#I literally feel like i’ve been given a gift lol

[ringneckedpheasant]

Hi! I saw your Bible post and if you're interested in doing this, I have a few things you could look into/do which might make the process easier if you have trauma/want to approach it like a set of myths/historical document! I studied theology and religion at uni (particularly queer and eco theology) and came at it from a non-christian angle. Anyway feel free to delete this ask if it's not useful/too much etc. I just thought I'd give some ideas!

Yale has a series of online free lectures on the Old Testament which are super interesting and don't assume any faith! They go into the various myths which inspired the various stories in the bible (such as the flood), and the history of particular parts of the old testament library (they also have one for the new testament but I haven't watched it so don't know how good it is)

Look into apocrypha! The Nag Hammai scriptures, the gospel of Judas etc. Might actually be super interesting to you if you like the myth/history aspect! They're the books which were de-classified as canon (or never were canon), but all were written super early (2nd century) I specifically recommend the Gospel of Mary Magdalene and the Gospel of Judas. "Lost scriptures" by Ehrman is a great laymans book explaining the histories/controversies around this and even goes into the controversies surrounding the secret gospel of Mark aka the gospel where Jesus seems to have gay sex. (Ehrman writes a lot of good layman books on the bible which might be worth looking at!)

If you're looking at the NT maybe look at books like Jesus the Jew by Geza Vermes or The Crucified God by moltmamn. They're a bit specialised but it is SUPER important to modern historical studies of jesus to situate him as a Jew because that is who he was! Also Moltmamns book is v leftist and not fundamentalist.

"And man created God" by Selina O'Grady goes into detail about all the OTHER religions around during the 1st century (emperor cults etc.) Which is great for context for the gospels and also learning about cool religious traditions around in the 1st century!

Queer theology? Maybe? Might be fun for ya? Queer readings of the Bible are abundant from Ruth, Judas, David and Jonathan and jesus and there's quite a few books on them (I'm not dropping any here because I've read some Intense Theological Ones which Im not sure would appeal but if you Google you will find)

Look into Song of Songs the Official Sex is Good and Holy Book in the bible! (It's also just beautifully written)

Looking at things like "the Muslim Jesus" might also be interesting? Little collections of how Islam has viewed/interpreted Judaism and Christianity and why is always interesting and often another angle on those myths/historical documents

I'm sure other people could give you more ideas/ways to approach! I approached from a non religious angle but my institution was firmly situated in the Christian tradition so is slightly biased that way. But anyway! I just thought I'd give some starting points you could look at on the myth/history angle?

Have a lovely day!

I AM LOOKING??!!?? gd this is EXACTLY what I didn’t know I needed, all of this sounds very up my alley & like it’ll be great for what I’d be trying to get out of it. like. I have gone from “this is a thing I’ve been idly thinking about” to “this is a thing I could reasonably do and where I could start”!

I’ve done a little bit of looking into queer readings of things in the past (particularly david & jonathan) but then I had a years-long period that I technically still haven’t gotten out of where I physically could not bring myself to open a bible so I haven’t tried to actually read those stories myself while keeping a queer perspective in mind. also have had more years of lit classes that I dropped out of halfway through the semester so I have slightly more knowledge of how to dissect and analyze Texts than I used to

[azelmaandeponine]

I saw a interpretation of Filbrick that is kind strange and I want your opinion:

"I consider him a man of extreme tough love and concerned with making money in order to provide for his family, and those are thoughts I subscribe to as canon interpretation as well.

I don’t view him as abusive like a majority of the fandom seems to from what I’ve perused on him.

At least he’s not intentionally.

His actions in some instances can be viewed as such especially from a modern light, but they’re never from a place of maliciousness or hate. They come from a place of love and worry, in a time where being emotionally vulnerable (having heart to hearts and being frank with feelings) for a man is not only looked down upon, but can be detrimental to overall success and survival. So he’s ’not easily impressed’ and closed off. Gets angry when something valued gets lost rather than being sad or hurt by it because it’s easier and safer. (there’s a reason why he never got rid of the ‘#1 Dad’ marking on his pendant that Stan had given him - that hit him where it counted and he cherished it).

Tough love was an extreme back then, and making your kid stand outside for two days holding a sign saying 'extra stan 2$' is certainly not the best way to go about motivating your son to do better in school Filbrick.

Has a very ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ mentality because he knows no one else in the world will give exception to his sons having a heart and being sensitive. He’s the only one who they can afford to make mistakes with and learn from before the world gets its claws in them. He’s very loyal and doesn’t take kindly to people trying to harm his family… even said family. (why he insisted on boxing lessons, is part of a holy mackerel brotherhood, and why he even reacted as he did when learning about Stan and the project - he honestly believed that Stan had betrayed the family and sabotaged his brother because Stan has always been known for lying even as a kid [aka the pendent incident], it was an assumption that Ford didn’t correct him on and probably could have changed the whole outcome of if he hadn’t been devastated with the same feelings of betrayal).

Throwing Stan out in canon while in anger, was awful, I won't forgive that, but it did happen a lot back then especially at 17-18 when kids were both 'considered' or officially adults, and could go off on their own. You can still see that kinda thought process even nowadays in older folks to prevent 'mooching' or 'being a bum'.

I personally believe he’s just a man of his time and of his circumstances. Can come across heartless but does have a huge one just hidden away. I like to think he didn’t go to Stan’s ‘funeral’ because he still felt betrayed, yes (how could his kid do that to his own brother and force them to live in poverty and slog through life like that out of jealousy?), but that he didn’t go because he just couldn’t handle it. He would’ve been too broken and vulnerable about it. Or that… maybe he was dead by that time.

There’s literally no way anyone can convince me that Filbrick didn’t sit alone staring at that ‘#1 Dad’ pendant in the dark of his room without tears on his face.

Unless you’re Alex Hirsch, then I beg you not to break my heart like that lol"

What do you think?

I'm sorry, they lost me at "I don't view him as abusive". It's literally canon he is.

As for the rest...does this person know abusers can be multifaceted? That there are usually calmer moments in the abuse? Cause I don't think they know that.

All in all, it seems like this person doesn't know much about abuse, and can't fathom that a parent could be horrifically abusive to their kids because he was shown being fond of a gift one of his kids gave him.

[aloekat]

giving pokemon teams to d20 characters!

The Bad Kids / Fantasy High!

pt 1/?

part 1 || part 2

hello chat and welcome to aloe shoves their hyperfixation onto everything they enjoy! making pokemon teams for fictional characters has always been a fun past time for me that i enjoy greatly so i wanted to apply that to dimension 20! i plan on doing every season once i’ve watched it, starting with all the intrepid hero seasons before moving on to side quest seasons

(also i finally decided to post these after @jadelion made posts sharing their team picks, so go check those posts out as there are some great choices! i also wouldnt be inspired to finally post these without him doing so first! i made my list completely independent of hers so if there's the same pokemon its purely coincidental lol)

first i want to talk about some guidelines i’ve given myself for this, which will apply to future posts as well:

only 4 pokemon per team - this keeps things more easy and makes them feel closer to mid-game trainers rather than fully stacked end-game ones. or feel like gym leaders maybe? it also helps with rule 2…

try to have no repeat pokemon - this just keeps things unique between seasons but sometimes a pokemon is a perfect fit for more than one person but for the most part everyone gets unqiue pokemon and there are almost no doubles

low to no legendaries on teams unless for a good reason - same goes for shinies but im more lenient on the shiny rule lol

i made a lot of these these like 3 months ago as of posting this - some choices may be outdated or the character has changed enough that a choice may not fit as well but i didnt want to change it lol (this is solely for the fantasy high kids tbh)

thats all for the rules! finally it’s time to get into the teams!

! SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE CURRENT SEASON! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !

Kristen

Lycanroc - representing Tracker, again i made these before junior year so trackerbees was still a thing but i imagine it can count for cassandra also since it’s a night themed pokemon. don't know which form of lycanroc she would have though Solrock - she was given solrock during her time with Helio, and while i know sunflora exists i think solrock makes a little more sense, since she was a chosen of Helio she would be at an elevated status and therefor have a better pokemon if that makes sense? it also pairs with... Lunatone - representing her change to Cassandra, a goddess of night. there's like cool symbolism with her pokemon now wow isn't that so cool and awesome!! Unown ("?") - a question mark unown to represent Yes? (and the other Yes forms) along with her cool question mark staff! can also ALSO symbolize doubt with cassandra

Fig

Toxitricity (Low Key) - low key form gives the vibes of a bass and Fig plays the bass! toxitricity would help fig practice her instrument and come up with music. also literally called “the punk pokemon”

Obstagoon - similar reasoning, obstagoon has The Vibes that fit along with also being a sort of rock n roll pokemon

Moltres - representing Ayda, i imagine Ayda gifted it to her once they became girlfriends :)

Mimikyu - a pokemon known for its imitation of another pokemon, very much fits into Fig’s actor feat and her high deception and her not wanting to be her real self sometimes

Fabian

Dhelmise - big connection to his father and being a pirate, his father probably gifted it to him as his first pokemon

Marowak (Alolan) - fun idea i had for this is he originally just had a cubone with him during freshman year, but once he went to Fallinel and learned about the power of dance it evolved into an alolan marowak! it's a fire dance pokemon of course he would have it lol

Sirfetch'd - representing his mother and also his general fencing/fighter style that he works with

Tentacruel - just a cool ass water pokemon i feel he would have, also vaguely pirate-y with big kraken vibes

Riz

Pikachu - detective pikachu go brrrrr i imagine he would have gotten a pichu when very young, and it's evolved over time! it would wear a tiny detective hat as well because um i said so

Inteleon - super spy/gun pokemon also go brrrr, very much a reference to his father and just the general super spy-ness of Riz and Pok in junior year especially

Togekiss - ok this one feels very out of place and i forgot why it was here originally BUT i think it's to represent like a guardian angel sort of? again another reference to Pok because i love Pok and think he's very cool

Voltorb - he's the ball. this is a pokeball pokemon. are we starting to connect the dots

Adaine

Politoad - representing Boggy of course, nothing much else to say

Espeon - a very psychic pokemon representing her oracle powers, it would be fun to think that she had an eevee that simply evolved into an espeon once Adaine realized that she in fact was the elven oracle!

Delphox - another powerful psychic pokemon, again this is just vibes and it's a cool pokemon and adaine is a very cool character lol

Audino - these pokemon are known for being able to hear super well and know how their trainers are feeling from listening to their heartbeat. a gift given by Jawbone to help with Adaine's anxiety but still a good member of her team regardless

Gorgug

Archen - "i'm Cloaca, i suck!"

Gogoat - a grassy pokemon which can sorta represent the tree he lives in but also intended to represent Zelda in some ways (again i wrote these before junior year came out). it would help him carry around a lot of scraps for tinkering

Rotom - found in the village near the Nightmare King's forest, this rotom had gotten lost in the forest and, with no tech from solace nearby, couldn't find a way home. gorgug rescued it and lets it inhabit the Hangvan a lot

Rillaboom - another grassy pokemon but this one is also a drummer! can we take a wild guess as to why i picked this one. for it's drumming ability. because. because gorgug is a drummer.

=====

whew ok that's the first season done! i'll probably do unsleeping city next, which will be linked to this post once it's done!

have a better option that would fit a PC better? please tell me i would love to hear everyone's takes on this!

ok that's it that's the post everyone go home now (once again go look at @jadelion for their pokemon team picks!)

[savindeku]

as a long time bnha fan, had to drop some thoughts i’ve been having about the manga ending! i’ve held this series near and dear to my heart, through the moments when i felt it was great story telling and when i felt so much was missing, or didn’t quite hit the mark. so i definitely don’t think bnha (or hori) is above critique, i love to yap about this series ((:

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE ENTIRE SERIES BUT OF COURSE PARTICULARLY FOR CHAP 430

to me, there’s three main parts to the ending that i felt make sense:

izuku giving up OFA

izuku becoming a teacher

izuku still having the chance to be a true quirkless hero

going into depth on each of these, while i love the inclusion of these three pieces, i can understand why the actual execution didn’t land with folks. even i have my qualms! okay let’s get into it! ps. this is really me just yapping away from the heart so bare with it 🫰🏽

1) izuku giving up OFA:

I think this one should not come as too much of a surprise, given that the reveal of OFA essentially being the cause of the early demises of the previous holders sort of insinuated an uncontrollable aspect to the power. even though izuku has an advantage as someone who was quirkless, it still creates a sense of foreshadowing that this is a gift that might have an expiration date. of course, a part of me would have loved for him not to have given it up but there’s enough build up there that it doesn’t feel out of left field. in addition to the running theme in the series being that anyone can be a hero/a quirk doesn’t make a hero, there’s certainly some symbolism in izuku now affectively being without, making him a quirkless hero - what he had dreamed of since the first chapter.

2) izuku becoming a teacher:

personally, i really love this for him! as a consumer of many a fanfic, i have grown obsessed with this job alternative for him, since it allows him to continue to work in the hero field, he can inspire the next generation to save to win (that as long as you willing to extend that helping hand, that’s what being a real hero is), his analytic mind is doing important work, and can use his own experience to help others learn! “deku sensei” makes my heart so happy and if anything, i would’ve loved an extra chapter just to see him as a teacher. one thing ill add here is, i can understand some disappointment with this or frustration at hori because to some, it may seem izuku ended up becoming complacent and didn’t at least try to continue to pursue his dream of being a hero after the war. not sure where i fall on this, but food for thought.

