#I just wrote the ramble warning thank GOD I had a character limit

[jerzwriter]

Delaying the Inevitable - Chapter 21 Almost...

Book: Open Heart 3 (Post Series)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC Tobias Carrick x MC

Rating: Chapter: Teen

Summary: Extended Series WIP – Love Triangle. In this chapter: Ethan, Casey & Tobias must face each other at work again; Ethan has a heart to heart with Naveen; Festive preparations begin; Casey makes a discovery; Casey and Tobias….

Category: Extended Series (WIP)

Warnings: Language (I’m sure at some point… it’s me)

A/N: Shorter chapter (well, for me). I had to break the original chapter into two parts due to time constraints, plus I it was just becoming too long. So last week's Sunday Six will be in next week’s chapter. Also, "To Make You Feel My Love" will not play into this chapter, but the next. Next week will be on schedule (maybe even a little early.) Since the new chapter wasn't out yet, I did not do a Sunday Six, but I will get a sneak peek for the next chapter to you by Wednesday, the latest.

A/N 2: Ethan fans should be happy; he is coming around. But it’s a journey, don’t expect miracles… although, the season of miracles is fast approaching in the story. 🤔Which leads me to – Christmas. This chapter (and the next) will have a lot of Christmas themes. Please note it is only being celebrated in a secular fashion that is consistent with traditions in Boston/US.

A/N 3: This note remains: A reminder, it’s a triangle folks. That means more than one love interest.

A/N 4: Totally not necessary to listen, but as I wrote some of the parts for Casey & Tobias, I could not get this song out of my head, so I thought I'd share it with you. There are many versions, but this is one of my favorites: This Christmas. I hope you enjoy!

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS

If you wish to be added or removed from tags, please let me know. Comments and reblogs always appreciated. 😊

Tobias grumbled as he opened his eyes, awake much earlier than he intended. Why did he keep putting this off? That one damn strip of curtain hadn’t closed right since he moved in. It constantly let the early morning sunlight in, interrupting his already limited sleep. No more excuses, this weekend, he was doing something to fix it. He was about to swing his legs off the bed and attempt to close it when soft mumbling from the other side of his bed reminded him that he was not alone. A bright grin spread across his face, and, suddenly, neither the faulty curtains nor a lack of sleep mattered anymore. She rolled over and nuzzled her head into his shoulder, and wrapped her arm across his chest.

“Good morning, baby,” she smiled.

“With you here next to me, it is an undoubtedly good morning. I’m sorry about that light. Does it bother you?”

“Mmmhhhh, nothing bothers me as long as I have you, T.”

He leaned over and kissed her head, “I feel the same way about you, Casey. You have no idea. But I’ll still fix it this weekend. Me missing sleep is one thing, but now that I have this beautiful angel sharing a bed with me, well, it is quite another.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that!”

“Why? Please tell me you aren’t planning on staying in your room, now that we’ve finally….” he asked nervously.

“No, it’s not that, it’s just….”

“Just what?”

“It’s just that your alarm is going to go off in 3, 2, 1….”

Riiiiiiiiinnnnngggggggg…

Tobias jumped out of bed, pulling the sleeping mask off of his eyes because, yes, that damn curtain didn’t close right, but, unfortunately, everything else was a dream.

Knock, knock, knock.

“T? Are you awake?”

“Yeah, one sec!”

He threw on his sweatpants and rushed to answer the bedroom door.

“Hey, what up, Case?”

“Are you OK? You were making a lot of noise in there.”

“Uh… yeah… uhm, did I say anything?”

“You said a lot of things. I just have no idea what.”

“Oh, thank God.”

“Wait, what?”

“Oh, nothing. I was dreaming. I guess I was rambling in my sleep. So what’s up?”

She stood before him, shifting her weight between her two feet nervously, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak.

“You’re scared.”

“What, NO! I’m not scared.”

“OK, you’re… worried?”

“No. It’s more like scared,” she said, pushing past him and collapsing on his bed. “Maybe I can call out?”

“OK, so what do you do tomorrow?”

“Call out.”

“And the next day?” he laughed.

“You have friends at Mass Kenmore. I can transfer my residency. Come on, T! Help me.”

“I am,” he said gingerly, sitting down next to her because even under these innocent pretenses, the idea of being in his bed with her was a bit overwhelming, especially after that dream. “I’m helping you by not letting you run away. Let’s get through this day, and once we do, tomorrow will be easier, and the next day, easier yet.”

“Mmmm. That’s all well and good,” she said, rolling onto her side and leaning on her elbow, “Do you think there is any chance Naveen just told him to take another week off or something.”

“Nope.”

“How do you know?”

“Because Naveen sent me a text telling me he wants to meet with me. He also wants me to set up a time to talk to Ethan today.”

“Oh, fuck, you’re going to the principal's office.”

He chuckled, “I hate it when you’re so adorable.”

“Hmmm… yeah, Casey being a wuss is so cute.”

“HEY! Casey is NEVER a wuss. But she’s allowed to be human. Now, go get dressed; we’re late enough.”

“I hate it when you're this bossy!”

“That’s a shame. Some women in my past really liked it. It was fun.”

“You are… you are, ugh….”

She threw a pillow at him and left the room.

_________________________

Ethan had not spoken to Naveen since Thanksgiving Day. Sitting in his office, he felt like he probably should have, but he wanted to focus on what Naveen asked him to. He chuckled because, of course, Naveen would understand in these circumstances.

“Ethan!” Naveen greeted, “It’s good to have you back!”

“Well, considering my behavior when I was last here, I am pleased to hear you say that.”

“Well, while I was certainly not happy with it, I’m well aware that life happens, and we all have our moments. That said, we have to get beyond them. So, tell me, how was your visit with Alan?”

Ethan smirked, “As if he hasn’t filled you in already.”

Naveen smiled in acknowledgment, “Well, two fathers have to do their part to keep their son on track.”

Feeling like a fool, Ethan hung his head. Naveen was not wrong. He was blessed with two men, one a father by birth, one a father by choice, and they both loved him unconditionally. He also had Casey. HAD. She would have stood by his side through hell and back, but she learned the hard way that she only had a fifty-percent say in that matter; and he was learning the hard way that, when you continuously throw someone away, in time, they may not return. She had granted him chances many times in the past, but his choices were catastrophic this time. Allowing the actions of a woman who was unable to love him to force him to dismiss the one who did so with such passion and adoration, he had yet to grapple with the full impact of it. But at least Alan and Naveen still had his back. And he was determined to mend the bridges he damaged with them.

“I am immensely grateful to the two of you. I could say my father has no choice in the matter, but my mother has proven time and again that biology doesn’t mean that you have to stay. Both of you have made a deliberate choice to be there for me and to…” his voice cracked, “to love me, and I want you to know how grateful I am.”

“Oh, my boy. There is no need to thank us. That is how love works. How many times have you refused to give up on me when you could have. I’ll always do the same for you. But, there are more unpleasant matters to discuss.”

“I know.”

“Your team, son, and the patients you serve. They cannot be impacted by the troubles you are having, nor by the team's dynamics. If you feel you cannot function now, then perhaps we should consider a temporary leave.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary.”

“Well, if things improve, I certainly won’t force it. But, I would like to ask you to get counseling, and I do have the ability to make that contingent on your employment, but I don’t want to do that, Ethan. Have you… have you reconsidered.”

“I have given it thought and,” he sighed, “I’m not in a place where I am open to it, and I feel that would make it an exercise in futility at this point. You can mandate it, but will I gain anything if my heart is not in it.”

“And why wouldn’t you try?

“I wouldn’t try because… I’m not ready to try.”

“Sometimes, if we force ourselves to do something, eventually, we hear the lesson even if we weren’t fully listening.”

Ethan looked up, tears brimming in his eyes, “Naveen. I’m not ready. I’m not ready to face the consequences and, right now, I feel it may even do more harm than good. Do you understand that?”

“No. To be honest, I don’t. Aghh… but, against my better judgment, I am going to give you 30-days. If I see an improvement, professionally and personally, I will not mandate it within that time. But if I don’t, you’ll leave me no choice. I hope you’ll decide to go on your own at some point. Until then, I’m always here for you, and I’m happy to see that you’re receptive to that once again.”

Ethan smiled because, although he was no longer the man he was just months before, he wasn’t who he was a week ago, and he was proud of that improvement.

“Now, about the team. It is a mess. Casey, Tobias… you can’t be warring with them. I’ll need to make changes if you can’t all work together.”

“In fairness to them, they did nothing wrong. They never acted unprofessionally, and they never did anything to antagonize me. I have to accept that responsibility. I need to talk to them both, and, honestly, I dread it on several fronts but, it’s necessary.”

“Yes. It is. I have invited Tobias to the meeting, I’d like to talk to you both together, but you should speak alone as well. As to Casey, I’ll leave that up to you if you want me involved.”

Ethan sighed, “I’ll talk to her alone and… if needed, I’ll bring you in. I think it’s best she continues to report to you, at least for the time being.”

“I agree. And I think it’s best I at least have a hand in overseeing Tobias until you’re … on track… as well. Are we in agreement?”

“Yes, we are.”

“Very well. Ah, my assistant just notified me that Tobias has arrived.”

“I guess I need to bite this bullet.”

Naveen smiled. “You do.”

Tobias stuck his head in the office, a bit surprised to see Ethan there.

“Oh, Dr. Carrick, please, come in. Take a seat.”

“Thank you, Dr. Banerji. Ethan.”

“Tobias,” he nodded.

Once Tobias was seated, Ethan addressed him directly.

“Before we begin, I need to say that I am … I apologize for my behavior last week… I … It was based on a gut emotional reaction that, frankly, was out of line, and it certainly was not professional. Whatever any of our feelings may be in a personal capacity, they cannot be brought here.”

Tobias appeared surprised and looked between Ethan and Naveen, trying to discern if he was sincere or put up to this.

“Well, I appreciate that Ethan, and, to be honest, while I did not instigate the altercation, I could have handled it better. I could have walked away. I felt I could handle it professionally and, as the results show, I did not.”

“Well, I appreciate both of your candor,” Naveen interjected. “And I expect you to work together to determine how you will be rectifying things going forward. You have an obligation to the hospital and your patients. If I see you not fixing this, I will. Now, I think we’ve said all we need to; for now, you’re both free to go.”

“Naveen, could I ask you if I can use this space, privately, for just a moment to speak with Dr. Carrick? It will only be a few minutes.”

Naveen looked nervously between the two before agreeing. “I will be right outside.”

Ethan turned to Tobias, his expression unreadable, and Tobias kept on a poker face as well.

“Tobias, right now… in light of… (sigh)… I don’t know where things stand with us. We have recently moved toward being friends again, and I want us to be, but now… I …”

“Now, I have told you that I am in love with Casey. So, this makes for a challenging, an uncomfortable situation.”

Ethan didn’t answer.

“For what it’s worth, I have tried not to have these feelings, Ethan. But, it’s not something you just turn off. I didn’t ask for them, and I cannot snap my fingers and rid myself of them.”

“But you can choose whether or not you act on them.”

“And, to date, I have not. For what it’s worth, it’s taken more fortitude than I ever thought I had in me, but I have not.”

Ethan stood up and walked to look out the window.

“In advance, I know I have no right to ask this, so if you chose not to answer, I accept that, but… do you plan to?”

Tobias rubbed his eyes and shook his head. “Plan to? No. Promise not to? I’m sorry, Ethan, but I can’t commit to that. I don’t intend to, mostly because I never want to put my friendship with Casey in jeopardy, but I’ve never felt like this before, and I can’t make any promises. I hope you understand, having this level of honesty with you is difficult at best, but I feel it’s better than lying.”

“Did you love her… did you love her before… she and I were over?”

Tobias stayed silent at first.

“I did. But I never disrespected what you had. At that point, my answer to your question would have been no. I would have never dreamed of pursuing Casey. But, Ethan, you are the one who let her go. Forced her to go. I can’t be responsible for what you did. Especially when I begged you to fix it.”

Silence descended on the room again. It was as if each man was absorbing the previously hidden truth. Now that it was released into the open, it could never be taken back.

“Thank you for your honesty, Tobias. I’m not happy, but you’re not wrong. I let her go, and if she moves on with you or someone else, that is just something that I have to accept.”

“I never wanted to hurt you, Ethan. That’s not what this is about.”

“Oddly enough,” he chuckled, “I believe you..”

“Well,” Ethan began again, “why don’t we get to work. I guess… you and I … we have to see where things settle. I don’t hate you, Tobias.”

Tobias half smiled, “I don’t hate you either, bud… Ethan. I don’t hate you at all. But I’ll reserve “buddy” until a day I know that you want to hear it.”

Ethan nodded, “That sounds good, Carrick. That sounds good.”

____________________

Casey was purposefully lurking in the hallway near Naveen’s office. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Tobias walking down the hall. He smiled when he saw her, and she motioned toward a vacant patient's room.

“So,” she asked tentatively, ‘how did it go?”

“Far better than expected. I mean, I’d have liked some time alone with Naveen, but I can always arrange that.”

“Wait, weren’t you with Naveen?”

“Yeah, but Ethan was there too.”

Her eyes went wide, “Oh. And, uh, how did that go?”

Tobias looked down with her, a tender look on his face. If you only knew, sweetheart.

