#I kind of hope I am though

[crabpeach]

Have you ever known someone just so void of happiness? Like no matter what is going on, their face is a front for a lack of emotions. Even when they demand that something be all about them it’s still not enough. And it will never be enough. I wonder what it’s like to not enjoy things. To merely line up goals and motion for each one to be completed with incredible drive and energy. How did you choose those goals for yourself? Do you feel like they were placed there for you? Is that why you are so unhappy? So untrusting of your ‘loved ones’. Are you capable of love? Do you know what it means? Can you see them? How you’ve hurt them and refuse to be held accountable? I can feel it. That you only know how to keep people in your life if they’re useful. I guess that’s why I haven’t been in your life for the past decade. And that’s why you want back in now. Because I’m suddenly useful. I feel like I should know better. That I shouldn’t give you a chance to take what I’ve worked so hard to give myself. This happiness I’ve cultivated for myself. These silly little things that make me bounce and dance and tap and clap. Will you yell at me again? For clapping? For expressing my myself? Will you devour it like you did all those years ago? Will I be incapable of leaving my room again out of fear for what’s out there? I think I know the answer and I won’t allow you to take what’s mine. Not anymore. Never again.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.

This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.

This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.

But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.

I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.

I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.

I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.

I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.

[egophiliac]

I love your take on Crowley!

I know that the early, non-Diasomnia stories aren't really your thing, but are you reading the novels at all?

I have been following some of the fan translations and the second book seems intense! Would love to hear what you think about them.

thank you! 💚💚💚 I'm not really sure why you think I don't like the earlier arcs though, I love pretty much all the characters and their storis! (I think 5 and 1 are my favorite of the past episodes, though 6 infected me with the Shroud brainrot something fierce.) I just...ESPECIALLY love diasomnia. :') but there is room in my heart for all of these dweebs! like, who among us is not just as ride-or-die for Adeuce as they are for us.

that said, I don't really follow the other adaptations like the manga (aside from a dip-in just to see the new Yuus) or the novels, though I keep meaning to check them out! I do like seeing the differences between the different forms of media, and how certain things get adapted one way or another! but alas, time/a lack of accessibility stands in our way more often than not. :( someday...someday I will have time to consume all of the media...

[unriding]

me n moze say good morning to the world !!! ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ

art by @rabbbitseason of course <3

[corpsentry]

love poem (typical)

[ahollowgrave]

don't worry @idalenn, she brought options!

[myokk]

[waywardstation]

Hola! Hope it's ok to ask for any drawing advice.

I'm very rusty in my drawing skills and I really want to draw pokemon, is there any tip(s) you could give on how to draw pokemon?

Thanks in advance

Hello hello! I appreciate you wanting to ask me! Thank you so much!! :)

Yes, I can do my best to give you some tips that help me!

This tip works best if you want to stick closer to Pokémon’s style and designs rather than wanting to do your own interpretation — that can be fun to do too, though!

So for this, I picked purugly as an example!

So when I am drawing something, to me, IT COMES DOWN TO CONSTRUCTION WITH SHAPES!

When I find I have a hard time drawing pokemon (or anything else!), I can take its official art, and break it down into shapes.

Then, you can take those shapes and move them around into another pose! (I used different colors to help differentiate overlapping parts, certainly not required)

Then you can use these shapes to help figure out the Pokémon’s body over the pose, and make changes as needed! (See the left back leg, and the front paws)

And there you go! A pokemon drawn from the shapes!

It can also help a lot to trace right over the official art to get a feel for drawing the pokemon, too! You can also use it as an opportunity to see if you’d like to draw anything differently than the linework already set down below you (as you can see, the ears stray from the linework slightly, it’s just a style choice I decided to make!)

I hope this helps! If not, I’m always down to give more tips! But basically, tracing the pokemon to get used to its design, and breaking it down into shapes so you can use those shapes to set up poses you want, are what I recommend! Cause man there are some crazy pokemon designs out there haha.

