#I just think it would be funny if their lives were such a phenomenon that a crappy porno was made

[winbred]

Sam Winchester and Dean Winchester find out there is a porno based on ‘Supernatural’ and Dean insists they watch at least the beginning dialogue together. They’re watching it together, drinking a beer and laughing at how cringe everything is until Sam walks onscreen and they both realised they casted a female porn actress as Sam. Dean is losing his shit and 'Sam' is in utter shock watching this unfold, too caught up to realise their characters are flirting with each other and by the time Dean’s stopped laughing and Sam humiliation calms down they realise porn! Dean and Sam are making out and stripping in front of them.

[httpisaoki]

AN IMMORTAL'S LOVE — teaser

sypnosis. for centuries, yu jimin has been living life bored— the same townfolk, the same corrupt nobles— if ever, killing mortals seemed more entertaining than whatever life she was living. did she care? No, the dutchess grew to forget every sense of humanity until, a nobleman's reader catches her attention— who says she can't entertain herself for a while?

tags. non-idol! au; vampire! karina; reader's gender isn't specified; mostly written; aespa au; set in the 1800s; slight royalty! au;

warnings. inappropriate language, suggestive themes, angst, blood and killing (?) mentioned, karina is very sadistic (at first), reader's essence feeds into her obsession, karina isn't sane!

aoki's note. wow, new teaser! xd (might be back..)

She found it funny. No, hilarious, that a mere mortal like you would have the scent she’s been longing for centuries.

Karina has always been hard to impress, but you? You don’t even have to try.

Your record, your status, your mere personality— most importantly, your essence, all check the vampire’s desires. You were perfect for her.

She knew she had to have you as hers after spending thousands just to get information on you despite how frustrating it was considering how private you were, but it piqued her interest. A game of cat and mouse, she calls it.

Except you don’t even know of her existence.

Living in tranquil, complete oblivious to her obsession with you— all the times she had 'innocently' entered your life in multiple scenarios, you never paid attention to her antics— and it irked her to no end.

In the present time, she sits in her manor, holding the pieces of paper her right-hand man— All containing your latest whereabouts. You were a puzzle, she thinks. A puzzle she wants to solve. Having made her decision, she nodded to minjeong, a satisfied gleam in her eyes that intimidated the assistant no doubt.

“I want the mortal by tonight. Be discrete, I will have your head if you hurt them.” The vampire orders, her voice echoing through the walls of the manor.

—

You don’t remember a thing, only a vivid memory of running some errands, and then your vision went black. You had no idea what was happening, but you knew you had to do something. Now, you stir awake, waking up in a dark room— in a chair with your hands tied to it, completely unaware of the presence behind you.

To the older woman’s surprise, the first thing you do is scan the room, before you calmly place a tug on the rope that bonded you. Interesting, the woman notes, a smirk gracing her features as she steps closer— her beginning to turn crimson as your scent fills her nostrils.

“You really are quite the phenomenon, darling.” She murmurs, placing her hands on your shoulders, a cruel laugh escaping her throat when she feels you tense.

“Are you afraid, my darling?” She whispers, her breath fanning your ear. She’s too close for comfort, but she’s enjoying your little reaction to her presence far too much to pull away.

“Don’t fear. I have no plans of harming you,” she assures, tracing the rim of your earlobe with her cold finger— a chuckle leaving her lips at the feeling of you flinching from her touch.

Her hands snake along your neck, before moving up to caress your cheek.

“I only want you as mine.”

[jazeswhbhaven]

THE PURPOSE OF THAT TALISMAN | Zagan L-card React | Summary

Alright ya'll it's the first react of the year! I'm finally getting around to going over this sweet devil's L-card!

I'm happy he was the first one to get this opportunity because he's actually the first noble I fell for during the launch! I was intrigued by his bunny ear horns and he's selectively mute.

With that being said, because this is a Nightmare Pass exclusive, I of course cannot give you EVERYTHING that's inside the card in order to keep within the wishes of PB's content rules, but as I did with previous NP cards, summaries with heavy paraphrasing with a few screenshots are the best I can do~

I'd like to thank my friends/mooties for sharing their cards with me so I can continue doing these reacts <3 Ya'll are amazing

💙Summary💙

At the local pub in Gehenna, all the devils are gathered together in order to view a popular convention in Japan (they call it Cumiket in the game but iirc it's Comiket, right?)

There's rumors that it's Paimon who went down to Earth to whisper about the devil's lives in Hell to influence a few humans to make a game about it and well...MC asks Paimon to confirm or deny that and he gives a "Maybe I diddd <3" answer (love this)

So while MC is chillin' at the VIP table consisting of Sitri, Leraye, Paimon and Zagan (Ppyong too) they wait for the results to come in

Funny mention is that the citizens of Gehenna totally do not know where Abyssos is, and I find it funny that it seems to carry throughout the story that the other local citizens have nothing but general ideas and rumors to go off of on how each country acts, but the Kings and some nobles are knowledgeable and for good reason.

It's also cute to me though that the nobles that were in the lead for the popularity contest were Foras, Bael, Sitri, and Zagan. All the devils from all over Hell were tuned in to see who would win.

It's then...that the winner is revealed! Zagan!?!?!

The winner gets to be a model for Phenomenon, similar to when we saw him for all of the selfie cards. This time though we meet two new characters Usako, and Nesagi. (I really love their designs) it appears that they are Pheno's assistants!

Also, we see that Phenomenon threatens and literally beats up(and stabs) his assistants for the smallest of things, it's funny because we were just seeing him getting bent over and turned into a pretzel in Asmo's selfie card, but in this story he's pretty much a strict, abusive boss. 💀 Usako and Nesagi seem to not mind.

It was also important to note, that MC was also chosen by Pheno to join Zagan in the photoshoot. And it's not just any normal photoshoot. We are aware of Pheno's preferences when it comes to photography and he wants to capture a whole new side to this devil thinking MC can help with that

It turns out, that yes...MC can help and Zagan is more than willing to show a new side of himself in front of them. With the help of talismans.

The smut is actually pretty well written for Zagan's personality. He's calm, confident, and at the same time so needy for MC's touch. You also notice that during this entire time he's been speaking to MC in longer sentences and opening up.

There's also a pretty strong power bottom vibe that comes from him. Because even though MC is on top of him, he's calling the shots from below. He even writes the amount of times MC came on his thigh. (w h y is he so hot? fcuk)

So after he pretty much fucks MC into a messy fluid puddle, Phenomenon starts takin' photos like crazy as he's finally satisfied with his subject now. He completes the magazine cover and MC gets their own private VIP photos of them having sex. There's a cameo of their clothes on the cover too.

and that's pretty much the entire card

💙Screenshot Highlights~💙

He's so goofy, I love him.

Pheno and his assistants. They are so damn adorable! I love the mask designs too, I might mess around and find myself wanting to cosplay one of them.

The longest he's been talking, and these are his thoughts in battle. Goodness this is why he's one of my favorites 😩

h a w t

g i m m i e z a g a n pp

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MEEEEEE

?????!?!!!!!!!!! And this was after he said no???????

Me everytime I read this as I imagine him saying it to me while creaming on his c a w k

Pheno was takin' pictures while MC and him were fuckin' but Zagan is so goddamn romantic....the way his mannerisms are during sex are that of a true lover that wants to be lost in you forever and he admits that. His actions are loud too wen the fun is over (he really didn't want to stop)

I wonder...if this means they will do another "model" L-card for someone else? Only time will tell.

Psssttt: Click here to see what he's packin' btw I would not hesitate to sit on it and him coming because he's being stimulated by the brush is so simple yet so hot for him?

💙Date Story/Chat Summary!💙

This is shortly after the contest is over and the magazine cover was debuted!

Zagan hadn't had any privacy since then, and with that it was hard for him to see MC. SO Ppyong makes it happen by distracting the fans, and then they meet!

Zagan is honest during the date, though still having "some" trouble expressing himself through words. There are moments where he tells MC that he couldn't wait any longer and he had to see them.

This is what I meant by that desperation and neediness mixing in with the right amount of dominance during intimacy is a perfect balance for someone like him!

Also, this date story is quite perfect for Zagan fans, as he's so fucking romantic he even takes MC to the first place they met in the main story. His expresses his feelings have never changed and it was love at first sight.

Also the term...."I'm watching you..." seems to be referring to the VIP picture they both received and yeah....spank bank material!~

Zagan is truly a cautious and cute noble. From posting boring videos of him grinding food (which honestly could count as asmr material) and not being sure how to get Satan to stop sending out the magazines to other countries in mass amounts without overstepping ranks in power, just so cute.

It also appears that his neck seems to be a private area to him which is why he prefers it covered by his hair. (I will kiss him there >:3)

We also get to see that Zagan easily gets jealous. It's not a aggressive jealously like Satan, but it's more of a "you know other men? 🥺" kind of jealously where you want to pinch his cheeks and tell him he's being cute.

Also...

yeah high-ponytail Zagan is doin' something for me (honestly I think I like Zagan so much because the white long hair reminds me of Sesshomaru and he doesn't speak much either and both of them are hot and idk i'm losing my brainnnnn to the rootttttt)

💙Overall Score: 10/10 💙

For Zagan fans this was a really fluffy and romantic card. The smut was written appropriately, and we got to see more of Zagan's personality come to light.

A major con of this though, is that in order to even get this much of lore for any characters that aren't either PB's favorites or L-grade...is behind a damn paywall. Like I get it? But at the same time I just want more info on my faves to further fuel my headcanons. That's all.

The adore mode movements are good, however his expressions don't seem to match the energy of the VA. This may have been a slight miscommunication somewhere, perhaps the VA was going off of how Zagan's personality should be, therefore personality= check, matching the sexual energy= not so check...

That's more of an observation for me but that may be a major bother for someone who was looking forward to the card's content.

Well today was pretty much the last day to try and get him so my react is late for a recommendation on if one should get it or not, BUT I will say that if you are a Zagan fan and didn't get him this time around, I suspect they'll bring him back for a future banner and you should try and snag him if you can.

But that's it from here! four days into the new year ya'll, hope it's goin' well for everyone! ^^ next up should be Luci's Blow card...so stay tuned <3

-💙Jaze

(Ppyong's fanclub holds a special place in my heart)

[sophaeros]

arctic monkeys for q magazine, june 2011 (x) (x)

ARCTIC MONKEYS: Inside Alex Turner's Head

Words Sylvia Patterson Portrait John Wright

The day Arctic Monkeys moved into their six bedroom, Spanish-style villa in the Hollywood Hills, where the first-floor balcony looked over the patio swimming pool, they knew exactly what to do.

"From the balcony, you could get on t'roof and jump in't pool," chirps the Monkeys' most gregarious member, drummer Matt Helders, in his homely Yorkshire way. "We looked at it and said, That's definitely gonna happen. So by the end, we did a couple of 'em. Somersaults in t'pool, from the roof. At night time."

In January 2011, as Sheffield and the rest of Britain endured its bitterest winter in a century, Arctic Monkeys capered among the palm trees, eschewing hotels for a millionaire's Hollywood homestead as they recorded and mixed their fourth studio album, Suck It and See.

The four Monkeys, alongside producer James Ford and engineer James Brown, lived what they called the "American man thing": watched Super Bowl on giant TVs, played ping-pong, hired two Mustangs, cooked cartoon Tom And Jerry-sized steaks on barbecues on Sundays, had girlfriends over to visit, all cooking and drinking around the colossal outdoor kitchen area featuring a fridge and two dishwashers. Living atop the Hills, they could see the Pacific Ocean beyond by day, the infinite glittering lights of downtown LA by night.

Every day, en route to Sound City Studios, they'd travel in a seven-seater four-by-four through the mountains, via bohemian 60s enclave Laurel Canyon, blaring out the tunes: The Stones Roses, The Cramps, the Misfits' Hollywood Babylon. For the sometime teenage art-punk renegades whose guitarist, Jamie Cook, was once ejected from London's Met Bar for refusing to pay €22 for two beers, the comedy rock'n'roll life still feels, however, absolutely nothing like reality.

NICK O'MALLEY: "It were really as if we were on holiday. When we came back it's the most post-holiday blues I've ever had!"

JAMIE COOK: "It's hard to comment on that. It were just really good fun."

MATT HELDERS: "We always said, As soon as things like that feel normal, we're in trouble. But it's just funny. You might think it would get more and more serious as you get older but it's getting funnier. We've done four albums now and I'm still only 24, I'm still immature to an extent. So who cares?"

Alex? Al? Are you there?

ALEX TURNER: "Yeah, it were good times. But we were in the studio most of the time. So there's no real wild Hollywood stories. Hmn. Yeah."

Wednesday, 16 March 2011, Strongroom Bar, Shoreditch, East London, 11am. Alex Turner, 25, slips entirely alone into an empty art-crowd brasserie looking like an indie girl's indie dream boy: mop-top bouffant hair which coils, in curlicues, directly into his cheekbones, army-green waist-length jacket, baggy-arsed skinny jeans, black cord zip-up cardigan, simple gold chain, supermoon sized chocolate-brown eyes.

