#I know he has to go but I'm so lonely
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Danny moved to Gotham.
Freakshow is touring in Gotham.
Freakshow knows Danny is in Gotham.
Danny knows Freakshow is still after him.
Danny's faith in heroes has been shattered.
Danny turns to the only person powerful enough to run Freakshow out of town, hopefully for good.
Danny turns to the Joker for help.
The Joker is looking for a new punching bag sidekick after Harley Quinn left him.
Danny is just the perfect person to be shaped by the Joker's hands.
Danny becomes the new Joker Junior.
#pondhead blurbs#dpxdc#how we feeling about this fellas#i think it's an ideal angst fic#but i don't wanna write it lol#the younger danny is the worse it gets#someone said that danny shouldn't be afraid of the joker because he's a clown and freakshow is a ringmaster. not a clown#if i find that post i'll tag the creator cause i can't remember rn#but i'm imagining danny who is heavily traumatized and scared and lonely#finding out that one of his worst enemies he hoped to never see again is hunting him and is so close danny has to check his eyes every day#just to make sure they haven't turned red#his anxiety is out of control and he's not about to go find a Bat or Bird to talk to#who would believe him anyways? he's a monster#but danny needs help cause he will not survive this on his own and he knows it#freakshow haunts his every waking dream#but freakshow isn't from gotham. he doesn't have the city's curses engraved into his blood. he never died and he's not truly teasing death#so danny chooses to plead for help from the only predator bigger than freakshow (in his eyes) who IS from gotham#danny goes to the Joker. prepared to offer everything but his free will and free mind. he can't give those up. it's all he has.#danny is a feral house cat asking a tiger to take care of a mountain lion for him by offering the tiger his own liver on a silver platter#joker is...delighted? maybe? no one is quite sure. but he takes what danny offers.#here is this little boy. almost the same age as the second robin when he died. pleading for the JOKER to be his savior. this will be fun
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ffxiv rarepair week || jantoirel
artoirel's eyes are 'forget-me-not blue' and jandelaine could never forget them, forget him.
#xivrarepairweek#xivrarepairweek2024#there be heavensward spoilers in yonder tags#jantoirel#spoiler warning i'm not doing rarepair week it's already mostly through and i don't have the energy but jantoirel#get it? it's like 'chanterelle'#artoirel#artoirel de fortemps#jandelaine#OK HEAR ME OUT#artoirel keeps going but it feels like he never got love or approval from edmont; who loved haurchefant more even if he didn't show it#and after haurchefant dies edmont loves aymeric and the wol more than his own damn kids but really artoirel is a good son; he's trying hard#that kind of thing has to wear on his confidence even if he masks it well#IMAGINE if you will artoirel getting a hair cut from jandelaine and just saying 'sorry this doesn't make me feel better but thanks for tryi#jandelaine would never accept that#he would totally try to figure out what needed done to help artoirel's self-esteem#i'm imagining some romantic-comedy hi-jinks where slowly over time they realize that they spend so much time together; they love spending#time together; they love each other! imagine jandelaine's brother being like 'why do you come home so much more often than before?'#jandelaine's just like '------ Yeah so anyway'#i kinda got the vibe that jandelaine gets lonely sometimes; he helps so many people but he doesn't really have any friends or people he's#close to that we see so spending so much time in one place with one person would help that love grow#and then they kiss#i feel like they could have a beautiful romantic arc i just really like them together i don't know what to tell you#screenshotjar#gposejar
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you restore my faith in humanity. idk you're just so genuine and unobstructed from being yourself and loving everything around you. every time i think the world sucks i think about Robin From Tumblr and i'm like Hm maybe it isn't all bad
AW THANKS <33333 I TRY
#favorite posts <3#I didn't come to humanity pre-fabricated with no barriers to love I've just been. working on it y'know. and I've been shaped this way#ok and not to get religious on you but#(points at my ani-sama the Christ) he helped#mostly by putting a lot of wonderful people around me so I could see his love working in them. in humanity#btw this is a tangent but I absolutely adore this Japanese Christian term for Jesus: ani-sama#because ''ani'' is such an intimate casual direct way to say ''big brother''. to the point of almost being rude how intimate it is#and -sama is the highest honorific <333 and together it's just so good because it's like. yeah. my deeply revered adored big brother#he who I respect and love and who is closer to me relationally than anyone else while also higher in status than me (positive)#it really wraps up the feeling of going ''oh I want to be like you''. the kind of literal hero worship only a good big brother can inspire#(looking at all my mutuals + honorary mutuals) do they know I can see god in them? do they know their love and goodness is divine#I got an extra half hour of sleep tonight and it's making me so sappy about humanity. we are such wonderful beings we have so much potentia#—potential every single one of us#but yeah it has taken me so much intentional taming my fears and comforting the lonely little child who lives inside me to get this way#basically what I'm trying to say is THANK YOU SO MUCH and also YOU CAN DO IT TOO <333 and also THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HELPED#–ME GET HERE
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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What would u do if I told you I'm about to adopt another baby?
