#I like to think he'd be like. 20 here
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model AU 🎶inspired by 2000s phone ads lol
#persona 3 reload#persona 3#minato arisato#makoto yuki#AU where tanaka went through with scouting p3mc to model for his dubious business ventures#actually thats probably not too far from modelling irl#I like to think he'd be like. 20 here#his new venture to make ends meet as a college student without the tartarus money#YUKARIS A MODEL TOO IT MAKES SENSE
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okay unironically I love so much that porter is like this world SUCKS its BAD here and it HURTS you why do you care abt it!!! and literally every single bad kid is like ngl we just hate ur ass it does not matter what ur philosophy is
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#not art#fhjy spoilers#its!!! gods I will Be My Ass in the tags rn. but thats so like. deliciously setting typical#like porter's desire is to transcend and his contempt for the world he's in feels. idk Real#like he plays the game bc he wants to win and be done with it. how do I word this#yknow. being a god would like. be his win state. when he gets that happening thats it his story is done he checks out#meanwhile the bad kids do actually just like playing the game lmao. like they love adventuring!#theyre so solidly Of This World. they carry the values that can only be born of it and they like having mastery over it#its a meta angle that I think is very fun specifically for d20 being in such a unique position in the zeitgeist when it first started#the rat grinders are from DnD Writ Large. porter wants to escape. but this is the bad kids' home its Their Actual Play Show#which makes it so fucking excellent to me that porter's question is somewhat of merit! its their show and it tries very hard to punish them#and they just straight up dont listen to him here lmao bc they hate him but! since the moment the academic track ended its been clear#that they save the world bc they Like Playing. With Each Others#thats what riz thinks the core of adventuring is! thats why fig stayed! and I also think thats why this hovers over elmville now and#a dead god is coming back in the school gym. porter is a shit evangelist but even if hes a good one I dont think it wouldve worked like he#wants it to. the only way he couldve escaped is if he'd not involved elmville at all. thats where the bad kids met dude#its a shitty place that fucks with them but they all come back here bc they wanna play with each others#and in that regard I think thats what the stress tokens ultimately means. Is This Game Still Fun To Play. ITS A RAGEQUIT LIMIT#Im literally running from one end to another of this conspiracy board Ive pulled out of nowhere#Ill draw after this I just wanna get this out. gods this episode has done nothing but furthering my delusion of grandeur actually#Im the hottest smartest manthing on earth Im king fucking midas over here. anyways uh! great ep!
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The whole conversation between Arthur and Dutch on the way to Lagras in Country Persuits really is just the "I give you food and a roof over your head, you have no right to question me" argument you have with your parents
#“you think micah would question going after bronte? no he'd say lets go!”#“I'm here ain't I? Ive been at your side for 20 years!”#and then dutch proceeds to make it about himself after blatantly accusing arthur of not being loyal#dutch literally argued with arthur until he gave in and agreed with him#all the npcs riding past were like 👀#dude it's so sad dutch was yelling at his son of 20 years like a child when all he did was voice his (understandable) concerns#if you can't be honest with your parental figure then who can you be honest with?#it makes me so sad every time#arthur took dutch's side and went with him to get bronte just to get scolded the whole time#I seethe#mick squeaks#mick thinks#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#arthur morgan#dutch van der linde#red dead redemption community#oh arthur
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November, 1983
Edge Hill University, Picture by Adam Marsh
Source
#God just look at how cute they are#Johnny has just turned 20 here I believe#He was 18 when him and Moz met in May 1982#And Moz be what#25 here? I think#He'd just turned 24 when they met#So he's 25 and a half basically#God they were so young#And meanwhile even though Johnny is only 20 years old this is like his second or third serious band#With White Dice and Sister Ray and Freak Party#And then suddenly within a year of meeting this odd hermit who still lived with his mother and lived on three valium a day#Here he is on top of the pops and playing massive gigs all over the UK#It's just so extraordinary#I don't know that I'll ever really be over it#Johnny's energy was just seeping inside of me#I'd never met anyone that wanted to really get out there and make it#Sighs#From the Nick Kent interview you know#Also how is it Johnny looks so thin here but he looks so much fuller in the face by next year#Then back to skeletal in 1987#Isn't that odd#Things to think about#johnny#moz
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🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️🩹
