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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years ago

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Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Pregnant!Female!Reader) pt. 14

Hannibal reads too much into Max's attempt to reconcile and cult girl revisits her past.

@wisesandwichshark @pearlstiare

Trigger warnings: discussions of death, abandonment, military casualties, emotional abuse

You soon returned to the opera knowing you had nothing to hide. Hannibal selected for you an off-white maternity gown so form-fitting it was practically painted on. He wanted everyone to see that you, his queen, empress and goddess, were carrying his child.

It only took that evening for the whole dynamic to change. Suddenly, you were an expectant new mother. Imogen had been a massive hit, you were planning to go again.

You were affixing your heavy cubic zirconia earrings when you heard a knock at the door. You hesitated, but hurried down the stairs when you saw who it was.

"Max?" You said, upon opening the door. He stood there awkwardly, holding a bouquet of flowers. "Hi?"

"Hey, [F/N]." Max greeted, eyes darting nervously around the porch. "I just came around to apologize in person. I'm sorry I was such a chauvinist prick."

You leaned against the door. "Oh?"

"You were right." He continued. "I don't know what it's like to carry a baby, and, unless something goes very wrong, I never will."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that." You smiled.

"Anyway, these are for you." He said, handing the bouquet over. "They're chrysanthemums."

"Thank you, Max." You said, accepting the flowers.

"Archie and I-" He scratched the back of his head. "We thought that, maybe, if you'd still have us, that we'd name the baby Chrysanthemum. With your permission, of course."

"Like the picture book?" Your face lit up. "With the little mouse girl?"

Max nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, exactly."

You hugged the bouquet into your chest and considered it again. You looked back at Hannibal, who hadn't looked up from his expectant fathers' website for a second all day. He surrounded himself with books about child psychology, attachment theory, developmental behavior patterns and somehow found himself on a tangent about institutionalized misogyny in medicine.

"I'm sorry, Max." You said, sincerely. "I really do appreciate you coming down here and apologizing, but-"

Max put his hands up and gave you a disarming smile. "I understand. Plans change."

"I just really want to stress that it's not you." You assured him. "I've kind of... really grown to like the idea of being a parent. And I think that was Hannibal's plan all along, too."

"I believe a congratulations is in order, then." His voice turned up in delight. "I'm very happy for you. Both of you."

You clutched the bouquet to your chest. "Thank you."

"Well, I'd better get going." He stepped backwards down the stairs. "I've got three pints of Ben and Jerry's in the backseat and Archie'll have my head if I come home and they've melted."

"Max, wait." You stopped him before he could get down the driveway.

"Hm?"

You leaned against the threshold and smiled warmly. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

Max returned the smile. "Of course not."

You waved goodbye and shut the door. You hurried to the kitchen to put the flowers in water before you had to go.

"Who was that, love?" Hannibal asked, half-heartedly. He was still very fixated on his research.

"Max Thomas-Park." You answered, unwrapping the flowers from the decorative plastic.

Hannibal looked up from his computer, but left the room silent for you to fill.

"He wanted to make amends." You explained. You walked across the room to the china cabinet and selected a vase big enough to hold the ornate bouquet. "Brought flowers and everything."

"Chrysanthemums?" He asked, sniffing the air.

"I see your sense of smell is coming back." You commented.

"Interesting selection." He narrowed his eyes on the bouquet.

"Well, he said that was what he wanted to name the kid." You offered. "It was a cute pitch, not gonna lie."

Hannibal shut his laptop and examined the bouquet up close. "If he wanted to express regret, he would have done better to bring you blue or purple hyacinths."

"Well, like I said." You made a point to project a little more. "He said he wanted to name his daughter chrysanthemum."

"Mums are given to show sympathy for those in mourning." Hannibal continued, clearly having his own conversation.

"Hannibal-"

"I think your cousin got her hooks in him and he's planning to--" He cut himself off, lest he speak the unthinkable into reality. "That's why he brought mourning flowers."

"Max Thomas-Park is conspiring with Anna to kill our unborn baby?" You said, flatly, to emphasize how insane he sounded.

Hannibal held a bloom between his fingers and looked closely at it. "It's the kind of hint I would leave. For courtesy's sake."

"I think looking at parenting blogs all day has made you a little paranoid." You observed, knowing full well that an overprotective husband and soon-to-be father of your child was not a bad problem to have. Nevertheless, you shut the laptop and touched his cheek. "Come on. We're going to be late for the opera."

You heaved yourself into the passenger's seat of the car, feeling the seat give beneath your heavy frame. Every time you got into the car, you remembered that you needed to shop for a car seat. The thought just as soon left your mind every time.

“We need to look for a car seat.” You said as Hannibal shut the door, hoping that he’d remember.

“I mean,” Hannibal blurted out, still lost in his own conversation. “Max is a cultured and well-educated man. He has to know the implications of his flowers.”

You huffed, dreading to think that paranoid delusion was symptomatic of his parenting style. “Right. The twenty-seven year old data analyst who graduated with a finance MBA from UChicago is also proficient in the outdated and frivolous language of flowers.”

“In Italy, mums are only given as comfort for loss.” Hannibal said with undeserved conviction. “Exclusively, [F/N].”

You rolled your eyes and typed something up on your phone. You raised your eyebrows, feeling a bit proud of yourself for what you found.

“In Korea, y’know, the country that Max’s family is from,” You corrected. “The chrysanthemum is a symbol of friendship.”

Hannibal tensed up for a moment, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. It was as if he were trying to break himself out of a trance. “...I’m sorry, darling.”

“I know you’re scared.” You stared at his profile, trying to make out an expression. “I’m also... pretty scared. But you can’t take it out on a guy who has nothing to do with it.”

“I am scared.” He affirmed, but the way in which he did was a telltale sign that he wasn’t giving you the full story.

“Of?” You raised your eyebrow. “Finish the sentence, Hannibal.”

"I need to keep our baby safe." He answered. "And I cannot in good conscience let her come into the world knowing that someone wants to hurt her. To hurt you."

You sighed. "Hannibal, are you seriously still worried about Anna?"

"Don't underestimate the role privilege and entitlement plays in the decision to commit acts of violence." He enunciated carefully. "You of all people should know that."

"Anna has cultivated such a perfect victim image to project outwardly that even a hint of proactive violence would shatter it." You explained. "She's the poor girl who has things done to her. Her evil cousin ruined her marriage. Her evil cousin destroyed her career. And she's the innocent victim in all of it."

"Logically, I know that you can speak on her behavior with more authority than I." Hannibal admitted.

"No shit." You scoffed. "I had to live with her."

"Can we at least entertain the idea that she has something planned?" He pleaded.

"I'm surprised at you." You said. "You never really struck me as the overly-cautious type."

Hannibal shook his head. "With my own life, I'm willing to gamble. But not when it's you. And not when it's Imogen."

You tensed up. His admitted willingness to put himself in danger unlocked a core memory you had buried deep down. The only thing you knew about your own father was that he was willing to put himself in danger. To go overseas and die for fuck-all instead of live for the child he selfishly created then abandoned. He chose to give his life for oil. You didn't choose to grow up without a father and your mother didn't choose to raise a child without a partner. He made that choice for you.

"Now what are you not telling me?" Hannibal broke you out of your trance. "I know that look, [F/N]."

"Nothing." You shook your head. "You should really not plan on dying anytime soon."

"I promise you, I am not going anywhere." His voice softened. "Least of all, to Iraq."

"Okay, you're a pretty good therapist but you never told me you could read minds." You threw your hands up in defeat. "Are you a psychiatrist or are you Loki?"

"As fun as being the god of mischief would be," Hannibal smiled to himself. "I just happen to have a steel-trap memory and an admittedly quite obsessive fixation on the mental health of the mother of my child."

"I swear to god I never told you about him." You denied. "Not even in passing."

"You didn't have to." He assured you. "Beatrice did."

You were surprised for a fraction of a second until the information sat in your head long enough to realize it wasn’t surprising in the slightest. Beatrice took every opportunity she got to brag about her son's sacrifices. She never once mentioned the sacrifices he forced upon you. Only that her son was a hero.

"Did you get the 'don't believe anything [F/N] has to say about my son' speech?" Your voice flattened in complete non-surprise.

"It was a prepared speech?" Hannibal chuckled. "Pity. I thought I was special."

"She gave it to my first boyfriend." You rolled your eyes. "We were, like, fifteen."

"The root of your psychological issues becomes clearer every time we talk about Beatrice." He commented under his breath.

"I know." You conceded.

He pulled into the parking lot, turned the car off and placed his hand over yours.

"Your father was a coward." He said, bluntly. It was nice to hear what had been echoing in the back of your head out loud for once. "I know no country to serve. No god to glorify. I promise, you have the whole of me. My mind, body and soul belongs to you and our child."

You squeezed his hand. "I couldn't ask for anything else."

#hannibal lecter #hannibal x you #hannibal x reader #hannibal nbc #cult girl #more cult girl #cult girl doctorate #cult girl 2 #tw death #tw family #pregnant reader #hannibal x pregnant reader

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enchanted-prose · 5 years ago

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#9 On the Horizon

two in one day I’m sorry, I just had to do it, plus I’m excited to see everybody else’s reactions because I’m posting to fanfiction.net and I have one reviewer who has some good theories on the overarching plot. . .

Word count: 5,433

Characters: Tobias, Mott, Feall (Original character), Renlyn Karise (Original character) The Faola (Original creation)

Notes: Edited!

Enjoy!

Tobias wiped his forehead with his sleeve, the summer heat piercing his long sleeved tunic. He loved his work. He loved being able to see results, being able to visibly help other people. It was his mentor, the castle’s official physician, who’d suggested Tobias set up temporary clinics in the poorer areas of the city.

It would give him good practice.

The temporary clinics were nothing like the pristine physician’s suites in the castle, but it was certainly better than a pigsty. It was always set up in the morning by the earliest patrol. A large striped tent was set up in the middle of a large space surrounded by dying buildings. This kept patients out of the heat.

Due to his dedication, Tobias had climbed higher than many of the other apprenticed physicians. He was the one telling the others to get patients clean, keep a steady supply of water, and clean up any mess.

Power felt good. Power over a group of people with a similar cause.

The truth was, he liked not having to sweep floors, he liked cleaning people up. He liked stitching them back together.

That was what his ‘power’ brought him.

In the heat, Tobias requested that canopies be set up in addition to the central tent. It would be easier to work that way. He gently patted his current patient’s shoulder after bandaging the patient’s infected wound. The instructions were clear: Keep clean or he wouldn’t survive.

The new trend of cleanliness was creating a string of new businesses.

Or at least that’s what Renlyn Karise said. Everyone was racing to build up their own bath houses. Racing to supply water to people who could pay for it.

Renlyn played her cards well.

She was one of the few members of the gentry providing water for free, in turn, she received a new wave of Carthyan employees.

Supposedly she was setting up an office in Drylliad dedicated to building structures.

Business to Renlyn was like medicine to Tobias.

The patient thanked Tobias profusely, and walked away. With a grin, Tobias handed his used instruments to the nearest assistant, and moved on to the next canopy. A new bag of tools and a new patient were waiting for him.

“You see, Mott, I was able to track down the doctors that healed Imogen after she was shot through her shoulder,” Tobias said as he opened up his bag of instruments. “Because that kind of survival? Nearly impossible. He wouldn’t tell me his name, though, it took a lot of string pulling on both my part and Amarinda’s part.”

Mott, who often accompanied Tobias during a temporary clinic, scratched the back of his bald head. “Right. I have a feeling you’re going to tell me all about it no matter what my answer is, what did he say?”

“Cleanliness is key. He did a study in which he followed doctors with used instruments as well as doctors who used clean ones. Those with dirty instruments had a higher mortality rate.”

“I suppose that makes sense,” Mott nodded. “Dirty cities tend to have higher plague rates, or at least they did.”

“I’m glad you- please stick your tongue out, ma’am- noticed that,” Tobias squinted at his patient’s throat. “It appears that you have white pockets on the back of your throat, you told me it’s quite painful? Do your ears feel jammed too?”

The patient tilted her head left and right.

Tobias nodded, and stepped away when the patient hacked into the open air. “Good, it’s not an infection of the ear, rather an inflammation of the throat. You can get better if you sleep, drink plenty of- absolutely no ale, I’m sorry- water, and make sure you’re coughing often. Come back in three weeks if symptoms don’t subside.”

“You’re very good at what you do,” said Mott as he leaned against one of the canopy poles.

“Plenty of practice, and my wife is an ambassador, she has a lot of access to the best books in the realm. Thank the Saints for the printing press.”

“Rumor has it that you’re single handedly responsible for the lack of bloated corpses in the streets.”

He didn’t mean to make a face.

There would always be people he couldn’t save, and that didn’t sit well with Tobias.

What he’d chosen as a profession differed from what Roden did.

Medicine didn’t label anybody. You were supposed to use it to help everyone in need.

When a person died under a physician’s care, it was far different from taking a man’s life in battle. It was different because steps had been taken to try to save the patient. Because no matter who the patient was, they were being cared for.

In battle, it was a contest to see who was strongest.

Battle crushes compassion.

Medicine exercised as much compassion as it could.

Death never sat well with Tobias, he wanted everyone to have the chance to see another sunrise.

“That’s not true,” Tobias insisted. “Jaron’s the one who's mostly responsible, and I’d put a lot of credit to Imogen and Amarinda. Roden, too. And Renlyn. It’s never the work of one person, it’s the work of a lot of people with good ideas and respect for another human being.”

“Have you been reading books on philosophy too?” Mott arched an eyebrow.

“How did you know?”

“Because I read the same book.”

Tobias opened and shut his mouth several times. A wide grin spread across his face. “Really? I absolutely loved it, though there were some situations where I- please take a seat, sir, I was told you have an injury on your foot and you mustn't put any more pressure on it- didn’t agree with the author.”

“That’s the point of philosophy, is it not?” Mott narrowed his eyes at the patient’s wet boots. “I don’t make a habit of philosophy, but that book was certainly worth my time.”

“Good, good! I thought- sir, can you remove your boot please?” Asked Tobias, trying his best to juggle both conversations.

To his dismay, he couldn’t carry both.

As gingerly as he could, Tobias removed the patient’s boot, and kept a straight face as the smell assaulted his nose.

The foot seemed normal, but Tobias knew better to dismiss a patient’s concern based off of appearance only. Shifting around in his bag of instruments, Tobias withdrew a cloth, and used it to cover his hands while he touched the patient’s foot.

There weren’t many things Tobias disliked, except for feet.

But his love for what he did helped him overcome that loathing in order to help people like his current patient.

“When did you begin feeling pain?” Tobias asked after thoroughly touching the foot. “Does it ever flare up?”

The patient held up his hand and tilted it from side to side. “Fales up on occasion, usually after I’ve worked a long day.”

“And when did this pain start?”

“Er, ah, I took up a second job hauling metal for the blacksmith. My foot started hurting a week or two after I began.”

Ah, that second job would certainly contribute.

So many of the patients Tobias saw had afflictions that could be cured with a little rest, and a little less consumption of liquors. Renlyn’s attempt to provide fresh water to those who couldn’t get any was helping, but as people were working themselves to death, there was only so much water could do.

“You mentioned that the pain flares,” noted Tobias, suddenly very aware of the fact that the cobblestones were hurting his knees. He rocked back onto his heels, “Can you tell me when they get unbearable? And when they’re not painful at all?”

“I, ah, let me think,” the patient’s shoulders twitched. “They don’t get so bad on the Saints’ day. I think they’re the worst on the last working day of the week. I suppose it builds up over time.”

All it took was that explanation to confirm Tobias’s diagnosis.

Unfortunately, the patient likely wouldn’t like it.

He cleared his throat, trying to pick out the best words to describe what needed to be done. “Sir, you don’t have any fractures of the bone, nor any growths or other bad things. . . But you’re working yourself to exhaustion.”

The patient was silent. Tobias could feel Mott’s eyes lingering on the scene, taking in the utter disappointment. Asking the patient to work less was asking him to starve. Asking him to let his family starve.

And that notion made Tobias’s heart begin to whimper. It made his heart break in two.

His patient should be allowed to rest.

He should be allowed to build up his strength.

Allowed to take a moment to ease his aching feet.

“Sir, if you want to make the best recovery you can, you’ll-,” Tobias heaved in a breath, panic crawling up his spine in tiny steps. “Your feet aren’t broken in any way, but they’re tired. Your body is tired. You must take more than a day of rest in order to prevent further injury.”

The patient hung his head.

Behind him, Mott stiffened. Tobias could sense the sudden change in the atmosphere around them. He was preparing to defend Tobias in case the patient grew violent.

It had been several weeks since the last patient tried to hurt him, but it wasn’t something Tobias could ever forget.

After several moments of silence, the patient nodded. “How long would I be unable to work?”

“Depends. If you completely take the pressure off of your feet, I suppose you could recover in a few days. You’ll want to eventually build up strength, but you do that in small increments, not by lugging metal and other wares around for nearly a whole week.”

“I, ah, I have my family to think of.”

Tobias didn’t mean to wince. He’d known that was coming, and he wished with all of his heart that he’d solve the-

“Lord Branch, it truly is a nice afternoon,” said a familiar, catlike voice.

“Lady Karise, I was just meeting with a patient. We’re discussing the best way for him to recover,” Tobias glanced back at the woman behind him.

“Oh?” Renlyn shielded her eyes against the sun. She had to be blistering hot in her gown and veil. “Is there a price to be paid?”

“Not necessarily,” the patient bowed his head, murmuring the appropriate titles for the woman before him.

