#I just tagged it the top ten or so most watched drama that would fall under this

[wen-kexing-apologist]

WKA Recaps QL 2024: Favorite Characters

Thanks for the tag @my-rose-tinted-glasses and thank you to @abstractelysium for the prompts! Since I have watched 60 QL (or adjacent) shows this year, I am going to keep this specifically to my favorite characters of the queer shows that came out this year, and exclude older shows that I watched this year. (Which is for the best because it would just be Namgoong all the way down). 

So here are my Top Ten in no Particular Order:

Akafuji Yuchiro- I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama 

I love me a little freak. 

This boy is such a loser idiot boy and I appreciate how unapologetic he is in his unrepentant, overflowing love for Aoyagi Hajime. I love that one of the barriers between him and Aoyagi getting together is that Aoyagi thinks that Akafuji is cold and detached simply because Akafuji is trying so fucking hard not to McFreaking Lose It over the fact he’s working with Aoyagi. And I mentioned this in another post before, but I think one of the most important things we got from Akafuji is his ability to set clear boundaries between fandom and reality. He can love Aoyagi as his fan, but he knows he needs to stop considering himself Aoyagi’s fan the second he realizes his feelings have moved into something deeper. 

Kasuga- She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat 

This is kind of unfair because I love all the women in this show. But Kasuga will hold the special place in my heart for standing up to her father and choosing herself and her found family over societal expectations and demands of the patriarchy. This feels especially important in a character like Kasuga who is so quiet, reserved, and relatively passive. We have seen other places where she hasn’t spoken up for herself, even in settings with people she loves and trusts (like when she wanted to go strawberry picking) and it is huge for her to actually make the choices she makes as they relate to her bio family. And I also think that it doesn’t feel like character growth that comes out of nowhere either, because she has been engaging in acts of resistance since the moment we meet her. As a child she was not allowed to eat as much as she wanted, but she allowed herself to eat as much as she wanted when she became an adult. Sure, it’s more a quiet act of rebellion, but I love it as an indication that Kasuga has always been strong, despite her more reserved nature.

Go Yeong- Love in the Big City

THIS IS MY FUCKING GUY! It is incredibly important to me and not only important but downright vital that I read this book before I watched the show. I remember discussing during book club that in the first couple chapters I was really struggling with Young as a character. Mostly because I had intense insight into his inner thoughts that I would not and did not get when watching the show. I knew, or at least sincerely hoped, that by the end of the book I would love Young as a character, and I was correct. And it was really important to me to see a performance of Go Yeong that would honor the book character, and I do sincerely believe that Nam Yoon So did just that. I do believe that Go Yeong appeared like I would expect Young from the book to have appeared had I not been inside his head. I really appreciated seeing his growth as a person throughout both the book and the show, and he will stick with me for quite some time. 

Cha Yeo Woon- Love for Love’s Sake

Another show where I love almost all of the main characters in it. But I want to talk about Cha Yeo Woon who cannot hate anyone as much as he hates himself. The -100 floating over his head was a major fucking blow, and I just love how readily he falls in to loving Myung Ha once he starts to have a little bit more faith in himself and the people around him. When that boy smiled for the first time the entire world got brighter. He is such a great character, and one of my favorites, because everything that character does and is and everything Cha Joo Wan gives to breathe life into that character means you can absolutely understand why Myung Ha goes through hell to save Yeo Woon. 

Wei Qian- Unknown

This man has been through so much, he has lost so much, he has gained so much, and he has fought tooth and nail for everything and everyone he loves. He is such a good character, desperately trying to hold his family together, as much as it sucks for him I do appreciate that we got a character with a chronic illness/chronic pain. It feels so rare when characters have been through shit that there are actually serious physical consequences for the abuse they have gone through. And again, a major reason why he is one of my favorite characters this year comes down to the absolutely killer performance from Chris Chu. 

Venice Barros- Marahuyo Project 

VENICE!!! WE GOT A TRANS GIRL IN A SHOW THIS YEAR!!!!!! AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND OUTSPOKEN AND SO SO SO FUCKING EMPATHETIC TOWARDS PEOPLE SHE LOVES WHO HAVE HURT HER BECAUSE THEY ARE SCARED AND GRIEVING AND TRYING DESPERATELY TO CLUTCH TO THE ONLY THINGS THEY FEEL WILL PROTECT THEM. God I love her, and her incessant rambutan eating, so fucking much, I am so glad that she exists and I am so glad she has people like King and Lorena and Lili and yes even Archie in her life, and I am even more glad that they (and Archie especially) have people like her in theirs.

If you have not gotten around to watching Marahuyo Project please take this as a sign to do so. 

Makoto- No One Cares for an Old Man’s Underwear

DAD OF THE YEAR! I loved watching his growth arc, knowing how much he loves his family and how that love is what really causes him to start re-evaluating his worldview. Yet again there are so many incredible characters in here that I will carry in my heart as favorites. But I think Makoto especially deserves a shout out because he is still allowed to fuck up sometimes, and he’s still allowed to learn, and despite the fact that sometimes he stumbles and falls and ruins things, he makes me cry because he is devastated to have hurt the people that he loves, and he doesn’t give up. That is so goddamn important in a character like him. It would be so easy for him to hit his first roadblock and to simply throw up his hands in defeat and decide that it was all too hard and instead he just keeps trying and trying until he’s found his way back to his family, to friends, to a love and connection that he has not had with people in a very long time (or possibly ever). 

Shiba Ryoma- Love is Like a Poison

I cannot express how important it feels to me to have a character like Ryo, who is so serious and generally reserved have a queer awakening and just immediately lean in to it. He does not run from the idea of intimacy, and he does not back down in his love and support for Haruto. Which was such a refreshing surprise. This is a man who has until this point valued his career and his ability to win cases above pretty much everything else in his life. And it really felt like a moment of triumph for me to see him stand in front of his boss and be like “this is my boyfriend,” and to be faced with a choice between his career and his lover and to choose his lover. I’m glad Haruto and Ryo have each other and I am glad that his coworker has another queer person in the office (though I kind of suspect that he clocked Ryo before Ryo clocked himself). Also, he is responsible for one of my favorite scenes of the year. Squaring up only to immediately get his ass beat into the ground because why the hell would he know how to fight? Also, he is the plant dad of all time.

Lee Doe Hoe- Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo

Doe Hoe is such a good example of what the behavior of an abused child looks like. He is a really interesting and complex character that I appreciate having in my life. I kinda loved that despite how good he is at taekwondo he doesn’t fight with people. The great tragedy of not understanding why people would want to hit each other because he has grown up being physically abused by his father. I really liked (from a narrative perspective) that he was an incredibly successful student and that he continuously failed the college entrance exam, the way he falls as a student because of the anger and sadness and guilt that he carries for calling the police that day. This man is fucking frustrating in so many ways and yet I completely understand why he is the way he is and, similarly to Kasuga, I really appreciate the where and how he bucks convention and stands up for himself. He does not care about the optics around the way he handles himself at his father’s funeral, he does not grieve that man, so why should he pretend to appease the judgement of others? I’m really glad that having Ju Yeong back in his life gives him the inspiration he needs to try again to go to college, and while we do not get to know the results I truly believe that he will finally succeed. 

Sin Ju Yeong- Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo 

Y’all know I love myself a happy!sad and there are few people who so strongly represent the things I love about a happy!sad as much a Ju Yeong. That boy has been through so fucking much, and he hides a lot of his pain behind what I do believe is a genuine love and joy for life. But I think that joy for life, and the desire to spread joy to Dohoe really manifests in the recognition he has of himself in Dohoe’s sadness, and the knowledge that there are things he can do to help change that. I love Ju Yeong because he does not back down, he still carries shame around his sexuality (I see you cross necklace) but he will stand up for himself and he will not shy away from intimacy and desire. From a narrative perspective I love that that mask of brightness he had that was so blinding and attractive to Dohoe when they were kids is shattered when he loses Dohoe. Who we see when he’s in college and when he’s working a job is who he really is, and I love how much Dohoe tries to twist the knife in Ju Yeong by pretending like Ju Yeong wasn’t as lost and alone and hurting as he was just because he would make himself smile. I love how much of Ju Yeong’s character makes sense because his entire life has just been abandonment after abandonment from people that he loves and cares for. That he takes punishment to spare Dohoe, that he does not let Dohoe push him away when they reunite as adults, that he tolerates a lot more of the nasty shit that Dohoe tries to say to and about him because he cares and he knows that Dohoe scares. I love that Dohoe’s hatred of violence is what causes Ju Yeong to lose his control and kiss Dohoe for the first time, and that it is violence that Ju Yeong resorts to both to protect Dohoe and then later to help Dohoe set himself free by trashing the dojo.

tagging @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup, @solitaryandwandering, and @emotionallychargedtowel, @happypotato48

[harocat]

Would anyone be interested in a costume Cdrama zine? Xianxia, historical, wuxia, and xuanhuan.

Not something I’d think too hard about putting together until the mini bang is over, and I would need some other mods of course. However, I have headed up a successful zine before.

[radiowrites]

I posted 2,064 times in 2022

14 posts created (1%)

2,050 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@goneahead

@talesofsorrowandofruin

@distance-does-not-matter

@smittenbypoetry

@writerscreed

I tagged 2,057 of my posts in 2022

#writing - 1,290 posts

#lmao - 473 posts

#art - 211 posts

#fanfiction - 206 posts

#ghost hunt - 122 posts

#eye candy - 104 posts

#kpop - 85 posts

#fanart - 83 posts

#fma - 40 posts

#music - 35 posts

Longest Tag: 114 characters

#yeah i’ve learned if i want english language fanfic for a korean drama i’m probably going to have to write it haha

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Ten Random Lines

Rules: Pick any ten of your fics, scroll to the midpoint, pick a line (or three) and share it. Then tag ten people.

I was tagged by @radio-chatter! Thanks so much. This one looks fun!

Tagging: @writercorianarose @thedemoninthecorner @dreams-of-kalopsia @shesailsships @eyeliner-vampire @alonelyturtle @goneahead @csakuras and anyone else with fanfics they want to play this game with!

Ah, nothing like finding an error in a years old fic when doing a tag game...

Anyway, on to the lines. I jumped all around with the ages of the fics, and tried to do so with the fandoms, but if you are familiar with my works, you know that Ghost Hunt will dominate the list.

House of Memories / Fandom: Memorist (k-drama)

We’re not that close, she had told him, even if it had been slightly in jest. She had no right to watch over his restless slumber.

2. Day One / Fandom: Ghost Hunt (manga)

Only Mai could recognize the slight hitch of emotion in his voice.

3. Fix Me / Fandom: Ghost Hunt (manga)

“What do I need to do? Give over some blood, recite some spells?”

4. Unchained Melody / Fandom: Tale of the Nine Tailed (k-drama)

The moment broke when the music on her phone changed to something harsh and jarring.

5. The Last of the Real Ones / Fandom: Ghost Hunt (manga)

Luella told Eugene she believed him, of course. Mainly because she knew Oliver wouldn’t mess up his room for a prank. But no, she had not felt it.

6. Rebel Just For Kicks / Fandom: Final Fantasy XV (game)

Noctis pulled the truck to the side and went around the car. Ignis could see the fear-stricken faces of the passengers within.

7. A Noble Vow / Fandom: Pandora Hearts (manga)

She didn’t want to fall into another stupor and risk saying something stupid again.

8. Lost in the Echo / Fandom: Ghost Hunt (manga)

He dropped her off about a block from her home, and they never saw each other again.

See the full post

8 notes - Posted December 11, 2022

#4

2021 Fic in Review

Tagged by @radio-chatter! Thank you! ^^

Hi, I’m RaisedonRadio & FortressofmyPast on AO3 and FF.net. This is a tradition going on for years! Check out my prior year end posts: 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015.

Total Number Of Completed Works: 2

Total Word Count: 4729

Fandoms I’ve Written In: Ghost Hunt (Japanese anime/manga), Memorist (Korean drama).

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected?

Less. This past week I had hoped to finish another WIP, but instead I took the time to digitize a bunch of writing that had been trapped in notebooks. It was actually a lot of fun, there were so many stories I had forgotten about. But, do you know what this means? I ADDED SO MANY WIPs. -_-;; XD

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year?

I like them both for vastly different reasons.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year?

I wrote for a fandom that only had two other fics in it - one in a language I don’t speak and one a crossover. It was fun because I had to know I was going into it with no anticipation of reader interaction. Truly had to write it because I wanted to.

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year?

I’d definitely like to write more. Finish a few of these WIPs hanging around.

Most Popular Story Of The Year?

It’s not right to pit these two fics against each other, they are for very different fandoms, and I literally published the one on December 27th, so…

But I do like to compare the stats for AO3 and FF.net: Call You Mine had 6 reviews/29 favs on FF.net, and 6 comments/34 kudos/9 bookmarks on AO3. That’s a big deal, in the past years Ghost Hunt fics would get much more interaction on FF.net, now AO3 is breaking even.

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion:

I appreciate every comment, kudo, and fav. I know I say this every year, but it’s true. I write for relatively small fandoms and whenever a reader takes the time to say hi, my heart glows.

Most Fun Story To Write:

Call You Mine. I went into it with the desire to make something incredibly fluffy as a birthday gift and I think I succeeded.

See the full post

10 notes - Posted December 31, 2021

#3

First Lines Tag

Thanks for the tag, @talesofsorrowandofruin!

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag some of your fellow authors!

I did a similar game to this a long time ago! It’ll be interesting to see if my opening style has changed any.

These are all fanfictions that can be found on my AO3. They were written from 2021 to 2017 are listed starting with the newest.

Some observations I found:

16 of the 20 are under 15 words long.

1 out of the 20 is in first person (but 3 of them could be, if just from the opening line.)

17 of the 20 introduce a character by name.

3 of the 20 open with dialogue.

My favorite? Probably from Rebel Just for Kicks.

Tagging!

@writercorianarose @thedemoninthecorner @dreams-of-kalopsia @radio-chatter @csakuras @scribblesandsorcery and anyone else that has first lines they want to share! Tag me!

1.

At first, Seon Mi didn’t give the last words of Jin Jae Gyu any weight.

- House of Memories, Memorist

2.

It was the weekend.

- Call You Mine, Ghost Hunt

3.

Masako Hara paused at the street corner.

- Waste It On Me, Ghost Hunt

See the full post

12 notes - Posted January 21, 2022

#2

I think I made like one post about Nanowrimo this month, but just wanted to say whoa! I hit 50k words! I had no idea what to expect going in when I had decided to start barely two weeks before November.

I definitely challenged my perfectionism when it comes to writing first drafts and just getting the words down, and that was my goal.

I’m ready to leave these characters alone for a bit and go dust off a few fanfictions starting in December, ha!

13 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

Oh interesting, I've never done this before!

Since 31 of my 45 fics are from the manga/anime Ghost Hunt, that's going to dominate the list, but I'll stick in one different fandom just to prove I do write occasionally for others!

Hello everyone, I am RaisedonRadio & FortressofmyPast on AO3 and FF.net. Here is five of my favorite works by yours truly.

Lin's List

A list of 25 things for Lin to refrain from - and keep Oliver from doing - during their stay in Japan. As suggested by Madoka Mori.

A humorous little oneshot under 1000 words. An oldie that has aged well.

The Last of the Real Ones

Being determined to expose them all as frauds might mean losing a piece of himself along the way.

I will admit, I am a oneshot writer. So here is one of like, two chaptered works in my portfolio (not including oneshot collections).

A piece that focuses on a young Oliver when his paranormal skills start to take over his life.

Same Old Lang Syne

Should old acquaintances be forgotten, and never brought to mind?

A post-series look at if the gang drifted apart. Yes, it's based after the Dan Fogelberg song.

Lost in the Echo

Can you call it a reunion if you’ve never met before?

A look into one of Ghost Hunt's biggest mysteries - the death of Eugene Davis.

And the honorary mention fandom, for a kdrama titled Tale of the Nine Tailed:

Unchained Melody

He’s teaching her to drive, why can’t he teach her to dance, too?

I don't normally fall for non canon couples, but I fell hard for Rang and Yu Ri.

Thanks for reading!

14 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cherrybyunss]

Ship: Haechan x Reader Word Count: 1.6k Tags: Smut, Explicit, Oral (F receiving), Fingering, Dirty Talking, Overstimulation

An excerpt from When It Gets Risky: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31129871/chapters/76918949

Excerpts Masterlist

_________

You met up with Donghyuck again in the lunch break. You wondered if it was gonna be a recurring theme now. You didn’t mind.

Donghyuck was amazing. The feeling of his lips against your skin made you want to let go of all your restraint.

“Hyuck, you’re so good!” You said, the words coming out as a moan. He smirked against your skin.

Donghyuck had you leaning slightly backwards on the table closest to the entrance, your hips against its edge. And as his hands traveled up your thighs, getting dangerously close to where you needed them the most, you stopped him. He pulled away, eyes hooded, and raised an eyebrow. “What’s up?”

“As hot as it sounds in theory, you’re really gonna fuck me in the library?”

“I’m not fucking you yet.”

You rolled your eyes. “C’mon, let me make you feel super good in the time we have instead.” You said with an innocent smile, dragging your hand down his torso. Donghyuck stopped you this time grabbing your wrist in a firm, almost painful grip. You looked at him, puzzled. “You don’t wanna?”

He stared at you for a second. “Are you playing hard to get?”

You paused. You weren’t.

You let a smirk appear on your face.

“So what if I am?”

It was only a second’s wait before he grabbed your jaw and turned your face to face the side, as he leaned in further with you still pinned against the edge of the table. “Being a brat will get you nowhere with me, you get that?” He whispered, his breath hot against your ear.

You scoffed and slapped his hand away. You did want him to fuck you, probably more than he did. You’d wanted to wait till you hooked up with at least one of the other two in at least some way before you went too far with Donghyuck, but if this was what he wanted, then you decided, so be it.

“What? You wanna fuck me so bad?” You grabbed his tie and pulled him closer. “Well then let’s see what you’ve got, yeah? You better make me feel so good that fucking you is the only thing I can think of for the rest of the day.” You said with a slight dominance in your voice. “Make me want you.” Letting your lips hover over his ear for the last bit. You were trying not to, but now that it had come down to it, you really could use Donghyuck to distract you from all the drama you were better off without.

Donghyuck had to hold back a smirk. Almost as if it was all he’d been waiting to hear, he grabbed your thighs and pushed you on top of the table smacking his lips onto yours, with an unprecedented hunger. You could feel the need in the way he kissed you, making you want to reciprocate ten folds.

He pulled you closer and aligned your clothed core with the tent in his pants before grinding against you with a painfully slow pace, earning a groan from you. He loved the reaction, you judged from the way he pulled his lips away from yours for a fraction of a second, before latching onto them again, soon moving down to suck new hickeys onto the very sensitive, already marked spots on your neck that you’d try so hard to cover up, making your mind and body go haywire.

His hand, in the mean time, traveled up your thigh between your legs, carefully massaging the skin too close to your heat for comfort.

Following a few whimpers of encouragement from you, the pad of his thumb carefully caressed your clothed folds. You bit down a moan so hard, you probably drew out blood.

“Fuck, you’re so wet.” He whispered. Then looked at you, “Can I?”

Earning a nod from you, his fingers dipped underneath the thin layer, spreading your folds apart to get a good look at you, making your breath hitch. He glanced up at you, savoring the deep breaths and the sultry anticipation on your face, probably knowing damn well how good he was about to make you feel.

And so it began, the pad of his thumb worked your clit like it was all he’d ever done, worked your body like magic.

“Fuck! Hyuck! Please, please, please don’t stop!” You threw your head back in absolute ecstasy. You could feel a knot forming in your stomach already. You could see why he’d been that confident. He had every reason to be.

When you opened your eyes and looked back down at him, you found him staring at you, intently, lips slightly parted, almost as if he was getting off on your reaction.

He increased his pace and leaned in to swallow all the moans that left your lips. Your body probably gave it away when you felt yourself get dangerously close, knuckles turning white from fists clenched too hard, legs trembling from the pleasure, and toes curling in your shoes, for he lightly bit the lobe of your ear. And just with that, your orgasm washed over your entire being. “Yes,” He breathed out against your ear. “Just let go.”

But, he didn’t stop at that.

“Hyuck?! What the fuck are you doin– Ah!” You cried from the overstimulation as Donghyuck’s thumb kept up its pace against your clit, and reflected no signs of coming to a halt. “Hyuck– Pleas–”

“Shh, you’re doing so well, baby girl.” He spoke against your neck. “Just a little longer, okay?”

Whatever you would’ve said next was cut off as he slid one, then two finger inside you, knocking the air out of you, and replaced by the whiniest moans he’d ever heard.

“You sound so fucking hot, babe.” He said under his breath. “So fucking hot for me.” He worked his fingers in and out of you with ease, owing a little to your previous orgasm, and you cried out as you felt your next build up in the pit of your stomach.

“Fuck!” You screamed as he curled his finger inside you and fastened his pace, hitting all the right spots over and over again, leaving you to writhe underneath him. You saw stars as he pushed a third finger in.

Your second orgasm came faster and harder. You barely managed not to scream his name loud enough for the people out in the corridor to hear.

Before you could ride your orgasm out, Donghyuck got your underwear off in a flash, letting the cold air hit your hot sex, making your squirm, and lightly pinched your clit.

“Ah!” You cried. “Hyuck! Please! At least give me a minute, I really can’t–”

“You know what we talked about.” Hyuck said, with not a hint of understanding or empathy in his voice or his eyes. “I really gotta, I’m so sorry.” He said as he kissed you, pulling away with his eyes on yours, and then brought his face between your legs, holding them open in a grip too firm for you to combat.

He licked up your slit and started lapping his tongue against your oversensitive clit with absolutely no forgiveness. You felt tears well up in your eyes at the feeling of your third orgasm forming inside you. You grabbed Donghyuck’s hair as you cried, your hands desperately needing to grab onto something. And your legs trembled, having no strength left in them. “Hyuck– Ah!”

You cried out as you came for the third time, and watched him swallow everything right up. You knew you were at his mercy. And you knew you were fucked when he didn’t get up.

“Hyuck, please don’t tell me–”

“Babe, please.” He said, mercifully sparing you a couple seconds to rest as he kissed up your thigh, caressing your skin in a light, heartening manner. “You look and sound so hot, I just can’t get enough of you. Just once more, please?”

His words, along with his breath against your heat, made you squirm. You took a deep breath. And gave in. And he got the sign and went right in, again, throwing you right over the edge.

You yelped as he slipped in a couple of fingers inside you to add on to the stimulation from his tongue. “Fuck!”

He worked your body like he’d known it for years. The rhythm and pace so perfect, you would think it wasn’t real if it wasn’t for the tears trailing down your cheeks. You had not managed to stop your tears from falling this time around. The overstimulation was too strong and intense for you to be able to handle. You squirmed and cried, and finally, let your fourth and final orgasm wash over you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You exclaimed as you rode out your high with Donghyuck’s help, finally getting to catch your breath.

Donghyuck got up, never taking his eyes off you. You were crying. He leaned in and kissed your tears away. “I’m so sorry babe, did I hurt you?”

He knew the answer. You firmly shook your head anyways. “It was–” you tried to speak in between pants, “It was the best thing I’ve ever experienced.”

Donghyuck smiled and kissed your lips. “As I’d promised.” And then your jaw. “Thank you for being such a good girl.” He said against the lobe of your ear.

You took a sharp breath, earning a chuckle from Donghyuck.

“Can you stand?” He asked. You looked at him with puppy-like eyes. You had no confidence in  managing to do that yet. He laughed again. “It’s fine, take your time.”

You fell forward onto his chest as your body finally entirely relaxed. “I’m so tired…”

Donghyuck caressed your hair, tucking the strands falling on your face behind your ear. “I’m sure, you did so well.”

_________

Read the entire fic here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31129871/chapters/76918949

Excerpts Masterlist

[sushishorts]

got tagged in this cherry magic meme and i figured i'd do it..... like after ten years, what the hell sushi

1. Favorite character

i go on and on about kurosawa, but do not be fooled. adachi kiyoshi is my favorite and i'll defend him for the entirety of my life. i’ll be 80 and my siblings’ grandchildren will be all “grandma who is adachi” and i’ll be like “he’s the best boy” and they’ll be like “go to sleep grandma you’re regressing again”

2. Character you relate to the most

i'd say adachi bc of the anxiety but i relate to tsuge a lot! mostly his go-getter attitude, and how he has the tendency to admit his feelings as soon as possible. but then again i'm aro now, so maybe fujisaki-san really is my queen. she has the best choice in nail polish too! 

3. Favorite quote from the series

this isn't from the drama, but my favorite quote is from the manga, where kurosawa says: "if adachi's firsts were all with me, i would definitely treasure each one."

the way i cried, my friends

4. Favorite moment in the show

can i just say everything. it's hard to choose omg. i guess one of the things that truly fucked me up was the sudden shift in episode 6 where kurosawa goes on about how precious adachi is to him and how he berates himself for almost losing the self-control he has been keeping for the past 7 years. mostly bc it wasn't truly explored in the manga, and the way machi portrayed it was so telling of the extent of kurosawa's feelings.

