#I learned to be able to tell when things are too good to be true by now

[katyspersonal]

I have only two possible emotional responses to feeling really safe and warm talking with a new person:

1) Withdrawing from them almost instantly and rarely responding, even if against my wish or control, because of reflexive fear of attachment since usually everyone I felt safe with blocked me out of blue and revealed that all along I was giving them """red flags""" I didn't even know existed

2) Somehow not falling for withdrawing reflexively, but in turn the value of everyone else I know that does NOT make me feel safe (so, 95% of the people) sinks in my perception and now I have to struggle against a very strong wish to abandon everyone except The Person. Why waste time on anyone less than this?

[swordmaid]

the yves/orin dynamic I hc is so hhhhhjjmyhhhhhhdhdghh scrumptious to me bc yves was orin’s biggest tormentor. yves constantly berated orin and thought she was useless, and she made her grievance known. like yves constantly preaching abt how orin is so useless and worthless and the only thing that’s significant to her is the blood in her veins and unlike her, she will never gain bhaal’s favour and she’s always going to be a mongrel chasing her heel for a sliver of recognition…! and the fact that yves - besides being bhaal’s bride and chosen - was one of the head priestess of His church meant that she influenced others to think similarly too. orin was also one of the constant victims of yves’ nasty tantrums and when she’s feeling particularly curious and she wants to see how a shapeshifter’s inner organs work mid shifting orin is the first one she takes to experiment on. like yves in her dead three was SO nasty and horrible and her cruelty is so deliberate and calculated. unlike her god yves was not reckless nor chaotic, rather, she was very meticulous and executed everything she did with precision hence why I think she worked well with gortash bc she isn’t unpredictable like orin.

but anyway, yves being so horrible and nasty to orin so when orin FINALLY managed to stage her little coup, it is a very satisfying and vindicating moment. now she gets to see the woman who made her life living hell kneel and break open like an egg, and she WILL watch with a smile in her face. now she has a chance to prove her worth, and to show everyone that yves was wrong abt everything and she IS bhaal’s chosen, and i think yves would actually be proud of her for finally standing up for herself lol.

but then orin makes the fatal mistake of not killing yves 😔

[arolesbianism]

Hi gamers guess who's thinking abt unit swap stuff again. Shiho and Saki discussing who would be best fit to play the cast in their musicals knowing full well they're going to assign Honami to the main character like they always do and the Saki will insist on playing the main villain like she always does and then Ichika gets stuck playing every other character while also playing the trumpet like he always does

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Since you've mentioned Scarlet Lady in one of your posts, what's your opinion on it?

I've mentioned before that I'm a big Scarlet Lady fan, which is the only reason that I'm comfortable answering asks like this one. I don't publicly criticize the content of hobby creators. That's wildly inappropriate! Punch up, not down.

The linked post was a general discussion of the adaptation process and how @zoe-oneesama did a fantastic job, so for this one, I'm just going to do some general gushing because I do actually like praising and enjoying things!

Scarlet Lady's chosen format (comic) allows it to have this wonderful conversation with canon where it can rely on the framework of canon to tell it's own story while also using canon for jokes and meta commentary. This means that Scarlet Lady is about as close as fan content can get to a direct reboot because it's able to have moments like this one from the comic's first post:

[Image description: Adrien standing in his room after transforming into Chat Noir for the first time. He is beaming and his eyes are shining with excitement as he exclaims, "This is gonna be awesome!"]

A single picture that communicates everything we need to know about Adrien getting his miraculous. When I've done this same thing in fanfic, I had to write out the full scene because that's how novels work. You have to give the full picture. With a comic, you can just quickly acknowledge this thing that we all already know and then move on to the new stuff. A picture really is worth a thousand words! (Or, in my case, more like two thousand...)

This allows Zoe to keep the same akumas that we get in canon without her story feeling like a boring rehash because she can focus on what's different in her version. A novelization of the same content would have to show both the stuff that stays the same and the stuff that changes for it to be coherent. That's a lot less fun to read and write. It's why I basically never revisit canon akumas in my own stuff. It's just too derivative for the written word.

This is one of the big reasons that I loved Scarlet Lady. Because it was able to have that more directly conversation with canon, it was able to take canon and say, "hey, why don't we embrace the tone that you established in season one and retell the story with that vibe?" That's something that I desperately wanted to see, but that is totally unsuited to my chosen artistic form. It couldn't be a novel. It had to be a comic.

If you want to know what a true formula show version of Miraculous would look like, Scarlet Lady is it. It does everything that Miraculous should have done:

Sticks to a lighthearted tone where nothing is ever super serious

Keeps Gabriel entirely unsympathetic

Has slow character development and background hints at a bigger plot as the only serial elements, allowing the individual episodes to be their own story while never feeling incomplete or rushed

Allows characters other than Marinette to shine while keeping Marinette as the clear main character

Makes Adrien narratively important

MAKES THE LOVE SQUARE CUTE SO I CAN ACTUALLY SHIP IT

Understands that Lila and Chloe can't coexist as antagonists

Reverses the love square, which is the best way to tell their story. Yes, I will die on my "love diamond" hill. It's a good hill. Come join me. I'll bring cookies.

I could keep going, but you hopefully get my point. While Scarlet Lady is certainly not the only way to do a formula version of canon, it's proof that a formula version does work! You don't have to go the serious route for Miraculous to be successful.

I want to take some time to gush about the ending, but I don't want to spoil it, so I'll put that gushing under a "read more" in case anyone hasn't seen it. I'll finish out this less spoilerish section with this:

I feel like some people are surprised when they learn that I love Scarlet Lady because - as some of you have probably picked up - it is quite different from my ideal version of canon. I'm not sure why that would stop me from enjoying a thing, though. It's important to remember that our personal ideals are not the only way to tell a good story. There are lots of ways to take what canon gave us and make something wonderful! It's part of the reason that I enjoy being in a fandom.

If I only wanted to see my ideal take on canon, then I'd stick to writing/imagining my own stories. But I don't want that! I like seeing alternate takes, too. Scarlet Lady is one of my personal favorites. It's completely different from anything that I'd ever think to write and that's why I'm so glad that it exists! I like being entertained just as much as I like creating my own entertainment and I don't want to only read stories that look like something I'd write. That's boring!

Spoilers below:

I've mentioned before that there are many, many ways to properly handle Chloe's character and Zoe did such a good job with her take on that! Chloe isn't absolved of all the things she did wrong, but she's also treated as a young woman with the ability to change.

While the comic bares the name of Chloe's alter ego, she was the never the main character. She never went on a journey. The story kept her to her shallow season-one self: a petty brat who just wanted attention. It did this because that's who Chloe was in canon and who Chloe needed to be for the comic to work.

The first time we see any complexity from Chloe is in the comic's final few episodes, which was absolutely the right call for Zoe to make! In a recent post, I talked about how the end of a formula show is the only time when you can break the formula in catastrophic ways and that's what Zoe did. She kept Chloe static until it was time to end the story and that's when the formula breaks. That's when Chloe gets depth because, once she has depth, the formula doesn't work.

That depth is not used to redeem Chloe, but to show us that there's hope for Chloe. That this petty brat who we've been dealing with has some serious issues and needs help. Help that she's going to get far away from the people that she's hurt because her issues aren't an excuse for what she's done. They don't erase the harm that she caused. At the same time, understanding her issues makes us hope that she can be better now and Scarlet Lady took a moment to give us that hope. To show us the START of Chloe's true story.

That is the kind of ending that I have wanted to see in so many properties!!! It was so wonderful to finally get one that did this right. A story that understood that full redemption to the team and damnation to death/suffering are extremes on a scale of possibilities. You don't have to go to extremes! You can fall in the middle and the middle is a perfect, natural place for Chloe to land in this kind of story. Fully redeeming or even fully damning Chloe simply doesn't work in lighthearted formula content. It's too big a lift as canon has already demonstrated.

I also loved Zoe's take on Emilie. I've mentioned that I don't like evil Emilie in part because it makes her revival feel like the start of a new story. She's back and she'd bad, so we have to take her down now! But I don't want that. I want the story to end when Gabriel is stopped. Zoe does this by giving us an Emilie that is another perfect middle ground. She matches canon's uncomfortable implications without feeling like a true villain who is a threat to society.

[fastandcarlos]

Family Affair ~ Max Verstappen

Summary: it’s a family affair at the singapore grand prix as the entire verstappen family come to cheer max on

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

ynusername just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo and 103,382 others

ynusername: I’ll give you three guesses as to where we’re off to 🏎️

tagged: maxverstappen1

28,492 comments

maxverstappen1: well aren’t I just the luckiest dad/husband in the world 🩷

username1: we love when the verstappens all show up

username2: I can’t deal with how cute you all are

charles_leclerc: yesssssss!! leo can’t wait for all the pup cuddles this weekend

ynusername: nvm the kids, all the cuddles will come from me

danielricciardo: it’s been too long, can’t wait for the fam to reunite

maxverstappen1: @/danielricciardo you do know you’re not actually family…don’t you?

danielricciardo: @/maxverstappen1 can you stop ruining my dreams please and thank you

redbullracing: we’re preparing ourselves for all the chaos 🤯

username3: watch max be exhausted before even getting in the car dealing with the kids and y/n

username4: cannot wait for the verstappen spam all weekend 😍

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

maxverstappen1 just posted

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 2,291,202 others

maxverstappen1: project verstappen junior is well underway, checkout y/s/n learning the ropes during practice this morning 🏁

72,291 comments

schecoperez: when I’m next in need of a new engineer I’ll be sure to give y/s/n a call!

ynusername: @/schechoperez he would absolutely love to work for uncle checo ❤️

username4: just when we all thought these kids could not get any cuter, max posts this

username5: it’s the baby uniform for me 😅

oscarpiastri: y/s/n already looks like he does a better job than anyone at mclaren

mclaren: @/oscarpiastri we’ll pretend we didn’t hear that

ynusername: I’m never gonna be able to escape f1 am I??

username6: max must be the proudest parent seeing his son so in love with what he does

pierregasly: little guy is looking good in blue max!!

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

redbullracing just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, ynusername and 492,971 others

redbullracing: when all the verstappens are wearing blue, it only means one thing 🏆🏁

tagged: maxverstappen1 and ynusername

28,491 comments

maxverstappen1: another big push this weekend team, with my favourite mascots I’m sure p1 has my name all over it

username7: petition for team verstappen to come and cheerlead for me instead

username8: asking for a friend…can your ovaries burst just from a photo?

ynusername: team max! (and @/schechoperez 🎉)

username9: if anyone was wondering where all the good genes went…look no further

username10: pls tell me that is max’s helmet that y/d/n is wearing, it’s drowning her 😭

ynusername: @/username10 don’t worry, it is, she insists on trying it on when max finishes it, the stench is gross

maxverstappen1: @/ynusername excuse me, I always smell a million dollars

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

maxverstappen1 just posted

liked by redbullracing, alex_albon and 3,032,583 others

maxverstappen1: on pole for tomorrow, job done for another day, now to rest up and relax for tomorrow. not sure how possible that will be with the kids, the pink bow was a new low 🥺🩷

68,302 comments

estebanocon: mate the bow should stay…really brings out the colour in your eyes

georgerussell63: sorry max, I’m never going to be able to take you seriously again

ynusername: damn love, y/d/n really has got you wrapped around her little finger 😂

maxverstappen1: @/ynusername what can I say? she really is a daddy’s girl 😊

username11: look at his smile, that’s a true proud dad smile going on there

username12: I swear max you have never looked better 😍

carlossainz55: almost at smooth operator level there max!!

maxverstappen1: @/carlossainz55 from you sir I will take that as a complete

pierregasly: that reminds me, I really must update your photo contact on my phone

fernandoalo_oficial: you lose all street cred the moment you become a dad I’m afraid max

username13: not all the drivers finally taking revenge and getting back at max 😂😂

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

ynusername just posted

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1 and 729,492 others

ynusername: the three stages of race week with children. 1) run around with loads of energy. 2) begin to tire but remind yourself how cute your children are when they give you cute notes. 3) completely collapse after the race when you realise your children have tired you out before the lights even went out. sorry bub, but remember we love you dearly 🩷🩷🩷🩷

tagged: maxverstappen1

42,593 comments

maxverstappen1: I’ll be good as new for tomorrow, spending time with you guys will always be my priority. I love you all so much more 🥺❤️

landonorris: I remember the days when max used to write me cute notes like that 😭

danielricciardo: @/landonorris and the days when he used to play tag with me around the paddock too

landonorris: @/danielricciardo he’s abandoned us now for the kids…my heart is broken

yukitsunoda0511: that looks like a man trying to get five minutes peace from his kids on the right 😂

maxverstappen1: @/yukitsunoda0511 guilty as charged

username13: just when I think we possibly couldn’t get anymore cute dad max photos for the weekend, we end up getting more

username14: you just know that max absolutely dotes on his two angels

oscarpiastri: petition for the two of you to adopt me, I want to be part of all this fun too 🥺