“Then why is both patient and doctor so disenhearted?”

As subtle as he could, Tobias nodded at his patient. Renlyn wouldn’t have him flogged for speaking to her. Or at least he didn’t think so.

There was an air of nervousness as Tobias’s patient brought his eyes from the ground to Renlyn’s face. Reverence filled his voice. “My lady, Lord Branch has asked- has informed me that my pain will go away given a little rest. . .”

Renlyn arched an eyebrow, both she and Tobias were waiting for the outcome of their discussion.

“My family depends on my, my lady, that’s all I have to say on the matter. I will not let them starve,” the patient finished by bowing his head once again.

“True dedication,” Renlyn mused.

Something mischievous was sparkling in her eyes. Tobias could see it from where he sat. He could see that glimmer as clear as the daylight illuminating Drylliad.

“What are you implying?” Tobias tried not to frown, there were all too many possibilities about what Renlyn was trying to get across.

“I promise you, dear sir, that you will be taken care of.” That twinkle still hadn’t left Renlyn’s eyes. “If you swear to rest for a week.”

The patient stuttered to life, “But how? What-”

“You will simply have to trust me, my friend.”

Tobias wrinkled his nose, but said nothing.

He still didn’t know Renlyn well enough to understand the multiple games she was playing.

The games she was playing and winning.

“Goodbye then,” Renlyn clasped her hands behind her back. And yet, despite her farewell, remained planted where she stood.

Tobias and his patient exchanged a look. There were many things to be done around the temporary clinic, it would be foolish and inconsiderate of Tobias to toss aside Renlyn’s quiet offer to help.

“Ah, there’s many patients who need water, if you wouldn’t mind helping them,” Tobias said, and then he looked at his patient’s wet shoes. “And if you could spare a-”

“Pair of boots?”

“Yes, actually. These ones aren’t suitable, they’re soaked and worn full of holes.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Renlyn tipped her head, and retrieved the discarded boot.

Tobias flashed a bright smile at his patient. “Stay here for a little while longer and rest.”

“Sir, I- ah, thank you,” the patient shifted. “But it’s a lot to ask me to go on blind faith. The nobles aren’t exactly. . .”

“Kind?”

“Exactly.”

There was something stirring in Tobias's chest. Something hot and ready to fight. He heaved in a breath, knowing that this was a deciding moment.

He was deciding that yes, he did trust Lady Renlyn Karise.

“I can promise you that Lady Karise doesn’t go back on her promises,” he held a hand over his heart. “I suppose that’s why she doesn’t make many of them.”

“Then I’ll take your word for it, Lord Tobias.”

“It’s alright, I try not to throw my title around while I work, sir-”

What a fool. Tobias had never asked for his patient’s name. He hadn’t expected to get so involved in his patient’s life.

“Derforgall,” the patient flashed a grin. “Calagan Deforgall.”

“Any relation to Alistair Derforgall? One of the king’s knights?” Tobias scratched the back of his head, curious about Derforgall’s answer.

He nodded. “Alistair is my son.”

“He’s a good man, I’ve heard a lot about him.”

A smile crossed Derforgall’s face. “I couldn’t be more proud of Alistair, he’s my oldest son, and he does what he can for us. It’s not much, and I don’t expect him to provide for me while I can still work. He’s too foolish in trying to give us things. My wife, she, ah, she has a habit of kindness. Alistair learned that from her, and I take pride in knowing he is in a place to use that kindness for good.”

Tobias caught himself nodding. Kindness was perhaps the most valuable currency in the realms. There wasn’t much of it following the Avenian War.

But many people were trying to prove otherwise.

And Tobias would do all that he could to contribute.

The temporary clinics remained standing well into the evening. Tobias, Mott, Renlyn, and the others had their hands full with various different tasks, varying into all sorts of forms. Renlyn brought water, Mott helped with settling rambunctious patients, and Tobias patched up as many people as he could.

And to top it all off, Derforgall got a new pair of boots.

However, Renlyn was nowhere to be seen when he was given the boots. In fact, Tobias didn't see her until Derforgall had left, promising that he would rest for a week.

He didn't bring up her promise to Derforgall until they were dismantling the canopies.

"That was very kind of you," Tobias noted as he untied part of the canopy.

Renlyn made a face. "I don't see why it has to be discussed. Many people would do the same."

"Some people argue that it's in man's nature to be kind," said Mott from the opposite end of the canopy. "Shows that you're human, Lady Karise."

"Shame, I was hoping that I was secretly a fairy for the longest time."

"You sure do look like a fairy," chipped in a new voice. Lord Feall was watching from his position on his horse.

No retort came from Renlyn, she only scowled and continued untying parts of the canopy.

"Lord Feall!" Tobias grinned. "What brings you here?"

Feall waved his hand, "I was in the area, just completed patrolling the upper streets. Missed

helping you lot earlier today, I figured I could make up for it by assisting with the cleanup."

"You have a height advantage, mind grabbing the center of the canopy?" Mott gestured to the aforementioned spot, which was threatening to drop into the cobblestone street and dirty itself.

With a nod of his head, Feall slowly walked his horse forwards, grabbing the center of the canopy. He held it up with both hands as Tobias, Mott, Renlyn, and another attendant scrambled to untie the canopy.

Tobias held his side of the canopy as high as he could, and instructed the others to go to Mott's side. Mott, catching on, began to roll the canopy.

It was all rolled up and stored within a matter of minutes.

They repeated the process for multiple canopies; Tobias profusely thanked Feall for his assistance, to which Feall responded that it wasn't him who needed to be thanked, it was his horse

On the third canopy, Tobias once again mustered the courage to speak to Renlyn.

He could no longer deny his curiosity.

“Lady Karise, I-,” Tobias began.

“My name is Renlyn, you’re allowed to call me that.”

“Right, ah, Renlyn? You promised Derforgall he’d be taken care of.” He paused, untied the string before him, and continued. “You never specified how he’d be taken care of.”

“I didn’t realize I needed to,” Renlyn frowned at the post in front of her. She glared at the other assistant who’d been looking at her. “I have many ties.”

“To what kind of people, Lady Renlyn?” Mott chimed in, his own eyes glued to the post before him.

“People who have more of an ability to take action.”

“I have many reasons to distrust you, but I’ll take your word for it.”

“Is that because I’m a woman of business, sir Mott?”

“Partially, yes.”

Feall cleared his throat. “You can’t be too harsh about the stereotype. Renlyn has proved herself to be as unpredictable as the weather in late summer.”

“First I am a fairy to you, and now I am a storm with human skin,” Renlyn narrowed her eyes at Feall. “Am I something pretty to look at or something you fear?”

“Is it wrong of me to say both?”

Once again, Renlyn had no biting retort, and instead continued with freeing the canopy from the posts it was tied to.

“I believe Lady Karise,” Feall said as a small smile flitted across his face.

“Thank you, I suppose.”

“Right, ah, uh,” Tobias stuttered. “I think we should go to the Dragon’s Keep once we’re finished. Roden says there’s a new series of pastries we need to try.”

“I haven’t got anything planned,” shrugged Feall. He then looked to Mott and Renlyn. “What about you two?”

Renlyn tilted her head from side to side. “I’ll make that choice once everything is cleaned.”

Tobias tried to suppress his grin.“And you, Mott?”

“Haven’t got anything better to do.”

The thought of pastries split between his friends warmed Tobias's sore back. The work went much quicker, and Feall provided many insights on how to correctly weave a lattice for a pie. In turn, a debate sparked between Feall and Mott about which type of lattice was superior.

It didn't take long for the conversation to grow heated enough to make Renlyn crack a grin.

Altogether, Tobias decided that he'd had a victory over the day's passage. He'd managed to set up and take down the canopies in less than a few hours, stitched up several patients, helped a good man, and even managed to see Renlyn grin at the ground.

If there had to be a loss, it was because Mott argued that a pie lattice was much better over the pie crust in general, ensuring there was more pastry to eat.

Seeing the pie filling guarded by artfully placed dough was always a positive in Tobias's eyes.

With the supply wagons slowly headed back to the castle, Tobias decided that it was appropriate to make their way to the Dragon's Keep.

A sweet, warm pastry was calling his name, he simply knew it.

Feall fell into place beside Renlyn, and Tobias found himself squished in the middle.

Even Mott was in oddly cheerful spirits.

Unintentionally, they all pressed together as they passed one of the dark entrances to the ever mysterious Vaults.

Pastries were the goal, not an agonizing death in a place that rivaled the Devils' Lair.

Days later, Tobias would wonder what would've happened if they'd never decided to get pastries.

The attack came out of nowhere.

Nothing could've warned them about the cloaked bandits launching themselves out of hidden crevices.

They poured out from alleyways, from doorways and from windows.

Mott and Feall reacted much sharper than Tobias did. They faced outwards, keeping the unarmed Tobias and Renlyn safely sandwiched between them. Hooded heads surrounded them all.

One stood out from the rest.

Patched cloak.

Shorter than the others.

"Get his sword!" Bellowed the figure in the patched cloak.

Tobias was able to put the pieces together the second his mind calmed down.

The shrieking figure before him was a Faola. A fugitive Tobias had managed to trust. Had managed to talk his friends at court into trusting.

And here they were, abusing that trust.

“If we make enough noise, Captain Harlowe will come,” Mott said firmly, he’d dug the ball of his foot into one of the cobblestone crevices.

“This place is empty,” explained Feall. He jerked his head towards one of the buildings, “How else would they have gotten here?”

“I still think if we make enough noise, we can-”

“Get his sword, Devils have you!” The Faola barked, gesturing to Feall. When it became evident that nobody wanted to go near him, the Faola began to approach. “And get a rope. They can’t take us, we have higher numbers, we’ll hold the-”

“We’re not supposed to touch nobility,” mused another Faola. This one was short too.

“I don’t-”

“You should care,” Feall argued back, swiping at the Faola approaching him. “It’ll destroy your reputation here. And you don’t want that now, do you-?”

Tobias flinched as Feall’s sword met the Faola’s.

“You will speak when spoken to,” growled the Faola.

“Aren’t you speaking to me now?”

“I will get the captain myself!” Roared the other Faola, he drew his sword. “You’re putting us all at risk for something we don’t even stand for!”

“There is no-,” grunted the Faola fighting Feall. He swung at him again. “There. Is. No. ‘We’!”

“This is madness!”

“This is accomplishing a goal more important than keeping the peace!”

The second Faola wasn’t convinced. “Get the captain. You two, down the main road, you two up the low, and you two up the high-”

The cloaked Faola suddenly stopped fighting Feall, and hurled himself at his fellow bandit, taking the second Faola completely by surprise.

It was entrancing. Absolutely captivating.

Feall lunged forward to attack the cloaked Faola while he was distracted. However, the Faola predicted his move, and spun out of the way, leaving Feall’s sword to clash against the second Faola. The pair exchanged several blows before Feall realized he was attacking the wrong opponent.

The cloaked Faola continued his odd dance. Always spiraling away at the last moment. Always putting himself in the crosshairs and yanking himself free before he was hit.

Mott grabbed Tobias by the wrist, and yanked him as far away from Feall and the fight as he could. Renlyn lithely stepped away, her pale hands clenched into fists.

The Faola who’d been told to find Roden had long since ran in their appropriate directions. The others remained.

They didn’t contribute in any form, they only stood like hooded judges watching a trio of cockroaches fighting over a crumb.

“You don’t know what you’re doing!” Yelled the Faola fighting beside Feall.

“On the contrary!” Retorte the other as he once again spun out of reach. “I’ve been plotting this for ages!”

Feall nearly managed to swipe at his opponent’s middle, but his sword only met open air as the Faola melted into the crowd. He instantly stood tall, looking for his missing foe. “What is his name?”

“I don’t- I don’t know,” the Faola panted. “I-”

A blood curdling howl interrupted the short conversation. Tobias’s gaze was drawn to the shrieking, but all he found was that unbreakable line of Faola.

The distraction worked all to well.

The cloaked Faola materialized out of the crowd, just behind Feall and the other Faola.

Tobias looked away as the cloaked Faola brought the hilt of his sword crashing down on the other Faola’s head, knocking him unconscious.

Feall barely managed to block a blow aimed at his neck.

Another harsh clap of metal meeting metal shattered the air, followed by another, and another, and another. Mott held his ground, and shifted his way to best defend Tobias and Renlyn.

It didn’t seem like Feall was trying to overpower the Faola, or at least that’s what Tobias was trying to believe. The shared blows were much too short. Feall parried each one of the Faola’s advances, and did his best to push the Faola’s blade out of his grip.

A second Faola joined in trying to dispatch Feall, followed by a fourth.

Mott knelt before the fifth Faola, and put his hands behind his head. He then motioned for Renlyn and Tobias to do the same.

Was this really happening?

It was difficult to wrap his mind around it. They’d all been walking in a straight line to get pastries, yes, but the atmosphere changed. Tobias screwed his eyes shut. The swords hitting against each other over and over and over again pounded in his head.

Pounding, pounding, pounding.

Saints.

All he wanted was to go home.

This was only a bad dream.

Unfortunately, when Tobias cracked his eyes open, he and Mott were being guarded by a few of the Faola.

How much time had passed.

“Keep your eyes down,” Mott muttered. “They’re not here for us.”

“How do you-, oh,” breathed Tobias.

The Faola in the patchwork cloak.

The one fighting Feall.

That had been the Faola who’d led the attack in the woods.

Oh, oh saints.

Tobias had allowed for this to happen.

He couldn’t bear to watch as the clashing of swords grew faster, faster, faster.

He couldn’t bear to watch because he knew that Feall had no chance fighting off three of the Faola at once.

And it was all his fault.

Just out of the corner of his eye, Tobias could see the fight. He watched it just as he’d watched the snow falling lazily to the earth just months before. Ever so slow, ever so graceful. Sword hit sword, Feall dodged, all three Faola took a turn kicking at him. Feall tumbled to the ground. His hands and feet were pinned down. The cloaked Faola raised his sword high above his head.

They were watching an execution.

Unable to watch the scene any longer, Tobias turned his head, hoping that Renlyn would offer him the slightest shred of comfort.

But she was nowhere in sight.

All at once, everything came back to speed.

With a roar, Mott threw all of his weight into the nearest bandit, stealing his sword in the process. Tobias frantically looked for Renlyn, for Feall, for a way out, but he saw nothing.

Everything was rapidly filling with chaos.

The Faola, once so serene in their judgement, were fighting soldiers dressed in blue and gold. A tall man hacked through the crowd, bodies falling as he did so.

It seemed that Roden saved the day after all.

And all Tobias could do was watch.

Watch as the Faola tried to keep a protective circle around their patched friend.

Watch as they slowly ran for the shadows.

Watch as Feall scrambled to his feet, Renlyn holding a glittering dagger not far from him.

Watch as Roden demanded to know who was responsible, and be pointed to who was responsible.

The hood was torn off, revealing a young woman with scarlet hair.

Words were being said, but Tobias didn’t hear them.

He’d covered his ears to block out the sounds of unnecessary deaths.

“Tell me everything you remember,” Roden said gently, leaning ever so casually against the fireplace in his office.

Renlyn, Mott, and Tobias all sat in comfortable chairs, and each had their own mug of something warm. Feall was being looked over by the royal physician.

Tobias was still reeling from the attack.

Still trying to put the pieces together.

They’d been walking to get pastries, passed the Vaults, nearly made it to the Dragon’s Keep, a horde of Faola appeared out of nowhere, they attacked Feall but left the others alone, and the perpetrator was arrested.

He’d been told her name was Ayvar, and she was vehemently denying her involvement.

Clearing his throat, Mott told the story. Details fell from his mouth, but Tobias wasn’t listening.

Tobias had seen the entire scene on his own.

Too much blood and anger in one place.

“-there was a promise made,” Roden explained. “Jaron swore we would take care of the Faola if Feall allowed us to.”

“The attack was rushed,” Mott said.

“I know, there’s much more Faola here than were there at the attack. I was on patrol just a few streets over, too. If they’d been planning this, they would’ve done something much more inconspil-inconsnipu- much more quietly.”

“Is inconspicuous the word you’re looking for?” Tobias provided, his ears finally clear of the sound of flesh being sliced open.

“Ah, yes, yes it is,” a deep blush spread across Roden’s face. “It’s been a long day.”

“I agree.”

Renlyn sat straight up. “Is anybody concerned by the fact that they didn’t actually hurt us three?”

“Very much so, actually,” Mott answered.

Spin, spin, spin.

Tobias had been fascinated by several different clocks Renlyn had brought to court to sell. He loved watching how the gears had taken on different shapes.

His mind was just like those clocks, except his gears had frozen up.

Renlyn’s observation spun them back into action.

Think, think, think!

Connect the dots Tobias!

“It doesn’t make sense!” He didn’t mean to stand up. Tobias kept his blanket draped over his shoulders, much like the philosophers of old. “There were too many of them, too many opportunities to slit our throats. I mean, we’re not the best fighters, no offense Mott, and one of the Faola was very adamant about not touching us. They didn’t use any- any- they didn’t hurt- they ah-.”

Mott’s voice brought Tobias back down to his feet. “Take a breath, it’s alright to take things slow.”

Take things slow.

Tobias began to drum his temples, “It doesn’t make sense that they’d leave us alone, but try to cut Feall’s head clean off his shoulders.”

“Beheading is punishment for treason,” Renlyn chirped. She made a face when all eyes flew to her. “What?”

“I’m only slightly concerned,” announced Roden. He was beginning to pace. “Maybe they’d been paid to kill him.”

“But there was an entire group there,” Mott pointed out, a scowl settling on his features.

