#I know I haven’t been active but there are some works in progress that I have 👀

[lovebvni]

mindset of manifestation & how i manifest

like melanie martínez, i am back from the dead.

i apologize for being gone so long, but i needed a break from tumblr. i saw toxicity swirling in the community, my life got busy, and i decided it was just time for a break. when i was planking to come back, i just saw how things got terrible and i got upset and decided not to come back.

so, im back now and with a little tutorial on how i manifest!!! <3 i hope this can help some of you out.

let’s start with background.

manifesting is kind of like predicting the future. you have something you want to happen, then it happens soon after. i feel like this is the easiest way to get into the manifestation mindset. you cannot change what you’re getting if you want it. could you change your mind later and return it like a package? yes! but before it arrives, you know it’s arrival is coming.

sure, there can be delays, but it all is going to turn out YOUR way in the end.

nile and i have been working on our mindset and this is something they wrote that i think can be really helpful — as it was to me.

from the past two years we have been actively manifesting, we learned that we often saw things as “crazy”. but manifesting isn’t crazy, it’s quite normal.

every time you get dressed in the morning, it’s an act of manifestation. you’re showing up with what you want.

manifestation is a mondane activity!! stop treating it like it was a kiss from an angel!

by reading this, you’re manifesting your eyes working, you’ve used your hands to open an app, and you have believed you can read and get through this blog! without manifesting that, you would not be here.

the first step to manifestation is believing you can do it, believing you have done it, and believing you will continue to do it. period.

there are many MANY different ways to manifest, but i manifest in 3 ways (sometimes i use all three, sometimes i use just 1 or 2.)

!! I ALMOSR FORGOT TO PUT THIS AND IM ADDING IT BEFORE I GET TO NUMBER 2 OMG!!

STOP! BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE I WANT YOU TO GET A NOTEBOOK, A SHEET OF PAPER, OR MAKE A CHECKLIST ON YOUR PHONE IN YOUR NOTES APP!!!

now i want you to write down everything you want right now down and leave the boxes blank if you haven’t gotten them yet.

once you get through that, i want you to randomly click between some of the items you want and write down things you wanted that you did get! they can be some simple and things from years ago, what matters is you have them down. throw in some things that you may have to do for school or work while you’re at it.

here’s an example! (left is before checking off, right is after)

as you can see, i added a note to the side because i got what i wanted and more abundantly! i had been manifesting a dog since i was a young child, and in 2021, i got 2!!!! (one is laying at my feet right now <3)

continue to do this daily, weekly, or whatever you have time for. i personally do this on notion and i try to add something new daily (im adding the heartstopper thing rn!!)

but yeah!! write everything u want down, and continue to add to it, just so u can see progress DOES happen and your work and effort DOES pay off!

affirming and persisting

this id the first way i learned to manifest, and the most self-explanatory.

you simply repeat what you want over and over until you get it! but not in the future tense, in the current or past tense.

ex; “i passed my maths final!”, “im so happy my boyfriend gave me those roses for valentine’s day, he’s so sweet!”, “i finished the essay for english like a week before it was due!” “i got the lead role in my play! im so excited!” etc.

now, the common factor between all of these is having a positive mindset about them. i cannot tell you HOW many times i manifested something would go well, and right before they happened, i got in a shitty mind space and wondered if it would ever happen.

but, nonetheless, i persisted through and i got what i wanted.

the pain have have been feeling cant compare to the joy that is coming. Romans 8:18

persisting is basically pushing through. think about the time you didn’t think you would make it through an injury, a school year, a trial, yet you still walked through it — even if it was slow.

like when work days are long and you want to go home, but you can’t, so you persist.

i try to think of my manifestations as an ultimatum. it’s going to happen, and that’s final. the only thing you have to do to get it is stay conscious.

and staying conscious, walking through those days, is how you get to the end!

i use affirming and persisting with pretty much everything, which is why it was first.

2. listening to subs.

it’s that simple — listen to an audible subliminal that has the results you want over and over!! that’s all i do u guys. here’s my playlist if u want it (IF I DELETE IT CHECK MY PINNED POST!! I UPDATE IT OFTEN)

i often use @stilljuststardust’s subs, slade’s subs, enchanted workshops’ subs and i want it, i got it’s subs!

all of them are trusted and credible. i cannot promise you that all the subs in my playlist will work for you, as they are (sometimes) linked to my personal desires.

3. pinterest manifestation!!

i recommend having either a whole pinterest account or a board set aside for this way of manifestation.

you simply make boards (or sections) for things you want. i would say this is best for physical items, people, looks, makeup, etc. things that re physically tangible, rather than something like reality shifting (although i do have a reality shifting board! it has been working pretty well <3)

i also have one for my mindset, my religion, so on and so forth (link btw)

i think this is pretty self explanatory. just save picture of things you want and quotes/affirmations and DONE!

i also use this sub with it :p it’s worked WONDERSSS!

if you have any other questions i will be happy to answer them!! i love you all!! go manifest!!

[sanguineterrain]

Hi again 😊 You suggested i could send another prompt, sooo… maybe you & Jason have been together awhile, and you’re kidnapped by (choose your villain) and Jason is worried and frantic but trying to not show it of course, and negotiating for your safety? Ends up rescuing you of course, in whichever way you prefer, and then they find comfort in each-other 💗

I haven’t had time or energy to work on my WIP lately so this is very lovely and gratifying 😂👌🏻💗

aghh that's the worst! wishing you luck on your wip!! i'm glad you like these <3 requests are open for jason, dick, and MAWS!clark kent btw!

this one is very batfam focused hehehe. ft dramatic ass jason and his surprise kidnapped fiancé lol.

jason todd x gn!reader. tw: violence, kidnapped reader, reader is pushed off a building for a moment but they're okay dw <3, batfam feels, jason being a protective bf, bruce being a GOOD DAD! c:

****

"Actually, if we're being honest, if anyone has the most trauma in this family, it's—"

Batman grunts. "Really, Spoiler, not now."

The comm line crackles as Stephanie sniffs. "Fine. Stay in denial."

"Bats."

Every bat and bird in Gotham goes still.

"Hood?" Barbara asks carefully, already tracking his comm link.

"Oracle," he says, clipped. "I'm gonna get right to it: I need a favor. Can you help? Yes or no."

"Little Wing, where have you been?" Dick asks. "We've all—"

"Shut up, Nightwing," Jason growls. "Either you help me or not. Which is it?"

"We'll help you, Hood," Bruce says, voice washing over Jason like a balm.

Jason takes a deep breath. It's okay. He'll find you. Batman always beats the bad guys.

He fiddles with his jacket zipper. Moments tick by. Dick remains crouched on a rooftop. Damian is similarly poised.

"My..." Jason swallows. "My... fiancé's been taken."

The comm explodes with noise. Jason winces and digs the bud out of his ear for several seconds.

"Fiancé?!"

"You're getting married—"

"When was this—"

"Who are—"

"Enough," Jason growls, finally shoving the bud back into his ear. "I don't have fucking time for this. Yes, I am engaged, and they've been taken. No more questions."

"Tt. You are engaged? Impossible. Batman, clearly someone has hacked the line pretending to be Hood," Damian says, folding his arms.

Jason rolls his eyes. "Believe it or not, demon bird, I found someone crazy enough to marry me."

"Little Wing, I—I'm really proud of—"

"Shut up!" Jason pinches the bridge of his nose. This was a bad idea. You're in trouble, and Jason intends to tear Gotham apart to find you, but involving his family? Has he really stooped so low...

Deep breath. His focus is you. You're the only person that matters.

"Look, I'm telling you because Oracle's tracking me anyway, and B would snoop until he figured out who I'm really looking for, so it's easier to just tell you. But make no mistake: you aren't my family, and you won't see us again after tonight."

Bruce's throat tightens. His cape flutters in the wind.

"Very well," he says after a couple beats. "Last known location?"

"I'm sending you the address now. I've retraced my steps a hundred times though, and I can't—" Jason grits his teeth. He can't tear up or break things, not again. "Fuck. I can't fucking find them, B. I... I don't know if-if maybe I'm too late—"

"You're not," Dick says automatically. "We'll find them, Little Wing. We'll bring them home."

****

Your head is on fire.

It feels like there's a thousand needles pelting your skull. Whatever you were drugged with, it's hard stuff, and it hasn't worn away yet.

You look up; you're gagged and tied to some kind of support beam. As your vision clears, you see that you're in one of the new high rise-in-progress. Only the skeleton of the building has been completed because if Bruce Wayne isn't involved, construction takes forever to complete.

Faintly, you recall Jason mentioning something about a construction company leaving half finished projects across the country and using them as havens for criminal activities.

Yeah. This is not good.

"Where the fuck is he?" The voice echoes across the concrete floor foundation.

"Mike, we sent—"

"I don't give a fuck what you did; obviously, you screwed up! He's not coming!"

You close your eyes, trying not to throw up on your gag. Your head spins when you open your eyes again.

Who's not coming? Your rescuer? Or somebody worse than your kidnappers?

You try to take a deep breath, but your chest tightens instead.

"Fine," Mike barks in the adjacent room. "If that hooded psychopath doesn't show up, we'll just dump this one. That'll send a message. Prepare the explosives."

A door swings open, and you flinch. You cower, shrinking from the figure.

"You better hope he shows," the guy growls, and cocks his gun. "Your boyfriend is the only reason you're still alive. It'll be such fun to watch him fall to his death, don't you think?"

You try not to show your swelling panic. How does he know about you and Jason? And you have to warn him. Explosives. Jason's walking straight into a trap, without backup, because you know he'll be alone. He always works alone.

Mike sneers and waves the gun around.

"Oh, yeah. I know your secrets. In bed with Gotham's biggest crime lord. You must be his favorite. I can see why."

"Mike!" someone shouts. "We got company!"

Mike's eyes blaze cruelly. "Showtime. You're coming with me."

You thrash as hard as you can because if there's one thing Jason taught you, it's to always fight back.

Mike backhands you hard enough to send you sprawling. Your hands are bound, so you can't catch yourself, and you hit your head on the concrete. Blood pools in your gums.

"Try that shit again, bitch," he snarls, and hefts you up.

He drags you up a flight of stairs. Your head throbs, and now your jaw aches. You're too dizzy to try to fight back again.

You end up on the roof, which is a miasma of beams and wooden lattices. Wind cuts through your face, and you close your eyes so they don't water.

"Hood!" Mike crows. "Wonderful of you to join us!"

"Wish I could say the same," Jason says, and your heart leaps at the sound of his voice.

You start to shout through your gag because you have to warn him. It's a trap, he'll kill you both—

Mike wraps his arm around your throat and squeezes. Air stops, and you choke on your cries.

"I'll kill you," Jason snarls, and you know he wants to say more, but he's trying to protect you. "Let them go and maybe I won't break every bone in your body."

"Oh, don't worry. You two will be reunited soon. What is it they say? Love blinds you?"

"Michael Cassidy," a new voice says, deep and deadly. "Let go of the hostage. We can talk this out."

You crack open your eyes. Is that... Batman? And Robin? And... Nightwing? What—

The arm around your throat tightens and you gasp for air as you start to choke for real. Oh God. Batman's going to die because of you.

"You involved Batman?" Mike snarls, now truly irate. You feel yourself being dragged backward, toward the edge. Your stomach rolls in warning.

"Take it easy," Batman says, palms up. "We can work this out."

"You can't play fair?" Mike shouts. "Then neither will I!"

The wood beneath your feet is gone. You're falling.

"No!"

But no sooner than you fall are you caught. Warm arms encircle your waist, and you're jerked to a stop before you can fall more than a few feet.

"I got you, baby, I got you."

Jason is connected to a grapple. At the roof edge is Batman, Nightwing, and Spoiler, all holding the grapple.

You shake your head, screaming against your gag. Bomb. Bomb!

"'S alright, 's alright, sweetheart, I won't drop you."

You scream urgently through your gag, butting your head against his helmet. Jason pulls your gag half free and you choke out the warning.

