#I just wish Buck and Eddie could get the same treatment

[coal15]

Here's an excerpt from Tandum Idiots, the Station 19 Travis/Eli fic I just posted. It's nothing elaborate, just a progression of their relationship. There's fluff, snark, sexy times, hurt/comfort, no hardcore smut, no insipid love triangles. Enjoy:

Please, please, please, please keep him safe, his mind begs. Eli is not a man accustomed to begging, but now he does. Ceaselessly. He’s so laser focused on pleading for Travis’s safety, he doesn’t even notice Andy sprinting up to the crowd perimeter until she’s standing directly in front of him. 

“He’s on the second floor next to a load bearing wall,” she informs him, the words coming in a fast no nonsense rush. “The stairs aren’t passable anymore but Vic and Sully are up there trying to knock down enough fire in either the hall or west bedroom to clear a path to the windows. Okay, I gotta get back, I’ll try to keep you posted if I can.” She’s charging back to the firetruck yelling orders before Eli can even get the words ‘thank you’ out of his mouth. 

Being so familiar with this incredible team does offer Eli a measure of comfort. The knowledge that every single person battling this fire is incredibly skilled, strong, and possessed of a profound loyalty to one another. He knows when it comes to protecting their family, each of them will always fight til the point of no hope, and even well beyond, before accepting defeat. 

Another ten minutes of frantic chaos goes by before Eli sees one of the ladders moving, extending toward a window at the side of the building. The smoke is so thick he can barely make out a hand reaching out for the promise of rescue. Seconds later this person, a firefighter, descends down the ladder with the help of someone else. 

Eli squints, craning his neck for a clear look at the person’s jacket and desperately trying a not to assume it’s his person just because he wants it to be. 

Then he sees it.

Montgomery

The relief turns his legs into jello and he crumples to the ground, sobbing words of relief and gratitude. As nearby spectators help him to his feet he realizes Andy is waving him over, yelling at the people steadfastly maintaining crowd control to let him through. 

Travis barely has time to get his helmet and mask off before Eli thwumps into him, all tears and kisses.

“How can you hug me right now? I must smell terrible!” Travis teases through heavy breathing.

“You could smell like a landfill and I wouldn’t care, you're alive!” Eli sobs, dizzied and delighted as he presses his face into the curve of Travis’s throat. “I was so terrified,” he whimpers, the words muffled against Travis’s skin.

The smoke-soaked man says nothing, but wraps his arms around Eli and holds on tight. Like both their lives depend on it. Normally by now he would be telling the incident commander he’s okay, he’s fine, he’s ready to go back in and keep fighting. But Eli is so upset, so fragile in his arms, he can’t bring himself to charge back inside. Not unless he’s ordered to.

No one delivers such an order, so once Eli is calmed down enough to let go of him and stand back Travis does his part from the outside. He helps man the fire hose, clear fallen debris, and takes an ax to various parts of the house’s exterior to create more escape points. Eventually they get the fire under control and snuff it out completely.

Then the brave firefighters of Seattle all move along and wait for their next emergency. 

Eli, however, is not a firefighter. And he can’t stop having nightmares. Watching his boyfriend burn alive or choke to death on smoke, sometimes while other people mill around doing nothing to intervene, like it’s not even happening. Whenever they spend the night together, which is most nights, Travis tends to wake up suddenly to Eli wailing and thrashing beside him. “It’s a dream,” he whispers, gently squeezing Eli's arm. “Wake up baby, it’s just a dream.” Tonight is another one of those nights. Travis is having trouble falling asleep and he’s trying to order his brain to shut down before the sun comes up when an unconscious Eli begins to squirm and whine. Maybe it’s not a nightmare, it could just be sleep babbling. 

“Aagh!” Eli bolts upright, wide eyed and panting.

Travis hefts himself up, curling both arms around his boyfriend, surrounding his body so they’re posed with Eli’s back against his chest. Nope. Another nightmare.

“Sorry,” Eli warbles, embarrassed and rather annoyed with himself. 

“It’s fine,” Travis whispers. “You’re fine.” He nudges Eli’s chin, prompting the man to tilt his head back enough for a lingering kiss.  

“I just wish these damn nightmares would stop.”

“I’m sure they will.” Travis guides their bodies to lean back against the headboard, and the two of them cuddle in silence. Meanwhile, a possible issue begins nagging at the back of his mind. He pushes it down, too tired for deep thoughts or discussion. We’ll deal with it later, he tells himself. 

Eventually they re-settle beneath the covers, Travis on his back and Eli’s head tucked neatly beneath his chin. 

When morning comes Travis wakes to discover his peacefully sleeping man has rolled away from him. He watches Eli’s shoulders rise and fall, no squirming or hints of distress, and his immediate urge is to slide close and play Big Spoon. Eli is the best Little Spoon on earth as far as Travis is concerned. He needs as much sleep as he can get, he reminds himself. If I go squirming over there, I might wake him up. So instead he gets up, mindful not to disturb the mattress too much as he rises, and heads for the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee. 

He’s even contemplating the possibility of pancakes.

Who doesn’t love a pancake breakfast?

It's only a few minutes later when Eli shuffles into the room. “Sorry again about last night,” he apologizes through a long yawn, reaching out for the coffee pot like a zombie in search of brains.  

“S’okay, I got it. Here.” Travis fetches down another mug and pours another piping hot cup of energy. 

Eli accepts the beverage and leans in for a quick good morning kiss, but then something gives him pause. He hesitates.

“What?” 

“I’m not sure.” Eli says, eyes narrowing as he tries to decipher Travis’s expression. “You just look . . . a bit troubled. Is there something we need to talk about?” 

There is an issue on Travis’s mind. He really doesn’t want to admit it, but the alternative is lying to his boyfriend, so he has no choice. “I guess I’m worried about . . .”

“Yeah? Worried about . . . ?”

“The thing is, Eli, that fire? It was bad, but I’ve been in way worse. Not only have I, but I will be again at some point, it’s part of the job. It’s something . . .” he pauses to carefully consider his words. “ . . . Eli anyone who chooses to be with a firefighter has to accept the same fact. That every day we go to work, we might not come home. You have to deal with knowing, every day, that you might get that call. It is an awful call, and . . . not everyone can handle it. So I, I wouldn’t blame you if it’s too much for-” 

Eli puts an end to Travis’s worried monologue by inhaling his mouth in a wild, needy kiss. “It’s not too much, I promise.” The words come breathy and rushed between a barrage of kisses. “It was just my first time seeing it that bad and I-” He stops kissing, steers Travis up against the refrigerator, and pulls off his t-shirt in one fluid move. “I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” Travis manages to ask quickly before Eli goes on devouring him, tongue sliding and pushing against his own.

Finally Eli pulls back, panting and entirely kiss-drunk. “I am sure. I’ll adjust, Travis, it just . . . might take a minute.”

Travis gazes at his boyfriend's face, unblinking, absorbing every detail. What he sees is absolute sincerity. “You really do believe we’re worth it don’t you?” 

The fact that Travis even needs to ask sends Eli’s heart breaking open. “Sweetheart,” he whispers, cradling the man's face and dusting little kisses all over. “We are worth everything to me. If being with you means I must learn to cope with life-or-death stress on a regular basis, then I will damn well learn.” 

“Wow,” Travis's eyes pool with misty sentiment. “How did I find a guy like you?”

“You didn’t.” Eli giggles. “I barged into your place of business and ordered you to employ me. Which you did.” 

Travis opens his mouth to fire off a snarky response, but Vic’s voice cuts him off.

“I am about to enter the kitchen,” she announces. “You have five seconds to cover your junk if necessary.”

Eli leaps back like a caught out teenager whilst Travis snatches up and dives into his shirt. “We’re not always making out in here y’know.” He says when Vic strolls into the room. 

“Please,” she snorts, nudging Travis away from the fridge to gain access to her overnight oats. “If there were hidden cameras set up in here I’d have enough material to start an OnlyFans account.”

Travis rolls his eyes. “Overstatement much?”

“We’d expect a share of the profits.” Eli casually informs her. 

Travis whips his head around, pointing a stern finger at Eli. “No, bad! Stop it!”

Eli’s lips press tight as he struggles not to laugh. “Mmm, Yes Sir.” Victoria giggles and high fives him whilst making zero effort to stop laughing.

“You’re the worst,” Travis informs the them. The chuckle twins. “You are both the worst. Who wants pancakes?” 

Rather than acknowledge the question, Vic turns to Eli and asks in a matter-of-fact 'team meeting' sort of tone, “how do you feel about props, my guy? Should there be props?”

“Chocolate chip pancakes,” Travis mutters to himself, “yeah, those sound good.” 

By the time breakfast is served Vic and Eli have dropped the onlyfans gag, but it does become a running joke between the two of them. Comments here and there. Travis pretends to be annoyed by it, but the truth is he loves how well they get along. It means no touchy, tumultuous ‘significant other and best friend don’t get along’ drama to navigate. 

Waiting for the next huge life-threatening disaster to come along is like waiting for the other shoe to drop. And not that Eli wishes catastrophe upon anyone, but he needs to experience the proof, for both himself and Travis, that he can cope with the reality of Travis’s job. Day in and day out. For what he keenly hopes will be the rest of his life.

When the other shoe does finally drop, it happens in the worst way possible.

*************

Go HERE to read the whole thing.

[loucifersbitch]

yay for the follower milestone! For the prompt, can I suggest buddietommy and sleep deprived?

*looks at prompt* yeah, no way i'll be able to only write 11 sentences for this sldkfjslkfjskl

Eddie gets home first, dog-tired after a harrowing shift. They went their entire 24 hours without so much as a 5 minute break between calls. Willing himself to remain conscious, he drops his bag in the bedroom, stripping out of the clothes he'd hastily thrown on before leaving the station. The bed is damn near calling to him, but he knows he smells after the shift he just went through. He makes sure everything gets into the hamper (because otherwise someone will have something to say about it) before heading to the bathroom and starting the shower.

Stepping across the stone floor and under the rain shower head, he moans. The water pressure is heavenly, and for a few minutes he stands still under the spray, water running down his back, his sore muscles soaking in the heat. His eyelids droop with the exhaustion, but he forces them to stay open.

He barely registers the sound of the bathroom door opening, the smell of eggs and bacon and sausage permeating the air before the latch clicks again. Stuck in an almost trance-like state, he wishes he could sleep standing up. Or that the strength to lift his arms to wash his hair would hit him sometime soon.

Large, sure hands wrap around his hips from behind, and he immediately melts into it.

"Hey," Tommy says, his voice low as he kisses Eddie's shoulder. "Rough shift?"

"Mhm," he hums, nodding.

"Yeah, Evan said you guys didn't get a break."

Eddie hums in agreement again. "Where is he, by the way? I thought he was right behind me when I left the station."

"You know him, gotta make sure we eat before passing out for the next twelve hours. He'll be along soon."

Like they summoned him, the bathroom door opens and closes again, Buck joining them almost as soon as he'd entered the room. He plasters himself to Eddie's front, arms reaching around them until he's grabbing Tommy's shoulders.

"Jesus, Buck, why are you so cold?" Eddie asks, looping his arms around Buck's middle.

"'m not cold," Buck grumbles, burying his - very cold - face in Eddie's neck. "You jus' have the water temperature too high."

"Or he spent 10 minutes out in the freezing rain trying to catch Mrs. Petersen's dog for her again," Tommy murmurs.

"Hey, Greg is fast, and she's 74! I was helping. It's called being a good neighbor, Thomas."

"Mhm, and how exactly did you plan to catch him with your bare hands in the pouring rain?"

Eddie snickers at the mental image that springs to mind.

"I was being chivalrous," Buck grumbles again.

"Good thing it's your turn to do laundry," Tommy continues. "I wouldn't want to be the one to get those mud stains out of your jeans and shirt."

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up and get clean. We're wasting water," Buck says, staying exactly where he is and making it impossible to clean anything.

"Okay," Tommy says with finality, "Eddie first. Evan go sit on the bench."

Eddie can feel Buck beginning to pout where his mouth is buried against his clavicle.

"But I -"

"Now, Evan."

Buck huffs, but listens, sitting on the large wooden bench at the back of the shower.

Tommy begins washing Eddie's hair, and Eddie can't hold back the whimpers and gasps as gentle fingers massage his scalp. Tommy isn't trying to make it sensual, but Eddie is affected nonetheless. He can't help it when one of his partners' hands are in his hair.

Tommy moves methodically - meticulously - like with everything else he does. He has this particular way of caring for Eddie and Buck that makes them feel spoiled and cherished all at once.

When Tommy's done with him, Eddie and Buck trade places, and Eddie watches Tommy give Buck the same caring treatment he'd just received. There's a soft smile on Tommy's face as he works. This is just as much for him as it is for them.

Eddie and Buck both try to wash Tommy's hair for him, but he waves them off. They do manage to talk their way into washing the rest of him. Very meticulously.

The three fluffy towels on the counter hadn't been there when Eddie stepped in the shower, but Tommy always thinks of everything. They towel off, throw on the bare minimum of clothing, and quickly eat the breakfast sandwiches Buck had prepared.

They finally fall into bed, an unidentifiable mass of limbs and muscles, their bodies beyond exhaustion, their soft words turn into quiet snores almost immediately.

[desertpersephone]

Since non-sexual intimacy and shaving are blowing up in the buddie fandom right now, thought I'd throw out an expert from my five senses fic:

“Okay, done with that,” Buck said, setting the clippers on the edge of the sink counter and stepping out of Eddie’s knees to grab the shaving cream and a fresh razor from the package — Eddie could hear him peel back the plastic. And then Buck was back between his knees and Eddie was tipping his chin up again, obediently. “Ready? The shaving cream is gonna be cold.” “Ready,” Eddie nodded, and there was the tell-tale sound of the shaving cream bottle before Buck gently started to apply it to Eddie’s face. His touch was firm, smearing the cream over Eddie’s cheeks first, then his chin and above his upper lip. Buck paused, another squirt of the bottle echoing in the silence before he tipped Eddie’s chin up and started to apply it to the soft flesh on the underside of Eddie’s jaw. The skin of his throat and neck seemed more sensitive and Eddie could feel the scrape of Buck’s callouses over his Adam’s apple when he swallowed. Buck’s fingers seemed to hesitate for a moment before continuing on their mission and Eddie gritted his teeth as Buck finished, his skin tingling from the cream and the attention. Buck washed his hands, the faucet roaring like a waterfall, sound echoing off the old 30s tiles. “I’m gonna use the razor now, try to ��� I don’t want to knick you,” Buck spoke softly, softer than he needed to and all Eddie could hear was the loud pounding of Buck’s heart. He wanted to reach out, lay a hand on his chest, feel the echo as well as hear it, the way he had felt it that day in the rain. And he knew that, technically, he really hadn’t been able to feel Buck’s heart kick back on, not through his gloves and his own fried nerves, but in his mind he swore he’d felt it. He wondered if it beat with the same rhythm now, as Buck set the cold head of the razor against his cheek, carefully starting to slide it down. Eddie could tell that Buck was shaving him the same way Buck shaved his own face, cheeks, first, then chin, mustache, and finally the neck. Which of course Buck would just go about it in the same way he shaved himself, and Eddie had watched Buck shave a handful of times but had never realized how gentle and slow he went. It probably had something to do with the old acne scars and the breakouts Buck was still occasionally prone to, but the treatment made Eddie a little weak in his bent knees. Buck was treating him so gently, far gentler than Eddie did when he shaved himself, and wasn’t that always how Buck treated him? It wasn’t that Buck was afraid to hurt him, but that when he was inevitably injured — through circumstance or of his own making — those hurts mattered. Eddie’s wounds weren’t something to be ignored for Buck. They were something to be treated. Antibiotic ointment applied and fresh bandages. Soft touches to the worst of the bruises. Eddie wished he could push his thumb into a bruise now, to distract himself from the ache in his stomach. Buck applied careful tension when he shaved the vulnerable places under Eddie’s jaw, that soft stripe of flesh that Eddie didn’t expose to anyone. It squished up when he looked down anymore, a sign of getting older he was sure, and he kept it hidden from the girls he had slept with, protecting the space between his jaw bones like a wild animal. But Buck guided the razor and all its blades over the skin with a confidence that had Eddie almost whimpering. The pressure of Buck’s fingers against his Adam's apple to stretch the skin made his fingers flex and he wondered what it would feel like to be kissed there, where he was the most sensitive. What would it feel like to have Buck kiss him there?

read the rest on ao3

[ravens-words]

The Secret Relationship AU

AN: I wasn't going to post before it's finished, but I thought this might be the push I need to finally finish it so here we are. Thank you in advance if you read. I will love you forever if you reblog/reply. Hope you enjoy!