“It’s quite possible that only one of them was singled out and paid,” Tobias said. “Roden, can I ask how you found out the Faola’s name?”

“I’ve met her before, in the Vaults. I didn’t think she was a killer.”

Thinking, thinking, thinking.

The dots were coming together bit by bit.

Tobias began to pace in the opposite direction of Roden. “Then maybe she was paid to do so.”

A single question lingered in the room. Mott was the one to give the question a voice. “Who would want Feall dead?”

“I’m sure several people would,” Roden answered. “I know there’s dozens of people who want me dead.”

“You grow used to it,” muttered Renlyn.

Used to people hating you so much they wanted you to die?

The prospect made Tobias frown.

He’d have to wait until he could talk things through with Amarinda. He’d be able to see and hear all the details then.

Put them all together and listen to what Amarinda had to say.

There was more to this than just an attack on Feall.

Tobias refused to believe the attack was simply based in money.

You don’t attack a man out in the open with the captain of the guard nearby. Unless you were a fool.

No, this had to be a warning.

A storm of blood and bone lingered on the horizon.

And it was coming all too soon.

#tobias #mott #ocs #fic friday #fic Friday except its a sunday #again #also uh #this was a blast #I had to do two today because I couldn't resist and I really like angsty stuff #yeehaw #the ascendance series #the false prince #the runaway king #the shadow throne #the ascendance trilogy

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mehenxe · 4 years ago

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◈ ◈ ◈ ◈ & ღ & ♫ bc ur a slut for music ; & ✮ (i want explanaTIONS ...gET META W THIS SHIT )

◈ — share some head-canons you have for a muse of your choosing, but x4.

[ elijah kane ] ◈ — all efforts to get him into studying how to make robotics like hyacinth have resulted in a lot of miniature woodland creatures able to sprint across desks. it’s not exactly what anybody had in mind, but hey, you never know if ilya might not want to send in an actual animal for something he has going on. they can call up sugar kane industries ( big face-palm here ) to take care of the job. ( wyatt voice: seriously, you couldn’t think of anything better than sugar kane. ) / hyacinth kane has a nice ring to it. elijah has tested out several different nicknames: sugar kane also for them, mistah k, ( missus k? ), cinthy ... cindy ... ( sean: yeah! cindy k! like cindy crawford! / who the fuck is cindy crawford? / wyatt — / how old are you. ) / he’s had a life-long dream to be able to go scuba-diving off the coast of — some exotic island he can’t remember the name of. beforehand, it was one of those things that he was too afraid to do, but full-out war changes your perspective. in truth, he’s always been a water baby, growing up going swimming in the local rivers and running pellmell down the dirt lanes. he grew out of it, and then grew back into it. whether or not he’s going to be able to do that without monroe tagging along ( and then by default, ilya, and then probably hojin will want to come, and then ravi will have to, and then oliver will want to watch over them and then jinho will buy a whole yacht with his dumb vampire money — ) — ah, well, there’s worse people to spend an extended holiday with. his father will come along too: sit on the deck in a lawn chair and drink a virgin margarita as he deserves after putting up with this whole extended family. and with his son being a you-know-what.

[ alice bedi ] ◈ — there was a time where she was interested in wigs. she had percival sit down on her shack’s bed and watch as she perused through at least fifteen different styles of wigs. each one got a firm head-shake: too rough on your complexion; lilac looks good as a colour, but the style is horrid; why did they think it was a good idea to make a bob that length? a tough customer. she returned back to wearing veils, her preferred style being that of mantilla, or the veil that’s worn to chapel over a jade comb. due to the volume and length of her natural curls, she rarely wears the combs at all, but will if it’s a particularly formal occasion, like that time she accompanied percival to a ‘high-society event.’ ( translation: they crashed a party because he was bored, and she had a bad feeling about him going alone. ) / as the local librarian’s assistant, she’s the first to get in the way when someone is overtly curious: why are you asking so many questions? hmm? the irony is that she herself asks just as many questions — she insists that the difference is: she reads the room and knows when it’s inappropriate to ask them. ( and if she knows it’s inappropriate to ask them, and instead chooses to risk asking them regardless, it’s because she knows it’ll smooth out in the end. / despite what she wears daily, one of her most favourite colours is moss green. there are a multitude of reasons. moss is her favourite foliage. it’s similar to algae, another favourite foliage. and it reminds her of someone who she says is her sister; however, anybody who knows her, knows that she has no blood-siblings. one or the other might be a lie, or both might be the truth. when she’s in a mood, she’ll smear the moss at the base of her neck like a perfume, a splotch of green beneath white.

[ huang shen ] ◈ — he designed an irrigation system to work, specific to his farm, to be able to make rice paddies despite the surrounding environment. it’s a southern crop in the united states, but there was no way he was going to move to the south just to expand the business. his entire family was so relieved about it that they danced through the sprinklers and set off fireworks — and none of them are really into that kind of thing. it’s particularly incredible due to the area they’re in, being very prone to sometimes too much drought and too much rain, and both are responsible for driving out selling numbers of crops. his plan is to switch into an agricultural degree, and perhaps even expand it into engineering, so that he can continue helping this way. / one of his surprises for algernon was learning sign language. for the longest time, months even, shen made it out like he had no idea what was being said, and let damien, as surly as ever, be the translator when algernon was unwilling or unable to speak. in the background, however, he was working with a tutor and seeking to understand better what it meant to be both HoH and mute. then, when algernon’s birthday came around, everyone went silent ( holy god he was so nervous ) and he gave an entire romantic, long speech entirely in sign language. he’s sure that some of it got lost in translation due to how hard his hands were shaking, but the way that algernon kissed him afterwards, it didn’t seem to affect much. now, they communicate constantly on this even ground. / he’s started up horseback riding again — and has roped tobias into doing it alongside him. tobias might have grace on the stage floor, but certainly not on the back of a horse; he somehow ended up upside-down beneath the horse’s belly, and then fell down in a tangle of limbs. shen has taken to the western side of things, re-learning how to barrel race and rope cattle; but he and tobias have had to separate their lessons due to these antics. lucas isn’t allowed to come to any of them; his stupid remarks send them into fits of laughing. ( bold of us to assume he doesn’t just sit in the truck and shout anyways. )

[ deok bae ] ◈ — due to the empire no longer supporting his upgrades, nor looking in his general direction, he has had to find other ways to obtain new modifications. this is including, but not limited to, going and pulling them out of other people’s bodies as catharsis — but usually, he defects to yuri and silas to fix him up. to his chagrin, the LED-light in his forehead has absolutely no use whatsoever, only displaying his brain’s processing as a symptom of installation. he pulled it out himself via the tip of a knife’s blade. the next time that he’s seen by those who haven’t seen him in quite some time, he might be unrecognisable. i am not deok bae — perhaps deok bae is no longer himself either. if there was no connection to eli in his head, he would forget that; perhaps he would merely succumb to the machinery, perhaps he would succumb to the wolf-dom. there are several pairs of teeth in his mouth awaiting for their moment to bite. / when he was a teen, his version of ‘sneaking out’ would be to wheel his chair to the gardens at the back of the temple, where he would sit and think for hours and hours. his father would come and find him there; sometimes, master jhcor would instead. his father would return him back to where he needed to be, but master jhcor would sit beside him and gaze serenely until bae felt the need to speak what was on his mind: his angers, his fevers, his rages. one time, he was surprised to see that it was not master jhcor, nor master deok, but zan coming to sit with him. his heart had sat in his throat the whole time, half-expecting zan to laugh at him or say something particularly piteous. instead, the conversation was — well, looking back, absurdly normal, all things considering. when bae blinked tiredly, zan rose and took the handles of his chair and took him back. he hadn’t intended to ask him to do so, but it was done anyway. / bae drinks a lot of soda. it’s somewhat fitting, if you believe all that talk about how coca-cola can double as a cleaner due to the high carbonation and way it’s made. he does seem to get shiny after several cans — it’s also convenient that he can’t experience sugar-highs nor malfunctions of the liver or stomach due to too much consumption. he considers himself to be a soda connoisseur as a result. he offers a lot of hmm, that’ll taste disgusting comments that annoy the shit out of the others — but then kisung takes a drink and bae ends up being right, so there’s no regrets.

ღ ━ favourite canon ships for your muse(s). are there any you dislike?

there’s ... none that i dislike. there’s moments of come on, but that’s bound to happen. i think the favourite ships are the ... guardian / princess vibes ( whether it’s literal or not: akane / the samurai, quinn / sehrin, jian / elaine ). i also love the growing from previous immaturities towards each other ( grey / tobias, jihoon / wyatt, playboy / jordan ) — and himbos of course ( hojin / ravi!! ) there’s also the whole ... tsh, vampiric aesthetic that we get ( minzhe / yongha ) ... the ones like jisoo / mingfei, cyrian / ulysses, cadoc / pestilence ( exploring violence against but without the stickiness ). of course, if i keep going, i’ll end up listing all of them and then where would we be.

♫ ━ a small playlist for a muse of your choice

for nam jungsoo, because i actually once did make a playlist for him:

1. brand new — sic transit gloria ... glory fades 2. within temptation — what have you done 3. iamx feat. imogen heap — my secret friend 4. florence + the machine — shipwreck (the odyssey) 5. crown the empire — hologram

i mean, the songs are still kinda relevant considering his current character ...

✮ ━ top three favourite muses that you’ve played

but is it possible to pick three favourites ... that’s the real question. maybe. jianguo, because of catharsis, because of cultural exploration and similarities. grendel, because of the depth, the personal torment, the surrounding family. jinho & julius, because of exploring that darkness. and famine — man, now that’s something. there’s a lot more than three though. like blood and jisoo and tobias and arthur. but. the questions INSIST THAT I CHOOSE.

#mr: mine #moonbeam tag #v: we are engraved in our hearts

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path-of-my-childhood · 5 years ago

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Behind The Album: Taylor Swift’s 1989

By: Paul Zollo for Medium Date: February 12th 2016

[Excerpts]

What follows is a collage of answers from songwriters, producers, engineers and musicians who worked on the album, as well as from the artist herself.

Imogen Heap (co-producer/co-engineer): “We met at my studio in London. She had the bare bones of “Clean.” She had the lyric, the chorus and the chords. I thought it was brilliant. I was really writing the tiniest amount just to help her do what she does. I put some noises to [“Clean”], played various instruments on it, including drums, and anytime she expressed she liked something I was doing, I did it more. It was a really fun day.She recorded all her vocals [for “Clean”] during that one session. She did two takes, and the second take was it. We always thought she would probably re-record it, because we thought it can’t possibly be that easy. But after we lived with it for a few months, we felt it was great. I knew she loved [“Clean”]. She said she loved it and her mum loved it. But I wasn’t sure it would be included on the album. But everyone felt it had something special. It came together really magically. Taylor is a force of nature.”

Taylor Swift about “Clean” and working with Imogen: “I had this metaphor in my head about being in this house, there’s been a drought but you feel like there’s a storm coming. Instead of trying to block out the storm you punch a hole in the roof and just let all the rain come in, and when you wake up in the morning, it’s washed away. [On working with Imogen] The coolest thing about Imogen for me was that there was no one else in the studio. There was no assistant; there was no engineer. It was her doing everything.”

Niklas “Nikk” Ljungfelt (guitarist): “I played on “Style,” a song I started with Ali Payami for ourselves. He was playing it for Max Martin at his studio; Taylor overheard it and loved it. She and Max wrote new lyrics. But I recorded the guitar on it before it was a Taylor song. It was an instrumental. I didn’t have a clue that Taylor would sing on it. The inspiration came from Daft Punk and funky electronic music. Taylor liked that a lot when she heard the song the first time. [She was] taking a big step from the music she had done before.”

Taylor Swift about “Blank Space”: “Blank Space” was the third thing I played [Max and Shellback]. And they [said], “No, this is the very first thing we are working on today!” It’s a very sparse track. We just wanted it to be about the lyric and the vocal.

Mattias Bylund (string arranger): “We were listening to a mix when Max Martin came in and said that he wanted me to listen to [some songs]. We got to hear “Shake It Off” and “Wildest Dreams.” We immediately realized these were going to be future hits, and I was really happy to get the mission to arrange and record strings on “Wildest Dream.” I recorded them in my home studio in Tuve, Sweden. The Mellotron notes through the song were there, and the staccato strings in the chorus, those I dubbed with real strings. I added some big chords and a build-up in the bridge. On the choruses I recorded Coldplay-type rhythm chords.“

Jonas Thander (saxophonist): “I recorded alto and tenor sax [for “Shake It Off”] at my studio in Sweden. Max had recorded some MIDI horn ideas for me, and I came up with my own parts. It had no vocals when I did my part. I recorded all my horn parts, and then overdubbed other players, and edited it in a 10-hour overnight session. Sounds like a lot but I’m really picky. Then I did it all over again after the next recording day. But I love it, so no real harm done on me. People think it’s a baritone horn on the [“Shake It Off”] intro, but it’s a Mellotron. The first time I heard Taylor’s vocals was when the song was released. It sounded amazing. Those guys really know what they’re doing.”

Taylor Swift about “Shake It Off” mellotron: “The Mellotron was really helpful for us in coming up with sounds. Sometimes we later replaced them with real instruments.”

Tom Coyne (mastering engineer): “My job was easy. Max Martin’s collaboration with Taylor Swift pretty much assured the album was going to be big, bold and beautiful. I mastered the whole album in two days. When working with professionals of this caliber, things go smoothly.”

Laura Sisk (engineer): “I worked with [producer] Jack Antonoff on three songs, “Out Of The Woods,” “You Are In Love” and “I Wish You Would.” It was just Jack and I in the studio for a lot of the tracking. Especially on “Out Of The Woods.” He and Taylor were collaborating long distance and would send ideas back and forth rapid-fire. The songs came together really quickly. There was a lot of excitement surrounding the music. When we got Taylor’s vocals for “Out Of The Woods,” I couldn’t stop listening to it. I love the chorus so much and when her background vocals kick in at the end, it brings this anthemic feeling to the song that you can feel even just a cappella.”

#TBT #1989 era #1989 album #quote #about taylor #taylor swift #laura sisk #imogen heap #producer #sound engineer #article #by taylor

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mist-over-water · 5 years ago

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Decade in Review.

2010.

One of the newest members in my group of friends began spreading lies about me, saying that I had been bitching about everyone behind their back. I hadn’t obviously, but they believed her, and in the space of a day, I had lost all of the friends I had made in my five years during high school. My first lesson of the decade: if I have something to say to someone, just say it!

I left high school, with one friend, whom I had had since primary school. I passed all of my GCSEs, and I began sixth form. I was part of the first year to attend this sixth form, and it was exciting to help work out the kinks, and I got to study two different types of English (language and literature), photography and sociology.

After my brothers’ girlfriend had suffered a miscarriage the previous year, she got pregnant again, and my twin nieces (Ellie and Layla) were born; they were premature, but oh so perfect, and changed my life, honestly.

I went to North Carolina, and spent my sixteenth birthday there, where I met my best online friend. I had an amazing time, and again, it was an experience that changed my life forever.

I stopped speaking to my dad, for many reasons; that’s such a long story, that now’s not the time.

My mum’s boyfriend moved in, and began a seven year story of abuse.

2011.

I met four of my best friends; they changed me so much for the better. WE shared some good memories, some of which I still cry reminiscing on to this day.

After getting scolded at sixth form, I actually began putting some effort into my A Levels, shocking my teachers at what I was capable of!

The friend I visited in America came to visit me in England for three weeks, though as none of us could drive, it was not half as exciting and action packed as my time in North Carolina! Sorry about that!

One of my best friends that turned my back on me in the previous year? I began speaking to her again, she is still my best friend to this day, and we began opening up about our struggles with mental health a lot more.

I began bulking my CV out a lot more, between work experience at my old high school, and volunteering at a charity shop and an art gallery, I barely had any time for myself!

I also began running a creative writing club at sixth form, which formed the basis of them beginning the creative writing A Level! One of my proudest achievements.

My mums dachshund got pregnant, and we kept one of them - my little dachshund/Jack Russell cross, Molly!

2012

My hard work paid off - I was the only one in my group of friends to get offers from all five universities I applied for! My first choice was University of Lincoln, and I moved 150 miles away from everyone I knew to study English.

I became a really shitty person. With the psychological abuse my mums boyfriend put me through, that friend who came to visit me, and I went to visit? I treated her awfully. I pushed her away on purpose, I hurt her so bad. I think about it every day, and every day I regret it.

I joined the Anime Society, and met a lot of great, fucked up people. I met people on my course. I met a lot of people, most I don't speak to anymore, but given half the chance, I'd welcome them back in my life with open arms.

I began drinking too much, like I don't remember much of my first year, I tried passing this toxic behaviour off as a personality trait. How wrong was I.

2013

A long story, but I got in my first 'relationship that wasn't a relationship', and he broke up with me at the beginning of the summer as he was finishing university, and I was only just beginning, and we lived on other sides of the country.

Upon reflection on things I ultimately regret, I made the decision to begin speaking to my dad again. He ultimately got married, in a wedding I was the only family member to not be invited.

I moved in with four gay people, and experienced the best parties I've ever been too, honestly. Though as housemates, they were insanely flawed.

I got into my first real relationship! He was psychologically abusive, took all of my money, nearly got me kicked out of university, made me lose all my friends, and... What a fella.

He raped me, five days before Christmas. I still suffer with trauma from this, but I'm not ashamed of it anymore.

2014

I attempted suicide. I broke my families heart and I promised my Nanny Gate that I would never hurt myself again.

