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callmewrinkles3 · 2 years ago

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All Too Well - DR3 x Fem!OC

Summary: Saying goodbye is hard. Saying goodbye to your family without telling them it’s a final goodbye is even harder. But Em has come to terms that Dan doesn’t love her the same way she loves him, and leaving on her own terms will hurt less than being told he’s ending things. March 2022.

Word Count: 12.3k

Warnings: fighting, all the angst this bad boy can carry, lil bit of a dickhead!Dan, running away from your friends, mentions of death, mentions of motorsport crashes and deaths, moving without telling anyone, lying to family, talk of medical procedures, frank talks about what people want to happen if they can’t decide.

A/N: We’ve kept you waiting, but we hope this was worth the wait! This part of our story is what started us on this madcap adventure together, and it’s a lot of what makes our beloved Em Em. Thank you in advance!

Em stared at the two boarding passes in front of her as she sat in the fancy Heathrow lounge, a caramel latte beside them. Heathrow to Dubai, Dubai to Melbourne. More than twenty hours spent on planes to get to Melbourne, to jump into work and get stuck in at the Australian Grand Prix. And it was the last thing she wanted to do.

She should be excited. She should be so happy because she was about to see the boys after over a week apart, she was about to see Dan. She was finally going to get to see the Ricciardos after almost two years apart. But she was dreading it, the memories from Saudi filling her head as she thought. Em forced her attention to the laptop sitting on her knees, emails up and the one she never thought she’d write sitting in the middle of the screen.

SUB: Resignation Letter

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Dear Blake,

Please use this email as my official resignation, effective immediately. I’m sorry that I can’t offer any more notice.

Working with you has been fantastic, and I appreciate everything we’ve gotten to do over the past three years.

Kind regards,

Emma.

Signing it Emma felt wrong. Emma was for Zak Brown and Andreas Sidle. Christian Horner had used it the one time she was introduced to him at Red Bull. She was always Em or Ems now. Except for Dan, she was his Emmy. But that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Or ever again. If he called her that she thought she might lose the last grip she had on her composure and break.

The email was scheduled and sitting in her outbox to send after the race, and the last thing she did before boarding was reschedule her flight home. Instead of leaving Monday morning with the boys, she was going on Sunday evening. She’d be somewhere over Queensland by the time Blake received the email and the boys would be at least twelve hours behind her. It was enough time to make sure she could be well ahead of them and get away.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be smiling and laughing, and she was supposed to be in Perth right now cuddling her niblings and laughing with Grace and Joe. Learning to cook yet another family recipe and insisting that she and Dan were just friends. She couldn’t even answer the question honestly if they were friends now.

He’d sent her away. The one thing she begged him not to do, the pinkie promise she’d made him give. The only promise she had ever asked him to keep. Not to stay safe while driving, not to do anything else. Not to leave her alone. The near screaming match they’d had in his drivers room that Blake and Michael had to break up. The way he didn’t even look at her but told Blake to “take Ems to the hotel”. How she had tears streaming down her face as she was escorted through the paddock like she wasn’t supposed to be there.

She still didn’t fully believe that she’d dropped her phone in the car. Em shouldn’t even have been in the car alone with Blake, but Dan insisted she went to the hotel room so she went. She was left there alone in Saudi Arabia, where Dan knew she couldn’t leave the hotel. She stared out the window at the smoke from the rockets, completely alone all night until Michael knocked on her door the following morning and she had to pretend everything was fine.

She’d worked from hospitality and as soon as the race finished she changed her flights to go back to London instead of Perth, making up an excuse. And Dan bought that she was going back for her parents.

“Family stuff.” She’d said when he asked.

“Em, you don’t talk to your family much.” She was folding clothes into her case, the one she’d brought that had her Australia clothes already standing fully packed.

“Yeah, but it’s family. My parents have their thirty fifth wedding anniversary in a few weeks, I’m helping plan it.” Only the last part of her words were a lie and she bit her tongue.

“Everyone wants to see you, they all miss you and they keep asking when you’ll be over. The kids miss you.”

“I’ll see them in Melbourne, Dan. You go, enjoy your time at home with them.”

She’d gotten a car to bring her to the airport and Dan hadn’t even asked a question, just a “text me when you land”. There was no hug, no even quick hand squeeze like they usually did in the Middle East. That’s when she knew whatever they were doing. The nearly four years of sleeping together and pretending they weren’t, of the media wondering who she was and why she was always there, was over.

She’d promised herself that she wasn’t going to catch feelings, that it was just sex. That she could do it. That every time she told Dan “y’know, right?” it was purely platonic. That the slow sex was just them wanting to take their time, nothing else. That she hadn’t murmured to Dan to make love to her in Bahrain when they shouldn’t have even been sharing a room after Grosjean’s crash, when he kissed her and held onto her and whispered that he loved her as he entered her.

Because that was sixteen months ago and nothing had changed. It was never going to change between them. Their fight in Saudi had proven it, and now she had to pretend that everything was fine before she said goodbye to the people she loved for the last time.

She couldn’t keep working with Dan when not sleeping with him. She couldn’t watch him fall for another woman, couldn’t get introduced to more people as “Em, my best friend” anymore. She was his Emmy. He was her Danny. And not getting to love him and be loved by him how she wanted to was going to kill her.

The flights were what she expected, Dan had upgraded her tickets to first class like he always did and she wanted to kill him like she always did. She spent the flights and the layovers organising his calendar for the next three months, tracking his flights and cross checking the sponsor events that had been filled in. Everything up to Hungary was booked and ready to go. She checked her watch when she was halfway to Melbourne, realising that he’d be at the Optus event she was usually on his arm for. She was supposed to be there this year, but she told him to take Michelle instead. All the events around the Australian GP that she always went as his plus one, wearing the star necklace he’d gotten her for her birthday, and the matching earrings that were her Christmas present the same year. Her outfit was usually one he’d bought for her against her protests because “let me spoil you” was how he showed that he cared, and she always wore the gold moon ring on her thumb that matched the sun one she’d bought him for his little finger. Most of her wardrobe and all of her everyday jewellery were presents from Dan. Her life was completely entwined with his, and untangling it all was going to hurt.

Her flight got in at god-awful o’clock that Wednesday morning, she’d lost a full day having left London on the Monday evening, but she walked through Melbourne customs with her suitcase glad to just be through. She’d told everyone she’d get an Uber to the hotel and meet them for breakfast, but instead as soon as she appeared in front of the glowing Melbourne sign two small figures ran to her yelling.

“AUNTIE EMMY YOU’RE HERE YOU’RE HERE!” Em dropped her bags and fell to her knees, arms wide open to pull Isaac and Isabella into her and pressing so many kisses to their curly heads.

“I’m here, I’m here. I missed you both so much. So, so much. I’m so sorry I couldn’t see you, I wanted to see you sooner.” Stupid Western Australia and closed borders and not letting people through. Her eyes began shining as she took in the difference in the two kids, Isaac at least a foot taller and losing the childlike way he’d spoken. Isabella had doubled in size, long hair and a child instead of a toddler the last time she’d seen her in person.

“It’s ok, you’re here now! Nana said you’ll sit with us for ev’rything ‘cept the race? Cause we’ve got two years of birthday and Christmas pressies for you!” Isaac looked so proud, grinning as he took her wheeled carry on and pulled it.

“I can’t wait. Who’re you here with?”

“Grandad Joe! He has our sign, Uncle Mike and Uncle Blake told us we had to use all the glitter. We were gonna wait, but I saw you and I wanted a hug. Is that ok?” He looked almost worried of her response, but she ruffled his hair.

“It’s more than ok. All I wanted was hugs from the two of you.”

Isabella clung to her waist, Em lifting her up with one arm and mentally thanking Michael for the strength training that let her carry the girl and pull her suitcase with her. She looked around to see Joe holding a giant piece of bright orange card, Auntie Emmy written on it in blue and silver glitter. It was the shiniest thing she’d ever seen in her life, and it was coming home with her even with the craft herpes that would infest her suitcase. Joe pulled her into a one armed hug on the side his granddaughter wasn’t monopolising, pushing a kiss to the side of her forehead that made her want to cry.

“We missed you, kiddo. Grace wanted to be here but we couldn’t fit her in the car too, and Dan’s doing media today. You cut it tight to get in.”

“It’s my parents wedding anniversary next week, I’ve been helping. I have to fly out after the race on Sunday.” It was Wednesday, and she could see his face fall as he realised how little time they’d have together.

“We’re spending as much time with you as we can until you go. Those boys get you all year round, we get you for this weekend.”

“That sounds perfect.”

When they made it to the hotel Em was greeted with yet more hugs from Grace, Michelle, and Michelle’s husband Adam. There were tears in everyone’s eyes at the reunion, and the long hug from Grace was the best thing ever and broke her heart at the same time. It was so restorative, so good, but she wasn’t going to get many more of them.

“Dan checked you in, here’s your key. He’s got the room on the other side of you, Blake’s on the other wall, we’re most of our corridor. Do you want to get some sleep and we’ll call you at noon?”

The first thing Em noticed about her room was the adjoining door between her room and Dan’s. She closed the lock gently to make sure she was completely alone. After that she napped fitfully, waking up to knocks on the door and yet more hugs. The day was spent going to the zoo, kids hanging out of her as she swung them around and gave piggybacks, feeling exactly like part of the family. Blake told her to take the day off for jet lag, and she wasn’t complaining.

That evening was filled with fun as the kids clung to her while she pulled out the first of so many presents. Chocolate first so she could see their faces eating proper chocolate rather than the Australian stuff that didn’t melt in the heat. The bag of duty free was quickly eaten between everyone, a movie on tv as she filled everyone in on what she had been doing. It wasn’t until after eight that Dan appeared wearing a suit.

“Ems! I thought you were coming with me tonight?” She looked up from where she’d been half dozing with Isabella curled up against her, taking in her best friend wearing a navy blue suit and white shirt.

“Coming to what? I’m taking today for jet lag. What’s tonight?”

“The AusGP reception. You always come!” Confusion was written all over his face and Em swallowed once, looking at him carefully.

“I said I wasn’t doing anything this year. I have to leave pretty much straight after the race, I don’t have time.”

“Emmy, please.” She hated that she couldn’t resist him when he did that, when her name curled around his accent like that.

“I don’t have anything to wear.” This was the closest they’d ever come to an argument in front of his family. Their eyes were going between them as if watching a tennis match.

“I got you something.”

“Dan, you can’t do that.” It was pointless to argue but she had to try make her point. She couldn’t just do everything because he wanted her to.

“I did. C’mon, it’s three hours and some schmoozing and we can come back so you can go to bed. He did his best impression of puppy dog eyes, lifting Isabella from her. “You want to see Auntie Emmy all glam and pretty, right Is?”

“Yeah! She’s always pretty.”

“You’re very right. I left the dress in your room, Ems. Please?”

“Fine.”

She said her goodbyes and went into her room, making sure the adjoining door was locked before going into shower and change. As she walked into the bathroom she thought she heard the door rattle but ignored it, forcing herself to take time to put herself together.

Years travelling around the world had taught her how to make herself look presentable in very little time, forcing her to learn how to do a blow dry with a hotel hairdryer. It took less than an hour to have hair and makeup perfectly done, a wrap around her shoulders and a pair of heels on her feet. The dress Dan had picked was perfect for her. It was lavender, knee length with a corset top, and her jewellery worked perfectly with it. He had taste when it wasn’t about party shirts. Once she was ready she picked up a clutch and knocked on Dan’s door. He opened the door confused, but ready to go.

“I thought you’d use the adjoining door? It’s why I got us these rooms.”

“I’m tired, Dan. Can we just get this over with?”

The launch was like anything else, an event to deal with. There were speeches and then wandering around the room, Dan’s hand hovering at her lower back but not quite touching her. She smiled as she was introduced as “meet Ems, she’s my best friend and my manager’s assistant who keeps my life on track”, even while her heart was breaking. But she kept her cool, finally managing to break away from Dan for a few minutes to chat to Ted and Natalie from Sky while Dan did the rounds.

“I didn’t know if you’d be here. I was talking to Michael yesterday, he said you weren’t in Perth with them,” Ted remarked as Em looked at the almost empty glass of champagne in his hand.

“Is this going to end up as gossip on the notebook if we talk?” Nat nearly snorted with laughter, Ted shaking his head with a chuckle.

“Nope. I’m drinking so I’m officially off work duties. Unless you have any gossip about things? Anything that I can attribute to an unnamed McLaren source?”

“I don’t work for McLaren, thankfully Zak doesn’t sign my paycheque. But no, I’ve got no gossip. There’s some family stuff happening so I have to head home pretty much as soon as the race is over. But I needed to see everyone, it’s been almost two years and I missed them.”

“Fair.” They chatted about the season so far, studiously ignoring the controversy around the last race, until Dan arrived back to make excuses and get them to leave the party.

“Back to the hotel?”

“You read my mind.”

The car ride back was the most awkward one the two of them had ever done and Em didn’t know what to do. Usually if they were in a car alone together they’d be curled into each other or at least holding hands. But she was on her side of the SUV, Dan was on his, and the hand she’d stretched into the middle as a peace offering was ignored. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do with that. Didn’t want to know, really. All his actions did was solidify that the painful decision she’d reached was the right one. Just because things could be easy didn’t mean they were right.

When they reached their floor in the hotel Dan stopped outside her hotel room as Em waved the keycard at the lock.

“Night, Dan.”

“But I thought…”

“What?” She was sharper than she should have been, but she was jet lagged and tired and heart sore.

“I thought we’d be sharing a room.”

“Your family are two doors down and the kids are here. The chances of at least one of them knocking on my door before I want to get up in the morning are high, and I don’t want to have to explain why we share a bed when we’re not married. Do you?”

“Not particularly.”

“Exactly. I’ll see you in the morning.”

As soon as the hallway door closed behind her she double checked the lock on the adjoining door before flipping over the door lock. If she’d looked out the peephole she would have seen a confused and disappointed Dan standing in the hallway.

The next few days passed in a haze of having the kids around, working, and ignoring Zak. She knew he was the original source of the rumours the year before, he was the one who got Mazepin to start spreading that she was sleeping with all three of her boys. It was her greatest pleasure to get to tell him no, and she did it with joy.

But in between finalising as much as she could before her resignation was sent she had time to wander Melbourne alone. She loved the city. It had always welcomed her in, it was Dan’s home race and the place where she knew everyone adored him. Em wandered around a craft market, finding a jewellery maker who made gold charms and engraved them on the spot. It took her all of ten seconds to buy two and get them put on different coloured leather cords, one each for Isaac and Isabella. The front had a pair of angel wings for each of her angel kids, and the engraving on the back read love you forever, Auntie Emmy.

Leaving her family behind was going to be the hardest part of this, and she needed to make sure that they knew just how much she loved them. Em was so aware that she was about to be the first adult to choose to walk out of their lives, and she didn’t want to do that. She didn’t want to break their hearts the way hers would break too. She just hoped that when they realised she wasn’t coming back they’d know she wanted to tell them how much she loved them.

Practice and qualifying were shit and she felt her dislike of the team growing even stronger. She didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to deal with the stupid orange team and the way that they were favouring Lando already. Dan was the one who won a race last year, not Lando. He was the one who had proven himself with podiums galore. But they didn’t care.

That night she left the door between their rooms unlocked. Her bags were half packed, her resignation email was scheduled to send and she’d triple checked the timezone on it. Em had spent the last two days hugging everyone as much as she could, surprising Chloe by popping into the Aston garage before a practice and waving to Lance and Seb as she pulled Chloe into a giant hug. Scotty got one too, trying to put the love and care she had for her best friends outside her boys into a hug. There were waves to the people she couldn’t hug because rumours would start, giving Susie a recommendation for the restaurant they all ate at the night before so she and Toto could have a family meal with Jack in privacy. The small things to make sure everyone knew she thought about them and loved them.

Em couldn’t sleep straight away. Nights before races were hard, the crashes she’d watched with her own two eyes usually playing in her head. Dan in Anthoine’s car, Dan in Grosjean’s. Dan in Lewis’s place the year before with no halo. Dan in the rain and a tractor on track. All the ways she knew people had died racing she thought about and she couldn’t deal. Her fear every time Dan slid into his seat in the car was all encompassing but racing was his first love and she could never ask him to stop.

She was about to get up and go down to Michael’s room to ask for some melatonin, but the doorknob between the two rooms rattled and clicked open quietly. Em stayed still as she was, breathing in and out steadily.

Dan slipped into the other side of the bed. If she just opened her eyes she’d be able to see him. If she reached her fingers out slightly she could touch him. It was the first time they’d shared a bed since Bahrain and being just over covid and she wanted him to hold her. Her body was screaming to curl into him and tell him she loves him and she’s his and she doesn’t want him to fall in love with anyone else because she wants him to love her. To choose her over all the models in the world he could have.

She didn’t sleep that night, too aware of his presence in the bed. She could hear his snores but she didn’t dare look up at him, didn’t dare move in case she disturbed him. He needed his sleep the night before a race.

As the morning dawned through crappy hotel curtains she could feel the vibrations from the alarm on his watch, the one he always used to try let her get some extra sleep when he needed to be up early.

Please kiss my forehead. Please, Dan. Please just give me any sign you want me to stay. Don’t leave me again.

Every morning was the same when they shared a bed. He’d delay until the very last minute to stay in the warmth and then kiss her forehead in goodbye. And then he’d leave, not content to get out from there until he made sure she knew he said goodbye.

This time he slid out of the bed without touching her, padding across the still room and going back into his. Em heard the lock slide shut on his side and rolled over, tears filling her eyes.

It hurt so much already, how was she supposed to pretend that everything was fine? How was she supposed to act normal around everyone when she wanted to scream that they were over and nothing would ever be the same again? How could she be okay when she felt like this?

He’d left her alone. Again. He hadn’t even touched her but he’d slept in her bed and she never thought Dan could be so cruel. She never thought he’d leave her with the barest hint of his scent, that if she hadn’t been awake she wouldn’t have known he was there. The ache spread through her chest and she tried to quiet her sobs but it hurt. It hurt so, so badly.

A cold shower soothed her puffy face, getting rid of some of the usual redness while makeup did the rest. She was dressed in her usual race day gear of shorts, vans, a McLaren polo, and a Dan hat on her head by the time there was a knock on her door, Michael standing there.

