#I know that the axolotl is missing half its body

[the-real-couchrat]

Doodle inspired by @that-ghosts-art’s comic, which managed to break me out of and art block

The ensuing court case:

Bonus under the cut (TW for death, blood, injuries, and poorly drawn angles)

[space-lynn]

Here’s another snippet inspired by this post from @yyuppys !

Enjoy reading! (TW: Blood, gore, body horror and major character death)

~~~~~

It was a peaceful morning for two certain girls. Sasha Waybright and Marcy Wu basked in the morning light and they basked in each other’s presence, a soft and content smile on the former and a happy grin on the latter.

“So,” Marcy started, flipping herself to lean over Sasha, “what do you want to do? After the war.”

“Step down from being a commander, get out of Amphibia, and take a nice long bath. A proper bath. I haven’t showered in weeks!”

The ranger snickered.

“What about you?” Sasha asked, tilting her head slightly.

The girl in question shrugged, “I’m getting me some human food.”

“That’s it?”

“I’ve been stuck in a pickle jar for so long, I could go for a bite.”

“Pft-- In a pickl--” Sasha laughed out loud.

“Well, I’m glad you liked the joke, Sashimi,” Marcy purred, voice a mix of mock sarcasm and seriousness.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” the other girl giggled. “How about we go on a date? On Earth. We haven’t done that in so long. What with everything going on around us.”

“A human date, huh?” She made a show of thinking about it. “I don’t know.”

“There’s mint chocolate chip ice cream~”

“I’m sold!”

“Great! We could also--”

Marcy half-listened as Sasha listed off all the things they could do back on Earth for their date. Marcy smiled lovingly, then pressed a kiss to Sasha’s left cheek.

It surprised the blonde, but she quickly recovered. In turn, the blonde placed her left hand on the back of the raven-haired girl’s neck, moving her close. They met in the middle for a sweet kiss, Sasha sighed into it and Marcy smiled.

Marcy felt Sasha’s hand travel from her neck and up to her hair, snagging something. She wanted to pull back, apologize for having a bug or a stick in it, but the blonde kept their lips pressed together, the hold on the back of her head tightening a little. It almost seemed… desperate. Nonetheless, she kept kissing her girlfriend until Sasha removed whatever was in her hair and pulled away. A soft whine escaped Marcy and she opened her eyes, the darkness replaced with… darkness. Not the soft morning light the two laid in moments earlier. Everything’s changed. The doughy earthy ground beneath them was replaced by hard cemented blocks. The smell of petrichor and grass were replaced by the stench of blood and death. The distinctly sweet and juicy flavor of Sasha’s strawberry lip gloss was replaced by the harsh and metallic tang of blood. The delightful chirps of birds and the buzz of insects were replaced by Sasha’s pained wheezing and the loud clang of an axolotl helmet hitting the floor.

Oh. All of that-- All of that wasn’t real.

The raven-haired girl watched, confusion turning into horror, as blood dribbled down the side of Sasha’s face, the blonde still lying down on the ground.

Oh. Fuck-- Oh, God, no.

“Sasha?” she whispered.

The lieutenant laughed, tears spilling from her eyes. Blood poured forth from her mouth as she gasped out, “There she is. There’s my Marshmallow.”

No--

“No,” she whispered. Panic settled over her, her head hurting and her heart aching. Her gaze quickly scanned the blonde’s body, then froze at… everything. Sasha’s missing right arm, torn from its socket. Ligaments and tendons hung limply from her shoulder, and chunks of it left a trail that led to the limb a few feet away. Sasha’s pink and silver heron swords-- no, shards of her swords and armor mixed with the flesh of her stomach, rising and falling in time with Sasha’s breathing. Her legs -- oh, fuck -- were twisted and broken, bits of bone peeking through.

Shit. Fuck! No. Nonononononono. Did I-- Did I do this?

“No,” Sasha coughed, desperately, “no you didn’t.”

She said that out loud, and the way Sasha spoke meant that she did it. She fucking did it.

Tears welled up in her eyes. Her hands surged forward, stopping just before Sasha’s maimed abdomen. A million thoughts raced through her head, thinking of different ways to help her partner out but she can’t. 

She can’t. 

She fucking can’t.

“Fuck” -- tears stung her eyes -- “I-I--”

She pressed the heel of her hands to her temples. A strangled whine built up in her throat. What to do? What to do? What to do???

She had to do something! Anything!

There had to be something. 

Fucking damnit! Shit. Shitshitshitshit!

“FUCK!”

“Hey. Marcy--”

Marcy cried.

“--Shh. Hey, look at me.” She cupped the raven-haired girl’s face. “Look at me, Котик.”

And Marcy did.

“It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”

A pained gasp tore its way out of her throat as she gingerly touched Sasha’s hand, the palm of her hand on the back of Sasha’s.

Sasha smiled, “It’s going to be okay.”

“No. No. Sasha, please. Please don’t,” she whimpered. “Don’t go.”

Tears kept streaming down Sasha’s face as she chuckled, weakly wiping Marcy’s tears away with her thumb, an apology and fear in her eyes. 

“I-I” -- she coughed up more blood -- “I love you, so so much. Yo-You know that, right?”

“I know and I love you, too,” Marcy sobbed. 

“I don’t-- I don’t think I” -- a sharp inhale -- “I can bounce back from this Mar Mar.” A soft gasp. “But I want you to know” -- cough -- “that I’ll always love you. No matter where I am. Never forget that, okay?”

She nodded. Her heart shattered in her chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Sasha muttered, eyes drooping. “It’s not your fault.”

And with that, Sasha was gone.

“I’m so sorry.”

But sorry can’t fix this. It can’t miraculously heal Sasha. And it can’t bring her back. It can not and will not reverse the shit that’s happened, so with a kiss on the inside of her dead lover’s wrist, Marcy uselessly whispered, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

~~~~~

Also inspired by the writing prompt: Write an incredibly light happy story with an extremely dark twist. I hope that this was dark enough and that the reveal went right. :) And I hope y’all enjoyed it! Have an amazing morning, afternoon or evening! Until my next snippet~ :D

[just-a-random-cipher]

!Theories about Gravity Falls!

Enjoy Reading:)👁

I recently came to the understanding that some people in the Gravity Falls fandom are slightly confused as to what little the fandom knows about Bill Cipher’s past. Everyone who watches the show knows he comes from another dimension known as the Nightmare Realm, which is decaying and fated to be destroyed by its very own mechanisms. However, given the release of Journal 3 by Alex Hirsch and Disney, and a rather interesting and hidden page on the Disney XD site (found here), Bill’s background is obviously not as simple as him being a megalomaniacal, dimension hopping villain.

Let’s start with the Axolotl.

Most people know this amphibious being from the last few seconds Bill is alive. He says something close to, “Axolotl, my time has come to burn. I invoke the ancient power that I may return.” If you want to hear it yourself, check out any of the YouTube videos on the subject. However, this seems to point out that Bill knows of, or somehow personally knows, the Axolotl. This is where the hidden link comes into play. Below is a picture of where the link leads to.