I broke up with my boyfriend! To which my housemates took me out for drinks and a celebratory meal. They had no idea what had happened to me, but they knew he was bad news.

My dad forced my mum to sell my childhood home, forcing me, my mum and our abuser to move into a tiny two bedroom house, with seven dogs.

Another niece, Imogen, was born!

As well as drinking too much, I began trying drugs, trying to pass it off as a quirky part of my personality.

That friend that I visited in America, and she visited me in England? I began speaking to her again. Although we don't speak much, I could talk to her every day if I could. I'm so thankful that even if she didn't forgive me for everything I did to her, she put it behind her to rekindle our friendship.

I moved in with two of my best friends! Though by the end of the year, we would hate one of them. This happened all the places I lived during university.

I began dating a man I thought I would marry.

(Also, fun fact, I went on holiday to Walton-on-the-Naze that year, where I stayed at the same part of the caravan park @onetruejonsey lived with his girlfriend at the time, I got drunk, and got lost, and tried to get into his caravan! If that's not fate...)

2015

I got my degree without much effort, and I realised I've never really tried at anything. My dad and my boyfriend didn't attend my graduation, but mum and I had a blast.

For so many reasons, I fell out of love with my boyfriend, though he manipulated me into staying with him for almost a full extra year.

I got my first job as a Healthcare Assistant! But I quit as I saw too many residents being treated badly, and no manager or supervisor was interested in hearing my concerns. I done work experience at my old sixth form, trying to find an age group I'd like to teach, turns out older kids weren't that. But I did get a Christmas Temp job at EE.

2016

My boyfriend broke up with me, so angry that I had tried to break up with him and he had not let me, I got back with him just to break up with him. I am a pretty little bitch, honestly.

I went to Kenya with my mum, so we could complete our bucket list item of seeing giraffes and elephants in the wild. It was incredible, and made me reevaluate how lucky I am.

I got a job at B&Q, though my supervisors were awful, I made some good friends with other members of staff.

I planned to take my life at the end of April.

My Granddad Gate got there first, losing his battle to COPD just three days before I had planned to die. Seeing my Nanny Gate and mum, I decided to not go through with it.

While window shopping on Plenty of Fish, I met @onetruejonsey.

One of my friends from sixth form got me into trying harder drugs. I decided to stop speaking to her, I sometimes still get an angry text to this day.

Me, mum and our abuser got evicted from our house.

2017

@onetruejonsey's mum, knowing the situation with my abuse at home, offered for me to move in with them. We went to London for four days, and decided I should move in by the end of January, six months into dating.

I got a job with him and his mum at McDonalds, we were everyone's parents, and it was amazing.

I was discriminated against because of my mental health, and I gave a days notice that I was quitting. Someone else put in a formal complaint about how they had treated me, which made me feel a lot better about everything.

My Nanny Gate was hospitalised over Christmas, where she stopped speaking, eating, and drinking. Her three favourite things.

2018

@onetruejonsey and I experienced the worst argument I've ever had in a relationship; one of which I still think back to, to try and figure out what happened, and learn from.

My poor mum went off work sick for a broken foot and got evicted from her bungalow in the same month, meaning she had to go back to our abuser.

My Nanny Gate died, but my mum, brother and I were all with her when she passed.

This meant my mum had to pack my Nanny Gate's belongings as well as her own bungalow, the deadline for each was only a couple of days from each other. I moved back in with her for a month to help with this.

I was unemployed for five months, and after working so hard to get out of my overdraft during my time at McDonalds, I ended up with £5 in my bank.

With my Nanny Gate not around to say anything anymore, I began self-harming again. Though @onetruejonsey then made me promise to stop it, and I hate breaking my promises.

I got a job as a Housekeeper at Premier Inn, after my second interview. It was only a Summer job, and they tried so hard to fire me, but never found the grounds. After a teaching job fell through, I got my act together and became one of the best housekeepers at the site.

My fourth, and final niece, little Millie was born. With her ginger curly hair, my heart could have burst with love.

@onetruejonsey and I have a tradition to go to the zoo for my birthday, with my mum and nieces. Surrounded by them and giraffes, he got down on one knee and proposed to me! I cried so much, and so many people congratulated us. Even the guy who yelled "HAS SHE SAID YES YET" which makes me laugh everytime!

2019.

@onetruejonsey and I learnt to drive, and we brought our little car, Moss. We have plans to update him to a better car ASAP, but at the moment, I'm so in love with him that I can't bare the thought of getting rid of him!

After nearly getting our own flat, I can't imagine life without a dog. We decided to stay put with his parents, and save as much money as we can to buy a house. A house we will raise our children in one day, dog and bearded dragon included!

2018 was such a shit year, it took up until Summer this year to recover fully from it. When we decided to start planning our wedding. Of which we have booked 90% of everything.

I went on my twenty-first teaching interview, and after that rejection, I decided the universe was sending me a sign. I had not enjoyed any of my previous work experience, and I didn't enjoy working with the kids during interviews. I made a conscious decision that I would not pursue that anymore.

I was discriminated against at Premier Inn when I went into crisis with my menal health, the same day our hotel manager was visiting with an apprenticeship tutor. I spoke to her, and she offered me a job at a different site, where I would do housekeeping and reception, and an apprenticeship, and get a pay rise, AND one day becoming assistant hotel manager, but maybe at a different site.

My decade did not go as planned. I hoped to be teaching by now, but the universe has had different plans for me. A lot of bad stuff has happened to me, but that's karma I suppose. While at university, I spoke to a good friend, and we talked about how bullshit dream jobs were, and I made a promise to myself that I wanted to grow up to be unapologetically happy. So in this decade, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to work whatever job will pay me that I enjoy, I will come home to a fiance who loves me and I love him, we will have our wedding, we will buy our house together and drive in whatever car we can get, I don't care what it cost or how new it is, we will have our Bassett Hound and whatever little pets we want, and we will one day have children together. And that child will be so loved, I will move mountains for them to never experience pain and hurt of the likes we have experienced.

#personal

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zoeygreensimblr · 5 years ago

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Soon You’ll Get Better (Episode 46)

I can feel a cool hand against my hot forehead, waking me from my fever induced nightmare.

"Zoey, it's Mum, you're burning up sweetie, Angus is going to take you to the hospital" My mother's voice says but that can't be her, she's in Brindleton Bay and I'm in the apartment in San Myshuno, or at least I thought I was. My body slowly starts to pull itself out of the sleep I fell into, I have no idea how long I was out for and the pain is intense, much more sharper than before. I feel like I'm going to vomit but I'm scared to move. I open my eyes, the room is lit only by the lamp on the bedside table, my mother is sitting on the floor beside the bed, she has a bucket on her lap. Had I already thrown up?

"Should I call an ambulance?" Angus asks my mother as he walks into the room with a wet face washer, he places it on my forehead to elevate my fever.

"I think so, I don't think she can sit up in the car, she's in too much pain" Mum answers him, she strokes my sweaty hair, trying to comfort me. I lean forward and she brings the bucket up to meet me.

"I'm sorry" I apologise to my mother, I hate being sick.

"Shh Zoey" She whispers to me. I close my eyes but can still hear everything going on around me, Angus is on his phone, calling for an ambulance.

"She's complaining of lower abdominal pain, she has a fever and has been throwing up for the last half hour....Zoey Amelia Green...6th January....she's 18 years old....around 53kg and she 159cm tall...ah her cycle started Monday, finished Thursday and she is on birth control and a low dose of anti anxiety medication ...10 minutes, ok, thanks" Angus rattles off my stats to the emergency services and ends the call, "They will be here in 10 minutes" He tells my mother.

"Good thing we moved her down to your sister's bedroom, it will be easier for them" Mum says. I'm in Imogen's room? When did they move me and why? I hear footsteps enter the room, I open my eyes to see that Tess is also here.

"I stripped the bed and scrubbed the rug" She tells Angus, handing him a fresh t-shirt, I can see the stain on the one he's wearing and I'm so embarrassed, I threw up on him and his bed. Great job Zoey.

"Thanks Tess, ambulance will be here in 10 minutes too, I'll drive you and I to the hospital and your Mum can ride in the ambulance with Zoey" Angus tells Tess as he changes into the fresh t-shirt and she nods in agreement.

When the ambulance arrived I was lifted onto a stretcher and wheeled out of the apartment, into the lift and down to the parking garage, I can hear Angus repeating to the paramedic exactly what he had told emergency services on the phone.

"I'm scared" I cry to Angus, he reaches over and holds my hand

"I know Princess but the hospital will find out why you're in pain and fix it" He tells me in a comforting tone but I can see the worry in his eyes,"Can you give her something for the pain?" He asks the paramedics

"We will give her morphine, that will help with the pain, she probably won't remember much after taking it though" The paramedic warns Angus and he's not lying, I don't remember anything about the ambulance ride to the hospital or how long I had to wait for surgery.

I woke up in a hospital bed, at first I was unaware of my surroundings, everything looked so unfamiliar. The sun was shinning in the window but I had no idea what time it was. I felt so groggy and my mouth was dry. My eyes begin to focus, I can see my Mum and Don in the hallway, talking to a short woman in a white coat and Angus is napping in a chair inside my room. There's an IV drip in my arm, attached to a machine that beeps every so often. I make an attempt to sit up but I feel too sore, not the sharp pain like before though. I pull back the blanket and lift my gown to find I have a small cut, held together by stitches on my right lower abdomen. They cut something out of me? I hope it wasn't something I may need like a kidney or my spleen. I look back out into the hallway, my mother and Don have gone somewhere with the short lady, I assume she is a doctor. My phone buzzes on the table next to the bed, I try to grab it to silence it so Angus doesn't wake up but I can't reach it. He opens his eyes at the sound of the second buzz and sees me trying to reach out.

"I'll get it for you baby" He says sleepy, jumping to his feet to pass me my phone, it's a text message from Tess asking if I'm awake yet, I reply to her.

"Can you pour me a cup of water?" I ask him, my voice is raspy and it hurts to talk.

"Of course Princess" He says, grabbing the plastic cup from the tray at the end of my bed and filling it with water. He uses the controls on the side of the bed to sit me up right and hands me the cup of water, I drink it quickly, Ive never felt this thirsty before, my mouth feels like it's covered in cotton balls.

"What happened?" I ask him after my third cup of water, I just can't seem to get enough.

"You had an appendicitis, that's why you were in so much pain and were throwing up" He explains to me as he strokes my hair

"I'm so sorry Angus, I threw up on you and your bed didn't I?" I'm so ashamed but he just looks at me a smiles

"Zoey it's not your fault, you were sick baby, you couldn't help it" He reassures me, he kisses my forehead softly.

"I should have gone to the hospital when you suggested it, would of saved myself a world of embarrassment" I say, feeling my face flush

"Well that's partly my fault really, I should have listened to my instincts, I knew it wasn't a stitch but you were so scared to go to a doctor and I didn't want to force you to do something you were not comfortable with." He admits, "When I came back into the bedroom though and saw your face was red and you were sweating, I knew something wasn't right, I called your Mum and told her what was going on and how I was going to take you to the hospital, luckily she and Don were having dinner in the city so they were only a 5 minute drive away, they picked up Tess on their way to the apartment and then Don went home to pack you a bag. I tried to wake you so I could get you to the car and that's when you threw up, so your mum and I showered you off and I carried you down to Immie's bed and grabbed a bucket, your fever was making you come in and out of sleep until the ambulance arrived" He tells me, worried look on his face. This is worse than I thought, my mother and my boyfriend showered me.

"She saw my tattoo didn't she" I ask him in a small voice, I would of liked to have kept it hidden from my mum for a bit longer, maybe until I was at least 30.

"She not only saw it but apparently you told her all about it on the way to the hospital when you were on morphine" He laughs. Kill me now.

"Shit. Was she angry?" I question him, like I've been caught doing something bad.

"Not really, she was more worried about you Zo" He assures me, "She said you were very entertaining in the ambulance though"

"What else did I say" I fret, what if I said something I shouldn't have?

"You told her you were going to marry me and we were going to have 6 babies" He laughs as I try to hide my face beneath the blanket.

"Stupid morphine" I scoff

"Yeah, stupid truth telling morphine" He says with a big smile on his face, he's loving this way too much.

Mum and Don came to see me not long after I had woken up, bringing the doctor along with them.

"Hello Miss Zoey, I'm Doctor Stalls" She greets me warmly, "How are you feeling?"

"A little sore but nothing like how I was yesterday" I tell her. My Mum walks over to the side of the bed and wraps me up in a hug.

"Thank goodness to Angus who jumped into action quickly" Mum says, turning from me to also hug Angus, "He's like Superman"

"Well the good news is that we've taken your appendix out, the bad news however is that you will be stuck in here for the next 3 days because we have to monitor you, we have you on an antibiotic drip so you don't get a post-op infection" Dr Stalls informs me and I nod. 3 days in here? I'm going to go crazy.

"What's the expected recovery time?" Angus asks the doctor

"Around 1 to 2 weeks, she will need help bathing and walking for a bit. No physical activity, no heavy lifting, just bed rest" The doctor tells him, she takes my temperature, fills in some stats on my chart and then leaves the room. I won't be able to go to the gym for 2 weeks or work, oh no, work, I'm meant to be there today

"Did anyone call The Cupcake Factory? I was due at work at 8 this morning." I start to panic

"Relax honey, Tess called your boss last night, she said to tell you that you can take off as much time as you need" Don reassures me

"And what about moving, I haven't even started packing yet" I stress

"Tess and I have you covered Princess" Angus tells me, "We can pack up your things and we have enough people helping us move, you just concentrate on healing". This is just the worst timing for me to get sick when we have so much to do and now I feel so helpless.

I had so many visitors while I was in hospital but Angus never left my side. Tess came in first, she brought me in gossip magazines, chocolate and flowers.

"You'd do anything to get out of going to the gym" She laughs as she hugs me.

"I'd rather do 3 hours of Boxercise than ever have to feel that pain ever again" I tell her.

"Be careful what you wish for baby" Angus says, grinning at us, he would love to have us do more Boxercise.

"So, if Zoey can't come to the gym for 2 weeks does that mean I can also skip?" Tess pleads with Angus

"You're under no obligation to come, I don't charge your group membership, I haven't since about your second week and your contracts are just a formality" He informs us.

"So I could have quit at any time?" I ask him, confused.

"You did quit baby, for 3 months" He reminds me, laughing.

"But I came back" I exclaim.

"And I'm so glad you did Princess" He says as he leans down to kiss my forehead

"Considering it took me 5 months from the date we joined to drag Zoey there, I think she's done pretty good, showing up 3 times a week and she doesn't even complain anymore" Tess pipes up and I go bright red, now he's going to know that we joined back in January but waited until June to do anything but he just laughs at us.

Tess opens her bag and presents me with shampoo and conditioner, I've never been so happy to wash my hair but I know I can't do it alone.

"Will you help me?" I ask her in a small voice, I hate feeling so helpless.

"I'd love to" She says, dragging the chair to the sink in the bathroom, she comes back for the plastic cup. Angus leans down beside me and I wrap my arms around his neck as he scoops me up, he carries me to the chair with Tess behind him pushing my IV drip. I sit back in the chair and Tess uses the cup to pour warm water on my hair, she squirts shampoo into her palm and works it into my hair, creating a lather, rinses it off and repeats the process, she then massages conditioner into my hair and scalp, it feels amazing and so relaxing.

"Can you grab me her comb from her beauty bag?" Tess asks Angus and he goes in search for my comb, finds it and presents it to Tess who then uses it to comb the conditioner through my ends before washing the conditioner out of my hair, I feel so fresh and clean. Tess wraps my hair in a towel. She goes digging through her bag again and produces a hair dryer.

"She thinks of everything" I tell Angus

"Well I knew Don wouldn't think to grab the essentials" She laughs as she plugs the dryer in and unwraps the towel, she blow drys my hair, giving it style again, not just a sweaty mess.

"Thank you Tess" I praise her, she's made me feel somewhat like myself again.

"Not done yet" She says, pulling her make up bag from her giant bag.

"You do realise I'm in a hospital bed Teresa? Can't really go out." I say, I appreciate her efforts.

"Just because you can't go out doesn't mean you can't have a date night" She says, smiling at me while she applies foundation to my face. It's only then that Ive notice that Angus left the room at some point.

"Where did Angus go?" I ask Tess as she starts working on my eyes.

"Smokey eyes or a do you want to play around with some colours?" She asks me, ignoring my question.

"Colours please" I answer her, getting distracted by her eye shadow pallet, 30 shimmery colours, she picks purple hues and blends them on my eye lids then finishes off with eyeliner. Tess has always been more creative with make up than I was, I usually just put on the basics and go but she contours and highlights, owns a dozen eye shadow pallets with all different colours. She finishes my make up and pulls a mirror from her bag to show me, she's done a fantastic job, I looks so glamorous.

"Now lets get you out of that hospital gown and into something a bit more Zoey-ish" She suggests, pulling my black dress, a bra and fresh underwear from her bag.

"I've never been so happy to see my clothing" I exclaim, "I love you T"

"Love you too" She says as she takes off my gown, she clasps my bra around me and pulls my dress over my head, pulls my arms carefully through the holes and adjusts it. I slide my panties off and she hands me the new pair to put on. She sprays perfume on my neck and inside my elbows just as Angus comes strolling back into the room, carrying a large brown paper bag that smells really good, making my stomach growl. All I've had since I'd been here was horrible hospital food so I'm hoping that bag contains something that doesn't consist of dry bread or jelly that has no taste.

"You look beautiful my Princess" Angus says as he lifts me up and carries me back to bed, he places me down so carefully, kissing me softly on the lips, "Are you ready for date night?"