3) izuku still having the chance to be a true quirkless hero (sorry this is gonna be long lol):

now to really get into the big reveal for this final chapter - a tech suit designed just for izuku (at the main request of a one katsuki bakugou, which yeah i Will Be Totally Normal About) so he can still be on the field as a pro-hero!! okay i also loved this, i won’t deny it as much as im on the deku sensei train! bnha is a series that is never going to please everyone and its ripe with many issues throughout but i do think this was a beautiful way to wrap it up. once again, from chapter 1, we are met with izuku who wants nothing more to be a hero despite being quirkless. i never really liked the argument of “well why didn’t he try harder or train up” when the series explains to us over and over again that this is a society that values quirks above all else. its a literal systemic issue (hitting close to home but i digress), where izuku would NEVER have been accepted as a quirkless hero no matter how hard he worked because it simply isn’t designed to allow that (also where the fuck would he have gotten the resources for that is beyond me lmao).

to me, this part was actually very important for bringing the story to a full circle in which we actually (somewhat, but arguable not completely) address the core issue and theme “people are not born equal”. instead of perpetuating a “pull yourself up by your boot straps” mindset, hori tells a story where we acknowledge the system and how it is working as intended - and that’s the very reason it needed dismantling. of course, i think along the way, we maybe lost the plot at times (thinking about how we didn’t fully address izuku’s martyrdom mindset, children get sent off to war multiple times, most of the villains being k*lled off rather than being saved as izuku wanted) but there’s much evidence of this. knowing that there was still the spirit of a hero in izuku - which is MADE SO CLEAR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HAVING A QUIRK - and he now has the chance to continue onward, quirkless. i mean c’mon, it’s really something (to me at least).

bonus note time

here’s a sprinkle of random lingering thoughts. one critique i saw was that it felt strange for izuku to accept he couldn’t be a pro-hero until his friends (ehm mainly Katsuki teehee) gifted him the suit. as if he really just gave up and this sort of hurts any character development for izuku. while i see the thought process here and would’ve also welcomed izuku getting the suit designed himself, it doesn’t upset me quite as much that this is how it actually played out. it’s definitely conflicting feelings for me because ultimately i would’ve loved for izuku to have had an arc where it was more explicitly stated that he overcame his overly sacrificial tendencies - or that the story spent time sitting with the trauma inflicted on the children fighting a war. but here is where bnha slacks off (imo) - we don’t get that breath to explore or analyze or genuinely know izuku’s thoughts or feelings on the matter (beyond that he’s sad that shigaraki died, enjoys being a teacher, and can admit that he misses his quirk). so in this way, it makes sense why hori chose this path. it’s more about his friends extending their hand to him, an offering of never leaving anyone behind who is a hero, quirk or not. i think of it as something more symbolic than it having to say anything about izuku’s character. i think for that to be addressed, there’s so many things further back we would need to unravel too lol

lastly - bnha is also a story about disabilities!! there’s been a decent amount of analysis on this so i won’t say much but i think this is also good to keep in mind. it helps for understanding the metaphor in place - quirks can be disabling and rather than creating a world that is accessible to all, the world requires that you figure it out instead. “people are not born equal” what if we dared to dream of a world that understood “we each take shape differently…” so that we might want to care for one another. so we can build something that makes the space for all of us to be able to live and thrive.

okay so that’s what i’m feeling now! like i said, i really love bnha and i simply can’t bring myself to say i hated the ending or anything. it’s a series that will always have a special place in my heart! there’s are just thoughts rattling in my brain and how ive interpreted things as someone whose read the manga the last 5 years! it’s crazy to look back and remember key moments that shook the fandom to its core. anyway, if you read all of this, thanks!! :D

[themsource]

What are your headcanons about Filbrick and Caryn?

I’m going to assume from now on that any headcanon asks are for canon OG series unless stated otherwise lol

Thank you for the ask! <3

Filbrick Pines

I already made mention in an ask for my AU regarding Stan and Ford’s separate birthdays that I consider him a man of extreme tough love and concerned with making money in order to provide for his family, and those are thoughts I subscribe to as canon interpretation as well.

I don’t view him as abusive like a majority of the fandom seems to from what I’ve perused on him. 

At least he’s not intentionally. 

His actions in some instances can be viewed as such especially from a modern light, but they’re never from a place of maliciousness or hate. They come from a place of love and worry, in a time where being emotionally vulnerable (having heart to hearts and being frank with feelings) for a man is not only looked down upon, but can be detrimental to overall success and survival. So he’s ’not easily impressed’ and closed off. Gets angry when something valued gets lost rather than being sad or hurt by it because it’s easier and safer (there’s a reason why he never got rid of the ‘#1 Dad’ marking on his pendant that Stan had given him - that hit him where it counted and he cherished it).

Has a very ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ mentality because he knows no one else in the world will give exception to his sons having a heart and being sensitive. He’s the only one who they can afford to make mistakes with and learn from before the world gets its claws in them. He’s very loyal and doesn’t take kindly to people trying to harm his family… even said family (why he insisted on boxing lessons, is part of a holy mackerel brotherhood, and why he even reacted as he did when learning about Stan and the project - he honestly believed that Stan had betrayed the family and sabotaged his brother because Stan has always been known for lying even as a kid [aka the pendent incident], it was an assumption that Ford didn’t correct him on and probably could have changed the whole outcome of if he hadn’t been devastated with the same feelings of betrayal).

I personally believe he’s just a man of his time and of his circumstances. Can come across heartless but does have a huge one just hidden away. I like to think he didn’t go to Stan’s ‘funeral’ because he still felt betrayed, yes (how could his kid do that to his own brother and force them to live in poverty and slog through life like that out of jealousy?), but that he didn’t go because he just couldn’t handle it. He would’ve been too broken and vulnerable about it. Or that… maybe he was dead by that time. 

There’s literally no way anyone can convince me that Filbrick didn’t sit alone staring at that ‘#1 Dad’ pendant in the dark of his room without tears on his face.

Unless you’re Alex Hirsch, then I beg you not to break my heart like that lol

Also he feels like the kind of person who made friends with people usually by getting into fistfights first in his youth 😂 Being that emotionally constipated. Seriously, who gives cinderblock samples for Hanukkah gifts? Lordy lmao (it's both sad and funny, finances are tight, I'm telling you - though I do take B.O.B. with a grain of salt)

Truthfully I headcanon that Stan not only looks like him like Ford said, but acts like him too. Just in a less jaded and detached way due to being lonelier without the bond a wife and kids could help provide (he does tough love too but more reasonably what with Dipper and wanting him to stand up to him or making him do chores he doesn't like).

Caryn Pines

She’s… a hard one to pin down for me honestly. Only because we get so little from her in the Gravity Falls media. 

I think she’s very caring though and very much family oriented just like the rest of the pines (given how concerned she was for Stan during Ford’s principal meeting when no one else was even thinking about him, and how we can assume she kept contact in some way with Stan for Stan to know about Ford’s college money and phone number, since we know Filbrick likely wasn’t talking to Stan otherwise he possibly would’ve gone home. Filbrick reads as a grudge holder too like Ford).

In fact, I headcanon her as the female equivalent to Filbrick. All the same interests and investment but given that freedom to be emotional and openly affectionate given her sex. She’s literally a kleptomaniac (a person with a mental disorder that is compelled to steal unnecessary items and will suffer anxiety or pressure unless they do so in order to feel relief) and a pathological liar (which can be hand and hand with kleptomania but can also be exclusive - and she openly uses this to her advantage as a psychic to earn money).

Filbrick matches this in a way with his desire to haggle and swindle via the pawn shop like she does via phone, obviously coming across as the both of them having a great deal of love for money (security, provision).

I do feel as if she doesn’t feel… as dependent about money like her husband. She doesn’t get upset about the missing pendant when the twins are younger, she doesn’t focus on the fact that Ford could become a millionaire, no she pays attention to basic needs. Insisting on the twins wearing and sharing a sweater to stay warm, telling them to be home by dinner while they have fun (even if it’s a little absent minded that she misses the whole ‘fight the devil’ thing they mention as they’re leaving), and the fact she’s the one seen trying to take care of Shermie as a baby (you can read my headcanons on him from a previous ask) while at the same time being concerned over the fight going on with Stan and Filbrick.

Caryn also doesn’t hold grudges I think, at least not with family and maybe is even willing to hear them out given the communication she had with Stan and the fact she did attend his funeral when no one else did. It’s clear she didn’t believe Stan had betrayed the family on purpose, and that her little ‘free spirit’ had just ended up in a bad situation yet again. 

The arguments people make of how she could’ve done something that I’ve seen when it comes to Stan being kicked out… I have to say this was the 70s. She really was tied up and did what she could. 

There was no stopping or changing what was to happen on her own. As a lady of her time, her husband had made a decision and it was final. It’s possible she believed it was intentional too at first as she didn’t know what was even happening when it occurred. Even if she believed otherwise, what real option was there? She leave and end up on the streets too? In the 70s not many places were lining up to offer women work and definitely not at a livable wage like men, more so single mothers (reputation was everything and a single mother was unfortunately seen as a harlot and liability not just financially but to company integrity). Stan couldn’t of helped support her either, he could barely manage to support himself as was.

Plus she had a baby to take care of, leaving Shermie with just Filbrick (because Ford was still going off to college either way thanks to BMU) wouldn’t have been the smart thing to do. Babies need emotional empathy and care to develop properly according to science, of which Filbrick given his personality couldn’t have provided even if his love language was a roof and three square meals. It’s not hugs, kisses and affirming words.

The only fault I see there is that she possibly didn’t say anything. She could have at least made a statement or two even if she couldn’t physically do anything.

But I headcanon that she did do that, and even gave the cold shoulder for a while until she got in contact with Stan. And then proceeded over the years to act as a go between keeping Stan informed on the family and Filbrick and Ford informed on Stan.

It’s funny to imagine her on the phone with Stan and telling Filbrick what’s happening, knowing the stubborn man is curious even if still upset and smirking as she speaks for Filbrick like an emotional translator to Stan.

“Oh Filly, Stanley started selling sponges!”

*Grunts, shifts newspaper.*

“Your dad says to make sure you charge an extra five cents based on absorption rate, hon.”

And I think that she didn’t know how bad it really was for Stan, as Stan wouldn’t want her to until he’d earned his way back home and the family’s forgiveness. It's clear he's ashamed about it when he lies during his life story retelling to the kids in the show. Unlike with Ford, who despite everything he still felt the closest to and had moments where he wanted to reach out to him for help, for that old comfort and reliability.

Her middle name being ‘Romanoff’ does give me both russian and romani vibes I have to say. So I do have some headcanons there where I can see her drinking even seasoned sailors under the table, and having a thing for gaudy jewelry like the pines men and their chains (she totally would’ve worn one of those beautiful over the top rhinestone wedding dresses like what you’d see on ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’ in my opinion lol). Maybe even having been traveling before meeting Filbrick and settling down, a roamer and grifter like Stanley turns into but more... successful, I guess.

[clover-the-awesomest]

Talkin bout Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel) for a hot sec okay thanks

Okay. Listen. This is a pretty big topic I’m gonna be delving into, and it’s a topic I’ve had no real exposure to until recently, so a lot of the things I’ll be saying is of my own opinion. I will be talking about SA, child abuse, abuse in general, alcohol, self-destructing, SH, and Hazbin Hotel in general. All of these are very big topics (Yes, including Hazbin lol) so if you are not keen on listening to some outsider talk about these things, please leave. I don’t want you reading something that will actively make you uncomfortable.

And again, let me reiterate: I am an outsider looking in. I have had no real exposure to any of these topics until I watched Hazbin Hotel episode 4. This is not meant to be a call-out or me making any educated guesses. It is purely just for my sake and so I can say my piece about these topics. DO NOT, IN ANY CASE, ASSUME I KNOW 100% WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT. I AM YOUNG AND DUMB, AND I AM VERY LIKELY TO MAKE SOME HOT TAKES HERE. IF I MAKE A MISTAKE OR SAY SOMETHING CONTROVERSIAL, DO NOT HESITATE TO HARRASS ME, BUT BE WARNED THAT I WILL NOT ENGAGE.

One final disclaimer: If you know anyone. ANYONE who is going through a rough patch, or someone who has experienced any of these things before or are currently going through it, please please PLEASE just at least reach out. Say hi. Make them a gift. Listen to them talk. Sit with them for a while. Stay on call with them for a while. Just… Just be there for them. Please. Even a little can go a long way.

With all that out of the way, here is my very overdue take on Hazbin Hotel episode 4: Masquerade.

———

====

It is depressing. Genuinely, it is a very sad and very raw episode. And honestly? It does not deserve any of the hate that it is most certainly receiving.

Masquerade is an episode all about the horrors of an abusive (Sexually and otherwise) relationship and how it affects the one being abused. Angel Dust, who’s been shown before this episode to be very toxic and sexual, is once again given the spotlight that he very much deserves, shedding light on his behavior and why he acts the way he acts.

What is genuinely saddening about this episode is that we know that what Angel goes through is not far from reality in the slightest. If we take away the magic and the soul contracts, we get a day in the life of a real human being in the world right now as you are reading this. Someone is out there being hurt, being abused, by someone they once looked up to. They are being manipulated, being slapped, being thrown against the floor, and all the while they are powerless to do anything. It’s such a sad, sickening reality that I wish wasn’t true, but it is, and that’s that. I want more than anything to be able to help these people who are being hurt and are being used, but I currently have no way of doing that and I feel so so terrible and wrong for saying that but it’s true and I just… Ugh. It’s so depressing, really. The lengths that other human beings are willing to go to just to have someone under their control at all times. I hate it, truly.

“When I say ‘Come,’ you say…”

“Yes, Valentino.”

“When I say you are fucking 20 guys before lunch, you say…?”

“Y-yes, Valentino…”

…

Valentino wants money and control. That is all this fucker wants. The moment he laid eyes on Angel’s desperate drunken ass he instantly knew he struck gold, and just like that, the spider was under his control. In the beginning, Angel did just as he was told with little pushback, because he was looking to make a quick buck and this was also literally a goddamn overlord he was working with. Disappointing his boss could spell disaster! After a while though, Val’s demands became much more intrusive and much more harsh than they were at the beginning, and Angel’s hope for a fresh start began to slowly fade away. Soon enough, he got to where he is now. Still working with Valentino, but wanting desperately to find a way out. To be free from this double-hell that he’s dug himself into. To be happy again. But of course, now that he’s dug himself a grave and has already lied in it for some time, he can’t exactly escape. Valentino has seen his work first-hand, has experienced it with his own disgusting fuzzy body, and loves it all with every fiber in his bones. He doesn’t just want someone to fuck 20 guys before lunch. He wants Angel to fuck 20 guys before lunch. He’s found his new favorite toy, and he intends to keep playing with it.

Now this is where the manipulation comes in. Angel wants to leave, he knows he does, but he also knows that he can’t. Literally, he can’t, because his soul is bound by a contract that only Val has access to, but even without that in the picture, he cannot leave. It was shown via a previous episode (I forget which one I’m not sorry) that Valentino cannot and will not let go of his favorite toy. He sends Angel text after text after text, voicemails, emails, calls, you name it. We see a clip of him sending Angel a large amount of voicemails, and in each one he switched between being nice and caring to his spider baby to going full on insane! He yells at Angel in one voicemail, then starts cooing and whispering in kindly tones in the next. It’s such a terrifying way of showing the abused that the abuser can change their mood on a dime and that they can’t control it. That they need an out, something to let their frustrations out on. It terrifies the abused into staying, leaving them both to fester in this cycle of cat and mouse for a while before one of them inevitably breaks said cycle. Though it usually isn’t broken until it’s too late.