Take note of the first highlighted section. Dipper is asking what the Axolotl knows about Bill Cipher. Now, seeing as the Axolotl resides in the “time and space between time and space,” it could have the ability to see and know all of what happens in other places of time and space. This would give the Axolotl a distanced, somewhat unbiased view of what happened in Bill’s original dimension.

The riddle that is boxed gives some insight into Bill’s past from what the Axolotl knows. The first two lines refer to Bill - proof of him being an equilateral triangle due to the three sixty degree angles the Axolotl describes.

The third and fourth lines explain what happened to Bill’s dimension. The dimension burned, and he misses it. The “can’t return” at the end of the fourth line seems to hint that he is trying to get back to his dimension, or is trying to undo its destruction. Also note that Bill watched his dimension burn, meaning he was likely already outside of his dimension. Say this was his first time dimension hopping, and his first time leaving his dimension had some kind of effect like Weirdmageddon did on Earth - only, instead of there being weirdness waves that changed the environment, it was something much worse which basically rendered the entire dimension uninhabitable or entirely wiped it from existence.

Moving on, the Axolotl implies that Bill is lying to himself about being happy, and possibly other things. “Blame the arson for the fire”  could have several meanings at this point. Was there someone else who actually destroyed Bill’s universe? Should we be blaming Bill because he is the arson? Does Bill blame someone else who is the true arson? Seeing as the word “Blame” is a mere imperative verb that is ordering a person or thing to do something, and there is no other person or personal pronouns given in the sentence, it is hard to say who the Axolotl is ordering. If it was “blames,” then it could be derived that it means “Bill blames” since “You blames,” referring to Dipper and likely the only other person the Axolotl could be thinking of in this context, doesn’t make grammatical sense.

The seventh line seems fairly obvious, and the only questions left are: who is Bill shirking the blame to, and what blame precisely? He has supposedly committed hundreds of atrocities and probably broken all the laws in every universe just to say he did, so is he putting the blame for all of his actions on someone else, or just a singular time where he was to blame?

The eighth line likely connects to Bill’s last moments in Stan’s mind. As stated before, Bill says “Axolotl, my time has come to burn. I invoke the ancient power that I may return.” Notice how Bill uses Axolotl’s name, and later says invoke. Kinda obvious connection there. But also note how Bill says “my time has come to burn.” Now, we do see literal fire taking over Stan’s mind, but we never see him actually burn. Of course, this could also point toward a more metaphorical description or that he just needed to rhyme, just as the Axolotl did in answering Dipper’s question, in order to truly invoke the Axolotl.He could also be referencing that he is dying, and that he probably should have died ages ago with the rest of his dimension which burned, but hey. I look for double meanings everywhere. Especially with Bill Cipher.

As for the last two lines… The fandom can only speculate on it. Bill can only liberate himself by doing one singular thing. And apparently a different form and different time are involved. That could have many different meanings. “Different form” could be physically or mentally - Bill could be a different shape, could be reborn as another species somehow, could reaffirm himself and admit the truth, or he could simply get some kind of interdimensional cold and be “out of shape.” The other half seems pretty obvious: “a different time.” It could be the future, the past, the present, the in between times, or even the second or third or hundredth time he tries to make amends.

A different form and time could also refer to a different universe, which holds a different form and different times, or himself entering Gravity Falls’ dimension and gaining a physical body (new form) and trying to start a new reign in another dimension that (this time) won’t just collapse someday without warning.

Basically, the Axolotl states that (in my own opinion) Bill possibly had a hand in the destruction of his home dimension, but likely tried to stop said destruction and failed. He misses his home and can’t return, but is still trying to find a way back to it. He’s lying to himself and someone is definitely to be blamed for the destruction of his universe, but he won’t admit to it. Bill needs the Axolotl in order to put the blame on someone else, and there is only one way, in another time and another form, that he can free himself from the blame.

Alright. Onto The Oracle. Finally.

In the Third Journal, Ford explains what exactly what happened for those 30 years he was missing. After getting attacked in a 2-D Dimension, he met The Oracle in Dimension 52. She knew all about him and his “mission” to defeat Bill. She was the one who helped Ford get a metal plate in his head. She also was the one who told Ford about Bill’s past.

The first few things I want to go over is the page in which Ford depicts The Oracle. She stands, staring with crossed arms partially obscuring an amulet, in front of what seem to be tapestries of the Axolotl. Bubbles and/or orbs seem to be hanging from the ceiling and rising from the floor in front of the tapestries.

The Third Journal does show that some people in the multiverse know of the Axolotl and the Oracle seems to have some kind of psychic power, evidence when she knew Stanford’s name, his purpose, and what he was destined to do. So perhaps that isn’t as interesting as it first appears. The amulet is also rather intriguing… Could it be in the shape of an eye?

But what about the bubbles and orbs?

I kinda feel like I’m looking too deeply into this, but the only other time when bubbles seem to be important is during Weirdmageddon when Bill uses a bubble to trap Mabel and unleashes weirdness bubbles on the town. It seems somewhat weird that the person who gives Ford all the answers seems to have some kind of connection to Bill - albeit a stretched connection with just these pieces of information in hand. It just seems too much like he’s being used again, which I’ll get into later.

Ford, on some level, seems to notice the connection between the Oracle and Bill. The symbols underlined above the circled Axolotl can be decrypted to read, “The opposite of Bill.” This seems to make sense with what little we know of her. She seems to know all, but never tells Ford that she is indeed psychic or omniscient - notice how Ford states, “Whether she was psychic or had just read my wanted poster is hard to say,” implying that he doesn’t know how she knew about him. She is also noted to be “calm” when talking about her desire to end Bill’s reign. However, Bill seems to believe himself to be omniscient due to his ability to peer into all realms from his Nightmare Realm. But he constantly doesn’t foresee issues - Mabel knocking the safe’s code out of his hands in Dreamscaperers and outsmarting him in Sock Opera, the Weirdness Containment Bubble around Gravity Falls, the dino-arm pulling his eye out, the Stans swapping clothes. He also is known to be rather hotheaded and, as many people in the fandom point out, likely to be insane.

Now, you might be wondering where all this comes into play, right? Well, if you look at the second page, where Ford details their encounter a bit more, he says that the Oracle told him that Bill was power hungry, which caused him to burn his dimension and everything and everyone in it.

That doesn’t sound like what the Axolotl said, right? Which is why people are conflicted on what, or rather who, to believe.

But why would she shape her words into something that Ford could easily misinterpret? Well, first things first: she’s an oracle and prophecies can be easily misinterpreted. But that seemed to fit a bit too easily, so I looked a little harder at the wording of the document and came to one conclusion:

She wants Bill dead and out of the picture.

My reasoning? 1) Look at the line “She spoke of him without anger, but with a calm, steely, clinical resolve to see his reign end.” Pretty straight forward. Ford can tell that she doesn’t like Bill’s reign and will not stop until he is stopped. 2) “She… said I had the face of the man who was destined to destroy Bill.” She said destroy Bill, not Ford’s constant “defeat” that he mentions throughout the series. Destroy means to utterly annihilate, reduce to nothing, ruin emotionally and spiritually, to kill. If this is what she said to him, then she obviously wasn’t just messing around. 3) Ford and her spent the entire night partying after she revealed this. They were partying about someone’s death. Kinda harsh

There is one other point that really hammers it into me that the Oracle was manipulating her own words: her own name. The first paragraph reveals her name to be Jheselbraum the Unswerving. The Unswerving. Which means that once she’s dedicated to something - like destroying a dimension hopping demon by the name of Bill - she will not stop until she succeeds.