"B-bomb!"

His grip tightens. "Shit. B, get out of here! Place is rigged to blow!"

The first explosion goes off. Jason meets your gaze. He's terrified, you can tell, but he tries to mask it.

"Let go," he says.

"Wh—"

"He'll catch you," Jason promises. "I trust him."

And then he lets go.

Several more explosions go off. The building begins to crumble. Dust and heat sweep across your face and lodge in your already sore throat. You scream, in the air for a few more seconds.

Then you crash into gray body armor. A cowl, a cape.

"It's alright," Batman gruffly says. "Hold on tight."

Batman swings you both to safety on an adjacent rooftop. You watch him dive back into the flames. It isn't long before Jason swings out of the smoke, then the others. He pulls off his helmet and tosses it to the side, arms open.

You run and bury your face in Jason's neck, clinging to him. He hugs your tightly and rubs your back, saying over and over, I got you.

You sigh and slacken out of exhaustion.

"I've got you, baby," he says, though his voice is wet this time. "You're safe."

Jason checks over your wounds. You see the rage cross his face several times at every bruise and cut on you. He doesn't let go of you even after he's done. He's shaking too, perhaps more than you, as he cuts your binds and completely removes your gag.

The Bats land gracefully behind you. Jason stiffens as they do.

You kiss his jaw. His gaze returns to you.

"You saved me," you say.

"I always will," he says. "Always."

"Are either of you injured?"

Batman suddenly swishes to your side. You blink, startled.

"Nothing serious," you say. Jason grunts unhappily at that. You manage a smile. "Thank you. All of you. Thank you so much."

Jason nods stiffly. "Thanks, Bats."

Nightwing smiles, face soft with affection. "'Course, Hood. And, uh, Hood's fiancé. We're there any time you need us."

"That's right, chum," Batman says. The obvious care in his voice makes you ache.

Jason had called his family. His family with whom he has a plethora of problems. He'd called them for you.

"Jay," you say, voice thick with emotion. He seems to understand instantly.

"I'll always bring you home," he vows, cupping your face. "Whatever it takes."

He pulls you to him like he can't bear to be away from you any longer.

You squeeze his wrists. "I know. It's okay, Jay. I'm okay."

Out of the corner of your eye, you see that the Bats still have not dispersed. Spoiler looks like she's about to melt into a puddle. Nightwing is the same. Even Batman looks a little sentimental.

Robin is the only one scowling, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Hood, are you not going to introduce your fiance-we-just-learned-existed-tonight?" Robin asks, arms folded.

Jason huffs. "Not with those manners, demon brat."

You roll your eyes and extend your hand to Batman. You say your name, smiling.

"It's an honor to meet you, sir," you say.

Batman laughs, and it sounds a little fond. It's also kind of weird to hear Batman laugh. "No sir necessary. It's equally an honor to meet the person my son is marrying."

Jason makes a choked little noise. You beam.

"Well," Batman murmurs. "We'll let you two get home. We'll track down the rest of Michael's thugs—"

"Come to the wedding," Jason blurts.

Batman stills. "Me?" he asks carefully.

"Everybody," Jason says, tugging you into his side. "Uncle Clark, Aunt Diana, Selina, your ten thousand kids, everyone."

He turns to you. "I-I mean, as long as that's okay with you, baby."

"Oh, Jay. It's your family. Of course I want them to come." You lean in to whisper in his ear. "I'm proud of you."

"Little Wing, c'mere!"

Nightwing tackles Jason in a hug, then drags Robin, who protests loudly, in by his cape. Spoiler snaps a picture from the sideline.

"Now that's adorable," she says.

Batman looks at you. He removes his cowl, and you gasp quietly. He smiles, and it makes him look decades younger. You guess he hasn't smiled much since he lost Jason.

"Thank you," he says.

You tilt your head. "For what?"

"For bringing him back to us."

You duck your head. "Oh, Mr. Wayne, that wasn't me—"

"Bruce," he corrects gently. "And it was. You played a bigger part than you know. You saved him. Thank you."

[the-wandering-whumper]

Hello lovelies.

I don’t exactly know how to do this, but here goes.

You haven’t seen me around lately because I’ve been dealing with some pretty serious health issues. Turns out I’ve got this very rare genetic disorder that’s only going to get progressively worse from here on out. It’s called Spinocerebeller Ataxia, if you want to look it up. It attacks my cerebellum causing balance and coordination issues. And, as of right now, there is no cure and no treatment. It’s a terminal diagnosis.

I struggled for a long time trying to decide if I should tell you guys about this or not. Or if I should just slowly fade out of your collective recollections like a happy memory, but then I thought about how nobody in my real life really knows about this wonderful community, and how they wouldn’t know to tell you all once I was gone. And I couldn’t just drop off the face of the planet like that without some kind of explanation. And… well, I just really miss you guys, too

I have no idea how long I’m going to have. This disease is so rare and it affects everyone so differently, but I think doing some gifs and getting back into reblogging whump might help. So I’m going to try and finish up all the requests I have over at my gifs blog and get this blog active again.

I hope it was the right decision to tell you guys. In fact, I may share some of my journey on here if you’d rather unfollow me so you don’t have to read about it. This is heavy and I don’t expect anyone to stick around for it. But I also could have another 5-10 years, depending on how my disease progresses, and I’m going to make the most of it. It’s just going to be very hard fought. I’m disabled now and I need all the love and support I can get as I traverse this new normal. I can still work and I’m still mobile for now, but that’s changing fast. I start physical and speech therapy soon, and hopefully that will help with some of my symptoms.

I love you all so much and I’m happy to answer any of your questions over DM but, please forgive me if I don’t respond to many asks publicly.

Love you always,

Marie

[pamwritessometimes]

Friday I’m in Love

Russell Shaw x reader

(Tuesday’s Gone drabble)

Tuesday’s Gone masterlist

Main masterlist

Current Works in Progress

Summary: Russell wants to have a serious conversation with you.

Warnings: mentions of almost losing someone, misunderstandings, fluff and banter, otherwise none🤍

Song inspo: Friday I’m in Love by The Cure

Friday nights were usually your favorite. Emma had a habit of spending the night with either your parents, your sister, Dory, or one of her kindergarten friends, giving you and Russell a few blissful hours just to yourselves. So much so that Russell had even hired two bartenders for brewery duties on those nights, just so you two could have some uninterrupted time together.

You loved those nights. Despite the PG-rated activities, you could talk and spend time together without any distractions or responsibilities breathing down your necks.

This Friday was different, though. It started with a serious conversation. The kind that made your stomach do that awful little flip.

Russell sat across from you at the kitchen table, elbows resting on the worn wood, fingers drumming an uneven rhythm. He was nervous, you could see.

“We need to talk” he said.

Ah. The four words no one ever wants to hear.

Your heart stuttered, but still answered as softly as you could. “Okaaay…?”

Russell exhaled through his nose, gaze flicking to the ceiling like he was searching for words. Not. Good.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about… the future” he started. His tone was so goddamn careful like he was easing into bad news. “About us. About—”

You shot up from your chair, shaking your head. “If you’re about to break up with me, Russ, I swear to God—“

“What?” His head jerked back, eyes wide. ��Break up with you? Are you—? No! Jesus— sit down!”

“Then what?” you demanded, heart still hammering. “You’ve got the face.”

“The face?”

“Yeah. The face. The serious face. The ‘I’m about to tell you something that’s gonna make you mad’ face. And I see you’re anxious as hell.”

He blinked. Then sighed, rubbing a hand over his jaw. “Y’know, I had this whole speech planned out. Real romantic, all that. But now you’re looking at me like you wanna throw me out the window, so—” Russell pushed his chair back, got up, and dropped to one knee. “—better just jump straight to the main point.”

Your brain short-circuited.

“Are you kidding—”

“Lemme talk” he cut in, smirking now. “Or I really will make you mad.”

Your mouth snapped shut.

He pulled a small velvet box from his pocket and popped it open, revealing a ring — a simple, elegant thing, nothing flashy, nothing overdone. Still, it was perfect.

Russell looked up at you, and there wasn’t a hint of teasing in his expression. Just warmth. Just certainty. Just love.

“You and me… we’ve been through more than most” he started, voice steady yet soft. “And I know I haven’t exactly had the best track record when it comes to sticking around... or tellin’ the truth.” He huffed a quiet laugh. “But somehow, despite all my bullshit, you’re still here. Even though, honestly, I don’t think I deserve it.”

You swallowed hard, your heart caught somewhere between your throat and your ribs. That he was still so hard on himself made your heart clench.

“I thought I lost you once” he continued, his grip tightening slightly on the box. “And then I thought I lost Emma before I even got to know her. And let me tell you, sweetheart, that kind of regret… It’ll eat a man alive.”

Your chest ached at the memory.

Russell shook his head, giving you a small, lopsided smile. “But then… you let me back in. And Emma? She looked at me like I hung the damn moon up there. Like I was hers, no matter what.” He let out a breath. “And you— You make me wanna be better. Not just for you, not just for her. For me.”

He reached for your hand, running his thumb over your fingers.

“So yeah, I’ve been thinking a lot about the future. And I know exactly what I want.” His grin softened. “It’s you, darlin’. It’s always been you.”

Your breath left you in a rush.

“So” he went on, tilting his head. “What do you say? Wanna make it official? Wanna marry the guy who definitely almost gave you a heart attack just now?”

You let out a shaky laugh. “I think I’m gonna fugly cry.”

“That ain’t a no” he teased.

You rolled your eyes, your heart still hammering, your throat still tight. Then, finally, you grinned. “Yeah, Russ. It’s a yes. You seriously thought I’d say no?!”

His face split into that full, heart-melting smile, the one that made you fall for him in the first place back at that goddamn diner.

“Well… your dad gave me hell until he gave me his blessing. Made a man question himself” he admitted.

“You asked Dad?” Your heart skipped a beat.

“‘course. I know what he’d say if I didn’t. And I’m not looking to fall out of his good graces again… once was more than enough, trust me.”

He stood, sliding the ring onto your finger, then tugged you in by the waist, pressing his forehead to yours.

“See?” he murmured. “Not so bad.”

You huffed a laugh. “I really thought you were breaking up with me.”

Russell chuckled against your lips. “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Consider it payback for making me sit through that ridiculously long series with Colin Firth yesterday.”

You gasped. “You said you liked Pride and Prejudice!”

“Sweetheart, I was asleep before the first twenty minutes were up.”

“Unbelievable” you muttered, tugging him in for a kiss anyway.

And just like that, this Friday officially became your favorite.

Hehe, I’d say it was about time, wouldn’t you? Anyway, hope you enjoyed this little detour in the Tuesday’s Gone-verse! 🤍

xx Pam

🤍Series Taglist🤍

@bitchykittenconnoisseur @smoothdogsgirl @spnfamily-j2 @winchesterwild78 @deans-spinster-witch @deans-baby-momma @zepskies @kr804573 @sebastianstangirl01 @kmc1989 @drakelover78 @amberlthomas @lomlbuckybarnes @n-o-p-e-never @roseblue373

[blughxreader]

Ok but I just wanna know how Bruce would feel about knowing that your two new brothers broke some boundaries in the a/b/o fic, like he’s over here trying to make you comfortable in your new family while Dick and Jason are are activating their step sis kink

Haven’t touched much on Brucie in my abo fics, but he’s complacent!

Before “reconnection session,” where Dick and Jason forcibly pack bonded w Batsis, he was growing increasingly worried.

The man’s so kind to the people he saves, but he CANNOT, for the life of him, figure out how to emotionally navigate around you.

He knows he’s the villain in your eyes, so his attempts at kindling a bond with you are immediately hindered. He's tried being gentle, he's tried giving your life comfortable structure and clear expectations, but there's still been no progress.

Bruce is very slow on forcing emotionally binding things on you.

So upon finding out what Dick and Jason did over the weekend, he was... apprehensive.