"Well that depends on what's in that bag" I tell him, trying to pick what the delicious smell is that is wafting from the bag.

"Patients my love" He says, smiling brightly at me before turning to Tess, "Thank you for everything Teresa, you're a gem" He tells her, pulling her in for a hug

"Happy to help, I'd say get a room but we both know you won't be seeing any action for at least two weeks" She laughs before hugging me, "Have a good night Zoey, you deserve it"

"Thank you Tess, you're the best sister" I exclaim, how did I get so lucky to have such an amazing twin sister and boyfriend who work together to surprise me with a date while I'm stuck in hospital?

Angus unpacked the brown paper bag, inside were two large containers, he pulls the tray table closer to me and takes a seat on the side of the bed, opening a container to reveal a cheeseburger and fries. I'm in heaven.

"I love you" I announce, getting excited.

"Are you talking to me or the food?" He laughs.

"Both" I tell him, breathing in the wonderful smell of cheeseburger, "I love you Angus, thank you for doing this for me"

"I couldn't stand the thought of you having to eat that horrendous food tonight and I wanted to make tonight special for us" He tells me.

"What's so special about tonight, it's just another Saturday night" I ask him, curious about how this day is different to any other

"6 months ago today you kissed me at The Stargazer and I know we've been through so much since then and I had this whole night planned where I was going to take you out dancing and we'd eat something a bit more fancier than cheeseburgers but shit happens and as long as I get to celebrate tonight with you then I don't need any of that other shit" He says to me but I think he's forgetting one important point.

"What about those 3 months that we were not together?" I ask him, can we legitimately claim a 6 month anniversary when we were broken up for 3 of those months.

"Well in those 3 months all I wanted was you Zoey so in my mind we were always together, I'm happy to celebrate 6 months with my Princess. I know I caused our break up baby, I'm not trying to sweep that under the rug" He whispers to me, his head hanging low. I've ruined his moment.

"Happy 6 months anniversary my beautiful boy, I love you" I say brightly, I'm happy to pretend those 3 months apart never happened. He looks at me and smiles wide.

"I love you too baby girl" He beams, he's so cute when he smiles.

I finish off my dinner and he sets the containers aside, "Now Miss Green are you ready to play?" He asks me, the cheeky smile crossing his face

"No physical activity for 2 weeks" I remind him, how am I going to go that long without wanting to touch him all over?

"Get your mind out of the gutter Zoey" He laughs as he walks across the room and picks up a box, he sits the box on the tray table between us and takes the lid off to reveal a chess set, "I assume you know how to play?"

"Of course" I tell him proudly as I set up the chess board, "Tess and I play often, she makes me clap my hands whenever she has to go to the bathroom mid game so she would know I wasn't cheating"

"Did she cheat?" He asks laughing

"Oh yeah" I laugh, my sister always cheats at board games but I let her get away with it because we have fun playing.

I won 3 games of chess against Angus before he gave up and we packed the set away.

"Come lay with me" I ask him, moving over so he can slide in beside me, he wraps his arms around me and holds onto me.

"Please don't ever scare me like that again" He whispers to me, "I thought the worst sceneries when you were unresponsive"

"I won't, next time I will listen to my gorgeous boyfriend" I promise him and he kisses me.

"Tell me more about these 6 children we are having?" He asks me, I know he's trying to lighten the mood but I can't believe I said that to my mother and that she told Angus about it. Is nothing sacred?

"Please tell me I didn't say anything too embarrassing" I cringe, hiding my face on his chest

"You were cute baby" He says, stroking my hair.

"You saw too? I thought it was just my Mother that got to witness my drug induced ramblings" I exclaim, I wish I had just stayed in pain

"Aw baby, we've all said crazy things on drugs, you need to ask Immie about my meeting with Landgaarb, I was so high and had no control over what I was saying, Immie was trying to hold everything together but she tells me I gave her a good laugh. Bad thing is I actually remember most of it, you get the luxury of having no memory of anything you said" He tells me in a calming tone.

"I don't want to have 6 children" I state firmly.

"How many do you you want?" He questions me. It's not something we've discussed before, we've only ever talked about prevention.

"2, maybe 3, and I would love if they had thick blonde hair like their daddy and also his beautiful blue eyes" I tell him dreamily.

"I would want them to have your gorgeous face and your heart of gold" He whispers to me, I pull my head up from his chest and he leans down and kisses me soft and slow. Our kiss is interrupted by a nurse entering the room, she clears her throat loudly with the intention of getting our attention.

"Visiting hours are almost over" She tells Angus sternly, he lets go of me and slides himself out of bed.

"I'll see you tomorrow my Princess" He says before kissing my forehead, he gives the nurse a look of distain before he leaves.

The nurse checks my temperature and adds notes to my chart before she storms out of the room, leaving me alone with the beeping noises and the constant shuffling up and down the halls, I wish I was back in the apartment, snuggling into Angus as I fall asleep, hearing his heart beating in his chest, feeling his fingers stroking my hair. I close my eyes and try and block out the noises around me. I just want to go home.

#sims #sims 4 #ts4 #sims 4 city living #sims 4 get to work #sims 4 san myshuno #sims 4 story #sims 4 gameplay #simblr #love #lovers #chess #brindleton bay #don lothario #taylor swift

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probably-writing-x · 6 years ago

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High Society (Chapter 2)

~A Tom Holland AU Series~

Tags: @imarypayne @sunshine112 @sleepwalkingdragon @supernatural-girl97 @vibhati123 @butithasntkilledyouyet @faefictions @carisi-sonny @trap-house-homiecide @shamelessbookaddict

Inspiration: It's interesting to see how the other half live, how their perfect lives are pieced together by secret scandals. It's beyond anything you can imagine until you're a part of it. It's High Society. (Based on the Netflix series 'Elite')

Warnings: Mentions of murder, language warning

Notes: Wow! The love for chapter 1 has been insane, thank you so much. If you'd like to be part of the tags or ask any questions about this series, please send them through

~~~Wednesday 30th January 2019~~~

"And were you good friends?" The interviewer asks from across the wooden table. The low lumination of the interview room cast an intimidating shadow across her stern expression. You were thankful she couldn't hear how your heart was racing.

"Well, I'd only been at the school since September. I knew her in school but I don't think I knew her well enough to deem us friends," You admit, hands clasped tightly to stop them shaking, "I think there was a lot that we didn't know about her,"

"So, she had a lot of secrets," The woman confirms, not once breaking her focus on you, "Do you think they would give someone enough motive to kill her?"

"I don't think we can ever be truly sure of a murderers motives unless we're the murderer, Miss," You state, taking a moment to make certain eye contact with the woman opposite you.

"And how can I be sure I'm not talking to that person now?"

~~~Friday 7th September 2018~~~

"Oh come on, you're telling me there's nobody here you think is fit?" Noah groans, flopping down into the chair beside you.

"It's not really at the top of my priorities if I'm honest," You roll your eyes, taking a moment to look up from the book in your hands, "Are you saying it's in yours?"

"Well, I don't know," He shrugs exaggeratively, his eyes diverting to where Sam and Harry were huddled around a laptop. He hoped you hadn't seen him.

"The twins?" You raise a brow, watching him blush slightly.

"Not both of them," He hisses, jabbing you in the side, "And please don't tell anyone, I haven't told anyone here that I'm gay,"

"Well, that's understandable. You've only been here for a week," You point out, pressing the bookmark into your book and pushing it to the side of the desk you shared with Noah.

"I'm not sure I'm going to say anything, like ever," He mumbles, shuffling his chair closer to the table as if he wanted to enclose your conversation.

You don't respond, knowing that it would be better for him if you let him talk about it on his own accord.

"At our old school, that's all everyone labelled me as. That was like my definition. And I had to constantly remind people to keep it quiet from my parents who could be very easy to judge about something like that," He explains, "But, here, I don't have to be that. I can come out on my own terms, and not constantly be awaiting the day when I go home to my parents questioning me about it,"

"If that's what you think will make you happier and more comfortable, then I say go for it," You assure him, "Just, don't feel like you can't be yourself because of that,"

He smiles and squeezes your shoulder in a symbol of compassion, turning back to the desk in front of him.

"Is this what you're using for wider reading?" Lily's voice sounds from in front of you, picking up the worn book from the table and flicking her fingers through the aged pages.

"It's just a book," You grumble, feeling a sting of pain in your heart at the sight of her touch on one of your most prized possessions.

"It's not even a classic," She scoffs, tossing it aside and allowing the marker to fall along the tiled floor. Don't react. Don't react.

She takes her seat near Imogen and Harrison, a spare seat beside her as she awaited Tom's arrival.

He walked in shortly after and you made every effort to stop yourself from looking at him. You even avoided it as he shuffled past your desk, leaning down right in front of you.

"This is yours?" He tilts his head, looking at the childlike bookmark that he'd picked up from the floor.

You take it from his hands and don't manage to hide the furious blush burning up your cheeks, "Thank you,"

"It's endearing, I like it," He smiles, taking a seat beside Lily and already being greeted by her monsoon of affection.

"Alright guys settle down please," Mr Fitz, as you had learnt to call him, sounds from the front of the class, "I have a project for you today, it's going to develop over the course of the next term,"

"God please don't tell me it's a group project," Z groans, dropping her head into her hands.

"And, much to your excitement, you're going to be working mostly alone," Mr Fitz grins, flicking onto the next side of his PowerPoint presentation, "Before you complain, do take note that these grades are going to count towards the points for the Jordan Cup that will be presented to our highest achieving student at the end of this year,"

"The Jordan Cup? What the fuck is that?" Noah laughs, dropping back in his seat so he was now barely even sitting up.

Lily's head snaps around, "It's the most prestigious award you can achieve at this school. Named, quite rightly, after my father because of his extensive donation toward the upkeep of this school,"

"Thank you Lily," Mr Fitz nods, "It is awarded to one of our seniors at the Winter Ball, based on the amount of points accumulated throughout the year so far."

"And how do we get such points?" You question with genuine curiosity.

"It's based on your academic attainment, attendance and extra curriculars," He explains, "Every time you attend a sports session or take a visit to one of our facilities, it is noted and then totalled at the end of the competition."

"And who knows, you might even get a thanks for taking part award," Lily smiles at you with enough of a patronising tone in her voice to make you want to rip those dyed curls from her head.

"Anyway," Mr Fitz attempts to regain control, "The main idea of this project is discovery. I want you to come back at the end of term telling us something about yourself that people don't know. And I want you to tell me something about someone else here that we don't know. You could take part in learning a new skill, understanding your family history or even developing new friendships but I want this to be something about you that makes us see you in a different light,"

"A journey of self discovery, I'm inspired," Harrison announces sarcastically with a faked applause.

"Take it seriously, I'll be placing a heavy amount of thought into where points will be awarded," Mr Fitz warns, "Uncover some secrets,"

Everyone sits in an awkward silence for just a moment, all questioning what on earth they would do for such a silly project idea. They only erupted into chatter when Mr Fitz exited.

"So, (Y/N), what skeletons are in your closet?" Imogen wiggles her brows, all of their eyes focused on you.

"Nothing you'll ever need to know about," You mutter under your breath, trying with every part of you to not feel intimidated by them.

You could hear some muttering from that direction before you watched Tom shove Harrison in the direction of you and Noah.

"I'm having a party at my place tonight and there's an invite for both of you if you want to come," Harrison sighs, clearly not the one to actually want to give this invitation.

"I'll pass," You smile fakely, turning back to the work in front of you. Why did part of you want to go?

~~~Wednesday 30th January 2019~~~

"It seems you became quite a part of their society?" The investigator continues, her pen tapping in an uncomforting rhythm against the table.

"I was nothing like them," You are quick to answer, "But it's easy to get sucked into it when you're surrounded by that. And they weren't bad people,"

"Though bad enough to kill someone?" She frowns, "One of their classmates, in fact."

"I-"

"Tell me what happened at this party, (Y/N)," She encourages, "Harrison Osterfield hosted a party on the seventh of September and you were in attendance,"

"I didn't even want to go," You shake your head, looking down to your hands, "Z kept telling me I should and I gave in, I went,"

"And it was at this party that you found yourself in an argument with none other than Lily Jordan, what was that about?" She tilts her head, taking you right back to that stupid night.

~~~Friday 7th September 2018~~~

"Seriously this isn't my thing at all," You groan, wanting nothing more than to release yourself from Zendaya's grip as she pulled you towards the door to the grand house.

"Well, you've made a goddamn effort and we're not letting it go to waste," She laughs, swinging open the door and entering the party that already appeared to be in full swing.

This house was ridiculously grand. It was filled with items you didn't even want to know the price of and furniture that looked too good to be destroyed by cheap beer. It felt so strange to see students chattering around the house with actual glasses in hand rather than red plastic cups. With actual alcohol that people would buy from a menu instead of anything available on the shelves of a supermarket.

"Z! Let me get you a drink!" Imogen grins, dragging her over to the table.

Harrison was stood near there too and he noticed you as you walked in.

"You made it," He states, matter of factly.

"You can complain to Z about that," You point out, already feeling uncomfortable and regretting your outfit choice.

"Maybe I should thank her," He raises a brow, a smirk dancing over his pursed lips, "Looking like that, you'd be wasted at any other party,"

"Would Mrs Osterfield be impressed about those comments towards the new girl?" You try to divert the slightly mysoginistic comments, "Don't act like she's not the only reason you had to invite me and Noah,"

"She's letting me throw a party full of underage drinking," He comments, leaning down to you slightly, "She wouldn't dare say no to anything I said,"

"Well, I would, so if you'll excuse me," You give him a tight smile, gripping onto the material of your pastel blue jacket just a little tighter around you.

"(Y/N)," Tom's voice calls out and you instantly relax slightly, "I didn't think you were coming,"

"Well, I guess you don't know me as well as you think," You joke, "I'm very easily persuaded,"

"I'll take note of that," He laughs, "Can I get you a drink?"

You can't help but frown slightly, "Why are you being nice to me? From what I've heard you're a bit of a King at this school,"

"I'm not saying you're wrong, but I guess you might not know me as well as you think," He copies your line but he sounds so much more sure of himself than you ever did.

"Tommy!" Lily's voice rings out, hopping over to him and wrapping her arms around his neck, "Baby can you get me a drink please?" She asks, her eyes looking up at him through her long fake lashes.

He nods and leaves you two alone. It is only then that her demeanour changes and she swivels round to face you with a harsh expression on her face.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are," She starts, "You seem to have made quite the impression on Tom and I'm really not here for it,"

"For someone who acts like a princess around here, you're really having trouble trusting your prince aren't you?" You smirk. Somehow, she didn't faze you. Her intimidation was all an act.

She scoffs, bringing her face closer to yours, "Don't fucking talk to me like that. My Dad is paying for your scholarship to school, my boyfriend is best friends with the Principal's son, oh, and Tommy is my boyfriend."

"Back off Lily, you're making yourself look ridiculous," Z breaks a space between the two of you, "(Y/N)'s done nothing wrong. Don't be so pathetic,"

You were thankful she was there. It felt easier than dealing with Lily alone. Everyone was circling the pair now with you simply becoming one to watch now. Your eyes latched on to Tom's. His girlfriend was in the middle of an argument with another girl and he wasn't even looking; he was looking at you.

"Get out of my way!" Lily screeches, trying to get through the group that had formed so she could exit.

"Lily wait-" Imogen began, loyal enough to try to follow her.

"Fuck off Imogen!" Lily snaps, "You just stood there with the rest of them!"

