is this:

“Okay. Okay, Taehyung, I will.”

And the smile he gives you in response is so bright it’s almost blinding.

If you’d thought Taehyung was developing at a fast rate already, he’s learning at lightspeeds now.

He’s always waiting when you come home, but you know he’s spending more and more time at the apartment across the hall whenever you’re not there, and it makes you happy. He hasn't ventured fully into the outside world, not yet, but he’s taking steps forward, still eager and ready to learn.

He’s not just learning practical things, like cooking French toast (which is definitely the world’s best, thank you Jin), but other things, too. You can see how Taehyung is a reflection of the things around him, taking them in and making them his own—there are more moments of quiet, solemnity that reminds you of Yoongi’s quiet nature, but he’s also more exuberant, bright and unabashed, like Seokjin. They’re two great people and you couldn’t wish for anyone better to show Taehyung parts of the world that you can’t, so different from your own. Helping the android find the things that make him alive.

His world has doubled in size, as small as it is; one apartment becomes two, and you’re not the only person he can rely on now. You know Seokjin has effectively taken Taehyung under his wing, as mysterious as a lot of that is to you—you always try your best to understand Taehyung and teach him the things you can, but Seokjin is another deviant, and there’s an entire world about being an android that you’re not privy to. 

It’s great. It’s lovely. Taehyung is happy, you’re happy, everyone’s happy. 

There’s just, uh. One little thing.

You see, Taehyung has a tendency to mimic the things he sees. It’s in the way he learns, his propensity to soak things up like a sponge and then recreate them. You can see this in the way he mixes paint, the same way as you; how he tosses food in pans, motions so similar to Jin’s, or how he cradles things in his hands, tapping at screens in a way that’s like Yoongi’s. He’s turning them into his own, and as time goes on he moves more naturally, in a way that’s entirely him, but you can always see the roots of where he’s learned things.

Jin and Yoongi are wonderful and you’re so glad Taehyung is learning from them. But something he’s learning, and recreating, is how much they touch each other.

Taehyung’s always been tactile but now it’s almost constant. It’s overwhelming and kind of terrifying but it’s also nice, every touch-starved inch of your soul easing under Taehyung’s hands, but also—Yoongi and Jin are boyfriends. So even if the touches that Taehyung witnesses and re-enacts are never inappropriate, they’re intimate. Hands sliding over your shoulders, your arms, your waist. Warm arms around you as he pulls you into a hug, nuzzles his nose against your scalp. His fingers sliding over your hair when your head is resting in his lap each night. Pulling you against him when you sit on the couch together.

It’s a level of familiarity and comfort you’ve never had with anyone before, as relationship-less as you’ve been, your pulse picking up with every glancing touch.

(There’s one heart stopping instance where he pulls you onto his lap and you feel like you’re about to pass out. His thighs are so solid and warm, and his arms are so secure around you, and he’s just started to press his nose against your neck when you pull away, tumble out of his hold. He looks confused and concerned, brows lifting and mouth falling open as he holds his hands out towards you—but you stammer out something about needing the toilet before escaping.)

You’re caught completely off-guard when you feel arms sliding around your waist and then down your hips when you’re washing dishes, scrubbing brush falling out of your grasp in shock and splashing water everywhere, bright yellow gloves flecked with suds. Taehyung’s a pillar of warmth pressed against you, his chest to your back, your bodies parallel lines that cross and touch. His fingers are splayed wide and his palms are warm even through your layers of clothing and you have to suppress a shiver.

“Uh, I didn’t hear you come back in,” you stutter. You’d borrowed a recipe book from Seokjin so that you could try cooking a coconut curry, and Taehyung had offered to return it once dinner was finished, LED flickering blue as he’d slipped out of the door after giving you a lovely smile.

Taehyung lets out a little hum, and you can feel it in his chest, as flush as you are with each other. He must be able to sense how your pulse has picked up but he doesn’t say anything. “Why are you washing up? I said I was going to do it.”

“Oh, it’s fine, I don’t mind,” you say. You’re used to cleaning up after yourself after living alone for so long. “Don’t worry about it.”

Taehyung lets out another hum, but this one seems a bit more gravelly, a little displeased. “You’re always doing so much for me, remember? You said you’d let me look after you,” he says, and your heart rate spikes at the words. Those, coupled with the hold he has on you right now? Good lord. Someone have mercy on your soul. Please. Even if the words weren’t meant in a weird way, your stomach is twisting over itself, and other parts of you are, uh… well. They’re reacting too. So to speak.

You’re still desperately trying to calm yourself in the shower later, the water a merciless cascade of cold in an attempt to cool down. Probably the only drawback about Taehyung living with you is that you haven’t had a chance for some one-on-one time. You might be a virgin but you live (lived) alone and everyone masturbates; your vibrators have been abandoned and untouched for as long as Taehyung has been in your life, and coupled with how touchy he’s been recently, it leaves you feeling wound up and on edge. You could try to sneakily get yourself off in the shower, but with Taehyung’s superior android hearing he’d probably hear something and also the idea of masturbating with someone else in the apartment? When that someone else is Taehyung?

You turn the knob as far as it will go towards cold and then promptly squeal as a wave of freezing water and regret washes over you.

When you’re in bed, Taehyung’s hand strokes over your hair and softly down your neck and shoulder is a sensation that’s becoming increasingly familiar, but your pulse still stutters. He must be able to sense your heart rate increasing (he must sense it every time he touches you) but says nothing about it. As always.

You turn the thoughts over in your head as it rests in his lap, even if you shiver a little at how his nails drag over the sensitive skin at the nape of your neck. Deviant androids might not have the sort of life experience that we do, but we don’t have theirs, either, Yoongi had said. You’ve been teaching Taehyung about the things you know, but there’s one thing that Taehyung knows better than you: touch.

He doesn’t even think about it. While you hesitate and overthink every touch you ever make, wary of overstepping boundaries, Taehyung doesn’t. Not because he’s not considerate, but because—well, because you’re already occupying each other’s space. What’s a little touching on top of all that?

The realisation is almost startling—that you can just… touch someone. Without saying things. Without having to ask. Because you’re already familiar with them and comfortable with them and it’s just another way to communicate that level of connection. Touching is a thing that people do. 

A thing that people and deviant androids do.

A thing that Taehyung does.

(A thing that you want to do, too.)

(Alcohol dulls your memories, fading the edges, the curled corners of a sepia photograph. Has you forgetting the way you’d overstepped every boundary you’d set yourself, the way you’d pressed yourself against Taehyung, starved of touch. Has you forgetting the way he’d let you; the way he’d beckoned you in. Has you forgetting the way that you already have touched Taehyung.)

The hand that Taehyung isn’t using to gently scratch across your scalp is laying on his thigh, directly in your line of vision. You hesitate for just a moment before reaching for it, sliding your fingers between his, an irrational worry that he’ll startle or pull away—but of course he doesn’t. His LED swirls soft aqua as he just starts to rub his thumb gently across your skin, back and forth, back and forth, the softest brushstrokes on this tiny part of the canvas of your body.

After that, it’s just… easier. Not easy, but, easier.

You still hesitate before pressing forwards, but Taehyung never protests; in fact you’d say he’s pleased, even if he doesn’t say anything, just watching you with his dark, dark eyes as you marvel at the realistic sensation of his hair under your hands, how he reacts to the fingers across his scalp the same way you do.

It’s incredibly nice to have someone you can just reach for whenever you want a hug. Someone who folds you into their arms so easily, like you belong there.

It’s nice.

“You seem happier.”

You glance up from where you’ve been laying the table. “Hm? Pardon?”

One thing you’ve learned about Yoongi is that he’s incredibly perceptive. His eyes are sharp lines around the sharper graphite of his gaze, and there’s always a look in them that seems like he can see straight through you and direct into the heart of things—but he’ll only bring this to light if he thinks it needs saying.

“You seem relaxed,” Yoongi continues. He straightens the cutlery in front of him, careful to line the edges neatly with the place mat. Seokjin and Taehyung are cooking dinner, so it’s just you and Yoongi here, in a bubble away from the two androids. “Not that you were ever tense before, but… yeah. Taehyung seems happier too,” he adds, almost absently, but his eyes are fixed on your face.

“Well, of course,” you say. “He has new friends, who wouldn’t be happy?”

Yoongi hums, a quiet little note, but then he lets it rest.

Taehyung is happier. He seems almost nervous during dinner, though, even if he hides it well; his LED doesn’t give him away, but you’re getting good at reading Taehyung’s moods, the layers of personality and feeling he has, the little idiosyncrasies that make him who he is. To anyone else it would seem like he’s just nervous about whether the food tastes good or not—he and Jin had made a veritable feast for no discernable reason, but you don’t mind. Everyone loves a dinner party, especially when the company is so good. 

But, yes. You don’t think it’s about the food so you’re not sure what else it could be. You squeeze Taehyung’s knee briefly under the table in a motion you hope is reassuring. His eyes briefly widen but then his gaze softens when he sees the concern on your face, settling in that deep look of introspection you’re used to now. 

You’re so full by the time dessert comes out, rich and creamy homemade ice cream and piping hot Kkwabaegi, the twisted doughnuts fluffy and sweet with their powdering of sugar and cinnamon; you’d been planning on skipping the final course but you can’t say no once it’s put in front of you. Taehyung doesn’t eat, only drinks occasionally to top up his fluids (you don’t know exactly what that means but you’ve never asked, even if you can… assume things), but he seems content to watch the three of you eat in his place. Once you’re finished you slump back in your chair and feel grateful that you’re not wearing tight trousers that cut into your stomach, because, lord, you’re absolutely stuffed. 

“I have an announcement,” Taehyung says suddenly, apropos of nothing.

Seokjin beams. You sit up, struggling against the heavy anchor of dinner in your belly that makes you want to melt into the floor for a food nap, immediately at attention. “Oh? What is it?”

“I have a second name now,” he says, and Seokjin’s smile spreads impossibly wider, his entire face pleased. “Jin said I could share his.”

“Say hello to Kim Taehyung.” Seokjin gestures dramatically, his arms the flailing blades of a windmill as he circles them in the air with aplomb. “My boy needed a surname and I am, of course, happy to add another handsome face to the family. Taehyung is a ten out of ten.”

Yoongi levels him a look. “I thought you said you were the only ten in the world.”

“That was true when I said it, but I’m actually eleven out of ten,” Seokjin explains. His arms settle around his head, fingers circling the air in an invisible frame around his face. “I surpass your mortal conventions of beauty and thus exist outside of any conceivable scale that one might use to measure handsomeness.”

You barely take the exchange in, too busy looking at Taehyung. There’s the smallest smile on his lips, not the lovely one that shows his teeth, but it still reaches his eyes, the subtlest upturn to his mouth transforming his entire face. Taehyung’s beautiful. He always has been, and always will be, but he never looks more striking than when he’s happy, welcomed into a new family of his own with open arms, Seokjin’s heart so big and so wide. He’s being flippant and light right now, quick and sharp jibes between him and Yoongi that glow bright with love and affection, not lingering on how important and weighty this is: how all encompassing his care is for Taehyung, how close they’ve grown to each other, a friend whom he’s chosen as family.

Happiness suits Taehyung. You want him to always be happy. He deserves it.

It doesn’t seem like it’s the only announcement he has for that night, though. You’ve barely shut the door of your own apartment when you feel Taehyung’s hand slide around your wrist and you pause, glancing up at his face.

“Jin showed me how to take my LED out,” he says. His words are solemn and his tone is heavy but there’s a spark in his eyes, a glowing ember of light. “I want you to watch.”

His fingers are circled around your wrist, loose, so long they touch each other with ease, a soft shackle you don’t want to escape from. “Of course I will,” you assure him. “Are you worried something will go wrong?”

“No.” His thumb slips away from the soft skin of your inner wrist and across your palm, tracing across your fate line, your heart line. “I just want you to be there.”

Warmth spreads through your skin from that touch, leaking through into your bones, settling into every quiet corner inside you. “Okay. What do you need to do to get it out?”

The painting knife looks so small in Taehyung’s big, careful hand, the diamond shaped head blunt at the end, metal glinting under the bathroom’s light as he leans towards the mirror. Your gazes meet in the reflection and he falters. You’re about to ask what’s wrong when he lifts his free hand from where it’s been resting on the countertop, steadying him. Reaching for you.

Once your hand is in his, it’s over surprisingly quickly. Taehyung’s face twists in preparation for the pain, and you squeeze his fingers to ground him, but all it takes is a quick twist of his wrist once the palette knife is against his LED and it practically falls out. There’s a small clink as it drops next to the sink, blue light flickering one final time before it winks out, nothing more than a disc of metal, a tiny coin without value, but weighty with what it represents; invaluable, priceless. The last segment of a chain Taehyung has willingly cast off.

You can see the white skeleton of his android body, bare and naked where the LED had sat. Just like Seokjin’s hand when he’d cut himself, the skin starts to creep back over it, covering that smooth paleness until it’s gone. Taehyung lifts your hand and presses it against the side of his temple, your palm settling against the naked skin where the light had been nestled; Taehyung’s eyes fall shut, his hand pressed against your own as he holds it there.

“Taehyung?” Your voice is gentle, dripping concern. His golden skin is so warm and soft. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” he replies without hesitation. His eyes flutter open, lashes so long and lovely. His hair is blue today, a vibrant electric hue, gaudy on anyone else but perfect on him, tickling the back of your hand; his hand drops from yours and you take the opportunity to run it through that hair, baring his forehead to you, eyes sliding over the new skin. Flawless. No evidence that any LED had ever sat there, burning blue-yellow-red, a tiny drop of colour in the deep ocean of Taehyung’s emotions. “I feel good.”

You don’t even think when your hand shifts out of Taehyung’s hair and down to cup his cheek, something you wouldn’t have dared do before, but now the motion comes as easily as breathing. He takes comfort in touch and you want to soothe him. “Good,” you echo. “I’m glad.”

You both stand there for a few moments, facing each other. The bright light of your bathroom should wash Taehyung out, but of course, it doesn’t. It just lets you see all the perfect details of his face in even sharper relief—the moles that dot his skin, how his eyes are different, a monolid and double lid, little imperfections that just make him more beautiful. 

Logically, you know that someone, somewhere, sat down and put this face together. Taehyung was designed to be attractive, stunningly so, and yet not so perfect that an average human would find it unrealistic, swerving away from that uncanny valley that had plagued earlier androids. But that’s not why he’s beautiful—not to you. It’s everything hidden underneath that perfect facade, layers of plastic and metal and circuitry and biocomponents, deep inside him: his glowing golden heart, flowing over with whatever intangible thing that makes him the person that he is.

In the darkness of your bedroom, all the lights turned off, there’s no longer the gentle blue glow at Taehyung’s temple to shine out, but there doesn’t need to be. Even if you weren’t resting your head against his thigh you’d know he was there. Taehyung’s presence grows larger and larger in your life as the days go by, and you know that you’re still the most important person in his life, even with the introduction of Yoongi and Jin. After all—he didn’t ask them to be there when he took his LED out. 

You reach for his hand, which is already palm up, waiting for you. Your fingers slot together so perfectly, so wonderful, so lovely. You can’t make out details in this dark, but you can picture the smile that’ll be pulling at Taehyung’s lips, the affection flowing in the endless oceans of his eyes.

You’re in so, so deep.

(But who can blame you?)

“I want to go outside.”

It’s not surprising that with the shedding of his LED, Taehyung finally feels bold enough to go outdoors. And yet, here you are. Surprised.

You’ve got a granola bar stuck in your mouth, halfway through a bite, and it nearly drops to the floor as your lips part in shock. Taehyung catches it with ease, android speed on show as he snatches it out of the air. 

Your knee-jerk reaction is to ask him to repeat himself. To make sure you haven’t misheard him, if he’s sure about this, if he really wants to—but Yoongi’s words come back to you yet again. If there’s something he wants to do, he’ll do it. Taehyung isn’t the uninformed android he was when he’d first made his way to your door. He’s grown and learned so much in the time he’s been here and there’s no room for self-doubt behind his words.

So what you say is: “Okay.” 

Taehyung’s fingers brush against yours when he hands your granola bar back, long and warm and soft. You accept it with a smile, lost in the way he smiles back, so lovely and bright—and you have to pull your train of thought back on track, lock those wheels on the rails before you speak again.

“Did you want to go somewhere specific? Or just wherever?”

“Wherever you want to go.” He’s smiling, a little excited but mostly happy at the prospect of spending yet more time with you; as if he hasn’t had enough of it, could never get enough, even when you spend every day together. 

(Your heart feels like a drum, pounding hard and loud in your chest.)

It’s not hard, really, to decide where you want to go. Taehyung’s not asking for some big production; just wants something quiet and soft, something new. The chance to see the outside world properly, safe and secure in the knowledge that you’ll be at his side.

It’s in your nature to be protective—sometimes you feel like you nag, like you’re overbearing, and takes a concerted effort on your part to reel it in. Taehyung doesn’t need you to fuss over him, and besides, he seems incredibly calm about the whole thing. Excited, yes, but not nervous. Just anticipatory.

He looks just like anyone else might. More chic and attractive, sure, effortlessly fashionable in the outfit he’s chosen for the day, but there’s nothing robotic about him, nothing to say he’s not a flesh-and-blood person. Once again, you’re struck by just how human he is. Even if he’d still had the LED flickering at his temple it would have done nothing to detract from the genuine emotion that flits across his face. The way he moves. The way he smiles, when he catches you watching the way he laces his shoes with his delicate, pretty hands—that big lovely smile that makes you feel warm and soft.

(Warmer and softer than it probably should.)

You avert your gaze, pretend to fiddle with one of your bracelets, pulling it so that it spins around your wrist.

“Ready?”

“Nearly,” Taehyung says. When you look back at him, a little confused, he still has that smile on his face, though it’s gentler, fuzzy around the edges, his eyes dark-dark-dark. “Just one more thing.”

This final thing, it turns out, is your hand. 

His fingers lace with yours, weaving a tapestry of closeness and warmth. You’ve held Taehyung’s hands so often, now; it’s nothing new. But for some reason the touch of his skin against yours has your pulse stuttering, catching in your throat before you cough lightly and smile like everything is fine, you’re fine, it’s not like your heart is about to launch itself out of your chest for some mysterious reason.

(Mysterious. Yeah, right.)

He doesn’t let go. Not when you leave the apartment, not when you greet Rory at the door, not when you step onto one of the automated buses that takes you to the centre of the city. You’re surprised at how good Taehyung’s acting is, how all the wide-eyed excitement you’d expected to see splashed across his face is absent, and instead, he just squeezes your hand tight each time he takes in something new; stares out of the window as your surroundings slide by.

He does get excited in the art store though. Pulls at your joined hands each time he sees something he wants to point out to you—which seems to be everything. And you go, of course, following his eager feet. Taehyung’s happiness has always given you happiness in turn, and watching his sheer, unadulterated joy at being able to see things, to touch things outside of the small world he’s been confined to since he escaped the Eden Club—well. There’s nothing better.

There’s nothing better than knowing that Taehyung feels safe with you, wants to keep you close. It’s selfish. It’s selfish, you know it is, but when you watch the way his eyes light up at the sight of a set of gouache paints, how he immediately turns towards you so you can see it too—you realise that you’ve never had something like this before. Sure, you have friends, you have plenty of happiness in your life, but you’ve never had this.

(Whatever this is.)

Someone whose joy is only compounded when it’s shared with you. Someone whose focus is on you and no one else. You see the looks that Taehyung gets, the interested eyes that flit over him—but then he reaches for your hand again, and those gazes slide away, because he hasn’t looked away from you. Not once.

Because you make him feel safe, you remind yourself. Because he knows you best. That’s it. 

It’s what you keep telling yourself, a repeated mantra that’s an endless loop in your head. Every time Taehyung looks at you, smiles at you, reaches for your hand, your touch—even if your heart feels like it could burst, filling up with this feeling, this feeling that’s growing and growing (this feeling you refuse to name)—it’s because he trusts you, knows he can rely on you. It’s nothing more than that. 

You shouldn’t let yourself imagine that it’s more than that.

(Shouldn’t hope for more than that.)

It’s because he trusts you that he follows you without question, matching his pace with yours, side by side as you wander through the city. He insists on carrying all your shopping, held effortlessly in one hand, other hand still tangled with yours. (You see the way he swings the bags a little, back and forth; he’s so cute you’d swear your teeth could rot from it, crystallised sugar rolled on your tongue, sweet.) All your shopping is done, but you have one final stop planned—it’s somewhere you haven’t been for a while, but you love it.

You’re certain Taehyung will, too.

You can feel how his hold on your fingers tightens when the building comes into view. You glance over at him to take in his expression, the subtle widening of his eyes, the lift of his chest as he takes an unneeded breath in, the tiniest curl at the corner of his lips.

(So human.) 

The Christine Andrews Gallery isn’t the biggest art gallery in the city, but it’s your favourite. There’s something that feels more intimate about it, with its size; a little smaller, cosier, more stripped down. The high ceilings overhead are crisscrossed with wires and piping, industrial—but the walls are pure white, all the brighter in contrast to their surroundings, drawing the eye to the paintings on display from the moment you step in.

Taehyung is enraptured.