What made his acceptance easier was because it was DICK who did it. Dick, the universally-accepted heart of the Bats. If anyone knew how to ease you into the family, it was him.

Bruce wasn't happy, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little relieved. (Especially when the pull of the pack bond started making you welcome their intimacy.)

Furthermore, when your body began resisting heat suppressants, Bruce knew he had to find a heat mate for you quickly.

As BEGRUDGINGLY as he accepted this new reality, he admits that having his sons, who he knows inside and out, be your heat mate is the best solution.

Jason has been working hard to curb his Pit Rage and bloodlust (and although he operates differently than Bruce, there aren’t any more duffle bags of heads). But he still has the core values and kindness he did as Robin.

Dick is a non-starter, honestly. Batman says that Nightwing is the cleaner, better version of Batman.

YET Dick also has a nasty habit of bottling up his emotions and being manipulative. Jason, who empathy and emotional perception for days (& who doesnt take shit from anyone), is a good counter.

Overall they’re a good combo that balance each other out. Bruce isn’t happy with the brother to heat-mate to potential husband pipeline, but its not the very worst thing that could happen.

As long as they put your needs before their own, he approves.

[nezoriy]

Trans people in Ukraine: transition process, legislations, healthcare, and social attitudes 

Kyiv, 2024. A protest for adopting bill #5488 that defines hate crimes and introduces harsher punishments for them. The author stands second to the left. Photo source

Whether it’s Ukraine, Palestine, or other “third world” countries, the issue of queer rights is often used even by the relatively well-meaning liberals to claim: “We shouldn’t help them, look how badly they treat their queers!”

Of course, the ethical argument against it would be that no one deserves genocide and not that “the situation is not that bad.” But anyone who has argued online at least once knows that’s not how it works. So the argument I'm here to make is:

Trans rights and lives in Ukraine are not that bad.

I’m a trans man living in Kyiv. I’m currently medically and legally transitioning, I have a lot of trans/nb friends and try to involve myself in activism. So I have both first-hand experience and up-to-date info to talk about the issue.

Let me be very clear here: things are not perfect. 

We still don’t have a lot of legal protections we need. The human factor and community networks matter a lot. But it’s not the “leave the country if you’re trans” levels of bad, and haven’t been for a while. 

Compared to some Western European countries with rights for self-id and third gender markers, Ukraine is obviously not that progressive.

However, after learning more about the UK’s trans issues, as well as the various US states’ anti-trans legislations, I was compelled to write this text because I wanted to say from the bottom of my heart: “Shut the fuck up” to everyone who wants to say something about how backward Ukraine is. 

In Ukraine, trans and other queer people can live their lives relatively freely. And what’s even more important: in contrast to a lot of “developed” countries, the situation with trans rights and social acceptance is actually improving. 

(Am I afraid that our society and legislators will slide backward with the influence tr*mp will have over the whole world? Yes. But that’s another issue entirely. And historically, even during his first term, our laws actually improved.)

So, if you ever find yourself arguing about Ukraine, here is everything you need to know to also politely ask everyone bemoaning “poor” Ukrainian queers’ fates to shut up.

In the first part, I talk about general vibes, and in the second one, I go into the transition process in way more depth than was necessary. This monstrosity absolutely got out of hand, if I’m honest. Maybe I need to try to shoot a YouTube video so people can use it as background noise.

Read on Medium or keep reading here.

In any case, enjoy!

How do trans people in Ukraine live? Laws, attitudes, and vibes

Kyiv, 2024. A protest for adopting bill #5488. The author stands second to the right. The poster says “Stop violence against transgender people. Adopt 5488.” Photo source

So, you’re transitioning. What life in Ukraine has in store for you?

Ukrainian trans legislations

There’s a clear legal procedure that allows Ukrainian trans people to change their gender marker and all of their legal documents.

In Ukraine, there are some laws to protect against discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity. 

There are also laws prohibiting hate speech/discrimination in the media. They don't protect from misgendering, insensitive jokes, and stereotyping. But show me a country where they do.

There are no laws prohibiting trans people from using the right bathrooms.

Unfortunately, you can only transition medically and legally once you turn 18. Minors can get a psychiatric diagnosis (but not F64.0) but they don't have access to puberty blockers. 

There are still quite a lot of hate crimes. Police are often not investigating them properly. They get classified as “hooliganism” instead of a hate crime. The good news: more people are reporting them, and NGOs are actively working on these cases. Bad news: the bill to define hate crimes specifically and introduce harsher repercussions for them has been lying in the parliament for more than 2 years. Activists are actively advocating for adopting this bill. In general, there’s an understanding that it might be done in the coming years.

Same-sex marriage is not legal. However, there's a bill to introduce civic partnerships. And there is an explicit understanding in society that queer people will benefit from it the most. Unfortunately, it's also been lying in the parliament for 2+ years. Activists work hard to change that. The main detractor is the council of the churches. 

There's some gray legal area around the issues but there's a common understanding that trans people are not allowed to adopt children. They also can't retain custody over their under-18 children if they change their documents.

Society at large

The author presents his painting “A time to plant and a time to uproot” about his experience of transitioning during the full-scale invasion during the Ljubljana Pride events in 2023.

According to recent polls, social attitudes toward LGBT+ people are improving by the year. In 2023 a poll showed that 64% (info in Ukrainian, use Google Translate) of people expressed neutral or positive attitudes towards queer people (compared to 54% in 2022). The number of people who have negative attitudes towards LGBT+ was 33,9%. Contrast this with 60,4% in 2016.

For some trans people, it's hard to find work if their documents do not match their looks. When it comes to hiring practices, the anti-discriminatory laws often don't work because obviously a business can refuse to employ you citing other reasons. However, all of this depends highly on the industry and specific employers. For example, most Ukrainian IT companies are okay with gender-nonconforming and trans people. They, along with NGOs, often have anti-discriminatory company policies. It’s harder to get employed when it comes to customer service jobs. However, I’ve heard positive personal anecdotes there as well. In general, the situation is improving compared to even 5-10 years ago, but there's still room for growth. 

The major public force that opposes queer rights, and one with the most influence, is the Council of churches (which includes most major denominations that exist in Ukraine.)

In general, in mainstream liberal circles, it's no longer acceptable to be openly transphobic or homophobic. For example, a lot of large bloggers, who consider themselves nationalists (which used to be synonymous with anti-queerness) are publicly supporting queer rights as a marker of a civilized society and progress regardless of their personal beliefs. 

Increasingly more mainstream liberal media is trying to give positive coverage to the queer community, from using the right lexicon to shooting special materials dedicated to queer and trans issues. Still, it’s also quite common even for some of the well-meaning media outlets, and especially bloggers to misgender trans people, use clickbait headings, and so on. The vast majority of media were incredibly confused regarding the right pronouns when covering Nemo’s Eurovision victory.

3rd Forum for Transgender and Nonbinary People, Kyiv, 2024. The slogan reads “TRANS*forming the reality.” The author stands to the right. 

Increasingly more queer books are getting published, including those by Ukrainian authors.

There are right-wing organizations that specifically target queer people, harass them online, even attack physically, and threaten queer events. Just yesterday (November 9th, 2024) a bookshop canceled a presentation of two Ukrainian LGBT+ books because they were threatened. However, by year right-wing organizations with explicitly queerphobic agenda are becoming more and more inconsequential in mainstream society. There's an understanding that most of these groups, although claiming to be ethno-nationalists, are actually funded by russians, and they look up to russian "traditional values" as opposed to the "decadent" West even to the detriment of our victory. 

TERFs are also not mainstream and don't have any actual political sway. They’re only loud on X and Facebook but they don't have their own organizations and most mainstream feminist NGOs are explicitly queer- and trans-friendly. 

Ukrainian queer community

There are a lot of LGBT+ and trans NGOs that promote queer rights, advocate for the community, collaborate with the legislators, and help out the community (including materially). 

There are a number of publicly open trans and nonbinary activists.

The hormones are quite costly and there's no way to get them free from the country. However, the NGOs are often offering hormones as humanitarian help for free. Most of the time, I myself get hormones this way.

All in all, since 2010 (and especially 2016) the number of trans organizations grew and their work has become more influential. 

Military

Ukrainian LGBT Military NGO. On their website, they state they have a separate online community for 15+ trans people who are currently serving in the military or are veterans. 

There are no legal protections or mechanisms to regulate the relationships of trans people with the military. That's also a huge zone for growth the activists are working on.

The state also doesn't provide people in the army with hormones. 

There's an NGO for the LGBT military. 

There are open trans people in the army. But most trans men I heard of are in stealth.

LGBT+ people, even the open ones, may face some discrimination in the army from their comrades and officers. However, the mainstream idea communicated by lots of military people is “I might not personally like queers but I don't care who you are as long as you're busting your ass for the victory.”

When going through the TCRSS (Territorial Center of Recruitment and Social Support, local military administration) evaluation, except for the good old regular transmisogyny, transfems may face additional scrutiny and negative attitudes from medical professionals and officials because they may be seen as “draft dodgers.”

A personal note: I'm in the process of changing the documents so I haven't communicated with TCRSS yet. I won't dwell upon it but I have to say for the record that I'm absolutely willing to accept not only rights but also responsibilities that come with an “M” gender marker in documents. So, if I'm considered to be fit for the military, I won't try to avoid it. Moreover, my consciousness dictates that I do have to serve. Still, the process of going through the military medical board scares me a lot – way more than the military service itself.

A bit of history: the transition until 2016

The author’s art.

Until 2016, the transition process was frankly all kinds of fucked-up. 

To get access to legal recognition and healthcare, a person had to go through a doctor's board evaluation. The doctors (including psychiatrists and sexologists) were predominantly educated in the Soviet Union where all kinds of queer people were considered deviants with psychiatric disorders (and often, in the case of gay men, criminalized.) So, the board was incredibly transphobic and homophobic. It used a questionnaire full of questions relying on the worst kinds of gender stereotypes: “Would you rather be a plumber or an artist? If you were a journalist would you write about sports or art?” 

If you didn't look like a very stereotypical version of the gender you're transitioning to, down to the underwear, you were fucked. 

If you let them know you're not straight, you were fucked. 

And there was only one board for the whole country, in Kyiv, so if you haven't "passed" the assessment the first time, it was way harder to get reevaluated. 

Even if you got the psychiatric diagnosis and got access to healthcare, to be able to change your gender marker and documents, you had to get sterilized.

I personally know some people who didn't want to go through this shit so they went on HRT and instead of changing the gender marker just changed their name and surname in their documents (we are allowed to do that for non-trans reasons without any issues.) This way, at least when they are signing documents and so on, they won't see their deadname constantly. They also kinda hoped that people checking their documents would just skip over the gender marker or think it's some kind of mistake. 

Side note: both a sad and funny aspect is that you can change your name and surname just because you want to, but you can't change your patronym or drop it altogether. And it's always, always gendered, so if you went this way, from Olexandra Olexandrivna Ivanova you'd become an Olexandr Olexandrivna Ivanov (-ivna being female suffix, the male version would be -ovich.

Thankfully, thanks to the efforts of activists, the legislation around the transition changed, becoming way, way more relaxed. It's been in place since.

Legal and medical transition in Ukraine

Kyiv, 2024. Author at a protest for adopting bill #5488. The hashtags read “human rights,” “inclusivity,” “equality,” “safety.” Photo source. 

After some confusion in 2016 around the procedures, they’ve become quite established. I started the medical transition in 2023 and legal – in August of 2024, so the info is as up-to-date as it can be.

#1. Getting a psychiatric diagnosis of “transsexualism”

If you go about your transition the proper way, the first thing you need to do is get a psychiatric diagnosis. Ukraine's healthcare system is still working with ICD-10. The country is committed formally to moving to ICD-11 but there’s a common understanding it’s really unlikely to happen until the war ends. 

Under ICD-10, the diagnosis you need to get is F64.0 “transsexualism”. Yeah, yikes. 

You need to go to a state psychiatrist, the diagnoses from the private ones are not valid. 

