#I listen to audiobooks ALLLLL the time

[kuwdora]

Star Wars audiobooks! I've been restless for new Star Wars since Andor ended. Been going through a handful of Disney era and Legends novels over the last few months. I have enough reactions to get down into an actual post. Mostly I'm just going to be foaming at the mouth over Marc Thompson and Sam Witwer's narration and falling over myself about the characters. I have listened to: Dark Disciple, Last Shot, Disney Thrawn trilogy, Heir to the Empire, Darth Maul: Shadow Hunter. Lots of these books I liked, some of them I didn't but the narration and characters are still amazing. Motherfucking MARA JADE. Asajj Ventress!!!!!!!! I have no rational mind about Maul and I am one of those feral stick figures chewing on Thrawn. Hnnghh.

First of all, let me start with Marc Thompson. He's been doing the audiobooks for years and years now. Here’s a great intro where he’s talking about the differences of doing character voices and learning the importance of bringing the right dynamic to the prose. He slips so seamlessly into his Star Wars voices reel, ahaha.

Here is a really cute Lip Sync Battle where Marc Thompson will say a line and then have a fan lip sync the same line back at the camera. His energy, his energy I love it so much. Everyone is having SO MUCH FUN. There’s also a cameo by Star Wars author Christie Golden in this video. Super cute.

First book:

Dark Disciple - Christie Golden Narrated by Marc Thompson

Alright I actually had picked this up ages go from my library and never read it but since I’ve been on an audiobook kick, Marc Thompson got me goin’ with alllll his voices.

I love Asajj Ventress so I was pretty much guaranteed to enjoy something from this book. Apparently it was written based on some unfinished scripts for an arc that would have happened if the show didn’t get cancelled. Knowing this makes a lot more sense with regards to the pacing and I think I would have preferred the animated episodic for this since I think a lot of the early Quinlan and Asajj stuff dragged a little too much. However I did appreciate getting more of a deeper dive in Asajj’s head and it really made me want to go digging through AO3 for some amazing character studies that I know must exist at this point.

But yeah, I didn’t think I’d enjoy the eventual romance between Asajj and Quinlan but Quinlan was such a perfect set-up for a fall from the Jedi Order. I think I’m just really easy when it comes to whumping the fuck out of Jedi with torture and their own emotional repression.

I was really into all the Dathomir scenes and the history of Asajj with her sisters being touched upon again and how she managed to not “go crazy from the dark side” because of the balance she found because she was a Nightsister.

A++ for Asajj having to go to Boba fucking Fett to mount a rescue mission inside a fake heist.

Really I think I’m just so easy for murdery women with a rage boner. Fuck Dooku.

Marc Thompson’s narration was a delight and I definitely would recommend this for anyone who enjoyed The Clone Wars series and wanted to get a little more Asajj screen time. Here’s a scene where someone pulled Clone Wars clips and put Dark Disciple audio underneath. Marc Thompson bringing incredible Dooku subservience and Sidious danger, hhhngh.

7/10, would listen to again even though I'd rather see the finished episodes.

Last Shot (A Han and Lando Novel) - Daniel Jose Older Narrated by Marc Thompson, Daniel Jose Older and January LaVoy

This book was extremely disappointing. Normally I am a fan of seeing fan-favorites have their mid-life crises but I was extremely bored and over with Older’s take on Han having an existential crisis of who he was as a father an husband in this post-Empire world. Lando on the other hand, was having a crisis of genuinely having fallen in love and not knowing how to handle that. I fucking loved that.

This book had multiple timelines and jumped around a lot and I don’t know if I just wasn’t focused enough while listening but the timeline jumps were jarring and incomprehensible at times. The action plot ended up being rather unsatisfying.

It was also very jarring to have three narrators for the different timelines and I kind of feel bad because I went and looked and Older’s narration is just consistently getting panned across all reviewers—and for good reason. Thompson and LaVoy are experienced voice actors and with Older in the middle, Older just seems slapdash in his reading. If it was just Older all the way through I might have been more forgiving but going back and forth with everyone… it really was painful at times.

It was a slog to get through this book, really. What I actually really enjoyed was all the original characters: an Ewok slicer, a nonbinary hot shot pilot, and Lando’s love of his life whose name is slipping my mind even now, agh. I wasn’t fan of the villain character, unfortunately, and it was a bit of a letdown that the action plot was just… I don’t know, boring. It was a riff on transhumanism except with droids and a bit of droid supremacy to it and I was just... tired by it.

Marc Thompson was KILLING it tho. His performances always fucking delight me. January LaVoy’s narration of Lando and L-3 were also really great even though I just wasn’t into the scenes themselves.

3/10 - do not recommend, HOWEVER I would read fic about the lady ewok hacker Peekpa.

Darth Maul: Shadow hunter By Michael Reeves Narrated by SAM WITWER

I am, as the fannish parlance goes, Not Normal about Maul or Sam Witwer's performance as Maul.