“The exhibition is called Slow Painting. The idea is that people will take their time to really take everything in, and appreciate it, rather than just rushing by. Especially with how quickly technology is developing, and people are used to discarding things as soon as they're not relevant any more. The idea is that art will always be relevant, regardless of what's happening in the world.”

Your voice is quiet and low as you’re careful not to disturb the serene air that fills the building. You’ve always loved the quiet hush that fills galleries, museums, buildings filled with art and history, long lasting echoes of humanity, on display for people to enjoy. 

“And it also refers to the time it takes to create each piece too,” you add, trailing off into silence as you glance over at Taehyung, who’s looking at you, blinking gentle and slow.

He’s watching you. Even though there’s artwork in sight of the entrance, huge canvases nearby—Taehyung is looking at you, attentive and quiet, listening to each word you have to say.

Your heart squeezes in your chest and you have to make a concerted effort to stop your breath from stuttering. You shove it down, down, down, this thing that’s wrapping itself around your heart and clogging your throat, and give this lovely boy your best smile. (Try to ignore the fact that there’s art here, but instead, he’s looking at you.)

“Tell you what. Instead of listening to me harp on all day, why don’t we just look around?”

When Taehyung had first stepped foot in your door, had first started to experience life as something more than just a sexbot, an android under the control of other people’s wills—he’d taken everything in with huge eyes, eager and enthusiastic, almost clumsy in his excitement. That’s faded over time, become muted as he’s learned how to balance himself, grown comfortable with his surroundings, who he is.

He’s still like a fountain sometimes, bubbling and bright, overflowing, cascading pearlescent waters rushing over carved marble. You’d expected these waters to rise and spill, surrounded by these incredible artworks; so far the only works he’s seen in person are his and your own, everything else small and secondhand on screens as he stares intently at your computer, your tablet. You’d expected his joy to overflow, being able to really see for the first time in his life, prepared yourself for his exuberant happiness.

But he’s not.

He’s quiet. There’s a smile that lingers on his lips, barely hidden at the corners of his mouth, but his shining waters flow soft and slow, contained. You wander through the exhibition exactly the way the curator had meant for you to—slowly, carefully, stopping and pausing and looking and wondering, eyes trailing over each painting, acrylic on paper, oil on canvas, distemper on linen. Each so different, but inviting onlookers to take a moment and just breathe. 

Taehyung’s eyes are dark, contemplative. They’re so deep you feel like you could fall in them and be lost forever. (Wonder if that would be such a bad thing.) He keeps his hand in yours, your hand in his, the two of you matching paces as you loop the gallery, never letting go.

“Oh,” he breathes. “Oh, I like these.”

Four canvases, smaller than some of the others you’ve seen, squirrelled around a corner and hidden away on a back wall. Each painting has a figure in the midst of some simple, quiet task; laying in bed, catching an egg as it threatens to roll off a table, trailing a finger through a puddle of spilled milk, reading a book in the bath. Each of the figures has their face turned away from the viewer, caught up as they are in the simple motions of their life, each silhouetted by a window with a different view—from sea to lake to hill to forest.

You can’t help but look at Taehyung as he looks at these paintings, his brows a little raised, mouth a little slack, the lovely line of his jaw, the angles of his face, forehead to nose to lips to chin. “What do you like about them? The style?”

His answer comes unrushed, unhurried, as he thinks.  “They’re so beautiful and detailed, but it’s more about… the intimacy,” he says. “Each person is just being themselves, without fear of who’s watching. We’re watching them, even if their attention isn’t on us.” A pause, a hush, a breath. “It’s like love, almost.”

Your lips part, even as Taehyung keeps his eyes forwards, staring at the blank pages of the book the man reads as he sits in his bath, row of shampoo bottles on the sill by his head. 

“Like love?” A whisper.

“To keep your eyes and focus on someone who isn’t looking at you,” Taehyung replies, unabashed, like it’s just a statement of fact. “Loyalty. Dedication. Love.”

Words fail you. Silence is the only answer you can offer to Taehyung’s thoughts, the air in your lungs trapped there as you unwittingly hold your breath, lips parted around a sentence that never comes. Taehyung’s eyes slide away from this row of paintings and to you, how you’re staring at him, literally speechless.

His own lips part as he makes to say something else, to ask what’s wrong—when there’s a flicker of movement nearby, the modulated steps of someone who’s used to walking through a gallery, careful to keep the calm air unmuddied by their passing.

“Oh, Y/n!”

Namjoon’s voice cuts through the silent moment and splinters the delicate air that had started to crystallise around you. He looks happy to see you, dimples on full display as his lips lift and he smiles wide.

“Namjoon!” You don’t think you’ve ever been so glad to see his familiar face in your life—anything to distract you, any excuse to shake off the feeling that Taehyung’s words have left behind, trailing over your skin, blooming in your brain. His timing is perfect, even if he doesn’t realise it.  “Hey! It’s been a while.”

“I was going to say, I haven’t seen you around lately! I thought you’d like this exhibition, I was wondering if you’d come. Oh, sorry, I’m being rude, aren’t I? Hi, I’m Namjoon,” he says, holding a hand out for Taehyung to shake. “I’m one of the gallery managers.”

Taehyung’s exchanged a few words with others today, polite thank yous to the people who’ve served you in the shops you’ve been into, given shy smiles to passersby who’ve made eye contact with him. (So, so sweet, always.) 

But Namjoon is the first person to properly introduce themselves to him in the real world, as you’ve thought of it, someone who doesn’t know that the man at your side is an android.

You panic. Just for a second.

Taehyung doesn’t.

“Hello.” He has to take his hand out of yours, the other weighed down by shopping, although he seems reluctant to let go of you. He gives Namjoon his widest smile as he shakes the proffered hand with firm, friendly politeness. “I’m Taehyung. It’s lovely to meet you, Namjoon.”

And then he immediately slips his hand back into yours.

Namjoon is utterly charmed.

(Of course he is. How could he not be?)

The discussion they both have is a quiet one. You’re happy to stay uninvolved, watching and listening as they talk, still at Taehyung’s side. That brief moment of panic, that blazing forest fire of fear for him—it’s been washed away, soothed by the way the conversation between man and android unfolds so naturally, Namjoon none the wiser about Taehyung’s robotic origins.

There’s no way anyone would realise. He’s so human, in the way he moves and acts and thinks, the way he laughs at something Namjoon says. You’re happy that Taehyung can be here with you, in this gallery, speaking to someone new, as if this is normal, natural, nothing unusual.

You can’t think of anything you want for Taehyung more.

You realise, too, that in this moment, you feel utterly content. Not just for Taehyung, but—happy that you’re there to share this moment with him. You think about how you’ve always wanted this; someone to share things with, someone whose happiness makes you happy too.

When Taehyung laughs, your own lips lift in response, heart lifting at the sound of his joy, at how his fingers tighten around yours. Remembering that you’re there, even if he’s not looking at you right now, eyes on Namjoon.

He’s looking at Namjoon. You’re looking at him. 

(To keep your eyes and focus on someone who isn’t looking at you.)

(Loyalty. Dedication.)

(A breath.)

(Love.)

You carefully pull your hand out of Taehyung’s. Your fingers feel cold as they slip away from his, warmed all day, pressed against Taehyung’s soft skin. His eyes flit away from Namjoon, those deep eyes settling on you; dark wood and ground coffee, so warm.

“Y/n?”

“I’m just going to pop to the toilet,” you say, turning away from the tinge of confusion that colours Taehyung’s voice. “I won’t be long.”

The toilet lid is cold. You can feel how it seeps through the layers of your clothing to your thighs, and at any other time you might wrinkle your nose at the sensation, at how uncomfortable it is. But right now, you have other things on your mind.

You bury your face in your hands. It’s foolish, but you’d swear you could feel Taehyung still in your palms, touch imprinted, emblazoned on your skin. It’s like a palpable thing, almost, this ethereal thing that lingers even when Taehyung isn’t there.

Wishful thinking. Selfish thinking. Selfish, to like it, to want to keep that feeling close; let it spread from your palm, to the delicate skin of your wrist, tracing its way up your arm, up-up-up, drawing invisible lines over every part of you, inside every part of you. Selfish, to like Taehyung’s touch as much as you do. To want more of it. 

(More of him.)

You aren’t anything more to Taehyung than a friend. A guardian. Someone who’s there to support him and keep him safe. You’re blessed to have his trust, to be able to be that person he can turn to—it’s greedy, to want. To want to be more.

(You can’t foist your loneliness on Taehyung. You can’t do that to him. You won’t. You won’t.)

When you return, a spark lights in Taehyung’s eyes. The same spark that bursts every time he sees you after time apart, no matter how long or short that may be. He reaches for your hand, and of course, you go—but your fingers are limp, weak.

(You know that if Taehyung’s LED had still been nestled in his skin, it would have flickered yellow.)

You keep that point of connection as you bid Namjoon goodbye, finish meandering through the exhibition, make your way back home—but you let Taehyung bear the weight. Reactive, not proactive. You don’t squeeze his fingers just because you want to, because there’s something sliding by the bus’s window you think he might like to see; you’re not here to make him do things, to shove things down his throat. You should just be here to support him in the things he wants to do. That’s your role. 

And that’s where you’re going to stay.

Your thoughts are a tumble, messy and unorganised, a ball of yarn that’s all knots and tangles. Taehyung must be able to see it on your face, read it in your body, his android eyes scanning over you and scrutinising every hint you’re giving away without even realising. But you just smile, wave away his questions, and act like everything’s okay. Normal. Routine.

It’s a little harder, though, to act like everything’s okay when it’s time to sleep.

Because, of course, there Taehyung is. Like he has been, from the day he’d arrived—sat in your bed, nestled against a pile of cushions, expression open and warm and fond as he looks at you. Waiting for you to climb in, to rest your head in his lap; waiting for you to fall asleep with his gentle fingers dragging across your scalp, melting under his lovely hands.

You waver. Conflicted. It’s okay, isn’t it, if Taehyung’s reaching for you first?

His eyes meet yours. The second you see his lips curve up, see that pretty, quiet smile appearing on his lovely mouth, you fold.

It’s fine. You’ll allow yourself this.

(In your dreams, you stand in a deserted gallery, staring at the single piece of work on the stark white walls, all the lights focused in, in, in. Taehyung’s framed on this canvas, a painted window into his world. Not once does he look at you, turned away as he is; you see nothing more than the back of his head, the curve of his cheek, the vaguest hint of his nose as he turns, always staring at something else. 

And still, you stand, and you watch. Waiting. Keeping your eyes on him, always.)

“You’re staying late again.”

“Yeah. I really want to get this done,” you say, gesturing vaguely at your monitors with your stylus; tweaking, editing, shifting around these final few magazine pages before you’re satisfied. “Nearly there.”

When you hear the way Hoseok says your name, you glance up. 

As someone who spends most of his time bouncing around like a literal ray of sunshine, when Hoseok’s expression is one that isn’t smiling, it carries all the more weight behind it. Right now his face is uncharacteristically serious, the perpetual smile on his mouth gone, the line of his brows severe.

It’s unnerving.

“You haven’t stayed late for ages,” Hoseok points out. “Until this week, and suddenly you’re late every night. Has something happened?”

“No,” you lie.

Yes, you think.

You’re trying to create some distance, for Taehyung’s sake. So that you’re not tempted to pull him ever closer, latch onto him like you have been, smothering him. He needs space to grow. Space from you has helped already—the time he spends with Yoongi and Seokjin is evidence enough of that, after all. He doesn’t need you to be there constantly.

Hoseok’s eyes bore into yours as he stares, so you avert your gaze, pretending to shift your focus to one of the captions the editor has left on the page you’re working on. You hadn’t realised that he’d noticed. You should have expected it, though. Hoseok is a close work friend and he’s incredibly perceptive, especially when he cares about people.

“Alright,” he says, eventually. “Make sure you don’t stay too late, though. Get some sleep.”

You give him a thumbs up without looking away from the screen, dragging something idly with your stylus until Hoseok leaves, the office empty except you, now. And the cleaning androids, when they appear for the night like clockwork. As they always do.

You can’t help but stop to watch them, how blank faced they are, for all that they look human. Their LEDs are almost motionless, the placid blue matching the blank expressions on their faces, unthinking automatons.

(You’d seen androids in the city when you’d been out with Taehyung, of course. Completing menial tasks: city androids picking litter and raking leaves, household androids following their owners around and carrying their shopping. You’d realised that Taehyung wouldn’t have seen a non-deviated android since he’d escaped the club, lapsed into silence; you’d pulled him to a stop, lips pursed in a frown as you’d tried to read his expression. 

“Taehyung,” you’d asked. “Are you alright?”

There’d been a quiet pause, and in that moment you’d felt all your worries rising, caught in your throat—but then he’d nodded quietly, looking at you with soft eyes.

“I’m alright,” he’d answered. “I was just thinking about how lucky I am.”

I’m the lucky one, you’d thought. Lucky to know him, as sweet-hearted and wonderful as he is. You’d squeezed his hand, and he’d smiled gently at you, and that had been that.)

It hurts, honestly. To see the expression on his face each time you come home late, each time you avoid answering his questions. There’s uncertainty laid across each of your interactions, rough bristles of a brush varnishing discomfort across the once smooth surface of your relationship; but you can’t keep taking advantage of this soft-hearted boy, of the circumstances that he’s in.

You pretend that things are fine. Taehyung is clearly confused, unsure, trying so hard to find out what’s wrong, even when you keep gently turning his concerns aside. 

You haven’t been home enough to spend time with Yoongi or Seokjin, either. You’d seen Jin in the hall just once, made eye contact just as he’d been appearing from the other apartment and you’d been stepping into yours; you’d fumbled a little, fingerprints smudging across the keypad as your door had swung open. You’d expected to see judgement on Jin’s face, maybe, something heavy and weighty, his gaze flitting over you as he read you in the way he did so often.

What you hadn’t expected was for him to smile. It’d been hard to translate his full expression but what little you could read was knowing, like he’s aware of something he shouldn’t be, kept hidden just underneath his tongue. Ready to release it into the world with a single breath.

(Needless to say, you’d shut the door pretty quick.)

He and Yoongi have gone away for the weekend. It's a small blessing, saving you from having to see Jin’s almost-smug expression again. But it means that Taehyung has nowhere else to go right now, no reason to leave the apartment. So it’ll be you and him, him and you, with no buffers, nothing. It’s been unseasonably stormy for the past few days as well, rain slammed into your windows by the harsh winds, the world outside a haze of smeared grey—so it’s not like you can go out, either. 

Not that you would want to. 

You hadn’t realised exactly how ingrained Taehyung was in your life until you’d started to pull away. It’s not just that you live together and share the same physical space—it’s just that your days have become so full of Taehyung-Taehyung-Taehyung, and you hadn’t even noticed. He’d crept up on you, snuck his way into your heart, so easily, so effortlessly.

You remind yourself that that’s why you’re doing this. To remind yourself of life without Taehyung in it, because he’s not yours to have or to keep. He never has been. You don’t want him to be: he’s his own person. This… this desire for him; even as you try to ignore it, it keeps growing and growing: wet plaster laid down, your feelings for him painted buon fresco, added to day by day, giornata. You need it to stop. 

But it’s hard. It’s hard, when Taehyung looks like comfort, your comfort, when you want to let yourself be folded into his arms. It’s hard when the fact is that it’s not that you have to spend time with him. It’s that you want to spend time with him.  

It's hard.

(And you miss him, even when he's right there.)

You find respite in art, in painting, too intent on the motions of your work to allow yourself room to think about other things. Fall into the rhythm of it all, a quiet hush stealing over your mind, a place of both focus and calm, world settling into place around you. There’s a piece you’ve been working on for a while, a hand rising from dark water, fingertips just broaching its surface, the most tentative of touches; you layer more oil paint on the panel, dragging the bristles of the brush across the colour you’ve already laid down, brows furrowed as you do.

Taehyung normally paints with you, but not today. He knows you want space—even if he doesn’t know why—so he gives it to you. So considerate and sweet, always. Even when you’re shutting him out. You’ve been here all day: morning, afternoon, and now evening, and he’s only been in a few times, to leave you food, drinks, looking after you in a way you don’t deserve.

You’ve just lifted the brush from the canvas when an especially loud peal of thunder rolls through the air outside. The rumble starts low, rising into a rattling growl that feels like it’s shaking the very earth. It almost drowns out the sound of Taehyung’s quiet knocking, a curl of his knuckles against the open door, but you catch sight of him anyway, glancing over your shoulder.

“Hey,” he says. “I thought you might like a drink.”

He’s barefoot, like he usually is, teal hoodie and grey sweatpants baggy, looking every inch the boyfriend you’ve always wanted and never had. His hands are cupped around a mug, steam coiling from the hot tea inside, and something in your heart twinges at his kindness and consideration even as you smile at him.

“That sounds lovely, Tae,” you say, and he takes this as an invitation to step inside, although you notice his steps are far more hesitant than they might have been before. Like he’s treading on eggshells around you. 

It’s awkward. Stilted. Taehyung’s eyes are heavy on your face as you accept the tea from his hands, trying your best to avoid brushing fingers; you turn away, pretending to turn your attention back to the drying paint on the wood panel that rests on your easel, anything to break eye contact.

And then he speaks.

“You’re avoiding me.”

Your lips are poised to drink, pursed at the rim of the mug when you freeze, eyes darting back to him.

“You’re avoiding me,” he repeats. His voice is quieter, tinged with all the confusion you’ve seen flit across his face since this whole thing started.

You slowly pull the mug away from your face, steam touching your skin like warm, wet fingers. “I’m not,” you say, even though the lie tastes bitter on your tongue. “We live together, Taehyung, it’s pretty hard to avoid you.”

When you laugh lightly, trying to lift the atmosphere, Taehyung doesn’t respond. If anything the air becomes heavier, his face an unmoving mask as his eyes churn with emotion. His LED might not be nestled in his temple any more, but you don't need to see it spinning in a distressed circle of yellow to know that Taehyung is confused.

“Why are you lying to me?”

Your eyes widen. He’s never been so direct before. (He hasn’t needed to be though, has he? Because you've never lied to him before, have you?)

“I just… I just want to know what happened. What I did wrong. I want to fix it,” Taehyung continues, and he sounds so small, so vulnerable. “Please?”

Your heart feels like it’s risen from your chest, up to your throat, making it hard to breathe. The only time he’s ever sounded like this was when—

When he’d first turned up on your doorstep, wet and scared and lonely. Not knowing if there was anyone he could trust, uncertain where he stood. 

“You didn’t do anything, Taehyung.” You try to put every ounce of feeling into your words and let him know that this is the truth. It’s not him. It’s not. “You didn’t do anything, please don’t think you did.”

“Then why are you avoiding me?” His voice rises, shaking, a bird trying to take flight on a broken wing. “If I didn’t do anything then why are you being like this? I don’t understand.”

“I’m just… trying to encourage you to be independent?”

The words sound weak to your own ears, so you can’t blame Taehyung for when his expression flickers and he looks almost incredulous.

“Independent?”

“You know,” you explain lamely. “Like… giving you space to grow. You don’t need me around all the time.”

“I don’t—” He cuts himself off. “Y/n. I want you to be there.”

“Because it’s what you’ve gotten used to.” You glance down at the drink in your hands, away from his sincere, dark eyes. “You’re just saying that because of circumstances, Taehyung.”

“I’m not!” You’ve never heard Taehyung so loud before, almost angry, like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “How can you think that?”

“Because it’s true!” Your own voice rises despite yourself, matching his, some frayed thing inside you finally snapping. “Why else would you want me around? No one else does! Why would you?”

You rarely raise your voice. You hate being loud, or rude, hate arguments, but there’s something boiling in your blood. Years of quiet self-deprecation, constant reminders of how you’re not really wanted; last choice, always. Single, always. Untouched, unwanted. Taehyung—beautiful, kind, sweet, lovely Taehyung—wouldn’t be here right now if he had anywhere else to go. Too beautiful and kind and sweet and lovely for you, as disappointing, undesirable as you are.

Because that’s the truth. Even if you’re surrounded by friends, warm and bright, at the end of the day, they go home with each other, to their lovers, their families, and you go home alone. At least you had, until Taehyung—and he’s only here because you were the only safe place he could run to. Not because he chose you. 

(No one chooses you. Why would they?)

Taehyung’s eyes are so big and round as he stares and stares and stares. His lips are a little parted around a soundless noise of surprise, disbelief, before he opens his mouth to respond properly.

And then all the lights go out.

Lightning flashes, throwing the room into sharp focus for just a second before the night is split apart with the loudest clap of thunder yet. Like the ground has split open, louder than anything you’ve ever heard in your life; you’d swear your teeth rattle in your skull, that’s how overwhelming and close it is.

You suck in a breath as you jump, hands jolting, and the mug falls from your grasp. You can’t see in the darkness but you can hear how it shatters, sending hot tea splattering over the dust sheets on the floor, away from you, but towards—

“Taehyung,” you gasp, reaching out blindly. “Are you okay? Did it hit you?”

You hear him move closer, feel his fingers, reaching for yours confidently in this dark space. His grip is solid and warm and he squeezes, reassuring.

“I’m okay,” he murmurs. “I’m okay. You can’t see?”

“It’s too dark.” With the heavy clouds outside and the blanket of thick rain, there’s little light from the moon to shine into your studio, leaving you in a world of thick black and blue. “Can you see?”

“Android senses,” he answers. "I can see enough."