“It went far better than expected. I hope this leads to… well, working together without incident but also to some sort of healing.”

She smiled, “So do I.”

She reached over and hugged him, without even realizing she was doing it. Her eyes widened as her head lay on his chest, suddenly feeling like she should almost apologize. Tobias’s hands remained at his sides for a moment, a little taken aback that she hugged him, so spontaneously, at the hospital. But he quickly closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her. Some moments he felt like his feelings for her were so intense that he would explode, and this was one of those moments

There was a crashing sound at the door as Maureen walked in to set the room up for a new patient.

“Maureen!” Casey said, pulling away from Tobias. “Oh, uhm, Maureen… this isn’t what it looks like, it….”

“Casey,” she smiled, “you don’t need to give me an explanation.”

“Oh, but I, ah... I do.. ahh….” She found herself at a loss for words.

“Maureen, I think we do. Casey and I were just dealing with a difficult situation. We’re friends. That’s all. We’re just friends.”

Case felt herself go tense. He said it so sharply, so convincingly, and she was taken aback by how much it hurt her to hear it.

“It’s just the rumor mill, and I know you know what happened with Ethan and me and, I don’t need….”

“Guys, relax. I will admit, I listen to the rumor mill, but I never add to it. I know you’ve been friends for a while. But, be careful, others won’t be so kind.”

“Thank you, Maureen, it’s appreciated,” Casey smiled.

When they stepped out into the hallway, Casey had tears in her eyes; it was clear she was on the verge of crying.

“T, I’m, I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to cause you any…” she wiped her eyes to stop a tear from falling.

“Hey, Casey,” he said. He jerked forward for a moment before stopping himself. He just wanted to comfort her so badly. “Casey, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Please tell me you know that.” “Mmmm. Mmmm-hmmm,” she answered, “Mmmm-hmmm, I know. I… I…” she looked up at him and smiled, “Why don’t we just get to work, OK?”

“OK?” He said, barely a whisper, as she turned and rushed away.

____________________

The day was almost over, and Casey had successfully avoided Ethan. She had under an hour left, and she was genuinely looking forward to a quiet night at home. Even though she felt like she needed to address her awkward encounter with Tobias this morning, it was something she was having trouble understanding herself. She was almost on the elevator when he called to her.

“Casey. Casey!”

She turned around slowly. Well, on an up note, she could just get this over with today. She plastered on her best fake smile.

“Hi, Ethan.”

“Hi, I hate to bother you, but could we go to the office? I promise not to take too much of your time.”

“Sure,” she said, turning on her heel and making her way down the hall, Ethan at her side.

Walking together in the hallways used to be a challenge. Their desire to hold each other's hands never went away. They knew they were probably standing a bit too closely, and most of the time, the smiles on their face alone gave the gossips something to talk about. And here they were today, still providing fodder for the gossip mill. Only now, it was because of the way they stood so far apart, their stony expressions as they glanced straight ahead, the fact that there was no interaction between them at all. Casey could see several staff members smirk at them, at her in particular, as they passed them. She learned to ignore it as much as possible, but it still hurt. She resented Ethan for it, even though she knew she was just as much at fault. She couldn’t wait to go public, but that is when she thought that he was her forever. It felt so cruel. Three years, three years of a silent love they shared, only to have it fall apart a mere six months after everyone finally knew. God, she felt like a fool. So many people reveled in it. Some thought she wasn’t good enough for him, and others were jealous. Whatever the reason, she found it shocking how many reveled in her heartbreak.

They made their way to the office, and Casey headed for the chair across from Ethan’s desk, but she turned around when he sat at the conference table. She walked back and sat across from him. She noted that he looked disappointed that she didn’t sit next to him. He had pushed the chair out for that purpose. Sorry, Dr. Ramsey. That’s not happening. Not right now.

“Casey,” he stated, “I am sitting here feeling very embarrassed and like more of a fool than you can imagine.”

She remained silent while looking at him. Well, over his shoulder, actually, she still couldn’t bring herself to look directly in his face.

“I was wrong the other day, and I was quite cruel with the things I said, the insinuations I made. I know an apology won’t cut it, but it’s what I have to offer you right now.”

“OK, apology accepted. Do we need to discuss anything else?”

“Well, yeah… I … I also need to figure out how we will be able to work together. You know how valuable you are to our team, and our patients need you. I don’t want you to feel like it’s uncomfortable to be here.”

“Ethan, stop. Please. For the time being, there is no way that it will be comfortable for me. We may be quite far away from that. Who knows if it will ever be. For now, though, I’m here, and you’re here, and we just have to make it work. But don’t ask me to profess that it is, or that it will be, easy. Because it’s not.”

“Fair enough. I know that after we… after we broke up….”

“After you broke up with me! Please, get that right and say it properly. I’m sick of hearing it any other way.”

“OK. I… I know I paired you and Tobias on most cases, but I thought perhaps I should rotate them. I don’t expect you to partner with me unless necessary, but maybe with Harper a bit more, and Tobias can be with me a bit more… just to try to get back to normal.”

“You’re the Director of the team. Do as you see fit.”

He smiled weakly, looking down. “Just one more thing before you go.”

“Yes.”

“I’m, I’m sorry for how badly I hurt you, Casey, I….”

She abruptly jumped up from her seat.

“No. No, Ethan. You don’t get to do that. Not now, certainly not here.”

“I’m sorry, I just, I never realized how bad….”

“You didn’t? You didn’t? Because if I had done to you what you did to me, how do you think it would have impacted you? How would it have felt to have the one person who promised to love you, to protect your heart, decided to shatter it… for no reason. Ethan, I wasn’t hurt. I was nearly destroyed. I credit my loved ones, my friends, for helping me to stay afloat. I’m stronger than I thought. I’m grateful for that, but I’ll never be grateful for how I had to learn it. Now, look, I wish you no malice, but I am nowhere near prepared to have this sort of a conversation with you and, I beg you, please don’t force me to.”

“Of course. I’m sorry, I won’t let it happen again.”

She gave him a forced smile and quickly ran out of the room.

Ethan remained seated, just staring at the chair where she had been sitting. He recalled the way her eyes used to light up when she saw him. God, it went back to when she started at Edenbrook, her first day at the vending machine with him, and almost all the times after. And now, he saw the dread on her face every time he approached her. The worst part of all, he couldn’t blame her. Not one bit. And now, Tobias loved her. He shook his head. What did he expect? Maybe he didn’t think it would be Tobias, but he knew it would be someone, and he should have known it wouldn’t take long. How does anyone know Casey and not love her? Falling in love, it’s an easy trip. This is what he wanted, and now, he had to learn to live with his choices. With his poor, regrettable choices.

____________________

Casey could smell the aroma from the moment she stepped off the elevator. Tobias was making chicken pot pie. For all that he raved about his eggplant parmesan, Casey would sacrifice several people she loved for his chicken pot pie. It was that good. But he was making it on a “school night,” as he would say. Unusual. She opened the door and headed to the kitchen.

“Hey, T. Are you making… wow you are! This is such a nice surprise.”

“Hey, kid,” he smiled. “I know you had a rough day, and I wanted to do something to make you smile.”

“Well, you do have a way of making me smile. I hope you know how much I appreciate it.”

“I do. So, why don’t you rest and….”

“Tobias, I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For.. for the weird way I interacted with you today. I don’t know what came over me.”

“I told you earlier, you have nothing to apologize for. You got rattled. It’s understandable. Can we please file this under F for forgotten?”

“We can.”

“Good. Now, I can still hug you, right?”

“God, I hope so,” she said as she walked into his arms. “It’s just been a draining day.”

“Well, go sit on the couch. What do you say we take dinner in front of the TV today?”

“We can do that.”

Ten minutes later, they were sitting on the floor of the living room, enjoying their meal. There was over 3,000 square foot of condo surrounding them. There were numerous places to sit and eat, but this had become their little thing.

“Hey, did you see we got our invites to the Edenbrook Holiday party?”

“No, I didn’t see them yet. When is it?”

“In two weeks. A little early this year. Apparently, they figured they’d get a better turn out, fewer people having days off and all.”

“Oh, that’s good. You’re going, right?”

“Yes, I planned on. I’m assuming you are too?”

“Oh, yeah. My friends would kill me if I didn’t. Are… are you bringing anyone?”

“No. No, I mean, it’s a work event. There is no need. Right?”

“Yeah. Right.”

“I, I assume you’re going stag as well. I mean, it’s just an assumption, but….”

“Oh, yeah. Definitely. I mean,” she laughed nervously, “could you imagine.”

“Well, it would be your choice.”

“I know. But I’m going to make the most of it. I think I’ll go dress shopping with the girls this weekend. Go all out. How about here. What do you normally do here for the holidays? Do you put up a tree?”

“It’s my first year in this place, but I hadn’t thought of it. I guess I could call someone and have some decorations brought in.”

“Wha… what? Brought in? What kind of talk is that? The only ones bringing in decorations will be you and me. What are we, royalty?”

He laughed, “I have never had anyone around who cared about the holidays, not since I was home with my parents. This is a little new to me.”

“So that settles it. We’re both off Saturday night. After dress shopping, we will be getting a tree.”

“I love it when you're bossy!”

She shoved him playfully but didn’t retort. Probably because she was exhausted, he could tell just by looking at her eyes.

“Hey, Case, go to sleep, hun. I’ll clean up. I can tell you're spent.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Not at all, get.”

“OK, I owe you one.”

“You don’t owe me a thing.”

“Good night, T, and thank you.”

Casey felt a feeling of melancholy as she walked down the long hallway that led to her room. She sat in the shower and turned on the hot water. God, she loved this fancy bathroom with its built-in shower bench. She was way too tired to stand. As the steam enveloped her, her mind kept wandering back to the hug she shared with Tobias in the kitchen. Then it traveled back to the awkward one, that turned simply lovely, then around to awkward again this morning. Thinking of it made her smile, but the smile quickly faded.

We’re friends, that’s all. We’re just friends.

Those words he spoke played on a loop in her head. Every intonation etched in her memory. Tobias had always been kind to her. He was always flirtatious and affectionate, not only with her but with everyone. Why did she allow herself to think that he might feel more for her? And, why did she even care if he didn’t? Oh, she knew why. She knew very well. But it wasn’t important, at least that’s what she kept telling herself as she attempted to drift to sleep that night. It didn’t matter if he didn’t want her. She didn’t want him. Right?

______________________

Dress shopping with Sienna and Jackie was precisely what Casey needed. Silliness and laughter followed them everywhere they went. After trying on what felt like 1,000 dresses, Casey selected a stunning burgundy velvet gown. It was honestly spectacular, although she felt a little embarrassed about how she came to make her choice. She admitted, to herself only, that she recalled a drunken conversation she and T had with Bryce a long while ago. Tobias had mentioned that he loved velvet dresses. Not only did they look beautiful, but he insisted it was so much fun when he rubbed the fabric and whatever was underneath. She also knew burgundy was his favorite color. I’m such an idiot. She thought. He’s not going to be rubbing your dress, Casey. He’s not your date, Casey. You’re losing your mind, Casey.

“Casey. Casey. Casey.” Sienna snapped her fingers in front of her face.

“Oh, oh! I’m sorry, what?”

“The waitress,” she said, pointing, “standing right there. You ready to order?”

“Oh, just a grilled cheese. Thanks.”

“You have been zoning out a lot today, girl. Everything ok?” Jackie asked.

“Oh, yeah, I guess I’m just tired. Especially today, trying on so many dresses. It does get exhausting after a while.”

“Well, it was worth the effort because, damn, girl… yours is fiiiiinnnne. You’re going to turn every head in the hospital that night, and I say, WORK IT.”

“Thank you, Jackie!”

“Hey, Casey, do you want to come over tonight? We can watch movies. I’ll make you dinner; it’s been forever,” Sienna asked.

“Oh, I’d love to, but Tobias and I are going Christmas tree shopping.”

“Oh, you and Tobias are going to get a tree! Oh, maybe I should tag along! We need one too!”

“No, Sienna!” Jackie exclaimed. “Aurora and I already told you. WE will pick out the tree. Our tiny apartment cannot handle the 7-foot monstrosity you’d probably come home with. Besides,” she smirked, “we don’t want to intrude on a potentially romantic evening.”

“Oooooohhhh, right!” Sienna smiled.

“Guys. I’m going to get a tree with Tobias. There is no romantic evening.”

“Casey, I think it’s time you opened your eyes. The man has got it bad for you! And… I think you might have a little something-something for him too….”

Sienna’s eyes widened, but she didn’t say a word as her eyes shifted back and forth between her two friends.

“I’m not entertaining this conversation again, Jackie. Tobias and I are friends. Period.”

“Does everything have to be this dragged-out drama with you? It took three years to come around and admit you and Ramsey were a thing. Do me a favor? Let’s not relive that, OK?”

Casey sat back in her chair and glanced up at the ceiling, a bit exasperated.

“Jackie… OK. I have feelings for him. OK. I do! But, I don’t think….”

Jackie had already spit out her ginger ale.

“FINALLY! Admitting it is the first step! Sienna! She admitted it…wait… you’re not surprised! You knew! You two have been keeping secrets!!!”

“Not for long, and I swore her to secrecy.”

