#I just still am really off put by the furry stuff to this day

[itsabouttimex2]

Hi, I was wondering if you could do platonic yandere monkiefam and bull demonfam with a younger sibling/child that is blind but can sense vibrations, like toph from Atla

Monkiefam with a blind Y/N

Out of all three of them, MK struggles the most with your blindness. He means well, he really does! You didn’t grow up with the ability to sense vibrations and interpret them- you had to learn. And sometimes he thinks back to the days before you did, comforting you in his arms after a nasty spill brought on by a rearranged environment. He thinks back to getting into fistfights with bullies and pranksters, how he would see red each time someone would snatch things away from you or knock you over- and he remembers the feeling of teaching them to keep their hands off of you.

“I’m not trying to baby you,” MK loudly insists as you struggle in his grip. “But you need to take this with you if you’re going so far out!”

The two of you continue to struggle against one another as your older brother tries in vain to pin a tracking device to your backpack, notably holding back so he doesn’t hurt you. “C’mon, please?! Just let me put it on already!” MK lessens the force he’s exerting on you, deciding to try and barter instead. “You don’t even have to keep it on! Just for today, Y/N!”

Predictably, his attempts at diplomacy fail and you’re left to wrestle even more fervently in his grip, trying your absolute hardest to writhe free.

And then something slips under your shirt- a fluffy, prehensile tail that writhes against your ribs and leaves you in a giggling fit, MK free to stuff the tracker somewhere deep inside your bag. “Monkey King! Knock it off,” you wail out, fighting against his playful assault. “Stop!”

“Nope! Hate to be a joykill, bud- but I agree with MK. You’re taking the tracker if you wanna head out to that new cafe. Honestly, I don’t see why you wanna go at all when I could just whip something up with my-“

“I am not eating hair! Now get your tail off me!”

It’s incredibly frustrating, the way they treat you. It’s not quite to the point that you’d say they’re infantilizing you with their actions, but it can come very close.

MK’s babying is mostly tolerable, given that it comes from a lifetime of watching over you before you learned to sense vibrations and find your way around. He was there for you at your absolute lowest, and he’s not gonna forget all the people that messed with you because you looked like an easy target. Still, as you grow older his actions feel less ‘protective’ and more ‘stifling’.

Sun Wukong is far, far more irritating. You’re just too easy to scoop up! He can sneak up behind you on his cloud and sweep you into his arms and keep you there for hours on end as you struggle and kick, futilely trying to escape his furry grip. No vibrations can travel through the misty mounds of his nimbus mount, leaving you well and truly helpless in his arms.

The Great Sage’s intention isn’t to make you feel weak or vulnerable, but he certainly won’t raise a fuss as you squirm into his lap so you can at least feel the vibrations that race through his body with each breath he takes- it’s something, at least. Wukong twists around a little to accommodate your body, letting your head rest again this chest, listening to his thrumming heartbeat. The outline of his body flashes in your eyes, something to ground and settle you.

“Dad’s gotcha, bud/hun… I’ve gotcha…”

As for your other ‘dad’, Macaque mostly watches you from afar when you’re with Wukong and MK. He prefers to step in when he has the chance to have you all to himself, springing umbral portals underneath your feet, the shadowy pit dropping you from the ceiling and into his arms with a smug: “Hey kiddo-going somewhere?”

And before you can yell at him for springing this nonsense with you again, you pause, because… hey, why not use a chance when you’ve got it?

“Dad,” you start, forcing the awkward word off your tongue. Already, the sable simian perks up, his ego stroked at your acknowledgement of the role he wishes to take. “I’m heading to a café. You want me to bring you something back?”

Macaque traces a clawed finger across the bottom of your face, curving up in a semi-circle motion: cheek to chin to cheek. His way of telling you: ‘I’m smiling’. Softly, his palm comes to cup your cheek.

“I’ll take you there myself, kiddo.”

It’s not that he’s a better person than MK or Sun Wukong. In fact, he’s a lot worse. He was a vindictive, egotistical villain not too long ago. You think of the Dragon Palace of the East Sea, smashed to pieces, it’s residents displaced and it’s people injured. Men. Women. Children. Each of them, innocent. Mere collateral damage to the simian.

He’s displayed no remorse or regret for his actions. The only thing he’s felt shame for is his long-ago submissiveness to his sworn brothers.

He’s not a good person. Not in the slightest.

But he’ll try to be one. If only for your sake.

Bullfam with a blind Y/N

It’s easy to feel out of place here. Your parents and brother are demon warriors, powerful celestials, prideful members of their esteemed and feared clan. Your vibration technique is nothing short of impressive, if not outright groundbreaking, but it hardly holds to the level your kin can reach.

It doesn’t help that you are rarely given the opportunity to prove your worth, no matter how you strive and fight for those precious chances.

Instead, you’re often relegated to support and menial chores, your family finding worth in your services by putting you to task with (safe) time-consuming labor. And you… kind of enjoy it? Because instead of “Don’t touch the laundry machine, you don’t know what you’re doing”, it’s “Y/N, clear the table and bring us the grimoire we unearthed last month,” Princess Iron Fan says, brushing some hair behind your ears and clipping it into place.

You shouldn’t be so happy about such a mild thing, shouldn’t be happy to be commanded and directed. But it’s proof that they don’t see you as entirely helpless, and allow you to contribute in some way, even if it’s small.

There’s a degree of normalcy in it, something you crave. To be treated like a regular member of the family, responsibilities and all.

Unlike the Monkiefam, Y/N doesn’t have much freedom before they learn their vibration technique. The Bullfam keeps you on a much shorter leash, often locking you in your room during fights or training, refusing to let you potentially wander into harm’s way. MK would carry you across the street to keep you safe while still giving you a chance to explore the city with him, Red Son would lock you in your room and serve you exclusively blended meals to keep you from making a mess and spilling things on yourself.

Secretly, he misses making those drinks for you. It was a very strange and unwanted; if surprisingly heartfelt, way of caring for you.

After all, they got used to the ways they took care of you. Learning to utilize the vibration technique teaches you how to be independent, but also shakes up the dynamics you have with your family. No more being gently bundled around the fortress on the Demon Bull King’s hands, for example. He used to scoop you into his palms and let you sit there, safely nestled into plush purple fur. His steps grow more cautious now that you absolutely insist on walking on your own (and your father does want to make you happy, so he begrudgingly allows you to wander the walls alone) the taurine warlord doing his best to keep from crushing you underfoot.

Not that they’re suddenly going to stop being obsessed with your safety and welfare. You are still under strict orders and schedules, and they don’t go easy on you for breaking them.

And if you ever do step out of line?

Red Son has an incredibly devious method of punishment for you- snow boots.

Sounds like a joke, right? It sounds funny, almost. Your parents don’t seem to mind all too much, and Red certainly derives are least a little bit of amusement from the scenario.

It’s not funny to you, though.

The matter of getting punished for exerting basic control over your life aside- they’re taking away your crutch. Without a thought of how helpless and vulnerable you feel as result, how terrified you are to be plunged into darkness again, how bad it hurts to remember the days you spent crying as child, scared and alone when you got lost, no way to find the path home.

He’ll feel bad for doing this to you, eventually. He always does, no matter how many times he swears that this will be the time he’ll “Make you wear them for a full hour, and it will be raised to two if you complain, Y/N!”

You’re wrapped in a blanket and drinking tea with him by the time a half-hour has passed.

He loves you, after all. Even if he thinks of you as a blithering little idiot sometimes- you’re still his cherished little sibling.

[kitthepurplepotato]

Chapter 5 - Never enough

Summary: Y/N goes out with Kyouka for a flat hunt. Izuku gets smacked in the face - Once by a random teen and once by his Sweet Pea.

Warnings: Swear words, mentions of a toxic relationship (in the past).

First Chapter Master List

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Kyouka comes over a few hours after Izuku leaves; he didn’t really say goodbye after your conversation in the bedroom this morning, which was quite surprising and he also left an untouched sandwich on the table, filled with his favorite stuff, which is also… well… really fucking weird, but okay. To be fair, there is so much happening all at once it’s easy to go all silly, especially at 5 AM in the morning. Maybe it took him so long to make his sandwich he ended up being late and instead of bringing it with him he just left it on the table. Even though, Izuku must be aware that he owns a cat so leaving food on the table isn’t the smartest idea. Thankfully, All Meowt is the laziest motherfucker the word has ever seen and jumping on the table to get some nibbles is way too much of a lbother for him, hence why the food is still in tact.

Sometimes you wonder if All Meowt is even a cat; he doesn’t scratch furniture, doesn’t eat anything he needs to work for, barely jumps on anything and he’s just… a part of the furniture. A furry little sofa pillow. He’s also really smart as somehow he knew you are the one who messed with his automatic feeder because to this day, he didn’t even approach you once when Izuku wasn’t around. Except when you sleep. Then he cuddles. He probably hopes you stay that way forever.

“Okay, I managed to get a viewing for flat 2 and flat 4.” Kyouka mumbles to herself after putting her phone down. You look at the girl incredulously. “Don’t look at me like that, I know flat 4 is pricy as fudge, but with my current salary, I can afford it. I won’t have a bunch to spend for a few months but if I make it to the top 10 next year, it won’t be a problem!”

You know Kyouka like you know the back of your hand; there is no reason to even look at flat 2 at this point, this silly woman has already decided to get that fancy ass flat and there is probably an extremely ridiculous reason behind it.

“Be honest with me…” You look at your bestie, trying your best not to look judgmental. “Why do you want that flat?”

Kyouka looks down at her hands, her cheeks ruddy from embarassment. “My favorite rockstar lives in the same building… you know the one with black hair and the sick angel wing tattoo.” Kyouka answers while she plays with her bangs like a stupid school girl.

There it is. There it fucking is.

“So you decided to spend all your life savings for a few minutes of neighborly banter with your Bae.” You really can’t believe this silly woman.

“Oh my god, you are literally dating your favorite hero, sorry if your stupid love story made me believe in fated love!” She yells and you can’t help but laugh at that.

“Hey, it didn’t cost me anything to fall in love with him though! Plus we are not official yet!” Now it’s your turn to be embarrassed.