5. A character you think is underrated

udon-chan. i needed more of her and she must get her own show where she is voice acted by tonomi mineuchi. just because.

6. Which character would you absolutely be friends with

adachi, i think! i relate to his love of art, stationary, and just his general outlook in life, no matter how grim it could get. (for that, i'll be there for him!) he also has manga shelves i'd like to check out! maybe we can go out and check out the desserts around the city. i like sweets too mmmm

7. The moment that you fell in love with the show

definitely the scarf scene. i was gonna keep watching it regardless because the premise was interesting, but the scarf scene had me tearing up. it was beautiful, and with how awful 2020 was, the scene felt so comforting.

8. Top so-soft-it-might-be-illegal moment

one of the softest scenes, and probably one of the most underrated, is when kurosawa was helping adachi with the wound on his palm. other than the fact that kurosawa was so gentle with adachi, it also helps adachi understand that maybe they're not so different after all. just overall wholesomeness.

9. Favorite hands-are-for-the-gays moment

everyone shut up

10. Favorite Kurosawa making heart eyes moment

kurosawa: you’re doing amazing sweetie

11. Favorite Adachi x Kurosawa moment (i.e. when they invented tenderness)?

this one ;u; no one talks about how this was a mutual hug after kurosawa falls in love even more with adachi, and adachi realizes that he really likes kurosawa. it’s such a genuine reaction to feeling loved, yknow? 

also u can see how sonnu breaks character in this and that’s always fun

12. Favorite friendship moment

i like the scene where rokkaku was listening to minato talk about tsuge! i wish we saw more of them, honestly; i feel like their dynamic is super cute, and also points to the possibility that minato is the only one who keeps rokkaku that quiet. HAHA

13. Favorite overall episode

this is hard, but it's a toss up between episode 1 and 2! episode 1 was good at setting the premise, but episode 2 set the boundaries pretty well. we find out the extent of kurosawa’s feelings, but manage to see how much he’s willing to pursue it. we also see adachi starting to think about how he feels about the entire thing!

14. Top LMAO moment

comedy gold

15. A moment you could live without

STRAIGHT UP H O M O P H O B I A

16. One thing you’d change about the show

everyone has said it i think but the kiss scene, i guess. they could have done it! i’m so sure!

17. Someone you got to know because of the show or someone whose posts/works you enjoyed seeing in the tags

the entire tag of cherry magic has been such a delight!! everyone’s so talented wtf. how dare you all.

i’ve also discovered lots of korean artists in twitter bc of this show, and they are all so great. can i have some of yalls talent pls. (to specify: cheerrydada, _yammay, cafeMAHO, PaNoha_0605, etc.)

18. Describe the show in 3 words

please watch cherimaho

19. One moment from CM that always stays with you

general gist: adachi’s kindness, with or without the magic. he draws people in with his kindness. kurosawa fell for him because of it.

i just wish he was as kind to himself as he was to others, but yknow, he’s getting there!

—

TAGGING WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS. CAN YOU SEE THIS? I TAG YOU. no escape. one of us. one of us. one of us. one of us.

[watermelonlipstick]

Dreams, Chapter 8

If you haven’t read this series before, you might want to start on Chapter 1, or check out the Dreams Masterlist! Here’s the series description:

When Dean dies for good leaving Sam and his girlfriend (the reader) behind, they must figure out how to carry on without him. Alone, reeling, and unsure what to do next, trying to honor Dean’s memory and follow their hearts gets even more complicated when their nightmares become dreams that feel a little too real.

Title: Dreams, Chapter 8

Pairing: (past) Dean Winchester x Reader, (eventual) Sam Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 1416

Summary: A dream starts to change the reader’s perspective on her life with Sam.

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing, s l o w  b u r n

           It took weeks but the physical touch you’d gotten so used to came back one handhold at a time until finally it seemed like maybe Sam had made peace with The Sledding Incident. You never forced it, didn’t say anything because you didn’t want to push him away. Waiting felt like starving with a ten course meal on a silver platter in front of you, but it paid off. Whether he realized he was rewarding you or not, the space to let Sam process was met with absentminded hands slipped around your waist at the grocery store, non-secrets hummed into the skin of your jaw and neck as you stood just barely too close, loose pieces of hair tucked behind your ear when you washed glasses at the bar. The positive reinforcement limited the clinging you’d been doing since you’d first driven away from the bunker, knowing that the less you clawed at Sam for scraps of attachment the less he felt like you were in too deep to receive it.

           Repair by repair the cabin started to feel more like yours. The bathrooms got painted a faint baby blue that reminded you of long cloudless afternoons in Sioux Falls and Sam taught you some basic plumbing to fix the water pressure in the shower. It was only slightly less gross than you thought it would be, but Sam was so excited when you put the plumber’s joint caulk on perfectly that it made up for the limescale gunk under your nails. When you worked, Sam pretty much stopped playing podcasts and books, relying instead on an ever-changing kaleidoscope of music Dean would never have let anyone play in the Impala. Some of it you were pretty sure Sam didn’t even like, almost as if he was trying to learn a new culture by jumping in headfirst.

           You kept writing in your journal like you were sending letters back home to Dean from summer camp, giving little updates on the cabin or Sam or ridiculous drama you heard at the bar. At night you and Sam would talk about what should get fixed next and sometimes if you were feeling tough you’d watch Sam look up at the ceiling, hair splayed out on the pillow around him like a halo while he told a story about him and Dean growing up or times you’d been away from them on the road. Every once in a while you’d heard Dean’s perspective of the same event and would give them like a little gift to Sam. His eyes would go soft, hanging on your every word and letting his mouth quirk up a hair at the corners. You’d laugh together, often sadly but surprisingly sometimes not, winding into the crook under his arm and playing the tapes of the memories in your head.

           More and more frequently, you’d have good dreams—or rather, non-nightmares. Dean would get hurt and survive or you’d all be on a job together. Right before you woke up he’d be just about to say something important, warn you of something serious but couldn’t spit it out fast enough. It was frustrating, but so much nicer than waking up on soaked pillows that you just put it in a letter to Dean and tried to move on with your daytime projects and nighttime bar work. Some days it felt like you were going to be okay and then the next you’d be impaled on grief so hard you couldn’t even breathe around it. And yet, always Sam to tie yourself to and slide into the next day.

           It’s cold but bright, the sunlight reflecting and magnifying itself on the snow blanketing the landscape. Salt crunches under the tires of the Impala, just barely louder than the engine and enough to be aware of through a ZZ Top tape. You’re almost on the edge of drifting asleep on the windowsill when Dean grabs your arm.

           “Hey, come on, you can’t leave me.”

           The urgency in his tone jolts you alert. “Why? What’s going on?”

           “I don’t know how much time I have left. There’s a lot I need to tell you.”

           “We haven’t even picked up Sam yet,” you answer, in the self-assuredness of dream logic. “How bad could it be?”

           “It’s me, baby. It’s really me. Dead, everything, the works. I need you to focus, I don’t know how long I can stay.”

           Some small sub-sub-conscious part of your mind jolts to attention. It feels honest, or at least the closest to honest as you had wanted to be in a while. You let yourself indulge it.

           “You, like—really? It’s really…?”

           “Yeah, it’s me. I—I don’t know how to—” and you stop him with a furtive kiss, all hunger and no grace, just wanting to feel what it was like to be against him again.

           Dean swerves a little when his eyes open, momentarily dazed. “Christ, I forgot how good that was.”

           “I don’t—how are you…?” you murmur, having a hard time not only with the information but also with the juxtaposition of your conscious and subconscious knowledge.

           “No bullshit, I’m communicating beyond the grave. Don’t tell Miss Cleo,” he answers, the smirk twisting your stomach like a wrench.

           “Are you okay? If this is what it’s like to be dead then Sam and I will be here the second I wake up, we’ll just come to you—"

           “Babe, I wish you could but it doesn’t work like that. It’s not even really supposed to work like this but Cass is pulling some strings. I only have until your subconscious realizes what’s going on and kicks me out.”

           “What? How?”

           “The separation between living and dead is a little bit thinner when you’re asleep. It’s actually pretty cool but it’s going to take a while to explain.”

           “Okay, right, got to be fast. Fuck, I miss you so much.”

           “I miss you too, kid. More than I can explain. But listen, baby, I’m so proud of you for making it this far. It’s going to be okay, I promise. Sam will take care of you, and I know you’re taking care of him the best you can. I don’t know how long I have until you wake up. I’ll keep trying again to come to you, but until the next time I get to see you, my firecracker, you’re so tough. You can do a lot worse than Sam, and I would never, ever hold it against either of you. I’ve been trying to send that—been trying to ram my head through this fucking door about a hundred times by now actually—but if it hasn’t been coming through strongly enough, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what the fuck I’d be doing if it had been one of you—probably would’ve drunk myself to death by now to be honest—so the fact that you’re so worried about whether necking is going to raise my soul from the depths is actually sorta sweet. Love is complicated and the lines get blurred; I get it, especially now with some damned perspective. As long as I’m still going to be your guy when you get here, that’s all that matters to me. You’re it for me, kid.” He traces a light finger down the side of your cheek and it sends an ache straight into your stomach, makes him look lost for a beat as he takes you in.

           “Dean, I love you. I can't—I can’t even tell you how much I love you. I never got to say thank you for all the things you—”

           “Hey,” he says, grabbing your chin and holding you still to flick his gaze between your eyes. “I know. There’s no time. You don’t have to say that to me, I know. I always knew. I’m going to try to get to Sam too, but he’s—the angels are shocked at the shit that’s happening in his brain. Makes sense, you know, after everything he’s gone through, but I guess it makes it harder to slip through the cracks. But here: if I can’t do this again; if this is the last time I talk to you until you get back to me, I love you, and I’m going to keep loving you no matter what. The two people I love most in the world being together could never be bad to me, and I will alway—”

           And you woke up.

-

Continue to Dreams, Chapter 9

Thanks again for reading! If you liked it, check out my Masterlist or send me a request!

Tags: @sams-sass @vxnderlindes @deanwinchesterswitch @akshi8278 @itsjensenanddean @flannellover67 @weepingwillowphoenix @tj-drinks-tea @whatareyousearchingfordean @winchestergirl2 @winchest09 @samwisethegr8​ @fawnxng​ @nurse-sarahrn​ @lovers-in-japan-reign-of-love​ @deanwanddamons​ @stressedoutkitten​ @winchestershiresauce​ @tatted-trina6​ @percico-heronstairs​ @downanddirtydean​ @queenoftheunderdark​ @lyarr24​ @waywardwifey​ @thinkinghardhardlythinking​ @wonder-cole​ @sergeantsea​ @peachyafshawn​ @tjfinnigan​ @that-one-gay-girl​ @calaofnoldor​

And as always, if you want to be on my taglist, were on the taglist and changed your handle, or I lost track of it, please let me know!

[ziracona]

T2 was okay and it could have been really good—had some real moments. But it needed more script iterations, and it was too goofy. Goofy is fine in general, but Terminator works best as a sci-fi action-drama-horror mesh. That’s the peak atmosphere. Also just, they gave their new Terminator scary powers to keep him relevant, but there’s just...no way to really make anyone on screen look like a threat to Arnold Schwarzenegger you know? And they never overcame that and it throws off the whole underdog atmosphere. He just. Wasn’t scary. Not when he was trying to kill heckin Arnold the brick house.

I’m not gonna talk about T3 bc I feel like I don’t need to and I think I have a lot of support for that in the fandom, and I’m not gonna talk any Genysis bc no one ever should, and I know I have support there.

Dark Fate was fine, but I felt like they really didn’t have to kill off their Kyle expy like at this point the surprising thing and interesting one would be /not/ to kill him. That role has died in /every/ other film. Like we get it. But plot rehashes are only good if you have some kind of spin. Mostly though I just...would have liked T800 man’s personality in another context but you couldn’t ever sell me on him after watching him gun down a 10 year old in the open. Like what, he found a soul by being...bored? If you want to convince me of fundamental change in a person, you /gotta/ motivate it better. Show me. Don’t tell me and expect me to take your word. And there just wasn’t enough meet in some spots. I wanted more firm lore and a little less action. Like I’m not even a science-heavy leaning sci-fi fan but it still wasn’t enough. I liked it more than most of the others but it just wasn’t quite...meaty enough. Sarah still a queen. But T800 man didn’t sell and that was a real weak spot, and so was expecting us and Sarah to just...like and forgive him bc he had accrued a family. But also like. I enjoyed having a new protag, but feeling like so much, no, /all/ of the work and suffering of everyone in other Terminator films was for nothing bc it’s not even Skynet anymore it’s some other robots?? It kind just...didn’t really work. It makes everything more hollow like it’s not even Terminator anymore there’s no more Terminators. They should have just had it be Skynet but a different rebel leader, or more. Sarah goes on to mentor Dani instead since John is dead, /something/ to make it more the same franchise and not so hollow. Or if it’s gonna be gutted, go all the way and let us feel that, don’t blip it as a plot point once and keep rolling. There’s decades of character attachment for fans; either make that matter, or make it mourned because it’s dead. Don’t skim it and make it cheap. Also on a meta level it was kind of weird how they handled time travel compared to the norm for the franchise but I’m not going into that.

BUT. The Terminator? A cinematic classic. It’s just...such a good film. The characters work is solid the whole movie, and Reese and Sarah are both truly excellent protagonists also given ample time to explore and exhibit that. There’s so much you get in moments that show tiny things about them. The way Sarah handles getting canceled on and goofing with Ginger, her having a pet iguana she loves to cuddle, talking to the statue at work? And she’s smart and normal (I mean normal in a very complimentary way). Kyle is introduced almost immediately running from the cops, but even in the middle of a chase scene, he’s stealing clothes in a mall while evading flashlights, and little things like hopping while he runs to check shoe sizes give you so much right away. He’s clearly out of his depth but he’s smart and methodical and he holes up in a car he hotwires and has a ptsd moment waking up from a dream because of some heavy construction machinery. You don’t have him say much about himself at all but you get him taking a second to be nice to the kids and guard dog on his way back before a T800 attacks. Even though if you’re watching it classic, you have no spoken goal for Reese and all you know is he’s armed and /also/ looking for Sarah, like the man who has killed three people already is, you kind of aren’t very scared of him by the time he’s creepily following her into a night club. That scene is iconic too damn. Anyway. Her reactions to everything are so great. Only film I ever saw where I 100% felt the person on screen was reacting like anyone would to almost being killed and then getting kidnap-saved by some other guy claiming to be from the future like I’d bite him too, but you know, I’d also be pretty happy he saved me and also decide he was crazy and not like, dangerous, and try to keep the cops from killing him. It’s so cute he thinks anyone is going to believe him like hang in there Kyle baby, king. Love as soon as the Terminator hits the police station, he breaks out and goes to find Sarah, and she’s immediately like ‘so fuck this actually’ and looking for him too. The deleted scene in the motel woods. The slow character build. Him falling in love with her because of the picture where she always looked a little sad and he wondered what she was thinking about and you don’t find out till the last scene it’s him she was thinking about in that picture. A family can be two complete trauma disasters making pipe bombs in a motel. The top 5 cinema shots moment where you think they won and they think they won and they’re both injured and stagger to each other and collapse laughing and crying and hugging and it holds for like ten seconds before that fucking thing gets up and you see the rubble in the fire shift and Kyle sees it first. And the hopelessness and despair. Sarah just screaming no in rage because it’s so unfair. The little scaffolding fight?? Kyle doing what he does? Sarah winning with a broken leg? The picture? The heartbreak? A work of art.

Also just. They’re both attractive but like, they are not remotely airbrushed Hollywood pretty. Kyle’s got that big scar on his lip and they’re both sweaty and bloody and dirty and gross the whole film??? God yeah.

Terminator Salvation? Also a classic. You have a film not about the core cast exactly, but it’s very ensemble. You get early days war. And it’s from the very open a solid narrative about second chances and what it means to be human and they really do explore that the whole runtime. Markus dies and comes back more confused than you are in the apocalypse. Baby Reese is absolutely perfect. You get formerly executed for murder Markus somehow adopting like 20 year old Reese and 13 year old kid Star and they’re amazing. Rebellion drama, lore reveals. Reese’s devout faith in the cause and how fast he looks up to Markus and starts learning and Markus is like :[ but then he’s like ... :] because he god assigned two family members now. The tag team fights—how incredibly talented Star is. Guilt trip on a look to dropping cars, she’s super effective. Tbh Markus is just O_O to >:-[ the whole movie as soon as Reese and Star are taken and I feel it. You’ve got a guy who was killed for straying too far from human, come back as a machine, but he doesn’t know it, wondering if he deserves another chance and if he can change, and it’s really neat the way it unfolds. Even after losing so many friends to Terminators that look human, Blair refuses to believe he isn’t a human even if he’s also a machine and risks her life to save him, when they barely know each other. Markus getting like, tortured by the rebels, and still choosing to help them and be who he has decided he wants to be this time, even towards John. Even with better alternatives. And you have Star never having a moment of doubt, or Reese, and him getting to save them both, and them trying to help the other humans in line for extermination before he arrives. The hand hold with Star when his hands just metal. And he decides to die for someone he doesn’t even /like/ and who has personally hurt him a lot of times, because he knows the rebels need him to win. Anyway death row to death row but completely different people in the same body facing that same death differently are amazing if done well (see TWDG I mean ow) and it was a very simple core theme to latch to and very enjoyable executed and it got snubbed by fans when it’s the best sequel Terminator ever had.

[solohux]

happy 2021! i really hope we all have a better year this year but for now, here’s a list of my favourite kylo/hux fics that were published in 2020, ones that got me through days of lonliness and sadness to make me smile ✧

thank you fic writers of the kylux fandom! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

- keep in the dark (to stay out of the light) by howlingshame Modern AU. Smuggler Kylo Ren runs afoul of Armitage Hux, head of the First Order crime ring. Instead of killing him outright, Hux decides to keep him for his own instead. Kylo is none too thrilled with the situation, but Hux has plenty of patience. He wants Kylo to be his in every sense of the word, and they've got all the time in the world. [E, 247k words, warnings for violence, stockholm syndrome, sub kylo & dom hux]

- Please Remember I Love You by @bumblebae8 After murdering Snoke, Kylo Ren flees alongside Rey, returning to the Reistance and to his mother after ten years. They at once begin strategizing on how to take down the corrupt and evil First Order. [M, 65k words, no warnings, redeemed ben, skywalker family drama]

- Children of War by @starryartemis​ After a complicated diplomatic mission went awry, General Hux and Kylo Ren accidentally find themselves tasked with their most difficult mission: becoming parents. Despite their complex relationship, they both agree that raising an offspring will help bring glory to the First Order. Their original vision of a united family quickly falls apart as Hux and Ren cannot see eye to eye in what they want the future to hold. [E, 162k words, warnings for violence, kylux science babies, slow burn]

- I Should Live in Salt for Leaving You Behind by Asrael_Valtiri Of course, he’d betrayed Ren, to save the Order. To save himself and his people.To try to save Ren, in a way.Strange, Hux thought, closing his eyes against the glare of the overhead lighting. He pretended that the wetness escaping the corner of his eye was from the brightness. He failed.Stupid, he amended. Stupid, Armitage. [E, 65k words, no warnings, a TROS fix-it, kylo clones]

- Against All Odds by Kittens              Kylo really doesn't care for people, but he'll always help an animal in need. When he sees a dog covered in mud on a cold, rainy day, he can't help but try to help. What he didn't expect was for the dog to be a fox and the fox to be a man. [E, 49k words, warnings for violence, modern au, fox hux]

- Hadopelagic by DustOnBothSides [WIP] After a life of staying pharmaceutically heat-free, Hux has to allow his body to go through at least one natural cycle, lest there be consequences. He takes a shore leave and travels to a former omegan retreat, abandoned and all but forgotten after the fall of Old Republic. Ren, not knowing of Hux's predicament, decides to follow, suspecting treason. He finds something else instead. [E, 33k words, omega hux & alpha kylo]

- Sup From My Mouth by @atlinmerrick​ [Kylux Adjacent] Dolly Oblonskaya never precisely introduces her old friend to her children’s new tutor, no. She does put one lonely man in a room with the other again and again and again...and to her delight Konstantin Levin and Francisco Garupe take care of the rest. Or, this is the story of how an idealistic young Russian aristocrat helps heal a mourning young Jesuit priest, one very cold Moscow winter. [E, 58k words, no warnings, Fransisco Garupe/Konstantin Levin]

- Lighting the Fuse by hey_honey "What is going on?" Phasma asked when Hux returned from his meeting with Leia looking pale. He stared at her. "The Queen's son agreed to marry a First Order official on one condition," he said. "And?" Phasma encouraged. "That official has to be me," he said. [E, 30k words, no warnings, omega ben & alpha armitage, mpreg, ben is ruler of naboo]

- Across the Stars, I am Home by @venetumdrabbler [WIP] Before leaving to go undercover in the First Order, Armitage Hux had made promises. Keep an eye and report when able to the republic, and later the resistance. Keep tabs on the dark force user Snoke. And most important of all: Bring Ben Solo home. So far Hux had managed, or was managing, 2 out 3. Then there is an awakening. [M, 42k words, no warnings, jedi armitage au, slow burn]

- Pro Nobis Solum by CarelessHux (AraSigyrn)     Kylo Ren wakes after Starkiller.  Alone. [M, 8k words, no warnings, post tfa au, established relationship]

- sisyphus rolls his boulder to the top by yogurtgun     While trying to convince Rey to turn to the Dark on the Steadfast, Kylo feels Hux's presence in the Force disappear. [T, 6.7k words, warnings for violence, tros fix-it, temporary character death]

- i can make your dreams come by claquesous It feels like the small hours of the morning, the blurry in-between Hux calls early and Kylo calls late. “Can’t even make it through the night without a pillow to hump, can you?” Hux sneers. [E, 3k words, no warnings, somnophilia, sub kylo & dom hux]

- Knot Finished by Ki_Ken_Tai_Ichi  Kylo learns a bit more about Arkanis physiology through practical demonstrations. [E, 2k words, no warnings, hux is alien, top hux & bottom kylo]

- 90 Day Fiancé by @bostarsky​ & @sunnywritesstuff​ “Maybe that means you’ll be more inclined to choose me,” Hux hints, glancing over at a drone buzzing by with a sneaky look on his face. Perfect, he’ll create as much support for himself with the public as possible. "What I choose doesn’t matter,” he croons, making it sound as romantic as he possibly can to hide the true meaning of the words. [E, 38.5k words, no warnings, alpha hux & omega kylo, kylo amidala, creepy snoke]

- What if We Tried Again? by @penpenhooray​ Perhaps, but did Pryde bother to check if he was actually dead?Armitage Hux may be many things, but a fool was not one of them. So rather than stay with the First Order and watch it burn, Hux decides that faking his death would be preferable, leaving him free to tie up his one loose end. His ex-husband, Kylo Ren. But what happens when Ren...isn't quite Ren anymore, but just as "dead" as Hux? What happens if they face their feelings surrounding their failed marriage? What if they dared to try again? [T, 2.7k words, no warnings, tros fix-it, mpreg & miscarriage]

- Where Do You Go When You're Lonely? by @vadianna​ Fresh off a grueling undercover mission on an unpleasant Outer Rim planet, Kylo Ren wants to eat, drink, and sleep. Unfortunately, Hux is sitting at the only bar in the area. Thinking that Hux is there to brief him, Kylo soon realizes that Hux is off-duty, and has also never seen him without his helmet on.  Things escalate, and the two wind up finishing Kylo's mission together as they both get to know each other. [E, 29.3k words, no warnings, false identity, bottom kylo & top hux]

- Team Hux or Team Ren? by AdamJensens General Hux overhears a conversation between stormtroopers that opens his eyes to a competition between the troops of the First Order. He discovers his subordinates are not only loyal and devoted but also obsessed – Hux has fans. So does Kylo Ren, and there's a kind of war going on between the two groups calling themselves Team Hux and Team Ren. What Hux doesn't know yet is that there's a third group solely focused on shipping the two co–commanders. There's fanfiction, fanart and all kinds of crazy theories. Shipping, as Hux will soon discover, is a serious business. [E, 11.5k words, no warnings, crack treated seriously, mutual pining]

- Under Covers of Darkness by Camellia Cook (thekurosakiconundrum) Alpha twins Ben and Kylo have a somewhat unusual arrangement with their mate Hux: they're together, all three of them, and it's not strictly a Hux-in-the-middle situation. [E, 3.3k words, no warnings, threesome, sibling incest alpha ben & alpha kylo & omega hux]