There is one upper hand that Angel has over Valentino though, and it’s that he knows what Valentino is doing and doesn’t fall for those kinds of tricks. Angel is a spider, and spiders are well-known for being tricky and sinister and gross, so naturally he’d pick up on Val’s manipulative behavior. This then leads Angel into another issue in his life though, and that’s his coping mechanisms.

Since Angel knows how terrible Valentino’s treatment towards him is, and since he knows how much it hurts him, he turns to other things that don’t exactly help. Alcohol, drugs, clubbing, more goddamn sex like can this man please just stop having sex if he wants to get away from it please can he just have a break por favor-

These are good substitutes for the pain. They are like numbing agents, or more questionable anti-depressants. Angel goes to the club to forget it all, to forget how much everything hurts. He goes to get heavy drinks so that he can forget. He gets high so he can forget. He has sex so he can forget.

He hurts himself more so that he can forget.

Rather than talking with someone and dealing with his stress and emotional turmoil head-on, Angel pushes it away. Off to the side. Bottles it up in a small plastic container where he’ll never have to see it again! But when leaving a glass of water under the tap for too long, it’ll quickly begin to overflow, and that’s what we see happen with Angel in Masquerade. It’s been so long of him using his illegal methods of forgetting, of numbing the pain and ignoring it, that everything just begins to spill over. He starts losing his touch, starts affecting those around him who clearly had nothing to do with any of it in the first place. He oversteps Husk’s boundaries, is constantly rude to Charlie and Vaggie, and just straight up ignores everyone else. (As far as I’m aware. Not mentioning Pentious in this btw cuz he’s a temporary resident at the hotel.) Even when Husk calls Angel out on his behavior, even when he calls the guy fake, the spider does not, CANNOT, budge. He remains indignant, is still a cocky little bitch, and just tries his hardest to not drag everyone else down with him. It backfires horribly, of course, and Husk soon ends up dragging him away from his escape, from his anti-depressant. And Angel snaps.

”IT’S NOT AN ACT!! It’s who I need to be…! And this? This is my escape! Where I can forget about it all, how much I hate… EVERYTHING. A place where I can get high and not have to think about how much it hurts.”

And then… We get this line.

“And maybe, if I can ruin myself enough in the process, if I end up broken, I won’t be his favorite toy anymore.

And maybe he’ll let me go.”

…

This line hurts me so much. My chest aches every time I hear it. Because what it entails is genuinely horrifying. Angel is telling Husk that he is literally just a toy to Valentino, just a perfect plastic doll that he loves in a perfect plastic house that he owns. The spider doesn’t know how much it’ll take to full break himself, doesn’t know if he’s even able to do that, but at this rate he is very ready to see if he can. He wants to do that, he wants to break himself. Angel wants to become physically unable to do Valentino’s dirty work, to get thrown away just like all of Val’s previous toys did. He wants, more than anything else, to just get tossed into the trash and get crushed by the truck that collects him, just so he doesn’t have to be hurt by Valentino anymore.

But the part of his speech that truly hurts me is when he says that MAYBE Valentino will let him go. If Angel was so sure that his idea would work, that breaking his boss’s favorite toy will get him to lose interest, he would’ve said “And then he’ll finally let me go.” But instead he says Maybe. Because Angel isn’t even sure if Valentino will let him be free after all this. He is unsure if Val will lose interest, if he’ll be tossed aside, if he’ll be able to find happiness in his afterlife once he is broken. He’s so far from what he dreamed of that he is more than willing to hurt/kill himself, even when he’s unaware if it’ll even help him in the first place.

Seriously. How sickening is that??

And again, one of the saddest aspects of all this is that real people experience these things in real time, in the real world, right now, as you are reading this. It’s terrifying, scary, downright depressing to think about! How so many people are willing to kill themselves just for the slightest chance at grasping freedom, yet are unsure if they can even reach it once they have that chance.

The worst part is, though, is that before opening up to Husk, this was literally Angel’s only way of finding freedom. To break himself apart so that he couldn’t be used anymore. If he can’t be broken, if he can’t die, then Val will just keep using and using and using Angel. He’ll keep hurting him and abusing him and manipulating him, and the poor guy is very unable to do anything about it at the moment. It’s so sad and so twisted and I hate it so much.

This episode of Hazbin Hotel has been getting a pretty fair amount of hatred just for existing, and honestly for once, I can see why. It touches on a very, very heavy subject that not too many people are fully familiar with. And even if there are people who are familiar with/have experienced SA before, they most likely did not have the same experience as Angel does in the episode. Which, yeah duh, of course they didn’t! We’re not in Hell yet! But the way they go about it is horrible. I’m assuming people are hating on the episode for both painting SA in a terrible light, and also not being true to their specific events. So, in response to this, let me just say this…

Nobody, no matter what, no matter what you do or where you go or who you are, is gonna have the same exact experience. For example, I went on a big hiking trip with my dad over the summer, and I saw many other families go on the same exact path we did. And yet I could tell they all were doing fine, and they all enjoyed themselves, while I was feeling like I was gonna fall and die at any fucking moment and I just wanted to get back on solid ground. The view was nice but the journey honestly made me think I was gonna go splat right then and there and I was not too happy about that.

What I’m saying is that I did not have the same exact experience to anyone else on that trail. Everyone else except for me was doing fine, yet their experiences were all purely their own. This is what makes us human. The difference in appearance, expression, and experience. Thus, for people to come out and watch an episode all about SA and for them to expect it to be exactly as they imagined… No. just no. Get a therapist, please, because you clearly have something wrong with you.

And as for painting SA in a terrible light… That’s… That’s good though? SA is genuinely a horrible thing and I do not, under any circumstances, want anyone ever to go through anything remotely like it. We are human beings! We have compassion in our blood! Use it, for fuck’s sake! I do not want anyone to ever be hurt by anyone else that they know or love dearly. That is a thought I’d never wish on even my greatest enemy! So yes, it should be painted in a horrible, terrible light! It’s bad!

====

———

This episode was… It was a lot. I still get sad and depressed to this day whenever I watch it. What I watch Angel go through makes me sick. However, I’m glad that issues like these are being addressed and that people are talking about it. I don’t like it in the slightest, but that’s why it should be talked about more. We need to be able to help more people, and even though I can’t right now, I pray to God that someone out there is hopefully getting the help and love that they truly do deserve.

Thank you so so much for reading through that whole thing, I know it was a long one. I just have so many thoughts on episode 4. I’ve been working on this for almost an hour and a half now btw so I am very gladly going to end it here. Hope you show some love and respect to those close to you and I really do hope you keep the negative thoughts to yourself. Now go get yourself a drink of water, go eat a banana or a bowl of cheerios, text your loved ones and hug ur stuffed animal, and have a great day/night! Thank you.

[atmymercy]

Reading Feedback:

So I got the spirit tea reading (again for like the billionth time oop 🤭). And it was so amazing! I wasn’t expecting the first part to come up and was shoookkk as I read it. It’s something I’ve been feeling and literally can’t stop thinking about,, so the fact that it was brought up was like confirmation for me. My intuition was right and that scares and amazes me at the same time because of other things I think my intuition has been trying to tell me?? Ahhh. Lol I told my little sister about it and she was like “well duhh we talk about this all the time,, it’s for real”. And I was like “I know but stilllll”. Ahhh omg I was stunned. And the fact that my guides are super duper serious about this too? Like oh!! Lemme stop playing fr :3 They really called me out in the nicest way possible lol!

This reading was so accurate especially about my feelings!! Everything just makes sense! I got really great, relevant advice I really needed— Omg!! btw about that part where they said to “let sleeping dogs lie”, it was said again in a movie I watched today! In Fantastic Four—the early 2000s one—Johnny Storm says it. I wasn’t even focused on the movie but that really caught my attention and I completely zoned in for some reason lol. I was thinking “wait I think this phrase is important…” and then remembered this reading!!

And I also got an additional clarification that was super duper helpful as well. I highly recommended getting this reading done! It's just the best!! need I say moreeee? (because I can! I can yap! lmao)

Thank you so much!! Gahh I don’t know what else to say!! I’m so grateful for you fr!!😭❤️❤️

(Sorry this is long asf lol!)

hello golden!

you did! and omg! that was fun and very telling! especially because they would not stop talking about the first part! so it's funny how much that part talks to you! it was obviously meant to be going straight to you! lol honestly love how that exchange can shake you to your core because then you know how strong of a connection you have with your spirit guides that they can speak and you just feel it! so cute! so moving! eee! and omg! i laughed at your sister part! like duh!!! and that's the feeling they were giving to! like this is a given! a given gift! lol and nice call outs are fun! i'm just happy to be apart of the call out! lolol like "yeah! get her spirit!" that's me! lol

omg! i love how you found that saying somewhere else! omg! such a random place yet it's so perfect for you, honey! i love how connected you are with your clairaudience as well! eee! we're so vibing and that's so amazing! your spirit guides are doing an amazing job of showing you how everything connects and giving you hints along the way! eee! i'm getting goosebumps! are you? i bet! lol

also i can't help but think of the snowball effect you mentioned in your book club response! it's like we are causing snowball effects in each other by both radiating love and positivity to each other! eee! we're causing a snowball to grow and cascade down the path for us! love it!

aww! i'm so grateful for you, honey! eee! yep! i'm positive we are absolutely causing a snowball effect with our love and effort being pointed in like the same direction for each other! yay! it's giving me such a silly grin for my face! lolol i can't help but giggle and just say thank you again, honey! this effort and care mean so much to me! i so happy i can express that to you and share it with you! yay!

love & light!

-tea

♡ message me for details/questions & to book a reading! ♡

[eureka-its-zico]

So I just finished reading the 5th chapter for the 4th time - will continue to do so till the next chapter - and decided that I owe you a few words of gratitude.

I haven't read any fanfiction stories in a couple of years. And wasn't actually planning on starting any time soon, if I'm being honest. Not because of any prejudice, mind you😅 But just wasn’t feeling like I'm interested in one. On top of that, I was never into One Piece, but caved in under constant demands friendly recommendations to watch the Netflix adaptation (and maybe catching a little tiny crush).

This is when the beginning of the story finds us - me, a week ago, upon finishing my 3d rewatch, scrolling through the tag here and coming upon your post with the first chapter. I was planning to energetically scroll by, but then I saw the words count and went: "Hhhhmmmmm🤨🧐🤔🤔🤔". And this right here is a SUCKER for long things. So, deciding "What the hell, I don't have anything to do right now anyway", I've jumped right in and went through all four chapters. And then I did it again. And once again the next day. And then started to reread favorite parts, desperately waiting for the 5th chpater.

Thank you so much for gifting us such a fantastic and amazingly written story!! Your writing is superb, well-realized and so gripping that I find myself returning again and again. I honestly desire for it to be canon in the show, because you did the greatest job with putting your lead right into the story - it's so easy to visualise, reading it is like watching the show in my head.

It would've been incredible to read even without the romance, but that part is just *Chef's kiss* (I'll take one from the waiter as well😈😈😈). The building of their relationship is just perfection, with the constant bickering and teasing. But the soft and sweet moments (so many in this chapter, honestly), like how he didn't want to let her go to the kitchen, give me quite literal butterflies in the stomach🥰💙

The conflict in Zoro is so fascinating to read, even though it's very heartbreaking, because he's just not letting himself be happy here. The angst IS REAL and I'm fully prepared to die with the next chapter, given the subject matter😅

All the characters are brilliantly written and such a joy to read! Can't wait to see what else you'll be so generous to give us in the feature!!! Thank you so much, once again💐🌷🪻⚘️🌸🩵

P.S. I'm BEGGING you to still give us "That’s a date" scene! She should just be petty and become besties with Sanji in order to annoy Zoro for being a selfish asshole, who's throwing himself into death matches😈🤣🤣🤣

Osiyo, Carrot!!

I’m not going to lie. I’ve been holding onto your ask for a while. It was incredibly humbling to read it and, like you rereading Chaos in Their Bones, I have reread your comment about the same.

I’m so happy that you took a chance on reading my fanfiction and find it funnier that it was due to the fact of my word count. I am always paranoid that my word counts are too large. I wish I knew how to write smaller 🤣🤣 so I found it ironic that what intrigued you the most to start reading it was the length.

“Reading it is like watching the show in my head.” This comment right here feels me with so much joy. I know that this is fanfiction. It’s supposed to be fun and a place for fantasies and escapism, but I put so much effort into making sure it feels authentic and the characters realistic and it’s immersive in the best possible way. So, reading that comment made this one of my favorite I’d ever received.

As for the Sanji part I cannot confirm or deny that a date like interaction happens lol.

Thank you so much for sending me this wonderful review comment on Chaos in Their Bones and taking the time to send it. It has made a difficult week more bearable. I hope you have a wonderful weekend 🖤 Much love

[reiding-writing]

Cold!Reader having to be given pain meds that make her out of character? Still having her vibe of being stand-offish and blunt but just a little more… open and happy LOL

VISITATION — SPENCER REID!

the team come to visit you post surgery, you’re feeling a little more accepting than usual

spencer reid x cold!reader | fluff | 1.0k | cold!reader masterlist.

cw— fem!reader, injured reader, reader is in hospital

a/n— i’m trying to get back into a rhythm, i promise-

main masterlist.

“Heyyy, welcome back to the land of the living,” The sharp enthusiasm in Morgan’s voice could make you wince if you had the energy to.

“How’re you feeling?” Emily enters shortly behind him, peeking her head over his shoulder with a bouquet of bright yellow and orange flowers in hand.

“Like I got shot in the shoulder?” You blink heavily, eyes squeezed shut before re-opening as the rest of the team file into the room. “What’s with the flowers?”

“They’re for you!” Garcia plucks the bouquet from Emily, a tall empty glass in her other hand, and leaves the flowers propped up inside it on the table next to your hospital bed. “Reid picked them out,”

“He did huh?” You sound remarkably more tired than usual, words slow and quiet despite your seemingly fully awake state.

