#I kinda have a bad habit of avoiding conflict but i feel like this is important

[bigshotspambot]

NEW HC sneo does not like pr0ship and requests that if you support that stuff, unfollow and Don’t interact with this blog Please because it makes me stressed out. I will have to block if it continues

AAAUUGRGGHHGghhg!gh! ! !! G GHH !!!!!! Thanks

[painted-bees]

I love it when you dive into the psyche stuff with Margie and Raf. I swear I learn something new about myself every time I read a post about them. It's nice that they're both very patient and supportive with each other and that their struggles overlap in a way that grants them more empathy than they might have had otherwise. That said I'm curious to know how they clash, if at all. Does either of them have symptoms that triggers or exasperates the other's symptoms? How do they manage it?

that makes me so happy, thank you ; 0; <3

aaa so, chiefly, the relationship between these two is built on a pretty fundamental feature of "'winning' a situation/conflict is not more important than my partner's well being"--In that, like, they're both very proactive in looking at their situation and assessing if they're responsible for aggravating the situation/provoking a response, and to what extent. So typically, once they realize a situation has gotten away on them, they're both able to take a pause and even physically separate for a hot moment if need be--and then try and figure out what happened, what can be done, and apologize in earnest for any misinterpretation or disproportionate responses, etc. It's usually both of them apologizing to each other after identifying out loud out their own missteps/contributions, and it's usually fine. So a 'big' emotionally charged conflict between them might last like...an hour at most before before it deescalates into more co-operative conversation. Because neither of them want to "win" the fight, they just wanna not be mad at each other and see the other person comfortable--which requires understanding why they're mad rather than leveraging the other's angry response as against them, etc.

Funnily enough, this kind of...conflict resolution style wasn't Raf's initiative (he tends to be a lot more reticent to admit wrongdoing and apologize, lest it be used against him...and he's got a really bad habit of tallying up transgressions in his head and letting those grudges inform him on how much leeway he's willing to give someone before he decides they're straight-up unlikable)--but rather, it's always been Margie's way of negotiating conflict. Probably because she grew up with a very autistic brother, and being able to step away/leave the situation, calm down, and then reconvene to communicate their exact feelings and what provoked those feelings (in a weirdly dispassionate/objective manner of collaborative analysis) was a pretty critical part of her good relationship with him--a solution that evolved organically between them. And, since it worked so well with her brother (and frequently with her parents as well, wherein she'd often be applauded for her show of 'emotional maturity' or whatever lmao), she tries to employ this method with everyone close to her. It doesn't always work out... Earlier in her relationship with Raf, she'd always be first to apologize for provoking certain reactions out of him. As well, she just...never gets angry in response to someone being angry with her. She's also maybe a little too quick to apologize sometimes, which initially would have rubbed Raf the wrong way as being kinda manipulative/insincere (which, it kind of is...but not in a manner employed to gain any kind of upper hand over him)--to which he would deliberately avoid apologizing in response. He'd drop it instead, and act like nothing was wrong in the first place...which (whether consciously or not) is a manipulation tactic of his own, designed to provoke some variation of a "well wait, you were wrong and you need to give me apology" response from her. Which, of course, never came lmao. If Raf says "whatever, it's fine", unless she is also frustrated with herself, she'll take his word at face value. (the same way she does for everyone). Eventually, this leads him to to carefully admit when he feels his reactions are disproportionate. And, after while of that consistently leading to no further aggravation, his short hand to her "Sorry, I didn't mean to/I didn't mean it like that!" becomes a simple "I know. Sorry I barked at you." The gradual comfort of being 'wrong' in those very tiny, low-stake situations is what gives him the confidence to risk admitting he may be "wrong" in bigger conflicts. If, at any point--even once, Margie had taken this vulnerability and wielded it against him in any situation, he'd never let himself 'fall for it' again. But that's yet to happen. Still, it feels disproportionately risky for him to admit out loud, in earnest, that he had any part to play in a misunderstanding or in the construction of a bad situation--Like turning your back on an enemy who is poised to stab you with a knife.

Raf generally tends to be agreeable in most situations, he's a well practiced diplomat despite his disordered outlook and interpretations of things. But--he is stubbornly unapologetic. He'll drop the topic, insist it's no big deal to him anyway, tell you it's fine, to never mind, do what you want, etc. But he won't tell you it's 'his bad' or that he's sorry about anything. And if you don't meet him where's he's at with that then, in his mind, you've become The Problem. Forever. However, his care for Margie and her wellbeing bolsters his conscious efforts to treat her well, even at risk to himself. He'd rather end up in a situation where she's proven to him beyond a shadow of doubt that she never really cared about him and has been using him this whole time--than end up in a situation where he becomes a traumatic ex; someone that hurts her to think about. Therapy helped him determine that, at least in this situation, misplacing his trust is marginally less injurious to him than misplacing his suspicions. But sometimes, it takes him a hot moment to remember this and respond accordingly. Sometimes, it takes him more than a hot moment. Margie's there when he does come around to it though. She has her clear lines in the sand and--though I don't doubt that he's come close in his most fearful moments--he's never crossed them. With that said, yeah--I dunno LOL Raf is clinically predisposed to believe that he is being taken advantage of, or that he will be taken advantage of by anyone, at any given time. Margie can become pretty careless when she is very enthusiastic/eager for something, and her forward momentum does sometimes steamroll right over his toes. It can be more than a little challenging for Raf to stay grounded and respond reasonably when Margie lets excited desire drive her blindly forward at mach speeds when he feels like he's being dragged behind her. Other times, she'll try to dig into why he responded a certain way before he's had time to process and compartmentalize it for himself, all because she feels badly and wants to figure things out with him so that they can both feel better about it. He's learned that this is easily resolved with a terse "I love you, but holy shit, give me some fucking space, please." Which--usually warrants its own apology but, yanno...she gets it. Margie can be very "go go go, this is exciting, this is so fun, this is all that matters right now!! Oof--ow, shit, I hit something, was that a speed bump??" and Raf is often very "wait, what? Wait what!? Wait, that's all that matters?! Wait, what??? Hit the fucking breaks, that speed bump was me and now I am fucking dying." and that's usually where most of their conflict/clashing occurs. Margie will feel disproportionately ashamed/embarrassed/rejected, Raf will feel disproportionately slighted/put upon/mistreated. And if they didn't agree to talk to each other about it, with a shared, genuine desire to see each other in a state of comfort, their relationship probably couldn't thrive.

[ahamkara-apologist]

Okay I kinda get being dissapointed at how they rushed the Sov sibling reconcilliation with just one conversation after drawing it out for months but y'all...this really isn't the end-all-be-all of Crow's character arc, nor is it necessarily out of line for him. His biggest weakness is that he's a bleeding heart who lets people walk all over him- remember how he decided not to get revenge on Spider despite Spider very literally keeping him as a slave? Or how he killed a psion because he was too empathetic to a hive guardian? As much as I love him, and as much as his love is a terrifying force when weilded correctly, he's soft and weak. He always has been. He was bound to forgive Mara eventually, esp. since they have a psychic twin bond going on.

I think y'all are also forgetting the fact that Mara has had quite a bit of character development over the past year or so and has very notably been more open about her emotions and better about keeping herself out of Crow's life- because she got bitchslapped by the reality of what she'd done to him in Season of the Lost and then got shaken to the core by her confrontation with the Witness in Witch Queen. She hasn't been 'defanged', she realized that the way she was acting qualified her to be a Disciple (aka the worst of the worst, the enemy she'd been hellbent on fighting this whole time) and that in tandem with Crow's rejection upset her deeply enough for her to change her behavior, which hasn't been as apparent until now. Idk how y'all can forgive how Uldren Sov slaughtered hundreds of Awoken citizens and wreaked havoc on the Reef but is changed as Crow without also acknowledging the fact that Mara herself changed as well. It's not as dramatic of a difference because it happened more gradually and without intervention from a Taken Ahamkara and the Traveller, but its still there and is the most apparent its ever been right now. It wouldn't surprise me if the reason why Crow is forgiving her now- apart from the fact that he's a softie and discounting potential Riven bullshit- is because she's proven she's changed by both keeping her distance and being more emotionally open with him, as well as open about how she knows she fucked up. That's the second thing Uldren wanted other than her approval, after all.

Also, it's been like, 2 years of Crow being pissed at Mara and avoiding her, so them starting to make up now is kinda necessary even if it feels a bit rushed. I personally would have loved to see more snark and nettling from Crow's end, bc I love conflict and sibling angst, but it really isn't out of character nor is it throwing away Crow's character arc. It would have if Mara hadn't changed, but she has. And while I myself love storylines where victims don't need to forgive their abusers and can exert their wrath upon them as they wish, the fact of the matter is that how such a situation needs to be dealt with varies immensely on a person-to-person basis, which the writing team has already proven they're capable of understanding. Just look at Calus's and Caiatl's relationship! That ended with no reconcilliation because Calus simply refused to change, while Mara has spent the past year trying to get Crow to feel comfortable with her as an equal in conversations and open up to him more and trying to break her habit of watching him like a hawk- aka, acting like an actual sister rather than the pseudo-mother figure she'd picked up from Osanna. Ofc Crow the softie is going to respond to that, esp. since he's got a psychic connection to her via Awoken Twin Magic and seems to have been walking Uldren's memories as of late. He just genuinely is really fucking bad at holding a grudge.

(And while its easy to go 'oh the writing is lazy and rushed', I also think its kinda sus that Riven specifically talks about the human wish to reconnect with family right after the Sov sibling talk happens. It wouldn't surprise me if she picked up on Mara's desire to reconnect with her brother and pushed Crow towards forgiving her. It seems like she's been trying to pull Uldren's memories to the forefront everytime she talks with him and that could be a big factor as to why he's been reflecting on them a lot recently)

[hwnglx]

Can you do the members of BTS as a person?

bts as a person based on tarot, take it with a grain of salt

jin sagittarius sun aries moon

pagofwrx&8ofprx, world, 2ofw, hieroph&8ofc, magic

+ jin is a very outgoing, active and fun soul who lives life to the fullest. he's a true rebel in his nature and doesn't like sticking to the rulebook. someone who lives by his own strong principles and has secure beliefs. his positive and bubbly energy is very contagious, which makes him a born to be entertainer who will always have the people around him laughing. not only is he very eager to constantly seek for new experiences, but he also is someone who has knowledge and philosophy in his blood. someone wise and intelligent you can discuss life with for hours.

- jin can easily get too restless. his moon in aries also gives him an ego in a way where he can sometimes get too ahead of himself and forget he still has a lot to learn in life. both his sun and his moon being in fire just gives him a huge amount of energy and bluntness, that can easily get too overwhelming for more sensitive and softer people. though he's a naturally friendly person, he has a temper and an ego as well. so once you manage to anger this man, it'll scare you how explosive he can get.

yoongi pisces sun virgo moon

10ofw, 5ofp, 8ofp, hangm, pagofw, kingofw, 2ofsw, pagofc

+ yoongi is an incredibly sensitive, warm and passionate person who experiences the world in a very deep manner. he's someone intuitive with a great amount of empathy for those around him and a sincerely kind heart. his attention to detail and very perfectionistic plus humble nature makes him an extremely hard worker, who won't stop putting in continuous effort until he achieves his goals. creativity runs through his blood and makes him very artistic. he's someone born for this job, who's very comfortable and feels relieved by expressing his deep inner world through art.

