#I just wish it wouldn't risk my health

[ariiiloves]

Usually when I'm feeling down, like right now, I bought myself a hamburger... but the thing is, this girl can't eat cheese and a cheeseless hamburger is just sad

[soulprompts]

CARING FOR THE SICK PROMPTS.

i found this list and kinda fed into it each time i got the flu or a migraine, and u know what, it's just me revealing just how much i love the caring threads and the soft threads and the fondly exasperated "let me help you" threads! use at your pleasure, DO NOT ADD TO THE LIST NOR EDIT IT! i will be changing it accordingly!

" i found you passed out in the kitchen. you wanna stop working yourself so hard? or do i need to keep hitting the gym to carry you to bed every day? "

" you're burning up. "

" your neighbour called me and said you could use a nurse. looks like they were right, too. "

" you were told to take it easy, so... yeah. this is kinda on you. "

" you took a sick day. you NEVER take a sick day. so yeah, i got worried, and i figured i'd come over and keep an eye on you. "

" you texted me a long and incoherent text that held about 90% of the emoji list and about four different languages. figured it wouldn't hurt to drop by and see how you were doing. "

" how long have you been sick for? and don't lie. "

" you look like hell. "

" i brought you some soup; let me heat some up for you? "

" okay. it's time you went to the hospital. "

" hey… hello there, sleeping beauty. you gave me a bit of a scare yesterday. how are you feeling? "

" i swear, if you even think of getting out of that bed… "

" you know when i said to call if it's an emergency? a fever is most DEFINITELY considered an emergency! "

" if you think you're going to work like this, you better think again. "

" don't worry. my family swears by this remedy; just let it work its magic and you'll feel good as new in no time. "

" I don't care about getting sick. i'm not leaving you until you're back to full health. "

" you didn't stop to think that this might happen when you're burning the candle at both ends? "

" yeah, I can play the role of nurse AND say "I told you so" at the same time, actually. "

" you better drink every last drop of this tea, no matter how disgusting it is. "

" i told my boss it was an emergency so they've given me a full week to look after you. "

" quit being so stubborn and get into BED! "

" what part of doctor's orders hasn't sunk in yet? bed rest! for the WEEK! "

" right, where do you keep your saucepans? i'm going to make you my famous noodle soup. it's a cure-all, i'm telling you! "

" hey, unless you're going to the bathroom or the sofa, I don't want to see you out of that bed. got it? "

" when are you gonna start letting people look after you, huh? "

" i know, i know, i turned off all the lights once i figured you had the migraine. you want some tea? water? "

" don't be mad, but i saw your fridge, and... it frightened me. so i've taken you back to my place, and i'm gonna get deliveroo to bring some groceries to your place tomorrow. okay? "

" i know your appetite is a little off, so i ordered in a whole tonne of options. just try a little bit of something, please? for me? "

" i've brought half a pharmacy, enough movies and boardgames to last us a decade, and every single snack i could fit into the basket at the grocery store. so sit your butt down, eat your soup, and try and make the most of your bed rest for the next week, will you? "

ACTION PROMPTS ( SEND THE FULL LINE! and feel free to reverse if u wish! ):

[ TOUCH ]: sender gently rests a hand against the receiver's forehead to check their temperature.

[ DAMP ]: sender presses a cool cloth against the receiver's face, neck and forehead to try and lower their fever.

[ BLANKET ]: sender wraps another blanket around the receiver to try and stop them from shivering.

[ SPOON ]: sender gently coaxes spoons of soup into the receiver's mouth to build up their strength after an illness.

[ CARRY ]: sender, finding the receiver weakened/unconscious on the floor, immediately lifts them up and carries them back to bed.

[ AROUND ]: sender keeps a protective arm around the receiver to help them walk without the risk of stumbling or collapsing.

[ STAY ]: sender decides to stay by the receiver's bedside after learning that they're sick.

[ HAIR ]: sender smooths back the receiver's hair in a soothing gesture to try and help them go back to sleep.

[ TILT ]: sender tips a bottle of water up for the receiver to sip from.

[ HUM ]: sender hums/sings to soothe a sick receiver back to sleep.

[ BACK ]: sender gently rubs the receiver's back, either to soothe them or warm them while they're unwell.

[ SHARE ]: sender climbs into the receiver's sickbed with them, wrapping their arms around them to offer warmth and comfort.

[ SHOWER ]: sender, learning the receiver has a high fever, takes a cold shower with them in order to lower their temperature.

[ WAKEN ]: the receiver wakes up in bed, having been found unconscious by the sender and carried into the bed from the floor.

[ QUARANTINE ]: the sender and receiver, both being sick, decide to quarantine together and spend the recovery period with each other.

[brokenmenswhore]

Hey hey! I love your Aegon fics so much that I want to know if you would write a story where after your kid with Aegon passed away, he promised never to touch you again so you wouldn't have to endure bearing more of his kids and witnessing their death. But you yearn for your husband every night and will act dirty to make him touch you again. By acting dirty I mean doing sexy things to instigate him when he's alone with you.

of all the things in this life that i’m good at, being intentionally sexy is NOT one of them, so i’m hoping this isn’t awkward :) my biggest fear is that someone’s gonna not like what i write for their request i’m on my knees pls don’t hate me

all in | aegon ii targaryen

pairing: aegon targeryen x fem!reader

warnings: angst, mentions of a deceased child, smut (MDNI 18+)

────── ☾ ──────

It had been three long, dark, and lonely months since the death of your son.

He passed away at only a few weeks of age due to health complications, and both you and your husband, Aegon, were left devastated.

Aegon had a tendency to blame himself for anything negative in his life, his self hatred running through the depths of his soul. Your son was his heir, and he felt as if he lost a piece of himself, and blamed himself for the health issues your child was having. “It must be from me,” he would whisper to himself, almost incapable of accepting that some things he could not be faulted for.

When Grand Maester Orwyle proclaimed your son dead, Aegon broke. He was hysterical, unable to speak, the only sound from his lips was an occasional scream of anger and sadness. You grieved in private, the joy you felt from your son’s birth still so recent that your stomach was still not yet back to a normal state.

The first few weeks were hard on both of you, but you at least attempted to lean on each other. However, Aegon was difficult to console when he got in his own head. You were both laying awake in bed, comforting one another when your hand ran across his chest, toying with his shirt. As difficult as the week had been, you were desperate to feel close to your husband in some capacity other than sadness and grief.

Aegon sighed and moved your hand away, rolling over on his side and turning his back toward you. You stayed stagnant and stared at him for a moment. “Aegon?”

“We can’t.”

“I know this grief is still very new, but I-“

“We can’t, ever.”

You sat in disbelief. Tears threatened to spill from your eyes at his words. You were in need of comfort, as was Aegon, and his declaration frustrated you. “And why not?”

“I refuse to risk putting you through this again.”

You were speechless. You tried to think of something to say, a few small noises leaving your lips as you tried to begin a sentence, but to no avail.

Aegon could hear your attempts. “What you have been through these past few weeks- I cannot watch you bear another one of my children, only to endure the pain of losing them again. I have never seen you happier than the day our son was born, and now-“ Aegon’s voice trailed off, “It is not worth the risk.”

Tears of sadness and frustration were now freely falling, Aegon’s back still to you as you spoke, “you do not seriously intend for us to never be intimate again. For the rest of our lives, Aegon, I need you. I am all in. Are you not? Do you not need me as well?”

“I need to relieve you of this pain more,” he responded, “and there are more than enough whores in King’s Landing.”

Your breath hitched in your throat at his final comment. You couldn’t believe he said such a thing. You knew he was hurting, and oftentimes pushed you away when he was, and you decided to assume it was an intentionally harmful comment meant to do just that. You chose to believe that he didn’t really mean it, but you still wished he didn’t say it. You understood his pain, but that didn’t make it alright to take it out on you.

You didn’t dignify his comment with a response, you simply rolled out of bed, fighting to maintain your composure as you walked out of the room, slowly shutting the door behind you.

The next morning, you returned to your shared chambers to ready yourself for the day, and Aegon was already up and dressing.

“Where did you sleep?” he asked.

You untied your robe as you approached the outfit laid out for you by your handmaidens. Handmaidens stopped assisting you and Aegon without being called into the room, as per your marital request.

“Elsewhere,” you stated.

Aegon sighed. “That is not an answer.”

“Why should it matter to you? If you get lonely, you can simply bed your whores,” you spat, throwing his comment from last night back at him.

Aegon didn’t handle you being mad at him very well. He needed everyone to like him at all times, but he didn’t cherish anyone’s opinion of him as much as he did yours. Knowing you were upset with him killed him.

“Do not be upset with me,” he pleaded, standing behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Oh? I thought we were not to touch each other any longer?”

Aegon retracted his arms, moving directly next to you so he could catch your eyes. “I don’t want you to be upset,” he said.

“Then do not promise to deprive me of something you and I both want and need.”

“I cannot put you through this again. Do you not understand that? Whatever is going on within me, it passed something bad down to our child, and if we remain intimate I risk you falling pregnant with another child we will inevitably lose. As your husband, it is my duty to ensure you do not have to go through such a thing again.”

“It is out of your control, Aegon,” you said, your voice low as you held his face in your palms, “and it is not your fault.”

He held onto your wrists, but didn’t move your hands. “This decision is not meant to hurt you.”

“I know.” Aegon was set in his decision, which meant that there was no point in arguing with it right now. You did not have the energy.

────── ☾ ──────

The next several weeks were filled with longing, your heart and body yearning to be close to your husband, now that it had been three whole months since your son passed.

You didn’t press the subject with Aegon, allowing him room to breathe. It was difficult, and you found yourself needing him more and more the longer you went without him.

You knew that despite his decisions, you always had power over Aegon. He was completely enamored with you, and oftentimes changed his mind to match yours. When he made decisions you didn’t agree with, it took a hell of a lot of fighting to get him to falter, but it was not always impossible. This particular instance couldn’t be impossible- you couldn’t survive without him.

“We we supposed to depart last hour!” Aegon called out to you, waiting by the door with his guards for you, the hour getting later and later. House Dondarrion was hosting the Targaryen family for supper at Blackhaven as a gesture of appreciation for the King’s assistance in the Stormlands.

Your handmaidens tightened and tied the final strings of your corset. It was new, and made specifically for you, only this time, you made special requests. It was the standard green and gold, and still kept you covered, but less so than usual. The garment left your chest nearly exposed, just as you had planned.

“They must have forgotten your measurements, Your Grace, there is not nearly enough fabric,” one of your handmaidens spoke, fidgeting with the seam on your cleavage.

