#I like being reminded that Tony actually CAN sing

[normanbased]

I thought Never Will I Marry was gonna be a silly cute song I didn’t think it was gonna be a heart wrenching

[larcenywrites]

Headcanons | Raising a Baby Together

Tony Stark x Reader

Iron Man is a family man now! And his toughest battle yet is navigating parenthood while also juggling, like, the rest of the world. 

Warnings: One mild sexual reference

Family Man Series: 1  2 3

💠Tony warned you that he'd been a very fussy baby himself. He's still a fussy baby

💠You were starting to get worried, especially with how much your son kicked like he was throwing a tantrum when he was in the womb. 

💠But for the most part, he's actually a very happy baby. No issues taking a bottle (except for the few times you're pretty sure he'd rather just complain about it than eat), and no issues being put to bed. He still wakes you up crying a couple times a night, but that's pretty normal. 

💠But he must know that it's usually his dad that puts him to sleep at certain times. When Tony's gone, it takes an extra 15 minutes to get him to settle down. And it's not even because he's crying (usually); he's just staring at you or looking around. You swear he's looking for Tony, and he knows that's not you... but he does like you, too, so he'll allow it 😌

💠You and Tony both wake up as soon as you hear crying over the baby monitor. When Tony's home, he usually takes the night shift. Feels bad that you have to do everything when he's away, so he usually tries to do most of the work, or at least take the undesirable moments like this. 

💠You don't always let him. He's just as exhausted as you are, if not more.

💠Tony does love to listen to you over the baby monitor, though. 

💠He'll never admit to it, but hearing you talk and/or sing the baby back to sleep also puts him back to sleep. 🥺

💠If Tony's having trouble getting the baby to sleep, he picks up on the things you say and do. 

💠Eventually you catch him singing 

💠And humming tunes that he can remember his mom playing on the piano :(

💠Tony did a very good job changing diapers on those fake babies, so when he's on diaper duty for the first time, he's pretty sure he's got this! He's, like, a genius, so how hard could it be? 

💠He learned very quickly that he does, in fact, not have this. He's suddenly forgot everything he learned and which way it goes and now he's getting pissed on, so that's great. You'll have to help him out for a day or two

💠After about three months, Tony wants another. Even though you just had one. He isn't the one that has to carry it around for nine months 😤

💠It would be nice for them to grow up together and be (basically) the same age, though. And with Tony gone so much, at least they'd have each other when you were busy. 

💠Two babies when you're all alone will be a handful, though...

💠You do finally agree after some thought, and you're literally right in the middle of ✨working on it✨ when that familiar cry rings out. 

💠"I got it," you mumble, trying to remember where you put your robe. But you don't leave before giving him one last smooch. "I'll be back for you."

💠So now you're pregnant with another one and dealing with one. 

💠And dealing with Tony's misadventures on top of that. 

💠Sometimes you find him asleep at his computer with your son curled against his chest. Always dedicated and determined to do everything at once, your Tony. The exhaustion is clear on his face even while he's asleep. You carefully try to move his hand out of your way, but he's always been a light sleeper. 

💠And a grumpy one, too, when he first wakes up.

💠"Don't take my baby," he pouts. "I can do it." He knows it's way past everyone's bedtime. 

💠"You need to get to bed," you gently scold him.

💠"So do you."

💠Sometimes you can waste ten minutes arguing about who goes to bed first. It's not very productive. 

💠But then when your baby is yawning and stretching, you're reminded that someone needs to do it now.

💠You're half asleep on the couch when you think Tony is messing with you, and it's actually just your son gently grabbing at your nose and exploring your face. Tony thinks it's adorable, but he doesn't get so lucky. Instead, he's getting poked in the eye and a finger in his nose.

💠When your second one comes along, he's almost an exact year apart from his brother. 13 months apart! And thankfully just as happy as his brother. 

💠Some days can be... pretty hectic at the Stark household, though.

💠"Tony, I don't care if the sky is falling. You're staying here and helping me with your kids!"

💠Your oldest has just spilled cheerios on the floor from his high chair, and no, he's not sad about it; he thinks it's hilarious. This is not the first time he's done this. It's his favorite prank to pull. 

💠"Take your son!" You whisper-yell. You do not care that Tony is on a super important phone call. You do not care that he was only passing by very quickly to look for some document. You need to clean up, and your youngest refuses to be sat down without crying. He gives you that look, but knows better than to say 'no' and quickly takes his youngest from you with his phone now awkwardly wedged between his cheek and shoulder while digging through the desk with one hand and occasionally making silly faces to keep the baby from crying. Accidentally talks in his baby voice while he does it, and Natasha does not appreciate it. 

💠But other days are quiet. You're with your one-year-old on the floor, playing with shapes and dinosaurs and dolls while your one-month-old is quietly working on a bottle in Tony's arms.

💠No, the circle doesn't go in the square hole even though it fits. 

💠No, the triangle doesn't... either. Even though... it does fit, so he's technically not wrong for putting it in, huh? You both watch a hexagon go in before looking at each other. Maybe we need a new one. 😐

💠While your newest is still mostly immobile in your arms, his brother is clumsily walking after his dad. Tony was actually here when he took his first steps, and now nothing can stop him! Except for the wall. And the edge of the rug. And sometimes his own feet. Never cries when he falls, though, because dad's right there to help him up! 

💠Tony wasn't there for his first words, however :/ But luckily, you got it on video for him because he started babbling 'dada' 

💠Well, later he suddenly latched onto... juice? Everyone and everything was 'juice' for three days straight. It was funny, but you and Tony had to be careful jokingly calling each other 'juice' because your son would latch right back onto it. You're pretty sure he just thought it was funny, too. 

💠Oh, and the boys absolutely get jealous of one another already, and always want to be held by you or Tony. It's hard to have them both in your arms or on your lap but they'll appreciate it if you can manage. They don't fight one another or anything if they're both in your lap. They just get jealous that they aren't there, but their brother is. Or maybe they just want to be with each other? Either way, they always want attention. 

💠The first time they each hear JARVIS, they're frozen in place, brown eyes wide. Because who is that? Where are they at? It's kinda cute. They eventually get used to it, but they do always look around to figure out who dad is talking to. 

💠Both are very interested in the arc reactor in Tony's chest. It's shiny and blue and weird, so of course they want to grab at it and stare at it. You get worried it might be too bright for their brand-new eyes. If Tony isn't already wearing a shirt, he does try to keep the blanket they're swaddled in bunched over it or something like that. 

💠If he could dim it, he would. You've probably asked him like three times since he came home with it. It's like sleeping next to a nightlight 😪

💠Already has some pretty strong opinions on how he wants to raise his kids. There's probably only a few disagreements and compromises, but there's still quite a few years for things to change, so you tell him to chill out a little

💠There is one thing you can agree on. He never ever wants to send them to a boarding school like his dad did to him. Even if they do become a handful or unruly little assholes like he was. 

💠Is also pretty sure he doesn't want them to know anything about Iron Man. You're a little surprised. Their dad is a superhero! You figured he'd be latching onto having that glory. But he wants to be cool just because he's Dad :( He used to boast about it all the time, but now when he comes home he just wants to be home. It's hard to separate both lives when his suits are right downstairs and he sees them every day, but for you and his kids, he just wants to be Tony Stark

💠But either way, he'll do whatever it takes to take care of you guys and keep you safe ❤️

Family Man Series: 1  2 3

[blackfairy312]

If they were a character from inside out, who would each be? Have any of them had an anxiety attack before? (If you watched the movie, it’s good) (Fnac)

🍷/ gooood morning :3 i got donuts and coffee

i first watched inside out a loooooong time ago, and all i can remember is that i didn't like it that much. it wasn't a BAD movie, i just personally didn't think it was great. i didn't like Joy. however, i enjoyed the idea of how the "mind" looked it. it's a little similar to how innerworld in DID/OSDD systems work (some of them), honestly i think the idea of Inside Out would work better as a story if it was about alters/parts working together instead of being about emotions. limiting the characters to one singular emotion can make it difficult to make characters interesting. if they were alters/parts instead, then they'd have the creative freedom to make some of them fleshed-out characters and some of them two-dimensional, as sometimes alters/parts won't have fully developed personalities. i dunno. again, i haven't seen the first Inside Out in a long time, and i haven't seen the sequel yet. i might only watch it for Maya Hawk, to be honest 🤭

(sorry for the rambling 😢😢 back to answering the questions)

who would they be from Inside Out:

🐀Toni - Anger

🐱 Richie - Riley's Dad

🎭 Vincent - Joy

🎁 Vinnie - Sadness

🎹 Komi - Disgust

have any of them ever had an anxiety attack:

🎹Komi already has PTSD. She's had an exhausting amount of anxiety attacks that were triggered by the paranoia of something bad happening to her again. Being an immortal non-human doll/snake reincarnation doesn't make her immune from mental breakdowns. She's got an incredibly fragile mind, and she copes with it in the worst ways (alchohol/weed/impulsive actions). She REFUSES to let herself break down in front of other people. If she knows she's about to crumble, she just excuses herself and goes somewhere else to try to calm down. Music actually helps her a LOT. So she'll sing to herself to relax.

🐀Toni has had few anxiety attacks throughout his life. Instead, he's had very violent mood swings, due to his childhood being the way that it was. He's got a lot of anger issues as a result. His anxiety is triggered by the thought of children, or people he cares about, getting physically hurt. (How ironic, considering what the Rat animatronic has done.) Though, instead of having an anxiety attack, Toni reacts to his anxiety by attacking whatever triggered it if it's in the room with him and his hands are free. Think again of Mike Schmidt beating up that guy in the mall because he thought the man was kidnapping a small boy who reminded Mike of his little brother, Garret.

🐱 Richie probably hasn't had an anxiety attack in his life. He doesn't understand those kinds of things. He's the type of guy to respond to someone saying they have depression with, "Then just go outside." He's not ableist, he's just ignorant. He'd point at someone if they had a visible disability or uncommon physical trait(missing limb, wheelchair, scar, etc) It's 1961. Do you know who was president in the United States at that time? John F. Kennedy.

🎭Vincent is the exact same as Richie except he CHOOSES to be ignorant. Anxiety isn't something that Vincent struggles with. He doesn't have an anxiety disorder. He sees emotional instability as a sign of weakness in someone. Ironic, considering that he himself is very emotionally unstable. They called mental health hospitals and treatment centers "looney bins" during this time period, by the way.

[blaintism]

Name five scenes that show off Blaine’s best qualities?

sorry for taking a couple days to respond I knew I'd really have to sit and think this one out!

the first scene that comes to mind is when finn basically baits him into thinking he's going to get a solo but is actually talking about rory. while like 90% of the other glee characters would yell at him, storm out, or slap somebody, he just says it's a great idea and rory will do a great job. I think it's something people get wrong about his character all the time, that because he sings a lot he's a diva the likes of rachel. I know anderberry is popular but I think they're more disimilar than people think. rachel throws a fit when things don't go her way. the kick to blaine's character is whether he gets something good or not he doesn't mind. I think it's a really endearing quality. he loves singing, and does it whenever he gets the chance, but he also is so positive about sharing the spotlight in a way that's sort of rare on the show. another example to this point is that he was willing to not audition for tony for kurt, or that he always is featured in group numbers or a duet in competitions after joining NDs.

which reminds me of the whole thing in season five where tina offers him a solo for nationals because everyone agreed he deserves it for working hard, and then like two episodes later when he got valedictorian they're mad he got a solo because he gets 'handed things' but they were the ones who handed him this thing. and then he doesn't perform a solo at nationals and does a duet with tina, who was the one mad at him also. what. anyways. back to the question at hand LOL

secondly we always have to acknowledge the scene at the end of prom queen. i think it's a really beautiful moment of character growth. blaine in season two is clearly someone who went through some things and is very afraid because of this, and we get this very special moment where he faces his fears for kurt. to me it shows his heart. he loves sooo big

a third thing i really like is blaine standing up for jane in season six. at first he's a little thrown off by the whole thing but he ends up being fully behind her and i think it shows a good quality that even after the vote when she maybe doesn't even want to be in the group anymore he threatens to quit. just wants to make things right either way!!

fourthly can i just say a lot of his relationship with sam? in general i think the way he handles having a crush on him shows this quality he has in sort of putting those he cares about before himself (not always so much to the healthiest degree.. but he's sweet). he really wants to make people happy. i think for the last scene i can point out this in a lot of his friendships but i think i'll refer to my favorite: tina. particularly when he's concerned about her in the season five premiere so he schemes to make the guys take her to prom. that's his best friend who is so mean and he just wants to help her. anyways this has been long and gone a little all over the place but here you go.

[it-brought-me-to-my-knees]

DIGICORE LOVE: MY FIVE FAVOURITE SONGS (AS OF RIGHT NOW) [#1]

recovery girl - "it’s love" / "it's love redux"

A big Hyperpop Moment for me, the loser who cares deeply about echoes of the past in the art of today: “wow this has the same chord progression as “Because The Night” by Patti Smith, that’s so crazy, I love that s- wait a minute, they’re ripping off the Cascada cover!!!”. The original is so stark that it reminds me of the days when “hyperpop” was often mentioned in the same breath as “deconstructed club music”, but it’s such a perfect pop song that it doesn’t feel like it needs anything more… and yet I’m equally smitten with the “redux” version that fleshes it out from a minimal pop song into a rock song that’s almost too much, the snarling distortion that crept at the borders of the original bursting through the walls: jazzy emo noodling, a roaring half-time breakdown, and a guitar solo that swoops in for just long enough for you to think “holy shit, a guitar solo!”. 

Man, that wacky bass intro - get a load of Tony Levin over here!

webcage - "0M61LY5M"

Makes me feel old that they namedrop Danger Days as an emo classic in this one. I mean, I like it, but my wife is an I Brought You My Bullets purist so DD is borderline verboten in our household.  But we did talk about My Immortal on the night we first met, so I’m sure she’d appreciate a hook as on-point as “Ripped skinny jeans, black nails and a septum / all the preps, all the posers, just forget them!”. 

Quite interesting to see how quickly and subtly nostalgic art can warp the recent past - I certainly don’t remember the Scott Pilgrim soundtrack being an emo touchstone, but tbf, the “MySpace rawr x3” vibe that I’m so fond of was already on the way out during my Peak Emo Years (‘10-’12), so maybe I’m equally guilty of sloppy romanticisation. Life is so hard for me, the oldest zoomer (27): the kids are a mess but if I try to join the millennials they might start gushing about “LCD Soundsystem”.

Another big moshy breakdown! Someone really needs to start a clubnight for cringe shut-ins like me, I can’t jump around to this in my bedroom.

SEBii - “STFU…ur done”

If you’re a fan of rap, you’re probably familiar with a few of the many, many “worst rappers of all time”; there’s a new one every six months or so. You don’t have to actually be a bad rapper to be “the worst”, you just have to somehow represent a threat to rap’s status quo (despite rap’s status quo being… already bad? Don’t overthink it, just open your third eye) - misunderstood innovators like Lil Wayne and Young Thug, “I’m not a fan, but the kids like it” oddballs like 6ix9ine and Lil Yachty, even fairly traditional rappers who committed the mortal sin of rapping over DJ Premier beats while not being Guru, like Group Home (one for the old heads there). 

