#I literally love colds they’re so fucking sexy

[2hightocare]

TUTUS AND TIARAS!

Synopsis— What Iseul says Jungkook does, besides tutus and tiaras are not that bad…

“Did Iseul lose a tooth? Why is Kook dressed as the tooth fairy?”

pairings: dilf!jungkook x fem!oc

genre: found family! married au!

warnings: just super cute fluff, Jungkook literally doing anything Iseul tells him to do, cuss words, mentions of sex.

a/n: I missed writing their lil family :( welcome Jia to the family!! I love them so much… I hope you guys do too🥹

“Let’s be honest, I look sexy as fuck.” Your husband runs his hand over his body; a snort escapes past your lips, which gets glared at in return from Jungkook who’s in a pink tutu and pink tiara he stole from Iseul.

“Not only is he full of himself, but he’s delusional as fuck as well… great.” Ari shakes her head, as you take a picture secretly beside her with Iseul and Ye Joon clapping their hands happily on your lap.

Jungkook’s Calvin Klein boxers are visible to everyone in the room; the only thing barely covering him is the very small pink tutu that his daughter put on him, and she didn’t have to ask twice; everyone knew anything Iseul wanted she got. The small charm necklace lays tightly on his neck like a choker, shirtless, his tattoos in full display, the tiny tiara sits prettily on his messy hair.

“I can a hundred percent see your balls.” Hoseok sighs, as he rubs a hand through his hair. Giving his girlfriend a small tight-lip smile, which might translate as an apology for dragging her into this little family dynamic.

Jia still remembers meeting all of you on Christmas Eve dinner; to say she felt immediately welcomed was somewhat calming to her. She usually took super long to trust someone and open up, but meeting all of you sent her a sense of comfort whenever she was in everyone’s presence.

“Okay, I feel like I need to warn you before opening the door…” Hoseok softly chuckles, which causes steam to come out of his mouth from how cold it was.

Jia raises an eyebrow, “are they that bad?” She asks.

“Nothing to be scared of; they just love really hard…” He smiles at his girlfriend, who only nods in return, slightly feeling nervous since she knew that whoever was behind that door meant so much to the boy she had fallen in love with. “And besides, they are a little crazy too…” he shrugs before clicking on the doorbell to your and Jungkook’s house.

Hoseok moves the container full of chocolate chip cookies cut into cute Christmas decorations to his other hand, then takes Jia’s hand right after squeezing softly.

The door opens as you stand happily behind it; eyes lighting up when you see the couple in the entrance. “Hi! Happy Christmas Eve!” You quickly hug Hoseok, which he returns, wrapping his arms around your frame giving your back a small pat before separating.

“And you must be Jia, you’re prettier in person.” You open your arms before throwing yourself into a hug without thinking. Without a second thought, Jia hugs back.

“Come in; everyone is already here, we’re just waiting for Seokjin and Lora.” You part away from Jia, who’s smiling back at you before following behind you inside.

“Y/n said you had to share!” A boy throws himself onto the raven boy who’s hovering over the last cookie pack; he has been hiding from everyone. “Okay and? This is the last pack!” He shouts back as they both tackle on the couch, the cookie pack flying onto the floor.

“I’ve got a hundred on Kookie; who’s in?” The blonde girl says as she chews on the cookies from the packet that they’re fighting for.

“Done betting on Jungkook after No Nut November, thousand-dollar mistake. Motherfucker couldn’t last twenty-four hours.” Another guy comes in from the back and sighs loudly as the blonde girl nods before passing the pretty girl beside her a cookie.

Jia couldn’t explain how her body and mind instantly relaxed after witnessing the whole situation unfolding in front of her; she saw how you quickly intervened, separating the two boys before giving the raven boy with a tattoo sleeve a swat before snatching the cookie pack from the two girls’ reach and walking back to her.

She watched as the blonde girl passed a hundred bucks to a boy on her right. Before turning their attention to her.

“Hi, I’m Eunbi!” The blonde girl smiled warmly, “Happy Christmas Eve! I’m Ari.” The other girl beside her says, standing up and coming Jia’s way for a hug. “We’re huggers here!” Ari giggles.

“Taehyung,” He goes in for a hug as well, “I’m Jimin!” The boy who was just hovering over Jungkook smiles softly at Jia, going in for a hug as well.

“Jeon Jungkook, extrovert, DILF extraordinaire.” He says standing next to you, wrapping his arm around your waist. “This motherfu…” You groan alongside everyone. “Here he goes again,” “He’s not allowed to introduce himself anymore.” “Can we throw him away?” All of them mutter under their breaths.

“Please ignore him; I’m y/n and I’m stuck with him for the rest of my life.” You roll your eyes as you motion to the guy beside you.

“You sure as hell are.” He puffs,

“Stop looking at my balls!” Jungkook covers his lower part with his hand before shouting, “Tae come out now!”

That’s when everyone gasps loudly, his wife’s jaw dropping to the floor sending Jimin into a fit of laughter. “And I thought Jungkook’s outfit was bad; I can’t! Someone record this shit right now.” Jimin laughs, throwing his head back as he clutches his stomach.

“Sending this to the family group chat ASAP; I need to see what Lora got to say about this.” You laugh as you take a picture of your husband and Taehyung side by side, Jungkook smiling with two thumbs up while Taehyung holds his balls tightly.

Taehyung stands beside your husband in a pair of pink leotards and sheer stockings a little too small for his large figure and has his two hands in front of his private parts. “It’s up my ass I’m afraid…” Taehyung states which sends the group into a large fit of laughter, the kids who suggested the fashion show are currently giggling and clapping their hands non-stop for their daddies.

“Take it off! I can’t breathe..” Ari clutches her stomach as she presses her legs together, as she’s about to pee herself. A loud ding is heard from everyone’s phones, “Lora said, ‘I didn’t know Tae took ballet classes?’ ‘Did Iseul lose a tooth? Why is Kook dressed as the tooth fairy?” You read out loud laughing between words.

“Oh, she’s so real,” Jia says between laughs as she watches Taehyung waddle away with Jungkook running behind him.

“I can’t believe I’m tied to this family for the rest of my life.” Eunbi fake wipes her tears as she sniffles, before snatching Jimin’s last cookie.

“Dada!!” Iseul says loudly when Jungkook comes back running down the stairs with a new cookie packet, “hi my baby” Jungkook’s eyes widened as he picks Iseul up from your lap and showering her cheeks with wet kisses. Iseul giggles in his arms trying to push him away.

“The day when Iseul grows up and doesn’t want Jungkook’s kisses—“ Yoongi tries saying, “I’m not listening, I’m not listening.” Jungkook starts screaming, sending Ye Joon and Iseul into a giggling mess as they both put their hands over their ears, copying him.

You watch with a big smile on your face. You truly had no idea how you ended up sitting on this couch surrounded by the people that you loved more than anything else in the world. You watch your husband with your daughter in his arms as he passes Iseul half of a cookie before going back to arguing with Yoongi about how Iseul will one day grow up, and she’ll be her own person that one day won’t ever listen to her dad ever again.

“In fact, Iseul might grow up before you do,” Taehyung says, patting Jungkook’s back as he walks beside him. The tights and leotard long discarded and replaced with jeans and a shirt before dropping in the middle of you and his wife on the couch, putting his arm around Ari.

“I’m done with all of you! Everyone out!” Jungkook pouts, pointing to the door. “You for real ain’t kicking us out?” Hoseok questions, laughing only to be met with a serious look on Jungkook’s face.

“Out. I’m trying to fuck my wife.” Jungkook says casually, not before covering Iseul’s ears.

And without a second thought, everyone stood up, collected their things, and made their way to the door. “Oh, we’re actually leaving?” Jia asks, confused about why everyone is suddenly in a rush to leave.

“You weren’t here at the time, but Halloween night… let’s just say party, bathroom, Y/N, and Jungkook.” Eunbi shivers from the memory.

And with that, everyone leaves, leaving you on the couch chuckling, and Jungkook locking the door behind them with Iseul in his arms. “Did you just say that so they could leave?” You stand up, making your way to him, wrapping your arms around his neck as he puts Iseul down, and she waddles away with Bam, your guy’s Doberman puppy.

“No, I’m actually trying to fuck,” Jungkook shrugs, leaving a wet kiss on your neck. “Iseul?” You ask, trying to push him away.

“Princess! Nap time!” He untangles himself from you before rushing to get Iseul.

[toji-bunny-girl]

𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐓✩’𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓

CHARACTERS— Santa!Gojo Satoru x pretty sexy gorgeous fem!reader SUMMARY— Supposedly another Christmas night being lonely and horny, you’re suddenly woken up by Santa coming to claim you your Christmas gift. WORD COUNT— 3k+ CONTENT WARNING— slight angst, swearing, smut, porn with plot, virginity lost, fingering, clit sucking, oral sex, no protection A/N— Merry Christmas, my fellow bitchless angels 😔 Ya’ll better not let this shit flop or else I’m going insane. btw guys God literally told me face-to-face that my dog is cuter than your pet 😨 it’s true tho

“So,” your co-worker, Mina started as she haled the roll-up gate down, flipping her long extensions behind her shoulder before grabbing the lock from your extended hand, “got any plans this Christmas?”