- it's just way too easy for yoongi to be hard on himself. the perfectionistic nature i just mentioned can make him so overly self-critical, that he can quickly overburden himself with work and take on way more than he can handle, just to satisfy himself. like i can really just feel his struggle in this regard while reading. he's very strict on himself. his deep sensitivity and dislike of conflict can also lead to him being more of an escapist, someone who avoids external negativity and bad influences at all costs in order to protect himself and his more idealistic outlook on the world.

hobi aquarius sun taurus moon

tower+6ofsw, 5ofsw, queofp, 9ofp, devil+aceofprx

+ hobi is a freedom-loving, independent and individualistic character with a gentle and loyal nature and kind heart. he has this natural ability to see the good in people and understand their perspective, which gives him a very pleasant and agreeable aura. someone most people would be incapable of disliking. he's very stable, practical and grounded. a person who doesn't enjoy conflict and is good at solving problems that might seem hopeless to others, with his diplomatic and generous nature. he really has one of the best energies in bts, imo. very warm-hearted and fun-loving, but also capable of being rational and serious when he needs to be.

- he is the type of person who's very fixed in his ways and can often struggle changing some possibly toxic habits of his. aquarius are very "my way" kinda people who just love doing things differently than others, while taurus people are one of the most stubborn signs existent. that combo makes hobi a guy who will be overly individualistic in a way where he just won't hear your opinion and do things the way he thinks it's right. also, despite coming across as a tough person, he can be quite sensitive on the inside and sometimes get easily overwhelmed or stressed with certain tasks or situations.

namjoon virgo sun sagittarius moon

highpr, kingofc&3ofp, 7ofw+queofp. kingofp+char

+ namjoon is an extremely smart and wise person, with a huge amount of inner knowledge and maturity. like, this is definitely the most impressed i've been till now from a personality spread. this man was absolutely made for the leader role, with the way he's an incredibly emotionally intelligent and stable person, especially in regards to his group. he seems extremely protective of the career they've been able to build for themselves and is a very driven and ambitious guy who basically has being a business-man in his blood. it's like he doesn't know anything else, really. very career-oriented, dependable and reliable, but also compassionate and loyal to his bandmates. someone who has a good understanding of the industry and is a great teacher with a lot of valuable advice to give.

- he definitely seems like he can be a bit too uptight sometimes and have his standards and principles set too high. especially with his perfectionistic and idealistic virgo sun, he has the tendency to always expect nothing but perfection. although his lighter sagittarius moon can balance that side out, i do see him just getting too strict, not only with others, but also himself. all he has in mind is business, it seems. so, although he is a very understanding guy, there might be a tendency in him to invalidate moodier people's emotions once they get in the way of work.

jimin libra sun gemini moon

devil&2ofp, 4ofc, 9ofw+char, 4ofw, knofw, lovers

+ jimin is a natural people-pleaser who knows how to flirt and charm people out of their minds. his combo of a libra sun and gemini moon makes him an incredibly smooth and eloquent talker who really knows his way with words. like, he'll probably be able to somehow convince you the earth is flat. he's someone passionate who has love for thrills and knows how to have a good time when the situation calls for it. he really enjoys being around people who make him feel good in his skin, and is the type of person who can easily light up a room with his presence only. someone whose excitable aura really makes the environment comfortable for anybody he's with.

- oh, he can definitely have a scary duality, in a way where he'll probably only be this sweet and ever-smiling prince charming if he thinks that you can serve him in some kind. there is this big avoidance of emotions on his part, where he can prefer staying superficial in his connections and therefore easily switch to a more detached and colder attitude. if he feels you aren't doing it for him, which can happen pretty easily, he'll just act indifferent towards you. despite this tendency, he himself can actually get hurt pretty easily by other people's words. he likes being flattered more than anything else, so once someone critizes him, it affects him a lot.

taehyung capricorn sun aries moon

3ofp, queofsw, aceofw, emper&8ofsw

+ taehyung is a person who carries a colder and more detached exterior, but is always burning with incredible ambition, passion and desire on the inside. though his capricorn sun gives him a structured, reserved, responsible and dependable character, his fiery aries moon also makes him very competitive and driven. he's the type of person who knows how to work with other people in order to achieve what he so desperately wants. since there's pretty much no end to his desire, he's an extremely determined person who finds fulfillment in achievement and is always seeking ways to succeed more and more. he approaches his tasks with a serious and clear mindset, and can be a great rolemodel for the people around him. someone very inspiring to watch.

- his intense greed to succeed and constant need for structure can stand in his own way sometimes and limit him in many ways. taehyung can easily become too self-centered and sometimes even ungrateful when he gets too stressed out. despite him seeming so calm at all times, he definitely can have his issues with anger once he's fired up as well. maybe getting even scarier due to his usually composed vibe, he can quickly lose control over his temper if things don't go as smoothly or efficiently as he'd like. there's an incredibly unpredictable quality to him that can get overwhelming for people of softer nature.

jungkook virgo sun leo moon

5ofsw&judg, 10ofc, kingofsw, fool

+ jungkook is a huge perfectionist, in many ways. he has a strong sense of duty and a naturally righteous character with well-established values and principles. his leo moon also makes him very compassionate and incredibly charming and gives him a very strong presence that easily turns heads wherever he goes. this combination of just being a polite and tactful guy who knows what's right and what's wrong, but also having a very warm, supportive and loving side to him, attracts people to jungkook a lot. he also can have a surprisingly innocent-seeming and almost childlike side to him, which gives him a sweet and likable quality. although he can come off very confident at times, his perfectionistic and overly self-critical nature always makes him willing to work hard on himself.

- this man is sooo critical of himself, it's insane. it's extremely easy for him to be dissatisfied with not only with himself, but also with his life in general. he's continuously striving for perfection, which basically sets him up for disappointment all the time. it's not easy for him to really feel fulfilled due to that nature. i also get this ever-lasting naivety in him. in a way where i feel like he might always see the positive in people, only to deeply feel the betrayal after finding out they weren't as good as they seemed. jungkook is very mature and strong on the one hand, but can also have his sensitive and softer sides, that come out especially much when he's feeling stressed or defeated. mostly out of not having been able to meet his own standards, in whatever life matter it might be - work or romance.

[fourmula1]

generally unprotected sex 0-3 months after you switch birth control is discouraged because your body hasn’t regulated yet so an angsty au idea where Daniel’s finally working through his depression, finally wants Max again, and then they have a pregnancy scare? They’re both super emotional and conflicted because on one hand baby (culmination of their desire and future plans) but they are also so relieved that Daniel isn’t pregnant because they aren’t ready for a baby right now.

depressed omega daniel universe. 2,004 words.

-

The thing is.

The thing is that Daniel’s scared.

And then surprised, and then kind of proud of himself for having a feeling. A few feelings. Scared. Surprised. Proud. He hasn’t done that in awhile.

But he’s been feeling other things, lately, too, and those things are physical and scary. Nausea. Intense hunger he hasn’t felt in ages. Tenderness in his chest.

He’s been avoiding dealing with it for a few weeks now but Daniel suspects the worst.

And then feels bad all over again for thinking that being pregnant would be ‘the worst’.

He and Max have talked a lot about wanting pups some day; about how they both want to be dads and have a few kids running around and even talked about names they’d like and…

It’s just.

He can’t have a baby right now. Daniel can barely take care of his own self at this point and he knows things are getting better, kinda, a little bit, but he can’t have a baby. He can’t. He can’t stop taking his antidepressants because he’s only just sort of getting back on track to being somewhat of a person again. There’s no way Daniel can manage a whole pregnancy right now, but. He can’t really deny his symptoms he’s experiencing.

He'd asked Michael to pick up a pregnancy test with the usual groceries and supplements he brings over for training, and sworn Michael to secrecy, and felt a little shame at the look Michael had given him. He knows he’s in no state to be having a pup.

“I’m on birth control,” he’d said, sat at the kitchen breakfast nook where he’d been finishing up the smoothie Michael had made him. “I don’t know. There’s those rare times when people get pregnant aren’t there?”

“But this is a new one, isn’t it?” Michael asked, because he knew – had to know – the ins and outs of Daniel’s body and medications and nutrition at all times.

Daniel had looked up at Michael from his smoothie, eyebrows knitting together in a little frown.

“Danny, it can take a few months for the new ones to be as effective as what you stopped taking,” Michael had explained and Daniel’s heart had plummeted into his stomach.

He’d been so stupid. So happy that he’d finally had a sex drive again, so eager to re-affirm his and Max’s bond again, so pleased to finally be knotted by his alpha again. They hadn’t been having a ton of sex – not back up to their pre-depression levels – but enough that that, plus the risk of his new birth control… apparently a recipe for disaster.

Sighing, Daniel hides the pregnancy test away in the bathroom cabinet for later. For now, he has to face Max.

Daniel goes out to the bedroom where Max was sat up in bed on his phone, having not yet got up for the day. Brad knows better than to hit Max up for training before 11am. Daniel’s always been an early morning kind of guy.

“Hi,” he says as he climbs back into their bed to sit, criss-cross, facing Max. “I gotta tell you something,” Daniel finishes, tugging his hoodie sleeves down over his hands, a nervous habit. Max looks up at him, curious, phone set aside onto the bedside table in an instant.

“Are you okay?” He asks, because of course he does. Max is the most attentive and wonderful alpha Daniel’s ever known. Daniel can see the way Max’s nostrils flare a little, taking in Daniel’s scent.

“I think I might be pregnant,” Daniel says, just getting it over with and out there. His heart pounds as he watches Max’s face go through what seems like a million stages of emotion. Confusion, shock, surprise, fear.

“What? No. How?” Max asks, sitting up in bed a little straighter now, shifting to reach over for one of Daniel’s hands. “You’re… you take your pill every night, I see you do it,” he says, and he’s not wrong. They brush their teeth together for bed, and then Daniel takes his antidepressant and his birth control while Max rinses his toothbrush out. Routine practically set in stone.

Daniel sighs, nods his head a little and squeezes Max’s hand in his own.

“I think we were a little stupid,” Daniel says with a frown. “I should have been more careful. Just. It can take awhile for a new kind of birth control to be, like, effective, I guess. I feel like I should have known that. But. I was just really happy to feel like I wanted you again… and, maybe. I guess we fucked up,” Daniel sighs, dropping his gaze to where he’s holding Max’s hand in his lap.

Max is quiet across from him, no doubt processing the information. He knows this isn’t Max’s fault. What do alphas know about birth control and omega bodies? Daniel was too caught up in the excitement – and feeling the excitement – of having a sex drive again and now, this.

“But you don’t know, for sure?” Max asks quietly, and Daniel looks up at him again.

“No, but I feel… I’ve been nauseous and really hungry lately. And my chest hurts and I think I’m… my chest is bigger, I dunno. I have a test to take,” Daniel says with a little shrug. “Maybe I should have taken it first to be sure before even talking to you, I just,” he pauses, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Hey, no,” Max says as he moves to get closer, tugs Daniel into a hug and nuzzles into his neck. “You of course should tell me everything you want to any time,” Max tells him and Daniel feels a little bit calmer with the way Max scents him.

He pulls back after a moment and finds his resolve to go actually take the test, but not before stealing a kiss from Max before he heads to the bathroom to find out for sure.

-

In bed, Max watches the bathroom door close and lets himself sag back into the pillows, hands running over his face as he lets out a slow breath.

This is so not the time.

Max hates himself for thinking it because they both know how badly he wants Daniel’s pups. He’s made it so clear to Daniel that he wants to give Daniel lots of babies and raise them to be so happy and free to choose their paths, to be little family full of love and so much happiness.