This novel takes place just before the events of The Phantom Menace and it’s a Star Wars story that is very, very narrow in scope. The stakes are still very high because someone has gained information about the Trade Federation’s impending blockade and Sidious sends Maul to go and take care of it. The whole story takes place in the underbelly of Coruscant and I gotta say, it’s really refreshing after going through a bunch of Star Wars shows, books and films where it’s all galactic hopping whirlwind stuff to have that's in one place and happening in a short amount of time. I think it's something like 2 or 3 days that all the events happen.

Michael Reeves is a man of deep characterization and creates an amazing sense of place in the Black Sun alley of Corusant. We get very little Sidious and Maul interaction but what bits we do get are fascinating and haunting. I do like the ‘less is more’ approach here with these two...although I will say I’m not sure I would have picked up this book if I hadn’t gone through The Clone Wars and lost my goddamn mind over Sam Witwer’s portrayal of Maul.

And his performance here. In this book. I don’t know what it is about Witwer but when he does Maul my brain just lights up in a way that I haven’t really gotten outside of live theater performances. He brings this sense of ruthlessness and competence to Maul, his gleeful rage and oscillating mania as he ends up tracking an information broker and Jedi Padawan. Oh, Witwer is truly just. Fucking amazing, okay.

I would love this book even if it wasn’t Witwer narrating it but my god he elevates it to a whole new level. I got my copy from the library but it is immediately on my to-buy list once I can buy books again.

Michael Reeves also wrote for Batman the Animated series and Gargoyles which makes a whole lot of sense in the way he’s able to just create such lush sensory detail of place and people, oh holy fuck. He’s the writer who wrote the Gargoyles episode about Broadway accidentally shooting Elisa with her gun (this is an episode that got pulled from airing and I don’t think they have on Disney+ right now). Aw man, alright I definitely need to read more of his stuff now.

The action plot is Lorn Pavan is a down-on-his-luck fellow who got information he shouldn’t have and he is trying to sell it, Darsha the Jedi Padawan gets sent down to bring in a Black Sun informant and things go tits up for her in horrible ways. Darsha and Lorn’s paths collide and they try to survive Maul. I love everything about these characters, except for the end where Lorn started having romantic feelings about the Padawan. Blech.

Also somehow I think I-5 is now my second favorite droid character I’ve come across in the greater Star Wars canon (Chopper will always be my #1 grumpy cat droid). Witwer has the best dry delivery for the droid character. Like. It’s so fucking GOOD.

I’m also impossibly impressed and obsessed with Witwer’s performance of Sidious and the Jedi Council. His Qui-Gon is SO FUCKING GOOD. His Palaptine has my teeth rattling in my head oh my god.

Here’s the first 5 or so minutes of Shadow Hunter, hhnngh. You get Maul, Sidious a drunk Lorn Pavan, and my new droid bestie I-5:

I am 100% going to be reading Michael Reeves’ other Star Wars novels. Apparently he has a series that follows a Jedi-in-hiding post-Order 66 and I want to just dunk my head in all the Star Wars noir, I guess, yes please.

10/10 - I love, would heartily recommend to anyone wanting a kind of story that’s more heavy on character and setting and also SAM WITWER!!!!!!!!! Maul. Hnnghghghgh.

TIMOTHY ZAHN TIME.

Thrawn Trilogy (Disney era) Thrawn, Thrawn Alliances, Thrawn Treason Narrated by Marc Thompson

This was my second time through the Disney novels. I watched Star Wars Rebels first, then my friend jb_slasher told me about Thrawn having novels. I had vaguely heard of Heir to the Empire over the years and also my friend recommended the Disney trilogy so I figured I’d start with that since I was diving off from Disney canon anyway.

My god I love this trilogy so fuckin’ much. Marc Thompson out here nailing it. This Thrawn is the type of character who is always the smartest person in the room and I should get irritated by that like all the other characters but mmmm, I have a competence kink. And I am just over the moon with how he instills loyally and allegiance in his crew who can now have a commander who is not interested in politicking his way through things but actually is committed to strategy and whatnot.

Also fucking Zahn made Thrawn go back to space college. And gave him a little protege who he grew to admire. Eli Vanto is a great character, I am reading a lot of slash about them obviously but yeah, I loved seeing his growth throughout the trilogy. And THRAWN ALLIANCE. Y’all. Y’all. The Star Wars memes about Thrawn and Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker are AMAZING and really do the hilarity so much justice. Here's a fantastic book trailer cut together with Marc Thompson' narration, hnngh.

This man absolutely knows who Darth Vader is and Darth Vader is like “oh fuck no you don’t.” And when Thrawn had met Anakin during the Clone Wars and Anakin had to try and work together with him? Perfection. Bonus Padme getting to be a ridiculous and foolish badass when she goes looking for trouble. And also her also having a competence kink for Thrawn, too. It cracks me the fuck uuuuuup, okay.

Thrawn absolutely hates politics so fucking much and I love to see how that is the primary way he gets thwarted or has to build his strategy around. Because people are fucking assholes and political everywhere. Seriously, have I mentioned how much I love Marc Thompson??

Thrawn Treason gave us more of Thrawn’s people and whatnot with the Chiss which I also liked but I’m really less interested in their motivations and experiences as a culture on the edge of the Empire. More here for Vanto now getting to be the fish-out-of-water and leveling up and getting all the respect he deserves.

