#I just… I cannot explain my feelings in any other way than just screaming *ow* over and over lol

[kaz-oooo]

Ok thoughts on Mammalian Sighing Reflex:

OW HOLY MOTHER OF FUCJ OUCH MY HEART MY FEELINFS EVERYTHING HURTS WILBURS STOP I CANNOT HANDLE THESE EMOTIONS OMFGGGG!!!

[ericspinkhair]

guys my age don’t know how to love me good

pairing: dom!juyeon x noona!reader

synopsis: lee juyeon is the only guy who makes sex worth it

word count: 3.1k

warnings: noona kink, mentions of toxic and abusive sex, deep throating, no mentions of protection (wrap it before you tap it), inexperienced/unsure reader

a/n: this is for @rolezeure + anon

requests are open!!

masterlist + requests

'y/n, I swear to god if you won't come to this party with me I will actually never talk to you ever again. you know what this is?' your best friend siyeon dramatically held up a pair of scissors. 'scissors, to cut our friendship.'

'but what am I supposed to even do there?' you scoffed. parties were stupid 'I don't know how to talk to people.'

'you don't need to talk, dumbass. you get drunk, grind on some hot dude and get laid.' siyeon rolled her eyes as she was so done with you.

'as if that is supposed to convince me to go. sex is completely overraded, my dude. it just hurts and the guys don't even care. as long as they get off on you it's fine.' you had not have had any positive experiences with sex. it usually hurt, the guys were rough and didn't really care if you were crying. there wasn't any pleasure you associated with it.

'that's cause you've been with only toxic men. but please, come with me! it's way too awkward to go alone and I need a hype woman. Sangyeon will be there. I cannot miss the opportunity to get with mr. dilf. have you seen him? he is sooo hot, y/n. I might never have another opportunity like this. and I need a lot of alcohol in my system first before I can initiate something,' she whined. she gave you the best puppy eyes she could to make you give in.

you knew your friend had been eyeing sangyeon for weeks. siyeon had tripped the first time she saw him and had to wipe away the drool from her chin. she then memorized his schedule and you would always have to watch him from afar. however, she could not utter a single comprehensible sentence without alcohol if she was nervous but when she was drunk she was the most sociable and flirty person and always got with whom she wanted.

sangyeon was usually never to be found at parties but this particular one was for his friend's birthday so siyeon knew he would show up. who knows if she would ever see him again, after all, he had just graduated from college and would be leaving campus. this was her last opportunity. you sighed.

'fine,' you finally gave in. she squealed and hugged you so tightly that you had trouble breathing.

'omg, I love you so much, y/n! you're a lifesaver. I owe you big big time.'

'you certainly do.'

you tried to convince yourself that maybe a party was just what you needed. finals were finally over and you were on your well deserved break before you started your last year of college.

a week later, the two of you took a cab to the party location. you arrived at a huge mansion that must have cost a huge ton of money. it felt like thousands of people were there, getting drunk and going skinny dipping in the gigantic pool. you recognized some of the people. you didn't really know them but you often saw them walk around on campus.

when you entered the house some dudes whistled at you. ew. you definitely had to get a drink to be able to stand all these gross men lurking around here. at least you had your pepper spray with you. better safe than sorry.

siyeon and you found the bar and immediately downed a couple of shots. the alcohol burned in your throat as you drank one after the other. your friend needed the effects alcohol brings with it quickly.

'have you found him already?' you scream over the music at siyeon.

'no, he's nowhere to be seen… maybe he's not here at all' she was pouting.

I grabbed her by the arm. 'come on. let's go search for him somewhere else. hmm, maybe he's outside?' you dragged her through the mass of people. she was gonna get laid tonight, you were gonna make sure of it.

the backyard was just as crowded but at least you got some fresh air. a lot of people were grinding on each and making out in the pool and hot tub.

'oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. he's there!' siyeon whisper shouted at you.

'where?' you couldn't find him in the crowd.

'over there next to the huge ass plant. he's standing next to jacob.' ah, you saw him. him and jacob were engaged in a deep conversation and occasionally sipped on their drinks.

siyeon just grabbed a drink out of a passing person's hand, ignore the complains and drank it all in one go.

'I need more.' so you went to get more alcohol before you could convince her that now was the time.

'how do I look? is my makeup smudged? do I look enough like 'daddy, I've been a good girl. pls choke me?' she kept on trying to flatten her hair hastily.

'you look absolutely gorgeous, girl. go get him, tiger.' she did look stunning. the red lipstick matched with her bold red dress. it was short and showed a lot of cleavage. her beautiful curves were perfectly highlighted and if sangyeon didn't drool over her then you would seriously have to buy him new eyes.

you high-fived each other and then she went to go on her mission.

you watched how he scanned her up and down, taking in her beauty, when she approached him and then smiled brightly. she touched his muscular arms as he said something that made her laugh. he seemed to be enjoying her company jacob, who had understood what was going on, had joined his other friends kevin and eric on the dance floor inside.

'who are we spying on?' someone whispered in your ear, making you jump and almost spill your drink. rude.

'oh, seeing if my best friend's gonna get laid tonight like she'd hoped to. seems positive so far.' the guy who had come up to you nodded interested. you had no idea who he was but you didn't exactly mind his company. he was a handsome fellow, with a face sculpted by the gods. his dark blue hair made him stand out even more.

'so what are you gonna do if she leaves with him? are you just going to leave?' he asked.

you shrugged your shoulders. 'probably. she's the only reason I came to this god awful party.'

'oh, you don't like it?' he raised his eyebrows.

'no, it's too full, it's too loud and I'm bored. who even is this guy who threw this party. I actually have no idea who he is,' you complained about everything. he seemed to become more amused as you went on.

'then allow me to introduce myself. hey, my name is juyeon.' he held out his hand.

'what does that have to do with- oh my god this is YOUR party!' you realized in shock. your face was burning with embarrassment. but he didn't seem to mind at all and just laughed light heartedly.

'yeah, I'm sorry you don't like it. if you like I could take you somewhere quieter with less people.' oh dude, he was flirting. why? you did look hot as fuck in your short black dress but you had literally just insulted his party.

'I'm sorry I'm not really up for sex or whatever it is you're offering.' you scratched your neck awkwardly. you wouldn't mind if he visited you in your dreams sometimes tho to have a good time.

'that's too bad. I was hoping I could make you feel good.' he brushed a finger over your cheek.

'I doubt you could. no one ever has.' he snorted at that.

'how old even are you?' you asked him.

'19, you don't have to worry. I'm a legal adult. you?' 'almost 21.'

'ooh, that's fun! are you sure you don't want to spend some private time with me, noona?' that was fucking unfair. he was using this noona thing to get you to give in. he knew exactly what he was doing and you could feel yourself getting aroused.

'I just don't think sex is right for me. it just hurts and doesn't do anything to make me feel good,' you explained to him.

'seems like you've only been with douchebags. I have a 100% rate of making women come. you should try and see for yourself, noona.' his lustful gaze stared deep into your soul, making your legs wobbly.

it seemed so tempting. he was super hot and couldn't help but notice the outline of his abs on his shirt. the alcohol was also encouraging you to make some bad decisions and step out of your comfort zone. this man somehow made you super horny with his toned body and god like face, whether you liked it or not. you caught yourself seriously considering going with him.

'here's a proposal. I give you head and if you're not satisfied with my services we can just stop there.' he leaned down and whispered in my ear. 'I would love to hear you scream my name, noona.'

his offer actually didn't sound too bad. juyeon might just be more skilled than the rest of the men you had slept with, who knew. you didn't have anything better to do anyways so you might as well see if he can make you feel good.

'where do we go?' you finally asked after staying silent to keep a suspenseful silence. his eyes lit up and he grabbed your hand. he led you back inside, up the stairs and into the room on the far right.

you could see posters of football player, trophies and pictures. this was obviously his room.

you didn't have much time to look around as he locked the door and kissed you

you were surprised by just how not slimy it was. usually, the guys would always try to wet your whole face and you had to wipe your mouth every other second.

but he started off soft and placed his hands on your hips. you put your arms around his neck to get closer to him and deepen the kiss.

his hands started roaming your body and when he squeezed your ass, you let out a moan. juyeon took this opportunity to slip his tongue inside your open mouth.

the kissing made you dizzy and you desperately tugged at him to get him closer to you. he picked you up and held you up against the wall. you let your hands wander under his shirt and started tracing his abs while grinding your core against him. you could feel his dick harden with your movements.

juyeon carried you to the bed and slowly let you down so you laid on your back. while he quickly took off his shirt you tried to catch your breath after the intense make out. you didn't have long to admire his muscular upper body before he lifted the dress so you were only there in your underwear.

he startes placing open mouth kiss from your collar bones, to your boobs, to your stomach until he reached the hem of your panties. he made sure to keep eye contact as he put the fabric between his teeth and slowly pulled them down like this. you felt cold air hitting your core.

'so pretty, noona,' he admired your clearly dripping pussy. he dragged one finger over your lips to see just how wet you were.

'I haven't even touched you yet but you are already so wet for me. I told you I'd make you feel good. I'll show you just how much, noona.' and with that he dove right in between your lips to prove his point. the feeling of his tongue fucking you was unfamiliar. no guy had ever even cared to get you wet and pleasure you before actually having sex.

Juyeon was desperately devouring your juices as if he hadn't drunk for ages. additionally he started massaging your clit with his thumb, knowing exactly what a woman likes. he had to hold down your hips to keep you stable because you were trying to buck up into his face as it felt so good. every time his nose came into contact with your clit while licking you felt like you were losing control.

involuntary moans were spilling out of your mouth and you could feel juyeon smirking against your core.

suddenly, he slipped a finger inside you and started slowly pumping it in and out of you. it felt a bit uncomfortable at first but you got used to it quite quickly and when he noticed, he slipped a second finger inside. damn, those were some long ass fingers.

your pussy made squelching sounds which you couldn't care less about in the moment as he rapidly fucked you with his long digits. you were pulling at his hair as he took your bud between his teeth, alternating between softly biting and sucking on it.

you suddenly couldn't take it anymore and your orgasm washed over your body like a wave and juyeon slowly continued until you had fully come down from your high.

he sat up straight again. 'I promised I could make you feel good, didn't I? god, you look so hot when you come, noona.' fuck, where did he learn to do all this? maybe he was right after all.

you noticed that his nose was coated in your juices but he didn't seem to care at all. 'do you want to continue?'

'only if you can make me come again,' you challenged him.

he scoffed. 'that's not even a question, noona.'

he quickly unbuckled his belt and pulled down his pants. the shape of his bulge was clearly visible through his underwear. you reached inside and whipped out his already hard dick. you gulped.

'it's so big,' you whispered afraid. he was bigger than the other guys you had slept with and if they had already hurt you then his cock would probably hurt even worse.

he stroked your hair out of your face. 'don't worry. I've already prepared well so you should be able to take it without a problem. I'll make sure to go slow to not hurt you, okay?' you needed to trust him. it seemed like he actually knew what he was doing.

you gave his dick a couple of strokes to see how he reacted before you wrapped your lips around his leaking tip. seeing juyeon throw his head back gave you the encouragement you desperately needed to go forward.

you took him all the way until you started gagging. this was something you were good at. you started deep throating him and he moaned out your name.

'fuck, noona. you are so good with my cock.' he brushed your hair to the side so you it wouldn't be in the way when you sucked him off.

you noticed that he tried to control himself but couldn't refrain himself from bucking up his hips a few times, making you gag.

he then stopped you. 'I can't come yet. I need to show you how proper sex is done first.'

you laid down on your back and he positioned himself between your legs. he pressed your arms down next to your head and intertwined his fingers with yours.

'are you ready?' you gave him a nod.

'just squeeze my hand if it hurts.'

he slowly pushed his tip inside. you shut your eyes tightly and juyeon stopped to give you time.

'no, no. go all the way in first,' you whined.

his dick filled your walls up to the brim. you tried to calm down your heavy breathing. you squeezed his hands in pain and he held still. juyeon placed a kiss on your mouth.

'you're doing so well, noona.', he praised you. 'just tell me when you feel ready to go.'

it did hurt but not quite as much as the other times. and no one had ever waited for you to actually adjust before beginning to pound into you.

juyeon distracted you with kisses and as you started getting more comfortable you slowly started moving your hips against him. you gave him a slight nod to tell him he could continue.

he still started off with a moderate tempo and you needed more.

'faster!' you urged him and he picked up the pace. the way he snapped his hips made you see stars.

the pain was now completely gone and you were lost in your own pleasure.

when he started  thrusting into you from behind, he hit spots inside you you had never felt before. the new position allowed him to go even deeper and faster than before.

you moaned surprised as he spanked you.

'you like this, noona?' you could only groan out his name to show him how you felt.

the knot in your stomach became tighter and tighter.

'I think I'm coming!' you manage to get out.

'come for me, noona!' with that he went into overdrive and fucked into you like a machine.

your arms gave in as your walls clenched around his huge cock tightly and you came hard while screaming his name.

he rode out your orgasm and then pulled out. he stroke his dick fast and shot his big load on your butt and back.

he lay down next to you exhausted. his fingers wiped away the tears of pleasure you didn't know you had cried.

'did I make you feel good, noona?' 'more than just good,' you admitted satisfied.

'I guess guys my age just don't know how to treat me.' he hummed in agreement.

'that makes no sense. you are absolutely gorgeous. they missed out on the opportunity to see your beautiful face when you come.' this was weird. he was still nice to you even after he already came. what was this?

'thank you for making my birthday wish come true,' he said. 'huh, what do you mean?' you questioned him.

'actually, I've noticed you on campus before but I was always too shy to talk to you.' 'oh really?' you laughed sceptically.

'yeah, I wanted to ask you on a date first but it seems like we skipped a couple of steps.' he was blushing. gosh, he was kind of adorable.

'I mean we could still go on those dates if you'd like, birthday boy.' strangely enough you felt like you could trust him and kind of wanted to get to know juyeon as a person.

'awesome,' he smiled at you before he pecked your lips and went to clean you both up.

you had completely forgotten about siyeon. hopefully, her night had been just as satisfying as yours had been.

[spencestyles]

The Other Woman

summary: spencer and meave have a toxic relationship after saving diane and the new agent doesn’t help

pairing: meave x spencer, spencer x BAU!reader

warnings: angst (lowkey), cursing, broken relationship, fluff

words: 4k+

~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since the team and I stopped Diane from killing Maeve, things were different. When I dreamed about meeting Maeve, I thought things would be perfect, we would be a match made in heaven. But after finding out important things she felt to leave out (like she was engaged), the spark was seeming to fade and just genuinely getting to know her personality. Of course our new agent wasn't any help either.

y/n y/l/n

She was different from any other girl I had met. She was smart and a great listener, she was determined to keep learning. She didn't try to outsmart me like Maeve had begun to do. Her biggest talent and asset to the team was her interrogation skills.

"Brian, I know how you are feeling," y/n said to the unsub. "You are upset your dad left you and upset that he left you with your mother."

"She was never a mother," Brian screamed. "That dirty whore didn't know her left from her right."

"The girls?" y/n asked. "Did they know their right from their left?"

"I wouldn't know, I didn't do anything to them," Brian said.

"Well I do, I looked into their background, all single mothers, husband left. They weren't dirty Brian, they were doin-"

"YES THEY WERE. They are all whores. I tried to help them, to help their children. But they were just like she was, a whore."

Since the first day she arrived, I've been enthralled by her presence. Maeve asked to move in around a month ago, I said no. She was so upset it was almost pitiful. It had been an argument that continued for weeks and was heated tonight at our at home dinner date. "Why, Spencer, why can't I move in with you?" She yelled at me.

"Because I barely know you," I yelled back, quickly calming down. "We may have been talking on the phone, but we have known each other in person for five months. I just, Meave, I'm going through a rough time at work. It wouldn't be good for you to move in right now." I made a large breath as Maeve roughly stood up from the table.

"Is there someone else?" Maeve asked. "That new agent, (wrong name), or whatever-"

"y/n"

"Like I said, whatever. Are you talking to her, is there something going on?"

"Maeve, there is nothing going on between y/n and I," I explained. "She is a new agent, she is young, she is like I was when I joined the BAU. I am just trying to help her get settled."

"Why can't JJ do that? She was young when she joined."

"Because JJ was the communications liaison then, she didn't become a profiler until two years ago."

"Whatever," Maeve said, grabbing her purse. "I'm leaving, I need to think."

Thank God

"Ok, we need to talk about this," I said. Maeve muttered something before slamming the door.

Moments like this made me question the relationship I created with Maeve. Maybe it's because I never really knew her. I knew her job and that she was smart, but I didn't know how clingy she was or bitchy and competitive. I don't blame Diane for being so upset. Why was she so upset about y/n, I mean y/n is gorgeous and smart. But she is so young, she's only 24. Tomorrow was going to be a good day, tomorrow I was finally going to make some decisions about Maeve.

Waking up the next morning felt like a chore. The sound of my phone going off was much worse than my alarm clock.

"Reid."

"Spencie, it's y/n," the angelic voice I was longing to hear was music to my ears at 3 in the morning. "We have a case, JJ called me and told me to call you. Which thinking about it is a little strange- wait that's not the point of this call. I need you to pick me up."

"Yeah I can come get you," I said rushing around. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Thanks Spencie, I owe you big time."

Running around my room, I tried to pick my best outfit. y/n loved when I dressed in blue or purple, so I decided I would dress in blue this fine morning. My light blue button down and my tight navy pants, made me look a sexy professional as I would say, so would Derek (and hopefully y/n). I hated driving, but I would never tell y/n that, she is too cute when singing in the car for me to say no to her.

On my way to her apartment (which was very small and in a terrible area), I began to think about what y/n said on the call. JJ called me and told me to call you. Why wouldn't JJ just call me. I mean I do tell JJ about my problems with Maeve and my schoolboy crush on y/n, but she was so upset when I first said it.

"Maeve is literally your dream girl Spence, why are you trying to stop that? And for y/n, now I know she is smart and wow, she is hot, but Spence, she is 24. She still has a lot of growing up to do. Also, I didn't work my ass off to save Maeve for you to end things with her."

JJ was right, y/n was too young and too naive to know what she wanted. Hell, I didn't even know what I wanted. I fell for a girl over the phone and then realized she's not at all what I thought. I should have known.

Arriving at y/n's apartment building I texted her a quick 'here' before noticing her car tire had been slashed. The passenger door opened and y/n sat down handing me a large coffee in her typical reusable to-go cups. "y/n you didn't have to bring me coffee," I said.

"Spence, it's three in the morning and you are driving," you said with a straight face. "I brought you the coffee so you wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel and we would die." I laughed before taking a big swig of the drink and heading to the office.

"I saw your tire had been slashed, what happened?"

"I don't know, JJ called me so I went out to get my go-bag from the car because I left my good mug in it and I saw the tire was slashed. I have no idea how it happened or why, it's really annoying though, I just got new tires." The situation with y/n's tire was strange, I mean she lives in a complex where nearly twenty cars are out front if they aren't in the back lot. Why only her car? Maybe it was nothing special, just a coincidence.

y/n heard my phone ring and looked at the screen, "It's Maeve," showing me the screen. "Why is your girlfriend calling you at 3:30 in the morning?"

"I have no clue y/n, leave it to ring out. I'll get to her later."

This has happened before. When I drop y/n off from a case that ran late or after a night with the team. I get calls and texts from Maeve enraged. Does she honestly not understand we work together. We live less than six minutes from each other, so when we ride together it's not like either of us are going out of our way.

After spending most of the car ride singing to Taylor Swift, we arrived at Quantico and rushed to the elevators. We weren't late, but y/n liked to be early so she didn't look sweaty for the team.

"Why do you hate looking sweaty?" I asked her.

"Well, when our Unit Chief is a TOTAL dilf, I'd like to at least look nice," she said smiling. I frowned. "Kidding Spence, not totally, but I like to look nice because I am still proving my spot on this team and good hygiene is very respectable."

Of course she has a crush on Hotch, not that she has daddy issues or anything. But they are so close and the validation he gives her is a bit too much to be work appropriate. I'm honestly just so glad its not Derek she has a crush on.

"That makes sense, I'm going to call Maeve to she what she needed," I said stepping towards the conference room. "She's been calling me non stop." y/n nodded as she rubbed paper towels on her armpits.

Right as I was about to dial Maeve, her name flashed across my screen, "Hello."

"Spencer, what the hell," she screamed. "Why were you at y/n's at three in the morning."

"Maeve, tell me where I am right now," I said.

"You are at work Spencer," She answered. "But that is besides the point. Why did YOU pick her up?"

"BECAUSE WE WERE GOING TO WORK AND SHE LIVES SIX MINUTES FROM ME," I yelled, tired of her assumptions and bitchy, clingy behavior. "JJ called y/n and told her to tell me we had a case and her car's tire was slashed so she asked for a ride. There is no harm in that."

Maeve let out a large breath, "I don't want you around her anymore."

"What, I can't do that, we work together," I laughed.