But Daniel’s only barely getting out of bed in the mornings by himself these days. It’s only been recently that he or Michael haven’t had to literally make him get up and function almost like a person.

Daniel’s been better. He’s been so much better. But he’s not… he’s nowhere near where either of them would ideally want to be to have a pup.

Max sighs again and hates himself for the tiny bit of hope he has that Daniel isn’t pregnant.

He’d noticed that Daniel was actually eating more lately, and not being made to do it. Honestly Max just thought Daniel was finally gaining some weight again and he’d noticed the changes – Daniel’s chest and abs filling out a bit more, but he’d been eating! He’d been too skinny and now he was filling out a bit and Max had thought nothing of it, only good things.

If Daniel is pregnant Max can only imagine one option, as much as it pains him to consider. But he knows his mate, and he knows Daniel would have to do what’s best for him and his health right now.

Max gets out of bed pads to the bathroom door, knocks softly and leans his forehead against it.

“Can I come in?” He asks quietly, knowing Daniel might want his space for this.

“Just a sec,” Daniel answers and Max listens to the sounds of Daniel washing his hands and puttering – killing time – before Daniel finally opens the door. He can’t help but to immediately lock his eyes on the pregnancy test sitting on the counter, waiting for them.

“You smell upset,” He says, easily picking up on the sharp tang of Daniel’s scent. “I should have probably noticed earlier but I just thought you were getting back to normal. You smelled so much like you again and it made me so happy Daniel. I of course should have realized that maybe it was something else,” Max says with a frown, disappointed in himself for not picking up that maybe Daniel’s change in his scent was pregnancy. Alphas are supposed to be able to tell.

“I’m just scared,” Daniel tells him, steps back to let Max come into the bathroom. Daniel leans up against the counter while Max sits on the edge of the tub. “I feel like I fucked up so badly and if I’m pregnant I… you know we can’t…”

“I know,” Max acquiesces. “You know whatever you choose I’ll support you,” he says, and he means it. As hard as it would be, as much as he would – does – want this pup, this is not their time.

Daniel’s about to respond before his phone trills on the bathroom counter, no doubt an alarm he’d set when it was time to look at the results of the test he took. He silences the alarm and looks back at Max, and Max can see the fear on his face.

“Let me do it,” Max says as he gets up from where he was perched on the edge of the tub. He crosses the bathroom and grabs the test off the counter before Daniel can protest.

Max holds the little test in his hand and tries not to think about how this moment could change the course of their entire lives. He looks up at Daniel who’s leaning his hip against the counter and looking back at him.

Max takes a little breath and finally lifts his hand, looks down at the little screen before his eyes. Nothing in this life could have prepared him for the immense wave of utter relief he feels at reading the little digital ‘NOT PREGNANT’.

“It’s negative,” he says, barely, before Daniel’s snatched the pregnancy test from his hands to look for himself.

Not pregnant. Daniel is not pregnant. They’re not going to have a pup.

Not now, anyway. Not now.

“Oh my god,” Daniel breathes, test clattering to the bathroom counter before Daniel tosses his arms around Max’s neck. Max pulls him close, cuddles his perfect omega into his arms and presses a kiss to Daniel’s mating mark. He’d been right, after all. Daniel wasn’t pregnant. Daniel was just getting healthier. Gaining weight. Eating. Feeling better.

“It’s okay,” Max breathes, squeezing Daniel close when Daniel shudders a sob into his shoulder. “It’s okay, Daniel.”

Max can smell Daniel’s relief, can sense the confusion they both feel at being so relieved and yet sad at the same time. He knows they both want pups, one day. But he’s relieved it isn’t today.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Daniel says when he pulls back again, Max watching as he wipes his eyes. “I should have just done this before telling you anything,” he says and Max’s heart clenches.

“I want you to tell me everything,” he says, because he knows what it’s like to be with a Daniel who hides how he really feels, and he knows that it’s scary. “We’ll have pups when we’re ready, okay? I would hate it if you had to make such a hard choice right now about to keep it or not. I’m glad you don’t have to, Daniel,” he tells his mate, cups Daniel’s cheeks to look at his big, sad brown eyes.

“Okay,” Daniel agrees, and he accepts the kiss Max gives him easily before cuddling back into Max’s arms.

“Maybe tomorrow you can ask Michael to get us some condoms, hm?” Max asks with a smirk, and he’s grateful for the beautiful, truly missed, sound of Daniel’s laughter.

[padfootastic]

Ahaha thank you for the nice comments in tags <3 i love Remus but he seems bit like a spineless people pleaser and after dating somebody who would rather lie about their feelings than have people be mildly upset with them..... I chose violence 🗡

no but ur so right because!!! i’ve been sleeping on this for a while but let’s talk about remus’ personality traits and how they have the potential to make him a bad/absent partner, at best, and an abusive one, at worst. everyone wants to turn him into this image of perfection just bc he’s such an ‘uwu victim’ figure in fanon but that’s SO far from the truth omg

(i am…just gonna put this remus character analysis under a cut bc it got unnecessarily long and i wouldn’t want u to read it if u didn’t want to lol)

so, for one, he’s manipulative. he has no combinations in twisting the truth or dodging it entirely for his own benefit. like, the man could stand in front of his dead best friend’s orphaned son & not even allude to the fact that he knew his dad. he had no problem bringing james & lily up in the most twisted ways possible to guilt/emotionally influence harry. so remus in a relationship would have the capacity to either knowingly or unknowingly manipulate his partner. the definition of gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss except more sinister.

next, his spinelessness. either as a defensive measure to deal w anti-werewolf hostility or as an innate personality trait, remus has the habit of just—not standing up for things. he looks away when his friends act like assholes, even when he’s in a position of authority (which yes, u can argue that he’s afraid of losing them but atp they’ve literally risked life & magic & azkaban for him so either way, he comes off badly—either he doesn’t mind himself, or he doesn’t fully trust their friendship, or it’s just easier to look away). in a relationship, this can manifest as bottling everything inside u until it makes u bitter or u violently unload on the other person in an entirely disproportionate manner. the dynamic would also be a bit skewed. the people pleasing u mentioned is also such a big thing that people usually overlook. when ur constantly trying to make the other person happy and don’t want to rock the boat, that is a cocktail for miscommunication and breakdown of relationships. ur also constantly putting the emotional burden of constructively dealing w issues on ur partner instead of doing it urself.

connected to his cowardice is his habit of running away when things get tough. remus is conflict avoidant; he does not like to put himself in a position where he has to take a decisive stance, especially if it’s against what others around him believe in. he runs away when things get tough, and tbh, for me, this comes from a constant spiral of self hatred & self victimisation, both of which stem from his experience as a werewolf. in every difficult situation, he centres himself & his discomfort and instead of dealing with it and moving forward for a constructive solution, he decides that stepping back from it altogether is better. which, yeah, works well for him bc he can temporarily put a pin in it but it’s kinda terrible for everyone’s who’s left behind. so i also think that remus is a profoundly selfish character who doesn’t look beyond the end of his own nose. u can imagine how those traits might manifest themselves in a relationship.

and his people pleasing!! so this might be verging on fanon but his gratitude and/or devotion to dumbledore sets an…interesting tone. it’s also another example of how he cannot conceive himself in any other term except as a victimised werewolf. the marauders did a lot for him, arguably even more than dumbledore’s token representation formula, but he never felt indebted to them the way he did for D. dumbledore also kind of makes him feel needed? validates his feelings? and that just speaks to a very twisted sense of self for me. which, again, won’t bode well for his other interpersonal relations.

also, on a very hc note, i also feel like remus just…does not have any significant capacity to love. he takes and takes and takes but doesn’t give much in return. this doesn’t even have to be an actively malicious decision, tbh, just a very self-centred one. he doesn’t realise how much he’s taking bc he’s only thinking about his own circumstances.

all of these are also just why i can’t see r/s working out in any healthy manner. remus is exactly antithetical to everything sirius is/believes in, and not even in the fun ‘opposites attract’ way. but that’s another rant no one asked for lmao

[marshmallowprotection]

That might be an odd request, how do you think Saeray would spend time in his bad day? Like Let's say that his is back from the job or errands, he is tired, maybe kinda annoyed ofc nothing extrime but MC is bact kin 2-3 hours from now.

I guess he might go gardening, but do you have any other ideas?

A bad day for GE Saeran? Well, he's no stranger to a bad day. We've all experienced them and even he is going to have them every now and again. Bad days were difficult for him in the past because there wasn't a way for him to know how to cope with it. He didn't have any tools or people to turn to in his time of need.

He had to throw a dozen darts at the wall and second-guess himself until something stuck. It gave him a lot of habits that he's trying to work to undo. He's in therapy so he's learning how to deal with that, but being medicated and having a safe spot to turn to won't remove bad days. Everyone gets them. You have to learn how to adapt to that and take what you can out of the bad to get through the worst of the bad day. That's a different story for everyone.

His anger is the one thing he's been working to let go of. But, he can't hide that. He can change how he confronts it but he still feels it. He's just determined to learn healthier ways to confront anger and disdain instead of lashing outward or inward. It's tough but he's learning and it means a lot to him if you notice that. He gets irritated on his decent days and irritable on the worst days. Yet, he decides to get busy with his hands.

If he's busy working on something, he won't have time to get angry. He'll have time to set aside his frustration and come back to it when he's ready. It has the feeling to it like when you have an argument with somebody and take some time apart to think about why you were upset, and the best way to confront the conversation between the two of you in the right way.

He's not avoiding the conflict of the problem. He's taking some time to think about himself and that's better for him. It's easier to digest what he's feeling in chunks than it is to deal with it all at once. It's important to make a note of that because some people think that if you push yourself into doing something else after you get frustrated, that means that you're trying to avoid it. He's not avoiding them.

He's making the educated decision to step away from something so that he can clear his mind and think about the best way to phrase himself. They say never go to bed angry and to always clear your mind before then, but that's not always the case. Sometimes what you really need to do is step away and reassess the situation from a different angle. 

This is all situational and circumstantial. it largely depends on what was getting him worked up in the first place. So, for minor things that get him worked up as opposed to major things, he handles them in a bit of a different way. If it's not something that he has to work out with you or somebody else, and it's just a problem with something that triggered him or bothered him, there's a different methodology. 

He spends his time thinking about what got him worked up and what would be the best way to handle it in the future. You can't always avoid the things that make you uncomfortable but you can adapt to the situation to find a better way to protect yourself from those things.

So, depending on what got him upset in the first place is going to direct his thoughts. So, for something as little as a minor irritation like you mentioned, it's not going to be a big deal where he needs to reassess how he interacts with the world around him. 

It's more likely that he's going to return to a hobby that he enjoys to cool off for a little bit and then figure out why he was frustrated in the first place. How can he handle that in the future? What is the best way to confront the things that he is dealing with? Is this something that he's going to need help with in the future? Is this something that he can do by himself? There are a lot of thoughts that go into this sort of thing. He wouldn't want to talk to you about it until he's sure of how to describe what it is. He doesn't want to come to you confused about what he's feeling without knowing a word to at least describe it. 

So, for him, that's going to be different hobbies that he's picked up along the way. Gardening is the most obvious one because that's his go-to thing. Baking is another hobby that he likes to pick up when he needs to clear his mind. There are definitely a few others that get mixed up in there that he likes and continues to work at. You might catch him in the process of trying to sort out his feelings while he's doing this, and it's okay to approach him but he'll let you know if he needs time to be alone or not. That's healthy communication, folks.

