#I knew it would be kinda long but I was thinking like maybe 50k

[vimesbootstheory]

why is this fic so fucking long

have I lost the ability to write anything of a digestible length

[traumxrei-archive]

【 book 6 thoughts ! 】

i said i'd share my thoughts, so here they are so far >:DD

part: one, two, three, four / ??

[ warning: spoilers for book 6 up until 6-16 under the cut !! ]

[ about : overblot lore drop ]

it took yuu long enough to actually TELL CROWLEY that grim was eating those rocks :')))) makes 110% sense that grim would lash out if he's been ingesting 5-overblot's-worth of purified blot

but also, i...can't believe it took twst this long to actually explain what was going on when we were fighting the overblots jsfksdfk like this whole time i've been assuming that people just. get knocked out or tired, but what they explained made so much more sense.

crowley has said that overblotting is rare. but then how come at nrc ?? there's been 5 consecutive overblots in less than a school year ?? (the twst timeline so far is from sept till around feb, bc book 5 was set during a "spring festival" iirc) the reason they don't know enough about overblots is bc they don't have enough subjects who have overblotted to research, so... i do wonder if there's something else at play here, maybe something has changed in NRC since yuu came ?

[ about : ortho lowkey scares me ]

ortho honey....wdym do we need bring back the target alive.....ofc we need grim alive sobs (the juxtaposition between his youthful n polite way of talking + the way he literally knows everything bc his brain is the internet kinda scares me a lot.)

[ about : vil's apology ]

i made a separate post to talk about this bc i started writing n it really got too long, so yes. but also. vil whipping out 50k madol like it's nothing. his acting career has really done him well.

and kalim donating it to ramshackle, my beloved. he's so nice. even while he's saying "it was sO RUN DOWN !!" as kalim was listing out the bad stuff abt ramshackle, i wonder how yuu was able to LIVE in this dump for 6 months.

[ about : ROBOTS ???? ]

HELLO ?? INTRUDERS ????? ROBOTS ?? WHAT ????? they're ignihyde blue....also the boat ? logo ? on their arms ??? what the heck does that mean ??? ok wait i can vaguely read out letters on their arm,,,styx ?? like the river styx in the greek underworld ? having a headache, are we gonna see the underworld somehow in this book ? wait, if the facility or whatever is called styx, are these robots the "charons" ? they're carrying oar-like staffs + they're trying to capture targets D and E and bring them in,,,,kinda like how charon brought souls in a boat to cross the styx river in myth. (also i was right, leona called them ferrymen >:DD)

(n they have grim. interesting that they'd ignore yuu tho, considering it was them who is the string that connects all the overblots.)

(also don't you just hate it when you win the battle, but then in canon the chars actually lost the battle. so you're just sitting there like -_-)

[ about: ob gang's capture ]

it was. very in character how each of them got captured.

vil and jamil were protecting other people (aka the freshmen, and in jamil's case, kalim) vil is really big on his responsibilities, so even though he authorized the use of magic, he still told the freshmen to stand back bc he knew they were unskilled in combat magic n that they'd get hurt bc they don't know hot to properly defend. meanwhile, jamil was probably covering any of kalim's blindspots + making sure he doesn't get hurt while looking for places where he could attack.

riddle went out with a bang, they hit him with a paralyzing beam, and he still had enough magic power to set everything on fire before they could hit him again. he also authorized everyone to fight, bc he probably believed that a group effort could take them down. as always, his sheer firepower is very impressive, the amount of magic he has and his attacking prowess is...wow.

leona....protected ruggie from harm first, saving him from glass and telling him to back off. and then he immediately scanned them to identify who they are. and of course, leona of all people, would know who they are. i think people forget, but a large reason why leona's so smart and why he skips class is bc he quite literally learned all that material when he was younger. the fact that he was the only one to recognize anti-magic plates meaning that resistance was futile and the logo from his time at the palace. (and that moment between ruggie and leona,,,,leona knows that he can trust ruggie w/ the wellbeing of savanaclaw until he returns T^T)

meanwhile azul was with idia, even though he didn't know what was happening, he got extra info from idia n ortho,,, the way azul was about to fight and idia went don't bother (bc he actually likes azul as a friend bro), and ortho went "the chances of you sustaining an injury drops by 87% if you don't struggle ^^" also. idia being concerned ? kind of ? by the ferrymen's forcefulness while coming in and taking the students is nice to see (and i KNEW it. i bet that idia's parents, or the shroud family in general, runs this Styx facility)

and they took crowley ?? crowley seems to know exactly what's going on, so i wonder why they didn't coordinate their...pick up with him beforehand (they legit destroyed so much public property + trespassed for no reason)

[ about : the plane ride ]

it's scary how they're all in a cramped dark space flying to who knows where. like how inhumane ?? they're about to take these people to do research w/ them, but clearly they don't care that they're humans, and they treat them more like convenient test subjects that have converged coincidentally in one school.

RIDDLE SLEEPING ON LEONA'S LAP IS SO FUNNY SJFDKSJFKS I CANTTTTT the way his leg was probably cramping,,,,three hours w/o moving and someone sleeping on you, he has so much patience onggg

[ about : styx ]

so...styx is an organization that does research on blot. it makes perfect sense why crowley would know they'd come knocking, since they have had 5 overblots that one school year. and the shroud family are "the watchman of the isle of woe". leona explains that they take overblotted mages there. what i don't understand is why countries can't interfere with them ?? or is it that they won't interfere with their research bc...styx' research benefits them too perhaps...?

from what leona said, they handled extreme overblot cases that regular magic marshals couldn't handle aka ones that can't un-blot anymore, so why are they coming after the ob gang ? not only were some of their overblots months ago, they've also all safely un-blotted, and transitioned back to normal life... ig my question is why them, and why now.

(it's a cool detail that the ob gang actually got help after their overblots. like it wasn't like everyone just picked up where they left off, vil mentioned medical mages and proper counseling, and that means that they were able to talk to someone about the things that troubled them.)

[ about : idia's family ]

not only do they run the jupiter conglomerate, aka the google of twisted wonderland, they might also run styx ? idia did ask the charon dudes if his mom and dad were away, ig this is what the shroud family ACTUALLY does behind the scenes of their big tech and energy business.

it also explains why idia deleted all those prospective work emails in the end of book 5,,,,bc he just knows that he won't be able to work or pursue any of his other dreams. his fate has been sealed since day 1 bc he was born a shroud, so he's probably going to end up having to take over Styx and its research in the future.

(and azul. being as on-brand as ever and saying he should've made idia in debt to him....sir, his family legit just kidnapped you, chill)

[ about : iDIA SHROUD ?? ]

HELLO. IDIA SHROUD ACTING DIRECTOR OF STYX ???? that means that his parents DO own styx, and that they're letting him run it for now while they're doing other things.... also i really hope that the ob gang don't get hurt hhhh

aaaannd i'm stopping here bc it's late, i did not realize that so much time had passed...i'm tempted to keep playing but i must sleep. n e ways yea this was just me rambling about what was happening as it happened, so i hope you...enjoyed ?? (if you did read this far)

[filet-o-feelings]

20 questions for fic writers!

tagged by @jesuisici33 @stereopticons and @hippolotamus and @smblmn thanks! 💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

252,519

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Schitt’s Creek

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Everything's Too Cold... But You're So Hot

Further North

Easy to talk to

best of the century

Like They Handed Me My Life, For the First Time it Felt Right

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I love interacting with people in the fandom (and the one time someone outside of the fandom came across my cloudberries fic)! If someone took the time to comment on my fic of course I want to thank them, I appreciate it so much!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Angsty ending? I don't know her. Maybe please don't let me disappear because it's Patrick's thoughts after the barbecue and the fic ends before they get back together, even though we all know it's going to work out. Typically I stick with happy endings for these boys.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

What is the measure of happiest, they all end happy? Um maybe Mistakes We Knew We Were Making because they had to do a lot of work to get there?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't yet, thankfully

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Occasionally, but it's usually pretty mild and mostly loaded with feelings.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope, no crossovers, unless you count 20+ years ago when I wrote good charlotte/mest fic over on livejournal lol

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope, but that'd be amazing!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nothing that's been completed, but I have a long abandoned wip @treluna4 and I started like a year and a half ago

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

David/Patrick

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

hmm I really loved the collab idea with @treluna4 so I'd love to finish it, but I don't think it's going to happen. We had a lot of fun brainstorming it though! Maybe one day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Introspection and building up a slow burn, probably

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to skip the descriptors and move too quickly, but I think I've been improving a bit (or I never would have made it to 50k in Library boy!)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I never have, but if the fic called for it I'd want to find someone who could accurately check it for me before posting.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Good Charlotte

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

might be recency bias, but Library Boy is the fic I've probably worked the hardest on and I really, really love it. I also love my kinda weirder fics like Rescue Mission and the devil wears mid-range denim

I'm not sure who's done this or been tagged but if you want to play I'll tag @statueinthestonetoo @treluna4 @beaiola @tyfinn @wordthieve @jamilas-pen and anyone else who wants to!

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #140

Would you rather visit The Eiffel Tower or the Egyptian Pyramids? The Pyramids, easy. I would LOVE to visit Egypt.

Would you be surprised if your most recent ex called you tonight? Yes, considering her number is blocked and I also know she has zero desire to talk to me, and it's mutual.

Do you need to lose or gain weight? Lose. Trying so fucking hard and have been for years. It just teeters back and forth.

Do you think you have a disorder but haven't been properly diagnosed yet? Yes, and as of a few days ago I'm on the road towards an autism evaluation and potential diagnosis after suspecting myself of being a high-functioning individual for a VERY long time for a novel's length of reasons. I went to therapy and talked about it, and she will be trying to get me to see someone who can perform an evaluation.

What is the population of the city you live in? I'm not comfortable giving like, a super specific number, but according to Google it's a few thousand over 50k. Apparently it's bigger than I thought it was...

How many pairs of jeans do you own? Literally zero.

When did you last vacuum your room? Nothing less than astonishingly, only a few days ago. The next day I cleaned my ENTIRE room, and I've kinda stayed in this restless state where I'm just tidying things up a lot. Like don't get me wrong, it's fucking fantastic, but this behavior is VERY unlike me; like the immense majority of mentally ill people, I tend to have a shitload of trouble with cleaning, especially without my mother prompting me to.

Have you ever put on or lost a significant amount of weight? Both.

On a scale of 1-5, how often do you curse? Oh, "5" just feels like too small a number to rank how much I fucking curse lmfao

What is the worst thing you’ve ever smelled? My late dog Teddy's diaper if he'd pee in it while he also had this very large tumor that would also be closed within it, plus he regularly got insanely potent UTIs. This was towards the end of his life and he just in general had so much going on. It eventually got to where I physically couldn't be the one to change it if it hadn't been for a little while (ex., overnight), like the smell was one that would basically bring you to your fucking knees, I'm talking dizzyingly disgusting and would make me violently gag and heave. Not even decaying animals I've smelled matched this, and I'm sure being in such close quarters to change his diaper played a big role in just how terrible the experience was.

What’s your favorite social media platform? I think Tumblr's the most fun, but I like Facebook for keeping up with the lives of people I care about.

Name someone with brown eyes. Both my parents, both my immediate sisters... a whole lot of people.

Do you know what your next injection will be? No. There's talk going on about TRYING to get me approved for a very well-received weight loss injection since my pre-diabetes news, but the odds are low because of the kind of insurance I have but also because I'm pre and not actually diabetic. Giving you reliable health care only matters when you're basically dying in this country, y'know?

Does anyone call you darling? If so who? Uh I suppose it's possible Girt does sometimes, but that's definitely not one he says a lot. I'm pretty positive I've seen him write "darlin" in Discord, but I'm not positive if he's vocally used that term with me.

If you had to have a cartoon character tattooed to you what would it be? Um, I guess if I HAD to, I'd probably go with a Pokemon of some sort. Maybe a cutesy Charmander.

You have to dye your hair two colours, what do you choose? IF I knew the colors would take, right now I'd probably go with a pastel pink and light lavender to layer.

If you could would you look at your future self? I think I'd be too scared to.

Who was your first serious relationship? Jason.

If you had to cut a parent out of your life who would you cut out? I really, really, really fucking hate this question, but my dad.

If you had to get a piercing right now what would you get done? Right nostril redone.

Who is the #1 person/thing in your life? My boyfriend.

What are two things you wish you never did? Said certain things to Jason and my dad. Juuuust to name two.

Would you rather have three personal wishes or world peace? World peace, fucking easy.

What were/is your high school colors? Red and white.

When someone sneezes, do you say “Bless you,” or “God Bless you?” "Bless you," but I wish I said neither because of the religious implications. It's just become this social expectation that is completely meaningless, but I'm way too concerned about not looking rude. I've thought of just switching to "Gesundheit," but around here? That'll raise some eyebrows and I don't feel like explaining in the Bible belt of all places "oh I'm just not religious and it feels weird."

Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? lol no, even if I was hypothetically single, that is totally not how I work.