“It will do just fine, thank you very much,” you said, “we must be going.”

You were escorted to meet up with your husband, who couldn’t look away from you the moment you came into view.

“What the fuck is this?” he whispered the moment you were next to him.

“What ever do you mean?”

“Everyone here can see too much of you in that,” he continued.

You shrugged your shoulders, playing nonchalantly dumb. “They must have forgotten my measurements.”

You gazed up at him, and he could tell you were playing him. He knew you well enough to tell.

“What are you trying to do?”

You brushed your hair from your neck to behind your shoulder, making even more skin come into view. “Waiting to leave. We are already behind, are we not?”

You started to walk away, but Aegon grabbed your arm and pulled you back. “You can’t possibly think I’m going to let you leave in such a thing.”

“It is not your choice.”

Aegon knew that despite the roles placed on both of you from a very young age, he couldn’t control you if he tried.

Throughout supper, Aegon was on alert to the gazes of other gentlemen upon his wife. Many approached you two to offer their condolences for the loss of your son, making you tense up and your breathing quicken from stress, which only made your chest more obvious.

You could tell Aegon was bothered, but that’s what you wanted, so you made no effort to be modest.

“Rather lewd tonight,” Aemond said, standing behind your chair, greeting you for the first time all night, “don’t you think?”

“Perhaps,“ you responded, taking a sip from your cup.

Aemond leaned down next to your ear and whispered, “What’s he done then, hm?”

You giggled at the question, Aemond smiling as he stood tall and moved to greet the people next to you, ending your interaction. Aegon couldn’t hear what Aemond said, but Aemond being so close to you and whispering in your ear angered him.

“What did he say?” Aegon asked, unable to help the curiosity.

“Nothing of importance,” you said, remaining stoic.

Aegon’s nostrils flared as another member of House Dondarrion approached the table.

Aegon remained observant the entire night, a possessiveness consuming him as he intentionally stared at anyone who gawked at you, his gaze intimidating them into looking away.

When you returned to King’s Landing, you retreated to your shared chambers.

“It does not befit a queen to dress in such a vulgar way. I cannot fathom why you would do such a thing tonight,” Aegon said.

You poured two cups of wine as you replied, “you cannot fathom? Dear husband, I think you can. Take a guess as to why I may behave as such.”

You handed Aegon one of the cups, taking a sip from your own and intentionally tilting it too far upward, the red liquid spilling down your neck and onto your chest.

“Fuck, what a shame,” you spoke, placing the cup down and moving your hair behind your back.

Aegon watched you swipe a thumb over your bottom lip and suck the wine off of it.

“Stop it,” he warned.

“Stop what? You cannot expect me to just stand here covered in wine,” you quipped, “do you happen to have a cloth?”

Aegon retrieved an used cloth from the table next to you, holding it out to you, as if to say ‘here’s the cloth you absolutely knew was there and only made me grab to mess with me.’

“I can’t see my own neck,” you said, “help me?”

Aegon sighed in frustration, moving the cloth to clean your chin, then your neck, moving it lower and lower. He watched the muscles in your neck flex as you swallowed, and he didn’t even think about holding his actions back before his lips were on your neck, cleaning off the wine with his tongue.

Your mouth opened and a small sigh left your lips, the feeling of his mouth on you after so fucking long making you needier than usual.

Aegon moved down to your breasts, licking and kissing the top flesh of one of your breasts before jolting back and wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. “No.”

“Aegon-“

“Please, I don’t think I’m strong enough for this.”

Aegon dropped the cloth back onto the table and marched out of the room, leaving you worked up and your breasts coated in wine. You let out a disappointed huff as you called your handmaidens in to run you a bath, hoping it would help you relax.

The next morning, Aegon had council business to attend to all day, but he had made an unfortunate mistake when you first wed: he told you that you were always welcome in council meetings, and that he would cut out the tongue of anyone who tried to speak against your presence there.

You swung open the doors to the council room, all heads turning toward you as you walked over to your husband.

“What is it?” Aegon asked, sitting taller and taller the closer you got to him.

“You said I was always welcome in these meetings, Your Grace.”

You seldom ever called Aegon by his title, but you knew that doing so drove him crazy. You noticed him shift slightly in his chair.

“The current matter of discussion is rather important,” he said.

“I would hope so, you’ve been in here all day,” you said, gripping the back of Aegon’s chair and pulling it with all your might, a seated Aegon inching a tiny bit away from the table. You were giving it your all, but could only move the chair a small amount back.

“What are you doing?” he asked, as the rest of the council just watched the scene play out. They knew better than to question you in these meetings.

You then sat yourself directly on Aegon, adjusting yourself so that you were comfortable in his lap, but he could still see the table. You were acting immature, but that was the point.

“This is entirely inappropriate,” he whispered into your ear, evidently tense. He was genuinely annoyed at you for sitting on his lap in the middle of a council meeting, but you didn’t care.

“I thought that was something you liked about me?” you whispered back into his ear.

You made brief eye contact. Aegon didn’t want to embarrass you in front of the Lords at the table, so he maintained a whisper. “Get up.”

You smiled, making the council think you were not in an argument, but rather exchanging a few private sentences before returning to duty. You leaned your head back so you were in his ear again. “No.”

“Your Grace,” Lord Commander of the King’s Guard and Hand of the King, Criston Cole, interrupted, “forgive me, but this is rather urgent.”

“Right then,” Aegon said, turning his attention back to the meeting as you remained on his lap.

The men all began to speak of war strategy and politically advantageous pairings, Aegon’s arm instinctively finding its way around your waist to keep you in place.

Every few minutes, you shifted your positioning, intentionally grinding down on his cock. He gripped your waist to try to stop you every time, but it never worked.

When the meeting was finished, you hopped up and left the room before Aegon could catch you.

Later in the day, he caught you walking alone to the library, and he pulled you into an adjacent hallway.

“Don’t ever do that again,” he warned, “that little stunt you pulled during my council meeting? Never again.”

“I do not know to what you refer,” you said, slowly pulling up one side of your dress, revealing more and more of your thigh until your entire leg was exposed, giving you room to dip your fingers underneath your dress.

“What are you-“

“It seems as though I’ve forgotten to put on anything under this dress,” you said, looking up at Aegon through hooded eyes.

“Don’t you dare,” he said, watching your hand disappear fully underneath your dress.

“Would not have to, if only I found myself a husband to do it for me.”

“Don’t,” Aegon demanded, grabbing your wrist and stilling your hand.

“Please,” you pleaded, desperation in your eyes as Aegon looked at you, nearly breaking.

Instead, he dropped your wrist, walking away from you again and leaving you alone.

────── ☾ ──────

When Aegon entered your chambers that night, you were already bathing. You were resting your head against the cool metal of the bathtub, your knees visible over the water, your body partially covered by the weak bubbles on the water’s surface. You opened your eyes when you heard the door open, and Aegon approached you, pulling one of your handmaiden’s stools next to the tub and taking a seat.

“What is it, Aegon?” you asked, re-relaxing and closing your eyes.

“What are you doing?” he asked, and you didn’t see it, but his eyes ran up and down the length of your body as he spoke.

“Bathing?” you answered, almost more of a question than an answer. What you were doing was blatantly obvious, so the question confused you slightly.

“If this is another one of your dirty tricks, it won’t work.”

You let out a deep breath. “It’s not, I really just wanted to relax.”

You opened your eyes, and Aegon cocked an eyebrow at you. “I’m serious, Aegon. I’ve tried enough, and it has not worked. I give up. That’s what you wanted, right?”

You meant it. You were tired of trying to work him up, instigate something, or be lustful, if it was never going to work. You were tired of throwing yourself at someone who clearly did not want you anymore.

Aegon didn’t respond, he just continued to watch you as you closed your eyes again, relaxing into the water. He could see most of your body beneath the surface of the clear liquid, the bubbles almost entirely dissipated.

You heard a small whisper of your name, but you kept your eyes closed, allowing yourself to continue winding down for the night.

Aegon reached out to run his hand over your knee, and the feeling made you jolt slightly, your eyes opening at the sudden contact. You gave Aegon a confused, somewhat concerned look.

“You would truly risk experiencing the tragedy of losing our son again?” he asked, his voice the smallest you’d ever heard it, “just to have me?”

You placed your hand on top of his. “What happened was out of our control. If the gods did not intend for him to be your heir, so be it. It cannot be a fault of our own. We did not bring it upon him, Aegon. We have no knowledge of what could happen given another heir, and this tragedy is not reason enough for me to give up on having children. I think it unfair of you to make such a drastic decision on my behalf. If you do not wish to be intimate with me because you yourself do not desire it, then so be it, but you do not get to make these decisions for me. I did not choose to be without your touch, Aegon, and it is unfair for you to choose it for me.”

It was the most you’d said at one time since your son died.

“I miss you,” you added.

A tear fell down Aegon’s cheek. “I never want to see you in pain again.”

“There is no guarantee you would. There is not even a guarantee I will fall pregnant again.”

Aegon knew you were right. He was making decisions for you, and he knew he had no right to, he was just so scared. He hated seeing what losing your first son did to you, and he thought he was doing right by you by not risking a pregnancy and then loss of another. He did not realize the damage he was doing.

He was lost in his thoughts, and you took his silence to mean that he was sticking to his word. “Please just let me rest, Aegon, I do not wish to rehash the same argument again.”

You fell back into your relaxed position, removing your hand from Aegon’s and resting both of your hands on either side of the metal tub.

Aegon only spoke a small whisper of your name again before moving his hand down your leg, sinking beneath the water. You maintained your position. He made it clear to you he did not want intimacy anymore, so why would he actually be doing something intimate?

You were caught by surprise when his hand reached between your legs and he ran a finger between your folds. You inhaled a sharp breath, your eyes remaining shut as the feeling was too good. Even if this stopped right now, you needed to make the most of the feeling while you had it.

Only, it didn’t stop. Aegon continued to feel you, circling his finger around your clit, causing your head to fall back even further as a soft whine left your lips. Aegon hadn’t heard the sweet sound of your whines and moans in ages, and one tiny noise from you made him completely forget why he ever vowed to keep himself away from you.

The water was sloshing slightly as Aegon moved his hand, inserting a finger into your hole as his thumb took residence on your clit, keeping the stimulation there as he began to push a finger in and out of you.

He watched you writhe in the water, your hips beginning to grind up into his hand. “A-Aegon,” you tried to catch his attention, but he was so consumed in you that he took it for a moan.

He leaned over you, his face mere inches from yours. “Say my name again.”