[kendrixtermina]

The „passions“ as specific experiences

I hadn’t put these on tumblr & it occurred to me that I probably should

After consuming a lot of books, videos, first-hand accounts etc, I’ve come to the conclusions that the „passions“ are in fact rather specific combinations of thoughts & emotions than in theory anyone could experience, but which the types for whom it’s the main issue experience quite powerfully & get chased about the landscape by.

Perhaps it’s better let’s use the term „lower emotional habits“ to get away from judgy religion sin talk. nowadays a lot of therapists like to use labels like "counterproductive" or "unhelpful" to avoid ppl internalizing anything in a judgy way.

Now I love a good cardinal vices gimmick & we could have a nice long interesting talk about how the trope has been taken up in Japanese media & there interacting with the cultural background of buddhism, but I think in this case Ichazo’s desire to fit his list of observed „chief features“ (which he derives from simply sorting ppl by what annoys them the most; it will surprise no one to learn that he was an 8...) trying to fit it into the gimmick created a bit of confusion potential like you always gotta explain that „oh, its meant in the old english or latin sense of the term“.

Plus my inner pedantic art critic is a bit salty that they didn’t think to use Despair (the 8th deadly sin in orthodox christianity) for the 6 to complete the set of slightly confusing terms.

So I’m thinking, let’s get some specificity in here & try to compile what it actually, concretely is based on experience reports, just for specificity’s sake & to perhaps help ppl with their self-observation.

1 – frustration with things not being how they should or could be. Some are actually pretty conscious about how this motivates them to work hard & always do better, but it can also turn to stress & resentment or being aggrieved that reality isnt utopic

2 – that hit of gratification when someone says „Wow, I couldn’t have done it without you.“ Not that unlike with the 3, this isn’t just about good regard in general, but about having special significance to particular ppl. being tempted by the idea of being "indispensable"

3 – ppl report rather strong gratification when they’re admired/ praised, but also that they can be too focussed on what they „should“ be feeling/performing in such a situation that little attention is left over for their actual feelings or preferences.

4 – negative comparison. But not just or not necessarily of the self with others, but also general ‚if only…‘ scenarios, wishing things had gone differently, lamenting past losses, imagining better alternate scenarios, or even just against ones own idea of how one should be.

5 – the kneejerk refusal. That sometimes quite hostile ‚eugh, no!‘ kinda feeling when you’re suddenly talked at, asked to participate in something or even contemplating a task that you „have“ to do. Sometimes there’s a spike of dread, like ‚oh no what will I have to do now?!‘ or ‚It‘s too much, I can’t.‘

6 – that thing where as soon as you get settled on an idea, or encounter the slightest sugestion of another possibility, you immediately go ‚...but what if I‘m mistaken??‘ or ‚...what if it all goes wrong?‘ and the building anxious charge that sometimes comes with it.

7 – It’s a thought pattern where you just *must* have or do this one additional thing & feel like if you did have it then you’d finally be happy – but often you may just start craving the next thing. The LaHue guy has a very evocative video on this where he describes it as almost like the world curving and all paths twisting towards whatever Must Be Had. Implicit here is some anxious assumption that if you didnt get it that would be really bad.

8 – A tendency to amp up the intensity when encountering obstacles or opposition to one’s pursuit of pleasure and goals, be it interpersonal conflict or just „conquerring“ the stains on the floor. The difference to the 7 thing is that the 7 would be content if the nice things just fell in their mouth whereas for the 8 there’s some ‚thrill of the chase‘, anxiety or anger or even pain gets registered as positive excitement, so it has almost a little bit of a self-destructive component. What is being craved is not just gratification, but a sense of triumphing over obstacles.

9 – this is one of the harder ones to grasp, cause it’s less ‚active‘ in a sense. It’s when you’re thinking of doing something for your own development, like going after a goal, stating an opinion, drawing attention etc. and at the first serious obstacle you’re like, ‚ah, screw it, it‘s not really worth it’. Not worth the effort or the ruffled feathers or the discomfort in thinking about it, or whatever it is.

Yeah it’s not being lazy and it’s not „avoiding instrospection“ either – though it might be avoiding thinking about particular things that are to do with your goals, impulses and wishes and have discomfort associated.

What I find really interesting is how some types are built around chasing highs whereas others are rather structured around reacting to something unpleasant.

Note also that for the impulse types its a response to an obstacle to your will, for the feeling types its to do with self-evaluation, and for the mental types there’s a quality of tension to it, of fearing a bad consequence.

Like, for example, the 9 one - Of the common analogies inertia is probably the best, like a little rock rolling back into the valley if it wasnt pushed with enough force to overcome the hill.

The 1 will just stubbornly keep rolling gravity be damned and will argue that the stupid hill shouldn’t be there, the 8 will push the rock extra hard on the second attempt and send it flying…. Seeing the structure yet? Its really cool… even if it a map of what’s ruining our lives.

You can derive the triadic characteristics from this, 9 gives up but also tries to be ok with its current situation, 8 goes boom! But pursues what it wants…

Or with the heart types – 2 is chasing a feeling of positive self-evaluation (& trying to get it from others), 3 is proactively assuming a particular way of being evaluated that works for the situation, 4 is reacting to a negative self-evaluaton.

My latest attempt to get control of my life consists of mentally labelling the voice that says „No, no, I dont wanna, fuck you“ as my Inner Goblin and as the one that’s like „I can’t! I can’t! It’s too much!“ as the Inner Victorian Maiden in an attempt to maybe take them less seriously or remind myself inerrogate the soundness of their claims. They’re very persuasive sometimes tho, it can feel like a survival threat, this is all pretty deep-rooted automatic shit.

If it was wholly illusory, it would be too easy – sometimes I really don’t wanna or really can’t, so the trick is in distinguishing rather than kneejerk defaulting.

Same goes for the others, probably – enjoying being praised, for example, isn’t always bad. If you got it fairly & didn’t twist yourself into no painful contortions to get it, why shouldn’t you enjoy it?

So there’s the complicatedness.

[vaugarde]

👻💥🌙🔪🔥 💖 for valerie!!

WAHHHH TY HON

👻 GHOST - do they believe in ghosts? what are their "ghostly experiences", if any?

Oh she totally does believe in them. She thinks ghosts roam the world after death or so and she doesn't think they're harmful because "they probably cant touch anything". She mostly just feels bad for them. She's never had any "ghostly experiences" though

(I know you know this but as a refresher, there are literal ghosts that are wandering spirits and then ghost pokemon like Haunter. Some ghost pokemon are spirits that persisted so strongly after death that they reincarnated into ghost pokemon, like Bates and Spectra and Hisuian Zorua. so arguably most people know that literal ghosts are real because of this? but its rare to actually see it happen and the majority of ghost pokemon hatch from eggs, so the line is kinda blurry.)

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

Anger 100%. Also guilt. Valerie is someone who constantly blames herself when she's in a conflict, even when the other party is blatantly in the wrong. She holds herself responsible for other people's feelings and feels guilty when they aren't "feeling good" because of her. This is partly because of Marlow and partly because of relationships she had that fell apart. So she's got a horrible backbone and avoids conflict whenever she can, trying to resort to quieter, more sneaky means if she has to. She did this a lot with Marlow growing up- he never verbally abused her or anything, but he does have moments where he snaps at her when things get overwhelming for him. He always apologizes and these are infrequent and far in between, but they do leave a mark, so when Valerie wants to do something she thinks he may not approve of, she'll either not do it at all or make some attempt behind his back.

Because of all this, she swallows her anger and tries desperately to never show it. She thinks getting angry will make her a bad person and "just as bad or worse than the one who hurt her". She bites her tongue when others are rude to her and never asks for an apology or anything because she just doesn't want the argument. She discourages anyone from speaking up on her behalf because "she doesn't want to start anything". Everything will be fine as long as she just stays quiet and takes everything... right?

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

She wants to travel around the world and see all the great landmarks, and become a top performer at the same time to spread joy to the rest of the world with her performances. Buuuut she's not willing to go that far for it since Marlow prefers to keep her in Serenade Falls where everything is safe and familiar, and she doesn't like to speak up against him... Once she gets taken outside of her universe, though, and over the terror of it all, she's excited about getting to explore Ultra Space.

🔪 KNIFE - how do they react to injury / misfortune befalling their loved ones (significant other, family, friends)? do they put themselves at blame?

Oh you BET she blames herself. As I said before she tends to handle conflict really badly, so when she's around to witness a fight she'll try her hardest to avoid or stop it. She punishes herself for any injuries her friends get because of her "negligence". She has the fawn response all the way where she won't exactly leave them but she'll try to overcompensate in trying to heal them to ease her own guilt. If it wasn't a result of a fight and they just fell down some stairs or something, she still hovers over them trying to heal them and feels terrible, but she takes it the worst when its fight-related.

🔥 FIRE - do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?

*Gestures to everything I've said so far* She gets some serious self loathing when any sort of conflict happens. In general she never prioritizes herself and will constantly try to help others even at her own detriment or when she needs rest.

💖 SPARKLING HEART - are they a subtle or a showy lover?

Definitely showy!! She's shy when she first gets a crush and all but when she's officially in a relationship, she likes to shower that person with physical affection and gifts and compliments. PDA all the way too. It's kind of funny because Asha is not showy at all until they get home and even then they're definitely more reserved LOL

[flannelshirtandjeans]

H Q U for Wyatt?

Thank you! Finally answering these omg

H: Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Wyatt THRIVES on physical touch and hugs and cuddles in particular, and will happily hug or be hugged all day long - but is mindful of other people maybe not liking it as much as he does. Getting a hug from his is warm and solid and tight without being crushing, and often comes with twirling or rocking. But honestly it most often also happens that he will kinda nudge himself into YOUR arms to be hugged and held or cuddled, much like a pet that wants to curl up under your arm and against your side.

Q: Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about their partner? Do they remember every little detail they mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers the important things, or the things that he finds important to remember (or knows are important to his partner). He writes some of it down if he has trouble remembering, keeps a little list on his phone because he WANTS to remember!

U: U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Has to watch his vices and problem behaviors lest they go south real fast, especially with things like alcohol and getting drunk when feeling bad, or disordered eating during his ballet years especially, or using brutal workouts to escape his feelings. The. The things are the bad habits, not the trying to avoid them. XD

Can get snippy and cranky when tired or generally overstimulated, and doesn't always realize that it's happening and get himself the space and quiet he needs and ends up just being cranky on other people.

Can be polite and helpful and conflict-avoidant (with strangers and people who aren't his core family and friends) to his own detriment and hold his tongue in situations where he wishes he would have spoken up and not avoided confrontation. I think if he'd grown up in a different environment or had different friends, he might be a very different guy in a very different situation because of this.

Forgetting himself in a bath or a shower and then being late for stuff because of it.

Overworking himself, especially during the ballet years and school. There's a kind of a perfectionism about him, wanting to do well and therefore working so very hard to achieve that. In ballet in particular he worked so hard because the odds were kinda stacked against him even though his school and company were, at least on surface level, more diverse and lenient about what they expected their dancers to look like. He knew that a lot of other companies out there were NOT.

A kind of a hermit outside of his core social circle

[chatonyant]

Me laying in bed and coming up with different ways to emotional stab my ocs

And sometimes physically too-

Some of the ideas are just angst for the sake of angst and end up kinda cringy woe is me type scenarios but at the same time they're a pretty fun launching pad for ideas for genuine conflict

Something something lati feeling isolated due to Opal and Vel distrusting them

Something something Angel spreading rumors to further ruin Lati's reputation

Like miscommunication and slander scenarios are fun, I just gotta figure out how to not make them too ooc or boring

How would each character react? How do they pull it off? What are pitfalls of the trope that I want to avoid? What leads up to the reaction of the person affected by this?