“They’re calendulas, uh— marigolds,” Spencer scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, like he’s embarrassed to be given the credit for your gift. “They’re said to represent strength, healing, and resilience, and are even actually used as a natural healing agent thanks to their antimicrobial attributes—”

“Reid,” Hotch shakes his head shortly to cut off his tangent, and Spencer nods with a mouthed “sorry,”, pressing his lips together.

“Thank you for the flowers Reid,” You wave your left hand to dismiss Hotch’s intervention, or at least try to, nose scrunching up in discomfort from the strain it puts on the muscles in your shoulder. “Let’s hope they actually work,”

There’s a small smile that breaks through Spencer’s awkwardness at your indirect way of confirming that his tangent wasn’t of any annoyance to you.

“Yellow is the poster colour for optimism, and orange is often regarded as it’s first runner up,”

You give a small hum at his assessment, nodding slowly with a small sigh. “I could use some goddamn optimism right now,”

“That bad huh?” Emily raises an eyebrow and you shake your head.

“I’m fine, I’ve got enough, whatever, in my system to not feel like my arm is literally going to fall off.” You adjust yourself to sit further upright with a groan, immediately met with Garcia at your side to assist you. “But it still hurts like a bitch,”

“No kidding,” Garcia frowns at the bandage peeking out underneath your hospital robes.

“Oh my poor girl, what did they do to you?” She tuts lightly as she reaches forward to remove some hair from your eyes, but you redirect her hand before it gets there.

“I don’t need to be fussed over,”

“But you deserve it my sexy little wonder-woman,” Garcia leans over with all of the determination of forcing you to accept her compliments as a kindergartener complimenting their teacher’s outfit. “It’s not often we get you in a position where you can’t run away from our love,”

“Okay—” You let out a mix of a groan and a sigh as she reaches over to hug around your neck, letting out a sharp hiss when she leans in a little too far. “Ow— ow, alright that’s enough—”

You push her away with your right hand, and she’s received safely by Morgan so she doesn’t make another leap to smother you in her affections and leave you in the hospital for even longer than you already have been.

“That’s enough babygirl, she gets it,”

Her reply is almost a pout, but she concedes with a small nod and a promise—a threat—to smother you in a hug the second you were discharged.

“You’re okay?” Spencer’s hand hovers uncertainly above your uninjured shoulder, like he’s afraid that even touching that’ll leave you in more pain.

“I’m fine Reid,” You give him a small nod, breathing out softly through your nose. “Just tired,”

“That’s understandable,” Spencer nods with an understanding smile, “A majority of pain medications given in hospitals have fatigue as a side effect,”

You give him a small hum, resting your head against the hospital bed’s headboard, landing your hand on top of his until they’re both resting on your shoulder properly. “Thank you,”

“For— for what?”

Your eyes flutter closed uncertainly. “I don’t know,”

It’s a rare moment of softness, almost too soft if the way Spencer’s heart rate picks up has anything to say about it.

“Maybe we should keep you like this all the time,” Morgan laughs shortly with a shake of his head. “Melt the ice a little,”

“Shut up, Morgan,” You scrunch up your face with a roll of your eyes, but all it does is elicit another laugh from him, one that quickly spreads throughout the rest of your teammates until even you’re on the verge of cracking a smile.

“Alright, alright, clear out team, let’s leave her rest for a while now,” Hotch is the one to call the end of the little get together in your room, and you’d 100% be lying if you said you weren’t grateful for it.

You might have a silent love for your team, but god if you didn’t feel like you could pass out and sleep for the next week.

They trickle out slowly, trying to prolong their visit for as long as possible.

Spencer, of course, is the last one to go, and his hand slips from underneath yours and away from your shoulder almost hesitantly, lifting it into an awkward wave with a mouthed goodbye as he neared the door.

“Get some rest,”

You nod slowly. “I will,”

“Good,” Spencer smiles. “I’ll come and see you tomorrow okay?”

“Yeah, thank you,”

“You’re welcome,”

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

326 of 2023

survey by lafemelle

1. How many cars have you ever owned?

None on my own, but one as a co-owner.

2. Can you do math in your head well?

Quite much so. I’ve been always good at such things.

3. What’s your least favorite chore to do around the house?

Cleaning the floors and the toilets.

4. What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip?

I don’t eat these.

5. Do you ever read the weather forecast?

Yeah, before travelling so I know what to expect, possibly.

6. Do amusement park rides make you sick?

I don’t ever use them. My health doesn’t allow.

7. Who is your favorite Star Wars character?

No.

8. What kind of cheese do you put on your sandwiches?

Normal cheese lol. Like gouda or emmental or o.

9. What radio station do you listen to the most?

UVB-76 lol. I don’t listen to the commercial radio.

10.Who was the last person to give you a gift?

My husband, as usual.

11. How old were you when you got your driver’s license?

Nevergot it at all. I don’t know how is it in your States, but here people with neurological disorders are generally restricted from driving in some cases.

12. What was the first thing you ever learned how to cook?

Water lol. Just like most of people, I suppose.

13. Did you ever collect beanie babies?

Never heard of it.

14. When was the last time you got a haircut?

Last year lol. This calls for another one.

15. Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party?

No, and I’m not sure if I’d like it.

16. How many people can you say you TRULY love?

About ten.

17. Where are you most ticklish on your body?

Everywhere, literally.

18. Do you like kids?

I do like toddlers, but only when they are curious about the world and ask questions.

19. Have you ever cheated on a test?

Once or twice.

20. Is your next birthday coming up soon?

No, next year.

21. Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail?

I’ve never had an occasion to do so.

22. What’s the last board game you played?

I don’t play board games.

23. Have you ever given someone a fake phone number?

No, but next time I will give a police number as my own when someone is too intrusive.

24. Do you actually eat 3 meals a day?

Even less.

25. Do you have any bumper stickers on your car?

No, my husband doesn’t like them.

26. Do you leave good tips when you eat out at restaurants?

I just leave tips. It’s normal in my country.

27. What’s your favorite thing to eat at bbqs?

Veggies.

28. Do you still own any VHS tapes?

Not anymore, but I’d love to.

29. How many of your friends have you known for at least 5 years?

Most of them.

30. Are you superstitious?

Not at all, it just makes me laugh.

31. What was your favorite book as a child?

Pelle Svanslös.

32. Have you lied to anyone in the last 24 hours?

Nah, I had no occasion anyway.

33. What’s the most expensive restaurant you’ve ever eaten at?

Probably this one in the Martin’s Hotel in Waterloo. It was very elegant :P

34. How many jobs have you had?

One as a fruit picker when I was a teenager, one Infrabel maintenance summer job (from my dad), cleaning the library as a student, and then this job in the rolling stock company.

35. Are you keeping a secret from anyone right now?

No, not really.

36. What’s the smallest town you’ve ever visited?

I think Lillo, it’s a town near Antwerp.

37. If there was a real Jurassic Park, would you visit it?

No, thanks.

38. Have you ever gone golfing?

Omg no, boring.

39. What’s your favorite kind of soup?

All of them, really. But I need to have chunks in it, I don’t like blended soup.

40. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

About four, or even earlier.

41. Do you know any sign language?

No, I don’t.

42. If you became famous for something, what would it be?

Photography, I guess.

43. How many friends do you have that are married?

Most of them, really.

44. Do you ever read the newspaper?

Sometimes when I’m at the physiotherapy.

45. When you’re having a bad day, how do you make yourself feel better?

Let my cat sleep on my lap while she’s purring. Optionally going somewhere with the train.

46. Do you still have your wisdom teeth?

Yeah, I do, all of them. I’ve never felt them growing, honestly.

47. Did you have a swingset in your yard when you were a child?

Yeah, I did.

48. Have you ever played poker for money?

No, I’ve never played poker at all.

49. You’re making a fruit salad: what kinds of fruit do you put in it?

Strawberries, blueberries, banana lices, tangerine pieces, maybe peach cubes.

50. What are the last 2 digits of your phone number?

09.

51. What’s the scariest movie you’ve ever seen?

I don’t even bother wasting my time on movies.

52. Do you eat your mac & cheese with a fork or a spoon?

I don’t ever eat this shit.

53. Where did you have your first kiss?

On a tram stop lol.

54. When you were a kid, were you ever afraid of cooties?

I still don’t even know what it is.

55. Do you ever go Christmas caroling in December?

No, not anymore.

[harrylights]

👏💖🎀 <3

hii sorry i passed out early yesterday and have been travelling most of the day but ty for sending these to me love 🫶

👏: What’s something you’ve done recently (even if it’s a small thing) that you’re proud of? i’ll keep it to happy things so i told my crush i like them without TOTALLY freaking out lol

💖: What’s a goal that you’re working towards in terms of your self-improvement/personal growth? working on balancing my ebb and flow of creative energy into smth that’s at least a little bit more consistent than only working on projects for days on end and then literally ignoring its existence for at least a week lmao

🎀: What’s the best gift you’ve received? What in your opinion is the best gift you’ve given someone? not that i’m not grateful whenever i receive any gift at all, but most of them feel like smth that the person giving them to me would rather have themselves rather than smth that is all that meaningful for me, but my mum gave me her headphones a few years ago when mine crapped out and i love them. the best gift i’ve given was to my ex for his first bday we shared together but it went mostly unappreciated lol

positive asks (to help keep me sane lol)

[lyonfreddie]

prolonged wailing and gnashing of teeth under the cut!!!

let me just preface this by saying that i never get super personal on here anymore but i really just need to vent!!!!

i love my job mostly because i love my coworkers. i work in development/fundraising at a pretty big museum and our team of 5 is all a bunch of young professional women with Good Taste and Witty Banter. like we are all successionpilled. i would hate my job so much if i didn’t work with these people. last week, my favorite coworker announced she was moving to another city and got a job there to be with her long-distance fiancé (he got a tenure track job and obviously... cannot move lmao), and i was SO SAD because she is SO COOL and SO POISED and i want to be just like her, but i took comfort in the fact that we would still have 4/5 of our lovely team still together.

and then my boss pulls me aside first thing this morning and tells me SHE’S LEAVING TO LMFAO

like. i’m literally going to go insane. after march 16, our team of 5 will be a team of 3, and we won’t have either a leadership giving manager OR a membership manager. i print member cards and assemble renewal/new member packets once a week each week as my Big Project but before my boss leaves she’s going to teach me how to do pretty much everything she does that she hasn’t taught me yet. which is really, really nice of her, and also kind of a vote of confidence—i seriously doubt she would take another job if she wasn’t absolutely sure she was leaving her membership program in capable hands. 

my boss is the best boss i’ve ever had. she’s so organized and she knows everything about our museum’s institutional history because she was working there before it was even built. she has always given me clear instructions and honest feedback and she’s just so, so funny. she’s great. we’re practically the same person and have the same interests. and i still have so much left to learn from her. it almost feels unfair that she’s leaving, but i’m an actual adult now and i know this is the correct career move for her. she’s not even going that far. she’s going to work at another museum that is like 800 feet away from us.

but i’m still SO fucking sad. i’ve been crying on and off all day, including at work, where i had to hold it all in. the major gifts officer saw me at the printer and was like ‘you must be feeling sad, huh’ and all i could say was ‘yeah’ and she patted me on the back and i almost lost it in the middle of the office. like... GOD

it’s so embarrassing. i pride myself on being very cool and calm and collected, and the rest of my team always tells me it’s nice how i’m so calm all the time, especially when we’re running events. but i literally walked home today and then sat on the floor of my apartment and bawled for 5 straight minutes until i was out of breath. lol. i am going to be a wreck for every single bit of their farewells and it is not going to be pretty. i’m so sad. i’m so scared. what the fuck.

i’ve also just like... been On Edge for the past week or so in a way that hasn’t really manifested since grad school. my first semester of grad school was when i developed really bad anxiety that only manifested as physical symptoms—nausea, diarrhea, constipation, loss of appetite, insomnia, weird painful muscle cramps, etc. to the point where i literally thought i was on the verge of death! i’ve been reading a book about the salem witch trials and couldn’t help but notice that the “fits” described by the “afflicted” were weirdly similar to how my anxiety jumped out, save for, like, hallucinations. it’s a good book and i want to finish it but just thinking about the similarities almost gave me a panic attack one night... which is crazy. and then i woke up this morning and found out my stupid hemorrhoid is flaring up again. which, in retrospect, just seems like an omen. lmao.

if there is any silver lining to this at all, it’s that there is a possibility i may be promoted to membership manager. i’m currently at the coordinator level, but when my boss broke the news to me, she said that we’d be working with our external membership consultant (who i’ve met! she’s great.) to help keep renewal notices and regular mailings going out. presumable until i’m up to speed. i’ve been at this museum for over a year, and full-time for 7 months. they might wait a few months, until i get closer to a year as a FT employee. or they might just hire a new boss for me. i’m ok staying at the coordinator level for a little while longer; it’s nice not having to worry a TON about budgets and financial goals. but i could probably do it if pressed. and getting a big ass salary bump would be nice.

if you made it all the way to the end, thank you for being cringe with me 🤝 the reason this is here and not in my journal is because there was clearly too much to put into my journal without having my hand cramp up. i’ll be ok. i’ll get through this. but it’s gonna fucking suck 😭

[i-never-forgot]

Y’all know I can’t leave anything alone so I’m elaborating lol—I cannot be saved from the brain worms at this point

We already know Celebi would likely suffer with “ooh, shiny” syndrome bc…well, she is shiny—plus she’s able to travel quite a bit (in space and time, evidently) and I think she’d get easily distracted by anything that even remotely piques her interest. I also think that she’s the most liberal with her affection in general (pet names and PDA), but on the flip-side I get the feeling that she treats everybody she holds in any semblance of positive regard that way—you only know if you’ve secured a place in her favorites list if she starts bringing you things that reminded her of you. It could be rocks, orbs, items, scarves, flowers—anything. She would shower you with gifts to show how much you’re on her mind—and I think she’d get a kick out of Sky Gifts, so I’ll bet she’d becomes a regular at Shaymin Village gathering presents for her little found family “just because” (and for every reasonable date/event/birthday/anniversary—because you’d best believe that she never forgets anything).