“Hey, I’m heading in with Dan and Blake now. He said you’re going in with his family in an hour?” Another cut in her heart. More space between them. But she schooled her face into a smile, hoping Michael would believe everything was fine.

“Yeah. I said I wanted as much time with the kids as possible, it’s fine. See you there?”

“See you there.”

Michael was a couple of metres away from her when she stepped into the hall, grabbing her room key from the slot just inside the door.

“Michael?” He turned and she half jogged, pulling him into a tight hug.

“What’s this for?”

“Haven’t seen you as much. You know you’re my brother, right? How lucky I am to have you as my family?”

“You’re the most annoying little sister Ems, but you’re my little sister. I’ve missed having you around.”

“Miss you too.”

She watched him walk away as step one of her goodbyes was done. The next was to go to breakfast with everyone and pretend that things were normal for the next few hours until the race was over. She could do it. She had to.

Breakfast with the extended Ricciardo clan was fun, Isabella still clinging to her and Isaac insisting on sitting beside her. She soaked up every moment she got with them, walking out to the car Dan had arranged holding Isabella on her hip.

“That’ll be you in a few years,” Michelle commented as Em struggled with the car seat buckle before getting it right. “The mother, not the cool aunt. We can swap places.”

Another stab to her already mangled heart. “I dunno. Wait and see, but I’m not sure that’s on the cards any time soon.” Considering the only man she wanted to have a child with didn’t want to be with her, it was a no.

You’ll be a good mother, Em. Plus you’ll have loads of family around.” She wanted to scream that she was leaving her family behind for good this afternoon but instead she just smiled tightly. It was too close to home. She couldn’t keep this conversation going. It hurt.

The race matched her mood. The strategy wasn’t good, the car was a tractor, and the oblique team orders to not let Dan try overtake Lando made her want to scream. The team points would be the same, but no. Not for his home race even. The crowd were amazing and let out loud cheers every time the orange car made its way around the circuit, but it wasn’t enough and Em knew it. It hurt. Her last time at a Grand Prix, her last time cheering for the man she was so deeply in love with, and the team and car had let him down again.

The plan was already to delay debrief till Monday so Dan got to spend time with his family, and Em decided to head to the airport nearly immediately. She couldn’t stay any longer. She couldn’t deal with any more hints from Michelle about a niece or nephew in the future, couldn’t listen to Grace or Joe talking about how much they’d missed her. She couldn’t spend more time with Blake and Michael without wanting to break down and tell them that they had changed her life and she wouldn’t make them choose between her and Dan.

Because that was what it came down to. She was the last one in this group that was all united by their love of Daniel Ricciardo. She was the one who loved him so deeply it hurt, the one who loved every single member of the group to the moon and to Saturn. And she loved them so much she couldn’t bear to have them walk away from her. Because that was what would happen.

Her own blood family didn’t choose her. They saw her as a disgrace, as a failure because she was thirty one years old, unmarried and without kids. They didn’t realise that she was the one who kept Dan on schedule, who organised sponsor events and filtered out the crap he and Blake didn’t need to know about. She stopped the balls from falling out of the sky. Because she was just an assistant.

And if the people who gave birth to her wouldn’t choose her, she knew the family she’d built wouldn’t either. She was never the one who was chosen, and she didn’t blame them. She was just Emma. Danny was Dan. She knew who she’d pick if given a quarter of a chance.

She’d just finished packing when the adjoining door opened, Dan walking in already speaking but stopping when he saw the case by the door, her carry on full with the edge of the orange poster getting folded in.

“Where are you going?” His tone was accusatory and she steeled herself for the argument.

“Home.”

“Emmy…”

“Don’t Emmy me, Daniel! You know I have to go back for the anniversary.” She turned to look at him, watching as confusion turned to anger.

“And I also know that’s bullshit. I’ve known you for how many years, Em? You’ve visited your parents twice. Michael was with you one of those times, the visit lasted twenty minutes and even he didn’t have anything nice to say about it. Michael. Who has a good thing to say about almost everyone. So tell me the truth, why are you leaving now? Why not get on the flight with us tomorrow?”

“Because I have to go back.”

“Don’t lie to me Em!” He raised his voice and Em gave as good as she got, staring back at him.

“You want the truth, Dan? All of it?”

“Yes! That’s all I want, it’s all I’ve ever wanted with you.”

She took a deep breath, staring into his brown eyes for the last time, soaking in that even so angry he was so beautiful. She’d had the privilege of sleeping with him for nearly four years, of loving him for three. Whoever got to do that next would be so incredibly lucky.

“You left me alone. The one thing I ever asked of you, the only thing I ever asked you to promise me was to never leave me alone. I begged you. Whatever was going on, whatever was happening with us, please don’t leave me alone. And then there were bombs flying and I watched one explode and you made me get into a car and leave. You made me stay alone, and you didn’t come back to me that night. I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t know if you were even alive because I didn’t have my fucking phone until the next morning and all the news was in Arabic. You were gone to the track before I knew what had happened. You left. You broke your promise, Daniel.”

“I didn’t have a choice!” It was the worst thing he could have said.

“But Blake and Michael got to stay. Angela stayed with Lewis, don’t try to lie to me and tell me she didn’t. Britta stayed with Seb. You sent me away, Dan. I was sobbing and begging you to stay and you made Blake drive me away. You made me leave when I was scared.” She let her words sink into him fully. “Just leave. Get out of this room and leave.”

“Emmy…” His voice was soft and she blinked back the tears she knew she wanted to cry. Not until the airport. Not until then.

“GET OUT DAN!” She yelled at him for the first time, shock on his face. “JUST LEAVE! It’s what you’ve been doing this whole weekend, just leave.”

“Fine. Fine. If that’s what you want, I’m fucking gone. I’m done here, I’m gone. I’ll be downstairs in five for you to say goodbye to everyone.” She watched him walk through the adjoining door and lock it as Em’s heart completely broke in two. She’d ruined it. He was done. He was gone. He was leaving and she was going and she would never speak to him again because her Daniel wasn’t hers anymore. One person down, eight to go.

She brought her bags down to the lobby alone, everyone standing there waiting to say goodbye. Michael got a hug, she’d said everything she needed to earlier that day. Blake was beside him, wrapping her in a full body giant one and holding her tight.

“You know I love you, don’t you? I really love you.” Blake grinned and pulled her close again.

“Love you too, Ems. Moving beside you was the best decision I ever made.”

Saying goodbye to Michelle and Adam was hugs and whispers of seeing them for Christmas when she knew it was a lie. Grace pulled her into a hug that only a mother figure could, whispering in her ear.

“We’re coming over for Silverstone and yours and Dan’s birthdays, so we’ll see you then. We love you Em. If you need anything I’m only a FaceTime away. Don’t let them get you down when you’re with your family.”

“I love you too, Grace.”

Joe got a hug and a murmured love you, his hand patting her back soothingly. The kids were last, sulking as Em squatted down in front of them.

“So I got my angels a present to say goodbye, cause I know I didn’t get to see you lots. Want to see them?” There were identical nods and Em strapped the bracelets on, Isaac’s on a black cord and Isabella’s on a purple one.

“It matches the one I made you and Uncle Dan,” Isabella murmured as Em pulled her into a tight hug.

“It does. It’s a reminder that I love you both so very, very much. No matter how far away we are, I’m always going to love you, okay? Don’t ever, ever forget that. Pinkie promise me?” She held out her little fingers, laughing as they both enthusiastically took part in the ritual. She pulled them in for a final hug, pressing kisses to both of their heads.

“See you on winter break!” Isaac grinned as he spoke, Em putting a tight smile on her face.

“We call it summer break, but I’ll see what we have to do then buddy.”

“Do you want a lift to the airport? I’ve got the rental?” Joe asked but Em shook her head.

“Nah, I’m good. I’ve got an Uber coming, I just want to get on the road. It’s hard enough to say goodbye to everyone I can’t drag it out much longer.”

“Fair. Love you, kiddo.”

“Love you too, Joe.” Her phone buzzed with the notification that her driver was there and she started towards the door. Dan still hadn’t come down and that was it. He didn’t love her. He didn’t feel anything like how she did because no matter what he’d said, he’d never make her leave. But she made him leave. He was gone.

She was almost at the door when an oh too familiar voice called across the lobby, running up to them.

“I didn’t think you’d be leaving already.”

“My Uber’s outside, I need to leave.”

“Oh.” There was none of their usual hugs, none of the subtle kisses he pushed to the top of her head when they were separated. He didn’t even squeeze her fingers. It was like they were strangers. “Send a text when you get to London?”

“Yeah, sure.”

She turned to get her luggage into the car, shielding her face from everyone with her hair. The driver lifted it in and she was soon safely ensconced in the back seat, tears falling down her cheeks as she waved goodbye behind partially tinted glass.

“Was that Daniel Ricciardo?” The driver asked, Em forcing a smile.

“Yeah, I work with him.” It was true for another five hours at least.

“He seems like a good guy.”

“He’s one of the best.”

Tears streamed down Em’s cheeks the entire way to the airport, through the fancy check in area and security, and following her into her first class pod. She mostly ignored the staff apart from nodding at them, continuing to cry and wipe her eyes on tissues. The tears barely stopped until Dubai, only aided by Blake’s near constant texts as soon as her email sent.

She knew when she arrived in London that she had about twelve hours before the boys landed, Blake texting even while he was on his flights. She sent a I got back safely, receiving another flurry of responses.

Em, what’s this email about?

What’s going on?

Tell me you didn’t mean to send this

Is it the travel? Do you want to slow down? Why?

Ems we need you. How am I supposed to tell everyone you’re not coming with us anymore? Did you meet someone? Did something happen?

We’re about to land in Heathrow. Dan’s going to his place and looks miserable. I’ll be at your door in less than two hours.

When she got the final text Em grabbed the bags she’d hastily packed with clothes and the things she needed for the next eight days until the boys had left London for Imola. The address of the last minute airbnb was in her email, getting an Uber to it handy. She was long gone by the time Blake arrived, sitting in her temporary home for the next while and planning what she had to do. They’d leave England on the Wednesday, she had five days to empty her flat.

It started with an email to her landlord to give up the lease. Her family reasons excuse was accepted quickly, the landlord told she had to leave London and the apartment would be vacant from the end of the month. After that she had to start planning on where to go to.

There were too many memories in London. Nearly every street reminded her of Dan, of days walking around hand in hand to show him her London, not the tourist one he knew. The city she’d moved to at eighteen with a dream and a student loan and where she’d discovered who she was. Dan was everywhere in the city for her - memories of their first kiss in the pub she’d spent too many hours in, museums she’d dragged him to, streets he’d stolen a kiss from her at with a grin and a chuckle when they were waiting to cross the road. The cafes and greasy spoons she’d brought him to with the promise of not telling Michael. She couldn’t stay there, it was too much.

But everywhere she thought of had memories of him. Filthy weekends away when they were at home because of covid, eating out to help out and driving to Manchester or Glasgow to spend time together and have hotel sex. The midlands were completely out because of Silverstone, of memories of Enstone and the Renault factory, of Milton Keynes and his goodbye from Red Bull.

The only big city she could think of without a memory of Dan - with only one memory of her boys - was Liverpool. Which meant her parents. Which meant a conversation she never wanted to have. Calling her mother wasn’t like calling Grace. But she didn’t have Grace in her life anymore, so she had to do it.

“Emma, what country do you deign to call us from today?” Her mother answered the phone, disdain dripping from every word.

“Good morning, Mother. I’m in England. I was calling because I need to ask for a favour from you.”

“Yes?”

Em swallowed, teeing up words on her too thick tongue. “I had to leave my job, they didn’t have the funding to keep me on. I was wondering if I could move home for a few weeks while I’m applying for new jobs. I want to leave motorsports, there’s too much travelling and I want to settle down.” She hit every keyword that her mother had as she checked her bank account balance, spotting her final pay deposited in the account. It was more than healthy thanks to travelling so much for work and Dan covering that under work expenses. But she needed to be sensible, and renting somewhere without a job would be a mistake.

“You can. You will need to pay rent while you’re here.”

“Of course. Just let me know how much. It wont be for long, it’s just a few weeks. It’ll be like I won’t even be there, if I’m not interviewing I’ll be in my bedroom.”

“Fine. Let me know when you plan to arrive.” She sounded bored of the conversation already.

“I’ll be back April twenty fourth. I can send you the train details then.

“See you then.”

The difference between the call with her mother and a call with Grace just cut the wound in her chest even harder. Grace never let a call end without a million “I love you”s between them. She made sure that Em spoke to everyone in the family, and if Joe was out at the garage she took a message and told Em that he loved her. Instead her mother hadn’t even asked if Em wanted to leave a message for her father.

It felt so, so wrong.

The list of things she had to do before the boys left for Italy was beginning to shrink, but there was still so much to do. She ignored Blake and Michael’s texts, refusing to even open them. The chats were archived so the red dots didn’t irritate her. Dan didn’t send her anything at all, yet more proof that he meant everything he said in Melbourne. He was done with her. She didn’t realise that emotional pain could hurt this much. She’d never believed in soulmates, never believed in fate. She always thought that if a relationship ended she’d get through it. But now? This not quite a relationship over? It ached to her core.

Friday morning she had an appointment with a solicitor, walking in with a tear stained sheet of what she wanted to leave to different people. She’d always fought with Dan about being prepared if something happened to him, not wanting to know what he left her. She was one of the two people who could decide what medical treatment he got if he couldn’t consent. She’d cried when he told her that day in Spa when they got that tragic news what he wanted if he was in a crash like that. That he trusted her to not let him stay on machines. Some of her nightmares included his plaintive “I don’t want false hope” that made her ache.

She didn’t trust her parents to not do the same for her. They’d keep her hooked up to machines for as long as possible, they’d insist it was for “hope”. Em didn’t know what hope, but she knew them. They’d barely spoken for five years apart from occasional texts and birthday cards, they didn’t have the right to decide what happened to her.

It was a blustery Friday morning when she walked into that office and signed the papers to say Daniel Ricciardo, Blake Friend, and Michael Italiano were the people who decided what would happen if she couldn’t make her own medical decisions. She gave the lawyer the makeshift will that was handwritten and tearstained. It was simple - her cookbooks and exercise equipment to Michael because he was always trying to adapt her recipes. All but one piece of her furniture to Blake. Her CDs and DVDs to Dan, along with the coffee table he kept falling over. Her collection of Dan’s raceworn helmets to Isaac and Isabella. Dan, Grace, and Michelle were to divide her jewellery between them based on who wanted what. The rest of her belongings were to be sold and the money put in Isaac and Isabella’s college funds. It was too easy.

Even after everything that had happened, even after walking away, she trusted her boys more than she trusted anyone else in the world.

After all of that her final task was to organise her storage unit and movers. That was easiest of all if Em was honest. A call to a moving company who agreed to put everything in the unit without her there, and walking into a storage company. She signed a two year contract and paid the full rent then and there, surprising the man at the counter. Now she was able to disappear.

The texts kept coming from Blake and Michael. WhatsApp and iMessage, even a signal account she’d forgotten she had on her phone. Michael sent her instagram DMs so she deleted the app instead of trying to avoid reading them and appearing online. But finally it was Wednesday and she knew exactly when the boys were flying out of London City Airport. She’d organised the private flight for them, booked the plane and made sure the flight was as clean as possible. As soon as they’d take off her plan could start.

Walking back into her apartment felt too normal, just checking her post and finding it mostly full of letters from Blake. Get in touch, we’re worried, we miss you. Sentiments she knew he’d share but it would be easy for him to forget about her. The letters went out in recycling and she began to pack up her life.

The boxes were settled easily. Storage, donating, and Dan’s stuff. The ones for him filled quickly, clothes and accessories and things he’d left lying around the apartment that had become theirs instead of just hers. It took three boxes to get rid of the sense of him.

The storage boxes were easier, but the final thing she had to do at four that Sunday morning was decide what to do with her helmet wall. Ever since Monaco and his win, Dan had given her his race worn helmet for any new race design. She could name which race each of them was from, and in the middle was her Monza win one. McLaren had wanted it for the MTC but Dan refused to give it over, insisting it was his and he was keeping it. They got the trophy so he got the helmet. And then he put it in the middle of the IKEA shelves that they’d spent a weekend putting together and laughing.

Part of her - a large part if she was truly honest - wanted to donate them. Get rid of them for the clean break she insisted she needed. But she couldn’t. They were the good parts of the last four years, the best part of her life and the reminder that for years she got to love Daniel Ricciardo and travel the world with her best friends. Once she was settled somewhere she’d put them all back up to get her and explain to whoever asked that she was a part of Formula One for a short while, and it meant so much to her.

It took longer than she expected to get them wrapped carefully and boxed away. Two just about fit in one box, but they were light at least. When they were carefully labelled with the races, a tear falling from her eye when she wrote Monaco 2018 on a box in looping letters, she sat down to write notes to her boys. They deserved more than a resignation email and leaving without saying goodbye but if she saw them in person she wouldn’t walk away. She was barely strong enough to do that the first time. Em couldn’t do it again.

Dan’s took the longest. It started with anger. How could you make me love you when you didn’t love me back scrawled angrily, tears staining the lined pages as she wrote everything. But she couldn’t give it to him how she’d written it. She couldn’t deliberately hurt him. It wasn’t Dan’s fault that she’d fallen in love with a man who couldn’t love her back the way she wanted him to love her. It was her fifth draft, still tear stained, that was the one she was giving him.

Danny,

I’m sorry I didn’t say this in person but I couldn’t do it. We both know that things between us haven’t been working for a while. It’s nobody’s fault. I guess we just wanted different things. It happens to us all. But we’re both done and writing this is easier than another long conversation and another fight.

Go be happy. I’ll cheer you on from wherever I end up, no matter what. You’ve changed so many lives, mine included. Thank you for the amazing years and experiences. You let me do things that so few people ever get to do and I can’t thank you enough for that.

Emma

Michael and Blake’s were harder and easier. She only needed one attempt at them, trying to wipe the tears before they fell.

Blakey,

I’m sorry for leaving like this. I’m sorry for leaving you in the lurch, but I made sure that everything logistically is booked until the summer break. Just get him where he needs to be on time, you were always better at that than me.