Almost six years after I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor became the indie-punk anthem of a generation (from the first of Arctic Monkeys' three Number 1 albums), and nothing prepares you for the curious phenomenon of Alex Turner "in conversation". Unlike so many of the Monkeys frenetic early songs, he operates in slow motion, seemingly underwater, carrying a protective shell on his back, perhaps indie rock's very own diamond-backed terrapin. The most celebrated young wordsmith in rock'n roll today talks fulsomely, in fact, only in shapeless, curling sentences punctuated with "maybe... hmn.. yeah", an anecdotal wilderness sketching pictures as vague as a cloud. He is, though, simultaneously adorable: amenable, gentle, graceful, and as Northern as a 70s grandpa who literally greets you with "ey oop?".

"People think I'm a miserable bastard," he notes, cheerfully, "but it's just the way me face falls." Still profoundly private, if not as hermetically sealed as a vacuum-packed length of Frankfurter, his fante-shy reticence extends not only to his personal life (his four-year relationship with It-girl/TV presenter Alexa Chung, whom he never mentions) but to insider details generally. Take the Monkeys’ Hollywood high jinks documented above: not one word of it was described by Turner. Before Q was informed by his other Monkey bandmates, Turner’s anecdotal aversion unfolded like this:

Describe the lovely villa you were in. AT: "Well... we certainly had a... good view."

Of what? AT: "Well, we were up quite high."

The downtown LA lights going on forever? AT: "I dunno. It was definitely that thing of getting a bit of sort of sunshine. Is it vitamin D? If you can get vitamin D on your record, you've got a bit of a head start. So we'd get up and drive to the studio."

What were you driving? AT: "Nothing... spectacular. But yeah, we'd drive up the studio, spend all day there and sort of, y know, get back. To be honest... we had limited time. So we spent as much time as possible kind of getting into it, like, in the studio.

So your favourite adventures were what? AT: "Well, they were really… minimal. We were working out there!"

Any nightclubs or anything, perhaps? AT: "You really want the goss 'ere, don't you?"

Yes, please. AT: "I could make some up. Nah!"

And this was on the second time of asking. It's perhaps obvious: Alex Turner, one of the most prolific songwriters of his generation (four Monkeys albums and two EPs in five years, The Last Shadow Puppets side-project, a bewitching acoustic soundtrack for his actor/video director friend Richard Ayoade's feature-length debut Submarine), is dedicated only to the cause – of being the best he can possibly be. He simply remembers the songs much more than the somersaults.

Throughout 2009, Arctic Monkeys toured third album Humbug – the record mostly made in the Californian desert with Queens Of The Stone Age man-monolith Josh Homme – across the planet. While hardly some cranium-blistering opus, its heavier sonic meanderings considerably slowed the Arctic Monkeys' live sets and on 23 August 2009, Q watched them headline the Lowlands Festival, Holland and witnessed a hitherto unthinkable sight – swathes of perplexed Monkeys fans trudging away from the stage. With the sludge rock mood matching their cascading dude-rock hair it seemed obvious: they'd smoked way too much outrageously strong weed in the desert.

"Heheheh, yeah," responds Turner, unperturbed. "That's your theory. You probably weren't alone."

Back in the Strongroom Bar, Turner's arm is now nonchalantly draped along the back of a beaten-up brown leather sofa. He ponders his band's somewhat contrary reputation…

"I think starting the headline set at Reading with a cover of a Nick Cave tune perhaps was a bit contrary. D'youknowhat Imean?! But to be honest, that summer, at those festivals, we had a great time. And I know some fans enjoyed those sets 10 times more. And you can't just do, y’know, another Mardy Bum or whatever. Because how could you, really?"

With Humbug, notes Turner, "I went into corners I hadn't before, because I needed to see what were there," but by spring 2010 he wanted their fourth album to be "more song-based" and less lyrically "removed". He was "organised this time", studied "the good songwriters" (from Nick Cave, The Byrds and Leonard Cohen to country colossi Johnny Cash and Patsy Cline), discovered "the other three strings" on his guitar, and wrote 12 songs through the spring and summer of 2010, mostly in the fourth-floor New York flat he shared with Chung before the couple moved back to London late last summer (the New York MTV show It's On With Alexa Chung was cancelled after two seasons). The result: major-key melodies, harmonised singing and classic song structures.

At the same time he revisited the opposite extreme: bands such as Black Sabbath and The Stooges ("we wanted a few wig-outs as well"); he was also still heavily influenced by the oil-thick grinder rock of Josh Homme, who is clearly now a permanent Monkeys hero. After four months' rehearsals in London, on 8 January the Monkeys relocated to LA for five swift weeks of production and Homme came to visit, singing backing vocals on All My Own Stunts. Tequila was involved.

"Tequila is probably me favourite," manages Turner, by way of an anecdote. "But it takes a certain climate... It's not the same... in the rain. Yeah. [Looks to be contemplating a lyric] Tequila in the rain."

Vocally, he developed the caramel richness first unveiled on The Last Shadow Puppets' Scott Walker-esque The Age Of The Understatement, finding a crooner's vibrato. "Everything before was so tight,” he notes, clutching his neck. "Probably just through nerves. That's just not there any more." Suck It and See contains at least four of the most glittering, sing-along, world-class pop songs (and obvious singles) of Arctic Monkeys' career: the towering, clanging She's Thunderstorms, the summertime stunner The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala, the heavenly harmonised title track and the Echo & The Bunnymen-esque jangly pop of closer That's Where You're Wrong.

Elsewhere, in typically contrary "fashion", there's preposterous head-banger bedlam (Brick By Brick, the rollicking faux-heavy rock download they released in March "just for fun", featuring vocals by Helders; Don't Sit Down 'Cause I've Moved Your Chair, and Library Pictures). News arrives that the first single proper will be Don't Sit Down 'Cause I've Moved Your Chair. Q is perplexed. Brilliantly titled, certainly, but arriving after Brick By Brick, the new album will appear to the planet as some comedy pastiche metal album for 12-year-old boys.

You've got all these colossal, summery, indie-pop classics and you've gone for... The Chair? AT: [Laughing uproariously] "The Chair! I'm now calling it The Chair, that's cool. Well for once it weren't even our suggestion. It was Laurence's (Bell, Domino label boss). And I were, Fucking too right! He's awesome. It'd be good to get a bit of fucking rock'n'roll out there, won't it? It's riffs. It's loud. It's funny."

If you don't release The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala as a single I'm going round Domino to kick Laurence's "awesome" butt. AT: "I think it'll be the next one!"

The record's title, meanwhile, could've been more enigmatically original than the un-loved phrase Suck It and See. The band, struggling with ideas due to the opposing sonic moods, invented an inspiration-conjuring ruse: to think of new names for effects pedals in the style of Tom Wolfe, Turner being long enamoured with the American author's legendarily psychedelic books The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test and The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby, "cos that just sounds awesome".

"There's the Big Muff pedal," he elaborates, "That’s the classic. I've got the Valve Slapper. And there's the Tube Screamer. So we came up with the Thunder Suckle Fuzz Canyon. And… wait till I assemble it in me mind… em… it'll come to me… The Blonde-O-Sonic Shimmer Trap. So we were going for summat like that."

A wasted opportunity?

"Nah. Because some of those things ended up in the lyrics anyway. Suck It and See was just easier."

Alex Turner, rock'n'roll's premier descriptive art-poet, still writes his lyrics long-hand in spiral-bound notebooks. "Writing lyrics is a craft that I've practised a bit now," he avers. "In me notebook it looks like sums. Theories. There's words and arrows going everywhere. There's always a few possibilities and I write the word 'OR' in a square."

For our most celebrated colloquial sketch-writer of the everyday observation (all betting pencils, boy slags and ice-cream van aggravations) the more successful he becomes, the less he orbits the ordinary. "I'm not struggling with that, to be honest," he decides. "In fact I'm enjoying writing lyrics much more than I did. Stories. Describing a picture. Um. There's quite a bit of weather and time in this one. Which is probably not reassuring. 'Oh God, he's writing about the weather.' Maybe leave that out!"

There are also some direct, funny, romantic observations: "That's not a skirt, girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun/And I only hope you've got it aimed at me..." (from the title track).

Some of your romantic quips, now, must be about Alexa. AT: "Right. Yeah. Definitely. Well... there's always been that side to our songs, when we weren't writing about... the fucking taxi rank. It's kind of inevitably... people you're with." [At the mention of Chung's name, Turner is visibly aggrieved, head sliding into his neck, terrapin-esque indeed.]

It must have been very grounding being in a proper relationship through all this madness. Because if you weren't, girls would be jumping all over your head. AT: "Em. Hmn. Well, of course that helps you to... I don't really know.. what the other way would be."

Does Alexa wonder if the lyrics are about her? AT: "Oh there's none of that. Yeah, no, there's no looking over the shoulder."

She must be curious, at least. "Maybe."

Did you ever watch Popworld? AT: [Nervous laughter] "Em! Now and again."

Did you ever see the episode where she helps Paul McCartney write a song about shoes? AT: "Ah, yeah I think so, maybe I did see that."

Well, if I was you, I'd have been thinking, "She's the one for me." AT: "Well. Yeah... maybe that would've... sealed the deal! Hmn. But maybe that wasn't when i got the ray of light. When was? Nah [buries head in hands]. I might have to go for a cigarette..."

Q can't torture him any more and joins him for a snout. Turner smokes Camels from a crumpled, sad, soft-pack and resembles a teenager again. As early song You Probably Couldn't See For The Lights But You Were Staring Straight At Me says, "Never tenser/Could all go a bit Frank Spencer…”

In January 2006, when Arctic Monkeys' Number 1 album Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not became the fastest-selling debut in UK history, inadvertently redefining the concept of autonomy and further imploding the decimated music industry (& wasn't their idea to be "the MySpace band", it was their fans': the Monkeys merely kick-started viral marketing by giving away demos at gigs), the 19- and 20-year-old Monkeys were terrible at fame. They weren't so much insurrectionary teenage upstarts as teenage innocents culturally traumatised by the peak-era fame democracy.

To their generation (born in the mid-'80s) fame was now synonymous with some-twat-off-the-telly a world of foaming tabloid hysteria where renown and celebrity meant, in fact, you were talentless. Hence their interview diffidence and receiving awards via videos dressed up as the Wizard OfOz and the Village People. Which only, ironically, made them even more celebrated and famous. (“That were a product of us just trying to hold onto the reins," thinks Turner today. "Being uncooperative.")

Q meets The Other Three one morning at 11am, in the well-appointed, empty bar of the Bethnal Green, Bast London hotel they're staying in (all three live in Sheffield, with their girlfriends, in their own homes). First to arrive is the industrious, sensible and cheerful Helders, crunching into a hangover-curing green apple. He has recovered from last year's boxing accident at the gym, which left his broken arm requiring a fitted plate. Now impressively purple-scarred, the break felt "interesting" and the doctor couldn't resist the one-armed drummer jest: "D'you like Def Leppard?"

Currently enjoying an enduring bromance with Diddy, he still doesn't feel famous, "it just doesn't feel that real, there's no paparazzi waiting for me to trip up." He and Turner, during the four-month rehearsals last year, became an accomplished roast dinner cooking duo for the band. "I reckon we could have us our own cookbook," he beams. "Pictures of us stirring, with a whisk."

O'Malley, an agreeable, twinkly-eyed 25-year-old with a strikingly deep voice and a winningly huge smile, is still coyly embarrassed by the interview process. A replacement for the departed original bass player Andy Nicholson in May 2006, he went from Asda shelf-filler to Glastonbury headliner in 13 months and still finds the Monkeys "a massive adventure". His life in Sheffield is profoundly normal – he's delighted that his new home since last October has an open-hearth fireplace: "Me parents had electric bars." He has also discovered cooking. “I’m just a pretty shit-hot housewife, most of the time," he smiles. "I cook stews, fish combinations, curries, chillies. I made a beef pho noodle soup the other day, Vietnamese, I surprised meself, had some mates round for that."

Recently, at his dad's 50th birthday bash, the party band, made up of family and friends, insisted he join them onstage "for ...The Dancefloor. So I were up there [mimes playing bass, all sheepish] and it were the wrong pitch, they didn't know the words or 'owt, going, Makin eyes... er..." He has no extra-curricular musical ambitions. "I'm happy just playing bass," he smiles. "I've never had the skill of doing songs meself. It'd be shit!"

Cook, 25, is still spectacularly embarrassed by the interview process. He perches upright, with a fixed nervous smile, newly shorn of the beard and ponytail he sported in LA: "Rockin' a pone, yeah, because I could get away with it." With his classic preppy haircut and dapper green military coat (from London's swish department store, Liberty), he looks like a handsome '40s film star. (Turner deems Cook "the band heartbreaker" and had a word with him post-LA: "I said to him, Come on, mate, you've got to get that beard shaved off. Get the girls back into us. Shift some posters.")

His life in Sheffield is also profoundly normal. He still plays Sunday League football with his local pub team, The Pack Horse FC (position, left back), remains in his long-term relationship with page-three-model-turned-make-up-artist Katie Downes and "potters about" at home, refusing to describe said home, "cos I'll get burgled".