Grovyle is quiet-natured and seemingly soft-spoken until pressed—I believe the motivation behind his impatience and rashness was the looming probability of the literal end of the world, because in the slower scenes (like the night in Partner’s home after returning from the future, for example) he seems a lot calmer. Therefore I think he’s not quite as forward with his affection in the rest of these…even his dialogue seems somewhat restrained; it doesn’t seem to particularly come easily to him, in my opinion (and this could very well be a result of his upbringing in the dark future—we don’t know for how long he was on his own before he met Hero and/or Celebi). So, because of this, I think he’d find the most comfort in spending time with those for whom he feels the safest and closest—proximity and mutual silence can vary, but he’s most content when he’s able to relax with his chosen family. Oftentimes, even if he’s trying to keep busy with work, he finds himself drifting off to sleep; this result could easily be surmised, given that he’s survived on his fight-or-flight instincts for, presumably, the majority of his life. Give him ten minutes to be able to sit still, now that the world is saved, surrounded by those who would unquestionably attempt to keep him from further harm…despite himself (because I think he would also struggle to wind down because of the fact he’s been running nonstop forever), he’s knocked out and snoring like a Snorlax. (Also he would absolutely be a fiendish cuddle bug and you cannot convince me otherwise. This is my personal headcanon and you can pry it out of my cold dead hands.)

Upon first consideration in this thought experiment, I had a bit of trouble pinning down Dusknoir…the others came relatively easily, but once I tagged them, the pieces fell together for this old ghost. My supposition (which I have also discussed here) is based upon the fact that he tends to put himself out there for others—he’s willing to let the Guild crowd him for autographs (even if it was part of his guise), he saves Hero and Partner in Amp Plains without asking anyone else to do so for him and without help (even if it was urgent), and he asks the Sableye to check on Grovyle and Celebi after Primal Dialga almost crushes him to death (which speaks the loudest and most plainly to this idea of all these examples, in my opinion). He obviously has the hardest time discussing his feelings (although the only example of this we have is with Grovyle, whom he had considered his sworn enemy for a long time), he’s keen to violence as his default setting (I’ve talked with @fujii-draws about him learning casual physical affection in the past mostly via Hero and Partner as it is a totally foreign concept to him), and—like Grovyle—he’s been in survival mode for so long he would most definitely struggle emoting anything sincerely without relying on a performative sort of expression (so his enthusiasm and such might come across as sort of fake to those with whom he interacts most frequently as a result once his entire identity and worldview is altered post-SE5—he’s always been forced into a malicious role and has only played benevolent parts in a deceptive context, so it’ll definitely take him some time to rediscover himself and figure out who he really is once the danger of being erased from existence is no longer preoccupying his finer mental faculties). I think he would cope with the inevitable lack of self-worth and survivor’s guilt (among myriad other issues surrounding the aforementioned redefinition of his entire literal life) by doing way too much at first, for everybody, to try to redeem himself and his past mistakes, to earn forgiveness he’s already been granted, to amend the injuries he’d incurred although they’re well on the way to healing…Grovyle and Celebi have enough let-sleeping-dogs-lie attitude to leave all that stuff in the past, but Dusknoir’s not going to find it as easy to do so. He’s going above and beyond to make sure they have everything they need, meals are prepared, tools/bags/housing is repaired without asking, jobs are taken and done for money to put in the bank, et cetera…I imagine Grovyle and Celebi would have to set him down and talk it out so he doesn’t run himself into the ground prematurely on the second lease on life he’d been so graciously given (because he thinks his worth is defined by what he can offer in terms of his skills and energy as opposed to his mind and personality based on all his prior experiences [and this is why, with Eliana and Lu, he finds it so surprising that all they really want from him is to share his knowledge—even with Team Skull, they don’t want him to kick their asses like he was initially inclined to do, they just want him to scare them off so they’ll leave them alone]). [This tendency would get especially worse if he tries to reconcile with Hero and Partner eventually; he’s going to smother them ten times as much as Grovyle and Celebi, hovering constantly and trying to fix everything even remotely remiss and being super protective of them as a result. I could go on forever, but I hope my point has been made.]

I think that Partner is in a similar boat to Celebi—they’re relaxed with their words, don’t carry as many hangups as some of the others do (although after Dusknoir’s betrayal and losing the Hero after restoring Temporal Tower, I think this point could be debated), so without as many traumas they’d find it significantly easier to be affectionate in general. This is evidenced by the fact that they trust Hero right off the bat despite being a perfect (and rather perplexing) stranger, only tipped off to their potential benevolent nature by their assistance in recovering their Relic Fragment in Beach Cave. They’re clear with their feelings (if a bit naive about admitting them, to a certain extent), even the negative ones, throughout the entire storyline—they’re not afraid to admit when they’re excited, uncertain, or terrified—and just as transparent with their fondness and worry about Hero. The only time I recall that they don’t really open up is during the Darkrai debacle, and I think that’s only because they were putting on a brave face for Hero so they wouldn’t worry about them on top of everything else that was going on. I think it’s easy to suppose that Partner would give nicknames and not hesitate to let those for whom they care know exactly how deeply they feel about them.

And this may be a bit on the nose, but I think Hero would lean towards physical affection because: a) they don’t have a lot of spoken dialogue (partly for immersion and partly for narrative limitations, I admit, although it gives room for the player to fill in the blanks as a result, so this point could fluctuate depending on your own versions of the Hero), and b) the Dimensional Scream…maybe they develop the habit of touching/bumping into/brushing against foreign objects/other Pokémon in an attempt to get a sense of them. After Drowzee, Dusknoir, and Cresselia/Darkrai’s betrayals, I imagine that Hero would become somewhat cagey around strangers, especially those that the people around them don’t know personally (e.g. Wigglytuff already knew and trusted Team Charm as opposed to the Guild having only heard rumors of Dusknoir), in effort to better protect those they care about. As they grow more comfortable around the Guildmembers and citizens of Treasure Town, perhaps they get to the point where they don’t even think about touching others—I can see them being particularly more affectionate with Partner or Marill/Azurill, for example, and maybe some of the Guildmembers (like Bidoof). Maybe you know you’ve won them over if their previously unknown/undeveloped grooming instincts kick in and they start picking through your fur/hide/scales/feathers to make sure you’re clean and warm. (Maybe Hero had always been physically affectionate, and that subconscious trait trickled through their amnesia as familiar as their name had—maybe they had indulged Grovyle’s insecure clinginess, holding him so that he could sleep for just a few hours while keeping watch; maybe they helped him when he was shedding and itchy and miserable by scratching the hard-to-reach places on his back; maybe they introduced him to gentle, caring touch that was not strictly violent for the sake of survival, either due to the nature of their relationship or by patching up each other’s wounds after a close scrape in a dungeon or narrowly escaping Primal Dialga, Dusknoir, and the Sableye.)

(…posts this without context…)

Celebi: Gifts

Grovyle: Quality Time

Dusknoir: Acts of Service

Partner: Words of Affirmation

Hero: Physical Affection

[itaehynz]

𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒.

our fairies are different in many ways . . . 𝜗𝜚 𓂃 a fawn, around 1k—9k words. ❀ 𓂃 a vidia, around 10k—20k words. ♥︎ 𓂃 an iridessa, a series of fairytales in one.

the fairies hold different beauties, mature beauty, fluffy beauty, angsty beauty and suggestive beauty.

OTHER MASTERLISTS

(specials/events i’ve held!)

♡ 800 FOLLOWERS! + SPECIAL MASTERLIST!

CHOI YEONJUN.

❀ I CAN’T REMEMBER TO FORGET YOU.

↳ it’s funny how your first love can also be your first heartbreak. choi yeonjun, the cute boy you met in high school, the boy you had a crush on. once your feelings began to develop, he was gone. well, that’s atleast what you think… not like it matters anyway, you hate him now. but, what if he decided to come back? ꒰ a vidia, fluff, angst & 18+ ꒱

☆ nia’s fav!

♥︎ INFRUNAMI.

↳ you & yeonjun have been bestfriends since middle school, inseparable since then. guess you can assume you know everything about one another . . . well that is what’s expected when it comes down to bestfriends right? right. yet, what you didn’t know was that you were both utterly in love with each other. ꒰ an iridessa, fluff & angst ꒱

𝜗𝜚 SEVEN DAYS A WEEK.

↳ “yeonjun is sooo seven coded — based off the song ‘seven’ by jungkook, i can no longer contain these thoughts about yeonjun 😵‍💫😵‍💫 i just know he’d be so consistent when it comes to him being in love with someone, like a lovesick puppy!” ꒰ a fawn, 16+, fluff & angst ꒱

𝜗𝜚 ANY GIVEN SUNDAY.

↳ with yeonjun’s birthday right around the corner, you gift him with something he’ll never forget. ꒰ a fawn & fluff ꒱

loving the pixie dust? there’s more in ♥︎ . . 0913fairy.

CHOI SOOBIN.

𝜗𝜚 IT’S ALWAYS BEEN TRUE.

↳ ꒰ a fawn, fluff & angst ꒱

𝜗𝜚 A NIGHT TO REMEMBER.

↳ soobin hasn’t seen you in months. but after tiring days of work, late night practices and tons of all nighters, another successful tour finished. what better way to gift him than showing up at his afterparty & leaving him with a night to remember? ꒰ a fawn, 18+ ꒱

 ☆ nia’s fav!

loving the pixie dust? there’s more in ♥︎ . . 1205fairy.

CHOI BEOMGYU.

𝜗𝜚 IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE. (requested)

↳ “txt member of your choice + picnic date <3 hehe im really excited that you’re back to writing !!” ꒰ a fawn, fluff ꒱

𝜗𝜚 COFFEE.

↳ based off of beabadoobee’s song “coffee”, you and beomgyu working on your group’s tracks at 3am in the morning :( ꒰ a fawn, fluff & angst kinda ꒱

𝜗𝜚 LOVE YOURSELF OR NO ONE ELSE WILL.

↳ the night of your anniversary, the night you wished the best for. you and beomgyu had your ups and downs but you never would have thought it would’ve escalate this far. ꒰ a fawn, angst ꒱

𝜗𝜚 THE WAY THINGS GO. — a sequel to the work above!

↳ it’s been two years since your heartbreak. he comes back to apologize but it’s too late. ꒰ a fawn, fluff & angst ꒱

☆ nia’s fav!

loving the pixie dust? there’s more in ♥︎ . . 0313fairy.

KANG TAEHYUN.

𝜗𝜚 SMOKING OUT THE WINDOW. (requested)

↳ “Since ur taking requests, I was thinking of an angsty story where reader confesses to best friend/fwb Taehyun, but gets rejected, then spend some years away from eachother but when Taehyun comes crawling back, reader gives him a taste of his own medicine. Sorry if this makes no sense lol” ꒰ a fawn, 18+, angst ꒱

☆ nia’s fav!

loving the pixie dust? there’s more in ♥︎ . . 0205fairy.

HUENING KAI.

𝜗𝜚 LAST DAY ON EARTH. (requested)

↳ “HEY BAEEEEEE so i was thinking… a cute arcade date with huening kai. i’ll literally love you forever if you write abt that <3” ꒰ a fawn, fluff ꒱

𝜗𝜚 TWO SLOW DANCERS.

↳ inspired by the movie, “20th Century Girl”: while trying to help your friend get a boy she likes, you meet your own love… a love you thought would last forever. ꒰ a fawn, angst, fluff ꒱

☆ nia’s fav!

loving the pixie dust? there’s more in ♥︎ . . 0814fairy.

MULTIPLE MEMBERS.

♥︎ THREE’S A (CHOI) CHARM!

↳ school’s out and it’s time for summer! also known as the ‘hottest season of the year’ so in hopes of finding a hot, potential soulmate, you go on tinder and match with three people! who shall you end up with in the end? (ongoing!) ꒰ an iridessa, angst, fluff ꒱

loving the pixie dust? there’s more in ♡ . . 0304fairies.

© iTAEHYNZ.

[dragonsareourfuture]

Christmas With The Wammy Boys

Wrote this on Christmas day when I was feelin' the holiday spirit vibes and you're getting it now lol

L

This Christmas would be different, for one particular reason.

Watari has hereby refused to keep buying presents for L to give you. He’s vowed to stop decorating the tree for him and setting up Christmas lights in patterns intricate enough to win competitions. No more…at least for this year.

“I’ve given you a break between cases for a reason, L. Spend time with them.”

L is the KING of practical gifts. Remember that vacuum cleaner you mentioned needing a while ago? It’s showing up under the tree with a bow on it.

“Oh, what’s this?”

“Detergent.”

“…”

“You said we needed detergent.”

He means well, and he really did put a lot of thought into your gifts. He thought about everything you said you needed from the last few months and went out of his way to go to a store and get it for you.

Because of that there’s no way you can even feel disappointed. Besides, you’re not receiving pointless shit that you don’t know what to do with. And you did need detergent.

Man’s tall. He can hang Christmas lights without a ladder.

He also puts the star on the tree.

And runs into all the mistletoe you hang everywhere.

“It’s an excuse to kiss or whatever!”

“All it seems to be doing is giving me a mouthful of leaves whenever I walk through a doorway.”

He doesn’t really know how to react when he opens presents.

*Awkward smile* “Thank you…I enjoy this.”

Mello

Mello’s family used to celebrate Christmas diligently. And even though he doesn’t have the best of memories connected to his family, the Christmas season has always been a time when his family would mend itself, at least for a while, and he could focus on simply being a kid with presents and food and joy.

It kind of catches you off guard when he’s so passionate about Christmas, but in a good way.

Considers “Die Hard” a Christmas movie

He tries so hard to get you something you’d like, but the poor thing honestly isn’t that great at gift giving.

He probably overthinks it too and stresses himself out so much before resorting to a gift card.

And he’d feel extra shitty if you get him a really sentimental or expensive gift. Like one time you got him this really sick pocket knife that was coated with matt black and engraved with gold on the blade.

But other times…you get burnt out too.

“Okay, so I’m really sorry”

“Me too.”

“But I couldn’t really think of anything good enough for you this year.”

“Yep, same.”

“So I got you this gift card”

“ME TOO—“

The time you spend together is better than any gift card though.

He’s a competitive decorator…

Like…COMPETITIVE. He tries to outdo anyone who lives nearby. One time he blew a fuse both literally and figuratively trying to win a made up Christmas lights competition with the neighbors.

If you think Mello isn’t going to be drinking an entire store’s stock of hot chocolate, you are dead wrong.

“I’m getting into the spirit of the holiday”

“Do not tell me you wouldn’t down a gallon of hot chocolate on any other regular day. This ain’t special.”