- Share the Load by @emperorsvornskr​ Hux runs into Kylo while dealing with his unique Arkanan biology- and Kylo is dealing with some self confidence issues. It's a match tailor made for the both of them. [E, 6.1k words, no warnings, alien armitage hux, trans kylo, eggs]

- Safety in his arms by @redcole​ Kylo knows it's time to bond with Hux, he just wants to make sure that his intentions are clear. After all, it isn't often that an omega courts an alpha. [M, 3.2k words, no warnings, omega kylo & alpha hux, mpreg]

- Horny Hearts by @rattlesnake777​ [Kylux Adjacent] Techie has a new flatmate called Matt and all he can really think about is doing it with him... [E, 18.3k words, no warnings, Clan Techie/Matt The Radar Tech, modern au, misunderstandings]

- Collars and Kisses by koi_boi Kylo loves his little fox and has missed him dearly after a long mission away. Hux, not so much, or so Kylo thinks. Then he actually thinks for once and comes to A Realization™. They fuck, they cuddle, then they get soft and tender. Disgusting. [E, 3.4k, no warnings, fox hux, fluff & smut, dom kylo & sub hux]

- the chancellor's gift by @thethespacecoyote​ Supreme Leader Kylo Ren goes on a mission to retrieve something invaluable for his lightsaber-obsessed chancellor. However, his plans for presenting the treasure to Hux are unfortunately derailed when a group of insurgents kidnap the chancellor and hold him hostage, threatening both Hux's life, and the life of their unborn pup. It seems, even years into their reign, that there are still enemies foolish enough to try to take from Kylo what's his. [M, 5.3k words, warnings for violence, alpha kylo & omega hux, mpreg, protective kylo]

- Entrapped by @kyluxtrashpit​ While searching for a mysterious Force artifact for Snoke, a squadron of Stormtroopers goes missing. Kylo insists on going out alone then, certain he can find and face down whatever might have killed them and succeed in getting the artifact. The creature responsible, however, has other plans for him. [E, 3.4k words, rape/noncon, tentacle sex, protective hux]

- Your Chain Around My Neck by @bastila-s​ After the council meeting about the Sith fleet, Kylo asks Hux to stay behind and "prove" he isn't a spy. [E, 3.6k words, no warnings but dubcon tag, power dynamics, smut, dom kylo & sub hux]

- Regret by @abraxas-drake​ Kylo tries to get Hux to relax under the guise of a work discussion. When things go terribly wrong, Hux must rely on the new Supreme Leader to save his life. [E, 3.8k words, warnings for violence and threats of noncon, alpha kylo & omega hux, protective kylo, forced into heat]

- Invasion by sigo Hux was seated at the long durasteel table in the Steadfast’s largest conference room, Enric Pryde on his left and Mitaka presenting his findings to the group standing on his right, when he felt it: Ren’s hands on his chest, running hot down his skin below his uniform. [E, 2.9k words, no warnings, pwp, bottom hux & top kylo, force sex, semi-public sex]

- In His Grasp by @cosleia​ Kylo Ren doesn't understand why General Hux is shirking his duty over a simple injury. When he tries to find out, though, he learns more than he bargained for...about the general, and about himself. [M, 4.1k words, post-tlj, pining, hand-feeding]

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- Switch Up, Love Eternal by @onewhositswiththeturtles​ When Ren damages consoles aboard the Finalizer during a tantrum, Hux summons him for some much-deserved discipline. Perhaps there would be some hope for Ren learning the error of his ways if he wasn't such a whore for punishment. [E, 3.4k words, no warnings, dom/sub switching, smut]

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- Utapaun Christening by @mcducklet-blog​ Kylo Ren is determined to ensure that his children are the strongest creatures in the galaxy. Armitage Hux is willing to go along with it.Neither of them is ready for what that entails. [T, 6.6k words, no warnings, mpreg, knights of ren, peril]

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- Clear From Far Away by @pizzzazlut​ “But most of all, curse Kylo bloody Ren for having a chest that sparked pure, unadulterated arousal that has Hux humping his pillow like a fucking virgin.” Or the one where Hux is just trying to get off but his Supreme Leader just won't leave him alone. [E, 1.8k words, no warnings but dubcon, pillow humping]

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- Unexpected Avenues by @sinceyouaskedmeforataleof​ [WIP, Mitaka/Hux] No one wanted to take this particularly grisly task, but Dopheld is glad it fell to him when he realises that all is not as it seems. Can he make a new life on the run with his ex, now that everything he thought he knew has been turned upside down? [E, 84k words, omega hux & alpha kylo & alpha mitaka, mpreg, post-tros]

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- Our Impeccable Leadership by roseofgalaxies The Supreme Leader and his treacherous General have begun to collaborate with unexpected success. There's only one problem: Ren's stopped wearing a shirt. [E, 4.8k words, no warnings, lego holiday special, body worship]

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- to lay your armor down by surrenderer Once in a while, the Supreme Leader likes to wear his Chancellor’s greatcoat around the Capitol building. [M, 661 words, no warnings, role reversal, force sensitive hux & force null kylo]

- Benefits of Force Sensitivity by Kittens After the surprising change in his relationship with Ren, Hux has a lot to think about. But they also have a mission to complete and that may have unintended consequences. [M, 4.3k words, no warnings, force sensitive hux, cuddling]

[vodkassassin]

For SVSS- Gifts of jewelry, with spite.

I could have sworn I had another prompt asking for what the other peak lords thought of the cucumberplane friendship, and I was going to smoosh it together with this incredibly vague prompt, but I couldn’t find it lmao. Anyway, here @starfata

There are OC peak lords in this, including the POV character. Rong Qingsheng peak lord of the agriculture peak number 12, Ju Qingsong peak lord of the 11th peak, and I finally named the booze peak lord Shui Qingyu. That’s it, I think. Read away!

—

Shang Qinghua enters the peak lord meeting with a loud bang, slamming open the door with much more force than it really needs. Being the last one to arrive, everyone else is already seated and exchanging quiet conversation with one another.

They all jump when he comes in, and stare in confusion at the scowl that adorns his face. They watch in abrupt silence as he steps into the hall, at how his eyes zero in on a suddenly smirking Shen Qingqiu, and Qi Qingqi leans her shoulder into the master of the agricultural peak that sits next to her.

Rong Qingsheng raises his eyebrow at her, keeping one eye on the An Ding lord that stalks forward without looking at any of them to sit in his own seat with a noisy and very pointed huff.

Voice lowered, Qi Qingqi smirks at him. “How much?”

“For what, exactly, this time?” Rong Qingsheng heaves a quiet sigh, long since used to his martial sister’s gambling ways.

If there’s even a hint of wavering odds in the balance of the drama that occasionally befalls the inner workings of their sect, you can be certain that Qi Qingqi has a betting pool running behind the scenes of it.

“That’s up to you, isn’t it?” She asks, and Rong Qingsheng is never one to wager money in any of her ridiculous and time-eating schemes, but then again— despite speaking directly to him, she’s not exactly asking him.

Seated to Rong Qingsheng’s right, the peak lord of the beast tamers peak leans around him to eye Qi Qingqi with a sharp gaze and an even sharper smile. “What do you think the stakes are, that Shen-shixiong did something to piss him off?” He asks, eagerly, always one to fall into a bet.

“I think that it’s already clear that he has, indeed, done just that,” Rong Qingsheng says, placing a hand on the other man’s shoulder and pushing him out of his personal space and back into his proper seat.

Ju Qingsong pouts at him, the ridiculous man. “Yes, but the question is, did he do it on purpose, or on accident and is just pretending he did it intentionally in the face of Shang-shixiong’s anger?”

“Why would he do that?” Rong Qingsheng asks, confused.

“Because he’s a dick?” Ju Qingsong shrugs, and leans behind his back this time to make eye contact with Qi Qingqi. “Ten silver on Shen-shixiong doing it on accident, though. He’s a good actor, we can’t be sure he doesn’t have as much of a clue as to why Shang-shixiong is upset with him as we do.”

Qi Qingqi grins, pulling a loose sheaf of parchment out of absolutely nowhere — no, that had definitely come from in between her breasts. And a charcoal pencil, too? How does it all fit? Why.

Rong Qingsheng feels so tired, all of a sudden.

“Qi-shijie,” someone else murmurs, and Rong Qingsheng glances over his shoulder, already exhausted, to see Shui Qingyu of the brewery peak hunched behind them like he thinks he’s being sneaky. “Five silver on Shen-shixiong purposefully having antagonized Shang-shixiong.”

“All of you are idiots,” Liu Qingge grunts from where he’s sidled over to lean over Ju Qingsong’s table.

The rest of them eye him closely, and Qi Qingqi’s charcoal pencil pauses on its scribbling. If anyone were to have any sort of inside perspective of the odd friendship that exists between the Qing Jing and An Ding peak lords, it’s the Bai Zhan one. For some reason that probably makes no sense whatsoever, Rong Qingsheng is certain.

Liu Qingge continues, “Qinghua definitely started it.”

Immediately, Ju Qingsong rolls his eyes and leans heavily into Rong Qingsheng’s shoulder. He shoves the man away, once more, but he just returns, again.

“Shang-shixiong wouldn’t be this pissed if he’d made the initial insult himself, would he?” Ju-shixiong ponders. “He’s always been pretty good about taking responsibility for his own actions and accepting any retribution for them.”

Rong Qingsheng watches as Liu Qingge squints at their martial brother, and then reluctantly nods.

“He is,” the man says, tapping a finger thoughtfully to the base of his sword. “But…”

Qi Qingqi’s charcoal pencil shivers with anticipation as it hovered over her parchment. Rong Qingsheng isn’t sure it contains notes solely about the wagers, anymore. “Liu-shidi? What’s your insight?”

Liu Qingge makes a face, like having any sort of insight to it at all is a burden and insult to himself personally. “It’s different,” he eventually admits, “when it’s Shen Qingqiu.”

For some goddamn reason, isn’t vocalized, but all the peak lords exchange knowing looks anyway. Not even Liu Qingge, who’s closest to them, knows what the hell is going on there. Mu Qingfang might have a better take on the two ‘bros’, but even he looks confused, in that exasperated and tired sort of way of his, half the time whenever Shang Qinghua or Shen Qingqui pull their antics with one another.

Speaking of which—

“I’m going to get you back for this,” Shang Qinghua is grumbling, loudly. His arms are crossed, and he’s glaring balefully across the room at where Shen Qingqiu so smugly lounges in his seat beside a faintly puzzled looking Yue Qingyuan.

“You can certainly try,” Shen Qingqui says so quietly that it’s more like he’s mouthing the words than actually saying them, and the An Ding peak lord bristles like he’s been insulted in the gravest of ways.

Rong Qingsheng takes a moment to study him. Shang Qinghua is dressed in his usual peak lord attire, dark blue robes and flowing silk indigo over pants and a high-collared shirt of black, a gauzy and transparent light colored, shorter outer robe thrown over the entire ensemble. For someone who spends a lot of his time running two and fro across all the peaks of the sect chasing down some paperwork or report or other, Shang Qinghua has always been surprisingly stylish. His hair is done up in his usual full bun, held in place with the An Ding lord hairpiece and two silver needles.

Rong Qingsheng narrows his eyes, trying to parse out what, exactly, is different about his senior martial brother today, aside from his current outburst that isn’t typically within his personality unless he’s chasing after someone for an audit of their peak finances.

He resists the urge to shiver. Rong Qingsheng has never had any glaring holes in his peak’s budget histories, but he can quite vividly remember the last time An Ding had come to audit them, and he fervently hopes that the next occasion will not come any time soon.

It takes a few moments, but he eventually spots a difference in Shang Qinghua’s wardrobe. The man isn’t typically one to wear earrings unless they’re simple gems or small hoops. It could be theorized that the dangling ones just get in the way during work? Are distracting when attempting complicated maths and other calculations? Whatever the case is, the ones Shang Qinghua wears today are ornate and incredibly expensive looking, long enough to brush against the tops of his shoulders if he were to shrug, and completely uncharacteristic of the An Ding peak lord.

Not that Rong Qingsheng makes it a habit to creepily examine all his martial siblings whenever he comes across them, but he’s not blind. If you place a pretty person in front of him, what’s he suppose to do? Not look them over? Being a lord of the twelve peaks of Cang Qiong, Rong Qingsheng has ample opportunity to observe his beautiful martial siblings, and Shang Qinghua is as pretty as the rest of them. So what if he’s stared at him enough times to notice a minute change in his jewelry?

There’s a nudge against his ribs. Ju Qingsong leans into his space again, his breath ghosting across his face.

“You’re blushing,” his martial brother whispers, and Rong Qingsheng shoves him.

Ju Qingsong comes back like a boomerang, a grin on his face and his hands latching around Rong Qingsheng’s arm like some sort of infatuated maiden. “Who is it this time?”

“Nothing,” Rong Qingsheng says, calmly, and turns his eyes pointedly away from the line of Shang Qinghua’s neck. Definitely doesn’t notice how the new earrings accentuate it, or how they sparkle in the light and swing just barely with the man’s smallest movements.

He gets poked in the ribs again for his non-answer, but thankfully their sect leader finally stands to bring the meeting to order, so Ju Qingsong has no time to continue needling him.

The meeting is boring as all the others, only highlighted by the brief snack break that the Qiong Ding and Zui Xian disciples tag team to cater. Zhangmen-shixiong always goes out of his way to make sure the monthly meet between peak lords aren’t so dry and mundane that they all simply end up dying of boredom, but there’s only so much even their honorable sect leader can do. By the time the meeting rolls to an end, Rong Qingsheng can feel the edges of sleep tugging at his awareness, and none of his martial siblings look any better.

Except Shang Qinghua, that is. Then again, the peak lord of An Ding has never seemed to allow himself to feel boredom, especially at meetings of any kind. Being in charge of such a detail-oriented sphere of the sect business, Rong Qingsheng assumes, requires one to pay close attention to even the littlest of trivialities.

How time consuming. How much work does it take, to constantly be on alert for every little mention of every little faucet of their collective lives, taking careful note of every little action and reaction and conversation and tucking them away to be used at a later date in conjunction with the running of the sect, without going absolutely mad in the process? Shang-shixiong is the most frequent visitor of their sect leader’s offices for a reason.

He’s never once fallen asleep during a meeting. Rong Qingsheng simply cannot relate, and neither can any of the other peak lords.

The very second that Zhangmen-shixiong brings the meeting to a close, Shang Qinghua jumps up from his seat and makes a beeline toward Shen Qingqiu, who has also begun to look incredibly sleepy and bored out of his mind, but much better at concealing it behind his trusty fan. The Qing Jing peak lord glances up to meet the gaze of Shang Qinghua as he approaches him, and he brings the fan down an inch, a lazy smirk steals across his face.

“Do you like them?” Shen Qingqiu asks almost coyly.

The rest of the peak lords loiter in the room, holding conversations with one another but not paying attention to them because they’re all focused on the confrontation happening at the front. Rong Qingsheng is a little ashamed that he’s one of them. Not ashamed enough to leave, though.

Shang Qinghua comes to a stop before Shen Qinqiu’s table and kneels, huffily, directly onto the hard stone floor across from him, sweeping his sleeves behind him before crossing his arms over his chest. How he’s able to act befitting of a peak lord and yet behave so casually at the same time is surely a paradox, yet he somehow manages it.

“I fail to see why I have been gifted them in the first place,” Shang Qinghua comments idly, though he sounds oddly sarcastic.

Shen Qingqui sets down his fan, only to go for his teacup and use tha to cover his rather sharp smile instead. “But, do you like them?”

Distantly, he can hear Qi Qingqi murmur gleefully from behind him. “How much did you want to wager on Shang-shixiong starting it, Liu-Shidi?”

There’s a grunt. Then, reluctantly, “... Three silver.”

“So low? Liu-Shidi, that’s not very confident of you.”

“S-seven silver!”

“Qi-Shijie, stop trying to extort Liu-shidi. He’s never placed a bet before.” Oh, did Mu Qingfang join them? “Also, put me down for ten silver on Shen-shixiong being the one who started it, but Shang-shixiong being the one who caused it to continue.”

Ju Qingsong frowns. “Are they actually fighting? Shen-shixiong hasn’t intentionally aggravated anyone for a reaction since the fever.”

“What would they be fighting about?” Shui Qingyu asks, confused.

“Something stupid.” Liu Qingge grumbles, but in a knowing way, and so they all turn to listen, like a bunch of nosy eavesdroppers. Which is precisely what they are.

Rong Qingsheng feels so, so tired.

Across the room, Shang Qinghua is scowling. “You can’t just give me expensive jewelry and think that’ll make everything better.”

“Aren’t you calling the kettle black, here, Shang-ge?” Shen Qingqiu asks, using another of the odd metaphoric phrases than only he and Shang Qinghua seem to understand the meanings of. And then there’s the overly familiar form of address, which he’d begun using a few months after the fever broke, but to which Shang Qinghua had rather suspiciously had very little reaction to, and even reciprocated.

It’s all just really, really weird, if you asked Rong Qingsheng. But, then again, no one ever does.

“Are you calling me a hypocrite?” Shang Qinghua asks incredulously, fingering one of the new earrings as if self conscious. Ah, is that what Shen Qingqiu had been saying?

“Well, I’m not calling you a stalwart.”

“Joke’s on you then, Shen-ge, because I’m the most stalwart person here.”

Shen Qingqiu pauses, eyes flitting over to a bemused Yue Qingyuan, and then briefly across the rest of the peak lords, who all very consciously do not duck their heads, before he nods slowly in acquiescence.

“Yeah,” he says. “You’ve got me there. But, you still haven’t answered my question.”

Shang Qinghua scowls, removing his hand from the earring and folding it pointedly against his other in his lap.

“... Fine,” he huffs irritably. “Yes, I do.”

Shen Qingqiu takes a sip of tea, eyebrows raised. “You what?”

“I’m not saying it again.”

“You have to. That was the deal.”

“There was no— ugh!” Shang Qinghua throws up his hands, and Shen Qingqiu’s lips quirk a little before he chuckles. Actually chuckles! Yue Qingyuan looks positively poleaxed, from where he sits silently and as unobtrusively as possible at his table a foot away from the two bickering friends.

“You can’t insult my sense of fashion and style and then just, what, not expect me to get revenge? Shang-ge, please. You know me better than that.”

Rong Qingsheng’s brows furrow. This is revenge? Gifting Shang Qinghua expensive earrings was a form of revenge? Revenge for what, exactly?

“And you know me better than to think I won’t be getting you back for this,” Shang Qinghua sniffs, standing up from the floor. He points a finger at the fan-toting lord of Qing Jing, and exclaims, “I’m going to get you a gift so great that you won’t possibly be able to top it.”

“Watch me,” Shen Qingqiu immediately retorts, as if Shang Qinghua’s announcement had been some sort of threat, eyes narrow and fan flipping open to cover his lower face.

It’s a beautiful face. Rong Qingsheng has always wondered why Shen-shixiong is so self conscious about it as to constantly cover it up. It can’t be to hide his expressions — he hardly ever allows his thoughts or feelings to show on his face in the first place. It has to be something else.

Shang Qinghua glares, pivots on his heel, and stomps toward the exit. He breezes right on by the eavesdropping peak lords without even sparing them a glance, and slams the door behind him on his way out.

Rong Qingsheng is so confused, and it doesn’t look like any of his martial siblings are much better.

“I can’t even figure out who wins the pot,” Qi Qingqi harrumphs grumpily. She shoves the parchment and charcoal stick back into her cleavage like it’s just another pocket. Both items vanish, and Rong Qingsheng wonders a little hysterically whether she’s got some sort of quankin space array tattooed in between them or something else equally as absurd.

“Well, that would require knowing who started it,” Ju Qingsong shrugs. He’s got a hand on Rong Qingsheng’s shoulder and is leaning against him. He shrugs him off like the irritant that he is, and gets another pout for his troubles.

Mu Qingfang hums. “We will just have to wait until things settle down between them, and ask.”

He and Liu Qingge exchange a glance, and then look away from each other with odd, amused little smiles on their faces.

“It might be a while,” the doctor adds.

He walks away toward the exit himself just as Yue Qingyuan approaches their little group.

“If the peaks lords wish to have lunch together in Qiong Ding, arrangements can certainly be made,” the sect leader begins, and gives them a placid smile. “However, I do not not believe this to be the case. Do my shidi and shimei not have any work to do today?”

Rong Qingsheng cringes, exchanging a sheepish look with his martial siblings. They all beat a hasty retreat back to their own peaks. Finding out what exactly is going on between their two most dramatic and ridiculous martial brothers is going to have to wait.

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS | CHAPTER 5

Rating: Explicit.

‼️TW: Reader is EIGHTEEN! Recreational drug use, smoking and alcohol consumption, deeply internalised self-loathing, very questionable moral standards. Daddy kink taken half-seriously. BDSM themes in later chapters - explicit content will come with it's own TWs. FIRST PERSON POV.

Summary: You're Peter's classmate, a child of rich and famous but uncaring parents. Getting paired up for a lengthy project with the boy was an interesting turn of events and you don't know whether to feel blessed or cursed when you develop, seemingly, a perfectly normal, harmless crush on Tony Stark. Fueled by feelings of inadequacy and boredom, your life spirals out of control - and you're lucky your newfound friends are there to pick up the pieces even if you cannot find it in yourself to believe these amazing human (and not so human) beings voluntarily give you more than a fleeting glance and an offhanded thought. And they brought cake!

A/N: Revenge is sweet but a well-timed dick joke is sweeter. xoxo gossip girl. Please supervise one Bucky Barnes on the internet. Questionable music taste. Detention is the price we pay for justice. Bruce Banner is too precious for this world, too pure.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings @vozit​ @littlegasps​ @pilloclock​ @shereadsinquiet​ @downeyreads​ @hermione-grangers-wife​ @individualistfem​

Beta read by the lovely and patient @miscmarvelwritings ! 🎶🎵I love you biiitch ain't ever gonna stop loving you biiitch 🎵🎶

"Initiate phase one," I added a growly undertone to my whisper, holding my phone inconspicuously, as if I was making a simple phone call. There was no answer but I didn't expect one: I was testing the voice recorder app that I had downloaded for the sole purpose of documenting and relaying the inevitable fall of one Flash Thompson. 

Making my way through the crowd of students during the busiest time of the day, I made the most intrigued and outraged facial expression I possibly could. Spying my targets, I leaned against a nearby wall, putting a hand over my mouth in fake outrage, keeping my eyes wide and trained on the opposite wall. Just as I had predicted, the two sophomore girls started giving me side-eye by minute two of my staring and finally approached me as I contemplated the wall for whole five minutes.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" The brunette asked, her blonde friend hanging a step back.

"Yeah, totally," I mumbled. "I'm, like, shook beyond imagination, but nothing, like, bad."

The girls traded a curious look, seemingly coming to some sort of conclusion. The greedy gleam in their eyes had me internally cheering. "What happened?" The blonde one asked, coming closer.

"I'm not sure if I should tell that to anyone," I stammered, watching them bodily move forward. "Well, okay, I can't keep quiet. But you must never, ever speak of it or I'll get expelled or something," I said nervously. They both nodded so rapidly it reminded me of Funko Pop figurines. "You know the senior guy, Flash? Brown hair, kinda hot?" Again, they both nodded, conspicuously grinning. "I think I just saw him in the closed girls bathroom on the third floor with, like, some brunette from Ms. Johnson's History class," They both gasped. Predictable. "But that's not the worst! They were like, y'know," I made an obscene gesture with my hand and they instantly covered their own mouths with their palms in shock. "And the chick was like 'is it in yet?' and he was like 'yah' and I just closed the door and ran, oh my god I hope they didn't hear me," I squealed at the end, playing the part of a mortified teenager.

All three of us giggled uncomfortably for a moment. The blonde girl stared at me suspiciously. "And what were you doing there?"

I faked a nervous stammer, looking around briefly and showing them my lighter for a moment. They both gasped and nodded in recognition. "Don't tell anybody or my mom is going to have kittens," I pleaded. Both of them nodded solemnly, noticing their own group of friends approach. I used the brief moment to get lost in the river of pupils and by the time they turned around to introduce me, I was already at the opposite part of the hallway.

For the time being, everything seemed peaceful. There were a few giggles and side-eyes directed towards Flash Thompson but nothing out of the ordinary. He was disliked by most of the student population even if nobody dared to admit it outright. I took care to walk around without my earbuds for the day and pulled out my phone to record the most interesting conversations around me whenever I caught the tell tale signs of a gossip mill beginning to run its course around the school.

"Oh my god, I heard about this girl that was caught fucking Flash in the girls bathroom and she literally said 'is it in yet', can you imagine the shock, jeez!"

"Some chick literally just rejected Flash because his dick was too small."

"Rebecca from AP chemistry told me someone saw Flash's micropenis. Poor guy!"

"I wonder if his girlfriend dumped him because he can't do shit, I mean, he doesn't look like the type to eat the kitty."