I love you. You’re my big brother and i wasn’t going to make you choose between me and Dan, that was never going to be fair. I’ll be happy and I want you to be happy too. Find a girl and settle down or bring her around the world. I’m rooting for you the entire time.

Will you make sure everyone in the paddock knows I love them? Tell Chloe and Scotty to get their wedding planned. Chloe will be the most beautiful bride and I’m so sorry I won’t get to see her in person. Scotty will look ok, I guess.

Thank you for everything.

Love,

Ems

PS - the extra key is for my storage unit. A1 Storage in Wimbledon. Figured you’d be a good person to have it.

She folded Blake’s letter into an envelope and labelled it before writing the last one. Somehow this was the hardest, having to ask Michael to do what she couldn’t.

Mike,

I’m sorry for leaving and I’m sorry for asking you to pass a message on but I know you will. I love you so much. You made lockdown bearable even when I was being a bitch, and you made me actually enjoy exercising you cruel man.

Tell everyone that I love them and I’m sorry? You let me know exactly what a family is and how I deserve to be loved and that’s something I can never thank you enough for. Ever. I can’t make people decide between me and Dan. He wins every time and that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s easier if I just leave.

Tell Grace and Joe I love them and I will forever be grateful for their love and support. Let Michelle know that she’s the best big sister ever. Please make sure that Isaac and Isabella know that I love them no matter what. It’s not their fault I left and I will always love them. Whoever gets to be their auntie is the luckiest person in the world and I wish it got to be me.

Tell all your family I love them, and ti voglio bene to Nadia and your Nana. I love you all so much, and I’m cheering you all on from wherever I end up.

Love,

When the movers came she handed them the key to the storage unit, letting them know what to do. Everything was out of the apartment in a few moments and Em took a last look around her almost empty apartment. The memories were suffocating. Dan tripping over the coffee table, the London lockdown when they got back from Australia and they lied to Michael about what the yoga mat’s primary purpose was. The way Dan danced with her in the dark kitchen, distracting her from finding food for them in the fridge and getting them to sway in the silence. The kisses and living together like he loved her the same way she loved him.

He’d been blowing up her voicemail since Wednesday and she deleted them I listened to. The first “Emmy” hurt her too much, so she decided to practice self preservation for once. As soon as her voicemail said “you have an unlistened to voicemail from Dan” it was deleted. The same with Blake and Michael. She couldn’t do it.

Finally it was time to leave, and she carried Dan’s boxes one at a time into Blake’s apartment. The three were stacked one atop the other, the letters on top of them. Em stared at her thumb, at the moon ring that had been there since Dan bought it for her calling her his moon on dark nights. She couldn’t bear to take off the three necklace hanging on her chest, but this she had to leave behind. She wasn’t his moon, and he was too bright to be her sun.

She slipped it off and rubbed her finger against the warm gold, pushing a kiss to it before stepping back. The final thing she needed to do was leave the envelope with her medical power papers and will on Blake’s coffee table before she locked the front door and slipped his keys in his post box. It was done. She was gone.

The tube to Euston was quicker than expected and she joined the trek to the Liverpool train, settling into her seat a few minutes before they were due to pull out. Her phone lit up with a notification that the race was about to start, illuminating the photo from lockdown of her and Dan holding Isaac and Isabella. They looked like a family. Em unlocked her phone and pushed her thumb firmly down on the F1 app to delete it. A clean break.

The train pulled off exactly at two, her mind echoing Crofty’s “lights out and away we go”. Dan was in the car and racing and all she wanted was a good points finish for him. But she couldn’t check. She couldn’t let herself find out what he was doing.

Her tears fell harder as the train pulled into Milton Keynes, the memories of the last time she’d done this train journey as Dan’s plus one. His leaving Red Bull party, staying in a hotel with him the week before they flew to Perth for Christmas. It was the only time she’d gotten to visit the impressive Red Bull factory. Meeting Max properly, Christian cornering her with his wife - and keeping her cool around Geri fucking Halliwell - to ask if she could convince Dan to come back. Getting whisked away from Helmut quickly when he tried to speak to her, meeting the mechanics and team that she’d seen at several races properly for once. Yet another place she could never visit again because all she’d think about was Dan.

Em made herself stop crying shortly after, pushing a cold bottle of water to her eyes. She couldn’t be red eyed or puffy seeing her parents. It was bad enough returning with her tail between her legs. She didn’t know if she’d survive the I told you so.

When Dan got out of the car in Imola he knew what he had to do. His first stop was being weighed and getting his slip, Mike pushing one of those AG1 drinks into his hand to down to get electrolytes and water back into him. After that it was media rounds, apologising to Carlos, and doing media. Once the debrief was finished it was London. He needed to get to Emmy. For the second time he’d gotten on a plane when he should have been with her and he needed to apologise. Needed to make things right.

“The jet will be ready when we finish? I need to get back to London tonight.” Michael handed him a McLaren branded shirt and pair of skinny jeans to put on once he was out of the shower.

“It’ll be ready. Mate, you need to know that she might not want—“

“She’ll see me. It’s Em. She’s my Emmy. She’s going to see me and I’m going to tell her everything. I can’t do this without her. I can’t. I dunno how I did it before.”

“Ok. Go shower and head out.”

The debrief was painful. Lando on the fucking podium, Dan last. They wrote off his technical debrief after the collision. It was clear Dan couldn’t have done anything, and the rest of his race was nothing to write home about. He should have just retired. It was shit and he just had to listen to how Lando had a flawless race and was extracting the most out of the tractor McLaren had built. He had to wait until it was over, half listening and taking notes while stewing.

All he could think about was Emmy. He hadn’t reached out because he thought she needed space, wanted time. He’d had the fucking ring in his pocket in the hotel room and then they’d fought and he couldn’t exactly get on one knee and ask her to marry him after that. But now she was gone and she’d been gone for weeks and he didn’t know. He needed her to be ok. He needed to go home and see her on the couch and beg for her forgiveness because he was hers. His apartment was so fucking lonely, driving in and out of the factory without seeing her. Without going to sleep curled up beside her and waking up with the fairy lights glowing as she read whatever dog eared book she was rereading that month.

The voicemails were being listened to. Her inbox went from full to empty and he kept texting, determined to get through to her. Needing her to talk to him. To say anything at all. People kept asking where she was, he laughed it off and gave the excuse of family stuff. Natalie had nodded and said she hoped Em would be back soon. Chloe had looked at him oddly when she heard the excuse but he shrugged and moved on. The elder Stroll could be terrifying and he didn’t want to get on her bad side. Not even Scotty could save him from that.

There was nothing he could do but wait to be freed. The moment they were able to break - after Dan apologised to the mechanics for the job they’d have to do on the car - he was on his way to the driver room. Blake and Michael were already there with bags packed and ready to go.

It was a two hour flight to London and they landed at nine. After forcing their way through traffic in a black cab it was after nine thirty by the time they arrived at Blake and Em’s building. Dan stepped out of the car and grabbed his bags, heading straight upstairs to the two identical doors. He didn’t realise when it became more normal to stand in front of Em’s door than Blakes, but it had years before. He knocked twice to no response.

“Em? I’ve got my key, I’m coming in.”

The lock turned easily with the familiar key and Dan set his bags down to flick the light switch. What he saw terrified him.

The room was empty. The couch that killed his back, the coffee table his shins hated, gone. The bookshelves and the kitchen table they’d spent a lockdown day building, gone. Her helmet collection was missing. Em had once told him that if the building went on fire she would save whichever helmets she could. If they were gone, she was gone.

He ran to her bedroom but everything was missing. The fairy lights they’d taped up with double sided tape. Her bed. The throw cushions he laughed about. Even the case at the bottom of her wardrobe with the lingerie he’d bought her was gone. Her pink boots weren't there. It was like nobody had lived there for years. He couldn’t even smell her perfume in the air.

“Dan?” He hadn’t realised tears were streaming down his face when he turned to see his best mates standing in the doorway. “Mate, you need to see this.”

He followed them back to Blakes, pausing to lock Emmy’s front door. She had to come back. The idea that she wouldn’t come back was impossible.

Until he saw the boxes.

Three of them, neatly stacked almost up to Blake’s chest. There were three envelopes on them, and a glint of gold on top of one. He nearly ran to it, ignoring the post race soreness going through his body to see the ring he’d given her sitting on top of the one neatly labelled Daniel.

She’d used his first name. Emmy never used his first name unless something was wrong. He’d fucked up so badly that he didn’t want to open it.

Instead he held the ring firmly in his palm, the metal cold against his hand. She was there. She had been there and now she was gone and he didn’t know what to do. But instead he followed what Blake and Michael had done and opened his letter.

It was how impersonal it was that killed him. Em was done. She’d be fine. Thanking him for bringing her around the world and letting her work with him. She didn’t want another fight and she thought he was done with her.

She didn’t love him like he loved her and for a brief moment that made him want to die. The moments they’d shared, the times they’d said they loved each other. The times he’d held her and traced I love you down her back or against her clit when he was eating her out, desperate for her to know but too afraid to say it. The 'y’know, right?'. Everything from the last nearly four years. None of it had ever mattered because she wouldn’t have married him. He had her ring in his fucking ever present backpack and thank God he hadn’t tried to propose because she’d have said no and he’d have been humiliated.

“I guess you were right. Buying the ring was a mistake.”

His choked voice broke the silence, but it was Michael who got the next sentence in, cutting off Blake’s question about the ring.

“Mate, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“She doesn’t love me like I love her. I was wrong. I just got my heart broken so please, don’t rub it in right now?”

“Did you read any of what she wrote?”

“Yeah. She’s done. She thanked me for letting her travel with us. Like she didn’t earn her place. She signed it Emma. I was wrong, ok? I was wrong and I can’t take you rubbing it the fuck in when I think Im gonna break.”

“What happened? Because the two of you were fine in Bahrain, and then after Saudi she disappeared and skipped Perth, and she was barely in Melbourne. What happened with you?” Blake was the one who asked, Dan flopping on the couch beside him. He held out his much shorter letter for them to read.

“Things were weird when we got back after Christmas. Then we had covid and got through it. And Saudi fucking happened. With everything going on and keeping her safe I didn’t see her till after the race and she was already leaving. And in Melbourne we… We had a fight.” The memories of what he’d said were circling again, the anger between them, Em telling him to leave again. Him walking away.

“We thought that much. You didn’t even hug her goodbye.”

“She told me to leave!”

“In self preservation.” Michael’s voice was low and Dan was almost afraid of his best friend. “She said she didn’t want to make us choose between you and her, that she knew we’d pick you. So she left. I have to tell your fucking family she’s gone, by the way. She asked me to. So you’re going to tell me everything that’s happened between the two of you and we’re going to fix this. What the fuck did you do?”

He wanted to be annoyed that he was being blamed but he couldn’t blame the boys. So he let everything out.

He told them about wanting to kiss her in Blake’s that first night, of Monaco and their agreement that it was over once she left Monaco. Coffee and Silverstone and her birthday drinks. Spa and I love you when they were faced with the reality of what could happen with his job again. Em begging him to never leave her behind, that no matter what he wouldn’t leave her alone. Her dick of an ex who’d destroyed her self-esteem and meant she lost her friends. The meaning of 'Y’know, right?', the phrase that had been their mantra since 2019. That he hadn’t slept with anyone else since he’d met her because he just knew she was supposed to be his. That he’d bought the ring when they spent Christmas 2020 together but was just waiting for the right moment. And then in Saudi she’d been sobbing and he sent her away. He made Blake take her away from him. From them. He’d broken his fucking promise and again in Australia he walked away when he should have stayed in that room.

She’d picked the fight. She’d picked it so she’d be left alone and leave and the realisation of how well she fucking knew him hurt so much. She knew him like the palm of her hand and for a minute he forgot about it.

“Let me get this straight. You’ve known just how shit her family is for longer than any of us, and I’m the only one who’s actually met them. She asked for exactly one thing from you which was don’t leave her alone. And in Saudi, one of the countries she’s most scared of being away from us for any length of time, you made her go back to the hotel and stay there on her own. She begged you to stay and was sobbing and you left her to cry when she asked you to stay? I could fucking punch you right now.” He nodded at Michael’s words, shame filling every cell in his body.

“You made us leave her alone.” Blake spoke and Dan thought he was going to be sick. “In Melbourne. The morning of the race. 'Em’s going with my parents. She wants family time.' She didn’t know she was going with them, did she? Why?”

“She… I… No. We weren’t ok. I didn’t know if I could be in the car with her. Not after that night.”

“What happened?”

“I… Fuck. She kept the door between our rooms locked that whole week. But Saturday night it wasn’t locked. I had a habit of just trying it, just in case. It was open and I went in. I just lay down on the edge of the bed and watched her sleep for a while before falling asleep. I left before she woke up. She didn’t know, she was asleep the whole time.”

“You think our Ems was asleep for a full night before a fucking race? Are you an idiot? Did you get brain damage in that crash today? She doesn’t fucking sleep! You slept in the same bed as her for four fucking years and you don't know that? She’s into me for melatonin every damn night because she can’t sleep worrying about you. She was awake that entire night and you left her without saying a goddamn word and then you abandoned her again. Again, Dan. Don’t tell me you did something stupid and cheated on her like her fucking ex.”

“I never cheated. I haven’t touched another woman.” The thought made him sick. “I’m not that asshole. You know I’m not.”

“I don’t mean to be funny Dan. She lived beside me for nearly five years. She’s my friend. And now her apartment is for rent, your shit is here, and she’s told us all goodbye and to give messages to the people she loves. So you might not have cheated on her, but you broke her. It took us four years to help Em feel like herself again and put her pieces back together and you broke her.” Blake was opening another envelope mixed in with the post on his coffee table that Em had left in as he spoke, eyes widening slightly. Before he could get the words out Michael had to.

“You’re telling your family, by the way.” His voice was solid, a way Dan had never heard before. “She asked me to tell them but I can’t. I can’t break those kids hearts and tell them their auntie Emmy loves them forever but she can’t see them again. I can’t tell your sister that she’s lost a sister, and I can’t tell your parents that you ran off the woman they want you to marry. That the woman your mum teaches family recipes to had to leave, because you fucked up that much. You know she’s their second daughter, right? Even before whatever the fuck you’ve been doing started they adored her. From Monaco. Em’s lost the only decent mother she’s ever had because of you. She didn’t want to make us choose but if she was here right now I’d choose her over you any day.”

“If you think she doesn’t love you, read this.” Blake held out a package of papers, Dan skimming them.

Everyone in his line of work was familiar with leaving a will behind. The fucking academies basically demanded it at this point. He’d put Emmy on his own medical power of attorney form after Spa, told her what he was leaving her when she was ready for that conversation after Roman nearly died in Bahrain.

But Emma wasn't racing cars every weekend, so she didn't need the papers she signed. She didn't need to leave a will behind, but his name was there to make decisions for Em. She’d left him specific things. The cold fear snaked up his spine, tightening around his lungs and making it hard to breathe.

“She wouldn’t. She won’t do anything stupid. It’s Em, she wouldn’t.” The words came out as a rush but certain. She wouldn’t hurt herself. God, he couldn’t live with himself if she did.

“It’s probably just a precaution. But Jesus Christ, Dan. She’s gone. We have no idea where she is, we don’t even know what country she’s in. We don’t know what kind of head start she has and with the amount of frequent flier miles she has she could be anywhere. We can probably cross off here and Australia, but that doesn’t take away much.”

“I need to leave.” Dan turned to see Michael pick up his bag. “I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk. I’ll email you workout plans. She’s my fucking sister, Dan. She’s my little sister and I trusted you knew what you were doing with her. She said goodbye to me and I didn’t even know. You… I can’t look at you right now. I’m this close to quitting too because I don’t know you anymore. The Dan I grew up with? He would have said something. He wouldn’t make the woman he kept saying he was going to make his wife run away. He wouldn’t make her feel unloved. Just work out what you’re going to do. I’ll be on the plane to Miami but I don’t know if I’ll see you before then.” Dan watched as his oldest friend, the man he’d known since primary school, who’d supported him through thick and thin, walked out of the apartment into the London night.

“She’s gone. She’s really gone and she’s not coming back. I… I have to find her, Blake. I can’t do this without her.”

“You need to work out what you’re doing. You need to tell your family she’s gone. You need to do your job. We’re all hurting right now and yeah your heart is breaking. But its my job to do tough love and tell you that you need to work first and then think about her.” He stared at Blake in shock. “I’m pissed. But work first. Em somehow managed to take everything off my plate when she was leaving, because she didn’t want to make things hard on me. Go home, Dan. I have to call Chloe Stroll and tell her Em’s not coming back.”

“Not yet. Please. Let me f—“

“I’m telling her. You can hide it from the media, from your family, whatever. Chloe is Em’s best friend outside us. Do you really think she hasn’t tried calling Em already? Really?” Dan nodded once. “Go home. Your place, not the empty apartment next door you called home. Go home and get your shit together. Em would kill you if you fucked up a race over her.”

Dan got an Uber on his phone, taking his bags downstairs along with his letter from Em. He slipped the moon ring onto his little finger, settling it just above the sun. He needed her back. He just didn’t know how to find her.

#call it what you want fic #ciwyw writing #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo oneshot #f1 imagine #f1 oneshot #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 oneshot #formula one fanfic #formula one imagine #daniel ricciardo x ofc #daniel ricciardo x reader

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buckysgrace · 3 months ago

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5. Give It All

Billy Hargrove x Fem!OC/Tommy Hagan x Fem!OC

Now That We Don’t Talk Masterlist

CW: Unprotected sex, cheating, stepcest

A familiar buzz raced through his veins the rest of the night, left him restless and wide eyed as he desperately tried to will himself to sleep. Guilt and excitement ate at him, twisting and gripping at his insides so tightly that he found himself sick again. And again.

Tommy had been the first person he had thought to call, the only person that he knew would actually answer. Well, he was sure that Kim would but their situation was complicated.

And he had just made it worse.

Sitting across from her at dinner had been torture. Watching Tommy hold her hand and kiss her cheek, whisper sweet words to her and tease her. They didn’t look unhappy. Not like he’d been suggesting. But then again, he was sure that she felt just as guilty as what he did.