“Oh fuck off, Izuku wouldn’t even poke you with a foot long pole if he wouldn’t want you to be his fucking wife in the next few years. My bro isn’t playing around. He’s had enough of that shit when he was young.”

Well, that’s a new information.

“What do you mean?”

Kyouka sighs.

“It’s not my place you tell you this and to be honest I don’t know too much about it, Katsuki is probably the best one to ask but… there was this girl, right after high school who was all over Izuku after his first debut. We told him to stay away from her, we warned him that she’s only after the fame and the money but Izuku was so happy to be liked by someone in a romantic way he didn’t fucking listen to any of us…” Kyouka’s eyes look really sad as she continues. “Izuku was always a sweet boy so most people only thought of him just as that; a boy, not a man. This girl was different, I give her that. I fucking hated her. We all did. Except Izuku.” You really don’t like where this story is going. You can feel the betrayal in the air, it makes your stomach upset and your heart bleed. “After a few weeks Izuku couldn’t even wear his own clothes. She started to point out every geeky thing on him, the shirts, the shoes, his hair… she wanted him to change into something he wasn’t. She even made a comment about his baby fat. Katsuki almost exploded her that day and Izuku stopped bringing her over after that. Things got worse after as Katsuki wasn’t there to reprimand her. I don’t want to say more, Y/N. Ask him. It’s not my story to tell.”

You are rendered speechless. There are so many emotions swirling inside you; fury, hatred, sadness, then there is the urge to protect, the urge to call Izuku home so you can tell him how much you love him and his quirkiness… it’s so much to take in, so much to think about…

“Let’s go before we both start crying.” Kyouka ruffles your hair and motions towards the door, ready for the adventure.

You try your best to keep your focus on the beautiful flats. You look around for flaws, ask the right questions but you are not really there; your mind can only think of Izuku, about how alone he must’ve felt while dating that terrible human being, how humiliated he had to feel around his friends in those clothes he was forced to wear… fuck.

“I’ll walk you home then I’ll come back to do the paperwork.”

She doesn’t need to say any more for you to know that all your thoughts are written on your face.

“Sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry! You helped a lot. Really.” Kyouka smiles. You are so lucky to have her.

~•🥦•~

Izuku is not with it at work. He makes a lot of mistakes and he gets punched by some “random extra” who shouldn’t even be able to touch him.

There was a group of teens making a ruckus downtown. Izuku and Katsuki were out on patrol when they saw them yelling at a poor old man, asking for money but somehow Izuku managed to get hit by one of the kids while he was too distracted with his own thoughts.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Deku!” Katsuki yells at him with a red face. “You just let that fucking extra have the time of his fucking life! Hitting the number one fucking hero in the face! He probably thinks he’s the coolest fucking dude right now and has zero motherfucking remorse about what he’s done!”

“Because you were any better, you burned that kids face! Do you want to get canceled?!”

Izuku is frustrated. He can’t do this anymore. He can’t just let Katsuki step over him like that, not anymore…

“Someone had to do something about it! I had to clean your fucking mess up because that’s what friends do, you absolute fucking moron!”

“Since when do you consider me as a friend? I thought I’m just a nuisance.”

“Stop with the attitude. I know what you are doing and it’s not going to work. You won’t push me away. Don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made when I was a kid. You know it more than anyone how much it fucking hurts.”

“I’m sorry, Kacchan.” He can’t take it anymore. The tears fall, his body shakes and moves towards Katsuki on his own and Katsuki catches him just in time.

“If you want to talk, I’m here. Eijirou is here too. You are not alone anymore.” Katsuki mutters into his hair, his fingers deep in Izuku’s curls. Katsuki has changed so much in the last few years; if anyone would’ve told him he’s gonna be cuddled by Katsuki while he cries for the stupidest fucking reason he would’ve laughed in their face.

He knows he’s being an idiot. Y/N loves him, he can see it in her eyes when he comes back after a long day of work, he can feel it in her touches, in the food she makes, in the way she smiles when Izuku cuddles her from behind… he also knows his Sweet Pea loves him the way he is and he has no reason to doubt himself with her but Izuku can’t do anything with his insecurities; he’s been told so many times how weird he is, how unattractive his home wear is, how his unruly hair makes him look like a child and he doesn’t even want to start talking about his “annoying” clinginess.

Maybe he should’ve told her to finish that commission instead of asking her to go to bed with him. Maybe he should’ve let her cook the food alone or ask her if she needs help instead of clinging to her back like an oversized koala. Maybe he should’ve slept on his own side of the bed instead of suffocating his Sweet Pea with his heavy arms. He went overboard. Even his perfect Sweet Pea needs some space. Maybe that’s why she wants to move out. She loves Izuku but Izuku is too much as a boyfriend… he’s too much, he’s always too much…

“Go home, Zuku.” Katsuki sighs into his hair. “Go home and sort yourself out. I fucking hate seeing you like this. I want to blow your face up.”

Izuku can’t help but snort at that.

“I love you too, Kacchan.”

“Fuck you.”

~•🥦•~

You get home around 2PM; you managed to find some All Might shaped chicken nuggets in the store which you decided to air fry today with some lovely fresh veggies you found in the little market you love. Oh, and rice. Izuku needs more than a snack when he comes home.

Thankfully you manage to finish cooking by 3 so you decide to sit down and finally start working on your commissions; there isn’t much to do, just a few sketches, so you should be done by the time Izuku gets home. Thank god no one commissioned anything detailed, otherwise you would be fucked; there is no way you can do a full, colored drawing in this mental state.

For your surprise the door opens around 4PM; Izuku is already in his civilian clothes, freshly showered, hair still a bit wet.

There is one thing you realize now that Kyouka told you about his past; Izuku’s civilian clothes are quite plain compared to his usual style. It doesn’t sit right with you but that’s a problem for another day.

Today’s problem is…

“You are really early, did you forget something? Want to eat before you go back? I made you something special!” You jump off the chair right away. Izuku looks at you like this is the last time he sees your face; you have no idea what’s going on but you really hate that look on his face, that’s for sure. “Oh my god, please tell me this is not that part of the fanfiction when the hero comes home and tells his wife that he’s going a year long mission to America. I’m not ready for that yet.”

For some reason, Izuku looks guilty. He lowers his eyes, suddenly finding the design of the floor extremely interesting as he fiddles with the sleeve of his jacket anxiously.

“Just a short day, nothing to worry about.” Izuku smiles but it’s fake. So fucking fake it makes you want to gag. “Were you doing a commission? Don’t worry about me, I’m not even supposed to be here, so just ignore me.”

Red flag. A big, fucking red flag. Something happened and Izuku is not telling you jack shit about it.

“Izu, what the fuck, I’ve been waiting to have a few hours with you for a whole week, I can’t just ignore you. With the amount of hours you work I have all the time to finish this fucking scribble, but I only have a few hours with you.” You reprimand, a little bit offended. Just a little bit. Teeny-tiny bit. “You also left without giving me a kiss. You need to give me double kisses today. Also, look at the food I made for you!” You run into the kitchen and come out with the All Might shaped chicken nuggets. You show them off proudly, jumping up and down with the excitement. “Look! It’s All Might! And chicken! I put the magnet that came with it on the fridge, I hope that’s fine! There are 10 different magnets to collect, I’ll try to get them all!”

Suddenly, a loud sob escapes Izuku’s mouth, but it’s not his usual ‘I’m so happy so I’ll cry a river’ kinda sob, it’s the one full of pain and misery. “Izu.” You put the food down on the table to approach the shaking man now sitting on the floor. “I’m sorry do you not want to eat All Might? That’s okay, Izu!” You mutter but Izuku jumps into your words.

“Y/N, stop.” The sound of your own name sounds so foreign from Izuku’s mouth you almost choke on your words. “Stop. It hurts. It hurts so fucking much, I can’t…” Izuku starts to sob again and you are not too far behind him. Without knowing, your tears start to fall, joining Izuku’s in the puddle of misery on the floor.

“What’s wrong, baby? Please, tell me what did I do wrong. I won’t do it ever again, I swear…”

“I know you want to move out. You don’t need to pretend.” Izuku jumps into your words between two loud sobs. “I know I’m impossible to live with, I know my love is toxic, it’s too much too soon, I’m… aware of it and I can change, I can give you space, fuck, I can sleep in the agency if you want me to, I don’t care, but please, don’t leave me. I can change, I can do anything…”

Instead of words you decide to use your hand to tell him how fucking annoyed you are. Because honest to fuck you thought someone died or Izuku is dying or the world is on fire and these are his last words… the sound of the slap is loud in the quiet room but it makes Izuku listen and hopefully he’ll forgive you when this is over.

“I don’t want you to change, you dumb little… waaah!” Great job, Y/N. You are doing fucking well. You slapped the poor sobbing guy then you called him dumb. Great start indeed. “I fucking love you and your nerdy little ass, I love the way you geek out over the stupidest thing, I love how we are glued to each other when you’re home because that’s what I also want to do, thank you for fucking asking, I love those super silly t-shirts you’re hiding at the back of your drawer and I can’t believe you never wear them by the way, I’m not leaving you, I’m not going anywhere, I want to be here, with you, every single second, I can’t believe you really thought you could get rid of me that easily, Midoriya Izuku!” You have no air left by the time you finish your sentence because you forgot to breathe during your rant. “Don’t you fucking dare to change for me. I fell in love with YOU, not with some impostor. Tell me what you want. Do what you want. Act as silly as you want. I’ll probably only love you more, even though it’s quite impossible.”

The silence is deafening. You can see Izuku’s brain going into overdrive. He looks completely lost.

“The notes on the table…” He mutters as he motions towards the notebook. He looks dumbfounded.

“Kyouka is looking for a new flat. I was helping her.”

“I’m an idiot.” Izuku mumbles, mortified. He even forgets to cry.

“Yeah, you are. My idiot boyfriend who I love so dearly.” The words slip out but it’s too late to take it back; you look at Izuku with a terrified look on your face, ready to be reprimanded but Izuku looks at you with nothing but wonder, eyes shining from tears and finally, from happiness.

“Say it again.”

“What?”

“Say it again.” Izuku’s hand reaches towards you. Needless to say, you take it.