"Quit," she said shortly. "Or tell Hotch that she is terrible to work with and isn't qualified for the team."

"Maeve, you are angry. I'm not quitting and y/n is very qualified at her job, Hotch wouldn't believe me."

"Then why do you help her if she's qualified?"

"I told you that last night, this conversation is over." I hung up the phone hearing her protests. I looked over and saw the team looking at me, they obviously had heard the interaction. y/n looked confused. Why was she being brought into this?

The team walked into the conference room, "Garcia, you can begin," Hotch said. Turning to me he said, "We will talk about this before we leave." I nodded. I didn't listen to Garcia presenting the case, but I looked at y/n. She looked like she had been crying, I don't know why, hopefully it wasn't me. After the presentation, Hotch gave us thirty minutes to gather ourselves before we needed to be on the jet.

He pulled me into his office, "What was that in the conference room?"

"Maeve thinks I'm cheating on her with y/n," I said. "It's not a big deal."

Hotch looked at me sternly, "Well it becomes a big deal when our newest agent tells me she should transfer because she doesn't like that she's interfering with your relationship. Now y/n cannot be transferred, she is an asset to this team and the team loves her. You need to sort your shit out with Maeve." I nodded and walked out the door over to y/n's desk where she was getting her small things together.

As soon as she saw me walking over, she began to walk away, "y/n wait."

"I'm going to see Penelope," She said, not looking at me. Even without looking directly at me, the tear stains were evident.

I looked over at JJ who had seen the whole interaction, "JJ what do I do?"

"Well Spencer, you need to either break up with Maeve or get over your crush on y/n," She said sarcastically. "In my opinion, you should break up with Maeve anyway. After hearing that phone call, I think she sounded toxic and manipulative. Give y/n some space, she just got a lot thrown at her. She thinks she's a homewrecker."

I sighed, "I know I need to end things with Maeve, but I feel so horrible."

"You feel horrible even though she treats you like that?" JJ asked, shocked.

"I just don't want her to think I led her on or I actually was cheating on her with y/n."

"You may not be cheating on her with y/n, but Spence," I looked up at her. "You like y/n, you can't deny that. y/n still is the other woman, whether its intimate or not."

JJ was right, I was about to walk up to Penelope's office when Derek reminded us we had to leave. Looking ahead, I saw y/n talking with Hotch. She looked upset and Hotch looked concerned, but when he looked over at me, he was pissed.

As we made it to the entrance of the jet, I told JJ and Derek I would meet them on the jet, wanting to talk to Hotch, "Hey, what did y/n say to you?"

"She told me this was her last case," Hotch said. "She gave Strauss resignation forms and is going to be an elementary art teacher. Now she isn't even transferring. Fix this now or you will be suspended from cases and you will be staying back and doing paperwork until I see fit. You and your relationship problems should not have led to y/n leaving the team."

To say I was shocked was an understatement. y/n was leaving the team. She was leaving because of me. Because I was so enchanted by her smile and the slight gleam in her eye.

Worst of all, she isn't even staying in the FBI. She is going to do the job she said she always wanted to do after the FBI. y/n always told me she wanted to stay in the FBI and then when it got to be too much, she wanted to teach art.

You may say I'm a terrible person for basically emotionally cheating on Maeve, but Maeve and I would never work in the long run. She may have been my back then, but she will never be my forever.

Walking onto the jet, I felt the hostile stares of my teammates. y/n sat at the corner of the jet, alone, reading her favorite book, Little Women. While the book is very boring in my opinion, I understand the appeal to y/n. A strong female lead who doesn't believe in the common standards in her time period. Much like Jo March, y/n was strong willed. She always put up a challenge to the ideas she opposed.

I unfortunately, was Theodore Lawrence in this situation. In love with Jo March, but I needed to show it to her. The only and strongest difference was that I am in a relationship.

I need to end it with Maeve.

That however, will be easier said than done. Maeve is much like Amy March: annoying, greedy, easily angered, jealous, and most of all the one that is settled for.

But no, I, Spencer Reid, will not settle for Amy, I am going to get Jo.

I was walking over to y/n when I was stopped by Rossi, "Don't make it any worse than it already is, kid." Appalled, I looked at him and then the team. Their faces all said the same thing only Rossi was able to make into words. I decided to sit not near them and not near y/n. I sat by myself and created a plan to keep y/n at the BAU.

The plan went as so:

1. Convince y/n to stay and explain relationship problems with Maeve

2. Break up with Maeve

3. Tell y/n what truly happened with Maeve (phone calls, kidnapping, and after)

4. Tell y/n feelings (and pray she feels the same)

This plan was definitely going to be easier said than done. The hardest part being breaking up with Maeve.

The case wasn't eventful and easy to figure out. The unsub was killing people who looked like his wife that left him at the altar. Not once did Hotch put me with y/n, understandably. Instead, y/n spent her time with JJ and Hotch.

I decided to not talk to anyone because I needed to devise my plan. I needed to break up with Maeve, but make sure I kept y/n out of it. That was going to be the challenge, Maeve was going to blame the break up on y/n. I decided to text Maeve a quick 'jet is landing. I'm coming over. We have things to discuss.'

I turned off my phone, knowing Maeve would start blowing it up. The jet landed and I went to begin step one, but Derek stopped me from going towards her further, "Pretty Boy, I know you want things to get right with Pretty Girl, but give her space. Just a little and sort things out with Maeve. After hearing what JJ and y/n have said about her, you should end things.

I nodded and sprinted to my car, seeing as y/n got a ride with Penelope. The ride over to Maeve's house was tense, even though I was alone. I couldn't stop thinking of the outcomes that could occur tonight.

Making it to Maeve's apartment, I kept reciting all the things I could say to her.

"I don't feel a spark anymore." Decent.

"You are a controlling bitch." Too harsh.

"I never really knew you." Getting there.

"I think we need to try new things." Fuck. I had made it to the door and I didn't know what to say without the possibility of hurting her. Breaking up with her is the only thing I can do to save my friendship with y/n. Its also the only thing I can do to save myself from this toxic mess of a relationship.

I knocked on the door and it was immediately opened by a very angry Maeve, "Spencer, finally you are here. You were taking so long I thought something may have happened, were you with y/n?"

"No Maeve, I wasn't with y/n," I sighed. "In fact we aren't even talking."

"Well that's perfect," Maeve said. "Why do you look upset about that?"

I looked at her surprised she didn't understand, "Because Maeve, she heard our fucking fight yesterday morning over the phone. She isn't talking to me because she thinks she ruined our relationship-"

"She did-"

"NO SHE DIDN'T MEAVE!" I screamed. "y/n is leaving the team because you are jealous of anyone in my life. First it was JJ, so I pushed JJ away. Then Derek, so I pushed Derek away. You have ruined all of my friendships with my coworkers and are now making work a living hell. y/n didn't ruin our relationship because it was already fucking ruined Maeve. How did you not see it?”

"What? Spence?" Maeve went to touch my arm.

I stepped away, "No Maeve, this is over. We are over. After we stopped Diane, I thought we would be perfect. But we aren't, we aren't good for each other at all. Whenever I accomplish anything at all, big or small, you fucking disregard it and talk about something you did. I am helping y/n, I like y/n. y/n is nice and she listens to my facts and she doesn't judge me for having feelings."

"Spencer, do you think I do that?" Maeve asked with a fake sweet act.

"Think? No Maeve, you do all of those things. Yesterday you told me to quit my job or tell Hotch y/n wasn't qualified. You should be supporting me. This relationship is not good for me. I am leaving, none of your stuff is at my place so you don't need to come over ever again." I quickly left the apartment, ignoring Maeve's pleas for forgiveness.

Sitting in my car, I quickly drove off to y/n's house. I needed to see her, to explain to her what had been happening.

YOUR POV

When I met Spencer, he was my mentor. Very quickly after that however, he became my best friend on the team. Since we lived so close together, it was common for us to carpool to and from work and work events.

I quickly learned about Maeve once I began to get closer with Spencer. Spencer's manipulative, psycho bitch of a girlfriend that was out to ruin my life. I had never done anything to try and involve myself in their relationship, but when they have problems it's always my fault.

After hearing Maeve and Spencer's phone call, it was a no brainer for me to leave the team. However, I knew that wasn't enough for me to get rid of the taunts I had been receiving from Maeve. And by taunts I mean she slashed my tire. I was offered a job at one of DC's most prestigious private schools to teach art and after the phone call, I decided to take it.

Now, I wasn't upset that Spencer didn't like me back. I was upset that Maeve was making him decide between us when nothing had ever happened. I thought Spencer was cute, definitely, and there were times when we were a little too touchy or flirtatious. But, I saw it as Penelope and Derek and I'm sure he did too.

I sat in Penelope's car trying to focus on the road whilst she was screaming at me, "WHY ARE YOU LEAVING? You can't leave y/n. You just got here and we like you here. Maeve and Spencer have had problems for a few months, it's not because of you. JJ and Maeve also got in a fight because he thought Spencer was too handsy with her and I've barely ever seen them touch.”

"Pen, I'm leaving because I have a great job opportunity," I tried to reason. "I was eventually going to take it, but I don't want to hurt Spencer's relationship." Penelope sighed, giving up her attempt to have me stay. We got our Wendy's before Penelope went to drop me off.

As Penelope drove up to my apartment, I noticed a figure standing in front of my house. It looked familiar.

Spencer

"Pen, so you think I can stay over tonight?" I asked.

"No, go talk to pretty boy, have him explain," Penelope responded.

I walked up to my apartment, Spencer looked at me. His face lighting up under my front porch light. He had flowers in his hands. Daisies. "Spencer, what are you doing here?"

SPENCER'S POV

"Spencer, what are you doing here?"

"If you'd let me in I think you need to know what has been happening," I said handing her the flowers.

"Okay, come in," She said grabbing the flowers and unlocking the door. "That you for the flowers."

"Daisies are your favorite," I said quietly. "You never told me, but you always said you liked the name Daisy for your daughter and I just assumed."

"You guessed correctly Spencer," y/n said putting the daisies in a jar.

I sat on her couch, the one I had sat on to watch countless episodes of Dr. Who when I needed to get away from Maeve.

"Can I explain?" I asked as she walked over with a coffee.

"Sure Spencer, but I don't think any explanation will make me stay," she answered.

I sighed, "Well you know the whole Maeve back story right?" she nodded. "Well after we saved her things were great. I was happy, so happy and so in love. But around the time I started to die down from the holy shit you just almost died phase, I began to notice all the flaws and toxic traits in her and our relationship."

y/n nodded, "And you couldn't see any of that before because you only ever talked over the phone?"

"Correct. Maeve, she is very smart. So smart that she often would say things to undermine the fact I went into the FBI and as she would say instead of something useful. At first I thought it was a harmless joke, but when she began to say things like that in front of the team, it crossed a line. When I confronted her, she accused me of lying, saying she never said anything like that. She has always been decently jealous, she was jealous of JJ and even jealous of Alex Blake. Blake's spot is the one you filled, she was like a mom to me. Now, she is jealous of you.”

y/n looked motionless, "Why is she jealous of me Spencer?"

I looked over at her nervously, "y/n we are very close right?"

"Yes, Spencer, you're like my best friend."

I nodded, "yes and Maeve didn't like that. She was very jealous of you because at one team dinner before you joined, Garcia showed us a picture of you from Instagram. When everyone saw the picture, everyone was like wow she is so pretty and you know, you are very gorgeous and I'm a bad liar so I agreed. Maeve and I got into a huge fight because of that. Ever since, she is like really jealous and then we sorta became a mentor, mentee relationship because you are so young and I was so young when I joined.”

y/n looked surprised. Did she not know the team thought that about her. However, y/n nodded, telling me to continue.

"Then I realized how close we lived and we started to carpool and hang out. This was when the aggressive texts and phone calls began. The team knew I needed to break up with her, but I didn't want to make it look like we were seeing each other, you would never like someone like me.”

y/n laughed, "She was jealous because we carpooled? Did you know she was the one that slashed my tire that morning, I got a clip of it on my Ring doorbell."

"Seriously? Sounds about right. Anyway, I broke up with her. She isn't what I want y/n. I want to be with you. And I know you might not like me and-"

y/n cut me off with a laugh, "Spencer are you serious?" I looked at her confused. "I have had a crush on you since I first met the team. I was heartbroken when I found out you had a girlfriend."

"Actually?"

"Spence, why would I lie to you?"

"Will you come back to the BAU?"

"I'll talk to Strauss, but I think if we want to do anything we should wait. I don't want people to actually think we were having an affair."

I laughed, "Definitely not. You were the other woman though. Kept me up all night thinking, dreaming. You infatuate me y/n y/l/n."

"Well I am very glad we got that done with," y/n said. "Watching you with Maeve was like watching the end of Derrick and Addison's relationship on Grey's Anatomy."

"What?"

"Never mind Spence, we will have to save this topic for another day."

—————

in light of the recent allegations against mgg, i will no longer be posting mgg content. however, mgg is not spencer reid, spencer reid is a character. please understand that at this moment i am working on a new username

* IF ANYONE HAS NEW USERNAME IDEAS PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME or i may just be changing to spencerscumslut

[justhockeythings-blog1]

With You

A/N: So Two in one week huh? I wrote this a lot faster than I thought I would! Also I decided to make my own collage to go with this one! I really really like this one, so I hope you guys do! Feedback is always appreciated!

Request: “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” with Andrei Svechnikov

This was not the end to the season that anyone wanted. You felt your shoulders drop, along with your stomach. Your heart on the other hand had shattered into a million pieces, seeing Andrei’s heartbroken and frustrated face blasted across the television. You sat alone, in your shared apartment, wearing the same Svechnikov jersey that he had cheesily gifted you on your first birthday together. You made it a tradition to wear it every game you watched at home, making sure to send Andrei a picture. It had become as much a part of his pre-game ritual as having Martinook scream in his face. You hadn’t expected this game to be the last time you got to engage in your self made ritual,

You could feel the tears brimming your eyes, if not from the fact that you had so much hope for the boys to move on, for the sad faces of all your friends and your boyfriend as they shook hands with Tampa Bay. You waited until the very last second where the Canes players could no longer be seen before you shut off your TV, sitting in silence. You didn’t bother holding the tears in as you let a few slip, this was your time to be sad about it because the second that Andrei called you, you had to pull it together. You needed to be strong for him.

You knew your boyfriend well, you had seen him at the highs of the wins and the lows of the losses. He was going to take this personal, he had been battling himself all year. Saying how he hadn’t been having a good season, how he needed to improve, staying late after games to put in the extra time. You constantly had to remind him to take time for himself, to not be so hard on himself. There were countless times that you would have to force him to relax, letting his body rest, knowing that he would return to a hard training regime at the next practice. This wasn’t just any old loss though, this was a Stanley Cup elimination game loss. You were going to have to pull out all the stops to make this one feel better and you had a limited amount of time. You assumed that Andrei would be going back home at some point in the off season, neither of you had really talked about it recently. Then again, neither of you had planned on a playoff elimination.

You wiped the last few tears off your cheeks and stood up, collecting the snacks you had laid out, setting them in the kitchen before you went to change. After you came back out, you decided you needed to do something to pass the time until Andrei called, and you began busying yourself with cleaning. It was a habit that you had when you were nervous, you picked something to do and you fixated on it, usually until Andrei stepped in to stop you. It would be no different tonight, the shrill ring of your phone pulling you out of your trance. You glanced around you, seeing the kitchen of the apartment spotless before you rushed to the living room to snatch your phone off the coffee table where you left it.

“Hey.” You breathed out, hearing a slight chuckle from the other end.

“Were you running?” He asked, knowing that it was far too late for that. You, on the other hand, knew that he was avoiding the inevitable but you could hear the sadness in his voice.

“From the kitchen, didn’t want to miss your call.” You explained, brushing a strand of hair out of your face. This was the first sign that he wasn’t going to let on how upset he was in the moment, he had called you rather than facetime you. “How are you doing?”

You knew it was a stupid question but you had to ask. If you didn’t make the first move then odds were he wouldn’t bring it up and judging by the sigh that came from the other end, he was hoping that you wouldn’t.

“You gotta talk about it Andrei…” You encouraged gently, settling back on the couch and tugging a blanket over your legs. “Before you get on the plane.”

“It’s hard.” He began and you hummed, another gentle encouragement that you were listening. “We really thought we could do it. You know? We had them, we outplayed them every game and it wasn’t enough.”

The frustration was clear in his voice. You had seen the statistics and on paper, the Canes had come out on top, but unfortunately that didn’t translate to the ice.

“I wanted us to go all the way, these guys are my family and nobody deserves the cup more than them, and I couldn’t get them there.” You could hear the defeat in his voice and it was like someone took your heart and threw it on the ground.

“Andrei… You cannot put that pressure on yourself. Hockey is a team sport, you all left it all out there on the ice. You did you best and the weight of this loss does not fall entirely on your shoulders. Please.” You practically pleaded with him before you heard voices in the background.

“I have to go.. We are getting ready to board, I love you. I’ll be home late so don’t stay up okay?”

He hung up after you returned his goodbyes, leaving you once again sitting in the silence of your apartment. This time though, the exhaustion of everything set in and you pulled yourself to go to bed. You left a light on in the hallway so that Andrei didn’t have to stumble around in the darkness, slipping into your bed and quickly falling asleep.

~

When Andrei got home, well past three AM, he knew that the house would be quiet but it didn’t make it any less suffocating. It felt like silence was the only thing he had heard since the boys departed the locker room, each one caught up in their own heads. A few of the older guys, who had spent a good number of years in the league, did their best to offer some kind of comfort to the younger men on the team but it was clear that in the moment it was half hearted. Everyone had wanted to beat Tampa, everyone had wanted to make it to the end and hoist that cup. It was their year and they had done everything right only to lose to a team who had a goalie like a brick wall.

He set his bag down by the couch quietly, having mastered the technique of coming home quietly after waking you up one too many times. He carefully made his way down the hallway to the bedroom, smiling a little to himself as he saw you curled up in bed, tucked into one of his shirts. The season may not have ended the way he wanted but at least he still had you to come home to.

Slipping into the bed, he was careful not to wake you as he wrapped one arm around you and quickly fell asleep himself, his mind shutting off for the first time since this morning.

~

When you woke up the next morning it was to the weight of an arm carefully laying across your waist and the sound of gentle breathing beside you. A setting you were very familiar with, but today you couldn’t enjoy it. You had a plan that you needed to get started on before Andrei woke up, which is why you were secretly praying that the late return home would play in your favor.

You glanced back at him, smiling at the peaceful look on his face before you skillfully wiggled your way out of his grasp, pausing on the edge of your bed to make sure he remained asleep. After a few minutes you stood up and grabbed his bag, sneaking out of your room.

First things first was to get his laundry started so you made a beeline to the washer and dryer you guys had, setting the bag down and carefully emptying the clothes, checking all of his pockets to make sure they were empty. There had been a mishap one time of airpods in the washer and you both had quickly learned your lesson.

You felt a small box tucked into one of his pockets, pulling it out and setting it into a small basket with other things you found. You didn’t pay any mind to it as you started the washer, carrying the basket and setting it on the dining room table where he could collect it when he woke up.

Part two of your plan involved slight rearrangement of your living room, a number of blankets and pillows, and a fully charged laptop. After nearly twenty minutes, including a quick peak into the bedroom to make sure that he was indeed still sleeping, you had a blanket fort all made up and ready. Which was the easiest part of the plan, the real trick would be getting Andrei into it.

You moved back to the kitchen, pulling out all of the things you needed to make a real breakfast. Not the coffee and yogurt that you scarfed down on work days. You started the coffee pot, humming to yourself as you carefully dialed Evgeny’s number. It was times like these you were thankful that Andrei had introduced you to his brother and you two had a good standing relationship. You cut Evgeny’s greeting off gently, explaining that you didn’t have much time before Andrei woke up but you needed to know how to make his favorite breakfast.

At some point during your phone call with Evgeny, who thankfully walked you step by step through a homemade breakfast that he and Andrei had grown up on, Andrei made an appearance from the bedroom. He stood back and watched as you worked, hearing his brother’s voice over the speaker.

He smiled to himself, it was no secret to anyone that Evgeny was an important person in his life. When he had first introduced the two of you, he had been a little nervous that Evgeny and you wouldn’t get along. Which would have left him in a very awkward predicament. Seeing you in the kitchen though, clearly taking instructions from his brother over the phone, stirred something inside of him. Whatever he was feeling though quickly screeched to a halt, a small jolt of panic ran through him as he saw the small box on the table, quickly grabbing it and stuffing it into the pocket of his shorts just as you turned around.

“Oh hey! Evgeny, he’s up, I gotta go. Thank you so so so much for all your help! I owe you one!” You hung up with his brother and smiled sheepishly, holding up the plate with your finished work. “Surprise?”

You clearly hadn’t seen the glimpse of panic that crossed his face, quickly replaced by a smile and a look of awe when it registered in his mind what was on the plate. Sure you cooked often, but it now made sense to him why you had called his brother.

