#I like him just being a crawly creature the whole time

[the-squeege]

Unmasked

[on-stardust-wings]

The Crowley taking shelter from the first rain under Aziraphale's wing scene is one of my favourites in season one. It said so much about this relationship already (all of it soft!), in the first scene where we see them interact, back when we all assumed this scene was a first meeting. And it still might be for Crowley, we can't be sure he actually remembers Aziraphale from before (he forgot many other angels after all), plus this is the first time Crawly the freshly fallen angel meets Aziraphale.

And yet, when Aziraphale lifts his wing, Crawly is already shuffling over to him. Like he knows the wing will lift for him. And I felt so much about this scene already when watching season one. Aziraphale protecting a stranger, a demon, from the rain (rain is water, and holy water is lethal for demons, they couldn't be sure rain would be harmless). And Crawly trusting him to be this close, letting himself be protected.

But now? With the new context season two gave us?

Aziraphale knows this is the starmaker he met in Heaven. He knows exactly what happened to make him Fall. This isn't a stranger, a random demon. This is an old friend/crush. Or is he? He can't be sure. Surely the angels were told about the demons, how they changed. Vile evil creatures and all. No longer the friends and colleagues they knew. Best be careful? This might be a stranger wearing the face of a friend! Aziraphale asks his name. His new name. And Crawly talks. And asks questions. And helps Aziraphale calm down. Is overall his lovable old self. Of course Aziraphale takes him under his wing! Even if he starts out on this interaction on the walls of Eden not sure if Crawly is still the person he knew, everything Crawly does is... just very him? Very in line with the angel he knew? I'm convinced Aziraphale ended this conversation feeling super conflicted about how unchanged from the angel he knew Crawly the demon turns out to be. And he keeps reminding himself that either way, he is a demon, an enemy, he recites the whole good and bad thing, punishment deserved dialogue, to a fallen angel who he knows Fell for suggesting a suggestion box and being sad his nebula is a fancy wallpaper. Consider the cognitive dissonance this has to be for Aziraphale! It's a dilemma he never gets over in the following 6000 years (and running). He believes Crowley is good and nice and didn't deserve Falling, but at the same time he has to believe in Heaven's doctrines, that demons did bad and deserved punishment and actually that punishment is good for you. And this dilemma, this dissonance, starts right there on the wall. Aziraphale's spoken words echo Heaven's dogma. But his actions speak his heart and soul: he lifts his wing to keep Crawly safe and dry under it.

And Crawly? He might not even remember Aziraphale. If so, he's coming up to a stranger, risking to be smited for the apple thing. And even if he remembers Aziraphale, certainly plenty of former friends have turned out to be against him recently, so that would be no reason to trust Aziraphale to be different. But either way, Crowley slides up to him. Needles him about the sword. Is promptly amazed at "I gave it away". No matter if he remembers Aziraphale, he comes away from this conversation with a sense of "this one's different, this angel is kind".

And then the rain starts, and Crawly shuffles over for shelter. Two options. One: He remembers Aziraphale, and remembers doing the same thing for Aziraphale when he started up the nebula. That would mean after this short re-evaluing the relationship conversation, Crawly trusts Aziraphale to return the favour, even though Crawly is now a demon, shunned by Heaven. That's a big thing!

Or, second option, Crawly doesn't remember Aziraphale, doesn't properly recall it was this angel he himself sheltered under his own wing when the meteor shower thing happened. (He remembers going to battle, but not Furfur being there, so he could remember the nebula starting, but not Aziraphale specifically being there with him.) He probably remembers sheltering someone under his wings, but that's neither here nor there, is it? Distant memory, unrelated to the current situation! But, Crawly starts to sidle closer even before Aziraphale's wing is up. He instinctively knows it will be lifted for him. Maybe he doesn't actively, consciously remember, but subconsciously? Instinctively? He knows he's safe with Aziraphale. He knows he'll be safely protected under this angel's wing from whatever this new stuff falling from the sky might be.

Like. I don't even know which version I find better. They're both so soft. Brb, gonna go scream into a pillow.

[lullabytaeyong]

Creepy Crawlies - R!Kai

(Tw: Spiders) And I know they aren’t technically bugs but I still call them that in this lol

Kai giggled contently in the bathtub, a red bath crayon in his hand and bubbles surrounding him. He dragged the crayon in crazy scribbles all over one of his drawings since he knew it had to be rinsed away soon. Soobin watched him with amused smirk on his face while he waited for the water to drain. Once it did he used the shower head to wash away the left over bubbles on Kai's skin and the artwork he made. He wrapped him up in a fluffy towel and ruffled his hair wildly with it to make him laugh.

"Okay, jammie time. Arms up!" Soobin said brightly after drying him off completely. He knelt down and helped him with his pants and dinosaur socks.

"There you go. Do you want to watch a movie be-"

"Ahhhh!!" Kai suddenly cried in Soobin's face, pointing over his shoulder. "Spider!"

Kai burst into tears and tried to climb on to Soobin's lap in a panic. He hated bugs! They scared him to death when he was little. Soobin stood up quickly and sat Kai back on the floor. He spun around frantically, searching for something to get rid of it with. He snatched a tissue box and spotted the spider on the floor.

"Nooo!! Don't kill it!" Kai wailed, flailing his arms.

"What do you mean? I thought you wanted it gone?"

"Gone gone! Don' hurt him! Will feel bad!"

"Okay, okay" Soobin said semi calmly over the loud cries. He dropped the tissue box and turned around, leaving to get a cup and piece of paper.

Huening kai couldn't help but stare down the vile creature. He hated it! He was so scared! But, if he didn't keep an eye on it he could lose it and it could come back to terrorize him. Tears kept falling down his pink cheeks, as he waited for Soobin's return. The spider crawled an inch in Kai's direction and he shrieked loudly. He pushed him self harder against the tiled wall, as if it could swallow him whole and keep him safe from the little beast.

Soobin sprinted back into the bathroom and immediately trapped the spider under a white cup. He approached Kai before actually catching it to calm him down. The boy was in hysterics, sobbing and squirming. Soobin hushed him and pulled him into his arms while he sat on the floor.

"It's okay, baby. Shhh, I'm taking care of it."

Sometimes the boys forgot how intense Kai's phobia of spiders truly was. He was usually alright with tiny ones, just some shivers and whining here and there, but there were specific ones that had a specific look to them that sent him into a fit of tears. Apparently, one of those kinds of spiders decided to tour their bathroom today.

"It's under a cup right now, so it won't get to you. I promise. It's alright, sweetheart." Kai had his eyes tightly squeezed shut and didn't dare to take a peek. His anxiety was pouring intrusive thoughts into his head about being covered with the bugs. He cried harder into Soobin's chest and begged him to get him out of there. He knew it was still close, the cup being over it didn't make it disappear; he knew that.

"Wan' go to Junnie! Want Papa! Please!" He hiccuped. Soobin acted instantly and carried Kai swiftly out of the bathroom and across the hall to Yeonjun's room. The eldest wasn't actually there, he was in some other room with headphones on, so Soobin texted him.

"Okay, you sit here all nice and comfy and I'll go get rid of the 'you know what' while you wait for your Papa. Okay?" Soobin said after plopping Kai on the mattress.

The youngest nodded hesitantly and watched Soobin re-enter the bathroom. Soobin crouched down to the floor and carefully slid the paper under the cup. Then he slowly picked it up, keeping the spider trapped inside and made his way to the door. Yeonjun skidded past him and ran up to Kai, nearly tackling him in a hug.

"How dare that stupid spider scare my baby Kai like that! I'll beat him up! Don't worry, I won't let him get you." Yeonjun said dramatically, wrapping Huening Kai up in a blanket like a sushi roll.

Kai used the blanket to wipe away the snot and tears covering his face and whimpered against Yeonjun. He felt two strong arms adjust him, so he was on Yeonjun's lap facing him comfortably. The eldests shoulder was a safe place to cry on.

"Hate em. This is our house not theirs!" He pouted.

"I know. They scare you quite a bit, yet you insist that we don't just kill them." Yeonjun replied, holding back a chuckle at how cute Kai was.

"Mh- But they dunno! Don't wanna em to hurt. It's not fair."

"Each day I am more convinced that you are secretly an angel, huening kai." Yeonjun smiled brightly and kissed his baby's head.

"Mission accomplished! Extermination complete." Soobin popped up in the door with a proud smile.

"How's he doing?" He asked, quiet enough for just Yeonjun to hear.

"We're getting there, expressing our hatred for spiders, questioning our morality. He'll be okay in a few." Yeonjun chuckled, rubbing Kai's back comfortingly.

Soobin nodded and moved into the room to take a seat next to them on the bed. Kai curiously lifted his head and looked at Soobin. Although glossy, his eyes were warm with innocence, like hot chocolate. He sniffled his last sniffle and wiggled to get off Yeonjun. They watched him stand up nervously, inspecting the floor and scanning the walls and ceiling with his eyes. He didn't move much, just the occasional random step.

"What're you doing, angel?" Soobin asked.

"Jus' making sure." Huening kai almost whispered. "I wanna go to bed but had to check for spiders"

"Ohh, okay. I don't see anything and if I do I'll take it outside immediately. Come lay down." Yeonjun said, hoping his words would soothe the little's worries.

"We can have a sleepover tonight." He added. Kai giggled and crawled back on Yeonjun's bed, nestling himself into the blankets and pillows.

"I'll go get Goguma, hang tight." Yeonjun said before getting up and leaving.

Kai pulled on Soobin's arm to get him to lay down and cuddled up to his side like a little kitten. He loved the warmth that came with close cuddles. Soobin pat his hair and used his phone to play the little ones lullaby playlist. The familiarity and somewhat nostalgic melodie's always soothed the boys and helped them sleep. Yeonjun returned with Kai's beloved bunny plush and made the toy give him kisses before laying down. He left on a small lamp, so it wasn't too dark, and let Kai get comfortable between him and Soobin.

"Promise no more buggies..." Kai asked softly with round eyes.

"Promise! We'll protect you, baby."

They both hooked their pinkies on each of Kai's and give them a kiss to seal the promise. Finally, the boy was able to fully relax and drift off to sleep.

[salora-rainriver]

The Sympathy Problem, or "Why I'm Too Much of a Monsterfucker to Get Into Horror"

I don't know what the fuck this is, but I'm writing an essay about a problem that, as far as I know, only applies to me (but i might be totally wrong, who knows).

I think the title speaks for itself, but lemme just elaborate on what the fuck happens inside my brain, and how that fundamentally affects the way I handle horror media, to the point where I cannot truly appreciate it as horror on the same level as everyone else.

now lemme post a cute bat here so that there'll be an appropriate image to represent the whole essay when its link is shared on stuff like Discord:

trust me this was important. Okay, let's keep going.

Part 1: Why I'm a Monsterfucker

Let's start at age 4. I'm a dinosaur kid, like roughly 1/3rd of all autistic bitches. I'm a dinosaur kid to the point of owning multiple Land Before Time movies, and tie-in games, and I think I even had like two plushies at one point.

you know it's serious when this is your childhood.

I also had miscellaneous dinosaur plushies, and dinosaur toys, and a dinosaur book I frequently read front-to-back, and you get the idea.

dinosaur love evolves into dragon love, evolves into "funky monster creatures and animals of all kinds" love. I become a freakish savant of the wonderful world of the animal kingdom really quickly, to the point where my child-brain career prospects include "vet" as a pretty high finalist.

And then I find Starcraft, a game in a genre I otherwise wouldn't have given a shit about... but guess what? it has bug dinos.

it's all over for me.

But like, why? why do I like dinosaur so much?

... because I am dinosaur.

Look. LOOK. I can't give a good comprehensive list on the connections between my particular strand of autism and the state of Being A Dinosaur, because by this point, me being autistic and me being a dinosaur are so completely intertwined that it's often a chicken-egg situation. But the point is,

I make weird noises instead of using my words. I toe-walk. I don't like shoes. Sometimes I like to not wear clothes at all, even. I like to hide in small crevices when spooked. When I'm in a meltdown, I scare people.

Me dinosaur. Or at least, me some type of feral.

So is it any fucken surprise that when I go into an RPG, I latch onto the animal shapeshifter, the furry species, or the person who fights unarmed and/or uses a claw weapon?

Is it any fucking surprise that I am the opposite of spooked by snakes and spiders and other such creepy crawlies?

is it any fucking surprise that I have a fursona?????

is it any fucking surprise that I picked Pokemon Scarlet without the slightest HINT of remorse?!

Part 2: Wait, That's not the Intended Response

now let's talk about horror. Let's talk about the elements that make horror into horror: the fear part.

So what scares people? Well... people scare us. A serial killer, a mad scientist, a cult leader, a corrupt government entity, maybe? or maybe even society itself, its darker side full of atrocities and danger and problems where there's no easy solution and things can often seem hopeless?

... lmao who are we kidding that's not the vast majority of what scares people in horror. IT'S MONSTERS! Monsters scare people!

From Xenomorphs to Jean Jacket to The Babadook, it's monsters! Shit that ain't human and never could be human, and maybe it's pretending to be human, maybe it used to be human, but now it ain't, and it's gonna getcha!

And it just.

I'm a monsterfucker.

I'm not scared of ghosts. Sure he's fucked up and wailing in endless pain and lashing out at everything, but that just makes me feel sad. Like, poor ghost dude. We should help him.

I'm not scared of vampires or werewolves. They're people like anyone else, and sure, there's an inherent danger from being around them, but there's also an inherent danger from being close to an alligator, and I'm sure as fuck not scared of an alligator chilling on the side of the road. Cautious, maybe, but not scared.

I'm not scared of zombies. I mean, if they were real, I'd be a bit spooked, cause I have no combat expertise and would definitely be Fucked. But the same would apply if my hometown became a war zone. And... a war movie won't scare me. So a zombie movie wouldn't, either.

I'm not scared of xenomorphs. I mean I don't want to die, but that just means I should be entering alien environments with all proper safety procedures. TBH I'm more pissed at Weyland-Yutani than anything else.

I'm not scared of the Babadook. I'm worried for the well-being of the family as they try to come to terms with grief, and the monstrous shape that grief has taken. But it seems like they're coping in the end, so that's good.

I'm not scared of Jean Jacket - okay no. I'll be honest. It makes me uncomfortable. I will not be going into detail on the difference between this discomfort and actual fear. That is not a Salora Lore I want to disclose here. If you Know, you Know.

Part 3: Horror ceases to be a genre for me

So the monsters in horror movies don't scare me. And yet... I've watched some horror movies. And I've liked them. From this one list I've been using as quick reference to remind myself of What Horror Movies Exist out there, I've watched a few of these, or am at least familiar with them. You know, I've seen some classic horrors like "The Shining" because I went to film class in high school, and I've watched some installments of classic franchises like "Scream", or oddball picks like "Warm Bodies" and "The Relic", because I was having watch parties with friends.

Even beyond film, I read some Lovecraft once, and I've played plenty of spookier-themed videogames, like... well, like Silent Hill 2. Didn't finish that one. Bcs I'm bad at puzzles. But I loved the atmosphere.

And even when I'm not directly experiencing the horror media, I often look it up, read the synopsis, and watch video essays about it.

I know way too much about Hereditary, Midsommar, Get Out, the Slasher Genre in general, Creepypasta, Resident Evil, and mascot horror, for someone who's supposedly not able to properly engage with horror as a medium.

And I like some of that shit! But uh...

... not. as horror.

I just. Don't engage with them as horror films. I engage with them as whatever other genre you could slot them into. Hereditary is a tragedy. Get Out is political allegory. The Babadook is psychological allegory. Ghost stories are dark fantasy. Alien is sci fi. Slasher films go back and forth between mystery, action, and dark comedy. Warm Bodies is a rom-com. (like. that's not even a weird hot take. I don't know why this Rotten Tomatoes editorial decided it was horror, but I'm not gonna dispute their assertion, Bcs like. this entire essay is about why I'm not a good judge on that sort of thing) Silent Hill is a puzzle-adventure game with light action. Five Nights at Freddys is a time-management simulation game that would stress me the fuck out if I ever played it. Amnesia: the Dark Descent is a stealth game.

You get the idea.

So I'm just... in this really weird position. I'm a huge fan of spooky monsters, strange happenings, stories that engage seriously with the anxieties of mankind through allegory,

but I can't. truly enter the horror genre community as an insider.

Cause I ain't scared.

And honestly, it gets even worse when I start to imagine myself maybe, idk, *writing* a horror story of my own. Because... since I don't get scared by them, how am I supposed to know what scares others? Apologies to my fellow disabled folk for this clumsy analogy, but... it feels like trying to paint while visually impaired. I mean... you can do it. You can do it super well if you push yourself. but it's a strong disadvantage, and it might result in an artwork that could baffle the seeing people in your audience.

And maybe there could be merit in that. In writing my attempt at a horror story from the perspective of someone who doesn't find any of it scary. Maybe it's be intriguing, even surreal or dreamlike or alien to the audience who doesn't engage with this subject matter in the same way I do.

Or maybe it'd just end up similar to that one phase of the creepypasta fad where folks were going "wooo! hyperrealistic blood! isn't it spoopy n fuked up????" and it'll be garbage idfk

Bonus Round: ...Okay I Might've Lied a Bit

There is one movie that for me, truly could be considered "horror".

It genuinely terrified me as I watched it. It shook me to my core and opened my eyes to how other people feel when they see some shadowy monster figure with too many teeth reach out and eviscerate a poor bitch. I fucking get it now, to some extent. I don't know *how* the spiky boy elicits that response in you, but now I understand how it feels.

Because I watched FUCKING M3GAN

[SPOILER WARNING: I'm not saying the exact plot beats of the movie but I AM going into detail about its themes and the character development of the protagonist. It's massive spoilers but they're all vague spoilers.]

Me and my friends didn't pick this movie thinking we'd get spooked. this is the movie where the doll does some sort of modern dance routine while carrying a katana. It's goofy shit! We figured this was goofy ass modern trash and we were gonna laugh.

MOTHERFUCKERS I WASN'T LAUGHING????

Is the premise unrealistic and goofy? yeah. are the characters exaggerated and cartoonish? yes. are there like, numerous jokes throughout this film, that are portrayed as jokes? yes. was the dancing robot doll chase sequence goofy as shit? yes*

*ok but the context of That Scene made my brain gloss right the fuck over how goofy it was bcs I was too fucked up over everything else that already happened!

So like. What? How? How is goofy robot doll horrifying? Salora, you know how many stories about rogue AIs and killer robots there are? Why doesn't skynet scare you?

It's not about the doll. It's about the humans who created her.

This film is as subtle as a fucking anvil when it comes to it's social commentary. Like, "opening sequence is a kids commercial for Deranged Knockoff Furby" and "a therapist character explains attachment theory for a whole scene" levels of unsubtle. and honestly that makes the horror fucking worse. in this bizarre cartoonish parody of society, we're seeing a laid-bare and raw allegory for the real harm we are inadvertently delivering upon real fucking people. Weirdly enough, the exaggeration just makes it feel more real.

and what's "It"? Not the uncanny valley of a too-perfect silicon face, the gruesome deaths, the murderous AI,

No, "it" is the commodification of childhood, the degradation of familial ties and human connection through overwork, the way we try to patch these broken ties with product, the outsourcing of parenting to toys and machines, the disastrous consequences of allowing an orphan to vanish into wish fulfillment fantasy instead of being given space to work through her grief,

the exploitation of her grief in order to market the very thing that's spiraling her further into an unhealthy dependency, to do the exact same thing to children worldwide, all because of profit.