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do yyou think you can share any transmasc lili or transfem raz design ideas you have
Ok ! I didn't have any designs planned out yet, so I took this ask as an opportunity to try my hand at it :] maybe I'll line and color this later, idk
(Any pronouns for Raz and he/they for Lili here ok)
#art#doodles#fanart#psychonauts#psychonauts au#razputin aquato#raz psychonauts#lili zanotto#lili psychonauts#I think they'd be around their early 20s here :]#I think Lili's known he's trans for a while. and been on t for at least 3 years at least#but Raz only figured out maybe a couple years ago and is not taking any hormones currently (I don't know if she would later either)#also I think he'd be pretty influenced by Frazie's style (hair specifically of course) while also still somewhat keeping the Sasha ish look#and inspired by Milla a little with the slightly more 70s vibe#while making it her own thing too though#and also they wear the scarf as a headscarf sometimes (like Lucy wore when she was young)#ohh and she's taken a liking to the nickname Pootie and allows for close friends to use that for it :]#also I wanted for Lili to look kinda like Truman while also still having Lili vibes#I might mess with the design more later but I think it's ok for now#they'd be a bit more chilled out when he's older I think though#I also think that he'd go by something other than Lili (idk what yet) but still allow that has a nickname with people they know#also I think both their hair would get curly when they're older. but Raz's especially#and I like to think they'd work at whispering rock during the summer when they're older also :]
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SCREAM nijimen did a "top 10 hpmi characters who seem like they would spend the most time getting ready in the morning" or something poll and hifumi came in at a smooth smooth first place. it wasn't even close
i'll put the full results beneath a cut
hifumi 627 votes
jyushi 552 votes
ramuda 537 votes
hitoya 408 votes
jyuto 279 votes
ichijiku 268 votes
gentaro 213 votes
jakurai 173 votes
nemu 161 votes
otome 153 votes
honobono 144 votes
rosho 80 votes
samatoki 71 votes
jiro 68 votes
sasara 48 votes
ichiro 43 votes
saburo 42 votes
rei 40 votes
doppo 30 votes
kuko 25 votes
the list literally stops here so we can only imagine how many votes dice and rio got. and i'm imagining a big fat well-deserved zero for them both
#hypmic#nijimen nonsense#<- i think this was my tag for these polls? anyway#hilarious to me that hifumi got more votes than ALL THREE WOMEN IN THE TOP 10 COMBINED#i agree strongly with a lot of these rankings#though i feel like jakurai should maybe be higher#not even because he's fussy about his morning routine but simply because god#god there's so MUCH hair to deal with#gentaro idk. i personally would put him lower bc i feel like he'd say ''i woke up like this'' and everyone would think he's lying as usual#but it's the one time he's telling the truth#for completely biased and baseless reasons i would also put samatoki way up on here lmao#i like to imagine he preens#SERIOUSLY CANNOT GET OVER THE FACT THAT. LIKE. we have 21 main cast members#and the top 20 results for this poll#but two of them didn't make the cut at all while honobono (not one of the core 21) did#and the two that didn't make it are#an unemployed enemy of the state ex-navy guy who lives in the woods#and the unemployed homeless gambling addicted son of the prime minister#like......... yeah. fair
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ty for reminding me about artem and him burying letters like there is something not right with him😭
HELP . YOU"RE WELCOME.
HAHAHA OKAY BUT. LITERALLY ??? it's one of those things where i just remember it once every couple months and go MAN. no fictional character will ever beat whatever the fuck was going on with artem in his mind palace.
i remember saving these tags a while back but they're just as relevant today as they were then
#tears of themis#artem wing#anon#asks#i think what recently reminded me of this was lbc having alkaid mention he'd write up a list of excuses to turn people down w#and i was like. man literally no one's doing it insane like artem was. where did he get the shovel from#why the garden#why the SCHOOL garden#he didnt want to turn them down or throw the letters away but like. WHY THE GARDEN. ARTEM.#there are like 20 other solutions here how did you jump to digging around in the school garden
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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older chongyun..!! i think most people draw him w long hair tied up in a ponytail but i like to think his hair grows really slow. he grows it out to his nape giving him somewhat of a mullet? my goal is more on a small mane...hehe. rationale for this is that id assume he can control his yang energy better as he ages and therefore doesnt warrant the need to tie his hair to ventiliate himself or prevent sweating. i reread his character stories on his profile and forgot the bit about him feeling like he missed out the mundanes bc of his condition (eg large gatherings hot springs regular dishes). perhaps the smallest and most gradual development in overcoming this predicament is growing out his hair.....
