#I keep forgetting I can die when I pull the whole map
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Forest cat took a detour
Can say, picking up the scythe after learning gunbreaker maybe wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done. But it’s fun.
#ffxiv#ffxiv glamour#ffxiv reaper#ffxiv reaper glam#ayo'a ibori#serinus the chocobo#ixali vendor#friendly feathered got the cool dye#miqo'te#male miqo'te#I keep forgetting I can die when I pull the whole map
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My normal PSA:
I'm just posting my random poly relationship headcannons. I include MC, but I don't give many (if any) headcannons for MC due to the nature of the game being MC=you. These are just silly HC I thought of randomly. Hopefully you enjoy? I do occasionally swear in my Headcannons or make minor pop culture references. I also don't consider gender when using a gendered descriptor to get a silly point across (for example, Sylus is a wine Aunt. Aunt refers to a female individual, but used to portray a stereotype even though referring to a man). I think that really covers my headcannon style.
I do take requests, I will write for pretty much any lads ship, I will block underage accounts because I am an adult and I will post NSFW stuff.
Driving together/Who sits where? HC
Zayne:
- He is the driver... He knows he is the safest driver and will actually obey the street laws so he refuses to let anyone else drive when they are all traveling in a group.
- He is actually not a huge fan of driving, but he knows it's for the best if he drives
- kinda works out because he can get carsick, so having to focus on the road and driving helps him distract himself from the carsickness.
- buys a phone holder for his car because he can't trust Rafayel anymore to navigate.
- bought everyone phone charges that he keeps in the car
- "I'm the one always driving I get the final say in what car we buy" most interested in the actual specs of the car
- The few times he doesn't drive he and Sylus will swap and he will sit behind the driver seat.
- if he is not driving he will usually either be resting or watch Xavier play handheld games.
- he likes the windows cracked just a little bit
- keeps a spare blanket in the car for long trips
- phone is the second to die on a road trip, since now he has navigation pulled up the whole time
Rafayel:
- Passenger Princess. He sits front passenger side
- In exchange for the rights to the aux chord he has accepted his role as navigator. Although he is not good at it and it low-key drives Zayne crazy. He will pull Google maps up on his phone type in the address. Forget to start navigation before immediately going to his music app and plugging in the aux cord.
- mute Google maps so that it doesn't interrupt his music causing Zayne to miss the exit like 3 times
- but all is fixed now since Zayne got a phone holder.
- cannot sit normally in the car seat. Has the seatbelt tucked under is arm, leaning over the arm rest with one leg tucked under his butt. Or he is slouched so far down in the seat he can put his legs on the dash. Or he is leaning over the center console to talk to the boys in the back, fully twisted around basically not in his seat anymore with one leg fully on the seat propping him up over the center consult or the backrest FULLY turned around.
- constantly singing and dancing in his seat
- always showing Sylus and MC whatever dumb shit is on his phone (Xavier is usually asleep, when he isn't he will show Xavier)
- phone will always be the first to die on the car ride so he now just immediately plugs in when he gets in the car.
- only requirement for the car was heated seats
- usually the first person to get to the car and always has the car keys so he can just let himself in before giving the keys to Zayne when he gets to the car.
- he will leave his door open just so Sylus can shut it for him.
- Still calls "dibs" on front seat even though it's not a debate at this point.
- windows all the way down
Sylus:
- Sits behind Zayne on the driver side
- made sure that the car they got had a spacious back seat and cup holders. He was the second pickiest when choosing the car behind Zayne
- ended up buying a car for everyone because he can, and he wanted to appease everyone's desires
- Chats a lot with Rafayel since they are kiddy-corner from each other.
- will put his arm around Xavier so he can pull him over to his shoulder if he falls asleep so he doesn't slam into MC or crush MC
- sometimes it's just a sleep train MC on Xavier, Xavier on Sylus.
- The only one who can Sweet talk Zayne into switching so he can drive and give Zayne a break. "I promise I won't speed. Scouts honor. I'll be on my best behavior"
- holds the door open for the backseat crew and guides them in (like a gentleman), and closes the door for them when they settle in (he gets Rafayels door too) before he walks to the other side to get in himself.
- tinted windows all the way up, or maybe just a crack
- his phone will usually survive the trip unless he needs to make a lot of phone calls or watch a lot of secret camera footage that sent to his phone.
- casually just making huge moves in the the underground world on his phone. Like "oh yeah I just bought the whole stock of this underground auction." Just on a Tuesday afternoon car ride with the fam.
Xavier:
- He gets the back middle so if he falls asleep he can rest on Sylus or MC
- When he is not sleeping he will usually have some handheld game system he will play
- sometimes he gets a small headache which he can't ever tell if it is car sickness or if he is just dehydrated
- likes to look out the window sometimes and space out, so he is always waaaay in Sylus or MCs space
- tinted windows all the way up
- if he didn't bring a handheld game, he will play on his phone and his will be the third phone to die on the trip.
- the most chill passenger really. No notes.
MC:
- You get backseat behind Rafayel on the passenger side.
- You have full view of all your beautiful boys in this spot and you get to look out the window! Win-win
- it can get a little cramped if Xavier wants to look out the window or if he falls asleep.
- oftentimes Rafayel will turn all the way around in his seat just to talk to you.
- You also get full view of Zaynes frustrations... Poor guy
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Alright!! Let's say that the Other is pulled into the Fog, who would be the survivor counterpart to his killer? Option 1: Natalie, who he never kills and is now in an endless loop of cat and mouse with as well as other residents catching onto his obsession and only sparing her in the trials (maybe even going after killers who harm / kill her in their own trials). Option 2: Brooke, who is in a never-ending cycle of escape and be killed, and is always the target of the Other. (1 / 2)
Anon you're mind is simply so beautiful I want to live in it forever oh my god........................
First of all, can we acknowledge how absolutely bitchin' it would be to have a Hell Fest map??? Like if instead of being open in a themed field/neighborhood, it was all contained in a never ending haunted house maze????? I'd lose my mind. I would also lose my life several times because I have no sense of direction lmao.
God, both options are so good, especially with their angst potential. Because don't forget, The Other has kids, two of 'em. I can't imagine what additional damage that's going to do to his mind to know that they're abandoned and alone.
BUT LET'S START WITH OPTION ONE...I actually read a really similar fic for DBD Michael and Laurie! (inb4 anyone asks NO they were NOT siblings ofc he was just a slasher horny on main for a pretty girl). It's one of those observed patterns that people can be slow to pick up on simply because they can't believe it's real, and doubly so since there's plenty of survivors to rotate through. It's easy to use Nat as bait to lure The Other away for the survivors to escape first, just as easy as it is for The Other to use wounded survivors to lure Nat over to help so he can scoop her up himself. Yeah, he always lets her go at the exit and gets punished by The Entity for it, but he's pretty damn good in the other trails without Nat, so it all evens out.
It's also fun to imagine the downtime between trials, where Nat and The Other would have the option to leave their respective camps and roam around their designated "worlds" before the next game. Honestly, it feels like the cat and mouse never ends for Natalie, poor girl >:3c Nowhere she goes is safe from this psycho watching her. She almost prefers the trials when it's a random killer and she dies, because at least then she can appreciate the relief of being out of the hunt. But it also gives them a bit of time to become a little more...casual around each other. Nat's going to have to cycle through her stages of grief and eventually accept her new reality, where at least there's one killer that isn't looking to gut her. She's not happy still, but at least she doesn't flinch away anymore when The Other gives her his jacket because she's sulking in the cold for having lost a trial.
Option two is so fucking angst ridden though, it's unbelievable. It's not often you have more than one legit final girl, and I can imagine The Other being beyond pissed that he has to be stuck with the girl he wasn't able to kill in time rather than the girl he was actually stalking all night. I wonder if The Entity would give Brooke a similar "deal" that she has to survive a certain number of games in order to be reunited with Nat as a reward. It may be his final girl, but that's HER (literal) ride or die best friend forever, the idea of being separated and trapped with your bestie's slasher has to break her heart.
And The Other makes no show of hiding his distain of Brooke either. She's never shown any mercy, in fact he's the most ruthless with her. He'll ignore easy targets just to keep her knocked down, only hooking her at the very end so she has to suffer through her wounds the whole trial. He'll be damned if he doesn't reach the "quota" in record time to get the girl of his dreams. Obviously, the deal is likely rigged and neither of them would ever actually earn the reward of having Nat back, but imagine if somehow, someway...she did show up?
Never permanently, just periodically coming and going during some kind of glitch-in-the-matrix-slipping-through-the-backrooms type of deal due to how strongly she's connected to the two of them. Finally figuring out where her best friend has disappeared to, seeing what absolute hell she and other people are trapped in and trying to find a way to rescue her, and coming face to face once again with a murderer who will now stop at nothing to keep her here in the trails with him forever. The added threat that because she's not a survivor or a killer, if she dies, then that's it - permadeath.
#ask#anon#the other x natalie#slasher x final girl#natalie#the other#hell fest#hell fest 2018#this AU is so fucking good anon thank you
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I keep putting off writing about my Chill Season experiences so far because I want them to reach a satisfying narrative conclusion (something that is totally normal to want and possible to achieve) but I’m starting to forget them so I should probably just write them down in some rambling fashion.
I’m having fun. I tried out the nova for way too long and was inkcredibly awful at it, like so absolutely terrible and bad, setting records for number of times I can die in a match while getting zero splats, and for whatever reason I kept using it, hating it the whole time, demoralizing myself, wondering if I was just terrible at everything forever.
My housemate watching me tells me I am ‘too brave for this weapon’ and like, they have a point, god, no matter what weapon I play I have the single brain cell of a sploosh main and just want to charge recklessly into every situation.
I tried hanging back but god I just felt like I wasn’t doing anything even though it did work, I guess, in the sense that I survived more. But my aim is so bad that I felt like I was just being dead weight most of the time. I mean I was being dead weight charging in and dying all the time too but at least I felt like I was doing something!!
And then I switched to the new dapples and like. got 11 splats and top ink points the very next match. So it really is just that I’m extra atrocious at long-range anything, and not necessarily the entire game, at least.
Anyway, I really like Brinewater. I like how you can drop down to the side and get up to mid so quickly. I like how you start up so high and can see everything as you descend into the center. I have .... mixed feelings about Flounder Heights which is basically the opposite. It’s certainly a challenge I’ll need to adapt to, but right now it’s just fun in a novel way.
And the new (old) salmon run map, whoof. That is an interesting beast. It’s so ...long. I had an overall positive rotation but I’m sure grizzco splatana (a goddamn hot knife through butter, that thing) helped a lot there. Otherwise I mostly just kept getting lost and I have no idea how to effectively do grillers on that map. We didn’t even get glowflies once. I don’t know what we would have done.
But it’s so fun to have new places to run around, new mechanics to get used to, even though it’s hard. Maybe even because it’s hard, but it doesn’t ever really feel unfair. At least not at whatever level I’m at.
I bob between feeling like I do actually want to get better at this game and that maybe I would enjoy making a focused effort towards that, and fearing that if I start taking it too seriously I’m just falling back into the very trap this game pulled me out of (my tendency to take everything way too seriously and ruining my own fun for it). But logically it should be possible to aim to hone a skill while not staking anything meaningful on it. I don’t know that I’m capable of not being super intense about anything that I get involved with, but, I dunno. I’m probably overthinking it.
Like, I still haven’t tried ranked modes yet, and that’s really silly, three months in. Definitely overthinking it. Definitely need to just throw myself in there, like, yesterday, and make the best of the situation. Where is my splooshy brain cell when I need it!
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MTMTE 41-43
MTMTE 41
oh right I forgot about Thunderclash's death scare
Nautica with an entire gaggle of freaks in her room, just freakin it up
“Why is everyone being silly today?” Today???
hdfjsk I forgot that Brainstorm doesn't know how money works
aww Swerve misses Ratchet...
we did it, we finally made exactly one (1) step of progress in the actual quest what with the knights and such
oh right, Roddy's desk doodles that turn out to be a copy of the map that the matrix had, if I remember correctly
oof, Nautica and Firestar are making me have high school flashbacks lmfAO
oh, Thunderclash was also drawing the map. The same map, or part of the map and Roddy's got the other half? Fuck I was almost proud of myself for remembering a minute detail lmfAOsjadfk
I barely remember what these weird little parasite things are, I just remember that they feed of charisma and die immediately when Roddy and Megatron walk into the room lmAO
MTMTE 42
“Oh, and First Aid's there too- the poor man's Ratchet-” don't be fUCKING RUDE, SWERVE LEAVE HIM ALONE
I do find it unbelievably funny that the best way to deal with the Gender Conundrum that Simon Furman forced upon this transformers continuity is to just. Downplay it as much as possible and not make a big deal out of explaining why the robots use more than one set of pronouns, especially since the entire fucking reason we have this problem in the first place is because Furman could not stop himself from making a big deal out of it and creating a lore explanation instead of simply being normal about it lmfAO that's honestly why it matters so much that Anode's explanation for going from he to she was just “I found out that girls exist and thought they were pretty neat,” like that was truly all it took this whole time and Furman never had to do All That Shit
Skids is real sweet with Nautica
Jesus, rip Skystalker. Poor Firestar has clearly never had to deal with this kind of gore before lmAO
Thunderclash's speech here is simultaneously funny because of how overly heroic and perfect he's being and also genuinely touching lmAOgdfjks I am not immune to Thunderclash's pull... “For every act of aggression there are a thousand acts of kindness, for every hateful word, a million declarations of love” is hitting me particularly hard after having been on Twitter for the last few years. Like yeah yeah bird website bad (or I guess it's the letter website now but I'm gonna be real I'm calling it Twitter forever) but like actually, I'm not just dunking on it for laughs, it is a website designed to thrive off of negativity and it is also unfortunately the best social media platform available so it's the only place you can reliably find everyone from all over. So for a lot of us, our only option for keeping in touch with a lot of our friends and peers has just been forcing the most soul-draining bullshit in front of our eyes for years and it's hard not to start thinking that the world is just an inherently awful place, but it's not. We're just being shown so much of the bad at such a constant rate that we forget that there is just as much good, the good isn't an outlier, it's just getting buried by algorithms. It really doesn't help how much other websites are also going down this road of “all attention is good attention and making people upset gets the most attention so we'll just constantly churn out rage bait so our funny little engagement number go up”
like. I'm reading all this explanation on “personality ticks” and thinking back to Ratchet checking everyone for “super scraplets” and First Aid being like “really? That's the best you could come up with?” as if it was too stupid and yet here we are dealing with this
I do love how it was a group of nobodies who saved the day from the charisma-eating parasites, good for them, good to know if all our showoffs can't handle a situation, team nobodies has still got us covered lmAO
aww good for Firestar and Nautica for starting to put in some genuine effort in their relationship
oof hgdjfks and on the other hand we've got Cyclonus and Tailgate not quite putting in enough effort, Getaway has thoroughly sunk his grimy little claws into Tailgate's heart at this point, noooooooo
ooh Swearth is next hell yeah
MTMTE 43
I said it before but I'm still so glad for the new holomatter avatar designs lmAO granted not all of them are winners, I'm gonna be real Rewind's avatar is kinda boring, but they're still leagues better than the old designs
“Bluestreak said you don't look very twenty fifteen-y.” casually crumbles into dust lmfAO this DID come out in 2015 huh... that's almost a decade ago........
this fuckin rendition of the Cheers theme, fuck off lmAO
oh that's right, First Aid had to go do combiner shit for a minute lmAO
it's weird seeing all the human-sized holomatter avatars next to Rodimus, I frequently forget the robots are giant since it's mostly just them interacting with each other
I do think it's interesting that Swerve's avatar gets split into three different facets of himself, I've said “we stan a multitalented king” but I guess we're taking that to its extreme here huh lmAO
god. I hate that I still find Roddy's holomatter avatar hot lmfAO I am forever afflicted with this curse. I wanna run my fingers through his stupid mullet
gonna be real, Bluestreak is kind of a random pull for this issue but I appreciate it nonetheless because his avatar is very cute
aww Skids... come on buddy it's not your fault you couldn't have known anything was wrong
man, poor Swerve. I fuckin get it though, I didn't quite get as bad as almost dying, but being covid-conscious plus a bunch of personal losses and tragedies have left me rotting in my house for years and all that lack of self care left me with three kidney stones, one of which was so intensely painful it traumatized me into taking better care of myself last year and the other two I've been battling as I've done this reread. Shit's rough and it is so easy to not take proper care of yourself when you're too physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained
still so funny that all the Swerve recap pages were just canon, like no this is plot relevant, remember these
something something meta commentary on how MTMTE, much like the sitcoms Swerve loves so much, is also a story about misfits and failures who are trapped with each other and get on each others nerves but they overcome various obstacles and, in the end, they come to like each other. I don't have the brain power right now to do it justice but yeah, that is absolutely what this comic is to me, same hat Swerve
I really do like that Cyclonus likes Swerve, I definitely noticed at least a couple little background moments throughout the comic with them interacting and I love that it culminates into this moment where Cyclonus can just come out and say it
uuuuuUUUGHGFSND that little group picture with Ambulon, Ratchet, and First Aid still kicks my ass
oh shit that's right, the bullet that was a message from Dominus, I completely fucking forgot
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Wheels Up
Characters: Spencer Reid, Reader (Y/N), Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Derek Morgan, Savannah Hayes, Emily Prentiss, Elle Greenaway, Tara Lewis, Jennifer Jareau, Matt Simmons, Luke Alvez
Summary: JJ goes on maternity leave, Spencer falls in love with her replacement that he's supposed to be mentoring, Emily Prentiss and Elle Greenaway work a case together that brings Simmons and Alvez in for help...
Warnings: Genius!Reader, mutual pining, idiots in love, drinking, star gazing, lots of fluff, mentions of past assault, grooming, drug addiction, spencer's trauma, Abductions, Rape, Murder (typical canon violence)
word count: 9.4K
a/n: this is for @starry-eyed-spence and @simmonsmilf CM fanfiction week, Day One: Favorite Character... only I couldn't pick just one.
To say Spencer fell in love at the least opportune time was a bit of an understatement. Everyone he’s ever come close to admitting his love to has either left him or died. Now he’s stuck with loving someone in secret, keeping it to himself and hoping that one day she’ll love him back.
He fell in love with a co-worker once again… which wasn’t the worst thing, office romances happen and it’s quite frankly all Rossi’s fault that they even had to worry about fraternization policies. The part that makes liking Y/N so difficult is that he’s supposed to be her mentor, he’s 5 years older than her, and if he was to ever make a move she would feel inclined to reciprocate in order to keep her job because that’s the unfortunate truth behind office relationships with significant differences in positions.
And worst of all… she doesn’t like him that way at all. She’s called him the brother she always needed, a best friend, the best mentor ever. She wasn’t interested in him in the slightest.
“And why would she be?” He’s said this to everyone who knew about his crush on her. “I’m old and boring and she’s so cool?”
But he didn’t get it. He didn’t understand that every time she asked him to hang back to help her file something, or when they would buddy up in hotel rooms to discuss cases all night and end up down some star trek rabbit hole instead, every time he talked to her she was falling in love with him right back.
It once again all circles back to Rossi, if it wasn’t for him, Spencer wouldn’t even know her. She wouldn’t have ever been introduced to the unit, he wouldn’t be attached to her at the hip and he probably wouldn’t be as happy as he is with her in his life. Even if she wasn’t his girlfriend.
He’ll never forget the day Rossi asked him to meet her, to help her settle in…
“Spencer, can I talk to you for a minute?” Rossi called him into his office.
He sighed, putting his book down and walking up the stairs to his office. He closed the door behind himself and smiled awkwardly, “what’s up?”
“Sit,” he gestures to the chairs in front of his desk, where Spencer pulls one out and proceeds to sit down, anxiously. “As you know, both Kate and JJ will be out of the field in the next few months to have their babies and we need to bring someone in to fill the void until they return, so I reached out to the academy to see if they have any up and coming Dr. Reid like agents that they could loan us.”
“Why?” Spencer laughs at the choice of words.
“Well, honestly, why get new 2 agents when we could have two Reid’s? JJ will be back after a month or 2, it’s better to have more brains than brawn.”
“So they found someone and you want me to be their chaperone?” Spencer clues in. “Who are they?”
“Y/N Y/L/N, she’s a wonderful agent, but she’s pretty quiet, I don’t know much about her personally.” Rossi prefaces. “She’s a genius, high IQ like yours and just a plethora of knowledge inside that mind of hers. You’ll like her.”
“Alright,” he nods. “When do they start?”
“When JJ’s water breaks, but I’d like you to meet them and maybe even have them shadow you for a day?” Rossi asks, “I’ve actually arranged for you both to get dinner at a friend's restaurant?”
“Is this an arranged date or purely business? Don’t send me in there blind,” he worries. “I need at least a week's prep before I go on a date again.”
“It’s not a date, kid,” Rossi laughs. “She's just a lot like you were when I met you, and I know from watching you all these years that it’s not easy to do it alone, so can you just walk them through it?”
“Of course.”
That first dinner Rossi set up for them was more exquisite than either of them prepared for.
They spent the whole night discussing dissertations and their independent journeys through becoming a genius. He understood perfectly why Rossi and the Academy would think she was a lot like him, she was a genius, but she was awkward. It took a while for her to break out of her shell and open up, but by the end of the night, he already knew they were going to be friends.
“So,” she smirks, “would you mind telling me honestly how hard this job is?”
“Why?”
She sighs, “I’ve heard a lot about Thee Doctor Reid and how you were the youngest hired to the BAU and all the shit you’ve been through.”
“What are the rumours these days?” He awkwardly smiles back, rolling his eyes slightly.
“That you were brain dead in a cemetery from an overdose and yet you’re so smart you came back from the dead to kill the unsub and escape…” she looks more and more disappointed in the rumour as she tells it.
His tongue hits the roof of his mouth as he opens it to speak, making a tsk noise as he shakes his head. “Well, I did OD but it was the unsubs main personality that resuscitated me.”
“Holy shit,” she whispers.
He nods, “what about you? I’m sure you have a reputation based on a rumour?”
She presses her lips together the way he always did, just as awkward. She sighs, huffing the air out of her nose and looking fed up. “I was groomed and assaulted by an older boy who then told kids I had a stalkerish crush on him so if I was to ever tell anyone what happened, then no one would believe me.”
“I’m so sorry,” Spencer knows the words don’t make up for what happened. “I’m guessing that’s why you wanted to get into profiling?”
She nods, “I got away with some PTSD and trust issues, most girls go through much worse… they deserve someone who gets it to look into their cases.”
Spencer nods. “That’s how I felt after my kidnapping too. It took a while for me to look at crime scene photos and not think about how they felt, and wonder why I lived when so many die?”
“I’ve never been a religious person,” she prefaces. “But I do believe we are here for a reason. Whether you choseto be here after your last life or this is some learning opportunity, or God is actually real? And you’re supposed to do good.”
“In narcotics anonymous, they reference god a lot, it’s helpful for the addicts, but I never get into it,” he opens up with her more than he’s ever opened up with any friend. “If my Devine purpose is to suffer in order to relate to those I’m supposed to help that’s a load of bullshit… honestly, I can get pretty angry thinking about why I’ve gone through what I’ve gone through doing this job, but it’s not as bad as what happened to me growing up, and it leads me to believe that I probably wouldn’t have had an easy time no matter how I live.”