-

Now

-

"Is everything okay with you and Eddie?"

When Buck looked up from his phone, Bobby was sitting on the bench next to him, and he was waiting expectantly for an answer.

Too bad Buck didn't really have an answer; not a truthful one anyway. "Of course it is, Cap. Why do you ask?"

Bobby shrugged. "You two seem to be avoiding each other; it's been happening for the past couple of days. I just thought I'd check in."

Buck tried to appear nonchalant. "Nothing's going on, cap," he was short with him, even though he hadn't meant to be. He wanted this conversation to be over already.

"Buck-"

"Look, Bobby, we still work together just fine. We're professional, right?"

"Yes, but that's not what I'm talking about."

He slammed his locker shut, grabbed his duffel and looked his captain in the eye. "That's all I'm willing to talk about, Bobby. If it starts to affect our work, tell me, otherwise- just leave it."

Bobby didn't say anything, didn't react much save for a short nod. It made Buck feel guilty. "I'm sorry, Bobby."

"Don't be, kid. You're entitled to your privacy. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Tears filled his eyes, and Bobby seemed to notice. The older man sighed and stepped forward, both hands settling on Buck's shoulders. "It's okay, kid," he assured him, a small sad smile on his lips. "Just know I'm here and I'm willing to listen, okay?" At Buck's nod, he patted his shoulder and stepped away. He stopped at the doorway, and called his name.

Buck wiped his face roughly, then turned back to him. "Yeah?"

"Whatever it is, it's gonna be okay. You two can make it through anything. You've proven that more than once."

Buck wished that were true.

-

Then

-

"Can you please get it over with?"

Eddie clenched his jaw, but didn’t spare him a glance as he kept looking ahead. His hands were tight on the steering wheel. Buck closed his eyes, let his head rest back against the headrest and winced. He was dizzy, his wrist ached, he had a blinding headache and he really needed his bed. Having an argument right now was at the very bottom of the list of things Buck needed right now, but Eddie giving him the silent treatment was somehow worse.

"Eddie-"

"Not now, Buck," he cut him off, harsh and incredibly cold.

"Fine," he sighed.

"Fine," Eddie bit out.

-

After his fifth failed attempt to unlock the door, Eddie wordlessly pushed him aside and unlocked the door. He used his own key, and Buck couldn't stop staring at it, and at Eddie's hand, his long fingers. He shook his head, winced at the pain that shot up through his skull, nearly blinding him, and held onto the wall for support.

When he thought he could open his eyes without throwing up, he found Eddie watching him, thinly masked concern written all over his expression. It cleared when he saw Buck looking, and the anger was back. He went further inside the apartment, leaving Buck to trail after him, and got himself a glass of water.

Buck sighed. He didn't think drinking water could be aggressive, but Eddie proved him wrong.

"Eddie."

More aggressive chugging.

"Eddie."

"What?!" he snapped.

Buck felt his hackles rising. "What's going on?"

Both of them were breathing heavily now. Eddie was quiet for a few seconds, then- "are you gonna keep doing this?"

Buck could act like he didn't know exactly what Eddie meant, but he didn't have the patience. "Keep doing my job, you mean? Yeah, Eddie, I do."

"Your job? You- you could’ve gotten out earlier, you could have avoided having a fucking building fall on you."

Buck's anger was a real, living thing inside of him now. "You'd have done the same, Eddie. Hell, you have. It's our job to put our lives at risk."

Eddie shook his head. "No, it's not. Not like that, not like today."

They were standing face to face now, both angry and afraid. There was something electric in the way Eddie was looking at him, like something had shifted. "When you cut your line, three years ago, did I hold it against you? Did I ever bring it up? You risked your life then, just like I did today."

"That was different," Eddie told him, the words escaping through gritted teeth.

"No, it wasn't, and you know it."

They stared at each other, anger slowly seeping out. Buck took a minute to look at his best friend, and he found that now, all that remained in the other man's eyes was fear. "Eddie-" he started, cautious and quiet.

"I'm sorry," Eddie said, just as quiet, "you're right." He looked away, scrubbing a hand down his face. "You scared the hell out of me today, Buck."

"I get that, but you've never- you've never been this angry about it before, so- what gives?"

Eddie looked at him in a way that made Buck think he missed something. Eddie took a step back, hands in his pocket. "I'm gonna take off, do you need anything?"

Buck blinked, startled at the abrupt change. "I thought you were going to stay."

"Change of plans," he told him, looking down at his phone, "Bobby can come keep you company. I'm pretty sure he wanted to come anyway-"

"You always stay," he didn't mean for it to, but the words sounded small and a little betrayed.

Eddie's fingers faltered, and he looked up before he could send the message. "Buck, I can't-"

"You can," he insisted, "why won't you just talk to me?"

He tried to move around him, but Buck refused to let him. "Buck, not now."

He didn’t budge. "This isn't the first time I've done something reckless, and it's not even the worst, so why are you acting like this?" He asked him, throwing the hand that's not in a sling in the air.

"I don't fucking want to lose you, okay?!" Eddie burst out, face red and fists clenched. "You died three months ago. Right in front of me, and I couldn't do a thing about it. Before, there was always this part of me that was used to it- you get hurt, but eventually, you're okay. But now- now all I can think about whenever you do something stupid is those three minutes and seventeen seconds you were dead."

Buck softened, and his eyes filled with tears. "But, I'm okay. I'm alive, I'm breathing."

"Maybe you are but- I'm not, Buck. I'm holding my breath, because all I can think about is the time your luck will run out, and it's fucking inconvenient."

Buck's too stunned to speak, but he tries anyway. "I don't- I don't know what to say. Eds, I'm sorry that it scares you," Eddie flinched at this, but Buck went on, "but this is me. This is how I've always been."

"I know," Eddie told him, "this is on me. It's my problem, Buck."

"Tell me how to fix it."

"You can't," he told him, "and you don't have to, because it's not on you."

"Eds-"

He took a step back. "It doesn't matter. I gotta go," he said under his breath as he hurriedly gathered his jacket and ignored Buck calling his name.

"What? No, you can't- Eddie, wait."

Buck, all pain forgotten, raced after him. He grabbed his arm just before Eddie managed to make his escape. It's awkward with only one working arm, but Buck yanked him away from the door, and then backed him into it, trapping him between his body and the door. They're closer than he'd intended for them to be, but Buck couldn't bring himself to move away. He and Eddie are both breathing hard at this point, and with each second that passed, Eddie seemed more tense than before. 

He lifted up a shaking hand and cradled Eddie's cheek gently. The other man wasn't really looking at Buck, but a gentle nudge had him looking up and into his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Eddie just shook his head.

That's when Buck noticed it- Eddie was holding his breath. For a second, he felt helpless, but then he swayed closer, and let his forehead rest on Eddie's.

It released some of the tension, had Eddie's shoulders slumping, but not enough. It took a minute, but Eddie finally looked him in the eye, and Buck's breath caught in his eyes.

Eddie's expression was complicated, and though at first it may have seemed blank, it didn't take long for Buck to figure out that it was merely a mask. He took a step closer, his lips only a hair away from Eddie's. He saw a flicker in Eddie's eyes. It was more than concern, more than anger, more than the guarded love Buck had become accustomed to. Eddie's eyes moved down to his lips, then back up, and oh. There was that look again.

Loving.

Desperate.

Hungry.

So Buck made the biggest gamble of his life.

He presses his lips to Eddie's in a short kiss that knocked the air out of his lungs and set him on fire. He pulled away slowly, needing to breathe and to assure himself that he hadn't made the biggest mistake of his life.

When he could bring himself to open his eyes, he looked at Eddie, who was frozen, eyes wide as he stared at Buck. Suddenly, all the warmth he'd felt earlier seeped right out of him and was replaced by horror. He stumbled back a step. "Eddie, I'm sorry-"

Eddie didn't let him finish. He lunged towards him, fusing their lips in a messy, uncoordinated kiss, more desperate than anything else, and framed his face with two gentle hands. It's possibly the best kiss Buck ever had.

They stumbled back into the living room, and over to where his lone arm chair sat. Eddie pulled back from him and looked at the space where his couch, the one he'd picked out with Natalia, used to be.

When Eddie's eyes found his, Buck shrugged. "It wasn't the right couch."

Eddie laughed, low and quiet, then pulled him back in. His  hands roamed his back, restless, and Buck lost time as they traded kisses. He didn't know if they kisses for seconds or minutes, or hours. All he knew was that Eddie's lips were on his, his hands were everywhere, and Buck just wanted more.

So, he stepped backwards, and Eddie followed, lips now migrating towards his neck, his collarbone,  the sensitive skin just below his ear. He unbuttoned his shirt slowly, clumsily and with one hand. Eddie was no help at all as his lips trailed off to bite and suck at Buck's neck. Buck gasped and when he couldn't take it anymore, his hand abandoned its mission to rid Eddie of his shirt, and found its way into his hair. He tugged just hard enough for him to pull back. The look Eddie gave him set him on fire. Buck brought their lips back together, and this kiss left them both gasping for air by the time they pulled back.

"Bed?" Eddie asks breathlessly, and Buck felt a thrill at the words. He grinned, boyish and happy, and Eddie's eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled too.

"Yeah," he said, voice hoarse. Eddie's eyes, if possible, grow darker, and he pulled Buck back in and into another searing kiss.

Buck managed to get Eddie's shirt off, though it took a lot more time than it should've. He had considered just ripping the thing apart, but that would require the use of two hands. Not to mention this was Eddie's favorite shirt.

They somehow managed to make their way up the stairs without falling, which was a miracle considering the fact that Eddie's hands had made their way under Buck's shirt, touch searing and leaving Buck needing more, more, more.

Eddie pushed him to sit on the edge of the mattress, and knelt by the bed. Buck tugged on the collar of his shirt to bring their lips back together, but he just turned his head to kiss Buck's hand as the two of his gently started to undo the sling. Once it was gone, Eddie tenderly held Buck's wrist up to his lips and placed a kiss there, not caring about the bandage covering it. This gesture, more than anything, made Buck's hart sing.

The atmosphere 6changes after that. The tension was still there, so was the desire, but where it was sharper and more frantic, now it was gentle, more patient. Eddie gently urged him to move back and then climbed into his lap. When they kissed this time, it was slow and needy and passionate. Eddie rested his head in the hollow of his throat and took a breath. "Tell me we're not making a mistake," Eddie pleaded with him, hands clutched in the back of Buck's shirt.

Buck coaxed him out of his hiding spot. Their eyes met, Buck's fear and desire and joy reflected back at him. "Does it feel like a mistake to you?"

Eddie closed his eyes. "No," he whispered. When his eyes opened, the doubt was gone completely and he pressed a kiss to Buck's lips. He was gentle when he pulled his shirt over his head and when he pushed Buck to lay down, his movements  impossibly careful. Buck didn't resist. When Eddie dragged the second pillow and stuffed it under his injured wrist, ordering him to not move it, Buck had to laugh gently.

Eddie reeled back, brows furrowed. "What?"

Buck shook his head with a smile, never taking his eyes off him. "Just- I like it when you're bossy."

Eddie smirked, and Buck could tell he was pleased when his eyes darkened at Buck's words. "Oh yeah?" he whisperd the wonrds into Buck's skin,  his forearms bracketing Buck's head.

Buck couldn't take it anymore, so he yanked him down until his body was more or less covering his. Eddie nearly fell off the bed in his effort to keep from putting any pressure on Buck's injured shoulder and wrist.

Laughter bubbled up, spilling out from his lips into the small space between them. Eddie attempts to kiss him, but ultimately failed because they were both laughing too hard.

Once their laughter died down, Eddie pulled himself up, then settled back on Buck's thighs, with his knees on either side of his hips. He leaned down, and Buck watched his every move, biting back a groan when Eddie's lips pressed to his chest, right under his ribcage, then moved down, and down. Eddie's fingers followed the path of his lips down his chest, his touch light enough that it had Buck squirming. His breath on Buck's overheated skin was too much and when he couldn't take it anymore, he grabbed Eddie's chin and drags him up. "You're a tease," he panted into his mouth.

Eddie smirked, opened his mouth to say something, but Buck kissed him quickly before he could.

The kiss caught fire rapidly, and they didn't talk much after that.

[aceofwhump]

and also!! there was little to no aftercare!!! for anyone!!!! Hen's concussion was barely addressed, Chimney's wound healed very quickly, Eddie didn't get treatment, and the same with Bobby. kinda frustrating ngl

YES!!! God how I wish there had been aftercare!!!!!! I totally understand why, like logically, they only had so much time in the episode and needed to have a nice happy wrap up for the finale and I very much enjoyed the ending (Bathena going on their cruise! Group meditation before shift! Buck and Eddie being all happy in the dating world!) but GOD I WISH WE COULD HAVE SEEN THE RECOVERY!!!!!!!! ARGH!!! Thank god for fanfiction (she said hoping there'll be plenty of team recovery fics being written with a focus on the whole team and not just a single ship). Like I'm dying to see all of them recover and be terrible patients but terrible patients together. Chimney and Bobby taking the longest to heal and being annoying about it. Eddie trying to go back to work with broken ribs and Buck forcing him back home. Hen with her concussion getting taken care of by Karen and Denny. Maddie and Athena commiserating over their terrible patients lol. I so wish we could have seen that. But the whump was amazing and I'm quite happy with it. There's fanfiction for the rest :D

[leandra-kinard]

I would like to add something to the last bit, the need for a ship to become canon.

I think it's a perfectly reasonable wish that a queer ship becomes canon because straight ships become canon too. Not every ship you may want, but TV shows are full of those slow burn romances, the "will they, won't they?" scenarios between two characters. See Mulder and Scully, for example. It's a very common and highly popular trope that keeps viewers on the edge of their seats and engaged over seasons, because everybody wants those two people to get together eventually (everybody ships them, in a "rooting for" meaning of the word). And the same applies to same-sex couples. Just that it's so far unheard of to ever be fulfilled.

People want representation, and have been getting more and more of it in recent years, but they do not simply want any kind of queer characters and relationships, they want the same treatment as straight characters and relationships would get, the same diversity of stories and concepts.

There are also many examples where the basis for a shift to a romantic relationship between two male or two female characters was there. (I am thinking first and foremost of Destiel, which sort of halfway did go canon but also not really because it could still be read as a platonic love confession by people with heteronormativity goggles.)

Buddie was one of those examples. The breadcrumbs were there (and it actually pisses me off a little when some Bucktommy shippers who only joined the fandom because of Bucktommy deny this). There were many moments and interactions between Buck and Eddie in the past seasons that were layered with subtext and with a valid, credible potential to read more than just friendship into it - not just some shipper goggle head canons, but genuinely valid interpretations. There were moments that were similar to those between straight characters who later got together. There were prominent tropes and framings often used (and more often so) for romantic purposes. Those things were there.

(Personally, I believe as a sort of 'backdoor' IF they ever could and would decide to make Buddie canon; there needed to be a few of those breadcrumbs that would make it credible in hindsight, which from a writer's perspective makes sense: you don't know if you're ever going there, but you might, and if you do, you need there to be a basis for it).

MOST of all, 9-1-1 was a show that already proved it knew how to handle queer characters. There are Hen and Karen, and there's Tarlos on the spin off; there were tons of side characters or guest characters that were/are queer. If any show was ever to give the fandom a slow burn queer romance, it could be 9-1-1, and it could be Buddie.

So with all those - entirely not unreasonable - hopes and expectations present in the Buddie shipper portion of the fandom, it is of course a somewhat difficult situation to see one half of that ship be confirmed as queer, but then get together with someone else. I can empathize with that.

Personally, while all of the above applied to me, and while I, too, thought at the beginning that this was somehow a catalyst for Buddie to become canon (in the euphoria of "OMG Buck is actually bi??? This is canon??!!"), I realized that Bucktommy may not have been what I wanted all these years, but it's what I needed.

To me, this budding relationship is beautiful; it has a rich potential for so much to explore; it seems mature - not just regarding the emotional maturity in how these two characters communicate and approach each other, but also storytelling wise. It's easy, too. It's not some big dramatic and difficult realization (which it would have been for Eddie, most likely. Look at all his baggage!) but something that Buck slips into, like finding a particularly well-tailored glove all of the sudden.