“If it’s bad you can blame your brother, but I just… I wanted to do something nice for you, especially since I didn’t stay up for you last night.” You explained, pulling him over to sit at the dining room table and setting the plate down in front of him.

Andrei was speechless, which you had learned was a hard feat to accomplish, as he watched you fill two mugs of coffee, making it the way both of you liked it before coming to sit down beside him. You hadn’t brought up the game yet and he wasn’t sure if you would but in the moment he didn’t care, he couldn’t stop staring at you.

“So is this really all it’s cracked up to be?” You asked, watching as he took the first bite. You had spent twenty minutes listening to his brother rave about it.

“Yes, I mean maybe not to other people but Evgeny and I ate it every weekend growing up. Is this why you called him?” He asked as he ate, reminiscing with every bite. His heart growing with love for you when you nodded behind your coffee mug sheepishly.

“I didn’t know how to make it but I remembered you mentioning it. I figured waking your brother up and dealing with his wrath would be worth it.” You teased, Evgeny had never been anything but nice to you and he probably appreciated this gesture as much as Andrei did.

“Also, I hope you didn’t have plans for the day or at least part of it. I wasn’t sure if you had to do something for the team or not.” You trailed off as he finished eating, grabbing the plate from him when he was done and carried it to the sink.

“I uh, I’m not sure. I think they’ll text me if I need to be there but I don’t think I need to today. Why?” He asked, though you didn’t answer him. You just grabbed his hand and pulled him to the living room, smiling as you looked at him.

He froze, seeing the elaborate blanket fort laid out in the living room, snacks and water already inside of it with your laptop. Part of him wondered if you had done thing last night and he had missed it in his tired state or if you had managed to do all of this, on top of breakfast, this morning. Before he could ask though you were tugging him to crawl into it, forcing him to drop to his knees to follow after you.

“What is all of this?” He asked after you settled in the pillow fort, laying on your back as you smiled up at him.

“This is me forcing you to relax and take a minute to yourself. I know last night did not go how you wanted, how any of you wanted, and maybe there’s nothing I can say right now that will make the thoughts in your head go away. Which I hate by the way, you’re way too hard on yourself but I just wanted you to take a day and not think about the game or about hockey or about what you could have done differently. I just, I know it’s not a lot but-”

Your rambling was cut off, as it so often was, by a quick kiss to your lips. You felt your shoulders drop as his hands cupped your cheeks, melting a little into the kiss before he pulled away and rested his forehead on yours.

“Thank you.”

It was a simple two words, but it was enough. It meant that he was accepting this, your plan to relax and just spend time together. Maybe it worked and maybe it didn’t, but all that mattered was he was willing to give it a chance.

~

The two of you spent most of the day in the fort watching movies, leaving only if you needed to use the bathroom or you needed more snacks. At some point the sun was beginning to sit lower in the sky and you both knew you would need to leave to make dinner, especially considering lunch had been nothing but snacks yet neither of you wanted to make that move.

You rolled onto your side, tucking your body even closer to his when you felt a bump against your thigh.

“That better just be your phone.” You teased and he looked at you confused before he realized that the small box that he had gotten well before the roadtrip was now pressed up against you. He sat up quickly, reaching into his pocket to pull it out, though you still couldn’t see it.

“Hey, I was just teasing.” You pouted, reaching for him as he chuckled and shifted to look at you. It was then you caught a glimpse of a familiar sized box and you found yourself sitting quickly to look at him.

“Andrei…” You began softly, it wasn’t that you didn’t want to marry him but you two were both fairly young and had never discussed the prospect of marriage before.

“No! No, I mean. It’s not what you’re thinking, not yet.” He rushed to explain, his accent forcing the words to run together. It was something you had picked up, whenever he was angry or excited, his accent made it hard to differentiate what he was saying.

Instead of continuing his explanation, he opened the box to show you the very thin band, with three tiny diamonds in it. You could feel the breath leave your throat as you stared at it. It was beautiful, there was no doubt in your mind about that and it was your style. Simple, understated, something that you could wear with anything and it would never look out of place.

“So if not… that, then what is this?” You asked confused, looking up at him again with nervous eyes.

“It’s a promise and you don’t have to think of it as anything more than that. No other strings okay? I just. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know we haven’t talked about it before, but I wanted to make you the promise that one day, it’ll be a different ring and I had hoped to do it after a winning game, but this… I think this is much better.” He explained quietly, keeping his eyes on the ring, watching as you carefully pulled it out of the box.

This was not at all how he had planned on doing this, in his mind it was much smoother. It was after a winning game, probably not in your living room, and he also wouldn’t be stumbling over his words and half tempted to switch back to Russian. Despite all that though, he didn’t want to wait any longer and there was no taking it back now that it was out there.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you too.” You smiled, carefully slipping it on your right ring finger for now and smiling up at him. “ Don’t want to give people too many ideas now do we?”

You heard him chuckle before leaning down to kiss you again. The game may not have gone how you two wanted, the season may have ended early, but one thing was certain for the both of you.

You had each other, now and for the rest of your lives.

[amor-immortalem]

Everything Undesired chapter 4

Chapter 3

Warning: mention of torture? Light victim blaming, Lucifer, Satan, and Beel commit murder.

“I see,” Diavolo had a contemplative look on his face. The demon lord, often seen with a jovial, bright smile plastered upon his face, now had replaced it with a more serious look as Lucifer explained just what had happened to his brother. “And you’re positive this is what happened to Mammon?”

“Asmo is certain enough that he would stake his title as Avatar of Lust on it.” Satan spoke up.

“I see, if that’s the case then I will permit you up to the human world to pay these women a visit. Make sure they suffer, all three of you.” The warmth in his voice, his eyes, now replaced with a cold tone and a wrathful look, absolutely enraged that a demon not just under his rule, but in his cabinet no less had been assaulted in this manner. He may have failed in protecting the Avatar of Greed from this but he would see to it that a crime this grave never happened again to one of his subjects. “I’d would go in your stead to deal with them myself, but I will stay behind and work to pass legislation to ban the making of pacts freely. This will not happen again; I swear it on my life and my throne.”

And with Diavolo’s permission the three Avatars were off, out for blood for the travesty that befell their brother. Once they were gone, Diavolo turned to his butler.

“Barbatos, did you foresee this at all? Was there not anything we could have done differently to prevent this?” For as angry as he is, the demon lord feels a certain sense of guilt for what happened to the white-haired demon. What kind of ruler cannot protect one of his subjects from something so heinous?

“In another reality, yes.” He nodded, “But never in this one specifically, my Lord.”

“What happens next?”

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The three Avatars stand outside the residence of the witches. Lucifer is the first to step forward, demon form manifesting from the wrath coursing through his being. The aura he emits is suffocating to all around him. A knock on the door is all the courtesy he plans to give them tonight.

When the door opens, there is a collective gasp.

“L-Lord Lucifer,” One of the sisters steps back as the three demons barge their way inside the building. “To what do we owe the honor of this visit from not only you, but your younger brothers as well?”

“Do not. DO NOT ACT AS IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO OUR BROTHER!” Satan roars, his demon for making its appearance. He’s ready to go on the attack however it’s Lucifer that stops him with a simple wave of the hand.

“We know everything you’ve done.” The eldest’s voice is cold, gaze calculated. “You’ve not only laid a hand on one of my brothers, but my favorite one at that. That in and of itself is enough to warrant your deaths, but to cause him such suffering will ensure they are not quick.

With another wave of his hand, the Avatar of Pride bound the three women before letting his brothers have a go at the other two. The eldest was his.

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Asmo took a step into his brother’s room and was devastated to see the look on his brother’s face. He looked so broken; his cheeks soaked with tears as Asmo heard Arella speaking.

“You don’t have to do it if you’re not strong enough for it. I’m sure there are alternatives we could find if you can’t. Just remember, you’re not alone in this. We all will help you if you decide to go through with this.”

The demon’s curiosity was piqued. Just what we’re they talking about?

“’Rella, I can’t ask that of any of you. This is my punishment for bein’ so powerless.”

Asmodeus cleared his throat to gain her their attention.

“What are you two talking about? Did something else happen?”

Arella only picked up the phone and handed it to him. What he saw was enough to pull a gasp from the demon. It made him sick.

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As soon as it had begun, the torture was over. None of the three brothers had even broken a sweat at this point. The witches hadn’t even lasted that long. Blood and viscera coat the floor, bones stick out from odd places, one has pieces missing from her body here and there- bite marks and missing flesh, even a missing arm- all courtesy of the Avatar of Gluttony.

“Beel, are you hungry or has anger tided your hunger?”

“I'm famished,” The Avatar of Gluttony confirmed.

“Go ahead and dispose of their bodies then. Make sure no trace of them remains.” The Avatar of Pride nods to his younger brother.

It was then that they heard it- the screaming cry of a frightened baby. The sound was easy to miss over the shrieking and wailing- the pleas for mercy that would never come. One by one, their heads turned to the sound just upstairs as they all came to terms with the fact that a child had been born from this travesty.

Satan was the first to move as he climbed the stairs. Just off to the right was a tiny nursery and lying in the crib, he found the child. All of his instincts were screaming at him to do away with the infant. He almost did had it not been for Lucifer’s hand placed on his shoulder. They were soon joined by Beel as all three of them peered down at the tiny child below them.

“What do we do?” Beel asked.

“Do we take them with us? Or do we leave them to the proverbial wolves?”

Both brothers looked to the eldest, demanding an answer. For the first time, the Avatar of Pride doesn’t have the answer. Does he take the life of an innocent child or does he subject his brother to a lifetime of suffering? It's an impossible decision to make where either party ultimately loses in the end.

Lucifer reaches down and takes the infant into his arms, a pained look on his face as he scrutinizes the infant’s appearance. Suddenly, he’s flashing back to his time as an angel, back to the first time he ever held Mammon in his arms. The child is an exact carbon copy of their father, no apparent features from his mother or her sisters, this was the best case scenario, but the little one looks sickly- likely due to the lack of demonic influence that would have been received from their father had he been present during the pregnancy.

Finally, after remaining silent for what felt like eternity Lucifer spoke up. “The child doesn’t look long from this world. We’ll wait for morning. If they survive the night, we’ll take them with us- let Mammon decide what to do with them.”

The other two nodded as Beel went back downstairs to finish the meal he had started.

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“You don’t have to take him, Mammon.” Asmo kept staring at the photo on his brother’s D.D.D. as he spoke.

“He has no one else, Asmo,” The white-haired demon frowns. “I can’t just leave him to die and it’s not like I can just give ‘im away either. As much as I hate it, he’s the heir to everything I am- the next Avatar of Greed, the next ruler of the fourth layer. It’ll be hard at first, but I’ll force myself to look past what happened to me. This isn’t his fault, so why punish him for the crimes of his mother and her sisters? He’s innocent in all this.”

“Even now,” the Avatar of Lust chuckled sadly, “after all these years, you still have the heart of an angel, don’t you? You aren’t thinking about what this will do to you, are you? He’ll be a constant reminder of your trauma. Is that really fair to you?”

“It isn't, but when has life ever been fair? If life was fair, we wouldn’t ’ve lost Lilith- wouldn't ‘ve fallen from the Celestial Realm.” He wiped at his eyes.

“No. It’s not, but I still think this is a bad idea for you. None of us will stop you if this is what you want to do but you shouldn’t do it just out a sense of obligation.” Asmo placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You should only keep him if you want to.”

At the look of resignation on Mammon’s face, Arella placed a hand on his back. “We’re here if you need us. If it gets to be too much, I can help care for him, okay?” She echoes the words she had said previously.

“Babe, you don’t-”

“I know I don’t, but I want to.” She smiled softly. “We’re in this together. All of us.” She looked to the strawberry blonde demon as he nodded in agreement.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Satan sat in the rocking chair next to the crib while Lucifer was on the phone notifying Diavolo of the situation as well as speaking to Arella in regards to the baby. He studied his nephew, wondering just what might happen to the little boy. Over the hours since finding him here, the tiny half-demon seemed to be getting stronger- likely from just being in the presence of his brothers and him. It was apparent that the child would be coming with them. He wondered what his brother’s reaction would be to the infant. Demons were known to kill unwanted offspring out of panic.

It was the circle of life, the blonde supposed. Not what the child deserved, but if it led to that, there was really nothing anyone could do. He was drawn from his thoughts as quiet chirps sounded from the boy. He watched as the infant brought his little hand to his mouth and he started squirming in the mass of blankets he was swaddled in.

The Avatar of Wrath looked around for a bottle or really anything that could be a source of nourishment. Of course, the newborn would get hungry eventually- that's essentially all babies at this age, eat and sleep. The demon finally finds a mini fridge on the wall opposite the crib, right next to the changing table. He had never fed a baby before but he would be willing to try as long as it kept the boy satisfied and kept him from crying. A trial by fire as they say.

Rocking the infant carefully, he slowly got up and retrieved a bottle from the fridge. It was a lot smaller than he thought an infant should take but it was good enough for the time being. Thankfully there was a bottle warmer placed on a nightstand near the crib. He placed it inside, setting the temperature at that of a human’s normal body temperature. When the milk was sufficiently heated, he gave it to the child who then suckled it down rather quickly,

“Hey now, there’s no need to suck it down so fast. You'll choke if you’re not careful.”

Lucifer had rejoined at him at this point. The scene of his brother trying so hard to feed the baby almost made him chuckle. “I can take him, if you’d like, Satan.”

“Please, I really don’t know how to do this.” He pulled the bottle away so he could transfer the child to his older brother.

“It won’t be long until the dawn. Gather up some of his things as we’ll be taking him with us. I just got off the phone with Arella. She told me Mammon plans on keeping the him.” Lucifer only sighed, wondering if the Avatar of Greed was only doing this out of a sense of obligation and responsibility.

Green to yellow gradient eyes widen in surprise at the statement. “He’s planning on keeping him? I figured he wouldn’t want anything to do with the baby.”

“As did I but, for all of our brother’s flaws, he’s still genuinely a good person. I don’t think he can really leave behind someone who needs him- especially an innocent child.” Lucifer looks down at the child who has now finished the bottle. “Hand me a rag.”

“Why?”

“Well, I would prefer not to be spat up on and now that he’s finished eating, he needs to be burped.” The eldest moved the infant to rest against his shoulder as Satan handed him the nearest rag he could find. “Babies aren’t capable of burping on their own. Now, go gather his things. I’ll tend to him for the time being."

Next

Masterlist 2

[wonlouvre]

pairing: doctor!wonwoo x lawyer!female oc genre: modern royalty, arranged marriage, fluff and future angst word count: 3.2k WARNINGS: ANGST, VIOLENCE, GUNS

a/n: we are nearing the end guys :( and i promise, it’s a HAPPY ENDING! but for now we have to face the angst, i’m so sorry. disclaimer!! as i have said from the previous parts, i am not well-versed with investigations and court procedures. PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG. thank you very much!! please enjoy this new part and hit my ask box with what you think of it <3

nine: grief | masterlist

Wonwoo has had difficult times in his life and he has managed to overcome them all. Growing up in the public eye, fulfilling duties decreed to him even before he became a teen, a break-up, excelling both academically and physically and most of all, loving himself for who he is. He knows his parents did everything in their power and love to make it a little easier for him. They are the reasons he kept going and going. 

But his heart can’t seem to carry this overwhelming heaviness. 

His parents wanted to end the engagement immediately. It was an argument, an angry one. His mother had her ears closed even before he could speak meanwhile his father’s closed lips already said it all. Of course, he was defensive. He understands his parents concern for their citizens, but nothing is final until a verdict is reached. He has to come back to Jung and Sam and he has to come back to you. Surely enough, when he stepped out of the doors of his home, he had chosen love over duty. 

It’s just that he didn’t know that you had different plans. 

“Where’s the pretty lady?” Sam asks out of the blue while he plays with the new toys Wonwoo brought for the kids at the welfare.

He has been visiting them frequently, at least four times a week in between his hospital schedule. Especially after you decided that he should distance himself from you, he has been in and out of here because the boys are one of the only reasons he’s here other than you. He’s hoping you only meant a break if that’s what you wanted. Because he’d give it to you with as much distance as you want just come back to him. Come back to him because he doesn’t and can’t let you go. 

“She’s a bit busy now,” he tries to make up an excuse and Sam raises his sparkling eyes at his face, probably searching for some truth in his lie. 

“You look different when she’s around,” the young boy says and goes back to his toys. 

Wonwoo’s ears perk and his brows knit in question. “What do you mean?”

“Jung thinks I don’t see it, but his face,” Sam explains and gestures to his tiny yet swelling cheeks. “It changes because of this girl here that I think he’s crushing.”

Wonwoo can’t help the growing smile on his face. “Jung has a crush?”

“Yes.” Sam bobs his head cutely. “You’re just like Jung with the pretty lady around.”

“How about now?” He asks the observant boy who purses his tiny lips before narrowing his eyes at him. 

“You look a little sad.”

Wonwoo didn’t need to ask who’s the pretty lady Sam was talking about because to him, you’re the only pretty lady in his life (second to his mother of course even though she’s angry at him at the moment). He tried to not make it obvious. He doesn’t want anyone to see him that the controversy and your father’s arrest is breaking the two of you apart. He can’t let them see him falling apart for that matter because he wants you to see him confident and strong. 

He doesn’t want to further fuel your doubts and fears. If he can’t support you closely, he’ll do his best to support you even from afar.

That’s why life for him continued. He goes to work, attends to his patients and co-workers needs, he eats, he exercises and he even entertains drinking with Soonyoung despite having to take care of him because of how fast he gets drunk. 

It’s an ineffective distraction because he misses you terribly. He misses going to your office just to take you away from your computer, he misses driving around town with you in the passenger seat and listening to your stories, he misses sleeping over at your apartment after a tiring day shift, he misses your warm and welcoming embrace, he misses your shy and soft kisses against his lips, cheeks, nose, forehead, neck and everywhere else.  

Did he tell you he misses you?

He sends you messages every day. He doesn’t call and he doesn’t wait for a reply. He just wants you to know that he’s here whenever you’re ready. Jeongyeon is kind enough to keep him in the loop, but the updates are very minimal because she’s still your subject and she doesn’t want to hurt you any further. 

For a moment, Wonwoo was afraid to take the leap. But when you asked him if he still wants to marry you which could be equivalent to you ending things, he had to. If you stay or not, he had to say it with all his heart. You had to know because he was sure that whatever it is his whole being is feeling, it’s only for you. 

“I love you.”

Your heart drops at his confession, making you sob to the palm of your hands. He can’t do this to you right now. It’s already hard and painful. You want to be selfish, but it would be wrong to let him suffer with you when he has been nothing but kind and honest. 

“You’re not your father, Y/N,” he promises and holds your hands down. “Please look at me.”

You shake your head, sniffling. You want to scream you love him too. But the words are nothing but a lump at the back of your throat. You continue shedding your tears and the sight breaks Wonwoo’s heart. 

“It’s okay.” He lifts your head up by your cheeks. He wipes your tears away even though it’s futile. He wishes to share with your anguish, but he also respects the desires of your heart. 

His smile was small when he leans down and briefly presses a kiss to your trembling lips. You accept it, fearing it might be the last. You also listen to his last words before he leaves with his bag and coat because it also might be the last time you’ll ever hear them.

“I love you.”

The rain patters on the roof of the car when Wonwoo’s words echoed inside your head. Just the thought of what had transpired the last few days brings tears to your eyes. You haven’t seen him since that night and the longing is unbearable. You wish to hear his voice, feel his touch against you or just see him. But you can’t and you have to persevere through it because you owe justice and accountability to your people.   

You haven’t spoken to your mother even if you tried. She’s just tired, so tired you can’t bring a word out of her. You try to be understanding and a little more patient. After all, getting over a betrayal doesn’t happen overnight. That’s why you continued working even though almost every client you have has backed down and declined your services. Nonetheless, you still go to your office every day as if everything is okay. You drink your coffee, you run over your files and even do a little organizing and disposing here and there. 

Your father’s first trial is today and you’re on your way to speak to him at his detention center. This is the first time you’ll see him aside from the television and newspapers. You’ve been crying ever since he got taken away. You can’t help it. You already know the truth and there’s no blinding away from it. But you want to hear from your father, whom you thought you have known all your life. You want his truth and maybe find some closure. 

When you arrive at the parking lot, the rain has ceased and little by little the temperature is rising again. You really wish things were different. Something in you wishes that this is a set-up. You wish that your father was innocent and only being framed. But there is a bigger something that’s telling you to throw away those wishful thoughts because it’s wrong. 

You ask yourself, am I angry at my father? while walking to the entrance leading to the visitor’s area. I should be, right? You argue because your family name and career is tarnished. Your upcoming marriage is no different which is most likely to be over. 

“Hi my darling,” The King, stripped from his expensive suit, greets you with his usual smile.

The glass between you and your father is clear enough to see that he doesn’t look good. Your father used to look every day ready with his suit on and slick back hair. But right now, he doesn’t. Tears well up in your eyes but you hold it in. It will take a long time to get used to seeing him like this. It will take a painfully long one.