“My weird boyfriend, Midoriya Izuku.” You giggle to yourself. If this would be a fanfiction… ahh, Nevermind.

“I love you, Sweet Pea. Please, never change.” Izuku is all over you, not even caring about the floor being the most uncomfortable surface in the whole entire building. You can’t really hold yourself up with such a heavy weight sitting on your shoulders so you both end up stumbling backwards with a loud yelp followed by a bunch of giggling.

“So what does my boyfriend want to do today?” You mutter into Izuku’s neck between two kisses.

“I want to watch an All Might movie in my silly All Might onesie I’m hiding in my dresser while I eat the silly little all might chicken nuggets my perfect girlfriend made for me.”

Your smile is so big it actually hurts your jaw.

“… Only if I can borrow a silly All Might shirt to match with you.”

Apparently, that was the right thing to say; Izuku is about to combust from the happiness as he attacks your mouth with violent happy kisses.

“Have I told you how much I love you?” He mutters into your lips, already knowing your answer.

“Only a few thousand times but it never gets old.”

“Is that a challenge I hear?” He smirks with such confidence it makes you shiver. You did that. You made him feel that way. Oh fuck, this new Midoriya Izuku is really bad for your heart.

“Might as well be.” You grab Izuku’s hair at the back of his head and yank him forward for a heated, deep kiss. Izuku yelps but he doesn’t let you have all the control; this is Izuku’s day, he’s is completely unhinged and so are you.

The food got cold by the time you managed to untangle from each other.

And fuck, it was so worth it.

… Next Chapter!

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Potato ramble:

- Some explanations for the this chapter because I feel like it’s needed:

- 1. Midoriya does wear merch, but mostly black ones with a logo on it instead of the super loud, super colorful ones he would prefer.

- 2. Midoriya’s mum said in one of the chapters that Midoriya has never had a girl over before which is still true; the girl was never officially introduced to Inko as Izuku knew the way the girl was treating him would make his mom really sad. Inko has a slight idea about what happened thanks to Katsuki but she was spared from the gruesome details of it. Izuku doesn’t know his mom knows about it.

- 3. No, they didn’t do anything cheeky on the floor. They were just kissing, you dirty little potato.

- In the next chapter, we are going home to Izuku’s mom! I’m so excited!!!!

- I got a beautiful Deku figurine. I try not to talk about my figurine obsession anymore but I have to show this one off. I genuinely didn’t think I’ll be able to get my hands on this one because it’s an Ichiban Kuji (it’s like a lottery but with anime merch) Last One prize, but here I am, I guess. 😂

TL: @garfieldthomas @porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo @aei-sedai-moiraine @aymasakusa @kastuari @kenzie-deadly @shiviwrites07 @lukerycyja-reblogs @cloroxisadelectabletreat @coffeent @kisskissshutmydoor @bobcar1 @yazminetrahan @cringefan @ronimacaroni77 @thekookiecorner @dangerousluv1 @emperatris-rinaka @shotos-angelic-whore @angelsdemonsmonsters @norvacaine @rei165 @unofficialmuilover @yao-ai

[were--ralph]

oversharing vent time

im literally the only person in this house with a job and i can't afford to find another one right now because I'm the -only- one with a job and i don't have the luxury of not having health insurance or income at all. because of that i can't buy things i want besides the occasional furry commission once every month if that

its also like. my brother is a complete deadbeat and legally we can't put him out so he's just a cancer on this household and mooches money while I essentially take care of two disabled people, him, and his kids who are here every fucking day because their mother is a shit

then like aside from that I have to work at a place that literally makes me want to kms like actually literally daily and It's draining me so much the only real shot i have of working in an industry i enjoy im too tired to do homework or stream when i get home and i take a nap and wake up with only a few hours before i do it all over again. being at work has become an actual struggle to finish one shift to the point I often leave early and just....don't care if i get fired or what the fuck happens

then aside from all that school is the absolute worst experience ive had in my life with learning new skills and everyone has seen me talk about it but i can't learn anything from it and im too exhausted and depressed when i get home to find a way to learn on my own

then aside from all that I'm constantly plagued with lonely thoughts and not even due to like wanting sex or even romantic stuff i just need an outlet to feel normal and good and not stressed and my therapist is no help literally at all so i dropped her so I really can't do like anything at all

then the closest family member ive cared for in my life cut me off abruptly with no explanation and im still reeling over that

i genuinely like. do not enjoy being alive in the sense that pretty much every aspect of my life right now sucks. I have no escape, I have no money, I am exhausted daily, I'm depressed daily, I'm overworked, all i have are my three cats who I don't even have the time or energy to play with anymore, i keep cutting off my friends because.....i dont even know anymore

I almost want to just quit my job and not have any income just to make people have to do things and let myself just.......exist. just exist.

i just needed to vent to the void and i feel much better now but still not good

[spencerreidswifey13]

”Sorry isn’t good enough!”

Word count: 1k

Genre: Angst(with a happy ending)

Warnings: this is going to be a very serious dark story so if you can’t read stuff about SA then this story won’t be for you. Mentions of dogs dying, and drugs.

A/n: This is my first story and most definitely not my last. This part yis kinda bad and boring but I needed to set up the plot. Part two will be out soon!

“I want you guys to know that I take full responsibility for all of this. If you want to blame someone, please blame me.” Everyone looks at you in confusion. “What do you mean to blame you?” Derek says. “I’m so sorry.” Emily says as she walks into the conference room.

Time skip a few days:

The team is working on a case. The entire team except Hotch, is mad at you for lying about Emily being dead. They all have been distancing themselves from you. And you have been their punching bag and you’ve just taken it.

“Spence, can we talk? Please?” He looks at you with furry and a bit of disgust. “Fine, you wanna talk?” He says as he grabs your wrist lightly but still forces you into the conference room. “Spence” he quickly looks you in the eyes and you can’t recognize the look he gives. “Don’t call me that!” You feel your heart break. “Sorry Spencer… Look I had to do that you don’t understand! I was protecting Emily, you, and this entire team. I get that you’re mad and you need to take it out on someone which is fine but just know I did this with the best intentions.”

Spencer keeps eye contact with you “I trusted you. I came to your house for 10 weeks straight crying to you about losing a friend, and you never had the decency to tell me the truth!” You stare down at the ground. “I know and I’m sorry I really am. I feel terrible, Spence.” He cuts you off “what if I started using dilaudid again? Would you have stopped me?”

“Wait what? But you didn't, right? Spencer you didn’t start using again?” He doesn’t show a single emotion in his eyes “No but I thought about it” you feel relieved he didn’t start using again but you also feel absolutely terrible. He begins to walk away. “Spence, wait please I’m sorry!” He turns around glaring daggers at you.

“Sorry isn’t good enough!” He says as he continues walking away.

The entire team watches this argument take place and Emily and Hotch can’t help but feel sorry.

A few days have passed since that case and you haven’t been sleeping ever since everyone became mad at you. And to make things worse your lawyer best friend called you with very disturbing news about your father.

The entire team noticed the bags under your eyes and how you didn’t put on any makeup this morning. You were typically a very fun sarcastic person who never showed sadness but today was a different story.

You could typically also put up with little things people did, but today? Spencer was taping his foot on the ground. Making you very pissed. He wasn’t doing it on purpose, it was a habit of his. “Spencer, can you stop it?” You say making everyone’s head snap in your direction. You roll your eyes and feel everyone trading looks wondering what your problem was.

“You good Y/n?” Derek asks. “Jesus I’m fine do you guys ever mind your own business?” You say getting up storming out quickly. Everyone looked worried including Spencer.

You go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. Disgusted in what you see. “We need you back in the conference room. Are you sure you’re okay?” Emily says walking into the bathroom. “Yeah I’ll be right there. And yeah I’m fine” Emily knows your lying but decides not to pry and leaves the bathroom.

Jj starts presenting the case. “26 year old Harper Williams was found in her home brutally stabbed to death. Along with Elenor Hart.” Your heart drops. “How do we know this is the same guy?” Asks Spencer. “Because it’s a small town.” You stand up quickly. Where did this take place?” Jj looks confused. “Connecticut. Did you not read the file?”

“Uh excuse me…” You grab your phone and walk out of the conference room while all eyes are on you “Are we sure she’s ok?” Rossi says.

Walking out of the conference room you feel nauseous. You immediately start dialing Valorie. She's your best friend since birth and also the lawyer in charge of the entire case. “Val…” She sighs loudly and you can hear it on the other side of the phone. “I've been watching the news since 5 in the morning. I went to the police to see if they have any leads but they said they were calling in the FBI. Which let me guess by chance is your team… Because out of every other team in the world they had to pick the team with the girl who has relational ties with the killer.” You take a deep breath. “So it is him? My fathers the killer?” Valorie can sense the fear lacing your voice. “It's still not for sure but who else could it really be. This is a small town. People rarely get hurt here. The biggest case here was 30 years ago when that dog got run over.”

You chuckle a bit hearing in her voice she's just ranting on to make you feel better but the black heavy hole in your chest isn't going away till this is over. You hang up the phone say a quick bye and I love you to Valorie. You walk back into the conference room knowing this is going to be a rough next few days. 

Your father is killing innocent people… Because of you? 