And it made him angry. But he was used to that. Anger was a friend that he knew all too well. He couldn’t do anything different about it. He’d just have to suck it up, to pretend that he was okay until he could leave. He needed to start applying to places.

“What happened yesterday-,” Kim started slowly, keeping her voice low as she tucked her hair behind her ears, “It can’t happen again.” She whispered as she glanced over her shoulder, like Nora would magically know what they were talking about. The toddler was half asleep on the couch anyway. Apparently she had been too excited to sleep last night.

He knew that she was making sure he understood that before hers and Tommy’s guests arrived. Nora’s birthday was today. She was three. Kim had made some sort of life for herself without him. Like she didn’t need him.

In a twisted way, he pitied her. Her life had clearly not become what she had once wanted to be and he was sure that had to be frustrating. Even if she didn’t act like it. He was frustrated with his life, but it was headed exactly how he thought it would.

“What happened?” He asked dryly, cocking his eyebrows as he shut down. If she didn’t care, then he wouldn’t care either. It was as simple as that.

She observed him for a moment, those stunning hazel eyes filled with a sense of sorrow that he didn’t understand. He wanted to cup her face, to kiss her gently until she was no longer upset. To tell her that everything was going to be okay.

“It can’t,” She said softly, “It was wrong.” She tugged at the ends of her hair, twisting the red strands tightly around her fingers. He clenched his fingers into a fist, trying to control the urge to reach out and touch her.

“You were the one that got on your knees,” He reminded her, leaning closer to get a reaction from her, “That begged me to cum on your face.” He enjoyed the way her eyes widened, how her cheeks burned as she tightened her jaw.

“Billy.” She warned, exhaling roughly as she moved her gaze towards his. He locked eyes with hers, savoring each second that he had with her. Even if she was upset with him. He needed something from her.

“I’m just saying,” He said with a shrug of his shoulders, “You wanted it just as badly.” He pointed out, eyes drifting towards her slender neck and then towards her exposed collarbone. He really didn’t get a chance to properly touch her yesterday.

“I know, I know I did,” She said quickly, “But I’m married. I can’t-, I can’t just sleep with you now.” She took a step back, forcing the tension to move between them. He chewed on his bottom lip, missing the warmth that radiated from her body.

“Didn’t stop you before,” He remarked quickly, “You used to go on dates with Tommy and come home begging for my cock. I didn’t forget. Did you?” He knew it wasn’t fair, but it was true. He took a step closer once again, swearing that he could hear her heart beating from the short distance between them.

“Billy-,” She started but then faltered, soft lips parting as he brought his palm up against her cheek. She froze as she leaned against his skin, missing his touch just as much as he’d missed hers. He could read it all over her pretty expression.

“Nothing’s really changed, has it?” He smirked as he tucked her hair behind her ear, “You still want me.” He stated, slowly dragging his fingers across her neck as a pink shade followed behind his touch.

He moved his fingers up to her chin, pressing against her softly before he began to trace her lips. It left him excited and remorseful at the same time. It had been so long since he’d done that. He was foolish for ever pushing her away.

Everything felt blurred as her mouth was suddenly on his, the same electricity pulsing through their bodies as they stumbled back to her room. He was quick to shut the door, quick to remove his clothes and push her back onto the bed.

He captured her lips slowly, deeply as she moaned against him. He squeezed at her boobs as he dragged his tongue against hers, twisting their tongues together as he felt his cock hardening in anticipation. He didn’t see why it was wrong if it felt so right.

“Wait,” She breathed out, making him shut his eyes in defeat as he waited for her to push him away again, “I don’t want to get undressed.” She brought her hand tightly over her abdomen, taking him by surprise.

“What?” He tilted his head, seeking clarity as he tried to read through her new behavior. She had always been bashful, but not quite like this.

“Just push my underwear aside,” She gulped as she kept the hem of her dress over her waist, “It’ll be easier that way.” She nodded her head, but he didn’t agree with that one bit. He’d been dying to actually see her once again and now she wouldn’t let him?

“I want to see you,” He told her as he took her hands in his, stalling for a brief second before he brought his lips across her knuckles, “All of you.”

She flushed underneath his touch, nodding her head shyly before she slowly worked on the buttons at the top of her dress. He watched her for a moment before he took over, working twice as fast and not trembling in the manner she had.

He wasn’t sure why she had been insecure. She was stunning. The prettiest woman he’d ever seen. She was no longer the scrawny girl that he remembered. Her boobs were fuller, her sides softer and a gentle pouch where thick scars rested against her pale skin. Still incredible.

He kissed down her skin, savoring his tongue across her boobs before he reached her stomach. She kept moving her hands there, like she was trying to cover herself up. But he didn’t want that.

He kissed at her belly button, licking teasingly to earn a little squeak from her. He bit back a grin, meeting her eyes for just a moment before he traveled his lips across the constellations across her skin. Scars that resembled the way the shore gently dipped into the water, stretch marks that resembled the deep veins in flower petals and pink stars that had formed from being exposed to the sun. It was all beautiful to him. Real.

“I want you,” He mumbled against her skin, spreading her thighs softly as she sat up on her elbows. Her chest rose and fell as she breathed in deeply, her eyes meeting his for just a second before she turned and nodded her head, “Don’t be shy.”

“I’m not shy.” She whispered, defeating her point entirely as he positioned himself between her legs. He squeezed at her thighs, trying not to stare at her cunt for too long. He wanted to kiss at her, lick at her. But if he started at that then he knew they’d never leave this bed in time.

“You’ve always been shy,” He chuckled as he kissed her softly, rubbing his thumb across her clit, “You’re cute.” He added softly, hoping that she wasn’t insecure still. He wished he could tell her how much he had thought about her for the past three years.

She huffed in response, taking him by surprise before a bashful smile formed on her lips. He watched as she moved her hands to his bicep, holding onto him as he shifted his fingers around his cock. He exhaled deeply, giving himself one quick stroke before he slid himself against her hole.

The feeling of her cunt stretching across his girth nearly left him breathless, his mind fuzzy as he gripped her soft flesh in his hands. Her moans were whiny, higher pitched as he pushed his cock inside of her further and further. Until he was sure their bodies couldn’t get any closer.

“Billy,” She gaped, a symphony of melodies falling from her lips as she repeated his name from her tongue, “Feels so good.” She squeaked out, eyebrows furrowed together as she dug her nails into his bicep. Hopefully hard enough to leave a mark. He wanted to remember her.

He groaned in agreement, too high on the feeling of her slick walls tugging him in deeper each time she breathed in and out. He moved his hands to her face, moving her messy hair away from her face.

“You’re so beautiful,” He exhaled softly, savoring the little pink freckles across her skin. She was still flushed, lips pouty and full while her eyebrows fell together in pleasure. He balanced himself awkwardly, careful not to crush her as his chest fell against hers, “So fucking pretty.” He hummed, enjoying the way she turned bashful. He’d repeat it until she never thought less of herself again.

She crooned in response, eyes wide as she rocked her hips forward in response. She whined, gasping as he began to drag her against the curve of his cock. He exhaled, wanting to tell her that no one had ever felt so good wrapped around him before. No one had ever felt like this. Like them.

He groaned as he glanced down at the way her cunt inhaled his cock, clamping around him and squeezing so tightly that he felt weak. He huffed as he worked her along his length, savoring the sounds that fell from her lips as he dragged his mouth against her neck.

He knew he couldn’t leave any marks, but that didn’t stop him from licking and kissing at her skin. She deserved to be worshiped, molded into clay or froze in some sort of painting to be remembered forever. But no one would ever know her like he did. Truly.

“You’re my fucking whore,” He spit out, his words rolling off of his tongue as she moaned in response. Her nipples were brushing against his chest, nails digging sharply in his skin as he rutted his cock deeper inside of her, “You like that?” He hummed at her.

“Wanna be your whore forever,” She whispered as she dragged her lips against his, making his skin burn in anticipation, “You make me feel so good.” She squealed louder, their moans mixing together as the sound of her pussy squelching across his cock filled the room. It was dirty, filthy and passionate at the same time.

He brought his lips down against hers, kissing her deeply as he dragged his hands across her sides. She moved her mouth feverishly to keep up with his motions, her lips creating electricity between them. Kissing her left him on edge, made him feel reckless and safe at the same time.

“God,” She cried out, teeth dragging against his as she arched her body closer to his. He grunted, grinding into her deeper as the tip of his cock continued to drag across her bundle of nerves. She shook underneath him, clinging to him desperately as she came undone around him, “God! God, Billy!” Her gaze turned desperate, full of lust and desire as he kept the same deep pace as she crashed underneath him.

He ghosted his lips across her features, sighing deeply at her sweet taste as his cock ached in anticipation. He was so close, but he didn’t want to be. He wanted to stay like this forever, inside of her. A part of her.

“Fuck, fuck,” He cursed, pressing his cock deep inside of her as he felt the waves of pleasure crashing over him roughly, “Jesus, Kim!” He groaned, wanting her to remember that he wanted her just as badly. Her name felt so good rolling off of his tongue.

He collapsed over her, breathing roughly as she slowly began to rub her fingertips across the curve of his back. He kissed at the corner of her mouth, wishing he could savor the taste of her. He brushed his nose against hers, briefly wondering how different things could’ve been if he had just stayed.

“Wow,” She stared at him wide eyed, her flush clear down to her neck, “That was incredible.” She hummed, looking a little starstruck as he pressed his lips against her chin. Then her nose. Then her forehead. If he couldn’t have her later, at least he could savor this moment now.

“It was fun.” He replied once he’d had his moment, knowing that he couldn’t linger for too long. He didn’t feel guilty this time. He knew that Kim and him belonged to one another, even if Tommy was a dear friend of his. But he wouldn’t beg if she didn’t want him.

It was silent as he slowly sat up, removing his softening cock from her slick cunt as she turned her head in embarrassment. He paused, debating that it wasn’t too much to clean her up. So that’s what he did. Just like old times. This was nothing more than a little game between the two of them. That’s all it would ever be.

“Thanks,” She whispered hoarsely as she fixed the buttons on her dress once he was finished. He had already slid into his jeans, his shirt hanging off of his shoulders, “I missed you.” She whispered suddenly, taking him by surprise.

He snapped his head towards her, eyebrows furrowed tightly together as he took in the defeat that lingered on her features and on her body. She looked tired, like she had been beat down. He truly felt guilt then, wondering what he had left her to deal with on her own.

The sound of the front door opening rattled the both of them from their thoughts, leaving them scurrying to finish getting dressed before he made his quick escape. He had already been labeled as a fuck up, the last thing he needed was for everyone to know his was in love with his stepsister too.

The bad thing about being sober was that there was no hiding his true feelings towards her.

He sat to the corner of the room, a birthday hat loosely sitting on his head as he sipped on a can of Coke. He wished it was something stronger, but Tommy had been adamant that there was no drinking at a toddlers party. Unless you were sneaking out to get shots.

He’d thought about joining him and his former friends for a moment, before he had ultimately decided against it. Kim seemed so radiant as she hosted Nora’s birthday party. She was still quiet, still shy; but he could tell that she was trying to do something special. It was sweet.

“Nice seeing you here.” Max spoke up as she approached him, nonchalantly glancing around like she hadn’t seen him earlier. Neil hadn’t said much either. Or Susan. She actually seemed to have forgotten about him for a few minutes.

“Ha,” He answered dryly, “I didn’t mean to come back.” He said honestly, watching as Nora offered a piece of cake from her hands to Kim. He couldn’t help but smile, even if he did feel sick inside again. He wondered if she was thinking about him at all.

“Figured,” She mumbled, “You just remember your place. Because I am the favorite Aunt.” She replied as she pointed to herself, making him snort.

“Good thing I’m her uncle.” He reminded her, turning away once Tommy approached them again. He didn’t like to be reminded that they had a family he wasn’t a part of. Even though he’d forced his way inside.

“I’ve changed her diaper so that gives me a higher ranking.” She stuck her nose up, smiling like it was something to be proud of. He thought about it for a moment.

“I bet that went horribly for you.” He laughed as he shook his head, glad that he had missed out on that stage. It sounded too messy. He was surprised Tommy had made it through that.

“She’s cute,” Max said brightly, “I like having her around. You would’ve too if you had stayed.” She nudged him softly, making him raise his eyebrows in surprise. He didn’t think she would’ve cared if he had stayed or not. Their relationship had always been difficult.

“They got busy in three years.” He shrugged his shoulders, meeting Kim’s eyes for a fleeting second as Tommy kissed the side of her cheek. She burned brightly before she turned away and he was left wondering what she was thinking once again.

“Right after the wedding,” She clarified, “I don’t think anyone was expecting it that soon. Your dad swore that she got knocked up earlier and that’s why they got married so soon.” He turned towards Max curiously, thinking about what she had said.

It had been soon. Really soon. And Billy was not a complete stranger to what Tommy did in the bedroom. He raved about it enough that he knew that Tommy always wore a condom. Always. And that he had never really been a fan of children. But that didn’t mean it didn’t break or that his mind didn’t change.

But everything slowly fell into place for him to no longer question what he knew to be true. Why Nora’s eyes were a familiar shade of blue, the curve of her nose and light tone in her hair. Her age. Why Kim had given him a cold shoulder, avoided any questions about Nora’s looks. It all made sense suddenly.

Fuck.

Tags: @cassandracorvo @jessicar401 @mrprettywhenhecries

#Billy Hargrove #Billy Hargrove x OC #Billy Hargrove x Fem!OC #Billy Hargrove x fem!Original Character #Billy Hargrove x original character #Billy x Kim #cc x oc #AU #Now That We Don't Talk #Billy hargrove smut #Billy Hargrove fanfiction #Billy Hargrove fic #Billy Hargrove series #Billy hargrove x female original character #Tommy Hagan x OC #Tommy x Kim #Tommy Hagan

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evans23 · 11 days ago

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RICKMAS 2024 - DAY 14 - DECEPTIVE KINDNESS [C1]

Pairing : Elliott Marston x OC

Summary : She tried to escape her arranged marriage, but she found herself trapped with Elliott. Can she trust him ?

Tag(s)/Warning(s) : Arranged marriage. Some rude words. Racism. Racism towards aborigines. Tell me if I forgot anything.

A/N : I didn't proofread because I'm so, so, so behind and my brain is just like "Woman ! I'm tired !"

Also read on AO3 - Wattpad

When you were told you were getting married to Armand de Mont-Alban, you ran away. You never would have believed your father would offer your hand to another without asking you. You had always been his little princess, the one he let everything go. But apparently, not this time. You had some tantrum, threatened to throw yourself into the sea, but your father wouldn't listen. On the contrary, he had threatened to lock you in your room until the wedding day if you continued to make him go gray.

So, without hesitation, and with the discreet but kind help of your mother, you had fled Sidney. Your mother had given you the money she had saved up for years to help you join your uncle, his brother, in the Outback.

You had taken your business with you, the bare necessities, and you had joined the stagecoach that would take you to Adelaide. From there, another stagecoach would take you to Alice Springs. And finally, your cousin's husband would help you reach your uncle's house in the north.

At least, that was the plan, because once you arrived in Alice Springs, you learned that your cousin and her husband had left town for Katherine almost a month ago. The letter announcing it must have gotten lost, but whatever the case, you found yourself spending more than you had planned to be able to sleep. You had hesitated to leave again. The town needed waitresses and although you were not used to manual labor, anything was good to escape. Except that your father would come to get you there, you were sure of it and here, no one would protect you.

So, after talking to a merchant and giving him the rest of your money, you had managed to find yourself in a cart full of pigs to reach the town where your uncle lived. But honestly, pigs were worth much more than your fiancé.

Armand was a cold man. He came from a rich family, richer than yours, who had made their fortune in sheep's wool, then later in breeding prestigious horses. His father was a governor and his mother came from a long line of French aristocrats. If his mother was mannered, she was also very pleasant although she often lacked judgment about her son and even more so on the question of the aborigines.

His father was a rather pleasant man, always with a joke and everything seemed to interest him. But Armand... Armand had inherited a hot-tempered character, amplified by the fact that as a child, his mother had never refused him anything. And when he couldn't get obedience with a snap of his fingers, he used his hands.

After days and days of a hellish journey, you had finally arrived at your uncle's. The initial surprise he had when he saw you, all disheveled, your beautiful clothes rumpled and smelling of manure, evaporated to give way to a dull anger when you explained to him the reasons for your presence.

"Uncle, maybe you could have the marriage annulled. You are influential," you begged him, tears in your eyes.

Your uncle was probably one of the richest men in northern Australia. First thanks to his work, later thanks to the inheritance from his parents. Your poor mother had not been able to have anything of this inheritance and all the estates, jewels and bank account that was in the United Kingdom had returned to your uncle. A good sport, he had shared them with your mother and you too at the same time. But today, for the first time, you saw in this wealth a power that could help you get out of this arranged marriage that you did not want.

"I'm going to go to Sydney, see your father and this Mont-Alban. The father might be able to be convinced to abandon this union."

"Am I going to have to stay here alone ?" you asked him without even trying to hide your apprehension.

"No. I have a partner who is also a good friend. I'll explain the situation to him and I'm sure he'll let you stay with him while I'm gone. He's a cattle rancher who has influence here in the region. You'll be safe with him. But, [Y/N], please avoid being too quick-witted with him and above all, don't tell him your opinions on the aborigines. He's..."

"I get it," you grumbled, rolling your eyes.

"He's really smart, but his opinion on the aboriginal issue..."

"Is biased because despite his great intelligence, he's a bit of an idiot ?" you answered seriously.

"Yes, well, avoid the question with him, please."

You agreed without adding anything, already knowing that you were going to hate him. But it wasn't like you had a better solution, so you couldn't be ungrateful.

Your uncle had had no trouble getting Elliott to agree to you being under his protection. A nice, well-filled envelope and the promise that he would be given priority for the sale of his cattle had been enough. Elliott was his friend, but he was aa skilled negotiator and your uncle respected that.

"This is my niece," he said as he helped you off the cart."

"This is my niece, [Y/N]," your uncle introduced you.

"Mr. Marston, I'm delighted," you said politely.