A tiler by trade, he always vowed, should the Monkeys sign a deal, that he'd throw his trowel in a Sheffield river on his last day of work. "I never did fling me trowel," he confirms. "Probably still in me shed." He's never considered what his band represents to his generation. "I'd go insane thinking about it, I'm pretty good at not thinking about it… Oh God. I'm terrible at this!"

Back in the Strongroom Bar, Alex Turner is cloudily describing his everyday life. "I just keep meself to meself," he confounds. He mostly stays indoors and his perfect night in with Alexa is "watching loads of Sopranos. And doing roast dinners".

No longer spindle-limbed, he attends a gym and has handsomely well-defined arms – "You have to look after yourself."

Suddenly, Crying Lightning from Humbug rumbles over the bar stereo. "Wow. How about that? I was quite happy the other morning cos Brick By Brick were on the round-up goals on Soccer AM. It's still exciting when that happens. It was like Brick By Brick is real."

He spends his days writing music, "listening to records", and recommends Blues Run The Game by doomed '60s minstrel Jackson C Frank ("who's that lass?... Laura Marling, she did a cover recently), a simple, acoustic, deep and regretful stunner about missing someone on the road.

Lyrically, he cites as an example of greatness the Nick Cave B-side Little Empty Boat [from ‘97 single Into My Arms ], a comically sinister paean to a sexual power struggle: "Your knowledge is impressive and your argument is good/But I am the resurrection babe and you're standing on my foot."

"I need a hobby," he suddenly decides. "I'd like to learn another language." Since his mum is a German teacher (his dad teaches music), surely he can speak some German? "I know how to ask somebody if they've had fun at Christmas." Go on, then. "Nah!"

Where Turner's creative gifts stem from remains a contemporary rock'n'roll mystery; he became a fledgling songwriter at 16, after the gift of a guitar at Christmas from his parents. An only child, did his folks, perhaps, foresee artistic greatness? "I doubt it!" he balks. "Cos I didn't. I wasn't... a show kid." Like the others, he doesn't analyse the past, or the future.

"You can't constantly be thinking about what's happened," he reasons, "it's just about getting on with it." The elaborate pinky ring he now constantly wears, however, a silver, gold and ruby metal-goth corker featuring the words DEATH RAMPS is a permanent reminder of he and his best friends’ past. The Death Ramps is not only a Monkeys pseudonym and B-side to Teddy Picker, but a place they used to ride their bikes in Sheffield as kids.

"Up in the woods near where we lived," he nods. "Just little hills. But when you're eight years old they're death ramps." The ring was custom made by a friend of his, who runs top-end rock'n'roll jewellery emporium The Great Frog near London's Carnaby Street. Ask Turner why he thinks the chase between his writing and speaking eloquence is quite so mesmerisingly vast and he attempts a theory.

"Well, writing isn't the same as speaking," he muses. "Not for me. I seem to struggle more and more with... conversation. Talking onstage... I can't do it any more. Hmn. I'll have to work on that."

The ever-helpful Helders has a better theory.

"Since he's been writing songs," he ponders, “It seems like he’s always thinking about that. So even when he’s talking to you now, he’s thinking about the next thing that rhymes with a word. Even when he’s driving. We joke he’s a bad driver, his focus is never 100 per cent on what he’s doing. Which is good for us cos it means he’s got another 12 songs up his sleeve. I think music must be the easiest way for him to be concise and get everything out. Otherwise his head would explode.”

The Shoreditch.com photo studios, 18 March. Alex Turner, today, is more ethereally distracted than ever, transfixed by the studio iPod, playing Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, a version of I’d Rather Go Blind. Occasionally, he’ll completely lose his conversational thread, “Um. I’ve dropped a stitch.”

The first to arrive for Q’s photoshoot, he greets his incoming bandmates with enormous hugs (and also hugs them goodbye). Today, Q feels it’s pointless poking its pickaxe of serious enquiry further into Turner’s vacuum-packed soul and wonders if he’ll play, instead, a daft game. It’s called Popworld Questions, as first posed by someone he knows rather well.

“Oh, OK. Let’s do it,” he blinks, now perched in an empty dressing room. He then vigorously shakes his head, “Um…I’ve gotta snap back into it.”

Here, then, are some genuine “Alexa Chung on Popworld” questions (2006-2007), as originally posed to Matt Willis, Amy Winehouse, Robbie Williams, Pussycat Dolls, Kaiser Chiefs and Diddy.

Why do indie bands wear such tight jeans? AT: “Um. I supposed they do. They haven’t always. When we first were playing I was definitely in flares. You need to be quite tall to get the full effect, though. So, that's why this indie band wears such tight jeans, cos we've not got the legs for flares."

What makes you tick in the sexy department? AT: "Wow. Pass. What do I find most attractive in a woman? Something in the head? That's definitely a requirement. Well... Hmn. I'm struggling."

Tell us about all the lovely groupies. AT: "No!"

If dogs had human hands instead of paws, would you consider trying to teach them to play the piano? AT: "Absolutely. I'd teach Hey Jude."

How many plums d'you think you can comfortably fit in one hand? AT: "They're not very big. [Holds small, pale, girly hand up for inspection] It's a shame. Probably three. Diddy only managed two? Maybe not then. I can carry a lot of glasses at once, though. If they're small ones I can do four."

Are you cool? AT: "Not as much as I'd like to be. There's this clip where Clint Eastwood is on a talkshow and he gets asked, Everybody thinks of you as defining cool, what d'you think about that? And he gets his cigs out, takes one out, flicks it into his mouth, lights it and says, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Here, Turner locates his Camels soft-pack and attempts to do a Clint Eastwood. He flicks one upwards towards his mouth. And misses. Flicks another. And misses. "Third time lucky?" He misses. "I'll get it the next time." And succeeds. "Hey. Fourth time. Don't put that in! So there you go. I'm four steps away from where I wanna be."

Thank you very much for joining me here on Popworld, here's my clammy hand again. There it is, let it slip, hmmn. You can let go now. AT: "OK! Were you a Popworld fan, then? It was funny. Cool. What were we talking about, before?"

Blimey, Alex. What must you be like when you're completely stoned out of your head? AT: "Stoned? What d'you mean, cos I seem like that anyway? Yeah. A lot of people... tell me I'm a bit... dreamy. But I like the idea of that. Of being somewhere else."

Two days earlier, Turner had contemplated what he wanted from all this, in the end. Many seconds later he gave his deceptively ambitious answer.

"I just wanna write better songs," he decided. "And better lyrics. I just definitely wanna be good at it. Hmn. Yeah.”

—

RUFUS BLACK: AKA Matt Helders, on his ongoing bromance with Diddy

Matt Helders has known preposterous rap titan Diddy since they met in Miami in 2008. “He goes, Arctic Monkeys! Then he said summat about a B-side and I was like, He's not lying! I just thought, This is funny, I'm gonna go with this for a while." Last October Diddy texted Helders, suggesting he play drums with his Diddy Dirty Money band on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross, to give his own drummer a day off. “I were bowling with me girifriend at the time. In Sheffield, on a Sunday." On the day of recording, says Helder, "We had a musical director. That were one of the maddest times of my life. Next day Diddy said, Why don't you just stay? Come along with me. So I went everywhere with him." Diddy had "a convoy of cars" and made sure Helders was always in his. "He'd stop his car and go, Where's Matt? You're coming with me! So I'd get in his car. Just me, him, his security, driver." Diddy, by now, had given him a pseudonym - Rufus Black. "He kept saying, I don't wanna fuck up your image. And I'm, I don't think it's gonna do me any harm!" He stayed in Diddy's spectacularly expensive hotel. Some weeks later, Helders almost returned to the Dirty Money drumstool for a gig in Glasgow. "But we were rehearsing in London. I were like, I might come, how are you getting there? And he were like, Jet. Jump on t’jet with me. But I had to stay in Bethnal Green instead.”

Love’s young dream: Diddy (left) with Helders

[thewertsearch]

One can make either true statements or false statements about reality. All of the statements I make are true.

One can make true or false statements about reality, but those aren’t the only options. ‘This sentence is false’ and 'lies are not funny' are examples of statements which are neither.

You proceeded to question me believing you understood the purpose of the Scratch. You received your information about it from trolls. I assure you that in most ways, the trolls are as confused about everything as you are.

Confused she may have been, but Aradia got her Scratch lore from Sburb's own NPCs. Doc's plans run deep, but he can't have been manipulating every Consort on LOQAM.

Maybe the Sburb NPCs she was talking to are simply mistaken in their understanding of the Scratch. It might be a phenomenon which looks like a spacetime rift, but functions completely differently.

TT: What exactly does the Scratch do, then? It resets the game.

It resets the game.

...like, completely? Are we going to Groundhog Day right back to John's original entry, with all our memories intact? I have no idea what that'd mean for the trolls, interwoven as they are into the kids' session - but either way, the possibility of a full reset for John & co. is amazing news.

It would be fascinating to see the kids taking another shot at Sburb, armed with all their accumulated knowledge. They'd be starting from a much better position, and we could sidestep mistakes like Jack's ascension before they happen. We'd be seeing new prototypings, new alchemy, and potentially more God Tier ascensions. Terezi did say that Dave was only locked out of God Tier before the Scratch, and I think I'm beginning to understand what she means. A lot of possibilities we've long since given up on have just been placed back on the table.

The elephant in the room, of course, is the Alpha Timeline. Changing the past should doom us all, so what's our loophole? I guess we could just transport the Players to a freshly generated session, without any time travel - but I personally don't think that's what's happening here. The Scratch is Time-themed for a reason.

TT: We all start from the beginning again? When John entered? No.

...oh.

Welp, that's another theory that didn't survive the brooding caverns.

The release of temporal energy will be quite massive. This is a hard reset. It will reboot the conditions in your universe well before you began playing the game. You will have lived different lives after the reset. The different initial conditions will ideally lead to a more favourable scenario in the new session.

I guess Scratch has a point. The kids' prior lives were heavily influenced by events in their session. Hell, Jade killed her Grandpa with a gun that wouldn't even exist if John's Veil trip had gone differently. Even the Frog Tem-

...oh, no.

Even Bec could be Scratched.

Now. If I'm an omniscient, malevolent First Guardian, and I'm making some edits to a universe, what's the most effective change I could make? What's the best way to ensure that it serves my purposes?

Well, it would be pretty useful if I were in the universe, shaping it as I did Alternia - but my impending death might put a damper on that plan.

Alright, then. If I can't the the one to shape this universe, the next best thing would be an entity of comparable power - one who is as loyal to my master as I am.

And I know exactly how to make that happen.

Even Bec could be Scratched.

Literally.

[budbuddnbuddy]

Little obey me headcanons (pt4)

(Pt5)

A/N: This probably like the second longest series of writing I’ve done fanfic wise. Lol anyway same stuff is here. Headcaons and world building, maybe once I get everything done with the masterlist I’ll show you guys my MC’s (yes I have 2 MC’s in the same verse) but I’m still not sure. Let me know what y’all think. Happy new year!!!

Everyone is super nosy about your life in the human world, some are more obvious and pushy then others but regardless they still want to know about every detail of your life, what kind of job do you have? What’s your family like? Do you live in acountryside or in City? Where’s your workplace? What’s your address? What’s your full legal name? What’s your blood type? Do you own any pets! Tell them all about it.

The Devildom and the Celestial realm have small populations. Devildom:50 million+ Celestial realm:45 million+ mainly because lots of people would rather not have kids because it would probably get in the way of what they were doing in their lives currently however it’s not uncommon to see families out and about. Nobles are the main ones who have families in the devildom.

Do you think that like a week after Diavolo was born his father did that lion king thing that Royal family does whenever they have another kid? Just basically raising him up for everyone to see? 💀

As I’ve said before Mammon has a great ass, you can’t help but grab it anytime you can, just coming up behind him and grabbing his cheek. It mainly happens in your room, both of y’all are laying in your bed with him on top of you resting his head on your chest and you’ll just unconsciously reach down and give it a squeeze. He used to loudly whine about it but he secretly loves it lmao.

When it comes to relationships and Virginity, I feel like I have a pretty decent grasp on who’s had what and who hasn’t.

Relationship+Experience: Lucifer Mammon Asmodeus Barbatos Solomon

Relationship+Virgin: Beelzebub Satan

No Relationship+ Experience: Belphegor only like twice though cuz I fucking hate him [affectionate]

Neither: Leviathan, Diavolo

Diavolo kin’s Pops from regular show unironically.

If you ever heard about the Mariko Aoki phenomenon good but if not it’s basically the need to take a crap in bookstores however if you leave before you do then the feeling goes away. Whenever you go into Satan’s room you automatically get the urge to take a shit, you haven’t told him about it the confused look on his face is too funny. 💀

Speaking of Poop. If any of the brothers can’t get into the bathrooms available on their floor/rooms they’ll come down to your room and ask if they can use your bathroom which you used to be fine with AT FIRST however you eventually banned them from coming into your bathroom because Beel took a massive shit in your toilet and it stunk up your bathroom for DAYS and Lemme tell ya, handling demon shits from GROWN ASS MEN are not for the weak.

“Phew…Thanks for letting me use your bathroom, MC.”