A few years ago, if pressed, I’d probably have said Travis Scott, who is somehow like a less charming Drake - no charisma, no bars, barely anything that even resembles rapping, but his executive-producer role makes his fans worship him like the all-singing all-dancing second coming of Beethoven. It’s galling enough when they treat Kanye like that, and Kanye could actually sit down with an MPC and make great beats, once upon a time.

Nowadays, though, if you shift the goalposts just right and ignore the music itself, I think that SEBii might actually be the worst rapper of all time. In all my years suffering in the rap nerd mines I never, not once, heard an MC namedropping RhymeZone. Not even a self-admitted ex-textcee like Ab-Soul, and that guy once rapped “let me put my mouth where you potty, boo”. 

It’s hard to contextualise him, really. There’s a lot of black American artists and a lot of white American artists on this corner of the Internet but very few from China (shout-out to Alice Longyu Gao!). He looks like someone got the word “nerd” during a game of Pictionary and had five seconds to draw it, but he’s not nerdcore (although he does make anime references sometimes). He once intentionally mispronounced “chuckle” as “chickle” so he could rhyme it with “abysmal”... which he then unintentionally(?) mispronounced as “adysmal”. But as Guru once said, “it’s mostly the voice that gets you up”, and what a voice Seb has - a smirking prepubescent squeak, like a mischievous animal companion in a video game. 

He’s fully confident and capable with the instrument that God has granted him, flipping dextrously between flows, and thanks to his ear for melody it really clicks with his beats. On paper they should be typical modern trap/drill-influenced material, but they make great use of negative space - the texture of a typical SEBii song is very lean and deliberate without ever feeling *too* sparse, cycling through different combinations of thumping bassline, jittery synth lines and dynamic drum pattern, all three occasionally dropping out completely to let echoes of that voice linger in the virtual air. 

There’s a playful, colourful sense of melody to some of his beats—"TiiKKA MASALA" is downright jaunty—that wouldn’t really work with a rapper who was seriously trying to project menace instead of talking about shit like, Idk, Sword Art Online. I know I was shitting on Travis Scott fans for talking like this just a few paragraphs ago but the VVYELLOW EP is quite an impressive work of A&R, if I didn’t know better I could believe that every beat was the work of a single producer. Goofy music, but sleek and charming. Okay I immediately regret picking "goofy" as the adjective here, now I'm wondering if furry R&B is hyperpop (yes, obviously).

This is what real allyship sounds like btw.

threedimensionsapart - “dropdead”

I like how thin this one is lyrically - the one verse almost immediately shifts back into a chorus that gets repeated so insistently that a line as banal as “you don’t even follow me on Twitter” almost takes on mantra-like significance. And barely audible in the background, those warbling falsetto backing vocals! A stroke of mad genius. Feels like it should be laughable but tbqh he could do pretty much anything on the mic and it’d still be carried by this fucking beautiful glowing summer sky of an instrumental, an “in a dream you saw the pearly gates swing open for just a second and the tiny fragment you gleaned of the sights and sounds of Paradise was forever tattooed on your tender mortal brain” type beat. Dunno how to make those, I’m probably just not adding enough reverb.

wubz - “mania”

(That cat is so cute lmao.)

So many hyperpop/digicore artists are defined by their high voice - whether it’s trans women voice-training and pitch-shifting for obvious reasons or young castrato-sounding mfs like SEBii and kmoe who just sound Like That, there’s an abundance of countertenors and contraltos.

wubz, in stark contrast, seems to have gone “lol fuck that, I’m going the other way [devil emoji]”. I know “Pitched-down vocals? Wow!!!” is a funny thing to say about a rapper in 2023 but wubz never really sounds chopped-and-screwed to me - the vibe is closer to “original Japanese voice actor for an anime hooligan”, just like the angry schoolboy on the cover art for “walls”.

This description might make him sound less emo than his peers, but make no mistake: he’s emotional as FUCK, just like gruff emo OGs Guy Picciotto and Blake Schwarzenbach. (Those guys hate being called “emo”, which is how you know it’s a real genre. See also: Andrew Eldritch/Robert Smith/Peter Murphy and “goth”, everyone I mention on this blog and “hyperpop”). These emo ties are further reinforced by his affection for beats with prominent guitar - “FE4R” in particular is more like a rap-influenced post-hardcore song than vice versa, with actual (like, actual-actual. Like “skramz”.) screamo screams and violent lyrics that, in this context, feel closer to the noir-tinged moodiness of Senses Fail or Alkaline Trio than… who’s rapping nowadays, who do the kids like… Kevin Gates? Actually now I think about it Gates singing pop-punk hits in his croaky baritone kinda predicted this vibe… ugh, it’s so annoying that someone as deeply boring as Machine Gun Kelly managed to make “what if a rapper… went pop-punk” into a commercial prospect. Should’ve been a Deep South rap crooner. Please Rod Wave, consider recording a Victory Records cover album.

This blog is already dangerously close to me just saying “[new thing] is like [old music-nerd thing], probably a coincidence but pretty wild huh” fifty times in a row but the melodic feedback shrieks on this really do remind me of early Animal Collective. Hurts so good.

And that's all for this week! Maybe month, I find schedules scary! Byeee!!!!

[darkmasterofcupcakes]

DHMIS Review: TV Episode 1, Jobs

First off, this is going to be fairly long since these reviews are kind of like a mix of an actual review and just me sharing my thoughts on certain points of the shorts/episodes. And while I usually don’t have quite enough thoughts on the shorts to warrant a read more, I am going to do that for the TV episodes, just because those are like, up to almost 3 times longer than some of the shorts, so I’m going to usually have more to say just by default. The review proper will be under the cut,

Was I the only one who was kind of shocked the first time they played this episode and actually heard a proper theme song? I guess I probably should have expected it, since while this show is obviously much darker and definitely not for the same target audience, it often feels like it’s meant to invoke the feelings of a children’s show, albeit a twisted one. And children’s shows usually do have some kind of theme song. But I love how the theme song not only changes a bit each episode, but even the verses that always stay the same....don’t really tell you too much about anything? Basically all the song tells you about the main characters or the show is that there’s three of them, and they do...stuff together. It is still a pretty nice-sounding song. The Students never really sang much in the shorts so you never really get the ability to appreciate the fact that they actually harmonize pretty well together. 

Why does it amuse me so much that Red Guy apparently went through the trouble of actually writing “Nothing” on each of the “time slots” for the day? Then again, considering how bothered he seems to be later about “Nothing Day” being cancelled, maybe he did that to celebrate the fact that they had nothing planned.

Going into this show, the one thing I did not expect was for Duck to have such an ego, but it took all of five minutes for me to just fully accept that this guy genuinely thinks he’s the best of the three main characters. Though, considering how I usually feel about characters with huge egos, I guess that does explain why he’s my least favorite Student...but the fact that I still love him says so much about how good the writing and acting is for this show. 

Anyone else get reminded of how the Healthy Band got introduced with the way Briefcase was brought into things? Just in how there’s no indication that he was there at all until one of the other characters actually acknowledges him, then it kind of acts like he was there the whole time? Though Red’s reaction is more like how he responded back when they first met Tony in the shorts...and his follow up of asking why they didn’t get breakfast makes me feel like he would have shut down the Healthy Band almost immediately. “If we’re hungry, we’ll get something to eat. Bye.”

As someone who hates when others make decisions for me, I kind of get annoyed by Duck telling Briefcase to get them all jobs, despite the fact that Red had shown literally no issue with the fact that they had nothing planned? Again, just another reason why he’s the main character I probably like the least.

Speaking of Duck, I feel like between the shorts and episodes, I need to start keeping a tally of how often his voice is clearly auto-tuned, especially when it comes to singing? Because I swear there’s no real rhyme or reason to when they let the actor just use the Duck voice normally, and when they auto-tune it. Also, the fact that he apparently supports cryptocurrency feels like it says so, so much....

The first character from the TV show that stole my heart - Unemployed Brendon. What can I say? I love me some gremlins and this little briefcase just screams “gremlin” to me. Plus I just feel bad for him, having to get dragged around to sing a song about how much he sucks compared to his younger brother (though, the bit of dialogue at the end honestly makes me have to double check that he’s not the Briefcase’s son...even though I almost feel like that’d fit even more with the dark comedy this series often has). But, seriously, someone tell Brendon about how you can self-publish nowadays - he deserves to get his novel out there.

I didn’t notice until I saw it brought up on TV Tropes, but apparently the reason Duck’s attempt at making a bit or part failed because one of his feathers got caught in it and...brought it to life? No idea what actually happened, but I am glad that Andy put it out of it’s misery because that thing seemed to just exist in a state of agony. 

If I had a nickel for every time I can remember one of the main guys either getting hit on or feeling like they’re hitting on one of the sentient objects, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice. But, seriously, how else are we supposed to take how the fax machine talks to and compliments Red Guy? 

Is the cigarette being included in the meal just supposed to be a joke about how often employees take smoke breaks, or is it a reference to the ‘healthy shape” back in the fifth short, that actually included cigarettes as a food group? With this series, I’d believe either. 

Not sure which is more concerning - the fax machine suggesting that Red Guy could have someone killed because he’s the boss at the company, or the garbage bin just screaming at him to fire the whole world. Or the fact that the bin screams “Fire the whole world!” after the fax machine suggests that Red Guy could have someone killed. Probably that last one. 

As someone who’s worked in retail, I can say that those sorts of videos are things that they do show to new workers, and if anything, the one they show Duck watching might actually make more sense than some of the ones I know have been shown to different workers in real life. I wish I could say I was joking.

Apparently if there’s one thing Duck should have learned by now, it’s that him picking up phones only leads to horrible things happening to him. Though, to be honest, considering how much he apparently wanted to leave, I’m not really sure how much he should be bothered by the fact that he got fired? Maybe he’s more bothered by the fact that the other two are apparently staying, since I feel like that’s the main reason he hadn’t just left almost immediately. I also just noticed that in the box of “Duck’s” things is the cactus that flips everyone off from the first short. Nice little call back to where it all began.

Not sure what the bathroom scene was supposed to be about? Like, I honestly feel like that might be the biggest “What?” moment of the whole episode to me, just because it just felt...random? Especially the part with the urinal apparently going out for a smoke break? What?

The second song in this episode is one that is like...I can’t really see myself listening to it when I’m not watching the episode, but I feel like it grows on me a little more each time I hear it? Though I do kind of love how what seems to snap Duck out of it enough for him to actual interrupt the song is him being made into a cube...which looks like it belongs in Angry Birds. If that wasn’t intentional, it’s even more hilarious.

Does anyone know what’s supposed to have happened at the end? Like, is the idea that time only passes inside the workplace/for the workers, and since Duck was fired time was frozen for him and it only started moving again when he got hired again and lost his memory? 

Anyone else think about the fact that the whole reason things go so horrifically wrong in the end is because of Duck? I mean, yeah, it’s not amazing that it seems like Red and Yellow aged so much in what feels like no time at all to Duck...but they both seemed to be happy? We don’t see much of Yellow and Claire together, but from the little we see, they seemed to be happy together and when everything is reset, the poor guy sounds genuinely distraught upon realizing his child is just...gone? Things only got really dark when Yellow got into the accident, and he only got into the accident because Duck threw his card onto the belt because he (Duck) wasn’t happy with how things had gone?

Favorite joke of the episode? “Do something!” “You’re fired!” “Not that!” 

I love how they all actually react to when everything gets reset after Duck finds the Briefcase again. Kind of fitting that Yellow is the one in therapy. He probably is the one that needs it the most, especially considering later episodes imply he might actually remember events from previous episode (timelines?), at least vaguely. 

So, first episode of the TV show, how does it hold up? I’d probably give it a 4 out of 5? It probably feels the most like the shorts to me, which makes sense in some ways because I feel like for the first episode, you’d want to have it feel familiar enough to draw in returning viewers. But, at the same time, the fact that it feels so much like the shorts does take some points off for me, just because of the length? It’s still a really fun episode, but in some ways, it feels just a bit stretched out? Also, I don’t really love the “Jobs” song, besides the little part with Brendon, and the part with the free vending machine always kind of grosses me out, so the highest I can give this episode is a 4/5.

[cr0ftisprocrastinating]

Hello, me again being just perfectly normal as per usual.

I just finished listening to your INCREDIBLE playlist for HDG, and it's... did I already say incredible? It is very incredible. Wildly eclectic in all the best possible ways. I was SO PLEASED to see Babylon Zoo and Kula Shaker in particular! (no Tattva though?? how dare you it was the first guitar solo I ever learned) Anyway it brought back many many memories, so please find them all enclosed lol

I'm on holiday and have LOTS of time to kill, so I have constructed a sectioned, annotated list ❤️

The Best Song

Reef - Place your hands

I think this might be the best song ever made in the 90s? It's lived in my head forever. APPARENTLY the lyrics are "place your hands on my hope" but I have been singing "on my hole" for so fucking long and I will not change now. Those are the real lyrics as far as I’m concerned. Anyway it’s so joyful!

Songs that people don't remember until they hear them

Suede - Beautiful Ones - The chorus definitely rings through Hermione’s head whenever a Slytherin walks into the room lmao

Supergrass - Alright - I feel like I heard this song every single day for a decade

Stone Roses - She Bangs the Drums - Their most pop song and holy shit its good

Ocean Colour Scene - Riverboat song - Not only amazing, but also the intro riff was the soundtrack to TFI Friday with that bastard Chris Evans (the other one)

Corner Shop - Brimful of Asha - Oh god this song hahah. Another one that was played so much it just became the general background noise of life

The Seahorses - Love is the law - I dunno if anyone even remembers John Squire had another band after the Stone Roses, but he did and this track was the only song of theirs I ever heard but it was enough that I remember them

Catatonia - Mulder and Scully - Is there anything more 90s than the X-Files?

The Divine Comedy - Something For the Weekend - Inextricably linked with the above in my head for reasons I can't remember. Maybe just because they're both spooky??

The Mavericks - Dance the Night Away - The happiest break up song ever made?

Juggernauts of the era

I mean these need no explanation so I mostly haven't bothered, but Bittersweet Symphony was literally the sound of an entire generation (and the music video? Just walking down a shitty street, disconnected from everyone around him, singing about hopelessness while dressed all in black, barging uncaringly past people??? IT MEEEE lol). Also a reminder that Things Can Only Get Better was the Labour Party song when everyone thought Tony Blair would save us from the conservatives 🙄

Verve - Bittersweet Symphony

Oasis - Cigarettes & Alcohol

Blur - Girls and Boys

Pulp - Common People - 🎵 Rent a flat above a shop, cut your hair and get a job 🎵

Prince - 1999

DReam - Things Can Only Get Better

Songs I don't think necessarily fit your playlist vibe but I remember fondly anyway

Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees - One of my faves, it’s so fucking depressing lol. “She lives with a broken man, a cracked polystyrene man” 🥹

Ace of Base - All That She Wants - My dad loved Ace of Base for some reason? Which was weird because he mostly just listened to Pavarotti

4 Non Blondes - What's up - Still find myself regularly singing Heeeeeeeeayyy yeaaaah yeaaah yeahhh constantly 

The Shamen - Ebeneezer Goode - E’s are good, gettit??? It’s such a blatant, smirking middle-finger to The Establishment that you’ve got to kinda love it, even if it’s fucking irritating to actually listen to hahah

Shaggy - Oh Carolina

Wet Wet Wet - Goodnight Girl - I did NOT listen to Wet Wet Wet. But my mum did, and this song was in heavy rotation, so I still know all the lyrics

And as this is an ask, I've prepared an actual question! Do you listen to music while you're writing? I can't, I get too distracted by the lyrics and I lose the ability to write words!

