#I know so much is in the past
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man having grown up in an abusive household makes it so hard to tell when something is a normal disagreement a normal family would have and what is a fight that is absolutely something a normal healthy family would never ever have… like…. 😐
#it happened so fast too I can’t even process how it set off#context being my mom got really dizzy which happens because of her condition#and so we asked her to lay down#about 30 min later she’s back up again making sandwiches for my dad#we all start like calmly kinda teasingly being like cmon dad#she should be laying down why did you have her get up for that#and then my sister said something and then my dad got louder and she got louder and I was like why are we yelling#and so I had to get loud and it was just a whole mess#and my dad got really really fucking mad#and was being a total dick in my opinion#over like… nothing#and my mom sounded all scared and idk man it was a very weird interaction#and I was really shocked up about it because my brain just always goes back to when we used to get hit#but we’re adults now so I’m sure that won’t happen again but sometimes the way my dad gets pissed off#like it feels like it still could happen again one day ykno….#idk#I know so much is in the past#but it still feels like it happen again every so often and it’s very very very scary lol#anyways I can’t wait to leave <3 hahaha#but seriously like is that normal idk probably not I wish I had some sort of reference to what a healthy parent is supposed to be like#i don’t know a single person with a good relationship w their parents at least not both of them#it’s always just like one or none of them lmao#anyways#</3#abuse cw#also to make matters worse this all happened during our movie nights we’ve been having#to make my sisters boyfriend feel welcome in the family#since he moved in#like I can’t imagine moving into my partners house#and just hearing like constant screaming fighting matches randomly throughout the week like ok 😐😐😐
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Physically? I am sitting in my bedroom. Mentally? Spiritually? I AM DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!! THESE TWO HAVE KILLED ME!!!!
(Another drawing! This was originally attempt #1 at drawing stan, and then fiddleford just showed up. Kinda feels like them five minutes after the above acting like nothing happened though, so it works sdjkgkjfshj)
#HEALED FIDDLEFORD HAS ME BOUNCING OFF THE FUCKING WALLS!!!!!!! GIVE THE MAN A BRIGHT HAPPY FUTURE!!! FUCK!!!!!#I don't know how i'm coming off right now#when i say that i've been super manic about them for the past week I really mean it#guys Idk but I think I might be fiddlestans number one fan#I liked this pairing before book of bill and after reading it it only solidified things#IT IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A CRACK SHIP TO ME!!!!!!!!#fiddlestan#gravity falls#anyway this is supposed to be them the next summer#stan is working the shack to tutor soos for tourist season#fiddleford has changed while the twins were on the stan o war#STAN DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL AT FIRST and they have a lot of shit to work through from their past before they can start making out dksjds#sketchbook#traditional art#pencil drawing#traditional drawing#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#gravity falls fanart
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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crowley
#fem presenting crowley you're everything to me#as you might know I've been recovering from an injury these past few weeks which is why I couldn't draw as much as usual#been doing a bit better so I wanted to give drawing a try again#while my arm isn't back to normal yet it feels a LOT better than 2 weeks ago#which is a good sign#still gonan take things easy of course#good omens#good omens fanart#crowley#fem crowley#why was one of teh suggestions for that tag fem crocodile#I'll have to look that up#david tennant#crowley fanart#aziracrow#aziracrow fanart#my art#fanart#my good omens art#good omens 2
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dead man walking
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itadori yuuji#yuji itadori#yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#not me triple counting that i drew all 20 fingers gHJFHGH#in the sketch i only had 18 so that tells u all u need to know about my ability to count past 5#so much RED in this i feel so at home#challenges self one (1) time to not use red in a piece n IMMEDIATELY drowns the next one in it afterwards#listen . listen ok if tbhk can do it so can i .#is yuuji's character colour technically orange ???? lmao well not with me its not slaps red on that boy#i love u yuuji sorry i keep drawing u sad and/or cannibalistic :(
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Someone's last crush didn't live up to the hype 😬
#yes fyodor literally called dazai by name a second ago what of it#WHY did he say it like that!! ''atsushi i'm going home to sleep come with me 😘'' WHAT#i don't even know if this should count as ship art it reads more like fyodor's obsession with dazai grasping at straws to bounce back#up next: fyodor's past flirting with natsume TRUST dazai was the also a bounceback bf#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd fanart#bsd spoilers#bsd manga spoilers#bsd 119#bsd atsushi#bsd nakajima atsushi#bsd fyodor#bsd fyodor dostoyevsky#nawy's comics#i tried to get something out of this comic but i have so much trouble being funny these days i'm so dissatisfied with everything😔
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Soup solves everything.