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

maxverstappen1 just posted

liked by ynusername, schecoperez and 3,382,503 others

maxverstappen1: singapore p1 🏁🎉 couldn’t have done it without my incredible team cheering me on, having them beside me constantly reminds me of the sacrifices they all make. y/n, y/s/n, y/d/n, you guys are the best. thanks for all the support team, now to soak up all the daddy cuddles before the next one 🔥

tagged: ynusername

194,328 comments

ynusername: words cannot begin to express how proud we are of you!! nights like this simply don’t get better my love 🤩

redbullracing: congratulations on a great week of racing max, enjoy the time with your family now

username15: poor y/d/n looks so exhausted, it must be hard work cheering for daddy

landonorris: are those daddy cuddles just from y/s/n and y/d/n????

maxverstappen1: @/landonorris what exactly are you implying?

landonorris: @/maxverstappen1 🫢🫢🫢🫢

charles_leclerc: congrats on a great week max, an honour to share the podium with you again

lance_stroll: lovely to finally meet all the family my man, enjoy the rest and recovery with your little ones

username16: are we all just going to pretend like we don’t know what lando is hinting at back there?

username17: max screams daddy material…literally 😅

georgerussell63: we couldn’t not let you win this one…we just didn’t wanna upset the kids 😂

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

ynusername just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, lewishamilton and 629,402 others

ynusername: husband, father, grand prix winner, is there anything that this man can’t do? we are so proud of you max, every time I think you can’t achieve more, you go and prove me wrong. thank you for the best weekend with our little team ❤️🔥

tagged: maxverstappen1

42,402 comments

carlossainz55: he’s yet to beat me at fifa…that’s something he can’t do 😂

logansargeant: I swear you guys are the ultimate goals, if anyone asks, this is how I want my future to look!!

maxverstappen1: thank you for cheering me on, I hope you guys know that I do all of this for you 🥺

ynusername: @/maxverstappen1 ofc we do, and once again you’ve reminded our children that hard work really does pay off

danielricciardo: I remember the days when he used to hug me like that 😭

ynusername: @/danielricciardo MOVE ON AND LET IT GO 😂😂😂

username18: he’s lucky to have someone as amazing as you in his corner y/n

username19: pls tell me this is the last post this weekend, my heart can’t take anymore adorableness 💔

landonorris: go team verstappen!! (I’m secretly rooting for you guys!)

redbullracing: remember y/n you’re always welcome in the paddock, we’ve loved having you, y/d/n and our future world champion y/s/n with us this weekend 😊

——

I hope you enjoyed this little smau, any feedback or requests would be gratefully received 🥺🥺🥺

 ˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

[astrow1zar6]

Astro Observations- 37

Scorpio moon are surprisingly really big people pleasers. They have an amazing ability sense what a person desires and tell them what they want to hear. This why they are such good manipulators.

Neptune in the 1st house people are CONSTANTLY getting projected on. If you have this placement you’re probably used to people telling you “we are so much alike!” And then think “I’m nothing like this person”. People see in you what they want to see and you unconsciously mirror others personality and mannerisms creating an illusion to others that you guys have a lot in common. Most people never learn the true you (people with this placement barely know their true self themselves!)

Capricorn moons are the definition of Jack of all trades. They are so handy to have around.

Cancer moons usually have very odd/bizarre childhoods

Venus in the 1st house people tend to be very lucky when it comes to finding a good partner. They attract others to them like bees to honey so they usually have a lot of options. Also money tends to flow to them pretty smoothly. They have such charming personalities that they are able to get higher paying jobs with very little effort (pretty privilege has a lot to do with it).

Gemini risings feel uncomfortable when things get too stable. You’ll always see them moving a lot or changing jobs constantly. Even their friend groups are always morphing.

Water and earth mars I notice create a more plump and curvy body in women and air and fire mars tend to have a more athletic and lean body type. (Scorpio mars tho however I notice tend to be more lean and athletic)

Mars in the 8th housers can be amazing athletes. They have such incredible willpower and persistence that they can really excel in sports.

Moon in Scorpio and Moon in Capricorn are the most common moon sign I see among celebrities. The least I see tend to be Taurus Moons and Cancer Moon. (Isn’t it funny they are opposite signs!!?)

Saturn square Venus in synastry is so obnoxious to have. You feel such a strong pull towards the other but it takes you guys so long to interact. Having this placement feels like you are meant to be in this persons life but God is putting every obstacle in the way so that you can’t really ever get to know eachother. And when you get a chance it’s almost uncomfortable and too formal (especially on the Saturn persons end) then you go back and think about this person all day wishing you could’ve said more☹️

Venus in the 6th house seems like such a bummer to have😩 I’ve seen this creates someone who tends to overwork themselves a lot. They tend to miss out on a lot of friends and good relationships because of work. This placement can cause a lot of social anxiety from what I’ve seen. On the bright side however they can make amazing bosses and develop close relationships within the work place. They are more likely to date a coworker than most. Big office siren energy.

Aquarius suns love saying/doing out of pocket things to make others uncomfortable lol. They get a kick from shocking others which is why people usually see them as eccentric.

Aqua moon women love wearing baggy boyish clothes. They feel more confident when they express themselves a little masculine I notice.

Taurus moons tend to make friends that looks similar to them. Whether that be physically or fashion or personality. And they tend to surround themselves with attractive people. (Venus influence)

A lot of pornstars have heavy Gemini placements

Mars in Aquarius I feel like Is the most rebellious Aquarius placement.

Moon in Pisces men can prefer having women friends over male friends. Even if they are straight. They feel more comfortable in feminine energy and are usually outcasted by other men.

Capricorn risings at one period in their lives had a really intense relationship with their mothers. They may have had a period where they didn’t talk to their mothers or they didn’t get a long well for some reason.

Saturn in the 1st house people have probably the worst self esteem issues I’ve seen in a placement. (Especially if they have Venus in the 1st house or Virgo placements).

I notice fire signs tend to be more into alternative fashion than most (goth, scene, emo, grunge, ect.). (Especially Aries)

Pisces Venus men never really get into relationships much. I see they’re always in these weird codependent situationships.

12th house stellium people are usually all into stuff like astrology, tarot, wiccan ect.

It’s very uncommon that I see Virgo moons who are spiritual or into things like astrology or religion. I notice they are usually atheists.

[reignpage]

First Friend

Your daughter has an imaginary friend. 

The doctors, all six of them, explained that it’s normal for toddlers to have an over-active imagination, in fact, it’s a good sign. She must be really smart. And when the top paediatricians in the country tell you all is well, who are you to argue?

‘She’s only four, she’ll grow out of it,’ your mother-in-law says. 

And you’re inclined to believe her; she’s done this before, after all. 

Warm and welcoming, you never turn her away when she shows up at your door unannounced multiple times a week with various gifts: cookies, banana bread, baby clothes, groceries, and tonight, a bottle of wine. 

‘How are you?’ Her eyes are full of worry, and right as you open your mouth, she clarifies, ‘How are you really?’

You tell her you’re fine, that your daughter’s a handful and she’s the best distraction around. The woman doesn’t seem to believe you, instead she wordlessly pours you another glass, and you watch the red liquid swirl as if entranced. 

She’s been the greatest support you could ever have; radiating comfort, grace, and kindness, you know she’ll be a much better role model for your daughter than you will ever be, because no matter how hard you try, you can’t ever seem to replicate that patient smile she always has. 

‘My son loved you very much.’

You gulp the blood-red liquid down. 

Most times she doesn’t dare mention him, and you assume it was because it was just as painful for her as it is for you, but now you know it’s because she’s walking on eggshells, worried you will snap. 

It’s laughable, really. A woman with a variety of health problems, fighting a losing battle with time as evidenced by the wrinkles that map her face, is worried about you. She should worry about herself, if she knows what’s good for her.

Guilt starts to gnaw at you; you shouldn’t think about her like that. She’s been nothing but kind, picking up the pieces that you’ve left to fester, and taking charge every time you’ve stumbled. 

She may be your greatest supporter. 

She’s also the most painful reminder of what you stand to lose as a mother. 

Looser and calmer, you feel your inhibitions slip with every glass. your mind starts to wander, about a past life, and a man long gone, and everything that could have been. This always happened at night, when your daughter’s asleep, all the chores are done, and all that’s left to do is to watch the lights flicker in silence. 

‘I’m worried the imaginary friend’s a cause of, I don’t know, trauma or something.’

You hadn’t meant to say that. 

You aren’t supposed to say that.

She sighs. 

‘She’s too young to remember.’

That isn’t true, you almost say, but you don’t. She wouldn’t be able to bear it — her hands are shaking with both the burn of the loss and the coldness of the time ticking away in the distance. It’s likely she believes that as much as you do, maybe she repeats that mantra as often as she can, the way you do, and maybe she needs to believe in that, in something, to ease the sorrow. 

You don’t get that relief. 

Because you know your daughter has been affected by the sudden loss. Psychologically tainted. The doctors disagree but you’re a mother, you know these things. 

Otherwise, how can it be possible that she calls her imaginary friend something you’ve never taught her, something she never got to learn?

‘Dada Kenny.’

[tame-the-lion-writes]

Okay, so here I go. (I’m sorry if words are misspelled or if I used the wrong words; I’m dyslexic but thank goodness for autocorrect. Sometimes it corrects it for me and at others it puts a completely different word then what I meant; so fair warning.)

So, I was wondering if it will be Ghost that cat reader opens up to about her fear of deep water. It was pretty obvious that she has trauma from it from that one time Ghost tried to give her a bath after she was done for the day doing her “mouse killing” duty; it is most likely a deep fear developed from trauma from being held under by an abusive old owner/partner.

Like yes, it’s obvious she irritates Ghost out of “spite” (and probably does it for shits & giggles on her end) but HE was the one she clung onto when it was made clear of her fear of deep water. She may have been terrified but she felt safe enough to hold onto him & allowed him to comfort her during that event; she cuddled herself under his head and tapped her head against his chest which are signs of trust for a cat.

Yes, she’s definitely more friendly & open to Gaz (first to earn that with her), Soap (second) and Price (third to earn the right to be comfortable with her) but what if it actually came down to core issues/serious concerns it’s actually Ghost she goes to. Mostly because she can tell that although they annoyed each other (not really but more just for loving fun) that they DO understand each other on a level that the others just can’t.

The other three are there for basically nap time together, to play with and being cute with; but it is only with him will she be THAT open with serious things/issues. For her, he becomes her special & only companion for those kinds of matters. (Which once he realizes that she views ONLY him as special/worthy enough to be open with stuff does he feel honored instead of annoyed about it. After all he was trying to make a connection with her and now he has a strong one that only he has access to; she won’t open up about serious stuff with the others in a way that she will only do with him.)

Basically is will be the bases/beginning for her to start accepting him as a comfort source/companion. Of course, she’ll still be a little brat/little shit towards him; but it will be out of good fun/love intentions behind it, no malice or hatred behind her annoyance towards him anymore.

Hope this helps you come up with an idea. ☺️

Oh, babe, you got my vision perfectly LMAO. (And no worries about your dyslexia, I understood you perfectly!)

CW: mentions of past abuse (and technically attempted murder)

I won't go so far as to say that she would never go to the other boys, but yes, she has an extra special bond w/ Ghost because they both understand what it's like to survive abuse--especially abuse at the hands of someone they should've been able to trust. It's also very much an "I hate you" relationship in that they only "hate" each other because of that similarity/understanding. We tend to be more critical towards people like us because of how we perceive ourselves; we are our best critics, after all.

In short, "canonically," reader got tossed over a bridge into a river when her past owner tried to get rid of her. Something along the lines of--she became too big of a burden. Being a birthday/Christmas gift, they didn't expect the true responsibility of raising a pet. The reason doesn't really matter, though; either way, she scratched her way out of the soggy cardboard box and dragged herself to shore, then made her way to the old abandoned farm nearby. Hence why she doesn't like deep water--especially not when someone is carrying her towards it.

But next time Ghost tries to clean her, he's learned his lesson. Fills a small tub just 2-3 inches high, and instead of casually tossing her in, is surprisingly patient as he places her back paws in first--letting her wade a few seconds before plopping her front feet in. She's still whiny, of course, used to washing herself, but with Ghost's help, he get's the places she can't reach. Not to mention that the shampoo he's using smells pretty good.

"Not so mean when your buttons ain't pushed, huh?" he sighs, only to add-- "Sorry 'bout last time. Should've respected your boundaries."

You're quiet for a little before bumping your head into his hand, as if in acceptance of his apology.

"'Sides, you've got your reasons," he goes on, moving to scratch under your chin as well. "And fear ain't your fault."

You meow in understanding, then blink slow.

"Ha--" He copies the blink back. "Think this is the nicest you've been to me."