OK that's it I'm done have fun! <3 xx

Stars…your name is fitting because you are what?? HEAVENLY.

I will be adding all of these to the playlist tomorrow. Even if they don’t ‘fit the vibe’. The vibe of the playlist is - there is no vibe! It’s like what if Hermione and Theo bought every single weird mashup CD to occupy them in their little copy room, and therefore ANY and ALL bangers are welcomed hehe.

Re: writing to music - it depends on my mood! When I am struggling to get words down I definitely think it helps to focus me in the right ‘tone’. For NETG I used that miserable playlist a LOT lmao. Sometimes I get overexcited though and have to ‘dance around my room’ - a thing I have done my entire life and is not dancing at all, rather me hurtling from one end of my room to another, grinning madly as the made up people in my head do things I want them to.

I always try and convince myself I can listen to music while I study. This is always a lie. One day I’ll grow out of it, but not today

[sitpwgs]

Hey! I know you didn't reply yet but I am very intrigued by your Barbie musical choices. I love that cast idea! Unfortunately I missed the movie again the other day but maybe I will see it the next week..idk. but I realized that I never told you my favorite musicals. So..my musical knowledge at first was from a lot of movie musicals..which I still love. Like I was familiar with Hairspray, Mamma Mia, Sweeney Todd and Rent..which are some of my favorites still cuz I'm so familiar with them. One of my absolute favorites is Sweeney Todd..and I know the show is better now but I still enjoy the movie. I was able to see Rent on tour which was better but I still enjoy the movie too. Then when I saw the Les Mis movie..I became obsessed with it and got more into Broadway because of it. But before that..I was familiar with a few songs from Wicked..and that was the first show I saw on tour so I still love it. Then I got really into Newsies and Jeremy Jordan for a while..and I think the musical is better than the movie..even if I saw the movie first lol. By this time..Hamilton had come out and I also loved that..but maybe not as much as other people..and 2016 was the first year I watched the Tony's. I enjoyed Waitress too. I also started watching old musical movies around that time..and just wanted to know as many musicals as possible..so West Side Story is one of my favorite movie musicals. La La Land had come out and I was obsessed with it..but Emma Stone is my favorite actress and her being in a musical was a dream come true. I know many people don't like it..but I did since it wasn't based on anything and reminded me of old musicals. Basically I like any musicals mostly..and don't really pick favorites between them. Unfortunately I haven't been as into Broadway as much lately for new shows but I try to see shows on tour. Hadestown on tour was really good and I hope you get tickets!!!There are a lot of cast recordings I haven't listened to yet. What are some of your favorite musicals? Sorry this is so long..and I know you haven't replied yet. Also I forgot to ask you your opinion on the new Emily Henry book!!!

have you watched the barbie movie yet? i'd love to hear your thoughts — especially with my casting! a friend suggested gavin creel (especially with his current hair) as ken, and once that was suggested most things just fell into place! i was toying around with stephanie styles (or taylor louderman) for barbie, originally, but then once i got attached to the idea of gavin creel as ken, i knew i needed someone who i was confident could hold their own next to gavin, someone who was a strong actor (and a more subtle actor), among other things and i just really, really want meghann fahy to go back to theatre! i'm really happy for her success in tv (and i loved watching her in bold type, and will someday get around to watching white lotus for her and her alone), but i do miss her doing theatre. she just has such a beautiful voice, and i've loved her since her sam brown days! i think about her singing valentine by preston max allen, and her as riley in the we are the tigers concert all the time! a fun fact about me is that i've only actually seen the sweeney todd movie, and i've actually never seen rent! for some reason, i've had it in my mind that i should just hold out on seeing rent until i can see it in person, and the last time the tour was here in seattle i had bronchitis and wasn't up for seeing it. i'm hoping i can see it sometime soon! i love love love mamma mia, and i think it's just the perfect movie musical — and also a perfect musical! it is simply just so fun! my friends and i did a powerpoint night a few years ago, and her powerpoint was on potential mamma mia sequels (and i think she had like, eight different titles + plots picked out). as a les mis snob, i have a love hate with the les mis movie, but it also did pull me deeper into the world of musical theatre 🤍 newsies was the first show i saw on broadway and it'll forever have a special place in my heart (my first musical ever was annie!). and i do also agree that the newsies musical is much better than the movie! i have such a soft spot for it. i used to follow the tony awards religiously (and also just like, constantly check up on broadway grosses, etc.) but i don't anymore! waitress is another show that has a special place in my heart; it's tied for the show i've seen the most, actually! speaking of la la land, i just remembered they were hoping to adapt it for the stage — i wonder what happened to it, or if it's just fizzled out. the choreo in la la land is spectacular, and i was just talking to a friend a little bit ago about how paramour (the cirque show) did a la la land tribute back in the day! i also haven't been as interested in current shows on broadway, unfortunately! i'm hoping that something will speak to me soon, because i'd love to go back and see some shows. i know the notebook musical is transferring, and i wonder if the cast will stay with it! i saw the notebook musical last october in chicago, and i thought it was ... very weak, but the cast was incredible. i was particularly blown away by john cardoza (who i still maintain should be orpheus in hadestown someday; i love him), and joy woods! and yes — i managed to get hadestour tickets while on the plane to chicago, actually! i'm super excited to see hadestown again 🤍 some of my favorite musicals are: les miserables, waitress, sunday in the park with george, hadestown, deaf west spring awakening, newsies, once, an american in paris, come from away, alice by heart, ride the cyclone, venice, marie dancing still, we are the tigers, company, amélie! i'm sure i'm leaving something out too! i haven't been listening to a lot of newer cast recordings either; i've been meaning to listen to the sweeney one, actually but i might hold off till the entire thing is released! and i'm so excited for the new emily henry! it sounds so up my alley (i say, as if any of her adult romances haven't been up my alley)! i saw the cover got leaked and it's so pretty too — i just wish it was coming out in paperback, and not hardback!

[whatsbehindthefacade]

five times healed:      ( five times the receiver nursed the sender back to health, or tended to their wounds ) ( Riff for Velma)

Be prepared for nearly 3000 words of cuteness and mild angst @heygutlcss

1.

Velma Miecinski is eleven years old, and for once, the apartment is quiet. Her mother has the boys out, though for what, she’s not entirely sure. Maybe to blow off some steam and energy so that they’ll be quiet later. Probably a wise decision. As for her father...well, he’s either out working, or he’s squandering what little money they have in one of the local bars. Either way, it’s more than probable that they’re in for a rough night with a lot of yelling at bare minimum. Her parents had spent all of the previous night arguing, raised voices and raised fists, all while she’d been curled up under her bed, hands over her ears and her favourite ratty blanket tugged over her head.

She likes these quiet moments though, when she’s got no one to answer to but herself, when she can hum and sing to herself whatever tune it is she’s last heard on a nearby radio and dance around the room without a care, skirts twirling. At least for a little while. Today though, a knock on the door has her pausing, glancing towards it with mild trepidation. They don’t usually get much in the way of knocking, not unless it’s from the landlord or from someone else looking something. Velma pauses, stares, and the knock comes again.

Normally, she’d just ignore it, but today, for whatever reason, she finds herself stepping up and unlocking it, opening it just enough to peer through the crack and see Riff standing there. She knows Riff well enough, considers him a fairly good friend even, but he’s never shown up on her doorstep alone before, and certainly not with blood smeared across his knuckles and crusted under his nose. Usually if Riff shows, it’s with Tony by his side, an inseparable duo. But, she reminds herself, Tony’s not about today, out with his ma for some sort of appointment that he’d mentioned previously in passing. She pulls the door open fully.

“What happened to you?” she asks.

“Can I clean up? Tony ain’t answerin’.”

It doesn’t really surprise her that her question has gone ignored. She doesn’t really know much about Riff’s home life, except that, like all of them, it’s far from great. There are some things she could probably guess at, but she says nothing. Instead she steps aside and tugs him in, locking the door behind him before leading him into her room. Her pa would kill her if he knew that she had a boy in her room, but it has a window and a fire escape that means he can clamber out without being caught if someone comes home early.

“Wait here.”

She gestures for him to sit down before scurrying to collect a few things. The tiny kit of medical supplies her ma keeps hidden behind the sink for when her da gets rough, a few old scraps of rag destined to be chucked sooner or later, and a bowl of lukewarm water. Content with her finds, she darts back to her room.

Thankfully, Riff has actually listened and done as he’d told, perched on the edge of the bed, though he is looking around curiously, taking in the new surroundings. There’s not that much of a mess, not really, a spare sock here, an old magazine there, a hair ribbon strewn across her dresser. Nothing interesting certainly, and his eyes snap to her as she enters, a hint of thinly veiled surprise in his expression as she kneels down in front of him, reaching for his hand. Slowly, warily, he places his hand in hers.

His knuckles aren’t actually too bad, once she’s cleaned away some of the mess. Granted, there are a few bigger scrapes that make her dig out the little pot of cream her ma sometimes uses for cuts, but there’s no real need for bandages. Not that she has all that many anyway, so it’s probably for the best that she doesn’t need to use them. Quietly, she rinses out the cloth, before glancing up at his face. He’s staring right back at her, blue eyes somehow both intense and soft at the same time. For as long as she’s known him- four years now? – he’s always been intense. Not in a bad way, she’s used to it, it’s just who Riff is. And though she would never admit it...she does think he’s kind of cute.

Slowly, unsure how he’ll respond, she raises her hand to cup his cheek. He just stares without speaking, so delicately she dabs at the smear of blood beneath his nose. It’s not broken, as far as she can tell, but it is beginning to bruise a little, purple and blue across milk bottle white. He watches her the entire time. Finally, she sets the rag aside.

“All clean.”

Velma offers him a tentative smile, and Riff returns it, but just as it seems he’s about to say something, there’s an all too familiar heavy thudding on the front door and a vicious roar.

“OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!!!”

Jumping back a little, Velma glances from the door, to Riff, to the window, before shoving him in the direction of the latter with a hissed “go!”. Without looking back, she darts from the room as fast as she can. Pa doesn’t like to be kept waiting after all.

When she returns to her room, the window is open, a soft breeze blowing against her curtains, and Riff is gone. So is the ribbon she’d left sitting on the dresser.

2.

It’s decided: Velma does not like hospitals.

What she especially doesn’t like though is how small Riff looks in the hospital bed, or how the sheets make his already pale complexion look practically translucent. This isn’t right. He shouldn’t be here. It shouldn’t have come to this. The thought of nearly losing him is enough to bring tears right back to her eyes all over again.

He’s lucky to be alive. That’s what the doctors told them, but it haunts Velma more that he’d even done it in the first place. That he’d felt the need to. For more than the first time in her life, she wishes that they could all just steal away, find some far away place where nothing and no one can ever get at them or hurt them, ever again. Somewhere peaceful, somewhere free. She wishes she could save him from everything, including his own mind.

As it is, she’s spent every spare minute that the hospital will allow (as well as quite a few that they don’t) by his side, his hand clasped tightly in hers. He shouldn’t be alone, she’s said. Besides, he hasn’t exactly got any blood family coming to be by his side any time soon. Tony’s been here plenty too though, just like she has. They’re the only family that matters.

It’s not going to be easy, getting him back on his feet. There’s damage there, and it’s going to take a lot of work. But they’ll get there, she’s sure they will. She won’t give up on him, she would never give up on him. She loves him, and sure, some people might laugh and say that it won’t last, that it’s just young love, puppy love, that they’ll grow apart in time, but they’re wrong. They’re wrong, her and Riff’ll last forever, of that she’s absolutely certain. One day, maybe, they’ll have their own place, and Tony can come round to visit. She doesn’t mind where it is, so long as she’s with Riff.

When Velma looks up from where she’s had her head ducked down to press a kiss to his knuckles, blue eyes are looking back at her, hazy with pain and medication, but undoubtedly alive. She sniffles a little, but she forces a smile onto her face, reaching up to cup his cheek and to brush a strand of hair out of his eyes.

“It’s okay Hardie...it’s all going to be okay.”

3.

Rumbles always leave Velma a little on edge.

It’s not that she thinks Riff can’t fight- she knows he’s a scrapper, he always has been – and she knows it’s important to him to defend the Jets and their turf, but she worries nonetheless. Worries that he’ll get unlucky, that he’ll end up fighting the wrong person, or that things will escalate too far. That something will happen, and Krupke will drag him off and lock him up somewhere. Until he’s back in her arms, Velma knows she won’t be able to settle for the night.

She already has some things sitting ready to clean him up, because win or lose, he’s likely to come back with bloody knuckles and more bruises and cuts than he can count, and she’ll need to patch him up before he even considers going near her bed so they can curl up and get some sleep.

Finally, after it seems like she’s just about to wear a hole in the floor from her pacing, a familiar face appears at her window, pausing before climbing through, thankfully steady on his feet, and she rushes to him, quickly looking him up and down. He’s come off better this time than last. His lip’s split, a thin trail of blood trickled down his chin, and he’s got a hell of a shiner already brewing, but beyond that she can only really see a handful of superficial cuts and bruises and nothing else. Thank God.

“We stomped ‘em, Vel! Emeralds won’t be botherin’ us no more, we seen to that!”

Riff grins at her, and she clucks her tongue fondly, leaning up on her tiptoes to press a kiss against his cheek before she speaks again, her hand resting against her chest, “Good. Everybody get home safe?”

He nods, “Little Moly got a bit of a batterin’, but Ice is looking after him, and Diesel’s doin’ the rounds to make sure everybody else gets home without too much bother.”

His response satisfies her. They’ve known Diesel for years, and if there’s anyone they can trust to make sure that everyone gets back without any issue, it’s Diesel. No-one fucks with Diesel, though he’s a real teddy bear when you get to know him. With that concern safely set aside, she can focus on her boyfriend a little better.

“Sit.”

It’s a little feeling of déjà vu, him sitting on the edge of her bed, her cleaning him up, because they’ve been here so many times before. This time at least her job is mercifully simple, though she does make sure to kiss every bruise she finds ever so delicately. As she finishes, he gently tugs her up to stand between his knees, his hands resting on her hips, craning his neck up a little to kiss her. Velma hums softly, one hand moving to toy with his hair for a moment before pulling back.

“C’mon. Let’s go to bed.”

4.

Velma really, really hates hospitals.

She’d always prayed that she would never end up back in one in a situation like this, and yet here she is, just like she was all those years ago. Except this time, Riff is sleeping off a stab wound, the Jets have fallen to pieces, and Tony won’t be coming to visit, because Tony is dead. The world is cruel. There’s no way she’s ever going to be able to look Mouthpiece in the eye ever again, never mind feel safe being in the same room as him. Grazie is still sobbing over Tony, hasn’t stopped, and Velma is alone in the hospital. Baby John has been in a few times- his ma is a nurse, and has bent the rules for them more than once- but he can only stay so long.

For nearly the past year, she’s been telling herself that splitting from Riff was the right thing to do, even though in her heart she still loves him. Now she’s not so sure. Now, a boy she’d once thought of as sweet and gentle and caring has committed such an incredibly vile act, and the boy who owns her heart (who will always own her heart) and has her name tattooed on his wrist is lying in a hospital bed with several stitches in his chest.

