#I just read the Odyssey so it hits ALL THE HARDER

[formosusiniquis]

this doesn't have a title cause it's late and I have work in the morning. this is a surprise gift for @cauldronoflove cause her fic last week and the whatever is going on with this show did something to my brain (positive) wc: 860 | T | pre-Max/Avery/Tristan (odt3?)

“Welcome to Eyes Wide Shut week, doctor.” Tristan's smile pulls up higher on the right side, Max’s side, as he wiggles his fingers in a wave at a woman boarding. Her dress is tight as her hold on her husband's arm. She's older than him, easily old enough to be Tristan’s mother.

“Don't call it that,” Avery chides, still it's hard not to miss the amusement that sparkles in her eyes.

“That's the Tom Cruise movie?” He finds himself asking. He hadn't read the briefing, he never reads the briefing, far preferring this rundown where his experienced team tells him what he actually needs to know.

“So he knows the finer details of the Barbie Dreamhouse but not one of the best Cruise films to date?” Tristan muses.

That earns an actual reaction from Avery. Max can feel the smile playing on his own lips as her eyes widen and she leans enough to see around him to stare at Tristan, mouth dropped open just a breath in her disbelief. “Not Interview with the Vampire?”

“I did say ‘one of.’ I can like more than one thing.”

“Oh yes, I forgot you hit two of the B's for your little poker game.”

The quip is right there for the taking and something about the two of them has made it harder and harder for Max to resist taking. “Our Tristan is pretty butch, isn’t he?”

Pleasure ripples across Tristan’s face instinctually accepting the compliment implied with the claim before the next wave crashes over top of it, him catching the tease.

“Funny.” There’s a charm to his scowl. If Tristan weren’t so handsome when he was mad, he wouldn’t be so fun to rile up. As it stands, there’s a light in his eyes as he plans his next comeback, and the tight draw of his brow somehow compliments the line of his jaw. “Maybe you'll find someone who appreciates your wit during this year’s swingers week.”

“That’s what this week is?” He can feel his smile in his cheeks and his eyebrows arching up his hairline. In the milieu beneath their feet he watches with fresh eyes the way the boarding couples greet one another. The way greetings linger, hands on elbows and kisses pressed to cheeks.

“Officially,” Avery says, a warning note in her voice that the fondness on her face betrays, “we are hosting high ranking guests from several fraternal orders.”

“And unofficially?”

“Priapism is the diagnosis of the week.”

A grin that's all boarding school charm melts across Tristan's face. “Good thing for your steady hands, Doctor Odyssey.”

His own smile turns small, his face feels warm as he takes his eyes off his crew and looks back down at the boarding passengers. Faces with the bland similarity that he associates with wealth and power. A former Midwestern Senator moving around the floor holds his focus but not his attention.

That is devoted to the memory of Avery, laid out on his table. His fingers alongside Tristan’s inside her, her life in their hands.

“I thought swingers were couples.”

“Yes, that’s the point.” Avery says.

“No, I just mean that couple was just making eyes at Tristan.”

“Some are just looking for a third,” he says, lips twisting into something coy. “Have you ever known me to deny a damsel in distress?”

The former Senator has found the woman that smiled up at them in the mezzanine. A scowl has found Max’s face and his hand has found Avery’s. Their knuckles graze against one another, seeking comfort in a way that’s becoming increasingly common. He thinks he could pick their hands, strong and sure, out of a line up. 

He understands more than ever the bright flashes of green eye irritation every time he and Avery emerged from a room with a locked door. Tristan laid out against white sheets with… He doesn’t even want to finish the thought.

“Don’t tell me you’re a prude, doctor.” A coy smile grows wider, teasing. Mirth and something Max has come to recognize as curiosity dance across his face, in the lines beside his eyes. 

Tristan keeps his attention on Max, but with every brush of hand against hand he knows his answer will be for both himself and Avery.

“Personally, I think the only couple I’ll worry about pleasing this week are my nurses.”

It’s not been long, but they react the way he would have predicted. Avery scoffs, smacks the back of his hand with hers before crossing her arms across her chest, playing at annoyance and disapproval. Tristan, who’s need for approval and fickle attachment Max understands much better after meeting his mother, gapes any witty retort he might have managed stolen by the blatant way the thing they have been dancing around has now been laid out like a patient on the operating table.

“Now, is there anything other than fine gauge needles we should be preparing? Antibiotics? Some compresses? Condoms?”

As he wanders toward the elevator his team follows. The previous topic not forgotten but transmuted, changed in his favor like the tide beneath him. It’s something he thinks he could get used to.

[teddybeartoji]

i have a questionnnnn

do you like video games?

and do you know baldur's gate 3 and final fantasy 7?

i got into those during my last vacations and idk why it never occurred to me to ask you even tho i am obsessed with astarion and sephiroth (it's always the white haired guys my taste is so predictable) and cloud but that's another thing

the characterization in both of those games is soooo good especially if you watch almost everything ff7 related like i did (takes a while though)

anyways i felt you could do them justice if you were to write about them, especially astarion. ngl i was very disappointed when i went on socials, as usual, to consume content about the media i just watched and i was very shocked in a bad way

not by the quality, there's just tons of thirst edits for example and while i agree his character is pretty and everything, it kinda hurt cuz it just went against his WHOLE character arc ... i was very disappointed with the fandom haha

same with sephiroth, though i didnt resent as much cuz his story isn't about the fact of being sexualized against his will

UGH I LOVE BOTH OF THEM SO MUCH. SORRY FOR THE RAMBLING -

anyways yeah i love media in general, series/movies/games you name it as long as there's a story or just one character that i rlly like i'll love it

so i was wondering what games you liked... or media in general at this point, except the movies you posted about

also no pressure but is there a system with asks? are they removed from your inbox if you answer them? are they automatically deleted after some time? just to know cuz i haven't gotten an answer to mine and i'm scared i might've said something bad! esp since i read badly your rules and didn't see a negation and maybe said smth about looking forward to a next part :') smh

HELLOO NONNIEE:3333 I LOVE VIDEO GAMESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i have only heard abt baldur's gate and final fantasy sadly!!!! i have nothing against them they just don't necessarily seem my type of games.. BALDUR'S GATE CHARACTER CREATION SEEMS SO FUCKING FUN THOUGH OMFGGG

and i've definitely seen and heard a lot of astarion!!!!!!!!!! i've also seen some stuff abt him being really overly sexualized right????? his character seems so cool i would love to get to know him better wahh i really do wanna try baldur's gate one day!!!!!!! and unfortunately i only know sephiroth by name too:((( i'm sorry to disappoint u nonnie baby:(((

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH VIDEO GAMES I LIKEEEE!!!!! my all time favourite is definitely the last of us part 2!!!!!!!!!!!! i am on my like... sixth playthrough on that lmao i'm doing it on grounded so yk wish me luck!!!!! anywayy i ofc like the first one too but man.. the second one hits harder for me tbh. then i really fucking love ghost of tsushima, i'm actually replaying it rn too hehe.

honorable mentions go to rdr2, until dawn, the newest dead space remake, god of war, disco elysium, the resident evil games, assassin's creed (i know a lot of ppl don't like these all that much but idk i think they're really fun!! esp black flag and odyssey)(ok i am biased bc these were like my first games ever lmao), days gone (this is another that most think is rather lame but again.. i think it's really fucking fun i have nothing against it) aaaand death stranding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaahh so many games damn i might've forgotten some but these are some that i really love!!!!!!!!!!!! i have played almost all of them multiple times too lmao that's crazy

for overall media i'd just give a lil shoutout to the 'mindhunter' series on netflix!!!!!!!!!!!!! i absolutely fucking looove that show!!!!!!!! i've seen that multiple times too i love the characters and just the way it's done overall!!!!!!!!! also 'manic' i think that's a netflix one too.. that's a really short one but idk it changed me okay i think it's fucking great

OMGG AND WAAAHHH TRUST THAT I STILL HAVE YOUR ASK!!! I AM JUST REALLY SLOW WITH ANSWERING THEM SO I AM VERY SORRY ABT THAT!!!!!!! and you definitely haven't crossed any lines either, so it's one hundred percent on me!!!!!!!!! the thing is that i get a bit overwhelmed when i have to answer things which sounds ridiculous bc I LOOOOVEEEE TALKING TO YOU GUYSSS my brain just sucks okay i'm sorry

[thesummerstorms]

So I didn't start reading comics as a kid.

(lots of rambling beneath the cut, though having just finished after writing, maybe the take away is 'N52 was not actually inviting as someone trying to get into comics for the first time'.)

At one point in high school I had some Green Arrow/Black Canary back issues my former step dad bought me when we went into a comic book store at complete random (he bought my then 9 year old brother Simpsons comics and then we never went back) but I was broke teen with no job who did not live in that area and did not pursue much further.

I didn't consider picking up comics until I was in college, and then I mostly started with Marvel because it was early days of the MCU and I saw a lot of the movies with friends. Other than Winter Soldier, I wouldn't say most of them stuck with me or were the best movies ever, but it did get me interested.

The DC movies on the other hand did not get me interested. The DC live action movies mostly sucked.

DC got my money, however, due to my childhood obsession with Dinah, specifically, from Justice League/Justice League Unlimited. (And her relationship with Ollie, I guess, but I wasn't super interested in him without Dinah.) PLUS my preteen fascination with the 2003 Teen Titans.

(That one was harder to carry over because as fun as the 2003 series was the characters were very different lol. They do NOT go into "Robin" and "Starfire's" full traumatic back stories or more adult characteristics in the 2003 stuff.)

So I just looked to see what my first DC purchases on Amazon + Comixology even ended up being and...

I clearly made my first attempts pretty soon after New 52? There is a New52 Batgirl book in the list right above Birds of Prey.... And then nothing DC for literal years.

So much Marvel and Star Wars, even a few non Big 2 things. No DC except rentals for the animated movies and shows.

I bought one digital issue of Green Arrow/Black Canary in 2014, and then DCdoesn't show up on my Comixology account until 2016 with Wonder Woman Rebirth.

Even though that whole time from 2014 on I was still buying the main SW comic, Darth Vader, Princess Leia, Wicked + Divine. I was buying anything I could with Black Widow (the Rucka book was a favorite, and I also read whatever the series was called with Bucky as Cap, dating Natasha. I kept that trade for a while, too.)

Apparently I didn't even pick up RHATO (which I mainly read bc a) sale and b) bulk purchase until then c) what the fuck is happening to Starfire morbid curiosity means I need to see it end) until 2018.

But you could not like at any point call me serious about the actual DC comics (again, I watched ALL the animation) until I apparently bought every single volume or issue of the 2016-2019 Green Arrow run (I cannot REMEMBER any of the plot, but I definitely READ all of it) , which finally lead somehow to the 2009 Batman and Robin run (which I bought and read all of in the span of a few days in 2020), then DCeased and Justice League Odyssey.

And now I'm actively trying to go back to some of the older stuff + looking for current publications to read. (I want to like Titans but it's very very hit and miss for me. I read one volume of TT's Nightwing and gave up.)

But like, I just feel like I could have very easily been an "easy" new fan for DC to grab since I had literally never heard of Marvel before the MCU but grew up with all the DC characters. My Uncle is STILL Superman's number one fan, my ex-uncle (? Aunt's ex husband) would throw any DC with Batman at us that he could when we were kids.

But I bounced SO HARD off on New 52 that they literally could not get me actually hooked until 2020, even though I started buying comic stuff in 2014.

[skoople]

I definitely know what executive disfunction feels like when you try to read. So here's one of the options I use for reading when I only have my phone on me and I cant make myself move.

AUDIOBOOKS ON SPOTIFY:

Did you know that there's thousands of audiobooks on spotify? And not the crap they advertise that you have to pay for? All of these audiobooks are completely free.

Another World Audiobooks

The latest titles theyve done are classics like Emma, A Christmas Carol, and The Secret Garden. All of these are way better with voices than trying to squint over 9pt font.

English 1HR Audiobooks

A name so generic you might think it's fake, but it's real! I've been using this to listen to Sir Ian McKellen read The Odyssey.

Karla Reads The Classics

Unlike most lists of The Classics, this includes readings of books written for younger audiences like Bridge to Teribithia and The Giver, and even newer titles like We Were Liars. Karla has a wonderful voice, and her readings are in 10 minute segments, which are much less intimidating.

If you're looking for a specific book, just search it and it might be available! If it's in the public domain (e.g. Frankenstein, The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, The Wizard of Oz) there's usually multiple audiobooks completely for free. Privatization works hard but LibreVox works harder!

A really nice feature of audiobooks on spotify is the ability to change the speed.

Just hit that button circled in red and you'll be able to speed it up or slow it down however you like. That moon button is a sleep timer, which means you can put on your audiobook right before bed and not have it play too far ahead.

It's not the very best selection of audiobooks (youd have to use your library card number on Libby for that), but it's a great selection and independent creators make it better every day. It's accessible, legal, and free.

[shorkbrian]

Creep

Prelude - bitch hold on what about mean brother Shigs being an absolute creep? Inspired by me playing a boss in AC Odyssey and my controller vibrated so hard I almost dropped it, and I couldn’t beat this dude and it was so freaking frustrating!!!!!! 

Pairing - Shigaraki X Reader

Warnings - - INCEST, NSFW, innocence kink, do not read if those squick you out bro!!! Seriously! abuse of trust, dubcon, noncon, literally nothing about this situation is good, or healthy, or nice. Disgusting behavior is exhibited by Shigs.

Music - (does anyone actually like when I provide music? I like getting music vibes while I read through fics but ik that my music taste is a bit wacky lol anyways). https://open.spotify.com/track/0ODyahnUlK9G5bT4dA5NCI?si=10R9ggoJS1inYidrMeWrHA

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He offers to let you play his Xbox game, you keep annoying him by pouting for his attention and he gives up with trying to ignore you.

Stipulation - you gotta sit on his lap while you play, you’re such a stupid little girl that he forces his hands over yours, showing you how to use the Xbox controller while sneering at how dumb you are.