“I don’t know…I’ll probably go out with my friends to the new cat cafe. You?” you watched as her fingers worked deftly to lock the gate before trying to pull it open in an attempt to make sure she got it locked.

“Kai wants to visit Ginzan Onsen, said it’ll be the best place to ‘make love’ or something. I mean, long story short he thinks it’s a cute place to fuck,” Mina apprised, always a little bit too forward with her wordings—her bold personality and style amolous from yours.

Albeit she’s amiable and kind, you still couldn’t quite get used to her blatant forwardness despite working with her for the past 5 months. And Mina loved teasing you about how sensitive you are; already blushing from the mere word ‘fuck’.

“Look at how cute you are, (Y/N). Your face is starting to get red!” she giggled, pointing as you hit her arm, feeling your cheeks warming against the cold winter air. “You know, they say the shy-est are usually the kinkiest…”

“Just leave me alone, Mina!” you embarrassingly whined, slapping a palm over her glossed lips before pushing her away. She lets out a few satisfied laughs before raising her hands up in capitulation, already knowing when to stop before you get irritated at her.

“Alright, I’m sorry, ‘kay baby?” she cooed, plump lower lips jutting out into a pout as she wrapped her arms around your waist.

“You keep teasing me,” you frowned and pushed her stubborn hands off of you before you began walking towards the train station.

“Cuz’ you’re so cute. You’re always acting like such a virgin,” her arm hung over your shoulders and your body sunk forward at the sudden weight.

“Now, is there a problem with that…” you spoke lowly, flickering your sight towards her, wary of her reaction.

“You cannot be shitting me?!” Mina widened her eyes, two elder couples turning their attention on her egregious tone, “I mean like, look at you! You’re so pretty and such a good girl. Who wouldn’t want you?! I want you!”

“I don’t know…I just haven’t met the one.”

“There’s tons of guys who want you, (Y/N)! You gotta be a little bold, get out of your shell if you wanna meet ‘your one’.”

“Man…I just wish someone perfect for me who isn’t a creep would come to me,” you sighed, your hand holding onto Mina’s dangling one over your neck. Nearing the station, you could see Kai, her boyfriend already waiting by the entrance for her—probably heading to dinner together later on.

“You’ll find one for sure,” she glanced at you, a bright reassuring smile on her face, and you returned her one before feeling the weight on your shoulders lifted when she pulled her arm away, then waved at Kai.

“So, how was work today?” the male strode over, his two hands reaching out to hold Mina’s from the pockets of his coat before turning to greet you.

“It’s fine, lots of couples today,” she replied, following as you passed the ticket gate and rode the escalator up to the platform. “And as usual, we got a few single lads asking for our pretty girl’s Line today.”

“Yeah, and you forgot to add that they’re either delinquents or high school boys,” the two couples chortled as you sighed, tired of how you’re always attracting guys who are definitely not your type.

“We’re gonna have to get security for our candy shop because of our (Y/N), huh?” Mina joked, nudging Kai’s side with her shoulder as you rolled your eyes.

Within seconds, the bells signaling the coming arrival of the train started, the train announcer apprising the next destination as Shinjuku-sanchōme—20 minutes until you reach your home station.

“Sorry, (Y/N). Kai and I are gonna ride another train to Shinbashi so we can’t go in with you,” the train had arrived and the doors slid open as workmen and women surged in like sea waves.

“No, no! It’s fine. Happy holidays, guys,” you smiled as you began to follow the crowd into the half-packed train.

“Merry Christmas, (Y/N)!” the two bid, Mina waving all the while.

“Enjoy your trip to Ginzan, you two!” you giggled, slightly waving back before jumping onto the train just as its doors began to slide close. The smell of heater and sweat filled your nose and as you swiftly scanned your sight around, you saw most smiling at their phones, probably texting their loved ones, and a few couples giggling in their seats.

Another lonely Christmas, you thought.

Your stomach was growling as you prowled the streets for the nearest convenience store. The sky was already blanketed with darkness and you thought visiting any restaurant would only mount your forlornness, so you figured a quick meal from the store would do for your hunger.

The luminously salient sign of your local convenience store caught your eyes from a distance away, and you hurriedly scorched towards the store. Entering, the cashier greeted you when the automated door slid open with a ding to announce your presence, and you nodded your head with a smile before trodding your way to the back where packed bentos were.

Your eyes raked over the bentos, looking for your favourite Katsudon to find it absent from the display. A surge of annoyance rose in you as your brow knitted into a frown, ‘Can’t even have my Katsudon, huh?’. Grabbing the nearest bento instead, you made your way to the cashier while rummaging through your bag for your wallet.

“Do you want your bento heated up, miss?” the male mooted, a serviceable smile on his face. He caught your affirmative hum before setting the food in the microwave, and silence then transpired between the two of you.

The smell of the heating fried rice pervaded through the air in the wake of the anticipated ‘ding’. The cashier took out the bento and wrapped it in a plastic bag before handing you both the plastic and a card, “Thank you for your purchase, and Merry Christmas!”

You thanked the male and claimed your things before heading out of the store with another ‘ding’, throwing the card into the plastic bag and burying your hands deep in the warmth of your pockets.

What seemed to be your wontedly peaceful route back home suddenly became a path of silent lonesomeness. At that moment, you must be colder than anyone else in Japan. While they have the love and heat of a lover to warm them up—you had no one but yourself.

The walk home was longer than usual and you immediately turned on the heater when you entered your apartment, feeling your limbs beginning to numb. Taking out a few beer cans from the fridge, you set them on the small chabudai along with your cooling packed dinner—ready to scarf down your meal.

It took you an empty bento box and two beer cans to notice the Christmas card the cashier gave you on the wooden floor, probably dropped when you took the packaged meal out of the plastic bag. You could feel yourself getting tipsy as the alcohol set in your veins, rushing to your brain and making it all light and woozy.

“Christmas…Wish?” you read the bold, cursive title aloud, eyes absorbing the contents on the card.

Write a wish on this card and Santa shall grant what you seek!

Aren’t these for kids or something? Why would the cashier give you something like this? It’s obviously fake, but for you to think of a wish…you would love to be a millionaire. Or a billionaire. Or have a pet cat. Or…

Heading to your bedroom to get your pen, you trodded back to the chabudai where the card was, taking your time to ruminate on what to write just for the fun of it. Perhaps it was the alcohol thumping in your pulse, absorbing whatever sense you have in your head as it passed your bloodstream—you found yourself injudiciously scribbling something you normally wouldn’t.

Lose my virginity. 

Fire popped beneath the skin of your cheeks as you stared at the piece of card with your writing on it. “I must have gotten insane…” you sighed, rubbing your eyebrows.

Maybe a wash would clear your head, you thought. The beer was making you drowsy and you’d better have an early night. You don’t take long with your shower and you were quick to set your things aside and take out the trash.

It was only 10 but you’ve already settled yourself in your bed, sleepiness blanketing over your head. Your eyelids began to shut, sending you to an abyss of peace and dream.

Then, there was shuffling. And mumbles.

Your consciousness drew back to reality and through your dazed state—you tried to make sense of the noises. Until you began to sober up, there was no one but you in your apartment. No pets nor roommates to be making up all these sounds.

“Who’s there?” you panicked, straining your eyes through the dark, to find a tall silhouette in your room. A sense of aghast rumbled through your being and a shriek ripped itself out of your throat.

You fumbled for something from your bedside table to act as a weapon, and the most threatening object there was was your lamp. At least you could smash it against the intruder and bolt out of your apartment for help.

And as you tried to rip the lamp’s cord out of the socket, its light turned on—revealing the stranger to be…Santa?

“(Y/N), is it?” the male chuckled, rubbing his nape.

“Who are you?!” you screamed, pointing the lamp at him. “Get out of my house, please!”

“Just relax, man. I’m Santa, here to grant you your Christmas wish!”

“Look, I’m just a broke college student! I-I don’t have anything with me. Just leave and I won’t call the cops,” you tried to reason, already starting to break down into hiccups and tears

“Well, I'm sorry. It’s my policy to not leave a house unless I’ve successfully fulfilled one’s desires. So, I won’t be leaving anytime soon!”

“W-What…?” you were beyond dumbfounded, trying to make sense of the random lunatic standing in your room.

“This,” he pointed at the card from the convenience store. “Here, your wish says…to lose your virginity,” the male cladded in his Santa suit bemusedly read aloud.

“No…! I wrote that as a joke!”

“Well, I don’t take Christmas wishes as a joke,” he lifted an eyebrow, resting his hands on his hips.

“Just cut it out, Santa isn’t real,” you retorted, tightening your grip on the handle of the lamp.

“But I am real,” his voice suddenly became closer, and more lucid, his frame had disappeared from your sight—as if he was suddenly gone and had dissipated into space. Whipping your head behind, you found him just there and a scream cracked out of your lungs as you tumbled out of your bed.

“H-How…Wha—“

“I can teleport, y’know?” he smiled, reaching out a hand to pull you up from the floor. “And I can make anything out of thin air,” his other hand rose to have a random Dior bag in his grasp as you stared, shocked and finding it hard to register the scene in front of you.

“So, you’re really…Santa Claus?”

“Yes, and my real name’s Gojo Satoru—at your service,” he slurred, and you found his voice smooth like freshly woven silk. You were silent and still, eyes widening at the white-haired male in front of you. “Speaking of your Christmas wish…”

Your face burst into florid red as you awkwardly laughed, “Could you please just forget about that?”