It wasn't what I envisioned, but it turned out to be better, for me personally. And in regards of Buck and Eddie, I kinda do love the fact that they can still be close friends who love each other beyond what regular friends usually feel for each other, but it's only platonic. Ryan had a point there when he said that it's important to show that a straight and a queer man can still have such a close (and very tactile) friendship without the revelation that one of them is queer changing anything between them. That's also important representation!

That maturity may very well be the crux of the matter. Younger people tend to lean more towards drama, towards angst, and big soul-crushing emotions (and in fic I enjoy that too, to an extent). Older people with more life experience (and often enough drama in their own lives, lol), tend to prefer something that's comfortable, that feels good and right because it's so mature and easy. So maybe that's part of why there is such a rift between some Buddie shippers and others who were content to embrace this new canon relationship.

(While that's a rather charitable reading of the emotional reactions by some of those shippers, I still have very little patience for people who use their frustration to rain on everybody else's parade and display genuine toxicity towards other fans, and most of all to the actors!)

To circle back to the anon's question, I, too, don't think this is unique or new. But I think that from all the shows that had seemingly straight characters who got shipped by fandom, 9-1-1 had the biggest and most realistic potential here. As we saw, the potential was fulfilled for one half of the ship. We weren't wrong to read Buck as bi. And precisely that established fact is reason why some people find it so hard to separate canon and fanon this time around, I believe.

I'm asking this to you because you're the only person I know who's been around fandoms for so long — do you find this shipping-situation weird? I've been in many fandoms but I've never really seen this insistence on there being only one acceptable ship for a character and encouraging the idea that anything other than the norm is almost sacrilegious. Almost every big fandom over the years have had multiple conflicting pairings, take for example, Marvel. Even works of media that have a canon romantic pairing have had fans who ship others with the leads (that was what shipping was tbh) and no one has ever shown up to their doorsteps with pitchforks in hand, at least not that I'm aware of. So I guess I'd really like your opinion on why you think this is happening now? Have things always been this way, just not in plain sight? Is this just the new fandom culture that is developing now with the influx of younger people? Or is this fandom an aberration where a group of people are so used to being the majority that they simply aren't taking well to things not going their way?

I've been thinking about this today, and I'm still not sure what I think.

I've been in fandoms with a hugely dominant ship before. I've been in fandoms that had ship wars. I've been in fandoms with a lot of peacefully co-existing ships. I'm not sure this fandom is really all that different. To answer your first question, no, I don't find it all that weird. In fact I sort of expected it.

Let me tell you a story about the Brokeback Mountain fandom, which managed to have a ship war despite having really only one ship, the canon ship. So BBM fic fell into several broad categories, the biggest of which were fix-the-ending/canon divergence fics and the straight-up AU fics (I wrote one of each, lol). Post-canon fics weren't as common, because you had to deal with one half of the canon pairing being...well, dead.

There was a post-canon fic that gained a lot of fans...and when I say "fic" that's really an understatement. It was a SAGA, and I don't use that term lightly. It was a series of like...6 or 7 epic 100K+ word fics and it was over a million words total. The author would put out more than one 5K chapters per DAY. I'm still in awe of this woman's output. But it was the content that created the issue.

(Brief recap for those who have not seen BBM - two ranch hands in the 1960s, Ennis (Heath Ledger) and Jack (Jake Gyllenhaal) spend a season herding sheep together, have sex, form a bond, then separate to go about their expected hetero lives but get together for fishing trips every year or so to have sex and spend time together. Jack wants more, Ennis is terrified. Both marry and have families. Eventually Jack dies in what is implied to be a gay-bashing but who knows, and Ennis makes his peace with the love he'd felt for him)

The saga picked up a couple of years after the film's events. Ennis decides to tentatively explore what being queer means, goes to Laramie, finds a gay bar, and very cautiously enters. Through a Series of Events he gets mixed up in an assault there and befriends a local sheriff's deputy, who is also gay. They begin a relationship.

Now, this series was COMPLEX. A huge cast of characters, a long and thorough evolution of this relationship, a lot of angst over Jack's memory, and it really worked for a LOT of readers. The new love interest she created was a really great character.

For others...it did not work and they hated it.

The animosity between fans who loved this saga and those that did not grew pretty heated. This was like '05 so there was no twitter or tumblr, this was all on LJ and dedicated fandom forums (some of which banned discussion of this fic for this reason), but there was doxxing and namecalling and real vitriol.

I guess my point in all this is that when there's strong feelings, some fans will find a way to be horrible to each other.

I was in the Sherlock fandom, another fandom 98% dominated by one ship. There were other ships, but somehow they seemed to co-exist mostly peacefully barring some snide remarks and rude comments (I could be wrong about this, if you asked someone who shipped a non-Johnlock ship they might have a different answer). No, the insanity in the Sherlock fandom was not ship-war-related.

I was also in the Criminal Minds fandom, which has a whole bunch of disparate ships and no ship wars that I can recall.

Then there are other fandoms, like Avatar, with TERRIBLE ship wars that are still going on.

I don't think the situation in 9-1-1 is as unique or different from other fandom wanks as has sometimes been asserted. I think terrible fandom wars are sort of inevitable, whether they're ship related or not. But for what it's worth, here are some of my thoughts on what's going on here.

A loooooong time (5.5 seasons) with one very dominant non-canonical queer ship. No other ship really ever approached the level of saturation or devotion of Buddie.

A pervasive belief that this ship might possibly become canon. That's a feature a lot of other ships do not have.

A lack of intense devotion to any of the other love interests. BuckTaylor was never a challenger to Buddie. Neither was Eddie and Shannon, or anybody else. It's hard to fight when there's no worthy challenger.

But now? BuckTommy is not only canon, but it has a lot of fans. It's a threat. And it's not only a threat in a feelings kind of way (as in, people like a thing that is not the thing I like and it makes me upset) but there's a perception that it's an ACTUAL threat, as in if people like this ship and promote it, it could cause it to become a permanent relationship (the degree to which fan response actually affects how the show unfolds is...debatable).

I do not personally think this is the case, but some fans strongly believe that Buddie could still happen if it weren't for BuckTommy. So if you're still wanting Buddie and believe it will or could happen, the existence of an alternate love interest represents a direct obstacle to that happening. That's a heck of an incentive to hate that competing ship. I get it.

That...might be a somewhat unique situation. There's a fight now because there's a challenger who might actually stand a chance.

This goes along with what we saw in the immediate aftermath of 7x04. I read someone else say (apologies, I don't know who it was, feel free to @ me if it was you and I'll credit you) that the early post-7x04 enthusiasm and acceptance of Tommy reflected the belief that he was temporary. A lot of folks thought it was just a way for Buck to get with Eddie, like, very soon after that. But the more time went by, the clearer it became that this was not the plan or the intention. So the mood soured for those who were still pulling for Buddie.

Other fandoms I've been in with a hugely dominant ship...Sherlock and X-Files are the two that spring immediately to mind...there was never a challenger with any legs. X-Files fandom wank was between the ship and the...lack of ship, shall we say. But a concrete, tangible "opponent" makes a fight so much more visceral, doesn't it?

I do think there's been a fandom shift towards needing ships to be canon that I don't really get, but it's there. There's been a lot written about fandom culture in the last ten years, the breakdown of boundaries between fans and creators, the access to those creators, a sense of ownership/entitlement, purity culture, obsession with shipping "correctly" (which leads into wanting things to be canon for the validation)...these are all newish features. So pile that on top of 9-1-1 having a longtime single ship that's legitimately threatened for the first time in its existence by a competing canon ship and it's kind of a powderkeg.

No wonder it's caught on fire.

[deluweil]

Buddie 4x14 review - if you haven’t watched it yet don’t read.

The episode starts where we left it, once Buck was on the ground, it seems like he was thrust back into reality. I noticed two things here (connected with 4x13) Eddie didn’t close his eyes until Buck was safe behind the truck on the ground. And the second thing is that Buck was spurred into action the moment Eddie’s eyes closed.

And I mean this was some BAMF Buckley right there, that was SEALS trained Evan Buckley! 😱🤩 It’s like training and instinct kicked in and all that mattered was to get to Eddie and get him help as soon as possible, sniper’s bullets be damned. I gotta say it was executed to perfection❣

Big kudos to both Oliver and Ryan for delivering this whole sequence in a heart-wrenching, beautiful manner.

The shooting doesn’t stop and they get Eddie out of there under fire, I really like the 133 captain and crew, they worked so well with the members of the 118, it seemed effortless. (I’m not touching that subject, but let’s picture Buck lifting Eddie bodily up into his arms and in to the truck for just a second here. - I mean we wanted it but not under these circumstances)

Buck taking the role of medic when finally getting Eddie into the truck, is so amazing, he’s usually the one either in need for treatment or the one who stands back and let’s Hen, Chim and Eddie do the medic stuff, it is their jobs after all, but he doesn’t sit back and let the medics of the 133 to take over, he does it himself. 

He tore Eddie’s uniform’s buttons open (again, that’s not how any of us wished for this to happen), tore the pressure bandage wrap open and pressed it down on the wound, he did not step back from Eddie, until he absolutely has to, at the hospital. 😭

Eddie, my poor baby, was lying on the ground of the truck, bleeding and half conscious and the one thing he focused on was the blood on Buck’s shirt and he asked him if he’s hurt. I mean I could totally cry, because that’s Eddie. Best friend, combat medic, protective and caring, that never goes away even as he’s lying there bleeding. 🥺🥺

Eddie was legit ready to forget his injuries and try to get up and take care of Buck if he was hurt too. He loses consciousness only when Buck assures him that he’s not hurt.

Buck’s frantic litany of “Just hang on, we’re almost there.” and “I need you to hang on” (“I need you”, not we, not Christopher, “I need you”) was really hard to watch, because even though we all read and wrote it in fanfics thousands of times, watching it actually play out was heartbreaking, I totally teared up with Buck there.🥺🥺

For firefighters the job ends at the hospital doors, so Buck naturally, out of instinct stops from following. But that’s Eddie taken away from him and he looks frozen, at that moment he must have thousands of thoughts running around his head.

“You ok Buckley?”

Buck’s broken “No.” was maybe expected, but it was also earth shattering of sorts. This is Buck standing there, knowing (especially after the well incident) that when Eddie is not okay, he’s not either. 😭❤

I want to point out that I loved the fact that the 133 didn’t just drive away or waited outside for the cops, they went in after Eddie. And after trying to check in on Buck, the Captain of the 133 went in too.

I’m going to point out a parallel here between S3 Finale and S4 finale, in 3x18 Eddie asks Buck if he’s ok as his ex-girlfriend was taken in the ambulance with her new fiancé, Buck’s response was “What’s next?” and going back to work. He was okay, because Eddie was with him, and there was still work to be done.

Here in 4x14, Eddie is taken from him to the hospital, and Buck doesn’t know if he’ll live, so Buck’s obvious answer here is ‘No’.

Later we see Buck exiting the hospital, in his firefighter uniform. I’m a little disappointed we don’t see him cleaning up, I know that could have made for a hell of a scene, Oliver would have killed it, and us in my opinion.

Taylor is coming to the hospital, not as a reporter but as a friend. She was worried. I like that side of her, when she knows to put away the reporter and to make sure her friend is in one piece. Her character development is shown beautifully in this scene. 

Buck, in no condition to pretend and speak to the press, turns away from her, he doesn’t trust her at that moment and he doesn’t trust himself not to break down there. He’s teary, still in shock and his hands are shaking like crazy. (in complete contrast to the usual Buck, where he can be in danger or wrap up a crazy rescue and he is normally completely steady.)

Taylor, offered to take Buck to Eddie’s house to see Christopher, telling him he can’t go see Chris looking like he does now. “You can’t got see his son like that.” - At first hear and several others it sounded like “Your son.” - of course it’s not but either way it would have been true too, because in a way Buck has been co-parenting Christopher for a very long time now. And indeed later when Buck gets to Eddie’s house he is washed and dressed in civilian clothes.

The scene with Oli and Gavin killed me! I thought for sure the breaking down will be done in private, but Buck couldn’t hold it together in front of Christopher once he found out Eddie is going to be ok, and Christopher comforting Buck was so so sweet.

Christopher’s “like the ones who fixed you?” Kind of gives us a certain idea as to the conversation Eddie had to have with Christopher when Buck was hurt. His sweet “Then he’s going to be ok,” he says it with such conviction, only adding “right?” only as an afterthought.

And as if he manifested it himself Buck then gets a text from Bobby that tells him that Eddie pulled through surgery and it looks good.

Buck actually dropped the phone from the relief and he started to cry, and sweet, adorable, national treasure Christopher puts an arm around him and tells him that Eddie is going to be okay. I definitely cried with Buck here. It was such a powerful scene and it was portrayed so well by Oliver and Gavin. 

The “it’s going to be okay Buck” was kind of a call back to 3x01 - when Christopher reassures Buck and tells him “You’re going to be okay kid.” - I love these two together so much! ❤❤

When Bobby gives them the talk in the firehouse about how they proceed from there, Buck is standing with his arms crossed, looking completely dejected. And when Hen asks about the safety of their families, Bobby says there's no reason to believe they are in danger, Buck pipes in with “We didn’t have a reason to believe Eddie will get shot helping a kid either.” Buck is traumatized, and worried, he sleeps at Eddie’s house looking after Christopher.

I loved Christopher waking Buck up, and them having cereal breakfast together, a call back to Eddie and Christopher having breakfast together in 2x04. Buck doesn’t sit next to Chris, but across from him - to me it says that the seat between them is usually reserved to Eddie when they’re together at the house.

I love how Christopher’s teasing Buck about him snoring. And Buck is later confused because he’s unsure of whether or not Chris really understands what’s happening, but Carla assures him that he already lost his mother, unfortunately he understands better than he or she thinks. Which again should give people a new appreciation for Christopher’s sunshine child attitude.🥺❤

Carla showing up to take Christopher to school, is showing relief that Buck could finally sleep, which means that he didn’t for at least a couple of nights. She’s also asking him how it feels to go to work, Buck doesn’t even think about the sniper, for him all that matters is that Eddie is not out there with him and it feels off. (call back to 2x18 when Eddie seemed pensive about being back at work but Buck was not with them.)

Carla, bless her, retorts that that is not what she was asking - obviously she meant, she was worried about the sniper, but that is not Buck’s main worry, his head and his heart are somewhere else.

The crane scene was insane! I laughed when Chimney looked to Bobby and asked him “Can you blame him cap?” and Bobby flat out responded “Yeah!” 😂

The rescue was really impressive. However if Eddie ever found out about this he would probably hit Buck over the head with something heavy. It just goes to show that Eddie is Buck’s impulse control and vice-versa.

Bobby and Buck’s interaction wasn’t one of anger, Bobby was terrified and Buck was guilty but unapologetic, because he couldn’t protect Eddie but he could protect the rest of his family, so he did just that. Bobby didn’t have anything to say other than give him the same response Eddie did in Monsters - “Don’t do it again.” - Because for one, in my opinion, Bobby knows where Buck is coming from and also Bobby knows, he knows Eddie is Buck’s impulse control, knows he’s his anchor, he knows that Buck will only be his relatively normal self when Eddie comes back.

I’m not even going to touch the Taylor scene, yes she was worried, and yes she scolded him in a friendly way, but that kiss felt so out of left field for me, especially since Buck was just packing a bag to go stay with Christopher and Eddie was still unconscious at the hospital.

Also she freaking friendzoned him last episode, how fickle do male writers think women are? She gets a little scared and kisses the guy? Lucky they didn’t write in a sex scene! That was an insult to women everywhere in my opinion. It could have been set in so many better opportunities, why now? And if she���s scared now what’s to say that won’t make her leave like Ali did? I have a whole tirade about it but I will let it go for now.

Now I know ya’ll are like - Eddie woke up because his spidey senses told him someone was kissing his Buck (and I do not negate that point lol), but he just woke up and he asked for Buck. I find it so deliriously endearing that I need a moment even as I’m writing this.🤗🤗

I have to point out that there is no scene of Buck, Eddie and she who will not be name together other than the second when Buck walks in (read ran through the hospital corridors) and Eddie has only eyes for his partner. 👀❤

Afterwards it just the two of them, with a brief facetime to Christopher. I love that Eddie thanks Buck for staying with Chris, and Buck pretty much breaks down the logic behind the decision, like a true parent. - Christopher’s comfort came first in Buck’s eyes, and really that just demanded a hug right there.