Look. Monsters, ghosts, demons, serial killers, zombies, predatory animals, rogue AI, they're not scary to me, because I know them. and if I don't know them, I want to know them. The solution to the threats things like that pose are simple. Keep your distance from the crocodile. Punch the shark's sensitive nose to make it back off. Invest in security measures so your house doesn't get broken into. Don't anger the ghost. Exorcise the demon. Shoot the zombie's head.

How do you, an overworked engineer for a toy company, find the time to connect with your orphaned niece on a human level?

How do you take away said niece's beloved doll when you slowly come to realize that her attachment to it has become unhealthy?

What the fuck are you supposed to even do when you realize that you might have created a murderous monster and marketed it to hundreds of kids, and your overzealous boss is in your ear pressuring you to get it ready for launch?

WHAT A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

Conclusion: But fr am I like the Only One

so uh. yeah.

My fear response is mucked around by an unusually high level of sympathy for the monsters that tend to populate horror media. I'm Too Kinky To be Tortured, and it puts me in an awkward relationship with the horror genre, where the only things that can well and truly terrify me are unhealthy relationships and capitalism, and even then, only if those topics are presented in just the right way to make me feel like this shit is Real.

And like you know how there's a whole language of like, scares and signifiers and shit that's been well-researched, all these tiny tips and tricks to exploit primal fears in humans? (I dont know if language is the right word but im just gonna call it that until further notice)

well, a lot of that Language of Horror doesn't quite work on me, because it's all related to monsters and physical threats, and I love the monsters too much,

and I imagine there is a whole different Language out there of the shit that can be exploited to scare me,

but fuck if i know what it is. I only got a single movie as my frame of reference. How the fuck would you even find a movie that handles social anxiety like that?

Like idk, do y'all think Carrie would spook me? Carrie's about societal ills, right?

[asksuccubussides]

What if you were an asexual succubus, wouldn't that be fucked up or what Chapter 5

Masterpost of the chapters

"Ho-Ho-Holy shit Jannie, Look at this! Some cannibal shit" Virgil turned to show Janus his phone before hesitating "Shit, I didn't interrupt your studious study time right?"

Janus looked up from his computer and glanced at the clock before shrugging "Eh. You only interrupted me from disabling this bomb that's going to kill us both now but it was about time for a floor break anyway"

It was about 4 am in the middle of the night and the only light in the college library was the lamp on the table the two men were sitting by. After not being able to get a single word written down for weeks Janus had suddenly and inexplicable been hit with a ray of productivity and he'd been hyperfocused on writing for nearly 5 hours now. Virgil was laying stretched out across the table like a bored cat and was mindleesly scrolling on his phone because he probably wouldn't have slept either way.

What Janus considered a 'floor break' was him taking off his scoliosis brace and lying on his back on the floor for a while so his spine could rest. His friend rolled down from the table and laid down beside him.

"So Florida mans been at it again" Virgil started.

"Ah yes, my favorite mythical creature"

"Right so this just got in. Brand new news dude-"

"Is it from an actual source or just cryptid social media accounts?"

"An actual newspaper. Your coinfidence in my reading ability is so bloody low it's insulting"

All Janus did was nod in agreement.

"So...Dramatic pause.....This bloke got his entire arm eaten dude!"

Janus tilted his head while squinting "....Really"

"Well more like lower arm but yeah. By another human. In florida. A few hours ago. Look there's pictures"

"Dear I could go on a whole tirade about the ethics of looking at those photos but...." Virgil sent him a smirk "Alright hand it over"

The photo was of a lower arm where several chunks of skin and meat were completely missing to the point that the bone could seen at a spot. Deep bite marks had been left behind, they were so deep it hardly looked like it had been done by a human. Blood had dried all over the arm making the skin look almost rusty.

"Are you sure this was a human? Not some feral dog? They have bears in America-"

"In florida?" Virgil tapped his fingers against Janus' shoulder like creepy crawlie "What if it was a werewolf. Or a new serial killer. They do say trends come back after around 50 years and it's like 50 years since the 70's" His expression suddenly dropped and he got the anxiety eyes of doom "Oh god the cannibal guy is still out there. What if they get us?"

"We're in England Virge. The first place the mythical cannibal florida man decides to come is definitely over here" he let up into a slight smile "But it would certaintly be fun if it was a werewolf"

Virgil laughed in the quiet almost inaudible way he always did "I know right!"

--

The night air was cold enough that Remus' breathe was visible as he panted. There was still blood on his lips, on his teeth, his hands. Everywhere. There was still blood all over him from the human.

Remus had ripped and feasted on the human's arm until he'd heard people come running and even someone dialing the police. He'd been running away from there before he had even fully realized it. Sirens had blared and the blue lights of the ambulance had passed him by as he'd ran. Until he'd gotten so far away he couldn't hear any of it anymore.

He'd gotten to the train central and immediately locked himself into a bathroom and hidden there sense. The hours had wasted away under the harsh fluorescent lighting. Cleaning off the blood would probably have been the smartest thing to do but Remus had been frozen to the spot on the grimey floor. His legs had numbed from not moving for so long.

His last hope had been that eating the flesh of a human would feed him in the same way that lust did....But it had only made him heavy.

It gave the exact same effect as him eating any other food in that it only filled his stomach making him feel full for a while without giving him any energy. There weren't any tears in his eyes or anger bursting inside of him. All he felt was the loss of hope and that wasn't an emotion he could convey physically. It was like a grief he'd been holding off on for all of his life.

And if the manager found out he would be sent to heaven.

"...How much time....do I have left" He whispered out to no one but himself.

Finally he got up on his feet and almost immediately fell over because his left foot had completely fallen asleep. The sink was one of those stupid ones where the water only got turned on for about 30 seconds so he had to wave his hand around under the motion sensor over and over as he began to clean the blood off. Flesh was still stuck between his teeth, in response he dug his nails between his teeth until his gums were red and ached.

Out of paranoia he cut off parts of his hair at random without any true reason his mind could come up with aside from panicked shouts. He looked himself in the mirror before deciding to leave his bloodstained shirt behind on the toilet seat. He clutched his stomach as he looked once more. The human flesh was still inside of him. Maybe if eating the flesh hadn't come about in....in the circumstances it did he might have thought it was fun.

"They can't send Roman to heaven as well" The words slipped out of him "He hasn't broken any rules. They can't.....Well I won't fucking let them!"

Remus put his hand against the doorknob and spoke the phrase needed. It swung open and the light from the bright white hallways of the succubi quarters nearly blinded him.

He kept his head down and his walk fast as he hurried to his sleeping quarters. Somewhere at the back of his mind he tried to feel if Roman was near but all he felt was the absence of him.

The sleeping barack was nearly empty when he got there. It made sense, it was the early morning on a saturday. most succubi were probably feeding or doing the walk of shame home right now. The only two he could see were Emile and Remy laying close together in Remy's bed.

Emile was reading a book while his hand playfully stroked his lover's hair. Remy's eyelids were drooping, close to shutting, as they laid with their head against his chest. Their peace and quiet was unraveled in an instant as Emile abruptly sat up as soon as he saw Remus.

"Rem-bem! You're back! Are you alright? Your sight hasn't gone bad again has it?"

"My eyes are fine. Has Oran- The manager been here?"

'Girl why the hell would he have been here?' Remy asked while Emile pulled Remus into a tight hug.

"I don't fucking know! To take away more of my sense!? I bet he's having a spa day down where wherever the Dominion demons live!"

"They like totally have a lava pool" Remy said with hatred in their voice.

"And a fancy library aww" Emile stared out dreamily for a moment before shaking his head and continuing "Don't worry about the manager Rembem! We'll protect you no matter what!"

'Yeah. Like that kid with the blue forehead tattoo'

"Indeed!" Emile took Remy's hand in his and smiled "We'll protect you like Aang!"

Remus could feel something sour building up at the back of his throat "....Sure. I'll-"

"Roman regretted what she said as soon as she left!" Emile interrupted "Just so you know! She seemed really apologetic. I'm not implying you don't get to be mad, I simply wanted to give you all the information available. Anger is a very valid emotion to feel so don't f-"

"I already got all the mad out by...tearing into a....tree...Many trees...Like I fucked up an entire forest.........So. I'mma just go sleep now"

He could feel Remy's gaze staring holes into his back as he went to his bed. He rolled his eyes before turning around to see them signing to him.

'Did something happen?'

'Yeah. My brother said I was a parasite made for incest and nothing else' Remus snarked back.

'Girl you know I mean on earth. You're all-'

'I fed. I always get grumpy after I feed'

'Not like this' Remy got close to him so Remus took a step back 'What happened?'

Remus let up into a snarl "I don't know. Do you want to tell me why your boytoy don't have a tail or wings like the rests of us! Wanna say what kind of demon he is!?"

Emile tried to step in between them "Maybe we should all just calm down and respect each other's bounda-"

"What happened?" Remy asked once more without letting go off Remus' gaze.

"Why's your hair white? What did you get Punished for?!"

"I never got Punished"

Remus laughed "WE ALL KNOW YOU WERE PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING REMY! We all just pretend we don't to be fucking nice!" Remy averted their eyes "Not to nice to be asked that shit huh. Fuck off and go choke on your own sunglasses!"

With that Remus turned around and hid himself away under the blanket of his bed. He could hear the faint sounds of the lovers stirring somewhere close by before leaving eventually. He fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

---

There was a dead bird in Janus' dorm. He wasn't sure when or how it had gotten there but when he'd woken up it had been laying there on the floor. His whole body felt weighed down into the sheets as if it had been filled with lead but he knew he had to move the carcass or else it would start smelling.

Brainfog was making all his thoughts move slowly and out of order to the point that he nearly forgot to put on gloves before carefully picking up the bird and holding it close to his chest. He didn't even remember to put on shoes or his back brace before dragging himself out of the dorm. The only thing he grabbed was a small shovel while hoping not to many people were in the hallways.

Luckily enough his dorm laid close to an exit that lead out into the space beyond the college's borders. The finely machine cut grass changed into unkept weedlings and moss with tree roots sticking out. Eventually he found a spot shaded by a large tree and sat down under it.

"I'm sorry dear little bird. I wish I could tell your kind to keep away from me" Janus said as he dug a small hole in the ground "Death can't seem to get enough of me"

He simply sat by the grave for a few minutes after filling it up with dirt. Once he moved to stand he could swear he saw a nearly identical bird sitting in the tree above him but every bird looked sort of the same to him. The only animals he had any sort of knowledge on were snakes and humans.

It was only on the short walk back to the dorm that he realized he was missing his shoes, brace and he hadn't even taken off his night bonnet before leaving the dorm. He closed the blinds to shut the midday light out before taking off the bonnet and braiding his dreadlocks into a thick braid so none of it got in the way for his skin routine. He and Virgil had bought a mirror just so Janus could do his routine without having to stand in the grubby shared bathrooms honestly. That and Virgil's eyeliner.

He put on some jazz, pulled out all his different creams, set up the mirror and made himself comfortable by the desk. The scar taking up most of the space on the right side of his face went between hues of red and purple. Even after all these years it still stuck out jagged and uneven from the rest of his face.

Something wet dropped down onto his finger as he put a cream on his cheek. Even though he was staring at himself in the mirror it still took him a few dumbfounded seconds until he was able to process what it was.

There was blood dripping down like tears from his right eye. It was coming out the tear duct even.

Janus wiped it away but the blood just kept coming. He tried to stay calm as he grabbed his phone and called bascially the only number he ever called.

"Virge?"

"Jannie I was about to call you anyway. Are we still buying oat milk or did we agree to go back to whole milk?" Virgil replied.

"There is blood coming out of my eye"

"Dude I can't decipher what level of sarcasm that is nor how that is supposed to tell me which milk to buy"

"There is literally blood coming out of my eye"

"For real??" He could hear Virgil's breathing immediately getting faster.

"It's coming from my tear duct. I haven't cut it open by accident, don't worry"

"Don't worry?! What if you have a brain tumor!? Or what if it's a sign of sudden extreme stroke! Or locked in disease! Don't fall asleep! Wait I'm looking it up on google-"

"Virge-"

"Google says it's a symptom of like So many diseases. Jannie you can't die on me here!"

"Virge-"

"Did you take your meds??"

"They're antidepressants! Oh! Of course! the very famous side effect of forgetting anti depressants for a day is eye bleeding! Can you just come over here before I have to be the one to calm you down?"

"Oh. Oh right. Yeah. Yeah I'm on my way. I'm just gonna- Yeah. Yeah I'm coming. Uhhh don't die please"

"I'll try my best" Janus snarked.

Five minutes later Virgil came running into their dorm with his breathe caught in his throat. Janus had been holding a cotton ball against his eye to try and stop the bloodflow but he stood up when he saw his friend come in.

"Are you okay? Anything changed?" Virgil spat out between heavy breathes.

"Still the same"

Virgil cupped Janus' cheeks and tilted his head back. Jan moved his hands onto his friend's waist.

"And your eyesights alright?"

"Mostly. A bit pinker than usual"

"Close your eyes" Virgil carefully trailed his hand up along Janus' face and wiped his finger across his closed eyelid "Feeling any better now?"

Janus blinked a few times before looking in the mirror and wiping away the remaining blood. None more came to which he sighed a breathe of relief.

"Of course! I had to lean my head back" Janus exclaimed "Makes sense. My veins must have been mixed up somehow, like when you swallow water into the wrong part of your throat"

Virgil's hands had stayed mid air where Janus' face just had been. His fingers began to fiddle with the end of one his friend's dreadlocks "Did you braid it yourself?"

"What?" Janus was still focused on the whole eye thing "Oh. My hair? No a hairdresser broke into our dorm and did it while I slept. Of course it was me. You've seen me like this before"

"It looks good"

"I'm aware. There was another dead bird here when I woke up. I buried it"

"It must be some fucker throwing it in through the window" Virgil said while going to fill up a glass of water "Don't forget the meds by the way"

He did a little nod while taking the glass before shuffling around in the drawer for his antidepressants "The window has a lock though"

"Everyones got that one friend who's really good at picking locks nowadays" Virgil sat down crosslegged on top of the desk and continued to fiddle with one of Jan's dreadlocks.

"Maybe there's some smell in our room that makes the animals want to come here. You don't happen to have any horrible stenches lying around?"

"Or we're haunted!"

"You shouldn't say that so happily"

---

Remus' bed was weightened down as someone sat down beside him. He ignored it to keep feeling sorry for himself in the little blanket cocoon he'd rolled himself into.

"Dukey?" It was Roman's voice.

It made Remus at least peep his head up from the blanket. His brother held out a deck of cards to him while trying to muster an apologetic smile. Her nose was still bruised and slightly crooked from their fight.

"Want to play uno?" An attempt at forgiveness in the most sibling way possible "If you win I'll let you eat the cards and everything"

Remus took the deck of cards in his hands and looked at it in silence. The taste of human flesh filled his mouth as he gulped "You didn't show up"

"I was upset...I was tired of having to take care of you after every time you fed...I wanted to make a point I guess.."

"Yeah well you didn't fucking show up!" Remus threw the cards at him before yelling "You can go shove those cards up your ass!!"

Roman didn't even try to argue back. He picked up the cards in silence before leaving. Remus could feel something disappearing in his chest as his brother went back to earth.

The taste of flesh filled his entire throat as he hid under the blankets once more. There was no way for him to survive without seducing humans. It kept repeating in his mind along with the threat of heaven fast approching. Every time someone walked by he jumped at the chance of it being the manager.

He was so sure that if the manager saw Roman close to him she would get Punished as well.

---

The same day Remy climbed into Remus' bed and laid down next to the blanket cocoon that was him. They didn't say anything, not even for hours, they just laid there next to him.

Some of the other succubi returned home for the day and the room became filled with chatter. Groups of gossip, music playing from speakers and dialogue from tv shows. A new hit show had apparently come from the greed circle. An argument broke out between those who prefered shows made by pride demons against greed demon fans.

The night continued and the slight warmth of Remy's body still didn't move away. The room turned a bit quieter for the sake of the succubi who liked sleeping. A few of the succubi let up into whistles and teasing as a succubi couple sneaked away to the corner where they'd hung up a curtain for private time.

It nearly took until morning until Remus let his hand wander outside the blanket and moved to press his pinkie against Remy's. They gently took his hand in theirs and squeezed tight.

He held up the blanket to let Remy inside while holding his finger over his mouth 'I gotta tell you something' He signed 'No one can see us right?'

'Girl we're literally under a blanket. Demons don't have see through vision stupid' They replied.

Remus held up his hands, ready to sign, but hesitated on what to say. Or how to start rather.

'I attacked a human'

Remy took a deep breathe and he could practically see as they thought through the implications 'How bad?'

'I ripped into their arm dude. An ambulance came'

They parsed their lips as if to speak before closing their mouth again 'Why is like a totally dumb question aint it'

But Remus still responded since he hadn't been able to talk to anyone about it 'I fed on like 6 people I think. I wanted to- I was mad- I wanted to punch Romans mind out- the manager- I- I dunno'

'6? Girl no. Thats a lot even like for normal succubi'

'I dunno. And- And Roman didnt come get me. He always does! And and then this human came and I wanted to go home. I just wanted to go home Remy. Yknow? I didnt- I thought maybe I could sustain myself on humans and the human was- I tried to get away at first I did but then- I thought I could feed in my own way- But it didnt work. I didnt fed I just ripped and-'

Remy grabbed ahold of his shoulders "Hey" They whispered "Me and Emile said we were gonna protect you. We weren't lying" They switched back to signing 'No one will know. If you say so not even Emile will know'

Remus leant his forehead against the nape of their neck and took a few long shaking breathes before looking into their eyes 'Do you think I could survive heaven?'

'Dont- Girl dont even-'

'I mean I could slaughter my way out right? I know all about violence! I could get out right? If Patton could-'

'We dont even know if Patton is real!'

'Of course he is! If he survived heaven- If he made it back so can I! Youre older than me! You should know if Patton is real or not! Youve never not said hes real!'

'How am I supposed to fucking know! Everyones been telling us bout him since before I was even fucking made!'

'I could survive it!'

'What would you get back to?! The manager would just send you to heaven again!'

'I run away! I- I find a place on earth!'

'You hate earth'

'Yeah well I would hate being dead more!'

Remy abruptly stopped the conversation by hugging him tightly. So tight their fingers dug into his skin. Remus held them just as tight.

'Roman wont get Punished as well? Right?.....Right?'

'...Of course...Of course not...'

Remus' hands shook ever so slightly as he signed 'Roman would miss me...right?'

Remy grabbed his hands and whispered "Don't talk like that. We won't let it happen! You're not going to heaven! You're staying right fucking here! You hear me!?"

"You didn't answer the question"

"Of fucking course Roman's gonna miss you! We're all gonna miss you!"

"I'm the reason our squadron's in the shit"

"And!? That don't matter! You're not leaving us!"

They hugged him again and buried their face against his shoulder so he wouldn't see the tears in their eyes.

"You're not leaving us"

[i-was-bored-so-this-happened]

Alexandra's Evolution Chapter Six: Fare-Dodging Creepy-Crawly - Part One

Fandom: Primeval Wordcount: 4.3k Warnings: Insects

The ARC team learn of a creature attacking workers in underground railway tunnels, and go in search of the creature and its anomaly. The team are separated and realise Connor Temple might be their only hope.

Read on AO3 Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

-------------------------------------

Stephen and Alex tilt their heads to the side in unison to get a better view of the picture Nick’s showing them on his phone.