“No problem Beel I-“ *Turns into fucking dust*

Okay that’s not what happened but you did pass out. Beelzebub did say sorry and bought you a cupcake as compensation so I guess it’s okay for now, still not allowed to use your bathroom though.

[forgeofthenine]

Hi, I love your blog ♥️

I was hoping to get some headcanons for Zevlor and the others, for when their non-tiefling partner tells them that it's not that difficult to read tail language because they've had cats for most of their lives and tieflings are similar enough.

Since we're already likening Zevlor to a wet cat, might as well go all the way. Tell him to his face that he's just a grown up catboy >:3

I honestly cackled at the last line of this ask, this entire thing was a pleasure to write and I hope you enjoy!

The bachelors when you compare them to cats

Dammon

You'd known Dammon for a while now, learning the blacksmiths little quirks and attributes

One think you'd picked up on a while ago was the way his tail moves

Your eyes were often drawn to the way it would wag and curl in your presence, how it never quite seemed to stay still

It was only when you'd been giving a stray cat hanging around Dammons forge a scratch that you'd connected the dots

The blacksmith definitely wasn't expecting you to understand what his tail language means the next time he sees you

Having your partner matter of factly point out your excited tail wags is enough to fluster even the most self assured tiefling

When you compare him to a cat he gets even more flustered, letting out a light laugh as he asks you to be a bit more specific

Honestly, Dammon kind of likes the comparison despite being more of a dog person

He'll join in on making jokes about Tieflings being half cat, or saying that he's secretly a cat in a tiefling suit

Dammon is very chill about the whole thing and definitely appreciates having a non tiefling partner that can read his body language

Zevlor

Zevlor has a habit of dragging his tail when he's tired or upset while in the privacy of your shared home

He gives big sad cat energy a lot when he's recovering from his time on the road

It definitely helps you to know when he needs a bit of extra care and affection, being able to read his mood through his tail

Seeing the way it sways slowly when he sees you despite how it was layed on the ground originally

After some time, Zevlor starts to wonder how you always seem to know when he's in a bad mood

Sometimes you know even before he does

When he asks, the last thing he expected you to say was that he acts like a sad cat whenever he's upset

Zevlor is quite literally speechless at that, you can even see the cogs turning in his brain

He'll be confused by the idea but it doesn't change how he moves his tail is when you're around

Every time you liken him to a wet cat it's like trying to explain an internet phenomenon to your out of touch grandad

The way Zevlor is always so adorably confused and accepting of it as a compliment is definitely a sight to see

Rolan

This ever proud wizard is definitely an easy one to read, even if you aren't used to cats

His tail lashes behind him when he's annoyed, it curls in on itself when you praise him for his magical ability, it sways lightly when you enter the room

Bringing up his similarities to cats is something that just happens naturally

The two of you are reading in his study when he drops something and lashes his tail in annoyance

When you mention his annoyed tail language he assumes it's his siblings who explained it to you

He's halfway through cursing Cal and Lia under his breath when you say he's actually acting like a cat

It's enough to completely stop him in his tracks, furrowed brow as he considers your words

Rolans much too proud to let himself be compared to a cat without complaint, and bringing it up is an easy way to get under the wizards skin

His tail flicks around behind him and his face glows an even brighter red

Even better, get Cal and Lia in on the joke!

Make Rolan regret ever introducing you to his siblings, trust me, it'll be really funny

[akookminsupporter]

Namjoon gave a good interview to Vogue Spain and in it he said a few things that I thought I'd share with those of you who may not understand Spanish.

This was at the end of the article but I want to write it first:

One thing that needs to be made clear about this album is that, no matter how much the rumour mill is trying to spin it, it is by no means the end of the successful band. "Oh, I'm not leaving BTS. Absolutely not. This is the first time I'm launching a solo project like this, so I'm trying to stand up and take my first steps. But I'm ambitious and I have willpower. So I don't want to miss the opportunity to do both. So I will try my best not to lose control and steer these two ships at the same time. A lot of bands split up and fall apart, but I hope that doesn't happen to BTS. I just love the music, I love my job, I love the band members and I love myself. If I can keep both projects going, I think it can be something legendary in the long run".

Other important parts of the article:

"The k-pop industry hasn't stopped growing since we debuted with BTS [in 2013]. It's become a lot more complex and has brought a lot more people into its structures. I think there are a lot of lights, but also some slippery shadows. Many of us started our careers very early as a group: we slept and lived together as teenagers. We became a real family, which is great, but this culture has also affected me a lot, because sometimes I find it difficult to be treated as an adult who has autonomy in his decisions. I'm perceived as just another cog in the crew, in the context of a mass phenomenon",

Did you ever feel like you were getting completely lost in this delirium of success? "I used to think so, but the funny thing is that I am fully aware that it was my own choice to devote myself to the k-pop industry. Nobody pushed me into it. But yes, I have lost myself at times. Although perhaps saying this is an excess of 'self-empathy'. There is no answer. Except that, if k-pop is about recharging the batteries of a mass audience and I'm responsible for doing that recharging, then I have to keep my feet firmly on the ground. As an adult, as a musician and as a human being. And these ten years of my career have helped me define who I am and learn to love myself. But I'm still in that process, you know? All these internal struggles will be recorded on records and videos," he explains.

"Music is really necessary for the world, but, when it comes to my music, sometimes I feel like I'm producing something unnecessary. If I were to die tonight, I don't think anything would change. It might matter to some people for a while, but a farmer or a street sweeper is more relevant to the functioning of society. When I ask myself about the role of our generation in historical terms, when I look at all the digital platforms and communities out there, I am overcome with confusion. There are a lot of people who don't want to think. They have frenetic lives and turn to music or television to escape, so the last thing they want is someone trying to lecture them from a pedestal. In that context, I wonder how I can make my music matter. I haven't found an answer yet, but I keep trying to bring my own perspective to it.

As to whether he is afraid that the army he has on Instagram (42.4 million followers) might one day turn against him for a silly mistake or a blunder, RM answers bluntly. "Yes, it scares me. It scares me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When I was younger I tried to come across as a cool guy who doesn't give a shit what other people think, but I don't think that's right anymore. I care about the publicity dimension of my career and the influence I can have on others. It stresses me out, yes, but I think I can handle it. That's why I don't retire or do things like go out and drink the night away and then drive drunk. I'm human, I can make mistakes, but I will do everything in my power to be the best version of myself. One of the keys is to treat this job for what it is: a job. I don't think artists have any special rights or status.

Note: if you would like me to translate another part of the interview, let me know.

[mjrtaurus]

I just realized something funny

Crocodiles don't die from old age, they just slowly continue to grow. They die from injuries, starvation or illnesses

Which means that grandmadile, Crocodile, Gabriel, and possibly Luffy can live much MUCH longer if they're lucky. They literally can outlive their enemies if needed

The name of this particular biological phenomenon is “negligible senescence” and it’s fucking WILD. It’s when the typical degradation of the body associated with living to an extensive age is so little in comparison to our own lifespan that it seems the creature is immortal.

It doesn’t mean the creature cannot age, per se, but that it happens so slowly by our standards that it seems that way. For example, we would very much come across as exhibiting negligible senescence to many of our fluffy little friends, such as dogs, cats, guinea pigs, and rats, etc…

We document this in certain species of tortoises and sharks, and- yes indeed- many crocodilians. It’s not out of the realms of possibility that some dinosaurs were the same way. In fact there are theories that mammalian lifespans are the way they are because of how long living the ancient reptiles were. The distant common ancestors to modern mammals- including ours- had to reach maturity quickly and reproduce quickly in order for the species not to die out from predation. Think rodents and how often they reproduce and how many babies they have per reproductive cycle due to having to compensate for all the snakes and lizards and birds of prey that eat and outlive them. But this is still just a theory, mind.

Crocodiles don’t die of old age in and of itself, as far as we can observe, but can- as stated above- indeed die of complications associated with their environments, luck of their genetic draw, and how they behave just in general.

Another thing with crocodiles specifically is that they don’t have a set “adult” size. They can grow as large as their food supply and environment will allow, but this can be to their detriment. Look no further than the case of the saltwater crocodile Lolong, who grew to a massive 6.17 m (20 ft 3 in) in length and 1,075 kg (2,370 lbs) over the course of his 50 or so years.

Lolong is to this day considered the largest saltwater crocodile to have ever been caught and put in captivity, and his cause of death? Pneumonia and cardiac associated with his size and his poor living conditions. Bear in mind he was caught because he was so big (and a man-eater at that), and did not become that big in captivity. If left to his own devices in the Philippine waterways, he very likely could have gotten bigger and lived longer. He just would have had to spend more time in the water so gravity didn’t crush his vascular system beneath his own weight.

All of that to say, yes, Crocodile and his family are very long-living and well-aging if left to their own devices.

Given his status as a logia, and-debatably- Luffy’s as a mythical zoan, they’re set to live comfortably into their hundreds. Gabriel, just on account of his durability from the Lunarian heritage alone is probably going to have them all beat in terms of long life. That isn’t even touching on the additional bioengineering that the World Government did. I would reckon little Sir Gabriel is looking at well over a comfy 300 years at least.

[red-tea-lover]

Я все ещё пишу гребаный фанфик по дарквуду и хочу указать что скорее всего Джон Дарквуд бы СМОГ ДОЖИТЬ в теории ,если бы не "злоебучий лес инцидент" до появления Микуши и возможно даже понять прикол вокалоидов ,типа да я рандомно вкину знакомство деда лет 60(возможно 58?) с творчеством и Микушей )

I'm still writing a fucking Darkwood fanfic, and I want to point out that most likely the protagonist aka John Darkwood COULD HAVE LIVED TO SEE HATSUNE MIKU'S APPEARANCE if it weren't for the "evil fucking forest incident" like he would have been 60 years old (maybe 58?) at the time of her appearance and I think he would have been quite capable of understanding why people like vocaloids.

[ ниже будет большое пояснение как это возможно ,да это гига тупо но меня никто все равно не остановит // below there will be a big explanation of how this is possible, yes it is super stupid but no one will stop me anyway ]

Типа я настоящий нерд по старым технологиям и истории появления интернета и компьютеров в восточной Европе и думаю что ну , наш протагонист МОГ видеть и мог столкнуться со старым�� компьютерами конца 70ых на��ала 80ых ,они были в разных НИИ(научно исследовательский институт) и скорее всего были бы использованы для расчёта всякой информации что была добыта в лесу. Типа напомню что скорее всего наш протагонист не абы кто,а человек связанный с армией и т.п, и даже если он сам не пользовался старыми эвм то явно знал тех кто мог с ними работать . Так что я думаю , в теории с крайне мелким шансом (и парой сюжетных допущений и информацией о том что в Польше интернет появился уже в 90ых как раз для сфер где работали всякие учёные и т.п) Джон Дарквуд мог случано в интернете пересечься с таким феноменом как Микуша

Like, I'm a real nerd on old technologies and the history of the emergence of the Internet and computers in Eastern Europe and I think that, well, our protagonist COULD have seen and could have encountered old computers from the late 70s and early 80s, they were in different research institutes and most likely would have been used to calculate all sorts of information that was mined in the forest. Like, let me remind you that most likely our protagonist is not just anyone, but a person connected with the army, etc, and even if he himself did not use old computers, he clearly knew those who could work with them. So I think, in theory, with an extremely small chance (and a couple of plot assumptions and information that the Internet appeared in Poland already in the 90s precisely for areas where all sorts of scientists worked, etc.) John Darkwood could accidentally cross paths on the Internet with such a phenomenon as Hatsune Miku

НИКТО МЕНЯ НЕ УБЕДИТ В ТОМ ЧТО ОН НЕ БЫЛ БЫ ТЕМ САМЫМ ЧЕЛОВЕКОМ ЧТО ШЛЕТ ВСРАТЫЕ ОТКРЫТКИ С БЛЕСТКАМИ И КОТЯТАМИ, ЕСЛИ БЫ У НЕГО БЫЛ ДОСТУП К ИНТЕРНЕТУ ЭТО БЫЛО БЫ САМОЕ УЖАСНОЕ И СМЕШНОЕ СОБЫТИЕ )))

на деле мне просто нравится использовать свой опыт из детства где мои бабушка и дедушка хорошо пользовались компьютером ещё в 2007 году когда им было как раз примерно 60+- лет ,и то что на самом деле ранний интернет это достаточно интересный концепт в историях где события на рубеже двух веков происходят. Кароче фанфик по идее "а что если чел выжил ???" превратился в самый огромный поиск информации и т.п что когда либо был. Типа вау первая глава уже занимает 25 тысяч слов а глав ещё 9...

NO ONE WILL CONVINCE ME THAT HE WOULD NOT BE THE VERY PERSON WHO SENDS CARDS WITH GLITTER AND KITTENS, IF HE HAD ACCESS TO THE INTERNET THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE MOST TERRIBLE AND FUNNY EVENT )))

in fact, I just like to use my experience from childhood, where my grandparents used a computer well back in 2007, when they were just about 60+ years old, and the fact that in fact the early Internet is a pretty interesting concept in stories where events take place at the turn of two centuries. In short, a fanfic based on the idea of "what if the guy survived???" turned into the largest search for information, etc. that has ever been. Like wow, the first chapter already takes up 25 thousand words and there are still 9 chapters left until the end...