“Is he doing ok?” 

Buck’s response here, was very honest, a lot more honest than I expected, “better than me.” He said. Buck openly admits to Eddie, “I kinda lost it when I told him you got shot. I’m sorry I should have held it together.” To be honest, I’m very curious as to the ins and outs of Buck and Eddie’s friendship, especially during quarantine, they seem so much closer, a lot more open. More honest than you'd expect two male, straight, lead characters to be with their friends.

Buck would have played it down and shared only the essentials when it’s anybody else. With Eddie he openly saying here, in his own way, ‘I was terrified, and heartbroken, and ‘couldn’t imagine my world without you.’ - ‘I couldn’t function with a clear head.’ - ‘all my masks were shattered.’ 

“You were there for him when I couldn’t be, that’s what matters.” Eddie knows, buck, he understands him better than anyone, he’s telling him here in his own way that it’s okay, and he loves him just the way he is - it was his way to reassure Buck that he was doing just fine.

But Buck’s “Still I think it might have been better for him if I was the one who got shot.” - Eddie looked like he was ready to get up and smack some sense into Buck. 

I want to point out that Buck’s response to Eddie being hurt or in danger is nowhere near the same as his response to anyone else in danger. Case in point in 4x14 is Bobby, he is inside, probably injured, in a fire with a gunman - if it was Eddie, Buck would have waited 0.1 seconds before he disappeared back into the flames to help Eddie. 

With Bobby, he was calm, cool, calculated, he knew what Athena would do because that’s exactly what he would have done if it had been Eddie and he is ready with helpful details and a plan. He wants to go with her, but doesn’t argue when she says no. 

Eddie is Buck’s Bobby, and it reflects all throughout this episode, and I think I had some parallels pointed out in 4x13 too. So I don’t know what scripts Tim reads or if we’re all watching the same show but buddie exists and thriving as far as I’m concerned.

Buck is also the one to pick Eddie up at the hospital - he tells him that the nurse is getting his meds and discharge papers ready, which means that Buck did all that process, he was busy getting Eddie discharged. (Take a moment to soak it in.)😌

Eddie sits Buck down to talk, to be honest this talk went pretty much the way I expected it. 

Eddie explains why he had his will updated, and that Buck is Christopher’s legal guardian if anything happens to Eddie. - I love that after all this time, sweet Buck is still surprised. 

He asks if Eddie didn’t need his consent for this and Eddie’s reply is: “My attorney said you could refuse.”  

I also love, that even shell-shocked, Buck knows that Eddie knows him “You know I wouldn’t.”

And Eddie assures him that he does in fact know Buck, and he knows that Buck loves Christopher as much as Eddie does “I know you wouldn’t.” 

(”I had to do it.” - “Yeah, I know you did.” this was a call back to 4x05 where Eddie understood why Buck did what he did. And knowing what we know now, I can assume that even though Eddie understood and forgave Buck, he didn’t have to like it.)

“No one will ever fight for my son as hard as you.” - call back to 3x03 anyone? 

“There’s no one I trust with my son more than you.” - and Eddie proves it time and again.

And here he is basically giving Buck permission to give hell to his parents or anyone who tries to take Christopher away from His Buck. - And I love it!! 🤗❤

Buck, smart, handsome guy that he is, asks the right question again - “Why are you just telling me now?”

“Because Evan.” That first name that even took Buck by surprise, because Eddie only ever called him Buck, to our knowledge anyway. - Eddie was talking to Evan Buckley, not Buck, and yes they are two separate entities living inside one hunky firefighter. - This is Eddie saying, I know you’re frayed around the edges, I know I’m asking for a lot right now but I need you to hear me.

“You came in here the other day and you said it would have been better if you who were the one who was shot,” and I think for Eddie, who was lying on that firetruck floor bleeding out, and his only concern was that Buck may have been hurt, that was the worst thing Buck could have said. 

“you act like you’re expandable but you’re wrong.” 

Eddie has been where Buck is at that moment, losing his wife, watching his best friend nearly die time and again. - Really at this point Eddie just wants him safe, and if telling him about Christopher is what will do the trick, then he is not above playing dirty.

Eddie is telling Buck, you are my partner, you are Christopher's second parent, I love you, Christopher loves you, I don’t know what I’d do without you. - Because Eddie has been without Buck before and he was completely lost. - And that’s before they became even more intertwined as they are now. 

I love the second before Buck and Eddie enter, Eddie’s house, before Buck opens the door, Eddie looks like he’s steeling himself to get in and Buck has a knowing grin on his face, somewhere between ‘ready?’ and ‘they’re happy you’re back be nice.’ 👀😂

I hated the jump forward, but everyone standing on the roof looking good and Eddie with those sunglasses? wow!! 🥵🤩

This was an all out buddie episode, and I was totally there for it!! I really hope for many more, because these two give me life!!

[raviposting]

Okay so I’ve seen a lot of conflicting responses to Buddie this episode, from it being clear to people that they’re getting together, to thinking the writers have unintentionally messed things up to thinking it’s purely queerbait.

And I get the different responses, I do - tbh I’m somehow in two camps, where I simultaneously believe it’s a slowburn but I also think it’s bait. And those are two very different opinions to have and it got me thinking about why we have these different responses as fans to the possibility of a queer ship (namely two men who would presumably be bi/pan) being canon. 

While people talk about how it’s just people wanting two characters to kiss or entitled fans - sure, that’s existent in every fandom, but I think there’s also a very real fear from queer fans who don’t want to get their hopes up and I d on’t love how the conversation has shifted to calling queer fans stupid for having hope, so I kind of wanted to break it down into 3 aspects that I’ve noticed: 

How writers portray bi characters and why that makes fans hesitant to have hope

What queerbait actually means as a concept

How much “slowburn” has changed in procedurals

1. How writers portray bi characters

Something I’ve thought about a lot are the bi characters I’ve seen on TV - Darryl (CEG), Sara Lance (Arrow), Lucifer (Lucifer), just to name a few. These are great characters imo and I think you’d have a fun time watching but a thing to note is that all these characters were established as bi within the first season of their respective shows and they all fairly quickly fell into a clear romantic ship as well (with the exception of Sara as she spanned multiple shows). It may have taken time for them to say the word bisexual, but it was still clear these characters were queer fairly quickly on. You could maybe argue that Lucifer was a slowburn, but then (while it does not take away from him being bi/pan so do not use this as an excuse to be shitty about him) it’s a m/f ship which is still not the point of my post, to find a m/m or f/f ship that has that same treatment.

Some writers have done it - like for Valencia in CEG, or Petra in JTV - when they saw that fans read them this way, but trying to find those characters were few and far between, and when I looked at popular queerbait ships (whether or not they actually are queerbait) it’s usually ships where the characters are largely viewed as bisexual. A lot of times this also comes with pushback from both straight and to be frank, other queer fans as well. Straight fans don’t always see the signs that queer fans do, so to them a queer character who hasn’t been explicitly clear from the start comes out of nowhere. And what I’ve seen from certain queer fans are concerns that people aren’t appreciating the canon queer characters in a show - and I think there is a conversation to be had about that, but I don’t think the response should also be about then demanding less representation for people either. 

If we go back to 911, people talk a lot about how it has canon queer characters, which it definitely does - Michael, Hen, Josh, Karen, and David are all canonically gay/lesbian and that’s awesome, and we absolutely should talk about fans (white fans in particular) ignoring these characters. It also does not change the fact that none of these characters are bisexual and that is the representation people are looking for. Both of these things are true - these characters are often under appreciated in canon AND people deserve bisexual representation. They don’t contradict each other and to act like one negates the other does a huge disservice.

And even if a character was made bisexual in the canon text we don’t get that slowburn. This may be true for things like Leverage, or LOK, but there’s also a real fact of censorship that affected these shows and the fact that general audiences may not understand the queer text tjat the writers intended. It doesn’t make the writing any less wonderful or the ships any less poignant or beautiful or important, and there’s ofc shows like She Ra that made this more obvious (or the.....mess that was Supernatural that made it. Half true?) but these are still real things that should be acknowledged on why people are so hesitant to call it slowburn - because it’s something most queer fans haven’t SEEN DONE, because m/f ships will get that care for slowburn when it’s done but it’s not done for m/m or f/f ships in that same capacity.

2. What queerbait is

This one’s fun because I don’t think many people understand what it is, but queerbait is very dependent on the intentions of the writers/creators/etc. - which tbh can be hard to gauge, because a genuine intention that ended up not happening or someone baiting fans or someone trying to support all ships and not be rude all have very different intentions but to a fan who only sees bits and pieces of this person on social media, it can be hard to gauge.

Honestly with how much the 4th wall gets broken because of social media now I’d personally say we’ve probably moved into a different definition of queerbait - unintentional vs intentional - because we’re at a point where a show knows what ships are popular and at what level of excitement fans are for it - but that being said, there’s still a clear spectrum of intent. And imo? I don’t think 911 has that intent of queerbait - whether it’s a slowburn or they have a different vision for buddie that I (probably) won’t agree with remains to be seen, but this show usually treats its storylines with care. Are they perfect at it? No, definitely not, I definitely think that they’ve dropped the ball a few times (especially with just how many characters they have lmao), but they also clearly do their storylines with earnest and with genuine care for these characters.

Is 911 getting them together? I want to say yes. I don’t think this was always the plan, just something that they decided along the way, but I also don’t think that changes anything about the ship. A lot of people point to Tim Minear being vague about the ship, or the actors and their interpretations, but 1. We have no idea what they’ve been told about Buddie moving forward and 2. No show runner is going to spoil their show that much. 911 may be keeping quiet because they have a different plan for buddie, sure, but also maybe because they’re still figuring out how exactly they want to do this and/or they want to make this slowburn and don’t want to give it away.

3. Slowburn in procedurals

I feel like this is something that procedurals have started shying away from, but slowburns used to be very common - Bones, Castle, their ships didn’t get together for literal years, but that’s just not something that many shows do nowadays, even for m/f ships. Even things like Deckerstar will have the characters get together after ~3 seasons and explore the relationship onwards, whereas a few years ago, y ou’d pr obably be watching a sh ow and it’d take them 7 seasons to get together. My assumption for this is that shows are afraid  of getting canceled, but there’s been a pretty big shift in getting a couple together after say, 6 seasons to now getting them together about halfway through the show. I don’t think either one is bad or good - in good writers’ hands, either can be amazing - but that shift has made it so that a lot of younger fans in particular, I think, don’t fully recognize slowburn when they see it.

911 as a show tends to run pretty fast - it kind of has to with its depth of characters they have - but when they do have slower running storylines they really do make use of that as well. Bobby’s addiction is something that’s always going to be present in his character, May’s suicide attempt was brought up again front and center after 3 seasons, even Chim’s dynamic with the Lees was brought up again and it was reinforced again that they’re his family. There are certain storylines that have to be continuous and aren’t a one and done type of thing, and that includes Buck and Eddie, especially if you want to establish them as queer to a general audience who doesn’t think about these things.

And honestly, despite my fears, I think they are laying groundwork there. We have Buck learning to be more confident in his relationships, we have Eddie ready to date and learning to follow his own heart, we have Buck and Eddie both establishing that Buck is family and will always be there for Christopher. These are pretty big steps to do for a ship and we’ll obviously have to see how the show goes forward but they’ve already insinuated Eddie and Ana are breaking up, I’m sure Taylor and Buck may last a season and be over, but we do have to see what this next season brings. Do I think they’d say this? No, definitely not.

tl;dr: 

911 is a show with good viewership, but there’s always a possibility they can’t continue with their season and then their promises would feel like a lie. Or they may still be hammering out the details as this season hasn’t been written. Or they may just simply not want to spoil their show,  or they don’t want people criticizing a story before it’s finished, all of these could be reasons. The showrunners, writers, actors, ultimately they owe nothing to us as a fandom to potentially spoil their series, or do something, change it or their schedule for it, and get accused of bait. 

But it also doesn’t change why fans are wary of this storyline either, and I wish people would have more nuance and compassion for fans who are worried about queerbait (whether they think it’s not queerbait and dislike people worrying about it or if they do and are calling people idiots for believing it). There’s a lot of reasons why fans are wary and don’t want to have hope, and it’s not necessarily about 911 specifically as it is a pattern of writing seen in other pieces that have fans worried. These things can all coexist and I wish we as fandom in general could acknowledge that, because pretending that they don’t and criticizing each other/people’s intentions or knowledge when they have certain expectations also doesn’t do much to help.

[kirajw]

‘911′ 4.14 Survivors Review

I needed time to process everything.  Overall, I genuinely loved the finale.  I was surprised by the appearance for Miss Nia, the cutest member of the 118 (tied with Jee Yun, of course). 

Buck’s Trauma

The first five minutes of Eddie’s rescue were some of the most intense and realistic in the show’s history.  Buck’s screaming voice sounds like an angry teddy bear.  I hated how Buck had to pull Eddie under the truck by his injured arm and his screaming.  It was a beautiful mirror of 2.18 when Buck was pinned under the truck.

I’ve seen some people comment how Eddie getting shot was all about Buck.  And it was.  At this point, Eddie’s was lost in a haze of pain and unconsciousness and surgery.  And I think the trauma will sink in later, when he’s at home recovering and more clearheaded.  

Buck shaking after the call, being solely focused on Christopher, and being vulnerable with him was so real and heartbreaking and I appreciated them taking the time to show that.  I do wish Buck or SOMEONE would have railed against gun culture and mass shootings.  They had to coordinate with SWAT just to transport people to the hospital.  It’s pure insanity that we’re essentially held hostage but people with assault rifles.  

Buck also showed that he’d be a great guardian for Christopher.  He kept his schedule the same.  He was honest with him about how Eddie was doing but shielded him from the scary details.  He gave him the space to be upset.  It was a nice throwback to 2.04 seeing Buck and Chris eating cereal before school.  Chris was worried about his dad, but he was joking with Buck too, meaning he felt safe and cared for and knew that Eddie was too.  

“You went Full Buck.”  THAT’S NOT A BAD THING, BOBBY! 

Here’s the thing: Buck is not reckless.  He’s fearless.  He does what’s right no matter the cost or who tells him not to.  Recklessness implies that he doesn’t think things through, but he definitely does.  When he was saving the man trapped on the crane, he didn’t just fly into action, he took the medical bag with him.  He had a treatment plan in mind, and he probably realized that the sniper would have difficulties getting that high that fast in an area filled with secure apartment buildings and office buildings with metal detectors. Him going “FULL BUCK” is a good thing, not a bad thing.  He saved that guy’s arm and life.

Buck and Taylor 

I was fine with Buck and Taylor being friends.  Buck needs non-118 friends.  I wasn’t surprised that she kissed him.  I just wish we saw her being afraid of commitment or falling for someone whose job is as dangerous as Buck’s or shorting out her own issues instead of just making their wild comments/actions and leaving him.   

Buck and Eddie

I don’t need Buck and Eddie to be canon, and I’ve accepted that FOX won’t ever let them be.  I love their brotherhood and how they’ve become family.  I imagine that happens a lot with first-responders.  

Ryan Guzman’s racist nonsense made me want him as far away from Oliver, Aisha and Athena as possible anyway. 

I do love that even from his morphine-induced haze Eddie looked so bothered and PAINED by Buck admitting it would have been better if he’d gotten shot instead.  He’s been unmoored and alone this season, and finding out about Daniel only confirmed that his parents never wanted him, just what he could do.  They even went so far as to show him putting on his bulletproof vest ALONE.  And as a pathologically single person, I totally get how he feels.  Society is built around families.  Single people simply “don’t fit.”  And I’m glad Eddie gave Buck a reason to stop taking such wild risks.  Calculated or not.  “Because EVAN.”  So cute.

Miscellaneous

Athena can’t detain or arrest Buck for the next two rockheaded moves he makes because she went into a burning building to shoot a sniper and save her husband’s life.  And he helped her.

Poor Maddie.  She and Buck deserve some peace and happiness.  I hate that we didn’t get to see them together.  I’m glad she’s getting help, and I hope she gets to a happy place where she can just enjoy her daughter and her family.  I do wish they actually said “Post-partum” or “Post-Natal” Depression in this episode.

Albert becoming a firefighter...meh.  I loved the montage at the end with all the families at the end and Albert’s victory.  I saw it coming when he arrived.  I hope that doesn’t mean he’ll be working at the 118 solely because they separately need more female firefighters.  NOT BOSKO.