“How’d you get this, Leek’s a hawkeye about cameras,” Stephen says, taking the phone from Nick’s hand and turning it to save his neck. Nick just shrugs, pushing his hands into his pockets, “In what world does that look like an axe wound?” Stephen adds under his breath, “Bloody NHS.”

“Doesn’t look much like a snake either though, there’s only the one puncture and it’s way too big.” Alex points out before turning her head and calling Abby over. Abby starts, surprised by the shout and pulls out of her slow walking tour of the ARC operations room. This is the first time she’s been in the building. She hasn’t even made it to the labs yet. Alex and Stephen are hoping Abby will join their crusade for Lester to allow them to collect plant and soil samples from the anomalies and their surroundings, and showing her the labs is key in this plot.

“What is it?” Abby asks, tilting her head back and forth just as the Hart’s had been doing.

“A pest controller working under Arsenal Station. He’s been attacked and dosed with some kind of poison or venom,” Nick explains, “But none of the doctors can work out what did it.”

“Big snake,” Abby states, deciding the angle her head is currently at will do fine, “There are big snakes everywhere, thousands of sightings a year, exotic pet smugglers being caught at airports,” she squints, “But that…that doesn’t quite fit what I’ve seen.”

“Or us,” Alex says, gesturing to her uncle, who obligingly lifts his foot and pulls up his trouser leg to show the scarring on his calf from a cottonmouth bite he’d gotten a few years ago, “But if it’s an anomaly, there have been fossils found of huge snakes that might be capable of this kind of damage.”

“Titanoboa.” Nick supplies her with the name she’s forgotten.

“That’s the one.”

“Hang on,” Abby says, a hand glancing off Alex’s shoulder as something occurs to her, “Weren’t you two late to Madame Tussaud’s because of Tube delays? Some…insect or other on the line, my colleagues at the zoo were talking about it.”

“Shit, yeah.” Alex realises, digging out her phone.

“Victoria and Piccadilly.” Nick tells her, knowing that she’s trying to remember what lines were affected.

“And they go in the direction of Arsenal Station, don’t they?” Stephen asks. All three of them nod. “That’s why the pest controller would’ve been called in.”

“But if it was something from an anomaly that came through, bit him, it’s not on any NHS records. Steve, go find Leek, we’ve got to get down there.”

“Wait!” Abby says before Stephen can turn, “We need to clear the area. Can we do that? Like at Baker Street. So no one else gets bitten.”

“Absolutely not,” All four of them jump. None of them had noticed Lester waltzing towards them, busy connecting the dots of their current mystery. Leek is beside him, of course, so close to the group that Stephen would have slammed into him if he had completed his turn, “How do you suggest I explain this?” Lester goes on, “To the Mayor, who doesn’t even know about you ragtag hero-complex lot, ‘Excuse me sir, would you mind terribly throwing the whole bloody Underground into chaos because we think there may be a fare-dodging creepy-crawly on the loose somewhere’?”

“I don’t suppose they meant the entire Underground, sir,” Leek, actually standing up for them, “Rather just the area the attack took place. Piccadilly and Victoria lines, that’s all.”

“That’s all?” Lester repeats, quite clearly enraged at Leek’s betrayal.

“Not even the whole lines, then,” Leek says quickly, trying to recover before he loses his job, “The surrounding Tube stations, many of them are old and in disuse anyway…better to have angry passengers than dead ones, sir, is all I mean.” This argument gives Lester pause. Deaths mean an awful lot of tedious paperwork he actually has to read through before signing off on. He sighs. Loudly. And leaves a pause just long enough for the team to worry before,

“Yes, very well.”

***

Lester had agreed to shut the station and it’s surrounding stops down, but he doesn’t let the team have full control. Once more, Leek is sent with them to act on his behalf. Nick’s team answers to him, as does Tom Ryan’s. When’s Nick’s pickup scrapes to a stop, 

“Jesus Al, did you skip the lessons when they taught you how to use the brakes?”

Soldiers are already piling out of their respective cars, all in protective black jumpsuits, forming an assembly line of guns, night-vision goggles, earpieces and microphones. They file towards the Tube entrance while civilians clatter up the emergency-stopped escalators and spill out in all directions. Leek strolls casually towards Nick’s car, adjusting his suit as though it had gotten wrinkled while sitting with the soldiers. He’s very proud of his suits. Not as proud as Lester, mind, but proud. Nick passes Alex her bag before she hops down out of the car. It’s heavier than usual, holding everyone else’s essentials as well as her own.

“Why aren’t they waiting for us?” Abby wonders aloud.

“Special Forces go first, Miss Maitland, it’s rule number one.” Leek tells her with one of those smiles of his.

“Thought rule number one was the Official Secrets Act?” Stephen asks archly before turning back to the car to get his jacket. Leek’s smooth expression falters, but only for a moment,

“You can’t bend James Lester’s will entirely to your own, no one can.” 

“They don’t know what they’re looking for.” Nick points out.

“Can’t be that many venomous predators on the Underground.”

“Try being a woman on a Friday night,” Alex snorts. Abby and Stephen each suppress their own laughs, “When do they get to go down?” she asks, pointing a thumb in Nick’s direction.

“I wouldn’t get your hopes up. Our men might be able to handle it themselves,” he’s got his smile back. She doesn’t like it. He hands Alex a walkie-talkie, “You can go and sit up there to wait. I’ll be staying with the cars.” Leek turns and leaves the group. They themselves are fizzing. Nick mutters something dark under his breath. 

“What’s the point of us being here if they don’t let us do anything?” he asks. Alex hitches her bag further up her shoulder and brings the walkie-talkie up to her mouth,

“You’ve got Alex Hart.”

Alex Hart, you’ve got Tom Ryan.

“Handing you over to the Professor.” Alex adds, seeing Nick’s outstretched hand in her peripheral vision.

Copy.

“So what do we do?” Abby asks. Stephen’s hand alights on her shoulder for a brief second before he points in the direction of steps leading up to a wee gazebo,

“I guess we take our seats and wait.”

Abby doesn’t take a seat for a while. She paces the perimeter of the gazebo and fidgets, toying with the ends of her scarf, and then settles on the bench opposite Nick and Stephen, still toying with the ends of her scarf. 

“You’re gonna pull the tassels off, Abby.” Stephen tells her, holding Nick’s feet in his lap. At any given opportunity, Nick will have his feet up. Stephen often provides that opportunity. Alex is on the floor at the halfway mark between the two parties, kneeling so the knees of her jeans can soak up the cold dampness of the wood. It’s been drizzling all morning. Her foot is jiggling in time with the music filtering through her earbuds while she empties the contents of her bag onto the bench in front of her and the floor around her. Once she’s happy with her arrangements, she sits back on her heels with a notebook and a pen and starts measuring. She takes note of barometric pressure, windspeed, how far above sea level the land is.

“Remind me to borrow a geiger counter off old Burnie, Teach.” Alex tells Nick.

“Yeah, I’ll remind him to remind you.” Stephen says, even as he stares into the mouth of the entrance to the Tube station.

“We need a geiger counter?” Abby asks, that concerned tone they’ve become familiar with seeping back into her voice. Alex worries at her bottom lip, glancing at Nick,

“Connor was worried there might be some kind of radiation coming off the anomalies…that’s the sort of thing that’s better to know than not, you know?” 

“Oh. Right. Yeah, radiation’s a good thing to know about.” Abby’s gaze darts between Nick and Alex, but Nick’s watching Stephen watching the Underground as though he hadn’t heard Alex say anything, so instead she watches the little anemometer Alex had placed at the mouth of the gazebo spin around and around and around while Alex unfolds and refolds a map until she can draw a circle around their current location. This isn’t Nick’s map, Nick cares too much about his maps for her to draw all over them, but one she’d bought herself to mark anomaly sites. Carefully, in her smallest writing, she carefully writes down her measurements, then copies those measurements into her notebook along with the others. They’re all measurements Connor had asked them to take. She knows how to write them down, but not what to do with them. Again, physics. Not her best science. Or second best. Or really even third best, but she figures she should still take the notes until someone figures out how to put them together in a way that makes sense. 

The walkie-talkie balances on Nick’s knee, crackly conversation coming through rather muffled with the occasional clearer comment from Tom Ryan. Alex’s foot keeps jiggling. Threads are pulled out of Abby’s scarf. Stephen plays with Nick’s shoelaces. They do this until yells crunch over the walkie-talkie. Yells, and screams.

“Al, get your kit!” Stephen says, shoving Nick’s feet off his lap so they land with a solidly surprised thump on the floor of the gazebo. He recovers quickly, jumping to hit feet while Stephen tightens the belt of his leather jacket. When they leave the gazebo, Abby follows close on their heels. Alex grabs the first aid kit she’d brought from the ARC and a few other supplies before taking the steps two at a time, the belt of her own jacket trailing behind her with a bandage. Uniformed soldiers are pouring out of the Tube station in the same fashion the civilians had been not even an hour ago. Alex moves towards the car so she can open the bed of the truck. One of the uniforms is propped up against two others.

“Get him over here! Oliver, call an ambulance! Nick, phone!” Dumping her stuff in the truck bed, Stephen goes to her with the phone. Seeing the weighed-down soldiers struggling in her direction, she slaps a hand against the floor of the bed of the truck to indicate that they should put him there before diving into the first-aid kit.

“Bloody hell, Alex Hart, do you know what you’re doing?” Tom Ryan asks.

“Funnily enough they didn’t cover insect bites in Amazonian First Aid.” Her nitrile gloves snap to her wrists as punctuation. 

“Fair enough.”

“What’s his name?” Alex asks, pulling the night-vision goggles and various wires connected to communicators off his head. Ryan tells her. “Okay, Ricky, I’m going to unzip your jacket a little so I can get to the bite, okay? Watch his head. Stephen, get me the photo of the pest controller.”

“Tell me you didn’t-” Tom Ryan starts.

“I didn’t.”

“Good-”

“Nick did.”

“Oh, come on-”

“Ryan, tell me what you saw.” This is Nick, jogging over with Leek strolling along behind him. From a distance.

“They were like spiders, but with pincers, not fangs-” Ryan answers. Alex tilts Ricky’s head to the side, talking him through her process. She’s careful to keep his mouth open so he doesn’t bite his tongue. He’s shaking. Stephen shows her the photo of the pest-controller’s bite, and she shakes her own head to signal that something’s wrong,

“No, no, that's something entirely different. This mark’s hardly a tenth of the size of that one, and it’s not as sunken-” Stephen theorises aloud and Alex adds her agreement while Tom Ryan continues describing the spiders,

“-some of them over a metre long-” 

“-these spiders aren’t big enough for that sort of damage-” Alex moves Ricky’s head a little and notices his eyes. They’ve rolled back. She presses her fingers to his neck, gently feeling her way up his throat to his mouth.

“Tell me how you feel.” Nick tells Ryan.

“Sick,” he answers, “My ears are ringing.”

“Any blurred vision?”

“No.”

“Shit, Steve, bag, now,” Alex pushes at his shoulder with her elbow to hurry him along, “Oliver, ambulance, he’s in anaphylactic shock.”

“Beg pardon?” Oliver asks.

“He’s having an allergic reaction to the insect bite,” Nick pushes past Leek while Stephen bounds up the gazebo steps, giving the explanation as an afterthought, “Alex, move away.”

“Nick, I’m fine-”

“Move. Stephen!” Alex has little choice but to step back. Stephen all but slides back down the steps in his efforts to move as fast as humanly possible, which to be frank is quite fast in Stephen’s case. Oliver Leek finally, finally, lifts his phone to his ear and starts issuing orders through it, slinking away from the group as he does. Tom Ryan, Alex Hart and Abby Maitland form a small line, a shield between Ricky and the rest of the world, left to watch Stephen and Nick. The latter upends Alex’s bag into the bed of the pickup, scrambling through the carnage of it until he finds what he’s after. The EpiPen. Nick rips the blue top off, slams the pen into Ricky’s leg. There’s a loud click, then an unnatural silence, as though everything around the group has been deafened but the counting of the seconds. Stephen stops counting after ten, clambers into the back of the truck to support the unconscious soldier. Alex doesn’t stop until forty, when Ricky’s breath comes back to him in a gasp. Only then does she let her own breath go.

“Ricky. Ricky? It’s Professor Cutter, can you hear me, Ricky?” Nick asks, having abandoned the empty EpiPen to hold Ricky’s head. His eyes open briefly, then screw shut, and he groans. Nick pats him on the shoulder, “Good lad. Alex, watch him,” he turns to her, holding out a very strict finger. Stephen cuts into the conversation before he can say his next sentence, but Alex is pretty sure they were both going to say the same thing,

“You stay. That’s non-negotiable,” he’s wearing his serious face, “Take over from me here.” He adds, moving to stand while still supporting Ricky. Alex hitches herself up into the truck and sits behind the soldier, taking his weight when Stephen lets go and accepts Nick’s hand to help him down from the car. An ambulance siren wails towards them.

“Anything else, Ryan?” Nick asks. Tom Ryan snaps back to attention.

“Uh…uh, one more thing, the gunshots, they were too bright, more like fireworks.” He rubs the back of his head with his fist. Nervous? 

“Textbook over-oxygenation.” Stephen states, looking to Nick who nods and elaborates, 

“A richer, more heavily oxygenated air must be seeping through from another anomaly. We’re not talking about any era we’ve encountered so far, this is much, much earlier.”

“How much earlier?” Abby asks.

“Giant insects means Carboniferous, right? When was that again, exactly?” Alex asks from her place in the truck. Ricky’s moving more, waking up. She whispers to him to stay still, that he’s okay.

“At least three hundred million years ago,” Nick answers, “It’s not exactly any of our areas of expertise, we really need to see these creatures for ourselves.” His last statement is said more directly to Leek, who’s hovering a few feet away. He’s good at that. Hovering almost but not quite out of earshot. The entire group focuses their attention on him. He looks up from his phone, having just read a message from Lester.

“Alright, you’re clear to go, get them suited and booted, Tom.”

***

Once Alex has received confirmation that Ricky has arrived at the hospital, she grabs hold of her bag and sprints up to the gazebo where the rest of the team are still changing. Abby’s somewhere in the bushes, Alex can see them moving about and hear her quietly swearing when she gets her foot caught in a root.

“Oh, you wear it well, you look good.” She can also hear Stephen mumble this to Nick while he zips the black jumpsuit up under his partner’s chin. They’re the same black jumpsuits the soldiers were wearing. Nick’s smiling at him, or at least he’s smiling until his gaze drifts over Stephen’s shoulder to Alex. Then he’s wearing his serious look, which is infinitesimally different from his usual, resting face.

“We told you to stay in the car.”

“Ricky’s in A&E, they’re running tests-”

“Alex, I don’t want you anywhere-”

“The pest controller’s dead,” Alex speaks over her uncle, loud enough so that she knows Abby will hear her. The rustling bush stops for a moment, “I’m just telling you to be careful.” Stephen touches Nick’s elbow, and Nick walks away with Tom Ryan. Stephen then moves towards Alex and ruffles her hair. Pinches her cheek and makes a tutting sound with his tongue the way her grandmother used to, “Don’t invoke Nonna, that makes it serious.”

“We’ll be fine.” Stephen assures her. She watches him for a moment, looking for signs of doubt but she finds none.

“Alright. Down the mines with you.” Alex relents, pushing her fist into Stephen’s shoulder. Abby emerges from the bushes with only two leaves in her hair and one stick stuck to the black jumpsuit. She hops up into the gazebo and grins at the other two, though she does still look a little nervous.

“This is going to be great for my insect study,” she still does some hours at the zoo while she’s on probation for the ARC, but due to budget cuts she’s had to split her time between the reptile house and the bug house which really isn’t what she signed up for, “But to tell you the truth, spiders aren’t really my thing.”

“Yeah, well, technically, these are probably scorpions.” Stephen says, clapping a hand on Abby’s shoulder the way Nick does to signal it’s time to go. Abby takes the hint and marches off with him, calling back to Alex,

“I feel better already!”

Alex laughs when Abby does a little skip. Ryan is marching in the opposite direction, nodding to Stephen and Abby when he passes them on his way up the steps, but Alex frowns at him when he draws level with her. 

“Heard anything about Ricky?” she asks, though her frown is admittedly more confused than concerned.

“It wasn’t the same thing that bit the pest controller, and you lot caught his reaction pretty quick,” Tom Ryan looks a little confused too, he’s shifted out of his stiff posture and pulled his earpiece off, “Why aren’t you going spelunking?” he asks.

“Oh, I was never gonna go down there. I’m allergic to insects, and I used my EpiPen on Ricky.” Alex settles on the bench and shoogles her compass. It’s still working.

“I didn’t know. Didn’t know about him either.” Ryan admits.

“He might not have known himself. He might not be allergic at all, and it was just whatever venom the spider uses on its prey,” Alex shrugs, “God knows how prehistoric venom would interact with the human nervous system. You don’t tend to be affected by regular insect bites because their prey is tiny, they don’t need to have enough of a punch to take down a human, but back in the Carboniferous…” Alex pauses, pushes her hair back off her forehead and takes a moment to tie it back, “I don’t know much, but supersize insects means supersize prey, which one would assume means stronger venom.” Ryan’s walkie-talkie, velcroed to his chest pocket, squeaks and crackles like a half-empty pack of crisps. He holds it up to his ear for a brief moment, and then steps forward to hand it to Alex. Nick,

Right, Alex, we’re down. No sign of anything but spiders, a gasp, Abby, she’s fine.

“Right on, Teach.” Alex offers the device back to Ryan, but he refuses it so she sets it down on the bench. “What are you doing up here, anyway?” she asks. All the other soldiers are clustered around the cars they’d arrived in.

“Leek wanted someone to watch you so you wouldn’t pull a solo act.”

“Fair enough,” Alex admits. She opens her bag and starts digging around in it, “Sit.” She tells Ryan.

“What?”

“Sit, I’m going to make sure you’re alright. Ears still ringing?”

“Uh…no.” He hesitates, then decides to play along and perch at the very edge of the bench so he can take flight at a moment's notice. Alex finds her reliable old magnetic torch and shakes it.

“Describe the spiders to me again.” Alex says. He does while she checks his vision, testing pupil dilation with the torch and getting him to follow her finger while she waves it in front of his face. She takes his pulse and snaps her fingers beside each ear to check hearing.

“Amazonian First Aid?” he asks.

“Not exactly. Not sure what happens if you spend too much time in a highly-oxygenated environment, figured I should check the basics.”

“Weren’t down there that long.” Ryan points out. The walkie-talkie crackles and Stephen’s voice filters through,

Found the anomaly. 

No sign of any other creature, Nick adds.

Should we go back up? Abby asks.

No, not yet, Nick answers. Silence falls but the talkie doesn’t turn off. Alex and Ryan frown at one another. The former leans further forward over the machine, the latter stands and moves towards the steps leading towards the station.

What is it? Abby again.

“What’s what?” Alex asks, “What are we seeing?”

Dunno, Stephen answers. Momentary quiet. Shit! 

“Stephen? Stephen?” the walkie-talkie cracks loudly into silence, “Stephen?” Ryan had turned round by the second call, leapt down the steps at the second. Alex follows shortly, shoving the walkie-talkie into her jacket. One of Nick’s old jackets, really. She gets her pick of his and Stephen’s clothes when they do a clear-out rather than buying herself new ones. By the time she reaches the station, Ryan and a small group of soldiers are already filing down the escalators. Leek stands at the top, holding a walkie-talkie of his own and trying to raise Nick with it. Nothing’s coming back through. Leek’s holding a map.