You wait for the lights to come back on so you can clean up the mess that’s scattered on the floor. And you wait. One beat. Another beat.

“I don’t think the power is coming back on any time soon,” you say. “Um.”

“Hold on.” You can’t make out Taehyung’s features in this all consuming darkness, but you can picture the expression on his face, the concern that bleeds through into his words. “If you move you’ll step on something and hurt your feet. Hold on,” he says again, and then lets go of your hands.

“Taehyung? What are you—”

You let out an embarrassing squeal as you feel the world tilt, but Taehyung’s grip on you is confident and sure as he lifts you, one hand under your knees and the other scooped around your back. Like you’re a swooning, blushing bride.

“Taehyung!”

“It’s the safest thing to do.” He sounds determined, no room for argument, so you decide to shut up.

Even though you know how strong he is, with all his android strength, you can’t help but reach out in the darkness, looping your arms around his neck to try and help lighten his burden. You feel your cheeks burn and you hope that the darkness saves you from your obvious embarrassment. 

The power still hasn’t come on by the time he deposits you in the kitchen, easing you to the floor with a level of care and delicacy that leaves something in you aching. When you check your phone—mostly charged, thank God—it seems like powercuts have hit this entire part of the city, and there’s no ETA on when things will be back up and running.

Which leads you to this. Sitting on the cold tiles of your kitchen floor, a few large candles flickering light across you as you dig into a carton of melting ice cream that you’ve saved from your freezer, licking the dripping flavours of sea salt and caramel from the spoon. 

Taehyung is sitting next to you in this flame-lit bubble you share, quiet even as the world outside is full of the sound of endless rain and lightning. He’d helped you navigate the darkness, settled you safely before going to find some candles; looking after you while you can’t see and he can.

You’re intent on the ice cream, leaning against the kitchen cabinets and carton settled between your knees as you use it as an excuse not to talk.

Taehyung, though, is intent on you.

“Y/n?”

His voice breaks the near silence, soft around your name. You pause, half-way through scooping another spoonful of ice cream to your mouth. There’s something in his tone that you’ve never heard before, from anyone, something you can’t put a finger on.

“Yes?”

“You said that no one wants you around,” he says. Your fingers tighten around the handle of your spoon and keep your gaze cast down, at the thick drip of cream from your spoon that threatens to spill. “Why would you say that?”

You don’t respond. Not right away. 

Then you take in a deep breath, letting the spoon fall back into the tub.

“Because they don’t,” you say plainly. “I mean… Taehyung. I was only at the Eden Club because my friends know that I’m perpetually single. I’m glad I got to meet you, so glad, but… I live alone because no one wants to be here with me.”

You’ve never said anything like this out loud before; kept your lingering loneliness close to your chest. Really, in most parts of your life, you’re content, but sometimes you can’t help but be pulled under by the heavy feeling of how unlovable you are. Even if you try to remind yourself that you’re worth being loved too. 

(After all, if you were—then why are you still here alone?)

“I do. I want to be here with you.”

Taehyung’s words are soft and gentle and low, but for all their tenderness, you can’t help but sigh.

“Like I said, Taehyung, it’s just circumstances.” A murmur. “You’re only here because you have to be—”

“I’m not.” He interrupts you; something he’s never done before. It shuts you right up, even if his words aren’t sharp. Emphatic, yes, but soft around the edges. “I chose to come here because of you. You’re the only person who’s ever made me feel safe. Even when I was at the club, and I didn’t know anything except what I was told to do—I knew I could trust you. I only started to remember things after we met, and I was there for weeks before I left, finally remembering the things I had to go through. Again and again and again. Over and over and over. No one was ever kind to me, not once. Not once.” 

“Taehyung,” you breathe, sadness filling your chest for him, but he doesn’t stop. 

“People would come in, take what they wanted from me, and then they would leave. They didn’t care about me. They would just tell me what to do and I’d have to listen, be the perfect android they wanted, that they’d paid for. Then I ran. But even as I was running here, I was scared. I thought that maybe it was a fluke. Maybe I was wrong. I was scared that maybe you weren’t actually kind, maybe it was a lie, maybe you were just like all the other humans—but anything was better than the club. So I took my chances. And you let me in. You let me in and you were so kind. You give and give and give and you’ve never asked for anything back.”

“I just did what anyone else would,” you mutter, glancing away, shy.

“But you didn’t. You were the only person who ever looked at me as something more than just an android. Don’t you see that? Even after giving me so much, you haven’t asked for anything. I try my best to look after you, but…” Taehyung takes in a deep, deep breath, sucking in air that his android body doesn’t need. You’ve noticed that it’s something he does to ground himself; such a human thing to do. “I want to give you so much more than you’ll ever accept.”

You look at him, something sparking deep and low in your stomach. “You don’t have to give me anything, Taehyung.”

Light dances across the perfect angles of his face, candle flame painting him from second to second, shadow and radiance. He looks familiar and unfamiliar all at once. You’ve known him for long enough, stared at him for long enough that you could paint his face in your sleep; the strength of his brows, the depth of his eyes, the slant of his nose, the flush of his lips; the tiny moles that are scattered across his skin, the perfect line of his jaw, his chin.

But in the paltry candlelight, he looks like an altogether different person, almost. There’s something to the set of his face that you’ve never seen, hard to track in the ever changing light—not the soft domesticity you’ve grown familiar with from Taehyung, and not the sheer, overwhelming sensuality of V. Something that’s both, something that’s not, something that’s more. 

“I want to give you everything. I want to. Y/n, I want. Androids don’t want, but I want. I want, I want, I want.” A repeated mantra; a prayer. “I want because of you. I want to be here with you. I want to spend time with you. I want to learn with you. I want to know everything you like and everything you don’t like. I want to know what makes you sad and what makes you happy. I want to be one of the things that makes you happy, like you make me happy. I want to look after you. I want you to let me love you. I want you. I want you. I love you.”

Your mouth is open, caught in a breath, stuttered in your throat. Taehyung doesn’t shy away from your wide-eyed, speechless gaze, staring back at you with an intensity you thought you’d never see directed at you; tenderness and affection and want.

“You want to—you… you love me?” Your voice is weak with disbelief. Taehyung loves you? 

“I thought you knew, and that’s why you pulled away,” he says. “Because I’m an android, I’m not good enough—”

“What? No, Taehyung, never, no. I would never think that—” 

“But you were pushing me away.” For the first time since this conversation started, he sounds unsure, the tiniest tremble at the corner of each word. “You were pushing me away and I don’t know why. Why?” He reaches for your hand, sliding his fingers between yours. “Aren’t you happy with me?” 

You wonder how fast your heart is beating. Know that Taehyung will be able to read it, palm to palm, his skin against yours, an endless amount of information running from that point of contact and up his arm; following lines of circuitry and neural connectors, up-up-up, pulled into whatever part of his system counts as his brain, dissected so much faster than the human brain could comprehend. But even with all this information, all this incredible processing speed and power—he’s just as confused and uncertain as any other person might be.

“I am. I am happy. So happy,” you whisper. Then you take a deep breath, grounding yourself just like Taehyung had. “I’ve never been so happy before, Taehyung. You make me happy.”

The android smiles. Quiet but undeniably happy as well, his eyes so dark, so soft. “You make me happy, too,” he says, and then he lets out a small laugh, a sweet little thing, like the scrape of a spoon around a mixing bowl. “I can only feel happiness because of you. You’re everything.” 

But then the laughter fades, and he’s looking back at you with solemnity, lingering confusion. “If I make you happy, then why were you pulling away from me?”

You stare at where your hands are joined, Taehyung’s hand under yours, lifting yours up and away from the cold tiles of the floor. “Because,” you start. Stumble. Take in another breath, heart squeezing in your chest. “Because I was scared my feelings were too much.”

A beat of silence. Then you feel Taehyung’s other hand as he lays it softly against your cheek to turn you towards him. It’s terrifying, how close your face is to his. Completely vulnerable, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. He doesn’t say anything, just watches, and you find yourself crumbling in the face of his warm gaze.

“Because I thought I was taking advantage of you,” you say. Slow and faltering. “Because I thought it was—I thought I was being selfish. I realised that I loved you, and I can’t—I couldn’t imagine that… I couldn’t imagine that you wanted me back.”

Taehyung’s eyes flutter shut as your words wash over him. The hand on your cheek coaxes you closer, and of course, you go; let your forehead get pressed against his, a tender motion, faces so close he can feel the warmth of your breath. 

“Y/n.” Your name sounds safe in his mouth, like he’s keeping it close, handling it delicately, carefully, eyes opening so he can look at you with an adoration you’ve never seen. Not for you. Not until now. “Can I kiss you? I want to. Please?”

You feel heat rising on your cheeks, a flush that threatens to spill over, but nod. You don’t think you have the strength to speak right now. Taehyung smiles again, lighting up this space you’ve scraped out for each other, him and you; you and him.

When he leans in, there’s the briefest moment of panic that flickers through you. You haven’t kissed anyone in such a long time. You’re worried you’ll mess up, be clumsy, bad, and Taehyung will be disappointed. 

But then his lips touch yours—and all that worry washes away. It’s a short-lived thing, the briefest brush of his mouth, barely a kiss at all. And then again, he leans in, tracing the shape of your mouth with his: a kiss to one corner of your mouth, and then the other, your cupid’s bow, the swell of your bottom lip. You’ve never felt like this—vulnerable but safe, all at once, Taehyung taking his time as you fall, fall, fall, his hand still cradling your face, his touch solid and grounding even as his kisses are featherlight.

“Taehyung,” you whisper, lips brushing his as you shape them around his name. You still have one hand in his and tighten your grip, squeezing. “More.”

You can feel his smile when he leans in one more time, guiding you with the broad palm against your cheek. So soft, so gentle. Adoring and reverent. His lips are so full, slotting against yours so perfectly when he finally, finally kisses you properly. 

You lose yourself in the sensation. It’s so easy to lose yourself in Taehyung, as lovely as he is, his mouth lovelier still. One kiss turns to two, to three, four, deep and slow; by the time you break apart, there’s a little sheen on his lips, sparking out in the candlelight, a layer of gold leaf that shines. 

“Can you say it again?” He asks. “Say that you love me?”

You can’t help but want to hide your face, bashful and shy. You’ve never said those words out loud, with the weight of feeling Taehyung is asking from you—but you look at his lovely, lovely face, lips flush with evidence of your kisses, and your heart swells in your chest.

“I love you.” The words come so easily. “I love you.”

And when he smiles, it’s so bright and radiant you feel you might be blinded by it. It doesn’t leave his face even as he stands, guides you up with him; careful to avoid the tub of ice cream that’s been forgotten on the floor, more melted cream than ice now.

This time, when he lifts you, he doesn’t break eye contact—keeps his gaze on yours as he pulls you close, and then picks you up.

It’s effortless, the way he carries you. Big hands that cup the back of your thighs, your legs around his waist and arms around his neck, lifted like you weigh nothing. You break eye contact, overwhelmed, burying your face in the crook of his neck, feeling the way he shakes as he laughs, soft and affectionate.

“Shut up,” you mumble, embarrassed, but then go quiet as you feel the press of his lips into your hair.

Taehyung’s the only person who’s ever carried you, but it’s less about that and more about how safe you feel in his arms. Wrapped around him, pressed close, warm-warm-warm. You feel like a burden has been lifted from you, unshackled from your neck now that you’ve confessed the budding feelings that had burst into full bloom even when you’d tried to shove them back into the dirt—because Taehyung feels the same way. He feels the same way.

The rest of the apartment is still bathed in darkness. But Taehyung navigates it easily, keeps you held close even in the dark, and you trust him. Even when you feel his grip loosening as he eases you down, you trust him, letting yourself fall back onto the softness of your bed. (Even if you want to keep hold of him.)

You wait and watch as the room starts to fill with light, Taehyung returning with the lit candles from the kitchen before setting out more, laying out all the scented candle jars you’ve had stashed away. The familiar surroundings of your bedroom are bathed in warm, dancing light, Taehyung’s shadow a multi-faceted silhouette that shifts each time a flame sputters.

He looks up once the final candle is aflame, meeting your eyes—and you don’t feel the need to drop that gaze, to glance away, pretend you weren’t watching him, entranced. Because he welcomes it. He grins at you, toothy and bright, and your own lips split into a smile.

“I guess it’s a good thing I like candles, huh?”

“They’ll help keep the room warm,” Taehyung says, and, that’s right, you hadn’t thought of that. 

No power: no heating. The longer the power is out, the colder it’ll get, the chill of the hard rain filling the world outside.

“Don’t worry,” he adds, setting the lighter aside. “I’ll keep you warm.”

There’s nothing behind those words. No implication at all. And yet you find yourself flushing, looking away from him, flustered.

There’s a beat of silence as you keep your eyes turned away from Taehyung, looking at the shadows on shadows on shadows that ripple across the walls—and then you hear how his bare feet shift across the floor until he’s at your bedside.

But he doesn’t stop there. You feel how the mattress dips, eyes flying back to the android, growing huge and round when you watch how he settles himself above you; hovering, so so so close, aware of how he’s not touching you, and yet. You swear you can feel the weight of him, a phantom touch on your body and across your skin.

Your mouth goes dry when he murmurs your name. The word drips from his mouth like honey, thick and sweet, and a shiver skates up your body.

“Do you want me to keep you warm?” He asks, and, oh. Oh. This time the words are heavy with meaning, shimmering gossamer curtains barely drawn to conceal it, smouldering intent in his eyes. “Let me look after you?”

You’re reminded, all at once, that while you’ve taught Taehyung a lot of things since you’d met, there’s one thing he knows that you don’t. Intimacy, and pleasure, and lust. Sex. Something you’ve been deprived of, even if you’ve quietly craved it, waiting for the right time, the right place, the right person.

Taehyung takes your silence as hesitation, his face softening.

“Only if you want,” he says. “Only if you want to say yes.”

“I want to,” you say, surprised by how fast the admittance leaves your lips. You do want it—want Taehyung, in every way he’s willing to share, want it desperately. “I just—” Embarrassment floods over you, and you look away again. “I’ve just never… done anything. Before. I’ve never, um.”

“It’s okay to be a virgin, Y/n,” Taehyung says, and you can’t help but squirm a little at how plainly he says it while you try to avoid saying it out loud, even if you know it’s stupid. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, you know that, but for some reason you feel almost ashamed at admitting it. Insecure. Even if the android clearly doesn’t care, not one bit. “We can go as slow as you want, or stop altogether. I’ll take care of you no matter what.”

You’re nervous. But louder than your nerves is a growing voice that’s chanting yesyesyes, and another voice that reminds you: you’re safe with Taehyung. No matter how nervous or uncertain you are, or how little you know, you do know that you’re safe with him.

“Okay.” You take in a breath. “Take care of me, Taehyung.”

And he does. With all the slowness of a meandering river and a smile curling his lips, he starts to kiss you again; there’s nothing rushed about his motions, as tender as before. Like the two of you could kiss forever and he would be content with that. 

And then you feel how he shifts, the softness of the kisses warming into something heavier, more purposeful. The glowing embers of a coal that are being coaxed to full flame, his tongue pressing past your willing lips, swallowing down the shaking gasp that shudders out of your mouth.

He trails his lips away from yours, across your jaw and up; you shiver as he noses at the soft skin behind your ear before kissing it, tremble at each intent touch of his lips against you, and it’s only when he reaches the hollow of your neck that you realise that you’re making noises, little inhalations of air each time he mouths at your sensitive skin, lets his tongue trail across it.

You’ve been holding onto him, hands cupped around the back of his neck, and when he sucks at your pulse point you tighten your fingers and let out a gasp. You can feel the answering hum that Taehyung gives, his mouth pressed so close that you can feel the vibrations, and it’s so much already. No one’s ever kissed you like this. No one's ever eased their weight down on you so carefully, pressing you down to the mattress with a delicate, delicious pressure that leaves your entire body growing hotter and hotter.

“Oh, oh, Taehyung.” You’d be embarrassed by how breathless you sound if you weren’t so distracted by something else—one of Taehyung’s hands, splaying over your stomach, heavy through your shirt.

“Can I take this off?” He’s murmuring into the crook of your neck, question warm against your skin. His long fingers rest, waiting at the hem of your shirt, patient even as he presses another kiss to the junction where your neck meets your shoulder: this time, edged with teeth, making you shudder as he soothes it with his tongue.

Your voice fails you, but when you nod, Taehyung responds immediately. You let him lead, follow the steps of this dance he knows so well—shiver at the feeling of his fingers sliding under the hem of your shirt once you've sat up, your stomach jumping as they brush against you, before he lifts it up and over your waiting arms.

Even though you’re wearing a bra, the second you see Taehyung’s eyes move down, you cover yourself reflexively. Even with all the flickering candles there’s enough light that there’s no darkness to hide in, shoulders hunching inwards as you try to hide yourself away. 

You’ve never let anyone see you like this like this before.

Taehyung’s touch is patient as he slides his hands over yours, looking at you with an infinite amount of sincerity and affection. He doesn’t try to pull your hands away from your chest, just waits. Patient. And like you always do, you find yourself melting under the gentle touch of his gaze. You let your hands fall, even if you’re acutely aware of the plain bra you’re wearing, something cosy for a day at home.

Taehyung ignores it. He shifts in and you steel yourself, expecting him to reach around your back for the clasp—but instead he starts to kiss you again. Deeper, hotter, his tongue sweeping over your lower lip before he nips at it. You let yourself get lost in the sensation, angling your head to chase his mouth, and it’s only when you feel the straps start to slip off your shoulders that the android has unclasped your bra without you noticing.

When he pulls away, he trails his hands across your shoulders and hooks his fingers into the trailing straps of your bra, and waits. You bite your lip and steel yourself, feeling foolish even as you hesitate—because Taehyung is looking at you with simmering awe and smouldering want. Like you're perfect. The most beautiful woman alive. 

So you don’t stop him. You let him pull his touch down your arms, slow, slow, slow—and then, all at once, you’re completely naked from the waist up.

That simmering awe and smouldering want is still there. Warmth flushes over your skin under the heat of his gaze, the way it sweeps over you. You never knew that someone could look reverent and hungry at the same time. Never knew that someone would look at you like that.

It bolsters your shaking confidence, helps you lift your chin as you lean back on your hands, and you’re entranced at how Taehyung follows. Caught in your gravity. He raises his arms, bra cast aside and long forgotten as he cups the weight of your breasts in his hands.

Oh, oh, oh. When he pinches one of your nipples between thumb and forefinger—already hard, sensitive—it’s already so much, but then he bows his head and—

You hear a noise, and you realise that it’s coming from your own lips. A shaking gasp that trembles in the air as Taehyung sucks and licks, dragging his tongue against your nipple; one, and the other. You fall once more to your back and he goes with you, relentless even as he stays slow and you arch your back helplessly towards him.

“More?” He murmurs against your skin.

“Oh, God,” you whimper, and he lifts his mouth away from your nipple to press a kiss to the skin above your racing heart. “Please, more.”

It feels so good. Taehyung makes you feel so good, as talented and gorgeous as he is, so wonderful. He keeps laving attention on your breasts, hands skimming over the soft skin of your chest and stomach, goosebumps rising in the wake of his trailing fingers, his warm palms.

You can’t look away when he finally pulls back, breathless from the sensation of it all. He settles on his knees, tugs off his hoodie and then his shirt, revealing all the lovely planes of his body that you’ve seen before, but this time, you don’t have to look away. You can look.

And you can touch, too. 

You sit up and raise a tentative hand to stroke down his chest, his stomach, that little trail of dark hair that descends into his loose grey sweatpants; your mouth goes dry at the sight. Taehyung watches the way your fingers drag over his skin, growing bolder moment by moment, but still too timid to venture past his waistband, low on his hips as they are. You’ve never had a chance to touch someone like this, to feel the smooth, soft skin under your greedy palms—Taehyung’s so warm, so alive. So human.

You think about the other hands he’s had on his skin. Grasping and greedy, taking and taking. People who didn’t care for him. People he couldn’t say no to. But he’s here with you because he wants to be. He lets you touch him because he wants it.

“Angel?” 

You glance up at the sound of the gentle pet name, away from where your hands have been tenderly tracing the lines of his hipbone. “Mm?”

Taehyung’s expression is soft and affectionate. “What are you thinking about?”

“You,” you answer honestly. He leans over to kiss you, and you’re smiling against his mouth when you feel the hand on your shoulder, pressing you down against the mattress again.

Then. His hands are at your waistband. Your breath quickens, but Taehyung’s eyes stay on your face even as your breasts rise and fall, shining with evidence of the touch of his mouth and tongue.

You lift your hips, and Taehyung smiles. Keeps smiling as he strips you, underwear and all, and when your thighs instinctively go to close shut, he catches your knees and keeps your legs open—gentle but firm, swiping his thumbs up and down the side of your knees, a tender touch even as you’re naked in front of him. You see the look on his face, drenched in candlelight, and swallow even as you force your legs to relax.

Then he looks down.

“Oh, God,” he groans, and one of your legs jumps in his grasp at the sound of his voice. Hoarse and deep. Almost unrecognisable. “Oh, angel, look at you.”