#emma. emma emma#she has always been so sweet and cute and and#TODAY MILO AND I WATCHED STAGE PLAY AND THE EPISODE WAS FOCUSED ON ROBBIE AND EMMA#AND. IT MAKES ME THINK THAT EMMA REMINDS HIM OF HIS SISTER (BEFORE HE DIED) AOUGH#and Andrew... having a sister... oh gos#Milo was to one who said this but#he looks so surprised but sounds almost happy. and that makes me so ill#also. they remind me a little of silver red and crystal#silver being andrew crystal being emma and red being robbie#like. robbie is the lonely kid who doesn't seem to have anyone to be by his side and to support him#emma is the sweetest and even when she feels bad is always there to support thw others and it's almost like a leader in her own way#and andrew. well. he is the lonely sad guy who had a terrible childhood and IDK HIS PERSONALITY REMINDS ME SO MUCH TO SILVER TOO#I'm so insane rn#I don't know much of Emma's lore. I need to read it#but the idea of the 3 of them being family.... aough#I know that Wu Chang Ursa and Magnolia and Luchino are kinda taking care of robbie and Andrew almost at the same time#well. Robbie is more like Luchino's baby and Magnolia is more like Andrew's aunt BUT#AOUGJHH#I DON'T CARE. ALL OF THEM ARE MY KIDS AND TAKE TURNS TO TAKE CARE OF THEM WIWIWIIW#EMMA COME HERE YOU ARE GOING HERE TOO#🕳️ // blah blah#(☆) 。.゚— Andrew Kreiss#(☆) 。.゚— Robbie#should I make a tag for Emma?#yeah why not#(☆) 。.゚— Emma Woods
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nightbringer lesson 14 FUCKED ME UP in several ways but primarily I've spent the last 48 hours making myself sad over the solomon backstory we got. specifically I have, for no reason, latched onto that one chapter in the Kids event where baby solomon cried because he felt so guilty over being responsible for that spell. and that just feels a touch more depressing in context
#nightbringer spoilers#obey me on side#went back and unlocked the event again because i could not get this out of my brain i know it's probably not that deep#but it is that deep TO ME. okay#baby solomon has been on my brain since thirteen told that story so that's probably why it's sticking in my brain so hard but whatever#in case anyone was wondering the other things to make me sad are:#he has such a deeply excessive amount of lights in his room in purgatory hall there are SEVERAL chandeliers and lamps#there's a good handful in his room in cocytus hall too (his horror dg showed it) if a more normal amount#but that with the 'dim and gloomy' detail. ☹️#i've also always thought that solomon's loneliness wasn't all about the immortal angst but like.#having it confirmed that he's had reason to be lonely since he was a child- before he was old enough to know he was using magic-#totally crushed me girl why can't I be wrong#had emotions about lesson 14 in general but solomon backstory steals the show every time for me so i haven't gotten around to the rest#i'm enjoying the nightbringer story so much (not talking about the game design. that's a different thing entirely) but man#the pacing is WILD it feels like every lesson could be a whole lesson block at the least. it's giving me a lot of room to speculate#which I always love! but i do wish they would slow down a little and expand on some of these concepts they're bringing up#because the basic idea of the game alone is REALLY INTRIGUING and it'd be a shame if they raced back to the present imo#what was i even talking about. sorry my brain fast forwards as soon as i get into the tags there is not one sequitur to be seen#so curious about solomon's friend now too. like my guess is it's going to be lilith (and hopefully not in a popular fan theory kind of way)#because it's more than a little suspicious that they expanded on lilith's views on humans the way they did#in a way that SO PERFECTLY lines up with the expansion on solomon's views on humans#WHICH I HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT YET BY THE WAY BUT LIKE. HE IS SO RIGHT AND REAL FOR THAT#it's beyond stressful to me that I think solomon is completely justified in his views and being completely reasonable about it#but that it would also mean war between the worlds presumably while the brothers are still recovering from THEIRS#you cannot give me that choice man. not even sure that the human world would be ABLE to win that fight if we're being real#solomon's 72 pacts are a lot yes but he's still only one guy who is NOT on good terms with the sorcerer's society#and mc is powerful but so so inexperienced. and that's IF they choose to side with the human world which#really i don't think the canon mc is likely to do. but anyway i guess solomon's friend could also be adam maybe?#that could be wishful thinking because i like adam though. even if his hair SUUUCKS#deeply offended by everyone thinking solomon got the fucked up hair when all signs point to adam be NICE TO HIM he's ugly already
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╰┈➤ SHUFFLE AU
DESTINATION POINT (DP)
the Leo/need adjacent unit, composed of Ichika Hoshino, Airi Momoi, Ena Shinonome, and Minori Hanasato. ☆ a girl who's lost her friendships, and three others searching for their worth.
