#I literally never use black-black for art so it was really fun to play around with it!!

[hiddencarpet]

[ID: A digital artwork in mostly black and white palette. It depicts a person with paper-white skin, short brown hair with bangs, black pointy teeth and dull teal eyes. They wear black armor. The undying spirit engulfed by black flames grins towards the point of view. They sway holding themself up with a black sword. The background is ashen gray mixed with the flames. End ID]

Undying spirit

[diejager]

I have a fucking insane idea based on a DnD thing I saw once lmao. So basically, if someone went through an immense amount of trauma, it could sort of manifest into another being used for self defense. This being was literally only limited by their imagination. It could be a damn house cat or a fucking dragon. It was basically an extension of their body that was a result of a dangerous or traumatic situation. It could help with other tasks as well, but its main purpose is defense. I need to see the men react to this, I’m begging

Monster au. Plz

~🧋

Cw: trauma, inaccurate magic, tell me if I missed any.

They were familiar with all kind of magic. Be it Old Magics and Magiks, enchantments, hexes, curses, dark arts, and everything known to the world, yours was…. peculiar. Quite peculiar for a person without any ties to a magical lineage or prior knowledge of powers. You were just a normal human - as normal as you could be with all your fearlessness towards monsters and hybrids alike - with a few unique perks and qualities, but a human no less. You weren’t any different from your parents, your extended family or any friends. A mortal with soft flesh, resilient and persevering, wild imaginations and genial abilities to adapt and conquer, and yet, were so, so fragile. 

They hadn’t expected it, with Farah - the only witch they personally knew - tied to Alex by the hip and always on the move, their repertoire of magical knowledge was lacking. So, there was a mass of confusion between them, one that made understanding your strange ability difficult, but not impossible. They had Laswell’s help to sift through all existing records, some confidential, hidden under red tapes and confidentiality regulations, and others public, open to any curious eyes and prying noses. 

The black Maine Coon that seemed to follow you, her lumbering figure and elegantly, curled fur that stood out among patches of grey and military green and browns of the base brought many questions, but all shrugged away at the mere sight of those piercing green eyes, vibrant lime that seemed to glow in darkness. She could light up the room with a single glance. It was as odd as it was menacing, and she was fiercely protective of you, shadowing your steps, curling her tail around your leg, laying on your lap when you sat and glaring at anyone who tried to approach you. 

A spirit animal someone had commented, a guardian in the shape of a cat another had hushed. She was all speculations and would stay that way until someone found out more about your Maine Coon, or if someone grew a pair and actually asked you rather than treating it like a secret mission conducted behind your back. A mystery to resolve, a like game they thought it be amusing to play until you found them out or someone gave up after grueling weeks of hitting a brocade —a dead end. 

It was fun and all, at least while it lasted. They felt like they were so close to figuring it out by themselves - pride and ego, you’d cackle. You’d have a field day laughing at them for them, then praise them for holding out so long - and Soap went out and begged for an answer. 

“I was wondering when one of you would crack,” you smiled, running your fingers through her fur, brushing away knots and tangles, “Took you longer than I expected.”

You had known of their investigation, but never spoke up. It riled them up, a thrill at finally being given the knowledge they’re hungered for, an adrenaline that pumped from their hearts to know the answer. And you stalled, teasing them with the pretty curl of your lips, taking all the time you needed to have them squirm in their seats and hang at every word that fell from your mouth.

“She’s a… trauma response, of some kind. I don’t really know how or why, but she just appeared one day while I was recovering. I was confused,” you laughed, nuzzling her scruff when she sat up to lick your chin, “Really confused. But I did some tests, experiments out of sheer boredom and discovered she came from my mind- or a product of it.”

“Your mind..?”

“You know humans have vivid imaginations, as physically unfortunate we are, our minds are a… strange thing, and she came right out of it.”

“So she could be… anything?”

You threw your head back, pulling her up in your arms as if she was the lightest kitten ever, your smile so wide it was infectiously making them smile.

“Anything that my mind can conjure up.”

Taglist: @craxy-person @crowbird @dead-cipher @iwannabealocalcryptid @iizx7y @mxtokko @capricorn-anon @perfectus-in-morte @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @bvxygriimes @distracteddragoness @konigsblog @angelcakes-22 @ramadiiiisme @ramblingsofachaoticthinker @im-making-an-effort @love-dove-noora @jinxxangel13 @daisychainsinknots @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @mul-pi @danielle143 @beau-min @makayla-666 @urfavsunkissedleo @notspiders @brokenpieces-72 @luvecarson @petwifed @randominstake @heartelysia @jggykhug09090 @hayleybarnesx @shironasumi @sparky--bunny @bloobewy @call-me-nyxx @sans-chara @cod-z @sweetnanah @aldis-nuts @thigh-o-saur @evolutionarry @kaoyamamegami @cassiecasluciluce @sobbingnshtting

[dr-spectre]

Guess who turned 7 years old?

SPLATOON 2!!!!! Everyone's favourite Splatoon game!!!! Right? Right guys....? We love Splatoon 2 yeah....? It's the best one right.....? Totally not gonna become the middle child of the series that gets overshadowed by the new fresh Splatoon 3 and the nostalgia of the first game right.....?

Okay, jokes aside about if Splatoon 2 is actually good or not. This was the game that actually got me into Splatoon, I knew about the series since it's announcement but I couldn't play the first game because like the rest of general public, I didn't own a wii u. Still don't but I would love to have one to mod. (And play Splatoon 1 online with fan servers...)

I think Splatoon 2 really did bring a lot of cool stuff to the table and it had a lot of quality of life features and interesting weapon, sub and special concepts.

It gave us the dualies!! THE DUALIES! I LOVE THE DUALIES!

It gave us the brellas! Which.... were kinda bad at launch and still are bad till this day....

BUT! I dont wanna talk about weapons because thats BORING! I wanna talk about one of the best things Splatoon 2 gave us...

OFF THE HOOK! PEARL AND MARINA! These girls are some of the most popular characters in the series and for good reason. They are both funny, likeable, charming, witty and have developed backstories by the time Octo Expansion comes around. Plus their chemistry is top-notch and so damn CUTE! It's almost has if they are somehow more than friends and that kind of connection is canon and people who try to deny it are fucking idiots and will never be in a relationship of their own.....

Also Splatoon 2 gave us a pretty solid hero mode at launch, sure it was basically more Splatoon 1 hero mode but hey, the first hero mode was fun so more of the same is fine by me. Plus you get Marie's classic snark too while you go through levels, she's nice company surprisingly. Way better than some old ass crusty dude...

It also gave us....

totally didn't fuck up my mental health this year and last year and caused me chest pain and discomfort until I had to dig and dig AND DIG for knowledge just to salvage it and make sure my favourite character in the fucking series was given the respect she deserves....

....hypno/octo Callie.... totally didn't fuck up this villain arc for her huh Nintendo? Totally didn't throw away the depth you built up (and was shown in concept art) only to try and hastily fix it 2 years later with an obscure relationship chart no one fucking talks about, not even the timeline explainers...

totally didn't use the wrong terminology to describe her situation and made everything so much worse because you wanted a simple black and white story for the kiddies yeah Nintendo? Despite you making stuff grey in the dlc expansion so the both story modes now clash like oil and water theme wise.

And yet you still treat her like dirt. Still using the wrong poorly localised words. If I still gotta repeat to the sky one more time that callie was under hypnosis and not forceful brainwashing I might have a stroke. You can't even fucking brainwash someone with hypnosis because the limitation of hypnosis is that the person under it must be fully comfortable with the suggestion and the suggestion cannot go agaisnt their morals and ideology. AND GUESS WHAT BRAINWASHING IS! FORCING DIFFERENT IDEOLOGIES INTO SOMEONE'S HEAD! DO YOU GET WHY I HAVE AN ISSUE NOW?!?!?! JUST USE THE WORD HYPNOTISED NINTENDO! THATS ALL YOU GOTTA DO!! ILL BE SOOO HAPPY!!!

YOU TOO INKIPEDIA! I CAUGHT YOU USING THE WORD TOO MULTIPLE TIMES! you better change it... just change brainwashed to hypnotised and I would literally kiss you on the lips or something idk... I love you inkipedia but that's all you gotta change okay? Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

ENOUGH OF THAT! I WANNA TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!!!

Do you know what else Splatoon 2 gave us?