Elliott snickered and you did your best not to make a scathing remark at him. In his eyes, you were indeed a well-bred little rich girl who had never known a single minute of work. And he was right. But he was wrong when he thought you must be a little prig used to ordering and getting things done.

"No sir here, sir, that was my father. I'm Elliott," he finally said before taking the suitcase that your uncle had just taken off the cart. "I'll show you to your room."

Elliott's imposing stature, mixed with his dark eyes and that mustache that gave him the air of a man of high society, impressed you right away. He made you nervous, but there was no way he would realize it.

You walked through the house which was beautiful, clearly demonstrating the man's wealth, even if it was far from the opulence of your own home. However, you did not mark the servant. Or rather the slave. An aboriginal. You clenched your fists, but true to your promise, you said nothing.

"Here is your room. It is the coolest in the house, even if it will be stifling most of the time. If you need a bath, Kunkurra is here for that."

He put your suitcase on the floor and left without another word. You settled in comfortably, thanking Kunkurra who seemed surprised but said nothing. Deep down, you hoped that this cohabitation would go well. After all, your uncle trusted this Elliott.

You couldn't be more wrong. You couldn't stand him. Elliott. He got on your nerves. He was arrogant, full of himself and racist. He didn't share any of your values and when he twirled his gun between his fingers like an Appalachian cowboy, you imagined him shooting himself in the foot and it amused you immensely.

You tried to eat before he finished his work so as not to have to share his table and you avoided being in the same room as him as much as possible. In truth, you spent most of your time reading and sometimes helping Kunkurra.

The slave had been surprised the first time you helped him with the dishes, but he hadn't said anything. You weren't like the other people on the estate. He liked you.

That night, however, you couldn't avoid Elliott who had caught you talking to his horse. He had been touched by this gentleness that wasn't apparent but seemed to be your true nature. He had then asked you if you would have dinner with him and you hadn't dared to say no.

All evening, he had asked you questions that were more than just polite. They were too specific. It was a little too much about your family's money too.

"Being a well-born girl, life must have been easier," he remarked as he cut his steak.

"It probably was. Until now," you replied without looking up from your own plate.

"You always got what you wanted, right ? It must be a change for you to play servant alongside Kunkurra. Washing plates is probably not something you did often at your parents' house."

You blushed slightly at his last sentence. You didn't know he had noticed you helping his slave.

"Indeed, I have rarely washed dishes in my life. But I have never desired an arranged marriage."

"With a rich man. Enough to have even more servants and to ensure you never break a nail."

"At least our servants are paid !" you spat, suddenly raising your head.

Elliott, for the first time since you arrived, saw something other than melancholy in your eyes. There was a fire under there, a bright fire that was ready to burn all of Australia.

"You men are all the same," you finally said, "to believe that obedience is better than happiness."

"I never said that," Elliott replied more quietly than he expected, "and don't be so quick to judge all men based on the ones you've known so far. This fiancé may not be so terrible after all."

"The first time he met me, he called me a 'mare to tame' but also that he would be happy to do it. Judge for yourself, Elliott."

After that, a heavy silence ensued and when you had finished your plate, it was without shame that you helped Kunkurra clean up the kitchen.

After that evening, you no longer avoided Elliott. You stood up to him, answered him back in kind and you weren't afraid to challenge him. And he liked it. No one had ever dared to speak to him the way you did, much less a woman, but you, you weren't afraid to speak your mind. You were different from the cocky little Lady he had imagined. In fact, you were even interesting. Sometimes.

Knock, knock, knock.

...

Knock, knock, knock.

...

Knock, knock, knock.

The door flew open, revealing a shirtless Elliott and for a moment, you couldn't take your eyes off his muscular torso. A scar on his stomach slightly intrigued you, but when his baritone voice started growling at you, you quickly came to your senses.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, WOMAN, IT'S..." he turned to glance at the clock on his dresser, "it's one in the morning!"

"There's something out there," you said quietly.

A noise had woken you up and trembling but determined you had gone to knock on Elliott's bedroom door.

"Maybe one of the men needed to pee," he replied, suppressing a yawn.

"It wasn't a man peeing," you replied a little frustrated that he didn't take you seriously.

"We're in Australia, my dear. We're surrounded by wild animals. They exist here, far from your nice houses in the city," he said without hiding his exasperation.

"What if it wasn't an animal?" you insisted, not reassured.

He sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes before finally returning to his room in a theatrical gesture to come out a second later with his gun.

"You never do anything without it?" you asked following him.

"My dear, if it's a thief, you'll be glad I took my gun."

He crossed the living room with you on his heels. Your hand was almost touching his bare back, you were so afraid of being left alone. When he opened the front door, he made a gesture to you to keep quiet. You nodded while continuing to follow him on tiptoe.

Arriving on the porch of the house, he fired once in the air, making you jump. It was then that an animal on which the moon made its light dance, making its red fur shine a little more, ran away at full speed.

"A dingo," Elliott said, taking your arm to lead you into the house. "And now that we're awake, how about some tea?"

Without waiting for your answer, he set to work. You refrained from telling him that you were surprised that he was able to do something domestic without his slave. Instead, you thanked him in a low whisper.

"Thanks for not laughing."

"Oh, believe me, that was hard," he replied with a small smirk.

You each sat down in an armchair, but Elliott didn't miss your gaze that often lingered on his bookshelf.

"You can borrow some if you want."

"Thanks," you replied a little surprised, "I like books. They don't lie."

Elliott stood up with the grace of a feline and pulled out a large volume that hadn't been read in a long time to hand it to him.

"This one is full of lies. A story of adventure in the wild west."

"If this story allows you to escape for a moment and forget about reality, then it's not a lie," you replied as you took the book.

Elliott looked at you, really looked at you for the first time. And for the first time, he began to doubt what he had set out to do.

"Mr. [Y/S],

Your brother-in-law has asked me to watch over your daughter while he attempts to cancel this marriage you have arranged for her.

You and I, I am sure, are pragmatic men. I understand the importance of this union to your family.

I will protect your daughter as I promised, until you come to collect her to offer her to her fiancé.

As a man of the world, I am sure you understand that a service, especially one as great as watching over your most precious possession, cannot go unrewarded.

I would very much like to expand my business with Sidney and the surrounding towns and I am certain that you and I, Mr. [Y/S] could help each other.

In the meantime, please accept the assurance of my highest regards.

Kind Regards,

Elliott Marston."

"Do you remember London ?" Elliott asked you as you helped him feed the horses.

"No. I was four when we left, my whole life is in Australia," you answered with a hint of nostalgia.

You and Elliott were talking more and more. In fact, you would almost dare to call him a friend. He was witty and he listened to your opinion. You often argued about the Aboriginal cause, but one night he surprised you by questioning your fierce need to defend them without prejudice or mockery.

"Why does your father force you to marry this man if you are his little pet as you say ?"

"For the sake of propriety. We are always a bit English, no matter where we are, aren't we?"

Elliott shrugged his shoulders

"My father was Irish. But my parents died when I was very young..."

That's when he explained to you. Everything. And you understood why he harboured such hatred towards the Aborigines. You didn't excuse him for what he did to them in return, but you thought that maybe all was not lost for this man. He could be fixed. He could learn. He could become better.

"My father always kept the values of the United Kingdom. He was strict when I was a child, but always fair and loving. My mother, she... well, I guess she always behaved like a good wife," you explained, stroking Elliott's stallion.

"Everything you refuse to be, right ?" he questioned without contempt.

"We are capable of being more than an obedient wife, Elliott. We can learn, we can do the same things as men. We are no less intelligent than you, and my friend Cassandra would be as capable as some of your men here. But there are very few men who are willing to see our values beyond tradition."

Elliott said nothing because he knew he thought like your father. Yet he found himself noticing your subtlety, your intelligence, but also your resilience and the way you had of hiding your vulnerability under a facade of calm and restraint.

And he was starting to blame himself. He thought about that letter he had written just after you arrived with the intention of posting it as soon as he went to town to buy food. But he was no longer so sure he wanted to do it.

If only. If only he had hidden it better. If only you hadn't been snooping around after your bath while he was making you dinner, proud to introduce you to one of his specialties. If only he had burned that letter as soon as he understood what that tightness in his chest meant when he saw you.

Then, maybe you would have never known that his kindness had been, at least at first, just a deceptive kindness.

#alan rickman #elliott marston x reader #elliott marston #quigley down under #rickmas2024 #evans23

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luxaofhesperides · 10 months ago

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Listen. I love the dcxdp crossover. It’s a lot of fun! There’s so much that can be done for this crossover, with all the characters and settings and the many plots that can spring up from them. But as much as I love writing for it and sharing my fics with the community, there’s been a significant uptick in things that are rubbing me the wrong way. Some of these things have to do with canon vs fanon, but others are more about the shifting culture of the community.

(keep in mind that I only see things on Tumblr and am not in any discords, so my experience will be different from others bc I have a more limited experience with the wider community)

(putting it all under a read more bc its long)

Let’s start off with a look at what we’re doing as a group:

Building off of completed fics on tumblr: I always thought the etiquette is to not build off of a completed work without permission. Someone had an idea and executed it, then shared it with us. It should end there. If you want to add to it, contact the author first and see if it’s something they’re fine with; some will say no, some will say yes, some will say yes but be sure to credit them for the original fic. A lot of what I’m seeing is a completed fic gets added on to in a way that completely takes it away from the original idea. Having experienced this myself (on a requested prompt from someone else, no less), I found it kind of rude. Maybe it’s just me, but a completed fic is not a prompt request or something open for building up another story around. It’s already completed. Leave the story as is and let the author know you liked it.

Expecting others to write for you: the prompts are what build this crossover fandom, in my eyes. Prompts are posted and people create something around them, either as a group by adding onto what other people are saying, or as individual fics that one person wrote. Now I’m seeing people throw out prompts that are basically fic outlines, then begging others to write something for it. Like, those prompts are already written! They have very specific details! Why not write it yourself? You’re already halfway there, you can just write the thing you want to see and post it. It’s not about being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ at writing, it’s about crafting an idea to share to the world. Why ask others to write it for you when you’ve already practically done it?

But also, you are not owed fic. This might just be general fandom burn out talking, but being a fic author who has been treated like a machine? It sucks. I love writing, but I share what I write because what I wrote made me happy and I wanted to share that with others. I’m not a content creating machine who has to pump out fic after fic for other people’s entertainment. I just want to share what I love and having people pop up in my notifs only going “write more/tag me/sequel?/etc” is tiring. I get that it’s coming from a place of love bc you liked the fic enough to want to see more, but please actually talk about what I’ve already written instead of going “update? More? MORE????”

Hostility to DC canon: I get that DC canon is a mess, but it still is a canon and has a lot of cool stuff! I’m seeing a lot of posts recently about how dpxdc people refuse to engage with the comics, and I need to let yall know that this is not a new thing. DC fans also refuse to engage with the comics (it’s mostly batfam) and it’s very easy to tell who has and who hasnt ready batfam related stuff bc the fanon is incredibly wrong about characterisation and what happened in comics. But that’s for a different post.

I’m seeing both sides of the argument (this is for fun, reading comics isn’t required, don’t like don’t read vs it’s tiring seeing people butcher my favorite characters into ocs with their name/face, I want to share my love for comics but there’s so much pushback, it shouldn’t be weird to expect people engaging with a media to have actually engaged with that media). And I think you should engage with comics! DP is a unique case in which fanon is for the most part better and more interesting than the original show (also death to the author/butch hartman), but DC comics shouldn’t be engaged with in that way. If you like the characters you see in dpxdc, you should read about them in comics! The whole point of a fandom is that you’re a fan of the original media. That’s why you’re engaging with it in this way, writing within the world and characters and canon.

I don’t know how people write for fandoms when they’re not familiar with the source material. I wanted to write dcxdp so I started rewatching DP. I’m reading comics. I want to know the characters and their stories so I can have a foundation to write from, and also to better understand the media so I can share my love for it. The refusal to engage with source material while engaging with its fandom is so strange to me.

Also dc fans who love the comics are great! In my experience, they’re very kind and willing to help you jump into comics! Don’t know where to start? Pick a character or team and follow them! Want a reading guide? We’ve got TONS. want thoughts on a specific character or comic run? Just ask!

Now to more specific points about what I’m seeing in dcxdp works:

Mischaracterized batfam: this is a group of people who are disasters and have complicated relationships with each other. They’re kind, wonderful people who bring out the best and worst in each other. Why is Batman always adopting people. Why is this a running joke with the batfam. I get it being a joke the first few times, but I’ve seen it so often and done like it’s accurate characterization that I just. I can’t. I leave that fic immediately. I can’t do it anymore. Batman is paranoid and tried very hard to keep kids away from him/away from being a vigilante. Unfortunately all the kids he got are stubborn and smart so he was doomed from the beginning.

Superman and Kon: you guys are pretty much only pulling from Young Justice Animated which I think is a terrible adaptation, but that’s my own taste. But seriously. Clark is kind. That’s an important part of his character! He’s the strongest man in the world and he’s kind. He was also dead when Kon first appeared as a experiment from CADMUS in Hawaii. They’re not father-son, but they are family and they do care for each other, once they get to know each other. Also Kon is not an angry broody boy, he’s funny! And annoying! pls read kon comics guys, i promise youll like his actual character

Chronos??? Guys. Chronos is not a god in DC canon. He is in Greek mythology, but in DC he’s a Captain Atom villain and he’s literally just a guy who got obsessed with having perfect timing. He’s themed around clocks. He has nothing to do with time travel or time gods. The Speedforce is Time, basically, and it is not human. It is an eldritch being beyond our comprehension that can eat people. If it chooses to have a human form, it’s going to choose to look like Bart. Please read Flash stuff, it’s interesting!

Lazarus Pit Madness lasts like 5 minutes in canon. Jason having it, and being affected by it for years, is a purely fanon thing from the dc side. Not going to say anything more on this because it goes into Jason Todd discourse.

Repetition: I’m sorry but I’m tired of seeing the same things over and over. I barely see anything out of the dcxdp tags thats new and fun to engage with. Everything is the same variation of “Danny helps Pit Mad Jason”, “Bruce insta-adopts Danny”, “Superman is mean to clones”, etc etc. Think of any popular dcxdp trope and that’s all you’ll see. I get why these are fun and popular, but the way it’s being engaged with now? It literally makes me exit Tumblr and put my phone down.

Not every prompt has to go down the same routes as the other prompts. Please explore more options, branch out, twist those tropes around to do something new with them. And also stop going onto other people’s fics and saying “what about [dcxdp trope]? Cant wait to see [dcxdp trope]! You should have [dcxdp] trope.” If I didn’t include it, it’s not included for a reason. There are hundreds of other fics that write specifically about those exact tropes. Read those, or write your own. (im being super bitter here but please just let me write what i want to write without trying to pull the story into another direction for a trope you like. Im writing for me, but sharing it for you. Not every fic needs those tropes in them.)

Tumblr specific things: this is less about the content and more about general posting etiquette. Please put long posts under a read more. If it’s more then three paragraphs, consider adding a read more if there is significantly MORE than three paragraphs. Tag appropriately. Content warnings and trigger warnings should be at the very top of the post and in the tags so they can be properly blocked. If you’re posting fic/prompt, please double check your spelling and fix any typos you find because posts that are filled with excessive typos are difficult to read.

There’s probably a lot more to talk about, but just getting this much out is tiring and, frankly, I don’t want to think on it any more today. If you reply/add comments, I won’t get to them in a while bc I will be writing ghostlights and yhk fic to lift my mood :)

#rambles #dpxdc #dc x dp #tentatively tagged for cataloging and blocking purposes #i will probably make more coherent posts later abt the individual things in here so if u want a discussion wait for those #just so its easy to keep track of what we're talking abt

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bensonsbobblehead · 2 years ago

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The Village it Takes

pairings; Spencer Reid x Mom!reader (ft Daughter!oc)

Spencer fakes his death ( basically how Emily did) leaving you and your 11 year old daughter behind.

Content Warnings; angst, sadness, talks of death and grief, fluff

a/n; Hiii, so so sorry about the wait, I've decided not to make a taglist because I don't know how and I don't want to do it the wrong way. Im also back active for a while now so please send request. {first , second}

[masterlist]

You held your daughter as she was shaking in your arms watching as Spencer ran to catch the elevator before it closed. You ignored him only squeezing Ronnie tighter as she calmed down. He hit the emergency stop causing Ronnie to cry harder burying her head into your chest.

“What the fuck Spencer? You're scaring my daughter." You never referred to Cameron as just "yours" until now, you knew how badly it would hurt him especially after seeing the shock in his eyes.

“Just listen, I’ve spent the last three years trying to get back to both of you. I hate that I missed so much of your lives especially you, my moon.” He grabbed Ronnie’s chin and wiped her tears.

He started calling her that on the long nights when she couldn’t sleep. Spewing facts about the moon with a little Cameron on his chest. Making her completely fall in love with the nighttime. Cameron had so many questions and ideas about the night sky and it was something special the both of them shared.

He never could wrap his head around why she loved his voice so much as a baby. Probably because of the countless hours he spent talking and reading to your pregnant belly at night or even over the phone when he was on a case.

“I begged Aaron to bring me back I’ve looked for loopholes for years so I can get back home to you both, You guys lost one person but I loss both.” He said with tears in his eyes, it was true this entire time was hard for Spencer. Not being there for his daughters birthdays and christmases. Missing your anniverises and birthday it was hard.

“I’m so sorry my Ronnie, you didn’t deserve this. I know I missed your ceremonies and games and I wish I could go back in time to change it all. I’m so sorry, Please accept my apology whenever your ready.” Looking at his daughter and taking in her beauty, he never wanted to hurt her.

She looked liked the both of you and was an even better person than you both. She looked up at her father with tears still falling taking a breath before speaking, “I just missed you so much daddy.” She buried herself into his chest and they both sobbed together.

“My life sucks without you in it, please don’t leave again. I wouldn't know what to do” the teenager begged,

“I won’t baby, I won’t” Spencer said rubbing the top of her head.

“Let’s go home” you said turning the elevator back on. You all headed to the car Spencer getting in the back with Cameron, holding her tightly, you watched them in the rear view mirror.

You had no idea how to feel. You had him back, your husband, your first real love was alive after three years of thinking he was dead. Yet you were still so angry at him and everyone involved for faking his death, especially Hotchner and JJ.