The rest of bath time is quiet, save for the sound of you shuffling around in the tub in response to Ghost's ministrations. But just as he finishes rinsing you clean of suds, Gaz comes around the corner, ready to kick off his boots after a long day.

"See you're gettin' close with the kit there," he smiles, dusting his hands off in mid-air. And while you half-expect Ghost to respond with acceptance, instead, he mutters--

"What else am I supposed to do? She stinks."

Well, there goes the moment.

You swipe at his hand with a hiss, only to be met with his scowl and a towel that swallows you whole.

When you do eventually tell him--the reason for your fear, that is--it's after another bath, and when you're snuggled close under the weight of his arm. His hand cups the back of your neck, callouses almost silky from how he handles you oh-so gently. A tempered practice he's forced himself to learn since you met. Because though kindness doesn't come naturally to him, it doesn't unnerve you; sometimes you wonder if kindness, as a choice, is better.

"You know I--" he clears his throat-- "we'd never. Right?" Simon whispers, his voice as deep as the purr that eventually rumbles through your chest.

Your fingers dance through the fine blonde of his hair, illuminated only by thin streaks of moonlight filtering through the blinds. Then you draw your palms down, so instead, you're holding the sides of his face, the scars and marks of his beautifully imperfect skin like stories untold beneath your thumb. And you press your nose to his.

"I know."

(He may or may not run into your former owner eventually, and he may or may not threaten to kill him or worse. But that's a story for another day :D)

[unclewaynemunson]

If there is one thing Eddie Munson is good at, it's hyperfixating. He can spend hours upon hours wholly entranced by whatever it is that has his attention, whether it's a newly discovered band or a book series he's reading or some random new interest he likes to immerse himself in. It's something Steve, who himself has the attention span of a goldfish, will never really understand, but that's okay: even without understanding it, it's one of the things he loves about Eddie.

Some of Eddie's obsessions fade just as quickly as they appear, but others stay with him for years. So when he reaches a 1000-day streak on Duolingo learning Elvish, Steve has a surprise for him: two tickets for a Lord of the Rings convention in Chicago. The second ticket is not for Steve – they enjoy their own separate interests just fine without the other's involvement – but for Dustin, and the two of them wave goodbye to Steve with a suitcase filled with nerdy costumes and matching excited sparks in their eyes.

Eddie returns a few days later filled with stories about all that he and Dustin got up to.

'Guess who we met at the convention,' is one of the first things he tells Steve. He's bouncing around with excitement, too impatient to even wait for Steve's first guess. 'The guy who created the Elvish Duolingo course! And guess what? He lives in Indianapolis! I'm having lunch with him next week!'

And it's cool, Steve is happy that Eddie met his hero and made a new nerd friend out of him, he truly is – until Eddie shows him the picture that Dustin took of the two of them.

Here's the thing: Steve is not a jealous person. Not at all. He knows that jealousy is a gross thing to feel and he can't even imagine not trusting Eddie. But... he had not expected Eddie's lame nerd idol to have amazing hair, a lip piercing, and muscles in all the right places. The guy looks like a freaking model. And usually, that wouldn't bother Steve – he knows he's not exactly ugly himself – but usually he doesn't have to compete with guys who speak Elvish fluently.

'You should come with me, we can all hang out together,' Eddie suggests. 'I'm sure you'll love him.'

Steve is hesitant about it, but Eddie refuses to take no for an answer, and that's how Steve ends up at Vikram's house for lunch two weeks later.

Eddie gasps loudly when Vikram leads them into his living room, clutching a dramatic hand to his chest in true Eddie fashion. Steve knows it's not all theatrics, though: there's no way a room like this wouldn't genuinely impress Eddie. It's dark and filled with big leather furniture. Framed posters for various metal bands and horror movies hang on the walls. There are shelves filled with big fantasy books, and every corner of the room has a display cabinet filled with what seem to be collectors' items for various series.

If Steve had been hoping for Vikram to look more like a stereotypical nerd in real life, he would be severely disappointed: the guy looks amazing in a leather jacket that would fit perfectly in Eddie's own collection and black skinny jeans that show off a truly amazing pair of legs, making Steve feel oddly self-conscious about the couple of pounds he gained since he left his high school sports days behind him.

While they're having lunch – Vikram bakes his own bread and it's so good that Steve doesn't think he can ever stop eating – Eddie and Vikram enthusiastically talk each other's heads off about all things Tolkien. Steve, on the other hand, grows more quiet as time passes, not really following along and sure as hell not able to give any contributions to the topic at hand.

'Did you ever try to learn some Sindarin as well, Steve? Or are you more of a Quenya guy?' Vikram asks him in what is no doubt a well-meant attempt to include Steve in the conversation.

Steve hastily swallows a big mouthful of bread and feels his cheeks heat up.

'I never read those books,' he sheepishly confesses.

'Oh!' Vikram's eyes widen and Steve can practically see him think: You never bothered to show any interest in one of your boyfriend's favorite things?

'Well, I mean, I tried,' Steve rushes to explain himself. 'But I um, I couldn't really keep my attention to it. They're a bit difficult to read. For me.' Somehow, explaining it only makes him feel worse about it.

'Oh, yeah, I get it, man. Those books aren't for everyone.'

There is no meanness or hidden insult behind his words. But Steve only feels more like an outsider while Eddie asks Vikram some incomprehensible question that has Vikram giving an in-depth explanation about the difference between two words that literally sound the same to Steve's ears. And when Eddie laughs about a joke that goes way over Steve's head, then says something in that stupidly beautiful nerd language which prompts a laugh from Vikram in return, Steve is reminded in full force how ugly of an emotion jealousy is.

They say goodbye – Eddie says something in Elvish again and Steve has to watch Vikram laugh a joyous laugh about it again – and Steve is quiet during the drive back home.

'Is something wrong?' Eddie asks when they're home, perceptive as always.

'No,' Steve lies.

'Stevie, c'mon.' Eddie studies Steve's face intently, a frown between his eyebrows just barely hidden by his bangs. 'What's going on?' Something in his expression shifts. 'Wait. You didn't like Vikram, did you? Did you hate him?'

'No, I didn't hate him!' Steve is quick to say. 'He's awesome, Eddie, he's perfect and smart and funny and perfect.'

Eddie narrows his eyes like Steve said something weird.

'Why did you say he's perfect twice?'

Steve huffs and runs a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture. 'Just drop it, Eddie.'

'No, I'm not dropping it.' Eddie crosses his arms. 'What are you not telling me?'

Steve sighs. 'Okay, I didn't want to bother you with this, because it's my problem and not yours, and jealousy is an ugly emotion, but–'

'You're jealous of Vikram?'

'I mean, he's like, super hot, and he has this cool house, and he loves the same things as you, and you can speak your cool nerd language with him, while I'm too dumb to even read your cool nerd books and–'

'Steve,' Eddie interrupts him. 'You have no reason to be jealous.'

'I just...' Steve pauses, pinches the bridge of his nose. He finally manages to voice the thought that has been eating at him ever since he met Vikram. 'I don't want you to wake up someday and wish that you were with someone as smart as you are.'

The way Eddie's breath catches is barely noticeable. Then, he reaches out and gently places his hands on Steve's shoulders.

'I am with someone as smart as I am,' he says softly.

Steve scoffs.

'No, it's true,' Eddie presses on. 'Okay, so you don't enjoy reading Tolkien, and you don't speak Elvish. I don't care about that, man. I love the way you think. I love your inexhaustible knowledge of weird sports facts. I love how precise you are about weighing ingredients when you're baking something. I love your through-the-roof emotional and social intelligence.' He lifts one hand off of Steve's shoulder to pet his head, almost as if he's some kind of animal. 'You got a pretty big brain in there, no matter what you tell yourself, Stevie. And that's why I love you, more than anyone who speaks Elvish fluently.'

Steve tugs Eddie closer until their bodies are pressed against each other, his arms around Eddie's waist and his head resting on Eddie's shoulder.

'I don't think anyone has ever called me smart before,' he quietly admits.

'Well, I'll do it more often, then,' Eddie replies. 'Cause you are.'

(I wrote this because @undreaming-rambles has reached the unbelievable milestone of a 1000-day duolingo strike today. obviously that called for a silly fanfic celebration moment, congrats on your incredible perseverance aneta 💖 and credit where credit is due: this one was inspired by an episode of my beloved comfort show brooklyn 99)

[gibbearish]

smth i think ppl who werent raised christian need to understand is that a) fear of death will make you do things you wouldnt otherwise do and b) being raised christian fundamentally kneecaps your ability to process death. most christians are the way that they are because if the bible isnt true, if god isnt real, then neither is heaven. if there is no heaven, then all their loved ones who have died arent actually waiting for them, there is no place theyll get to spend forever with the people they love now, there is no eternal reward for being good, there is no guarantee of any afterlife whatsoever. and as science progresses and christianity becomes harder and harder to maintain, as various claims in the bible get disproven and we learn more about how life actually came to be, that possibility that Death Might Actually Be Something They Have To Fear After All gets stronger, and so that protection of the idea must get stronger too. the bits of the bible that are too hard to defend have to be removed or papered over or talked around, the rules that dont make sense have to be explained or maintained without question, the people who dont believe must be agents of satan sent to damn their soul to hell. the way they learned to cope with death is to say it didnt happen, not really, not in a way that mattered, theyre still out there somewhere, youll see them again someday. and with that came a promise that their death wouldnt be permanent either. it all has to be true, that heart has to be maintained, because otherwise. otherwise, this is it, and we dont know what happens next. otherwise, death becomes scary again. otherwise, death is no longer the loading screen before your eternal reward. otherwise, they have to think about what might come next, how their actions affect others here and now, fully grieve the people theyve lost, grieve the eternal life of happiness and love they were promised from birth. and that is. hard. and while obviously none of this excuses the way they treat people, i do think that like. keeping that in mind during interactions with them, being aware of how high the stakes are for them, can very much effect the way you approach those conversations.

at the heart of every horrible christian with bigoted views and worse actions is a scared little kid who doesnt know where you go when you die, because the answer they were given when they first asked is turning out to be full of holes. and while you may not be able to work with the adult in front of you here and now, maybe you can at least find that little kid for a moment. maybe you can sit down with them and say yeah bud, that is pretty scary, isnt it? it's scary not knowing what's gonna happen to you. it's scary learning something you thought was true might not be. maybe you can tell the kid that theyre allowed to be scared, that being scared doesnt have to mean hurting others. and maybe the kid wont listen, maybe youll have wasted your time, who knows. but maybe not. and even if you did, youll have learned something about how to find that kid in others, so was it really a waste?

[heavyhitterheaux]

Steady Love (Slight NSFW)

Synopsis: After Joe learns of a secret that you've been keeping from him, he has a big decision to make on whether the relationship is worth saving and if he can accept it

Pairing: Joe Burrow x Reader

Do not engage if underage

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Joe was deep in thought as he was on a popular restaurant's website looking at their menu to see everything that they offered. He knew that you, his girlfriend, was extremely picky and had a shit ton of allergies and had to make sure they had options that you could pick from.

He was convinced that your diet consisted of chicken nuggets and iced coffee and got on you all the time about it. His goal was to take you there for date night seeing as you had both been busy all week and now you were going to spend the weekend with him before going to his game on Sunday.

The restaurant had amazing reviews and the person who had told him about it and also made the reservation for it was Ja'Marr who was also on the phone, as Joe had put it on speaker so that he was able to talk to him and look at the website at the same time.

“I think Y/N is hiding something from me.” He blurted out as it had been on his mind for the last few days and he thought that he was going to explode if he didn't say anything to someone soon. He figured that telling one of his best friends was a good choice.

“Wait, what? That was random. Why do you say that? Your girl literally worships the ground you walk on and you do the same thing with her.”

“Something just seems off. I find her sometimes going to a different room to answer her phone, which she protects with her damn life by the way.”

“Don't we all? That doesn't mean anything.”

“No, not like she does. And do you know that I've never stayed at her place before?”

“Huh? The two of you have been together for what seems like forever.” Ja'Marr asked as he was moving around his kitchen and trying to find something to snack on.

“A few months but it's weird. Whenever I propose the idea, she immediately shuts it down. Claiming that my house is closer to her job, which is true but I don't know.”

“I think you’re paranoid and probably thinking too much into this. Y/N is amazing and she can do no wrong in my eyes.”

“Because you love whenever she cooks and tells me to invite you over too, but what if I'm right?”

“Hey! That just happens to be a plus but if you're right then confront her about it and the two of you act like adults and go from there. Just keep in mind she's making me salted caramel cookies next week. Don't mess up my supply.”

“Your supply? You act like we're talking about drugs when we are literally talking about cookies. And she just seemed so stressed out this week so the last thing I want to do is send her over the edge.”

“When it comes to her cooking, it might as well be crack! It's addicting! Look, if it comes up then you two talk about it and if it doesn't just wait for the right time. I'm sure that there's a good explanation to all of this.”

“I'm ignoring the part about the crack.”