MARC THOMPSON, y’all. He does a great Thrawn, an AMAZING whinybaby sycophant Ronan of the Starkiller Project, and his Eli Vanto Space Yokel intonation is 💋. Also I feel like the loyalty and trust that Thrawn earns from his subordinates really feeds into this praise kink thing that everyone develops by being around him. I love it.

10/10 will lose my mind and listen/read this trilogy again and also read all the fanfic about it.

Heir to the Empire Timothy Zahn

I am sorry it took me 30 years to get here but I AM NOW HERE FOR MARA JADE’S RAGE BONER. Let me repeat: MARA. JADE. !!!!!!!!!

Also holy fuck. Luke Skywalker getting to be smart, technically creative and able to navigate through terrible situations in spite of a Force-Blocking Macguffin is AMAZING. I was not expecting to be this into a post-Empire Luke but I really fucking loved it.

I also love all of the Han and Lando scenes in this (WAY MORE than Last Shot, sorry Daniel Jose Older).

Leia and Chewie!! On Kashyyk!! Talon Karrde was so great (Thompson made him kind of sound like Antonio Banderas??)

Thrawn and his bestie Pelleaon! What a fascinating dynamic.

I actually was not very into Thrawn’s vibes in this book as much as I was in the Disney stuff. I don’t know if it’s because of the vibes they wrote him in Star Wars rebels that got filtered back into Zahn’s take on him for the books (or if it was the other way around?) - Like, the calculating tactical and man of strategy is still there, but… hm, I’ve been struggling to articulate what about it that didn’t tickle me as much. He’s still playing the long game in every situation but I don’t know… I think there’s this more pragmatic view of people he has in the Disney books that he doesn’t get here in the first of this trilogy. I haven’t gotten to the other two books from this series yet so maybe I’ll feel differently later. The anniversary edition of the audiobook that I got from my library was narrated by Marc Thompson and he (you'll be so surprised) fucking nailed it all for me. Love love love.

10/10 timothy zahn, I love you. You got an amazing way of writing action. I gotta read more of your stuff. Anyway, I'm also starting the Ahsoka novella that I think (??) is not quite canon anymore since they got a final season for Clone Wars, but it's by E.K. Johnston and narrated by Ahoska's voice actor Ashley Eckstein. Don't have enough thoughts about it yet but I love Ahsoka so I'm sure I'll have a decent time.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

prompts

April 26th: Talk about special interests. Do you have special interests? If not do you wish you did? What do your special interests mean to you? What are your current special interests? What are your past special interests? idk like i know i sure have & have had Interests, some more of interest than others, and it's also like, oh yeah i guess the ways i held that interest / explored it pretty intently / extensively / at length didn't always seem to be the way other people always felt about things even if we shared the interest, but yknow, at the same time it doesn't necessarily seem as extensive or major as some of the aspects of defining a Special Interest(tm) can be, i haven't been too pressed about it, but of course it's like, i have my Things lol, i.e. yeah this thing is kind of My Thing....and then i can look back on Things like. well idk when i was really little and you're just gonna like Cool Stuff, i did have the thing of like, i like dinosaurs and did sorta casually collect dinosaur stuff, easy enough b/c they make that stuff for kids, memorized a bunch of dinosaur Names so that just being asked to recite a bunch was something i was known to be able to do, a big fan of a couple semi educational computer games we had, shoutout to 3d dinosaur adventure and this magic school bus dinosaur (and ocean) game, had pajamas ft dinosaurs, rip to when i had a sick metal lunchbox with dinosaurs on it and it just broke on like week 1 of first grade or whatever and i just had to go back to default lunchboxes. well and then but anyways but from then on it was like, well, i guess it's media time......read a shit ton all the time, was into some tv series / movies, played some pc / video games, there was stuff i'd be glad to revisit over and over, and yknow, as this went on it'd be like, well now when there's A Relatable Enough Character in something i also like just in general, that's a powerful combo, though sometimes it's like, yeah i like this thing enough even in the absence of any particular [and i extra go hard about this character] element, that's not Not at play as it's like "well and i guess i will think about this quant every day for years now lmfao," and i can sure always talk about stuff At Length too, which sure is not something other people are generally interested in, but if/when they are, it's like okay great, this is a great connection point then, b/c otherwise it's like, i generally don't know what to say about myself, didn't get much practice, did pick up a sense of like, well stuff is Wrong about myself and my life so i shouldn't share it and also i'm not picking up friends so it was generally accurate that no one was exactly interested lmao. small talk is really more of a barrier / test you can just potentially fail, yet anything more personal is Oversharing, but hey i would earnestly love to talk at length about This Thing, so great when other people are into that at all lol and then if we vibe it's like, obviously that's the sort of functional "small talk" route here lol to being able to be more familiar w/each other and talk more generally, even if yknow, wuh oh, i'm kind of cagey outside those Interests i will talk about in ways that's probably "too much" by most ppl's standards, worst of both worlds when it comes to forming relationships but oh well, it is what it is and i sure don't consider it a bad thing i have plenty to say about things i Want to talk about, and it sure doesn't impede on anyone else if i'm Not Talking about other shit.