[florenceandthemachine]

talk to me about king christopher, intentionally or not, helping his two dads figure out they’re in love with each other 🤗 xoxo

cailee, you beautiful wonderful tropical fish, did you know you had a direct line to my soul with asks like this?

There was a very, very good reason that whenever anyone asked Edmundo Diaz about his son, the first word that he used to describe Chris was ‘smart’.

Chris was a caring boy, a kind boy, a kid who had known loss and grief in his life, more than any child should. He had survived earthquakes, tsunamis, surgeries, death, and that had shaped him into a kid that was incredibly sweet, empathetic, but most of all, smart.

Eddie knew it, of course; he was incredibly proud of his son, of the work he did in school, of the friends he made, of the person that he was growing into. Chris was bright, and he was bubbly, and he was whip quick in a way that Eddie sincerely wished he could be an adult, let alone as a kid—but that wit usually came as a double edged sword.

Because as proud as Eddie was of his son, Chris had a knack of thinking circles around everyone, himself included.

Eddie knew when he was being played for extra video game time, and knew damn well when Chris batted his eyes for a sick day from school, but Eddie figured that was about as far as things went. As far as Eddie was concerned, as long as his grades stayed up and he stayed happy with his friends, a little special treatment wouldn’t hurt.

So it only made sense that when Chris decided to wield his powers for good where his father was concerned, Eddie had no idea what was coming.

“Dad, can we go over to Buck’s house to play some video games tonight?”

Eddie smiled, watching Chris tilt his cell phone to get through whatever game he was playing in the rear view mirror as they made the trek home from Abuela’s. He had to admit, while the best possible thing that had come out of him joining the 118 was the easy friendship that he found with Buck, the easy friendship that Chris and Buck seemed to have made was a close second.

“I dunno buddy, Buck might already have dinner plans. Besides, you know it’s rude for us to invite ourselves over.” Eddie said, catching Chris’ eye in at a stoplight. He was thankful for their friendship, of course, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t feel a little guilty about monopolizing all of Buck’s time when they were both off the clock.  

The look Chris gave him was thoroughly unimpressed as he held up Eddie’s phone, speaking like it was actually paining him to have to explain himself. “Dad, Buck was the one who asked. He says we should bring over pizza!”

...okay, Eddie might have felt bad about being attached to Buck at the hip, but that didn’t mean he was about to deny himself the pleasure when Buck was the one to initiate some time together. And Eddie definitely wasn’t going to say no when he knew that Chris was looking forward to spending time with Buck just as much as Eddie was.

Even if Eddie knew he enjoyed Buck’s company for entirely different reasons.

“Hey, thanks for having us over.” Eddie said softly, once pizza had been devoured, and Buck had his ass thoroughly kicked (With Chris, Buck definitely threw his matches—but with Eddie, well, there was no denying the cry of defeat whenever Eddie skimmed past him into first). “Chris loves spending time with you, you make his night whenever he gets to see you.”

Buck grinned back at him, that easy smile that made Eddie’s heart do things he didn’t care to identify as he shrugged his shoulders. “You know I love spending some time with my Diaz boys. This was definitely one of your better ideas.” he said easily, clearing the table, sliding the pizza box into the fridge.

Eddie opened his mouth to respond, pausing before any words could come out, a curious look crossing his face. He reached around Buck and grabbed two beers, handing one to Buck after he cracked them open. “You mean, thanks for the pizza. This was your idea, after all.”

It was Buck’s turn to look confused, swallowing a mouthful of beer as he pulled his phone out. “No, Eddie, pretty sure you sending me a message that said ‘game night, we’ll bring pizza’ was pretty clear.”  

Eddie blinked as he looked at Buck’s phone—sure enough, the message was there plain as day, and he shot a curious look over to Chris, who was conked out on the couch. Buck followed his gaze, chuckling when he put two and two together, shaking his head. “Hey, go easy on him... after all, it’s not like I had any other plans.”

“Buck...”

“No, I’m serious.” Buck said, his face holding that soft, sweet grin. “After all, it’s... well, I like spending time with you. With, um, both of you I mean.” he murmured over the mouth of his beer bottle, pink raising in his cheeks as Eddie took a swig of his own. He didn’t trust himself to respond and instead linked his ankle with Buck’s beneath the table, trusting the gesture would say enough—and judging by the grin Buck shot him, the message was received loud and clear.

Unseen to either of them, Chris had a small smile on his face, peeking through his lashes as he watched the two from his space on the couch.

--

In retrospect, Buck probably should have asked what all was entailed in Career Day when Chris asked he and Eddie to show up to his school at 9am.

All he had expected was that he and Eddie would get to show the kids some of their tools, some of their gear, and then answer some questions. What he got was a room full of single moms (and dads) that were looking at Eddie like he was good enough to eat.

Which, let’s be real, Eddie was. Especially when he was partially suited up, PPE from the waist down, a 118 tee shirt, and the thick red suspenders to hold everything together. Saying he looked delicious was selling it short, but that didn’t mean Buck liked a room full of strangers being so blatant about it.

It was all he could do to stand back and not cause a scene as yet another mom walked up to Eddie and put her hand on his bicep, laughing at a joke far too loudly, for far too long. The only saving grace was the look that Eddie shot him while she had her head tossed back, rolling his eyes so hard that Buck thought he was going to hurt himself.

As Chris took his turn and made it up to the front of the class, Buck couldn’t deny feeling a little bit self conscious as he stood beside Eddie.

A room full of parents, with their kids, and then Buck.

He wasn’t jealous, okay?

And even if he was—

“This is my Dad, and this is my Buck! They’re firefighters!”

—Chris knocked that feeling out of him, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head as Chris started his presentation. A quick look at Eddie confirmed that he wasn’t the only one who caught the title, and he dipped his head with a little smile, not bothering to hide how pleased he was.

Pleased because he got to be Chris’ Buck. Not pleased because of the disappointed looks that he could see flicker across half of the single parents faces. Nope, that had nothing to do with it, and if it did, it was no secret that Chris was the real source of his joy.

“...they use their trucks and ladders to help keep us safe...”

Chris being an awesome kid was no surprise—Eddie was a great dad, okay?—but Buck still felt lucky that he got to see such a bright kid in his element like this, and even luckier that he got to help out whenever he could. He let his mind wander as Chris continued to speak, treading into dangerous territory. Chris had called him his Buck, so easily, like it was obvious, and for a moment Buck let himself wonder what it would sound like for Eddie to say the same.

“...and they’re super strong, too!”

Chris turned around, looking directly at Eddie, and Buck had to swallow a snort of a laugh as every eye in the room followed him. Eddie, to his credit, tried to save face, nodding his head. “Uh, we... workout every day?” he said, and Chris giggled as he looked over to Buck.

“Dad, you have to show them! Lift Buck up!”

Now it was Buck’s turn to feel every eye swivel over to him, and he was sure his face was bright red in record time. Was this part of the presentation? Did Chris mention this? Buck couldn’t be sure, but honestly, it didn’t exactly sound like something he would have agreed to. He caught Eddie’s eye and shrugged helplessly—after all, Eddie would be the one doing the heavy lifting, it was kind of out of his hands.

After a shared, barely-there nod, Eddie clapped his hands together, turning back to the class. “So, uh, this is called a fireman’s lift. It’s what we do when we have to carry someone out of a burning building, if they can’t walk out on their own. What we do is—“

“Have you ever had to do it before?” A blonde boy asked from the second row, his hand straight up in the air, eyes wide. His father, a corporate manager, didn’t look entirely pleased.

Eddie was all smiles, though, as he nodded and looked over to Buck. “We both have. Our job is to keep people safe, and this is the easiest way to do it.”

The clear hero worship may have helped Eddie become a little more comfortable, but for Buck, the situation didn’t matter—acting as a dead weight was always going to be a little weird. He sighed and opened his arms as Eddie stepped forward, and he was in the air before he could blink. He twisted his body as Eddie lifted so he could still face the class, focusing on Chris’ smile as his world went sideways.

If Buck thought it was awkward before, the dead silence that met him when Eddie spun around with Buck on his shoulders was completely deafening. It was all Buck could do to focus on keeping himself right side up, and not focus on the firm line of Eddie’s shoulders against his side, his strong hands on Buck’s thigh and wrapped around his arm—and thankfully Buck didn’t have long to follow that train of thought before there were twenty kids cheering for them, clapping wildly.

Okay, note to self; if you want to impress a room full of nine year olds, you just had to lift something heavy up.

Buck found himself smiling again, cheeks feeling permanently pink as Eddie brought him back down to the ground, turning to answer a few questions as they were swarmed with tiny bodies. He loved kids, he always had, and he was definitely in his element—but he couldn’t get the thought of Eddie’s hand on his thigh out of his mind.

He wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse when the weight of Eddie’s arm looped around his waist, effectively anchoring him and sending him into another galaxy as Chris’ teacher took a picture of the three of them together.

As Buck leaned into Eddie’s touch, he couldn’t help but look down to Chris, who very much looked like the cat that got the canary—and Buck was content to assume that it was because he obviously had the coolest Career Day presentation.

After all, getting your Dad to deadlift your Buck certainly blew any investment bankers or realty agents out of the water.

--

“You know, if you actually want to watch a movie, you have to press play on the remote.”

“Shove it, Eds.”

His words were snippy, but Buck was all smiles as Eddie joined him in the loft, plate in hand, passing Buck a burger and a huge plate of chips as he crashed on the couch beside him. Buck had been listening to the menu theme of some action DVD that Chim had picked out for the better part of a half hour as he scrolled through his phone, his attention quickly pulled to the food. “What’s wrong, Bobby kick you off the grill again? Made you realize there was more to life than being a meathead?” Buck said with a teasing smile, and Eddie found himself laughing in spite of himself.

“Well, actually, Carla sent me a few pictures of Chris on his class trip to the zoo today, and I was going to show you, but...”

“Hey, no, what? I think it’s awesome that you’re a middle aged grill dad, you look great with that spatula, now show me the pictures!” Buck said, immediately back tracking, his pride an easy thing to swallow whenever Chris being adorable was involved.

Eddie snorted as he handed over his phone, letting Buck swipe through the photos, and if he happened to be looking at Buck more than he was looking at the photos, well that was his own business. Buck, mercifully, was plenty distracted—the sight of Chris and a peacock would do that to anyone, Eddie had already set it as his wallpaper.

“Eddie, your kid is so fucking cute.” Buck said as he looked back up at Eddie, smiling as he tapped at Eddie’s screen, undoubtedly forwarding a few of the images to his own phone. Buck’s phone was only second to Eddie’s when it came to cute pictures of Chris, and if Eddie had more than three brain cells bouncing around in his skull, he probably would have looked a little more deeply into that.

Eddie pulled his phone back as another message came through, eyes flickering over the text message as Buck took a huge bite of the burger Eddie brought him.

“Hey Buck?”

“Mmmphhgghh?”

“Say cheese.”

“Ehh, muhnuie!”

The picture was pretty disgusting, honestly—Buck had a mouth fit to bursting of burger, sauce and ketchup smeared over his cheek, eyes wide as he turned to the camera. “What? Chris wanted to see what we were doing today.” Eddie said innocently, saving the picture to his camera roll before sending it to Carla’s phone.

“Dad I need selfies of you and Buck!”

The message from Carla came through easy enough, though it was clear that Chris had taken over, and Eddie was still laughing at Buck when he read the message aloud. Buck’s scandalized look didn’t go away as he finally swallowed, and Eddie knew he was in trouble the moment Buck reached for his phone, ready for retaliation.

He couldn’t complain when he suddenly had an arm full of Buck, laughing easily as Buck fired up his selfie camera, but his laughter quickly turned into a sound of absolute horror as he felt ketchup against his cheek when Buck smushed their faces together, camera shutter firing rapidly.

“You are disgusting!” Eddie finally got out between laughs, shoving Buck aside, who looked all too pleased with himself as he furiously tapped at Eddie’s phone, undoubtedly sending the pictures to Carla (and probably Maddie, and Abuela, and maybe his own phone too).

He had to admit, when he finally got his phone back and looked over the pictures, he was a little uncomfortable—not because of the content, but because he had never known he was so fucking obvious when he was looking at Buck. He hadn’t understood the term heart eyes until now, and it kicked his anxiety up just a little bit—he needed to work on his subtlety.

Then again, the next time he caught a glimpse of Buck’s phone, he was stunned to see that the picture of the two of them had made Buck’s wallpaper...

...maybe Chris was on to something with the whole selfies idea.

--

“Hey Buck?”

“What’s up, bud?”

They had just finished what Buck would not hesitate to call one of the best nights of his life—Eddie and Chris had shown up with a truck packed full of food, blankets, chairs, and a huge, colorful umbrella. Buck had worried that Chris would be less than thrilled to be near the ocean after the tsunami, but his fears were completely misplaced—Chris took to the beach like a crab, and Buck’s heart felt lighter than it ever had every time he heard Chris’ laughter, getting to the point where he actually deleted a few apps from his phone to take some more photos.

The icing on the cake, though, was Chris insisting that Buck could read him his bedtime story that night. Eddie looked completely betrayed, even as he insisted it was fine.

It was fucking hilarious.

“You love me, right?”

Buck felt his brows raise into his hairline, closing the book as he nudged Chris’ shoulders. “Course I love you, buddy. You’re my favorite little man.” He said softly, the initial spike of concern easing in his heart when he watched Chris break out into a grin. He should have known it was a trap, but Chris was so cute, so unassuming, so—

“And you love Daddy too, right?”

—so damn sneaky.

Buck swallowed once he regained his bearings, nodding his head, glad for the dim light of Chris’ room to hide his blush. “Course I do kiddo. You and your dad are both very important to me.” Which, apparently, was the wrong thing to say, if the scrunch of Chris’ face was anything to go by.

“But you love him too, right? You love me and Daddy?”

Putting the long forgotten book down on the night table beside Chris’ bed, Buck pulled his arm around the kid easily, pressing a kiss to his mess of curly hair. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he opened his mouth to say something, anything, but the only thing that would come out was the truth. “Yeah, I love you and I love your dad too.” he murmured. It was the first time he had ever said that aloud before—and even as he felt his heart race, he felt lighter, to be able to get that off his chest, a secret that had been heavy on his heart for a long time.

“You should tell him that.”

Buck almost swallowed his tongue. Like he could sense his discomfort, Chris looked up, blinking owlishly without his glasses, a small smile on his lips. “It makes me happy when you tell me you love me. I bet it would make Daddy happy too.” he said with a little shrug, and Buck actually surprised himself with a little laugh.

“How did you get so smart, kid?”

Another kiss goodnight and Buck had the door shut behind him, walking on the balls of his feet as he returned to the kitchen, where Eddie was still scrubbing at a dish—and if that wasn’t enough of a red flag, the red tint to his cheeks and the way he shyly looked up at Buck told him all he needed to know. Shy was just not a typical look for Eddie.

“Edmundo Diaz, were you eavesdropping on your sons bedtime story?” Buck asked, his voice light and teasing, even as his face heated up. If Eddie had been listening in, there was no way to tell just how much he had heard, but while the thought usually pushed Buck into a spiral of despair, all he felt now was a strange sense of warmth.

Eddie looked up at him cautiously, chewing his lip. “What? It’s not my fault, I had to make sure the story you picked was up to his standards, and that you... did all the voices, and—“

“I meant it.”  

Wow, fuck, Buck just blurted that out. He felt his jaw clamp shut as Eddie’s gaze snapped to him, Eddie’s eyes as wide as his own.

“Buck...”

“I’m serious, Eddie. I meant it, I... I mean it.” Buck’s feet are moving of his own accord, closing the distance between them until Buck could reach out and touch Eddie if he wanted. Well, if he could get his arms to respond. “You and Chris, you’re the most important people in the world to me, and... and I do, I love you. And I think, I think you love me too.”

Eddie couldn’t think, couldn’t respond, couldn’t do anything other than move forward and pull Buck into his space completely. Their first kiss was a little rough—bumped noses, off center, but even then Eddie could feel fireworks—and when they reconnected, when Buck’s lips met his properly, it was all Eddie could do to remain upright.

He kept his hands around Buck when they pulled back to breathe, their foreheads resting against one another, and Eddie’s cheeks were literally hurting he was smiling so hard. Buck’s little laugh was all Eddie could hear, all he ever wanted to hear for the rest of his life—so he couldn’t be blamed for failing to hear a pair of little feet leaving the kitchen, back through the hallway, or the nearly silent closing of Chris’ bedroom door.