You’re too focused on the game to pay attention to how one of his hands has dropped from the controller, is creeping up your thigh, thumbing at the hem of your shorts. You don't realize that he’s plastered against your back, breath picking up in your ear as he hunches over your shoulder, thinking of all the dirty things he wants to do to you, how you’re too absent-minded to realize how much of a perverted creep he is. 

“Shit!” You curse, breaking Shigaraki out of his thoughts as you bounce your leg in frustration. He feels the slight vibration of the controller - you’re getting attacked in the game, enemies surrounding you and hacking at your player. Shigaraki is too entranced by how he can watch your jiggling breasts over your shoulder, jostling around as you jerk your arms, trying to not die in the game.

“Nii-san help me, ‘m gonna die!” You shriek, whole body getting into the gaming experience, jerking around in his lap as you struggle to press the right buttons. Shigaraki tries not to groan - he can feel the space between your thighs as you move around, hot and doughy and he wants to touch so bad.

Yeah, he’s always been a bit of a creep, but he’s never actually done anything to you.

The most he does is fantasize, thinking about how you’d feel clamping down on him, how’d you’d taste if he made you ride his face. What you’d look like if he forced his cock into you with barely any prep - you’d squeeze your eyes shut so tight, let out little whimpers and clench your fists because “Hurts, hurts! Go slow Nii-san, don’t want this!”

But he wouldn’t have to listen, you’re just a naive little girl who doesn’t know that Shigaraki would be trying to make you feel good too, that it would feel good soon.

“Stop wiggling, you’re gonna fall off.” He rasps back at you, taking his other hand off the controller to grab your waist, barely saving you from keeling over and onto the floor. You’re left to fend for yourself now, button-mashing, groaning when you finally succumb to your enemies and die a violent, gory death.

“I died! Why didn’t you help, you’re right here?!” the accusatory tone of your voice is ignored as you revert to the last save, huffing in frustration as you’re forced to start over.

“You’re never gonna learn if I’m holding your hands like that.”

Shigaraki’s glad you’ve stilled again - if you’d kept up your wiggling, he’d have to figure out a way to explain what the hard thing poking into the side of your plush little rear.

God, you had the most perfect ass.

Maybe he’s a freak, a disgusting man with fucked up morals, but Shigaraki’s always been a social outcast, seen as weird and wrong and criticized for every little thing he did.

What’s wrong with settling into the role other people were so quick to offer him?

Surely you’ve noticed his odd behavior by now, the behavior that’s picked up in the last few years. How he stares at you a little more than he should, how sometimes he slips into bed with you, murmuring some lame excuse about not being able to sleep.

The way he freezes when you give him an affectionate hug, clenching his fists by his side as your breasts are squished up against his body.

You had to have caught on to his uncharacteristic softness with you. He’s still mean and coarse and rude, but there's an underlying affection underneath the way he mocks your outfits, when he says you look like the gross character out of a manga he’s reading, how he tugs on your hair sometimes when he passes by you, wheezing out a laugh if you turn around and try to slap at him in irritation.

If you didn’t want him to be weird, you could’ve said something by now. You should’ve said something by now.

So really, it’s your own fault that he feels so comfortable being a sicko.

“Don’t tickle, I gotta focus.” You tell him, squirming away when he runs a hand experimentally over your stomach. You’re so cute, and dumb, he wants to bully you until you’re crying, say mean things and hurt your feelings only so he can kiss it better. 

But he doesn’t, because he’s a good brother.

His hand travels further up, rests right underneath your breast, almost cupping it. Still, you don’t say anything, attention on the game.

Do you want this? Are you just stupid? His affection is so obviously not normal for siblings, and yet you act like it’s fine. Maybe you’re a virgin, untainted with the knowledge of how sexual touches feel like.

The hand on your waist begins to slip under your shorts, his cold fingers quickly warmed by your skin. “Nii-san, stop that, it’s weird.”

Ah, there’s the common sense.

“I though you wanted to play the game? Don’t be a bitch.” He doesn’t really care whether you want him willingly now or not, he’s getting excited by the heat of your body, your weight on his lap.

You pause the game when his hand creeps lower into your shorts, when his fingers skim low over your tummy, too close to a private place that brothers shouldn't touch.

“Stop touching me, I don’t like that.”

“It’s not like you wouldn’t enjoy it.” He mumbles, and you stiffen in his lap, but he quickly takes his hand out of your shorts, stops cupping your soft breast.

The game gets unpaused, and you resume playing, although your attention is divided now, nervous about sitting in your brother’s lap.

Has it finally clicked? Are you thinking about what he could do to you, how he could make you feel?

“You suck at this.” Shigaraki observes, the controller shaking almost violently as you’re attacked again, overwhelmed by enemies.

“Well, maybe if you taught me how to play instead of being weird, I wouldn’t be.” You snarked, frustrated with the game, uneasy with your brother holding your hips like that.

Shigaraki rolls his eyes. You’re so dramatic, and although you have a valid point, he’s always been weird. This is nothing new, you’ve just been too thick-skulled to realize it before, which isn’t his fault.

A few more tries, and you still can’t get past the one group of enemies, dying after a few minutes every single time. You’re going to waste the batteries like that, controller jumping in your hands. 

“I can’t-” You whine, coming across the enemies after your latest death, already knowing what’s going to happen.

Shigaraki stays silent, red eyes finally flickering away from your body and up to the screen of the TV. 

You’re at one of the hardest parts of the game, facing a section that took Shigaraki two days to beat (not that he’ll tell you that). He grins as you throw yourself into the fight, immediately getting decked.

The noises you’re letting out are cute, frustrated groans on each hit landed on your player, muttered curses and triumphant scoffs whenever you manage to strike an enemy, which isn’t often.

The controller’s still shaking like crazy, and you’re moving around in his lap again, and Shigaraki is done. He can’t take this anymore, you’re being a tease.

He snatches the Xbox controller out of your hands, ignoring your little “Hey! What’re you doing, I was playing!”

“You call this playing?” The shuddering of the controller surprises him, gives him an idea.

There hadn’t been a plan, he had just been acting on instinct, hands itching to push you off his lap and to the floor, just to see the way you’d look up at him after. 

Like that, you’d be in the perfect position to suck his cock.

But he wants to go in a different direction now.

“Stay still, you’re so annoying.” He’s spreading his legs out, sinking back further in his chair to get a better angle, your legs hooked over his.

There’s no time for you to protest. Like this, you’re spread out nicely, exposed, even though your shorts cover your intimate place.

Without any further preamble, Shigaraki shoves the vibrating controller up against your clothed cunt.

“NIi-san!” You shriek, immediately writhing in his hold. But Shigaraki has an arm locked around your chest, keeping you pinned to his chest. “Don’t, think sins’t-this isn't-! Stop this, stop! Don’t touch me!”

He can bet it feels good, that you’re struggling to tell him to stop. He begins rubbing the controller against you, snickering at the way you jolt and writher on each pass of the hard, curved plastic against your protected clit. He can’t even imagine how good it would feel if your stupid shorts weren’t in the way.

“Stop, stop! Stop it! Stop!” You sound like a broken record.

“Shut up, you can’t even play the game right. Feel that?” the controller gets rubbed harder against you, and you writhe. “That’s how bad you are. So pathetic, can’t even fend off a couple of bad guys.”

Can’t even fend off one, Shigaraki thinks to himself. You could be trying harder to get out of his hold, could be screaming and yelling and scratching and kicking.

Well, you are scratching and kicking, moving around so much that he’s having a hard time keeping you still. And you making a lot of noise, but there’s no one else home.

He’s fully hard, and every movement you make struggling rubs him right up against the meat of your ass, and he sucks in a stuttered breath, biting his lip.

“No, no, no, no, don’t want this Nii-san, stop it-” Your panicked pleas are ignored, Shigaraki shoving your hands away as you try to pull the controller off of your cunt, get the vibrations to stop.

On screen, the player is still getting attacked, each new hit making the controller vibrate even harder.

“Ow, ow! It hurts, make it stop! Nii-san-”

“I’ll gag you if you don’t stop complaining.” Shigaraki seethes, feeling irritation creep up. “It hurts because you’ve never felt this good before, idiot.”

He remembers the first time he’d used something on his dick. It was your toothbrush, unsurprisingly, the one that vibrated with three different speeds and made you so proud of your pearly whites.

It had been so overwhelming, he couldn’t even touch the back of the head to his cock. At times, it felt so good it had hurt, had completely blinded his senses and leave him in a puddle of his own cum and sweat, panting.

So Shigaraki understood what you were trying to say - your inexperienced body needed him to slow down, ease up a little. But your gross, nasty brother wanted to ruin you.

Your character on screen died, resulting in one last heavy vibration that made you sob, thighs struggling to snap shut, hands desperately pushing at Shigaraki.

He felt you convulse in his grip, could practically feel the way your little hole was clenching as you gushed all over yourself, whining and moaning at the pleasure.

Your character was sent back to the last save, the game on a loading screen.

But Shigaraki wasn’t done.

He was still hard against your back, rubbing himself off as best he could, but he was finding his own pleasure in watching you writhe on his lap.

The controller was tossed to the side, nimble fingers sliding over your shorts, Shigaraki laughing at what he found.

“You’re so wet, holy fuck. That’s disgusting, wow.” You were drenched, the fabric of your shorts completely soaked with your juices. You only sobbed out a pitiful noise, maybe trying to deny it, but Shigaraki wasn’t listening. He was too busy rubbing over the wet spot, gleefully feeling you up. It was easy for his fingers to find a comfortable, mind-numbing rhythm, so used to playing games and deftly pushing buttons, using sticks and joysticks, directional pads and the like.

You were rocking against his hand unconcsiously, body unable and unwilling to decided whether to pull away or push closer - you had just cum, but that didn’t negate the vicious, heady sensation that his fingers brought.

Shigaraki quickly grew bored of this though, unable to ignore his dripping erection. He had never been a patient man, quickly removing the hand stimulating your swollen pussy so he could pull his cock out of his sweatpants.

With a quick movement, your shorts were tugged down, your brother completely pushing past your refusal to lift your hips, burning your skin with how forcefully the fabric was ripped down.

“Nii-san, what are you doing-you can’t, you can’t!” You cried, renewing your struggle when you felt skin against skin, his cock hot and velvety as it rested against your cheeks. “I don’t wanna do this, don’t make me do this-”

“I don’t care. I’ve tried to be good, and it’s like you don’t even care.” The man ground out, beginning to rut his hips against your ass. It was dry, and it didn’t feel great, but it was more than enough to satisfy Shigaraki. “I barely touch you, I keep my hands to myself-”

Which was a lie. Late at night, when he was sure you were fast asleep, he’d touch, just a little. Rubbing your nipples, feeling them peak under his touch. Feeling the curve of your waist, skin soft against his dry palms.

“-I wouldn’t stare either, but you wear those stupid shirts-” The deep cut ones, the ones that showed off your cleavage and allowed him weeks of jerk-off material.

“So annoying, just a stupid little imoto that follows me around, you just want attention.”

He knows you don’t do it on purpose. You aren’t trying to make him see you in a sexual light. But maybe that’s what makes it all the more appealing, how naive and innocent you are.

Fuck, he’s getting close just thinking about your purity, how much you don’t know, how much he could teach you.

He doesn’t know a ton, but Shigaraki knows enough about what feels good for him, and you probably wouldn’t want to learn, but he deserved something nice every once in a while, didn’t he?

The drag of his cock between your ass cheeks was making him loose his mind, the slide too rough, but it felt delicious and stimulated him just right, pulling at his foreskin and spreading his precum into a sticky mess on your skin.

“Fuck, stay still, lemme feel good-” His voice was choked up, still holding it’s usual nasal resonance. 

You sobbed in his hold, his fingers still playing over your shorts, exploring, keeping you occupied and frozen with sensation while he got himself off with your body.

And then he was breaking, splurting his seed all over your lower back, watching it come out of his cock in shaky squirts, painting your skin a cloudy white.

Shigaraki groaned, eyes transfixed to the sight before him. It was hard to keep them open, body shaking with little snaps of pleasure in his veins, in his stomach.

On the bed next to his thigh, the controller started shaking again. Panting, Shigaraki raised his eyes to the TV screen as you slumped against him, softly crying.

Your character was getting attacked again.

“Let’s keep playing.”

And the vibrating controller was pressed to your bare cunt, making you scream.

He’d have to wash it after this, but he figured it was worth it in the grand scheme of things

[megashadowdragon]

Commentary on reddit :

To summarize, Marfisa is basically what you’d get if you combined Penthesilea and Achilles. She starts out as a whirling, if lucid, maelstrom of destruction until she becomes something else; an inverse of Roland being a mostly perfect knight before he abandons chivalry in his explosive grief.

Instead of being taken in by an overprotective wizard, Marfisa was briefly raised by a lioness, adopted soon after, kidnapped and made a slave by a Persian king at age 7, killed her master when she was older, violently took over his kingdom, and then violently conquered several more kingdoms by the time she was 18.

Some writers, even some today, would take her as is. #YAASQUEEN (literally) Knight. Put her up against some strawmen/caricatures and wait for a movie deal. But way back in the 1500s, Ariosto took this character, who was little more than a thug in Orlando Innamorato, and gave her an arc that took her beyond murder and self-fulfillment.

A harder life created a much harder person than Ruggiero, but it also instilled in her a much more mercenary outlook. Tiring of her overlord duties and hearing of the immense war between Charlemagne and the Saracen Kingdoms, Marfisa pilfered the coffers of her subjects and abandoned her empire to challenge the greatest knights either side had to offer.

As a queen with nigh-limitless funds and muscle that allowed her to battle Roland to a standstill, she is a shockingly unencumbered figure in a tale where almost everyone answers to someone, but that freedom becomes a kind of cage as well.

She changes sides constantly, sometimes fighting for the Saracens and sometimes fighting against them. Her one-track mind for combat causes her to gormlessly attack heroic knights and accidentally help slavery ring kingpins. She is also quite vindictive, attacking anyone for slights that range from actual to accidental to simply perceived.