“A-Aegon, I was t-“

Aegon cut you off by kissing you, catching you off guard and making you squeal with surprise into the kiss. He began to move his hand faster and faster, the water nearly spilling out of the tub from the movement of his arm.

You moved to grab his wrist, and he pulled away from your mouth briefly to inspect your face and make sure you were alright.

“As much as I want you,” you breathed out, “I don’t want to do anything unless you do as well.”

Aegon didn’t verbally respond, as he often didn’t, but instead kissed you, hard. You held the back of his head, deepening the kiss as he added another finger into you, a moan escaping your throat into the kiss, only egging Aegon on more.

“Fuck,” you whimpered when Aegon pulled away.

He leaned down to kiss your neck, not caring at all about the water hitting the side of his face and drenching his hair.

You moaned and whined as his fingers fucked you at a violent pace, curling when they hit the sweet spot within you that had your breathing nearly stopping for moments at a time.

“Aegon, I’m-“

Aegon lifted his head so that he was looking directly at you. Your eyes squeezed shut as your climax hit you hard, Aegon removing his hand from you to grip either side of your face and kiss you as your orgasm washed over you, your juices mixing with the bath water.

Aegon softened the kiss as he felt your breathing calm down, only pulling away when your muscles released their tension beneath him.

“Thank you,” you sighed.

“Get out of this thing,” Aegon said, standing up and holding out both of his hands to you.

You placed your hands in his, allowing him to help pull you to a standing position. You shivered as the cool air hit your bare, wet skin. You stepped out of the bathtub, anchoring your balance on Aegon. When you stepped onto the ground, Aegon pulled your waist against him so quickly that you nearly fell over.

“If you’re all in, I’m all in,” he spoke.

You gave him a genuine smile. “I’m all in. Always have been.”

Aegon leaned down to kiss you again, backing your bodies up slightly so that you were standing directly next to the stool.

Aegon then became almost carnal, having been without you for so long that he was too impatient now to wait any longer.

Aegon pulled you away from him and spun your body around, pushing you down until you were bent over the stool he was sitting on mere moments ago.

He undid his breeches and pushed his clothing down, leaving his lower half exposed.

He held a hand out in front of your face. “Spit.”

You did as you were told, giving him the lubricant that he spread on the head of his cock as he lined himself up with your entrance. He began to push into you slowly for a moment, before slamming his entire length into you.

You cried out at the feeling. One of his hands gripped your waist while the other fisted into your hair, pulling your neck back as he fucked you from behind. He was snapping his hips from the first thrust on, the pressure causing your body, and subsequently the stool, to shift forward with each hit.

“F-fuck,“ you moaned, “I missed y-you, Y-our Grace.”

The title only made him more feral, his grip on your hips destined to bruise you as he slammed into you viciously. He growled and groaned behind you, subconsciously trying to make up for months of deprivation.

You came again, the feeling of your walls squeezing his cock like a vice pushing him over the edge, despite the sex not lasting long at all. His body was in desperate need of you.

He bottomed out inside of you as he came, spilling his seed within you as he calmed down for a moment before pulling out of you.

He released his grip on your hair, allowing you to push yourself up. You nearly lost your balance, but Aegon caught your waist with his arm.

“I missed you too,” Aegon spoke, “what a fucking idiot I am.”

“Yeah, but that’s not new,” you teased, giving him a sweet kiss to show your forgiveness.

[tinyhrry]



Angst

untitled (@avatar-anna)

Grief Pt 2 (@avatar-anna)

The Maid of Honour & The Best Man (@musicforastylesrestaurant)

Why Dont U Love Me? Pt 2 (@alltheloveflowerh)

The Boxer Pt 2 (@ever-since-kiwi)

I wish you were the one who told me (@meetevieinthehallway)

Commitment Pt 2 (@harry-writings)

Friends before fans (@finelinevogue)

Take my money (@gucciharrywritings)

Destiny (@freedomfireflies)

Thick and Thin (@theonewiththefanfics)

Reconcile (@talesofstyles)

High (@harryisalrightig)

Champagne Problems (@allyouneedisbuck)

Love you goodbye (@atharryshouse)

Canyon moon (@gucciwins)

She can see we're lonely down here (@violetsandfluff)

A small phone call (@twohearts-hs)

Trust (@shroombloomm)

Pull me in (@hunflowers)

Just called to say I love u (@avatar-anna)

Better Man (@avatar-anna)

In sickness and in health (@talesofstyles)

Failure (@avatar-anna)

to love someone (@ineffablywriting)

Second (@missmielyhoran)

you are the love of my life (@finelinevogue)

worst daddy ever (@whitemancumslut)

future gf (@avatar-anna)

rivals (@avatar-anna)

interesting (@goldsainz)

Fluff

birthday boy (@finelinevogue)

drive my car (@mulledcherrywine)

No guarantee (@allofurlove)

Girl Gone Live (@avatar-anna)

When in Rome (@finelinevogue)

Drama Queen (@sunflowerkiwis)

Wardrobe Malfunction (@watchmegetobsessed)

Drunk on a wedding (@harryyskiwii)

Favorite Holiday (@tsumtsumrry)

Puppy Love (@watchmegetobsessed)

Highschool Lovers (@haaarry)

Class Buddies (@ever-since-kiwi)

Waiting for you (@watchmegetobsessed)

Chubby Cheeks (@jarofstyles)

Bo Peep (@haarrrys)

Anything for his girls (@flwrsforu)

Shoot ur shot (@finelinevogue)

Wouldn't it be nice (@ill-be-your-honey-bri)

Where the world takes you (@havethetimeofyourstyles)

Princess Jasmin (@harrysmimi

New York streets & dreams (@sweet-creature101)

What dreams are made of (@flwrsforu)

Sick on tour (@musicforastylesrestaurant)

At the brits (@hes-writer)

Times you were at Wembley with harry (@harrysfolklore)

Lots of loving (@daaydreamy)

Finally Free (@be-with-me-so-happily)

Before the show (@avatar-anna)

Home (@musicforastylesrestaurant)

Childhood Friends (@harryyskiwii)

In your rainbow paradise (@anabsolutetrainwreck)

Instagram Live (@astranva)

Good job (@daaydreamy)

Love at the coffee shop (@gucciwins)

Interesting enough? (@finelinevogue)

Brother's best friend (@watchmegetobsessed)

We're really funny (@mosh-4)

asking for her hand (@ameliaskdr)

GQ couples quiz (@glitteredrry)

worth the risk (@gucciwins)

Smut

No more games (@watchmegetobsessed)

Better now (@bopbopstyles)

Series

Pregnancy Series (@avatar-anna)

Our Story (@daisyblog)

Songs of hers (@chaoticloving)

Kiss me in the dark (@finelinevogue)

Young dad!harry (@avatar-anna)

[rwbyrg]

How do you stay positive seeing all the negativity we get for shipping this?

I don't typically talk about discourse, but I know this is something pretty much every RG shipper has faced at some point. So I'll make an exception this once. For anyone that doesn't want to hear about it, I strongly encourage you to keep scrolling.

I'm gonna keep it brief(ish) and vague, but content warning for topics of mental health, abuse, general fandom toxicity and ship discourse.

The short answer is that I've had to completely remove myself from large fandom spaces. I left Twitter last fall, I'm not in any big Discords, and I never check the fandom Reddits. I block bullies, bystanders, and bad faith arguers liberally. I mute words and phrases I don't wish to see, I don't engage with the bad faith takes, and I don't go looking in tags much either.

I surround myself with a small group of friends that I enjoy spending time with and can trust. So I still have outlets to be able to geek out without risk of dealing with the wider community's negativity. This blog was also created as a safe outlet to ramble, join together, or spread positivity about the ship. I know how rough it is for us out there - in the RWBY fandom as a whole, as well as within our own RG shipping spaces. So since I can't be an impartial community leader that helps run events or bigger spaces for us like I used to, this is kind of all I have left to offer.

The slightly longer addition that got way out of hand:

I'm not going to say it's not lonely. That I don't miss being part of a more active, wider group of people that we should have every right to join. But despite how hard some of us tried, there was nothing we could do to change the toxicity that is so deeply rooted at the core of this fandom. The fact that I even tried as hard as I did was 1. a trauma response and 2. just ended up with me - and too many of my friends - getting hurt anyway. I can't regret it because it's how I made the friends that are so dear to me now. But none of us should have had to deal with the cyberbullying, harassment, dog-piling, backstabbing, suibaiting, or any of that other garbage to find the group we have today.

It's extremely fucked up. There's no way to sugar coat it. All of it is abuse and is genuinely traumatizing to many people. I am not using these as buzzwords either. Myself and a handful of my rg shipping friends have literally gone to therapy to help us heal from all the things we've experienced in this fandom. So I have it on the authority of multiple psychiatrists, therapists, and social workers that what I am saying here is true.

Rosegarden and its shippers have become the scapegoat of a toxic community. There are big name fans who've staked their entire platforms on the idea of a rival ship being canon. And so, when they see any of us suggesting a Very Likely alternative to their reality (even if we're minding our own business), they become violent and go out of their way to try and defend it. There are entire servers and friend groups built on bullying this ship and its shippers for similar reasons. Anyone that argues against them, no matter how valid their stance, or how articulately its delivered, is going to become a target. Because we are seen as a threat to a system they directly benefit from. If any of them were to acknowledge how unreasonable or ridiculous all of this is, what would that mean for the circumstances and relationships they've built for themselves? It would all fall apart, wouldn't it?

This is why we also see fellow RG shippers invalidating or blaming us for what we go through. Because some of them have become convinced that if they side with the bullies and paint themselves as "not like those shippers", then they'll be "safe". Which as we all know isn't true. Because the antis attack each other for the smallest offences that don't have anything to do with us anyway.

The RWBY fandom is not alone in struggling with this. Fandoms everywhere are seeing these same patterns play out in different ways. A lot of people without as many stakes in the arguments will often scoff or dismiss it on the basis of it being "so serious, when it's just about fictional characters". And to that, I say: bullshit.

First of all, the people on the other side of the screen dealing with all of this are Real People with Real Feelings and their own lives that are already hard enough as it it. And these sorts of environments, as previously mentioned, can and do cause severe harm. Second, none of this hate has anything to do with fictional characters. That is part of the reason why I am still able to enjoy this ship and this show despite everything I've been through here. Because the fictional characters are simply the means to an end. And while that end is different for everyone, for the bullies - by and large - it offers them power in the face of their insecurities.

