#I liked coral island and thought it would be the best game I played but after playing fields of mistria I can see some of it's faults

[scarlettfevor]

Anyway I've been playing a lot of games today, mostly farming sims obviously inspired by stardew valley and building sims, and I just wanted to let you know that if you were wondering whether or not fields of mistria is a good game I'm hear to tell you that it is! It's super charming and adds small details here and there that gives the characters more personality and I just love it

[rachelkaser]

2022 Games in Review: My favorite customizable avatars (of me)

Several games of 2022 had character creators. I made myself in each one. How different do they all look?

With many games I’ve played in the past, I would make an effort to create a unique character, someone with a name, story, and appearance all their own. However, in 2022, I made most of them into variations of myself, in appearance and name. I tried not to cheat, but to get as close to my real appearance as possible -- I even included glasses were I could, as I wear those quite often.

I could tell you that it was part of some experiment or longterm project . . . honestly, I just got lazy. Every time I entered character creation, I just made a version of myself (with one exception) because it was easier. That means that, by the time I was done playing my games of 2022, I had several versions of me off on adventures. Now I want to compare and contrast how they look.

“Why?” I hear you ask. Because it’s interesting to see the differences in style across the different genres of games? Because it’s instructive to stretch the limits of what these games are capable of to best represent our true selves? Why not?

These are in no particular order, except the one at the very bottom, which is basically an honorable mention.

Disney Dreamlight Valley: My time as a Disney kid/adult

Disney Dreamlight Valley was surprisingly good as these games go. I thought it was just going to be a cheap cash-grab title banking on Disney’s good-but-increasingly-overused name. But no, it’s actually a somewhat charming life sim where you, the player character are the Only One Who Can Save the World. I can totally see its appeal for kids and the kid-adjacent adults who need a serotonin fix (ahem).

For that reason, I was surprised that the player avatar is not more cartoonish, for lack of a better way of putting it. I thought it would be an animesque, bug-eyed kid character (though my eyes are on the big side). But no, they’re at best a young adult who’s very into Disney fashion. Honestly, this version of me looks like the one who beat feet all over Disney World with my family between the ages of 15-25. According to my husband, it looks a lot like me -- I just think it’s a younger, thinner version of me.

Pokémon Legends Arceus: My first monster hunt

See the above? This is what I was expecting with Dreamlight Valley. But perhaps it is better suited to Pokémon. What I enjoyed about Arceus in particular is that -- unlike certain other Pokémon titles (see below) -- the character is not a fresh-faced youth who just wants to catch ‘em all. No, in Arceus, they’re a hardened hunter in a world where everyone seems to think Pokémon are dangerous.

But even so, the version of me in Arceus still looks so adorable. They’re like a tiny terrier: Adorable, but a deadly serious hunter. Admittedly, I can’t pull off the scarf-kerchief combo in real life as elegantly as my in-game avatar did. But considering I have no real influence over the character’s features, this one still looks like a decent representation of my inner child.

Coral Island: Living my crunchiest life

Full disclosure: I messed the eyes up in this one, because mine are not almond-shaped. So we’re just going to ignore that and look at the rest of me here (because I’m actually not sure if it’s possible to adjust your facial features post-creation in-game at this point in early access). Admittedly, out of all of them this one probably best captures my general dorkiness, especially with the glasses.

What amuses me about this is that this avatar looks how I would probably look if I did hard labor on a farm. She’s definitely the most willowy version of me that’s still supposed to be an adult . . . and yet her head is still as wide as her hips. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got an enormous noggin in the real life, but I’ve got the hips to balance it out and then some.

Harvestella: Not sure why I even bothered

From one cozy life sim we move on to another -- or at least I thought Harvestella was a cozy life sim. Turns out it’s a Bravely Default game wearing a cozy-life-sim hat. If I’d known that when I started, I wouldn’t have bothered to even try and make myself in the game, because the customization is undercooked. It’s not the worst character creator this year, but it’s a good example of how shallow they can be. Why even have one at all?

Still, I managed to get her to look superficially like me. She’s still not as thin as the Coral Island avatar, if only because she’s got some thighs on her (as do I IRL). Actually, this version of me is kind of the inverse of Coral Island, in that she’s got a tiny head and shoulders on an absolutely stacked pair of legs and hips. Neither one bears a strong similarity to reality, but it’s still fun to see a version of me that aligns with the art style of both worlds.

Marvel’s Midnight Suns: My most optimistic cheekbones

To be fair to Midnight Suns, Hunter already comes with a defined name (sorta), backstory, and personality. So making them look like me was actually going against my natural inclination as a player. But by the time the game launched in December, I was committed to the bit, so I went for it. It was kind of fun to see my in-game self dillydally with the Marvel heroes, if a bit disconcerting.

Funnily enough, this version comes the closest to getting my lips and nose right -- in that they look like actual parts of a human face. But goddamn me to hell and back, I do not have cheekbones that nice. I might attribute those good looks to Hunter’s demoness mother, but I’m pretty sure she’s supposed to be human and I’ve never cut glass with my cheeks.

Need for Speed Unbound: My failed attempt to look cool

Need for Speed Unbound was another game that had, at best, a token character creator. Since your in-game avatar basically spends the majority of their time in a car, their appearance really doesn’t matter because it’ll never be as fancy or familiar as that of your favorite ride. But I tried anyway, because I felt like I could at least look like the streetwise badass I shall never be in real life.

Not to repeat myself, but at least the features on this face look somewhat like mine. Those are definitely my eyebrows. I won’t deceive you, though: I don’t look anywhere near this cool. I don’t have piercings in my ears, let alone other appendages. And I look forward to the day I can dye my hair that shade of purple, so I guess this is me living my ombre dreams through the game.

Saints Row (2022): I’ve got everything but the tats

I might not have believed it, but the one game I played this year with a halfway-detailed character creator was Saints Fucking Row. And yes, before you ask, the game’s quality really is this bad. Also, for some reason the game wouldn’t let me soften the shade of blush I used, so I look literally clownish and not metaphorically here. I’d also never where Santo Ileso fashion personally.

But I’ll say this for Saints Row, it’s the only game this year were I could accurately represent my own thickness. I’m a chunky lady, no denying it, and this is closest I came all year to looking like myself, round of face, thigh, and chest. I don’t have those clean, Southwestern-style tats, but that’s more aspirational than reflective of reality.

Pokemon Scarlet/Violet: My back-to-school look

My hair isn’t actually purple, but I felt that, in the spirit of playing the Violet edition of the game, I should go full color here. Who knows -- maybe my hair will look like that someday! As for the rest of me, well . . . if the Arceus version of me is a seasoned (but adorable badass), this one looks like the most boring student in the entire school. She’s just here to catch ‘em all.

Still, this game’s photo mode is probably out of any I played this year. Posing with various pocket monsters was adorable, and completely in-character for a young student discovering the world. This version of me is not bad at all -- it just suffers by being not as interesting as the rest of my avatars this year.

Horse Tales Emerald Valley Ranch: What even am I?

I don’t know what to say about this one. I’m already on record as labeling this game my least-favorite of 2022. This wasn’t because of the obviously piss-poor graphical quality. Not at all -- there’s nothing wrong with a bit of a graphical lowgrade, especially in a horse game where the intent is depict the rider as an extension of the horse.

No, I hated it because this is not a depiction of a horseperson. These are acceptable street clothes, but I’m not wearing headphones and loafers to ride over mountainous country and beaches. Also, leaving all that aside, why can I not change the colors of my eyebrows and lashes, which are stuck on “auburn?” I do think it’s ironic that they ask you to select a masculine or feminine character while the default hoodie is in the colors of the non-binary pride flag. 

Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands: My average D&D character

Now presenting my Tiny Tina character, a.k.a. the one time I resisted the urge to just make myself in a game. She still looks close-ish: She has my hair and eye color, but she doesn’t share my name or pretty much anything else about me. But honestly? This was as close as I was reasonably going to get within the context of the game. Because I play Dungeons and Dragons (or Bunkers and Badasses, I suppose) IRL, and I balk at the notion of making someone who looks like me.

Most D&D characters I’ve made have are a far cry from myself and my lived experience. Even when I incorporate elements of myself or my appearance, it’s usually by accident or with a particular goal in mind. I can’t make a version of me 1-to-1 and engage with the game’s premise in good faith. So here you have it: My unbelievably ugly Wonderlands character.

And that’s it! All the versions of me I made this year! No, I’m not going to give an actual pic of myself for comparison -- this isn’t really about realism, but more about how best I feel I’m represented in the worlds of these games. But if anyone has any other in-game avatars they think look better, or if you just want to show me your creations, feel free to tag me below or on Twitter!

[lovemesomesurveys]

[joybucket @ bzoink]

How often do you wear necklaces? 📿   I’ve been wearing one since Christmas that my mom got me, but prior to that it had been several years since I’ve worn one. 

Would you rather wear a bracelet or a necklace? 📿   I like bracelets more. 

Do you own a coral sweater?   No, but I do like that color a lot so I wouldn’t mind owning one. 

Which name do you like best: Emily, Ellery, or Eliana?   Eliana. I’ve never heard that name before, but it sounds pretty. 

What season were you born in?   Summer. Bleh. 

What season is your favorite? I am a fall and winter gal all the way. 

When was the last time you had a donut? 🍩   I think it was some time early last year. Mmm, I want one now. 

Which spelling do you like better: Jillian or Gillian?   Gillian. It reminds of that author of Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn I think?

Have you ever wondered how the country of Ireland got its name? 🇮🇪   Hm, nope can’t say that I have.

Which name do you like best for a girl: Harmony, Harper, Harlow, Harvest, or Harley?   Harvest. I really love the name Autumn and Harvest is in the same realm. I really like both, actually. 

What is your favorite shade of green? 💚 Sea foam green and mint green. 

What is your least favorite shade of green? 🫒   Puke green. 

Which name do you like best for a girl: Bianca, Brogan, or Briar?   Bianca. 

....how about out of these: Carly, Carmen, or Carlotta?   Carly.

Which name do you like better: Jasmine or Yasmin?   Jasmine. 

Did you used to wish that you could own some of the same outfits as your dolls?   Yeah. I thought my Barbies had the coolest clothes. 

Do you think you look better with your hair up or down?   I like my hair better when it’s down, especially when I had my really long hair. It was often easier to just throw it up in a pony tail or bun, though, than actually straighten and style it. The past several years I just didn’t have the motivation or the energy to do so. Now my hair is super short, so I can’t do anything with it right now.  

What is your favorite shade of blue? 💙   I like various shades of blue. 

What is your least favorite shade of blue?   Hm. I can’t really think of one I don’t like.

Would you rather ride a motorcycle 🏍️ or a regular bicycle 🚴?   Neither. 

What is the name of one island you have vacationed on? 🏝️   I’ve never vacationed on an island. 

Which one-syllable girl's name do you like best: Claire, Cove, Dawn, Rose, or Jade?   Jade.

When was the last time you wore leggings?   It’s been several months. I used to live in leggings, but from the time I was in the hospital to now I’ve just been wearing gowns/t-shirt dresses or oversized shirts because it’s easier and more comfortable for now. 

What is your most severe allergy? 🤧 I have seasonal allergies and I’m allergic to tangerines. 

Do you own a purple sweater?   No. 

How often do you create surveys?   I don’t. 

What is one game you have cheated on? I’m not a cheater. I like to play the game how it’s meant to be played and while I like a little fun competition, I do it fairly. 

Do you believe it's ever ok to cheat on a test? 📝   No.

Have you ever cheated on a test? 📝   No. 

What's your favorite song by Miley Cyrus? I’ve liked several of her songs. I had my Hannah Montana era, too lol. Currently, I’ve been into her song, Flowers. Thanks to TikTok it’s always stuck in my head. 

What was the last song you listened to on repeat?   I’m not one to listen to songs on repeat much, to be honest. Like, I’ll listen to songs often, but not literally back to back to back. 

What was the best part of your day today (or yesterday)?   >> I saw Infinity Pool! it was truly Something. <<< Ahhh, I really wanted to see that, but I have to wait until it’s on streaming cause I’m still on bed rest. :( I gotta support my man, haha. Anyway, my mom just came home from work and she bought me two packs of Reese’s, so that was the best part for sure. 

How often do you wear earrings?   It’s been a few years since I’ve last worn earrings. 

Have you ever worn a stuffed animal at an age guessing booth? 🧸   I’ve never attempted to. 

What is something you own that you've had since you were in high school? I still have my class t-shirts. And my yearbooks. 

What year did you join Facebook?   2008. 

What was the first color you ever dyed your hair?   Blonde highlights in middle school. 

Name three countries you have no desire to visit.   Hmm. 

What is one thing most people seem to like the smell of, but you don't?   Most room sprays are too strong and give me a headache and nausea.

Have you ever been scammed?   Sigh, yes. Back in the mid and late 2000′s I fell for a couple stupid scams about my computer having a virus and needing to download something to get rid of it. So, so stupid. 

Are you smart? 🧠   Meh. I feel like I’m just average. 

What color is your dresser?   It’s a wooden dresser. 

If applicable, what color was the dress you wore to your very first Homecoming Dance? 💃 I didn’t go to homecoming, just prom and winter formal. 

When was the last time you purchased something from a bakery? 🧁 Uhhh. I have no idea. 

....and what was it that you purchased? --

What is your computer's desktop background?   Alexander Skarsgard, of course. 

When was the last time you used washi tape, and what did you use it for?   I’m pretty sure I never have. I don’t know what to really do with It. 

List three big cities you have visited and would love to visit again.   San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Orange County. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with your life?   ...

What brings you joy? Reese’s bring me some joy. 

What's your most cherished memory?   Childhood for sure. 

Do you believe in God? Why or why not?   I do.

Were you named after anyone, and if so, who?   Nope. 

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? 📝   Uhhh. I don’t recall. 

Which spelling do you use for the color: gray or grey?   Gray. 

Who has hurt you the most?   Myself, honestly. 

Who or what is your happy place?   The beach and Disneyland. 

If you could erase horrible memories, what memory would you erase?   I don’t know. I don’t think I’d want to.  

When was the last time you cried?   Yesterday. 

If you could go anywhere in the world right now (all expenses paid), where would you go?   Ooh. I’d have to really think about it. I’d love to go vacation somewhere, I could definitely use one, but I really can’t do much right now so it wouldn’t be as enjoyable. I’d want to wait until I’m able to do more and could really make the most of it. 

How do you feel at the moment?   I feel tired and a little hungry. 

Do you believe that you're a strong person?   No. I think I’m a really weak person, both physically and emotionally. 

What's your biggest dream? To be able to have some sort of normalcy like I used to in regards to health related things and being able to go places and do things. I hope to be able to do something with my life...

Paintings or digital pictures?   Both?

Are you scared to love?   I’m afraid to fall in love cause the two times I have didn’t go well for me. 

What's your biggest fear? Death, losing loved ones, health getting worse or never getting better, wasting away the rest of my life...

Are you afraid of heights?   Yes. 

Are you in love?   No. Man, it’s been so long since I’ve had feelings for someone. I don’t even remember what that feels like. 

Do you prefer a bright or dark room?   I prefer light, typically. It doesn’t need to be really bright, though. 

Have you ever danced in the rain? ☔️ 💃   No.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?   I do. More so with my mom, who I consider to be my best friend as well. 

Have you ever cried because you were so happy?   I cry a lot, but it’s not happy tears. 

Books or movies? I enjoy both.

[asoulofatlantis]

Games I currently "own" digitally Part 3

So this is GoG... mostly "old" games that either I or my Dad have been playing when I was a child. My Dad actually had that one "Leisure sweet Larry Game that I actually finished" and I wanted it again so badly that I bought the bundle set even tho I do not like to play any of his other games ^^' (As you can see on Steam I did buy his newer game but it is just... not my game. Playing it - as most of the games here - is really just for nostalgia...)

Do not ask about "Hunnie Pop" I do not know what I was thinking ^^'

My Dad played "Biing" when I was a child and sometimes I played it too because I didn't understand why the woman were having big brests and always naked at all anyway... and I rebought it because I sucked at the game so much back then and I was sure THIS TIME I will get it - spoiler: I did not! XD

BTW in my eyes, Sim City 3000 was the best Sim City.

Anyway: This is my EA-Account:

It looks like I only own Sims 4 the original game but I own A LOT of Addons and Kits and Game-Play-Packs or however all this stuff is called these days. 59 to be exact XD I also owned ALL of them back in the day for Sims 1, 2 and 3.

What you also need to know: This is not the real "Need for Speed most wanted" the original was unmatched and so I never actually played whatever this game is, even tho I bought it ^^'

I also like to mention that I managed to finish "Dead in Bermuda" in one go without anyone dying by pure utter accident XD

Now you get a look at my Steam Wishlist:

I WILL get "Metaphor" soon one way or another because a lot of people like that game and its getting harder to avoid Spoiler at this point and I kind of want to play it blind. I am waiting for the next big sale at the end of November tho and hope it might maybe a little bit on sale by then ^^'

I also would like to get all 3 Kingdom Hearts Games in that Sale but my Budget is small and Square Enix does not like to give huge sales to their big titles no matter how old they are ^^'

"Coral Island" is supposed to get a "Wohoo" - Update so I probably should get it eventually at some point ^^' But I am not in a rush. There can only be so much Farming Games on my list of games still to play or to finish.

I REALLY should play "NEO TWEWY" at some point but I want to play the original here first and its so hard to do. Because the Final Remix Version is only out on Switch and I do have it there and I should play it there because the controls on the Emulator (that is not there anymore anyway...) just suck but how to make and post screenshots now that it can not even access Twitter anymore? It would be such a shore to get the screenshots to my computer or at least phone... but I feel like do to its mechanics hoping for the game ever to come out on PC is pointless.

I was looking forward to "Reynatis" but I've heard it turned out to be really bad... so I guess it can wait.

Fun Fact: I loved "Black and White" and I was hoping they would bring it out on EA-Store or Steam or even GoG but they never did so I was looking forward to Fata Deum but they are very silent there and just postponed the release to next year so I am not sure if it will ever really come out...

Not high on my list. I am not in a rush to play the Ys Games but I think I will one day.

"Romance SaGa 2"? I never played 1 to begin with, but I thought that SOME DAY I might try this one out at least. But once again, I am not in a rush here.

So... that was the list of the games I am currently owning and/or wishing for. If Steam still exists by then, we do that again in 10 years. ALSO let's see how many more Sims4-Addons I have added by then XD

And then we will also check out how many of the games I still needed to play or finish I REALLY did end up playing and finishing ^^'

[purplesurveys]

1680

How often do you wear necklaces? 📿   I haven’t in years. I’ll wear a bracelet sometimes, but it’s always those Gen Z ones that have smiley and star beads on it hahaha.

Would you rather wear a bracelet or a necklace? 📿   I honestly like necklaces more cos they stand out more, I just don’t have any and am not obsessed with them enough to want to buy them.

Do you own a coral sweater?   No. I don’t think coral would suit me, so eh.

Which name do you like best: Emily, Ellery, or Eliana?   Emily’s a pretty name. The other two are too, but they just sound a tad foreign for my taste.

What season were you born in?   I think that would be spring in the Western context? We don’t have that though, and in the Philippine sense I was born right smack in the dry season.

What season is your favorite? Wet. I love rain.

When was the last time you had a donut? 🍩   I think it may have been last month? I had like a limited-edition Krispy Kreme doughnut but I remember being underwhelmed by it.

Which spelling do you like better: Jillian or Gillian?   I like Gillian just a teeny bit more.

Have you ever wondered how the country of Ireland got its name? 🇮🇪   Nope.

Which name do you like best for a girl: Harmony, Harper, Harlow, Harvest, or Harley?   I love the name Harper for a girl.

What is your favorite shade of green? 💚 Olive.

What is your least favorite shade of green? 🫒   Neon.

Which name do you like best for a girl: Bianca, Brogan, or Briar? I like Bianca, but Briar sounds just as pretty.

....how about out of these: Carly, Carmen, or Carlotta?   Carlotta.

Which name do you like better: Jasmine or Yasmin?   Jasmine.

Did you used to wish that you could own some of the same outfits as your dolls?   It probably came to mind as a kid but only as a passing thought. I was never the kid who liked fashion and would play dress-up with my mom’s clothes or whatever.

Do you think you look better with your hair up or down?   I’ve been told by people over the years that ponytails suit me, so I’ve long sensed a preference hahaha. Idk though, I hate how my baby hairs always stand up so I rarely put my hair up in a ponytail in public and *personally* prefer to have my hair down or at most in a side pony.

What is your favorite shade of blue? 💙   Indigo and midnight blue.

What is your least favorite shade of blue?   Royal blue.

Would you rather ride a motorcycle 🏍️ or a regular bicycle 🚴?   A bicycle. Now how to actually know how to ride one...lol

What is the name of one island you have vacationed on? 🏝️   Jeju!

Which one-syllable girl's name do you like best: Claire, Cove, Dawn, Rose, or Jade?   Claire. When was the last time you wore leggings?   Last month. Really dislike how they feel on the skin, so I try my hardest to avoid leggings as much as I can.

What is your most severe allergy? 🤧 I get awful rashes from time to time from certain cloths/fabrics.

