#I know I'm not the only one who saw him jumping and thought “yay...but please be careful!”

[pensat-i-fet]

[mismatched-sockss]

You're my future, past and present

» Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader » Word count: 6,4k » Warnings: spoiler mentioned for 9x23 Angels / 9x24 Demons, Spencer's POV, exes to lovers, set after s15, anxious!Spencer, reader feels guilty at one point, language? (one 'bitch' from reader to reader), mentions of past fights, minor misunderstandings, random old lady plays cupid <3, fluff, kissing, how many phrases for being in love can one pack in two paragraphs? me: yes., » A/N: my brain is on strike for finishing bingo fics for some reason, it instead gave us this so yay!, i'm still working on those of course but i can't tell when i will get the next one done (in the words of one Penelope Garcia: Why do the last 10% always take the longest?), hopefully by the end of the week; it's lightly implied that reader can get pregnant in the beginning but it's not explicitly said (only mentions of kids), which is the reason i tagged it as fem but no mentions of anything body related or any pronouns (i think so, please let me know if i missed pronouns), so it might as well can be read as gn; no body description --- pls take a look here for more info about my reader descriptions in general

⚶ masterlist ⚶

He should have asked Penelope for a favour to look you up, before he came here. He had no idea how your life had changed in all these years he hadn't seen you or if you even wanted to see him again. It didn't particularly sound like it the last time he saw you.

You could be happily married with kids for all he knew. The thought alone almost made him turn around without even knocking on your door. He didn't know what he would do if this was the case. Or maybe you didn't even live here any more, you could have moved; to the other side of the city, to another state. Another country. You had toyed with the idea to move to Scotland back then, it very well could be that you had acted on it.

Too much time had past, five whole years – five years, three months, twenty-one days and eleven hours, forty-two minutes to be exact; but who was counting, right? – and there was too much history, too much heartbreak. Too many reasons why it hadn't worked out.

The main – and kind of only – ones being his job at the BAU and everything that came with it. The travelling and never being home, not even a free day or annual leave really meant not getting called in, the late nights, the worries that he could get hurt and may not be coming back home, the worries when he got hurt.

You had your reasons to break it off and he still thought that you were right to do so. He never held it against you, never resented you for leaving. Because he understood. If the roles would have been reversed, he may would have made the same decisions.

This whole idea was stupid. Why was he even here. He should just leave.

What did he think would happen when you saw him? That showing up out of nowhere – with no contact since the break up, not even a single text message – and having a 'new' job would change everything and would make you jump back into his arms in an instant like nothing happened? Yeah... Sure...

Maybe, deep down and in the tiniest crack of his heart, he didn't even want you to open the door; didn't want to see your reaction to him just showing up and the inevitable rejection that would surely come. He was sabotaging himself, really. And if he would be more honest to himself, he'd knew that. Maybe he did, but just didn't want to see it.

Spencer had been pacing back and forth in front of your door for an eternity by now; walking closer to it and already lifting his hand to knock, but changing his mind before his fingers even came close and he was walking a few feet away to leave, only to change his mind again and repeat the whole ordeal. Over. And over. And over.

He just couldn't make his mind up, he didn't know what to do. It shouldn't be this hard to knock on a door. Especially yours. But maybe it was this hard for him because it was yours.

At one point, he, a man of science, even asked the universe to give him a sign, to show him what he should do; if he should do it or if he should go.

That's when it happened.

Right after, as he was walking closer to the door again, he tripped over his own damn feet and he ended up kicking the door with his shoe; not hard, but audible enough.

Shit. Not the sign he was looking for. A pedestrian screaming something outside that he could twist into an answer, a car honking when he either was close to the door or walking away; hell, even a spam mail popping up on his phone that had a certain word in the subject line... No, it had to be this way.

Now he had to knock.

Taking a shaky breath, he hit his knuckles against the wood a couple of times and started fidgeting with his fingers as soon as he had lowered his hands. His heart was in his throat as he waited anxiously. His mind in a constant battle of 'please be home' and 'please don't be home'.

A moment later – both too short and too long at the same time – the door opened just a crack and it was really you standing there. Not some random person that would tell him you moved. You.

You didn't turn your head just yet, looking back over your shoulder instead, you held out your arm behind you and said “Stay there” in a soft voice to someone behind you. When you turned you blocked the entrance with your body and kept your left hand on the door.

Your eyes grew wide when you saw him. Spencer probably was about the last person you would have expected to see when you opened the door. He couldn't bring himself to break the silence first, didn't dare to speak.

“Oh, hey... Uh-”, you stammered looking for words, blinking in confusion. For a moment you opened and closed your mouth, and he knew you were hating that you looked like a fish out of the water, before you gave up and just settled for another “Hi.”

“Hi.” He hated how shaky his voice sounded. He cleared his throat and averted his eyes for a moment, looking down at his hands and the floor before he met your gaze again.

“Wow, it- it's been a while.”

“Yeah...”

“How long 's it been? Five years?”

“Five years, three months and twenty-one days.” Spencer pressed his lips together before he could blurt out the hours and minutes as well.

You laughed – not mean, but endearing – and the sound combined with the smile that spread on your lips made his heart leap. “Right.”

God, how much he had missed your laugh; how much he had missed you. Now that you stood before him, it became evident, that all the longing and yearning he had felt in the past years had been nothing more than a fraction of what he was really feeling; repressed by throwing himself into work and keeping his mind off you as much as he could.

His love for you never went away, never dulled even the slightest bit, and seeing you now was almost too overwhelming for him, his feelings for you crashing over him, nearly sweeping him off his feet.

“Uhm, I was just about to go to the park with Cleo”, you started, shooting a look over your shoulder and Spencer's heart dropped. He could have sworn it stopped beating for a few seconds as well. The Stay there hadn't rung any alarms in his mind, it could have been said to any person really. Going to the park with Cleo however...

He really should have asked Penelope to look you up before he came. You had a kid.

And since he could only see the heel of your left hand and not your fingers, he couldn't be a hundred percent sure, but there was a high chance there was a ring on your finger.

“Oh, I'm sorry to hold you up. I'll just, uhm-”, he stammered choked up and pointed his thumbs over his shoulder, taking a step back, about to turn away and leave.