What are two things you are excited to do in the near future? Get my tattoo finished, and actually that exact same day I'll be going to Girt's afterwards for the yearly dinner they have to celebrate his late date's birthday; they get together and make his favorite meal. I was there last year and literally cried over panic of being rude lmfao because I physically could not eat it, it was this pasta thing with chicken gizzards and also hearts. I immediately reminded Girt of this and told him I'm going to eat prior, and he said it wouldn't offend anyone but I still worry regardless. Either way I'm still excited to go, I don't see his family enough.

Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? A house.

Are you one of those people who like to spell out numbers? In English grammar (or at least, what I was taught), any number below 10 is technically meant to be spelled out, and depending on the context, I usually abide by that.

Who was the last person (if anyone) you said Happy Birthday to? Either my dad or a Facebook friend. I feel like the latter.

Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it? I do, and it totally depends. I'd say most days I don't use it at all.

Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? lol no, I'm a grown-ass adult.

Leggings with denim shorts; yes or no? I think that mix is perfectly capable of being cute. Probably isn't always, but.

Do you think any bands/artists are trashy? So like here's the crazy thing, I know NO celebrities on a personal level!!! and especially with musicians, there is a tendency to develop stage personas that do not reflect who they factually are!!! but even if I knew any personally, they can do whatever they want w/ their own lives if it's not at the expense of others!!!!! hot take right????????

Do you plan your meals in any way? Not really, like I don't do meal prep or decide at the start of the day what foods I'm eating. I just go with what I want in that moment.

Were you in the scouts when you were young? Girl Scouts? Yes, with my older sister and maybe younger. I can't remember how long, though.

How many people could sleep in your home? (Not counting floor space; beds and couches only) Uh, I'm going to go with needing the ability to lie down versus just sit up, because people COULD do that on the couches... My bed and Mom's can comfortably fit two people each, the leather couch someone could just lay out on and be fine, and then our other one actually has a fold-out bed that could fit two people, but I'm doubtful it'd be comfortable. If we're counting all those, seven.

Have you ever made a hole-in-one at mini-golf? Yeah.

What genre was the last song you listened to? Who provided the vocals? Natively Rammstein is considered Neue Deutsche Härte, but if you want a familiar equivalent, some sort of harder rock for this specific song, I'm so bad with the bajillion different metal and rock subgenres. Their vocalist is Till Lindemann.

If an ex said they hated you, what would you say? Only going with the other two "serious" people I dated, and this is just what I think I'd say right this minute; I obviously wouldn't know until I was right in this situation. With Jason, I'm very confident I'd just say that I know and don't blame him. Sara, I would honestly likely point out that a person like her hating me is probably a good thing.

What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? Wouldn't affect me at all.

If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you? I mean it really wouldn't matter; they can say it, but it wouldn't change the fact I love and am loyal to Girt.

Truthfully, is there someone you used to date that you miss? There are memories with Jason that I miss and I miss how well we once upon a time meshed together; we were best friends that really, really loved each other. At least, for most of the relationship, on his end. He was a super, super silly and boldly him person (he was the complete opposite of me in the sense that he was an open book about who he was, things that made him happy, etc., and that was extremely appealing to me), like it'd be great if we could still be friends in each other's lives, but that's just not how it could ever work, and I know that. I don't want to date him again, there is WAY too much hurt over how he left and how he never communicated his feelings regarding my mental health, but in an ideal world, it'd be nice to still be in touch, but the world is rarely ideal. This way is better for me.

If you could go forward in time and see your life 5 years from now, what would you hope to see? Me being primarily mentally - and physically - well and having learned to love and be kind to myself, supporting myself decently enough with art, Girt and I living together/probably married by that point, lots of healthy and happy pets. Maybe even a hobbyist tarantula breeder for fun, extra income, and the tarantula hobby could use more breeders anyway.

Are you more comfortable with men or women? Women. If you ever meet a SINGLE woman who says she feels safer around men, hit me the fuck up and let me know so my jaw can drop off my face, through the ground, and into the core of the earth.

Who came over last? lol technically Jehovah's Witness. I warned Mom a group of them were wandering around our development (they are so obvious), and so when they rang the bell and then knocked as well, Mom just didn't even answer. They could very likely see me through the window blinds that I have open, but I gave no shits whatsoever. They eventually just left, thank fuck.

Has one of your friends ever tried to "hook you up?" Not exactly "hook up," but Colleen knew I was into Girt (this was obviously the first time, 2017) and she VERY obnoxiously tried to push us together, and I KNOW it made me uncomfortable, and I think Girt as well. There was one time we got together and went to Pizza Hut/Inn (idr) and this completely indecent bitch starts a sentence with (IN A BUSY RESTAURANT) "because I'm trying to get your dick inside her-" and this is THE CLOSEST I have ever gotten to smacking somebody, like I consciously had to stop myself, but the look I gave her should've melted her where her ass sat. She didn't even look at me though, so I know she didn't see it, and I was so pissed off and disgusted by her that I really don't even remember what happened exactly after, but I'm pretty sure Girt just decided to act like she hadn't said that. If you're curious, as a matter of fact no, she is NOT the reason we started dating, he asked me himself without her completely uninvited involvement later. God I am so glad we're not friends anymore, it's hard to even accept I ever was her friend. OH MY GOD WAIT!!!!!!!! She IS the reason Aaron and I got together in middle school, but I'll defend her enough in that back then, I wanted her help kinda getting things across, but we were literal children who didn't even know what "love" really was.

What is your card game of choice? Magic: The Gathering. I'd honestly like to play it again, but I'd need a shitload of refreshers, the amount of rules in this game is MENTAL. Even when I was rather familiar with it because of Jason, there was a lot of shit I still didn't get.

What is your favourite books series? Wings of Fire by Tui T. Sutherland. Finally read a good chunk more of the one I'm on the other day.

If you eat oatmeal, do you add water or milk to it and what’s your favorite flavor? I HAVE to use milk, and I only ever really enjoyed the apple cinnamon flavor.

Was the last video you watched on YouTube a music video and if not, what was it of? I'm watching jacksepticeye's replay of Until Dawn.

Has anyone you know personally ever won the lottery and if so, how much did they win and would you or have you ever played the lottery? No and no.

What was the last thing someone has sincerely thanked you for? I think Girt, for me letting him have "him" time when he wants/needs it. There are times where I'll invite him here and he just wants to be alone (we're both very introverted), and he knows very well he can always just tell me that and it won't bother me at all. The way he reacts to it I feel like he's had bad experiences with this offending former partners or something, meanwhile I'm just like dude if this was problematic to me then I wouldn't deserve him/a partner in general, his life doesn't and shouldn't revolve around me. Obviously it'd be concerning if this was something he did ALL the time since that would just seem like he doesn't want to see me, but that's not the case at all.

What band, celebrity, etc. do you know the most information about and who would you like to learn more about? Oh it's definitely Markiplier, haha. It'd be super cool to know more about the Rammstein boys, specifically the one (the bassist Ollie) that's always been very mysterious and quiet, he's known for how shy he is, however the older I've gotten, the less and less I've felt the "need" to know everything about celebs I love and/or admire, like they're ordinary people that deserve privacy; their lives aren't our business.

[jimlingss]

Dear Miss Kina, it's me again! First of all, congratulations on finishing your final fanfic on this blog! It was immensely what i've been waiting and hoped for. You definitely played with my heart till the very end! It's kind of like - with every fic you've released till now from Seokjin fics to Jungkook fics - every one of them are all so perfectly crafted, every member gets so written well that sometimes time flies so fast when im reading it!

I waited, and read The End for like two hours? And it was really worth it (im wriitng this at like 3am too) like damn i was pausing every second because I was just trying to decipher whatever was happening in each scene, it was all a lot to take in because with each scenario created with the boys, it almost felt like six whole fics crammed into one! The scrollbar was really small n wasn't moving at ALL when i was reading the first few parts and i was like, "wait this feels more like a 60k than a 31k ㅠㅠ" ??? Like how??? But i was smiling as i was reading through the whole thing, to find out it was a Jin centered fic -- and honestly all of your Jin fics are godtier -- i was like "YES YES YES OMG YES I THINK I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING" n it was real fun to guess which member went next and how the scenario would turn out.

N i really loved how smooth u incorporated both oc and Jin during each scenario, their bickering was so fun and their moments made me go "AWW WTF I WISH I WAS OC ATM" AND OMFG especially that parf where ic asks jin if he ever knew her before everything happened n the whole "like you love me" scene went down -- my mouth was WIDE open i was tearing up and i screamed so loud lmaooo omg ur like the only writer to actually make me react so violently about that ○_○ n when the scene wherein oc wakes up and doesnt see jin and rushes out, the way you wrote it, you sense the urgency and the dishevelled/rampant thoughts of hers when she sees seokjin on the floor bleeding like that and all the way to the hospital scene where she cant even talk despite feeling so sick DAMN i cant even stop staring at the screen even tho my head hurts from being awake all night (but honestly ur worth it)

Like if i had to rank the individual realities where reader ended up with, i think the one i got sadder for was the Taehyung reality -- the oc in that universe couldn't even have time for herself n gradually drowned in becoming a mother and a wife n all i could think of was "tae u should at least treat your wife >:((" n with Yoongi's i was like "whut's happening," and instead of being hurt about it i for no reason started to discuss my thoughts onto thin air "i dont want a partner like yoongi, they dont have time for e/o n thats kinda sad" n thats where i really started to guess maybe every scenario has a major downside but i had to figure it out. N then with Hoseok n Joon's i felt my heart crack a lil bit bc the oc's insecurities in that part (she felt world's apart to hobi n then inferior to joon) i was like...this is me n I DIDNT WANNA FEEL THAT WAY IN A RELATIONSHIP so then again i started to talk to myself looool. Then we have Jimin's that got me like damn :(( thats kind of harsh -- being in a reality with oc in the picture removes the fact that jimin had a stable life. And i guess with every scene you made with all members (did that intend to give me life lessons or sum uhh)

And last but not least, Jungkook's! Not gonna lie, i also thought he was gonna cheat on oc bc she mentioned she was a racer, thats the reason he was late to her bday dinner, but then the dots started to connect when she mentioned why jin looked solemn in the hospital (re: everything that i mentioned a paragraph or two before)

I do know this was loosely based on TATBILB, but as i was reading through it i found so many similarities to it. Like the BTS UNIVERSE incorporated in where Jin goes back in the last to try and desperately change the future where he is not there in order to stop people from getting hurt. And also Orange (one of my fav mangas) where Naho received letters (along with her friends) from her alternate self to save Kakeru from committing suicide, and it had the happy ending too wherein she stopped him from getting right in front the truck (tho there were mistakes that she didnt do correctly)

And that's all 😭🤧 im sorry if this ask was really long. But i wanted to say thank you for creating all of these wonderful stories! They made my day n i could still rmember finding out about you as a baby army myself so i could say you were part of my journey as a new army msksksksk. It was such a great fun time to be waiting for new fics to drop, new chapters released and announcements and funny asks to scroll through on my tl! I do hope you do well in whatever you embark on from now on and hey you'll finally get to publish a book! And i'll most likely read that too ^^ happy 5 years to the blog^^ thank you user Jimlingss, thank you Kina!

omg thank you for this amount of feedback and your extensive praise, I feel undeserving of it hahaha anyway, thank you for taking your time to enjoy the end. honestly, I was aiming for it to be a 50k fic to just really indulge you all as my last story. But as I was writing it, it turned out muuuch shorter to my exasperation. but it still stands as my longest oneshot and I think it ended up pretty great in spite of being so much lower than my intial word count goal. that being said, I'm glad it felt long to you!!

Also thank you for giving me a run down on your thoughts on the other timelines LOL it was really fun for me to think about it as well and consider what OC and Jin would've chosen had they chosen. While each had their downsides, some of them they liked more than others. since you indulged me so much with such a long message, I'll indulge you as well....OC's choices prob would've been JK > Tae > Joon > Hobi > Yoongi > Jimin. While Jin (if he could make the choice for her), it would've been Joon > Tae > Yoongi > Hobi > Jimin > JK.

I came up with the whole idea of the end. while watching TATBILB cause I thought this whole alternative reality worlds was gonna happen but nope, they took a much different direction lol and I'm happy to hear you mention Orange bc that was one fantastic manga I read!! Personally, I find the end. to be the love child between The Truth Between Us and The Seven Kinds of Love (with a sprinkle of Seven Seconds in Heaven) hahha there's definitely elements of pre-existing stories to this guy but I don't mind so much since it feels like almost a call back to them :')

Anyway thank you for the love and encouragement!! I'm sending well wishes to you too!!

[aliceu]

Fic writer tag !!

Thanks for the tag @whiteprincessofnohr, @sleepylixie and @yyxgin 💞💞

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

Stray Kids is actually the first fandom I write for 😂

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

Well skz obviously :D but with Set the Sails I’ve dabbled for the first time in writing for TXT, and for the next collab I’ll be writing an ATEEZ Yeosang fic !!

3. how long have you been writing?

Uh tricky question. I think since first grade in elementary school? I kinda stopped for 5-6 years though and only got back to it a bit more than a year ago.

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

Only tumblr! Should you find me somewhere else then that’s definitely not me 😂

5. what is your favorite genre to write?

Fantasy! Romance! Angst! (Not heart-break angst but that murder and intrigues and betrayal kind of angst hahaha) ,,My mind somehow also always produces historical aus but they are quite exhausting to write because of all that needed research

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

About 50/50? I think about the basic direction of the story (the beginning and the end,, or at least a specific scene close to the end) and about the most relevant steps in between. The rest is more or less freely written and I get ideas and inspiration whilst writing!