“But you didn't ignore it because you just mentioned it.”

“Talking to you should not stress me out as much as it does.” Joe replied as he rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair.

“Keep in mind, YOU called me and I made the reservation for you so be nice!”

“Mm hmm.”

“Look, just let me know how it goes once you talk to her.”

Later on that evening, the two of you were now sitting across from one another in a secluded corner of the restaurant sharing the dessert that you had picked out. Joe wasn't one to eat a lot of sweets during the season, however for you he'll always make an exception.

You held your fork up to Joe's mouth and was encouraging him to take a bite but he was looking at you suspiciously before looking at the dessert and then looking back at you.

“Joey! Open!”

“Um.. what is this again?”

“It's a pistachio cheesecake. It's good, come on taste it.”

“It looks weird. And wait! Aren't you allergic to pistachios?”

“No, I got an allergy test done recently and apparently I'm not allergic anymore.”

“How reliable is that? The last thing I need is your throat closing. Do you have benadryl just in case? I'm about to call 911 so that they can be on standby.”

“I planned for my throat to close around something else tonight, but yes.” You told Joe as you winked at him.

Being caught off guard by your comment, his eyes went wide but he quickly recovered as he sent a smirk in your direction.

“Oh, is that so?”

“Mm hmm, I haven't seen you all week so I'm excited to spend the entire weekend with you which also includes plenty of activities that do not require clothes. This week was a lot and I really needed to be around you so this was absolutely perfect. Did you pick the place or did Ja'Marr?”

“We'll definitely get to that later. I know this week was a lot for you and there were a lot of things happening so I'm happy you're spending the entire weekend with me. And yes, it was Ja'Marr’s idea. I had never been here before and he recommended it.”

“Doesn't surprise me since you're such a homebody. I'm going to have to make him more cookies for that one.”

“All of my snacks and streaming services are at home. What do I need to leave for? And no, absolutely not. He's starting to stalk me just for your cookies. Any time he calls me now it's about you and your cooking. First thing out of his mouth is if you were at my house and if you cooked anything and if he can come over.” Joe told you as he laughed with you joining in with him.

“Okay, now open.”

“This better not be nasty.”

“Joey! Stop acting like you're five and open!” He did as he was told and slowly started to chew with his head nodding in approval.

“It's not bad, but I know something that tastes even better and I've been craving it all week actually.”

“What? You said you had never been here before.”

“I was talking about my girlfriend sitting on my face.”

—

“Get over here and stop running from me.” Joe told you as he pulled you back onto his California king bed since you were literally about a few centimeters from hitting the floor.

“I am nowhere done with you. Keep in mind you talked all that shit in the car on the way back and now look, a whimpering dripping mess underneath of me. So wet for me.” He whispered in your ear as he once again inserted two of his fingers into you, pumping them at an even and slow pace knowing that it would get you that much closer.

His fingers slipped out and he held them up to your mouth as you opened and sucked on them.

“See how good you taste?” Joe asked as he leaned down to place several kisses on your lips and slipped inside you at the same time making you gasp and quickly wrap your arms around his neck.

“Look at my pretty girl, she's taking me so well.”

He placed his hand around your neck and slightly squeezed, but not too tight as he increased his pace moving in and out of you.

Your moans were the only thing that you could get to come out of your mouth because of how much pleasure that you were in and knew that you being sore later was inevitable.

“Taking me so well that she can't even utter a single word, huh? This dick got you speechless?” Joe laughed, but was caught off guard when you suddenly flipped him onto his back and began to ride him.

“Damn, wasn't expecting that.”

“Not quite speechless, but you're about to be once I finish riding you.” You explained to him as you smirked with him taking hold of your hips in order to help guide you.

“Come on then, princess. Let's get to it.”

It was now three in the morning and you were wrapped into Joe's tight embrace when your phone began to vibrate violently on the nightstand.

Quickly picking it up to look at it, you were startled go see that it was Jayson, your daughters father and slowly moved from Joe in order to hopefully not wake him up and went into the master bathroom and closed the door behind you to answer it.

“Jayson, what's going on?”

“It's Nalanie. She won't stop crying and she's simply asking for you. She kept asking me to call you and wouldn't take no for an answer.”

“Just hand her the phone.”

“Hello?”

“Mom! I…” She started to say, but couldn't continue her sentence without crying.

“I'm coming, okay? Be there soon.” You comforted her and quickly hung up as you made your way back into the bedroom to still see Joe resting peacefully.

You quickly started moving around with the use of the flashlight on your phone to be able to see and this made Joe wake up and he quickly sat up to reach over to turn on the bedside lamp.

“Uh? Baby? What are you doing?”

“Looking for my clothes, I need to leave.” You told him as you had discovered your outfit that you had worn earlier all the way by the bedroom door suddenly remembering that Joe wasted no time in taking it off of you.

“Why? What's wrong? Did something happen?” He asked while you were hurrying to get dressed and you ignored his question. Not on purpose, but because you had no idea what you were about to walk into once you left there and went and got Nalanie.

Seeing how frantic you were, Joe pulled you over to him since he was sitting on the bed still to try and calm you down.

“Joey, I...”

“You need to breathe for a second and then tell me what's going on with you. You have me worried. What can I do to help you?”

“Just…. let me go please. I want to tell you but…”

“But what? You tell me everything. Or at least I thought you told me everything.” He replied as he took your smaller hand in his large one.

You hesitated before you answered him and it was clear by the look on your face that you didn't want to. The man in front of you had always been honest with you since the two of you had gotten together and it was necessary for you to do the same thing in return. He never deserved to be lied to despite your reasoning for it.

In your mind, you didn't necessarily lie to him, but you definitely didn't tell him the truth either.

“I just got off the phone with my daughter. She was crying and scared and I could barely make out what she was saying. I need to go get her from her father's house. I promise to explain more after I know that she's okay.”

“Wait, what? You’re joking right? Since when do you have a daughter?” Joe asked dumbfounded and he was waiting for the punchline of the joke that just came out of your mouth.

“Since I got pregnant when I was a teenager. Joey, I promise I'll explain but not now. Move so I can get up.” You said as tears were threatening to fall down your face.

“So you mean to tell me that you lied to me? And you've been lying to me this entire time?! I knew that something was off with you and I was right! What else are you hiding?! Are there more kids that I don't know about? Why would you lie about something like that?”

“Nothing. I'm not hiding anything else, I promise.” You said as you slipped on your shoes.

“Hmm, your promises have now been proven to come up empty so I don't want to even hear it. Just do what you have to do.”

“Joey…”

“No, I don't want to hear it. I hope your daughter is okay, but….”

“But what?”

“How am I supposed to be with someone who lies to me? Especially something as big as that?”

“It’s not that simple. I'll explain if you just give me the chance.”

“Oh, but it is. Get your stuff and you can leave.”

“I… fine.” You told him as you grabbed your overnight bag from the chair in the corner and your cell phone that had been placed on the nightstand after you had gotten that frantic call.

You looked at your keys and quickly took the key to Joe's condo off and left it on the nightstand that was closest to his side of the bed.

Without another word, you walked out of his bedroom and down the steps to eventually make it to your car. Once your belongings were in the backseat, the water works that you had been trying so hard to hold in, made themselves known and it was like a dam had broken.

After sitting there for a few minutes and giving yourself a pep talk, you made your way to Nalanie's father's house to make sure that she was okay.

It didn't take long before you were knocking on the front door and it was whisked open by Nalanie herself who then placed you in a bone crushing hug as tears were still streaming down her face. You rubbed small circles along her back as you kissed her cheek in order to get her to calm down.

“Lady Bug, are you going to tell me what's wrong? I'm here now and you're okay.”

She slowly nodded her head and broke her embrace from you and moved to the side so that you would be able to come into the house. Once she did, you were greeted by Jayson and his wife Sabrina who had come from the kitchen in order to greet you.

“Hey, she’s been like this for the past hour. Won't say anything to us. All she wanted was you.” Sabrina told you as she hugged you.

You nodded your head before also hugging Jayson, but Nalanie stayed quiet.

“Lady Bug?”

“Can we just go home?” She quietly asked and the first thing you did was nod.

“Go get your things and meet me back down here.”

Nalanie took the steps two at a time before Jayson looked at you and sighed.

“I was trying to handle it without us calling you, but I didn’t know what else to do. Anddd I just realized I ruined date night for you. How's you know who by the way?”

“Very upset with me because he found out about her like this before I could tell him properly and I think we just broke up? I had literally planned on telling him in the next two weeks or so and I was going to tell her too. But it's not important right now. What is important is my daughter so, if he can't accept her then he's not the one for me.”

“He's probably more upset about finding out in the way he did and not the fact that you have her.”

“Either way, we're probably done, so…”

“Don't give up on him so easily, he may surprise you.” Sabrina said before walking back into the kitchen.

“Just see how it plays out. This is the happiest that I've ever seen you and I would hate for you to miss out on that. Just give him time to process.” Jayson told you and you simply nodded as Nalanie reappeared with all of her bags in tow.

Nalanie said her goodbyes to her father and Sabrina and you picked one of her many bags up off the floor to carry outside. You never understood why she needed so many bags for a three day weekend, but then again she was your child and simply took after you when you thought about how you would do the exact same thing.

The two of you were now home and as soon as you opened the door, you wasted no time in asking her what was wrong.

“Okay, out with it.”

“I got my period and got really scared.”

“Oh, Lady Bug, that is nothing to be scared about. It happens to everyone that has a uterus.”

“I know that I could have asked Sabrina, but I just wanted you. I remember you telling me about what to do if you weren't around and it happened so I took a pad from underneath the sink. I'm sorry that I took you away from whatever you were doing.”

“Don't apologize. You needed me and never ever apologize for needing me. So, how about this?”

“What?”

“Take a bath, put on pajamas and we'll sleep. When we wake up, I'll do your makeup and your hair while we watch Mean Girls?”

“Ooh, deal! Can we make popcorn too?”

“Of course we can and then we're going on a snack run. You can't be on your period and not have a supply of chocolate and ice cream in the house.”

It had been almost an entire two weeks and Joe's finger kept hovering over your number as he debated on calling you while he sat in his living room.

This had happened ever since he had told you to leave that night. The guilt crept in not too long after he had heard you close the front door and he debated on running after you, but decided against it.

He admits that he should've given you a chance to explain everything, but in that moment he was too mad to even listen to one. He couldn't begin to wrap his mind around how you have a daughter.

His mind kept going to you and quickly decided that after practice was over and he was home that he would call you and hopefully you wanted to talk to him, but he honestly wouldn't blame you if you had told him no.

Thinking that it was now or never, he pushed down with his thumb on your number and the phone began to dial.

It rang for a while and Joe was about to hang up, before he heard your soft voice come through the phone.

“Hello?”

“Um, hey.” Joe responded hesitantly.

“Surprised to hear from you. Did you dial the wrong number by chance?” You curiously asked as you were fumbling through your kitchen cabinets looking for ideas on what to make for dinner for you and Nalanie.

“No, I wanted to talk to you. Are you busy right now?”

Startled by this, you placed the box of macaroni noodles on the counter and sat down at the island, trying to take in what he had just asked you.

“No, not at the moment. I'm free to talk.”

“Uh, can we do this in person? I would rather do that than talk on the phone.”

“Sure, I can be over there in 15 minutes.” You told him as you glanced down at your watch. After going over there to see him, you would have to go straight to Nalanie's middle school to pick her up from practice.

“Okay, I'll leave the door open for you.”

It didn't take you very long to get there as you had anticipated, but the anxiety of seeing Joe again after the two of you had left things was starting to kick in.

Maybe this was a formal break up?

No, he probably just wants an explanation and as far as you could tell he was long overdue to hear the truth from you about everything.

Reaching his condo, you pulled into the driveway before getting out of your car and walking up to the door. Turning the handle, it was open just like Joe had promised and a deep breath escaped your mouth before turning it and walking inside.

You found him in the living room and he gave you a small smile before getting up to hug you which caught you off guard. You tightly hugged him back just in case that was the last time that you were able to do it.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

The two of you were now sitting next to each other and Joe was the first to speak.

It was time to get it over with. Now or never.

“Y/N, why would you keep something like that from me? And you've done it for MONTHS. I'm just trying to understand.” he asked you, trying to make sense of the situation. He simply couldn't believe that you lied to him and lied to him about something as big as this.

“I wanted to tell you when I felt that the time was right. Please understand that. I had actually planned on doing it soon, but then everything happened so…..” You quietly said, but all he did was shake his head.

“And when did you exactly plan on doing that? At this rate, you probably weren't about to tell me until we got married.”

“That is not fair and you know it!”

“I knew something was up when you would go to another room to answer phone calls, never let me stay at your place with you and always shut down the idea when I asked, leaving early from date night. I care about you, so you could at the very least let me know what was happening. Even if you weren't ready for me to meet her.”