There is hope for her though. During an adventure with Astolfo (who she was on good terms with after allying with him briefly in Innamorato), she, he, and three of his fellow Paladins wind up in Laiazzo, an Amazonian colony 10,000-strong which enslaves shipwrecked men to act as their pet champions and breeding stock (1 man “works” for 10 women). Newcomers can either try and fight their way out or they can slay 10 “servants” in single combat bloodsports, fornicate with a 100 citizens, and earn the privilege of serving the Amazons.

Marfisa (who the Amazons believe to be male because of her armor and mask) is nominated by her companions to do all the fighting. Some take this as a nigh-feminist occurrence where Astolfo and his friends acknowledge a woman (and one not of their ranks no less) as their better in battle. Others believe this is Marfisa having her bloodlust being taken advantage of by the Paladins ala Tom Sawyer so they can do the much more enjoyable 100 women thing as she takes all the hits.

Marfisa kills all but one of the Amazon slave knights and in respect of her skills, he offers to let the group stay the night at his place before they resume their duel the next day.

They learn that in spite of his strength, the knight is barely out of his teens and is terribly depressed with what his masters have made him do. If he wins, he kills a great warrior and remains a slave. If Marfisa wins, then she and the others will become slaves. The Amazons win either way.

This similarity to her own backstory causes Marfisa to feel genuine empathy with someone she had moments ago tried to murder. It might be the first time she’s ever felt it. She muses that if she were to reveal her gender, the Amazons would likely accept her as one of their own or let her go free, but she won’t tolerate such naked vileness, even if it would benefit her.

The next day, she, her new ally, and the Paladins fight to free themselves and the other captive knights despite how outmatched they clearly are. When the fight goes south, Astolfo sounds his dread horn that is cursed to make all who hear it flee in fright (Agartha, baby). He neglects to tell his companions that it affects everyone who isn’t him, and EVERYONE on the island flees so suddenly and swiftly that by the time Astolfo is done blowing (his horn), he discovers he’s been completely abandoned.

Take a look at this illustration (NSFW) by Gustave Doré detailing the escape. That shadowed figure in the background on the hill? That's Astolfo. And that smirking sentinel leading the slaughter? Take a guess.

But the story isn’t done with Marfisa yet. She falls in love with Ruggiero. She gets beaten by Bradamante, her shallow vindictiveness no match for the true wrath of a woman scorned. She sees Ruggiero getting between her and Bradamante in spite of being much weaker than either of them in hopes of stopping the two from killing each other. She witnesses Atlante’s shade, the wizard having entombed himself Merlin style and seemingly disowned Ruggiero for ingratitude at his attempts to raise and protect him, return from beyond to reveal the truth of how she’s Ruggiero’s twin sister to stop the three-way death match.

Throughout this odyssey, this bellicose beauty beholds how courageous a lesser warrior can be, how much and how deeply a man and woman can love each other in spite of distance and difficulty, how a father’s love can be so strong that it can forgive the insults a son sends its way, how painful failure is, and how having a brother feels.

These higher emotions and more complex relationships help her see that there’s more to life than battle. They also inspire her to mature as an individual.

When she, Ruggiero, and Bradamante come across a licentious lord who abuses the women in his domain, they don’t simply overthrow him but reform his society. Rather than let the women completely take over as the Amazons showed her that tyranny is unisex, she demands egalitarianism. Equality. And warns she’ll kill them all if they stray from that path. Hey, baby steps.

Decent extrapolation but it kind of makes me feel like it was written from Cliffsnotes instead of directly reading Furioso.

Within the book it's just said that Marfisa was insistent on fighting the champions on the island of women warriors. It was required that the same person perform both tasks and is supposed to be humorous because Marfisa just heard, "Fight ten strong guys, I am so there" and literally zoned out on the other half. The text also states that the entire group is fortunate they decided to break out, since Marfisa would obviously fail the second trial.

Marfisa, again, was a major fight nut which is the reason that conflicts rose between her and other Saracens. Such as when she had her sword stolen by Brunello and threw off her armor while chasing him, she started a fight by grabbing her arms without saying a word when a contest of martial valor was going on over them - and she is so in love with combat that instead of explaining anything she just started fighting. Or how it was Mandricard who challenged her since she was convinced into one of the few times she wore women's clothes with some friends so he assumed she was a lady and one of her beauty, Mandricard wanted to offer to Rodomont in order to get his romantic rival out of the way. Marfisa merely said that Mandricard had to defeat her personally. Well, in short, it's that the Saracen camp was filled with in-fighting. Shit, when she and Mandricard were about to have their duel, both Ruggiero and Rodomont broke in and EVERYONE wanted to duel EVERYONE over something.

Also it's never mentioned of her falling in love with Ruggiero. Just that the two had a strong bond that the Saracens misconstrued as being romantic love. She only goes out to fight Bradamant because her obviously established love of combat and also that the woman was screaming her name in bloody murder. It's literally when Marfisa is going to confront Bradamant that it mentions the phoenix she wears on her helmet has the meaning that she wants to remain invincible and single for her entire life (as an aside, she killed her slaver and his family and his kingdom out of vengeance when he tried to take her chastity).

As an aside, Ruggiero is on the same level as Marfisa, definitely not "much weaker." There's a reason the Saracens sought him specifically out as an ally despite his being locked away in a tower. When he and Marfisa fight side-by-side the text clearly treats them as equals, and they also view each other as worthy equals.

[bopinion]

Book of the month / 2021 / 08 August

I love books. Even though I hardly read any. Because my library is more like a collection of tomes, coffee-table books, limited editions... in short: books in which not "only" the content counts, but also the editorial performance, the presentation, the curating of the topic - the book as a total work of art itself.

Through a different Lens

Stanley Kubrick (& Sean Corcoran, Donald Albrecht, Luc Sante)

Photography / 1997 / Taschen Publishing House

Every now and then, I sentence the kids to watch movies that I think are relevant - whether from a personal or a cinematic point of view. While my little son tends to be served light fare like "Blues Brothers," my big daughter sometimes has to chew a little harder, as happened the other day with "2001: A Space Odyssey." Her enthusiasm was a bit restrained, even if I exclaimed about 23 times, "That movie is from 1968. There were no special effects then, it's all actually built!".

Even regardless of that aspect, this epic can be considered groundbreaking. From the genre reference of the classical music background and the excellent script, to the technological authenticity and the almost psychedelic color scheme, to the revolutionary camera work. Above all, the visual composition of this film is the true mastery of director Stanley Kubrick, who is not considered one of the most important filmmakers of all time for nothing. Of course, I also have the matching book in my library ("The Making of Stanley Kubrick's '2001: A Space Odyssey'", also from Taschen, of course), but this time it's about another work of this visually powerful creator: his early work, photography.

"In the Streets of New York" is the title of the publisher's documentary "Through a different Lens" on the occasion of an exhibition of the same name at the Museum of the City of New York. For it was there that Kubrick, just 17 years old, went on his first stalk of optical impressions. In 1945, he signed on as a photographer for the magazine "Look," for which he photographed stories with a human touch in the streets, clubs and sports arenas of New York City for five years. In the process, he captured with his camera just about everything that made up life in the Big Apple in that era: People in the laundromat, the hustle and bustle at Columbia University, sports stars, showgirls in their dressing rooms, performers in the circus, Broadway actresses rehearsing their lines, cab drivers changing a tire, couples kissing on the train platform, shoe shine boys, boxers reconsidering their career choice in the ring corner, patients in their dentist's waiting room, prominent businessmen, politicians, children in the amusement park, and commuters on the Subway.

Even these photographs from Kubrick's younger years reveal a startling sense of composition, tension, and atmosphere, and seem like film stills to never-shot dramas from the jungles of the big city. "This exhibition reveals how (Kubricks) formative years laid the groundwork for his compelling storytelling and dark visual style. They also show a noir side of New York that's no longer around." (Vanity Fair) "Photography, and particularly his years with Look magazine, laid the technical and aesthetic foundations for a way of seeing the world and honed his ability to get it down on film. There, he mastered the skill of framing, composition and lighting to create compelling images," explains Sean Corcoran, curator of the exhibition "Through a different Lens" and co-author of the book. Apparently, it was clear to the young man from the very beginning where his talent lay and how he was able to hone and master it.

Stanley Kubrick was born in New York City on July 26, 1928, as the first of two children. His parents came from Jewish families, and all of his grandparents had immigrated from Austro-Hungarian Galicia. His early passions were excessive reading, cinema and chess. He was first gifted a camera, a Graflex, from his father when he was 13 years old. And he immediately took off as a photographer for the William Howard Taft High School student newspaper. After graduation, he turned his hobby into a career and at the age of 18 became a full-time photographer for Look, to which he had previously sold amateur photos. As early as 1950, Kubrick directed his first documentary, "Day of the Fight", about life in and around the boxing ring, which he had already explored photographically. Although only 16 minutes long, the film was already considered a sensational study at the time. His future career path was set, the rest is history.

"Through a Different Lens" was an extremely successful exhibition, which subsequently also went on tour. Not only Kubrick fans were impressed by the mastery of optical staging that was already visible at an early stage. Corcoran: "Kubrick learned through the camera's lens to be an acute observer of human interactions and to tell stories through images in dynamic narrative sequences. (His) ability to see and translate an individual's complex psychological life into visual form was apparent in his many personality profiles for the publication. His experiences at the magazine (Look) also offered him opportunities to explore a range of artistic expressions. Overall, Kubrick's still photography demonstrates his versatility as an image maker. Look's editors often promoted the straightforward approach of contemporary photojournalism at which Kubrick excelled. It's clear he always got the photographs that were needed for the assignment, but that he was also unafraid to make pictures that excited his own aesthetic sensibility."

Beyond the 100 photographs in the exhibition, the book presents 300 of Kubrick's images, including unpublished shots and outtakes. Annotated by Corcoran, his colleague Donald Albrecht, and renowned writer and critic Luc Sante, who has published most notably in Interview and Harper's. They place the motifs in their context, refer to stylistic aspects, and thus point to Kubrick's (imminent) artistic career. Above all, in contrast to the exhibition, the book offers all friends of photography - whether fans of Kubrick or not - a rare insight into the proverbial pioneering early work of a brilliant artist. And into one of the most interesting eras of the "city that never sleeps" - yes, even Frank Sinatra was photographed by young Kubrick.

From the extensive, mostly euphoric reviews of the book "Through a different Lens" or the oeuvre documented in it, let's take one example each from a professional and an amateur:

"The man who later led a genre to its lonely high point and at the same time to its final point with each of his films knew already at the age of barely 17, that's how old he was at the time, that expression and form shape every impression." (Die Welt)

"I can't praise this book enough. Wonderful collection and very informative. An absolute must for those wishing to understand more of how Kubrick valued the frame." (Yvi on amazon.com)

P.S.: Just for the sake of completeness, let's mention Kubrick's cinematic output after his breakthrough: 1960: Spartacus / 1962: Lolita / 1964: Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb / 1968: 2001: A Space Odyssey / 1971: A Clockwork Orange / 1975: Barry Lyndon / 1980: The Shining / 1987: Full Metal Jacket / 1999: Eyes Wide Shut. No, this is not a selection of greatest hits, this is a complete listing. And thus the proof that he has indeed realized a significant peak in the respective genre. His great influence on the history of cinema is also shown by the fact that he is the only director to appear a total of five times in the list of the 100 films with the best critics' ratings.

In addition, two side notes: Kubrick spent several years preparing a film biopic about Napoleon Bonaparte. The preparations were so far along that he could have started production at any time. However, the release of "Waterloo" (1970) and its poor financial results dissuaded him and the film studio from the project. The project has since been known as "The greatest Movie never made". He also dealt intensively with the subject of the Holocaust. After the release of "Schindler's List" (1993), however, he discarded these plans explaining that Steven Spielberg had already told all the essential.

Stanley Kubrick died of a heart attack on March 7, 1999, in his home at Childwickbury Manor near London, where he had lived in seclusion since the 1960s and had set up studio and editing rooms in the former stables.

Here's a short trailer for the exhibition "Trough a different Lens":

https://youtu.be/EgPlnjeBs7E

[sinterblackwell]

kaylina’s top ten books of 2020 🖤

update 01/13/21: i stupidly forgot about a book that upended my life and made me fall in love with historical fiction, and so thus,,,everything has changed 😔

what that means is that a few of the original titles listed here have either been moved around or removed; i apologize to myself for the inconvenience. i do recommend reading through a bit of this again if you already read it the first time as i also revised my thoughts on one book mentioned here, so just something.

one of the things i wish for the most in 2021 is that i get to share more about my love for reading, so here’s the first post of many to satisfy that wish. 

throughout 2020, i wrote some posts on a complete whim about the stories i was reading and they just kept piling on and on because i was so caught up in the euphoria of having something to turn to when school was dragging me down. i found myself to really enjoy talking about these books while i was on here so i felt it would be a worthwhile conclusion to give a good wrap-up of the top ten books that made 2020 more bearable among all of the bad.

this post is very long so if you’re curious to see what ten books stood out to me this year to make it to this list, you can keep reading in the cut below. it’s all sort of a ranking so it’ll explain why the list is backwards, and i’ll also link more information on the titles in case any of you are interested :’)

first things first, here are three honorable mentions that didn’t quite make the cut but are still important to me one way or another.

3. circe by madeline miller

i have to give thanks to scylla for being one of the main reasons i considered this book as one of my top favorites, a nymph-turned- monster that circe has to face more than once in this story. 

also, miller herself building this book upon a figure who was barely considered in the odyssey is like a big slap to all the scholars out there who didn’t consider circe anything else but a jealous madwoman who used sorcery as her vengeance for all the sailors who came across her island. 

cheers to the author for having actual critical thinking skills 🥂

2. the invisible life of addie larue by v.e. schwab

i did write a review for this book that i don’t find nearly as coherent as any other review i’ve written in 2020 but here it is if any of you are interested. 

the fantastical elements of this story, along with some of the portrayal of certain characters such as luc and those that passed addie by made me fall in love with what v.e. schwab had to offer.

however, i can’t help but think that there’s s a lack of depth regarding minorities in this historical fantasy also set in the modern day. there were bits and pieces of this story that made me pause and feel like something was missing, aspects to it that left something to be desired. thinking back to it now, and after seeing a reviewer’s update on their review of this story, i‘ve come to understand that it could be because i knew this book could’ve been so much stronger if the mc was BIPOC or there were more characters of color who could give their own piece to the story as well.

there’s so much more i can say about it, but that’s a post entirely of its own to be made in future, i hope.

