#I like to post the amount because I think is important to not be afraid to talk about money

[chronic-crassicaudiosis]

I've got my finals grades!

I'm officially still a fucking nerd

[maryrouille]

Toxic romanticization of studying

In a word of introduction, my profile partly shows that studying and exploring is wonderful. But as a person involved in science*, I would like to show healthy and true patterns of this beautiful adventure in acquiring knowledge.

The inspiration for writing this post this time was not the phenomenon from Tumblr (although you can also observe it here), but from Pinterest. There you can come across cycles composed of quotes and photos whose aim is to motivate young girls to learn, succeed and get good grades. These images often also show examples of characters from movies, TV series or real life that you can aspire to be like. Overall, I have to agree that it really works! But I would like to draw attention to certain elements that need to be verified.

1. You shouldn't get up at 5am

First of all, the correct amount of sleep is one of the most important factors affecting the proper and effective functioning of our brain. During sleep, nerve cells regenerate, organize information acquired during the day and consolidate memory traces, which is directly related to learning. Lack of sleep increases impulsivity, deepens negative thinking and slows down the body's reaction time!

2. You can be a genius without good grades

Of course, good grades are a pleasant confirmation of our knowledge and praise for hard work. However, sometimes it is worth considering whether the structure of exams themselves, especially those with closed questions, affects the results. We often study for one specific exam, the knowledge of which may be very… limited and sometimes not useful, so it is worth prioritizing the topics that we study hard.

3. It's not cool to think you're better than others

We are different and have different priorities in life. It is also worth considering how many people escape from the rat race and start a slow, stress-free life. So we have to agree that judging people based on grades or responses under stress (sic!) is not cool.

The good thing about romanticizing studying

As I have already said, these types of collages are really motivating. So let's talk about what's great about them and what's worth highlighting and saving for later.

1. Knowledge is beautiful, but your outfit and surroundings can also be

We know that we should never judge a book by its cover, but… the issue of social perception painfully confirms that we do and will continue to do so because this is how our brains work. And isn't it nice when someone looks at us and thinks this girl is so classy?

Moreover, a nice outfit that makes us feel good gives us a lot of self-confidence. There are also many studies confirming the positive impact on motivation and concentration of a neat and aesthetic workplace.

2. Not just cramming, but also discovering

Broadening your horizons is easier with passion and real commitment. And to achieve this, the topics must really interest us. Not everyone has yet found something that they are extremely passionate about in science, so that is why you have to dig deeper and discover different areas.

3. Don't be afraid to use your knowledge in practice

Schools and universities, unfortunately, have their own rules and they do not always allow you to show your 100% potential. Thus, share your knowledge with others externally, write essays, blog and social media. This form of activity also makes you learn things faster and easier. In addition, contacts with others will expand your knowledge.

Therefore, I must say that it is worth choosing your inspirations carefully. Nothing helps you enjoy studying better than a clear head and lack of prejudices.

*This post was inspired by my own experience with studying. If anyone is interested, I think I can share my mistakes that did not help me in an academic adventure :)

[shellofhappiness]

The general dialogue between Eric and that AOL girl regarding his philosophy on love has always stood out to me. It's one of the very few moments of vulnerability we've been given / able to find on his character over the past twenty years.

Eric always had his guard up. We all mostly know this from his own writings, no one acts like how he portrayed himself naturally. But, also including the accounts given about him from other people in his life, important or not, before and after passing. Mostly commonly described as aggressive and irritable, yet closed-off and restrained.

Alongside that online exchange, the only other times I can think of were when he called out of work to be there for his sick dog, or the innocent adoration he held toward his older brother, alongside sincere respect for his mother, of course, Reb's "I wish I were a fucking sociopath" Tape, and (arguably) his undisclosed email to his childhood best friend.

He talked about love like he was an outsider. A still figure watching it & whatever shape it may take maneuver around him, but not having the ability to engage. Let alone even acknowledge the fact it could be something of his own as well if he reached his hand out to touch it, but that wasn't even a possibility for him at that moment. Feeling comfortable enough to bring it up, but never to address it directly. Mentioning what he believed, but never outright saying it, afraid to cross a boundary. Though, he was still very careful with his wording despite not feeling confident enough to state his opinion in full. Being just general enough so he didn't risk the girl disagreeing with his words because he didn't give her an opening to do so, but still baring just a bit of his self to her through his ego because it was just the two of them.

Everyone talks about the concept of "love" relating to the case in reference to DK, because it was something that openly consumed him in private, but in a way, I feel the same just might have applied to Eric as well. But, like many other things relating to him, he hid it all away inside of himself. To live is to be vulnerable, and the times Eric was, never ended in his favor. Hence why he conditioned himself to be so isolated from everyone else, emotionally independent.

When Eric did openly talk about his doctrine on love, it was that degenerate & exploitative journal passage in which he wrote in depth about the idea of forcing himself onto certain women in his life alongside gaudy band lyrics. Considering how hesitant he was to directly speak to another girl about love, even under the context they were both being open with each other, the passage was likely written out of some kind of complex frustration. To compensate for how he felt like such a stranger in the face of it, but remarkably knowledgeable when speaking objectively. He wasn't being honest with himself, but still desperately needed some kind of liberation as an attempt to stop whatever feeling of desire he harbored from further stirring inside him.

The passion that stems from hatred is something I'm sure we all know Eric was well acquainted with. I think the hate inside of him masked the love, being overshadowed and making it appear small. It was definitely there, but seldom did it get a voice to speak in comparison to the amount of steam he let out on a general basis.

Eric cared a lot. When you look past the ego he presented to the whole world, he wasn't an individual with ASPD by any stretch of the means. He wanted not to be independent, but his life made him feel that was the only option he could truly rely on with the social instability he faced growing up. He wanted to be seen. I'm sure many people have voiced this before, but it's truly heart-wrenching to think he was doing this big finale act with his best friend, maybe because he had his best friend there to do it with him, only to find out post-mortem that DK didn't hold him to the same high regard. Maybe close, but not at all on the exact same level.

Putting the fact aside both of them expressed fantasies of doing NBK with their own respective "dream girl," DK wanted other options for someone to go through with the date, other actual people in his life, but from Eric's point-of-view, it had to be Dylan. Dylan was one of the very few people in his life, the only one still present with him, that aided his desire not to be alone. To be seen as an individual. To be vulnerable. Under the impression Dylan felt the same way he did, or at least something similar ... and while I won't deny it was there, it just wasn't as significant to the other party.

"What one person calls true love (EH) can be just another cheap thrill to another (DK)."

I'd like to specify that my goal with this post isn't to send the message that they were "gay," nor point out any form of "romantic chemistry," but rather to emphasize how languished love was overall in Eric's life. Also, I think there's an absurdist humor that comes from the irony of him saying this with what we know would follow half at his hands (you know who the other half is).

They both loved each other as friends, without a doubt, but it's so tragic to think that Eric's closest bond, a connection of love so intimate yet unrelated to direct societal romance, which created a strength so abundant that it started a ripple effect worldwide that still persists to this very day, wasn't quite requited the way he thought it was. Just like every other published bond of his, in his sad little existence.

[padawansuggest]

Okay so on Coruscant there are very few people that don’t actually go out into the streets (I’m thinking politicians and Jedi might be some of the few who don’t have to go outside very often if at all because the senate and the temple are both the size of a small city) which means that 1: they NEED to have vitamin D lights on the streets of Coruscant because otherwise everyone would be depressed like in the deepest winter at all times. And 2: that means I think the Jedi temple and the senate themselves also are just full of Vitamin D lights.

Also y’all need to stop writing fics where kids are afraid of ‘getting caught sneaking around after dark’ or something because the temple is literally so full of species that you have no idea of that kid is nocturnal or whatever. They very well could be. Tbh I wanna write a fic where someone catches Obi-Wan sneaking around at night to play a prank with Quin or something and he’s all ‘bruh my eyes glow in the dark I’m obviously meant to be awake at this hour’ and no one can argue with him. Stuff like that.

Also I think the temple neeeeeeeds multiple healing halls (once more. It is the size of a small city) one in the aquatic center of the temple (which canonically exists) one in the temple main (which should span over like four levels and act as it’s own building okay) and one in the creche. This is the MINIMUM amount of healing halls I think they should have.

A tram system should be inside the walls. Places in the temple that act as sideways lifts and also a subway system because believe it or not, there are species in the temple as small as one foot tall, and I’m not just talking about Grogu, I’m talking about others like Kushiban and others similar. Once more. It is the size of a small city. They should have both subway type stations (that take you certain places like the main healing halls or the biggest canteen or the supply sector of the temple things like that) because oh my god imagine how many hours the commute to your workstation could take if you didn’t have that shit. Annoying af.

They gotta have names for all the different canteens okay. Like ‘meet me in the cafeteria’ in a temple the size of a small city is bullshit cause even in the books they have multiple cafeterias.

A… let’s call it a Mall Section of the temple. A place where you can pick up groceries (the temple makes their own food and I assume most of it is cooked in careens but also not letting people cook their own food is a recipe for a Jedi starving to death on a mission lmao) but they also have a salon (skin care and hair care are very important and if you let all these babies cut their own hair they gonna turn out like me no one wants that) and a clothing ‘store’ where you can get certain size clothes and robes from, or even undercover mission clothes. There need to be Jedi in these places too!!! Imagine going to the salon with your master and having a gossip talk about your new lineage member!!! It’s important to society!!!

A Jedi movie theater where the masters send their kiddos on the weekend so they can enjoy a glass of wine and not be sneezed on for three hours.

I’ve actually seen a few mentions in fics and posts about tea salons so that is def also a thing. It’s the Jedi version of a cafe. I think people who like baking take turns working there and everyone chips in for tea selections and stuff.

Droid Ubers. They need to get somewhere but feel sick as heck and it’s not near any good lifts or the subway trams??? Call a droid Uber lmao. It shouldn’t be unusual either lol just grandmaster on his way to bother his kid while not aggravating his hip after hip surgery.

Remember that Jedi who are like 10 foot tall also exist so remember there ARE apartments in the temple that could fit Kenobi’s Dino-Horse girl Boga.

There should also be apartments with like 10 bedrooms and bathrooms (or even one giant communal bathroom) around a singular living/cooking space!!! Let Jedi live in communes!!!!

The aquatic levels of the creche are def the cutest place in the temple you can’t argue with me on the idea of water babies swimming and cuddling under water.

On another note to the fact that species like Kushiban exist???? Imagine tiny doors and corridors that used to be used by mouse droids but they became so useful to tiny Jedi so they got taken over. Just imagine that.

Bartering markets where Jedi trade things, mostly things they get on missions or are given to them as gifts, nothing goes to waste so they find a proper place for all gifts and extras here.

Cooking classes. Obi-Wan has been kicked out of all of them his cooking is so bad. Anakin claims bullshit he loves Master’s cooking! But then, he also eats worms…

Anyways. Y’all too single minded with this shit. It just be all ‘cafeteria, living quarters, healing halls and archives’ with you guys. Where is the culture. Where is the acknowledgment of multiple species all living in the same area taking place in a culture of peace and galactic exploration???? Give them a liquor store idgaf.