She nods, “I know, I get that.”
“Sorry,” he snaps out of it. “I didn’t mean to trauma dump on you.”
“It’s exactly what I asked for actually,” she reminds him with a soft smile. “If you can still come to work every day, after all that, you must be incredibly strong— and if I’m anything like you the way people say I am, I guess I can do it too.”
He had no idea she would end up being his best friend.
She shadowed him just once in the office, picked up everything right off the bat and immediately made a name for herself in the unit. Derek tried multiple names on her before one stuck, and they knew it stuck when even Hotch called her Baby Genius.
She brought a different knowledge base to the team, similar to Spencers but visibly younger. She fit in with the crowds of kids they had to interview, she understood why kids reacted the way they did to trauma and abuse, and she was still a kid at heart. It was the reason Spencer fell for her.
She allowed him to feel free again. They went out together outside of work, going to events he always wanted to go to with a partner but never had a chance. She loved all the same things as him, and she takes him to places he’d never imagine enjoying before her.
Like laser tag… that was an afternoon he’ll never forget with her.
When JJ went into labour, that’s when Y/N started full time and Hotch hired Tara Lewis in the same week. The team barely had time to adjust to being undermanned before they were restocked.
Joining Spencer every morning for every case, she waited out front of her apartment for him to pick her up most mornings, sticking to his side throughout the long days and nights until he drove her home again. Even at work, they were partnered up for everything: heading to the M.E. together, bouncing facts back and forth at the precinct, playing good cop bad cop with perverts, and her personal favourite… Making the geoprofile.
And Spencer liked doing that part with her as well. Because it typically meant they were completely alone in a room, spreading out a map and leaning in close to each other as they placed every sticker and marker. Brushing hands, bumping shoulders, longing glances as they made connections… he also just liked to watch her hands move.
She was delicate and careful and precise… and he was falling in love with everything about her as the days went by.
Everyone on the team had noticed. It was really hard not to when they’ve all known Spencer for almost 11 years now. He was so different with her in his life, he was happy and giddy and dressing even better than before. His hair was perfect and he was glued to Y/N’s side. Or she was glued to his.
Even though they were mentally similar, physically they were polar opposites. Y/N wore all black and was a lot more outgoing than they expected. Rossi thought she’d be quiet… But she was constantly talking. To Spencer, to other officers, to witnesses, she never stopped talking and starting conversations, and thank god she did because she’s cracked 4 cases that way.
The biggest surprise the team learned about her happened on a case in Florida, a shooting in a local park in broad daylight with lots of witnesses meant the whole team was on the boardwalk asking questions. She went out to do her thing, talking to the local skaters, asking them if they knew anything but they didn’t want to cooperate.
They were too cool for the feds.
“Can I see your board?” She asks, “if I do some tricks will you answer some questions for me and Doctor Reid?”
“Knock yourself out,” one of the boys laughs as he hands her his board.
She hands Spencer her gun and shoots him a wink before taking off to do a few tricks. The whole team watches in awe then as Y/N showed off. Cruising along the halfpipe effortlessly like she was a professional.
“Okay Tony Hawk,” Morgan teases her, “where did that come from?”
“Skateboarding is easy, it’s just physics,” she shrugs. “I can figure skate too…”
“What do you want to know?” The boy takes his board back. “We always see some sketchy guys around here.”
Morgan pats Y/N on the back with a smile, applauding her ability to get anyone to open up before leaving her to take the statement.
“Agent?” One of the girls pulls her aside just before they are about to leave, “how did you do that kickflip? I’ve been trying to learn and the boys won't help me.”
“Sure thing,” she takes the girl's board and demonstrates a kickflip first.
“So, you see as I start the kickflip I bend my knees?” She shows her another kickflip all while explaining it. “Much like the with an ollie, I’m building pressure so I can apply it to the tail, making the board pop. The one thing that makes this trick different from the ollie is that instead of sliding my foot up, I just flick my toe out to the right of the board, by doing this, the board flips in a 360-degree motion.
She demonstrates again and it’s another flawless kickflip, and a huge smile on her face as Spencer watches her.
“How fast the board spins depends on how much force I put into it when I flick it out. As soon as the board flips in a full 360, your feet should connect and drive the board back to the ground.”
She hands the board back to the girl, “your turn.”
She takes a deep breath and shakes her nerves out before taking off on her board, looping around and carefully bending her knees, she follows every step and it’s a flawless kickflip.
“Flawless!!” Y/N claps. “Those boys better watch out, you’re a natural.”
“Thank you,” she wraps her arms around Y/N and gives her a hug, “it’s taken me so long to be able to do that, you’re so cool.”
“You’re welcome,” she smiles. “Good luck out there.”
She waves as she takes off on her board, leaving Y/N with a smile as she turns to Spencer. “I miss being that age and thinking everything is so cool.”
“You are really cool,” he agrees. Smiling softly as a blush fills his cheeks. “You’re always surprising me. Is there anything you can’t do?”
She laughs, “yeah the one thing I want to do the most.”
“Which is?”
She sighs, “maybe I’ll tell you someday.”
—
He’s sitting beside Penelope and Savannah, watching Derek and Y/N get drinks for what’s left of the group as the night drags on.
“When are you going to tell her?” Savannah asks.
“What?” Spencer pretends he doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
“You have a crush on the new girl…” she pokes his cheek as he blushes and gives it away. “Tell her, what’s the worst that can happen?”
“She could feel forced to say yes because I’m a supervisory special agent and she isn’t and she wants to keep her job so she feels like she needs to,” Spencer worries. “I want her to like me back because she fell for me and I want her to initiate it because then I’ll know it’s not just a power dynamic issue.”
“Have you tried asking her, genius?” Penelope teases. “Because if you asked her then you’d know she has a crush on you and she’s afraid you’ll turn her down because you’re an SSA and she isn’t.”
“When did you hear that?”
Penelope pretends to lock up her lips and throw away the key, making Savannah laugh loud enough to get Derek's attention at the bar. When he and Y/N return, that’s when the questions start.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” Spencer gets up and leaves the booth, walking out towards the smokers' exit at the back of the bar, getting a moment of semi-fresh air to think about what Penelope said.
“Spence?” She calls to him from the door, “are you okay? Can I come out here?”
“Yeah,” he nods. “Sorry, I needed some air, it’s nothing.”
“Do you need a hug? I read it helps the most when people are stressed out,” she plays it off with a shrug.
“So you do have a crush on me?”
“She told you?” Her face lights with fury, “what the fuck, Penelope?”
“She didn’t mean to,” he tries to cover it up. “It was only brought up because I have feelings for you as well.”
Her eyes widen, her brows raise and her mouth slowly opens as she freezes.
“Y/N?”
She blinks a few times and shakes her head, “impossible. There’s no way.”
He laughs, “I’ll take that hug now?”
She lunges for him and wraps her arms around him so tight. Breathing him in, her hands wander his back as she takes in every second if it and he does the same. He can’t believe she’s that close to him, her hair smells nice and she’s so soft in his arms.
It’s quiet outside, they can hear the music behind the door, the people in the ally talking and the crickets in the night. It’s just them outside, holding each other in the smoking section with smiles on their faces, amazed that it’s finally happening.
“Can we keep this between us?” She whispers into his ear. “Just for a bit? I don’t want to go through all the paperwork and have to separate in the field if it doesn’t work out?”
“Wait,” Spencer pulls back. “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”
She nods, “well yeah isn’t that what happens when two people have a mutual crush? They date?”
“Okay,” he smiles, staring at her lips and then flicking his gaze back to hers with a blush. “I have more than a crush on you, I really, really like you.”
“Prove it,” she teases, “let's go on a real date soon?”
“You know what, let’s get out of here. I have something I want to show you,” he takes her hand and waits for her to nod.
“Take my lead okay? You don’t feel good and you’re going to wait outside while I say goodbye,” she has a plan right away
“After you,” he holds the door open for her and lets her inside first.
—
“I’m taking Spencer home, he’s not doing well,” she’s a much better actress than Spencer expected, patting his back and watching him leave the bar before her like she asked him to do. “He’s really anxious?”
Penelope looks worried, “oh no, I fucked up. I told him you like him.”
She just shrugs, “if he didn’t know that already then I guess he’s not as smart as he pretends to be.”
“See,” Derek looks at Savannah. “I told you everyone else also thinks he’s faking being that smart.”
“Shut up,” she shoves him and turns her attention back to Y/N. “Go make him feel better, he’ll like your company.”
“I’ll see you guys at work on Monday,” she waves them goodbye, surprised they bought it as she rushes her way back outside to Spencer.
He’s already in his car, engine running and waiting for her with a smile. “Come on,” he hurries her inside and is taking off down the road before she even has her seatbelt on yet.
“What’s the rush, Spence? It’s only 1 in the morning I’m sure tones of places are open still?” She teases.
“You’re going to like this, I used to go here all the time when I started with the bureau,” he explains, leaving the main road to take a back root, and eventually they’re driving on gravel.
“If you’re taking me here to murder me this is a dumb way to do it because they all know I left with you,” she teases. “At least when you go to get rid of me, do yourself a favour and dig 6 one-foot holes instead of one 6 foot hole…”
He laughs, “would you really give your murderer tips?”
She nods, “my goal would be to piss him off so much he either lets me go or murders me quickly. I don’t want to go through all the pain.”
“It’s not fun, that’s for sure,” he shrugs it off but she knows it hits too hard.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, reaching her hand out for his to hold by the gear shift. “I think you’re like the strongest guy in the world, you know that, right?”
“Why?” He asks as if that's a preposterous thing to say.
“I think if I got kidnapped and tortured at 24 I wouldn’t still be working in the FBI,” she admits. “I barely made it through the academy, I know this job is intense but I don’t think I could handle being in that situation.”
“If it’s up to me,” Spencer squeezes her hand tighter and brings it to his lips for a kiss. “You’ll never experience anything like that.”
He’s so good at making her feel safe that she almost believes he has the power to do that. He would do anything and everything to move fate for her safety.
He turns down another back road then, around the edge of a lake and towards a clearing. He follows old tire tracks and parks by the dock. “I found this spot one night on a random drive to clear my head.”
“I thought you hated driving?” She quizzes him.
He shrugs, “I like to drive at night when no one else is on the road because then I don’t really have to worry about anyone else. I hate driving because I can’t always anticipate other drivers' movements. If I could read minds, then I’d drive more.”
“Valid,” she nods, “now why is this such a special spot that you needed to show me right away?”
“Well, I have a telescope and it’s been in my trunk for the last 13 years so that every time I come here, I can look up at the moon…”
“You brought me here to look at the moon with you?” She swoons, “that’s so cute.”
“You think?” He looks like his heart is doing the same swelling as hers.
She gets out of the car before she can lean over and kiss him the way she wants to. In his trunk, he does have a telescope, and a blanket, which they set out on the dock and sit upon.
The sound of the lake, the loons in the distance, frogs and crickets and music travelling from somewhere down the lake. The moon was big, the stars were amazing, and this was the closest she has ever seen them. It's amazing, and of course, it was Spencer showing her everything.
He was everything to her.
And it didn’t take long for him to become everything to her either.
Joining the BAU was a dream to many at the academy, but Y/N never thought that she would get the job, overjoyed that she did. They were a family unit; they got the job done, they protected each other, and it was a wonderful environment to be a part of. She obviously liked Spencer the most out of everyone. He took her in, he made her feel comfortable and safe and she opened up more with him than she has with anyone she’s labelled a “best friend” in the past.
She liked everything about him. The way he talked with his hands, how his sweater, vest, shirt and tie always match, his gun looks a little out of place on his belt, like it’s too big for him, but it’s cute. His hair’s been getting longer too, sometimes he wears glasses and sometimes if she’s lucky, he doesn’t shave every day.
She can’t take her eyes off him when he’s busy and won't notice, just to then move her focus away when he stared at her. She only wishes she could see the way he stares at her in awe, because if it’s anything like how she looks at him, he must love her.
She keeps her hand in his, trading the telescope back and forth in turns, her face was close to his every time they switched and she kept getting bolder with each exchange. Letting Spencer look, she kept her face close to his, kissing his cheek softly as soon as he was busy peering up at the moon.
He turned to her with a gasp, “what was that for?”
“You’re cute,” she shrugs. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while.”
“How long?” He teases, leaning in closer and kissing her nose to make her laugh.
“Since you dropped me off at my house after that first dinner…”
“So this is me,” she nods out the window, “thank you for the ride, I appreciate not having to be in an Uber all by myself.”
“Anytime you need a ride, you can give me a call?” He asks. “Seeing as we’ll be going to the same place anyway.”
She nods with a smile, “I’d love that, do you live close to here?”
“Just up the street,” he nods. “So we could carpool?”
“I can drive some days if you want?” She asks, “I know you mostly take the subway, and I know that because I’ve seen you reading on there before.”
He can’t help but smile, “so you never thought to say hello?”
“No,” she shakes her head, “you looked peaceful, and I’m sure you don’t get many moments like that in your line of work.”
He sighed, knowing she was right. “If it ever gets to be too much for you, please never feel like you have to pretend to be okay? None of us expect you to be stone cold, none of us are either. The job gets to us, just tell me if it gets to be too much?”
She looks from his lips back to his eyes and over again, “thanks, Spencer.”
He does the same to her, “anytime. Should I walk you to your door?”
She shakes her head, “that’s okay you’ve done enough for me tonight.”
“Fair enough,” he laughs. “Have a good night Y/N.”
“You too, Spencer,” she smiles before she exits his car, smiling at him from her porch before he drives away.
“So it’s been mutual this whole time?” He shakes his head at the absurdity. “I’ve been so lonely for so long and then I found you and you make me feel like I don’t need to be alone anymore.”
“You complete me too,” she makes one more comment before connecting their lips.
It’s like the world stops then. It’s silent and serene and everything she thought kissing Spencer Reid would be.
She pulls back with a smirk, “oh no.”
“What?” He worries.
“I’m going to want to kiss you all the time now…”
“Good,” he mumbles the words against her lips before reconnecting them.
—
At work on Monday, it’s very hard for them to look at each other without remembering that they’ve kissed. Spencer’s practically glowing with admiration for her that he gives it all away. He’s overly happy, offering to do things for others, standing way too close to her and bringing her coffee all morning.
“Okay, pretty boy,” Derek takes him by the scruff of the neck and redirects him into his office. “What’s going on with you today, I know you’re not this happy for JJ’s return?”
“What do you mean?”
“Did you get laid or something?”
Spencer laughs, “no, you know I don’t get laid. You actually remind me of that fact quite often.”
“You’re so happy I’m worried you’ve moved to crack,” he says it. “Okay, you were acting weird on Friday, you missed brunch on Sunday and now you’re waaay too happy.”
“I’m not on drugs again,” Spencer assures him. “I’m just letting myself enjoy my time with Y/N, if she falls in love with me in the meantime that would also be nice.”
“Oh, so you’re doing this to get laid,” Derek teases him again. “That’s good, I’m sorry if I triggered you by asking, but I had to make sure you’re okay.”
“No, no,” he places his hands on Derek's shoulders, “thank you for caring.”
“Always—“
“Guys!” They hear Hotch yelling from the bullpen, cutting the tender moment short, saving Spencer from spilling the truth.
Rushing back, he sits beside Y/N at the briefing room table. “We have a bad one,” Emily Prentiss of all people walks in the door, followed by Elle Greenaway.
“We’ll have time to mingle in a minute, right now there is a woman who needs our help,” he announces.
Spencer quickly reads over the case files, recognizing Elles handwritten notes, she was a private investigator now. “With Penelope’s help, I’ve been able to set up alerts in College chatrooms in the area so that I can help to missing and assaulted women right away.”
“She’s alerted when someone reports a missing woman and she has advertisements for people to reach out to her for help,” Penelope explained.
“I’ve been working on these cases for the last 9 years,” Elle announces. “This morning Aasia Desai called me saying her sister Bahni never showed up for lunch and it’s not like her, we know she went clubbing last night and so far Penelope’s tracked her down an ally and then she’s gone.”
“Her parents are British diplomats so Interpol has asked me to join, luckily I was just in Ontario so it was a short trip over,” Emily adds. “JJ will be here in half an hour for her first day back, and we will celebrate when we can, but I see we have some new faces here?”
“Special Agent Y/N Y/L/N,” she waves, still glued to Spencer’s side. “I’ve heard a lot about you both from Doctor Reid.”
“Doctor Tara Lewis,” she stands and shakes Emily’s hand, and then Elles.
“So it says here that the first missing case was in 2006 just after you left the BAU?” Spencer changes the subject before anyone can pry into why he would be telling her about the women who worked there before her.
“I did,” Elle nods. “I was too late for her, by the time her parents realized she was missing and called me in the case was cold. I started this as a way to get ahead of it.”
“How long has she been missing?” Tara asks.
“She was last seen at 1:07 this morning,” Elle confirms. “We have 25 hours, maybe, to beat the odds.”
“Reid,” Hotch cuts in, “I would like you and Elle to go check out the street she was last seen on, find any private cameras or anyone who might have seen something.”
He turns to Y/N who just shrugs in silence; “it’s fine.”
“Tara and Derek, I’d like you to interview Aasia when she and JJ get here, Garcia can you do a deep dive into Bahni’s spending and academic records?”
“Sure thing,” she starts clicking away on her computer immediately.
“And Y/N,” Elle looks at her. “I need you to go over the footage of the man who followed her to the alley and get familiar with his face. We’re using you as the face of the investigation to hopefully draw the unsub out.”
“How would she be able to do that alone?” Spencer gets defensive, a way he used to with JJ when she was the media liaison.
“If she goes on the news and makes Bahni seem like a person while describing the unsub as someone who can help solve the case, it will draw him out,” Emily explains for Hotch, who is glaring at Spencer for second-guessing the plan already.
“And she’s college-age,” Elle adds. “If that’s who he’s been going after all this time he will want to come in and talk IF he can talk to her.”
She places her hand on his leg under the table, “it’s a good plan.”
“It is,” Hotch agrees.
“What do you not have a saying to replace wheels up when they stay in town?” Elle teases him.
“Wheels away?” Emily joins her, “that works?”
“just get to work,” Hotch tries not to smirk at them.
Spencer stands up to leave with Elle, “can I just talk to Spencer before he leaves?” She carefully asks Hotch.
“Make it quick,” he agrees reluctantly and lets her follow him down to his desk.
Spencer rests his hands on the back of his desk chair, holding it tightly in an attempt to calm himself down.
“I’m going to be fine,” she assures him. “I don’t think the guy on the tape took her, we’d see him leave if he did.”
“Unless he lives in the alley,” Spencer combats. “Can you ask Penelope to do a background check on all the cars coming in and out of the campus and that street between midnight at 2 am?”
She nods, placing her hand on his gently. “Good luck out there, okay?”
He nods, “it’s been 2 days they’re going to know by the end of the week.”
She laughs, “so be it.”
He says fuck it right then and there, wrapping her up in a hug and kissing the top of her head as the team watches in the briefing room. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yes you will,” she smacks his side as he lets her go. “If you’re going to make a scene at least give me a real kiss.”
“Hmm,” he teases. “No cause then I’d have to sign some paperwork and I’ve got to go…” he starts to back away.
“Coward,” she teases.
He just shrugs, meeting Elle by the door and heading towards the elevators in silence.
She doesn’t ask, not even when they get to the garage or inside the SUV. They’re driving down the road for maybe 2 minutes when Elle finally brings it up. “So—”
“What do you want to know?”
“It's that easy now? What happened to you?” She teases. “You’re so different from the baby Spence I left.”
“Well you missed my drug problem, my dad being a possible child molester, getting shot in the knee, getting shot in the neck, my girlfriend dying, and now my mom might have Alzheimer's so you know… I had to grow up a bit,” he lays it all out for her to ask any question she wants.
“Why don’t you ever call me? I would have been there for you through anything,” she reminds him.
“I know that,” he reaches over for her hand, “thank you. But I was a big fan of suffering in silence… and now I have Y/N and she makes me feel normal?”
“That’s good, you deserve some fraction of normal in your life and she’s really cute,” Elle smiles back at him before returning her focus to the road. “How old is she?”
“27,” he smiles. “She’s the best.”
“You love her,” Elle notices it.
He presses his lips together to fend off a smile as he nods, “I think I do.”
“Tell her, you deserve to hear that someone loves you back.”
—
She’s anxiously tapping her foot as she waits for the elevator to arrive with the suspect, Rossi standing just behind her. Only 15 minutes after being on the news, the man that was in the security footage contacted them. Making his way over for a voluntary interview.
He looks Y/N up and down with a smile, “I heard you were looking for me.”
“I sure was,” she plays along with it, smiling and making him think she’s interested as well. “I knew you’d get the message, we just need all the help we can get right now.”
“Of course,” he has his ego stroked so well that they can roll with it.
“Would you mind coming with me and Agent Rossi to talk about everything you saw?” She batts her lashes at him, really selling it.
“Sure,” he follows them down the hall.
Rossi opens the door and lets them in first, letting her get him settled and a glass of water. “So you can tell me everything from that night?”
“Sure,” he nods, explaining his taxi job, his run for the night and his alibi.
“So why did you step back into the doorway?” She asks as she sits in front of him. Straight-faced as she catches him off guard.
“Excuse me?”
“You stepped out of the way to let her pass and then followed her, she made no motion to say she wanted your services, so I’m just wondering why you would follow her before she disappeared?”
“Huh,” he suddenly feels played and his personality switches. “I thought this was just a chat?”
“I’m simply asking you questions? If you don’t have answers that makes you suspicious. An innocent person would have given me an answer,” she fights back.
“She’s right, you got very defensive very fast,” Rossi finally speaks up.
He shakes his head with a huff. “I was going to ask if she needed a ride, she looked pretty messed up. And then some guy came over and wrapped his arm around her and they walked off. They seemed to know one another. I thought she was safe in his hands.”
Only his tone doesn’t match the words. He sounds jealous— It’s not like she would have been a large tab, he wasn’t jealous because he lost a customer. No, he’s jealous like someone stepped in and prevented him from snatching an easy victim.
“Fair enough,” she pretends to believe him. “Thank you for your cooperation.”
“I can go now?” He changes right back to confused.
She nods, “I’ll escort you down if you’d like?”
“Thanks,” he stands and follows her to the door where Rossi stops her.
“Are you sure?”
She nods, “I’ll be back up shortly.”
She catches up with him by the elevators, “did you have to drive far to get here?” She makes small talk.
“Not really,” he shakes it off. “I like your necklace.”
She touches her necklace and her face drops, “thanks.”
“Necklaces are my favourite.”
“You don’t wear any?” She notices in the form of a question.
He shakes his head as the elevator opens at the ground level. “I think they’re nice gifts.”
She nods along, pretending that didn’t set off every ret alert and alarm in her mind, “well here you are. Thanks again for all the help.”
“No problem,” he goes to leave, turning to stop and block the doors from closing. “If you want, later tonight I can show you everything I saw at the alley?”
“Yeah, sure,” she agrees with no plan to go.
“8 pm? At Cafe Linda?”
“See you then,” she agrees and he steps back letting the door close and then she loses her cool.
Feverishly smashing the floor 6 button, and begging to make it back up to Hotch to tell him everything. But she also just wants to cry but she holds it in as she makes it to their floor matching past Rossi and right into the briefing room.