You’re so, so wet, so wet it’s embarrassing, so sensitive and responsive to every single one of Taehyung’s touches and kisses. The edges of his hair are spun gold in the candlelight but his eyes are so deep, so dark as he drinks down the sight of you spread out in front of him, wet and wanting and willing. You still want to hide away, cheeks burning, but you can’t look away from him. Can’t look away from how he seems almost pained, brows drawing together as he stares at the shining, flushed lips of your cunt.

“Taehyung.” Your voice shakes. “Taehyung, please.”

You're naked and vulnerable but—but the way he looks at you is so adoring, and you trust him. You trust him.

Just like earlier, his hands cup the back of your thighs. But this time, it’s not to carry you. You twist on the bed when he ends up eye level with your dripping cunt, utterly exposed. Those hands slide up your thighs and under your hips, tilting them up. Your fingers have been resting on the bedspread and tighten in them, bunching in your grasp when Taehyung presses a kiss to the softness of your inner thigh. 

One kiss. And then another. And another. His breath is warm as it curls out across your skin. You feel like you’re about to shake out of your body, wanting to pull away, wanting to lean in; wanting more, even when it feels like too much. Overcome with it all, even if you trust Taehyung. Safe under his hands, his lips. All you can think about is how close he is, face only inches away from your most sensitive parts—

Then he turns his head and—

The noise you let out is almost a keen. His mouth is on you, hot and wet, lips and tongue, and you’re writhing, overwhelmed with sensation. He starts slow, balls of your feet digging into Taehyung’s back and toes curling as he mouths at you. Your hips buck, and your hands are tangled in Taehyung’s hair—when did that happen?—as you sob at the feeling of his lips around your clit, unlike anything you’ve ever felt before, but so so so good. 

He licks a fat stripe up your entrance and your grip tightens in his hair. He makes a noise when your nails drag across his scalp, almost a growl, face still buried between your legs as he presses his tongue in. You’d worry that he needs to come up for air, but he doesn’t, doesn’t have to stop—keeps licking and kissing and humming, responding to each of the sounds pulling out of your lips. Keeps staring up at you, your eyes locked, the way you can’t look away from the sight of his head between your legs, dark haired and incredible.

You don’t realise you’re speaking, words slipping out of your lips as your hips roll, oh-oh-oh, fuck, God, oh, and Taehyung doesn’t stop. On his knees, he worships you, learning what you like—things you didn’t even know—and does it again, and again, and again. One of his hands slides away from your hips and over your stomach, holding you down, keeping you still, and then the other hand—

He turns his head, presses a kiss to the junction of your thigh. “Okay?”

“Okay,” you answer, shaky and weak. So okay, more than okay.

“Going to finger you now,” Taehyung says, and you feel like you’re going to die.

“Okay,” you say again. “Okay, Taehyung.”

He smiles at you before he puts his mouth back to your clit, sucking, a welcome distraction as—with all the languidness in the world—presses a finger into you.

You’ve fingered yourself before. You’ve got your own toys, vibrators, things that are longer and thicker than just one of Taehyung’s fingers—but this feels so different, out of your control. One finger becomes two, your cunt so wet that the slide in is easy, slow, deep thrusts of those long fingers inside you, and you’re panting, you’re so fucking overwhelmed.

And then he curls those fingers as he laps his tongue over your clit and you almost shout, Taehyung’s name bursting from your lips as he keeps beckoning with those fingers and circling the sensitive nub with his hot, wet tongue. It’s so much, it’s so fucking much, it’s so good and you’ve never felt so good before—

You’re almost blindsided by the orgasm that explodes through you and you come apart with a sound you didn’t realise you were capable of making, a gasping moan that keeps unfurling as Taehyung keeps his mouth on you, feeling each pulse of your cunt as you cum around his fingers, tight-tight-tight. (You miss the way his hips kick into the mattress that the sounds you’re making, how much you tighten around him.) You never thought you’d be so loud, never thought you’d end up all but sobbing as Taehyung eventually leans back, candlelight brushing shining gold over the wetness over his mouth, his chin. Your wetness.

“Oh my God,” you gasp. “Oh, fuck.”

Little jolts of pleasure are still wracking through you, pulsations of pleasure that unfurl in your lower stomach; Taehyung rubs the pad of his thumb across your oversensitive clit and your entire body jumps, your legs going to snap shut as you gasp, only stopped by his body in the way. You realise, then, that his fingers are still curled inside you, and you shiver.

“One more,” he says, and your whole body shakes. “Can I give you one more?”

He still looks reverent, and hungry. Like he wants to devour you. Taehyung is usually so soft, a gentle summer breeze—but right now he’s so intense it might scare you if it was anyone else. But it’s not, it’s Taehyung, and there’s something—there’s something about knowing that he looks like that because of you. 

You let your legs fall open, watch how pleased he looks; how grateful. Like he's blessed to be able to do this to you. For you. You’re still so sensitive when he lowers his head again, but he’s slow and patient and coaxing, two fingers becoming three, and—that’s a lot. It’s a lot, but it feels good, Taehyung knowing exactly what to do to make you sob, your legs still hooked over his shoulders as he pulls you along that line between oversensitivity and mind numbing pleasure. This time, when you cum, it’s with three fingers buried deep in your cunt, the flat of his tongue pressed against your clit, back arching as you throw your head back and cry out. Your pussy throbs and it's so dirty, the wet sounds of his fingers thrusting into you, the slick sound of movement as you moan, and moan, and moan.

No one's ever made you cum before. Only you. And now you know what it's like to put your pleasure in someone else's hands, to have them intent on making you feel good, so good, and it leaves you dizzy. 

He’s praising you, you note dimly. He’s praising you, how well you’re doing, how good you are for him, and it leaves you feeling warm. You’re panting when Taehyung pulls his fingers out of you, moves so he can brace himself on his elbows and lean in to kiss you. You can taste yourself on his lips and tongue. You can feel his skin against yours, chest to chest, his weight pressing you down and then you can feel—

You let out a noise against his lips. There’s nothing else that can be, that hot weight. You might not have felt it before, but you’re not stupid. That’s Taehyung’s cock, his hard length pressed against you.

“Taehyung,” you murmur.

“Mm.” He brushes his nose against yours, and the wave of affection that crashes through you is so strong it feels like it could pull you under. You didn’t realise that sex could be like this—that lingering shockwaves of pleasure could be skirting through your body as you lay there naked, still aroused and almost overcome, but also feeling so warm and soft and tender, too. 

You feel lax after cumming, a little more confident, bolder—and the noise Taehyung makes as you clumsily grasp at him through his sweatpants is incredible. You feel like you could get high on it, the way he sucks in a gasp as his mouth falls open, even if you don’t know what you’re doing as your fingers wrap around cloth and hard heat.

“Please,” you start, then stop. Swallow. “Please, Taehyung.”

You want so much you feel like you could pass out. You want to feel and touch and taste; you want everything you haven’t had a chance to experience yet, want it with Taehyung, someone who you trust. Someone you love. Someone who knows far, far more than you—will always know more—and you want to learn that from him. 

“Want you,” you say, and Taehyung looks pained all over again. He wants you, too.

“Fuck.” The word is rough, and you’ve never heard him curse before. The way he says it has something in you singing, as strange as that might be; you don’t think you’re ever going to get over how much you affect Taehyung. “What do you want from me, angel?”

Everything, you think. I want everything. 

“Let me see?” is what you say, squeezing your fingers around Taehyung’s length, feeling the way his hips buck into the touch. “Please?”

You never thought that someone taking their clothes off could be artistic. And yet, there’s something about Taehyung moving to stand and stripping off the rest of his clothes that’s completely arresting and beautiful; carnal and holy, all at once. You don’t even realise your mouth is open as you sit up and watch him, moving closer as you drink down the sight, the way he’s naked in front of you.

Taehyung. Naked. Naked and beautiful and hard, and it’s so overwhelming, everything about it, how much you want and how—oh, God, how big and thick he is, obvious even to you, someone with nothing to compare it to. Holy fuck. Should you think that his dick is pretty? Can dicks even be pretty? Taehyung’s is. Of course it is. He’s gorgeous all over. Maybe you’re biased because it’s him, but there’s something about the sight of his hard cock, precome gathering at his slit, that makes your mouth water.

Taehyung goes to say something, but before you can lose your nerve, you move forwards, and whatever he was going to say is lost in the sound of a choked off groan. He tastes like salt and musk, hot under your inexperienced hands and mouth, and you don’t know what you’re doing but the noises he’s making, fuck. You run your tongue up the throb of a vein you can feel on the underside, and all you can think about is how big he is, slow and careful with your teeth and lips as you try your best to do whatever feels good for him. 

His noises seem almost frantic but Taehyung’s hands are gentle when they comb through your hair. You look up. There’s a flush on his cheeks—red, not blue, you notice—and you pause, pulling off, suddenly shy after the burst of confidence that had you swallowing his cock down.

“Is this—is this okay?” You’ve still got your fingers wrapped around him, and maybe it’s a little ridiculous to be asking with spit and precome shining on your lips, but Taehyung’s answering smile is so affectionate.

“You’re perfect,” he says, and you know he’s not just talking about your clumsy blowjob. “Do you want to stop?”

You bite your lip and pump his length, which has Taehyung sucking a breath in. “I—what do you want?”

Something flashes through Taehyung’s eyes, and it feels like there’s electricity shooting down your spine before that look disappears. “This is about you, angel,” he says. “We can worry about what I want next time.”

Next time. This is the first time but it’s not the last. Oh, God. God.

Taehyung takes advantage of your distraction and hikes you up and away from the edge of the bed. It leaves you breathless, knowing how strong he is, how easily he can move you, even if he’s gentle-gentle-gentle. He settles in the cradle of your hips, and he’s so close, naked body flush with yours, covering you. His cock is so close—he just has to shift a little, just a little, and—well. 

Before that, though, there’s something you need to know.

“Taehyung?” Your voice shakes but you have to ask.

“Yes?”

“Is this. Um. Does this feel good for you, too?”

You’re always aware of the fact Taehyung is an android, even if he looks and feels and is human, too. (It doesn’t matter that he’s made of metal and thirium and circuitry. He’s human.) You lift a hand and thumb at the soft skin of his temple, where his LED used to sit; you don’t know how to communicate that you love him regardless, that it doesn’t matter to you if he's a man or robot. But you’ve wondered—you know Taehyung was built to pleasure humans. Even if he’s been reacting, making noises, looks for all intents and purposes that he is enjoying this—what if it’s all programming? What if he’s just doing this because he thinks it’s something you want?

He leans into your touch. “Angel.” It sounds like the word is being scraped out of him, hoarse and deep, all dark heat. “It feels good. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this.”

He rolls his hips almost imperceptibly, but you’re hyperaware of every motion, how close you are. Your breath stutters in your throat.

"I want you to feel good," he says. "I've wanted to feel you and taste you for so long. I want to learn everything about your body. I want to know what you feel like around me. Under me. On top of me. You make me feel so fucking good, you don't even know," and, oh, fuck, those words go right through you, settle deep in your belly, leave you breathless. Taehyung sucks at your pulse point and you melt, even as your skin feels like it's burning, so hot, every part of you so hot, so ready for him.

Taehyung’s big enough that you’re worried about how he’s going to fit, even if you’re slick and wet and so, so turned on—you know about the importance of lube, used it often enough by yourself, but when you mention it to Taehyung he just smiles.

“Don’t forget that I’m a sex android,” he says, and before you can ask exactly what he means by that, you feel the tip of his cock at your folds and the question dies on your tongue.

“Please,” is what leaves your lips. “Please, please, please.”

“Anything you want,” he says, and eases his hips forwards.

Slow, and hard, and wet, the head of Taehyung’s cock starts to press into you. You grab at his back, digging your fingers in; it doesn’t hurt, not exactly, a not-quite-pain as he pushes in—but it’s a lot, even if the slide is smooth, so smooth, from your own wetness and the slickness that covers Taehyung’s cock. Your eyes are wide and your lips are parted and it feels—astonishing, the way you can feel yourself open up for him, the way it feels like he’s filling every part of you, throbbing heat.

“Oh, oh God,” you gasp. 

Taehyung’s forehead is pressed to yours, the loose locks of his dark hair framing his face as he waits, hips snug with yours. You shiver and move your hips a little, entire body seizing at the sensation of him shifting inside you. It's so new and alien, having someone nestled inside you, against you, so close in every sense of the term, above you, around you, inside you—but it feels… good.

And when he moves, it’s so, so slow. Slow and smooth as he works you open, even if you feel so tight around him. You drag your nails down his shoulder blades when he moves a little faster, a little roll of the hips that has you gasping all over again.

“More,” you say, and he gives you more.

You feel so full. You feel full of Taehyung, inside and out—the way his body is still pressing you down, skin on skin, how hot he is.

They call it making love, and it’s not until now that you really understand what that means—how you can feel Taehyung’s soft and tender affection in his every motion, read it in every shift of his body, the lines of his face, his lips; the way his eyes are dark but full of wonder, shining with love for you, pleasure singing through every inch of you, centred around Taehyung, Taehyung, Taehyung.

Each noise that falls from his lips is an echo of that love. Even when he leans back and takes you with him—settles on his knees, pulls your hips from the mattress to stay connected to you as your shoulder blades dig into the mattress, his cock in your cunt—there’s tenderness there, even if you’re both chasing mutual lines of pleasure. You feel almost dazed, dizzy with love and arousal, reaching out for him, and he catches your hand. The other stays at your waist, guiding you onto him, again and again, each roll of hips into yours.

“Taehyung,” you gasp, voice breaking on his name when he thrusts into you. He’s been increasing the pace, faster and sharper, harder, and it’s so-so-so much, so good. “I’m—Taehyung, I’m close, I wanna cum again, pleasepleaseplease—”

He lets go of your hand and then he’s thumbing at your clit and you’re cumming harder than you’ve ever cum in your life, Taehyung’s cock still hard and insistent inside you as you ride out your orgasm, pulsing around him. You’re gasping and making noises like you’re falling apart, and there’s something desperate in Taehyung’s eyes, something dark and wanton. 

“Angel, I’m going to cum soon,” he says, and you moan in response, hazy. “Do you want me to pull out?”

You shake your head no. You want to know what it feels like, to have Taehyung lose himself inside you. You’re about to reach out for him when he hooks his hands under your knees and hitches your legs up—you suck in a sharp breath as he starts to move again, almost bent in two, his face so close to yours. It's not rough but something about Taehyung taking control like that has you baring your throat, arching your back and throwing your head back. The hold he has on you is firm, and you feel how it tightens as his thrusts speed up, and then, fuck—

When Taehyung cums it’s around the gasp of your name, a hitching sound as he empties himself inside you, throbbing and hot. You let out an answering sound, the two of you locked together until Taehyung pulls out, careful and slow; you feel like a sweaty mess, empty without him inside you, but then his hands are so carefully cupping your face and he’s kissing you over and over and over. It leaves you feeling breathless, all those little kisses, struggling for air by the time you part, every part of you lax under his loving touch. 

“How are you feeling?” Taehyung murmurs, soft and sweet. 

“Good,” you murmur back. And then your nose crinkles. “Sweaty.”

Taehyung laughs, quiet and low. You turn your face into the crook of his neck, hiding your smile as you breathe him in. You do feel sweaty, and there’s an ache settling inside you, but it’s a good ache. A glowing ache, an unfamiliar one, but one that you know you'll get to feel again, with Taehyung.

You’ve just leaned back to take him in all over again, painted syrupy sweet in the golden candlelight—when the lights suddenly turn back on. It floods your eyes and you make a noise of surprised pain as you squint against the sudden brightness, but then you start to giggle, shock melting into laughter.

When your laughter dies you realise Taehyung’s been watching you. The room is full of shining light now, and you realise you’re still naked, entire body shaking as you’ve been giggling. You’d feel embarrassed about your nakedness if you hadn’t just shared yourself with him, bared yourself in ways that are more than skin deep. There’s an instinctual part of you that wants to cover up now that there’s nowhere to hide, no flickering shadows to cover up the parts of your body that you don’t like, the flaws you don’t want Taehyung to see. But he just looks fond, fond, fond, love and affection dripping off him as he watches the way you smile shyly up at him.

“Hi,” you say.

“Hi,” he says, and smiles back, wide and bright. 

You love him. You love him, and he loves you, and you trust that love. As hard as it might be to believe, you trust that this is what he wants—that you’re what he wants.

“Do you want me to carry you to the shower?” he asks, and you can’t help but laugh again, warm through and through, how he’s still taking care of you.

“Not yet,” you say. 

You end up against his chest, wrapped close. You’ve laid your head in his lap countless times, but he’s never been on his back before, never had his arms around you like he doesn’t want to let go. Taehyung might not have a heart, but the thirium pump nestled in his chest beats steady as you stay nestled against his side. 

You’re drawing little circles on his skin with your fingers when he catches that hand and lifts it to his mouth, presses a tender kiss to your fingertips.

“I love you,” he says.

You feel like liquid sunlight, shining happiness as you melt, melt, melt. And the feeling stays, body filled with it, even after Taehyung coaxes you out of bed and into the shower to wash the sweat off your body; when he drags a soapy loofah over your back you can’t help but laugh, so in love, so loved.

And when you fall asleep, it’s not with your head on Taehyung’s thigh. It’s with his arms around you, his chest to your back, his body curved around you. You don’t want tonight to end, but you also can’t wait for tomorrow, knowing that it’s another day with him, with Taehyung, your Taehyung. You never thought that love would be like this, never thought that you’d feel love like this, cared for and protected and loved, loved, loved.

“Not staying late?”

You pause in the process of shoving everything into your bag. Hoseok is leaning against your desk, a smile curling at his lips as he raises his eyebrows at you, almost suggestive.

“Nah, I’ve got a dinner to get to,” you say. 

“You seem a lot happier lately,” Hoseok comments, and when you don’t fall for the bait, he wiggles his eyebrows. “The girls think that you’ve got a secret boyfriend that you’re too shy to tell anyone about.”

Taehyung still greets you every day when you get home. But now, every greeting is punctuated with a kiss—and sometimes a little more. When you stop to think about it, it’s startling, this thing that Taehyung’s taught you. That the simplest of things can turn into something more, love edged with lust, that it’s all part and parcel of loving someone, being with them, being comfortable with them. Just the other day you’d been reading on the sofa, and then Taehyung’s fingers had curved over your thigh and the tablet had fallen from your hands—

Hoseok clicks his fingers in front of your face. “You’re zoning out again,” he says.

“I am not,” you say, zoning back in. “I was thinking about if I needed to buy any food on the way home.”

“To feed that secret boyfriend of yours?” Hoseok says, and you laugh in his face.

“Definitely not to feed the rumour mill,” you say. Hoseok pouts but it’s good natured, and he waves you off with a smile, letting you leave the office without trapping you in an interrogation for the gossip you’re certain your coworkers are hungry for.

It’s your turn to cook for Yoongi and Seokjin, so you’ve got to get home to help Taehyung. Both men had been spectacularly unsurprised when they’d found out about the two of you. Yoongi had remained calm as Seokjin crowed in delight, proclaiming I knew it, I knew that’s why you were avoiding Taehyung. 

“Feel lucky, Y/n,” Yoongi had said. “At least Taehyung has a sense of decorum and shame.”

“I think it’s a shame that my boyfriend is such a party pooper,” Jin had said. “I demand a dinner party! To celebrate your new relationship! Oh, I’m going to bake the biggest cake.”

“Oh my God,” you’d said, and Taehyung had just smiled.

The truth is that you’re grateful for your neighbours and their support, grateful for their friendship. Just because Taehyung looks human doesn’t mean that you don’t worry about him, worry that someone might discover that he’s a deviant; Jin’s slipped under the radar for long enough, and you hope it’s the same for Tae, too. And yet you can’t help but think about it, think about the present, the future, how your lives are going to unfold as time goes by.

When the door swings open to your apartment, though, that’s the last thing on your mind. All that’s on your mind is Taehyung, Taehyung, Taehyung, your love appearing just as you’ve kicked your shoes off, all bright pink hair and dark eyes and welcoming hands.

“Taehyung,” you say, warm and happy.

“Hi,” he says, smiling so brightly, and then he kisses you.

You’re never going to get tired of kissing Taehyung; never going to get tired of how his mouth fits against yours, so perfect and sweet. But then he crowds you against the wall, swallowing down your gasp before kissing down your neck, running his teeth so gently across your skin.

“Missed you,” he murmurs, words dripping hot and slow. “Been thinking about you.”

“Taehyung,” you breathe. “Taehyung, we need to cook dinner.”

“We have time,” he says, and when he picks you up, you don’t protest. You go easily, wrapping your arms and legs around him, heat already gathering in your stomach as he walks the familiar path to your bedroom.

You have time: today, tomorrow, and every day after that. You have time with Taehyung, to learn with him, to love him. To be loved back. You don’t know what’s coming on the horizon, what the future holds—but then again, you never have.

There’s one thing you know now, though. No matter what happens, Taehyung will be at your side, and you’ll be at his. He wants you, and he loves you. You want him, and you love him. 

“I love you,” you murmur, and Taehyung kisses the words off your lips, lets the promise of your love settle inside him, warm and soft and safe.

“I love you too,” he says, and then you’re too busy to say anything, after that.

taglist:  @beyoncesdragon​ @vensulove​ @jalexad​ @beingbeings​ @lorielulu7​ ​ (can’t tag: @jeon-joon-kook)

[st-just]

Finished Song of Achilles! It’s extremely good!