[kentopedia]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ VIGNETTES — levi ackerman

contents. sfw, mention of pregnancy & marriage, angst, maybe unrequited love, fem!reader, 1.8k

notes. there is no dialogue in this, and it's purely poetic and prose because i wanted to do something different & levi is very important to me. posting this before i get nervous bc i feel as if i have poured too much of myself into this. idk if anyone will want to read it, but enjoy anyway !

you fell in love with levi ackerman the moment you met him. 

you fell in love with him in the underground, when you were both still young, his brashness and strength intimidating to even you, a member of the survey corps. the way your eyes had met through the filth and the grime, levi restrained, teeth bared, an image of a flame that refused to be put out. against every intelligent bone in your body, your heart had stuttered in your chest at the fierceness in his deep blue eyes, the way that, even when he was narrowing his gaze at you with something of hatred, he was still the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. 

you fell in love with him in training, when you watched a man who had never had any proper guidance become the strongest soldier that the survey corps had ever seen. levi was at home in the skies, free from the restraints and the waste that he had been born into, a natural when it came to odm gear. though he scoffed at you every time you tried to give him any pointers, you still felt some warmth in your face—he never needed any advice from you, anyway. it was just an excuse to talk to him. 

you fell in love with him when he lost his friends, the first time you’d had a conversation with him that didn’t end in a sour remark, an expression that made you think he saw you as nothing more than a military pawn. you’d let your mouth fall open, and then you’d shut it, a mumble of condolences coming out, before you’d admitted, hastily, that you knew what it was like to lose your only friends. but something changed in levi after the death of furlan and isabel—he wasn’t just a flame, he was a forest fire, rearing bright and deadly.

you fell in love with him when he became a captain, a man of status that allowed him to hand pick the members of his squad. and though you thought you’d be stuck where you were, not standing a chance to be chosen for a squad of the strongest scouts, you’d been the first on levi’s list. perhaps, it was only because of the kinship he felt towards you, but you’d never be able to forget the way you’d smiled on your way home from the meeting, your new assignment reigniting the sort of giddiness you hadn’t felt since you were a schoolgirl with a crush. 

you fell in love with him when you understood him. when the bite that followed the end of his every sentence didn’t seem so menacing, so sharp when you realized that your words held just the same amount of bitterness. his quips, dripping with sarcasm, fell on your ears lightly, bringing a smile to your lips, spreading across your teeth as everyone else stared back at him like he’d grown two heads. levi would meet your gaze across the room and you’d swap a secret, a loathing for the system, even if you’d always be grateful that it brought you together.

you fell in love with him even when someone else proposed to you, a member of another squad that had been in love with you since you were cadets. where he’d gotten the courage after all those years, you weren’t sure. perhaps it was because he’d seen the way you stared at levi, or maybe it was because you drew closer to death every time you ventured outside the walls. you’d said yes in a panic, a regret that you’d never forget, because you were so afraid of being alone that you’d never considered that levi might have loved you too. 

you fell in love with him when eren jaeger came into the picture, and suddenly, all your quiet moments with levi didn’t seem to mean a thing, not when there was a new hope for humanity, and if you could just save this boy, keep him alive, then maybe you could be free. but levi turned a blind eye to you once you got married. his secret smiles were sparse, his eyes darkening when he lost soldier after soldier, but never you. suddenly, you were the last of the levi's original squad, but you might as well have been dead too, for you felt like a ghost in your own unit. 

you fell in love with him even when a ring rested on your finger, a glittering gold band that was too pretty to be worn by a such a gruesome soldier. levi’s eyes drew to it, sometimes, and it sickened you, made you want to cut off your own finger and feed it to a titan, because how shameful it was to have given yourself over to something you had never wanted. you went home to your husband, the one you didn’t love, and dreamed of a man with pretty blue eyes, born from nothing and known by all. 

you’d always be in love with levi ackerman. he’d just never be in love with you.

levi ackerman fell in love with you the moment he met you. 

he fell in love with you in the underground, the emotion hitting him like a tidal wave, unfamiliar after years of feeling nothing but the need to survive. when his eyes lifted, finally meeting yours with just feet between you, the sight of you had nearly taken his breath away. you were beautiful, more beautiful than anything he’d ever seen in his entire life, and suddenly, he understood how furlan could drone on and on about the woman he’d slept with, because levi could’ve written paragraphs about the way your steel coated tenderness could force even the strongest men to their knees. 

he fell in love with you in training, when you moved so smoothly, with so much more gracefulness than levi’s brash, aggressive movements. levi knew he’d picked up most things better and faster than anyone in the survey corps, but he was certain he didn’t look as angelic as you did slicing through the neck of a titan. perhaps he didn’t understand the reason you so dutifully followed orders, turning a blind eye to the darker side of the military. yet, there was something about you, something that drew levi to you and made him wonder if there was more to your polite smiles and softened voice that he wasn’t catching onto. 

he fell in love with you when he lost his friends, and you were the first person to acknowledge that he was, truly, alone. no attempts were made to sugarcoat it, to say that at least you still have the scouts, when none of them could’ve understood the depth of levi’s pain, the way he’d dreamt a better life for isabel and furlan that would never come to pass. your smile was, he’d thought, brighter than even the sun, the fiery emblem that he’d longed for his entire life. maybe the two of you were bad at understanding each other, but levi loved listening to you… even when you didn’t quite love listening to yourself. he could’ve sat for hours and heard everything you had to say, for you kept it to yourself too often. 

he fell in love with you when he became a captain, and he knew that he’d do anything to keep you close to him. you were a puzzle he couldn’t unravel, hot and cold and everything in between. you were a beacon of light, warm and welcoming, and yet, you kept people at a distance, facing the dark side of the planets that no one but you could see. you were gracious and caring, vocal about your hope for humanity, sparing love where you could, even if you shied away from it. there was something gentle about you, but when levi made a crude remark, you were the first to laugh, the first to drop your guard and speak to him without the upbeat inflection in your voice.

he fell in love with you when he understood you, and he saw that whatever hollow shape his heart had turned into, yours slotted right within it. there was something about you that was the same, your souls crafted from one star, slowly dying, but burning bright, intimidating and loathsome, all at once. if levi believed in soulmates, in the fate that was written in the constellations, he was certain yours would’ve been intertwined, beautiful and lonely, sides of a coin that seemed the very same. 

he fell in love with you when someone else proposed to you, the expression on your face telling levi everything he needed to known. you could’ve been happy with that man—he was cheerful and tender, loving and sweet—everything that levi was not. a human obvious with his affections, and perhaps, levi had been wrong all these years in thinking that you were the one for him. how could you be, when he saw the way your fiancé worshipped the very ground you walked on, kissed you without caring who was watching. levi could never be that sort of man. not when he was so private and silent, his love shown only in the way he protected you without fail, spoke to you in secrets he would never share with anyone else. 

he fell in love with you when eren jaeger came into the picture, and levi screwed his head back on straight, deciding he could no longer pine for a woman that was already married. he threw his mind back into a war, reminding himself that happiness was fleeting, but loneliness was not, and he needed to get used to that. levi lost the members of his squad, people he'd grown to call friends. still, he refused to speak with you, because he knew that he was a weak man. a softly spoken word from your lips would’ve broken everything levi had worked to protect himself from, the gripping emotion within his heart that wouldn't leave unless it cut it out with your own blade. 

he fell in love with you even when a ring rested on your finger, and you requested to leave the scouts because you were expecting a child. levi tried to stop his face from falling, tried to ignore the twisting of his chest. because, maybe, he’d stood a chance when there was nothing but a sheet of paper protecting your marriage, but a child...? levi ackerman was a selfish man, but not to that point. not when he knew he’d be a terrible father anyway, that he was a fool for thinking that was a life he deserved. levi accepted your request, and then asked you be taken off his squad if you ever chose to return. erwin, for all his lack of tact, had said nothing, simply nodding at levi with something akin to pity. 

levi would always be in love with you. you’d just never be in love with him.

[vitaminseetarot]

Butterfly PAC: What Will Your Next Falling in Love Feel Like? 🦋💕

Some think love can be measured by the amount of butterflies in their tummy. Others think love can be measured in bunches of flowers, or by using the words 'for ever.' But love can only truly be measured by actions. It can be a small thing, such as peeling an orange for a person you love because you know they don't like doing it. Marian Keyes

Sup y'all and welcome back to my free PAC readings! Thank you so so much for your patience with this particular post. It's been a busy week and it'll only get busier! I haven't done many love readings in the past as my readings focused solely on the querent. I decided to keep it simple and focus on that (frankly addicting) feeling of falling in love for the first time with someone.

There are four butterflies to choose from today to show you how it will feel like for you the next time you fall in love. If you're already with someone, this can represent how it feels when your partner does something truly special for you, what the right signal feels like.

As always you can choose more than one.

Pile 1, Blue Morpho Pile 2, Orange Monarch Pile 3, Red Peacock Pile 4, Emerald Swallowtail Pile 5, Purple Emperor

Pile 1: Blue (Morpho)

XVIII Moon; Rest, Inspiration, Let it Be, 28. Blessed Sight; X Wheel of Fortune, 5 of Pentacles, XIII Death, XIV Temperance

I pulled your oracle cards before your tarot, and before I did I said "this must be my Pisces pile". Then BOOM I got the Moon card dead center. You may be drawn to this pile if you have a lot or important Pisces placements, but I think it also very well describes the general energy of this pile.

Your next falling in love will be like a dream, or something that came from your dreams. Your person may remind you of someone you once met in your dreams even. It will feel as though your crush will be as a glowing light in the dark that warms you as you move forward into the unknown. If you're with someone, they could be showing up in your dreams more and more--there could even be a case of you both receiving signals about each other.

You're comfortable with letting fate be the guiding hand in you you'll meet next and what your partner will be like. Notice how in two cards we see closed eyes? One is resting, while the other is still walking to where she wants to go. There is a certain faith about this pile, you feel in your heart that the one you're seeking is out there and that you will not need to put yourself in uncomfortable situations to find them.

With this, sometimes you may falter and feel disheartened when you feel other people meeting their match while you're still watching the clouds roll by in the shape of your dreams. Fate combines both luck and change. Don't be afraid to sit back and let the process unfold before you. It doesn't mean you can expect your dream crush to come knocking on your door (although they could!), you can put yourself out there and mingle. This is an internal sense, adopt the intuition of letting the little guiding lights connect together and guide you when they are ready to.

Pile 2: Orange (Monarch)

XII Hanged One; Abundance, Pause, Determination, 11. Inspiration; XI Justice, King of Cups, 3 of Swords, 10 of Wands

This pile has likely had relationships in the recent past which may not have worked out. Or there were some romantic prospects where things didn't line up right. It seems like you're working on bringing yourself back into alignment where you can focus more on your personal goals in life. While there's nothing wrong with that, this question is about what it will feel like the next time you're in love. And I have to remind those who need this message that it's okay to take the time you need to recover.

But when you're finally ready to emerge back into the dating world, or if you're planning to, you will need to do so with open arms. Not the same as naïveté. Not the same as being in the same situations or patterns that didn't work out before. But you will need to push aside negative feelings telling you it won't work out again before you can move further with other singles. If you're in a relationship it's likely that your partner wants to see your emotional qualities more, they want you to open up so they can do the same. They want to work side-by-side with you and help you.

You're a strong individual when it comes to reaching your goals. With that said, it's okay to let others, specifically your next partner, help you out in areas you normally excel in. It will help loosen the tension a lot and bring ease to your abundance mindset. Support is with you and you don't need to do it alone. Let your crush carry some of the extra bags for you and help you relax. And don't think that by doing this you're somehow limiting yourself from reaching your future goals. If anything, your crush will help you move ahead. Your crush will want to see you CRUSH it in the board room. You will feel 100% backed and protected by your next love.

Also I wanted to add that when I did the reading for this pile, a little moth landed on my door's window and stared at me upside down like the Hanged One! Not a butterfly, but close enough! Moths talk about what you're intuitively drawn to, but also confusion following paths (since artificial light messes with their navigation). Let moths be your animal sign for when you're soon to meet your next love. They will help to guide you towards the better light.

Pile 3: Red (Peacock)

7 of Wands; Mystery, Desire, Wisdom, 24. Heal Thyself; 3 of Pentacles, VI Lovers, Queen of Cups, 7 of Wands (x2)

Pile 3, I'm glad I chose the beautiful red Peacock butterfly for your reading because this pile is incredibly bold! You got 7 of wands twice. It doesn't seem as though you're scared to stand out of the crowd to attract your next crush. Similarly, you want the same in your partner. You may be looking for someone who's strong and assertive, and maybe loves to put on a good show for people (as we have Mars in Leo here).

You could be into punk, or darker music genres. Your next love will be fiery, but won't show all their cards. They leave just enough detail for you to want to know more, I think they'd like to egg you on or tease you (but not in a mean way). This person could be way more intelligent than they may let on initially. You'll feel challenged by them, in a refreshing way. They may invite you to debate or play something competitive with them.

I think there's one thing that must be greatly noted with this pile, and that's remembering to stop and take some time for yourself. It doesn't mean stepping out of the dating scene. There's a fine line to walk between meeting someone who's very attractive at face level and the love that comes from genuine compatibility. Lovers speaks about integrating these two parts as one instead of thinking it's one or the other.