De jure, you should either keep in touch with a doctor to be observed for 2 years or spend 2 weeks in a hospital. Most of the time, it's understood to be a day hospital, so you visit every day but don't sleep there. But it’s up to the doctors, so there were cases when a person spent the whole time in a psychiatric hospital. Obviously, the person is kept in the ward of the gender they were assigned at birth. You can imagine that for a lot of peopl,e the experience is quite distressing, especially considering that Ukrainian state psychiatric clinics are really not fun places to be in.

Considering this, a lot of people look for workarounds – and find them.

In some hospitals, you can pay a "voluntary contribution" (a bribe basically). The price tag for this in Kyiv’s main psychiatric hospital is around UAH10.000 ($250). 

In some hospitals, fortunately, there are friendly doctors (and/or doctors who themselves belong to the queer community) who can help you out willingly. 

In any case, if you can get arrangements in place, you just visit a couple of times and the hospital puts the necessary dates on the documents without actually keeping you there.

How do you get evaluated for F64.0

In a psych hospital, you get the bloodwork and some other physical examinations done (for example, a cardiogram, a lung x-ray, nothing invasive.) 

You talk to a psychologist who assesses your general mental state. 

And you talk to a psychiatrist and write an auto-biography focusing on your transness specifically.

The evaluation is still often based on strict gender binary and gender stereotypes. It is implicitly understood within the trans community that for example as a trans man you have to present the narrative that you always played with cars and not dolls, preferred the color blue, befriended only the boys etc, etc. Friendly psychiatrists know that this is bullshit but often still ask to narrate your story like this in case some of the higher-ups have any questions. 

Correspondingly, even if psychiatrists are aware of the nonbinary spectrum, nonbinary people still have to present a very binary narrative to get the diagnosis.

Being non-straight does no longer automatically mean you don't get the right diagnosis. However, a lot of people still prefer to hide it if possible. I told my psychiatrist I'm bi with a preference for women (which is true) and had no problems because of that. 

It is implicitly understood that if you're already on HRT (DYI, found a very friendly private endocrinologist, etc), the whole process is likely to go easier for you. That was my experience: I just emphasized that I've already been on HRT for half a year and so much happier for it.

When getting a diagnosis gets more complicated

Because of the war transfem people now come under more scrutiny and the evaluation has become way more strict than before 2022. Some doctors plainly refuse to do it at all. The reason is that the doctors are afraid that people trying to go through an mtf transition just try to avoid the mobilization. 

There are cases, especially in the regions, of doctors refusing to deal with our trans shit. But legally doctors are not allowed to refuse to provide trans healthcare. So if you know your rights you can either press them or file a complaint. In any case, you can just go to the next state hospital and try your luck there.

A lot of psychiatrists refuse to give you F64.0 if you are currently depressed or especially have some more serious psychiatric diagnosis. A lot of them go like "well, go treat your depression and then come back." Obviously, it's absolutely bullshit because a lot of trans people are depressed because of gender dysphoria but it is what it is. Most trans people advise their peers not to disclose their other diagnosis when undergoing this evaluation. 

This part is often the most hard and stressful. If you have your diagnosis, the rest is usually easier. Well, mostly.

#2. Endocrinologist, HRT, and the certificate of transing your gender enough

The author after 2 years on HRT.

Once you have your F64.0, you go to an endocrinologist. For HRT, private ones are okay. They make you do a lot of bloodwork and then prescribe HRT. 

Most of the time, trans people go to the doctors that other trans people recommend. There's an understanding that there's a high chance a random state doctor won't be educated enough in trans healthcare. Because of this, I haven't heard of cases of mistreatment or refusal to work with a trans patient. 

When you're on HRT for some time, you get a medical document from your endo that you've been on hormones for long enough and your secondary sex characteristics are now aligned with your desired gender.

#3. “Sex correction” certificate from a family doctor

With the document from the endo, you go to your family doctor (a GP). They get you a medical document that states you have "corrected your sex". Except for the family doctor, it should have the signature of one other doctor and the head doctor of their hospital. 

Most of the time it's just a formality. Legally, family doctors can't not do it. So, if they are refusing to help you, you can file a complaint and pressure them legally.

In my case, I signed a contract with a family doctor who's explicitly queer-friendly and has already helped quite a lot of trans people. I needed to go to her hospital (in Lviv) to be physically present, but everything went quickly. There were no additional examinations or assessments, no questions asked, we just needed to sit in a queue for a bit and the head doctor signed my documents.

#4. Birth certificate change

To change your gender marker, you first go to a civil registration office, and with the documents from the psychiatrist and the family doctor, you file a request to make changes to your birth certificate. 

There are cases when the officials try to refuse to do so, quite often out of ignorance. The officials are not legally allowed to refuse to file a gender marker change request if your documents are in order. So, once again, you can file a complaint and pressure them into registering your request.

There are also cases, however, when the document from the family doctor is not done 100% right according to the regulations (most of the time because the doctor didn't know how to do it right, not out of maliciousness), and the officials refuse you because of it. In this case, they are legally right, so most of the time you have to ask the doctor to reissue the certificate.

Because of the war, you can go to any registration office in Ukraine, and they request the info from the registration office where your birth certificate was issued. The downside is, they legally have 3 months to do so.

Side note: I'm at this point now. The registration office made a request to the hospital that issued me the "sex correction" certificate to confirm it, and they haven't gotten a response yet although it's been more than 2 months. This request is not necessary but also not illegal. If my birth certificate is not ready in 3 weeks, I'm likely going to contact the paralegals from a queer NGO and file a complaint.

#5. Changing the national ID and other documents 

The sign reads “to the European country – progressive laws.” Photo source. 

With your new birth certificate, you go to a center for providing administrative services (just as well, during the war any is okay, not just in the neighborhood you're registered in) to change your national ID. I was shocked to learn that in some countries, including the UK, national IDs are not mandatory. In Ukraine, they are, and they are a primary document you use for identification. Basically, no one ever sees your birth certificate. It takes about 2 weeks. Then you can change the rest of the documents: passport, driver's license, tax documents, educational documents (if you want to), and so on. 

#6. Registering with the military office

Regardless of the "direction" of your transition, after changing your ID, you're supposed to go to the Territorial Center of Recruitment and Social Support (TCRSS) – the local military registration organ. That’s where things get tricky once again.

For context: all people with a “Male” gender marker are registered with a TCRSS when they are teenagers. People with “Female” markers are not. They are only registered if they become bound for military service for other reasons (for example, doctors.) 

Under the military time law, all people who have an "M" marker have to be assigned to a TCRSS, and have their personal information updated in person or in a special app ("Reserve+"), and go through a medical board’s assessment in a TCRSS. The whole process is quite complicated even for cis men as on the one hand it is highly bureaucratized. There are literally cases when a trans man who had his uterus removed had to go through and have the certificate to confirm it still has to go through an assessment by a state gynecologist to prove he hasn't somehow grown his uterus back in the meantime. And on the other hand, there’s a lot of gray legal areas where decisions depend on the individual official’s assessment. 

The main decision dependent on the human factor is: whether a person is considered fit for military service (then they get mobilized effectively immediately), "unfit for military service," or "fit in a limited capacity.” Before the full-scale invasion, “limitedly fit” was equal to "unfit." Now it usually means you either have a temporary delay of mobilization and you have to show up every 6 months to prolong it, or you're mobilized and get assigned to a second-line position pushing the documents instead of being on the front lines.

Most psychiatric diagnosis, including F64.0, is a reason to consider a person either "unfit for military service" or "fit in a limited capacity." So, what does it mean for trans people?

Transfems who changed their gender marker to an "F" have to show up to a TCRSS and get themselves excluded from the military register because now they’re not bound for military service. 

Transmasc people with an “M” marker, as it follows logically, have to show up to get registered. They go through a military medical board like cis men. 

Most of the time, transmascs are considered permanently "unfit for military service." However, this decision is up to the TCRSS’s head officer.

Communication with the TCRSS is honestly a huge issue trans activists are working on. People transitioning in both directions often face a lot of misunderstanding and outright hostility from the military medical board and officers.

Most trans women want to get excluded from military service and face discriminatory attitudes basically because the state doesn't want to exclude them, and a lot of officials think they are just transitioning to avoid military service. So they can face a lot of hate and contempt. 

A lot of trans men on the other hand may be willing to serve in the military but can't do so because of the psychiatric diagnosis. There’s a conundrum because often trans men willing to serve don’t get to, and those unwilling to serve get told “well, you’re a man now so fuck off to the front lines because you’re disposable.”

As I’ve already mentioned, it all comes down to the human factor, and unfortunately in a lot of cases, people working in TCRSS are uneducated and bigoted. And because there are no specific legislations regulating the relationships between trans people and the military, the officials get to exercise their bigotry.

Crossing the border

Besides not getting mobilized while walking down the street, getting your documents right with the TCRSS is important because it defines whether or not you can leave the country.

Transfem people with an "F" gender marker who get the documents done and are excluded from military service can travel outside Ukraine. There are unfortunately quite a lot of cases of trans women having trouble crossing the border if their documents are not crystal right. Recently there was a case of a trans woman who wasn't allowed to cross the border: despite having an "F" in her passport, she skipped the TCRSS step, so officially she still was bound for military service. Unfortunately, the border guards were legally right. 

Quite often the border guards are putting under a lot of scrutiny even those trans people who are legally allowed to cross the border (transfems and transmasc with an “F” marker.) That's also an issue activists work hard on. 

#7. Gender-affirming surgeries in Ukraine

The author’s art. On Instagram 

People are allowed to get gender-affirming surgeries and are not required to get any to change their gender marker.

The context you need to have about Ukrainian medicine: we have free state medicine; insurances exist (but they are not really widespread. Some companies, especially in IT, pay for them, but according to 2019 data only about 9% of the people have them); and there are also lots and lots of private clinics. Those are often quite costly. But they are also well-staffed and well-equipped, and in most cases, you can get an appointment with a doctor for the next day or within a week.

So, gender-affirming surgeries are available, but almost exceptionally at private clinics. This means people have to save up quite a lot and often travel to Kyiv or other large cities to get them. But there are no waitlists and patients can get good healthcare without facing any discrimination.

There are however cases of trans people getting free healthcare at a state clinic. Mostly that happens when the doctors are willing to help them out. In the documentation, they state a diagnosis that qualifies for free healthcare (any trans-related diagnoses are not.) For example, one trans man I know got free top surgery at an institute for cancer research, presumably because in the documents the doctors claimed he was at a high risk of breast cancer. Another trans man got a free hysterectomy at a state hospital. Although he was put in a women's wing he claimed he got treated well.

I got a mastectomy at a private clinic just over a month ago. For that, I had to provide the F64.0 diagnosis and the "sex correction" certificate from my family doctor. Another doctor I consulted with only does the surgery if you've already changed your ID.

The price both doctors asked was UAH75.000 (about USD 1850). (For reference: the median salary in Kyiv is UAH 25.000 (USD625) a month.) My surgeon claimed that in part the price is so high because she has to rent a surgical room only in private hospitals as the state ones don't want to deal with this kind of surgery.

From the initial consultation till the surgery, it took about 2 months and it was mostly because I was gathering the funds.

At a recent trans event for activists, I got the information that there's a group of doctors in Kharkiv that do bottom surgeries for both trans men and women and they are quite good at it. I haven't looked into it more properly yet but still – good for us.

TL;DR

Trans people do face discrimination. There are no opportunities for legal and medical transition for minors. And there are some legal gray areas, especially concerning military service, when the lack of explicit anti-discriminatory laws and proper regulations leads to bigotry from officials.

But the legislation around trans rights is improving, not getting worse, and there are procedures for legal and medical transition. 

Social attitudes are also improving steadily – the acceptance of queer people in society grew almost twice since 2016, and more than half of Ukrainian society is neutral or positive towards the LGBT+ community.