7. one-shot or multi-chapter?

For reading? Both! Though I especially appreciate the potential for slow and steady character development in multi-chapter fics! For writing? Also both me thinks 😂 I’ve yet to post a story with more than one part but that doesn’t mean that my mind isn’t constantly spitting out ideas that would definitely not fit into only a oneshot. (@sleepylixie remember Three Kings? I still haven’t given up on it hehe so maybe after all those collabs and that one conservatory wip I’ll actually get to it and start posting :D)

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

Oof, I’m not picky, really. I’ve read stories with chapter lengths up to 50k so everything, as long as it’s engaging to read!!

9. what is your longest published story?

Definitely Set the Sails (19.8k) !! It exceeded my initial estimate of 3-6k by far !! 😅😂😂

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

Very difficult! When Masks Dance maybe because of the dynamics between Minho and reader~ also Set the Sails, I kind of had a brainrot with that one 😂 oh and Fire and Iron too !!

11. favorite request you’ve written and why?

Probably Fire and Iron. It’s really short (meaning: a blurb) but the angst~ the fear~ Minho as scary bastard~~ (thinking about it now, Minho being a scary bastard was definitely my fave part of it all)

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

y e s Some kind of pretense or subterfuge or at least things are not as they seem at first/from the outside, eyes as the window to the soul/eyes having seen more than the person’s age would suggest, themes of war, pretty bois, moral ambiguity, equivocal conversations,  ... (I just realised that I have exactly two pieces of writing with only fluff and none at all in planning lol)

13. current number of wips?

I’m only ever actively writing one story at a time (currently the yeosang one) but the number of planned fics (with fairly thought through content) is about 8-9. I have MUCH more ideas however

14. three things you have noticed about your writing?

1) fLowEry language 2) looong sentences 3) fixation on facial expressions

15. a quote you like from a published story?

The man’s voice was languid, like dark honey, smooth and sweet and of a richness that was beguiling, that was full of tender promises and ardent declarations. (When Masks Dance Beneath Palm Trees)

16. a quote from an unpublished story?

The crowd to him was like an open book, a language he had mastered, an instrument he knew exactly how to play to get what he wanted. (Three Kings)

Music had always been a hideaway to you, a novel world full of wondrous adventures, of castles made of chimes, and clefs acting as players. It was a world so grand in its complexity and full of storytelling miracles, a world only visible to those who listened well, who were seeing the blank scores with their heart instead of their mind. Music was a tale that had to be told, a truth that had to be created tune by tune. (Count of Saint Germain fic aka Elixir of Life)

17. space for you to say something to your readers~~

First of all, thank you all so so much!! Without you I wouldn’t be here and posting, so I’m very grateful to you all !! You motivate me to keep on improving my writing and to share new ideas rather than fantasising about them in my mind only 😂 and to those of you who give me feedback or even only a keyboard smash, please know that each and every one of you makes my whole day !! Much much love for you !! 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

Tagging @fizzydrink698 @missskzbiased @lixesque @lavenderbexlatte @popisdead @hhjs @crispy-chan @chaninfused @delicatewerewolfsoul @the7thcrow @luminois @ohmysparkle @mingkii @chanluster and anyone else who wants to do it~~

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi :) I... really wanna read a fanfic or two but I can't find one I vibe with xD So... do you know one that's not too long (around 100k words maybe), has hurt and comfort, smut (am I allowed to ask about that?? Ahhhh) and a happy ending? Top!lock would be a bonus but it's not necessary. And if it's a nice AU (like... any kind but no crossovers pls), it would be perfect! :D By the way, I found your blog only a few hours ago and I already feel really comfy and Idk, kinda at home here ^-^

Hi Nonny!!!

Welcome to my corner of the Tumblrsphere!!! I’m so happy you’ve found me, LOL, because I love all my followers and friends! <3

First of all, I think it’s super cute that “not too long” to you is “around 100K” LOL LOL LOL!!! <3 That said, I’d argue all my fic recs are fabulous, LOL. But again, I’m stupidly proud of the wonderful lists I’ve accumulated, because it satisfies my organization kink LOL. And yes, you’re ALWAYS allowed to ask for smut here LOL. 

ANYWAY, so I’m gonna use this ask as an excuse to post up a long-overdue part two to my 50 to 100K fic list! But first, here’s some past lists for the genres you’re looking for:

FIC MASTER PAGES: PG1 || PG 2 || PG 3

Toplock (Mar 2020)

Omegaverse

Please Check PG 3 for all my AU fic lists. There’s a lot :)

Hurt / Comfort Pt. 1: Under 5K Words 

Hurt / Comfort Pt. 2: 5K to 10K Words

Fandom Favourites / Popular Fics

I hope those will get you started! So now, here’s the main event!! Hope you enjoy them!

50 - 100 K WORDS Pt. 2 (Novel Length)

See also:

Fics Under 2000 w.

Fics Under 2000 w. Pt. 2

Fics Under 2000 w. Pt. 3

E-Rated Johnlock for Newcomers Pt 1 (Short Fics under 20K)

Novella Length Fics: 25 to 50K (Aug. 2019)

Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K (Nov. 2018)

Novel Length Fics: 100K+ w. (May 2019)

Long S3/Post-S3 Fics (20K+ w.) [Apr 2020]

Top 20 Fave 40K+ w. Fics (April 2017)

Smut-Free Fics Over 50K (Aug 2019)

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Never Change a Running System by Lorelei_Lee (E, 54,246 w. || Pre-TRF, Romance, Humour, Drama, Sex Toys, Anal, Rimming, Masturbation, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Public Sex, First Kiss / Time, Virgin Sherlock / Loss of Virginity, Accidental Voyeurism, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Experiments, Naive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Straight With an Exception John, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock discovers his sexuality – with far-reaching consequences for John.

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because...new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride... prepare for blast off. Part 1 of the SpaceBois go to Space series

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate's nose buried in your hair. Whilst you're in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

One Little Change by jadztone (E, 58,312 w. || ASiB Divergence, Fake Relationship, Bed Sharing, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bi John / Gay Demisexual Sherlock, Switchlock, Alternating POV, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Case Fic, Angst with Happy Ending, Emotional Love Making, Butt Plugs, Cuddles) – Our story begins right after John and Sherlock's first meeting with Irene Adler in September. It splits off into an AU that imagines them taking a case where they act as bait to hook a killer targeting closeted gays in secret relationships. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, many things happen that have our boys wondering if maybe they have a chance with each other. Then Irene fakes her death on Christmas Eve, and things get a lot more complicated - especially since they still have a killer to catch.

floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w. || Notting Hilll AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant -- but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.

The Burning by SrebrnaFH (M, 60,658 w. || Reverse Reichenbach, Suicide, Depression, Hurt Sherlock / John, Separation, BAMF John, Good Big Brother Mycroft, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Fake Character Death, Rescue Mission, Reconciliation / Reunion, Hospitalization, Marriage Proposal, Illnesses, Physical Therapy, Happily Ever After) – Something went very, very wrong. John had seemed, if not happy, then reasonably content with his life. Sherlock had never predicted something like THIS might have happened. Not in his worst nightmares. He was the lousiest friend ever, apparently. At least Mycroft found him something to occupy his mind with, so that he didn't have to go back to 221B and stare at the walls and the chair, where John Watson would never sit again.

This Thing All Things Devours by cypress_tree (E, 63,844 w., 15 Ch. || In Time AU || Science Fiction, Dystopian Universe, First Meetings, Action / Adventure, Romance) – In 2169, time is money—literally. Humans are genetically engineered to stop aging at 25, when the numbers on their arm start counting down from one year. When that time is up, they die. The only way to get more time is to earn it, borrow it, or steal it.John Watson lives day-to-day in the crowded slums of Zone 13. He never imagined living any differently—until he meets the practically-immortal Sherlock, and helps him on a case to track a local time-thief...

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU ||  Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (M, 72,684 w., 18 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sickfic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w., 18 Ch. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he's a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover's trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world's highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) –  A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, Sussex, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Background Case Fic) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

31_Days_of_Porn_Challenge_2017 Series by distantstarlight (E, 96,540 w. across 31 stories || Prompt Ficlets, Assorted Kinks, PWP) – A collection in response to the 31 Days of Porn Challenge issued by AtlinMerrik! Thanks for doing that because this has been buttload of fun (that joke never gets old). All stories will be brief stand-alone one-shots.

The Baker Street Nativity by SwissMiss (E, 99,662 w., 23 Ch. || Nativity! AU || Teacher Sherlock / TA John, Pining, Sherlock POV, UST, Angst, Christmas, Music/Song Fic, Anal / BJ’s, First Kiss / Time) – Fusion between Sherlock (BBC) and Nativity! (2009 movie starring Martin Freeman). Sherlock is a primary school teacher and John is assigned to be his classroom assistant. Together, they are charged with putting on the school's Nativity play. What could possibly go wrong? Part 1 of The Baker Street Nativity Verse

Given In Evidence by verityburns (M, 97,884 w., 19 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Angst, Drama, Case Fic, Romance, BAMF!John, Submissive Sherlock, First Kiss, Humour) – Coming back from the dead can be a complicated business. With a new case on the horizon, rebuilding a life is one thing... rebuilding a friendship quite another. For Sherlock and John, things may never be just the same...

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

‘always and forever, lara jean’: a bungled mess of my thoughts while watching the movie

Alright, cards on the table: I never finished reading the book. I got bored a couple of pages in, so I just read up the summary on Wikipedia and called it a day.

Not gonna lie, I expected better from the movies. I loved the first movie; it was cute, it was fun, it hit all the right places. The second movie was… eh. Jordan Fisher is cute, so that’s a plus.

And then we got the third movie; the final in the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before trilogy.

And it was somehow even worse.

Maybe I’m exaggerating. Despite its shortcomings in the plot and character development-related departments (the fact that Lara Jean wrote addresses for letters she never meant to send is something that will bother me on my deathbed), the movies have their merits. They’re cutesy and charming and enjoyable, overall; movie-LJ is sweet and unashamedly a girly-girl, which is a refreshing change from the #NotLikeOtherGirls, pick-me girls and bruh girls we had in loads of other YA movies growing up. Peter’s pretty cute, too; he’s not a possessive freak like so many other love interests (The Kissing Booth, After, Anna and the French Kiss), and his and Lara Jean’s dynamic is cute, too. Not to mention- we finally have an Asian lead whose Asian-ness isn’t the whole focus of the story!

Again, maybe I’m being extra with all this. The series is, at its core, solely for entertainment purposes. Not every piece of media has to have an underlying message and you shouldn’t need to read between every goddamn line to find something worthy of enjoying. They’re certainly helpful for whiling away a couple of hours; perfect for bingeing with a pint of ice cream in hand, and all of this is in good fun.

Also, it goes without saying, but: spoilers ahead.

The film beings with Lara Jean scribbling a postcard to Peter while she’s in Korea with her family. The inclusion of that little snapshot of Asian culture made me so happy- seriously, fuck everyone who says diversity in media doesn’t matter. I’m not even Korean, and I was overjoyed at seeing a couple of scenes just from the same continent I’m on. The K-pop music in the background was a fun touch, too (although all Korean music isn’t K-pop, but that’s a rant for another day).

(Also: Blackpink has so many more suitable songs than Pretty Savage that go with the theme of the movies. Kill This Love in the second movie while Lara Jean is getting ready to go to her boyfriend’s match is bad enough- they’re supposed to be in love in that scene, goddammit.)

One thing that bothered me throughout the movies is how obviously non-Korean Lara Jean and Margot look. It’s like whoever chose the cast went for any random Asian- Lana’s Vietnamese and Janel Parrish is half-Chinese, and it’s so obvious. You seriously couldn’t find two Korean-Americans who even vaguely resembled each other so they could pass for sisters? The actresses do a stunning job and I don’t want to shit on them, but I just wish they didn’t go with the ‘all Asians look the same, what’s the difference?’ mindset.

Also, a nitpicky thing I’ve noticed in movies with characters who read a lot: no one holds their books up while they’re reading. Your arms start to cramp, which is why you keep your book in your lap while you’re reading, or you rest on your belly and hold the book in front of you. My spine and shoulders didn’t suffer years of torture as a chronic reader for you to include characters who hold their books up while reading.

A major gripe I have with Always and Forever, Lara Jean is how the characters are almost jarringly out of character- not from the books, but from the two previous movies, too. Lara Jean didn’t have much of a character to begin with, so I can’t say much about her (she dissed Oasis at one point; it’s okay for me to be mean to her), but the rest of them are either caricatures of themselves or just totally different people.

Movie Peter >>> Book Peter. He’s almost too perfect (except for the fact that he unironically loves The Fast and the Furious, which… ew), almost too much of the ideal boyfriend. Not that my perpetually single arse would know. How do boyfriends even work? I wouldn’t know the first thing to do with one; how often should you feed it? Do you need to take it on walks?

(In the notes I’ve written towards the end of the film, I’ve complained about Peter being immature and making Lara Jean feel bad about following her dream to go to NYU. He confuses me.)