You also need to make sure to prioritize your own needs as well rather than get caught up in the heat of passion. I don't think this pile struggles at all with passion, but some emotional discretion is advised here. There could have been people surrounding past relationships who weren't really supportive of who you were with. Whether or not they were in the "right", it's left you a bit defensive over who you choose to be with. Please remember to take time away from every influence to listen to your own inner voice.

Pile 4: Green (Emerald Swallowtail)

King of Pentacles; Stop, Pause, Goals, 23. Big Picture; 2 of Cups, XVII Star, XIV Temperance, 6 of Cup

Oh wow, pile 4. Stop and Pause side by side, and then we have Goals on the bottom. Stopping goals! Says who?! Not you, Emerald Swallowtail, with the King of Pentacles in front. You must be a very career or school driven group. Money savvy, ambitious, and unafraid to chart unknown territory. You'll definitely be a catch for the next person you fall for.

Except it doesn't seem like you're in the mood for the dating scene at all. Not in the fun and casual sense anyway. You want someone serious and committed, right off the bat. Someone who's fiscally responsible and likely as driven as you. You want someone who comes right in, sits down, and presents themselves as a good partner as though they're interviewing for a job hoping the star will stand out of the pack. Mainly, you want to know exactly what you're in for before sticky things like emotions even enter the picture.

This pile seems similar to my pile 2. Maybe somebody in the past told you that as soon as you marry or get serious with someone, it's gonna affect your career or your stability and that sacrifices will inevitably be made. That seeking any kind of relationship is like stepping over huge boulders hoping your ankle won't fall through between the cracks. The thing is, emotions are already involved in this. Your next love will make you feel stable and secure, knowing that you don't have to push too hard to get by.

Moreover, your next love will LOVE that you're career oriented. They will not be threatened by your achievements. They can help you bring balance between the adult side of you that's disciplined and focused and the little kid in you who wants to play and explore. Your next love will help you expand beyond what you thought was possible in a relationship. You'll be half of a real power couple who can tackle anything together with forces combined.

Pile 5: Purple (Emperor)

6 of Wands; Ideation, Open Heart, Hibernation, 2. Understanding; XII Hanged One, 10 of Cups, Page of Swords, 7 of Wands

Hi, lovely pile 5! Your next love will simply make you feel like you're actually radiating. Notice all the little diamonds on the 6 of wands as well as the Ideation card? Your next love will feel more rare than diamonds, it will have you shining like one. There is such warmth with this pile, it's like the sense of having a good looking musician with a great smile gently guide your hand up on stage to let you be part of the show. Even if you're the shy type to stand back, your crush will rave about you enough to have you blushing. They'll root for your success even when you'd rather be modest.

I get with this pile that you may be slow to open up with new people, and that you would prefer to take your time in meeting someone serious. You may be just starting to dip your feet in the dating scene, perhaps for the first time. You're realizing that it's one thing to imagine what it'd be like to go out and meet new people, but it's another to actually do it. But I don't see any reason to worry too much here. Even if you come off as shy, people can sense the glow of your aura. You have a quiet but unabashed confidence and may attract that in your next partner as well.

If there's one thing I can advise for you, pile 5, is to avoid being over critical about who you would rather be or NOT be with. I mean overcritical about the little things. Try to avoid saying things like "I can't be with someone who chews too loud" because you could meet the love of your life where that happens to be their one and only flaw. If you allow compassion to rule here, then it will return back to you ten fold.

Your next love feels so smooth and romantic, your next crush will want to woo you. They will really go out their way to impress you and while they can be comfortable inside the house on rainy days, likely there will be chances to travel and share new experiences abroad. They'll love being with you but will work to warm you up to the wonders of life. They will yearn for your happiness, pile 5, your bliss will be their success! When your heart tells you it's safe, allow yourself to wander into a new adventure with someone who lights up your world inside and out.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2023, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[blommp717]

ever felt like your life is never gonna change no matter how much you learned about LOA and then ND? 😞 trying, not trying, experimenting, being, all for nothing over the past 4 years. i feel so demoralized..

Well I was gonna go to sleep but this really reminded me of myself and I wish I had someone to tell me what I’m going to tell you now.

Yes, multiple times, and that’s actually the reason I kept it going. With what I learned I knew I was incapable of loving a “normal” life. I’m unable to look at my world and see it as how I saw it before and I’m actually glad, even when I was struggling, even when I felt terrible, I would rather know that in the end it’s all me and there’s nothing truly to worry about.

I actually know exactly what you feel. I felt (being fully honest here) complete misery, deep pit in my stomach, it become so overwhelming I actually saw no point in being alive. I had become so deeply engulfed in the stories that only I was confirming, that only I was repeating, that no amount of care or love I was shown or laughter I felt would end up being enough. And all for what? People, I was triggered, I needed validation, I needed reassurance, but most importantly I needed what I wanted. A desire turned into something so serious that any opposition would completely set me off rail and leave me in a drained state for days and weeks.

It all accumulated to one big moment where finally, there was, no contact, and this is what truly helped me. I dropped the affirming nonstop day in day out to see a change, I focused on myself, but more importantly, understanding it all FOR ME, not for a desire or someone else. I made a promise that I would never allow anyone or anything make me feel that way in my life again and I kept that promise.

Now LOAssumption, or in more specifically , the way it was being taught was an enormous reason as to why I felt like I was in a loop, it felt limited, like I couldn’t break the loop of trying. And non-dualism was realizing that this entire “journey” was a big hollow play. Don’t get me wrong, your worries don’t suddenly vanish, you don’t stop feeling “negative” emotions forever and instantly, but now you have the information to truly realize why there is and never was anything to worry about.

If you TRULY take the information on my page and understand it, I promise you, you’d KNOW there was no reason to fear your past, fear failure, or be afraid of “what if it doesn’t happen”. Please my friends I say this with suuuuccchhhh importance, if I could do it, so can you, and it isn’t a long journey, or lonely hard path to push your way through

Because the finish line is right here

I’m not going to go into explaining what NonDualism is from the top all over again because I think I have plenty of posts you can read about it, but don’t just read, understand, and MOST IMPORTANTLY

Do it on your own, stop constantly consuming

[puraiuddo]

༺JazzProwl Fic Recs༻

— brought to you by puraiuddo -

This is by all means not a complete list of banger JP fics! It's my personal favorites—those fics that lodged themselves in my brain for one reason or another and never left.

Hopefully this list satisfies at least some of the sudden influx of interest for JP fics (and given how well rec'ing a fic turned out last time...) But, nah for real, not to make rec'ing fics fake deep or anything, but I think the fandom would be a better place if people were more unapologetically enthusiastic about fics and less afraid to interact with authors. So if you use this list to find some fics you have to promise to leave some unhinged comments! ٩("•̀ᴗ•́")و ̑̑

But before I start, I want to acknowledge the prevalence of potentially stereotypical depictions of Jazz in regards to his speech (❞), criminal/violent/sexual characterization (▾), or backstory/origins (⟲) in the JP/TF fandom. I've attempted to flag fics with the corresponding symbols above, because I'd like to recognize those problems while still rec'ing for a variety of other fantastic qualities. That said, I'm not infallible so please use your own discretion.

I've also tagged fics with "hiatus" if it's been a while between updates, but the author hasn't made a comment—these fics are especially important to interact with, b/c you never know if the author stopped posting b/c they weren't getting any reviews!

Now, without further adieu...

༺♡❦♡❦♡❦♡ -ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ- ♡❦♡❦♡❦♡༻

༺JazzProwl-centric༻

Mistakes on Mistakes Until— by jabberish

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 280,212 - Alt-War AU』

Ricochet's got a bad case of conscience and he's pretty sure it's about to get him killed. (aka I think I've read every defection/ex-Con au and now I'm forced to make my own. Jazz-centric.)

* (づ ᴗ _ ᴗ)づ♡ The crème de la crème of JP fics. I really can't properly articulate the sheer amount of love and respect I have for MOMU other than that if you haven't read it, your life is worse for it. Go read it. Then read it again. Now. (I've read it 4 times. No, I'm not joking) I love all the fics on this list dearly, but MOMU holds a very special place in my heart. Flawless characterization, flawless dynamics, flawless plot, one-of-a-kind writing style... it's got it all. Of note: I've not flagged it despite its premise, because it will expertly subvert your expectations and you need to read it to understand. Bonus: it's got a lot of well-deserved fanart!

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Untitled Series by Need2Scream

『(2/?) - ffn - Words: 158,064 - War AU - hiatus』

Where the Lonely Ones Roam - 116,327

"Say you have a little faith in me. Just close your eyes and let me lead. Follow me home. Need to have a little trust in me. Just close your eyes and let me lead. Follow me home. To where the lonely ones roam." Eventual Prowl/Jazz

Spark - 41,737 - hiatus

"Chase you deep into the unknown. In my dark, in my dark, you're the Spark."/ "Roam with me, come down to where all of the others fell. Get lost, in the dark to find yourself. Just remember what I said, 'cause it isn't over yet."/SEQUEL to Where the Lonely Ones Roam

*It's not clear by the summary, but the series is essentially about Jazz and Prowl's developing relationship as they overcome war-related trauma, intermingled with a spectacular amount of original lore. See the author's ffn bio for a rundown. The originality and attention to detail in the world building in this AU is awe-inspiring. There are 2 fics in the JP series, but the author has a bunch of other Gen fics set in the same AU and another on ao3. Bonus: some of the Gen fics are Jazz & Prowl-centric and can be read as romantic!

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Crime in Crystals Series by Aard_Rinn

『(7/?) - ao3 - Words: 258,030 - Crime/Hitman AU - hiatus - ▾ ⟲』

The Hitman - 6,942 - pt 1

Prowl is the last clean cop in Praxus, the final flickering light in the darkness. There are plenty of people who would like to see him snuffed.

2. The Clarification, 3. The Kill, 4. The Capture, 5. The Prime, 6. The Talk, 7. The Chase 8. TBD

*The main plot is broken into 7 separate fics, but it's all one continuous story. Read the whole thing! It's on my all time favorites. It's thrilling, tremendously action packed, and the character dynamics are some of my favorites. It's also hysterical and wholesome and I've reread it a stupid amount of times. Bonus: it's got fanart + there are 5 extra fics, including a Jazz-centric prequel, in the same AU.

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War Eternal Series by Hearts of Eternity

『(3/4) - ffn - 2m? idk it's insane - Bayverse War AU - discontinued - ▾ ❞ ⟲』

Where You and I Collide - 362,090 - prequel

Separately, Jazz and Prowl are like forces of nature- they are uncompromising and uncontrollable. But what becomes of their natures when these two unstoppable forces collide? Will one break the other, or will they both be stronger for it?

As We Come Together - 485,586 - pt 2 - Gen

While the surviving Autobots begin to flock to Earth in response to Optimus' call, trying to find a new home on the strange organic planet called Earth, some unfortunate bots are beginning to realize the price of war may have been too high. Sequel to Time

May We Never Let Go - 408,409 - pt 3 - Gen - d/c

Hell literally lies in wait above Earth as the Cybertronians and Earthlings coexist uneasily, rattled by every attack the Fallen and his master launch on them. With new evil rising, the powers that be on Earth and beyond are gearing up for war.

1. As We Come Together, prequel 2: Surface of the Sun

*Long, convoluted explanation coming up given that this series is obviously a whole different beast compared to likely any other fanfic series you or I have ever encountered in our lives... b/c the author is just superhuman or smth idk...

The series is officially listed as 4 parts (WYaIC, WTWHL, AWCT, MWNLG). Where You and I Collide is the JP-centric prequel to the other 3 Gen fics (that have substantial background JP). WTWHL is technically part 1 of the series, but it's sorta more character-focused ficlets than a continuous story... which is why I didn't specifically list it as a rec even if that makes things more confusing... (ᵕ¬ᴗ¬) Also the author didn't list Surface of the Sun as part of the series, but it's a direct prequel (like WYaIC) starring the Lambo twins and it's... oh it's so good... absolutely shatters my heart that it's been d/c'd.