They watched you breakdown at family dinners that they were so kind to invite you to. Barley holding it together until Cameron was in the back chasing the other kids.

Aaron was there a lot, with Jack and Cameron going to the same school, he would take her on the days he knew you couldn’t handle it. You hated them, this all could have been avoided. Why not make us all disappear? Why just Spencer?

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you arrived at the house. All of you hopping out and heading in.

“Go shower and get ready for bed Ron” you said as you took of your shoes and sat your bag down.

“Can I sleep with you guys tonight?” She asked softly looking at you for approval, Spencer allowing you to answer.

“Of course sweetie.” You said as she smiled and headed to the bathroom, you waiting until she closed the door and started the shower before turning around.

“Y/N.. I have no idea about how you feel—“

Before he could finish your anger took over, you had never been this upset, especially with him. You smacked him again before you could stop yourself, and continued to hit him in the chest repeatedly.

His chest was bigger and stronger which made you even more upset, he was here, and you thought he was gone.

“Y/N, Stop!” He yelled grabbing your arms and pulling you into his chest. You fought back but he pulled you into his chest.

“No idea how I feel? It was so hard to breathe without you Spence. Raising a teenage girl who was grieving while grieving myself it was impossible. And you were still here? Jeez Spencer maybe a sign you were still out there?” You cried harder as he wiped your tears falling into his touch. It was like home no matter how upset you were, Spencer could and would always make you feel better.

“I’m so sorry, I hate that it happened this way. I fought y/n, every chance to get back to you and Cameron.” He broke down as you watched silently before you burst pushing him away.

“Not hard enough! Look, I understand it was to keep you safe and it worked and I’m so thankful for that but you weren’t here.

On top of the way Cameron was grieving, I almost didn’t make it without you.” Thinking of her first panic attack since his death and the long hospital visit that followed after. It was when you really saw the effects of grief. Helping her heal was your only priority but it took a toll on you.

Now wasn’t the time for that cause you finally let yourself go and buried yourself into his chest. You were one of the very few people to be this lucky. Your husband was dead but now he’s back and holding you tighter than ever.

“I know that was unbearable and I know I can only apologize. Y/n I promise I will never leave you or our daughter again.

I spent three hundred and seventy eight days away from you and I never want to again. You both are life and I was nothing without either of you.

I even sometimes wish I was really gone. The thought of never getting back to you guy’s consumed me. I’m just glad to be back”

He cried harder causing you to whisper sweet nothings into his ear. Your heart broke more for him knowing how much he struggled, he lost you both too.

“Don't say that Spencer, you knew you were coming back to us. I’m just so glad you’re home and safe.” you said pulling away to look him in his eyes. Moving to connect your lips, kissing him was always perfect. You fit into each other perfectly. You both pulled away as you heard the shower turn off.

“I love you Mrs.Reid.” He said kissing you on the forehead causing you to smile. You all continued to get ready for bed until you all were finally laying down, with Cameron in between you and Spencer.

This was the first time you genuinely seen a smile on your daughters face. You’re so grateful she has him back that you both have him back.

"Are you going to leave us again?' Cameron spoke up as you all watched the movie together.

"Because I don't think I would be able to handle it dad" her voice broke with a tear falling from her eye as she looked up at her. It was a good question, would he leave again?

"Oh honey, I promise I will never leave you again, it was a mistake to go without you both ill never do it again" he told her looking at you both so you knew too. You smiled at your wonderful husband still in awe at the fact he's home.

Cameron snuggled into her dad laying her head on his chest with you snuggling into her back. You all sat and watched your favorite movie Ron was fast asleep with you following behind. Before you fell asleep you heard Spencer.

“I’m so sorry I left. I love you both so much” as he leaned in to give Ronnie and kiss and then you.

“We love you too” you muttered as your eyes shut with a smile on your face. Having Spencer back was everything you needed.

#dr. spencer reid #spencer reid x you #spencer reid angst #Spencer Reid x daughter #Spencer Reid x mom!reader #Spencer Reid x daughter!oc #Spencer Reid dad #criminal minds daughter #Spencer Reid x you #Spencer Reid daughter #Spencer Reid x wife!reader #Spencer Reid

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akariamai · 7 months ago

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Romeo & Juliet [Part 3]

Paring: Jacob Black x OC!Swan

Word Count: 1,219

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

It felt as if the Swan household let out a silent sigh of relief as Bella was coming out of her slump. Bella no longer spent her days burrowing into her chair, looking out the window waiting for him. The last conversation their father had with her really brought her out of her slump. She was now spending time away from their old table and hanging out with her friends and even Jacob. Things were starting to get better and Sloan hoped it would stay that way.

She did notice prominent differences in her sister. Bella no longer loved music. In fact, she shunned it at every turn. Car rides to school were filled with dead air and the night before, Sloan found all of Bella’s CD collection in the trash. She fished them out from the garbage in case Bella changed her mind. Growing up, music was a way to escape their mother’s impetuous decision-making. They both found solace in music, and to learn Edward had taken away her safe place broke Sloan’s heart. For now, she would keep them safe until Bella was ready.

Sloan flipped through the channels, not finding anything of interest, and switched the TV off.

“I’m heading to Jake’s,” Bella hurried down the stairs, almost tripping on her untied shoelaces. They did not need another scare like the one that landed her in the hospital.

“Be careful,” Sloan warned. Bella was clumsy all on her own. She didn’t need external forces to turn her mishaps into full-blown disasters. “Would you mind if I tag along?” Sloan hadn’t seen or spoken to Jacob since their beach day. The two could go on for months without contact and immediately chat like nothing happened.

Bella’s body fluctuated from complete relaxation to tense rigidity. “Um…” It was a brief moment of awkward silence. Bella folded into herself as if she wanted to disappear, and Sloan grew more frustrated by the palpable tension in the room. The more they sat in silence, the heavier the air became, the weight of unspoken words and unresolved disposition pressing down on them.

“You know what, I changed my mind. I don’t want to go,” Sloan relented. She wasn’t going to beg when it was clear she wasn’t wanted. Bella clearly didn’t want her to intrude on their socializing session.

On one hand, Sloan understood. Jacob had become Bella’s safe space, and the dynamic would change, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t hurt by the exclusion.

Bella walked off without even muttering a goodbye. The slam of the door brought a stark realization of her profound solitude.

~~~

Weeks had gone by and Sloan heard from her father that Jacob was sick. It explained why Bella was acting so frantic, incessantly calling Jacob’s phone and Billy’s landline, in hopes Jacob would answer. She was acting like a crazy ex-girlfriend, hence why Sloan didn’t tell her about going over to drop off a get well card and homemade soup. She did not need Bella pleading to come along or disturbing Jacob’s peace while he recovered.

“How could you have gone without telling me?” Bella asked, with animosity dripping from her tone. “Did you see him? Did you talk to him? Why hasn’t he been answering my calls?”

“Bella,” Sloan began, “I only dropped a few things off. I didn’t talk to Jacob, I didn’t even see him. I only spoke to Billy and left. I stayed outside the entire time I was there. Jacob is sick. It’s probably something more than just mono, but whatever it is, Billy is worried it might be contagious.”

Once Bella realized Sloan didn’t have the answers she needed, she immediately went to their landline and called Billy’s again. “Hey Jacob, it’s me again. Just wanted to hear your voice…”

Bella was spiraling again. She tethered herself to Jacob, who made himself readily available to her in her time of need, but now that he needed space, she was lost. Edward really messed her up.

“Bella.” Sloan pulled her away from the landline. “Stop calling Jacob. Stop bothering Billy. Jacob needs rest, and hearing the phone ring several times a day is not going to help him recover any faster. He’ll get back to you as soon as he can.” Talking to Bella like a child had become an occurrence. She was just not getting it.

“Maybe you need some time to yourself. Away from Jacob,” Sloan suggested. “Spend some time with me. We haven’t had movie night in a while. Why not tonight? I can make us some popcorn and we can watch whatever you want.”

“I don’t want to be away from Jacob. Everything is better with him, easier,” Bella exclaimed. “It’s not the same with you.”

“You don’t mean that.” Sloan could feel tears bubbling up to the surface.

“I do,” Bella said, with absolute certainty. “I don’t want to spend any more time with you. I just want him.”

Him. Was she referring to Edward, her first love, or Jacob, the boy she had been co-depending on?

While the separation between Bella and Jacob was accidental, it had shown it was needed. Bella was co-dependent on others, more so on boys. Her behavior, Sloan noted, wasn’t healthy, and being away from Edward and Jacob only sent her spiraling out of her mind. It felt like Bella could not function without their attention. She would need to speak to their father about this revelation.

Bella had left soon after the end of their conversation, deciding it was beneath her, and Sloan knew Bella needed to find a better coping mechanism. She could not depend on others to fix her, to keep her from breaking.

~~~

Rain is a fairly common occurrence in Forks. Rain was nature’s way of restarting the cycle of life and Sloan’s routine of cozying up on the couch, watching a movie, and sipping on a cup of hot chocolate.

Listening to the sound of water droplets striking the roof and windows of the house always left her in a sleepy mood. If she wanted to watch a good portion of the movie, she would have to move quickly. She quickly brewed the hot chocolate while searching through her father’s DVD collection.

Once she picked ‘Legally Blonde,’ she wrapped herself in one of her warmest blankets. The house was quiet as her father and sister were out. Their father was working overtime tonight and would be back late, and her sister was somewhere doing God knows what. After their insightful conversation a few days ago, Sloan distanced herself from her.

Sloan heard the keys rattling and the front door opening. “Bella?” Sloan called out even though she figured it was her sister.

Without an answer, Sloan moved from her spot and called out again, “Bella, is that you?” When she turned to the front door, she could see her sister soaked to the bone. “Are you alright?”

“He doesn’t want me.” She whispered as her body shivered from the cold. Water was pooling beneath her in a puddle.

“What?”

“He doesn’t want to be with me.” She walked upstairs like a zombie, utterly lifeless, a trail of water following behind her.

“Make sure to take a warm shower,” Sloan called out before removing herself from her blankets and moving to clean up Bella’s mess.

Masterlist

#the twilight saga #twilight fanfiction #twilight saga #twilight #twilight jacob #jacob black #jacob black x oc #bella swan #twilight bella #twilight charlie #charlie swan #original female character #original character #oc!swan #twilight fandom

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promptsforyourwhumpfic · 2 years ago

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Whump Prompt #1081

TW: Suicide Attempts

Anon asked:

How are you with the prompt of a character... almost committing unalive before being stopped by somebody?

I think about this a lot. I’ve for sure written scenes like this (posted under the cut). I sort of live vicariously through it; it’s cathartic almost to receive the non-judgemental help from fictional characters when you yourself aren’t doing too well sometimes.

So prompts-wise:

Your character is embarrassed when they’re found. They’re so open and vulnerable that they can’ t help but feel awkward and uncomfortable when they’re found.

Is the caretaker angry? Are they shouting? Does this make your whumpee even more embarrassed?

Is the caretaker quiet - almost too quiet. Are they scared? Does your character feel shame for this?

Do they pass out before help arrives? How does the caretaker find them? Are they bleeding? Are they seizing? Are they choking? Are they drowning? Does the caretaker administer CPR?

Who sits in the waiting room? Who is kicking themselves thinking: “How the hell did I not see this?”

Instead of screaming “why did you do this?” your caretaker, with a sad amount of understanding, says “I’m going to help you.” They’re resolute. They don’t want your character to feel even more of a burden.

Does your character leave a note? Or do they just... get up and leave without the intention to harm themselves, but find that that’s where they’ve ended up.

Write that character spiralling. They go from numb to their skin prickling with overwhelming emotion.

How scared is your character when they inevitably wake up? Are they confused? Who do they wake up to?

If they’re found before they try anything; perhaps the caretaker takes them to a nearby restaurant; to get them food and out of the cold. Maybe this is where your character finally opens up.

This is an excerpt from my WIP book Hologram that I wrote a few years ago now. TW again for attempted suicide.

If anyone’s every interested about my OC’s feel free to ask...

"Is this it?" A voice from beyond the door questioned.

"Yes, but sir..." the doctor hesitated. "Just remember what we told you."

"He's not in his mind. I know."

"Just pretend you know what he's talking about, it'll make the transition smoother. We'll be down the hall if anything happens." A third voice warned, the tone of which Mitchell recognised as his doctor. The door opened and a figure stepped in.

The visitor had been warned about his friend; how he was no longer in his mind, how he'd been kept in a vegetative state for thirteen years... they warned him about how he'd look, and the visitor had steeled himself to stomach the image of his friend laying prone on the bed. At worst he expected a tube to be shoved down his throat: for his body to be corpse like and attached to a range of alien machines... hell he'd even pictured the idea of Mitchell's body carved open and stitched together under bloody bandages, his thin, pale white skin stretched over his skeleton and protesting against every flex of muscle.

Perhaps he anticipated a disturbing stillness that accompanied a person close to death and on the brink of collapsing into their own mind. After the initial explosion; when the visitor had to be hospitalised they told him they never found the body. He begged and cried but they insisted that his friend was gone; well and truly disintegrated into clumps of viscera that were washed away when repairs inevitably began on the building. He cried some more when they lowered an empty casket into his grave, he wasn't there, no, he was still laid up in hospital, but his absence then just sparked the desire for his presence now.

He had to be there for his best friend; he was the last tie to sanity he had.

So when he rounded the door into the private room, anticipating an older, corpse like version of his childhood friend, his heart sank when his expectations weren't met.

Instead, the events before him were so much worse.

See, when the short British man slithered into the room... he did not expect to see his own friend preparing to slice the veins on his wrist with a scalpel.

At his gasp, Mitchell's head swooped up and he faltered, staggering back so his bare skin was touching the plated wall. All wires had been disconnected, and hung loose over the edge of the bed. The scalpel remained firm In his shaking grasp. The Child’s eyes darkened as the visitor spoke, choking on his words at the fragility of the man before him.

"Hey Mitch." He stammered, paused just a few feet from the hunched over frame. Mitchell closed his eyes and huffed through his nose and angling his head away. The blade didn't move from where it was poised over his pulsing, black vein.

"Oh fuck off!" He groaned, "for Christ sake I thought this shit would stop after... for fuck sake, please just go away."

"Good to see you too." The brown haired man swallowed.

"You always see me, you won't leave me alone." Mitchell's sentence gave him pause.

"What do you mean?" He asked cautiously.

"'The fuck d'you think? You're dead and my fucked up brains been manifesting you and whoever else as a way to torture me. We had this conversation before, you dumb fuck!"

"Oh..." the short man sighed, "Oh man..."

He'd been warned about the simulated dreams, though no one knew for sure what occurred in them. Their heart shattered upon the realisation of the emotional torture Mitchell must have suffered as a result. When the fabric of reality is torn from underneath you like a rug... it was no surprise that Mitchell was grasping at threads; desperately trying to tie knots with his shaking hands.

"I just want it to stop." He uttered pitifully, the grip on his knife tightening further as he brought it closer to the blackened vein beneath the pale skin of his wrist.

"I'm sorry, but it all just needs to stop."

Out of options, and knowing Mitch wasn't the negotiating type, he didn't hesitate to dive forward and get a secure grasp on his arm.

And Mitchell stopped.

He stopped moving. He stopped breathing. His blood ran cold and his body turned rigid as though his joints were replaced with concrete. With wide, grey eyes he stared at the intrusive hand as though it had grown more fingers, he exhaled, shaky, as though terrified of moving. His face contorted in an expression of horror and bewilderment.

Mitchell could feel him. He could actually /feel/ him on his skin.

And he wasn't just a mental presence, his calloused fingers added a welcome texture, his skin was clammy with anxiety and uncertainty, and the grip felt tight and reassuring. The blond had to physically force back the tears as this - this was all real. Static crashed against the walls of his skull, sloshing and frothing as though trying to escape but he held on tight. He held on tight to the feeling and the reality he had been presented with. When his mind cleared a little, he uttered the first word that fell onto his tongue, the word that hadn't left him; the name that was always in his mind.

"J-Jack?" He stammered.

"Yeah?" The visitor ventured. "It's me, Mitch."

"You're alive." He stated, bewilderment thoroughly overtaking his grief stricken features.

"Yeah." Jago ‘Jack’ Davis said with a light scoff, his nervous energy forcing him to find the tragic situation humorous. "So are you."

"You're not dead. you're- you're actually real."

"Yeah, mate."

Mitchell launched into a bone crushing hug, scalpel since discarded on the tiled floor. It fell with a clatter that neither man heard.

"You're alive." He continued to babble. "Holy shit you're alive."

"I know, I'm here, god I missed you..." he said into Mitchell's tangled hair, wrapping his arms around his trembling torso.

"I missed you too." Mitchell said, returning the gesture as the floodgates opened and he allowed himself to sob un-apologetically.

"I missed you so fucking much." He hiccuped.

#tw: suicide #tw: suicide attempt #tw: self harm #tw: self destruction #caretaker #angst #hurt #comfort #writing #prompts #whump #vulnerability

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joanofexys · 7 months ago

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can you talk about any of ur ocs more??? :)) I love hearing about them ♡

oc time!!! again

Florian and Ilya time??? Florian and Ilya time

like I’ve mentioned before Flor and Ilya really butt heads in the beginning. Florian was a Raven and Ilya has not had good experiences with them at all. On top of that, Flor has an attitude intended to cover up his many issues and Ilya, while an absolute sweetheart, can dish it just as well as he can take it

it takes them a hot minute to get along and it’s largely because Jude gets sick of Mara and Ilya being at each other’s throats and begs Florian to play mediator cause he’s snarky but he’s nowhere near Mara’s level. They end up with an odd sort of truce. They have each other’s backs but they’re not really friends

The first big thing for them is when Mara decides that she’s done with the ravens partner system. She and Florian have been intensely codependent and while Mara’s reached a point in therapy where she’s ready to try and let it go, Florian’s really not. He spirals without the partner system. Emiko can’t take that spot. It’d be too unhealthy for her. She’s largely ditched the partner system but still spends majority of her time around people and keeping an eye on Mara and Florian. Jude adores Florian but he does think he’d go crazy being attached at the hip to the kid. Essentially, that leaves Ilya. Who is a mostly willing participant cause I swear he really is a little sweetheart.