#chongyun#my art#i should probably use that tag hahaha#tangy talks genshin#should also make a tangy talks chongyun#but anyway my boss sent me on my 10 and i drew this in the back ajfbahf#i hc him to be 17 in game (18 situationally for the sake of continuity like birthdays but that doesnt matter to me much)#so here he'd be like.. maybe 20? 21?#still a young lad but void of his baby cheeks... chongyun having a sharp jawline after years of face pudge means everything to me#but i also like to think he grows to look softer? softer gaze and loosened up....#chongyun is canonically mistaken to be stoic.. “face of ice” and him controlling his energy better rids him off this initial impression#now he is just beloved exorcist heart of clear water.. face of... :-)#wow these tags are long as hell#i have so many chongyun thoughts it's horrible. thought about him the entire day today#my entire 10 HOUR SHIFT... AUGH#edit:#tangy talks chongyun
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i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that
#like oh....you think im one of them...bestie no im freshly 23 and im happy i made it this far i dont wanna go back#sometimes i hate being 5'2 with a small frame you have to be very careful and kinda vet everyone you interact with#idk there's a complex discussion to be had. i am someone who has went through what they fetishize and i know a lot of girls in that#community have too. so i worry a lot if if my behaviors and preferences accidentally align with that community in ways i don't realize#bc trauma will always reveal itself. idfk. when i was 20 i got in a relationship with a man who was 30 because i misheard him and thought#he was 24. i thought he was okay until we were at this giftshop and he wanted to get me something but as giftshops are super expensive#i mentioned i could fit in childrens clothes and it saves me a lot of money ($60 shoes are $30 for kids) and tbh fit my frame better#so he was “prove it” so i did and mf said “THATS HOT” ??????????? BITCH#my style wasn't even feminine in the slightest at the time 😑 it feels like a curse to have this kind of trauma then never outgrow this body#believe me ik how trauma changes your brain but how#as a woman#can you ever be apart of that community? why do you allow this to continue and not persecute these men for existing?#you're inherently enabling it and saying its okay this happened to you and its okay that other adults can hurt other kids#when my rapist got put in prison i screamed i yelled i sang i danced my friends set off FIREWORKS for me#when he got out i cried more than i ever have. i moved STATES (not the sole rzn but nonetheless) not that i was in the one he was in prison#in anyways but i was so fucking petrified he'd find me again. its embarrassing but i started sleeping with a chastity belt again.#i made more phone calls i ever have in my life to people who have and will get their hands dirty#i understand the self hatred those girls have. i understand the girls who sleep with everyone to take some of their power back.#i even understand the girls who want to get raped if they got assaulted but it never felt like enough for the pain they're experiencing#but please stay the fuck away from me. as someone who has tried to heal and wants every man like that erased from earth.#do not give them an ounce of attention. ostracize them like they're meant to be. leave it to god for their karma they will be dealt with#reckon with your pain and make sure it never happens to anyone else. only the harmed can make the greatest teachers#tbh bro i am disgusted with myself at all that those are the kinda vibes i put out.#what are you supposed to do as a woman when feminity is equalized with infantilism? i think its tone deaf and misguided whem girls are like#i dress this way to contradict societies views!!! babes its a whole cultural issue that requires reviewing and reforming#you are not doing anything revolutionary by wearing frilly skirts and saying im not like them bc they see you and ur automatically boxed in#i dress how i want and say what i want but i know as a individual im not the beacon of a groundbreaking movement#singularily flipping society on its head. dress how you want but be aware of the connotations. you're living in this society here and now#there's consequences that may not be in your favor and youll be assumed to have values that dont align with you and it may break your heart
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i work with. the most insufferable man.