I've not listed an exact world count, b/c if you want to read every bit of the AU with all its prequels and offshoots (which I would highly recommend and have done)... I'm not gonna do the math for you, sorry. The main 4-part story is ~1.7m+ which I realize is frankly insane and extraordinarily intimidating, but it is so sooo sooooo worth it. The author has created their own fully fleshed out TF world with its own lore and characters and the time and effort they've put into is mind-boggling .

Anywho, despite ultimately being d/c'd, the series is still tremendously readable and nothing about JP is left feeling unbearably unfinished. I also happened to track down the lovely author and beg for a summary of the ending, b/c I'm a bit of a freak and they very kindly provided it so if not knowing how a fic ends bothers you/prevents you from reading, you have the option of getting closure even if you can't have it written out.

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Fathomless by Sroloc_Elbisivni

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 19,949 - Fantasy AU - complete』

Jazz is drowning on dry land on the other side of the world. Once upon a time, before Jazz was born, the Rust Sea covered a swathe of Cybertron bigger than the territory of any city-state except Iacon. The sea had been more powerful than any engine besides the one at the heart of the planet itself, big enough to swallow a metrotitan in its depths, the birthplace of storms. Thing is, none of that was Jazz. He doesn’t remember those days, before he was himself, except in his dreams. And his dreams are terrifying.

*This fic makes me feel some type of way... it gives me shivers. It's so eerie and the premise is so unique. It's also beautifully bittersweet, which is a hard concept to pull off.

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The Judge by SilenceoftheLlamas

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 107,653 - Alt-War AU』

Prowl’s got a secret, and he’d rather be dead in the ground before he let anyone find out about it. Jazz’s got one too, but he’s not as good at hiding it. Prowl is a secret superhero, Jazz is a secret fanboy who doesn’t know that he works with the guy. By night Prowl is the virtuous hero The Judge, but by day he’s just an unassuming tactical officer.

*Jazz and Prowl are sorta painfully adorable in this fic and the JP is so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. Plus it's got a really fun premise with lots of shenanigans.

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Black on White on Black Series by pipermca

『(3/?) - ao3 - Words: 86,248 - fix-it, War AU - complete』

Anamnesis - 31,097 - pt 1

When Jazz and his team are lost on a mission, Prowl has to carry on alone. But a discovery a thousand vorn later could turn his life upside down again.

2. The Ghost of the Howling Plains, 3. Pulling Strings

*Super interesting sorta-kinda-fix-it fic and/or explanation for the events and characterizations in IDW. There are 3 stories in the main JP plot line. Bonus: there's 2 "Extras" fics for cut scenes from the main fics.

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Crystal Ghosts Series by Rizobact

『(2/2) - ao3 - Words: 85,688 - Fantasy AU - complete - ⟲』

Enduring as Crystal - 40,517 - pt 1

There were a lot of reasons Prowl visited the library. He never knew the most important one was waiting for him in the garden behind it.

Eternal as Love - 45,171 - pt 2

Prowl promised he would help Jazz, the ghost of the crystal chapel in the garden behind Praxus' central library. He just couldn't anticipate what shape that help would wind up taking.

*Another super unique premise! I love a good historical mystery and the imagery is specularly evocative! And I'm a sucker for the trope... which I can't reveal, because of spoilers.

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Untitled Series by Vaeru

『(2/2) - ffn - Words: 10,766 - War AU - complete - ❞』

Descant - 7,925 - pt 2

G1/Jux compliant. Requiem sequel. Prowl doubted that his desired image of Respected Superior Officer came across very well with a half-scrapped mech clinging to his hand, but he loomed as best as he was able and glared.

*Requiem is Jazz-centric and I'd say more of a prequel to Descant than Descant is a sequel to Requiem... if that makes any sense. Regardless of how you view it or what order you read it, it's fucking brutal. (-‿-“) Bonus: author also wrote another really great fic called Transformers: Juxtaposition which is Lambo twin-centric and OC-centric, but perhaps one of the only OC fics that I've ever enjoyed.

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Domino Milkshake by SilenceoftheLlamas

『oneshot - (1/?) - ao3 - Words: 24,886 - War AU - complete - ❞』

Jazz drunkenly pretends that he's dating Prowl. Only he isn't, and the mech is right behind him.

*It's a fake dating AU... what more can I say? I love the the begrudging developing romance and the meddling friends. Bonus: it's got fanart!

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Hunter's Spark by WandersUnderStarlight

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 43,645 - Alt-War AU - ❞』

Jazz disobeys orders to abandon the ruins of Praxus and runs into one of the Senate's dirty secrets.

*This author also has a few more JP fics that I enjoy like An Offer He Can't Refuse and Long Patrol. I gotta offer aisclaimer though: the fics are... fairly cliche and a bit OOC. Hunter's Spark is much more tame than the other two, though. They're all sorta a guilty pleasure of mine, because it's fun to enjoy Prowl being a bit of a BAMF and Jazz being a bit of a damsel on occasion even if objectively I understand why it's not everyone's cup of tea. ("￣▽￣";)ゞ But the author definitely deserves credit for creative and entertaining premises and a really nice writing style!

༺☆★☆★☆★-ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ-★☆ ★☆★☆༻

༺General༻

Little Brother by Meiza

『oneshot - ffn - Words: 64,542 - War AU - discontinued』

Prowl is infamous for being a logical, nigh emotionaless thinker who's better at battle calculations than interpersonal relationships. How he was roped into taking care of the last survivor of Praxus is anyone's guess.

*Prowl & Bluestreak centric, but Jazz has a solid amount of screentime. The subplot is pre-relationship, co-parenting JazzProwl and it's cute as hell. It's not 'officially' discontinued, but it hasn't been updated since 2010... so... At least it doesn't end in a cliffhanger. (╥﹏╥|||)

༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻

Things We Don't Tell Humans by SineadRivka

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 363,057 - Bayverse War AU - complete』

This was a first for us Autobots; never before have we come in contact with a species like these humans, so eerily similar to our own race and twice as tenacious as Sparklings. The question was, how far can we trust the humans with our culture? Some things have translated between cultures without much effort. Other subjects, however…

*Please note the tags! Also... I'll be honest that I mostly skip to the JP parts and main plot points in this fic as it's about a very ensemble cast and I'm not interested in TF humans ... so I can't entirely vouch for the integrity of the whole thing. (￢ω￢;)

༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻

Echoes of Messatine by MlleMusketeer

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 303,863 - Alt-War AU - complete - ▾ 』

Cybertron hurtles toward war, and only a handful of mecha see it. Not Megatron, whose inflammatory writings gain him agonizing attention from those on high. Not Ratchet, the Iacon Medical Center’s most prized practitioner, whose Dead-End clinic remains the worst-guarded secret on Cybertron. Not Overlord, whose iron hold over Cybertron’s underworld is beginning to falter. Not Orion Pax, whose concern over the sudden silence of one of his favorite writers drives him to take up his hero’s pen. Not Terminus, who only wants to survive. But Trepan and Senator Shockwave both know well what’s coming. One aims to use a defiant miner’s fall to crush the aspirations of the masses. The other wants to use that miner’s triumph to ignite them. Neither much cares about Megatron himself, or his ultimate survival. Therein lies their fatal error.

*Not clear from the summary, but the premise is essentially "what if Megatron got the matrix instead of OP" and how their pre-war lives would have to pan out for them to ultimately switch roles. Just a really fascinating, supremely well-done "what-if" fic, but also probably the weirdest one to put on this particular list, b/c JP turns into megatron/JP at the very, very end... but... I just kinda ignore that development since it happens in like almost literally in the last chapter and you can def read it as friendship up until that point... (¬⤙¬ ᵕ)

༺☓○☓○☓○☓○-ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ-☓○☓○☓○☓○༻

༺Mature༻

*listen... don't @ me. They're definitely saucy, but they're not explicit. Yada, yada... hey minors, don't read these! ...But we all know you will so just don't talk to me or anyone else about it, cool? Cool. (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Intermission by crabapplered

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 5,049 - War AU - complete - ▾』

As the war stretched on for interminable vorn, Prowl found himself faced time and again with the mounting stress of his position. Many of those times he was forced to face alone, the gear grinding stress sending him to Ratchet for system overhauls and forced defrags. But every so often he'd be fortunate enough to have Jazz on hand, and when he did, well, it didn't take much. Pressing Jazz up against the wall, cramming him into corners, pinning him facedown over Prowl's desk. It didn't matter as long he could keep Jazz still.

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Audition by crabapplered

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 12,783 - War AU - complete - ▾』

If one were to be delicate, one would say that Jazz and Prowl are incompatible. The blunt truth? 'You just lie there with this blank expression on your face,' he'd been told by his last partner. Signal had stayed longer then most, willing to try since Prowl was so obviously doing his best, interfacing to please his partner and give him what Prowl himself disliked. In the end, though, it hadn't worked. 'You don't like me touching you, you don't like the mess, you don't even like the overload, and half the time I swear you're running economic simulations in your CPU you look that bored. I don't want that. I don't want you miserable, and I don't want me miserable, either.' So why can't Prowl stop wishing?

༺♡❦♡❦♡❦♡ -ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ- ♡❦♡❦♡❦♡༻

That's all, folks.

ദ്ദി(｡•̀ω-)✧ ~Happy reading!

and for the shit tumblr search/tag system, i offer: #jazzprowl #jazzprowl recs #jazz x prowl #jazzprowl fic recs #jazzprowl fanfic recs #tansformers fic recs #tf jazzprowl #tf fic recs

[skyfallscotland]

Some updates since the last summary post. I didn't go to the convention on Sunday, but @caitm1 did and she said the workers told her that Rebecca's wrist swelled up from the amount of signatures she was doing (already, one day in!) and she had it taped up.

Rebecca also mentioned last night (Monday) at the second event I attended that she'd had a vestibular migraine just before and couldn't walk in a straight line a few hours ago, so I mean, I felt like I wanted to mention that first because as a chronically ill girlie I know how fucking hard it must be and I don't think a lot of fans appreciate what she does for us and how much she puts her body through.

Her signings this weekend were free and even though we paid for a ticket on Monday night, if you bought the ticket with the pre-signed book, that was at cost. $20 for a signed paperback. So yeah, just...I know it's a business, but she does a lot, ok. Don't be unappreciative of the extra mile.

Now, I recorded both Saturday's panel and Monday night's, I'm trying to figure out how to post it, but no website wants to cooperate with such a big file, so stand by, or like...help if you know tech things 💀

If you haven't seen my post with what we learned from Saturday's, it's here. Below is a summary of what we've learnt since then.

Bombshell alert: @caitm1 tells me that on Sunday, Rebecca said one of her original ideas for the end of Iron Flame was for Violet to become venin and not Xaden. *crickets* let's just take a moment here together... 😨

Honestly, I'm all for it, I low key feel like I would have liked that better, it would have been so good, but alas, we have venin-Xaden now, so we have to deal 🥲

Now, about Monday. A lot of the questions asked and things spoken about were the same as Saturday. The host picked the fan questions she asked and didn't really pick much that was plot or character related. She didn't pick any of mine and yes, I'm still mad about it. WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES

Here's the quotes, questions and tidbits I found interesting:

• Her editor for Fourth Wing and Iron Flame, is the head of Red Tower, so she's the publisher. I did not know this. I don't think I've seen this in practice before? She's also involved with the Amazon series because of this.

• "I'm not afraid of hurting you." That we already knew. 💀

• "Because we knew what had the television series when I was in edits, so we had to write out a synopsis and when I first thought it would be five books, I immediately sent the synopsis to my editor, who, you know, we sent it to Amazon because we needed to tell them; this is the definitive vision for the story. I can tell you, in Onyx Storm, I've already deviated from like...who I thought would pass in that book, as opposed to...I've already deviated some from that."

Sorry, what? Who was meant to die? My money is, as always, on Rhi or Garrick. You know I have thoughts/feelings about that. Look, if I've learned anything this weekend it's that someone important is going to die, a lot of people are going to die, ok? She's very frank about death and the realities of war and if you're worried about your favourite side characters for the next few books, well...you should be.