Seeing as Ford mysteriously found himself in another dimension after he and the Oracle partied together, it’s pretty obvious that she didn’t tell Ford about him being destined to defeat Bill until that last day. You’d expect someone whom could pull someone out of another dimension into their own, whom knew who Ford was way before they met, whom already had a difficult surgery in mind to aid Ford, and whom was obviously invested in taking Bill down to simply tell Ford that he was the multiverse’s savior, right?

She instead kept it all a secret until the last day, at which point Ford was even more resolute to kill Bill instead of just defeating him and keeping him out of his dimension. 

So who do you trust more? Or do you trust no one? On one hand you have a mysterious being that answered Dipper’s question with a riddle instead of a straight answer, and said riddle could be seen in a variety of lights. On the other, you have an equally mysterious Oracle who might have manipulated her words to ensure Ford’s resolve against Bill.

It's just my opinion! So you don't have to say anything about it! :)))

[clownsgobeepbeep]

Phantom

*sings* Boy you got me fucked up-

Warnings for stalking and pretty disturbing content imo. I tried to water this down but...my god...

Friday afternoon.

Always the same place. Always the same time. Always the same booth. Always the same order.

Have a nice day, her lips read. Cherry-red lips shaped like a cupid’s finely crafted bow, curled up into a polite smile directed towards the waitress that had just left her booth. At this point,reading her lips was like reading a book, just following whatever word came next.

Through the glass pane that divided her from the outside world he watched, watched as her thin fingers dug into the coin purse shaped like a pink axolotl, soon pulling out a few dollar bills that were placed on the table for the tip.

She stood up, wiping herself with her napkin one last time. Finally, she made her way from the booth and through the diner, waving her hand goodbye to the old man that wiped the main counter. There was no need to hear her for the lip-reading alone was more than enough, but he every now and then chose to allow her voice into his ears.

At this point, hearing her every move was built into his system, every vibration beating in his chest like the drumming of his heart.

Her heeled shoes clicked and clacked with every dainty step, causing the ends of her golden bob to bounce in an almost elegant manner. He heard the clicking cease before a key was inserted into the keyhole of her teal car, its driver door soon opening before she hopped into the driver’s seat.

There was a slight squeak when she reached up to adjust the rear-view mirror, cherry lips having curled down slightly as she realized this was not the way she had left it. There was no way somebody could have touched her mirror without anyone realizing some stranger reached inside her convertible vehicle.

Shrugging it off, she reached down to the cup holders to grab her lipstick to redo the one on her lips. That was when her eyes were drawn down to an emptiness, no lipstick in sight. She now furrowed her eyebrows, desperately looking around the car to find the missing lipstick.

From a distance he watched her slight fit of panic, his lips curling up with a snicker as he fiddled with the heart-shaped item. His own hazel eyes trailed down to look at it.

“Take Me.” he read in a whisper, a shaky breath escaping his lips before his eyes went back up to her, seeing that she had given up and instead retorted to grabbing the lipstick she kept in her purse as a backup.

She removed the lid before the stick was placed on her lips, hazel eyes looking through the mirror to apply the faded color. It wasn’t until she saw another pair of hazel eyes in the mirror that made her turn around in a panic, heart having stopped in that instant as she saw nobody behind her car.

Perhaps she was tired and was now seeing things in her mirror. It wouldn’t be the first time and she was mostly certain that all forces against her had given up.

She decided to reapply her lipstick at home, tucking the tube back inside her purse before starting up the engine. She began to reverse her car, realizing that something was off with the movement. 

Perhaps something was behind one of her wheels.

So she got down from the car, circling around it once before finding the problem she faced. The back wheel on the right side was popped, something small and round lodged into it. Once realizing this, she reached down to grab what was most likely a nail, ripping it out and discarding it to the side.

Without her knowledge, the item’s tiny legs extended out, helping it crawl away and towards the shadows where it knew it was meant to be. In the shadows was he who had purposely sent it out, chuckling to himself at the prideful work done by his parasitic minion.

“Dammit.” he heard, looking back up at her. Her petite form made its way back into the diner, sighing as she began talking to the old man from before.

He gave her a comforting smile, telling her that he would do as she requested.

She had asked to leave the car there until the morning, or just until one of her beaus came to fix it. The older man asked what she would do in the meantime. She would walk.

From the shadows she was watched, the observer almost cackled in glee. Her latest form of transportation proved to be a nuisance when it came to spectating her, always making her trips far too short for his taste.

From where he stood he could tell that she was told to wait just a minute, that walking alone wasn’t her best option no matter the time of day.

She insisted it was alright.

He couldn’t help but let out a smirk, tilting his head in satisfaction as he waited for her to walk out of the diner again. This could have been the time to finally reintroduce himself to her. But perhaps, he could wait a little longer. The anticipation only made things more thrilling, watching her from afar for this long without her knowing.

His eyes landed on her facial features once again, skin colored like a fuzzy peach that had two rosy cheeks. Perky little nose that still had the slightest tint of pink left from her childhood, something that always embarrassed her but he always adored, especially with his inheritance of it. 

The blonde bob always framed her heart-shaped face so perfectly. Long eyelashes popping from behind her fringe to flutter like a butterfly’s wings, almost teasing anyone that saw such a simple but coy action.

He clutched his coat in a tight grip with both of his hands, almost clawing into them with the sharp tips of his fingers as his eyes followed every curve of her body. Her white sweater was neatly tucked into the denim skirt that hugged her bottom half ever so perfectly, revealing her thin legs that were finished off with little red boots.

Her left hand clutched her purse that was too in the sphere of a red heart, just like the tiny red hearts that adorned her long nails. These gently tapped themselves on the new leather material while the ones on the other hand dug into her hair, practically combing it before a stray strand was tucked behind her ear. Even on here she wore hearts, her earrings that dangled and skipped beats like the heart that pounded even harder in the chest of her observer. It was all very appropriate for a Queen of Hearts.

Said observer had been far too focused on taking in as many details as possible that he had lost track of time, a minute of doting over every single thing had actually been a few minutes, long enough to cancel the girl’s solitary walk home.

“Hey! What are you doing here?”

He blinked a few times before actually paying attention to the situation, eyes furrowing deeply as he realized that there was a newcomer in the diner. There was no need to hear a name or see a face to this person, it was the mere tone in which ‘you’ was spoken as well as the setting itself.

A male with raven hair had entered the building, his arms already wrapped around the object of interest’s much smaller form.

She spun around after a moment of surprise, hazel eyes becoming half lidded as her hands carefully planted themselves on the male’s chest. Fingers made slight, tantalizing motions before her hands slid high up with her digits now entangled in the dark hair. One hand had actually remained lower, placed on the male’s cheek to gently caress it, the former’s face turning to kiss the palm that faced him.

“Sonny called me, Atlas nor I were going to let you walk home alone.”