“Casey, GO FOR IT. The guy is like in love with you, and he’s so good to you. And oh my God, you would look SO amazing together. And I just have this feeling… I bet he’s an animal in bed.”

“Oh, Jackie!!! Stop it!”

“Casey, I have to interject here. I think he likes you at least as much as you like him, if not more. Why not… go for it. I mean, you have this incredibly sexy gown, and we have a big old gala, and you’re both going alone….”

“And I can’t believe I’m going to say this corny Hallmark shit. It should be Sienna, but maybe a little Christmas magic….”

Casey sighed, “If it’s meant to happen, it will happen. If it’s not, it won’t. I’m not forcing anything. Now, if we could get the bill… I have a Christmas tree shopping date tonight.”

“A date! You heard that right, Jackie. She said a date!”

“That’s not what I, ugh. Waitress!!!!”

__________________

Casey and Tobias burst through the door with a 10-foot tree in tow. They were both hysterical, laughing at all the crazy maneuvering they had to go through on the subway, city streets, lobby, and elevator to get this into the apartment. Tobias thought it was a crazy idea at first, but now he just loved it.

“So, now that we carried the Rockefeller Christmas tree up here, what do we do with it?”

“Uhh… we put it up and decorate it. T, how long has it been for you.”

“Oh, Jesus Case, usually when a beautiful woman is asking me that question, it is not about when I last put up a tree,” he laughed.

“Oh?” She said, blushing, “Well, I’m sure the answer is never too long on that one!”

“In the past, no, it wasn’t… and that is the most I am going to say on that matter,” he chuckled. “Come on, let’s get this bad boy in place.”

Together they got the tree into its stand, and now the branches were settling. Tobias was becoming giddy. Casey had no idea he would get into the holiday spirit so much. Honestly, he didn’t know it himself.

“We should probably put on some Christmas music, right?”

“That sounds good.”

“OK, I’ll get it set up right now. Oh, and cookies, I have Pillsbury cookie dough in the fridge. Sugarcookie dough! Should I make some?”

“Sure, we can pretend we’re Santa, and it is Christmas Eve. You’re getting into the spirit, Carrick! I am loving this!”

“Well, this is fun! Can we decorate the tree tonight?”

Casey laughed, “It needs to settle, at least a couple of hours. But we will probably be asleep by then, so why don’t we plan on doing it tomorrow night? But, if you want, we can put the lights on before we go to bed tonight?”

“OK, we can do that! But wait, we don’t have lights.”

“Well, you’re in luck because I have some! They’re packed in a box in my room. How about I go get them, and you make us some cookies?”

“Deal and deal. Hot chocolate or milk?

“Why not both?”

Casey entered her walk-in closet. It was about the size of her old bedroom. There were only four boxes of seasonal items that she hadn’t unpacked yet. She grabbed the one with tiny Christmas tree’s drawn all over it – that was Sienna’s way of labeling the boxes for moving.

A goofy grin appeared on her face when she saw the first item, a silly Santa hat with reindeer antlers sticking out the side and tiny fairy lights adorning them. She had to get another! Considering how much Tobias loved photo booths, she was confident he would love this. There is no question about it. They could take a zillion selfies. This was going to blow up Pictagram! Underneath the hat was the jumbled mess of Christmas tree lights.

Oh, detangling the lights. My least favorite part of the holiday decorating.

But she was sure that she and Tobias would make it fun somehow. They always did. She carefully lifted the lights out of the box, not wanting to damage any bulbs. She noticed something else at the bottom and did a double take. She put down the lights and let out a deep sigh lifting the elegant box in her hands. She had completely forgotten about this. It was a Christmas gift she had purchased for Ethan earlier in the year.

He often talked about his favorite vacation. He visited Venice, Italy, around the holidays about five years ago. While there, he was fortunate enough to see a special performance of La Traviata at the Teatro La Fenice. He always told her it was the most magical night of his life until he met her. The performance was recorded that evening, and he had tried tirelessly to find a copy, but he was never successful. Casey searched and searched, and she squealed when she finally found it. She was so excited when it arrived that she almost gave it to him there and then. But when she thought of his face opening it next to the Christmas tree, she decided it would be worth the wait. Lesson learned. Don’t wait. Who knew when she packed the gift away that Ethan would leave her just a week later. She was supposed to be unpacking this box at his place, but… well… it was an old story. She didn’t know what to do with it now, so she put it back in the box for safekeeping until she could give it more thought. This also reminded her, she needed to get Tobias a gift too. She had no idea what to get him. It was time for a call to Vivian.

She returned to the living room with the lights in hand, and Tobias’s face fell.

“We have to detangle those, don’t we?”

“I’m sorry to say, we do.”

“And then we have to wrap them, evenly, around the tree, right?”

“Yep, hoping that no bulbs go out in the process.”

“This is coming back to me; this is why I thought we should hire people for this.”

“I think we can manage together,” she smiled.

“Yeah, I think you and I can manage most things together pretty well.”

“We do make a good team.” She looked down and blushed, “But these lights may put that to the test. Let’s reconvene later this evening to decide for sure.”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m putting $20 on us,” Tobias smiled.

Once again, they proved to be an excellent team. By the end of the night, the tree was perfectly lit, perfectly adorned with lights. It looked spectacular against his wall of windows with the Boston skyline twinkling behind it.

The two of them sat next to each other on the couch, perfectly stuffed with cookies, cocoa, and milk, and stared at the beautiful sight together.

“You know, nothing in the world makes me happier than when the Christmas tree is the only light lit in the room. It’s just… magic.”

Magic is any room with you in it, Casey. He thought.

Everything was perfect. Well, almost. Each of them imagined how it could be just a little more perfect. He could have his arm around her. She could be nuzzled up against his chest. He could be kissing her forehead and, when it was time to turn the lights out, they could be heading to the same bedroom. That would be perfect. At the exact moment, they turned and gazed into each other’s eyes.

Tobias felt his heart racing. Casey’s flesh just tingled, but she smiled shyly and quickly turned away. Tobias looked down at her hand, remembering how warm it felt in his as he held it for most of the ride home from her parent’s home. But Casey had initiated it… while she was asleep… and he didn’t even know if she was aware that it had happened. But it did. And to him, it was one of the most magical things that ever happened to him.

“The tree looks so beautiful,” she said.

Not as beautiful as you, Casey.

“It does. We did a good job.”

“You’re right; we always do,” she smiled.

They faced each other again. Their faces were no more than a foot apart. Each felt as if a magnet was drawing them to each other. They could honestly feel the tension in the air. Oh, just give in. Each of them thought.

Then he turned away.

“Well, it’s late….”

“Uh, yeah, it is. We should go to sleep, I guess.”

“Yeah,” he said, standing. “Oh, look, you left your new dress hanging on the hook in the hallway. Let me get it. You should put it in your room, don’t want anything happening to it.”

When he got to the dress, curiosity got the better of him. He smiled sheepishly as he unzipped the garment bag.

“T! Are you peeking at my dress!” Casey giggled.

“Hey, it’s not a wedding gown! And I’m curious.”

His breath clinched when he saw the stunning burgundy velvet gown before him.

“Wow, now that’s… something.” He reached forward and touched the fabric… “Velvet.”

Casey's cheeks turned almost the same color as the dress.

“Yeah, it’s very popular around the holidays.”

Tobias swallowed as he zipped the bag back up. He took it off the hook and then draped it carefully over Casey’s arm.

“Well, I can’t wait to see you in it.”

He stared at her for a moment before whispering, “Good night, Casey.”

He leaned over and placed the gentlest of kisses on her forehead. Casey’s heart almost stopped. But Tobias knew his resolve was virtually gone, so he anxiously turned and began walking down the hall.

Casey watched him as he retreated down the hall.

“T!” she called, almost desperately.

At the door to his room, he turned to her.

“I… I didn’t get to say good-night. Goodnight.”

The sweetest smile crossed his lips. “Goodnight, princess. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Casey cradled the gown in her arms and headed to her room. She hung the dress on the back of her door before walking over and collapsing on her bed. She stared at the ceiling and lamented every single opportunity that she let pass her by tonight.

Just across the hall, Tobias laid flat on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He cursed himself for each time he could have told her, could have kissed her. So many chances were given to him, but he didn’t take a single one, and he wondered if he ever would.

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[emmies-archives]

A Little Brat

Bakugo Katsuki x Reader Part 1: The Girl with the Skull Panties

A/N: All characters aged 18+, Requested by @samxbaker​ :) I hope you like it 

Warnings: Smut, lots of teasing, fingering, handjob, very descriptive smut.

Word Count: 4k+ words

Summary: You decide to get Bakugo back for making you a mess and teasing you with your panties. Leads to fun times.

 It was slow, but something started to stir between you and Bakugo. There was a small but immediate change in your energy. Your glances lingering on him a little longer than you wanted them too. You found yourself to be pulled to him as though there was some magnetic force enticing you. The way you felt when you looked at him was different. Admiration of his strength. Amusement at his perpetuated annoyance. Longing to see the fierceness of his gaze. You yearned for his attention, his predatory eyes pining to capture his prey. Waiting wouldn’t work so you decided to take his focus from him. A blunt approach wouldn’t work with him. It was too obvious, too many eyes to see. He would never admit that you were affecting him. What you wanted was for only him to realize what you were doing. You wanted to make him snap.

Arriving in the shared common area, a grin crept on your face when you saw most of your classmates relaxing around. Your eyes flicked to Bakugo slumped into a chair talking to Kirishima, then to Midoriya. An idea popped into your head. It was a little risky, it would either benefit you, or you would probably be blasted through the wall. You couldn’t tell if you would even hate the latter one.

“Hi, Midoriya!” You chirped louder than necessary and slid into the spot next to him on the couch. The unnatural preppiness to your voice was thankfully not picked up by him.

“Oh! Hi L/n!” A soft pink dusted the boy’s cheeks as you smiled at him. He had a pile of notebooks on his lap like always.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you about your notes. I noticed that you are always writing, it's really interesting!” Your eyes caught on Bakugo’s intense glare settling on you, stroking the fire inside of you.

“Really?! Of course, L/n.” He went quiet for a moment pulling out a notebook, it was about you. “Do you want to see what I wrote about you? Your quirk is really amazing and I have so many ideas!”

“Tell me all about it.” You basically purred at the boy. Locking eyes with Bakugo’s harsh gaze you moved closer to see the notebook on Midoriya’s lap. The usually flustered boy paying no attention to your actions.

Midoriya began to ramble. Words flowing from his mouth like a small stream that has no destination. A part of you felt awful about using him to get to Bakugo but it was working. Midoriya’s nonstop talk about you; how great your quirk is, how you can make it better, his full focus was about you. So was Bakugo’s. You could see his crimson eyes turn almost dark, he was clenching and unclenching his jaw repeatedly. When he saw you staring a small spark popped in his palm, he looked like he could growl.

A sly smirk slipped onto your lips and you moved your eyes away from him and to the boy next to you. “Midoriya.”

He paused his rant and looked up at you, just not realizing how close you were to him. Your body inches away from pressing into him. His face erupted in red and he all but squeaked. “Y-yes, L/n?”

“Show me the scars on your arms.” You could basically feel the heat coming from the eyes staring into the back of your head.

“What!? Um, sure.” He rolled his sleeves back and lifted his arms. “They look really bad, but I really don’t feel them at all!”

“Wow, they’re so big!” You gasped exaggeratedly and reached out to touch the lines on his arm. Slowly run your finger across the largest one. You could tell Midoriya’s heart stopped. “I can’t believe you’ve got all these scars and you’re still so strong.” You were laying it on thick, it was definitely new to Midoriya.

“Yeah well, if I’m going to be the number one hero, I’ll be faced against worse things than scars, right?” He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed nervously. He seemed to realize you were there again and red shot up to his ears again. “You don’t have to say all that stuff though, L/n!! Really, they aren’t that bad! You’re even tougher though that one tim-”

Before he could say anything else to Midoriya, a rough fist wrapped around his shirt and he was pulled nose to nose with a seething Bakugo. “Stop your useless rambling you quirkless idiot!! I’ll be the number one hero! Shut the hell up about it!!”

Midoriya was thrown back onto the couch and Bakugo’s anger turned to you. “And you! Stop fangirling its god damn pissing me off! Say one more word to Deku and I’ll set you on fucking fire!”

You only smirked at him and just barely bit your lip. Oh, how you wanted him to follow through on his threat. His eyes stopped on you for a second longer than you expected.

Nothing else came from it as he stomped towards the stairs. His reaction was good. But you wanted more. A thrill came over you when his furious eyes stared you down. It was like a drug.

                                                           ~~~~

 You always loved sparring outside in summer with your class. It gave you a chance to use your quirks a little more freely and stronger. This was definitely a good thing, especially on the hot days. Thanks to Bakugo’s drive to push past his limits, most of the time he would end up with the top of his uniform undone. This day was no different. Showing off all of his defined muscles he worked hard for.

You couldn’t help but stare at him. He always caught your attention. Noticing your eyes flicker up and down his toned body, he smirked. He was going to get you back for Deku.

“Oi, L/n!” He barked, shaking you from your lingering gaze.

“What do you want, Bakugo?” You snarked back, folding your arms across your chest.