Maybe you’re not angry. Maybe you’re just hurting.

“Hi dad,” you greet back. “How are you?”

The old man smiles and warms his thighs with his hands while looking around the small room. “I’m okay.”

You nod and the cold silence engulfs the room. 

“I’m sorry darling,” he finally says and hearing those words made you burst into tears. He sees you crying and this is the first time he can’t reach his hand out to wipe the tears away. “I’m really sorry that your father’s greed has left you and your mother a wound that might never heal.”

Greed. The news, the Royal Police, the prosecution and everyone else were talking about this. They’re still talking about this. It’s scandalous, it’s controversial. It’s unbelievable too. How could the head and protector of the kingdom do this? 

How could your father do this?

“Dad,” you sob. “Dad.”

“I know,” he tells you. “I know.”

“Please tell me they’re lying,” you begged, your voice shaking.

“I cannot betray you any further, my darling,” he sadly says. “I have to set you all free from my lies.”

You harshly rub your fingers against your eyes, trying to dry the tears that won’t stop from falling. “Who’s Kim Mingyu?”

The alarming buzz! blasts, indicating that your time’s up. You’re quick to your feet and hold your sweating palm against the glass. Your father mirrors your action but it didn’t last long because he was being handcuffed again. 

“Remember,” he says, struggling a little against the two uniformed men. “You are your own person, my darling.” 

Maybe you’re not hurting. Maybe you’re grieving because you just lost your father. 

You know who Kim Mingyu is. You already knew before you could even ask your father. You just wanted to know how your father met him and entangled himself with such a man. What led him to fall for his lies and money that he could trade every ounce of dignity and integrity in his being? Something of that sort. 

Kim Mingyu’s mining business was proposed to the Secretary of the Trade and Industry Department. A mining business that will have children go underground for long agonizing hours. At first, they were immediately rejected knowing that there’s an obvious and strict law disallowing foreigners to the kingdom’s mineral resources. Much more the exploitation of young children. But, Mingyu was ambitious and a sniper to every man's weakness. It didn’t take long for the Secretary of the Trade and Industry to bite. It was easily followed by the Secretary of the Justice Department and your father. They all, among many others, eventually fell for his trap. Everything worked out for Kim Mingyu. 

Your hip is against the hood of the car as you watched the prison guards surround the vehicle your father will ride to the court. Everyone is on high alert. Well, they should be. No one else is more high profile than a criminal king. It’s only the first trial but you’re already more than aware of how things will turn out in the end. 

You clutch the lifebuoy pendant of the necklace you’re wearing, nervous and trying to keep everything together.

You could leave now, but the time and opportunity to see your father is running out. This prison is the only place you could linger just to see him, even for a short while. You won’t be able to follow him at court because Seungkwan advised you not to. Which you understand. This whole case involving your father is already causing a media frenzy so staying away is the smart thing to do. 

As you wait, your phone suddenly rings with an unknown number flashed on the screen. You blink, wondering who could it be at this hour. After a beat of hesitation, you answered and held the phone against your ear. 

“Hello?”

“Ah, Princess Y/N. How’s the King doing?”

You’re not that forgetful to not recognize this voice. “Mr. Kim, how did you get my number?”

“That’s not important right now,” he dodges the question. “What’s important is what I am about to tell you.”

“What do you want from me?” You say with gritted teeth and from your peripheral you can see the guards scramble. Your father is about to come out.

You can hear him scoff. “I don’t want anything from you, Your Highness. But listen…”

Your heart starts to beat faster. It’s a hard visual but your father is nearing the exit. Your bottom lip is starting to hurt from how hard you’re biting it and the few seconds of pause and suspense that Mingyu’s giving you is not helping at all. 

“Listen you sick---” He cuts you off and your blood runs cold.

“I’m going to kill your father.”

What is the fondest memory that you have of your father? 

They’re too many to count and every memory with him, small and big, will always mean everything to you. But as an example, it would be the day you finally took oath as a lawyer. He didn’t tell you, but he, together with your mother, was secretly present at the venue. He told you beforehand that they shouldn’t go because he didn’t want the people to make you uncomfortable and steal the spotlight. You ignored his lame excuse of fame and told him that he can do whatever he wants. 

But he was really there. Tears brimming on his eyes together with pride beaming on his heart. Your mother had to calm him down because he got a little out of control, almost screaming with all his chest at the venue that you’re his daughter. 

You only found out when you hopped on the car and they’re inside with a small cake, flowers and party hats on, shouting loud congratulations and surprise simultaneously. 

Your father was always there. Your parents were. 

You remember those when you ran and pushed your way against the guards blocking your father’s view. You were frantic as you screamed at them to get your father back inside. You fought with all your strength and thrashed against their hold just to reach your father. When you slipped away from them, you ran again, fast. 

You did your best to not get caught. You just have to be close to your dad and push him back inside. You just have to be close to him. You just have to protect him.

You have to be there for him. 

“Please stop!” You shout when another guard takes hold of your waist, locking you to the ground. “You have to bring my father back inside!”

“You’re Highness, please calm down!” The guard shouts back and you fight against him. When he didn’t let you go, you stomped the heel of your shoe on his feet, making him fall in pain. 

“Dad!” You call when you’re finally nearing him. His head lifts up at the sound of your voice and searches for you among the sea of men. “Please! You have to take him back inside! I received a call from Kim Ming---”

BANG!

BANG! 

It was searingly fast. Your whole body collapses on the sweltering concrete before you could reach your father and when his eyes finally find you, you are already swimming in the pool of your blood.  

“It’s always good to see you Mrs. Wang,” Wonwoo compliments the old lady who’s starting to frequent the emergency room. “But not in this manner.”

The old lady gives him a cheeky grin and pinches one of his cheeks. If Wonwoo doesn’t know any better, she’s doing this to not get scolded any further. 

“Your blood sugar is high and I don’t think your granddaughter appreciates her grandma endangering her own life,” he lightly scolds her, if that’s how he can put it. He’s still a doctor after all. “She loves you and she wants you to be healthy when she walks down the aisle in the future.”

Mrs. Wang gives him a silent nod at the mention of her granddaughter, promising that she won’t disobey anymore. That relieves Wonwoo, his lips lifting in a smile. He signs her clearance and hands it back to the nurse. After a few more instructions, he takes his leave and walks back to the information desk. 

He takes one of the patients charts to read. The phone rings and the nurse in charge immediately picks it up and answers. At first, Wonwoo didn’t bother looking up from the paper because emergency calls happen every three seconds. But when there was an eerie silence amidst the loud and busy room, his curiosity made his head tilt up only to get surprised at the widened eyes the nurse was giving him. 

He was about to ask what’s wrong but when he heard the sound of the siren nearing, he ignores his suspicions and runs to the entrance. 

The ambulance parks at a safe distance and the paramedics get out. They move quickly to get the patient out and when they see him, their mouth falls open but no words come out.

Wonwoo didn’t notice so he proceeded to ask, “How’s the patient?”

“Wonwoo!”

Soonyoung almost tripped on his feet as he tried to get a hold of his friend. He takes his arms and tries to pull him away from the ambulance he’s about to open. Wonwoo is starting to get irritated at the bizarre and disconcerting feeling that’s starting to settle in the emergency room.

Wonwoo knocks him off with a glare. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Wonwoo, please,” Soonyoung begs with an unsteady voice, clinging to his friend. 

“Female, late twenties, two gunshot wounds,” one of the paramedics finally yet carefully reports while the other opens the doors of the ambulance. “It’s Her Highness, Princess Y/N.”

Wonwoo roughly removes his friends hand from his arm to step closer to the ambulance and when he sees your lifeless body, he didn’t waste any more time and helped the paramedics move the stretcher out. Soonyoung can see his friend’s hands shaking as he takes hold of the bloodied gurney. He knows he has to stop him right now. 

“Baby,” Wonwoo calls as he runs and wheels you inside. You can’t hear him, but he has to try. He observes proper protocol of transferring you to the bed of the emergency room before applying more pressure to your wounds. You have lost a lot of blood already and it’s not helping Wonwoo that he can’t see your eyes.

“Please, please, please,” Wonwoo whispers as he removes all the obstructions on your body and when his eyes catch the necklace he gave around your neck, his legs grow weak and removing it from you made his tears fall.

“Baby, please,” he pleads. “Open your eyes, hmm?”

Soonyoung steps in together with the doctor who will perform the surgery and take everything from here. He slowly pulls his friend away from your body. Wonwoo didn’t protest anymore, there’s nothing in him left to do so. Your blood is in his hands, in his white coat, it’s everywhere. 

This is not the distance Wonwoo wanted. 

He can’t be apart from you forever.

[luckgods]

Why all the white guys in whump?

I got Inspired by a post asking that question, and here we are. Warning: long post ahead.

I think it’s due to a combination of factors, as things frequently are.

The preference for / prevalence of white male characters in fandom is well-known and has been examined pretty thoroughly by people already.

What’s worth noting for discussing this tendency in whump in particular is that the ‘whump fandom’ itself is not a ‘fandom’ in the traditional sense of being made of fans of one single source narrative (or source setting, like a particular comics fandom, or the Star Wars extended universe) with pre-existing characters. Although subsets of traditional fandoms certainly exist within the larger whump fandom, a lot of whump is based on original, ‘fan’-created characters.

So, given the tendency of ‘traditional’ fandoms to create stories disproportionately centered on white male characters due to the source material itself being centered on white male characters (and giving more narrative weight to them, characterizing them better, etc), if we say hypothetically that the whump fandom is split say 50/50 between ‘traditional’ fandom works and original whump works, you’d expect to see a higher number of works focused on white men than the demographics of the ‘traditional’ fandom’s source work would predict, but not as extreme of a divergence between the source material & the fanworks as the one you’d see if whump fandom were 100% based on popular media.

However, that doesn’t quite seem to be the case. Whump stories and art remain focused on overwhelmingly male and frequently white characters, which means that the tendency of the fandom to create stories disproportionately centered on white male characters cannot be ONLY explained by the source material itself being centered on white male characters (and giving more narrative weight to them, characterizing them better, etc).

And, having established the fact that whump writers & artists presumably have MORE control over the design of their characters than writers & artists in ‘traditional’ fandoms, we have to wonder why the proportions remain biased towards men, & white men in particular.

—

The race thing is pretty simple in my opinion. Mostly, it’s just another extension of the fanbase’s tendency to reflect the (predominantly US-American, on tumblr) culture it exists in, which means that, in a white-centric culture, people make artworks featuring white people.

There’s also the issue of artists being hesitant to write works that dwell heavily on violence towards people of color due to the (US-American) history of people of color being violently mistreated. I’ve actually seen a couple of posts arguing that white people SHOULDN’T write whump of nonwhite characters (particularly Black characters) because of the history of actual violence against Black bodies being used as entertainment, which means that fictional violence against Black people, written by white people, for a (presumed) white audience, still feels exploitative and demeaning.

I'm not going to get into all my thoughts on this discussion here but suffice to say that there's probably an impact on the demographics of whump works from authors of color who simply... don't want to see violence against people of color, even non-explicitly-racialized violence, and then another impact from white authors who choose not to write non-white characters either due to the reasons stated above, or simply due to their personal discomfort with how to go about writing non-white characters in a genre that is heavily focused on interpersonal violence.

Interestingly enough, there’s also a decent proportion of Japanese manga & anime being used as source material for whump, and manga-styled original works being created. The particular relationship between US-American and Japanese pop culture could take up a whole essay just by itself so I’ll just say, there’s a long history of US-Japanese cultural exchange which means that this tendency is also not all that surprising.

—

GENDER though. If someone had the time and the energy they could make a fucking CAREER out of examining gender in whump, gender dynamics in whump, and why there seems to be a fandom-wide preference for male whumpees that cannot be fully explained by the emphasis on male characters in the source text.

I have several different theories about factors which impact gender preference in whump, and anyone who has other theories (or disagrees with mine) is free to jump in and add on.

THEORY 1: AUTHOR GENDER AND PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.
 Fandom in general is predominantly female, although these days it might be more accurate to say that fandom is predominantly composed of cis women and trans people of all genders. However, pretty much everyone who isn't a cis man has had to contend with the specter of gendered violence in their real personal life. Thus, if we posit whump (and fandom more generally) as a sort of escapist setup, it's not hard to see why whump authors & artists might willfully eschew writing female whumpees (especially in the case of inflicted whump), because (as in the discussion of people of color in whump above), even violence towards women that is explicitly non-gender-based may still hit too close to home for people whose lives have been saturated with the awareness of gender-based violence.

THEORY 2: SICK OF SEXY SUFFERING.
 Something of an addendum to theory 1, it's worth noting that depictions of female suffering in popular media are extremely gendered (in that they specifically reflect real-life gender-based violence, and that said real-life violence is almost exclusively referenced in relation to female characters) and frequently sexualized as well. There's only so many times you can see female characters having their clothes Strategically Ripped while they're held captive, being sexually menaced (overtly or implicitly) to demonstrate How Evil the villain is, or just getting outright sexually assaulted for the Drama of it all before it gets exhausting, especially when the narratives typically either brush any consequences under the rug, or dwell on them in a way that feels more voyeuristic and gratuitous than realistic and meaningful. All this may result in authors who, given the chance to write their own depictions of suffering, may decide simply to remove the possibility of gendered violence by removing the female gender.

THEORY 3: AUTHOR ATTRACTION. 
I'll admit that this one is more a matter of conjecture, as I haven't seen any good demographic breakdowns of attraction in general fandom or whump fandom. That said, my own experience talking to fellow whump fans does indicate that attraction to the characters (whether whumpers, or whumpees) is part of the draw of whump for some people. This one partially ties into theory 1 as well, in that people who are attracted to multiple genders may not derive the same enjoyment out of seeing a female character in a whumpy situation as they might seeing a male character in that situation, simply because of the experience of gendered violence in their lives.

THEORY 4: ACCEPTABLE TARGETS.
 The female history of fandom means that there's been a lot more discussion of the impacts of depicting pain & suffering (especially female suffering) for personal amusement. Thus, in some ways, you could say that there is a mild taboo on putting female characters through suffering if you can't "justify" it as meaningful to the narrative, not just titillating, which whump fandom rarely tries or requires anyone to do. This fan-cultural 'rule' may impact whump writers' and artists' decisions in choosing the gender of their characters.

THEORY 5: AN ALTERNATIVE TO MAINSTREAM MASCULINITY.
 Whump fandom may like whumping men because by and large, mainstream/pop culture doesn't let men be vulnerable, doesn't let them cry, doesn't let them have long-term health issues due to constantly getting beat up even when they really SHOULD, doesn't let them have mental health issues period. Female characters, as discussed in theory 2, get to ("get to") go through suffering and be affected by it (however poorly written those effects are), but typically, male characters' suffering is treated as a temporary problem, minimized, and sublimated into anger if at all possible. (For an example, see: every scene in a movie where something terrible happens and the male lead character screams instead of crying). So, as nature abhors a vacuum, whump fandom "over-produces" whump of men so as to fill in that gap in content.

THEORY 6: AMPLIFIED BIAS.
 While it's true that whump fandom doesn't have a source text, it's also true that whump fans frequently find their way into the fandom via other 'traditional' fandoms, and continue participating in 'traditional' fandoms as part of their whump fandom activity. Bias begets bias; fandom as a whole has a massive problem with focusing on white male characters, and fans who are used to the bias towards certain types of characters in derivative works absolutely reproduce that bias in their own original whump works.

—

I honestly think that there is greater bias in the whump fandom than anyone would like to admit. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems as though whump fans avoid introspection and discussion of the issue by bringing up the points I talked about in my previous theories, particularly discomfort with depictions of female suffering for amusement.

However, I think that, as artists, we owe it to ourselves and one another to engage in at least a small amount of self-interrogation over our preferences, and see what unconscious or unacknowledged biases we possess. It's a little absurd to argue that depictions of women as whumpees are universally too distressing to even discuss when a male character in the exact same position would be fine and even gratifying to the person making that argument; while obviously, people have a right to their own boundaries, those boundaries should not be used to shut down discussion of any topics, even sensitive ones.

Furthermore, engaging in personal reflection allows artists to make more deliberate (and meaningful) art. For people whose goal is simply to have fun, that may not seem all that appealing, but having greater understanding of one's own preferences can be very helpful towards deciding what works to create, what to focus on when creating, and what works to seek out.

—

GENDER ADDENDUM: NONBINARY CHARACTERS, NONBINARY AUTHORS. 
Of course, this whole discussion so far has been exclusively based on a male-female binary, which is reductive. (I will note, though, that many binary people do effectively sort all nonbinary people they know of into 'female-aligned' and 'male-aligned' categories and then proceed to treat the nonbinary people and characters they have categorized a 'female-aligned' the same way as they treat people & characters who are actually female, and ditto for 'male-aligned'. That tendency is very frustrating for me, as a nonbinary person whose gender has NOTHING to do with any part of the binary, and reveals that even 'progressive' fandom culture has quite a ways to go in its understanding of gender.)

Anyways, nonbinary characters in whump are still VERY rare and typically written by nonbinary authors. (I have no clue whether nonbinary whump fans have, as a demographic group, different gender preferences than binary fans, but I'd be interested in seeing that data.)

As noted above with female characters, it's similarly difficult to have a discussion about representation and treatment of nonbinary characters in whump fandom, and frankly in fandom in general. Frequently, people regard attempts to open discussions on difficult topics as a call for conflict. This defensive stance once again reveals the distaste for requests of meaningful self-examination that is so frequent in fandom spaces, and online more generally.

—

TL;DR: Whump is not immune to the same gender & racial biases that are prevalent in fandom and (US-American) culture. If you enjoy whump: ask yourself why you dislike the things you dislike— the answer may surprise you. If you create whump: ask yourself whose stories you tell, and what stories you refuse to tell— then ask yourself why.

[intheticklecloset]

The Great Academia Road Trip, Part 2 (My Hero Academia)

Primary Universe

Summary: On their first morning away from home, Deku and Aoyama meet in the early hours and wind up passing the time waiting for the others to wake up in an unexpected and playful way.

A/N: I feel like a genius for finding a way to combine these two prompts. I also consider myself a genius for finding a temporary solution to my "I hate titles" problem. Hahaha! Enjoy!