about the group's name: ♡ originally, i had "from here to there" in mind, but someone from the Discord gave me the name "destination point" and i thought it was much better, so i went with that. ♪
about the SEKAI: ♡ the Train SEKAI. no one knows when it left, or where it's going - just that it never stops. it's the perfect place for those who feel like they're lagging behind. just close your eyes and let yourself be carried away, right? but maybe there's something you can do… starts with a Miku and a Rin. the former's hardworking and talented, but the latter struggles - Rin is somewhat influenced by Ena's (and, to a lesser extent, Airi's) jealousy towards others.
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Ichika hasn't managed to rekindle her friendship with her friends, and she's not doing particularly well. At one point, she meets Airi - who just quit being an idol. The two start talking and become friends, at which point they end up forming a band together. Airi wants to try finding a place where she could finally be taken seriously.
Ena's invited by Airi, and Minori - who had failed auditions recently - ends up inspired by Ichika's kindness, Airi's drive and Ena's determination, which is how she joins. (Haruka completely gave up on being an idol; something Minori is saddened by.)
In my mind, Ichika plays the guitar; Airi, the drums; Minori, the keyboard and Ena, the bass.
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IDEAL HEAVEN! (IH)
the MORE MORE JUMP! adjacent unit, composed of Mafuyu Asahina, Emu Otori, Mizuki Akiyama and Shizuku Hinomori. ☆ an up-and-coming idol group that combines cuteness and sophistication.
about the SEKAI: ♡ quite similar to the Empty SEKAI, but with some idol influences - a broken stage with no one in sight. there's no bright lights, no colorful props. nothing. that SEKAI both comforts and pains Mafuyu. home to a lone Miku. sweet, hopeful, but genuinely crushed by the pressure she's feeling.
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Mafuyu's mother wants a perfect child. idols are very frequently represented as being perfect - so, she decides that her daughter should become one, too. Mafuyu's not keen on the idea, but that's her mother; she's obedient, so she goes along with it.
Shizuku still quit Cheerful * Days, but instead of stopping altogether she ends up with Mafuyu. Emu wants to make people smile, but no one ever came; Wonderlands × Showtime was never a thing. so she decides to become an idol instead, even if it means she'll never bring back the Wonder Stage to its former state.
Mizuki's half-dragged into IDEAL HEAVEN! by Emu, who saw them looking with interest at idol merch. after bringing them to meet Mafuyu and Shizuku, Mizuki ends up accepting - the idea of wearing cute clothes and being called cute doesn't seem too terrible.
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READY MADE SUCCESS (RMS)
the Vivid BAD SQUAD adjacent unit, composed of Haruka Kiritani, An Shiraishi, Shiho Hinomori and Akito Shinonome. ☆ two street musicians chasing after their dream, and the two girls they brought with them.
about the SEKAI: ♡ the Street SEKAI. weirdly, it seems Haruka's idol background has somewhat influenced its appearance. its inhabitants are Miku, Meiko and Len. this Miku is levelheaded, but it seems like there's something holding her back from going all-in...
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after quitting being an idol, Haruka is invited by An to join her.
An's never met Kohane, and she never found a partner. Haruka is hesitant for a moment before deciding to give it a shot, though she keeps struggling with singing. Shiho tries getting more experience, meets Akito. no one really knows how these two ended together, but they both have a similar drive and take music very seriously.
eventually, they all start working together. Haruka deals with her guilt and, while she doubts she'll become an idol again, she's mostly made peace with what happened.