#so to start: he's so fucking annoying#and i dont mesnt cringe or weird#i mean this man is incapabke of shutting up about himself#he doesnt have conversations#he just talks at you for upwards of like 20 minutes#WHILE you have fucking work to do#one time i was reading a book with headphones on#massive ones that you cannot miss to be ckear#and he fucking physically taps me to get my attention so he can ask me what im reading#then asks me if ive ever *heard* of kurt vonnegut#like. one of the most famous authors of the 20th century? YEAH#but he just goes on and on for literally 20 minutes abiut his own reading while im just sitting there going uh huh uh huh#hes also casually racist! like i dont think he'd ever say the n word but#likes to say that he used to work in 'inner city schools'#used a blaccent to mock a mother who was upset at him for physically ripping earbuds out of a students ears#referred to his black students as being from the ghetto#was convinced that two of the other teachers are sisters even though they look nothing alike#because they are both black#also seems to be fetishizing peruvian women#like came here specifically to marry a peruvian woman#and i have only known him for a month but i still know all this about him (and more! hes divorced apparently!)#because he is terminally incapable of shutti g the fuck up#but he knows i dont like him 🥰 so he has stopped trying to talk to me at least#i hesr about these things from all the other teachers who are less comfortable being rude to get him to go away#lol
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me when i have 4 hours to finish a project before submission
#watching the widows' war finale. sighing every 20 seconds#well :/ idk what else to say. wasted potential. rushed. cheap. i mean come on the green screen...did the writers forget that earth exists#like girl this isn't the mcu. drive to a nearby lake or whatever. acting like all of our bodies of water r getting seized by china#it's soooo bad omg they couldn't even take the time to edit it nicely tanginaaaaaaa HAGHAGHAGHGSHAGSHA#they el fili'd the shit w/cairo & rico. the reveal was already lacking & now they just..killed them off. easy. the thing is that the reveal#doesn't feel like. a reveal only. it felt like a build up; this is the start. this is when they're about to get to the depths of it#because the stories that lead up to it - the stories of the miners & the families - felt scattered throughout the show. as if they're-#planning to someday give the full picture. explain all of it in a bigger context. like there is Going To Be Something Else.#but now it's just....that. the killers dumping their stories. which btw i thought was so stupid bc couldn't u all have at least moved to ur#hideout or whatever b4 doing that. like why r u still hanging out in there hello??? move!!!1!!!!11!#also how tf did they retrieve amando from the hospital???? and when????????????????????#they're shit at making poison bc what did they put in there that only killed the palacios siblings & had everyone else survive it#& if jericho was so serious about killing everyone off couldn't he have shot them also?? just to be sure?? have it trace back to amando#like r u even interested :/ in ur own plan. :/ how sure was he that the poison was gonna work. bc u're bad at math dude everybody lived#rico didn't deserve that ending tbh :( like all of that just to get shot and die in 5 seconds#they had the chance to tell the most interesting story with what they had but they just resorted to 'hey revenge is not nice :('#did they learn nothing from luigi. or the edsa rev '86 /hj but seriously omg that can't just be it#i also wonder wht zig dulay feels bc dang. i feel like he'd b frustrated af w.his creative perfectionist self#& the actors as well i know they're so PR and so clean and they have to be. but i wish they'd have the chance to speak about it candidly#i feel so bad for the writers behind it too tbh i really reallyyy really feel like this isn't how they wanted it to be#I'M STILL CRYING OVER THE GREEN SCREEN ASHAGHAGSA maaaan if i had the free time to create gifsets. bc come onnnn compare this bullshit#to the iconic cinematography it was known for at first. summarizes the downfall of this show so well#filipino high school students are out here creating the best short films/film trailers for their school projects with the best film editing#u've ever seen in ur entire life. & then a tv show w a million peso budget just offered us this#i am sooo gonna do the gifset as soon as i have the free time to edit again lmfaoooooo#okay beyond the green screen thing. i don't think sam's death did anything to the narrative#ik it's like the series' trademark to leave a mystery by the end to signal a sequel but. idk. maybe i'm too fatigued by the shitty#execution of literally everything in the show but it's really just unnecessary#they rlly could've just killed everyone off like that's the only actually fitting ending i fear 💔#widows' war
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I just read an article (/book extract) where the byline made it sound like it would explain how to find out about sex parties in your area if you're New. 'People always ask me this first' yadda yadda. So I clicked in, all intrigued, but the answer was literally 'It's easy, just...go to one! ^^' (Great thnx.)
#the guardian does the 'highbrow' clickbait i guess but it's clickbait all the same#book was written by a pro domme so of course she gives an answer useless to anyone outside the scene#btw if you reading this actually know- remember the advice only works if you know my area lol#i was hoping she'd take some of the mystique out as outsiders probably get very stuck on that#kind of 'here is the kind of place to find out- works anywhere'#honestly don't even know why i'm interested given my bf and i are like Turbo Mono#i think in like 20 yrs maybe he will be confident enough but the ball is in his court#he'd be a polar bear by then <3#well it's a fantasy but in my real life this kind of thing would probably be more triggering than i can comprehend rn#because of my Weird Baggage (tm) about sex and kink#part of me STILL doesn't know what is genuine curiosity about sex events and what is me trying to be seen as#'cool' or sexy enough to be in with the cool liberated sex having people#...i suspect it's mainly the 2nd one even after all this time and learning and growing. :(
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so i left the mormon church as a teenager (15ish? 16?), but stayed in attendance until i was 20. i was pretty up front about the whole deciding-it-wasnt-true process with my bishop, who frankly took it really well, but it wasnt like i pulled all 150 ward members aside and had a heart to heart with them. anyway, i didnt believe, so at 19 i didnt go on a mission, and while some people in the ward were totally fine with that, others werent. and there was one woman in her late 50s who pulled me aside one day to interrogate me why i hadnt gone on a mission.