Not to mention how distractingly adorable Noah Centineo is from some angles and under certain lighting conditions (other times, he reminds me of the human version of Shrek and that bothered me). King of weird Tweets and Instagram captions though he may be, he’s got a really nice smile, and his gravelly voice is both parts sexy and disturbing.

But I digress.

I’ll never forgive the directors for what they did to Kitty and Chris- two of my favorite characters, from both the books and the movies. Kitty’s annoying to the point of being borderline unlikeable- gone is the occasionally snarky comic relief we all came to love; in her place is an annoying brat whose every line comes out forced. Also, making soap is fun; fuck you, Kitty.

Chris is essentially Dixie D’Amelio’s character from that TikToker Grey’s Anatomy ripoff; the main character in One Direction fanfiction from 2012 who doesn’t want to go to the concert but her best friend gets a ticket for her so she can’t bail but Harry Styles sees her in the crowd and falls in love at first sight and 50k of mutual pining and misunderstandings late, they get together. She’s cynical and snarky and hates capitalism and consumerism and prom (because of course she does), but secretly, she’s into it (because of course she is). My guess is that she’s there to appease all the arseholes (including myself) who accused the characters of being too one-dimensional, but it seems too out of place in a movie that doesn’t have much plot to begin with.

I really, really hate how Lucas was done dirty- throughout every single movie. Of course, it’s Lara Jean’s story so not every side character has to be fully fleshed out- but you’d think three. entire. movies. would be enough to give Lucas a bigger role than the GBF and the token black guy for the diversity brownie points. Every single time Lucas shows up, it’s to push Lara Jean and Peter’s story forward. I would’ve liked to see a romance for him pushed forward instead one for Chris- especially because he says, at one point in a previous movie, that it’s hard to find other gay boys, so it would’ve been sweet to see him find love- and Chris’s character arc could’ve been focused on reconciling with Genevieve. Instead, we see the OG Reggie from Riverdale be the one to show Chris the bright side of monogamy, and Lucas gets a date to prom as an afterthought (another darkskin black dude, so no one thinks the film is racist).

Genevieve’s character in this movie gives me whiplash. Look, I’m all for girls supporting girls- healthy female relationships are something way too many YA movies lack- but she goes from bitch queen extraordinaire to friendly the moment the next scene calls for it. Her character isn’t consistent. A redemption arc should be executed cleanly and believably; you can’t have a character be a total prick one moment and then suddenly be, “Hey, if you get into NYU, let me know,” the next.

And Genevieve’s still an arsehole to Chris; at one point, in NYC, while they’re at the NYU campus grounds (I knew that Lara Jean was going to go to NYU the moment she saw all the banners; I fucking called it), Genevieve tells Chris, “University is for people who actually have a future,” and I recoiled. I’m not the nicest of people and yet that was going too far. Chris doesn’t hesitate to shoot back a, “You peaked in high school,”, but still. Y i k e s. You can’t convince me someone’s turned over a new leaf when they say something like that.

Lara Jean’s dad (forgot his name; gonna call him Dr. Covey) is as unremarkable as ever, and his new wife (forgot her name, too… Trisha? Trina? Eh, something like that) is… unsettling. I mean, I get that they’re all loved up and twitterpatted, but there’s something about all the smiling they’ve got going on that chills me to the bone.

Also, Trisha/Trina kinda looks like TikTok’s ThatVeganTeacher and it bothers me.

Another huge problem with this movie even being made is that the series never had enough plot to continue onto a trilogy. Lara Jean’s letters are what the plots of the first and second movies revolve around; the third only mentions them in passing. The final love letter from Peter was a cute callback, but there’s a massive continuity issue with the first two movies and this last one- both character and plot-wise.

Maybe I’m not articulating this clearly enough, so I’ll use an example: take Harry Potter, for example. Harry’s main goal throughout the series is defeating Voldemort. And it takes all seven books for him to get there, to finally achieve this.

Lara Jean’s goal in the first movie changes midway; from keeping up the façade with Peter so she can avoid the crap with the rest of the letters getting out, to making her fake relationship real. It forms a bridge with the second movie; the letter that went out to John Ambrose, and her dithering between Peter and perfection (I’m not sorry). But what does the third movie have to do with any of this?

There were way too many music montages. You couldn’t go five minutes without a random pop song playing in the background, and it was annoying as hell. Don’t Look Back in Anger was w a s t e d on this stupid film. The artsy scenery shots were even worse- no, I don’t give a fuck about the New York skyline or a bird’s eye view of whatever vehicle Lara Jean is in. A few shots of Seoul would’ve sufficed; the rest was overkill. This movie is way too damn long already (almost 2 entire hours!!!); cut out a couple of those. No one cares.

I thought they’d pull the whole Aladdin trope with character-A-keeps-trying-to-tell-character-B-the-truth-about-a-lie-B-believes-in-about-A-but-B-keeps-interrupting, but Lara Jean (typing her name out is annoying, why couldn’t she have a single name, like both of her sisters?) comes clean earlier than I expected. Peter’s reaction about LJ not getting into Stanford is… uncharacteristically mature? No “Why did you lie to me?”, no accusations, not an ounce of betrayal. Which I did not expect from a guy who’s a little bitch for the greater part of book one (I really don’t like Book Peter, in case you couldn’t tell). I know fuck-all about book three’s Peter, so I can’t tell if he really did adopt this mature, well-adjusted persona, or the movie did it to make Peter seem like less of a dick (like they did it with the sextape-that-wasn’t-a-sextape in the first installment).

On a sidenote, how do these main characters in YA books get into really good colleges with zero to no visible effort? These arseholes fuck around for the entirety of the story and have way too much going on to actually do schoolwork, but they waltz into Ivy Leagues at the end. And apparently, I’m not the only one bothered by this.

There’s something to be said about how the movies don’t really sexualize minors (characters who are minors, to be fair. None of the MCs look anything like teenagers), though. It’s almost weird to see them not getting drunk and partying and having sex all the time. Maybe that’s why Lara Jean trying to get her hand on Peter’s dick felt so stilted and awkward (I cringed so hard when she kept trying to touch him and he kept pushing her hand away, holy shit).

And the kissing. It’s to be expected from a romance film, but there was so. Much. Kissing.

The amount of product placements (… actually, I could count only two: Apple and a pair of Beats headphones Lara Jean puts on at one point, but the movie shoved so many iPhones in my face that I’m obligated to exaggerate) would’ve made anti-capitalist Chris mad.

I’m guessing this all takes place in a parallel universe, sans the coronavirus. Still, being in quarantine this past year and being socially awkward for every other one, it was agonizing seeing everyone so close together in NYC. When Peter kissed the ball (lol) (I have the sense of humor of a straight boy in middle school, don’t judge me) when him and Lara Jean go bowling, I had a visceral reaction. And what are the odds of Peter meeting his estranged dad at the very same bowling alley?

Speaking of Peter’s daddy issues (I’ve written “Hardin but diluted” in my notes; I watched this movie at, like, 1 AM; I’m not entirely sure what was going through my head at that point)- I hated how they guilt-tripped Peter into giving his father another chance. In the wise words of Hannah Montana, everybody makes mistakes- but leaving your wife and two kids for another woman is pretty far from a little oopsie on Mr. Kavinsky’s part. I don’t blame Peter for hating him, and I’m not in a place to judge whether Mr. Kavinsky (does he get a first name?) should be forgiven or not, but I feel like they let him off too easy and made Peter seem like a misunderstood teenager with anger issues for not accepting Mr. Kavinsky’s (crappy) apology at once.

And it adds nothing to the story at all; Mr. Kavinsky peaces out after having one (01) coffee with his firstborn, and he’s never seen again. If you’re going to introduce a subplot, make it tie into the main storyline- the very least you could do is make it an important enough part of the story to have more than 10 minutes of the run time. It makes no sense as to why they’d bring up Peter’s dad in this last film, when he’s already gone through two perfectly fine. I guess it was a ‘tying everything up’ part… even though no one cared.

Lara Jean’s handwriting is surprisingly ugly for someone who’s written that many love letters. And her styling took a definite nosedive; her outfits in the first movie were so effing cute, but now they’re just… meh.

There are so many conversations and lines that the writers must’ve thought sounded good enough for someone to type out the quote in curly font and slap it on a screenshot from the movie to post on Instagram, but when it comes to the actual delivery, they just sounded… weird.

Peter says one time near the beginning of the film, “You know what I’m looking forward to the most in college? Never having to say goodnight,” because he expects him and Lara Jean to get into the same college.

But I guess the word they should’ve used was ‘good-bye’, because this just makes him sound stupid.

At one point, Lara Jean asks Kitty how much Kitty’s gonna miss her when she goes off to college, and Kitty says, “A four.” Later on, she confesses, “I’m gonna miss you a twelve, Lara Jean,” and all I could think was, “But we’re endgame, Archie!”

(In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t let people know I’ve watched Riverdale; it lessons my credibility.)

Still, there remains some good to be found: all the baked goods looked very delicious and made me crave chocolate chip cookies. Peter wearing the socks Lara Jean gifted him at the beginning of the movie was a cute gesture, and Lara Jean giving Peter her teal hatbox? The one she kept her love letters in? Was so? Cute? Help?

And hey, it’s a cliché that’s been done to death, but I’m always a sucker for that part in movies where the girl walks down the stairs in a pretty dress with her hand on the banister and the boy turns around and his mouth falls open and all he can say is, “Wow,”- and this film did not disappoint! Not to mention how cute both Lara Jean’s and Chris’s prom dresses were.

Dr. Covey and Trisha/Trina’s wedding was cute, too- I struggled to decide whether Kitty wearing a necklace that says ‘feminist’ and a tux is a bit too on-the-nose, but I’ve decided that it’s nothing to get my knickers all in a twist about (for clarification: it’s not the necklace or the crossdressing that made me debate this; I just wish they didn’t make a big deal out of it- I wish they didn’t have Kitty and Lara Jean get into an argument about her not wearing a dress, if that makes sense?).

And the final letter- the one from Peter to Lara Jean- I ate that shit up; it was so, so, so cute.

In conclusion (why is it so easy for me to crank out 3k about my thoughts on a Netflix movie and yet when it comes to English Lit. at school, I’d stare at a blank sheet of foolscap for ages?), did I enjoy the movie? Not really. There were parts of it that I liked, but it was overall too boring and I kept wishing I’d watched the new SKZ Code episode instead every few minutes.

But that doesn’t mean that it was bad. I kinda feel a little sad, actually, now that Lara Jean and Peter’s story has come to a close; To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, the first movie, is one of my favorites, and bitch though I might about them, the kinda grew on me… like an innocent plant, at first, but then like a fungus. Not a parasitic fungus, just not mutualistic, either… kind of like a commensal.

Maybe I should stop with the biology similes.

[anythingtrxsh]

hello!! could you reccomend some of the most unique/original fics you've read or found? Anything that is not overly used is perfect! Ones you haven't recced recently would be ideal too :) Thanks so much ♡♡♡ purple you

omg this is such a fun ask! i love this anon!! 

We Make a Nice Pear [128k] by parmejeon {culinary academy au-- i’ve never recced this fic before anon but i just recently read it, and ohmygod i loved it sooo much so i hope you love it too}

pulling shapes just for your eyes [110k] by aeterisks {reality show au-- i never knew i needed producer tae in my life before i read this fic}

maybe we’re fireproof [50k] by thestarsabove {dysfunctional body temperatures au-- this might be THE MOST original and unique fic i’ve ever read, and its so fun to go back to it when i feel like i miss it so much. in my own opinion, every thestarsabove fic is unique in its own, but maybe im a little biased bc i love her fics so much}

retrouvailles [42k] by inevitaeble {high school au-- this one came out not long ago and i kinda fell a little bit in love with it pls dont judge me}

Comeback Kids [34k] by rix {hockey rivals au-- i enjoyed reading this fic so much, like i cant even explain it. i think i finished it in like an hour or two? bc i just couldnt put it down}

i wanna come put your lips on mine [27k] by locks {secret dating au-- so i know this is a pretty well known fic, and i know that i’ve recced it before but its just so original and fun and i always go back to reading it because i love it so much}

the happiest place on earth [15k] by taecheeks {disney world au-- i dont know if i rec this a lot but i definitely enjoy reading it a lot, so i hope it counts and i hope you like it too}

I want you, I’ll color me blue [10k] by blackberryboy {ski resort au-- this fic is one of my secret gems, that because i love u guys i choose to share with you, im still hoping for this writer to post something else because this fic was just incredibly mindblowing and it never left my mind}

the time space continuum (or something) [8k] by drawingspaces {college au-- this is also one of my secret gems but i actually do rec this one quite often, because its just so so good and funny and i love going back to this fic every once in a while. i hope you do too}

hooked on your dopamine [5k] by locks {this is just short and funny and i love it because i never would’ve thought i needed beret tae falling in love with a punk rock jeongguk}

i definitely should’ve added more fics to this but i can’t for the life of me remember fics that fit this category, so if i do remember them in the future, i’ll be sure to add them in this. 

happy reading!! 

[the-evisceration-station]

Did you like the htgawm finale? and would you ever do a htgawm au for dare me?