So Opal and Vel could be discussing Lati before Lati arrives. Maybe they're discussing how they don't trust this change in personality and are on edge waiting for the shoe to drop. But also thinking that this is happening some time after the start of the story and they've interacted quite a bit before this point. So maybe they're talking about this mistrust but also mentioning some habits Lati has that they've grown fond of somewhat. Like Vel mentioning Lati talks a lot about magic. Opal stating they really like sweets. They can see each other and know each other, so just saying it while seeing expressions can show their intent behind those statements. But what if Lati hears this? What if lati is at the door and listening to their hesitance in trusting them? What if they hear the worry and anxiety they hold? And they hear them say things like they talk a lot and they eat a lot of sweets during their meetings? Maybe this is a bit of a sore point already, maybe these traits were something that has been pointed out before but in a negative light.

The pitfall of that scenario I'd like to avoid is the person leaving before hearing everything. Would lati do that? No. They're someone who wants to know a lot. So they stand there and wait, but Vel and Opal have finished talking and is just chilling. So Lati waits and realizes that's it. They aren't missing anything. And when they enter the room, it's been long enough since the conversation that it doesn't feel like Lati had listened in.

General goal: lati, who had thought they were becoming friends with Vel and Opal, hears things that makes them think that they were the only one who thought they were becoming friends. Lati is hurt by that but generally does not show this but slowly begins taking an emotional step back and distancing themself.

The whole rumor thing is trickier I think. Lati isn't really someone who cares too much about what others think of them, only valuing the opinions of those they like (vel and opal), but on that note, vel and opal aren't people who's opinions are easily swayed. So what kind of rumors are spread and why would that affect lati?

General goal(?): lati being overwhelmed and just kinda feeling bad and hiding in the garden where they're found by opal and vel but badly? Maybe angel finds them first and they get into a verbal fight which lati loses and is framed to be a bully which some people including opal and vel stumble upon; lati, realizing they can't salvage this, turns and flees.

Fun things figured out while thinking about different angst: Lati probably hasn't had affectionate touch since they woke up

Their parents are distant, they have friends among servants, and they are aware that whoever they were before they woke up did not treat their younger sibling affectionately. Said younger sibling (oleander? Name pending) does not trust Lati but is slowly warming up and now the two eventually get to a point if "can I get closer or is that too much" lati is filled with the urge to give head pats

Opal and Vel are people Lati wants to become closer with but this happens in a setting and situation in which affectionate touch is weird? Vel is Opal's knight and Opal is a prince and they're all meeting regularly because Lati and Opal were meant to marry but currently these meetings are meant as information gathering moments that dissolved into... basically playdates?? They are Hanging Out.

But regardless, not really a place where casual touch is a Thing.

And lati is bad at socializing and any acquaintance/friend they make ends up in a situation where casual touch isn't a thing and Lati isn't the type to initiate that anyways

So Lati is touch starved and doesn't realize this

Whole "casual touch happens and they freak" moment. Whole "they yank themself away and the initiator thinks they don't like touch" moment. Yippee!

I'm shaking Angel. Idk what to do with her. Idk something something friendship manipulation betrayal possibly. Am I smart enough for that. Dunno

Aaaa!!!!!!!! I'm just yelling ideas! Cause it helps! If anyone has ideas for me lmk! This is being submitted for peer review!

[greatwyrmgold]

I've been playing Beacon Pines (so far I've found a couple of bad ends and am partway through my second Chapter 3), and I've been thinking about the plot goop.

But since the plot goop is kinda central to Beacon Pines's plot (hence the name), a plot that's focused on uncovering the mysteries of what the heck is going on, and it came out last week, I'm gonna show more spoiler discretion than normal. So even though I'm gonna avoid directly discussing the plot goop's plot points in detail, this is your spoiler warning.

If you haven't played Beacon Pines, the "plot goop" (as I call it) is sinister green goop that's seeping/being siphoned from an abandoned fertilizer warehouse, and you can probably guess where this is going.

If you have played Beacon Pines, I'm calling it the "plot goop" because it's a plot device in the formal sense—it's a thing that moves the plot forward. (It isn't really a plot device in the derogatory sense, because it isn't moving the plot in an unnatural or distractingly overt way. It's just sitting there, with characters reacting to it.

By the time you first see what the plot goop can do, you've been given enough setting information to form a reasonably coherent and complete picture of where the goop probably came from; there's an old fertilizer company in town that went bankrupt several years ago, at the same time as something called "the Foul Harvest," farms in the area are still harvesting rotten or stunted crops, a new agricultural company in town, the warehouse had a hazmat-suited goon with a habit of kidnapping trespassers, etc.

My point is, when the mystery plot piques my interest in the plot goop, there's not a lot to speculate about for its origins. There are still blank spaces, but none that feel critical (or like I can accurately fill in with the information I have now). So instead, I speculate about how it works.

I don't mean that in a scientific accuracy sense. The plot goop is moving the plot forward, and that's what matters; for all I care, it could be Echidna's bile, thick with her monstrous essence. I mean in a "What does this plot goop do?" sense.

In the first scene where we see the plot goop do stuff, it does two things. First, when poked with a stick, the stick blooms with leaves and flowers, which quickly wilt and die. Second, when someone gets pushed into it, they get some well-drawn but kinda generic mutation-ey things, like some twisted facial features and an oversized arm.

On one hand, there's a clear thematic connection between these two things. They both make living things grow, but not in a healthy or sustainable way. (Which is part of why it seems so obviously connected to the Foul Harvest and local carrot harvests being terrible.) But on the other hand, they do that in completely different ways. Mutations and temporary growth aren't the same thing.

I don't really have any conclusion related to Beacon Pines, because I don't think there is any conclusion here. Beacon Pines is more concerned about making the plot goop feel weird but (thematically) consistent than writing its effects in a strictly consistent manner. That's fine; this isn't a web serial or battle manga where the outcome of major conflicts can rest on minor details about how X magic thingy works.

But it's something that's been on my mind, and I guess I wanted to articulate that sort of "It's fine if it's not scientifically accurate, that's not the problem" feeling.

[oliviamillss]

reading dreams chart

im only going to use up to orb 3, for stronger accuracy lmao

**if you can’t be bothered to read it all, theres a summary paragraph at the bottom**

sun:

sun in 7th: strong emphasis on relationships. tends to copy others lingo/habits. extroverted. probably ‘needs’ others. only really shows his true self around his close friends/family/partners. 

sun at 19 degrees: a libra degree. (emphasis on this bc libra rules 7h), makes him a very charming, likeable, particularly popular guy.

sun opposite ascendant: inner conflict, probably doesn’t feel like people see him for his true self, may struggle showing true self. may feel misunderstood. may need approval/validation a lot.

sun square mars: hints to daddy issues. may struggle with a lot of built up anger and frustration, but it seems like he takes it out very positively, as you can see he is competitive, so i think he lets it out through gaming. probably very energetic, motivated.

sun square saturn: high expectations for himself. probably the type of person to think ‘i’m only good enough if i do this’. probably very hard on himself. also probably very insecure of himself, but doesn’t show it. another sun square masculine planet, more hinting to daddy issues.

moon:

moon in 7th: probably relies on close friends/family/partners a lot. loves to help people, esp people he’s close with (kinda mr beast vibes). probably very like ‘oh shit, he’s sad, i need to do everything within my power to cheer him up’ if that makes sense lmao

moon in virgo: looking after people!!! esp with the sun square saturn,, high expectations. probably a very much perfectionist, which also explains why he is competitive. may ‘always need to be right’. but virgo moons are actually so lovely omfg

moon at 9 degrees: sagittarius degree, likes to help people by optimism, and giving things to the person that they would want (im aware that sounds obvious lmao). probably feels a sense of achievement when cheers them up.

moon square pluto: probably hard time dealing with and growing from negative things that have happened, possibly struggles with letting things go. possibly self destructive (why did that one heatwaves part come to mind), possible trust issues + anxiety, probably very particular about who he lets close into his life, maybe quite protective. 

mercury:

mercury in 6th: likes to help people, probably not disappointed if he spends his time working with someone, may struggle with anxiety/depression. a quick learner, probably overthink every word because it wast the ‘perfect’ thing to say. 

mercury in leo: funny asf, and out there, also thinks his ideas/things to respond and say are the best, with the 6h and 7h placements, he is open to listen to others, but in the end he only really wants his one lmfao, good with conversation.

mercury at 1 degree: aries degree, another fire placement which emphasises the loud, out there kinda vibes.

mercury trine mc: career and reputation are strongly linked with what he says. (this is obv bc hes famous lmao). he’s smart, particularly with technology and its linked to his career. *im aware this sounds like im just describing him, this is exact so thats why its overly accurate*

mercury opposite neptune: daydreamer, probably has a lot of thoughts and ideas in his head, but they just dont come across right. probably zones out, may struggle with focusing. but very creative, has big and creative ideas. i havent mentioned it before but its come up too many times now, but he has a lot of placements, when manifested badly, creates a good manipulator

mercury square jupiter: optimistic, possibly thinks his ideas are the best (we’ve covered that before), can be really overly talkative or just nothing at all. (i rlly dont know much about this placement)

venus:

venus in 7th: he will have a beautiful relationship with his future partner. charming asfff, probably a good flirt. tends to love love. needs to be liked, sort of a pleaser. 

venus in virgo: the type of person to remember everything about the people he cares about. loves to help the people he cares about. probably sees the people he truly loves as ‘perfect’, which may end up being really bad if they’re toxic. 

venus in retrograde: struggles feeling loved, possibly feels like he doesn’t deserve love. probably the type to be like ‘how could you ever love me?’

venus square mc: attract people who take care of him. either has self-esteem issues, or is quite a dependant person. creative. may struggle finding people who support his career, or may have to change a few things about himself to be liked by others. 

venus trine jupiter: very likeable, and he’s veryyy lucky. he’s funny, and a generous person, probably very giving to his close friends and family. charismatic asfff, likely he will marry someone foreign. 

mars:

mars in 9th: more things hinting to attract(ing/ed to) foreigners. loves experiencing things with people he cares about. likes to learn more and more, possibly stubborn, makes sure his opinions are known.

mars in scorpio: that boy needs privacy in his life, doesn’t like being predictable. probably an overthinker. we’ve already known this but he’s definitely a top. probably could get anyone he wants, seductive asfff. also pretty spiteful.

mars at 17 degrees: leo degree, fame bitchesss

mars square ascendant: hates to lose, competitive. people may be intimidated by him at first, can’t really hide anger, pretty stubborn.

mars opposite saturn: really hard on himself. wants to be the best of the best, leader. stands up for himself. another placement hinting to daddy issues. harsh about his work, and himself in general, perfectionist. 

mars square uranus: anger may change a lot, a lot of energy, probably struggles to focus, doesn’t like to be the one who is being controlled/has restrictions. probably struggles with authority. outbursts of anger.

jupiter

jupiter in 3rd house: loves writing, and is actually pretty good at it. knows how to talk to people, how to persuade them, and how to manipulate them. good liar, knows how to sell his wants across, how to get what he wants.

jupiter at 4 degrees: cancer degree, cancer rules his 6h. he uses his luck/money to help others.

jupiter square neptune: big dreams, desire to escape the world as it is.

saturn:

saturn in 3rd: afraid of/ is often misunderstood. struggles to open up?, maybe he wasn’t listened to much growing up. hard on himself academically, feels like he isn’t smart enough. hard time expressing himself. maybe feels like noone really cares for what he has to say?