“He may not be our unsub but that man is a creep,” she announces. “He not only complimented my necklace but he asked me to come to the alley tonight so he can walk me through what he saw.”
“You’re not going,” Hotch announces.
“I didn’t plan to,” she snaps. “I think we need to look into him because he’s either giving little girls necklaces to keep them quiet or he’s taking necklaces after he kills women.”
“Kathy’s parents said she was in a necklace when she went missing,” Emily adds. “His connection to this case and being at NYU right before she went missing gives us enough probable cause for a search warrant.”
Hotch sighs, “fine. I’ll call a judge, you and Y/N can go and search his place.”
“So shouldn’t we arrest him before he leaves the building?” Morgan asks.
“He’s still in the garage, I’ve let the security know to stop him and arrest him at the gate,” Garcia adds, listening in and planning in advance.
“Thank you,” Hotch smiles at her, “you’re always reading my mind.”
Garcia smiles back at him, “always, sir.”
“Okay, let’s go,” she looks at Emily and waiting for her to turn to leave the room.
“Let’s,” she motions for Y/N to take the lead and follows.
The drive to his house is so weird… she doesn’t quite know how to talk to Emily, knowing only slightly about her and her knowing nothing about Y/N.
“So how long have you and Spencer been dating?” Her first question just gets right to the point.
She laughs awkwardly, “3 days…”
“Oh…”
She hums as she nods along, looking out the window and avoiding Emily’s eye contact. “It’s new, we’re both pretty infatuated with each other but we’re taking it slower than most people because I’m afraid to let my feelings change how I do the job.”
“Makes sense,” Emily replies. Her voice is so sweet, she has an aura of calm that follows her and lets Y/N feel safe. She gets why Spencer said she was his best friend on the team before her.
“The necklace comment… why did it make you so wary of this guy?”
“When I was in middle school a guy gave me a necklace while he was grooming me,” she whispers. Looking out the window and pretending it doesn’t bother her now. “It’s fine, I don’t have it anymore, but I knew this guy had that same vibe.”
Emily put her hand out, letting Y/N interlock their fingers and hold it. “I know I just met you, but you’re family now. I’m here if you’re ever suddenly not fine with it anymore…”
“Thanks,” she smiles. “Let’s get this fucker.”
—
By the time the warrant went through, Spencer and Elle had joined them to search the first suspect's house while Emily left to help the rest of the team with suspect two. Tracking all the license plates in the area like Spencer suggested lead them to a Chinese food delivery driver in the area.
That didn’t stop Y/N from destroying her suspect's house. They tore the house apart, searching every nook and cranny for any answer that would make sense. She was tempted to lift the floorboards up, call in SCSI to run ground-penetrating radar and search the fucking walls if they had to.
But then she found it.
A small metal box in the laundry room contained some tools and when she lifted up the fake bottom, she found 5 necklaces.
“Elle!!” She yelled through the house.
They both came running down the hall to her, “is this Kathy’s necklace?”
“Oh my god,” she whispered with a nod.
“I want to kill this guy,” she mumbles under her breath as she places the necklaces back in the box and closes it up.
“Spencer doesn’t need another girl he has a crush on to murder someone and get kicked out of the bureau,” Elle teases.
“What?” Y/N asks.
“Way to go,” Spencer nudges her.
Y/N stands up with the box and slides it into a large evidence bag before taping it up. “I guess he has a type then.”
“I don’t,” Spencer tries to cover up. “I mean, if I do then it’s people who are nice to me…”
She smiles at him, unable to even pretend to be jealous or mad. “It’s hard to be mean to you when you’re so cute.”
“Ew,” Elle announces her disgust as she leaves the room.
“Let’s get out of here before I end up kissing you in a murderer's laundry room,” Spencer teases, taking her hand and leading her out of the house as the rest of the forensics team takes over the bagging of evidence.
“Guys,” Elle rushes back to them with her phone pressed to her ear. “We have a bigger problem than we thought with Bahni.”
They rush into the SUV, putting the team on the speaker to hear the most unthinkable. “So I did what Y/N suggested and searched every single driver coming in and off-campus and the last street she was seen on,” Penelope explains back. “And I came across a man who was delivering Chinese food under the name Tom Larson… and it’s ironic his name is tom because he has a plethora of peeping offences and general creepiness alongside a metric shit-ton of abuse from his dad and dead mother.”
“Okay?” Elle follows.
“Tom Larson lives near Bahni,” Emily explains, “I was just at his house where I found him and his father had been murdered.”
“So we have not 1 but 3 creeps in this case, and none of them are who took Bahni?” Spencer rubs his eyes. “Please tell me we know who was in Tom’s car last night.”
“That’s where it gets tricky,” Penelope says with the doles tones of keys clicking behind her words. “We were just contacted by the fugitive Taskforce because they believe one of the murderers they’ve been tracking took Bahni… but he has ties to a much larger scale global sex trafficking ring.”
Elle flies through the streets with their lights on, pulling back into headquarters and right up to the security check. “So who is this guy?”
“Once you get back up here, Agent Simmons and Alvez will explain everything,” Hotch confirms. “I’m taking Derek to see Cruze, we need to tell him what’s going on.”
“Sounds good,” Elle hangs up and throws the SUV in park.
Y/N hesitates, staying put and taking a few breaths as Spencer watches. Elle’s left the car and is already on her way to the elevator. “What’s wrong?”
“Can I just have a hug real quick?”
“Yeah,” he wraps his arms around her and holds her close. “Are you okay?”
She nods against him, “yeah it’s just good to have at least 8 hugs a day.”
“Hug me whenever you need to,” he whispers against her hair, kissing the side of her head before she pulls back.
“Kisses are helpful too?”
He smiles, leaning in and pressing his lips to hers, mumbling against them, “how many?”
She hums, “10?”
He pecks her lips 10 times and counts each one, making her giggle, it takes so much effort to hold her smile back to keep kissing him but she feels much better.
“Thank you,” she beams and she can swear Spencer's eyes sparkle as he smiles back.
She pulls him into another hug, “I hate that we have to go catch a killer right now.”
“Come on then, as soon as we get him we can go on another date somewhere?”
She shakes her head, “after this case I think we should take a nap together… I’m exhausted and I don’t want to let you go.”
Spencer shakes his head in amazement, “you really like me?”
“Yeah, maybe I do,” she teases him. “You should get used to it because it’s only going to get more intense and I will smother you with love.”
He just shrugs, “it’s about time—“
They’re startled with a knock on the window, “we get it you’re in love, can we go now?”
“Sorry!” Y/N calls back with a giggle, pulling him in for one last kiss before getting out. Spencer follows with a deep blush that everyone will see when they get back upstairs, but it looks cute on him.
Luke Alvez has been trying to catch one criminal for the last 2 years. Simon Garrett has been a pain in the ass for the FBI, the CIA and DEA. He first showed up on their radar when his DNA was found on 14 women’s remains, all of who had been missing for at least 5 years.
His DNA was then traced to his son in the foster system, who’s been off the radar for the last 10 years. Everette Garrett.
“Now he’s interesting because I’ve been investigating his sex trafficking ring between Canada and the United States,” Matt adds. “All 14 women his father's DNA was found on were thought to be in his ring, which means when they get too old he hands them to his father to take care of.”
Y/N shakes her head as she listens, “so if you’ve been looking for them for this long what makes you think we can find them in time to save Bahni?”
“We’ve been tracking him for a while, we knew that he had a new girl on his radar and when we heard it was Bahni Desai we knew it was time to get you guys,” Matt explains.
“So far we know that she has to be taken to this warehouse in Alexandria before she goes any further, we’re going to intercept them before they make it to the warehouse and then use their car to gain access to take the whole thing down,” Luke rolls out a map of the facility then.
“We need to have the place surrounded for any runners, SWAT is getting prepped, we’re going tonight at 3 am,” Matt adds. “Morgan, Hotch, Prentiss, Alvez and Myself will be running a team at each of the 5 exits. Once inside, each team's swat unit will deploy gas to carefully knock everyone out, from there we need someone to cuff everyone at least until we know who is a victim and who is working there.”
“We’re taking everyone alive?” Spencer makes sure he hears them right.
“We need to know what the step after this warehouse is if we want to rescue more victims,” Luke’s voice is gentle yet stern as he explains. “I’ve seen this man take too many women from good homes and ruin their lives, I’m not letting him slip out of my fingers.”
“We’ve had this planned for months, we just needed to wait for the next confirmed drop-off.”
“Who’s driving?” Y/N asks, having a feeling it was her and Spencer.
“He’s Reids age,” Hotch announces from the door as he walks in with Cruze, “so we’ll replace Everette with Reid and Bahni with Y/L/N.”
“Rossi and Elle will be there to apprehend Everette, we’re setting up a fake traffic spot to irritate him and inhibit him from running. You two will be in a duplicate car arriving at the warehouse at the arranged time,” Emily confirms. “We just have to prep SWAT and then we can leave.”
“Alright, let’s get ready.”
—
Pretending to be kidnapped in the back of a car driven by her boyfriend was possibly the weirdest way to spend a Tuesday morning. Driving the exact make and model as their unsub, her heartbeat was loud enough to cover the sound of the engine and distract her from the long drive. She was overly anxious, and rightly so, it was her first sting.
And she was doing it all without coffee. Tired but full of adrenaline, she wanted to close her eyes and drift off but she knew she needed to be ready to apprehend the men at the gate with Spencer.
She feels the large bump, indicating they just went over a speed bump and she knows what that means. The car slows and she can hear the muffled talking before swat steps in, soon enough Spencer is cracking the trunk open and reaching in for her.
“Are you okay?” He helps her to her feet and makes sure her bulletproof vest is on right before handing her, her gun and watching her clip it on.
“Yeah, what happened?”
“The guards are down, Swat moved in as soon as we arrived, now we have to stand here and wait for them to clear the building,” Spencer explains as they walk to the front of her car.
She draws her gun and keeps it pointed low, guarded as they watch the front entrance for anyone to escape. “Do you know if Bahni is okay?” She whispers towards him.
He nods, “they radioed in that they got her, she’s being airlifted to the hospital with JJ right now.”
She nods with a deep breath, “okay good.”
“It’s going to be fine, we have enough SWAT here to take the government,” he tries to joke, getting a laugh from one of the officers… very strange to see someone laugh while holding an assault rifle.
One of the swat side steps towards Spencer, “I’m hearing on the line that they’ve cleared every room. They’re cuffing everyone, you’re free to enter.”
“Thanks,” Spencer replies.
The high-pitched screech rubber gripping asphalt in an attempt to stop draws their attention backwards. Elle and Rossi jumping out with their guns drawn, ready to join even though the exciting part is long over.
“No runners?” Elle asks, holstering her weapon. “Aw man, I was excited.”
“Not a one,” Y/N adds, watching the front entrance for the rest of the team to start funnelling out with the unsubs.
Luke exits first with a big smile on his face, Simon Garrett cuffed and barely stumbling out the door in front of him. He finally got him.
“well done,” Elle congratulates him. “Let me help you get him in SWAT van.”
“I think she has a thing for Luke,” Rossi leans into Y/N to gossip. “she wouldn’t stop asking about him on the drive…”
“Ooo,” Y/N teases, getting more and more tired as her adrenaline drops. Her eyes are heavy and Rossi can tell.
“Why don’t I bring you and the good doctor home, I don’t think they need all of us for the wrap-up,” Rossi pats her back. “You’ve had a long night, kid.”
“Thank you,” she smiles, holstering her gun and turning with him towards the SUV. “I’m so exhausted.”
“Well you’ve been on the job for almost 24 hours now, you’ve officially made it through your first overnight sting op,” Rossi congratulates her like he’s her grandpa.
She turns back when she doesn’t hear Spencer following her, “Spence? Are you coming?”
“Um,” he has something to ask as he follows then but he doesn’t say it. “Yeah, sorry.”
“It’s okay, come sit with me in the back?” She asks, sliding in beside him and resting her head on his shoulder as soon as their seatbelts are on.
“Did you still want to have a nap together?” He whispers, feeling her nod against his shoulder before she pulls back.
“Come here,” she tugs him in against her chest, snuggling in as best as she could in their sitting position. Holding him close and feeling him drift off in her arms. She has no problem following suit.
When she wakes, Rossi is parked outside of her apartment, “here you go, Y/N.”
She hums as she comes to, shaking Spencer awake too, “Spence, come on, let’s get to bed.”
“He’s going with you?”
She nods, “don’t tell Penelope. She’ll have a field day, I just want a nap.”
“You better get more than a nap,” Rossi orders. “You guys need to actually rest before you come back to work on Wednesday.”
“Thanks, Dad,” she teases him. “We will.”
“Bye Dave,” Spencer whispers as he gets out of the car. “Thank you for the ride.”
“Anytime kid,” Rossi waves them off, waiting for them to enter the building before driving away.
“Finally,” she sighs, dragging Spencer down the hall and towards her apartment. “I’m so fucking tired.”
“me too,” he barely says.
He follows her inside like a lost puppy, taking off his vest and shirt, slipping out of his pants until he’s in an undershirt, boxers and his mismatched socks. She’s amazed by how comfortable he is with her, but she has known him for 3 months, it’s enough time to fall in love with someone… right?
She’s loved him since she started working with him. When she realized he valued her opinions, he looked at her as a person and he genuinely loved her company. She felt a real connection with him, not just childish infatuation. He was everything to her.
She slides into bed beside him and snuggles in, wrapping an arm around his middle and resting her head on his chest.
“I guess I really can do everything,” she smirks.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
She pokes his chest and giggles away the awkwardness, “the thing I wanted to do most, the thing that I couldn’t do… that was to fall in love with you, but I did it anyway.”
“Well, then I guess I can do everything too.”
She pulls away to look at him, “I love you, Spencer. I don’t know if it’s too soon, but I’ve loved you for a while.”
He pulls her in for a kiss, shocking her as he breathes her in and holds her there. “I love you, more Y/N.”
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15.20 coda--at the end of the world
author’s note: while i am still reeling from the finale, this was my way of making some kind of personal peace with it. don’t mistake this for me agreeing with the choices made <3
---
“I would know him in death, at the end of the world.”--Madeline Miller
---
Castiel opens his eyes.
All around him is green. A moment later, he hears the soft sound of birds chirping in the background; from further away, the faint sounds of children laughing. The air is ripe with the smell of growth, damp in the air and life underneath his fingers.
He sits up. The sky is a perfect shade of blue, the kind found only in poet’s and painters imaginations. A few feet away, the shrubs grow, flowers spilling over themselves in their enthusiasm to be born. Everything is a riot of life and color.
“Cas.”
Castiel’s heart thumps against his ribs. He knows that voice.
He whirls around, already knowing who he’ll find. Several feet away, Jack waits, one hand raised in a short wave.
Castiel finds himself up on his feet, and within two short steps, he’s enfolded Jack in his arms. For a moment, he forgets about everything which came before, and allows himself this sheer comfort. If nothing else remains, then Jack is here.
Jack hugs him back, twice as fiercely, before they separate. Castiel holds him at arm’s length, trying to find injuries or hurt on him, but there’s nothing. In fact, it’s almost as if...
“Jack,” he says slowly, his arm falling away from Jack’s shoulder, “what happened?”
Jack smiles, a little lopsided, but still his boy.
“Well,” he says, gesturing towards a bench, “It’s kind of a long story.
---
For all that Jack said it was a long story, it ends up being remarkably quick in the telling. Castiel listens, sometimes grieving and sometimes proud, as he hears of how Sam, Dean, and Jack ultimately defeated Chuck. His heart grows in his chest as Jack recounts Dean’s words.
That’s not who I am.
A small part of him wishes that he could be there to see it, but he tucks that part of himself away. He said his piece. He relieved the burden which has been pressing down on his shoulders now for years. In his lifetime, it was nothing more than a blip on the map, but those years have made all the difference in the world to him. Finally, he can look back on them now without regrets.
“And so, I came here,” Jack finally says, shifting a little on the bench. He looks oddly guilty, like the times Castiel would find him sneaking snacks back into his room. “I thought...”
“What?’ Castiel prompts, after a few moments when it becomes clear that Jack has no interest in speaking.
“Sam and Dean don’t really need me anymore. I mean, I know that they want me, but the world is bigger now. And the people up here need me too.”
It’s then that Castiel looks around, scrutinizing his environment more closely. The nagging sense of familiarity hits and then he wonders how he didn’t see it before. His favorite Heaven, caught in an eternal Tuesday afternoon.
“It’s not right,” Jack says, his forehead wrinkled into an earnest expression of worry. “The people here are stuck. While I was on earth, we all talked about free will, but the people here don’t have it. They’re stuck forever in an endless loop of memories, and it’s all just...empty.”
Jack looks at Castiel, and Castiel doesn’t see God. He doesn’t see a divine being, or Lucifer’s son, or even an angelic being. He just sees his boy, lost and confused, but still so pure, still wanting to do the right thing, no matter what.
“Cas?” Jack asks. “Will you help me?”
---
Rebuilding Heaven is slow work, but time doesn’t really mean anything here. It’s delicate to rebuild the walls separating billions of souls so that nothing collapses. Castiel works alongside Jack, making suggestions as his mind trips along to potential problems.
Though it’s never said aloud, Castiel knows why Jack is working tirelessly. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, the knowledge sits that Sam and Dean are going to die. One day, they will pass from the earth, and come to Heaven, and on that day, Castiel wants everything to be perfect for them. He wants to show them a true paradise, a place without walls or barriers, a place where emotion is genuine and not just a manufactured memory. Rebuilding Heaven is his last chore, the last of his penance to be performed.
He does make one stop, however.
When he walks in the door, Kelly’s head lifts up from the book she’s flipping through. Her smile is a balm to the hurt places inside him, the ones that he likes to pretend don’t exist, because he was happy, yes? That was the whole point of everything, was to be happy. “Hey, Cas,” she greets him, shifting over and patting the couch next to her. “I was wondering when you’d be by.”
“I’ve been busy,” Cas says, settling down on the cushions. In Heaven, his body is easier than it was on earth, more flexible, and he wonders if that’s because after all these years, he’s finally returned to where he was supposed to belong, or if it’s because he no longer has the shadow of his love pressing down on his shoulders.
“Jack told me. Rebuilding Heaven? Sounds ambitious.”
“The old Heaven was...not ideal,” Castiel says. “I thought it was at the beginning: each soul gets a paradise tailor made to them. But then, I realized that human life is meaningless without the connections we form along the way. Each soul, stuck forever in its own loop is...”
“It’s lonely,” Kelly says, reaching out and squeezing his hand. Castiel returns the gesture, grateful for the connection. Her eyes are kind as she moves closer to him, her shoulder pressing into his.
“So what happened?”
---
In their time together, Castiel never told Kelly about Dean, at least not explicitly. But she had a brilliant mind and was able to see the threads of his longing woven into everything he did. Relating the story to her comes easily, and he tells her things which he would never tell Jack.
“And I was happy,” Castiel says at the end. “I was.”
“You trying to convince me or yourself?”
“Neither,” Castiel replies, bristling slightly. It was true that he might have been happier--he had performed a willful obfuscation of the original terms--but that doesn’t negate what he felt in that moment. The sheer love, the overwhelming gratitude, the incandescent happiness of being able, one last time, to proclaim to the world Dean Winchester is Saved.
Everything else is unimportant when viewed through those lenses.
“Why haven’t you gone to see him?” Kelly was always good at cutting to the heart of the problem.
“Dean has his life on earth. I have my work here in Heaven. I don’t...” Because, of course, he’s asked himself the same question many times. Why doesn’t he go find Dean and tell him of one last, improbable miracle?
“Cas, let me tell you: I didn’t know Dean all that well, but I didn’t need to if I wanted to know how he felt about you. It was all over his face.” Kelly turns to face him, suddenly serious. “Cas, you should go to him. At least allow him to speak his side. If he doesn’t feel the same way, then you’ll know. And if he does...”
Castiel shakes his head. Happiness in the being is what he’s told himself ever since he awoke to find himself in Heaven. Happiness doesn’t come from the having. He will live with himself and find contentment in the works which he does.
Kelly looks sympathetic, but doesn’t say anything as he walks out.
There’s work to be done.
---
Castiel sighs with satisfaction as he walks through Heaven. Slowly, the walls are coming down. Souls are mingling and interacting. There’s joy in the once quiet halls, the giddiness which comes from freedom after too long without. He moves through the different realms, silent as a thought, and goes unnoticed, at least until a gruff voice catches his attention.
“What the hell are you doing here, boy?”
A wide grin splits Castiel’s face. Only Bobby Singer would think to call an angel ‘boy’. He walks towards the old hunter, who looks the same now as he did in life, and is surprised when Bobby sweeps him up in a hug which would threaten to crack his ribs, were he human.
“You did good,” Bobby whispers, his voice thick in Castiel’s ear. “I heard what you and that boy Jack did, and you did real good.”
It means more than he would have thought, to have Bobby’s approval. After a moment’s pause, he hugs Bobby back.
When Bobby pulls away, he quickly knuckles his eyes, before clearing his throat. “So, you fixed Heaven on top of everything else? What do you have planned next?”
Castiel’s shoulders lift in a shrug. “There’s always work to be done maintaining Heaven. We don’t know what, if any, effects the restructuring will bring, so I suppose I will be traveling and making sure that everything is stable.”
“If that ain’t a load of shit,” Bobby scoffs. “From what I’ve seen, your boy has enough power in his pinky finger to do just about whatever he wants. Stop making excuses and get your feathery ass back down there.”
Castiel swallows. “It’s not quite as simple as that. Sam and Dean have a chance to live their lives, the way that they would wish for them to be lived. It’s not fair of me to intrude.”
“Now, if that isn’t the biggest pile of horseshit I’ve ever heard.” Bobby’s mouth twists underneath his beard. “Only one thing keeping you from going back down to see those boys, and it sure as hell ain’t concern for Heaven or some BS notion that they’re better off without you.” Castiel opens his mouth, but Bobby speaks over him. “And don’t tell me that you’re just waiting either. Something I learned a long time ago--you never have as much time as you think you do.”
Castiel closes his mouth and says nothing.
---
Bobby is wrong.
There’s still time. He doesn’t have to go yet. There’s still work to be done in Heaven, souls to be guided, walls to be broken. Jack still needs him.
There’s still time.
There’s still time, until there isn’t.
---
Castiel feels it before he knows what’s happening. It’s a rift, a tear, something which ripples throughout the universe and comes to hit him in the chest. He staggers backward, hand clutching at his shirt.
His first thought is that Heaven is under attack, but a second’s observation tells him that’s not the case. Everything is fine. The fabric of Heaven remains secure, the souls are unbothered. It’s only him that feels the blow.
With a flutter of wings, Jack appears beside him. His face is a mask of distress, tears welling in his eyes. “Cas,” he cries, clenching his hands into fists at his side. “Cas, it’s--”
“Dean,” Castiel says, finally understanding the bolt of pain which ripped through him.
It was too soon. He doesn’t know how much time has passed on earth, but he knows it was too soon.
It’s always too soon.
“Cas, what do I... I can heal him. I can go and heal him now. I can save him. I can...” Jack trails off, his feet still pacing in desperate circles. “What do I do?”
It’s a child’s question, and Castiel has no answer.
“Free will,” is all he says. “Whatever you do...It’s your decision.”