“Now, if you’ve read carefully; no changing or refusing of wishes once you’ve written ‘em down,” he pointed at the small text at the bottom of the card, “You must’ve missed it just now.”

Thinking over the situation, something in you cracked as you realised—you were going to lose your virginity to Santa Claus. Your eyelids twitched as you nervously chuckled. This gotta be a heck of a joke. 

“Hey, don’t underestimate me!” Gojo had caught your expression, and as if he was reading your thoughts, his eyebrows knitted into a frown.

“T-Then what are we supposed to do now?” you asked, switching your gaze away and feeling hot embarrassment tickling your skin.

“No need to worry,” Gojo gave a reassuring smirk, “just trust me.”

Alright, trust.

You felt the bed shift with his weight, and he was hovering over you—face mere inches away. His eyes seemed to sparkle like those of a diamond; blue stars orbiting in his orbs, and you note the plump shape of his lips, so visually kissable.

For the second time, as if he had caught your thoughts, he let his lips mould into yours. He felt soft and plump like peach, and he smelled like a merge of snow and warmth.

Your lips danced in the dark, and your body leaned forward towards him as he fell back, something about the kiss was unbreakable. It felt so soft, it felt so good.

You let his hands wander around your curves from underneath your pyjamas, meet the shape of your hips and dips of your waist, then the roundness of your breasts. You let him study your body with the cold tips of his fingers and slip your clothes off when he wanted to.

A soft moan slipped out of your tongue when the cold December air hit your nipples, and Gojo took no time to let his tongue play with your buds. His hands continued to roam around your body, pressing a finger against the wet spot through your pants.

“You fine with this?” he pointed at the way his fingers slid over your clothed core. You wordlessly nodded, drifting your sight away before you felt yourself benignly pushed onto your back, your pants slowly slipping off of your legs along with your panties.

You were bare, in front of a man you’ve met tonight. But at the same time, you felt oddly safe with him. This was only a wish come true and nothing more, you affirmed.

His long fingers began to reach deep inside, and your nerves tingled at where they caressed your walls. His pace switched after a few pumps and his fingers were dextrously pistoning in and out of your cunt. You could hear your erotic slick coating his digits as it follows his rhythm, and your cheeks burn hot in shyness.

His face lowered to your pussy, and his tongue began playing with your clit. A sharp mewl escaped from your lips as his cheeks hallowed from sucking on your nub and his fingers paced up over the gummy spot deep inside.

Pleasure began amassing in your nerves and you could feel yourself brimming over the edge of lucidity. Gojo didn’t stop and instead, fastened his digits in and out of you, the sound of sex was loud through your state of delirium and he was coaxing all the pleasure there was in you.

Then, you spilled. Your thighs tightened around his head, fingers gripping onto his white locks as you’re sent to a world of blank bliss. Gojo peeks up at you as you pause with your lips parted, edges of eyebrows sewn to the stars, and half a wail stayed choked in your throat.

“You alright?” he chuckled, raising his upper body to your blushed face. You didn't say a word and drove your tongue into his mouth, arms locking him closer to you. The shared heat between your two bodies warmed the air around you, and you thought maybe that’s what it feels like to have a lover.

“Yeah,” you breathed, still ever so shy yet for once, a daring timbre crawled through your tone. “I think I’m ready…”

“If princess wants it,” his lips crack into a smile against yours, pants pulled down and hand pumping his length, fat tip lined against your entrance. Peeking down, regret almost settled into your being when you saw his size. Would it fit?

Then, he saw you and reassured you that he would go slow. No need to worry and to trust. So, you did. Bashfully spreading your thighs open for him.

Your muscles squeezed when he first entered, and he let out a long groan with a pause to his hips. It took a few seconds until he began to move, this time with a thumb rolling your clit to loosen your grip. Every inch of his cock stretched into your cunt made you go almost insane—the pain that first came was soon replaced with a delicate buzz of pleasure.

His hips were slow to thrust at first, gentle and soft until your walls had adjusted to his girth. Your little moans began to fill the chilly air when he slowly started to quicken up, and the bed began to squeak along with his rhythm.

“You look so pretty, y’know?” like silk, slinking through the hot air and into your ears. Every time his curved tip kisses your G-spot, you feel blank—blank of pleasure and stimulation. He could see it in your face, always able to read your features so well.

“Mmhp—” you let out a moan when he pulled your hips closer to him, fucking deep into your squelching cunt. Your back arched from the way his cock rubbed against your walls, hands over your mouth to muffle your whines.

“I wanna hear your pretty moans, (Y/N),” Gojo teased, softly leading your hands into his before fucking himself harder, deeper inside of you.

“Nngh! Feels s-so good—haa!” your hips began to move with his, legs hugging him closer to you and the world seemed to be on vertigo. Pleasure pervaded through every single cell in your body and your blood was pumping loud in your ears. “Please, I wanna cum!”

“Whatever princess says,” you could hear the smirk in his quivering tone, and with a few deep thrusts, the coil inside of your womb snapped—and your essence wet his thighs; your shaky moans high-pitched and sharp. “Yeah, pretty girl. Just like that.”

Static shot through your nerves, and your clit throbs against the hot air. Gojo let a thumb circle your nub, rubbing it through your climax as your nails sink into the skin of his arm. You could feel the warm mix of cum slipping out of your lips, running down your skin and into the bedsheet.

Once again, you felt the bed shift, and the warmth that held you lifted away. Through your hazy sight, you saw his figure rising, “Merry Christmas, pretty.”

@coolpizzazonkplaid @byhuenii @idkmanimreallysleepy @stainednailpolishremover @jxnyi @peachtreexoxo @yaygurist @lalaloverss @aexlime @naruucore @sathavious @guillermowhatwedointheshadows @mistygrovesarchive @glittercums @altmoo @lollixgoddess @victoriak01 @kimminjulvr @ghostlyluminarycloud @satorminniett @someonewhotendstowrite @buhdussy @ichirasblog @kokomisworld @magiouu @bobbicore @xxshiino @urmommyzhot @jjkwhor3 @erostaeyong @tojisprincesa @edgyficuselastica @clemianna @fromthechaoticmind @idkcoolise @fallinlovewithbeelzebub @sirshitsalot12 @kuraa01 @awyunh @lxvegojo

[s-brant]

okay for my steve girlies i’m just having some thoughts abt him as a boyfriend rn that i cannot get out of my head so you’ll have to put up with this.

as a partner i feel like he’d be the most touchy person on the face of the earth. constantly having his hands on you in a casual way whether it be holding hands, pulling you onto his lap to sit there even when there’s a spot open right next to him, standing behind you with an arm wrapped around you, playing with your hair/clothes/jewelry, and so on. he’s probably very touch-starved so i feel like he would be on you 24/7 and very shameless in terms of PDA because he’s just dying to have someone to love. robin and dustin would fake gag in the background but he could care less. also he gives me the vibes of someone who is just constantly warm. like the human incarnation of a furnace, so cozy and inviting in terms of cuddling.

boyfriend steve in season two was very cute to me (i.e: him coming to apologize with flowers even though he literally didn’t even know what he was sorry for because she was the one who hurt him, trying to cut her off when she was drinking too much/take care of her) so i can only imagine he’d be an even sweeter boyfriend in the later seasons with his character growth. i picture him being chivalrous for some reason, like always opening the car door for you, wordlessly taking off his jacket to put it over your shoulders when it’s cold and you stubbornly didn’t wear one, and not wanting you to pay for dinner even though his salary at family video is probably not that great. long story short he is a simp and very romantic. i feel like that’s just canon at this point but i digress.

anyway for the sexy stuff you’re gonna have to go under the cut

okay here we GO

i personally feel, despite my love for the kinkier fics, that steve is pretty vanilla in bed. at least, until he’s exposed to something new by a partner? like i feel that he would be open to trying certain things with you because duh you’re you and he loves you and why wouldn’t he wanna try slightly freaky shit with you, but it’s not something he just thinks up himself if that makes sense? but that doesn’t mean he can’t rock your world, let’s be 100% clear on that. this man eats pussy like it’s a five course meal and i will die on that hill. he’d get so into it, his eyes would close and he’d make soft little noises into you every time you pull on his hair UGH. you sitting on his face is probably his favorite thing you two have ever done because, honestly, suffocation between your thighs is a great way to go as far as he’s concerned.

also, it’s canon at this point that he’s hung right? did that originate from joe keery’s bulge in those tight ass vintage levi’s? probably, but it’s a steve thing now and i wholeheartedly agree with the fandom’s unanimous decision that he has unparalleled big dick energy. that being said, i also feel like he knows how to use it. a lot of well endowed guys aren’t that great because they’re like “oh i have big dick so sex with me is good already and i don’t need to do anything” but steve is a ladies man. he knows what he’s doing, and he doesn’t even need the buffer of kinks and shit to fuck you stupid. and he would be soooo cocky about it. i feel like he would be into degradation and dumbification a bit. he loves the fact that you are basically rendered useless when he’s fucking you open with his thick cock, caging you in with his arms by your head and cooing at you while the room is filled with the wet sound of him pounding into you. the filthiest he gets is whispering stuff like, “look at you. hardly even fucked you yet and you’re already a dumb little slut for me, huh?” like he can get nasty but i feel like it wouldn’t go far beyond dirty talk like that.