1. the year of the witching by alexis henderson

probably the best reading experience i ever had in 2020. here’s a review that goes into a bit more detail :’)

and here we go!!

10. clown in a cornfield by adam cesare

this book was so fun. i didn’t realize how much of a good time with this story i had until i was thinking about it last night. i mention in my review that i’m not a big horror reader but you can genuinely tell how much the author themself was a big fan of the genre and poured so much of their love into this book. it’s because of that love that i’m grateful for how much i enjoyed this story as a reader who typically is drawn more towards fantasy and contemporary fiction.

i didn’t have much of an attachment to the characters but they did make me laugh and smile despite this being a slasher horror, and because of that, this has become a pretty memorable book for me.

9. sex with shakespeare by jillian keenan

sex, to me, has always felt like a taboo topic, not just because i don’t have experience in it but because it all seems so complicated to me so just talking about it feels like i’m way out of my depth. what made this such an enlightening read for me was seeing how the author was discovering her sexuality through the influence of shakespeare’s works. keenan is very open and considerate of what readers may think going in learning about her fetish but she holds her own when it comes to her personal experience and how much more complicated one’s sexuality really is.

i highly recommend reading this article she wrote for the new york times here for more insight about her sexuality before this book came to be. 

in this compelling memoir, the author literally brought shakespeare’s own characters to life and made them feel real, connecting them to her journey throughout her life. this to me, was something i could completely relate to because there are fictional characters i envision in moments of my life where i need them most and seeing the author herself explore that felt so real and imaginative to me. 

this book was funny, light-hearted in some parts but incredibly vulnerable overall. i found the insightful analyses she’s made with shakespeare’s works so smart and well-written, i couldn’t give this book anything less than a five-star.

8. blood water paint by joy mccullough

written in verse, this historical fiction took me a while to get through but only because it was just one of those weeks where reading wasn’t that easy for me. once i finally got back into the stick of things, i completely devoured the rest of this story in less than a day. 

the main character’s love for art was written with so much vision and spilled out in all these bright colors as depicted on the cover. what i particularly loved about this story were the interludes, little pieces inbetween chapters where the main character reflects on her deceased mother’s stories that were told to her when she was young. these characters that the mother envisioned in her storytelling became a source of light for the main character in her real life, where she then is raped by a popular artist in her village that was a mentor to her for a brief time. the aftermath of this assault culminated into a trial that got quite bloody, particularly involving self-afflicted torture in a matter of dignity.

the title makes sense once we’re in the aftermath of this trial, but how the characters from her mother’s storytelling come to life in the moments when she feels vulnerable are something i was completely enraptured in. this was because it wasn’t just their stories being told, but it was also the main character’s. seeing fiction and reality converge in such a time where women were used and borrowed felt like a vindication of sorts, very telling in how the arts works wonders upon a world that prioritizes logic over matter. 

7. everything i never told you by celeste ng

this is a story about a family who’s dealing with the grief of the middle child, who’s assumed to have committed suicide. having the story reflect on each family member before and after lydia’s death, each of them dealing with grief in their own ways, impacted me just the same as how i saw how much they were grieving even before everything was torn down to pieces, all to the point where there was no way to go back. family sagas in literary fiction are always something i find myself to really connect with, and this one was no exception.

i’d also recommend listening to “ven” by cami, if not because you yourself might understand my feelings about this story a bit better then just because it’s a really good song that i discovered as i was reading this book. 

6. darius the great is not okay by adib khorram

there’s one particular post i made regarding this story that i’d love to share here. through that post, i share a bit about my connection to darius as our narrator in this first book and then going on to the second book, “darius the great deserves better”, review for that sequel here. 

just as darius felt a disconnect to not just his persian side of the family, but also from his entire family as a whole, i felt the same when it came to my dominican heritage. reading his journey throughout this first book in his own voice meant a lot to me then and it means a lot to me now.

seeing him grow and create bonds with characters like sohrab, his depression not being put off to the side but not beholding itself as the center of the story, and then just the persian culture all in itself when darius and his family travel to iran due to personal circumstances--all of it, makes this story something so incredibly special to me. 

i learned a lot from this book, and seeing family at the forefront throughout all this was everything.

5. autoboyography by christina lauren

lo and behold my 2020 comfort book of the year + one of my favorite books of all-time. it’s the same feeling i had with “verona comics”, except even stronger because i came into this book thinking it’d be a nice and light read but it was so much more than that. 

not only did this story center around two teenage boys in love but it also took into account of the relationships that they both had with other characters in this story. the portrayal of both tanner and sebastian’s families moved me beyond belief, for entirely different reasons, but seeing their story play out along with these two characters made this story hit even harder than i would expect. the location of this story and the significance of that plays such a huge role when it came to how tanner’s bisexuality was represented throughout, and how sebastian’s own grapple with his sexuality affected parts of the story. the author’s note at the end was just about anything i could ever want when it comes to understanding the purpose of one specific story, except i already learned so much from it that reading that note made the characters feel even more real.

may i suggest listening to “someone” by michael schulte because the lyrics of this song and the singer’s voice itself remind me strongly of tanner and sebastian’s relationship? which thus led it to becoming a big comfort song for me? so much so that it was my 2020 song of the year on spotify? no? yes? cool :’)

4. clap when you land by elizabeth acevedo

this was my first acevedo book, “the poet x” being her most popular work, but “clap when you land” for me too important a read that i didn’t want to miss as i was first going into acevedo’s writing. you can say that it’s because of how much this book means to me that it motivated me to read her sophomore novel “with the fire on high” and motivates me to finally read her debut “the poet x”. 

i’ve talked to myself a lot about the personal connection i have with this book, but i’ll just say here that the context behind how these two main characters weren’t aware of each other’s existence and what it meant as they were also dealing with the fact that their now-dead father was still there for them despite having them in two different places,,,,,it’s just too monumental for me to put into words here. this author being afro-latina just like me and having written this story about a flight destined to dominican republic that never actually made it, and with so much heart above it all, i connected with it a lot.

as a dominican who feels both connected and disconnected to her heritage, this story breathed so much life into me. i wish you can know just how much. 

3. lobizona by romina garber

the fact that i thought everyone would talk about this 2020 release with so much fervor and yet here i am holding the weight of this story with both shoulders,,,,unbelievable. i always feel insecure when it comes to recommending a book because the fact that i thought this one was incredible but not a lot people have talked about it, it makes me wonder why that is.

i really loved this book because as fast of a read as it was, there was so much to take in that you can tell how much effort the author put into it. as a fantasy, it’s connection to our reality is so grounded that it makes you wonder if it actually exists, and the background of our main character raises the stakes of a story like this where one’s identity matters too much to simply be blurred into the background. i loved seeing how there was animosity between these characters that we meet and the main character because despite having ties between each other, that doesn’t ignore how much labels in our society and the connotations that come with it carry its weight. seeing the sacrifices that were made and the discoveries coming at our main character with such a force, there was something so exciting that came from reading this book but it was very solemn overall.

the reason why this story isn’t at the #1 spot is because of technicalities, as i do admit that the ending did feel a bit rushed. but!! it made me more excited to see what’s to come in the second book of this series, “cazadora” (set to release in august 2021) so there we have it. 

2. black sun by rebecca roanhorse

inspired by the pre-Columbia Americas, this story and its different narrators enraptured me in each and every page, my love for naranpa and serapio as characters soaring beyond the pages. all these different narrators appeared to have started this story as if they had no ties to each other but really, these web of characters are so interwoven with each other that there’s no telling what their destinies reveal. seeing how naranpa and serapio’s fates were tied together (not romantic, just a note in case i made it seem as such) put me on edge because there was so much political conflict and then here was a prophecy that put so many lives at stake, it was hard to know what could possibly happen. because of this, the ending of this first book in the “between earth and sky” series absolutely bowled me over and i cannot wait to see what could possibly happen next.

let me also just show my appreciation for one of the narrators, xiala, who for some reason made me think for a brief moment that her part in the story was over but really, that could not be further from the truth, i have to believe in that. 

here is a review written by one of my favorite book bloggers about this story, listing five reasons as to why reading “black sun” could be an absolutely brilliant reading experience for you. it’s much more detailed and brings so much justice to this story than i ever could so if you’re interested, i highly recommend you check it out.

1. “lovely war” by julie berry

a mythic historical fiction that explored ww1 spanning a circle of characters, including the greek gods themselves—it was bound to catch my attention.

the beginning of this story immediately solidified my interest in the plot, the gods and aphrodite herself regaling the tale of mortals caught in the brink of a war that not only came with death and terror but music and bonds formed under strenuous circumstances.

watching as this journey didn’t exclude the gods themselves and how they were affected in what’s ultimately a love story, but not exclusively a romantic one, made this book become something so close to my heart, i’ll never let it go. i highly recommend.

~

and we’re done!! thank you to those who’ve read this far, this was actually a lot of work with a lot of links but i hope there’s something that you guys got out of it in the end. i’m really proud that i did this but i’m more proud of myself for having read so much in 2020 to have even been able to make this post. 

thank you to all the new characters i met who will stay in my heart forever but most importantly, my thanks go to the authors who worked so incredibly hard to get their books out there, some with debuts and others with a beginning of a new series; you guys have done so much among all the trials of 2020 and i, along with so many other readers, will continue working to get your stories out there this year and the years ahead, that’s for sure. 

happy new year to all of you and stay safe, everyone. 

[tigerkirby215]

5e Alistar the Minotaur build (League of Legends)

⚠️ WARNING: THE FOLLOWING BUILD USES CONTENT FROM THE MYTHIC ODYSSEYS OF THEROS SOURCEBOOK. DO NOT OPEN IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SPOILERS. ⚠️

(Artwork by Riot Games)

Wow is Alistar’s champion title really just “the Minotaur?” Like damn I know he’s an old champion but other old champions have titles like “the Dark Child” or “the Frost Archer” or “the Barbarian King.” Calling Alistar “the Minotaur” is like calling Yasuo “the Wind Sword Guy”, or calling Blitzcrank “the Robot”, or calling Amumu “the Sad Mummy.” ...Wait...

GOALS

Pulverize - Alistar’s an old champion with a very simple kit. Hit people, hit them some more, and hit them a third time for good measure.

Trample - The bull has a lot of CC at his disposal with tons of ways to keep enemies at bay.

Triumphant Roar - Ali’s main “supportive” mechanic is the ability to heal himself and his allies in the middle of a teamfight.

RACE

This may be surprising to hear but Alistar is a Minotaur, which is a race in Guildmaster’s Guide to Ravnica but I suppose it got reprinted in Mythic Odysseys of Theros. Your Strength increases by 2 and your Constitution increases by 1. You have Horns that you can use for an unarmed strike that do a d6 piercing damage instead of the bludgeoning damage of a regular punch, and if you dash 20 feet in a straight line you can make an unarmed strike as a bonus action with Goring Rush.

Most notably as a Minotaur you get Hammering Horns: Immediately after you hit a creature with a melee attack on your turn you can use a bonus action to attempt to shove that target with your horns. You can push the target up to 10 feet away from you unless they succeed on a Strength saving throw. The creature can’t be more than one size larger than you and has to be within 5 feet of you.

You can also speak, read, and write both Common and Minotaur, and get your choice of either Intimidation or Persuasion proficiency thanks to Imposing Presence. Of course we’ll be choosing Intimidation but feel free to opt for Persuasion instead if you think it will be more useful.

ABILITY SCORES

15; STRENGTH - You’re a big bad bull whose powers include punching people, headbutting people, and stepping on people... not like that.

14; CONSTITUTION - You’re a tank as well as a support, and Constitution is required for tanking.

13; CHARISMA - You’re a big scary purple monster, and while you could probably convince your DM to be intimidating with Strength Charisma is a requirement to multiclass.

12; DEXTERITY - Not the most in-character since Ali is a slow dude, but DEX is required for AC.

10; WISDOM - You smack people a bunch; you don’t ask them about their feelings. Wisdom could help you with Animal Handling though since you are an animal.

8; INTELLIGENCE - You smack people a bunch you don’t read books.

BACKGROUND

Alistar’s backstory has been through the wringer so many times which is to be expected of an older champion. But apparently now he’s an Outlander seeking vengeance for his tribe? Regardless you get Survival proficiency but I’d actually recommend swapping the Athletics proficiency for Animal Handling since we can’t get it elsewhere, and it makes sense for the cow to be good with animals. You also gain proficiency in an instrument and a language of your choice. Again whenever we make warrior types I always recommend Drums, because I doubt those big hooves can play a lute.

Your background feature Wanderer is kinda like Laberintian Recall from older versions of the Minotaur. You can recall the general layout of the terrain around you, and can find food and water within reason. Alistar’s just generally a cool dude; he seems angry but I don’t doubt he’d be willing to help you out if you got lost in the mountains.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - PALADIN 1

Starting off as a Paladin for a variety of reasons. But regardless of the reason you get proficiency in two skills from the Paladin list: take Athletics from your class instead of your background. Any other skill makes sense so pick whatever you think will be useful. (I opted for Insight personally.)

As a Paladin you get Divine Sense, letting you use an action to detect any celestial, fiend, or undead within 60 feet of you that is not behind total cover. You can use this feature a number of times equal to 1 + your Charisma, so twice. For some Relic Shield healing Lay on Hands gives you a healing pool equal to 5 times your Paladin level. You can heal a target you touch for any amount of health as an action, up to the remaining total of your Lay on Hands pool. Alternatively you can spend 5 health to neutralize a poison or disease, because a good support knows when to grab Mikael's!