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 18 thoughts

zoo episode! sad zoo episode.

but. i was giggling. because our very serious agents were forced to say lines like "you think it was an invisible elephant?" and i was laughing!!! sue me!! we can hold space in our hearts for the sentiments that both the sad animal story is sad AND ALSO the thought of them doing investigation work at the zoo is comical. like the tiger is INVISIBLE.

okay. from the top we start.

a janitor is grooving. his partner tells him to stop. i say, keep grooving, man. you deserve it.

dancing has been interrupted!!! stuff is exploding and crashing and we hear elephant noises?? invisible elephant.....? that can BECOME visible?

it seems while in invisible it went a bit sicko mode as the kids say and then came back to visibility mode down the road

(where did renting an elephant for this episode fit into the s2 budget....)

so elephant has been spotted. a family calls the cops. and i understand the sentiment but i'm not sure the cops can do a whole lot about the elephant situation.

NOOO a child is crying as the elephant is dying in the road... this will be a core memory for those poor girls

(elephant actor is really selling it though... emmy nomination deserved)

back to the scene where the janitors saw things explode. mulder jumps out the window and i can't explain why it was really funny lmao

mulder is convinced that the elephant being found dead some miles away is related to this scene of destruction. and yeah, the dead guy DID have an elephant footprint on him. but no one saw an elephant and the janitors were very much there the whole time. so what's the truth?

this is so silly. i'm laughing.

mulder's explaining his theories and scully deadpans "an invisible elephant?" and i'm laughinggggg. can you imagine an elephant making a huge scene but somehow the witnesses just managed to miss the giant creature responsible.

the zookeeper, whose name is ed, arrives at the scene. scully asks about the dead elephant, and ed corrects her use of the elephant's pronouns, which made me think he was an ally.

(later we learn that he was beating all the animals, so this is decidedly un-allied behavior. ally certificate revoked)

the elephant is named ganesha- hey, i understood that.

mulder says he's heard of the "elephant rebellion" phenomenon, and asks if this is an example. yeah of course this man knows about the elephant rebellion. "fucking nerd", i wrote in my notes.

(actually, i am aware that this season aired in 1996, and the infamous Hawaiian elephant incident was 1994. the phrase "elephant rebellion" sounds very niche and nerdy in 2024, but at the time i image this was still very fresh in the world's minds, and part of a wider reckoning on how animals are treated for the sake of entertainment, and this episode is commentary upon that. i was not around for this national discussion, but i did watch askamortician's video on the incident, which is very good by the way. i have mostly grown up in a world free of animals in circuses and with zoos as conservation agents, so interesting to get glimpses into the discussions that led to the shaping of the world i live in)

but then we see the zoo!!! zoo time!!! there are penguins. i saw penguins like that at the zoo once :)

they go to talk to the naturalist who is basically like "idk how the elephant got out" and i'm thinking, girl shouldn't you be... more invested in this?? like an elephant died. ur not even shedding a tear. i would be in mourning.

they see where the elephant was staying when she wasn't on display, and it's frankly awful. scully asks why it was so small, mulder notices chains on the floor, and she says it was leftover from the 1940's, and that ed is treating them poorly, and i understand why this and other elephants have chosen violence

the folks from a radical anti-captivity group are protesting the whole situation. and she refers to them by some acronym that mulder immediately understands, which is further evidence that he must listen to npr or something. my professor that knows everything all the time listens to npr so i'm guessing that is what mulder does too.

meetup time with the dude leading the protest! his name is kyle, and he is saying that no animals should be in captivity, and he often kidnaps animals from zoos to let them go... and i'm not sure if this is a great idea?? because if an elephant has been raised in captivity its whole life, is it gonna know how to be in the jungle?? idk i am not a scientist.

this episode is suuuuper fuzzy and has a very vhs quality to it... i bet y'all were sleeping on this episode, huh? i'm guessing there wasn't as much effort placed into de-fuzzing it because it was about invisible animals and not one of the "hard hitters" of the season. but i think it's camp and i'm seated.

so kyle reveals that ed, the zoo guy, is treating his animals awfully at this point, which is where i formally revoked his ally status. and he says that the naturalist is too busy being sued over her gorilla to really focus on making the zoo more humane.

yeah, you heard that: she "saved" a gorilla and took it home, and now the government of the country she took it from wants it back.

"i thought you said she saved this gorilla?" scully asks, and i dissolve into further fits of laughter, because that is such a funny line out of context and even in context.

well, she "saved" the gorilla by bringing it home and sticking it in a cage, so kyle isn't pleased by the whole ordeal.

so, what to make of these anti-captivity activists? mulder says he thinks they're all talk and not really apart of the whole crime, but scully says she thinks they are behind the elephant's fate, and will release another animal to get the zoo shut down. this is a deep philosophical difference.

he leaves and says he is going to talk to the animals, because i knew that was the type of guy he is

(he's actually lying, though. well, sort of, because he's calling his buddies at the lone gunman, that conspiracy magazine he is involved in somehow. and it's a video call using a camera and a projector, or as i described it in my notes, "a biblically accurate zoom")

his pals thinks its related to the nearby UFO hot spot, and offer this fun fact:

"no animal at the zoo has ever brought a pregnancy term" <- and yeah. i hit pause and yelled "WHAT" so quickly. hey. what's going on. are the aliens getting involved in their reproductive cycles??

frohike, the strange man who is always hitting on scully, hears mulder's phone ring and adds "if that's the lovely agent scully, let her know i've been working out" and i sentence him to a sentence of 10,000 years in the dungeons. (and this is a reduced sentence for his quick thinking in sneaking out her blood work when she was in coma mode)

she's calling to let him know that someone from the anti-captivity organization is breaking into the zoo!!! not a very good look for their cause!!! he climbs a fence to break in, and she looks around cautiously before doing the same. she is normally a ruler follower, after all.

where is this dude going?? to the... lions? he's setting up a camera?

ed the zookeeper has materialized behind scully, who explains she was following someone else, and then they go off into a warehouse area

but the activist dude is setting up his camera- probably just to record their poor conditions rather than anything nefarious, i think- when BAM! flash of light! terrible ruckus!!! tiger is invisible...?

activist man, you are going to be EATEN!!! and the camera is rolling while this happens!!!!

scully's trying to talk to kyle, the head of this whole organization, who is saying he doesn't know why the dude broke into the zoo, and he had nothing to do with it, and she says that if she finds out he was involved in getting that dude eaten by a tiger that she will have him charged

mulder comes to get her, and it's very cute.

she is mad!!!! "you know, that guy really pisses me off" she says, and mulder asks if she's calmed down- bad move, let her be angry- but he tells her that the video showed the attacker was INVISIBLE! even though she examined the body and it was CLEARLY mauled to death!!!! even more frustration ensues.

mulder decides he must question the gorilla... he is so open minded :)

(the gorilla has been taught sign language, so this is a thing you can actually do. but for a guy big into aliens, i don't think talking to a gorilla is really out of the picture, even if there was no known method of communication)

he asks her a few questions and gets very vague answers, learning that the gorilla really wanted a baby, and i'm like, where is this going... he says he is going to need scully's help and i'm thinking... is he going to have her give the gorilla a pregnancy test.....

not quite! it is ELEPHANT AUTOPSY TIME!!!

he is watching all this go on from above and commenting and NOT soiling his pristine suit by getting inside the elephant guts which made me laugh. just watch 'em do the dirty work big guy. i guess he wouldn't know what the hell he was looking at anyway. but with all the other random shit he knows maybe he WOULD know how to identify elephant pregnancy.

and his hunch is correct: scully says the elephant had been pregnant, delivering this news in very fancy medical terms while her face and clothes are covered in elephant gore. oh yeah baby. that's fbi work.

(she is so brave because i would Not have been able to do any work with elephant blood on my face)

okay okay now the tiger that got out has been tracked to a building... and the naturalist really really does NOT want to have to shoot him... but ed the animal beater does, and he kills the tiger!!!!!! what is he hiding....

this poor naturalist, who i am suspicious of, is just taking L after L, and dead tiger is not helping

and GUESS WHAT? tiger was pregnant at one point, too!!! even though there were no efforts to make that happen!!!! how could this be??

"what do you know about alien abduction?" he asks her, entirely serious. she laughs and we see his deadpan face. it never gets old seeing people think he is deeply strange and unusual.

he proposes that perhaps the aliens are taking the pregnant animals and their embryos, and then dropping them back down on earth, which the naturalist describes as "the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard". she has not opened her mind to the idea of the space-time continuum turning them invisible when they come back.

despite the hostile reception to his theories, he watches intently while she asks more questions to the gorilla in sign language. but as this is going down, she is given an order to put the gorilla into custody. another L.

faced with the thought of losing her gorilla, she goes to kyle, who she begs for help, and when he says that she should let the gorilla go back into the wild, she yells "she's MINE, kyle" which is a lot. and he refuses to help. honestly he was kinda rude about it but i understand sticking to your morals.

but he seems to change his mind, because he comes to the zoo at night, calling out for her. and i'm thinking, no, an invisible animal is gonna eat you!!!! but this isn't what happens... something FALLS ON HIM and KILLS HIM!!!! huh???

scully figures out that kyle and the naturalist knew each other, and asks if she went over to his office to ask for help, which she denies. because she is a liar. and she is also deeply mad, and says "why don't you ask agent mulder, he seems to have a novel theory... maybe it was alien abduction" okay queen this is even ruder like he is trying to HELP you

mulder thinks that SHE killed kyle so she could keep the gorilla... which would be tea...

he investigates the cage and he uses a pen to avoid making any fingerprints... will be employing this tactic if i am ever at a crime scene investigation....

he sees ed, the trainer slash animal beater taking off, with guns!!!

back in her office, the naturalist is packing up all the things from her office, including a framed photo of her smooching the gorilla... (sabrina brier voice) oh!

scully is like well ur actually not gonna leave right away. because it looks like kyle was kinda murdered. and she says it was an accident, ed was scared and hit him with a cattle prod. and out of desperation, she gave ed the gorilla. THE ANIMAL BEATER?? you gave HIM your precious baby??? girl.... these decisions.....

back at a warehouse he tracked down ed to, mulder is holding him at gunpoint, which he is remarkably good at doing

the gorilla is going ham because she is in a weird and dark place and mulder says ed, you're gonna have to tranquilize her... but when they open the door, he doesn't shoot and instead leaves mulder in the room with an outraged gorilla!!!! no, mulder, we all shout!! she pummels him, and he doesn't seem to know sign language, so there is a immovable language barrier!!!!

but she backs off from pummeling him, which is good, because gorillas are horrific and CAN kill you.

(and i semi-recently saw a gorilla at the zoo so i'm looking at this one, and i'm trying to figure out if it's a real creature or a dude in a suit... pls someone feel free to share what the truth is. i mean if they got an elephant actor maybe they could hire a gorilla one too... but it looks off. kind of like a guy in a suit. so i'm thinking about that episode of spongebob with the scary guy in a gorilla suit. which was honestly a scary episode!!! but i digress. mulder locked in with gorilla)

OH. LIGHT FLASH! alien time....?

he wakes up on the floor with a bloody head from gorilla pummeling, and scully bursts in, trying to get him to stay still because there is a big bleeding wound on his head, a place you do not want a big wound to be. she is really doing her best to wrangle him and take a look, but he is too wiggly for this.

the naturalist is at the scene, and he does the sign language the gorilla did back to her, which was quite good. if i saw a gorilla do sign language after it beat me i would not remember how she moved its hands. good memory on that mulder guy.

they get a call for an animal in a field, and of course, it is the gorilla, who was hit by a car, and the naturalist sobs into her... fur? hair? as she dies. a tragic end to a gorilla life.

mulder wraps the case up, asking the hard hitting questions: are aliens stealing zoo animals to breed them and steal the embryos, and then preserve them? is it archival or conservationist in nature? he gets very philosophical, as he always does when writing a report. and i can imagine skinner reading this and saying "... okay" and then not saying anything else.

so, what did i think? well, i think they aren't gonna want to recreationally visit a zoo for a while, which kills that one fantasy of mine, but don't worry, i'll make them go to a museum instead. and if there is museum related trauma in a future episode we can work around that.

honestly though, was this episode the best? nah. but was it campy? yeah. the aliens made the tiger invisible, dude. how could you not love that?

i do think this episode was trying to partake in the growing discussion of animal captivity and ethics, especially in the wake of the elephant incident of 1994, and i'm not sure if it really takes a stance beyond "hurting animals is bad". i suppose if anything it comes off looking like it supports the anti-zoo agenda, which is still something that is in the public discourse. i know because i follow a lot of zoos on instagram and there is always someone in the comments saying that the creatures should be free and then someone else countering that they are super endangered and actually he is doing just fine in his cage, eating an appropriately designed cake for his needs. but that discourse hasn't left the public sphere, so it's interesting to see it represented here.

and maybe aliens ARE interested in conservation. i would personally just take the whole animals rather than stealing their embryos and leaving the creatures on the side of the highway, but what do i know? not much in terms of tigers.

i liked seeing scully get pissed off, i thought that was really funny. but overall, this episode was more intersting to me in terms of cultural commentary and outlandish plot than character devlopment. which is fine!!! we need a break from the heaviness of the last two episodes.