Those were just the highlights of the Friday afternoon. Come the weekend and the news of Flash's unfortunate condition will make the rounds through every single group chat that the school has and by the time Monday rolls around, nobody will have a clue who started the rumour in the first place. I had to carefully select the girls who were to distribute the rumour and I was happy with the outcome: Marissa and Layla with their squad of chatty, bored rich girls were the perfect choice. I thought they would jump at any opportunity to cause drama and I was right.

It was sufficient to say I was bristling with pride as I cut and compiled the audio track from today's school day before sending it to the group chat.

Clint, Peter and Natasha appeared online as soon as the message delivered and I was delighted at their response. Romanoff's kind words, specifically, made me all warm and mushy inside. I didn't resist the feeling, basked in it even as I did a happy dance around my room. Peter's nonsensical string of emojis was another point of laughter for me. 

It wasn't exactly the smartest way to go about killing Thompson's reputation... Alas, simplicity is the way to success when it comes to large crowds of teenagers. That tiny little vindictive part of me was very much looking forward to the weekend and the results of the inevitable distortion of the rumour I had started. Who knew, maybe by Monday Flash Thompson would not only have a micropenis but horns and hooves as well.

Near bedtime, I had all the avengers send me their regards and thumbs up. I answered the flurry of texts as quickly as I could but there was no point in keeping up with ten or so people constantly streaming their questions, opinions and comments. 

I settled on a single easiest response: pulling my dad's old uni sweatshirt over my tiny lacy pajamas to preserve some modesty, I settled in front of my mirror, turning on my Bluetooth speaker to play "Boss Ass Bitch". In true gen-z fashion, I put on my best resting witch face and solemnly lip-synced to the song's eponymous chorus. My eyeliner was sharp enough to cut paper and my prismatic highlighter glittered enigmatically in the cold light of my blue lava lamp.

The response was, once again, delightful and I genuinely belly-laughed at the adults' attempts to meme after Peter. His blushy face emoji started a whole nother conversation that I didn't participate in but watched from the sidelines with glee, snorting every time his friends and mentors gently teased him about the very obvious crush he harboured on me. 

Seeing Peter starting to go absolutely nuts, I interjected with an offer (more like a dare) of a lip sync battle. He jumped on the bandwagon, immediately going offline to undoubtedly film an epic video of what I thought would be dorky-dancing to some hipster song. I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be a pre-recorded tik tok video of him and Ned fighting with lightsabers while mouthing the words to Fergalicious that played over the Imperial March.

Weirdos. I still followed him on the app, though, it was pretty funny.

Bucky interjected with a very well executed rendition of "Bring Me to Life": he was wearing his full Winter Soldier get-up, complete with an AK-47, dramatically serenading Steve who looked seventeen shades of done with his partner's antics. Wanda's following twenty second voice message consisted of nothing but pure hysterical laughter, summing up everyone's reaction to the video. Bucky was going to go viral one of these days...

Obviously, I had good competition and nobody else seemed to want to participate so I rearranged my surroundings a little bit and stood up at my full height and swapped the old sweatshirt for a cute crop-top hoodie. My thigh-highs were on display and with my make-up, I looked like a proper internet e-girl. I leaned against the mirror as I mouthed along to the song with my best interpretation of the famous Lucifer smirk, seasoned with a tiny bit of angelic innocence: "Doctor, doctor, give me the news, I got a bad case of loving you..."

Needless to say, I won the competition. Eventually Wanda joined in, looking menacing and ominous with her dark clothes and Natasha's red hair flashing somewhere in the background; even Tony did a round (AC/DC as his soundtrack of course) with one of his Iron Man suits but nothing beat my stunt and the reaction that it caused.

I had accidentally called out Bruce with the choice of my song and his teammates gave both of us a lot of cheeky comments about it. We relented and flirted with each other a bit as the conversation flowed into more mundane discussion; I said my good nights somewhere between Tony's bitching about the hobbies of my generation and my nightly skincare routine. The little green heart that I'd become accustomed to over the past few weeks greeted me just as I was about to lock my phone.

Bruce was really too precious for this world. My crush on him was different than the one on Tony, it mellowed out in comparison. I wanted him to hold me, to stroke my hair, to call me his darling and wrap me up in one of those dorky button-ups that he insisted on wearing in spite of Tony's unwanted, however very valid, fashion advice.

For all that's worth, the scientist probably knew or at least suspected and had the good grace to play along just enough to satisfy my deep need for attention... Without crossing any actual lines. It was frustrating, it was disappointing but I had virtually nothing to complain about. Besides, I didn't want to lose the quirky friendship that we had. Banner was, probably, the least judgemental person I knew and I wasn't about to trade that for an awkwardly stolen kiss.

Monday and Tuesday passed in a flurry of giggling and snorting every time Flash walked by. His girlfriend broke up with him, very publicly, accusing him of cheating and he didn't even deny it - just insulted her and stormed off, leaving even his friends looking lost and clueless. I started dragging Peter and his two pet nerds along with me just about everywhere I went in case Thompson decided to do something stupid again. If judging only by the looks he was throwing our little company, he was on his way to figuring out who began nibbling at his reputation.

The week was coming to an end and the rumour began dying off, slowly. That just didn't sit with me, I wanted the fucker gone. Due to the obvious time constraints, I approached MJ regarding Peter - after a brief argument, we came to an agreement regarding Peter's safety should I need to leave him alone in the hallways or at lunch. 

I needed to do this alone so if I got caught, I won't drag them down with me. Granted, I would probably get something like a suspension and the school will attempt to call my mother (she never picks up) but that's about it. That's where her reputation comes in handy-people consciously avoid dealing with her, she can be that unbearable.

But first, I needed to get a teacher that's on my side. After carefully considering the candidates, I settled on my Social Studies professor - he taught the college-level classes and was overall a very chill, nice dude. And he disliked bullies with a flaming passion. So it didn't take me long to work him into a righteous fury - just a quick chat over a cup of tea in his homeroom and a few pictures of Peter's bruised face, complete with my own pleading puppy eyes. We agreed Mr Davies would "accidentally" leave the teacher's lounge unlocked during third period and I would sneak in. The plan wasn't foolproof but if it worked, not only Flash, but also his whole misogynistic, bigoted family would go down.

As I was leaving, Mr Davies looked up at me with a bright smile: "Give them Hell, alright?" And I suddenly noticed he was, in fact, very attractive. The smile brought out the fine wrinkles around his mouth, the crow's feet around his eyes - he smiled a lot. Silver strands mixed in with the wooden brown of his hair.

I let my eyes slide over him briefly before baring my teeth in return. "I owe you one," I don't know what possessed me to say that. My mouth really had a mind of its own sometimes. The room suddenly became hot.

"Sure," He replied, totally oblivious.

On Friday, I made myself a small nest in the empty classroom opposite the teacher's lounge and sat waiting for the signal from Mr Davies - he'd tap on the door once and I'd quietly go inside the teacher's lounge, retrieve Thompson's file and make my way back to the empty classroom to grab my backpack and carry the file to my locker for further examination. 

The first part went successfully and I managed to snag Thompson's file. It was heavy and hefty, all the evidence of his rowdiness compiled into one flimsy plastic folder. There were A LOT of pink slips and I rejoiced internally: at least there was a paper trail of his exploits. The principal didn't do anything about it which was... If not against the rules then at least frowned upon; the plan was to take copies and anonymously submit them to the school board prompting at least an investigation into the blatant disregard for Flash's immoral and illegal behaviour.

On my way back I stumbled upon the principal herself which got me not only a stern talking to, but a whole detention for skipping class. Whatever, I was too elated from potentially ruining the life of a dumb fuck who ruined my friend's face.

Surprise came in the face of Mr Davies, who, having heard the commotion in the hallway, stepped out of his class and saw me being lectured by the principal. 

"I'll take her for the detention," I heard the familiar voice behind me. The principal nodded solemnly and I had no choice but to sigh in resignation. "Three thirty, be here," He nodded to me, walking back, looking way too smug for his own good. So I wasn't the only one excited about the successful completion of stage two of my nefarious plan. Cue evil laughter.

[jobrookekarev]

Sweet Preteen

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 4000

Summary: When Zola acts out at her Birthday party and yells at Ellis. Meredith decides to present her with Derek's ferry boat scrub cap in the hopes that it will remind her of the girl Meredith and Derek love.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd, and Alex Karev/Jo Karev.

Characters: Meredith Grey, Zola Shepherd, Ellis Shepherd, Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, Derek Shepherd, Amelia Shepherd, Maggie Pierce, and Lexie Grey.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Sisterhood, Fluff, Preteen Drama, Mother-Daughter Bonding, Adoption, Ferry Boat Scrub Cap, Derek’s in Flashbacks.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

……………………………………………………………………

Meredith looked around the backyard and smiled. She spotted Zola with her new friends over on the picnic table and smiled before going over and wrapped her arms around Zola’s shoulders. 

“Happy birthday, Zola!” She said, squeezing her shoulders and leaning in to kiss her cheek. 

Zola sighed and frowned as she pushed away from her Mom while her friends giggled around her. Meredith knew that she was the embarrassing Mom at that moment, but she couldn't help it. She smirked and let go of her, turning away so Zola didn���t see her smile fade.

As she got up, she looked around the rest of the backyard where all their friends and family were laughing and smiling. All the little kids, Bailey, Ellis, Scout, Harriet, Leo, and Allison all chased each other around. While the grown ups sat off to the side, talking amongst themselves. 

It was a mixture of a family party and a friend's party and Zola had finished opening presents and they were all enjoying the chocolate cake. Meredith thought it was working out pretty well until Zola came over and tapped on her shoulder. At ten years old Zola was only a head shorter than she was and Meredith could hardly believe how big her little girl was getting.

“Hey Mom, can my friends and I go to the park for a little while?” Zola asked, a begging smile on her cheeks.

“What's wrong with staying here?” Meredith asked, looking around to where Owen and Alex were pushing two of the kids on the swings as Ellis got a little too high and screeched. 

Zola grimaced as she followed Meredith’s sights. “There are too many babies around here.”

“Well I'm sure there'd be some babies at the park,” Meredith said, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Please Mom, it's my birthday, can't my friends and I just go hang out with each other?”

“Zola, everybody here is your family and they're here to celebrate your birthday with you. I know you want to spend time with your friends, but your family is looking forward to this day with you too. Can’t you just hold off for a few more hours and then go to the park?”

“No Mom we want to go now,” Zola insisted, clenching her fists.

“Fine,” Meredith said, she knew what it was like to be young and too not want to hang out with parents and younger cousins. “But your Aunt Amelia and Uncle Link have to go with you.”

“Fine,” Zola relented her anger escaping like steam as she unclenched her hands. “But can Scout stay here?”

“I don't know, ask your Aunt Amelia?” Meredith said, gesturing over to where Amelia and Link were sitting on the bench.

“Aunt Amelia,” Zola shouted across the back yard. “Can you and Uncle Link take us to the park, but can Scout stay here with Aunt Jo?”

“Yeah, so long as Jo doesn't mind,” Amelia said right away, looking over at Jo who sat on the edge of the sandbox playing with Scout and Allison.

“Um, I guess,” Jo looked a little taken aback as her lips parted, but Alex quickly nodded.

“Yeah, don't worry about it, we'll keep an eye on him,” Alex said, joining Jo in the sandbox and tickling Scout's side as the baby shrieked with laughter and crawled away from him.

“Great,” Zola smiled as she and her friends quickly got up.

“I want to go too,” Ellis said running over and grabbing Zola’s hand.

“No,” Zola said shaking off her hand and scowling at Ellis. “No babies allowed.”

“I’m not a baby!” Ellis insisted, stopping her foot.

“Zola, Ellis can go with you if she wants too,” Maggie said trying to defuse the situation and placed her hand on Zola’s arm

“No, it’s my birthday. I get to do what I want!” Zola said, brushing off Maggie’s hand. 

“Ellis,” Meredith said, coming over and kneeling down in front of her. “Let’s let Zola play alone with her friends and we’ll go to the park with Zola tomorrow.”

Ellis sighed, looking down at her shoes as she kicked the grass. “She never wants to play with me.”

“I’ll try and talk to her,” Amelia whispered to Meredith. 

Ellis watched as Zola left with her friends and Amelia and Link, who trailed behind them. They all hoped that Zola’s reluctance to play with Ellis was just a phase brought on by her new friends. Meredith let out a sigh and went back into the house.

She knew that one day the moody preteen years would be upon her, but she didn't realize that it would be the year that Zola turned double digits. This was the beginning of it and she couldn't imagine it getting any worse. Although she had seen touches of it happening recently. Usually, Zola was such a sweet kid and didn't mind hanging around with her younger siblings, friends, and cousins. 

However, when Zola’s friends were over they always shut themselves up in her room and yelled at Ellis or Bailey if they tried to join them. At first, Meredith let them have their privacy. Understanding how the girls just wanted to play by themselves for a while, but recently it had escalated the point of the girls purposely excluding Ellis and making her cry. It was hard to imagine her sweet Zola, who was so excited to have a baby sister and always kiss her goodnight before they went to bed, could say something that made Ellis cry.

“Hey,” Alex said, bringing her out of her head as he walked into the kitchen. 

“How did this happen? Meredith said gesturing to the empty kitchen around her. “The minute she turns ten she turns into an annoying preteen who thinks she's too cool to hang out with her family.”

Alex just shrugged and walked over to sit on one of the stools. “Most kids don't like hanging out with their little siblings, especially when their friends are around. She's just trying to figure out how to be cool. Give her a couple of months and she’ll come around.”

“What if she doesn't, what if this is my life now? I mean she’s a preteen now. What am I going to do? I never had siblings like she did. I don't know how to deal with all this?” Meredith said as she shook her head and looked out the window to see Bailey and Ellis were still playing in the yard with Maggie and Winston. “And soon she’s going to start dating boys or girls!”

“Well she can't be any worse than you,” Alex said with a shake of his head with a smile. “But you and Derek figured it all out.”

Meredith smiled thinking about how it would be karma if Zola was as boy crazy as she was. Unfortunately for her, Meredith didn't get it together until she was a resident. She couldn't imagine watching Zola be boy crazy until she finished her residency. Then she thought about how Zola would soon be kissing boys or maybe girls. She didn't know for sure, but sometimes she caught Zola staring at Sofia when she visited and it made her wonder. That whole conversation of her daughter dating, she definitely wasn't ready for.

“Hey,” Jo said, appearing in the kitchen with Scout on her hip as he rubbed his eyes and Jo looked just as tired. “We're gonna head upstairs for a nap, I should be down in a few minutes, but can you go back out and push Ellis on the swing? She was asking for you.”

“Yeah, we'll head back out and I’ll come and check on you in a second, just in case you fall asleep too,” Alex said, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Very funny,” Jo said, coming over and leaning in to give Alex a kiss. “Thanks though.”

Jo disappeared into the hall to head upstairs and Alex watched her go as Meredith looked out the window. Ellis and Harriet were smiling and laughing as they chased each other around in circles. At five and four years old, respectively the two of them were best friends and nearly inseparable. She missed the days when things were simple and her children's emotions were displayed on their faces. 

Meredith just shook her head. She opened the cabinet on top of the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of tequila and two glasses. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Not tonight, Mere,” Alex said, setting her with a look, knowing that she was using alcohol to avoid her daughter's preteen attitude.

“What about Jo? She’ll want something,” Meredith decided, pouring another glass.

“Jo can't drink, she's pregnant,” Alex said, his words completely flying over Meredith’s head as she took a shot of her drink and poured another one.

Meredith finished pouring her drink and then went to put the top on the bottle, but froze halfway. She looked up and met Alex's eyes. He smiled widely as she finally processed what he had said. 

“Jo’s pregnant?” 

“Yeah,” Alex said with a laugh as he nodded, he seemed giddy at the thought of them finally having a child. 

“Congratulations,” Meredith said, coming around to give him a hug.

“Thanks,” Alex said, pulling back as Meredith said down on the stool next to him.

“With your luck though, the baby’s going to be born in your guys’ car,” Meredith said with a smile.

“Shut up,” Alex said with a smile and a little laugh. “We're doctors, we know what labor looks like, and we practically live at the hospital, besides she wants an epidural as soon as she goes into labor.”

“Yeah, she's taken care of enough screaming mothers to know what she wants,” Meredith said with a smirk remembering how Jo was complaining of an earache after a Mom screamed in her ear during labor last week. “And with your big Karev head, she'll probably end up tearing.”

“Don't tell her that,” Alex whispered, looking around to see if Jo had appeared in the hallway again.

“She's an OB now, she’s seen your baby photos, and she still agreed to have your kid, she knows what she's getting into,” Meredith said with a smile as she shook her head.

“Yeah, but you don't have to remind her about my big head,” Alex said with a grimace before his expression softened and he smiled. “Zola’s a good kid, she's got a good head on her shoulders. She's ten, most ten-year-olds are just trying to figure out how things work. She’s smart and she'll figure it out.”

“Yeah, I know,” Meredith said with a smile. “You and Derek are good at this stuff. Derek especially, he always talked about how he mediated things between his sisters and how he’d do it for our kids. It’s times like these when I miss him the most.”

“Derek was pretty good at that stuff,” Alex said with a nod, giving her a smile in return. “But you know what, you're pretty good at this stuff too.”

Meredith nodded and put the lid on the bottle of tequila, before putting it away. She knew what she wanted to say to Zola when she got back. Maybe it wouldn’t stop the preteen drama from continuing, but she knew it would remind Zola of the kind girl Meredith knew she was.

……………………………………………………………………

2014

Meredith laughed as she watched as three-year-old Zola put another band-aid over Derek's nose. Dr. Grey-Shepherd had taken her job very seriously and had insisted that her Daddy absolutely needed several Disney princess themed band-aids. So far Derek had one on both of his arms, his knees, and now his nose. The three of them were playing in the living room as Meredith and Derek spent some two-on-one time with Zola now that Bailey had gone down for the night.

“You know Zo Zo Daddy is doing much better. I really don't think I need this many band-aids.”

“But Daddy you're hurt,” Zola insisted as she placed the band-aid over the little bump Derek had gotten on his nose after Bailey whacked him with a toy. 

Zola had immediately ran to get the box of band-aids and had insisted on kissing her Daddy's boo boo better. 

“Alright,” Derek relented as he smiled and tilted his head at her.

Zola put a band-aid on his nose and leaned down ever so gently to kiss the band-aid and Meredith couldn't help but awe at the sight. Zola was always so caring and eager to kiss anyone better. She wished she could capture the sweet little moments and keep it in a bottle forever. 

Meredith was content to watch Zola and Derek play. As always Derek was wrapped around her little finger and anything she wanted, she got even if it meant a princess band-aid on his nose. Derek was completely focused on Zola as she held up her real stethoscope to his heart and he showed her where to put it so she could hear his heartbeat. Christina had said that Derek would be enchanted by Zola putting applesauce in her ear and Meredith believed it as she saw them play before her. They both ran off to get something, probably more things from Zola's doctor kit and Meredith waited for their return. 

“Okay go show Mommy how much of a proper surgeon you are,” Derek said, his hands on Zola’s shoulders as he gave her a gentle nudge forward. 

Zola ran over to her with this huge smile on her face as she stood before Meredith dressed in a pair of dark blue scrubs and Derek's ferry boat scrub cap tide on her head.

“Why hello Dr. Grey-Shepherd, you look very professional, are you getting ready for surgery,” Meredith said if she smiled at her little girl, to be honest, she was just as enchanted by Zola as Derek was. 

“Thank you, Mommy,” Zola beamed at her compliment, swaying back and forth a little bit as she held her hands behind her back.

Derek came over and put his stethoscope around her neck and she pulled it off to go find her teddy bear’s heartbeat. Suddenly Meredith got a glimpse of the woman that she would become and it made her heart both happy and sad. She was so happy to see the wonderful woman that Zola would be, but sad that her little girl wasn't going to be little forever. 

“I got the scrubs from Alex of all people,” Derek chuckled as he sat down beside her and they both watched Zola play.

“Yeah, that sounds like something Alex would get for her,” Meredith said with a smile and a laugh.

“I think I'll pass that scrub cap on to her when she’s ready.”

“Really?” Meredith said, looking up at him as he had eyes only for Zola.

“Yeah, you know in Medicine we always talk about passing on our skills to the residents, but it'd be nice to pass this on to her. She's going to make an amazing surgeon someday, just like her Daddy,” Derek smiled his eyes glazing over as if he was imagining it before him

“And like her Mommy,” Meredith added.

“Like both of us,” Derek agreed, looking back at her with a smile.

Meredith ran her fingers over the little band-aid on his nose as Derek winced. He probably could have gotten away with just a little bit of antibiotic cream but Zola had insisted on a band-aid. She believed they made everything better, like magic. 

“You're going to have to help me get this thing off later tonight,” Derek said as he gently pulled at the side of the band-aid, but stopped as it hurt too much to pull off.

Meredith giggled and shook her head as she looked back at Zola. “I think Daddy can keep it on for another day, besides Zola would be so disappointed if you took it off tonight.”

“But I have to work tomorrow?” 

“I know,” Meredith said with a smile as Derek shook his head and tickled her sides and she laughed. 

Zola came over and joined in on the tickling. The two of them ganged up on Meredith who retaliated with nimble hands of her own as she captured Zola and they each tickled her sides. The sounds of their daughter's laughter filled the room and Meredith smiled because both she and Derek lived for that sound.

“Stop, stop,” Zola eventually said, holding up her hands as Derek and Meredith immediately pulled back their fingers.

Zola laid in their laps for a moment as they all caught their breath and it took them each a while to control their laughter. Zola eventually turned her attention to her bear. Ever the willing patient as she started to listen to his heartbeat and excitedly told her parents about it when she found it. Derek put his arm around Meredith’s shoulders as she leaned her head into his chest as they watched their daughter play, completely enchanted by her. 

……………………………………………………………………

2021

Later that night Meredith knocked on Zola's door. It was long after the party had ended and everyone had gone home, but Zola’s friends had stayed for a sleepover and we're currently camped out in her room with popcorn and movies. 

“What!” Zola asked, opening the door just enough to stick her head out.

“Zola, can I talk to you?” Meredith asked, raising an eyebrow at her as she used her calm, but firm Mom voice. “I'd like to give you an extra present.”

“Yeah, okay,” Zola said, her voice softer as she slipped out of the room, closing the door behind

Meredith motioned for her to follow and together they walked down to her room. She closed the door behind them and Zola stood next to the door. Meredith opened the top drawer of her dresser and she pushed aside her socks to pull out a little box. Meredith knew that it was time she gave this one to Zola. She had two others that she would give to Bailey and Ellis when they were ready, but this one was always Zola's.

Meredith turned around and sat on the bed patting the spot next to her as Zola sat down. She put her arm around Zola and placed the box in her hands. Zola looked a little confused as she opened the box, but gasped when she saw Derek's ferry boat scrub cap. 

“Mom?” That was all Zola managed to say as she looked up at Meredith, her lips slightly parted and she looked back down at the scrub cap. 

“Your Dad loved you and from the moment he held you, he knew you were his daughter. He loved that ferry boat scrub cap and he told me that he wanted you to have it when you were ready,” Meredith said as she squeezed Zola’s shoulders and kissed her forehead. Zola turned in her arms and hugged her. “Your Dad would be so proud of the smart, beautiful, capable, and powerful young woman that you have become but with that power comes responsibility.”

“Are you trying to tell me I'm Spider-Man?” Zola asked with a smile.

“I'm trying to tell you to be nice to your siblings, but it's kind of like Spider-Man. He was a superhero and he was good to his neighborhood when he didn't have to be. We each make the choice to do good or bad things. We choose to do good things because we are responsible and kind, like hanging out with your sister. I know it was your birthday and you should be allowed to spend it however you want, but not if you are mean to Ellis. She’s your sister Zola, you shouldn’t shut her out, because she cares for you and loves you. Trust me, I spent far too long pushing away my sister, when all she wanted was to love me. I missed out on that extra love when I didn’t have to.” 

“Are you talking about Aunt Lexie?” Zola asked, she didn’t remember Lexie, but Meredith told her about Lexie as much as she could.

“I am,” Meredith said, smiled softly as she remembered Lexie. “Your Aunt Lexie wanted to love me and to know me as a sister, but it took me a year to let her. When I did though, I had a sister who was crazy like me and kinder than I was. It was so good and I grew to love her and I know you love Ellis.”

“I do love Ellis. I’m sorry, Mom, for everything. I talked with Aunt Amelia when we were at the park and I know I kind of acted like a brat earlier. I didn't mean to disappoint you or to hurt Ellis. I just wanted to hang out with my friends,” Zola said, giving a little shrug.

“Your birthday is about celebrating the day that you were born and your family, your sister wanted to celebrate that with you and you were kind of a brat,” Meredith said, raising her eyebrows at Zola. She pretended to be the strict parent for a moment before she dived in with her fingers, tickling Zola’s sides as they giggled together. 