“I just didn't want her to get attached to you just in case we didn't end on the best terms. It's happened before in the past and I don't want her to be disappointed again. And I also didn't know how you were going to take it.”

“Hmm, I would have dealt with it because I love and care about you. But I see that you obviously don't give me enough credit. If something or in this case, SOMEONE is important to you, they're important to me too. How old is she anyway?”

“She just turned thirteen.” You quietly said and Joe's eyes went wide.

“I still can't believe you tried to hide the fact that you have a child from me.”

“Like I said, I was going to tell you. If you don't want to be with me anymore because I kept this from you, I get it. I think you made that pretty clear two weeks ago. I ultimately was just trying to protect her.” You quietly said feeling defeated.

Even though Joe was definitely upset with you, he moved closer to you and took your hand in his and started rubbing small circles on the back of it.

“What's her name?” He asked and from that point on, the light in your eyes returned.

“Nalanie Rue. But I've always called her Lady Bug. When I brought her home from the hospital and we were walking outside with her to get into the car, one landed on her nose and it's been her name since. I never call her by her real name unless she's in trouble, which isn't often. She's a really good kid and I honestly couldn't have asked for more. I'm really proud to be her mom.” You confessed as you told Joe about your daughter.

“I see the way you lit up when I asked you about her.”

“I got pregnant when I was 15 and was obviously scared out of my mind. I tried to hide it from my parents for a while but then my mom noticed that I wasn't using the tampons or pads she would put in my bathroom every month for me and she confronted me about it. They’ve always supported me even though I know deep down that they think that I robbed myself of my childhood, which is fair in a sense. I couldn't really go out with my friends unless I took her with me.”

“And you get along with her father? I'm assuming he is in the picture since he's the one who called you first?”

“Yes, he was there from day one when I told him and didn't back down. He's a year older than me. He got a job and would buy her as much as he could. Jayson. He's amazing to her and they have a good relationship. We're still close and he’s married now. But his wife treats Nalanie like she's hers and that's the best thing I could have asked for. I really lucked out because I know a lot of other people aren't as fortunate. My only prayer was that whoever he decided to marry would do right by her.”

“When did she meet his wife?”

“Literally right before he proposed to her and that was something that we both agreed on, but she did know about her. We never bring anyone around her unless we're absolutely sure that they'll be there for the long haul because both of us have messed up in the past with that. We want to protect her like I said before.” You honestly said and Joe was taking in everything that you had told him.

“And I told Jayson about you, but not Nalanie. From his perspective and the way that I talk about you he's really happy for me and all for it. But he did say that he wanted her to meet you. It might also help that you're his favorite player but who knows.” You said to Joe and a small smirk broke out onto his face.

“You're the one calling the shots here. I just want you to do whatever you're comfortable with. I would love to meet her whenever you feel that the time is right. But Y/N….”

“Hmm?” You asked as you turned once more to look at him and he sighed before answering you.

“You can't keep things like this from me. We've been together for a while and you know better than anyone how much I'm going to be there to support you with whatever is going on in your life, just like you do for me. No more secrets. Promise me. I get your reasoning behind it, but you having a daughter was not going to be a dealbreaker for me.”

“Promise. No more secrets from here on out.” You replied back to him as he leaned over to place a kiss on your forehead. He relaxed into the couch as you brought your head slightly to the left to be able to lean against his chest as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Do you want to see what she looks like?” You asked Joe at the same time that you had reached for your phone, not really waiting for an answer.

You never wasted an opportunity to show off your daughter and let people know how proud you were of her.

Joe nodded as you went to your gallery and pulled up the most recent photos of the two of you and moved it closer so that he could see it.

“She literally looks just like you.”

“My little twin. Everyone says the same thing when they see her except she's a little taller than me. She is literally my baby. I cried when she turned thirteen. I can't wrap my head around me now having a teenager.”

“And you’re going to do such an amazing job with her. I can see that you already are.”

“Well if you're ready to meet her, we can do it tomorrow. It's Thursday and she likes football just as much as her parents do.”

“How about football and an ice cream date? Does she like ice cream?”

“She does. Mint chocolate chip is her favorite and I always tell her how weird she is because I never met a kid that said that was their favorite flavor. Oh, and I should tell you something….”

“That's wild that she likes that flavor, but what is it?”

“The Bengals are her favorite team and for good reason but…”

“But what?”

“Ja'Marr is her favorite player so she is going to interrogate you about him.” You confessed as you stifled a laugh and Joe held his hand over his heart pretending that he was hurt.

“But I think the two of you will get along just fine.”

“Oh, and I think you'll need this back.” Joe told you as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the key that you had left on his nightstand.

Staying over with Joe lasted around forty five minutes until you told him about going to get Nalanie from practice. Once you had picked her up and the two of you were eating dinner and watching Netflix, you figured that it was a good time to tell her about meeting Joe tomorrow and nudged her to get her attention as she was sitting next to you on the couch.

“I have something that I want to tell you.”

“Okay, I'm listening. Is everything okay?” She replied as she turned to look at you.

“Everything's fine. I want you to meet someone really special to me tomorrow after you get home from school. We're going to get ice cream and…”

“MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP!”

“Yes, you can have that disgusting flavor and we'll watch Thursday Night Football with him.” You told her as you turned up your nose and she promptly stuck her tongue out at you.

“That is literally the best flavor of ice cream, you are such a hater. But wait a minute… him?”

“Yes, him.” You replied as you nodded your head.

“Hmm, I have to approve. I need to make sure that he's good enough to be in a relationship with my mom. If the two of you are in a relationship that is.” She said as she narrowed her eyes at you suspiciously.

“We are and I forgot how overprotective that you can get but I definitely think that the two of you will get along really well. You two like a lot of the same things including football.” You said as you thought about her probably wanting to go to every Bengals game once she meets Joe.

“In my eyes, only very few people meet my expectations of being good enough for you. And I want to see you happy, but you look happy so I guess he's doing something right so I'm okay with it. And I know he must be important because I never meet anyone that you date.”

“And be nice. No interrogating.”

“No promises.”

You and Joe agreed to meet at one of your favorite ice cream stands that wasn't too far from your job and you found yourself going there sometimes when you got a break to destress by eating a treat that you knew was going to satisfy your craving. It also had a small park nearby and that's where you planned on meeting him.

Nalanie was actually bouncing off the walls and very excited to meet the mystery man, or it was the fact that she was going to get ice cream in the middle of the week.

It was probably the latter.

The two of you were in line and you were about to pay for your ice cream as well as Nalanie's when you felt a presence behind you. You got a whiff of the cologne that you grew to love so much and knew that it was your boyfriend. Joe then slipped the cashier his card as you shook your head and smiled while Nalanie was looking around confused.

“Wait, mom, where's your man? Is he late? I thought he was supposed to be here already. And why is Joe Burrow here? Wait! Is Ja'Marr here too?” She asked as she was looking around to see if she could spot her favorite player.

“Lady bug, this is my boyfriend Joe and Joe this is my daughter Nalanie.”

“It's nice to meet you Nalanie, your mom has told me all about you.” Joe told her and she slowly nodded her head up and down indicating that she was still taking everything in.

At that moment, her eyes went wide.

“I.. wow… It's nice to meet you too. I had this whole speech in my head to interrogate you with but now I can't remember a word of it.”

“Nalanie! I said NO interrogating!”

“He seems like he would be able to take it anyway.” She told you and you shook your head at her.

“I didn't bring Ja'Marr, but maybe next time. Since someone did tell me that he was your favorite player.”

“Don't be jealous, you're a close second.” She replied as she smiled.

Over the next several months, you watched as Joe and Nalanie grew closer and was happy that they were building such a good relationship with one another. There were even a few conversations that had happened regarding the two of you moving in with him and of course Nalanie was all for it, but you on the other hand wanted a little bit more time before you came to a final decision about it. Joe told you that there was absolutely no rush and that the offer would stand.

It was currently Friday and you were stuck in traffic due to an accident as you were on your way to get Nalanie. You didn't want to keep her waiting and since it was her weekend with you instead of spending it with her dad, you quickly asked Joe if he could get her for you.

You- Joey, I'm stuck in traffic, could you go and get Nalanie for me? But only if you aren't busy. I owe you for this.

Joey- You don't owe me anything and of course I'll go and get her. We'll wait for you before we decide on dinner.

You- Thank you, I love you 😘💕

Joey- I love you more and be safe.

Nalanie was surprised to see Joe instead of you as he pulled up in his Porsche, but quickly slipped into the passenger seat as Joe had leaned over to open the door for her.

“Hey, where's my mom? Not that I’m not happy to see you or anything.” She told him as she brought the seatbelt across her body.

“Stuck in traffic so she asked me to come and get you. We'll decide on dinner once she gets back. How was your day at school?”

“Hmm, it was okay, but this boy Cody is convinced that girls don't know more about football then boys so we got into an argument at lunch about it.”

“Did you know that there are more women who actually watch it then men do?” Joe told her and she quickly nodded.

“See!? And that's what I told him. I was firing off all these stats about my favorite players, you were included, and he was just looking at me like he didn't know what I was talking about.”

One thing Joe knew Nalanie was passionate about was football and sports in general and that you and her were never one to back down from an argument or discussion regarding it.

“He sounds like he talks a big game, but can't back it up.”

“I'm convinced that his head is full of air instead of a brain.”

“You literally sound just like your mother.” Joe told her as he laughed and came to a slow stop at a red light.

“I have a question. Well, two actually.”

“Ask away.” Joe told her as the light turned green.

“Well first, when are you going to marry my mom? She's really happy with you and I can tell.”

Hearing Nalanie ask this caught him off guard, but he quickly composed himself.

“Hmm, funny you should ask. Can you keep a secret? And I also wanted to ask you something.” He said and she quickly nodded.

“I already got her ring, just have to plan when I'm going to do it. And I wanted to ask your permission too, because I feel that it's important.”

“Really!? Well you already know that my answer is yes. I already consider you my bonus dad and that's a plus. This is the happiest that I've ever seen her. What does it look like? Can I see it?”

A million thoughts were running through Nalanie's head about how excited she was about the entire thing. She finally felt that now her family would be complete.

“I have it hidden in my room, hoping she doesn't find it but I'll show you later. What was your next question?”

“Are you two going to have a baby? Or babies? I like the idea of at least three. I want a sibling or siblings to play with.”

“I… you are so full of questions today.”

“I only asked you two questions and you are definitely stalling. I guess all that media training has led you to be able to learn how to dodge questions.”

“I'm not dodging the question!”

“Lies! Then answer it!”

At that moment, Joe's phone rang indicating that it was you and quickly answered it as Nalanie made a face at him.

“Saved by the phone call. But I'm definitely going to ask again later.”

It was around eight at night when you were painting Nalanie's nails on the floor in the living room while Joe was sitting on the couch behind both of you and she noticed that you kept glancing at her.

“Uh, mom? Everything okay? You literally only do that when you have something that you want to tell me.” She asked as you were now painting a second coat. This also caught Joe's attention and he quickly looked over at you.

“Well there is something….” You said as you gestured for her to put her hand in the nail dryer.

“What is it?” She asked as she looked between the two of you and you looked at Joe to give him permission to tell her.

“I think that the role of being a big sister is going to look pretty good on you.” Joe told her and her mouth was now hanging wide open.

“Now I see why you didn't answer my question earlier.”

“Wait, what question?” You asked her and she sent a smile in your direction.

“I asked him when the two of you were going to give me a sibling, but I see that was clearly already in the works. I want at least three by the way.” She told you as she pointed to your midsection.

“Umm, we'll have to see about that and we wanted to make sure that everything was okay before we said anything about it.”

“Well I'm excited for that obviously and now I guess there's only one more part left.”

“And what part is that?”

“The part where you two get married and then we'll be a family for real.”

Taglist:

@hoodharlow

@a-moment-captured

@wickedfun9

@dandelionwrites8

@keiva1000

[gatorbites-imagines]

Kinktober day 5

Kurt Wagner + Uniform Kink

Priest Kurt :3 Also talks of religious trauma.I know religious imagery hates to see me comin. Readers a visible mutant, inspired somewhat by Killer croc. Readers 8ft tall.

I know very little about catholic priests, the area I grew up was Lutheran. This also takes place at some point on Krakoa. This ended up being more story driven honestly, but I had fun writing it anyways. Not proofread, because I cant be bothered.

Kinktober 2024 masterlist

You had a strained relationship with religion, even if your entire family had been true to the faith. You may have been too, years ago, before your mutation manifested. Back when you had been nothing but their darling son, their gift from whatever god they worshipped, after so many years of trying. The gift just seemed giving, as your parents had more kids after you, giving you siblings.

You didn’t have many good memories with them. You got to hold the first two that were born, even play with them, but then your mutation started. It started out as patches of dry skin, something that could be treated with thick ointments and long baths. They’d thought it was a skin disease back then, and it had been winter, so it was all blamed on the dry weather.