Breaking down designs with shapes and tracing is something I do all the time, it’s a method that helps me a ton! Hopefully it helps you too! :)

[septimusmoonlight]

You doing ok?

hi

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

I can imagine anything guy image: “I can spiral into tears and convince myself I’m the worst person alive over anything”

[omppupiiras]

saw my queen yesterday ❤️ lady in red <3

[cementcornfield]

You should post your thoughts on Ja’Marr and Kyle!! I’m so interested in their dynamic if that makes sense 😅

lmao anon i love you thank you because i was literally just typing a post up by itself. but now i get the benefit of looking like i'm not the ONLY person to care about this. (there's at least two of us!!)

ok so! too much rambling about things that i could no way actually know anything about irl BUT 

kyle and ja’marr being together in paris is VERY interesting to me. their whole relationship is really because like. okay. i have joked that kyle and ja’marr are there to pick out joe’s wardrobe for next year together lmao but like!!! the clothes saga is SUCH a thing with ja’marr. the man has a Complex about joe and fashion and his part in it. we know this. i hardly need to go over the clothes saga with y’all again. but i will because it’s fun for me. ja’marr claims in GQ that he buys clothes for joe all the time and drops them off at 'the house’ for him. which is insane enough if that’s true. then a few days after that article drops (and also joe’s appendix explodes) he says nah never mind i was lying! (“kinda”). and that’s insane too. but whatever, we let it go, there’s football to play. then that offseason tee decides to cause some chaos i guess and confirms that actually ja’marr HAS bought joe clothes ‘multiple times’ so that’s. something!!! (along with TB in that one pivot podcast with all three of them teasing ja’marr about it!!) and then SOMEHOW none of this gets brought up again until a few months ago when ja’marr is just like “yeah actually i’ve been buying him clothes since last year” which is still a year later than he first said he bought him clothes 🤔

ALL OF WHICH TO SAY that ja’marr is fucking weird about this. he may or may not buy joe clothes (i’m still leaning yes on this), and he may or may not want people to know about it. i think he realizes just how intimate of a thing that is, to repeatedly buy someone you care about clothes that you think he would like, that you’d like to see him in. and i think if we go back to my Vision of insecure at times ja’marr, it’s one way to explain his back and forth on this.

but then!! insert kyle, who i believe only became joe’s stylist within the last year. before that i don’t think joe ever really had anyone Official to help him out with specific outfits/styles/branding etc (i’m sure the joe girlies will correct me if i'm wrong on this). and now i can only imagine that ja’marr might be feeling a little…possessive of joe here (what else is new lol ‘that’s my qb not their qb’ type shit). like if we believe he’s been buying him clothes since at least 2021, that’s like…that’s ja’marr’s Thing at this point?? even if it only started happening in 2023, that’s still a long time of "oh hey i saw this and thought of you and will you wear it and when you wear it will i feel a little thrill knowing that you took my advice knowing that you value my opinion knowing that the clothes touching your skin are only doing so because i bought them for you in the first place etc etc." and now here’s joe paying someone else to do it?? and who the fuck is kyle why him why does HE get to do it he didn’t even win a national championship with him in college???? (ja’marr obviously would be more rational than that. of course joe should pay someone to help him out with style as he does events and builds his brand more. but as a fellow Emotional Person myself, the rational response is never the first or strongest one.) 

so like! there’s that. that alone could make ja’marr not inclined to LOVE Kyle, ya know? and then if we want to get really Deep and dive into internalized homophobia of Male Athlete Culture. of my version (MY VERSION JUST MY VERSION THIS IS NOT ME SAYING ANYTHING IRL ABOUT HIM) of ja’marr and how he might cope with feelings and attractions that do not neatly fall in line with what is Expected of him and Has Been Expected of him since he was a kid. like fuck. do we remember how his dad said ja’marr used to like to read with his cousins (who were girls) but then his male friends came around and made fun of him for it, so he stopped reading altogether as a child?? thinking about that still makes my heart hurt! aughhh Gender!! and then even a few weeks ago on stream when ja’marr accidentally said that kyrie was sexy and IMMEDIATELY the chat and his friends jumped on him for it!! like yeah it was all lighthearted and all that but he got all embarrassed and even fucking apologized??? just the immediate policing of language/behavior followed by the immediate apology and moving on to no longer watching kyrie clips lol. crazy!!! Male Athlete Culture is SUCH a trip!! 