“No”, you exclaimed, maybe a bit too quickly and panicked, as you held out your right hand like you wanted to reach for his arm; even making a small step out of the door. “You don't have to leave. You could- uh, you could come with us? If you want to.” If he wouldn't know better, he'd say there was a pleading look in your eyes, begging him to say yes and stay.

His mouth opened, but no words came out, no matter how hard he tried. He didn't even know what he wanted to say.

'Yes sure, let's go to the park with your daughter and rip my heart into pieces seeing and hearing about you living the life I dreamt of having with you, with another man'.

A plain 'No.' would be too rude, wouldn't it? Even if he would add a 'thank you' at the end, it didn't feel right.

“She uh- she likes meeting new people, she's really open; sometimes I'm afraid she'll walk off with anyone. Come here, girl.” You looked over your shoulder again and tapped your flat hand against your thigh a couple of times, then some clicking and scratching could be heard behind you on the parquet floor.

The speckled snout of an Australian Shepherd pushed in the space between your knee and the door, then tried to push through further after seeing Spencer. With a laugh you took a hold of the collar and held the dog back from running out.

“Cleo, stay.” You squatted down next to her, petting her head and scratched behind her ear. ”I have to warn you, she can be a bit rough when she gets excited.” A wide smile was on your face as you looked up at Spencer. “I've been trying to teach her to not jump up on everyone she meets, but it doesn't stick.”

Just like that, he felt like he could breathe again. Cleo wasn't your daughter but your dog and the ring you were indeed wearing on your left hand was one he recognized from your jewellery box.

A relieved chuckle left his lips and he mirrored your position. He held out his hand for Cleo to smell before he touched her. She really was excited; she was pulling against your hold and tried to get closer, her tail was waggling so hard her whole body moved in the rhythm and she nudged her nose against his palm hard after a short sniff, so he would pet her.

You did your best to hold her back, but after Spencer verbally said hi to her and was petting her on both sides of her head she surged forward; your hand slipped from the collar and Cleo threw her whole weight against him, making him loose balance and topple over.

With an outstretched arm he held himself up, laughing, as your dog rubbed her head against his torso and hand and was spinning around a couple of times between his legs, repeatedly leaning herself into him with every turn.

“Cleo!” Your voice had a warning tone to it that hadn't fully replaced your laugh though, not until she let out a small bark and started to lick over his face. “No! Stop!” You pulled her away and moved her back into the apartment; Cleo only reluctantly complied.

Before he could react, you shuffled closer on your knees until you kneeled right before him and in between his legs. You reached out and started to wipe the side of his face clean; the sleeve of your sweater pulled over your fingers. “I'm so sorry, she's usually not that excited. I have never seen her do this to someone that isn't me.”

He froze when you got close and he felt your touch, every soft stroke leaving behind a trail of fire, even with the thin fabric barrier between you. One would think his heart couldn't pound any faster in his chest than it already had since he had laid eyes on you again, but it did.

“It's- hu, it's okay”, he stammered as he was watching you intensely, with wide eyes.

“No, it's not”, you said softly and took his chin between your thumb and index finger, slightly tilting his head to the side as you tried to get everything off. “Do you want a wet wipe or something? You can come in and wash your face if you'd prefer that.”

Spencer couldn't help the smile stretching on his lips, his heart warming over the fact that you were still looking out for him, after all these years; after everything that had happened and all the things that had been said the day you broke up with him. His hand moved on its own accord and he wrapped his hand around your wrist, stopping you. “Really, it's okay.”

You met his gaze, heat rising in your cheeks and it was like you only now realized how close the both of you were sitting and that you were touching him. For a second you froze, your eyes wide. Then, after a deep breath, you pulled back to bring some distance between you and cleared your throat, looking away.

He could tell there was an apology forming on your tongue, but you swallowed it down. You began to nervously fidget with the hem of your sleeve and cleared your throat. “So, uh, do you want to come with us? There is this coffee shop on the way that opened about six months ago and they're really good, we- we could grab a coffee and catch up...?”

“I'd really like that.”

It was easy, talking to you. The initial awkwardness and anxiety he had been feeling had quickly faded and the both of you were talking as freely and open as before, like no time had passed; and he was incredibly grateful for it. Neither of you had been going to personal topics for now though – the closest thing to personal in a deeper sense was when you asked about his mom –, the both of you had been talking more about everything and anything.

[..] Did you end up getting that book collection you had your eyes on? - When did you get Cleo? - Oh, do you remember my coworker Grace? All the rumours really were true! - Is your neighbour still vacuuming solely in the middle of the night? [..]

About halfway to the park you stopped at the café you had mentioned and while you were waiting in line, you told him about the different coffee varieties they offered; the flavours, how strong they were, how sweet, the seasonal ones. You had drunk your way through the list three times and until you decided on your Top 5.

He crinkled his nose in adoration as he was listening to you rambling about the coffee – what you liked about each one and why you didn't like another – totally engrossed by you; you had done this in the past as well and it made Spencer happy that you still were. It was adorable. He wondered, if you still wrote down your Top 5's in that little notebook you had always kept in your purse.

The one you recommended to him was really good, you had met his taste precisely; the perfect amount of sweetness just how he liked it, and with a hint of vanilla and cinnamon.

There were many occasions he was about to reach for your hand, it was almost instinctually when you were this close to him. He didn't know if you would let him, if you would want it. So Spencer didn't. Instead he buried his hand deep into the pocket of his coat to keep himself from reaching for you, holding a tight grip on an old pack of gum he forgot was even in there.

Throughout the whole way from your apartment to the park, Cleo was happily dancing around you, just shy of making one of you trip over her. That she didn't circle around the both of you to wrap the leash around your legs – all '101-Dalmatians'-like – was all.

After you arrived at the park you walked a bit further in until you came to a fenced area that seemed to be reserved for dogs for them to freely run around without having to be leashed. As soon as you unhooked the leash from Cleo's collar she dashed forward, joining a group of dogs playing.

Spencer and you sat down on a bench and just sat in comfortable silence for a moment, watching her. His hands got clammy as he got nervous because of the proximity, and he tried to wipe them on his pants as discreetly as he could. You were sitting so close to him, your thighs and shoulders were almost touching; he could feel the warmth radiating from your body and with every soft breeze the smell of your shampoo got carried over.