The HTGAWM finale, oh boy…uh…in short, yes, I did like it. In all honesty I have some mixed feelings, I think a few things were rushed, and I could nitpick over certain things. I wish this season would’ve had more episodes, or at the very least, a two-hour season finale. But overall and all things considered, I felt it was well done. Viola Davis delivered yet another breathtaking speech that brought tears to my eyes. Annalise got to live a long life, the interpretation of a Teganna endgame is free for mine to take, and you know I’m fucking taking it. I’d say my biggest qualms is that Bonnie deserved better. And actually, I was bummed about Frank too— not because I particularly care for Frank, but because Annalise does. How fucking traumatizing that must’ve been for her, to lose Bonnie and Frank in the same go. As a result of actions Frank took, at that. What a fucking whopper to add onto Annalise’s never-ending list of trauma.

But I think there was something really poetic about Christopher teaching his own criminal law class. And of course, dubbing it ‘How To Get Away With Murder’ just like Annalise did. And the parallels between him and Wes in the first episode, urgh my heart. Maybe it wasn’t a perfect finale, but it, and the show as a whole, are going to stick with me for a very long time.

The second part of your ask has a very long answer, and so I will address it under the cut.

As for doing a Dare Me AU, uh funny you would ask. Because I shit you not, I was this close to ending my Beth Kills Kurtz AU with a crossover. Bert hires Annalise after the body gets uncovered and evidence ties Beth to it, as well as Addy and Will. Annalise works her magic and the whole damn thing gets pinned on Will, who accepts his fate as the scapegoat because deep down he knows he’s a shit person and feels guilty for it. Kills himself in prison. Beth and Addy go free. Baddy endgame.

Buuuuuuut then I decided that would end up being way too long, good lord. That would end up being like 50k or smth if I was going to do all that and go in to that much detail. Shit, I ain’t doing that. I got too much else to finish. What even. My brain needs to learn when to pump the breaks.

But okay, like a HTGAWM AU though? Like, with…hmm…okay, yeah, yeah dude, I see it! It’s on the noir side of things, but actually really works.

Colette in Annalise’s role. Which I guess makes Matt, Sam, and Will, Nate. Lmaooo, that's kinda funny. Cause Matt gets arrested for killing Will in Dare Me, but in this scenario, it’d be Will on trial. 

Okay, so who’s the Keating Five? Well, French Five in this case. Beth and Addy, of course. And I guess RiRi, Micheal, and Tacy?

Gets a little tricky here, cause HTGAWM has way more characters than Dare Me. Like, I don’t think there are enough Dare Me characters to do the whole Lila story of the first season. 

But we could do the Sam story, I think. Except there is really no Sam story without Lila…okay, Casey Jaye can be Lila. We don’t have a Frank or a Bonnie, but that’s okay, we can still make this work.

Colette teaches How To Get Away with Murder. Addy and Beth don’t grow up together, they meet in law school. RiRi doesn’t actually want to be in law school, but winds up here because her mother pressures her into it. Tacy only wants to be a lawyer so she can prove to Bert that she is as good as Beth, or possibly even show Beth up. Micheal chose to pursue this path after briefly contemplating joining the military in high school, until his school woke the fuck up and kicked the creepy ass recruiters outta the building.

Matt kills Casey Jaye because she was pregnant with his baby. Addy, who was close with Casey and had a crush on her, knew Casey had been seeing an older married guy but didn’t know who it was. She figures out it’s Matt after being in the French household and recognizing the wallpaper from a pic Casey had shown her. Addy confronts Matt, he gets aggressive. Lashes out at the French Five. They all inadvertently contribute to his death, but it’s Beth who deals the fatal blow. Bashes Matt’s brains in with the trophy a la Wes style the moment Matt wraps his hands around Addy’s throat. Colette helps them cover it up for mysterious reasons and frames Will for the murder. 

Ngl, I’m really high rn. I hope this makes sense and doesn’t have any typos. 

[lovelyparkers]

hard as nails (2)

summary: the second and final part to hard as nails! my 50k special!!! warnings: VIOLENCE!, a gross teenager, angst and fluff, um spiciness and swearing 2.5k words

peter parker left school that day with a hunch. he thought of the note, the knowledge that you attended the same school, the flirting, your voice...

and especially those red nails.

the same nails that belonged to you. the same ones that would pin his wrists down in several different places during fights. the same ones that stroked his cheek. it had to be you i mean, he had chills along with his spider sense. he knew it was you. and it kinda sucked. he liked you in school. he thought you were so cute and smart and sweet. and in the hero vs villain world? he thought you were mysterious and funny and...maybe a little sexy. your villain name, violet, flowed off his tongue so nicely and your hair when it blew in the wind on rooftops and your eyes that glistened under the moonlight. your signature red nails that could kill (my gosh) and your fucking party city mask.

it was y/n. it was you.

he bolted down the busy sidewalks of queens and changed into his spidey suit. his main and only focus was to track you down and find out what the fuck is going on. the only criminal he would catch tonight was you, no matter what.

you usually showed up in peter's path at some point every night, sharing some banter and flirting and the occasional play fight. but today was different. he couldn't find you. and sure it was new york but still, you always showed up and he started to worry. he swung around and around the proximity of queens several times for fun and on the lookout for you for hours.

meanwhile, you were at home doing some homework. sitting on your bed in your empty apartment writing down some notes and studying for tests. point being, you were trying to keep your mind off of daria at all costs even though she would probably find you and kill you if you didn't bring her peter. but you wanted to have a relaxing evening off your feet. maybe you would go out, maybe, you doubt it.

but you got bored, figured you'd head out on the town, steal some cash, buy yourself some treats before you get brutally murdered by a frightening middle aged woman. your victim was a kid from your school, total idiot who lived in your neighborhood and still went to midtown. you walked behind him on the sidewalk for awhile before grabbing his backpack and pulling him back into your arms.

"hey kid."

"oh my god," the kid hyperventilated, "you're that- you're that girl."

"mhm yeah i am. now give me your wallet and we won't have any trouble sweetie."

"okay," he stuttered our before reaching into his bag to pull out a wallet and hand it to you.

you dumped the contents onto the sidewalk, one hand still holding him in your grip. you fished through the items. there was loose change, a few twenty dollar bills, school id and a condom.

you held it up in his face, "really? you're that guy? you disgust me."

"i'm sorry!" he yelled.

"okay move along and get a life buddy."

you pushed him out of your path and headed down the street to a corner store which sold the greasiest funnel cake on planet earth that seemed to always be opened. you got the biggest order topped with literally everything they had and tossed a twenty on the counter pocketing the rest of your, well that kid's, cash.

you held your foam take out box filled with an enormous funnel cake and happily climbed you way up the fire escape to the nearest building. you were a little shocked you hadn't seen peter yet tonight but hey, maybe you scared him off. you sat down and enjoyed your funnel cake and watched the sunset over queens. what a nice night to be murdered.

you could still give peter up and save your own life but, deep down you couldn't. you had so much fun with him over the time you've been here and he never turned you in. he never hurt you. and you made a promise to him. he knew who you really were, a damaged kid who got caught up in the wrong crowd. but you were a shit head and peter was a hero. you stole stuff and he stopped the people who stole stuff. you couldn't risk his life for your own actions. it wasn't fair, and you realized that. now, it was time to be the good guy.

"violet," peter said, grunting as he hit the rooftop.

you turned your head to face him, "oh hey babe, want some funnel cake? i stole it sorta."

"no, i don't want stolen funnel cake. i wanna talk."

"about what," you said with a full mouth.

"about you."

"hey dude, you do this every night! i'm a bad person about to get beat and i'm trying to have a wonderful last meal."

"i'm not gonna beat you up."

"not what i meant."

"why?"

"why what?"

"why are you doing this? why are you protecting me?"

you paused, chewing and some powdered sugar fell on your leather pants, "because i know you're a good person. and i'm a shit head. and i realize that now. i just- i don't know if i can stop but anyways it will all be over tonight."

"what are you talking about," peter asked ripping off his mask.

you still faced away from him, eating, "she's gonna kill me."

"who?"

"daria. my mentor as one might say. she's gonna kill me since i didn't turn you in."

"i'm sorry what?"

"daria—"

"no i heard you just what the hell y/n, do you—" peter realized his mistake and covered his mouth with his gloved hands.

you groaned and chucked the rest of your funnel cake off the roof, "damn it man! how the fuck do you know?"

peter pulled his hands away, "the red nail polish, you should really be more careful."

you smirked, impressed, "says you."

"i'm learning," he said walking closer to you, "now whats this about getting killed."

you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in close to his face, "it doesn't concern you babe."

"seems like it does," he began, resting his hands on your waist, "since it's either me or you."

"don't worry, i'm doing you a favor," you laughed.

"yeah, that's your life. i'm not asking you to do this."

you stroked his hair, "i know. but i'm gonna."

"stop. i'll help you."

"no no no. look. i'll be at that run down place of 75th street. in two hours come and pick up my body. daria will be gone by then."

"violet- i mean, y/n, stop. i'm gonna help you."

"i don't need you to save me, hero. people need you more than they need me."

you squeezed yourself out of his arms and headed to the edge. you were about to get down to head to daria's when peter shot you with a web and pulled you toward him.

"woah there spidey, tying me up already? who know you were so kinky."

peter blushed, "listen to me. y/n i need you. i need you so so bad. you keep me grounded, i'm serious. you're a real pain in the ass sometimes but i love it. you're funny. and really really sexy might i add."

"ooh look who's flirting now."

"shut up," he laughed, "but i really need you. i'm not gonna let some middle aged woman kill you. that's not how you should go. i wanna get to know you. i can tell you don't like being a 'shit head' as you called it and i'll help you. i'll show you how to use your powers for good. we can be partners."

you smiled, thinking for a second, "i appreciate the offer but, you should just let me go."

"well these webs take two hours to dissolve."

"damn can you even last that long?"

"stop," he blushed, "i'm serious. i'm gonna help you. if you'll let me?"

you looked into his brown eyes filled with hope and slowly nodded, "okay."

"okay."

you both stood there on the roof, "so now what?"

"um we wait till my webs dissolve off you?"

"so what are you gonna do with me for the next two hours?" you smirked.

peter laughed, still blushing, "see this is what i'm talking about, a pain in the ass."

"but you love it," you laughed.

he did.

—————————

two hours later you were able to pull the webs off with the aid of peter. during those two hours you talked about all sorts of things. and you really wanted to change. you wanted to be good. and you devised a plan to take out daria.

peter swung the two of you over to daria's place and of course being you, you made several cheeky remarks which made peter almost drop you one or six times.

when you arrived, your body was almost shaking. you were actually terrified. peter put a hand on your back to calm you down and it helped a little.

"okay y/n are you ready? you go in first then i go in then we both kick her ass."

you nodded slowly.

"spidey?"

"violet?"

you grabbed his cheeks in both your hands and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, "see you on the other side."

you ran off, entering daria's apartment, leaving a blushing peter behind.

"holy shit."

you quietly entered daria's kitchen and called out for her.

peter came up to stand just outside the door to listen and be ready. he didn't doubt you, he just wanted to protect you. and goddamn he wanted to kiss you again.

"daria?" you asked into the empty kitchen.

"you're late," she said, "where is he?"

you said nothing.

"that's what i thought. i knew you could never do it deep down you bitch. it's almost midnight and no spider-man. you know what i said. you're going to suffer."

"what's your deal with him anyways?" you asked, steering away from the plan, "you're too lazy and fucking stupid to do anything yourself so you make me do dirty work. and you want me to rid off an innocent hero. fuck you."

shit. peter thought. this was gonna get real fighty real fast. but he nodded, it was kinda hot hearing you curse.

"don't play with me sweetheart, i protect you."

"i can protect myself. i'm done with you."

daria walked forward to you and slapped you across the face and kneed you in the stomach. you grabbed the side of your face.

"jesus what is it with you and slapping me?"

once peter heard the smack and busted right in the door and kicked daria square in the stomach. he ran to you in the kitchen to help you up.

"you okay?"

"yeah i will be babe, thanks."

daria got back up and tried the punch peter behind him but you swept her legs out causing her to pummel to the ground. she was too easy to beat. peter webbed her feet to the ground. and her hands together.

"oh c'mon taser web this bitch."

"no!"

you scoffed and walked to her side, "you're too easy to beat."

"so what, you're the good guy now?" she spat.

you looked to peter then back to daria, "yeah maybe. maybe i am."

then you pulled back your own hand and slapped her in the face.

"that's what you get bitch! you're done!"

peter grabbed your waist to prevent you from doing anything else and carried you out to the parking lot. he also called the police to get rid of that horrid woman.

"so now what?" peter asked.

"go to a rooftop? we have lots to talk about."

"you got it violet," peter winked, grabbing you again and webbing around to find a nice desolate roof.

he gently placed you down and sat next to you, taking off his mask.

"so," peter began, "what's up?"

"i'm sorry i kissed you."

"don't be. i...i liked it."

"really?"

"yeah. really. i like you, and not just violet, i like y/n, i like all of you."

you smiled, "i like you peter spider-man parker."

"good," he smiled.

there was a small moment of silence, both of you smiling over each other. and then you leaned into his side and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him in for a passionate, well deserved kiss. it was long lasting and felt so good until peter pushed back your shoulder.