The only reason this space is as toxic as it is, is because the loudest voices are often the most emotionally immature. All the reasonable people see the infighting going on and know that engaging with it is a pointless waste of energy. As someone that did try to fight it, I truly don't blame any of them for staying uninvolved. But power comes in numbers; so until a large enough group of the reasonable ones come forward, this fandom will only continue on the course it's headed.

I rambled a lot and I'm not even sure how much of this is relevant to your question. If i were to give a tl;dr to answer you, it is this:

You need to curate your own experience by setting boundaries for yourself that cannot easily be crossed by people or content that is going to upset you.

Recognizing the reason people behave the way they do towards all of this has very little, if anything, to do with the show, the ship itself, or the people shipping it is very liberating.

Don't be like how I was. Don't try and force it when it isn't working. If you are in an environment or a habit that you are getting more harm than joy from: leave. It doesn't always feel like it in the moment, but it is better to be alone than to be surrounded by people who suck. And when you shed the ones that don't treat you well, you open yourself up to more like-minded people that will want to be friends with you anyway.

I say this genuinely with only love and support in my heart, but: touch grass. As often as you can, as often as you need to: get offline. Read a book, engage in other hobbies, connect with people in real life, go for a walk or just get outside if you can. When you start connecting with the reality on your side of the screen more, it puts how pointless and absurd so much of this discourse really is into perspective. Moderation is key.

I'm sorry that all of the negativity has got you down. No one wants to acknowledge how much this sort of thing can affect our well being, but I know first hand how bad it can get. None of it is fair. The feelings you're having are valid and aren't anything to be ashamed about. If you have friends or family you can rely on for support, reach out to them when you need it. If you're in a place where you think the help you need is a bit more specialized, you have my support and encouragement in making the call or doing the research to get started. Therapy isn't accessible and doesn't always work for everyone, but it's not the only option. Before I could afford it, I micro-dosed by reading self-help books and following therapists on Instagram, lol.

I'm not sure what else I can say, and have said more than I meant to anyway. But hang in there, you're not alone, and take care of yourself, okay?💕🫂

[azulcrescent]

Hi Azul! :) I started following your silly scribbles about a year ago, and seeing Cheryl model how she came out to her friends and family in the comic helped me articulate my gender experience better with my wife and even come out to my friends and family. Thanks for sharing your art! I also wanted to say that I'm sorry that you're experiencing poor sleep and burnout lately. :( Those can make you feel awful. I've had a chronic illness for the past six years -- and I'm fully aware that's something separate, nor do I want to equate it with your experiences -- but, at risk of giving any unsolicited advice, I do wish someone had said something to me about this when I first felt those as well. Because I was pushing myself to work for 2 hours a day as a special education paraprofessional in a wheelchair due to fatigue and systemic dysfunctions throughout my body -- so I had to quit my job since I was making my health even worse. When I stopped working, I was fully bed bound for a time but even still kept pushing myself to attempt grad school online despite only being able to sit up for 5-10% of the day. My point is that, even when our bodies are burnt out, we still push ourselves because that's generally just our human nature to do. And I wish that during that time someone had gently said it's okay to slow everything down and listen to what my body was telling me it needed.

With slowing down, I also get that finances are a thing, and I wouldn't have been able to recover from severe to moderate ME/CFS without my wife working her butt off for us to cover medical expenses by switching jobs and upskilling. (She jokes that she has no more butt anymore because of those years :'(... )

So, although this is stepping into unsolicited advice, but as someone who was burnt out and constantly eepy for years, I feel like it would be remiss of me to not try to say something and just give a bullet point list of free things that helped my nervous system not be so overstimulated and tired but wired that I couldn't sleep and even when I did it was unrefreshing and yucky to wake up the next day:

•Search for "ally boothroyd yoga nidra" on YouTube and pick a 10 minute video •Do belly breathing to expand the diaphragm (one of the few ways we can give input to our parasympathetic nervous systems -- the rest, digest, and heal system) •When breathing, breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4, repeat to tell your body it can be calm •Spinal flossing in bed: start from your lowest vertebrae you can, try to isolate it with your muscles, and shift it up down left and right, then go up to the next one •Listen to how your body responds to foods: maybe try cutting out gluten and refined sugars for a week to see if it helps in any way; a lot of our immune system is in the gut, and being in a stressed state can cause our immune systems to mistake food molecules for pathogens which then activates the immune system and turns off the parasympathetic nervous system •Drop your jaw fully open like you're going to yawn, then stretch your tongue upward outside your mouth as far as it can go and stretch it around. This is a stretch for the muscles near your vagus nerve near your ear/neck behind the jaw to help them relax •Plan a bedtime routine for the thirty minutes before you go to bed and be consistent •Brain retraining: When you feel stressed or anxious about sleep or being burnt out, compassionately tell yourself "Stop, stop, stop." Thank that part of you for bringing up its concern, then remind that part of yourself that it doesn't need to worry anymore because you are working on recovering and healing. And if the insomnia or fatigue do happen, you have plans for what to do and will be okay. •Remember the conclusion from the American TV show Mythbusters: https://www.tumblr.com/gretchensinister/678474387179077632/one-of-the-most-life-changing-things-i-ever You're still getting rest even if you just close your eyes. You've talked about having ADHD, and while I don't have it, I get that it messes up brain chemicals and can contribute to both insomnia and burn out. There might be a reddit discussion that speaks to you better about medications or deficiencies. I hope you get to rest. Cheering for you. It's always fun to see your art. Thanks for what you do! :) Sleepy cat tax:

Glad to hear you like my comics! And thank you for the very informative and helpful info on sleeping better! Ill try to put your advice to use!

[my-little-delusions]

To the Ends of the Universe Pt. 2 - Dick Grayson x Reader

Pairings: Dick Grayson x Reader (Romantic), Bruce Wayne x Assistant!Pennyworth!Reader, Donna x Reader (Platonic)

Warnings: Death, cursing, violence, talk of self harm, talk of domestic abuse, talk of terminal illness and hospitals, experiments, smut (skippable)

(It's a long summary I know I'm sorry. Read it or don't.)

Summary: When you were 6 years old, you were diagnosed with a terminal illness. The doctors said there was nothing they could do, and your health would rapidly decline. You wouldn't live past 8 years old. Your parents refused to take that answer and decided to make their own cure for you. However, they couldn't stop there, they didn't just want to make you healthy, they wanted to make you super. Make sure nothing could put you in harms way ever again. After a faulty experiment when you were 10 years old, the lab they worked out of, killed your parents and left you a sole survivor.

When reports of a "super kid" loose on the streets reached Wayne Manor, Bruce picked you up. Alfred ended up adopting you legally, but when Bruce realized you had no control of your powers, he decided to train you. Teach you how to use your powers and keep them under control.

A year later Bruce adopted Dick. Growing up and Training side by side you and Dick were inseparable. Your crush on Dick, the cute guy you would with a year older than you, only got worse. As well as his protectiveness over you. Your relationship flourished and you two seemed unstoppable. But what happens when Dick convinces you to leave Gotham? Make a new life for yourselves all on your own.

Disclaimer: I am fully aware my timeline/numbers are screwy, don't think about it. This is based solely on the Titans show, it is definitely not comic accurate lol.

--------------------

"I wish I didn't have to leave you baby," Dick mumbles, his arms wrapped around my waist.

"Baby," I smile looking up at him amused, "We can't do this every morning. You need to go to work, you said you would commit to this,"

"I know," He groans, pulling away, "You know they keep trying to give me a partner, I don't want to work with anyone but you,"

"I already told you I am not joining the force, there is too much surveillance on the cops,"

"But-"

"No. Look, Dick, being the Green Jay with you and Bruce on occasion was fun, but it put too many targets on my head, I can't risk my powers getting linked to my identity. Even by the PD. I mean, can you even imagine what they would find if they drug-tested me?"

"You're right, you're right," Dick laughs, "I guess I just miss you is all, I'm not used to not seeing you all day every day you know," He says, placing a kiss on my lips.

"I miss you too," I say once I pull away, "How about when you get back tonight we have a night just to ourselves, alright?"

"Oh yeah?" He quirks, "Alright, I'll look forward to it.... Orrrr we could have right now to ourselves,"

"Oh my god just go to work," I smile, shoving him away a bit.

"Okay, okay," He throws his hands up in defeat, grabbing his keys and coat, "I'll see you when I get home."

--------------------

"HEY BABE!" Dick calls, his voice laced with concern and an assertiveness I haven't heard since Gotham.

Swiftly I hurry my way towards the staircase, worry coursing through my veins. However, once I reach the stairs I freeze.

There Dick is at the bottom of the stairs, his lips pulled tightly in a like and a girl tucked away behind him.

"Fuck," I whisper under my breath, running up to him and pulling him into a hug. Dick just stands there, his shoulders slouched in defeat.

Pulling away, my eyes scan all of his features, my eyes glossing over slightly. His hardened face softens as he looks at me.

"I'm gonna go pack our stuff." He says, his tone is serious again,

"Okay.." I say, following him with my gaze as he brushes past me, his fingers lingering on mine. "Hi," I say, facing the girl. Her head whips up. "I'm Y/N, what's your name?"

"Rachel"

--------------------

Dick opens the car door to pop open the trunk.

"This is yours?" Rachel asks as she steps into the garage.

"Family heirloom," Dick answers, tossing our luggage in.

I walk up to him, my back to Rachel. Reaching out my hand, I rub his arm through his jacket, attempting to comfort him.

"I'm sorry baby," I whisper to him, aware that Rachel is most likely listening, but at least whispering doesn't invite her to chime in, "I know you really wanted to avoid this sort of thing again."

He looks at me with a soft smile, reaching his and over and placing it on top of my hand on his arm.

"From the circus?" Rachel asks,

Dick chuckles, looking up from me to Rachel, "Not the one you're thinking. Come on let's go."

I adjust my posture from leaning on the car and walk to the passenger side.Opening the door, I lean in to u latch the front seat, revealing the small 2nd row of the car.

Giving Rachel a smile, I motion for her to get it, but she hesitates.

"We'll keep you safe, I promise,"

"That's not something you can promise," Rachel says to me before getting in the car anyway.

I push the front seat back into place and get in.

This feels like something we can't turn back from.

--------------------

The awkward silence in the car since we left the garage is slowly becoming unbearable. Tensions are high. I can practically feel the stress radiating off of dick.

Looking over at him, I can see his emotions plastered all over his face. It's a look I haven't had to see since we left Gotham. Exhaustion. Sadness. Anger. All of it.