Suddenly they’re attached at the hip fucking everywhere. Flor’s press duty isn’t with Mara anymore, it’s always Ilya. Ilya gets a little too far and Flor’s losing focus on whatever he’s doing to look for him and make he’s still within sight.

I don’t have them developed in the same way I have Merr and Jude just because it’s kind of hard for me to pinpoint when exactly Ilya and Florian get together but it’s still fun to think about.

Florian’s generally pretty affectionate regarding physical touch (regarding people who are willing to give it at least. he’ll rarely ever ask but he enjoys it) and so he and Ilya ended up touching a lot of the time. A brush of the hands, an arm around his waist, holding hands for a split second. It’s not uncommon to see them just pressed against each other, seeming to be literally attached at the hip.

I think when they get together there’s never really a label put on it. They spend so much time together that things just start happening. Suddenly they’re cuddling, then they’re holding hands, when Ilya asks if he can kiss him it just feels natural to say yes. They don’t define what they are but they know it’s exclusive and they’re not seeing other people and they also know it’s private. And for awhile they do a good job at keeping it from their teammates because to everyone else that’s just how they act. They keep it from the press even longer because their dynamic changes completely once they’re in front of a camera. Banter and insults and jabs about their performance on the court. People think they have some weird rivalry going on that carried over from their time playing collegiate exy against each other. It’s all in good fun for them though. They still snark at each other and bicker off camera too, but the difference is that’s the only part the camera sees of them.

I’ve mentioned before that eventually they end up on rival teams, when Florian’s eventually willing to let go of the partner system a lot, and it really fuels the idea that they hate each other. The two of them kind of get a kick out of it. Cause at first it’s not like they were even close to being friends so maybe once upon a time the media’s perception of them was closer to the truth but now it’s the furthest thing from it.

Ummmmm I’m trying to think of anything else I want to hit on but truly this has been sitting in my drafts for so long and I know I need to just post it soon. I’m so sorry, anon. Istg I wasn’t just ignoring you. So yeah this is very incomplete, nowhere near Merr and Jude level explanation, and maybe I’ll give a proper explanation of these two at some point. In the meantime this just needs to get posted because I’ve let it sit for like a week and I feel mean now

#asks #anon #my ocs #oc: ilya kostyk #oc: florian laska

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ash5monster01 · 10 months ago

Text

Goes On Chapter Seven

Pairing: Charlie Dalton x OC!FemReader

Warnings: 18+, depression, mentions of suicide, heavy topics, eventual smut, slow burn romance, fluff, gender themes/stereotypes.

Summary: Against his best efforts Charlie has to start at a new preparatory school after the tragic events that took place at Welton. The very events that led to the loss of his best friend and getting expelled in the first place. He has no plans to make friends let alone get close to anyone ever again. That is until he meets Evelyn and her interesting group of friends. No matter how hard he tries to push them away he finds it to be impossible. So he caves and in the end learns that life can still be enjoyable even if it feels like everyone is against you.

word count: 3.5k

Six ←→ Eight

Masterlist

Ridge Academy, NY

2/10/60

Once classes ended Charlie found himself walking to the schools pay phones, excited to call his friends, and see what they had been up to so far this week. It was the one thing he looked forward to. He wasn’t sure if it was because it made him feel closer to Neil or if he had gone so long without talking to them it was all he wanted to do. Either way he finally felt a semblance of happiness since the whole mess had happened and Charlie was just gonna have to make do, one phone call at a time.

Yet when he rounds the corner to find the line of pay phones he also finds the familiar girl with brunette hair cascading down her back and a soft smile on her face. He takes a moment to admire her, the way she acts fondly about the person on the other end, how her fingers curl around the coiled wire, as if the rest of her body was on autopilot. She was so God damn beautiful and Charlie was such a fool, a fool for not being able to let the old him out. The old him that would do everything in his power to charm her.

“Hey you” his voice is sultry smooth, arms caging her in, and landing on either side of the pay phone. She’s so close he can smell the strawberry shampoo in her hair and the faint smell of her rose perfume. She turns with a wide smile, eyes glimmering with amusement, face so close that if he moved forward just a few more inches he could kiss her.

“Oh that’s just some classmate of mine, thinks he has a chance or something” she says into the phone, devious grin flashing back at Charlie. He figures whoever is on the other end asked who he was and all he could do was roll his eyes at the girl.

“I know. If he bothers me I’ll let you know” she says with a soft chuckle and Charlie raises his eyebrows, glancing at the girl.

“Me? Bother you? No way” he mouths, a hushed whisper coming from his mouth and she bites her lips to suppress a laugh. The sight of it alone makes Charlie’s heart clench. After eating dinner with her that one night he had somehow let her in. Not close enough to bare his soul like he had with his own friends but enough to finally feel comforted by someone around here. He regretted not staying strong but Evelyn somehow was the exception.

“Alright, I’ll talk to you later. Love you” she says into the phone and Charlie raises his eyebrows in questioning again. Watching as she turns back around to hang up the phone, still caged in by the boys arms.

“Boyfriend?” he questions and she giggles out loud this time, warming Charlie over.

“Brother actually” she tells him and now he actually is more confused than before.

“He doesn’t go here?” he asks and Evelyn shakes her head.

“No he practically begged my parents to go to public school, plus he’s only eleven, so I don’t think they had it in them to mind. Babies of the family, they get away with everything” she says with amusement glimmering in her eyes and Charlie wishes he had grown up with siblings. It might’ve made growing up with his parents much more bearable.

“So if I bother you, you’re gonna sick an eleven year old on me?” he teases and Evelyn crosses her arms, shrugging.

“Possibly, he does have a mean swing. As his only sister, I would know” and that has Charlie laughing loudly, mentally cursing himself for still not asking the girl to the dance.

“I’ll take your word for it” he tells her and Evelyn grins right back.

“What brings you to the pay phones on this fine Wednesday afternoon?” she questions and Charlie smiles.

“Calling Todd, today’s his day” he says and Evelyn snorts which Charlie finds adorable.

“They have designated days? Is Knox only Fridays then?” she teases right back and Charlie shakes his head, brunette hair swinging.

“No Knox is Tuesdays. Friday nights he spends with his girl” and Evelyn doesn’t miss this way his eyes glance down at her lips when he says ‘his girl’.

“Convenient” she teases and he rolls his eyes at her once more.

“If you don’t mind waiting doll we can go grab some dinner after this” he tells her and Evelyn smiles, still basking in the feeling Charlie was willing to spend time with her.

“I was actually going to meet Nate for trivia on campus but you’re welcome to come” she says and Charlie chuckles, thinking of his room mate who had seemed very on edge lately. If he knew him better he would know why but he figured it was just school.

“I’ll walk you to it, trivia isn’t for me” he says and now Evelyn is the one rolling her eyes at him. Charlie just finds it cute though as he finally pushes himself up off the wall and reaches for the pay phone in front of her. She watches as he drops a few coins in the machine and dials a number familiar to only him.

“Yes, I’m calling for Todd Anderson” he says, raising his eyebrows at Evelyn who watches fondly. After a few minutes of waiting, Evelyn trying to poke Charlie and urge him to finish up already, Todd finally answers.

"There he is" Charlie grins when the familiar voice comes through the phone.

"Charles" Todd greets back with a grunt and Charlie can't help but laugh. He was sad his friend had come out of his shell after he was no longer there to see it. The things he would do to see Todd stand on that desk and stick it to Nolan like that. So much better than a phone call from God.

"How are you, turning in all your assignments on time I suppose?" Charlie teases, knowing Todd was still a goodie two shoes no matter how out going he had become. He could practically see Todd rolling his eyes now.

"Well yeah considering my punishment is to work study under Nolan for the rest of the year. I do all my homework in his office" and Charlie almost winces from the punishment because that must be horrible. That meant no study group with the guys and when you had a question you had to ask Nolan.

"The rest of the year, man all I got was my ass beat and pots and pans for two weeks" Charlie says recalling the punishment he recieved for his own big stunt. He couldn’t sit in his chair properly for a week but at least he had tried to make change. Evelyn just wears a confused look as he hears him say this.

"I guess outwardly disobeying Nolan is much much worse than asking for girls to attend Welton" Todd says which has Charlie laughing again.

"Yeah well much to Nolan's dismay, him kicking me out landed me in a school with girls. Joke's on him" Charlie jokes, looking at the only girl in this God forsaken school that he had somehow gotten close too. She wears a smirk, hearing him mention girls and she hopes more specifically her.

"I'm pretty sure the joke is on those poor girls. Charlie Dalton and his miserable flirting" Todd picks on the boy and Charlie doesn't have the heart to tell him that he had given up the flirting and confident act. That he was just as miserable as the rest of the world if not more.

"Miserable flirting, me? Never" Charlie tells the boy, and Evelyn gives him a confused look because this guy talking on the phone right now is still one she hasn’t gotten to know. Yet a flash of him appears when he spots the look on her face and reaches to grab a strand of her hair, curling it slowly around his fingers.

"Yeah right- Oh, here's Meeks" Todd says before the phone shuffles around.

"Hello Sir" his red headed firends voice floods through the phone and Charlie can't help but crack a smile.

"Meeks, where have you been? My Latin grade is rapidly dropping and my teachers are starting to wonder why" he says referring to all the times Meeks spent hours making sure Charlie not only finished his homework but at least understood it.

"It's a dead language Charles, they'll never question it" he says and Charlie feels that familair clench around his heart. The one that happens everytime he misses being at that school and with his friends.

"I suppose you're right Meeks, it must just be that I miss you bossing me around" Charlie says and he watches as the brunnete girl perks up in front of him. He actually still couldn't believe he told her about all of them. He just hadn't told her what happened to them quite yet.

"We all miss you Nuwanda” the boy says and Charlie smiles, losing his cool and confident act with his friends. Especially when they got sentimental like this.

“Yeah, I miss you guys too. We’ll try and make plans soon” and Evelyn doesn’t miss the sad look on his face and she realizes just how much he misses his friends.

“Okay, bye guys” he says one last time before hanging up the phone and flashing a smile her way. Suddenly he’s distracted, no longer the boy who was just teasing her.

“You got your ass beat?” Evelyn questions, hoping to bring back that smile on his face. When he chuckles softly she realizes it just might’ve worked.

“That’s a story for another time, let’s get you to trivia” he says, arm falling over her shoulders and ready to escort her throughout the school. Evelyn smiles softly at him and shocks Charlie when her hand reaches up and laces with the one hanging off her shoulders.

“You’re different with your friends you know?” she tells him and Charlie nods slowly.

“Yeah well, they’ve known me for my entire life. Never got a chance to hide who I was from them” he tells her and Evelyn sighs, loving her new friendship with the boy but hating entirely that he wasn’t himself with her still.

“Is that you admitting how you hide your true self from us?” she questions again as they round the corner, eyes on the rec room set up for trivia this week.

“It was never a secret Ev, I just have a lot going on” he tells her as they push through the door and before she can question him even further they both realize fairly quickly trivia is not what’s happening here.

Alone beside a table is Nate holding a poster. A bouquet of flowers and some balloons sit on the table beside him, his eyes are hopeful until they land on Evelyn with Charlie’s arm wrapped around her shoulders and fingers laced with her own. Evelyn takes a moment to register exactly what’s happening but when she reads ‘Ev, will you go to the Valentines Dance with me?’ she’s quick to remove herself from Charlie.

“Nate, what’s going on?” she questions and Charlie takes one look at him and realizes what he should of when he first started here. Nate is in love with Evelyn.

“Uh, I’m trying to ask you to the dance” he mutters, eyes darting between the two and Evelyn is approaching him, almost in a way to not scare him.

“Why?” she questions and Nate’s eyes are quick to dart to Charlie, embarrassed that the boy was here to witness this.

“I’m gonna go” Charlie mutters and is out the door lighting fast as Evelyn searches Nate for answers.

“I just, I assumed no one had asked you yet” he says, arm gesturing to where Charlie had just made his great escape. Yet Evelyn doesn’t get what he means.

Nate means that he had assumed Charlie hadn’t already beaten him to it but based on the way the both of them walked through the door he assumed wrong. Evelyn takes it as him being good old reliable Nate. Her dear friend who doesn’t want her to attend a dance on her own. Her friend willing to give up his own date to help her. She still doesn’t get that he’s in love with her.

“Nate that’s sweet you don’t want me to go alone” she starts, trying to reach out for him and Nate realizes quickly his mistake.

“No I-”

“But I’m hosting the dance, I can’t take a date. It’s kinda business for me, not pleasure” and Nate snaps his mouth close. There was no use fighting, he’d already humiliated himself enough. At least this way he knew Evelyn wasn’t going with Charlie either. In fact she wasn’t going with anyone.

“Oh, well in that case” he says, arms starting to wrinkle the poster in his hands that he felt stupid for holding.

“It was such a sweet gesture though. I’ll save you a dance even” she tells him and Nate shakes his head with a chuckle, tossing the now mangled poster in the garbage.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about me” he says and Evelyn gives him a soft smile before pulling him in a hug.

“You’re a good friend Nate and the next dance I don’t plan, I’m all yours” she says and Nate feels his heart shatter once more because maybe everyone was right. He had waited far too long and now he never stood a chance with her.

“Sounds like a plan” he says pulling back, trying to hide the sadness written all over his face. Evelyn just smiles before looking back at the door, he assumes for Charlie.

“Well since there really isn’t any trivia, I better be off to do some homework” she tells him and Nate nods, collecting the roses and balloons on the table.

“Okay, I’ll see you later” he bids her and she smiles and waves before scurrying back off. Nate sighs and looks at the flowers and string of balloons in his hands. With a swift movement he dumps them in the trash right along with the poster and officially gives up.

Not wanting to face his room mate knowing the rejection he just faced from a girl they both liked, he starts for the doors to the outside. Determined to spend the rest of the day moping in his self pity alone.

It’s dark by the time Nate makes it back to campus. Any later and it would’ve been past curfew. He still hadn’t gotten over what had happened and worst of all he no longer had a dorm to himself. He shared it with the very guy that was stealing the girl he loved whether he realized he was or wasn’t. Yet when he reaches the door and doesn’t see any light flooding out the bottom of it, he sighs a sigh of relief.

Slipping inside as quietly as he can he changes into some pajamas and crawls into his bed. He still feels the heavy weight of crying from behind his eyes but he wouldn’t risk Charlie hearing him. So he tried to get comfy, erase the image of Evelyn denying him and friend zoning him all in one go. There was no way now he could ever prove to her his feelings, he was already in too deep.

“You said you were just friends” Nate stiffens at Charlie’s voice filling the dark room, assuming he had been asleep this whole time.

“That wasn’t a lie” Nate responds after a moment and he hears Charlie sigh.

“You should have told me you liked her” and Nate wears a confused look even though Charlie can’t see it.

“Why, you clearly like her too?” Nate says, his voice clipped and holding an anger he didn’t want to take out on the boy because Evelyn wasn’t his property.

“Yeah but if you had said when I asked, I never would’ve gotten close to her. You don’t do that to friends” and Nate feels his heart break once more this afternoon because before Evelyn and Charlie, he was hopeful for a best friend and he had let that get away from. He had spent so much time resenting him to even realize Charlie might’ve finally let him in.

“We’re friends?” Nate can’t help but ask and Charlie chuckles in the night air.

“Yeah man, as much as I hate to admit it. I feel like a real shit one right now for falling for your girl like that though” and it’s finally out there. A confirmation and in the open for Nate to hear. Somehow it’s more comforting to know then harmful.

“I don’t blame you, I’ve loved her since I was thirteen. She’s one in a million” Nate says staring at the ceiling he can barely make out in the darkness.

“Why didn’t you tell her then? All those years ago?” Charlie questions and Nate shrugs into his sheets, thinking of thirteen year old him too scared to say something to her.

“I felt silly. We had been friends so long and I thought it’d be weird. After a while I just didn’t want to face rejection” Nate admits, knowing how lame he sounds. Charlie wished he could understand that, considering he told everyone exactly how he felt about them his whole life.

“This is coming from your friend, not the guy going after your girl, but you waited too long man. You became someone trustworthy to her, someone to always fall back on, reliable. Once a girl starts seeing you like that you become the guy she goes to when other guys hurt her” Nate knows it isn’t a bad thing but Charlie is right. You either become reliable in a relationship or reliable to the point of a brother, and that’s why getting out of the friend zone was so hard.

“So I shouldn’t have waited around?” he asks curiously, realizing Charlie was wiser than he expected.

“No man and you shouldn’t wait around for anything. We have one life, why waste it? You never know when it’s going to end so everyday spent waiting is one that’s lost! Carpe Diem! Seize the day!” Charlie rants, excitement hitching in his voice, and when his words resonate within him he freezes. For the first time since Neil had died that burning passion had found its way out of him and in its midst he realized exactly what he had been doing. He hadn’t been seizing the day, he was wasting it. Wasting it because he was heartbroken and if Neil could see him now he’d be pissed.

“It sounds like you know” Nate tells him, feeling the statement rattle around in his brain and hearing Charlie’s heavy breathing from across the room.

“I do Nate and no life is worth living if you can’t get the things you want out of it” he says, finally realizing exactly why Neil might’ve made the decision he did.

“Have you Charlie?” Nate asks and Charlie starts to laugh. Laugh at his own pure stupidity for wasting all this God damn time.

“No but I plan on starting tomorrow if you want to start with me?” Charlie asks and Nate grins from ear to ear. Evelyn may never see him the way he wants him to but he finally had a friend. One he made on his own. He could get over her with a friend.

“Yeah, plus I’d like to finally see you getting out there” Nate tells him and Charlie wears a matching smile that the boy cannot see.

“Can I tell you something Nate, something you won’t tell anyone until I’m ready? I just need to hear myself say it” Charlie asks, his voice desperate and pleading. All around sad and Nate can tell from across the room.

“Yeah man, whatever you need” and Charlie feels the tears pool in his eyes. He stares at his own ceiling and takes a moment to breathe.

“My best friend Neil died. He was just seventeen and when something like that happens you find life isn’t really worth living for if they’re not around” Nate freezes at the words, the truth hidden deep within the boy who had seemed so broken. Now he knew why.