“So, uh... How have you been?”, you asked after a few minutes.

He huffed out a small laugh and licked over his lips. Where should he even begin. “Long story short? Not good then somewhat okay, bad, worse, better, okay.”

"Sounds like one hell of a roller coaster."

Oh you had no idea how much. And 'hell' sounded about right to be honest. "You could say that... How about you?"

"Wasn't much going on for me to be honest. I've been... okay? After some time at least...”, you admitted nervously, following Cleo with your eyes. “Everything alright at the BAU? How is everyone?”

“Good, they're good.” Spencer started telling you about all the changes within the team, but he left out all the bad stuff for now – he told you about Alex leaving, about Tara joining after practically a 36 hour long job interview for the open position, JJ and Will having a second child, that Morgan left and had married Savanah and that they had a son as well, Garcia vehemently trying – but ultimately failing – to hate the newbie Luke.

“Rossi got married last year.”

“Really? Again?” You let out a soft laugh.

“He re-married his third wife actually. They got back together after-” He had to stop for a second and swallowed hard as the spark of hope was reigniting in his chest. If Dave and Krystall had found their way back to each other after thirty years and made it work, five years didn't sound all that bad in retrospective. He tried to play it off like he was trying to remember the exact number of years. “Around three decades, I think.”

“Wow... That's a lot of time..”

“It is.” For a short moment Spencer didn't say anything more, trying to muster up the courage to tell you he left the team as well.

“And I- uh” He huffed out a small laugh, nervous, and let his gaze wander over the meadow. There he goes... “I'm not- I'm not with the BAU any more, actually.”

“...Oh”

For a moment you didn't say anything else and his heart beat faster. He couldn't a hundred percent gauge what your silence meant. What the oh meant. Did you care? Were you relieved or maybe even sad for him? Could – would – it change anything between you, even after all this time? Would you give the both of you a second chance? Him?

Hope started to rise up again in his chest and he tried to stop it and keep it at bay, so it wouldn't take over him; it would only crush him even more to lose you a second time if he'd let it happen. Spencer's breathing became more shallow and slightly faster as he waited for you to say more.

He could just turn his head to look at your face of course, study your expressions to get his answer without you saying another word. He didn't. Something held him back; maybe it was only because he was respecting your wishes from years ago not to profile you. Maybe it was fear of what he would see.

He heard you clear your throat and when you spoke, your voice was shaking, almost undetectable however. If you wouldn't sit so close to him – and if it wouldn't be you and he wouldn't be him – one probably wouldn't have noticed. “Why not?”

“Re-assignment due to budget-cuts or something like that. There were a couple of people higher up the food chain than Emily that had it out for us for a couple of years now.” His eyes followed Cleo sprinting over the grass, chasing and playing with the other dogs.

“Emily is back?”, you asked. The last thing you knew was that she had left for London not long after she came back from the dead.

“Yeah, she took over from Hotch after-” He stopped himself.

Telling you about Hotch and Scratch and why Emily fully became Unit Chief of the BAU, meant he had to tell you about everything else; everything that had happened to him. He just wasn't ready for this yet. This would have to be a story for another day; for both your and his sake.

“Anyway, I uh- I'm teaching now. Full-time. Mostly at the academy and some colleges here and there. But all in all-” Spencer took a deep breath. “Fixed work hours and no travelling for longer than a day.”

Only when he felt you tense up did he bring himself to look at you. You were sitting up with a straight back, eyebrows furrowed, lips slightly pursed. Your eyes were darting around and he watched a muscle twitch on your jaw.

He quickly looked away again, concentrating on Cleo again, before he could read you more. He couldn't help it, it was hard not to and turn it off. By now profiling was in his blood, it was a subconscious habit he couldn't always control, it just happened. You didn't want to get profiled, so he did what he could do to not use his profession on you. If it meant turning away and not look at you, even if he was only looking just to see you, he'd do it.

Also, he knew that he was biased; another reason why he shouldn't. What he would see and read would not be accurate. Usually, this was not a problem, he could read body language and micro-expressions with a 99,42% accuracy, since he'd do it with a neutral stand. But right now it was personal.

What ever Spencer would see in your non-verbal communication, he was too involved to not let his judgement get clouded by his feelings for you, his hopes and his fears. He would only see what he wanted to see, or what he not wanted to see, depending on which part of his heart was winning at the moment; the confident and hopeful part, or the insecure and anxious part.

“That's... That's nice. Do you like it?” He wished, he knew what you were thinking right now. Your tone didn't give much away on how you were feeling, but you seemed a bit more relaxed to him.

“Yeah, it's fun. There are some key topics on the curriculum I have to cover of course, but other than that I have pretty much full reign over the subject matters. Learning is more fun when it is about something you're really interested in, so I take suggestions from my students for a lot of the lectures. It's been paying off already.” He smiled proudly. “They contribute more and most grades have gone up.”

Slowly, the longer you talked as the evening proceeded and the sun slowly began to set, he let himself go, allowed his heart to open up and he welcomed the prospect of having you back in his life – to what ever extent it may be, even if only as a friend if that was what you wanted.

His heart had leaped when you shared you weren't seeing anyone and it hadn't slowed down it's pace ever since. Both of you had been talking and asking about it in the most complicated and conspicuously inconspicuous ways one can ask 'are you dating someone?'.

Not only this, but you wanted to spent more time with him. Spencer couldn't believe his luck. It was almost too good to be true and he feared he might wake up from this wonderful dream any minute.

He could tell how nervous you were when you asked him; hands and voice shaking, fingers fidgeting with Cleos leash in your lap, your eyes not daring to meet his.

"Tonight is this big bonfire at the Benson's farm, you know, the one with the apple orchard? I was thinking of going and.. maybe if you- I mean, if you are free tonight and want, uh- Would you like to go with me?"

There was nothing he'd rather do, nowhere he'd rather be.

After a short stop at your apartment to bring Cleo home and for the both of you to freshen up, you made your way to the farm. It was a fairly short drive and the roads were mostly empty as it got later, a bright full moon illuminating the way now.