LEVEL 2 - PALADIN 2

Second level Paladins get a Fighting Style: to remain in-character it would make the most sense to take Unarmed Fighting from the Class Feature Variants UA, but there really isn’t much reason to use your fists over an actual weapon (especially since you have horns) so I’d suggest grabbing Great Weapon Fighting instead. Use a Maul since it’s a heavy weapon that does bludgeoning; so it’s practically like you’re punching them!

You also get Spellcasting as a Paladin: you can prepare a number of spells equal to your Charisma modifier plus half your Paladin level (rounded down) so... not a lot. Bless will let you boost your allies by setting enemies up for them... that’s how I’d flavor it at least. If you want to take things into your own hands Thunderous Smite will let you empowered your next attack to do bonus thunder damage and force the enemy to make a Strength save or be knocked prone. Is your spell save really bad because your Charisma is so low? Yes!

But naturally we’ll be ignoring most of those spells for Divine Smite! When you hit a creature with a melee weapon attack, you can expend one spell slot to deal extra radiant damage in addition to the weapon’s damage. The extra damage is 1d8, plus an additional d8 for the level of the spell you use. So a level 1 spell does 2d8, level 2 does 3d8, and so-on. Additionally if you hit an undead you do an extra d8 of damage! Fight toe-to-toe with Mordekaiser for a battle of the tanks!

LEVEL 3 - PALADIN 3

Third level Paladins get Divine Health, making them immune to disease, which is good because you’re bound to catch a cold by running around shirtless. (Except you should be wearing armor for now.) But more importantly you get to choose your Divine Oath, and I did say we’d be using content from Theros so... Oath of Glory! As a Glory Paladin you get the Guiding Bolt and Heroism spells innately.

You also get two Channel Divinity options: Peerless Athlete will give you Advantage on Strength and Dexterity checks for the next 10 minutes... and I’m obligated to tell you that advantage on Athletics will let you shove people better to try to knock them over. Inspiring Smite however will let you make a Triumphant Roar when you hit an enemy with your Divine Smite. Roll 2d8 and add your Paladin level: you can distribute this pool of temporary hitpoints among your allies however you wish.

LEVEL 4 - PALADIN 4

4th level Paladins get another Ability Score Improvement: I’m going to suggest increasing your Charisma and your Constitution by 1, putting them both at even scores.

With the increase to level and Charisma you can also prepare more Paladin spells: Compelled Duel is a good way to keep foes close and CCed so your allies can fight them, and Cure Wounds is a good way to keep those allies in the fight!

LEVEL 5 - PALADIN 5

Paladins get an Extra Attack at 5th level, letting them attack twice when taking the attack action.

You can also prepare and cast second level spells now: as a Glory Paladin you get Enhance Ability and Magic Weapon innately. Hit hard and resist any incoming damage!

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 6 - BARBARIAN 1

Okay I know I usually like to start the builds for shirtless characters with Barbarian first but half of Alistar’s skins give him armor, and Paladin levels simply gave us more to work with. Regardless: Barbarians can go shirtless with Unarmored Defense equal to 10 plus your Dexterity and then plus your Constitution.

Of course we’re not just here to go shirtless in Seattle: as a Barbarian you can Rage a number of times per day as shown on the Barbarian class chart. While raging you have advantage on Strength checks and saving throws (which yes our Channel Divinity could also do) and do bonus damage when attacking with a strength weapon. But the most important thing is that you have resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage while raging, meaning that your Unbreakable Will will keep you in the fight!

Note that you can’t cast spells while raging, nor can you concentrate on them. You can still benefit from any spell effects that aren’t concentration though, and more importantly you can still smite! What’s more important though is that your rage will end if you don’t take damage or attack someone for a full round. Beyond that your rage lasts for one minute, so keep in the fray while absorbing every incoming blow!

LEVEL 7 - BARBARIAN 2

Second level Barbarians get Reckless Attack, allowing them to attack with Advantage at the cost of being attacked with Advantage. You know what Advantage means? A higher chance to crit. You know what more crits means? Harder smites, as the smite damage gets doubled! You’ve got the health to take hits, so why not hit them hard?

In addition you get Danger Sense, giving you advantage on Dexterity saving throws against effects you can see. Don’t be a dummy: dodge skillshots you can see coming.

LEVEL 8 - BARBARIAN 3

Third level Barbarians can choose their Primal Path. You’re meant to be a tank so naturally Totem Warrior. As a Totem Warrior you get a Totem Spirit and the Spirit of the Bear gives you resistance to all damage but Psychic. (I suppose you can consider Psychic to be True Damage.) Yup it’s a tank build so of course we’re going Bear Totem Barbarian.

As a Totem Warrior you also get Spirit Seeker, allowing you to cast Beast Sense and Speak with Animals as ritual spells. See I told you the Animal Handling proficiency would help!

LEVEL 9 - BARBARIAN 4

Regardless of your class you get an Ability Score Improvement at 4th level, so with 4 levels in Barbarian it’s time for a... Feat! No not Athlete: I’m actually going to suggest the Resilient feat in Strength this time. You’re a tough guy so naturally you can wrestle toe-to-toe.

NOTE: I opted for Resilient in Strength since it’s unlikely you’ll need to concentrate on spells much. (As you’ll be Raging most of the time.) But if you want better concentration checks feel free to take Resilient in Constitution instead. The last ASI was in both CON and CHA, so you can opt for CHA and STR instead.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 10 - PALADIN 6

With our ultimate in-line it’s time to become the ultimate support! Level 6 Paladins get Aura of Protection, granting allies in a 10 foot radius a bonus to saving throws equal to your Charisma modifier. So again: not much. But it does benefit you as well!

Additionally you can prepare another spell: Lesser Restoration will let you cleanse minor CCs from your allies... or yourself.

LEVEL 11 - PALADIN 7

As a Glory Paladin you get Aura of Alacrity at 7th level, making you and anyone within 10 feet of you move 10 feet faster! Alistar’s a pretty slow boy, but there’s no reason to look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe you’re not fast; maybe everyone else is just slow?

LEVEL 12 - PALADIN 8

8th level Paladins get another Ability Score Increase so it’s time to cap off that Strength modifier for the hardest hits possible.

LEVEL 13 - PALADIN 9

So you could’ve prepared another spell at the last level but I didn’t mention it because there isn’t much at 2nd level we want. But regardless you can prepare third level spells now! As a Glory Paladin you know Protection from Energy innately for a Knight’s Vow, but much more importantly you get Haste! Buff your ADC, or buff yourself to attack at lightning speeds!

Speaking of ADC buffs: Crusader’s Mantle will give you and all your allies within 30 feet an additional d4 radiant damage on their attacks. You can’t cast it while raging but you can have it up normally to further support the team.

LEVEL 14 - PALADIN 10

10th level Paladins get an Aura of Courage, making it so that you and allies within 10 feet are immune to being frightened. No scarecrow is going to scare you! And you can prepare another spell: Spirit Shroud is an Unearthed Arcana spell that works a lot like Randuin's Omen, slowing enemies within 10 feet of you by 10 feet. On top of your Aura of Alacrity you can easily keep foes at bay, especially since you do an extra d8 of damage (Necrotic or Radiant) to enemies you hit!

LEVEL 15 - PALADIN 11

11th level Paladins get Improved Divine Smite, doing an extra d8 of Radiant damage with all their attacks. Despite the name of this class feature it doesn’t activate your Inspiring Smite feature; sorry.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 16 - PALADIN 12

12th level Paladins get another Ability Score Improvement, so for more tanking increase your Constitution.

Speaking of tanking you can prepare another spell: Aura of Vitality will let you spend a Bonus Action to heal anyone within 30 feet (including yourself) for 2d6 health, for a whole lot of Triumphant Roars.

LEVEL 17 - PALADIN 13

13th level Paladins can prepare 4th level spells. As a Glory Paladin you can cast Freedom of Movement to ignore CC, and Compulsion for some CC of your own.

LEVEL 18 - PALADIN 14

14th level Paladins buy a Mikael's Crucible to use Cleansing Touch, allowing them to end a spell’s effect with a touch. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your Charisma modifier before taking a Long Rest.

And another spell to prepare? Sure! Aura of Purity gives your whole team CC reduction!

LEVEL 19 - PALADIN 15

As a Glory Paladin you get Glorious Defense at 15th level. When you or another creature you can see within 10 feet is hit by an attack roll, you can use your reaction to grant a bonus to the target’s AC against that attack, equal to your Charisma modifier. If the attack misses, you can make one weapon attack against the attacker as part of this reaction, provided the attacker is within your weapon’s range. You can use this reaction a number of times equal to your Charisma modifier. Man this class has a lot of features based on Charisma... shame we didn’t increase it much.

LEVEL 20 - PALADIN 16

16th level Paladins get our last Ability Score Improvement so I’d suggest capping your Constitution for a 20 health increase and maximum tanking!

And you can prepare one more spell at this level: Staggering Smite is perhaps the ultimate knockup, doing a ton of Psychic Damage on a hit and also giving the target disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks for the duration, and it can’t take reactions until the end of its next turn.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Gargoyle Stoneplate - This is certainly a tanky build! Over 200 health and a positive modifier in every saving throw, all on top of Bearbarian Rage to halve all incoming damage!

Locket of the Iron Solari - You also have a lot of support and utility. Inspiring Smite alone grants 2d8 + 16 temp HP to your party, and you have a huge variety of healing spells at your disposal.

Lich Bane - Unlike Alistar in League you can hit very hard! A 2d6 weapon with Advantage and Smites will let you break some skulls. (Side note: if you want to be more supportive try investing in CHA instead of STR to boost your auras and spells.)

CONS

Lord Dominik's Regards - Even with the high Constitution mod your low Dexterity means that your AC is subpar. You may have the health to spare but you’re going to be hit a lot.

Blade of the Ruined King - Let’s talk brains: you’re not good at them. Raging stops you from concentrating on spells, and most of your spells are concentration. More importantly you had to dump both mental stats, and while your saving throws are still okay thanks to Paladin levels you’re not going to be succeeding on any History checks.

Guinsoo's Rageblade - Ultimately while Raging lets you absorb a lot of damage the investment in Barbarian makes this class insanely MAD (Multi-Ability Dependent) and raging can do as much harm as it can help. The requirement for Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, and Charisma means that something ultimately ends up dropped. If you can make this build with Point Buy (dumping the hell out of your mental stats) then it’s great, but with such a low Charisma a lot of your Paladin features end up being subpar.

But you’re the support. If you were good at everything you’d just carry yourself. Keep the enemies at bay and your allies in the fight. If you go down it’s a job well done! Space created! But do your best not to feed, obviously.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

[nightwingshero]

Meet the Muse

I was tagged by the amazing @shallow-gravy thank you, dear!!!

|| The Basics ||

Name: Wren Marie Blake Seed

Nickname(s): Dep, Wren Marie (only Adelaide can call her that), Rook. Pet names from John, which includes: Love, darling, dear, and little bird. 

Age: 28

Species: Human

|| Personal ||

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral (overall, I suppose? It changes over time, but I guess this is the most accurate)

Religious Belief: Agnostic for the most part. She believes in some sort of higher being, but meh. She’s not very religious. 

Sins: Lust / Greed / Gluttony / Sloth / Pride / Envy / Wrath

Virtues: Chastity / Charity / Diligence / Humility / Kindness / Patience / Justice

Primary Goals In Life: Wren’s goal is to just...start over. She wants something different in her life, to forget her past and bury it deep.

Languages Known: English, some Latin

Secrets: She definitely has secrets, and some are already known, but I don’t want to get too into them without giving anything away. But her father was not a good person. At all. He was never supportive...and it was just all bad. He got sick, and while it was touch and go for awhile, the doctor’s believed there was a decent chance for him to recover. But she had him pull the plug anyway, in her way believing he deserved it and she never looks back.

Quirks: She’s constantly listening to her playlist. She keeps her phone, even if there isn’t any service. She’s always humming or singing something, and her fingers either drum to the beat or she taps them as if she were playing a piano. 

Savvies: Wren is a natural when it comes to throwing knives, and she doesn’t really know why. It started out as a contest with Sharky and Hurk, but was quick to pick up on it. She ended up getting specialized knives after that. She’s pretty fast and flexible, excellent with stealth. She can talk her way out of a tight situation, and is very witty and cunning.

|| Physical ||

Build: Slender / Scrawny / Bony / Fit / Athletic / Herculean / Babyfat / Pudgy / Obese / Other

Height: 5′4”

Weight: 130 lbs.

Scars/Birthmarks: Wren has scars on her wrists and inner thighs from a past of self harm. She does gain newer ones as she fights in the Holy war. She gets some scrapes here and there for sure, though, and eventually get a cut on her hairline. Wren has a total of 8 tattoos. A tree on her left side that extends down to the upper midthigh with a branch ending under her breast, a group of burgundy peonies between her right hip and naval, a blue bird make of music notes (a gift from John), vines and flowers on the side of her wrists, a birdcage on her right inner forearm, a flock of black birds on her left inner forearm, and the scales of justice on her upper back and shoulder blades. (Considering giving her an Eden’s Gate tattoo, tbh)

Abilities: Killer aim with knives and a bow (thanks to Rowan and eventually Jacob), rather flexible and light on her feet, good at landing quick punches. She’s a bit of a prodigy with the piano, she’s silver-tongued and able to talk her way out of things or to navigate conversations with ease, and can be a bit cunning. She’s quick to think on her feet when trying to come up with a solution or a plan.

Restrictions: She’s terrified of heights. Always has been and always will be. She only trusts John and maybe Nick when it comes to flying (sorry Addie). She hates the bliss, it shows her things that are too painful and hit too close to home for her. Wren is also bad at letting her need to be loved and accepted to make her vulnerable to being manipulated. She seeks approval and it can and has been used against her. She has a harder time opening up about her emotions because she’s too scared of the consequences.

|| Favorites ||

Favorite Food: Pasta and seafood. She also loves steak, and is a sucker for sweets.

Favorite Drink: She loves the pacific punch flavored Monster, tea, hot chocolate, white wine, and bourbon.