It was harder to deny when the scales started appearing, and when you woke up to your gums bleeding from your new teeth growing in. your sobbing had awoken your mother, who had screamed bloody murder when she saw you. There weren’t many memories of that night, or the next couple of years at that. The human mind worked in strange ways, and yours decided to supress that part of your childhood.

All you remembered were flashes of coldness, of being locked away in what could only have been the basement. Of the churches priests and whoever else they thought might “cure” you of your “disease”. You remembered your father yelling about what he must have done wrong to gain a demon like you as his child. You remembered the quiet whispers in the kitchen at night, that you only were able to hear because of your enchanted senses.

You remember how your mother whispered to your aunt, that this was her fault. That you were the result of an affair, so this had to be God punishing her for her sins. You heard how more siblings were born, how they were told to stay away from the basement no matter what, and punished hard if they even went near it. There wasn’t much entertainment down there, your so-called parents only leaving you with religious texts and whatever else they thought might “save” you.

There was no want inside you to get out, even after what must have been years. Your mutation meant you barely needed to eat, to drink, or sleep. Most of your time was simply spent, listening to your family. Because of that, you learned the same things your siblings did because they needed help with homework, or you got to keep up with the news on the radio. You had accepted it.

It was only when one of your youngest siblings discovered you that it all crumbled. She was young, as small as you had been the day your dry skin started appearing. You knew her name, having heard your mother sing her praises because she had always wanted a daughter. And she wasn’t afraid of you. She spoke to you, sitting with her knees tucked under her chin, telling you about mass, about how God would love you anyways, even if you looked different, because he loved everyone.

But the good never lasts, and she was discovered by your not so shared father, and she was punished. Her screaming awoke something deep and feral inside you, a hatred you had never tapped into. Something that had you tearing your chains like they were made of sugar, your claws drawing deep gouges in the walls as you wrenched your way upstairs. The door split like paper under your giant clawed, scaley hand, the hand of a monster, a demon.

The noise you let out was like that of the demons of hell, something deep, snarling and terrifying. Your mother and fathers’ eyes widened in terror, your brothers, the two you got to hold, were terrified. The siblings that never knew you existed wet themselves or started crying in terror. And your sister. Your sweet. kind sister, was a curled-up bleeding ball on the floor, and yet she still smiled at you.

None of the family dared move as you picked her up, she was so small she fit in one of your giant clawed hands. You had never realized how big you were, but as you stared down at your parents with such hatred, it truly sank in. your father who had always seemed so big, as if he were God himself, trembled like a leaf because of you.

They didn’t stop you as you left, tearing the front door of its hinges with nothing but a small nudge, leaving it split in two in the front yard. It was night, and it was one of those white picket fence neighbourhoods, where you preached Gods love, but ignored how the neighbour beat their children bloody.

Having your sister die in your arms was what broke you, for a long time. You weren’t older than 20 at the time, you at least thought that was your age. And yet, you stood taller than any human man, broader and strong enough to tear buildings apart. And still you couldn’t save her. you wanted to rampage, to kill and destroy everyone and everything. But you knew your sister loved this place, even after they mistreated her so. So in the end you buried her somewhere nice, and left.

The brotherhood of mutants wasn’t a choice you thought much about taking. You were no hero, and by the time you learned about the x-men, there was already way too much blood on your hands and in your teeth. That was where you met Kurt, on the battlefield. At that point he was just an enemy, someone you could turn that deep burning rage against. Feed that blood thirsty demon in your chest, to make it quiet for a little while once more.

It took you years to learn more than that they were enemies, the x-men. Your pain must have been written on your face from the very start, even The Wolverine seemed to have a semblance of worry for you. But you didn’t care, you just needed to hurt somebody, and it was easy to run in the direction you were given and lose yourself to your demons.

There were times you would pray, times when you were alone and hurting more than normal. But it never felt like God answered. And why would he. You were a monster put on this earth to punish your mother for her sins, her very sins woven deep into your very being and fuelling you.

At some point you left the brotherhood. Even that wasn’t enough anymore to quiet your demons and pain. It had been years at that point, and Nightcrawler was still just an enemy who’d grown from a small annoying pipsqueak to a slightly bigger but even more annoying pipsqueak. That very furry blue elf had a knack for finding you, wherever you went.

Most of the time you assumed he wanted to fight, but Nightcrawler, Kurt, would just sit by you in his own contemplating silence. At times he talked, other times he was silent. Sometimes he sat close beside you, sometimes meters away. Him talking about his faith made your heart race, but knowing he too experienced pain because of his appearance helped, somewhat.

Time still passed, you still weren’t a good person. The x-men and mutant-kind settled down on Krakoa. You did not, at least not for a long time. You had settled down far away from everything, somewhere with a nice deep lake where you could sink to the bottom, and imagine you were in purgatory because you never thought you would go to heaven.

Of all people to drag you to Krakoa, you had never imagined it would be The Wolverine, Logan. He gave some big spiel about hating yourself ruining it all for you, trust him, he knew. At that point in your life, you didn’t care much, nothing mattered and everything was just a blur, the demon in your chest dormant and worthless.

Krakoa was nice, people even treated you kindly even after your time with the brotherhood. Your suffering must have been so obvious for them to just accept you with such open arms, thinking about it made you cringe. Kurt was still nice. He was older, had the starts of a moustache, and the garb of a priest.

Seeing the outfit made your pupils sharpen and your heart lurch, some deeply ingrained animal reaction. Hearing about the faith he ran, smoothed down some of your sharp scales, something that yes, had its roots in Catholicism, but was so much more accepting and kinder. The thought of being part of it made your mouth sour, but there was also no pressure from anywhere to join.

You and Kurt grew closer, over time. It was a slow and careful path, all your relationships on this island were. But Kurt was special, in the way he smiled, the way he smelled, the way you became so comfortable in his presence that he could sit on your shoulders. And the way you both grew so close, that it didn’t even fell like sin when he kissed you.

Kissing Kurt must have been what Adam and Eve felt when biting the apple, tempted by the snake to break the one rule they were given to follow. And yet, like Adam and Eve, you broke that rule anyways. Kurts’s fur wasn’t long, but it was soft to the touch, some areas longer than others and carrying a natural curl. The scent of sulphur and the incense he would use in his thurible, became what put the demon inside you to rest, for good.

And maybe Kurt was pavloving you a little. It wasn’t on purpose, you think. He would simply regularly wear his priest outfit, his alb, his chasuble, his stole and amice. And he would kiss you and taste like ambrosia, like something worth sinning for. Kurt would smell and taste so divine, and would touch you so lovingly. At times you were scared to touch, fearing you would hurt him too, but even then, Kurt taught you to trust yourself.

So, who could you truly blame for getting heated, whenever you got to watch Kurt dress himself. You didn’t have a tail like he did, but you did bury yourself in your giant shared bed and rumble deep in your chest like the reptile you shared features with. It seemed so sinful and sensual, even if it truly wasn’t his intention. To see how carefully Kurt draped fabric over his body, or how his tail would flick and make the light fabrics flutter. It made a whole never demon inside you yearn.

You didn’t want to dirty his outfit, shaming yourself for even thinking it. How sinful, how evil, how demonic. But it was yet another thing you sucked at hiding, to the point where the other x-men, your friends now, started making jokes that you churred whenever Kurt would flutter by in it.

You denied it, of course, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. And that didn’t mean Kurt hadn’t planned out how to give you what you both wanted. Which was how you found yourself laying back against your many pillows, Kurt in nothing but his alb and prayer beads in your lap, his three fingered hands against your chest.

It still felt so terrifying to indulge in those wants, even as you dug your claws into the bed as Kurt so slowly rode you, his hips moving at a pace that had your toes curling. Anything he did would have most likely had that reaction, but his soft accented voice cooing loving words at you, only served to leave you feeling more melted on the insides.

It was embarrassing how fast you finished. But who could blame you. You never had much experience, hell, you could count on two hands how many times you had ever touched yourself. It was no surprise you would cum so quickly, Kurts’s tail thrashing from side to side as he was filled more than he imagined possible.

His kisses were still just as sweet, as he worked himself over the edge too, dirtying his alb and your scaley stomach. This moment, Kurts’s act of dirtying his uniform himself, seemed to have been the only sign you needed, after that it was free game. He was the apple and the snake at the same time, packaged in blue fur and yellow eyes, his tail curling in coy ways only you knew how to read.

Kurt could never hate it, instead almost preening with pride as you finally let yourself indulge. Fucking him on the altar was a fantasy he had carried for a while, and when you finally did it the blue furred mutant almost passed out from how hard he finished, having to dig his fangs into his stole to keep from wailing at the intensity.

You would never step foot back into religion again, never to the extent where you could call yourself someone of faith, and Kurt would never force you. But you did end up going to Kurts services, on rare occasions, but that was more because you were excited for what would happen afterwards, after everyone else left. There was a demon in your chest, born from your family’s sins, fed by your own and nurtured to destroy. But Kurt tamed it, brushed its fur and held it close. There was a demon, and it was his.

[harmonysanreads]

Ratio looks like he'd fold after two genuine compliments and not just ones about his looks or intelligence. Bro would not be able to handle actual genuine words from someone because he's so damn used to hollow words from fans and haters alike (I don't care if this is ooc its true in my heart)

No no, I agree with you.

People tend to take compliments too lightly, let whatever escape their mouths often carelessly. The act of giving compliments can be honed into an art with practice, the gesture of taking them gracefully can be considered as a mark of maturity and class. Simply put, you can tell a lot about a person based on how they give and receive compliments.

The academic field is privy to many kinds of drama. Back-handed compliments thrive in the radius around ‘geniuses’, ‘prodigies’ and the ‘talented’. Unless you hear it from certain people, delivered in very specific tones, you won't even know just how easily positive words can be twisted to feel like insults. Ratio is intimately familiar with this phenomenon.

It took some struggle, reflection, trial and error until he understood the sheer absurdity of the situation. By then, it was more funny than hurtful to him. Oh, the scope of idiocy. Ratio prefers words in communication to be direct and transparent, though he won't deny that nuance and implication have their own charm when used appropriately.

Ratio might not appear so due to his default disposition, but he's actually quite good at complimenting — given that he finds something genuinely admirable about the person. Take his party-joining voicelines about Ruan Mei and Herta for example. But because of the factor that needs to be met to be complimented by the man, his words of appreciation are often posed as statements (e.g. his voiceline about Screwllum). Which could make his compliments hard to believe if you happen to struggle with receiving them.

Now, the first thing that comes to my mind if we're looking for ‘that’ compliment which will be successful in flustering him ; is to try to learn and understand his ideology, values, ambitions and mindset by extension. Difficult task, I know, but studying Veritas Ratio is unavoidable if we're talking about him. Of course, Ratio enjoys studying everything around him even more, so to catch someone this perceptive off-guard is a bit of a challenge.

Well, it's not possible to understand a human in their entirety, so the effort is of greater importance. Observe, question (and don't be dismayed by his sharp comebacks), reflect, apply what you learned and always try to be genuine. There is no way Ratio won't notice honest efforts.

I don't know why but I have this nagging feeling that compliments about his appearance can also do the trick. Perhaps it's because they could've become somewhat scarce since he started using the alabaster head. But don't just randomly go, "You're so handsome! Your eyes are so pretty!" True as they may be, try to point something he hasn't considered or heard, challenge him. “I appreciate the way you maintain your hair. The neatness and your choice of accessory is pleasant to the eyes.” is something that I'd probably go for. This has greater chances of working if you've made a place in his head through the first suggestion, so to say.

And when, after all that hard work, you do succeed — Ratio is a sight to see. If there was some sort of microscope to gauge the transition of human emotions when they receive compliments, it'd paint such an entertaining picture. First is a scintilla of surprise, then you get a flicker of joy which ignites into flames of emotions too jumbled to decipher — Ratio's cheeks and ears will be guilty of letting them escape. If you don't seem to get any coherent response from the scholar even after an interval of patience, just know that Ratio.exe has stopped working.

[whateversawesome]

Spy x Family Chapter 103: Peace and Family

How nice it was to see the Forgers go on an outing again!

A few things to notice...

I'll start with Twiyor hehehe:

This is easily my favorite panel in the chapter. They're getting closer and closer!! Loid sits first, Yor follows. She's not shy about siting next to him. Good for you, Yor! 👏

See how comfortable they are with each other? She has a soft smile and he's not pretending anything; he's just there, existing. By the way, observe their body language: Both of Yor's knees are pointing at her husband, she's also leaning slightly towards him. Twilight, on the other hand, sits at a more neutral position, still it's an open position. Notice how one of his knees is pointing at her too. And their hands are mirroring each other.

It's worth mentioning that Yor is such a good influence on Twilight. This man suffers from anxiety and it's hard for him to turn his brain off and just relax. Yor reminds him of this. She is his peace 😌

And look at Twilight being honest with his wife and admitting something very true about himself (that it's hard for him to stay still). I believe that every time Twilight is honest with Yor, they get closer. In this chapter there wasn't even a fake twiyor moment for this to happen. We're making progress!

