#I just wanna cry myself to sleep
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lesbianphan Ā· 8 months ago
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kimetsu-chan Ā· 3 months ago
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Iā€™m gonna be out most of the day bc Iā€™ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so Iā€™m going to be super duper exhausted
I donā€™t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like Iā€™m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isnā€™t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc itā€™s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I donā€™t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! šŸ˜£)
#But yeah :)#hopefully Iā€™ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (įµ•ā€”į“—ā€”)#lol Iā€™m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informativeā€”#Edit: uh so I donā€™t know whatā€™s wrong with me this morning#But itā€™s already starting to go to crap unfortunately#Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself itā€™s selfish to talk about how I feel#Idk Iā€™m just messed up man#Feel like crap#eating earlier didnā€™t help it just made me feel worse#I donā€™t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help#And I donā€™t think I have a choice for the outing#And school tmrw :(#I donā€™t wanna do this I really font#I think Iā€™m breaking down#Yeah Iā€™m breaking down#<- thatā€™s dramatic Iā€™m sorry#Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day#Bc omg I have things I need to do! I canā€™t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I donā€™t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I canā€™t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I donā€™t wanna go and Iā€™d cry-#-in front of him and I donā€™t wanna cry in front of people#I hate this so much#i wish I could just poof into nonexistence#šŸŒ¾#<- atp itā€™s a vent#Edit 3: Iā€™m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isnā€™t working
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dogboner Ā· 7 months ago
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personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"
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vitamin-zeeth Ā· 5 months ago
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thing is the state of labour is so piss poor I can barely revel in the Tories getting fucked. yay we're not at absolute rock fucking bottom any more I guess.
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hauntedwoman Ā· 2 months ago
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literally had to give my mom the entirety of my bday money so that i can use the car again and see my boyfriend when i want
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jesusbutbetterrr Ā· 10 months ago
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that-was-anticlimactic Ā· 8 months ago
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just donā€™t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you canā€™t
#and that youā€™re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why canā€™t you??? cause theyā€™re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i canā€™t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Canā€™t and i havenā€™t liked anything iā€™ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now iā€™m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how iā€™m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldnā€™t compare myself to my friends but gosh itā€™s hard when theyā€™re all like. so much better than me.#and i donā€™t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like iā€™m watching everything from afar and itā€™s no oneā€™s fault but#my brainā€™s like no one is Doing anything itā€™s just my brain being dumb and i canā€™t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like iā€™m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write donā€™t matter gOD why canā€™t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that iā€™m not on much like iā€™m still Here and trying to interact itā€™s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and justā€”#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i donā€™t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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saeshiraw Ā· 1 year ago
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tired girl hours iā€™m just ranting bcos i donā€™t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing thereā€™s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. weā€™re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or weā€™ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#ā€œis this all im ever going to be?ā€ im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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ct-offical-sexyman Ā· 16 days ago
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Ah haha FUCK YOU SOCIAL ANXIETY
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rubiesintherough Ā· 3 months ago
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#(( ooc. ))#.... so#if youre wondering why ive been so absent lately. ots bc im dealing with stuff like that. on top of handling everytuing around the house#and additional super stressful family drama#health scares caused by stress#the works. i feel like im a constant state of mindfuckery and i have been since we moved#thoght things would improve after getting away from MIL but apparently not#ive been so exhausted and stressed and pain has bee. spiking so bad#im really trying to be here bc writing has always been a calming thing for me like a fun distracting hobby#to get my mind off irl things but everytime i open up a reply i start crying#bc the words arent there and im too tired to even tupe bc im running myself ragged#and on top of that im dealing with hubby and whatever the f is up with him and the weird#180s he does where 1 second hes the sweetest most attentive guy ive ever known and the 2nd#im crying and apologizing for doing sometjing weong and i dont even inderstand what i did but hes upset at me#and somethings suddenly my fault#or im begging him for help around the apartment or smth#idk. i am really trying to be here i swear i am. i miss you all. i miss the stories we're writing together#i miss by bbys and wanna weite with them bc theyve been loud and active but i iust cant type what i want to#a single paragraph is taking me hours to get out no joke#idk. sprry for dumping all this on the dash out of nowhere im just kinda flailing right now and offkilter#gonna head off to bed and see if an actual good nights sleep for the first time in a week helps with my brain and makes things make sense#hope you all have a goodnight. sorry again for this#negative tw#negativity tw#venting tw#personal tw
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coconut530 Ā· 1 month ago
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Bump in the Night & Sleeptober Day 21: Black Dog & Room Below
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bruciemilf Ā· 1 year ago
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let me give you biiiig hug you look like you need it šŸ«‚šŸ«‚šŸ«‚šŸ«‚šŸ«‚šŸ«‚šŸ«‚šŸ«‚šŸ«‚šŸ«‚
Tyyy
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djevelbl Ā· 1 month ago
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I'm tired of trying to rummage through the dwindling search results just so I can maybe find something new to read ā€” I've been in the fandom for years, I partially grew up with it, it's basically part of my identity, it carried me through some of my worst years as of now, and it's horrible to see it slowly die day by day. It's no one's fault ā€” after all, I get why people would want to leave, and why they'd want to erase every trace of having loved these characters, the internet isn't forgiving once you've fucked up; there's no nuance and no mercy, so I get it.