• She loves writing Ridoc. @yanny-77 no chance to ask about bodoc, sorry! 😂

• On Xaden and people's perception of him: "It's always funny because I always hear...he gets compared to Rhysand a lot? Xaden's like twenty-two at the beginning of Fourth Wing; Rhysand's like what? Five hundred? Ok, twenty-two, so it's very much like—it is a college. It's a college romance and that first love."

• She was surprised at how much people loved Aaric, given how little he's on-page.

• She also defended Dain again 🥳💗 #DainApologistsClub

• She expanded a little more on Jack. So perhaps what she meant on Saturday about his reasons, was simply that his reason will be touched upon in OS, but it's clear. "Jack's motivations are clear-cut, which makes him so easy to write. He's such an example of the hunger for power and what happens when you aren't selected for the power you think you deserve, which is one of the themes of Fourth Wing. So Jack's an easy character, he's straight-on."

• Are there any easter eggs that you put in the first two books that you don't think were caught by fans? "Violet's second signet! I totally thought it was obvious. Um, I did, to the point where my editor was like 'hey, we should probably put a line in here' and I was like dude no, people will catch it." Y'all know my thoughts on that so I'll stay quite over here in my corner.

Someone asked "what is it then?" and she replied, "no, no, no, now we're having fun with this, now."

• The hardest scene for her to write in Fourth Wing was the battle scene, because it was her first fantasy and so her first one. She wrote it and her editor said no, it has to be a little longer than this.

"So that was really hard for me to write, especially because in the moment she loses Liam, she has to get up and go. And I'm used to being able to give my characters this moment to grieve, this moment to take the news, this moment to absorb it and really feel it. And it's hard to get the reader to really feel that emotion when death is coming straight for you. So that was really difficult. And I was crying."

ME TOO, TBH

• If she was to describe Onyx Storm in two Taylor Swift songs, it would be Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? & So It Goes.

• If Empyrean was written in interconnected stand alones, she would have already jumped to Rhi or Imogen.

• Her favourite sections are the epigraphs that she writes above the chapter headings. "It's my most valuable real estate, the fact that you guys skip over them sometimes, I'm like—I'm wicked funny in there, ok?"

• If Violet and Xaden visited Australia, what would they do for fun? "I'd say go visit places they can't catch on fire. I guess they could find a beach." @empyrean-thrones there you go, we're on point! 😂

And that's about it! Happy theorising! 💗

It was a wild weekend, but so worth it. I was in my feelings a lot. I hope you guys get a chance to meet her or hear her speak in person one day, too 🫶

[lemontunasoup]

2024 game journal entry ✨️

I grew up with the Final Fantasy series, so delving into its newest entry was a great adventure.

Pages written out under the cut.

Final Fantasy XVI logged into the game journal.

Full post under the cut.

Final Fantasy XVI

Start date: 12/16/2023

End date: 2/5/2024

Platform: ps5

Hours played: 137 hours

Positives:

- characters were compelling, and I genuinely cared about them

- lore was very engaging

- combat felt fun and snappy

- side quests were engaging and fleshed out the world a lot!

Negatives

- very easy to get over-powered very quickly

- a LOT of side quests! I loved the lore but sometimes it was hard to get back to the main story

- no chocobo theme :(

Final Fantasy is a series I've grown up with. I remember sitting on the floor of my cousins playroom at 9 years old, both of us freaking out over how much we loved Squall. Despite that, it's been a while since I genuinely enjoyed a modern Final Fantasy title, so I went into this with cautious optimism, and I was greatly rewarded with a game I thoroughly loved!

When I heard the phrase "mature Final Fantasy" I was afraid it would be misery porn. A lot of the time people seem to think of "mature" as frit, gore, sex, profanity, and death for deaths sake because the equate maturity to misery. Nit only did this game avoid being overly miserable and edgy, but it leaned into themes of hope and positivity while not straying from themes of grief. It was a refreshing approach.

I had one gripe with gameplay, and that was I felt very overpowered early on. I quickly fixed it by only doing plot necessary fights and leaning into story over playing around in the field. Sometimes the side quests felt like they pulled away from the main story during moments of urgency (even if I loved the side quests) which sometimes made the pacing jarring. I can't, however, imagine the game without them. They breathed an incredible amount of life into the world, so I learned to enjoy them as breaks and a breather between action.

Something I really valued was how the game set up a villain to be BIG and IMPOSING, a threat to be reckoned with, and time after time it delivered on that feeling. No boss or built up force felt like it was a let down. If an event was shown to be life or death, it truely was life or death!

"It wasn't a good death we should be fighting for, but a better life."

I didn't expect to love Clive as a character as much as I did, but I'm a sucker for a man who goes through unspeakable trauma and comes out the other end kind. It was also nice to finally have an older protagonist.

While talking about characters, I found myself feeling deeply for all of their struggles. The world felt big and lived in, and the characters themselves felt alive. Towards the beginning, when Cid died, I remember thinking, "wow this is actually rough. I really liked Cid!" I remember thinking, "the deaths of any more main characters would be painful as I get to know them more is THAT hurt!" So I was hoping it wouldn't happen! And oh boy... this game isn't afraid to kill it's darlings.

By the end, I was sitting with my mouth hung open like "oh okay, they really just did that."

But I think it was the perfect ending, the only way to end a game that places importance on life after grief, on a legacy, on choosing your own life AND death, on planting a seed you'll never see grow into a tree.

"My dad always said there's two ways to live life; chasing after a dream or slowly shuffling to your grave"

Sometimes, I need that message of hope. Humanity is messy. We don't have a reason to go on, but we do. We reach out for a shoulder to lean on and keep going even if it seems hopeless to do so long down the line.

That part is very much true.

[livelaughghoul]

Lewis Hamilton - Birth Chart Analysis

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only, nothing observed or taken away from this should be considered fact. As a reminder, I know fuck all about Formula 1, I just like fast cars (DALE EARNHARDT LIVES ON IN MY DREAMS, GOD BLESS AMERICA). 

Additional disclaimer: I am fucking tired y’all. My week at work has been actual hellfire, and I started my summer classes so I am back to averaging like, three hours of sleep a night and I am overworked, underpaid, and barely surviving (I am NOT thriving). I did NOT dive into the aspects of his chart, honestly, I am exhausted and posting this literally in the middle of the night. As soon as I finish this, I am knocking out for the foreseeable. If anyone really wants, I will look at the aspects, but my eyes are starting to hurt. I’ll get to his tarot reading sometime after I wake up. 

Anyway, here is my look at Lewis’s birth chart, since there seemed to be a lot of interest in his overall chart, I went ahead and dove in much deeper than I have on the others. If there is more interest in this, I am happy to do this for others as well. Unfortunately, I am not able to promise the accuracy of these, as a majority of the charts will be done using UTC unless there is a reliable birth time provided anywhere. 

THE PLANETS:

Sun - Capricorn 

A Capricorn Sun to me is like a warm summer day with a perfect breeze, a feeling of coming home after a long day at work, and a perfectly baked apple crisp. It’s reliable, strong, and levelheaded. With this placement being ruled by Saturn, there is a lot of attention paid to time, how long it has taken to accomplish goals, the milestones, etc. I have no doubts that Lewis is the type to remember those important dates and want to make them important. Lewis has a long-term plan and has it planned out in an incredible amount of detail. The goat is applicable in all terms, steadfast, balanced even in the uncertainly, and stubborn.

Moon - Cancer 

I get the sense that Lewis opens up slower, but when he develops trust with someone it takes a lot to break it. There is so much protective and loyal energy with this placement, I have no doubts that once Lewis finds his people, he does everything in his power to ensure they feel valued and protected. Lewis has a gentle heart, and he loves deeply, like DEEPLY. There is a lot of emotions there, and with a Cancer in Moon there is a a tendency to almost be afraid to feel these emotions because they can be overwhelming. I think that Lewis has done the work necessary though to embrace being as emotional as he is, and there is a sense of power in the emotions he feels. 

Rising - Scorpio 

This is such an intense and petty rising sign, I love it. I also just have a soft spot for literally any Scorpio placement (even toxic men with a scorpio sun). In terms of rising, it’s a lot of resourceful placement, Lewis probably feels a sense of calm when he is in charge and feels that he has control. The one downside to a Scorpio rising is that there is a bit of a temper, like, it takes a lot to set it off, but my god, when it gets going, it’s a verbal tearing down that you would not expect. It’s got people walking away thinking about the things said for hours. 

Mercury (Planet of intelligence) - Sagittarius 

This is really nice placement, but it tells me that Lewis absolutely hates any sort of censorship or PR training. Real big jack of all trades in terms of hobbies, and a natural ability to just pick things up and be absolutely amazing at them. Knitting? One youtube video and hes a professional. Baking? No problem, practically a professional from the one time he read a blog online. Lewis is always open to learning new things and challenging himself. I have no doubts that this man is full of wisdom and grace. 

Venus (Planet of love and pleasure) - Pisces

Again, Lewis is in-touch with his emotions, and is so devoted to those that he deems worthy of his heart. While his chart does indicate that there is a tendency to have a bit of a temper, I have no doubts that once there is a spark there, he is the most gentle and kindhearted man there is. He is devoted and will cherish you with his everything. Unfortunately, there is sometimes a lot of self-sacrifice that comes with this placement that can make relationships difficult in the long run. 

Mars (Planet of physical energy) - Pisces 

I personally find this to be a pretty intense placement. It’s not necessarily due to the physicality of it, I just think that there is a lot of emotion that comes with Pisces, and when it clashes with the physicality of Mars, it can be hard to balance them out. I think that there is a tendency to shoulder others' issues and make them his own. Since Lewis is so in touch with his emotions, I think that there is a deeper and better understanding of what he needs to feel stable in a relationship.

Jupiter (Planet of luck, optimism, and success) - Capricorn 

This is an interesting placement, for a few different reasons. It’s one of my less preferred placements, but it’s definitely not the worst out there! The success in Lewis’s life can truly be attributed to his hard work and dedication. This also tells me that there is going to be longevity to the success, it isn’t just going to end. 

Saturn (Planet of responsibility)  - Scorpio 

Saturn here brings a lot of obstacles, but a lot of them tend to be on the emotional side of things rather than physical. Either there is going to be a huge disagreement between him and someone close to him that blows up into public attention, or this has already happened. This brings back some of that stubborn influence that we see in some other placements, his career is going to be something that lasts well past retirement, it isn’t just going to fizzle out. Retirement isn’t going to be traditional at all, his career is going to extend well past his driving days. 

Uranus (Planet of change and originality) - Sagittarius

Even when faced with change, Lewis is going to handle it with grace. We start to see some of the more unconventional beliefs here too, this tells me that there is a lot of spirituality and reliance on the self and manifestation. 

Neptune (Planet of mystery and illusion) - Capricorn

Lewis, the man that you are. I love a Capricorn Neptune because it is whimsical, driven, passionate, and truly in touch with the natural world. There is a lot of dedication to the self and others with this placement. There is so much hope and desire to understand the world at large and how it works with this placement. With Lewis being so connected to his emotions, I think that there is a lot of emotion tied into this placement as well. There is a lot of balance and self-soothing that can be done through this specific placement. 

Pluto (Planet of death and rebirth) - Scorpio 

Pluto is interesting. I definitely think that there is a lot of passion here, like a lot. Going back to everything else in his chart, this really kind of ties it together really well. I think that there is a lot of balance here. I mean, there is a lot emotion and passion everywhere in the chart, and then we get to this? Where it kind of becomes this overwhelming desire and passion to get their own way. 

THE HOUSES:

First house (House of Self) - Pluto, Saturn, and Southern Node

Saturn in the first house tells me that there is a lot of weight placed on Lewis’s shoulders, the majority of it being there by his own doing. Lewis values hard work, and it really shows through his entire chart. Pluto shines through in more of the personality than the work ethic, Pluto in the first brings this natural charism and charm, that welcomes people in and attracts them naturally. The Southern Node here is pretty brutal, and I think a lot of it comes down to how much emotion is carried through the chart. With the Southern Node here, it can be easy to inadvertently hurt others through words or actions. 