Do you own a purple sweater?   Not a sweater, but I recently got myself a purple knitted cardigan :) I’m obsessedddddd with how it looks.

How often do you create surveys?   I’ve never made a survey. 

What is one game you have cheated on? I’ve plugged in cheat codes across the GTA games, but I never used them to progress in the gameplay because...well, I never played GTA to do the missions, but just to enjoy the open world-ness of it haha.

Do you believe it's ever ok to cheat on a test? 📝   No, mostly because I’m in the belief that it would only snowball from there, so it’s best not to start. And because it doesn’t even feel good doing so??? I cheated once on a statistics exam because I was certain I already had a 99 in the bag save for this one question I was stumped on, and only copied my classmate’s answer when I got to steal a glimpse from her paper. I ended up getting a 100, but it didn’t feel rewarding at all and I never cheated after that. So idk, apart from test cheating being a gateway drug for bigger, more serious mischief, I guess it’s also in the person and how you can stomach getting away with cheating.

Have you ever cheated on a test? 📝   Yes, that ^ one time I mentioned.

What's your favorite song by Miley Cyrus? Slide Away is a beautiful song.

What was the last song you listened to on repeat?   Butter by BTS.

What was the best part of your day today (or yesterday)?   We visited my dad’s side today :) and I got to eat lotssssss of crab and shrimp, and home-cooked street food too.

How often do you wear earrings?   I haven’t worn clip-ons since my college days. I’m not in much of a hurry to restock on them either.

Have you ever worn a stuffed animal at an age guessing booth? 🧸   A what booth? Y’all have those? Hahahaha.

What is something you own that you've had since you were in high school? My Audrey Hepburn wall prints.

What year did you join Facebook?   It was around 2012, I think. First year high school; only made one because one of my school projects at the time had a Facebook sharing component.

What was the first color you ever dyed your hair?   Ash brown.

Name three countries you have no desire to visit.   How to answer this question without sounding like a hater lmao...if anything, I have no itch to go back to Japan. My family actually nearly planned a future trip there, and I volunteered not to go; I feel like I already saw what I had to see in the country when I first visited. Plus everyone I know who has vacationed there always takes the same photos at the same fuckin spots I feel like I’ve been to Japan a billion times at this point anyway.

What is one thing most people seem to like the smell of, but you don't?   Sinigang.

Have you ever been scammed?   I’ve had close calls but thankfully my alert-y senses have always kicked in before it got too late.

Are you smart? 🧠   I feel like we all have a specialty or two we’re intelligent on, but I wouldn’t call myself smart in an all-around sense. I have lots of things to still learn.

What color is your dresser?   A very muted brown, almost grey.

If applicable, what color was the dress you wore to your very first Homecoming Dance? 💃 We didn’t have a homecoming dance, whatever that means.

When was the last time you purchased something from a bakery? 🧁 Erm...does a Cinnabon count? HAHA we were just there earlier to pick up some goodies for relatives since we were visiting.

....and what was it that you purchased? My mom got like three boxes of cinnamon rolls.

What is your computer's desktop background?   BTS.

When was the last time you used washi tape, and what did you use it for?   Couple of years ago when I wanted to stick BTS photos on my corkboard.

List three big cities you have visited and would love to visit again.   Shanghai, Bali, Sagada even though it’s not a big city. On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with your life?   Idk...maybe a 6.5. Work sucks at the moment, and the only thing I’m looking forward to these days are my trips to Thailand and Malaysia. What brings you joy? Anything related to BTS.

What's your most cherished memory?   Moments that I had with Kimi.

Do you believe in God? Why or why not?   No. I don’t get why people need the influence (or threat???? idk) higher power to be, like...nice, but whatever floats your boat, man.

Were you named after anyone, and if so, who?   Kind of. My dad liked the name Robyn because of the singer Robyn so he picked it out for me, but he wasn’t necessarily a fan and my name isn’t necessarily a tribute for her. It was just inspiration at most.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? 📝   Two years ago when I wrote a letter to Angela for her birthday.

Which spelling do you use for the color: gray or grey?   Gray.

Who has hurt you the most?   It’s a tie between my ex and my mom.

Who or what is your happy place?   Wherever, with my friends.

If you could erase horrible memories, what memory would you erase?  I prefer for the past to remain untouched; but if anything, it would 100% be the time Cooper bit me and I had to get six injections and take 12 grand out of my pocket, all in one day.

When was the last time you cried?  This morning when I came across this poem by Laura Gilpin:

Tomorrow when the farm boys find this freak of nature, they will wrap his body in newspaper and carry him to the museum.

But tonight he is alive and in the north field with his mother. It is a perfect summer evening: the moon rising over the orchard, the wind in the grass. And as he stares into the sky, there are twice as many stars as usual.

I’ve actually come across it before and cried all the same when I read it for the first time. Today’s just no different as far as it affecting me.

If you could go anywhere in the world right now (all expenses paid), where would you go?   I would love to go to Seoul and not have to think about visas.

How do you feel at the moment?  I’m a little tired because I lack sleep; stressed because the shoes I have been looking for and wanted to get specifically for my trip have turned out to not be available anywhere; and bummed because it’s Monday again tomorrow. Also a bit hungry so I’m gonna be grabbing something to eat after this.

Do you believe that you're a strong person?   Sure.

What's your biggest dream? Land a job that pays me well enough I can comfortably retire early.

Paintings or digital pictures?   Paintings.

Are you scared to love?   It’s not that I’m scared. It’s just that I’m no longer interested in relationships and dating after the first time failed catastrophically.

What's your biggest fear? Losing people I care for to death. Are you afraid of heights?   Nah. I’m not scared of heights per se, but I do hate rides that have sudden drops and stuff. That’s more a motion sickness problem than a fear of heights, though.

Are you in love?   No.

Do you prefer a bright or dark room?   Dark.

Have you ever danced in the rain? ☔️ 💃   Nah.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?   It’s healthily civil. I try to be closer with my dad by being affectionate because we rarely have him home as it is, but I wouldn’t, like, have heart-to-hearts with either.

Have you ever cried because you were so happy?   Sure.

Books or movies? Books, if anything. 

[goldemas1244]

Additional headcanoons by @astrowarden le Yve mutual!

(Would that make me the Zhask mutual?)

Yvask (Me Hearties!)

They both love the wildlife. Zhask would like reptiles and capybaras or guinea pigs. Yve would like birds, especially hummingbirds (because she thinks they look cool).

Yve would also love sea creatures, including but not limited to sea angels, seahorses, and halfmoon betta fish (and fish in general!). Who knows, she might like sharks as well!

Zhask has thalassophobia, a fear of the ocean and the things within it. He likes the way crabs and jellyfish look though. Still, it would terrify him to space and back if he ever saw one.

They BOTH have nightmares often, and they're pretty awkward at comforting each other. Zhask does a better job at it though they both try their very best.

They teach and learn each other's languages! They're getting better at it each day and surprise each other with funny slip-ups.

Zhask HAS accidentally admitted to Yve that she's a better controller of Domorey than him, which also implies that she has a stronger mental capacity than him. She will never let him live that down. That sort of honour and pride will never be washed away.

Zhask

He does put stickers on the mini fridge he's built! They're the cheap but nonetheless special sort because he gets them from friends.

He's an avid collector of itty-bitty trinkets, especially stickers, badges, random gemstones, and anything shiny he finds on the ground. He's like a sleep-deprived magpie.

He found a way to put little headbands on his spawns. Somehow. He just sticks them to their heads using double-sided tape. They don't seem to mind though.

Oh if he knew how to use a phone or keyboard, typos would be the first problem he'd encounter. Of course since he's a fresh alien he probably wouldn't have studied the alphabet probably. He types according to sound (like 'sorkle' or 'sord'). For now Yve has banned him from using the keyboard at all, instead opting to type for him. In the meantime, until he learns how to spell (bless him) he'll have to use emojis.

Not to mention those claws aren't any help either. They're good for his homeworld's technology but they tend to crack the screen when he's not careful. He'll be taking lessons from other sharp-clawed friends.

Yve

She likes childhood games the children play in the playground such as ice tag or marco polo. Sometimes she joins the Moniyan children along with their games. She's like a spare mother to them and she holds that in very high regard.

Aurora thinks Yve's a tad of an oddity. How did she catch feelings for him??? Still they're the equivalent of childhood besties. They even have a great number of inside jokes that not even Zhask the mind reader could comprehend.

She prefers board games over video games though, and she plays with Zhask or Aurora, whoever is available at the moment.

Your headcanons are cool, Yve! I even thought of some extensions!

Yvask

Reptiles intrigue Zhask because of how elusive they are and how many there are of them. He thinks corn snakes are absolute adorable pieces of spaghetti and he will protect them no matter what. He stares into the wide eyes of geckos and tries to copy its actions. Yve has seen him try to lick his own eyeballs one too many times to care anymore. But his FAVOURITE ones are kraits. They're such deadly paralyzing packages in such small lengths.

His island is actually home to capybaras! Once every few days he brings them snackies and gives them cuddles. He has yet to tell Yve about this secret because he's scared she'll steal them all for herself.

He also wants to buy guinea pigs but he has to settle with hamsters instead because Yve thinks he's not ready for that kind of responsibility yet.

Yve likes hummingbirds because the way they flit around in search of nectar reminds her of how she flits around space looking for Zhask. She has seen many types of sea creature in her dives and she has even made friends with several of them! She loves coral reefs and intends to bring Zhask along someday. She's even gifted one of those bettas to Zhask and he's cherished it ever since.

Zhask DOES NOT like sharks. He's read about them and seen them himself. Due to the fact that he's not like humans with a high iron content in their bodies, it's safe to say what fate befalls humans may befall him in the water but worse. He's especially terrified of tiger sharks.

He's scared of water because Yve tried to drown him once. All the while he was grasping her arms and weakly scratching at her armour, begging her to stop and for somebody to save him. Hey, it's a nice inverse parallel to the point in the initial post when he grabs Yve's arm on the brink of death, begging her to save him. From trying to escape, to trying to never let go.

Don't worry he just passed out at a certain depth. In the meantime, Yve's dragged him down countless metres and he's seen his fair share of creatures as well. Even the angel fish made an appearance, which begs the question, if it was judging or reaping?

He fell through a bunch of jellies on the way down. And the way he got tangled up in them would've sent him into a panic if it wasn't for his semi-unconsciousness.

Chances are, they were the ones who brought him to Kadita (on the angelfish's request!) and now he owes her a life debt.

He still remembers how their tentacles feel like though. And the agonizing stings he could feel from their tentacles which stung his open wounds from his battle prior to drowning.

The fact that he's terrified of crabs is pretty funny since well:

Imagine waking up and you are a crab now. That's one bad hair day for sure. Also he's definitely in his punk phase in that picture. Jeez.

Their nightmares mostly consist of on-the-job memories. Zhask and his fights with Yve, the screams of the innocent, and the loss of his own home. Yve with her need to prove to the rest of the Astrowardens, always being too late to save a planet, and innate fears of Zhask and his plans.

Sometimes they both have the same dreams due to the intensity of Zhask's mind-control powers. That's how Yve knows about the stuff Zhask is hesitant to tell her. Like how he never had friends and how he spent most of his time alone. He actually lied to Yve about that earlier in the day, claiming he had a pretty number of friends. Turns out no, he's been mostly alone for the rest of his life, save for his parents, castle members, and Domorey. And he's scared to tell Yve because he doesn't like oversharing: the main reason he's never had any lasting friendships.

When Zhask wakes up he breathes heavily, eyes staring at the ceiling filled with a phantom of a memory. Usually tears stream down his face. Whimpers, squeaks. It's one of the few moments Yve gets to see him so utterly pitiful and vulnerable.

When Yve wakes up she just gets a sinking feeling in her chest. You don't even know she's had a nightmare. But Zhask usually does because he can feel her shift in mood.

It's easier for Zhask to comfort her because her fears and stresses are rational ones he's been through before. He can ground her. But it's harder to comfort Zhask because she's never known what he's really been through and most times he never opens up. It's a semi-paralysis state she has to deal with.

Zhask usually grounds her with reassurances. Yve grounds him with headpats and back strokes.

Kastiya is an easy language to learn since Zhask uses it almost daily. Yve picks up on it easily. Shaloshta, mother. Kaloshta, father. Haskbitte, a type of flower resembling a geranium, love star. Kitch, equivalent to fuck.

Mithlorian is a tad harder because it's a play on the sounds of the universe. Lessons usually end in frustrations, accidental success, and then celebration.

To control Domorey, one needs to have a strong mentality and an even stronger mental bond with it. So powerful mind control. But Yve doesn't have mind control, how does she use Domorey? It's simple. Anyone with a physical, mental, or spiritual connection with Zhask gets put into a sort of whitelist. Which is why other people such as Helcurt, Argus, and Belerick get to use it too.

She's just better because she's stronger and more in tune with Zhask and her environments. Also because Domorey plays favourites just to spite her owner.

Zhask

He's gotten a lot more friends on this planet and he's gotten a lot of free gifts as well. Jawhead gives him a LOT of stickers. She's basically adopted by him at this point, though not official. They're very close. A good chunk of those stickies end up on the makeshift fridge.

Aurora does not know about the makeshift fridge.

He's very considerate and tries to repay them all as best as he can.

He got those headbands from the Lightborn cheerleading squad. He brought Meric to watch a match one day and he's been obsessed with the headbands ever since.

Speaking of which, that headband Meric has? That's Layla's and he'll kill even Zhask to keep it taped to his noggin. Signed by Layla herself for her (smallest) biggest fan with his name on it.

The rest of the swarm of course cash in on this and now Zhask is one of the largest sponsors and purchasers of Lightborn merch. Especially the headbands.

Kill me if you'd disagree but he's definitely a sucker for Match-3 games and casual puzzle games like 2048 and sudoku.

His spelling is getting better. As of late, with Jawhead's help, he can spell 'cat' and 'spawn' correctly which is a huge bonus on his sticker sheet.

Yve teaches him new words with Scrabble.

He's a pro at card games. He excels at UNO and Exploding Kittens. He's not cheating, just very observant.

He gifted Kadita a little spawn with a built-in paddle and a colour scheme she'd like. She named it Adam.

Yve does not get a spawn because she shares with Zhask. They're pretty much married-but-not-married at this point.

He's the best at pickup lines and flirting.

"The stars are beautiful tonight. Too bad we're going in." "Oh Yve, what care have I for stars when I am mesmerised by my own universe right beside me?"

Between the two of them? Zhask is the cook. Yve only works the microwave and blew it up by accidentally leaving a fork in the mac and cheese. Yve has lost microwave priveleges.

Yve

The kids have fun with any member of MLBB they can have fun with. Yve is one of them. She likes playing with the smaller ones though because they are the funniest. She's such a motherly figure she even got into a Moms Club in the town.

When Zhask first appeared they all ran away from him. Until of course he gave Yve a smoochie and her lunch and went off back into the market. The kiddos all gathered around her and she helped them get comfortable around Zhask.

The next time he came by, he became the talk of the town. Not just because he brought little Meric along (and the kids loved him!) but also because of his status with Yve.

Also he got very stuck in one of the playground's safety nettings trying to tag Yve back. Stuck like a crab in a trap. It was hilarious while it lasted. Even made it to the news. Front page.

While Aurora's confuddled by Yve's love for Zhask, Yve manages to retaliate back saying, "Well you and your handsome man right there decided to get married after his final battle with Zhask."

"I can maybe help you revive him. As long as you spare Zhask."

Also she's a pro in Smash Bros.

Zhask and Yve headcanoons time!

Okay so we all have seen this

ZHASK X YVE MOONTON CANON

So, with inspo from @astrowarden I'm making a headcanons and ideas list to jot some stuff down because I need to infodump. Hey, Yve mutual, (I can call you that, yes? Because you're the astrowarden?) you can reblog and add more below (or argue against mine). We can infodump a lot here. Let us build this Zhask X Yve ship together!!

Man I just need to infodump-

-- Headcanons under the :readmore: --

Equilibrium (Placeholder ship name)

Zhask and Yve got together after many forced team-ups against the ever-present problems threatening to destroy the Land of Dawn. Because if the planet gets destroyed then Zhask, now comfy with the place, will find more planets and that'd suck for Yve.

Just imagine Zhask shielding Yve from an attack... and the other way around... ehehehehe

There were lots of witty banter between them and many more insults but they gradually softened and became cool beans with each other.

"You want some pizza?" "No thanks, it's got meat on it."

*Yve eats the pepperonis for him.*

*He finally eats the pizza and asks for more.*

Zhask got really injured during a fight once AND IT WAS YVE WHO CALLED FOR HELP AND HELPED SAVE HIM

He was grabbing on to her arm for dear life at this point (which is when she realised 'Oh God he needs me').

They can both breathe, talk to each other, and hear each other in space. Which is weird because space is a vacuum.

Zhask is the idiot. Yve is the only one who can accept that.

Zhask lets Yve control Domorey (his staff) sometimes. He will NOT admit she's better than him.

Since Zhask is the only one of them with a canonical place to stay, Yve bunks with him. She has a set of pyjamas and everything.

Pillowfights (GAH)

Zhask's love language is acts of service. Yve's is listening. They're both secretly touch starved.

This planet was meant to be his Kastiya II, like an extension of the place. Yve doesn't have the heart to tell him what happened to Kastiya I.

They both love the wildlife. But Yve is usually the one to drag him out of his trance when he sees bugs. He gets an identity crisis.

Yve is Zhask's personal leash. She usually stops him from violently dropping his head into a nearby bush and eating it.

They both have eating problems. Zhask overeats. Yve doesn't eat enough. They criticise each other until their diets eventually cool up.

Imagine again, Yve comforting Zhask through his nightmares-

Zhask

Zhask likes coconut milk. He steals snow from the Northern Vale to build himself a mini fridge for his coconut shakes.

Kastiya II has a bunch of coconut trees. It's mentioned that he's building a swarm army there but it's mostly just a pet-type thing now because they KEEP. EATING. THE COCONUT TREES.

People mistake Zhask's forest of coconut trees for the actual Swarm.

He makes a living somehow by... selling the freshest coconuts known to the world???

Of course it isn't just the swarm who keep eating the trees. Zhask takes a bite out of every single type of plant he finds and if he likes them he'll suck out their juices. Like a beetle.

He sometimes does this to his own coconut trees when he's sleepwalking. He has no recollection of this and starts blaming his spawn beans again.

Yve recorded it and is now saving it as blackmail.

He's a traditional medicine kind of guy. Feed him a ginger root and he'll be all good in three hours.

The Land of Dawn uses his services to clear land and stuff. It's disturbing to see the usually composed and upright king going full-on feral when he's specifically requested for though.

A swarm can clear the intended land in minutes. But if he's hungry he'll take seconds (lol it's a pun).

We all know he can hear people's thoughts. Oho, he has the juiciest gossip if you can crack him open.

'Anything is edible if you're brave enough.'

He's not brave enough.

He's homesick.

He has a good relationship with Badang because Badang makes the best rice (he's Malay of course he does).

Yve

Unlike Zhask she is omnivorous which means she's the one who usually eats the shrimp in his mac and cheese.

She cheats at tag.

Zhask is her FIRST friend.

She likes fish. She can swim for hours. Which terrifies Zhask because he's seen one of his spawn young get eaten by a creature in the water and he's NOT taking risks.

She's actually very good at videogames.

She's not very social. But she DOES get invited by Aurora for tea every two weeks.

She still thinks Aurora should beat up Zhask and then some. As a treat and revenge.

Of course, coming from Mithlora, she is a great hunter. She and Helcurt have hunting battles occasionally when they cross paths.

One of Mithlora's veteran hunters keeps watch on Martis. So she still has family to communicate with in close quarters.

She likes sour cherry sweets.

She has a favourite of Zhask's spawn. Its name is Edem. Zhask's favourite is Meric.

She can light up like a glowstick. Just without the cracking and shaking (but you can do it to her; only once).

Her bestie is Pharsa.

[coffee-without-caffeine]

Kenma x reader: Rainy Days and Animal Crossing

Character: Kenma Kozume (Haikyuu)

Details: Rainy days always seem to go by slowly- that is until your boyfriend Kenma lets you join his animal crossing island. Kenma Kozume x female reader, fluff.

Word count: 727 words

A/N: I’m so sorry for how long this took! I said awhile ago that this would be posted soon but I hit a wall with it and it took me forever to finish! Thank you for waiting! Also sorry for how out of character Kenma is, I’m really bad at writing for him!

The constant stream of water slip off your roof and in front of your window as you lay in front of it, sprawled out over blankets and pillows in an over-sized hoodie. The hoodie smelled slightly of vanilla, the trademark scent of none other than your boyfriend Kenma. A mug of hot cocoa had long since cooled and was now sitting on your nightstand, filling the room with the scent of chocolate with an undertone of the sugary marshmallows that floated around in the cooled liquid. You were caught up in your usual rainy day thoughts as you tugged the hoodie to your nose and inhaled the calming scent. You drop the fabric as your phone vibrates next to the mug, displaying the name “Baby.” A smile creeps onto your face as you hoist yourself up from your mini blanket nest and grab the phone.

“Afternoon Kenma.”