also then it's like, "idk what it is when you just determinedly Pursue something that's maybe still not the hugest deal, but i don't really feel very pressed re: figuring it out" like, does it count like how i mentioned today i'd read bird guides for fun as a kid, and watch this bird documentary and be like "hey. check out this scene in this bird documentary with this bird mimicry" to friends i now realize were probably mostly bemused by this, and really liked birds just generally (still true), and thus have like, maybe more Bird Knowledge than the average random person but also am hardly some self taught ornithological expert. or how i'm big into linguistics and etymology and, in theory, language learning, always really latching on to the little i was taught in school, also perusing some Language Guides available, and like, not really self teaching a bit re: learning some of a couple languages, just learning via teaching resources outside of [directly through any academic institution], never took any language classes, sure have no fluency in fuckall.........how about that i just decided as a kid like "hm i want to be able to draw" b/c i felt that way (and yknow, still do in a way lol) about pretty much anything, but i just also liked doodling and took some art classes and it was always this casual thing and now i use this to make fanart for the Media Interests lol, and although this is all digital drawing and drawing was always my primary thing it's like, well okay also yeah there was like, some painting / pastels / sculpting other Visual Arts stuff, and then, like, i sure enjoyed dance classes and the Performing Arts aspect of that, theatre gay adjacent b/w that and choir lol, have regular dreams about being part of impromptu dance performances, including just last night, rip to the special thwarting of "oh no i'm going around trying to get food before the show, getting stuck in traffic or lost in stores, and i've missed my whole first appearance" lol. anxiety dreams never end........and idk, i've had a love for math stuff, physics stuff, space stuff, even felt that [!] for the little i was able to get into circuitry and coding, but yknow. learning that shit is kind of involved and i only had so much experience re: taking classes, also, unfortunately, i always hated school lmao, so it's just kind of there where i'm like oh i get Into this shit in the ways that other people who are definitely Into it feel about it lmao. but yeah, idk, i do have like. well here's this sort of stuff i think about Every Day, this sort of mental home base sometimes, that i don't get tired of and reexplore / reexperience pretty intensively, but at the same time like, sometimes i can just sort of have something be that Interest for a lot more of a temporary duration, and things that were that main shit is like, well Probably when i like it that much once i like it down the line even if i haven't been that focused on it in the meantime, more just latent, but then it's like, well, but probably could and would still talk So Much about it still even if it's not like, oh yeah i'm Into This(tm) right Now lol..........idk! but i sure get really into shit and like, if anyone else is interested in me talking at length / drawing about it, that's sure probably the most successful grounds for Connection lmao cuz yknow. even people who maybe share that interest aren't guaranteed to see that and go "yeah this is someone i'm interested in actually talking to though" like yeah here's your preview of my personality i guess lol

April 27th: What is your favourite form of media? For example, do you enjoy books? What format do you prefer for books (physical, e-book, audiobook)? Did you love reading as a kid but find it challenging as you got older? How about movies, tv, or video games? Do you have a favourite series? yeah i read all the time as a kid, on the bus, if i finished shit early at school, on the bus again, also at home plenty, not so much when i was in college when it's like oh i can just do kinda whatever now (also as people point out it's like. well gotta do all this reading for classes now so) and then it was like, i'll get into other Media i can freely experience at any time, and also hang out with people Some, which i can also just do whenever now, as opposed to at any point before this......still like reading but it can sure kind of be a Whole Thing, like i either can't focus and it's like well time to read like, a paragraph or page a day, or else i'm focusing Too Much really like, if i'm at all trying to see how something ends i might burn through it in a few days (still a fairly slow reader) which is like, do i want to spend multiple days on this One Thing, even if it takes me like, multiple times the runtime to watch a movie or something, that's still probably getting done in 1 day. plus that yeah, mostly reading new shit via laptop, which is kind of a pain as opposed to physical books or like, e readers in theory, i've never actually used one. the only time i used an audiobook was a few times as a kid to read along with longer books to sort of help with that momentum, such a hot minute ago that this was via Tape Cassette.....i do listen to podcasts though, great for like, doing Something Else at the same time, which i don't know that i could split up that focus and guaranteed successfully absorb a book, Maybe So but select podcasts are my Extensive Audio of choice. never really watched that much tv, there were some stuff me and my siblings might watch as it aired, but not really Narrative Series lol, never seen shit, haven't even really watched That many movies either, still don't Really even though it's like yeah w/e in Theory i enjoy these mediums it's like oh my godddd it's a whole thing to focus on one and then plus what if i don't like it but i've had to put in all that time to know i didn't like it lmao.......i can enjoy keeping up with a tv series like, oh boy once a week a half hour to hour installment, that's a great format truly, but i'm rarely getting that experience lmao like. with billions you could stand 2 weeks between episodes b/c whew but it's v Rare like oh thank god, a series with that weekly release........but otherwise it's like ugh do i wanna have alllll this material to watch, do i wanna go through the whole process of figuring out what movie i feel like giving a try........and that i like Revisiting shit i already like pretty endlessly so it's like, i might just do that. so it's like, audio wise i'll put on podcasts, if i feel like watching something i Might be bothered to try out a movie or smthing b/c yknow, ultimately more doable to consume something that's just a few hours, all that when i'm Thinking About a tv series every day for years lmfao, shoutout to billions which sure gets to be my fave b/c tf else am i keeping up with, literally nothing else, even if i haven't gotten around to actually watching all of it yet / haven't simply sat straight through even the episodes i have watched, i Could do it but it's like god formidable when it's sure more than a movie's worth of content and plenty of "i don't care about this and/or hate this" to make me put my head through the wall lmfao thank you billions........also sometimes i remember like "oh yeah, i guess in theory i enjoy video games as well" but i didn't have That much experience w/them and sure don't now, so that's like well irrelevant ig. media