[i-have-dots-in-my-brain]

ayup mates, its me (that one fucking guy that shows up in your fever dreams to offer you garlic bread then fucks off into the void) (i think you need to get a therapist btw)

Call me dots or dot (not correct but when saying something belongs to me you use "dot's". idk why don't ask me)

My cara page (for art): https://cara.app/ihavedotsinmybrain

They/them she/her it/its ( welcome to the mad lab we do experiments with the funny goofy hjinks with the genders here)

TAG GUIDE : my art (self explanatory), dot's thoughts (mad ramblings) (extra note, there are two versions of dot's thoughts, the other one is with the phone version of ' so you can go look for that if you wanna see me posting from outside the comfort of my room and computer), dot’s travel journal (me on holiday), my persona (obviously just my persona) *prone to updates

dumbass who likes to draw ocs and shit. (posts like there is no tomorrow but also like i have all the time in the world) (oc x canon stuff also) (some fanart ig)

if you wanna find my (mostly serious) art, check out @dots-in-my-head (send me asks and dms on this blog) also i have started putting fandom stuff there too so if you want to get my fandom doodles you can look to there as well

still questioning sexuality but currently aro/ace? (idk i'm not in a rush lol) (i WILL dabble in the arts of questioning me sexuality on internet if you got problems with that shoo)

my loveley husband (@octoxxt, pls ignore this blog dude its embarrassing)

why do you need to know my age, ‘you a cop?

will not draw smut or NSFW bcs i will start howling with racous laughter and melt. (i don;t even read smut in fic dude what do expect me to be able to draw im a cartoonish obviously anime style inspired semi-realism but not really shitty doodle artist you put your hopes too high if you think i can draw a dick without making it look like a piece of middle school desk graffiti)

i've got a bit of a dirty mouth but everything is pretty vanilla . (i make edgy dumb jokes sometimes, but it's not my actual personality peace 'n love on planet earth okay) (any time i say i wanna kms IT IS A JOKE) (most of my posts are /srs i will mark it if its a joke i know the pain of not knowing if it was a funny joke or not i gotchu other autistic peeps)

please talk to me god i am lonely (i am serious about this i love it when people rb and scream in the tags it genuinely makes my day) (send me asks send measkssendmeaskssendmeasks—)

Absolute art machine(whether the art is good or not is a big question that i am not ready to answer) makes shitty animations sometimes idk.

Uses lol too much. Chinese, knows mandarin (translate the random messages for maximum brain damage) i don't know simplified but i do know traditional (please talk to me i need to practice my chinese reading skills) am i a furry? idk but if you're mad about it you can fuck right off (i have a couple ocs and my darling fursona)

am currently inbetween fandoms, fandoms i am (kind of) active in are hetalia, scp, dnd, genshin, pjo, bg3, apothecary diaries, jrwi riptide and csm (list is prone to updating because fandom is my support system) (you wont see my art for most of them but the brainworms are there and sometimes i let them take over)

old fandoms or the fandoms i lurk in (i visit them often): eddsworld, demon slayer, pokemon, vocaloid and wof. (also prone to updates as i remember stuff)

note : i am still in school and have a life outside the internet so stuff will be delayed (which is why i am only kind of active) (i go missing sometimes i am not dead life is just lifing for me)

Do not say anything about how cringe I am I know trust me (it’s a coping mechanism lol)

if you're concerned, you're very right to be. I am very incoherent (most of my life updates have actually devolved into cries for help, please talk to me)

also if you don't like my art or ships just leave(any critique about anything i make shoots a bazooka straight into my heart and behind the screen i crumble into a cartoonish pile of ashes and bones as i stare at the screen blurred by tears) (unless I ask for critique then i brought this on myself and i’ll walk it off don't worry)

(Both of my personas)

My flags (might be updated)

[kxngkasper]

INTRO POST

————————————

Follower count last I checked: 153 HOLY MOLY

YIPPIIIIEEIEIIEIE

Some random ghost tells you about themselves (it’s me guys i’m the haunting spirit)

GREETINGS TUMBLR !!!!! here you will find my bips and bobs of what I do and how i’m working this whole blog thing

Please note that i’m new to this whole blog thing and didn’t really get into tumblr until a bit into this year so i’m still trying to learn how to do things

About me:

I’m kasper, Mostly known as Kas, I go by He/It/She pronouns and am aroace. I’m an artist and animator with dreams of becoming a storyboard artist. My focus is mainly on my health and school so if I cease to exist for a couple weeks that is probably why but other than that i’m trying to be as active as I can since I love sharing my art with people. I’m Neurodivergent, tone indicators are appreciated but not always necessary. My interests are minecraft, Mumbo Jumbo, TØP, Sherlock and Co, Cult of the lamb, Sky cotl, Pokemon, Music as a whole, animation, and OCs :]

My time zone is EST! I’m a first generation Mexican-American and the youngest of 2 other siblings. Yes, Hablo Español pero no soy tan bueno para escribir lo (I am bilingual)

uhhh i’m a furry boo be afraid rahh what else do i put here uh im 5’8 (1.73 meters) my birthday is january 7th uhhh UHHH OH SPEAKING OF BIRTHDAYS AND AGE

I’m a MINOR please refrain from commenting or saying suggestive things to me or about my content it makes me uncomfortable

I’m in the age range of 15-17 take that as you will.

My content:

I stick to posting full pieces and sketchbook stuff on here usually gonna do with my special interests but if you wanna see just vibe w me and see WIPS, reblogs, yaps and such then you can check out my side blog

@princepasker

don’t know why that won’t tag

Where can you find me besides tumblr? Bam I made a linktree because you can find me in too many places https://linktr.ee/kxngkasper

PROGRAMS I USE: Procreate, Medibang paint, Iartbook, Toonsquid, Capcut, Alight Motion, occasionally flipaclip (limited vrs)

TOS (TERMS OF SERVICE):

Please do NOT repost my work, I kindly ask that you don’t use my fandom work in Edits nor reupload them on any other platform. I run my own pinterest, I do not want to see anyone stealing what’s mine for no point when it’s already uploaded.

Using my art as reference is perfectly fine as long as I receive credit. If you wish to trace my work for learning purposes it’s fine but please keep any studies private, thank you.

Ask box:

My asks are mostly always open! You can leave doodle requests in there but I won’t guarantee I go through with it. Questions are also always welcome, I love to see em don’t be discouraged if I don’t get to it right away!

Mutuals feel free to goof off in my ask box

Random stuff:

spam liking is ok !! idm

Alright cool uh that should be it? If I remember anything else i’ll come back and edit this post but for now i hope yall have a good day :]

[bluebunnysart]

MAKE TETO PURR IN YOUR NEXT FANFIC AND MY LIFE IS YOURS.

Anyways hi (I am smelt_enjoyer from ao3) In your mikuteto fanfics I noticed you have been leaning towards more chimera-ish traits for teto (wagging tail etc.) so you should…. Maybe… do purring 👉👈🥺… please

Anyways I love your mikuteto fanifics I would sell my soul for them

LOOOL

This ask made me genuinely laugh because I wasn't expecting it at ALL xD Thank you for enjoying my fics!! 💕💕💕 Ever since this AU's Miku and Teto appeared in my head, they've never left, so every day I am literally thinking about them and missing them and trying to figure out how to make them cooler 😂😂😂 (not an exaggeration, I probably relistened to the same four songs like literally 2-3 days ago while thinking about them again lmfao, will share if requested xD)

This is such an interesting request fr but I'll consider it wwww

You're absolutely right that I lean towards more chimera-ish traits for Teto, and that's 'cuz I think it's cute hahaha xD As a chimera, she IS a kind of animal (a combination of more than one of them), but I want to assure my audience that I don't make her animal-like 'cuz I'm a full-blooded furry or anything hhdsfkfds I do it 'cuz I really like the contrast with Miku (who's learning how to be more human-like and isn't instinctual/"alive" like Teto) and 'cuz I really like the idea of Teto's more unconscious side giving her away. Animals are pretty instinctual/straightforward (a dog's tail will wag when happy, for example) so Teto's tail is always doing all the talking even if she acts outwardly tsundere. In one of my yapping sessions (one of the first ones), I even talk about how her wings and pose might change to imitate/recall the defensive posture of an owl, so she's animal-like without going the full nine yards and being an ACTUAL animal (in terms of "non-human-like" vs not, I think/hope you get what I mean without me being 100% accurate over definitions fsdhkfsjdfds)

With all that said, purring isn't out of the question for her but my favorite animal to compare her to is the dragon (as a shameless dragon lover) so the animals I usually compare her to are typically, like, aggressive fhdhfkjds What that means, obviously, is instead of being cute and cat-like, she's more likely to growl, snarl, or bark instead of purr (I hope this mental image isn't off-putting LMAO I'm talking purely theory, she might not do these things if my brain ultimately decides it's too out of character for her), but yeah! Hmm!!

What I'll give you is if chimera Teto is relaxed and calm enough, it's not farfetched for her to purr (make a contented sound from her throat, the definition of purring) but are you sure you want this fhshdfkdsfsd How far can it go before the animal-ness gets too weird wwwwww

I'm not self-conscious about it or anything www I just want to say that this Teto (chimera Teto) also has a lot of pride, so even if she ever wanted to, she would probably NEVER do anything like roll on her back and act cat-like/ask for pats, so she's got some human-like ego to get past first before she ever acts cuddly like a kitten. Like I said before, she's more likely to growl in my head than purr, so I feel like even that growling can be turned into like a sound of satisfaction. BUT gdskfldsfs she's animal-LIKE but she doesn't go THAT far, so I would have to figure out what kind of situation would call for that hhkjdshdsj Teto still knows how to smile and express her feelings without acting like an animal (I feel like the latter is PRECISELY what embarrasses her and what she suppresses, stuff like if she ever gets slightly possessive or needy towards Miku) so yeah, I wrote all of that just to ramble about your suggestion and how the Teto in my mind is reacting to all of that xD

I'll think about it, basically! But I wonder if it'll work... If it doesn't show up, I hope this explanation suffices as to why, LMAO, but I like the idea though! ^^ It's cute! xD

Anyhow, pls keep your soul 😂😂😂😂 You need that... Also, I don't have that kind of money and don't purchase such things, so pls value it more wwwww

You're totally free to send me more asks about the AU 'cuz I think about it constantly and I love seeing people's interpretations and ideas, but this ask alone also made me happy. Thank you! c: I'm glad you approve. Makes me happy for real! ❤🥰

[willowmouse]

willow wednesday life update

hello kind denizens of tumblr. i still do not know how to use your website. i'm gonna try and use this website way more though for a whole bunch of reasons, including the following. twitter is hell and i probably need to move off there sooner rather than later, since it's kind of embarrassing when i have to tell people that's where i'm most active still. i also have a very unhealthy habit of making public diary entries on my shitty wix website, which is NOT the place for stuff like that really since that's where some of my more serious writing is too. finally, i just like how this place looks. i like the vibe. i like how i can add pictures and gifs and music and ramble for ages on these, and that's exactly what i'm gonna do!!! i feel kind of awkward talking to specific people about how my day is going or whatever because i have trouble figuring out the point at which i actually become someone's friend and not just an acquaintance or whatever, so here's how things are going for me right now in case you were interested!!!