You were met with a quiet hum as he acknowledged your greeting, the faint click of buttons in the background. You both sat in comfortable silence for a bit as Kenma finished up whatever on whatever game he had been playing. “Y/N?”

“Kenma?” You answer, chuckling quietly over the fact this was how most of your conversions go.

“Do you want to play animal crossing with me?” He asks, his voice rising slightly so you can hear him properly. 

Now this wasn’t something you were expecting to hear. Sure you guys would play video games together quite often but nobody had played animal crossing with Kenma, let alone seen his island. “I’d love to! Give me a moment to get online!” 

You were met with another hum of agreement as you rushed off to snatch your coral colored switch lite. Bouncing back to your blanket nest you plopped down and quickly hopped onto animal crossing. After the two of you decided to head over to Kenma’s island first you began to guide your character over to the air port. Smiling slightly to yourself as you clicked through Orville’s dialog. You soon found yourself staring at the loading screen as your character “flew” over to Kenma’s island. As you exited the airport you were met with Kenma’s character waiting for you.  “Could you follow me?” his soft voice floated from the phone. To anyone else he would have sounded bored, but you had known him for long enough to know his tone was softer when he spoke to you, almost with a loving undertone. Before you could respond he began to move his character off your screen and you quickly began to follow him, admiring the well planned scenery of his island. Each flower was placed with a purpose, complimenting the house or lamp post it was placed next to. Everything on his island seemed to have a place, and served some sort of purpose. Soon the two of you arrived at a small clearing of trees that surrounded what looked to be a picnic blanket, and the spring event’s picnic basket (idk if that’s what it’s called but I hope y’all know what I’m talking about). He stopped by the blanket and you ran around for a moment, exploring the small clearing. 

“Kenma, this is adorable! It looks like one of those animal crossing dates...” You trailed off realizing that was exactly what it was supposed to be. “Wait a moment, is this an animal crossing date?” You were almost 100% sure that it was one, but you just needed to check. 

A light and rare chuckle came from your phone as he confirmed your suspicions, “That’s exactly what it is.” You felt your cheeks heat up as a tingling warmth spread from your cheeks, and as corny as it sounds, down to your heart. You were silent for a moment, stunned that he had spent time doing this for you. He really was the best lover you could have asked for. 

Your thoughts were cut off by Kenma’s voice, “Do you like it or...” 

“I love it Kenma. Thank you so much for doing all this!” You chimed, your voice akin to that of a child that had been handed their favorite candy. You could vividly imagine the small smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth at your gratitude.  “After our date can you help me bully Dom off my island?”

“Of course I’ll help you Kenma.”

The ending was so bad please forgive me

[patrick-hockstutter]

If you decide to write bowers gang fan fiction again, could you do like a “bowers gang quarantine” basically what it be like being quarantined with them. I know it’s modern but like still

Y O we doin this right THE FUCK now. And I love the idea of doing this modern day! I actually got a modern Bowers Gang request ages ago that I always wanted to do but never got around to, so I’ll mix it in with this! (and maybe do it after this, who knows, quarantine got me feelin’ some type of way...)

Victor:

This boy is so easily stressed out that he’s in constant need of a soothing activity to keep his mind busy

So you immediately introduce him to the world of face masks and bubble baths

And it’s like this boy has t r a n s f o r m e d

He’s constantly just GLOWING

But he still needs to keep his brain busy, face mask on and ready to go

Victor is an Animal Crossing baby right now

If he goes anywhere, his turquoise switch lite is always in hand

Everything going on has got him so stressed out, so he focuses 100% on his island (which is fucking beautiful at this point)

He then convinces you to get the game and a coral switch lite, and you also get to the point where you can’t put it down

The two of you can be found laying in bed all day visiting each other's islands, filling up your museums, and paying off your loans to Nook

(wearing face masks)

When he’s not playing Animal Crossing, he’s channeling all his energy into his doodles

With some encouragement from you, he starts streaming his art on Twitch and surprisingly gets a pretty good following

You love seeing all the support he’s getting on social media but you juuuuuuust can’t help yourself...

So you post a picture of him laying in bed, playing Animal Crossing with a bright green face mask on and his hair pushed back on Instagram

He’s embarrassed at first, but it eventually gets turned into a relatable meme and he honestly is quite proud of that

It can now be seen as a custom emote for his Twitch subscribers

(and as your phone lock screen)

Belch:

Honestly couldn’t be happier to be on government mandated lockdown

(especially with you)

Belch is such a homebody so he is in complete bliss rn

The two of you spend most days snuggling, snacking, binging shows on Netflix and watching conspiracy theories on YouTube

Y’all watch so much tv at this point that you’ve actually moved the mattress into the living room and made it into a deluxe blanket fort

The two of you swore to start cooking more since you couldn’t go to restaurants anymore, but damn did Domino’s have some good ass coupons...

Long story short, you ordered pizzas more times than you’d care to admit

But whatever, self care, am I right???

Belch also used this time as an excuse to force you to learn about cars

He always said that if you were gonna drive one, you’d need to know how to fix it

You’d always figure out how to cute your way out of it, but not this time

There was n o  e s c a p e

He taught you to change your tires, headlights, oil, brake pads, check all your fluids, the air filter, E V E R Y T H I N G

By the time Belch was done with you, you were basically ready to open up your own auto shop

But then it was straight back to the blanket fort

And although Belch was straight vibin’ in quarantine, god did he miss driving

So he would take you on these nice midnight drives

Sure, he would blast music as loud as he could, but it was so relaxing to look at the stars and the occasional deer that passed by

Henry:

Absolutely follows 0 of the rules at first

He’ll go to the grocery store if he damn well pleases whenever he damn well pleases

Even if he doesn’t need or want anything, the big ‘fuck you’ to government orders is enough for him

At first he just lounged around all day watching tv, but he finally started to get bored

So he started sneaking out of his house and into your bedroom despite the lockdown order

And as much as you wanted him with you, you refused to let him inside

You were a goody two shoes, what could you say? (but of course this is why Henry was drawn to you; he got off on tainting you any way he could)

So he persisted, but you could tell he was doing it mostly to be a jackass

Until one day he showed up looking like a lost puppy, so you caved

You were also a softie, what could you say?

Henry wouldn’t say it, but you knew the lockdown order had finally sunk in and he realized that he would have to be quarantined with his father

So you decided to be his safe haven (and his constant distraction)

You introduced him to your PS4 (he’d never had the luxury of having his own game system) and it opened up a whole new world for him

Games like Destiny and Red Dead Redemption really gave him an outlet and he especially loved that he could control what he did with his character in Red Dead

Which then led him to RPG games like Wolf Among Us and Until Dawn

The two of you would pull all nighters playing these games, constantly debating on which choice to make and how it would impact the story

And when you two weren’t playing games, the extra time quarantined together actually encouraged him to start opening up to you

So one minute the two of you might be swearing at a video game while the next you might be deep in conversation over a cozy cup of cocoa

Patrick:

You thought he was a nightmare before?

Well, I hope you’re prepared to handle him 24/7 for god knows how long

This boy is jumping off the fucking walls okay

And he can’t take it out on the Losers Club, so it has to come out somehow...

This motherfucker starts a prank channel on YouTube and decides that you are his target

Sometimes it’s as harmless as pretending he factory reset your iPhone

Sometimes it’s as infuriating as destroying your eyeshadow palettes and pressing sidewalk chalk into the pans

Sometimes it’s as terrifying as him chasing you around in a monster mask with a kitchen knife while you’re just trying to paint your damn nails

But no matter how pissed you get, he gives you that dumb stupid cute smirk you love to hate and kisses you, reminding you why you tolerate him in the first place

And as much as you think you can, you really can’t stay mad at him for long

Because when he isn’t devising more dubious schemes for internet views, he is alllllllll over you

Somehow being quarantined has amped up his testosterone an ungodly amount

And there’s only so much PornHub’s donated free subscriptions will take care of

But when all these fun and games finally come to a rest, Patrick is jumping off the walls in a completely different way

He has never had to be cooped up for so long, and his mental health disorders are really getting the best of him right now

It gets worse during the night, so you’ve started taking him out to stargaze to calm down

Afterwards, he finally starts to calm down and you actually get to spend some quality time with him

You’ve also found that puzzle games give him something to problem solve with rather than focus on his own labyrinth of a psyche

And in these moments the two of you can finally relax, listen to a creepy yet hilarious episode of Last Podcast On The Left, work on some sort of puzzle game, and enjoy some peace and fucking quiet for once

[antpernas]

1/21/21

This day was so amazing!

So, originally, we had intended to wake up super early. I think I actually did end up waking up on time, but I didn’t want to make him get out of bed with so little sleep, so I just went back to sleep with him.

I think we ended up getting up and out of bed around 7:00 AM, and the first thing we did was head to Publix to get some groceries. Oat milk, greek yogurt, and some other stuff! The most important things were some bakery items. I got him to try his first croqueta! And also a papa rellena. He also bought some flowers to give to my mom.

Admittedly, I was super super nervous about him meeting my mom, but it went soooo well! He was such a sweetheart to her, and though I think she was a little overwhelmed she seemed to like him! While we had breakfast, he asked for some music and even tried to get my mom to dance with him. His genuine innocence and joy is so beautiful to me, I admire it in him so much. Eventually, my mom ended up leaving for work and we finished doing the dishes. Since we were now so behind schedule, we had to deviate from the original plan!

So at first, we had intended for Thursday to be Miami day. Since we were still home at like, 10:00, maybe even 11:00 AM, we thought it might be a better idea to switch the days and do West Palm that day and Miami over the weekend. And it was a great idea! Before we left, we made some PBJ sandwiches, made sure we had everything we needed (snorkel gear, snacks, water, clothes, towels, etc.) and turned off everything in the house. Then off we went!

We ended up going to John D. MacArthur state park, and gosh, what a beautiful time. We got there around 11:30 AM and decided the best course of action would be to kayak first then see if we could snorkel afterwards. We headed over to the kayak rental station (ended up having to turn back around to get our wallets since they didnt accept cash without a 100$ insurance deposit), rented out a double kayak for two hours and got to rowing!

Kayaking with him was absolutely amazing. We went to the other side of the inlet that I hadn’t kayaked when I had been there before, and everything was just so beautiful. We saw storks, egrets, some jumping fish, and of course, mangroves. Probably the most adorable thing about his admiration for the view was how genuinely captivated and enthusiastic he was about all the mangroves. It was so pure! So sweet! It was so adorable.

We took a break on a little mini deserted beach in the middle of the kayaking trail and walked around a bit. Probably the most confusing part of that island was the fact that there was a plastic beach chair just... there?  We took a bunch of cute pictures, tried to explore for a bit, then hopped back in the kayak!

We kayaked a bit more, bumped into a sign in an attempt to go through it as if it were some kind of gateway, eventually managed to get through it, then headed back for the original launch.

When we got to the launch, a park ranger was there organizing some of the kayaks and we chatted with her for a bit about the kayaks and stuff. Stupendously, I managed to break the grip for the kayak right in front of her (Scorpio was trying to warn me that it was loose), then immediately LOST IT right there in the sand. She was super sweet, though, and helped me drag it back into the kayak cubbies. After that, me and Scorpio went to the bathrooms, then back to the rental station to turn in our paddles and life vests. While the clerk was figuring some stuff out, we “chatted” with Scoot (the sea turtle they had in an aquarium for research purposes). The clerk ended up only charging us for one hour instead of two, so we lucked out there! Once that was done, we headed back to the car. 

We stayed at the car for a little while to eat our snacks and PBJ sandwiches, and right as we finished a squirrel started coming up to Scorpio as if to ask for food. I only got the tail end of it on film, but it was literally grabbing his hands as if to steal food from him. I was literally witnessing a Snow White moment in real life. When we finally finished, we started making our way to the beach!

The walk on the boardwalk was beautiful, of course. It was really cool to show Scorpio the inlet we were just paddling on from the bridge, it was like the opposite exposure I had gotten of the park, since I had never kayaked there until after going to the beach there multiple times. 

When we got to the beach, we walked at least a half of a mile north of the entrance to find the rock reef. Thankfully, the sand was super empty that far north, so it was super easy to just throw our stuff down and get ready to start snorkeling! Unfortunately, I saw a bunch of construction vehicles a little farther north, so the abandoned trail I wanted to take him to was inaccessible. Even still, we had a great time just snorkeling! We saw a bunch of cute fish, I caught a glimpse of what I believe was a barracuda (it was moving so fast I only saw it for a moment), and picked up a bunch of litter! He hugged me from behind in the water a couple of times which made my heart absolutely melt.

Eventually, we had our fill and started heading back to the car. On the way back, though, we ran into the same park ranger from earlier and started chatting about the stuff we saw. Scorpio mentioned how he had wanted to see a manatee, and she started talking about how there were a bunch of sightings in the previous two weeks. If only we had come sooner! We got back to the car after that.

The next stop for us was Blue Heron Bridge! As pretty as John D. MacArthur is, Blue Heron was a WAY better spot for snorkeling. There were so many species of fish, multiple shipwrecks and debris, artificial coral fixtures, and we even picked up a STARFISH!! It was so much fun to be spending time with him again, and seeing so much cool stuff made it even better.

Once we finished the snorkel trail, we started heading out of the water. For some reason, I was absolutely FREEZING my ass of, so he started holding me while we walked back to the car. I was really touched when a passerby started showing a lot of concern for me, she thought I had been hurt! But in reality I was just a baby that wanted to be warmed up, and I was enjoying the walking cuddle very much. We thanked her for her concern, then headed to rinse off and get going!

After that, we were going to head home, but I made a quick stop at Publix for us to get a late lunch and for him to try his first ever pub sub. While we were waiting in line, Scorpio was trying to get some water out of his ear, and somebody suggested a different way of shaking your head to try and get it out and it WORKED. It was so funny! And the deli employees who ended up making our sandwiches were SOOOOO fucking FUNNY. It was just so much positivity and laughter, I swear it’s like he has a magic effect on everyone around him. But the best part of it all was how much he liked the sub. Winner winner chicken dinner!

When we got home, he ran straight to the volleyball courts to start playing with my dad and the people he had over. I went inside to eat since I was starving, then afterwards went outside to play a game. I only played one before I went back inside to call it a day. I showered off, then he came inside and showered off, and I’m pretty sure he played some piano and sang a bit before we got ready for bed.

When we were in bed, we had another little heart-to-heart about our feelings and our thoughts. We agreed to try and have one each night so we could be on the same page about how we were doing. We cuddled to sleep and that was our day!

[babyhader]

Closest I’ve Come to Perfection

Snapshots from Richie and Eddie’s life together Post-It, as told by Eddie’s clothes. Extreme fluff and a little cheeky at times. 2.7k words. Ao3 link in bio.

The suit. The polo. The sweatpants. The shorts. Richie’s t-shirt. +1 more.

The Suit.

The suit comes first. The shoulders are dusted with drops of rain that haven’t yet absorbed, and the dark grey color matches the clouds outside. Eddie would never own an ill-fitted suit, but something about the way he stands on Richie’s doorstep looks like he's drowning in it, about to disappear completely into the fabric. Richie doesn’t have much time to take in the sad sight before Eddie launches at him, throwing his arms around his neck. Richie latches on too, burying his face in the soft curls at nape of Eddie’s neck and guiding them into the living room without letting go.

They sink into the couch tangled together. All the texts and calls and hopeful thoughts finally at peace where they hold onto each other. Richie hates the stiffness of the suit jacket, he doesn’t need another layer separating him from the man he loves. He moves his hands underneath it and feels the warmth radiating from Eddie through his thinner button-up.

“You’re really here, Eds,” Richie breathes in his scent and pulls tighter.

“Yeah, and I’m not going anywhere so you better get used to it.” Eddie quips.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this,” Richie sneaks his hand down to cheekily tap Eddie’s butt. Eddie jumps against him and smacks his arm as he pulls away.

“Maybe I shouldn’t live with you, Trashmouth,” Eddie says, but his cheeks flush and his eyes flutter in a way that tells Richie he loves it.

The room smells like rain and is glowing yellow, light from the amber lamp in the corner and the moonlight filtering through the watery window. Their arms secure around the other and their eyes only inches apart, it seems like their whole lives have led them here. Even the years they forgot about each other, the years they didn’t understand themselves, they were supposed to end up together the whole time.

They both lean in the small distance and meet in a soft kiss. Richie feels like he’s 15 again, like he could cry, like he never wants to stop. They both breath into the kiss and Eddie slips his hand up to cradle Richie’s face, thumbing over the rough stubble. It’s strange and enticing to kiss a man, noticing the hard lines of his face and the strength radiating off of him. Eddie feels stupid for never realizing this is what he really wanted, but then again, he wouldn’t have wanted it if it wasn’t with Richie.

Richie opens his mouth to deepen the kiss and all chill from the storm outside leaves Eddie’s body. He arches up into the taller man and hums in content.

Eddie has suits to hang and toiletries to arrange, but that can all wait.

The Polo

Richie knows that Eddie is a thousand times more put-together than he is. His hair is always in place, he moisturizes, he works out regularly. But he didn’t expect Eddie’s entire wardrobe to be comprised of polo shirts. The first weekend they spend together they go to a movie on Saturday- cue the baby blue polo. The farmer’s market on Sunday- a lovely coral polo. And when they arrive home to spend a whole afternoon lounging around together? The polos stay on.

“Are you comfortable?” asks Richie as they settle in to watch the latest episode of Dateline.

“Perfectly,” Eddie hums from his place tucked under Richie’s arm.

“No,” Richie shifts. “I mean, like your clothes dude. You really want to relax in khakis and a collared shirt?” Eddie swivels his head to give him a look.

“Fuck you, dude. Not all of us wear what could be considered pajamas all fucking day.”

“You love that I’m like a walking blanket, my little Eddiekins,” Richie coos and brings him closer. Eddie struggles to break free but eventually slumps against him.

“If you call me that again I’ll burn all your clothes,” Eddie says with no real bite. Richie smiles and shuts his mouth before pressing play.

The Sweatpants

Eddie hasn’t brought up his affinity towards a more formal wardrobe since their last conversation. He isn’t uncomfortable per se, but he knows it might stem from some unhealthy thoughts. Crisp clothes are clean, clean clothes mean you have your shit together, put-together people like their life.The longer he lives with Richie the more he notices that thinking is flawed. He had a life before, but he never liked it until now.

Richie is so free, open, and sometimes clueless in a way that Eddie finds intoxicating. He will talk to anyone and make them laugh, he’ll suddenly start a game of tag on their nightly walk, he will wear two different shoes to the grocery store and tell everyone about it.

Eddie loves him. They both know that, but Eddie isn't the best at expressing it at certain times. He doesn’t want to keep his walls up around Richie, physically or emotionally. As mad as it makes him to admit that Richie has a point, he agrees his wardrobe is a good, practical place to start opening up to the fullest.

Richie has been at a pitch meeting all day, which probably means it went well and he is bouncing script ideas off other writers. Eddie figures it is the perfect time to head to Target, grab a few new clothing items, and some ingredients for dinner.

---

A soft 80's ballad is drifting through the house when Richie opens the door. He’s high off creative energy and excited to tell Eddie about all of their ideas. The house smells vaguely Italian and his shoulders loosen at the warm atmosphere. Richie can't get over how lucky he is to share his life with someone, and that someone is actually Eddie.

He shuffles to the kitchen and stops dead in his tracks. Eddie is stood by the stove in a haze of steam as he stirs their dinner, which is not an uncommon sight. However, tonight is different because he is clothed in baggy sweatpants that grip his small waist and bunch around his ankles, paired only with a soft grey t-shirt. He looks like the physical embodiment of cuddling and Richie wants to sob.

He closes the space between them and wraps Eddie up from behind.

Eddie giggles, swaying slightly to the music in his arms, “Hi, hope you’re hungry I’m making chicken piccata with pasta.”

Richie responds by pulling the neck of his t-shirt to the side and kissing his neck and collar bone, nipping lightly. “I’m starving,” He says, voice low.

Eddie spins slowly in his grip and walks him away from the stove, back pressed into the island counter.

“If you wait just five minutes the food will be ready,” Eddie says casually, but his eyes tease something else.

“You look like you had a relaxing day,” Richie brings his thumbs up to rub at the fleece-like material.

“You like?” Eddie says twisting his hips around to give more of a view. “I thought I’d take your advice and get something less businessman-casual.”

“My Eds, taking my advice?” Richie acts shocked, “I have to text everyone! It’ll say: you’ll never guess who figured out what comfortable clothes are. Now I have this hot guy walking around in grey sweats and I can see the outline of his perfect di-“

“Hey!” Eddie swats his arm. “Sweatpants aren’t sexual, dumbass. You better not be texting them about my dick.”

“Don’t worry, I only tell Bev about that stuff…but she does probably tell Ben, and then he probably tells everyone else.” Richie gives a bright, apologetic smile and shrug. Eddie just stares at him exasperated.

“Fine, I won’t make them sexual, but I will need you on the couch and ready to cuddle for the rest of the night as soon as we finish eating.”

“Fine,” Eddie pecks his lips and turns around to dish up the food.

The Shorts

They’ve fallen into a wonderfully domestic routine. On weekdays they wake up, Eddie heads out for his morning run while Richie makes breakfast, then they both head off to work with a parting kiss. More times than not, Eddie will get home first in the evening and cook dinner.