[gffa]

Scattered Star Wars Thoughts:  - I finished Empire’s End and I am saaaaaaad because I have no more of it!  It was very worth reading, though, especially in my hunger for the ST to feel more epic and this really did help a lot, but also Sinjir and Jas and Norra and Jom and Temmin and Mon and Conder and Leia and alllll of themmmm. It was kind of hard to get through the final parts, having Norra go through all of that with Brenton and Rae and Wedge and all of them, knowing how much loss she would have to face here, but then also how much she was going to have to face because she rejoined the battle in TROS and Snap died there.  I’m sad for Kare and Poe and the others, but also NORRA, she’s lost SO MUCH and now she has to face EVEN MORE HEARTBREAK, sobs. As always, I think they work better as audiobooks, but I would heartily recommend them to anyone who wants to get into the timeline between ROTJ and TFA, or who just wants a lovable group of ragtag assholes who learn to become better/better adjusted people.  Very, very slowly.  And are still kind of assholes, but assholes you love by the end.  AND LOVE THEM I DO. - I’ve started Twilight Company as my next audiobook to have on in the background, which I’m almost an hour into and it’s not catching me yet, but I’m willing to give it more time, as I like Freed’s work a lot.  (Has anyone else read/listened to it?) - During shark week, I spent a lot of extra time in bed being cranky and lethargic, so I mainlined the show Barry and wound up really loving it.  It really is sharply written, the scenes are genuinely funny and often heartbreaking, that characters who could so easily be annoying (and that’s almost all of them) have enough heart or are such great scene-stealers that I kept getting won over. The premise is basically:  A former Marine comes home and has nothing else and no one else to turn to, so his father’s friend molds him into a hitman, but he’s getting really burnt out on this, as well as it becomes increasingly clear that he’s incredibly emotionally stunted because of everything, so he’s incredibly unsure of who he is or how to handle anything, but starts to discover himself through an acting class that he gets wrapped up in. It’s often pretty dark, it’s sort of in the vein of something like Dexter or Breaking Bad, where the main character is not a good person, but there’s a lot of wanting to be a better person and genuinely caring about specific others, as well as Bill Hader has THE funniest straight man face when people around him are doing bizarre shit that the character has no fucking idea what to do with. The supporting cast is really good--characters that should be annoying (the super polite and hospitable Chechen mobster who is constantly bouncing off the wall could be Too Wacky, but god what a fucking scene-stealer Anthony Carrigan turned out to be!  the girlfriend from acting class is incredibly self-absorbed at times and it can get annoying, but then the show digs a little deeper and you realize that there’s a layer of protectiveness there and the actress really just nails it, Stephen Root’s mentor character could be annoying and obnoxious, but as monstrous as he is, you can tell he seems to genuinely care about Barry in his own twisted way) instead wind up being absolutely fascinating to watch and the plotting of the show is surprisingly tightly done, and you can tell the creators really wanted to get this kind of set-up right, that it’s not about glorifying violence (though, sometimes you kind of can’t help it--but other times they nail that juxtaposition about how “awesome” it is versus what it does to someone and you wind up feeling kind of horrible in the way you’re precisely meant to) but telling a story about this fucked up guy trying to be Not Evil and it’s hilariously done and I just zipped through it because I couldn’t put it down. - Now that I’ve finished that one, it’s back to The Untamed and I still love it (HOW ARE THEY ALL SO PRETTY) and right now my biggest thought is:  AHHHHHH WHERE DO I EVEN START WITH FIC READING BECAUSE I NEED SOME RESOLUTION BANGING RIGHT NOW. Scattered Star Wars Thoughts/2020 Resolutions Update: - Star Wars: The Clone Wars s04e14-19 Current total:  79/260 Scattered Everything Else Thoughts/ 2020 Resolutions Update: - Barry s02e02-08 - The Untamed - 07-09 Current total:  112/260 Star Wars Fic Recs 2020 Resolutions Update Current total written:  93/520

[skunkamunka]

si was tagged by @naramdil (thank U!!!)

are you staying home from work/school?

yeah, working all my jobs online + online school, all the time on my laptop is making me insane

if you are staying home, who is with you?

my parents & my 3 sisters!

are you a homebody?