OCTO EXPANSION BABY! I know people love to call this overrated now but I really don't care. It's not overrated, it's perfectly rated. It also gave us PLAYABLE OCTOLINGS! Which was a highly requested thing people really really wanted and they gave us what we asked for! Even though they lacked a lot of customisation options.... still do till this day... (Nintendo is it really that hard to come up with new hair? The community has been doing that for years for you man.)

And of course... the last thing I want to talk about...

This is probably my favourite Splatfest to date. It brought in a lot of actual genuine philosophical discussion on what kind of world is best, a world of chaos? Or a world of order? I chose team chaos because when the youtuber/streamer Etika was still around he chose team chaos and I chose that team because of him... rest in peace...

The shifty station too was phenomenonal as you got to hear Fly Octo Fly and Pearl would come in AND YOU GOT TO USE HER PRINCESS CANON!!!! IT WAS SO FUCKING COOL AHHHH!!!

God Pearl is so cool... i can't believe I actually used to dislike her. I wanna beat up teen me so badly for having such bad takes. Marina is hot sure, but, Pearl is just so fucking funny. Man what was wrong with 13 to 17 year old me....

Anyways, I wanted to ramble about Splatoon 2. It's pretty special to me as it was the reason I am here today, so I can't really criticise it as much as others do. Well... aside from one obvious thing but, I've done that many times.

Also, before I go... NINTENDO!!! BRING BACK SHIFTY STATIONS FOR SPLATOON 4!!! DO IT!!! STOP BEING COWARDS!!!!

[huellitaa]

it girl autumn 🎃🎀🍁

autumn is upon us!!!!!!!!!! all hail the best season 💭🎀🍂🧸🩷

──★ ˙ ̟🎀ur autumn to do list

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ ur never too old for trick or treating (if u celebrate!). girl get OUT THERE. (🎀🗒️note: if u have any little siblings or cousins or family, then you can take them out trick or treating and celebrate w them js as an excuse to get outside!!)

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ make pinterest boards for ur fav autumn movies and shows bcuz they cant do it themselves </3

🍂𓂃 ࣪˖ go collect leaves outside and make a pretty piece of art out of them

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ walk around early in the morning when its all foggy and pretty

🐇𓂃 ࣪˖ learn how to bake or cook (in my case anyway) OR look for some cosy autumn recipes to learn and share w ur loved ones or just to have a cosy night in and eat for urself♡

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ go thru ur closet and wardrobe and throw out all the old things you don't wear anymore. autumn is a time of change, after all (🎀🗒️note: make some cute autumn outfits while ur at it! ♡)

🎃𓂃 ࣪˖ drink every possible pumpkin spice drink u can find in ur area

🍂𓂃 ࣪˖ get out of ur reading slump! if ur in one anyway. if not then just read more books bcuz tea, rain and books is quite possibly the cosiest thing ever

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ visit a library alone, go shopping alone, just enjoy ur alone time. autumn is a time of introspection and a time to work on urself, and though i love spending time with myself in any season, autumn is especially cosy ♡

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ look at cute pumpkin designs and make one urself if u celebrate halloween ♡

🎃𓂃 ࣪˖ make some little halloween decorations if u celebrate ♡

💭𓂃 ࣪˖ build a little bug hotel out of twigs and leaves and things u find on the ground outside!!!!!! i used to do this all the time w my brother or my friends when i was little and its very nostalgic and fun ♡

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ take loads of pictures and make little vlogs and video diaries of ur autumn adventures, just for the memories ♡

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 music and media

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ ur autumn playlist

clairo (charm, sling)

the 1975

florence & the machine (lungs)

the cardigans

the crane wives

neil young (harvest)

the smiths

phoebe bridgers

type o negative

kali uchis (never be yours)

gracie abrams

🍂𓂃 ࣪˖ movies and shows

the nightmare before christmas (obviously)

gilmore girls ♡

coraline, corpse bride, pretty much any tom burton movie

anne with an e

fantastic mr fox

hilda

gravity falls ♡

you've got mail

over the garden wall

pride and prejudice

jennifers body ♡

practical magic

little women

kiki's delivery service

arrietty ♡

howl's moving castle

lord of the rings ♡

and i always have a harry potter marathon every autumn because i loved it when i was younger, so why not!

(🎀🗒️note: i love playing identity v, animal crossing and cosy grove in the autumn too! or meeting up w friends and literally js playing board games theyre so fun♡)

──★ ˙ ̟🎀fall fashion and staples

okay so i personally love pink, whites, browns, cream colours and just general neutrals-pastels in the autumn, but you can adjust this to ur personal aesthetic and however you see fit!

the first thing i think of when i think autumn is layering. layer layer layer layer. tops and sweaters, cardigans, jumpers, leg warmers, tights; to keep you warm and pretty ♡

pay attention 2 fabrics! knitted, cashmere, fleece, flannel, all the cosy sorts are perfect for the autumn months ♡

patterns like stripes, leopard print, chevron, argle and plaid are so cute and simple, esp in october / november ♡

neutral colours, like beige, white, brown, cream, grey, black, and pale variants of colours too i think work so well esp in the autumn ♡

anything fur lined is absolutely adorable i rest my case

MASSIVE COATS. i have this big trenchcoat my mum had since i was a baby and i wear it EVERYWHERE in autumn ♡

boots are THE autumn shoes, bonus points if they're fur-lined. they just look so so cute ajdhfjsfjhsjf♡

knit hats and small hair accessories, bonus points if they're in the pretty autumn colours ♡

not really fashion but i love doing simple makeup in the autumn. just very dewy natural looks are pretty all year around, but especially in the fall ♡

🍂𓂃 ࣪˖ pretty fall fashion:

all my love... 💬🎀🫶🏻💗

[luvtonique]

I wanted to address all of the controversies about me and put some explanations on them because unfortunately we live in a day and age where people just see the dirt without ever wondering how the dirt got there. They think "Man that guy never washes his car look how filthy it is" because I just fuckin went offroading 10 minutes ago but they didn't know that.

Aight let's start with numero uno, the thing I'm called the most, the big word for good ol Jay: Transphobe!

This is the one with the most hilarious backstory of them all which to this day baffles my goddamn mind.

I used to be a hated artist because I drew violent shit, I was known for Lil Miss Rarity which is a super violent comic. Naturally this lead to people saying that I was "killing children" because I was drawing violent (and sometimes pornographic) images of a children's cartoon show (My Little Pony).

So in my quick rise to stardom, I had a lot of hateful people attacking me as well, and I had fun with it. I called them out, called them stupid, etc.

Well, one of them was Dumbo. Dumbo spent 6 full months making posts about me that are still on their blog to this day. Every single time I made a post, they reblogged it or reposted it, to call me a shithead, call me an ass hole, wish I'd kill myself, etc.

One day I was doing a fundraiser to put away money for a potential emergency because my mom had hurt her spine really bad and was in the hospital. I had a goal of $300 and raised $1200.

Dumbo, of course, was saying hateful shit about me still, and said, I quote, "I hope that whore dies in the hospital lmao"

So, I looked into who Dumbo was. The Brony fandom was, at the time, all about Love and Tolerance, so I did some sleuthing and found out they were an artist on DeviantART taking full color commissions for $10. I commissioned them on my DA account, and asked them to draw Lil Miss Rarity. They and I had a very polite conversation, and since they drew the picture very quickly I tipped them 100% and told them to up their prices because their art is very good.

They thanked me, not knowing it was me (despite that it was literally my main account), and I walked away.

Then, they checked my gallery, found out it was me, and went into a rage, making a post that says, "LMFAO, Jay just begged for money and then turned around and used it to commission an artist for double their asking price, what a shithead!!"

So, I took the screencaps of all of their death threats over 6 months, compiled them all, and showed my massive Tumblr following in a huge callout post against them. In the middle, I referred to Dumbo as "he/she/it/clown" and everyone (AND I FUCKING MEAN EVERYONE) completely ignored the 6 months of death threats and how consistently polite I was to them, and sided with Dumbo in a moment that labeled me "Transphobic" for the rest of my life.

Another instance is I called Kris from Deltarune he/she, and was called transphobic for that, and got the amazing quote "That's a real-ass child and you're misgendering them deliberately," to which I replied, "That's not a real-ass child that's a fictional character you fucking retard"

NEXT UP: ABLEIST.