"so if i'm gonna teach you how to be good," he said licking his lips, "you have to know that i'm in charge."

"oh are you now, pretty boy?"

"mhm. now take off that mask."

you obliged, taking off your party city mask and throwing it on the roof, "there, how do i look?"

"hot as hell, babe."

"that's my thing," you reprimanded.

"hmmm i don't know."

you quickly swung a leg over peter's hips, straddling him tightly, and pushed on his chest till his back hit the roof and once again pinned his wrists down.

"babe, i think we all know who's in charge here," you whispered. peter left out a soft breath with his eyes closed, feeling you on top of him.

peter quickly brought his legs up and out pulling you up and then turning you so now your back was on the roof and he was straddling your waist.

"do we?" he asked, "because wow..."

he leaned in so close to your face that his messy brown curls were toxic hung your forehead.

"...you look even prettier underneath me."

you smirked, biting your lip, "you know, you don't look so bad on top. but if you're gonna teach me to be good, i'm gonna teach you to be bad."

"what no! i'm a hero!"

"no," you laughed, "like...dirty stuff."

"oh," he blushed.

"i can teach you so many things."

"can you now?"

"oh i sure can. i can show you a whole lot you've never seen before," you said.

peter's breath started to quicken and he just wanted to get at you right there.

"and you know, we're both pretty flexible," you joked.

"oh man y/n. you're gonna be the death of me."

it was his turn to kiss you. his lips moved against yours in a fiery passion, whilst still having you pinned down. it was the kiss of your dreams. he would groan into your lips every so often causing you to melt and when you hit his lip and just about lost it, letting go of your wrists and you took over the kiss.

who knew, a hero and an ex villain making out would ever be a thing?

[unculturedmamoswine]

AoS McKirk Recs

At the request of @fireinmywoods​ I’m finally getting around to making a McKirk rec post, which I’ve been wanting to do for a while. All these fics are McKirk endgame. This isn’t organized in any way whatsoever, and is also not a comprehensive list. I mostly just scrolled through my bookmarks and picked the things that weren’t outright porn. I always wish reccers would include their own notes along with the author’s summaries so... I did that. Hope y’all don’t mind. I’ll try not to be too spoilery, but I think it’s valuable to see what other fans like about a fic. Also, always heed the author’s notes, warnings, and tags. Definitely check out other fics by these authors, because I’m mostly not reccing a bunch by each person in order to keep this post slightly less long. And please consider leaving comments on the fics!

The palimpsest verse by fireinmywoods (series is 100k words)

Author’s summary (of the first fic in the series): “Skip to the point, Jim. The sooner you spit it out, the sooner I can refuse and get back to work.” “It’s really no big deal,” Jim says as the door slides closed behind them. “I just need you to come down to Hearth with us…as my husband.” The Enterprise has been sent to negotiate reaccession to the Federation with an isolationist religious group known as the Kindred. While there, Jim notices that some of the children seem to be gravely ill. The problem is, the Kindred practice faith healing and refuse to allow a doctor to be brought in. So Jim does what he does best: he improvises.

Gotta start with the gal whose fault this list is! When I read the first fic in this verse I was really at a low point in my McKirk obsession. This fic really brought me back into the fold in a big way. The whole series is just very very full of love. I ALMOST read one of the sequels first but thank god I heeded Em’s warnings to read palimpsest before reading the other fics. Seriously. You need to go into the thing unspoiled. Anyhow, if you want Jim and Bones way way super in love, for sure read this fic.(And listen, if you don’t want to read it because you hate fake marriage please read it anyway. I dislike fake marriage and I read it and loved it. Give it a shot, I beg you.)

Manhattan (Weeks Gone By) by blcwriter (8k words)

Author’s Summary: For the jim_and_bones St. Patrick’s Day challenge, because only I can turn a flash fic prompt into 8000 words. I haven't been able to stop listening to Frightened Rabbit’s “In Living Colour”  from their Winter of Mixed Drinks album as I was trying to figure out what I wanted to say for my next story, and then this challenge came along, and literal writer! is literal, so, there you go.The prompt was "Manhattan," and the boys wanted to be married in modern times and run a bar in the Village with the whole gang involved.  Non-happy-fun-times ensue before things sort of resolve.

I love a lot of blcwriter’s stuff, but this one is my favorite. It’s a modern day au, and Jim and Bones’s marriage is in trouble. It’s a really wonderful look at people in a long-term relationship struggling to keep it alive and wondering whether to just let it die.

Something so right by blcwriter (series is 13k words)

Author’s Summary (of the first fic in the series): "Don't say we aren't right for each other, the way I see it is.. we aren't right for anyone else."

Okay, I said I wouldn’t rec lots of things by one author and this is my one exception. I HAD to rec this one as well as Manhattan. An utterly fantastic modern day chef au. Jim and Bones knew each other at culinary school but now find each other again as real grown-ups. And the sequel is a Christmas fic! Also contains Jewish Jim, which I’m always a slut for.

That Monogamy Thing by silverlining99 (11k words)

Author’s Summary: Jim thought he was doing it RIGHT.

I also need to mention the fic The Thing About Realizing You Are In Love With Your Best Friend by JenTheSweetie because these two fics are so identical in premise I can only assume they were written for the same prompt. They’re both great, but I slightly prefer That Monogamy Thing, so it got top billing. Both fics are set during the five year mission, or at least they’re set on the Enterprise. Basically, Jim and Bones start sleeping together and Jim assumes they must be now in a Monogamous Relationship(TM) and gets with the monogamy program. Of course, at no point did anyone say they were in a monogamous relationship, so Bones is not on the same page, shall we say. It’s a classic “miscommunication causes delicious but short-lived angst” kinda vibe. You get it.

The Repairs verse by shinychimera and Yeomanrand (series is 69k words)

Authors’ Summary (of the first fic in the series):  Young Jim Kirk is unstable and self-destructive, Leonard McCoy is withdrawn and wary, and the obstacles to surviving their first term at Starfleet Academy are not easy to overcome. A dark and brutal tale of the tangled borders between healing and hurting, where hard choices between emotions and ethics have far-reaching consequences; dealing with abuse and alcoholism, affection and neglect, piercings and bar fights, hot and cold sex, complicated questions of consent, and loyalty and love between people who aren't comfortable with either. A whole new spin on "I want my pain, I need my pain."

This one is kinda...whump porn. Like, read the tags. JIm is suuuper messed up and traumatized but sometimes that’s what you need in a fic, yanno? It’s an Academy fic that deals heavily with Jim having been violently abused as a child, and him growing to trust Bones while also kind of learning how to be an adult, rather than living life as the abused child he’s spent so long being. The abuse in this fic was not sexual in nature, jsyk.

En Promenade by newsbypostcard (series is 86k words)

Author’s Summary: After three months of weekend bar-hopping and a slow process of elimination -- with finding the right bar, that was, and tragically not discovering who Bones was into -- Jim was starting to narrow it down.

A very cute Academy fic that nevertheless deals with a bit of heavy shit for both Jim and Bones. Starts out with Jim bound and determined to befriend Bones by... discovering the perfect bar for them to hang out in. Has a lot of really great exploration of Bones’s character, and he’s written in a really entertaining way.

Future Imperfect by Savoytruffle (50k words)

Author’s Summary: Leonard wins the kid in a hand of poker. A hand of poker he plays in the dirty back room of a dive bar in East Bumfuck, Iowa, two weeks after his humiliating divorce is finalized, and on the sixth day of a bourbon-fueled bender that’s somehow taken him from his high-rise loft in Atlanta to a fleabag motel in the middle of nowhere.

This fic is an Academy fic, but in a pretty dark universe. Maybe not Mirror Universe dark, but it’s one where slavery is practiced on Earth. Jim is, in this fic, Bones’s slave. Not in a sexy way. He’s part of an underclass of people who weren’t designer babies. Bones goes to the Academy and tries to become a Starfleet officer, accompanied by Jim, his newly acquired slave. They grow closer as they deal with their pasts, and I guess I should stop there for fear of spoiling too much. This one talks a lot about childhood sexual abuse, so be warned. The story overall though has a hopeful ending.

Let Me Come Home by yawnralphio (7k words)

Author’s Summary:  “Someone asked me what home was and all I could think of were the stars on the tip of your tongue, the flowers sprouting from your mouth, the roots entwined in the gaps between your fingers, the ocean echoing inside of your ribcage.”

For someone who theoretically dislikes modern day AU’s, there are actually a fair few that I really really love, and this is one. Jim and Bones run a travel blog together and journey around the US in a van. It’s a really lovely mix of angst and romance.

The Switch series by Ceres_Libera (series is 269k words)

Author’s Summary (of the first fic in the series):  The life and times of Leonard H. McCoy MD/PhD … If Leonard McCoy's life could get any fucking weirder, it would be … Jesus, he didn't even want to think what that could possibly mean, because it's already been too fucking weird to make any kind of rational sense. A Starfleet Academy story, set in the ST:XI universe.

I don’t need any sass, people. I KNOW you’ve all read Switch, and I know you’re all tired of seeing it on rec lists and I don’t care. It’s famous for a reason! It’s not just long, it’s WONDERFUL. The big, epic Academy fic that kinda sets the Academy fic bar. Goes from Jim and Bones meeting all the way through the end of the 09 film. And that’s just the main fic. I really love that both Jim and Bones are depicted as realistically flawed people, especially earlier on in their acquaintance. Neither of them are angst sponges, they’re both just... kinda messed up dudes. But they’re good people who learn to love each other. Also I guess it’s technically slow burn?

The Greater Good by emiliglia (29k words)

Author’s Summary: Doctor Leonard McCoy thinks he's getting by, working as both a surgeon and a researcher at UCSF Medical Center. A chance encounter with Lieutenant Jim Kirk - who's changed since they first met five years before, and not for the better - forces Leonard to face reality about his own situation while trying to keep Jim from heading down the same path.

This is the only fic on here not on Ao3, as far as I can tell. Anyhow it’s modern day AU. Jim and Bones help themselves by helping each other and falling in looooove.

The aftershocks series by canistakahari (series is 30k words)

Author’s Summary: Jim Kirk turns down Pike’s challenge, and doesn’t get on the Starfleet recruiting shuttle. But neither does Leonard McCoy, who’s actually been in Iowa for six months already, doing fuck-all. Becoming drinking buddies seems like a natural progression.Sometimes the path to the stars is just a piece-of-shit dirt road. You know, the kind that’s filled with potholes and surrounded by brambles and conveniently happens to be located in the bottom of a ravine. But every once in a while, when confronted with such a twisted mess of circumstance and cracked foundation, the universe still does its very best to fill in the holes.

I haven’t read this in a long time, but I remember it being really good and kinda mindfucky. Not in a dark or stressful way, though. Jim and Bones don’t join Starfleet at all. I feel I shouldn’t say more because I don’t want to spoil things, but the tags should give you more information if you want some.

i think i’ll keep you (like a secret) by hoosierbitch (3k words)

Author’s Summary: Bones came to Starfleet with a hell of a lot of baggage. Jim came empty handed.

Some good ole Jim angst. Prominently featuring: Tarsus things! Allergic-to-everything Jim! Jim allowing himself to be vulnerable around Bones! All that good stuff. I just love me some vulnerability.

How Whales (Sorta) Brought Jim and Bones Together by highschool-facelesshellion (4k words)

Author’s Summary: For Leonard, first dates are flowers and small, homey restaurants where you talk quietly like you're sharing secrets with your potential girlfriend.They are not supposed to be at a table covered with aquarium maps and aquarium souvenirs. And they are certainly not supposed to be spent with a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy rambling about whales.(Or: Where Leonard is the only person that doesn't think Jim's too crazy for his whale obsession and Jim notices.)

Fairly goofy, slightly cracky remix of The Voyage Home (the one with the whales). It’s just silly and charming and I don’t know why I love the idea of Jim being a whale aficionado, but I really do. 

Any Road Will Take You There by shoreleave (63k words)

Author’s Summary: Slow-developing K/M, beginning right after the shuttle ride and showing what happens the first year at the Academy. Told from McCoy's POV.

This fic is verrrrry good. I know I have a lot of Academy fic on here, but please treat yourself and read this one. Shoreleave is really good at both plot and characterization. I really like this fic in part because it explores the root of Jim’s complete lack of trust in authority figures, while also showing just how dangerous that lack of trust can be for him.

Seeing Stars by lindmere (1k words)

Author’s Summary: Inspired by Chris Pine's wig in Bottle Shock. Jim sneaks into Riverside for an old-fashioned Fourth of July.

A very sweet, sort of domestic established relationship fic.

His Eyes are Opened by tresa_cho (21k words)

Author’s Summary: Lt Colonel Leonard McCoy thought his service days were over. After the Great War, he was ready to disappear into the sanctuary of anonymity, but the government had other plans. Strange men whisk him away from his comfortable existence to investigate an airship crash unlike anything the United States had ever seen before. The year is 1947. The location, Roswell, New Mexico.

Despite the summary saying ‘Great War’, this fic is clearly post WWII, so I think that must be a typo. There is a dearth of McKirk fic set in the forties, and hot damn does this fic ever hit the spot if that’s what you’re looking for. Usually fics that are set in modern times or earlier take out all the sci-fi elements of Star Trek, but not this one! Just a very well done fic with a unique premise.