When you arrived, there weren't too many people present. It felt more like a large family gathering than a big event. At a decent distance were benches placed around the huge bonfire, there was a tent where various beverages and a few food options were served. Next to it stood a truck from the fire department and an ambulance; a precaution if the fire got out of control or someone got hurt.

The air smelled of smoke and burning wood, french fries, beer and Mrs. Benson's home made apple pie.

Sorry, Mr. Benson's apple pie as Spencer learned some time after you arrived. You introduced him to the hosts and you started to talk about a new recipe for the pie filling you had tried to make and Mr. Benson explained what he would have done different than the recipe you found had stated.

The Benson's were nice people – he had met them once when he had accompanied you to the farm to get apples and honey. You had gotten closer to them since then, dropping by to help them out from time to time, especially when it was time for the harvest.

He had to catch his breath as his heart fluttered, his eyes glued to your face as he watched you talk with old man Benson. The way your eyes wrinkled at the corners when you smiled and the excited glint in your eyes, how the fire painted beautiful orange patterns on your face as the flames danced high, fuelled by the soft breeze; combined with the silvery light of the full moon shining bright. You looked ethereal.

Spencer became increasingly aware of said man's wife and her three friends, who stood a little farther away. The women were whispering to each other and kept looking over, one of them not so subtlety pointing at the both of you. They weren't talking badly, not at all; they were smiling and giggling as they were talking, nodding at what the other ones were saying, swooning with their hands over their hearts from time to time.

It could only mean one thing – and he wasn't sure if he should be embarrassed about it, or not: that he all too obviously for everyone around looked as love struck as he felt; utterly bewitched by your beauty, completely head over heels, truly madly and deeply in love with you in every way, a total goner who was worshipping the ground you were walking on.

Thank god for the warm shine of the fire, or they would be able to see the blush rising up his neck in this moment as well... He just was glad that he had finished his piece of pie before this, otherwise he'd probably stand here with an open mouth and the fork frozen in mid air as he was looking at you. Now, that would have been a good picture.

What he didn't know though, was that they weren't just talking about the smitten look on his face, but yours as well. The longing glances you shot his way whenever he wasn't looking, how you were orbiting around him like the earth around the sun, a magnetic pull to each other that not even the both of you seemed to realise you had as you unconsciously stepped closer to the other when you stood too far apart. They talked about the fact, that you looked at Spencer with such a happy and beaming smile they hadn't seen on your face in a long time.

And that they could tell how hesitant and shy the both of you were about getting closer.

It's not like he didn't want to, believe me. The urge to hold your hand or wrap his arms around you – to kiss you – was still burning in every fibre of his body and it got more and more challenging to hold back, the longer he was around you. Leaving out the tiny part in him that was still afraid of getting rejected, he didn't want to impose on you by acting on it. He didn't want to possibly make you uncomfortable, so he left it to you to initiate any physical contact.

Admittedly, this was very much a bad plan if you were doing the same and were waiting for him to make the first move. However, the universe seemed to take matters in its own hands again.

Spencer had to remove himself from of the situation for a moment to restore some of his composure and not ogle you non-stop; especially not in front of all these people. He let you know that he would get the both of you something to drink and asked what he should get for you; when he came back, Mr. Benson had left.

For some time you stayed close to the fire, until he saw you lift your hand to fan yourself some air. “Too warm?”

You let out a small laugh and smiled at him. “Yeah, it starts getting a bit too much.”

He took the now empty cup from you and with a tilt of his head he signalled you to follow him. He gave the cups back to the person behind the make-shift bar counter and you walked a little farther away, putting some distance between you and both the tent and the fire. And the people too actually, the majority had gathered close around the flames in small groups.

“That's much better”, you sighed. “I like a nice fire as much as the next pers- oh.”

Before you could finish, you lost your balance when a body collided with yours from behind. You stumbled forward and Spencer instinctively reached out to catch you – he got a hold of your arms with a firm grip on them right above your elbows as you fell into him, bringing up your own hands to hold onto his shoulders.

“Oh, dear, I am so sorry, I must have tripped over something. Are you okay?”, the voice of a woman came from behind you.

Neither of you let go of the other as you turned to face her. Spencer recognized her as one of the women that had talked with Mrs. Benson earlier and the look on her face told a whole different story than her words; that she wasn't sorry at all and that it had been deliberately planned to bump into you.

“I'm okay, no worries. Are you?”, you asked her and quickly scanned her for injuries.

“Ooh, I'm good. I'm good...”, she replied, almost in a sing-sang kind of tone and a wide smile on her lips. She snickered softly and walked away, her hand raised with a lazy kind of flick in her wrist as a wave good-bye.

The both of you watched her walk away, baffled.

“Okayyy”, you let out as you kept your eyes on her for a moment longer. “As long as she didn't twist her ankle or something.”

You turned your head, and just like earlier in front of your apartment, it seemed like you only just now realised the position you were in when your eyes met his. How close you were and that you were still holding on to each other.

Only this time, you didn't pull away.

The world around him seemed to fade away, time standing still, as he held your gaze. Your breath hitched and when his eyes flickered down to your lips, Spencer felt your grip on him tighten, subconsciously pulling him closer to you. His heart was in his throat and it beat so loud that he was sure you were able to hear it. He let his eyes wander back up and when he saw that you were looking at his lips as well, he threw all caution in the wind and just... did it.

He let go of your elbows, took your face in his hands and leaned in, hovering his lips over yours for a short moment to give you an out, to give you time to pull away, but you didn't; instead you closed the small space that was left between you.

A long and deep sigh rumbled in the back of his throat when your lips met and he pulled you closer; as you leaned into him, your hands moved higher until your fingers were tangled in his hair, slightly tugging on it.

When you pulled back – more than reluctantly, but the both of you were still in public – , you were panting, your breaths mingling as your faces were still so close to each other. Spencer kept his eyes closed for a moment longer, not quiet ready to open them yet, afraid that when he did, he would wake up from an incredibly vivid dream.

“I'm sorry”, you suddenly choked out, which made him open his eyes in an instant. Tears were streaming down your face and you took a step back, keeping him at arms length. “I am so sorry, Spencer.”