I grew up in Los Angeles in special ed classes and have a mentally retarded brother, I have the pass to say retard, fuck off.

NEXT UP: RACIST.

I grew up in Los Angeles with a father who called himself "N*gger Bob" (he's white) because he was a super racist who believed being asked to help take the trash out was "akin to slavery." He also beat my retarded brother half to death for having a black girlfriend.

I was in LA during the Rodney King riots, I was in LA right in the middle of the Crips and Bloods trying to kill each other and having fuckloads of gang shootouts that I overheard when I was chilling in the Ceritos (spelling) mall.

I know what racism looks like.

A white boy saying the n-word while playing Fortnite is not what racism looks like.

A white boy singing along with Busta Rhymes (hi that's me) on a livestream and casually dropping n-bombs because I'M SINGING ALONG WITH BUSTA, BITCH, is not what racism looks like. I had three black friends growing up, Davion, Julian and Smalls, and also Undrier but Undrier was retarded and I didn't consider him a friend he just followed me around and called me "Day" because he couldn't pronounce J's. But me, Smalls and Davion would stand on Davion's aunt's porch and eat zucchini cornbread and listen to Woo Haw and headbang and sing along til the fucking cows came home.

But now that I'm grown up, my upbringing apparently doesn't matter, my FUCKING SKIN COLOR DOES (you know, racist ideology!) and I'm no longer allowed to say the n-word despite having casually spent my entire childhood surrounded by black friends who were completely okay with me saying it. I grew up in the hood, motherfucker! Bellflower born n' raised, bitch! Wes' Side!

But I'm <skin color> and since <skin color> isn't allowed to <thing that's designated for only other skin color to do>, I'm racist.

NEXT UP: PEDOPHIIIIIILE

I was molested when I was 13, which thankfully didn't leave too much emotional scarring on me. Anthony Sevarino, the dude's name was, and he shoved my hand in his pants and showed me his dick during a camping trip and said he was gonna fuck me in my bed. I was so shocked by this happening that I didn't even tell my parents who were in the same motorhome literally asleep 10 feet from me.

Growing up, I always had a really emotional trigger to seeing harm come to children, I hate it. I cry and shake uncontrollably when I see children getting hurt, no matter what. It's the only thing I have I'd call a "trigger."

I saw that episode of Rugrats where Tommy cuts his finger and then he's scared to do anything anymore because he might get hurt, and that made me fucking bawl, it still does, seeing Tommy cry super fucking hard over seeing his finger bleed- holy shit it's making me teary eyed right now just typing that.

So, naturally, I don't want children to get hurt and am extremely against pedophilia, child predatory behavior, MAPs, grooming and these FUCKING PEOPLE WHO KEEP CASUALLY TALKING TO 13 YEAR OLDS ON DISCORD FOR FUCK SAKE.

"But Jay! You drew foalcon! Those fictional ponies are underaged!"

What, you mean that tag that's still extremely popular and always has been in the brony fandom?

Yeah can't imagine why I, a very popular artist in the brony fandom from 12 years ago to 10 years ago, would ever draw something so insanely high demand and so insanely popular. Can't fucking imagine.

Never mind that I haven't drawn it in 3 years, removed all my old images of it, and even announced I'm not drawing that shit anymore, I'm still losing friends when they find out I did once, because "I can't associate with a pedophile I'm sorry." (See: "I can't differentiate fiction from reality and also can't allow a person to move on from a troubled past that they had.")

Also never mind that the few crowdpleaser foalcon moments in Lil Miss Rarity were officially written out entirely (the part where Twist and Sweetie Belle kissed).

But you know what's amazing? Being part of the brony fandom and being an artist willing to draw anything meant that people would come to me and literally confess that they're in possession of the "real shit" and wanted to know if I was interested. Seven of them, seven, are in prison now because of me and my buddy "Z" contacting the FBI with their confessions and the shit they shared with me thinking that I was a "safe person" to admit that shit to.

My position in the fandom as an artist who gets to know their commissioners personally and was willing to draw that type of shit was literally fishing out real actual predators and putting them in prison, but I was still getting called a pedophile, and still get called it today. It's fuckin great man.

NEXT UP: TRANSPHOBE (PART 2)

I was trans. Shaved my hair half off, dyed it blue, called myself Jynkx, cussed out my family, moved to Ohio with a guy who wore diapers around the house (with his brother living there) and collected loli figurines, and dated a transgirl who was catfishing and manipulating me for 9 fucking years. I have a Discord server to this day with pronoun selection roles, my best friend is trans (I met her when she was cis and helped her come to the decision to transition and it has since improved her life and happiness), and almost every mod in my Discord server is trans.

The problem, of course, is that the trans activist community hates itself more than any other, which makes perfect sense if you think about it. This is a group of people who encourage hating cisgendered people, and encourage people to hate the body they're in and to transition to a "different body." It's been proven multiple sources that there are entire "Femboy Cults" (search that on YouTube) who are actively seeking out depressed people to manipulate them into starting HRT, and cutting off their family.

WELL GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

Bridget, as you all remember her, was a manipulator who lied to me for 9 years of dating to make me depressed, hate myself, hate my family, give her thousands of dollars, and kept promising we'd meet some day while turning down every opportunity (such as conventions we were both already going to) to meet (yes, I went to conventions she was at and didn't meet her).

I was a victim of manipulation, was surrounded by horribly manipulative and narcissistic pieces of shit who warped my mind and made me believe I was depressed because I was "an egg" and needed to go get on HRT and change myself. And I almost did! I came within a hair's reach of shoving a hormone-altering drug into myself in hopes it would cure my depression, and then went "Wait a second, I'm not depressed because I'm a woman trapped in a man's body, I'm depressed because femboy-obsessed manipulative pervert rapists want me to turn myself into their fetish." I broke up with Bridget, I moved home from Ohio, I waited for my hair to stop being blue, and I became proud of myself for escaping that horrible situation and bettering myself mentally.

So how's this make me a transphobe?

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, YOU FUCKING TELL ME YOU FUCKING INSANE BOOGEYMAN-BELIEVING ASSHOLES WHO BLAME EVERY OTHER PERSON FOR YOUR OWN INTERNAL LACK OF FUCKING SELF WORTH.

WAKE THE FUCK UP. YOU'VE BEEN MANIPULATED BY THESE FUCKING TRANS ACTIVISTS WHO ARE JUST SICK FETISHISTS WHO WANT TO TRANSFORM LONELY MEN INTO "FEMBOYS" UNDER FALSE PROMISES THAT IT WILL FIX THEIR MENTAL PROBLEMS. GET OUT WHILE YOU FUCKING CAN. I DID AND I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER IN MY LIFE.

Next up: HOMOPHOBE

I draw LGD (Lesbians Getting Dicked) because I think it's hot when girls who like girls have sex with guys. I've drawn some pretty offensive pictures of it such as a pic of two lesbians being told "Pride month's over, ladies, time to be straight again" while being surrounded by hard dicks and looking scared.

Why'd I do this? Well because a lesbian friend of mine also likes that shit and we did that as an art trade.

But why do I draw it on my own sometimes? Because it's hot. It's fucking fictional porn, it's not real, it can't hurt you. I tag it LGD and only post it in servers you need accounts to see. You don't like it stop going out of your way to look at it, and if someone slams it in your face in your private "We Hate Jay" Discord server (which there are many of. I have moles who tell me.), that's not my fault y'fuckin dipshits. I properly tag and hide my stuff so only people who want to see it can see it. If someone showed you a picture of my spread asshole, you should get mad at them, not me. They're the one who SAVED IT TO THEIR COMPUTER AND SHOWED IT TO THEIR FRIENDS UNSOLICITED, YOU MORONS.

Anyway.

Next up: AN ASS HOLE.

I've spent 13 years being called all of the above names no matter how much I've catered to their activism and was even part of their activist movements directly. Fuck you.

Next up: A NAZI

Lmao.

I said on Twitter, "I hate that no matter what you say on this site, someone somewhere will get mad."

And that, without any further comment from me literally at all, turned into a massive amount of people including "Wootmaster" (Added note: I talked with Woot in private and he gave me the okay and apologized, we cool) calling me racist and a "Bootlicking Nazi." I literally did not add to it. I literally just said the opening line and left it for 3 days.

That's why I deleted my Twitter.

That's why people think I'm a Nazi.

Because I said "I hate that no matter what you say on this site, someone somewhere will get mad."