Favorite Color: Burgundy, Blue, and sometimes black. She wears a lot of black with other colors. But its mainly different shades of blue and burgundy.

Favorite Music Genre: Wren likes a little bit of everything because she loves music. But she likes older rock (older music in general), pop, electropop, and alternative rock. She also likes baroque pop. Artists that are included but not limited to: Halsey, Lana Del Rey, Billie Eilish, NF, Imagine Dragons, Pearl Jam, Johnny Cash, The Beatles, Queen, and Hozier.

Favorite Book Genre: She likes horror, so she loves Stephen King. She has read almost everything by Jane Austen, and both The Iliad and The Odyssey. She’s a sucker for the classics. She does enjoy reading Nicholas Sparks (and she lowkey read the Percy Jackson books because its Greek mythology) and she loves Edgar Allen Poe.

Favorite Movie Genre: Horror! She LOVES scary movies. John watches them with her all the time, and makes fun of her for the corny ones. She loves documentaries and The Office, too. She watches a lot of Game of Thrones, The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, and Archer. She also likes drama and emotional movies.

Favorite Season: Autumn and Spring

Favorite Butt Type: Something she can grab a hold of. As long as she can get a good squeeze and smack, she’s good.

Favorite Scent: Floral usually, but she also loves apple, cinnamon, vanilla, sandalwood, and citrus. Also John, but I guess that’s a given.

Favorite Quote: ��Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.” Edgar Allen Poe.

|| Fun ||

“Boss” Theme Music: Blood In The Cut by K.Flay or Nightmare by Halsey

Loud Burper or Soft Burper: Loud / Soft / Neither

Sings In The Shower: Yes / No

Likes Bad Puns: Yes / No

Tagging: @chazz-anova @joeyhxdson @xbaebsae @simonxriley @seedlingsinner @returnofthepd3 @fadedjacket @trialandseed @minilev @larasfaith

[one-of-us-must-be-crazy]

I gotta. I just gotta... 23...

“We have to be quiet.”

this is pretty not okay for reading in public and I’m on some serious cold meds. Good Luck! AND I AM SORRY.

Layover at Gateway Station wasn’t on the booking information for their vacation to Mars. The only active resort on the budding colony for tourism rather than general agriculture development. But there was a beautiful and crystal clear blue ocean, with stellar entertainment, and Amanda had never been to Mars.

It’s not a honeymoon, he wants to think, continues to think as an annoyed Amanda starts unpacking her suitcase in their cramped cabin that made the officer’s quarters on the Torrens look like luxury. But this is their first vacation since Davis had broken into Luna’s government archives to slip in false documents for him, for them both, including a marriage certificate. Amanda Tei Ripley-McClaren and a Christopher Samuel McClaren. “We’ve got the last name of your stupid typo, be glad I love you.” Didn’t matter, not really, not to either of them.

“You’re only going to have to pack that up again in a couple days.”

“And until then, I want something nicer to sleep in,” she fishes out a crumpled wad of pink tissue paper, and he watches intently as she shoves them into a shower caddy and takes her robe from the case too.

“Where are you going?”

“Showers.”

“Why?”

“Well we’re stuck here for a full twenty-four hours,”

“Only another twenty,”

“I want to freshen up.”

“Okay…” 

An hour and she still isn’t back, hopefully washing off her annoyance. He writes a little, in the nice leather journal with the antique fountain pen Amanda had gifted him the previous holiday. The light’s low in the cabin but his eyes don’t need too much. There’s a slight reflection off of the new-gold of his wedding ring. Wedding ring. Something like that should never be placed on something like him, but here he was, his nature both ever present and something only vaguely brought to the surface when necessary. 

The door clicked open with a slight hiss and a slide, and Amanda walked in. He could tell from the sound of her footfall, the rate of her breath and heart, exactly who it was. He’d know her approach fully blinded and possibly even deaf. 

But he wasn’t deaf now, and his hearing picked up the soft plush sound of her robe hitting the floor. 

“Amy?”

“Yes?”

So this was what she wanted to keep wrapped in the gaudy paper while he was packing. True, he infinitely preferred her in nothing at all, but she liked this…prelude, these rituals to romance. Black straps of some shiny material criss-crossed her cleavage and nearly-flat stomach, hooking into maddening patterns of more crisscrossing over lace shorts that left little to wonder–not that he had to, with perfect fidelity memories of her in every state of dress and situation. Her black painted nails on display flat against the door behind her, eyeliner on too–not that he particularly cared, again, one way or another about her aesthetic choices, he wasn’t conditioned that way, and found her, in any healthy form, appealing for her own sake, but this was a lovely shift from her short-fused anger from earlier in the day.

“Christopher?”

He takes one more full moment to drink this view  in, her sharp lines and soft curves the lace panels of the top over her breasts connected with corset hooks. Human hands would tear them, but he could still make quick and careful work of them.

“Yes?” gods, the shadows playing on her skin along with all those alien lines was wreaking havoc in his visual processing and he loved it.

“Do you like it?”

“That…is an absolutely…ridiculous question.” It occurs to him, that this was her attempting to seduce him, and some hiccup of warmth boils in his chest. He’d blush if he could, but he can’t, and Amanda’s cheeks get a touch rosy in a way he thinks suits her fantastically. 

“How long do you want me to keep them on?” her cocky smile could decommission him. Two years together, and he’s not sure how it hasn’t yet.

“But I thought–”

“That I promised we’d actually get out some on this trip?” she bit her lip to keep from smiling too widely. 

“Yes. That. When we stayed at that cabin on Terra, we spent….most of it indoors.”

“Not fair, entirely, if it didn’t snow so badly, it wouldn’t have been so bad.”

“Bad wasn’t the word for it…” he doesn’t know a word for what that had been, the snow was terrible, fine, but four days trapped indoors with her, he vaguely recalls Odysseys being stranded on the island of a sea goddess. Amanda would laugh if he tells her though, and he says nothing. 

“Well, why don’t we just get it out of our systems now?” She trails her finger tips down the outfit, if the collection of lace and cords could be called as such, and goosebumps rise on her soft flesh as he takes a step closer. 

“I wouldn’t mind a few late mornings between our excursions once we’re there,”

“Good. But now I’m really worked up and I fought myself into this fucking thing, and the surprise is ruined,” her eyes change from playful to full of some softer emotion that drills into him. “I want you.”

“Take me,” he says, half unaware of what he said, but his hands don’t start on her corset hooks before she has his belt undone and pants open, her hand down his boxers and wrapped around his stiffening length. Her hand moves slowly up and down a couple times, before he frees her from the top half of the outfit, and shoves, a little rougher than he would have liked to admit, the pants part down. Forcing off his shoes and kicking his pants off while he groans that her hands abandonned their previous efforts in favor of working off his shirt, his kisses her hard, a hand on her lower back, another on the back of her neck.

She squeaks at it, almost instinct now, but lets it go; it doesn’t bother her to be touched there anymore, at least not by him. 

Any upper hand he hoped to get is gone, her tongue in his mouth and her hands on his chest pushing him onto their blessedly double bunk. 

“Are you ready?” she asks, kissing his earlobe and down his neck. “Becuase I’m pretty sure that I am,”

“I am,” static already creeping into his voice, and he’s a little afraid at how long he’ll last; she eases onto him, slow enough that it’s maddening, and he gives up trying to stop the groan at the feeling of her soft, hot, and very wet inside. Her hands trace gently over his chest as she tenses around him.

“Amy–” he sees her abdominal muscles ripple slightly looking up at her, as she starts to move on him, he’ll do something for her next, something nice, something, “Oh, hell, please keep—that’s it…” she lifts herself up until he’s almost out of her, teasing possibly, going by the look on her flushed face, but he bucks up to her again, prompting a slight gasp in reply that he likes the sound of very much.

“You….” she moaned, strangely, almost silently, when she’s usually not held back around him, not vocally, not anymore. “We,” she said through gritted teeth as she started to move on him again, “have to be quiet.”

“Amy–I don’t give a fuck what the neighbors hear,”

“Sexy, but I don’t want to lose this cabin.”

“…ooh. Fair,” he knots a hand in the back of her grown-out hair as she bends forward to kiss him, grinding gently as she does, coaxing stifled and static-ridden moans from his mouth into hers. “You….” he can’t think exactly what he was about to say, what he wanted to say, but his edge seems closer than hers and it won’t do. She rises back upright on him and he tries to lean up a little as well, reaching to just above where they’re joined, to rub circles around her clit.

“Chrissss, this was supposed to be–” she puts her weight onto her hands on his shoulders and pushes him back down, closing her eyes and lips against another pleased sigh as the angle shifts. “–for you.” 

“And I love the feeling of your climax,” she was still just long enough for him to start rocking back up into her, earning him a low purr. 

“fuck. I’m–” she can’t fake one, hasn’t ever to him, and hasn’t in general since she was an underclassman in college. She’s close to the real thing though, and rolls her hips hard against him, feeling his cock throb inside her, close, his admittedly generous design fits her like he was a custom make. “Harder,”

The sound of a broken motor comes from his throat along with growl that sounds as if he turned down his audio volume rather than trying to keep quiet; in one inhumanly quick motion he’s sat up and turned them over, Amanda’s gasp of shock the loudest noise they’ve made so far. 

Another, gravelly whisper at her ear, “tell me if this is too hard,” he drives into her even as she’s still trying to lock her ankles around his hips and she gives up, gives in, pushing back up against him at a pace that’s more her favorite than his.

“Oh….oh…oh fuck.” she tries to hold to his torso, tries to get a grip on him, on time and space in general but he’s got two years of data, of trial and error down to a fine science to undo her, and his soft kisses on her throat don’t match the rougher pace he’s been leading, but his moans are urged back out from her nails down his back, artificial muscles tensed under skin that feels so natural to her she’d probably recoil from the touch of human flesh.

She crashes in a rush, turning her head into the pillow to stifle the sounds, and as she feels him slow, feels him easing up, but he’s not there yet himself. 

“Keep going,” it’s overwhelming, too much, so much she’s seconds from telling him to stop when his head falls into the crook of her shoulder, his audio silenced; she wished she had gotten to hear his final reactions, but he slows down farther, and rests.

“Hell, Amanda….” his voice sounds like a radio with tinny reception but it turns her back on in a second; she’s the only one to hear his vocals react like this, it’s something between them, private. Her legs tighten around him, and he lets a little more of his weight on her.

“Good?”

“Fantastic, love…” he says with wonder, as if this hasn’t happened for weeks, not days.

“If we can stay quiet–”

“You mean if you can stay quiet?” he smirks down at her and she playfully pushes at him, and he rolls off her, lying next to her for a second before gathering her close, his arms around her waist, chest to her back, and face in her sweet smelling hair. 

“Not fair, I can’t turn off my voice–but if we can stay quiet..”

“Yes?” he bids her to continue, nudging her hair aside to kiss the back of her neck.

“Want to try it on the desk next?”

She feels his answer at her back and grins.

[myupostsheadcanons]

Books “Read” in 2019

I am going to rank these by how much i enjoyed them vs. any actual literary quality. often well written books aren’t always the most entertaining books.

Note: i listen to many of these books at work, which is why i am able to go through so many of them in a year.

List from 2017 List from 2018

------- My Favs of the Year ----

Novels from The First Law:

Best Served Cold (#1), The Heroes(#3), Red Country(#4), Sharp Ends(#5).

A Little Hatred (#2) (Age of Madness, sequel to The First Law)

I read “The First Law Trilogy” about a year or two ago and finally got around to reading the rest of the books, just in time for a new series taking place in the same world to start up (Age of Madness) and now i am waiting like everybody else for the next two books to come out in 2020 and 2021. A Little Hatred shouldn’t be read as a stand alone, a lot of what goes on is dependent mainly on knowledge from the first trilogy and in The Heroes, then bits and pieces from Best Served Cold and Red Country. So much of your enjoyment of each book is based on what you’ve learned in other ones (character development or seemingly useless information being not so useless later).

Age of Legend (Book 4,  Legend of the First Empire)

This is more-or-less an “aftermath” book where the main characters are still reeling about what happened in the previous book and are trying to make plans for what they are going to do next. I still like the characters and the world/setting it takes place in.

House of Assassins (Saga of the Forgotten Warrior, Book 2)

I’ve been waiting for the next book in this series to come out the second i finished the first book in the series. It is one of those Science fiction in the disguise of Fantasy settings and I am on the edge of my seat waiting to see how that plot/revelation comes out (I am certain that the location the story takes place is Earth, more specifically around Asia/India, but in a post-invasion apocalypse setting where nobody remembers anything prior to the invasion). I also really like how much of a badass Ashok is... i have a thing for emotionally stunted badass characters, especially when their flaws are held up to a mirror and have real consequences.

R. R. Haywood’s Worldship Humility & Extinct (Extracted, Book 3)

I love the way Haywood writes characters and dialog. I was at-first iffy about WSH, but was won over after i warmed up to the new characters.

Shades of Magic Trilogy (A Darker Shade of Magic, A Gathering of Shadows, A Conjuring of Shadows)

Solid multi-verse and magic system world. Well-written characters, some minor nitpicks on plot points, but can be easily ignored. LGBTQ rep, the gays don’t stay buried.

“Don’t you have enough [knives]?” “You can never have too many.” [me, every time: LOL]

One of the few times when a character deserves a redemption arc, doesn’t really get one, dies, and i am perfectly fine with it because it is done well.

Assassin’s Fate (Fitz and the Fool, Book 3)

I read this one in book-book form, but i already knew most of the emotionally painful parts of the book by spoiling it to myself when it first came out a couple years ago. The main appeal is the inner monologues of the two main characters, even if like 50% of this trilogy is basically spending weeks/months trying to go from Point A to Point B, when many other books would have glossed over the details of travel.. but you can really feel the stress as they dwell in their thoughts and struggles.

Madeline Miller’s The Song of Achilles & Circe

Re-Imagining of the Iliad and The Odyssey. Focusing not on the characters of Achilles or Odysseus, but on Petroclus (Achilles’ lover) and Circe the sea nymph witch that Odysseus had an affair and child with.