The atmosphere dropped. Everyone went back to enjoying the party but the rest of you just stood there, exchanging awkward glances and becoming fearful of the tension on Monday morning.

~~~Wednesday 30th January 2019~~~

"Yeah, Zendaya stood up for me that night," You sigh, "Her and Lily clearly had problems between them but the argument was nothing serious,"

"I care more about Imogen. She was invited and didn't get involved in that,"

"No, she was there but she didn't say anything. But nobody really said anything," You shake your head. Damnit, your words were shaking now. She'd mentioned her name.

"And Lily was annoyed about that," The investigator confirms, "Do you think that started a tension between them?"

"Mayb-"

"Enough of a tension to justify killing her so-called best friend?" She tilts her head to the side, clearly thinking she'd made a breakthrough.

"From what I know, Imogen hadn't done enough wrong to justify what happened to her," You shake, feeling tears trembling in your eyes, "She was one of the good ones,"

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smilingformoney · 6 years ago

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It Lives Beneath Diamond Scene: Tour with Imogen

CHAPTER THREE

You: You know what? I’d love a tour. Imogen +10 Imogen: Of course you would! I’m only just the best tour guide in all of Pine Springs! You: I don’t know… Tom gives some pretty amazing tours. You have a lot to live up to. Imogen: Puh-lease. My tours can out-tour his tours any day of the week. You: Well, then. After you, my lady. Imogen: Follow me, group! Be careful not to get lost! You trail behind Imogen as she gestures grandly and explains details of the house. You keep an eye out for anything amiss, but it seems like the place has been entirely cleaned out. You: Hey, Imogen. Don’t you think it’s weird Ned was just in town yesterday, and now suddenly he’s selling his house? Imogen: I guess? I hadn’t thought about it like that.

You: Do you know… -What happened last night?

Imogen: Wh-what do you mean? Did something happen last night? You: Maybe. Where were you? Imogen: Um, let me think. Last night I was having dinner with my mom on Lakeview Boulevard. You: And after that? Imogen: We went home. And went to bed. Imogen: Why? What were you doing last night? You: Nothing. Never mind.

-Who moved Ned’s things?

Imogen: Pine Springs doesn’t have any moving companies, so… Imogen: Maybe Ned moved his things himself? You: The whole house? On his own? In one night? Imogen: I-I don’t know. When you say it like that it sounds pretty impossible. You: That’s because it is. Did anyone help him? Was anyone else here last night? Imogen: How am I supposed to know? I was out having dinner with my mom!

-When the house went up for sale?

Imogen: My mom got the call late last night, right before we went to bed. Imogen: She sounded pretty angry. Probably because of how short notice the house showing is. You: Do you know who she was talking to? Imogen: Well, I thought it was her secretary at first, but I heard her call them a man’s name. You: What was the name? Was it ‘Ned’? Imogen: No, it was something else… Imogen: Sorry, I can’t remember it right now. You: No, that’s okay. That already helps.

Imogen stops walking and turns to face you. Imogen: [Name], what’s going on? You’re being weird. You: There’s… there’s things going on that I can’t talk about. You: But I need to know I can trust you. Imogen: Of course you can trust me! You: Just tell me one thing. Imogen: Anything.

You: Tell me… -Who are the robed men?

Imogen: Robed men? What robed men? You: You really don’t know? Imogen: No! I literally have no idea what you’re talking about. You study Imogen closely. She meets your eyes with a sincere gaze… and you remember the way she reacted to Kyle’s death… You: Okay. I believe you. Imogen: Um, thanks…?

-Do you know if Ned had any enemies?

Imogen: No! I mean, I don’t know him very well, but I’m pretty sure everybody likes him… even if he does say some strange things… Imogen: Why? Did somebody hurt him? Is he okay? You study Imogen closely but her concern seems genuine. You: Sorry, I can’t tell you that right now.

You: Are there any rooms, any rooms at all, that haven’t been cleared yet? Imogen: No, everything was already gone when we came in this morning. Imogen: Oh, except the basement. But my mom told me not to go down there. She said it’s dangerous. You: Dangerous how? Imogen: It’s full of building materials and tools for the contractors or something. You: Which one’s the door to the basement? Imogen: But we’re not supposed to-- You: Imogen. Please. Imogen: You’re asking me to go against my mom, and you won’t even tell me what’s going on. Imogen: How am I supposed to trust you?

You: Trust me because… -There’s something between us. +Romance

You: I knew it from the second we met. And I know you can feel it too. Imogen: I-- Imogen stops and looks away, a blush on her cheeks. Imogen: You’re right. I… I like you. A lot. I thought it was just me. You reach out and take her hand in yours. You: It’s not. And I can’t wait to ask you out and really get to know each other. You let her hand go. You: But I need to deal with this first.

-Kyle’s death wasn’t an accident.

Imogen: W-what? You: We both know it. You saw how weird Kyle was acting right before he died. And as for me… You: …I know what I saw. Imogen: What did you see? You consider telling Imogen about the thing that grabbed Kyle… but you sense her hesitation, and quickly decide against it. You: I’m… not sure I’m ready to tell you that yet. You: The point is, there’s something seriously messed up going on in this town, and people are working very hard to cover it up. Imogen: You’re right. Kyle’s death wasn’t an accident, no matter what Chief Kelley says. But what are you going to do? You: I’m going to find out the truth and bring it to light.

You: I promise I’ll tell you everything as soon as I can. You: But for now, I just need a little faith. Imogen exhales a deep sigh, then smiles. Imogen: Okay, [Name]. But we have to be fast. If my mom catches us we’re dead. You: Thank you. You won’t regret this.

The basement stairs creak as you descend. Imogen clicks a light switch, and an old bulb flickers on. You: I thought your mom said there were building materials down here. Imogen: She did. There’s nothing down her but old junk though. Why would she lie? You: I don’t know yet. A reflection catches your eye. You move toward a small spot of something on the floor. You: Imogen… look at this! You kneel to examine a puddle of tacky liquid on the floor. It’s deep red. Imogen: Oh my god! Is that-- You: Blood. Imogen: W-Whose blood? Why would there be blood down here? You: I’ll tell you after I tell the police. But first I need to document this. Do you have… I don’t know, some cotton swabs and a plastic bag? Imogen: What, on me? You: Never mind. You fish out your phone. You: A picture of some blood on the floor isn’t the best proof, but it’s better than nothing.

POOL OF BLOOD -Take a picture.

Your camera flash throws light into every corner of the basement. Imogen: Hey, did you see that? You: See what? Imogen walks across the cluttered basement and shines her phone into a corner. The light glints off of something metallic. She picks it up. Imogen: It’s some kind of… key. You join her, and she hands it to you.

SKELETON KEY -Examine

You: Why don’t you hold onto it, Imogen? Imogen: Really? Imogen: Well… Okay. Just for safekeeping. You: Come on. Let’s get out of here before your mom finds us. ITEM ACQUIRED

You: Could you do me one last favour? Imogen: Sure, but only if you promise to do something for me. You: Oh, uh, sure. What? Imogen: Promise we’ll get to hang out together soon. Without creepy basements and weird blood. MC +2 You: I think I can manage that. Imogen: Awesome sauce. Now what’s this favour? You: Can you keep all this between the two of us for now? And don’t let anyone touch the basement until I get back with the cops. Imogen: Okay. But the next time we hang out, I expect to get all of the deets. You: You will. That’s a promise.

CHAPTER FOUR

You: Yes! Look at this. You pull out your phone and bring up the picture you took. Parker: Is that…? You: Blood. Parker: Where did you take this? You: At Ned’s house, this morning. The whole place was empty except for the basement. Parker +5 Parker: That’s evidence, all right. I’ll head over there later and look into this… You: But what about Chief Kelley? Parker: Off the books for now. You: Thanks. Parker: In the meantime, is there anyone you can think of who might have seen anything, heard anything?

You: Oh hey, before I forget, did you find anything at Ned’s houses? In the basement? Parker: No. It was clean. Even the basement was empty. I asked Astrid but she said she hadn’t found anything out of the ordinary. Parker: I’m sorry. You: It’s fine. I didn’t really expect you to find anything. You: It was lucky I even got a picture before those robed weirdos came back and finished the job. Parker: Hey. Maybe we’ll find something tonight. You: I hope so.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Imogen: You mean a key like this?

RECOGNIZE… -Skeleton Key

Imogen pulls the skeleton key from a discreet pocket in her dress. Tom: Is that…? Imogen: A skeleton key. A Cosmo girl never leaves home without one. Imogen slides the key into the lock. It resists turning at first but then unlocks with a satisfying click. Imogen +5 Imogen: Voi-la! MC +5 You: I knew that key would come in handy! Imogen removes the key and tries the knob. It turns easily. Imogen: Are we really doing this, you guys? Danni: We’ve come this far. I’m not turning back now. Tom: Whatever’s behind that door, Richie Rich does not want people seeing it. So that’s exactly where we need to go. Parker: Time’s wasting, people. [Name], whatever answers we find in there, they might not be the answers you’re looking for. Parker: Are you sure you want to do this?

You: Is it what I want? -It doesn’t matter.

You: Everyone is here tonight because they want answers, because they want to protect people, or stop bad things from happening. You: Even if we find nothing, that’s one more box we can check off our list. Tom: [Name]’s right. I’ve been investigating for a while, and even dead ends can help point you in the right direction.

-More than anything.

You: Ever since Kyle died-- no, since my parents died, I’ve wanted to find out the truth. You: Even if the truth is ugly, I need to know it. It’s the only way I’ll be able to sleep at night. Danni: [Name]’s right. Uncovering the truth is the only thing that matters.

Parker: Okay then. Let’s find out what Richard’s hiding. One by one you disappear behind the door and close it as softly as you can behind you.

You find yourselves on a balcony overlooking a dimly lit room panelled in expensive mahogany. You: What is this pl-- Parker: Shh! Get down! Parker drags you down into a crouch and you see the hooded figures surrounding the table below. Imogen: What are they doing? Tom: Being creepy? Slowly, they begin to chant. Cultists: O Numen Magnus, audi nos, da ad nobis vim, da ad nobis fortitudinem… Danni: Getting cult-y enough in here for ya, Parker? Parker: Shhh! As the chant continues, you notice the design emblazoned on the polished surface of the table.

RECOGNIZE… -Symbol on Cultists’ Table

Below you, the chant comes to an end. One of the figures steps forward. Cult Leader: Welcome, brothers. Power be with you all. Cultists: We are one with the Power. Cult Leader: Tonight we will be discussing several matters of extreme importance. Cult Leader: First, the successful suppression of the truth regarding the Garza boy’s death. Imogen: Aa-- You cover Imogen’s mouth quickly before she can cry out. The people below seem not to have heard her outburst and continue. Cultist: Thank you, Leader. It was a simple matter. The public does not want to believe his death could have been anything but an accident. Cult Leader: Indeed. Our second topic is the most important one at hand. Cultist: The Vance child. You: (Me?!) Cultist: Her/His investigation into our affairs is beginning to compromise our agenda. Cult Leader: Do not get ahead of yourselves, brothers. All in due time. Cult Leader: Now. Let us begin. Cultists: Before the Power, we reveal ourselves! As one, the cultists reach up to their hoods… and pull them down! Astrid: … Vincent: … Imogen: Mom and Dad?! Richard: … Danni: Richard! Chief Kelley: … Parker: Abe? Your friends’ voices fade into the background as your gaze fixes on the fifth figure. For a long moment, you’re unable to even process what you’re seeing. Then he lifts his head to speak and the world seems to fall out from under you. Grandpa: Before the Power, we are revealed. You: GRANDPA?!

CHAPTER EIGHT

You sit back in the balcony overhanging the cultists’ overhanging the cultists’ headquarters, reeling from the discovery that your grandfather… is one of them! Grandpa: … You: (It’s Grandpa! I-- I can’t believe it!) Astrid: Now, my brothers. It is time to begin. Imogen: Gina, th-this can’t be true!

-If you have the bracelet

Cultist Guard: Hey! What the hell are you kids doing up here! You whip around and find two cultists looming over you and your friends! Imogen: Um, ‘run’? The commotion’s caught the attention of the cultists below! Astrid: Imogen? Richard: Apprehend them immediately! Cultist Guard: You’re coming with us! Danni: Over my dead body! One guard cracks his knuckles, while the other whips out a baton crackling with electricity!

STUN BATON -Examine

You all shy away from the sizzling baton, feeling the electricity raise the hairs on your arms. Cultist Guard: Now, are you gonna come along quietly or are we gonna do this the hard way? You: We’ll… we’ll come quietly. Won’t be, guys? Tom: Yeah, not a peep. You and your friends are dragged downstairs by the guards to the assembled circle.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Imogen: Wait a minute! Imogen frantically fishes in her pockets, and pulls out…

IS THAT… -The skeleton key!

Imogen: A-ha! Parker: I don’t want to burst your bubble, but I’m fairly certain the key for these doors doesn’t look like-- The doors unlock with a heavy click! Parker: You’re kidding me! Danni scrambles down the lamp post! Danni: Nice one! Imogen +5 Imogen: I knew this thing would come in handy again!

#playchoices #choices stories you play #choices it lives beneath #choices ilb #it lives beneath #it lives beneath walkthrough

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independentartistbuzz · 3 years ago

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7 From the Women with Mary Jennings

Mary Jennings has been making music since she was a kid and uses it as her own personal therapy sessions. Music has been a way for her to grasp emotions and ideas that surround her. Her songs are driven by her life experiences and the death of her mother, but the birth of her daughter, Eliza, changed everything, as she is now Mary’s inspiration and influence. She is raw and vulnerable because she knows others are dealing with the same thing. If she can give a voice and a connection to certain feelings, she has done her job.

We were able to catch up with Mary for another 7 From the Women, which you can read below.

What have you been working to promote lately?

I just released my new album, “Matriarch” on June 25, 2021. I honestly didn't know I had another album in me. I had been so focused on being a good mom that music had taken a bit of a backseat. When the pandemic hit and I was homeschooling Eliza (my at the time 3.5 almost 4 year old daughter) full time and was isolated from friends and family, I realized how much I still needed music and became more determined than ever to figure out a way to make it work. With the help of Ryan Youmans (co-producer, engineer, mixer and parent of two small children I might add), I learned how to set up and start tracking and producing from home. Every musician involved in the project did their parts from their own spaces! Now I know I have so much more than just an album left in me and I need to give my child a model to look to and not a martyr. I don't need to sacrifice my art to be a great parent. I need to merge my worlds. That's a huge part of how the album, "Matriarch," was born...get it born? #momjoke

You can listen to Matriarch here.

Please tell us about your favorite song written, recorded or produced by another woman and why it’s meaningful to you.

This is so hard as there are so many but there is one that stands out that has really helped me as a mom and musician. It is Imogen Heap’s “Tiny Human.” Not only did she write and perform it, but she also produced. That is very inspiring to me. In this song, she was so candid about how difficult it was in the early stages of motherhood for her with her daughter. I felt as though she was singing my feelings. Her candor helped me to not feel so isolated and alone as I wandered through postpartum depression. She gave me a lot of strength to pull myself together and take my life under control. I have such an amazing relationship with my daughter, Eliza, and I think music like Heap’s really made a difference in that in the very early stages. It’s amazing now to hear Eliza singing Imogen Heap songs too. It’s something over which we can bond.

What does it mean to you to be a woman making music/in the music business today and do you feel a responsibility to other women to create messages and themes in your music?

Music has always been therapy for me and I hope that my music can be therapeutic for others as well. Like so many arts industries women are still very underrepresented in music and not only that, if you don’t fit a young, universally attractive mold, then you have an even harder time moving forward. Then, enter moms. Talk about under represented. For so many, having children means a death sentence to your music career. Well, forget that! I want to use a stronger “F” word here but I will refrain for the sake of class. But it is utter garbage that so many people feel like that they can’t have both a stable family life and a career in music. That is a huge part of “Matriarch” for me. It’s proving not only to others but also to myself that I still have music in me to share. I hope that I can be a voice so so many women and mothers out there.

If you could collaborate with any other female artists, who would you choose?

There are so many but if I had to chose one, it would be Imogen Heap. Not only is she an amazing musician and singer who has been increasing innovative and created music and sounds outside the box but she’s also a mom that hasn’t let that fact change her career path. She has been so forward and honest about the struggles yet beauty in being a mom and she got me out of a lot of my own postpartum depression. She has driven me to continue writing, singing, performing and even learning to produce. Working with her would be a huge honor on so many different levels.

What was the most challenging thing you have had to face as a female artist?

There are a lot of challenges in being any artist and especially female, however, I think the biggest challenge I have faced has been my own imposter syndrome. I am my own worst critic and I have an impressive ability to tear myself down, tell myself I am not worthy of something or that I could be better, or get wrapped up in needlessly comparing myself to others. I like to think of myself as pretty rational and if any of my friends came to me with the worries or anxieties that I have, I would be able to talk them off a ledge in an instant but I am not so delicate with myself. I don’t know where that insecurity came from but the more I talk to my female artist friends, the more I realize most of us have it. I hate that. Women rule and we need to be able to see that in ourselves more and not be so self critical.

What is the most personal thing you have shared in your music or in your artist brand as it relates to being female?

I would say the most important thing I have shared as an artist throughout all of my work is unabashed vulnerability. I put everything out on the table in my music. It is my therapy so there will be songs of heartache, anger, insecurity, death, abuse, nightmares but also happiness, joy, love, and laughter. It is important for me as a person and a female to feel like I don’t need to hide any parts of myself or my identity. Being a southern woman, we are raised to have a certain decorum which often means to not speak up if something bothers you. Just be polite and move on. My music lets me be completely me and every facet of myself and hopefully it can help others find their own self expression.

Do you consider yourself a feminist? If so why and if not why?

I 100% identify as a feminist. As a woman raising a daughter and having been raised by a strong single mother I don’t know how I couldn’t be! I firmly believe in the social, economic and political equality of females across the world. There is no reason, in my mind, that we shouldn’t have the same rights and opportunities as everyone else just because of our sex or gender. If I am not qualified for a job then it better be because of my skill set and not because of my body. I want Eliza to grow up knowing, not just believing, that she can be anything she wants to be as long as she works hard enough. I don’t want her to see her body or gender as a limitation. It’s a powerful thing to be a woman and I want her to feel that too.

You can find and connect with Mary Jennings via:

www.maryjennings.com

Instagram: @maryjenningsmusic

TikTok: @maryjenningsmusic

Facebook: /maryjenningsmusic

Youtube: /jenningsfemtastic

Twitter: @jenningsmusic

#Mary Jennings

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lovinmightyfire · 8 years ago

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Thank you lovely @scarlet-rainy-dreams for tagging me in this questionnaire. It’s so interesting, it was quite hard, but such a challenge and a nice time to think lots of stuff.

The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

My idea of perfect happiness would be...being at peace with myself and my surroundings. Enjoying the pleasant things of life...

2. What is your greatest fear?

Myself, my bad side. My anxiety that pushes to all the bad in my life...

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

And here it goes again. My anxiety issues. When I’m in painful stress, it’s like I can become someone entirely different, that can turn normal situations or daily life into pain and bad coping mechanisms, makes up sympthoms, believes in things I would never believe in my senses, let’s say. I know that I can come up to a certain point, but the hard thing is to stop it some times, and I just can’t bear myself like that.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