“Where are they?” Alex asks, poking the map so it crinkles. Leek balances it over a barrier and finds their current location, considers, then walks his fingers a little southwest.

“They should be around here, this is where the soldiers found the spiders.” He draws a small circle with his finger.

“That’s not far, why aren’t they back?” Alex asks this even though she knows Leek can’t possibly answer. She counts. Counts the seconds until she sees someone. Abby. A soldier. Ryan. Stephen. Another soldier. No Nick. No Nick. No Nick. She calls Stephen’s name, because his head is twisted to look up at the gazebo instead of in front of him. He reaches her first. “Nick?” Alex asks simply.

“We found the other creature, we got separated.” Stephen twists again to look back down into the station, “I’m going back down there.”

“No you are not.” Leek tells him. Stephen turns back to him, incredulous. His jaw tenses, a bad sign.

“Excuse me?”

“You are not going back down there, none of you are.”

“He could be injured. If that thing is what attacked the pest controller he’ll die. I’m going back.”

“What was it?” Alex asks, wishing she’d had more of an interest in the Carboniferous than the Pleistocene when she was younger, “The creature?”

“Some kind of centipede.” Stephen says, half of his words lost to the rain as he looks back to the station.

“Centipede, but huge!” Abby adds, chest rising and falling rapidly.

“That’s really not enough to go on, we need to know more,” Leek says, “Strengths, weaknesses-”

“We don’t know, no one does!” Abby’s voice rises a little too high. Alex tries the walkie-talkie. It scrunches and crunches and creaks but no voice comes through it. The noises remind her of something.

“Connor would,” she blurts, “He wrote a paper on the Carboniferous first year, went to Scotland to see the fossils and everything. His notebook has giant bugs on the cover.”

“Leek, we need Connor.” Stephen says when Alex’s statement doesn’t get a reaction from him.

“No. He’s not permitted within a hundred feet-”

“I don’t give a shit.”

“None of us know what we’re dealing with,” Abby cuts in, taking a more gentle approach, though being more gentle than Stephen at this point isn’t difficult, “If Connor does we can save lives, Oliver.” Leek thinks this over. He thinks just a touch too long.

“Who has his number?” he asks.

“On it.” Abby replies. Leek follows her when she sprints to the car. Leaving Stephen and Alex at the mouth of the station. The soldiers are gone, neither of them are sure when they’d disappeared. In the grand scheme of things, they don’t really matter right now. What matters is that Nick is in danger, real danger, and he’s alone. And, unusually for Nick, he doesn’t know what to do. These are the three very specific boxes to tick if you want to get Stephen Hart this riled up. Alex glances from the cluster of soldiers to the pick-up. Everyone’s backs are to them. When she looks at Stephen she meets his eyes, panicked eyes, angry breathing.

“Go.” Alex says. She blinks, and he’s gone.

[delimeful]

Helpless (3)

warnings: misunderstandings, spiders/arachnophobia, mild violence

-

Halfway through the woods, Patton heard the distinct sound of someone mumbling.

He paused mid-step, tilting his head to listen with a fair bit of curiosity. The mumbling was quiet enough that he couldn’t make out any individual words, but he could more or less tell which direction it was coming from.

Whatever the source was, they sounded a little frustrated.

He hesitated. Virgil was always emphasizing how careful Patton needed to be in the woods, though how much of that was due to actual danger and how much was the drider being a worrywart over Patton’s ‘chronic inability to defend himself’, he wasn’t sure.

Either way, this didn’t sound like a dangerous wild animal, so it would probably be okay to take a little detour and see what the matter was!

He followed the noise off the trail into a thick copse of trees, eventually coming upon intricate silvery threadwork that wound between them. He was proud to say he only barely shuddered as he ducked past them, his fear of spiders mostly overcome by his affection for his friend.

The webbing got thicker the further he went, and eventually he came upon the source of the mumbling, which appeared to be a whole person, stuck against the outer edge of one of Virgil’s larger webs.

They looked up upon spotting him, eyes bright for a moment before taking him in and visibly dulling with disappointment, which, aside from sorta hurting Patton’s feelings, seemed an odd response for someone in need of help.

“Hello there,” he greeted, waving. “My name’s Patton, I live over at the nearby town. You seem to be in a bit of a prestickament!”

“No, I did this myself,” the stranger corrected, already looking past Patton with disinterest. “It is an attempt to meet with someone I would like to speak with, and they seem the skittish sort, so I would appreciate it if you moved on.”

Patton hummed, more than a little confused. Something about this seemed familiar. “What are you going to do if this person doesn’t show up, though?”

“My arms are free,” they responded, frowning at Patton’s persistence as they wiggled the fingers of their free hand demonstrably. The other hand was occupied with a worn-looking journal. “I will be able to eat and drink, and thus am in no danger.”

“My friend says these woods can get mighty cold at night,” Patton countered, undeterred. “Can’t you meet your friend in town, instead? Why does it have to be a drider’s web?”

And, oh, that was it! Virgil had just been telling him the other day about someone who’d gotten stuck in one of his webs just like this, a mage who had been all-too-delighted to see him. Patton had hardly registered how they’d met, since he’d mostly been very upset to learn that some people would try to use his friend’s body parts as potions ingredients.

“That’s because the drider is the one I’m hoping to speak with,” the stranger replied, as though it should be obvious. “I sincerely doubt they would appreciate an invitation to town.”

Patton stared at the little notebook for a moment, and abruptly put the pieces together. This must have been the stranger that freaked Virgil out so badly!

And he was lying in wait in one of Virgil’s webs… In that case, there was no way he could leave things like this.

“I don’t think the drider is around,” he offered cheerily. “Sometimes they migrate to different areas for different seasons! You won’t meet anyone while hanging around, so I’ll help you down!”

He circled around the tree where most of the webs were rooted, approaching the stranger’s edge of webbing, and found to his surprise that they really were stuck. How they planned to ambush Virgil while stuck in a web, he wasn’t sure, especially since the gambit hadn’t worked on the first attempt either. Magic, maybe?

“How do you know that?” the stranger asked, craning to look at him with sudden interest. “About drider migration cycles.”

Patton shrugged as he plucked at the threads of the web, testing each one to see where they led. “I’m a good listener, so I pick things up here and there. What do you do?”

It seemed to be the right question to ask, since the stranger perked up, distracted from his inquiry.

“I am a researcher,” they informed Patton. “I’m seeking out information on the more reclusive creatures that live in these lands, like driders! This is the first one that I’ve met in person, so if they’re leaving, I need to catch up right away.”

Patton slid the sheath off of the little paring knife he’d taken to carrying and started sawing at one of the threads. “Are you going to try to capture him?” he asked, keeping his voice as even as he could. “You know, for your research.”

“I’m not a bounty hunter,” they replied indignantly. “The behavior of any being would be unnatural and stilted while imprisoned, especially a sapient one. My research is meant to increase humanity's understanding of driders, not to put them on display for entertainment.”

Patton blinked at them, slicing through another strand. “You… aren’t looking to hurt them?”

“No!” They honestly sounded offended by the idea. “I don’t think I ever could, anyhow, the one I met was very large, and they would likely be able to incapacitate me without any trouble.”

“Weren’t you scared?” Patton asked, remembering the terror that had swept through him during that first encounter, when he’d thought the drider was a giant creepy crawly death dealer. Even after he realized, when Virgil yoinked him with his two front legs, Patton had been a little nervous.

“People are only scared of what they don’t understand,” they informed him, chin lifted stubbornly, “and I know more about driders than any other human. I don’t see any reason to be afraid.”

“Wow… You’re really passionate about this, huh?” Patton grinned as he sliced through the last of the support webbing, and with a few snaps, the researcher fell to the ground, only a few strands of silk clinging to them.

“Of course!” they replied, pausing to pull some of the softer webbing bits off of himself and folding them into a pocket of his bag. “The information compiled on them is often vague or outright misleading, and due to their reclusiveness and occasional aggression, nobody else has been able to correct these false accounts.”

They paused, studying the woods around them. “I am… uncertain on how I’m going to discern which area the drider has chosen to migrate to. I don’t suppose you have any idea?”

Patton patted their shoulder. “Don’t worry about that. I think there’s a friend of mine you should meet properly.”

—

“Virgil!” Patton called brightly. “I’m here!”

He had been leading the way through increasingly dense and shadowy foliage for a fair while, now. Logan glanced up from their connected hands to see exactly where he was being pulled to, his heartbeat picking up in speed despite the possibility that this was a cruel prank or even a mugging.

Sure, Patton had described the drider that he’d met a couple of days ago quite accurately, but that was no assurance that he was actually familiar with the being. Most of the townsfolk seemed peripherally aware of ‘Virgil’’s presence, after all, so Patton could have glimpsed him before. It seemed more likely than them being friends. Driders were notoriously solitary, and ‘Virgil’ had seemed quite averse during Logan’s encounter with him, after all.

There was a crack from above, like a branch snapping.

In the next moment, a heavy weight had dropped down from above, knocking Logan to the ground and forcing all the air from his lungs. As he gasped futilely, he realized there were two hands pinning his arms to the ground, and some very familiar fangs put on full display, mere inches from his face.

“Leave him alone,” a very angry drider demanded, his regular voice layered with harsh, gravely rattling.

Logan wheezed in response, absently noting that there were multiple small black eyes visible against the dark marks under the more human set of eyes and wondering just how the two different ocular sensory organs overlapped.

“Virgil, stop!” Patton’s hands appeared at the edge of Logan’s vision, pushing back against Virgil’s shoulders until he eased up, lifting his crouched spider half up only slightly, as though prepared to lunge at Logan again at any moment. “He’s fine! He won’t hurt you!”

Virgil’s glare finally flicked away, though it turned more bewildered-angry than murderous-angry once landing on Patton. Logan wasn’t sure, but he thought the smaller eyes remained locked on him. “This is the mage I told you about! It’s not safe, you need to get out of here--,”

“Mage?” Logan asked, his voice still coming out a little winded. “What are you talking about?”

“He’s not,” Patton said at nearly the same time, “I promise, he just wants to know more about you! Right, Logan?”

“I’m certainly not a mage,” he agreed, rubbing at his arm. The full force of a drider grabbing him… that was going to bruise. He wondered if there was a way to measure that power. “I’m not sure how you got that impression, I don’t have any of the tools mages often carry.”

Virgil looked back and forth between the two humans with clear consternation, and Patton was the one who answered. “Well, most people are afraid at just the sight of him. And… you weren’t.”

“Of course not,” Logan said, still trying to grasp the connection between his lack of fear and his alleged magehood. “I was enthralled. He’s very beautiful.”

Above him, Virgil made a choked-off noise and shuffled back, giving Logan space to sit up and regain full faculty of his senses. Virgil had turned his face away, and Patton was muffling a smile behind his hand.

“Was that… invasive?” Logan asked hesitantly, glancing between the two of them. “I apologize, this is my first research voyage, so I may have become... over-enthusiastic.”

Virgil flapped a hand at him, as though trying to physically dispel his words. “What exactly does a ‘research voyage’ entail?”

Logan straightened up, trying to look as professional as possible while still sitting on the forest floor. He suspected there might be detritus in his hair. “It’s a journey undertaken by apprentice-level researchers to expand their knowledge in their specific field. Often, once they have thorough evidence and a compelling thesis, they will return to their teacher and present this in order to advance as a journeyman.”

Of course, Logan had no intention of doing that. He was going to spend as long as he could traveling and learning and compiling his knowledge, until nobody could argue that he wasn’t suited to the world of scholars.

“And your field is… spiders? Monsters?” Virgil asked, eyebrows raised dubiously.

“I am attempting to correct the misconceptions that are so rampant in bestiaries,” Logan corrected. “So many depend on them, but I’ve found very few actually capture the intricacies of the cultures and habits of nonhuman magical beings. They read more like old wives’ tales, passed down and warped with time, and both the scientific community and the beings in question suffer for it.”

“Huh.” Virgil tilted his head slightly, and Logan realized that at some point his smaller eyes had closed, the dark creases vanishing amidst the pockets of shade under his eyes.

“That sounds like the bestiary way to help people!” Patton added, and Logan watched in disbelief as Virgil’s expression relaxed further, the drider snorting softly.

“So all I’d have to do is… be a drider in front of you?” he asked, one of his back legs tapping against the ground in a remarkable imitation of the way a nervous human might tap their foot. Logan nodded. “I guess… it could work. And it’d be nice to have someone else around who won’t scream at the sight of me.”

“New friend!” Patton cheered, looking perhaps more delighted at the idea than Logan’s presence really warranted. “Only the spidaring are cool enough to be friends with Virgil.”

“Is the wordplay going to be a regular thing with him?” Logan asked, his face pinching sourly.

“Better get used to it. He’s punstoppable,” Virgil replied, grinning toothily when Logan shot him a betrayed look. Logan thought he seemed pleased, going by the subtle twitching of his pointy ears.

Logan hid a small smile of his own. Perhaps following Patton wasn't the unwisest decision he'd ever made, after all.

[grelleswife]

Since Alois can get emotional quickly and all. Does Alois ever get jealous of Claude and his spiders? Does Alois try to destroy them in a fit of rage just to get Claude's attention or does Alois think of the spiders as weird cousins?

(Pertaining to this AU)

Content warning for mentions of animal cruelty, since squishing spiders isn’t exactly a nice thing to do.

I envision Alois as the type of kid who’d love spiders, bugs, and other creepy-crawlies, acting completely fearless around them. He and Luka used to play with critters like that because they didn’t have any other animals they could keep as pets.

However, early in the contract, Alois viewed fanon!Claude’s spiders as a threat because he perceived them as diverting the demon’s focus away from him. This wasn’t actually the case, but Alois’s deep-seated fear of abandonment turned the innocuous little spiders into something of a bogeyman.

This all came to a head one day when Alois was in a particularly bad headspace, which led him to badger Claude that whole morning with a nonstop list of tasks and demands. When the frazzled demon finally got a break, he took one of his tarantulas out of its hiding place in his sleeve and held it in his palm, smiling at the darling creature. Unfortunately, Alois had gone looking for Claude and stumbled upon this scene…promptly flying into a rage.

The boy began screaming at his demon—how dare Claude waste time playing with some ugly stupid spider when he was Alois’s butler?!

“I’ll teach you not to ignore me!!!” the boy screamed, snatching the hapless tarantula out of Claude’s hand, flinging it to the floor, and stomping it into a pulp on the carpet. Even in moments of distress, Claude is rarely demonstrative, but his face went blank with shock at seeing one of his beloved arachnids arbitrarily killed in such a fashion. Realizing what he’d done, Alois burst into tears and fled from the room.

In the aftermath, Faustus carefully cleaned up the spider’s remains and did his best to give them a proper burial, though he couldn’t stop himself from shaking. This was one of the moments when he fully realized the potential horrors of being at a mortal child’s beck and call—powerless to stop their whims even when they turned cruel. And of course, he was devastated by this unexpected loss. But he also wondered whether he really made Alois feel that neglected. He’d successfully completed contracts before this…but never one that involved a human youngling. Was Claude doomed to fail as a Trancy butler?

Meanwhile, Alois had stormed out of the manor and started heedlessly running through the grounds, besieged by guilt. Why had he done that to a spider that wasn’t hurting anybody? What if Claude hated him forever and ever or…or just left?! He had to fix this! Maybe he could find a different spider to give to his demon as a peace offering? Thus, Alois recklessly dashed into the nearby woods, ignoring the ominous storm clouds looming above.

It didn’t take the Trancy demons long to realize that His Highness had gone missing, right as a deluge began pouring down upon the manor. Although rightfully upset over what had happened to his spider, Claude was deeply worried about Alois’s whereabouts, as was Hannah. With the triplets in tow, they set out looking for him posthaste.

Shortly thereafter, Faustus heard a plaintive voice brokenly calling his name.

“C-Claude…” Alois whimpered, tears mingling with the rainwater that trickled down his cheeks.

The boy sat huddled under a tree, knees hugged tight against his chest, soaking wet and utterly miserable. He hadn’t been able to find another spider…no one was coming for him…he was awful, awful…

But then the five demons rushed to the scene, and Claude knelt in front of the tiny, pitiful figure.

“Your Highness…” he started to say, only for Alois to look up in incredulous relief, start crying harder than ever, and throw his arms around Claude’s neck, sobbing that he was sorry and that he’d never do anything mean to the butler’s spiders ever again…

The demon gently picked him up, expression softening just a tad.

“Let’s get you home. You must be freezing.”

A nice warm bath, a soft set of nightclothes, a bowl of soup, and several more tearful apologies later, Alois rested peacefully in bed, curled up with his demons (a bit like dogs might snuggle with their owner), Claude’s arm protectively wrapped around him.

Going forward, Hannah took Claude aside and suggested that he ask Alois to help him feed/take care of the spiders, or show the boy how to teach them tricks. That way, tending to the little guys could become a bonding activity for demon and master, rather than something that made Alois feel jealous or ignored. This plan worked like a charm. Now, Alois is fast friends with Claude’s eight-legged sidekicks. He can easily tell them apart and knows all of their names. Sometimes, if a party being hosted at Trancy manor is getting rather dull, he and Claude release the spiders into the crowd to cause mischief…much to their mutual amusement. 😈🕷

[ckneal]

So, up until the last year, I was not actively involved in fandom on tumblr. All of my fan theories and fic ideas were created for the sole purpose of entertaining me and me alone. And as such, when I happened upon the midam and angel communities, I did experience a certain amount of culture shock when I found that some of the things that I had just taken for granted from the very first viewing of the show—didn’t even need to think about it, it just seemed to be right there—were contrary to the beliefs of the overall fandom. And today, I feel like airing out one of these for fun of it.

(And warning, this might be an unpopular take.)

Before discovering the midam community, I believed that Kate Milligan was aware of the existence of the supernatural and complicit in keeping Adam in the dark.

To be clear right off the bat, I am not purposing a Mary Winchester situation. I do not think that Kate was a hunter. But I do think that the chain of events that led to Adam’s conception may have had more in common with what Sam laid out at the beginning of Jump the Shark. I have two main reasons in thinking this.

The first reason, is simply this: John gave Kate his cellphone number. She just had it on hand when Adam decided he wanted to meet his dad twelve years down the line. That just seemed really weird. John Winchester is not exactly the stay-for-breakfast type, let alone the type to stay in contact with a one night stand in a backwater town. But you know who he DOES give his phone number out to? People who know that he’s a hunter, and who might recognize the signs of the paranormal and give him a call in the future. People he expects might lead to further cases.

The second reason is pertaining to the ghoul children. How did they know about Kate and Adam? John had not been to see Adam in a couple of years by the time of Adam’s death, and is implied to have been an infrequent visitor before that. Would the ghoul children have really been staking out the town for over two years before making their move? That seemed so implausible to me, personally, upon the first viewing of the show that I dismissed it outright, and with subsequent rewatches it seems more clear—from the way that the ghoul seems to blink and search for the answers every time Sam and Dean ask about Adam’s history, and with Denise when she asks if “Adam” would like his usual order—that, no, the ghouls had not been watching Adam and Kate at length because clearly the ghoul’s impersonation of Adam was not polished. Kate and Adam were killed by amateurs.

And, to me, the fact that they knew to go after Kate only made sense because, somehow, she was part of the hunt. Not as some nurse who stitched John back together after he hauled himself away from the scene of the crime either.