Then on weekends, they spend every second together typically in bed or out exploring. It isn’t all easy, two 40-year-old men suddenly living very different lives. One still overcoming neuroses and emotional hang-ups, and the other accepting who he is in the public eye. But they grow together and learn to lean on those close to you.

Richie’s favorite part of growing with Eddie is seeing him come out of his shell. He is no longer just polite to everyone, but welcoming, laid back and easy to laugh. Richie knows his own life is better off by miles with Eddie in it. He’s learned how to communicate what he wants without always be the ‘yes’ man, and that if you stretch in the mornings you don’t have chronic back pain.

So yes, it has been months of growth, and bliss, and learning about the other. Now it’s nearing summer and they will have to turn the air conditioning on soon to ward off the California heat.

Richie is busy chopping onions and peppers for their omelets, intermittently sipping on his coffee, as he waits for Eddie to get back from his run. It's Friday morning and he’d had a slow start, not even getting out of bed until he heard the door shut behind Eddie. It had been a long week for both of them, but Eddie never wavers in his dedication to running. Richie is constantly impressed as he can barely open his eyes that early in the morning.

He hears the door slam shut behind him signaling Eddie’s return. Heavy breathing and snippets of a song come sweeping in from the hallway. Richie knows Eddie is stretching and still listening to his workout playlist. He’d helped Eddie make it, ensuring he was missing the motivation that comes only from early 2000’s rap.

He walks out to let Eddie know breakfast is almost ready, but his feet freeze in the archway. Eddie is wearing shorts, like short-shorts.

His mind flies back to childhood memories and awakenings connected with the shorts. The secret touches and quick wit he'd use as a way to diminish certain thoughts. These ones are different, maroon with black pipping along the edges. It is also different because Eddies thighs are muscular, tight from running and dewy with sweat as Eddie bends to touch his toes. The defined line of muscle runs up and up until it meets the soft curve of his butt. Richie hasn’t seen this much upper thigh since- well, last night when they were naked- but framed by the small piece of clothing is tempting in an entirely different way. They are slightly paler than the rest of his legs and Richie wants to bite them.

“Hey,” Eddie straightens up and extracts an earbud, “breakfast ready?” He smiles.

“Y-yeah,” Richie breathes out. Eddie becoming more comfortable in his own skin may be the best thing that happened to him and the thing that kills him.

Richie’s T-shirt

Richie is ecstatic during the car ride back to their house. He’d been gone on a short tour around a few select locations on the east coast. They both figured two weeks would be nothing, filled with texts and phone sex, they would get through it just fine. That was wrong - it was rough. Richie had always hated empty hotel rooms, but now that he could compare it to sharing a bed with Eddie they were unbearable.

Eddie wasn’t much better off. He had their dog, Atari, to cuddle and accompany him on walks, but he sensed the dog missed Richie just as much as he did. He found himself walking around the house wearing nothing but Richie’s t-shirts. It started as a way to comfort himself, but quickly devolved into horny thoughts or ideas of how Richie would joke about the dumb slogan printed on the front.

That’s how he found himself on Saturday afternoon, sitting on the couch as he waits for Richie. The fan blowing stagnant air around the living room like it’s waiting for things to liven-up too. He’s in an old Pink Floyd band tee. It’s faded black with an inch hole showing through the neck line. It is long enough to cover him to mid-thigh and one side hangs lower since the broad shoulders sit loosely on him.

He hears keys jingle behind the door and immediately gets up to meet Richie. Richie doesn’t hesitate to throw his bag down by the door and smile wide as he opens his arms for Eddie. Eddie jumps into them, pressing kisses across his face, airport germs be damned.

“Next time I’ll come with you- it’s not like I don’t have the vacation days saved up.”

“Please do, baby. I missed you so mu- is that my shirt?” Richie pulls back slightly to look across Eddie’s chest.

“Yeah, it’s comfy and still kinda smelled like you- mmph!” Eddie's last thought muffled as Richie crashes their lips together. He puts his hands on the smaller man’s waist and pushes him backwards until he is crowded against the wall. Richie seems to tower over him, even taller with shoes on while Eddie is stood with bare legs and feet.

Both of Richie’s hands spread across the sides of Eddie’s thighs and slide upwards, bringing the shirt with them. Each inch just reveals more skin and Richie feels his eyes go dark.

“You’re not wearing anything underneath this?” He asks, his voice going soft and dry.

“No, I’m not,” Eddie breaths, innocent eyes locking with Richie’s gaze.

Richie wastes no time and hoists him up. Eddie’s legs wrap around him tightly as they kiss, effortless and eager, on the short walk to their bedroom.

The (new) Suit

It is a deep navy blue, perfectly tailored. Eddie had run his hands over it a million times and loved the silky feeling under his calloused hands. Bev helped him pick it out, telling him blue would pair beautifully with his tan skin, and black would be better suited to Richie’s.

They are both adorned with matching baby pink boutonnieres. Richie’s tie came off sometime between the ceremony and the toasts.

The dance floor is filled with family and friends making fools of themselves. Clumsy limbs are illuminated by fairy lights strung high above their heads and the disco ball spinning from the DJ stand. Richie keeps twirling Eddie unaware of how dizzy he feels. Eddie finally pushes Stan in to be the victim of the next spin, laughing at his unamused look.

His cheeks burn from smiling at everyone around him. He’d gotten the love of his life, after all this time and all the struggle, they’d found each other.

The music changes to a slower tune and he drifts back over to Richie, taking his hand and starting to sway to the gentle rhythm. Richie grips his suit jacket and rests his head against Eddie’s. It is more like a hug than a dance, but they can’t care less, wrapped around each other in their own world.

“Have I told you that you look really amazing tonight?” Richie whispers.

“Yeah, Rich, you told me that like six times already.” Eddie smiles.

“I just need everyone to know how hot my husband is,” Richie rubs his hand over the smooth material covering Eddie’s back, “lookin' like a Men’s Warehouse model in this suit.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Eddie exhales and pauses for a moment, “Do you remember the night I showed up in my old work suit, all wet from the rain?”

“Of course.” Richie perks up at the memory.  

“I-I was so scared and excited. I was terrified of loving you but us not being able to fit into each other’s lives. I couldn’t lose you again.”

Richie squeezes him tighter, “Well, you’re in luck because I’m pretty sure we just signed some legally binding documents that make it impossible to lose me.” His voice sounds teasing and close to breaking at the same time.

“I’m just trying to say that it wasn’t much more than a year ago, but I feel so different now. I'm so much happier and comfortable because of you," Eddie closes his eyes and lets his head fall on Richie's shoulder, "I love you so much, I’m going to love you forever.”

“I love you too, Eds. I love you with my whole heart.”

[nyeac-nyeac]

You Are My Island

Pairing: Mermaid! Jaemin X Reader

Genre: Fluff

Words: 3371

Summary: Jaemin and the Dreamies are a group of playful youths who like splashing around the coast where the other merfolk usually avoid. Jaemin wanted to collect the most knick-knacks from the basin by the shore and he couldn’t possibly allow himself to lose against Jeno, could he? Of course, that doesn’t really matter if he’s trapped by the receding tide. What really matters is if you will help him get out.

A/N: @jaeminlore, remember that mermaid au I said I was gonna write? Probably not. Well, here it is. I took my sweet time with it... I was on my main when I sent mermaid!jaemin into your asks during jaemin soft hours, so... yeah, this is one is for my kpop stuff and fanfiction. Hope you like the story!

“A hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight,” Lucas was eagerly counting down from his spot on the sandbar overlooking seven scattered piles of what could only be trash.

The array of seven brilliantly coloured tails zipping speedily over an algae-covered wall in sporadic intervals was enough to make him dizzy. Every time one of the beating tails reached the sandbar, the translucent fins would beat up a storm to cut the momentum they’ve built up and make a sharp turn around. Clouds of fine sand would billow up from the ocean floor, accompanied by powerful sprays of gravel. He could imagine how much sand he was ingesting while he was floating above it. Ten always said Lucas can’t live in the sea without eating a pound of sand and a few questionable things everyday. He hadn’t been proved wrong yet.

“You’re not counting!” The flaming red blur chided in Donghyuck’s voice. He was brandishing his long fins and nearly smacked Lucas in the face with them, then darted for the wall again in a burst of bubbles. Lucas had to wriggle a little bit higher in the water to rise above the expanding and contracting cluster of dirt, coughing hard enough that he was almost throwing up sand he had inhaled earlier. His throat burns but he was grinning when he croaked out the numbers to continue the train of thought that was carrying the countdown. The Dreamies were competing in a game to see who can gather the most knick knacks from the basin. The winner got to skip out on cleaning out the caves.

“Move some of Renjun’s pile to mine, will you?” A low voice called to him, “I’ll bring you crayfish!” Lucas only caught sight of the flash of sunset pink scales belonging to Jaemin before his tail begun carving the currents and launched him through the oncoming sand clouds.

“You can’t do that!” An indignant voice whined out loud. He saw Mark pausing in the miniature sandstorm to stare after Jaemin. His dumbstruck expression twisted into something much uglier when he heard Jaemin shouting back to Lucas, “I’ll throw in some oysters for you!”

“No!” Mark countered instantaneously as he threw down the loose rocks and assorted litter he was cradling in his arms. He waited until he was right in Lucas’ face to wail out with a stern finger pointing down the latter’s nose, “Do not help Jaemin cheat!”

“Come on, man... He promised me oysters,” Lucas replied weakly in his already scratchy voice. A shameless but sheepish smile pulled at the edges of his lips, his tail flicked nervously.

An audible groan of frustration left Mark’s lips as he whipped around and swam away from the sandbar as fast as he could. “I’m telling Renjun!” He yelled. Whether to Jaemin or had he intended for Renjun to overhear, Lucas couldn’t know for sure. Although, he could hear Jaemin answering with a boisterous laugh which gave way to a lot of playful shouting.

Above the water, things were much more serene. The ebbing morning tides sucked in the ocean breeze, became crested with white sea foam as they crash back down on the sand beneath your feet. Pushing, and then, pulling. Fine sand shifted and slipped away, the whole earth beneath your feet seemed to shift along with them.

The morning sun peeked over the horizon. A warm golden drop of burning light rippled against the rust-coloured sea as the sun’s rays seared a myriad of orange and pinks into the retreating night.

You shoved the veil of violently windblown hair behind your ear, stepping over wet sand with a beach chair under one arm, a bag of chips and your flip flops in hand. You looked back and your footprints had become faded indents when the rolling waves washed onto the shore, taking any distinction they had as footprints out into the sea. Your feet were sinking into the gentle pull of seawater. Fine sand burrowed between you toes as you lift your foot from another print you leave in the ground, sending dollops of wet sand flying.

This summer was different. You usually liked watching the sun rise. You didn’t feel like it was worth watching today because your brother and father weren’t here to enjoy it with you. This was the usual routine for the three of you every summer which your mother was too lazy to join in on. You three would grab a few beach chairs, armfuls of junk food and sneak out of the house while your mother was still sound asleep. Swathed in towels, you walked lazily towards the beach behind your brother and father, one hand digging through the chips they had so unwisely entrusted to you. There was this basin isolated from the beach by steep rocks. Just past the rocks was a narrow stretch of sand that was a smidge whiter than the rest of the beach, a thick line of trees to provide some natural shade, a small pool of water that was slightly less murky than the tide that washes onto the beach. Like a slice of paradise cut from some idyllic beach somewhere in the Southeast. It’s from here where you watch the early sunlight kiss the water and talk about life with two of your closest family.

Your brother will be attending university soon in a different city and your father decided to spend this summer helping your brother find a place to stay. While you were overjoyed for him being accepted into the university he applied for, you dreaded returning home to your father and stepmother without your brother. Of course, there’s nothing wrong at home, per se, you love your stepmother. You just couldn’t stomach it when you noticed how differently your family acted around her and around your mother. At least, with your brother around, his endlessly energetic personality made everyone get along. You and your father, on the other hand, have as much rapport as rocks.

Sitting, now, in your beach chair with the sun in your eyes, the salt of the chip on your tongue tasted foul.

Jaemin’s heart was hammering wildly against his ribcage. He knew he wasn’t the sharpest of their school but he definitely didn’t think he was stupid enough to allow himself to be trapped this way. Innocently oblivious to the passage of time while he was rushing to beat Jeno in the little game they were playing, the receding tide trapped him on the wrong side of the wall. His slender form of pale pink scales swam back and forth at the base of the rock wall that cut the basin off from the rest of the ocean, tail brushing and beating against the grey wall in the hopes of knocking something loose from the wall.

He’d been trapped in the basin for nearly five days, feeding on the meagre few shellfish and small fish swimming around to keep himself from starving. In this dry summer, the seawater that washed into the surf hardly rose any higher than the basin wall. But with five lengthy days, he wondered why hadn’t his friends come for him yet. One way or another, they’d have a plan. They always do.

He stuck his head out above the water and was slapped in the face with the sudden chills of the ocean air. He blinked rapidly, his eyes quickly watering from the sting of the open air. Resorting to squinting out of his left eye, he could make out the serrated teeth that rimmed the top of the wall, the seawater lapping against its jagged edges.

That’s hardly enough room for him to even jump across. Crawling over the wall was obviously out of the question, unless he wanted to shred himself into ribbons and become easy pickings for the gulls.

Of course, failing to escape wasn’t the only thing rattling his bones right now. In the past few days, he’d observed a human female wandering down into the basin on some mornings. He spied her loitering around the rocks away from the beach on a couple of evenings too. If Jaemin ever got discovered, it’d be the end of him. He wouldn’t be a free merfolk anymore. Instead he would be made to become a test subject for experiments, a captive animal for research, a strange creature people pay to see or illegal goods sold for a pretty buck. All of that scared him to the ends of his fins.

He was about to start crying with the path his imagination was starting down until a muffled splash interrupted him. The breath stalled in his chest. Something disturbed the water. Something big, like a person. The already cold water seem to drop a few more degrees once the fact registered in his head. His entire body went stock still, then he curled slowly in on himself. He drew his tightly clenched fists to his chest and tried to seem as small as possible.

Jaemin’s frozen form hit the sand bed, startling him into action. In a flurry of clumsy movements, he quickly darted behind a small shelf of coral. Then, plastered himself to its surface, trying his hardest to hide his colourful pink tail in the otherwise plain looking surroundings. The shadows of regret were creeping up on him as he flicked the fins of his tail nervously. He was starting to think it would’ve been better if he hadn’t moved.

It saw him. It saw him. It definitely saw him.

Fear bubbled within him, sending violent shivers down his back and up to the roots of his hair. He did the best he could to dodge the human’s sight. He would peek around edges of the corals. Every time he believed the human turned away, he darted away to a new hiding place. The human, feeling his movements disturb the water, would follow them sluggishly.

They went round and round the basin until Jaemin made a mistake. He misjudged the window for him to move and the human turned around too quickly. The world felt like it was slowing down as they stared. The human’s dark hair fanned out around her head, falling gently around her shoulders. Her charcoal black doe eyes were wide as they travelled down his body and lingered on his tail. He watched on in apprehension, nearly too afraid to move. Even if he did, what could he do? He’s trapped. Now, he finally understood that human expression he heard from some migrating merfolk— shooting fish in a barrel. It was an expression that unsettled him very much.

The human girl opened her mouth. He almost bolted and it took every strand of his determination to force himself to stay still because he was curious about what she was trying to say. Instead, air bubbles escaped from her lips and her entire body seized up, making him jump. The girl flailed and kicked her way up to the surface. She swam to the shore and stopped returning to the water.

He stayed in the same spot for several minutes before he decided to risk it and raise his head above the water once more.

There she was sitting on the shore, with a colourful towel over her head. The girl flinched when he surfaced. Jaemin’s head bobbed along the surface as he glided closer towards her. The expression of awe melted from her face and she moved further away from the water, her eyes never leaving his own. Little by little, his body rose from the water. Her eyes trailed after the cascades of water that slid over his glistening skin. He could see them clouding up when they stopped at his hips where instead of being joined to a pair of human legs was an iridescent tail that looked as if it could be made of all the pinks of the sunset.

With all the courage he’d mustered, he blurted out, “Can I borrow your leg magic?”

The girl’s eyeballs nearly popped out of their sockets when he spoke. He noticed that his voice was exponentially louder than it was underwater. Perhaps his newfound volume had startled her, or maybe she didn’t understand him at all. He hadn’t considered that they may not be speaking the same language.

But the girl replied almost immediately, “What the hell is leg magic?”

"You know," he mumbled, waving his hand at her legs, "the magic you use to walk around on land."

“I don’t use magic to walk,” she answered.

“Aw, come on. I just need it for a bit to get back into the sea,” Jaemin puckered his lips into a pout and pleaded.

“There’s no such thing,” she said with a shake of her head.

He closed his eyes for a moment and grasped his webbed hands together. In case she thought he wasn’t being serious, he lowered his voice, “I promise, I promise I would return them to you as soon as I enter the water.” He then imitated the most adorable expression he’d ever seen on a baby sea lion. He hoped his cuteness was as charming as he thought it was. Jaehyun said it was passable and Jaemin was sixty percent sure he just said that to be nice.

The girl was beginning to look a little miffed. She got up to her knees and leaned closer to the water, “And I’m telling you that I don’t have any magic. If you want to get back to the sea, I think my neighbour has a wheelbarrow I can use to carry you.”

Jaemin was puzzled by the foreign word she just uttered but nodded anyway, “Yeah, okay. You do that... with your wheel-ey thing.”

She nibbled on her lips and wiggled her finger at him, “Be right back. You stay right there!”

“Not like I’m gonna be going anywhere soon,” he whispered to himself after she shot up from the sand, darted into the trees and disappeared behind the large boulders where the strip of sand ends.

Jaemin drifted idly back and forth in the water for several minutes. The girl was nowhere in sight. The sun had almost completely risen and the sky was starting to turn blue. It made him wonder if she actually planned on coming back to help him. Maybe he should just wait some more for his friends to get the leg magic from the shaman to come on land and rescue him.

Behind him in the low hanging trees, there was a loud clang. He sank swiftly into the water and dove straight into the sand, burying himself like a stonefish. His heartbeat picked up again. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, praying that whatever made that noise went away quickly.

A few daunting seconds later, he felt a slight disturbance in the water. Then, a muffled voice reached his ears, “Oi! Fish boy, you there?”

Relief flooded his body. He lifted his head from the sand, snorting some sand from his nostrils as he leaped to the surface. He never thought he’d be so happy to hear the voice of a human. The girl let out a small scream when he broke the surface so suddenly and kicked a chunk of the beach into his face. He spluttered and shook off the wet sand, the bright smile never leaving his face. “You’re back!” he cheered.

The girl looked like she wanted to hit him.

She sighed, “Well, apparently, pushing a wheelbarrow isn’t as easy as it looks. I couldn’t get it past the rocks, so I’d have to carry you to it. How heavy are you?”

He blinked and shrugged. One thing to be proud of in merfolk culture is that nobody cares about how much you weigh because nobody knows how much they weigh anyway.

Again, she looked like she wanted to hit him. She mirrored his shrug and waddled apprehensively to him. She turned her back to him and hunkered down. “Come on, put your arms around my shoulders.”

The girl shivered when he did, exclaiming in mild shock, “Oh my god, you’re really cold.” Her hands fumbled a bit, trying to support his tail. She proceeded to sit in the water after she shifted his weight onto her back.

“...you’re the heaviest fish I ever held,” she grunted as she struggled to stand.

“Hey,” he scolded softly, “The correct term is merperson. I’m still only part fish, you know.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled sheepishly.

In the end, it turned out that Jaemin was indeed quite heavy in human terms. Definitely way too heavy for the girl to stand with him on her back. They continued floundering about until the sun was hanging dead centre in the crystalline blue sky. After some deliberation, she had Jaemin latch on to her while she stood in a deeper part of the basin, so she’d be standing when she dragged him out of the water.

“Are you gonna be okay out of the water?” she inquired before she moved out of the water, “You won’t asphyxiate or anything, right?”

“Asfee- what?” he gave a amused smile. That was a funny sounding word.

“Asphyxiate. It means to choke to death,” she repeated.

“Oh,” his smile fell ever so slightly. That’s not funny. It’s not funny at all. He knew he won’t choke from not being able to breathe with his gills but to think that word had such a dark meaning.

“Haha... I’ll be fine, I think. Merfolk are part human, so we have to have some lungs, right?” Jaemin proceeded to suck the air into his lungs through his nostrils and breathed out in a loud sigh. The cold ocean air felt alien and it burned against his windpipes but the raw feeling of air rattling inside his chest in that small instant was so unexpectedly... delicious.

He sucked in another lungful of air and laughed, “Welp, I’m not asfeeshating! So, let’s go!”

It took a lot of groaning and complaining, but the two of them finally reached the beach beyond the rocks. The human girl rattled off an impressive vocabulary of expletives all the while she was dragging him through the thicket of trees. Jaemin was certain that he lost all of his scales on the underside of his tail from having it rub against every bump and surface they came across. But hey, he‘s probably one of the few merfolk who had ever had a sunburn.