“We’re sparring dumbass!” He didn’t even give you a second to process his words before he rushed you. You barely dodged his blast, ducking out of the way at the last second. The blaze didn’t miss your uniform though, burning a large hole in the side exposing your skin.

“The hell!?” You shouted at him angrily, the grin on your face betraying your tone. You loved fighting Bakugo. The passion he put in his attacks was amazing. You activated your own quirk, taking the offensive.

“Glad you’re finally fighting back. I’m going to kick your ass!” He yelled back and sent another blast towards you. You jumped out of the way, using your quirk to propel you towards him. You almost landed a punch on him when he grabbed your wrist and flung you to the side.

You growled out a laugh and skidded to a halt. With every attack sent between you two, you both were fighting to get on top. You didn’t even bother with defensive moves. You wanted to feel the heat from his blast on your skin.

“That all you got?!” Bakugo’s eye twitched, his mouth pulling back. His hair was pushed back slightly from sweat, he was a sight. With a yell, he sent another, larger blast towards you. You were caught off guards and this one almost hit you head on, hitting the ground in front of you sending a cloud of smoke up instead. You couldn’t believe it didn’t hit you.

You started to shout a reply to him when a foot appeared from the smoke and kicked you back. You landed flat on your back, the wind knocked out of you. As you tried to catch your breath, any chance at getting up was blocked by Bakugo as he pushed himself on top of you. His left knee on the ground next to your waist, the other leg was holding down your legs. He had both of your hands pinned above your head with his one. His face was inches away from yours.

You couldn’t tell if it was the heat from his explosions or your face from him being so close to you. “You fucking pathetic idiot. Barely put up a fight.” He was growling now as you squirmed under him. His strong body pinning you down there was no way to get out from under him. Not that you wanted to. His eyes lit like fire starring straight at you.

You gasped feeling him run his free hand up the tear in your shirt and he squeezed his hand around your wrists even tighter. You could feel his fingernails dig into you when you shifted. His voice dropped low, eyes deadly. “You think your funny, don’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Bakugo.” You quipped back at him, batting your eyelashes slightly. He sees past your innocent façade. You wanted him to.

His mouth twisted into a snarl and you grinned at his anger. You loved it. “I’m going to make you regret ever talking to that quirkless loser.” You could feel your heart in your ears at the hungry look in Bakugo’s eyes. They flickered down to your lips when your teeth pulled your bottom lip between them.

He tore himself off of you at the sound of Iida’s voice calling the winner. The smoke around you started to clear and you could tell from the bored look on your classmates' faces that none of them witnessed what happened. That smart bastard, the smoke was a diversion. You had just a few tastes of Bakugo’s hunger, and you were hooked. Oh, how you were hooked. But you weren’t done yet, he was close to snapping you could feel it. He just needed one more push.                                                                              

                                                               ~~~~

 Summer was probably your favorite season. Everything was bright and cheery. There was so much stuff to catch up on outside after being locked in all winter. Your most favorite thing to do was swim though. It was probably because of your quirk but you loved to feel the cool water cover you completely after a long day of training.

You were relaxing in the UA’s pool that was somehow completely empty, leaving you alone. You were grateful. It lasted a while of just you in the water. The serene energy of the pool was so wonderful that you didn’t notice another person entering the water. Your eyes snapped open at the feeling of a current in the water.

“I’m sorry for startling you, L/n.” You met the dual-colored eyes of Todoroki and smiled slightly glad it was only him and not some purple monster that could be lurking under the surface of the water.

“No, you didn’t startle me.” You spoke softly, leaning back into the water. Todoroki moved closer to you resting against one of the ledges of the pool. “Did you get a good training session in?”

Todoroki nodded and looked at the way you moved around in the water. “Yes, it was very beneficial actually. I’m getting good at controlling both sides at the same time.”

“I guess I should’ve gotten in some training today, but the water just called me.” You spoke and ran your hands along the surface creating small ripples. You glanced up at the boy and had to suppress a giggle at the way his eyes followed your hands.

“Sometimes relaxing can be as good as training. It gives your body a break.” Todoroki stretched his hands behind his neck and rolled his shoulders groaning. He smiled at the small sigh that left your lips when you ran your wet hands through your hair. He was right about that; the water was so relaxing. “It seems to have helped you.”

“You might be right.” The water felt so nice against the heat of the summer sun.

“Have you been in here for long?” He asked you his head quirking to the side.

“For a while yeah, somehow it was just me the whole day.” You said and shrugged. “I don’t mind being alone. I’m glad I finally have company though.” He just nodded at your words with a soft smile.

A nice quietness fell over the two of you. It didn’t last that long though. You heard the door to the pool fly open with a bang. Bakugo and Kirishima walked through the threshold and you could feel your heart jump a little. This was perfect.

“What the fuck.” Bakugo stopped in his tracks when he saw you and Todoroki in the water.

You waved at Kiri who returned with a grin before he jumped in the pool. “What?” You asked Bakugo, smiling a bit. He looked annoyed already.

“The hell is half and half doing here.” He snapped and dropped himself into the water from the ledge. His glare sent daggers at Todoroki who just blinked at him. You ignored Bakugo and moved closer to Todoroki.

“Since you said giving your body a break is good. Let me help you; your muscles look tense.” You spoke to Todoroki who smiled and nodded. Paying no attention to Bakugo you pulled yourself up to sit on the ledge and reached for Todoroki’s hand pulling him between your legs. “My parents showed me the importance of massages.” You said and turned to where his back was against your stomach. Peeking up at the other boys you saw Kiri was paying no attention to you and was doing laps. Bakugo, however, was fuming. Good.

You moved your hands to Todoroki’s neck and started working out the knots. “You must’ve gone rough in your training today, you’re full of knots.”

“Thank you, L/n. I did push myself a little harder today with the strength training.” Todoroki started to relax into you becoming more comfortable. You saw Bakugo turn away from the two of you, the water around him was bubbling. He wasn’t fooling you.

“Don’t worry.” You said moving close to Todoroki’s ear, you could feel him shiver. “I’ll take good care of you.” You purred and moved your hands onto his shoulders. Working out a tough knot you felt him melt in your hands.

“Shitt.” Todoroki groaned, his head fell back a bit resting on your chest. Bakugo snapped his eyes to you when he heard the boy. “That feels so good.” Locking eyes with him, you saw they were full of pure fire. You almost felt the rage in the air when Bakugo looked at Todoroki’s head on your chest. A chill rain down your spine at the look on Bakugo’s face.

After working out the last knot Todoroki pulled away when you took your hands off him. “L/n, I didn’t know you had magic hands like that. I owe you, I feel so much better.” He looked so relaxed, something you’ve never seen on him before. He looked quite handsome.

“It was no problem, let me know whenever you feel tense. I’ll relieve you.” You said and pushed yourself up from the ledge and out of the water completely. It was a good thing that Todoroki was a little out of touch with innuendos and other people’s emotions.

“I’ll definitely take you up on that offer.”

Started walking towards the changing rooms, sending one last look at Bakugo. He was furious, the water around him was steaming from the blast igniting under the surface. He was so god damn hot. You smirked and winked at him, dipping into the girls changing room. You heard faint yelling from the pool and the sound of an explosion going off.

                                                           ~~~~

 Later, you had settled down with a book. It was incredibly late when you finally looked up from the book you held in your hands. Thankfully it was summer break, you didn’t have to worry about morning classes. You were resting on the couch in the common area. Somehow you found yourself alone again. It was pleasant. You closed your eyes and leaned your head back. Just like you keep finding yourself alone, Bakugo somehow always shows up when you are. Like he has some sort of radar on you.

When you opened your eyes again, you were met with a crimson pair. You slumped further under the blanket atop you. “Oh, hey Bakugo.”

His face scrunched up. “Don’t fuckin hey me.”

“You can’t tell me what to do.” You said staring him in the eyes, challenging him. Hoping he would take the bait. You had pushed him far enough, he had to do the rest.

His eyes turned dark. You swear a growl left his throat. He pushed himself down, trapping you against the corner of the L-shaped couch, your knees pushed open settling himself between your legs, pulling the blanket off of you. “You’re fucking wrong, L/n.” Your back was moved into the couch and his face was close to yours again. Your heart jumped to your throat, your chest warming immensely. He slammed his lips onto yours, pulling you into a hungry kiss.

Hunger that you’ve been waiting for. One of his hands found its way to the back of your neck, the other gripping the back of your thigh. You gasped and he took it as a chance to shove his tongue into your mouth, dancing with yours. You gripped his hair until he pulled away panting. “You’ve been so annoying, you fucking brat.”

He moved his lips to your neck, kissing and sucking roughly. “I’m sorry Bakugo, I didn’t mean any harm.” You breathed trying to sound innocent. A sharp bite on your neck drew a quiet moan from your throat.

“Yeah the fuck right. Fangirling over Deku. Using your hands on fucking Icy Hot.” With every point, he left another bite on your neck. His hands found their way down to our shirt, pushing up under. You looked him in the eyes, they were completely full of lust. Pure angry, lust. Your eyes probably reflected his emotions. You could feel your body getting hotter. He brought you into another kiss, this one was more passionate and intense. He pulled your chin close with his hand, snarling. “Those hands belong to me. I’m going to show you what happens if you forget that.”

“I didn’t know you had ownership over me, Bakugo. I’m my own damn person, I don’t need you.” You pursed your lips and looked up at him through your eyelashes, you could see his jaw clenching at the sight. He kissed you roughly again.

“It’s Katsuki.” He grunted, pulling away. “Those marks on your neck tell me otherwise.” A sly smirk fell onto his face, it was too damn hot. You were too needy, pulling him in for another kiss. He was overwhelming you with just his lips that you didn’t even notice his hand slip down into your sweatpants. A gasp tore from your lips as you felt him cup his hand on your aching core through your panties. “How wet you are tells me otherwise.”

He rubbed you gently through the thin fabric of your panties eliciting a soft moan from you. Pulling away from you, you lifted your lower half up just enough for him to slip down your sweatpants. You heard him groan and remembered what you were wearing.

“These fucking underwear.” He grumbled, they were the black lacy panties with silver skulls. He ran his hands up and down the inside of your thighs.

“I put them on for Todoroki, but I guess you’ll do too.” You teased, your breath hitching when he pinched the inside of your thigh.

“Shut the fuck up, brat.” He leaned in kissing you roughly again. You could feel his hard member against your thigh, you reached down and started stroking it through his sweats. He let out a loud groan into your mouth. You felt yourself grow wetter at the sound.

“Fuck, Katsuki.”

“Say my name baby. That’s the only name you’re allowed to say.” You ran your hands through his hair tugging it gently. When you felt his breath hitch, you pulled rougher. He moaned into your neck leaving another sloppy kiss. He reached down to your wetness again.

“What if someone sees us?” You panted out as he pushed his hand into your panties.

“Fucking let them.” He grunted from the friction of you moving your thigh against his hard length. His hand found its way through your folds drawing out a moan from you. He drew some of your wet and started to rub circles around your clit.

“Katsuki, holy f-fuck.” You whimpered, he felt himself get harder at the noise. He smirked and slipped a finger into you, pumping it gently. Your hands gripped his shoulders and you tried to grind down on his hand. He held you in place with the other and added another finger, moving them in and out slowly. “Fucking move.” You groaned.

“Tch, after all that teasing you think you’ve been a good girl?” He nipped at your jaw and you whined.

“Katsuki please.” You were becoming desperate, you needed him. It was too much.

“Beg, Y/n. I want to hear your bratty voice beg for me.” His fingers moved at an ungodly slow pace. He used his other hand to fondle one of your breasts. He knew what effect he had on you, the fucking cocky shit.

“Fuck! Fine, Katsuki, please. Please make me come.” You moaned out, “Show me how to be a good girl, you good girl. Kats-“ You were cut off when his lips crashed into yours, he started to pump his hand at a faster pace, curling his fingers as he did so. You moaned loudly at his thumb putting pressure on your clit. You were coming undone, fast.

You reached your hands down pushing down his sweats enough to let him spring free. He hissed when you took his length into your hand and started pumping. You rubbed your thumb over the tip, feeling the precum leaking out. You picked up your pace and he moaned very loudly. “Ugh, baby. You feel so good.”

“I want you to come with me Katsuki. Let your good girl make you come.” His face dove into the crook of your neck muffling his moans a bit, he was close too. His fingers found your sweet spot.

“F-fuck, shit, Katsuki right there, please. Fuck don’t stop.” The combined pumping of his fingers and pressure of his thumb was too much. With one final curl of his fingers, you were coming. He swallowed your moans in a kiss. Your hand pumping faster as your body shook in his embrace, you were in pure bliss.

The sounds of your whining sent him with a long groan, he bucked his hips into your hand his cum landing on your thigh. You opened your eyes to see the immense pleasure of his features. He was so fucking hot. His forehead touched yours, the two of you panting.

“You better not be a fucking brat anymore.” He grunted, kissing your neck once more.

You looked up at him as he pulled himself off of you. “If it ends like this I think I’ll make it my personal mission to piss you off.”

His face scrunched up, “I was going to get you a towel, but you can fuck off!”

You giggled and reached for his hand. “Wait, no!” He laughed slightly at you, handing you a towel he had somehow pulled from thin air.

“You’re staying in my room tonight.” When he saw the way your eyes lit up he bared his teeth. “It’s just so you don’t touch that fucking melting ice cube!”