[mavyunivrse]

| Pile 1

You guys just seem lively, really wanting yourself and others around you to live life to the fullest. So when shifting came in it could have felt so emotionally fulfilling to have this new start, a new way of transforming through life, and other places to live through. You might have your own motto that’s similar to “Live life to the fullest.”

Your journey so far seems to have struck you with new feelings and creativity. There maybe was even a time where you were lonely and aloof while enduring emotional trauma and/or pain, but you kept up appearances. Discovering shifting might have made you feel there was a new set of options to explore. This collective is very playful, vibrant and enthusiastic. You might get told you have an animated face often.

Knowing that there’s so many opportunities in so many realities may have brought you into an introspective period. Searching within yourself and not telling a soul about it. You have so many questions that you feel could be found anywhere, and you realise some of those lie in yourself. How long did you stay in that for? Or maybe just the planning period? You could get caught up in things quite easily without realising. For a lot of you, you were guided solely by the promising task of reaching your destination. Your desired reality, your home, where you feel your true or desired self is. And while a very understandable goal, don’t let that search take away from anything in this reality. Some people may feel abandoned or put to the side. Reflect on your true self; if they were in their reality, would they be so infatued with one singilar thing or appreciating what they had around them?

Beforehand you might have gone through something that left you with high emotions, maybe you were put to the side for a while. Was this your rock bottom? Whether you’re out of it or not, I see this as a very positive event that made or will make you grow. When tragedy occurs, release is inevitable, only avoided. If you haven’t already, initiate this new cycle for yourself.

This collective is so curious as I said earlier. You’re vigilant and alert at all times. Some of you love to learn so much that you don’t even mind if you have to go through horros of experiences to see the outcome and lesson. You likely thrive on nerves. Some of you could feel more comfortable learning lessons in another reality, I feel. You always got an idea you want to play out and execute yourself, and you’re always engaged in communication. A lot of you could have active shifting accounts or plan on having one in the future—please go through with it, share these ideas and progress with others! You excel in this kind of work. Also chew something minty, ideas could come about.

If there’s anything that’s holding you back from fully discovering yourself or sharing your ideas, is a fear of control. You love seeing things play out, spiral, and maybe a little bit of drama. But what your interpretation of independence is is too overwhelming, you’d much rather just go with the flow to see where things end up. You might not like to fully delve into your mind to self assess and you could second guess yourself a lot when you’re alone. For this collective I recommend releasing rituals or subliminals, change your thought patterns. I don’t think you’re scared of confrontation, but worry what you could learn about yourself. You’re used to being known as the bubbly and bouyant one. Give yourself the safe space and time of day to list what you should let go of to reach your goals. You could be making things look more dramatic in your head. Your journey isn’t going to look like others.

11:11 as I’m writing this.

Hidden knowledge card: whether you have been or appear to be, you seem self absorbed—maybe disconnected from home. You might be a little envious of others experiences, shifting wise or not. In the worse case you might not be taking care of yourself, this calls for grounding and to re-center. Connecting to the earth could help. Some of your values could be misplaced, materialistically or otherwise and this is setting back your future. A sign of this is being easily distracted and not giving a thought to long term goals. Be accountable.

Oracle words: dream, increase, freedom, imagination, anchor, Cancer (zodiac), Taurus, waning crescent moon phase

Channeled songs:

Heat Of The Moment | Asia

When She Loved Me | Sarah McLachlan

Fascination Street | The Cure

No Return | PJ Harvey

The Sweet Escape | Gwen Stefani, Akon

Cherry Waves | Deftones

Pocketfull of Sunshine | Natasha Bedingfield

Thanks for reading! <3

My Masterlist.

– ℳ

[weirdkpopgirl]

Waiting | Dream Reaction #13

Reaction: when their gf wants to save sex for marriage

Genre: Um mostly fluff

Warnings: slightly suggestive, making out in Jeno's, and mentions of sex (but nothing graphic at all)

Word Count: ~2.9k

Author's Note: I feel like it's been so long since I wrote a Dream reaction. The following scenario was a request sent by someone. To be honest, I was a bit hesitant about doing it because I know this concept isn't that popular today. However, it is a personal value I hold and I'm not trying to impose it on those who have different opinions. But it is something I've always secretly wanted to write about. So here you go, I hope you like it ^ ^

~ ~ ~

mark

After being under the weather for weeks now, Mark thought it was time to get you checked up. That was how you found yourself sitting in a pristine white room on a Monday morning. You scanned the room anxiously, nervously drumming your fingers against the chair’s armrest. However, the nerves you were feeling calmed down a little when Mark placed his hand on top of yours.

Finally the door creaked open, and the doctor exchanged polite greetings with the two of you. Taking a seat at her computer, the doctor ran through the customary procedure of inquiring about your symptoms and any recent changes in lifestyle.

“Have you two been sexually active recently?” the doctor asked, causing a slight shift in the atmosphere. 

Heat instantly rose to your cheeks as you turned to your boyfriend with a surprised glance. 

“Oh—no, we haven’t even…” Your voice trailed off, almost as if you were too flustered to finish your sentence.

The doctor nodded understandingly and moved on to the next question. Once the check-up was finished, she just advised you to get some more rest and take some time off work to recover.

Back in the car, you and Mark burst into awkward laughter, finding humor in the unexpected nature of that encounter.

“I was so embarrassed,” you cried, covering your face, “I thought I was going to die back there.”

Mark laughed along, “Yeah me too. I don’t know why I was so surprised when she asked us that.”

A brief silence hung in the air as Mark steadied his hand on the wheel, and you gazed out of the car window. Although you believed you handled the situation reasonably, some more serious thoughts lingered in your mind. Even though it’s only been a few months since you two started dating, the doctor’s question made you realize that you hadn’t discussed the subject before.

“Speaking of though,” you said, broaching the topic cautiously. “I actually want to save sex for marriage.”

You were already bracing yourself for a negative reaction when Mark didn’t respond right away. But then he shrugged nonchalantly and said, “Okay.”

“Really?” You stared at him wide-eyed. “You’re okay with it?”

Mark nodded thoughtfully, “I mean, I can’t say it’s going to be easy. But if waiting is important to you, then it’s important to me too.”

A wave of relief washed over you, comforted now that this conversation went a lot smoother than you had anticipated. 

“Thank you, I really appreciate that,” you said, a smile lighting up your face.

Mark reached over to squeeze your hand. “No problem, babe.”

In his mind, it really wasn’t a big deal. He definitely planned on marrying you someday, so he saw it as something to look forward to in your future together.

‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿

renjun 

He was the only one to actually bring up the subject first. Although it wasn’t something he had greatly dwelled on beforehand. After being together for a few months, your relationship had proven to be relatively stable. However when it came to physical intimacy, the two of you never progressed beyond making out. While Renjun wasn’t particularly bothered by it, a sense of curiosity lingered in his thoughts.

One evening as you both walked back to your place after a date, he decided to bring it up. “(Y/n), can I ask you something?” he asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

Curious as to what this was about, you nodded. “Sure. What is it?”

“I just…I was wondering when we’re going to have sex?” He scratched his head, as the words awkwardly tumbled from his lips. You observed his cheeks turn a light shade of pink, and you could also feel your own face warming up coincidentally.

You knew this conversation was inevitable, and you’ve spent a decent amount of time preparing what you would say if it came up. Despite the mental preparation, you were a little wary of what Renjun’s response might be.

“I’m glad you brought that up,” you said, attempting to mask the nervousness in your tone. “The thing is, I want to wait until marriage for sex. I hope that’s okay with you.”

To your surprise, his response came quickly as he nodded in understanding. “That’s no problem for me. I'm happy to wait for you,” he assured.

“I know people might think we’re crazy,” you continued with a sense of unease in your voice.

Before you could finish your thought, Renjun stopped walking to cup your face with his hands. “I don’t care what people think. Our connection and the boundaries we set are more important than anyone else’s opinions,” he said assertively. “I respect your decision, and I’m here with you no matter what.”

As his words sank in, a grateful smile formed on your lips. Sighing, you leaned in to place a sweet peck on his lips. 

“What did I ever do to deserve you?”

Renjun chuckled and affectionately patted your head. “Cutie.”

His hands intertwined once more, and the two of you resumed walking back to your apartment. The both of you felt a lot better now that the topic had been addressed.

‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿

jeno

The evening started out normal, really. You were having a movie date in his apartment, which was a regular occurrence for homebodies like yourselves. Yet, an almost suffocating tension lingered in the air, subtly bringing the two of you closer.

Before you could blink, blankets were tossed aside and you found yourself lying on your back as Jeno’s lips devoured yours in a series of passionate kisses. His hands found their way to your waist, and yours wrapped around his neck, drawing him nearer. The room was filled with a soft hum of your chemistry, creating a moment that seemed to make time freeze.

Your conscience started to come back as you felt Jeno’s hands begin to roam your body. Although a part of you didn’t want to stop, you placed a hand on your boyfriend’s chest and gently pulled away. Jeno glanced at you with a puzzled expression. 

Sighing, you sat up. “I’m sorry…it’s just…there’s something I think we should talk about.”

You hated seeing Jeno’s face flicker with confusion. But he nodded for you to continue.

“If…if it’s okay with you, I want to wait until we’re married to have sex,” you admitted, your gaze unwavering. 

Jeno’s eyebrows furrowed in surprise, and it took a bit to process your words before responding. “Oh, okay,” he said in an understanding tone.

You looked at him, searching for any sign of disappointment or frustration. “You’re not upset about it?”

Jeno shook his head, as if it were obvious. “There’s no rush, baby. And I would never want to pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.”

“Thank you for understanding,” you expressed, eyes softening with gratitude. You had expected a different reaction from him, fearing that he might feel restricted. But his kind words put you at ease.

Jeno returned your smile, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “But we can still make out, right?” 

The mischievous sparkle in his eyes made you laugh. “Of course we can,” you chuckled, pulling him down with you.

That was all Jeno needed to hear before his lips were on yours again. The chemistry from before was quickly reignited, and the two of you savored the intimacy of the moment.

‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿

haechan

The two of you were just cuddling in his bedroom, after he had convinced you to take a break from studying. Nestled comfortably in his arms, he traced lazy circles on your back, creating a soothing rhythm to accompany the moment. You snuggled against him happily, enjoying this peaceful moment with your boyfriend.

“(Y/n),” he spoke suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence.

You glanced up in response. “Hm?”

He stared at you momentarily, tenderly brushing a lock of hair behind your ear. You were curious as to what he had to say, you found it hard to read his expression.

“Have you ever thought about…you know, when you want to have sex?” he asked, deciding it was best to just be straightforward. 

Your cheeks flushed slightly, caught off guard by his question. “Um…well I think I want to wait until marriage,” you admitted.

Biting your lip, you searched Haechan’s expression. The corner of his lips curled into a teasing smile. “In that case, will you, (L/n) (Y/n), marry me?” he asked dramatically.

“Lee Haechan, don’t joke about that,” you scolded, smacking him on the shoulder. The boy laughed, and pulled you closer to him. 

“Okay, okay I’m sorry,” he apologized, giving you a quick kiss on your forehead. “We’ll take things at your pace, baby. You don’t need to worry.”

You murmured a thank you, relaxing into his arms once more. As playful as Haechan was, you were grateful for his understanding. There really wasn’t much to worry about when you were with him.

‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿

jaemin

The gentle glow of the candles sitting on the coffee table created a warm and inviting atmosphere in Jaemin’s living room. You sat snugly on the couch with his cats, waiting for your boyfriend to come back from the kitchen. Although you appeared calm on the outside, as you ran your fingers through Luna’s soft white fur, your mind buzzed with anxious thoughts. You wanted to have a serious conversation with him tonight, but you were a bit apprehensive about it.

Your heart began to race as Jaemin reentered the room, carrying two steaming mugs of hot chocolate. It only took a single glance for him to detect your unease. Placing the cups on the coffee table, he took your hand in his and offered a comforting smile.

“Is there something on your mind, love?” he asked with such tenderness that it almost made you feel guilty.