[elfhunk]

like. okay.

i'm going to share too much. because it's been one of those days.

i'm in a weird unique position to observe this phenomenon of men who are desperately trying to do what is by everything but name transition to become men+. men (extreme). men (ultimate).

because i am a (functionally) cisgender gay man who has a social circle of largely transgender women. i just get to see a really funny venn diagram from my seat.

like, i've regularly joked that i want to enjoy being a man as much as sasha colby enjoys being a woman. i admire the ever loving shit out of trans women performers who pursue this unrealistic height of performative womanhood. women like sasha are living out childhood fever dreams in real time. she is visibly drawing immense pleasure from the act of being this kind of woman and making everyone else fucking watch.

it is very obviously not the only way to be a woman, and no one should be expected to pursue this degree of performative womanhood. but that's what sasha always wanted to be. so she's going to fucking do it. and none of us can stop her.

it comes up in interviews with her time and time again, and i never stop finding it so personally motivating. because this is what comes up whenever i talk about childhood with the trans women in my life. i recognize so many of the same story beats. there's this commonality to being a child who's supposed to be a boy. because if you're bad at being a boy? that means you aren't anything. you aren't allowed to be anything. hegemonic masculinity in practice is a perpetual violent humiliation levied against you for falling even an inch short.

it doesn't care if you turn out to be a girl, a boy, or something else! it just hates your ass!

so some of us get a chip on our shoulder about it. when we have control over our lives in adulthood, we want to be everything they said we weren't allowed to be. we maybe want to go a little overboard. we want to rub their faces in it.

for some people that means becoming the exaggerated form of woman you were told that you couldn't be. for some people that really does mean becoming the exaggerated form of man you were told that you couldn't be.

i think more men feel this way than you might realize. i think a lot of straight cis men feel this insecurity the same way. they were being subjected to the same brutal script as i was, after all.

so they start looking for ways to be real men. they start looking for ways back onto the boat they were shoved off of as kids.

they might start doing some really high risk behaviors if it means a shot at getting told they're finally back on board.

and i really empathize with this issue. i realized the same thing. i wanted to be a man, and i felt like i was never allowed to be one.

but y'know who was in the water with me when i wanted to try clawing my way back onto that nasty old boat?

well, i was surrounded by trans women. and do you know what trans women are going to teach you how to do instead? they'll teach you how to build your own goddamn boat.

it was the trans community that taught me to understand these changes to appearance or lifestyle as a long game of maximizing my own gender euphoria. it was the trans community that taught me how to make choices that were right for me and only for me. different women in my life have completely different definitions of their own womanhood, and what would make them happy.

i had examples set for me about why or why not someone would want to pursue certain treatments, surgeries, or medical interventions. i was taught to keep checking in with myself regularly. i was taught to ask myself if i was truly happy with my choices, and how to live with them in the event i regretted something.

and i think i'm finally getting pretty good at it. not perfect. but pretty good. i really like the man i see in the mirror. i think he's really sexy.

it's a lot of trial and error and a lot of uncertainty. it's a lot of deciding something maybe wasn't right for me, and feeling maybe a little embarrassed i ever tried it.

but i am really glad i have those tools.

because, y'all? this "men trying to transition to men (extreme)" thing is an entire black market pharmaceutical industry. this is what this entire manosphere grift is. this is what an eerie amount of even basic men's grooming, fashion, and lifestyle content is built around.

they are built around this idea that you must follow these instructions in order to be a man. you must take these measures, you must do this work to your body, you must fit within these categories. otherwise? you don't count. and i'm sure this rhetoric is sounding familiar.

i swear to you, there are just a lot of men who don't think they're men yet and need to do something in order to transition into a manlier kind of man. they're taking pills, they're giving injections, they're counting calories, they're trying to forcemasc brainwash themselves.

and i just get a little worried no one is checking in with themselves. i am worried no one is asking them if this is making them happy. because i really do believe in personal autonomy around these choices.

but i want to make sure it's making them happy.

[folkwhore1998]

It feels like a perfect night to dress up as eras and make fun of our exes

The red set!!! So special. Red brought a few popular Taylor smash hits. The setlist itself- I understand why it is the way it is. 22, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, I Knew You Were Trouble, ATW 10 Min Version. (Sidenote: WHY HAS SHE NOT DONE GIRL AT HOME??????) Everyone knows and loves them. However.. I would have loved to see Holy Ground or Red on there, but I understand why they are not on there. Keeping the songs everyone knows is a more logical and inclusive approach for the fan base! Also, I see far too much yapping about how she should not have put the ATW 10 MV on the setlist and I need the yapping to stop. She sat on this version of the song for YEARS and has never had the chance to sing it live prior to its release. I love the fact that it is on the setlist.

We have a few different Red sequin shirts apart of this setlist: (which are ranked with my favorites first- I still LOVE all of them)

I BET YOU THINK ABOUT ME

A LOT GOING ON AT THE MOMENT

I KNEW U WERE TROUBLE

THIS IS NOT TAYLOR'S VERSION

WHO'S TAYLOR SWIFT ANYWAYS? EW

WE ARE NEVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER LIKE EVER

I am so happy that I Bet You Think About Me got its own t-shirt because the song is incredible but also it's just so damn funny. Taylor is everywhere and there is no escaping that because she is a music phenomenon so yeah, I bet you DO think about her. (Just waiting on I Bet You Think About Me x Tim McGraw mashup... when you think Tim McGraw... I BET YOU THINK ABOUT ME)

We have one Red body suit as well. I do believe at one point they changed a little bit, but nothing super drastic that it is worth noting.

We also have the Red trench coat she wears during Red.

We are coming to the end of The Eras Tour, and the likely hood of there being a new red body suit is basically 0%, but I would have loooooooved to see it. I like the one she wears of course and I think it fits the Red era well, but I love variety (and Red).

How the hell she wore the trench coat in the summer heat is beyond me. Under the stage lights too? I'd call it a night after ATW 10 min version if I were her LOL. Which ATW 10 minute version being on the setlist is amazing. She does sing like 10 minutes straight in all of the eras, keep in mind she is also playing guitar for the entire duration of the song.

I think we can all agree that the 22 hat trend is amazing and so much fun. I love seeing how excited the baby Swifties get. I am so happy for all the little girls who got to experience this because they will likely remember it for the rest of their lives, but I wish we would have seen the OG Swifites get the opportunity as well!

I am also so obsessed with Kam's moment during WANEGBT. Do you guys think Taylor knows what he is going to say every show?

Question: What songs are some of your favs from Red?

Some of my favorite Red set moments:

SHE LOVES A RAIN SHOW!!!!! I saw someone talk about how the way she approaches rain shows as a fun and positive thing helps fans stay excited despite the rain. Like tell me why I want to be able to experience a rain show.

Up yours wanker is diabolical LOL

Not the buggggg. And tell me again how you think she lip syncing? Riiiiiiiggggght.

[1eos]

could you explain more on the gypsy rose and guy who attacked the judge comparison? (how it has textbook ableism, racism, etc) it sounds kinda interesting but i don’t know what’s going on much

THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!!!

for gypsy rose its just rampantttttttttt 'perfect victim'-ism. i believe there is a term for the phenomenon but basically its like everyone will have disdain for an abuse victim unless they're dead then they're a statistic they can use for their own purposes. her mother was abusing and drugging her for years and wouldn't have stopped until she was dead but bc gypsy fought back literally at all and isnt constantly talking abt how she's scum of the earth some ppl are acting like she's some awful evil person and not an abuse victim who acted out of desperation. felt remorse. went to jail and is still on parole. and its misogyny bc we're living in a world that at the same time OBSESSES over and heralds male serial killers as ~geniuses~ that could outwit cops 🧍🏾‍♀️ its always 'women should be armed' and 'if i were abused i'd kill them' and then a woman gets rid of her abuser and its think pieces on how no one should be happy she's no longer being abused and even though its documented that she exhausted every avenue and begged for help and wasn't believed that there was 'another way'. bc abuse victims should just die in the court of public opinion esp a woman

and with the man....first the fact that him attacking the judge was treated as a meme was very weird and a form of misogyny like why is a woman getting jumped so funny? the racism came in in the most expected way. ppl talking abt how he should be put down, insinuating all black ppl are violent monsters/beasts/wild animals. just nasty stuff. one black person does something awful and that means the whole population should be culled according to racists online you get it. also when he showed back up in court they literally had him in a muzzle. and its like.............yeah that's definitely a talking point in a paper. and the ableism comes in bc ppl found out he's schizophrenic and all of the ppl who think mental disorders mean you're just uncontrollably violent w no control were like 'i feel so bad for him he was off his meds' and that's the juxtaposition btwn him and gypsy rose like she fought in self defense and ppl think she's a monster and he is defended despite not fighting for his life. and i believe no problem the jail withheld mental care but then it came out allegedly even ON his meds he was violent towards women but bc he's a man he will always have more grace and some circles of men see manhood AS violence esp towards women so theyre gonna defend that behavior or at least make light of it. and then just say it was his mental illness bc ableism tells ppl that if you have a spooky disorder then you're just violent and

but at the same time if gypsy rose was black. for one she'd still be in prison :/ so many black women kill their abuse victims and end up dying in jail :///// and if the black guy who attacked the judge were white they'd be doing anythingggggggggggg to make him 'redeemable' in the media. and the ableism would probably be even worse as a means to say the violence just isnt his fault! and if the judge were a man it probably wouldnt have turned into a funny meme but if the judge were a black woman then the leagues of ppl defending her would not be there bc white women are seen as innocent victims who never deserve violence (which fueled the racism he experienced tenfold) whereas black women DESERVE to be hurt for their attitudes. theyd be finding reasons to justify it.

idk just seeing these conversations happen at the same time just showed, to me, exactly how different identities preload different kinds of discourse!

[myloveforhergoeson]

ash's june 2024 reading round up

find all the books and fics i read this month under the cut with a link to the synopsis and my reviews/ratings attached :)

this is just for fun! i'm not a professional, i just like to read <3

booklist:!

Book Lovers by Emily Henry (18+!)

• big emily henry fan here, i've read most of her other books and i just picked up her new one. this one, in comparison to the other ones i've read, was in my opinion, just kind of middle ground. it wasn't as amazing as i was expecting and it wasn't bad, i just don't think this was the book for me. about a literary agent, nora, and her rival - a brooding editor for a major company she works with, charlie - both being displaced from their big city life and finding themselves in the same small town for the summer. they keep bumping into one another in sunshine falls after a less than fortuitous business meeting in NYC a few years ago and one thing leads to another. turns out charlie isn't actually as bad as she had thought! perhaps i'm just unread in the small town romance genre, but again, this one wasn't really for me. i didn't feel like charlie and nora really had all that much chemistry. i was actually more interested in their lives separate from each other than how they meshed together oddly enough. a lot of henry's books center around family - more specifically familial grief after the death of a parent - and this book was no exception. the detailed descriptions of nora's past, dealing with the death of her mother and needing to step up to take care of her younger sister, hit really close to home for me as an older sister. learning about the course of her life come to a grinding halt and the two of them learning to pick up the pieces together was beautifully done and had major implications for the turning point of charlie and nora's story. nora and libby were the highlight of this book for me - i loved every single scene between them and i almost wish it was just about these two. charlie on the other hand, is a local of this small town and has a sordid past with many of the individuals there. i didn't like his character all that much personally, he felt kind of flat in general to me, but i did think his interactions with the other local characters was very interesting and i liked that nora had a bit of a puzzle to put together as she stayed in sunshine falls. though she accidentally went out with his cousin - yikes! overall, two very detailed stories coming together to form one that i almost wish were two separate books. romance plot in this one didn't really do it for me and that's okay! i still had a good time reading it :)

i'd recommend beach read or happy place by the same author in place of this one.

• rating 3/5 times i wondered why anyone would want to live in a small town over the city...