“Yeah right.” You laughed at him, lacing your fingers in his hand. “If you don’t want me touching him, then does that mean I can give you a massage sometime?”

He was quiet for a moment and glanced at you from the corner of his eyes, then rolled them. “Yes, you dumbass.”

[callmederok]

…and FF8 is another game that i finished

I don’t understand why is considered the worst Final Fantasy...while FF13 is out there with two sequels that have the same identical plot as the first FF13(the plot of the three games: Lightning must save her sister, and they have to fight a god that looks like a mechanical version of a biblical angel who plans total destruction of the world/universe). Ultimately I enjoyed playing this game ^_^

I’m pretty sure that Final Fantasy 8 is the best Final Fantasy among those that should be considered “average Final Fantasy” (i mean games that are rated 6-7 out of 10 by the majority of people) in my list we have: FF1, FF3, FF7, FF12

I can understand that the characters have one common arc which is defeating the Sorceress(first Edea, then helping Edea to lose her powers only to discover that she lost them when she got defeated by Squall&Co. in CD2 and then dealing with Adele and Ultimecia) may sound boring but I sort of liked, FF8′s world is very small even compared to FF7′s, not mention that aside from the main party we had to deal with Laguna, Kiros and Ward’s arc. so literally the game is 4 CDs long and somewhere read that they had problems adding everything Nomura wanted in the game.

and don’t even come to me saying that Squall is a lame copy of Cloud, mostly because Cloud suffers from PTSD, Depression, and Personality-Disorder, while Squall suffers from abandonment issues, fear of “feeling empty and sad when a friendship/love/someone dies” and the G.F Junction that erases someone’s memory, I don’t think he is depressed but his emotional issues made him close in his own inner “world”. They’re not even similar

The game should be considered very average in the end, flawed but enjoyable. For other stuff, who may be spoiler-ish continue to read(I'm mostly writing this review for myself, like a personal diary and out of boredom XD)

Let me put this parody of the game as an apology for the long post...and just roll with it, okay? XD

I’ll mostly ramble here because I’m not even sure how to start the list of things I liked or disliked of the game that for someone can be a spoiler (but guys remember that the original game came out in 1999 and the remaster is like a year old, I shouldn’t even warn you about the possible spoilers)

I loved Zell’s love story with the library-girl, it’s a short side-quest useful only to get one of his limit-break attacks, then we see the library-girl admiring Zell while he is eating hot-dogs in the epilogue, adorable and funny!

I didn’t like how everyone was pushing for SquallxRinoa since the beginning, I like the ship(I'm fond of every canon ship usually because the creator gives time for the ship to develop or create a subtle atmosphere of love between them) but here have like 4 guys, pushing a depressed introvert with abandonment issues in the arms of a normal girl(aside for the part where she became a witch thanks to Edea) even Squall right before entering in Galbadia’s Garden in CD2(which happens at the end of CD2) acknowledge how his friends are pushing for the ship with the Griever-ring subplot.

I didn’t like how every romantic scene between Squall and Rinoa, had “Eyes on Me” as a soundtrack, it’s a nice song, but Rinoa’s mother wrote it while thinking about Laguna, it’s a song about an untold love-story that never happened because Laguna ended up fighting in Esthar and then he met Raine in Winhill, and Giulia/Julia(Rinoa’s mother) cried over it on Rinoa’s father’s shoulder until she moved on...so in the end, the text of the song is pretty sad, feels like Shy of Sonata Arctica maybe less creepy tho. So yeah I would prefer a different song for their scenes, still liked them even with that song playing but feels bittersweet. I would love something like “Earth Angel by The Starlighters”(can you imagine? We would have a love song and Back to the Future reference in a Final Fantasy game and a pun about how Rinoa’s second limit-break “Angel Wings” and also a lovely song for cute scenes between them) but maybe I’m misinterpreting the real meaning of the song...go figure ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I liked the Junction System...way better than learning all the Materia-combinations in FF7 and hoping for the best.

I already said that i liked all the scenes between Squall and Rinoa...but one of them is the exception(but still liked for a different reason): The beginning of CD3 where Squall literally freaks out over Rinoa fainting/being in a coma, he goes from “My team is really pushing me for becoming Rinoa’s boyfriend and feels weird” at the end of CD2(right before the CD’s final boss) to “Please don’t die Rinoa, i’m so scared to be alone!!!” right after that said boss fight(which is the beginning of CD3 like i’ve already said) and the reason i managed to like it regardless of the extreme change in Squall is that at least we see how easily his abandonment issues gets triggered, how truly scared is to lose someone he cares about although we go from CD1 where he is mostly annoyed but still acted professional by her to CD2 where he is mostly neutral (there is the concert in F.H. where you can decide the tone of the their private conversation by which instruments you choose) to CD3 where she is Squall’s main focus and hug each other a couple of times (and CD4 is basically the Ultimecia’s Castle and the end credits so nothing really happens aside during the mid-credit scenes where they kiss).

I disliked how Ultimecia is not Rinoa from the future...I heard of that theory a long ago, it’s been dismissed since then, but usually, with time-travel, we have bittersweet endings, I would love the tragic time-loop ending or even Ultimecia being the Rinoa of a different timeline where she never met Squall (or Squall never got the contract from the “Owls of Timber” and basically only met once and moved on) and how this little difference “created” Ultimecia and the Legendary SeeD and ultimately Ultimecia-Rinoa didn’t connect to the past of her timeline but to the timeline, we’re actually playing. Honestly, I thought that Seifer’s act of allying with Edea and Adele was because Ultimecia told him that she is Rinoa from the future, and knowing that his romantic dream was becoming “Rinoa’s knight” he did his best to serve the sorceresses controlled by Ultimecia (YES this would have created a love-triangle, but there was no other serious explanation over Seifer’s obsessions which makes him just a whiny adult that belittle everyone for the hell of it)

And IF Ultimecia-Rinoa is from the same timeline, I would like it if she killed Future-Squall by accident discovers that she is Ultimecia, triggers all the game’s events just to let Squall kill her so that she could be “in the afterlife with Future-Squall and we have a tragic loop where Rinoa and Squall from couple becomes enemies out of necessity(Squall’s necessity to stop her because maybe Rinoa lost control of her powers and wipes out half of the world or something, and Rinoa’s necessity to stop herself once she discovers that she is Ultimecia and she knows that only Past-Squall and their friends will be able to stop her). 

The theory was debunked anyway, fair enough. 

I still enjoyed the ending I mean, Squall smiles and kissed Rinoa and everyone is just having fun, hell seeing Irving being polite and even bow politely to Edea/Mother is a happy surprise, or Selphie jealous while wearing Irvine’s cowboy-hat because Irving is flirting around...(and a part of me is asking: they don’t remember much...but they grew up in the same Orphanage this is something they remember...maybe not legally or by blood but why they don’t have sibling-feelings? Like you know...caring about someone like they’re part of the family...?? Or it’s a thing that may not happen?I mean Quistis admitted that her love for Squall isn’t actual love but more like “i care for you, brother” kind of affection...should be similar for the others?)

A scene I liked (in particular) is “Inside the Lagunarock” (which I can’t find a scene in English probably because I don’t know how it’s called, I call it “Inside the Lagunarock” as a reference to “Under the Highwind” from FF7) for the ones who didn’t play the game, it’s basically a scene where Rinoa sits on Squall’s lap and craves for the intimacy of feeling close, to hug, nothing sexual...the classic intimacy of a hug in a moment of fear, sadness and in her mind that time with Squall in the cockpit of the Lagunarock is all the time she has left before being contained by Esthar’s scientists by her own decision (then, of course, decides to go save her after his friends basically scold him for allowing her to seal herself). It’s not one of the most memorable like Rinoa waking up in space and watching the Griever-rings but it’s a cute moment they have.

Another thing i disliked is how Ellione in space looks like she is panicking over the need to tell Laguna the truth about Squall(that he is Raine’s kid, which is why Squall is always connected to Laguna during the “time-jumps/visions of the past” and never to Ward or Kiros, they’re connected by the blood-relationship of being father and son) but when Squall finally meet personally Laguna, the subject never comes up, and Laguna is unwilling to talk about Raine and tries to change subject (we saw the epilogue, ultimately he married Raine, then Ellione got kidnapped by Esthar, he saves her but he sends her back to Winhill alone because he promised to help Esthar to get rid of Adele in exchange for Ellione’s freedom, and meanwhile Raine dies soon after giving birth to Squall, and Ellione and baby-Squall are sent to the Orphanage managed by Edea Kramer and they met Quistis, Irvine, Zell and Selphie, which is also why Rinoa is never connected to those visions of the past, Ellione stated that can send back only people she knows). So yeah I wished a scene where Ellione makes the introductions even just “Uncle Laguna, meet your son, Squall”...good I just figured out that there is no origin for Squall’s surname (Leonhart)...I mean we don’t know Raine’s surname before marrying Laguna but she becomes Raine Loire by taking Laguna’s name...and Ellione arrived in Winhill before Raine’s death, enough to at least know that Squall’s actual surname should be Loire too, sure Squall Loire sounds weird but still, in theory, Squall is a Loire! (I just mindblown myself) So the Leonhart’s surname...is either made up randomly by Edea or by Ellione, it can’t be given by the Balamb Garden because the teachers use the Student ID! Squall doesn’t even give his own surname to Past-Edea at the end of the game. It just happens to have it or never being mentioned at all(bc this one was still one of those games where you could name the characters) 

or the surnames were mentioned in some old Ultimania and I’m mixing stuff up in my head?

So yeah I want a scene where they actually talk about it...or even a random scene before the ending scenes during-credits like:

After the death of Ultimecia, you can go back to the Garden, to talk personally to the characters(including Laguna, Ellione, Edea and Wedge, and Biggs if you talked to them on the Lunatic Pandora so they quit working for the Galbadian army) who are there for the celebratory party and Laguna, Squall and Ellione finally talk about this whole thing, and when you’ve finished to talk to everyone or to check Selphie’s web-diary where she wrote about this journey then you can go to the party and the credits start along with the epilogue”

The game is best among the average ones, my grade would be a B+ or an 8/10 (yeah like the number of the game: Final Fantasy 8 that gets an 8 out of 10 as a vote, lol)

Now a list of things I wish to see(but please Nomura, if you’re reading this, remember it’s a list of things I wish to see, I’m not forcing you into putting them, you’re the writer, not me and I want you to feel free to do whatever you want and please take your time) in a possible remake of Final Fantasy 8: 

- IF they want to do the same thing happening in 7 remake, where a character knows the future(see Aerith), don’t give it to Squall...it is a stretch with Rinoa(a stretch that I would like) but rather give it to Seifer, it would be a nice excuse to give him a full redemption(i don’t like him, but it’s the Final Fantasy version of Gary Oak from Pokèmon, arrogant, a bit of a jerk, and quite annoying) but no Whisperers/Ghosts, just say that it’s a timeline that for some miracle(or as a side-effect of the time-compression) got connected to the canon one and Seifer now knows things that may happen and knows stuff of the “First-Seifer” and decides to help Squall and friends instead because First-Seifer learned the lesson but when it was too late, still happy with Fujin and Raijin but with some regrets. 

- That famous conversation where Ellione tells Laguna about Raine’s son/Squall

- Maybe a longer game so SquallxRinoa can be improved (for those who don’t see the romance, like let have them a date before fighting with Galbadia’s Garden, yes we have the Fisherman Horizon’s Concert but people still complained that SxR is rushed...but people complain about everything...go figure)

- A new soundtrack for the cute/romantic scenes(unless they’re bittersweet/melancholic)

- A name for the braided librarian(the one who loves Zell) even just mentioned once it’s okay, I just want to stop to call her Library-girl or Braided Librarian XD

- Knowing why Rinoa and her father have such a bad relationship(it’s because the guy still feels like he is Julia’s second choice? Or because Rinoa is very Laguna-ish? Black hair, bold but funny attitude? Or Mr.Heartfilly was the nameless NPC soldier that is jealous of Laguna talking to Julia in the flashbacks at Deling City?)

- Remove the Chocobo puzzle, dear god that minigame is a nightmare!!!

- Hire trustworthy translators for the International version of the game, it happened with the NA-version of FF8, the same for the Italian version of DQ11, and now with the NA-version of FF7remake

- Maybe some RainexLaguna scenes(just a couple more, like Laguna doing a few errands for Raine in Winhill which would be a reference to Cloud helping around Sector 7 with Tifa)?

- A bigger world or bigger cities? I mean, how many cities there are in FF8? Dollet Timber, Deling, Balamb, Winhill, Shumi-village, Fisherman Horizon, and Esthar. (I excluded the Gardens...because they’re schools Duh!) okay that a war happened but the world is mostly covered by water with no islands or secret places(aside from the Laboratory where Ultima Weapon and Bahamut are located)

I don’t think I’ve more ideas, sorry for the long post, See ya Around!

If Toriyama is reading this(but I don’t think so but please if someone knows his Twitter account go tell him): a game made in 1999 managed to let two characters to hug each other, what’s your excuse for not giving us some LuminaryxGemma in DQ11? Your only success is a manga about people beating the living shit out of each other without any personal abilities...your creation got famous by mere luck <.<

[backofthebookshelf]

Book Recs for Magnus Archives Fans

I was just rambling in tags the other day about how my avatarsona was "the Archivist, but a public librarian: Oh, you like dirt?? Let me tell you all the dirt stories I have!!!!" so, uh, here I am I guess.