Chris didn’t need to stick around to see the end result—adults were so gross—but he was pleased enough to see that his hard work and careful planning had paid off, knowing that his dad and his Buck would be happier than ever now that they were finally smooching (even if it had taken forever!).

His dads were a little slow on the uptake sometimes, sure, but that was okay.

After all, Chris would be there to give them a little push whenever they needed.

[itwoodbeprefect]

as someone who lived thru mcdanno, what are ur expectations for buddie? (fellow clown here)

fjdkfd god, i do love that question, thank you, but prepare yourself for too many words and perhaps not the answer you want to hear.

first off, i feel like i barely even really lived through mcdanno. i came in around the time season 9 started and caught up midway through, so at that point there had been a full eight and a bit seasons to very clearly set the tone on that show and in steve and danny's relationship, which is queerbait, times ten. i literally never expected anything else, and i fully knew what i was getting into from the get-go. h50 is also a show i'd place politcally either in the center or right of center, often aimed at more of a boomer audience (oh god that episode about the "millenial" vloggers who weren't even millenials HAUNTS me) and with a number of queer characters i could (extremely literally) count on my hands, of which by far most either get a) one single speaking line (if at all), b) killed or c) exposed as a criminal. overall it's not a show that's kind to queer people, is what i'm saying, and it was never very interested in being so.

911 on the other hand... is very similar in some fundamental ways, hence the huge overlap there seems to be in steve/danny people and buck/eddie people, but it's also very different in many other ways. it only has four seasons so far, of which eddie has only been present for three, and the ensemble cast is WAY more an actual ensemble than in h50, which is also supposedly about a kind of found family but is in reality most of the time the steve-and-danny or even the really-just-steve show. mcdanno just gets so much more airtime, both by existing number of seasons and by minutes on screen per episode. the 911 setup is not a bad thing whatsoever (i wish h50 had done more of that! daniel dae kim and grace park DESERVED more of that, jfc) but it does mean that honestly, when i started watching 911 with h50 fresh on my mind and all the comparisons i'd seen on tumblr, i was like, yeah, okay. i see why people might ship it, but compared to mcdanno buddie has barely any setup at all. (i'msorrydon'thateme.)

and this is where i might accidentally be getting controversial, and i'm sorry about that too, because i really don't mean to put a damper on anyone's joy, but while i agree that buck/eddie can be fun to explore as a ship, i just... don't necessarily think it's going to happen on screen? and that's okay. there is absolutely nothing wrong with shipping something that isn't canon and that might never be canon! that's totally cool! the only problem with that is when you start expecting something to happen in canon and you end up getting disappointed if it doesn't, because that hurts and getting hurt is no fun at all, and that's what worries me a little about buddie and 911 fandom. when i look at the tags some people seem... very convinced. and i get that too, because when a whole bunch of people are analyzing a show for hints of a specific ship, it's very easy to get swept up in it and it's a kind of echo chamber in which you all agree that it would be good and make sense and how could this not be what they're planning considering all you're seeing? but i'm just not sure, in this particular case, whether the rest of the audience and the writers are seeing the same thing, and i feel like there's a bit of a buddie hype going on based on what (to me!) in all honesty doesn't seem like that much evidence in canon, which just scares me a bit.

again, certainly not trying to tell anyone they shouldn't be having fun with buck/eddie (you should!!!) or that there's nothing to go by in canon, but just. please be careful with expectations from that canon? if something happens, that's awesome, and if it never does, that's also okay. it doesn't mean you're crazy, but it also doesn't mean the writers or showrunners or god forbid the actors are evil people who have been stringing you along. i get how loaded this can be, especially because there is such a huge history of shows not going for queer relationships purely because of homophobia, and it can be easy to read that into this situation, but this show already HAS a huge number of canonically queer main and recurring characters, who are all awesome and written as actual people with lots of friends and sympathetic storylines and hero moments and i don't think, honestly, that accusing 911 of homophobia or queerbaiting or bad writing for not making the two men fandom has latched onto go canon is going to, well, accomplish anything, except foster bitterness and ruin something for people that they used to enjoy.

all of that being said, and not to fly directly in the face of everything i just said, but... it could happen. i'm not saying it couldn't. coming back to that thing about h50 and queer characters, 911 is very incredibly wildly different in its treatment of its characters, and they DO have queer characters. they have A LOT of queer characters, to the blessed point where "character b can't be queer because character a already is" definitely doesn't apply, which it has many times in the past even if there is someone not straight in the cast of some show. so i mean. maybe! it's possible! 911 is not h50 at all, and that's a very good thing imo because as much as i enjoy mcdanno, h50 is honestly lowkey unwatchable as a show to me sometimes.

so, essentially, my personal expectations for buddie as a romantic thing in canon are not high, but i guess higher than they ever were for mcdanno, because at least buck and eddie are on a show where it's a remote possibility. i think it would be great - a queer slow burn on tv, that would be amazing - but i also think the show and buck and eddie's relationship would still be great if they never did it, and that all the other queer characters they already have probably deserve a lot more attention from fandom if queer rep is really what it's about, because hen and karen and josh and michael and david are all right there, and that's not even getting into lone star with paul and tk and carlos. mostly though i think that i don't want people to get disappointed. nobody ever expected anything to happen in h50, and that gives a kind of freedom of certainy that there isn't in 911, which makes me a little nervous for this fandom and the people in it. not to sound preachy, but be safe, have fun, and make sure that things keep being fun for you, because that's what fandom is about. if they're not, it might be time to take a break, and that's okay - it's normal to get really invested in something you enjoy, but please also put your own enjoyment and comfort first. (and it's still totally okay and can be a lot of fun to ship something that isn't canon.) ❤

[anotherspnfanfic]

Nobody Fights Alone - Part 4

Pairing: Eddie x reader

Word count: 1414

Warnings: cancer, language

A/N: Part 4 of the series! Co-written with @spnirwin! We appreciate all the love and feedback on this so far! If you want to be tagged, let us know.

Series Masterlist

Part 3

—

You pulled into the parking spot next to Eddie’s truck and put your car in park. You grabbed three of the grocery bags from the backseat and headed into the station.

Buck came out from the weight room as you reached the bottom of the stairs. He reached out to take the bags from you but you pulled them away from him. “No, I got these. Can you go get the rest of them from my backseat?”

“Yeah, of course. Eddie is already upstairs.” He took three steps backwards before turning to go retrieve the bags.

You continued up to the kitchen and set the bags on the table. Spotting Eddie sitting on the couch, you walked over to sit beside him. You leaned in to kiss him softly.

“Hi,” he greeted with a smile.

“Hi.” You couldn’t help but laugh.

“How’re you feeling?” he asked.

You rolled your eyes and stood. “For the millionth time, I’m fine!” You walked back over to the kitchen and began pulling out pans and utensils to make lunch.

Buck came up the stairs and set the rest of your groceries on the table. He started pulling everything out and asked, “Do you want any of this cold stuff in the fridge?”

You shook your head. “No—“ A yawn caught you off guard. “No, it’ll all be fine until I’m ready for it.”

Eddie walked over to the island to stand next to Buck. “We told you you should’ve stayed at home to rest. Or at least let Bobby cook and you can just hang out.”

“Oh, my god.” You glared at both of them. “I am fine. I always come and make everyone lunch. There is no reason I can’t still do that for as long as I’m up to it.”

“You just had your second treatment yesterday,” Eddie said.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes for a moment. “Trust me, I’m very aware of that. I’m okay. And if all you are going to do is hover and give me those looks like I’m about to break… then, please, go somewhere else.”

They exchanged looks. Eddie walked around the island and pulled you into a hug. “We’re sorry. You can’t blame us for being a little worried,” he said as he pulled away.

Bobby came up the stairs then and looked at the groceries all over the table. “Y/N, how is it that you are such a good cook and Buck here can barely work a spatula?”

“I taught myself while Evan, here, was busy dating any girl he could.” You smirked as you ruffled your brother's hair.

Bobby laughed. “Well, if you need any help with lunch, let me know.”

“Thanks! I think the only help I need is these two out of my way.”

The bells rang, alerting them to a call. “Your wish is my command,” Bobby joked as they took off towards the trucks.

You got to work, preparing two large pans of lasagna and two pies. As you put the lasagna in the oven, you were hit with a wave of dizziness. You leaned on the counter and closed your eyes as it passed.

About an hour after they had left, the rigs were parked back in their rightful spots. You slid the pies in the oven as the crew made their way back upstairs. “That was a quick one,” you said, walking over to hug Eddie.

Buck looked around the kitchen. “Looks like it was just long enough for you to get everything in the oven.”

You nodded. “You’re right. Now, we can sit around like you wanted.”

You sat on the couch and they started sharing stories. They reminisced about their most ridiculous calls until you were all in tears of laughter.

Eventually, the timer sounded to alert you the lasagna was ready. You pulled one pan out, then the other. You set it on the counter just as you were hit with another, stronger wave of dizziness. You gripped the edge of the counter and waited a moment, hoping it would clear.

It didn’t clear this time and you started to feel nauseous as well. “Umm, Ev-Evan? Eddie—” you stuttered. You turned to see them both rushing toward you. Black spots invaded your vision and you felt one of them catch you when you started to fall.

“No, no, no. Open your eyes, Y/N, please,” was the last thing you heard.

~ General POV ~

Buck and Eddie were sitting in the ER waiting room. It had been just over an hour since she had been brought in.

“How long does it take to find out what’s going on?” Buck asked, wringing his hands together.

Eddie just stared ahead for a moment. He shook his head, “I don’t know. Too long.”

“I can’t lose her, Eddie.” Buck glanced over at his friend.

Eddie broke his stare to look over at Buck. “I know. I can’t either, but we can’t be thinking like we’re going to.”

Just then the doctor came out to find them. They stood quickly, both asking, “Is she okay?”

“She is,” the doctor started. “It was dehydration and exhaustion from pushing herself too hard. We are admitting her for the night to get her rehydrated. Most likely, she will be good to head home tomorrow.”

They both sighed a breath of relief. “Thank you. Can we see her?” Eddie asked what they both wanted to know.

“Yes, they’re moving her up to a room right now. You can see her as soon as they have her settled. It shouldn’t be more than half an hour.”

They both said their ‘thank yous’ as the doctor disappeared behind the same door he’d entered through.

A few minutes later the sliding doors leading outside swooshed as they opened. Neither of them bothered to see who was entering.

“Dad! Buck!” Christopher’s voice rang out.

Both men smiled as they turned to see him heading over.

“Christopher,” Eddie breathed out, as he hugged him. He glanced up to look at Carla.

She smiled sympathetically. “We wanted to be here for you guys.”

Buck stood and pulled Carla into a hug. “It’s good to see you.”

Five minutes later, a nurse came to show them up to Y/N’s room. They both wanted the nurse to walk faster so they could get to her sooner. When they reached the room they were slow to enter, both afraid of what they were about to see.

~ Reader POV ~

You heard the door open slowly. You didn’t bother to open your eyes, assuming it was just another in the long parade of nurses and doctors.

A chair was dragged across the tile before a hand grabbed yours. It was a hand you knew well and you opened your eyes to meet Eddie’s. They were bloodshot and puffy like he had been crying. “You scared the shit out of me,” he said.

You glanced behind him to see Buck in a similar state and nodding his agreement with Eddie.

“I’m sorry.” You squeezed Eddie’s hand. “I swear, I felt fine. Right up until about a minute before I passed out.”

Buck moved another chair around the bed to sit beside you and took your other hand in his. “This is why we asked you to take it easy. I know you want everything to be normal, but it’s not. Your body is fighting a war. You’re going to beat this, I know it. But you have to start taking it easy for a while.”

You nodded as you glanced between them. “Okay, but I’m still coming up for lunch at the 118 regularly.”

Eddie laughed and kissed the back of your hand. “I think that sounds like a plan. They all want to see you, too. Speaking of, you have a couple more visitors. Carla and Christopher are here if you’re up for it.”

You smiled. “Absolutely! A hug from Christopher sounds like just the medicine I need.”

Buck stood. “You stay with her. I’ll go get them.” Christopher came in a minute later with Carla and Buck trailing behind.

“Y/N!” he greeted.

“Hey, kiddo. Can I get a snuggle?” you asked him with your best pout.

“Yes.” He smiled. Eddie picked him up and set him carefully beside you. He wrapped his arms around your neck and squeezed.

“Thanks, buddy.” He cuddled his head against your shoulder and you kept him wrapped in your arms until you drifted off to sleep.

Part 5

Tags: @beth-winchester21 @lovinnholland @ashtonirwin1234567 @jackiehollanderr

[thisissirius]

So from the Soft sentence starter, if you feel like it, “Are we really doing this? Are we really slow-dancing?” (if not, it's perfectly fine)

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND :D

fever pitcheddie/buck, fluff and dancing

Maddie looks beautiful.

Buck doesn’t think she’s stopped smiling all day and he doesn’t blame her. It might be her second wedding but this one is definitely gonna stick, and Buck’s happy for her. She’s currently being whirled around the dance floor by a laughing Jason, and Chim’s getting much the same treatment from Hen. 

Sometimes Buck doesn’t know how he got so lucky. His family’s been growing steadily since he moved to LA and he’ll never be sorry for it. His actual parents are around somewhere, probably networking or whatever the fuck it is they’re doing these days, but Buck’s having too good a time to care. The family he’s made for himself, the ones who spend time with him day to day, who come when he calls?

They’re all on the dance floor or seated around the tables, drinking, laughing, and enjoying the company. Buck’s taking five. He knows Maddie’ll drag him onto the dance floor eventually, insistent that they make memories - something she’s done with the pre-wedding arrangements, the ceremony, and the photos thus far. Buck gets it. Her last wedding was a disaster in every way, and Chimney’s the best thing that’s ever happened to her, but something about Buck’s smile feels fixed and he hates it. 

He wants his happiness to be genuine, and it is, but it’s hard when your own lack of happiness is so glaringly obvious. 

“You being a wallflower?”

Buck raises his eyebrows, gestures at the table bang smack in the middle of four others. “You see a wall?”

Eddie rolls his eyes and drops into the seat next to Buck’s. He looks good - always does if Buck’s being honest with himself, but even more so in his suit. He joked about wearing his dress blues but Chim threatened to ban him from the venue, and Buck’s still silently grateful. He can control himself (barely) when Eddie’s wearing a suit, but having seen Eddie in his dress blues, he’s definitely sure he’d have played hooky. 

Okay, no, because he loves his sister, but the point stands. 

Eddie + uniform = fuck. Literally. 

(Buck wishes). 

“You okay?”

Buck looks down at his drink, not sure how to answer. “Christopher having fun?”

“Yes,” Eddie stresses, “But not the question I asked.”

“I’m fine,” Buck says, and the smile is easy - he’s happy for his sister, after all. Sometimes he forgets that Eddie knows him better than he knows himself. 

“Buck.” Eddie’s expression is soft when Buck meets his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

So many things, Buck thinks, but doesn’t say it. He shrugs, swirls the drink in his glass and looks back at the dancefloor. Chim’s back with Maddie, and she’s staring at him like he’s the best thing she’s ever seen. “I thought she’d never be happy, you know?”

Eddie’s watching him, Buck can feel the weight of his gaze, but he doesn’t look back. 

“After Doug, I wondered what would happen. She was doing well and then fucked things up with that woman. I wanted to help her, but it was bad timing.” Buck makes a face. The last year’s not been kind to the Buckley siblings. “Then she and Chim-”

“You’re happy for her,” Eddie says, and something about his tone sends a shiver down Buck’s spine. 

“Yeah, of course.” Buck sighs, tapping a finger against the table. 

“Buck,” Eddie says eventually when the silence drags. Buck looks up. 

“I’m jealous,” Buck snaps, biting the words out and grateful it’s not one of those embarrassing moments when the music stops. The last thing he wants is for Maddie to know. “She’s happy and I want that for her, I do, but it makes me realize-”

Eddie picks up where he trails off. “That you’re lonely?”

Buck bites back on an affirmative. 

“Come on,” Eddie says, abruptly standing. 

“What?”

“Up,” Eddie says, and Buck allows himself to be tugged to his feet. 