hm i love to come home feeling fulfilled by interacting w people irl bc i feel like it helps keep me grounded and feeling like a real person, all this time w out contact from the outside world has got me feeling absolutely out of touch w reality and insane so i think the answer is, no, although i love coming home exhausted and being able to find comfort in my bed

an event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

the launch of the spring issue of my zine! My friend and I were especially excited about this one because we got funding from the sexual assault and relationship violence prevention group at my uni and this issue was focusing on those topics and ramadan so we were really excited but now we are figuring out if it’s possible to shift to an online launch but we aren’t sure how many people would even be interested in attending or buying our zine so we’ll see what happens, but iA we figure out a way to do it

what movies have you watched recently?

i have been alternating between rewatching cmbyn and little women everyday, i recently showed mama Gone Girl so that was exciting, i watched k3g bc it came on netflix but was reminded how much i don’t love it hahaha, think i’ll watch the last song next i miss it

What shows are you watching?

uh doing an unwise rewatch of skins uk, rewatching euphoria, zindagi gulzar hai, and then watching a few pakistani dramas for the first time but honestly none of them are that good; dil ruba, mehar posh, ye dil mera, tarap

what music are you listening to?

ugh been reverting to alllll my old favorites, like new perspective - radnor, everybody talks - neon trees, stereo hearts, the hanging tree from hunger games LOLOL

what are you reading?

was trying to get back into reading but couldn’t find anything to hold my interest, esp after focusing on a screen for work/school all day i want to give my eyes some rest and haven’t been able to find any audiobooks i want to listen to! recently tried to read the twilight series from edward’s POV like i found the entire thing online but got bored unfortunately :(

what are you doing for self care?

to be honest - nothing. like i’m lucky if i shower every other day, i only eat cookies and water, and barely wash my face :( obvi need 2 change that. i Have been making so many TikToks if that counts

I would like to tag @haram-jaan @elfenana @brownandwhat @thepakistallion @lamenerd3000 @amsamsa and everyone else who wants 2 do it!!! ( i always forget everyone’s URLs, so sorry abt that)

[runfast-runfar]

Wednesday things

1/16/20

✨ today’s been a day. My brother and I were supposed to go up to S.F. to visit the Friends set (I already went with my friend but wanted to take the bro!) but I ended up having to take thea to the vet. She’s been off for a bit and then threw up a few times and had some abnormal coloring in her litter.

So it ended up being a stressful, expensive day. But we’re all back home tonight together which is most important in this moment now. Taking things day by day.

✨ I had to go up to campus today to pick up a paycheck (thank god) but I don’t have classes on Thursdays which is nice! When tutoring starts I’ll have work alllll the days lol, but I love being on campus so I’m happy with that!

✨ went and walked finley in the afternoon and thank god it stopped raining for our walk! She’s older so I didn’t want her to get wet and sick. It was torrential pouring all day and stopped as I was going to walk her and stayed gone for our whole walk :) 🙏🏼

✨ then I went to Trader Joe’s for groceries! Spent way too much there but I had no food so it was kinda necessary!

✨ came home and listened to an hour of the book I’m reading via audiobook. And then went on a run while the rain held off!

✨ came home and made dinner: tofu scramble topped with sriracha, hummus, toast, multi color carrots, and edamame! Not photogenic food... buuuut it was amazingly delicious so 👌🏼

Now me and thea 🐱 are snuggling up on the bed while I watch Set It Up! Then at 10, gonna watch law and order svu before calling it a day.

✨ I have a long day tomorrow... gonna wake up at 7am to go running, for a follow up doc appointment at 9am, then an academic counseling appointment at 10am (that’s gonna be tight af...ugh).. then class from 1:10-3:15. Then I have to walk Finley in between that and going to work at 5 until 9:30pm!!

Oy vey!

[f1nel1nes-blog]

rigid - story two

I don’t know whose idea road trips were, but to whoever first thought of them...screw you.  Today is only day two of our annual family road trip, and this year, rather than go laterally, making the usual drive from San Diego to Miami, we’re going vertically, alllll the way up to Vancouver, Canada.  It’s a “short” drive, under twenty four hours in total, and I’m already starting to go crazy.

Dad’s in the passenger seat, snoring his life away, Mom’s driving the exact speed limit, never a mile per hour over the posted allowance.  

Danny’s in the seat to my left, enthralled by some video game that’s popular amongst his third grade class. Whatever it is, it seems violent.  He hardly ever looks out the window; meanwhile, that’s all I’ve managed to do.  

Reading in the car makes me sick, I have no data left on my phone, and I’ve never had the attention span for audiobooks or podcasts.  So I’m not left with a lot of options.  The last two days have been spent gazing out the window, listening to Charly Bliss’ new album, “Young Enough”, on repeat.  No one’s speaking--the four of us have already grown tired of one another.  

We just crossed over from California into Oregon, and the landscape hasn’t changed one iota.  Sure, it’s beautiful up here, but I want to go back to SoCal, back to the beach, back to my friends.  This summer is the last time we get to see one another before heading off to college, where we’ll be miles and miles apart.  And I’m stuck here.  In a dirty Subaru.  Driving into Oregon.  

What’s the point of separating the land into states, anyway?  The distinction between California and Oregon, at least, seems so arbitrary.  There was no border control, nothing to indicate that we’re even in a different region.  There’s just a fine, invisible line that we’ve apparently crossed, a line that separates one group of hippies from an indistinguishable group of hippies.  