---
Castiel feels when Dean Winchester’s soul enters Heaven. He held that soul within his grace, he snatched it away from the filth and flames of Hell. He cradled that soul while he was reassembling Dean’s body, pulling atoms out of air to create skin, flesh, and bone. He would know that soul at the end of everything, and he knows it here, when it settles into the place which was created for him.
It was as perfect as Castiel could make it; down to the Impala sitting in the Roadhouse’s parking lot. He created every inch of Dean’s Heaven in homage, in apology.
It wasn’t fair. Dean deserved to live to a ripe old age. He deserved to enjoy the world for which he fought so hard. He should have grown old, should have found peace, should have discovered the foibles and pitfalls of normal, human existence. Dean worked too hard, for too long, and he deserved a kinder, softer fate. Instead, he’s here, and all Castiel can do for him is to craft his Heaven with painstaking care.
He pauses on the boundaries of Dean’s Heaven. Every fiber of him yearns to go forward, to rejoice in Dean’s presence, to see that beloved face again. He wants it so badly he can almost taste it, leather and gasoline and whiskey mingling together until he’s back in the bunker, listening to the sounds of his family--
Castiel takes a step away from the border. First one, then another. After three steps, it becomes easier.
Dean has his paradise, and Castiel won’t interfere.
---
Heaven moves as it always does, timeless and changeless. There is no turn of the earth to mark the passage of time. Instead, it moves like the ocean, rolling waves which are always moving and yet the surface remains the same. Castiel travels through various Heavens, observing the newly liberated souls, and taking his peace from their newfound enjoyment. It eases something within him to see his former home restored, better than it ever was before.
He’s inspecting a field of sunflowers when the sound of a car door closing surprises him. Immediately, his heart lurches in his chest, dipping down to somewhere around his knees before hurtling upwards to lodge in his throat. He swallows before he turns around.
Dean Winchester is there.
Castiel’s heart, always out of his control, performs a quick dance against the confines of his ribs. Dean looks...He looks whole and wonderful, vibrant and alive. The lines around his eyes look as though they’ve been carved through laughter instead of despair. His shoulders sit easier, no longer pressed down with the burden of the entire world.
Castiel licks his lips. “Hello, Dean,” he finally says, when it becomes obvious that Dean has no intention of making the first move.
Dean’s lips quirk up in a grin. “Cas,” he says, not moving from where he’s leaning up against the frame of the Impala. “You’re a hard guy to track down.”
Layers upon layers of subtext are placed within the seemingly simple sentence. Castiel remembers Purgatory as well as anything else, the desperate year of keeping one step ahead of Leviathans while close enough to Dean to protect him if need be.
“I’m sorry,” Castiel says faintly. “I wasn’t aware anyone was looking.”
Dean’s face performs a series of interesting maneuvers, dropping and rising and twisting. It finally settles into an expression like stone as he pushes off the car and storms towards him. Castiel waits, caught up in breathless anticipation of the oncoming storm.
“Look,” Dean growls, reaching out and snagging the lapel of his coat, almost like he wants to ensure that Castiel doesn’t escape. Castiel doesn’t even dream of it; there’s no other place he’d rather be than caught in Dean’s grip. “There was a lot of shit going on at the time, so I didn’t get to say it then, but there’s nothing happening now, so you are going to sit here and listen, all right?”
Castiel nods, but Dean doesn’t seem to notice. “I can’t believe you didn’t...” He runs the hand which isn’t still wrapped up in Castiel’s coat over his face. “You idiot,” he finally breathes. “A couple of dumbasses. You’ve had me, Cas. All along, you’ve had me.”
Castiel looks up at Dean in sharp surprise. When he meets Dean’s eyes, there’s nothing but the infinite compassion which he fell in love with. “You... You’re this force of nature that came bursting into my life. All this time, you’ve always been there, always helping, and I took that for granted, I know I did. But, god, Cas, I should have told you every day how thankful I was to have you there with us. I should have let you know what a miracle you are. You never gave up on me, not once, not even when I deserved it.”
Castiel’s breath hitches in his chest as Dean lets go of his coat. Slowly, with a shaking hand, he reaches up to cup Castiel’s cheek. “You never stopped believing. You never stopped trying. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Dean.” The name bursts out of Castiel’s chest in a harsh breath. Dean’s words are working their way underneath his skin, to the point where his body can’t contain them.
“Cas.” Dean gently angles his face up so that there’s no escape when he says, “I love you.”
“I’m sorry,” explodes from Castiel’s chest, the helplessness and grief he felt when he felt Dean’s soul leaving earth erupting in a single quick sob. “Dean, I’m so sorry, I should have been there, I should have done something, I never should have left you alone--”
“Cas.” Dean’s fingers press into his cheek, not hard, but firmly enough to get his attention. “It sucks, all right? There was so much I wanted...” The corner of his mouth drops. “I was going to get you out, and you, me, and Sam were going to head to the beach. I was going to get you drinking out of a coconut, maybe a Hawaiian shirt. We were going to do Christmas, I was going to take you to a theme park and see if you puked on roller coasters. I wanted...” For a moment, grief so overwhelming that it can’t be touched crosses Dean’s face, but then, with effort, he pushes it away. “There’s so much that I wanted, but it’s done now. And besides, you’ve been busy.” Dean raises his eyebrows. The grin on his face invites Cas to smile as well. “Reforming Heaven?”
“I wanted...There was so much I did wrong here. I thought if I could make it right, that maybe...” Castiel leans his cheek into Dean’s hand. “I wanted it to be perfect for you. You weren’t supposed to be here yet.”
“I know. I know. And it’s not okay, but you’re here, all right? Mom’s here, Bobby’s here, Charlie, and Jess, and Kevin, and Ellen and Jo...They’re all here, and thanks to you, I’m going to see them. You did that, Cas.”
“Jack did most of the work--” Castiel begins, but he’s cut off by the soft press of Dean’s lips against his.
Sparks burst in his chest as Dean’s hand slides around to the back of his neck to cradle his head. His other arm slides around his waist, and suddenly, Castiel is held by Dean Winchester, by this miracle of a man. Dean’s kisses consume him, until he’s no longer Castiel. Instead, he’s heat, and friction, and more.
“You and me,” Dean pants against his lips, pulling away just far enough to run his nose along Castiel’s. “We’ve got time now, Cas, we’ve got so much time. I’m going to take you apart, going to show you how much I love you, every single day. I’m going to show you everything.”
Castiel is drowning in the outpouring of Dean’s devotion. He’s helpless in the riptides. All he can do to save himself is kiss Dean again, tasting salt on their lips from where their tears trace down to their lips. Castiel cries partly for Dean’s missed opportunities and the fact that life is so cruel. But he also cries from happiness. Dean is right. Here, they have all the time they could ever want. There’s time to explore every feeling and desire, time for them to become themselves, without the pressure of the world around them.
They part. Somehow, Castiel’s hands have found their way onto Dean’s waist. One of his thumbs is braver than the rest of his whole body, as it sneaks underneath Dean’s shirt to touch bare skin. Dean grins at him.
“Hey, Cas,” he asks, pressing his forehead to Castiel’s. “Do you want to take a drive?”
Their fingers entwine as they walk towards the Impala. Castiel’s chest feels light, like Dean’s hand is the only thing keeping him tethered to the ground. “I’m still trying to figure out the roads here. It felt like I was driving around for forty years to try and find you.”
They settle into the Impala, where they’ve been so many times before, but now Castiel can enjoy every squeak of the leather seats. He can revel in the imperfections of the car because of the perfection that’s next to him. Dean Winchester reaches across the seat and takes his hand, as easy as breathing.
“I can’t wait to show Sam everything,” Dean says, as he guides the Impala back onto a road which Castiel is almost certain wasn’t there when he arrived. “I, uh...Hope it takes him a while to get here. But. Yeah, when he gets here, I can’t wait to show him everything.”
“We’ll see it all together,” Castiel finally says. It’s all he can say, his heart too busy dancing in his chest.
They have all the time they want.
---
Time slips and passes and stops. In between his time with Dean, Jack, and the rest of the residents of Heaven, and performing maintenance throughout Heaven, Castiel watches the earth. He sees those left behind grow older. Claire and Kaia start a family, Claire finally having set aside the kernel of anger in her heart. Castiel watches Sam and Eileen’s family grow, smiling when Sam finally goes back to law school and gets his degree. He spends the rest of his career fighting for justice for children lost in the system, those who can’t fight for themselves. Saving people, hunting things, indeed.
Several times, Castiel thinks about going to visit Sam, if only to assuage the grief he can still see the man carrying, but each time he stops. It hurts, but grief is a facet of life. This grief is natural. It comes honestly. It’s not manipulated by a sadistic higher being for a voyeristic pleasure.
Eileen comes out to the Impala and brings Sam back into the house with gentle touches. Throughout the years, she’s learned how to navigate Sam’s moods, and knows how to bring him back. They lay in bed, foreheads pressed together, Eileen’s body curved into Sam’s.
“I just,” Sam begins, twisting slightly so Eileen can read his lips, “I just miss him so much sometimes.”
“I know,” Eileen answers. It’s all she needs to say.
After a while, Sam gently wraps his fingers around Eileen’s wrist, partly for comfort, partly to grab her attention. “Dean’s baseball game is next weekend. Do we know yet if it’s going to conflict with Beth’s dance rehearsal?”
“It shouldn’t,” Eileen answers, and with that, the normal routine of their life is reestablished. The grief is always present, but it’s part of the human condition.
Castiel turns his eyes back to Heaven, where Dean waits for him. Despite it being Heaven, he insists on making repairs to Bobby’s house as well as the Roadhouse, even when Castiel reminds him, for the hundredth time, that if he truly wanted to, he could fix these imperfections with a thought.
“Sometimes, you just have to do things the hard way,” he answers, through a mouthful of nails.
Castiel rolls his eyes and goes to help him.
---
The morning dawns, quiet and gentle. The dawn is silvery-gold as it stretches across the grass leading up to the cabin. In the distance, the birds start singing. Castiel can smell the fresh scents of spring, dew clinging to the grass, the clean, bright potential in the air. His toes stick out from underneath the comforter, but a quick flip of his foot flicks the corner of the blanket back into place.
A warm, heavy arm winds over his waist. “Babe, it’s too early,” Dean mumbles into the nape of his neck. “Go back to sleep.”
Castiel strokes over the back of Dean’s hand. The words are tempting, but something has woken him up, and now that it has, he wants to know what it is. He props himself up on his elbows, ignoring the chill of the air as it bites at his bare skin, and concentrates. After a second, he startles.
“Dean,” he says.
Though he doesn’t put urgency or fear into his voice, something about his tone makes Dean open his eyes, suddenly alert. Castiel looks at him, and Dean rolls over onto his side. After their time together, they’ve mastered the art of the wordless conversation, much to the chagrin of Charlie, Kevin, and anyone within ten miles of them, at least according to Jo.
“It’s time?” Dean asks. He rolls closer to Castiel, stealing his warmth, as he trails his fingers over Castiel’s ribs.
“Yes,” Castiel answers, taking Dean’s hand in his and pressing kisses to each of Dean’s fingertips. “Won’t be long now.”
Dean’s fingers slide across his cheek before he curls his fingers around the bolt of Castiel’s jaw, pulling him down. Their lips meet in a chaste kiss which still manages to make fireworks explode in the pit of Castiel’s belly. He doesn’t think the thrill of kissing Dean will ever fade. Castiel doesn’t want it to.
“I should get going,” Dean murmurs, rubbing against the bristles on Castiel’s cheek. “You want to come along?”
Castiel relaxes back into the mattress, only reluctantly parting from Dean. “No, you go. I’ll be here when you get back.”
“I know.” Dean slides out of bed, and Castiel takes a moment to appreciate the play of his muscles underneath fair skin. He lets out a small, disappointed noise when Dean slides into a pair of jeans and a jacket, causing Dean to roll his eyes at him over his shoulders. “Yeah, keep it in your pants. Definitely wearing clothes to this particular meeting.”
“Shame,” Castiel murmurs, waggling his eyebrows.
“Shameless,” Dean corrects, leaning over the mattress to kiss Castiel once more, short and sweet. “We’ll be back before too long.” Another kiss to Castiel’s forehead, and then Dean murmurs, “I love you,” into his hair.
Castiel smiles. Much like kissing Dean, hearing those words will never grow old to him. He’ll revel in them, roll in the simple syllables, allow them to sink into him, with the simple truth that Jack tells him, that Charlie tells him, that Kelly tells him, that even Bobby and Ellen and Jo tell him.
You are valued. You are loved.
He smiles at Dean Winchester, this impossible, miracle of a man. “I love you too,” he replies.
Dean out of the bedroom. The door to the cabin opens and closes. Castiel rolls over onto his back and stretches, staring up at the ceiling.
There’s work to be done today. He’ll need to travel through Heaven, informing the various interested parties that Sam Winchester has arrived. There will be a party tonight at the Roadhouse, a celebration instead of mourning. Then he and Dean will get to show Sam their Heaven, will listen to Sam relate through his years.
There is so much work to do.
But they have time. They have all the time they need.
---
“Life never ends when you are in it.”--Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters
#spn spoilers#destiel#destiel fanfic#destiel fic#deancas#deancas fic#saileen#saileen fic#dean winchester#castiel#sam winchester#eileen leahy#coda fix#15.20 coda#fix it#fix it fic#because fuck the finale that's why#do not take this fic as agreement with what happened#but this is the only way my brain will accept it#unbeta'd because we die like men in this house#dothwrites
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The frat party | t.h.
Title: The frat party
Pairing: Frat boy!Tom Holland x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 1823
Warnings: frat boy Tom, angst, nakedness (nothing sexual though, no smut in this chapter), mention of sex, implied smut, cliffhanger at the end, jealous Tom, language, OC Oliver, violence (one punch), blood, plot twists.
Summary: Tom and the reader met at a frat party, but a year later they broke up because of some reason. Now, rumor has it that the reader is dating one of Tom’s friends and he gets jealous.
A/N: Hello hello, I’m back! Have you seen Tom’s recent pics in Monaco?? He looked amazing! Anyway, I don’t know why, but I just had to write a fic with frat boy!Tom, so enjoy!
If you wanna be tagged in my Tom Holland fics, just let me know in my ask box! You can also find me on AO3 and Wattpad. Feedback is always appreciated by a writer!
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Chapter 1
Break up with my ex girlfriend
Frat parties. Am I right? Worst part of college life. A lot of people drink to forget about their grades and how their lives went wrong, while someone’s just hoping to have some fun with them (if you know what I mean). For the first year, I hated them with passion, but it was before I met him. At a frat party. Oh, the irony! And then, frat parties were the only chance I had to actually talk to him. It didn’t take us long enough to start dating. I think that adults tell you fairy tales to make you grow up with a hope, the hope to find your real happy ending, your true love. Well, I wasn’t used to believe in them, but the year I spent with Tom… that was close to the definition of happy ending. The problem with happy endings? They don’t tell you what happens after them. And that’s because they’re a nightmare.
“Tell me that now or you’re not gonna find me in this bed tomorrow”, he says and there’s a part of me that wants to die right here and right now. I shake my head. I don’t want to do that. Not because I don’t feel anything for him, but I’m scared that this will complicate things between us and it’s the last thing I want. “Are you serious, Y/N? You really think that saying something like that during sex doesn’t count? Calling someone on the phone means something, even if you’re drunk as Hell. So tell me what you really feel about me right now or I swear, I’m out of this room. I’m out of this kind of weird relationship that’s going on between us for years,” Tom says and the veins on his arms draw a beautiful map on his body, in which the moles are cities and his eyes are volcanoes. They’re burning, unlike my skin, that is freezing because I’m not wearing anything at the moment. Except for my shame, perhaps. My insecurities, that never leave me. Even in front of Tom.
“You don’t mean that,” I try to say, my mouth dry. But he’s insanely angry. In another situation, it would be hot.
“I do, Y/N,” he replies. I swallow. His expression softens, like he’s in pain. He comes closer to me, brushing my cheeks with his hands. My eyes are full of tears. His words feel like a prayer on my skin. “Please, tell me”.
And even if I don’t wanna do that, my hands are tied. Even if that’s a lie. I remain in silence. One second after that, he’s gone. Tom always keeps his promises, after all.
2 months before
Harrison sat down with a strange look on his face. It only meant one thing for Tom: trouble. He sighed, throwing away the third cigarette of the day. Jacob raised an eyebrow, trying to get rid of the stench of smoke with one hand.
“I thought you wanted to quit smoking,” Jacob said.
“Relax, I only smoke before finals now,” Tom said. “What’s up, mate? Come on, talk”.
Harrison raised a corner of his lips in a smirk.
“Rumor has it, that Oliver’s got a girlfriend,” he said.
“No way!” Jacob exclaimed.
“Oh, fuck me,” Tom said, laying on the grass with his hands behind his neck, glancing at a couple of girls who were passing by.
“I haven’t said the best part yet, though,” Harrison continued. Jacob urged him to speak further. “He’s gonna throw a party for his birthday and he’ll introduce her to his friends. But since we’re his friends, I was wondering why I haven’t told us anything about this gal in weeks. So I played Sherlock Holmes for a couple of hours and I found out that… we actually know this girl,” he said.
“I bet she’s someone of the campus,” Tom joked, as if it was obvious.
“I bet she’s someone’s ex girlfriend,” Jacob replied.
Harrison remained quiet, but he was smiling.
“You gotta be kidding me,” Tom said, astonished, while sitting on the grass again.
“I won!” Jacob yelled.
“Who’s she? I hooked up with…”
“Ex girlfriend, Tom. It’s not some random girl you hooked up with. She’s someone you remember very well,” Harrison said.
“So we’re talking about me, uh? Well, let’s see… is it Janine? We lasted two weeks, I wouldn’t be mad about her,” he shrugged. Harrison swallowed.
“It’s someone you would be mad about,” Jacob guessed. “And there’s just one person that you would be mad about”.
Tom’s eyes widened at the realization.
“He’s fucking dead”.
Two days after that conversation, here they were: the three of them were laying with their backs on the wall like they were sustaining it from falling down. Tom had threatened Oliver with a Dare to explain, mate?, but his answer was just an I’m sorry Tom, but she’s just your ex. I don’t have to ask for your permission. Or does this mean that you’re still not over her? So, since Tom values too much his pride, he said that he was over her and that Oliver was right, he didn’t have to ask for his permission. Oliver apologized for not telling him that before and then walked away, leaving Tom to smoke the whole pack of cigarettes. Tom was watching Oliver talking with Elizabeth, one of your friends, when he saw you and Zendaya arrive at the party. In his opinion, you were stunning. You immediately caught his gaze. You just never failed to amaze him, even after a year. His heart ached at the view, but it ached even more when you greeted Oliver. You gave him a kiss on his cheek, clenching your hand in a fist. It seemed like you were uncomfortable. So, he came up with a plan to save you.
“Wait for me here,” he said to his friends, then he walked fast to reach you. “Hey mate, happy birthday!” Tom said to Oliver, who hugged him.
“Thanks, Tom. I think that you already know Y/N, Lizzie and Z,” he said and you smiled along with your friends, even if you looked more surprised than happy.
“Of course, I do,” Tom said, looking directly at you. You looked down. “Could I please talk to Y/N? We haven’t been in touch for quite some time and I’d like to catch up with her,” he asked.
“Sure!” Oliver said, while Zendaya seemed looking at you with a concerned expression. You winked at her.
Tom made you move away from Oliver by brushing your back, walking to the next exit. He lowered his voice in order to talk with you only, speaking to your hear: “You look ravishing, darling”.
He noticed that you closed your eyes for a very long second, but you didn’t say a word about that.
“Are you here to show that you still own me or something?”
“I don’t own you, darling. You’re absolutely free to do anything you like,” he said, lighting a cigarette outside the building.
“Z said you wanted to quit smoking,” you said, furrowing your eyebrows.
“I only smoke before finals”.
“Finals were yesterday,” you replied.
“Are we here to talk about me or you? I noticed that you were uncomfortable with Oliver, but I thought that you were his girlfriend. Wouldn’t it be weird?”
You smirked.
“Oh, now I get it. You’re jealous”.
“Nah, If I’d be jealous, you would know, trust me,” Tom said, with a playful tone.
“What would you do?” You asked, curiousity eating you alive. You wanted to know so bad if he still had feelings for you.
“Don’t play with fire, darling. You’re gonna burn your pretty hands, otherwise,” he replied, running a finger over his lip. Shivers ran through your spine, but you hoped that Tom didn’t notice it.
“Don’t try to seduce me, Holland. You’re not gonna win this time,” you said, chuckling. “And for the record, we’re not dating. He’s just insistent,” you explained.
Tom looked inside and saw Oliver staring at the two of you. An idea came up into his mind and he couldn’t quite get rid of it. It was smart, but also terrifying. It was very dangerous, yet he had to try.
“We could be in a fake relationship. It could fool everyone,” he proposed.
You turned to look at him, astonished.
“Even after what happened?”
Tom’s eyes were locked with yours, but his facial muscles didn’t move at all. If he still was hurt by the reason that made you two break up, he didn’t show it to you.
“He’s coming here,” he said instead, glancing at Oliver.
“Tom, this is insane,” you kept going. “You said you couldn’t forgive me after…”
It happened all too fast. All the lights went out at the same time. Tom's lips were on yours in an instant. Everything was on fire, every inch of your body. Every cell your flash was made of exploded like a dying supernova. A moment later, someone snatched him from your hands, leaving you in the cold.
Oliver hit him. Tom laughed, nervously, but then he grabbed the collar of Oliver’s shirt and slammed him against the wall, angrily. You pounced on Tom, trying to pull him away from Oliver. At first, Tom looked at you confused, thinking that you just wanted to keep Oliver safe from him, but your eyes told him another story: you prevented him to be kicked out from the campus.
“I told you, you’d know,” he said, while wiping a trickle of blood from his mouth, pretending to be the tough guy he wasn’t.
“Guys, I think we should leave,” Jacob said, while Harrison was taking Tom away from Oliver by his arm.
“I thought we were friends, Tom,” Oliver said, an inch of hurting in his voice tone.
“That was before you came after the only thing I care about,” he said harshly. And then, he left with Harrison and Jacob.
That night, while Tom was cleaning himself of blood in the bathroom, Jacob was staring at him worried, while standing with one arm against the door jamb.
“You never told me what happened, you know, with Y/N last year. Haz doesn’t want to tell me, he thinks it’s up to you. You said that you were over her, but I don’t think you are, since what you did tonight,” he said. Tom kept wiping away the blood from his shirt, ignoring Jacob’s words. “Why have you broken up with her, Tom? It seems pretty obvious that you’re still in love with her”.
Tom gulped, while looking at himself in the mirror. He had tried to bury all of his memories deep down, but it seemed that now the demons wanted to come back and play with him once again. Maybe it had finally come the time to confront them.
When he spoke, his voice was low and hoarse: “Because she cheated on me”.
Read chapter 2 here!
#tom holland x reader#tom holland x y/n#tom holland x you#tom holland smut#frat boy tom holland fanfiction#frat boy tom holland#fratboy!tom holland#frat boy tom holland x reader#tom holland fanfiction#tom holland fanfic#tom holland ff#tom holland imagine#tom holland headcanon#tom holland hc#erule's masterlist#peter parker x reader#tom holland
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12x01 Rewrite with Trans Dean
trigger warnings for minor mention of dysphoria. Also minor/negligent transphobia.