I'm gonna spare you all the M.R. James and Algernon Blackwood and House of Leaves and Blindsight; you know all that already. These are my horror backlist recs.

The Bone Key by Sarah Monette Y'all. Y'ALL. Kyle Murchison Booth was absolutely the Archivist before Gertrude. He was poached from the Parrington by the Usher Foundation and the Eye glommed onto him at once, because the Eye loves disaster queers who can't people right (and also Gertrude). This I believe to be true, and so will you.

Kyle Murchison Booth is an archivist at the Parrington Museum, which is somewhere in New England, sometime in the early twentieth century. He also has a lifelong entanglement with the supernatural which is almost entirely not his fault, and he would very much like it to stop, but he also feels responsible and he can't just let evil mirrors and cursed necklaces and possessed dressing gowns randomly eat people who have no idea what's happening. Even if it means he's going to suffer for it.

(This collection doesn't contain all of the Booth stories, so here I am going to link to "White Charles", which happens to be my very favorite Booth story.)

For you if your favorite part is: honestly everything about MAG, from the modern sensibilities about early twentieth-century-horror, truly eerie ghost stories, to suffering eldritch librarians (thanks to whoever tagged my most recent fic with that you're so valid), monsterfucking and soft gay pining. No happy endings here, sorry.

Bedfellow by Jeremy C. Shipp You may or may not have heard that Macmillan-Tor is launching a horror imprint, and I don't know how long it's been since a major publishing house has had a horror imprint, but I am EXCITE. This book is part of the trend that's the reason why: Tor.com has been publishing these kickass novellas for a couple years now, and their horror books are top notch.

One night a stranger knocks on a family's living room window and asks to be invited in. They ask him to stay the night. He's an old friend, after all, he needs a place to stay. You can't kick out your twin brother when he's just gotten divorced, no matter how much Gatorade he spills on your two-year-old hardwood floors.

For you if your favorite part is: the Stranger, this is all Stranger, it's terrifying and good.

Through the Woods by Emily Carroll A graphic novel, some of these were originally posted as webcomics (have you seen His Face All Red, and if not, why not???) and the only disadvantage to having them in book form is they can't blink at you. Probably. Very folktale-ish, with all the death and violence that implies, and also the slightly eerie feeling that you know this story already, and then it turns around and slaps you.

For you if your favorite part is: looking over your shoulder when the foley gets good; Once Upon a Time in Space (I know that's not technically part of the Magnus Archives but shush)

Universal Harvester by John Darnielle I am not usually a fan of artists who jump media. Just because you can write songs doesn't mean you can write novels. Apparently writing good songs doesn't mean you can't write good novels, though, because John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats (pretty sure that's his full name at this point) wrote Universal Harvester and I love him for it.

Jeremy works at a video rental place in Nevada, Iowa (it's pronounced Nah-vey-da, and yes it’s real, I've been there, and yes, it's probably haunted). It's the 1990s, and someone's been returning their VHS tapes with something on them that isn't just the movie. Footage that includes a barn that he recognizes, just outside of town.

Fair warning: this is not the kind of mystery that gets tied up in a nice bow at the end.

For you if your favorite part is: Jon losing it with paranoia in S2, The People's Church of the Divine Host, the Lonely

The Good House by Tananarive Due If this author's name is unfamiliar to you, RUN, do not walk, to your nearest internet bookseller and purchase every single one of her books immediately, you will not regret it. She also just came out with a documentary on black horror, Horror Noire, on the Shudder streaming service. They've got a free month if you aren't a horror movie person, it'd be worth your while. This book summary sounds like it's full of tropes. It is, but Due has the cred to write them well.

Angela Toussaint hopes to salvage her suffering marriage and her troubled relationship with her teenage son with a trip to her grandmother's house, a home so beloved the locals in small-town Washington state call it "The Good House," but tragedy strikes instead. Two years later she returns and finds that the tragedy isn't over, and it's not going to stop on its own.

For you if your favorite part is: the very practical statement-givers who know what's happening to them and Will Not Put Up With This Shit, the Desolation, the Hill Top Road statements

The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins Is this horror disguised as fantasy? Found family disguised as horror? Grown-up Neil Gaiman? Less grimdark George R.R. Martin? Honestly I have no fucking idea, but it's amazing. Fair warning, unlike Magnus Archives, this deserves all kinds of trigger warnings, including but not necessarily limited to: sexual assault, torture, mental manipulation, dysfunctional families, incest(?)

Father is missing, and his twelve children (though extremely talented in their own ways, and not strictly speaking children any more) are at a loss without him. But also, without him, things are starting to seem different. He might be God? They might not be human? (They were probably human once.) He might not be God but maybe one of them might be next? If any of them survive.

For you if your favorite part is: slowly turning into a monster, the relationships between entities and avatars, monsters hot (not kidding about the trigger warnings)

The Loney by Andrew Michael Hurley I have to keep reminding myself that Magnus Archives isn't really folk horror, there are two separate (if related) strains of British horror here and folk horror is not the one we're on, but at the same time I really want a good creepy rural pagan cult to show up in the series, you know? Anyway.

When he was a child, our narrator used to go with his family on an Easter pilgrimage to shrine on a bleak stretch of Lancaster coastline locals called The Loney. His Catholic mother was searching for a cure for his older brother, and she was convinced if they kept going long enough she would be granted her wish. The locals, however, are not huge fans of her annual visits, and even less so when the boys become involved with the goings-on of a pair of glamorous tourists.

For you if your favorite part is: the Lukases, I didn't realize until I was writing this up that I'm picturing Moreland House in the exact place described by this book

Eutopia by David Nickle One thing I love about the historical statements in Magnus Archives is just how truly historical they are. There's almost nothing in "The Piper" that isn't historically accurate - yes, Wilfrid Owen spent several days in a trench underneath the shredded bodies of his fellow soldiers. Like. You can't make up horror worse than that. But then you add monsters and it gets good. And I'm a sucker for early-twentieth-century history, it's such a bonkers time.

It's 1911 and the new Eugenics Record Office is sending agents out to catalog the disabled, infirm, and otherwise undesirable members of society so they can figure out what to do about them. In the utopian town of Eliada, Idaho, Dr. Andrew Waggoner runs from the racism of American society and straight into the influence of Mister Juke, the most troubling patient in his new practice. (Trigger warnings for, obviously, a whole lot of ableism. Treated like the monstrousness it is, but there's a lot of it.)

For you if your favorite part is: learning history through horror, the Flesh

A Head Full of Ghosts by Paul Tremblay I hate male writers writing about teenage girls, so you are going to have to trust me when I say that I had to check, several times while reading this book, to make sure that Paul Tremblay is actually a dude. He's very good. This book was kind of his breakout, so if you follow horror you've read it already, but if you don't necessarily then please do not miss it. His newer ones, Disappearance at Devil's Rock (Stranger, Spiral) and The Cabin at the End of the World (Slaughter, Extinction), are also good but not as good as this, I think.

Fourteen-year-old Marjorie is having a rough time - outbursts, hallucinations, paranoia. Treatment is difficult (and expensive) and her family ambivalent; they turn to a local Catholic priest, who recommends an exorcism and, to help manage those medical bills, a production company who's interested in filming a reality TV show about the process. Fifteen years later, Marjorie's sister deconstructs the now-famous show and wrestles with her own memories of childhood. Trigger warnings for ableism on the part of many of the characters, but not the narrative.

For you if your favorite part is: the Spiral, metafictional analysis of horror tropes

[floralgothpersephone]

Top Fave Fandoms

@akai-vampire tagged me in one of these fun little tag games. Thanks darlin! <3 <3 <3 I appreciate the thought! 

Rules:  Name your top 10 fav character from 10 different fandoms (and tag 10 people).  

Most people are putting in .gifs for each fandom... but I wrote a ... well a paragraph about my experience in each fandom instead because I am feeling some deep sort of nostalgia these days and felt like reflecting... so its all under a read more tag if you are interested in my ramblings. 

In order of my own discovery, and not importance! 

Twilight: Team Edward. don’t @ me, it was my first fandom experience and I wrote SO MUCH fanfiction before I knew it was even a thing. I published it on DeviantART thinking I was so clever, and finding fanfic dot net was WILD. My interest in that fandom was immediately crushed dead the day after Breaking Dawn was officially released and I realized I had read better fanfiction then what cannon gave me. I never even saw the movies because my interest was just gone. *shrugs* But the re-emergence of Twilight recently is giving me life. 

Teen Titans: BBRae... Then RobRae.... then RaeX.... then StarRae... then CyRae... listen.... Raven deserves all the love and attention??? Also, I was in this fandom back when the original series was being released and was in complete denial when it got canceled. And for years I was just reading fanfiction that had been completely abandoned as fanfiction authors just kinda disappeared one by one? It was like, interacting of pieces of history left behind in a void. I was still deep in the Teen Titan fandom when Teen Titans GO! Got released. So during that very very long time of zero new content, I got to re-evaluate all of my fanfiction standards and completely read most every single Teen Titan fic ever written in my thirst for more. Suddenly ships didn’t matter as much to me, I’d take anything and everything. So when Teen Titans GO! Came out, I LIKED IT AND STILL DO. I still think the years and years and years of being in the Teen Titans fandom and being pretty damn isolated from social interaction kinda ruined me for fandoms that are still alive. Social fandom interaction??? hahahahaha, whats that??? 

Akagami no Shirayukihime: Obiyuki... this was a complete accident and I only fell into this fandom because my fave Teen Titans fandom author was writing for it, and I was reading the fanfiction without ever seeing the show, and like, kinda loved these characters a TON??? Oh no??? Real talk, I read most of the fanfiction published by the fandom before ever actually watching the actual tv show or reading the actual manga. But the fanfiction was so good and so engaging and I was learning all about these characters through this mystery game of putting all the parts together by all the different authors??? I loved learning about these characters through the people who love them the most, and it was magical. But then that became my dirty dark secret as I was suddenly welcomed into one of the most kindest and generous online communities I have ever met??? I have nothing but absolute love for the Obiyuki fandom and family. I had never experienced that kind of community before and looking back on it I still don’t think it was real, stuff like that you can only dream of sometimes. I sat down and actually read that manga and Fiona sat with me so that I watched the tv series so that I could properly engage with them because I liked the people so much. And when life hit me square in the face and I had a complete mental breakdown in grad school, and socializing with people online would give me complete anxiety attacks... and I had to step away from it. But I still mourn loosing that, and I keep trying every so often to see if I can interact again but I fear some chapters just close, and I hold the time I had with it, and the memories from then very lovingly. I will finish those fanfictions though. Even though I have no idea what has happen in the manga anymore I want to at least finish those stories like what they deserve. 

Miraculous Ladybug: Love Square. Sooo much love square. All the love square. Only the softest, gentlest, most innocent fluff to cope with the world and all my anxieties, and this stupid show gave me all of that. Plus, there was so much fanfiction to choose from that I was actually able to use tags and warnings to be able to navigate finding things that were safe and not feeling like my options were limited? It was so good to me. I also had never actually watched this show, and was only reading fanfiction of it for... honestly a full year. And when I did actually watch the first 2 seasons... I still didn’t watch the new episodes when they got released, because I much prefer watching the fandom loose their collective mind and getting to play the mystery game of what the hell happened in the show according to the little spoilers and the things people were screaming about. It was fun spectating, and putting it all together. Then reading the fix-it fanfiction and being like “whoa wait, hold up CANON DID WHAT???” ... Honestly I am pretty certain I still haven’t seen at least 10 episodes. But I know everything that happened now! Have I mentioned that I have an insane amount of anxiety of actually watching tv shows on my own? I must have company or else it will never happen. Shout out to Fiona for sitting down and watching Ladybug episodes with me while I screamed into a pillow. And for the record, I did start writing a fanfiction for this one. But I learned my lesson and decided not to post anything until it was finished so I didn’t have to live with the guilt of yet another unfinished story to my name. It was a little mermaid AU, and Adrien is the mermaid princess obviously, while Marinette is a badass pirate. It was fun to outline and write like, 3 chapters but i doubt I will ever actually finish it. 