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#Senshi#izutsumi#chilchuck tims#laios touden#marcille donato#THE SOUP CHAPTER HAS BEEN ANIMATED#I have so many thoughts about senshi's backstory and how much that experience has shaped who he is.#This is such a powerful moment because it makes it clear how *stuck* senshi has been because of his trauma.#Up until now he has been a mystery! He's the chef guy! Don't worry about his apparent reclusiveness from society!#Don't worry about his intense need to make sure 'the young ones are fed'!#Senshi still has a lot of healing but this was the moment he could finally forgive himself.#This chapter is so important to me because sometimes you truly do need to face the most terrifying things to move past them.#This joke here is a bit too narrow to be funny for the masses...but mdzs fans know.#MDZS :handshake: Dungeon Meshi: Soup moment.#Laios and Jiang Yanli have a powerful magic call "Eat some soup and maybe you'll feel better'#That is also a spell you can cast upon yourself. Go eat some soup and you will feel better. Merry Soupmas everyone.#One more week of Thistle Thursdays....I'm not ready to say goodbye B*(
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Random question, have you think of Ratio's parents are Alhaitham and Kaveh?
it doesn't make a lot of sense since star rail and genshin timelines are so far apart but it's still one of my favorite ratio headcannons, like what if ratio's interest in engineering comes from growing up with mehrak
#dr ratio#haikaveh#kavetham#as much as i want to know more ratio lore i do sometimes like that we dont know anything about his past other than that he was super smart#so we can slap him whatever bonkers family headcannons and it would still work#mehrak
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🌱✂️ (crop from this month's patreon piece)
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#thanks to everyone who's supported me there over the past couple of years#i know i haven't posted much publicly#most of what i've done lately is only on there bc it's either hard to crop and share nicely#or it's just sketches#the past 2ish years have been the worst of my life so unfortunately that translates also to less art to share
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It's "bully Azul" time !!
(Og post here)
#(it pained me so much to draw Azul in the ugly Subway uniform)#you know#the more I think about it the more I realize I didn't grow past the 4 year old phase of bullying the kid you like#what do you mean 'I can't put snails on their head'?#how am I supposed to get their attention otherwise ?#that's me with my blorbos#I'm actually a 4 year old kid cosplaying as an adult#mello's drawings#twisted wonderland#twst#jamil viper#azul ashengrotto#twst mc#twst yuu#meme redraw#azujami#jamiazu#ashenviper#art#my art#oc x canon
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self-made north star
#art#coyote#coyotes#printmaking#linocut#linoleum print#traditional#traditional art#my art#i've had. so much shit going on lately artwork-wise and i've been scrambling to get like. five different things done this past#week i am TIRED and i have to teach every day this week i will be a fine paste come monday#when i can finally take a day and. not do anything. good lord#on the bright side my stuff is coming out well so. could be worse#i love youuuu lino prints#this one's big bc i was like. i want a coyote shirt but i know the vibes i want so. i will make it myself#i've been too busy to print this on clothes yet but. i will. by god
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Prompt 215
Danny has found himself as a cat. And there’s good news and bad news about it. The good news is that he’s a magical cat or something similar, seeing as he has two tails and can go Very Big if he wants to. Bad news? He’s pretty sure they’re in a different dimension now.
Cute news, both Ellie and Jordan are itty bitty kittens and utterly adorable, he would murder for them. They’re so tiny! Like, yeah they got physically de-aged before all this so they could properly pass as his kids- along with part of Dan’s parole- but this? He could hold them in his hands if he still had them!
Alright! First things first, find a shelter and avoid the destroyed buildings along with whatever destroyed them in the first place. Then he could figure out if this is an accident or some sort of forced vacation. But shelter first.
#DCxDP#DPxDC#DP x Marvel#Prompts#Nekomata Danny#De aged Dan#De aged Ellie#Overprotective feral Danny is about to wreck shit if someone so much as looks at his kids wrong#He’s a big fluffy feline with two “ghost orbs” floating by his tails in cameras#”Is that a fucking Lazarus Pit/Death Cat???”#What time is Danny in? Good question#He could be in any time in the past or present or future#Maybe they’re there for several centuries who knows#if DC I bet he'd get along with Dex-Star
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So.
Act 5, huh?
Oh, and that.
"You can start breakdown now."
Finished the game couple of days ago and had some thoughts I needed to process a little. Like. Yes.
So anyway I actually didn't plan this and just wanted to redraw some sprites to just make sure I understand how to draw Siffrin correctly (still working on that!)
What did I learn from this? How fun it it to draw on a canvas that literally doesn't let you draw with colors without some layer cheating when necessary. Never tried it.
The beans. Sleeping beans.
Basically what happens when you want to sleep AND draw. Draw characters sleeping on your behalf.