There was a really tiny-looking boat on the sand before them with a weird round thing at the bottom. It’s the whatchamacallit... the wheel-y boat.

He would admire it but he didn’t have the chance because as soon as the girl saw it, she dropped him into it with a shout. They progressed very slowly towards the water’s edge, twisting this way and that while she was trying her best not to topple him over. When the seawater made it to the girl’s torso, the wheel boat lurched and he was dumped face first into the ocean floor.

He lifted his head and blinked at the open waters. With an ecstatic whoop, he shot up from the sand and swam tight circles around the girl’s legs. His newfound freedom compelled him to leap out of the water as he swam, drenching her with his splashes.

He came to a halt in front of her, relishing the stunned look on her face. He took a moment to marvel at how her irises catch the sunlight and turn into the warmest shade of brown. He’d never seen anyone’s eyes do that before. An idea struck him and he unhooked his favourite piercing from his ear, the one with the thin golden chain, and he fastened it to her ear. His heart did little somersaults in his chest as he watched her cheeks flushed red.

“I’ll come back with real leg magic next time!” Jaemin shouted his promise to the flustered human and dove into the foam of the waves.

The little merman was unclear if the noises in his heart was the exhilaration from finally gaining his freedom... or if it was the anticipation from the promise of seeing her again.

[tb5-heavenward]

The Ace Advantage

Being a sequel to An Elegant Escapade, concerning the friendship between John and Penelope, and the additional dimension of similar between Gordon and Kayo.

so we’re doing this thing again! art via the absolutely lovely @oolongteamix​. I don’t know how this one’s gonna roll out, because I’ve only just lately come around to the idea of how I want to actually write it, but then, EE took me a whole entire year to write, and changed a great deal over its course. anyway! I’ve tried to kick this one back to life various times in various ways, when truthfully the best way for me to get anything written is just to start publishing. So here’s hoping.

part one - wardrobes and warnings

Wherein John is surprised by the proposition of murder and Kayo is wise in the ways of women. Gordon makes an inaccurate assumption. Penelope declares war.

                                                                                                                              Creighton-Ward Manor has guestrooms to spare, even when there are seven guests in total. It's probably just a coincidence that John's room happens to face the tennis court; that the high, white-mullioned window seems as though it's aligned perfectly with the center line, neat and bright and pointed straight at him.

The tennis court did not exist a week ago.

John's checked. Initially he'd just doubted his memory---it's been a long time since he last had occasion to actually visit Creighton-Ward Manor, and the fact that he didn't remember a tennis court may not have meant anything at all. But he'd gone back over the satellite footage, just on a hunch, and had been surprised when he only need to step it back by about a week to see the blank patch of lawn, now occupied by a regulation tennis court, neatly bounded in by perfectly trimmed hedges.

The freshness of the painted lines should've been his first clue, probably. Or maybe the fact that Penelope had made a very specific point of inviting the entire family for a visit in the first place. That's not entirely out of the normal, but generally Penelope saves her bulk invitations for later in the year, to provide a sort of surrogate winter for the Tracy family, confined as they are to an island in the subtropics, and lacking a great deal of seasonal variation as they do.

They also lack the sort of space that would be devoted to a tennis court, back home, although a tennis court is certainly the sort of thing that they might be expected to have, a standard accoutrement of the ultrarich. Instead they have an Olympic-sized swimming pool, which may or may not be redundant, considering they live in the middle of the South Pacific. But his brother is a gold medal Olympian for swimming, whereas John's only sort of a vaguely talented amateur at tennis, and not often home besides. So he's not especially bothered by the fact that they have a swimming pool instead of a tennis court.

So even if it's only a week old, and even if it he's just happened to notice it, initially John doesn't make particular note of the fact that Penny's had a tennis court put in. It's the sort of thing the English aristocracy might be expected to have. He's only even seen it in the first place because he happened to catch a glimpse of it outside his bedroom window. John plays, certainly, but he hasn't played since college. Specifically, he hasn't played since Oxford. Now that he thinks of it, the last time he played tennis, he played with Penny.

The neatly folded and pressed set of tennis whites on the quilted bedspread are slightly less subtle. The tennis racket leaning against the bedside table looks suspiciously like the one he'd played with in college, nearly six years ago now.

As he picks it up, attempting to approximate something like fond nostalgia, the door of the wardrobe in the corner of the room pops open and Penelope unfolds herself from inside it, and just about gives John a heart attack.

"Oh, do calm down, John," Penny chides, in answer to his rather undignified yelp, as though it's John's fault for not expecting that she would be lying in wait in the wardrobe. Her hands smooth over her immaculate white skirt, its pleats so sharply creased that her hands should come away bloody. Her shirt is similarly pristine, pure, snowy white, rouched in the front in a way that flatters her petite figure. Her wrists are bare of their usual gold adornments, and instead she's got a pair of terry cloth sweatbands. The gleam in her eyes is the sort that belongs to the kind of person who lurks in wardrobes as a matter of course.

She also seems absolutely unimpressed by the fact that he'd been about to hit her in the face with his tennis racket, not that he expects he would've actually managed it.

"What are you---what---why?" John demands, lowering the racket and glaring down at the Lady Penelope; dear friend, cherished companion, frequent and insistent intruder into the depths of John's private life.

"Because I didn't want your brother to see me coming in here," Penelope answers pleasantly, and crosses the room to pick up the shirt she's laid out for him on the bed. She gives him a critical once over, then holds it up to measure it against his torso, frowning slightly as she tugs at the shoulders of the white polo. She tuts softly for some reason he can't perceive, and then tosses it aside. "You're always broader across the shoulders than I remember, but never mind, this will do. Do you still serve right-handed?"

John's still snagged on the first point, though as Penelope picks up a pair of tennis shorts that suggest that she doesn't remember the length of his legs, either, he makes a note to make sure he points that out. "None of my brothers think you and I are a thing. No one's thought that in forever, so who cares if you're seen coming in here? It's your damn house. Everybody knows we're just friends." His brain catches up to the end of the question and he adds "And...I don't know, probably? Is that something that changes? I haven't played in years, Penelope."

Penelope rolls her eyes and crosses the room again, this time to prudently ensure that the door is solidly closed. "Not your brothers, your brother. Gordon. I put him in the room at the end of the hall and I can't chance him seeing me in here. I need your help."

"With what?"

Her answering smile is the sort of perfectly wicked expression that John's all too familiar with. It belongs to the version of Penelope that plots and schemes and pops out of wardrobes. It flashes up when she looks at the world around her, or more accurately the unfortunate people inhabiting it, and comes to the conclusion that she's been wronged in some way, and that the only course available is to enact vicious, bloody vengeance. Her hands clasp together before her, fingers interlacing in a manner that's almost prayerful. She's all purity and piety and sweetness and light as she answers, "Why, John, dearest. We're going to murder the little bastard."

                                                                                                                              The trouble had started, as trouble so frequently does, with Gordon. Because Penelope had said something, and Gordon had laughed.

Kayo sits cross-legged at the foot of her (four poster, canopied) bed, and watches a tennis ball popping up towards the vaulted ceiling, and then back down again. Gordon's lying flat on his back on the floor of her room, and she's not sure where he came by the tennis ball or why he's throwing it at the ceiling. It's almost a full twelve feet, straight up and back down again, and each and every time, her brother catches it without the slightest break in rhythm.

It's this sort of easy, casual athleticism that's gotten Gordon in this predicament in the first place. The fact that this is a quality that she and Gordon share is what has him trying to recruit her to his cause.

He's made his case, and he's made it seem pretty compelling, but there's a major problem with his proposal. Actually there are several, but one in particular stands out in Kayo's mind. She reaches out and snatches the ball out of midair, sandwiches it between her palms as Gordon sits up.

"You do realize that I don't actually know how to play tennis, Gordon?"

Gordon isn't concerned, and he breaks into a grin. "Ping pong, but bigger."

"I didn't think you played tennis, either."

Gordon shrugs. "How hard can it be? If Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward thinks she's good enough at the game to merit putting in her own damn tennis court, then you better believe I'm gonna make her prove it."

The timeline of events, as far as Kayo's been able to determine, started with a call between Penelope and Gordon, a few weeks back. The pair of them had both been occupied with fairly tedious elements of their respective occupations---an eighteen-hour stakeout in Belarus and the careful rehabilitation of a slowly rallying coral reef, respectively---and to hear Gordon tell it, they were just chatting to pass the time. Lady Penelope had idly mentioned that she was thinking of having a tennis court put in.

And Gordon had laughed.

Because---he had told Kayo, just the same as he'd told Penelope---it's a ridiculous affectation. A tennis court. Who did she propose to play with, anyway? He couldn't even imagine any of her society friends wanting to work up a sweat or risk breaking a nail, bounding back and forth after fuzzy neon balls. Specifically---well maybe, anyway, he doesn't actually quite remember, but the point is she'd definitely overreacted---he might've said "what the hell would you want with a tennis court?" It's possible that the emphasis laid on the you had been a rather disparaging sort. It's possible he'd made some comment about Sherbet getting more use out of it than Penelope would. It's possible these remarks were poorly received.

Penelope had frostily informed him that she had played in college, and that lately she'd found herself missing it and in want of some vigorous exercise. Gordon, occasionally capable of misreading signals utterly and entirely, had pointed out that her college career was six years ago, and that the whimsical and nostalgic want of a tennis court was only going to result in a great deal of wasted clay, for skills that had likely turned to so much more powdery red dust.

"Because women just love to be condescended to about their hobbies and interests," Kayo comments dryly, and drops the tennis ball back down, attempts to bounce it off Gordon's face. He's too quick, catches it before it hits his nose, and grins at her. Of all her adopted brothers, Gordon's the nearest to her own age, only a few weeks her elder. Still. There are certain subjects upon which Kayo is infinitely the wiser. "And why should she have to prove anything at all to you, exactly?"

Gordon has the audacity to frown and wave a finger at her. "Oh, no no no. No. No, you're not making me into the asshole here, Kay. She started it. She went ahead and had the damn thing put in just to prove a point. She sent me a picture, before the paint was even dry, and she said, and I quote, 'you're welcome to consider the gauntlet thrown'. A week later she invites the whole family out to visit. So, we're here. Gauntlet thrown. It's only gentlemanly to pick it up."

For all that they have athleticism in common, Kayo's not nearly as competitive as Gordon. Or, if she's competitive at all, then it's somehow in a vastly different way. Competition, for Gordon, is a matter of scorched earth obliteration. He prefers his games to be of the zero-sum sort, with a a clearly delineated winner and loser. It's not that he's a sore winner, exactly, as much as it is that he's an infrequent loser, and hasn't ever really learned the grace to go with it.

Her own competitions, or at least the ones that matter most, are mostly with herself. Right now, at least as far as tennis is concerned, she'd be no kind of competition for anybody. And she doesn't understand why her involvement is necessary in the first place, but Gordon had snuck across the hallway into her room before she could even start get get unpacked, and announced that he had a proposition for her.

"So why can't you just play a few games with her? If the gauntlet's been thrown, clearly she's ready and willing." And clearly she intends to kick your ass up and down the court, and as much as I'd like to be a participant, I think it would be just as fun to be a spectator. This is a thought Kayo thinks, but not one she expresses aloud. "What do you need me for?"

"Well, otherwise it wouldn't be fair! Men's and women's tennis. Tennises. They don't mix, unless its mixed doubles. Only way for it to balance out." He grins a wicked sort of grin, "D'you know, I think she's gonna partner up with John?"

"So?"

Gordon scoffs, "John. You know, my big brother, John? Tall, gangly critter? Lives about eighty percent of his life in space? About as coordinated as a newborn baby giraffe? Only been on Earth for about forty-eight hours, still hasn't got his land legs back? Even if Penelope does know her way around a tennis court, John for a partner is a liability, not an asset."

"Does John know how to play tennis?"

Gordon waves this away as an irrelevant detail. "So what if he does? John walked face first into the patio door on the way back into the house before we headed down to the hangar this morning. John occasionally comes downstairs with his shoes on the wrong feet. I could beat John at tennis, blindfolded, with one hand tied behind my back and standing on one foot. It's Penelope I wanna see on the court, and the only way that's gonna happen---fair and square---is if you and me pair off against him and her."

Kayo begins to suspect that this is not actually about the tennis. She wonders if John's been press-ganged in a similar fashion---wonders if he realizes just what exactly this is about, if it's not actually about tennis. Knowing John, probably not.

And knowing Gordon, he's not going to take no for an answer. So it's not the answer she gives him.

"All right," Kayo says, and unfolds herself from the foot of the bed, stands up and stretches. "But you have to promise me that this is just going to be a few friendly games of tennis, Gordon. Don't take this too far, for your own damn sake."

Gordon bounces to his feet, with the sort of grin Kayo's seen from him before, the kind he employs when he doesn't think anything could possibly go wrong. "Please," he answers, as casual and unconcerned as only an absolute fool can be, "it's not like she's gonna turn this into a personal vendetta or anything. It's just tennis."

                                                                                                                               "This is a vendetta, John. This is not just tennis. This is war."

In John's opinion this is probably unnecessarily strong language for the situation at hand, but then, Penelope's been insulted.

John still hasn't gotten the particulars of just what exactly the insult was, but Penelope insists that there was one, and apparently the insult in question is ninety-percent of the reason she's had a tennis court put in.

There's also the objective fact that insults are just a part of Penelope's native dialect. She breaks off from her muttered declarations of war against his brother to slip back into her natural speaking voice, "Darling, honestly, do you happen to know if your bare torso is visible from space? I've England's climate as an excuse for the fairness of my complexion, but I do believe you might actually approach incandescence."

One learns to listen around this, and in fairness, she says it as she kneels on the bed behind him and continues to apply SPF 75+ to his shoulders and the back of his neck, because he's long since learned that he can't be too careful when it comes to sun exposure, even on a vaguely overcast day in England, even beneath tennis whites. "I don't know if I've ever successfully been able to explain to you just how quickly I can get a sunburn. And when I was twenty-three, you told me that freckles make me look like a twelve-year-old."

"Because they do," Penelope agrees placidly, and smears a palmful of icy cold sunscreen across his left shoulder blade, and then tuts at him disapprovingly when he shivers. "I suppose this is the least I could do, considering you've very kindly agreed to help me murder your brother."

"To beat my brother at tennis."

"To murder your brother at tennis."

"And why exactly do you need to murder my brother at tennis, again?"

"Because he doesn't think I can," Penelope answers, and John knows her well enough to know the steel in her tone, her utter and absolute determination not to let such an insult pass. Except---

College, Oxford, and the year he'd done overseas getting a linguistics degree, over half a decade ago. He and Penelope had made friends then, and have been friends since. When Penelope had played tennis, he'd been the one to play with her. And they'd been...fine. They'd played recreationally, just for fun and to get some exercise and because it had been nice to have something to do together as partners. But John would never have labeled tennis as a passion, not for either of them. They'd played against each other as often as they'd played together against others, and even then, John wouldn't have called Penelope competitive.

And while it might be an insult for Gordon to point this out, John's one of Penelope's closest friends, and therefore has the license to comment, "Well, but Penelope, I kinda don't think you can either? It's been...what, it's been six years since college? Have you even picked a racket up since then?"

Penelope tosses her hair, as sure an indicator as any of when she's about to disregard someone else's interpretation of reality. "Once or twice. But it's like riding a bicycle, John, it's not as though one forgets how. As a counterpoint, has he ever even picked up a tennis racket to begin with?"

There's probably something John should notice about the heat with which Penelope refuses to use his brother's actual name---but he's never been very good at that sort of thing, and remains focused on the practical problem more immediately at hand. "I don't know if it really matters---I mean, the game's not complicated. It's just ping pong, writ large, and Gordon's got the whole 'natural athlete' thing. And if he partners with Kayo---"

"I'm entirely certain he will."

"---then she's not exactly worth dismissing either. Gordon swims like ten miles a day. Kayo could probably bench press me if she wanted to. Penny, the pair of them kickbox for fun."

"If either of them kick you, I think it probably constitutes a forfeiture of the game."

"I think that might be the only way we could win."

Penelope sighs dramatically, and drapes her arms around him from behind, deceptively affectionate. "My darling, your brother is a cocky, overconfident, weaselly little shrew. I can't bear the thought of letting this lesson pass him by."

This is a list of objective facts about Gordon, but equally these are things about Gordon that John's learned not to try and change. But he's had the full quarter century of his little brother's lifetime to grow accustomed to him. Penelope's only had a measly half-decade, and it's possible that things like this just can't be taught, except by object lesson. It's possible that Penelope's going to be the one learning it. It's more than possible that John might like to see that happen.

"Okay, Pen," he agrees, reaching up to pat the hand she has still resting against his collarbone. She probably mistakes it for affection and not preemptory sympathy. She should know him better by now. "Let's get this show on the road."

[aleapoffaithfiction]

V.

"Love is not all about loving everything perfect, it is when someones  corrosive nature is the only thing that glues you to them which you  wished it were never there." ― Michael Bassey Johnson

“I heard you the first time ma.”

Curtains and dinnerware. She’d been going on and on about the need for both for nearly thirty minutes. I’d have to question my own mental capacity if I hadn’t remembered it. With the first day of fall already over two weeks behind us, she complained about the need to change all of the pale coral drapes in the house to be in accord with the season. She raved about multiple shades of red being the perfect color palette for the Brooklyn townhome she resides in but eventually changed her mind by randomly blurting out that it’s too early for things to be so Christmas-y and instead opted for brunt orange. As for the dinnerware, it specifically has to be the nearly five hundred-dollar twenty-piece lace gold Vera Wang Wedgwood set that she fell in love at Bed Bath & Beyond.

It took every ounce of energy I had left within me to get off of the couch, change my clothing, and drive over here per her request after an extremely loaded day at work, so the last thing I want to hear about is her trivial needs and yet...here we are.

“Well, I know it’ll be like pulling teeth to get you over here any other day this week, so maybe we can do a little shopping this weekend. We can pick up Celeste and take that new car of yours for a good drive around the city or maybe we can head back your way so that I can go to Walmart.” Or she and Celeste can take either one of their cars and go on their boring shopping trip without me. With mommy’s early retirement and Celeste’s somewhat loose schedule with her counseling and life coaching career, the both of them have more than enough time to be in and out of stores for the sake of having something to do.

Every now and then, they’ll pester me into joining them for the sake of the three of us spending time together, but I usually dread it. They’re the slow, look at anything and everything for no logical reason, shoppers who slowly stroll around the stores while discussing the most trivial things. And me? I’m usually trailing behind them while huffing and puffing in annoyance at it all. Celeste always deems me to be the annoying little sister who throws a tantrum when everyone isn’t doing what she wants whenever I react in that manner and I always let her know that she can kiss my black ass every single time she says it. There’s a lot more I can be doing on a Saturday besides walking around Walmart and looking at the same ol’ shit.

“Yeah, I guess so.” As she wiped her counter top in the kitchen, I broke off another piece of the piña colada pound cake she made with my fingers and dropped it into my mouth. Per the usual, the flavoring and moisture was to perfection.

“I know I thought you better than that. The spoon is right there.” I let that go in one ear and right out of the other. The only way I’d be using that spoon is if she had some vanilla ice cream to go with this cake and she doesn’t, because it’s the first thing I checked for when I arrived. She only has butter pecan. What is it with older people and butter pecan ice cream anyway?  

“Are you still going back home for auntie Shelly’s birthday or are you still thinking about it?” She immediately scoffed with a roll of her eyes and began to fold up the wet kitchen towel so that she could toss it behind the faucet as she always does when she’s finished wiping the counters.

“I’ll probably be there. She’s yet to stop calling and getting on my damn nerves about it. I’ve never known anyone to be more obsessed with their birthday than Shelly. You’d think that she’s turning twenty-one years old with the way she’s carrying on. Oh, and then there’s the part about her wanting a Gucci bag as a gift. She has a lot of damn nerve. Why do people automatically assume because you live in America, that you’re made of money?” And just like that, with her frustration, came her Trinidadian accent in full swing. Though they’re only two years apart in age, both mommy and auntie Shelly clash like no other and yet will give you hell if you dare to test either one of them. Even with the complaints, I won’t be surprised when she flies to Trinidad with that Gucci bag packed with her belongings because she plays the big sister role well and spoils auntie no matter how much she nags about her ridiculous requests. My grandmother, Auntie Shelly, and mommy migrated to the United States when mommy was seventeen and though she’s been here ever since, Auntie Shelly moved back to Trinidad to be with her now husband, Uncle Winston. Supposedly, mommy dated Uncle Winston first and that’s what caused their clashing ways, but that’s a story that I’ve never cared to look into. That skeleton and whatever else involves it, can remain in the closet.

“Because people stereotype. It’s a part of life.” And that’s the truth. You won’t believe how many family members believe my bank accounts are on Oprah levels because my face is on television five days a week. I dread family events for that very reason. I’m all for putting my people on and have definitely extended a helping hand for the sake of granting people opportunities but there are so many people who have no interest in working their way up to where they want to be in life. How do you expect to be somewhere in life without a foundation under you? More than anything or anyone else, the esteem you have for yourself after having busted your ass for an achievement is magical.

“Celeste said that she’d fly down with me for the birthday party if I do decide to go. Why don’t you come too? It’ll be a nice getaway for you and I’ll be able to have both of my children with me.”