Exhaling briefly, you tried to return his smile. “Yeah, there’s actually something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

Jaemin’s eyes filled with a mix of curiosity and concern. “I’m listening,” he replied, reaching over to gently scratch under Luna’s chin.

You took another deep breath, gathering your thoughts. “It’s just that we’ve been together for quite some time now, and I know you’ve probably thought about this. But I want to share with you that I’d like for us to save sex for marriage.”

There was a brief moment of silence as Jaemin absorbed your words. Afraid of a negative reaction, you started to back yourself up.

“It’s just that I’ve never done it before, and waiting until I’m married has always been important to me,” you continued, going on a slight tangent. “It has nothing to do with you or an attempt to restrict you.”

The warm smile Jaemin gave you felt like a game changer. He lightly squeezed your hand, his eyes reflecting nothing but understanding. “You don’t have to worry, Princess. I understand completely, and I agree it’s best to wait too.”

Instantly relief began to wash over you. “Really?”

“Absolutely,” he nodded, his smile unwavering. “I want our first time to be something we both cherish. And when we’re both ready to take that step, I promise it will be a special moment for both of us.”

His eyes gleamed with a sincerity that made you want to burst into tears. Suddenly, you questioned why you were so nervous in the first place. Every action of Jaemin’s was out of love and kindness from the depths of his heart.

“You’re so sweet,” you murmured, cupping his face with your hands. “I wish all men could be as understanding and caring as you.”

Jaemin’s gaze softened more, and he leaned in to leave a lingering kiss on your lips. “You give me too much credit, princess. As your boyfriend, it’s my job to ensure you always feel respected and loved.”

“Stop it, you’re going to make me cry,” you exclaimed, using your hand to fan your eyes.

He chuckled in response and pulled you closer to cuddle. As you remained in his embrace with his cats nestled around you, you realized how lucky you were to have Jaemin by your side. 

‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿

chenle

You had been avoiding the subject for as long as possible, mostly because it was a little awkward for you. This was your first serious relationship, and you were sure Chenle’s thought about it before. But he was waiting for you to say something first.

Then came an evening where the two of you were watching a movie at his place. You didn’t exactly plan on talking to him about it that day. It kind of just slipped out.

Neither of you had a specific preference for what to watch, so Chenle randomly selected something on Netflix. However, halfway into the film, a provocative scene began to unfold. A knot tightened in your stomach, and within five seconds, you averted your gaze. Chenle chuckled nervously beside you, wisely opting to change the movie.

Even though something new was being played on the screen, you found yourself making occasional sideway glances toward Chenle. The realization struck that you had been putting off this topic for so long, and the nagging feeling inside you knew it would keep bothering you if you didn’t address it now.

Before your nerves could get the better of you, a heavy exhale escaped you. “Chenle, there’s something I want to talk about.”

His eyebrows raised slightly in concern, sensing the apprehensiveness in your voice. “What’s up?” he asked.

The movie’s ambiance served as a backdrop to your hesitancy. But determined not to chicken out, you closed your eyes and blurted out, “I want to wait until marriage for sex!”

You opened your eyes to see Chenle’s face swiftly transition from a surprised expression to a more composed one. For some reason he thought you were going to break up with him or something. So when he processed your words, in his head he was like “oh, that was it?”

“Okay, that’s cool,” he said, figuring that was all and leaned back on the couch.

His nonchalant response left you looking at him in disbelief. “You’re not upset at all?”

“No, why would I be?” he chuckled, playfully nudging you. “Sex isn’t everything. If waiting until marriage is important to you, then I’m on board with that.”

The way his eyes reflected genuine sincerity, gave you more reassurance. “Gosh, you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that,” you exhaled.

He grinned, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. He couldn’t resist teasing you a little.

“Well what can I say? You’re dating a great man.”

You rolled your eyes, earning a laugh from him as he pulled you closer. Secretly, you had to agree that Zhong Chenle was indeed a great man.

‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿

jisung

It really wasn’t a big deal to him. But he did think about it from time to time. The both of you were somewhat new to being in a relationship. However, after being together for a few months, Jisung thought the two of you should’ve had sex by now. 

He was almost afraid to ask, because the two of you had never directly discussed sex before. But the desire to know your thoughts was becoming overwhelming, and Jisung knew that he’d explode if he didn’t bring up the subject.

As you lounged together in your living room, Jisung absentmindedly fiddled with the drawstrings of his hoodie. Occasionally he stole glances at you, who was scrolling through social media posts on your phone. He almost choked when you said something.

“Is there something on your mind, Jisungie?” you asked, without even looking up from your phone. It was as if you could sense he had something to say, solely by his body language. You had to hold back from smiling in amusement as his eyes widened in surprise.

The boy beside you laughed nervously as he sat up a bit straighter. “I—um want to talk about us. You know in terms of…”

“Sex?” you finished his sentence, throwing him off even more. 

Jisung looked at you with a perplexed expression. “Are you a magician? How did you know that was what I wanted to talk about?”

“I don’t know, lucky guess?” you chuckled, casting your phone aside. “It’s also something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about too.”

“Really?!”

You nodded, flattening your hands across the blanket on your lap. “I know we’ve never discussed it before, but I think it’s best to be transparent with you. Is that okay?”

 “Of course,” Jisung answered right away. “I want you to be honest with me, Jagi.”

Lowering your gaze, you took a deep breath before confessing, “Well, um—I want to wait until marriage for, you know, sex.”

It took a moment for you to gather the courage to look at Jisung again. When you did, you were met with an almost relieved expression.

“You know what? I think that’s a great idea,” Jisung said, assuringly. “We can just take our time, with no rush.”

You smiled in response, “I’m glad we’re on the same page then.”

Jisung’s shoulders visibly relaxed and he sank back into the couch. “Ugh, I feel so much better now that we’ve talked about it,” he said, covering his eyes.

Shaking your head with a laugh, you observed the boy in amusement.

“You’re such a dork,” you murmured, snuggling against his hoodie. Jisung smiled and snaked his arm around to hug you.

Jisung was genuinely relieved that you were both honest about your feelings of intimacy. In fact, he felt like having this conversation brought you even closer. Although you were both young, he felt secure knowing your relationship was built on a sense of connection and trust.

‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿︵‿୨✧୧‿︵‿

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

in which i am very grumpy - a Sims 2025 wishlist

Since I can't sleep, here are my “pie in the sky” wishes for the Sims in 2025. Some of these are not realistic at all, but oh well.

A Clothes Making Stuff Pack. I don’t know how they’d implement it without leaning on gameplay functions that other packs have (Nifty Knitting for Plopsy and High School Years) but this could potentially slap. Why not a cute fun retro vibe for build and buy? Actually why not get @surely-sims and @ice-creamforbreakfast to design those items entirely? (I'm only slightly joking - they would kill it.)

There could also be a function to choose swatches and patterns for the clothes your sims create to give it some kind of vanilla cc option - I could see a lot of players going in for that kind of thing.

more of the same below

Game Packs to Return. I know this is very unlikely since these days they'd rather bloat game packs and sell them as expansion packs. But when game packs worked, they really really worked, and they were such a good option. Unless they finally give us fairies though, I just don't see it happening.

(Also Bands should totally be a game pack. I just don't know what they can add to it enough to justify the price that isn't already in Get Famous, but maybe I'll be surprised.)

Babysitting Added As a Skill. I get why it would be iffy to allow teenagers to acquire the parenting skill. So considering that they can already administer all the childcare that adults do, a skill that either starts them off at Level 3-4ish of Parenting once they age up - or gives them a skill gain boost similarly to “creatively/mentally gifted” would be great. And you know what could also work as a stuff pack? Sims 4 Babysitting.

Of course, here's hoping that they wouldn't My First Pet it and give it some items or functions that you need either Parenthood or Growing Together to access…

Early Pack Refreshes. I'm the weirdo who actually really likes Outdoor Retreat. And I think Get To Work does what it says on the tin well enough. But Outdoor Retreat was the first game pack EA ever did and it shows. The swatches are very limited and there's just not a lot of activities to do once you're at Granite Falls. This would have been a great pack to add a picnic blanket function much earlier on. Horseshoe Throwing could be a game you can win even if it doesn't add skill, much like Don't Wake The Llama.

Also the Hermit could eventually mentor Sims in Herbalism once you have a high enough relationship with them, and perhaps this could be the only way to unlock some more advanced brews. And their hidden area could be its own eco system and have year round plants and bugs, similarly to the magic realm.

In terms of Get To Work, as the game has progressed, some of the hairstyles have aged very poorly, and could do with being fine tuned. It’s not even the weird thing that Maxis does with giving an otherwise nice hair a very high forehead (a la Life & Death) - they’re just ugly.

Skill Trees For Aliens and Merfolk. Admittedly I haven’t played with the former but I hear it’s very superficial in comparison to vampires, werewolves and spellcasters. And merfolk give you very few of the fun elements of being an occult, while still being somewhat needy (the ‘Hydration’ bar that you have to manage as if it’s Fury or Thirst). It would be one thing if they were simply boring but a ‘passive’ occult form the way spellcasters are, in that you have to actively use their magic in order for their charge level to be at risk - but no. While they’re fun to design in cas, as they are, merfolk are just boring.

As both aliens and merfolk came with expansion packs though rather than a separate game pack (which is admittedly cash-grabby but did allow those occults to feel much more in depth) I doubt it will happen.

A Swimming Update. While the worlds that came out after Island Living have them, earlier worlds such as Windenburg did not. Those should have been adjusted so that you can swim in any world so long as you have that expansion pack. With the exception of Oasis Springs, which of course is in the desert lol.

Building in Vacation Worlds Without Staying in Them. I don’t think I need to expand on this one.

Boarding Schools. If they’d added this function to HSY similarly to the dorm living in Discover University, I think that would have made the gameplay functions of that expansion feel much less superficial. You could have rivalries between one hall and another, ‘cultural’ differences between boarders and day students, and attempting to throw wild parties before the dean/house parent/whatever your term is catches them.

More Nuanced Aged Groups. I don’t think they’d actually split the existing pre-adult years groups into preschooler, preteen etc as particularly since the average player would probably stick to the ‘normal’ life span, having to go into CAS and throw birthday parties so often could become tiresome very quickly. But it would be nice if there was a more noticeable gap between, say, a 13/14 year old and someone who is about to age up in young adulthood. I think the toddler life stage actually does this decently in that a toddler who’s maxed out all the skills is a lot more independent and has a wider range of interactions available to them than one who’s just had a birthday.

Oh gosh I can still think of so many more things. Nerfing the 'check infant/toddler' function. The ability to have a business you own attached to your house. A joint custody divorce function - which would need to be handled delicately since it's a real issue for many - that allows children to split their time between parents' homes. Allowing children to bathe dogs and take them for walks. Allowing children to have some cute age appropriate neighbourhood business, like a lemonade stand or offering to shovel snow, and to maybe start some savings in a little piggy bank?

[willkimurashat]

Hello my lovelies!

So, as you can see, I haven’t been super active on this blog because firstly, litg kinda sorta went to shit completely and I kinda sorta sadly lost interest in the game.. the last season I played from start to finish was s6 (who knows, maybe I’ll go back to finish like, the last couple of volumes I still haven’t played of s9 or maybe I’ll play s8 idk lol). And the second reason is that I simply don’t have time to play:( big girl full time mentally taxing job and all that, ya know. I’m in mental health field (therapist✌️), so even though sometimes I get to unwind doing something creative and fun, most of the time I get so tired after work that I just want to eat dinner, watch tv, and go to sleep:(

Either way! I know that I have a bunch of fics that are still unfinished and I felt so bad that it’s been years and there’s still a lot of work to do to get to that last chapter yet😭 I don’t want to abandon any of my works, but I also don’t want to make any promises/deadlines, etc… I really appreciate all your love and support and PATIENCE, yes, especially your patience lol for sticking with me through the years❤️

I’ve also been branching out to other fandoms to write as well because why not I guess lol🤗 so if you’re into the maze runner, the dragon prince, (or squid game - don’t have anything finished yet, but I’ve been working on something cuz thanos brainrot is progressing lol) - feel free to check them out, I’ll list them below under the cut!