I don’t like when people self loathes a lot and victimize themselves for believing they’re a piece of crap when they aren’t and they are humans, and all humans have their problems, and can also make their solutions. Often people that act like victims of life live off of the others,like toxic parasytes ruining the environment. I don’t like at all when people use victimism to take advantage on their lies,for example. Well, I can say I do not like ‘psychopatic’ behaviours.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

I would say my boyfriend, but he’s a human. Humans have defects, every human has things that one won’t like to copy or idolize. Well, he made me see my potential, he made me grow as an individual, he helped me to grow and focus on empathy, if that’s understandable. I love people that can give a little bit that goes a long way to help you to make a better you. Let’s say I could admire that people.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

I think yeah, my love of japanese culture, and my passion onto let all people be...I don’t know if that’s also understandable,lol.

7. What is your current state of mind?

All I can think of is “ I need to have another ‘point of focus’ onto my stress”, like now it’s all centered in my back and neck and jaw. Lol. Also,needing to COPE with stress smoothly in order of a better quality of life. More than that, I just want time to pass to see if I can really make into the things I planned for this year. I always say “If it’s not prolly going to work out, I’ll surely keep hanging on the way so things will”.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Being “social, extroverted,talkative”.

9. On what occasion do you lie?

I don’t always lie, because I’m ...the most terrible person at that, and most likely will feel TOO guilty. But..as humans, like we are, we had said our white lies. I lie if I have to give a surprise to someone. I CAN’T WITH SURPRISES I ALWAYS RUIN THEM. But if I really need to keep it, I will..say I did sth else. And I also lie to go alone. Like, being with friends and saying “ Oh, I need to go to some place to take sth, I won’t join you/I’m going to the doctor so I’m leaving earlier” So I leave alone and travel completely alone, with no one going with me. Ah yeah. I isolate myself very often. Sometimes it’s a need, but it’s not like I’m overwhelmed with people. It’s a trait I also despise of myself,but something I need.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

Maybe the shape I have in my torso. like, not having like a “feminine” figure,and not exercising makes it look weird... I don’t really have too many problems with myself on the outside.

11. Which living person do you most despise?

I despise no one. But I don’t quite like some people, because of what they are.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

I love when a man is sensitive, is very sure of himself and what he likes and hates, when he can channel his beauty inside and outside, the wit and intelligence, AND A BEAUTIFUL SMILE AND EYES WHERE I CAN SEE THE ENDLESS HUMBLY AND HARMONY IN HIS SOUL sorry

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Ehh well I like intelligence in a woman,also assertiveness.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

“I love that” “I don’t like it when” “Thank you”

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

This is cheesy,but I’ll just read my heart, Istvan. I will never thank anyone so much. Despite everything, whatever the result is. I will always be thankful for lots of things. That leads me to, I also want to be the love of my life.

16. When and where were you happiest?

The first time I looked into Istvan’s eyes when I met him personally in an airport, dressing with a celebration outfit at midnight. I was shaking nervously, and when I laid eyes on him, it was like magic and time actually stopped. I felt in such a peace of mind state that led myself on, almost like floating of how calm I was, suddenly. There were no worries or expectations anymore, they were unexistent. I also recall when I looked at snowflakes when I was at his house. And when I was at sea floating, I said “I want to take a picture of this moment”. All the happiest moments take me to “love". I also want to point that I feel so cheesy and embarrassed when talking about my love, or love in public. Ah. haha

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

I’d love to be very talented from the start with my favorite musical instruments. And maybe with creating clothes, like taking my creativity into clothing items but I can’t even simply sew. It’s like a math problem to me. Ah, I wouldn’t like to be talented on math or those things, because I don’t like them.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I changed lots of things I hated about myself these years. So I would like not to be anxious at all,or easily stressed,also being more ‘laid back’ in some decisions I could take,because life is about plans; but life is also about not following some of the plans.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

I feel more at ease with myself. I feel like I can really get to love myself in the future, in a 100%. I love so much some of my qualities, my traits that is unbelievable how proud I am of being what I am. This is what I call a great achievement.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

A grim reaper. Maybe this isn’t my fourth life, maybe I sinned a lot, maybe I sinned in the next one, because I’m not gonna be a grim reaper with this life I have now. LOL *Evidently watched Goblin, carried away with it* Uso,uso. Nothing. I don’t have an idea.

21. Where would you most like to live?

Now I am very prepared for city life, with glimpses of nature. Would not like to live in the very center of a city because of the noise and the stuff...I also need the green in my life, the branches, the breeze. But I don’t like being far from a city.

22. What is your most treasured possession?

*I’ll figure out my room suddenly goes on fire* My headphones, the few meaningful band merch I have, A little Cortana doll my bf gave to me,along with a dragon statue,whew they’re meaningful.A necklace I always have on.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Yeah, like Oli said, losing the will to live, despising yourself and others that much you’d do that.

24. What is your favorite occupation?

Doing something that awakes and stimulates my interest, which is very deep and passionate.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?

I am assertive. I am loyal. And the best for last, I am VERY determined/strong willed. I’m just marking what people says they admire of me.

26. What do you most value in your friends?

Being people who I can actually be at peace and silence when it’s necessary and not so necessary. People who act quickly and really wants to be around you.

27. Who are your favorite writers?

Maybe I liked a lot of things Gabo García Márquez and Julio Cortázar wrote. But I like too many different styles, and I won’t mention more/or a real fav.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

I don’t know, man. But heroes for me are strongly determined passionate and fight-for-their-dreams people.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Nah, I don’t identify with anyone.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?

Oh, I already said that, don’t wanna repeat myself that much!

31. What are your favorite names?

Ah! I love names! I like names with E and I ,they’re my favorite thing (why? IDK they sound so beautiful to me) like Ilonka, Imogen, Iris,Eren,Emre, Irine, Istvan (YEAH one of the reasons I came up with him was his beautiful name calling my attention) and if we’re calling a nationality I like hungarian names, russian/balkan/turkic names aka FANTASY SOUNDING BEAUTIFUL NAMES the most. I also like some japanese ones, but I’m turning off the weeb in this topic.

But to summarize it, I basically like unisex names, or female names that sound like male, and male names sounding like female. Names are beautiful, there’s something more than about this anyway.

32. What is it that you most dislike?

Being a bait for something, being lied to

33. What is your greatest regret?

Not doing too much for my posture.

34. How would you like to die?

I don’t even wanna think about that. But what I wouldn’t like is making people I love suffer for me, feeling a useless burden. I’d rather die.

35. What is your motto?

"any dream stops being one if you believe in yourself, fight enough and just go for it all the way”

I’m tagging @severemagazinementality @rasenchuu @fautsus @natalicius @lunaloupgarou @april-lilies this time.

#proust questionnaire #tag thing #personal #very interesting #but my back screams murder

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enchanted-prose · 5 years ago

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Daisy Chains

I can’t contribute anything to the fandom except for writing! Here’s my first contribution for something I’m going to call Fic Friday. I solemnly swear to drop a fic or drabble from 200-6,000 words every Friday! (drop comments because I live for attention?)

Title: Daisy Chains

Word Count: 2,000

Features: Mott, Jaron, Amarinda, Tobias, Roden, and Imogen, as well as a few ocs and an introduction for a larger project I’m working on.

No editing, we die like men.

The day was warm.

Birds chirped, and for the first time in a long time, the trees all bore their leaves. Everything was alive. Buzzing with a lazy energy.

The Roving River moved eerily slowly, slugging through the broken forest just outside of Drylliad castle. It would be years before the forest surrounding the castle healed from the wounds of war. But after two years, the environment was making great effort to return to normalcy.

But normalcy was still years away.

Repercussions from the Avenian War still rattled the government and population of Carthya. In Avenia, the people were struggling to survive. Bymar was facing severe social unrest.

At least Gelyn was still swindling people out of their fortunes, like they always did.

On the bank of the river lay a large, quilted blanket. A basket of food stood in the middle of a group of young people.

And there was laughter.

Smiles despite the haunted look each person tried to hide.

"Still can't believe you managed to drink an entire barrel full of mead," Tobias shook his head. "Roden, there's been an ongoing study about fermented beverages leading to an early death."

Roden Harlowe, the charming captain of Carthya's royal guard, smirked, "I'm bound to die anyways, may as well die from something I like."

"That's not-"

"Careful Tobias, you might trick people into thinking we're friends."

"Shut up."

A wave of snickers rippled through Tobias, Roden, and the rest of King Jaron's inner circle.

Jaron himself had demanded that he and the inner circle take the afternoon off. They all deserved it. Each one had been working nonstop to ensure domestic peace, and others had been grappling with diplomatic responsibilities.

The rules for the afternoon were simple: Under no circumstances was anybody allowed to bring up anything that had to do with the kingdom.

Or other kingdoms.

Or anything sad at all.

"I feel like you should push Roden to his limits," snipped Amarinda, the princess and ambassador of Bymar. "If he can drain an entire barrel, why not see if he can do two?"

"Now that's a wager I'll get behind," Roden said. He settled on his back, clasping his hands behind his head.

"You'd be sick for days," Tobias argued.

"That won't stop me from doing anything."

"Idiot."

"Prat."

Jaron was laughing, "As much as I approve of pushing boundaries, maybe you should start at one and a half barrels. You still need to patrol the- ah, you still need to be wary on your feet. . . Or Tobias may be able to disarm you in a sparring match."

"Didn't think of that," Roden groaned. "My reputation would be ruined."

"Your reputation is already ruined," Amarinda teased.

"Damaged beyond compare, there's absolutely no chance you can repair it. You'll be churning butter your whole life," Jaron inched his way closer to Imogen, and settled an arm around her. "Maybe you could open a shop."

"I fully intend to vanish, and then train wannabe heroes just like the mentors from the old legends."

"Don't the mentors usually die in the legends?"

"Everyone dies in legends, that's why they're legends."

"I thought we were going to avoid depressing subjects," Imogen chirped. She tugged on the end of her braid.

A moment of silence settled in over everyone.

Avoiding the scars they'd all received would never be an easy task. They were still too fresh despite appearing to be healed.

Each one had different burdens.

Each one bore their own burden in different ways.

For Imogen, she found herself almost always afraid that somebody would materialize out of the dark and put an arrow through her shoulder again.

For Jaron, he couldn't ever seem to sit still, something he struggled with as a child before. If he was constantly moving, there was less of a chance of being caught.

"My cousin, Princess Eline, sent me a letter," Amarinda said. "She's going to be named heir to the throne soon."

"She's going to become queen in her own right?" Jaron's eyes went wide. "That's incredible!"

"She's taking the situation very seriously, especially since she's so young. However, there is much. . . Much to be done to prepare for the ceremony. I hope to attend."

"I hope we all can attend."

Silence once again.

They all knew that they were avoiding a subject very specific to Princess Eline's new title as Crown Princess.

Princess Eline had the support of the Royalists, but no support from those calling themselves the Tairrogists.

The Tairrogists insisted that they needed a new monarch.

One that would focus on Bymar's affairs before attending to their allies.

And they were gaining an unsettling amount of support from the people of Bymar.

Amarinda wasn't the type to watch her country topple, even if she did have a duty to Carthya and her husband above all.

That was how she kept herself composed.

She busied herself with ways to make life better for everyone, and did her best to involve Tobias. Together, they worked through their concerns.

Their fears were slowly melting away.

Together, they recognized that there was only so much that they could do within their power.

Unlike Roden.

Unlike Captain Roden Harlowe, who silently insisted that he was strong enough to save everyone he could.

The results when he couldn't save everyone were devastating to watch.

So he turned to the company of alcohol. The local tavern had a stool reserved just for him. The local barmaids always did their best to serve him first for the chance to accompany him to his bed.

He kept himself detached and too involved all at once.

And he never slept alone.

"I've always wanted to know how to make a daisy chain," Roden blurted, saying the first thing that came to his mind.

"A daisy chain?" Imogen tilted her head. "I'm quite good at those, have anyone in mind you're going to give it to?"

"Not really, just need something to do while I'm out in the woods on a boring day."

"I think making daisy chains is a brilliant idea. You can use it as a weapon, maybe even a rope," Jaron snickered. "Can't tell you how many times my life has been saved by flowers."

"Ah, see, I can think of one time your life was definitely saved by flowers, your Highness," a smile split across Imogen's face like a ray of sunshine.

"None of you will ever understand how grateful I am for Imogen. If more people were like her, we'd get everything under control."

Nobody could deny that Imogen was certainly the most productive out of them all.

"I know I could use a few notes on remaining focused," Amarinda's gaze flickered to a special area. "Especially when Tobias and I are taking inventory in the physician's chambers."

Another wave of snickers rippled through the circle as Tobias's ears turned beat red, "I, ah, could say the same."

"Dear Saints, I hate being around you all," Roden groaned.

"Right! Daisy chains!" Imogen clapped her hands together, desperately trying to change the subject. "You start by getting-"

"-Daisies of course," Jaron said. He stood, and held out a hand to Imogen, "Care to look for them with me?"

"Don't mind if I do."

By the time they both returned from 'looking for daisies', a newcomer had joined Amarinda, Tobias, and Roden on the blanket. The sunlight glinting off of his shiny, bald head brought safety to both Jron and Imogen.

There was nobody they trusted more than Mott.

"Mott!" Jaron exclaimed, nearly dropping all of the daisies he'd collected. "Ae you sure it's safe for you to be out-"

"I'm not made of glass, Jaron," Mott sighed, but a ghost of a smile lingered on his face.

"I know, but, I do worry."

"I wish you didn't. What have you got there?'

Everyone was far too talented at changing the subject.

"We're going to teach Roden how to make a daisy chain," Imogen said. She sat down on the blanket, and began passing out bundles of daisies.

Mott tried his best to hide his surprise, "Is there somebody he's courting?"

"The day I court somebody, male or female, is the day that I get a sword through my middle," Roden snapped.

"Violent words from a lover," Jaron placed his hand over his heart. "How could you forsake our love, dear captain?"

"Because you're the type of person to steal the blanket in the middle of the night and I get cold."

"You do steal the blanket, Jaron," Imogen noted.

"I am not a blanket stealer!"

He was indeed a blanket stealer.

Quite inconvenient on a snowing night.

"To start with a daisy chain, you need a pair of flowers. One is going to wrap around the other," Imogen held up the daisies, expertly wrapping one stem around its twin. "You sort of repeat this pattern until it's as long as you like. I sometimes tie the ends together with string because they stay longer, but I don't think we have anything. . ."

"I have string!" Tobias said.

"Never leaves home without it," Amarinda grinned. "Always insists that he might need to stitch somebody up."

"Can't help it, I'm friends with Roden."

"Speak to me kindly," Roden frowned.

"Not on your life."

"Prat."

"Idiot."

The first batch of daisy chains from Jaron and Tobias fell apart. Eventually, their daisies became too worn out, and they fell apart. However, Roden seemed to be a natural at first. . . Until about halfway through the chain when he accidentally broke off a daisy, causing the entire thing to fall apart.

Amarinda's crown was finished quickly, and in no time, her crown was resting on Tobias's head while she worked on a second one.

They made sure to speak to each other while they weaved. It helped keep their minds from wandering to dismal places.

Crowns were made and placed on heads.

Mott's bald head couldn't keep the crown in place until one was made to specifically fit his head, and his alone.

Tobias, at first, bore the most crowns. . .

But the circle made an unspoken pact, wrestled Jaron to the ground, and shoved as many daisy chains as they could onto and over his head.

It had been a long time since they'd all laughed that hard.

Later that evening, as Jaron sat alone in his office reading decrees and letters, he couldn't shake the feeling that the afternoon he'd shared with his friends would be the last truly happy thing to happen for a long time.

And it scared him.

It scared him that things weren't slowing down as he'd hoped. Though Carthya was well on their way to recovering from the Avenian war, Bymar was teetering on the edge of civil war.

As their ally, Carthya had an obligation to assist Bymar.

But what could they offer?

If Jaron sent troops, the Carthyan population would be decimated.

If he didn't. . . He'd be a traitor.

Oh how he wished that he could spend every afternoon simply making daisy chains with his inner circle..

#the ascendance series #ascendance trilogy #prince jaron #roden #roden harlowe #tobias branch #princess amarinda #imogen #mott #false prince #runaway king #shadow throne #captive kingdom #everyone has issues #fic friday #gosh i love roden so much #jaron is my literal fave #enjoy!

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shemakesmusic-uk · 5 years ago

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INTERVIEW: Imogen Clark.

Cutting her teeth playing in local pubs in the Blue Mountains of New South Wales Australia before taking the stage with artists like Shania Twain, Ian Moss and Willie Watson, Imogen Clark has worked relentlessly over the past decade, building up her musical chops. She has worked with Mark Lizotte (Diesel), Kasey Chambers and Jim Lauderdale and now cites Benmont Tench (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers) and Pete Thomas (Elvis Costello and the Attractions) amongst her collaborators, both appearing on the new The Making Of Me EP.

The songs on this EP are the by product of a year that found Imogen picking up the pieces and putting together a new version of herself. A huge part of the process of making this EP, and this song, in particular, was allowing herself to embrace imperfections, and make the kind of music that she had previously been too afraid to pursue due to outside forces trying to fit her into someone else’s idea of what is authentic. Imogen has finally come to a point in her life where she stopped caring about the surrounding noise and outside opinions and is writing songs that represent all of who she is. She equally adores artists like Taylor Swift and Bruce Springsteen and is now making the music that reflects that.

We had a chat with Imogen all about The Making Of Me, how she’s spending her time in quarantine, the struggles ahe has faced in the music industry and more. Read the interview below.

Hi Imogen! How are you? How are you coping with the situation we're all in at the moment? Do you have any advice/tips?

"Hi there! I’m doing well, despite all the chaos. I think the best way to get through tough times like this is to try and keep busy. The moment I find myself sitting on the couch and falling into an anxiety puddle about the current state of the world, I force myself to get up and go for a run, do some work on my laptop, do some writing or practicing on an instrument. It’s important to keep our minds distracted."

You recently returned with your new single 'Found Me'. How does it feel to be back?