Word Count: 1,461

Part 1

~~~

“Good morning, Midoriya.”

Deku turned, smiling when he saw his sparkly blonde friend entering the bathroom they shared with the rest of the guys in their class. It was their first full day of activities on this training/vacation road trip they were on, and – as usual – Deku had been up earlier than most everyone else just out of habit. He’d thought to go ahead and get dressed and wash up before the rest of the guys woke and caused chaos with their limited space, so he was pleasantly surprised when his quiet morning was interrupted by one of his more relaxed classmates.

“Morning, Aoyama,” he replied. “Did you sleep well?”

“Oui.” Aoyama nodded, stretching his arms above him before turning on one of the faucets and splashing his face with cold water. “You?”

“Pretty good, actually.” Deku smiled. Thanks to Kacchan’s random tickle attack last night, any uneasiness he may have felt about sleeping in a new place had been all but eradicated. “I’m not sure what time we’re allowed in the lobby. Do you?”

“No, but if we are quiet I’m sure we couldn’t get into trouble for just looking to see, you know?”

“Right.”

Deku stepped outside to give Aoyama some privacy, and when they were both ready to go, they made their way down the hall of sleeping classmates and other hotel guests to the stairwell, where they poked their head down to see if anyone was moving about in the lobby yet.

It looked astonishingly empty.

“Perhaps it is too early?” Aoyama suggested.

Deku hummed thoughtfully, frowning. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s only an hour before we’re supposed to be up; don’t you think at least one of the teachers would be up by now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well…” Deku glanced around, then pointed to the landing halfway down the stairs where they’d be between the two floors. “Why don’t we sit down there until someone else shows up? That way we can talk without disturbing anybody, and when the lobby opens up we’ll see movement.”

Aoyama nodded. “Good idea.” He stretched again. “I slept well, but my back is sore.”

“Too used to the beds in our dorms?”

“Oui. In comparison, these bedrolls we use during travel are made of concrete.”

Deku chuckled. “They are a little harder, huh?” He watched as Aoyama stretched his arms above his head yet again, tilting from side to side to try and ease the soreness in his back. Deku felt an incredible urge to tickle him while he was exposed, but forced himself to stay put.

Then Aoyama groaned and placed both hands on his lower back. “Midoriya, I don’t suppose I could ask you for a favor?”

“Of course!”

“Would you mind massaging my back a little?” the blonde asked sheepishly, unable to make eye contact. “The muscles are so tense and I don’t think stretching is going to help.”

Deku smiled. “Totally. Here, lie down on your stomach. I’ll do what I can.” Once Aoyama had done as he was asked, Deku gently felt around his lower back, searching out the tense spots his friend was talking about. It didn’t take long at all to find them. “Whoa, Aoyama, you’ve got some serious knots of tension. What did you do? Sleep like a pretzel?”

“Some things cannot be explained, mon ami.”

Deku chuckled again. “Okay, well, just let me know if anything hurts too much. I’ll try and ease the pain for you.”

“Merci.”

For several minutes, Deku worked gently on Aoyama’s back, easing the knots of tension as best he could, massaging the area to ease the pain. He worked for almost ten minutes before checking in. “How’s that? Any better?”

“Much better,” Aoyama sighed contentedly. “I owe you one.”

“Not at all.” Deku hesitated, that urge to tickle him rising up again. Now that he was no longer in pain, it was definitely tempting…

Oh, what the heck? Deku lightly scribbled over Aoyama’s sides, grinning when the blonde yelped and slapped a hand over his mouth, rolling into his side with wide eyes.

“M-Midoriya?”

“Yes?” Deku asked innocently, slipping his hands under the blonde’s shirt to scratch at his lower ribs. “Are you still feeling pain?”

“N-No, y-you – Midoriya, stohohohop…” Aoyama let a couple of giggles loose, rolling onto his back and trying to sit up.

Deku straddled him. “But I think I feel more tension. Right here.” He kneaded his thumbs into the sides of his friend’s belly, right near his navel. When Aoyama’s stomach clenched with suppressed giggles, the green-haired boy nodded seriously. “Yep, there’s definitely tension. Let me work on that, too.”

“N-Nohohohoho! Midoriya!” Aoyama used on hand to cover his mouth and the other to try and push Deku away. “Thehehehere’s no tehehehension! Y-You’re tihihickling me! Plehehehease!”

“Tickling?” Deku exclaimed as though he’d never heard the word. “Is that why you’re giggling? Oh, that makes sense. Definitely.”

“Stohohohohohohop!”

“But I like making my friends laugh,” Deku teased, shooting one hand up into Aoyama’s underarm. Aoyama screeched and finally released his mouth, using both hands to push his assailant away as laughter poured from him freely. “Yeah, just like that!”

“Plehehehehehehease! Midoriya, stohohohohohop!”

Deku beamed, then climbed off of him, patting his knee. “Sorry, Aoyama. But you kept stretching in front of me and then you asked me for a massage and I really couldn’t resist.”

Aoyama kept giggling, catching his breath, and when he looked at Deku, there was a wicked glint to his eye that made the freckled boy both nervous and excited.

“You said you like making your friends laugh? Well, so do I.” The blonde grabbed Deku’s hip, and Deku slapped both hands over his mouth to keep from letting out a scream of laughter, falling back against the wall with Aoyama quickly climbing into his lap, trapping him so effectively he couldn’t move at all. He could only sit there and take it, and the sparkly teen was pressing his thumbs into Deku’s hips so deliberately.

“Please!” Deku squealed, trying his best to stay quiet as he dug his heels into the carpet and wiggled back and forth against the wall, fighting between his desire to cover up his boisterous laughter and his desire to push Aoyama away – or tickle him back again. “P-Plehehehease, not thehehehere, I’ll whahahahake everyone up!”

“Then you shouldn’t have tickled me while I was helpless to fight back,” Aoyama teased, grinning.

“But you wheheheheheren’t helpless - Aoyama nohohohohohohohoho!” Deku arched his back as much as possible when he found the hip bone, forcing the green-haired boy to thrash against the wall, finally pushing at Aoyama with desperate laughter bursting from his lungs. “PLEHEHEHEHEASE, NO, I’LL WAHAHAHAHAHAKE THE WHOLE HOTEL – AOYAMAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

“Good morning, you two.”

The third voice put an abrupt end to the boys’ play, drawing their attention to the top of the stairs, where Shinsou stood with one hand in his jeans pocket as he began his descent.

“Sh-Shinsou!” Deku yelped, pushing Aoyama away now that he was distracted. The blonde tumbled off in a heap. “G-Good morning!”

“Having fun, Midoriya?” the purple-haired boy smirked, walking past him without waiting for an answer, continuing into the lobby.

“I – w-wait! We don’t know if we’re allowed—”

“Didn’t you read the handout?” Shinsou looked back up at the both of them once he’d reached the base of the stairs. “We’re allowed in the lobby after six in the morning, even if we’re not required to be up by seven. They start serving breakfast at six.”

Deku and Aoyama exchanged surprised glances.

“I take it neither of you have eaten yet?”

“No,” said Aoyama. “We were waiting for someone else to show up.”

Shinsou was silent for a long moment, looking between the two of them before his eyes settled on Deku. “Well…I’m here now. Do you…want to join me for breakfast?”

Deku leapt to his feet, nearly pulling Aoyama up with him. “Of course!”

Shinsou nodded, then kept walking.

Aoyama followed Deku down the rest of the stairs, but before they could get too far into the lobby, he pinched Deku’s ribs, making him squeak. “Just getting the last tickle in, Midoriya. You’d better be careful who you choose to tickle fight with.” The blonde winked at him. “I may not go so easy on you next time.”

That was going easy? Deku thought, a thrill shooting through him. He could still feel ghost tickles in his hips where the blonde’s hands had been just a minute before. Still, he couldn’t let Aoyama think he was intimidated. “I’d like to see you try and beat me in a tickle fight, Aoyama.”

The blonde smirked at him just as they caught up to Shinsou in the dining room. “Challenge accepted, mon ami.”

~~~

Part 3

[laryna6]

Hmm, Cha Hae-In... if she ran into Sung Jin-Woo at the sword school somehow and is ? that he smells good?

Sugar Mama Cha Hae-In + the Hunters’ Guild going ‘these two are adorable we are going to make this ship sail’

Also he’s adorable and her sword teacher tells her that he keeps getting injured but keeps going on hunts, people think he’s an idiot rich boy in it for the thrill but he doesn’t buy that, no defense and yet he gets wounded protecting their healer too.

Cha Hae-In using her vice guildmaster position to offer him a position on the resource gathering teams, and watching as he goes from shut down and dead inside to smiling and friendly and starting to actually talk to people. They’re like sure, he’s not the fastest/strongest worker, but he’s hard working and does his best and pays attention to instructions.

Meanwhile Sung Jin-Woo is ‘this job comes with medical insurance!’ and Jin-Ah is ‘I don’t have to worry about my brother dying anymore! The Hunter’s Guild would absolutely have like, whole guild social functions where you bring your family and Jin-Ah wanting to talk to Cha Hae-In and explaining the situation and being ‘thank you so much for saving the life of my last family.’

So Cha Hae-In is *manly tears* Such a wonderful big brother! So filial! So cute!

Sung Jin-Woo starts bringing her lunch to thank her and she’s ‘you don’t have to...’ (but it’s really good) ‘I am rich af let me pay you’ and Sung Jin-Woo is ‘sure’ because money.

... to skip ahead, shadow!Choi Jong-In continuing to do paperwork, corresponence and checking over payroll after death leaves him Not Impressed with Ashborn wanting to ditch Jin-Woo (especially after finding out Ashborn made Jin-Woo responsible for his army)

So like, the entire Hunter’s Guild is like, ‘Cha Hae-In has a boyfriend... but we already know him and he is a Good Kid not like, someone who wants to feel dominant over a powerful woman or any of that BS and oh hey this food is really good’ So Choi Jong-In goes ‘we’re going to have a cafeteria now and provide lunches for all the gate teams’ and puts Sung Jin-Woo in charge of it and people are like ‘this is why we call u a genius’

People are like ‘when are you going to ask him out’ and Cha Hae-In is ‘as vice guildmaster I’m his boss! I can’t hit on him!’ so Choi Jong-In is like ‘congratulations you own a restaurant in our guild building now with a lucrative contract with our guild’

Now it’s ‘i can’t hit on him at work! And he feels like he really owes me, I don’t want to make him feel like I was... expecting things’

They are like ah! She is such a good person for an s-rank! Ok, then they need Sung Jin-Woo to make a move! Plan 1: he seems to like watching her train even though he can’t follow a lot of her movements, so we’ll invite him along to watch a fight.

Next up is a double dungeon, but it appeared in a low rank dungeon and the measurements are still weak AF. So like, it’s a mission that the Hunter’s Guild can go on like, just to be sure! But almost certainly safe for an e-rank.

And then you have Choi Jong-In and Sung Jin-Woo scrambling to figure out the rules. Cha Hae-In carrying Sung Jin-Woo over her shoulder, someone else taking Choi Jong-In after he passes out burning up all his MP in the hopes of taking out the statue’s eye beams. 

So they’re around the altar with their unconscious boss and the e-rank up on it in the center to be safest, and they’re staring down the statues and debating ‘do we send Cha Hae-In out the door to carry the guildmaster and Sung Jin-Woo to safety, or does that door scream obvious trap because the rule is ‘prove your faith’ and wouldn’t leaving the temple be abandoning your faith?

And Cha Hae-In and Sung Jin-Woo are ‘that would leave you guys without any s-ranks against a very high a boss if not worse.’ and it’s the hunter guild’s duty to close gates first. This gate was counting down when it was reported as a double dungeon, they cannot let this boss gate breach.

The flames count down and, hmm, should the architect react like a thwarted bully or improv some new bullshit to act like everything is within his calculations? So he goes ‘to prove your faith you must now offer a sacrifice’ but instead of obviously giving up the weakling to keep the others alive they’re like yeah, fuck no (’if the porter/guest gets hurt the whole guild has failed’)

So he grabs Jin-Woo and unleashes the statues on the humans with orders to make it hurt but not finish them off, and tells him ‘get on that altar and you’ll be able to leave here with them.’

And Jin-Woo knew he was willing to die for Jin-Ah and Mom, but they’re safe now and he owes that to Cha Hae-In and everyone at the Hunter Guild’s kindness. so he’s ‘ok’ and they are ‘nonono’

He wakes up at the hospital, told he’s the only survivor and he’s been asleep for a month, which... he knew the boss was a lying bastard, monsters don’t spare humans, but he couldn’t just not even TRY/do anything.

...WTF is this? He thought seeing that screen before was some kind of pre-death brain screwery. Jin-Ah and the Hunter’s Guild b-team start coming in and he’s ?? are you guys seeing this? THey are ‘what did that thing do to poor helpless e-rank good boy?!’

Choi Jong-In measures him as an A rank, but instead of being happy Sung Jin-Woo is going through status screens on job class an abilities and...

And then he pales.

And summons the dead.

The boss said ‘he’d go home with them.’ Effing literal words... They can’t speak, but they touch his shoulder to say it’s okay.

...He...

Sung Jin-Woo ends up rejoining the Hunter’s Guild after leveling to S because without any S ranks it would have lost a lot of prestige and ability to take more valuable gates and pay for all the salary, benefits and expensive protective armor.

Doing the JeJu op and since he’s OP, replacing the Draw Sword guild as emergency call-in guild for southeast asia due to like ‘why would we charge you fees A rank gates are where the money’s at if anything we should be paying you for finding them for us’

But if Min Byong-Gyu does die and get turned into a shadow but talks to Baek Yoon-Ho re ‘hey I’m being forced to adore that guy his power is really creepy get me out of here’ and Baek is concerned about Choi Jong-In too...

Sung Jin-Woo’s reaction to the idea his friends are being FORCED to care about him/not be mad he was a useless e-rank and couldn’t save them...

Ashborn seeing Sung Jin-Woo with comrades that ~died with him, like he resurrected his fallen soldiers after did... even more ‘like me’ so earlier decision to not possess.

Ms. Selner going ‘there is great darkness in you’ and he’s ‘can you tell me anything else?’

Hunter’s Guild Shadow Squad wanting to powerlevel for Cartenon temple rematch and then they get sealed instead of getting to attack that bastard? FFFFFFFFFF

instead of ‘get necromancer class’ it’s ‘unlock a prestige class’ so he does get Igris.

He wants to get stronger so he can stop this from happening again, and making sure gates got cleared and people were safe is what they wanted... right?

More examination of using his power on humans/to preserve human souls since like, he can’t get valid consent NOW.

...Chairman Yoo going ‘those lizards killed my son, stole his equips, and made me pay them for being ‘kind’ enough to carry his body out, but I can’t do sh*t because the older brother’s an s-rank,’ and bowing his head.

So Sung Jin-Woo shadowing Jin-Ho, who gets adopted into squad happily. That way he can ask him to confirm ‘those guys did murder you, yes?’

Hunter’s Guild is guild conference rep for Korea OFC, people from guild helping Jin-Woo study up on who everyone is and the contacts they’ve got/are working on. Hwang Dong-Su kidnaps someone else.

During Ashborn meeting Choi Jong-In showing up to SHAME Ashborn for planning to sleep forever (suicide ideation) bc as a leader he should be more responsible than to ditch someone else to take care of the org he’s responsible for. If Choi Jong-In is doing paperwork from behind the grave, this guy isn’t going to get to lie around when humanity desperately needs more combatants at this level/Jin-Woo shouldn’t have to die alone.

[shit-scfandom-did]

so i have a few questions

1)i cannot understand how you ship k*ramel. their relationship was FILLED with toxicity. from mon-el failing over and over again to listen to what kara had to say to him basically telling her to give up being kara danvers. convincing her that "being supergirl and having you is enough” was absolutely horrible. karamel had their moments but overall it was toxic. then in s3 mon el was married and the whole point of season 3 was allowing them to move on. accepting the toxicity from s2 and pushing past that romanticized time. mon el was a better person by 3b but he was still married. even if mon el and imra did break up in the finale there’s no future for karamel. even during 5x13 kara went to ask on advice about lena. and when winn came to visit from the future not a word about him. she’s moved on and it just wouldn’t make sense for kara to end up with him.

2) how can you hate lena so so so much?? it’s been said over and over again that all she’s ever wanted to do is good. though she’s designed to be this morally grey character. she has FLAWS but that’s what makes her so good. she’s a victim of abuse and you can see her struggle with that especially in seasons 4 and 5. in 5 she definitely goes down a questionable path but how can you expect her not too? after being emotionally abused by her brother, betrayed by her family, andrea (this did happen before kara), and then eve. finding out that kara and EVERYONE she loves has betrayed her as well. I mean how could you not go mad?? and even when she “went mad” she was trying to rid humanity of PAIN. something she later realized was a necessary part of life. her hurt blinded her from reality and lex’s manipulation pushed her down further. she’s been hurt and broken so many times and while that’s not an excuse for what she’s done you have no sympathy for her and that I find appalling. lena has realized what she’s done is wrong, that she’s made mistakes, what she did to kara, and she will have to live with that isn’t that punishment enough? she’s apologized and is trying to make up for everything she’s done by saving the world (again). your unnecessary hate towards her infuriates me. cant you take a step back and see the whole picture?

3) why DONT you ship supercorp or accept the queerbaiting? (watch this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C2w2GBXd_Pg) They are the core relationship of the show while the danvers sisters are the heart. they’ve gone through so so much together and practically dated in early season 2. they love each other it’s just oh so apparent. i like to believe one of the reasons lena reacted so strongly in s5 is because she was in love with kara and she couldn’t handle the person she was in love with lying to her. and kara flew around the world to get lena’s favorite food!! if that’s not romantic idk what is. I feel like you’ve developed such a clouded view of supercorp that you need to take a step back and understand what lena is the love of kara’s life.

wow what a long message. im not here to hate. im here to inform & undertand. i get it. karamel had their moments and even MY perception of them might be a little cloudy. im not going to hate you for liking them. hell I even shipped them for a little! my brother thinks 3b mon el and kara would’ve been perfect but he understands that supercorp is just where the show is leading and he wants them to be endgame. but what I will hate is your hate. what’s the point of all this? this thread, this account is going to do NOTHING. so why bother? I debated sending this and I hope I’m not too harsh at times but I really wanna see what you say. I hope you can open your eyes to lena and supercorp. maybe even become a supercorp shipper yourself!

- thanks and supercorp endgame 💙❤️

First of all, if you want to discuss ships in the future send this type of anons to facepalming-since-chernobyl, this blog is not for this, but for gathering receipts.

1.I just ship it, I don’t get why you have to understand it. It’s shipping. But if you insist:

No, it was not filled with toxicity. Count me when he failed to listen to her when they were in a relationship. Secondly, he is not a dog, he has his brain, he is his own person. People don’t always do what others asked them to do. It’s not slavery.

He has NEVER said to her to give up being Kara Danvers. How did he exactly convince her? How can you read the scene that he convinced her that being supergirl and having him is erasing Kara Danvers? In this scene he supports anything SHE WANTS to do. Also, Kara Danvers doesn’t equal Kara being a reporter in CatCo. On that moment she had her blog. She change people’s live with it like a real reporter. She took the risk and met consequences of her actions aka being fired by Snapper. Also, remind me who told her to create a blog? With your logic Lena was erasing Kara Danvers too.

Friendly reminder that he was forced to the marriage to keep peace. Also, friendly reminder Imra and the Legion out him in this situation without telling him about her plans. She and Brainiac put him there, knowing exactly how much he loved Kara and how much she meant to him. Imra knew that, that’s why she asked him to stay and solve his feelings. She said if he had come back, she would have known he had no doubts. But he wanted to stay, that’s why they broke up. He came back because once again he sacrificed himself for the greater good, like a real hero. Maybe watch the Argo eps because they clearly show that no, it was no about moving on.

It was not accepting about so called toxicity. First of all, she already forgave him that he lied. Secondly, all of she was screaming in that scene, when she was infected with M’rynn’s powers, happened before they got together and it was already approached in the musical ep. Aka, this scene had no point.

There is no future for karamel because you say so?

Kara went to asked him, because she truly believed and trusted him and his judgment. And yes, she asked about Lena and what did he said? That Kara deserved the same compassion she gives others, something Lena never gave her. And sorry, I know all scs scream the 100 ep was about sc, but it was about Kara fully realizing she is not responsible for Lena’s horrible choices. That’s it. And friendly reminder she called her a villain in the last scene. Also, the ep showed than no matter what, Lena always ends screwing something, because she has too big ego, always knows better, doesn’t stand criticism and doesn’t trust anyone.

It doesn’t make sense for you. Suit yourself.

2.Her fans made me hate her :) Thanks to them and how they excuse her every horrible action, how they treat her as a victim, while she abuse everyone etc. I started to watch her more carefully. And well, she is a horrible, white, privileged capitalist, who plays god, judge, jury, has mommy issues and acts like typical Luthor while crying she is not one, while still using Luthors money and resources.

Yeah, many people want to make good and end doing evil things. Common people pay for their sins, she has never. Since allowing hostile Daxamite army to invade the Earth (also, her portal affected the other aliens who destroyed the NC), producing a device that could recofnize aliens without their consent (and it was used by Children of Liberty,)producing and lying about Kryptonite, trying to make people superpowered without any supervision, killing Adam during illegal experiment, supporting openly alienphobic president and in a way Agent Liberty, killing Lex and then blaming Kara and finally manipulating Kara for months, lying, gaslighting, yelling, making her steal Lex journal, trying to lobotomize her and tortured with kryptonite, hurting every way possible, physically and mentally. Working with mass murderer, enslaving 3 people (kidnapping Eve, without her consent putting AI into her mind, basically RAPING her brain and making her a puppet in her own body; enslaving end experimenting on Malefic and Russel – threatening to kill him to steal Andrea’s necklace) – none of it are flaws. It was horrible abuse and violating every human right and the fact some people excuse it is disgusting.

First of all, being victim of abuse doesn’t give you the rights to HURT other people. The fact I have to explain pains me. Secondly, what abuse exactly? Lillian didn’t love her? Lex kidnapped her? Said he was going to kill her? You know what? Winn HAD HORRIBLE past and he didn’t turn into a murderer. Mon-El was abused by his mother and never tortured Kara with Kryptonite. J’onn killed a lot of white martians but last time I checked he doesn’t feel good about it. Also, never said the things he has done were GOOD. See a difference?

Yeah, and all of it, still doesn’t give her the rights to torture people. Also, friendly reminder she lied to Supergirl about Kryptonite in s3, much before the whole drama. Remember how she destroyed the life of a girl that stole boyfriend in middle school? It clearly shows she always had THAT in her. Plus, sorry not sorry, if she wanted different life, outside her family she could have easily done that. She was in Star City, with Jack, doing her researches, making her career. And she threw it all away, because she WANTED to be a Luthor.

Plus, sorry not sorry, if you feel betrayed and hurt because your friend didn’t tell you something she didn’t OWE you, you go to therapy, not trying to lobotomize entire planet.

Mate, she wanted to lobotomizer entire humanity, without ANYONE’S consent, because SHE, one single Lena, felt hurt. This is playing a GOD. Nothing explains it.

Planning a cold ass revenge for months is not being blinded by feelings.

Once again, even if could argue about how many times she was broken, most of that was a white privileged life she chose herself but whatever, it still doesn’t excuse her. All of she has done should meet consequences. Paying for shit you have done, accepting it, fully realizing what you have done is a part of redemption. Still in s5 she didn’t even apologize to Kara. Because she still didn’t understand what she has done and doesn’t feel sorry about it.