“It all depends on the scheduling. I have to warn them weeks ahead if I decide to take a trip because they have to reach out to other analysts or athletes to find creative ways to fill in for me while I’m gone. I can’t just pick up and go. If it’s a weekend thing, I can probably fly out on Friday right after we wrap up on air and just skip out on the Podcast. That should get me there by like Friday evening.”

“Sounds fair enough to me, for as long as you come.”

“I’ll look into it.”

“So how is work?” My eyes instantly widened at the question because it’s one she never asks.

“It’s going great, honesty. I can’t complain even if I wanted to. How can I? I have one of my dream jobs. I’ve always wanted to have a show on ESPN and now I’m apart of a panel for the highest rated show on the network. I’d be a fool to have a single complaint about that.”

“I’ll never be able to understand how sitting around and talking about sports all day long is so interesting but that’s who you are, I suppose.” And there it is; the condescending dismissal of what I love.

Being a tomboy was something that happened to be within my nature while I was a kid, I didn’t ask for it nor did I go seeking that identity. I had no interest in playing with dolls and doll houses, I wanted soccer and basketballs. The whole kitchen and tea party thing was more of my sister’s style. I urged daddy to sign me up for the Boys and Girls Club, every summer league in Brooklyn, and to buy me game systems so that I could play them on those rainy or snowy days when I couldn’t or didn’t go outside and play. Dresses were for church and Easter, as far as I was concerned. Jeans and sneakers were more of my thing and still are; I just sex them up whenever I feel like it because I’ve confidently come into my womanhood and can be multifaced in the way that I dress myself.

I compromised with her by learning how to cook, only because she would constantly drill it into Celeste and I heads that she refused to have her children go out into the world without knowing how to feed themselves, but other than that, all of my thrills were in exciting times like those NFL wildcard games to clinch playoff spots, Venus and Serena Williams coming up in the ranks, or that kid from Akron, Ohio who was deemed to be the greatest human being to touch a basketball while still in high school. Hell, I remember when all of the girls around my way had a crush on Coney Island’s own Sebastian Telfair, meanwhile all I wanted was to play a couple of games of one on one with the guy right in the projects where he, his older brother Jamel, and their cousin, former NBA player Stephon Marbury came up. Though us two girls were all they had, daddy would always happily boast and brag about me being his best friend because I was the best of both words all made up into one. As for my other parent, she refused to understand it and even now, the stubbornness still gets in the way of the potential for us to bond more than we do.

“I’ll never be able to understand how you sit around and watch all of those Housewives shows and yet I don’t judge that you do. If anything, you should be thrilled that I’m accomplishing my goals and doing something positive with my life.”

“Oh, I know you’re doing something positive with your life. I’m not disagreeing with what you do. I’ve told you many times that I’m proud of you, but you know that I’ve never been into those things. You are your father’s child in that aspect and Celeste and I relate more in terms of our interests.”

“That approach is silly though, because despite my lack of interest in a lot of the things that the both of you like or entertain yourselves with, I at least try to figure out a way to enjoy it for the sake of the both of you, but neither one of you grant me the same courtesy. I’ve offered for the both of you to come and visit Bristol and see the studios and you’ve yet to take me up on the offer. I’ve asked you guys to come to games or events, but you haven’t come. So, I stopped asking. What’s the point in wasting my time and setting myself up for disappointment?”

“Sarai, don’t be ridiculous. You really believe that I can sit through hours of a bunch of guys dribbling a ball up and down a court? I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.”

“You believe that I wanted to be a part of that purposeless and stupid debutante ball? I mean just think about how sexist and elitist the concept of it is. It’s a ball to present young ladies to the high society and most of all, to display her to eligible bachelors so that she can marry into a rich family. How shallow can you get with something like that? And yet I did it, for you. I hated every single minute of it, including Chase Williams, and his weird topics of conversation. I can’t believe you thought he and I would ever hit it off.”

“It was at that same debutante ball that your sister met her now husband.”

“Okay, so what?” I was seventeen at the time. I wasn’t worried about finding a husband. Shit, I wasn’t even concerned with a boyfriend. I didn’t date in grammar or high school. My greatest concern at the time was gaining acceptance into the undergraduate program at New York University’s Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute. I wanted it more than anything else and yet during my senior year, I juggled trying to keep my grades as close to perfect as possible while obliging her erratic decisions for me. Chase Williams being my future husband was a failure, but my acceptance into NYU was a success.

Despite journalism being my major and broadcast and multimedia being my minor, I also had to choose a second major within the College of Arts and Sciences and I ended up going with computer science and economics. If the journalism side of things didn’t work out, I planned to go in the cyber security route or I was going to get rich or die trying by trying to be the next Mark Zuckerberg. Thankfully, journalism was truly my calling. I was accepted into the honors program during the spring semester of my freshman year and was given the opportunity to work on an in-depth multimedia piece over the course of one academic year that ending up being reported on by The New York Times. Arguably the best part of my undergraduate years was six rigorous weeks of a summer program in Ghana where I worked as a foreign correspondent. It was an experience that I’ll never forget.

“I wanted you to be a part of that ball to expose you to things beyond yourself. Sports aside, you were so caught up in just you. I believed you needed to see there’s a lot more to life than balls flying all over the place and the occasional outings with your teammates.”

“Yeah, that’s what family vacations are for and even when we did those, it was never anything I liked. I asked you for Knicks game tickets and you took Celeste and I to see Carmen at the Metropolitan Opera House instead. I asked you for a ticket to the U.S. Open and you took us to see Swan Lake at the American Ballet Theater. For my birthday, you told me to pick anywhere in the U.S. to go for a family trip and I chose the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame in Massachusetts and where did we end up going? Niagara Falls.”

“You sound so ungrateful right now. This is exactly what Celeste talks about when she says that you throw silly little tantrums when you can’t get your way.”

“I’m not being ungrateful. You’re calling this a tantrum because I’m telling the truth?”

“Well, Sarai, in a lot of cases, you chose things that myself nor Celeste would enjoy so I tried to find things that I thought would interest all three of us.”

“An opera and a ballet show? For me? And even then, I didn’t even complain about it. I just figured out ways to enjoy it despite being internally angry that I couldn’t go to the places that I wanted to go. I had to get a summer job for that.”

“What about when I took you two to Disney World?”

“It was nice.” And it was. It was the first and only vacation I enjoyed.

“Okay then.”

“But, if we’re going to be technical, the only reason why I was able to see all of the things that I liked is because of auntie Shelly. I spent most of the time in the park with her.”

“Sarai, please. All that matters is we went and you enjoyed it.” In a gesture that she’s been doing in response to my complaints since I was a child, she waved me off with a roll of her eyes and turned her attention to the touch screen display on the right-side door of her brand-new Samsung refrigerator that I’d gotten her for her birthday. She threw enough hints out about the two thousand five-hundred-dollar state of the art gadget to convince me that it would be an essential part of her kitchen and I made it happen.

“Daddy would have taken me to all of those places though. That’s for sure.” I went to my first Knicks game with him. I saw my first home run at the Yankee stadium with him. We saw the Nets together back when they were still in New Jersey. We even went to a Jersey Devils game, though I wasn’t that into hockey at the time. In the summer time, we’d go stand outside the gate at the Rucker Park and watch the guys hoop while we enjoyed ice cream cones from the Mister Softee truck lingering on the corner. I had every pair of Jordans that hit the shelves and my poster collection on my bedroom walls? Unmatched.

“I’m sure he would have but he’s no longer with us and I’m not sure why you feel compelled to bring up what he would have done if he were.”

“I guess because it’s the truth.”

“Well he’s not here Sarai. I’m sorry if you don’t think I was a good enough parent for you. I had a roof over your head, I put food on the table, clothes on your back, and made sure you were in a great school. You had good birthdays and Christmas’. We went on vacations, whether you were grateful for them or not. I tried to do my best as a single parent so don’t come in here throwing it into my face what your father would have done. I did what I could and he would have been damn proud of me.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t a good enough parent. Daddy just understood me more.”

“Well guess what Sarai? He was my husband. You don’t think my time with him was cut short too? I miss him just as much as you do. While I understand that he was your everything, I don’t think he would want you to be behaving in the manner that you do. Parents bring children into the world with the expectation to raise them and then one day leave them behind to be here to make a legacy for themselves. Your father’s life was cut short, but ultimately, he was raising you to prepare for a time when death would happen. I’m not going to be around forever either.” The pitch of her voice suddenly increased as she leaned forward to align her eyes with my own.

“I attempted to break you out of that odd mold you were creating for yourself and to expose you to different things because I don’t want you to do exactly what you’re doing right now; being alone out in this world. You’re so hostile towards life itself and it’s such a horrible mentality to have. I’m surprised you’ve kept Taylor around for so long because all you do is push everyone away. You think your father would want you behaving like that? He would have given you a never-ending earful. I’m sorry that he’s no longer here Sarai, but Wesley isn’t coming back. It’s been sixteen years. You have to move on.”

The tears that were once burning my eyes, came trickling down the sides of my cheeks. Many of our conversations always end up here, with her making this point, and then dismissing any criticism that I have for her as me unfairly measuring her up to my father. It’s never been about that. I don’t believe we have a poor relationship with one another, I just know that it has the potential to be so much better than it is. It’s not even about the past, because I don’t have to bring it up, but when I do, it’s always to point out how things are still the same when it comes to her stubbornness about who I am, what I do for a living, and my interests. I’m not as extreme with my tom boyish ways as I used to be, but I’m also not a prissy girly girl either. I’m just me.

“Move on like you have?” She hasn’t. It’s been sixteen years and she’s never remarried. The government funded support groups helped with her coping skills but anything beyond that? It’s been a slow burn progress. When I do attend church with her, I see guys checking her out and smiling in her face all the time, but from her view, they may as well be speaking to a wall. She still wears her rings and his on a necklace that she always wears around her neck and there are pictures up around the house with him in them as if everything is still as normal as it was before our world came crashing down with his sudden death.

“Don’t worry about me and what I have going on. You’re still wet behind the ears with a whole lot of life ahead of you. Don’t waste your time by trying to be like me. You’d be a fool for that. Your happiness is somewhere out in the world waiting for you and it’s up to you to find it or accept it when it finds you. Dry your face.”

I could barely finish off the second slice of cake as my stomach dropped for the millionth time at the sight of the season ending injury that snapped Beckham’s ankle during their week five match up against the Chargers. The sight of him lying on the field clutching his ankle in agony as tears began to pour out of his eyes is still as gut wrenching as it was when I watched it from my couch yesterday and the many times ESPN replayed it as we reported on it this morning. It’s always disappointing to see a player injured but the manner in which it happened to him drew emotion out of me that I hadn’t expected and yet, I didn’t have enough courage to pick up the phone and check on him. I just…couldn’t.

How could I when I spent the last two weeks ignoring any form of communication that he attempted to have with me? His text messages had gone from being sweet messages wishing me a good morning and his own opinions on the segments from the show, to being filled with confusion as to why I refused to respond to him. He attempted to call me three times but I simply stared at the phone and watched it ring. I thought after the unanswered phone calls his persistence would cease, but he then reached out through a Twitter direct message where he asked me if I was alright, because he was worried. A day or so after that, I believe he’d gotten the hint that I was deliberately leaving him unanswered and he stopped.

I thought I would have successfully disappointed and discouraged him when I spoke on the conflict of interest between myself and any athletes beyond the professional setting but it all went into one ear and right out of the other, so I needed to go another route and ignoring him was that. In the midst of the necessary barrier I built between he and I, I hated that I would find myself looking at my phone in anticipation that he’d try again. I scolded myself for lying in bed wondering about him and hoping that he still watches the show. Last night, I berated myself for the tears that I shed in sympathy for what he’s going through right now.

It felt like the Giants were cursed that day. Dwayne Harris left the game with a fractured foot, Brandon Marshall and Sterling Shepard left the game with ankle sprains, and Beckham with a fibula fracture. It was somber in New York, especially for a team that wanted to redeem themselves after such a terrible season ending playoff lost in the prior season. It pained me to read off Harris being out for the season, but it completely sent my mood into a downward spiral when I had to state the same exact verdict for Beckham. As such an explosive player and someone who only gets sixteen games a season, excluding the playoffs, to play the sport that he loves, I can’t even begin to imagine his disappointment.

I spoke with Heather. When I reached out, he was still in recovery from surgery. She said it was successful and he’s okay.

I reached out to Taylor a short while ago and asked her had she heard anything about his surgery. Everything took place today at the Hospital for Special Surgery in Manhattan.

Okay, good. Thank you.

The remaining half of the additional slice of cake I was having went into the garbage. I then slipped into my jean jacket and grabbed my car keys.

“Ma, I’m leaving. I need to run somewhere right quick.”

“Will I see you this weekend?” I knew she wasn’t too far away. She was right there in the living room wrapped up into what NeNe Leakes has going on in her drama filled life.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Okay, then. Don’t catch an attitude when I call you.”

“I never do.”

As I neared the door, something within me told me to turn around, and I swiftly approached her and planted a kiss on her forehead. No matter how many disagreements we may have, that’s my mother, and I’m always going to leave her on a respectful note.

“Drive safely. Are you going to see a guy?” The gleam in her eyes instantly evoked the rolling of my eyes.

“Ma, don’t be ridiculous. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

My first stop was Scott’s Flowers, a florist I frequent when I feel like putting a brighter smile on my mother’s face or whenever an occasion calls for someone to receive flowers. They’re so familiar with my face that I don’t have to call ahead of time for most of my orders and today was of no exception. While swiftly flipping through a booklet of floral arrangements that weren’t impressive enough, I tossed it aside and opted for one hundred long stem yellow roses inside of a cylinder glass vase. In the corner of the room was an assortment of teddy bears that caught my eyes, so I chose the biggest one they had. I know if I had surgery, I’d want a teddy bear to keep me company. Scott slipped in a number of sly questions about who I was spending four hundred dollars on at this time of evening, but I avoided lying by diverting the subject matter. I considered grabbing some chocolates but I ultimately chose not to because I’m not sure if he likes it. The bottles of wine he raved about while I was on my way out of the door were pointless too. Wine can either be nice for a celebration or a painkiller for sadness, but it can’t be either for him because I’m sure he’s on a ton of actual painkillers.

“Tell Dominique I said hello.”

“Will do.” Yes, mommy’s name is Dominique. Mrs. Dominique Nicole Thomas-Nazaire. Trini to de bone.

The drive to the hospital was twenty minutes of bad nerves and conversations with myself that drowned out whatever Hot 97 had playing. I hadn’t even announced that I would be showing up and yet, here I am, in the parking lot, about to intrude on he and his family’s privacy as he recovers from surgery. I’ve always considered myself to be a thinker even though I think too damn much at times, but I didn’t spend much time taking into consideration all the things that could go wrong with this mission to do a good deed tonight. Who I am to even think that I may be able to slightly cheer him up with some tired ass flowers that’ll die within a few days, a teddy bear that his little brother will enjoy far more than he will, and two “Get Well Soon” balloons that I grabbed from a dollar store five minutes before arriving here? And I didn’t even take into account that it’s fucking me. I’m not Oprah known, but I’m known enough for people to make a narrative that is far from the truth if I’m seen here.

“You can be such a dumbass Sarai.” I panned my eyes over the parking lot. “Fuck it.”

I cleared my conscious as I slipped out of the car and retrieved all that I’d gotten for him out of the backseat. With the click of a button, I locked all of my doors and quickly trekked through the sliding doors and to the lobby’s information desk to get a pass.

“Good evening, how are you?” The short, stocky, and elderly woman warmly smiled at me while watching me manage to juggle the flowers, bear, balloons, and my purse.

“Hi. I’m well. I’m here to see Odell Beckham Jr.” 
“Are you on the list?”

Oh. My. God. See? I’m stupid. How and why didn’t I think about there being a list? He’s only one of the most high-profile athletes in the whole fucking world.

“Um, I’m not sure.” I’m not. Obviously.

“What’s your name? Also, I have to note that visiting hours are ending soon.”

“Sarai. Sarai Nazaire.” Great. Just great.

As her fingers went to tapping away at the keyboard, I began to strategize my escape plan so that I won’t suffer in embarrassment when she tells me that my name isn’t there. While on my way out, I’ll trash all of this, because they’re obviously not going to make sure all of this gets upstairs to him due to it being a security risk.

“Sarai?” I couldn’t mistake that voice. As my head twisted to the left, Heather stopped squinting her eyes and brightly smiled at my presence. God decided to be gracious towards me today. I definitely have to go to church this Sunday with mommy. I’m not going to use cramps as a poor excuse like I did yesterday. My period ended Saturday. Lord, forgive me please.

“Hey Heather.” She adjusted the strap on her Chanel bag while approaching me and immediately engulfed me into a hug. Much like her son, I don’t know how anyone can ever become angry with this woman. She’s just one big ball of positivity.

“I’m so glad to see you. O’s going to be so happy you’re here.”

“They said that visiting hours are ending soon.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. We’re in good standing with the surgeon. Once you’re upstairs, no one’s going to bother you. I stayed here all night long last night.”

“How is he?”

“He’s alright. He’s in good spirits even though he’s in both mental and physical pain. I know that sounds like it doesn’t make sense, but it does to me. He could be a lot of worse, you know? As I told him, it’s a minor setback for a major comeback.”

“That’s true.”

“And the surgery went extremely well. The fix is as perfect as it’s going to get so I can feel a lot of weight being lifted off of my shoulders and his, even though he’s not going to admit that right now. He has a long road ahead of him before full recovery and of course him getting back to the athletic O that we all know and love, but the fact of the matter is that he’s going to recover. There are people who do not, so he’s blessed.”

“I’m so glad to hear that. When I saw his ankle bend like that, I literally yelped out loud.”

“Oh, so did I. I just about had a heart attack. Thank God I was here. My nerves would have been shot to hell had I been back home.”

“Were you leaving?”

“Yeah, I’m going to head back to the house to freshen up and get a bit of rest. He sent everyone else home about an hour ago. I was the last one hanging around. He claims everyone needs to go and chill out for a bit, but honestly, I think he was tired of the crowd being in the room. He couldn’t get much rest himself with everyone hovering over him and doing all of that talking.”

“Oh my gosh, well then, maybe I can just have this sent up and I’ll just head out. If he’s trying to rest, I don’t want to disturb him.”

“Oh no. Don’t be silly. Please go up, I insist. Even if it’s just for a few minutes, I know he’ll be happy you came by.”

“Okay.” Maybe I’ll stick around for ten minutes.

“I should be back first thing in the morning. Oh, and thank you so much for the words of encouragement you spoke this morning for he and the other wide receivers who were injured yesterday. You’re so awesome Sarai. Truly.” Yet again we were hugging.

“Oh, there’s no need to thank me. I hate to see players get injured. It’s awful.”

“Yes, it is. They’ll be alright though. I just try to think positive. I grabbed him a light dinner earlier because he’s not fond of the hospital’s food and he has some snacks up there too, so he should be okay. He knows to call me if he needs me. You can also call me if anything comes up. You have my number.”

“Yes, I do. I’ll be sure to call.”

“Alright then. I’ll see you soon. Have a good night.”

“Goodnight.”

As she walked away, I realized that she hadn’t given the receptionist clearance for me to be able to go upstairs.

Shit.

“Sarai right? I placed your laminated pass right there. I just need you to step back a bit so that I can take a picture with the camera and print one out.”

“Oh, everything is okay?” My brows raised in confusion.

“Of course. Your name is there.” She said it so nonchalantly, it almost went over my head that my name was indeed on his visitor’s list. I’m sure the picture she took looked foolish and that was confirmed once she passed it to me. How is my name already on the list?

“He’s on the fourth floor. The room is on your pass. The elevators are right over there to the right.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Flutters filled my core as the elevator ascended to the fourth floor. The feeling worsened as I stood in front of the closed door to his private room.

What will I say? If he saw this morning’s episode, then I don’t want to be repetitive with the words of encouragement. Then again, does he even want to hear that? I know I wouldn’t want to hear the cliché “it’ll be okay” after being told I won’t be able to play for the rest of the season. That’s not okay. Maybe I won’t say anything and I’ll just listen. After so much disappointment and a surgery, who wouldn’t want to vent? Either way, I came all this way, so I might as well go through with this. I’ll kick myself in the ass later on when I’m back home.

“Beckham?” I poked my head into the room. There was silence. As he lay there in bed, he stared up at the ceiling in deep thought until I interrupted him.

“Sarai?” He cleared his throat to rid it of some of the rasp as I stepped into the room and allowed the door to close behind myself. Our eyes instantly met and the glossiness within them sunk my mood even further. I could tell he hadn’t been crying but it was clear that the weight of all that had happened to him over the last twenty-four hours was on his shoulders like a ton of bricks and right now, within this moment, he feels something he typically never feels for himself; helpless.

“Yes, it’s me.”

“Wow. Flowers?” A bit of gleam filled his eyes and he chuckled at the sight of all of the yellowness in my hands. As I glanced around the room, I noticed a ton of balloons, two gift baskets filled with chocolate, but no flowers. “I’ve never received flowers before.”

“Really?”

“No.”