Next up: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW I BET THERE'S MORE.

You see why I make angry rant posts like this one?

Because this is how I've been treated for 13 fucking years.

I've been attacked, called names, labeled evil, told I'm phobic against the movements I was literally part of and being an activist for, had money stolen from me by perverts who got arrested for drilling a hole in the bathroom wall at a brony convention to jack off to his female roommates (he pretended to be trans and bullied them into letting him room with them in their "Safe Women's Hotel Room" and then did that shit and got arrested. But not before he stole money from me! Six thousand fucking dollars!), lived with a fucking probably actual child predator who would show me his loli figures and foalcon posters every day and try to convince me to like them and showed me his dick multiple times...

I literally was smack dab in the middle of super ultra liberal activism and trans activism for over a goddamn decade, right down to blue hair half shaved off and calling myself Jynkx.

And I come back, snap out of it, and get cussed out and called transphobic and "the reason trans people are being killed" because I don't like the flowery 1-dimensional LGBT representation in World of Warcraft and have a 9 year running best friend I went to multiple conventions with decide instantly that I'm a Nazi racist communist because I didn't disown my mother when she voted for the orange guy, and because I called one of their friends "Insane" for identifying as fae/fie and thinking they're a goddamn gaelic woodland sprite. (Btw he was my most frequent commissioner for loli shit and used to jack off while I was drawing it for him.)

You see, people.

I've spent 13 years surrounding myself with and getting personally connected with the lives of my commissioners as a brony/furry artist who was deep into LGBT and Liberal activism.

And in those 13 years I've come to realize that I surrounded myself with the most fucking disgusting and evil people on earth, who no matter how much I would shill for them and do what they asked, I would still be the label-covered punching bag whose reputation is now so utterly in the trash that literally no matter what I draw, say, or do today, I still have people on shady Discord servers n' shit calling me a fucking lolcow and a pedo and a transphobe and a Nazi and a racist and a homophobe and an ass hole.

I have learned in 13 goddamn years that you can't appease these fucking lunatic psychopaths.

And so I don't anymore.

So who am I really?

I'm an incredibly easy to talk to artist, I'm a dude, I love roleplaying and drawing pictures for people, I like writing song lyrics, I love hearing about new inventions and innovations, I love goats, I love dogs, I think cats make bad pets but I don't mind cats, I'm making a video game about an elf girl, and I want you hateful people who I've lived rent-free in the heads of for over a goddamn decade to leave me and my fanbase the fuck alone.

Love you all.

~Jay

[metfell]

Whats your favourite design quirk for each of cbench? I always love hearing how these things came to be !!

allow me to pull up some of my art for you and i will ramble- oh my god it has been literally so long since ive done colored artwork i am so sorry everyone wow the depression is visible i see. ANYWAYS.

so its funny trying to talk about designs when so much of how i draw them is just "this is ctommy but in a different outfit" so ill go into stuff that is always visible on them

i think my favorite consistency is ctubbos mismatched horns, its something that i think signifies it as My Tubbo Design. i saw a picture of a highland cow back in 2021 and i thought it fit him perfectly and ive never gone back ever since then. i started drawing tubbo as more butchy recently mainly because of boss and his source stuff to be perfectly honest, he has a lot going on in there. but its fun to take a character who is very often like... twink-ified? and make him into a stone dyke butch. well, idk if hes twink-ified these days, but back in 2021-2022 he sure was. i think giving tubbo a wider build- something these two images dont rlly do but whatever we'll work with it- is really great as a visual signifier for being guarded. hes a square hes got his massive snowchester coat on with its big furry coat and his hair covers his eyes and hes got a laurel wreath to signify coming home from war/being victorious in battle/etc. and he wasnt always a moobloom much like my little fic talked about, he used to be a human but the firework explosion fucked him up so bad the server had to stitch him back together with code from mobs. so the server grows a laurel on him and the server hardens him and tries to make him more resilient for the next fight.

i got insane abt tubbo let me move on to ranboo. i have so much fun drawing ranboo i really enjoy playing around with hair length and horn shape and leg anatomy etc. i used to be a fan of the straight split down the middle of their halves but i just love the mottled look so much i have to do that, mainly because i think it makes an artwork look a bit more polished for my own standards for myself. a lot of my ranboo design is an exercise in balance. his halves are black on the left white on the right, so his hair is flipped to make it more interesting, i give them the classic metfell hair flip because a)ranboolives hair moves like that already, and b)it lets me play around with giving them a little crown on the opposite sides horn. also i give them a bolo tie because i dont think cranboo can actually tie a regular tie if im being so forreal. and they have puffy sleeves because i think it adds to the fact that theyre not really a fighter like the others. though cranboo can hold their own and are a literal blacksmith constantly mining and smelting ores and making people armor sets, theyre not KNOWN for fighting, and so giving them an outfit that is not suited for fighting can reflect that.

when it comes to tommy i am always changing up how i draw him. im really attached to the long braid though, and im a classic butterfly clip ctommy enjoyer i think its fun and ppl who hated it were annoying as fuck. i think my favorite thing about drawing ctommy is that i give him gauges- very small ones but gauges nonetheless because cwilbur got them and he wanted to match early on. he never actually went through the process of stretching but he does have them in. and when i draw older ctommy i like to draw him like hes early on estrogen i think its really fun. same with tubbo i like to draw him like hes early on T. theyre transing together :]

[intertexts]

EPISODE 21 TRIVIA:

- bizly, introing the episode: "welcome to just rolled with it where we answer our generations greatest question: will dakota cole break the law?"

- grizzly: "no, you know what? i think the final villain of prime defenders is william fucking wisp! i think youre playing out a villain backstory and youre going to snap and go batshit crazy" < hehehehehehehehe

- charlie: "i dont think its a secret that william is FOR SURE the most likely to become a villain out of the three of us. i dont see it as a permanent final thing but i definitely think it could happen at some point. i think he would have like a red x teen titans arc" WAHOO

- charlie CURRENTLY has no plans to do this he and bizly have never even discussed it. however he thinks its a possibility. "im playing this kid who is VERY smart and has a lot of ideas, but keeps getting shut down by basically everyone and i think hes starting to get a little desperate"

- they start talking about how when charlie plays william he gets "the Chip Brain" which is a reference to how in riptide bizly makes the most WILD NONSENSE decisions and then afterwards goes "i dont know why i did that i was just so in character and i felt like thats what he would do in the moment. out of character i agree that was fucking stupid why did i do that" << so. charlie gets this playing william too LMAO

- HEY UH. FUCKED UP SENTENCE INCOMING !!! "william has literally seen what happens after you die. thats knowledge that almost NOBODY else in this world has. and i think it makes him values life... less. hes seen that theres more after, hes seen that people kind of stick around, i think life to him is a lot more fragile and messy and less black-and-white, killing or not killing. it doesnt hold the same weight. becoming sort of apathetic and desensitized to the concept of death" << THIS IS AWESOMEEEEE FOR ME

- grizzly says hes glad william and vyncent didnt try to break the doctor out of prison like they thought they would because he genuinely wouldnt know how to play that as dakota

- charlie: "william has gotten so protective of dakota that if in his mind there was ANY chance that his friend would die all because of this guy being in jail over false charges, if that was the direction the conversation was going, william actually right then and there wouldve gotten him out. he couldnt have accepted that a situation like that would lead to losing his friend"

- grizzly: "iiiiii would like to sayyyy. bizly. will i still kick absolute ass if i dont have strength and speed, or will I just be some kind of loser" << bizly says maybe but he wpuld have to play dakota as more of a Regular Guy and just have him train at martial arts really hard

- DISCUSSING A TRAINING ARC AGAIN !!!!! which they think would be fun but they dont want to do another timeskip. (<<me who has future knowledge and knows how they figure this out: :3c)

- one of the biggest reasons keeping grizzly from agreeing to break the doctor out now is because hes really afraid he'll be super bitter against the family and augment himself to have some sort of powers and become a supervillain. and he thinks something like that happening would absolutely CRUSH dakota to a point where he wouldnt know how he would come back from that

- bizly had a real time epiphany, everyone was quiet for a minute and he just went "oh my god. i know exactly how this is gonna work. pick anything you want, i got this. i have a way to make everything work"

- grizzly has NO idea which option hes gonna choose, but he thinks hes leaning toward dakota getting a normal heart and just training really hard at martial arts. charlie and condi are saying that theyre really interested to see dakota before he goes and trains because theyve never seen him *weak* before

- grizzly: "if you ever call dakota stupid in character again ill cry"

charlie: "i mean i only did that because he was putting himself in danger! i think william heard him say shit like 'its cool. its okay ive got two years' and i think he just got genuinely really upset at that. william would rather keep his friend alive than spare his feelings"

- "if william ever did become a supervillain he would *never* hurt dakota" (<< WAUGH)

- charlie was gonna ask the doctor about williams whole decaying thing but decided not to because it didnt feel right in the moment. bizly goes "i mean you already know who you need to talk to about that" to which charlie goes NOOOOOOOOOO bc he is implying. mal

- charlie: "william doesnt wanna talk to mal he pisses him off"

grizzly: "why, because its like looking in a mirror?"

condi and bizly at the same time: "ooooooohhhhhhh"

- grizzly: "god this decision is so fucking hard i feel like i need an adult- OH MY GOD can we go see tide. can i not make my decision and instead we just go see tide"

- condi: "vyncent doesnt really know how to feel about this choice. he wants dakota to be powerful because he knows those powers are really important to him but he also doesnt want his friend to fucking die!"