Matt

Christmas is a very casual occasion for Matt. He never celebrated it and he doesn’t mind continuing that. He’ll really only contribute if you want to celebrate it with him.

Shit at wrapping presents, but a master at picking out great ones.

He remembers a surprising amount of things you tell him.

“Woah, is this (insert thingy here)!? Didn’t I only mention this once? And weren’t you on your phone the whole time I was talking!?”

“What, you think I wasn’t listening?”

He’ll go along with whatever you want to do, honestly. Going sledding? Sure, no probs. Building snowmen? ‘Kay, Matt’s game. He’s making a snow Mello.

But the time Matt likes the best is when you’re cuddled up after these chilling activities by the fireplace while watching a movie. Hot chocolate may or may not be available, depending on how much Mello has already had. If not, coffee is a fine substitute.

This is Matt’s preferred time to give you your gifts and, although he doesn’t require it, he’ll be delighted if you give him one as well. Games for his console is always a safe bet, but giving him something sentimental will always warm his heart.

Just the thought of you going above and beyond for him when he told you that you didn’t have to…it really puts it into perspective just how much he means to you.

“It’s a necklace! Now, I wasn’t really sure if you like jewelry but I made sure the beads were your favorite colors and — oh, look! — I picked out a charm from that game you said you were obsessed with as a kid and…are you okay, babe? Are you…are you crying??”

“Yeah…yeah, I uh…here, can you put it on me?”

Near

Ok so…hear me out — dressing him up as a snowman.

Like with the white hair and all it would be adorable.

Of course, he might not think so. But if you bribe him. He might just come around to your side.

“Please.”

“No. I am not your doll.”

“I’ll buy you that new train set you liked for Christmas.”

“I am now your doll.”

Honestly you might have to bribe him to do a lot of things.

He kinda gets away with not getting you a present by claiming that all the things he’s done for you count as a present.

“I didn’t have to put on this fake carrot nose. But I did. I think that’s a suitable gift.”

“Fine, but at least let me take pictures. No one can recognize you with all the props and makeup.”

“…………….fine.”

Christmas isn’t always about bribes and reluctance, though. Near really likes setting up his toys in the nativity scene display thing, so that’s something he’ll do willingly.

“And who’s that as Mary?”

“Iron Man.”

You can tell he appreciates everything you get him because he spends hours playing with your gifts afterwards.

He also takes a few hours to open like three gifts. Just because as soon as he opens one gift he likes to take it out of the packaging, read the instructions, set it up, and mess with it for at least thirty minutes before moving on to the next gift.

It’s a process.

[soramei]

From Resentment (hhj)

Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader (she/her)

Summary: After a fated meeting involving a cute and fluffy puppy, you found yourself drawn to Hwang Hyunjin: the school prince. Everybody in high school loved him. It was hard not to. Not only was he rich, smart, and athletic, but he was also incredibly kind-hearted.

However, one day seemingly out of the blue, everything that you thought Hyunjin was came crashing down.

Now a freshman in university, you were excited to live out your dreams. That was, until Hyunjin came hurtling back into your life like an uncontrolled meteor. His presence threw a curveball on all your plans, and would eventually change your perspective on everything that you thought you knew.

Genre: studentl!hyunjin au, angst, enemies to lovers

Warnings: cursing, tw puking

Word Count: 8.8k

Masterlist

A/N: Not an Intentional update but a hyunjin oneshot!! disclaimer: no aspect of hyunjins personality here was drawn from real life — irl hyunjin is a ray of sunshine <3

You looked at your math homework, proud that you got all the answers correct. Since it was a slow afternoon at your job today, you had extra time to focus on your homework. The boss at the convenience store you worked at allowed you to have your homework out, as long as it was hidden behind the cash register.

As you stared at the rest of your homework, you started to feel the weight of tenth grade pile up on you. Because it was your first year of high school, you were still trying to adjust to everything; your grades, your teachers, and all the new students walking around the halls.

You stuffed the rest of your homework in your backpack. It was the end of your shift, and you wanted to go home as soon as possible to start with the rest of your studying. Crap. No matter how hard you tried to zip up your backpack, it wouldn’t close. After trying one more time, the zipper tore from your backpack.

You cursed under your breath. You couldn’t afford to buy a new backpack right now.

You had just been able to afford your new school uniform by taking up extra shifts at the convenience store, and you still needed money for your grandmother’s prescriptions. You sighed, annoyed to have another monetary stressor weighing on your shoulders.

Walking outside with your now torn backpack, your eyes widened at the group of boys in front of you. You immediately recognized them from behind.

The school princes. These three seniors were all known for three things: being extremely smart, handsome, and talented.

On the left was Seungmin, and from what you’ve heard, he was the smart and quiet one. He was always helping the teachers, being the class president and all. Any time a girl or a boy needed academic help, Seungmin was there and happy to assist.

The person on the right was Jisung. With his charming and charismatic personality, he had dated tens upon tens of girls in his grade. Just in the last year. It helped that he was really good looking — and also stinkin’ rich. His father was a notorious restaurateur, and with him being the first son, he was basically given unlimited spending rights.

The only person richer than Jisung was the boy in the center of them both: Hwang Hyunjin. This boy was the school prince. The prince of princes. He somehow managed to participate in music clubs, engage in study groups, and captain the soccer team all the while keeping up excellent grades. Every girl that Jisung had dated was said to have been rejected by Hyunjin first. That was his only flaw: he was notoriously cold to any and all romantic confessions.

You followed behind the three princes, staring at your torn up sneakers. You knew you didn’t exist in their world, but even being near three handsome and rich teenage boys made you nervous.

Suddenly, you heard a whimper coming from behind a bush to the left of you. It sounded like a hurt animal.

Worried and curious, you walked over to the bush to see what it was.

It was a puppy. Small and fluffy, it looked up at you with it’s beady black eyes and cried out. His paw was bleeding.

You panicked. Having never seen a hurt puppy before, you had no idea what to do. You called out for help.

“Help!” you cried, hoping that somebody had heard your call for help. You desperately wanted to help this hurt puppy, but you hesitated to touch it, afraid that you would hurt the animal even more.

The puppy howled in pain, making your panic rise. You were about to call out for help again, when you heard somebody running up behind you.

“What is it?” The voice asked.

“I-I don’t know. I just saw this dog here, and-and his paw is bleeding,” you anxiously stuttered.

“Here, let me take a look.”

You heard the voice behind you, so you shuffled over to make room.

It was Hwang Hyunjin. The person that responded to your cry for help was the most popular and well-liked person in the school. You were shocked, a bit intimidated actually, so you silently moved to the side for him. His black hair shone in the sunlight as he bent down to examine the dog.

“Come here, boy,” he chirped. The puppy listened, and started limping to him. “Something hurt you, didn’t it.”

He stood up, picking the puppy up along with him.

“C’mon,” he gestured with his head, “my vet isn’t too far from here actually. We can make it by walking.”

You silently nodded and followed him.

He was right. The walk to the veterinarian clinic, though very awkward, wasn’t too far. The clinic was empty at this time of day, with the receptionist being the only person in the room.

“Hyunjin! Always a pleasure,” the receptionist beamed. It seemed like Hyunjin’s likeability wasn’t only confined to your school. “My, what do we have here?”

“There’s something wrong with his paw,” Hyunjin tried to show the receptionist where the blood was coming from, “is the doctor free right now?”

“As a matter of fact, he is,” the receptionist said whilst checking the schedule. “I’ll take this little boy to the back where he can get prepped for the veterinarian.”

Hyunjin handed the puppy carefully to the receptionist. The receptionist took out a crate for the dog, put him in, and then disappeared through the back door. The two of you were now left alone in the waiting room.

“Uhm,” you coughed, “thank you. I know you probably want to get back to your friends, so you can leave now.”

“No, I’ll stay,” he looked at you and smiled, “those idiots are just playing LOL at the PC room anyways. Plus, I want to see how this little boy turns out.”

You smiled back at him, nodding your head. A few moments of awkward silence passed.

“I’m Hyunjin by the way,” he said.

“I know. I’m Y/n.”

“You’re in your first year, right?” he said, looking at the colour of your uniform.

“Yeah, it’s so hard to get used to though. I’m trying my best with my homework, but I think this school stuff just doesn’t click with me,” you rambled.

“Oh?”

“I want to go into dance. I’ve never been able to afford professional lessons, but I’ve always wanted to go to university for dance. My grandparents said they would let me if my school grades were high.” You didn’t know why you were giving your life story to Hyunjin. He just had this natural charisma that made you want to spill everything to him. It was the way he looked at you with those cat-like eyes.

“I know what you mean. It took me forever to convince my parents for me to major in dance. I got in by early admittance, but I’m sure they still have their reservations about my major.”

“You’re majoring in dance?” you asked, eyes wide.

He smiled. “I’ve loved dancing ever since I could remember. It’s my passion, and truthfully, the only thing I’ve got going for me.”

You were shocked. At school, Hyunjin was known for so many things other than dancing. Hell, you didn’t even know he enjoyed dancing and you thought you’d heard everything about him already.

The two of you chatted for a while longer before the vet came out with the now happy looking dog.

“It seemed like this little guy got into a fight with something, and he got a pretty large gash on his paw. Luckily, it wasn’t bleeding too much so I just gave him some anaesthetic and stitched it right up.”

You sighed in relief. “Thank god he isn’t too hurt.”

“Yes, it’s good that it wasn’t too bad,” the veterinarian agreed. “I’m assuming this is your dog? As soon as you finish with the bill, I can release this little guy and the both of you are ready to go.”

Oh yeah. The bill.

Although you knew you couldn’t afford to pay the vet bill, you didn’t know where this little dog would go if you couldn’t take him home. You did the mental calculations, and if you worked some extra shifts, you could probably be able to pick up the bill today. Buying a new backpack could be saved for another day.

“Sure, where can I pay?” you asked.

“Just over by the receptionist.” The veterinarian pointed.

You walked over to the receptionist, and she handed the bill over to you.

You almost fainted.

Just the anaesthetic and the stitches alone cost over two hundred dollars. This was extremely over your budget, and probably even more than the amount in your savings. You felt uneasy.

“Uhm, actually, I don’t think I can-”

“Do you take cash?”

Hyunjin had interrupted you, walked up to the receptionist, and pulled out his wallet. He peaked over your shoulder and took out a huge wad of cash to hand to the receptionist.

“Hyunjin, you don’t have to,” you begged. You felt bad that this guy you didn’t even know had just offered to cover you for over two hundred dollars.

“Think of it as a good luck gift from a fellow dancer.” He smiled.

That was when it clicked. You didn’t know what clicked, but it just did. It was his smile. It was the way the corners of his eyes crinkled up and how the corners of his lips pinched at the end. You now understood why all the girls at school were in love with him. He was quite literally perfect.

You thanked him profusely, even after the two of you had left the clinic. With the dog in your hand, you walked side by side with Hyunjin.

“So,” he started, “have you thought of a name for this guy yet?”

Oh yeah — he was your dog now. “Hmm, I don’t know yet.”

“What about Coco?”

“Coco?”

“Yeah, let’s see if he likes it.” Hyunjin leaned in and cooed at the little puppy. “Hi, little Coco!”

The puppy’s eyes lit up, and with his tongue stretched out, he started panting.

“I guess he likes it,” Hyunjin smiled. God, his smile could melt all of Antarctica.

“Coco it is.” You poked at Coco’s nose.

Hyunjin was about to say something back to you when his phone buzzed. He took a peak, rolled his eyes, then smiled. “My friends are god awful at games. I swear, they can’t even win one round without me. You’re okay with going home alone?”

He was going to walk you home? Could he be any more perfect?

You nodded your head. “Thank you, Hyunjin. I’ll pay you back for the bill one day.”

“No need,” he winked. “Like I said, it’s a good luck gift. Oh, and you can ask me if you need help with any school work. Anything to help a fellow dancer.”

He waved goodbye, then went running off in the other direction. You held Coco close to you, heart pounding. Although you didn’t want to be like all the other girls who fell for him, you felt like you were already falling for Hyunjin.

-

The next day, you had planned to go shopping for dog supplies after school. After a really long and arduous debate with yourself, you decided to sacrifice all of your savings in order to buy everything that Coco needed. You knew Hyunjin owned a dog himself, so throughout the whole day, you worked up the nerve to ask Hyunjin to come with you.

At the end of last period, you gathered all your stuff from your desk and headed to the soccer field where you knew Hyunjin and his friends would be. Whilst you crossed the field, you noticed Jisung staring at you. You found his stare intimidating, but you tried to brush it off. He then whispered something in Hyunjin’s ear.

“Hi, Hyunjin,” you said anxiously, biting your lip. “Umm, do you want to come with me to shop for Coco?”

He stared at you for a couple seconds, then, a look of disgust appeared on his face. “Why? So you can use my wallet again?”

You stared back at him, wide eyed. Who was this person? It wasn’t the Hyunjin that so graciously helped you out yesterday.

“W-what? No!” you exclaimed. “I-I just wanted your opinion…”

“Sure,” Hyunjin smirked coldly, “opinion my ass.”

“Hyunjin,” tears were pooling in your eyes, “I don’t understand.”

“If you need money so much, here.” He reached in his pocket and turned up a wad of cash, throwing it at your feet. “Just don’t come to me next time. And buy yourself a new pair of shoes while you’re at it.”

You looked down at the money, trying to hold back your tears. Why was Hyunjin being like this? You didn’t understand. His two jockeys beside him didn’t even bother to stop him. As you tried to stop yourself from crying, you felt your sadness turn into rage.

“I don’t need your stupid money,” you said, kicking the cash back to him. “Maybe you can use your daddy’s money to buy yourself a new personality.”

Hyunjin’s two friends tried to hold back their snickers at your words. Hyunjin heard, turned around, and gave them both death stares.

You didn’t bother to listen to whatever he was going to say next and simply stomped away, rage burning inside you. Everything about him was a lie. His charming and charismatic personality, his generosity, his kindness. They were all lies. He really was nothing but a rich, spoiled boy living with his father’s money.

There was rage behind every step you took. Wiping away your tears, you headed to your locker. You didn’t need him anyways; it was better to realize his true personality earlier rather than later. Hands shaking from anger, you dialed the combination to your locker.

“Hey, sorry about what happened earlier.” A voice came from behind you. “He can be a real jerk sometimes.”

It was Jisung. You rolled your eyes. You didn’t want to see him either.

“Why didn’t you do anything about it then?” Your voice came out shaky. It was obvious that you had cried.