“Hey, what's wrong? Talk to me, please.” Your emotions had changed so suddenly, he didn't know what happened, what made you cry. He wasn't sure what he should do, how he could help you calm down.

“I'm sorry”, you repeated, shaking your head.

“What for?” Did you regret letting him get close to you again; kissing him? Did you regret, that you hadn't just closed the door right in his face as soon as you had seen him this afternoon?

“Everything!” you choked out. “For how I acted all the time and for leaving like that, for leaving when I did. That I didn't contact you even once. For saying all those things, it wasn't fair. It never was. You didn't deserve it. I was so mean for no reason...” You sniffled and wiped the back of your hand under your nose. “I regretted every word the moment I said it, I didn't mean any of it. I couldn't stop talking and it was like I was losing control over myself and it all just came out and-....”

“Hey, I know...” Spencer took a small step closer to you. “In that moment it hurt, yes. And it took a lot of time until it stopped hurting; sometimes it still does. But I get it. You were scared. Some people get angry and lash out at the people around them when they are scared, especially directed at the person they are scared for; everyone reacts different. It's a totally normal reaction, I don't blame you.“

A sob came over your lips, your face twisting in pain. “Please don't be like that...”

His brows furrowed, a short and sharp pain in his chest. “Like what?”, he breathed out.

“So understanding... I acted like a total bitch to you! You should hate me... Why don't you hate me?” Your voice broke and got smaller with every word.

The corners of his mouth slightly raised to the whisper of a smile and Spencer closed the distance between you, lifting his hands to cup your cheeks. He wholeheartedly meant what he said next; there was not one thing he could think of that would change anything about it.

“I could never hate you.”

“You were shot. You needed me and left you alone and-”

“I've had worse. Before that day in Texas and certainly after”, he trailed off and softly shook his head when your brows furrowed even more, pain and fear so evidently in your eyes; he could tell that you knew he wasn't talking about anything related to the break-up.

“It's okay, I'm okay.” Spencer brushed your tears away, holding your face so gently in his hands as if you'd break into a million pieces if he wasn't careful enough. By the looks of it, you may very well would. Not a risk he was willing to take.

You opened your mouth to say something, but he stopped you from asking what had happened after, by placing his thumb over your lips. “Not tonight.” Gently, he brushed his thumb over your bottom lip to the corner of your mouth. “We'll talk about it all and I will tell you everything, I promise. Just.. not tonight, okay?”

He wanted to stay in that little bubble you had created a little longer and ignore everything else but the feeling of having you back in his arms, being able to kiss and hug and touch you again, he just wanted to revel in your presence and your love. Everything else could wait; the guilt, the talking it out, the pain and especially all the bad stuff he had held back.

You pulled him closer by the collar of his jacket until there was no room left between you. For a second you fought with yourself, your eyes darting back and forth between his like you were looking for something in his gaze before you acted on what you wanted to do. Then-

“I love you.”

Before he could say, think or do anything else, Spencer dove down and pressed his lips against yours, smiling widely into the kiss. His heart was racing and he felt like a huge burden had fallen from his shoulders that he didn't even know he had been carrying. When he pulled back he rested his forehead against yours, his eyes closed. “I love you.”

He couldn't hold back his own soft laugh when he heard you giggle happily before you said: “I can't believe you still want me...”

“It's you. It's always been you and it always will be you.”

[spacebaby1]

Thank you @that-student-that-has-homework for this request! 😌🤭

Sabo was reading a book when Luffy came running to him with it showing him a cake he thought looked delicious on the cookbook he found.

"Look, Sabo! I wish we had cakes like these in the inn. It looks delicious, doesn't it?"

Sabo gasped, getting the idea to bake the cake since the ingredients seemed easy to find. "I think we can bake this! Get Ace, we are doing some shopping." Luffy smiled wide, "WE GONNA BAKE? YAY!" Luffy cheered before running out of the room yelling for Ace.

"How about we get ingredients for each one of us, and let's see who can bake the best cake?" Ace challenged as they entered the small store, Sabo snorted a mocking laughing, "Please, we all know I'll bake the best cake, have fun falling asleep mid baking. Hahh!"

"Is this eatable?" Luffy asked from distance holding up decorations chocolate bar. "NO!" Both Sabo and Ace yelled, rushing to stop him before he shoved it in his mouth. After a long hour of bickering, they finally each one got the ingredients and went home to start baking.

"Put the book on the counter!" Sabo tried to snatch the book from Ace as he held it up reading the instructions. "Let me see!" Luffy jumped to get the book to no avail.

"Stop! Let me read it first." Ace pushed them away, but they won't stop, "Okay, okay! Let's just put it here so we all can see it." Ace placed the book open on the counter, balancing it with a bowl behind it.

He clapped his hands, "Okay! Everyone chose a side of the kitchen and start baking! Pick your position. And let's go!" They all rushed towards their picked sides.

While Sabo kept walking from his place to where the book to read, Luffy added ingredients randomly before snapping the bag of flour on his face, causing Ace to burst out laughing. Ace looked ahead, "Hello everyone to the Ace the beat Baker show. Today, we are going to make the yummiest cake you'll ever taste."

Both Sabo and Luffy narrowed their eyes at him, and he looked at them with a smile, "What? Gotta earn them audience." He smirked, flicking his hair, earning an eye roll from Sabo, "yack!"

For a few seconds, the kitchen was silent before Luffy dropped his flour on all of the floor, "Luffy! Don't mess the kitchen up!" Sabo warned him. Ace joined as he moxed the batter. "Let the kid live."

"I won't if you two destroy the kitchen! We said bake, not trash."

Ace laughed, fully focused on Sabo not noticing Luffy's finger in his batter, and when he saw Luffy licking his finger standing next to Ace, Ace let out a loud screaming staring Luffy "STOP PUTTING YOUR DIRTY HANDS IN MY CAKE! EWW!"

Luffy pouted, licking the rest of the batter, "Don't yell at me!" They both heart Sabo giggle and show them his heart oven bowl full of the batter, "I'm going to finish before the two of you."

Noth Luffy and Ace eyed the bowl, Ace snorted, "Okay, lover boy."

"SHUT UP! IT'S A CUTE BOWL."