“I told Sonny-” the girl eyed the older man with false anger. “-that I could go on my own. I can take care of myself.”

“We know you can,” the male leaned down to plant his cracked lips on the girl’s soft hair, sparking a boiling rage in the one that could only stare from afar. “But we love protecting you so much.”

“Whatever.” she replied, soon enough parting from his embrace. It wasn’t long until she was outside once again, this time with the adversary that continuously told nothing but ridiculous comments, flashing crooked grins and off-beat winks every now and then.

The pair was watched as the scene unfolded, the male kneeling down after picking up a spare wheel from the vehicle’s trunk. He looked up at the girl, teeth biting into his bottom lip as he practically ogled her form like an infatuated fool.

It was maddening how the girl returned a similar look, but not as fatuous as the male that even had to be reminded to turn his attention to the wheel that required changing. But once he had finished with the task, his eyes were again glued onto the girl’s legs, the left being lifted off the ground in an almost enticing manner so that he could place a soft kiss.

“You have anywhere to be right now?” she spoke above a whisper so that only he could hear her suggestive tone.

“If I did, I would have told Atlas to be here.” the male kissed her bare shin again, receiving a ‘stop’ in the form of a giggle that resulted in him standing up before caging his partner between his body and her car.

Disgusting.

If looks could kill, the male’s life could have been terminated in an instant with how he was stalked. The attention was no longer on the girl but on him instead, poisonous thoughts directed his way as he placed his hands on the girl’s hips. His fingers could have bruised her skin with how he was digging his fingers into her, tainting her with his brute force.

There was no hypothetical possibility here of all the things he could do with so much anger kept in the stalker’s form, he could have killed the other male without a second thought. He could have gotten rid of his problems right there and then, all of them.

But no.

He was smarter than that.

He was clever.

He was patient.

There was no need for elimination, only waiting. 

Waiting with an open embrace for those cherry-red lips to genuinely smile at him and only him. 

Waiting with an open embrace for those hazel eyes to be half-lidded and fixated on only him.

Waiting with an open embrace for those hands to hold and caress him and him alone.

Snapping out of these thoughts filled with hope, he turned away from the repulsive scene before standing erect and turning on his heel. There was no point in staying at this point in time, he already knew what would be going on once the flirtations supposedly ceased. 

Reaching into his pocket, the watcher tugged on a golden chain that was connected to an elegant pocket watch, one in the shape of a heart. On it was a single hand that he moved with his thumb, making a half-moon shape until stopping. As this happened, time and space moved just for him as he found himself hours later in a new location.

Darkness had now fallen the town as well a silence, not a creature stirring at this time of the night he found himself in.

There were not many sources of light to illuminate his way, but there was no need for it. 

Night vision was good enough, but muscle memory was much better.

He followed a trail he could almost see after having walked through it several times, eyes glued onto the building he approached.

Through a glass pane he could see a source of illumination, many tiny ones in fact. Tiny stars that would glow in the darkness when the right time came. He had grown accustomed to seeing them often despite the pink-colored curtains that concealed his view from what was on the opposite side of the glass.

With nothing but thoughts alone, the curtains parted open to reveal a bed situated almost in the center of the bedroom the stalker leered into.

There was a glisten in his eyes as a smirk tugged at the left corner of his lips, heart palpitating with thrill as his sights landed on the girl from before. 

A complete jewel. The jewel of the sea. His jewel.

Her heavenly features so calm, so oblivious to it all.

Painted eyelids carefully shut as her lips twitched every now and then. Her features were no longer peach but a color that resembled the petals of a young daisy, still so soft and pure.

She faced the window after experiences of having to watch her back, the scar being closest to her family that slumbered in the other rooms of the house.

This was one of those nights in which she slept alone, the only source of comfort being the plush toys she kept all around her bed. Her usual blue companion nowhere to be found, instead staying the night with the pups he fathered.

Without a second thought, behind the girl was her watcher, almost cooing at how innocent she looked all cuddled up in bed. There was no way oh her knowing he was there unless he desired it.

It was almost as if he didn’t exist. It was almost as if he was a phantom.

Ever so cautiously, he seated himself right behind her. He brought a finger up to the small of her back, feeling the silky nightwear covering only half of her back. 

His finger was then on the exposed portion of it, trailing up the line of stitches she received years ago. 

She was so fragile. So small. So...perfect.

And with a phantom touch he moved onto her face. As cliche as it sounded, the beauty in her only soared the closer he got to her. 

His digits caressed the smooth texture of her cheeks, moving in circular motions to follow the rosy swirls. With his other hand, he touched his own cheek to move his fingers in the same motion as he imagined the same symbols on his own features. How lovely it would have been to match with her.

Putting aside these thoughts, he followed through with her cherry-red lips now in the form of a heart while the rest of her lips matched her skin.

The tip of his index finger traced the heart as he almost giggled to himself, especially at the thought of the other lips that clashed with hers. Some day, it would all cease, he just knew it. 

But thinking of this left him with a familiar rage, one that had him clutching onto the sheets that covered the girl. It was infuriating that every but he could hold her, that everybody could treat her as they pleased.

So it was in moments like these that he took what was rightfully his.

Thinking back to the male from before, with his arms wrapped around the girl, he mimicked his actions.

Arms snaked around her thin waist as he brought the rest of his body onto her bed, snuggling his face into the exposed part of her back. He took in the sweet scent of flowers and nature that radiated off her, every now and then finding tones that repulsed him; only for her would he stand them.

This was all he wanted.

For her to be here.

For her to hold him.

For her to tell him it was all okay.

Why did she have to leave him? Was he not everything she had always wanted?

Clearly this was the case, and for this he strived to be all that she ever wanted.

With these thoughts he unconsciously squeezed her waist, suffocating for a split second before she jolted awake.

She whipped her head around in every direction possible, even turning down to look at her waist that had nothing but the wrinkled material of her blouse.

She brought her hands down to her abdomen, soothing the area before she brought her head back onto her pillow. 

There was no doubt she was imagining things, perhaps dreaming of them after so many close encounters with disturbed minds and deaths. 

She could only close her eyes once again as she comforted herself, tightly hugging a stuffed toy before bringing herself to sleep once again.

Never realizing that phantom that remained. Just for a little longer.

For tonight, she belonged to him.

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 29: The Dueling Club

Peter found it a genuine relief, once his head stopped ringing, to find themselves not in Hogwarts for now. There was just too much going on in their school that was giving him the creeps, too much trouble Harry kept getting into that they somehow managed to follow.

His confusion still rose of where exactly they were. There were glass cases lined all along the walls and a metal bar protruding from the wall in front of all that as if it were any kind of deterrent, and it took a few moments before he could get to his feet and peak into the nearest one, prepared to dart away the second another dangerous thing lunged out. Instead he found a strange, very tiny little creature with rough brown skin and buggering blue eyes. There were three prongs coming out the back of its head, but four legs that seemed webbed in appearance and a flat tail. His eyes swept down further and he saw a plaque reading Axolotl- Ambystoma mexicanum, with some description of the beast. Looking more properly now along the way again he saw the same type of thing in front of every display. They were in a reptile house.