“Is it a bad thing?”

“Of course not. I’m flattered, honestly.” I found a nice spot near the window to place them down, so they’d be able to receive a good amount of sunlight and I placed the teddy bear on the couch just near the window.

“I figured I’d get them in yellow to bring some brightness around here. I don’t care what they look like; all hospitals are dull and glum to me. You don’t need that kind of energy around you right now. You want to hug the bear?”

“A hug from you sounds better.” It felt like someone punched a hole into my chest and knowingly squeezed my lungs once he said that. The hesitance was clear as my feet remained just about glued to the floor for a few seconds but I eventually began to inch my way over to his awaiting arms and laid my upper frame on top of his. With him laying down, I was only able to grip both of his arms as he wrapped his drawn-out arms around my body and pulled me close. The beating our hearts synced and somehow, I felt more alive than I did at any point during this befuddling day. A laziness filled me as the warmth of his body relaxed mine and the enthralling scent of his cologne coerced my eyes to close as we basked in the moment. The feeling his fingers lightly pressing into my back informed me of just how much he needed to be embraced and if that could give him just the slightest bit of comfort through this, I’m am willing to give him as many hugs as it takes.

“I ran into your mom. She said the surgery was a success.”

“Yeah, the doctor claims all is well. I have a long road ahead of me though.” Despite me sitting up to be able to look at his alluring face, I was still wrapped up within his arms.

“It takes about six weeks for bones to heel, but there’s a possibility it can be longer. We’ll just have to pace it. For the next four to six weeks I really have to chill out and keep my weight off of it as much as possible. They’re going to put me on a pain management protocol so I won’t be so dependent on the opioid medications which is great for me because I hate how all of that shit is making my body feel. I’m going to be in a splint when I get out here and I have to basically sit on my ass and elevate it ninety percent of the day. In about two weeks, he’ll take the sutures out and then I’ll get one of those boots that you can take on and off. I’ll be able to start slightly moving the ankle then and taking showers. They’ll do an x-ray in six to seven weeks to see how well the bone healed and if all is well then, I’ll be able to start putting weight on it and doing physical therapy.”

“Well, at least you really listened to all that he had to say.” I had to laugh at the way he easily listed off the way his life is going to be for the next month and a half. He didn’t sound enthusiastic about it whatsoever, but he’s certainly well informed.

“Well, yeah I did. I can’t take not being on my feet for so long. All of that sitting around is going to drive me insane.”

“It doesn’t have to. Now is a good time for you to find other things to entertain yourself with.”

“You know what’s crazy? Remember when I said to you that I was praying to God for more time to do things that are beyond the football field like spending time with my family, friends, and the dogs? Now look.”

“Well, I don’t think God decided to grant you that wish by snapping your ankle, but at least you’ll be able to gain some perspective about life in the midst of this.”

“Everyone keeps telling me that it’s going to be alright. Minor setback for a major comeback.”

“Well, I’m not going to tell you that.” His hands trailed down my back as he frowned in confusion in the same manner that I had been doing downstairs.

“What do you mean?”

“You snapped your ankle. You’re lying in a hospital bed. Despite what everyone is telling you, that’s not what you feel. This feels fucked up and pretty shitty. You’re out for the season and now you have to watch your team fight for victories without you. That feels even worse. So right now, it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be alright because it’s still all so fresh and you have the right to feel that way. Be angry, frustrated, hell, even cry if you want to. It’s alright to have those emotions because this isn’t easy. There will come a time when you do feel like everything’s going to be alright, but tonight isn’t it…and that’s okay.”

I don’t know how anyone uses those ridiculous and yet absolutely insulting adjectives such as diva, asshole, little girl, and selfish to describe this man. The majority of the time we see him, he’s covered up in a uniform and is defined by the number on the back of his jersey. For sixty minutes, people create so many false narratives of who he is based upon passionate responses on the field and his will to win. It’s beyond unjust because the person that I’ve come to know is charming, compassionate, and has elements of shyness within him. He’s composed, observant, and aware. He has a keen eye for detail, listens intently, and thinks before he speaks. He carries himself with his head held high and brings about an energy into any room he steps into unlike any other. He puts smiles on people’s faces, tells the silliest jokes to lighten the mood, and shows genuine concern for the well-being of others. He’s unique; a one of a kind Baton Rouge born royal who has made his mark and is continuing to do so no matter what negativity his naysayers speak.

“Thank you for that, Sarai.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to explain yourself if you don’t want to. I’m just curious.” And suddenly I wanted him to let me go. I hate that he could easily feel the nervousness within my now tense fame. To soothe me, he ran one of his ridiculously huge palms up and down my back.

“Yeah?”

“Why’d you ignore me? Did I do something wrong?”

“No. You didn’t do anything wrong. Beckham, you don’t understand.”

“Help me understand.”

“This can’t…” It was me who broke his embrace as the door suddenly cracked open. With one step, I dashed backwards to create some space between the bed and myself.

“Mr. Beckham, it’s time for your final round of medication for the night. You should be able to sleep with this one. Are you feeling any pain?”

“Nah not really. The only thing I’m feeling is flips in my stomach and chills from all of the medication.”

“Yeah, those are typical side effects, especially because we’re giving it to you intravenously. Usually when medication is going straight through the vein it can cause you to have slight jitters, chills, possible anxiety, or it feels like there’s this rush happening within your body. I promise we’re not going to give you anything that is dangerous for you. We’re just trying to keep your pain under control. Remember you had surgery today.”

“I know.”

“At least your girlfriend is here to keep you company. She’ll keep your mind off of it until you fall asleep.” My mouth fell agape at her assumption and he giggled like a young school boy as she viewed his chart.

“That’s true.” If I didn’t have any sense, I would have beamed my phone at his head.

“So, this is morphine and your antibiotic. This should last you throughout the night, but I’ll be in to check on you. Do you have to use the bathroom?” She began to check his pulse and blood pressure.

“Nope, because I’m not going in that bed pan again.”

“Beckham, don’t be stubborn.” I had to butt in. He’s in here for an ankle fracture and he’ll be back for a damaged bladder if he holds his urine due to being too prideful.

“I actually don’t have to go.”

“Are you sure? Why don’t we try? I’ll get a pan.”

“I’ll step outside.” Their conversation was officially shifting into a privacy territory.

“You don’t have to step outside.” Beckham found her responses to be all too funny as I widened my eyes in disbelief. Uh, I absolutely do have to step outside and I’ll be stepping outside of the building if she continues with these assumptions.

“Nurse Meghan, I really don’t have to go. I’m okay.”

“What about number two? Have you had the urge yet?” And then it quickly became my turn to laugh at him as he frowned his face up in sheer embarrassment at such a question.

“No.”

“That’s normal. It may take a day or two for your bowels to open up but if it’s any longer than that we’ll give you a mild laxative to fix that problem.”

“I doubt I’ll need that.”

“We’ll see. Hopefully you won’t. Your blood pressure is great. I’ll check your temperature, insert your medicine through the IV, and you should be good to go. You need anything else for the night? I already showed you how to work the television. On the remote is a button for you to press to call the nurse’s station and I’ll be right here to assist you. You have water right over there if you want it. You want any extra pillows or blankets?”

“Nah. My mom brought me some from home so that I could be comfortable. I’m straight.” He lifted his tongue for the thermometer and within a few seconds she was jotting down his temperature.

“All normal. If anything should change, you know how to reach me.” I’m not sure why but my eyes followed her every move as she worked with the IV to properly insert the liquid within both syringes into the line. She was gentle enough to make sure she didn’t irritate his arm and the vein by pulling on or adjusting it.

“I do.”

“Alright then, I’ll check on you in a bit Mr. Beckham.”

And yet again, we were left alone. His eyes hadn’t panned back up to the ceiling like they were before I intruded on his thinking. Instead, they were directly on me while I leaned against the wall.

“You’re going to go to sleep soon, so I’m going to get out of here. You need your rest.”

“I don’t want you to go.” Why does he say all of the things that men don’t say but actually need to say?

“You’re going to fall asleep within the next ten minutes or so.”

“I’ll fight it. I want to talk to you.”

“You’re so stubborn.”

“I won’t fall asleep. Just stay for a little while longer.” How can I deny someone laying in a hospital bed?

“Okay.”

“So, I watched clips from today’s show on my phone. I couldn’t see the whole episode because I was in recovery and still under the anesthesia when it was on. Scott wasn’t there today, which made the show even better.” My laughter was louder than it should have been because that is one of my co-hosts after all, but gosh, he peeves so many people. There’s one side of him that deliberate does it for the sake of sparking debates and the other side is actually just his personality coming out to shine, often times, in the worst ways. He can be condescending, over exaggerated, and a large majority his sentiments causes our viewers to unleashed full on rants about him on social media but he is who he is and he’s yet to say anything controversial enough to be removed from the show. His disdain for Beckham, Tom Brady, Lebron James, and Antonio Brown never falters. We’ve all learned not to take him seriously whatsoever because if he were to meet any one of the three, he’d never keep that same energy in their faces.

“Yeah, Scott went on vacation with his girlfriend.”

“I see the way he looks at you. I think he likes you.”

“He does.” He flirts, he’s asked me out for drinks once, and his compliments can be overkill. I’m not interested nor will I ever be.

“You’re out of his league. He should know better than that.” Though he attempted to suppress it, I noticed the yawn and the way he attempted to pull the covers up over his body. I decided to help. If I felt the chill within the room, I’m sure it feels worse for him.

“How’s that?” I covered him up to the top of his shoulders.

“It’s great, thank you. So back to what I was saying, he’s out of your league.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. I’m sure he knows it too.”

“So, who’s in my league?”

“No one.”

“No one?” I didn’t expect that answer. I figured he’d throw in some joke about it being him. He’s good for a flirtatious moment.

“No one. You’re definitely in a league of your own, but I’m trying to work my way up to bring drafted in. With the first and only pick in the 2017 Sarai Nazaire draft, Sarai selects Odell Beckham Jr. from Baton Rouge, Louisiana and the New York Giants.”

“Shut up!” I knew it was coming. We roared in laughter because of that. He wouldn’t be himself without inserting some kind of joke into the mix.

“Sarai, you know after this you can’t ignore me ever again, right? You bought me flowers, a teddy bear, and balloons. You told me I could be as mad as I want. You were about to help me use the bed pan.”

“Oh, no I wasn’t.” The only way I would have done that is if it were truly an emergency and the hospital had not a single nurse within reach of him.

“Yeah, you were. You tucked me in. All that’s left for you to do is kiss me and then we can start talking about the rest of our lives together.”

“Go to sleep Beckham.”

“You go to sleep Nazaire.” This yawn came with his heavy eyelids struggling to stay open so that he could focus on me. He didn’t have the strength to say anything more. I looked on as he eventually drifted into the deep slumber that he was fighting against and the light snoring was a clear sign that he’d be out for the night.

The reclining chair directly next to the bed had a pillow and blanket neatly folded up in its seat and on the opposite side of the room was the couch. I had options and yet I chose to remain nearby. I’m going to assume this is where Heather slept. She did a nightshift last night, so I’ll do one tonight.

I gently lifted the yellow beanie hat covering his head just a bit and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. I, then, gave him a second one for good measure. As my eyes panned down to his slightly pouting lips, I mentally scolded myself for momentarily craving to feel them against my own. The man is laying in a hospital bed and yet I’m consumed with my own childish and temporary fantasies.

I kicked off my sneakers and curled up into the chair. I didn’t expect it to be comfortable but it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The cushion is soft enough to keep my back and bottom without aches throughout the night.

Lastly, I covered myself in the blanket smothered with his scent and propped up the pillow that smelled just the same right under my head.

“Sweet dreams, O.”

Within a half an hour, I was having sweet dreams of my own.

[raiswanson]

The Loving Seal shorts #3: Swells (Kaelan PoV)

(Halfway through the months and the shorts now!! I’m so glad people seem to be enjoying the selkie babies ❤️❤️❤️  It means a lot to me that you all love Kae and Nyv too)

This short is three of six, and actually the second one I wrote last March! I think it shows but ah, it’s for fun This time our selkie pups are a little older but there’s still a few things to work out ;)

(This short is a little over 3k words long)

I waited in my hiding place as another squeal rang through the water. That was one more down. How many were still hiding? Me and...two others? I tried to remember how many of us were swimming around in the kelp-ridden cove, and how many times I’d heard someone else get discovered.

The kelp swishing past the tiny alcove I’d wedged into moved sharply, and I froze. The last squeal had been close. Did that mean—

“GOT YOU!”

Nyvina’s shout was my only warning before she rocketed through the floating green and crashed right into me, sending us both spinning through the current as I added my own cry of alarm to the tally.

“Stop picking the same spot, Kae! You’re so bad at this!” she chided as she barreled away toward Aksel as he bolted from his place and tried to flee.

I answered with a disgruntled series of bubbles as her tail vanished into the kelp, then surfaced to catch my breath. The game wouldn’t last much longer now. Aksel would never outpace Nyvina, and she’d sniff out the last of us in no time. Bobbing in the waves, I peered over at the others around me and as I was ticking off who’d been found Aksel joined us with a whining croak.

It wasn’t long before Nyvina joined us too, preening gleefully as we turned scowls her way.

“It isn’t my fault none of you know how to hide. Pick better places if you don’t want me to catch you,” she scoffed, splashing water at our faces.

“There’s only so many places to choose in this cove, seaweed-breath,” Aksel answered, earning a hard headbutt for speaking up.

“We could try the West cove instead? The currents aren’t too bad today, so the rocks won’t be a problem,” I offered, making all but Nyvina look to me in horror.

“What, no! That’s too far!”

“Geez, Kae, do you want to be shark food?”

“I’m not allowed to go over there...”

“Sure. That’s a great idea.” Everyone looked to Nyvina like she’d lost her mind, but I chirped happily at the praise. I’d expected her to shoot the idea down as stupid, but she looked genuinely interested.

My mood dampened slightly when the others continued to resist it though.

“If you two want to go get smashed up on the rocks do ahead I guess. I’m going back to the pod.”

“Yeah, you two are crazy. I’m gonna see what my ma is doing.”

“I’m tired anyway. Gonna take a nap.”

Excuses were filed out as each head popped back below the water and everyone swam back for the pod’s beach, until the only ones left were me, Nyvina, and Laicy. Laicy had been the last one caught, so I supposed she was feeling rather brave, and the three of us bid good riddance to our fellow selkie pups and made our way for the West cove brimming with confidence.

As I’d thought, the cove was calmer than usual and riddled with hiding spots, and I proudly darted from place to place as the others voiced their surprise over it. Once we’d done a quick sweep to find choice nooks and crannies to burrow into Nyvina was chosen to play seeker again, and Laicy flipped past me as our friend swam for the surface to count down.

“Don’t let her catch you so easy this time, Kae. There’s not enough of us this time for her to pretend she doesn’t know where you are,” she called with a giggle, shaking her head when I gave her a bewildered look. She thought I was losing on purpose? It wasn’t my fault Nyvina was so good at hide and seek! I was doing my best!

Outraged, I darted to the sandy floor and burrowed under a bed of coral, determined to be discovered last this time.

I wasn’t.

Nyvina found me first for the next four rounds, and when it was Laicy’s turn to seek I didn’t fare much better. I’d given up at being good at the game and was “hiding” in a large cluster of kelp when it occurred to me I hadn’t been found in a while. Certain it wasn’t because I’d suddenly become harder to find, I poked my head into the open water and peered around to see what the hold up was just in time to see Laicy whipping by.

“Go! We need to go!” she said urgently before darting off and around to the edge of the cove.

Puzzled, I poked out further and watched her bubbles disperse, then looked back the way she’d come in time to see a large, familiar black and white shape coasting through the kelp deeper in the water.

I froze.

Orca.

Much, much too close to be outrun.

The half a lung of air I had left suddenly felt like it wouldn’t last another three seconds, and I remained frozen in place as the black and white flickers shifted, revealing two shapes gliding through the green. They hadn’t seen me yet, somehow, but it wouldn’t be long before they broke the kelp wall and saw me poking into plain sight.

I would have remained there until the giant creatures were upon me if I hadn’t been moved by a solid impact to my chest sending me careening toward the rock wall. Nyvina headbutted me again as I struggled to right myself, and before I knew it I’d been slammed into the bottom of a shallow crevice in the jagged rock, tucked behind a few thin strands of waving seaweed. She followed behind me as I was jammed into place, squishing herself over me to wedge into the hiding spot with me. Her claws gripped tight into my fur, and I stared wide-eyed past the swishing seaweed.

The orcas were in open water now. Drifting right by where I’d been seconds ago. One turned as it passed the spot, veering in Nyvina and I’s direction, and I hunkered lower with a tremor shaking through me. As it drew closer Nyvina set her head on mine, and we watched as it meandered by the rock wall.

It knew we were here. It had to. It had seen us, and was looking for where we’d gone.

It loomed closer, and as it floated by its body blocked out the light, filling our hiding spot with darkness. I could see into its eyes as the seaweed shifted, and in a heart-stopping instant saw the moment it sighted the seals tucked away in the rock.

“Stay here,” Nyvina hissed before darting out into the water right past the behemoth’s nose. My claws dug into the rock as the orca pumped its tail and gave chase. They vanished into the kelp, and I shivered as I found myself alone in the water, held frozen by bubbling memories.

“Stay hidden, sweet one. We’ll keep you safe,” Mama’s voice echoed, making me dig my claws into the rock with a whimper. I missed that voice. So soft and caring and beautiful. Right until the end.

Until she’d screamed, and screamed, and finally gone quiet forever.

The sea around me took on a red haze as horrible visions blurred in my mind, and I buried my face in my fins, telling myself it was all over. Mama and Papa were gone. Everyone was gone. But I was here. Nyvina was—no. Nyvina was still here, but she’d...

She’d told me to stay. Nyvina always knew best, like Mama had. She was smart. I would stay. I would do what she’d said. I would.

But as seconds ticked by all I wanted to do was help her. How though? What could I possibly do? She was faster than me. Cleverer. Smaller and more maneuverable. If anything I’d be in the way, and I’d get us both killed. But still…

More seconds passed, and with a timid bubble of air I forced my flippers to release the rocks and pushed out into the open water. These were orcas. Nyvina was amazing, but she was still just a selkie. And she was only here because of my idea. I’d never be able to bear it if she got hurt, especially not if it would be all my fault. I had to make sure she was alright. I had to. I’d keep my distance and move carefully, but I was going to make sure she’d made it to safety. I couldn’t hide away again. I didn’t ever want to hear Nyvina scream like Mama had.

Just a short distance from the kelp forest I came across a scene that made me glad I’d disobeyed. I peeked out from the green to see the orcas circling in the water beneath a small iceberg, heads popping up every few seconds to peer at something on top of it. I didn’t need to think hard to imagine what that something was.

Still, I drifted backward and raised myself to the surface anyway, taking a cautious gasp of air and raising my head just enough to see the above world. Sure enough, Nyvina’s spotted body was sprawled out in the center of the ice, splayed to hold her position as the orcas kicked up waves to try shaking her off. She was trapped.

I dipped back below and tried to think of a way to help. Nyvina hadn’t meant to go there. She was too smart for that. She’d had a plan. It hadn’t worked out, but she’d had one. What had it been? Trying to think through a plan like hers made my head hurt, but I tried anyway and slowly poked my head back up to look around again. She wouldn’t have tried to outrun them. She must have had a goal. What?

Casting my gaze around, I sighted a shore on a nearby island, long and sandy and full of inlets. Perfect shallow pools no orca could feasibly launch out at you from. Not quickly. They’d have to beach themselves, and on human legs escaping would be a joke. Was that what she’d been planning? It was close enough to be reasonable.

It was the best I had, and I knew I didn’t have time to find anything better before one of the circling orcas manged to shake Nyvina from her perch and tear her apart in front me. Shaking at the thought, I braced myself and took a few deep breaths to steady myself, then waited for one of the black and white heads to breach before loosing a loud howl.

I saw Nyvina’s head shoot up before I splashed beneath the water, but couldn’t take the time to look back at her as both orcas vocalized and gave chase. I shot straight for the shore I’d seen, aiming for the nearest inlet and praying I’d given myself enough space to make it there in time. Kelp and seaweed slapped my face on my bolting swim, but I welcomed it as opposed to sharp teeth digging into my flippers or sides.

Just a little farther. It hadn’t been far. The shore was right there…

A pitched cry right on my back put an extra burst of speed into me right as I hit the slope of the sand, and in a desperate dive I shot for the surface. I ripped out of my skin while still in midair, tumbling to the ground in a clumsy human heap, but clawed and scrabbled to keep moving forward as I heard loud splashes behind me.

Frustrated clicking followed me up the beach as I stumbled and crawled, but when I didn’t feel teeth catching my feet to flip and slam me into the ground I laughed hysterically and wheeled around to look back. The larger of the two was only a few lengths away, glaring at me as it seemed to consider trying to wiggle toward me out of spite, but when I took a few more steps backward it whistled and began wriggling back for the water as the other sprayed and watched from the shallows.

Safe but still terrified, I staggered further back and collapsed, letting my gaze go to the water to seek out the iceberg. It was empty. Good. With both orcas in sight I knew she’d made it to safety, wherever she’d gotten off to.