Also, did you notice Yor teased Loid?

It is the sacred duty of a wife to tease her husband and call him old every once in a while 🤣 I'm glad Yor is finally fulfilling this fun wifely obligation 😆

All joking aside, it's pretty obvious Yor feels much more comfortable with Loid now. When they are with other people, she still gets nervous, probably because she thinks she could mess up and blow their cover. However, when they are alone, she seems much more relaxed and able to make comments like this that show that she trusts Loid enough to joke with him, to tell him in between lines that she notices things about him (just as he notices everything about her) and that she worries about him too.

Endo is a master of "show, don't tell" and he's been showing us how Twilight and Yor are getting closer little by little. It's in every detail: their body language, the way they talk to each other, the words they use, how they see each other.

Another example in this chapter? Twilight is incapable of saying "no" to his wife hehehe.

Yup, he still has that shoujo filter attached to his eyes when it comes to Yor.

Now that we have overanalyzed Twiyor, it's time for some crazy theories.

This could be important!

Don't you find it funny that each gave a different answer according to their experience?

Yor feels lonely, because she doesn't feel like she's normal enough to belong to society and it's hard for her to make friends.

Twilight got separated from his his herd. His family and friends died and he had to go to a different country, where he is scared and feels in constant danger just like Belle.

AND ANYA?! I'm wondering if this is a clue. I'm wondering if Anya is a missing person, meaning someone is looking for her, whether it's Project Apple or her biological family.

Talking about Project Apple, we seem to get crumbs every once in a while. I believe it's still too early to get an arc that will actually involve Anya and Project Apple together, but we'll know more as the story moves forward. It's a good sign that Project Apple is in Twilight's mind; he has good instincts for this. We may see him or Yor get involved with it in one of their missions before we learn Anya's past. OR either of her parents may discover what Project Apple is really about without knowing one of the test subjects is their own daughter.

Something that Anya has said several times is that her parents are dangerous people. It's easy to forget about this, but it's true. Twilight and Yor are very dangerous, but not for Anya. The day they find out someone hurt their little girl, it'll be a very bad day for all the people who participated in Project Apple.

[felikatze]

ISAT and Ludonarrative Harmony: Combat is a Storytelling Tool

Or: How Siffrin is stuck in the endgame grind, forever

Please Note: This is primarily aimed at an audience that already played In Stars and Time, because I am bad at explaining things, and it's good to already know what the fuck I'm talking about. I tend to only bring up game elements as I want to talk about them.

Spoilers for.... all of ISAT! Especially Act 5!

(image to show how i feel posting this and as an attention grabber over my wall of text)

To pull a definition of ludonarrative harmony out of a hat, game writer Lauryn Ash defines it as follows:

Ludonarrative harmony is when gameplay and story work together to create a meaningful and immersive experience. From a design implementation perspective, it is the synchronized interactions between in-game actions (mechanics) and in-world context (story).

It is, generally speaking, how well game mechanics work hand in hand with the story. I, personally, think ISAT is an absolute masterclass of it, so I want to take a look at how ISAT specifically uses its battle system to emphasize Siffrin's character arc and create organic story moments. I want you to keep this in mind when I talk here.

So, skills, right? If you've played any turn-based RPG, you know your Fire spells, your "BACKSLASH! AIRSLASH! BACKSLASH!" and the many ways to style those.

Well, what does casting "Fire" say about your character? Not all that much, does it? Perhaps you'll have typical divisions. The smart one is the mage, the big brawny one is your tank, the petite one's the healer. And that's the barebones of ISAT's main party, but it's much more than that.

Every character's style of combat tells you something about them. Odile, the Researcher, is the most well-travelled and knowledgable of the bunch. She's the one with the expertise to keep a cool head and analyze the enemy, yet also able to use all three of the Rock-Paper-Scissors craft types.

To reflect her analytical view of things, all her skill names are just descriptive, the closest to your most bog-standard RPG. "Slow IV" or "Paper III" serve well to describe their purpose. The high number of the skills gives the impression there were three other Slow skills beforehand - fitting, considering the party starts at level 45, about to head into the final dungeon. She's also the oldest, so she's the slowest of the bunch.

Isabea, the Fighter, has all his skills in exclamation points. "YOUR TURN!!!" "SO WEAK!!!" "SMASH!!!" they're straightforward, but excited. He's a purposefully cheerfull guy, so his skills revolve around cheering on his allies. He's absolutely pumped to be here, and you see that from his skill names alone.

Mirabelle, the Housemaiden, is an interesting case. She's by all means the true protagonist of this tale - She's the one "Chosen by the Change God," the only one who survived the King's first attack, the only one immune to his ability to freeze time, the only dual-craft type of the game - just a lot of things. And her skill names reflect that facade she puts on herself - she can do this, she can win! She has to believe it, or else she starts doubting. This is how you get "Jolly Round Rondo" and "Mega Sparkle Heal" or "Adorable Moving Cure." She's styled every bit a sailor scout shojo heroine, and her moveset replicates the naming conventions of "In the name of the moon, I'll punish you!"

Even Bonnie, the Kid, who can't be controlled in combat, has named craft skills. And they very much reflect that Bonnie is, well, a kid. "Wolf Speed Technique" or "Thousand Blows Technique" are very much the phrasings of a child who learned one complicated word and now wants to use it in everything to seem cooler than they are, which is none, because they're twelve.

Siffrin's skills are all puns.

You have an IMMEDIATE feel for personality here. Between "Knife to Meet You!" and "Too Cleaver by Half," you know Siffrin's the type to always crack a joke no matter the situation, slinging witticisms around to put Sonic the Hedgehog to shame. It's just such a clever way to establish character using a game mechanic as old as the entire history of RPGs.

This is only the baseline of the way the combat system feeds into the story, though.

The timeloop, of course, feeds into it. Siffrin is the only character who retains experience upon looping, whereas all other characters are reset to their base level and skills. And it sucks (affectionate).

You're extremely likely to battle more often the earlier in the game you are - after all, you need the experience (for now.) Every party member contributes, and Siffrin isn't all that strong on their own, since they focus on raw scissor type damage with the addition of one speed buff. (Of course it's a speed buff. They're a speedy fucker. Just look at him).

At first, the difference in level between Siffrin and the rest of the group is rather negligible. Just a level or two. Just a bit more speed and attack. And then Siffrin grows further and further apart. Siffrin keeps learning new skills. He gets a healing skill that doubles as an attack boost, taking away from both Mirabelle's and Isabeau's usefullness. He gets Craft skills of every type that even give you two jackpot points instead of one - thus obliterating Odile's niche. Siffrin turns into a one-person army capable of clearing most encounters all on their own.

Siffrin's combat progression is an exact mirror of story progression - as their experience inside the loops grows, they also grow further and further away from their party. The party seems... weaker, slower, clumsier. Always back at their starting point, just as all of their character arcs are reset each loop. Never advancing, always stagnant. And you have Siffrin as the comparison post right next to them.

I also want to point out here a change from Act 2 to Act 3 - Siffrin's battle portrait. He stops smiling.

Battles keep getting easier. This is true both for the reason that Siffrin keeps growing stronger even when all enemies stay the same, but also for the reason that you, the player, learn more about the battle system and the various encounters, until you've learned perfect boss clear strategies just from repetition. Have you ever watched a speedrunner play Pokemon? They've played this game so many times, they could do it blindfolded and sleeping. Your own knowledge and Siffrin's new strength work in tandem to trivialize the game's entire combat system as the game progresses.

(Is it still fun? Playing it over, and over, and over again? Is it?)

You and Siffrin are in sync, your experience making everything trivial.

As time goes on, Siffrin grows to care less and less about performing right for their party and more and more about going fast. A huge moment in his character is marked by the end of Act 3; because of story events I won't delve too deeply into, Siffrin has grown afraid of trying something new. And his options of escape are closing in. They need an answer, and they need it fast. He doesn't have the time or patience to dumb himself down, so you unlock one new skill.

It doesn't occur with level up, or with a quest, or anything at all. At the start of Act 4, it simply appears in Siffrin's Craft skills.

(Just attack.)

No pun. No joke. Just attack. Once you notice, the effect is immediate - here you have it, a clear sign of how jaded Siffrin has become, right at every encounter. And it's a damn good attack, too! The only available attack in the game that deals "massive" damage against all enemies. Because it doesn't add any jackpot points (at least, it's not supposed to), you set up a combo with everybody else, but Siffrin simply tears away at the enemy with wild abandon. Seperated from the rest of the party by the virtue of no longer needing to contribute to team attacks (most of the time. It's still useful if they do, though).

Once again, an aspect of the battle system enhances the degree of separation between Siffrin and the static characters of his play. You're incentivized to separate him, even.

Additionally, there are two more skills to learn. They're the only skills that replace previous skills. You only get them at extremely high levels, the latter of which I didn't even reach on both of my playthroughs.

The first, somewhere in the level 70 range, Rose Printed Glasses, a paper type craft skill, is replaced by Tear You Apart. It's still a pun about paper, but remarkedly more vicious.

The second is even more on the nose. At level 80, In A While, Rockodile!, a rock type craft skill, is replaced by the more powerful Rock Bottom.

I didn't get to level 80. If you do, you pretty much have to do it on purpose. You have to keep going much longer than necessary, as Siffrin is just done. And the last skill he learns is literally called Rock Bottom.

What do I even need to say, really.

Your party doesn't stay static forever, though.

By doing their hangout quests, side quests throughout the loops that result in Siffrin and the character having a heart to heart, all of them unlock what I'd call an "ultimate" skill. You know the type - the character achieved self-fulfillment, hit rank 10 on their confidant, maxed out their skill tree, and received a reward for their trouble.

These skills are massively useful. My favorite is Odile's - it makes one enemy weak to all Craft types for several turns, which basically allows you to invalidate the first and third boss, as well as just clown on the King, especially once Siffrin starts racking up damage.

But the thing is. In Act 3, when you first get them, yeah, they're useful. But... do you need them? After all, they're such a hassle to get. You need to do the whole character quest again, you can't loop forward in the House or you'll lose them. If you want to take these skills to the King, you need to commit. Go the full nine-yards and be nice to your friends and not die and not skip forward or skip back. Which is annoying, right?

Well, I sure did think so during Act 4. After all, a base level party can still defeat the King, just with a few more tricky pieces involved. Siffrin can oneshot almost all basic enemies by the time of Act 4. It's this exact evalutation that you, the player, go through everytime you return to Dormont. Do I want this skill, still? Would it not be faster to go on without it? I'm repeating myself, but that's the thing! That's what Siffrin is thinking, too!

I also want to take a quick moment to note, here - all skills gained from hangouts have art associated with them, which no other skills do. This feature, the nifty art, hammers home these as "special" skills, besides just how they're unlocked.

Siffrin also has one skill with associated art.

Yeah, you guessed it, it's (Just attack.)

At first, helping the characters is tied to a hefty in-game reward, but that reward loses its value, and in return devalues helping Siffrin's friends every loop. It's too tedious for a skill that'll make a boss go by one turn faster. You, the player, grow jaded with the battle system. Grinding experience isn't worth it, everybody's highest levels are already recorded. Fighting bosses isn't worth it, it's much faster to loop forward.

Isn't this what all endgame in video games looks like? You already beat the final boss, and now... what challenge is left? Is there a point to keep playing? Most games will have some post-game content. A superboss to test your skills against, but ISAT doesn't have any of that. You're forever left chasing to the post-game. That's the whole point - to escape the game.

As most games get more difficult as time passes, ISAT only gets easier. The game becomes disinterested in expanding its own mechanics just as I ran out of new things to fight after 100%-ing Kingdom Hearts 3. Every encounter becomes a simple game of "press button to win."

The final boss just takes that one up a notch.

Spoilers for Act 5 ahead boys!

In Act 5, Siffrin utterly loses it. His last possible hope for escape failed him, told him there's nothing she can do, and Siffrin is trapped for eternity. So of course, they go insane and run up the entire House without their party.

This just proves what you already knew - you dont need the party to proceed. Siffrin alone is strong enough. And here, Siffrin has entirely shed the facade of the jokester they used to be. Every single skill now follows the (Just attack.) naming conventions. Your skills are: (Paper.) (Rock.) (Scissors.) (Breathe.)

To the point. Not a moment wasted, because Siffrin can't take a moment longer of any of this. Additionally, his level is set to 99 and his equipment becomes fixed. You can't even pick up items anymore! Not that you needed them at this point anyway, right? Honestly, I never used any items besides the Salty Broth since Act 2, so I stopped picking items up a long time ago. Now you just literally can't.

Something I've not talked about until now - one of the main equipment types in this game are Memories, gained for completing subquests or specific interactions and events. They all by and large have little effects - make Odile's tonics heal more, or have Mirabelle cast a shield at the start of combat. For the hangout events, you also gain an associated memory that boosts the characters' stats by 30. It lets them keep up with Siffrin again! A fresh wind! Finally, your party members feel on par with you again!