Her world is upside down, but god knows she loves him.

The worst thing is that there’s so little she can actually do. Everything is in such disarray, Grazie hasn’t even come anywhere near the hospital, and all she’s been able to do is sit and pray that she won’t lose Riff too. She can’t lose him, she just can’t, there’s no way that she would be able to cope without him. The thought of a life without ever being able to see that cocky smirk again, or the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, or feel his hand card through her hair...it just doesn’t even bear contemplating.

But that’s not going to happen, she tells herself. Riff’s going to be fine, he’s going to recover, and get out of hospital, and they’re going to figure this all out. They’ll get by, the way they always have, and maybe, just maybe, life will finally choose to smile kindly on them for once.

For now though, Velma won’t leave his side, not if she can help it. Quietly, she takes his hand, raising it to kiss the inside of his wrist where her own name lies in stark lettering.

They’re going to be alright.

5.

It’s amazing just how much life can change in the space of a few short years.

Granted, it’s been a chaotic few years, but Velma doesn’t regret a single moment of it. In truth, leaving the city had been the best decision that they had ever made. They have a home now here, not a shitty little apartment, but a home, with rooms and windows and a garden with a green clothesline. The air is clean, and they’ve got little flowerbeds, and it’s not perfect, but it’s as close as they might ever hope to get. It’s like a dream.

Humming to herself, Velma smiles contentedly as she ducks into one of the rooms. Nellie is still fast asleep, the two year old curled around the teddy that’s almost as big as she is. Velma still remembers all too well when it was almost twice her size. Her baby is growing up, far too fast for her liking, and her little personality is showing more and more by the day, bright and bubbly and sassy. Fond, Velma stoops to kiss her forehead and brush some dark blonde hair from her face, before leaving her to sleep. She’ll be up and awake soon enough, and no doubt causing havoc, so she’ll take the peace while she can get it. Standing upright, she takes a moment to rest her hand on her slowly forming bump. Six months time, and Nellie will be a big sister. The thought is both terrifying and exciting all at once, though she suspects Riff is stressing out about it more than she is.

Speaking of her husband, Riff isn’t up yet, which is a little unusual. Most mornings he’s awake before her- although admittedly morning sickness has had her winning that race more often lately- but he’d still been dozing when she’d dragged herself out of bed this morning. As she continues along the hallway, she hears a short cough, and understanding dawns on her.

It doesn’t take her long to double back to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and to grab the bottle of cough medicine from the cabinet. It doesn’t surprise her that Riff has gotten sick- Nellie had been down with the cold just last week, and while she’d been clingy with both of them, there’d been a solid two days where she had wanted absolutely no one but her daddy, and had been glued to his side at every available opportunity.

Pushing the door open, Velma smiles softly as she sees her husband sitting propped up in bed and looking a little worse for wear. A few steps has her perching on the edge of the sheets beside him, setting the tea on the little bedside table and pressing the cough bottle into his hands before kissing his cheek.

“You’ll get sick,” Riff grumbles, and she can hear the concern in his voice, see the way his eyes flicker to her barely there bump with worry.

“We got a clingy, germy toddler in the house, Hardie, it comes with the territory. I’ll be fine, I promise.”

He doesn’t look entirely convinced, but he is abated for the meantime, and takes the medicine without (too much) complaint, his arm wrapping around her waist so she can lean into him a little bit. For a sweet moment, the two of them just drink in the peace and quiet, holding each other close until...

“Mama!”

And that’s her cue. Tilting her head to peck him gently on the lips, Velma brushes a curl from his eyes before getting to her feet. Toddlers aren’t exactly known for their patience after all, and Nellie is certainly a prime example in that regard.

“Drink your tea...I love you Hardie.”

“I love you too Softie.”

[castle-dominion]

4x2 heroes & villains (https://scriptline.livejournal.com/40160.html)

I like how the transcript calls him "creepy guy" even tho we get his name Watched this ep with my older bro. He has a lot to say about jewish comic artists & police interference.

*Deep male voice* wouldn't the creep be weirded out seeing someone dressed like that? *casually cuts the guy's hand off* *somehow able to cut him in half even tho that's not exactly possible* (actually I just wasted time researching & watching videos, idk if it is possible to cut someone in half if they are standing up, but u can cut em crosswise for sure.)

Why that knife rick? RC: I seem to remember asking you to make me an E.T. Halloween costume and you told me you didn't know how to sew. MR: Details. Besides, you were 32 at the time. The point is, proper wardrobe helps an actor connect to the words. (won't clip)

Poor rick, he just wants his daughter Lol I skipped my grad, ran & hid by climbing up a giant storage crate. So valid bestie (password sharing) MR: Lady Beckett, my lord. Richard, are you crying? RC: No, it's the onions. RC, next scene: Okay, I'll admit, it wasn't just the onions, not completely. I mean, she's gonna be gone in a few months. My little girl. (could clip but I'm low on time)

[They approach the body halves, covered in yellow plastic on either side of a pool of blood, feet sticking out.] Lanie <3

Ok so what kind of steel is it? A lot of japanese steel will actually break or chip if it hits bones, so it might not be best for chopping someone in half but it definitely broke off

Swords are so good so cool. JE: Tyler Ferris. He just got out of Sing Sing a year ago for sexual assault. KB: Okay, we got any witnesses? JE: Yeah. The girl he was in the middle of assaulting oof (I shouldn't find that funny, I know it is tragic & it really sucks, but I'm allowed to find humour in my pain & past.)

Poor gal still has blood all over her She's right lol Lol the "touche"

Love mrs ferris Don't get me wrong. I never expected my boy to end up in two hunks, but I always knew one day he'd end up there laying on a slab. KB: Do you know if he was involved in anything that might've gotten him killed? Ferris: Well, I certainly expect so. Is "ship coming in" a figure of speech?

KB: Ma'am, um, I'll need the names of all the enemies your son may have had. Ferris: You're gonna need a bigger pad.

As cops, Ryan is right. As people, Esposito is right. JE: Well, maybe a sword is a justice system. So true bestie.

KR: This other guy have a name? JE: Yeah. Tony Valtini. *KR perks up* This guy's got a record, too. KR: Damn right, he does!!! (won't clip) I remember Valtini from back in Narcotics. The guy is totally Mobbed up. You know what else, his family owns this meat packing plant out in Jersey. Tony's nickname: Tony the Butcher. JE: I bet he split a few sides of beef in his day. except you usually split the sides carefully, not with one big swing. ugh this is going to be a long episode if I keep bringing up culinary school.

TV: I am a legitimate businessman. Castle it's not funny. KB: You never reported an attack. TV: I don't like to be a burden on law enforcement.  *casually shucks his pants*

(just one buttock) JE: The sword of justice, bro. It's going to end up being esposito. (NEW FANFIC IDEA BABES) (ryan & his signature mug. it's the little things in the show) Mum & lil bro watch superhero shows so this episode was great with the two of them the hero (probs not super) looks definitely very male

KB: She didn't think that we'd believe her. And, quite frankly, she's right. probs delusional, probs right. Def has something going on castle. reminds me of the time the school got a mascot & then the two furries in the school accidentally outed themselves to each other bc they recognized the work. Castle writer moments, & he's not too far wrong red marune is so adorable I love him. isn't that redundant? LARRYBOY ryan *watching the caskett argument from the distance* cyclist *gives rick a delivery in the middle of the bullpen*

Ryan really is becoming castle jr, the nicknames on the wiki were right Just marvel? No dc no dark horse no anything else? I just listed the mainstream ones. Castle was quick putting together that vigilante board (need to pic this) JE: *sus* KR: *interested* JE: they're make believe KB: All driven by the death of a father or loved one Gates is kind of right But then Castle actually had a point Castle chill XD

RC: hardcore skjdflsdkfsljdk KB: Elektra RC: Ah. A ruthless assassin who hides from her emotions. KB: No, maybe it's because she's got badass ninja skills.

RC: Ah. Try billionaire industrialist Bruce Wayne, A.K.A. The Dark Knight. He's brooding, he's handsome, and he has all the coolest toys. You are the billionare non-cop crime solver, castle. (won't clip) (lol I had my french keyboard on so my apostrophe didn't show up at first)

I love mike hoover. Well castle wasn't the one who actually wrote the graphic novels, heh. kind of a chronically online nerd but I love him so so much. Love his hat too. Which one?

There is a T in vigilanTe (I used to say vigilanté but now I say vigilantie like everyone else) Nice, webcomics. Unless the hero is the writer babes

JE: Yeah, well, whoever he is, I can't connect him to any swords either. I pray we nail this dude before I have to call every store on that list. KR: I thought you were kind of rooting for this guy? JE: That's when he was Joe Citizen taking it to the bad guys. Now he's just some nimrod in a suit. (making espt call a bunch of stores) KR: Ah. You gotta give him props for spirit, though, right? I mean, haven't you ever wanted to be a superhero? Going out there, prowling the city, knocking some heads? JE: I do that now.  ew cops & their hero complexes. castle acab moments. (but still clipping)

did CSU not find it? Why is it perfectly timed that lone ranger aka LR is here rn? (looks like he could be a woman in theory) hella cool parkour tho Fun timing esposito calling right then. Has he been called espo yet? I don't much like the name. I feel like "sito" are the stressed syllables. (dw dm, he gets called Zito/'Sito later.) Also in her phone he's just esposito, no first name? Also why didn't she just decline the call? Espt talkin p slow today huh.

lmao I love this kid so much. He's so silly & adorable. superheroes have a billion different villains bc they had to start putting them in jail with cops & there was never allowed to be any tragedy or escapes where the villain got away. or so big bro says Chad: My father's in miami

Neither would lone vengence! Comic book characters aren't real, okay? I love chad he's so adorable & sweet I was about ready to hang up my tights for good "lone" Poor chad. There are def going to be A Ton of these characters. Remember Jumping Jack? & Mere do well?

GATES I told the Mayor we had our man. BECKETT Yeah well, you shouldn't have done that. GIRL YOU SAID THAT TO HER FACE IN THAT TONE

Not looking at the writer?

castle printed them out? Alexis is so pretty Did she ever get that motorcycle/scooter Mum got classes that would count to dad's drama minor or philosophy major that also counted to her education major or whatever mum's minor was, & she got classes that would count credits for her major+minor but would also count for her friend's major. But anyway ew math castle isn't wrong but like... AC: Why does everything I do have to make sense? Why can't I just do what I want once in awhile? That's all you ever do.

That's some intense yoga. Yk, yoga is not just workouts, not just funny positions & stretching, not just low impact training, yoga has a spiritual component to it & it makes me just a bit upset that ppl don't even know that let alone respect it.

FInally anagram I was right! trace the IP or smth?

wait the captions said faris this time. is it ferris or faris? the transcript has both lol THE WHAT NOW COMICS I was not expecting slutty schoolgirl comics to make an appearance here. Mild mannered is "out of the ordinary" for him lol. Mom: He was different. Wore a suit. Castle: As in, mask and cape? Mom: Jacket and tie

oh yeah a crime reporter? Definitely ryan sounds like castle rn i love it KB: *sips coffee* JE: *watching from the phone* RC: *raises eyebrow* RC: The student has become the master. Or at least, he tried. Actually, for a truly Castle-esque theory, it has to be fully thought through. (yk I might clip this) KB: Since when? KR: I did think it through! (mr detective man) *ryan & castle bouncing off each other now* (I said a bit ago that castito & ryckett were decent but now I'm looking at especkett & rystle & have been often this season during my normal watch through. idk anyone's ship names I'm making them up every time I say one & they often sound bad or end up different esp with esposito bc his name is twice as long as anyone else's)

man's a FULL ass hero tyvm! (tho only a half assed superhero bc superpowers don't exist) RC: Hmm. That is one block away from Comicadia. JE: Mm KR: Mm

I love the comic bro kid

VG: Really. Our killer's a writer? RC: Well, writers can be men of action. VG: I've yet to see that, Mr. Castle. VG: So, he's a journalist like Peter Parker? KB: Actually, Peter Parker was a news photographer. RC: Yeah, our guy's a little more like, uh, Clark Kent. And he's mild mannered, just like I…predicted. VG: *the look* I like how gates at least communicates with becks this time.

PW: That's just a--a character I create. It's not someone real.

I'm sure he can still write comics from prison... Left-handed Castle writer moments

Hand was before...

protecting someone obv RC: Because Paul is protecting the real killer. Paul is the writer, Lone Vengeance is the subject. That's their relationship. (to Beckett) It's you and me, all over again. But I'm Paul and you're Lone Vengeance. KB: Really, Castle? Is that how you see me? Like a sword wielding killer? (No, a crime fighting machine!) RC: Depends. Will you be scantily clad? KB: In your dreams. (probably will be tbh) JE: Not to rain on your comic book fantasy, (clipping) Esposito's shirt is so boring. Personally I would wear it but not to work. Collarless long sleeve, neutral colour

wall's obv a fake bro. remember the magician's lair? Oh wait it isn't even a secret room it's a thing of swords & that's it LV def looks like they don't need to be male rn & dun dun dun a woman & dun dun dun it's a cop

Ryan's shirt is ugly & he doesn't have a tie. Why?

KR: Can you believe it? Lone Vengeance, sword wielding killer, ends up being one of our own. JE: I don't know. Maybe she had her reasons. KR: Whoa. "Maybe she had her reasons"? What happened to" nimrod in a suit"? (after "woah nimrod? what happened to sword of justice?") JE: Well that's before I knew she was a cop. wow acab much

her being a cop is cool, she WOULD know how to clean the blood up, probably, AH: Someone killed my dad. Nothing'll ever be enough. But doing what I do makes me feel better. I respect it actually, I can see it, & the mirror with beckett is great

BECKETT You crossed the line, Ann. HASTINGS Don't pretend like we're so different. BECKETT Let's talk about Tyler Faris. HASTINGS Didn't you lose your mom? BECKETT We're not here to discuss that. HASTINGS Didn't you shoot the guy who killed her right here in this precinct? The bullet that you took, isn't that connected to her murder, too? Because that's the rumor. BECKETT I am not like you! I didn't chop a man in half! HASTINGS Neither did I.

AH: It wasn't from my suit. And the only reason I wanted it was to figure out who's behind this. she's a cop so it's cool she canvasses & learns & is friends with a crime beat fellow, I would watch a spinoff of those two. Or a mini series. I've said, castle could have used a few mini series episodes.

good ep bro but I was working or writing when castle went to turn the board over & beckett just Stopped Him like "no hun, we're not doing that rn" (or it was the ghost hunting the ring episode)

When did they grab the cousin's prints?

KB: Ann, you're a good cop. And you've got somebody who cares about you. Don't be so driven by the past that you throw away your future. Take care.

RC: Well, a murder solved and a notorious hoodlum off the streets for good. I call that a solid win. VG: I agree. All because of the hard work and dedication of this team. RC: Thank you, Captain. That means a lot. VG: Of police officers. (XD) Team of police officers, Mr. Castle. Detective, about Officer Hastings. She, uh, fled the alley when you ordered her to stop. Some reason you're not pressing any charges? KB: VG: I think that, given the number of folks wearing that costume, we can't prove that it was her in that alley. Or anywhere else, for that matter. (I thought she was very by-the-book) KB: Exactly, sir. VG: She's a promising officer. That said, it'd be bad for all of us if Lone Vengeance were to show up ever again. KB: I don't think that that will be a problem, sir.