oh and pls tell me about how ur day is going if you read this :3 i wanna know these things ok

the bad place

i'm going to begin by completely spoiling the tv show "the good place" so skip this bit if that's a thing you wanna watch or whatever. so you know how the whole idea of that show is that these people are shown this amazing afterlife world and are told they're in the good place and not the bad place, but it eventually becomes apparent that they ARE in the bad place and are being tortured in ways deeply specific to the ways that they sucked when they were alive? that's how tutorial sessions feel at university on this physics course. i feel like i'm being tortured for not putting my hand up in class more at school. what happens is that we're put into small groups - there are five of us in our tutorial group - and given weekly meetings with a tutor, then given questions to think about/answer which i guess will eventually depend on what we're covering in any given module.

it's the combination of having to think incredibly quickly about questions that require applied knowledge of stuff i've completely forgotten about having taken a year out of education, if they aren't trick questions anyway, and having to give a stuttered, probably wrong answer in front of other people who seem much more competent with these tasks than i am that makes these sessions feel like torture specifically for me. these are the kinds of questions i would revise for months and months to prepare myself for in an exam setting and would still get wrong. i've felt incredibly fucking stupid coming out of both sessions we've done so far and i can't imagine that will change going forward and it's completely humiliating. i've gone my entire life without being made to feel so stupid in any kind of maths or physics related environment and now that i'm at university you're telling me i have to feel every bit as humiliated as i did during the very worst drama or music at secondary school? fuck right off. fuck whoever came up with these.

no stickers (yet)

this is my laptop!!! it's very fancy and i'm extremely happy with it. i'm trying to figure out which, if any, of my stickers i should put on it. i have a progress flag sticker, a bunch from the new jamie xx record since they were giving those away in rough trade AND i was thinking of making my own stickers at some point too!!! they would probably be of my mouse sona though and it depends how thoroughly i want to out myself as a cringe transgender furry to everyone here and back at home since my family will also inevitably see them. we'll see i guess!!! god forbid a girl just want their OC design that represents how they see themselves in a way that makes them happy and affirms their concept of gender but in a way that might weird some people out because it's a cartoon mouse.

thanks to this thing, though, lectures have been going pretty okay so far. thankfully, unlike in tutorials, topics are being taken extremely slow in the lecture theatres at the moment. as someone who has forgotten literally everything and absolutely needs a few reminders about how to handle simple shit like polynomials and vectors, i could not be more thankful. unfortunately, the laptop didn't come with a stylus so notetaking has been exclusively on microsoft word and on paper so far. that should hopefully change by the end of the day, though!!! then i just need to figure out how onenote works and transfer all of my notes from word/paper onto onenote to have everything kind of in one place and THEN it'll be so over for everyone else because i will lock the fuck in.

my badges

i brought so many badges up here with me and i'm going to leave with even more. i got given one from the local camp for the liberation of palestine and found a couple for the physics department. the lanyard has ended up being incredibly heavy so i don't use it to carry my ID card anymore (i have an actual ID card now, which kind of sucks because i liked my homemade one more), but it remains my second most complimented piece of fashion after my fontaines d.c. shirt. it's entirely responsible for one of my new besties starting conversation with me, which i'm incredibly grateful. we talked for ages about how overwhelming we were finding the "meet your cohort" afternoon since it was basically several hours of forced socialisation, but we somehow ended up as part of a group of five people talking about tons of random bullshit. not too bad for a couple of complete introverts!!!

every now and then i have the nerve to wear my trans flag pin out in public. i will soon be wearing it a whole lot more. i wrote a huge thing about trans stuff over the past few days but decided not to make it public because i spent most of it grossly oversharing, so uhh. whoops. i can't thank the people who have helped me get to this point enough. i owe you my life and like a million hugs. i know i suck at initiating conversation and might not be the easiest person to be friends with, but if you think that we might be friends, i assure you that we totally are. i have no idea where the line is drawn but i am always more than happy to call whoever wants to be one a friend.

twin squeaks

gravity falls summer is over and night in the woods autumn is in full swing, but i was hoping to get some early reading in before twin peaks winter hits. my parents sent me up with this box set thing that they have, but the second disk is literally unplayable meaning that i can only get as far as the pilot. kind of sucks. someday i'll find a way to watch this show without the universe cursing me.

record stores make me so happy

a signed copy of guitar music by courting??? are you fucking kidding me??? am i seriously going to have to buy this record AGAIN??? (maybe :3)

book on a shelf

it's a worrying sign for my mental state that i'm getting back into bright eyes, let alone starting to get lifted. lifted has always been the one record in their discography that i've found to be a little overrated, just because people call this the best or one of the best records conor's made when it doesn't make the top 10 for me. right now, though, it is hitting. i've listened to make war directly into you will (etc.) most days this past week. i've also remembered how badly i want to be able to play guitar. if i could pick up an acoustic guitar right now and be able to play you will and just perform that song whenever it's something i need to get out of my system, or do the same for just about any bright eyes song i guess, i think i would feel a whole lot healthier.

fevers and mirrors still clears this record so fucking hard, though. i completely agree with what ian cohen wrote about it recently, that you don't really get anything new out of it once you've aged out of finding songs with titles like "the center of the world" relatable, but it's an incredible time capsule for a time when everything felt like it mattered way more than it actually did. i miss feeling things. i miss feeling the kind of misery that brought me to fevers and mirrors in the first place rather than everything just being a grey fog now.

light decorations

i put up a few posters. the weyes blood poster from my vinyl copy of hearts aglow, obviously, as well as the grian chatten poster i got from my former local record store and a foals tour poster i got as a gift. not just any foals tour, by the way - a 2016 what went down-era foals tour with none other than get to heaven-era everything everything supporting. back then, you could go to the same show to hear both blast doors and birch tree. fucking insane.

i haven't decorated much because for the past week i have been incredibly ill and i don't know when it will end. i haven't felt well enough to do lectures or lab work or any of the shit that i'm being expected to do, but i doubt anyone else is either and they're all showing up for the same reasons i am - it's the first week and you can't afford to miss out on this stuff. plus, i like seeing my new friends, even if their first and only impression of me is "person who looks like a guy who is constantly on the brink of death and doesn't say anything ever." i'm definitely not putting my best foot forward here so far. somehow, it's still led to me finding or being found by some of the loveliest people i've ever met, so that's something to be grateful for. i wish i could stop feeling like shit now though. i hate this so much. i think that i'm past the worst part, though, which would've been over the weekend when i kept convincing myself i was dead and had a huge breakdown over an apple juice dispenser dispensing water. It's (probably) only up from here.

this concludes willow wednesday here on tumblr dot com. let me know how incredibly relatable my many squeakings are in the comments below, remember to like and subscribe and hit the bell or something :3 love u!!! thanks for reading <3

[your-old-sins-tournament]

12 YEAR OLD OCS; SIDE B

Infinity [@arthallea] (She/her)

This is Infinity! She's a magical dog who really just wants to be normal and is surrounded by friends who she thinks are idiots, lovingly. She had a troubled family life and despite all the expectations put on her, she just wants to be normal. I viewed her as the kind of loveable that Akane from Ranma 1/2 or Misty from Pokemon is! Abrasive at times, yet loving nonetheless. Her markings would all shine on the rare occasions she would use her magic powers!

I based her on who I was and what I wanted to be at the time - wanting to be free of everyone's expectations of me. Also, somehow she was my fursona but I still didn't know what a furry was yet. I consider her my first fursona, loosely! Perhaps not the *most* interesting but she held a lot of importance to me and helped lead me to where I am today!

Also, given the date on the submission of this, I was, in fact, 12 years old when I made her lol

Broanch (She/her)

okok so shes this human looking alien girl (technically this alien race evolved off humans so theres that) who was kinda just floating around in space looking for exoplanets one day because she just likes doing that and then she found one and decided to stay there for a while, during which nasa comes by and finds this exoplanet and tries claiming it but she's like "no i was here first"

but she doesnt exactly want this planet either shes just being stubborn so she decides to follow them back to earth and comes up with the totally great idea of doing a total drama type thing to decide who gets to have it and she sets this contest up as a club at a random highschool and a lot of the challenges involve going around space so shes just dragging these kids around with her to random planets and stuff she is completely unqualified to be doing this but the kids think its fun and shes having fun so why not (i say kids but shes barely older than them shes like. 19 i think? and theyre all 16-18)

shes also ridiculously OP because why not sjdffhkhsd the alien race she is evolved in an area with sparse resources so theyre able to planet-hop pretty easily and can survive floating in the void of space if need be and are also really strong shes also got like. imagine a video game stamina bar that lets you manifest objects and charged attacks out of energy. yeah shes got that and shes both a bounty hunter and wanted by the police the bounty hunter thing is cus she ran away from home and needed some source of money and ended up on this planet with a very bad homicidal animal population so might as well put that superstrength to use

and the wanted by the police thing is because she tends to just cause stuff and leave and she accidentally burned a few buildings down

there is probably more that im forgetting because i didnt write this down but thats the main points yeah

vote for her she is pure of heart dumb of ass and will bring you food randomly

[foxtoy17]

To be a little shit: Every prime number for the NSFW asks >:3c

COME ON

2: I'm fine with eating ass, but I don't like having my ass eaten.

3: I wash my hands every time I masturbate or after sex, so yes.

5: the first time I did rp on here a few weeks back, I had the best orgasm I think I've ever had. I've had sex before but very few times due to anxiety, but something about the experience of acting out a fantasy with someone...

7: uhhh six years, give or take?

11: tongue, both giving and recieving.

13: I've tried putting my own underwear in my mouth while masturbating before, but it was just uncomfortable- the fabric was rough against my mouth and sucked all the moisture from my tongue and made my mouth really dry. If someone shoved cum-soaked underwear in my mouth I think I might like it, but I don't really produce any cum anymore after being on hormones :P

17: No to both.

19: just a boring pair of black boxers unfortunately. I still haven't been able to buy panties or any lingerie.

23: Irl, no. In porn, yes.