Second house (House of Possessions ) - Uranus and Mercury 

I love Mercury here because we are literally seeing it in real time. There is a luxury to it, an ability to continue pushing the boundaries and just build more financial security and comfort. If it’s something that he believes will make his life easier, he has no problem dropping a pretty penny. I also love Uranus in this placement, because again, we literally see it. It’s typically seen in making great finances in an unconventional career (I would argue and say professional motorsports is unconventional). I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that he has an antiques collection or at least an interest in the vintage or antique world. 

Third house (House of Communication) - Neptune, Sun, and Jupiter

Lewis will have a natural talent for being well-spoken and eloquent in his speech and finds it easy to build a connection with others. There is a lot going on in this house, so I think that there may be a tendency to be disorganized in thought more so than anywhere else. Since Jupiter is the planet of luck, I definitely think that Lewis could talk himself out of any sort of trouble. He just needs to find a mutual connection and it’s game over. I don’t think Lewis would be the type to take advantage of this natural ability to charm others, but I do think there might be a tendency to weaponize it when he is feeling wounded. Neptune brings a lot of balance here, and really furthers the belief that he is a spiritual babe! I have no doubts that Lewis finds the occult to be interesting! I would literally give anything to have a chat with him over some occult ideals. 

Fifth house (House of Creativity and Sex) - Venus and Mars 

LITERALLY THE BEST FUCKING PLACEMENT. We have the planet of pleasure and love in the same house as the planet of energy and assertiveness. Venus tells us that Lewis is a natural romantic, and he knows how to make someone feel like they are the center of the universe. Paired with Mars, we see that there is almost an impulsivity to this romantic aspect of things, and that competitive nature comes through. He is going to be the best thing that has happened to someone, he will make damn sure of that. 

Seventh house (House of Marriage and Partnership) - Northern Node

I love the Northern Node here, truly. I’ve said it already, but I’ll say it again. Lewis Hamilton is willing to commit, to his career, to friends, to partners. He is not afraid of commitment at all. This natural charm that he carries is so infectious. He absolutely is going to be the best husband out there, like holy shit. 

Eighth house (House of Death and regeneration, and legacies) - Chiron 

I don’t love the wounded healer being in this house, like at all. To me this symbolizes holding onto things that he should not, likely leading to a festering rage. As I stated earlier, it likely takes a lot to get to the point where Lewis feels that it is necessary to end a relationship in any capacity, it is going to cause a lot of personal pain and bring up a lot of challenges. 

Ninth house (House of Mental Exploration) - Moon 

Lewis is a philosophical man at heart, I have no doubts that when he gets on a topic he is passionate about, he gets deep. I love this placement for him, because it usually means a lot of success in travel, and it’s my understanding (I am sorry for my lack of f1 knowledge guys), that he is constantly traveling. 

[monstrousproductions]

not an archive submission, just an ask that exceeded the inbox limit!

i’ve spent all afternoon re-listening to the last several episodes of the silt verses and just wanted to say how FLOORED i am by your rane portrayal. SO GOOD. i know you’ve already heard a lot of this from other listeners but truly. so fucking good. obviously an incredible amount of the work can be attributed to jon and muna being excellent writers and sound editors, but right now i’m listening to that last scene in chapter 44 and i just. love it so much. the slow build of tension.. it’s incredible how well you captured rane’s changing perspective and attempts to placate faulkner, how there’s such a visceral combination of earnestness and blatant manipulation – all of the PAUSES. the pauses and the hesitation all have their own unspoken meanings. on my first listen, i knew rane was doomed from the moment the door was locked, but the way you and b narr played this political dance with each other.. ough. fantastic. it was less a feeling of “maybe they’ll get out of this” and more “oh god, they’re trying so hard.” one of my favorite things about the silt verses is how compellingly it fleshes out the ensemble cast & i definitely felt that with rane’s arc. political fantasy drama and dangerous conversations are always my FAVORITE things in media, you (and b and jon and muna) knocked it out of the PARK.

thank you for your work! i’m looking forward to exploring your own monstrous productions ^-^

- - - -

Thank you so much!! I get submissions very rarely so am not quite sure if I’m posting this right 😅 I really really appreciate you getting in touch, the response to Rane has been so wonderful - it’s always lovely to hear from people who’ve enjoyed listening to them as much as I enjoyed playing them!

Truly there cannot be enough praise heaped on Jon, Muna and B. for their parts in those scenes. TSV is far and away one of my favourite pieces of fiction in any genre, any medium, and its down to the incredible work from everyone on both sides of the microphone. Jon and B. were also just fantastic to work with as director and scene partner respectively, I had such a blast recording with them!

Also I’m delighted you felt the pauses/silences so strongly! Jon writes quite differently than I do, I think because he’s writing for other people to act from - I can just write ‘beat’ or ‘pause’ and know what I mean whereas he has to get his actors to understand what’s happening emotionally in the scene. So there were quite a few moments where the script would say something like, “Rane gives Faulkner a confused look” or something and I’d be like ….. well how the fuck do we make that audible 😂 But I think we pulled it off! It’s important in audio to not be afraid of those pauses and silences that help the emotions of a scene come through, and I think Jon does that brilliantly 😍

[thornswoggled]

on chises family, “a storm brewing in the east,” and future arcs

[ive written this post before, but its due for a refresh. now that jasper has been introduced, the whole last half of that post is moot, and i have additional thoughts on chika as well as more context on my thoughts on yori.]

now that fumiki is back in the picture, id like to theorize that yuuki hatori will soon follow. [see post: yori is fumiki and heres why.] more attention being paid to chises life in japan [ch 50, 75], chise wondering why her father “abandoned his role" [ch 57], and elias expressing curiosity over the circumstances that led her to meet seth [ch 74] are all hints towards yuukis story coming to light

one thing TAMB does that i love is how tertiary characters are facsimiles meant to help us understand our main characters. for example, all the dysfunctional pairs we see in the first arc that we are meant to compare and contrast elias and chise to, all in various ways that help us understand the ways their relationship might evolve. these minor characters may seem unimportant, but are preparing us to accept developments in the main cast. i believe there are two characters in the college arc that are prepping us for yuuki hatoris story - seth noel and adam sargent

lets first address fumiki, who ill just call yori. yori seems to have mastery over his eyes, which “have the power to bind [fae]” according to gabriella [ch 51]. this is a power both he and yuuki have, which protects chise and chika for a time. however, chika implies that he didnt always have this ability, or perhaps didnt have the sight at all until he became involved with her. which is strange, considering yori has a “family business” important enough to require he study abroad to train for:

[sources: ch 19, ch 98]

(id like to note that this line about training is almost certainly a result of his "reeducation" in italy, as we already know that his true purpose was to audit and replace simon. but i think theres at least a kernel of truth to it)

lets run with the idea that yuuki started off with weak or nonexistent powers. have any other men in this series been booted from their families because they lacked the skill?

[source: ch 63]

its possible that this “family business,” assuming it exists in truth and is not a fabrication of yoris brainwashing (which i dont think it is, considering he seems specialized in exorcism), eventually learned that yuuki acquired his binding powers, as well as a child with the same ability. again, are there are other men who are forcibly dragged back to their family, to the detriment of their young daughters?

[source: ch 83]

theres a few reasons why i think such care and time was put into the backstory of philomelas family. chise has done much of the character growth thats possible for her at this time, and attempts to “fix” philomela as a way of fixing herself. she projects on her, and for good reason too, since we are meant to compare them almost 1:1. i believe that the amount of time sunk into adam sargents story is meant to warm us up to understanding yuukis situation, regardless of whether we are meant to forgive him for his abandonment. seths story, too, introduces us to the idea of magical families booting their unworthy kin. which leads us to:

[source: ch 42]

going back to the screencap for the beginning, lets give yuuki the benefit of the doubt and assume hes being truthful when he promises hell be back one day. this phrasing is really interesting, and i feel like it implies yuuki knows the place hes going is dangerous. if hes returning to his family, or to some sort of organization (which i say because yori is part of the church), perhaps hes afraid that theyll be taken advantage of. or… maybe he was just lying! there is very little we understand about the church, so there are all manner of reasons why yuuki and yori may have ended up involved with them

regardless of reason, i dont believe that yuuki left because he wanted to. rather, i think he was being summoned. lets look at this little fae that appears twice, just pages apart:

[source: ch 42]

this weasel-like creature appears as soon as yuuki gets home in the first instance, and appears again immediately before yuuki packs up to leave. it looks distinctly different from the abstract, blight-like monsters that trail this family day to day, and id like to theorize that it is specifically keeping tabs on yuuki. in my theory post about yori, i wrote that the fox yori keeps in a tube [ch 51] is a kuda-kitsune, a sort of familiar kept by soothsayers. another word for this type of creature is 飯綱, or izuna, which is read in modern japanese as... the least weasel! yamazaki has solidified her reputation as someone who doesnt shirk on research, and i think this linguistic connection is enough to suppose whether the weasel that summons yuuki home came from the same source as yoris familiar

now, to discuss something i neglected to mention in the first version of this post. the ways in which we can compare philomelas and chises families doesnt end with yuuki. not only is alcyone a sort of elias, but iris is a sort of chika. id like to start with noting that iris' backstory of having been sold by her parents is a reflection of the original backstory yamazaki wrote for chise in the first drafts of TAMB. the dregs of chises old backstory finally gets used when iris' story is revealed:

[sources: merkmal, ch 83]

iris and chika are two mothers who deeply love their children, but are doubtful that they will be able to protect them when it counts:

[sources: ch 83, ch 42]

this next part might be a little controversial, but id like to take a look at the scene when chika snaps. specifically, the way her inner voice is framed:

[source: ch 42]

the black mist that we see in the apartment is similar to other depictions of malevolent magical energy weve seen before, such as the blight elias creates just one chapter before in ch 41 when he languishes over chise leaving him. it also seems to be pouring in from the same window where we've seen the weasel hanging out. the way chikas intrusive thoughts are depicted as a separate, shadowy figure is also remarkably similar to chises inner voice that tells her to kill the nucke-lavee:

[source: ch 61]

its possible that the voice that urges chika to kill chise is coming from somebody else entirely. like how chises curse[s] urge her to violence, i think theres a chance that someone wanted chise and chika to die, but didnt want to get their hands dirty. after all, if the family yuuki left behind died, he would stop trying to leave to reunite with them or retrieve them. being able to frame their deaths as a result of his abandonment would also be great manipulation fodder if he was summoned to wherever he went against his will

to be a naysayer of my own theory, i think it would cheapen chikas death if it turned out that she was not wholly responsible for her own actions. it would also make chises refusal to forgive her less impactful if it... literally wasnt her fault. but the way her attempt to kill chise is visually depicted makes me think theres a nonzero chance she truly didnt want to do it

lets take a look at the way iris' and chikas deaths are depicted:

[sources: ch 83, ch 42]

the visual of billowing curtains was often used in early chapters when it wasnt yet clear what happened to chises mother, and it gets used again when iris dies. and just as chika throws herself off the balcony, alcyone leaps through the window with philomela. im also stuck on the line of "we messed up and let his daughter escape." i dont mean to imply that i think we should hold up philomela and chises respective backstories as 100% 1:1, but they are remarkably similar in terms of broad plot points. if the same force that compelled yuuki to leave also compelled chika to get rid of the remains of yuukis old life, i wonder why it is that no one ever directly tried to kill chise again. did they lose track of her when she began moving from home to home?

speaking of... do we know whether chika took yuukis surname when they married, or the other way around? japanese law requires spouses to have the same last name, but husbands will sometimes take their wifes name. as far as i know, theres no explicit confirmation that the hatori family chise stays with in the OVA are related to yuuki or chika. just as seth changed his name when he was driven from the webster family, it could be that yuuki distanced himself from his past by taking chikas name. after all, if the hatoris who care for chise are truly so fed up with her, why would they not attempt to track down yuuki and "return" her if hes their relative?