"Can I taste the batter?" Luffy reached his finger before Sabo raised the bowl up, "hands OFF!" He immediately rushed to put the bowl in oven only to be followed by Ace placing his next to his. "Luffy, hurry, get yours!" Ace told his brother.

"Okay! Wait!" Both sabo and Ace didn't notice Luffy placing his bowl in only turned when he finally shut the oven. "Okay, I'm done. Sabo put the timer on!" Luffy jumped up and down as Sabo fixed the temperature and time. "Now we are supposed to wait, 30 minutes, then we can check on it." Sabo said happily.

"Let's go out in the garden!" Ace said, and Luffy cheered, "Yay!" The two brothers rushed outside.

"Who's gonna clean your trash!" Sabo ran after them.

They weren't even ten minutes out of the house when Sabo sniffed and looked around, "Hey, do you two smell that?"

Ace sniffed, tilting his, "smells like fire."

"Look, barbecue!" Luffy pointed behind Ace and Sabo. Turning their heads, both of them screamed, making Luffy jump.

"THAT'S NOT BARBECUE! THAT'S OUR KITCHEN ON FIRE!" Sabo yelled, running towards the house.

"HELP!' Ace yelled.

"Nooo! Sabo's cake is on fire!" Was all Luffy yelled.

"Ahhhhh!" Sabo entered the house to find the kitchen on fire, "GET THE WATER!" Ace yelled, dumping water, making the fire rise. The three of them yelled. Sabo kicked Ace on the back of the head, "STOP THAT YOU GONNA BURN THE WHOLE HOUSE."

Luffy threw a pillow into the fire, "LUFFY! STOP IT!" Both Ace and Sabo yelled, seeing the fire increase.

"EAT THE FIRE ACE!"

"LUFFY THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!"

"WE GONNA DIE!' Sabo cried.

"LUFFY'S SHIRT IS ON FIRE -" Ace yelled only for the three of them and the kitchen to be covered in cold powder.

When they opened their eyes, they saw you standing there holding a fire extinguisher. with a confused look on your face. "I left for an hour, and you almost burnt the house down?" You asked and dropped the fire extinguisher when Luffy rushed in your arms, "I almost got burned." You hugged him, "Oh you poor baby." You patted his head before glaring at Sabo and Ace. They both backed away, hugging each other before you spoke again, "Clean the mess now." They nodded rapidly.

Ace groaned, "That mouse, why gets to live this down, and we have to clean -"

"Ace? Did you see which bowl Luffy used?" Sabo asked, his eyes flicking as he held something in his hand, Ace tilted to side, and Sabo turned around, holding a burnt plastic bowl from inside the oven. Yes, when they weren't looking, Luffy placed the bowl he picked. It was a plastic bowl that caused the fire.

Luffy was eating the cupcakes that you had bought from the shop happily sitting on the porch. Both Ace and Sabo approached him with an evil smile. They grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him around, "You little mouse, who puts plastic in oven?" Sabo asked his fake smile, threatening him, and he gulped with a small shrug. Ace spoke, ready to throw a fist at Luffy, "You are going to meet your creator -"

You kicked both Sabo and Ace in the head with a shoe, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? LEAVE LUFFY ALONE!" they both fell on their face off the porch. Luffy rushed behind you, giggling at his brothers on the ground. "Hurry and clean so you two can eat the sandwiches I got for you. Idiots." Both Sabo and Ace sighed, knowing they can't win against Luffy since you're right there.

[koiijournal]

Yandere!Doll x Male!Reader

★. . .Warning : Obssesive behaviour, Delusional yandere,Stalker,Possessive.

'You' / ('Name') is refering to the readers in the story . . . . ! This story is just purely fiction, anything from this story that is similar to any events are coincidence. This is the only page I'm writing in, the idea belongs to me, anywhere else aren't mine. I do not consent others to take the story without permission ^^ ! - English isn't my first language so please don't mind if there are mistakes and correct me if you would!

Yandere!Doll who was found by you years ago on a rainy day at a park, in a bad condition and scary looking. Even with that, you took him in and took care of him

Yandere!Doll who was touched by your kindness and thought that you love him as much as he loves you.

Yandere!Doll who begins seeing you as his new master, he was all dolled up and showered with affection everyday.

Yandere!Doll who especially enjoys it when you hug him to sleep, so warm in your arms.. If only he can stay forever and ever! That would be delightful so please hug him more, yea?

Yandere!Doll who always secretly gets ready to sit on the bed when you were in the bathroom, preparing to go to bed just so you would sleep together with him.

Yandere!Doll who would never let other kids touch him when you have a play date with your friends. Sometimes he purposely scares them just for you to be a social outcast and only focus on him.

Yandere!Doll who thinks that he should be the only friend you have, no one else is an exception not even your family.

Yandere!Doll who was afraid by your family and stays away from you and him together. Some says he would stare at them in hatred.

Yandere!Doll who was sold to an old antique shop without your consent, soon you slowly forgot about your childhood doll.

Yandere!Doll who was terribly heartbroken on that day, he felt like he would die without you, without his master.

Yandere!Doll who promised himself to find you even if he had to walk to the other side of the world, for you, it is possible. So praise him when he gets back to you, alright?

Yandere!Doll who years later, saw you walking past through the old antique shop in a high school uniform and a school bag.

Yandere!Doll who felt sad that you had already grown to a teenager without him by your side :(

Yandere!Doll who also felt a massive joy in him, he almost couldn't contain it. He was trembling and shaking, he felt like he had a heart, a heart who was bumping so hard and loud.

Yandere!Doll who was happy by just seeing you passing through the shop every day for school, but he starts missing the affection he had before..

Yandere!Doll who burst to happiness when you entered the shop on a fateful evening, looking around the calming atmosphere. Please notice me, master!

Yandere!Doll who immediately grabbed your attention, you gently bring him down from the shelves and admire him in your hand.

Yandere!Doll who you remembered from your childhood and immediately recollects the memory of you with him before. You almost jumped excitedly!

Yandere!Doll who was melting in your touch, shed a tear. He felt like it was the first time you had found him again.

Yandere!Doll who was happily carried by you out of the store, yay! You bought him now he's back to you!! As well as his obsession with you But you don't need to know that!