Buck frowns, can see the dance floor over Eddie’s shoulder. There’s a slow song Buck doesn’t recognize playing, and most of the guests have partnered off. The kids are off in a corner, giggling about something, and Buck spots Chris, peering over the crowd to grin. He smiles back, not realizing that he’s on the dancefloor until Eddie’s hand rests on his hip and he’s jerked back to the moment. 

“Eddie,” he starts. 

“Go with it, Buck,” Eddie says. 

There’s little Buck will refuse Eddie and he rolls his eyes but lets Eddie lead. “Are we really doing this? Are we really slow dancing?”

“Shut up, Evan.” The words are softer than the meaning implies, and Buck’s mouth does shut. He stares at Eddie, hyperfocused on the hand on his waist, the other pressed to the back of Buck’s neck. “Just go with it, all right?”

“Eddie,” Buck says, a little hysterically. This is much too close to things he’s dreamed of in the privacy of his own home. “What-”

“I keep waiting for you to catch up,” Eddie says quietly. He strokes his fingers down the nape of Buck’s neck, then up into his hair. It’s soothing, sending pleasurable shivers through Buck’s body. “Thought maybe you weren’t interested until I realized you were just really good at self-sabotage.”

Buck frowns. “What are you talking about?”

Eddie’s smile is warm, and something unclenches in Buck. He swallows as Eddie leans in. “You wanna relax for me?”

There’s a voice whispering in the back of Buck’s head that he should probably find this irritating, but he doesn’t. He tries to do what Eddie’s asked and blows out a slow breath, leaning into Eddie’s touch. 

“There you go,” Eddie says quietly, as Buck leans in, rests his forehead on Eddie’s shoulder. There isn’t the hugest difference in height between them, but enough that it could be awkward after a while. Buck doesn’t care, not when Eddie’s hand scratches lightly at his scalp, mouth whispering gently against his ear. “You can’t mess this up, Evan. Not with me.”

Buck’s breath hitches. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

They’re still moving across the dance floor; Buck’s peripherally aware of people around them, of the music crooning over the odd silence in the hall, of Eddie’s body pressed against him. He’s desperately wanted for so long, he’s probably just tired of fighting. 

Eddie laughs gently, kissing Buck’s jaw gently. “I’m a sure thing, Buckley. Let yourself be happy.”

Buck pulls back, startled. “Eddie, I-”

“Hey,” Eddie says, and Buck wants to be able to finish a sentence sometime soon, but he waits anyway. Eddie presses a thumb to Buck’s bottom lip, his eyes darkening a little as if he’s contemplating what it would be like to press something else to Buck’s lips. Please, Buck wants to say. “You love me.”

Statement, not question. 

Panic blossoms in Buck’s chest but Eddie’s grip tightens and he can’t run, can’t make himself run. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Eddie shakes Buck a little, smiles so wide it’s gotta hurt. “Buck, I love you. How could you not already know that?”

Self-sabotage, Buck thinks, and then oh. 

“I’m lonely,” Buck starts, pressing his forehead to Eddie’s. Eddie’s hand moves to his cheek, the other still tight on his hip. “Except when I’m with you and Chris.”

“I know,” Eddie says quietly. “You think it’s not the same for me?”

“I’ll mess it up.” Buck’s throat is so thick the words almost don’t come. “Eddie, I can’t-”

Eddie pauses, waits, but Buck doesn’t know what else to say. “You haven’t so far.”

“It’s different,” Buck says, brow furrowing.

Eddie raises his eyebrows. “Why? You co-parent my kid, you stay over more nights than you don’t, and except for sexual contact,” something so clinical shouldn’t sound so sexy when pitched that low, “we’re more intimate than some of the couples I know.” Eddie presses forward, though Buck doesn’t think there’s much space left. Another slow song follows the first, and Buck isn’t sure if he’s grateful or desperate to run. “All you have to do is jump.”

Buck opens his mouth, closes it. He sways to the music, follows Eddie for a bit, and then lifts his own hand to Eddie’s face. It’s shaking, and he’s afraid this is a dream. Eddie’s real under his hands. Really touching him, really looking at him like that, really saying those words. “You’ll catch me.”

It’s not a question, but Eddie answers him anyway. “Don’t I always?”

[lilywoood]

You’ve got a Mail 1/?

Hi guys I’m back from my little hiatus, I want to thank you for bearing with me, for your support all along that painful time of my life, I want to thank you for all the love you gave to my family and I, most of all I want to thank you for your patience so here it is my new project, my ideal crossover, here is the surprise I was preparing hoping that you’ll come to like it and that you’ll want to embark in this new journey. ♥️♥️♥️

If you like it and want to be tagged in futur part hit my askbox ♥️♥️.

Tag list : @felicitous-one, @translucent-bisexual @cherishingstydia @diazbuckleysworld @chrrlees @justsmilestuffhappens @comablog2 @hardychick89

Word count : 1543

Song : When the party’s over - Billy Eilish

“Hello my name is Evan “Buck” Buckley, I’m a 28 Virgo firefighter in LA and I recently was diagnosed with severe PTSD”

Buck sighed looking at his computer screen, like every nights for the past three weeks he was writing and deleting the same message, battling with himself about wether he should post it or not, wondering if it would really help, if they were really people out there who could understand him, support him, comfort him... and just like every nights he resigned himself, he deleted the message, closed his laptop and went straight to his fridge shoulder slumped and a tired chuckle escaping his lips, he knew better than hoping, hope was for dreamers, for idealists, for the old Buck, not for the new him, the adult Buck, Buck 2.5.

Throwing a quick glance at the clock above the fridge he noticed how it was a little close to 2a.m, he knew he should probably get back to sleep, try to get some rest so that he would be fully efficient, so that he wouldn’t give his team another reason to criticize him, another reason to blame him if something were to go wrong.

It was an impossible task, sleeping didn’t mean rest anymore, sleeping was akin to torture for Buck, sleeping meant reliving the bombing, it meant that his left leg will start to ache, would get numb, it meant he would start to feel the heaviness of the truck, that his ears would start to buzz, that his breathing would get harder because the aches were clogging his lungs, and then water would replace the aches, then he’ll hear himself scream Christopher’s name but Christopher never called back, he was never saved...

His eyes kept on going from his couch to the six pack in the fridge, he was tempted to drink it all, tempted to down it until he passed out, after all passing out was not far from sleeping except that they won’t be nightmares, flashes, screams, passing out meant a dreamless sleep and that what he needed, what he yearned...

He wasn’t thrilled to get to work that morning, his head was pounding thanks to a raging headache and his muscles were sore due to the accumulation of sleepless nights....

He tiredly went through his morning routine, first a little run around his block, then a quick shower followed by breakfast and swallowing all the pills his therapist prescribed, final with little to no motivation got ready for work, already knowing what was awaiting him at the firehouse, knowing that they were going to make assumptions of how bad he looked...

He knew he looked like shit he felt like it too, that didn’t meant it was okay for people to remind him how bad it was, still he could already hear them, hear the critics, the whispers, could feel the glares...

He didn’t want to go, didn’t want to face them but he had to, he had to prove them he deserved his place, prove them he was right, show them he wasn’t a petulant kid, he was a fighter, a survivor, a warrior.

It’s been two months since he’s been reinstated, two months since he was ostracized, two months of nasty comments, two months of cold shoulders, two months of isolation, two months of loneliness.

If he was his old self he would have been gutted by it, he would have tried to win them back, would have been crawling at their feet begging for forgiveness , but he wasn’t Buck 2.0 anymore, gone was his childlike naivety, gone was his tendency to forgive and forget, he was like them now, an adult, a grown up forged by deception and betrayal, set on fighting for what was right, for what he deserved, he wasn’t going to beg, wasn’t going to forgive, he was fighting now, proving himself and not letting any of them makes him doubt his decisions, his choices they could either accept it or get lost.

He was always the first to get to the station, it was a decision he’d made three days after his reinstatement, after he overheard some of his teammates protest over his comeback, after he heard Chim and Eddie joke about how he wouldn’t make it till the end of the shift, after he heard them bet on what his next injury would be and if this time he would finally understand that he wasn’t meant to be a firefighter.

He never felt as betrayed and hurt as that day, never felt so much hate, bitterness and resentment for people he loved, admired, cherished, it wasn’t their comments, their glares and badmouthing that made him detest them, it was how they turned his love and respect for them into animosity, loathing, venom.

He was well entranced in reorganizing the inventory when he heard them, the taunting sound of their laughers.

He felt a shiver run down his spine, he felt his heart clenching in his chest, he felt stupid and ridiculous, it was pathetic how much he missed and loathed them.

It was close to lunch break when Hen joined him in the room, he was recounting the numbers of gauzes when she taped him on his shoulder making him jump back .

-Hey Buck, she smiled taking place next to him, didn’t saw you up here, she mentioned.

-Yeah, he shrugged, I didn’t, he stammered, I didn’t really felt like eating today, he chuckled still focused on his counting.

-You know avoiding us....avoiding them, she frowned, it won’t fix things, she offered

-I heard them, Buck whispered facing her, I heard them joke about how I wasn’t fit for this job, he snorted, how I was a walking disaster.

-Oh Buck, she gasped, I’m sure they didn’t...

-They meant it Hen, he cut, they meant every damn words, he growled stopping himself when he noticed her flinching, sorry, he croaked, god I’m such a mess, he mumbled kneeling down.

-Hey no no, she interrupted him, no need, to apologize, she reassured him, Buckaroo, she called softly, I’m not mad at you, she grinned.

-I’m just... it’s just I’m cranky cause I didn’t sleep well, he croaked, sorry I took it on you.

-You’re still having nightmares , she remarked sadly.

-I’m kinda used to them now, he tried to joke.

-Did you told someone about it, she frowned.

He nodded his eyes fixed on some stain on the floor, Hen bumped their shoulders accepting his sudden silence.

-I go to therapy twice a week, he whispered, I have a treatment, he pursued, but sometimes even the strongest medications can’t keep the brain from remembering, he admitted.

-I take that therapy doesn’t help, she stated.

-It help more than I though, he objected, it’s just sometimes I’d like to talk about it with someone that could relate to me.

-Someone with who you could share it without feeling analyzed, she nodded in understanding, did you told this to your therapist, she asked.

-Yes, he chucked, she, he cleared his throat, actually she...she tried to get me to join some sort of online therapy group, he frowned, for people with PTSD.

-And that’s not your thing, she guessed, Buck shrugged not knowing how to explain himself, is it the internet thing or the fact that it’s with people you don’t know, she pursued.

-I assumed that if I needed to talk about it, you guys would have my back, he wheezed, but then it all went wrong, he sniffed, and the only person that could understand me, the only person I could talk with now hates my gut, he gasped, so tell me how can I rely on strangers when my own friends turned their back on me, he smiled tears rolling down his cheeks.

-I’m not turning my back on you, Hen declared hugging him tightly, you have me and Karen if you need, she offered, but Buck, she added, maybe you should give that online thing a shot until things get better here, she offered before the alarm went off forcing her to leave him behind.

The rest of his day went smoothly, the 118 spend their shift having calls after calls, meaning that he never had to cone across one of them much to his relief, still Hen words have been playing in his head all day, that’s how he found himself glaring at his computer screen once he got home.

He was reading over and over the message he was about to post, trying to come up with an excuse, with anything that could make him delete it once more, but when he closed his eyes to think about it all he could see were the flashes, the memories, the reminders, he needed help, he needed friends and support and if his surrogate family couldn’t give it to him then maybe he could find it in the comfort of strangers.

So with trembling fingers and an over beating heart he clicked send, he took the leap and was rewarded mere seconds later with a new message less shorter than his, and a bit warmer, he took it as a sign that his wish, his prayer has finally been heard.

“Hi Buck my name is Tyler Kennedy “TK” Strand, I’m a 26 Scorpio firefighter in Austin, I’m also struggling with PTSD among other things, so if you ever wanna chat don’t hesitate”

[inawickedlittletown]

Eddie Begins - Some Thoughts

I’m putting his under a cut because spoilers. Also because fair warning it’s over 3k long. I clearly had a lot of feelings. 

Pretty much from the moment that we knew we were getting an Eddie Begins, anticipation has been high and boy did this episode deliver. The episode opens with Christopher’s birth and Eddie is present for it and his emotions are all over the place and so well displayed. I loved the moment when the doctor asks him if he wants to cut the cord and he says no and Shannon just roasts him right there and then “you’re an army medic, but this makes you squeamish?”. The scene does a lot to establish Shannon and Eddie and Eddie is just precious when he gets called “dad” — “I like the sound of that.” 

One thing that we don’t get in the middle of all of this is the birth complications? Nothing about the scene suggest that there were any complications. Christopher is delivered, the doctor tells the new parents that it’s a boy and they have the moment about the umbilical cord. But we were told previously that Christopher was stuck and that his CP might have been a result of the birth complications. So it was interesting that we didn’t get to see that. 

Next we see them post-birth in a hospital room with Eddie’s parents and we get a very interesting tidbit: Eddie’s dad was not present at either Eddie or his sisters’ births. And later in the episode, we also learn that Eddie’s dad wasn’t around much — because he was working — when Eddie was little. It’s an interesting parallel and in some ways this may even go as far as to make commentary on gender roles and how both Eddie’s mother and Shannon were primary caretakers of their children and expected to do so. It even might explain why Eddie felt like he needed to support his family by working rather than by being present. 

When Shannon’s mom arrives, Eddie runs over to hug her. His parents are warm and welcoming, and Shannon is surprised but pleased and they talk about her clean bill of health and everything seems nice and happy but the set up for angst is happening because we know Shannon’s mom will get sick again and we also know that Eddie and Shannon are not going to be happy. The whole atmosphere of the room changes the moment that Eddie is asked how long he’s staying for and Shannon isn’t happy when she says that he’s only there for another week. What new mother would be happy with the prospect of her husband leaving so soon after they had a baby? But Eddie points out that the sooner he goes the sooner he returns and then returns for good. That obviously doesn’t end up working out because as we see later when Eddie is finally back, things don’t go well. 

Shannon gives Eddie the necklace with the St. Christopher charm and explains what it is and Eddie vows to come back and be with his family and as the scene ends Eddie says this: 

“No matter what happens, I’m always going to fight to come home to my family.” 

This of course is when we get that flash forward to later in the episode when Eddie is calling on the radio that he’s alive and yet no one can hear him. It is the perfect transition into the future. The writers have done such an amazing thing in creating this episode and framing it around Eddie’s past in a way that truly gives us so much information about Eddie and yet connects us to the story at present. The placements of the flashbacks just hit so strongly. 

That said, I want to write about the past on its own first.  

The next time that we see a flashback it is 2015 and Eddie has reenlisted in the Army. Christopher was born in 2011, so that puts Christopher at around 4 years old and from the way that this scene plays out it’s also clear that Eddie wasn’t home long before he decided to take on another tour of duty. (Edited to add: apparently Tim says this scene was supposed to be in 2013 which still doesn’t make a lot of sense other than how young Christopher looks)

What we do know is that Eddie was not around when Christopher was diagnosed with CP and that he doesn’t understand it necessarily past knowing that his son is “sick” and that all of what comes with that is costly. We also find out during this argument that Eddie enlisted in the army after Shannon found out she was pregnant in the first place — that was his response to her pregnancy. So he wasn’t around for her from day one. 

Eddie is clearly of the mind that in order to take care of his family, he must be the breadwinner and that he must support them by working and bringing in money. He needs to provide for his family. While I think that absolutely plays a part in his decision to re-enlist, Eddie also doesn’t communicate any of that with Shannon. He doesn’t listen to anything that Shannon has to say and just does what he thinks is best without consulting her and it’s a little bit heartbreaking. Shannon is also looking for other solutions. She hasn’t been working because she’s taking care of Chris and yet she offers to sell the house, the cars, and to start working but to Eddie that’s not putting Christopher first. And this disparity between them is the argument that will never end — Eddie deciding things without consulting his wife and not understanding that Shannon needed him around and that Christopher needed him around. 

Shannon makes a point of telling Eddie that he’s made all the choices even while saying that he has no choice. We know because Eddie and Buck have spoken about it, that Eddie did feel like he was running away when things got hard with Christopher and Shannon and it is hard to watch it actually happen. When he goes to pick up Christopher, it is awkward and unsure and Christopher clearly doesn’t even know him and that just cuts so deep because we know the kind of relationship that Eddie has with Christopher in the present. 