But I'm not ready to leave yet. I don't think I'll ever be.
I want to keep growing alongside these characters, I want to live as they do and smile when they do ā€” cry and laugh and feel whenever they do. Yet now I have to come to terms with the death of this fandom, the one that saved me (for as dramatic as it sounds) and the one that cradled me when I needed a hug. The one that made me feel a little less alone in what I loved, the one I wanted to explore until I died.
I have to come to terms with it's death, I have to come to terms with the fact that one day I won't have any new stories to read. I don't think I can do that without breaking.
The thing is: there's no other fandom that has grabbed me this hard ā€” this fandom felt so versatile, so malleable; we could write about space the same way we could write about fantasy and superheroes and its canon. We could write about the olympics and dance academies and slam poetry, and no one would bat an eye; it feels harder to do all of this with other characters. I haven't found anything to fill the void this fandom is leaving, and I fear I never will ā€” I know it's only been months, but I thought this would last forever! I thought I'd keep growing alongside it and I know this must sound stupid, some random person on the internet mourning an online community of all things, but it helped me: I felt held and accompanied whenever I opened a new book, I spent days imagining what my favorite characters would do in whatever story I was thinking of writing next, I started so many books that I'm not sure I'll ever finish writing, and somehow I don't mourn those the way I mourn the fandom as a whole. I felt seen in a way I never quite did in real life, because in the community there were other people who shared the same passion for the characters that I did, and I didn't have to explain it all to them so they could understand ā€” they already did! They created and lived and grew up with it the same way I did, and for once I hadn't felt like the odd one out of the group, the one with the weird interests that no one cared about because they were inaccessible to others.
And now it's fucking dying. And now I gotta mourn it all
I feel aimless, like I'm just drifting through the motions ā€” I never had much going on, still don't have a lot going on (hell, I probably have even less going on right now) and I know that doesn't help me in moving on. Maybe I need to start going to therapy again, maybe this is just the denial in the grieving process ā€” but I'm tired. I finally had a taste of how it was like being within a big community that understood me and got what I liked and enjoyed the same things as I did, and I don't wanna go back to being isolated in my interests.
And to think this whole... I don't know man, thing spawned out of not finding many books I wanted to read. I feel dumb. I feel pathetic. I'm sad and angry and so heartbroken. The null sleep I got through the night is probably not helping. I should go to sleep I think
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medusa-was-innocent Ā· 2 months ago
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Wow this sucks
#Iā€™m literally gonna cry wtf#Iā€™ve been trying to get back into writing so I was going through some old journals and reading the poems I wrote back in 2015#and I left my favorite pages sitting on top of my notebook on my bed and my familyā€™s dog came in while I wasnā€™t looking and destroyed it all#like theyā€™re completely gone#some of the few pieces of writing from my teenage years that Iā€™m actually proud of and wanted to revisit and itā€™s completely destroyed#Iā€™ve found 2 scraps and theyā€™ve got about 4 words in total#this was multiple pages full of writing#this is so discouraging I donā€™t even want to write anything now#like I started taking an online poetry workshop last week trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and maybe possibly move in the#direction of trying to get some of my poems put out there#and Iā€™ve been in a huge writing slump for the last like year#and I was hoping this might get me out of it but now I donā€™t have any motivation to do it#I just wanna cry#I canā€™t go back to being a teenager again I canā€™t rewrite the way I felt back then#and now itā€™s really gone forever#Iā€™m so sick and im working 3 jobs and I just want to be creative again but Iā€™m tired#and Iā€™m about to get hit by this giant hurricane#Iā€™m really overwhelmed I think this was just the straw that broke the camels back#brb gonna go cry myself to sleep over lost poetry#sorry this is me venting feel free to ignore this#vent post#will probably delete after Iā€™ve gotten more than 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep
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skitskatdacat63 Ā· 10 months ago
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Every boy king painting is just like: hey guys fo you wanna see the same idea rehashed over and over again?
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rainxdewsupremacy Ā· 2 months ago
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Iā€™m so done, Iā€™m tired I donā€™t wanna be here anymore I wanna be someone else, I wanna run away, I wanna die, I wanna just idk anymore Iā€™ve reached my fucking limit I canā€™t anymore I really canā€™t idk what to do I do what I wanna do idk where to go idk who to talk to why wonā€™t some people just respond.
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