- GRIZZLY IS TALKING ABOUT THE DEMON HE ATE AGAIN AND BIZLY GOT SO FRUSTRATED THAT HE ACCIDENTALLY REVEALED WILLIAM STUFF:::: "i dont think the demon works how you think it works, its not PHYSICALLY in your stomach it doesnt have a physical form you CANNOT digest it !!!! in this whole campaign, no spirit has been able to wander out and influence the physical world, thats why william is so special as a planeswalker! he is a spirit that has a physical form, he can affect the real world and also be in the spirit world without a guide!"

- theyre discussing the morality of the blake family and grizzly genuinely doesnt know if dakota could process something like this where its sooooo deeply in the grey area, dakota is very black and white he doesnt think he can even understand that right now

SUCH GOOOOD FUCKING TRIVIA THIS EP DUDE!!!!!!! thank u for the foooood. fuck yes a little bowl of seeds for me.

WIWI VILLAIN ARC. PLEASE. PLEASE. YEAH. honestly at this point i know it's going to happen, i just don't know when n how. not even from ur ominous giggling it just feels SO clear to me that he is a guy who can be so desperate and do anything for the people he loves and i... give him One situation where he doesn't have his very fragile support system of two other extremely fucked up teens and their absent dad who he just doesn't wanna disappoint!!! give him one fucking situation where he's separated from them and scared and there's some threat and you fucking KNOW he's going to be Up To Some Shit. i'd bet real money on both the villain or at least morally grey conflict arc AND that general setup being the catalyst.

god. literally all of this stuff is SOOO good i'm fucking LOCKED ON to the other wiwi planeswalker shit-- that's basically what i was thinking? when the planeswalker thing had come up before? but. tasty... before i started 22 my assumption here was then that the decay situation was like. a subconscious... choiiiice? i guess? like. you know. he perceived himself as dead and his body began to reflect that & then he looked more dead so he got more dead etc etc vicious cycle. but. now i'm not sure??????? ALSO. that thing ab his thoughts on death are so fucking tasty. so so good holy shit. makes sense!! makes sense!! there's less gravity to death when it's just a place you can go, there's less gravity to killing when it's not permanent-ending, just shifting someone from one place to another. like, y'know, when u were a kid, and there was someplace u never went very often & so u thought it was Special and Important & then u grew up and figured out it wasn't actually Special and Important and an Occasion to go there, your mom just hated the parking situation or it was a bit too far for a car ride w/ little kids. that's what death is like to william wisp!! head in hands. not even gonna touch on mal rn!!!

anyway. ghostkicksisms................

[celestial-bell-drop]

hello ! can you tell me about all the trauma you gave gangle based on that one gooseworx concept art (I'm #1 fan of making gangle really fucked up lol) /nf

Oh you should not have asked, dear anon. I have fucked her up so bad she’s not even the same character anymore

These are all my mental illness headcannons

Infodump warning

Alright so after some character analysis, I concluded that Gangle has bipolar disorder (really intense mood swings to keep it simple)

The symptoms she shows during mania (comedy) are:

- Aggression

- Hyperactivity

- Never wanting to sleep (And when she does, she wakes up at like four AM)

- Recklessness

- Generally having no filter

- A constant sense of euphoria and just “IM GONNA FIGHT GOD AND I WILL WIN”

During a depression (tragedy), these are the symptoms:

- No energy/motivation

- A constant feeling of uselessness

- Self-deprication

- Wanting to do nothing but sleep

- Reserved

- literally can’t defend for herself at all

• Remember Thalasin? That one analog horror thing that Gooseworx made? Yeah that exists, and Gango uses them sometimes

• I like to think she hallucinates feelings. Physical feelings, though, like a hand on her shoulder or a random stinging pain that seeming came out of nowhere

• She can visually hallucinate, too, and lemme tell you, it’s nightmare fuel.

(A picture will be at the end of the Infodump because for some reason I can’t type after the picture after a cut so-)

• She can have a good hallucination. I made one, it’s a black cat with a bell collar named Dove. Gangle thinks it roams around the circus when she doesn’t see it, and to play along, other circus members will say they’ve spotted the cat to make sure the illusion doesn’t break because that cat is such a huge comfort to that stupid weeb it’s concerning

Anyways

• I was thinking of giving her DPD (Dependent personality disorder) but decided against it because I’ve tortured this poor soul enough

Less than fun facts:

- Comedy mask: pure happiness • Tragedy mask: real emotions (but still kinda sad)

- In my drawings, I give Gangle a short-ish tail that can portray her emotions. The problem is that the way it emotes is a mix between a cat and a dog, so if the tail is swaying, it could either mean she’s happy or pissed asf

- Also in my drawings, Gango has pupils. If you’ve watched Helluva Boss, you’ll know that Stolas’s pupils show when he feels a strong emotion. It’s basically the same thing with Gangle

I hope you enjoyed reading my insane ramblings about a character I’m very normal about

I also hope I helped fuck up your Gangle just a bit more :3

Oh yeah and here’s the picture of a hallucination I made for Gangle on a piece of math work:

(I actually worked it into an OC I’m using for artfight :3)

[auchrauch]

i LOVE LOVE LOVE how you use color for your illustrations (specifically referencing that one TGCF comic), do you have any tips for developing such a use of color? or did you study any particular artist? i’d love 2 learn more abt how u got to that style

Hello, thank you so much!! <3

I wish I could share some really cool tips for color usage, but honestly, most of my coloring process boils down to just "doing as my heart tells me" and playing around with the correction layers :D

I usually stick to some basic rules with coloring. Like avoiding using black, white and grayish colors and settling for more vibrant colors instead. Or using complementary tones. So I guess picking up a color theory would be a good start? Even if you already know all of this, it never hurts to refresh your knowledge.

I didn't study any particular artist, but what I like to do is to look up color palettes from animated shows. I think it makes a good exercise, since most of the animated shows are sticking to the limited color palettes. Just pick up a show you like and try to copy several different shots from it without using a color picker. My faves when it comes to colors are Promare and Steven Universe but ofc you can choose literally anything else.

Sorry, it's probably not very useful for you but that's all I know :')

Don't be afraid to experiment and completely change colors in the process, use references, take inspiration from other people's art, don't be afraid to break rules and more importantly don't forget to have fun with your works!!

[thegrimdog13]

Star au headcannons pt.1

If you want more just tell me! Again this is not related to any of my other aus and will have different designs.I also want to come out with some art for it soon! Love you all ❤️

______________________________________________

Jeff-  

•The fans call him Jeff the killer because he kills it on stage and the ladies, men, and others lol

•Jeff is a bitch to everyone and needs everything to be perfect 

•Jeff loves the attention

•Jeff has a preference towards woman so he often is like ohhhhh let that one on stage or take her backstage.

•Jeff did this to Nina once and after she became obsessed. Nina then became a pop star so she could be close to him at events.

•Jeff’s rock band wears fun makeup like kiss ( but it is like there regularly designs so Jeff has a smile painted on his face and EJ has black tears same with Lulu except hers are red.)

Stuff close to what Jeff would write or play-

•Falling in reverse- Good girls like bad guys

•Mötley Crüe- Dr. Feelgood

•Ozzy Osbourne - crazy train

•Green Day- boulevard of Broken dreams

______________________________________________

Nina-

•Nina stole the killer part from Jeff because she is obsessed.