He'd been to the zoo a few times in his youth, but his mum being a seamstress meant they hadn't much money and it had been a treat. As far as they knew Harry had only been the one time, but that didn't explain why they were here now. Up until this point they'd been following Harry along, this seemed rather out of the way.

"Hey, I think I found the boa Harry was talking to," Frank said as he eyed a great mound of green coils snoozing away.

"I don't think so," Alice corrected. "I distinctly recall that one being brown, and a Brazilian boa. The Emerald's are from Brazil, but not the right species."

"Maybe they don't have it on display anymore," Lily muttered, thinking that whether it had escaped captivity or been caught, someone likely wouldn't want it on sight anymore.*

"Oi, I found a door that opened!" Sirius whooped in triumph, keeping the book loosely under his arm as he sucked in the fresh air. "How about we put this nasty business on hold lads and get some space, I've never been to a zoo before!"

"That was just sad," Remus told him at once, and Peter was more than happy to follow them out of this place. Too many things in here would find him a snack, in both bodies he could assume.

"I want to see the Dudley gorilla," James agreed as he darted past, coming almost at once to a fork in the road. He didn't even hesitate, high on pure energy he darted right and took off at full speed still shouting about all the animals he wanted to see.

"I vote Wormtail fetches him," Remus smirked.

"You literally just used a Padfoot joke on me, I can't decide if I'm offended or flattered," Peter rolled his eyes as he strolled past the two, who were clearly enjoying the clear skies and shady foliage more.

"Go with flattered and do what he says," Sirius suggested.

Peter was already doing so, scoffing about the two turning into layabouts, but turning into a jog to keep James in sight as he took a left. He finally caught up to him as he was bouncing in place and reading the plaque of a reindeer. "Look, look it Wormie! My distant cousins!"

"Prongs, you know just because you can turn into one doesn't mean-"

"Shhh! Don't spoil my fun, think I can get in there with them? Bet I can be king of the herd!"

"James, I really wouldn't recommend-"

He was being ignored, he'd already slipped under the wooden boards and was standing in the space in between, fingers pressed into the mesh gate, eyeing the top as if he could gauge how far the jump was. "Wonder why they only have males in there," he said absently as he tried to fit a trainer into the metal.

"This is one of the few species of deer where females can grow prongs to, I'm sure they're in there," Peter said in resignation as he managed to get both feet off the ground, but stayed there for a moment rather than lifting himself higher.

James hesitated, trying to stretch his arm up higher to get more purchase without toppling over, but couldn't get his feet in well enough to manage such a thing. "Where's Sirius?" He demanded as he wobbled dangerously, looking for more backup than Peter's silent unsupport.

"He and Moony were taking their sweet time while you ran off."

"Been noticing that a lot lately," James groused as he let himself loose and hit the ground, deciding to focus on this. Of course he could have made the climb if he wanted to...it just would have been easier if he'd had his broom.

"Yeah," Peter agreed, keeping the bitterness entirely out of his voice as James acknowledged this as well.

"Probably just catching each other up on every mundane detail Pads missed the past month," James sighed, even as he did gaze back curiously.

"Wasn't much to miss," Peter reminded.

James ignored this, no need to go back and reminisce how quiet their life had somehow gotten with one of their numbers not on speaking terms, so grabbed hold of Peter and began towing him further on. "Oh well, they'll catch up. I saw an exhibit for meerkats isn't far off, let's go see your cousins Pete!"

"I think this place got the sign for this one wrong," Frank told Alice as he inspected the odd creature before him. "That's clearly some kind of zebra."

"Says here an Okapi is a subspecies of giraffes and zebras," Alice agreed. Shrugging at how odd Muggels were for their many sciences, especially in naming creatures. The two moved on, stopping with increasing frequency and more than happy to have Lily around whenever they ran across something odd, like a cart full of bobble-heads.

She seemed to be in a radiant mood, having tied her hair up and was all but skipping ahead of them and only rounded back when they called out a question to her. When curiosity had gotten the better of her and Alice had finally asked why, she'd just smiled and admitted, "the peace and quiet is nice."

It was true they hadn't heard a word of the book yet, which was rather odd, and they wondered if distance had finally pulled the magic too far and they didn't even know if the Marauders were continuing the story somewhere else. Only Frank seemed disappointed in this prospect, the mystery of that monster at Hogwarts still on his mind, they could be missing clues. He was having far too much fun though to really offer the complaint, and didn't dare suggest actually hunting the lot down, bringing the girls moods with this.

"Let's go find the birdhouse," Lily suggested, her eyes sparkling with excitement. They spotted a huge dome like structure in the distance which must have been what caught her eye and easily kept pace with her as she kept up a happy babble. Alice suddenly realized this was really the most she'd heard her talk since this began. "I love birds, did you know their bones are hollow, but still incredibly strong. You can't just snap them in half like a chicken bone."

"Do you own an owl?" Frank asked kindly, but to his surprise the smile dropped from her face.

"No, ah, my parents won't allow it." Her answer sounded very diplomatic, but Frank still regretted asking, having brought her mood back so low.

"My sister, really," she tacked on defensively, her tone edging harder every word now. "She, err, I've asked, but she hates animals, and my parents, err, I mean I have to respect her wishes too."

"Must be hard having siblings," Alice offered.

"Yeah," she agreed, her hand trailing up to catch strands of her hair now and playing with it, walking along at a much calmer pace so to stay even with them now. "She, ah, doesn't like that I can do magic but she can't. It's, been hard to talk to her lately. Last time we really did was our last trip to the zoo, first summer back from Hogwarts. It's like she forgot where I'd been gone all year, and we just talked and had fun all day. Even though she took no interest in the animals, we played games watching Muggles pass by and mum and dad let us even go off ahead of them a bit to show they trusted us being bigger. Then we went to the birdhouse, and I saw the most beautiful owl in there! I started telling her about all the ones at school, and -" She stopped there, both in speech and walking, staying frozen on the spot in front of a cart advertising plushies for all sorts of critters to see in this zoo.

Then she blinked as if coming back to reality and gave them a very guilty look. "Sorry, looks like I'm always putting my foot in my mouth no matter the company. I'll just let you two-"

"Don't be silly," Alice said at once, reaching out and taking her hand with the best smile she could offer. "As if we're going to let you off on your own after spilling your guts like that. Your sister's a twat for not wanting to hear about your life, but we'd love to."

Frank gave an encouraging smile as well, thinking the poor girl needed some fun in her life. Between such a home life and someone like Snape for a friend, she probably didn't get much. "We don't have to go to the bird house, how about we find the food court?"

"No, I want to," she insisted, her eyes lighting with some spark again. "I really did love the place, it's so exotic and probably as close as I'll ever get to seeing the rain forest. Err, it's also on the way to the restaurants," she offered herself.

"Sounds perfect," Alice agreed, now the one dragging both of them along.

Remus and Sirius were unintentionally taking turns watching each other. It was a miracle they'd managed to keep their school bags on them all this time, but when Sirius realized he had, he'd slipped the book into it without a second glance yet, and that had been almost an hour ago now. Finally he could just enjoy some time out, and some alone time with Remus.