then there comes the hopeless romantic in him that cannot resist the opportunity to make love to you. i fully believe he is one of the people who seeks out that type of intimacy more often than the type in the paragraph above simply because he is so needy to be loved. his parents literally have never been in the show and never seem to care, he hasn’t had a steady girlfriend since nancy, and he doesn’t exactly get affection from other people in his life, so he would be absolutely insatiable with you.

his favorite kind of lovemaking is that slow, barely conscious morning sex when the two of you wake up right as the sun’s rising and he is faced with the realization of how much he loves you in those quiet moments. he’d be so sleepy, most of his weight would be let go if he’s on top of you, but you don’t even care because you’re caught on that hazy line between being asleep and awake as well, and the pleasure of him fucking you is heightened by it. it’d be full of sloppy kisses and heavy-lidded eye contact, both of your noses brushing with every deep thrust he makes into you. sometimes you’re on top though, and for those times he’ll just wrap his arms around your back to pull you down so you’re chest to chest while you do the work, albeit very lazily, and enjoy the sight of you. his favorite position for this lazy morning sex is when he’s spooning you tho. it happens the most often anyway, when he wakes up hard and naturally starts grinding into you from behind, which then escalates as normal. he’d keep a hand on your face to keep it turned for him to kiss your mouth and cheek though. just because he’s behind you doesn’t mean he won’t long to see your face and kiss you during.

i also feel like there would be a natural dominance to him that’s unrelated to any actual bdsm or dom/sub thing but rather his default disposition with you. he could definitely get down with being in a more submissive position sometimes and allow you to take care of/worship him—which would probably leave him with teary eyes by the end because of how overwhelming it is—but he gives me a lot of casually dominant energy. he loves sneaking into your bedroom in the middle of the night and fucking you with a hand over your mouth right across the hall from where your parents are sleeping, whispering to you that you have to be quiet and good. he also loves manhandling you, it turns him on unlike anything else to just toss you down on his bed and rip your clothes off because he can hardly wait to be inside of you. it’s also little sfw things like knowing what you like from your favorite take out place so he just orders for you or stopping to tie your shoe when it comes undone because he just loves taking care of his girl in the most innocent ways as well as a sexually.

he has a breeding kink by the way. it’s not something he acknowledges as a kink officially or even fully realizes, but considering that the man wants six children in canon, i feel like the idea of getting you pregnant, or even just coming inside of you whether or not you’re on a contraceptive, definitely gets him going. and if you are pregnant eventually once/if you two decide it’s what you want, forget about it. my god, he would be on you all the time. he’d love having you ride him with your breasts bouncing and a bit fuller from the hormones, your belly protruding with a bump as an undeniable piece of evidence that you’re his. it just checks all the boxes for him. i also believe that his chivalrous behavior would increase tenfold when you’re pregnant. in the later months, you physically cannot tie your shoes so he is right there to help you. he’s always extending his hand to hold while you walk, walking with his body closest to the street and yours closer to where it’s safer, and in general being even more of a simp than usual. if you thought he was a gentleman before, when he knows his baby is inside of you, he’s literally trying to do anything and everything he can for you.

now don’t even get me started on him as a dad. this has gone on long enough.

[little-lovett]

sweeney todd round 3 details (nicholas christopher, delaney westfall, joe locke) 🥹

- first of all, a huge congratulations to the adorable and ungodly talented joe locke on an amazing broadway debut. when he started singing in pirelli’s i said “holy shit he sounds REALLY good” out loud. that VOICE!!! his voice is so beautiful, his accent and movements were perfect, and he really just nailed it overall. his ‘not while i’m around’ actually destroyed me. he sang it so gorgeously IN THE OBC KEY and was so genuinely our courageous, protective, vulnerable little guy. at the end he hugged mrs lovett and collapsed into her lap and i just melted :,,)

- AHHH nik and delaney. they are so good together!!!! they give such a classic sweeney and lovett vibe because they read as literally insane. just absolutely unhinged little devils. they know exactly what they’re doing and they enjoy it. it’s definitely a contrast to josh and annaleigh who read more as normal people who got themselves into an insane situation.

- delaney… omg. she’s a gorgeous little thing but she is fierce. she’s loud, brash, maternal, and sexy all at once. she’s very belty and she has this beautiful BEAUTIFUL vibrato. her lovett was super energetic and scrappy and tough as nails. but her love for nik’s sweeney was so softening and beautiful. she felt like a lansbury x ashford hybrid and i adored it.

- nik was absolutely wonderful. i loved that his sweeney sounds much more australian than british, it kind of makes him stranger and more mysterious. he was cold and angry and often stoic so he was definitely more unsettling than josh. and still, sometimes he’d let those delicious little peaks into his love shine through. i felt for him and absolutely believed him. but he really was chilling. his movements, his anger, his sadness, his MANIC MOMENTS!!! holy shit. everyone was screaming for a whole minute after his epiphany because it really was crazy. on “nor a hundred can assuage me i will have you” HE WENT UP A WHOLe STEP AND BELTED IT OUT HELLO he was fucking terrifying.

- whenever he and mrs. lovett are sharing an intimate little moment and someone walks in, nik really snaps up and tries to act normal. it makes them look so suspicious and i love it 👀

- the jump into hell really really got me today idk why. it always hits, but today it just made me burst into tears and start screaming my head off. them finally surrendering to eachother and just taking that final leap together. idk. it went really hard.

- daniel torres was on as pirelli and he’s gotta be in my top 3 fav ensemble members so i was SUPER excited. and he devoured. SO flamboyant and vocals were excellent.

the biggest of congratulations to joe and our incredible understudies on a beautiful brilliant show ❤️🩸🔪🥧

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Jason Todd/Frank Castle ship manifesto and rec list!

For @dc-marvel-crossovers Pool Noodle Party.

These two are both scary motherfuckers when they want to be. Between the guns and the vengeance — yeah, the surface-level similarities are clear. But they’re also people whose core motivations are a) loss and b) a sense of justice. They lost faith in the ability of others to protect the people they love, and so they decided to do it themselves. They get a lot of shit from the other vigilantes in their respective circles for their methods of doing so; I think the lack of judgment coming from the other person would absolutely draw them together.

And at first glance, I think they can both easily be written off as angry characters, but both of them have a massive soft, caring streak under all that Kevlar and grumbling. It comes out mostly in the way they look out for (and fight on behalf of) the innocent — women, children, dogs… they’re both natural caretakers, but they’re rarely allowed to express it, and I think that caretaking is a huge part of what I love about the idea of their dynamic. They only allow themselves to be soft and to be taken care of because they’re with someone who also respects their strength.

Fic recs! Most of this tag belongs to the amazing @mightymightygnomepriest and @bittercape! Please go check out their work if you want more of this pairing — every one of their fics is great, not just the ones I’m quoting here.

forever trusting who we are by @bittercape - like I said, it’s the caretaking for me! This is peak softness, and I love the lived-in feel of the unspoken communication that comes from a long term relationship.

The rhythm of checking and mending gear is a familiar one, and Jason is comforted by the hiss of the whetstone against an already-sharp blade, as familiar as breathing.

Slightly less familiar is the way Frank leans against him when he comes back from packing up their gear. His weight is heavy against Jason’s back, seeking contact like a big cat.

can’t start a fire without a spark by @mightymightygnomepriest - Frank is literally in the rain trying to rescue a puppy in this. It’s so ridiculously endearing. There’s also caretaking (of course) and some sexy sexy sex.

Out of the corner of his eye, Jason catches sight of a calendar. He wonders if he’s been a good enough boy this year that Santa’s delivered him a dilf.

Probably not.

Even if We’re Just Dancing in the Dark by @daddyswickedqueen - a remix of the previous fic on the list, but god damn I love Sagacity’s take on this premise. The inner voices of both characters are so well done.

There’s a low laugh that could, in other meteorological conditions, make Jason shiver. Right now it’s too fucking cold and wet to tell.

Jason stays right where he is. This goddamn puppy is going to be warm and dry tonight or he’s going to commit war crimes. Again.

Parting is all we know of Heaven, (—and all we need of Hell.) by llamallamaduck - Witcher fusion! I know very little about the Witcher fandom but was able to follow without problems, and the glimpse at the world was more than enough to have me wanting more. Great characterizations.

“I’ve been around for a while, kid,” says the Witcher, shifting. Automatically, Jason’s eyes snap to track the movement. You can’t not pay attention to that shit. He’s not even making any threatening gestures; he’s rubbing his temples with one hand and is propped up by the other. Nevertheless, Jason wants to curl his shoulders, bare his teeth and show he’s not easy prey.

Make This Easy by @thepartyresponsible - it has once again been 0 days since somebody in the crossover server recced a TPR fic, and for good reason. Significantly darker than the others on this list; this is not a happy story. But it involves one of my favorite descriptions of Jason of all time:

There’s some kind of predator under his skin, the same way there’s one under Frank’s. Maybe this kid’s teeth run a little closer to the surface, but Frank still recognizes his own. It’s just weird as hell to find someone like him caged up in a body like that. He wonders if that’s what he looked like in his early twenties, some unholy mashup of empty eyes and soft edges, baby fat barely lingering on a body already smelted into a weapon.