•She loves Jeff’s music (Jeff does a lot of rock and emo like music. )

•Nina loves pop too and does scene music to get Jeff’s attention.

•Nina really leans into pop with her outfits but tries to add in some scene girl vibes.

•Nina moves a lot on stage like dancing and bopping around

•Nina copied Jeff a little with the smile but instead drew her lip stick into a smile.

Stuff close to what Nina would sing-

•Tessa Violet- Crush

•Bebe Rexha- I’m a mess

•Katy Perry-Hot n Cold

•Savannah Lee May-All eyes on me

•Never shot never-Happy

•lady Gaga- paparazzi

______________________________________________

Jane-

•Her stage name in Jane everlasting but it used to be Jane the killer when she was in a band with Jeff.

•She refuses to sing anything rock and metal

• Jeff and her had a call out when he was being a bitch to her and she was tired of his crap.

• She hates talking about anything about Jeff and when interviewers asked her about it she freaks out

•She mostly sings sad and inspiring songs

•She just hates Jeff lol

Stuff close to what Jane would sing-

• Alicia Keys- Underdog

•Kyla Jade- you don’t own me

•Adele- Hello

•Adele-easy on me

______________________________________________

Eyeless Jack-

•EJ puts up with Jeff better then anyone else he gets pissed at everything but Jeff some how

•EJ is basically feeds Jeff’s delusions while Liu is just like shut fuck up Jeff.

•EJ is as nice as he can be until someone annoys him then he will break his drums and Jeff will be pissed. He would say why the fuck EJ those are expensive and then EJ would just be like I’m sorry Jeff and beg for forgiveness lol.

•EJ is basically Jeff’s Boyfriend without being his boyfriend he will bring Jeff flowers before shows and simp for him and Jeff will be like cool attention.

•EJ is just like notice meeee twenty four seven towards Jeff but Jeff is oblivious.

______________________________________________

Ticci Toby and Clockwork-

•Literally Idiots they make jokes on stage before they start singing

•Toby plays the ukulele sometimes probably

•Clockwork will sing a sad song and make raunchy jokes after.

•They sing lots of comedy duets.

stuff that is similar to what they would sing-

•Joel Grey & Sutton Foster- Friendship

•Mindy Gledhill- I Do Adore

•Alex & Sierra- Little do you know

______________________________________________

Sally-

•Sally is a child ballet dancer and her mom posted her residual online and it got millions of views

•Sally appreciates people being nice to her

•Sally is super sweet and nice

•She loves people and talking to fans

•She adores dancing

______________________________________________

Ben-

Ben’s nickname is Ben Drowned because of Minecraft lol

• Ben also does gaming competitions even though he is a kid

•Ben is really good for a teen and his dad is a pro gamer that helped him get in the competitions

•Ben is a little brat and loves trash talking people

•Ben learned how to hack so even if he was losing he could just click a couple buttons and win.

•Ben is a big fan of Jeff’s music

______________________________________________

Laughing Jack and Laughing Jill -

•They are a twin trapeze act

•They are in a traveling Circus

•They often make jokes a lot so the ringmaster decided they should have Laughing Jack and Laughing Jill as their nicknames

•Laughing Jack loves to throw candy for the children when they are swinging all over the place.It often hits the kids in the face though lol.

•Laughing Jill also loves to dance

______________________________________________

Jason The Toymaker-

• he does all types of acrobatics

•He thinks that he is the best thing ever lol

•not much is known about him and no one even knows why he is as famous as he is ( probably some sort of controversial thing but like something dumb like him saying I’m better then *insert name* at this thing lol) ______________________________________________

CandyPop-

•An aerial dancer

•He just loves looking majestic lol

•Candypop has lots of energy and does hard tricks so fast it’s unbelievable

•Candypop jumps around before her gets on the silks and it’s so funny looking lol

•Candypop just love’s attention

______________________________________________

Bloody Painter-

•Bloody painter is a painter so creative lol

•Instead of painting with blood he uses regular paint. But the reason he is called blood painter is because he paints serial killers.

•Helen is really sweet but loves dark things

•Helen is quiet and often compliments other people’s work even if it isn’t that good. •Helen just appreciates other artists ☺️

______________________________________________

Homicidal Liu-

•Liu was taught piano by his mother

•Liu was going to join Jeff’s band but Jeff said no because he can’t play anything cool.

•Liu plays sad music ever since his Mom died from an unknown illness

•Liu loves his brother but has to give him realty checks a lot.

•Liu is older then Jeff but somehow he feels like he is always treated as lower by Jeff

______________________________________________

Lulu -

•Lulu loves being Jeff’s band but she thinks he is kinda rude

•Lulu is a really quiet person who is a bit of a people pleaser

•Lulu stays on Jeff’s good side because she enjoys seeing him happy.

•Nina hates Lulu

•Lulu is quiet off stage but when she is on the stage her voice is booming

•Lulu has a really pretty voice and sometimes Jeff gets a little jealous

______________________________________________

Brian and Tim-

•They are gay country boys and no one can tell me otherwise lol

•They sing lots of love songs

•They are little cuties

•Brian is a big goof and makes lots of jokes while Tim is just like really…….

•Tim secretly loves Brian’s humor

•Brian is a big flirt and it makes Tim blush

•Countryyyyy boyyyy Iiii lovvveeee youuu

songs similar to what they would sing-

•Johnny Cash - you are my sunshine

•Tonight I’m Garth Brooks- we shall be free

•Prisley Fields-Ride Me Cowboy ( Brian would definitely sing this lol)

______________________________________________

This is all I can think of for now let me know if you want a part two! If you have any suggestions, questions, or drawings requests! Love you all ❤️

[rubixkun]

Been looking through kazukibo art again (new fic has me hyped) and got a question. How'd you come up with the designs for the fan kids because I really like them. They have a nice mix of "clearly takes after their parents" but also enough of their own style to not make them feel like carbon copies. I usually avoid fan kid stuff because it does feel too much like carbon copies but yours are so well done so I'm curious.

kinda in a bad mood so I'm gonna ramble to help me feel better.

So the "Generation Xerox" trope is one that I never liked. To me, if you, I dunno, create a kid that's literally Makoto Naegi, except yas Kyoko's hair color, to me, that's lazy, and I don't want to be lazy with character design. That's also why you won't see me making characters with full on heterochromia. I've thought about, like, the Sondam daughter having partial heterochromia, like both eyes mostly blue but one eye has like a speck of gray in it.

Like why make a new character if they're going to be just like their parents with no change?

I also like playing around with combinations and how genetics could play into it. Though I don't strictly play by the rules of genetics. if I did, Hotaru would have black hair. And let's face it. Genetics are odd.

But then what about someone like Hikari? She has a lot of traits that look like Kyoko. I've even said as she gets older, she looks even more like Kyoko. How do I do it? Well for one I don't put a braid in her hair and call it done. Hikari's design comes from her personality. She's friendly, bubbly, and optimistic like Makoto. So I put in those details in a subtle manner through clothing, but also I make sure to draw her smile just like I draw Makoto's.

Some characters have also gone through multiple changes. Kazuki looked more like Makoto, Hikari changed like 4 times, Natsumi was a lot more boring on the design side of things. But this was when I wasn't really planning on doing anything with Kazukibou...it didn't even have that name yet. I just called it Next Gen.

But once I had their personalities figured out, it made designing easier. Natsumi being a loud in your face type helped shape the idea of the pink in her hair. Her outfit goes off the idea that she dresses nice like her father, but isn't all business like he is.

Hotaru is a tomboy who likes tinkering with stuff and low self-esteem. So play into that with baggy jeans and Kazuichi's old hat so she hides her face (in reality it's a comfort item).

Yes, Kazuki is a detective, but also leans more into being a teenager, so he's not going to wear his detective garb all the time. Okay fun fact, his vest was taken from a vest I have in real life. Only difference is his is blue and mine is gray. His old design felt plain so I wanted to add more colors.

And it's really trial and error and not being afraid to change something even if you already have a concept set in stone. People change their hair style all the time. People wear different outfits for different phases of life. Some people get glasses, some get contacts, and some even get Lasik.