(by the way, what yuuki did in taking fumiki was legal. japan is only just now going to start allowing joint custody in 2026, "parental child abduction" was not illegal at the time we're to suppose TAMB takes place, and yuukis disappearance can be considered an instance of jōhatsu. i just think its important for cultural context, because as a western reader i know i tripped up on "wait, WHY was yuuki allowed to do that without consequence?")

do i think that yuuki will ever physically appear in the story again now that fumiki has? i would love him to, but i dont know that chise will ever be allowed the closure of seeing his point of view:

[source: ch 42]

theres such a sense of finality to this line. just as philomela was only able to speak to her father in the form of a curse taking his shape, i dont know that chise will have the luxury of meeting yuuki again. theres a strong possibility that hes already dead, especially if he persisted in attempting to reunite with the rest of his family. frankly, i always thought he looked unhappy with his life in the scenes from ch 42, but his instinct in wanting to bring chise with him makes me believe that only death would ensure he never tried to see or support her again. though, if this is a safe space for me to express a little self-indulgence:

[source: ch 51]

we still dont know who sent yori to audit simon. the church is such a large organization ("a loose collection of private armies," as gabriella puts it in this same chapter) that yori being taken to be reeducated by another branch of the same organization that sent him to audit simon in the first place is not unusual or contradictory. let me first state that i dont think yori has ever been aware that he has a sister, or that he knows chise is in any way related to him (again, this post supposes that yori is fumiki). but in my heart of hearts, in my very soul, i do think it would be just so wonderfully dramatic for yuuki - or any member of his family, for that matter - to send yori off to ensure that elias, and chise by association, are under the watchful eye of someone they can more reliably control. if chise was not worth anything to them when chika died, perhaps their interest in her is piqued now that shes a mage-in-training under the apprenticeship of a vastly powerful creature. even if its not yuuki trying to figure out what the deal is with the mage who bought his daughter, perhaps his family is interested in how she can contribute to them

again, to be a naysayer to my own theories before someone else can be, i doubt that yoris reeducation and months-long stay with simon would be overlooked if a member of yuukis family sent him for the initial auditing. though theres a chance alonza had a hand in making sure his stay with simon continues. we just have to wait and see

under what context might we meet the rest of chises family? i have some ideas, but this soon into the arc everything is too subject to change. im also not convinced any of this will be addressed in the fiendbane arc. after all, yori was first introduced at the beginning of the college arc, and is only now becoming relevant. so all of this may only be laying the groundwork for yuuki to return in another arc, if not this one, which already has a lot cooking with the dragon, the new mage, etc. but then again, we get oberons little prophecy:

[source: ch 99]

it doesnt seem that oberons phrasing in the JP text matches what the great wall of china is called in japanese, but i dont think we are meant to interpret "a distant land" in any way other than japan. yamazaki has a quirky tendency to refer to japan in her works as a faraway land in the east, which extends to spinoffs like wizards blue

with the growing interest elias has expressed in chises life before she met him, and with the appearance of yori, perhaps we will learn more about yuukis story and circumstances when the brewing storm finally breaks. her family may even have something to do with it! but i doubt that any of this will come to fruition during the current arc. so until we get the next arc several years from now... ill leave you with this theory!

[bubblybloob]

Hey, so this kind of turned into a vent. Be wary going in, but it’s important if you engage some with my stuff. I think I’ve been thinking about it more as btg has become more active, and wanted to get it all off my chest.

I’ve wanted to bring this up for a while now, after my popularity grew. I’m sure some people have noticed my lack of joy at the 500 followers milestone, and the 600 one, but it’s a bit more complicated than on the surface.

So, there was something I haven’t really mentioned. It wasn’t ever really a secret, I just didn’t feel it was important, and was always taught it was dangerous to talk about and to dance around the subject if brought up. But I’ve noticed that the people on Tumblr find this kind of important to know when interacting. I know people on here can get really hostile, and this kind of became a secret because of that. I don’t know if it’s bad that I haven’t said anything or not, but I thought I should still make a post anyway.

So, I’m, in my country, since I know it might be younger or older in other places, a minor.

Okay most important stuff first. Yes, I’ve said or drawn mildly suggestive stuff, that’s mostly because I’m very unaffected by it and find it more amusing (I might be a little ace idk), though I do purposely keep stuff I make mostly tame simply because like- still technically a kid. I’ve seen stuff far more suggestive from afar before and just nod and say “mm, yes, that exists” and indifferently move the hell on with my life.

Being part of the STP community has been really strange for me and not all in good ways. I hate hate hate people looking up to me, or being jealous, or having anxiety talking to me because- in my head- I’m just doing everything and talking to everyone I can because I like making stuff and talking to people, and I feel so uncomfortable up on this pedestal where I’m held so high, but if I make one wrong step I’ll have tomatos thrown at me. It’s a really claustrophobic and isolating position and feeling and it makes me feel sick, anxious, stressed, and really really scared.

I like the community I’m in and friends I’ve made, but I’m really afraid I’ll say something unusual or wrong or maybe even offensive since I don’t know everything I’m supposed to say or do. I don’t know how to act when someone’s depressed, I don’t know how people feel about shipping, or designs for characters who canonically don’t have a physical appearance, or what the opinion is on all of the nsfw content. I do the Homer Simpson bush meme whenever I see it pop up because if there’s something that I do know, it’s that people don’t want minors reading their blorbos being sexy with each other.

(Side note: The amount of times I’ve accidentally clicked on an explicit fic thinking ‘Oo what’s this’ and then seeing what’s going to happen is… not staggering, actually. But enough for me to laugh in hindsight. I scroll to the bottom to read the comments to confirm my suspicions, and get the hell out. Happened with the same fics multiple times too because I forgot they were explicit and that I’d encountered them in the first place, wondered why I never read them and then boom, flashback, I never read the description like the fool I am).

And there’s the thing isn’t it. Some parts of fandom culture, it feels like all I can do is mess up. I just don’t know how I can handle all the fear of this attention?

Like, I don’t hate it. I like interacting, I like that people love my art despite my grievances with parts of my style, I’ve been so motivated to grow and get better because of everyone. You can all look at my oldest STP post and newest one and see the differences plainly.

But it’s really so much, and I’m as grateful as I am terrified. I’m terrified of hurting someone’s feelings when I don’t mean to. Like, what if I follow someone and they get excited because I’m a “big name” and then I decide to unfollow for whatever reason I might have at the time? I might crush that person’s soul or want to interact.

Despite my willingness, I do have problems with some ships, but I can’t voice any because what if I start a big argument with a bunch of people involved instead of the normal discussion I wanted to have? People are more likely to take my side because I’m the popular person, and we all know popular people are always right about everything and we must regurgitate their opinions without any thought put into how you actually feel. And then I’ll make whoever I was talking to retreat for a really long time, and everything will be awful and terrible forever and ever.

I can’t do that to people! I’ve been those people! I’ve was told things by people I looked up to and would get so so so upset, because I’m really emotional. I don’t want to hurt someone who might be sensitive like me.

I really just wanted to get all these feelings off my chest. Sorry if it got pretty venty. I’m open to discussing it, I’m still really scared to post this, it’s my only ever vent post, but I’ll try not to just save it in my drafts and let it rot.

[bleue-flora]

Would you agree that between c!dream and c!punz, c!punz seems to be the more crueler. I was talking to another blog about it, and we spoke about the final lore streams where c!punz didnt care about c!clingys problems, most notably c!tommy almost taking his own life in exile (but then again he is desensitized to death cuz revival book lol) But, c!punz was the one to stick to the revival book plan near the end while c!dream opened up and showed vulnerability. I have seen a lot of fics characterize c!punz as being the one to be more softer and less inclined to hurt others for a goal, but after seeing the final streams I can't help but feel like its the other way around. I'm really curious on your take about it, and its fine if you disagree. Also really love your blog, you seem like such a kind person :)

Hmm ok well here are my thoughts on the matter at the moment, however as I rewatch more lore I might change my opinion.

Well in regards to c!Punz not caring about clingy duo’s problems, you’re assuming he hasn’t heard it before. We don’t know if thats new information, it’s possible c!Dream told him about the tower. In fact, since he was often still apart of the smp and conversations going on it’s very likely he’s heard a lot of what they said already. He’s a spy after all, it’s his job to know things.

Secondly, it’d be very hard to be empathetic to someone about themselves almost killing themself over a year ago when they just broke into the prison and murdered his friend. The revive book and such has clearly corrupted both of their empathies seen in their experiments. So, c!Punz already has a lack of empathy or at least is desensitized, the last person I’d expect him to sympathize with would be his enemy, especially when clingy duo weren’t really hearing what he had to say. I mean it’s insulting to be ignored after lying and hiding for so long and finally be able to share your opinion, but also the fact that clingy duo (and others) really thought he was cold enough to betray his friend for a measly amount of money to the point they question when it turns out to be fake. I mean that’s pretty offensive.

On that note though, it is also important to point out that those conversations in the finale are in his ‘evil role persona’ just like c!Dream he’s playing a part - one of the greedy mercenary just in this case for power. So if he seems cruel that’s intentional. Though I will say, he does give c!Tubbo and c!Tommy plenty of steak when they ask, which does say something, with this being c!Dream’s response:

“Wow, being humane. You could have waited.” And “don’t give him more, don’t give him more” [5:50]

And most importantly, I think that because we don’t get to see c!Punz break down like c!Dream the assumption is that even though it turns out c!Dream just didn’t want to be alone, c!Punz is still power hungry. But I think that’s a little unfair to c!Punz because it’s not like we saw him vulnerably be opened up like that, so is it fair to say he still has the stated goals. I talk about this a little more here [post]. What he does say in that conversation isn’t about power but about friendship. When Tommy is dissecting c!Dream c!Punz remarks on it:

“What can you just read minds now? are you just a mind reader—you knew it like—What?” [clip]

And this could probably be taken different ways, but given how he goes quiet whenever c!Dream wants to talk and seems to defend him in their conversation I see it more as like a - don’t put words into his mouth sort of thing. And because c!Tommy and people kinda do that it makes sense for c!Punz to be on guard for it. And there’s the comment about him being c!Dream’s friend. [clip]

In the less performative moments in the ending finale, c!Punz isn’t cutting in with something about power but about friendship and having c!Dream’s back. So I’m of the opinion more so that c!Punz was c!Dream’s friend, c!Dream became afraid and obsessed with death, and c!Punz stayed by his side, getting corrupted along with him. If it was about the Plan and power for c!Punz, I think he would’ve said different things like arguing with c!Dream about his goal and stuff. And there’s not really a lot of evidence to say c!Punz would’ve stayed by the plan had things not ended (though we shall never know for certain). But I think while it’s a common assumption to make, I think it’s a little unfair to say c!Punz was all just for the plan because we don’t hear him get fully vulnerable.

So given that, no I don’t think c!Punz is particularly crueler. But I do think he would do things c!Dream wouldn’t. While c!Dream is run by rational thoughts, c!Punz seems to be more emotional so (as expressed in my fics) I could totally see him going for violent revenge on behalf of his friendship with c!Dream. Perhaps then that makes him crueler? But I guess it would depend on your perspective of cruel, I suppose I was seeing cruel in this context as heartless, which I don’t think c!Punz is. In other words, he is wholesome to c!Dream, but everyone who wronged him better watch out. (I mean think about the scene of c!Punz leading c!Tommy and c!Tubbo down the stairs enraged by them killing c!Dream and him suggesting c!Purpled and c!Dream tie c!Quackity to a chair and torture him.)