Yandere!Doll who won't let you go out of his grasp this time. Not anymore, never again. He will slowly join your life once again and be with you! Aah.. The feeling of your touch..! He misses it!! So so much.

"Please, let me be by your side,master! Hold me like you do before... Don't leave me like before.. I hate it when you do that,So.. Stay with me forever this time ♡."

[kazonandoff]

So I have some thoughts about LN 12. There will be spoilers!

OK, Volume 12! Pretty good. I think I liked 11 better in terms of pacing and plot but so much good stuff happened in this one. Maomao was in peak form here. This was also a Chue centric volume and she's my second favourite character after Maomao.

I think what dragged this down was some heavy info-dumping in a couple of chapters. One chapter is literally just catching Maomao (aka the reader) with everyone's motivations and schemes. I really feel like this could have done with another 100 more pages, just so things didn't seem so dense. I still couldn't follow everything! Did Hulan try and entrap Maomao or not? Wouldn't it have been obvious to Chue that Hulan was up to something when he sent Maomao to pay a visit to the Ri Prince? Could someone be kind enough to break down what happened for me in simple words? 😅

The action scenes are great in this one too. The highlights are obvious but the one scene that really stood out to me was Maomao stepping in front of Bear-Man to stop him touching Xiaohong. There was none of her usual thought process of "I'm being stupid and reckless" just am immediate no brainer move by her. So so proud of you, girl. The use of the art in these moments was excellent. I felt my heart drop here when I turned the page and saw just how big Bear Man was.

Speaking of proud, MY GOD FINALLY MAOMAO. THAT ONLY TOOK YOU 12 VOLUMES AND 4 YEARS IN-UNIVERSE. Who knew Chue's near death would be the catalyst for Maomao making a move forward with Jinshi?? I actually really loved that scene between Maomao and Chue. Maomao actually using the word "love" even though that terrifies her to think of.

The insecurity of Jinshi, though, still takes me by surprise. He thought Maomao hated him? Maomao I know you're bad at conveying feelings but you really needed to say or do something there. Maybe that L word you so don't like to use? And now that they're an official couple Maomao immediately starts flirting and teasing Jinshi and my boy has no idea what he's in for.

Lastly, the poison dart Chue gave Maomao never got used. I really thought Maomao was gonna kill someone this book but I guess it was a red herring? Also, it took me until the end of the book to realise that was Chue in disguise on the cover 😂

That's the end of the Western Province Saga! We're finally going home again! Yay! Overall I think Western Province Saga might be my favourite one? Book 4 is still my favourite book but this run of books from 9-12 was outstanding. Maomao and Jinshi really grew up in this saga, Maomao especially. She's so much more engaged with everything around her, her sense of justice has jumped way up, her emotional maturity has sky-rocketed. She really stepped out of the shadow of her adopted father here and became more her own person. An adult, really.

Thoughts where this goes from here: for starters, I feel like Maomao is going to step more into the role of Lady and away from commoner. That's where she's been heading all series but to be a legitimate marriage choice for Jinshi she'll have to step up. Which means accepting her biological dad 🫣 Mysteries and schemes, I'm less sure about but the political stage just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I think eventually Maomao will head even further west but not for the foreseeable future.

That's a lot of words, sorry everyone! But I had a lot of thoughts about this book. Please share your own, I have no one to talk about this series with 😭

[earthbovndmisfit]

Yay you're anwering asks again! Which seem to be old ones lol.

On the idea of mer Jonawagon where Jonathan is the human and Speedwagon is the merman, perhaps the rest of the Ogre Street gang could be mers as well, living in tightly-knit pods like orcas and coming into conflict with seagoers who see them as "monsters"? And with Jonathan as a human Dio would make a great human antagonist too, perhaps being a hunter of the mers who despises Jonathan for empathizing with them.

Perhaps Jonathan's meeting with them could play out like it did in canon PB, with them initially attacking him as an intruder to their turf before he shows mercy and kindness to their leader, thus earning their friendship.

Last one seemed to be from a couple weeks ago, but there are a lot that are a year old or more…. (sorry!!! bad brain has been an absolute bitch all of 2024 so far)

I really like your idea nonny!! I feel like the Ogre Street guys don't get the love and appreciation they deserve and I'm more than happy to be able to include them in these AUs too! I like the idea of them all being a gang still. They already have some intimidating appearances in the og, and that would definitely add to their mer versions as well. Seagoers would think of them at monsters at first sight, especially if they aren't familiar with merpeople or other "non-conventional" sea creatures, I'm sure 😔️ They -along with Speedwagon- would probably be outcasts on land at best (probably back at home too if they happen to be criminals or other types of "pariah"), and I think that could add to their bond with Jonathan, who thinks of them as friends (and more, in Speedwagon's case of course 🤭️💕️).

Idk if this idea was thought to be part of the Sailor Jona/Mer Speedwagon scenario?? But if so, then we can mesh both ideas and have Jona and Spw meet the way mentioned in the other post. They start getting to know each other and maybe arrange to meet again near land in the next port the ship is scheduled to visit.

The day comes and it so happens that Speedwagon's gang is hanging around that area before either Spw or Jonathan get there, not knowing about Spw's new human friend. Jonathan is the first one to show up at the meeting spot by the shoreline (and away from privy eyes, in the case of a universe where merpeople are not common knowledge? idk). Dear Jojo even brought some trinkets and things he thought Spw might find interesting and that no one onboard will miss. That's when Spw's gang notice him and jump into action, not only because he's entering their domains, but also because they have eyed those trinkets and want to rip them away from him. A fight ensues then. As limited as my knowledge on merfolk is, I'm pretty sure they are way stronger than humans (correct me if I'm wrong please!). I'm also guessing there would be no hamon in this AU, and so it's very likely that Jonathan would be overpowered eventually despite his superhuman strength from the og (can't imagine Jonathan not being buff and built like a brickwall, so he keeps his og massive size and frame). It's right there when Speedwagon shows up and scolds and shouts at his friends to leave the man alone. He was reaching the spot when he saw everything as it started going down, making him rush over to them as fast as he could. Spw's friends realize they kinda fucked up and apologize, helping Jonathan up and back on his feet. The idea kinda breaks my heart, but maybe some of the trinkets got broken during the confrontation and now Jonathan feels bad about it, although, he's happy that Speedwagon saved him from what would have very likely been a much worse outcome.