RC: Either she just grew a heart… KB: Or she's worried about how it would look if the press found out that Lone Vengeance was one of our own.

RC: A writer and his muse, fighting crime. Just like us. *paul & ann kiss* Caskett: *awkward* (clipping)

RC: You know, even when you were a little girl, you were a serious person. I think I've just gotten used to you being sensible and mature. Even more than me sometimes. AC: Sometimes? RC: Point taken.

Emotional family moments, dad moments, advice, & so much cute stuff! love love love!

AC: I know. Especially if we move in together. RC:

I don't think I have time for another one today. Sad.

[majestyeverlasting]

Can you do a drabble with the prompts “come to bed” and “thank you for taking care of me”?

Of course! I really enjoyed writing this.

I've Got You

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Life's always sweeter when you're by each other's side.

Word Count: 1k

A/N: Part 2 of me failing to write a drabble.

The warm water pelting down on him nearly drowns out the tune he’s humming. He doesn’t recognize what song it is, but he reckons it’s something he used to know. After lathering the shampoo into his hair for a little while longer, he turns around to rinse it out. The suds are thick as they run down the expanse of his back, and just as he’s about to start humming a new verse, the bathroom door opens and he quiets. The sound of the last fleeting notes makes a small smile grace your lips. At least he’d found it within himself to sing, even if it was without words. He hadn’t said much when he first came home from his mission.  

“It’s me. I’m just getting your clothes,” you announce. Over the gentle rush of the water, you could almost hear a small sound of acknowledgement. You grunted softly as you bent down to collect his shirt, pants, and a few articles of tactical gear. “I’m gonna go put this stuff in the laundry room, okay? Holler if you need anything.” 

You’re too good to him. He stares down at his feet, watching as the water finally runs free of any suds. You haven’t left yet. He can hear you shifting and tinkering around. When you do eventually leave, he moves with more purpose as he cleans the rest of himself. He wants to be near you—needs to be near you. Rather than allotting himself the time to simply stand under the spray at the end of his shower, he cuts the water off as soon as there’s no more soap on him, and grabs his towel to begin drying off. After stepping out, he decides to brush his teeth to get it out of the way. 

You’re not there by the time he saunters into the bedroom, so he puts on his pajamas to the tune of his own thoughts. Most of them were repetitive. Either relating to the week he’d just spent in Europe, or the upcoming meeting Tony called for at the Compound. But, even then, they managed to circle back to you. In spite of everything that happened and all that was to come, he was home. And here, with you, he could breathe. 

His back is turned when you enter the room. And he can tell that you’re trying to tread lightly, so he doesn’t turn around to acknowledge you; he’s curious to see what you plan on doing. When you wrap your arms around him and nuzzle into his back, he nearly melts. Your fingers slip under the hem of his shirt to brush over his stomach for no particular rhyme or reason. But he likes it and wouldn’t mind if you never stopped. 

“Feeling better?” you asked softly. 

Bucky nods before realizing he should actually speak. You’ve spoiled him by being so in tune with his nonverbal cues. “Yeah,” his voice is a little gruff around the edges. “Missed you.” 

You squeeze him tighter. “I missed you too. I’ll sleep better now that I have my personal heater back.” He huffs out a laugh, and you’re reminded that one of the best feelings in the world is the gentle shake of his shoulders. “Want me to get your hair?” 

“Sure.” You use the hair tie resting on the dresser to put his damp hair into a low bun. He turns around when you're finished, and his eyes flutter when you brush your thumb over the scratch that’s already beginning to scab on his cheek. A disapproving furrow forms between your brows, and he bites back a smile. You regarded every new mark on his skin with the same distaste. After all these years, it felt good that you cared in that way. 

He turns his head to kiss your hand. “I’m alright.” 

“Still.” You cup his cheek and press your lips to his. A low hum vibrates through his chest. You pull away after giving him one last peck, and he watches you move to pull the covers back on the bed. 

Bucky walks to his side and follows suit, wasting no time climbing in. It’s only a couple hours past sunset, but the two of you always turn in fairly early when he comes back home from missions. Even if that just means laying in bed talking until sleep takes you under. He’s expecting you to climb in alongside him, but you turn to head off elsewhere. At first, it looks like you plan on leaving the room altogether. His response is more of a knee jerk reaction than anything. 

“Where’re you going? Come to bed,” his voice is so sincere it makes you smile. 

“The bathroom. I've gotta take care of my personal hygiene too, Buck. Can I do that?” You give him a playful tilt of your head. 

“Yeah, doll. Sorry. I just—sorry.” He laughs at himself and shakes his head. 

“I’ll leave the door open so you can see me, how ‘bout that? I promise I’m not running away.” You’re just trying to make his cheeks grow warm now—and they do. But even as he settles into bed, he takes advantage of the door being open, shooting occasional glances your way as you move through your night routine. 

When you finally do crawl into bed, you press minty kisses all over his face and down his neck until his eyes are squinted and he’s trying his best to keep breathy chuckles from pouring from his mouth. And when he manages to turn the tables on you, you’re worlds more undignified in your pleading. You’re still giggling and swatting at him when he pulls away, and he takes your hand to press amused kisses to your palm. 

Your breaths eventually even out and you find yourself laying there, gazing into his eyes. It feels good to have him by your side again. 

“I needed that laugh.” You can hear the earnesty in his voice.  

“Glad I could be of service.” 

A short silence stretches between you before he speaks again, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“I’ve got you and you’ve got me.”

-

Thanks for reading!

[ivandra-winters]

The Markiplier Connected Universe, and How To Understand The Characters Using Hadestown: An Analysis

Ever since In Space: Part One aired, I’ve been hyperfixating on the story and characters of the Markiplier Connected Universe. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about The Actor, Celine, The DA, the Entity, and the theory of them all being trapped in stories that The Actor controls. Granted, the recent explanation livestream has for the most part discarded the idea that the With Markiplier series are all stories that The Actor is in control of, but given the content of DAMIEN, we can still run with the idea of them all being trapped in The Actor’s stories. My hyperfixation on the MCoU (Markiplier Connected Universe) ran along side what is a constant fixation in my mind: the music and themes of the Tony Award Winning show Hadestown. For those who don’t know, Hadestown is a retelling of the Greek myths Orpheus and Eurydice and Hades and Persephone; the show has the two relationships act as direct parallels to one another in a very powerful and moving way with their respective relationships impacting the lives of everyone involved. If you ever have the time, I highly recommend at least listening to the Original Broadway Cast recording on YouTube.

Disclaimer: the parallels I draw in this analysis are not meant to be seen as Mark's intention, nor inspiration. This is merely a way for me to share with you some cool similarities between two of my favorite bits of media at the moment, as well as help explain some of the character motivations we see (particularly when it comes to Actor). This analysis also operates under the theory of Actor being in control of the stories we see these characters in, be it true or not.

Now, you may be wondering how I could possibly draw parallels between a collection of YouTube Original series and characters from a Youtube channel and a Tony-Award-Winning musical. It’s quite simple: it all started- as many things often do- at the beginning. Or, in this case, the explanation livestream of Who Killed Markiplier. I was watching it in preparation for In Space when I came across the description that Mark used for how the Entity in the mansion works. He described as whispering in your ear, making you think that the ideas it’s giving you are actually your own ideas; how it preys on your worst qualities in order to get you to listen to it and do what it wants you to.

His description of the Entity then immediately reminded me of how The Fates are described in Hadestown: “always singing in the back of your mind”. It was at that moment that I was able to gain a better understanding of it. In Hadestown, the real antagonists are The Fates as they are oftentimes the ones that set things in motion: they torment Eurydice and convince her to accept Hades’ offer (despite her love for Orpheus) by preying on her hunger, they plant seeds of doubt in Orpheus that they later dredge up against him, they give Hades the idea to put the outcome of Orpheus’ journey to the underworld into his own hands (who then presents it like its his own to Hermes). It’s because of The Fates that Eurydice abandons Orpheus to go to Hadestown, and it’s because of The Fates that Orpheus is overcome by his doubt to the point where he ends up losing Eurydice forever. The Entity acts in the exact same way: it tells Mark to plot his revenge against William, tells him to steal his body, gets him to amend his plan when Celine comes in, etc. And it is from this connection that I was able to see the similarities between Hades and The Actor.

For those unfamiliar with Hadestown, one of the main conflicts in the show is the crumbling relationship between Hades and Persephone. They no longer remember what it was like to be young and in love, and this is shown by the songs Epic II and Chant where it depicts Hades as having been hardened by the time he spends alone in the underworld. He's described as being fueled by jealousy and doubt in his wife which then causes him to make changes to the underworld that try to compensate for what he believes Persephone loves about the world above: it's brighter and warmer there. So when Persephone confronts him on these changes (In the coldest time of year, why is it so hot down here?), he rationalizes at it being for her and that it was because he missed her so terribly rather than it being him trying to compensate for what he views as shortcomings of the underworld (Lover, you were gone so long; lover, I was lonesome...).

Now, there's not a lot that we know about the relationship between Actor and Celine before she ran off with William, but there's something that clearly changes between them during their time together. William alludes to this when he's giving his dramatic witness statement in WKM when he says, "My name is Markiplier now! Just look at all my money!", implying that the name change wasn't the only change that came along with Mark's profession as an actor. And while that might be just William's anger talking, there's more than likely a basis for his words. It's likely that Celine and Actor eventually got to a point in their relationship similar to Hades and Persephone where Actor started doing things that Celine didn't ask for/didn't approve of that Actor rationalized as being done for her. These two lines from Hadestown and DAMIEN solidify this similarity than these:

Hades: Lover, everything I do/I do it for the love of you

Actor: I GAVE UP EVERYTHING FOR HER!

In addition to these two lines, a variation of a lyric from Hades also draws a clear parallel between the two of them:

So, what does all this mean? Well, it means that if you want to understand The Actor's motivations more, then look to Hades. While they're not entire parallels, the two characters share the same pain of their wives leaving them to some capacity, as well as being manipulated by outside forces. In Act 2 of Hadestown, when Orpheus manages to remind the gods of their love and asks Hades if he and Eurydice can leave, The Fates step in and influence his thoughts to where his solution- to have there be a condition to their release that will most likely end up in Orpheus' failure- comes directly from The Fates themselves (Give 'em the rope, and they'll hang themselves!). Both men end up making decisions that result in tragedy from the direct influence of outside forces that work to manipulate and torment everyone involved.

Now that we have them sorted out, let's move on to their wives.

I will be honest and say that unlike Actor and Hades, there's not a lot that can be drawn between the characters of Celine and Persephone. The main reason is that by the end of their respective stories, the relationships with their husbands are the polar opposite of each other: where Persephone is reminded of the love she has for Hades, Celine wants to just body Actor and be done with it. However, there is a similarity between them in that they're known for leaving their husbands (although Persephone's leaving is more routine and necessary and Celine's is definitely more of a betrayal). There's also similarities between them in terms of the decent of their relationship in which Persephone frequently rejects the 'gilded cage' of Hadestown that her husband has made for her as she doesn't view that as what love really is. In the New York Workshop version of the show, Persephone gets this set of refrains in Chant II:

"Take it from a woman of my age/Love is not a gilded cage/All the wealth within these walls/Will never buy the thing called 'love'

Love was when he came to me/Begging on his bended knees/To please have pity on his heart/And let him lay me in the dirt

I felt his arms around me then/We didn't need a wedding bed/Dark seeds scattered on the ground/The wild birds were flying around

That's when I became his wife/But that was in another life/That was in another world/When I was a young girl"

I think that these refrains could possibly describe the time period early on in Celine and Actor's marriage when they were happily married, before Actor started to change. But outside of this, there can't be other parallels because quite simply, things have gotten too broken between Celine and Actor due to what the Actor did for Celine to be able to forgive him.

But now, let's move on to the character that I feel embodies my favorite Hadestown character: The DA and Eurydice.

Now, the DA holds parallels between Orpheus and Eurydice for quite a few reasons. At their story, they've been left behind in the mirror by the amalgamation we all know as Darkiplier. And while it's unclear as to whether or not they're taken to the void that they were in after William shot them, what is clear is that the DA is left in the manor. This heavily reminds me of how Eurydice gets sent back to Hadestown at the end of the show when Orpheus turns around to see if she's still there: both characters get turned on by people they deeply trusted (Eurydice by Orpheus, and the DA by Damien). But the parallels don't stop there.

If we assume that The Captain from In Space is indeed the DA from WKM, then the character progression of the DA is also similar to Eurydice. By the end of Hadestown, Eurydice goes from seeing the world as it is and finding little hope outside of what she needs to survive to completely seeing the world as it could be to where she would trust Orpheus to lead her back with absolute confidence in him. And we see something similar happen with the DA: they start out abandoned with little in the ways of hope and ends up making a deal that ensures their survival, just as Eurydice does, to not giving up on Engineer!Mark to the point where they’re willing to brave endless universes if it means finding him again and getting him to see what he’s done. As The Head Engineer says himself: “I guess I gave up hope. But you didn’t…you never did.”

And that concludes my analysis! Again, this is just my opinion and I in no way, shape, or form believe that Mark intended any of these similarities, much less knew about them. This is just something I’ve been thinking about for a while that’s allowed me to understand what Mark has said about the series as a whole, how there’s no intended villain and that these are all just stories about people making mistakes. Because that’s exactly what Hadestown is about: people making mistakes and hurting each other but they end up forgiving each other in the end. And in both stories, there’s a emphasis on hope and how the world could be much better if we allow ourselves to see how it could be despite the bad things.

As Orpheus says:

To the world we dream about…and, the world we live in now.