“I’m so sorry Charlie. No one should lose anyone that young” Nate offers and Charlie smiles, his tears sliding down the sides of his face and into his pillow.

“Yeah but if he was here right now he’d be telling you the same thing. He didn’t want to waste a second of his life and even if he died so young I can promise you he didn’t” and for the first time in months Charlie feels a weight being lifted from his chest. The suffocating feeling he had lived with for so long.

“Carpe diem then” Nate says, finally resonating with Charlie and the truth that he carries. He was a broken man who was just trying to find his way. It can’t be easy to lose your best friend and be expelled all at once.

“Seize the day”

Taglist: @eden-punk @linmichea1 @pursuedbyamemoryy @mynameisjxlia

Comment if you want to be added to the taglist :))

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hydrangea-mon-amor · 2 years ago

Text

Visit me, will you?

Yandere! Male OC x reader

Trigger warning! Yandere behavior, obsessive behaviors, non consensual touch, forced relationship, forced proximity, Murder (message me privately if you feel I need to add more)

Side note — if you read the trigger warning and still were triggered by the content (or any that I’ve wrote) please message me ASAP and tell me about it. This goes for all of my works, but I do not mean harm writing these stories and the content of my blog are dark and heavy. I DO NOT condone this behavior and if any of you see yourself in a situation like this I urge you to seek help.

AUTHORS NOTE: please everyone if you see yourself in a situation even slightly like this I urge you to seek help and assistance. There are actual creeps out in the world that pretend to be kind and good but really just leech off of you. And with a closing note, I do note condone any of the obsessive behavior in this fic! There is a distinct line of fantasy and reality and this work is pure FANTASY.

Summary! Your boyfriend has a game tomorrow and coerced you agree to come. The next day at school your friends had enough of your constant absence and forces you to hang out with them. You ultimately agree because in truth: this is what you needed, a day with them and not your boyfriend. You did not expect your boyfriend to get wind of this and the fallout that ensues.

— AGAIN IF ANY OF THE TRIGGER WARNING I LISTED TRIGGERS YOU THEN PLEASE DONT READ FURTHER.

Your uncomfortable.

You try to lay steadily in your stalkers boyfriends bed, but with how tightly his hands are wrapped against you, you can’t find it in yourself to continue. It doesn’t help with the fact that he’s sloppily giving kisses to your neck.

“Hey, could we maybe switch positions?” You try to urge, but it only had the opposite effect. His hold on you tightens and he leans in closer to you.

“I like this position baby.” You adamantly cringe at the pet name.

“Will you come to my game tomorrow baby?”

You know you can’t say no, the last time you did your boyfriend got so upset he cried for two straight hours begging you on his knees to reconsider. Claiming that if you didn’t come you didn’t love him anymore.

“Sure, I’ll see if my schedule—“

He tightens his hold.

You can barely breathe.

“You will come, won’t you?” He asks in a sweet tone but you know the true meaning.

“I-yes I’ll come.” His hold loosens and he continues coddling you.

You pray that he’ll let you go in a couple of hours. Because even that is a blessing from him.

✎……. ✎……. ✎……. ✎……. ✎……

The day of the game your at lunch at your boyfriends table. Which If your honest is just the popular kids all together. You try not to make eye contact with your boyfriends ex-girlfriend Valery. Her family is said to be really famous doctors with a hospital in your city. You don’t think she gives two fucks about you because honestly, she looked happier.

You would be too if you weren’t here.

“So Jaydee excited for the game?” Oscar, one of his best buds asks.

“Of course man, especially since I got my amazing boyfriend/girlfriend to come watch. You’ll cheer for us right honey?” You nod sheepishly. You can see his friends laugh.

“Nah, they made you their bitch man. You can’t go two seconds without talking to them.”

“Or fucking them.” Jaydee adds. You jab him at the shoulder. A silent plea to stop whatever he was doing.

“Aww look, you are embarrassed. Come on sweet cheeks, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” He kisses you lightly on the head.

You want to decapitate him.

“Anyways,” Valery is the one to switch topics, and deep down your glad it’s her. “On the topic of the game, when is it going to be held?”

“8:00 pm, and our coach is deciding to be an ass about it. He’s making us practice until then. Can you believe that? Almost six hours of practicing?” Some of his teammates share in his complaint. You’re not sure what to expect when he turns to look at you. “Will you watch me at practice? I’ll make sure to put in my all if you’re there. You know how happy I get.”

“So happy your broke a kids leg from the adrenaline.” You say under your breathe. But it doesn’t go unnoticed. But you know the real reason. Jaydee, your boyfriend, decided to break his leg because he noticed him looking at you and smiling. It wasn’t even more than one glance but in your boyfriends eyes it must have been thousands. He got away with it because for 1. He’s the quarter back and 2. Everyone in his team loves him. Especially is coach. You don’t think they know that he did it on purpose, and your not sure if you do.

“Oh yeah! I remember that day, Tyler had it coming if I’m honest.” Oscar gloats.

“Tyler definitely had it coming that day.” Jaydee adds not a second later.

Tired of this you decide to make a last ditched effort to leave. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” You inform.

“Okay, guys I’ll be right back I’m going to walk them off.” He gets up from his seat and readies himself to walk with you.

“That won’t be needed.” You tell him.

“But—“

“Jaydee, I know where the school bathroom is, I’ll be just fine. You don’t have to loom over me like a helicopter. It’s not like I’m going to go anywhere.” You stare at him, he stares at you.

“Come on man, just let them go. What’s the worse that could happen?”

“A lot.” He says under his breath.

“What was that?” Valery questions.

“Nothing.” He looks at you again, leans into you, making it look as if he’s going to kiss your cheek. “Let me go with you baby. You know how crazy I get if I can’t have you side by side with me. You don’t want let’s say Oscar to be my next blood bag would you? Let me come with you and nothing bad will happen.” He whispers in your ear. Softly touching your cheek with his hand.

“And if I don’t?” You whisper back, curling your fists.

“You wouldn’t want to know what happens. Trust me.” He leans out, holding your hand and smiling at you. His friends look expectant of an answer.

“On second thought,” it’s torture for you to say these words, “I think I would like to have Jaydee with me.”

“Really! Thank you honey I knew you wouldn’t upset me!” He pulls you into a soul crushing embrace. Swinging you side to side, you decide to just deal with it.

His friends grimace, “okay we get it you two love and fuck each other all the time! Get a room will you, wouldn’t want to disturb your momentum.”

“Aye aye coach.” Your boyfriend replies. His voice muffled from his face being smushed into the crook of your neck. You can’t believe how you got yourself into this situation in the first place.

You can’t deal with this so you simply take the lead and start walking, your boyfriend trailing after you like a lost puppy. Once he catches up to you he snakes his hand around you waist and kisses you on the head.

“Let’s take the long way.”

“Why?”

“Because then I can be with you longer.”

Of course, you think.

“Jaydee, I’ll be quick.” His lips turn into a pout. “Jaydee.”

“Babyyyyy” he whines.

“Jaydee, like I said I will be quick. Stop acting like a baby and wait.” You try to pry his hands away from you but he doesn’t budge.

“I’m only a baby for you.”

“Clearly” you mutter to yourself. You try not to let his sometime cringe behavior get to you but goodness is it hard.

From the corner of the hallway two girls emerge and once they notice the lean build of your boyfriend they come rushing down. You silently thank whatever god you believe in, thinking that this is what will give you leeway to leave. You know the girls well. In the past they were known to have massive crushes on your boyfriend and you’re thankful that their obsession over him isn’t over. It gives you hope that he’d leave you for one of them which would mean that you would finally be free.

Jaydee’s hold on you tightens.

Of course with their not so secretive crush your boyfriend would surely hear wind of this. You know how many times he’s vented to you about them, the many times he complained about them to you. But you had hope. You hoped he would like them one day and stop caging you in like a bird.

“Hello ladies.” He greets. A practiced smile on his face. Then they both lean in to give him a hug, even surprising you. You assumed the gesture caught him off guard because he then lets you go. You don’t waste this opportunity and bolt to the nearest restroom. Letting him deal with the two girls.

However, when you get inside the bathroom you notice the silhouette of two familiar students. Your heart rate picks up. When was the last time you hung out with them? When was the last time you hanged out with your own friends? Your hand instinctively reaches for the doorknob but you can’t bring it in yourself to leave. You can’t bring it in yourself to leave the people that were with you since day one. And if things couldn’t get worse their gaze fallows yours. Now you all stand there, unblinking and unmoving. Unable to do anything expect just take in the others presence.

“Y/n?” One of them calls, almost like a question. Their voice soft and sweet and so completely welcoming. It takes everything in you to not cry. You can’t understand how they are still so sympathetic to you.

“Hello…guys.” You are sheepish and you wish to curl into a ball. You remember the countless times you rejected their offers to hang out in favor of Jaydee. The guilt crashes down onto you like a wave and it almost drowns you.

“It’s been a while.” Your other friend says.

“It has, hasn’t it?” You agree.

The air is still for a while, none of you say anything for a protracted moment. Until your friend can’t handle it anymore and bluntly blurts out:

“Hang out with us. Come to the movies or something, play video games with us or fuck it take a walk with us just spend some time with your friends. Ever since you got a boyfriend seven months ago you been ignoring us like the plague, rejecting invites, blowing off our calls, ditching us—“

“And it’s been torture ever since!” You blurted.

“Y/n…” you seem to realize of what you just said.

“Never mind forget I said anything.” You turn to leave when you feel a hand clasping around yours.

“Movies at 8:00pm. Take it or leave it. But please take it.” You stare at them. They just had to pick the time that syncs with your boyfriends game.

“I’ll…think about it.” Your friends shake their head.

“No Y/n, you are coming.”

“But—“

“No if’s or buts you’re hanging out with us and that is final. No more screwing us off in favor for you dipshit of a boyfriend.”

“I—okay fine. I’ll come.” You turn your back with your friends smiling off their victory.

You step outside the bathroom your boyfriend waiting patiently. His feet tapping against the floor tiles, arms crossed and a ticked off expression.

“Those two bitches tried to get my number.” He states. Tugging you into his embrace. “You know how hard I had to try to get them off of me, how many time I had to remind them that I was already taken and belonged to someone else? That i belonged to you. But nooo, they wouldn’t let up and I just got so mad that I guess I kind of lost it.” He chuckles bitterly. But you start to get scared, and rightly so.

“Jaydee…what did you do?”

“Don’t worry about it baby, let’s go to class yeah? The bell is going to ring in a few minutes.”

The school day ends with Jaydee walking you to your locker. His arms on your shoulder matching your pace. When you first started dating him you thought it was cute but now you’re just revolted by it. But you don’t attempt to break up with him anymore, not after what happened the last time.

“Come to my practice in preparation for the game yeah?”

“Jaydee about that, I’m actually busy. Sorry but I can’t come.” His face drops.

“But…why? Was it something I did, why won’t you come?” You scan the area, grateful no one is in the hall you two are in.

“It’s nothing you did I just have plans.” He seems to prick up from this.

“Plans? With who? Where? Why? Why are you ditching me baby? I thought you loved me, I thought you loved us!” He’s getting more desperate now. Both of his hands on your shoulders, gripping you like he’ll die if he won’t. “I-I’ll get you anything you want! N-new shoes? I’ll just get my sister to buy it for you, she’ll understand. I-I promise! Please just come! C-come cheer me on! And then when the game is over we can go back to my house and play a movie and c-cuddle! Y’know, like what we always do!”

“Jaydee we always go to your house.”

“I don’t care you like it better, and it’s bigger.”

“Never thought you were the materialistic type.”

“Course not, my type is you.” You may have fallen for that if you actually loved him.

“Jaydee, I’m not going to be able to make it.” You try to say for the last time. He looks as if he is contemplating.

“Fine.” You’re shocked.

“Really?” He nods his head.

“Consider it a reward. You’ve been good since…the last time.” He’s referring to the time you tried to break up with him and leave. Like he would let you do that twice. “But,” he moves to hold your hands “you will come to my game. Promise me you will.” You clench your fists. Damn your friends, couldn’t have they pick a different time to watch the movie?

“Jaydee I’m sorry but—“

“Promise. Say that you will. I need to hear it, I need to hear you say that you’ll come. I think I’ll die If I don’t. You don’t want me to hurt myself would you baby? Of course you won’t, you love me! You wouldn’t want to the future father of your kids hurt because of you, now would you? But even then, if I did hurt because of you, I’d still love you. With. Every. Fiber. Of. My. Being.“ the worst part is, you don’t doubt him one bit.

“And If I don’t?”

“Then you won’t like the aftermath of what happens.” His attention is driven elsewhere when he notices his coach waving him over. “Have to go now sweet cheeks, meet you at my game?” You shakily nod. “See? That’s the angel I know.” He presses a kiss to your cheek before jogging off.

Do you listen to him and go to his practice to then sit through his game? No, you decide to listen to your friends and hang out with them instead.

✎……. ✎……. ✎……. ✎……. ✎……

You arrive to your house late into night, a smile widely spread across your cheeks. You’ve forgotten how fun it was to be with your own people instead of trying to fit into a friend group that you don’t belong in.

The whole time you were out not once have you used your friends. That is for two reason, 1. You didn’t want text messages disturbing your time with your friends and 2. You specifically didn’t want Jaydee’s texts filling your messages. Undoubtedly Sues that he would be inconceivably mad and irritated.

However when you decide to go to the bathroom you hear a ding on your phone. You decide that it’s time you finally check what’s been going on, but when you do you feel your heart sink.

JAYDEE AKA MONSTER: baby where are you? I don’t see you amongst the crowd.

JAYDEE AKA MONSTER: baby you said you’d come, why can’t I see you? Are you running late.

JAYDEE AKA MONSTER: sweet cheeks please respond I’m getting worried, I’ve asked everyone on my team if they saw you they say they haven’t.

JAYDEE AKA MONSTER: honey our game is going to start in a few minutes if I don’t see your face in the crowd I’m going to be upset. You don’t want me to be upset would you?

JAYDEE AKA MONSTER: baby?

JAYDEE AKA MONSTER: why won’t you answer me!

But none of these messages could amount to the absolute fear you feel from the last one.

JAYDEE AKA MONSTER: wow honey, I can’t believe this. Valery told me everything.

Delivered 10:17pm.

You fucked up. You know you fucked up. You look at your phone again, this time three little dots pop up making you aware that Jaydee has definitely seen that you’ve read his messages and he still has one last thing to say.

JAYDEE AKA MONSTER: Y/n, if you don’t want to be punished more than I intend to then I suggest you walk to my place now.

You don’t question him one bit.

When you get to his front porch you knock on Jaydee’s door five times. A few minutes later his sister opens the door, the famous model Dante.

“It’s you.”

“It’s me.” You’re sheepish. Dante looks behind her.

“You should get in before things get worse for you, Jaydee is not happy.” She leans back into her house and holds the door while you walk inside.

You forgot how mentally deranged his whole family is. You remember hearing a rumor in the news that Dante herself kidnapped someone. You don’t have the guts to ask her personally though.

“He’s in the basement.” Dante tells you, a popsicle in her mouth.

“Oh uh, thank you.”

“You won’t thank me after what you’ll see. That’s for sure.” You try not to let her words get to you but you also don’t take her lightly.

You’ve been to Jaydee’s house multiple times before, times where you were actually proud to call him yours. When this house felt like a second home, and you actually loved him.

You tiptoe until you get to the door that leads to the basement. Already you smell a metallic stench.

This isn’t good.

“Jaydee? I’m here! Please—please don’t do anything so rash.” Your voice is meek. Actually, you don’t think your voice had enough volume to it to be heard by anyone. You tiptoed quietly until you’ve reached the bottom. You wait a few minutes, and you don’t see the presence of anyone in here. But the metallic stench reeks the air and fills your nostrils. You can hardly bare it.

“Baby!”

You whip your head around.

“J-Jaydee? Is that you?” You can’t help but stutter. Your boyfriend is covered from head to tow in blood. His face is smeared in red and his clothes drenched. There is a steel knife in his hand, that too coated in blood.

He pouts.

“What? You’re saying you don’t remember your own boyfriend? Aww baby you’re so silly. If I didn’t love you the way I did, I think I would have gotten offended. Could thing I’m not though, right?” You stare at his blood soaked body and knife.

“Jaydee I don’t think this is—“

“Come come! I have something to show you.” He doesn’t give you time to speak, already he is tugging onto your arm. You use your free hand to clog your nose. He leads you to a cleared out space in the basement. For the hundredth time in this relationship your heart drops.

“Tada! Do you like my present?” In two tied chairs sat two people bound in ropes. Their eyes are gouged out of the sockets, layers of skin skinned off and in some areas burnt. Their bones are cracked in odd angles and pieces of muscle sliced from their bodies. If it weren’t for their clothes you’re not sure you would know who they were and the significance of them.

They were you friends. And Jaydee had just killed them. Tears prick at the sides of your eyes, how can you even begin to comprehend this? And worst of all, how can Jaydee look at you like this was your fault? A smile ear to ear plastered on his face. He finally drops the knife and in its place he reaches for you. He pulls you into his embrace, the blood on him now coating onto you. “Your reaction is enough to show me this was an adequate way to punish you. It’s okay, this is all you have to go through tonight. I promise I won’t make you feel like a burden in our relationship anymore.”

Burden?

You’re too caught up in your emotions that you haven’t even realized you’ve said that out loud. “That’s why you decided to not be with me today isn’t it? I give other girls and guys too much of an idea don’t I? That’s why you’ve decided to hang out with those…hindrances, because I wasn’t giving you enough attention right? Don’t you understand baby? I had to do this, I had to get rid of them. This is a testament to my love for you, don’t you get it? This was all for you.”

“But this wasn’t even about other people—“

He squeezes you tighter.

“Don’t you get it baby? I don't give a fuck about all the other girls, I've rejected them, all of them. You know why? Because I want you. The only person I need, really need is you. I love you darling.”

You cry bitterly into his shoulder.

“Oh, I almost for got to tell you. I have a final game next week, it’s supposed to close this season. Visit me, will you?”

#yandere #yandere blurbs #yandere male #yandere original character #yandere scenarios #yandere x you #reader x yandere #obsessive #Jaydee B Hallaghar x reader

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