The two had already stopped and had a good snog once already, before the sound of something had drawn their startled attention. It didn't sound particularly threatening, and in fact it turned out to be a lion attempting to mimic a roar, though it more sounded like a giant cat hacking up a hairball. Remus had dragged Sirius over and began mocking the beast, and the proud cat actually responded in kind. Sirius nearly fell to the ground laughing as the two kept 'roaring' at each other for a good few minutes.

Then the two had taken off to actually find their mates, looking first in the gorilla house where they'd expected to find them. They did indeed spot the apes, but in the very back hiding in the shaded trees and various equipment they had available to play in. Then they'd been sidetracked at where the warthogs were rummaging about, Sirius being genuinely amazed how tough they looked compared to the bacon he was craving.

Remus had to drag Sirius away from the anteater, while Padfoot still insisted he wanted a closer look at such an odd creature and surely it wouldn't run if he turned into a friendlier dog. They had another good pass at each other before they realized they had an audience in front of the lemurs, and still red faced and fixing their clothes from that, they finally stumbled across their friends gazing at some naked mole-rats.

"There you two are, we been looking all over!" James called in excitement.

"What's with you two, you look all hot and bothered," Peter agreed. There was an odd look in his eye as he saw the pair and then looked back at James, but both ignored him and the question.

"Probably walked right past each other in a place this size," Sirius said off hand. "Let's go find that place Harry mentioned, where we can get some ice cream around here."

They all stopped and had some fun in front of the tigers, each bidding how far they could get in before the big cat realized they were there. Peter insisted he'd make it the farthest, without becoming a meal. Then they came across a bear enclosure, two huge beasts tossing each other about inside. It seemed in good fun, for the animals.

"Come on, we run around with a werewolf once a month, I'll bet I can take them!" James insisted, now more than willing to levitate himself into the enclosure and give it a go.

"Prongs, you are literally something they'd have a joy eating," Peter tried to protest.

"Not if he has backup!" Sirius insisted, bouncing on his heels in preparation.

"You two idiots are going to be murdered and then we're going to be zapped around with corpses," Remus pleasantly informed them. "Please, let's go have some lunch, and then we can come back," he quickly pacified.

They were still happily bickering about it when they found a good sized restaurant and went into the cool air with gratitude, raiding the kitchens for the sweet treats and each making their own scoop before Sirius finally took a grateful seat at a table and digging into the bag for the book.

"So you weren't reading that this whole time?" Peter asked with interest.

"Nah," Remus shrugged, "was just having some jollies about the place like you two."

"I'd been wondering if we'd just get yanked out of here before we'd find you two," James rolled his eyes.

Sirius ignored him too as he finally got started reading the chapter title.

"Glory Black, we could hear you outside, can you yell that any louder," Smith said as she poked her head inside, her face flushed from heat as well but looking almost grateful to have found them.

"You just getting started on that?" Longbottom asked as he came inside as well along with Evans, all three clutching stuffed parrots.

"Yep, glad you could join us," James smiled and very obviously moved himself over to make room for them, her, nearly pushing Peter out of his seat in the process.

Peter scowled and shoved him back just as hard, James nearly face planting his ice cream.

Ignoring the two making snipping comments at each other now, the three sat around comfortably, though not nearly as far away as they could. James still beamed at the proximity, wishing they could spend the rest of this reading adventure here, it was clearly putting Evans in a good mood, she was even smiling as Sirius started off and it didn't even dim that much as the Muggleborns in the school were described during this monster fear.

Regulus spent the entire time staring at penguins. They were funny little things, he'd instantly decided, and had been captivated at once by the flightless birds zooming through the water at such speeds. For a moment he'd even tried to see if he could run faster and been amazed the bird swam the length of it's glass before he could do any such thing. Smiling as the one he'd locked eyes on darted away, he tried to circle around and follow it, finding a nice large tree he could sit under and observe the whole area.

He was sure if a Muggle were to come along he'd be terribly scolded, he'd had to clamber over a large ridge right into the enclosure and several of the birds came up to him within reach, clicking their beaks and eyeing him for food. When he offered nothing they lost interest and began preening each other, the splash of water as the bodies leaped free of their miniature ocean the only noise he heard until Sirius finally began reading the next part of the chapter.

His voice had been so clear Regulus had startled, scattering all the webbed critters that had gone near him back into the water, but when he looked around, there was still no one in sight. Sighing and inching himself further a bit more so that his feet nearly touched the clear surface, he relaxed again and let himself enjoy the tale from a distance for once. He couldn't hear the commentary going along, to which he was grateful for. He could almost imagine it all anyways, his idiot of a brother and his friends laughing about the Potter kid causing trouble in Snape's class, Smith and Longbottom being happy about everything and chatting about the good merits of a dueling club. By the time the chapter even got to the part of Harry attending it Regulus was so relaxed he'd even slipped his shoes off and dipped his feet in the water, surprised by how pleasantly warm it was.

Hearing of Harry actively speaking Parseltongue was of great interest to him, his fascination with Potters child growing all the more as he took control of the situation and spoke the language he'd only heard rumor the Dark Lord could as well. Knowing the child could and actively hearing him do it twice now was enthralling, what his family would give if he could do such a thing as well! Potter and his friends treated it like some bad thing, and Regulus just had to scoff, those kids didn't know how good their life could be if they'd just be a bit smarter, instead all three reminded him of his idiotic brother.

The idea of something happening to a ghost did get his attention, a chill sweeping through him that had nothing to do with the warm sun still beating down. He couldn't blame that Ernie fellow for thinking Harry had done it given the circumstances, but a pureblood should be smarter than that! He should realize you should always look at more options available than just blaming the obvious source, shouldn't he? He was really starting to question that, considering that Hermione friend of Potter's obviously knew better but so many purebloods didn't. Then he swallowed and looked around again, waiting for his mother or one of his friends from school to spot him having such traitorous thoughts-

He cursed and jumped straight out of the enclosure in surprise, not because Potter was going to see the headmaster, but a penguin had taken a nip at his foot, apparently under the delusion it was a snack rather than toes. He drew his wand and took aim at the pestilent bird, but lowered it at the last second as he conceded he had been asking for such a thing to be happening. Then he was pulled away altogether.

[journalxxx]

January 17th, 2013

Albeit coded with my most complex cipher, the delicate and personal nature of the events that have occupied my mind for the past hours makes me hesitant to record them in writing. However, my thoughts have been spinning in circles for so long that I think that even the simple process of establishing a chronological and causal narrative order among them could be of some use to me.

First off, something I had genuinely forgotten until this evening. During my travels, I once found myself temporarily detained in the small jail of a local custom house, for reasons which have no bearing on the topic at hand. The cell opposite mine was occupied by two fascinating jellyfish-like creatures, whose appearance strongly resembled that of our Pelagia Noctiluca species here on Earth, except nearly as tall as an average human being and perfectly adapted to terrestrial survival and ambulation. Since my translator had been confiscated by the authorities and we were such fundamentally different organisms, all my attempts at talking with them were unsuccessful, and the three of us spent the long hours of imprisonment without interacting in any meaningful way. That is, until they started interacting with each other.