29: It's past nine o'clock, and I'm trying to get to bed. As I'm laying face-down and drifting off, a stray thought passes through my mind- a particularly hot piece of art or writing or nude I saw during the day scrolling tumblr, and a shock of arousal shoots through my body, my dick hardening and pressing against the mattress. I try to ignore it, to roll back over and continue falling asleep, but the thought is firmly pressed into my mind, and my cock is straining against my tights, throbbing with arousal- at that point I know I won't be able to sleep until I cum, so I sigh and roll over and open my phone.

First thing I do is take my plushies and move them off the bed and turn them so they can't see me (I am being completely genuine here). I pull my tights and underwear down to my knees, and stick my tongue out to accumulate drool before I let it spill into my palm and start to rut into my hand. I go to one of my trusted sources of material- one of the rp sessions I've done with mutuals, and start scrolling through it. I go back to that fantasy, imagining them there with me, coaxing me and encouraging me to rut into my palm or fucking me hard against the mattress, making me drool and whimper with need- it usually takes me a bit to cum, so I keep rutting and moaning and letting the fantasies run through my head until my pleasure tips over the edge and I grab a tissue to cum into while I bark and hump desperately.

31: Petplay. I know it's the major kink of this account, it's just I didn't really know I was into it until I got on tumblr and having people treat me like a pet and liking it still feels strange. Don't get me wrong, I really really like it, it's just still strange to me >w<

37: No. God I wish I had a dildo.

41: YES YES YES. I especially like even more degrading stuff like cumrag, fuckpet, or slutty fox.

43: I've never done it, but I'm really into the idea.

47: There is no possible way I'm cumming in five minutes- no shame to people who cum fast of course, I think cumming fast is actually really hot. If I only had five minutes I would edge myself to the fantasy of having an owner that shoved a fleshlight over my knot and jerked me off while rubbing my vulpine ears and telling me what a good pet I am.

53: I honestly am pretty boring in my masturbation habits and only do it when I'm in bed and have the time, sorry >w<

59: Ok this is really embarrassing but I've had kind of a crush on one of my friends since high school- he's never dated or had sex and never shown interest in anyone so I've never flirted with him or anything. I'm not pining, I'm happy with our relationship as it is and don't ever want to compromise our friendship, I just also REALLY want him to shove me to my knees and make me throat his cock.

61: Yes, the person mentioned above, though I felt guilty about it.

67: uhh the thing that would probably get me closest to cumming in five minutes is pregnant furry art. Sorry. ESPECIALLY if it's tentacles and oviposition.

71: TW: Heavy mindbreak and objectification. Also I didn't edit this at all so it's pretty trash lmao.

My owner takes their time in locking me into the machine, setting me down softly on the smooth pad that supports my back, then locking my arms down and spreading my legs far apart- my head is locked in last, ears pinned down against my head nervously as they lock the ring gag into my mouth and tie the straps so my head is forced upside down, giving easy access to my tight throat.

They rub gently at my ears, chuckling at the soft whine I give.

"Good kit. You want to be good for your owner, right?"

I can't nod or really move my body at all, so I just make a low moan of affirmation. With that, they really start to set the machine up. First comes a suction tube attached to a fleshlight that they lock over my knot, drawing a low moan out of me at the tightness. I squirm as they guide the large dildo against my ass- not the biggest dildo I've ever been bounced on, but still huge. Lastly is a slightly smaller dildo that they ensure has easy access to my throat before they step away out of sight.

"This'll pinch a bit."

I wince at the slight prick of the IV needle into one of my bound arms, ensuring I have constant access to nutrients and water while I'm being trained (I know you shouldn't or couldn't keep someone alive with just an IV just let me fantasize). With all the preparation complete, I hear the soft footsteps of my owner stepping away, towards the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow, pet."

And with that, the machine turns on. The dual dildos instantly, mercilessly thrust into my holes, making me gag and choke around the intrusions in my ass and throat, meanwhile the fleshlight starts to suck and vibrate with a hum, drawing a low moan out of me that's muffled by the length in my mouth. The machine starts a relentless, brutal pace- in and out, in and out, my knot engorged inside the toy, my eyes rolling into my skull. Though I can't see it, the imprint of the toys in my guts and throat bulge out my skin, showing how much they're gaping me before they pull out and leave me sputtering and gaping.

It doesn't take me long to cum, my hips trying desperately to hump against the restraints as my knot swells and stretches the toy to its limit, pumping out rope after rope of thick, sticky cum that's eagerly slurped up by the machine. The dildos don't stop for a second, and my whines and moans of pleasure quickly turn to whimpers of overstimulation as I'm fucked through my orgasm- and the next, and the next.

I lose track of the orgasms, my holes sloppy and gaped and mind fuck-drunk when the dildos suddenly stop, halting their pace and holding themselves inside me. A moment later a gush of warm, thick cum enters me from both sides as I'm stuffed with my own seed, cumming again with dumb twitches and jerks as my fat tummy swells. When they run out of seed, they keep going.

The next morning, my owner returns to find puddles of drool and cum and slick underneath the machine, fucked out of my sloppy, gaping holes that were made to fit the toys stuffed inside them. The machine turns off with a hum, and I twitch and cum for the nth time, but with the suction off all my cum just slides out of the toy to soak into my pelvis and drip to the floor to join the puddle already there. I'm cleaned out and off, the IV bag replaced, and my owner strokes my limp ears and chuckles softly at the absolute fucked-stupid look on my dumb face- only the whites of my eyes visible, tongue haning limply and a mixture of drool, cum and tears dripping from my sloppy face to the ground. I'm so overstimulated that my whole body is an erogenous zone, and the light touch to my already-sensative ears milks another orgasm out of me as I twitch and shudder.

My owner switches out the dildos for larger ones.

By the next morning my belly is swollen so full I look impregnated, taut and jiggling with my own sticky seed. All my holes are sloppy, and my mind is permanently fucked empty, all traces of vulpine cunning gone and replaced with pliant obedience, and a complete addiction to cumming. Just to test, my owner traces a finger lightly over my popped-out belly button, and I cum for three minutes straight.

73: okay im normal again. I'm not quite sure what that means? If it means walk around with cum inside my holes, then it depends- not in public, I'm far too anxious to ever be into exhibition, but I think the idea of having a partner that makes me walk around the house with cum dripping out of my holes or making me hold it in my mouth sounds really hot.

79: my fingers :( god I wish I had toys.

83: I'm rerolling this one, I got 50: when did you last have an orgasm and how did it happen? I orgasmed four hours ago because one of my mutuals told me to and I'm a good pet.

89: absolutely not lmao I'm so anxious and I can't flirt.

97: One time I jerked off imagining my best friend from high school dominating me and I felt really bad about it because he's a super sweet person.

God okay @chaos--themralds there you go. I feel like im in highschool again doing essay questions for homework (jk, this was fun and thank you!)

[i-did-not-mean-to]

Angbang Week - Day 7

@angbangweek So...for the grand finale...One scene of utter madness! (And aaaaaah SO much bad art!!!)

Words: 705

Characters: Mairon, Melkor, Gothmog, Saruman & a surprise guest

Warnings: I am a dumb bitch. Be advised! Also, the jokes are in German...I'll explain :)

Special thanks to @cilil without whom none of these pieces would have been made and who inspired this piece. Yes, we have a lot of BTS discussions...

“Well, this is a surprise,” Melkor bleated and—in his initial panic—promptly kicked a bucket all the way through the small hangar in which he had awoken as from a deep sleep.

“You don’t say, master,” his beloved Mairon grunted, visibly displeased by the dirt clinging to his rosy, pink skin. “We’ll end up on someone’s plate!”

He had already scouted the area and found that—despite the misleading name—the region was overgrown with very regular, green trees. They were hardly black and the picturesque little cottages specking the charming landscape didn’t strike him as particularly sombre either. How disappointing!

Before Melkor would voice his nascent curiosity as to the potential reincarnation—their essences having been poured into delicious meat rather than formidable flesh—of any of his other cronies, a small kid-goat rammed its way through the partition.

“Oi, you won’t believe it,” Gothmog cried. “I still have horns but, for some unfathomable reason, I am really small and very fluffy.” He sounded strangely and unmistakably amused by that fact.

“Gothmog,” Melkor greeted enthusiastically. “Well met, my old friend.”

“You won’t believe what I’ve found!” Gothmog bleated excitedly. “It’s a kind of cake, soft as clouds, with some creamy, delicious stuff layered in and fruit soaked in strong spirits!”

“How would you know?” Mairon—or rather Sau-ron—asked suspiciously, narrowing his gleaming, beady eyes.

“Where did you find it? And did you leave any for me?” Melkor interrupted, seemingly unfazed by the fact that his deplorable sidekick had just singlehandedly made the probability that they’d end up on the chopping block skyrocket.

“Duh! In the kitchen; they put it on the windowsill. Good thing I was given a body willing and able to sample just about anything!”

“You’ll get sick nonetheless,” Mairon predicted with barely dissimulated Schadenfreude. “Congratulations on being reembodied and promptly regressing into theft and other crimes!”

“Ah, but cake!” Melkor whined pleadingly, stomping his hooves and tossing his furry head impatiently. He seemed very eager to follow Gothmog into his hare-brained heist rather than hatch out a solid plan regarding their vitally important and increasingly pressing escape.

“I repeat,” Mairon cut him off sharply, “we are in a much more precarious situation than ever before. We shall be slaughtered and consumed—come to think of it, I’d probably welcome that. Don’t look at me!”

His innate vanity was lethally wounded by the rotund, cushy shape of his physical prison—he had ever despised and loathed swine and it was the summum of punitive measures to bind him to such an undignified form.

“It suits you,” Melkor said soothingly, rubbing his smelly head against the bouncy ribs of his former lieutenant. “And I’d rather see you alive as a little pig than to be deprived of your sparkling company.”

Somewhat reconciled, Mairon’s sharp mind took stock of their situation—they had been freed, which was good, but they were now amongst the lowest of the low, which was distinctively less good.

“We need to escape,” he declared, looking expectantly into the uncanny eyes of two goats. Both were already munching happily on the splinters Gothmog’s tempestuous entrance had left on the floor. “If we don’t want to be returned to the endless nothingness before we’ve even had the chance to subjugate, I mean explore, this new world.”