It's also throwing stuff at a wall and seeing what sticks. Sometimes I look at pictures online and think "I like this and I want to use that in my work in my own way." Most of the time I don't know what I'm doing and sometimes I add things because I just like it.

For example, eventually as the new Naefiri baby grows up, he's gonna have glasses because I just want him to wear glasses.

But I dunno if any of this makes sense. I guess tldr I just want to put more effort into what I do.

[anhed-nia]

I have way too much shit to do over the next few days starting tonight, so yesterday I decided to stay on the couch and have cramps and vegetate and watch all the lady movies I've been sleeping on.

EILEEN is pretty much what I expected, it's good but not great and a little pretentious, but the character study with Thomasin McKenzie is really cool. Or maybe I just thought that because she reminded me so much of a close friend of mine that I just decided the movie was about my friend and it was more fun that way.

THE ASSISTANT was also about what I expected, good but not great and sort of predictable--although I like how it plays like a thriller even though what's happening is sadly mundane and unsurprising. That approach works pretty well for this movie.

THE SOUVENIR is not a masterpiece but very strong, and disturbing. One critic called it a type of horror film. Years ago I was in a version of the awful relationship at the heart of this movie, and although that guy didn't have the excuse of [SPOILER REDACTED], all of his behavior and its effects on me were basically the same. It could have literally been him on the screen. My viewing experience was pretty tainted by unpleasant, shameful flashbacks and although I'm confident in saying it's a good movie, it's hard for me to imagine what it's like to watch it if you don't connect it directly to your own biography. I'll just never know what it's like as a pure work of art.

The funny thing about THE SOUVENIR is that it has this weird Rotten Tomatoes ratio were the audience score is really low, I wonder what that's about. Maybe it's just one of those things where general audiences are more resistant to being Very Bummed Out than film critics and aficionados. Or maybe it's that dumb thing where audiences find the choices of the victimized protagonist too hard to relate to because of the media they've been trained on. I often notice this in discussions about horror movies where the characters are motivated by fear, hysteria, dissociation, incomprehension, and other totally normal responses to extreme experience, and shallow unimaginative viewers go "UGH why did she do THAT, THAT'S not what I WOULD DO," and not only is it exactly what they would do in an incomprehensible situation, but their basis of comparison is not even "rational behavior"; their basis of comparison is the behavior you see in THE BOURNE IDENTITY or something where the hero does everything perfectly all the time and because certain viewers are strongly pursuaded by inhuman perfection, they think that's the standard everyone should be meeting, that's what they think is "realistic". It's stupid and ignorant and egotistical, and it's actually part of my secret criteria for who I can and cannot be friends with.

But anyway that's kind of what THE SOUVENIR PART II is about, which has high ratings for both critics and audience. It is a better movie, to some degree, but it was extra fascinating to me because as the protagonist uses her senior film school project to do a post mortem on her awful relationship, she is confronted with the fact that nobody quite gets what the story is about because none of her cast or crew have been in her shoes and they find the whole thing unconvincing. They don't get why the heroine subjects herself to abuse, or how to humanize the guy who seems like a total monster. You know, why is she so weak, he's "obviously" bad, what is the logic of this situation? All this black and white, judgmental thinking from people who are lucky enough not to have had to live through such a thing. The truth is that the abusive relationships are sort of absurdist in nature, they don't play by the normal rules, even the laws of time and space bend around this black hole you're being sucked into, which the heroine finds out as she's trying to put scenes in order. Strong stuff.

THE SOUVENIR PART II reminded me of this great rant Joe Bob Briggs has about "strong female protagonists" that basically amounts to the idea that characters should be whoever they need to be to serve the story. They're not exemplars of some ideal state of existence for us all to emulate--I mean unless they are, but that's under fairly specific conditions. His example is always Laurie Strode, who is typically upheld as a Strong Female Protagonist even though she doesn't become that thing until years down the road; in the meantime, she is a completely normal person with anxieties and phobias and insecurities and perfectly rational responses to Michael Myers. And that's what makes her so relatable, not her perfection, but her humanity.

[EDIT: Pardon me if the tone of this is a little alien to this blog. I don't even know if it definitely is, or if anyone cares, but I couldn't figure out where to put this post because I don't post much autobiographical material here anymore and I try to make the content of this blog reasonably appropriate for colleagues to see in both tone and content (like this feels both too intimate and too casual to me). But, I also try to keep all my movie information over here, so this is what I picked. I'm sure this doesn't bother anyone but me, but I have to justify my own rule-breaking to myself in order to feel better, so there.]

[dr-spectre]

Hey Spectre, got a simple question for ya this time. Did you like either of the story book Sonic games?(I think that's what they were called. I'm talking about 7 Rings and The Black Knight)

Ah.... Sonic and the Secret Rings, and Sonic and the Black Knight huh. THOSE games hmm?

Well, i feel like these two games share the same positives and negatives. Both have really great narratives, presentation, music, art style, etc. But the gameplay is just.... Uh... Not the best the series can offer you know? To say it lightly....

Secret Ring's story is kinda crazy because it's actually about the toxic relationship between Shahra who is the guide of the game, and the villain Erazor Djin (yes that's his name). A Sonic the Hedgehog story actually being about an abusive relationship between two genies and Sonic helps Shahra overcome her troubles and eventually defeat Erazor Djin is crazy to me. I'm not joking around btw. And it's actually done very well and in a subtle way too...

The cutscenes too look phenomenal and hold up very well cause you know, it's just artwork and it looks DAMNNNN GOOD! The ost is just MMMMMM!!!! Look it up if you get the chance, it has a lot of vocal tracks and they are very catchy. Same with Black Knight.

However the gameplay.... oh man... Now look, i played this on the wii and didn't use a regular controller on dolphin. And let me tell ya, by the time the game was done, i was so happy it was over....

Sonic doesn't stop running and you control him by tilting the wii remote... Everything is shaking and tilting and sometimes it just does NOT work! The level design somewhat accommodates for it and you know what, sometimes the game can be.... fun... It's kind of a guilty pleasure for me but that doesn't mean it's a good game gameplay wise, hell naw. It sucks.

The final boss WILL hurt your arms and give you a damn good workout lmao. Also, you have to UNLOCK BETTER CONTROLS VIA AN RPG LEVELLING UP SYSTEM! WHY!?!? WHY DO I GOTTA UNLOCK BETTER TURNING AND EQUIP IT?!?!? If i have to slog through hours upon hours of grinding just to get better controls then I'm sorry, that's a bad game in my eyes tbh. I don't care if it "gets good after 20 hours." You can fuck off with that shit.

However Black Knight on the other hand, that's a pretty good game and i can say that with confidence. The story of Black Knight is even more crazy and surprisingly mature. It's about this clash of ideologies as Sonic believes that everything comes to an end, but it's about living life to the fullest in the time we have, to run head first to our problems and solve them before we die. To have fun and enjoy life before it's over. And the villain is scared of death and wants a world that lasts forever, so that flowers may never wither and that the kingdom the game takes place in won't come to ruin. Sonic can be seen as the bad guy of the story in a certain lens as if he wins, the kingdom WILL die. He even says himself "i don't mind playing the bad guy every once in a while." LIKE THAT IS SOOOOOO FUCKING RAWWW!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!

Sure the story rushed and short but... oh my god the story and fan service is truly amazing idc. It marked the end of an era, the end of the "dark age" of Sonic, before we got games like Colours, Generations, Lost World, Forces, Boom that took such a drastic turn in tone and got rid of the 4Kids cast of voice actors. This was the final time Sonic felt like it truly gave a shit about it's story and was made by people who cared and had something to say.... Well... until Frontiers of course.

Sonic's characterisation is some of the best it has ever been in both games. He's snarky, confident, energetic and cheeky, but he's also gentle, kind and loving. It's so well done.... literally the final line he says "Every world has it's end. I know that's kind of sad but... That's why we gotta live life in the fullest in the time we have. At least, that's what i figure." breaks me into tears every time i hear it... I'm not joking.

Black Knight also has moments where it plays certain themes from previous games when certain characters show up and that shit makes me grin ear to ear and laugh in autistic excitement i tell ya. Hearing It Doesn't Matter before Sonic takes on the final boss is so. DAMN. GOOD!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only other time i can recall getting giddy and excited over a Sonic game is... Frontiers? The first titan boss made me scream. I was screaming and in pure happiness. And the final boss from update 3.... Made me cry dude... But that's a topic for another day. i can go on and on about this blue rat....