Maybe it’ll be different once we reach Canada.  We’ll actually have to provide documentation to prove we are who we say we are. Border patrol agents will check to make sure we’re not toting anything illegal into the country.  Like guns.  Or worse, agriculture.  

 But before we reach the land of maple syrup, we’re making countless stops--Ashland (where there’s some big Shakespeare festival going on). Crater Lake (which, admittedly, seems pretty cool), Portland (a town of annoying hipsters), Seattle (a city of annoying hipsters)--the list is endless, and as much as I love them, I’m just not prepared to be spending so much time with my family.  In the words of Charly Bliss, “I’m at capacity, I’m spilling out of me”.  

[reader44ever]

Well, the Dewey's 24-Hour #Readathon #deweyoct 'thon is officially over now - ended over five hours ago - and I can't help but be very disappointed with my performance in it. 😕 #WrapUp #FinalStats #ClosingSurvey #ReadathonBINGO ❤ . . . . I read just 293 pages in two books: The second half of Nevernight by Jay Kristoff (213/429pp) and the first three chapters of Dreadful Company by Vivian Shaw (80/399pp). I didn't manage to listen to any of my audiobook of It by Stephen King, nor did I start the anthology - Toil and Trouble, edited by Jessica Spotswood and Tess Sharpe - or read either of my Fables graphic novels. And I had had such plans! 😕🙄❤ . . You also might have noticed that I abandoned the #ReadathonHourlyPhoto challenge after Hour 14 (I think). I MEANT to continue posting - even had plans for photos! - but Hour 15 was when things started falling apart for me. I just wanted to read Dreadful Company by Vivian Shaw at that point. 🙄❤ . . Anyway, how's about I do the Closing Survey now? 😊❤ . . 1. Which hour was most daunting for you? I THINK MAYBE HOUR 17,18,19,20,21 WERE HARDEST. I HAD TROUBLE STAYING AWAKE, DESPITE MY LOVE FOR WHAT I WAS READING. 2. Tell us ALLLLL the books you read! SECOND HALF OF NEVERNIGHT BY JAY KRISTOFF AND FIRST THREE CHAPTERS OF DREADFUL COMPANY BY VIVIAN SHAW. 3. Which books would you recommend to other Read-a-thoners? THE FABLES GRAPHIC NOVEL SERIES BY BILL WILLINGHAM. 4. What’s a really rad thing we could do during the next Read-a-thon that would make you happy? MAYBE REMIND ME TO IGNORE MY PHONE AND READ? 5. How likely are you to participate in the Read-a-thon again? Would you be interested in volunteering to help organize and prep? YES, I WILL DEFINITELY PARTICIPATE AGAIN, BUT I CANNOT HELP WITH THE ORGANIZATION OR PREP. . I STILL am fighting to find a good balance between reading and social time. And also, getting older is not helping things because I would REALLY like to stay awake for the whole of a Readathon. Or maybe I should set April's alarm for a week out with daily reminders and then I'll finally be able to start a #Readathon with more than three or four hours of sleep? 🙄❤ . . Cont'd in comments. https://www.instagram.com/p/BpNDKGCnZlg/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=117hga0wdrxur

[sweetsuccesssociety]

Why We Can’t Just Press Our Reset Button

Ahh, it feels so wonderful to be back on the blog!! This past week Erin and Daynna opened up about their successful mindset breakthroughs and journeys, and it’s truly been so inspiring and uplifting that I’ve hardly thought of anything else since. (Watch their videos and see what all the buzz is about over on our Facebook page when you get the chance!)

With that said, I have to admit that sometimes I don’t even know where or how to begin my own storytelling process because I’m having difficulty forming my thoughts into written sentences—or even stringing them into one cohesive thought to rally around a focus. A piece of writing with a message. That’s when I recognize just how important it is to write it all out in order to come to an inner understanding. It’s always been my ground point of personal reflection; my kick starter to a regroup sesh with myself.

So please excuse me if today’s post is a little off the beaten path of what I typically discuss on Sweet Success Society. I honestly haven’t opened up like this with you before, but I feel like it should be shared because as I sat with my fingers hovering over the keyboard for days, it finally dawned on me that this feeling is part of life and definitely not uncommon. On the contrary, I bet it’s more common than any of us would like to admit… but we don’t want to talk about it, or—even worse—admit it to our audience.

Actually, let me rephrase that. We don’t like to admit it to our audience until we have a fully executed solution. Which I don’t have today—today, it seems all I have are comforting words that you aren’t alone. I’m not alone. Not much of a “how-to” post… more of an open dialogue with you lovelies. But hey, it’s what’s been on my mind.

Have you ever said to yourself, “Damn, it’s time to push the reset button”? Where you feel it’s past due to get back on track with healthy eating, exercise, work productivity, connecting with loved ones—you know, for anything (and everything) in life. You know you’re capable of it, but realize you need to give yourself that mental push into actual commitment and, subsequently, take fucking action (to put it bluntly).

Well, that’s exactly how I was feeling. I was so pumped up to “press the reset button” and take dramatic action toward bettering my lifestyle and shaping it to be what I want and expect of it. So I started my favorite 30-Day Cleanse, rededicated to my own 4-Week Habits for Success Challenge, and had so much momentum to reorganize and align my life with my expectations for it.