Feel appalled as much as you want, because I’m not going to feel sorry for a white, privileged woman who has never paid for her actions and is basically a living avatar of the worst Karen you can imagine.

She realized Lex was using her horrible experiments (remember? She experimented on puppies too) to his own agenda, that’s why she went to Kara. That’s not grasping a thing. Mhm, if you call that an apology then suit yourself. She is not saving the world, she is helping once again other people fixing the shit she created.

Feel infuriated as much as you want, because I don’t care? Especially when it comes from a person who tells others to take a step back while being totally narrow minded about Mon-El and karamel.

3.Because actors, prodcuers, writers call SC a female friendship. Mel did that in her last interview. See whatever you want but maybe stop forcing people to ship a horribly abusive ship.

Well… no. Kara is the heart and soul of the Supergirl. Alex is her most important relationship. Lena is an important friend, who doesn’t deserve it yet, but we all know Kara is the Paragon of Hope so of course she is going to forgive her.

I know you people think sc dated because they breathed in one room, but in s2 Kara dated, had sex, kissed, cuddled and enjoyed her time with Mon-El.

Yeah, they love each other as friends. It was said more than once.

That’s your delusion, you are free to do it.

Kara done that to Alex too, so you are saying she is romantically in love with her sister or something? If bringing people food is romantic and damn, most of the people I know loves me, god.

No, lena is not Kara’s love of her life.

Cool, you are not going to hate me because I ship karamel, I’m touched.

Sorry that you are going to be super disappointed in the end of the show I guess.

You will hate my hate – what’s the point of it?

Once again, because I don’t think you understand the point of this blog or read the description – it’s gathering receipts of assholes who cross tag and hate on the actors. Maybe go and search #gross hate or #cast hate on this blog so you can see how amazing your fandom is. Have fun.

I would rather eat my own shit than starting shipping the victim of abuse with her abuser.

Thanks and no :)

[eternalstann]

Still The One

Tom Holland x Reader

Request: Congrats on your 2,000 followers!!You deserve it! ❤️ Could I please request a Tom imagine? Maybe an angsty one where they break off their relationship of a few years after a few bad fights. So months go by and Tom is still a mess, his family still misses you so he decides to win you back but unbeknownst to him you have been seeing someone for the past couple of weeks. Who will Y/N choose?? It would mean so much but no worries if you have trouble writing this request, I would still be looking forward to your other writing. But major thanks in advance 😊😊

In the moment, Tom thought he’d done the right thing.

He loved you, and he knew you loved him but things weren’t like they were when you first met. You’d been arguing more and more often..it just felt like you weren’t on the same page.

Finally, both of you had just had enough.

“You know what, Y/N this isn’t working any more” Tom’s voice was quieter now; different from the screaming match the two of you were having just moments before. He feels the lump in his throat the second the words leave his mouth and he almost wants to take them back. But part of him knows neither of you could go on like this.

“I was thinking the same thing” you reply coldly, eyes staring back at him with zero emotion. You were numb, a piece of you breaking when his words washed over you. You turn your back to him, feeling the tears well.

Tom watched you in silence, as you grabbed your purse, walking out the door. And out of his life.

And that was it. Now here Tom was, almost five months later. Completely sure that losing you was the biggest mistake of his life. He lay in his bed, scrolling through pictures of the two you he couldn’t bring himself to delete. Watching videos and listening to your laugh. His heart ached in his chest, looking at the sparkle in his eyes that only you could bring. He just wanted to feel the same happiness he had with you again. He wanted you.

And it wasn’t enough for him to feel shitty about your break up, his friends and family refused to let you go. Or let him live it down.

You were the daughter Nikki never had, and Tom had been terrified to tell her. He remembers the look of shock and disappointment when she found out, not even from him. She’d texted you to meet for lunch and nearly dropped her phone when you politely told her you didn’t think it was appropriate since you and Tom had split up.

Tom remembers him and Harry almost getting into a literal fist fight when Harry called him an idiot for leaving you.

Even Zendaya and Jacob were pissed at him, refusing to choose between the two of you.

You had been a part of every single aspect of his life and now he felt an emptiness that he knew was from the loss of you.

Tom finally peeled himself from his bed, getting dressed to visit his parents and siblings for dinner.

Seeing them was a temporary distraction and he was happy he’d decided to come until about halfway through the meal.

“Hey Tom, can you take me to the mall tomorrow?” Paddy asks cheerfully and Tom takes another bite of his food before telling him no.

“Y/N would’ve taken me” Paddy grumbles and Sam kicks him under the table.

“Ouch! Well she would’ve! She was always nicer than you. I don’t know why she ever agreed to be your girlfriend in the first place” he exclaims, getting up from the table.

The rest of his family is stunned into silence at Paddy’s outburst.

“Well, in his defense...she probably would’ve taken him to the mall” Harry adds and Dom hushes the redhead.

“Tom, honey I’m so sorry. I don’t know where that came from. I’ll make him apologize” Nikki tried to console him but Tom assures her it’s fine. Because he knows where it came from.

You had become a part of the family. You’d helped Paddy with homework and made TikToks with him. You cooked with Sam. You laughed at his dads jokes. Hell you and Harry were pretty much best friends and he was positive the two of you still talked, much to his annoyance.

But he couldn’t be mad at his family, when he was already too mad at himself. This was his doing, and he needed to fix it. He still loved you, and this was his sign to get you back.

He mustered up all his courage and set his pride aside to text you; after begging Harry to give him your new number.

“Hey Y/N. It’s Tom. I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from and you don’t owe me anything. But it would mean the world to me if we could just meet and talk some time. I hope you’re doing well. Xoxo”

He sends the text with an exhale, tossing his phone onto his bed. He doesn’t know why he thought you’d answer right away. It takes 3 days for him to get the message that you weren’t going to respond. And he couldn’t blame you. He’d been a dick the last few weeks of your relationship. But he couldn’t stop trying.

He prayed you lived in the same apartment. Buying your favorite flowers and meal, he was going to turn up at your door. Give you the gifts, and beg you to hear him out. If you didn’t, then he swore to himself he’d leave you alone forever.

Before he knew it he found himself standing outside your place.

—

You were sitting on the couch, laughing with Justin - your sort of friend but maybe more. The two of you had been enjoying a movie together; making ridiculous comments throughout.

You snort when he throws a piece of popcorn at your face and you attempt to catch it in your mouth, failing horribly.

“Nice try babe” he says sarcastically, tossing a piece into his own mouth. He stares at you, and you stare back.

“You look beautiful tonight, you always do” he compliments and your stomach flutters with butterflies.

“Thank you...” you whisper, scooting closer to him and he does the same. Your lips are only centimeters apart when you hear a knock on your door. You roll your eyes, of course.

“One second” you pat Justins leg before standing up to see who could possibly be at your door. You pull down the hoodie you were wearing and straighten out your hair a bit before yanking open your door.

You nearly pass out when you see who it is.

“Tom?!” you ask incredulously, absolutely not expecting to see him. You glance to Justin on your couch, then back to Tom in your doorway. Justin gave you butterflies. But Tom? He gave you the whole fucking zoo.

Your eyes scan over him, to someone who didn’t know him he looked good. Amazing even. He was even more built than the last time you’d seen him, and his hair had grown out. But you knew him. You noticed the bags under his eyes, and how oily his hair was. The slouch in his posture. You even noticed how chewed up his nails were. And then the flowers he held, and the take out bag of food from your favorite restaurant.

You try to ignore the way your heart throbs in your chest, and your brain is dreading where this was going.

It had taken you almost 3 months to be even remotely okay after you and Tom broke up. Finally going to the bar after your friends dragged you out. That’s when you met Justin, and had been seeing him ever since.

Now here Tom was, standing in front of you. And all you want to do is jump into his arms. But you hold it together, refusing to throw away all the time you spent trying to forget him. All the effort you’d put in with Justin. You couldn’t go back.

“Y/N...you look even more gorgeous than I remember” he says breathlessly and you shift awkwardly on your feet. “Thank you, you look nice too” you answer cooly.

Tom can’t take his eyes off you, studying every detail all over again. The way your hair fell around your pretty face, the way the hood of the sweater you were wearing sat perfectly on your neck....and then it hit him. You were wearing his pink hoodie.

“Is that my hoodie?” He asks dumbly and you didn’t even realize it either until he said it. You stammer for the right words to say when suddenly you feel an arm wrap around your waist.

“Everything okay babe?” Justin’s voice sounds, startling you from your Tom induced daze.

Tom stands up straighter at the sight of Justin next to you.

“Y/N can we please talk?” Tom asks and your eyes dart between the two men.

“Justin; can you give me a little bit? I’m so sorry I promise we’ll do something soon” you grab his hand and he gives you a small smile.

“No problem babe, I won’t be far. Call me if you need me” Justin answers sweetly pecking you on your lips before brushing past Tom.

You feel your whole body heat up, kissing another man in front of Tom... the person who a few short months ago you swore you’d marry and be with forever; it just felt wrong.

“Um, come in Tom” you gesture for him to enter, shutting the door behind him.

You feel tingly all over being alone with him and you wonder if not just slamming the door in his face was a mistake.

“What was that all about?” Tom asks and you know he’s talking about Justin. You roll your eyes, and just like that the shock of Tom being there is gone. You feel just like you did five months ago. On the verge of another argument with the brunette.

“He’s just a friend” you answer, sitting down on your couch. And Tom squints, “you kiss your friends on the lips now?”

You raise your eyebrows.

“Why are you here Tom?” You ask with a sigh and Tom takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry. I was just jealous” he admits and you cross your arms.

“You have no right to be jealous Tom. I’m single” you spit, remembering the worst night of your life and hearing him say those fateful words.

“I know; and that’s why I’m here” he responds, sitting next to you. “I brought these for you..” he raises the gifts in his hands before setting them on the coffee table.

“Thank you” you thank him curtly.

“I texted you...” Tom says slowly and you nod- “I saw”

When he texted you, you hoped he’d take the hint when you didn’t respond. Clearly you were wrong.

Tom sighs again before he starts talking.

“Y/N. Words cannot explain how sorry I am for how things ended between us. I’ve been up almost every night just wishing they were different. Wishing you were still mine....”

You stop him there.

You you already feel yourself ready to cry. Half of you had been dreaming about this moment, praying for it to happen. But the other half of you is stubborn.

“Tom you can’t do this. You broke up with me...and now you come back months later with some speech thinking I’m just going to take you back? You broke my heart. You wrecked me. I didn’t get out of bed for weeks after you. I cried until I ran out of tears. And you bring me flowers like that’s some sort of consolation for the pain you put me through?” You finish, voice wobbly by the time you make it to the end.

“Darling, I know no material thing could make up for the pain. Because trust me I felt it to. I still feel it. That’s why I’m here. But Y/N you’re my soulmate, I know that. I know that with every fiber of my being.” He pleads and you can’t stop the tears from falling now.

You’re so overwhelmed you don’t know what to do.

“I can’t do this Tom. I can’t, I’m sorry” you say, standing to walk away but he grabs you hand.

Tom holds your hand so tightly it almost hurts and your heart breaks when you see that he’s crying too. He drops to his knees in front of you.

“Baby if you don’t want to be with me, why’d you keep the pink hoodie? And I know about your secret brunch dates with my mum. Y/N part of you still wants this. Please, all I’m asking for is another chance” he begs and you throw your head back, a million thoughts running through your mind at once.

You know deep down that Tom is still the one. The love of your life. And you know that you’d NEVER forgive yourself if you didn’t try again with him.

You pull him to his feet, staring into his watery eyes.

“It can’t be like last time....” you whisper and Tom pulls you into a hug, squeezing you so tightly you can’t breathe.

“It won’t be darling, I promise” he whispers into your hair before pulling back to look at you again.

“I love you, Y/N” he mumbles, hands holding the sides of your face and you smile gently.

“I love you too, Tommy” you hum, and then he’s kissing you through your tears.

Like you were made for each other. And you were.

————

Ugh I almost feel like this isn’t angst enough but I tried, thank you so much for requesting!! I love you ❤️❤️❤️ THE 2K SLEEPOVER CELEBRATION IS STILL GOING ON!!

((Also does anyone know how to do the read more link from mobile pls and thanks😭))

[mochegato]

Hope on Board

Chapter 4 – Acing the Test by Not Preparing Properly    

Chapter 1     Chapter 3

“Are you under the impression the third test might give you a different result?” Adrien asked with a strained amusement.

“We’ve seen stranger things,” Marinette spared a glance from the test on the counter in front of her to glare at him.  “And if I was in any way lucky,” this time she glared at Tikki who shrunk away behind Adrien while Plagg cackled at her, “it would.”

She returned her attention to the test only to give an aggravated yell.  “Son of a bitch!”  She grabbed the edge of the bathroom counter to support her as she folded over gasping for breath.

Adrien nodded thoughtfully. “It might be.”

She turned her head to glare at him.  “Are you kidding me!  Really?” He gave her a sheepish shrug even as he grimaced.  She groaned and collapsed on the floor, leaning against the wall and pulling her knees into her chest.  The distant thought occurred to her that she wasn’t going to be able to do that for much longer.  She wasn’t going to be able to do a lot of things for much longer.  God, how could she be so stupid.  She pulled her hair in frustration.

She was just starting up her business.  She had just entered into a partnership that was supposed to last at least two years. How was she going to manage the project if she was throwing up and had to take months off to take care of the baby? What if there were complications? How was she going to take care of the baby?  How was she going to support a baby if her business failed?  But how was her business going to succeed if she was focusing on making sure her baby had the attention they deserved.

She was broken from her spiraling thoughts by a weight across her shoulders.  She turned her head, still letting it rest on her knees, to look at Adrien.  He reached over to wipe away the tears she only then realized she had been crying. “It’ll be okay, Bugaboo.  There are options if you don’t want the baby and if you do, there are options.”

She gave him a weak smile, keeping her head on her knees for a few more moments before switching to lay her head on his shoulder.  “How am I supposed to get my company up and running and raise a baby on my own?  It takes so much time, both of them.  I’m half a world away from my family and most of our friends, fresh out of school, starting a business, entering a new partnership, which might get reneged if I can’t fulfill the requirements, and all alone. How do I do this?”

Adrien hugged her closer. “You’re not alone, Princess.  I’ll be right by you every step of the way. Even when you tell your parents.”

She gave a halfhearted laugh. “Yeah, that’s going to be a bloodbath.”

Adrien rested his head on hers.  “No it won’t. Do you have any idea how excited your Dad is going to be about being a grandfather?  They’re going to be worried about you.  They’ll have the same concerns for you that you do.  They won’t be mad.”

“The father might be,” she hedged.

Adrien was silent for a moment.  “You’re going to tell him?”

“I think he deserves to know. This baby might have a loving family nearby.  I don’t want to take that away if it is available.”  Her voice was starting to get stronger.  This was a decision she could control.  She could control whether she invited the father to be a part of their lives.  She couldn’t control his answer, but she could control the ask.

“You’re not worried about the weapons?” Adrien asked carefully.

“I am.  But Tikki is right, it could be an innocent explanation. I owe it to him to have the chance to explain.”

Adrien nodded, determination settling in his eyes.  “Okay, we tell him.”

“We?” she asked with an amused smile.

“We,” he confirmed.  “I said you weren’t going to do this alone. I meant it.  I’ll be there to support you.  I’ll help you find him and stay nearby when you tell him, if you want me to.”  He squeezed her again.  “So, what do you remember about where he lives?”

“It had a kitchen with weapons, a living room with a comfortable couch, and a bedroom with a bed that didn’t squeak,” she deadpanned.

He shot her a playful glare. “You can’t remember anything?”

“I remember… it was a door in the middle of a long corridor of doors on a floor a few floors up in a building in Gotham.”

“Oh that’s helpful.”

“I don’t know!” She threw her hands up in exasperation.  “I was still drunk and panicked and swung away as Ladybug so I don’t even have stores I passed to go off of.”

“What do you remember, for real this time?”

She turned to stare at a point in the distance, trying to focus her mind and order her thoughts. What did she remember?  Not much.  She had flashes.  She remembered the feelings he stirred in her.  She smiled nostalgically as she described her memories.  “A smile, a touch, his eyes looking soft and sweet. The feeling of being watched out for, of being wanted, more than just physically.”

Adrien gave a long suffering sigh and collapsed his legs to the bathroom floor.  “Well that’s helpful to track him down.”

Marinette rolled her eyes and pushed him away.  “You asked what I remembered.  I didn’t even remember his name on my own.”  She groaned and hit her head against the wall behind her.  “Why did you let me go home with him?  You were supposed to be my voice of reason!”

“You said you were sure. You said it was cosmic intervention… I think.”  He rubbed his head as phantom pains returned.  “You remember more about that night than I do.”

She groaned again, this one taking a whinier tone than the previous groans.  “That was the sixth drink and eighth shot talking.”

“Well your eighth shot was very convincing to my ninth shot.”

“And how could I have not used a condom?  I couldn’t possibly have been that far gone that I didn’t demand protection.  Could he…” her body stilled, her mind froze as a horrifying thought occurred to her, “…could he have not used one?  And said he did?”

Adrien grimaced.  “Or he was drunk and thought he did.  Or thought you said not to.  Not that you did!  Just that he was really drunk and misinterpreted!” He rushed to add upon seeing her reaction to the suggestion.

“No, you used a condom,” Tikki offered quietly.  “Just not the whole time.”

Marinette’s head whipped to her.  “Okay, first, ew!  Why do you know that!  Were you watching?”

“No!” Tikki exclaimed indignantly.  “But voices carry, especially when they are very loud.” She gave Marinette a pointed look.

Marinette eyed her suspiciously but continued, “Second, what does that mean?”

Tikki sighed dejectedly. “It means you did stuff before you put it on.  And if you’re particularly lucky, that’s enough.”

“Oh my God,” Adrien muttered absentmindedly.

“Oh my God!” Marinette yelled, realization setting in.

“Yeah, I bet Tikki heard that a lot that night too,” Plagg cackled.

All three eyes shot to him in a glare that did nothing to diminish his laughter.

“You mean I’m pregnant because I’m Ladybug?  Because I was wearing the earrings?” Marinette whisper screeched.

“Not… entirely… but, it influenced it.  You’re the wielder of Creation.  It’s going to increase your chances of the right things happening in the right order to create life.  But you two are the ones who didn’t wear a condom for the whole act, allowing semen to be present and you two are the ones who gave each other multiple orgasms, which helped move the semen into the right position.  You very much could have gotten pregnant without any miraculous intervention.”

Marinette’s mouth hung open and her cheeks flushed in embarrassment.  “Multiple orgasms, huh?” Adrien asked waggling his eyebrows.

“Judging by the screaming, I’d say both of them were highly proficient,” Tikki nodded in confirmation.

“Oh my God,” Marinette whispered into her hands covering her face.  “This is a nightmare.  Not only am I pregnant, I have to hear this.  I cannot get a break.”

Adrien shrugged.  “It could be worse.  It could have been bad.”

“It doesn’t really matter if I couldn’t remember it,” Marinette pointed out.

“Yeah, but next time you’ll remember it,” he pointed out.

“If there is a next time,” Marinette sighed.

“There will be,” Adrien reassured her.  “It was cosmic intervention.  It will bring you back together again.”

Marinette shook her head and rested it on his shoulder with her eyes closed.  “I wish I was as optimistic as you.”

“It will all work out eventually.  Until then, you have commissions to finish before the gala, including your dress. You need to look impeccable so we can network for your company.”

Marinette groaned and dropped her legs to the ground.  “Can’t I just fall apart for one minute, please?”

“Nope.  You need to get back to work doing something you love and can focus on.  If it happens to be something that calms you as well?  Well that’s just good for you and the baby.  Come on,” he stood up and offered her his hand to help her up, “you start working and I’ll go out and get some pregnancy supplies for you.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I think you’re more excited about this than I am.”

“You’re going to have a baby! You have a little bug in the oven! If you don’t break it to your dad with a pun, he and I will be so disappointed,” he gave her a mock stern look before pulling her into a comforting embrace.  “You’re going to be ecstatic about this, too, once the shock wears off.  I know you and I know you’re going to be an amazing mom,” he whispered with a kiss to the top of her head.  “And I’m going to be the fun uncle that he, she, or they gets really excited to hang out with and takes them for ice cream and he comes to whenever she has problems they can’t go to you about.” He gave her an excited smile as he thought about the future.

“Now move.  The gala’s coming up in just a few weeks and you have a ton of work to finish and you’re going to be panicking about letting Tim down and you’re not going to be able to chug coffee and energy drinks anymore.”  

Marinette emitted a woeful, agonized moan that even the neighbors heard.