saturn at 16 degrees: cancer degree. idk what else to say abt it lmaoo

saturn square ascendant: quite serious, maybe struggle with the way he looks? possibly quite overwhelmed about his life,, feels like he has too much to do at times. fear of rejectionnn

saturn square uranus: maybe he doesn’t like change, tradition v change clashing. authority troubles. probably needs freedom, but feels unstable without what he’s used to. rebelling against norms. 

uranus: 

uranus in 12th: probably very curious about unexplainable things, maybe quite into conspiracy theories. two complete ends of the spectrum: fear change/need it, unpredictable things happen/ everythings the same. 

uranus at 14 degrees: taurus. taurus ruling 2nd, i guess it shows change in dream’s wealth.

uranus opposite north node (and conj south node): with exceptions, doesn’t like conflict. he is fine with joke conflict, but the second there’s an actual argument he tries to be the ‘peacemaker’ guy. technology is major in his life. also quite nervous about his career/future. 

neptune:

neptune in 12th: awful sleep schedule. overworking himself, never relaxing. vivid dreams. once again, this has come up loads and i just haven’t mentioned it: intuitive asf, george is the same. whether either are aware of it or not, they are super intuitive.

neptune at 2 degrees: taurus degree.

neptune sextile mc: creative, also likes helping others, empathy to the public. has big dreams career wise. 

pluto:

pluto in 10th: determined person, gets a lot of hate, but also a lot of love. trust issues, persuasion/manipulative abilities. leader leader leader. another hint to daddy issues, maybe privacy invading, maybe overprotective. don’t want to be controlled.

north node:

north node in 6th: overwork himself. but i think we can interpret this as his life goal to be working to help people. literally mr beast. just work hard, and give a lot away. humble.

chiron:

chiron in 9th: possible restriction from either his or his communities beliefs/religions. maybe he’s afraid of leaving where he is right now (sapnap moving to orlando, whenever its brought up its always george coming to orlando)

lilith:

lilith in sagittarius: need for truth. dislikes restrictions. hides emotions, uses humour to avoid them/ make people think they’re okay when they’re not. stubborn asf. 

lilith in 10th: tend to be sexualised/ reputations for being sexual. another placement hinting to daddy issues. really wants to be at the top, the most powerful. likes using his dominance/ power to seduce. motivateddd.

lilith conjunct pluto (exact omfg): typical ‘mystery’ guy. probably the mystery/scorpio vibes he pulls off attracts/ seduces people. the most dominant partner ever. sex is probably so intense and overwhelming

moon square lilith: possible mummy issues. his need for sex can change quick asf, from one end of the scale to another. struggles to open up. 

 i ought to mention!!

there’s a theory that the degree of your venus sign is the birthday of someone who is v important in your life. what’s dreams you may ask? 1. and when are george and sapnap’s birthdays? the 1st. they’re soulmates, your honour.

summary!!!

basically, dream has so much care and love for his friends and family, and probably relies on them a lot. he only shows his true self around them, and he (at least thinks) people don’t really understand him in the way his friends and family do. he is a social person, who’s very likeable and charming. he lovesss helping people, doing everything in his power to cheer others up, he remembers details about the people he loves. he is such a perfectionist, needing to succeed and win and everything, and is very competitive. he probably doesn’t think he’s ‘worthy’ if he’s bad at something. he sets very high expectations for himself. he is very hard on himself. if he wants to, he knows how to manipulate people. he has so so many placements for an amazing manipulator. he may struggle to express himself or open up, and may be hard on himself academically. maybe he doesn’t feel ‘listened to’. a lot of emotions like anger and sex drive may change rapidly for him. he over works himself a lot. a major theme in his life is tradition vs change. he is probably afraid of change, or finds it uncomfortable, or he may have some sort of attachment to traditional values/things, no matter how much he wants to change. he is also a peacemaker. he was born to be loved or hated, kinda like marmite but if the balance was more equal. he doesn’t like restrictions. he uses humour to hide his emotions.

im also thinking of doing a synastry reading between george and dream but idk yet lol

hope you guys enjoyed, this took ages lmao<3

[cinnamonest]

I feel like I’ve found my kin, I fell in love with Kakashi when I was like 8 LOL. Can I request some general yandere Zoro headcanons btw? I loved/still love him too 😶

Yes you may ahhh!!!! I love Zoro so much. I love writing for fandoms like this bc shounen anime are... Well, shounen, they're aimed at dudes, so they tend to not have as large of a female audience so there's not a lot of content out there. I love Luffy and there's like zero girl-targeted content for him. I swear I've spent so much time looking for wholesome, decent LuNa (my otp im sorry i just hhhh) doujins that aren't super male-oriented, and there's like... 2. For a 900+ episode anime. 2.

I also love the concept of a yandere in a situation where they CAN'T kidnap you, they're limited by their circumstances, so they have to kind of adjust or go insane. It's an interesting dynamic because it eliminates the norm for yanderes.

I think I mentioned this but I'm not 100% caught up with one piece (I mean, who is?), so I'm just keeping it simplistic and going with kinda basic Zoro and nothing with specific character developments or any spoilers other than his backstory

Yandere Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

Tws: all the usuals -- yandere, noncon, kidnapping

He meets you while he's lost. I'm sorry I just. Zoro gets lost in the middle of some place they're docked, and you're just such a sweetheart, you see this guy clearly not knowing where he's going, and offer to help him. He's kind of taken aback by your softness and sweetness.

He's not easily made aware of his own feelings. He's a rough and tough sort of guy, and he has dedicated himself to swordsmanship so much that he's neglected to focus on himself and his interpersonal relationships, and he's not really self aware at all of his own feelings, very out of touch with his emotions.

Obviously, even if he tries to shove it down, Kuina weighs heavily on his mind in relation to you. He's another man that has known loss and it's dealt its damage on his psyche. He can't lose another person who's dear to him again.

This results in him becoming insanely protective, one of the most protective yans out there. He's easily one led into paranoia delusions regarding your safety. However, he's an honest and reasonable guy and can be level-headed when confronted. If someone (not yourself, as he thinks you're naive, but maybe another girl like Nami or Robin) tells him he's being overprotective and exaggerating about your safety, he may actually have a moment of self-realization and admit to it. He's capable of being reasonable enough to see it once it's pointed out to him. However... this doesn't stop him. He tries, really, he genuinely tells himself that he needs to stop. But his instincts just kind of take over. It's an impulse, to stop you from doing even the most slightly dangerous things.

Once you join the Straw Hat Crew, he just kinda... clings. It's a silent presence, but he's always there, constantly seems to show up wherever you are. Unfortunately, you can't really... get away from him per se. You're kinda limited to one ship, at least as long as you're out on the sea. Your only option for respite is going to your room or bathing, otherwise, he's gonna follow you, even if he's not saying anything and (very badly) trying to feign indifference, pretending you just happen to be going the same way all the time. He doesn't really know what to say, he's not good with these things, and often he's acting without really thinking too much about it. He won't usually strike up a conversation, he just... is there. Watches. May awkwardly ask a question or make a passing comment.

One scenario I imagine is you jokingly picking up one of his swords and wielding it around giggling and he just flips out, takes it from you and yells at you not to do that, are you an idiot? Do you want to trip and fall and have that impale you? Do you realize how easy it would be for you to slice your arm open by accident? It's startling to both you and anyone watching -- even for someone who gets yell-y as easily as him, it seems like an overreaction. He'll apologize but insist it's a safety thing, really.

And he really tries to hide his more... aggressive nature, because he thinks it will drive you away -- he's a blunt, tough guy with a short-fused temper, and he thinks that's definitely not something women like very much. He tries not to yell at you, not get mad so easy, keep his calm better around you, and might even be nicer to others so that you don't think he's mean. And for the most part, he can manage that. Except when it comes to a very specific, very problematic blonde crew member. His little conflicts with Sanji get worse, to even a point that he's snapping at him so frequently that even Sanji himself is a bit bewildered and caught off guard by it. The others notice they fight a lot more often... and Zoro always seems to instigate it, picking quarrels over the littlest things. In reality, he's afraid of the other's... sleazy nature. He can't have you falling for that bastard. He even starts to get jittery when you're in the presence of Franky, Usopp, hell even Luffy of all people. It's noticeable, and everyone kinda worries for him.

He kicks himself for it as soon as he does it, but he finds himself insulting you nonetheless. It's a terrible habit. He gets so awkward and flustered that it's second nature for him to say something snarky or even rude when you talk to him, and he immediately is just mentally screaming at himself for doing so. This will get a bit better with time, though, if you two talk more often.

Now, even if you can fight, you're never gonna really get the opportunity. In battle, he's clinging to you and protecting you at every moment, even if it costs the others some unnecessary wounds. It's highly uncharacteristic of him, and they notice. He won't leave your side, insisting that you're a weak fighter and that he has to take care of you. You just don't get it, you overestimate yourself, you underestimate your enemies, you're a girl. What, Nami and Robin? Well, they've been at this much longer than you, and they had rough upbringings. You're different. You're soft... fragile. You just can't see it. You're lucky he's here to protect your dumbass.

Due to your setup, well, he can't really kidnap you per se. He undoubtedly would if you two were somewhere else, in another life or another setting, but that's not really an option, and even as a yandere, he would never go so far as to kill or abandon his crew. So, he's stuck with just... slowly, slowly mentally deteriorating.

Now, he's not capable of kidnapping, he's not smart enough to really manipulate you into anything (although he WILL tell you that some of the other guys are out to use you), so, he's left to be the guard dog he inevitably becomes to you. If you avoid him, he'll just follow you. If you don't talk to him, that's ok. If you confront him, he'll just insist he has no idea what you're talking about, and you'll start to feel like maybe you're just paranoid. The others... don't really know what to do, to be honest. I can see Nami/Robin potentially confronting him, but in the end, they can't force him to change his behaviors, and they can't afford to lose him. This results in, gradually, everyone slowly kind of accepting your dynamic onboard. They feel bad for you, really, but... in the end, Zoro's just more valuable to the crew. Sorry. They're not gonna get rid of him, but they don't want to get rid of you either.

If you leave? It may just be one of the very very few things that could ever cause him to leave the Strawhats. It would tear him up, really, it goes against his dreams, his pride, his loyalty, but in the end... his loyalty is first and foremost to you. He'll follow you if you leave. It's a bad move on your part, because this gets rid of the only thing standing between you and kidnapping. Which, at that point, surely will happen. Like his other behaviors, he'll feel bad, he'll try and stop himself, tell himself it's wrong, but you'll end up bound in some dark basement nonetheless. He's one to take a very simple approach. Find you alone, sling you up and over his shoulder and carry you off before anyone can come.

Rejection doesn't faze him. No matter what, he'll remain by your side. Even if you never love him in return. It's just his nature, he's a guardian through and through.

In the end, he'll be right there by your side, scaring off any competitors, clinging to you like glue, ever in your presence like a shadow, forever. Whether you want him to or not. He's just an inescapable force, an unmovable object, and you're wasting your time trying to change your fate.

Now, he's very flustered with anything sexual. Highly embarrassed, lots of shame, and doesn't talk much about it. It just kind of happens. He doesn't talk much during, mostly grunts and the occasional fuck when you clamp down, occasionally asking you if you're ok, if it hurts, if it feels good. It's one of the only very soft sides of him. In the end, he really, truly loves you, and doesn't want to hurt you, he wants you to feel good and just love him. It's a very different side to him, one no one else has ever really seen, it's the most vulnerable he himself has ever been with another person.