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STARLIGHT ☆ EVERMORE (S ☆ E)
the Wonderlands × Showtime adjacent unit, composed of Tsukasa Tenma, Saki Tenma, Kanade Yoisaki and Toya Aoyagi. ☆ a strange troupe of people who aim to help others through their performances.
about the SEKAI: ♡ still very much Tsukasa's, so it's the Wonderland SEKAI. [kanade goes there for the first time and dies. alas, they're still a shut-in and this place is simply too colorful for her poor eyes.] starts with a Miku and a Kaito, though this version of the former uses far less onomatopoeias.
Tsukasa figures he needs to show the world how much of a star he is himself, and he drags his siblings into it (with varying degrees of willingness).
a part of Saki still wishes she could be in a band with her friends; she's only somewhat managed to repair her friendship with Ichika. but she's still happy to do something fun and lighthearted after all her struggles. Toya's very excited to do something with Tsukasa and his siblings. he also gets to stick it to his dad, which, honestly - is a bonus.
out of the three, Kanade is obviously the most hesitant about the whole thing. but she sees Tsukasa's drive to make others happy, something she shares with him, so she ends up agreeing. Kanade is… slightly healthier physically on account of the stubborn people looking after her, as well as all the exercise she does she does as part of Starlight ☆ Evermore. mentally? eh… we'll get there. i need her traumatized to be interesting. <3
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LONELY SYNDROME (LS)
the 25-ji, Nightcord de. adjacent unit, composed of Nene Kusanagi, Rui Kamishiro, Honami Mochizuki and Kohane Azusawa. ☆ hidden behind avatars, these citizens of the web tell stories online.
about the SEKAI: ♡ the arcade SEKAI. this Miku is shy and withdrawn, though she one day hopes she'll be able to break out of her shell, just like Nene. alongside her is Luka - she has a bit of a teasing attitude and a catlike personality, but she always does her best to boost Nene's confidence.
about the group's name: ♡ syndrome refers to a group of symptoms - i paired it with the word lonely because i felt like it represented the atmosphere of an arcade. you're connected with people who share your interests, but at the same time, you're sort of separate from them. surrounded by people, but utterly alone…
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Nene's social anxiety hasn't gotten better over the years. since she never joins Wonderlands × Showtime, she doesn't learn how to fight her stage fright.
but, she finds an alternate solution; using an avatar online. it's less stress-inducing, and it lets her pursue acting, in a way - it's not what Nene wants, but it's close enough. she figures she could be satisfied with that. Rui ends up figuring out what she's doing, and asks if he can help. Nene doesn't really have any reason to say no, so they start working together.
as for Honami and Kohane, they ended up on Nene's channel by pure accident. but her performances quickly became a comfort to them, since they were struggling at the time (the former because she no longer had her friends, the latter because of her lack of confidence).
unfortunately, ignoring your problems only goes so far, and eventually, her feelings give birth to the arcade SEKAI.
#// ooc#shuffle au#didn't bother detailing every SEKAI - they're mostly staying the same#destination point is accidentally very similar to richie's unit 💔#and ideal heaven! also. oh well. i didn't do it on purpose..........#my favorite out of these five is lonely syndrome & starlight ☆ evermore :D#which is evident because a) i developed lonely syndrome's story the most and b) starlight ☆ evermore has all my favorite characters#pushing my tenma agenda <3#lonely syndrome is like… dear to me because i struggle with very bad social anxiety and it's held me back so many times#so i relate to nene a bunch#i wish i could just - go out there and show people what i'm capable of doing. but i just freeze in place each time. it's easier to just…#give up. y'know? it hurts less.#and fun fact: lonely syndrome's luka is more or less based on rui? he's an important person in nene's life so you know -#i figured that it would influence one of the virtual singers. i love nene and rui's friendship ww#i put Kanade in the WxS-adjacent group because i wanted her to die <3#also. the potential of others finding out that this pathetic wet cat? is in a theater troupe?? insane. i think it's hilarious.#ready made success is a name i settled with despite not being very satisfied of it - so changes might happen!#there's some angst potential in there. i put some for emu too :3c#anyway. enough rambling in tags. i feel bad 💔#i'm insanen over them. if you have any questions - feel free to ask. teehee <3
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(guy who has religious trauma voice) I relate to Aziraphale in ways you could only dream of
#(joking)#but truly both Crowley and Aziraphale are so relatable. Characters very near and dear to my heart#Do you even know what it was like being 16 and feeling so frustrated with your church and questioning god#And then good omens deconstruct ''god's plan'' the way it did on screen#I've watched 3 eps of s2 and the line ''You're an Angel who goes along with heaven for as far as he can'' has NOT left my brain#''But you said it wasn't lonely'' ''I'm a demon. I lie.''#GOD#go#good omens#imp tag
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||. I haven't done one of these in a VERY long time, so although august is swiftly approaching : please ❤ this post for a starter from THOR ! / NO CAP !
these will mostly surround thor doing things and assume your muse seeks thor out, not the other way around. (genuinely that IS just how Thor operates in his canon.)