He was never that pretty, but Russo used to be. Maybe that burning match energy is something boys like them learn early. Self-immolation as a form of self-protection. Nobody’s going to get their hands on them if they’re already on fire.

[ecileh]

there was this really interesting theory on tiktok last year about how in a lot of women-centric fantasy, only “good girls” get to keep their powers. it wasn’t about SJM, but i think about this in relation to the SJMverse soooo much because it happens with a lot (all) of her characters.

the video has been deleted (it’s blank in my bookmarks 😭) but to paraphrase the theory, OP magical female characters get boxed into two categories:

good girls: selfless, savior complex, puts everyone especially her man first, often modest/humble, scandalized when they have to wear sexy clothes for a plot point, only fuck when presented with one bed or similar situation (ie, they need to *be* seduced)

bad girls: selfish, proud, difficult to get along with, vain, seductive/DTF (they’re not bad people, many are heroines. they’re just…difficult. they loathe themselves. they make mistakes and don’t make excuses.)

feyre is the literal holotype of a good girl. she puts everyone else, especially her male partner, before herself. she is a little more selfish at the beginning of the books, but she undergoes a lot of character growth by acowar/acofas. in acowar i think it makes her compelling because she’s so recklessly brave that it almost sets her allies’ efforts back (it’s almost a mistake!) but everything always works out for her. but by acofas, when she’s wearing herself to the bone doing charity work, she’s become a martyr. she also is forced into wearing sexy clothes (by rhys) and they don’t do anything sexual until there’s, of course, only one bed. she’s so OP her powers eventually get nerfed for plot reasons (nesta, elain, and other side characters need a chance to shine, so feyre gets pregnant, shielded, and now has a baby to protect so she probably won’t risk herself unless anything threatens nyx), but her powers are still there. she still has control and agency over her powers. she’s just choosing not to use them or put herself in harm’s way because she’s now a mother.

nesta, amren, and aelin are bad girls because they are selfish, proud, difficult to get along with. we don’t know much about amren’s sexual history but we know aelin cockteased rowan for months, and nesta made her way through velaris and jumped right into bed with cassian—not for love, but for a distraction—once she was confined to the house of wind. (i know feyre claimed her one bed moment with rhysand was for a distraction as well, but she wasn’t really in the same place as nesta where sex was an active self-destructive coping mechanism for her. and she later admits to rhys she was lying about wanting distraction to protect herself.) and yeah amren and aelin gives up their powers for the wars and nesta gives up her powers for……a wider pelvis.

because bad girls can only be redeemed by sacrificing their power. good girls will gladly sacrifice their power and lives, but they are always spared. bad girls may offer their lives too (as amren and aelin did), but even if their lives are spared they never get to keep their power like good girls do.

(and of course OP men always get to keep their powers.)

so many authors seem to think the only satisfying resolution to a difficult woman’s character arc is making them give up their power to save someone else. personally i think it’s so tired. give us a stone cold bitch who doesn’t have to nuke herself for a new pelvis!!! please authors i am begging you

[sommerregenjuniluft]

@jegulus-microfic august 29 — walk — 1197 words —mention of sex but only because wolfstar are being desperate little shits aka summer holiday shenanigans

James hears Regulus quietly humming to himself where he’s walking a few paces in front of him, letting his fingertips slide against the sun warmed metal of the fence separating the property from the sidewalk.

They’re on their way to the little mart around the corner, more specifically the pizza place adjacent to it.

“Cheaper that way,” Sirius had mumbled into Remus’ mouth while they continued to suck at each other’s faces. Meaning, cheaper than with extra delivery fee, meaning leave us alone it’s about to get very not-PG13. 

Regulus had started to look increasingly horrified and James had thought they deserved half an hour to themselves since Remus had only just gotten home from a week-long hike with his dad. They’d started to lean horizontally on their towels next to the pool when Sirius had blindly fumbled for his wallet and thrown sixty bucks in the general direction of his little brother and James and so they were on dinner duty while the other two made up for missed time.

James had quickly grabbed his smokes from the garden table and slipped into his old Adidas slides while Regulus had already fled for the front gate.

He lights himself one now before he slips the pack back into his swimming trunks. Regulus throws a glance over his naked shoulder at the sound of the lighter and lets himself fall back to sidle up next to James.

James grins as his cheeks hollow around the inhale and Regulus keeps looking at him out of the corner of his eye.

They both know Sirius would rather throttle him before he lets Regulus bum a cigarette but James had always had a weak spot for the younger boy. 

Regulus shamelessly uses that for his advantage, of course.

Blinks dark lashes up at James with those icy blue eyes of his and the faintest layer of freckles dotting his regal, sunkissed nose and simply plucks the cigarette right out of James’ mouth before he can inhale properly a second time.

“Those aren’t good for you, y’know,” Regulus says matter-of-factly and then brings them to his own lips, humming obscenely around the first drag.

James’ lips twitch amused as he tries reaching for the smoke again, “Oh, and they are for you, right?”

Regulus leans away as he continues to suck in greedily, “Ah-huh,” voice husky around the lung full of smoke before blowing it out, “I’m younger than you, old man. My body can easily take it.”

James hums, grin widening, “Oh, yeah,” moves in closer and ducks his head, delighted in the hitch of Regulus’ breath, “What else can your body take?”

Regulus glares at him through the flush intensifying his sunburn, “Wouldn’t you like to know, Potter?”

James steals his cigarette back, “And what if I said I did?”

Regulus does a little growling noise that James finds startlingly sexy. Not his fault Regulus looks so edible when he’s flushed.

James snickers before he takes another long drag and then passes it back over to Regulus who takes it immediately. “How about a Thank you?”

“I literally hate you.”

“Sure you do, love,” James smiles and then pushes a palm against the warm dip of Regulus’ back to steer him around to the pizza place he nearly walked past, “Now, chop chop. Daddy is hungry and the pineapple doesn’t slice itself.”

What can James say, he craves Hawaii today.

“Most vile, revolting, disgusting, heinous—

“Oh, that one’s new.” 

“—horrendous, appalling person on earth.”

They place their order, which they’re told takes 20 minutes so they decide to head over into the little grocery store because Regulus craves fruit suddenly and James could do with something cold to drink anyways.

Regulus bullies James into buying a whole pint of blueberries,

“You’re going to get a stomach ache.”

“No, I won’t. I know what I’m doing, Potter.”

“Yeah, ’cause you know so well what your body can and can’t take, don’t yo— Ouch! Fuck, Reg, that was hard. Heh, apropos hard, when you were bent down at that shelf earlier—”

“Don’t fucking test me, James.”

and James retaliates by digging his refridged beverage chilled fingers into Regulus’ slightly sunburnt shoulders just when they exit the store.

He makes a high-pitched yelping noise and dances out of James’ reach only to hiss and jump right back into the shade of the building, grappling at James’ arm, “Shit, fuck, the pavement’s hot.”

James, because he can, walks right past him to the little bench on the other side of the sidewalk with a shiteating grin. Plops down and throws a blueberry in the air before catching it in his mouth.

Regulus scowls at him and waits for an old lady to pass between them before he throws up a middle finger. 

James throws his head back with a cackle and then stands back up and walks over to Regulus.

Before this one can even get a hint of what James is about to do he quickly closes the last step between them, bends down and throws Regulus over his shoulder without preamble.

“James,” he cries out, “Put me down— Are you insane? James—”

“Quiet back there,” James demands playfully with a quick slap on Regulus’ ass. He does, much to his credit, albeit the broken choking noise.

James dutifully sets him down on the bench, not quite able to help the warm feeling pooling in his chest at Regulus’ flushed and disheveled state. Cocks his head to the side with a grin and wonders if you can get that much blood into your cheeks from hanging upside down for barely five seconds.

Predictably, Regulus hits him again but James is so gleeful it doesn’t even hurt.

They wait a few more minutes for their pizza to get ready, sharing another smoke in peaceful silence before they’re called inside.

When they step back outside, Regulus regards the sidewalk warily.

James ends up giving him a piggy-pack ride on the walk back home.

It’s a bit much, honestly.

Regulus’ lean, naked chest pressed against James’ equally nude back. The way he can hear the other boy munch and suck and lick the blueberries from between his fingers. The way his limbs cling to James’ body tightly.

Regulus only extracts himself from James once they’re past the gate, demanding for him to go ahead and check if Sirius and Remus are done lest the images burn themselves into Regulus’ retinas forever and continue to haunt him in his nightmares for as long as he lives.

They are not done yet.

James involuntarily gets a good glimpse at Remus’ pale ass and Sirius’ hairy shins crossed around it.

He'd thought it was an All Clear since he didn’t hear any debauched noises. Turns out Remus was just busy mouthing at Sirius’ chest with his hand wrapped around this one’s throat.

Yup, James is definitely gonna have some weird, vivid dreams for the unforeseeable future.

Regulus tucks his lips in when James comes back shaking his head.

They spread themselves out on the curb, legs stretched out and pizza boxes in their laps.

Regulus snatches James’ drink halfway through their meal and James confiscates the blueberries when Regulus keeps snacking on them.

[lover-also-fighter-also]

Incorrect quotes

Some incorrect quotes made with this generator for my MC's. Hope you like it!