My heart clenches and I reach over to Dick's free hand, pulling it over to my lap and holding it. Giving him reassuring squeezes throughout the drive every time I feel him tense.

"Where are we going?" Rachel finally speaks up,

"Somewhere safe," Dicks says, swallowing hard,

"My mom, says there's no such thing as monsters," Rachel turns her head to look out the window, "I think she was wrong."

--------------------

"Thank you," Dick says to the waitress, "You want a hot chocolate or something?"

"Just a coffee, black," Rachel says,

"I bet they have marshmallows," Dick smiles. My heart swells a bit as I look at him. I haven't seen many smiles like that from him in a long time. Definitely not in Gotham.

"I'm not a kid, okay?" Rachel snaps at him a bit,

"Rachel..." I say, with a bit of a warning tone, glancing at the waitress standing there awkwardly.

"Okay, same for the lady," Dick says and the waitress fills up Rachel's cup with a smile, gesturing to offer me some.

"I'm okay, thank you,"

The waitress gives me a smile before walking away.

"My mom didn't like me to drink coffee," Rachel says, reaching for the sugar and pouring a long steady stream of it into her cup.

Dick chuckles, "Sweet tooth, huh?"

Rachel says nothing.

"Rachel, has anything like.. like what happened happened before?"

"No, not like that," Rachel takes a deep breath, her voice growing shaky, "I didn't mean to kill that guy,"

"How did you kill that guy," Dick presses further, but Rachel only takes a sip of her coffee and stares off to the side. "We're gonna go see some old friends of ours," Dick glances at me, They're safe, they'll give us a place to lie low for a second, get our heads together. Give us some time to get our heads together."

"You're scared I get it," I say to Rachel, "But sometimes there's no time to be scared,"

And then.

Pain.

Blinding pain.

That's all I could feel.

It felt as if my head was boiling and my bones were freezing and cracking.

"Fuck." I say, my eyes squeezing shut my body beginning to curl in on itself. My hand reaches out to grip Dick's arms, gripping him hard, my nails digging into his forearm.

"Y/n? Baby? Hey, hey what's going on?" Dick's worried tone just barely breaking through the crackling noises sounding in my head. Opening my eyes, I can make out Dick's worried expression through my blurred vision, his brows furrowed, eyes wide, lips parted slightly.

"Dick?" I say, my voice is shaky as my vision begins to grow dark, my body becoming numb.

"Babe, come on, talk to me, what's happening right now?" Dick begins to tap my face lightly, trying to get me to wake up.

All of a sudden, it feels like my body is getting pumped with pure oxygen and I gasp loudly, drawing attention from.others in the restaurant.

My chest heaves and I look around the room frantically as Dick continues to stare me down with his worried expression.

Dick's hands cup my face, "Are you okay? What just happened right now?"

"I-I don't know," I say, "I think I'm okay... I'm okay"

----------

Authors Note: This fic really is for the girls who just wanna take care of the poor baby. :/

Request Open!

(If there's anything specific you want to see in this story as well, just comment it, I am open to suggestions)

Lemme know if you wanna be on the taglist

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

More of my older writing on Monsters as Disability Metaphors (abridged, emphasis added to portions, to be louder for the people in back)

(Originally posted to LiveJournal/Cross-posted to Dreamwidth on 10 February, 2011)

The word "Monster" comes from the Latin for "omen" or "sign" (the same root as 'demonstrate'), and originally referred to human or animal offspring born with missing or extra limbs. Such births were interpreted by the priests and oracle-readers as a sign that the Gods were angry, and was taken as a warning to prepare for devastating punishments against the whole society.

I was struck, reading that, that it was not, originally, the monster itself (himself, herself, ouself...) that was angry or wished to wreak havoc, as we define the word today, but was simply the unwitting, and unwilling, messenger of the gods' anger. Blaming the monster for the coming wrath is like blaming the stop sign for the car that runs you over.

Human psychology being what it is, however, such transference is predictable. The ostracization of the disabled, the denial of our existence within a society, probably stems from a desire to deflect Divine Wrath:

"What? Who, us? Oh, no... We're not the people who're sinning... no, nope. You warned us, sent us an omen, Jove? You sure? 'Cause no such monster was born around here. You must be looking for that other village, over in the next valley."

*whistle* *eyedart*

That's the reason why I don't trust the medical model, or the medical industry. Doctors started out as priests, using magic and ritual to summon spirits and banish demons of illness. Scientific discoveries have changed the language used to describe phenomena, and have changed the way an illness or difference is analyzed on a physical level. But if you peel back the generational layers from teacher to student, teacher to student, it won't take long before you find the superstitious beliefs that link physical conditions to sin and/or righteousness.

Why else, when Christopher Reeve was recruited to help raise money for Spinal Chord Injury research, would all the attention be focused on "Getting up, out of the chair, and walking" instead of treating the invisible health risks of spinal cord injury that actually shorten lifespans (controlling blood pressure and body temperature, etc.), if not to hide the 'mark' of disability from the society?

Why else would people with visible disabilities be shamed for not seeking cures at the same time that people with invisible disabilities are shamed if they do?

Why else would Medicare (in America) only provide money for assistive technology if you need it to function behind the walls of your own home (and "function" being limited, here, to: eating, pooping, and sleeping), but would deny you the funding if you intend to use it to hold down your job, raise your kids, or volunteer in the community?

Why else would demands for inclusion be treated as if they were deliberately hostile acts?

It's almost as if people still believed that if Jove saw the "monsters" had indeed been born into our village, we wouldn't be able to dodge the floods and fires any longer... So that if a disabled person dares to go out in public, that person must want to invite the lightning bolts, and destroy our society. How dare they?! Why can't they just realize it would be better for everyone if they just stayed home, and focused their attention on being good cripples?

[captain-mj]

Hey, 🦭 here back from the grave (was just resting after a hellish week of school)

I have been obsessed with Sleep Token especially their song called 'Chokehold' which in think is very eldritch GhostSoap coded, with Ghost being an eldritch god and Soap being his most devoted follower (iykyk)

And Ghost who just adores his follower and can't help but grant Soap's indulgence and desires because of his own selfishness

Could you possibly make a fic like that? Pretty please with a bit of dynamite on top :3

-🦭

(The brainrot is brainrotting /srs)

I love that song so much, I can of course do that!! Also, it's nice to see you again :)

Ghost sat in his temple silently. He observed those who came in and offered things and those with entertaining tales or genuine needs were given what they asked. Most requests though were... petty. Indulgent. A desperate plea for more attention, more money, more pleasure.

Ghost wanted to lash out at them some days. And he did. He'd curse them with impotence, poverty and isolation at the drop of a hat. It had become a known risk to everyone but...

Johnny.

His favorite follower.

He lifted his hand, letting the priest cut his wrist so blood would flow.

Ghost listened intently, letting the other prayers fall away like rushing water.

"Ghost." His name on his tongue was beautiful. "I am here to request something." Normally, Ghost would listen to his request, answer it immediately and let Soap leave. But today, he wanted it to be different.

Gently, not wanting to hurt him or any of his other loving followers, he spoke. "Everyone must leave except the current person praying."

His priests hopped to it, herding everyone out. It left Soap alone in the place of worship.

Soap looked up at the depictions of Ghost. Of dark wide eyes staring into the souls of anyone who came in. Ready to dismiss them or bless them on a whim.

"My God." He moved to kneel, averting his eyes. "I always feel your presence here. I never thought I'd be chosen to hear your voice or hold your attention like this."

"You think you hold all of my attention?" Ghost had created universes. Species. Had senses that would melt Soap's brain to even be explained. But yeah, Soap did in fact have all of his attention. He just shouldn't assume he did.

Or he could. Ghost doubted, even if he disrespected him to his face, he could stay mad for too long.

Soap tensed. "No! Of course not, it's just more attention than I'd ever expect. I'm...."

"Keep your eyes on the ground." Ghost stepped in front of him. Smoke billowed off of him, form fading in and out of existence. "Wouldn't want to drive my favorite follower insane."

Soap's breathing hitched. "Favorite?"

Ghost ignored him. "What is it you want?"

"I..."

"Spit it out."

"Health. For my family."

Ghost hummed. "Granted. What else?"

"What?"

"That's for your family. Would you like anything?"

"I... um..."

"Anything you want."

Soap nodded. "I... I don't know. I don't have anything else I desire."

Ghost hummed. "I see. How sweet." He trailed around him in circles. "Power beyond wildest dreams? Friends and worshippers? Enough money to indulgent in all forms of debauchery?"

"No. I don't find much interest in those."

Ghost nodded. "Well, I want to give you something for yourself. Selfishly of course."

Soap almost looked up before quickly remembering his place. "If you'd so please, my holiness."

My?

My??

Ghost touched him, feeling him shiver and shake, almost doubling over. Soap whimpered, burying his face on to the floor as sensations rushed through him. He ended the contact and watched him sink further.

"You're interesting, Johnny."

Soap took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Your family will be healthy. You have given me enough, today."

"If I found something to wish for, could I come back tomorrow?"

Ghost paused and mulled over it. "Come at night. You could spend it with me." He'd have to be so gentle, but the idea of holding Soap in his hands. "I won't fault you if you don't."

"I will. I'll be here. I promise, I'll..." Ghost grabbed him by the scruff and felt him twist in his hands, overcome with feelings again. Soap grabbed his leg for support and whimpered. It wasn't the most pleasant sensation for most people, but like he predicted, Soap liked it. Maybe it would become an addiction. That way Soap was just addicted to his presence as Ghost was becoming to Soap.

"You will. And I'll grant you all of your desires."

[exhausted-archivist]

Concept Art Moments and Ideas: What I Wish Was Kept

Pretty sure we've all been there. Seen some of the concept art and thought how cool it was and how much you wish it had made it in the final game. These are some of mine, I won't go too much into why they're not in the game, the answer is usually either one of the following or a combination of: they needed to narrow the scope of the project, frostbite was a new engine they were struggling to make do what they needed, time, they didn't feel it had enough narrative weight or purpose, or it would make the world states branch out far too much.

I'm not really wanting to discuss whether or not I agree with cutting them either. I just really think these are neat concept, ones I've thought out how they would fold in, possible ways they could have played out, and some that personally I have worked into my fic just to fully explore the ideas.

Most of the images that don't have a source link came from either the art book or the BioWare Stories and Secrets From 25 Years of Game Development (B25) book.

Now lets start with the most common one:

[Source]

I'm know others have said this, but I really wish that it had been feasible for you to become Divine. Though, honestly this only would have really worked as decision at the end of the series. While personally in my canon world state I don't have anyone I would want to put in that role. I do have an OC who I did design for that and would have been nice to see it play out. Especially come Trespasser.