To this day, I have no idea what they were actually doing. They may have been fighting, or playing, or even simply communicating. What I do know is that their actions were extremely intriguing to watch. Each movement seemed incredibly slow and cautious, almost lazy at times. They kind of drifted towards each other at first, lightly and gradually, as if they were somehow fluctuating in an immaterial sea current. Their thin and lucid tentacles brushed, then slid along each other, and finally tangled and coiled like the strands of a rope, or the superhelix of a protein. Their appendages seemed to meld as they grew closer and, at one point, when their limbs were so deeply tied that they appeared impossible to unravel, their bells flipped sideways and their rims adhered perfectly, creating a roughly spherical shape above their bodies. They stayed like that for quite a while, at least half an hour, squirming and ondulating slightly against each other.

I remember wishing that the room had been more brightly lit, to allow me to observe the phenomenon more clearly, maybe even catch a glimpse of their inner anatomical structures through their translucent tissues. I remember squinting in the darkness to make sense of the dim reflection of the outer light on their skin, trying to gauge whether their position had changed or the situation had evolved. I remember the strange, subtle scent that slowly pervaded the area, something akin to ammonia. I remember most vividly the noises they made, the soft and wet rustling of their fringed tentacles sliding and knotting, the sharp smacking sound of their bells suddenly misaligning, and then quickly sticking back together like powerful suction cups. I remember, not without shame, my interest gradually turning into something other than purely academical, something of much less intellectual nature. I did not question it at the time, nor would I know how to interpret it even now. I can only imagine that something in their attitude, regardless of what their actual intent may have been, must have resonated with my own human schemes of behavioral interpretation. What may have been the most normal and ordinary social interaction in those aliens' society did look to me as... uniquely intimate and suggestive. I wish I could say I only went as far as acknowledging that bizarre interest, and then promptly and discreetly shrugged it off. I did not. I wish I could blame the hours of boredom, or the years of loneliness, but the recent developments warn me to be wary of such simplistic excuses. As much as it pains me to admit it, I did allow that peculiar sight to rouse me beyond reason and dignity, to the point that I couldn't do anything but relieve that troubling pressure as I could, then and there. The creatures didn't seem to notice in any way, nor did the curious incident have any kind of material or moral consequence. It may have indeed remained buried in my memory for another decade or forever, if something deeply different yet somehow similar hadn't sparked its recollection. I have already written about Stan's penchant for indulging in brief and casual dalliances in most of the towns where we happen to dock. It isn't uncommon for him to spend an entire night out once in a while, nor to display unexpected familiarity with the most diverse individuals, in spite of every and any linguistic or cultural barrier. He is as discreet about it as any man with my brother's particular character and brazen sense of humor might be, though I'm glad to say that this habit of his has never caused us troubles or misunderstandings. However, I now find myself incapable of thinking about this matter like I did before, like an innocuous and abstract piece of information about his usual past-times. And once again I can't help but draw the conclusion that I don't know my brother nearly as well as I thought. I didn't notice anything remarkable about the plain diner we went to yesterday evening and, on Stan's suggestion, today as well. Everything from the food, to the furnishing, to the friendly waitress taking our orders looked absolutely nondescript and ordinary. I did notice the abundance of warm smiles and lingering glances the two were trading but, well. I surprised Stan practising cheesy pick-up lines both on his pet axolotl and on a miner copper statue, so I've always thought that flirting comes as natural to him as breathing. I definitely didn't notice anything strange when he excused himself to "take a leak", as he eloquently put it. Therefore, when I went to the bathroom as well a couple of minutes later, I didn't expect in the slightest to catch a glimpse, behind an ajar "Staff Only" door, of him and waitress clutching at each other, his mouth latched on her neck and his hand under her skirt. Paradoxically, the most remarkable aspect of the whole thing was how strangely unremarkable it was, in some ways. They remained mostly quiet for the entire time, save few hushed encouragements and instructions. As strange as it may sound, it looked like they barely moved, once they started properly. They barely even looked at each other, or rather they did, but only at their bodies, cheeky winks and bright smiles unexplicably gone. For some bizarre reason, the incident in the custom house popped in my mind, and, just as inexcusably as that time, I simply observed, instead of discreetly going my way. I left only after they were done, and I finally headed to the bathroom to gather my thoughts for a minute. I must confess that, if I had witnessed such a scene just few months ago, I fear it would have left me completely unimpressed. I probably would have spared it very little thought, and many denigratory judgements. However, I believe - I want to believe - that I have learned something about Stanley since my return, and that's that he is, despite the appearances, a very whole-hearted man. It boggles my mind that he may be so careless and superficial with something that, in the life of every human being, I believe should be treated with at least some modicum of consideration. I may be reaching, but I feel that, just like with the jellyfish aliens, I may be missing some crucial contextual element, something critical to let me understand exactly what the hell have I stumbled into. Otherwise, it just... doesn't make sense to me. For the sake of honesty, I can't omit the fact that, despite all these puzzling and troubling thoughts, the sight didn't leave me unaffected. I did not indulge my 'interest' - for lack of more delicate definition - like the last time, as I also want to believe that I have some modicum of consideration as well, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't consider the idea, however briefly. Whatever the source of this questionable fascination may be, it wasn't remotely slighted by the fact that one of its objects was my own kin. I don't really know what to make of this either. When I got back to the table, Stan was casually picking the last fries from my plate, calm and cheerful as ever. Not a single word or gesture was out of place when we paid, and the amicable looks and smiles were back in their place. Sometimes I forget how much of a good liar my brother is. If his good mood was even a facade. Maybe not. I honestly have no idea. We set sail to our next destination a few hours ago. I never quite noticed how utterly unaffected Stan seems to be by the idea of leaving his occasional acquaintances for good, people whom he must have bonded with to some degree, I suppose. It strikes me as beyond odd, now, though I may be just overthinking it. We're scheduled for almost a full month of navigation before hitting the next port, so I guess I'll have plenty of time to try to make sense of my doubts.

[fishphibian]

On Keeping Ambystoma Yesterday

Yesterday, I kept axolotls, today, I do not. My second axolotl passed away this morning/last night, and while sad I am much more at peace due to my ability to make sure its last moments were peaceful.