“Once he starts, there’s no stopping him. It’s usually better to let him finish uninterrupted, or else he will get more mad.”

“Oh,” you said. Your hatred for Hyunjin grew even more.

“I could come with you, though. I don’t know much about dogs, but I can help you carry your bags.”

“I don’t know…”

“C’mon, no way you can carry everything by yourself.”

You hesitated. “Okay, I guess.”

And so, you left for the pet store with Jisung, still confused about everything that had happened. It was strange with him. He was nice and cracked a joke every now and then, but it was just different from being with Hyunjin. At least he was nice, you thought.

Your trip went well. You managed to buy everything you needed for Coco. In a turn of events, Jisung had actually come in handy as he offered to carry the huge bag of dog food you bought. He even offered to buy you a coffee.

“Thanks for all your help, Jisung.” You stood outside the door of your apartment, smiling at him.

“No problem, gives me an excuse to work out my guns.” He pretended to flex his arms.

You choked back a laugh.

“You should get going now. It’s late,” you said.

“Alright,” he started to leave. “Hey, if you see me in the halls, feel free to say hi.”

You nodded and waved to him as he turned and walked away, remembering his words. Every time you saw Jisung in the school hallways, you gave him a small wave in which he happily returned. However, whenever you saw him walking with Hyunjin, you made sure to purposely avoid them. You didn’t want any negativity in your life.

You kept up the waves, and soon, waves turned to small conversations which soon turned to flirting. By the end of the semester, you and Jisung somehow ended up as a couple. Jisung was polite and sweet, unlike a certain person. With every free moment you had, you hung out with Jisung — all the while avoiding Hyunjin.

The two of you stayed a couple for the rest of Jisung’s senior year. Somehow, the two of you had even kept up your relationship throughout your whole high school experience. It was hard at times as he went to university, but with a lot of effort, you had made your relationship work out. You barely had time to talk with him, but you enjoyed the little time that you did have. Jisung had never even once mentioned Hyunjin when you were together, and with time, you had totally forgotten about that jerk. You weren’t even sure if they were still friends.

You worked hard in school and reaped all the benefits. Your rank had consistently been in the top twenties amongst all the other students, and you even had time to practice your dancing. You remembered the day that you received your acceptance letter from university. Hands shaking, you had barely managed to open the letter all the way before you screamed. You had gotten into university with your dream major: dance.

Because of your excellent grades, you were able to pay a lot of your tuition with scholarship money alone. You hesitantly decided to quit your job at the convenience store to focus on university. Although quitting meant that your bank account would take a big hit, you decided that it would be best in the long run. There was a lot in your savings, and you even had a little extra to buy a new outfit for your first day of school.

Jisung had been busy on the first day of university. He had previously promised to show you around campus, but with him being a no-show, you wandered around by yourself to try to find your classes. You had trouble with the campus map at first, but after walking around for a bit, you were able to find all your classes with ease.

Your first few classes were a snore. Because they were all theory, you had to down two cups of coffee in order to stay awake. Somehow, you managed to take coherent notes despite being bored out of your mind. You just wanted to dance.

The good thing was, after sitting through many classes, your time to dance finally came. Your last class of the day was an introduction to dance course, and you couldn’t wait to go. You wanted to know your teacher, your peers, and most importantly, express yourself.

The dance class was in a studio in the university’s fitness center. It was huge, way bigger than the tiny gym in your high school. Upon entering the studio, you were immediately met with the sight of students, exactly like you, already stretching. You chose a spot in the room and started stretching as well, making good use of your time before the instructor comes in.

After some time, most of the students — including you — had finished stretching and were sitting in silence waiting for the instructor. The door swung open, breaking the silence. The instructor had come in.

“Hello new students,” he said, “welcome to Dance 100. Today, I will go through the curriculum with you as well as introduce your final project.”

The instructor whipped out a projection of the curriculum and started explaining the purpose of the course, what you would be graded on, and how you would be graded. He then read through his class expectations before moving to your final project.

“This final project will act in place of a final exam,” he explained. “You will be required to create a dance that includes everything we’ve learned in class and write an essay explaining all the elements in your dance. It will be worth half your grade.”

The class gasped in surprise. Not only did this project sound extremely difficult for a first year course, but the fact that it was worth half your grade made it borderline unfair.

“I know it might seem difficult, but worry not, you won’t be doing this alone. Every year, the first year dance students get mentored by the third year dance students for the final project. Each student has already been assigned a random mentor which will be introduced this class.”

The whole class murmured, talking amongst themselves and expressing their opinions on this project. It was definitely an interesting project. You hoped that you would be paired with a good mentor that would actually care about how well you did.

There was a knock on the door.

“Ah, this must be them.” Your instructor opened the door and a wave of third years came flooding in. Each one of them had a name tag pinned on their shirts. “Class, these are the third year students.”

You all politely greeted them.

“Now,” the instructor continued, “I will put the class list on the projector, and each of your names will correspond to a third year mentor.”

The instructor put out the list for display. You scanned down the list of names, eventually finding yours. Following the dots to your corresponding mentor, you almost choked on air when you saw yours.

It was Hwang Hyunjin.

You were at a loss for words. Just when you thought he was out of your life forever, the man that was so incredibly mean to you — the man you hated with your whole soul — was now your mentor. Just the thought of being in the same room as him filled you with disgust.

You scanned the sea of third year students, and your eyes immediately found him. He was staring back at you with the same shocked expression that you had on.

He looked different. Not only had he grown taller, but he had lost all his baby fat as well. His hair was different too. It was bleached blond and it almost hit his shoulders. What was the same, however, was his intense stare and his plump lips.

You walked over to him.

“You look different.” His eyes scanned up and down.

“So do you.” You clenched your jaw and sighed. “I guess we have to work together.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said flatly.

“Listen,” you copied his tone, “I’m not excited about this either, but I want to get a good grade for this class. If you don’t wanna help me, just say so and I’ll just work alone on this.”

“Don’t be stupid,” he rolled his eyes, “this is part of my grade too. I can’t let you fuck this up for the both of us.”

You rolled your eyes back at him and pressed your lips in a thin line. Ignoring what he said, you asked, “where do we start?”

“Let’s find a time to meet every week.” He pulled out the newest iPad model from his bag. Of course he would have the newest iPad. “I’m busy every day except Saturday, so let’s meet then.”

Way to consider your opinion. He was lucky that you weren’t busy on the weekends.

As Hyunjin worked on sorting his schedule, you took your time to look at how he had changed. With his hair blonde, he looked like a completely different person. You didn’t understand why he kept his hair long though. It kept falling in his eyes.

“Stop staring at me. It’s freaking me out.” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“I wasn’t.” You crossed your arms, defending yourself.

“Whatever.” He tucked his hair behind his ear and put his iPad back in his bag. “Don’t be late on Saturday.”

And with that, he left. You looked around the class. Most of the other students were still with their mentors, presumably getting to know each other and discussing the project. You almost wanted to ask your instructor to switch with somebody else, but that would mean passing on the nightmare known as Hwang Hyunjin onto a perfectly innocent person. You had your moments, but you weren’t evil.

The interaction with Hyunjin had left you in a sour mood for the rest of the day. You tried to study, but you were too distracted by the thought of having to work with that monstrosity for a whole semester. It was worth so much of your grade, too. You had just hoped that Hyunjin was as good at dance as he previously told you. You remembered him saying how dance was his passion in life. That was when you still liked him. Who knows, maybe he only said that so he could play you like every other girl he played with.

For the rest of the week, whenever you thought of the dance project, you were filled with dread. You tried to ignore it, and sometimes it worked, but most of the time it kept reappearing in your mind like a virus. The way Hyunjin had infected your mind bothered you to no end.

Time passed fast though, and before you knew it, Saturday had already come. Searching through your closet, you picked out a simple outfit for practice today. You slid on your tattered old sneakers and headed off to the studio that Hyunjin had told you to go to.

Entering the dance studio, you noticed that you were right on time. However, Hyunjin was not. Great… He made such a big deal over you being on time that he himself forgot to be punctual. You sat on the wood floors and started to do some stretches to warm up.

Eventually, after you finished your stretching, he entered the studio. With a girl. Holding a textbook, Hyunjin handed it to the girl and put on his signature deceitful smile. His ugly, perfect smile. The girl batted her eyes and waved her fingers goodbye before strolling out the door. You rolled your eyes at this, feeling bad for the girl. Hyunjin was playing her right in front of her own eyes and she didn’t even realize it.

“Were you really late because of a girl?” you sneered.

“Why do you care?” he retorted, flinging his bag to the corner of the room.

“I don’t.”

“Sure you don’t.”

Not wanting to waste time with that childish banter, you decided to end the conversation then and there. “Okay, well anyways, I’ll show you what I learned in class this week.”

Hooking up your phone to the speaker, you chose the song that you’ve been practicing with for the whole week. As the song progressed, you found it hard to not get lost in the music. Just dancing was the easy part; incorporating everything learned in class was another story. Although it was fairly difficult, you thought you executed everything very well as the song came to an end. Finishing up, you panted from exhaustion and looked at Hyunjin for his comments.

He stood, with his arms crossed across his torso, leaning against the speaker. There was a blank expression on his face.

“Not bad.” He started to walk up to you.

“But?”

“But you’re too stiff. You’re too focused on perfectly executing the technical moves that you forget to just move your body. Do what you did half-way through the song again.”

You turned the music on, trying to do the dance with Hyunjin’s criticisms in mind. Looking in the mirror, you did your best to show as much emotion as possible, all the while moving more fluidly. The room was filled with heavy bass and the squeaks from your sneakers.

Suddenly, the music was abruptly cut off.

Hyunjin had stopped the music and was making his way over, face still unreadable.

“You’re still trying too hard and it shows.” Hyunjin shook his head.

Clenching your jaw, you did your best to hold back your anger. Were you just not supposed to try? This annoyed you. Just because he didn’t need to try to be good at anything didn’t mean you couldn’t.

“Well,” you tried to say calmly, “how can I do this then?”

“You have to relax.” He put one hand on your hip and started to guide you. “Don’t focus on each individual aspect, but try to imagine everything as a whole. Then, things will come naturally.”

You followed his hand, allowing Hyunjin to guide you to his own rhythm. After a while, every movement felt so fluid and you didn’t even notice that your face started to match your movements. Glancing at your reflection, you gasped, noticing how different your dancing looked. You whipped your head to face Hyunjin, the two of your inches apart and breathing heavily.

“See,” he mumbled, looking down at you. “Once you stop thinking, everything just comes naturally.”

You looked back at the person inches away from you. It almost felt as if he was being kind. But you knew the type of person he was. You weren’t going to let this happen again. Snapping out of what weird trance you were in, you pushed him away in an act of self perseverance.

He didn’t say anything.

“I’ll try again,” you said.

Hyunjin strolled over to the speaker and turned on the music. This time, you didn’t think about anything you learned in class or Hyunjin’s criticisms. You just trusted in your body. Everything else was blank.

Taking a step forward while still in your trance, your shoe lost its grip on the floor, causing you to fall right on your knee. You cried in pain, holding on to your knee.

“Fuck,” Hyunjin hissed. He ran over and bent down to your level. “Can you move it?”

“I think so.” You tried to straighten your knee. It hurt, but you were still able to do it. There would most likely be a nasty bruise there the next morning.

“You’re still wearing those scraps that you call shoes? They’re literally coming apart at the seams. This is going to happen again if you don’t get new ones.”

You blushed in embarrassment from his remarks. “I’m not going to spend money on things that I don’t need.”

“Well, you need shoes. Just go buy a new pair later.”

Was he being serious? Or was he just spoiled?

“Hyunjin, not everybody can just go spend money whenever they want,” you loudly sighed. “Unlike you, I need to consider my budget for most things.”

“Well, why can’t you ask your boyfriend to buy it?” he sneered. “Seems like you’re good at doing that.”

How did he know you were still dating Jisung? What did he mean by ‘good at doing that’?

“What?” You crossed your eyebrows. “Do you think I’m with him just for his money? Do I really look like that kind of person to you?”

“You used me for my money,” he mumbled under his breath.

“What?” You couldn’t hear him right.

“Nevermind, rehearsal's over.” He stomped off, leaving you alone in the practice room holding on to your injured knee.

-

You busied yourself with everything and anything you could do over the weekend in order to forget what happened during rehearsal. However, no matter how hard you tried to forget, Hyunjin’s comments on your shoes stuck in your mind like glue.

During your shift at your job, you couldn’t help but keep staring at your worn sneakers. You never paid attention to your shoes before until now. They did the job, so why would you need to buy a new pair? Still, you unconsciously paid attention to every step you took.

On Monday’s dance class, you decided to go early. It was always nice to warm up in a room with other try-hards. They felt less judgemental than the others.

The studio barely had anybody in it this early before class. Everybody was either stretching or had already started going over what was taught last week. Shuffling your way over to your locker, you couldn’t help but compare everybody else’s shoes to your own. You’ve never cared about trivial matters such as shoes, but you couldn’t help but feel a little self conscious as your worn-in sneakers squeaked its way over to the lockers.

Opening your locker, your eyes widened, shocked at what you saw. Inside was a box containing a brand new pair of sneakers. It was an expensive brand as well, a brand that you never thought you would be touching in your life. You turned your head around, scanning the room. Everybody seemed to have been busy with their own thing.

Did somebody put these in your locker by mistake?

Taking the shoes out, you noticed a small slip of paper fly out. You picked up the note.

Keep these. I was a jerk.

You knew who had sent this. It was Hyunjin. You didn’t know what game he was trying to play at, but you weren’t going to fall for it like you did that day in high school. Gingerly putting the shoes back in your locker, you decided to return these back to Hyunjin at your next practice.

-

“No, I gave them to you as a gift.” Hyunjin turned his nose up at you, refusing to take back the shoes.

“Why would you give these to me if you think that I only use people for their money?”

“Because,” he rolled his eyes, “if you’re unable to dance then my grade is screwed as well.”

He made a good point, but you were stubborn. “Still…”

“You know what? Keep it, give it away, sell it, I don’t care. Let’s just start practice.”

After that dance practice, you threw your old shoes in the trash.

-

It was midterm season a month into school. You thought you had gone to hell and back with high school, but this was even worse. Each day consisted of waking up, studying, and going back to sleep. You lived on coffee and toast. It wasn’t much, but it gave you the energy to sit at the library for hours to study.