“Sound plan,” Melkor praised warmly. To Mairon’s distress and annoyance, he went on chomping on everything he could get his voracious mouth on though, instead of offering any good ideas on how they’d manage that necessary jailbreak.

Outside the barn, a rooster screamed melodically.

“Oh, someone is bellyaching,” Gothmog commented, then froze, his woolly ears twitching in dim recognition. “Could this be…?”

A loud crash interrupted his earnest attempts at rational reflection.

“Hmmm-wow,” an enchanting voice exclaimed. The bull—his fur a swirl of blinding white and multi-coloured, iridescent spots—froze within the massive hole he had torn into the wall.

“Master,” he greeted Mairon with a small dip of his bulky head which made the bell tied around his thick neck jingle merrily. “I’ve come to free you. There is a very suspicious bird perched outside, and I feel that he shall not be alone for long.” “Indeed,” Mairon grunted. “Let’s go…”

So, there we have it. The last day. Now for the art!!!

𝒮𝒶𝓊𝓇𝑜𝓃: The word "Sau" means "sow", female pig

𝑀𝑒𝓁𝓀𝑜𝓇: I guess that's just the sound a goat makes...

𝒢𝑜𝓉𝒽𝓂𝑜𝑔: That one is clear and in English :)

𝒮𝒶𝓇𝓊𝓂𝒶𝓃: The word "Kuh" means "cow"

𝑀𝒶𝓃𝓌ë: The word "Hahn" means "cock, rooster"

Am I idiotic? Yes, of course...but it was fun lol

Lots and lots, really, buckets of love from me! This was such a fun event! Thank you for being here with me! 💓💓

-> Masterlist

[thequietmanno1]

TheLreads, Vigilantes ch 100, Replies Part 1

1) “And today was…. Ah, right, Vigilantes. And look at that number! 100 chapters! my oh my, felt much, MUCH, longer than that, that’s for sure. “- Not so long to the finish line now…

2) “oh yeah, because they definitely don’t stand out alright

fine, I suppose that they can pass unnoticed considering that we are focusing on the fact that people are too comfortable due to hero society blah blah blah that doesn’t change the fact they aren’t subtle when causing chaos. How are you expecting people to feel divided and isolated if they are seeing the person causing the chaos and how it doesn’t even look human?”- I guess in the low lighting they assume they couldn’t make out too much of their “facial features” or assumed they wore face-obscuring equipment like balaclavas. Still, it might have been more effective to give the anonymous troops access to Nomura’s own face-shifting ability, especially since they also share the bomber parasite cells, just to sell the sense of division more.

3) “McBee your tulpa is tempting fate right at the start of the chapter, I’m not even going to blame you when All Might does show up to ruin the fun.”- Technically, if it’s part of his own mind, doesn’t that mean that it’s still Nomura tempting fate indirectly?

4) “Hey I want to see the giraffe person on the back! C'mon Furuhashi, you gave us thomas the tank engine but you’re not even going to show a simple furry?”- “checks out Mirko”. I think Horokoshi’s pulling double-duty on that front, and doing a fine job of it too.

5) “OH MY GOD EDGE KITE

C'MON I WANTED TO SEE MORE OF THAT, THAT’S SO ABSURD I LOVED IT”- An actual ninja tool for infiltration, though I guess it took some aid from Jeanest to pull off with his fibre master powers giving it a boost and a grounding line. 6) “My god man, the heroes are really falling into hard times if they weren’t even given a simple table to put their map on, and have to dramatically crouch down to make their plans

This absolutely hurts my knees just from watching”- Gonna need to do some more squats to keep the knees in line, stop them complaining.

7) “Those damn millennials, don’t know how to act without power and internet. Back in my day if we had to call the emergency we just sent a smoke signal after hunting some mammoths.”- True, but with light pollution in a darkened night-time area, would anybody be able to see the smoke from a better-lit section of the city? Ironically, smoke is easier to make out when backlit by light. 8) “Yeah I mean, this situation is far from dire when we have a human missile that can zapt out of here and call for help in less than two minutes.”- True, but a lot can go down in less than two minutes. It’s all a matter of who moves first, and how fast the other side respond. 9) “Edge, we saw you being used a fucking kite, drop the chuunibyou attitude, there’s absolutely no way we ever will take it serious”- I dunno, Tokoyami would be all over that stuff like a pigeon at feeding time…oh, wait. 10) “Oh hey Koichi, nice to see you here. Now piss off, the grown ups are working and they still haven’t forgotten you made them circle around town the whole day long”- He tried, but Aizawa’s here to make him apologise to the nice heroes he made fools of in public, running around and evading them all day and all night. He’s trying to teach Koichi that with great skills, comes great accountability. 11) “oh my god- alright, points for koichi for actually doing what I told him to do, even if it failed miserably.”-  Koichi tried to peace out, but Aizawa came here for war. 12) “…

Yeah Aizawa, sure… Absolutely sure of that… I won’t give five minutes before you have him fighting villains.”- To be fair, with the bombers attacking everybody at once, Koichi would have been mobbed with Anonymous drones regardless of where he went. 13) “Okay now that one I’d love to see Aizawa. I am not sure you have authority to do that as a hero, haven’t you seen what happened to Captain Celebrity when he used a bit too much force?”- And later in life, Aizawa would wind up mentoring a kid who’s so helpful, he breaks his own legs to spare Aizawa the effort! 14) “Yeah, thought so. You fucking tsundere.the ADHD is strong, they didn’t got two blocks away before getting sidetracked, I feel seen.”- Being a hero is merely an example of picking up every single sidequest in a videogame before you progress the main plot. Explains how All Might’s so damm OP actually, he power-grinded even the most obscure quests to reap all those hero points and put them into strength.

15) “Oh it’s McBee talking again? I hope so, because it’s funny to see him realizing that anon hate in the inbox is one of the least efficient ways of causing discord.”- Nomura realised he needed his hate statements to carry more “oomph” and figured the best way was to prepare an explosive delivery system, guaranteed to blow you away! @thelreads

[vulpiximisa]

monthly delusional magazine aka suddenly theres fighting furries

It was kind of a series that was on my radar because my sister was obsessed with one of the character’s seiyuu and told me that ShiraImu was a dog that transformed but I didn’t think to pick it up until after I finished RobiHachi and found out that the Binan People (which people????) worked on it (both RobiHachi and Mousou). 

Anyway, I love watching the Opening for the first time because the song is whack as hell, the dog is dancing and suddenly theres battling furries???? Nothing about the title of the series would have prepared me for the furries. There was talk of the Ancient Civilization “Mo”, which maybe we could have inferred to be “Monster” or something, but when one of the main cast turns into a furry we can assume it’s related to the ancient civilization. 

So I guess I didn’t really vibe with any of the main cast, where Jiro and Saburo were probably the least offensive to me. 

Irish looking man boy (apparently he’s 18???) Goro comes in as an over enthusiastic scientist (I really think they’re not using the correct term. Maybe like anthropologist?) to this new publishing company where the rest of the “company” don’t really care, so it makes him come off as super pushy, which, isn’t quite endearing to me. Stop trying to make Over Scientific happen. There's nothing scientific about any of this stuff.

Taro, lazy woman “obsessed” “loser”, where he’s more concerned about getting married than keeping a job, is the one to transform and “save the day”. I put woman obsessed in quotes because he’s not exactly the generic skirt chasing womanizer, he has an idea of what he wants in a relationship, just nobody is seeing the vision. Anyway, not too fond of him either, maybe I don’t care too much for the “mendokusai” attitude along with the want/need of getting married. 

Jiro seems like the most mature of the group despite being the youngest, but the times when he acts his age is cute, (excited about taking photos, being jealous of Taro getting hitched). 

I think I liked Saburo better before we found out he was a whole ass man, even though I’d been told before hand that he was going to transform. He was funnier when he was just the silly dog that can dance and got better game than Taro. Though in the last few episodes it feels like Saburo was kind of playing the bokke with Goro, so I thought that was kind of fun. 

I wasn’t too invested in the plot, finding the Mo Parts to unravel the Mo Continent, being stopped by Goons from An Organization who are after the same thing. I think I was more surprised that the two goons (Perch & Noin, I’m still trying to figure out if theres a pun involved in their name) transformed, and then Jiro. I don’t know why I thought the formula was that Taro, the one that could see supernatural things, is the only one who could transform. Given Jiro had healing powers, I thought it would have been obvious, but I guess there was no hint of Jiro’s Mo form in the OP, so I think it was a nice surprise.

I think I was only seriously invested when we got to Four Tune’s episode. Unfortunately I am too familiar with Kugimiya Rie’s voice that I knew right away that she was Catherine. But I thought her and Edward were so sweet, so I was also really confused on what was going to happen with the plot when Catherine just took all the Mo parts. 

The story was Going somewhere, but I felt like it was a little messy. Like why did Catherine never tell Edward that she was also gathering Mo parts. Seems counterproductive if she knew that he was looking for them as well and being hindered by her own group looking for the parts. (Also Noin and Perch not recognizing Catherine? I guess she only dresses up to go to the cafe, because Edward also took a moment to recognize her. I guess she walks around messy when she visits him to get petted.) Anyway, the whole “eradication of Human Kind” was kind of…. Kinda wish we had a bit more of Catherine showing disdain towards humans, aside from her dealing with the shitty people as Four Tune. Did she really not think about Edward before she thought of everything for the whole 15 years. If it was something like “we will blow up the planet, but those who are in the continent with us right now would be okay” I think I would accept that, but it felt like she Forgot that Edward was human. 

I know they’re an Advanced Ancient Civilization, but why would there even be such a convenient device if The King didn’t even want for it to be used. How convenient was it that the only way to deactivate the undeactivatable weapon was to sink the entire continent. 

I also wasn’t too fond of the climax. It did feel like they were trying to give Goro some spotlight for deciphering the tablet, but then it was just Jiro and Taro racing off to the high point. Saburo was literally there to be silly and sing his bard song. …Until he transforms again into A Big Mo Bird???? 