"the duty of every young man" she said.
and the thing is, im autistic. and a lot of people assume that when youre autistic, your social skills just arent very good. but thats not exactly true. your Be Polite skills are kind of eh, and they tend to stay that way, but as a sort of survival mechanism your Be Rude skills become amazing simply because you get put in tons of situations where your choices are to Function or Be Polite. and no one can choose Be Polite forever. the world demands function, it merely encourages politeness.
anyway, it can really catch neurotypicals by surprise, because hey, heres this kind of awkward, graceless guy, who stumbles over his words a lot and is very apologetic. hes probably a huge pushover. but i'm only like that when we're playing The Polite Game, because i am frankly kind of bad at it. but when its time to play The Rude Game, i go fucking ham and asking about the not-going-on-a-mission thing is Super Rude. so i said:
"sister hadlock... they wont let me go because i lit-er-ally cannot stop sucking dicks. i dont know why, its just so, so hard."
*dramatic pause*
"also - its very difficult to stop."
anyway, it almost killed her. i think she'd expected to just kind of steamroll me for the entire conversation, but the answer crushed her soul. instead of continuing her interrogation she made a noise like a horse drowning in a bog and left.
to add insult to injury, she went to the bishop after that, thinking he'd chew me out for being an ass, but instead he chewed her out for not minding her own business. then she went to my parents after that, who basically went "yeah, babylon was pretty rude. but youre also pretty rude. what are you, mad that he's better at it than you?"
i really loved that ward.
#mormon#exmormon#that ward was actually very kind to me#i know a lot of exmos have horror stories about getting ostracized but i only wound up leaving when i moved to my college campus#and ive just never been interested in attending anywhere else because it wasnt about Mormonism#it was about those guys#the village that raised me
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having to restrain from saying anything when my dad dares to say that men get paid LESS than women. in what world. are you out of your fucking mind old man.
#ow.err#IN WHAT WORLD ARE MEN PAID LESS THAN WOMEN.#like. i shouldnt be surprised he said that bc he watched and/rew t/ate and jo/e rog/an so like. of fucking course he'd think that.#but like dude. you have no idea what youre talking about.#and there is NO WAY im gonna even try to tell him otherwise bc he is. loud. yk.#im just gonna. leave that there. bc its not my responsibility to 'fix' my parents as much as id love to try.#its just not my responsibility. and itll prob just end in me getting screamed at anyways since they wont listen to me or anything i say#cuz im still a kid in their eyes ! ! ! !!!! ! ! so cool ! ! ! ! ! !#almost 20. father doesnt think i know how to wake myself up w/o being woken up by someone else.#SO INSULTING BTW. i always get up on time. no matter what. nearly 20 and he thinks im a fking child still#both my mom and dad do but my dad does it in an 'underestimating' me way and my mom does it in a 'tries to overly coddle me' way#you know? i dunno. i dunno. i wanna move out but money is so fked rn. and idk how to do like. anything. so im just...#gonna do my classes and try to get a nice job and save up for awhile before i actually move out to my own place#im also kind of scared bc idk if ill have the. will to care for myself once i move out. like im worried ill just let myself die#sso. things to. work on before i get out of here i guess. but the thing is this environment will not let me heal. ahhh !!!!!!!!!#the only way out is through!!! through and scared!!!!!!!!!!!! tmrw marks the start of my life potentially starting to change. for the bette#but still changing. and oh man. im very nervous. its scary#cuz like. i didnt think id live past like 12 ??? so to be almost 20 and very behind on 'adult things' is. scary?daunting?#it all almost feels unreal. like im reaching a part of my life i never thought id actually reach. it feels like ive been living on#borrowed time since 12 so now im like. damn i have to live dont i. i have to actively make this life worth living now#some days i still worry itll be my last but ... im just gonna try to take it one step at a time. its all i can do.#be as prepared as i can. and take it one step at a time. i clutch onto the hope that my life will get better#and i clutch onto it with an iron grip. because damn it. it has to get better than this. it has to.#wow this got derailed. oh well my poast my rules.
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