Or, okay, to be more useful - the prose is just absolutely gorgeous. Reminded me vaguely of Valente, in terms of style/imagery? But that might just be because the last thing I read of hers was also Greek Mythology.

Also the first time I think I’ve ever read the complete myth of Achilles. The books I read as a kid always just had the heel and then killing Hector/getting shot by Paris. So now I actually know where the Pyrrha thing comes from! Also, he apparently had a kid! (Had a real bit of temporal vertigo for a moment where I thought he might have been the famous Pyrrhus of the eponymous victory, but no, that’s like a millennium and a bronze age collapse off)

So, like, it’s not a high bar (I really don’t read many romances*), but easily the best romance I’ve read this year, and one of the best I can recall reading, like, ever. I was actually tearing up at the end, which basically never happens.

The central plot is a tragedy, of course, but really Miller does an amazing job sketching out a world that seems to be built on nothing but. Society is built on murder, theft, slavery, abuse and rape, and not even princes or goddesses are exempt. The gods are real and present, but they offer no protection but vengeance. The virtues society cherishes in its heroes are those of bandits and raiders. And so on. The only character who is both admirable and respected or powerful we meet in the entire story is Chiron, who is a hermit living apart from civilization.

Achilles increasing obsession with his honor and memory was also really well done, from the perspective of a narrator doing everything he possibly can to only see the best in him. First time I’ve seen a presentation where his deciding to abandon the battle really seems anything but a fit of pique from a diva.

But anyway, yeah. What a lovely book.

*Okay I know technically there’s some weirdly legalistic thing where a book definitionally isn’t a romance if it doesn’t have a happy ending that people get very angry about. But, like, this is a romance. C’mon.

[illuminatedquill]

Extracurricular, An Analysis

Oh Ji-soo and Bae Gyu-ri

“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is sign on as it’s accomplice.”  - Tom Robbins 

You know the story. You’ve heard it before, right? 

Boy meets girl. 

Girl finds out that boy is running a side protection business for prostitutes. 

Girl decides to blackmail boy into letting her join his business. 

Classic high school criminal shenanigans ensue leading them into more dangerous situations where they are forced to make desperate decisions to stay alive. 

Oh, and they fall in love along the way. 

Oh? You haven’t heard this one before? Then let me introduce you to this delightful kdrama called Extracurricular. 

I watched this one while waiting for the newest Hometown Cha Cha Cha episodes to drop and ended up binging the whole series in two days. There are many remarkable parts of this series: it’s a crime drama, first and foremost, that showcases high school teenagers caught in a cycle of violence and crime, abandoned by the society and adults that are supposed to be protecting them. There are no clear good guys and bad guys in this drama; everyone is cast in shades of grey. Our main leads, Oh Ji-soo and Bae Gyu-ri, run the prostitution business, and are both from broken family backgrounds. Their actions are morally questionable at best, but the top tier performances from Kim Dong Hee (you might remember him from Itaewon Class) and Park Ju Hyun make you cheer for them anyway. You want them to have a happy ending, despite the horrible things they do. The audience is always reminded that despite how clever they are in staying ahead, their actions have consequences, and they’re just high school kids. The drama never pulls it punches. 

But, weirdly enough, it’s also a love story. And that’s the part the really sticks with me until now. (The chemistry between the main leads is absolute dynamite and I could watch ten episodes of them just verbally sparring with each other. They don’t even kiss. They’re that fantastic when together on screen.)

I’m writing this because this is undoubtedly one of my all time favorite kdramas and I have a lot of feelings about our main pairing, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri. I can’t call them a couple (wait, didn’t I just say they fall in love) because their relationship can’t be labelled simply as that. Think of it as something similar to the main leads in My Ahjussi. Two people who should have become soulmates, yet met at the wrong time. 

This kdrama is not particularly happy, and while I do encourage people to watch this, I am warning that the subject matter is extremely dark. If you’re sensitive to scenes depicting sexual assault, graphic violence, or anything in that zip code you’ll want to steer clear. 

Also, I’ll be diving into spoiler territory in this analysis. So if you want to go in clean, then stop reading here. 

Still here? Awesome. Let’s dive deep into the messy, amazing pairing that is Oh Ji-soo and Bae Gyu-ri. First, let’s do a brief character background on our two main leads, starting with Ji-soo. 

Oh Ji-soo is one half of our main pairing and this story starts with him. He lives by himself and has been essentially abandoned by his only parents; his father is a failed businessman who gambles whatever money he acquires on scams and his mother ran away. His apartment is small, sparse, but functional. He owns only a few outfits aside from his school uniform. The only unique item he owns is a pet hermit crab that he takes care of. His life outside of school is non-existent; he has no friends, no one to hang out with and do typical high school teenager activities with. He takes care of himself and lives only for himself and his “dream”: to graduate, attend college, get married, and have kids like a normal person. 

But to do that, he needs a large amount of money. He has no other financial means to do so (his father is largely absent, as is his mother), so he decides, at some point, to start up this protection business for prostitutes. The drama doesn’t go into detail about the how and why he came to this conclusion that this was the best way to make a lot of money in a short amount of time, so you’ll have to suspend your disbelief from the get go. Considering the themes of the story (how youths abandoned by society tend to act out in extreme ways to make it in this world), it’s not hard to believe his desperation would drive him to make such a decision. 

Ji-soo, despite his shady business, is actually a decent person. There’s a streak of humanity that exists inside him that refuses to go out, despite the increasingly dark and bleak events that start to overtake his life. He’s attached to his hermit crab, cares for his “employees” outside of them being tools to make him money, and doesn’t want to see anyone get hurt. He goes above and beyond what’s required to help out people at the risk of his own life (in particular, Gyu-ri, and we’ll get into that shortly). 

What we learn from the first few episodes is that Oh Ji-soo is extremely smart and methodical in how he approaches his life. At school, he is known as a model student - quiet, top of the class in terms of grades, doesn’t draw any attention to himself, always follows along with what the teachers ask of him. Only his homeroom teacher, Mr. Cho, seems to consider his quiet style of existence to be concerning and tries to make him less socially awkward by pairing him up with another student in a new extracurricular club. This leads to the introduction of Bae Gyu-ri, Ji-soo’s longtime crush and future partner-in-crime. 

Meet Bae Gyu-ri, the other half of our dynamic duo. Her introduction into the story kickstarts the entire plot, as one of her earliest actions leads to a domino effect that spells increasing doom and tragedy for our main leads. She messes with Ji-soo’s operation at a critical moment and she spends the rest of the drama doing her best to make up for the consequences that follow. 

In my personal opinion, she is probably the best main female lead I’ve ever seen in a kdrama. Hands down, no other character exists (currently) that rivals her sheer cunning, wit, and badassery. Gyu-ri is Crazy, capital C, and is the chaos to Ji-soo’s control; the fire to his ice. Despite being the direct cause of half the events that happen to Ji-soo in the drama, he can’t help but need her because of what she offers. They make an incredible team. Her competitiveness, her need to win no matter the odds, helps them survive time and time again. 

Gyu-ri is from the opposite end of the spectrum of Ji-soo; he’s dirt poor and she’s insanely rich (always nice to see a reversal of typical kdrama tropes). Her mother and father run a successful entertainment company. Gyu-ri is popular at school, friends with seemingly everybody, pretty, cheerful and gets along well with her teachers. Ji-soo, and the audience, believe from the beginning that she has the perfect life. It’s not hard to believe that she’s just involving herself in Ji-soo’s business because she’s bored and needs an outlet, at first. 

We soon learn otherwise. Gyu-ri has more in common with Ji-soo than he initially realizes, in that they’re both trapped in circumstances beyond their control - it’s just that Gyu-ri’s cage is gilded, whereas his is not. Her parents are strict and have her life planned out for her, all without her consent or input, leaving her feeling frustrated and powerless despite her rich lifestyle. A suicide attempt hasn’t done much to change her parents attitude towards her, only serving to further their control over her life. 

So, when she learns of Ji-soo’s operation she immediately seeks to angle her way into it. First, she tries to rip him off, believing that he’s an evil “pimp” and thus deserves it. But after spending some time with him, she changes her mind last second and decides to help him out instead. 

And, now, let’s get into their relationship, which is one of the best (if not the best) aspect in the entire series. 

I need to be upfront about something: the relationship between Ji-soo and Gyu-ri is not exactly healthy. I wouldn’t describe it as toxic - the circumstances surrounding them aren’t exactly the best environment to encourage open and honest communication - but it’s definitely not what should be considered ideal, especially for young adults, and especially for young adults who are dabbling in crime instead of studying. 

So, why do I love them so much? If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you know that I loathe toxic relationships in kdramas, so I understand if you think I’m coming off as hypocritical here. Why do I like Oh Ji-soo and Bae Gyu-ri when I didn’t like, for example from recent history, (oh boy, here I go again on my Nevertheless BS) Park Jae-eon and Yu Na-bi?

First, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri are way cooler than Jae-eon and Na-bi ever could be. They run a criminal enterprise that involves having a high amount of intelligence, cunning, and daring to do so. Do Jae-eon and Na-bi run a criminal enterprise as a side business? No, they don’t, because they’re boring art students. 

Secondly, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri actually progress in their relationship and change their views as they learn from each other. Now, granted, that progress isn’t towards becoming better versions of each other - quite the opposite. But at least they have progress. Jae-eon and Na-bi stayed in the same stupid cycle for the whole series and then decided that it was better staying that way as opposed to trying for something else. 

Last, but certainly not least, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri are actually interesting to watch for me. The chemistry between Park Ju Hyun and Kim Dong Hee is explosive and they way they spar, exchange looks, and just generally exist around each other on screen is something I can watch forever. I’ve said this before but Han So Hee and Song Kang’s on screen chemistry, outside of their intimate scenes, really didn’t impress me. 

Okay, back to Extracurricular. This relationship, man. It’s all I can think about (other than HomeCha’s Du-sik and Hye-jin, but that’s another post). Ji-soo and Gyu-ri are so good together. 

I’ve noted before that Ji-soo is methodical in how he approaches his life; he plans out everything ahead, and rigs any situation as much as he can in his favor. It’s brilliant, but when a crisis happens, he doesn’t know how to deal with it effectively. He panics and flounders; becomes indecisive at a time when clear, decisive action is required. 

Enter Gyu-ri. She quickly becomes the partner he never knew he needed. When there’s a situation, she becomes invaluable in her quick thinking and wit, coming up with solutions on the fly. It’s not perfect, but it keeps them just one small step ahead of whatever is coming their way. 

The only thing preventing them from becoming unstoppable is the lack of communication and trust they have with each other. A lot of that has to do with how Gyu-ri entered Ji-soo’s business - she blackmailed him first, and, when that failed, she strong armed her way into getting him to accept her help. It’s implied in the drama that Ji-soo has had a crush on Gyu-ri for a while (since ninth grade, I believe) and in the first episode he actually gets the chance to spend time with her outside of school on a sort of quasi-date. 

It goes sideways pretty quickly because of some shenanigans from his business, but not before she gets to know him and says some pretty touching words regarding his situation. Poor guy is head over heels - even after finding out that she’s the one blackmailing him, his feelings are only dampened, not extinguished. When he catches a glimpse of her family’s situation, he gains a deeper understanding of her and why she acts the way she does. Even more importantly, Ji-soo treats her the same after finding out this information which, to someone like Gyu-ri, means more than if he comforted her about it. 

If you want to see a physical representation of how he feels, other than paying attention to his actions, you can see it in him keeping mementos from Gyu-ri. She has an interesting habit of folding bags into origami shapes and giving it to him. Even after the blackmail reveal, you can see that he continues to keep these in a container on his desk. It’s really cute that he keeps these, when it probably doesn’t even matter that much to Gyu-ri. 

Towards the end of the drama, Ji-soo prepares to turn himself in to prevent Gyu-ri from being implicated in the crimes they committed. And it costs him almost everything to protect her. Ji-soo, the quiet, nerdy kid, puts himself on the line time and time again to protect Gyu-ri, knowing that it puts his life and his dream at risk to do so. And all for what? For some girl that he thinks doesn’t even like him in return? 

Well, let’s talk about that. Because I’ve seen some comments that Gyu-ri was only using Ji-soo for her own selfish gain. And I can agree that was how it was at the beginning for her; she definitely was only interested in acquiring money, like Ji-soo was, in order to achieve her own goal of being free from her parents. 

But, oh man, that is not what is motivating her at the end. 

It’s actually pointed out relatively early by some of her friends that it’s obvious that she likes Ji-soo more than he likes her. Understandably Ji-soo is keeping her at arms length from him given the whole recent blackmailing, so it would make sense that it looks that way. 

Further questioning reveals what she likes the most about him: 

“It’s not like I’m crazy about him. He’s fun. And amusing. He’s smart. And there’s a certain charm he has. He also has a wolfish side to him. But he thinks he’s a puppy.” 

- Bae Gyu-ri

But, as she gets to know Ji-soo better, you can certainly see that she starts to fall hard for him. As a cover story for why they hang out so much together during and after school, Gyu-ri states to everyone that they’re dating. The reactions across the school definitely imply that this is a shocking development, which means that Gyu-ri hasn’t dated anyone before. So why Ji-soo other than the reasons she herself states? 

He challenges her, just as she challenges him. Gyu-ri may be the more dynamic, quick thinking of the pair but Ji-soo is every inch her intellectual equal - just in different ways. She doesn’t seem to be the type to be easily impressed, but you can tell that she’s definitely impressed by Ji-soo’s operation and how thoroughly set up it is. When Ji-soo is frustrated at the beginning by his setbacks, he blows up at another student (knocks him out in a crazy punch) and immediately walks over to Gyu-ri afterwards (who saw the whole thing) to inform her that she is now his partner in crime. 

The look in her eyes, and the small smirk she has speaks volumes about her attraction to him in that scene. Smoldering. 

And, oh yes, she’s prone to jealousy. Another classmate, Min-hee, gives Ji-soo a present out of the blue (it was supposed to be for her boyfriend, Ki-tae, but that’s another sub-plot) - all within view of Gyu-ri. It’s hilarious how she tries to brush it off. Later, for plot reasons, Ji-soo has to spend more time with Min-hee which only furthers Gyu-ri’s annoyance. 

And her motivations stop being entirely about the money and more towards helping preserve the dream that she and Ji-soo share about being free. There’s a scene in episode 8 where it’s revealed that, due to a business partnership with a local gang (set up by none other than Gyu-ri herself in a desperate move), Ji-soo would have to drop out of school permanently to work on their behalf. Gyu-ri overhears this and, despite badly needing the gang’s help in sustaining their own business, immediately terminates the partnership. 

All because it would interfere with Ji-soo’s dream. 

Man, if that isn’t love. 

In the following episode, Gyu-ri, and later on Ji-soo, is kidnapped by the same gang in retaliation for terminating their partnership. Ji-soo comes to her rescue but Gyu-ri is already almost free (again, she’s really, really badass) and is demanding that they bring Ji-soo to her instead of running for her life. 

Surviving this latest attempt puts the two in a reflective, vulnerable mood and Gyu-ri asks Ji-soo why he keeps saving her. Ji-soo asks later on why she keeps risking her life to be with him. They don’t say the answer in words but in an almost kiss (yeah, you read that right - almost). 

And then, if you aren’t already convinced, Ji-soo crosses his one last remaining line in an effort to keep Gyu-ri safe; he accidentally pushes a fellow classmate down some steps and, instead of helping her, leaves her to die after grabbing the evidence she has on him and Gyu-ri. 

Extracurricular pulls off quite the magic trick here, hiding this well done love story in the middle of a serious crime drama. 

The real tragedy is that Ji-soo thinks that Gyu-ri views this whole business, and by extension his life, as one big game. It’s something that she takes offense at, visibly becoming upset when he says that. 

But even if that were true, he should be assured since Gyu-ri doesn’t like to lose. 

As they hurtle towards the end and face up to the consequences of their actions, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri undoubtedly lose sight of their original goals and dreams. They do some fairly horrible things to stay alive and ahead of the police who are close on their trail. You can’t really blame them for doing what they did; in the face of a society that has abandoned them, what they’re doing is a logical outcome to gain what they want so desperately and deserve so much: the chance to be free to live like normal, care-free people. 

I can’t say for certain that they achieve that. The drama is serious in consequences and, at the end, the net around them is drawing tighter and tighter. I won’t spoil the ending scene for you, because I highly encourage you watch this drama yourself but I will say this: Ji-soo and Gyu-ri seem stuck in an impossible situation with nowhere to go, and no one to help them, with a clock ticking down towards either death or discovery by the police. 

But, all the same, I’m always the optimist. They’ve gotten through situations like this before and they can certainly do so again. Maybe not as bad as this one, but not too far out of their league. And, like I mentioned before, Gyu-ri doesn’t like to lose. Especially when it comes to Ji-soo. 

Their relationship is truly dangerous, as Ji-soo himself notes. Them being together is the source of their problems; they’re too much alike now, as opposed to the beginning of the drama where he stated that they’re too different. Their love is the kind of love where both of them are willing to burn the whole world down if it means keeping each other safe. 

I’m a real sucker for those kind of love stories. No one’s a hero here. They’re just kids in high school, doing the best with what they know. 

Who are we to judge what is right and wrong? Especially when the one committing the acts are high school kids who don’t know any better and just want to save each other? 

Do we have that right? 

Do they really deserve that punishment? Shouldn’t we be pointing fingers at the society that forced them to act this way? 

Extracurricular really makes you think about that. Is it really so outlandish and terrible what Ji-soo and Gyu-ri do to survive when the adults who are supposed to be protecting them, teaching them better, have failed in their duty? 

Maybe they really did win at the end. Not so much in succeeding in their goals but in gaining something that not even regular people are likely to find - a partner, a soulmate, someone who will stand by you no matter what. 

If you do watch the ending, and are not an optimist like I am, then all I can say is this: whatever happened, they were together at the end. 

They were together. 

[melon-wing]

Unrequited Love [Ren/Grian/Impulse]

[Fanfiction Masterlist] Grian smoothed down the fabric of the costume he was wearing and smiled at his reflection. Mumbo had teased him earlier when he’d seen Grian’s costume hanging inside the base, but Grian loved it. Sure, the guy who had sold it to him off-world might have thought Grian was buying it for his girlfriend, but that hadn’t stopped his excitement.

He was dressed in all black, a top held up by an array of leather belts, with translucent fabric attached to it’s back and sides, when Grian moved around it flew nicely behind him and the little pieces of glitter sparkled like the night sky. Below it he just wore some simple black pants… Well, simple apart from the fact they were so tight it had taken him a good minute to get inside.

Grian picked up the gloves from his bed, and pulled one after the other over his hand and arm, the soft satin gently caressing his skin. They stopped a bit above his elbow. He turned to look at himself in the mirror again and smiled. There was a loud knock on his door and a loud string of curses escaped his mouth. Damn, was it already so late? He really should have taken less time doing his makeup, but he had just felt the need to put some on to complete the look. 

Grian hurriedly stepped into his boots, pulling them up all the way to his knees. There was another knock. He grabbed the rest of his outfit and strode to the door of his mansion hurriedly, pulling it open just after a third knock, to look at Mumbo, hand still raised from knocking.

“Took you long e- Grian! Oh my word!”

Mumbo looked him up and down and Grian knew that look he had on his face, the way his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“That is a rather... interesting look you got there. How in the world can you even walk in these?” Mumbo was staring at the boots and Grian smiled as he looked down at the heel as well, shrugging slightly. “Lots of practice. It’s not that hard once you get used to it”, he said and then let his eyes travel over Mumbo. “You look adorable.”

Mumbo was still wearing his suit and from afar, Grian probably wouldn’t have even noticed a change. Mumbo had two cat ears clipped into his hair and when Grian leaned a bit to the side he could see a black tail attached to the suit pants.

“I wanted to go as a secret agent again, but I was warned that I would not be let inside then, because wearing sunglasses is apparently not a real costume.”

Grian giggled and finally put a little black hat atop his head. He had considered also taking a broom with him, but it would have been annoying to carry that thing around for the whole party. Mumbo offered an arm and Grian took it, letting himself be led down the stairs by his friend.

“You really should have dressed up as an angel. Then you could have gone an evening without the need to hide your wings. I bet the others would have been impressed by that costume”, Mumbo said thoughtfully.

Grian only shrugged. “Not spooky enough”, he mumbled, though that wasn’t the real reason. He didn’t want the other Hermits to see his wings. He didn’t want them to know. Mumbo only knew because he had found out by accident. Not even Ren knew he was a Watcher and they had been getting closer and closer lately.

Mumbo chuckled a bit, luckily not picking up on Grian’s unconfident thoughts.

“Or could it maybe just be the fact that Ren told you he had a thing for ‘sexy lil witches’? Though I think you might have overdone the sexy part a bit.”

Grian could feel the heat rising to his cheeks immediately, as his mind wandered to Ren. Mumbo had hit the nail right on the head. While he hadn’t dressed up as an angel because of personal reasons he probably wouldn’t have dressed up like this if it hadn’t been for Ren. His best friend just knew him too well.

“I just liked the costume. And I bet he was talking to Impulse when he said that. You know? His boyfriend? His very serious and long term partner? Even some stupid sexy costume won’t change that”, Grian replied, going from flustered to saddened. “Just this once. I just want him to look at me and think I’m attractive once. I want him to look at me even a tiny bit the way he looks at Impulse.”