[stagemanagerssaygo]

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney’s Hyperion Theater

by Cooper Howell

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney's Hyperion Theater. #holdingtheateraccountable Im just gonna go ahead and be straight up. This is pretty scary to share. HEAVEN: Once upon a time Liesl Tommy cast me as Prince Hans in Frozen: Live at the Hyperion. And I was gooped. GOOPED. There was nothing in my prior history that gave any indication this was possible. Up until then every role I played had to do with my race. Every. Single. One. And even ones where it didn’t (Shakespeare or classical pieces mostly) I was always made aware that the novelty of me being a poc in that role that gave me the part. So much did I not expect to get this part that when I got the callback I rolled my eyes and didn’t take the actual callback seriously. I mean, there was a zero percent chance that Disney would ever let me play a Prince, especially when the dude in the movie is a ginger. But then I got it. And immediately everything I thought was possible about my career changed. My whole life I’ve never inwardly felt black. I’ve never inwardly felt white. I’ve always felt like I was Cooper, you know, on the inside. But whether it was every single white human in Utah reminding me that I was “the whitest person they ever knew/saw” (which DIDNT mean how white my skin was. It was how white I ACTED) or Mr. Johnson, my 7th grade drama teacher, telling me that he “wanted to put Velcro on the ceiling to see if I’d stick” or Mr. Smith, my high school drama teacher, saying “finally we can do black shows” as soon as I entered high school and then not casting me in roles because of the "optics" of it, or even my best friend in high school Tanner Harmon who called me "blackie", I was always reminded that I was an other. So imagine getting paid good money to put on that $10,000 costume and waltzing out to 4000 people a day to play a really amazing part. A fantastic, evil, complicated, person who sings a killer duet and then grabs the show by the throat with a vicious about-face monologue... and not once was my race ever mentioned cuz it didnt matter. What was being prized was Cooper, my talent, not my skin color that I never asked for. Heaven. Liesl MADE SURE, almost overly sure, that the poc’s in the cast felt equal. The kingdom of Arendelle, after all, is a make believe place. It can be whatever. From having Disney executives come and tell us that they were happy to have us there, to side conversations with John Lasseter, we were made to feel overly welcome playing the parts we were playing. She encouraged us to dive deeper into the script of a cartoon that I didnt really think much of until I was in it. We were encouraged to ask why. We felt seen as talent and not commodities. There were, of course, detractors. Gosh, I remember people at a party of cast members from "Mickey and the Magical Map" another show at Disneyland which features a princess and the frog number and many of those casts mates angrily claiming that “if that black girl Tiana Okoye can play Elsa than I should be able to play Princess Tiana” and then looking at me to confirm that was okay to say, not realizing that a) she’s one of my best friends, b) that I’m in the show with her also playing a role that wasn't created to be a poc, c) how racist that sounded, and d) why there's a difference there and why that wouldn't make sense. On Liesls final night I came up to her and said “I don’t know why you did it but thank you so much for casting ME in this part” to which she replied “you mean why would I cast a handsome, talented person in this role?” And I stuttered something like “well, I mean, I’m black. You know...” to which she tilted her head to her side and said “no. I don’t know why. Tell me why that matters.” And I had no answer. Seeing that I had no answer she smiled. That was the answer. There was no reason. On the spot my outlook about myself changed. Windows into what I thought was possible for me opened. -------------------------------------- HELL: And then Liesl went back to NYC and she was replaced by a man named Roger Castellano as show director. Rogers task, he told us on the first day, was to "change the show". We were not told what needed to be changed or even why, but that changes were on the horizon. You've got to understand: to a full cast of actors who had just spent more than three months dissecting a 60 page Disney script with a Tony nominated director like it was Shakespeare, we were initially emotionally/mentally/spiritually resistant to changes. But then it became clear that the spirit of collaboration was over, and the show changes were to be given without the same care, consideration, and thematic explanation of why they were being made. Everyones initial reaction was to push back, but when people who questioned their notes or their changes started getting days removed their schedule or being replaced entirely by a new actor, the Hyperion theater became a place where no one was allowed to speak out. Injustices were happening left and right and no one felt they could do anything for fear of losing their livelihood. And that's when the Frozen: Live at the Hyperion became a living hell. In my first note session with Roger he pulled me into a room with Domonique Paton, my best friend and incredible costar who played princess Anna in the show I was in. She just so happens to also be black. Almost all of Prince Hans’s scenes in the show are with her character and so most of my notes would be primarily based on those interactions with her. Earlier in the day I performed with a different (white) actress but it was the show with Domonique that I had a note session about. Imagine my surprise and dismay when, with how Liesl set up the show experience, we were told this: “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER ITS TOO… URBAN.” Urban. What else could that have meant, do you think? He could have said maybe “too contemporary” emphasizing that we were maybe too modern in our speech patterns or movements. We weren’t. He could have said “too lax” or “too loose” meaning that maybe we were being unprofessional and goofy up there because we’re really good friends. We were not. The best me and Ms. Paton could think of was a 8 count moment of improv dance that me and Domonique decided to use as a synchronized moment of unity. It happened to fall on the line “our mental synchronization can have but one explanation” and thought, with the freedom that Christopher (the original choreographer) had given us, was appropriate, especially considering everyone behind us was doing the robot. As in the 80s robot. But he didnt clarify. He just said “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER IT’S TOO… URBAN” And when asked what he meant he smiled with a little shrug and said "you can figure that out. You're smart." And thats how I became Black Hans and Domonique became Black Anna. My every moment onstage afterwards became about the optics of being a poc in that show. It was if I was suddenly made aware that I was LUCKY enough to be there and under any normal circumstances, or this new directors circumstances, me getting this part would have never happened. But the message was clear. It was especially clear when me and Domonique Paton shows together durastically decreased and made even more clear when the vast majority of the new hires were not people of color. But no one said anything. And made even MORE clear when, over the next few weeks, both Domonique and I got COPIOUS notes, ten times that of our coworkers that played the same parts. It was almost a game. In fact we did turn it into a game, seeing who would get the least amount of notes from him in a day. Our costars would even joke about it onstage with us, during the ballroom scene, and jokingly whisper "The shows been up 15 minutes. How many do you think you got today?" But no one said anything. And the notes were about all kinds of things. How we held our hand. If our inflections went up or down on a word. Which side of a couch we leaned on… which was fine! When you're an actor, thats the gig... until we started comparing our notes with the actors that played our same parts and none of them, NONE, would get the same notes. Our notes would be outrageously longer, the note sessions sometimes lasting 10/15 minutes. Others would get the “Oh hey, try doing this or that next time, okay bye” walk-by notes. Sometimes I would sneak into the audience and watch as some of the other Han's, some of whom changed lines, changed entire intentions of scenes, some of whom adding in all types of vocalizations and cackles and dance moves and what have you, and would receive ZERO notes. But I was watching them to see what was wrong with me. What was my performance missing? What am I actually doing to feel this singled out. And then I realized that the thing that was wrong with me was that I was a different color than the 5 other white Hans's they cast. And then I started getting notes about my penis. Most of the time these “penis sessions”, as I called them, were given in private rooms without another stage manager present. It was incredibly unpleasant and unprofessional. In fairness, those Prince Hans pants are TIGHT! And yes, Mr. Howell is indeed a party in the front and a party in the back, but so were a lot of those fellas. And thats where I put my foot down. If Disney was going to provide me with a costume it is not my responsibility to fix their problem, especially when other of my (white) costars had been given a dance belt for the same thing. But they never got penis notes. Private session notes about what their penis looked like in that show. Over and over again I was told to fix it, to not make it (my dick) so apparent, and that “if my daughter were younger I wouldn’t want her to come to a show you were performing at" all the more insulting considering his daughter, a cast member in the show, was a friend of mine and the loveliest person. He started demanding that I buy a dance belt. It was “my fault”, “my responsibility” …and thats where I took my stand. And then it really became hell. Penis sessions were now done out in the open. Once, he screamed at me, in the green room in front of all of my costars during lunch, about how incredible unprofessional I was, about how he was tired of seeing my dick, and that if I didnt go buy myself one I didnt deserve to be there anymore. Followed by a huge litany of notes. That doesnt compare to some of what Domonique went through and I invite her to share them if she’s willing. During this time I went to every stage manager in the building and told them about being singling out and about my penis. They all told me to write a complaint report and it would go to some place called "HR". Which I did. Numerously. More months passed. Nothing from "HR". Multiple cast members who witnessed my note sessions encouraged me to go to the HR themselves. I didnt honestly know what an HR was. As soon as it was explained to me by my allies even what an HR was I went to the head of HR at Disneyland herself and waited outside of her door. I asked her if she got any of my HR reports and she told me that she had received no HR reports from the Hyperion. Ever. And then asked me to fill out a HR form. As we went over it, she asked me some questions, and then set up a second meeting. On the second meeting she said that in order for my report to be given credence I would need witnesses to give their testimony. The witnesses, in fact the very people that told me to go to HR in the first place, said no. They didnt want to lose their jobs. In retrospect that might be the thing that hurt the most but, whatever... anyway, I was told "“well… without testimonies we’ll do an investigation and we’ll call you when we’ve completed it.” I never received a phone call. With absolutely zero protection from the stage managers from both the sexual harassment or my obvious racial targeting I (and others) were experiencing, not to mention that HR reports were doing nothing, aka not being forwarded, I thought about quitting. And when a white stage manager made a show mistake and laughed it off to the cast by saying an entirely offensive lynching joke, I quit. I didnt matter to Disney. How I felt and what I was being put through didnt matter. I was a commodity. My departure was unceremonious. Bizarre. 100% un-magical. I hung up my costume one last time and it was given to a new Hans, one who looked very much like me oddly, and stepped out of the theater. The park was playing “every wish your heart desires will come to you” and I remember laughing at how dead that song felt. The director has since moved on but still works as a musical theater director in Southern California. This one time 4 years ago I got to feel something other than my color for the first and only time in my professional career. It lasted from about March 2016 to July 2016 and never again since. I will never forget in those early days looking at all the beautiful princesses I got to woo and thinking “wow. I’m a prince right now.” Im sure that sounds stupid. But it didn't feel stupid. And a Disney prince! Yeah, a shitty prince kinda... I mean, he's a sociopath... BUT still a Prince! Especially special was being able to look in Dominique’s eyes and I could see the same glimmer of “can you believe we get to do this right now” reflected back. We never knew it was in the cards for us. My race always has and will always be part of my career equation and a determining factor of its projection. It will always be a determining factor in how im treated, by creatives, by people, by the those in authority over me, including the government and the police. #wasitmyskin

Copied in its entirety here from Cooper Howell’s public Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10163696376095054&set=a.10151302685610054&type=3&theater

[the-bau-quinjet]

My Name Isn't

Summary: You find out the guys (Bucky, Steve, and Sam) have a bet as to who can kiss you first, so you confront them at Tony's team building karaoke night.

Warnings: some swearing and drinking

Word Count: 3187

a/n: This was inspired by my love of the classic using karaoke to express your feelings trope and the song My Name Isn't by LOVA. I did change the lyric "yours" into "doll" though because it made sense in the story.

"Not a chance, Wilson." Bucky rolled his eyes as Steve walked into the room, unbothered by the familiar sounds of Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes arguing.

"C'mon tin man, you afraid you're gonna lose?' Sam couldn't help but tease the super soldier.

"It's a stupid bet! Steve tell him it's a stupid bet." Bucky stared at his best friend, silently begging for him to agree.

Steve's tone could only be described as exasperated when he responded, "what is it this time?"

"I bet Barnes and Noble over here," Sam stopped talking to dodge the book Bucky threw at him, "that I could get Y/N to kiss me before he could, and he's too chicken shit to take the bet."

"It's a stupid bet!" Bucky was gearing up to throw another book when Steve chimed in. "I don't know Buck, it could get you to finally act on your feelings for her."

Bucky rolled his eyes, responding with his typical denial "I don't have any feelings, punk."

Sam and Steve shared an obvious "this man is lying" look before turning back to Bucky.

"Fine, Cap since Bucky won't take the bet, will you?" The mischievous gleam in Sam's eye shown through as Steve weighed his options.

"It is a pretty stupid bet, but I'm doing this for you Buck." Clapping Bucky on the shoulder, he turned to Sam. "I'm in." As Steve went to shake Sam's hand, Bucky gave in.

"Fine! Fine. All three of us. The first one to kiss her wins." Bucky reluctantly agreed.

"Now, what does the winner get?" Sam posed the question, mischief clear in his eyes.

-

The first time you had an inkling that something was afoot was your training with Steve and Bucky later that same day. Steve wasn't overly touchy or anything that would make you uncomfortable, this is America's Golden Boy after all, but he kept calling you "honey" or some variation of it. You'd throw a punch and rather than correcting your form in his usual commanding Captain voice, he would feed you a random compliment followed by a "try it like this hun."

You left the gym confused and with more energy than one would typically have after training with Steve Rogers. Luckily for you, Nat and Wanda noticed it too.

"What was that about?" Wanda asked as soon as the three of you were out of earshot.

"I don't have a clue." Your expression of complete confusion was enough to convince the two women you were telling the truth.

"I always thought Barnes had a thing for you. I wouldn't expect Steve of all people to try to mess that up. Especially with how obvious you are!" Nat chimed in. You've never regretted anything more than getting drunk and admitting your feelings for the brunette super soldier to the two women.

"Ugh, are the two of you ever gonna forget about that?" Your question was rhetorical as you nearly slammed the door to your room, but it didn't stop the two women from shouting "not a chance" and "only if you tell him" through the door.

-

The second time you noticed the weird behavior was the next day. You were running through some basic defense moves with some new Shield agents when Sam walked in with Bucky.

Now, normally Sam avoids you in the gym because he knows you'll kick his ass. All your time spent training with Nat mixed with your advanced perception skills meant you are a force to be reckoned with in the gym. This time though, he asked to spar before running through his typical warm up routine.

"You sure, Wilson? I wouldn't want to bruise your ego any further." You joked with him, unsure of his motives.

"Oh I'm sure, baby. Do your worst."

So you did. You had him on the mat in 4 minutes even, not letting the "baby" comment phase you until later in the night when you were with Wanda and Nat.

"First, Steve keeps calling me honey. Now Wilson is in on it with baby! What the hell is going on?'

The three of you shared identical shrugs, choosing to ignore it for now in favor of girls night.

-

Your days continued with the random comments from Sam and Steve. Of course, after the first 24 hours you noticed a pattern emerging. The two men would only use the pet names if Bucky was in the room. If Bucky couldn't overhear what was being said, everything was normal, but all bets were off if he so much as stepped in the room. It was constant affection and compliments from the two men.

You were thinking about the pattern you'd discovered, along with what it could mean, when Tony barged into the common room like a man on fire.

He surveyed the room, noting the presence of nearly every team member. The only three missing? Sam, Steve, and Bucky. You had a feeling they were most definitely up to something. "Oh perfect, most of you are here already! I have decided we don't do enough team building. Saving the world is stressful and we deserve to relax, so... drumroll please!" He waited for an extended period of time, until you, Wanda, and Vision gave him a lackluster drumroll. "That could use some work, but I'm not going to let it bring me down. We're doing karaoke! I rented out a bar for tonight, so clear your schedules ladies and gentlemen! We start at 8."

To say he was met with mixed results would be underselling the range of reactions. Nat looked ready to kill him. Thor was so excited, he reminded you of a golden retriever playing fetch. Most everybody else fell somewhere in the middle.

"Y/N, be a dear and let the three stooges know would ya? I don't know where they are and I don't feel like finding them." Tony didn't wait for a response before leaving the room just as rapidly as he entered it.

"I guess that's my cue. I'll be back and we can at least get ready together?" You looked to Nat and Wanda for confirmation before leaving to find Steve, Bucky, and Sam.

-

You checked Sam's room first because it's the closest to the common area, but there was no sign of life. Steve and Bucky's rooms sat similarly untouched. You went to the gym, the pool, the game room, and circled back to the kitchen but they were nowhere to be seen. Finally, you gave up the impromptu game of hide and seek asking FRIDAY where they were.

"FRIDAY, do you know where Steve, Bucky, and Sam are?"

"Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, and Lieutenant General Wilson are on the roof." The AI responded so fast, it had you wondering why didn't just ask her 40 minutes ago when their rooms were all empty.

"What the hell are they doing on the roof?" You huffed as you made your way back to the elevator.

"They are the discussing the terms of their bet." FRIDAY's response surprised you. You hadn't meant to actually receive an answer, but now that you did you were curious.

"What bet?" You continued the line of questioning as the elevator rose to the roof access point.

"The three made a bet to see who could get you to kiss them first."

Suddenly, all the pet names and compliments made sense.

"Son of a bi-" You cut yourself off as the elevator door opened, leading you directly to the three men in question. They turned abruptly, clearly caught off guard by anyone coming to the roof.