What I think happened, was this. The ghoul children said that their father was not a monster, and they were telling the truth. A monster named John Winchester came to town with all the motivation of an exterminator coming to take care of a cockroach infestation. He heard about a creepy crawly feeding on the dead, and harmless though the creature was, he was there to kill it. But remember the ghoul we later met in season 13. Ghouls aren’t always just weirdos hiding in the shadows with gore crusted onto their faces. They are perfectly logical beings, capable of being functional members of society, and I think that when John showed up, the ghouls’ father was able to get by in society, maybe changing faces every now and then, but definitely capable of going undetected. I think the reason the ghoul attracted attention at all was because he had two (or three—I still like to think there might have been three) children to support. The father himself might have been able to get by sparingly by munching on the same bit of corpse for months to keep his appearance consistent, but you can’t expect that kind of restraint from children. And maybe, building off that, the ghoul kept his children hidden, because who knows how their shapeshifting abilities translate when they’re young?

But I digress. I think the ghoul found out that John was there—perhaps even met John Winchester and just barely managed to keep his cool—and decided to switch tactics, and switch faces. I think the ghoul moved from feeding out of a cemetery to a hospital morgue. The morgue, of course, is more dangerous. There are a lot more people milling around all day and night, not to mention the security cameras, but the ghoul gets a job as a janitor, using their new face and name, and reasons to himself that it was just temporary until John Winchester left.

However, things became complicated. The ghoul had planned to pull this off by switching back and forth between two different faces, by eating from two different corpses, but at some point John connected the ghoul’s older persona to the case, went to the house, and found the stash. The ghoul’s children had only just managed to escape, and the ghoul was put on edge. He started to get sloppy in his panic. With few options, he makes the decision that he and his children will have to flee—but the fact still remains that there are four of them, and this hunter is stubborn. The further they can go before stopping to feed, the better their chances of getting away unfollowed. So, the ghoul, in his hospital persona, goes back to the hospital for one last food run. He tells his kids to stay put in the car, and stay below the windows. They may look like any ordinary kids, but he doesn’t want to take any chances. 

When he goes inside though, the ghoul is finally caught in the act, stuffing body parts into a black trash bag—no one would have thought twice about him hauling things off to the dumpsters. He would have been homefree, if Kate hadn’t walked in.

Meanwhile in the parking garage, the worst happens: John Winchester arrives in the impala. The ghoul children see him in the rearview mirror, and they recognize the man who had broken into their home, and crouch down deeper into the backseat of their own car, even as they start frantically whispering. Their dad told them to stay put, but he was in danger and they needed to warn him!

Inside the hospital, the ghoul had Kate tied to a chair, and he’s stuck holding a scalpel in hand, fighting a battle on the inside, because he is not a violent man. He’s just a single dad trying to take care his kids, and he’s always been so, so careful, but now he’s been caught. Instinct says to kill Kate. If she’s dead, she wont be able to give out any details that might somehow help the hunter find him. But on the other hand, he had been working at the hospital for weeks now, and he liked Kate. She was friendly, nice. They talked a lot—but that’s why she might know something that could help John find him, some detail the ghoul wouldn’t even remember sharing, but that a lunatic like John Winchester could hyper fixate on. You never knew what might give you away with hunters. . .

John barges in and finds them while the ghoul’s still agonizing over the decision—Kate seemingly roughed up with the ghoul standing there, poised to cut her throat, and it’s all over for the ghoul. He fights John as best as he can, slashing with the scalpel and biting with a savagery that he had always thought himself above in the past, but his kids were waiting for him. . .

And unbeknownst to John Winchester and the ghoul, there his kids were, watching from the air vent overhead, out of sight, the way their dad had always urged them to move when they were in danger. They saw the murder, they saw Kate, and they saw the officer, Joe Barton, show up to sweep the whole mess under the rug, never knowing that two (or three) witnesses were huddled there, waiting for everyone to leave so they could crawl away, because if they moved any sooner they would have likely given themselves away, the way that they were shaking.

And that’s why I think Kate knew. I think that Kate was there at the final showdown, or at least present enough during the case that the ghoul children would have seen her, and would have known to look for her as well as Joe Barton when they decided to take revenge. I think that they saw Adam, and the pictures of John their house, and they did the math.

I think that Kate made a mistake in keeping Adam ignorant--regardless of whether it was her idea or John’s (though I’m gonna be real with you guys, I always thought it was Kate’s; I think John would have thrown Adam in the back of the impala and driven him off in to a life and guns, alcoholism, and bloodshed in a heartbeat if it weren’t for Kate)--because she made the same mistake that Mary would have with her children, in thinking that if you aren’t part of this life, it can’t hurt you. She was wrong. 

[avonne-writes]

Lokius headcanons ♡

Who says “I love you” first?

Loki, actually! But only because Mobius knows this whole reciprocation thing is new for him and he decides to wait him out until he gets there on his own. He doesn't want Loki to feel like he has to say it back or to use Mobius' confession to manipulate him.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background?

100% Mobius. Loki's background picture is himself.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror?

Loki. They're cheeky notes more often than not, but sometimes it's just a tiny heart and Mobius needs a moment to compose himself when he sees it.

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower?

I'll just leave this here:

Who buys the other cheesy gifts?

Who has a knack for flare? Who's obsessed with certain valuable objects? Who's inclined to think they have to constantly woo the other to keep up their interest?

Loki showers Mobius in gifts and it's a struggle to show him he doesn't need to.

Who initiated the first kiss?

Mobius. They were bickering and he had enough of Loki's smartass comments. He cupped the back of Loki's head and planted a firm, lingering kiss on his lips, then went on with his tasks for the day, pretending to be casual about it. Loki was speechless for a whopping five minutes after.

Who kisses the other awake in the morning?

Mobius, again. Loki's a night owl and he likes to laze around in bed in the morning, so he doesn't tend to appreciate those morning kisses, unfortunately. He always complains of morning breath or a stubble burn, but he accepts the kisses pliantly.

Who starts tickle fights?

Loki, when he's in a particularly silly mood. He sneaks up on Mobius, then pounces on him like a kitten. Mobius is not used to being touched all the time, so he's insanely ticklish on his neck and sides.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch?

Um, define lunch? Loki has a slightly skewed idea of what constitutes edible food... But yeah, he's the one who shows up unannounced, if only to gossip or poke around in Mobius' stuff.

Who was nervous and shy on the first date?

Both of them, but neither showed it. That's why it was a little stiff and awkward until they started a playful argument and everything was right in the world again.

Who kills/takes out the spiders?

Loki's ready to use his magic and smite anything small with more than four legs on sight, no creepy-crawlies in his vicinity thank you very much, but Mobius does his best to save the poor creatures and takes them out.

Who proclaims their love publicly when they’re drunk?

Loki, but not in so many words. He's a loud, bubbly drunk but he never loses his control completely. To say the L-word in public would be the equivalent of drawing a target on his heart. Mobius is a quiet drunk and he gets very affectionate, so they're obvious enough without a declaration anyway.

[levis-hazelnut]

Levi x Reader Kill It

"Hanji, I swear, you mention something about your titans again and I'll take all your experiment equipment and burn it," you threatened as you closed the door on her face.

Sighing heavily, you lazily plopped down in your chair behind your desk, hating on the pile of paperwork which rested on your desk in front of you.

Hanji already put me in a bad mood and now I have to do this f*cking paperwork.

After internally complaining, you decided to start on the paperwork so you can get it over and done with, and be put in a better mood.

When a creature appeared on your desk, you let out a scream and jumped away from your desk as your door opened.

"Oh, I'm so glad! You're just in time, Levi!"

"What?" He looked at you, confused.

You screamed once again and ran to Levi who stood there, looking as if he was unaffected.

"There's a spider!! Kill it!"

"I'm not killing it. You can kill it."

"Me?! Are you f*cking dumb?!"

"You kill titans... and you're afraid of spiders?"

"I hate creepy crawlies! Levi, kill it, please!” you screeched. He sighed before rolling up scrap paper from your desk and whacking the spider. He lifted the paper to show you that he killed it but you turned your head away in disgust. "Hit it again! It can pretend to be dead."

"It's squished. I don't think it can be killed any further."

"Okay! Just chuck it out the window or something!"

A slight smirk formed on his lips as he came closer to you, the paper with the spider on it still in his hand, he made you look his way as you yelled and jumped back once you took a glance at it.

"I hate you so much, Levi!"

"Really? It didn't seem like that just this morning."

"Oh, shut up."

"You can open your eyes now. I threw it out the window."

"Thank you so much! I love you!" You rushed to Levi and hugged him as he shook his head, playfully rolling his eyes.

"Do you hate me, or love me?"

"I love you."

"Good. Now go train the cadets that you forgot about."

"Wait, what?"

"You have to train your squad now."

"Do you think I'm bothered to do that?" you mumbled. "I'll go down in a minute. Can you watch them for me?"

"You better not leave them to me."

"I won't."

Since you were sweating from screaming and jumping around, you washed your face before going down to the training grounds to train your squad. When you got there, you saw Levi with his usual expression as he watched the cadets before you approached him, catching his attention.

"You took your precious time."

"Shut up." You rolled your eyes but didn't mean to make it seem like you were actually pissed, and the raven knew that. You allowed him to go, thanking him as he walked towards the building. "Wait, Levi!" you called as he stopped in his steps.

"Yes?"

"Come here."

He padded back towards you with his arms crossed and stood there waiting for you to say or do something. But you only kissed his cheek, smiling all the while.

"Now, you can go."

"You make me waste so much time."

"Well, would you rather spend time with me or spend time doing work?"

"That's a difficult question to answer," he joked as you playfully slapped his chest.

"You can go do your work. You don't deserve to spend time with me."

"Okay. Bye."

~/~

It was dinner at HQ, so you made your way to the mess hall, feeling satisfied that you finished your paperwork and you can just relax until tomorrow. The damn cadets are lucky to not have the duties of a superior, though, they do have chores and all that sh*t.

You were about to enter the mess hall, but a yelp erupted from your throat as you ran into the mess hall, where everyone was staring at you and it was dead silent. Ignoring everyone else, you scanned for Levi before sprinting when you found him. His eyes never left the food in front of him as you stood near him. He was about to take a bite, but you slapped the spoon from his hand which is when his eyes met yours, showing clear fear.

"A spider?" he questioned before you could say anything. You nodded vigorously as he huffed and stood, taking your hand in his and leading you out the mess hall. "Where is it?"

"Over there." You pointed to it.

He crouched down next to it. "It isn't going to do anything to you, okay? I can't go round killing spiders for you. If you want them dead, kill them yourself."

"But, Levi, you aren't scared of them."

"They're like the size of a pea!"

You sniggered before replying, "Or the size of you."

"Shut up, and get in the mess hall," he ordered.

Noise entered the room again, making it less awkward for you since you had attracted a lot of attention from the scene you had made. Worry left you as Levi stayed by your side. You cautiously walked to your table and sat down opposite Levi as he gazed at you, waiting to notice the glint that meant you were okay. Once you were calm, he carried on eating his food, a slight smile creeping onto his lips at your childish behaviour.

"What are you smiling at?"

"I'm not smiling." He pursed his lips, trying to hide it.

"Shorty, we saw you smile!"

"Shut it, Sh*tty Glasses, no one was talking to you."

"Why are so moody?" you asked.

"I'm not," he retorted. You arched an eyebrow and Levi did the same. "What?"

"Did you just say you aren't moody?"

"Yeah."

You slightly shook your head with a sigh, and went back to eating your food, staying quiet for the rest of dinner before going to your office, wanting to just nestle in your bed. But before you did that, you showered and changed into comfortable pyjamas.

After a while, you heard the sound of your door opening and then closing, boots approaching the door of your bedroom before it opened. Lifting your head up, you saw Levi stripping down to shorts before he climbed into bed next to you. You cuddled up close to him as he placed a light kiss on your forehead, looping his arms around you.

For some reason, you felt an unease, so you looked up at the ceiling and saw a spider dangling down from a web. It was getting closer and closer, so you leapt out of your bed, causing Levi to snap open his eyes. And the first thing he saw was a spider, knowing why you were currently on the floor.

"If you want to get rid of it, you have to kill it."

"Levi, I'm not getting in that bed with you unless it's dead."

"That's fine with me."

He lidded hues again, not caring about the spider that was crawling on the bed. You stayed on the floor before deciding to go to the sofa in your office and fell asleep there.

Levi hadn’t fallen asleep yet, so he sat up and picked up the spider, which rested on the pillow next to him and disposed of it. Before going back to bed, he scooped you up from the sofa and laid you down in your bed, brushing a few strands of hair off your face. He stared at you before lying down next to you, feeling content.

~/~

You were out on an expedition, swiftly killing any titans that came into sight as Levi watched you, thinking how you were so fearless when it came to titans, but so frightened when it came to spiders.

You sliced the nape of a titan before going back to your horse, letting out a shriek when you spotted a spider on it. You were not getting on your horse even if a titan started to chase you. And that's what happened, a titan came your way. And so, you started to run on foot before you heard the sound of galloping footsteps beside you. You glanced to the side and saw a frowning Levi as he slowed down and held his hand out to help you onto his horse.

"Are you f*cking stupid?! What the hell are you doing?!"

"Umm... Well, there was a spider on my horse," you muttered, expecting to hear a shout in return. But all you got was a sigh.

"I don't understand you. A titan would easily grab and eat you. But a spider doesn't do anything, so I don't understand why you get so scared."

"They're disgusting."

"So are titans."

"They can roam your whole body without you knowing."

"But they don't harm you."

"I just hate spiders. That's all."

"Okay."

"Also, thanks for saving my life."

"Whatever, idiot."

"Oh, wait. We need to get my horse."

"It's behind us."

You looked behind you and Levi was right. "How did you kn-- Ahhhh!!!"

"What happened?" Levi inquired, concern present in his voice.

"T-there’s a spider on your horse!!"

"Just flick it away or something."

"I'm not touching it!"

"Do it or it's going to climb onto you,” the Corporal told you. You hesitated to smack it away, but when you did, you felt proud of yourself. "Did you do it?"

"Yeah," you said as you snaked your arms around his torso.

"Why are you getting comfortable? Go back on your horse."

"Why?"

"(Y/N), this is an expedition, not a ride for fun."

"Okay, fine. Love you. Bye." You jumped onto your horse, catching up with Levi and riding beside him.

"Go kill that titan on the right."

You nodded and rode towards it, using your ODM Gear to kill it. As it thudded onto the ground, you went back onto your horse, looking around for Levi. Where did he just go?

"Why do you look so worried?"

"Oh, there you are, Levi," you sighed. "I thought you were dead or something."

"Me? Dead?" he scoffed. "You think I would die?"

You laughed at his cockiness before you were silenced by his index finger being put on your lips.

"Save your laughing for when we're back at HQ. Because your laugh does things to me and I can't do anything about it now."

"See you back at HQ," you smirked and rode faster, wanting the expedition to end as quickly as possible.

[mst3kproject]

The Monster of Piedras Blancas

At some point I realized that I'd done an awful lot of fishman movies on this blog, so I decided I needed a tag for them.  I chose #it's beginning to look a lot like fishmen, after a rather amusing musical version of The Shadow over Innsmouth that you can find on YouTube.  Most of them are less fun than said video, and this one very much so.  It qualifies itself for MST3King by featuring Forrest Lewis from The Thing that Couldn't Die, Don Sullivan from The Giant Gila Monster, and Jeanne Carmen from Untamed Youth.

Some lonely people feed the birds or stray cats in their neighbourhood. The lighthouse keeper of Piedras Blancas doesn't have any of those, so he feeds the fish monster that lives below the rocks.  As long as he does this, it only occasionally kills people when they wander into its territory, but trouble begins when the grocer fails to save enough meat scraps to satisfy it.  Soon the hungry beast is lopping heads off right and left and draining the bodies of blood!  The local constable thinks he may have a homicidal maniac on his hands, but marine biologist Fred identifies a shed scale at the scene as belonging to a Diplovertebron, a beast thought to be long-extinct.

Diplovertebron is an actual creature with its own Wikipedia article and everything. According to said article, it was a lizardy sort of a thing that lived in what is now the Czech Republic three hundred million years ago, and was around half a meter long.  It's a very obscure and not terribly threatening animal, and I have a hard time imagining why the writers chose it, of all extinct creepy-crawlies, to be their monster's ancestor.  It doesn't even have a very interesting name. 'Diplovertebron' is quite technical-sounding and has too many syllables to roll nicely off the tongue.  Why not pick something that at least sounds scary?

The Monster of Piedras Blancas is a bloated, sedate movie.  It knows that movies need breaks between the actiony bits... but its actiony bits have no real action, and the talky scenes it inserts to space them out are deathly dull and contribute almost nothing.  There's a bit where two characters discuss a victim's time of death in great detail, taking into account things like a spilled bottle of ink, that would have reduced Joel to tears.  It almost becomes a joke when Fred and the Doctor discuss the minutiae of Diplovertebron scales, while the constable sits there growling impatiently at them.  When even your characters think the movie is too slow, you have a problem.

Everything that might possibly be exciting takes place off-screen.  This is fine and even expected during the 'building suspense' parts – of course we don't see the deaths of the fishermen or the grocer. The bit where we first see the entire monster, when characters open a walk-in fridge and it lumbers out holding a severed head, is honestly pretty well-done.  After that, however, we should finally get to see some monster-eating-people scenes... but since this is yet another stupid rubber fishman suit a la the She-Creature, all it's actually capable of is slapping a few guys and then fleeing.  It supposedly kills a couple of gun-toting rednecks, but the fight happens elsewhere while the audience watches Fred and the doctor fart around in a cave.  We don't see the monster again until it inevitably kidnaps the lighthouse-keeper's cute daughter at the climax.

The severed head is pretty plasticky and looks nothing like the guy it supposedly came from, but an effort was made and I respect that. There are veins sticking out the bottom of it and a really creepy bit where we find it in the monster's lair with crabs crawling over it.

As the movie draws closer to its climax, the men in the town sit down and have a good think about how they're going to defeat it. They know they can't overpower it, and it seems to be reasonably intelligent, so they've decided they're going to have to outwit it. Their big plan for doing so is... throw a net over it.

I expected this to fail spectacularly, but what actually happened was even dumber.  I will not spoil the last thirty seconds of this movie for you, because it's funny as hell, but let's just say that fishmen are like pumas – if you ever meet one in real life, you can just push it the hell over.

As you might have guessed, Lucy is only in this movie so that she can be saved from the monster and can kiss Fred as the words the end appear on the screen.  The only interesting thing about her is a brief moment of stunning misogyny.  She comes running to the doctor to tell him her father has had an accident and needs help – and before going to do so, the doctor makes Lucy take a sedative. Her behaviour was not in any way hysterical or unreasonable.  A little reassurance would have done the job just fine!

This scene suggests that the townspeople don't think very highly of Lucy, and there are other bits that tell us she's probably supposed to be at least ten years younger than twenty-nine-year-old actress Jeanne Carmen.  On the other hand, they seem to think she's capable enough to look after her injured father alone and with only a locked door to protect her from the marauding monster.  Then again, if they didn't, it couldn't carry her off to be menaced.  Yet again, a movie's leading lady is a plot device rather than a character.  This seems particularly true of fishman movies.  Think of the Creature from the Black Lagoon series.

As I mentioned upfront, I have seen a lot of fishman movies.  This is the fifteenth since this blog's inception!  I thought there were a lot of bigfoot movies around, but if you check the tags you'll see that fishmen outnumber him two to one!  This brings up an interesting question – namely, why?

Why fishmen? Sea Monsters have a long and fascinating history that includes not just the classic serpent and kraken but such things as savage merpeople, scaly pig-fish covered with eyes, and according to one sixteenth-century map, very large Yorkshire terriers.  Then along came the 1930s and the popularization of the Loch Ness Monster as plesiosaur, opening up the range to prehistoric sea beasties.  Why not one of those?