They tickled each other for a moment until Zola cried uncle and Meredith pulled back. Zola looked at the scrap cap picking it up in her hands. Maggie had braided her hair into box braids that went down to her waist. She quickly brushed them behind her shoulder and wrapped them into a big bun at the base of her neck, before she put the scrub cap on. Then, she looked over at herself in the mirror and smiled. 

“I know I don't look like Dad or even Aunt Maggie, but wearing his hat it kind of feels like I do,” Zola said, turning back to look at her with a nervous expression. “Aunt Jo said that every time she looked down at the watch Ms. Schmidt gave her, she feels like a piece of Ms. Schmidt lives inside of her and I feel like I have a piece of Dad in me too especially with his scrub cap. Is that weird?” 

“No,” Meredith said, shaking her head. “You're wearing his scrub cap, you have dreams of being a neurosurgeon just like your dad. You love him and part of that love for him is inside you. A part of him that is represented by that hat.”

Zola’s smile returned as she looked back at herself in the mirror. She straightened her shoulders and sat up straighter. She didn't look any different than she did the day before, and to Meredith, Zola was still that little girl she fell in love with. But at that moment she looked so stunningly grown up. Zola turned around and hugged her and Meredith closed her eyes as she held her daughter. 

“Thank you,” Zola whispered against her shoulder, hugging her Mom tightly. 

Eventually, they settled down and Zola gave her one last squeeze before she got up. She paused in the doorway and looked back at Meredith. “Good night Mom, I love you and I love that you are my Mom.”

“I'm glad that you're my daughter, Good night Zo Zo.”

Zola closed the door behind her, but Meredith heard someone knock. She looked out in the hall only to see Zola step into Ellis’s room. Meredith smiled and relaxed, as she closed the door letting the sisters talk alone. She looked over at the pictures of her sisters, one of Lexie and one of Maggie and Amelia on her dresser. She was happy that her daughter had a sister like she did because at the end of the day they would always have their sisters.

[demivampirew]

Dry-leaves

(photos taken from Pinterest. Credits to the owners//collage made by me)

Henry x 1st person reader one shot.

A/N: First of all, I want to thank the people who showed me a lot of love in the post that I explained who I felt these last few days about writing (and in general). I decided to push through the negative thoughts and write. I used the mood I was in to write this one shot. Even thought this character is fictional, there are plenty of things for my personal experience I used for her background. I tried to make it a feel good story, but the issues reader thinks about are pretty real.

Triggers: depression; family drama;  stress (college, job, family)

You can find more of my writings in the Masterlist

Tag list: @lunedelorient @henrythickcavill @wolvesandhoundshowltogether @mary-ann84 @desperate-and-broken @peakygroupie @summersong69 @ivvitm1109 @madbaddic7ed @iloveyouyen @the-soot-sprite @hell1129-blog @whyyoudothistomecavill @thetaoofzoe​ @thereisa8ella​  @darkbooksarwin

The sound of the dry-leaves crunching as I step over them made me tingle and relax. I've been so stressed lately that I often forget to appreciate the beauty of the simple things like this.

If I have to be honest, I never truly value the little pleasures nature gift us: the Orage-ish leaves falling from the trees covering the floor and grass on Autumn; the cosiness of watching a movie while covering yourself with a blanket in the cold winter. The display of beautiful and vibrant colours of the blooming flowers in the spring, which release an often delicious and refreshing scent and,  the longer days in the summer filled with sunshine.

When I was younger, my parents set this expectation that the only way to succeed in life was to get a degree in college and find a well-paid job; so, as I grew up I became more and more obsessed with the idea of achieving this goal, that I completely ignored important things in life: my happiness being the main one. Unconsciously, I convinced myself that all I wanted in life was to get a degree, I thought that was my ultimate destiny. It was only the moment when I felt as if I was drowning when I realized that the only reason I was working hard on graduating from college was to make my parents happy, or to be more specific, not to disappoint them.

In life, there always that point when you're doing something you don't want to do, even if you pressured yourself to believe that it is, and you finally realized that that's not for you. My moment came last year when I was in a job that made me extremely unhappy and to top that, I was -for the third time in my life- in college trying hard to keep up with it and don't give up like the times before. I worked almost every day and with all I had to study for classes, I didn't have the time to do the simple things in life that I adore: watching my favourite shows and movies, listen to music I like, read books or see my friends. I achieve a level of unhappiness, that I would go to sleep every night wishing never to wake up again. I was done with my job, college and life.

Thankfully, there was a part of me that still believed in the possibility of a happy future and that's what gave me the energy to rescue myself from that dark hole. I started therapy, sought for a new job and decided to quit college - at least for now, maybe someday, when things are different and I have more time or maybe when I'm older I'll give it another try if I want to. But, the most important thing is that for the first time I would do what I wish; I'll work hard on building the life I want for me and not what others, my parents, for example, want for me. I might not be in my early twenties anymore, I might be at the age in which society expects you to have your life figured out and just starting to work on the future I want, but it's ok. It's ok just to walk through the park, enjoying watching the wind carry the falling tree-leaves and the little bear play with them, rolling over them and barking at the kids playing as if he was asking permission to join them.

"Here's your hot chocolate, babe," Henry said, handing me a Starbucks coffee cup full of a steamy milky infusion. He chuckled as he saw Kal play with two boys and a girl -the boys around ten and the girl must have been around five or six years old.

I met him a year ago at this same park. He saw me sitting on a bench, crying while I looked at my phone. The reason behind my tears was that I received a message from my mum telling me how disappointed she was for my decision of quitting college - it wasn't like me that was not the exact answer I expected from her, but still hurt to see her words. Henry asked me what was wrong and then sat next to me and had a long chat about life and how he dealt with the negative opinions others had of him. That day I thanked him and walked away, thinking that I'll never see him again. As it turns out, he walked his furry best mate in that park every single chance he got. Me on the other hand, I would go every now and then to that place because I found it hauntingly beautiful and peaceful. It's in a fancy neighbourhood and a bit far for the place I live, but it filled me with good energy so I didn't mind having to travel for an hour or so to get there to be able to enjoy its beauty.

The second time we saw each other was almost a month after that afternoon. I immediately recognized that unique creature that was the Akita and sought for his human with my eyes. And there he was, sitting alone on the same bench we met, watching his dog with an enormous smile on his face. I went into the Starbucks nearby and bought a coffee for him and a latte for me. Thankfully he was still there went I came back from the coffee-shop. Giving the fact that we spent an entire afternoon talking, I was sure he would remember me, but I was pleasantly surprised to find out that he remembered my name as well. We chat for hours again, only this time the topics were more cheerful. That time he was the one who left first, but not without asking for my number first. For the following weeks, there wasn't a day we would not text each other, talking about absolutely everything: from games, books and movies, to family, friends, and ambitions in life. After a few weeks, he finally asked me out - I was dying for him to do that, but I wasn't exactly expecting him to do so, after all, he was a breath-taking gorgeous and very famous man and me, just a simple girl in her late twenties trying to figure out what I wanted to do with life and "breath-taking" isn't exactly an adjective that could be used to describe myself, simple and pretty enough could be more accurate - I might not be ugly, but for sure I'm not a femme fatale.

Living with my parents as I got closer to be thirty wasn't exactly an issue for my age, but rather because I decided to quit college. If I ever wanted to get better, I needed to live in another place, which is extremely difficult when you don't have a big salary. I earned enough money for expenses and other things but I could not afford to rent a flat. Henry offered to help me but I refused at first, until I couldn't stand to be in the house I lived anymore. It was then when I decided to accept his alternative proposal: to move in with him. This option was better than the other 1) because it wouldn't cost him any extra money and 2) we would be able to spend more time together.

"Thanks, baby, " I replied after grabbing the hot chocolate and took a couple of sips. My right arm grabbed his left one and we walked around the park, always keeping an eye on Kal as the bear played with those kids.

I'm happy to know that it's ok to not have things figured out. It's ok to take your time to enjoy the simple things in life. And when someone gives you a hand and tries to help you when you need it the most, you're not less independent, weak for accepting it.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Top 20 BEST Animated Series of the 2010s-Honorable Mentions

And now. 

What is hands down.

The Best.

Animated series.

In the 2010s.

Is…

Going to be revealed tomorrow because I'm a piece of s**t (I’ll change the title when enough people fall for it). For now, here are some quick honorable mentions that aren't bad, but just not as good as the shows I picked...in my opinion, at least.

Craig of the Creek (2018-)-From what I've seen from season one, this show is pretty charming. It understands the pure imagination that comes from being a kid and has moments when these characters are more human than cartoons. But it also has the same energy as a Beach City episode in Steven Universe, and as we discussed, not everybody is going to be into that. Plus, I haven't caught up past season one (due to just not having the time), so it wouldn't be fair to claim it's one of the best when I haven't seen how seasons two and three hold. I've heard from other people that it's good, so I'll be willing to take their word for it. And maybe you should too.

Milo Murphy's Law (2016-2019)-I've seen a handful of episodes of this show, but from what I saw, I'd say it's worth watching further. The idea of this kid, who's cursed to literally have the worst life ever, deciding to have an optimistic outlook of the hand he's been dealt is pretty admirable. Plus, Weird Al Yankovic voices the main character. I can't physically hate it. Although the ginormous issue that Milo Murphy's Law has is that it relies too much on Phineas and Ferb's recognizability. I get that both shows were created by the same people, and I'd be more than fine if there were just a few shout outs and references. But the creators decided to force one of the characters in Phineas and Ferb into Milo's Murphy's Law, making it sort of a spin-off series on top of being its own separate thing. Meaning that you don't have to watch Phineas and Ferb beforehand, but you do need to know who these characters are going in. And if you're wondering how that paradoxical concept works...I couldn't tell you. I haven't seen the show in its entirety, and from what I have seen, it's at least good enough for an honorable mention.

The Avengers: Earth Mightiest Heroes (2010-2013)-There's nothing wrong with this series. The designs are great, the representation of these iconic characters is even better, and the level of quality is on par with the Marvel Cinematic Universe...I just always forget that this show exists. No offense to the series, but I just prefer shows that I'll remember instead of shows that I'll forget in another ten years.

Young Justice (2010-)-And before you start making the audacious claim that I'm a DC fanboy, let it be clear that Young Justice is an honorable mention for similar reasons. I love the character designs, and I think the representation is on point. Plus, while it does not have MCU levels of quality, Young Justice matches up with the good DC movies. It's just forgettable...and also because I never got the chance to watch the third season yet. Instead, I wasted my limited time with an HBOmax subscription on watching Doom Patrol, Harley Quinn, and my favorite Doctor Who episodes. Don't judge me!

Harley Quinn (2019-)-And seeing how I mentioned it, Harley Quinn is a fantastic show with perfect satire. And like some of the best satirical writings, this show has a deep understanding of the source material that it's making fun of while still providing an excellent story at the same time. However, most jokes die quick, and the animation is just flat out garbage at times. I recommend it, but keep in mind that there's a reason why it's just an honorable mention.

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2018-2020)-I know I kind of trashed it with my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) review, but the truth is that I really love this show. Or, at least, I want to love this show. Because there is something amazing and worthwhile that’s hidden under a gigantic pile of poor planning and network meddling. I plan to make a full review for it in the future, so I'll save my thoughts for when that comes. For now, just know that it's something worthwhile if you're the right person.

Amphibia (2019-)-Aaaaaaand it's the same thing here. There's a lot that I like about it, but the stuff I don't makes it hard to enjoy. I'll also do a full review on this one in the future, so you're just going to have to wait...again.

Tangled: The Animated Series (2017-2020)-Another show that I really liked and even considered putting on the list. Even wrote a review and everything. But looking back, the parts that it did wrong highly outweighed what it does right, and honestly, it was a toss-up between this and Star V.S. the Forces of Evil for what took twentieth place. I ultimately went with Star V.S. because at least it had villains that were actually intriguing and terrifying characters. Unlike a specific antagonist with blue hair who was so idiotic and insane that I honestly would have felt nothing if they died in the end...I know that I just made a ton of enemies with that statement, but I don't give a s**t. And if you're nice, I might rewrite my review so I can accurately explain why this series is a tad bit overrated.

The Looney Tunes Show (2011-2014)-... I liked it...other people didn't, but I liked it.

Hilda (2018-)-Because I haven't seen season two yet. That's why. And from what I've seen in season one, this show is incredibly charming, beautifully imaginative, and is absolutely something I would show to my children if I ever have any. Maybe it forces in drama when it doesn't need to, but overall, you can better believe that this would have made the list if I saw season two before I started ranking shows.

And those are my honorable mentions. I’ll see you tomorrow for the actual unveiling of the number one spot. And for the fandoms that I ticked off...be patient.

(Also, let this be a lesson to read the tags before clicking 'Keep Reading.' Unless that's what you did, in which case, BOY, do I have egg on my face.

[lovehugsandcandy]

One-on-One: Decisions (Colt x MC)

A/N:  Third one-shot for basketball!Colt. I have two more planned after this.

Pairing: Colt x MC, ROD

Length: ~1,500 words

Rating: R? (Swearing. One suggestive line. Idiots.)

Summary: Colt should never talk to the media...but Ellie will allow it this one time.

Ellie set up the media alert fairly early in their relationship; it allowed her to catch threatening situations before they boiled over into irrecoverable issues that inevitably would involve her bailing out her idiot boyfriend-yet again.

It allowed her to call him right after he lost his first game this season, interrupting the complete destruction of a locker room that could have resulted in a suspension. It was the reason she sped north, weaving frantically through rush hour traffic for hours, when a gruesome Achilles tear had prematurely aborted his senior year and he had to redshirt so he could actually play out his final season. It was the reason she convinced him he should never attend the post-game press conferences. Ever.

And it was now furiously dinging over.

She groaned and reached for the phone, eyes still closed, slapping the sheets once, twice, three times until she finally clasped her fingers around plastic. Her eyes fluttered open, bleary and slow, as she internally prepared herself for whatever foolish shit he had pulled.

However, before she pulled up the browser, her phone rang; it was her dad. She declined and tried to pull up the search engine when the phone rang again. Ingrid. She frowned and declined. When her dad called again, she raced to her computer, sinking suspicion that the plethora of alerts and multiple phone calls were no coincidence.

Where was he again? Texas.

She scanned the gossip rags, relieved to find nothing damaging, and then navigated to ESPNU. Oh Lord, a video. He wasn’t supposed to be talking to the media. 

She hit play.

“Your third Nationals Title is looking more and more like a lock. What are your plans for after graduation?”

Colt shrugged, looking directly at the camera, wiping the sweat from his brow. “I don’t know. Maybe the draft. My wife’s gonna go to Yale for grad school though so, no matter what, I’m gonna be in the Northeast.”

She blinked. It was overall a calculated move, signaling to anyone interested in drafting him that there were only a few pro teams he would consider. But she was more caught by the word choice. But did he just call her his...