Doesn't help, but at least it's cute.
I have no idea what was going on in my mind as I drew this. Feels like a fever dream of 'I want to sleep' at 4 am and 'Hm...' of thinking random things
Also that phone craft sign. Still too funny to imagine. I had to.
#fanart#sketch#my art#isat spoilers#isat#siffrin#siffrin isat#isat loop#in stars and time#I also tried to draw the Party too! But that one sketch is too rough yet!#And I'll probably never post it it was fun to draw them tho#Anyway I had /thoughts/ playing Act 5#Not great ones too! I would rather they stayed where I would never even know they exist#But I had to while playing so I did#So it took some time to just sit with everything also I spend a lot of time just doing achievements#One left! The annoying one.#NG+ is fun too#I'm still surprised by how much I enjoyed it#Like 'staying until 6 am playing 10 hours straight' kind of enjoyed#From 'hm I wonder what's it about' to 'yeah I cried multiple times so I think it's allowed to live in my head too'#I got sick multiple times on related and unrelated reasons while playing and planning to play that wasn't fun#Anyway it's cool have some sketches because I couldn't stop drawing last night#I love drawing characters being emotionally in pain but that requires specific mood and music to go with#And not overdoing it#Like when drawing first one 'Aishite' was on loop the whole time#It's b&w too! Red layers are added with 'paste' magic love that
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kneeling is a broad term for what ghost does with price
surrendering is slightly more accurate but even that doesn’t hope to touch the sheer desperation in the way he clutches at him; his body bowed low at his feet, his legs latched around one of his, hugging it so tightly to his chest his arms shake as he digs his face into his thigh
it’s only here that he can finally give in to the screaming; to the distant voice he strangles into silence every day of his life. the one who begs him to make himself as small as possible; do everything he can to hide from the ever encroaching demons growling and salivating at his heels
it’s only here, in the dark of price’s barracks, hidden by a bed at his back and a wall to his front, that he finally lets himself stop running; only between solid combat boots and worn fatigues does he let himself tremble and admit to the choking fear
he’d break open price’s chest if he could; crawl past his gushing viscera and curl up under his ribs, hidden in the warm dark
ghost clawed his way out of the grave with broken nails and gritted teeth but he wouldn’t mind being buried again if it meant being cradled in the safety of price’s insides. his warm blood and soft lungs would blanket him, mask the stench of his rotten flesh until he could even convince himself that, maybe, he too was still alive
he shifts, unnerved by his own longing, and price runs his hand over the crown of his mask the same way he’d card it through his hair until he settles once more
he grounds him over the long hours it takes for his white-knuckled grip to relax into a loose hold; for his face to stop grinding into the meat of his thigh and simply rest in his lap, his bracketing legs the only thing holding his lax body up as he floats, untethered by fear
#who up babygirling they ghost#ghost rejecting all vulnerability until he physically can’t suppress it any more#so he does the only thing he can#he goes to his captain#the one person who can make him feel small and protected#i nearly made this ghoap bc i know its more popular but i just write ghost so different when hes with price#he has a different kind of vulnerability with his than he does with soap at least in my canon#price gives him a different sense of safety; not only that hes watching his six but so much so that ghost doesnt need to be on guard at all#nothing will get past price#hes too stalwart; an unbroken pillar of strength#theres history there that he just doesnt have with soap#priceghost just hits different#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#priceghost#ghostprice#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#price cod#john price#captain john price#cod fic#cod mw2#cod mwii#cod modern warfare#save post
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crowley!
#on his way to seduce his angel#which won't take much effort#or any at all#I've been working on nothing but my book thes past few weeks#and my brain is fried#so I really needed to just draw a hot demon again#and also let you know that im still alive#good omens#good omens fanart#crowley#crowley fanart#david tennant#david tennant fanart#GO#go fanart#my good omens fanart#digital art#fanart#e
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the new jjk cafe fits have been living in my head . no thoughts except yuuji in a letterman
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#itafushi#fushiita#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#havent had yuuji fight me this hard in a MINUTE omg far left took forever i redrew his face and hair like 10 times minimum#he looks good now but like rly yuuji i thought we were past this i thought we were cool :((((#i put Hand On Thigh and this is how u repay me.....#sighs#whatever this took a million years longer than it should but im finally happy with it im finally done ths all that matters#i dont know what yuuji's pants look like in the official art but i ripped them as a treat fr me :)#ik theyre probably just regular jeans but i think yuuji deserves to show a lil knee#real talk tho yuuji's fit is so so good i love it so much. megumi i am ehhhhhh but it's on brand fr him#plus i like that they dress him like he's canonically cold all the time lmao yuuji in a light sweater n megumi in a thermal and puffer coat#its what they deserve
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