Hope that provides some insight into the matter. :) and aww thank you that’s so sweet. <3 <3 <3

[dreamlifebunny]

hi bunny, sorry for sending this, but I really am sad and desperate. I've been trying to save myself for years, I don't want to go into details about my situation because it's really painful to talk about, but in summary: I've been isolated at home for four years with depression and no friends, with a really bad and bad life. I can take care of myself. I entered ND dualism looking for freedom and not just desires, but I ended up finding myself in a huge mess. After reading so many posts about the loa and the ND everything is confusing and I'm in a state of “I can't do anything other than keep myself safe” and it's so painful, I know it's the ego and I'm typing as the ego, because I I can not take it anymore. I know that I can live something better and that it already exists, I really want to live a good life and not take it away from me like I tried in the past, I want to have a loving family, friends and live in peace without stressing about concepts, teachers, enlightenment and religion, without the weight of guilt for thinking on my own and having a simpler view, completely validating myself without mentally justifying myself by apologizing for being “wrong” to other bloggers. Bunny, I really want to do something good and I really want help organizing it. I'm sorry again for saying all this

I had already had an experience of being conscious when I was younger without knowing any of this and I was just a child existing, it actually happened frequently and became less and less over the years due to difficult situations. I really wanted peace and freedom to feel sure of myself and not follow any concept but my set of beliefs, but everything is so confusing, it's sad that it's difficult

Não sou uma pessoa religiosa ou espirituosa (não acredito e para mim isso não existe), simplesmente tenho um ponto de vista simples e direto sobre as coisas.

bunny, if you could help me I would be very grateful, but just saying this makes me happy and relieved, because I spent months avoiding out of paranoia that I would disappoint the non-dualist bloggers I liked because I was being inferior to them

My sweet anon, you have absolutely no reason to apologize at all and I am so happy that you messaged me. I am so grateful that you reached out; it takes a huge amount of courage to ask questions when you are afraid that the person answering is going to make you feel inferior, and I want to commend you on that and also reassure you that you are wise, intelligent, and in no way inferior to me. I am also happy that you felt a little relieved after typing your feelings out - the worst thing that we can do when we are filled with intense feelings is to bottle them up, because they have to get out somehow; I am so happy that you are talking about them, please never stop sharing how you feel and talking to others when you are frightened or sad!

I apologize for answering your ask so late, this was sent a month ago and I wanted to make sure I was in the proper headspace to give you the best response I could. I actually kept overcomplicating my answer to you and rewrote it like three times haha, so I am hoping that this response is as effective as possible. This will be broken down into three sections:

You are not inferior to anyone

Choose your own adventure - it's all okay!

Steps to regain your internal compass

Final thoughts

Let's go!

1.) You are not inferior to anyone.

First of all, I want to acknowledge the pain that you’re in. I am so sorry that you are going through such painful and difficult circumstances, you absolutely do not deserve to be going through whatever it is that you’re going through and I hope that you know this. I also very importantly want you to know that you are not inferior to anyone in any way. Not to me, not to ND bloggers, not to your neighbour, celebrities, your best friend, ANYONE. No one on planet earth is more worthy, important, or special than any other person on planet earth; all of us have an extremely important role to play simply because we exist! From the ND perspective, all of us (our egos/characters/etc.) are an extension of Self/pure consciousness, expressing itself in an infinite number of ways; if you are here as your ego, full of their quirks and preferences and problems, then that means your true Self wanted to experience your ego and love everything about them! All of us as egos are infinitely loved and chosen, because all of us were created, period. Additionally, the entire reason that we learn about spiritual practices and manifesting in the first place is to give us a deep sense of peace, love of life, and to know that absolutely anything is possible to ALL of us - not just those who are more “knowledgeable” or “more advanced.” If anyone, and I truly mean anyone, ever makes you feel unworthy, stupid, unloved, or inferior, please remember that it has absolutely no baring on your true worth. You are loveable, amazing, lovely, wise, and worthy of a good, good life, and you are doing a fantastic job. Asking questions, getting curious, and not having all of the answers does not make you inferior or stupid. It actually makes you really beautiful, because you are putting in the work to understand how to love yourself and give yourself the gift of a beautiful life! There is a really beautiful quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that says, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” This is actually a really interesting quote when we look at it through a Law of Assumption lens, but that’s a whole other post that I’ll make some day! Haha.

Like I said earlier, I spent almost a month and a half trying to figure out the best way to answer your message, and today I realized that the answer was not only staring me in the face but was also INCREDIBLY simple. In fact, you’ve already answered it yourself! "I really wanted peace and freedom to feel sure of myself and not follow any concept but my (own) set of beliefs." The answer to your confusion, sweet anon, is to go within yourself, look at the beliefs that bring you peace, and abandon anything else, or in simpler words, become your own greatest teacher. Let’s explain why, and then I’ll explain how.

2.) Choose your own adventure - it's all okay!

The main difference between LOA and ND, at least from my understanding of both concepts, is that LOA finds peace and happiness through the ego (by manifesting its desires, using the ego’s preferences as a compass, living a wonderful life through the lens of a human character, etc.), and ND finds peace and happiness through transcending the ego (through pure acceptance of all circumstances as perfect, and the beautiful bliss that comes from that). When we look at it like this, ND would be considered the “true truth” of pure inner peace because it doesn’t rely on things being “good/not bad” and instead is blissful towards all experiences, which is really beautiful and freeing and is why people refer to it as the true truth. But this does not mean that LOA is incorrect or “bad” or doesn’t bring peace, it just means that we are using a spiritual practice that helps us gain feelings of peace and control and empowerment while still being attached to our ego. Of course, true "enlightenment" cannot be achieved THROUGH the ego because it is the ego that prevents this from happening in the first place haha, but that doesn't mean that we cannot experience peace and joy and happiness and love through the ego while still experiencing limitations! In my opinion, Law of Assumption is the closet thing to true peace and freedom that one can experience through the ego, with the understanding that the ego is what creates lack and sorrow. In summary, "true peace" and abandonment of all sorrow can only be achieved through getting rid of the ego, but there is nothing wrong with experiencing love and joy and peace while the ego is still there, it's just a different and fun way of living.

Does that make sense? There is nothing wrong with choosing to apply the LOA and living as your ego. It doesn't make you inferior, it is a personal choice and it's also a really fun choice, too! Yes, when you are attached to your ego you are in a constant state of wanting more and more and will have doubts, lack, and limitation, but sometimes it’s fun to have those limitations - I mean, Self CHOSE to experience Itself as a human to PUT those limitations on Itself! Experiencing life as a human with complicated emotions is a beautiful and challenging thing to do and you don’t have to feel guilty for simply wanting to feel good. The whole point of ND is that it's alllllllll good. Everything that you chose to do is fine and beautiful and loveable.

What I’m trying to say is, both concepts exist to bring feelings of pure joy and peace, even if they come from different perspectives. Eckhart Toelle, who was one of the first teachers of non-duality that I encountered, said that the human feelings of peace, joy, and love are the natural feelings of the true Self, and that when we are feeling those feelings we are connected to that true Self essence. We now know the main difference between LOA and ND, but just for a moment let’s ignore the differences and ask ourselves some important questions; why do we learn about the Law of Assumption? To find peace, to love ourselves and our lives, and to learn the truth that we are the conscious creators of our lives. Why do we learn about Non-Dualism? To find peace, to love ourselves and our lives, and to learn the truth that we are the conscious creators of our lives.

So, if all we are doing is trying to give ourselves peace and wonderful enjoyment of life, it shouldn't matter to you if someone tells you that something is the “true truth” if it's not what you're needing right now. If something brings you wonderful peace of mind and enjoyment of life, why would we allow conflicting information to challenge that peace?

THIS is the problem with over-consuming information on spirituality and manifestation, because we begin to doubt ourselves when we add more and more onto our belief system and confuse ourselves. YES, it is very important to expand our beliefs by asking ourselves questions and YES, it is the very nature of a spiritual journey to learn and grow and challenge our beliefs; I am not saying that we should not question the information that we receive. But it is also the nature of spirituality to find peace and comfort in our difficult human lives, and it is a very, very personal and unique journey to each individual person. So, how do we break out of the overconsumption cycle? We become our own best teachers.

Anon, you asked for help in organizing your belief system and to get to a place where you feel certain in yourself, and I absolutely love that idea. I will turn this into a full post later on, but in the meantime, here are some steps you can follow to reconnect with yourself:

3.) Steps to regain your internal compass.

To begin, think about and write down all of the beliefs that you currently have that bring you peace, excitement, self-love, happiness, and joyful feelings in general. These can be from your own mind, from LOA or ND teachers, from the back of cereal boxes, WHEREVER. What matters is that these are truths to you and that they bring you joy. Remember that you create the meaning in your life, so do not question whether or not these beliefs of yours are “correct.” These beliefs ARE correct, as long as they bring you peace.

Now, whenever you listen to a lecture from Edward Art on the Law of Assumption, or whenever you read excerpts from Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj on Non-Dualism, or whenever you see a post on LOA or ND from a tumblr blogger, do not blindly accept every sentence that these people say as truth. Instead, notice the sentences and words that light you up and bring you excitement and peace and understanding. Notice the lines that make you go “YES! I Get it! I finally understand it!” Notice the lines that empower you and make you feel like God. Edward Art often talks about taking one or two sentences that really feel like the "keys" to your freedom and understanding; turn those sentences over in your head try to really comprehend and feel them. These are the “true truths” that light you up and give you the empowerment and answers that you need. And obviously, whenever you have your own insights and thoughts, write them down and feel them too! You mentioned that you had the experience of being conscious when you were younger - ask your younger self what THEY would tell you is a true truth and write it down if it resonates with you!

When someone tells you something that makes you feel confused, frustrated, or disempowered, question it: what about this belief is untrue to me? Why do I feel yucky about what they said - is it because it clashes with a belief that makes me feel peaceful? Is it possible if I look at it a different way I could make it peaceful and empowering, or is the original idea very limiting in its origin? Is this belief coming from transcendence of the ego or through the ego (both are fine, but it’s important to know which one it is coming from so that you can understand its intent)? What do I need to feel peaceful right now?

Keep this collection of notes, quotes, and beliefs nearby when you need reminders of peace and empowerment, and return to them often. As you grow and learn overtime, some beliefs will change, some will become more prominent, and some you will have an even deeper understanding of later on.

This is how you build your internal compass. This is how you become your best teacher. And this is how you remove the confusion and frustration that studying multiple concepts at once can bring. I really like learning about LOA and ND at the same time now that I have a fundamental understanding of both, but it was so difficult to weave through the two truths when they come from completely different places from one another (one you must abandon your ego, and one you must dive into your ego's personal preferences). But now that I understand them both, it is easy to apply each of the concepts to different areas of my life depending on how I want to approach them. For example, when I am feeling overwhelmed and don't want to take control of my life anymore and I am getting too caught up in the difficulties my ego experiences, I return to the feeling of true bliss that my true identity is Self and simply get to watch my ego experience itself with pure bliss. When I'm having fun being my little human self and feeling all of the emotions that comes with it, I love practicing LOA and feeling fulfilled and daydreaming specific things that only my ego cares about. Both are so, so peaceful and fun, and it is through my understanding of both that I am able to relax and feel peaceful!

4.) Final thoughts.

I hope that this has brought you a little comfort and clarity, sweet anon. I know that it is a complicated journey, and a scary one at times, too. I had had full on meltdowns when I first started learning about ND and LOA at the same time, because it was so confusing and honestly angering to learn and unlearn and learn and unlearn. However, I came out of it with a huge sense of peace and understanding of my own internal compass that now gives me peace and direction, because I decided to listen to the best teacher I had - me! Your best teacher will be you, and I am certain that you will discover your own understanding and peace if you continue to practice showing up for yourself and listening to your own inner voice. It is strong and it is intelligent; do not doubt it, nurture it and listen to it!

Finally, I want to once again stress how important it is to not let anyone make you feel inferior, whether it is on your spiritual journey or in any other part of your life. You are on a very unique journey that is different from every other person's very unique journey; you are showing up to every new piece of information with a completely different background than anyone else. Please have patience with yourself and remember that there is no one on earth who has a better understanding of your own life than you. It is also important to remember that not everyone who has expert knowledge on a concept has expert teaching skills. There are some bloggers with a lot of incredible knowledge of ND and LOA on this website, but who do not have very compassionate teaching skills. To teach properly and effectively means to have patience and acceptance of your students; not everyone on this website has those skills. Do not blame yourself for being “dumb” when it is the teacher who is unable to explain concepts in a way that is understandable to you. If someone makes you feel dumb and reacts angrily to you not understanding what they are saying, question it - maybe they are the “dumb” one for not being able to put into words what you need to understand. (note: I don’t believe anyone is dumb and that is why it is in quotation marks. I also believe that there are a lot of people answering questions for free and being very generous with their time, and that is a very respectable thing and I am grateful to everyone who wants to share their knowledge with others. As always, this is a nuanced thing that I just want to offer perspective on <3)

Please take care of yourself, and know that you are a lovely and wonderful person who is deserving of the absolute best that life has to offer, anon. I am rooting for you! <3

Love,Bunny 💕