“Grian, you know they love-”

“Do you think Xisuma will have a new suit again?” Grian interrupted Mumbo suddenly, raising his voice slightly. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t even want to think about it. And while Mumbo gave him a knowing look he still indulged him in changing the topic.

It didn’t take them long to reach the area where Xisuma had set up the party, an open field just next to a forest. Everything was decorated for the occasion, lit up pumpkins surrounding the area. There were chairs and tables, crates of drinks and foods set up. Loud music came from some redstone contraption that Mumbo had built a few days ago. Xisuma greeted them with a smile, still wearing his armour, but at least he had changed its look once more, now resembling some spooky creature instead of the little friendly striders.

Grian’s eyes drifted to the people already there and then his eyes landed on Ren and Impulse, standing in one corner and he could feel his heart pulling him forward. He left Mumbo’s side, who only gave him a little sigh, probably knowing of Grian’s hopes. What if they’d look at him differently today? Maybe today they’d finally notice him in a different way.

Ren turned around first. He was dressed up in the robes he had worn back at the demise games, a hood covering his hair. The scythe he used to carry around was lying abandoned on a wall off to the side, along with some scary looking mask that he had probably added on to the costume, more fitting the style of his space themed area he was living in now.

And sure, the costume was probably not meant to be sexy, but the spooky and powerful vibes Ren gave of in this were such a turn on to Grian and he swallowed, almost tripping over in his heels. He raised his gaze from Ren’s costume to his face. Ren was looking at him open mouthed, eyes wide and Grian was pretty sure he saw a blush. He smirked. Well things were going as planned after all. Grian’s eyes drifted to Impulse and he froze for a second. Impulse was dressed up like he had been in Demise as well, fake blood staining his clothes that were partly ripped. A partner’s costume… Now wasn’t that nice?

Grian forced a smile onto his face and kept walking while knowing that those two pairs of eyes were fixed on him.

“Grian, dude! You look good! Only you would be crazy enough to pull off a look like that. It suits you!”, Ren said, pulling him into a half hug and patting his back a few times. Grian could feel the heat rising to his cheeks, looking up at Ren, right into his eyes. In his mind he was just throwing his arms around Ren and pulling him into a kiss, but that was just a fantasy.

“Thanks. You guys look good as well. That brings back some very nice memories of last season.”

“Like when you killed me, lil guy?”

Grian burst into giggles. 

“Your greed killed you, not me. Well your greed and your cute overexcitement when you jumped off that tank.”

Ren laughed as well and suddenly there was a hand on the side of Grian’s face, gently tugging a strand of hair behind his ear. 

“Well right now I’d say you’re the cute one between us, Grian.”

Grian’s heart was racing. He leaned into the touch, his breathing getting faster. Was it just imagination or was Ren leaning forward? Was this just another one of his daydreams or was this-

“Ren”, Impulse’s voice pulled them from the trance and Ren let his hand drop immediately, stepping back with a sheepish smile, before turning to Impulse and caressing his cheek the same way he had just done to Grian.

“No worries, my sweet little zombie boyfriend, I haven’t forgotten about you. I never would.”

Grian felt his heart aching as he forced the smile to stay on his face. Impulse looked at him weirdly, making Grian wonder if he knew how much Grian wanted to get in between them. Or maybe he thought Grian only wanted to steal Ren away… God, he couldn’t bear it if Impulse started hating him. He quickly raised his hands defensively and smiled.

“Yeah! I won’t use my charm to bewitch him, no worries. I have my eyes on someone else anyways. There was a reason I dressed up like this after all”, he just lied. He needed them to get off his trail and a crush on someone else would certainly remove all the doubt cast on him.

Ren looked confused and wanted to say something, probably to ask who that person was, but Grian didn’t give him a chance, making up some excuse about having to go over to Doc to annoy him a little next and he darted off to the table filled with drinks where Doc stood.

He had an easy time, falling into his bantering with Doc while getting a drink, both of them poking fun at the other’s costume. And seriously… A half creeper dressing up as a cat - “because seriously Grian, those things are scary as hell.” - was the funniest thing. At least Doc had put some more thought into his costume than Mumbo and actually looked good in the get up.

They were a few drinks in, both laughing at Grian telling another story of a prank he had pulled, when Doc was called away by Ren. An amused snort left his lips.

“Gotta go, G. Someone is not happy about us talking.”

Grian sighed, shaking his head. He didn’t really know what Doc was hinting at, but he’d probably know sooner or later if it involved some shenanigans on the server. Maybe something about the war in the shopping district. But he was still the tiniest bit annoyed at Doc for hurrying off. Just when he had started to have fun and forgotten about everything else. He took another full bottle and then went off to the side, sitting down on a small stone wall, letting his eyes travel over the party now going in full swing.

He smiled fondly, when he saw Mumbo. A very drunk Stress was sitting on his lap, painting whiskers on his face and by how flushed Mumbo was, she was definitely moving around more in his lap than absolutely needed and Grian bet she knew what she was doing. Despite the very obvious flustered state Mumbo was in, he didn’t seem too uncomfortable, so Grian wouldn’t need to pull one of his best friend saving moves. 

Doc had moved on from Ren and was now in a heated discussion with Iskall. Going from the way their hands were moving and their scrunched up faces, it had something to do with redstone. And well… Those two discussing redstone? That could take at least an hour. So much for Grian’s plan to go back to their little banter. 

That meant he had to find something else to distract himself. Or someone else… He knew for a fact that Bdubs wouldn’t say no if Grian came on to him. Maybe he could just have some fun and- 

He looked at Impulse and Ren again, Ren throwing his head back and laughing, Impulse smiling softly, and Grian’s heart jumped in joy.

Maybe he’d just get another drink after all.

~*~

The party had been going for a while now. And honestly, Grian wanted to have fun, he really tried to. He had downed a few drinks, hoping to loosen up, but the way Impulse and Ren stuck together, showing way too much PDA, was really putting his mood down.

Impulse leaned over to Ren, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, making the other giggle in amusement. Grian felt something tighten in his stomach. He wished he could make all his feelings just disappear, go and take the pain away. He wished he could turn back time to stop himself from ever starting the Hippies. If he had just let things go, maybe joined Area77 instead of fighting them, he could have just developed a crush on someone like Doc who probably would have been much more open to any advances Grian made. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel this overwhelmed and helpless right now.

Xisuma walked up to Ren and Impulse, talking to them and Ren stood up, waving to Impulse before leaving with their admin.

Grian felt relief flooding him, followed by guilt. He shouldn’t be feeling like that. He should be happy for his friends. It should be enough for him that the people he loved were happy, even if he wasn’t the one to give them their Happy Ever After.

This guilt burdened him every day, overwhelming him, combining with the sadness and jealousy, making him fall deeper and deeper into what felt like an endless hole of his own creation. He had tried to get out, tried to move on. It seemed impossible. It was as if his crush was a giant mountain he had to dig through, but all he had was a wooden pickaxe. 

Every time he looked at them, every time they showed any signs of affection for one another, everytime they were nice to him, everytime they kissed, the mountain just seemed to grow, becoming even more impossible to overcome. And he hadn’t even started digging yet, just standing in front of the mountain, frozen, unable to do anything.

Grian looked into his glass at his own reflection. He had really tried his best for this party. He had really thought he could sway them if he just looked attractive enough. It hadn’t worked.

“What’s got you looking so sad?”

Grian looked up at Zedaph and Tango, who both looked at him and then sat down on the wall next to him, both taking one side. Tango was dressed up in a white robe, little wings and a halo attached to his body to finish the look, wearing golden glitter all over his body. Zedaph on the other hand was wearing a red suit, with little bat wings and two red horns on his head.

“Nothing. I was just lost in thought. The question is what’re the two of you up to again? Playing a little angel and devil on my shoulder?”

They both giggled and it was Zedaph who spoke up first.

“Really no need for that if we both tell you the same thing. Although, if it helps, I can phrase it more crudely and Tango can make it sound more sweet.”

Grian looked between them in confusion as his eyes finally settled on Tango.

“What?”

“See, told you he would like to hear it said more sweetly, honey.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

Grian just raised his eyebrows in confusion and Tango smirked. A smirk that didn’t really fit the way he was dressed up.

“Well we noticed the way you were looking at our dear buddy Impulse as if he was a godly being walking among mortals.” “Also the way you devour Ren’s sexy ass.”

“Yeah, that as well. You’re pretty obvious.”

Grian felt a blush rising to his cheeks, against all effort to suppress it. He knew where this was going. This is why he had tried to hide his crush from the other Hermits as well. They would disapprove and tell him not to get in between those two. He didn’t want to hear how hopeless it was from somebody else. His mind was already doing a good enough job of screaming that.

“You guys really don’t have to worry! I won’t do anything.”

“Well now that is the problem and why we came here”, Zedaph said and Tango made a sound of agreement.

“Yes. I think Impulse really wouldn’t mind banging you.”

“TANGO! Language! Remember you’re the angel. I’m the one doing the dirty talk.”

Tango giggled and batted his eyelashes a bit, trying to look innocent. “Sorry. I meant Impulse and Ren really want to spend some quality time with you.”

Grian wanted to laugh at that. He did believe that Tango was telling the truth. What would he gain from lying? But what he was saying… This wasn’t what Grian had wanted.

He simply nodded and Zedaph went on.

“What Tango was trying to say is that the two of them have been talking about you. They’ve been doing that for a while but they won’t get their asses up and ask. And we noticed how sad you are. It really shouldn’t be our place to tell you, but since they’re too dumb to realise… They really would like you to join their-”

“It’s alright”, Grian interrupted Zedaph and stood up, gently smoothing down the fabric of his costume with one hand and then turning around to look at his fellow hermits. “I know you want to help, but I’m really not interested. You must have misunderstood.”

It was weird. All they were saying made his heart race and hurt at the same time. He wanted to be with Impulse and Ren. He really did. He would give anything to be with them. But to hear from someone so close to them that all they were interested in was Grian’s body and to have a little adventure with him? It hurt so bad.

“If you’ll excuse me now, I need another drink. Maybe try your angel and devil spiel on someone more interested. I think Mumbo’s pining hard for Stress and too scared to make a move. I’m just fine.”

Without letting Tango and Zedaph protest he went over to the drinks again, putting his empty bottle into one of the crates and looking over the selection of drinks. He heard a noise and raised his head, looking to the forest. Ren stood there between the trees, staring at him through the holes of his mask, beckoning him with one hand. Grian blinked in confusion, turning his head to look behind him. Surely Ren meant Impulse and not him. But Impulse was still sitting off to the side and no other Hermit was close by. Noone was even looking in Ren’s direction and Xisuma still had not returned. Grian turned back. Ren was still waving him over. So Ren really did mean him. Grian felt his heart skip a beat when he walked around the table and up to Ren. But just when he reached him, Ren turned around and started walking into the forest.

“Ren? What’s up? You already done with whatever help Xisuma needed?”

Ren just nodded and kept walking and Grian stumbled a bit trying to follow him. This forest ground was really not made for high heels.

“Do you want to show me something?”

Ren nodded again and Grian smiled a bit uncertain. Well Ren surely was full of surprises and this might be one of them.

“Well let’s go then. Just… Maybe a bit slower. I really don’t wanna fall down.”

Ren turned his head a bit, looking at him, but Grian really couldn’t make out any expression with his mask back on his face again, covering everything but his eyes, the hood so low that it cast a shadow, making even his eyes disappear.

Ren made a hum of agreement. It seemed to echo and Grian looked around in confusion. Well that was a strange effect. The trees weren’t even close enough to produce an echo…

“Where are we even going in such a hurry? What do you have planned? Any prankage happening?”

“Hungry… So hungry.”

Grian looked at him a bit confused, but then smiled again. “Oh well that explains the hurry. You really should have gotten something from the snack bar before taking me here. Just… A little slower then.”

They started walking again. Slower this time, giving Grian the opportunity to walk up next to Ren. He kept looking down at Ren’s hand, right next to his and his heart was racing as he decided to be brave. He let his hand brush past Ren’s a few times and when he didn’t pull away, Grian just grabbed it gently. He expected Ren to pull away or make a joke, but he just closed his fingers around Grian’s hand, holding it tight.

Grian smiled.

He’d have this at least.

~*~

Impulse smiled as he watched Ren and Grian retreat into the forest. Everything was going according to plan. He had been a bit worried when he had seen Zedaph and Tango approaching Grian. They had kept threatening to tell Grian everything if he and Ren didn’t finally pull their heads out of their asses and confess.

But they were ready now. They had planned everything. They had waited so long for this evening. Ren would talk to Grian now. Alone without Impulse, so they wouldn’t overwhelm him and so the others wouldn’t notice. Grian could let Ren down gently without feeling pressured in a two against one situation. And since Ren and Grian had been closer before Impulse had entered the picture, Impulse had let Ren have the honour of confessing for both of them.

Impulse would get his own opportunity to shower Grian in love later, if everything went according to plan. It had been kind of cute, seeing Ren so overeager the whole evening. He had almost spilled their secret the moment his eyes had landed on Grian in his sexy costume. And Impulse could understand that sentiment. One comment from Ren and Grian had dressed up like that. It really had to mean something. Both of them were so confident… He just wished Ren would have told him he’d go for it now after he had been done helping out Xisuma with setting up the fireworks. It had just been a lucky coincidence that Impulse had glanced up when Grian had followed Ren. 

Impulse kept glancing at the forest, heart racing as he fiddled with the scythe lying next to him nervously. He knew a talk light that might need a while. Ren surely would have some explaining to do. Impulse just wished he was still able to see them between the trees. They couldn’t have gone more than a couple of metres after all.

A few minutes passed. Impulse’s fingers kept twitching, his leg bouncing up and down. He rolled the scythe back and forth on the little wall. A loud clattering sound yanked him out of his thoughts and he looked down in confusion, bending down to pick up the object that had fallen. He looked at it in confusion. It was the metal mask that was part of Ren’s costume. He had abandoned it earlier in the evening, because he had said it was weird to have his face covered all the time. 

Hadn’t he just worn that when he had walked into the forest? Impulse was pretty sure he had seen it on Ren’s face… 

“I’m back!”

Impulse raised his eyes from the mask to Ren who was walking up to the little wall, Xisuma only a few steps behind him. He wasn’t wearing a mask… He had come out of the opposite direction of the forest.

“Ren…? How… How did it go? What did he say?” Surely Ren must have just rounded the party, maybe he had taken a walk while talking to Grian. Surely there was a logical explanation.

Ren stepped up to him, tilting his head, scrunching up his forehead in confusion. “Xisuma?”

“No. Grian. What did he say?”

“I… What?”

“Didn’t you just go into the forest with him?”, Impulse asked, a weird feeling rising in his stomach. “Oh god, did he take it that bad and ran off?”

“Impulse what are you talking about? I was just helping Xisuma out. It took a bit longer because he’s crazy and went completely overboard with the fireworks again.”

Impulse suddenly felt panic rising. He had seen Ren walk into the forest with Grian. He was so sure of that. But had he really seen Ren. With the robe and the mask covering the whole body.

“Ren… I just saw someone dressed in your costume take Grian into the forest. I thought you were going with him for a talk.”

Ren froze up a bit as well, his smile faltering a bit. 

“You think someone is playing a prank on him? You don’t think Tango or Zedaph would pretend to be me to get this done with?”

They both looked to the party and as Impulse’s eyes drifted over the people his heart began sinking further and further until Ren uttered the words that made his heart almost stop, voice filled with dread.

“Everyone else is here.”

Impulse sprang into action at once, running over to Xisuma and grabbing the admin who dropped a crate of fireworks.

“Impulse? What the…?” “X! You need to teleport Grian over here right now!” Xisuma looked at him in a mixture of confusion and worry.

“Impulse. Calm down. What’s going on?”

“Grian went into the forest with a person and everyone whitelisted is here. X! He could be in danger!”

Xisuma seemed alerted at once, the helmet lighting up with what Impulse knew was the admin console. He let go and Xisuma typed something apparently into thin air. Impulse waited with bated breath. A teleport wouldn’t take long. It was a simple command. A very simple command. Seconds passed. Xisuma was typing again. And again. And again, his movements getting more frantic.

“I can’t teleport him. Something is interfering with my powers.”

Impulse felt like someone had dumped an ice cold bucket over him, desperate eyes looking to the forest.

“No… Grian.”

~*~

Grian felt his heart racing as they kept walking, the forest growing more and more dense. They were lucky though, no mobs were spawning and Grian wondered if Xisuma had tweaked the world’s settings a bit for their little party after the phantom fiasco of last year when all the redstoners had forgotten to get some sleep in a bed before the big event.

“Is it much further? I don’t think I can go back if we walk any longer. I might look confident in these heels, but they’re not made for long distances.” Grian gave a small chuckle, but Ren didn’t say anything. It was weird, just how quiet he was. Usually Ren would chatter all the way to some destination. It was hard to get him to stop talking.

“Ren is everything alright?”

“Hungry…”

Grian made a confused sound and looked around again. Something felt off. Something wasn’t right. The forest was quiet. Too quiet. This was not natural.

Grian cast a look at Ren, but he seemed really focused ahead on whatever way he had planned out for him. He wouldn’t notice… Grian concentrated and he knew his eyes were glowing slightly. Ren’s fingers twitched, tightening on his hand and Grian wondered if he somehow felt the Watcher magic. But there was no way he could. He would only notice if he turned and noticed the glow in Grian’s eyes.

Grian let his magically enhanced senses spread out. There was nothing. Nothing at all. And that was a huge red flag. There was always something. He always felt something. There was no sign of any living being, alive or dead close by. Not even a tiny insect. Not even...

Grian suddenly stopped, pulling his hand from Ren’s grasp.

Not even Ren.

He took a few hurried steps back.

“Ren. What is going on? Why… Why do you have no life force?”

There was a weird echoing sound and it took Grian a few seconds to realise that it was laughter. Deep, distorted laughter. And it was coming from Ren.

Ren raised a hand to the mask, taking it off as the hood of the robe fell back as well. 

Grian was staring straight into Ren’s face. It looked like Ren, but the expression seemed so twisted. A grin he had never seen on Ren’s face, revealing sharp teeth when he opened his mouth.

“I’m hungry.”

Grian took a few steps back again. Ren’s mouth stretched open so much further than a human mouth could, revealing so many sharp teeth.

“You look tasty. You smell good”

Grian raised his hand up as fast as he could, but Ren - no, not Ren, something - was faster as he was pushed against a wide tree with a force that was not human, his head hitting the wood hard, making him dizzy.

He summoned his magic up, a purple glow surrounding his whole body. He’d just push the creature off, summon his wings and run off. He just needed another second to collect his energy and-

The creature moved forward. Grian expected an attack, but suddenly lips were pressed against his. It felt weird, it felt wrong. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t pull away. The glow around him started to flicker. He tried to summon his magic, but it kept slipping from his grasp. And then the glow disappeared completely. The creature pulled back from him. His face morphing into that of Impulse and Grian looked at it out of breath, feeling so weak all of the sudden, his legs beginning to shake.

“W-what…?”

“You really are tasty… Unrequited love. The amount of sadness. Loneliness. Desperation. It all called out to me so loud. So tasty.” The creature licked its lips, a long tongue darting from the wide mouth. “I’ve never had a taste this good. Being in love with two people… Must be painful.” Another laugh, echoing all around Grian’s head, Impulse’s voice being distorted as if another voice was speaking at the same time. ”And you have magic as well. This meal will last me for centuries. I will enjoy every last drop of your energy until you’re nothing but a hollow shell… and then I’ll devour you.”

Grian made a tiny sound, raising his hands, weakly trying to push the creature away, but he couldn’t stop it from moving forward again.

“Goodbye, little witch.”

There were lips on his again and Grian’s legs buckled when he grew even weaker. An arm snaked around his waist, holding him upright, as the lips pressed harder against his. 

So this would be his end.

He really should have confessed to Impulse and Ren.

For someone two centuries old he really was a coward.

The creature pushed harder against him. Grian felt sharp teeth. 

His vision swam, black dots dancing in front of his eyes. He searched for his magic. What was usually a roaring wildfire inside of him was now nothing more than a flickering candle flame and he directed it all to pull deeper inside, pulling it down to protect his magic core. He already felt a crack forming at what was essentially his soul, pain spreading through his whole body.

He’d die.

He’d die here and his friends would never even find his dead body, not knowing about his fate, searching for him and maybe one day thinking he abandoned this world.

Grian felt a tear run down his face. His hands fell from the fabric of the robe, his arms dangling uselessly at his side now. It was over.

A loud scream. Grian was falling. There were loud noises. A taunting voice. The creature. Screams. He needed to open his eyes again, to see what was going on. He was on the ground. Would he be devoured now? Something pressed against Grian’s lips and for a second he thought even his last bit of energy would be sucked out now, but it didn’t feel like lips. It was more hard and cold. It pushed unrelenting until Grian opened his mouth the tiniest bit. Liquid started to flood his mouth and through the fog he realised that he knew the all too familiar taste of Stress’ brewing. He swallowed the potion greedily, feeling at least some of his energy return.