“Mom?” His heart is stopped in his chest, staring at the face he’s kept in his head for all of his life, the face he’s thought of as the only real home he’s ever had. She looks the same, exactly the same. “I… uh, are you really… real?”
He reaches out without thinking, needing to just make sure that Amara didn’t bring back a fantasy or a ghost or a sick joke. She proves it without him touching her, flipping him in a neat trick he recognizes from his own training and ending up with her foot on his neck, pressing him into the dirt. “Where am I? Who the hell are you?”
She looks so scared. Dean swallows, his Adam’s apple bouncing against the bottom of her foot. He needs to make her trust him, preferably before she does something rash like snap his neck. “I’m Dean Winchester. I’m your son. I’m… Sam’s brother”
The pressure lets up on Dean’s neck even though Mary’s shaking her head. “No. No, I don’t have two boys. They’re- they’re just kids.”
Dean winces, breathing heavily. This is gonna be a motherfucker for her to understand. Still, Mary lets him up, and he stands and rubs his neck, trying desperately to recall every bit of information he’s stored away about his mom. “Mom. Listen to me. Your name- your name is Mary Sandra Campbell, okay? You were born December 5, 1954, to Samuel and Deanna Campbell. Your father, he bounced around a lot for, uh, work, and you bounced right along with him, and you ended up in Lawrence, Kansas.”
Mary flinches, the facts hitting straight-on. “How do you know all that?”
“Dad told me.” Dean tells her. He doesn’t tell her that he had to gather the story from slurred words, drunken tears in between stories about the perfect wife. That he recited them in his head like a prayer so he wouldn’t forget her. “March 23, 1972, you walked out of a movie theater - Slaughterhouse-Five. You loved it, and you bumped into a big Marine and you knocked him flat on his ass. You were embarrassed, and he laughed it off, said you could make it up to him with a cup of coffee. So, you went to, uh,” God, what was the name of that stupid place? “Mulroney’s, and you talked and he was cute and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song,” A memory of a smiling young alive Mary comes to mind, and he pushes it away because it hurts. She’s right there. “So when he asked you for your number, you gave it to him, even though you knew your dad would be pissed. That was the night that -” You fell in love with- “that you met -”
“John Winchester.”
“August 19, 1975, you were married… in Reno. Your idea.”Dean had always thought that was hilarious. He looks her in the eyes again, pleading with her to not dispute the next part. “A few years later, I came along, then Sammy.”
“No, no. My oldest was a girl, Deanna.” Mary looks Dean up and down, taking in his short hair, wide shoulders, and flat chest. He crosses his arms over that now, uncomfortable, hoping she isn’t looking at his long eyelashes or his delicate cheekbones or his hips. All the places he’s insecure about.
“Yeah, um… that’s me.” He looks up at her, his jaw clenching, waiting for the ball to drop. “I shortened the name a little, and the- uh- hair.” He tries for the old charming smile as he runs a hand through the spiky hair he hasn’t let grow out in 20 years. It doesn’t quite get there, settling at a more delicate need for approval. Mary doesn’t give it to him. “Do you believe me?”
She bypasses the question, turning her eyes away from him to look at the car behind him. Something changes in her eyes. “I burned.” She says quietly, like she’s remembering the heat. Dean swallows. He remembers the heat too. “How long have I been gone?”
“33 years.” His voice cracks.
Mary looks back to him, and she moves forward, putting two gentle fingers to his cheek, to the freckles sprayed across soft skin. He’s had them forever, even when he was little. “Dee?” She calls him by his old nickname; Dean’s doubly thankful that he doesn’t use his deadname.
“Hi, mom.” There are tears in his eyes.
------------------------------------------------------
“How did he die?”
Dean bows his head. He’s really not selling himself too good here, is he? First the trans thing, now- “He gave himself up for me.” He’ll be surprised if Mary wants anything to do with him. Surprisingly, she chuckles and sniffles.
“That does sound like John.” He looks over, and she’s smiling. His brow furrows. Killing himself to save Dean’s ass does sound like John, but not in a way that makes him want to smile. “And he was a hunter? And he raised-” She stutters now, looking at him again and looking away just as quickly. “You and Sam to be-”
“Yeah, he did.” A cold weight is settling in Dean’s stomach, and he tries and fails to not let it seep into his words.
“And you said we’ve met before, when you traveled through time,”
Dean nods. It had been horrible and amazing to see Mary and have her see him, just as some guy. A guy, at all. “Twice. Your memory got wiped, so…” So you don’t remember me telling you I was your kid, and you not believing me. I do.
“And you’re… my daughter-”
Dean coughs. He hasn’t been called a daughter in a long-ass time. “No, I’m- I mean. I was. I know it’s a lot. And I’ll explain everything. I will. But right now, let’s get out of here. Let’s get you home. Come on, Mom.”
She doesn’t correct him, which means she must believe, at least a little bit, that she is his mom.
-----------------------------------------------------
“You live here?” She looks around the cavernous space and he smiles, looking around too. It really is awesome.
“Yeah, when we’re not on the road. It’s an old Men of Letters bunker.”
“Men of Letters?” She scoffs. Dean grins a bit and looks at her. He thinks he likes her. “They’re a myth. An old hunter’s story.”
He tilts his head. He’s just gonna keep blowing her mind today, apparently. “Not so much. New duds look good.” He gestures to her clothes. He’d lent her some extra clothes he’d had in the trunk, and he tries not to fixate on how they weren’t that big on her. He’s not much taller than her, and he knows part of that even is the heeled boots he’s wearing.
“Well, thanks. It’s better than walking around in that nightgown the rest-” Dean’s nodding, about to say something extremely awkward like ‘Yeah, nightgowns are a bitch,’ when he finally looks at what she’s staring at, spattered on the floor of the bunker. “That’s blood.”
“Yeah.” Dean’s heart leaps into his throat, but he goes into autopilot before he can think about freaking out. He takes his gun out from his pants and cocks it, clearing the immediate area. A blurred sigil on the wall puts another bolt of fear through his chest. “Sammy? Cas?” He winces at how high his voice goes.
He takes the Map Table’s gun out from its hiding place and hands it to Mary. She was a hunter too, and he’s not about to leave her unarmed to clear the place. “Take this. Stay here.” Dean takes off immediately. It isn’t until he’s moving on to check the kitchen that he hears the voice. Mary’s clear as a bell, saying,
“Hands, now,”
Dean’s in the room before he can think about it. His heart practically comes undone when he sees that dumb familiar trench coat. He puts his body between Cas and his mom’s gun immediately, hoping she will trust him enough not to shoot through him. “Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! It’s okay, it’s okay. He’s a friend, all right?” He meets Cas’s eyes and sees the utter relief in his eyes, and a surge of warmth fills his chest. “Hey, Cas.”
It’s a lackluster greeting when they both thought they’d never see each other again, and Cas shows it when he steps forward quickly and pulls Dean into a tight hug. “Dean!”
Dean grins and pats his back. “Hey, okay. All right,” He comforts him quietly.
“Dean, you’re alive?” Cas pulls away and looks him over, like he’s afraid Dean might disappear. Dean nods, understanding; he had done the same thing to Mary, after all.
“Yeah.”
“What about the bomb and the Darkness? What happened?”
“I’ll tell you everything. Where is Sam?”
“He’s not here.” Obviously. Dean could smack him, but his face wants to break into a fond smile instead. He represses both urges.
“Are you a hunter?”
“No, I’m an angel.”
“He’s an angel.” Dean says over Cas. They look at each other and then back at Mary.
“Come again?”
“An angel, with a capital A,” Dean clarifies. He feels, ridiculously, a little bit like he’s showing off. Showing Cas off. “You know, wings, harp.”
“No, I don’t have a harp.”
Dean laughs. “This is Castiel. Cas, this is… Mary. Winchester.”
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“It’s been kinda weird, here. You know, with mom being back?” And learning that her baby girl is now a full grown man? “It’s like we don’t know how to act around each other, so we just kinda make this small talk, and act like it’s normal, but it’s- it’s so not normal.” Dean can hear the pleading in his voice.
“What has she said to you?” Cas asks quickly. Dean bites his lip to hide the smile he’s trying to get from hearing Cas get all angry and protective on his behalf. He’s reminded of the time Cas looked him directly in the face and said, ‘Dean Winchester, if anyone is ever transphobic to you, I will smite them immediately and without any remorse.’ And before Dean could make a quip about internalized transphobia, Cas added, ‘Do not make me do that to you.’
“Well, nothing. That’s- that’s the whole point.” It’s the kind of thing most people usually wanna go over, what the fuck gender their kid is? He’s pretty sure no news does not mean good news in this context.
“Okay, what have you said to her?”
“Well, nothing. I’m- I don’t know what to say to her, y’know? It’s like it’s all too much, and I don’t wanna overwhelm her.”
“Dean, your identity is not ‘too much.’” Cas says immediately. Dean sighs. That wasn’t what he meant, even though he has said something similar before. Something when he was lonely and sad and feeling like explaining his dick to a one night stand was too complicated for him to do to even assuage it that way.
“No- I know. It’s not that. It’s… everything.”
Now it’s Cas’s turn to sigh. “Don’t make things unnecessarily complicated, as you humans tend to do. I’ll call you.” He hangs up.
Dean lets the phone fall with his arm limp to his side. “Yeah. Great. That’s helpful.” He says to the empty air. “That’s helpful.” Asshole.
-------------------------------------------------------
They’re in the car, and Dean is driving, and there is too much going on. He’s not sure whether he’s happy that Cas is in the backseat for this conversation or not. “So you’re… my Deanna.”
Dean’s hands tighten on the wheel. He looks at them and ignores the voice in his head that says they are petite. Womanly. “Uh, yeah. I was born Deanna Jane Winchester.” He clears his throat and meets Cas’s eyes in the rearview. He gives him a little nod, and Dean continues. “I’m… It’s called trans.”
Dean risks a look over at Mary, and she’s playing with her ring. “So you… wanted to be a boy.”
Dean clears his throat again. He’s pretty sure he does it every time before he talks, and he’s also pretty sure his voice gets lower every time he talks, too. He swears it’s an automatic reflex.
“Dean’s soul is- that of a human man.” Cas interrupts, saying it like that clarifies things. The corner of Dean’s mouth tilts up a little bit. Cas did tell him that he could see his soul, and also told him that it was, and he quotes ‘A color more similar to that of a men than women.’ Which, yeah, that tracks. He guesses Cas leaves off the ‘more similar’ part to make things simpler for Mary.
“And so you…” Mary trails off, a finger pointing toward his chest aborting its mission when she realizes it might be rude.
Dean raises an eyebrow with amusement. “Cut my tits off? Yeah.” He takes a hand off the wheel to raise his shirt, proudly showing off his top surgery scars. Mary trails a hand along them, feeling the raised skin. “After Sammy went to college. It was a bitch of a few weeks, but it was worth it.”
Mary takes her hand away and nods, brows furrowed like she’s trying to wrap her head around it. Dean grins. The grin freezes awkwardly, the edges tilting down, when Mary opens her mouth again. “So you have a-”
Cas coughs loudly in the back seat. Dean meets his wide eyes with a similar expression, and Mary cuts off the question, catching onto the fact she said something wrong. “Don’t think we really need to go there, do we, mom?”
That was a question for him and whatever lucky son of a bitch (gender neutral) ended up in his bed at the end of the night. “Right.” Mary says quickly. She turns her whole body then, asking, “Is that why you like men?”
Dean only swerves a little, he swears. The car coming the opposite direction doesn’t seem to agree, holding its horn long and hard. Luckily, it gives him a moment to stutter less obviously.
“Sorry, I just meant- since you two are-” Mary gestures between Cas and Dean, and Dean blinks his eyes solidly, trying to convince himself this is really happening.
“No! I mean, we-” Dean doesn’t have the balls (hehe) to look at Cas in the back seat, but he can see the trench coat shifting out of his peripheral. “I’m not-”
“Was John okay with this?”
Dean laughs. It comes out bitter and dark. “Dad didn’t much give a fuck what I did with my body. He’d given up on grandkids about the time he saw how decent I was at hunting, so my long hair wasn’t a personal loss.” He knew I wasn’t gonna live long enough to give him grandkids, not without some self-sacrifice on John’s part.
Mary looks a little shocked at his outburst, and Dean almost feels bad for being so blunt and crass. But then he remembers growing up with John as his male role model, and he tightens his jaw. No, the bluntness and crassness was accurate. “Oh.”
“... Yeah.” Dean bites his lip and risks another glance at his mom.
“So, you’re okay with this?” He waves a hand at himself. Asking if she was okay with him was just too pathetic, even for him. She looks at him uncertainly, a frown he recognizes as his own on her face.
“I don’t think I’m okay with any of this, Dean. But… I guess I’ll adjust.”
#tw: dysphoria#trans dean#destiel#deancas#ftm dean#transmasc dean#fanfic#dean is trans#my writing#mine
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g.p.s - god, parents suck | m
summary; seokjin just wants to enjoy the disney treatment and you are more than happy to deliver pairing; dilf!jin x hotelier!reader genre/warnings; crack, humor, gets a lil emotional, teenage daughter issues, one very minor allusion to a daddy kink LOL, a very vaguely implied sex scene, so CHEESY w.c; est. 5.1k a/n; wee my first jin fic! this is for @btsghostiewritersnet #DynamiteDads event! I was supposed to go to disney this year but sadly miss rona had to cancel our plans so this is just pure self indulgence. as always thank u to @eerieedits/ @chillingtae for the disney dream fic banner!
if you like it give it a bippity-boppity-boop on the like and share buttons! ✨✨✨
“Left, left!” Seokjin cries, holding onto the emergency break for dear life, “not my left, your left!”
“We’re facing the same way! We have the same lefts!”
“Clearly not if we’re going right, Sweetheart.”
“But the GPS says to go right!”
“In four-hundred feet, keep left at the fork,” Google Maps interrupts pleasantly.
“That’s it. Kim Yeji, pull over!”
“But Daaaaaaaaad,” yet his daughter complies, sadly pulling over at the edge of the road. She doesn’t even have to step on the gas, just turns the wheel slightly so she can land slowly, pathetically on the gravel.
“Angel,” Seokjin says levelly, reaching over to unclick the seatbelt. “I will drive the rest of the way, I gave you time to practice for you have to drive to college but we can’t get on the highway like this.”
“You never let me do anything.”
“What, I do! Who let you go to prom in that sequined excuse for a dress?”
“Uncle Namjoon!”
“Fine, I’ll give him that! Who let you dye your hair to a crisp—”
“Uncle Hoseok!”
“Uncle–” Seokjin is affronted, jabbing the seatbelt in it’s locked position when he gets in the front seat. “Forget it, let’s just have a peaceful drive for the next few hours until we get to the hotel,” he removes Yeji’s phone from the holder, placing it in her lap.
“Dad,” she waves her phone around, pointing to Google Maps, “you need the GPS to get there.”
He scoffs, “No, I don’t. We’ve been to Disney plenty of times. I know where we’re going.”
“Oh yeah? When’s the last time we went to Disney?”
“When you were two? Three?”
Yeji relaxes in her seat, not ready to argue with her dad once more. “Alright, lead the way,” she gestures vaguely to the empty parkway, devoid of life for miles.
Seokjin is undeterred, reaching over the console to pat Yeji’s blonde hair. He turns on the radio, only to be met with the sound of crunchy static and terrible country music. Cutting the radio, he immediately switches to an old Disney CD, telling Yeji to let it go as he pulls into the open road. Reddish dust clouds around the car briefly, ripping against the tires as they drive off to their hotel.
“Is this the Princess Hotel?”
“Nope, this is the Prince S Hotel.”
You can’t help but grin at the way your current customer’s face falls. He’s a handsome thing, all plush and pillowy in the cheeks and lips. Despite his daughter hanging off his arm like a limp noodle—after all it’s past 2AM and they’ve probably been driving for hours—he still manages to look somewhat put-together despite you telling him they’ve got the wrong place.
“Told you, use the GPS,” her daughter chastises weakly, tucking her cheek in his shoulder.
His kid’s a pretty girl, kind of reminds you of when you were a teenager. “The Princess Hotel is about an hour away on the other side of the Disney resorts,” you say slowly, noting from the way the girl is swaying on her feet that her father must be equally as tired, “although, I would suggest staying here for the night. Your daughter’s about to fall asleep on my counter.”
At the pointed look you’re giving the teen, Seokjin puts a protective hand on her slim shoulders. “Yeji-bear, why don’t you lie down for a bit,” he leads her over to a spare couch. “We’ll call our booked hotel,” he says shortly, looking over his shoulder to give you a forced smile.
Ah, you’ve seen this scene one or two times in your days working at Prince S. A father too prideful to admit he may have messed up just a little with the directions, and a child that probably argued or simmered so hard on the way they’re passed into a stupor on your lobby couch. Tonight, or your early morning is a little special though, you’ve never seen a father as handsome as the one in front of you, exasperatedly calling up their real hotel reservations.
“What? My reservation has been revoked?” her daughter groans when he jostles around his lap, knocking her head, “how can you do that? Past the time? I thought this was Disney!”
You drum your nails against the counter, using your other hand to pull up your guest list for the night on the computer. The father, now furrowed in the face, walks up to you and leaves his daughter on the plush couch.
“One double bedroom for the weekend, please,” the father pulls his cards out, flicking it to your side of the counter. He places down his car keys in the available holder, “I parked out front, you do valet right?”
With a nod, you get to work. “Take it they weren’t very accommodating?”
“They gave our hotel room to some Make-A-Wish Foundation kid!” he cries exasperatedly, hands in the air as you patiently book the room. Your eyes linger longer than usual on his driver’s license and ID: Kim Seokjin. Even his driver’s license mugshot looks handsome. He rests his arms against your counter, despondent. “Is it terrible for me to hate on some kid with a terminal illness?”
“A little,” you shrug, slipping his keycard under his elbow, “but I mean according to your, Yeji-bear,” you can’t help but giggle at the nickname, “if you used the GPS you’d be at the correct hotel.”
“Don’t remind me,” Seokjin glares, hauling his and Yeji’s luggage in one hand, “baby, let’s go upstairs c’mon.”
You watch the small family trudge to the elevators, sleepily walking forward like zombies. No one spares you a second glance, they never do, so it gives you ample courage to take a look at Kim Seokjin’s toned body. Broad shoulders, a Dorito-trimmed waistline, and long legs that you want to climb up on.
Oh, daddy.
“Hey,” Yeji pops up on your counter, looking much perkier than she did hours before, “do you have my dad’s car keys?”
Trying not to raise your brows at your young guest, you give her a smirk, leaning over the counter. A spunky thing, with sharp eyes with a pretty cat-tipped eyeliner shape that has her looking well put-together. You wish you had your shit together as a teenager, you barely have it together now.
“I do,” you quip, “why?”
“I wanna get Starbucks,” she says simply, “the pineapple matcha is to die for, and I want to drink as many summer specials as I can before it’s over.”
“Valid,” you reply, going into your master key to retrieve all the guests’ keys. Taking Seokjin’s from its holder, you note the expensive make. Peering up from your desk, you look at Yeji’s innocent features. Before you place the key in her waiting palm, you snatch it away, “Why do I have the feeling you’re doing something that you’re not supposed to be doing?”
Yeji tilts her head, “I don’t think it’s any of your business,”
Sassy. You like it. “Get me a grande matcha frappe and your secret’s safe with me.”
“Deal.”
Watching Yeji drive off in the large Hyundai Palisade gives you a little twinge of worry, but you quickly tamp it down to motherly instinct. If you were Yeji’s mom—which you’re definitely not, you’d be worried. Naturally, you feel similarly.
The hotel phone rings, the red light from 921 blinking on your switchboard. Flipping down the room number you pick up the receiver, “Prince S Hotel, how can I help you?”
“You do booking, valet, and housekeeping?” Seokjin’s exasperated voice says in your ears, “who would I call if I want breakfast?”
“That would also be me,” you reply wryly, twisting the curly wire between your fingers, “we advertise ourselves as a hotel for the quality, although we are much smaller with only thirty rooms. Sort of like a bed n’breakfast, getting the true royal treatment.”
“Would the royal treatment consist of some extra towels and a continental breakfast?”
“You got it.”
A little cliché of you to do the whole “whistle while you work” segment—a lacy apron to make sure your uniform doesn’t get dirty, a spot of coffee to keep you peppy and setting everything up on a gold trimmed cart. You didn’t think you’d see Seokjin again, especially after how upset he was about his room.
With a little rap on his door, Seokjin invites you inside to set up. Their room overlooks the valley as opposed to the busy roads, so it’s a perfect way to rise with the sun. He immediately reaches for the coffee as you drag your little cart in, completely ignoring the cream and sugar on the side. After a long sip, he moans in pleasure.
“Ah,” he exhales, a sound that has you teeming. You grip the handlebars a little tighter than usual, “Maybe it was fate that we ended up here.”
“Maybe,” you fight the urge to bite your lip, because Seokjin has no idea how cliché of a line that is. He isn’t even speaking directly at you, talking in front of the sun like it’s his morning routine. “Say, have you seen Yeji around?”
“Ah,” you shug, pretending to be oblivious, “I think she went out for a walk.”
He turns to you, giving you a quivering brow, “She hates walking. Probably calling her friends in Korea or something.”
Of course she doesn’t like walking, you think, that’s why she took your car for some overpriced drinks.
Instead, you place the fresh pancakes and sides on the guest table, making sure everything is organized and in order. You place the towels atop the haphazardly made bed, making sure to put two mints on top. It isn’t customary to include mints, but you think the mints your hotel has taste great and deserve to be shared around more often than not.
“So, it looks like you’re ready for Disney,” you remark, taking note of his outfit. He has on blush mid-thigh shorts, stretchy and made from a canvas fabric that looks airy and comfortable. Around his neck is a little portable fan, and on his head is an old Mickey baseball cap.
“Ah, just for today and tomorrow! Sunday is my ‘me’ day,” Seokjin says, dashing across the room at the sight of fresh food, “Yeji is meeting with some cousins and will be spending the rest of the weekend with them.”
“Sounds like a fun weekend,” you remark, turning to leave.
“Will you be working the rest of the weekend?”
This is supposed to be small talk. You try to convince yourself that Seokjin is just being polite, wondering if his service is going to be impacted by you being around or not. There must be nothing sexual, or just mere attraction, going on between the two of you. Well, maybe on your side of things. The pink shorts and the baseball cap are doing things to your body that you barely understand. Unfortunately, the eager apples of his cheeks and the innocent upturn of his lips lets you know that any possibility of returned affections is virtually nonexistent.
“It’s my weekend off,” you fight the twinge of excitement when you see Seokjin pout, “but Park Jimin relieves me, and he’s definitely a much better host than I am. He’ll make sure everything’s taken care of.”
“Does he make better pancakes than you?” Seokjin asks, swirling a bite in a ribbon of maple syrup.
“I’m afraid not,” you smile, “he makes a mean breakfast burrito though.”
He shrugs listlessly, eating slower. He takes his time to make sure every pancake is cut in equal two-centimeter pieces, taking his time as if he’s savoring the last of your home-cooked meal. “Not sure if I’ll be completely satisfied then.”
With a firm smile, you wheel your cart out as fast as you can. You can’t keep up the facade now, not with your trashy mind and your dampening panties ruining your sense of self. Quietly slamming the door behind you, you’re met with Seokjin’s spitting image.