The phone rang again, and this time she connected to her dad screeching over the phone line, “Did you get married?”

~~~~~~

She waited up for him. He usually crashed in the city once their plane landed, ditching the team bus to crash in her apartment before heading back upstate, and they would spend a few carefree days lounging at her apartment and strolling the city streets as if they weren’t facing impending graduations that would thrust them into a future they could never prepare for.

Sometimes, she would greet him with pizza and commiseration over a tough loss.

Other times, she would greet him with a shared bath, ostensibly drawn to ease sore muscles, but always ending with them both soaked and sated, huddled close under her covers, reconnecting in the most satisfying of ways.

This time, she perched on the sofa, toe ticking by the seconds, mentally mapping his route through airport corridors, then where the Dryve would crawl down crowded city streets, to where he would walk through the lobby, up the three flights of stairs, and turn the spare key in her lock. She seethed with every imagined step.

Finally, twenty-three minutes after landing, 1,387 furious taps of her toe against hardwood, jingling sounded outside her door and the knob turned, opening to reveal a broad-shouldered figure that she was going to murder.

“Hey!” He dropped his duffel bag on the floor, locking the door behind him. “You waited up?”

“I’m going to kill you.”

He froze, forward progress halting as his jaw dropped at the venom dripping from her words. “Uh… baby? What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Her eyebrows climbed her forehead, and she stood, crossing her arms over her chest. “What’s wrong?!?!”

He blinked, mouth opening and closing, and she could practically see him reflecting on his day, the day prior, hell, the last week as he tried and failed to figure out why she was glaring daggers at him. “Uh… are you mad that I fouled out? Because, I mean, the game was over and there was forty seconds left in the quarter and-”

“No. Not that.”

“Uh…” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Is it because I told Logan that if he sat next to me on the plane, I would cut his hair off in his sleep?”

She rubbed her hands over her eyes. “I had no idea you said that, but I appreciate you adding it to the list.”

“Ellie, just fucking tell me. I don’t know what the fuck you’re pissed off about.”

“Your interview.”

He blinked blankly down at her. “What interview?”

“After the game? About your plans once you graduate?”

“I thought those…” He paused, uncertain. “I thought those were our plans. Are… are they not?”

She winced at the stab of guilt; she did not mean to imply that they wouldn’t move in together after school. “Urgh, yes, they are but you… Colt, you called me your wife.”

“That’s what you’re pissed about? Seriously?”

“Yes! It’s not true and my phone has been literally ringing off the hook, and some ESPN talking head devoted ten minutes to it during one of their trashy shows and-”

“Elie, we’re basically-”

“We are not-”

“Babe, I just meant-”

“Don’t you babe me!” She stomped closer to glare up at him. “This is why Logan is the one who talks to the press.”

“What? Fuck him. And what was I supposed to say? She cornered me!”

“Oh, how about anything but that?”

“Come on, babe.”

“Don’t even.”

“Who cares what the hell they say on tv?”

“Colt…” she put a hand to her temple. “You created not only confusing press for you but also drama. For me! My dad is convinced we eloped.”

“Babe, it’s like wifey. Everyone knows I meant it like that, come on.”

“No, no one knew that.”

“Come on, wifey,” he pouted.

“Jesus Christ. Don’t you dare-”

“Wifey…” he complained while she bristled, traitorous lips twitching regardless of how hard she tried to fight the smile down.

“Stop calling me that!” 

“Oh, wifey. You-”

She groaned, jumping away to stalk into the kitchen, yelling “Oh my God!” Footsteps followed her and she spun, glaring. She tried to stay annoyed, she did, but he was fucking ridiculous, lips curved in an exaggerated frown and eyes brimming with mockery.

“Wifey....”

“I swear to God!”

His hands wrapped found her hipbones, pulling her close to kiss her neck before whispering in her ear, “Wiiiifeey.”

“Jesus!” She pushed him away, barely able to get the words out through hitching giggles. “Why do I put up with you?”

“Because you love me.” She couldn’t speak through her laughter, but she hoped the fond grin stretching over her face betrayed her thoughts. “How about wifey like marry me?”

She froze. “... What?”

“Marry me.” Time stopped and the air left Ellie’s lungs.

“This isn’t…”

“Ellie, marry me.” His eyes were intent on hers, and she had to lean against the counter to hold herself up.

“You…” she stuttered. “You asked me that before.”

That brought him up short. “I did?”

“Kinda.” Her shaking hands found the counter top behind her, and she held on for dear life. “When you got your concussion junior year against Hartfield.”

“When I was in the hospital for two days?!?”

“When you were bleeding out on the court.”

“Oh. The perfect time for major life decisions.” His eyes narrowed as he studied her. “Well, what did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything! You passed out!”

His mouth dropped open. “You left me hanging?”

“What.”

“Seriously, you just ignored me, what the heck, El?” he jeered. “You can’t leave a man hanging like that!”

“What the-” She rolled her eyes. “Colt!”

“Well, what do you say now?”

“You don’t… you don’t have a ring.” His lips stretched into a self-satisfied smirk. “You have a ring.”

He reached into his pocket, pulling out the piece of jewelry and holding it out between two fingers. “What? You want me to do this right? Get down on one knee and all that?” She couldn’t even answer, eyes welling with tears; he rocked back on his heels. “Uh, Ellie? You gonna answer me?”

“You-” Her voice trailed off as the tears started falling, rivulets over her cheeks, her smile; she tried to blink them away, tried to speak, tried to do something, but she could only stand there, watching him gaze at her in absolute adoration. Finally, she gave up and just nodded, slowly at first, then frantic, giggling, leaping  into his arms, not even caring that she was crying all over his university tracksuit as he cradled her close.

When she finally thought she had control of her face, she glanced up and the smile on his face made her heart skip.

At least until he spoke. “I knew you would wanna lock this up.”

“Don’t make me immediately regret my decision.”

He pulled back to shoot her a cocky grin, eyes gleaming. “You’re not gonna.”

She only smiled back, thinking, No, I’m not gonna.

.

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Colt

ROD

@omgjasminesimone @mskaneko @lovemychoices @burnsoslow

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[chickensarentcheap]

Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 5

Title: Neighbours

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @tragiclyhip

The ‘to do list’ is long and lengthy but not unmanageable.

Inside and outside decorations, picking out a tree and having it dropped off the next day, last minute presents and stocking stuffers to grab, a massive grocery list that includes the usual staples and the ‘extras’ that always make their appearance at Christmas time. The convenience of a big city is one thing she’s always missed; malls with everything you need under one roof, strips of your favorite, eclectic little shops, delivery for everything under the sun. Never having to own a car; Uber and taxis summoned with just one phone call, the subway just a block away. The younger Esme...the one fresh off a shitty first marriage...had loved every second in New York City. That spacious loft -with its exposed brick walls and industrial lighting and Juliet balcony- in Brooklyn, the Broadway shows she’d attend, the high end shops like Tiffany’s, Chanel, and Prada that she’d do little more than browse in; dreaming about all the things she would buy if she was ever fortunate enough to have money to burn. Trips to Central Park; reading a book or sipping a latte while sitting on the edge of the fountain or treating herself to lunch at Tavern on the Green. She’d never been bored; filling every minute of her free time with something new to experience. Taking the subway into different ethnic areas; trying new foods and drink and buying newly discovered -to her- spices and intriguing ingredients to try out at home. And while she’d been alone, she’d never been lonely; always finding ways to keep herself busy.

While it’s nice to come back and spend time in the BIg Apple, she no longer misses it with such intensity. THAT Esme..the one who’d lived in that loft apartment and who’d window shop at the high end retailers...no longer exists. She died almost thirteen years ago; her life coming to end on the Sultana Kamal Bridge. It had been time; out with the old, in with the new. And there’d been something so incredibly empowering about it; never returning to either the city or Colorado and having her step father pack up the necessities and ship them to her. Many people would consider it foolish; throwing a somewhat stable and comfortable life away for something so different. A country on the other side of the world, a man she barely knew yet her heart was certain she was in love with, a tiny and cramped apartment outside of Sydney with barely any clothes in the closet and only second hand, mismatched furniture to decorate the place. But it had turned out to be everything she’d wanted; a change in pace and scenery and a life she never knew she was missing out on. That man she barely knew outside of sex quickly proving to be the love of her life; not just a lover, eventual spouse and baby daddy, but her best friend. The one and only person she truly trusted; who’d been so willing to give up his life to save hers and made her feel safe and protected...and LOVED...in ways she’d never experienced before.

Australia quickly became home. Despite the lingering issues from Dhaka -the slow healing process and the financial issues and the worry of retaliation IF word ever got out that he had survived- they’d been happy. Not needing much; enjoying those evenings on the couch, watching television and eating ice cream right out of the container, those trips -as a couple and then newlyweds and eventually with a tiny Millie in her daddy’s arms, the long and quiet -and often post coital- conversations that had become their norm. They’d gone through a hell of an ordeal together; forming a bond that other people simply couldn’t understand. Both of them could have easily died that day; Tyler from his injuries, her due to the decision she’d made to stick around in an effort to keep him alive. After that, they’d sworn to never take a single second for granted; enjoying the ‘getting to know you’ process even as a newly married couple and her with a baby growing in her belly. It hadn’t been a conventional start to things; those five days in that cramped and dirty hotel room in Dhaka followed by an unexpected little bundle and her decision to give up her old life. But it had worked. THEY had worked. Despite all the odds stacked against them and everything that said they shouldn’t. The ordeal they’d survived giving them an appreciation of each other; putting down that foundation of respect and mutual awe that everything else could -and would- be built upon.

As amazing as it all sounds -finding the love of your life, discovering your own slice of paradise, starting a family- it’s work. Love and everything that comes with it is a lot of work, in fact. It’s arguments over both stupid shit and important issues; it’s hurt and anger and bitterness due to miscommunication or simply not taking the others feelings into considering. It’s learning how the other works and functions so you can be the one to provide comfort, stability, and aid; patience and deep rooted concern and the desire to keep them safe and healthy driving you.

Lust is one thing; immense physical attraction extremely important and definitely an added bonus. But at the end of the day, it’s other forms of intimacy that keep things alive and well; the simple act of holding hands while sitting on the couch or even driving in the car, the unexpected hugs and kisses, the little things you do for one another without even thinking, the teasing and the laughter and the conversations. It’s one thing to love someone and physically WANT them, it’s another to actually ENJOY them; their company and their smile and the sound of their voice and the way they cheer you up even on the worst days. How they talk you through hard times and how quick they are to dry your tears and want to make things right; willing to do anything and everything within their power to make you happy and to feel wanted and appreciated. It’s all those things that keep things going even when they feel like they’re falling apart.

******

“Mum!” TJ calls, as he bounds down the stairs and through the immense space that make up the living and dining areas; an easy and clean flow directly into the counter. “Check it out! You gotta see my outfit?”

With a mug of tea pressed to her lips, she glances up from the spiral notebook in front of her. It’s one of many that usually take up residence in one of the kitchen drawers; a different colour cover indicating which kid it is assigned to, two for things that are needed when it comes to household items and repairs, another for things like groceries and personal products. She’s always been organized, but something ‘snapped’ over the course of the last five years; an obsessive of sorts when it comes to keeping affairs in order.

“What the heck are you wearing?” she inquires, as her oldest son sprints through the living and dining area and then uses his socks to allow him to slide the rest of the way. An almost victorious and proud grin on his face when he comes to a stop against the island. His outfit of choice is an eyebrow raiser; jogging pants enormous and incredibly baggy, a hoodie at least four sizes too big, a black knit beanie on his head.

“It’s my New York City look. For the mean streets. You like it?”

She grins and sips her tea. “The mean streets, huh? There’s nothing quite as dark and dangerous as the vicious and cold, dark alleys of Gramercy Park.”

“It’s bad ass. New York City. Maybe not exactly where we live, but…”

“You’re pretty far removed from the bad assery of The Big Apple, but I admire your spirit. If I ever find myself getting mugged or having to walk down a dark street at two in the morning, I know who to call.”

“I’d protect you, mum. I don’t care how big and bad someone is. I’d kick their ass for you. Or at least try to.”

“And THAT is why you’re my favorite. Although don’t tell your brothers and sisters; that’ll cause too much drama.”

“Your secret is safe with me. OUR secret.” He slings an arm around her shoulder and presses a kiss to her cheek. “What’cha doing?”

“Lists. One of many. Things we need in the house and things we need to do.” She eyes him from head to toe, mug against her lips. "Is that your dad’s hoodie? AND his pants?”

“He let me have them. I asked if he had anything old I could wear; that he wasn’t going to use anymore. This is what he gave me.”

“You do realize he’s more than a foot taller than you and about...I don’t know...a hundred pounds heavier.”

“I weigh a hundred pounds now. Dad’s like one eighty.”

“He was one eighty five when he got out of the hospital. Five years ago. He’s two ten now. Soaking wet. And you’re five feet? Since when?”

“Since yesterday. I had Tanner measure me.”

“You have a lot of damn nerve, kid. Being only half an inch shorter than me. At TEN.”

“I share DNA with a giant. Dad’s six three. I’ve got more of his genes than yours.”

“Yes, I know. I see more and more of those genes every day. You’re looking more like him all the time. And don’t get me wrong, that’s a good thing. A VERY good thing. But five feet? Already? What the hell?”

“I can’t help it. Blame genetics.”

“You’re going to be massive. You’re probably going to be taller than your dad. And if you keep lifting weights like you do and you start going heavier as you get older, you’ll be huge by sixteen. A good huge. It’s depressing. You’re depressing me.”

“Sorry, mummy.” He kisses her cheek once more, then joking places his forearm on the top of her head. “You’re going to make a good arm rest. Thanks for being absurdly short.”

“Don’t be a smart ass. I brought you into this world, I can take you out.”

“Dad says the tiniest ones are always the most feisty. I think that’s why he fell in love with you; you’re little but you don’t take any shit. Even from him.”

“He likes a challenge, that’s for sure.”

Sipping her tea, she watches him as he heads for the fridge; rummaging through it before coming up with a container of some of the baked goods Tanner had already blessed the family with, and a bottle of Gatorade. He even walks like his father; those gigantic feet and that long, slightly bow legged gait. TJ is more awkward; stuck at the stage between still being a child, yet quickly nearing his teenage years. And he’s become far more mature since hitting double digits; still possessing that extremely active and almost hyper personality, but prone to more serious and thoughtful moments. And at times he looks years older; when his eyes darken and his lips set into a thin, serious line and his brow furrows. So much of his dad exists in him. Both inside AND out. And that smile; the one that crinkles the corners of his eyes and slightly wrinkles the bridge of his nose. It’s on his face now; as he opens the lid on the container of treats and sets it -and his drink- on the counter top before fetching the pot of tea from the stove and warming up the contents of her mug.

“You certainly are my best son,” she chides. It’s only PARTLY a joke. Although at times he can be quite the handful and his ability to regulate his emotions and temper can cause issues both at home and at school, he’s a wonderful kid; loving so deeply and profoundly.

“Tanner wanted me to give you this,” he reaches into the pocket of the hoodie and pulls out a folded sheet of printer paper. “Things he needs. For his baking. He’s really good, huh? At the whole baking and cooking thing? Like, INSANELY good.”

“He’s quite the talent,” Esme agrees. “But so are YOU. You’ve got your own things you’re amazing at.”

“But not like him. He’s crazy smart and he can play the guitar and sing and all this baking and making dinner and stuff. He’s like a dude Martha Stewart! You know what he should do? Start a Youtube channel. People would LOVE him. People are suckers for a cute kid.”

“Well, you know Tanner; how nervous and anxious and shy he gets. You should bring it up to him. If anyone can talk him into something, it’s his big brother. He idolizes you.”

“I don’t know why. I’m not THAT great.”

“I don’t know. You’re pretty damn awesome in my books. And you’re a really good big brother. You should talk to him. He’d be willing to try, I bet. Maybe it’s something you could do together. He’d love that. He loves spending time with you. And I know it’s been hard; him going to a different school.”

“Yeah, it hasn’t been the best thing that’s ever happened,” TJ laments, and helps himself to one of the peanut butter and chocolate squares in the container. “It’s been four years and I STILL miss him. I loved having him in my class. And I loved hanging out with him at lunch and at recess. And sitting with him on the bus.”

“It was a hard decision to make. But it was the best decision. For him.”

“Yeah, my school isn’t exactly an intellectual wonderland. He’s better off where he is. With other brainiacs like him. But still, I do miss him.”

“I’m sure he misses you too. But you get a lot of time together. At home and stuff. And I always love Fridays; the bus dropping him off at your school and you guys coming to see me at the store. Hanging out until I close. Hands down my favorite day of the week.”

TJ smiles. “Mine too.”

“And I thought I was organized,” she comments, as she studies Tanner’s very neat and tidy list.

“He’s kinda anal, huh? About some things? I don’t mean that in a bad way. Just that he’s very…”

“Particular?”

TJ nods. “You know, I wish he’d see himself the way I see him. He’s always worried that he’s weird and that people don’t like him because of it. He always talks about how his brain isn’t like everyone else’s and that he wishes it was. You know what I wish? That more people were like Tanner. Because he’s talented and he’s unique and he sees the world so differently than everyone else. I know he struggles with some stuff, but it’s not a bad thing; him being the way he is. Sometime I think he’s better off than all of us.”

“Unfortunately, self hate seems to be a genetic trait as well. Who does that remind you of? Who else sees themselves in a bad light?”

“Yeah, dad is pretty good at that. Not liking who he is. I don’t why; I think he can be kinda awesome.”

“I think he can too. He’s just had a rough time. For a LONG time. He’s working on it. On a lot of things. But you know what’s really amazing at? Being a dad. I’m pretty lucky. I landed myself a pretty incredible guy. He’s not perfect, but he’s perfect for me. And as for Tanner, maybe you should tell him what you just told me. Because I guarantee you, if he heard that from his big brother? It would mean the world to him. He needs to hear stuff like that. Tell him, okay?” She rubs her palm in slow circles in the middle of his back. “It would make his day. Probably his whole year.”

“I will. I’ll tell him. Do you think he’ll live alone? Away from you and dad?”

“I don’t know,” Esme admits, and cupping her mug in both hands, turns around and leans back against the countertop. “Your dad and I talk about it from time to time. If Tanner will ever get to that stage. If he doesn’t…” she shrugs. “...he doesn’t. I mean, he could live in the pool house. He’d be close enough to home so if he did need help, we’d be right there.”

“What if he lived with me? If we got a place together? When we’re old enough, of course. Say when we’re nineteen. And I’ve got a good job. Like in the military or something.”

“That’s a lot to take on, Teej. A career like that and your brother. Would you want to do that?”

“Why wouldn’t I? He’s Tanner. He’s my baby brother. And not just any baby brother. We were made at the same time. We came out only a few minutes apart. I spent nine months with him; inside of you. Why wouldn’t I want to be with him?”

“A lot will change over the next nine, ten years. You might get tired of him by then.”

“I am NEVER getting tired of him. He’s my brother. I love him. And if it gives you and dad a break after taking care of him for so long, that’s good enough for me.”

“You are something else, Baby-Man. You really are. And I mean that in the best way possible.”

“I know you do. And I like that you still call me that. Even if I AM almost taller than you.”

“You know, you’ve been so cute and helpful these last few days, that I will ignore your cheap shot. You really ARE your dad. Head to toe. Inside and out. Facial expressions and everything. It’s freaky.” She turns and helps herself to one of the treats; a chocolate concoction with marshmallows and coconut inside and a coating made from crushed up Frosted Flakes. “You know, I craved these for my entire pregnancy with you and Tanner. Your dad used to make them for me. Dozens at a time. He’d even get up at three am to do it. Or to go get tacos. That’s probably why you like Mexican food so much.”

TJ’s eyes widen. “Dad used to bake? At three am?”

“At all hours of the day. He’s actually really good at it. These were my favourite. He made them for me; my first birthday after we got married. We had just had Millie and we didn’t have a lot of money to throw around but he still managed to make it special. Australian wildflowers, a picnic on the beach, and these. It was pretty awesome. One of the best birthdays I’ve ever had. Spent with my favorite human.”

“Dad really DOES have his moments.”

“Yeah, he really does.” Esme smiles, and takes a bite of the square. “You know, your grandma used to make these things.”

“Like mean, awful grandma or grandma Adeline?”

“Grandma Adeline. Your dad’s mom. She was quite the baker. Tanner must have inherited that from her. I know Declan got her red hair.”

“That must have been really hard. On dad. Her dying when he was little.”

“It was.” She sips at her tea and picks up the long discarded pen; absentmindedly doodling in the notebook as she speaks. “ It caused a lot of issues for him. It was pretty painful for him.”

“He still doesn’t like to talk about her.”

“It hurts. Even now. But he’s coming around. It’s not as hard for him anymore.”

“Is it true that grandpa used to beat on him? I heard him and Uncle Koen talking about it. A couple years ago. Dad seemed pretty upset. He normally doesn’t cry in front of anyone BUT you. He was kinda emotional.”

“It is true. Unfortunately. Your grandpa was a drunk and he was a narcissist and he hated his wife for having a child. It took the attention from him. Which I know sounds really weird and twisted. But that’s what happened. And when she was alive, he couldn’t stand her loving on your dad and spending time with him. So he took it out on her; beating her and saying mean things to her. Your dad used to have to listen. Sometimes grandpa would make your dad watch. Said it was to teach him how to ‘treat a woman’ and make them ‘learn their place.”

“I’m glad dad didn’t listen. For your sake. And his. I think you’d beat his ass if he ever did stuff like that to you.”

“I definitely would. And he knows it too. But, your dad isn’t like that. He isn’t the type to treat women like that. I know he has his issues, but THAT? He would never, ever, stoop to that level. It’s just not the kind of person he is.”

“Do you think that’s why dad DOES have the issues he does? The brain stuff? Because of how he got treated as a kid?”

“I don’t think it’s the only reason why, but it definitely added to it. You’ve been asking a lot of questions lately. About mental health stuff. What’s going on? You’re ten. You don’t need to worry about this. Your dad is fine. He’s doing great. A lot better than anyone thought he would. So why…?”

“I gave him shit,” TJ says, then gives an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I mean ‘crap’. I gave him crap.”

“You gave your dad crap about something? That’s pretty bold. What did he do that pissed you off?

“ I told him it was wrong. That he went away. To work. That he shouldn’t have gone.”

“TJ, why would you…?”

“You wouldn’t have done it. Given him crap for it. And I know you wanted to. I know you lied. When you told him you were okay with it. You didn’t tell him the truth, mum. You just told him what he wanted to hear.”

“Sometimes we do that,” Esme reluctantly admits. “When we love someone and we don’t want to ruffle feathers. Your dad’s come a long way. He used to be gone all the time. He was off doing jobs more than he was home with us. And I know you probably don’t remember all of that because you were so young; the missed birthdays and anniversaries. The time he couldn’t get home for Christmas. You were only three, but…”

“I was little but I DO remember. And you always acted like you were okay with it. But then he’d leave and you’d be a wreck. Just like you were this time.”

“I wasn’t a wreck. I was nervous and I was worried and…”

“Mum, you don’t have to lie to me. I heard you crying. When you thought all of us were asleep. I KNOW you were having a bad time. With dad being gone.”

“You know what? You’re right. I was. Normally I’m okay with it; I can handle him going away as long as he stays out of harm's way. But knowing he’d walked into it? It DID bother me. That he’d been so willing to help out Anil. Especially after what happened the last time he went and got his hands dirty.”

“Then why didn’t you just tell him that? That you didn’t want him doing it? That you didn’t want him going away?”

“It’s not that easy, TJ. Sometimes it’s not my place. I can’t actually tell him what he can’t and can’t do. In the same way he can’t do that with me. And when Anil called and said he needed the help…”

“He should have said no. Anil knows tons of people. Why did he need dad? He could have called someone else.”

“Your dad is very good at what he does. Or what he DID do. One of the best. And I know it sounds strange; to be proud of a job like that. To be so willing to put your life on the line for people you don’t even know. But when Anil called and needed his help, your dad couldn’t exactly say no.”

“Yes, he could have,” TJ insists. “He promised. That he’d never go away again. That he’d never go back out there after the bad guys. He promised ALL of us. And totally broke that.”

“Sometimes it happens. Sometimes he can’t help it. Sometimes…”

“Stop making excuses for him. When one of us screws up, you don’t let us give you excuses. So why do you let dad give them? There’s no reason he had to go. At all. He should have told Anil to get someone else.”

“You know, we are going to have to agree to disagree on this. I said it was okay. If he went. There’s nothing more to talk about. So let’s just drop this, okay? You don’t know what’s talked about; between your dad and I. We keep you guys out of it. For reasons exactly like this.”

“You lied to dad. When you told him you were okay with it. You weren’t. You were far from okay. And I told him that. That you had a really hard time. That you didn’t deserve to go through that. It’s not fair, mummy. That he goes and does stuff like that. I don’t care that Anil needed. WE need him. Us kids. He’s our dad. What happens if he gets killed? Then we have no dad.”

“That’s not going to happen. He’s not going to get killed.”

“He will if he keeps doing stupid shit like this. You should just be honest with him. Tell him how you really feel about him going away. ‘Cause if he thinks it’s okay, he’s going to keep doing it more and more. And then something really bad is going to happen. Worse than last time. And I don’t want that. I don’t want him going away and…” TJ’s voice cracks with emotion. “...I don’t want him going away and never coming home.”

“Tyler...hey…” she lays a hand on the side of his face “...it’s okay...just take a breath and…”

“It’s not okay. It’s never been okay. It’s never going to be okay. And if he goes away and something happens to him, I’ll hate him forever. If something bad happens to him and he never comes back, I’ll never forgive him. For doing that to us. For doing that to you.”

“Okay, I know you’re upset. And I love you so much for wanting to protect me. But right now, you just need to calm down and take it easy, alright? I know you’re going through a lot. I know puberty is starting to come and kick your ass and it’s making everything seem so much worse and…”

“Just tell him,” TJ implores, and noisily sniffles before wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his hoodie. “Just tell him you don’t want him to go. Tell him, mummy. So he doesn’t think it’s okay to leave again. Because he’ll go and something horrible will happen. And then we don’t have a dad. And we’ll barely have a mum. ‘Cause it’ll kill you. If something goes wrong and he doesn’t come back.”

“You need to to just breathe, Baby-Man,” she steps in front of him and takes his face in her hands. “ Just breathe. Everything is alright. Daddy’s home and he’s safe and he’s not going anywhere. It was just this one time. He won’t have to do that again.”

“You need to tell him. That you don’t want him going. Please, mummy. Please tell him.”

“Okay,” she promises, and draws him into a hug. Heart aching at the realization that her arms can no longer completely wrap around him; shoulders and back both broad and strong. “Everything’s alright, TJ.” She lays a hand on the back of his head and draws it down to her shoulder, the other rubbing his back comfortingly. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him how I feel; about him going away. About how ALL of us feel. Alright?”

He nods.

“Why don’t you go and get some fresh air,” she suggests. “It will make you feel better.”

“You promise you’ll talk to him?”

“I promise.” She presses a kiss to his cheek, then holds him out at arms length. “Maybe afterwards we can take the littles for a walk? You know how much Takota loves when you pull him in the sled. It’ll be good; to go and get a bit of exercise. Sound like a plan?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“You are getting so big. How do you grow up so fast? I remember finding out about you and your brother. I remember when you were born. All seven pounds of you. Now look. In a month's time, you WILL be taller than me. You’re already wearing mens size nine shoes. You’re TEN.”

“That’s what happens when your dad’s a giant, I guess.”

“You used to always call him that when you were little. You’d tell everyone that your dad was a giant. He probably seemed that way, huh? Probably seemed ten feet tall and bulletproof.”

“He still does. Well, maybe not the bullet proof part. We know THAT’S not true.”

“I know it bothers you. What happened back then. I know it’s not an easy thing to get over. That you came so close to losing him. And I’m sorry. That you had to go through all of that. I really am. If there was any way to go back and time and change it, I would. In a heartbeat. You know that, right?”

“I do, mummy.”

“Your dad loves you so much, TJ. You have no idea HOW much. When you were born and the doctor gave you to him? I’ve never seen him THAT emotional. Not even with Millie and she was his very first. After Austin. And he cried like a baby when he got to hold her. But you? I can’t even begin to describe what that was like for him. A son. After losing his first one. He was so happy and so in love with you. And that’s never changed. It never will.”

“I just don’t want to lose him. I don't know why he even takes the chance. Why does he go knowing that he might not come back? Doesn’t he love us enough to stay home?”

