#I just wanna cry myself to sleep

[lesbianphan]

//

[kimetsu-chan]

I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted

I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people

I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;

so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)

[dogboner]

personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

[hauntedwoman]

literally had to give my mom the entirety of my bday money so that i can use the car again and see my boyfriend when i want

[jesusbutbetterrr]

.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

[cerealmonster15]

IM STILL AGONIZING OVER IT i even checked and i think the ONLY TIME I briefly BRIEFLY mentioned was in ch3, a short mention of silver falling asleep on kalim's shoulder. so like at least i didn't 100% forget it at all but like i def forgot A Lot

[rubiesintherough]

.

[coconut530]

Bump in the Night & Sleeptober Day 21: Black Dog & Room Below

[bruciemilf]

let me give you biiiig hug you look like you need it 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Tyyy

[djevelbl]

I'm tired of trying to rummage through the dwindling search results just so I can maybe find something new to read — I've been in the fandom for years, I partially grew up with it, it's basically part of my identity, it carried me through some of my worst years as of now, and it's horrible to see it slowly die day by day. It's no one's fault — after all, I get why people would want to leave, and why they'd want to erase every trace of having loved these characters, the internet isn't forgiving once you've fucked up; there's no nuance and no mercy, so I get it.

But I'm not ready to leave yet. I don't think I'll ever be.

I want to keep growing alongside these characters, I want to live as they do and smile when they do — cry and laugh and feel whenever they do. Yet now I have to come to terms with the death of this fandom, the one that saved me (for as dramatic as it sounds) and the one that cradled me when I needed a hug. The one that made me feel a little less alone in what I loved, the one I wanted to explore until I died.

I have to come to terms with it's death, I have to come to terms with the fact that one day I won't have any new stories to read. I don't think I can do that without breaking.

The thing is: there's no other fandom that has grabbed me this hard — this fandom felt so versatile, so malleable; we could write about space the same way we could write about fantasy and superheroes and its canon. We could write about the olympics and dance academies and slam poetry, and no one would bat an eye; it feels harder to do all of this with other characters. I haven't found anything to fill the void this fandom is leaving, and I fear I never will — I know it's only been months, but I thought this would last forever! I thought I'd keep growing alongside it and I know this must sound stupid, some random person on the internet mourning an online community of all things, but it helped me: I felt held and accompanied whenever I opened a new book, I spent days imagining what my favorite characters would do in whatever story I was thinking of writing next, I started so many books that I'm not sure I'll ever finish writing, and somehow I don't mourn those the way I mourn the fandom as a whole. I felt seen in a way I never quite did in real life, because in the community there were other people who shared the same passion for the characters that I did, and I didn't have to explain it all to them so they could understand — they already did! They created and lived and grew up with it the same way I did, and for once I hadn't felt like the odd one out of the group, the one with the weird interests that no one cared about because they were inaccessible to others.

And now it's fucking dying. And now I gotta mourn it all

I feel aimless, like I'm just drifting through the motions — I never had much going on, still don't have a lot going on (hell, I probably have even less going on right now) and I know that doesn't help me in moving on. Maybe I need to start going to therapy again, maybe this is just the denial in the grieving process — but I'm tired. I finally had a taste of how it was like being within a big community that understood me and got what I liked and enjoyed the same things as I did, and I don't wanna go back to being isolated in my interests.

And to think this whole... I don't know man, thing spawned out of not finding many books I wanted to read. I feel dumb. I feel pathetic. I'm sad and angry and so heartbroken. The null sleep I got through the night is probably not helping. I should go to sleep I think

[medusa-was-innocent]

Wow this sucks

[skitskatdacat63]

Every boy king painting is just like: hey guys fo you wanna see the same idea rehashed over and over again?

[rainxdewsupremacy]

I’m so done, I’m tired I don’t wanna be here anymore I wanna be someone else, I wanna run away, I wanna die, I wanna just idk anymore I’ve reached my fucking limit I can’t anymore I really can’t idk what to do I do what I wanna do idk where to go idk who to talk to why won’t some people just respond.

[icyfox17]

Someone please tell me why hugging my stepmom makes me wanna burst into tears