The Spear of the Stars (Cycle of Galand, Book 5)

Still love Dante and Bleys... This is where they really get into the meat of world building and solving the mysteries of the Arawn Cycle (the book/bible) and peel back the layers of their reality.

Dust (Silo Book 3)

A great ending to a good series, it answers whether or not humanity can or has survived what had caused them to be locked away in the silos.

Blackthorn and Grim (Dreamer’s Pool, Tower of Thorns, Den of Wolves)

I like the premise of the books, the two main characters first seeking out revenge, but end up wanting to become better people due to magic shenanigans.... One part Fantasy, One Part Mystery, One Part Lovestory.

The Dispatcher (Audible Free Book) 

I want a whole series based off this novella. It is John Scalzi so he can write a good story. I had previously read Android’s Dream by him, which it didn’t make it into my top-10 that year, but was still decent, even if the subject matter was a bit gross... The Dispatcher world is a Sci-Fi Noir, not quite Cyberpunk, where people don’t die by anything other than natural causes. The Dispatcher’s job is to kill people before something goes does wrong and the person “resets” to when they where safe and sound.

---- this is the “Above Average” Zone ----

All the Pretty Horses & Blood Meridian: Or the Evening Redness in the West

The master of bleak and depressing fiction. if regular Dark Fiction isn’t enough for you.... there is Cormac McCarthy books. Get use to the “purple prose” that fills up pages with no dialog.

The Golem and the Jinni

Supernatural world of the far past dealing with Edwardian New York and Immigration. It not only is a “fish out of water” story of the two main characters trying to fit in with society but they are among communities that are also new to America and trying to find their own place in the world. There are love subplots but most of those kind of fizzle out.

The Axe and the Throne: Bounds of Redemption Vol. 1.

“Discount First Law” book... it is lacking the dark humor that made TFL series far more entertaining.  This was also the book that was prefaced by warning people about how grim and dark the setting was... Hahahaha. I still found it entertaining none the less, and hope the rest would show up on audible soon.

Black Snow, White Crow (Audible Free Book) 

Another one of those short stories that should have a larger saga to its name. Fantasy Industrial Punk. It has the whole equality role reversal thing going on, it isn’t done quite as well as Left Hand of Darkness (but that book leaned onto the boring side of things).

Stephen King’s IT, Pet Semetary, and Carrie

It’s Stephen King. Classic King. Not much else to say.

Watership Down

Depressing Rabbit Book. Though I did like all the stories and mythology the rabbits had.

Bloody Acquisitions (Fred the Vampire Accountant, Book 3)

A series that is always fun to listen to. I wish the audio books were cheaper because they are rather short.

Lethal White (Cormoran Strike, Book 4)

shuddup, i don’t care if it is Rowling... i have a low-key crush on Cormoran.... he just hits that big-burly tragic-backstory man-shaped soft-spot of mine. These stories are also her “for adults” writings so...  expect more racism and garbage values.

The Eye of the World (Book 1, Wheel of Time)

Classic set up to a long running series, though i am reluctant to go further as the middling books in this series are said to drag out the story too much.... It’s not as self-centered as Wizard’s First Rule and the characters are more relatable and stick to their fantasy tropes. This is the “mold” that other modern fantasy try to subvert by going “darker and edgier.”

The Exorcist

If you like the movie, read the book. There is a lot of back story that the movie wasn’t able to adapt.

---- This is the “AVERAGE, but Still Good”  Zone ---

The Iliad and The Odyssey

Classics. I am still on the hunt for an unabridged version of Jason and the Argonauts story. I also have Virgil’s Aeneid in my wishlist to get too soon.

Phillipa Gregory’s Plantagonate Novels (The Lady of the Rivers, The Red Queen, White Queen, The Kingmaker’s Daughter)

Sometimes it is like reading the same book 5x in a row. other times you end up not liking the previous protagonist in a book you just finished reading because of how the current protagonist sees them from their POV.

Return of the King (Lord of the Rings, Book 3)

Read the other books last year and didn’t get around to this one for a few months.

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Fuck... I’m a janitor... why can’t i afford a house?   If you liked Stephen King’s “IT” go back and read this book.

Alien Franchise Dramatizations: Alien: Sea of Sorrows, Alien: The Cold Forge (Audible Free Book) Alien III (Audible Free Book)

I don’t mind that they all are done with a full cast. Though often I end up wanting to find the actual book and listen to them with just one narrator and descriptions.

The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe (Narnia, Book 1)

I would like to get the rest of the books in this series, but for books that are only 5-7 hours long they want 20$ a book for them. It needs to go into an omnibus.

Stephen Fry’s Victorian Secrets (Audible Free Book)

It’s Stephen Fry... he’s funny and a good narrator.

Wizard’s First Rule (Book 1, Sword of Truth)

I don’t like Richard. He started off alright, but even before he got tortured 2/3rds into the book, i was starting to dislike his personality.  Other than that, the side characters and world are solid, but it was like taking an R-rated movie and cutting it down for TV. There is somethings that are vaguely described when i am use to harder fiction like ASoIaF, The First Law, Dresden, and McCarthy books actually describing those things.

Halloween (2018, movie novel)

Like I said when i first read the book, it would’ve benefited by a second re-write before being published. But, i like the movie and so I liked the book.

Don Quixote

Another classic read. I did find it hilarious that the Author spent a good chunk of the second book complaining about Fanfiction of his own book... in the 1600′s.

The Princess Diarist

I listened this book instead of going to see TROS. worth it.

Smoke Gets in Your eyes: And other Lessons from the Crematorium

Non-Fiction, If you want to know the ins and outs of the funeral business and get told in an informative yet non-clinical way with lots of tidbits and history facts tossed in as well as a semi-autobiographical account of the Author’s life.

--- These Books are “Alright” ---

Frank L. Baum’s Wizard of Oz books

I ligit got into an argument with a 70yo man in a comic book shop about how Canon the other Oz books were post Baum’s death. He was looking for Oz comic books and I brought up reading the first 14 books, and he’s like “There’s over 100 of them” and i was all “but all those are written by somebody else.” and he got all “they are still canon...” 

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

If you want to know about the In//cel ideology in a classic literary form, this fits the bill. So much man pain.

A Christmas Carol (Tim Curry) (Audible Free Book)

Tim Curry, guys.....

The Poetic Edda (Norse God Mythology)

I listened this book twice. I bought two Edda books thinking I��d get some extra content, but no... same book just different production teams and readers. Returned the one with the worst translation.

Treasure Island (Audible Free Book, dramatization)

I need to read the actual book sometime, but i did like the cast and thought they did a good job.

Wally Roux, Quantum Mechanic (Audible Free Book)

A YA coming of age story about diversity and acceptance... with wacky science fiction. 

Carmilla (Audible Free Book, dramatization)

The vampire before Dracula. Victorian Lesbian love story.

Even Tree Nymphs get the Blues (Audible Free Book)

A novella from one of those “love on the Bayou” romance series with supernatural creatures. Could practically take place in the same world of either True Blood, Dresden, or Fred the Vampire Accountant.

Mystwick School of Musicraft (Audible Free Book)

Harry Potter lite. For 10yo girls.

A Grown-up’s Guide to Dinosaurs (Audible Free Book)

I like dinosaurs.

Rivals! Frenemies Who Changed the World (Audible Free Book, Dramatization)

Interesting way on telling us about the Fossil Wars and Puma vs. Adidas.

True-Crime from Audible: Body of Proof (Audible Free Book),   Midnight Son (Audible Free Book), The Demon Next Door (Audible Free Book), Killer By Nature (Audible Free Book)

Why is True-Crime or YA fiction the only halfway-decent things Audible is giving us? But yeah, these are basically the type of reporting that the two journalists from Halloween were trying to do. Where they go around and gather up information about semi-famous cases and present it in a Podcast-like format.

---- Meh... ---

Camp Red Moon (Audible Free Book)

Would’ve been better if they were actually written by R. L. Stein.

More Bedtime Stories for Cynics (Audible Free Book)

No... half of these aren’t written very well.

The Darkwater Bride (Audible Free Book, Dramatization)

The setting is nice, but it is far too .... Soap Opera Dramatic.

Junk (Audible Free Book)

A cross between Alien Invasion and Zombie outbreak, read by John Waters and written as if it was a bad version of a Philip K. Dick Novel.

Rip Off!! (Audible Free Book)

Most of them are duds and boring. I don’t even remember half of them without having to look them up. The two that stood out the most for me where the “Other Darren/Bewitched” and the “Dark and Stormy Night” stories, the rest were rather garbled.

--- Garbage... ---

Dodge and Twist (Audible Free Book, Dramatization)

No, you are not being edgy or kool.

Unread:

Siege Tactics (Spells, Swords, & Stealth. Book 4)

Triumphant (Genesis Fleet, Book 3)

Earthsea (Tehanu and Tales from Earthsea, i am going to re-listen to the first three before i get to these)

Into the Wilds (Warriors, Book 1)

Pout Neuf (Audible Free Book)

House of Teeth (Audible Free Book)

Viva Durant and the Secret of the Silver Buttons (Audible Free Book)

The Other Boleyn Girl (Phillipa Gregory)

[kagaintheskywithdiamonds]

every episode of the Twilight Zone season 2 summarized

King Nine Will Not Return: I could hardly focus on the plot because I was too busy trying to figure out whether or not the protag was a Nazi and therefore whether or not I should feel sorry for him (let’s just say there was some conflicting evidence)

The Man in the Bottle: a genie who grants FOUR wishes instead of just three?? now that’s a bargain!!

Nervous Man in a Four Dollar Room: lmao look at this fucking loser, can’t even work up the guts to kill a man. what a pussy.

A Thing About Machines: the most unlikable man in the world tries to “fix” his TV by throwing a chair through the screen (and then claims the repair man is trying to rip him off when he’s like “uhhh it’s broken because you fucking attacked it sir and that’s gonna be expensive to fix/replace”)

The Howling Man: they had me in the 2nd half not gonna lie

Eye of the Beholder: ugly people have no rights

Nick of Time: the meatball says no

The Lateness of the Hour: go to your room XJ-9

The Trouble with Templeton: imagine if you got the chance to go back in time and see your long-deceased wife and best friend but then both of them were like “fuck you go back to the present already”

A Most Unusual Camera: let the bodies hit the FLOOR

Night of the Meek: Santa Claus is a drunk and he said fuck capitalism (and the result is a surprisingly-heartwarming Christmas special)

Dust: lmao look at this fucking loser about to DIE better go insult him some more (also racism is real and it sucks)

Back There: I tried to go back in time to prevent Lincoln’s assassination but instead I made one of my friends rich via butterfly effect (oh and I accidentally stole John Wilkes Booth’s handkerchief and brought it back to the present with me)

The Whole Truth: ah, the old conman-gets-conned trick. classic.

The Invaders: fuck the US military. crush em like ants

Penny For Your Thoughts: a man gains mind-reading powers for only like a day which is good because I was afraid this story was headed in a “oh shit this is more of a curse than a blessing I don’t want to hear people’s thoughts all the time” direction. he had that power for just long enough that it was cool and useful and lost it before it became terrible (also I see that the title is trying to be punny because the protag gaining those powers was triggered by a coin landing on its side but that coin was clearly a QUARTER not a penny so nice try)

Twenty-Two: rip to the people who boarded that plane but I’m different

Odyssey of Flight 23: hello passengers this is your pilot speaking. I just wanted you to know that everything is fine and nothing weird is going on. we definitely did NOT travel back in time. please ignore the brontosaurus visible to your right.

Mr. Dingle, the Strong: talk about a stat buff

Static: FUCK this newfangled “television” thing I’m gonna go lock myself in my room and listen to radio stations that don’t exist anymore. at least nostalgic radio land doesn’t have commercials for GRASS CIGARETTES. I missed the good old days when kids played with SWITCHBLADES

The Prime Mover: oh hey my friend has telekinetic powers and I can exploit that to cheat at gambling!! the rest of the plot from here is very predictable

Long Distance Call: JESUS FUCK THAT’S DARK. I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY WENT THERE. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

A Hundred Yards over the Rim: imagine if you were a pioneer on the oregon trail and you and your whole party is on the brink of death and then suddenly you come across a modern-day 7-Eleven

The Rip Van Winkle Caper: money isn’t real we made it up!!! if you’re stranded in the middle of the desert then a block of gold has no use to you except perhaps as a murder weapon!

The Silence: i will pay you to shut up

Shadow Play: the death penalty (10 hour loop)

The Mind and the Matter: i will now commit genocide using the power of my mind

Will the Real Martial Please Stand Up: what’s harder than trying to find a needle in a haystack? trying to find a martian in a diner (no really that is Rod Serling’s introduction to this episode almost word-for-word)

The Obsolete Man: UNF this episode was so good I can hardly bring myself to write a witty joke summary for it. uhhhh authoritarianism bad. genocide bad. human lives have intrinsic value. this episode was good.

[darkspellmaster]

Costume designs and the role of the Skirt in the Modern Female Hero.

With recent discussions over costumes in regard to not only She-ra but in the past few years in regard to Wonder Woman and several other prominent female heroes, I wanted to step back and take a look at why a skirt, in a lot of cases, is actually a better option for a fight then say a very tight leather outfit. 

I had this discussion with my male friend who had just started to read Wonder Woman with the New 52 and he asked why it was that people were upset over the redesign with the pants. My answer at the time was, they look like jeans, you can’t really fight well in jeans designed like that. They will rip and tear, and she is a warrior and shouldn’t have to be restricted by what’s on her legs for moving. A skirt or shorts would work better for her. 

He at the time replied that she should wear pants. We went back and forth for a while until I brought up the fact that having a lady wear a skirt isn’t meaning she’s a weaker fighter, skirts are actually less restrictive for movement and one of the reasons why the Romans and the Greeks wore them into battle, along with the Scots who wore kilts. The idea of the skirt as a  worn by a warrior predates a lot of modern conceptions as women and men wore the style when fighting. Lets we forget that part of the idea of armor during the time of the knights was because of the newer weapons that had supplanted the bronze age swords of the period with harder steel weapons, so they needed more to protect them than the light armor and leather that they were wearing. 