Investigations by AceOfSpades (series is 93k words)

Author’s Summary: The first thing Jim noticed about McCoy, and what started him on this whole messy path, was that McCoy was just a little…off.

GOD DAMN I love this fic. It’s a Doom (2005) fusion, but you don’t need to know anything about Doom to get this fic. It might even help to not know anything about Doom. God knows I don’t and I adore this fic. Academy era, with Jim simultaneously befriending Bones and trying to solve the mystery of this weird Leonard McCoy guy. Theoretically we’re getting a sequel sometime, and it can’t come soon enough in my opinion. Never fear, though, the fic is complete as-is and has lovely closure. Really really really recommended!

The Galactic Adventures of Major Zeph by winterover (14k words)

Author’s Summary: Jim is a comic book nerd who’s finally found his one true sidekick. Leonard is a convention virgin who really needs a drink. There is only one bed left in San Diego.

Academy fic! For some reason I always love fics where Jim is into some kind of craft or art, or is just generally a nerd about something. This fic provides that twice: Jim is a comic book nerd as the summary says, but also really into cosplay. And Bones just happens to look like the sidekick of Jim’s favorite comic book character. Romantic hijinks ensue.

The Man Who Held Up Atlas by thalialunacy (7k words)

Author’s Summary: Five times Leonard McCoy fixed Jim Kirk’s back, and the one time he didn’t have to.

Really really lovely 5 plus 1 fic with reverse chronology. Starts with Jim and Bones as old old men and moves back in time from there, showing little snapshots of their relationship.

and i can lend you broken parts that might fit (like this) by jeyhawk (17k words)

Author’s Summary: Academy Era. First they fall into bed. Then they fall in love.

Funny and sweet. Nothing too heavy, just loads of Jim and Bones being wildly in love with each other. And sexytimes.

[thestuckylibrary]

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Anon 1 said:

I’m looking for this fic but i don’t remember big events? i only remember that natasha buys him a stuffed animal (i think he names it steve), and has a smurf doll in his pocket with a paper human drawing? does this ring a bell? thank you!

ocean-babyblues sent in Sing Me the Alphabet by thesardine (complete | 78,234 | T)

Anon 2 said:

do you remember the fic where like— steve and buckyy move in together and pepper gives them a tablet where they decorate the apartment how they like from there? also i think bucky likes to surround steve in pillows and steve would wake up with bucky staring at him from the corner of the room

Anon 3 said:

Hello! I can’t remember the name or much else about this series but I think there’s 2? The first one Bucky is HELLA sad, and wishes he dead pretty much 24/7 and him and Steve start up a sexy times thing? With Bucky is a slightly more dominant role, and right before he falls of the train he realizes he wants to stay? He also really struggles with his feeling for Steve? I’m the second story Steve lies and says they were in love and yeah.

Anon 4 said:

Hi, I’m looking for a fic I read ages ago where it’s post-winter soldier I think and everyone is expecting Bucky to be deeply traumatised by having to kill for Hydra, but it turns out he was a mob enforcer before the war. I can’t remember if Steve knew or not. Thank you for your help! 

Anon sent in The Murder Ballads by BetteNoire (restricted, complete | 78,503 | E)

Anon 5 said:

can you help me find this fic where steve lives in the stark tower and he keeps seeing bucky around randomly and when he finds him bucky thinks he’s dead ?

idjits-and-balls, bennettmp339, dolphinqueen10 and evan0uir sent in Sparked Up Like a Book of Matches by Sena (oneshot | 26,734 | M)

Anon 6 said:

wanna ask if you know that fic where Bucky has explosive in his head, and they can't take off his mask so they don't know he's Bucky? I donnu if it's really Stucky, but I know that Steve and Buck are the main characters.... can you find it please?

idjits-and-balls, Anon, evan0uir, kittybrownjs and ocean-babyblues sent in despite the threatening sky and shuddering earth (they remained) by praximeter (Zimario) (complete | 71,532 | E)

Anon 7 said:

Hi friends! Hope you're well. Could you please help me find the fic in which Steve gets his haircut by Bucky and keeps going back and then I think Bucky is nervous about starting a relationship with him. And also maybe Bucky lives with Kate / America. Thank you!

whitewolfbucky and dolphinqueen10 sent in It grew on me by Bear_shark, esaael (complete | 48,192 | E)

Anon 8 said:

can you help me find a fic ? I've been spending the longest time to find it but keep turning out blank. so basically: bucky(40s bucky) works for steve(modern Steve), and Bucky is kinda scared of Steve cause Steve is a asshole. blah blah bucky somehow ends up on his knees sitting my Steve, and it gets more sexual from there. it's a long fic, and wasn't written in 2019. there aren't any other characters in the fic it's very stevebucky centric

Anon 9 said:

Hello, I'm looking for a fic, Bucky keeps spying on Steve, he's protecting him and Steve figures it out and starts leaving food for him. After sometime Steve Wants him to Come in but Bucky wont do Steve gets mad and buys some sex toys to make Bucky jealous and he finally comes in and they get together

your-ginger-angel sent in I, Barnes by debwalsh (complete | 76,702 | E)

Anon 10 said:

Hello! I read this fic a while back where Bucky was desrumed as well as Steve. It was this wizard guy who realized that they were from the 20's, so he changed them back to that time. I was wondering if you could help me find it. Thanks!!

Anon 11 said:

im looking for a fic where bucky and steve are in an established relationship but bucky still goes out with girls. there’s one specific moment where bucky is kissing a girl in a green dress in a bar and looks at steve with a look that says “see you at home”. i really hope you can find it !!

Anon 12 said:

Do u know dat fic w/ Steve trying to help the winter soldier, not knowing dta its bucky, and the soldier has like tons of explosives in his brain and de mask still on? Thx in advance i rly like ur blog

idjits-and-balls, Anon, evan0uir, kittybrownjs and ocean-babyblues sent in despite the threatening sky and shuddering earth (they remained) by praximeter (Zimario) (complete | 71,532 | E)

Anon 13 said:

Hey! There's this one fic I've been looking for and can't find. It was a 5+1 (or just a 5 idk) where each one was a different stucky smut I think i only read one of the chapters but it was Bucky had a vibrator up his ass and Steve had the control, turning it higher and higher during a meeting to the point that Bucky had to use his arm to pull himself off of the chair so there would be no sound? Then after Steve fucks him in the elevator to give him the release. Thanks!

ocean-babyblues and Anon sent in S is for Steve Rogers is a Little Shit by OhCaptainMyCaptain (oneshot | 23,613 | E)

evan0uir sent in Sucker Punch by yellow_crayon (complete | 15,012 | E)

Anon 14 said:

I done goofed, y'all. Halfway through a fic, my browser crashed and I haven't been able to find it again. It was post-CW, Sam POV. Team Cap is still on the run, fighting crime. Bucky joins them after leaving Wakanda. They have a safe house they return to and a separate hub for communication. Clint has "anti-bullshit" powers and Sam realizes Bucky's in love with Steve and cuts Buck's hair for him after Bucky hecks it up. Four chapters, I think? Maybe about 50k?

possibleplatypus sent in Trust Me by oatrevolution (complete | 73,303 | T)

Anon 15 said:

I looked through the Royal!Bucky tag here and on Ao3 and I still can’t find it but Bucky is a prince and Brock kidnaps Steve, Nat, Sam and Clint who are a traveling act and Bucky ends up falling for Steve yada yada and I think at the end Brock tries to poison Steve but he stabs him?

forevermorexo and ysbrd sent in Arabian Nights by cleo4u2, LadyAngelique, xantissa (complete | 37,478 | E)

[wellanthropologicallyspeaking]

trigger warning // abusive parents, emotional abuse

i might be one of only a few people who have been thru the experience of loving and trusting a parent(s) their whole lives, and in a matter of months have that trust utterly broken and the love that you felt for them lost.

context is, long story summarized, my mom put me thru a very tramuatic experience last year (on christmas no less) when she basically said she “disowned me as her child”. i cried and cried and the whole thing was horrible, she just shouted so much while my dad begged her to stop and calm down, and he tried to calm me down too and brought me food afterwards.

the context for this was basically, the christmas tree that i was decorating for hours the night before had fallen when i was downstairs looking for an extension cord, and its falling broke one of the ornaments from my childhood that i had painted myself while in kindergarten/first grade. it was so heckin pretty and i was so proud of it and hoenstly when i saw i broke, along with a few other beloved ornaments, i broke down.

december last year was filled with all kinds of shit that led me deeper and deeper ino my depression, and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. while we cleaned up the tree with me sobbing intensely, my mom was all “i told you this would happen !!! you should have done what i said !!!” THAT’S what you say to your CRYING CHILD (i’m 20 but still im her child and you would expect a person to be more compassionate towards THEIR KID)??? instead of seeing that they’re obviously upset. this made me fucking pissed and i just stormed to my room, and declared that im not celebrating christmas this year. my mom forced me and coereced me to have christmas dinner, but i slipped away with a turkey leg and bread into my room, while she was fucking pissed in the other room.

the next day, we had the horrible aforemention argument, where we went over the christmas canceling thing and me not wanting to celebrate, but my mom also went on the thing that i didn’t want to take her vitamins anymore, and she was fucking pissed at me for that.

now, that makes no sense, but i have pretty bad acne, and my mom has *taken it upon herself* to treat my acne herself, even though i kept telling i didn’t want or ask for her help, but she’d just insult me and force/blackmail me to take them. this went on for over a year, and it sounds horrible on its own, but it actually didn’t change my opinion of her until last december.

her argument was “because you’re not taking the vitamins i gave you, it means 1) you want to ruin your skin permanenly (and she goes on about ONE lady she knows who has bad acne scars who i’ve never even met) 2) you want to HURT ME EMOTIONALLY because i worry about you and you having horrible skin makes me feel bad (this sounds kinda emphathetic from her side of things but trust me, the way she meant it felt more like im some kind of experiement to her who she needs to fix and when she can’t “fix” me, she feels bad instead of ever considering MY FEELINGS)”

anyways that whole load of bullshit resulted in me arguing with her, and eventually led to her threatening to disown me while i sat sobbing so fucking uncontrollably, which i think was the only time since maybe i was a baby that i had ever cried so much and so hard. she eventually said, in not so many words, fuck you and im disowning you, while i was left shattered in a pool of my own tears.

it took me WEEKS to recover from the emotional turmoil that experience brought me, and i could never look her in the eye again.

about a month later, my dad would end up driving me to college instead of my mom (bc im a 20 year old american who still doesn’t know how to drive whoops) and over the months of the semester, he’d share things about how bad this lawsuit is that my mom’s waging against our neighbor (wholeeee other kettle of fish that i won’t get into here) and how it was stressing him out and using up precious time, money, and energy that he had. he also mentioned the whole lawsuit cost 40K to manage up to that point, bc my parents had been doing it for about 5 years and that’s the total sum it cost over those 5 years. i was fucking shocked bc, i remeber years back even BEFORE the lawsuit when i saw my mom google “free colleges” for me to attend when i’d graduate, bc she said college “was too expensive”. i mean yea that’s true but there’s a good college here that i want to go to that’s 6K a year?? like if you add it up, my time at college would cost LESS than the 40K wasted on this lawsuit AND we’d deffo have money left over for house repairs, of which our house needs a million. but nah, my mom’s priorities is that we need to waste 40K on a lawsuit for a plot of land on our drive way the size of a desk. size of a DESK. im not fucking kidding here, i wish i was bc its so ridiculous.

then later i learned that my mother (who i already knew had disowned her first daughter, what a shocker) had as a sort of “punishment” to her first daughter, aka my half sister, to take her piece of their apartment back that is in Russia. my dad said we could compromise on the money and get about 50K to pay for the downpayment for our house here, but my mom was s u r e she could “win” her case and get 300K for her share, which my dad said was near impossible and could put my half sister and her family in danger, bc apparently money handling in russia is risky business and people get killed for that sorta money.

my mother didn’t give a shit. about the actual reality of the situaion or the pain/danger she was putting my sister and her family thru. she could shit a turd and give more of a shit about that than her own daughter.

anyways all this and more that i learned, as well as the trauma she put me thru in december, made me open my eyes to the monster i had truly been living with. i finally learned how horrible, twisted, selfish, and cold blooded she was, and knew she could never have held any love for me. the mother i had known my whole life was a lie, and that lie shattered before my eyes.

this went on far too long (probably bc it shows i need therapy ahahaha i still haven’t dealt with this have i) but the message i want to share here is, if you’ve been in a situation where your parents have turned out to not be the person you thought they were, and the love you felt for them and the trust you had in them had shattered overnight, i want to say i know how you feel.

when that happens, everything that was normal with your parent(s) becomes abnomal. you go to share with them something you’re excited about, but you realize you can’t. you think about that yearly event you both go to but realize you can never go together again. it might not even be because they won’t allow it (my mom has “forgiven” me and thinks we’re alright again, as if december was “nothing”) but because you know in your heart that the person you did those things with is gone. they were really never there to begin with, because the whole thing was an act and the traumatic expriences you went thru made you see their true colors. and you see that their true colors are ugly as fuck.