These are story boards from the art book of the prologue walk through Haven. The voice lines for this are still in the game files even though they're cut. Something I always wanted in the prologue was something to actually motivate me. There is no real sense of danger, and the walk through Haven hold no real weight. It's mostly telling and no showing, it feels hollow after your first play-through where you aren't curious and uncertain. It honestly would have been interesting to me if this was in there and if there were non-standard ending option outside of combat. Provoking the scared survivors to where they mob you, a timer on the mark instead of just the one check point. If it started draining your health the longer you took to get to the Breach. Things that could easily be removed if you decreased the difficulty level and wouldn't impact the game overly much.

[Left Dragon Age Art Book, Right World of Thedas vol. 2 p. 245]

To continue on with my desire for the steaks in Inquisition to be more intense, for you to actually feel some type of risk or hostility from the world. These two are more of an expansion on the attack on Haven. I wish Corypheus was given a more dramatic entrance than being seen on the hill with his Commander. That when he arrived to scoop you up, that it was more ominous and threatening. Something to illustrate as him having this overwhelming presence and force.

In Hushed Whispers had the concept art of King Alistair going with you and honestly, I feel like it is a missed opportunity. Not only would it make sense but there is a sort of thematic element with Alistair once again having to save Redcliffe from a mage. I think this also could have worked if he was king or warden. If he was a warden, it would have been a very nice way to tie in the Warden plot for Alistair and even Loghain. Would have really given the Inquisitor a reason to care about choosing between them or Hawke in the Fade.

[Source]

Matt Rhodes labeled this as Anders in the tags, and I am really intrigued by this prospect. We know by the end of DA2 if he's alive he doesn't have many friends with the displaced mages of Kirkwall after awhile. It would have been nice for him to come back in that Warden role they were considering for the cancelled Exalted March DLC. But what really makes me curious, is why he's out in what we might think is the Western Approach/Hissing Wastes and what happened to his missing right arm.

Alternatively, another scenario I would have liked to see with Anders comes from the B25 book. We see they explored the idea of Anders, as a Grey Warden in the cancelled Exalted March DLC. Honestly, I feel as if he would return regardless of if you killed him or not because we know that Justice can and has prevented fatal injuries from killing Anders before. This could have been an interesting thread to not only pull his story to an end in dai, but also introduce the Warden contact instead of the ones we had. Because he was on the run and the Wardens would offer a degree of protection so he would be unwillingly forced to return, couple that with him knowing of Corypheus - which would likely be the thing that forced the Wardens to keep him alive once they found his prison empty.

[Source]

This is Western Approach concept art, specifically this was suppose to be Adamant. Matt Rhodes describes that it was suppose to be a monastery, self-sustaining, and a place where they could cultivate their own food, weave their own fabrics. It would have been interesting to be able to see it like this, to see the game use this to not only explore how the Wardens survived out here but also how they recovered the fortress after it was wrecked in Asunder. It would have tied in nicely with exploring the fact that the reversal of Tranquility was found here, a fact known to everyone in game at this point (they just didn't know the Seekers hid it from the Chantry and mages). It would have been an excellent way to fold in Rhys, Evangeline, flesh out Cole's backstory and personal quest, and even show another side of the mages - the ones who didn't want to be involved in the war and fled to the Wardens.

Two Words: Giant. Scorpion.

Look how massive that is. I love mega fauna so much. I want something massive to be living in the Hissing Wastes and I want this to be fighting dragons. It would have been amazing. Look at the boards they put out.

[Source]

I want to believe this is for the Western Approach given the ground type and the smoke in the background. If this thing was guarding the sulfur fields by Griffon Keep? It would have been epic. Or even if we saw it fighting the Abyssal dragon. Honestly, I think more areas should have had a competing predator for the dragons to be fighting. It would have been cooler if they kept great bears (previously known as Dragon Bears) at their massive size to fight a dragon in the Emerald Graves too.

[Source]

That said, this scorpion concept gets even better when you see the concept art for smaller versions being Venatori mounts.

How do you not get stabbed bud? How do you domesticate/train this? What is the intelligence of this little critter? I can just picture a play on the scorpion and the frog happening here. This would have been really cool as mini-bosses or something of that nature. Particularly around the ruins, Venatori operations, or raids against the keeps.

Another piece from B25, we see new concept art of the Inquisitor leaving Skyhold with the Inquisition as Skyhold is destroyed in the background. We learned from David Gaider that at one point Skyhold was actually suppose to be attacked by Corypheus, but it ended up being cut due to time/scope. This is something I wish they kept, having your second base attack, you home at the point where you felt the strongest and potentially after a recent victory.

It would have reminded the player that Corypheus and his commander, Calpernia or Samson, were a real and active threat. Something missing from Inquisition honestly. It would have been interesting to see if we had to find a new base of operations or if we had to rebuild. When first settling in Skyhold everyone mentions being able to see the enemy coming, about not retreating from Skyhold. They really built up an expectation that at the very least a scare of an attack would happen.

There would have been a sort of poetic sense to Skyhold being leveled. Considering it is of Fereldan make, built on top of a leveled elven site. To have the site once again leveled, the history brought back to its foundations. It would have been a thematic foreshadowing to what Solas plans to do as well.

These are clearly just things I found interesting, things I feel would have really added to the game, and some others might not agree with. There are other things I wish they hadn't cut, but I didn't want to include anything that has been post-humorously mentioned by the devs because I wanted to focus more on the concept art aspect. A lot of decisions were shaped by circumstances we'll never really know the full scope of, and sometimes I wonder if they had gotten more than the 3-4 years they had for Inquisition and maybe on an engine that wasn't so fickle and worked better for the style of game how different it would have been.

[oboetemasuka]

Aftermath

My bid for innocence in Milgramblr.

Or, more accurately, my bid that @good-beans started "Order of Attack". Sure, I sent the ask, but Beans created the concept of Eyepatch Amane.

I maintain that if I truly started it, Amane would have only been a bit scuffed. And here is my original vision as proof. (Uh, it might be tainted by 10 months of writing whump...)

Not proofread, but @stuffedsand and @purgemarchlockdown helped me brainstorm some of the dialogue.

(1089 words)

Wait, it's over a thousand words? It was only 500 words when I went to put the finishing touches!

Oops.

(This is queued for the 4am slot, but I will reblog with a poll once I'm awake.)

(Cw: canon-typical violence, cult mentality, reference to child abuse; Amane is a bad patient; medical information may be inaccurate)

-

A collision with the wall. A few whacks to the head. That was all Amane would get for now. That was all fine because she could barely move after that anyway.

The pain was all-consuming, unlike anything Amane had ever experienced before. She had never been this close to losing consciousness. Was she even conscious still?

The glare from Kotoko's eyes still burned in her. Unfathomable malice directed at a subject with no hope of redemption, but also a weak subject who could be tossed aside for later.

All she could do was wait for her proper turn like a good girl. 

Kotoko had more pressing matters to deal with, after all. That being Fuuta, who was screaming and kicking for her to stop. No wonder he was first; Kotoko must have thought he needed to learn the lesson faster. But Amane could hardly register what was happening to him, except that it was ten times as brutal as any punishment she had ever faced, and that a similar fate might await her.

But Kotoko did not finish because the door slammed open, and Amane returned to her shell of absolute, utter, intense agony.

Next thing she knew, Kazui was kneeling by her side, guiding her to lie down, asking her things that didn't make sense. Fuuta was lying limply on the floor, covered in blood. Kotoko was gone.

What had Kotoko said? Something about delivering punishments in order?

"Mahiru san…" Amane muttered. "All alone…"

"I know, but I can't leave you two here without anyone else to watch."

-

Truly, this pain was nothing. Amane's head was still spinning a day later, and a high-pitched sound rang in her ears. She tried to blink away the morning blurriness, but it refused to give way to clarity. A deep breath triggered the pain of a thousand bruises.

And yet she had gotten off lightly. The others could have died, or so she heard; nobody would give her more details than that.

She had to go see for herself. But the moment she got herself to her feet, she sensed the figure of a certain Kirisaki Shidou looming over her.

"Amane, what do you think you are doing? Go back to sleep." Ugh, how patronizing.

"I need to talk to my friends." She tried to her voice cold and calculated so Shidou wouldn't dare dismiss her, but she couldn't control the shaking.

"They are in no condition to talk. Let them rest. Do not bother them."

"Bother them? Surely they would like to see a friendly face after everything that transpired."

"You need to rest too. You shouldn't be walking around while concussed."

"I can walk around just fine."

"You'll only make your condition worse and slow down your recovery."

Amane glared at Shidou with as much willpower as she could muster. "Are you really going to drag me into your immoral practice? Now?"

In turn, Shidou sighed. "This isn't up for debate. Go back to sleep."

"Let me talk to them." It took all she had not to scream at him.

"You can do that after you rest." The desire to raise their voices seemed mutual.

As Amane opened her mouth to retort, dark spots began to swim in her vision. She wished she had the strength to tell Shidou to back off, but instead, he guided her back down to rest.

-

"Let me talk to them," Amane insisted.

"I am not going to let you risk your health over a conversation."

"I have proven that I can sit up for five minutes without falling over."

"I never asked you to do that. Go back and lie down."

"You said they could have died."

That caught Shidou's attention. "Your point is?"

"You are wasting a lot of your effort on me when they clearly need it more."

"Amane, you aren't making sense."

"I need to talk to them. What if they die, and I miss my chance to get closure because I'm resting?"

Not the most logical argument, but it seemed to strike a nerve in Shidou. "Fine. Five minutes with each of them. That's it."

-

Mahiru resembled a mummy, or half of one, with all the seemingly fresh bandages wrapped around her. She was well on the way to an early demise. Amane had half a mind to warn her to reject the doctor's evil work, but it seemed those words would fall on deaf ears. She had to make this time count.

"Mahiru-san… I'm sorry."

"Hmm…" Mahiru stirred slightly, eyelids quivering open. "Ama…"

"It's okay… don't push it… I just needed to say… I wish I was there with you. So you would not have to face those trials alone."

"But…" Mahiru pursed her lips, seemingly to say Fuuta's name.

"Fuuta-san was found by Kazui-san. I only wish you weren't alone." Maybe only was the wrong word. Amane leaned forward. "I wish that you won't die soon. I would miss you so much."

It took Mahiru a moment to process, but then she smiled slightly. "Thanks… Amane-chan…"

-

Fuuta was lucky that Kazui had intervened. But still, he was missing an eye, and it sounded like he could hardly breathe.