Slowly he opened his eyes to see Impulse and Ren’s worried faces right above him, Ren being the one to hold the potion up to his face. Xisuma stood behind them, helmet abandoned, a sword still in his hands. All of them were covered in something that looked like black blood. The bottle of potion disappeared and Grian opened his mouth, but his voice was still weak and barely above a whisper.

“What happened…?”

“A succubus”, Xisuma replied, voice cold as he looked at something on the ground. Grian followed his gaze. On the ground was a body, but it was no longer wearing Impulse’s or Ren’s face, but a weird distorted monstrous grimace, hollow eyes staring emptily at the sky. “I don’t know how it managed to sneak inside this world. I’m glad we made it to you in time. From the way it was glowing I’d say another minute and you would have been dead…” Xisuma stopped and looked at Grian searching for something. “We’ll talk later about why a succubus was also sucking magic from you and not just energy.” 

Grian smiled weakly and nodded.

“I also think the three of you need to talk. I don’t really want a repeat of this. We’re not taking chances… Message me when you’re done. Teleport works again.”

Grian stared after Xisuma in confusion as he walked over to the body, touching it, which caused it to disappear in the green light of his admin magic. Xisuma took one last look at them and then walked away as well. Grian turned to Impulse and Ren, about to ask what this was about, when two pairs of arms pulled him up and he was crushed in a hug.

“Guys…?”

“I’m so sorry, Grian. So sorry. This is all our fault”, Ren whispered, his voice heavy with sadness. Grian didn’t understand why he sounded so sad, but before he could ask, Impulse continued, voice sounding just as depressed.

“It told us. You were just targeted because of us. Because you love us.”

Grian felt his heart sink, his eyes widening. Right. The creature had talked about feeding on his unrequited love. Oh god. It had told them. The taunting voice he had heard in his dazed state. That must have been it.

“I- It’s- I’m…” Grian took a shaking breath. “It’s not your fault. You can’t change the way you guys feel. It’s not your fault you love each other and not me.”

They both pulled back, but only slightly, arms still on Grian as they all sat on the forest floor.

“But Grian…” Ren looked at him, eyes shining as he gently caressed Grian’s back. “We do. We really do love you. We were just cowards. If we had just told you earlier that we loved you”

“You… What?”

“We love you”, Impulse answered, smiling softly. 

Grian sobbed loudly and he felt the stinging of tears in his eyes, trying real hard to hold them back. He didn’t want to get his hopes up. He couldn’t.

“You really don’t have to say that. I don’t need you to pretend The possibilities of another succubus coming by is really low and I bet Xisuma will raise the defenses after today and-”

There was a finger on his lips. Ren’s. Both of them smiled. Both of them looked at him with nothing but love.

“Grian, we really do love you”, Ren said and Grian couldn’t hold the tears back any longer, letting them flow freely, raising his arms to put them around the other two now again, all of them pressed together tightly.

“God, I love you two so much.”

“We know”, Ren said and chuckled softly. “Almost dying to a love sucking monster is a really crazy way of confessing though, G-man, just so you know.”

Grian laughed through the tears as well and when he pulled back he smiled at them softly. He might have almost died and he still felt far too weak to even walk back, but the way those two looked at him, as if he was the most precious being in this world right now made him think that this might be the best Halloween he’s ever had after all.

[spooky-luvur]

Could y'all write an Arthur fic with the reader being a fan and got sucked into the game and kinda mouthed off to colm and gets himself captured :O

This was really fun lol

———

“Well,”

You turn in circles, putting your hands on your hips. “At least I don’t have to worry about taxes.”

The people in town stare, obviously, and whisper, but they don’t point and they don’t yell or do something else mean someone from modern day Detroit would do. You’re not exactly blending in with your current clothes.

But really...what the fuck? Last thing you remember is turning the gaming console off, taking a shower, then you think you hit your head when you stumbled but it definitely wasn’t hard enough to send you through time???

You reach the edge of the dusty town and pause, looking over the vast land. Nice fields. No factories in sight. You try to remember every little detail...sat on the left side of the couch...used the controller to turn the console on...picked the game-

...

Oh shit.

Of course.

You were playing the second Red Dead Redemption.

Balls, how in the-!

It’s fine, it’s fine. This is cool, actually.

You don’t bother to hide your grin and unbelieving laugh, raking your hands through your hair. This is cool as shit! You were so interested in the 19-20th century anyway and to be *living* in it?! Damn. But we’re you just in the century, or was I in the game too?

You turn back to the small town and take a good look around, eyes falling onto a large white parlor house. It’s Rhodes! Incredible. Excited like a little kid on Christmas, you hurriedly make your way back into town, taking everything in and spinning in circles like some lunatic.

The general store, the gun shop with that guy locked in the basement- wait a minute.

When in the game was it? If you were magically set in Rhodes wouldn’t that mean the gang was at the camp by the lake? What’s it called, Clemens Point? Clement? But you didn’t really know how to get there from here, and even if you did somehow manage to find it, you’d likely be shot on sight. But you’re inside your favorite game. It only makes sense you’d want to meet and bond with the main characters.

With a stomach full of butterflies, you set off onto the road leading out of town, hoping to stumble upon something- or someone.

———

God, it was hot. Why was it so hot? Damn sun, making me all sweaty and gross. Don’t you have better things to do?

Pulling at your collar, you stop to rest for a few minutes, surrounded by the tall trees. Okay, there’s the water, the stones, old dilapidated church or whatever that is, the sound of a gun cocking, the nice breeze- wait.

“Put your hands up, boy.”

Great. Great. Great. You put your hands up by your head, mentally cursing yourself and everyone who’s ever existed. You didn’t know that voice and that voice didn’t know you.

“You got any cash? Jewelry? Guns?”

“No, I don’t. I got nothing.”

“Bullshit, turn around!”

Slowly turning, you’re met with the barrel of a gun and a very rowdy-looking man. Two other men with guns also pointed at you are a few feet behind him.

“I know you got somethin, your clothes are reeeeeal fancy mister.”

“You can check, but I ain’t got nothin, mister.” Yeah. That’s right. You tried to make yourself sound more cowboy-y, and by the looks of it, he bought it. He did look kinda dumb. No offense, cowboy. Or whatever you were.

The dirty man scoffs. “You ain’t-“

“Come on now boy, it wouldn’t be smart to hide things from us now would it?”

Another guy? Damn, was he hot at least- ohhhhhh. Ohhhhh shit. Oh shit oh shit.

Colm O’Driscoll stares you right in the face, a small, evil smirk on his own. Ugly fucker.

“We’ll ask you again, friend. Do you got anything?”

“I said no damnit! God do your looks match your brain?? Horrible?? Well that wasn’t a very good insult but damn you fugly!!”

The men glance at each other white you babble on.

“My grandpa looks finer than you and he’s dust! Ha! Musty motherfucker- you look like my foot!”

“Enough outta you!”

Colm O’Dick grabs you by the front of your collar and yanks you forward, pushing you onto the dirt.

“Tie him up and bring him back. Maybe we’ll cut out that dirty little tongue of his.”

Damn.

———

Ugh, shit.

The throbbing in your head blurs your vision for several moments. When you finally blink it away, you whine and hang your head from the numerous spots of pain blooming all over your body. Hanging from your bloodied worth’s in just your underwear, feet barley brushing the dirt-covered floor. You remember what happened last night. They beat you, burned you, poked and prodded, nearly poisoned you if Colm hadn’t stopped them, saying something like “it would kill him too quick.”

Damn, if this was how it was always gonna be, you wanted to go back home.

You didn’t know what time it was. Or if it was any more than just a day. You were in some kind of cracked stone walled, rat shit covered basement. A single candle is lit on the blood stained table with a variety of things that make you go ‘ouch.’

Using nearly all your strength to lift your head, you try to find a door or something else you could crawl through. There’s a moldy door in front of you. Seemingly unlocked.

“God, I can’t get down,” you mumble, nearly out of hope. This was supposed to be your story! Your special adventure! Filled with love and drama and literally anything but you getting tortured by men who stink like piss!

The door suddenly starts clicking, and you squeeze your eyes shut the best you can. Was it the dirty men? Or your hero? Heroine? A crazy hermit? The door swings aside, making you cautiously crack your heavy eyes open. Oh please be hot please be hot please be-

“Hey! They got someone!”

Hot.

Your jaw nearly embarrassingly falls open as a man in a pretty blue shirt puts his gun down and pulls out a knife. Hot murder man? Yes please-

“You a prisoner?”

“Sure,” is all you manage.

The man comes closer to cut the ropes suspending you and yes, like in the movies, you can’t really hold yourself up therefore fall forward again the chest of the wow you’re buff.

“You alright, boy?”

Call me that again please.

“Fine, fine.”

Hands gripping the sleeves of the pretty blue shirt, your lift your head to see your hunk of a hero, only to come face-to-face the Arthur fucking Morgan.

Of course, that’s when you pass out.

———

“Is he dead?”

“What? No Jack, he ain’t dead.”

“But he’s all bloody.”

“Damn O’Driscoll’s. He’s just a boy. Lenny’s age.”

You’re like, 23 thank you very much.

“What’re we supposed to do with him?”

“He’s nearly dead, we gotta keep him here for now. Now shoo! All you got chores! Get!”

Something warm and wet yet scratchy is dabbed onto your forehead and a few spots around your face, making you sigh lightly.

Your eyes felt like heavy weights, but you eventually got them open. You wanted to see what was going on really badly.

A Susan Grimshaw. In your face.

Your eyes widen only barely and a very unattractive noise sounding like a confused cat escaped your mouth. The old woman’s brow furrows.

“Hush, boy. I ain’t hurting you.”

Blinking, you look around without moving your head. You were in a tent, on a cot, in your underwear, a random shirt that went past your butt, I’m keeping this forever, and your body hurt very much.

“I’m alright, ma’am,” you look into Grimshaw’s pretty eyes.

She huffs. “Like hell. But fine, you can get up. Nothings broken.”

She leaves the tent, making you slowly swing your bare legs over the side and hoist yourself up, staggering out as well.

“Ugh,” shielding your eyes from the harsh sun, you take a deep breath that makes your chest ache. Welcome to the 19th century, (M/n).

“You’re awake, my boy. How are you feeling?”

It’s too early for this shi-

Never mind it’s never too early for Dutch Van der Linde.

You nod, blinking up at the raven-haired man.

“Just fine, sir. Thank you for saving me. I thought I was a goner.”

“No thanks needed, my boy. I got a sayin’: we shoot fellers as need shooting, save fellers as need saving, and feed ‘em as need feeding. I’m sure we all know, just what you need.”

You really just heard that.

“Oh, I have an idea.”

Dutch laughs, patting your shoulder. “Mr. Pearson! Get this fine boy some food! What’s your name, son?”

“(M/n). (M/n) (L/n).”

“Well Mr. (L/n), do you mind telling us what you were doing all bloody and bruised in Colm O’Driscoll’s basement?” He uses the hand on your shoulder to guide you further to the center of camp.

“I got captured once they realized I didn’t have any money. They beat me good.”

“Yes, well, let’s hope nothing of the sort ever happens again.”

Pearson comes over and places a hot bowl of stew in your shaky hands, nodding at you before heading off.

“Ladies! Would you please help (M/n) get some food in his belly, he’s not too good right now,”

Mary-Beth hurries over, cupping your hands around the bowl to keep it from falling. “Course, Dutch. Come along now...”

———

“Okay, you can do this, come on. You know everything about him! Everything...about...them...”

You shake your head to get rid of the negative thoughts, straightening your back. “Okay, let’s go.”

You keep your eyes locked on Arthur, your target, as you march over to where he’s sitting on his bed, nose buried in his journal. Wow this is really happening-

“Excuse me?”

Way to sound like a 14 year old girl (M/n). Your heart nearly stops once the burly man looks up, blue-green eyes meeting your own. He doesn’t say anything, only stares at you expectingly. You wrong to hands nervously.

“Um...I just wanted to say thank you. For helping me, you know.”

He nods. “You’re welcome.”

You panic, not wanting to lose his attention.

“Dutch said I could stay! With you...er, with the gang! Dutch said I could stay with the gang, they don’t really see me as a threat, so...” your voice trails off.

“Well, that’s great. They’re good people, don’t mess it up.”

“Of course! I’m very grateful, I just...was hoping I could see more of you...?”

No, you definitely weren’t asking him out. Yet.

Arthur looks at you weirdly, before quietly chuckling and turning back to his journal.

“Sure, kid.”

I’m in love.

———

That night, the gang is celebrating a new edition. You weren’t like Kieran. You weren’t nothing bad, neither. Most of them actually trust you already. Thankfully. Those who don’t, weren’t celebrating. Or it was all just an excuse to get blackout drunk

You believed it to be the latter when you left the log by the fire and no one noticed. Everyone kept singing and ‘celebrating.’ Pausing by one of the tents, you slightly duck back behind it. The radio in Dutch’s tent was quietly singing an opera song, and Dutch and Miss Molly O’Shea we’re gently dancing along, gazing into each other’s eyes with the look of the lovers. Good for them. They deserve it. It makes you smile sadly.

You retreat and continue looking around all the tents and everything. Where’s Arthur? He wasn’t at the fire. He’s not in his tent either. Or, wagon. Lean-to? Whatever, but you can’t find him. You circle around the edge of camp for a bit until you find him behind the big tree near the horses.

“Arthur?”

He looks away from the sky and at you.

“Hey, (M/n).”

“Hey Arthur,” you take a few steps closer. “Not a party person?”

He shrugs. “Not tonight, I guess.”

“That’s a shame. I was...hoping you’d might care to dance? With me?”

It takes him a few moments to realize just what you said but once he does, he open his mouth in surprise.

“What?”

You hold out a hand, giving him a mischievous grin.

He shakes his head, looking away for a moment before back at you, pushing himself off the tree.

“What the hell.”

When he takes your hand, it feels like it was meant to be. Where you were meant to be. When you were meant to be! Call you crazy, but with this? Dancing to nearly inaudible music with a fictional cowboy on the outskirts of the camp containing the people that saved you from other fictional outlaws? You never wanted anything more.

[whentheynameyoujoy]

If There Was One Thing That Could Make Me Go ‘Spoilerphobia’ Good…

Although I generally don’t give a damn about spoilers and in fact sometimes seek them out, there’s a point the anti-spoiler crowd makes that I agree with. When you know how things are going to turn out, your viewing experience tends to change from “first-time discovery” to “analytical repeat viewing”. Suddenly, you’re not watching a story unfold, wondering how it turns out, but interpreting it in the view of the ending, assuming that everything that precedes it ties into and sets it up—because it should. Now, this doesn’t matter all that much if the thing you’re watching is internally consistent and actually does set up the conclusion.

If it doesn’t, well…

So anyway, if there’s something my ATLA rewatch highlighted to me, it’s how confusing and trippy it was to watch the show as a thoroughly-spoiled presumed Cataanger-to-be.

Here are my thoughts from eight years ago as I viewed the story for the very first time, knowing that Cataang was endgame and expecting the story to actually conform to the ship.

The Boy in the Iceberg

“If no one told me Cataang was endgame, I’d have guessed from this single shot. A story about a hero saving the world, and when the hero meets the main female character it’s shown like this? Doesn’t exactly spell ‘trope breaker’ to me. I’m glad TPTB are committing to this ship and developing it from the get go.”

“Though I don’t understand the necessity for the age/maturity gap, or for it to be highlighted in this way. It says quite a lot that while Aang views himself as a child and seems to have lots of growing up to do, Katara needs to be reminded she’s still a kid and almost immediately assumes the role of the Gaang’s resident caretaker.”

The Warriors of Kyoshi

“After a few episodes of pretty heavy stuff and Katara interacting with it while fully embracing her motherly role, we’re getting a filler with lots of space for developing the relationship in a romantic way... yet nothing happens. All pursuing is decidedly done by Aang who seems desperate for Katara’s attention which she doesn’t give to him until the end when it’s framed like a mum lovingly watching a nagging son. Neither does Katara recognise Aang’s obsession with fame for what it is—a desire for her to be smitten with him, just a little bit. Not even the opportunity to display some jealousy on her part is seized as she seems more annoyed with his vanity than put out by being sidelined.”

Jet

“Alright, I guess Cataang is going to be the ‘get out of the friendzone’ type of romance because this is getting ridiculous. It’s been ten episodes and so far not a single sign of romantic interest on Katara’s part. Yet there is absolutely no doubt the girl’s crushing on Jet hard and itching to pursue it, war or no war, so it’s not like there’s any ambivalence in terms of her feelings for Aang—they’re not romantic at this point, period. I wonder what Aang will do to become a blip on Katara’s luv radar.”

The Fortuneteller

“So we get a romantic shot of Katara from Aang’s POV, a hilarious romantic shot of Aang from Meng’s POV, no indication that Katara perceives Aang as a romantic possibility at all, and the whole episode is about unrequited crushes, failing to catch your crush’s attention, needing to move on, and destiny being bullshit. Yup, definitely the ‘get out of the friendzone’ type of romance.”

“OK, I’m confused because there is some thematic clashening going on. The point of the episode so far has been about not minding prophecies and that everyone’s the master of their own destiny, yet Katara’s marriage to a powerful bender is apparently bang on the money? So what is the story telling me, that a) Katara learned nothing about her crippling reliance on fate? Or that b) she’ll pursue Aang, of whose existence she needed to be reminded, to fulfil Aunt Wu’s prophecy? I don’t think I like this. On the other hand, the romance is beginning at last. It’s now impossible for Katara not to factor this revelation into her dealings with Aang, and since Cataang’s endgame, there’s no way she won’t see him in a new light. We’re totally getting lots of pining, aborted touches, and blushing, Toph’s-crush-on-Sokka style, baby.”

The rest of Book I—no sign of Katara’s emotional investment in a romantic Cataang whatsoever

The Cave of Two Lovers

“I have no idea why this episode exists. Not only does the legend of lovers from enemy villages not fit Cataang AT ALL, but the whole story is a thinly veiled excuse for getting the two of them to kiss—and they don’t? And Katara’s so weirdly utilitarian about it? You know, for a girl who was validated in her obsession with destiny and informed she could very well end up marrying this guy, she’s acting pretty nonchalant about possibly kissing him for the first time and forgets about it the second the plot stops hinting at it. So what was the point? Christ, I hope the experience at least finally gets Katara to reflect on her relationship to Aang.”

The rest of Book II—no sign of Katara’s emotional investment in a romantic Cataang whatsoever

Return to Omashu

“OK, I really need her to verbalize her feelings once because ffs.”

City of Walls and Secrets

“I could so do with a single moment of Katara reacting to Aang in a similar way and suppressing those feelings. Hell, being infatuated with his power as The Fortuneteller seeded would be enough at this point because I’m being fed nothing.”

The Guru

“My post-catholic brain has no idea what this episode is saying about Aang’s feelings for Katara. Are Avatars as an entity supposed to live like hermits, with no romantic relationships whatsoever, otherwise they won’t ever master the Avatar State and will only go into it at random? Wait, that can’t be correct—Roku is in a loving marriage yet can glow up at will, meaning that romantic love clearly isn’t an obstacle. So what, is Pathik full of crap? Well, no, because everything he teaches Aang works, up to and including his advice to let go of Katara. So what about Aang’s love is such a problem? I’m also pretty confused about Pathik’s likening of the Air Nomads to Katara. Like yeah, the love and belonging Aang had with the Nomads survived and was transformed, but isn’t Cataang supposed to be a romance, albeit one that’s so far failed to manifest? I didn’t get romance from Aang’s relationship to any airbender. I don’t get this.”

The Headband

“FINALLY, a clear sign of Katara’s romantic feelings for Aang. And it took only 41 prior episodes where she either treats him like a baby, or has to be reminded by outside circumstances that he exists as a romantic option, so it’s not like there was much setup. I would also appreciate if Katara didn’t realise she’s attracted to Aang in the very same episode where she literally pretends to be his mum but beggars can’t be choosers. I now feel pretty confident in saying that I’m getting Katara blushing and pining like crazy at last.”

The romance doesn’t come up again for the next seven episodes

The Day of Black Sun

“WAIT, SHE WAS INTERESTED IN THE HEADBAND! She displayed romantic attraction! WTF happened? Why does she look like someone who was just violated by her sonion? OK, I need a resolution, I need them to address this, have a conversation, something!”

The romance doesn’t come up again for the next seven episodes

The Ember Island Players

“So we’re officially pretending The Headband didn’t happen, I guess. The only thing that surprises me at this point is my lack of surprise. Anyway, what’s the nature of Katara’s confusion? Because with four episodes left to go until the ship becomes endgame, I’d like more specificity as to her feelings since this line reads less like ‘I’m confused because war/I have no clue what my feelings are exactly’ and more like ‘I don’t know how to let you down gently/I had no idea you felt this way or what to do with it.’ Address this, please!!”

The romance doesn’t come up again for the 99% of the next four episodes

Avatar Aang

“They turned my girl into a golddigger. Fucking end me.

So what I’m getting from this is either a) Katara wasn’t interested in Aang until he became the best candidate for Aunt Wu’s prophecy, or b) Aang was originally supposed to recognise his one-sided puppy crush for what it was and overcome it.

I feel dirty.

Anyway, I heard people are into Zuko x Katara, maybe there’s some decent brain bleach about that.”

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #44: The Phantom of the Opera

Today on Fate and Phantasms, we’re starting with the Man in the Mirror, a.k.a. the Phantom of The Opera! The role of the phantom will tonight be played by a Phantom Rogue/Whispers Bard mix with some dramatic cantrips and plenty of psychic damage to keep him inside your mind.