"Finally. I've been looking for you three everywhere!" You kept the new found information to yourself for the time being. "Tony decided we're doing karaoke tonight. We're supposed to be at the bar he rented out by 8pm." You smiled, taking in the slightly guilty expressions on each of their faces. Even if FRIDAY hadn't told you, it would be painstakingly obvious you caught them talking about you.

"Thanks doll, we'll make sure we're there." You felt the butterflies in your stomach at the pet name, but quickly shut it down. You wouldn't be giving in to their bet that easily.

"No problem, see you boys soon." You winked, pressing the button to bring you back to the main floor. You had a plan to make after all.

-

"Well, it's karaoke why don't you just sing a song to call them out on it?" Wanda suggested another idea as you all got ready to head to the bar.

"That could work. You just need the perfect song." Nat chimed in, quickly applying some mascara.

"Wanda, you're a genius, and I think I have just the one." You grinned, pulling the song up to play while you finished getting ready.

-

Upon entering the bar, you immediately started second guessing your plan. That is, until the pet names came out to play. Sam was back at it with calling you baby, and Steve right there beside him with honey.

When you put your name down to sing, Wanda and Nat were right there with you, hyping you up and providing some liquid courage. Four drinks in and you finally felt just tipsy enough to actually follow through with your plan.

With the encouraging words from Nat and Wanda playing through your mind, you walked up to the stage, pulling up your chosen song on the karaoke machine.

You decided to play the beginning of the song off as a coincidence, not wanting to clue the guys in too early.

"One, two, three have been staring at me. It's been going all night."

You made eye contact with Nat and Wanda, fully relying on the feminist in you to knock these guys down a few pegs. By the time the chorus rolled around, you were ready.

Making direct eye contact with Sam, you put as much sass as possible into the next line.

"My name isn't 'baby,' you cannot say whatever you feel like. I am not the things you call me."

Switching your target from Sam to Steve, you kept going with the performance.

"My name isn't 'honey,' I will always do whatever I feel like. Honestly, you don't know me."

Clearly the three of them realized you knew about their bet, but you were on a roll. Switching focus to Bucky, you switched up the words a little bit to put him on blast as well.

"My name isn't... doll. My name isn't... doll."

The girls must have filled in the rest of the group, because you now had Bruce, Thor, Vision, Tony, Pepper, Clint, Wanda, and Nat cheering you on. They were whopping and hollering in agreement with the lyrics.

"We ain't got the time for you messing around so cut the deal."

"Cut the deal!!" You heard Tony yelling out as an echo, shaking your head with a slight chuckle.

"So don't come here and say, 'boys will be boys.' Behind every act there's always a choice."

The three men in question at least had the decency to look ashamed of their actions. Of course, that wasn't enough for you to not put them on blast through another round of the chorus.

The high from calling them out wore off right around the line:

"Do you really think that you can get your way by playing the same game."

Singing those words made you realize exactly what just happened. You held it together, put up a front long enough to get through the last chorus. Singing the last line to Bucky, you felt like your emotions were all over your face. The annoyance that the bet existed. The pain at him being part of it. The love you'd been trying to hide. All of it felt like it was right out in the open.

"My name isn't... Doll. My name isn't, my name isn't... Doll."

You took a quick bow in thanks for all the applause, before running off the stage. You didn't stop at the table with Nat and Wanda, nor did you stop for the three men trying to apologize. You made it outside, running about five blocks before even taking in your surroundings. Noticing a McDonald's, you sent a quick prayer that the ice cream machine was actually functioning before ducking inside.

-

The team stood with mouths hanging open at your sudden departure.

"What the hell just happened?" Tony posed the question to the group, knocking them out of their stupor.

Bucky was the first to follow you outside, his panic growing when he didn't see you leaning against any of the brick walls.

"Where is she?" Steve asked, spinning in circles right alongside Bucky while the rest of the group filed out the door.

"I don't know!" Bucky turned on Steve and Sam. "I never should have agreed to that stupid bet. Dammit!" Running his hands through his hair, he took off down the street calling a quick, "I'll look this way" over his shoulder.

He moved quickly down the street, keeping his eyes peeled for your sparkly, dark red dress. He looked through the windows of the many store fronts as he passed them. About five blocks later, he was about to turn around, assuming you went a different direction when he saw the familiar golden "m". A memory from about three weeks ago was quick to flash through his mind.

The team just came back from a two and a half week mission yesterday, meaning Tony was bound to throw a party today. It went about the same as most Tony Stark parties go; a lot of schmoozing until most guests left and the team could actually let loose.

You let a little looser than normal at the after party. After the mission required you to pretend to be married to Bucky, you felt like you deserved it. It was getting harder and harder to hide your feelings from him, especially when he insisted on walking you to your room after the party.

In a last ditch effort to avoid any drunk escapades, you asked him to take you to McDonald's instead of your room.

"Please Bucky?" You asked, drawing out the words and adding a small pout for good measure. "I just want a McFlurry and some fries! Please!"

"Sure, doll. We can go to McDonald's." You jumped up and down clapping, hugging him as you praised him for being so kind.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are the nicest, most perfect man to ever live. Let's gooooo!!" He smiled at your antics, leading you to one of the many cars Tony kept stocked, not quite trusting you to ride a motorcycle at the moment.

After getting the food, the two of you ate together in the car. You, of course, insisting he try dipping the fries in the ice cream.

Reluctantly, he admitted it wasn't that bad before driving the two of you home. He dropped you off at your door, receiving a whispered "thank you" and a quick kiss to the cheek from you.

He smiled at the memory before walking inside. He found you in a booth toward the back, unsurprisingly dipping fries into your ice cream

"Y/N, I'm so sorry." You didn't even look up when he started speaking, choosing instead to study the m&ms in your dessert. "Really. It was a stupid bet. Hell, I didn't even want to do it, but then that punk and birdman teamed up against me and I couldn't let them do it without me! It would've killed me to know one of them kissed you. It was so stupid and I should've just shut it down. I'm so sorry. You deserve so much more than that." He trailed off, waiting for you to say something.

You gestured to the seat across from you, pushing some fries toward him. "It was a stupid bet."

You waited until his mouth was full before asking "Why would it have killed you?" Watching him nearly choke on his fries was oddly satisfying.

"What?" He tried to deflect the question. You shook your head, passing him a napkin.

"You said it would have killed you to know one of them kissed me. Why?" You looked him in the eye as you ate another fry.

"Well, you see, I... um, maybe have um... feelings." It was his turn to stare intently at the m&ms. He mumbled a quick "get yourself together" under his breath before continuing. "I like you. Hell, I think I love you. I don't know when it started, but suddenly you are all I can think about. I worry about you constantly when your on a mission without me, even though I know you can take care of yourself. I see little things that remind me of you everywhere. Like yesterday, I saw a buttercup on the side of the road and I couldn't stop thinking about the time you spent a good twenty minutes ranting about how spring is the worst season."

Suddenly, you were on a tangent. "Because it is! It's always raining, it's muggy, it's always freezing in the morning and way too hot in the afternoon so you have to carry all these extra layers-"

"I love you. That's why it would've killed me. I don't even want to think about you with another-"

It was your turn to cut him off, doing so by leaning across the small table to kiss him. It was quick, but you still felt fireworks.

"I love you too." Your words were sweet, but shifted when you said the rest of your sentence. "I just have one more question." The smirk on your face made him nervous, but he was more than willing to answer anything.

"What do you get for winning?"

-

After talking with Bucky, you texted Nat and Wanda to let them know you were okay and the two of you were headed back to the compound. You beat everyone else back, but decided to wait for them in the common area.

Steve and Sam came in with their heads low, struggling to make eye contact.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry. We never should have made that bet." Steve started, aware of all the eyes on him.

"Me too. It was stupid and thoughtless." Sam added on.

"It was, but you are forgiven." You reached for Bucky's hand, planting a kiss on his cheek. "Bucky told me the winner of your little bet gets to pick the music for all forms of travel on the next three missions." You grinned at their confused expressions. "Bucky, being the winner, has so graciously bestowed that gift to me now. Get ready boys. I'm talking High School Musical. Hamilton. I'll have the two of you singing Taylor Swift in the shower." You, along with the rest of the team, laughed at their expense. Their grim expressions had you smiling, "oh please, I know you secretly love it!"

"Now, I have to go to bed. I have a date tomorrow." You winked at Bucky before sauntering off down the hall, the cheers of your teammates following you.

[romanoffsbish]

Chapter 33: Atomic Reunions

Chapter 32 | Masterlist | Chapter 34 | Words: 4,149

Four months. It has been four freaking months since I got hurt, and have been benched from missions. I'm slowly losing my mind! I'm fully healed, and have been for ages. Nat's currently away on a mission with Wands, Vis, Buck and Steve right now.

She reluctantly left me alone at the apartment, as Yelena's off doing whatever it is she does... Strucker being gone doesn't mean she's completely comfortable with 'abandoning' me. Barton's currently out of town with his family, so all I really had was to be alone—well alone with Gus-Gus...

Bruce and Tony are still MIA, and Thor's gone home to help his people on Asgard.

Even though I'm not allowed in the field for another two months, I am allowed to train. So, to distract myself from the fear rising inside of me, I decide to head to the compound to utilize the gym. I desperately needed to regain some of the strength I've lost spending most of my days cuddled up with Nat, and testing out Wanda's recipes.

I jogged from our apartment to the compound, taking the thirty minute scenic route, while listening to my workout playlist with the airpods Nat had gotten me for Christmas.

As I enter, it feels like I'm not alone, and then I remember that SHIELD posts security here when it's expected to be empty.

Tony's POV

It's been four months since I had disappeared, and I had never intended to stay away for this long. I had time to process my life up to this point, and the longer I stared in the mirror, the more I realized I've done more harm than good. I've come back today, after finding that Y/N's virtually alone, so I could finally face her.

To apologize for every misstep I have ever made, and to tell her some important news I have.

I've been staying in an off grid cabin of mine with Pepper. When I first flew off, I went straight to the Stark Industries location she ran in Malibu. I told her everything, from start to finish. To how I had multiple chances to be a better brother, to save her, and how I cowardly walked away. 

She had immediately set me straight, as she always does, reminding me that to be the best father to our child on the way, I'd have to remedy the strain.

So, this morning, I had stared down at my three month old, Morgan Y/M/N Stark, smiling at her sleeping form. Admiring her as she was just the perfect blend of features. She had Pepper's lips, the cutest button nose from our mom, she fortunately had my hair and ears, and she had the same beautiful eyes as Y/N.

She's my greatest kept secret, but I think I'm ready to share her...

I had to make things right, because my daughter deserves to know her family, and Y/N deserves the chance at peace. I'm going into this, well aware that she could want nothing to do with me. That the assassin and witch might actually kill me for even returning, but it's a risk worth taking. On the slight chance that she's able to forgive me, I'll take it.

I had instructed Friday ages ago to tell me when Y/N was alone at the compound. Just my luck, after a week she's finally there today, so I'm flying there right now.

"She's currently working out in the gym sir, she has earphones in, so approach cautiously."

I enter the compound, easily avoiding being seen by the security, not that it should matter since this is my building... However, I didn't leave this place on good terms, so the less obstacles the better. I slip into the gym, to see Y/N faced away from me, doing pull ups, and singing along to whatever's playing on her phone.

"Friday, put the gym on lockdown." I instruct the AI, making sure to override the new protections they've seemed to put in place.

Trying to lock me out of my own system? As if!

Y/N's POV

I can feel someone staring, and I didn't really care until I noticed the gym was being placed into lockdown. I take a deep breath, preparing to see one of two people—the green giant, or the pompous asshole who shares my last name. Judging by the cologne, I know it's definitely Tony.

I drop from the bar, continuing to face away from him, not letting him know that I am aware yet. Deciding between seeing what he wants first, and just going invisible to protect myself. I'm sure his suit has heatwave vision though, so talking it is.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of a visit after your many months of silence? Wouldn't have to do with the fact that this is the first time I'm actually alone is it?" I immediately move to question my brother, forgoing a formal greeting, as I move to the bench for some water.

"Look, I come in search of peace." He states ambiguously, dropping his sunglasses slightly to lock eyes with me.

"You're an arms dealer, how can one gather peace from that?" I take a jab at him for following in our father's footsteps.

"Well, that's simply not true... Stark Industries stopped manufacturing weapons years ago, now we focus on things like security."

"I see that's working out for you then." I deadpan, as I take in the barricaded compound gym.

"Yeah... Look, can we talk?"

"It's not like you've given me much of a choice Tony, so as long as you don't try to pull anything then fine, the floors all yours."

He solemnly stares at me, attempting to take a step towards me, but I instinctively scoot back. His gaze drops, seemingly hurt, but I'm not even sure if I can trust him just yet. He chooses to sit down at the opposite end of the bench I'm on, so now we're face to face.

"I'm not sure where to start, but let me first say that I'm sorry.."

Hearing the simple apology makes my heart slightly twinge with hope, but I also hope he wasn't expecting that to just get me to open my heart up to him. A few months ago and I'd already be putty in his hands, but after sometime I've decided he'd have to work for my forgiveness.

"Go on..." I instruct him, letting him know I'm willing to hear him out.

"Well, Y/N/N, I know I can't take any of it back, but I really want to find a way to make amends... I know that I've failed you repeatedly and I've come to regret every choice I've made thus far. You were never at fault for anything, it was cowardly of me to ever put any blame on you to begin with..."

I stare back at him blankly, barely maintaining my composure, as this is honestly all I've ever wanted to hear. To know that even if he had pettily blamed me all these years, that he now knows he was wrong. It's bittersweet hearing it now though, after the years of captivity, the many months of passive—aggressive interactions, then the radio silence after nearly dying because he turned everyone against me.

"Look, nugget—."

"Yeah, you really did, you failed me astronomically, and now I assume you just want to start fresh? What gives you the right?" I cut him off, scoffing at the use of the nickname, completely shocked at his sudden boldness.

"I just wanted the opportunity to apologize,

Y/N/N—truthfully, anything else that follows is an added bonus..." He quietly replies, looking incredibly small as he does so.

"I just, I can't seem to understand why you're actually here. There has to be an ulterior motive here. As if my nearly dying four months ago wasn't in some part your doing? As if you couldn't have saved me over a decade ago? What's changed Tony? What the hell has happened to make you suddenly apologetic?" I shout, as the anger rises within me...

“New Year, New Me?” He jokingly questions, but it falls on deaf ears as I glare in his direction.

"I just, I only wanted you to go away, not die! The last thing I ever wanted was for you to be hurt on that mission... I realize now that what I wanted didn't exactly match my words, because I made you out to be a traitor. Having you here was a reminder of everything I had lost. I never got to have our dad, and it had always upset me that you did. Mom, she was everything to me! Then I lost her at the hands of Hydra, and I made that out to be your problem, because they seemed to have wanted you. How stupid right? You were barely five, no more than a victim, but I twisted the blame your way.”

"What about me, huh? What you fucking lost? You had mom for 18 years, meanwhile I barely got five! You fucking pitied yourself, and left me to fend for myself… I was five when my world came crashing down, I spent more years of my life in captivity than I have out. You got to live this lavish life, becoming the superhero kids look up to, while I got punished for the sins of our father…

The anger inside me begins to slowly fizzle out, as my chest starts to begin to feel heavy with the immense pain of it all. I continue to stare at the man, the one who used to be the center of my world, but who's now become nothing more than a stranger.