I have soooo many questions about past Jiro and Taro. Like, I’m assuming Jiro has a crush on Taro because of their past relation, their past relation being up for interpretation, but the age gap is so questionable. I would have liked to see past Taro dying first, hence he getting to start reincarnating first and then Jiro following later, that’s why he’s so much younger. Unless it’s like, Jiro died first and cycled around that the ages get messed up. ??? Anyway, big loss that we didn’t get a clear answer from Taro’s memory loss. Like, they assumed he didn’t want to remember? Was it because Jiro died? ??? I didn’t like that he just got a few flashbacks and was suddenly sentient. There could have been a whole “oh nooo the memories are coming in *holds head in pain* *tears in eyes* I remember now” scene.

I felt like the series is more serious than something like Binan and RobiHachi. I haven’t seen Fairy Ranmaru, where I guess they do take themselves seriously, but I think they took themselves seriously for the most part here. I did laugh at Tiger-Taro doing Bollywood dance and ice skating but I think the tone of the series was not as comedic as I thought it could have been/ would be. The discovery of other M civilizations seems like a joke though but I honestly don’t know if it is or not. (I thought the little red fortune dispenser would come into play, with the strange character glyph patterns it has.) 

Why do the Mo parts give humans/animals weird powers, why does Taro see supernatural stuff, how come Jiro’s powers still come through even though he doesn’t have his memories. Why is Saburo the only Mo reincarnated into a non human, but he has two forms? Why are the stones of the 6 so important, does that mean those 6 are specifically important to the Mo Continent. Jiro, Taro, FourTune, Saburo (?) I get, they’re directly connected to the royal lineage. The question is the bear twins. Who are they and how did they suddenly have the ability to fuse into a giant panda??? Tiger-Taro has the ability to create giant hand claws??? We need more answers about Mo powers. 

I thought a few recorder-like tracks sounded sooo familiar and reminiscent of Yuru Camp, and I was right, it was the same composer. I don’t think I know their scary, serious tracks though, so that was very interesting. The character designs are kinda messy to me, bright cyan, green & orange and purple aren’t a very nice color combination for a group, but if they wanted to stand out, I guess. 

[jack-bytez-genuine-corner]

Dear Tumblr diary,

I had to make a Instagram and Threads in an attempt to follow con artists I've met and bought things from, but in doing so I have to interact with a social media that sucks and only wants to show me women "Working out" in the skimpiest attire imaginable with their gazoingas hanging out and not at all supported, which isn't just bad form that can get you injured but I'm gay and therefore am terrified of big boobs. Jokes aside it sucks as I already pine for the days when I first joined Tumblr and learned it had basically negative levels of coding for a recommendation feed but instead just drip feeds me content from people I already follow. Also you have to request to follow some people on Instagram? I'm not trying to be their friend I'm just trying to read any important updates they put out so I can toss what little money I can spare at them to keep them afloat. (As a side note I do have a fear of big breasts a little. I have no clue if that's a weird fear but I got it and I'll never understand it. I've started to learn to like big chested guys though so that's good but it's dumb.)

On another note I did a full body nude sketch of an anthro lamb that turned out VERY well. I don't really see many anthro lambs as so many artists draw them very cute and innocent and closer to the source but I just drew a dude and stapled a lamb head on him and I think it turned out very well for furry art and for my first full body sketch in over 6 years. I had to relearn all my 2D art stuff cause I got hit by some crap around my time in art college that made me hang up the pen until this last month ish.

I'm very happy that my friends, family and husband are all giving me much more of the support I'd like from art which is more than just "Ok" or "Cool" which definitely gives me that rush to keep going, but the core difference is that I'm far more accepting of my "Bad art" than I was even I was 18. Art to me is just about the process and making now and that brings joy, rather than grandiose ideals or dreams. I guess my pessism from having long COVID and brain fog has made me bury my dreams which let's me enjoy the present far more.

The Cult of the Lamb comic is insanely good so far and I feel like it's doing a great job of fleshing out every aspect of the characters but most notably I do like how terrifying and authority driven the lamb can be while also being extremely kind, really playing with both aspects of the potential read on the game's "Morality." I still have a couple con comic books to read ala Quested but I'm also going to read Kid Venom just cause I think more of these very western properties should hand them out to people in other countries to do their own spin. I talk about it with my dad a lot but getting an Idian film studio or Korean film studio to make a Star Wars movie or show would be really neat given just how much raw talent they have and how they might approach these concepts from a different cultural lens, especially since foreign stuff is taking off in the West due to how much desire people have to see and experience something new that isn't just made by us in America. Like get the people who made Monkey Man to make an hour and a half lone Jedi revenge story or something could be awesome.

Other than all that I'm about 3.75ish years into Long COVID brain fog with zero relief coming so that sucks as it made me quit college right before I had my associates while stopping me from working at all. Given how shtty the job market is with scams and fake job listings I can't really tell if that's a blessing or a curse. Hopefully I won't be like this forever, but I guess it's fine if I am too.

I'm wishing you all the best,

Jack

[keefwho]

June 05 2024 - Wednesday

10:24pm

5/10

This morning I wiped down my mirror/sink and shelf that holds most of my bathroom stuff. I also cleaned each individual item so it was all spotless. For breakfast I made a breakfast sandwich with rice and it came with 2 slices of cheese instead of 1.

For work I warmed up with what I attempted to be quick color studies of bedrooms. Then I completely finished the next commission, nearly putting me a day ahead. AL was being weird in stream today, clearly emotional about something but luckily I didn't have to intervene.

After stream I hopped on desktop VRchat while I looked for the songs sampled by a lot of the vaporwave I listen to. There were a few good ones I simply couldn't track down but I got a few. As usual in chaotic public VRchat lobbies, there were a lot of teens trying to be edgy/funny. For lunch I made tuna spaghetti.

Real quick, theres a lot of small things that happen that I just don't talk about and I think it's because I think it's embarrassing that they are even notable enough to write down. It makes me feel like I have so little going on that *this* was a landmark of my day. I also think I really didn't care about a lot of these small things I did so I don't want to talk about them like there were important to me because they weren't. They mostly stick out because of how unsatisfied I was with what I was doing but its what I DID so thats all I have to talk about. Id rather stick to documenting things that were actually important to me.

In the afternoon I did today's request and hopped into VRchat again to continue a painting "from life" I was doing. The world I joined had some guys in it, all mid-teens I think. They were an edgy little bunch aside from the 1 guy that stayed after the others left. We conversed for awhile, and by that I mean I asked him a billion questions since he didn't seem to know how to keep a conversation going. They a couple more of his friends joined to talk. It was decent company while I painted.

I hopped off to focus on working on my pony avatar. I took a few minute break, at a cookie, and got to work. I did some weight painting and attemped baking some ambient occlusion on it to see if it would be an improvement. I think it'd be better if I manually painted on any shadows/details I want.

After work I took a short desk nap while watching FLoB stream. I was mentally tuckered out so that helped. Then I joined BR's server to watch them play Minecraft for a bit. I also got whitelisted for their server so I can hop in when I'm ready to start. Then I hit up DS to chill.

We watched a furry con vlog and poked fun at some of the interesting people we saw while discussing other topics. She was gluing pieces of her fursuit foot together but had a lot of trouble with it and had to put it off until tomorrow. Before she headed upstairs, we perused this scent oil website to see what would be best to make a spray for her fursuit. I was sold on one called "secret garden." Also put some thought into what I might smell like, I think something associated with 'brown' like coffee or a kind of nut.

In bed we did puzzles and chatted some more. We talked about what it means to be evil and what it might take to be someone that works with dead bodies. After she went to sleep I browsed around everywhere before my nightly routine, nothing in particular.

I had the same bad thoughts and feelings as usual today but I am just staying aware of them and thats it. Its helping in the sense that I still maintain at least some degree of mental clarity separate from whatever is going on in my head. This is defusion at work.

[thenightmarebluntrotation]

this is hard to talk about but i need to put it somewhere, tw under the cut for mentions of grooming and kink

so we think of our traits as either being part of our shared hardware (the brain, the body etc.) or being part of our software (the individual system members)

some of our hardware includes being autistic, being a lion therian etc.

for the most part, kink is a software thing. the adults in my system who fulfil the role of sexual protectors each have their own preferences when it comes to kink, but there's one particular fetish which is hard coded into our brain and affects the entire system, whether we like it or not.

our host has been partaking in this fetish more than usual lately with his partner outside the system and i am frequently exposed to content related to it because we share a phone and are often logged into each other's socials by accident.

i am a sex repulsed ace, but i have memories of fantasizing about doing (activity) in a non sexual way with my crush at the time. the (activity) hardware through the lense of the echo software,

the problem is that i got groomed into this kink when we were bodily a minor. i used to take furry commissions on deviantart and didn't understand that a lot of the stuff i was being asked to draw was someone's jerk off material, because it's stuff that seems innocuous on the surface of you're new to the culture of the internet. i won't go into the specifics of what that entailed for us, but for context it's like how cartoonists used to get away with putting inflation and feet and muscle stuff in kids shows.

i drew a few commissions for this guy and he always wanted pics of his fursona doing (activity), and at some point i cottoned onto the fact that it was a fetish but i still needed the money. i was a very shy and non confrontational person at the time and he got me to video chat on skype with him for what i thought was a commission consultation after i begged him to keep it to dms or emails, and he just asked me a bunch of inappropriate stuff and wanted me to rp (activity) with him under the guise of it being our fursonas and therefore not creepy. he commissions several pieces of his fursona and my fursona doing (activity) together and i hated it but i was broke af and was like 'how badly can this really affect me, im smart, i'm catfishing nonces for money' and convinced myself i was the one in control.

anyway, not long after that, other bullshit happened in my day to day life and i went into dormancy, and julianna was not anywhere near as patient with creeps as i was. the guy messaged us asking to commission us, we cautiously said 'yes, but here's xyz boundary' and then he said 'i dont want a drawing' and tried to solicit nudes from us (still underage at that point) and julianna blew up at him and blocked him and wrote a vague journal about him without naming him, and he deactivated pretty soon after.

i am more affected by this than i thought i was now that (activity) is a big part of dandelion's life. it's not him that's triggering me, it's the reality of what happens when the hardware and the software are incompatible. hardware says we like (activity), echo software is sex repulsed ace and has trauma related to (activity). im more freaked out by my own body and involuntary sexual responses to certain things when i don't want anything like that

anyways im rambling, if you read this thank you have a nice day

echo 🌸🐇