and kyle is gay! very much out and proud and not hiding or ashamed of any of it (fucking good for him tbh. i know he’s not Loved in this fandom but like that does genuinely take guts to be yourself like that in a culture like this. and make a career out of it! and he seems to be thriving!) and i just have to wonder like, how many queer people ja’marr really knows well?? the nfl has their corporate pride month bullshit where they celebrate the like 1 out gay assisant coach? 1 out gay FORMER player? if there are more queer people in the nfl, they are not very public about it. so again, how much daily interaction does a typical football player like ja’marr get with queer people?? i do imagine all the connections that are growing with the fashion world help of course! like kyle! who it’s clear he’s at least friendly with, if not the best of friends. and so like, i wonder about how that could stir complicated emotions in ja’marr if we go with my (AGAIN JUST MINE I’M NOT ACTUALLY SAYING ANYTHING IRL) version of him as a guy who has Feelings about male teammates sometimes and struggles with Dealing With That. 

and throw in the fact that ja’marr primarily knows him as this guy who’s always hanging around joe lol. taking over his role as joe’s personal stylist?? being free and open and ALLOWED to be attracted to all these guys, to joe himself!! (and if he thinks too hard about that he REALLY gets in his feelings). and it’s not jealousy really because he knows how important he himself is in joe’s life. kyle’s not replacing their history, he’s certainly not replacing his value to joe on the field, their close friendship, etc. but! he occupies a space in joe’s life that ja’marr can’t touch. he can publicly and proudly buy joe clothes. something that ja’marr WANTS but keeps shying away from. he can feel any feelings and any attraction he happens to have, he’s not hiding any part of who he is. if he thinks joe’s hot, if he thinks joe looks particularly attractive in an outfit he chose for him, he can! he will! he does! and i think that that just HAS to drive ja’marr a little fucking crazy.

so yeah. he likes the guy. they’re friendly. he’ll do a goofy lil dance when prompted by him for social media. but it’s Complicated. it’s Very Complicated. (to me.) 

[aerithisms]

so many thoughts about the last couple chapters of ff7 rebirth but one thing i love is that the speech aerith gives in the temple of the ancients about looking to the future seems to heavily draw from one of my favourite lines in the og ff7, where tifa tells cloud that she doesn't think aerith ever intended to die, because aerith talked about the future more than any of them. i always loved that tifa understood this about aerith more than even cloud did and i love that they're doing justice to that

[egophiliac]

thank you for blessing us with twst pokemon au i appreciate it greatly. if i may ask you a question

how does one read book 7 without selling their soul to the deep dark web. i've been wanting to read the other parts for a while but i can't find a place with all the chapters. i've seen translations on youtube but i don't think they have all of them?

(also why'd you government name mickey like that on your last post what did he do)

thank you! :D

I'm not really sure where to find up-to-date main story translations, so opening it up to the floor for other people to chime in! for reference, the latest release in JP was episode 7 chapter 6 on December 11th, which covered 7-88 through 7-100. fingers crossed for more in February...but that's where we're at right now!

(Michael knows what he did)

[yuseirra]

a family bigger than 4! side story 3-2

The documentary nino mentions has been mentioned in part 4. Personally, I feel this is what the movie arc and the 15-year lie movie should have accomplished!

This story will have one more part~ I tried hard. Really, really hard... I don't know how all of you may feel but I'm glad I got to work this part out, I felt having something like this would be necessary

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / side story 1 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8 / part 9 / side story 2-1 / 2-2 / 2-3 / 2-4 / part 10 / part 11 / part 12 / part 13 / part 14 / part 15 / part 16 / part 17 / part 18 / part 19 / part 20 / part 21 / part 22 / part 23 / part 24 / part 25 / part 26 / part 27 / part 28 / part 29 / part 30 / part 31 / part 32 / part 33 / part 34 / part 35(+side story 3 prologue) / side story 3-1

[bochedogmeat]

Hi F451 tumblr. Can i go on an insane ramble. Montag is kind of just like the hound. Montag hound allegory 100…. Both because All We Put Into It is Hunting Fighting and Killing What a Shame If Thats All It Will Ever Know but ALSO i just know Beatty loves that damn hound. I can see him kneeling before it in my mind’s eye, lovingly adjusting chemical balance and making sure its joints are oiled and move comfortably, shining its exterior, cleaning its led eyes, taking it with him on jobs, slip lead held loosely around its great accordion rubber neck, giving it rats and mice to kill by hand, stroking that great chrome head with tenderness and adoration unbecoming of a man of Beatty’s status, and is Montag not his own hound? His best man? Does he not lovingly feed him books to destroy? Lies to believe? Did he not train him, build him in his own image? What love beatty feels is like how a god feels love, it’s retribution, punishment, ownership, in a way. Montag is his Hound, and does Beatty not take excellent care of his hound?