I just wanted to make this post as, I guess, some sort of life update and also because again, I felt bad for those who are still engaging in the fandom and with my fics. And of course I don’t wanna assume, but maybe there’s at least one person that hopes and waits to see a stargazing update or a new b&b chapter, or hell, maybe even that final stretch for the hallmark story that’s waaayyy overdue lol🙈 don’t lose hope darlings! Maybe I’m in delulu land, but I’m not giving up on writing just yet either. Just know that I miss you all and I miss the fun times we had on here and I will cherish all the memories we shared💕

Okay, as promised, here’s the new-ish fics from me that are not litg:

Quietude

The Maze Runner fic | Newt/Thomas | 2.1k words | oneshot

Between the Moon and the Sky

The Dragon Prince fic | in progress | 1.2k words | ch.1/?

[mission-light-if]

Mission Light - Update 08.01.2025

Hey, it’s me again after a long time. Happy New Year, by the way!

A lot has happened—uni started again and I had a writer’s block throughout November and part of December. I’m way behind where I wanted to be, but things finally getting better. I’m almost finished with the prologue now. I had planned to release the second part in October, but here we are. It took longer than I wanted, but oh well.

I plan to be more active here in 2025 and write more, even though it’s going to be a busy year for me.

I always plan too big and end up overwhelmed by my ideas and tasks, which causes me to freeze and do nothing. So, I cleaned up my ideas and to-do list for the story and cut some things. It would have been cool to include them but I’m just one person and the prologue is already way bigger than I expected—160,000 words (including code, with some repeated passages, so it’s not really 160,000, but that’s what Twine says).

I had to compromise. Maybe that’s why the prologue seems a bit messy to me right now, but I’m working on cleaning it up and improving it.

I’ve decided not to promise release dates anymore because I often can’t meet them. Chapters, updates and content will come when they’re ready. However, some of you might have noticed that I updated my Tumblr blog and the itch.io game site.

I’ve realized that I get frustrated or hit writer’s block when I don’t immediately feel a sense of success, probably due to my ADHD. Sometimes, I get so frustrated that I want to abandon the whole project. But each time, I get mad at myself because I want to prove that I can finish something—that I can finish this and stay consistent without changing my interests and projects every week.

To help with that, I’m considering weekly updates on my progress in 2025. It won’t be much—maybe a few hundred/thousand words per week—but it might help me staying motivated. I would still make bigger announcement posts when a chapter is complete, so that those who prefer to read completed/finished chapters can wait for that. But we’ll see how it goes.

I’ve also done more character art and CGs and I’ve updated my art style. I’ll be posting those in the future. I also plan to write some short stories or prompts. I know I haven’t been consistent in answering questions, but please send them if you have any—it really helps me stay motivated when people engage with my work.

That’s it for now. Thanks for reading, and thank you so much.

Take care,

Jakob (yes, I changed my name, haha)

[taurusreads]

what awaits you at the end of this cycle?

masterlist || paid services || ko-fi

a little encouragement to keep pushing through 🫶🏽

how to pick a pile? close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and clear your mind. feel which pile you're drawn to, and find the reading below the cut!

PILE ONE

i’m getting a very vibrant orange color from this pile. some of you may actually like oranges, like the fruit, or could be someone who takes care of their body. some of you could also be preparing for something. i’m seeing planning and getting things in order, virgo energy could be significant here. jupiter energy could also be significant. you could also be the type of person to keep things to yourself. you might be in a bit of solitude right now, keeping the things that are important to you to yourself. you could also be the type of person to plan out your life as well. i think you could have a clear picture of what you want for yourself, and you’re actively working to gain that lifestyle.

i feel like you guys are starting to learn a lot about yourselves at the moment. my first paragraph is always dedicated to messages i receive while shuffling so i know the energy that i’m reading for, and yours was a bit longer than the other two piles, as yours mainly touched up on different aspects of your personality that might have gone unnoticed by you previously. the first house card came out for you, which is all about your personality and the way that other people perceive you. i think that at the end of your cycle people could be talking about how different you look/seem, or you could be noticing those changes in yourself as well. i’m also picking up again on the fact that you take good care of your health, and you might be making that a priority right now. if you feel the urge to take care of yourself and better your mind body and soul, don’t ignore it! i see you’re doing a good job at that and it’ll pay off for you later on.

take time to ground your energy, maybe go on a walk or when you’re in the shower, visualize your fears and worries being rinsed down the drain before you start your day. that will help ease some of the anxieties you have throughout the day. i feel like some of you have been wanting to make new friends or meet people that resonate with you, and i’m hearing that at the end of this cycle you’ll definitely have that! if you haven’t already, you’ll start seeing the changes in your reality soon! i feel like some of you may have given up hope and these things coming for you since you worked through the hard stuff, but don’t worry, they’re on their way! you just have to be patient.

i feel like you all are exactly where you need to be right now. your guides are watching over you, keeping you on the right path, so all you need to do is sit back and follow their lead. don’t think too hard about the next few months, just go with the flow and when your mind tells you to do something, don’t stress over it and just start moving! you’ll see so much more progress the sooner you let go of the idea that you don’t truly deserve these things.

i feel like you’re experiencing a cycle that is coming to a close for you. there was a situation that wasn’t serving your highest good, and so the universe went and did away with it to help with your growth. i feel like this was someone who you used to talk to a lot, they could have understood you better than most people you felt. i do feel like this person wasn’t navigating from a place of love though. where they did love you and wanted the best for you, they were not in a headspace where they could provide that love. i do see that this person could be a bit of a workaholic, and could have placed their needs above yours constantly, so you did what needed to be done for yourself and you walked away.

if this situation resonated with you i just want you to know that i am so so so proud of you for taking care of yourself and doing right by your needs. although, for some others, it’s time to stop waiting for that person to come back. and if you’re worried about whether they will come back or not, that is up to them and whether they decide to work through their shadows or not. this is giving the energy or a healing connection, one of growth and understanding, but unless both parties put in the work, it will be very hard for you two to work in tandem with each other.

give this person the time they need to heal, as well as give yourself the time you need to heal (that’s the most important), and with that your situation with them could improve.

also, i’m seeing that for a lot of you, another thing coming at the end of this cycle is regarding your career, but they would not give me too much information on it. i think there might be something very exciting coming for you, and your guides want you to be excited!

PILE TWO

i’m getting like a foresty green here. kind of the dark green color that comes on leaves, but with the bright and happy energy of light green. very balanced energy here. i’m getting cottage core vibes, so you may be someone who like to dress in that style or has that aesthetic around them, or that theme might be significant right now. i keep singing water by tyla as well. that song could be significant for some of you (specifically the chorus). earth placements could be significant for this pile.

ah my little viridians (that’s what i shall call you because of the color i saw sorry). you guys could be out of the box thinkers, the type to analyze the scene in front of you and come up with a creative solution to the problem. you could have heavy virgo and libra placements, or heavy air placements in general. i’m seeing that some of you guys may participate in social activities like smoking the green if ya know what i mean. neon colors such as pink, purple, and green could be significant.

i’m hearing try not to analyze too much about the things going on around you. you could be doing a lot of research about astrology, tarot, spirituality, etc. and making the connection, but try not to give yourself a headache over thinking things lol. i’m getting the energy of another person here’s that’s wanting to come in, and so i think that this person could be waiting on the other side of this cycle. if any of you have been manifesting a relationship with someone, i see this person coming in at the end of your cycle. i think this person is full of love, they give very soft and kind energy. they could be very nurturing, and provide a lot of advice and guidance to help you on your spiritual journey.

i’m seeing that at the end of your cycle, you’ll be in a very calm state of mind. i think that you tend to have a lot of questions, especially about the world and how it came to be, they may even cause you anxiety a little bit. i’m seeing here that at the end of this cycle you’ll have come to enough of an understanding to the point where you can relax and just enjoy the life that you’ve been given. some of you could be humanitarians, or care deeply about the condition of the earth and how it’s being treated. you’re definitely big on connecting with nature, and you just give very open and loving energy. it’s low key giving hippie and i love it.

i think a sign that this cycle is coming to a close for you is when you want to start becoming active again. i’m hearing that you might be into dancing or will want to be very physically active randomly. some of you could also come from a culture where dancing is a form of expression in faith, such as native american descent.

if some of you have been trying to decide on what to do with your life, i’m hearing that the world is your oyster. you can do whatever you want, and you don’t have to be tied down to one thing. i feel like i’m giving big sister vibes rn lol. some of you may feel like you have to fit a mold that was made for you from your family. there might be a work place or job that your parents expected you to get, or maybe a family business that they want you to take over. if you feel deep in your heart that you don’t want to do that, then you have the right to say no. you don’t have to abide by what they want you to be just because they’re your parents, you’re human too. and i know it’s definitely hard standing your ground and doing what’s best for yourself, but handling the situation with love and grace will be more helpful than you thought.

if you’re the type that tends to get a bit aggressive when you start to feel emotion, make sure to approach any situations with a calm mind, already know what you want to say and how you want to say it. you have to take accountability for when you may step out of line, just as others should do for you. i’m also singing water by tyla AGAIN. i always use the first paragraph as an energy check, so i don’t actually look at any of the cards falling out while i shuffle. i started singing the song then and now i’m singing it again, it doesn’t get stuck in my head otherwise.

don’t ignore the things that’s your heart and soul are telling you. i think you could have finished this cycle a while ago, had you let go of control and the fear of change. don’t let the fear of the unknown stop you from reaching out for the things you want to do, because you’re losing endless possibilities because of it. don’t be afraid to face your shadows, they are a part of you after all. they’re not here to hurt you, they’re here to help heal you. the person coming in at the end of this cycle is definitely a soulmate i’m seeing, they’re giving me a guide of sorts for you. this person is going to help direct you in the right direction, and he’ll you understand any questions you might have as they arise for you. they’re here to help you keep your head on straight as i feel like when you overthink you tend to spiral.

all in all, i’m seeing that there’s not one set thing coming in for you. i feel like something you might have asked for was a betterment in your mental state, or just a betterment in your current situation in general, so they gave you that. you have the capacity to do absolutely whatever you want after this. you want to be an astronaut? go for it. president? absolutely. cafe owner? cute as fuck bro. you’re literally like a freelancer man, you can do any and everything, and that should make you proud.