Tagging @choicesmc

Anitha: Stop doing that. Griffin: Stop doing what? Anitha: Saying things that make me wanna kiss the hell out of you.

Flynn : Tanya , you love me, right? Tanya : Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

Aurora : Fight me! Harshith : gets on one knee and pulls out a ringHarshith : Fight me for the rest of our lives.

Maria: Can I have your number? Ria, visible texting: I don't have a phone.

Mila : You have an impressive pain tolerance. Skye : Thanks, it's the trauma.

Anitha : Where’s Atlas? Zeph: Doing stuff. Anitha: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Shreya? Zeph: Trying to stop Atlas from doing the stuff. Anitha: And Griffin? Zeph: Trying to stop Shreya from stopping Atlas from doing the stuff. Anitha: I see. And what are you doing here, Zeph? Zeph: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Griffin from stopping Shreya from stopping Atlas from doing the stuff.

Tanya: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY- Flynn : Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug~ Tanya : Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH- Grant, recording: This is so cute.

Harshith, being robbed: Please! Have mercy! I have a family! A wife and kids… a dog… Jackie: Literally none of that is true, Harshith. Harshith : Okay, but I’m sexy! That’s gotta count for something, right?

Emma: Ooh, somebody has a crush Ria: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Maria I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about her. *Later that night* Ria, very much awake: Uh oh.

Mila : It's pretty cold outside.. wanna hold hands? We should stay close. Skye, blushing: Okay. Ajay: It's fucking summer.

Anitha : You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon. Anitha : It's me. Tanya: I’m not like other girls. I’m way, way worse.

Harshith: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!

Ria: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!

Mila : Pros and cons of dating me. Mila : Pros. You'll be the cute one. Mila : Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

In response to receiving a gift Skye : You didn’t have to get this for me… Maria : S-stupid! Now I HAVE to get you something! Flynn : Th-thanks, but why? Griffin: Oh my! I can’t accept a gift like this! Aurora: Did you keep the receipt?

[zipperrants]

What I think Andrew (aka Hozier) will be like in my dr as incorrect quotes

Andrew: Zipper and I are no longer friends. Zipper: ANDREW THAT IS THE WORST WAY TO TELL PEOPLE THAT WE’RE DATING!

Zipper: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine. Andrew: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again. Zipper: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?? Andrew: Is it working?

Zipper: My hands are cold. Andrew: Here, let me hold them. Zipper: My lips are cold too. Andrew: *covers Zipper's mouth with their hand*

Zipper: I'm trash. Andrew: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you? Zipper: Zipper: You smooth motherfucker. Zipper: And yes it does.

Andrew: Are you trying to seduce me? Zipper: Why, are you seducible?

Zipper: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. Andrew: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Zipper: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response. Andrew: Wow. They sound stupid. Zipper: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense. Andrew: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!” Zipper: I guess you’re right. Hey Andrew, I love you. Andrew: See! Just say that! Zipper: Holy fucking shit. Andrew: If that flies over their head then, sorry Zipper, but they're too dumb for you. Zipper: Andrew.

Andrew: Is something burning? Zipper, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you. Andrew: Zipper, the toaster is literally on fire.

Zipper: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us. Andrew: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both

Zipper: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart. Andrew: But I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything.

Zipper: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it. Andrew: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.

Zipper: Relationships should be 50/50. Andrew cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

Zipper: You got a date yet Andrew? Andrew: No... Zipper: Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

Zipper: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you. Andrew: That's great, Zipper. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

Zipper: The stars are so beautiful... Andrew: They're just giant balls of gas. Zipper: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then- Andrew: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you. Zipper: Oh...

Zipper: Pros and cons of dating me. Zipper: Pros. You'll be the cute one. Zipper: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

Andrew: *Laughs* Babe, you had a crush on me? That’s embarrassing— Zipper: We’re married.

Andrew: I fell— Zipper: From heaven? Andrew: No, I literally fell— Zipper: In love with me the moment you saw me? Andrew: MY ARM IS BROKEN! Zipper: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

Andrew: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash. Zipper: Oh. We're going out? Andrew: Wh...

Zipper: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos- Andrew: I wrote you a poem. Zipper, already crying:You did?

Zipper: We should be partners. Andrew: You mean like, partners in crime? Zipper: Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant.

Zipper: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Andrew: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. Zipper: ... Zipper: You mean ring bearER, right? Andrew: ... Zipper: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

@shift-dreamr

[screampied]

see I just realised you said GHOST and not ghostface,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that’s very embarrassing I wish I could unsend an ask bc that’s so embarrassing,,,,,,,,,,,, EISH IM CURLIN UP I MISREAD IT AGHHH

close enough it’s TOJI and he’s sexy so :3333

did he js flick the reader’s forehead,,, OU HIS HANDS ARE COLD?? MEOWWWWW “are you even listening” NO KING IM TRYNA HEAR UR DICKS HEARTBEAT MIAOOWWWWWW

“wanna feel?” 😧 well,,,,,,,, it must be the witching hour bc I’m about to do some magical spells on that shit LMFAOAOA 😭 “knock y’erself out” AYE AYE CAP’N 😻‼️

HAPPY TRAIL??????? AND DIANA IS ON THE PROWL MEOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW “you wanna find out?” VEGAS YOURE KILLING ME SHES HISSING I CANT DO THIS AUSGGDHFHFHFHF “c’mere then” LAWD IM IN HEAT sorry that is wild..

“knees” did and done 🧎🏾‍♀️”bra, take that off too” SO HE WANNA SEE MY TITS 😛😛😛 BEST BELIEVE THAT SHIT IS FLYING OFF (I’m so sorry.) “fuck, y’er pretty” THANK YOU DADDY 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻

“it’s too big for you? thats my bad” cocky about his cock,,, I NEED HIM AUGGH

“play with your tits” … radio silence…………… unexpected……….. NO BC THE WAY MY JAW ACC DROPPED I WAS LIKE WOAH?? BUT I MEAN SHIT IF THERES A WILL THERES A WAY I GOT THE ASSETS FOR ALLAT !!

“such a pretty mouth, ugh” the ugh in italic? I HEARD IT?? LAED?? IM SO FINISHED IM PROPERLY DONE “good girl. haah, ‘s good” meows.

“yer nasty” VEGAS YOU ALWAYS SERVE AT THE RIGHT TIMES IVE BEEN GEEKING ABOUT BEING CALLED NASTY FOR DAYS AND YOU PULL THIS, I CANTTTT “play with yourself” FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

“you want that, sweets?” I CALL PEOPLE SWEETS TOO OMG ME N HIM TWINNIN and wtf is ectoplasm.. IS IT YHAT GREEN SHIT FROM GHOSTBUSTERS?? OH NAH GMFU SAY WHAT NOW?? nvm its whitee, false alarm :P

“Yer mouths gettin smart” IT CAN GET SMARTER, OG OFFICE SIREN RIGHT HERE !! “fuuuuuuuuck me” lawd……… LAWD I LOVE WHEN MEN DO THAT

“I wanna break you” sweet and sour kebabs.. “you have to pay for that you kno-" LMFOAOAOAOAOAO WE ARE FUNNYY “you played with her?” he referred to it as her… screampied’s version of toji is the man of my dreams NOT YOU ADRESSING IT LMFAOAOOA YOURE SO REAL FOR THAT

“n-no” “y-yea” moans. THE MOCKING I NEED THIS IN MY LIFEEE “look at that tongue” IM DYING IM BEDRIDDEN IM ILL HELP ME “listen to it with me” WOWZA “atta girl” YOWZA !

“whatever spell you had” TOLD YALL IMA BE ON MY WITCH SHIT 🗣️‼️ DONT PLAY WITH CATTTTTTT I WAS CASTIN SPELLS ALLLLL OVER LIKE “PUSSARIUS DRUNKIOS” BIPPITY BOPPITY BOO NOW HE LUV IT, IM TEWWW GOOD 😛

DID IT END OFF W A WHINY NEEDY TOJI??? im a LITTLE too good .. BUT LAWD YOU ATE IT DOWNNNN, HATS OFF TO YOU QUEENIE

— pearl anon !!!! :3

LMAOOO OMG 🫦🫦🫦 tehe yesss he’s an actual ghost but id love to write ghostface toji one day 🤚🏽 that'd eat so hard bruh

the dick's heartbeat 😭😭😭 that's new i'm gonna use that one day. YESSSS HIS HAPPY TRAIL, i could literally write so much ab happy trails it’s actual sick idk ??? like they’re jus so sexy to me. happy trails >>>

NOT U CALLING THE COOTER DIANA PLS

right he’s so cocky he just needs to get put in his place like … (he does 🌚) HEHEJE YESSS UGH IN ITALIC. it just has more pizzazz me thinks, omg i love that word pizzazzzzz. HELPPPP ectoplasm is a ghost like substance but since it’s fanfiction let’s say it’s another type of cum 👨🏽‍💻👨🏽‍💻

YESSS tojis pussy talk is literally unmatched, literally got an ask to elaborate on his pussy talk n i’m so GEEKEDDDDD. writing his dialogue makes my stomach churn up in KNOTSSSS

right. we love sassy reader's w backbone before being put in their place >>>> THE WITCH SHIT BYE. pussarius drunkios HELP ???? 😭😭😭😭

yep, whiney toji my fav 🫦 did all that just to get put in his place <3 he’s never gonna leave us bc he’s too pussy whipped now 🙂‍↕️

[incorrect-pipravi]

Some incorrect LauCara because they’re my beloveds

(I need to keep spreading my agenda)

*******************

Cara: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

Lauren: It was autocorrect.