Yeji tilts her head at you, eating you alive with her dead-on stare. She places the keys and your matcha beverage on your cart.
“Did my dad confuse you or something?”
“Is it that obvious?”
“He’s like that,” Yeji shrugs, taking a long sip of her drink, “don’t worry, I’ll put in a good word for you.”
A good word? With an uneasy smile you wheel away, ignoring the burn in your cheeks.
“Can I have the keys?” Yeji asks the next morning, minutes before your shift ends.
You fight the urge to roll your eyes. You’re sure Yeji is a wonderful kid and has a good heart, but she’s seriously putting your five-star Yelp review on the line. Cocking one eyebrow you say, “What, need your Starbucks fix?”
“Do you know how to parallel park?”
“Why, need a teacher?”
“It’d be better to have someone nearby to make sure I don’t park into a guard rail.”
“Does Seokjin approve?”
“You obviously know the answer to that,” Yeji replies, “and you and my dad are on a first-name basis, huh?”
Fighting the heat in your cheeks, you busy yourself by locking up the money box and key tin, but not before grabbing the keys to the Palisades. “I’m doing this for you because I have impeccable customer service skills,” you feign haughtiness, leaving your front desk and scanning your ID to clock out.
“Not because you think my dad is hot?” she follows you out the door.
“Do you always talk about your dad like that?”
Yeji is silent as she takes the keys from your grip, and you follow her in the passenger seat. A scent that’s fruity yet musky fills your nostrils, and you hug your arms for comfort. This is painfully awkward, at least in your point of view, but Yeji pays no mind as she connects to her Spotify playlist and turns on the air conditioner.
“I’m not one of those prissy daughters that try their damn hardest to make sure their dad doesn’t date,” Yeji murmurs, adjusting the mirrors, “anyone my dad dates will be better than Hyehwa. He deserves to be happy for all that he’s done for me.”
“Hyehwa?”
“The biological carrier for nine months,” Yeji replies dryly.
Your heart pinches, squeezing against your ribcage as you put two and two together. Hyewha, who you’re assuming is, or was Yeji’s mother, is definitely out of the picture. Yet seeing how confident Yeji is with herself, and how much he loves her father and wants him to be happy, is clear in your eyes.
“You are one cool kid,” is the only thing you can say, hoping you don’t have that silly heartened look in your gaze.
It seems that you do, because all she does is roll her eyes and put the car in drive.
It’s nearly one in the morning when you get the call.
You’re off the clock, but it’s graveyard hours and you and Jimin are craving pizza. So while Jimin tends to the last minute guests, you pick up a cheesy pie and hide behind the desk while Jimin does his job.
You’ve polished off half the pie when the main phone rings, and Jimin sighs heavily. Late night and early morning calls are the absolute worst.
“Get the hospital on speed dial,” Jimin jokes, but not really because the last time someone called at one, you really did wish you had an ambulance on-site.
“Prince S hotel,” Jimin spins the cord between his fingers, looking like a dreamy teen heartthrob as he leans against the counter. He immediately swings the phone over to your greasy fingers, “it’s a personal call.”
Wiping your hands on the box, you raise a brow. “Hello?” you ask, wholly confused.
“Mm, it’s Yeji,” the voice slurs on the other line, “I need help.”
“A-are you drunk?” you say, incredulous.
“Yeah, me and my cousin snuck a bottle downtown,” Yeji sounds nervous, and you unconsciously grip the phone tighter, “can you pick us up? I can drop you my location if you give me your number, please. My dad trusted me with the Palisade this weekend, I can’t let him know what happened. I know I’m always trying to get under my dad’s skin and whatever but I don’t want him to lose my trust, what we did is a dumb mistake.”
A part of you feels for Yeji, you’ve done dumb shit like this when you were young. All those fond memories are nothing but memories, and definitely not reflective of your current life now.
The rational, intelligent part of you knows that you should probably call Seokjin right now and tell him what’s going on. You don’t really want to get involved in their family matters, especially when as of late you’ve been inserting yourself in Yeji’s antics.
With a sigh, you pull up your Lyft app, already knowing whose side you’re on.
It takes no more than fifteen minutes for you to arrive at the scene, Yeji and what you assume is her older cousin sitting on the curb of a dilapidated Krispy Kreme, sadly polishing off a whole box of glazed donuts, Well, her cousin is polishing off the box, Yeji is taking nibbles at her proffered donut.
You sigh, pulling Yeji up. You see tear-streaks, her previously perfect cat-eye smudged off and running down her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, sounding not as inhiberated as she did before, “I bothered you.”
“Not at all,” you soothe, running a hand down her braids. You try not to melt when Yeji nearly leans into your warmth, but backs up at the last second, “I’m happy that you called. Would rather know that you’re safe now than later, yeah? I’m not mad at you,” you assure, pulling a crumpled brown napkin from the pizzeria to dab at her ruddied cheeks.
“Hi, I’m Jungkook,” you turn your head dangerously slowly towards the cute muscle pig who’s still sitting on the curb, “Ya deserve a five-star Yelp review for this service—”
“But I’m mad at you,” you pointedly ignore his drunken charm. He looks old enough to drink, which only further annoys you because he should be the one taking care of Yeji, “get in the damn car, Youngkook.”
“It’s Jungkook—”
“Get in.”
He swallows his tongue, and you notice Yeji stifling a giggle at your attitude. She wordlessly hands you the keys, clamoring in the front seat while Jungkook takes the whole back row. Yeji tiredly informs you the address to her cousin’s hotel, and you drive off into the night.
“Did I ruin my dad’s chances with you?” you think that Yeji has no clue what she’s saying, but there’s a little sliver of heart in her tone. Her face is pressed against the window, the cold glass on the verge of keeping her awake as she stumbles in and out of consciousness.
“You could never do that,” you mumble, and you smile when her eyes willingly flutter shut.
“Hey, babe,” you practically hear desperation in Jimin’s voice.
“Jimin, no,” you already know that his request is sitting prettily on the tip of his tongue, “it’s my weekend off. I’m not getting out.”
“But someone requested your pancakes,” he whines, and you can practically feel his pout on the other line, “and he said and I quote ‘I’ll be able to tell that you made them.’ I feel threatened!”
“Did they offer to pay in diamonds?”
“N-no. But he said it’s his daughter’s special weekend and he’d be really thankful if you’d come by and make your breakfast for him.”
Daughter? Yeji. You sigh, rubbing a hand over your face. You have your own room separate from the hotel, a deal that has you living rent free in exchange for your hard labor five days a week. “Heat up the stove for me and crisp the bacon,” you mutter, hanging up and throwing the phone under the covers.
Tugging your hair back and throwing on a large hoodie, you put on your slippers and pad down the little sidewalk that leads to the hotel. The sun beats down on you immediately, willing you to go back to your air-conditioned room to fall back asleep. Swimming through the soup that is the Californian air, you shuffle inside Prince S and make a beeline for the kitchens. You brush through busy employees, flashing a quick smile and “good morning” as you get to your station.
Jimin is already there, sitting at your workspace. All your ingredients are sitting out: flour, eggs, butter, vanilla, baking powder, baking soda, buttermilk, and fresh berries. However, Jimin makes no moves to attempt cooking, instead looking at you with pursed lips and waiting for you to get a move on.
“Get your butt off my counter,” you slap his thigh disapprovingly, pulling your sleeves up to start mixing the ingredients, “you’re dirty.”
“I embrace being dirty,” Jimin replies majestically, kicking his legs back and forth. His Doc Marten creepers wave in your vision, “thank you for swinging by. He said that it was really really important that you come in and make them. Daughter’s request.”
“They’re lucky they’re a cute family,” you mutter under your breath, although the words aren’t laced with malice.
The batter is fluffy and puffy, rising with the scent of melted butter and caramelized sugar. You take careful fingers towards the berries, creating a smiley face in the uncooked pancakes.
“Is your maternal side kicking in?” Jimin says in your ear, and you swing at him with your spatula.
“Leave me alone, art is being made.”
“Sure,” Jimin hops off the table, patting your shoulder, “I got a date with room 69,” you roll your eyes, there is no such thing as room 69. “So please continue to be awesome and finish off this favor by delivering it to Mr. Kim’s room.”
“Jimin, no!” you don’t care that half the staff is staring at you amusedly, the other half uncaring because they’re so used to the two co-managers. “I’m not wearing—I’m not wearing pants.”
You gesture to the obscene amount of bare legs out in the open. California’s hot as hell, you try to wear as little layers as possible. However, in the workplace you like to keep a modicum of decency. Even though Kim Seokjin is fine fine fine, you have decorum.
But Jimin’s already off to visit the guest in room 69 and you’re stuck with a pile of fresh hotcakes and none of the workers want to get involved in your shenanigans. Typical. Begrudgingly, you force your Hallmark-esque smile and arrange the gold trimmed cart, taking care to put extra berries in the fruit dish.
It’s a simple transaction. Get in, drop off the food, accept the tip if Seokjin feels generous, and get out. The door to room 921 looks larger than life, intimidating like the gates to heaven. You knock firmly, but gingerly. “Room service?” the voice that escapes your lips is your sugary professional voice, one that makes you wince immediately.
A muffled “coming!” has you bristling at the door. You curse yourself, looking at your bunny-clad feet and your legs disappearing under your hoodie.
As soon as Seokjin pops his head open you blurt, “I swear, I’m wearing shorts underneath this.”
“Uh,” and that forces him to look at your legs. Dammit, it was a good intention but the wrong way to go. “Good to know,” he coughs, opening his door wider.
The room is much messier on Seokjin’s side of the room, now filled with Eeyore and Baymax memorabilia. A large, white Baymax plush sits innocently at one side of his untouched bed. You crack a smile at that.
“Where’s Yeji?” you ask lightly, putting both stacks of pancakes down on the available table. You absently wipe the crumbs off, leading the little pile of food-crust to the garbage can.
“Yeji?” Seokjin asks, “why would Yeji be here?”
The way you put the cutlery down instantly slows, “You called Jimin this morning saying you needed pancakes specifically made by me to give to Yeji.”
“Who?”
“Jimin?” you raise a brow, losing your high-pitched commercial tone. “Tiny, annoying blond guy?”
Seokjin stares.
You stare back.
“Yeji’s at her cousin’s townhouse,” Seokjin states plainly.
“No, you called and said Yeji wanted pancakes—” No.
Yeji, or Jimin, or both called you and set it up.
“Oh, Jimin’s an idiot,” you tap your head lightly, wanting to bop out any potential embarrassing memory that has burned in your brain, “must’ve misheard. Or is hearing ghosts! Honestly he isn’t the right mind I’m so sorry I reallygottaneedto—”
You can’t even breathe let alone exhale the rest of your sentence, so you instead do the only thing you can do—run away. You don’t bother to exude grace as you plop any trash on the cart from yesterday’s room service, whipping the cart around so fast that the side wheels fly off and pop a wheelie.
“We don’t have to let the food go to waste,” Seokjin says pointedly, probably watching you like he’s watching a comic show as you try to bolt out of the room.
The door is closed, and the little hallway is too small for you to put your body and the cart between the walls. You’ve trapped yourself. Maybe you could just leave the cart and dip? You’re sure there’s at least two extras downstairs.
“It won’t,” you reply dumbly, “I can eat it in the breakroom or something, I haven’t made breakfast for myself yet. I mean, I was kinda craving an avo-toast this morning, but pancakes are always a classic.”
Seokjin snorts at your incessant rambling, carding a hand through his chocolate locks, “I’m trying to ask you to stay for breakfast.”
“You’re trying to—oh,” you mirror his expression, running a hand over your hair so it pulls out of its already messy style. You haven’t done much physical activity this morning, but you feel absolutely breathless as you’re glued to the cheap carpet, taking in Seokjin’s wide glassy eyes
“And if you stay for dessert, I’d like to thank you properly,”
“I didn’t bake dessert,” you hide the shudder in your throat when he steps closer, pinning you against the cart. Your knuckles must be transparent by now due to how hard you’re gripping the cart.
“You didn’t,” Seokjin agrees, “but you definitely brought it.”
You yelp, actually, a whole little dolphin-squeal escapes your lips as Seokjin puts his hand against the wall. You’re actually living a Disney-esque scenario that you do not want to be in. Seokjin’s either trying to give you the Eugene-Signature-Smoulder, or the Prince Naveen charm that isn’t very charming.
“You’re a cheeseball,” you try to snap back, but it only comes out as a small reply, fitting of your cramped situation.
His buttery brown eyes are clear and warm, and his sweet scent envelopes your form. You feel impossibly small, sinking deeper and deeper into your hoodie until you feel the heat of his voice sinking deep into your skin.
It’s then that he leans in and whispers in your ear, his voice a simple request, “Please tell me that you’re interested in me too.”
Something clutches softly in your heart, tethering you to Seokjin’s gaze. You wonder how many times Seokjin goes through this scenario. You wonder if he’s happy being a bachelor. You figure that many partners must have doubts being tethered by a teenage daughter, or if Seokjin is used to fleeting hook-ups.
“Have been since check-in,” you reply smoothly, finding your breath and looking up from your eyelashes.
Seokjin’s lips find yours, and you swear you’re lip-locking with Cloud Nine. They’re soft and supple and taste a little like maple syrup as they mingle with yours, and you can’t help but weave your hands through his equally silky strands, tugging him closer as he hooks his arms under your bare thighs.
He gives your bottom an experimental squeeze, leading you to the unmade bed.
Needless to say, breakfast has to wait.
“So, I’m going to throw a cliché.”
“Sure, we’re in Disney.”
“Why me?” you slap his bare chest when Seokjin laughs, pouting, “I mean it! All I did was look cute and give you pancakes!”
“So you admit you’re cute,” Seokjin smirks.
“C’mon don’t change the subject, tell me!”
Even though this hotel is partially yours, you’re still amazed at the softness of the Egyptian cotton as it engulfs both your bodies. Maybe it’s because you’re warm and bathing in the noon afterglow, maybe it’s your bed partner. Still, it feels divine as you lounge in bed, sipping champagne (left by the door, courtesy of Jimin.)
“Mm, caught you driving around with Yeji in my car.”
You sit up straighter, clutching the sheets to your chest, “You saw us last night?”
“You were also out last night?” Seokjin tilts his head, “I meant when you taught her how to parallel park.”
“Oh fuck—I mean,” you slap your forehead, knowing you can’t get away with this one, “Let’s just say I helped her out of a sticky situation. Don’t blame Yeji, blame Yeji’s bunny-headed cousin.”
“Noted,” Seokjin throws an arm around you, snuggling closer. You relax into his hold, melting between the sheets and his soft skin, “Knowing you’re pulling through for her. Let’s just say I’m a little soft for my daughter, no matter how old.”
“She’s wonderful,” you say genuinely, taking slow sips of your bubbly drink.
“Wanna go visit her for lunch? I’m supposed to be meeting her in an hour.”
You don’t feel deterred or nervous to see Yeji, or even the possibility of meeting Seokjin’s extended family. So you agree, run back to your room quickly to throw on a reasonable summer outfit that doesn’t consist of hooded sweatshirts and booty shorts.
Seokjin offers to drive your sedan, and since you feel a little princess-ish today you decide to let him take the wheel. After a few minutes attempting to drive in the direction of the townhouse however, you lower the volume on the radio.
“Jin? I think you’re going the wrong way,” not only do you live here, but you went to the townhouse last night and you’re sure it’s in the opposite fork, “do you want me to plug it in the G.P.S?”
“I know my way, hon,” Seokjin waves you off, confidently streaming through the oncoming traffic. You smile nervously, you have a feeling this situation has happened once or twice.
“Oh, is that why you ended up in my hotel?” you tease, “because you’re so good at directions?”
“Duh,” Seokjin reaches for your hand atop the console, “after all, my intuition led me to you.”
#jin x reader#jin crack#seokjin x reader#btsghostie#kwritersworldnet#seokjin fluff#seokjin crack#bts smut#bts fic
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more than words
50 words; 50 sentences
ao3
#01 - Motion
A spinning kick, a swing of blade — the two meet and hit but don’t hurt, and Nami sighs exasperatedly at such a pathetic display of a mating dance.
#02 - Cool
Zoro stands his ground as his enemy — finally, finally — falls unceremoniously on his back, unconscious, and Sanji thinks for a moment that the sight of Zoro — wild and victorious and ready to take on the world — looks kind of, maybe, slightly cool.
#03 - Young
Brook sees the two — dying to die for each other, the weight of their friends’ lives pulling down their shoulders — and he thinks too many people forget how young they still are.
#04 - Last
The Cook is the last person Zoro would consider lending a hand in a fight — “who would want to work together with that dumbass anyway,” he lies whenever anyone asks, and doesn’t admit that it’s because he trusts Sanji’s ability to stand his ground, wholly and fully.
#05 - Wrong
Sanji knows Zoro, like him, understands better than most — that this nakama thing isn’t just something you’d die for, but something you’d kill for, too.
#06 - Gentle
Sanji manages to catch Kitetsu before it rolls off from the deck during a storm, and in that moment, Zoro knows, from the reverent way he regards the swords in his hands, that this isn’t the first time the Cook has wielded one.
#07 - One
“Calm down, Marimo,” Sanji says with a dismissive wave of his hand when Zoro asks about the sword a few days later, “I’m not about to take your place as the ship’s swordsman; a cook doesn’t use his hands to fight, and I had a terrible teacher anyways.”
#08 - Thousand
“I’m worth two thousand men,” Zoro grumpily says, almost sulking, and Nami can’t resist patting his head like she would to a little boy pulling the pigtail of a girl he has a crush on.
#09 - King
You’re like the prince of Dumbass Kingdom, Zoro says, and it takes Sanji everything in him not to blurt out, Dumbass Kingdom sounds about right; wait ‘till you see the fucking king.
#10 - Learn
Watching Sanji converse fluently with a couple of tourists in a Northern language, Zoro wonders when he will ever stop learning something new about Sanji — or if he ever will, at all.
#11 - Blur
When Zoro finally comes to, the wounds from Bartholomeow Kuma is muted by Chopper’s medicine, a dull throb at the back of his consciousness; but the sharp pain against his heart feels raw still, visceral and razor-sharp, tucked alongside the ache of Sanji’s sacrifice.
#12 - Wait
“Wait,” he manages to croak out before Sanji flees the room, the word spilling out unbidden; he isn’t quite sure why, but he knows that he wants the Cook to stay.
#13 - Change
“Have some fucking decency ,” Sanji yells, throwing a shirt at Zoro’s direction; the brute has been walking around the ship bare-chested like an eyesore ever since they entered the summer island, and Sanji is just trying to do everyone a favor — and definitely not because there’s a different kind of heat pooling at the pit of his stomach.
#14 - Command
Robin watches the two in amusement — Zoro could have easily refused to be Sanji’s pack mule, and she can hear him grumbling about it still; and yet, here they are, once again, together at the island’s marketplace.
#15 - Hold
Sanji is rough around the edges, bristling at the slightest touch; Zoro knows he needs to be gentle, but he doesn’t quite remember the last time he held something that isn’t a hilt of a sword, without meaning to hurt . It’s a learning curve.
#16 - Need
Sanji knows Zoro is a dumbass, but it takes a special kind of stupid to think he would never be good enough for Sanji, when he’s all that Sanji has ever needed.
#17 - Vision
Zoro never regrets losing his eye, but he wishes, sometimes, he could still take in the sight of Sanji with an unimpaired vision, just to see more of him.
#18 - Attention
“You’re starting a fight, Marimo?” Sanji growls, voice low and dangerous, and Zoro thinks, yes, yes, anything to get you to look at me.
#19 - Soul
He loves the kid like a brother, but sometimes Zoro hates how Luffy can easily see past his gruff words and feigned ignorance; the way Luffy only needs to take one look at him to guess, “you’re worried about Sanji, aren’t you?”
#20 - Picture
He carries around everyone’s bounty posters, Sanji tells himself, and tries not to think too hard about how the only one he kept in his breast pocket is Zoro’s, folded neatly against his heart.
#21 - Fool
“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done so far,” Sanji says when they part, lips still tingling from their earlier kiss, because Zoro’s love is fierce and consuming and Sanji knows, ever since he was just a kid with the iron mask, that he doesn’t deserve any of this.
#22 - Mad
“Don’t you ever say that kind of shit again,” Zoro snarls, slamming the wall beside Sanji’s head, his voice trembling with a kind of anger Sanji has never seen him with before — frustrated, desperate. “You’re important to me, Cook.”
#23 - Child
Grow up and cast your dreams away, Sanji tells himself every day, the voice ringing in his ears; you stopped being a child deserving of a dream the moment you chained Zeff down to the ground.
#24 - Now
Grow up and cast your dreams away, Sanji wants to tell himself, but the voice stutters, drowned out by the sight of the kid bleeding on the deck of Baratie — he’s a swordsman, too, acknowledged by none other than Dracule Mihawk himself — but a kid still, throwing himself headfirst towards the case of his dreams, steps unweighted by regrets.
#25 - Shadow
Zoro doesn’t know which is worse — Sanji, forever running away from the shadow his brothers cast; or Zoro, chasing after someone who is no longer around to leave behind a shadow anymore.
#26 - Goodbye
After Whole Cake Island, there’s a period of time where Zoro would follow Sanji around the ship like a lost puppy, unwilling to let the Cook out of his sight; Usopp definitely didn’t expect Zoro to have such a cute side, and crouches over his new invention to hide his smile.
#27 - Hide
“We’re not doing that here,” Sanji hisses, and forces himself not to laugh at the pout on Zoro’s face; the galley might be secluded enough, but they’re still on the enemy ship’s galley.
#28 - Fortune
It is annoying, the way Sanji keeps reminding Zoro that he could have collected Mihawk’s bounty and lived the rest of his life in wealth; especially when Zoro would trade any riches in the world just to stay by the Cook’s side.
#29 - Safe
It catches Zoro off guard when Sanji starts talking about his mother; it’s a short anecdote, a single happy memory, but Zoro can tell by the way Sanji tells it — guarded and hesitant, like he wants to keep the words close and safe — that he has never shared it with anyone else before.
#30 - Ghost
Usopp starts shaking like a leaf as soon as they enter the abandoned, dilapidated house, and Sanji gently tells him, sometimes the worst ghost is the one you create yourself; Zoro feels the weight of Wado on his hip, and agrees.
#31 - Book
“I don’t need this,” Zoro grumbles with a blush, pushing the book back into Nami’s hands, trying hard to ignore Nami’s laughter and the words ROMANCE FOR DUMMIES emblazoned on the book’s jacket.
#32 - Eye
Shusui sinks into the man’s stomach, all the way to the hilt, and Zoro thinks of the way Sanji curled into himself as the man landed a lucky hit on the cook’s hand. An eye for an eye.
#33 - Never
“This is my first time,” Zoro whispers, head ducking away as he feels his face flush at the admission; but Sanji’s hand rests on his cheek, encouraging, and he can feel the curve of Sanji’s smile as their lips meet and Sanji replies, “it’s mine, too.”
#34 - Sing
Luffy cheers when Zoro and Sanji comes into view, and he lets them take on the next batch of enemies; a good fight is always fun, but watching Zoro and Sanji fight is even more so — like watching a dance that only those two know the melody to.
#35 - Sudden
“What, are we supposed to be surprised?” Nami says, barely looking up from the map she’s working on; Sanji sputters, face redder than the tomatoes he served during breakfast, and Nami feels almost bad for him.