those pauses when you realize that you can’t ever be the same around your parent as you once was, those times when you’re forever locked up to them because you won’t allow them in, when you feel guilty that you haven’t forgiven them and that its somehow your duty as their child to forgive them, i’m not here to say that you should open up, but that you should not open up to them. don’t ever feel like you are obligated to open up to them or “forgive” them. they hurt you and they broke your trust and made you experience horrible trauma that’s hard to come back from. just because they’re your family doesn’t mean you must forgive them.

there’s this societal norm that we’re surrounded by that in order to overcome and deal with trauma, you have to forgive the people who hurt you. in my opinion, i think that couldn’t be farther from the truth. if you are a person who finds it easist to deal with their pain by forgiving those who hurt you, i’m not bashing you; more power to you for being able to forgive, especially when i can’t do the same. however, forgiveness is touted as this “cure all” that people should use to forgive everyone who’s ever hurt you. that cannot be true because what works for one person does not necessarily work for the next. one person may be able to deal with their trauma with forgiveness, and another person cannot do the same. i believe that you shouldn’t have to forgive those who hurt you, especially when you don’t feel strong enough to or feel any love/trust in them after they’ve hurt you. i can accept that what happened, happened, and that what my mother did to me happened, and that it affected me terribly and left me with emotional scars that will be hard to heal from, but i cannot call her my mom anymore or forgive her for what she did to me.

i do feel tinges of guilt sometimes because, i think, of this societal norm that you should forgive everyone, and i feel that coming from my place as a daughter, that i have some obligation to forgive my mother based on what society tells you. you may feel the same too, that you feel guilty for not forgiving your family and that if you were a better person you would forgive them. im here to say that that’s bullshit. you may feel guilty for not forgiving your family but that’s not some sign that you actually should forgive them or that you deeply down want to forgive them, it just means that you feel guilt because of what society has drilled into you. its okay to feel guilty about not forgiving your family and still not forgive them at the same time !! i feel like this sometimes, but i still know that the trauma my mother put me thru and the lies i uncovered about her make me realize that i can never forgive her. if you’re not emotionally strong enough to forgive someone, if you don’t feel the same love or trust in someone as you once did and so are unable to forgive them, i just want to say, its okay not to forgive them !! this isn’t some kind of contest that you have to win, you don’t have to feel like you’re a weak or bad person for not forgiving someone, bc our ways for coping with trauma are all different !!

in my opinion, i think trying to forgive or keep people in your life who are obviously terrible is not healthy in the long run. my mom is still doing the shitty things that are similar to what i described earlier, and i now know that she’s still just the same horrible, selfish, cold blooded person she always was; she was just under a mask. me forgiving her or tolerating her now won’t magically turn her into a good mom !! she’ll always be shitty and its healthier for me to just cut her out of my life as much as i can (while im still living at home with both that parents, and me being unable to drive, that is proving very difficult). it’s just better to cut out toxic people from your life and surround yourself with healthy people who will help you grow and thrive. it’s kinda like what marie kondo says,

(yea im an organizing nut but her book has really helped me organize the house, and i think organizing is kinda my coping mechanism, i spent so much time after december doing a full rehaul of the house that i had never done before, because i think i wanted to regain control of my life in some part as a way to cope for all the shit i went thru)

you should only keep things (or people) that “spark joy”. anything or anyone that doesn’t “spark joy” for you, you’re allowed to remove from your life : )

[supinelsun]

written on: 01/20/19 11:41am sgt 

title: “story, memory, scenery” 

topic: bts loveyourself tour in singapore 01/19/19 7pm sg @ the singapore national stadium

gUYS CAN YOU BELIEVE I GOT TO SEE THEM LIVE LAKSJDLJS last night was truly a special night. having been a fan since debut, getting to see bts perform has always been in my bucket list. the last time they came to sg was back in 2014, but back then i was just a casual fan, i wasn’t really an ARMY yet. i really got into them the next year, 2015, and ever since then i’ve always dreamed of seeing them in concert, just like many other fans around the world. 

back in mid-october 2018, they announced a few of their asian destinations for their LYS tour. singapore, was one of them and i definitely was not expecting that. my best friend ( @ughjmn ) and i completely freaked out. but the first thing that came to mind was the price of the tickets. kpop concerts have always been expensive here in sg, and i thought i wouldnt bet able to go because i had already gone to an exo concert back in march 2018. luckily enough, my parents allowed me to go and bought the tickets as a very early xmas present for me. i’m so grateful for that and i’ll make sure to re-pay them somehow. on the day of the ticket sales i was so nervous that i was shaking, i was also preparing myself just in case i didn’t get tickets. buT PLOT TWIST i got ‘em lol @ughjmn and i were screaming because we never thought we’d get to watch them. once we bought the tickets, we began counting down the days till the concert. 

time flew by really quickly and next thing we knew, we were seated inside the national stadium, with at least 45-50k other ARMYs waiting for the concert to start. we still couldn’t believe it, everything felt like it was a dream. the songs i was THE most excited to see live was ofc all the solos, outro: tear and answer: love myself. especially, love myself, as it’s a song i hold close to my heart. i thought i would cry but i didn’t lol i think i was just having so much fun. 

their stage presence was no joke. every member made sure that the crowd was hyped up and that they were enjoying the show !! during the ment, every member spoke in english and i was so so so proud !! 

they’ve come such a long way and they’re starting to get really fluent they’re so cute uwu tae said that we are all part of his “story, memory and scenery” and that’s so beautiful i love him,,, hobi also said that they were really enjoying singapore and wished that they could do another show the following day ! yoongi said that he was having a good night, and the translator said it exactly like that, but yoongi corrected him and said “not good, great night !!” seeing yoongi having a wonderful time honestly makes mY HEART HURT SO MUCH I LOVE HIM jimin sang a little bit of promise, i think he knew that we wanted to hear him sing it, so thank you jimin !! hes such an angel his voice is also angelic uwu blessedt ,,, jin wore these ridiculous sunglasses but tbh ?? only kim seokjin can pull it off he also screamed SINGAPORE really loudly and im not gonna lie, i was kinda hoping he would and im so glad he did wahahAHAHA and he ended his ment with “thank you, finish” hes so cute such a dork uGH ALSO namjoon was glowing,,, his melanin be poppin’ or something and you could really see how much fun he’s having !! jungkook also said “it’s us, your boys !!” or was it “show me your voice” lol idk which one and the crowd went nutS i was one of them hehehe honestly im so happy they enjoyed their time here and i wish they have some time off to go sightseeing or something 

the bts sg army fanclub also organised a nice little event and made banners for everyone to hold up when the screen said “ARMY TIME”. the banner’s in korean and it translates to “from the day the universe was born, ARMYs love was destined” im crying its so cute and the fact they took the time to do this and sg armys were kind enough to donate in order to have the banners made ?? :’)) theyre the best. also, while we were in line to purchase an army bomb, a lot of people came up to us and gave us photo cards they made and someone even gave us bt21 shaped cookies ??? like ??? armys are the best and theyre so kind ! everyone at the concert was really nice and people were quite considerate of their neighbours and im glad no one got hurt,,, except for jimin maybe he fell during DNA because the floor was kinda wet i hope hes ok and didnt hurt himself too much 

we were also robbed of go go but at least we got to see baepsae and boyz with fun :’))))) gosh im so happy i got to see outro: tear live,,, it’s my favourite song and the rapline stage presence ?? how am i still alive ? every single one of the solo stages too were so good ??? i almost cried at epiphany but i didnt let those tears fall or else i would be able to watch our king kim seokjin perform it and the truth untold wAS SO BEAUTIFUL uGH their vocals were so stable and im so proud of the vocal line !! thankfully no one got seriously hurt during the concert and nothing bad happened, not even any technical problems ! thank you to the staff who made sure everything was perfect and working !! 

getting to see the people i admire so much perform means the world to me. i’m also really happy my best friend was there with me to share the experience. we both love and look up to bts so much so this concert holds such a special place in our hearts. my birthday is also in a couple days, so this was a really great way to celebrate it early hehehehe last night was just so special i don’t think i’ll ever forget it. i lost my voice from all the screaming i did lol but tbh i think everyone did i also got sunburnt from waiting in line to buy an army bomb for so long alsdkjfjlkfj

To the 7 people who are teaching me how to love myself and are showing me that it’s more than okay to be myself, thank you. I love you so much and you mean the world to me and to many others around the world. Your music, lyrics and stories gives us happiness, courage and confidence to face the real world. Thank you for sharing it with us. 

[redandpointy]

⭐star⭐

ohhh. the scene I *really* want to talk about isn’t public yet. well. the first of a few.

So i guess maybe I’ll talk about the genesis of the whole series?

I got back in to WoW at the end of Draenor. I got caught up on the lore - reading the wiki entries and the books and pulling bits and pieces together and generally catching up. And it was all kicked off by someone in my raid team referring to Jaina as a “total bitch” when we did mythic siege after we all got our AOTC and being confused. So i read what happened to one of the characters I had really loved in WC3. (I still disagree with that guildie)

But I empathized with Jaina again and I really liked this teeny relationship she’d been written into with another soft magic nerd. And then we started to get information about Legion and there were bits and pieces coming out of the alpha that had me worried because WoW’s track record with female characters was not good. There were signs it was getting better, but still...

In my personal life, work was going well, but I was not as appreciated as I should have been but I was so afraid of not having a job I stayed. It was an okay job but they could have treated me better and it led to some serious workaholic habits I am still finding hard to break.

I was also just ending close to three years without writing anything that wasn’t RP. It was... not good. RP is fine and well and good and I love watching people do it - but I cannot tell *my* story doing it. I can be a GM and facilitate stories of others and that is wonderful and fun - but it is very much not *my* story. RP and, well, people, get in the way of *my* story and *my* characters. And once I truly realized that, it was better - because I could write my characters and I could do the RP thing and they were separate entertainments but for a very long while I tried them, unsuccessfully to be the same thing - because some people can bully/charm/influence their way into it being the same thing. But once I dropped that I was free.

And then right about then the Evil Ex, who I had been supporting financially for a whole year, who had been living with me after being in a long distance relationship - ghosted. A year. He got an “amazing” job in another part of the state and I was going to follow when I got a job offer. after a month - ghosted.

That was a bullet dodged. But it hurt. And at the same time, I was kicking some major ass at work and was losing a lot of weight and feeling pretty awesome and was really enjoying my current set of fannish things and was exploring the tumblr and fandom and so on and had kinda sorta thought about some writing in WoW. And I as far more interested in everything going on in the fandom and the news and in my head in WoW than I was in SWTOR and... I had some cool scenes I wanted to see. Some very grand, very epic battles and some very soft character moments and I considered “Did I want to get back into writing?” because I solidly hadn’t for close to two years and what I wanted to write was... not the big ships or the most popular thing and did I want to struggle in the same obscurity I had before and would that bother me?

And I also thought about the rumors of what would happen in Legion to the various favorites - because a lot of the time it seemed the thing I loved was the thing that was discarded or jossed or tossed aside or grossly underused or turned into a shitty trope I had seen and was happy to never see again.And so I decided that I wanted my epic visions. And I decided that I wanted my safe, happy AU bubble where things were as *I* wanted them to be with the “right” choices and Fuck. Canon, whatever it would be.

But I have this problem. I don’t like being OOC. I don’t like it when things come out of nowhere even if it’s “cool” like... there is a basis, a shared canon experience even if you or I reject parts or don’t know about things because it was in weird apocrypha - there is a basis. and part of the fun is taking that basis and expanding on it.So to bring about my pillowfort of self-care fanfic in the *legion* era, I had to start earlier. Much earlier. There would things which would need to have been different or changed prior. And those were very exciting possibilities.And, most of all, poor Jaina needed some goddamned therapy.So I started writing what became Red Crane in very late november. and I wrote... a lot. A LOT. I think I had close to a 50k buffer of words, some of them prose, some ideas, some side notes and side stories by the time I finally got the nerve to post in Jan 2016. Because I was originally just going to write for me because I needed it. And in that I was the most successful I have ever been in a creative endeavor. I was in a headspace barren of fucks and it was magically productive.The bulk became Red Crane. Over the december holidays I had an idea. and that too needed to have some substance at the base. And that was when I had ot think “do I want to start this epic muti fic project?” and I decided “fuck it, why not? no one is going to care but me and I need more rooms in the pillow fort.” I started Life-binder, because there was a story there too and I knew how it ended - I wrote the ending. but I needed to construct the beginning and to establish that solid base.And IN January I decided I had a buffer and momentum. and fuck it, I would post. I might be eaten alive by fandom, but mostly they probably would ignore me and my tiny ship. I set myself a goal - I would post at least once every 14 days if I couldn’t post once a week. and for the duration of Red Crane I met that goal, save for the final two chapters - one because they were large and two, because I needed to start Spell-Weaver at the same time.

The repercussions of deciding to write are... large. I met a whole host of new friends because of it. Because of them and because of the strange therapeutic act of getting back to me being creative for myself I ended up being far more confident and I kicked an incredible amount of ass at work (which I was not really recognized for) and then had the bravery to take a chance and ended up landing a job at a very selective company I had always wished I could go to. I mean hell, even the writing practice was key in me moving onwards and upwards to a much healthier place.

I am 100% where I am right now in life because I decided to write Red Crane and get Jaina some goddamned therapy.