Cara: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

Lauren: Yes.

*******************

*LauCara’s first date*

Lauren: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?

Cara: Aww-

Lauren: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!

*******************

Cara: That was so hot, Lauren.

Lauren: I literally called the guy who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told him I hope he gets dragged through the streets.

Cara: I'm so in love with you.

*******************

Lauren, throwing her head into Cara's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

Cara, lovingly stroking her hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

*******************

Cara: Are you trying to seduce me?

Lauren: Why, are you seducible?

*******************

Cara: Okay, but if you’re not gay then why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I’m your girlfriend?

Lauren, still in denial: Dude- Its satire!

Cara: THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE MEANS!

*******************

*Lauren is crying after a breakup*

Cara: There there, Lauren.

Lauren, still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room?

Cara: Great question—

*******************

Cara: My hands are cold.

Lauren: Here, let me hold them.

Cara: My lips are cold too.

Lauren: *covers Cara's mouth with her hand*

*******************

Lauren: Why doesn’t Cara find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Pip: What do you look like when you bite your lip?

Lauren: *bites lip*

Pip: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

*******************

Pip: That shirt looks great, Lauren.

Lauren: Thanks.

Connor: But I bet it would look even better on Cara's floor.

Cara: Are you hitting on Loz... for me?

*******************

More LauCara content. Amen!

[gorsime]

where did the fandom stereotype come from that gaz is nice that motherfucker is scary. sexy naughty bitchy me is his anthem. he’s not NICE……… he’s smooth he’s got excellent people skills that’s why he’s an interrogation man but he’s snappy! he’s cold mean sharp hurts your feelings if your skin isn’t thick enough. i feel like people tend to assign that to ghost but ghost shuts the fuck up and does what he’s told. kyle garrick bitches back at his superiors constantly and openly complains about everything constantly, it’s literally the thing that makes price go “alright you’re my guy now.” it’s why he and price work so well with farah+alex (there’s nobody above her on their side, half the red tape is slashed clean through already and he and price are both willing to cross lines if they think it’s right)…it’s why the mw19 team feels more deeply connected to me than tf141 honestly! price and kyle and farah and alex are just four angry fucking people. it’s found family :] it’s people who ostensibly are just working together for the same goal (get that Gas) but um they care so much. and they’re so mad. and they care and they’re angry and they care. i luv u kyle gaz garrick. i love that price saw this guy who is too competent to be held back from helping and furious about it, who is sick with rage that he could have saved people and wasn’t allowed to, who cannot possibly contain that anger ever and just lets it out in snipes and barbs every second, who managed to get through his whole military career with a distaste for authority intact and brazen…. And he was like shit yeah ill take that one :) reminds me of me :)

[docholligay]

Ep 9: Shauna

Hello! This is about up to Episode 9 of Yellowjackets, and ONLY episode 9 of Yellowjackets. I have not seen beyond the ninth episode, at all, and know NOTHING about this show. Please do not spoil it for me.  Things that are spoilery in nature, for me, include: saying things like  “Just wait!!” confirming or denying anything I put forward, outside information about the cast interviews or creator statements, leading questions like “Do you think “blank moment” means anything?” etc. Remember  that Y’ALL HAVE SEEN THE SHOW AND I HAVE NOT. This informs the way you  talk about things relating to the show. Just be really careful is all  I’m asking. Also: If there is LITERALLY any stance I  could take on this show or character that would make you upset, please  just fucking block the tag

If you WOULD like to discuss the show and my takes on it, the Discord is right here! I don’t go there, so it’s a great place to get every emotion out.

Please thank @sailorsunspot and @moonlight-frittata for backing this odd way of doing a liveblog, and remember my tip jar is always open

I love all of Shauna’s shit in this.

Shauna stabs Adam not because he lied to her, though she’s not thrilled about that, but because Shauna has such a fear of being found out. Shauna knows that at core, she is a creature. That she can kill, and has killed. That she can dismember, that she can be cold. That she can betray. That she longs to betray. No one can know that, that has to stay Shauna’s secret, and he is at the very precipice of getting close enough to realize, close enough to know, and so I’m not even sure the conscious level of Shauna stabs him, but that second layer of Shauna, simmering just under the surface, the basement of the house where Jackie lives, and accuses Shauna. 

Of course, this is all paired with the fact that Shauna desperately wants to be found out. To be exposed. For her monstrous predator nature to be made known. This is why she’s always so crap at hiding stuff--her shitty spot for the diary, the flight number as the code on the safe, her book club lies to Jeff--She got into Brown, she’s not that fucking stupid. She wants to be found out. She wants to scream that she is dangerous and not to be fucked with, but she can’t, because she has to be this idea she has of Shauna. She is the wolf in sheep’s clothing, and wants everyone to know it, and so she leaves these simple, easy breadcrumbs to be followed. 

It’s teenage Shauna, the wolf inside, that does this. 

And I knew it was going to happen, because I’m not sure what is going on with Adam--I still do not think he was somehow God’s most innocent lamb, though maybe I’m just sticking to my story because I hate being wrong--but whatever is going on with Adam is playing into all those feelings Shauna has not only of people discovering that she is a creature, but on an even simpler level, Adam is Jeff all over again. Adam is Shauna assuring herself that the popular, cute boy wants her, really wants her, not Jackie, not the pretty girls, but SHAUNA, and Adam ruins that with the possibility of having wanted her for manipulative reasons, of having wanted to discover her not because she is dangerous and sexy but because she is PROFITABLE. That’s the big hurt, that he never wanted her. That god forbid, Callie was right. 

It’s a lot going on! It’s a lot of feelings! But they all go back to teenage Shauna’s feelings of inadequacy and that monster under the surface, the one who took immediately to butchering. That’s why we see teenage Shauna take out the knife, because in many ways, she still IS teenage Shauna. Teenage Shauna who isn’t thinking about what they would be doing if they hadn’t crashed because some part of her knows she never ever would have goen to Brown. She never would have confronted Jackie. 

I mean even in fucking killing Adam, which, way to go girl, you’re making choices in your life I guess. They’re these, but they are choices! Even then, when Jeff says, “You murdered someone?” she doesn’t say yes, she says, “I stabbed hm and he died” even in this she cannot let herself be honest about her actions. Sure, she stabbed him and he died, but that was just a series of events, that wasn’t her MURDERING him. They may be the same on paper, but she’s a writer, and any writer knows that connotation is everything. Word choice matters. 

By the way, I absolutely love everything that happens with Shauna and Jeff, not because I was right (though we all know I love that) but because I think it proves so much about how she and Jeff always were perfect for each other, and Jackie was the outlier, not Shauna. When he says, “We’ve always been these people,” that is the most perfect way of summing it up that I could possibly think of. They are both duplicitous, desperate people, who do things in the darkness. It’s who they are, it’s who they’ve always been. 

That being said, I don’t know if I think Shauna deserves Jeff. Jeff was not lying, I don’t think, when he said he didn’t want to have married Jackie, that he loves Shauna. I think that is very clear in all of his actions. His first reaction when she reveals that she killed someone is to take the fall for it. That he refuses to let her take the fall “for something he did” even though Shauna very much was the one who stabbed Adam because he hurt her feelings and got too close.

[chasingfictions]

here’s some of my thoughts about things in new york. jfk airport: sexy. lga airport : sexy but bad . ewr airport: never been sexy ever Wouldn’t know how if it tried. airtrain to jfk airport: sexiest motherfucker I ever knew. g train: sexy but mean to me. 4/5 trains: not sexy but platonic. 6 train: sexless and evil. a/c trains: SEXY. e train; sexy in a transient way . 1/2/3 trains: undeniably sexy. 7 train: used to be sexy and then betrayed me but is sexy a little. n/w trains: not sexy bc they’re my family. q train: …. yeah ok sexy . think abt it and you’ll agree. r train: … has been sexy sometimes. j/z trains: sexy due to mystique. b/d/f/m trains: SOOOO sexy Literally and not just bc of the bondage domination fucking masochism implication. L train: NOT sexy. s train: brooklyn and rockaway yes, midtown hard no . lirr: not sexy but she doesn’t need to be. nj transit: SEXLESS I HATE HER. metro north: liTerally soooo sexy. Penn station: u guys aren’t gonna wanna hear this but she’s sexy. sexy doesn’t mean good it means sexy. even the cold sexless remodel can’t take away her sex appeal. grand central: sexy in an objective way but I wouldn’t fuck her. queens: sexy. brooklyn: obviously sexy. bronx: u guessed it, sexy. manhattan: can be sexy has been sexy but it’s NOT a given. Staten Island : has never been sexy in her fucking life. Mets: Sexy!!!! Yankees: sexless. brooklyn cyclones i am fucking them right now I love u cyclones ur sooooo sexy. rangers and islanders both sexy. knicks and nets both sexy. jets and giants both deeply unsexy. halal cart is sexy slice joint is sexy empanada cart is sexy . Jewish deli is sooooo sexy. jumping the turnstile is so sexy. I’m tired of making this post but I’m right about everything in it jsyk