Chapter 5

Tags:

@dickinette-february @demonicbusiness

[hughiecampbelle]

Instinct (Bucky Barnes Oneshot)

((TFATWS SPOILERS))

Character/s: Bucky

Word Count: 1,110

Tag List: @dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt @myriadimagines @lilyswritings @encounterthepast @writerdream22 @brithedemonspawn @megnotfound @ladyeliot @locke-writes @thedarkqueenofavalon @fangirlsarah16 @randomfandomimagine @amirahiddleston @diana-westmoon @valkyrie-2312

A/N: I haven't written in over a month and I'm scared it shows 💔 I'm really unsure with writing lately, I thought about not posting this, but I feel like I owe it big time. This was supposed to be something different, but I can't say I hate the direction it took. There aren't any major spoilers, it just follows the general plot, but I figured better to be safe than sorry. I hope you like it, and that I'm not too "out of the game" or bad at this lol. Feedback is always appreciated.Thank you for being so patient with my break my loves, it means the world 💜💖💜

Summary: He wants to move on, you don't 💕

Gif Credit: @captain-james / link :)

FIC MASTERLISTS 1 -> 3 / WANNA BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST?

There is a static between you. One that is ruthless, hostile, sharp. It makes your gums bleed to describe it, tasting nothing but iron, bitterness, a resentment that is otherwise untouchable by any other creature. A hatred towards the mirror, towards your own skin and bone, your entire fucking existence. Catching his eyes, even for a second, is staring into the sun. Blinding. Aggressive. Burning, until every inch of you is set aflame, itching to turn and run, to tear apart, to scream. Scream until there is nothing of you left. A reminder of what was, what is, and what will never be. What neither of you can go back to, as fitting as the mold may seem, as secure as that title may be, as comforting as that role used to be, he refuses, and you follow along. Bury the body, he thinks that will make him someone new, someone worth everyone else's time. Do not flinch when they say your name, when they whisper every awful thing you did, when they tease you, leaving the door open, enough so for the light to peak through. An escape plan, you think. You hope. A way back to the life before, where your mind was someone else's, when the world was cruel and you were allowed to be cruel back. He does not see it that way, slamming that door shut, locking it from the outside, and swallowing the key.

One word, an invitation, that's all you need. The risk is great, but the urge is greater. Split yourself open. Self destruct. Skip the steps, skip what they insist is healing when all they do is rip open old wounds. Skip the apologies, the sob story, the introduction. The look in their eyes never flinches, no matter how many times you beg. Why bother? Return to what they wanted, needed, feel a certain belonging you could never get back walking into the civilian world.

Your footprints made of blood, a sticky red trail left wherever you go. That's what they see, and they don't bother hiding it. The disgust. The references you don't understand, too old to laugh, to sigh, to roll your eyes. The world moved on without you, spinning faster than you remember, and you are left to catch up. They have their lists, their paper and pencil, all the recommendations one could offer. It would be endearing, maybe, but you have nothing to offer. None of the energy to play catch up. None of the want. Time slips through your fingers, wasted, growing spoiled, mocking you. You have better things to do than watch a movie, more important things, things that filled you with purpose, no matter how sick.

You would have been disgusted. Horrified. Speechless. You would have hated yourself more than you already do. But you are older now, far more experienced, hardened by a life you never could have expected. Learned to want it, though. An animal secured by captivity does not know how to survive in the wild. You were never equipped to live like this: free. The knives, the guns, the special ways in which you read even the smallest of actions, turning people into pages, an open book for you to skim, before placing back on the shelf.

You adapted, grew to fit what they wanted, who they wanted, until you too loved what you were. Dangerous, powerful, unfeeling. The numb became a high to chase, unsatisfied by anything else. Where he mirrored a version of yourself you left in the past, you embraced this role. The damage was done. The bodies put to rest. None of which you could take back, nor make up for. He sought redemption. You wouldn't dare. It wasn't by your choice, that much you could admit, but you could feel it, from the fits bullet to the last, you were never meant to be anything else. As gruesome as you had been, uncaring, quick, but painful, you would be nothing else. Assassin. Killer. Murderer.

They say it like it's a bad thing.

The guilt eats you alive, chews you up and spits you out, shattering your very being as you wake, each night, from another nightmare. The aggression, the shame, all of it you share as fairly as you can, and yet, you wear it so differently, making you more distinct than you could ever explain. The only other person in the world who has seen you at your lowest, your highest, faced what you have, seen what you've seen, and you can't stand to look at him. Not for the wounds he sewed up, his eyes falling on your broken body, nor is the sobs, the pleas, the prayers he heard escape you in moments of desperation. Not because he knows the way you scream, your body used for their own gain, enveloped in a pain only the Devil can inflict, or because he has seen you shoot without a second of hesitation, moving forward before their body hits the ground. None of it, not even the things you care not to mention, to think about, nit even now. It's that he has become resistant, soft even.

He fights a fight he knows he cannot win. He draws the line between good and bad, hero and villain, as if there even is one, as if they are not the same in moments of desperation, of selfishness, or of great selflessness. That he thinks he can stop being what they made him, resisting the instincts they worked so hard to ingrain. You feel it, too. Turning off everything around you, picking apart the situation before it plays out. Footsteps, whispers, how many there are, where, how quickly they can get to you. A dance you know each step to, the two of you in sync. This time, no leader, no follower, but two soldiers taking orders. Without them, he thinks himself above who he used to be, who you used to be, what you were, but you know better.

You want nothing more than to slip back into old habits. That look, that stare, the wince he hides when they bring up his crimes, he wants the same. Step back, fall into old ways, let go until there is no one left to scorn you for what they put into your head.

Where they see Bucky, a man escaped, in remorse, righting his wrongs, you see The Winter Soldier, a friend, a weapon, an old accomplice. One of them, you respect, trusting with your life. The other, nothing more than a facade, a mask, a weakness, an act even he has tricked himself into believing.

[chicgeekgirl89]

Home is Us

Fandom: 911 Lone Star

Characters: Carlos Reyes, T.K. Strand, Owen Strand, Judd Ryder, Tommy Vega, Mateo Chavez

Summary: In the aftermath of the condo fire, Carlos and T.K. seek comfort in one another. Post ep for 2x12 "The Big Heat."

A/N: This is my rather belated post ep for 2x12. And it would not have happened without @bluenet13. Literally. I agonized over this SO MUCH and she listened to all my whining and didn't let me cut the part about Marlon Blendo so I owe her everything.

AO3

The night air was cool and still, the stars sparkling brightly in the sky, but the stench of smoke obliterated any sense of peace or calm. T.K. could feel Carlos’ hand gripping his shoulder with bruising force as they burst out the front doors and onto the lawn, both of them gasping and coughing.

Tommy came running toward them. “Are you all right?” she asked urgently, eyes and hands searching for damage. “Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m, I’m okay,” T.K. choked out. “Carlos?”

He shook his head, coughing violently. “I’m fine too.”

“T.K.!”

His dad came charging toward him, wrapping him up a fierce hug. “Oh my god,” he breathed into T.K.’s hair and then his other arm was pulling Carlos in too, squeezing them both with every bit of strength he had. “Are you boys all right?”

“We’re good, Dad,” T.K. said, even though he was shaking violently, adrenaline coursing through his veins so fast he felt lightheaded. “What the hell? How did you guys even know we were in trouble?”

“Raymond said something earlier today and I just put the pieces together,” Owen said. “I’m so sorry, I should have figured it out sooner.”

There were sirens screaming up now, ambulances and firetrucks, and Tommy put a hand on Owen’s shoulder. “Okay, there will be time to talk about this later. Right now all of you need to get checked out by the paramedics. No objections,” she said quickly when several mouths opened to protest. “A little oxygen never hurt anybody. Come on now.”

T.K. moved follow her and then realized Carlos wasn’t behind him. He turned to find his boyfriend still rooted to the spot, staring straight ahead at the burning building. “Babe?” T.K. reached for his arm.

Carlos startled at his touch and cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m coming.”

He was quiet as they sat on the back of the ambulance, answering questions with yes or no answers, eyes and body listless as they checked him over for injuries. T.K. had never seen his boyfriend look so small. 

They were both given oxygen and then Tommy reappeared, blankets in hand that she wrapped comfortingly around their shoulders, her mom tendencies coming out in full force. “Is everyone else all right?” T.K. asked, pushing his mask to the side.

“They’ve all got some first and second degree burns, but they’ll heal up all right. How are you two doing?”

“It could have been a lot worse,” T.K. said. 

“Carlos?” Tommy asked, her eyes softening and taking on a new level of concern.

He met her eyes and nodded. “I’m okay.”

She looked at him a moment longer and then reached out to give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “I’m going to go check on the guys. You two stay right here and do as you’re told, got it?”

It wasn’t long before the paramedics released them with instructions to take it easy, stay hydrated, and head to the emergency room if they experienced any concerning symptoms. T.K. was still in disbelief that they’d escaped so unharmed. It was nothing short of miraculous, if you believed in that kind of thing.

Carlos spoke as they walked away from the ambulance, his voice quiet. “I should uh, I should call my parents,” he said.

“Do you want me to do it?” T.K. asked.

Carlos shook his head, already pulling out his phone. “No. No it’s um, they should hear it from me.”

He dialed, taking a shaky breath as he waited for someone to pick up. “Hey Dad.”

The conversation was painful, even from T.K.’s end. He couldn’t make out Gabriel’s words through the phone, but he could hear the unbridled fear in his voice. Carlos on the other hand sounded almost monotone, relaying the story and pertinent information in painfully exact detail, but without an ounce of emotion behind it, slipping back and forth between English and Spanish as he explained.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard him sound so upset before,” Carlos said, when he hung up.

“Yeah.” T.K. looked at his boyfriend who seemed to be refusing to look back. “Carlos? How are you doing?” he finally asked. 

“I’m good,” Carlos said, eyes darting toward him and then away. It was clearly a brush off and they both knew it. So T.K. waited.

And then he watched as his boyfriend broke in front of him, anguish and fear spilling out like a wave until they were both clinging to one another as Carlos’ quiet sobs wracked his frame over and over again.

“Shh,” T.K. soothed, struggling to provide some kind of real comfort when he felt so raw himself. “Breathe. We’re okay. That’s all that matters.”

“I should have known, I should have made the alarm company come out today.”

“Carlos listen to me, none of this is your fault.” T.K. pulled him in tighter, desperate to do something to ease his pain.

“If I had just looked around, if we had waited ten more minutes to go upstairs—“

“We had no way of knowing.”

Carlos pulled back, still shaky. “You can’t really believe that. There’s always something. I should have done better.”

T.K. cupped his face in his hands. “Baby why are you beating yourself up over this so much?”

“Because I’m supposed to protect you!” Carlos said, the words coming out on a ragged sob. “That’s my job. To keep people safe. And when it came down to it I couldn’t protect you. The person I care about most in this world I couldn’t—”

T.K. used his thumbs to wipe away some of Carlos’ tears, clearing his throat, trying to keep his own tears at bay. “Listen to me. We’re a team, remember? We protect each other. You and me. Not just you.”

Carlos shook his head, face still contorted in misery. T.K. pulled him back in again and pressed a kiss to his hair. “It’s okay to be upset. But you cannot blame yourself for this. This was not your fault, do you hear me?”

Carlos nodded against his shoulder, but T.K. wasn’t completely convinced his words had gotten through.

Carlos took a shuddering breath and stepped away, wiping at his eyes and T.K. watched the wall go back up; the one Carlos had carefully constructed around him that meant he was always completely even-tempered and never out of control. “We should uh, we should go check on your dad and everybody. Tell them thank you.”

“Yeah, sure,” T.K. said, feeling like he probably should be saying something more, but unable to find the words.

Carlos was already moving toward the group gathered at the back of the ambulance and T.K. had no choice but to follow him. “You guys all right?” T.K. asked as Judd pulled him in for a side hug.

“We’re just glad you’re both okay,” Judd told him. “Everything check out with the paramedics?”

“We both ate a little bit of smoke, but we’re okay,” T.K. said. “Honestly though,” he swallowed hard, “we probably wouldn’t be here without you guys. So thank you.”

“You’re just lucky your dad drives so fast. I didn’t know he had it in him, what with him being such a city slicker,” Billy said with a chuckle.

“My driving is impeccable and I always drive the exact speed limit. Except in emergency situations,” Owen said, casting a look at Carlos.

Carlos managed to scrounge up half a smile but didn’t say anything.

A truck came screeching to a stop just behind the ambulance and Gabriel Reyes jumped out. The man looked truly shaken, eyes wild as he ran toward them. “Carlos! Mijo are you all right?”

“I’m okay Dad,” Carlos told him as they hugged.

“Gracias a Dios. You’re all okay?” Gabriel asked, looking around the group.

“We got out just in time,” Owen said. “Minor injuries only.”

“Which is more than we can say for the condo,” Judd said. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t do more Carlos, he had that place rigged up good.”

Carlos shook his head. “You did everything you could and we’re…” he swallowed hard and T.K. could tell he was blinking back more tears, “we’re very grateful.”

“Have they taken your statements yet?” Gabriel asked. 

“Yeah, about half an hour ago,” T.K. said. Officers had come around while they were still sitting at the back of the ambulance and written down what little they knew. Nothing like telling complete strangers that you hadn’t realized your house was burning down around you because you were upstairs having sex with your boyfriend. 

“Then there’s no reason you need to be standing around here,” Gabriel said. “You know the ranch is open to you both. Your mother is worried sick, she would be very happy to have you.” He turned to look at Owen. “But perhaps you would rather be closer to work? The ranch is a bit of a drive.”

“Well of course you’re welcome to stay at my place,” Owen said. “There’s plenty of space and Buttercup would love to have you around. But I’m sure Andrea wants you close to her.”

Gabriel shook his head. “I think they’re better off here in town. Andrea will understand. There will be a lot of paperwork to deal with in the coming days, they need to be readily available.”

“Well of course, but I’m not sure how much I can provide in the way of hospitality right now. The investigators didn’t really clean things up when they left,” Owen said meaningfully.

“Not a problem,” Gabriel said, taking out his phone. “I can have a crew there in the morning. It should never have taken this long in the first place. You know sometimes they drag their feet on these things.”

“Oh it’s no problem,” Owen said, waving him off. “Worth it in the end.” 

The dads debated a while longer before they decided an exhausted T.K. and Carlos would stay with Owen for the time being to be closer to work and to their former condo for whatever overhaul was necessary. By that point neither of them really cared where they ended up as long as there was a shower and a bed waiting for them. 

Owen elected to stay at the scene with Gabriel so Judd drove Carlos and T.K. home. Neither of them said much, still in a state of shock and Judd was mindful enough not to try and fill the truck with conversation.

The house was dark, Mateo asleep for the night. Buttercup looked up as they came in and gave half a tail wag before settling back down again.

“I think I left a couple sweatshirts and pairs of pants here,” T.K. said, searching through the drawers in his dad’s guest room. 

“Mmhmm,” Carlos said. He’d sunk onto the end of the bed and was staring blankly at the wall. 

“Hey,” T.K. stopped his search and went to him, cupping his face in his hands. “Why don’t you go get in the shower? I’ll find us something to change into and bring it to you.”

Carlos nodded tiredly and disappeared down the hall. T.K. stood for a moment chewing on his lip. He felt lost, adrift, trying to process and deal with his own feelings of grief and stomach churning worry, and Carlos seemed miles away. T.K. didn’t know what to do except to try and meet his physical needs.

He managed to scrounge up a pair of sweats and a t-shirt he thought would do the job. They might be a little tight, but at least Carlos wouldn’t be sleeping in the stench of his smoky clothes.

T.K. knocked softly on the bathroom door before stepping inside and putting the clothes on the counter. “You all right?” he asked.

Carlos sniffed and cleared his throat. “Yeah. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

T.K. gathered up Carlos’ soiled clothes from the floor and dumped them into the washer, intending to add his after he had his own shower. He heard the water turn off and a minute later the bathroom door opened. “I’m done,” Carlos called softly down the hall.

“I’ll be quick,” T.K. said, switching places with him. 

The water felt good and he watched as soot and sweat and ash slithered down the drain. He took longer than he meant to, almost lulled to sleep by the soothing pound of the water against his back. Eventually it grew cool and he turned it off, stepping out to try and squeeze into a pair of sweatpants that belonged to his dad and a t-shirt he didn’t recognize but had found in the clean laundry.

T.K. left the bathroom still toweling off his hair. He crept quietly toward the guest room; Buttercup didn’t even move as he stepped over him in the hallway. Opening the door he winced when it squeaked, fully expecting to find Carlos completely sacked out in the bed, more than ready to join his boyfriend in blissful sleep.

Instead he found the room empty and a spiral of fear shot through him so fast it took his breath away. “Carlos?” he whispered, as if the man would suddenly materialize from a dark corner or the tiny closet. 

When there was no answer he turned and went back the way he’d come, stepping over Buttercup again, searching the kitchen and the living room before he made his way to the back patio. “Hey,” he said softly when he spotted Carlos sitting on the edge of the outdoor sofa.

Carlos didn’t respond and T.K. felt his worry grow heavier. “Carlos?”

His boyfriend’s shoulders hitched slightly and T.K. walked around the patio furniture to find him hunched over, tears streaming down his face. “Oh baby,” T.K. said, dropping to his knees, hands frantically reaching for him. 

“I’m sorry,” Carlos said hoarsely. “I just…I can’t…I’m trying to pull it together but—”

T.K. slipped onto the couch next to him and pulled him into his arms. “You don’t have to be okay,” he whispered, his own throat thick with emotion. “No one expects that of you.”

Carlos’ voice was hoarse and broken. “I’ve never needed saving before. Not like that.”

“Most people don’t,” T.K. said.

Carlos looked at him, eyes red and swollen. “You were amazing in there. I was…I was panicking and you knew exactly what to do.”

“You’re a police officer,” T.K. said, resting his head on top of Carlos’. “I wouldn’t expect you to know what to do in a five alarm fire. Just like you wouldn’t expect me to know what to do in a shootout.”

Carlos sighed and leaned into him. T.K. bent over and kissed his forehead. “We should try and get some sleep.”

Carlos shook his head again. “I can’t,” he said hoarsely. “I just keep thinking about it over and over again. I’m sorry I’m such a mess—“

“Hey, you don’t need to apologize. Everything you’re feeling is totally normal.”

Carlos swallowed hard. “I know it was just a house. But it was mine. It was the first place I felt like I could be myself. And then you came and it was our home and I—“ Carlos bit his lip and shook his head. “It’s all gone.”

“But I’m not,” T.K. said twining their hands together. “I’m right here. You’ve got me. And I don’t care where we are as long as we’re together. Home is us.” He stroked his thumb up and down on Carlos’ shoulder.

His face sobered as he took a really good, long look at Carlos. Exhaustion and fear still radiated off of him. He looked defeated. Empty. “Let’s at least try to get some sleep,” T.K. said softly, brushing a still-damp, curl from Carlos’ forehead. “We’ll figure things out in the morning.”

He pulled Carlos to his feet and they walked hand in hand back to the guest room. Carlos looked at the clock as he got into bed and groaned. “I have a shift in five hours.”

“You’re not going to work today.” T.K. told him. “They’ll understand.”

Carlos slid down the bed onto his side, leaning up on his elbow, his free hand finding a home on T.K.’s hip. “I meant what I said before. You were incredible tonight T.K. You saved us.”

“I’m pretty sure my dad, Billy, and Judd saved us,” T.K. told him.

Carlos shook his head. “I’m serious. If you hadn’t been there—“

“But I was,” T.K. said firmly. “I was and we’re fine. We’re…going to be fine,” he amended, because god knew there was nothing fine about them right now.

Carlos was quiet for a moment and then laid down all the way so they were face to face. T.K. shifted so they were even closer, needing to feel the warmth of Carlos against his own body. “I don’t think I can sleep,” Carlos said.

“Then we’ll just lie here together,” T.K. told him softly. 

They locked eyes, both of them breathing together in the silence, just being together, holding on a little tighter than normal. “I can’t stop seeing it,” Carlos finally whispered. “I was so scared T.K. What if I’d lost you?”

“You didn’t,” T.K. said softly. He leaned in and pressed a tender, reassuring kiss to Carlos’ lips. Carlos didn’t respond so T.K. nudged him gently with his nose and then kissed him again.

It was slow at first, Carlos still drowning so deeply in loss and anxiety, but as T.K. continued to silently encourage him he began to reciprocate. First just one kiss, and then another, this one a little deeper, until they were completely pressed up against each other, hands searching for bare skin, shared breath moving between parted lips. 

Things grew heated and T.K. could feel the increasing desperation in Carlos’ kisses so he smoothed a hand soothingly down his spine, pulling back from him just a little bit, forcing him to slow down. “It’s okay,” he murmured as their lips broke apart and came back together. “I’m right here.”

Carlos responded by matching T.K.’s slower kisses, following him rather than leading.

T.K. reached between them and slowly undid the drawstring on his boyfriend’s sweatpants. Carlos broke off the kiss. “Are you sure?”

T.K. nodded, moving his hands underneath Carlos’ shirt, helping him pull it off over his head. They both needed this, to touch, to feel, to reassure themselves that they were alive, that this might have changed their night, but it hadn’t change them. 

Carlos started to roll on top of him, but T.K. gently pushed him back down until he was the one on top, chests and hips pressed together, a reversal of their positions from just hours before. Carlos’ hands landed on T.K.’s back, their eyes locking, both of them seeking comfort in the physicality of being together.