About ten seconds later, “wherever” turned out to be the very beach I sat on. I was still catching my breath and working shakes out of my system when Nyvina burst from the water and rushed toward me in human form. Her dark gray eyes were stormy and angry, and I knew I was in for it, but I couldn’t help admire her as she approached. She walked so smoothly, like she’d done it her whole life. Sure-footed and steady.

I beamed up at her heavily spotted form as she stood in front of me with her fists clenched at her sides. She flipped her wild curtain of black hair aside to ensure I witnessed the full—admittedly terrifying, but still lovely—expression of rage on her face, then stood at full height and kicked sand in my eyes.

“What were you thinking?! Do you know how close you were to being lunch, you idiot?! Why did you come out of hiding?!” she shouted, scuffing more sand until I coughed and rolled to my feet to squint down at her.

“I was worried about you. I didn’t want you to get hurt,” I replied, making her jerk back.

“I didn’t want you hurt either, stupid! That was dangerous! You aren’t fast enough to outswim an orca! Or good enough at hiding to avoid them! I thought I was going to have to watch them— I thought you were going to—” Snapping her mouth shut, Nyvina swallowed and calmed herself, giving me a gentle punch in the arm. “I wanted to protect you, Kae. I was scared. I don’t want to see anything happen to you. I don’t even want to see anything almost happen.”

“Why?” I blurted, blinking in surprise at the soft tone. That was a sound I didn’t usually hear from the feisty selkie—I knew she was kind, but she rarely let that part out these days.

Heart hammering, I waited expectantly as she wrinkled her spotty nose and gave my arm another punch, saying, “Because I like you.” Her face exploded with color as the words left her mouth, and I grinned widely back at her.

She scowled back, and her face darkened even more when I replied, “I like you too, Nivvie.”

“You like everybody, Kae,” she scoffed, arms crossing.

I shook my head and continued to grin, filling with a thrill even better than finding the perfect current to ride into a huge school of fish. “Not the way I like you,” I answered, feeling my breathing quicken when she stared back and words began bubbling out of my mouth. “It’s different with you. You make everything warm, and I look forward to seeing you every day, and I love watching you hunt, and you’re just so amazing to be around and talk to and—”

I stopped, seeing she was still staring at me, and lowered my gaze to fiddle with my fingers as I realized I’d gotten carried away. “Sorry, it’s just...I’ve...been thinking about it for a while. And I just wanted to tell you, I really…really like you, Vina. A lot. A whole lot. I think I want—”

Nyvina stopped me by stepping forward and catching my face in her hands, pulling me down into a kiss that turned my already-clumsy legs into jellyfish. I froze in place trying to keep myself upright, staring forward as Nyvina closed her eyes and held me close, and my mouth hung open when she stepped away.

“Oh.”

The wonder in my voice made Nyvina catch a few curls of her hair and twirl them, and she gazed into the eyes of my sealskin with her face still red. “...I like you a lot too Kae. I always have,” she mumbled, looking up with a jump when I loosed a relieved sigh and slumped further.

“Oh, thank goodness. I wasn’t sure if you did! I kind of worried that I annoyed you because you’re usually so cool and confident and amazing and I know I talk a lot and get excited and—oh. Sorry. Um. Anyway, I wasn’t sure if I should say anything or...I wasn’t sure if you actually wanted me around or if you were just putting up with me because you’re nice...”

Nyvina’s brow creased, and she nodded sternly. “Of course I do. You’re wonderful, Kae. How could I not? I’ve liked you since you joined the pod. You’ve always been my favorite,” she said, eyes widening when I beamed back with my heart leaping up into my throat.

I watched her with my stomach flopping as her face darkened, blinking when she reached a shaky hand to touch my cheek. It was a softer touch than the last, and very comfortable, and she gulped when I leaned into it with a soft purr. Her hand steadied as she stroked the side of my face, fingers tracing the scars there, and I reveled in the pleasant contact as she coughed to clear her throat.

“You never annoy me, Kae. I like hearing your voice. And you’re cute when you’re excited. You don’t need to apologize for that,” she told me gruffly, letting out a quiet “eep” when I stepped forward to bundle her in my arms and croon into her sea of hair.

“That’s because my great-grandfather was a siren. Nice voices run in the family, I told you,” I teased, laughing when she thumped my arm.

“Kae,” she warned, even as her hand slid to touch my back instead, more tenderly. “I mean it though. You’ve never annoyed me.” She paused, sighing, and added, “Not for being excited at least. Maybe when you do something dumb. Like try to make yourself into orca bait.”

I grinned into her hair and held her tighter, peeking over her head to look out at the water. “Speaking of, you think they’re gone yet?”

Nyvina snorted. “Doubtful. We should probably wait here a while until they get bored and find something else to chase.”

“So what should we do while we wait?” I asked.

Humming, Nyvina raised her head to look up at me, resting her chin on my chest as she blinked slow. “I don’t know. What do you feel like doing, Kae?” she asked, hands slipping under my sealskin to curl around my waist.

We stood there holding each other in silence, gazes locked, until I let go to touch her chin and croon out, “I wouldn’t mind more kissing.”

Nyvina’s mouth split into a wonderful smile and she caught my hand in hers to weave our fingers together. She pressed her lips to my palm and peeled away to swing our joined arms.

“Hmm. I think I could go for something like that. Okay siren boy, how about you sing for us on the way over to those rocks, and we’ll see how we’re feeling when we get there?” she suggested, beaming back at me when I laughed and launched into the first song to come to mind as she gave my hand a tug and led us along the sandy shore.

[purplesurveys]

1172

survey by pandaphant

Who's your favorite comedian? Sindhu Vee, probably. But that’s only counting the fact that I’ve only seen two of her skits. Out of all the acts I’ve seen, she’s the one who’s made me laugh the loudest so far, though.

Aren't you sick of all the *Are We Alike?* surveys? I’m not sick of them. I just think they’re too easy and fast to take so I like elaborating my answers so that I can still get a little ~reflective~ while taking that kind of survey.

Do you think there's anything you did better, when you were younger? Physical activities. I had a better stamina for jump roping and running when I was younger, and I was also a lot more flexible; I used to be able to bend all the way backwards and also have my toes reach my head while on my stomach.

Would you take the advice you give others? I usually don’t. I find that I’m better at giving advice than actually following through with them.

What did you have for lunch yesterday? I just had my leftover sushi. I didn’t want to eat all 24 that I ordered from the other night in one go, so I saved a little more than half of it for yesterday.

What's one thing that you would change about yourself physically? I’d go for the obvious and have my front teeth straightened, so I can finally stop feeling conscious about it.

What song has made you cry? Life Goes On by BTS.

How would you define success? Accomplishment of something for which I could be proud of myself.

Who was the craziest teacher you've ever had? Ironically, it was my Christianity teacher in grade school. Crazy old man who flipped out and humiliated students who didn’t bring their own box of crayons to school, and he also made me feel sexually violated when I encountered him shortly after my high school graduation. 

Do you think the Earth will face an apocalypse one day? I don’t think so.

What's the last thing you got paid to do? Work.

What's the one thing you could eat everyday? Sushi.

What do you hate about yourself? How frugal I can be, especially towards myself. Buy yourself nice things sometimes, @robyn hahahaha

What's your favorite alcoholic drink? Long Island Iced Tea. Or tequila.

Are you hyper today? No, but I was yesterday for Bang Bang Con haha. It was my first BTS event as a new fan and I had so much fun :(

Does Bzoink need an upgrade? I don’t mind what it looks like now. I don’t think they ever changed it ever since I first started visiting the site in 2009 anyway, and I’ve already gotten used to the layout. It’s easy enough to navigate.

Do you have a Millsberry account? No. I’m not sure I even know what that is.

Do you have a Neopets account? I didn’t, but I had an offline Neopets game on one of my old phones that I liked to play as a kid.

What's your life philosophy? I don’t really follow a specific one and let it serve as a guide all my actions. I just do whatever I think is right and what would help both me and the people around me.

What was the last thing you talked to your friends about? Angela and I were just talking about BTS lol. She was the one who reeled me in :((

If you are interested in going out with someone, what do you do? I simply like staying physically close to them and doing nice things for them. I’m not very expressive when it comes to this; I just let my actions speak for themselves.

Do you ever go to the beach? Yeah, of course. I love the beach. I’ve been aching for a trip for well over a year.

Would you rather have a cup of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate? Coffee.

How's your hair looking right now? I washed it last night, so it looks okay.

What's something your mother always says? Well these days, she always reminds us to spray alcohol and disinfectant spray every time a delivery for someone in the family arrives. Which is an understandable thing to nag us about.

What's something your dad always says? He doesn’t really have a catchphrase, though these days he does like sharing about the funny or educational videos he’s been seeing on TikTok.

What's your favorite thing to wear? Tank tops or airy oversized shirts.

Have you ever had a near-death experience? Nope.

What do you order at Starbucks? Grande iced caramel macchiato + whatever pastry they have that I happen to be in the mood for.

What kind of exercise do you enjoy? Taking a walk with my dogs.

What's the worst injury you've ever had, and what was it from? The infection/wound I got from when I went snorkeling without flippers and ended up grazing my left foot against coral reefs one too many times.

Do you still have any of your childhood toys? If so, what? Nope, my mom threw them all out as I grew up and when we moved in to our current house.

Did you have a Precious Moments colouring book? No, I’m also not sure what that is.

Don't you miss being 13? No, puberty wasn’t exactly a fun time as there was a lot of emotional turmoil happening.

How'd you react to receiving your very first pimple? I didn’t keep a journal entry or anything from that day but I would imagine I was surprised and horrified.

Are you spoiled? Only when it’s deserved. My parents have stopped buying things for me since I now earn for myself, but back when I was younger I will say I was the most pampered out of us siblings. That said, I still made sure I worked hard for whatever it is I was asking from them, like promising them straight As for a quarter or semester in class.

What's your favorite day of the week? Friday.

What room of your house do you spend the most time in? My own. I’m back to working there again since I’ve started to find the dining room noisy.

Do you believe in the death penalty? Only for extreme offenses.

Do you have MSN, Yahoo, or Skype? I don’t have accounts on any of these.

What is your biggest turn-on? Continued from...sometime last weekend? I think? Thighs or fingers.

If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? I’d rather be in a not-stuck-in-a-pandemic world altogether, to be honest.

Do you ever have any problems just *moving on*? At first, because I hate change and try to resist it as much as I can. Assessing myself in the last few months though, it looks like I’m much better at moving on with my life as I thought.

Do you collect anything? I collect BTS merch now...my collection is gradually getting bigger hahaha. I currently have all 7 of their Cold Brew Lattes, then I recently placed an order for their most recent album. Once I finish all the coffee I’ll move on to the Hot Brew ones, then I plan to buy 1-2 albums per month until I complete my collection, then move on to the DVDs, magazines, and other novelty merch. ZERO REGRETS

If you saw a shooting star, what would you wish on it? Sustained happiness.

Do you like rollercoasters? I’ve never ridden one and I don’t plan to.

What's the most romantic thing you've ever done for someone else? Get them a customized locket/necklace. Either that or make a video compiling greetings and photos with friends when I had no clue how to edit videos and had to learn from scratch.

How do you celebrate Halloween? I don’t strictly observe it, but when I do it’s usually because someone else organizes a party for it. Last year my company had a Halloween party, then the year before that Rita’s sister invited us to their college party, etc.

Who is your favorite villain? Gus Fring from Breaking Bad.

Do you have a favorite coloring book artist? I have a couple of Steve McDonald coloring books; I like his works because they’re gigantic and yet super detailed. Keeps me occupied (if I ever do color) :)

How many pairs of shoes do you own? Idk, I think around 10 would be a safe guess.

Have you ever wanted to model? I did, back in middle school. That was when VSFS was still a thing and I had wanted to be like those girls lol.

When you want to unwind, how do you relax? Light up a scented candle, take surveys, and, lately, watch whatever BTS content I feel like consuming hehe.

How do you react when someone you know's having a freak out? Try to calm them down as best as I can and make sure they aren’t hurting themselves.

Have you ever seen someone have a seizure? No.

Do you have a phobia? Cockroaches and any sharp points.

Who is your hero? I don’t have one.

If you were to commit a crime, what would it be? No thanks.

Have you ever used drugs? Nothing beyond caffeine, nicotine, pills I take for headaches.

How would you define what you want out of life? Self-satisfaction, I guess.

What's your favorite car? A Mini Countryman.

[cumulohimbus]

100 things I want to do in my lifetime

So, I had a really good conversation today with friends, and I opened up briefly about my stay in a psych ward a few years ago. It came up because I am acutely aware that I haven't been doing well, and am scared to return to a situation anything like my previous stay at said ward despite knowing that being hospitalized would probably be very beneficial at this time in my life. Talking about it did make me remember something though, something that gave me a lot of hope. While my experience with a psych ward was overwhelmingly negative, there was a part of treatment that really got through to me at the time. It especially helped with my suicidal ideation, which is something that's been really problematic for me again lately. Since I remembered it, I'm going to revisit the exercise, and I encourage anyone and everyone who also struggles with suicidal thoughts, thoughts of self harm, mental health issues, or even if you're just having a bad day, to give this a try. It's simple. Make a list of 100 things you want to do in your life. They can be as realistic or unrealistic as you want them to be. They can be big, long-term goals, or small, silly goals, and everything in between. The only rules are to write 100 things, and to avoid sarcastic or pessimistic things like saying one of your goals is to die or something like that. Save the list! Then someday you can go back and cross off things that you've accomplished or edit as you see necessary. Without further ado, here is my list:

1. I want to get my name legally changed to Larkspur Emmett so my dead name is no more

2. I want to get top surgery

3. I want to rekindle relationships within my family, especially with my cousins

4. I want to get scuba certified

5. I want to dive over the "sunken island" location on the lake my family had a cabin on that I visited frequently while growing up

6. I want to go diving in general, seeing a coral reef in person is an especially huge dream of mine

7. I want to rekindle my knowledge of the Spanish language and eventually become fluent

8. I want to continue learning American Sign Language

9. I want to learn more about my ancestry; I know I'm a vast mix of probably mostly European blood, but my family comes from so many different places and I'd like to know more about them

10. I want to finish the art commission I started for my close friend

11. I want to travel to places like Costa Rica, Japan, Chile, and Australia

12. I want to go on exotic travel adventures with a future romantic partner or close friend

13. I want to get my Bachelor's degree

14. I want to earn enough money to live comfortably, probably with pets

15. I want to adopt a pembroke welsh corgi

16. I want to beat my eating disorder(s) for good and be able to stop taking medication to help if at all possible

17. I want to go ziplining

18. I want to go skydiving

19. I want to hike through the Monteverde biological cloud forest reserve in Costa Rica

20. I want to develop a drag persona and perform as my persona on a regular basis

21. I want to make a fursuit (yes I said it, fite me)

22. I want to finish an entire animated music video

23. I want to learn more about plants and successfully keep one alive for longer than a year

24. I want to try my hand at raising an ant colony

25. I want to go swimming more often

26. I want to learn more martial arts

27. I want to learn to be a leader in my community

28. I want to work harder in my college classes

29. I want to learn to not fear loneliness and abandonment, and to appreciate my alone time

30. I want to get (many) more self-designed tattoos

31. I want to continue learning how to appreciate my body without caring about other people's opinions on what is considered "attractive"

32. I want to eat more whole foods both because they're healthy for me and taste far better than anything with chemicals in it

33. I want to meet a few famous people in person, can't think of many off the top of my head though, but I know there are a couple

34. I want to take dance classes again

35. I want to learn how to play a musical instrument (I mean, I took 7 years of piano and can kinda read music, but I wanna learn an instrument that's better suited for short fingers lolol, maybe french horn?)

36. I want to finish the paintings I've started

37. I want to learn how to digitally render things realistically

38. I want to finish the fanfiction piece I started a couple years ago

39. I want to become more patient and less envious

40. I want to heccing fly, okay?

41. I want to feel like relaxation is deserved and expected, and not a luxury only for those who can afford it

42. I want to reassemble an animal skeleton

43. I want to dig up a fossil (specifically of some sort of mesozoic creature, that'd be so cool)

44. I want to get back to using my planner

45. I want to play more (board, card, video, etc.) games with my friends

46. I want to disassociate less and be present in the real world more often

47. I want to be more informed about what is going on both in general, but especially in my more immediate environment

48. I want to take up better drawing habits (more life drawing, warm ups, breaks, etc.)

49. I want to try a real goddamn piña colada, bonus points if it's on the beach

50. I want to try existing in a portable living situation, like a renovated bus or van, for a while

51. I want to learn basic wilderness survival skills

52. I want to learn how to identify many different species of all types of organisms, especially plants and animals

53. I want to get my vehicle fixed up nice and maybe hand paint some things on it

54. I want to learn more about different cultures because they're fascinating and I want to be as respectful of all people as I possibly can be

55. I want to paint the waterfall jungle mural of my dreams in my future house

56. I want to gain better control of my emotions and my responses to them

57. I want to fabricate a working pair of wings for human beings

58. I want to learn/do more embroidery

59. I want to get a cerulean blue Corvette stingray

60. I want to get better about not procrastinating

61. I want to go to more events/be more involved wherever I am

62. I want to go for more walks to places I haven't been to before, bonus points if it's in the middle of the night and/or in the rain

63. I want to do things like play in inflatable obstacle courses and ride on roller coasters without caring about whether other people judge me for doing those things as an adult

64. I want to regain the physical strength I have lost from being sedentary while my mental health has been at its lowest

65. I want to spend more time laying in the sunshine, preferably with the bare minimum of clothes on because I enjoy the warmth on my skin

66. I want to cuddle more with others that feel comfortable enough to participate in that with me

67. I want to learn more about the fabrication of clothing and design/make some outfits for myself

68. I want to cosplay, maybe go to a convention sometime

69. I want to go skinny dipping >:3 (look, it's number 69 on the list, okay?)

70. I want to try all sorts of foods I've never had before

71. I want to see a butterfly leaving its cocoon in real life again

72. I want to read more of the books I own

73. I want to be kissed by someone again...it's been over 4 years...

74. I want to eliminate my habit of requiring a Youtube gaming playlist to be playing in order for me to fall asleep

75. I want to learn more about the history of the lgbtqia2s+ community

76. I want to learn how to cook for myself better, and like, actually use those skills on a regular basis

77. I want to learn how to take care of my vehicle better on my own, like how to change a tire and such

78. I want to learn to communicate better, and just, in general how to be the best friend I can be

79. I want to stop using all substances for the purpose of drowning out my surroundings and messing with my temporal senses, if I'm going to drink/smoke/get high/whatever, I want it to be because I want to for fun, not because I want the chemicals to take the edge off my mental illness(es)

80. I want to start taking better care of my dental hygiene

81. I want to learn more about my legal rights and finances and other "adult" stuff that doesn't really get taught to you unless you specifically go looking for it

82. You know the somewhat obnoxious game Bop It? Yeah, I want one of those again, keeps me entertained for a long time

83. I want to design more things in general, more characters and their outfits and personalities and the worlds they live in, I enjoy that

84. I want to spend more time outdoors with my friends, watch sunsets and collect miscellaneous objects from the universe and such

85. I want to teach someone something, sit down and maybe teach someone how I draw or about something that I am at least somewhat knowledgeable about

86. I want to go to more aquariums; if/when I travel more I want to go to every aquarium I come across

87. I want to start a legit collection of something and like, build it up over a long period of time so it gets pretty impressive

88. I want to get my eyes surgically corrected so I don't have to wear glasses or fiddle with contacts

89. I want to learn more about Greek and Latin roots and just words and symbolism in general

90. I want to lose the embarrassment I have about my hyperfixations because I deserve to not feel ashamed of the things that bring me satisfaction and joy, and it's okay if other people don't share my enthusiasm about such things, I just want to learn to not be embarrassed that I like stuff

91. I want to get over my fears/discomfort re: nudity, especially for life drawing classes; see, it's one thing to see someone nude and divert my eyes but for life drawing I'm kinda forced to look...

92. I want to understand myself better and learn to love me instead of the opposite; I want to be full of love for the beautiful people around me and I want to really solidify in my brain that I am one of those beautiful people

93. I want to do more things for others that are meaningful because that makes me happy, and I want to learn to do those things while also respecting everyone's, including my own, boundaries

94. I want to develop a sleep schedule that is healthy and appropriate, and that I'm able to maintain

95. I want to run in the rain more often and jump in puddles (edit: while typing this it started storming out and I had to run outside in my bunny pajama short-shorts, winter boots, and a sweatshirt, to grab my box of silly plant seed experiments before they blew away, so progress is already being made)

96. I want to get over my intense fear of making phone calls

97. I want to learn how to sing better with my new and improved deeper voice from being on Testosterone

98. I want to get my first tattoo fixed up and hopefully renew the meaning it had to me at the time that I got it -- I want to try to keep that promise

99. I want to spend more time actively working on improving my mental health

100. I want to see more, I want to learn more, I want to do more, I want to be the version of myself that is genuinely amazed and curious by all manner of things, and I know that part of me is still there

And now, once you've finished your list, you have 100 reasons to not give up, because there's no way of knowing what you're capable of doing if you don't exist to try.