I'm guessing the answer is 'because they're expensive'.  Those would require puppets and stop motion and other special effects.  A guy in a costume is much cheaper to build and operate.

Okay, but even if you have to restrict yourself to human-shaped monsters, there are plenty of those, too!  There's the aforementioned merpeople, but also vampires, werewolves, zombies, mummies, and their ilk!  Dracula and Frankenstein are both in the public domain!  And make no mistake, people have made lots of movies about those... but they have also made a whole lot of movies about fishmen!  Why fishmen?

The answer, most likely, is that Creature from the Black Lagoon came out in 1954 and it was huge, being one of those movies that requires an entire separate Wikipedia article for its cultural impact!  The tidal wave of other fishman movies that followed it are like the glut of monster-on-a-spaceship movies that followed Alien, or the fad for teenage slasher movies in the 1980s, or those cheaply animated direct-to-DVD movies that cluster around every Disney and Dreamworks release.  A fishman movie had made money, and now everybody was lining up to milk the scaly, mucus-coated cash cow!

That was a terrible mix of metaphors right there.  Yuck.

There's also something uniquely horrifying about one of the genre's major tropes – the fishman's interest in human women.  This, too, began with Creature from the Black Lagoon but as we've seen it carried over into other films – Bog and Creatures from the Abyss are notable examples (and then there's The Shape of Water). In The Monster from Piedras Blancas this idea is present in that the monster kidnaps Lucy instead of just killing her like it did every other human it met, but it's not emphasized the way the monster's interest in Kay was in Black Lagoon. Fish are proverbially cold and slimy, and the idea of sexual contact with one is almost reminiscent of necrophilia unless you have some very specific interests (see previous parentheses).  The fishman's lack of genitals make it that much more disturbing.

So now that we've sorted that out, my final question about fishman movies is this: could a fishman beat bigfoot in a fight? They're both big, broad-chested creatures that movies like to outfit with claws, teeth, superhuman strength, and bad tempers.  I think it would depend on where the battle happened.  If they're in the water, then the fishman has a clear advantage – bigfoot can drown.  If they're on land, things are a little more even.  The fishman's slime would make him difficult to hang onto, but if his gills dry out he'll have a hard time breathing.  Bigfoot's fur gives the fishman something to yank, but his large feet make him hard to knock down.  It might depend on whether or not the fishman is venomous.

Why hasn't anybody made that movie?  Picture it – dozens of fishmen swimming upstream to spawn, and bigfoot dragging them out of the water to eat like bears with salmon!  I'd absolutely pay for exorbitantly expensive theatre popcorn if it meant I got to see that on screen!

[springtimebat]

The Autumn Meeting (Part 4/4)

{The Unicorn and The Moon}

This is the story of my parents; of how they lived and died, and how my mother met my father as she danced along with the moon. 

It all began a long, long time ago. When the world was just dust. When the woods were rivers. My mother was a child and she was told of unicorns who returned to virtuous girls when the full moon arrived each month. She heard of it from her mother, as they watched the stars in the sky. 

“If you wait for long enough at a time like this,” My grandmother explained, and her voice didn’t just come from her throat, but from the earth, the air and the trees, “The creature will find its way to your lap. It’ll raise its head to the stars, just as you young maidens raise your heads to the moon and the sun. Then it’ll settle down and let you pet it. Just like that. No cages required.”

“I will catch the unicorn,” My mother decided, “I will tame them with a silver tongue.”

A week later, my mother set herself in the moss and the grass, her hands hidden in her dress pockets, fingers fastened tightly around a pair of scissors.

Predictably, the unicorn arrived and began its maddening dance. My mother shot up and dropped her scissors in the dirt. This creature, this sublime creature, was the most precious thing she had ever seen. Regrettably, she fell in love.

My mother slipped beside it and twirled its mane in her fingers. It was all smoke and reflected the soft creases of the moon. The creature's eyes were milky and opaque, yet my mother looked at them with admiration. She wished to be hidden too. God she wished that she could hide. She wished she could practice the creature’s dance and shield herself with the magic of the moon’s tide. 

They danced along the moss and frogs for hours, my mother and the unicorn. They appeared to fly up into the sky on imaginary stairs. The unicorn let its muzzle fall to my mothers neck. It closed its eyes. My mother closed her eyes. They let each other sink. By dawn, the myth was gone and the young maiden was left alone on tired feet that hummed. Nine months later, I arrived, my eyes silver like the stars that fall. And that’s all she had left. She told me that she had cut the unicorn’s hair that night, but she never showed me the locks, tied with a ribbon in a pocketbook. I think she only wishes she had taken her scissors to the unicorn that night. 

And so my mother and father met. And so my mother and father parted. 

“The end,” The Queen opens her eyes to the circle and gives a small smile. Emillian picks his jaw off the forest floor. Guy turns his head to his old friend, apparently confused.

“Do you have any notes?” 

“You’re not human,” Emillian states, his voice low and scratchy. The Queen shivers and lowers her gaze to the ground.

“I suppose not.” She hesitates for a moment, but continues, “I am but a leaf in the wind, being pulled to and fro by various mysterious figures.”

“Are these forces familiar or unfamiliar?”

“They are both. Simultaneously.”

“How does that work then?”

“It doesn't. I’m a mess.”

“I wonder about you.”

“Why do you wonder?”

“I try to imagine where you would be if you hadn’t grasped power in that once in a lifetime moment.”

“I don’t know and I don’t particularly care. That’s not who I am anymore.”

“How convenient.”

“I could have you beheaded, you know.”

“I know. But you won’t. You’re a coward.”

“I find you interesting. The world’s better with you here. When I consider killing things, those are my terms.”

“What did I miss?” Asks a voice from the shadows. Abram stands by the camp entrance in the oaks, his scales greased. 

“Unicorns Abram,” Emil chuckles, “You missed unicorns.”

“Aw I missed the whole story?” He turns to the queen and gives her a bow, “I’m sure it was wonderful, your majesty.”

“Come and sit with us again Abram,” Emil requests, patting a rock beside him, “Come and long with us.”

“I would love to but…there’s something coming.”

“Something’s coming?”

“Yep. It’s this...castle, or town...it’s something okay? It’s a building crawling through the trees. It’s heading this way.”

“It’s the corridors.”

The three storytellers turn to the Queen, who pats down her skirts and rises from her throne.

“It’s coming for you?” Abram asks.

“Yes. My husband’s realised I’m missing.”

“Huh the man himself,” Emil mutters, drawing lines in the grit below him.

“Indeed.”

“He’ll be here soon.”

“Don’t worry. Everything will be okay.”

“Not to be rude, your highness, but none of us were worried. How can you be worried about a man you’ve never seen?”

“Very easily,” The Queen winced, “Though, I suppose it's hard for Emillian. He doesn’t have a soul.”

“Of course I own a soul! I am a soul! How do I talk? How do I move? All with the assistance of a soul.”

“Are those rhetorical questions?”

“They’re whatever you want them to be.”

“I see a spark in that empty eye socket of yours. It’s an occasional flash. That’s all that remains of you.”

“Of me?”

“Of your soul”

“That idiot just wanders off and does what he wants.”

“Don’t listen to him. He doesn’t have a soul. Not really. He just likes to complain.”

“You don’t say?”

“Hmph, you’re one to talk about souls,” Emil growls, “I suppose your heir will dance in the light of the moon.”

The Queen frowns, “Our baby will be fine.” 

“Just fine?”

“Do people wish for more?” 

“From a future king? A future immortal? Yes.”

“You really shouldn’t get involved with other people’s children. It gives you wrinkles-”

“Uh guys its-”

“-I am composed of creases and grooves, plain and simple. Babes make no difference to my complexion.”

“I’ll be happy if the baby’s fine. If they’re simply ordinary.”

“Will the king be pleased?”

“Ecstatic. His son will have something he can never have.”

“A soul?”

“Yes. A soul in the shades.”

“How loathsome.”

“How tragic.”

“Such a waste," Abram sighs, "But fellas, that creepy crawly thing is here.”

The town made on the backs of the devoured came to a stand still, its eyes straining in the shade. After a few moments, it finds its monarch in the dark and gives a tired groan. The Queen sighs and gives a little wave. 

Slowly, a door unhinges itself from the city’s brow, curling like the strip of tongue. The king appears in a blur of yellow, grinning down at the storyteller’s guild sitting in the Autumn leaves. He focuses on his bride, who is trying to suppress a similar smirk. Raising a bony hand, The King beckons her to follow him into the city’s gut. His Queen nods and smiles at the rest of the group. 

“I really enjoyed talking with you all. Thank you for tolerating me at your meeting.”

Abram grins, Gus waves an arm and a leg and Emil gives a curt nod as their guest returns to their nest. All three men watch as the city of tomorrow engulfs its figureheads and disappears back into the never ending woods.

“Well that was something huh?” Abram gasps.

“Abe?”

“Yep Emillian?”

“Remind me to never invite royalty to our meetings.”

“The air was different there.”

The King and Queen sit inside their screen porch, peering out at the world on its side. The Queen whistles a lullaby long forgotten by time, smiling at her husband’s confusion.

“It would be love. You’re a long way from home now. A long way from the bones and the cold.”

“Not far enough it appears. How far have we travelled?”

“Hmm, if I had to estimate we are about two hundred miles from the mountains.”

“Huh. Is that far?” 

“Very, very far for you and I. To some, two hundred miles is a single step.”

“Is “Some” Your friends down there.”

“No. They’re like us.”

“Like the corridors?”

“No. Not like the corridors at all. They have...something in there with all the flesh and the bones and the metal-”

“Souls?” The King’s eyes flash in the dying sun. 

“Maybe. I’m not too sure.”

“Did you have a good time?”

“Yes it was very...beneficial,”

“Did you tell them about your ma?”

“Yes and my father,”

The King gives a wistful sigh and rests his thin face in his palms. The Queen relaxes in her throne, her feet tired from the day’s work. Her husband gives her a small smile.

“I wonder what colour my soul would be.”

“Silver. A flickering silver that disappears every so often.”

“I hate being read.”

“I’m not reading you. I’m simply analysing.”

“Ah! Simple analysis, you old, old fool! What started this conversation again? I’ve forgotten love.”

“We were discussing souls, as we always seem to do.”

“Hmm, silver. Grey even? Grey like feathers.”

“Like your aura.” The Queen giggles.

“Auras? You think we have auras? Auras are distractions,”

“Oh? What do we have then?”

“Phantoms are what we have. The world moved on from enjoyment and left it as just a string of words and moments. Much like what the world did to me. It abandoned me.”

“You are not abandoned. You still have an old, old fool, right by your side.” His wife reaches for his arm and places her hand in his, finger intertwined. 

“That’s true. The world left me with phantoms, to contemplate in the dark. It left me in the lonely corners to wait for you. And now that’s all I desire. My old, old fool with a soul made of gold.”

“You know, you really should have gone to the meeting in my place. My friends would have loved you.”

“Maybe so. But it was your quest to complete. And I’m very proud of you. Now you can let the past go and look towards the future.” He lowers his gaze to his wife’s  stomach and gives her fingers a squeeze. 

“It was helpful. I had fun.”

“I’m glad. The corridors were getting anxious,”

“They’re always anxious,”

“They thought you’d leave me,”

The Queen sighs, “You shouldn’t listen to them all the time. They don’t live and they never have. You wish for a soul and they loathe consciousness,”

“We were lonely. I was lonely.”

“I know. I could hear you. But I came back, didn't I?”

“Yes. Yes you did. But sometimes-”

“Sometimes what?”

“Sometimes... I dream of that unicorn,”

“My unicorn?”

“Yes. I dream of you and me. You’re a unicorn, all smoke and mirrors, and I try to cut your mane. I startle you and you run away from me,”

“That will never happen love. I would never do that to you. Or him,” The Queen pats her stomach fondly.

“The corridors don’t help,” The King sighs. 

“Don’t listen to them. Just sit here with me.”

“Things will get better,” The King whispers, and he tries to relax on his chair, tries to appreciate his family’s return.

The screaming walls make it difficult.

[staketheheart]

Pranks

Tori came home from school tired and not looking forward to all the end of school exams plus the final projects. She dragged herself into the house, Trina darting in ahead of her and racing up the stairs. She was on her phone, yelling at someone. That wasn't knew. She rolled her eyes and set her bag down, plopping on the couch. She slumped into the couch until she was almost falling off the bottom. She closed her eyes and took a breath then opened them tiredly.

Instantly, she zeroed in on an overturned cup sitting in the middle of the coffee table. She recognized it as one of the paper cups from the new water cooler they had gotten. When the gang came over, they each had one, eager to try out the new appliance. Tori slowly sat back up and stood to retrieve it, planning to take it to the trash. She halted in her tracks when she got closer and saw something scribbled on it in sharpie.

Do not open unless you plan to kill it

Tori stared at the unique scrawl, knowing who had written it. She crossed her arms, frowning. Either Jade did something nice and caught some kind of bug but left it for Tori to deal with, or she was just pranking her and nothing was there. Tori leaned heavily toward the latter. She reached out to pick it up, but right as her fingers hovered over it, she stopped. Or, what if there really was something under there.

After all, this was Jade. She would probably catch something gruesome that was guaranteed to freak Tori out. That would definitely win out over a simple prank. Tori quickly pulled off her shoe and held it at the ready before reaching out for the cup again. She was just about to touch it when her phone went off, vibrating in her pocket. She jumped, letting out a yelp. She glared as she fished the device out of her pocket. She grumbled under her breath when she saw who had texted her.

Out of curiosity, have you seen what I left you?

I'm looking at it now.

Really? What a coincidence.

Is it really?

A smirking emoji with devil horns was the only reply. Tori fumed.

What the chiz, Jade?!

What?

Is there something in there or not?

I'll answer that when you lift the cup.

Tori stared at her phone then looked at the cup. She shook her head.

No. You're going to tell me before I lift that cup and die from a heart attack.

Fine, I'll tell you.

Tori let out a relieved sigh.

Although, I could be lying.

Jade!

Don't be a wuss, Vega. I promise that it won't be anything ugly, gross, or dangerous.

Any kind of bug is gross.

But not ugly?

Well, butterflies are pretty but they're a bug, so they still gross me out.

Then I promise it isn't dangerous.

Tori huffed in frustration, thumbs tapping a bit harder as she responded.

So there is something in there.

Sure, let's go with that.

Why the heck did you even do this?

To test you.

For what?

To see if you could make this entertaining. I'm happy to report that you succeeded.

Tori refrained from texting some choice words but merely squeezed her phone until her agitation abated. For now.

Did you open it yet?

No.

Well?

Tori dropped her phone on the couch and turned to face the ominous cup again. She readied her shoe, stepped forward, and snatched the cup. It took her a whole second to realize that there was nothing there. But Jade had said there was. Which meant it must have gotten out! With a squeal, Tori dropped the cup and jumped on the couch. She grabbed her phone before it could slide off on the floor.

Jade, I think it got out! There was nothing there when I lifted the cup! What do I do?!

…

Tori stared desperately at the bouncing dots, shaking her phone as if it would speed up Jade's response.

I couldn't answer right away. I laughed so hard I almost wazzed myself.

An emoji that was laughing so hard it was crying accompanied the text, confusing Tori. At first, she thought Jade was just being plain mean for laughing at her distress, but then it hit her.

There wasn't anything under it in the first place, was there?!

Nope.

Tori let out a loud cry of exasperation, phone clenched tightly in her hand.

I'm so gonna get you, Jade West.

Ooh, so scary.

I will!

I'd like to see you try.

Oh, Tori was going to try all right. She started typing quickly, rescinding cuddles, hugs, running her hands through Jade's hair, singing to her, nose brushes, and forehead kisses until she apologized for scaring the fudge out of her. She hit send and waited, a hand on her hip.

"Tori, why are you standing on the couch?" Trina asked, stopping at the foot of the stairs when she saw her sister.

"Jade let a gross bug loose in the house," she answered evenly. Trina visibly shuddered, eyes darting around, before running back up the stairs. As mad as she was at Jade's latest prank, it seemed she had learned a bit from her too. Her phone brought her attention back to the situation at hand. She smirked at the reply.

How about I admit that you were right, and I was less right, and call it done?

No, you need to apologize.

Tori!

Jade!

Fine! I'm sorry.

Tori could practically hear her grumbling and smiled.

Next time I'll be sure to actually have something in there, though. Fair warning.

Tori wasn't impressed with the threat. She knew Jade was only saying that because she had to apologize.

Sure you will.

I will.

Okay, going to do homework now. Love you, bye.

Tori pocketed her phone and gathered her things to go up to her room. She dropped her shoes by her bed and set her bag by her desk. She changed into something more comfortable then sat down at her desk to get out her homework. Roughly twenty minutes in she heard the door open and close downstairs. She didn't bother moving, recognizing the familiar heavy slam and stomping steps. Jade appeared at her door seconds later.

"I don't have time-" Tori began to say, but stopped when she glanced at Jade. She held her hands in front of her, cupped in a dome as if holding something.

"Guess what I have?" Jade taunted, smiling innocently. Tori jumped from her seat and stepped back.

"You better not," Tori warned, fighting at keeping her voice stern.

"What? I might not have anything, right?"

"Jade…"

"Or, maybe I do," Jade continued, advancing. Tori screamed and scrambled over her bed to the other side when Jade opened her hands to reveal something big and hairy.

"It's just Henry. I wanted a dorky name because he reminds me of you. He's a messy eater and is pretty clumsy for a spider. I would have named him Harry but it was a little on the nose," Jade explained fondly, letting the terrifying creature scuttle over her hands. Tori had heard of Jade's new pet, Henry. The way Jade spoke of him she never would have guessed that he was a tarantula.

"Ew, Jade, don't even think about coming near me! Get that out of here! And wash your hands! You can't touch me until you wash your hands!" Tori demanded, careful to keep the bed between them. Jade chuckled.

"He won't bite," she said, as if that was enough to change Tori's mind.

"That's not why I don't like him," Tori said with a shake of her head. She was looking rather pale. Jade stroked the creature and it shot forward so suddenly Tori jumped, startled. Jade caught him before he could escape. The thought alone caused Tori to tremble in fear of it getting loose in her room.

"Come on, Vega. Hold him and I won't involve another bug, imaginary or otherwise, in a prank again," Jade compromised. Tori stared at her like she was crazy, finally taking her eyes off the eight-legged menace in her hands since it showed up.

"You promise?" Tori muttered after a long silence full of contemplation. She was weighing the pros and cons, deciding that brief torture now meant no more bugs forever in the future.

"Promise."

Tori took a moment to steady herself then slowly moved around the bed. She was halfway there when Henry moved. She froze in place.

"Can you cover him until I get over there?"

"Sure," Jade agreed, tucking him away between her hands. Tori started moving forward again and stopped in front of Jade a safe distance away.

"Okay, I'll hold your gross insect and then I never want to again."

"Arachnid," Jade corrected.

"What?"

"He's classified as an arachnid. You know, two body segments, eight legs, and no wings or antennae," Jade explained.

"I don't care what he is! He's a creepy crawly bug and I just want to get this over with!" Tori exclaimed, throwing up her hands then bringing them down to mimic the way Jade had held hers.

"Just, don't drop him," Jade told her, removing her top hand. Tori shuddered at the sight of eight legs spreading out now that they had room again. Jade stepped closer and bridged the gap between their hands. She then gently tipped up. Henry skittered forward onto Tori's hands. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open as if she would scream. Instead, she went rigid and stared at the hairy monstrosity idly resting in her hands. As long as he didn't move, she would be okay. She could do this.