Rumor had it that he could have died if nobody stepped in. They had found Mahiru in critical condition, but they could have found Fuuta dead.

And then what would have become of Amane? No doubt, if left alone with Kotoko, she would have had it the worst. And if she had gone to visit Mahiru instead…

Amane shook away the thought. She only had a few precious moments to speak to Fuuta. He must have noticed her shadow because his good eye was now open and looking wearily at her.

"Fuuta-san, I'm sorry."

"For wh…" 

"I was too weak to stop Kotoko-san. I was there in the room, but I couldn't-"

"No…" 

What? That caught Amane off guard. Fuuta continued while she tried to find the words again.

"I'm… sorry… couldn't stop her…"

"Oh, no, it wasn't your fault. I-"

"Wasn't… yours… either…"

This conversation was going in circles, and time was slipping away.

"I just hope we can have a real conversation again someday." One that wasn't tainted by pain and suffering.

-

Amane tried to ignore the pounding in her head and drift off to sleep. She knew her suffering paled in comparison to Mahiru and Fuuta, but she had never known anything like this before.

She had never been this sleepless before. And yet this trial too would come to pass.

[shineforthee]

Half In Love with an Easeful Death, Half in Love with a Difficult Life

Or: On Young Daniel Molloy and the topic of Suicidal Ideation

**Please please please, heed the trigger warnings in the tags, friends**

I've been seeing conversation lately about whether or not Daniel is suicidal, particularly in the 70's when Armand identifies him as such. And I want to weigh in, as someone who has experienced SI and has spent years providing crisis intervention for people experiencing SI.

To be clear: I'm fully willing to be wrong, far from an expert, and definitely not any better at understanding the source material than anybody else. I just have a whole lot of thoughts, and I have to stop harassing my friends with them in rambling voice notes.

First, Semantics:

Something I think might be getting missed here is that to be Suicidal is not a character trait. It's not an immutable quality inherent to someone's personality, though it may be present throughout an individual's entire life. A person is not (or I suppose should not be) characterized "kind, funny, creative, ambitious, and suicidal." Suicidality is something people may experience, it is not something they are.

Similarly, a person can experience Suicidal Ideation without necessarily having any intent, or even any firm desire to die. For some folks, these thoughts are passive as they go about their lives; things like "I'm not going to wear my seatbelt because who cares?" or "I sometimes wish I'd just stay asleep forever." It can also be something a person finds themselves thinking of in times of stress or anxiety; "I don't know how to fix this, it would be better if I just died."

Finally, of course, someone can be experiencing suicidality and want to live. They are not mutually exclusive concepts.

Which brings me to my next point: The Both, And of it all

Daniel as Half-In Love with an Easeful Death:

There are certainly reasons to think Daniel might experience a level of suicidal ideation, and might be experiencing suicidality in San Fran. His substance use and high-risk behaviors do not guarantee it, but they do present as risk factors or potential indicators. In the moment, he's also on multiple substances that certainly increase the risk for suicidal thoughts. Quaaludes and cocaine are... not a super friendly mix for the mental health. Frequent use of these drugs, as well as alcohol, is known to cause depression and anxiety. (**The harm reduction advocate in me has to add that this is said without judgement, people also often use substances as their only method for coping with mental health concerns that already exist)

More than any of that, however, is that there's no textual reason to assume he doesn't experience suicidal ideation, and there is textual reason to believe that he does. Armand is far from the most honest character, and taken only at his word, of course it might seem like something he just says. I wouldn't necessarily believe it either. But we also get confirmation from Louis that this is how Armand hunts. This is what he does. He teases out the thread of suicidality in a human being, pulls on it, knits it into something larger until it becomes a warm blanket wrapped around their shoulders. It's insidious because it latches on to something small that exists in so many people.

When we think of suicide, I think we often picture only one version: the carefully premeditated decision, perhaps after months or years of constant suffering. The notes. The plans. This isn't the only (or even I would argue primary) manner in which people die via suicide. Often it's born of a split second decision. Pain or anxiety or fear or anger. Arman's approach quiet literally picks at that part of the mind - the human part, the emotion the doubt. It's effective because it's taking something real. I think to create something from nothing entirely defeats the purpose of why he does it or what he gets out of it, which would lead to a whole other conversation, but anyways. There's just no real reason for us to doubt what this part of the narrative tells us (**that I have yet seen! I'm not an expert! I do not know all things! I just have thoughts and ideas that could change!)

Another piece of evidence, for me, comes from Louis again. Who feels the need to tell Daniel what he does, in San Francisco. To give him something to hold onto, something that keeps him alive. With his memory removed, we don't really have reason to believe that what Armand did would matter at all... or it wouldn't, if it didn't already pull at something that exists in Daniel regardless.

Daniel as Half In Love with a Difficult Life

There is no reason that the desire to live cannot exist alongside suicidal ideation, suicidality, or the desire to die. "But see, he wants to live!" is no more an argument against him wanting to die as "but see! he wanted to die!" is against him wanting to live.

Not to be reductive, but I can want to sleep and want to eat at the same time. I can want to be alone, and want to be around others at the same time. I can be grieving and happy at the same time. We are capable of multitudes, we exist inside the nuance. This is always interesting to me when held up against the vampires in the story who obviously experience these same nuances, but really tend towards extremes. They are not just tired, they are exhausted. They are not just hungry, they are starving. They are not just angry, they are furious. They are not just in love, they are obsessed. Extremes.

The concept of "half" then becomes so interesting here, to me. Louis's decision to say it that way. To recognize that it does not need to be entire, that perhaps part of the game is taking that half and making it all consuming. For someone to be half in love with death, they must also be half in love with life, yes?

And that's Daniel, here. He wants to live! He wants to live forever! He wants all the things that make him so so human, and he wants more of them. He fights to live, he pushes back on Armand's words. Armand, who in this moment, becomes a physical embodiment of death. This scene then becomes almost a metaphor for the struggle that is suicidal ideation and/or depression. All the fears and uncertainties of youth brought to the fore, and yes. Daniel fights back against them. He absolutely does. He's connecting with the world, he's got this thing that makes him want to keep going. We see that still in the present day - he's sick, yes. He's dying, yes. He might want to die enough to turn down the cure (arguable... another conversation) but he also wants to live enough that he's checking in with his doctor to make sure he's being health-conscious.

Both, And:

"I mean, what about life? Like, joyrides and night swimming, and marriage and cancer, and all of that till the death rattle. I mean, we gotta carry all this shit and you had a ticket out. And you were just gonna throw it away?"

Daniel wants out of life, and he wants life, all at the same time. That's what makes this so compelling to me, is the inability to reduce him to one thing as opposed to many of the narratives we see around suicide. It's what makes vampirism particularly compelling for him, I think. An option where he perceives that he would get to have his cake and eat it too. A way to exist alongside the joy and suffering. To have both.

And at it's core, this might be the most important thing that the whole conversation around Daniel wanting to live or die reveals to me: Daniel wants to be in control of whether he lives or dies. He wants to choose. And damn, doesn't that make the idea of becoming a vampire seem tempting? It's complex and it's incredibly compelling because it leaves us all going "well... is he suicidal? is he simply exercising his own free will? is it neither of those things? both?"

This show gives us so many nuances narratives dealing with suicide. It shows us the layers of it. The humanity of it. The way that we can exist alongside the darker things and not always give into them. The way when people do, it is not all they are but is just a moment. Just a moment in their lives that yes, may sometimes mark the end, but is not an identifier of the whole.

So I guess this whole long ramble is really just to say that no, if we are being semantic about it, I don't think of Daniel as suicidal because I don't tend to think of anyone that way. But do I think he experienced suicidal ideation prior to San Francisco? Yes. It gives him a narrative agency that I think is far more compelling and meaningful than a simplified answer would be.

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Sunlight (Hozier)

All the tales the same/Told before and told again/A soul that's born in cold and rain/Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight/And at last can grant a name/To a buried and a burning flame/As love and its decisive pain/Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

But whose heart would not take flight/Betray the moon as acolyte/On first and fierce affirming sight of/Sunlight, sunlight, sunlight/I had been lost to you, sunlight/And flew like a moth to you, sunlight, oh, sunlight/Oh, your love is sunlight

"I come down with the shivers and start hyperventilating when i hear this song and it makes me want to go outside which is the scariest part"

"I'm not gonna go full infodump here but this song is Peak Vash and Nicholas D. Wolfwood from Trigun-- specifically Nick's feelings towards Vash. Vash's (literal) evil twin brother Knives hired (read: threatened to eradicate the orphanage he kidnapped Nick from as a child if he didn't do what he was told) Nick to act as bodyguard for Vash and guide him to where Knives wants him to go so he can manipulate him for his own gain. Like, he chose the name Knives. This bitch is crazy beyond crazy but this ain't about him. Nick starts out 100% willing to guide Vash like a lamb to slaughter because he HAS to for the orphanage, and this is just some random guy he doesn't know or care about. But then he gets to know Vash, how good of a person he is despite the shit the world (and Knives) has put him through. How he'd rather risk his own life and health than kill another person because he believes he doesn't get to make that choice for people. And despite being someone who'd rather shoot first, pray for them after, Nick starts trying to wound rather than kill just because Vash doesn't like it. It puts them both at risk and he fusses and argues about it and still kills sometimes but he tries anyways. Eventually he decides that he'll do what he can to protect Vash from Knives without provoking him to destroy the orphanage. He ends up caring about him deeply against his own will to the point that his idea of Eden would be to live with Vash and their friends in a peaceful world where none of them have to fight and die. In the manga, Nick's dying request is to see Vash smile again- the genuine smile that he's complimented every time he's seen it. Vash can't give him that, because he knows Nick would see that it was a forced smile. Instead, he just sits with him until he dies. Afterwards, Vash kills willingly for the first time in his entire life (over 150 years. He's not human btw) in order to protect Nick's childhood friend Livio. He wouldn't just do that for just any friend or ally, no, that was out of love. Love so strong he could go against his own mother's teachings that all life matters and people don't get to choose when a life ends, the thing that has kept Vash pacifist all these years, to keep someone that mattered to Nick alive. So while Nick never knew that Vash cared for him the same way he did him, the fact matters that he does."