“We’re okay,” T.K. said, as much for himself as for Carlos.

Carlos nodded and then closed his eyes as T.K. began pressing kisses into his neck and chest. “We’re okay,” T.K. murmured soothingly every time his lips left Carlos’ skin. “I’m going to say it until you believe it. We’re okay. We will be okay together.”

                                           XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

T.K. woke up in the morning legs still tangled with Carlos’. It took him a moment to remember why he had a pounding headache and his muscles felt tight. Right. Burning condo. Smoke inhalation. Mad dash for their lives.

Carlos was still deeply asleep, for which T.K. was grateful. His boyfriend had drifted off in his arms somewhere around three am and T.K. had quickly followed. He managed to extricate himself without waking Carlos and pulled on some clothes before he headed out to the kitchen in search of painkillers. 

Sun was just filtering in the windows, the day already bright and clear. It was incredible how the world could continue to turn, even when everything had just crashed down around you. T.K. found some Advil, leaving it out on the counter, knowing it was likely that Carlos would be in need of some too. Then he moved their now clean, damp clothes from the washer to the dryer. They’d need to go out today and get some essentials. 

“T.K.?” Mateo asked in surprise as he appeared at the base of the stairs.  “I thought you and Carlos made up?” He paused and frowned in confusion. “Is that my shirt?”

T.K. sighed and launched into an edited version of the night’s events. “Dude,” Mateo said when he finished, a stunned look on his face. “Man that sucks. I’m glad you guys are all right.”

“Yeah, us too,” T.K. said.

“And listen, my house just totally blew up too. It was a rental, so not quite the same, but if you guys need help with any part of this process just let me know. You can borrow my car or laptop or whatever you need.”

“Thanks Mateo,” T.K. said gratefully.

There were footsteps on the stairs and Carlos appeared, eyes bleary and swollen, curls a disheveled mess. There was still a heaviness about him, but he looked better than the night before.

“Hey,” he said, wrapping an arm around T.K.’s waist and giving him a kiss, lingering slightly longer than their normal morning peck. “Hi Mateo.”

“Hey Carlos. T.K. told me about your place, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s definitely not ideal,” Carlos said with a sigh.

“Did you sleep okay?” T.K. asked.

Carlos nodded, then winced. T.K. reached for the bottle of Advil and poured him a glass of water. “Thanks,” Carlos said, swallowing down two pills.

“Did you call your captain?” T.K. asked as Mateo grabbed a protein bar and vacated the kitchen to give them some privacy.

“Yeah he’d already heard. Told me to take the time I need.”

“Good,” T.K. said.

The dryer buzzed. “That’s our clothes,” T.K. said, getting up to retrieve them. “At least you can put on a shirt that fits.”

He tossed Carlos his shirt and pants. Carlos stared down at them, a frown on his face. “You okay?” T.K. asked.

“Why did you throw a shirt at me?”

“What?”

“Last night. We were about to be burned alive and you made me put a shirt on.”

“Oh,” T.K. thought for a second and shrugged as he folded his sweatpants and set them on top of the dryer. “I don’t know. I guess I just…panicked. I was thinking that the temperature drops here at night and I didn’t want you to be cold when we got outside.”

“Our condo was hot as hell, but you were worried I’d be cold?”

T.K. bit his lip and shook his head, a sheepish smile growing on his face. “I don’t know, like I said I panicked. It was the first thought that came to me.”

“Well it was a good one,” Carlos said, slipping his arms around T.K.’s waist. “Standing out there all night with no shirt on would have been pretty uncomfortable.”

T.K. threaded his arms through Carlos’, hands coming to rest on his lower back. “You doing okay this morning?” he asked.

“Better,” Carlos confirmed. “Thank you. I think I just…needed to let it all out. I’m sorry about last night. My head was…”

“Hey,” T.K. shook his head. “No more apologies. No one has anything to apologize for, right?” He brushed a hand over Carlos’ cheek. “Do you want coffee? Or a smoothie?” His eyes went wide as a thought hit him. “Oh no!”

“What? What’s wrong?” Carlos asked, concern dropping over his face like a cloud. T.K.’s distress was so sudden and visceral that he pulled back slightly, eyes searching T.K.’s frame for some kind of injury.

T.K. felt his chest growing tight as anxiety gripped him. “Marlon Blendo! Oh my god, my dad is going to be so upset!”

“Whoa.” Carlos cupped his face in his hands. “I’m sure your dad will be okay. Blenders are replaceable.”

“Carlos he really loved that blender,” T.K. said seriously. 

Carlos chuckled. “Here I am, wondering all night long how we’re going to get through this and how you can be so calm when the world has literally gone up in flames, and now you’re losing it over a blender.”

“He was a really good blender!” T.K. pulled away from him and ran a hand through his hair as he took a few aimless steps, more thoughts striking him. “Oh my god my hoodies!”

“I will buy you new hoodies,” Carlos assured him.

“They won’t be the same,” T.K. groaned.

“Is this you finally freaking out?”

“I am not freaking out!” T.K.’s breathing had increased rapidly as panic spiraled through him. The sense of calm control he’d felt for the past twelve hours slowly started to slip away as reality set in. “Oh my god I’m totally freaking out. I can’t freak out, you’re freaking out! We can’t both be freaking out!”

“Hey,” Carlos cradled his face in his hand. “We’re okay? Remember? And if you need to freak out and lose it, that’s all right. It’s your turn. I’ll pull it together for a couple hours and you can melt down.”

“I don’t want to melt down, I want my shirt with the blue stripes on it. And that bergamot candle your parents gave us as a housewarming gift. Oh my god, Carlos all your spices from the market!”

“Come here,” Carlos said, pulling him into a hug, one hand holding him firmly around the waist, the other settling on the nape of his neck, thumb moving back and forth in a soothing motion.

T.K. let his forehead rest against Carlos’ shoulder, feeling more grounded by the strength of his boyfriend’s arms and the softness of his fingers. “Thanks,” he mumbled. 

T.K. took a breath as the weight of everything began to land on his shoulders. Losing their home. Almost losing each other. God, how was he only now feeling how terrible it all was? He’d truly thought he was okay until this very second. “We’re going to make it through this, right?” he asked. He’d been so sure last night, but now…

Carlos pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “Yes. We are.”

                                       XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N: When I started writing this, did I think it would end up in the boys having soft, sweet "we're so glad we're not dead" sex in Owen's guest room? Nope. No I did not. Is it all @bluenet13's fault that it happened? Possibly. Or possibly they're just too sexy and they couldn't help it. Idk.

[storysofmyown]

Because I'm still hung up on the paws and claws event, could you make a headcanon of if the Mc turned into an animal like a week after, and since they're human they go somewhat feral?

Of course my dear!! Since you didn't specify what kind of animal the Mc must be i decided to make them a cat as well, hope that is okay with you!

It had been a couple of days since the brothers finally were able to get out of their animal forms. It had been hard at first to deal with it but in the end all of them were able to get their animal instinct under control up until Luke finally was able to get the syrup that was going to cure them and the boys were finally back to normal, to Lucifer’s relief...but of course that couldn't last.

The seven demons and their human companion were eating lunch, everyone was talking and laughing except from Belphegor who was napping, his head resting in the table as Beel had moved his plate to take care of it. Mammon was arguing with Leviathan about some money he had borrowed from the demon and had yet to return when he turned to Mc to complain.

“Can you believe this?! Its only been like 500 years since i asked to borrow the money, jeez give a demon time to make the money bac-” Mammon stopped amidst his rambling when he noticed the human had stopped eating all of a sudden and had a weird expression on their face. “Yo, whats up with you?” Mammon asked, trying to keep his nonchalant attitude but worry evident in his voice.

“...nothing, i just feel weird.” Mc says, a small voice as they try to get up from their sit, only to groan and grab onto the chair the feeling taking over them.

“Mc?” Beel asks, worry in his voice as he moves to the human sides to make sure they were okay. What Beel wasn't expecting, was for Mc to jump at his touch, hiss and run several steps away from him.

Beel looked at Mc, now more confused than ever, only to see Mc with a tail and cat ears.

“What the-” Mammon tried to say only to be cut off by Asmodeus

“OH MY ME!” Asmo coos, walking over at Mc as he squeals. “You look adorable!” His voice is high pitched as he tries to pet Mc only for them to hiss at him as well, making Asmodeus take his arm back fast and glaring at Mc. “No! Bad kitty! Bad kitty!”

“What happened to them?” Leviathan ask, looking at Lucifer who already looks down with the whole situation.

“It appears they have transformed into some sort of feline.” Satan states, a curious smirk in his lips as he approaches both Asmodeus and Mc.

“No shit Sherlock, i think we can see that!” Mammon glares at the blond before looking back at Lucifer. “So?!”

“It seems like our dear human was affected by the syrup that transformed us all into animals.”

“The one that Luke put in that cake?” Belphegor asks, still from his sit as he watches the situation from afar. Lucifer only hums in return at Belphegors questions before a sigh leaves his lips.

“Wait, but that thing was over a week ago!”

“Why is it affecting them now?” Beel finishes off Mammons question as his eyes fall on the human again, who moved away from the seven demons and was looking at some curtains...for some reason.

“They are human, their body its not going to react the same as a demons body does when exposed to celestial elements. In them the effect took longer to manifest.” Satan says, a hand on his chin as he thinks about it, wondering if this means that the “cure” would also take longer to fight off the effects of the syrup.

“Either way, we should keep an eye on them- MC!” Lucifer yells, once out of the corner of his eye he sees them jump and with their long claws start sharpening them on the curtains. “Stop that now!” Lucifer moves close to Mc, only for the human to notice them and hiss at him just like they had done with Beel and Asmodeus.

“They just hissed at Lucifer!” Leviathan gasps, his eyes jumping from the human to his older brother.

“yes, i am well aware of that” Lucifer glares at Mc, making the human-cat to hiss again, before running off.

“Oi! Were do ya think you are going?!” Mammon screams, running behind Mc as he tries to catch up to them. 

The rest of the brothers look between each other before hearing a hiss once again followed by Mammon yelping and then groaning in pain.

“What the hell was that?!” Asomodeus screams at Mammon.

“They fucking scratched me, that’s what it was!” Mammon comes back in, a scratch its visible in his cheek as he held it.

“Lool!”

“Stop laughing you damn otaku”

“Im just glad that didn't happen to me! Imagine if my beautiful face got a single scratch on it! I would die.

“No, you wouldn't” Belphegor yawns. “Who is going to go after them?”

“...they hissed at me” Beel looks sad for a moment.

“Naturally, they felt threatened for a moment and reacted accordingly.” Satan explained rapidly.

“Oi! Who do ya think you are? A cat whisperer or something like that?” Before Satan can respond, there can be heard a vase falling from upstairs, making Lucifer groan.

“Someone needs to get them under control before they destroy the whole house”

“I have an idea!” Asmodeus cheers.

“...”

Several minutes later

“This is a terrible idea” Lucifer rubs his head as he looks at Asmodeus, who was a expensive bottle of perfume in his hands, as the seven stand in front of the door, watching Mc who was sharpening their claws on the bed.

“It will work! Mc simply cannot resist to my fragrance” Asmo smirks, entering the room and approaching mc slowly. 

“This is going to end badly” Beel looks at Mc who is already aware of Asmodeus presence.

“I know...i cant wait” Levi has his phone out, already recording the whole thing.

“...send me that video, we can make so much money with” Mammon smirks, just in time for Mc to try and attack Asmodeus, the bottle of perfume shattering in the ground as Asmodeus yelps and runs away from the angry Mc.

“Lucifer! Mc is a meany” Asmodeus cries as he hugs Lucifer, making the oldest demon sigh.

“...any other ideas?”

And so, the others tried to gain cat Mc’s trust one by one. Beel tried to approach them with some food...which he end up eating making Mc dejected, Belphie tried to make them go to sleep by giving them his pillow...the worsts decision he would have taken, the pillow was now destroyed and Belphie had a permanent scowl painted in his features. Leviathan was able to get kind of close but his phone went off, making Mc jump, hiss and bite him. (Which Mammon secretly got on tape). talking about Mammon, he tried to give Mc some catnip against Satans advice, which only made the human become even more energetic and ran trough all of the possible surfaces in the room, knocking everything over.Finally, Satan pushed trough and sat in front of the Mc, who only looked at him.

“What are you doing?” Asmodeus asked.

“Shut up” Satan said, only to proceed and take out his D.D.D and start playing with it, everyone looked on curiously, wondering what Satan was doing, until Mc started to scoot closer. After mc was at a close proximity, Satan lifted his hand slowly and brought it to them, Mc looked curiously before start to rub their head against Satans hand, who proceeded to pet them.

“How?!” Mammon complained as he glared at Satan.

“Cats are naturally curious creatures” Satan said, as if that explained every and all questions his brothers had.

“I don’t care about the logic behind all this, just give them the damn cure and someone please clean up the room” Lucifer groaned, before leaving and going to his room to try and relax finally...if you call relaxing the three mountains of paperwork that awaited him.

Satan proceeding to do so, and his theory proved to be right, for the “cure” took another week to work on Mc, making the demons desperate as they just wanted to pet the human-cat but at some point they ended up just getting scratched. At the end, Mc owed Lucifer more than5,000 grimm worth of damages their claws had done during that sole week.

I really hope this was what you were expecting and that you liked it! Thank you so much for sending me this ask, it was so much fun! ^w^

[fearofffear]

show me the places where the others gave you scars

A/N: soo...hi. i’ve never posted a fanfic about choices but sadly, given the circunstances... i did this to wash the bad taste off my mouth after ch. 8. so my mc gets blamed, he gets screamed at and humilliated, but ethan is the one who gets all pissy and for what? he fucked up, he shouldn't be mad. but my mc who was innocent gets the worst end of the stick? and worst HE has to console this mf? screw that. i'm writing my own version of oph. anyways, i didn't want the bondage outfit for a scene with jackie, i wanted my mc to come home to jackie and TALK y'know. so that's exactly what i wrote. congrats pb, i promised myself i was never going to write again yet here i am. hope you enjoy!

pairing: jackie varma x m!mc (george valentine)

rating: t (some cursing, nothing too heavy)

summary: George feels crushed and angry after the showdown at the hospital, luckily for him, Jackie offers him a shoulder to cry on.

The sound of a slamming door pulls Jackie out of her concentration as she looks up from her stack of papers on the table to the front door. She leaves the pencil next to them as George walks in, and he looks like he’s about to explode.

“Heey...what happened?” George drops himself on the couch, burying his face on his hands. She raises an eyebrow when he doesn’t answer.

She stands up, leaving her paperwork behind (she can finish it later) and sits gently next to him, putting a reassuring hand on his knee. As George finally lifts his head, Jackie feels a sudden rush of anger and worry at the sight of his red nose and red trimmed eyes.

“George what…”

“They don’t trust me.” He says, sniffling softly as he toys with the end of his shirt. His eyes far away as Jackie leans closer, her eyes worriedly searching his face.

“Who? George please talk to me.” She tries her best to keep the desperation out of her voice, but her eyes betray her.

George sees the worry in her eyes and shakes his head, offering her a sad smile. “Harper...and it’s all Ethan’s fault.” He finishes with clenched teeth, the sadness in his eyes replaced by a raging fire. “He not only risked Elijah’s hard work…” Jackie raises her eyebrows at that. “But also refused to tell the entire team which led to Harper believing I was the one who who did it ”

“I’m sorry George, but i’m not understanding what you’re talking about.” She raises her hand from his knee to his cheek, softly stroking it with her thumb.

So he explains everything, from Elijah’s research, to Michael’s disease, to Ethan putting Michael in the human trials for the drug behind everyone’s back, and Jackie resists the urge to roll her eyes, because of course Ethan Ramsey didn’t care about the consequences of his actions.

“So you told me they don’t trust you, why?” She feels angry, because even if it was stupid, whatever happened made George miserable and while she feels the need to punch someone on the face she also wishes to take George in her arms and hold him until he feels better.

“Harper came in this evening, pointing her finger at me because she found out about Michael being in the human trials for Elijah’s drug, which is illegal by the way, and of course if there was someone to blame...it was me.” Jackie shakes her head, she cannot believe Harper would immediately blame George, especially since he has been nothing but friendly to her. But at the same time, a small part of her brain tells her that Harper isn’t George’s friend, she doesn’t know him, and she did the best with the facts she had. “And Tobias actually defended me, but it wasn’t enough, she kept going on and on saying about how it was obvious that it was me, because of the whole Ms. Martinez thing.” She clenches her eyes shut, because she knows how sensitive George gets about that.

“I tried to defend myself, but it was too late, without any evidence Harper ratted me out to Naveen.” Jackie feels her heart drop and a cold chill run down her spine, because there’s no way this is happening again. George can’t risk losing his licence again. She won’t allow it again.

“Thankfully, Ethan came in and heard everything. He told Harper that it was him, and that i had nothing to do with it, so if anyone was going down, it was him.” Despite her current anger, she lets out a small sigh of relief, she was ready to go deck Ethan if he didn’t take action and let George take the fall, but since he didn’t, the punching could wait.

“So, what happens now?”

“Ethan will probably be suspended, put on trial and…”

“And?”

“And the team will fall to either Tobias or Harper.” George reaches a hand and Jackie takes it, his fingers interlacing strongly with hers.

“But i don’t care about that. I care about the fact that Harper was so determined about how i was guilty…” There’s a small edge to his voice, most likely upset. “She told me she admired me, y’know? A couple of days ago.” He laughs dryly, no humor to it. “What a load of bull.”

“I get that you’re mad, you have every right to be, but she doesn’t owe anything to you, and neither do you.” Jackie speaks strongly, meeting his eyes fiercely. She squeezes his hand in hers. “You’re an amazing doctor, she doesn’t get to take that away from you.”

George smiles, perhaps for the first time he arrived, a true genuine smile that reaches his eyes, and raises her hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss. “You’re the amazing one, you know that right?”

Jackie smiles bashfully. “Dumbass, I'm already sleeping with you, you don’t have to try to get into my pants.”

“I know, and i don’t wanna take that for granted.” He reaches and grabs her chin softly, bringing her lips to his for a kiss. Jackie smiles against his mouth, placing a hand on his neck.

After a moment, he breaks the kiss and rubs his thumb close to her lips, staring at her eyes intensely. “Look, I know you care about your co-workers, it’s perhaps your biggest flaw.” She says, never breaking eye contact. “You want everyone to get along but sadly, not everyone will trust you. And you don’t have to put so much faith unto others.”

George sighs, and lowers his eyes. But Jackie places her other hand on his cheek and forces his eyes to meet hers. “You have an amazing heart George, and even though this gets you in trouble, you wouldn’t be the George I love if you didn’t have it.” There’s a hidden message there but both of them know they aren’t ready for those three little words yet. So it remains unspoken.

He smiles stupidly, reaching to put a strand of hair behind her ear. “You give amazing pep talks, I think being Chief Resident has made you soft.”

Jackie rolls her eyes, slapping a hand to his shoulder as he laughs. “Shut up.”

George's eyes move from her to the stack of papers behind them and his mouth opens in surprise. “You were working? I’m sorry i didn’t mean to interrupt”

“It’s okay, I was bored and I needed a break. But now i need to return to it.”

He kisses her cheek and stands up. “Okay, don’t let me hold you.” He says with a small smile, turning to leave and it’s kind of annoying, Jackie thinks, how she can’t stop smiling when he’s around, she didn’t use to be this soft, but George always brings out this side of her.

“Before you leave…” George turns around, his eyes finding hers immediately. “Are you okay?” Jackie asks worriedly, her eyebrows pinched together.

“Better than okay. Thank you for helping me.” He says with a soft voice, reaching down to kiss her forehead, and Jackie can feel her cheeks flush, but she doesn’t say anything, she just rolls her eyes and watches him leave, her heart feeling fuller and weightless at the same time. She stands with a wistful sigh, walking over to finish her work.

Meanwhile, in his room, George closes the door behind him and his eyes find the picture he has on his mirror. A picture of him and Jackie, taken on the day of the baseball match past year. They both have a beer in their hands, her arm slinged around his shoulders as she laughs at something he said, her head thrown back and her face scrunched up adorably, while George looks enthralled at her, his eyes and smile soft as he stares at her, an arm around her waist.

Sienna took that picture (right before it all went to shit) and he remembers how she came to him and showed him the picture, she kept awwing, saying how cute they both looked. At the end of the day she sent it to him, and despite Jackie not knowing about it, he printed the photo and it has been on his mirror ever since. Of course Jackie saw it (she’s been in his room enough times) and he remembers her nodding her head at the picture, mumbling something along the lines of ‘looks good’ but right before he could answer, she kissed him sensless, the photo the last thing on his mind, and she never mentioned it again, and never asked for George to put it down, so he guessed she liked it.

As he looks at the picture he comes to the realization that no matter what happens next, he’ll be okay, as long as he has her by his side, he can get through anything.