2. My Roommate is a Vampire by Jenna Levine (18+)

• yeah i know. guys i know. but what can i say. i'm a simple girl with simple taste and i love vampires. this book wasn't groundbreaking of course but it was soooo fucking funny. loved very moment of it! like what do you mean our fmc cassie just moves in with a random guy who has a wonderful apartment and he's super hot and sexy and he talks and dresses like he's from a different time and he tells you there's a part of your apartment you can never go and he sleeps all day and is out all night and she's just okay with it 😭 girl what if he killed you 😭 anyway. mmc fredrick j. fitzwilliam they can never make me hate you. being alive for almost 400 years is tough, especially when you need someone to teach you the modern ways of life after being asleep for the last century! every time the two of them went everywhere and did something i was like rolling in my seat with laughter. trying to pay for coffee at a hipster coffee shop where the drink names don't actually tell you what's inside? where the sizes are named after planetary phenomenons? where he pulls out a velvet sack of coins and tries to pay with dabloons? god guys it was so funny i can't even begin to put my thoughts of this down on paper. they go to a party so he studies pop culture all night and memorizes taylor swift's entire Wikipedia page???? normally i hate t swift being brought up randomly in modern romance novels (happens way too much IMO) but i'm willing to look past it this time. WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE STOPPED A KIDNAPPING USING TIKTOK LIKE???? say what you will about my sense of humor but never in a million years did i guess how this book was ending. fucking hilarious and so entertaining and cassie and fredrick are very cute together. honestly the romance was like b plot for me i just thought he was too silly and wanted to know all about what weird shit fredrick was doing that day. again, not the most enlightening or literary force of nature i've ever read but i did have a very very good time. boo me if you want but i'm right <3

•rating: 4/5 times i wished cassie and fredrick wrote more notes to each other

fic list:

i read a lot i'll try to get them all im so sorry if i missed any but i've read, rb'd, and loved them all!!!

assorted works of @partiallypearl:

just another wide-eyed girl, who's desperately in love with you

keep going to the sunrise (put the car in cruise control)

'cause i can't turn to you when it all falls apart

when you love someone that's all you can do

cargan blurb

running to your heart

no notes literally every single one of these was perfect and i'm so lucky to have the privilege of reading them :) james and elisa have been on my mind so much lately, but i also really loved your other works with rhuben and logan and macie. when you love someone that's all you can do is a work of art i wish i could frame it and put it in a museum <3

• assorted works of @icegirl2772

Take a Shot in the Dark

Better than Neil (a GIFT?? for me???)

We Do (But Friends Don't)

my friend... i love your writing so much!! the new chapter if take a shot in the dark is just wonderful, can't wait to reread and leave my comment hehe. better than neil (along with being such a surprise!!) had so much love and care put into it, each section bouncing off of one another was just genius and reading it made me feel so giddy. james and kaelyn are like handmade to be perfect for each other and that story did so well of highlighting that. and we do (but friends don't) !! don't even have words. i love kaelyn and james so much and this fic makes it so clear how they care for each other and want to be cautious of that while still having fun together :) so much raw trust and honesty on display, it's just an incredible (and spicy!) read :) <3

• assorted works of @ceruleanmusings:

• .3

.4

.5

Mason - Band Dynamics

Big Time Confession

.6

.7

Big Time Double Date

desolation pt 1

desolation pt 2

endearment

omg i don't even have words for this incredible selection of works from this month. all of the mickames blurbs were so adorable, confession literally brought me to tears, double date was just hilarious, and endearment made me smile!!! i love how those all balanced out with the emotion and power tucked into both parts of desolation; the switch up really shows how hard relationships can be, even if they seem easy!, and how two people try and get past even the toughest of times together. loved the openness of difficult conversation and how james and mickey managed that together. it felt so true to real life and literally had my stomach wrenching at points. i was so worried for them, and i'm so happy they're working it out! <3 and i always love reading more about the mason band! i love them!! :))

• assorted works of @selangkir

• the girl time rush au

• jucy (no, not that one) story

ohhh my god again and again and again i read girl time rush. literally like twice a month but this month especially i wanted to highlight it bc it served as inspiration for my own little story hehe <3 stories from the perspective of james just kill me i love him so much and i feel like all three parts of girl time rush encapsulate that perfectly. from dealing with a job he didn't really want, to working behind the scenes, to a tumultuous situationship(? kind of. i don't really know what that word means but it feels appropriate) with dak zevon. god every time i read it i love it even more. and the jucy story... such a wonderful switch up of the real story and how it would affect the characters if things went differently! it was so cute, i loved it so much. can't wait to add it to my reread list <3333

• @cant-get-enough-btr-forever 's story Big Time Battle of the Bands

ahh!! i loved this story so much; the only bad thing was having to wait for the chapters to upload and not getting to read it all at once! i know i said this over and over but it truly read like a big time rush episode - you did such a wonderful job of taking the wackiness from the real show and molding it into something if your own. the battle of the bands was such a fun idea and i loved all of the girls and how they mirrored btr! jessica my beloved... it had it all: action, romance, comedy, i couldn't ask for more!!!!

• assorted works of @raging-violets:

• Around the World and Back

such a wonderful story (inspired by a wonderful song!) that put forth the trouble with touring, what happens when it comes to an end, and the toughness of a goodbye. kendall and riley have such a wonderful dynamic that was put on full display with this one! their promise to keep talking when they can (because talking is what they do best!!) was so adorable and i love that they managed to get through their tough time together :)

i believe that's everything but if i missed something IM SO SORRY!

<3333

[frostycatblr-fandom-files]

Hello! I was wondering if I could request Wrecker x reader where they sneak off really late at night for a cute little walk because they haven't been getting enough alone time. And it's a new relationship, so everything's still all cute and giggly. Maybe they think they are being quiet when they are sneaking back in, but something funny happens and reader is like dieing laughing and Hunter walks in like wtf is going on. Idk, feel free to ignore. Ily ♡

Warnings and Information: No real age warning for this one. 2nd person POV, undescribed Reader that can be read as gender neutral. Little sprinkling of Mando'a. Minor language (everyone say "thank you, Crosshair!"). It’s all the giddiness of a new(ish) relationship with the powerhouse of Clone Force 99 that is Wrecker. 🩷 Impromptu date late at night. Decided on a Modern!AU for this one where (most of) the Bad Batch work as a construction crew, and there's a few cameos of other Clones too. Hope you enjoy what I came up with! 

Word-count: 4,544

Setting your bag down on the welcome mat, you thread your house key into the lock with an eager sigh. You're pretty tired. You finally have a free night, thankfully, and you've been away from home all day. 

You're looking forward to just vegging out on the couch to catch the season finale of your favorite show for the next hour and crawling into bed as soon as you finish trawling the 'net for other people's impressions of the finale. There's a lot of speculation regarding the dashing rogue of the series, and whether or not they'll finally pluck up the courage to share this big secret the show writers have been dangling over the fans. You just hope some news article doesn't show up in your social media feed only to come along and spoil it in the headline. 

"People really need to learn to tag their kriffing spoilers… It's not that hard." 

You bump the door open and hoist the bag back over your shoulder just as someone calls out your name. 

"H-hey! Wait up!" 

You pause in the entryway, cheeks pinching with a large smile. "Hey Wrecker." The way he's doubled over, hands pressed into his knees while he pants for air, you can guess Wrecker had likely jogged over to your place from his. He lives not too far from you, and it's a jog he's made several times before, but it has been a slightly warmer than average day that has only just begun to cool off in the last few hours. Tech, one of Wrecker's brothers, calls the phenomenon the "heat island" something or other. Effect? (If that wasn't right that sounded close enough.) "You okay? Here, come on in. Would you like some water?" 

"B-but- Weren't you jus' leaving?" Wrecker manages between slowing pants. He used the edge of his sleeve to mop the sweat from his brow once he's upright, fixing you with a woozy smile when you hook your fingers around his own and lead him inside. "Oh, no, I just got home, actually. How come?" You fill a glass from the cold tap and rummage around the freezer for some ice to make it a little more refreshing. Wrecker just ran so hot sometimes you were surprised he didn't pass out on some of his job sites as a construction worker. 

"I- oh, thanks, cyare." Wrecker greedily gulps down a few mouthfuls of water to relieve himself of his thirst, careful not to spill down his front or all over your kitchen floor. 

The intimacy of the pet name makes your ears flush with warmth, and your cheeks pinch a little more with a tender smile. "You're welcome." 

The worst of his thirst now quelled, Wrecker could explain why he thought he had caught you leaving the house. "I, uh, I came over to ask if you wanted to go do something. Together. Jus' the two of us. Worried that I got off work too late or took too long to clean up a bit and I caught you about to leave. I know it's nearly eleven, but it's been a while since we had a moment to spend time together… just to ourselves." There was good reason for the emphasis on the last three words. In the infancy of your relationship with Wrecker, you have only had one date together that wasn't interrupted in some way by his job, or one of your day to day priorities, or one of his brothers. 

You liked his brothers well enough thus far, but sometimes they really needed to learn when to butt out. Or what was appropriate for company. 

"Wrecker, have you seen my live specimen?"

"Hunter! One of Tech's kriffing specimens got loose again! Can't find the damn thing!" 

"Oh Maker…"

"L-let's leave, cyare. It's not a dangerous specimen or nothing, but it's jus' creepy." 

You smiled at Wrecker, and to him, those smiles could have thawed out an ice planet like Hoth twelve times over. Smiles that could get Crosshair, even in his most sour of moods, to return the gesture even for a fleeting moment. "Time just to ourselves sounds very, very nice… What'd you have in mind? I'm down for anything." The minute you pulled him across the welcome mat you decided you wouldn't mind watching the final episode of the season another time. Wrecker was here, and by happy coincidence, your schedules were completely free for the weekend. You could stay up as late as you liked.

"You wanna go for a bite? Or maybe go take a walk?" Wrecker offers. You like the idea of a casual walk, now that it's cooler. You glance at your footwear, a pair of sandals, and think for a moment it'll be smart to put on a pair of closed-toed shoes. "A walk sounds nice," you reply brightly, "You wanna go… uh, how about by the lake in the park?" 

Wrecker grins at the idea. He's got such an infectious smile that gives you butterflies in the pit of your stomach and a booming, boisterous laugh that you just loved. "Sure, tha' sounds nice! Been meaning to go see it one'a these days, but I'm busy helpin' my brothers with work most of the week." He'd love to go check it out with you, he says. 

Going to the lake took you past Wrecker's house, all dark save for two windows. Tech's, of course, and you believe the second is another brother of Wrecker's who's moved in only recently. 

You haven't had the opportunity to meet him yet. You hope to, one day, when he's ready. 

"He's… been through a lot. One'a our other brothers thought it might be a good idea if he came and lived with us for a bit. Quieter. Less people." 

"How many brothers do you have, Wrecker?" 

He had laughed, scratching nervously around the back of his head with a great shrug. "I dunno, honestly. I have a lot of brothers. But, I get along best with Hunter, Tech and Cross… So I hope I get along with Echo too." 

"I'm sure you will, Wrecker. You're friendly and kind and sweet… a-and um…" Your mouth had gotten away from you, then. You had only been friends back then, and you'd slowly grown closer, grown feelings for this gentle giant. You were that close to blurting out that you thought he was handsome, cute even, down to the scar and replacement eye that was a result of an accident on one of his very first job sites. He had said your name with that same jovial laugh and winning smile and, jokingly, asked, "What? You gonna say I'm cute or somethin'?" 

That's all it took. Just a few months later, here the two of you were, playfully bumping into one another as you entered the park hand-in-hand, making jokes and laughing together. 

"No-no-no, that's not what the joke means!" you insisted, feeling the ache in your sides growing the more you laughed until you were nearly breathless. "You realize Cross is messing with you, right?" 

"Yeah, 'course I do!" he replies, "But so am I! It's jus' how the two'a us are. It's a lot of fun to purposely misunderstand a joke and see how long it takes before Tech can't take it anymore. Our record was two hours. Hunter even joined in!" 

"But I thought he hated it when you and Cross goofed off on your job sites." 

Wrecker grins through mischievous laughter. "Naaah. Hunter goofs off on job sites just as much as us when we can get away with it, but he's more… subtle about it. Unless he wants to show off to our older brother Cody. He's a contractor and the one who suggested the job to us; so we try an' behave a little more than usual when he comes to check on how construction is going." Wrecker explains. They've been part of the crew who initially came in to renovate some very old apartment buildings here in this little, growing city, but overnight the sign that had previously said "RENOVATIONS UNDERWAY" for the first few weeks became "DEMO AND REBUILD". Now you know why; Cody's the one who made the call on that, and you wonder why the sudden change. 

"Oh, huge infestation that went untreated for too long. I don't remember what Tech calls them or what they are, but Cody said it was gonna be better to scrap everything and build fresh. I ain't complaining!" 

That was something you appreciated Wrecker for. He complained about very little. He was often optimistic and in high spirits. Happy to do almost anything he was asked so long as he was with his brothers and didn't have a want of food. All that manual labor makes a person hungry, so it doesn't surprise you to find him snacking on something if he's left to his own devices and the thought comes over him. 

Actually, in fact, you hadn't just walked past his house on the way to the park: you briefly came inside so he could throw a few things into the cooler bag he takes to his job sites (he, Hunter and Cross bounced between at least two or three sites if Cody needed a few more hands for something on a particular day) and have a little picnic on the grass with you. You both took care to be quiet so as not to disturb his brothers. Wrecker did however bump into Crosshair in the kitchen, who took one look in the lunch bag and said "Unless you plan on drinking that kriffing disgusting lake water, I suggest you take something to drink, too." before he snatched a few slices of cold pizza from a box in the fridge and shuffled off. 

Not much of a talker, Crosshair. But that's okay. 

"How's this for a spot?" you ask, coming across a bench after walking roughly one half of the man-made lake. Walking and talking with Wrecker was enjoyable, the late-summer air carried by a gentle breeze across the water was cool and soothing here. Not too far from the water's edge, and you could hear some of the lake life, little frogs, croaking and singing in the reeds and lily pads from here. Wrecker nods approvingly, setting down the cooler bag. "Perfect! Here, made this for you. Sorry if it's a little smushed or if I forgot a condiment." 