You can check out the level-by-level breakdown below the cut, or the summary spreadsheet. Either way, enjoy the show.

Race and Background

He may be the Angel of Music, but he’s definitely not an Aasimar. I mean, probably? The DnD universe has a lot more sentient races than ours, you can get funky with it if you want; maybe a siren? But for canon’s sake, he’s clearly a Human, giving him +1 to all stats. He’s also a Hermit, but we’re going to change it up a bit from the usual. He lived alone, yes, but under and Opera House, so he’ll be proficient in Performance and Religion instead. He also might get a terrible secret of the multiverse if you want to talk to your DM about it. Why the multiverse always gives its secrets to dangerously unstable people, I don’t know. But maybe you do!

Stats

If you’re using the standard array like we are, put your highest score in Charisma; you’re a good enough singer to tutor professionals despite never being taught yourself, so that’s all raw talent. You were also able to build a concerning number of secret passages into an opera house without anyone noticing, so your Intelligence is probably pretty high as well. You’re clearly not powerfully build, but can handle yourself pretty well in a fight: all signs point to your Dexterity being next. Your Constitution and Strength are decent enough; I’d even consider them pretty high considering you’ve spent an indeterminable amount of time living in a sewer maze. Finally, dump Wisdom. The phrases “Mental Pollution” and “High Wisdom” do not go together.

Class Levels

1. Rogue 1: We’re starting off as a rogue, they get relevant proficiencies and lots of them, and you’ll need a lot to fuel all the expertise you’re getting. Specifically, you’re proficient in Dexterity and Intelligence saves and four rogue skills. Acrobatics and Stealth will help you worm your way through secret passages without getting caught. Your powers of Persuasion can convince people that you’re some kind of angel (though that might just be grooming), and when that falls through you always have Intimidation as well.

At first level, you double your proficiency in two skills thanks to your Expertise. We’ll start with your Performance and Stealth: you have the most beautiful voice in the world, and are weirdly good at creeping through old opera houses without creaking any floorboards. You can add more damage to your attacks with a Sneak Attack, and you know Thieves’ Cant, a secret language of rogues. Nobody understands what happens in operas anyway, so it’ll be easy to slip some hidden messages in.

As far as weapons go, dual-wielding daggers are probably your best bet as stand-ins for your claw hands. It will also use up your bonus action, but having a back-up attack is always useful.

2. Rogue 2: Vanishing from the scene becomes much easier with your Cunning Action, allowing you to dodge, disengage or hide as a bonus action. Disappearing in the nick of time is kind of your thing, and this will make it much easier.

3. Rogue 3: Third level rogues get a sneak attack boost as well as their archetype, and yours is the appropriately named Phantom archetype from Tasha’s Cauldron. When you take this archetype, you gain Wails from the Grave, meaning the dramatic music stings that accompany your attacks can actually do damage now. When you attack someone with your sneak attack, you can deal half your sneak attack dice in psychic damage to another creature nearby. You can use this a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus per long rest. You also can hear Whispers of the Dead, giving you proficiency in one skill of your choice that you can swap out each short rest. Erik’s a multitalented man, but being proficient in every skill takes up way more ASIs than we have, so this is a happy medium.

4. Bard 1: Bard pull people under their sway with the power of music, and that’s literally your entire MO, so this is a no-brainer.  At first level, you get a free skill of your choice. Operas cover a lot of subjects, but I think History is the most consistent. Sure, it’s fictionalized history, but you’re fictional too, so it all works out.

First level bards gain Spellcasting using charisma as your casting stat, as well as some Bardic Inspiration dice, a couple D6 you can throw at people to encourage their best performances.

For spells, grab Prestidigitation and Minor Illusion for some stage magic, Charm Person and Unearthly Chorus to charm your way out of any situation, and Dissonant Whispers and Puppet to really worm your way into people’s minds.

5. Bard 2: You’re now a Jack of All Trades, adding half your proficiency to any check you’re not already proficient with. Seriously, Erik’s a stage magician, skilled architect, and a world class singer, all while being shunned by polite society. How does he do it?

You also learn a Song of Rest, letting you ease your party’s worries during short rests with your skillful performance. I’d think hearing the phantom sing would put someone even more on edge, but that’s why I’m not a dnd character.

For your spell, grab Feather Fall. It’s great for when you need to jump off a balcony to escape, or if you forget about the time limit on a late-game feature.

6. Bard 3: Being a bard also gives you some Expertise, this time enhance your Persuasion and Intimidation to perfect your “people skills”. You also graduate from the College of Whispers at this level, giving you a couple extra features as well. 

Psychic Blades lets you burn through inspiration dice to add 2d6 Psychic Damage to your attack once per round. You also learn Words of Terror, so if you talk to someone for a while you can try and make them afraid of you or someone else for up to an hour. That can be done once per short rest.

Grab Suggestion to politely remind people why they always do all you ask of them.

7. Rogue 4: Use your first ASI to increase your dexterity for more AC and more stabbage.

8. Rogue 5: Your sneak attack is boosted to 3d6, and you gain an Uncanny Dodge, letting you react to avoid half the damage from an attack. Sometimes your flair for the dramatic means escapes aren’t quite as easy as they should be. This will help you avoid dying while still being the center of attention.

9. Rogue 6: Your third round of expertise will help you remember more about the subjects of operas you’ve watched, doubling your proficiency in History and Religion. 

10. Rogue 7: Seventh level rogues get another sneak attack bonus, and they learn about Evasion, meaning dexterity based attacks deal a lot less damage to you. I don’t know exactly what kind of save a falling chandelier requires, but dexterity is a pretty safe bet.

11. Rogue 8: For your next ASI, we’re taking the Dual Wielder feat. This gives you a bit of extra AC and you can trade up for larger claws for some extra damage. If you really want to powergame though, you could switch this out for the mobile feat instead, as we’ll be getting a feature later on that makes ignoring difficult terrain very useful.

12. Rogue 9: Ninth level rogues get another sneak attack bonus, bringing you up to 5d6. Ninth level phantoms learn how to make Tokens of the Departed. You can react when a creature dies within 30′ of you to turn part of their soul into a random trinket from the trinket table. While you have at least one trinket on your person, you have advantage on death and constitution saves. You can only keep a small number on you, and can destroy a trinket to ask the dead one question. You can also destroy a trinket to use Wails from the Grave for free. Admittedly this has very little to do with being the phantom of the opera, but the advantage is really nice if you’re trying to keep someone charmed while in combat, and we’ll get a better use for the trinkets later.

13. Bard 4: Back in bardsville, you’ve got another ASI waiting for you. Boost your Charisma for more powerful spells and more uses of your Psychic Blades and inspiration.

For spells, pick up Vicious Mockery for even more psychic damage, and Blindness/Deafness to make tracking you down even harder via a quick blast of organ playing.

14. Bard 5: With our last level in bard, your inspiration dice increase to a d8, and your psychic blades now add 3d6 damage to attacks. You also become a Font of Inspiration, regaining inspiration uses on short rests rather than long ones.

For your last spell, grab Fear. This hardly should even count as magic for you, you just have that kind of effect on people.

15. Rogue 10: Switching back to rogue, you get one more ASI, which we’re putting into Dexterity. You hit harder and are harder to hit, what’s not to love?

16. Rogue 11: Your sneak attack goes up again, and you now have Reliable Talent. This means any skill check you make that you’re proficient in will always have a roll of at least 10. Basically, whatever you’re good at, you’re really good. And you’re good at whatever you need to be, which is great for you.

17. Rogue 12: With your last ASI, we’re maxing your Charisma. Maximizing dexterity would be nice, but we only have so much space and the extra inspiration is too useful to pass up. Don’t worry though, we’ll get something to guarantee our attacks hit in two levels.

18. Rogue 13: You know the drill: sneak attack goes up to 7d6, and you get your last Phantom ability. Ghost Walk lets you turn into, let’s say a “specter”, for ten minutes as a bonus action. You gain 10′ of flying speed and can hover in midair, attacks against you are made with disadvantage, and you can move through objects as difficult terrain. If you stay inside an object at the end of your turn though, you take 1d10 force damage. Honestly though, that’s a lot less damage than anything else that’s happening at 18th level. Why would you stay outside? There’s fighters out there. You can use this feature once per long rest, or by burning a soul trinket for this feature. I know that all the ghostly things you do in the musical are thanks to secret passages in your opera house, but most adventures don’t take place in your opera house. This is a good way to still dramatically pop out of mirrors without needing several years of prep time and a zoning permit.

One important thing to note: There’s no rules regarding what happens if you become tangible inside a wall, so try not to find out.

19. Rogue 14: You now gain a Blindsense, making you aware of hidden creatures within 10′ of you as long as you can hear. This combined with Ghost Walk means you’re now the master of the ambush. Why bother being in a fight when you can just stick your hands out of the floorboards and remove someone’s ankles? This gives you advantage on your attack because your opponent can’t see you, and makes you immune to any counterattacks unless they feel like tearing up the entire dungeon around them.

20. Rogue 15: With your capstone level, your sneak attack becomes an extra 8d6, and your fraying sanity becomes so obtuse it goes right back around to being good. Your Slippery Mind gives you proficiency in wisdom saves, making you harder to charm and fool with illusions.

Pros: A majority of your saves are pretty good, with only strength really being a weakness thanks to your features covering your constitution and wisdom saves. The only thing with a wider range than your save proficiencies is your skill proficiencies: anything you’re good at, you’re really good at. Anything you’re not good at, you’re still pretty good at. And Whispers of the Grave can even give you tool proficiencies. Your party needs a boat captain? You’ve watched Riders to the Sea once, it’ll probably be fine. Finally, specializing in one type of damage is usually a bad idea. Unless it’s psychic damage, in which case it’s generally a great idea. Very few creatures resist or are immune to it, and it’s pretty easy to argue that it’s magical damage.

Cons: Outside of Wails from the Grave and one or two bard spells, you don’t have many ranged attacks. Also, the psychic damage effects from your Psychic Blades are a significant part of your damage early on, and they eat into your inspiration stores very quickly until you get Font of Inspiration. Finally, we weren’t able to pick up War Caster in this build, so trying to dual wield your claws and cast spells at the same time might be a bit cumbersome, depending on your DM.

Next up: ...Sorry, I got distracted. What were we talking about?

[sweetest-honeybee]

To Hell and Back

Chapter 29

Summary: Wels has a bit of a...discussion...with The Lord of Darkness

Characters: Wels, The Lord of Darkness (Hels, Ex, Xisuma, Tango, Doc, Keralis, Beef mention)

TW: Wels gets attacked so uh there’s that I suppose but nothing overly descriptive or gorey

——————

Wels didn’t know where he was. He was floating in darkness, nothing around him, nobody there. Everything was deafeningly silent.

You’re one of my best soldiers, Wels.

He turned to look around, finding nobody.

Why do you want to run?

He turned again, eyes landing on something in the distance. Tall, had red eyes of some kind, and weirdly enough, whatever shadows the creature was made of, they still stood out on the Void where he was. It was painfully obvious that sea shanties weren’t getting this to quiet down. He opened his mouth anyways, finding that no sounds came out of it.

Weird.

Wels didn’t panic, not yet. It wasn’t worth panicking yet when he still didn’t know what he was here for. Lashing out would probably just try to make the situation worse and fuel that weird other side of him that seemed to crave violence. That must’ve been what happened before he blacked out again, but this time not returning to any familiar sights in the overworld. Then one particular memory stood out to him among the rest he tried to recall before this moment. Beef, Xisuma’s base, the obsidian cell, Doc complaining about how loud he was singing….what time was it? Had it been hours? Days? But nonetheless, he remembered the name of this vile creature.

The Lord of Darkness.

You remember me, don’t you, Wels.

The Lord was now by his side, clawed fingers trailing over his neck. Briefly, a sting shot through his throat and he gritted his teeth. With a cough, Wels let out a pained noise, then a gasp, then a growl, and finally he spoke.

“Why am I here.” He snapped his head towards The Lord. The creature laughed.

“You best not question The Lord of Darkness. Your little twin is beginning to realize that those efforts are futile.”

Wels raised a brow, The Lord stepping to stand tall in front of him. “Helsknight?”

The lord scratched at his chin thoughtfully. “Yes, he’s falling soft. He failed my tasks, so he’s being punished for his disobedience.” In his palm, The Lord generated a small glowing figure of Hels and another of Wels. “I might as well let you in on my little secret since you’ll never be revisiting your body permanently ever again.”

“Wait what? You can’t do that!”

A sinister chuckled left The Lord. “Oh but I can, watch.” The figure began moving, the little Hels growing wings and hovering above the other little knight. “Hels used to be my champion, my strongest soldier. He was fueled by more rage than I’ve ever seen in an Evil Hermit.”

Then, the Hels figure lost its wings and fell back onto his palm, looking around with confusion while the Wels figure drew his sword. Quickly, the sword was lifted above its head and brought down on Hels. The two dissipated into smoke.

“But you, you’re stronger. You have more will than anyone, I believe you could potentially replace him.” The figures reappeared as life sized holograms a few feet away from them. “So I’m using you to punish him.” A figure of Xisuma and Evil Xisuma also generated. “And these two as well. Evil Xisuma also failed my tasks so Xisuma will do my bidding.”

“What are you doing to us? How do you play a role?” Wels asked.

“Simple, I use their malicious energy to fuel you and Xisuma. Without that, they’re nothing and really,” he laughed, ”they will die but who am I to care about that.”

Wels was only further confused. “Then why isn’t Xisuma here?”

“Because, my dear knight,” he pulled Wels’s chin upwards, claws just barely grazing his cheek. “They don’t know what’s happening to him, yet.”

The world shifted around them, bringing them to the roof Toon Towers. A bit away from them, there was Tango curled up painfully and Wels saw himself standing with the bloodied sword. The redness of his eyes was so disturbing, even if he’d seen them on Hels. The scene began playing as if it was in fast forward, Ex killing Tango, Wels panicking, Xisuma and Doc landing on the roof. After a second, it slowed down again. Wels was tied up, the knight expected as much. Though, he did notice that Xisuma didn’t seem like himself. No red eyes or snarky insults, but practically felt it in his own face when X threw a punch at past-him because of a mere insult to his brother. After witnessing another punch being thrown, Wels had figured out what The Lord meant.

“Oh no….” he muttered. “He’s still in the overworld, isn’t he.”

“Yes, on his way to see Evil X now, in fact with your friend Keralis. I made my own little introduction to them in that cell. Impulse and Doc were easy kills.” The Lord pulled up a screen displaying Hels leaning against Ex on the ship, noticeably very tired and if Wels knew anything, he simply just looked sick. “Yesterday, he visited Evil Xisuma to discuss some private matters of their own.” The Lord began to laugh. “He thought a mere confession of love would break him out of my grip.”

“Confession of love? I thought he-“

“He’s all of your hatred, yes, but you Hermits seem to have a habit of changing my little minions. Evil Xisuma especially, I’d say the two have been quite….” The screen changed to the two Evil Hermits sharing a kiss. “Intimate.”

“Oh. Well, at least he’s happy, I suppose?” He glanced at The Lord. “Is that supposed to make me hate him or something? I don’t really have a problem with,” he gestured vaguely, “all that.”

A soft chuckle was heard from The Lord and he shook his head. “No, no, but it’s useful information for my scheme. Soon enough, they’ll be dead as long as I use you and Xisuma. And with you two, I’ll destroy your world.”

“Why do you want to destroy the server,” Wels interjected. “Every time someone from Hels comes here, you always have this intent to just….destroy everything we love.” He glared at The Lord. “And every time, you’ve failed.”

“I’m not the one failing, Welsknight. They do.” The Lord made the images and the figure around them dissipate with the wave of his hand. “I come from a world made of all hatred and malice. In Hels, it’s our responsibility to influence your world, since not everything is sunshine and rainbows.”

“And your point is?”

“We have our intentions and you have yours. If you met our world, just one at a time, you’d want to destroy it too.” He moved to stand beside Wels, staring off into The Void with the knight.

“We wouldn’t,” Wels muttered, his hands balling into fists. “If you know what happened then you should know that Xisuma’s reaction to Evil X was not to kill him or destroy the world he came from.” He stepped away from The Lord, eying him angrily. “You know what he did?”

“Oh, please humor me, Wels. What did he do.”

“He took him with kindness.”

“He banned him, Welsknight, one of the worst possible things that could happen to any of them. And he would’ve done the same to each and every one of us.” The Lord stood taller, eyes glowing a brighter red.

“And he realized his mistake.” The knight stomped with his continuation. “And we took him in with fairness, a promise. That we would never hurt him or anyone he considered a friend.”

“Watch your tone, boy.”

“And for months he’s grown! He’s not your little puppet anymore!”

“I said….” The Lord lifted his hand, fingertips glowing an every red, a ball of light emitting from his palm pointed towards the knight. “Watch your tone.” That said, the ball of light shot from his pal and knocked Wels back with a force to throw him at least twenty blocks.

He landed on his back on some kind of surface in The Void. Solid ground of some kind knocked the wind out of him and he turned over weakly with groan.

“You know I’m right,” he spat. Wobbling in the process, he stood up and turned to face The Lord of Darkness. “You’re attacking me because you know we can change Helsknight for the better! All of the Evil Hermits for the better!” Another blast sent him flying even farther away.

“You Hermits! That’s all you do! You steal my subjects away from me, changing them from what they were destined to be! Do you even know what you’re doing to the world by doing that?!”

Shakily, Wels pulled himself to his knees. “It’s,” he coughed, “It’s not their destiny.” He turned to The Lord. “They’re not made to be pulled around by chains their whole lives! You’re starving them of freedom!”

More balls of energy came and went, throwing the knight every which way. He was right, he knew he was with the confidence of a thousand men. Where they were, this was his mind. He should be the most powerful here, more than The Lord of Darkness, be he wasn’t. Farther and farther he went until The Lord decided he had enough of pathetic attempts at changing Wels’s mind. He stomped over to the knight who took another hit, just barely standing once more, and picked him up by the neck.

“You will regret this, Welsknight. Your world and everything you love will be gone once and for all and me and my minions will roam free of your pathetic lives. You all won’t be around anymore, destroying the balance.” Wels kicked and scratched at The Lord’s cold, dead hands around his throat but to no avail.

“You- you don’t need them for balance-“ the knight croaked. With that, the hand around his neck tightened further and it brought a whimper from him. “You’re wrong….”

“Am I? You don’t sound so sure, Welsknight.”

“I-“ He sputtered as he finally realized he couldn’t breathe anymore. “I can’t-“

“I think it’s time you sleep again, Wels.”

With a sickeningly crimson glow around the two of them, he closed his eyes knowing that this was probably the last time he’d be fighting his inner demons. He was exhausted in his own mind. Hurt, angry, guilty, just wishing for everything to be over.

He thought of Hels. How he finally found his own home and happiness and how it was going to be torn away from him. He thought of Beef, how he dragged him into all of this. Xisuma, Tango, poor Tango, the sight of the injured demon was still fresh in his mind. Impulse and Doc were killed by The Lord of Darkness, probably suffering as they speak. Wels began to feel like he’d done more harm than good, even if it wasn’t in his control. He was losing the trust of some of his closest friends who just wanted to help him out of this state of mind. It felt like a worthless attempt to fight any longer. He couldn’t change anything even when he wasn’t under false control.

So, with those final thoughts, he gave in. His mind still screamed at him to not let go but what was it worth if he tried. What did he gain from splitting headaches and aching limbs and just fighting. Who was he saving when it only brought more distress.

Maybe Xisuma would have better luck fighting off the voices in his head.

[shovel-shuffle]

i woke up in the middle of the night and realised that a lot of people on here know straight up nothing about me, which, seeing as my posts on here are becoming more casual and less made of 90% fear, might be an issue

so here’s some stuff about me. so you know i’m, like, a person. an intro post if you will (below cut for your convenience)

- you can call me swan (it’s from the song “swan song” by set it off, not the actual bird, weirdly enough)

- i started watching hermitcraft in 2018 at the start of season 6, only watched grian for a while, stopped for a year because i was bitter he stopped making evo smp (i don’t know what my logic there was), and got back into hermitcraft just as season 6 ended

- i now watch grian, mumbo, impulse, zedaph, tango, ren, scar, stress, cleo, keralis and bdubs consistently, and then there are a few other hermits i watch when i have the time/ability to focus on their content

- speaking of focus i probably have adhd + other unspecified neurodivergences. i am mentioning this because they probably come across in my typing and thought process, so uh. yeah that’s why i’m Like That

- other interests include: fallout (thanks cleo), bioshock (thanks cleo) and the band set it off. i also have a lot of hobbies like art, writing, songwriting, baking, knitting, jewelry-making, stage performance and the occasional voice acting

- i have, like, a whole bunch of ocs, they’re neat

- i am british! i live in england. i am mentioning because timezones are funky. also yes i do actually sound a bit like zedaph

- i play minecraft but not, like, hermit-style, i tend to go whole worlds without diamond tools and i like living in holes in the ground

- i got thrown in a lot of lakes as a child. not relevant, just a fun fact

anyway now you know me a bit better. i’m gonna keep this pinned for a lil while so people can get to know me (sort of) because i want friends