And of course Speedwagon is moved, not only by Jonathan's kindness since he really was under no obligation or whatever to bring him anything, and yet he did, but he's also moved by that faintest of pouts on Jojo's lips upon seeing what just happened to the little presents he brought for Speebs. Being mostly outcasts, I'm sure neither Spw or his friends are used to show or being shown love in any of its forms outside of their little group, so it comes as a surprise even to Speedwagon himself when he pulls Jonathan into a hug to make him feel better and stop worrying about the now broken presents. All this surprises Spw's gang too for the previously stated reasons, but it is clear to them now that their boss sees something special in that man and that, judging by his gesture of bringing him a present, he seems to be genuine in his intentions, and so they ease up on him, genuinely apologizing for the incident and what they have unknowingly caused. They are all wary of humans due to past bad experiences, but Jonathan continues to prove over time that he's someone they can fully trust and rely on, and so Speebs and his gang often follow him closely during his journeys across the sea.

[atopearth]

Ikemen Vampire Part 13 - Vlad Route

I am so so excited!! Vlad is so beautiful and I'm even more interested in him after le Comte's route, so yay!! Off to a great start with the beautiful CG tbh, it's so prettyyyy!! I don't even blame the heroine for being so attracted to Vlad's ethereal beauty that she's been trying to look for him ever since she saw him haha, especially since he gave her a huge bouquet of flowers, like who wouldn't swoon?! Vlad smiling is the sweetest thing ever, I die for his smile. It's so adorable how Vlad told the heroine to work for him one hour every day after she finishes her shopping, and he's just been taking her around and trying to cheer her up and play with her lol. He's so sweet. Legitt, how can you not fall for Vlad when he plays the violin, invites you to dance and have fun? He is an angel🥲 Omg Vlad can tell jokes, I am dead, he's so cute. And he's so thoughtful and I love how he gives her flowers always representing something meaningful.

The heroine really is always so reckless. I kinda wish they didn't reuse the trying to save Vincent's painting scenario again in this route but seeing Theo and Vincent so concerned over her was really sweet so it's okay. I find it so sweet how the guys were actually gossiping about the heroine getting close to a guy outside all this time and how they wanted to introduce themselves, and how nice it would be if this made her decide to stay with them in this world. They're so cute!! Which makes it all the more saddening that this person had to be Vlad. I can't imagine seeing the person I love so calmly deal with a person like a "wilted flower" and yet look the same as usual. But I can't bear to hate them, especially remembering how Charles asked the heroine to please not hate them😭 I'm glad Napoleon talked to the heroine and discussed whether they could really just write off Vlad as just "evil". When Vlad came and gave the heroine the single red rose, I couldn't help but soften my heart for him. Like, I've been taken by Vlad the first time I saw him, but seeing the pure and genuine person he is that keeps his promises regardless of what happens makes my heart so happy yet hurt so much. He's the one who had to see the desolate future, the one who experienced it first hand and know how it feels to be all alone in a world of nothingness, and it's just impossible for me to blame him for his actions knowing how "kind" he is.

The heroine is brave for jumping into that door with the warped space not knowing if she'll be able to arrive at where she wants to go or not. Kid Vlad is very cute. Considering how the girl in the portrait looked exactly like the heroine, I'm not surprised it was actually the her who time travelled to the past and thus completing the time paradox but I guess it does make a bit more sense as to why Vlad listens to her. It honestly breaks my heart to think about Vlad having to face the fate of his whole family and clan massacred by vampire hunters at such a young age. A child with no one to rely on anymore and no one to care for him, and yet despite everything, he still turned out so kind. I wanted to cry when Vlad thanked her for finding him (in the closet when his parents said they're playing hide and seek) and said he'll find her next time. If they make the heroine Vlad's reason for living all this time and to not hate humans but instead the crimes they commit, how an I supposed to happily do the other routes where she doesn't end up with him? 😭 But I guess considering how Vlad is, he'll probably be happy for the heroine as long as she's happy. Considering she was the one who saved him when he was a child, I guess it's understandable that Vlad would be more receptive towards her ideals and the future she wants because he's only living in this world because of her existence, so how can I really fault him for changing his goals because of her? And I guess seeing her again helped him think that he can believe in humans again since she has always been as kind as she used to be in his memory.

I spent my gems and got the premium story for chapter 24 and I really enjoyed seeing the heroine tell him she wanted them to live side by side together and protect the world together because she didn't want him alone to carry the burden as some sort of divine child or god that is deemed to protect this world, but she wants them both to protect this world because they love both humans and vampires and they want everyone to live happily, just like his original wish, and I couldn't help but feel touched by that. Life was so difficult for Vlad because he was always 'alone', so even though his wish was probably the same, the methods he decided on changed because he didn't believe in people like he could back then, so I'm glad he's found the heroine again. They can support each other. It was so funny how the guys basically had a round table discussion on where the heroine would stay lmao. One thing I really liked is that Vlad was the one to ask the heroine to become a vampire so they could spend eternity together. Usually, the guy finds it difficult or they hesitate because it's a life of torture but I love that Vlad has confidence that they'll love each other for eternity and knows the heroine feels the same so him asking her to become a vampire felt like a strong profession of love rather than a request that I would be scared for the heroine to accept. I believe in Vlad's love for her and I believe in her strength that no matter what happens, they'll be able to overcome it together. I wish we got a snippet of their vampire life though haha.

Overall, even though real life ended up interfering and I took a long break from this route, I have to say it didn't diminish my feelings for Vlad at all! I really liked Vlad and his route was good. I enjoyed how we got to see how kind Vlad was and how that kindness caused him to go down a path others didn't accept. I empathised with him and loved him understanding his choices even if it hurt many people. I think what I loved the most was seeing the young Vlad and how all along, he has been looking for the heroine and also waiting for her to find him. I loved how they both cherished each other as much as the other did and I liked how the her from the past and the her in the present saved him and gave him hope to believe in the kindness of humans again. I won't say the route was perfect, but everything that I didn't like, Vlad's personality and sweetness more than made up for.