“Of course he does. And I WILL talk to him. Just cut him some slack, okay? The last five years haven’t been easy on him either. And he’s done so well. Better than anyone thought he would. But it’s a process; dealing with everything in his past and letting it go. So just give him a chance, alright? Can you do that? For me?”

“For you, yeah.”

“You’re such a good boy. I love you so much. More than I could ever tell you. And you ARE so much like your dad. And that’s a good thing.” She places one last kiss on his cheek and draws him into another hug. “A very good thing.”

******

The front door clicking open and a familiar Louisiana drawl calling out a greeting sets off a flurry of commotion; a mixture of both heavy and light footsteps pounding down the stairs, dogs scampering and barking, excited giggles and happy shrieks and rambling sentences in tiny voices. The kids have all become quite fond of Desmond (Desi, or Des, as Esme lovingly refers to him as) in their three years of spending time in New York City. A former University of Alabama football star, he’d found himself relocating when he’d met a very wealthy -and very much older- sports agent a decade ago; abandoning his dreams of playing profession in favour of a new existence in a new city. His husband -and admittedly the love of his life- had passed away just over a year ago. Leaving him with the elegantly and fabulously decorated brownstone in Gramercy, a small fleet of high end cars, closets full of designer apparel, and a bank account that will never run dry. He’s an enormous man; six foot seven and weighing close to three hundred pounds, most of solid muscle. Intimidating at first blush, but a complete teddy bear; compassionate and empathetic and possessing a heart even bigger than his body. And he’s hilarious and flamboyant; zero filter, exceptional taste in clothes, a love for expensive cosmetics and considerable talent in applying them, and a penchant for anything sparkly.

“You realize your front door was unlocked, don’t you?” Desi inquires as he journeys into the kitchen; monstrous hands curled around a giggling Takota’s ankles as he dangles him upside down. “Any wackadoodle could just walk in here. I know this is Gramercy Park, but it’s STILL The Big Apple. This isn’t the safe and quiet little sparrow fart town in Australia you call home. Where all you have to worry about is kangaroos and koalas and spiders the size of dinner plates.”

“I’ll have you know that koalas can be very sketchy; we have one in the tree in the front yard that hisses and spits and throws shit at you.”

“Jack!” Takota reminds her in between hiccups. “His name is Jack!”

“Well Jack is an asshole and he needs to relocate,” she says, and pats him on the bum and squeezes the cheeks; fingers moving to his sides and tickling him until both the giggles and the hiccups increase. “And it’s the dingos you have to worry about. They’re mean.”

“Dingos eat bad girls and boys,” Takota says, smoothing down his hair and his shirt when he’s put on his feet. “That’s what daddy said.”

“If that was true, we’d only have two or three kids instead of seven. Go and play. So I can talk to Desi.”

“Talk to him about what?”

“Top secret adult only stuff. Here," She snags one of the sugary goodies from the container on the island and hands it to him. “We’re going to go out soon. For a little walk. Get some fresh air. Make sure you pee BEFORE we leave. I don’t want to get you all bundled up and then have you tell me you gotta go. Hear me?”

“I can’t make any promises mumma,” Takota says, and then pops the treats into his mouth and rushes off.

“That kid is way too cute for his own good,” Desi declares. “Gonna be a heartbreaker, you know. Like his mom.”

“For the record, I’ve never broken any hearts. Well, except for the time in grade two when I didn’t want to be Freddie George’s Valentine. He just wasn’t my type; he smelled like tapioca and desperation.”

“You had a first husband, did you not? Must have broken his heart. Or you wouldn’t be on your second husband.”

“My first husband broke my jaw, my nose, more than one rib, and put me in the ICU. He’s lucky it’s only his heart that got ripped out. And what’s up with that hat?” She gestures towards the fedora atop her friend’s head. “You look like a pimp.”

“If I was a pimp, you, my little ho…” he plucks the hat from his head and places it upon hers. “...would be better dressed.”

“What is wrong with how I’m dressed? I dress like this all the time.”

“And you’re still married? Is he blind or did he hit his head too hard one too many times or…?”

“I’ll have you know, my husband doesn’t care about the packaging. Just what’s underneath. Case in point, I once bought this really nice and quite expensive baby doll nightie; totally vintage and gorgeous and this shimmering black and pink. I don’t think he even noticed. It took him like five seconds to get it off me. IF that. He does not give a shit about the wrapping paper. Just the gift that’s underneath.”

“And you, my cute, teeny little munchkin, are the gift that keeps on giving. And you must give VERY well. Seven kids and all. But baggy sweat pants and a huge tee and a way too big Quicksilver hoodie? Oh honey, no. Just no. No, no, nooo.”

“If it makes you feel any better, these sweats are Fendi.”

“That does NOT change the fact they are joggers and you should NOT be wearing joggers on the streets of New York City. You lived here before; has your little, beautiful brain forgotten what it’s like to dress here? We need to get you some retail therapy with old Desi. He’ll hook you up. A little refinement, a little sophistication, a little bling. I got you, girl.”

“Your idea of a little bling is a ten thousand dollar belt you tried to talk me into buying last year. Where would I wear a ten thousand dollar belt?”

“I don’t care if you use it in the bedroom. If your husband resorts to employing it to trap you to the headboard or if he uses it to tie your hands behind your back. That belt was spectacular and you deserve spectacular. We WILL do this; a shopping trip. Chanel, Gucci, maybe some Ralph Lauren if we feel like slumming.”

“Where am I going to wear that type of stuff? I can’t wear Gucci while I’m cleaning out the goat pen or Chanel when I’m gutting a chicken coup. And I certainly can’t wear it out shopping.”

“Not to your favourite haunt no. Definitely out of place in Target.”

“There is nothing wrong with shopping at Target.”

“There is so much wrong with it. I’ll be here all day if we start.”

“Besides, we don’t have high falutin places like Gucci where I live, remember? You’ve been there.”

“Charming little place. Reminds me of some of the towns down south I used to hit up. But girl, you fill that closet of yours with the finest of apparel. Stick with me, I’ll treat you right. And speaking of being treated right, I got the appointment for you; Christmas Eve Eve, two o’clock Sally Hershberger.”

“You are a knight in shiny, blingy armor. You really DO have strings to pull.”

“I may have had to promise some good times...sexy good times...to the receptionist. But, that’s a small price to pay for you. I’m willing to take one for the team. Or should I say, give one for the team.”

“And as much as it's a dream of mine to go to Sally, and seeing how my hair really DOES need some TLC…”

“Oh no. No. Hell no. There’s a but coming. And Desmond Brownell does not like buts. Unless it’s Idris Elba’s. And your husband’s.”

“I don’t know if I can go through with it. Not the appointment; I can go through with THAT. But cutting my hair? As short as the picture I showed you?”

“Girl, are you crazy. You’d be a knockout with a cute little side swept bob. What drugs are you on? Not that you’re ugly or anything the way you are now. I wouldn’t kick you out of bed for eating crackers or anything like that. But your hair...your whole mom thing with the constant ponytails or messy buns...it needs help. It’s screaming for help. Let me help it. Let me help YOU.”

“Just cutting it? THAT short. That’s not going to go over well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Tyler is kind of old fashioned.”

“Old fashioned? You two spent five days banging right after you met. You got knocked up out of wedlock. He proposed in the bathroom. Nothing old fashioned about any of that.”

“When it comes to certain things, he’s very...particular. Especially when it comes to my hair. He likes it long. LOVES it long. I cut it up to my shoulders once and he bitched about it for TWO years. And let’s not get into when I got bangs or when I dyed it blonde.”

“I can’t say I blame him for the bangs thing. You’re way too cute and those big brown eyes do not deserve the attention taken away by fringe. But the bob...girl...that’s fierce. You’d rock it.”

“Maybe just some highlights. Some red ones. He did really like when I colored my hair red. I can get those, a trim, a blow out.”

“You can go to Cheapy Haircuts for Us for that nonsense. This is Sally Hershberger. You are not going to her and getting just a blowout or a trim or highlights. You are going big, or going home. The husband will deal. He’d love you with no hair. It’s no secret he thinks the sun shines out of your ass. Which, I have to admit, looks fabulous in Fendi sweats.”

“Why do you think he bought them? He knows what he’s doing. He bought them for the same reason he buys me yoga pants. And I don’t even do yoga.”

“He’s an ass man. I can appreciate that. And speaking of appreciate. Desmond Brownell would like to do some appreciating right about now. Is he home? The better half? Is he in there working out?” He casts a glance towards the home gym that sits off the kitchen. “More importantly, is he in there working out shirtless? ‘Cause if he is, I’ll gladly take him a glass of water so that fine ass specimen doesn’t get parched or dehydrated. I’ll even rub down those sore, beautiful muscles. I’ve got some very top shelf massage oil at home. Smells like pecan and coconut. Unless he’s more a citrusy type. If so, I can run to the store right quick.”

“First off, you’d traumatize him. He’s as straight as they come. I know that breaks your heart to hear it, but…”

“How does he know he’s straight if he’s never ventured out of straight-hood? Unless he has and didn’t like it….”

“He hasn’t tried it. He likes women. LOVES them actually. Maybe a little too much when he was younger. He is NOT bi. Sorry.”

“But I am. So are you. And you’re damn cute and he’d probably give it a try if you talked him into a threesome.”

“Yeah, right,” Esme laughs. “That would never happen.”

“Do right by your best friend. Or are you worried he’d leave you for me? What’s the old saying? Once you go black you never…”

“My husband is straight. Very straight. And no. He’s not working out. He’s not even home. He’s out with Tanner.”

“The breakfast date, that’s right. Little T couldn’t stop talking about that. Loves his daddy, that’s for sure. You know, that kid is damn talented. Those goodies brought over and that soup? Damnnn. Move over Emeril. Little T gonna set the world on fire.”

“He’s something else that kid. He’s...incredible. There aren’t even words that can properly describe him. But, he IS having issues.”

“Uh oh. I don’t like the sounds of that.”

“He’s bored. At school. And we specifically sent him there to challenge him. It’s been great. He’s been thriving and his grades are amazing and the teachers and the kids love him. But he’s so advanced and so smart that they’re going to run out of ways to teach him. Which means we’re going to run out of options for him. Which also means, I’m going to become a heavy drinker and eat my weight in these!” She nods down at the container of sweets in front of her and pops one into her mouth. “What are we going to do? There’s only so many options where we are.”

“Homeschool? You’ve got a degree. You’re smart. You can do it.”

“No, I can’t. I’ve got a business. Two businesses, actually. And six other kids. Besides, he is way smarter than I was at that age. He’s probably smarter than I am. What am I going to do? For him?”

“You know where there ARE a lot of options…”

“We are NOT moving here. Tyler would never survive. This place? New York City? It’s not him. And I have to think about that too. What’s also best for him. We’re happy where we are. Insanely happy. Moving here is not an option. No matter how much I miss you.”

“Guess you’ve got a lot of thinking and research to do. It’ll work out. Always does.”

“Have I mentioned how much I love your optimism? And how much I’ve missed you? Or how much I love you?"

“You can mention it as many times as you like. My ego likes that shit.” He takes her face in his hands and drops a kiss on the top of her head. “We still on for dinner tonight? I’m still bringing Italian? And the wine?”

“We’re still on. Tanner is going to make the salad and the garlic bread.”

“We gon’ be eating like damn kings.”

“Are we still on for the other thing? You know; the thing we talked about? When Tyler and I take the kids to pick out a tree?”

“I got you, don’t you worry. I will let myself in and grab the stuff from the attic and sneak out. I also got the email; that ‘thing’ for Addie arrived. You know what I’m talking about?”

“The doll? I didn’t think it would arrive in time. How does it look?”

“Exactly like her. Now, you want to get a head start on the wrapping? You know I love me some gift wrapping.”

“You can do whatever your little heart desires.”

A slow grin spreads across his face. “That is what I like to hear. Now, I’m going to the gym. There’s a Latino hottie there I’ve been trying to talk up for weeks. You behave. Stay out of the wine. At least until later.”

“You gonna wear your ‘Bama t-shirt? The one that’s two sizes too small and shows off your muscles?”

“Sweetie pie, you don’ read my mind. But have you been checking out my muscles?”

“I have a ‘thing’ for muscles. And yours are very nice. Besides, I’m married. Not dead. Tyler’s going to be upset. That he’s not the only one you’re crushing on.”

“You just put his little mind at ease. Tell him he gives me the biggest woodie out of them all.”

“That’ll stroke his ego for sure. See you later? Six o’clock?”

“I’ll be here. With bells and bling on.” He presses a kiss to each of her cheeks and pulls her into a hug; tightly squeezing. “You’re just so wee and cute. I could just scoop you up and put you in my pocket. See you later, gator.” He removes the hat from her head, affectionately tousles her hair before heading out of the kitchen. “And do me a favour? Put proper clothes on for dinner. I can’t be dining with someone in sweats. Desmond Brownell has standards to uphold.”

“Desmond Brownwell needs to remember the cherry cheesecake for dessert.”

“Oh bless your heart. Thinking I need to be reminded. See ya, pip squeak.”

“You and you tall people. So cruel to us little folk.”

“Little folk?” He smirks. “You’re like one of those things in Lord of the Rings. A damn hobbit. Matter of fact, I’mma call you Frodo from now on.”

“You do that, I’ll sneak into your house and kill you in your sleep.”

Desmond laughs. “I’d like to see you try, short stuff. Later.”

“Later,” she calls, shaking her head and laughing when he hollers “Spawns of Satan; I be leaving now!” before stepping out the front door.

[adonis-koo]

tease

| 2 |

↳ Summary: You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb.

↳ Pairing: Stripper!Jungkook/Reader

↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, drama, slice of life, relationship problems without the relationship, reader is such a shy baby protect her, MUTUAL pining, so much sexual frustration,  

Word count: 9.4K

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Tags: dry humping disguised as a lapdance, heavy sub/dom overtones. MC is still thirsting over guk

Song mood

Warning: This story touches on both sexual harassment and abuse, please read with caution if any of these things are triggers to you. Additional warnings will be given when a chapter present them.

——

If there was one thing that stayed consistent in your life, it was the constant theme of you not wanting to do something and somehow still doing it anyways. You were fidgeting at the door of Cherry Bomb regretting ever being born as you fiddled with the black mini skirt you wore, wishing it had been a tad bit longer then it was. 

The cropped bustier top was also a poor choice in hindsight but this was a strip club and you weren’t about to stick out like a sore thumb, even if it was at the cost of your personal comfort.

You had been pacing outside of the door for a good ten minutes, checking your phone again before groaning altogether, his performance would be starting soon and you were positive if you didn’t go in now there was no way in hell you would when he started. Just the idea of him on stage had you red in the face and ready to melt.

Could you seriously face him while he did that? How could anyone have such confidence? Couldn’t he just invite to see him after he performed? Why did you have to watch and then see him?

You almost let out a whine as you stamp your feet, gaining some attention by passing by club goers, making your face all the more red. You must’ve looked like such a dumbass. Forcing yourself to swallow hard before forcing your feet towards the club, opening the door before letting the neon lit atmosphere sweep you away.

You had never been clubbing on your own, let alone something as scandalous as a strip club. But Korea still had strict laws when it came to prostituation and naturally, stripping went hand in hand, that didn’t stripping illegal obviously. But you were well aware it was still more conservative here. Or at least at Cherry Bomb. If dicks were whipped out it would be a cold day in hell before you ever stepped foot in this strip club.

It was an insanely crowded night in Cherry Bomb and there was barely in tables open and most single seats taken, there was no way all of these girls could be here for Jungkook, right? That’s when you noticed workers on the floor, Hoseok being one of them sitting at a table of five women, smiling brightly as he eagerly talked to them all. There were a few other workers as well but you didn’t recognize them.

The first place you had went though, was the bar. You’d need something strong to survive this performance and then be able to form a decent conversation with Jungkook afterwards. Your stomach was already working up a nasty pit and you felt extremely nauseous despite having not ate before coming. The only solution you could pray would work is a mixed whiskey.

“Damn he’s determined I’ll give him that.” Taehyung spotted you with a laugh as you groaned, sitting down on the bar stool as you pressed your hands against your face. Both in embarrassment and exasperation, “Want something to drink?”

“Coke and whiskey please.” You almost pleaded with a pout, red cheeks and all as you rubbed your eyes with another sigh making him laugh. He went to work deftly on your drink, his speed and delicacy almost mesmerizing and just enough of a distraction to keep you from thinking about what you were about to witness.

How did girls come here to destress? You had never felt so stressed in your life because of this place, “Is this Jungkook’s muse?”

Your head shot up to the sound of a more gravelly voice as you furrowed your brows, the other bartender had made his way over with an amused look as Taehyung laughed, handing you your drink as he answered, “Yeah that’s her.”

His muse? Your face was already hot as it was, did they really have to go around and say that too?

“Oh wow you weren’t kidding, she’s completely out red.” The other bartender snorted out a laugh at your endearingly embarrassed face, furthering as you groaned. Why did god torment you like this?

“This is Yoongi,” Taehyung waved a hand towards him as he laughed along with him, “If you end up taking the job you’ll get acquainted with us quickly.”

You feel the uneasiness taking over your body as you set your drink down. Everyone seemed to be really sold on you taking the job. Did they really think you could do it? You pressed your lips together as you glanced between them hesitantly before sighing altogether, “Does he really think I can do it?”

Taehyung gave you a sympathetic smile as he plucked the cup up from beside you, pouring out it’s contents in the sink as he began washing it, “Look, I’ve known Jungkook since he was a trainee, he’s never took on a trainee of his own before, so if he says you can...Well I'd be willing to bet he’s onto something.”

Despite his words you still had a hard time believing it. You said no more as you grabbed your drink, swiveling around in your chair to face the stage again, letting Taehyung’s words linger in your mind. He had never took on a trainee before? You weren’t going to pretend you knew a single thing on how the strip industry worked and how strippers were trained. In fact, you didn’t even realize they took on trainee’s but you supposed it made sense.

Taehyung made it sound like a big deal that he had choose you, you didn’t understand why outside of him being the main attraction here but you’d just have to go on his word for now. Standing up you began to look for a seat as the lights dimmed. His show should be starting any minute now.

Spotting an empty table more towards the back you made your way over, setting your glass down as you fiddled with you skirt. Sitting down in the plush seat as you continued to wiggle to try and get comfortable, but no matter how much you moved your nerves were too on edge to be truly relaxed.

Your stomach had instantly dropped into a pit when the stage relit and thats when you saw him, and just like the previous month, Jungkook had been clad in a white button up and slacks, his tie already loose and hair styled, he practically dripped with sex appeal. The music had already started up but he hadn’t moved, all eyes on him with bated breath.

All it took was one smirk and the screams of the girls in the crowd heightened, he owned this stage and he knew it. His movement was so smooth and captivating as he began the routine, or was it all freeform?

You weren’t sure, but what you did know was the way his body moved so sensually, the way those long nimble fingers glided against the buttons of his shirt. Your face was hot red and it was difficult to not look away at this point.

Jungkook wasn’t in any hurry though despite the roar of the crowd, that amused, sultry smirk on his face clearly eating up every reaction from the crowd. His eyes though...that’s what caught your attention the most, they looked like they were sweeping the crowd in search of something.

It didn’t disrupt his performance though as he finally let the button up drop from his shoulders.

His chiseled upperbody on display, that slim waist complimenting his broad, muscular shoulders that would’ve felt so good stretching against.

Your hands almost slapped your face in horror at the idea that had so rudely popped into your head, but once it was there you couldn’t get it to leave. The idea of being underneath him. You’d be squirming to close your thighs from the pure embarrassment, but he wouldn’t let you....Groaning you sank further into your seat, face burning up at the idea and your face wasn’t the only thing hot and bothered now. 

His hand’s, fuck his hands...they had just popped the button of his slacks, were they warm at the moment? Would he have a tight grip on your thighs while prying them open?

You tightly crossed your legs at the idea as you grabbed your glass, knocking back a large mouthful as your throat burned from the twinge of vanilla that had tinged the whiskey.

Your head beginning to feel a little lighter and less embarrassed but your mind was beginning to fog and thoughts of Jungkook in less than appropriate ways began to invade your thoughts. Seeing him push down his slacks though made your eyes wide and that’s when you realized what he had been looking for in the crowd. You.

You had only met his eyes briefly before they dropped to the ground, your mind sobering as you almost let out a whine.

Why? Why? Why? Did you have to be like this? Your thighs kept rubbing together in need of friction though and your mind was still spiraling at the briefest glance of those thick thighs, you could almost feel his hot skin against your core, how wet you’d be riding those taut thick muscles. Fuck.

You weren’t sure when he had gotten off stage, but seeing those thighs right in front of you had you panicking. Jungkook had gave you the worlds biggest smirk, drinking up those red cheeks and your flustered eyes as he made himself comfortable against your hips. Rolling into yours agonizingly slow as you squirmed beneath him, “Like that babygirl? I saw you working yourself up from the stage.”

You almost strangled out a whimper at his words, your knuckles were beginning to turn white at the feeling of his hardened length strapped tight in the confines of his Calvin Klein’s rubbing hard against your thigh, “What were you thinking in that pretty little head of yours, huh?”

“I-is this how you were gonna convince me?” You managed to fumble out, trying to keep his husky voice from invading your mind further while struggling to keep your hips from needily bucking into his.

You could hear him laugh against your ear, his voice like liquid velvet, smooth and deep as he murmured, “No actually, but fuck. You look too cute sitting here like a good little girl ready to get on your knees for me.”

Your hands shot to your face, covering your eyes as best you could despite your body temperature flaring at his words, you had never even heard someone come close to talking so much filth in your ear. Having it slam dunk it self so abruptly on you had you reeling and Jungkook laughing again at your expression, “Fuck- is this at least working to convince you?”

“No.”

“I figured as much,” Jungkook flashed a smug grin at your figure, giving one last thrust to your hips, his length hitting against your sensitive clit making you breath out an embarrassing squeak, “Meet me in my dressing room okay? We’ll talk there.”

It wasn’t until he got off you that you were able to breath properly, sighing in relief as he made his way to collect the money on stage before heading towards the staff door. Oh my god. You grabbed your glass before harshly chugging the rest.

You’d need it for whatever happened through that door, your body was hot and embarrassingly wet and he had barely even did anything. Maybe taking this job wasn’t a good idea. You shuffled in your seat for a moment, debating on just calling it a day and going home.

But it had took you so long to work up the courage to come into the club, it would be a waste to not at least get the full rundown on what stripping would ensue. And you’d be lying to say you weren’t interested…curious in Jungkook. You facepalmed in shame, images of your boyfriend running through your mind, you loved Hanjae….right? You gnawed on your lower lip before standing up. He’d kill you if he ever found out you stepped foot into Cherry Bomb on your own, let alone for the proposition of becoming a stripper yourself.

One step became two and eventually you found yourself reluctantly pushing the staff door open to see a flurry of people. Strippers to be exact, running around half dressed or getting dressed while making their way to and fro. You fidgeted for a moment unsure of where to go in the maze of hallways. Where would Jungkook’s dressing room be in all of this?

Noticing two of the workers talking animatedly you timidly walked over, coughing a little to gain their attention as you asked meekly, “Um...I’m looking for Jungkook…”

They both shared looks before you got the quick impression that your presence was unwanted, the one on the right rolling her eyes before they narrowed into a pointed glare, “Clients aren’t allowed back here princess. What are you an airhead?” Your lips parted in surprise at how rudely she scoffed before waving her hand, “Y’know what? Whatever, probably just one of his daily deepthroat sessions- down the hall make a right and go all the way down, his is the last door on the left.”

You nodded before quickly lowering your gaze, a daily deepthroat session? Your lips quivered slightly before forcing yourself to keep going. Trying to ignore the stares you received as you followed the workers directions. The plaque on the door let you know this must’ve been his dressing room, labelled ‘Jeon Jungkook’

Your hand was shaky but you forced it to rap against the door before fidgeting once more, he didn’t lure you here just to shove his dick down your throat, right?

Thoughts raced through your mind left and right as your nervousness began to take over, just as you were about to bail the door opened to reveal Jungkook, a million dollar smile on his face at the sight of you, “Good to see I didn’t scare you off babygirl, come in.”

He signaled you in while stepping back. You gave a small sigh of relief to see he had meanwhile changed into a pair of sweatpants and a loose shirt, his hair looked rather wet and messy from running his hand through it but at least he was fully dressed. Swallowing you stepped in with a nervous smile as you shut the door, “You almost did.”

Jungkook turned over his shoulder, a cocky smile placing on his lips as he raised his brows, letting out a hum as he asked, “Then why are you here? Hm?”

Why were you here? You knew it was just a teasing comment, but you had thought about his words for a moment because honestly, you didn’t know yourself. Wrapping your arms around yourself you glanced away from him before shrugging reserved, “Well I dropped my old job a few weeks ago and bills won’t pay themselves…”

“Yeah but anyone who actually goes into this business thinking they’re gonna get rich is a dumbass,” Jungkook replied promptly, stepping closer as he peered down at you, “And correct me if I’m wrong but- you don’t look like someone with that ideal in mind.”

Rubbing the back of your neck you began to feel your face, that had onced calmed down, begin to flair again as you sighed, looking back towards him as your lips threatened to tilt into an apprehensive frown. He was right, you didn’t want this job because you thought you’d get rich, “...Do you really think I’d be a good stripper?” You wanted the job because for the first time in your life, someone saw sexual worth in you. And it wasn’t just sexual worth, it was worthy enough to put time and effort into, something no one in your life had ever truly done.

You were drawn to him in that aspect, it felt like Jungkook could help cultivate some much needed confidence that you knew you lacked. You were standing in this room because you wanted to see for yourself, if he was actually right. If you could actually be desirable enough, confident enough to become a successful stripper.

“I think you’d be a hell of a stripper.” Jungkook leaned in, his voice quieter, huskier as he answered his eyes burning with fact that you didn’t dare debate. Backing off he stepped back before shrugging, “But that’s if you’re willing to learn. I’m an upfront guy Y/n I’m sure you figured that much out, so I’m gonna be honest with you.” Jungkook sat down in his pulled out chair at his vanity table, legs spread comfortably as he continued, “I’m not gonna go easy on you, I don’t deal with divas, slackers or smart asses. No exceptions. I don’t like my time wasted so if you aren’t in this one hundred percent its not gonna work.”

You nibbled against your lower lip in thought before frowning, you had expected as much. Given all the talk around Jungkook it had to be part of the explanation on why he didn’t do trainee’s, and being a dance major in college had given you surprisingly tough skin when it came to actual work.

It wasn’t that you’d give him any problems in that realm, you had only one hesitation, one you couldn’t sign those papers without being answered, “Why me?” you finally threw up your hands with a huff, looking him directly in the eyes, feeling somewhat fed up for reasons unknown as you repeated, “Why me? Out of all the girls, you and I both know there was plenty more than capable of working with you.”

Jungkook lifted his chin slightly, as if taking your challenge as he stood up again stepping towards you, ultimately making you shrink back slightly at his tall height, licking his plump lips as he curved a brow, “Because I only take who I think have potential to become the best. Anything else isn’t worth my time. Yeah they were good, but they aren’t going to go anywhere Y/n,” he gave a short incredulous laugh, “They aren’t gonna become soloists, or gain Cherry Bomb any profit. They won’t actually make a name for themselves. But you? Sweetheart you have the ability for that and then some,” Jungkook pressed his lips together before concluding, “If you can’t trust yourself, trust me.”

It was quiet for a moment as you both stared at each other. Wordlessly you broke his intense gaze before sighing, you weren’t sure what it was about him. But you wanted to believe him, his eyes were so bright and they burned so deeply almost pleading for you to just take the leap of faith in him, in a stranger and fall into this strange life, “...Okay…”

...

That was how you found yourself sitting on the couch, the contract papers set out on the coffee table and a pen in hand as Jungkook eagerly peered over your shoulder, jumping in anytime you had a question and freely talking and explaining the whole time as you filled it out, “Does everyone start out as a trainee?”

“Yeah pretty much,” Jungkook nodded, leaning back in his seat as he hummed, “Unless they have previous experience in stripping, if that was the case we’d set them up as a filler- the girls who dance between soloist shows. But Cherry Bomb is open to trainee’s so we usually get workers without any background.”

He was, at the very least, extremely informed on how things worked in Cherry Bomb and you couldn’t say you were surprised when he was its main show. But you were still grateful, if Jungkook was going to be mentoring you, you were glad it was him. You both seemed to naturally get along really well outside of all the sexual innuendos he made sure to stick into the conversation.