Greek Mythology: Hades/Persephone. Yoooo this is my current thing. I am living for the walking contradiction of the powerful stern Lord of the Underworld falling for a little tiny goddess of Spring... and then finding out the little tiny ray of sunshine is really a complete force of nature to be reckoned with and he just crowned her Queen of the Dead. Beautiful. Poetry. *chefs kiss*  Also. I DON”T HAVE TO WATCH ANYTHING. AND ALSO. ITS AN ANCIENT STORY SO LIKE, NO SPOILERS TO NAVIGATE. lol. But honestly this is just a re-awakening of little middle school Becca who was obsessed with the Odyssey and was learning how to throw pottery so that she could actually date her pots, to help out the archaeologists in the future. (honest to god, that one of my main motivations as a little 6th grader making her first pots on wheel) And she was making these super shitty small greek pots and giving them to her English teacher because her English teacher loved the Odessey too. And then Greece had a complete economic collapse and crushed all of baby-Becca’s dreams to get to travel to Greece and see the greek pottery. And she delt with that heartbreak by pretending it didn’t matter and went and found other cool pottery to fall in love with instead. But now its back with a vengeance and once again Becca’s plans to go to Greece got destroyed by yet another economic collapse but this one is just Pandemic style. I am going to get to Greece so help me gods.  And yes, I have written fanficiton for this one too, and its honestly like, pretty fleshed out and written down heavily in my notes. I just have to like, type it all out and polish it. But, we will see. I am not allowed to have nice things until I finish the stories that are already posted. :[ 

Hadestown: Hades and Persephone, love that made the world go round. This gets its own bullet because its a different category because its a Musical even if its also a Greek Myth. And talk about reading all the fanfiction before seeing the source material. But isn’t that the case with most Broadway musicals? LOL. But its okay, I actually went and SAW the musical for this one, and once again, Fiona joined me. I’m starting to wonder if my Fiona is just my fandom anxiety buddy. Also shout out to the Rona for canceling my plans to see it again, not once, but twice now. (I have to go back because I didn’t get to see Amber Gray perform the first time, and hello I am obsessed with Persephone she is my favorite and I really really really just need to hear Amber growl in person okay???) I do have nightmares that she has left the show for good and I will never see her perform Persephone. Like legitimately have had that nightmare multiple times this week. I am just recently trying to navigate the Hadestown fandom on tumblr and still fumbling around with that. No fanfiction for this one yet, but I am making fan-pottery so like. That counts. 

Aaaaand you only get 6 fandoms because these are the only 6 that truly matter. Anything else I have been interested in has only been a passing fancy and never one of the true hyperfixations. Also if you got this far and actually read everything, well done, I am impressed. Thanks for taking interest in my ramblings.  <3 

If I am tagging you its cause I want to play the game, don’t feel pressured if you don’t want to play. <3

@bookloverfio @ruleofexception @wingsofgossamer @claudeng80 @puns-are-funs65 @ourladyoftheundcrground @peachdoxie 

[jacktherph]

Actually, instead of a shoutout, could we get your opinion on the rp please? Thank you!

hi there @kismetrpg! i’m happy to give you an opinion. since you didn’t specify private, i will post this on my blog. feel free to ask me to take it down if that was a mistake.

NOTE: all opinions expressed here are mine, jack’s, belonging to jack. i make no claims to knowing what is best for every group – i only offer advice based on my experiences, what i’ve seen in the community, and my personal knowledge. no one person knows what is best for you or any group other than yourself; because you were the one who put all of this together in the first place. so take everything i say as a suggestion, and remember that you have accomplished so much!!

and if you have any questions, want feedback on something specific, or want elaborations on anything said in this opinion, don’t hesitate to message me!!

this isn’t just an opinion, it’s a shoutout and a rec! @kismetrpg looks like a really cool new supernatural-themed rpg set in new orleans, y’all!! with a unique lore, awesome factions, and tons of different species to take on, this is an rpg worth checking out!! they open on january 5th!

start: 1.20 | pause: 1.21 - 1.25 | end: 1.36TOTAL: 12 minutes to read all pages (please don’t take this as a measure of anything, I simply time myself and am a speed reader)

Before I say anything about the group and pages, this is a blanket recommendation: Read up on Apostrophe Rules and go through your pages with an editing eye. I’m definitely guilty of mixing up my apostrophe rules sometimes but I definitely noticed a lot of mistakes in pages like your plot. Fixing these can improve the overall professional atmosphere of your group!

My first impression was this: this is definitely a group I would have considered joining when I was looking for rpgs to check out!! You have a lot of lore, great details and descriptions provided, and the blanket plot seems really interesting. This is a fascinating looking roleplay, so I want to give you my kudos. Well done! The main is very clean, minimalist, if that’s what you were going for. All attention is definitely diverted to the heading image. Unfortunately without seeing the advertised “supernatural rpg” font, I wouldn’t know this group has supernatural intentions based solely on looks. I don’t know if you planned/wanted that, but I wanted to include that in case you were so inclined. Your sidebars are clean-cut and to the point and will, no doubt, fill up with things once you open I’m sure. I do like the blanket trigger warning on the top of the About–I don’t know if some might deem it entirely necessary, but you want potential members to know what they’ll be looking at before they delve into your info, and I respect that.

A word on your Navigation: I don’t know if, in your theme, you can divide the navigation up more than by two headings, but if you can I would recommend it. Personally, I would divide it into: “Before Application,” including plot, rules, app, forms, etc / “Lore,” (or similar title) including your info on the Council, Silence, bestiary, locations, etc / & “After Applying,” with what you have. If that doesn’t appeal to you, I would say just try and reorganize the links? Why I say this: because jumping around from lore, lore, to app info, to lore, to form info, all in the top was kind of confusing for me. I get having the most important things first but it did seem a bit mish-moshed.

Your Plot is spot-on. You gave me background, you gave me current happenings, you gave me how things went down, and that’s excellent. One thing: think about including a paragraph on when/how/why the Council was formed? I think that would wrap it all up nicely and send a potential member into the “Chapter One” section seamlessly. Because I was suddenly like “wait who are these guys?? Where did they come from??” when I saw their name. Just a thought. As a writer I adored how you put it in as a “Chapter.” Something about the word choice really made me feel like I was entering at the beginning of a story by applying.

Your Rules are standard and fill every criteria for base lsrpgs that I, personally, am aware of. Your last bullet-point in “God Modding” however brought up a curiosity that you might want to think about putting somewhere in your lore: the rock-paper-scissors effect of the supernaturals. Who beats who? Who has a natural weakness to who? Etc etc. Just something to think about? I like that your Activity Check window is 48 hours. Very appealing to people who want to join but also worry about Check limits. QUESTION: At the top of your Rules, you say this is a “canon and original character roleplay.” What canon? I couldn’t find a fandom influence–not a blatant one. If you don’t mean from a fandom, you might want to rephrase to avoid people applying with fandom canon characters. If you mean YOUR canon, might I suggest “an original canon and original character roleplay” instead?

I don’t really feel like I can give an opinion on your Lore pages – after all, the Lore is yours. But it all reads very simply, cleanly, and to-the-point. I feel like if I have any questions they are easily answered by hitting up the main, too. (And as an admin of an rpg with a lot of lore, just be prepared to answer questions that are answered already, semi-often. It happens, am I right? ;) ) Something that would be cool: snippets from the Holy Book of the False Silence. HERE a popular video game, Dragon Age, wrote actual verses from their in-world “scripture,” maybe you could too. It would be very immersive and exciting for people who are Followers!

I love your Location page – plain and simple. There’s pictures, info, territory info, even economy info! You really did your research on the Big Easy, huh? That is great because it can mean potential members will feel immersed. I also like that you included a form for new locations to be added; it makes the members feel more included for sure.

And your Bestiary makes me melt. Firstly, I love the theme. You provide a great deal of information and also the essentials needed; a good balance for people who have a species in mind and people who are species-shopping! Great images, great aesthetic too. But one thing: the Bestiary is very dark compared to the main and all other pages. That struck me. Would you consider going lighter with it, or going darker with the main? Something to give it a balance.

Your app is smart and clean – asks for the necessary info on the character but that’s it. I don’t really understand what you mean when you say “Be calm!” at the top but if you like it, it doesn’t change anything. Simple apps have their benefits for sure, especially on the person reading and reviewing them. Personally, I’d recommend adding a question or two unique to your group, but that’s just a suggestion. It works well either way.

So about your Follow List… it confused the hell out of me, I’m going to be honest. Some characters had blogs, some links were dead, who are these people? As I understand it you haven’t opened yet? I’m a little lost at what to say here because I don’t want to make assumptions, ramble, and be wrong. So if you want to talk that one out together, feel free to message me! Otherwise, that confusion is an outsider’s opinion and might extend to potential members as well. Your Events Blog showed information from 4-5 years ago though, and I’d recommend either archiving it or deleting those posts because it does make a knee-jerk implication that you’ve already begun things.

My FAVOURITE THING about this rpg: your plot and lore. While supernatural-themed rpgs are still pretty common in the rpc, you took your idea with a fresh heart and great twists and the vitality of it is definitely something that I can see giving you a good membership, as well as great stories to thrill those members with. Main plots, side plots, factions; all things that make a great lsrpg in Jack’s book™.

My LEAST FAVOURITE THING about this rpg: you have a lot going on–a good thing–but somehow when I return to the main it feels a bit… hollow. Maybe that’s because you’re still prepping and not-yet open. Maybe that will change when you get events and plots going. Unfortunately I can’t quite describe it, and please feel free to disregard this as rambling, but I feel like something needs to solidify this group in my mind and heart. Something in the story, perhaps, that leaves me craving to know what will happen. But you’re probably working on that with your plots, I’m sure.

Overall, this is a group with potential brimming from the proverbial cauldron. You have a lot going on and a lot to finish up and already some great generated interest. I think anyone who looks at this group can feel like they have a new world to play in, but also the comforts of the supernatural rpg genre to form a community within. I wish you the best of luck, admin!!

Sincerely,Jack

[tenroseforeverandever]

Dear Father Christmas... Chapter 1: December 24, 2016

Cover art by the wonderful @rose--nebula!

MASTERPOST

Characters:  Tentoo; Rose Tyler; Jackie Tyler; Pete Tyler; Tony Tyler; OC Hope Tyler-Noble; OC Charlotte Tyler-Noble; OC Wilfred Tyler-Noble

Rated: Teen

Tags: Family!Fic; Kid!Fic; Pete’s World; Letters to Santa; Christmas Fic; Family; Fluff; Hurt/Comfort; Angst; Romance; Love

Summary: When Rose Tyler was little, she always wrote a Christmas wish list to Father Christmas. As she grew older, the wish list became more of a letter to someone she could confide in once a year, but she fell out of the habit somewhere along the way. Now, as a new mum, celebrating her daughter’s first Christmas, Rose takes up writing her Christmas letter to Father Christmas once again.

Rose’s Christmas letters are excerpts from her life with her beloved Tentoo and their children in Pete’s World, written once a year, for each of 31 years.

Notes:

Part of my These Two Hearts series

Written for prompts provided by @doctorroseprompts​ over on Tumblr for their 31 Days of Ficmas celebration. I’ve played with the order of the prompts a bit, but I intend to use them all.

This will be a huge challenge for me. For those of you who know me well, you’ll know I am not a fast writer. To post one of these every day for 31 days will be pushing me well and truly to my limits. They may not all get posted on time, but they will get posted. Promise.

My eternal thanks to my brilliant betas @rose--nebula​ and mrsbertucci for picking up on the things I miss and for chivvying me along. ((((hugs))))

The first prompt is Hope. Please enjoy.

Also read at: AO3; FF.net; Teaspoon

December 24th, 2016

Dear Father Christmas,

Blimey! It’s been a while. I don’t think I’ve written to you since… well since Jimmy. That bloody wanker sucked the magic out of everything. He sucked the magic right out of my life. But that’s all right. The Doctor gave me back the magic and then some.

Oh my God! I just realized! Maybe you don’t even know who I am. Is Father Christmas even the same bloke in all universes? Are you a transdimensional entity? I reckon not, or else transdimensional travel would be possible, and we know for a fact it’s not, not any more.

I know I’m just being stupid. Transdimensional capabilities or not, you’re obviously just a fictional character, a product of children’s imaginations and a bloated, economy-driven society. Still, I bet the Doctor would disagree. He’d probably tell me Santa is an actual being from some planet with an unpronounceable name. Complete with elves too! I wager he’d say “lots of planets have a North Pole”. But most of his knowledge is based on the Prime Universe… for now. So even if you are real there, you may not be the same in this universe, or you may not exist at all.

Don’t suppose it matters anyway, yeah? It was just always nice to chat with you like this every year, so I guess I’ll start again. I missed this. Back in the Prime Universe, Mum got me started writing to you every Christmas Eve, even when I was just a baby. Those first notes were just a few pencil scratches. Complete rubbish. She loved them, anyway. She kept them safe for years, would bring them out every Christmas and show them around along with the naked baby photos, (especially if I had been a cow to her or we’d had a row.) But she had to leave them all behind in the Prime Universe with so much else from our lives. Embarrassing as they were, it would’ve been nice to be able to, well… Enough of that!

By the time I was four, I knew all my letters. I was so determined to do it myself, write my own Christmas wish list. Mostly it was just all the things I wanted for Christmas. But I always minded my manners. I said please and thank-you. I always asked after Mrs. Claus and the reindeer. And, I hope I was never greedy. Sorry if I was, even if you aren’t actually the right Father Christmas to apologize to.

As I got older, I realized you weren’t real (sorry!) and my letters to you became more of a diary. You know… private stuff I’d write every year, yeah. It was nice to be able to say things, to tell someone things I couldn’t say to anyone else. Course, I stopped for a while, because Jimmy… I’d never want him to find those letters and have that to hold over me. Anyway, it’s not like I’d ever had the chance to write them, working two, sometimes three jobs, just to keep that knob in fags and drink. And after a while, I just got out of the habit, and life took some good turns… and some bad turns. Then some really bad turns.

But now, life is completely brilliant! I have my Doctor by my side... forever! I have my own baby girl. (Hope’s her name and she’ll be writing you a note too this year!) And, to top it off, I’m actually dictating these letters now. Voice recognition software! The Doctor jiggery-pokeried it so when it’s printed it uses my handwriting as the font.