#(i was talking to @liightaga and i realized that part of my struggle with getting thor to interact w folks is that-)#(i always pressure myself to have my muses be proactive and seek /other muses out/ during starter calls)#(when thor is the exact opposite. which i know and have studied in depth on many an occasion)#(he's fundamentally a lone wolf by choice... and so it's less that he will go to other people when they're doing anything)#(and more like thor does something mysterious or odd or otherwise intense and /everyone gravitates to h i m/)#(that has always been how that works in EVERY single one of his appearances)#(....so i'm not going to fight that anymore |DDD)#( ooc . ) — stories that leap from the page .#starter call#aevum starter call#aevum rp ad
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family picture
#me#my dog bono#and my cat violet#bono has been in my life for almost 12 years he is my best friend firstborn soulmate love of my life. he very much saved my life when i was#a depressed teenager and he still keeps me steady as a bipolar adult#recently he's started having serious health issues#a heart problem that has developed into a lung problem causing sincope#for the last few weeks he's been fainting has been lethargic and he seems sad#im afraid always afraid his time is coming soon#i remember the first night when o got him#i cried all night long thinking about how this moment would be#but it seemed so far away#he was a 4 m/o puppy#he had years to live#i was going to be at least 24 when he died#basically a whole life time away#but next month I'm turning 26 and he is just getting sicker and sicker#i honestly dont know what i will do when he passes#i wish so much that we had more time together but no amount of time would ever be enough#violet is still a baby#barely 3 y/o#a scardy cat and shy girl that likes scratches on her chin and ears#she has two dimples on her cheek and her nose is two colors#we don't know each other as well but i can feel everyday out bond strengthen#I love them both so much and don't know who I'd be without them#anyways#just something off my chest#personal#don't mind me im just feeling lonely even though thanks to them im never alone
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Guys he's soooo cute
#i've been testing and getting to know him the past couple days#listen i'm still very much a dog person but#little robokitty is adorable#still need a name for him though#and! he has a hibernate mode! so he won't get lonely when roastie and i go to work!
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talk to me about Katsuhiko Nakajima!
“average person has 3 deeply fraught interpersonal relationships” factoid actually just statistical error. katsuhiko nakajima, who has 10,000 deeply fraught interpersonal relationships, is an outlier and should not have been counted
i've tried drafting a more thorough response because i had a lot i initially wanted to talk about, but it's late and i've been in a very brainfog-heavy state lately. i'm just going to leave it at: i think part of the reason i like him so much is that i tend to be drawn to wrestlers who don't manage to really pull everything together—in-ring work, character work, that wrestling-specific genre of charisma—until later in their careers. obviously he's always been very good at Wrestling, but it hasn't been until the past few years that he's become a…holistic performer, i guess? and found what works for him character-wise. i don't know, i guess seeing people go through that growth makes me a little hopeful; may we all find our weird violent wolfman gimmick equivalents
#i always feel a little nervous talking about wrestlers with long histories because i worry that i'm missing something crucial#but then i remind myself that It's Hobbies you know#additions i couldn't elaborate on in a way i liked:#- the the aggression and now broader kensuke office drama has been really compelling to me. i <3 tragedy i <3 long-term deep-seated hatred#- whenever he kicks people so hard it sounds like a shotgun going off i clap like a seal#- the repeated thing of like. “you don't need me and i don't need you” as a justification for leaving people. rotating it in my brain#something something the tension between the whole lone wolf shtick and wolves being pack animals#anyway! thank you for writing in syb :]#asks
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See and that's the tragic thing about post-Delphi Pharma lsdkfjlks. Whether it's because he believes he doesn't deserve reform or simply is too far gone to care, he would never actually admit to feeling regret or anguish and that's part of what makes him so easy to condemn. Pharma's victimhood and feelings of regret are entirely below the surface, read-between-the-lines, and isn't it hard to offer forgiveness to someone who seems to laugh at the idea?