Next time we are in a flashback it is still 2015 (I actually 100% think they screwed up with the year though going off of how 3 months after this incident when Eddie is home Christopher is said to be 6 years old so it would be 2017...except that the last flashback we get tells us it’s 2017 so who knows). Christopher looks older through the video chat and we also learn that Shannon’s mom is sick again. And this whole sequence is all about how Eddie earned his medal and we get to see him in action. But this gives us this beautiful moment to parallel with the present where Eddie is looking at the St. Christopher medal and at a picture of Christopher and it just seems like he’s sure he’s going to die and in that moment he’s thinking back to his argument with Shannon and I think it’s a moment of realization for Eddie for how much he has missed out on knowing his son because as much as he may love him, he also isn’t there for him. As an aside I want to add that back in S2 Christopher says that he wished for Eddie to come home for Christmas one year and that Eddie did. So Christopher knows all about Eddie either from Shannon or from Eddie’s parents — but he knows all about his dad even at a young age. Enough to miss him and want him home and to love him just like any child loves their parents and it’s also something that Eddie probably doesn’t realize until much later on when he does get to be around Christopher and be his dad at last. 

Eddie is injured and he gets his Silver Star and he doesn’t feel particularly deserving or heroic about any of it, but the next time we see him three months later he’s back home in Texas and the whole family is there — at least his parents, Pepa, and his Abuela are around and it’s clear that they’ve come out to Texas to see Eddie and because they’re celebrating his medal. 

Eddie brings out juice for Christopher in a cup with ice and his mom immediately tells him off and while yes it’s true that Eddie may have done something wrong, his mom is also very quick to judge him and his lack of parenting skills. And what’s interesting about this moment is that when he mentions it to Shannon she has clearly been dealing with Eddie’s mom for years and likely getting the same treatment. This would have been the perfect moment for them to bond over that. 

Shannon jumps into asking Eddie about going to California and the thing about the way she asks is a little bit obnoxious. In S2 Shannon and Eddie argue and Shannon says something along the lines of “you didn’t want to leave your family in Texas” and it is implied that Eddie thought he couldn’t leave the support system of his family in Texas. As we come to find out here, she meant that he literally would not leave the family that had flown in to see him on a whim just because Shannon wanted to pack up and take off the next day. 

Shannon lights up at the idea and doesn’t try to understand why Eddie is so against it. She’s just ready to go and we know this is about her mom and that she’s been waiting for Eddie to be home for a long time, but I think she was pushing in a way that was always going to result in Eddie saying no. And what Eddie asks for is more time, but Shannon is done and can’t give him any more time. 

“I needed more time too” is all her note reads after she leaves them. 

Shannon’s feelings and actions are absolutely valid and I think she needed to leave him, but she’s also wrong in doing it the way she did instead of giving Eddie the ultimatum of: “I’m leaving. That’s that. Figure out what you want.” I’m not sure how Eddie would have taken that, but it would have gives us a different perspective of her leaving. Another point to make is that it is one thing for Shannon to abandon Eddie and another to abandon Christopher and leave him behind because she could have taken him with her. She’s his mother and she left him and Eddie is justified in being upset about that. 

The next flashback places us in 2017 and Eddie is talking with his parents who are adamant about having Christopher move in with them because Eddie has three jobs and isn’t around often enough and because they have been the only constant in Christopher’s life — not Eddie and not Shannon. Eddie actually defends Shannon leaving even though he’s also angry at her. I think her mom is 100% justified in blaming Shannon for leaving her son, but it’s interesting that Eddie sees it as Shannon leaving him specifically and not necessarily Christopher. I also find it interesting that Eddie is applying to be a firefighter at this time and that he isn’t doing so in Texas — unless the FD in Texas rejected him? — but he mentions Chicago and LA and obviously we know he goes to LA but I don’t buy it that he decided on LA because of Shannon. I think it’s in part to do with Abuela and Pepa being there and that Eddie isn’t all that sure about finding Shannon. After all, we know that he doesn’t reach out to her at all until he needs to for Christopher’s school. 

I find it fascinating how Eddie’s parents offer him little to no encouragement about stepping up and being a good dad. They acknowledge that Eddie loves Christopher, but then in the same breath point out how Eddie doesn’t know Christopher and how Eddie is inadequate as a father especially if he’s going to be working as a firefighter. It just in some ways drives home for me how much Eddie’s view on life has been shaped by these two people that didn’t truly believe in him and that clearly value the family unit and the idea of the nurturing mother and all of those things are still so present in him later on. 

And then we get the most beautiful scene in this entire episode and it is Christopher sitting outside on his own because that kid can do whatever he wants and Eddie finds him and sits with him and they have this beautiful moment during which Eddie decides to ask Christopher what he wants and Christopher wants to be with his dad — “I missed you all the time” Christopher says and Eddie could never leave this boy ever again. And I think when they start talking about leaving that Eddie is entirely conscious of the fact that he’s going to do it against his parents’ wishes and I just love the way that he holds Christopher in that moment. It’s just precious and perfect and I love it so so much. 

In the present time we have Christopher and Carla stop by the station because apparently it’s show and tell at school later in the week and Christopher is Christopher so of course he’s been searching through his dad’s stuff and he wants to take Eddie’s medal in. But before that we get a nice sequence about working radios and the look that Eddie and Bobby share when Buck fails at using his radio is so full of fond and “why do we deal with him again?” and it is perfect. 

Christopher of course gets his way because he’s Christopher and both Carla and Buck are there just watching Eddie give in like they both clearly knew he would. Also, it’s interesting to note that Buck doesn’t seem to know the story of how Eddie got his medal. Then the 118 are out on a call. A boy is missing. Eddie figures out where he is — in an abandoned well — and then when it is time for one of them to propel down to get the boy, it is Eddie going down and he sounds a little like Buck when he tells Bobby that he’s the one going down there. And the audience is preparing for angst. And because this is 9-1-1, it is the perfect time for the weather to just get worse and worse. 

Eddie pulls a Buck and cuts the line when he almost has Hayden and his thirty minutes are up and it is both a moment of complete trust from Eddie that the rest of the 118 will get him out of there and stupidity. And yet it just makes so much sense for him to do that when he almost had Hayden and when Eddie is sure that if he doesn’t get Hayden in that moment that the kid will likely drown. 

This is the first instance of Buck panicking a little when he says “I lost the weight” and he’s confused and doesn’t want to admit what he already likely knows — that somehow Eddie is no longer attached. They all look so devastated. 

The next thing that happens is one of my favorite things. Bobby immediately tells Chim he’s going down but Buck is ready to volunteer because of course he wants to go after Eddie so that he can save him. Hen points out how horrible that idea is because Buck is just as stupid as Eddie and then the two of them would be stuck down there. 

In the end, Chim goes down and he finds Hayden and Eddie and Hayden is pulled up to safety while Eddie waits. This is exactly the moment when things go wrong again. Lightning strikes and Buck tackles Bobby and there’s an explosion and the truck falls and things underground are even worse than before. 

Eddie is thrown about down below, but Buck is the one having a breakdown because as soon as he realizes that Eddie is in trouble, Buck throws himself to the ground where the hole was drilled and he is digging through the mud as if somehow that can get him to Eddie. Buck is desperate and devastated and his logic is all but gone as he yells and yells Eddie’s name in exactly the same way that he yelled for Christopher during the tsunami. It is absolutely heart wrenching. 

Buck’s reaction here is not normal for a co-worker or for a friend. It is the reaction of someone that loves without any doubt — it is the reaction of someone that knows they could be losing someone especially dear to them. It is absolutely true that Buck and Eddie are best friends and that they are close, but this connection that they have between them just transcends that. It is more than that. As much as we know the others love Eddie, they don’t react this way. They don’t let their emotion overtake them in the same way that Buck does — Buck who doesn’t lose his composure in this way when he needs to be a professional does for Eddie. And it’s a beautiful thing whether we look at this romantically or platonically, either way what is evident is that Buck loves Eddie. 

When Bobby goes to Buck, there is no quelling the desperation and it is as Buck realizes that he can’t do anything that he falls back onto Bobby and it is such a heartbreaking expression that it is difficult to not read more into what Buck may feel for Eddie. 

The next thing we see is Buck cleaning his hands. He’s desperate to go back out there and find a way to rescue Eddie but no one knows quite what to do and there’s a moment when he, Hen, Chim, and Bobby are standing outside the house where it is very clear that everyone is thinking about the odds and the likelihood that Eddie is already gone and for Buck that is not an option — it’s not something he even considers entertaining. There’s a beauty to his devotion and yet so much hurt too. The others are of course not going to give up either, but they are less convinced of a good outcome. 

Eddie meanwhile is stuck down there and now he’s in water and his oxygen eventually runs out and he’s basically on his last breath and in that moment where everything seems lost we hear a voiceover: “Woah, you got a kid,” it’s Buck. 

It’s a flashback montage and the first thing that comes to Eddie’s mind is the moment when he tells Buck about Christopher. Yes, this is literally the first instance on the show where Christopher is brought up, but that didn’t mean that it needed to also be the first thing that starts up this flashback montage especially since the rest of the montage is out of order. Buck shows up a lot throughout all of it and the logical aspect to this is that Buck is just always around when Christopher is, but they made a conscious choice as to what would be shown and I think that does speak volumes about Buck being a part of the family. I’d love to see someone figure out if they even left out any of the moments that feature Buck with Chris and Eddie. The montage is shown while Carry You by Ruelle ft. Fleurie plays which is such a fitting song. (And I will forever give props to the person in charge of music for 9-1-1 because they always know how to pick the perfect song for every moment). We hear Eddie call the 118 his family in a small voice clip from an earlier episode and then a repetition of: “I’m always going to fight to come home to my family.” And it is Eddie fighting to get out of that water and live for Christopher.. Oh, the feels. 

Meanwhile, the 118 is figuring out how to find and rescue Eddie and Buck looks like his whole world has fallen apart. He looks so close to falling apart again because by this point he must believe that they won’t find Eddie. And Eddie makes his dramatic entrance and he just pushes past some other firefighters and no one tries to grab him or stop him. Buck loses not a second to run to his side even though there are a bunch of other people around. Bobby is right there next to him and the shock that Bobby displays and the way he says Eddie’s name in that moment also says so much about Bobby being sure that Eddie was long gone. 

The way that Buck holds Eddie up and actually grasps his hand is a thing of beauty. And Hen is there right behind him telling Eddie they will get him home and Eddie is still thinking about his son and the importance of making that show and tell and being there for Christopher which is what we flash to in the next moment and once more we are hit with how much Eddie treasures his son, his good luck charm. 

This episode was a lot of what I wanted from an Eddie Begins. It gives us a deeper understanding of Eddie, filling in all the gaps that we could only guess at before and giving us a fuller picture of what Eddie and Christopher’s journey has been. Mixed in with that was a rescue that in some ways fit in with the flashbacks and I am so glad that we got this. And yet I also do have to say that more could have been done in terms of showing Eddie’s growth as more than just a parent because at the end of the day the episode ends up being more about Eddie becoming a father and embracing that rather than about Eddie changing and growing in other ways. 

--

Other Meta/Reviews

[marvel-medigeek-fics]

Tape My Heart

Relationships that form in the athletic training room are not allowed. Buck knows that. Eddie knows that. Everybody knows that. But it happens. 

—

Buck and Eddie spend a lot of time in the same room. Doing the same thing. They know the rules. So they stick to doing their jobs. Taping ankles. Listening to the griefs of their athletes. Watching the games. Looking in on practices. There’s times when there’s no one in the athletic training room for treatments, no games to preside over, and Eddie and Buck are alone. They fix the shelves, clean obsessively, but most of the time: they talk. They talk about Christopher, memories, and their athletes.

After the third double header of the week and the twelve thousandth wipe down of the week, the work is finally done.

“Finally!” Buck sighs in relief.

“Can we agree that the ad needs to stop scheduling 3 home double headers on the same week? Especially 2 weeks before finals.” Eddie replies, stacking the rolls of prewrap back in the cabinet.

“We’ll have to take it up with her.” Buck chuckles to himself, wiping down the table. Again.

“How many times are you going to wipe down that table?”

“Can never be too clean. A lot of people sweat on these cesspools.”

“No kidding. Hand me a towel.” Eddie grabs another bottle of cleaner and sprays down the whirlpool.

“It’s 11pm and we’re cleaning. What is up with that?” Buck says, continuing to clean.

“It’s part of the job. Besides, it’s therapeutic.”

“Way better than fighting people, I suppose.”

“I thought we weren’t talking about that.”

Buck just laughs, and cleans the same spot he was cleaning 5 minutes ago. He doesn’t want to leave, so he will make these tables pristine. He enjoys the alone time with his best friend, as bars and things outside of work don’t happen very often. The athletic training room is the place where they spend the most time, as such, it’s the place where friendships are made.

—

The rules of the AT room are simple: no complaining, no foul language, and nothing but professionalism. The head trainer is strict, and everyone knows to follow the rules. Some people don’t, of course, but they got taken care of real quick. Buck and Eddie both know, if they want to keep their jobs, they can’t be anything more than friends.

There was a few incidents that landed them with warnings. Buck with a few of the swimmers, and Eddie with, well, no one, except half the student body flirting with him. He never flirts back. He could have anyone he wanted, and he tells himself he never went for it because he loves his job and hates paperwork. But truthfully, there was something else that kept him holding back. 

He looked over at Buck, who was taping the shoulder of a tennis player. His enthusiasm is infectious, and he eminates what loving your job looks like. There’s no question that he loves his job. And he loves his athletes. Eddie isn’t like that. He cares, yes, but he isn’t like Buck. Sometimes he wishes he could be more like him, unabashedly loving to anyone around him. 

After he finishes taping, Buck looks over at Eddie, who is watching a sprinter on the zero gravity treadmill. He is so concientious and serious. Nothing gets past him. Sometimes, Buck wishes he was more like that. Buck’s always been light and breezy, and never been the one to pay attention to the little things. Maybe it’s why the two are always assigned to the same sports. They work well together. Buck has the big picture covered and Eddie covers the details. Where Buck has the empathy, there’s Eddie with the more serious things. 

--

“Week two of double headers.” Buck sighs, breathing in the stillness and the silence of the empty room before the chaos begins. Softball on Monday, baseball on Tuesday and a tennis tourney on Friday. Plus all of the regular practices. Buck thrives on the chaos, however, he still likes the silence once in a while. 

“You ready, Buckley?” Eddie says as he comes through the door a few minutes after Buck. 

“I was born ready, Diaz.” Buck grins. 

“Let’s do this.” Eddie gestures to the athletes behind him. 

30 minutes later, pre workout treatments are running smoothly and everything is alright. Buck is still pining over Eddie, but he can shove it down for the day. Eddie is still hiding his staring at Buck, but he can distract himself with the work. 

There’s no room for anything but doing their jobs. So they do them. Nothing makes for a more perfectly taped ankle than concentrating on not staring at the man you’re in love with. 

“You’re good to go,” Buck grins at his last patient for the morning, Emily. 

“Thanks, Buck.” There was a time when Buck would flirt, and try to get lucky. But he wasn’t that man anymore. He was Buck 1.0 back then, and the work it took to create Buck 2.0, and then Buck 3.0. He just didn’t want to throw it away. And then he would look at Eddie, and want to light the work on fire. The feelings were undeniable and hard to control. But if Buck had learned one thing from chronic pain after an injury, it was how to bite down the pain and shove it away. 

—

Braves are up by 3 and they’re up to bat. Emily taps her bat against the plate twice. The pitch comes through and the hit is perfect. Perfect, until it slices through the air into the third baseman’s nose.

Typical Eddie, he’s the first person out there. He sees all. Buck’s right behind him. They work perfectly together, checking the player for a concussion, and setting her nose.

There’s no confusion, because doing this, it’s easy. There’s no awkwardness when they reach for the same thing or when they tape the gauze. There’s no questioning the job.

It’s what happens after that leaves a lot of questions. After the game, the crowd is electric. But Buck and Eddie, they are calm. Cool. Collected.

“Heard anything about Teagan?” Buck says to clear the awkward silence.

“Who?” Eddie replies, restocking the tape supplies.

“The girl that got hit in the face with a softball.”

“Oh. Her. Yeah, she’s good. She’ll be back out there in a few days.”

“That’s great.”

“Greater still is that she thanked us. People don’t do that very often when they are dripping blood. Great end to a great day.”

There’s not a beat between Eddie’s words and when a Buck kisses him. Or when Eddie kisses back.

“Did that make it greater?” Buck says, his voice husky.

Instead of answering, Eddie kisses him again.