He feels shame for it, but initially he'll definitely be one to steal your things, sit outside of your room at night, listening to you through the wall, try and get glimpses of you bathing or dressing. He really, really feels guilty, and he's one that will, once you're comfortably restrained and never going anywhere, just sit down and list out every nasty little thing he's ever done regarding you, just to get it off his chest. He understands if you react badly, and he'll apologize, which is a bit ironic considering how much worse kidnapping you is.

He'll apologize for that, too. He's actually one to do so a lot. He's normally a proud guy, but with this? He knows it's wrong, he knows it's fucked up. He knows he can't stop. And he'll be sorry to the moon and back. Just never sorry enough to stop.

He's actually a pretty vanilla guy. Hand-holding missionary type. And, despite being so embarrassed over it all, oddly romantic about it. It's one of the only things he's ever soft and gentle about, it's almost unbelievable to you that he's capable of being so gentle and slow with anything. But he'll kiss your forehead, really take his time with it all, make you cum on his fingers before ever actually fucking you. Hold your hand, look into your eyes. It would be honestly incredibly sweet if it weren't... you know, taking place in some dark sealed off room after dragging you there against your will.

If he's particularly mad, he can get rougher, but he'll apologize after. It's a lot of harsh grabbing, biting, it leaves bruises that he'll rub over softly, whispering an apology, even if a little part of him likes the way it looks on you.

[anothers-trash-my-treasure]

Take It Out On Me

Happy Smutty Saturday! I seem to like writing things revolving around the pandemic lmaoo I'm sorry, I don't want to make that a habit. This is escapism, after all. Anyways, request from god knows how long ago about angry fucking with our fav gremlin boi

Pairing: Merriell Shelton / Reader (Female)

Warnings: 18+. There's some angst, some words exchanged in anger but nothing too crazy. Unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it pls don't be dumb) Rough sex, dirty talking, hints of BDSM if you squint, praise kink if you squint.

Word Count: 3K

Tag List: @edteche2 @xmxisxforxmaybe @diasimar @txmel @gloriousdarkangelsworld @paradoxicaltornado @404-not-found-xix

Enjoy!

When the pandemic started, things weren’t so bad. Your job allowed you to simply work from your laptop, you had turned the second bedroom/storage room into a makeshift office and it worked just fine. Merriell, on the other hand, was not so lucky. He had been laid off, and, at first, was incredibly stressed about it. Thankfully though, you made enough money to cover the rent and the government came through with some financial aid that helped Mer pay for the bills. You’d be okay.

In fact, once the financial stresses were taken care of, it was actually kind of nice. You two hadn’t lived together long, but long enough that you had noticed your schedule differences and long enough to know you had missed each other. Gone were the late nights at the shop that left you lonely and missing his touch. Quite the contrary, during the first few months, you had fucked like rabbits. He had taken you in every room of the house like you were christening the damn thing all over again. The kitchen, the living room, the bathroom, hell, he even had you in your ‘office’ at one point. It was fun, being together all the time.

Until it wasn’t.

Eventually, being cooped up in the same goddamn space all the damn time got to both of you. And you loved him dearly but god he was so fucking annoying sometimes. Usually, you could avoid creating tension either by slinking away to your office for a bit or politely asking him to take a walk. But the office door had been a lost cause ever since he fucked you up against it so hard it came right off its hinges and it was raining outside, so he couldn’t leave. You were stuck.

Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad, but the little things that usually didn’t matter had gone unchecked and undiscussed and were beginning to bite at your skin in a way you couldn’t ignore. For you, it had started when you went to the bathroom in the morning, only to discover he had left the toilet seat up and you fell right through. For him it had started when you unconsciously kicked him awake at 6 in the morning on a Saturday. And from there it spiraled. By the time you were ready for coffee, he had drunk the whole pot.

“Thanks for leaving me some.” you had grumbled, and maybe you meant it in good fun, but your sleepy attitude struck a chord, and you knew that because it was met with silence.

So maybe that’s why you didn’t ask him if he wanted some of the eggs you were making for breakfast. And maybe that’s why he decided the be extra loud when he finally made his own breakfast. Pots and pans clanging as he threw them in the sinks, cupboard doors slamming shut and using his fork just a little too violently in a way that set your whole being on edge.

By the end of the day, you had snapped at each other a few times and the tension was so thick that you could barely stand just being next to him. You hated that you were feeling this way, that these stupid lockdowns were driving you away from each other when all you wanted was the opposite. But you couldn’t let go of your anger and annoyance, and it bled through your veins, poisoning any conflict resolution that threatened to act as an antidote to your frustrations.

The last straw came at dinner. He had asked you what you wanted to eat and just the question had you gritting your teeth. So you had replied, telling him that he could make whatever he wanted. That, apparently, was the wrong answer.

“Jesus fucking christ,” he snarled, slamming his hand down onto the kitchen island, “Can you please jus' tell me what the fuck you want?!”

You had done nothing more than glance his way and roll your eyes, not getting a chance to respond before he was launching into a tangent.

“Seriously, what the fuck do ya think I am? Some kinda mind reader?” He asks, one hand gesturing wildly while the other keeps the counter in a white-knuckled grip, “Ya been in this fuckin’ mood all goddamn day and Darlin, I gotta say, ‘m fuckin’ sick of it.”

You bark out a sharp, bitter laugh, “Oh, you’re sick of it?” You stand up from the couch, walking behind it so you can get closer to him, “Like you haven’t been intentionally pissing me off all fucking day.”

His jaw pushes out in annoyance, both hands now gripping the countertop, “I promise you,” and you gotta give the guy credit for trying to regain some composure, “whateva’ I did to make you this goddamn bitchy was not intentional.”

“Oh, so I’m a bitch now?” You counter, folding your arms over your chest.

His eyes close and his chin tucks into his chest, recognizing his mistake but unwilling to apologize for it, “That’s not what I meant.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Tell me.” you insist, stepping closer to him, “Tell me what a bitch I’ve been. Blame all your problems on me. Because that’s just easier, isn’t it?”

It’s not true. You know. He knows it. But right now, all you can focus on is the anger that’s been boiling in the pit of your stomach.

“Y’know what? Maybe this-” he cuts himself off, but his quick gesture between the two of you finishes the rest of his sentence for him. Silence fills the kitchen and now there’s salt added to the wound. Hurt swirls with your anger and you can’t stop yourself from talking even if you tried.

“No, say it.” you encourage bitterly, crossing the line into the kitchen, “Tell me how moving in together was a mistake. Tell me how you can’t fucking stand living with me. Tell me how I’m so bitchy and how sick you are of my shit. Tell me-”

Before you can finish antagonizing him, he’s got you pushed up against the wall, his hands braced on either side of your head. He’s so close to you, you can feel his breath, angry and panting on your skin. You look into his eyes, seeing them hard and cold with his anger but something else lying behind them.

“Shut the fuck up,” he growls, and before you can even begin to be angry about it his lips are on yours and you can’t breathe.

His anger is very apparent, even as he kisses you. It’s rough, bruising, but it’s an outlet for all the negative feelings you’ve been experiencing so you kiss him back just as hard. You reach for him, unsure if you’re working to pull him closer and push him away. It doesn’t really matter though because he doesn’t let you touch him for long. Within seconds both your wrists are taken in one hand and pinned above your head. You fight against his hold, despite knowing it’s futile. In retaliation you bite down hard on his lip, feeling only a little satisfied when he pulls away in shock, his free hand coming up to check for blood. There's not.

You meet his eyes with a defiant smirk. He wants to play dirty? Fine. You can play that way too.

He steps away and for a second you think he’s actually going to walk away. But then-

“Get your ass to the bedroom.”

You almost laugh. If he thinks you’re, in any way, going to be compliant tonight, he’s sadly mistaken. Instead, you cross your arms, falling back to lean against the wall, your eyes never leaving his. He chuckles, an angry smirk crossing his features. He looks away, shaking his head, tongue poking against the side of his cheek in complete disbelief. Before you can think of your next move he’s got you thrown over his shoulder, marching the both of you down the hallway to your shared bedroom. You squirm, trying to push yourself to an angle that would let you fight his grip but it’s no use. By the time you work his hold free, he’s already dropping you on the bed. Although dropping may not be the right word, he all but slams you down, leaving you momentarily breathless.

Even then, he moves quickly. His hands move to his belt, quickly working the clasp back and off so he can slide his jeans off. Despite your anger, you feel heat pool between your legs when the fabric drops to reveal bare skin. It’s nothing new for Merriell, but it never fails to do something to you. He knows it too, a cocky smile gracing his face as he sheds his shirt too. He only lets you look for a second before he’s quickly flipping you onto your stomach. He forces you up onto your knees, hand finding the back of your neck to keep you where he wants you as he climbs onto the mattress behind you.

You put up a bit of a fight, although you’re becoming less and less focused on your anger and frustration and more focused on the feeling on his cock pressing against the back of your jean-clad thigh.

“Always seem to forget how fucking stubborn you are.” He growls into your ear, pressing himself against the line of you body while his free hand starts to unbutton and work off your pants, “Hard headed and difficult.” he continues, biting roughly on your earlobe just to here your intake of breathe and to feel you struggle against his hold, “A fucking brat.” He punctuates the last words by tugging both your jeans and panties down around your thighs roughly. You hiss at the forcefulness of the action, feeling the burn of the fabric against your skin contrasting with cool air against your bare pussy.

You’re completely at his mercy.

His presence is dominating, even though you can’t see him, his hands, one pressing on your neck to keep you still and the other caressing the swell of your ass, let you know exactly who's in charge. You don’t struggle, both of you knowing how much you want him, but you still hold an air of defiance. Your face is turned so you can breathe, but you won’t give him the satisfaction of looking at him. He tries to draw you out, teasing you by dragging his cock against your wetness. He alternates between taking the tip and rubbing it between your folds and fucking the space between your thighs. He knows what it does to you, can see the way you fight the urge to beg by pressing your lips together.

But you don’t fold.

“C’mon baby,” he taunts, venom laced in his words, “I know you want it.” As he talks the hand on your neck slides up into your hair, “Know you want that attitude fucked outta ya,” He tugs your hair roughly, pulling a gasp from your lips and forcing you to look back at him, “All ya gotta do is ask.”

You breathe heavily for a second, eyes locked with his, “Go fuck yourself.”

He growls, shoving your head back down into the mattress and thrusting into you roughly. Your back arches, eyes rolling back in your head as he begins to fuck you, not allowing you even a second to catch your breath. The second he sees bliss cross your features, he’s insufferable.

He laughs against a moan, “Feisty,” he comments, “but the second my dick’s in ya, you’re putty in my hands.”

You’re desperate to prove him wrong. You force your eyes open, locking them with his and pushing back against his thrusts, the headboard already banging against the wall with the force of both your movements.

“Feel’s good doesn’t it?” He asks, free hand coming down on your ass with a sharp smack.

“I’ve had better.” Your voice bounces with each thrust, but you’re determined to keep your composure, despite the pleasure that makes your toes curl.

Another growl rumbles through his chest and he lays another harsh smack to your rear, just to see your body react, “Liar,” he hisses, fingers digging into your skin.

His angle changes ever so slightly so that his cock now drags against your sweet spot with every movement and you can’t force your moan back. His eyes light up, laughing delightedly at the sound, “Had betta’ my ass.” he comments, leaning down to bite roughly on your shoulder, effectively leaving marks all across them, “Ya jus’ can’t help ya’self. You love it. Love the feeling of my cock in you.”

“Who says I’m thinking of you?” You shoot back.