PILE THREE

this pile is my yellow pile. not quite like the sun, it has a bit more of an white hue to it, but still so pretty. almost like the yellow you get for newborn babies. i’m immediately feeling that you guys are happy with life and open to receiving all blessings coming your way. you could have just come out of a tough cycle, and are ready to have the new and improved version of your life start now. some of you might be drawn to pile 2 as well, if you are, check it out! there might be a few messages for you there. prominent air placements could be significant, as well as venus energy (taurus and libra).

for a lot of you i’m seeing a life partner coming in. this is something that was fated from the moment you were born, you just needed to wait and do the proper work for it to come in on time. i think that at the end of this cycle this is the biggest reward that you are reaping, as this also seems like something you’ve been wanting for a while.

when i was shuffling the cards, i had already gotten the energy that you’d finished your cycle. the energy i was getting was more of openness and acceptance from a place of love and understanding. something started happening with my right eye while i was messing around with your pile, so if you feel like there’s something in your eye when nothings wrong with it, or your eye starts to twitch at random moments, that may be indication that this person is coming very soon. i think right now you’re in a time where you’ve done the reflecting, you’ve done the introspection, and now it’s time for the universe to give back to you. it’s important that you follow your heart and gut feelings right now, as following those urges will lead you right where you need to be. don’t forget to include logic though, balancing your spiritual insight and logic may be something to work through for you right now. i’m seeing heavy self care days for some of you as well. a lot of you may have stepped into your it girl era, and are being diligent in taking care of yourself and your environment. venus energy is so heavy for this group right now.

you may actually be operating from your venus sign right now, pile three. sometimes the time of our lives that we are in can change the energy that we exude, and so you might not come off as your sun/rising sign (you rising sign is actually one of your chart rulers, so that’s most times how people perceive you). this makes sense with the romantic partner on the move for you.

i feel like if some of you have been worried about whether your manifestations are actually going to come in, i’m here to tell you that they are. the universe is never going to give you the short end of the stick, at least not without it preparing you for something better. when they told you that you were done with the hard parts, they meant it. carry yourself with grace and act like you’re the baddie that you are because you put in WORK for this bro. you did that shit and it wasn’t easy, so don’t brush it off like it was that easy!! i’m seeing that you could be in your empress energy right now, actually. you’re very stable mentally, emotionally, and physically, which is why your person is preparing to come into your life now. spirit is telling you to be optimistic right now, get excited, because the things that you asked for are here! they’re not even coming. they’re not on their way, they’re HERE!!!

i started singing black and yellow by wiz khalifah when i started shuffling the tarot cards so that song could be significant for some of you lol. some of you could be in the longing stage, where you want your person and you can feel them coming in, but the urge to have them is making you impatient. i’m hearing to distract yourself during these times. maybe go out with friends, hang out with family, or participate in a hobby that you enjoy as a way to take your mind off of it until your manifestations get here. you’re guides are telling me that they know it’s hard, but you’ve only got a little more to go.

you could also be seeing repeating 5’s, which signify change and adjustments. i’m feeling like you’re starting to see the things around you and within you change. you might have had a change in the things that you deem important, and those changes are bringing you new opportunities, especially in your work place. i’m seeing blessing coming through as a byproduct of your introspection, as well as an increase in opportunities surrounding your work life. if you guys have been working towards a specific goal or a specific career, i’m hearing that significant changes are coming in regarding that, and you should be on the look out for contact from a higher up sometime soon! i’m seeing that all of these changes are going to catapult you into your dream reality! all the things you’ve been imagining and wishing for yourself are finally here, so stop worrying and let them come in as they should <3

[love-at-first-sight-23]

Obx Headcanons Part 3|Iceskating

For the chance that you and one of your friends in the Outer Banks gets the chance to visit an ice rink, likely somewhere elsewhere, (as we all know the weather is warmer in the Carolinas), here’s how I think they’d react to having to ice skate for the first time or not.

Warnings: None, romantic relationship or not

A/n: I apologize I haven’t been posting as much recently, I’ve just gone back to school and am more busy than usual! Don’t worry though, I’ll still be as active as I can ;)

—Header from saradika-graphics—

JJ:

There’s not a good chance JJ knows how to ice skate at all. He’ll be slipping and sliding all over the ice, making it quite a (hilarious) sight to see.

You might see him run into a wall once or twice…

If you know how to skate, he’d love for you to teach him how. He’ll be clumsy at first but will catch on eventually, after a lot of practice.

He’d enjoy sharing a hot cocoa with you afterwards seeing as you’re both tired out from so much work.

Rafe:

It’s a little hard to see this man actually ice skating, skates, winter clothing, and all, but that might just be me…

He might find it a stupid activity to be doing. Heck, he’d probably embarrass himself anyway…

After much convincing, you finally get him out on the rink and teaching him the basic fundamentals. In the end, you’re both skating around freely, hand in hand.

If he somehow already knows how to skate, he’s a little more graceful than you would expect. You won’t catch him doing any fancy tricks, however.

Kiara: 

I can definitely see Kiara knowing how to skate! She’d find it quite fun.

On the other hand, teaching her would be easy. She’d learn fast and want to go more than once.

If you don’t know how but she does, she will patiently teach you. If you’re lucky, you might learn a twirl or two later on!

This girl would look so good wrapped up in a scarf with a beanie on top of her head.

Pope:

I doubt Pope knows how to ice skate. In any case, he’d be pretty nervous.

“Nope, nope, and nope” is his answer when you ask him to go with you. After dragging him out and practically pushing him onto the ice, there will be at least one instance of him falling.

Once he finds the confidence to learn how, he won’t be so bad at it. He probably will take it slowly and as chill as possible. 

Warming up indoors and sitting in front of the fire will be what he will be planning on doing afterwards.

John B:

He might have close to the same reaction to Pope if he has no experience. The only other way he’d know is if his dad took him out and taught him a while back.

If you decide to teach him, be sure you have enough patience and persistence first. It will take more than a few lessons to get this man moving upright.

It’ll be fun ice skating with JB, whether he’s colliding into trees or not. You’ll make plenty of good memories together.

His hat will have a pom-pom on top of it… prove me wrong.

Sarah:

Oh, this will be such a great time! Her family may have gone on a vacation and tried out skating at some point, but if not she’d be eager to learn how.

Like many beginners, she’ll be unsteady on her feet, but as she progresses she’ll be as graceful as anything.

Skating with the whole group would be even more fun! She’d want to go with you again, and again, and again.

Sarah will be catching snow flakes on her tongue while she skates, laughing, and just having a wonderful time.

Cleo:

Even if she doesn’t now how to skate, it will be a breeze. She’d be willing to take up the challenge any day.

She’d be a great teacher if she has the skills! Moving effortlessly across the ice, she would be a sight to see.

Any uncertainty would be gone within a few visits to the rink. It could turn out to be one of her favorite activities!

She’d insist on getting a good lunch afterwards or hanging with cups of hot chocolate on the couch. Caramel cappuccino, anyone?

[ejzah]

Blunt Force, Part 10

***

“Alright, now follow the light. Look to the left and then the right.”

Deeks followed Dr. Lesley’s instructions, relieved when the brightness of the pen light didn’t result in shooting pain. A full week had passed since he’d been released from the hospital and while he saw little improvements every day, it felt excruciatingly slow.

Dr. Lesley stepped back and clicked off the light, reattaching it to her lanyard and wrote on her clipboard. She’d already run through several cognitive screenings, tested his reflexes, attention (Deeks had joked that was never an area he excelled in), processing speed, and short memory, among other things.

“So, did I pass?” he asked, playing it off as yet another joke.

“Your pupil response appears normal and your tracking speed is much better than it was last week. So, yes,” she replied, offering him a smile. “I’m really impressed with your progress in such a short time.”

“I’d say thanks, but, uh, all I’ve done most days is eat, sleep, and listen to audio books when it’s not too overstimulating.”

“Which is exactly what you’re supposed to be doing.” Pulling a rolling stool over with one foot, she sat, and faced him. “You don’t know how many people ignore medical advice and watch TV all day or try to start working out before they’re ready.”

“Well, I probably would be doing those things if they didn’t hurt,” he replied with a self-deprecating smile. He’d never been great at following doctor’s orders.

“I’m glad you’re listening to your body. Speaking of, are you still experiencing frequent nausea, headaches, or dizziness?” she asked.

“The nausea’s a lot better.” At least compared to the first few days. “Most of the time, I only experience nausea when I’m really tired or early in the morning. The headaches are still pretty frequent, but not as bad and the dizziness happens mostly when I move too fast.”

“Good. That just leaves your memory. Obviously, your short term and long term memory pre-2006 are excellent, but have you remembered anything from that six year gap?”

“The other night I had a weird dream about playing laser tag with my partner, Kensi,” he said with a shrug. “Halfway through, the other team suddenly had real guns and Russian accents. So, I guess it could be a memory. Or the produce of the murder mystery I’ve been listening to.”

Dr. Lesley’s eyebrows rose, and brief amusement crossed her face. “That is an interesting dream. There’s always the possibility it’s rooted in some part of reality.”

“Yeah.” He sighed, focusing on a diagram of the spinal column and its accompanying nerves instead in an attempt to control the anxiety that filled him. Brushing at his bangs, he exhaled loudly and admitted. “I haven’t remembered anything. Sometimes I try to convince myself I remember the things Kensi tells me or recognize the pictures in my apartment, but I’m, uh, I’m just lying to myself.”

Reaching out, Dr. Lesley placed her hand over his. The unexpected contact had Deeks blinking back tears; outside of Kensi he’d had very little human contact and even less comfort. Thankfully, she didn’t say a word until he’d mostly gathered himself and wasn’t in danger of openly crying.

“I know it’s disconcerting and frustrating, but you are making progress. Just like with everything else, you need to give yourself time to heal and recover,” she said, and he nodded quickly.

“Right. Thank you.”

“I have faith in you, Marty Deeks.”

“Now that’s not something I hear often,” he joked, clearing his throat a couple times as she lifted her hand and made a few more notes. “So, what are your recommendations for me?”

“I’d like you to hold off on driving for another few weeks at least. We’ll reevaluate after your next appointment in two weeks. Other than that, limit your screen time, keep to light activity, and continue talking with your coworkers and other people you’re close to. It can help stimulate some of those memories.”

“Right.” He didn’t love the continued restrictions, but reminded himself once again that he’d been in the hospital a week ago. “Thank you,” he added belatedly. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

“Of course. And if you have any questions or need anything, feel free to call me.” She scrawled something on a notepad, tore off the slip of paper, and handed it to me. “That’s my cell number. I trust you won’t abuse it.”

“I won’t.”

“Good. Do you have a ride home?”

“Yeah, Kensi’s picking me up,” he said.

“Alright. If you don’t have anymore questions today, I’ll see you in two weeks,” she told him, standing. “Make sure you stop in the office to schedule your follow up appointment.”

[randomprose]

title: cover my eyes, lights out in your high fidelity

tags: post-canon, canon-compliant, blank period, sasuke is so in love and so down bad for sakura he'll give her whatever she wants, banter

rating / word count: T / 5K words

relationships | characters: sasusaku | sasuke, sakura

summary: Sasuke gives Sakura the best birthday she could ask for —written for sakura week 2025 day 7: free prompt - sakura birthday

"Then,” Sasuke ventures, “what would you like for your birthday?” “Honestly? Nothing,” Sakura answers. “I just wanna be left alone.” “How so?” “You know, I would just really like to be able to sit down and finally have the time to get some progress on my research,” Sakura tells him, bringing them back to the topic at hand. “Have I told you about it? It’s about neural stem cell activation for spinal cord regeneration. It’s one of the research projects I started a couple of months after the war to help paralyzed patients to regain motor function after severe injuries, but I haven’t made any headway with it in a while because of how busy I’ve been—well, am. I miss being able to read and write papers.” “That can be arranged.” “Hm?” Sakura hums absently. “What can?” "Your wish to be left alone," Sasuke explains. "It can be arranged." "Sasuke," she sounds wary but sends him a grateful smile anyway. “You don’t have to.” "I will take care of everything."

[wooziorgans]

mental health talk warning

um. hi again. ive been gone for the better part of nearly two months. at least I haven’t posted a fic since the beginning of October.

I wanted to give a little update on how im doing. and when I’ll be back (roughly) for good? maybe?

im definitely a lot more stable now. uh. it’s been an interesting few weeks. I think i was super deep in burn out n it made it a lot harder to focus on writing when i was almost forcing myself to post or be active. while id rather keep the details of how im doing or what was going on im definitely feeling more stable.

ive been spending a lot more time w friends and ive just been taking some time to do nothing outside of work so its been nice. laundry has been piling up tho so ill have to get to that soon lol.

as for my unofficial official return. soon. hopefully. i need to crack out smn for uji day n i have a rough plan for that but nothing solid.

ive been writing just to write and i think it’s been soooo good for me. to go back to that instead of having to worry about posting things. ive made such good progress on the band fic. and im thinking about posting the full warnings list (bcs this thing is so fucking long n im not even half way done part one) soon so people know what to expect. im hoping to post that in the new year.

titmh part three has been on the back burner. it’s taking a much more positive turn in the story line, especially readers internal shit is getting figured out. but i had to put it on hold bcs it was, funnily enough, almost too positive for me to write. the band fic has been a good way to vent out things and im very very excited to post it.

anyways. see y’all soon ig :)