"Can you believe he's one of the smaller species? Some can get as big as dinner plates," Jade commented, fascinated as ever. Tori grimaced.

"Please don't say those things right now. I don't think any bug should be this big. Especially spiders," she said, still as a statue. Even her voice was forced.

"He's harmless."

"Those fangs say otherwise."

Jade rolled her eyes and reached to take him back. Her sudden movement caused him to bolt, right up Tori's arm. She squealed but fought the urge to throw him off. She didn't have to though, because he charged right off the side of her arm. Reflexively, she caught him, caging him in her hands the way Jade had. Everything happened so quick. Jade had been in mid panic as soon as she saw that he had fallen, but relief flooded her when Tori caught him. Even Tori looked relieved, despite gritting her teeth against the movement of legs against her skin. A grateful smile pulled at Jade's lips, admiration in her eyes. She stepped close and leaned in to press a kiss to Tori's cheek.

"Thanks, Tori. I'll take him back now."

Tori nodded and opened her hand. Once again, she copied Jade. Henry moved over to his owner and settled in her palm as if he knew he was in familiar territory. Jade held him close.

"Gee, for hating him so much you didn't hesitate to save him," Jade lightly teased.

"Well, he may be gross, but you like him and he's a living creature. I couldn't let him fall to his death," Tori reasoned with a shrug. This time when Jade leaned in, she gave her a proper kiss. They pulled away with mirrored smiles.

"Walk me out to my car so I can put him away."

Tori nodded and together they headed downstairs. Luckily, they didn't encounter Trina. Even though Jade would have found it hilarious to scare her. She hated bugs more than Tori, but the youngest Vega's kind heart wouldn't allow them to be killed despite her fear of them. Trina held no such care. Which was why it was best to give Henry a break. Tori opened the car door and Jade set the large arachnid in his travel cage. He immediately ran under the piece of wood for shelter. Tori watched him, strangely not as bothered as before. Jade watched her watch him and smiled knowingly.

"Not so bad, right?"

Tori pulled her eyes away from Henry to look at Jade.

"I guess not," she admitted grudgingly. Jade's smile grew as she shut the door.

"Yeah, yeah," Tori dismissed, waving her away before she could rub it in her face. Jade laughed and caught her in an embrace, holding her close.

"I told you that you had to wash your hands first," Tori reminded her.

"You held him, too," Jade pointed out. Tori realized this and groaned.

"You win this round," she conceded, grumpy.

"I usually do," Jade remarked, breaking into another round of laughter at the look on Tori's face. She wrapped her arms around her waist and kissed her until she relaxed. She pulled back to see Tori smiling again, a light blush on her cheeks.

"I came here to prove a point but ended up making it harder for me to scare you," Jade said with an exaggerated sigh and a roll of her eyes. It was Tori's turn to laugh.

"I am not friends with bugs, but it will probably take more than seeing them to freak me out now," Tori agreed.

"Then I'll just have to come up with something else," Jade said with a sly smirk.

"I'd like to see you try," Tori challenged. No matter what Jade hid up her sleeve, competing with her never got old.

[flameraven]

Good Omens Fic Rec Masterpost - Part Two

 Hello hello I have read MANY MORE fics in this fandom now so it’s time to add on to my previous recs. Part One can be found here: https://flameraven.tumblr.com/post/187742832545/good-omens-fic-recs-masterpost General info! No fics rated higher than M, and that’s usually for violence not sex. I headcanon the husbands as being in an asexual relationship, so any fics I rec will have no sex, or only have sexy stuff alluded to or briefly mentioned.

The Soft Zone (TM)

all the days - G / darcylindbergh

War of Attrition- G / out_there / 8k - 3 gifts Crowley gives Aziraphale

A Meddling of Houseplants - T/ wingedspirit / 6k - Ophelia (a peace lily) is tired of Crowley and Aziraphale’s hopeless pining, and takes matters into her own leaves.

Sweetest in the Gale - T / wingedspirit / 3.8k - Gabriel can sense Aziraphale’s love for Crowley, and confronts “Aziraphale” about it before his execution

Deck the Halls - G / forthegreatergood / 18k - two idiots attempt to acquire mistletoe for the holidays in order to convey their feelings for the other.

Tartan Wrapping Paper - G / Arej / 2k - Crowley may not have quite gotten the message about the tartan all those years ago

a prize-winning philodendron - G / Elsajeni / <1k - Crowley does look, and sighs heavily. “Angel,” he says, “of all the plants you could have tried keeping, why did you start with something this fussy?”

Silver and Gold - G / asparkofgoodness / 1.5k - Crowley buys a ring.

Futile Devices - G / ticketybye / 3k - Yes, Crowley has imagined. He has craved. But being in Aziraphale’s close proximity has had to be enough. He’s not even sure he deserves that. But this, this feels like it felt to be commissioned the stars. It feels like being entrusted with something precious and fragile.

The Weight of Words Unspoken - G / rattatatosk / 1.8k - Aziraphale has always hinted to Crowley when he needed to leave. After the Apoca-wasn’t, he asks Crowley to stay.

J’Aime (I Love) - G / yourpaceangel - Crowley is searching for what the ‘J’ means.

the other way round - G / darcylindbergh / <1k - Aziraphale gets hair pets for once.

Take My Hand (Take My Whole Life Too) - G / soft_october / 1.5k - Crowley is trying not to go to fast, ends up stalled out completely. Aziraphale decides he will have to get creative. 

In Good Hands - G / Sunjinjo / 14k - Aziraphale was created wearing a golden ring. It’s now the last remaining aspect of his original attire.One day, he tries to take it off. The rest follows naturally. (Marriage Proposal)

One Golden Glance (Of What Should Be) - G / Sunjinjo / 8.5k - Crowley takes up painting after the Apocalypse.

Misfit / Safe Haven - G / Mothfluff / 2k - Aziraphale provides a safe space for the Soho queer community to gather

seasons, changes - G / the_pen_is_mightier / 2k - In the autumn Aziraphale and Crowley go out apple picking.

on the necessity of a temptation - M / darcylindbergh / 4.5k - Crowley squinted at him. He said, slowly, as if sounding around the words [...] “But doing things is what we do. Why would—what would be the point of me being here otherwise?”

In Other Words, Baby, Kiss Me - T / mikkimouse / 4.5k - Five times Aziraphale kissed Crowley and one time Crowley (finally) kissed him back.

It's Getting Hard, This Holding Back - T / ZehWulf / 13k - Crowley decides to lure Aziraphale into Explicit Gestures of Romantic Affection. Aziraphale sets a cuddle trap

give you more to hold on to - T / cryptidkidprem / 4k - Crowley nods. "It's..." He looks down at their joined hands, and takes a long, deep breath. “We’re not— We’re not supposed to need this, y’know?” He lifts their joined hands up, lets them fall again. “You and I. Angels, demons. We're not meant to need all this. This touchy-feely stuff, all this affection, this—” a hitch in his breath— “Love.”

two parallel lines -lineffability

don’t let me wake up - acuteangleaziraphale

how to let go - jlmarch

Mornington Crescent -politeanarcy

Wingfic

Symmetry in Favor - G / kedreeva / 8k - Five times Crowley preens Aziraphale's wings, and one time Aziraphale preens Crowley's.

London Calling - G / forthegreatergood / 30k - Come for Crowley’s ridiculous 1970′s bed, stay for Feelings and extensive wing pets.

Hurt/Comfort

Be Ye Therefore Merciful - T / AmberDiceless / 9.5k - Book!Verse. Crowley does something utterly unexpected, and Aziraphale must face an opponent who cannot be thwarted.

Pigeon Girlfriends with a Long Preamble - T / SleepySelfLoathing / 8k - All Crowley wanted was to spend a nice night in with his husband, so of course he ends up summoned by a bunch of cultists instead. Why would he expect anything different....This would probably be a lot easier to deal with if he wasn't wearing Aziraphale's fluffiest bathrobe.

All Creatures that Have the Breath of Life - G / Elsajeni / 4k - Aziraphale fishes a very sodden Crawly out of the water during the Flood.

Touched by an Angel (And it Bloody Hurts) - G  /hedgehog-o-brien / 7k - Aziraphale can’t touch Crowley without burning him.

Douse the Fire, Help Me Breathe  - G / Arej / 1.5k - Even demons fear fire, when they've watched their world burn.

In a City Under Aerial Bombardment  - G / battle_cat / 3k - After the church and the bomb and the books.

Small Mercies - G / rattatatosk / 4k - Crawly gets smited. Aziraphale lends a hand.

Easier Than Air - G / A_Candle_For_Sherlock / 3.5k - The world hasn't ended, and everything is fine. They're fine. It's terrifying.

attachment - T / artenon / 4.5k - Crowley crosses over to open the passenger door for Aziraphale, and Aziraphale’s attention is drawn to Crowley’s uneven gait, the light, too-quick steps and the rocking back and forth on his heels as he holds the door open and waits for Aziraphale to get in.“Oh, Crowley,” Aziraphale says, heart sinking, “your feet.”

Hell Freezes Over - M / charliebrown1234 + Turcote / 18k - The year is 2002, and Crowley and Aziraphale are sent to Alaska to investigate a decommissioned entrance to Hell. What could possibly go wrong? 

Better The Demon You Know - T / mikkimouse / 1.2k - When Crawly falls out of the sky and into the flood, he gets help from a very unexpected source.

Gently, gently - G / the_pen_is_mightier / 3k - Heaven is cold and lonely. Hell is filthy and crowded. Aziraphale badly needs to be touched; Crowley needs fresh air, and light, and space. They can’t seem to connect on days after they’ve returned from their respective head offices.

Of Firsts and Foremosts  - T / kedreeva / 6k - Aziraphale is left vulnerable and injured as his first molt approaches. Crawly comes to the rescue for the first time.

The Brazen Serpent - T / ImprobableDreams900 / 11k - Some other angels come to help Aziraphale at the end of the Isrealites’ 40-year exile in the wilderness, unfortunately for Crawley.

hold my hand tight (we'll make it another night) - G / cryptidkidprem / 3k - The night at Crowley’s flat. He’s having a hard time not panicking.

Harbours of My Own - T / wingedspirit / 30k - Crowley knows that, as a demon, his freedom is limited. He doesn't get to have a home; he doesn't get to love. Aziraphale would very much like to change that, but he, too, is limited in what he can do. It takes the better part of six thousand years, but they'll get there.

crack me open, feel me shatter - T / rattatatosk / 2.5k - Crowley dreams of the Fall. Aziraphale is there to catch him when he wakes.

Angst (w/a Happy Ending)

Where His Angel Dares to Tread - M / PinkPenguinParade / 16k - Crowley is taken by Hell. Aziraphale disguises himself as best he can for the rescue mission. Newt and Anathema help.

Remembrance of Things Past - T / Fyre / 18k - Hell takes Crowley’s memories all the way back to Eden as punishment for his crimes.

Drunk Theology - G / battle_cat / 3k - Aziraphale had been hoping tonight for Giggly Drunk Crowley, which was his favorite drunk Crowley. That didn’t seem to be how things were working out, though.

Like a River Flows - T / kedreeva / 15k - Five times Crowley was not allowed to love Aziraphale, and one time he succeeded.

The Cultivation of New Growth - T / Vitreous_humor / 3k - “I mean,” he said carefully, “if you want a plant, let me give you one of the snake plants or maybe the big coleus. They'd be good for the shop, pretty stalwart in the dark...You don't want this one, it's rotten.” “Actually,” Aziraphale said firmly, “I do want that one.”

The Holy Essence of Experience - T / Dragonsquill / 4k - They know how they feel, but giving it a name would be too dangerous.   Ineffable husbands from the beginning to the end of the world, aware and wanting.

AUs/Crossovers

be mine tonight (be mine forever) - T / artenon / 11k - Human!AU. When Aziraphale finds out his coworkers have made a bet that he won’t bring anyone to the company party, he asks his best friend Crowley to go as his date just to spite them. Things quickly spiral out of control.

Siren’s Song - T / kedreeva / 30k+ (WIP) - Siren!AU. Crowley, a lone siren, calls a ship to wreck upon his reef, but finds when he meets pirate captain Aziraphale that sirens are not the only ones able to lure another creature to their heart's desire.

Adopt Don’t Shop - G / lucky_spike / 6k - Cat!AU based on Chekov’s “Good Meowmons” comics.

The Ones Who Walk Away From Nevaeh  - T / soft_october / 15k - AU based on “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas”

The Grinch Who Sold Christmas - T / darcylindbergh / 60k - Human AU / Hallmark Movie AU. Crowley is a big city lawyer sent to seal the deal that will destroy the quaint town of Tadfield forever, right before Christmas... and then he falls in love with the town, and a certain bookshop owner. Ridiculously sappy fluff that hits all the right notes.

The Odd One Out  T / RainyDayDecaf / 2k- A meeting of many different Crowleys and Aziraphales.

Beat Again - T / TeaCub90 / 7k - Human AU. Two neighbours keep each other and their respective conditions company in the dead of night

Outsider POV

Ophidiophobia - G / lyricwritesprose / 7.6k - Pepper is afraid of snakes. When this is abruptly revealed in an encounter with Crowley’s serpent form, she immediately goes about trying to cure herself of it.

What’s in a Name? - G / lyricwritesprose / 4k -  “You do realize,” Brother Francis said, “that Warlock is just your name, not some sort of, of directive?”

Damaged - G / lyricwritesprose / 6k - Aziraphale is struggling after the Apocalypse. Madam Tracy offers some advice. (Very good spooky/nonhuman Aziraphale in this one.)

Angel’s Favor - T/ PinkPenguinParade / 10k - A hundred years ago, Aziraphale gave one of his feathers to a woman who helped him. In the modern day, her descendant calls in the favor.

Protective Camouflage -  G/ politeanarcy/ 2.3k - The Antichrist isn’t the only one with defenses against being noticed.

Disposable - T / lyricwritesprose / 7k - Eric the Disposable Demon attempts to become Crowley’s vassal after the Apoca-wasn’t. Nothing goes the way they expect after that.

on deceiving appearances - G / asideofourown / 2k - The Disposable Demon realizes the truth of Crowley’s deception in Heaven.

Anthony J. Crowley, Retired Demon and Airbnb Superhost - G / TheOldAquarian / 3k - What are you supposed to do when you've been fired from your sweet job in Hell for thwarting the schemes of Satan, you've got a swanky flat in Mayfair, and you're looking for an excuse to spend all your time in someone else's bookshop? Obviously, you turn to the dubious world of short-term vacation rentals.

Other

the best laid schemes - T / asideofourown / 4k - How Crowley got his Rat Army

Incongruous States of Being - T / ZehWulf / 8k - “Who would win: Aziraphale or Crowley.” “Oh!” Aziraphale startles. “Well—such a question. It’s not as though either of us has engaged in so much as fisticuffs in ages, and one does need to keep up practice with these sorts of things.” His fretting dies abruptly when Crowley cuts over him clearly, baldly: “Aziraphale.”

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition - T / WoodsWitch / 12k - The Arrangement is 500 years old, and Crowley and Aziraphale have been having a fine time in Renaissance Florence. Things start to go a bit pear-shaped with the arrival of a Friar Savonarola, so Crowley suggests that they meet up in his favorite refuge from the rest of medieval Europe: Spain. ((Don’t let the title fool you, this is an incredibly in-depth and well-researched historical fic and deserves way more hits than it has.))

[freedom-shamrock]

Teacups and Firelights

This is my @atla-secret-santa gift for @wwjacksparrowd.  Happy holidays, I hope you enjoy!

Also on AO3

______________________________

Something was definitely wrong in Ba Sing Se, and just being in the city gave Ty Lee the creepie crawlies several times an hour. After a week of putting up with it, she was at risk of going all Azula once she found the cause. Aang's meditation sessions were probably the only thing keeping her out of an uncontrolled avatar state at this point.

Ty Lee didn't always look or sound the most attentive to details, something that had served her well in the past, but she didn't need anyone to point out when there was something rotten right beneath her nose. Much of what she took in from around her stayed in her head, swirling around with everything else until she was able to make the connections she needed. She wasn't always the fastest of the Ty septuplets at picking apart the tangles of political intrigues, but she was more often right than any of her sisters (she was right more often than her friends, too, but she'd been careful not to point that out). She was also consistently the fastest Ty in sparring, though that may have come from being the avatar, so it felt like a cheat.

She'd come to the Earth Kingdom capital with her unlikely companions for a number of reasons, all quite pressing. Their top priority had been to share intelligence with the Earth king and his generals as part of Sokka's rather brilliant plan to take down the firelord. They'd gotten a meeting scheduled with King Kuei, and flaming monkey tigers, the Fire Nation had nothing on the Earth Kingdom's bureaucracy!  If that weren't enough of a reason to come, they desperately needed time to recover from weeks of things going terribly, horribly wrong. That couldn't happen if they were being chased around the world by her Royal Fire Academy best friends (and the sister she'd left in her place with the circus to avoid raising suspicion when she went off to pursue her destiny). Not even General Iroh had been able to penetrate the ringed city's great wall, and while Azula was brilliant, she wasn't yet up to his standard. Her attempt involving a massive drill had failed, and the princess retreated, so they were safe from that quarter… for now. Their final reason for being in the vast city was to find Appa, her chronologically 112 year old airbending master's sky bison and one of the companions who had been with her since early in this convoluted adventure.

With two of their three goals addressed, or at least pending, they'd all split up to search for any signs of the ten-ton creature (who really shouldn't be this hard to find, even in Ba Sing Se). While out and about they were also gathering information on the general oddness of the city. Joo Dee's messed up orange aura and creepy smile sent a message that they'd all picked up on. Their extremely anxious neighbors, who quietly advised them to not ask questions and most of all to avoid the Dai Li, had flaming red auras. Living in the central ring of the city among the very wealthiest and most influential, they had no reason to show such fear. Well, unless King Kuei's court was as literally cut-throat as Firelord Ozai's but less open about it.

As she skipped down the clean and tidy streets of the inner ring, she noted that while the architecture was different from home, it was no less opulent than the capital she was most familiar with. She idly wondered if they used earthbending to suffocate out any undesirable plant growth, the way fire was used back home. Everything here was so orderly, or as Aang put it, inhibited to the point of joylessness. Even Toph, who was intimately familiar with Earth Kingdom upper class manners found it creepy.

She turned a corner and heard cheerful chatter unlike any she'd encountered during their stay. The Ba Sing Se social elite were quiet and dull, or perhaps they were deathly terrified to lose face and power from whatever was wrong here. Hearing people sounding like they did in every other part of the world was definitely something to investigate. Across the plaza and up a short flight of stairs was a tea shop. It's exterior had clearly been freshly painted, gleaming green and gold under the late morning sun. A cup of tea would make her day's work more pleasant. Pursuing her destiny had sounded a lot more fun before she'd spent weeks on end chasing one lead after another, without the time to really enjoy the places they stopped. They barely had time to bathe for most of the trip.

With a bit of a hop, she was able to vault over the railing, bypassing the stairs entirely. It was not entirely proper decorum, but she was dressed in a way that marked her as an outsider. She and Toph had spent hours comparing social rules and drilling them into Katara's head (the Water Tribe girl was quick to both mock the foolishness of the conventions and to demonstrate she could fit in with even the most elite social climbers). Ty Lee had a surprising number of things in common with her earthbending master, and her bluntness was no worse than Mai's, so they'd fallen into an easy alliance. Katara was something else all together. Despite their countless differences, she'd become a better friend than any Ty Lee had ever had. It was a given that she was a lot nicer than Azula, but she'd never met someone so focused on doing the right thing regardless of the risks, with no other motivation.