[hooved]

Can i ask....uh....you rlly want 2 fuck Quark?? Like i respect the dedication here but. What is the appeal? No offense 2 ur man

yes, i legitimately do want to fuck him and even made a whole discord server like 2 years ago for other ppl who wanna fuck him lmao (but i've been into him for like. at least 4 years now) and i dunno if you're asking as someone who has or hasn't watched DS9, but he's one of those characters you kinda have to see in action and really get to know in order to really understand his appeal, pictures and gifs alone just don't really do him justice he starts off as the sleazy perverted little shitty bastard character (and never stops being that) but you get to see pretty quickly that he's actually not so bad of a guy and that he really cares about the ppl close to him despite his general selfishness. he's flirty, he’s fun, he's funny, he's ridiculously charismatic, extremely dramatic, he has the best and most varied wardrobe in the whole show, he wears eyeshadow, he’s bisexual, and he’s a pathetic little guy who starts cowering and screaming at the first sign of trouble lmao (but he can be pretty brave when it really counts) but tbh a huge part of what really makes him sexy to ppl is the way he carries himself. his body language, his expressions, the way he speaks, etc., he’s extremely expressive. he’s got swag. and on top of all that, he literally does get laid like. all the time. so you know he’s experienced and that he’s legitimately desirable to others in canon. not only that, but he’s got a very obvious thing for dominant women (and as a bisexual man myself, i'm with him on that lmao), he’s been confirmed by one of the writers to be a bottom (no joke he literally said this. but like. as if it wasn’t already obvious y’know), and he’s even alluded to being into getting tied up on more than one occasion, among other things. he’s kind of unnecessarily open about his kinks, which is fine by me personally 🤷‍♀️ he’s a VERY horny character. he’s literally meant to be sexy whether or not someone personally finds him attractive. they decided to make the wrinkly little big-eared freak the sluttiest character in the show and possibly in the entirety of star trek and to that i say hell yeah man, why not but anyway, another thing i wanna add (and trust me this is still relevant and not just because i love quodo) is that his 10+ years long weird homoerotic rivalry with odo is both very funny and extremely poignant. they act like enemies a lot of the time, but they’re actually very close, even if odo can’t admit it. quark considers odo his best friend and genuinely cares about him. he’s been there for him many times when no one else was. he’s defended him, he’s helped him without expecting anything in return, he’s given him gifts, he’s even dragged him up a mountain in the freezing cold to save his life. that kind of love and dedication to someone, even if he doesn’t get the same in return, is a very endearing quality of his character, even if it is unfortunate. he doesn’t give up on the ppl he loves, no matter how “un-ferengi” it is of him to care so much uhh i could go on and on and on about him and there’s definitely things i’m forgetting to mention, but basically he’s a very good and entertaining character. and i’ve said this before but tbh when i started watching DS9, i literally could not have predicted that i’d be this into him or even attracted to him in the slightest, like i knew he’d be my favorite but the “oh no he’s actually kinda sexy” feeling really snuck up on me and that seems to be the case for most ppl who are into him. he really grows on you and then before you know it, you and your friends are on discord talking about how much you all wanna fuck him on a daily basis lmao 🤷‍♀️ anyway i don’t know how to end this ask. quark is hot

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

Its the end of the year! Which means its time to post the

Tags That Made Me Smile 2022

The following are a collective list of tags, author notes, and fic names that i saw on ao3 and tumblr that made me either laugh or smile. Ive separated them by fandom but a good amount arent actually fandom specific. Ive added the character names or fandom at the end like {name} to clarify who the tag is talking about

[2021's list]

Author Specific / Non-Specific

i saw canon; acknowledged it; And promply burned it in a dirty trash can thanks; Have this instead

Give me pain I need to feel something

this is self projection thank you coming to my ted talk

Whats that?? Overused tropes that everyone has seen before????? Pfffffffft. This fic is literally just a big mess of "how can I cater to myself and myself only"

you ever just look at your life and wonder how you got here; bc that's what this fic is for me

Don't underestimate me I DO NOT know how long this fan-fic will be

can you tell my target audience is myself

this is content specifically catered to me and no one else

these characters are my landlords and i pay them rent

P O L Y A M O R Y   I S   M Y   P O L Y J A M O R Y

cheek kiss warning

kidnapping isn’t sexy don’t do it

i've never read the archie comics but that's not gonna stop me {archie sonic}

not me writing a whole fic for a ship only i care about; that like maybe two other people ship; rowing this boat is hard but someone has to do it {scourge x fleetway sonic}

ankles don't heal this fast but fuck it i do what i want

no beta we die like men; or rather we drown like the sad shipper with a pool noodle we are

I'm afraid of the Danimals mascot and you should be too

if you're getting flood warnings, don't worry. It's just MY TEARS!

me at every character: anxiety be upon ye

Me (Grabs canon and runs a marathon with it)

Quote: Do you think God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he's created (Spy Kids) {tmnt crossover}

Alternate Universe - Monty Python and the Holy Grail

contains dangerous amount of bed based snuggling

(kind of its a very short very homosexual fight scene); and then they kiss.

Hostage situation takes a romantic turn???? Not clickbait????

enemies to frenemies

Improper Use of Pool Noodles

stone cold stoicism meeting determined stupidity

Star Wars

Kanan Jarrus: The Daddening

platonic love is what healed his lonely existence {din djarin}

when in doubt: road trip with the besties {din, boba, fennec}

Soul Eater

found family at its finest {kid, liz, patty}

The Witcher

wife (platonic) {yennskier}

at first I was like haha geralt and Istredd should kiss as a joke…. but bro I don’t think it’s a joke anymore….

Sonic the Hedgehog

Movie!Super Sonic is made out of LOVE no one touch me

Sonics gay awakening I guess

sonic movie 2 made me make an ao3 account lol

Sonic was made to love people

Two Bros Chillin’ in an ER Five Feet Apart ‘cause they’re not gay {sonic x shadow}

the most dangerous thing is to love {shadow}

Trapped in a small box with just enough room to face some feelings {sonic x shadow}

the R in rivalry stand for romance {sonic x shadow}

The L in Rivalry Stands For 'Love' {sonic x shadow}

A Largely Platonic Cave

i love boom!shadow so naturally i made him even more insufferable

Sad-ow

Wachowskis holdin it down in the bg; Absolute champs

I love how Shadow is just so mindbogglingly utterly done with reality

Knuckles is a guardian of all things great and small

“Would you kiss a worm?" “If he was cute as fuck? Yeah.” {wade x stone}

"What is this made of, bendable titanium?!" "INCORRECT. IT IS MADE OF THE FRUSTRATIONS OF MOTHERS EVERYWHERE." {team dark}

featuring a scourge that trips far too much because it's my fic and I said so {scourge x fleetway sonic}

no thoughts just soft hedgehog moments

listen if im going to die at the hands of injured lancelot shit i might as well take advantage of it

Everyone has a crush on Lancelot and I'll die on this hill

fairy Lancelot Fairy Lancelot FAIRY LANCELOT!!!

TMNT

Slow Burn; mostly on april's end of things; casey and donnie are basically on fire right off the bat {tmnt 2012}

Rise!Donnie and 2012!Casey be out there committing arson together for their first date >.>

Please enjoy Casey, the fool, realizing his feelings for Donnie, another fool {tmnt 2012}

Draxum and Splinter are the turtles' dads (it's a reluctant partnership)

just two absolute powerhouses holding each other gently {raph x mona}

“There’s nothing wrong with the way you love, Dee. Goodnight.” {rottmnt}

Wondering what to do when the apocalypse happens? Easy: fly across the country and get Vegas-married. That's definetley an appropriate reaction that won't involve your complicated feelings towards your roommate at all {hypno x warren}

Look rise are weapons of war 12 were accidents and I play with that HARD in this fic

"GET IN THE TURTLE TANK BITCHES WE GOING TO FAMILY THERAPY" {rottmnt}

Donatello is now Dad-Atello {rottmnt}

The other [Casey] is out on a beach in Tahiti; It's what he deserves after surviving the Krang {rottmnt}

Leo is now actively being hunted for sport; (the only sport Donnie is good at) {rottmnt}

These turtles can fit so much trauma

2018 Karai lives because fuck Nick; Casey x Donnie x April are a healthy ship and also fuck nick again

I cant be the only one pissed by Leo's and Karais 'love interest plot'; Leonardo's weird feelings were simply gender envy...Yes that is canon now {tmnt 2012}

What happens when two "dudes" call each other 'girlfriend'; Transgender activities, that's what! {tmnt 2012}

splinter is twice divorced and never married {rottmnt}

Papatello / Dadatello {rottmnt}

draxum's gone from dadxum to grand-dadxum good for him

HOLY FUCKING SHIT YES YES YES YES; GRANDPA BARRY COMING IN CLUTCH

draxum just be like gramps still got it; and by 'it' i mean a complete lack of forethought for care when creating random children

Puts the Bi in Bitchless {rottmnt leo}

its because ninja turtles

feral mamatello {rottmnt}

Marvel

it's the anguish, the self flagellation, the audacity to love the man who annihilate ur nation and killed ur mother; your m o t h e r {black panther}