 I found it floating on its side, barely moving, in clearly a dying state; so I immediately went into fish/animal hospital mode, and put it into cooler, 3/4 fresh water. It was fading fast, but I tried to get it breathing again. Although it seemed like I was doing nothing, with some gill stimulation and sportfishing style revival techniques, I saw it start to breath again, fairly normally despite still being weak and seemingly unable to move its legs. It started to attempt to gasp at air, and did several times, but it was clearly getting weaker and weaker until it simply stopped. It's breathing slowed more and more, and I stayed with it, trying to prevent it from floating on its side which was clearly a source of discomfort. Eventually basically at its deathbed and helping both its water and air breathing when it wanted it, I managed to get it into a position where it was right-side up, and not floating. As close to an axolotl sleeping position as possible. By late last night before I slept, it was clear it has slipped away, so I placed it in the aquarium; for if it had any consciousness left at all in its body, I felt being surrounded by where it had spent its life would be better than a light blue hospital. I can't remember when axolotls became one of my favourite animals. It might have actually happened at the same time as the Pokemon Wooper (Upa) came into being. I had found a toy of Wooper months, if not a year before Pokemon Gold and Silver would be released in North America, and picked up it and Quagsire right away when I saw them at the import place of the flea market. They instantly became some of my favourite characters/species in the series, based on an obscure neotenous salamander, and what I would later learn a very popular pet, and vaguely popular food in Japan and the rest of Asia. Not to mention its amazing medical applications due to regeneration. Being neotenous, the axolotl became somewhat of a totem for me, as someone who was entering adulthood, but realizing that my love of things like Pokemon, and animation and dinosaurs and cute colourful things wasn't fading with age. Although I was becoming more mature, I wasn't losing many of my childhood interests as I saw happen to some others, and what I knew was expected based on general media. I had always wanted a pet axolotl, before even they had become more important to me. I had kept newts and frogs and lizards of all kinds, but in my salamander books they would always recommend axolotls. I had a larval tiger salamander (also from the same genus) for a while, but it of course grew up into an admittedly very pretty and powerful adult salamander. It just didn't have the appeal of those feathery gills that basically made it look like a fairy or dragon. Ontario stores simply didn't carry axolotls. When I came back from Japan, having seen axolotls in crane games/UFO catchers of all places; I noticed a local reptile show had a vendor seemingly specializing in axolotls. That weekend I bought a tank, and brought my two axolotls home, soon casually naming them Joven and Conetl, slight mutations of Mexican and Spanish words for young and child. They had different personalities despite being simple creatures. They had silly moments, mood shifts, and despite being solitary animals, seemed to like each other's company aside from during feeding time. After a year and a half or so they fully outgrew their cave which they both loved half-curling up in, and I provided them both live, and plastic plants for shelter and climbing. I learned a lot about modern small aquarium filtration, and a lot about axolotl behaviour. But mostly, I learned that I gain so much by having some animals to care for and look to. They helped me through some challenging times, and it was always easy to project smiling faces onto them weather they were "happy" or not. I was also very lucky that their gills remained feathery and expressive throughout their lives, allowing me to easily check and change conditions if they seemed unwell. Sadly it seemed as though whatever happened to end their lives was not water based and something internal or neurological. I don't know if I'm going to try and obtain another axolotl or two any time soon. Despite disappointment in myself andthe random chances of nature; I would like to own the species again, just maybe not super soon. As I stare at the now empty, still aquarium void of life I'm a little sad, as it was always something I could look to basically since I got back from Japan. Although they are majestic, my dart frogs are tiny, even without the sun glare blocking my view, chances of seeing and making even a one way connection with them is often difficult. I'll miss having axolotls, but I know the species and I will meet again one day. So I'll wait. Wait for a time where I'll always know someone who can take care of them should I go on a trip longer than a weekend, wait until I know I'm once again ready, and wait until I'm hypnotized by their tiny hands and feet again one day at a reptile show, and I decide again I want to see an animal that never fully matures, grow to its full potential. I think that's okay. 

[le-fleurbleue]

Can you answer please? 1-Name, age & height 2-Favorite music 3-Favorite animal 4-Favorite color 5-Favorite food, drink & dessert 6-Do you cook? 7-Where in abroad would you like to go? 8-What's your favorite season? 9-What are you afraid of? 10-Introvert or extrovert? 11-What do you want to have now? 12-Ideal type+date 13-In what place do you mostly feel calm? 14-Your strong & weak points 15-How do you relieve from stress? 16-What are you happy about recently? 17-Tell me smt random about yourself

I feel comfortable with these questions so, why not!

1- Name: ileana | Age: 20something :-) | Height: 1.65 m2- Favorite music: Rock and all its sub-genres.3- Favorite animal: Bunnies, cats, dogs, sea turtles, Jellyfishes & pink Axolotls.4- Favorite color: Black, Indigo and dusty rose.5- Favorite food: Spicy & grilled food, sushi, pizza & sweet potatoes | Favorite drink: Green tea w/lemon, Chai latte and Coffee | Favorite dessert: Cheesecake.6- Do you cook? Yes, I cook sometimes, but I prefer baking! :D 7- Where in abroad would you like to go? Every place in the world if possible, starting with my own country, but I’d love to explore Japan, Hong Kong, India, China, Seoul, Italy and Morocco, the most.8- What’s your favorite season? Winter, because I hate the hot weather and I love Christmas and also spring, because I love seeing flowers everywhere. 9- What are you afraid of? Of losing my loved ones, I’m also afraid of clowns, needles on my body, like injections and stuff like that :S and lizards.10- Introvert or extrovert? Definitely I’m more of an introvert.11- What do you want to have now? Stability in every aspect of my life.12- Ideal type and date :      *Ideal type: I don’t have an ideal type when it comes to physical appearance, maybe someone my height or taller than me, but I’d love if he’s kind, respectful, loyal, open-minded, honest, loves me lots, adventurous, intelligent (I’m not asking for an Einstein, but it’d be great if he’s someone I can have a conversation with, has goals in life, and can cope with adversity) and can be my best friend, etc.  :-) I don’t like opposites, so it’s important for me that we both share at least few things in common so we can enjoy our moments together waaaay more ;) like a trip or road trip, a movie, the same song or food, you know, simple things like those and of course we’ll learn from each other and probably end up enjoying the things we didn’t share in commont too, but I doubt I’d fall for someone 100% opposite of me. It seems that I’m asking for too much when it comes to personality, but It’s just that I’m willing to give him back all that and more.     *Ideal date: I believe that if I ever meet the right person, someone I can feel comfortable with no matter what and loves me so much, then going for a walk, going for a coffee, watching a movie or any date will be ideal and the best.     P.D. I’m being too honest here, maybe because it’s +4:00 am, & I’m kinda anonymous here, I’d never answer this on Facebook xD13- In what place do you mostly feel calm? My room.14- Your strong & weak points: Strong: I learn fast, I can multi-task, creative, honest, hard-working, I think I’m a good listener, I learn from my mistakes, etc. I think there are a few more but next.Weak: Sometimes I overthink too much and that’s a pain in the a*s, I can’t say no when someone ask for help, even if those people only talk to me when they need a favor from me T.T I just don’t like to hurt people or make them feel bad and since I’m a good person some take advantage of that, lol I have too many weak points but next.15- How do you relieve from stress? By listening to music, baking, reading, watching series, films or animations, painting, and when I was with my bunny I didn’t feel stress at all, he was the best friend ever ♡ I miss him so much!16- What are you happy about recently? I’m happy that my mom, family and friends are healthy and doing great with their lives.♡17- Tell me smt random about yourself: I don’t smoke, I’m a light weight drinker therefore I don’t drink alcohol unless my friends beg me because it’s their birthday or smt like that smh -.- lol, I love humble and genuine people, I have a half brother I never talked with in my life :c, I was studying japanese but had to stop to focus on my thesis (I’ll go back to my jap lessons as soon as I can), I can’t fall asleep before 4:00 am and I want to change that asap and there’s more but I have things to do in a few hours.

I wrote a lot but I had so much fun doing this! :D sorry if some answers seem rushed but I really have to try to sleep a little.