#36 - Stop
“But we — Zoro and I — how did you know?” Sanji asks, and promptly stops asking questions when he realizes the rest of the crew aren’t surprised either; who could blame them, when his and Zoro’s sexual tension can be seen from a mile away.
#37 - Time
Sanji knows they have to break apart soon, just to breathe, but right now all he cares about is to taste as much of Zoro as possible — he has waited two years for this, and it has been two years too long.
#38 - Wash
They have their fair share of fighting — and how, considering the amount of repairs Usopp has to do for Merry just from their petty fights alone — but what the crew doesn’t know is that they also have this thing, this quiet thing, just him and the Cook and a stack of dirty plates between them.
#39 - Torn
“In retrospect,” Robin observes, “dressing up our dear cook in a maid uniform would not only lower the enemy’s firepower, but also ours, considering how distracted our swordsman has clearly become.”
#40 - History
“Why do you keep him around, mister?” The kid asks, pointing at the old swordsman with three swords and an eye scar by the peer; Sanji laughs, pats the kid on the head, and says, almost wistfully — “you can say we have some history.”
#41 - Power
Sanji tugs at Zoro’s sleeve, and Zoro follows suit despite his complaints — Sanji thinks, distantly, how much of an honor it is, to have so much control over such a powerful man.
#42 - Bother
“I didn’t have enough time to make this three-tier ice cream cake for our lovely Nami-san and Robin-chan because you distracted me!” Sanji says with a hard jab of a finger against Zoro’s chest, and Zoro thinks, good .
#43 - God
Zoro does not believe in gods, but there’s a hymn of a noise when Zoro presses his lips against the crook of Sanji’s neck, the hallelujah of the world breaking apart as their bodies move together, and he thinks, close enough .
#44 - Wall
Zoro slams his fist into the wall of Polar Tang, and is taken aback by the depth of his own frustration; he knows Luffy and the others will get Sanji back from Big Mom’s place, but it unsettles him still, the way Sanji hides himself under layers of pretenses when Zoro has bared so much of himself to the Cook in return.
#45 - Naked
“What the fuck was that for , Mosshead?!” Sanji shrieks, justifiably furious, leg raised and on fire after Zoro sliced his tray into two without preamble; Zoro can’t exactly tell the Cook he did it because he was too surprised at the sight of Sanji in a swimming trunk and nothing else.
#46 - Drive
Why Zoro , people sometimes ask, but the answer is easy to Sanji — nobody drives him crazy the way Zoro does, and is that not what true love feels like?
#47 - Harm
Zoro knows Sanji will be furious ; but as he faces Kuma, knowing at least the Cook is out of harm’s way, he knows he would do this a hundred times over, a thousand times over, a million times over.
#48 - Precious
Sanji is sitting by the corner of the infirmary, face pale with red-rimmed eyes, and Zoro thinks he’s never had that, before — people who would weep for him, knowing that he is more than dried scars and calloused skin.
#49 - Hunger
This thing we have is dangerous, Sanji tells him, but Zoro doesn’t care — he already has a craving, the same way he needs a booze when it’s been too long, except he thinks that this vice will surely kill him.
#50 - Believe
This isn’t faith; this is the truth, Zoro’s truth, the same way he knows he will become the Greatest — Sanji will find that elusive sea of his, and Zoro will stay with him until it is the last thing he can do.
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Whumptober Day Three “Who did this to you?”
Day Three has arrived! I hope you enjoy my contribution :)
he’s happy to light the match (and watch them burn, burn, burn)
Jaster wakes up with the knowledge that his son is still missing. It’s the same start to the day that he’s had for the past three weeks and it gets even harder to bear every day. He knows the statistics of what happens to missing Haat’ade children. Most likely, Jango has been taken by Death Watch and even now, his son is probably being tortured by those dar’manda huutun’la shabuire.
Jango’s only fifteen, old enough for a verd’goten and old enough to come on contracts with them, but definitely not old enough for torture. There’s never an age at which torture is acceptable but fifteen is too young. Jaster’s been captured and tortured before and he’s got the scars to prove to it. He can’t imagine those scars on his son’s skin. They don’t belong.
He pulls on his beskar’gam carefully, checking every strap and buckle twice before striding out into the Haat’ade camp. They should’ve been back in Manda’yaim by now but Jaster had refused to leave without finding Jango and his people hadn’t hesitated before agreeing.
Their command tent isn’t far from Jaster’s own and he reaches it quickly. There’s only two Mando’ade present, seeing as the sun of this planet hasn’t even risen yet. Jaster hasn’t had a proper nights sleep since Jango went missing and he’s pretty much been keeping schedule with the nocturnal Mando’ade. Mandalore is made up of a fairly wide range of species but whatever beings make up Jaster’s blood, he’s definitely diurnal. He’s been mainlining caf like water for most of the month.
“Anything new?” He asks as he walks in and is greeted with two “no’s”. He curses and collapses into a chair. He’s not entertaining the possibility that Jango is dead. It’s anathema to him. There’s a reason why even Mando’a, a language known for putting words to strange concepts like “the feeling you get after eating a good spicy meal”, doesn’t have a word for a parent who’s lost their child. Jango isn’t supposed to die before Jaster and he won’t, he hasn’t.
Jango is alive out there and he’s just waiting for Jaster to find him. It’s a parental instinct that had settled in Jaster’s bones the second he had met the scrappy son of Concord Dawn’s Journeyman and it’s stayed with him for seven years. Jango’s is alive, he has to be, because Jaster doesn’t know what he’d do if he’s not.
He distracts himself by checking the tracker programs his slicers had set up, scrolling through each one in turn, hoping for so much as a glimpse of his son. His verde start trickling into the command tent as the sun finally begins to rise and Jaster questions each one in turn, praying that they’ll know something.
It’s fruitless. Twenty-three days have passed since Jango’s blood soaked armour was discovered beyond their camp and there’s been nothing.
He organises his people into search parties once again, focusing heavily on Mando’ade from predator races. They all know Jango’s scent and if they smell blood, they’ll track it until it’s proven to either be Jango’s or unrelated to their search.
Jaster knows they can’t keep this up forever. They all have responsibilities back on Manda’yaim and no matter how much the Haat’ade love Jango, everyone has a limit. But he needs to find his son. Nothing else matters except Jango. Jaster is a Mandalorian, it’s written into his bones, and he has a Mandalorian instinct to protect children, especially his child. He’s not leaving without him.
Twelve hours later, the search parties have all returned to camp with no new information and Jaster feels like going insane. They’ve combed practically the entire planet, they had locked down every spaceport they could find with the natives help, and they still haven’t found Jango. He marks off the places that were searched today on the map with a red marker and stares hopelessly at it.
The whole map is red. The only place they haven’t looked is the cave system on the north side of the planet but the natives had told them that the whole thing was pretty much caved in. There’s nowhere big enough in the caves to hold a Death Watch camp.
Jaster dismisses the gathered verde and heads back to his empty tent. The space doesn’t feel right without the sounds of Jango’s movement in it. Jaster complains endlessly about his son’s snoring but he would sleep through any amounts of it so long as it meant he had Jango back.
The tent suddenly feels too desolate and Jaster makes a hasty exit, jogging towards the trees at the back of their campsite. He slows to a walk and belatedly remembers to turn his tracker on. The last thing anyone needs is the Mand’alor going missing at the same time as his son.
He walks for about an hour before he suddenly comes across the collapsed cave system. Something spurs him on and Jaster decides to keep going and enter it. He pulls out a luminous marker to ensure he doesn’t forget the way back and heads into the dark tunnel, flicking on the light attached to his viewfinder.
Jaster marks the paths he takes until he finds himself in a large, open cavern. He’s so in awe of the cave’s natural beauty that he nearly misses the bloody figure slumped against the far wall. Jaster proceeds warily until the figure ends up in the light of his viewfinder and he abandons all caution as he recognises Jango’s familiar form.
Jaster rushes to his son’s side, carefully turning him onto his back so he can inspect the damage inflicted on him. . He gasps audibly at the injuries he finds, injuries he had never thought he’d see on his son’s skin.
Jango is covered in blood but Jaster can still see the whip marks curling around his waist, and the delicate lines carved by a wicked sharp knife scored down his stomach. The wounds aren’t bleeding, but they’re starting to turn a sickly green colour that still doesn’t detract from the fact that Jaster can see every single one of Jango’s ribs.
“Who did this to you?” Jaster whispers in horror but when he sees the weeping burns on Jango’s arms, he knows exactly who and more importantly, what had done this. Lightsaber burns. It was Viszla and he had used the Dha’kad’au, the epitome of Mandalore to torture a child.
Jaster has never found himself more thankful for Mandalorian armour than he is at that moment. He gathers Jango in his arms and practically runs back through the tunnel, taking care with his precious cargo. His armour means that he can use his jetpack to cut down his return time to a mere ten minutes and the noise of it ensures the camp is awake and ready to receive him.
Jaster touches down lightly and carefully hands Jango over to a medic for treatment. He follows behind them as Jango is taken to the baar’ure’s tent for as long as he’s able before they kick him out to keep it sterile.
He takes the chance to gather the awakened verde together to plan a hunt for Viszla. The shabuir has evaded them every chance he’s gotten, but they have the planet on lock-down and there’s nowhere for the coward to hide now.
As soon as they have a plan together, Jaster is going to find Tor Viszla and tear him to shreds for daring to harm his son. He’s going to claim the Dha’kad’au while he’s at it and see if Viszla enjoys being tortured with it half as much as he had probably enjoyed torturing Jango. Viszla and Kyr’tsad are going to burn and Jaster is happy to light the match. They should’ve never gotten between a pissed off buir and his ad. They’re certainly going to regret it.
#whumptober 2021#no.3#who did this to you#jango fett#jaster mereel#star wars#tw#burns#aftermath of torture
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No Minor Miracles
This is a completed story - pending only an epilogue at this point. Reposted to Tumblr from AO3.
Summary:
“Hello Aleksander.” He closed his eyes at the sound of her whispered greeting. Could she have picked any other night? Any other than this one? “Why do you haunt me when I feel at my weakest to defend myself?” He asked. “You are always droll when we meet. First I am your demon and now I am your ghost.”
_____________
Captured by Grisha slavers and ultimately shipwrecked between West Ravka and Kerch, Alina is orphaned and stranded on the other side of the Fold.
In secret, the Sun Summoner is raised and trained thousands of miles outside of Os Alta and the reach of the Black General.
Ambition leads her to seek out the infamous Shadow Summoner in her twenties—only, he isn’t what she expected.
Yet still, she leaves Os Alta broken-hearted and unsure and both Alina and Aleksander resolve to stick to their own sides of the world for some years after.
—Until a weary night on the war front pushes the Black General to reach out to his old enemy.
What follows is an ongoing struggle for power, information, dominance and, ultimately, each other.
But with two such Saints involved, surely miracles will abound.
Chapter 1 | A Night on the Warfront
He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut as four of his soldiers continued their debate. The map spread out before them was littered with crude markings. A dirty shell casing sat near the edge of the Fold, the scale of it far out of proportion considering it was reported to be a small camp with no more than five tents.
“The West is closing in. They have some kind of advantage. Otherwise they would not drift so close to the Fold.”
“What do you propose we do about it? You can hardly expect us to sneak through the Fold on our end and catch them off guard.”
“I’m not convinced it is the West at all—our scouts themselves weren’t sure.”
“You don’t expect Shu Han to set up so far North in enemy territory.”
“I’m not saying that, I’m saying we don't know that it's army at all. Could be refugees seeking the protection being so close to the Fold can provide for all we know. We’ve seen it before.”
The General reached for the decanter, eyes bleary with lack of sleep. He refilled his glass. The soldiers continued to debate.
“You’ve seen it before? And when was that?” Ivan stared down the Inferni.
The young man stuttered, eyes shifting cautiously to the General who paused with his glass aloft.
“R-Rumors maybe but…years back we had intel of refugees camping near the Fold at the behest of the Sun Summoner.”
The General made no outward sign of recognition. He took another drink and placed his glass back on the table.
The neatly coiled rope at the center of his very being seemed to writhe. His heart picked up pace and he shot a covert warning glare at Ivan to keep his mouth shut. The Heartrender glared back, averting his gaze to the Inferni once more.
Internally he reached for the tether, intending to coil it back up and press it down again but he found once he touched it, he could not bring himself to let it go. Blame it on many late nights, war weariness and something else he refused to acknowledge in the presence of subordinates.
The tether gave a dull throb in his grasp.
The General forced himself to speak and quell the tension building in the tent.
“Rumors perhaps. We won’t know until it is too late. We must assume it is the West attempting the next step in secession. Prepare a skiff. I want the strike unit outfitted with the shielding cloaks. We send the skiff through on one side of the camp while our team traverses the Fold on foot on the other.”
He felt her presence in his chest first as the embers present stoked to a fiery glow. The General continued to stare at the map with a hardened glint in his eyes and ignored her apparition; his hand squeezed the tumbler.
“While the camp is preoccupied with the skiff, the strike team will take them out from behind. No prisoners.”
“And if they are refugees, sir?”
The General lifted his eyes to her. Her raised eyebrows expectant on her otherwise impassive face.
“No prisoners.”
She cocked her head at him but stayed quiet, surveying his whole being. Plotting his features for the signs of weakness, he was sure.
“You have your orders. You are dismissed.”
“But-sir which soldiers should we send on the skiff—“ The Inferni began.
“Ivan.” The General didn’t have to complete his request.
The Heartrender escorted the young Inferni out.
The General looked at her and then back at the decanter, determined to pull his features together though he felt his control slipping.
This, of course, was evidenced by her very presence.
“I feel I should offer you a drink. Though I am not sure if you could taste it.”
“It would be a warm gesture though. I wouldn’t decline to try.” She stepped closer to him and he struggled to keep the tension from his posture, his breath from hitching at the sound of her voice. How long had it been again?
He allowed himself the time to take her in. A decade had passed without seeing her. She looked older in some vague sense. Mostly in her eyes. He could tell by her gaze that she was severely less innocent than a decade ago.
Her posture too. She held herself with grace and dignity, the insecurity of youth long since fallen away.
“You’re looking well.” He said.
She blushed without a hint of modesty and he felt the warmth emanating from one of them. He couldn’t be sure who.
“I could say the same of you. Your hair has grown long. You look like a warrior.”
Her hands were clasped in front of her. Not reaching toward the dark locks that hung past his shoulders, half of it pulled back and tied with leather.
“I have been a warrior more often than not during my lifetime. I’m pleased to hear I look the part.”
She smirked at him and reached for his hand, bringing the glass to her lips for a sip.
“Can you taste it?”
She shook her head with a demure smile.
He took the glass away, musing out loud, “I thought not. This connection is beyond anything which has been studied but I do recall I could never see something unless you touched it.”
He put a hand on the map and watched her as she swiftly took in the details proffered on the table and then glanced back at him. Her eyes betrayed nothing.
“You did used to visit me more often than you do now. Though perhaps those visits were simply part of your own research efforts.”
When he didn’t respond for a few moments she continued, “I wondered if you had forgotten about me altogether.”
His chest bobbed a little higher under his breath as he studied her but eventually he decided how best to play this new hand.
“I do not consider myself forgetful in any regard, Miss Starkova.”
The liquid swirled in his glass as he caught her momentary bristle at the moniker. No doubt many years have passed since she was addressed as such.
He hummed, amused at her ruffled feather and resolved to push his luck, dipping his finger in the glass and looking up at her. “Now you mention, I do wonder…”
He lifted his finger to her lips and she scolded him with her eyes but allowed her tongue to brush over his skin. When her eyes drifted shut he couldn’t stop the backs of his fingers trailing over her cheek.
“Some things don’t change, do they? You favor the same casks of wine pilfered from the cellar of a Tsar.” She tutted and he smiled at her.
The first real smile she had seen him give in over a decade. Her insides pulsed.
“Then you are not forgetful, either.” He said in lament. He turned away from her.
She sighed. “This is tiring, please can we speak normally? Some time has passed since I last received your call. Did you mean for me to come to you tonight?”
He huffed a breath. “A compelling question for us both, I think. I wish I knew.”
When her eyes turned wary, she stepped away from him and he almost shouted at her. “No. Not—not yet. Just stay.”
The wariness turned to concern and she studied his features without reticence.
“What has happened? Tell me.”
“Nothing has happened. Nothing. It’s just—“ His hand raised to stroke her cheek again and he adored the way she leaned into it. Had she ever done that for him before? He could not remember. Not forgetful, indeed.
“Rumors.” He murmured. “Rumors reach me always of your life. Rumors of your death, of your sainthood and of your miracles. Tonight I—I wished for a miracle.”
Smiling sweetly, she cupped his face in her hands and stepped to him.
“My dear Aleksander,” Her eyes searched his for a moment. “The only miracle tonight lies in the possibility of two enemies who allow themselves to meet as friends. It would take two saints to pull that off. I am but one saint and cannot tell you the outcome. How strong is your desire for this miracle?”
His jaw clenched. He was so tired. Tired of wanting. Tired of losing. Tired of feeling like he was trailing behind. Forever out of step with her when he simply desired to be at her side.
His hand wrapped around the juncture of her shoulder and neck and he shook her. “You are no saint. You are a demon. My own personal demon sent from below to torture me on this plane. That must be it. I have yet to die and pay my dues and my sins have grown too great.”
Many late nights had led to this. Many years of keeping the door to her firmly shut led to this.
Time had passed differently for him in this after. Before her were calmer centuries poised in a position of patience and waiting. Since he had known her, known of her existence really, this frenetic energy was sparked inside of him that he could not shake. Time was centered acutely on constant anticipation. Anticipation of meeting her, experiencing her power. Then, once he knew her, heard her speak, felt her touch, mingled his power with hers-everything inside was reignited. His greed, desire, lust, rage, justice, truth, hope. It was chaos and tumult and agony contained inside an ancient man who was not ready for it.
Centuries of emotions being quelled and dulled and hammered flat into nothing before her existence. The last decade spent attempting, fruitlessly, to grow back that callous.
A moment of weakness and he reforged his connection to her. The meager protection he hoarded around himself the past few years fell away like an autumn leaf and now he was nothing more than a naked limb in the winter snow, completely exposed before her. Begging for her warmth.
It was enraging.
Her hand covered his on her neck and she squeezed it but did not attempt to remove him. She looked at him with such sadness that he felt it ache inside himself. Although it could have been his own sadness. There really was no way to tell in the moment.
“I know your sins, Aleksander and I am not here for absolution. I am here because you called to me and I wanted to answer.” His hand dropped away from her. The emotions which were so clear on his face a moment before grew opaque to her.
She swallowed, “I know your sins. And I have missed you.”
A ripple across his eyes and then nothing. He pushed down his insides.
A stoicism formed in his demeanor and it was with complete control that he let out his next sentence. “I hate you. For leaving me, I hate you.”
She drew herself up into a more formal posture with a deep breath.
“You wanted to mold me in your image. But it did not take and I would not let it continue. It has been better this way, I think. I would have hated you had I stayed.”
He scoffed. “You would have gotten over it, given enough time.”
She smiled at him, formality breaking with the warmth in her eyes. “Just as I believe you will, my oldest friend. My eternal friend.”
He blinked and his eyes gathered tears. She pretended not to notice, scared to spook him.
“Why did you leave?”
“You know the answer already. I’ve just told you.”
“Would it have been so bad to stay?” The emotion was seeping into his voice now and she stepped toward him with caution.
“I could not bear to hate you. It is better this way. We are both better, stronger. Worthy.”
Her eyes don’t lose their warmth but he felt the accusation the same. He would have sacrificed every ounce of his goodness, sanity and patience to keep her under his will. He would have sacrificed her for it.
“Are we?” He asked quietly. They both knew what he was asking.
She stroked his cheek and he nuzzled it.
“What you have in patience, I have in hope.” His eyes closed.
“Why do you stay away from me, Alina? Even now? I am well enough tortured. Surely your task must be done.”
Another sigh. “It is not so simple when it comes to you and me. You are my Inevitable. We will have an eternity together in my future and yours. It is only natural I want some time to live in autonomy before we begin. You were granted centuries to yourself, you recall.”
“Centuries of waiting, solnyshka. Centuries alone.”
She said nothing but continued to touch his cheek, his jaw, her eyes taking in every minute detail of his face. He called her there. She did not know when he would again.
“Will you make me wait more centuries for you?”
She hummed in amusement.
“Would you wait that long for me?”
If you ask.
He wanted to say it but he had given her so much of himself already. Greed smothered over his burgeoning embarrassment. She would leave soon enough and his desires wouldn’t be tamped down neatly anymore.
Possessive and greedy. That was how she knew him.
He wanted to possess her the way she seemed to possess him. Her ownership over him felt effortless to him and he half hated her for it. He gripped her hips dragging her flush to him.
Her breath startled and fanned over his face. He paused for only a moment and then pulled her mouth to his.
His lips sliding over hers in a heightened sense of torture. Could she taste him? If not she could surely taste his blatant desire. Completely exposed and on display for her to see.
He wrenched his mouth off hers, hand clasped to the back of her neck.
“Have you taken other lovers?”
The words were hissed through clinched teeth and his hand fisted into the fabric around her hips, holding her close.
Her eyes flashed into his and then down to his mouth where she pressed a kiss. Sweet as gentling an agitated animal. She pressed another and lingered.
Far from being quieted, he panted into her mouth, fisting a hand to her hair in a rush and crushing his mouth to hers.
The moan from her throat drifted into his mouth and he swallowed it up, lifting her onto the table and plunging them into what felt like the most familiar fantasy or memory or deja vu for them both.
Everything was different. Nothing had changed.
He tangled his tongue with hers, a reluctant groan escaping from his own throat.
She knew she should stop it. It would be harder to keep going without him if she let herself have too much.
Gradually their heat seemed to lower into a simmer and they both sighed into it. His hand stroked her thigh and his other held her jaw tenderly.
He pulled her into a languid kiss, holding her face as he pulled away.
“General—“ she started as he slowly parted the fabric wrapped around her waist. He eyed her with a dark silent look as he went to his knees.
“Would you have me kneel to you, Sol Koroleva?”
She smirked at him, weaving a hand into his dark locks and pulling him forward. His answering smile was glorious to her eyes. Victorious and tender at the same time and she relished it as he devoured her center.
“Aleksander.” Her voice was weak and he shook his head, clutching her harder. Hands gripped her thighs and secured them tight over his shoulders and he groaned into her further. His tongue relentless in pursuit of her pleasure. Driving her higher and harder than she knew was possible.
A torrent of pleasure with him and she briefly mourned what she realized was now over. There would be no other lovers. Not for her anyway.
The vibrating tether in her chest was a living thing now. Where it previously lay dormant, it now pulsed. Untamed and unleashed and rooting into her body at multiple weak spots. The palms of her hands, the soles of her feet, the nape of her neck, the base of her spine. Her gut. Her chest.
It was everywhere and she was lighting up from within with the magnitude of its power.
The strength and bond of their somehow ancient connection. Ancient in the way it stretched behind them in time but also in the way it surged forward into the coming years. Into their Inevitable future.
If she wondered whether the effect was the same for him, it didn’t take long to recognize the surrounding shadows pouring from him as he lost himself in her. She whimpered at his alternating ferocity and gentleness before remembering.
