thenightmarebluntrotation

[thenightmarebluntrotation]

brute forced my way out of going back into dormancy AMA

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we should probably tell echo's friends that she's dormant but we're just really hoping we won't have to?? we haven't done it yet because every so often there's a tiny glimmer of something, like she's trying her hardest to stick around. the brain just seems to not want her to

- dandy

[thenightmarebluntrotation]

i think my gf is going back into dormancy, im not feeling great

- ramone

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cw: little rant about stuff, mention of past trauma but no details

i get annoyed every time i see that post that's something along the lines of 'if you get upset about how trauma changes the brain remember that healing does too' because trauma is readily available in many many forms but healing is something that's often inaccessible, behind a paywall, involves a huge amount of vulnerability that most people can't afford in their everyday lives etc. etc. and i was just reminded of this because of something absolutely ridiculous i just realised about our brain.

i just heard my dog get up off the sofa and do a big shake in the other room like she usually does when she's going to greet my mum at the door, and i had an immediate panic response to that because my brain has come to associate the sound of my dog waking up with the sound of my mum coming through the door.

the reason this is annoying is because in the present day, there's nothing bad about my mum coming home. it doesn't indicate that something bad is about to happen. it used to mean that a long time ago and now it doesn't. i haven't had a reason to be afraid of my mum coming home for a long time now. the dog wasn't even HERE when that was an issue, so the fact that i have a new panic trigger which has nothing to do with the original context of the trauma is stupid as fuck

so yeah the body keeps the score but only about the BAD THINGS, the human brain is FUCKING SHIT at acknowledgeing when a threat is no longer present, it's shit at internalising changed behavior and growth, and im tired of people pretending that it's just as easy to rewire your brain as it was for people to traumatise you in the first place

[thenightmarebluntrotation]

Some types of switching for us

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Sometimes I wonder about all the younger/newer alterhumans in the alterhuman community who are so "anti endo" and "anti pro endo" that they have effectively cut themselves off from some of the largest and/or oldest alterhuman resources out there. Like some of the biggest names that get referenced, cited, etc. include a lot of people who they do not or refuse to interact with. And not just specific individuals either. Even whole major events like Othercon, Centaurus Festival, etc. all are "endo safe" and even have/sometimes have endogenic systems (or not-strictly-traumagenic systems) as help staff.

Plus, down on through the line of things being created within the community and even outside the community.

~ Earth Listener (she/her)

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How bad do you all have it in the shared "I bought the snack and someone else swiped it when I wasn't fronting" experience of plurality? (/Silly)

Personally i think it's extremely funny when someone gets a snack and then another alter fronts by accident/because of something completely unrelated and they're just like "Oops,"

[thenightmarebluntrotation]

before our syscovery we used to know a DID system who strongly believed that having sex with an alter is always sexual assault regardless of whether the alter consents, only their host was allowed to sleep with people or have relationships. idk where the hell they got that from because i know so many systems with sexual protectors or hypersexuality from trauma where it would be virtually impossible for any sexual partner to know this unless the system specifically volunteered that info.

i don’t like the idea that any hookup with a stranger could be a potential rape if they happen to have a dissociative disorder they don’t know about or don’t want to disclose, good thing i’ve never met anyone else before or since who believes this. i’m so grateful to be part of a system that collectively emphasises the importance of bodily autonomy and dignity of risk.

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Putting "anti recovery" up on the shelf now. You can have it back once you realize that every system is different and has different needs

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Some of us just come pre-labeled idk man lol

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Shoutout to in-system relationships that aren’t romantic in nature. To your headmates who are your parents, your children, your siblings, your best friends. To your headmates that love you so dearly, as a friend or as family or any other label. <3

[thenightmarebluntrotation]

wish i could just beam my system's entire lore into someone's head at will so we don't have to explain everything to everyone we care about

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Let's think of it this way: mental illness = a diagnosis with symptoms. However, the societal perception of mental illness is a much larger, more amorphous group of things that may or may not be mental illness. Most people understand that schizophrenia is a diagnosis, but you don't have to be diagnosed to be perceived by people in general as 'a schizo'. You just have to act weird enough.

Saneism is not just directed towards people with diagnosed mental conditions, and I don't think people realize just how little literacy the general public has in what is mental illness and what isn't. Oppression is directed at the amorphous blob of crazy, not laser-focused at people with diagnoses. The psych industry can be both something that helps people and (especially in the past) perpetuates stigma that people hold on to. A *lot* of misconceptions and saneist ideas originate from the psychology of the early to mid 20th century; stuff that is no longer believed by professionals or people who read up on psychology, but something that the average layman might have heard from someone who heard it from someone and so on for the last 50 years until it becomes general knowledge

....the point got away from me. Anyway. All this is to say is that oppression operates on perception of difference by the oppressor class and not actual identity lines drawn by the in-group. They will just assume something is wrong with you if you act in a way that defies cultural norms too much.

~enforcement of cultural hierarchy~

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i wanna talk about how we’ve managed to access our inner world as a system with aphantasia but last time we spoke about it another system with aphantasia told us our inner world was just an ‘imaginary world’ because it doesn’t function the same way as theirs does…

[thenightmarebluntrotation]

Here’s some positivity for school-based headmates!

Many systems may find that school causes them to form new headmates. Whether it’s to cope with bullying, harsh teachers, or difficult schoolwork, whether it comes from a place of boredom, curiosity, or distress, no matter why school has caused your system to form new headmates, those headmates are a valued and important part of your system! This post goes out to y’all!

📚 Shoutout to headmates who formed to help with school subjects or complete schoolwork or homework!

📝 Shoutout to headmates whose role is to protect their system from bullies or mean teachers!

📓 Shoutout to headmates who voluntarily took over the job of fronting at school!

📚 Shoutout to headmates who front at school, but still struggle with assignments, learning, tests, or other school-based responsibilities!

📝 Shoutout to systems without friends at school whose headmates help each other cope with loneliness and isolation!

📓 Shoutout to headmates who formed to handle school punishments like detention, writing sentences, missed recess, principal office visits, silent lunches, or in school suspension!

📚 Shoutout to introjects who have school based exomemories or exotrauma!

📝 Shoutout to queer, disabled, BIPOC, intersex, and other marginalized systems whose identities made them a target for mistreatment by students and teachers alike!

📓 Shoutout to trauma holders who hold painful memories from school!

📚 Shoutout to systems who are seriously struggling in school, but who have no choice but to go!

📝 Shoutout to systems who are no longer in school, but who still deal with the aftermath of harm and trauma caused to them while they were attending!

📓 Shoutout to headmates who love school and who did everything possible to ensure their system’s academic success!

Regardless of how your system originated or what your education was like, school can be difficult and traumatizing for anyone. If you or another member of your system formed because of or in order to help with school in any way, please know that you are treasured and valued just the way you are. Your worth is not tied to your role, and you will still be wanted and cherished by your system and by the plural community long after you graduate or leave a school setting.

If your system is still attending school, we hope that you all can find the courage and strength to persevere until graduation. Know that struggling in school or requiring other headmates to support you through your education does not make you weak, foolish, or stupid. It’s okay to do whatever it takes to survive and keep your system safe. We care about you, and we are wishing your whole system the very best, both inside and outside the classroom. Thanks so much for reading, and have a great day!

[thenightmarebluntrotation]

love being a system but HATE that theres no way to have photos of us interacting unless we draw them ourselves :(

[thenightmarebluntrotation]

did a brave thing yesterday (screenshots under the cut)