...For a time. And just like that, they're irrelevant again, just as helping them gave Siffrin a brief moment of hope that the power of friendship could fix everything.

In Act 5, your memory is set to "Memory of Emptiness." It allows you to loop back in the middle of combat. You literally can't die anymore. Not that Siffrin could've died by this point in the first place, unless you forgot about the King's instant-kill attack. This one memory takes away the false pretense that combat ever had any stakes. Siffrin's level being set to 99 means even the scant exp you get is completely wasted on them. All stakes and benefits from combat have been removed. It has become utterly pointless.

Frustrating, right? It's an artistic frustration, though. It traps you right here in Siffrin's shoes, because he hates that all these blinding Sadnesses are still walking around just as much. It all inspires just a tiny fraction of that deep rolling anger Siffrin experiences here in the player.

And listen, it was cathartic, that one time Siffrin snapped and stabbed the tutorial Sadness, wasn't it? Because who enjoys sitting through the tutorial that often? Siffrin doesn't. I don't, either.

So, since combat is an useless obstacle now meant to inspire frustration, what do you do for a boss? You can't well make it a gameplay challenge now, no. The bosses of Act 5 are an emotional challenge: a painful wait.

First, Siffrin fights the King, alone. This is already nervewracking because of one factor - in every other run, you need Mirabelle's shield skill, or else you're scripted to die. You're actually forced to fight the King multiple times in Act 3, and have to do it at least once in Act 4, though you'll likely do it more. Point is: you know how this fight works.

You know Siffrin's fight is doomed from the outset, but all you can do is keep slinging attacks. Siffrin is enough of a powerhouse to take the King's HP down, what with the healing and buff skills they have now, not to even mention you can just go all in on damage and then loop back.

(And no matter which way you play it, whether you just loop or use strategically, it reflects on Siffrin, too. Has he grown callous enough not even death will stop their mission? Or does he still avoid pain, as much as he can?)

This fight still allows you the artifice of even that much choice, not that it matters. The other shoe drops eventually - Siffrin becomes slower, and slower. Unsettling, considering this game works on an Action Gauge system. You barely get turns anymore. The screen gets darker, and darker. Until Siffrin is frozen in time, just as you knew he had to be, because you know how this encounter works, know it can't be cleared without Mirabelle.

And, then, a void.

Siffrin awakens to nothingness. The only way to tell you've hit a wall is if Siffrin has no walking animation to match your button inputs. You walk, and walk, until you're approached by.... you. The next enemy encounter of the game, and Siffrin's absolute lowest point: Mal Du Pays.

Or, "Homesickness," in english. If you know the game, you know why it's named this, but that's not the point at the moment.

Thing is, where you could damage the King and are damaged in turn, giving you at least a proper combat experience, even if its doomed to fail, Mal Du Pays has no such thing.

You can attack. You can defend. But it is immune to all attacks. And in return, it does nothing. It's common, at least, for undefeatable enemies to be a "survive" challenge, but nope. The entire fight is "press button and wait." Except, remember the previous fight against the King? The entire time, you were waiting for the big instant death attack to drop. That feeling, at least for me, carried forward. I was incredibly on edge just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And, as is a pattern, Siffrin is, too. As Siffrin's attacks fail to connect, they start talking to Mal Du Pays.

But he gets no response, as you get no attacks to strategize around. The wait for anything to happen is utterly agonizing. You and Siffrin are both waiting for something to happen. This isn't a fight. It just pretends to be. It's an utter rugpull, because Siffrin was so undefeatable for most of Act 4 and all of Act 5 so far. It's kind of terrifying!

and it does. It finally does something. Ma Du Pays speaks, in the voice of Siffrin's friends, listing out their deepest fears. I think it's honestly fantastic. You're forced to just sit here and listen to Siffrin's deepest doubts, things you know the characters could not say because it references the timeloops they're all utterly unaware of. This is all Siffrin, talking to himself. And all you, all Siffrin, can do, is keep wailing away on the enemy to no effect whatsoever.

So of course this ends with Siffrin giving up. What else can you do?

And then Siffrin's friends show up and unfreeze them and it's all very cool yay. The pure narrative scenes aren't really the main focus but I want to point out here:

A) Mirabelle is in the first party slot here, referencing how she's the de facto protagonist, and Bonnie fills in the fourth slot left empty, which shows all characters uniting to save Siffrin

B) this is the only instance of the other party members having act specific battle icons: they're all smiling brightly, further pushed by the upbeat music

C) the reflecting shield Mirabelle uses to freeze the King uses a variation of her hangout skill cut in, marking it as her true "final" skill and giving the whole fight a more climatic feeling.

It's also a short gameplay sequence with Siffrin utterly uninvolved in the battle. You can't even see them onscreen. But... it feels warm, doesn't it? Everybody coming together. Siffrin doesn't have to fight anymore.

At last, the King is defeated. Siffrin and co. make for the Head Housemaiden, to have her look at Siffrin's sudden illness. Siffrin is utterly exhausted, famished, running a fever. And this isn't unexpected - after all, their skills in Act 5 had no cooldown. For context, instead of featuring any sort of MP system, all skills work on a cooldown basis, where a character can't use it for a certain number of turns. The lowest cooldown is actually Siffrin's Knife to Meet You, which has a cooldown of 1. In universe, this is reasoned as the characters needing a break from spamming craft in order to not exhaust themselves.

Siffrin's skills in Act 5 having no cooldown/being infinitely spammable isn't a sign of their strength - it's a sign that he refuses to let himself rest in order to rush through as fast as possible.

Moving on, Siffrin panics when seeing the Head Housemaiden, because seeing her means one thing: the end. Prior to this in the game, every single time you beat the King, the loop ends when you talk to the Head Housemaiden.

Reality breaks down, the whole shebang. It's here that Siffrin realizes - they don't want the loops to end, because the end of their journey means their family will leave, and he'll be alone again. The happiest time of his life will be over.

Siffrin goes totally ballistic, to say the least.

As it turns out (and was heavily foreshadowed narratively), Siffrin has been using Wish Craft to subconciously cause the timeloop because of their abandonment issues. It's rather predictable if you paid attention to literally anything, but it's extremely notable how heavily Siffrin is paralleled to the King, the antagonist they swore to kill by themself at the start of Act 5. The King wants to freeze Vaugarde in time because it is, in his mind, "perfect," for accepting him after he lost his home - a backstory he shares with Siffrin.

Siffrin has become the exact antagonist he swore to kill, and it's shown by how the next fight utterly flips everything on its head.

Siffrin is the final boss.

In a towering form made of stars, Siffrin looks down at their friends. His face is terrified, because of his internal conflict; he can't hurt his friends, but he can't let them go, either. The combat prompt is simply changed to "END IT!"

This fight is similar to the previous, in that you just need to wait a certain number of turns until its over. However, this time, it's not dreadful suspense. It's... confusion, and hesitance.

You have two options for combat: Attack your friends, or attack yourself.

And... you don't really want to do either, I think. I certainly don't. But what else can you do? It's Siffrin's desires clashing in full force. Attack your friends, and force them to stay? Or attack yourself, and let them go safely without you?

Worth noting, here - when you attack Siffrin's friends, you can't harm them. Isabeau will shield all attacks. And when you attack yourself, Mirabelle will heal you back to full. And the friends don't... do anything, either. How could they? Occasionally, Mirabelle heals you and Isabeau shouts words of motivation, but the main thing is...

(Your friends don't know what to do.)

None of them want to harm Siffrin. Both sides simply stare at each other, resolute in their conviction but unwilling to end it with violence. It's of note that this loop, the last one, is the only loop where the King isn't killed. Just frozen. And now here is Siffrin, clamoring for the same eternity the King was. Of course everything ends in a tearfilled conversation as Siffrin sees their friends won't leave him, even after the journey ends, but I still have to appreciate this moment.

Siffrin is directly put in the position with their friends as his enemies, forced to physically reckon that keeping them in this loop is an act of violence, against both their friends, and against himself.

It's a happy ending. But... what does it mean?

Of course, ISAT is obviously about the fear of change. Siffrin is afraid of the journey ending, and of being alone. However, ISAT is also a game about games. Siffrin is playing the same game, over and over, because it's comforting. It's familiar. It's nice, to know exactly what happens next. These characters might just be predictable lines of dialogue, but... they feel like friends. Have you ever played a game, loved it, put countless hours into it, but you never finished it? Because you just couldn't bear to see it end? For the characters to leave your life, for there to be a void in your heart where the game used to be?

After all, maybe it became part of your routine! You play the game every day, slowly chipping away at it for weeks at a time. For me, I beat ISAT in four days. It utterly consumed me during this time. I had 36 hours of playtime by the end. Yeah, in that week, I did not do much more than play ISAT.

And once i beat it, i beat it, again. I restarted the game to see the few scenes I missed, most specifically the secret boss I won't talk about here. I... couldn't let go of the game yet. I wanted to see every scrap I could. I still do. I'm writing this, in part because I still do. It's scary to let go.

Ever heard the joke term of "Postgame Depression?" It's when you just beat a game, and you're suddenly sad. Maybe because the ending affected you emotionally and you need to process the feelings it invoked, or you search for something that can now fill your time with it gone.

The game ends, for real this time, the last time you talk to the Head Housemaiden. But Siffrin gets... scared. What if everything loops back again? And so, his family offers to hold his hand. They face the end, together.

For all loops, including the ending, you never see what happens after. After they leave the loop for good. Because the loop is the game itself. It's asking you to trust that life goes on for these characters, and it holds your hand as it asks you to let go. There's a reason for Siffrin's theater metaphors. He is the actor, and the director, asking everyone to do it over one more time. He's a character within the game, and its player.

There's a reason I talked about endgame content. This, the way it all repeats, there's nothing new, difficulty and stakes bleed away as you snap the game over your knee - it's my copy of White 2 with two hundred hours in it. It's me playing Fire Emblem Awakening in under 3 hours while skipping every cutscene. Are you playing for the sake of play, for the sake of indulging in your memories, because you're afraid of the hole it'll leave when you stop?

Of note: the narrative never condemns Siffrin for unwittingly causing their own suffering. He's a victim of circumstance. It's seen as endearing, even, that Siffrin loves their friends to the point of rather seeing the world destroyed than them gone. But Siffrin is also told: we'll stay with you for now, but we'll part ways eventually. And one day, you'll have to be okay with it.

Stop draining the things you love of every ounce of enjoyment just because you're afraid of what happens next. I'm not saying to never play your favorite games again. Playing ISAT a second time, I still had a lot of fun! I saw so many new things I didn't before, and I enjoyed myself immensely, reading the same dialogue over and over. But... it makes me look at other games I love and still play, and makes me ask... is this still fun? Do I still need to play this game to enjoy it? Even writing this is an afterimage of my enjoyment, but it's a new way to interact with the game, to analyze it through this lens. Fuck, man, I write fanfiction. Look at me.

All of this, fanart, fanfic, analysis, is a way to prolong that enjoyment without making yourself suffer for it. Without just going through the motions of enjoyment without actually experiencing any. But one day, the thing you love won't be fun to talk and write and draw about. And it's okay. You'll have new things to love. I promise.

In the end.... I'm certain I'll replay ISAT one day. Between great writing, art, puzzles and unresolved mysteries, it's my shoe-in for game of the year.

But I won't replay it for quite some time. I've had enough, for now, so I let my love take other forms.

Siffrin is never condemned, because love is no evil. Be it love for another person, or for a game. And please, if you're overempathetic - it's still a game, at the end of the day. The great thing about games is that you can always boot them up again, no matter how long its been.

A circle within a circle indeed.

To summarize:

The repetitiveness of ISAT's combat, lack of new enemies, and Siffrin's ever increasing strength eventually allows you to snap the combat over your knee, rendering it irrelevant and boring. Though this may seem counterproductive at first, it perfectly mirrors how Siffrin has also grown bored with these repeated encounters and views them only as an obstacle to get past. The reflection of Siffrin's own tiredness with the player's annoyance increases the compassion the player has for Siffrin as a character.

Additionally, the endgame state of the combat system serves as commentary on the state of a favorite game played too often, much like how Siffrin has unwittingly trapped themself in the loop. Despite the game having no more challenge or content left to over, a player might return to their favorite game anyway, solely to try and recreate the early experience of actually having fun with it. This ties into ISAT's metanarrative about the fear of change and refusal to let go of comfort even when the object (here, your favorite video game) offering that comfort has become utterly bereft of any substance to actually engage with. Playing for the sake of playing, with no actual investment to keep going besides your own memories.

Later on, stripping away even the pretense of strategy for a "press button and wait" format of final bosses highlights the lack of options at Siffrin's disposal and truly forces the player into their shoes. Truly, the only way to win is to stop playing.