“Then what’s the difference between a trainee and a filler?” You turned towards him with furrowed confused brows, didn’t everyone dance regardless? Or was that not how that worked?

Jungkook laughed at your expression as he replied, “Well filler’s actually dance. Trainee’s are usually started out with just working on form, choreography, sensuality, and of course the stripping aspect. If you aren’t comfortable in front of your coworkers, your not gonna be comfortable in front of a crowd.”

You had already turned back to the contract, signing down for direct deposit on a weekly check as you hummed to signal you were still listening. Going down to the next line is when you paused, cheeks began to glow as you sighed, facepalming which gained his attention, “What’s up baby?”

“Why is contraceptives on the contract form?” You glowered in embarrassment as you peaked out from your covered face, only to see Jungkook snorting out a laugh as you groaned. Burying yourself back in your hands as he grabbed the paper from the table.

Reading over the line before answering, “Well it’s pretty well known even though prostitution is illegal that doesn’t stop a lot of strip workers from using it as a side hustle. We don’t really want any pregnancies or possibility a lawsuit on our hands if one of the girls got knocked up. You don’t have to be on birth control if it’s for medical purposes, but generally that’s the policy for the girls to just avoid that mess altogether.”

“Oh so you can just knock up whoever you want and get away with it.” You huffed rolling your eyes before snatching the paper back from him, setting it down on the table once more as you gave your signature on taking birth control before writing off further that you were already on it and what you used.

“By definition yeah but I’m pretty sure Sejin would kill us if he found out any of the male strippers got a girl pregnant from the job,” Jungkook leaned back in his seat again as answered, a smirk tugging on his lips as he continued, “My motto: keep it wrapped and you won't get your neck snapped. Cherry Bomb is extremely picky on making sure safe sex is a thing at all times whether it’s between the workers or with clients.”

He started cackling though when you facepalmed, you were really in a strippers dressing room, signing a paper to be mentored under this guy. Hell really must’ve froze over. Flipping over to the next page, “They’re thorough I’ll give them that.” You replied before finishing up the paperwork.

Leaning back in your seat finally as you handed the contract over to Jungkook as you hummed, “When do we start?”

“Tomorrow first thing in the morning,” Jungkook chirped as he stood up, briefly glancing over to make sure you hadn’t left anything out, “Oh give me your phone so I can put my number in, I’ll text you the schedule when I get off work tonight.”

Nodding you unlocked your phone before handing it over to him, watching him furrow his brows slightly as he typed in his phone number, handing it back over to you once he had finished, “Oh shouldn’t I give you mine?” You remembered before asking, it wasn’t that you hated texting first, it just felt a little awkward, or did it?

“Oh your friend already gave me it.” Jungkook replied dismissively as your expression dropped for two reasons, the first being holy shit you hoped Seulgi had got the job and two, she gave him your number? Why didn’t she tell you?

“She did…?” You murmured out with a frown.

Jungkook shrugged before setting your contract down on his vanity, “Well....I mean technically I asked her for it at the audition since you were on the phone, but it was strictly for professional purposes at first.”

“At first.” You qouted, unable to keep that amused smile off your face at his sheepish expression, “What were you gonna do with it if I hadn't said yes to meeting you here?”

It was Jungkook’s turn to smile, cocky and confident as he leaned down slightly while replying, “Well then I would’ve settled on just asking you out, but congrats baby, you get to see me daily now.”

You cocked your head away from him, the pouty glare covering your expression as you felt your face heat up at his words. He really thought he could get into your pants that easily, and he was one hundred percent correct but, boyfriend.

Fuck boyfriend! What were you gonna do with Hanjae? You couldn’t just tell him you accidentally became a stripper, “What’s up baby? Why the stressed look?” Jungkook’s expression had instantly shifted into one of concern as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants.

“Well….” You glanced away from him, taking a hesitant step back making him frown, “...I just...don’t know how to break my new job to my boyfriend…”

“Boyfriend?” Jungkook hadn’t meant to let the scoff escape his lips, making you raise your brows with the wrong idea as he asked, “You have a boyfriend?”

“Is that difficult to believe?” You curled away with unappreciative look, you didn’t fare well to people assuming so much about you. No matter how good looking he was, you were admittedly sensitive to judgement, which you supposed went hand in hand with your lack of confidence.

Jungkook's pupils dilated slightly as if realizing his mistake, quickly shaking his head as he gave a slight cough, “No! I’m actually not surprised at all,” You noticed his eyes seemed to dim a little at his own words as he continued, “You just never mentioned a boyfriend before.”

“Well yeah... but this is also the first time I’ve gotten to properly talk to you,” You hummed out, crossing your arms defensively at his words. He was right though, you could’ve cut him off even at the audition, maybe even before that when you first met if you wanted to go the extra mile.

But you hadn’t and admittedly...you didn’t really want to tell him. Guilt gnawed in your stomach at the idea and briefly it made you wonder why you were in a relationship if you couldn’t proudly flaunt it.

There was a quiet tense moment though you were struggling to figure out where the tension was coming from, it wasn’t based sexually. Jungkook cleared his throat as he glanced away from you, expression unreadable before it bounced back to a more familiar one, “Anyways...just tell him you work nightshift at retail, it usually does the trick. Bigger question, why does it matter?”

You almost sputtered a laugh at his question, raising your own brows as you answered, “Why does it matter? He’s my boyfriend, he didn’t even want me going to the audition for Cherry Bomb let alone becoming a stripper here. Of course it matters. What kind of boyfriend wouldn’t mind his girlfriend being a stripper?”

“Well I mean…” Jungkook pressed his lips together as he trailed off, making a point to not continue his sentence at your unappreciative glare.

Would Jungkook not care? Of course he wouldn’t, not when he was also a stripper. That didn’t matter though, Hanjae wasn’t a stripper and he definitely wouldn’t be a fan of you being a stripper, “Like I said, night shift always does the trick.”

“And that actually works?” You curved a brow expectantly as you crossed your arms. Did people actually believe it that easily? It wasn’t like you’d go around telling people where you worked all the time, but it was going to come up in conversation with friends and family...family, oh god. Oh god your family. What were you gonna tell them?

“No...well yes but no. I doubt anyone believes it but nobody is gonna question you about it.” Jungkook shrugged while walking over to his vanity, glancing at the clock on the wall briefly as he grabbed what looked to be a change of clothes, “Trust me baby it’ll be fine- and if your boyfriend really gives you a problem about it, just tell me, I’ll sort it out. Anyway’s I have a few more performances before I head home, you’re gonna stay right?”

You were reeling from so many different changes in his voice, first of all, why would you go to him if your boyfriend gave you a problem? And furthermore that was sending you all kinds of different mixed signals, both from him and yourself.

You didn’t want to ask, and he probably wouldn’t tell, so you decided to just focus on the easiest part of his reply, “So you can dry hump me again?”

Not the best response…

“Oh, like you didn’t enjoy it.” Jungkook’s voice deepened as he stepped closer, a smirk coiled on his lips and his eyes already glazing with lust, “I heard those little needy whimpers babygirl,” you swallowed thickly, feeling your body pang with heat you knew you wouldn’t be able to take care of yourself, “Hope that boyfriend of yours can take care of such a good little girl, I know I would.”

You watched him lick his lips feverishly and you knew all sorts of thoughts were running through his mind. But his words effectively on their own were what made you finally crumble, pressing your hands into your red, flustered face. Unable to even look at him.

Your body was too hot and your mind beginning to become too fuzzy to stay any longer without things getting out of hand, “...I’ll see you tomorrow.”

It was all you could mutter out from underneath your hands as you heard him laugh.

“See you in the morning babygirl.”

----

What kind of establishment made their workers arrive at 7AM when they had just clocked out fewer hours before? Was this secretly some sort of sadistic cult?

Did they enjoy depriving their dancers of sleep? How did Jungkook stay so chipper on such little sleep?

You were groaning with a coffee in hand and dance bag on shoulder as you sluggishly walked up to the familiar doors of Cherry Bomb, it was closed except for all the life of the workers inside. The large crowd of, what you assumed, must’ve been the fillers Jungkook was talking about in the main room.

Plenty sprawled out on the floor while some were up on staging rehearsing.

You had texted Seulgi the night before, asking if she ever got a call. Mainly for your own sake because if you had landed this and she hadn’t...you didn’t even want to think about it, But furthermore there was no telling what hellfire she’d endure if you had to do this alone. Luckily she did in fact get the call, but it made you wonder. Why hadn’t she told you?

You decided to not give it any more thought then a brief wonder, Seulgi on the other hand seemed shocked that you had actually signed the contract.

Biting your lip you sighed, you supposed it was out of character for you to be doing this but...there was something so reassuring about Jungkook, you couldn’t really place why you decided to trust him.

He just seemed so genuine in his desire for you to succeed, it almost made you feel the need to be cautious, nobody was that genuine, right?

You stepped further inside despite the blaring sound from the speakers, a few of the dancers using the vacant poles to grind against.

You had come fifteen minutes early mainly due to the fact that you weren’t sure what protocol was for stripping, there was a saying in the dance industry though, that if you were on time, you were late.

You had always followed that rule, constantly making sure to arrive early to get warmed up. Albeit this wasn’t for dancing, at least not what you were used too.

What did training really mean though? Jungkook had explained briefly the night before but he didn’t dive into it all that much.

“You’re early.” You jumped at the voice that was beginning to become familiar as you snapped around to see Jungkook leaned against the bar counter from the other side, a can of soda in hand.

Who the fuck drank soda this early in the morning? Your stomach was beginning to churn at just the idea of the bubbly, sugar ridden substance in his hand, “Good, take a seat we have a few things to go over before we start.”

Jungkook gestured a hand towards the seat that sat across from where he stood, shrugging you did as told before raising a brow, “Whats up?” he did cover quite a few basics with you the night before, but you supposed just as you were beginning to find out, stripping was a lot more complicated than you anticipated.

“Well lets go over your work schedule first, you aren’t actually going to be put on the stage until this coming Saturday, so we have a whole week until then. There’s two jobs as a stripper, you’re either on stage or you’re working the floor entertaining clients. That’s what you’ll be doing until Saturday. Since you’re a trainee you’ll be accompanying me the first week until you get the hang of it.” Jungkook began to explain, running a hand through his hair as he took another drink from his can.

It felt weird seeing him in such a casual state after last night, the sweatpants he adorned similar but his white shirt was big, fitting more around his shoulders before loosening at his waist, his hair messy like he had just rolled out of bed. In fact. He probably had and you couldn’t blame him.

“What do you mean entertaining? How does that work?” You furrowed your brows in confusion. You supposed it made sense, at least it explained seeing some of the workers out in the crowd sitting with the clients that was. But what purpose did it serve?

Jungkook couldn’t help but give an amused smile at your words, “Talk to them, make conversation, it’s a good way to build a name for yourself in the beginning. If people like you, they’ll come back to see you again. It’s like the connection builder for strippers. If people are bored of what’s on stage we come in, sit down with them and give them something to drool over. Helps crowd control and keeping things alive, not to mention if a soloist is working the floor, lots of people come just in hopes of getting to talk to us. You mentioned you have a hard time with people so you’ll stay with me the first few days when I work the floor, it’ll help keep pressure off of you until you get the hang of it.”

Biting against your lower lip you gave a hum as you leaned down to rest your chin against your hand, how much thought had he put into this in so little time? Regardless you were thankful for it, you weren’t going to lie in saying you wouldn’t be nervous, even working the floor seemed intimidating but at least he’d be with you to give you pointers.

“That being said,” Jungkook paused before glancing out over the main floor before continuing, “You’ll be put more on the floor in the beginning then on stage. Solo shows, all the money and recognition, you don’t get any of that right now so don’t let that pretty little head get ahead of itself okay? You’re what the fillers call…” Jungkook sighed before rolling his eyes, “A bottom feeder. You’re taking scraps at the moment and I’m gonna warn you, everyone is gonna give you shit for it. Right now you have to prove yourself and it’s not gonna be easy. The fillers are going to be especially brutal on you, so just ignore them.”

His words were beginning to stress you out, everyone was going to put you through the grinder just because you were new? You got it in a way, it was like that in the dance world but even then, it wasn’t that harsh.

Why was everyone so cold here? You understood business was business but still, “Hey,” Jungkook gave a hushed coo at your stressed expression, you jolted at the feeling of his warm, larger hand folding into yours to bring you out of your thoughts as he lifted it up, squeezing it gently as he hummed, “Don’t worry about it okay baby? Like I said before, if you work with me you won’t have a problem proving yourself here, just you wait.”

Your lips quivered slightly, threatening to frown as you glanced at him sullen before you let your eyes flickering to your hand, his fingers tangling into yours. The pads of his fingertips and palms were calloused making you wonder, did he dabble in pole dancing too?

Was it from an instrument he played in his off time? His fingers were much longer than yours, and much warmer. But it wasn’t heat, it was like electricity shooting through your skin at every little movement of his fingers against yours. His touch felt so familiar for a stranger it almost made you feel intimidated.

“Okay…” You murmured finally, letting your fingers slip from his as you pulled away, unsure if you were comfortable with such an intimate gesture. But it really wasn’t intimate at all, it was just Jungkook, making it feel that way. What a weird sensation.

“Now that we have that out of the way, there’s one last thing we have to talk about,” Jungkook’s expression hardened a little making you nervous, he looked more serious than before, “I know we just met and it’s asking a lot, but it’s extremely important that you trust me completely, as your mentor It’s my job to make sure you’re prepared to step into the world of stripping, that your safe and comfortable at all times with whatever we’re doing. I get it, this is new, it’s scary, but that’s what I’m here for. If someone bothers you, if a client makes you uncomfortable, if anything happens you need to tell me, okay?”

Now you felt utterly exposed, his gaze so earnest and genuine you wanted to melt into a puddle, but it was also so reassuring, so warm, for a moment it made you remember why you had signed on for this in the first place. Jungkook wouldn’t let anything happen to you.

Nodding you murmured, “Okay.”

Clasping his hands together Jungkook stood up straight as he gave you a confident smile, “Alright now that that’s out of the way, let’s get started. We’ll be working in one of the private rooms us soloists use to work in. You’ll be able to focus properly there and I know all of them personally, they’re nice so don’t worry.” Jungkook had made his way around the bar before gesturing you to follow.

You had followed behind quickly as he began to head down a hallway, you had seen this one before but always assumed it lead to the restroom.

The hallway looked a lot different under standard lighting then it did at night and then it made sense as you asked aloud, “Cherry Bomb offers private shows?”

“Mhm, for anyone who has the money. Sometimes it's just an exclusive client or others it could be a full party. Generally it’s used for someone who wants to see their favorite dancer. If you get lucky Saturday you might score a client.” Jungkook sent a wink your way making you flush in the face as you looked away.

“I severely doubt that happens,” You pinched the bridge of your nose, feeling your nerves rile up at just the idea of dancing for someone privately, “What’s the benefits?”

“Well it’s extra money for one. The more detail the client puts into it the more you make, if they want a specific song, costume, choreography, it racks up in your favor. Private shows are how you’re gonna make most of your money in the beginning so take advantage of it while it lasts.” Jungkook answered, an amused look on his face as your flustered expression, refusing to meet his gaze.

You paused in front of the door though, furrowing your brows in confusion at his words, “What do you mean, while it lasts? Wouldn’t you give lots of private shows?” It only made sense with him being the most popular stripper, right?

Jungkook suddenly ruffled your hair making your squirm, face heating up while you let out a whine making him laugh, “If I wasn’t so expensive sure. Soloist’s get pricey so the average client isn’t gonna be able to afford us, me above all else given my title,”

Opening the door Jungkook placed a delicate hand around you waist guiding you in as he hummed, “It’s worth it when I get a client but that doesn’t happen often so take advantage of it while you’re still cheap, it’s when you get the most clients.”

You nodded despite the nervousness you felt at the idea. It made sense but putting his advice to use was a whole different ball game. You supposed you’d just have to see how the week went before wanting to dive into private dancing so quickly and you assumed Jungkook probably felt the same given your timid demeanor.

“Oh my god she’s so pretty!”

You jumped at the sound of a loud squeal, the girl had practically pounced to view a smile bright enough to light the whole room, her hair long and silky and face sharp and fox like, she was absolutely stunning, “Is this your little muse Gukkie? She’s so pretty no wonder you like her so much!”

Your face was bright red as she gently clasped your cheeks, inspecting your face thoroughly making your face hotter by the second, “Oh she’s so shy! What a cutie.”

You were suddenly tugged away from her grip as Jungkook glared at her unappreciative, a hand tightly gripped against your waist as he huffed, “Yes she’s my trainee, Y/n this is Rosè our main girl.”

You were hyper aware of every touch of Jungkook’s hot skin against your own, your face even worse than before at being so close to him now despite his introduction to the cheeky girl.

She gave a teasing smile to Jungkook as her eyes flickered from the arm he had tightly wrapped around you back to your expression, “Welcome to the team sweetheart! I’m excited to see you dance, Jungkook was practically gushing.”

You gave a nervous smile at her words, had Jungkook really talked you up that much to all of his coworkers? You really hoped he hadn’t, “Oh...well I hope I don’t disappoint you then.” You gave a nervous laugh.

Jungkook sighed exasperatedly, shifting his grip against you as he shot his friend a look, “Didn’t I explicitly tell you to not scare her?”

You had been pressed so close against him you might as well have been in a hug, the faint scent of his cologne was becoming strong and beginning to make your head dizzy.

Was he always this touchy? You weren’t going to last a week if he was going to be up in your business like this constantly.

“She’s not scared Guk! She’s just timid, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Rosè practically cooed out her words gently, a warm smile being sent your way only furthering your sheepishness, “Word of advice, confidence can go a long ways on stage, even if you freeze or mess up the crowd won’t notice.”

You nodded eagerly at her words, the same rule applied for dancing. But you were able to dance confidently any day of the week, it was familiar and you were good at it, you were really good at it. This, you supposed it could be labeled similar but it was still something very new, and very intimidating.

“Well good news,” Jungkook had already begun to pull you away from Rosè much to her amusement as she began laughing, “I’m not just gonna throw you on stage Saturday and expect you to be amazing, we have a few starting points we need to work on.”

Pulling you away from the small group of people and off to the side of the room Jungkook had finally released your arm.

Giving a sigh of relief as you breathed in a large amount of air that wasn’t intoxicated by his scent as he continued, not even noticing, or maybe just already getting use to your constant flustered state, “Alright babygirl let’s get to work.”

He took a few steps and that’s when you noticed the switch in his demeanor, right now he was in mentor mode. At least he’d leave you alone to brood, on the bright side.

----

The entire morning was spent doing the most outlandish things you had never even took into account for stripping. Everything from how you should look expression wise, where you placed your hands, hell even the way you walked was apparently ‘too sharp’.

But this? You knew it was going to be addressed eventually, but for him to jump you so soon? It was appalling to your shy nature.

“Y/n…”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No!” You cried out, squirming from underneath him your hands plastered against your face, cheeks undeniably red and to be fair- he hadn’t even done anything.

This wasn’t any sort of lap dance exercise, Jungkook had mainly got on top of you, to try and work on eye contact. Something you just couldn’t do.

There was something about it that just so intimidating and you felt so exposed and vulnerable from it.

“Y/n don’t be a brat.” Jungkook growled out in frustration, pressing his weight further on top of you and there was a note in his voice hard to argue with.

Every sense in your body wanting to obey his every command but it went against your nature, making you too shy to want and do so, “If you can’t look me in the eyes what makes you think you’ll be able to for a client? Now don’t make me say it again; eyes.”

You let out a whine at his words, forcing your hands away from your face as you set them down, your chin was jutted to the side to try and stay away from his intense gaze but he wasn’t having it.

Clasping your chin between his fingers Jungkook forced your eyes to meet his, “I-I’m not a dominant person Jungkook I..I can’t just- wait no, no, no that- that came out wrong...!” You hands practically flew up to your face again as you let out another embarrassed whine, why did you have to be like this? Seriously? Who says they aren’t dominant in open conversation?

Jungkook wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t going to go easy on you, and this wasn’t an exception as he refused to let you wallow in misery while everyone who was laid out in the group of soloists were all laughing at the train wreck, which was you.

Jungkook had suddenly grabbed both of your wrists in his hand, forcing them above your head as his jaw clenched in irritation, his other hand coiling under your chin to force you to look at him as he leaned in, “You think I’m not aware of that babygirl? This isn’t about dominance or submission, you aren’t going to be jumping in a clients beds anytime soon. This is about confidence in eye contact, this extends both on and off the stage.”

You sported the worlds biggest pout as he explained the purpose but you already understood why he was doing it, you just naturally weren’t inclined to follow. Jungkook was initially right, you both worked well together in just about every other aspect, but as of now he was on top of you, radiating a strong, commanding presence and with your mind spiralling into the gutter, your first reaction...was to submit.

Maybe that was a toss up to put the blame on him for your obstinance but that was how you felt.

After one more second of being devoured alive by his dark burning gaze he finally let go off you while sighing, his dominant aura wearing off as sat down across from your laid out figure, “It’s a start.”

You groaned at his words before rolling onto your side, curling into yourself wanting nothing more than the sweet embrace of death, your cheeks still glowing red and your body too hot to be acceptable at the moment.

“You’re being too hard on her Jungkook, it’s her first day.” Rosè pouted her pretty plump lips with a frown, curving a brow despite the amused glint in her eyes and embarrassingly all it took was a single pat on the ground for you crawl your way over to sit by her.

“She obviously isn’t use to anything as intimate as lapdancing- you aren’t a virgin are you?” It looked as if the question just occurred to her making you flush in the face.

Facepalming you murmured a soft, “No…” you probably looked like one though at this point.

Wrapping a comforting arm around you Rosè gave it a soothing squeeze, a calming aura about her you couldn’t quite place, “That’s good! Being well versed in sex isn’t neccasary but it’s going to help you become a lot more comfortable a lot quicker in stripping.”

Jungkook had made his way over on the other side of the broken circle, sitting down with his hands supporting him from behind, looking between you and Rosè both before his eyes landed on her arm wrapped around you, “You sure you don’t just want to sleep with her?”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,” Rosè shot back much to your mortification, face brightening as you sighed, pressing your hands back against your face, all of these attractive people were going to be the death of you, “Not like you’re one to talk Jungkook you’ve been all over her all morning long.”

“She’s my trainee.” Jungkook defended as his eyes squinted, not enjoying so much teasing all at once.

Rosè clacked her tongue as her eyebrows shot up, but it wasn’t her who spoke next. It was the predatory blonde- Jimin, if you remembered correctly who sat a little ways from you both, “You don’t see any of us grinding on our trainee’s, so what’s the difference Guk, hm?”

Your lips parted at his words slightly, was he insinuating this wasn’t normal?

If it wasn’t normal what kind of training was Seulgi receiving at the moment and how could you get in on it? Jungkook’s brows furrowed and it looked like everyone was trying to not burst out laughing at his souriness, “Teaching style asshat,” his eyes shot over to Rosè before continuing, “And whether I want to sleep with her or not isn’t getting in the way of our training.”

“I’ll give you that,” Rose gave a nod before humming, “But you can’t deny she’d be the sweetest little sub-”

“What the fuck?” You almost cried out pulling out of her grip as you let out a whine while covering your ears, but your objection didn’t stop her.

“Could you imagine eating her out? I bet she’d be loud-” Rose paused her wild imagination before suddenly snorting a laugh in your direction, “Look at her! God she’s so adorable!”

You might as well have been curled into yourself, your knee’s hugging against your chest as you glanced up in towards Jungkook for help, but what you found instead was his feverish gaze while licking his lips as if imagining that exact scenario in his head.

“Don’t look at me like that!” You cried out in embarrassment covering your head over your arms as you hugged further against your knees making everyone laugh. You were about to chastise him further but hearing the familiar sound of your phone go off made your attention drawn to it.

“I can’t help it babygirl, you look- what’s wrong?” Whatever Jungkook was going to say had dropped altogether when he noticed your tense, annoyed expression. But it was aimed at your phone with a tight knuckled grip.

“Nothing....” You snapped your eyes shut as you forced a breath out while curving a brow.

‘Hey angel, you free right now? Could really use your help 😏🍆👅’

That seemed to gain everyone's attention as you closed your phone, sighing as you ran a hand through your hair muttering more to yourself then to them, “Nothing, it’s just my boyfriend.”

You didn’t want to be like this, but you knew what was going to happen. You knew you wouldn’t be rewarded or pleasured yourself.

And after working all morning long all you wanted was a pile of pancakes to swallow, not a dick.

“Oooh boyfriend? What’s he saying?” Rosè peered over to you closely, a teasing smile on her face despite your frown.

You awkwardly glanced between her and your phone, feeling your cheeks glow again at the idea of spilling your sex life to them, but they seemed extremely close.

Closer then you had ever been with anyone, usually your sex life was on lockdown when it came to discussion, “Well...uh- I don’t know,” You muttered flusteredly, “Asking for a blowjob, I guess.” Your hands met with your warm cheeks as you sighed.

Jimin let out a whistle as he leaned back on his hands, “I’ve never seen a girl so unaroused in my life, is he that bad?”

You must’ve not gave a strong case otherwise for him to already be giving the correct guess.

But you didn’t just want to throw Hanjae under the bus, even if he wasn’t great in bed he was still your boyfriend and you still wanted to serve him, you just wished he’d be a little more flexible when it came to your needs.

You could only force an awkward smile, not wanting to lie or gas your partner up when you knew very well what the truth was.

Ultimately you gave your phone one last look before sighing, standing up as you hummed, “Well, It’s not gonna suck itself, I guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” You had grabbed your bag from the floor before making your way towards the door, it was already ten and practice was pretty much over.

While you wanted to go get something to eat you knew if you ignored him you’d never hear the end of it later. Maybe you’d be able to convince Hanjae to take you out afterwards. If you couldn’t be rewarded in orgasm, food was the next best thing, right?

Just as you reached for the door you were pulled back by a sudden grip on your forearm, not strained but firm enough to keep you in place as you turned around.

Confused at the sight of Jungkook’s tense expression, ‘You don’t look like you really want to go.”

Your eyes flickered towards his grip on your arm before meeting his eyes again, keeping your expression neutral before letting an awkward smile pull on your lips, “I don’t...but what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t?

His gaze glossed over you before scoffing, letting go off your arm as he turned back to walk towards the other soloists, “You shouldn’t feel obligated to give him a pity blowjob, y’know if he was any good you’d want too.”

Your expression dropped with parted lips as your tongue tucked into your cheek, trying to keep yourself from smiling at the audacity of this guy, what was his goal in saying that? Your sex life wasn’t any of his business.

“Are you suggesting you’d be better…?” You knew out of everything that was the biggest thing you shouldn’t have said, but your morbid curiosity was eating away inside you.

But Jungkook had paused before turning over his shoulder, a confident smirk coiling on his lips as if he had been hoping you’d say that, “Oh I am better babygirl there’s no debate there. If you want someone who can really take care of you,” Jungkook licked his lips, that cocky expression not faltering once on his face, “You know exactly where to find me.”

Your face was hot red at his words as you watched him turn back around strolling towards the others as you swallowed thickly. Was it bad that deep down, you were actually going to keep his words in mind?

——

Note: and i oop- lowkey fucked up the tags and made the whole thing delete itself? so sorry for the lmao taglist will be smaller because some have already read and i wont wanna double ping, if u still got double pinged i am sorry :( carry on with the kook thirst tho! ~

Taglist: @loveherpersona @pearlneedstosleep @sincerelyjeohn @jungkookies-golden-noona @epiphany-playingwithfire @maboiisuga @kookphoria91 @taehyungiev13 @134340ismybitch @lurkerarmy