You know it’s not true. Merriell was unlike any lover you had before, you were hopelessly and utterly ruined for anyone else. But that didn’t matter. The comment, however untruthful, hits his possessive streak just like you knew it would. He pulls out of you, flipping you onto your back and nearly ripping the remaining fabric off your body before resuming his brutal pace, this time using your wrists on either side of your head to hold you down. In this position he can ensure that you’re looking at him, leaving no doubt in either of your minds that it’s him that makes you feel like this. Only him.

“Such a fucking brat,” he growls, leaving bite marks all along your skin. By the time you’re done, there won’t be a part of your body that’s not marked by him.

He stops talking for a second, focusing instead on giving you the fucking of your life. He’d never fucked you like this. He’d been possessive, sweet, caring, loving, jealous. But never angry. Not like this. Every ounce of frustration and anger he’d felt was redirected to his hips, the air tense with the hurtful words you’d both said earlier.

“C’mon,” you taunt when he slows for a second, lips turned up in a sneer even as you pant, breathless, “That all you got?”

“Shut the fuck up,” he snarls, hoisting your legs up onto his shoulders, releasing your hands so he can move one to your throat, pressing you into the bed that way instead. It’s hard for you to breathe that way, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t love it. And if you thought he was fucking you hard before, it’s nothing compared to the way he’s fucking you now.

The new angle allows him to trust deeper into you and your stubborn resolve begins to fade a little. Your hands scramble to latch onto his forearm that holds you down, not trying to push him away but just searching for purchase, for support somewhere you’ve always found it. He’s not faring much better, head rolling back onto his shoulders with a groan as he fucks you. You’re both quickly abandoning your anger in favor of the pleasure that you provide each other.

“Merriell,” you mewl, a peace offering without even realizing it.

His head snaps back to look down at you, eyes sparkling at the sound of your name on his lips for the first time tonight, “There she is,” he pants, leaning down to kiss you, open-mouthed and filthy. It’s still harsh, but the anger behind his motions is nearly gone, “My good girl, huh?”

You don’t even need to nod, to voice your confirmation. It’s not even really a question. You both know you’d come to an unspoken agreement.

“Fuck, baby girl.” he moans against your mouth, slowing his trusts just enough so he can really make you feel the drag of his cock inside you, “Oh, you feel so good.”

You love it when he gets like this. When all he can do is fuck into you and voice his pleasure. It’s a sure sign of surrender.

“Yes,” you gasp, back arching up against his as you feel your pleasure begin to reach its peak, “Merriell, I’m close.”

“Yeah,” he breathes, nodding in agreement, “C’mon, baby I gotcha. Let go for me.”

Your eyes lock with his the second you feel yourself slip over the edge. You see the way his eyes watch you, full of love that he had hidden behind his anger earlier. Your nails dig into his arm and your eyes roll back, unable to help yourself as pleasure courses through your whole body. You think that maybe you're shaking, but you’re completely detached from your conscious, knowing only the bliss he’s brought you.

Your senses come back to you just in time to feel him finish inside of you. His head buries into your neck, muffling his moans against your skin. The hand that had previously held you down now cups the back of your neck, the other gripping the back of your thigh with a grip so tight, you’re sure you’ll wear his fingerprints for a week.

He collapses against you, staying buried in your heat but pulling back enough so he can kiss you passionately. You kiss him back, hands tangling in his hair as your emotions begin to rise. When he pulls back your eyes are wet with unshed tears.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, rubbing your noses together.

He nods, rubbing your noses together affectionately, “Me too,” he says, just as quiet, “Don’t leave.”

It’s a rare moment of sheer vulnerability, much needed after the heightened tensions throughout the past few days. You both knew, on some levels that the words shared earlier were spoken only out of frustration. But there was always that glimmer of doubt that you both felt. For him, it was always that you could find someone better. And for you, it was always the possibility of him growing sick of you.

You shake your head, kissing his softly, lovingly, “Never.”

After a few more moments of holding each other, he pulls out of you but doesn't move much further. He pulls you tight against his chest, kissing the top of your forehead. You bask in the silence for a handful of moments, just listening to each other breathe, finally feeling the tension between the two of you dissipate.

“Next time, can you just please put the seat down?” You murmur against his chest, a teasing tone to your voice.

He barks out a laugh and you grin against his skin at the sound.

Everything was going to be okay.

[crackinwise]

My pet AU is Kiyotaka and Mondo somehow out in the post-Tragedy Japan, surviving and saving people. Like either they didn't agree to stay locked in Hope's Peak for safety, or they survived the game and left with the others but didn't join Future Foundation. Major points up front, details divided into sections under the cut:

Mondo's objective would be to find his gang, and Taka's goal, besides finding his dad, would be repairing society while punishing those responsible for its destruction. But their direct task is keeping each other safe & helping victims along the way.

Mondo even stresses calling Taka "Ishimaru" instead of "bro" or his given name in front of others, so they might KNOW who's saving them. Taka caught on quick & is very grateful.

Taka would have kind of a breakdown reconciling who he is with what he has to do in a lawless world where every public moral is ignored. He keeps a small ledger of places they loot from, to compensate in the future.

At the start, Taka can only sleep burrowed against Mondo's chest or back, blocking out their damaged surroundings & pretending everything is as it was.

He cries in Mondo's arms one night after he couldn't avoid killing someone to save Mondo's life, and that's the tipping point. He thinks if he was better, stronger like his bro, he'd have noticed sooner & found a better option. Mondo is being so brave; he's Taka's rock and Taka wants to be as steady for him too. Their souls are already connected so obviously he just has to borrow more of Mondo's spirit, right?

That's how Ishida is created.

(In reality, Mondo just compartmentalizes and shoves down unhelpful feelings. You thought he needed therapy BEFORE all this, oh man-)

Ishida:

Taka ends up slipping into the Ishida facade for fight and flight; any time adrenaline kicks in and he feels he needs that boost. Sadly, that's most of their waking time. He guards Mondo and anyone they're saving like a fierce watchdog, and won't hesitate to bite.

He'll only come out of the role when he personally verifies it's safe and if Mondo can confirm it. Survivors are confused by the dual-sided Ishimaru switching right in front of them, but they're so grateful (and so much weird crap has happened) that it never phases them long.

Too many times, Ishida will go all day without a break. This means when their hideout for the night is absolutely safe, that it's okay to let go, Taka just collapses in exhaustion. But Mondo is there to catch him.

Mondo feels conflicted over the Ishida role because Taka is just a beast in it--it's very flattering and a little hot--but it also makes him worry more than before about Taka's health. He comforts Taka with a lot of praise and reassurances, and Taka sleeps lightly but otherwise fine.

Relationship: (slight mature warning)

When they touch, Taka swears he can feel the link between them flare to fuel them. Twin fires ignited. Mondo doesn't know about all that, but when their eyes meet it definitely makes him feel invincible, so, he can believe.

If they weren't already new boyfriends when The Tragedy hit, all this closeness makes sure of that soon after. Being together is their happiness and, for a while, their only link to pre-Tragedy lives. Vows not unlike marriage were exchanged one night. Where one goes, the other will follow. Anywhere. Always.

When they kiss, safe and alone, Mondo will ask what Taka wants; what he can handle that night. Sometimes it's just the kisses before passing out, sometimes it's more intimate touches to please them both after another hellish day.

Sometimes Taka will ask to be made love to, for obvious couple reasons, but also because Mondo inside him makes their tether feel stronger, more complete. Like going over the invisible line in bold marker. Taka believes any marks they can create with their mouths, any traces of themselves they can leave on or in each other, the easier they can find their bond and tap into it. (He had started a nervous habit of pressing in on lovebites to keep Ishida going when tired.)

Mondo tells him he doesn't need to find a poetic excuse for fetishes and Taka lovingly answers with a stomach punch.

Crazy Diamonds:

Mondo's gang members, the ones not dead or overcome with Despair, are slowly found and joined back up.

Any smaller and sturdier motorcycles are kept when found. If Mondo was able to keep his own in this version, it's a bit heavier than would be good for any off-roading--and much too loud for any stealth--but he refuses to part with it.

Every gang member respected Taka/Ishida the second they saw him fight beside their leader. Before Mondo says a word about him. They readily take orders from him in either form. The change in appearance was a surprise, but they're already used to some members wildly changing demeanor in or away from the gang, so it's easily accepted.

With the gang as backup to keep watch during downtime--after Ishida sized each one up and watched them for loyalty--the pair can feel a lot more relaxed. They joke about having a date in a blown-out restaurant they find, and they can finally enjoy a deep sleep.

When the group finds safehouses with more than one room, Mondo & Taka are given their privacy. Taka tries to insist everyone deserves a chance at privacy and they should rotate, but changing a gang's long-established hierarchy is a losing battle. And Mondo's not on his side because when they're alone he can be as sappy or touchy as he likes.

Legends:

Taka and Mondo save a lot of people over their journey and kinda become a legend that gets spread around and gives people Hope.

This area still needs work from me. Probably some research into Japanese myths and supernatural symbolism. A placeholder right now is something corny like "Two Men with burning eyes and thunderous voices will answer your cries for help. But if you're evil, the two will appear to you as One Demon and drag you down to the land of the dead."

There's also probably a need for costume changes since their color scheme is the same black & white of the Despair Remnants and monokumas killing people. Legend or not, it'd be easy for traumatized survivors to not know they're good guys at first.

Darker Moments: (blood, violence and vague attempted sexual assault)

After he killed a man to save Mondo, Taka luckily (he wouldn't use that word) doesn't have to again. Hurt? Yes. Beat unconscious? Yes. Maim? Yes, but some of the vile dregs of humanity are caught doing things that deserve worse--

--That deserve Mondo. Once when they were still traveling alone, a group of Remnants jumped them, managing to separate the two, and one knocked Taka out with a bad blow to the head. Mondo dispatched the others attacking him and got to Taka right as the Remnant was about to do something unforgivable.

Mondo snapped. He still doesn't remember what he did, he just remembers coming to in all the blood and dazedly picking Taka up to take him to a place he knew was safe.

Taka never finds out. He woke up a day later with a bandaged head and Mondo crying and kissing his hands. Mondo just told him he beat some and scared away the others.

Minor Details:

They try to always fight back-to-back and, to observers, seem to read each other's mind for where to move.

Taka/Ishida would use a sword or hand-to-hand. The pickaxe might just be a random pickaxe they find, if he uses it at all. Kinda hard to carry both a sword and a railroad pickaxe on your back, and I can't imagine it balances very well. (The size in official pics would be a 5lb head w/2-3lb handle.)

Mondo seems like he would use anything lying in debris to fight. Poles, pipes, chains. Aaaand maybe the knives he mentions in School Mode.

For any costume changes, Mondo would keep his jacket at least. A beacon for the Diamonds. Maybe a purple tank top, and different pants better for knife holsters. Unless the holster should wrap around his waist or hip instead?

Any changes to Taka's outfit would keep his armband. It's a reminder of his Talent and his goal to make Japan even better than before. Also wanna keep his boots or change to more rugged ones.

End Goal:

Obviously they'd end up in Towa, after the events of Ultra Despair Girls. They're reunited with Takaaki and Takemichi. Maybe they help set things right there a bit, or Makoto would get word to them about his plans vs Future Foundation's. Look at me, do I look like someone that knows how to end things?

There is no way you read all that. (I love you if you did.) But feel free to use all or any bits of it in your own works. Almost positive I'll never get to compose all this into a coherent fic format. I might update in short scenario posts under a 'Tragedy-survivor au' tag if I think of anything.

If you have a question or want something expanded upon, ask away.