Praying (Ke$ha)

Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell/I had to learn how to fight for myself/And we both know all the truth I could tell/I'll just say this is I wish you farewell

"Ke$ha putting all her rage and pain into one song directed at her abuser, while also being a triumphant musical comeback after escaping his control over her career"

[jilegogreengiantstories]

WHY ILLUMINATION SHOULD Turn The Sing movies into a series (episodes) or a graphic novel series

(Sorry if it's to long I just need to write what I think)

I love the sing movies as much as the next person, its probably one of illuminations best franchises. As much as I lobe the movies and the main characters, I wish they would explain their backstories before meeting buster, And with the third one in development, I'm hoping they do just that. But what if they don't. Well that's what I keep asking myself, how they could show the audience the characters stories or their lives, after and before. Well I've come up with an idea on that. I have 2 possibilities a series (episodes) or a graphic novel series.

Here let me explain what they could do and why.

A series (episodes):

If the writers don't have time to make movies for sing, they can(could) make a series to show what the characters are doing and their development or introduce new characters in the story. And also talk about their life and things that have happened during the movies. It could also have side stories or parts 1 or 2 episodes to see what each character and storyline is doing, and also help character traits be developed in a character, see what their relationship with each other is like, and even help bring in new songs to the show and have each character show their skills. And most importantly answer questions each movie leaves about, and explain things that happened before.

Graphic novels:

We can learn about the characters and their backstories and new characters that might not be mentioned in the movies (or series) And they can address serious topics like death of a loved one more seriously and it can mainly focus on one character and their past and how it happened. And most importantly it would save illumination a lot of time and keep people from asking or waiting for something to happen. And if the characters have a dark backstory, and the people at home don't have to complain that anything risky is put it on theaters or TV and get complaints about it on what their viewers are watching. And ok it's not like animation studios haven't done anything like that. I mean look at Disney & pixar, they've done things parents might not agree with, or things that might scare kids, or done things that people should discuss or things that shouldn't be hard to tell kids and DreamWorks has been doing those things for years it wouldn't surprise me if Illumination did that to. Not that I have a problem with it, I'm glad that animation movie studios are having characters be or talk about things that make them feel real, like family drama, discrimination, Sexuality, mental health, depression, trauma, etc. And like most animation Companies who have not recently but not too long ago have Done these things to give "life" and personality to the characters, but because of the backlash and criticism that that many entertainment studios have gotten, (like Disney and pixar) studios have taken less risks and been struggling with either doing what critic's want and certain audiences want, or doing risks and doing what another certain audience wants or the other way, and if Illumination is worried about taking a risk of any of those things I mentioned, and are afraid that a franchise will be be ruined or canceled because of it, they should make a graphic novel series to explain things or to continue it. There are so many things I would like to say about entertainment studios and criticism and backlash they could get, or the unfair criticism their movies can get, but I'll save that for another post.

Anyway That's my opinion, but what's yours? Answer in the poll and if you have your reasons or opinions comment on what you think, If you don't let my opinion that's okay.

And when the votes have been done, I'll explain more about it.

[pillarsalt]

How do you cope with loneliness? My friends are so important to me but sometimes I feel like I can't fully relate to them anymore, and I just think about how they would hate me if they knew I was GC. I have TIF and even a few TIM friends that I love and cherish very dearly because I can see that they've just fallen victim to a toxic ideology feeding their body dysmorphia and self-esteem issues. But I can't tell them how genuinely worried I am about their mental health or send them detrans testimonies that I think they would relate to because they'd think I was some hateful violent monster that I'm not. Even the content creators that bring me joy and comfort are all so fiercely anti-TERF and it just makes me sad. I don't want to hurt anyone. I even distanced from the radfem community a bit because I felt like I was becoming too hateful towards men and TIMs when I truly believe many of the ones in my life are just trying their best and fell victim to a manipulative ideology that myself and other women also fell for. It's not that I wish I was still a TRA, because I feel much more at peace internally with my identity and my belief system, but I don't know if I can say peaking has made me happier overall. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere now. Making radfem friends helped a little bit but it's not the same as being around people I've known for years and gotten close to for reasons other than this one shared belief. I don't just want to abandon them all. And it's FRUSTRATING to see people spew misinformed fearmongered nonsense and not be able to actually help them dissect those beliefs. Feeling like the only one who sees things for how they really are, but forced to play along regardless, is just so restrictive and isolating.

To be completely honest with you, I don't have a great answer. I've been lucky to have one or two close friends at a time to whom I can tell everything, including my uncensored feminism-related beliefs. I've also been (and currently am) in friend groups with multiple people who identify as trans or are dating someone who identifies as trans, and have had to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself to keep the peace. I agree it's incredibly difficult sometimes, and I know a fair few of them would instantly drop me if they knew I was a "terf". It's kind of funny because I know some of them have an inkling of what I think about the issue, but say nothing so they don't have to fight with me. If anyone asked my opinion directly, I wouldn't lie, but I admit that I lie by omission.

It is hard to watch the ones who take the medicalization route hurt themselves. My ex girlfriend and I still talk, she's a they/them nonbinary now and despite always and still being very feminine and never expressing discomfort with her body before (including posting thirst traps often,) she wants to get a mastectomy soon. It sucks because of course after having looked into this phenomenon for so long, I'm well aware of the complications and side effects that can result from a major procedure like this: phantom pain/itching, extensive and restrictive scarring, the risks of infection and necrosis, and of course the risk of regretting having an entire organ unnecessarily removed from your body later on when it's no longer fashionable to do so. It sucks that voicing even the mere suggestion that it might be a bad idea is enough to have you shunned as an apostate. I genuinely care about her and I would feel similarly if she was having any other radical cosmetic surgery like breast implants or a BBL. At the end of the day, our friends will make their own choices regardless of how we feel about it, and the only thing we can really do is be there for them in the end.

I feel similarly to you in that I don't want to hurt anyone, only to protect people and especially women from the harms that are intrinsic to trans ideology. Unfortunately, you can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. Sometimes though, you can play dumb and ask questions that might get them to think a little bit more about the rhetoric they're repeating. For example, I often go out for drinks with coworkers, one of whom is a she/they nonbinary woman. One time she said something about how she couldn't be a full they/them because she's still 'girly' sometimes. I said something like "doesn't it seem kind of regressive to associate how feminine you are with how much of a woman you are? what about butch lesbians?" She didn't have an answer and brushed it off, but I could see the cogs turning a bit. Playing the uninformed normie pointing out the obvious sometimes gets them to realize how twisted the logic in trans echo chambers can be. And I think sometimes expressing your disagreement with the dogma can show your friends, who know you well and know you're a good person, that, contrary to what they've been told, not everyone who disagrees with gender ideology is an evil nazi out to slaughter transwomen in the streets.

But yes, in general, it is very very isolating to hold radical feminist beliefs. I'm sorry you're going through it. One thing to remember is, there are tons of women even in your general vicinity, who like you, don't buy into gender rhetoric but aren't saying anything in order to preserve their safety and social lives. I do believe that as the world seems to be becoming more aware of the reality of the situation, more and more people will feel able to be open about their dissent, and it will become less of a fringe opinion as the flaws in the ideology are exposed. Here's hoping I guess. Keep your chin up anon.

[countlessrealities]

I normally wouldn't do this, because this is a RP blog and one of its purposes is to allow me to take a break from reality, but this is too important and it's heaving me too much not to put it out there.

It's the first and ONLY post I'll ever make on the subject. Anything else can be discussed privately, if you want to talk to me about it. Ofc, with "talk" I mean a civil discussion, otherwise fuck off.

I'll start with saying this: I'm not American, I live in Europe. Still, what happened with the elections affects the whole world, including my country, so I think I have the right to be as bitter and upset and real fucking worried as anyone else.

Also because, you know, Russia and Ukraine are my neighbours, so if someone decides to do something extreme, like dropping a nuclear bomb, well...it was nice knowing you, guys.

However, that's just one of my concerns, and it's not even at the top of the list. What really scares me is what the world has been turning into in the past few years. There are extremists and fanatics everywhere, I see people getting killed every day on the news, and not just war victims. I'm talking deaths in countries that are supposed to be at peace and civilised.

Where I live, every day there's at least one woman who gets killed. The youngest one so far was 14. Every day there's some hate crime happening. Every day there are immigrants who die at sea, because my country prevents rescues and tries to stop humanitarian organisations from saving lives.

Every day our government makes a step further in denying us our rights. Abortion, euthanasia (which has never been legal in my country, btw, and now it probably never will), the right to hold peaceful protests, civil unions for not conventional (hetero cis) couples, a proper accessible health system, and so on. The list goes on and on.

I'm a doctor and I work in the public health system. Around here, the State is supposed to provide free basic care to everyone and make the rest at very accessible prices (with exemptions for some categories, depending on age, income, disability, etc). This sounds nice, but it's becoming less and less of a reality. They keep cutting our budgets, the waiting lists get longer and longer, people are forced to pay for what should be provided by the taxes they pay. It's nowhere as bad as it's in many other counties, not yet, but I see it getting worse every day. Over a year of waiting for an exam. You could literally die while waiting for it, if you can't afford to pay for it. Also, everything in the health system is understaffed. There aren't enough doctors, nurses and the rest of the personnel. A lot of my colleagues leave the public and open their own private practices and, as much as I hate it, I can't even blame them. We're mostly underpaid and the shifts are fucking brutal.

It's getting hard to do everything. Do your work properly, have freedom, be able to be yourself, be allowed to live your life now and with whom you choose.

I know for sure that Trump's winning is just going to exacerbate all of this and honestly I can't help but think that it's gonna end badly for a lot of people, if not for everyone. I'm not saying that the other side is blameless, it's their fault too if we got this far, but at least we wouldn't be risking what we're facing now with them.

I wish I could say that I'm shocked that he won, and with so many votes, but I'm not. If something, this is the umpteenth proof of what I've been thinking for years. Humans suck and we're obviously set on self-destruction. Just look at what we have done to the planet. And what's crazier is that, even with all the consequences of climate change slapping us in the face every day, we still go on as if it wasn't a big deal. Because, of course, unless it happens to you specially, it doesn't really matter, does it?

I'm not saying that I've completely lost the little faith I had in humanity after this, but I've surely become more pessimistic than I already was. Perhaps we should really just go extinct, it would be for the best.

I've rambled enough. I'll end by saying that, if there's at least a little justice in the universe, that man will get stopped before he can do irreparable damage. Does me wishing him the worst make me a bad person? Probably, in the eyes of some. But let's look at the fact. He's old, overweight, eats badly, probably never exercises. Being president of the USA is a highly stressful job. It's a fact that he is an individual with a high risk of cardiovascular events.

Anyway. Don't give up on trying to change things, no matter how little. I won't, even if I'm really tempted to. Stay safe, as much as you can. I hope to see you on the other side.