You didn’t see anybody during the midterm season, Instead, you chose to hermit yourself up at the library for days on end. This meant that, at least for a couple of weeks, your dance practice with Hyunjin was put on hiatus. Not that he minded, of course. He happily deleted the practices from his schedule.

You also didn’t see much of your boyfriend, Jisung. Ever since school started, he seemed to always be missing in action. He would almost never have time to be with you, and with the few moments that he was, it seemed like he was always so apathetic towards you. You brushed this off as stress though, as you finally knew what it was like to experience university exams.

It was a clear and sunny day on the morning you finished your last midterm. Leaving the exam room, you looked up to the sky, basking in the sun. Today was going to be a good day. Not only were you now stress free, but you were also invited to an end-of-midterm party for your dance class tonight. You had never gone to a university party before, so when a classmate asked if you wanted to go, you eagerly accepted.

Wrapping up your dance class, you stood at your locker, gathering the rest of your stuff.

“Hey.” An arm wrapped around you.

“Hey, Jisung.” You smiled, turning around to face him.

“You’re done all your midterms?”

“Yup.” You nodded happily.

He took a look at your shoes.

“New shoes?”

You hesitated in answering his question, not knowing where Jisung was with Hyunjin in terms of friendship. It was better to be truthful now rather than apologizing later.

“Hyunjin gave it to me.” You looked down, fiddling with your fingers. Why were you afraid of Jisung’s response?

“Wait, what? Hwang Hyunjin? Like from high school? Y/n, I thought you hated him.”

“I did! And I do,” you tried to explain, “but he had a reason to give me this.”

“Bullshit, Y/n. You’re really gonna believe any reason he pulls out of his ass? I thought you actually matured from high school.”

“Well, you would understand if you were around more often!” you yelled. You knew it was wrong to address other problems and blow this out of proportion, but you couldn’t think straight. Your mind was clouded with anger.

“What does this have to do with anything?” Jisung barked back. “What we’re talking about is how you, no matter how shitty of a person Hyunjin is, keep going back to him! Y/n, all that man does is take. He takes from you and he sure as hell takes everything from me. I won’t let that happen this time.”

When had he taken anything from you? All he had done was give.

“Jisung, let’s end this.”

“You’re right. Let’s cool down and talk later tonight.”

“No,” you shook your head, “I mean, let's end us.”

Jisung looked at you in disgust. “It’s Hyunjin, isn’t it?”

“No,” you vehemently denied, “Jisung, you never have time for me, and the little time we do have together you act like a different person. And now you’re being all possessive just because Hyunjin gave me a gift? I’m sorry, I just don’t see us recovering from this.”

“Fine, whatever.” Jisung turned around. “We’re done. But Y/n, don’t come running back to me when Hyunjin screws you over like he does with everybody.”

After Jisung left, you stomped your foot on the ground, tears pooling in your eyes. It was for the best — breaking up with him. For the past month, you hadn’t been happy with where your relationship was going, but this wasn’t the way you wanted to end an almost three year relationship.

Wiping away your tears, you tried to compose yourself before heading over to the pub. Jisung wasn’t worth the tears.

The walk to the pub wasn’t far as every establishment catered to students was a short walking distance from campus. For your entire walk over, you kept your head down so as to not receive looks from others. The headache from your cries and a blush of anger still lingered with you. Hopefully you’ll look somewhat normal by the time you reach the bar.

Checking your reflection once more in your phone camera, you fixed your hair a bit before going inside.

The bar was filled.

With students from both your dance class and the third year class, there was not an empty corner in sight. The music was loud, but the sounds of chatter coming from the students were louder. The place was dark, with the only source of light coming from very dim, bright blue LEDs.

It was surprising to see everybody in a different setting. You were used to the sight of your classmates being only in sweats and workout clothes, but now that they actually had time to get ready, everybody seemed like a completely different person.

You saw a few of your classmates wave at you, beckoning you over to where they were sitting. As soon as your butt landed on the chair, they spared no time to push a shot glass filled with clear liquor in front of you. You gladly took the drink, wanting to just let go and forget about everything that happened today. Holding back a cough, you scrunched your face as you felt the alcohol burn in your throat. It had been so long since the last time you drank.

After five you stopped counting. Partly because you knew you were going to drink more, but mostly because your head couldn’t even count to five anymore. Scrunching your eyes, you tried to focus on the blurry figure of your classmate complaining about her professor. Bored out of your mind as her mindless babble went on forever, your eyes started roaming around the bar. As your eyes wandered, you noticed somebody behind your classmate staring at you.

Hwang Hyunjin.

Even in your inebriated state of mind, you knew that it was Hyunjin. What other university student had the balls to bleach their whole head blonde? Your eyes met, and he ran a hand through his golden locks. Why do the most beautiful people harbour the most wretched personalities?

You tried to ignore his staring by focusing your attention back on your classmate, but eventually, you couldn’t help but glance back at him. He was still looking at you.

You saw a girl come up to him. She was the same girl that showed up with him on your first ever practice session. Because of the dimly lit bar and your drunken vision impairment, you had to really squint to make out what was going on. The girl, all smiley and giggly, put her hand on his shoulder, making Hyunjin break his eye contact with you. He smiled at the girl, mouthing words that were drowned out by the music. For some reason, this made you furious. Why was he so nice to everybody else but you? What had you ever done to him to make him hate you so much?

You kept your eyes on the girl, knowing full well that you shouldn’t have. You hated that — even on your night off, even when you had just broken up with your boyfriend — Hyunjin was still in your mind like an unkillable parasite. You hated the way he tucked his hair behind his ears. You hated how the corners of his eyes crinkled up when he smiled at her. You hated him.

You watched as she leaned in and whispered something in his ear, causing him to laugh. That was the last straw. In a drunken haze, you took your phone and bolted out the door, ignoring the concerns of all your classmates. Maybe it had been a mistake breaking up with Jisung. Maybe he really did know what was best for you.

Stumbling out onto the street, you tried to dial Jisung’s phone number. It proved to be too difficult of a task, however, as your drunken fingers could only tap on random numbers on the screen. You cried out of frustration.

“Y/n.”

The voice coming from behind you startled you, causing you to lose your grip on the phone. It dropped on the cement with a loud crack. Tears welled up in your eyes as you bent down to pick up your phone. There was a huge crack right down the middle of the screen.

“You cracked my phone,” you said, trying to keep your composure.

“So? It’s not like it’s worth much anyways. Just ask your boyfriend to buy you one.” Hyunjin’s evil eyes squinted down at you.

“Why are you still on about this? Hyunjin, I’ve never used anybody for money and I never will!” You couldn’t control the tears flowing down your face. “Plus, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I broke up with Jisung today.”

You didn’t know why you were spilling your guts to the last man in the world you would trust. Surely, it was the alcohol.

“Y/n.” His tone had completely changed. He almost looked — concerned?

“Whatever, Hyunjin,” you slurred. “Just leave me alone. You can go back to that girl and have your fun with her.”

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t care.”

“Y/n, why do you care?” His tone got louder.

“I don’t!” you yelled at him. Your tears made everything even more blurry.

“Y/n! Tell me, why do you care?!” He spat back at you with just as much fury.

“Fuck you, Hyunjin. News flash, not everything in the world revolves around you and your rich and prestigious life. Maybe you wouldn’t be so toxic if you would just understand that.” You screamed at him through your sobs. “Also, I don’t know where you got this stupid story of my being a cash whore from, but I will say this one last time: I have worked for everything in my life and I have never and will never use anybody for their money.”

Hyunjin looked back at you, shocked. You stared back at him in disgust. Not wanting to waste anymore time on him, you stumbled down the street to look for a taxi. However, as you wobbled down the pavement, everything became even blurrier than before. You felt nauseous. You couldn’t control it anymore.

You threw up. All over the sidewalk. You couldn’t stop. Every time you thought that it was over, more and more came out. Your throat burned, and it wasn’t just the alcohol.

As you hurled out all the remains of today’s lunch, your hair was held back.

“Get away from me, Hyunjin,” you groaned. You didn’t want him to see you this weak.

“Who else is gonna take care of your drunk ass, idiot,” he mumbled.

That was the last thing you heard before everything went black.

-

It was a blinding white light that woke you up. You groaned, trying to block the light with your forearm. Cracking your neck, you tried to holster yourself up.

You were on a leather couch. Squinting, you surveyed the room you were in. It was clean, spacious. The floor was a white marble — there wasn’t a single speck of dust to be seen. Across from you was an incredibly wide TV with many game consoles scattered around it. You looked behind you. There was a large kitchen island illuminated by warm pendant lights. Sitting at the island, on his laptop, was Hyunjin.

“Wh-what happened to me?”

“You’re the worst fucking drinker I’ve ever seen, that’s what happened.”

You rolled your eyes.

Hyunjin ignored you, standing up and leaving for another room. Less than a minute later, he reappeared with a toothbrush and a roll of toothpaste.

“Go clean up. You look disgusting.”

You snatched the toothbrush from his hands. He pointed over to the bathroom and you trudged your way over. His bathroom was huge, almost bigger than your bedroom at home. You felt as if you were in a hotel.

“Your bathroom is huge.” After washing up, you felt not only cleaner, but more awake. “You’re really living the life with your family’s money, huh.”

Hyunjin sighed, slamming his laptop shut causing you to flinch. “Why, after everything, do you think I’m this rich, pretentious fuck?”

You rolled your eyes. Not this again. “Well, why do you still think I’m this money hungry monster?”

“You really wanna know why, Y/n? It’s because Jisung told me so. He was the one who told me that all those years ago.”

You were shocked. Jisung was the one who told him that? Your ex-boyfriend that you had loved and dated for almost three years? You didn’t want to believe it, you really didn’t, but there was this tiny whisper in the back of your mind telling you that it was true. He had a reason to — Jisung was always going on about how Hyunjin always took from him.

“But Y/n, I-” He stopped mid-sentence.

“You what, Hyunjin?”

He pressed his lips to yours, caressing the back of your head. You were shocked, but almost autonomously, your lips parted feeling the heat of his breath against yours. He pressed his body to yours, running his hand down your waist. His lips, the same lips responsible for his perfect smile, felt so soft against your own. You heard the thuds of his heartbeat as he held you closer.

You broke apart, gasping for breath. The realization of what you had done just hit you.

In a panic, you used your whole strength to push his body away from you. “I-I have to go.”

“Y/n, wait!” Hyunjin called.

You paid him no attention. Instead, you ran across the marble floors, hoisted the front door open, and sprinted out. Hoping that Hyunjin wasn’t following you, found your way outside and took a taxi home.

You sat in silence, trying to process what had just happened. You had just kissed Hyunjin. You had just kissed Hyunjin. Hands shaking, you grasped at the ends of your hair, trying to calm yourself down. Did that just happen?

You were more mad at yourself than at him. How could you have just kissed Hyunjin? You hated him. He was nothing but rude to you, never smiling and always accusing you of things that were clearly lies. He made you feel self conscious, nervous, and everything in between. You hated him.

But he was so sweet on that fateful day in high school. He gave you a new pair of shoes when you had slipped during practice, and he held your hair for you when you were drunk. His hair glistened in the sunlight, his smile made your heart race, and his lips ignited sparks of every colour in the rainbow in your chest.

You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated how fast you became infatuated with him on that day in high school, and no matter how much you tried to deny it, you hated that your feelings haven’t changed ever since. You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated that you loved him.

Curling up in your bed, there was no stopping the tears flowing down your face. You cried and cried upon this realization, and you remained this way for the rest of the day. The effect Hyunjin had on you was bigger than you ever expected, and you hated it.

-

At school, you tried to avoid as many people as possible. The kiss you had shared with Hyunjin was plaguing your mind, distracting you and igniting the fire that was your inner turmoil. Even the thought of Hyunjin put a strain in your heart. It was the way his breath fanned over your nose, gently tickling it like a bird’s feather and the soft silk of his blonde locks brushing up against your cheeks.

You shook your head, trying to erase any and every thought of that man. Walking to your locker, you were stopped in your tracks, the dam in your eyes starting to crack. You couldn’t do this today. You turned around to go somewhere else — anywhere else.

“Y/n, wait.”

You sniffed, wiped stray tears from your eyes, and picked up your pace.

“Y/n.” He grabbed your shoulder, turning you around to face him.

“Hyunjin, please, I can’t do this today.”

“Are you… Are you crying?” He touched your face, wiping your tears with his thumb. “Y/n, why are you crying?”

You shook your head. You were scared of what would happen if you opened your stupid mouth.

“Y/n, please.” Hyunjin begged. His voice was shaking. “Tell me why.”

You shook your head again.

“Y/n, please.” His voice cracked.

“Hyunjin,” you paused, taking a shaky breath, “it’s because I love you. I’ve loved you ever since the first moment you smiled at my pathetic ass. Even when you hurt me more than anyone has hurt me before… I never had a choice, Hyunjin. It’s always been you.”

You tore yourself away from Hyunjin, embarrassed to your core. That was the most humiliating thing you’ve ever done, but at least you had closure now.

“Y/n…”

“No, Hyunjin. You’ve torn me down and humiliated me enough already. What more could you possibly want?” You demanded, aware that everybody around you was staring.

“Y/n,” Hyunjin rasped, “It’s only ever been you. I’ve spent the last three years miserable knowing that you were with someone else. I’ve-I’ve never even been with another girl in the past three years. I know you have no reason to believe me because I was such an ass. I am such an ass. Y/n, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for projecting my insecurities on you, I’m sorry for accusing you of things I know you’ve never done, and I’m sorry for anything else I might have fucking done. Y/n, I love you. Please, I don’t fucking deserve it, but is there any way you could forgive me?”

You stared at Hyunjin’s bloodshot eyes, tears freely flowing down your cheeks, and before you could even think, you found yourself pressed against his lips. Your eyes closed, savouring the feeling of his soft lips touching your own. His wet cheek pressed against your own, and with a nudge of the nose, Hyunjin deepend the kiss with a raw passion in which you’ve never felt before.

You cradled his head, relishing in his silken blonde hair as you brushed your fingers through his locks. He sighed in response, his breath tickling against your cheek. You were fully aware that everyone on campus had seen both your messy confessions of love, but you didn’t care. All you could do was replay the moment that Hyunjin had said those words — those three tiny words — over and over in your head as you ran your fingers through his hair and kissed his soft, honey lips.