I’m rambling, aren’t I? Guess I’m just a bit nervous (and excited) about doing this again and getting Hope started too.

I think you’ll like Hope. But I’m warning you, I don’t think she’s quite like other babies. Well, I know she isn’t. She’s her father’s daughter, that’s for sure. Nine months old, and she’s already talking up a storm. Full sentences! Just watch, she’ll be able to use this voice recognition software… Course, I don’t know what her handwriting font will look like, ‘cause she’s pretty much like a normal baby in her gross and fine motor development, so no handwriting just yet. Her verbal and cognitive development, though… the doctors at Torchwood say it’s off the charts.

It scares me if I’m being honest. I don’t know how I can ever be a mum to her… a proper mum. Thank God I have the Doctor by my side to keep her entertained, because she takes in absolutely everything and it’s never enough. But he “gets” her. He knows how to keep her happy. We take her on adventures (safe ones, don’t worry!) all through space and time. And we explore. Oh, we explore so much!

But it’s so different from the way I explored as a kid, ya know? Here’s an example. We go to a beach, yeah, with rock pools and lovely sand too, and the water is so warm and wavy. Now me, as a kid, I’d splash in the waves and muck about in the sand with my pail and spade. And at the rock pool, I’d poke at a few beasties and squeal about them. It was all just in fun. But with Hope, everything is so intense. She investigates everything, and her Daddy is right there with her, coaxing her to connect the dots herself, filling in the bits she’s missed. The starfish (sorry, sea star − I must use proper terminology!) was carefully examined, all its little bits explored and then thoroughly researched back at the TARDIS, and not just the names of the bits, but the hows and whys of them too.

And then the Doctor reads to her… not baby books, but Harry Potter and Narnia and Oliver Twist. She’s even sounding out some parts herself. He’ll break out the sciencey stuff, the physics and chemistry and biology, and the maths too, when it has something to do with what happened on our adventure that day. And she hangs on every word. I don’t know if she understands everything he reads her, but she sure understands a lot of it.

She’s just so tiny, just an infant, but her mind is so big. Definitely bigger on the inside, our child is! I love her like I never thought I could love anyone, but I’m so frightened that… that… well, that she won’t love me, a stupid ape. How can I be a proper mum to her when she already knows more about bloody sea stars than I ever will?

Then there are those times when I hold her in my arms and feed her at my breast, when I snuggle her to sleep, and I breathe in her sweet baby smell. It’s almost normal. Sometimes I can even get her giggling, completely out of control, over the most simple things, like peek-a-boo. And when she bumps her head, her arms immediately come up for me to hold her and kiss it better. Me!  That makes me feel like a proper mum.

You should have seen her when we were putting up the Christmas tree this afternoon. Her fat little fingers were grabbing for all those bright shiny baubles, and her eyes were so wide and she didn’t know where to look first because it was all so pretty. And then Daddy came prancing down the stairs from the console room wearing a big red light-up nose and huge felt antlers on his head, and we were all in hysterics. I really felt like part of the family, and I kind of realized I don’t always feel that way.

It’s made me think, though, going forward, I really need to make a place for her in my life as she grows. I always used to love to paint and draw. Once upon a time, I was even going to go for my A-levels in art. Before Jimmy. I’d like to take that up again, and I could teach her too, eventually, when she can actually hold a brush. Maybe we could do that together. And singing and dancing, not to mention gymnastics when she’s old enough.

Blimey! This has been one weird Christmas letter, yeah? And I haven’t even asked for any presents. I honestly just want my family to be healthy and happy, and I want to be able to be a proper mum to Hope. Not really stuff you can just hide under the tree.

Oh! Here comes Hopie now, in her Daddy’s arms, all fresh from her bath. Hey there, baby girl! Are you ready to write your letter to Father Christmas? C’mere, sit on Mummy’s lap and maybe Daddy will make us a cuppa. (Thanks, love!) And, my darling girl, as soon as you’re finished with your letter, we better head right over to see Gran and Grandad and Uncle Tony. There’ll be hell to pay if we’re late! (I hear you moaning, Doctor!)

Okay, Father Christmas, here’s me, signing off for this year. Lots of love to Mrs. Claus and all the reindeer and elves too! Thanks for listening to me whinge. It really helped to get it off my chest. I know, I know! I need to tell the Doctor how I’ve been feeling, but I don’t want him going and feeling guilty just because he’s being a bloody amazing dad. But I’ll talk to him; I promise.

Happy Christmas!

love, Rose

[themadpuppy85]

Summoning Candyman Epilogue ( Jumin X Reader fanfic)

Fandom: Mystic Messenger Rating : M  Summary: “Jumin Han, Jumin Han, Jumin Han” you repeated in front of the mirror. When you wished for Jumin to be real on Halloween night, you didn’t expect him to turn out to be a criminal lord with a strange pet fetish…  Keywords: Super AU, self-insert, loss of control kink, pet kink, creepy dominant Jumin, criminal setting, yandere, also some Yoosung X Seven and Jaehee X Zen Author’s Notes: Apologies to everyone who expected super filthy sex – after the last scene in chapter 8, my beta and I came to the conclusion that there was nothing left to add, so this epilogue is mainly to tie up the loose ends (though I remain open to the idea of an extra chapter of smut because who doesn’t love more of that, right? XD) That said, it transits nicely for the next project, which I let you discover at the end ~ enjoy!

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8

Chapter 9: Epilogue

“You know, I never understood why he chose to bury you here. It’s just so…not you” Simon stressed, then frowned at his inability to express himself better. He didn’t mean the emplacement of her grave, not really; no one could have argued that the place wasn’t as exceptionally beautiful as the girl it guarded. Delicate flowers constantly bloomed around the headstone, like each of them was a tear from the angel engraved at its top; even the leaves of the willows surrounding it seemed to weep with gentle elegance, which was everything Erika had been.  Gentle. Elegant. And weeping, though most of them were too jaded or tactful to remember that fact. 

“Wouldn’t it be wonderful to live in a world without suffering, Simon?..” she used to ask. Hopeful, at first, as all idealists are; no amount of problems ever seem too many for serious caritative work to overcome, especially once the cure for the lentivirus was found. Years and repetition, however, slowly moved her focus from those solved to those remaining, until simple math laid the truth bare; it’d never be enough.  For one tree of misery down, a whole forest grew in its place; and while a more philosophical person would have argued that it was even more reason to keep trying, Erika’s fire turned inwards instead.  Guilt for those she was unable to save burned her soul like a fiery sun, and whereas despair drove her mind to radical cultism in the first loop, here she just escaped her cousin’s fretful watch, picked a bunch of syringes and walked straight into an odopium den.

With predictable results, considering the crazed junkies inside, although he wasn’t sure she had anticipated just how utterly brutal a death it would be. If not for herself, then for her loved ones; he couldn’t believe she was so far gone that she hadn’t considered how traumatizing it would be for Yvan to scrap her remains off the floor.  Perhaps she had simply thought they’d choke or bludgeon her to get the drug, and that eternal darkness wouldn’t come first soaked in red.  

Or maybe she did know, and chose to do it nonetheless; it’s not like she left a note to explain any of it. V swore it had been suicide by proxy and nothing else, and though it had certainly had been, Simon liked to think there had been more to it; that her recklessness had in fact been defiance, like a giant middle finger to the Fates that governed this world. It comforted him like a mug of hot chocolate, whenever he thought too hard about his own predicament, to imagine there had been meaning to an otherwise pointless end; to entertain that perhaps she had known, too, and sought her own exit. The theory that her own script prescribed that she always brought people down with her could be as good as any, after all; it was possible that she tried a scenario where it didn’t mean for innocents or her fiancé to suffer needlessly.

Not that she could verify it or that it actually worked even a teensy little bit; as such, he supposed Jehan’s choice of scenery made some kind of sense, at least on a symbolic level. Erika slept forever in her little plot of paradise, and the path to it was bordered with hellish gore; people who were crucified, dismembered, hanging by their entrails in a chorus of agonized moans that could be heard all the way up to the bridge like supplicants waiting to cross to the other side, her side, where forgiveness and peace might wait.

They certainly wouldn’t find any on this side. Identifiable as Jumin as Jehan might be, he had none of his Christian faith or capacity for mercy; and while V might have once have the heart to influence his friend, this version actually thanked him for being so gruesome.  Simon would have called it a perversion of the established order, but the recent events made him doubt he could even cling to that as a reference to what was supposed to be.

Hence why he was here.

“I don’t know where to begin, to be honest” he said out loud. Thoughts were bouncing in his head like in a ping-pong game, and it was hard to pick what was the most important. “I know you’d say to start with the beginning, but there’s not much on that side. We found the Chinese goods – thankfully, God, we did, otherwise I don’t know how many people Jehan would have shot to motivate us, I mean he was so pissed when his pet had her meltdown—” he rambled, then winced at his choice of words. There was really no hope if even he had internalized her as pet rather than girl, which was both the crux of the problem and not.

“It broke Yvan, in any case” he continued with practiced detachment.  He wasn’t sure if he had seen the girl or not, but the crazed look in his eyes when he had raced in his apartment left no doubt that he had pieced enough to understand, and, well — Simon had done his best to distract him with his dick, but hadn’t been able to stay hard very long once Yvan suggested he could be his puppy.  It wasn’t just the frail way he said it, like he was trying to make the girl’s plight okay by embracing it too, but his own reaction to the idea; for a brief second, he had been tempted to agree. It’d be trading a scar for another, sure, but Yvan would be happy, and—

He had snarled in disgust, at himself, as a warning, and Yvan hadn’t understood and ran away in tears, and he had been left... not caring, because he really didn’t, but... wondering. For all the worsening of the loop, it was still the first time he thought Yvan could have been happy.

And the girl was happy too, from what he understood. It was a horrible kind of happy, but she was happy nonetheless, blissfully so, apparently. Rumour had it that she rolled at Jehan’s feet every night in an imitation of a cat begging to be played with, with no sound out her lips but mewls of delight. Not that Jehan ever confirmed it, but the walls weren’t totally soundproofed, and she wasn’t exactly discreet in her appreciation of him. And if that was truly the case, then…

“I suppose I should mention her friend too, before going any further” he sighed. It hadn’t been pleasant to go behind his brother’s back and check the logs of his “volunteers” – poor saps who didn’t know better and were roped in with promises of a fat paycheck and an entry point into Jehan’s organization. Once they realized they were to be used as lab rats for his odopium’s experimentations until madness ensued, it was typically much too late.

He wondered if Maria had known the risks and still soldiered on for the sake of her friend, or if her demise at been by design. Another wish gone wrong, phrased wrong, “please, God, give me another opportunity to reach her”, and the next morning in the newspapers, that treacherous ad shining like gold—

Not that it mattered. The only detail of importance was that she hadn’t succeeded, because the previous times her role had; and while he at first had chalked it up to the worsening of the loop, suddenly he wasn’t so sure. Her death, cruel as it was, had after all reinforced the chances of the girl becoming Jehan’s pet, and thus, happy—

And, well, what if the loop wasn’t worsening every time, as he first assumed, but just… reverting?

Which was easily the most horrifying theory he ever had. To think perhaps what he considered the first world was in fact the last, and that the pendulum was just swinging back to its previous status quo, and that everyone would soon become so… twistedly happy again?

He’d rather die than ever having to find out what that meant for everyone, though he suspected dying wouldn’t be quite enough.

“I thought you would understand best” he confessed to the tomb. Since she made the same wish, in her way, it stood to reason she would give him her blessings was she alive.

“I’m going to make another wish to be free of the loop, ‘Rika” he admitted at last, his voice strengthening as his will took shape. “But not for myself, this time. I’m going to wish that every fucked up part of ourselves go their merry way to have their own brand of happy, in their own bibbity bobbity universe, I don’t give a shit as long as it let us return to what is right. Jumin will turn back into that good old robot we all know and love, and his Jehan part will go fuck girls into his obedient pets in another dimension, and it if it means I’m condemning a whole galaxy to misery, then so be it. I mean we’ll never know, right? We’ll be happy. And you’ll be too, this time, damn it.”

There was sudden gust of wind, a gentle breeze like a caress against his cheek, and he smiled one last time before pushing the words out his mouth:

“I wish…”

///THE END (…?)

A/N: “Puppy, why did you end it so quickly? We were just getting to the good part!” I hear you say. Not because I’m tired of writing, fear not, but because as I wrote this story I began to be more and more frustrated by the restraints of it being a fanfic – meaning I had to respect Jumin’s boundaries as a character, no matter how much I twisted him, and that severely limited me in what I could do with him. I dunno for you, but I want more – I want a story with a Jumin-type character where I can go all out on the kink scale without having to hold myself back because shit that’s not Jumin-esque enough. I want him psychopathic. I want him creepy as fuck. I want him out of his yandere mind at power 100000000000.

And so, I thought…why not? Better yet; why limit myself to written words? Why not a drama CD out of it, so we can lie on our beds and hear a sweet maniac romance us into being his pet?

For those still thirsting for MM, fear not, I still have Sharing is Caring to complete! For those who love the idea though, I leave you with this teaser while I prepare further material:

See you all soon! <3