Ty Lee skipped up to the open doors and peeked in. This was unlike the other tea shops she'd visited in the city. The waiters were constantly in motion, delivering cups and pots of steaming tea to the many full tables of happy visitors. There was energy and enthusiasm here, not the fog of apathy. The dining room held the gentle fragrances of teas that were familiar and some that she was sure she'd never had. This would definitely clear her mind enough to start connecting all the weirdness of the city. While her friends were good at coming up with plans (spirits knew that they would have died in the desert if not for Katara, and Sokka's use of Wan Shi Tong's knowledge was flat-out brilliant), she felt that she really needed to be pulling her weight. She was the avatar, after all. It was bad enough that they had decided early on to let Aang masquerade as the avatar to take the pressure off her. If she wasn't at least coming up with some of the plans (beyond the completely random trips to spiritual centers), what good was she?

"Hello." A cheerful young man's voice called her out of her own head. "Welcome to the Jasmine Dragon. Our special for the day is Ba Sing Quon, a soothing tea for the refined palate."

She looked up into a very familiar face. "Zuko?" she squeaked. There was no way he could be anyone else. Even if he had a double here in the earth kingdom, there was no concealing the scar his father left on his face, and as one part of a seven-piece matched set, she was never fooled by look-alikes.

He sucked in a breath, his face going pale as he took a step back.

Her hand darted out and caught the long brown sleeve of his uniform before he could flee. "What are you doing here?" she whispered, keenly aware of the other staff and patrons around them. When she'd last seen him, Aang had knocked him out in the North Pole shortly before she and La had merged to obliterate the Fire Nation navy. Aang had run afoul of him a time or two since then, but she'd managed to stay out of his sight.

She could see in his eyes that he was weighing his options. Zuko had always been smarter than Azula wanted to believe. "What are you doing here?" he countered. "I thought you were hunting down the avatar with my sister." His remaining eyebrow arched.

"I'm on vacation," she said airily. "And what about you?  Aren't you supposed to be on your own hunt?"

"Only if I want to return to court," he said with a sneer. "Which I don't."

She stared at him in awe. That was not something she'd ever expected to hear out of Azula's serious older brother. Frankly, his temperament was better suited to leading the country than her hot-headed school friend.

"I'm making my own destiny, and I'm done chasing ghosts for him," Zuko said firmly.

She offered him a small smile. "I'm happy for you. You deserve your own happiness."

He looked surprised.

"He was always a monster to you, and it wasn't fair," she said. She'd seen favoritism spoil the relationship she and her sisters could have had, and that had been nothing compared to what happened in the firelord's children.

Zuko shrugged. "Like father, like daughter."

Being chased all over the Earth Kingdom by Azula had given her a whole new perspective on her once best friend. "You're not wrong."

His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

She leaned back in her chair. "I know. I'm supposed to say she's an acquired taste and that she's not that bad, but… if I've learned anything the last several weeks, it's that Azula's been turned into a dangerous weapon that your father will turn on whoever he feels like." It had been frankly terrifying to have that weapon turned on her.

Zuko stepped back. "I'll be back with your tea."

She watched as he walked stiffly to the back of the shop, disappearing behind a curtain. He looked so much better than he had in the north. He actually looked happy. Moments later he returned with a small tray holding a single red-glazed white teacup.

"Your tea, miss." He placed it gently on the table in front of her.

"Thank you, Zuko."

"Lee," he said.

"What?"

"My name is Lee. This my uncle Mushi's tea shop." He took a slow breath. "We close at dusk."

She flashed him a cheery smile. "Very good to know. Thank you."

⁂

Ty Lee sat on the raised edge of the fountain in front of the Jasmine Dragon tea house, watching the sky turn a spectacular peach color. It had taken some pretty heavy assurances before her friends had been willing to let her go off and meet her Fire Nation contact solo. To be fair, they were all a little on edge. Even without Ba Sing Se's creepy aura (who knew a city could have its own aura?) they'd been hunted, chased, and attacked a little too often (especially recently) to just do as they pleased.  She'd refused to share information on her contact, but agreed that they should come look for her if she wasn't back in an hour.

Paying close attention to the vibrations in the thin soles of her dance shoes, she looked up to see Zuko and General Iroh step out of the tea house, working together to close and lock the grand doors. She stood up and waited for them to approach. Zuko moved a little stiffly, but his uncle was as steady as always. He was difficult to read, but his white-streaked violet aura was reassuring. He'd shed the heavy mourning he'd still carried when she'd last seen him, well before she realized she was the avatar. They weren't here with Ozai's blessing or knowledge, then.

"Ty Lee," Iroh said quietly. "You are not someone I ever expected to encounter here in our new home."

She beamed at him. "Then it's a pleasant surprise for all of us," she declared.

Iroh stared at her for a silent moment. "I certainly hope that's the case. My nephew and I have settled in nicely, and I feel we've really found our place." He paused for another moment. "It would be a shame to have to uproot ourselves yet again."

She held out her hands to both of them. "As I told Lee," she smirked at Zuko, "it's nice to see you so happy. I obviously don't know what you've been through on your travels, but it seems to have smoothed out the difficulties life brought on you both."

"How are you even here?" Zuko asked, blunt but without the heat she might have expected. "Last I heard, you'd joined up with Azula to terrorize the avatar."

Ty Lee clapped her hands together. "Yeah, so I've heard."

"She doesn't let people leave her service," Zuko noted. "So I have to assume you're here on a mission for her."

She laughed a little and shook her head. "That situation is not at all what it seems to be."

A small but totally gleeful smile appeared on Iroh's face. "So her companion is one who shares your likeness?"

She rolled her eyes. "You'd think my best friend would be able to tell me and my sisters apart." She gestured to Zuko. "Lee knew it was me immediately." To give Ty Lao credit, she'd fooled everyone, including Mai and Azula, who should have seen through the masquerade.

"That still doesn't answer how and why you're here, though," Zuko pointed out.

"You aren't the only one seeking a different path," she said quietly.

Iroh's large callused hand wrapped around one of hers, and when she looked up, she could see understanding in his eyes. "I believe it is safe to say that none of us are a threat to the other."

Ty Lee nodded. "We're only here until we can meet with King Kuei, and I haven't even told my friends who I'm meeting with tonight."

"So you aren't alone, then?" Iroh asked. "That's good. Safer."

"Who are you traveling with?" Zuko asked, clearly more suspicious than his uncle. He'd never liked unknown variables.

"No one you know, silly," she replied easily. "It's just a small group of friends from all over the world."

"It's been wonderful to see you, my dear," Iroh said. "And I would love to stay and chat, but I've been on my feet all day. Why don't you and Lee catch up." He turned to Zuko and raised his eyebrows in question. "And do be sure to stop back in before you leave Ba Sing Se."

Zuko's shoulders drooped a bit and he nodded.

"How long have you two been here?" she asked once Iroh was gone.

"We're new to working in the upper ring," he explained. "But we've been in Ba Sing Se for several weeks now."

"We've only been here about a week," she said. The silence was uncomfortable. "So, I bet you know of some of the nice sights that we haven't found yet."

Zuko nodded. "Yeah. Why don't I show you the Firelight Fountain. It's in the lower ring, but it's actually really nice." He glanced around. "Less stuffy than the places in the upper ring."

"Sounds great," she agreed, following as he led the way to the nearby monorail station. "How did you come to Ba Sing Se, anyway?" When his face closed off again, she clarified. "I don't need every step of your journey. Just… how did Lee and Mushi end up here?"

He visibly relaxed and nodded. "Uncle knows people all over the world, and he got us new identities. It was easy to join the groups of refugees traveling here." He was silent for a moment. "I didn't really want to come here. I still thought honor was something my father could actually give or take away. But I wasn't in a position to argue with Uncle."

"The Dragon of the West is a formidable opponent," she agreed.

Zuko snorted. "I've come to understand that."

Ty Lee laughed, delighted to see him making something of a joke. 

"Whatever we may think of the Earth Kingdom, they manage the people of Ba Sing Se well. They had apartments available and there's a communal kitchen for newcomers who don't have work placement yet." He shook his head, looking a little awed. "It's a far cry from what happens to refugees in… well, you know."

She did know. In the Fire Nation, being in a poor situation was seen as the culmination of poor choices, and aid wasn't freely given to people who had called misfortune on themselves. Her journey had helped her reframe all of that. No one person caused an earthquake or mudslide. Some people made all the right choices and still ended up poor.

"We still live in the lower ring, in one of the refugee apartments, but we're on a waiting list to move to the middle ring," Zuko continued. "I'm not really in a rush to move, because we don't need much. And I don't care about the status." He looked out the window, blind to the blur of the city passing beneath them. "But it would be good to make the apartment available to someone else. There's so many refugees coming into the city right now."

"I really mean it," Ty Lee said, leaning over to look out the windows as the carriage came to a stop. "I'm glad you're finding your own happiness."

He looked at her for a moment. "Thanks." He got up and gestured that this was their station. "And what about you? Are you finding your happiness?"

It was a fair question. She hadn't been exactly unhappy, not since joining the circus. "Purpose," she decided. "I enjoyed entertaining people, but it wasn't enough." Especially after her extra bending potential spontaneously manifested one evening, and she knew she was meant for more.

"And you needed to travel the world to find it?" he asked.

"Not really. Not to find it," she replied. "It's more that the traveling gets me to where I need to be, to… uh, engage in my purpose." That was vague enough, right?

"What is this purpose that can't be done back… home." That last word came out sounding distasteful. The Fire Nation probably hadn't felt like home since even before he was banished.

"Helping others," she declared. "It's more than I could do with the circus, and definitely not something I could do with Az… your sister." It would probably be best to avoid the name that was known the world over. She'd seen the Dai Li lurking on rooftops during the day. While most people didn't tend to look up, she was an acrobat and preferred to go up when she needed an escape. The buildings were taller here, and maybe lower ring inhabitants were less worthy of close monitoring, but she couldn't risk it. "She would've frowned on it, because I'm not just helping people she would have seen worthy." 

Zuko nodded. "She's pretty selective in who she sees worthy of helping, and there's usually a reason behind who she chooses to help, something not remotely altruistic."

Ty Lee nodded. It was something she'd never liked about Azula, even before she'd learned more about herself. "She only watches out for herself and isn't really interested in real balance." It had been why she hadn't gone to her friend for help when she discovered she was the avatar. She knew Azula would cast their friendship aside as easily as she discarded an out-of-season gown, if it would curry favor with her father.

"Balance?" Zuko let out a huff. "You sound like Uncle." A rare smile found its way onto his face. "And that's not something I ever thought I'd say about you."

"I suppose." She laughed a little. "I'm both surprised and unsurprised that he supports balance."

He gave her a look that clearly begged her to explain further.

"The stories I've heard about his military days are very different from the man he is now." She shrugged. "I guess we can all change."

Zuko nodded. "He taught me to redirect lightning," he said in a low whisper.

She stared at him in surprise. "You can do that?!" She hadn't even heard it was possible.

"It's critical in facing off against my sister, or my father, for that matter."

He wasn't wrong. But how had she not found anything on that technique in all the many firebending scrolls she'd covertly read?  Not even the Fire Sages' library contained that information. Spirits, she needed to learn that. But how could she do that? How could she get that information without telling Zuko more than he needed to know?

"Hey Lee!"

Ty Lee looked up to see a  girl their age waving at Zuko from across the street. She wore her hair in paired braids and was dressed in Earth Kingdom green.

"Who's your friend?" Ty Lee asked, delighted by the blush she saw in his cheeks.

"Hello, Jin," he called back, waving awkwardly. It was enough encouragement for the girl to scurry over to them.

It might break Mai's heart if she knew what Zuko was up to in Ba Sing Se, but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. And Ty Lee wasn't in any position to tell her, not that she was inclined to.

"How have things been at the new tea shop?" the girl asked. "We've all been so excited to hear about it."

"It's going really well," Zuko said. It really was nice to see him happy as he chatted with the girl who clearly had a crush on him. "It's been better than even Uncle hoped for."

"That's wonderful!" The girl exclaimed. She turned to Ty Lee. "Hi, I'm Jin."

"Oh," Zuko looked a little nervous. "Jin, this is my, uh, cousin."

Ty Lee grinned. "I've known Lee practically all my life."

Jin's eyes and mouth went round with surprise. "Were you in the circus with him?"

That was his cover story? Ty Lee almost burst out laughing. This was too easy, and would give her something to tease him about for years. "I was in the circus."

"Were you in the juggling act with him?" Jin pressed, looking all the more eager.

Ty Lee shook her head. "No. I'm an acrobat." She demonstrated by bending backward to stand on one hand for a moment.

Jin clapped enthusiastically. "Oh wonderful." She glanced at Zuko for a moment before leaning in to whisper, "He's out of practice, so maybe don't ask him to show off his skills."

"Thank you for the warning," Ty Lee whispered back. She winked at him before speaking regularly again. "Lee is taking me to see the Firelight Fountain."

Jin clasped her hands together over her chest. "Oh, I'm just coming from there. You won't be disappointed." She turned back to Zuko. "It's all lit up tonight."

"Do you, uh… want to join us?" Zuko asked reluctantly.

"I'd love to," Jin said with a sigh. "But I should get back, and I'm sure you and your cousin need to catch up without strangers around."

"Thank you, Jin," Ty Lee said, bowing gratefully to the other girl. "We do have an awful lot to catch up on, and you know how families can be." She tilted her head and rolled her eyes. "Petty infighting and back-stabbing."

Jin laughed. "I'll see you another time, Lee. I'd love to hear more about the Jade Dragon."

"Jasmine Dragon," he corrected. "Like the tea."

"Oops. Yeah, Jasmine." Jin waved and continued back up the road the direction they'd come from.

"She seemed cheerful," Ty Lee said.

Zuko nodded, awkward again. "She's friendly. Happy."

"She likes you," she pointed out sincerely. There was no need for teasing just now.

He looked both pleased and a little embarrassed. "I know."

"I'm glad some of the people here are seeing who you really are." That certainly hadn't happened at home, not after his mother vanished.

He glanced at her in alarm. "She doesn't know… who I am."

She waved off his concern. "I'm not talking about where you came from or what you can do." She wiggled her fingers at him. "I mean who you are as a person."

"Oh." He nodded slowly. "You really sound like Uncle." He looked closely at her. "You're not the person you used to be. Not at all." 

They stepped into a circle that could only be the Firelight Fountain. "It's lovely." The simple feature beautifully displayed three of the four elements at their best. A warm glow shone from the ring of lanterns, reflecting in the stone fountain's sparkling water.  All that was missing was air, and Ty Lee could see small rings on the lanterns that had probably once held streamers to dance in the breeze. The designed balance was as askew as their world, and it broke her heart a little. She'd need to keep Aang away from this place. He didn't need reminders that he was the last of his kind.

"Hey," Zuko said softly. "Are you all right?"

Ty Lee sniffled a little and quickly rubbed at her eyes as she nodded. "Yeah."

"I didn't think you were the type to cry over a pretty fountain," he said.

"It's not just that." She sighed, trying to figure out how much she could tell him and how she could bring up lightning again. "It's… it's a painfully accurate representation of the world," she finally said. "It wants so badly to be balanced. But it isn't."

"Hmmm." He looked closely at the fountain again. "Did you know that the avatar is still alive?" he asked, his gaze intentionally turned toward the water. "He's traveling the world on a flying bison."

"Oh… yeah." She nodded. That bit wasn't exactly a secret. "I'd heard that. I'm pretty sure that's who your sister is chasing after."

"I saw a flyer the other day," Zuko continued. "I guess his bison is missing."

"How… unfortunate." She'd forgotten how good he was at intrigues, just because he didn't care for them. Had she let slip too much? While it was known in the upper ring that the avatar was there, she didn't want her friends to have to dodge Zuko or Iroh. Her firebending had come a long way, but she was no match for either of them. It was just another reminder of how ill prepared she was for taking down Ozai.

"Do you suppose he's found a firebending master yet?" Zuko asked, glancing at her before looking away again. "I imagine that's been a tough element for him."

"He's the avatar," she pointed out. "Shouldn't he already know how to bend all the elements?" They'd encountered that mindset more than a few times, and as the person trying to meet everyone's needs, it was incredibly frustrating.

"I don't think that's how it works." Zuko shook his head. There was a long moment of silence. "I met him once… well, more than once." He looked embarrassed again, as if he were cringing away from his past actions.

"Really?" Aang had shared all his encounters with the angry banished prince, and the boy always seemed disappointed about something.

Zuko sighed. "I wish I could meet him again, now." He met Ty Lee's eyes. "I owe him an apology."

"Really?" How did he keep surprising her like this?

Zuko nodded. "He offered me friendship and I threw fire at him. I hurt him and his friends when I was still desperate to complete my father's errand. It was wrong, and I see that now."

"You just wanted to come home," she said, internally forgiving him for the things he'd done as a result of the abuse he'd endured.

"Yeah, and I've come to realize that a place where you're expected to do things that you simply can not abide because they are morally wrong no matter how you look at it, that's not home," he declared.

"Has Ba Sing Se become your home, then?"

"It's closer," he admitted. "But not quite my home. Not yet." He moved to settle on the edge of the fountain.

"You might just need a bit more time," she suggested.

"Maybe," he agreed. "But I can't shake the feeling that there's something else I should be doing. Something more I could do to help restore the world's balance."

"Oh?" She wasn't sure how to bend that back to what she needed from him. "So what else could you be doing?"

"Teaching the avatar how to firebend," he said, his voice soft and matter of fact. "Like I said earlier, I think that being able to redirect lightning is going to be crucial." He chewed on his lip for a moment. "I've been going out at night looking for signs of his bison, Appa, I think is its name. And while I'm not fully sure I've found it, I might have a decent lead."

Her heart leapt in her chest and her throat felt tight. Appa was a creature of very few words and much wisdom. "Why… why would you do that? Look for Appa?"

"Because it's the right thing to do," Zuko said earnestly. "I've done the wrong thing so often, I have a lot to make up for. And I think it's going to take something monumental to get his friends to let me talk to him and offer my skills."

"Oh." She couldn't think of anything to say to that. How could she bring this up with her friends? Would they be willing to give him a chance?

"Because of the missing bison flyer, I know the avatar is in the city," Zuko went on. "Do you think it's wrong to hope that he might show up in the Jasmine Dragon one day?"

Her breath caught, and it was a struggle not to show it. "No." She coughed to clear her throat. "Stranger things have happened."

Zuko nodded. "You should get back to your friends before they start to worry." He stood up.

"Yeah." She did not want them coming looking for her.

"It was nice to see you, Ty Lee," he said, offering her a small smile. "Nicer than I would have expected."

"I'm glad I bumped into you," she said.

"Be sure to stop by the tea house again," he suggested. "Before you and your friends leave the city."

She smiled, feeling content for the first time in a while. "I will." She had a lead on both a firebending master and Appa's location. Perhaps those two details would be enough to get her friends to take a chance on adding a new member to the group. Maybe things were finally moving past the point of hopelessness, and she actually stood a chance at becoming a good avatar. 

"I'll see you soon, Lee. I promise." She turned and walked up the street toward the monorail.

_____________________

This was fun to write, but also a challenge.  I have never written from Ty Lee's perspective before, and I'm not sure I really nailed her character, but I'm hoping it's close enough.