Yeah Black Knight is a good game... but.... the gameplay is uh... just okay? It's not bad but it's not great either. I think what really kills the gameplay is that there isn't enough platforming in the levels and a lot of the sword moves kill Sonic's speed which makes the sword combat feel so sluggish and ughhhhh.

Also a big issue between both games that they have a mission system and not standard acts and it kills replayablity for me. If the games got remastered today and had 3 acts and a boss in each area it would be 10x better I'm telling you.

Anyways, yeah, the storybook games are awesome... aside from gameplay. I recommend only playing Black Knight and configuring it on dolphin to tie motion swings to button presses. And putting the pointer controls on the r stick as well.

Don't play Secret Rings unless you are a diehard Sonic fan and are curious to see the game.

[anxiouslittlecarrot]

I completely agree with your Barbie analysis. Growing up, I don't see Barbie as the bimbofied or being "too feminine". I saw her as being passionate and driven to achieve her goals no matter if she wants to be a princess or a musketeer. I saw her as being genuinely lovely and supportive of everybody as she did her best to ensure her team (no matter what movie) to also achieve their own dreams, all those teamwork and persistence finally payed off.

I used to wait until the ending of the movie to actually literally take a photo of the Barbie quote. (All I had was a camera back then hahah) Barbie literally changed my mindset that even I can achieve what I want without comprising my own identity.

The good ol’ days of physical cameras :’] That’s really cool! Barbie is a great character and honestly I didn’t realise that until six months ago.

I wasn’t like super into Barbie growing up. I had a few because people liked gifting them to me, and I did play with them, but I guess reading worked better for me as a form of escapism than playing. I also felt very self-conscious playing. I had a few VHSs in my father's place, Barbie Rapunzel, the Nutcracker, and Swan Lake, but I was sort of embarrassed of watching them around him. But I loved watching my aunt play with hers (she’s 5 years older, and had all the things).

As I grew, I became more and more embarrassed of being a girl, of my curves, of my existence. Obviously this common demeaning of femininity had a lot to do with it, and my father’s attitude as well. I needed to be strong and I didn’t want to be objectified and started to reject all that was feminine and bury myself under clothes. Also, I was an emokid, so a lot of black and sadness inside, not much space for pink confidence. At the start of my teen years I began to absorb the critiques on Barbie; they dressed themselves as intellectualism, so of course I would.

The Barbie message is exactly what I needed and didn’t get.

But when I started design school, I met my best friend and she is the most Barbie-Sharpay Evans-Elle Woods person to ever exist. She loves pink, her house is pink, and she’s confidence itself. Besides, by studying in an art building you start to get in touch with the nuances and importance of real feminism, body positivity, body neutrality, unconditional respect, bodily autonomy, etc. So I started to make peace with femininity again.

I only became an actual Barbie stan last september. We had to pick a brand for a class project so I picked Barbie because I thought it’d be fun and did a deep dive on the history to begin with. And BOY, was I pleasantly surprised! I'm no expert, but I am a fan now.

I would never say she has been stellar in all representation facets since 1959, absolutely not! I myself am a 1,51m tall latina, I have brown eyes, brown curly hair I straightened from 11 to 19 years old… I never felt represented in her, but the actual problem was that I didn’t feel represented anywhere else either. Barbie can be incredible in some aspects and fall short in others, those things can be true at the same time. Besides, it’s okay for a thing to not cover absolutely all bases, we really need to take it easy. The point of her is "hey, you can be pink AND president, if you want to". And that's still revolutionary. She's actually a really great character, with really great messages.

We give Barbie way more grief than she deserves.

[refractaling]

if you create, you're an artist

we're starting to write our teaching philosophies in my art education class rn so excuse me while i go on a little bit of a ramble

I am a firm believer in the fact that anyone can be an artist. If you find joy and purpose in what you make, congrats! You're an artist. I don't care if it's a huge realism painting that could rival the Mona Lisa, a crochet blanket project you made as a gift, a lopsided bowl you made in ceramics, or even a throwaway doodle on a napkin at a restaurant. If you made it, and you found joy in it, it's art in my eyes and you're an artist.

I've had family members try and argue with me that art is some magical talent people are born with and they'd never be able to obtain the level of skill that I'm at. I say "not with that attitude." I believe that with the right tools and access to learning, anyone can learn to create. You can learn to draw, to paint, to knit, or crochet. You can learn ceramics and sculpting. You can learn. It takes a lot of practice and time to become a "master" at it, but that's how any skill works. I didn't pop out of the womb holding a paint brush and pallete and immediately be able to produce fully rendered semi-realistic paintings like I can now. Hell, I couldn't even do that a few years ago! It took most of my life messing around and practicing to get anywhere near as good as I am now. And guess what? I'm still learning and practicing. But we all start somewhere. It's the passion to create and the tools made available to us that allow us to thrive and grow as artists.

Sure, to some extent I know that some people are able to see color in different ways or have a better imagination. But if you don't, that doesn't mean you can't do art. Literally everyone sees the world differently. Some people are more go-with-the-flow thinkers, while some are more analytical. Some people jump right into an art project with no plan, others plan things out down to every single brush stroke. Maybe that means you don't do art as a career, but that doesn't mean you're not an artist. You can be both a lawyer and an artist, a doctor and an artist, a mathematician and an artist, a cashier and an artist. You can be anything and an artist.

Another thing about art is how many options there are. Painting, ceramics, print making, jewelry making, sculpture, photography, digital art, knitting. The list goes on and within those categories, there's more categories! For example, painting can be broken down into so many different types of paint: oil, acrylic, watercolor, gauche, and probably more. But my point is, if one medium doesn't work for you, there's a ton more options to pick from. That's the beauty of art. Let's say you're really struggling with painting realism. Proportions and colors just are lining up the way you want. You can't get the right angle and nothing looks right. Well, before you throw everything down in frustration and quit all art forever... might I suggest photography? Using a camera would allow you to still play with angles and color (or even black and white) while keeping those proportions just the way you want. You could explore different lens types or mess around with film. It's a whole new medium to explore. Or if you want to give painting another shot, there's a way to take photos and make an exact copy of said photo using grid lines on to a canvas to keep those same proportions. And color mixing can be thought of like a science in a way.

Anyways, do you see what I'm getting at?

There's many different ways to approach the teaching of art to make it accessible and fun. So even if you think you can't do it, a good teacher will help you find a way that makes sense.

Art is so versatile and there's literally no wrong answers or any wrong way to do it. It's all subjective. It's all open ended. It's meant to be fun and a way for people to express themselves, connect to others, and communicate without even speaking a word. There's an infinite amount of ways to play with mediums in art. You can start whenever and however you want. With enough time and practice you can make what you want. And if you're hesitant to start on the grounds of thinking you're not an artist I'm here to tell you that you're wrong.

Anyone can be an artist.

[pitchyzzsim]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

Are you named after anyone? : My first name is a combination of my mom's and dad's names so It's quite unique and people really have trouble pronounced it. lol

When was the last time you cried? : Literally a minute ago. :')

Do you have kids? : No and never.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? : A lot but not in the mean way but when I chat with friends.

What sports do you play, or have you played? : I used to play badminton but I think It's been 6-7 years now that I stopped.

What’s the first thing you notice about other people? : I usually notice their eyes and teeth first.

Scary movies or happy endings? : Depend on the type of the stories, I like psychological horror but I'm not a very big fan of monster or ghost type horror. Happy ending is great but I would love sad happy ending like Jojo Rabbit. I literally can't choose lol but I think It's Scary movie.

Any special talents? : I draw and I know a lot of useless facts about ants and animals. I also recognize flag by glance but If you asked me what is this country's flag looks like, Idk just randomly know it.

Where were you born? : I'm from South East Asia lol that's all I can tell.

What are your hobbies? : I draw a lot and I like to read webtoons. I love music, music is my life.

Do you have any pets? : I had 4-5 cats in my lifetime and 2 dogs. Now I just feed strays around my house.

How tall are you? : 155 cm. Yes, I'm a goblin.

Favorite subject in school? : English, Science(only if it about biology), History and Art.

Dream job? : Just independently wealthy. omg I wish...

Eye color? : Black. Not even dark shade of brown, just black.

Thanks @simsdastra for tagging me! I have so much fun answering all of these!

Since I don't know a lot of people so I'll not tag anyone but if you're interest, feel free to play this!!