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#bc that's the thing about writing pharma whump or whatever where he gets to call people out for mistreating him#that's not in character pharma would never admit to feeling hurt or lonely or any of that#his response to being asked if he feels guilt is to lie and laugh about it and say he doesn't regret a thing#and this is right after the Forcefield That Blocks Anyone Who Feels Guilt blocks pharma from going through it#this isn't apologism this is just connecting the dots of canon#WHEN PHARMA SAID HE DIDN'T FEEL GUILT HE WAS LYING EVEN IF HE DIDN'T KNOW IT#personally i feel like you could read that scene a lot of ways#like on one hand you could read it as pharma being suicidal and deliberately baiting first aid to kill him so that he could be free of this#or you can read it as just pharma's typical insanity at this point where he's whimsical and uncaring#or you could maybe read it as pharma being so apathetic to everything that he doesn't care about his public image#and maybe would rather put on a front of unrepentance rather than cry in anguish or beg for forgiveness#personally i'd go for all of above#THIS GUY HAS LAYERS I'M TELLING YOU
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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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#colby rambles#im really fucking lonely right now#i can say this shit openly cause he's not on tumblr#but theres this guy im in love with who has a partner#and i feel like shit cause im obviously not going to do anything about it. I'm going to ignore it and pretend I just view him a a friend#well anyway#our vibe has been off recently#and we got in a fight#and i thought we made up and we were good#but now hes avoiding me#and i dont fucking know what to do#because i love him so much (platonically as well as romantically) and I don't want to lose a friend#but i want to respect his boundaries#and i dont want to seem clingy#ugh#whatever happens happens i guess#but i feel like shit#Spotify
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airy for the Bingo 👀👀
I know my opinions are prolly wrong and controversial but I do not care anymore since the show has been over for a good while
So let me just tap into my old knowledge of how I feel about the show and Airy as a character
Alright so yeah I'm on the more extreme side of things of just like Airy didn't do anything wrong ever, this isn't even me being like oh favourite character or anything it's just kinda like I just genuinely do not think he was ever thinking about anything he was doing ever
Obviously he still did bad things but like the thing is, when you DIE you don't really DIE so death kinda loses its meaning and there isn't really that impact anymore of Airy killing people and he had to also die multiple times likely in order to get where he is
So UNDERSTANDABLY there is a lack of connection there, a lack urgency in death @ the Plane once Airy understands how to bring people back
Obviously there is still a LOT of fucked up shit if you REALLY think about it and really connect with the characters and try and feel what they must be feeling BUT to think Airy is this fucked up cold and unfeeling villain aware of his actions is just not it
He just isn't. There. He's not there lmao it doesn't really feel like there is a way to get it through to him that what he's doing is causing problems bcuz it's like a sandbox game for him he doesn't understand that things happen without him that those are PEOPLE existing in his little world that they have lives and are effected by his actions
He only has a connection when he sees Liam in person and like there were other times he showed care and concern but it's a lot more apparent when someone is physically there with you, you can see and feel them and they have an impact on you
Plus he did feel bad about what he had done in the past but there's not really a way for you to properly process that so understandably he just doesn't, like it obviously bothers him but he also doesn't want to be alone and I understand how boredom is a killer
Plus I think he's prolly always been a bit messed up but it really comes out when you've been thru things ur never gonna be able to fully understand or process so you simply don't and just accept things and do things a certain way bcuz you just gotta
#now it HAS been a while since I watched the show so I might be a bit rusty on some of ny info#like Airy just doesn't understand what he's doing is wrong#he thinks people are having fun the same way he is about the game#he TRIES to make it fun he wants everyone to just have a fun time#he's bored! he's lonely! he wants things to do he#he's figuring it out as he goes! and like he's gonna send everyone back home anyway so no harm done!#except he is causing harm to these people#he strips them of their identity he steals them away from their lives and expects them to just go along with his antics#so yeah he did nothing wrong but also he's y'know a bit fucked up you know how it is#I have no ill feelings towards him tho I really enjoy his character a lot#and I love the moments where you can just hear how silly he is it's subtle but sooo good#AGAIN been a while since I seen the show so some of these words may not be entirely accurate to how I feel#plus this is all a story so I'm always more chaotic when it comes to fiction like Yes queen kidnap those people!#Force them to play in ur little show! If they simply had FUN this wouldn't be an issue 🙄🙄🙄#altho still wonder how exactly he planned on granting some sort of wish lmao#mf is just lying isn't he#it's okay he's allowed to lie
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