"It feels great to be releasing new music again after two years! I spent the time between my last record and now working super hard on the road and writing a ton of new songs, and ‘Found Me’ felt like the perfect re-entrance. It represents a pretty big sonic evolution for me, and although it sounds like no other music I’ve released before, it somehow feels more me than anything I’ve done to date."

What's the story behind 'Found Me'? What does the song mean to you?

"'Found Me' is an empowering break up anthem with a twist. It’s not a song of sorrow or grieving; it’s about making the tough decisions you need to make and letting go of someone important to you, in order to become the person you need and want to be.

"I wrote it when I was at a low point in my life last year, having just ended the longest and most serious romantic relationship of my life. I was also exhausted, having just come off a giant U.K./Europe tour and gone straight into a U.S. tour opening for the wonderful Clare Bowen. Clare and her husband Brandon Robert Young became beautiful friends and mentors to me over this time, giving me advice and letting me pour my heart out to them after gigs. When we sat down to write a song together in Nashville at the end of the tour, Found Me just poured out. I think everyone knows the feeling of being in love with someone but feeling like perhaps you’re growing at a pace which your partner can’t accept or understand. Sometimes we need to make sacrifices to find out who we really are beneath all the pain. Clare and Brandon were amazing co-writers for this song, and Clare also added the stunning harmonies you can hear on the track."

'Found Me' is taken from your upcoming new EP The Making Of Me. What can you tell us about the record?

"The Making Of Me is a collection of songs I wrote throughout a year that really tested me. It’s about becoming your fullest self, embracing your own power and learning to live without fear. I’ve always felt in some way beholden to other people’s ideas of what box I fit into, or what authentic art is. This is the first time I’ve made music with absolutely no boundaries on how it “should” sound, and I’m sure people will be able to hear the sound of that liberating confidence when they listen to the songs.

"I was lucky to have a brilliant team in the studio; Mike Bloom (Jenny Lewis, Julian Casablancas) producing, Will Golden engineering and my manager Jeremy Dylan, all of whom were creative, supportive and encouraging influences, and brought so many wonderful ideas to the table."

How is The Making Of Me different (or similar) to your previous material? Were there any musical influences or sounds that you were able to incorporate this time around that you hadn’t in your previous releases?

"This record is like nothing I’ve made before in that we used so many wildly different musical influences, and we let the songs go where they wanted to go, without putting limitations on ourselves. We never stepped back and said “What sort of record are we making?” We just let the songs and our feelings guide us. In the studio, we were referencing everything from Maggie Rogers to Prince to Christine and the Queens to Bruce Springsteen to Taylor Swift. It’s so freeing to make music like that, and I think you can hear that feeling when you listen to the songs."

What do you hope fans will take away from The Making Of Me?

"I wrote these songs during a year that almost broke me. I know so many people are facing a year like that right now. While I wrote these songs about and during challenging times, there is an unyieldingly optimistic undertone to it all. This isn’t a record to make you cry; it’s a record to give you strength and remind you that there’s always light on the other side of the darkness, and that often we come out the other side better for having survived it. I hope it can relight some people’s fires right now."

You worked with some big names on the EP. What was that like and what sort of things have you learned from them and vice versa?

"I couldn’t have asked for better folks to make this record with. At the beginning of the process, we had Pete Thomas (Elvis Costello & The Imposters) come in and lay down drums, and then the next day we had Benmont Tench (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers) come in and track keys and organ. These are two musicians I greatly admire and I grew up listening to their playing on some of my favourite records.

"I love seeing people like that in the zone doing what they do best, because it always inspires me to work hard to be the best possible musician I can be. It was like a masterclass in musicianship watching them in the studio, and I figure if I’m the worst musician in the room at any given time, I’ve surrounded myself with the right people. I was absolutely thrilled to have them both come in and lend their magic to my songs. It was an incredibly surreal “pinch me” moment in my life that I will never forget."

Which new artists/bands are you listening to right now? Is there anyone else you would love to collaborate with in the future?

"Right now, I’m all about Maggie Rogers and Lennon Stella, two artists I’d love to collaborate with if ever the opportunity came up!"

You've been in the industry a long time now! What struggles have you faced as an artist in the music business and how have you overcome them?

"I think starting so young was both a good and a bad thing for me. I cut my teeth playing 4-hour cover gigs in pubs in my hometown of the Hawkesbury, New South Wales from age 12. That is a wonderful way to learn how to develop a thick skin and stand up for yourself when drunk people heckle you, as well as the obvious skill-building it allows."

"A difficult thing about starting so early however, is that people see you as a child for a long time, and it’s always a challenge to get people to take you seriously. Being a young woman in the music industry is fraught with pressure to look a certain way and feelings of being underestimated at every turn. You have to work twice as hard as your male counterparts to earn the same respect. What I’ve learned over the years though, is that although that is clearly unfair and hurtful, I can use it as fire in my belly to fuel me forward. It has taught me to back myself even more. I know I’m good enough to be here and I’m going to keep proving it."

Finally, what are your plans when we're all back to some sort of normality?

"The first thing I can’t wait to do once it’s safe is go back out on the road! I am so terribly missing playing live for people and the pure magic you feel in a room where everyone is connecting to and feeling the music together. I’d love to be touring internationally again as soon as possible."

The Making Of Me is out August 21.

Photo credit: Jeremy Dylan

#imogen clark #interview #the making of me

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neerdowellnarrator · 7 years ago

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Better to Die a Hero

Once upon a time there was an enchantress. Let’s call her Mona, because her real name is far too difficult to spell. Mona was impatient and clumsy but she was also brilliant and genuinely a good person, so everyone liked her. Mona’s magic has never really been specified to me, but that doesn’t really matter to this story, so I will just say she had Great Power. I know it’s a cliche, but Mona’s greatest power was her kindness. She always tried to help people and do right by her fellow human. So Mona went to villages and helped with the harvests and fixed the roads and taught the people what she could. Mona could read and write, but she couldn’t spell for shit and hated even the most basic math with a passion. That was okay though, because she could teach magic. Mona began training teenagers and young adults the art of enchanting. At first, she only did it because she thought it would be useful. Mona began to attract a following of people, who liked how she helped others and taught magic and generally seemed to think that helping people was a Good Idea. I know, that shouldn’t be a radical statement, but people back then were used to apathy so Mona was a nice change from the many guards and tax collectors and lords who never helped anyone. People began to say “You know that nice lady, Mona? She would make an awesome queen.” Then they’d stare wistfully into the distance before going back to doing whatever peasants did in mythical lands a long time ago.

Once upon a time, word of these whispers got back to the Queen-with-a-capital-Q, whose name has been lost to history. I’m going to call her Queen, for simplicity’s sake. Queen wasn’t as evil as some fairy tale rulers are. She just didn’t particularly care what happened to her people as long as they all bowed and she got to wear the crown on her head. Queen was very attached to being Queen, and while I’m not entirely sure how she got the title in the first place, I know it was bloodier than Elizabeth Báthory’s bathtub. Queen did not appreciate these whispers of a rival, so she called in her best and most deadly assassin. Imogene was already responsible for the sudden and mysterious deaths of more people than I can count on my fingers when Queen told her to hunt down the one called Mona and make her... disappear. So Imogene gathered her her weapons, picked eight friends to help out and started hunting the one they called Mona. A month later, a group of terrified apprentices burst into Mona’s bedroom in the middle of the night and told her there were nine assassins at her door. Mona invited them in, of course, gave them tea and biscuits, and asked if there was anything they needed help with, while all her students fled to the forest. Mona wasn’t stupid, she knew she wouldn’t win a fight against nine trained killers, magic or no magic. She only hoped that all her children would escape. Imogene took the tea, and the biscuits, and tried not to stare too openly at the tiny lady who had become her bosses biggest rival just by being nice. You see, Imogene and her entourage had traveled far and wide in their search and seen the good roads and schools and young adults who were putting the magic they learned in their teens to use healing the sick and other Good and Noble Deeds. “I don’t entirely know what you’ve got going on,” Imogene said, “but we would like to be a part of it.”

Once upon a time, Queen learned that Imogene, her best and most deadly weapon, had never returned from her mission. Furthermore, none of the other eight assassins had returned either. This Mona girl was evidently a lot more scary than Queen had thought. Meanwhile, Mona and Imogene had expanded Mona’s school, and since the school expanded, so did the town near it. People began to whisper about running away to a certain place near the forest, where they could be ruled by a new queen. Slowly, Mona’s territory grew, and her legend grew, and people began to whisper that she should takeover. Mona always waved those whispers away. “Oh please,” she laughed, “I could never be a leader. Now why don’t we put all this wheat to good use and sell some of it to our neighbors? Then we can trade with our other neighbor for better quality oil.” That’s probably a bad example, but I’ve never been a decision maker or a money-person or whoever would know whether or not that’s a good example. The point I am trying to make is that Mona knew what she was doing. She laughed it off, but her empire got bigger and bigger as she sent emissaries to towns to tell the people “If you pay taxes to me, I’ll fix your roads and your schools and protect you with my army.” Imogene led the more military side, and her soldiers fought off everything Queen sent their way. “I know sometimes bloodshed can’t be avoided, Genie, but do we really have to go to war with King So-and-so?” Mona would ask, and Imogene would sigh and tell Mona about how if they didn’t shove King So-and-so away from their borders, he may try to move in. “It’s just defense Mo,” Imogene would say, and Mona would nod because Imogene was right; Mona just wished for a perfect world and she and Imogene would get there someday. Privately, Imogene thought Mona was far too trusting, but if Mona wasn’t the type to take an assassin at her word that she wanted to join up, Imogene wouldn’t get to see the way Mona’s chin dimpled as she frowned over maps that were already inaccurate by the time they reached her desk. “Perhaps,” Imogene thought, “I’m too paranoid.”

Once upon a time, Imogene stood by Mona’s side as Mona signed treaties with three different countries and listened with Mona to the problems of their subjects and solved them as best she could. Once upon a time Mona road next to Imogene as they traveled through the borders of the land they had built and wept with Imogene over the deaths in battle of friends and former students. Once upon a time Imogene found herself watching Mona’s lips as she talked and Mona found herself staring at the way Imogene’s eyes sparkled in the sun. Once upon a time Mona missed Imogene when they didn’t see each other and Imogene found excuses to just be in Mona’s presence for as much time as possible. Once upon a time, two people fell in a love they were sure was unrequited. As their feelings grew, so did the borders of what was becoming their country. Queen began torturing her citizens for information about Mona. Queen doubled, then tripled, the guards at her gate. Queen took every person strong enough to lift a sword into her army and prepared for an attack.

Once upon a time, Mona heard of great suffering in what little land Queen still controlled. Imogene called for an volunteers and an army marched upon the capital. As the battle raged in the streets, Imogene and Mona snuck into the castle and into Queen’s chambers. Mona looked Queen in the eye and told Queen she was going to lose. “Surrender now,” Mona told her, “Abdicate and save lives. This is a fight you will not win.” Imogene stood behind Mona and said nothing, just crossed her arms and glared. Queen wasn’t stupid. She agreed to give up her crown. Mona turned to grin at Imogene. It was a See I told you this could be solved diplomatically grin. An If you believe the best in people they’ll surprise you grin. Imogene saw the glint of silver as Queen pulled a dagger from her sleeve. Imogene didn’t think, she just shoved Mona out of the way. Queen’s poisoned dagger caught Imogene in the stomach. Mona cried and gathered Imogene into her arms and held Imogene as she died and there were “stay with me”s and “I love you”s and Imogene died in Mona’s arms. Why couldn’t Mona use her magic to save ? Well I don’t precisely know. All I know is magic is a finicky thing that never works the way it should and it always, always comes with a price. So Imogene’s breathing stilled and Mona kissed her forehead, whispering a spell to send Imogene’s body into the stars as a constellation, as a reminder. A reminder that mercy brings only heartbreak and the only way to ensure her enemies wouldn’t hurt her was to kill them first.

Once upon a time, Mona tore Queen apart with her bare hands and brutally executed any of Queen’s soldiers who survived the battle.

Once upon a time Queen Mona killed anyone suspected of harboring an ill thought towards her regime.

Once upon a time Queen Mona met with her allies under a flag of truce and assassinated ever ruler of the surrounding kingdoms and their families.

Once upon a time, Queen Mona became the most ruthless ruler in the history of her country.

Because you either die a hero or become the villain in the next story.

#fairy tail #original fairy tale #you either die a hero #or you become a villian

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kplatonova-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Final Major Proposal

«Alone in depression»

Looking now at the past years I can trace a clear development of myself as a person and artist. I have become morally stronger and a lot more confident. I believe that my artworks reflect the changes in inner myself. I started with the emphasis on craft and gradually moved to animations and expression of various emotions through photographs and videos. During the learning process my idea was to attempt every available and appealing technique to become a versatile artist. Towards the end of Year 2 I have ended up in the world of animation movies. My Year 1 FMP was a turning point. It was a stop-motion animation movie. I really enjoyed the whole creation process and was fully grasped by it. With the help of tutors during the year 2 I have been reminded on how much I loved doing it and should develop my skill further. This brings me here: my journey has ended up in a creation of a short movie about myself, my deep emotions and my fears. In year 2 I have done one more animation, but that did not give me the same thrill as it did before and I have realised that the topic is what actually overwhelms me - I really enjoy studying and understanding emotions and communicating with public through my artwork. I decided to give a bit more life into my work and move on from stop-motion to actual movies.

The idea of my final artwork is to produce a short film about a very sensitive and personal topic - «loneliness and depression». I have decided that for my final project I will try to open up myself to public and produce something very emotional. My film will cover my emotions and my life alone in United Kingdom since coming over. I plan to talk about my inner world. I want to share my feelings, fears and deepest thoughts when I’m alone. Hopefully, I will be able to open up myself and reach out to audience. To create my film, I will be using all acquired skills throughout the studies. I will apply my previous experience with creating animations to produce a fine quality artwork. The final artwork will be a short film with my own voiceover and acting.

In the creation of film I will be trying to apply all techniques that I have learnt: from crafting to creating an animation. All acquired skills will assist me in achieving this goal. I plan to make this film by myself, at home, showing my personal space and my surroundings. I hope that this will make video even more personal. I plan to film on my Nikon D5500 camera and edit on my MacBook Pro. Possibly, in this project I will be moving on to more serious software like Final Cut Pro. I will be doing additional research on this, using my previous finding and experience. The production will involve many «test cuts» and experiments. I will need to practice my acting, selection of video filters, and correct angles to make sure desired effect of emotion is achieved.

My starting point is creation of an action plan, in which I will have a step-by-step goal setting to make sure I will time myself properly and achieve all set targets. I will have a calendar with set goals for certain dates to make sure all deadlines are met. In addition to that I will be keeping a reflection journal to review my weekly progress. Foundation of my Final Artwork is in-depth research of the psychological problem.

I understand that teenage depression based on loneliness is a huge and popular problem amongst my generation. Some people, like to pretend they are in depression, because it makes them look «cool», «special» and «unique». Some do it because their favourite music puts them in that kind of mood, but to others it is an everyday struggle, constant pain and sadness that won’t go away. Those are people that I will be talking about.

I am planning to conduct a deep research on depression and ways of coping with it. My film will not only show my own feeling, but will look out for audience that has experienced the same. One of the ideas is to leave some hope at the end of the video.

My main influences are «message» videos amongst web. The deep though behind some really touches me, especially when topics relate to myself. I cannot pinpoint any movie in particular, it is the whole idea of displaying my inner self on the screen that grasped me. Normally, I am not a very open person, but through art, films and animations I am able to communicate with the audience.

Research will mostly be based around depression. I want to understand the best way of displaying something that cannot be just simply shown. I will conduct primary research in the library, understanding the problem itself. Will find articles on depression amongst young people, caused by loneliness. Hopefully I will be able to visit exhibitions that touch on personal emotions being displayed, similar to British Art Show 8 in Edinburgh. There were artist who use media as their way of communicating with audience. I will be returning to my previously collected information, pictures, videos and notes from our visit there. I still remember the artist who impressed me the most: Imogen Sidworthy, Yuri Pattison and Benedict Drew.

To help me with feedback and reassurance that I am moving in the right direction I will be conducting a questionnaire amongst my friends, students of the college and other people around me. Questionnaire will be my additional research on the topic. From my past experience it helped my project a lot.

As secondary research my plan is to find artists, who work around the same topic. My main goal is to understand colours, ways of displaying mood and finding the right words to describe this complicated emotion. The greatest source would be web portals like Vimeo and Youtube, where artists freely share their artwork.

Additionally, I plan to find ways of adding special effects to my film in a creative way - possibly homemade filters and lighting. I will be doing experiments to see what works in helping to achieve desired mood. This comes in hand with finding presentation methods. I will be looking at ways on how other artists display their artwork.

As a final outcome I want to produce a deep film. I would love to display my artwork in a dark room, where viewer will be left one on one. I want viewer to put headphones on, concentrate on my voice and submerge in the content of the movie. The idea is to establish a strong connection with the viewer and to make sure that nobody will be left indifferent. Taking past experience in consideration, I want to make sure that soundtrack is heard, as it is very important. Presentation will be simple but will thought behind it - I want to let people «inside my head».

I am very excited to make this idea work and really want it to be my «grand finale».

I will be talking about things that normally are kept silent and time has come to show my story, my emotions and real me.

Kristina Platonova

Art&Design Level 3 Year 2

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