Several weeks later, I looked back on this “reset” and my first thought was that I failed myself. I wasn’t consistently spending all the countless hours I intended in my new home office (that may be a floating desk under the stairs). I had a few cleanse cheat days from our travels in Sonoma and San Francisco, then a few more when my parents came to visit, and then a few more because, well, why not at this rate? I wasn’t exercising like I intended and even got out of the rhythm of yoga every evening before bed.

I beat myself up over not feeling like a rock star day in and day out. Which only made it worse because I’d see my confidence shrink as I retreated into the shadows. The days slipped into several weeks of hiding from my abandoned intentions and I questioned my ability to be more than just… mediocre and going through the motions. Seriously guys, I felt ashamed that I wasn’t living by my own standards.

And yes, apparently I am that dramatic.

So maybe every day didn’t wrap up with me feeling like my own version of a rock star. It’s not like I was doing nothing—one of my prominent achievements was becoming more social again, which was an element drastically missing from my life until recently. Three months ago, I genuinely sobbed to my (rather confused) boyfriend about how lonely I felt without a solid group of girl friends. He lovingly told me to, essentially, do something about it—and, well, I did.

But despite that, I kept focusing on what was lacking and the promises I made myself that were so sincere before gradually hollowing out. The phrase, “Life’s a rollercoaster” is absurdly true—and that absolutely goes for our mindsets in addition to life’s circumstances. We have our brilliant, on-point times (our rock star phases), and then other times in which we’re a little more all over the place, or we place our accidentally focus on other aspects of life that aren’t aligned with our individual expectations of daily productivity and success.

Which brings me back to this magical reset button. When we’re not rock stars every day all day, we tell ourselves we need to make a change and immediately jump to the explanation that it’s time for a reset. I’ve used the term pretty loosely for so long, and as I began to tell myself (again) that I need to just press it harder this time around, a big red flag went up.

Come on, Lexi, you know better than that.

As I reflected on what I have and have not accomplished recently, I came to the realization that it’s not necessarily about “setting a reset button.” Improving ourselves does not happen overnight, as I knew before, so the hell was I using the word as if it was?

Instead of the concept of a “reset,” perhaps it’s more of a “regroup.” Instead of stewing in our thoughts until we can’t take it anymore and mentally slam the button for a quick fix solution… it’s that recognition of expanding our minds and breaking the circular pattern our thoughts are wrapped in.

Like what I consider my most destructive pattern. I’d open my computer and—literally—stare at it. The seconds became minutes, and without really knowing what to tackle first, I’d get lost in the familiar “feed scroll.” And that’s pretty much how it went for a few weeks.

Like for Sweet Success Society, the transformation we’ve experienced as a team, as a business, and as a brand has really been inspiring. And to be honest, I’ve been a bit on the sidelines the past few weeks. When I’d open my computer and try to map out alllll the things that need to get done (because, hello, this is a fully functioning business and of course there’s always a million things to do, I’m preachin’ to the choir!), I was getting lost in all the wrong things.

I needed to change my patterns, beginning with my mindset and how I approached the very things that I define as daily successful living. That’s not a reset of the mind, it’s a regroup.

As a whole, regrouping is figuring out how to go back to the basics. We get so stuck in the weeds of the overwhelming amount of tasks (big and small) that require our attention, simultaneously with the frantic feeling of “OH MY GOD THIS NEEDS TO GET DONE RIGHT NOW.”

This past weekend, instead of diving into all the little details that I shoulda woulda coulda been working on over the past few weeks (in other words: catching up), I decided to focus on my mindset. That’s where the real struggle comes in, and pretending it is actually about the tasks at hand is, to put it simply, a sneaky form of procrastination. I needed to nurture my mind. Take some time to regroup my thoughts, my actions, and my behaviors to transform them into a cohesive mindset that produces results. I had to kick my butt into productivity mode, and the first step was getting my mind organized, excited, and proactive before jumping head first into the sea of endless tasks.

So I’m breaking the pattern of the past few weeks with a few simple mix-ups. For instance, I listen to audiobooks on repeat out of comfort and decided that instead of re-listening Game of Thrones around the clock, to sneak in some TedTalks. So what’d I do? Download the app (umm, which is amazing and I highly recommend!) and add 86 TedTalks to my queue, and it didn’t require a grocery trip.

I’ve also felt so uninspired to stick with my usual healthy eating habits. As an effort to regroup with the healthy living, I took stock of our fridge and pantry and made a list of what was available to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner from what we have. I haven’t wondered what to eat for the next meal since.

Recognizing and acknowledging our setbacks is one thing, but actively making a difference to progress is quite another. Take a deep breath and remember everything is not going to change overnight, but it starts with that small act of setting yourself up for success. Get back on track by organizing your resources to give yourself that breathing room and ability to journey on up to the top of that rollercoaster again. Regrouping begins with the mindset gaining its confidence.

Hell, I’d even consider this blog post to be its own form of regrouping. I needed to go back the basics by simply getting back to writing and out of my head. That’s what helps me best and I know that about myself.

Thank you for reading, loves! ❤️

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