Her responsibilities. Her promise to herself.
“Sasha.” There it was. Firm and accompanied with a tightening of her hand in his hair, tugging him away.
When his gaze flicked up to meet hers she almost gasped at the feral look of him. Shiny mouthed, panting. Knuckles white where they pressed her thighs to his shoulders. Eyebrows bunched in irritation at her interruption.
Her rabid, wild Shadow Summoner pulled from his meal before he was sated.
“We can’t.” Her voice was strained. Irritation deepened into defiance across his features.
“Another lover, is it?” He spat the words out.
Her eyes squeezed shut and she felt the wetness in them gathering and shook her head.
“There is no one else. There will be no one else.” The grip on his hair gentled as she smoothed the back of his head and he lost a centimeter of rigidity from his posture.
“Then why.”
“It’s too soon.” The words were stifled. More wanted to follow but she would not let it and he grunted in frustration.
“We can’t.” She repeated to herself.
His face drifted back toward her shining folds, his eyes locked on hers as he brushed a careful tongue over her core. She whimpered again, hand twisting his locks and she meant to pull him away.
“No, Alina. You can.” His heated breath fanned over her and she shivered, “Just you. For tonight.”
She looked dismayed but it melted when he bestowed another long, slow lick to her center.
“Please.” The word came from his lips and it shocked both of them. Her hands stroked over his ears and met in his hair and when he leaned in again she did not stop him.
He was wonderfully cruel in his own brand of torture. His touch purposefully delicate and calculated. He worked her up toward the edge before redirecting his attentions until she calmed.
“Sasha.” The cry was wrenched from her mouth as she tried to snap her thighs shut around his face. To force the attention she was desperately craving thanks to him. He persevered in keeping them open. Leveraging her pleasure for his purposes.
“Promise me.” He demanded between a soft caress of his tongue, tone at odds with the motion.
“Promise what?” It was a struggle to keep her eyes open as her head wanted to tilt back.
“You will come back to me.”
“You already know that I will.”
He pressed a finger into her, then another.
“Promise it. Promise you will be mine. Only mine.”
She keened and clutched his wrist in encouragement.
“And will you be mine, General? Will the Darkling belong only to the Sun Summoner?”
His fingers curled and he licked his lips, watching her take her pleasure.
“I will give myself to you alone, Alina.” His fingers curled again and she shuddered feeling so close to something so big.
“Then I promise to be yours. As much as you are mine. I will take everything you have to give, and everything you try to hide away will be mine. All of it will be mine, Sasha.”
He grunted, swallowing against her and sucking. She screamed out as she finally finished. Wave after wave of pulsing euphoria spreading over her and through her and from her chest and into the very root of her being.
The lapping continued and he kept his eyes fixed on her for the minutes following as she trembled and shuddered under his attention.
Bestowing a few lingering kisses to her thighs and smearing the moisture across them, he carefully removed her legs from his shoulders and got to his feet. When he was planted firmly between her legs, he took hold of her face again.
His forehead leaned against hers. She reached for him this time and kissed him hungrily. To her surprise, he broke away, breathing in through his nose in a deep way. His chest brushed her with each breath.
“I’m trying to prove to you I can be sweet and you are making it very difficult.”
Her answering smile was radiant.
He kissed it.
“Tell me where you are.” The demanding tone was back and she chuckled.
“I’m here. With you.” Fingers stroked his chest. His hand covered hers and he pressed it into himself and growled.
“I forgot how much you infuriate me.”
“I underestimated how enjoyable it would be still.”
His nostrils flared but his chest warmed at her mirth.
She pinched a strand of his hair between her fingers, still grinning, “We’ve brought about your miracle, after all. It is very satisfying to be this holy. Do you not agree?”
He had no words, only kisses which he placed on her cheeks, her ears, a nip to her jaw, a pull on her neck.
“Aleksander,” it was whispered. He sensed her imminent departure and kissed her again with increasing desperation. She met him with equal fervor, both unable to get close enough to satisfy the ending. When his face was buried into her neck and she clutched his body to her, she made a last attempt to secure his soul.
“In light of our miracle, can I make a request?” He nodded against her shoulder, a tender kiss placed over her pulse. “Sometimes you should take some prisoners. Please.”
Her eyes raked over his features, some kind of affection or devotion shared in their last looks. With them it seemed one posture easily slipped into the other. The lives of Saints, he supposed.
Then she was gone.
#darklina#aleksander morozova#alina starkov#alina x aleksander#mutual pining#angst#eventual HEA#smut#politics#power dynamics#darklina fanfic#darklina fic#grishaverse#the grisha trilogy#shadow and bone#shadow and bone fic
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═ ∘♡༉∘ ═ fragile havens ; luberto ═ ∘♡༉∘ ═
♡ ♡ ♡
⇒ fluff. it's all fluff. alberto is trans in this one ; and luca is a desperate pining mess pulling a poetic bitch move tryna be cute.
⇒ for the wonderful @quillsandspilledink just 'cause :)
⇒ word count ; 727
⇒ leave a comment on my ao3 IF YALL WANT MORE OF THIS KINDA STUFF LEMME KNOW <3333
♡ ♡ ♡
"Give it up, Lu. Please sleep. You're keeping me awake." Alberto's sleepy voice, rough around the edges, brushing his shoulder against Luca's side making him flush red. The pad of his finger paused it's slow crescent marking Alberto's bare neck, just below the soft curls of hair dark in the night, there.
"I'm just--" Luca blinks in the navy blue blanket of the night around them, his lashes blurring Alberto's slumped frame inches from his face. Before he could think up a good excuse to whisper back into the cold bedroom, he was asleep.
Asleep the whole night, minutes that could swell and stretch into long, blissful hours of silence filled with the smell of Alberto's shampoo. The warm light from the digital clock on Alberto's side of the bed cast red beams over the back of his head, and shoulders, twinkling amber and deepest crimson along his soft tan skin.
The perfect time to memorize that boy lying next to him.
Can we just be two stars, dancing around the moon that is our love?
He was just so beautiful. Luca was unable to use any other adjectives to ascertain what was burning in his stomach, his cheeks, his very toes. Any poem, a piece of writing, would never do Alberto justice.
Here, and only here. Well, Luca could be with Alberto any place; touch and savor his skin like a Greek statue, feel the grooves of scar tissue along his chest and exposed arms, a painting with texture, with love. But this was besides (and maybe part of) the point. Here, hidden behind too-hot covers and the thick film of nighttime quiet, there was love.
With Alberto snoring quietly, his face pressed into their shared pillow, Luca cuddled closer and let his hand resume it's slow pace, tracing cherished constellations of freckles, from shoulder blade to perfect shoulder blade. Luca didn't feel himself grinning but his lips were starting to ache from the way that they were two strings, two beings of light, he needed to kiss him. He needed to be attached at the hip, wrap his arms around him, closer and closer and never ever leave. He flattened his hand against the small of Alberto's back, wearing a baggy t-shirt, his fingers feeling only his firm muscles beneath. He'd taken his binder off, and Luca's smile widened at that. He skimmed his hand over in comforting circles along the free skin, and Alberto grumbled something in dreamy response into the bedsheets.
"Amante, will you ever get rest?"
"I don't need to sleep. I've got you here," Luca whispered against Alberto's arm, pressing his lips to the hem of his shirtsleeve.
Alberto's hand snaked out from underneath him and he cradled Luca's head to his chest. "Always the romantic, huh Lu?"
"I can't help it," Luca nosed into his throat, breathing deeply and sweetly. He was such a dream, it was like he wasn't even real. But he was holding Luca tight, with sure, strong arms, so he must be here, and not a fading half-dream. "You're just so...so safe. I want every piece of you. And I don't want to forget."
Luca's hand drew Alberto into his smaller frame curled around him, pinching the fabric of his shirt.
"You're being dramatic, tesoro."
"I'm being thorough," Luca sniffed, but shyly took his time moving his hand from Alberto's back to his hair, and the taller boy hummed in contented pleasure. Alberto faded back to sleep with Luca's hand to the crown of his head, whispering things soft at his temple, his favorite spot, he couldn't stop peppering his face in feathery kisses.
Just take my hand, and we'll skip along the planets around us, our audience. Saturno to dust our feet off, and Venere to remind us to kiss, to laugh.
I want to hold you here, keep you here.
I want to know what you look like when you're away, on a boat trip or delivering orders. Here I am, recalling each line of your body, I need no key, no map. You're my map, my home.
Is there a way to love someone, not just for their tired smiles and the lines around their lips, memories of their joy?
I'll last as long as you do. Let us burn away into the sun someday, still loving. Then--I'd never truly die.
#luberto#luca movie#luca fanfic#luberto oneshot#luberto fluff#luberto fanfic#luberto fanfiction#luca paguro#alberto scorfano#alberto x luca#luca 2021#luca fandom#alberluca#luca and alberto#gay fish boys#lgbt fanfic
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I think if your best friend and love of your life was dying right in front of you because he was finally happy, you’d probably try your hardest to make him miserable if it would literally save his life. *five minutes after having that thought* okay here’s 1.2k words about it
~~~
Dean thinks, for a moment, that the world is ending. There’s a ringing in his ears and his vision is blurry and his whole body is shaking; he feels like he’s dying. But Cas is still smiling and distantly, Dean can still hear Death at the door. So no, there’s no earthquake and no hurricane. The whole world isn’t ending. Just Dean’s.
“Don’t do this Cas,” he says. Why isn’t he saying anything else? Saying me too, saying you’re beautiful, saying love, I love you, I love you too? He opens his mouth and what comes out instead is, “You selfish asshole. Why are you doing this?”
It occurs to Dean, over the rushing of blood in his ears, what he needs to do. Because it’s always been this, hasn’t it? He’d rather hurt Cas, break his heart, break him apart, then let him go. He’ll hurt him if it’ll make him stay, and he’s the selfish asshole for that. He knows that. He keeps going anyway. It’s like he can’t stop himself. It’s like he doesn’t want to. If he can just make Cas miserable, he won’t die, won’t leave him again.
“You think you’ve got a monopoly on deathbed confessions?” Dean’s voice is hoarse, but the anger he doesn’t have to fake. “Well you can take your speech and shove it where the sun don’t shine.” Dean’s breathing is getting faster, more frantic, and he’s waiting, waiting, waiting for Cas’ face to shutter, to break, to close off. He’s still smiling, though it’s muted by something somber. Pity, maybe.
“Dean,” he starts, and the way he says Dean’s name, like it’s a blessing to hold the letters in his mouth, like he could make a home out of one single syllable… well, it breaks something in Dean. The ringing stops with a sudden clarity, and then he can hear all of the silence and all of the time escaping the room, and he knows his best friend is going to die.
“Fuck you,” he snarls, and he can’t say the words fast enough. “You’re really so damn stupid. You think this is gonna end with me sweepin’ you off your feet?” Dean’s grasping at straws, and where he tries to put venom into his voice, there’s nothing but heartbreak, deep and sad and– well, heartbreaking. He’s desperate now. He’ll say anything to break Cas’ heart like he’s breaking his own. “What, one last kiss before eternal rest?” Dean’s sneer is broken and ugly, because now all he can think about is kissing Cas, how much he wants to get close to him, feel him warm and solid and alive against him so he can prove he’s still breathing. How he’ll probably never get to. He’s the damn stupid one. “Bet you want to,” he croaks, and oh, he wants. Aches for it, desperately. He realizes now he’s crying. He has been for some time. “Bet you wanna kiss me,” his voice breaks, and finally, Cas is striding forward, arms coming to cradle Dean where he sags like all his strings have been cut.
“I do,” Cas says. Dean clutches at the back of his coat. “I do.” His voice is raw but he’s holding Dean sweetly, like it’s a privilege rather than a burden, like he’s happy to bear him.
Dean feels sick, like the world is a teetering merry-go-round, spinning faster and faster until all the horses come loose. They’d watched Marry Poppins the other night, Dean and Cas and Jack and Sam. Jack had asked if they could get a horse for the bunker after watching the race scene, all the horses coming to life and breaking free from their confines. Dean had smiled at the kid, at how much he looked and sounded and acted like Cas. He can’t think about Jack right now, not least of all because he knows what it’s like to live with one parent missing, to grow up with devastation hanging heavy everywhere you go. He can’t have that happen to his kid.
“You can’t leave, Cas,” he says wretchedly. “I hate you, you can’t leave me.” They both know what Dean’s saying when he says he hates him. One of Cas’ hands comes up to hold Dean at the back of his neck, palm cupped gently around his skull as he clutches him close.
And then, quick like lightning, like getting the rug pulled out from under your feet, quick like the heart monitor going flat: Cas pulls away roughly, creating space between them, holding Dean’s shoulder one last time, body tight with the intent to shove him away.
“Goodbye, Dean,” he says, taking a moment, perhaps indulgently, to bring his unoccupied hand across the void between them to rest lightly on Dean’s cheek, his forehead, his mouth. He’s touching every part of Dean’s face, wiping away his tears in so much as he’s mapping the expanse of him, like he might forget. And all Dean can think is that there’s going to be no more Marry Poppins family movie nights. No more Jack asking for increasingly strange pets and Cas indulging him when Dean refuses. No more singing softly along with Julie Andrews because Mary used to sing those songs to get him to sleep, and sometimes it was the only thing that would get baby Sammy to calm down after a long night on the cold road and it’s still got the only lullabies he can remember – no looking over to see Cas watching him softly, blue and green and purple light from the TV splashed across his face. No more wondering what would happen if he’d reached out to hold Cas’ hand. He should’ve tried. He should’ve held anything Cas would’ve been willing to give him, and even the things he didn’t want to give. He’d hold all of him now, if he could.
“I hate you,” Dean whispers, voice like brittle bone, broken in several places. Cas’ fingers take one last trip to the dip of Dean’s mouth before he pulls his fingers back, tightens the hand holding the shoulder that he’d claimed over a decade ago, holding on tight to the body that’s always been his, even before Dean himself realized it.
With a shuddering smile and a quick shove, Cas has Dean falling against the wall.
The door bangs open.
Black emptiness is starting to ooze in through a rift in reality.
“I hate you,” Dean says, not so much a shout but a sob, “I hate you.” He’s like a broken record, he’s like a sinner in the gallows. This is his Hail Mary. Too bad Cas is fluent in prayer. Too bad he understands what Dean’s really saying. Too bad it isn’t enough to make him stay.
“I know. Dean,” Cas says as the Empty frames him, making him look, for one last time, winged. Ethereal. Something else entirely. “I know. I’m sorry. I love you.” Cas goes on mouthing the words to him, even when he stops being able to talk. There’s empty in his gut and his mouth and his eyes but the shape of him is still smiling. The shape of Cas is still mouthing I love you. And then the blackness surrounds him, consumes him, and Dean tracks the shape of his face until it is nothing but darkness, until nobody is there in the room but himself.
The grief is so thick Dean thinks he’s going to choke on it. He thinks his world is ending. He’s crying again. He thinks maybe he’s the one that died.
So it goes.
#lol i wrote this in my notes app so it's probably chalk full of mistakes. anyway i started crying in calc writing this so uh. here take it#i couldnt help doing the slaughterhouse five ending.... apologies in advance#its the obligatory 15x18 rewrite!#i hope this isnt terribly out of character. lol. sdkfjhsdk#im sorry i havent written fic in like years this might be awful. who knows#destiel#deancas#dean winchester#castiel#destiel fanfic#fanficiton#spn#supernatural#apollo writes#apollo.txt#destiel fanficiton
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who is he pt 4
BESTIES!!!!! it’s been tooooooo long ive just had no motivation 🤪 but today we had parade rehearsal and they didn't really need me so i had time to write this, sorry its been so long!!! i hope everyones doing well and staying safe
part 1 part 2 part 3
“Is link your boyfriend?” Scout asked as his mother cut his waffles.
“No, he isn’t. We’re just friends.”
“Why do we spend so much time with him?” In the following weeks of the zoo excursion, the trio had done countless things with one another.
“Just cause.” Amelia quickly said, starting to get nervous, hoping her son wouldn't ask to elaborate.
“Okay.” Scout shrugged, dropping the subject. Eliciting a sigh of relief from his mother. “Is he coming to my softball game tonight?”
“Yeah, I think he is.”
“Oh.”
“Do you not want him to?”
“Well, he works for baseball players, and they’re all really good; what if he thinks I’m a bad player?”
“Oh babe, he won’t think that at all. I’m sure he’ll be very impressed.” It took a lot of begging for Amelia to allow Scout to play softball, but the more she watched her son played, the prouder she was of him. He was a good player for a kid his age.
_______________________________________
“Mom? What are you doing here?” Link asked as he opened his apartment door.
“I came to visit you since you never come to see us.” His mother brought him into a hug as she walked further in.
“A little notice would’ve been nice.” The man sighed, picking up the mini cooler that was on the counter and his sunglasses.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Maureen realized her son was getting prepared to leave. “Are you going somewhere?”
“Uh, yeah, I am.”
“There’s no baseball game today, though.” Maureen had checked before she came to assure her son would have time to spend with her.
“Yeah, I’m just going out; I’ll be back in maybe two hours? Just entertain yourself, and the guest room should be clean if you want to stay in there.” Link pointed across the hall.
“Okay, thanks.” Maureen sadly smiled, slightly offended at her sons' offish behavior.
________________________________________
“You look like your gonna throw up.” Link chuckled as he sat down next to Amelia handing her a water from the cooler.
“I’m just terrified he’s gonna hit his head in just the wrong space and immediately die.” Amelia quickly ranted as she watched her son step up to the base; this was her usual freak-out routine when her son would be playing.
“He’s gonna be just fine, Mia.” Amelia quickly diverted her attention to the man; he hadn’t used the nickname in 5 years. “Sorry I-“
“Shh.” Amelia shushed him as their son hit the ball and start bolting for the next base, standing up when he fell face-first as he tried to reach the base. “Crap.”
“Hey, it’s okay.” He grabbed her arm, seating her, when he got up and kept running. “He’s okay.”
“Okay.” Amelia shifted awkwardly, putting her hand on her chest to try and control her breathing. “I hate this.”
“Look at how happy he is, though.” Link loved his son, even if the boy didn’t know he was his father. But that fact broke his heart; to the little boy, he was just a friend.
“He’s getting suspicious.”
“Hmm?” Link hummed, shoving some peanuts in his mouth.
“He asked if we were dating; I said no, obviously.” For some reason, this stung the man. “But he’s smart; he’s gonna realize eventually, so maybe we should talk about telling him.”
“And you're okay with this?” Link asked hopefully.
“He’s gonna find out eventually.” Amelia sighed, picking at her nail. “I mean, I don’t really have a choice; I’ve already messed up too much. Depriving both of you of a relationship from each other.”
“I don’t blame you, not anymore.” Link whispered. “You were protecting him, and yourself. I mean, I’m upset I missed so much, but I get it.” Amelia looked at the man and genuinely smiled.
“Thank you.” The woman whispered with tears in her eyes.
_______________________________________
“Mom, did you see that?” Scout cheered as he ran into his mother’s arms. “I made a home run!”
“I know, I’m so so so proud of you.” Amelia laughed as she spun the boy around.
“You did really great, bud.” Link smiled, patting the boy's back.
“Thanks, Link.” Scout smiled brightly.
“I’ll have to take you to a Mariners game sometime.” Link smiled, thinking about bringing his son to a game and introducing him to the players. “If it’s okay with your mom, of course.”
“We can work something out.” Amelia reluctantly smiled.
“Can we get donuts?” Scout asked, jumping on the balls of his feet.
“Sure.” Amelia laughed at her sons' excitement over donuts, reminding her of how her ex-boyfriend used to act.
“Can Link come?” Scout asked.
“If he wants to.” Amelia smiled at the man, who eagerly nodded.
“I’d love to; donuts are my absolute favorite.” Link smiled, knowing that his son loved his favorite snack as much as he did. “You know they have a Gotham Donuts in Seattle now?”
“I didn’t,” Amelia said, taken aback, thinking back to the New York fiasco, and how she was falling in love with the man.
“Let’s go!!!!” Scout said, starting to get impatient, pulling his mother’s arm.
“Alright, alright.”
________________________________________
“They don’t taste exactly like the ones in New York, but they’re still my favorite.” Link said after he shoved a whole donut in his mouth.
“Everything pastry wise is better in New York. Especially, bagels,” Amelia remarked.
“Yeah, my mom won’t let us ever get bagels. Only when we’re in New York.” Scout laughed, making Link smile. The man recalled one morning when he brought home breakfast bagels for the two, and she refused to eat them.
“She’s very dramatic, huh?” Link smirked, making eye contact with the woman.
“Hey! Am not!” Amelia playfully defended.
“You are, though, mommy.” Scout agreed with the man.
“Alright, I guess just a little bit.” Amelia caved, running the boy's hair through his fingers, noticing the boy's eyes start to droop the longer they sat. “You getting tired, bud?”
“Mmmhmm.” The boy nodded, snuggling into his mother’s side.
“Okay, let’s get you to bed.” Amelia helped scout out of the booth. “Thanks so much, Link.”
“Yeah, of course.” He’d been trying to keep his tears at bay as he watched the interaction between the two. “Great job today!”
“Thanks.” Scout waved as the two walked off.
________________________________________
When Link arrived back at his apartment, he found dinner in the microwave, and his mother fast asleep in the spare bedroom. The bedroom that should be Scout’s. He remembered the night the couple crashed at his apartment, and he took her into the room, and they mapped out how the nursery would be set up. The orthopedic surgeon shook the thought of his head and went into his room, quickly finding his bed and falling asleep.
“Link.” His mother’s soft voice jutting him out of sleep.
“What?” Link asked, somewhat shocked to of been woken up, almost forgetting his mother was even there.
“You left your phone in the kitchen, and someone called Meredith keeps calling.” Maureen raised her eyebrow, trying to determine if this was a possible love interest.
Link took the ringing phone from his mother while trying to contain his eye roll. “What’s up?”
“Don’t freak out.” Meredith’s shaky voice rang in his ears.
“What? What happened?” Link sat up abruptly in his bed, his mother perking up at her sons' nervousness.
“There was a car crash.” Before she could continue, he jumped up from his bed and started to get dressed, trying to calm his shakiness. “Scout is fine. Maggie is with him, and he just has a tiny laceration on his forehead, which is being patched up as we speak?”
“And Amelia?” The man's heart dropped at the hesitation, suddenly regretting everything that had not happened between the two, especially not fighting to be in her and her sons' life.
“She was unconscious when they brought her in; Koracick is bringing her up to CT. He’s the best.” Link could sense the woman’s pain with saying that; he knew she’d prefer her late husband. The one who Amelia would talk so fondly of, and aspire to be.
“And the other person?” The man asked, heading to the door, his mom following him and confiscated his keys. He was about to yell at her until he realized how shaky his hands were; it was probably too dangerous to drive himself.
“Tox screen came back; he was definitely intoxicated. He should be fine, though.” Before he knew what he was doing, he abruptly hung up, regretting that he even asked. Once the pair got to the parking lot, everything seemed to be in slow motion. He remembered his mom asking for directions, and standing outside of the hospital, unable to find the strength to walk in.
#amelia shepherd#amelink#atticus lincoln#baby amelink#greys anatomy#greysanatomy#greys fanfic#greys anatomy fanfic#scout lincoln#Maureen Lincoln#maggie pierce#meredith grey#tw car crash
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