He offers you a brown paper bag, and inside, you find your favorite sandwich you often throw together when you need a quick bite to eat. "Aww, you made this for me? Wrecker that's so sweet of you, thank you." You bite into it with eager anticipation, and it's definitely the way you like it. "Oh Maker," you moan blissfully, chewing slowly to savor it, "that's a good sandwich." Wrecker smiles bashfully as he takes a seat beside you on the bench, unwrapping his own sandwich. 

"Did I-?"

"No, not a single missing condiment." you tell him. Shyness and uncertainty turn to pride for the man beside you. 

"Oh, good! I made it kinda quick-like from memory so we could get goin' without bothering my brothers." He takes a bite of his own sandwich, and allows himself to chew thoroughly before he speaks again. "I, uh, I make everyone's lunch in the mornings. Except for Tech's sometimes, he's pretty particular about what he takes to his lab." 

You think back to what Tech's job is, but the proper name for it escapes you. "He works in the… preservation department at the local museum, right?" 

Wrecker bobs his head as he takes another bite of his sandwich, smaller this time. "Yeah. Works in at least three labs. Real smart. Like scary smart. He'd get bored if he worked in just one lab. And because I don't remember what lab he goes to on what days, he and I agreed it'd be best for him to make his own lunches most days. Oh, I almost forgot! Here!" He reaches into the cooler bag again and pulls out one of your favorite, non-alcoholic, bottled beverages. "That's for you. Can't have a proper picnic without something to drink." 

Wrecker's attention to detail, his memory of things he's learned about you only very recently, it all makes you feel giddy and warm inside that he's so incredibly attentive to your likes and dislikes. Other romantic partners, whether they had been potential or well and truly established, had not been quite so aware like Wrecker. What had taken others five months or more to remember that you did not like on your pizza, Wrecker had remembered in just five days. 

Hunter had called your name from the kitchen, ready to place an order from a little place new to town called Gregor's Grub-hub and asked what toppings you liked on your pizza, apologizing for not remembering what you had taken from the assortment of pizzas the crew offered to share with you when you stopped by Wrecker's job site to return the comically oversized jacket he loaned you. 

"That's okay, I remember!" Wrecker had declared from the couch as the two of you sat together, trying (and failing) to take this board game seriously. It was just so much more fun to bend the rules or try stacking all the game pieces. Whatever silly idea possessing the pair of you was swiftly entertained. 

It was just so easy to have fun with Wrecker. He found joy in the little things. And he cared so deeply about his brothers. He cared so deeply about you. 

You crack open the bottle, and together the two of you mock-toast to this late-night, lakeside summer picnic the pair of you took on a whim. You're so glad to be out here with him. Just the two of you in the light of the full, silver moon hung in the sky above this beautiful park, serenaded by the frogs and distant cicadas in the trees.

"Thanks Wrecker. Cheers!"

"Cheers!" Wrecker laughs brightly, the sound as bubbly as the lapping waves of water against the shore, and as distinct as the ping from the phone in your pocket as your phone begins to blow up with news about the final episode of the season you originally planned to watch tonight. (Damn. Maybe the dashing rogue will pluck up the courage next season.) You can't even be mad about the spoilers. 

You're enjoying this rare evening together with Wrecker far, far too much to be annoyed about that. 

"Nice night for a date…" you murmur fondly, leaning into Wrecker's side as you sit on the bench and eat some of the other snack foods out of the cooler bag now that the two of you have finished your sandwiches. "... thanks for the late, lakeside picnic, Wrecker." You giggle softly when he shyly asks if you're okay with a little kiss on the cheek. He kisses the top of your head for good measure as well, emboldened by the smiles and giggles. "Yer welcome. We should do this more often." he says, looking out over the glimmering water with you. 

You should do this more often. Maybe the next time you come here, you can take him here in the sunlight and come feed the waterfowl on a day that his brothers could get by without his help. Crosshair didn't need help the clambering up onto the scaffolding so he could do his job as a roofer, but he often let Wrecker help him because it eased his brother's fear of heights, or the fear that Cross was going to fall from the scaffolding again after a really nerve-wracking incident, more rather. 

A strong gust of wind had ripped through the construction site before the structure had been secured against the frameworks, and his brother had lost his balance. Wrecker had been there to catch him in the nick of time. 

"Maybe it gets under my skin a little that my brothers make fun of me for my fear of heights," Wrecker admitted somberly to you in private shortly after the scare. "But I'd never willingly let my brothers fall. I'll always be there to catch them… if I can." 

Once the two of you have finished most of the food from the cooler bag, you diligently pack away all of your trash until you pass by another trash can. "Let's finish walking around the rest of the lake. Then let's maybe call it a night." you suggest. It's too nice a night not to. You just hope the city police don't come along and spoil the moment by suggesting that you need to leave, since park lock-up happens at 12:30. It's only midnight, and the rest of the lake won't take long to walk at a decent pace. 

Common opinion is that some of the force can be overly stern, even how the chief of police is characterized as "heartless", but you've come to understand that these officers with red police cruisers (an unusual color choice) are decent men. They're just chronically overworked. You feel for them, now. They're only doing their jobs, however unpopular it might be. 

Thankfully, where you'll complete your full circuit of the lake with Wrecker is not too far from one of these entrance and exit gates that are found along the wall of the gated park. 

Joking and laughing with Wrecker once again puts a pep in your step, now that the two of you are comfortably full and content with the late-night meal. 

Wrecker suggests walking a little closer to the water, just before you leave. Give the lake a closer look, maybe see if he can't get a picture of one of the frogs for Tech. "He could probably tell us all about 'em! Tech loves that kinda stuff… sharing what he learns with people." Wrecker says with a grin as he quickly snaps a photo of a plump frog resting on a lilypad. He's carefully crouched on the edge of the bank in order to get it. You creep down closer to the waterline so you can take his phone for him so he can use both hands to pull himself back up the slightly steep bank. The water is deep here, and you're both hoping to avoid falling in.

"Here, I got it." you offer, holding out your hand. 

You slip on a slick patch of grass and mud as you collect his phone, and as luck would have it, the sandal slips off as you stumble and it falls into the lake with a splash.

Wrecker had caught you before you fell in as well. "Gotcha, cyare! Are you okay?" 

"I'm f-fine," you assure him with a tiny stammer, glad you hadn't dropped his phone or fallen in. "Just lost my shoe. Thanks for catching me." 

"Of course, cyare. Didn't think I'd only be there to catch just my brothers, didja?" He's teasing, of course, but the question makes you flush. No, of course you didn't think that. 

Wrecker peers down into the water, trying to see if he could spot your sandal. Man, why didn't you change into something with laces? You'd thought about it and everything, but you were just so excited about spending time with Wrecker that you dashed out the door without giving it a second thought… 

A car door closes in the distance. It sounds like it's from a car parked near the gate. Uh oh. What time is it? 

"Wrecker, we need to go, I think the-" 

He's up to his elbow in the lake water, carefully swishing his arm around while seeing if he can't find your shoe. "Just a second, I'll find your shoe and then we can go cyare." Wrecker promises, trying to settle your nerves. He's so focused on being sweet and helpful that he doesn't hear or notice the officer starting down the path. 

"Wrecker, c'mon, it's okay. It's just a cheap little sandal, we really should go!" 

The way Wrecker is hunched over the water on his hands and knees in the dim light of the moon, the officer mistakes the position for a starting dive and he calls out in warning. "Hey-! There's no swimming in the lake!" 

Wrecker falls in with a great splash, startled. He surfaces shortly, the water up to his chest. Okay, maybe the water wasn't as deep as you thought. "I'm okay!" Wrecker splutters, coughing up lake water. "I found your sandal!" 

You turn to the officer now standing on the edge of the lake, glowering down disappointedly at Wrecker. "I'm so sorry, sir," you say, "he was just trying to get my shoe and then I think you startled him an- O-oh, Officer Fox! I didn't realize it was you, I'm so sorry!" Fox didn't realize it was you, either, turns out. He speaks your name with great surprise, then takes another look at the sopping wet figure carefully climbing out of the water with your wet, muddy shoe in hand. "Wrecker?"

"Yup!" 

Officer Fox removes his peaked cap and scratches his salt-and-pepper hair with a weary sigh. "... I thought the two of you were a couple of kids or something. Got a call from a "concerned citizen" about some "hooligan youth" in the park. Some busybody of an old man who's constantly inventing problems for me because he has his mind made up that I don't have enough to do…" 

You grimace sympathetically. "Mr. Sheev, again?"

"That old bat's still alive?" Wrecker asks disbelievingly. No one's quite sure how old Mr. Sheev is, but he looks like he's been dodging the grim reaper longer than it should be natural. 

There's a mutter from Officer Fox that sounds a lot like the word unfortunately before the cap is replaced and he has to do his job. 

"C'mon… park's locking up for the night, soon. And since you're wet," he nods to Wrecker, "and you're half barefoot," Officer Fox nods to you this time, "I'll give you a lift in the cruiser." 

Officer Fox takes you both back to Wrecker's place, watching the two of you from the car as you're huddled on the porch, wrestling with the ring of house keys. Darn things seem to make themselves invisible or slippery when they get the slightest inkling that you might be in a hurry to get inside. 

Wrecker says he'll have to mop up the water in a second, trying and failing at threading his house key into the lock with shaky fingers. Lake water was cold and he was soaked to the bone trying to do a kind thing by retrieving your sandal for you. 

Fox, the chief of police for the city, calls from the cruiser that Wrecker better get into some dry clothes soon, and not to feel bad about getting the seats wet. "Shit like this happens more than you think. I gotta ask Cody if he's the guy I gotta talk to about getting a proper walking path around the lake… as soon as I'm done with all this other kriffing paperwork. Goodnight." You help Wrecker get the key into the door and thank him for the lift. "You too, Officer Fox! Thank you again!" 

As the two of you try to squeeze inside, someone knocks over the coatrack bearing three high-vis vests and a crisp lab coat. "Whoops!" Oh stars, that clatter was sure to wake someone up… It was nearly one in the morning now. 

Wrecker's foot slips in the growing puddle of water, and trying to help him, or make sure that he's okay, you yourself trip over the coat rack and fall on top of him with a yelp. Once again, he breaks your fall, and tries to break the nervous tension with a corny joke after you both frantically apologize to one another. 

"Guess we're a couple'a angels if we keep fallin' for one another, huh, cyar'ika?" 

You can't help it. The joke is so silly and undeniably sweet coming from someone like Wrecker that if the coat rack, and then the two of you falling over and on top of one another didn't wake Wrecker's brothers, your laugh certainly would have. Four pairs of feet plod down the stairs at varying speeds, Hunter the fastest. He's fresh out of bed in nothing but a pair of red and black boxers, face wracked with confusion. Wrecker is soaking wet and smells like algae. And you're now damp after having landed on top of him. Hunter was told the two of you were just going for a walk, how the hell did his brother and his date end up getting wet?

"The kriff are you two doing on the floor?" Crosshair yawns from up the stairs. 

"And why are you wet?" 

You smile apologetically up at Hunter, "Wrecker fell in the lake trying to get my shoe for me. I was trying to keep his phone dry after he took a picture of a frog for Tech and-" Your eyes dart further up the stairs when you hear Tech excitedly ask "A frog?" from behind Cross, and you spot the brother who must be Echo behind him. He's a little paler and his face is gaunt compared to the others. He looks rather disoriented and anxious after you probably woke him up so unexpectedly. 

"Oh… hello there; are you Echo?" 

He nods timidly. "I am. And you are…?" He seems surprised to hear you know his name, but he doesn't seem to recognize you. You wait as he carefully makes his way down the stairs, one step at a time. The horrible accident Echo had suffered from was some time ago, but three of his limbs haven't quite been the same since. Minor weakness and numbness, to your memory. You waited until he was closer to put out the appropriate hand to introduce yourself with a polite smile. "Nice to meet you. Officially." Echo manages apologetically. "Sorry, guess I didn't recognize you because I've only ever heard Wrecker talk about the person he's started dating." 

You smile reassuringly at Echo, and flash Wrecker a cheeky look when you hear he's been talking about you to his brothers. You're sure he would look just as flushed as you if the light from the kitchen wasn't so dim. 

"I'll get a mop and clean up the water," Wrecker promises Hunter when his brother takes a look at the floor by the front door after Wrecker picks up his cooler bag and dumps all the trash into the kitchen's garbage can. 

Hunter shrugs lazily. "Nah, don't bother. You two should go shower or something. I'll take care of it. Besides falling in the lake - apparently - was your walk nice?" 

"Oh yeah!" Wrecker says with a giant grin that you return when you share a look. "I think the two of us might do it again soon. This time without losing any shoes." 

You can only nod and laugh softly in agreement. The next time you go on one of these late-night walks with Wrecker, if this becomes a regular thing in your relationship, you are definitely going to start wearing better shoes with laces.

Note from Frost: The idea of Palpatine being a nosy cranky senior citizen who calls the police over "hooligan youths" having fun came out of nowhere but it tickled me too much not to include it lmao. (Poor Commander Fox...)

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