His face is contorted in embarrassment, and his eyes are swimming with obvious guilt.

“Y/N… I..” He stutters, and I can hear the sadness in his voice.

“I know, you’re sorry… Also, that's not entirely true Tony, you might think it is, but it isn't... Some twisted part of you wanted me to end up hurt, you literally choked me out, and denounced me as a Stark." I sigh out, cutting off his pathetic ramblings.

"No! I lost my shit when I first saw you—I will admit that, but that's when everything came flooding back all at once. Seeing you again hurt, I had never thought I'd have to face you. Having to be faced with my biggest mistake, it brought out the worst in me. Leaving you in their hands is honestly the worst thing I've ever done. Instead of facing you like a man, a man who had repeatedly hurt you, I continued to cowardly shun you. There's no excuse for my behavior here, even if I try to rationalize it with my thoughts, I know I'm nothing but wrong. However, the absolute last thing I wanted was to see you on the verge of death.."

"You didn't see anything." I bitterly chuckle out.

"That's also not true, I hacked shield's security on the daily, checking your recovery and making sure you were okay..."

"Well, let's backtrack shall we?" I deflect, not really wanting to acknowledge his admissions of guilt just yet.

"I didn't get a dad, I got a man trying to catch up to his sins, do you even know why Hydra wanted me?"

"No..." He admits, raising his head to meet my gaze.

"Well, it’s quite a long story, but I’ll do my best to simplify it. Dear old dad didn’t properly read through his contracts, and in a twist of fate he had signed my life over to Hydra. In an attempt to take Hydra down, he had been exchanging his weapons for information. Inadvertently giving his enemies direct access to his weapons, as they were actually just undercover Hydra. Turns out when I was two, they were checking in with him on their property’s well-being, which happened to be me. For the next three years he had stepped up, while keeping the twisted truth to himself. One night, they’d started arguing, and I now know it was because he waited until they were ready to collect to finally fill mom in. So, his brilliant plan was to run, which only got us so far, before our car was spun out. Then, I watched as their soldier brutally bashed our fathers head into the asphalt, then strangled the life out of our mother, before drugging me and sealing my fate.”

“Soldier? As in…” He starts to do the mental gymnastics, and connects the dots.

“Glad to see you still only focus on what you want to hear.” I reply, as I aggressively roll my eyes.

“I’m just trying to process everything you said… I’m well aware that our fathers a dick, so everything you said seems to match up.” He honestly replies.

“Well, like father like son, am I right?” I quip back, as he sadly chuckles in acknowledgment.

“So, you’re telling me I’ve been working with the man that murdered my parents for the last few years?” He angrily spits out, as he begins to pace the room.

“No, you’ve been working with Bucky Barnes. The Winter Soldier killed our parents.” I calmly state.

“He was the winter soldier!”

“Lower your voice with me Tony, and get your emotions back in check.”

“How are you so okay with this information?” He asks, calmer than before.

“Well, I know exactly what it’s like to be a pawn in their system. Bucky is not who they made him out to be! He’s a good man, who’s repented for his forced upon sins. Nothing he did as the soldier was by choice, it was simply just his body. Everyone of you on this team has ended up killing innocent people, but he’s one of the few of you who was psychologically manipulated into it. The rest of you either lost your tempers, drew aliens to the city or created homicidal robots.”

He instantly deflates, and I almost feel bad for bringing up Ultron, but he clearly needed a reality check.

“Also, a wise woman once said: ‘Holding grudges is the greatest disservice to mankind.’ and I couldn’t agree with her more. If I held grudges, you’d be dead, don’t you think? That day when you had choked me, I could’ve easily reversed our situation. Instead, I allowed you your little tantrum, having wanted nothing more than to let you blow off steam in the hopes that you’d eventually come around.”

“You know, you’re practically mom’s mini me… Not a bitter bone in your body, even when the world’s done you incredibly wrong… I’m grateful to see that you kept your grasp on her, I clearly lost touch…”

“Well, I had nothing but time in there Tony, I clung to my memories of her, and all her teachings...”

“I, um… I have something for you..” He blurts out, as he reaches into his pocket, and advances towards me.

I stand up, and make sure to maintain enough distance between us. I stare at him inquisitively, waiting for him to show me.

“Well, when I had to identify mom, and dad, they allowed me to collect their belongings.” He shakily gets out, and I almost reach out to comfort him, but I’m not exactly ready for that.

“So, I’ve been watching, and I’m aware of your budding romance with Romanoff…” He randomly adds on, slightly confusing me.

“Where’s this going Tones?” I question him, as the nickname seems to just slip out.

“Here.” He nervously mumbles, and holds his hand out, and I extend my hand out.

I look down into my hand to find my mother’s wedding ring, and I immediately burst into tears at the sight. I slip it onto my ring finger, smiling widely as I see that it fits perfectly.

“I thought you’d maybe want it, you know, for if you ever want to ask her to marry you…” He awkwardly states, while scratching at his neck.

“Th-thank you.” I croak out, hardly able to contain my mix of emotions at the gesture.

“Please, there’s literally no need to thank me, it’s rightfully yours. Listen, Y/N, I know it’s going to take time for us to get to a place where you can trust me. I completely understand that, but if there’s any chance we can reconcile, I’d love to. I understand if you’re not interested, but I just want you to know that I love you.”

“I’m not sure how we go about doing this, because my chosen family kind of hates you..” I waterly chuckle out.

“Well, I can put up with being thrown around by them a bit, if it means you’ll be in our lives.”

“Our?”

“Oh, yeah, well you’ve already met my wife, Pepper, in passing… She’s been pushing me to face my fears, and that’s what finally got me to come here. Anywho… I’d love for you to meet your niece, my best kept secret..” He says, completely dropping the news on me.

“I have a niece??”

“Yeah, her name is Morgan Y/M/N Stark.” He beams, as he pulls his phone out to show me a handful of photos.

She’s absolutely gorgeous, and I can’t stop staring at her perfect little features.

“Oh gosh, she’s beautiful… She looks so much like mom… Wait! Did you give her my middle name?” I whimper out at the discovery, and a tear slips passed my eyes as I see the worn down teddy bear in her arms.

“Yeah, she does… Also, yes, we did. She has your eyes, if you didn’t notice.” He says, pointing out the similarities between us.

“Is that Mr. Hugs a lot?”

“Oh, yeah… He was in the car…” Tony replies solemnly, as his head drops…

I leap forward, wrapping my arms around him, and feeling as he immediately reciprocates the affection. I feel his tears as they fall off his face and onto my shirt, but before we could even speak, he was ripped from my arms.

I look up to see the gym was no longer on lockdown, then I heard Tony groaning, as I watched my redheads advancing towards him.

Shit…

“What the hell are you doing here?” Natasha barks out.

“Who do you think you are?” Wanda shouts as well.

I am stunned, standing still as I watch them all interacting.

Bucky moves to stand by my side, while Steve advances towards Tony as well.

“Stark, you’re not welcome here!” He commands, as if he has a leg to stand on.

“Hey doll, are you okay?” Bucky whispers to me, I simply nod, as I keep my gaze focused their way.

“Last I checked Rogers, this is my tower!” He snarks back, as he pushes his chest to activate his suit.

“It actually falls under government property, belonging to SHIELD, and you’re not exactly on good terms with them.” Natasha states bitterly, with her fists hanging at her sides.

“Listen, I’m here to make amends with my sister, but if you’re looking for a fight, then I’m willing.”

“You don’t deserve her forgiveness!” Wanda seethes, as her hands become surrounded with red tendrils.

“I promised I’d never let you hurt her again!” Natasha growls out.

“Well, I have no intentions of hurting her further Romanoff… As for forgiveness, only she can decide that Witchy..” He condescends to the women.

“If it wasn’t for you, we’d all be a well oiled team, but you went and ruined everything.” Steve puts in his crusty two scents.

“Oh just shut up, Rogers! The teams always been one mishap from falling apart, this is on everyone! You are your own man, who had choices to make, and you chose to leave her in the building. My influence or not, you didn’t follow proper mission protocol and that’s on you Captain dipshit..”

“Romanoff, Maximoff, I owe the two of you nothing! I’ve made my peace these last few months, while realizing just how badly I’ve fucked up my sisters life. I’m here to fix what I can, and you’ll just have to learn to deal with that.” He states in a steady tone.

Natasha’s reaching her breaking point, I can see it by the way her jaw clenches.

Wanda too, as her magic is only spreading further around her fists.

Natasha moves quickly, as she punches Tony square in the jaw. Wanda follows through as she throws him across the gymnasium. Tony jumps up, and goes to raise his suit blasters towards my girls, but Cap throws his shield deflecting the blast towards Bucky and I.

“Shit.. Sorry, Y/N are you okay?” Cap questions, as Tony takes this moment to blast at them once more.

As soon as I catch my bearings after the close call, I immediately focus my energy, tapping into my telekinesis, lifting all of them into the air, and restricting their movements.

“ENOUGH!” I shout, sick and tired of the petty fighting taking place, as they all turn to look at me.

“What about me, huh? Why not ask what I want?”

“Steve! I’ll be placing you down now, and you’ll be leaving with Bucky. You have absolutely no right to involve yourself here anymore.” I assert, as I gently bring him towards Bucky.

“Now, Wands, I can feel you fighting against me, so I’m going to need you to stop throwing people, and then I’ll agree to put you down.”

She sheepishly nods, so I then swiftly bring her down and towards me.

“Natasha, my darling, you’re going to need to calm down for me.” I gently coo, as I set her down, and she runs over to me.

“Tony, don’t even think of shooting at Natasha or Wanda ever again! That’s no start to rekindling anything with me. You’ll have to remember that these women have been my safety net. They nursed me back to health, and have been my main sources of happiness and love since I got here. You hurt them just as much as you did me, if not more than… My initial forgiveness, doesn’t equal theirs, and this was the wrong way to go about it. You do in fact owe them both apologies, genuine ones, so maybe think about that.”

“Nugget, I’m sorry..” He sighs,

“Yeah, I hear that, maybe show it instead.”

“Reach back out once you’re ready to apologize to them as well, I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed by all of this so this is goodbye for now.” I conclude, dragging the women at my sides out the doors, and letting him down as we exit.

——

“Detka, I’m so sorry… It’s just when I saw him touching you it took me back to the last time. I just saw red, and I didn’t even consider anything positive could’ve come from him being there.” She whispers against my neck, as she pulls me closer to her.

I roll over in our bed to face her, nuzzling my face into her neck, and placing gentle kisses atop her collarbones.

“No need to apologize moya lyubov’, you’re actually really hot when you’re in protective mode…”

She swiftly rolls me to my back, moving to straddle my hips, as she smirks down at me.

“Yeah? Well, you speaking Russian’s equally as hot.” She groans, as she leans down to place a needy kiss to my lips.

“Hey! It seems you’ve both forgotten that I’m here for movie night” Wanda shrieks in disgust, as we look to see her lying across the end of our bed.

“Sorry Wands.” I giggle out.

“I’m not!” Natasha deadpans, and I simply pull her down into my chest to stifle her ability to speak.

“I’m sorry too Y/N/N, I just can’t forgive him just yet, but I can try for you.” Wanda sincerely states, as she rolls over to face me.

Natasha chooses to take this moment of peaceful silence, and completely ruins it, as she playfully motorboats me.

“Alright, I’m out of here!” Wanda gags out, standing abruptly, and moves to leave the room. Not before she throws Natasha to the ground with her powers though.

“That’s it, I’m evicting her..” Natasha growls as she climbs back on top of me, and cuddles close.

“No, you’re not… You started it.” I giggle out, while pulling her incredibly close.

“Yeah, and I’ll finish it tomorrow.” She lightly threatens, as I can hear her succumbing to her exhaustion.

“I love you, Natty.” I whisper, while kissing the crown of her head, and pulling the blanket onto us.

“I love you too, detka. So very much..” She tiredly mumbles.

I lie there, watching as her lips remain parted as her breaths even out. I fall asleep shortly after, feeling a lot lighter after the events of today. It seems like everything is starting to fall into place.

Taglist:

@simpforflorencepugh1 @ali-lie

[beenalark]

Okay am I actually deranged or does Morrissey's cover of Moon River just speak Marrissey? Yes I know Morrissey did not write the lyrics, he only added some, but then again, he wouldn't cover a song if its lyrics didn't resonate with him. Like please just have a look and hear me out. I'm skipping the first verse cause it's not very specific in terms of Marrissey, but the following ones are really interesting.

Oh, dream maker - Johnny and Moz meeting, dreaming together and Johnny helping Morrissey's dreams come true.

You heartbreaker - this can be about Morrissey meeting Angie and learning to live with the thought that the boy he fell in love with is taken. I don't think this has to do with the breakup of the Smiths, because the song generally suits the beginning of their relationship more.

Wherever you're going/I'm going your way - this reminds me of a moment in Morrissey's interview where he says: "It got to the stage where I was so impressed and infatuated, that even if he couldn’t play, it really didn’t matter…" That's the point where he stops following Johnny just for his musical dreams and instead wants to be with him, wherever he goes and whatever he does. In other words, "everything depends upon how near you stand to me".

Two drifters/Off to see the world - pretty self-explanatory, the start of their career, tours and such.

I'm not so sure the world/Deserves us - that's the lyric that was changed by Morrissey. The original version is more naive and optimistic - "There’s such a lot of world to see", so obviously it had to be changed. Morrissey admired Johnny more than any other musician (or possibly any other human being, for that matter). These lines show his protectiveness and loyalty to what they have, to their connection and Johnny himself. Again, reminds me of a quote, this time from Morrissey's autobiography, about the time Tony Wilson said something unpleasant about Johnny. Morrissey says: "The comment tests me in my new role as Johnny’s comrade, and I fail because I allow meat-fed Wilson to say his piece." Morrissey immediately puts Johnny on a pedestal, and Johnny helps him regard himself in the same way. The two of them are more than the world. Also, Hand in glove again? "If the people stare, then the people stare, I really don't know and I really don't care"? "The good people laugh"? "We've something they'll never have"? "Kiss my shades"? Just saying.

We're after/The same rainbow's end - self-explanatory too, meeting a person whose dreams and ambitions align with yours completely and setting off to fulfill them together.

How come it's just around the bend?/It's always just around the bend? - another change of original lyrics, which are "Waiting ‘round the bend/my huckleberry friend,/Moon River and me". Morrissey could never have all of it, and, although the Smiths were successful, they were never as successful as he envisioned and felt them worthy to be. Issues with the label, no airplay, those are the things that irked him and enraged him. They should be bigger, but they can't be, and it's not their fault. Can also be interpreted as a comment on their relationship with Johnny, all of those almost moments that happened, the thinnest barrier between friends and lovers never being broken. And once more, reminds of Hand in glove - "The good life is out there somewhere".

And just to finish this nicely, have a quote from Morrissey himself about this song, which I discovered only after writing all this mess and deciding to turn to some more reliable sources than my own mind: "The fulfilment promised in the song is always in the future, so it has this never-finding, ever-reaching feel. It's hard to sing only in the sense that you realise you're more familiar with it than you perhaps thought." :)

Well, that's the end of my nonsense! I'm pretty sure I could stuff this with more smiths quotes, but I'll just leave it at that and shut up now, you're welcome. Hope this makes at least some sense, if not, feel free to tell me I'm mad! <3