However this idea of the skirt still stuck around regarding fashion for women, because, well, people like legs (although for a long period showing any legs off was a bad idea). Women, and men, in the entertainment world tended at the time to stick to shorts and it was shown in how Strong men were used for the Superhero look (see DC and Marvel with the outside underwear) while ladies like Wonder Woman were given more of a swimsuit/athletic look. Now the change to this started around the time of the whole issue with the Comic book Panic that came about because of the book Seduction of the innocent came out and freaked people out about various things in comics. Women at this time were wearing skirts, though they were limited. 

This changed by the 1950s to Female heroes wearing skirts to show their feminine side. The idea had always been there that women could wear make up and look “dolled up” in comics way back in the days of Wonder Woman, because she wore make up all the damn time in the stories. Also a number of the female heroes were Girls, and seen as well teens and children. The reason being that girls in the period wore skirts. It was pretty much ordered by the schools that girls had to wear skirts at the time. It was the 50s. Into the 1960s things changed and you saw skirts replaced with pants, shorts and in some cases the start of the bathing suit look. The trend continued into the 1970s, and some what in the 1980s where the suits changed some, but were mostly one piece swim wear for the most part for costumes of some characters. It really wasn’t until the 1990s that you saw this “Overly sexy” look come about and I can point to the shift being by the late 1980s you had a lot of cheese cake showing up in movies, so to drive sales of comics (which the industry screwed up on it’s own) a lot of artist started to turn to making women look more desirable and wearing less. You can kind of thank Image Comics for a lot of that as well. 

So why talk about any of that? Well to give an idea of where the skirts came from. Most heroes that wear skirts were invented in the 1950s and the look was popular among the female population. So of course you would have the characters in books wearing skirts. This never though replaced the fact that they were strong and independent characters that had their own villains to fight and later on allowed for newer female characters to come in and stand out as leads. 

By the way for those that think that a strong character can’t wear a skirt and still kick butt, well here are a few characters that do wear skirts and are seen as iconic, independent and strong females that have inspired both men and women in all walks of life. 

Starting with Super Girl. 

Kara Kent, or Kara Zor-el is as strong as her cousin Clark and can pretty much take on anyone he can. She has the same set of powers that he does, and one version of her later became Power Girl who, depending on the writer, can in some cases lift twice as much as he can. She also almost single handed beat the Anti-moniter. 

Marvel Girl -aka Jean Gray

Early costumes for Jean was this green piece after graduation. Her reason for it came down to her wanting to look different than the other members of her team and fashionable as well. She is, bar Xavier, arguably the strongest mutant on the planet with her mental capabilities, and has been shown to have so much power that the Phoenix force stayed with her for many many years after the first Saga finished. 

Mary Marvel

Mary is the sister of Billy Baston, aka Captain Marvel aka Shazam. Like her brother when she calls down on the power of Shazam she can become Mary Marvel, who is just as strong and powerful as her brother, and blessed by the gods. This girl can do what her brother can, and, on top of all of that, has proven to be able to go toe to toe with Super Girl and Power Girl in recent years. She is a force to be reckoned with. (And Ignore the Black Mary Marvel stuff that Johns wrote for Countdown it made no sense.) 

Flamebird aka Bette Kane

The niece of Kate Kane, Elizabeth “Bette” Kane started her career as a wanna be side kick and a fan of Robin. She grew to be as good a fighter as her aunt, and pre -52, she ended up becoming a teacher who was a strong detective in her own right. Her Aunt has taught her various forms of martial arts and the two train together as Bette intended to become a person that could protect others the way that she saw Robin (Dick Grayson) protect people during his tenure. 

Bomshell version of Batwoman

Basically Kate Kane as a baseball player and wears the outfit that her team wears when she fights. It’s pretty much all the awesomeness of Kate Kane but just wearing a female baseball uniform worn in the 1940s. 

Ms. Marvel aka Kamala Khan

While technically considered a tunic, the top part of Ms. Marvel’s outfit is considered a dress and can be worn as such. Kamala added the tights and other aspects because of her preference for dressing. However, yes that is a dress she has on. Also let’s not forget how powerful she is and how cool she can be even when geeking out. See her meeting with Wolverine for the first time. 

The Sailor Senshi

When Naoko Takeuchi first created this group of girls she had one thing on her mind. Sentai. You know, Power Rangers. But she wanted to use fashion as it is one of her passions. So she created these strong girls who grow as the series goes on, but every one of them wears an outfit that is recognizable to the female population in Japan, that of the school girl uniform. Yes the skirts are short, but that allows for their movement and is part of the Sentai look of uniformity with color co-ordination. Also did I mention that Sailor Moon literally saved Earth and everyone from a darkness by the power of her love for it, and killed parts of Chaos, an entity that has existed since the dawn of time. Yeah, girls in school skirts can crush monsters. 

Jun from Gachaman

Jun, or princess if you go by BoTP, is one of the strongest fighters of the Gachaman team. Her skills as a master of  Kagaku Ninpo allow her to use her aglity to create powerful kicks and hits on her enemies. She also uses a Yo-yo as a whip and flail and it’s electric. 

Wonder Woman aka Princess Diana, Diana Prince

Do I even need to talk about her? I think not. 

Xena Warrior Princess

Played by Lucy Lawless until the early 2000s, Xena was a huge character, powerful and full of compassion. After being a battle hardened character who at one point was an enemy of Hercules, she later went on to spin off on her own show and became not only a mother, but also was seen as a gay icon for many women and men. 

The Female lead in Assassin’s Creed Odyssey. 

A Spartan by birth, our canonical lead here, as said by the development team and the books, sports the same fashion as her non cannon male counter part. 

Both run around in a skirt and are warriors trained by birth to do battle with the forces that are causing issues for their people. 

Chun li Street fighter

One of the oldest Video game heroines. Chun Li is an interpol agent and has many awards under her belt. A known master of various martial arts, she also is a sharp shooter. Her outfit is that of a Chinese  qipao, a type of dress made popular in the 1920s, which she wears in honor of her late mother, and which she modified for movement. 

So with that in mind I would like to Add She-Ra to this list of Bad -ass females that wear skirts when fighting. 

She-Ra aka Princess Adora

With a strong sense of morality, the same strength as her brother when he’s in He-man form, and the skills with a sword and a gun, (and a strong jaw line to boot) She-Ra fights in a war that has nothing to do with her directly and left home to help her friends in the Rebellion. Her transformation is much like that of Mary Marvel, in that she calls down the power from Gray Skull and becomes a more powerful version of herself capable of fighting off Hordak and his evil Horde. 

So, with that in mind. Anyone else know of any bad-ass female characters that wear skirts?  

[psychodollyuniverse]

How Stanley Kubrick Staged the Moon Landing By Rich Cohen July 18, 2019 Conspiracy In his new monthly column, Conspiracy, Rich Cohen gets to the bottom of it all. 2001: A Space Odyssey Have you ever met a person who’s been on the moon? There are only four of them left. Within a decade or so, the last will be dead and that astonishing feat will pass from living memory into history, which, sooner or later, is always questioned and turned into fable. It will not be exactly like the moment the last conquistador died, but will lean in that direction. The story of the moon landing will become a little harder to believe. I’ve met three of the twelve men who walked on the moon. They had one important thing in common when I looked into their eyes: they were all bonkers. Buzz Aldrin, who was the second off the ladder during the first landing on July 20, 1969, almost exactly fifty years ago—he must have stared with envy at Neil Armstrong’s crinkly space-suit ass all the way down—has run hot from the moment he returned to earth. When questioned about the reality of the landing—he was asked to swear to it on a Bible—he slugged the questioner. When I sat down with Edgar Mitchell, who made his landing in the winter of 1971, he had that same look in his eyes. I asked about the space program, but he talked only about UFOs. He said he’d been wrapped in a warm consciousness his entire time in space. Many astronauts came back with a belief in alien life. Maybe it was simply the truth: maybe they had been touched by something. Or maybe the experience of going to the moon—standing and walking and driving that buggy and hitting that weightless golf ball—would make anyone crazy. It’s a radical shift in perspective, to see the earth from the outside, fragile and small, a rock in a sea of nothing. It wasn’t just the astronauts: everyone who saw the images and watched the broadcast got a little dizzy. July 20 1969, 3:17 P.M. E.S.T. The moment is an unacknowledged hinge in human history, unacknowledged because it seemed to lead nowhere. Where are the moon hotels and moon amusement parks and moon shuttles we grew up expecting? But it did lead to something: a new kind of mind. It’s not the birth of the space age we should be acknowledging on this fiftieth anniversary, but the birth of the paranoia that defines us. Because a man on the moon was too fantastic to accept, some people just didn’t accept it, or deal with its implications—that sea of darkness. Instead, they tried to prove it never happened, convince themselves it had all been faked. Having learned the habit of conspiracy spotting, these same people came to question everything else, too. History itself began to read like a fraud, a book filled with lies. To understand America, you can start with Apollo 11 and all that is counterfactual that’s grown around it; that’s when the culture of conspiracy, which is the culture of Donald Trump and fake news, was born. * The stories of a hoax predate the landing itself. As soon as the first capsules were in orbit, some began to dismiss the images as phony and the testimony of the astronauts as bullshit. The motivation seemed obvious: John F. Kennedy had promised to send a man to the moon within the decade. And, though we might be years behind the Soviets in rocketry, we were years ahead in filmmaking. If we couldn’t beat them to moon, we could at least make it look like we had. Most of the theories originated in the cortex of a single man: William Kaysing, who’d worked as a technical writer for Rocketdyne, a company that made engines. Kaysing left Rocketdyne in 1963, but remained fixated on the space program and its goal, which was often expressed as an item on a Cold War to-do list—go to the  moon: check—but was in fact profound, powerful, surreal. A man on the moon would mean the dawn of a new era. Kaysing believed it unattainable, beyond the reach of existing technology. He cited his experience at Rocketdyne, but, one could say he did not believe it simply because it was not believable. That’s the lens he brought to every NASA update. He was not watching for what had happened, but trying to figure out how it had been staged. There were six successful manned missions to the moon, all part of Apollo. A dozen men walked the lunar surface between 1969 and 1972, when Harrison H. Schmitt—he later served as a Republican U.S. Senator from New Mexico—piloted the last lander off the surface. When people dismiss the project as a failure—we never went back because there is nothing for us there—others point out the fact that twenty-seven years passed between Columbus’s first Atlantic crossing and Cortez’s conquest of Mexico, or that 127 years passed between the first European visit to the Mississippi River and the second—it’d been “discovered,” “forgotten,” and “discovered” again. From some point in the future, our time, with its celebrities, politicians, its happiness and pain, might look like little more than an interregnum, the moment between the first landing and the colonization of space. Kaysing put his theories in a book, self-published in 1976. His title is also his conclusion: We Never Went to the Moon: America’s Thirty Billion Dollar Swindle. He believed he was playing whistle-blower, calling attention to a cover-up. The human mind has evolved to see patterns. You see a face in the clouds, hear God in the wind. Some people spot a cabal where others see nothing but bureaucrats. It’s not because they are stupid; it’s because they are smart. The same skill that would have made them a success in one age makes them a kook in another. Kaysing catalogued inconsistencies that “proved” the landing had been faked. There have been hundreds of movies, books, and articles that question the Apollo missions; almost all of them have relied on Kaysing’s “discoveries.”    Old Glory: The American flag the astronauts planted on the moon, which should have been flaccid, the moon existing in a vacuum, is taut in photos, even waving, reveling more than NASA intended. (Knowing the flag would be flaccid, and believing a flaccid flag was no way to declare victory, engineers fitted the pole with a cross beam on which to hang the flag; if it looks like its waving, that’s because Buzz Aldrin was twisting the pole, screwing it into the lunar soil).    There’s only one source of light on the moon—the sun—yet the shadows of the astronauts fall every which way, suggesting multiple light sources, just the sort you might find in a movie studio. (There were indeed multiple sources of light during the landings—it came from the sun, it came from the earth, it came from the lander, and it came from the astronauts’ space suits.)    Blast Circle: If NASA had actually landed a craft on the moon, it would have left an impression and markings where the jets fired during takeoff. Yet, as can be seen in NASA’s own photos, there are none. You know what would’ve left no impression? A movie prop. Conspiracy theorists point out what looks like a C written on one of the moon rocks, as if it came straight from the special effects department. (The moon has about one-fifth the gravity of earth; the landing was therefore soft; the lander drifted down like a leaf. Nor was much propulsion needed to send the lander back into orbit. It left no impression just as you leave no impression when you touch the bottom of a pool; what looks like a C is probably a shadow.)    Here you are, supposedly in outer space, yet we see no stars in the pictures. You know where else you wouldn’t see stars? A movie set. (The moon walks were made during the lunar morning—Columbus went ashore in daylight, too. You don’t see stars when the sun is out, nor at night in a light-filled place, like a stadium or a landing zone).    Giant Leap for Mankind: If Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon, then who was filming him go down the ladder? (A camera had been mounted to the side of the lunar module). Kaysing’s alternate theory was elaborate. He believed the astronauts had been removed from the ship moments before takeoff, flown to Nevada, where, a few days later, they broadcast the moon walk from the desert. People claimed to have seen Armstrong walking through a hotel lobby, a show girl on each arm. Aldrin was playing the slots. They were then flown to Hawaii and put back inside the capsule after the splash down but before the cameras arrived. This scenario was turned into Capricorn One, probably the best acting work of O.J. Simpson’s career. In that movie, which did as much as Kaysing to spread doubt, the capsule burns up on reentry, leaving NASA with no choice: they must kill the astronauts. O.J. escapes, runs across the desert, and shows up at his own funeral. This twist was said to echo another aspect of the conspiracy, the most chilling. Some attributed the fire that tore through the rehearsal capsule during preparations for Apollo 1, killing three astronauts—Gus Grissom, Edward White II, Roger Chaffee—was really part of a cover-up, a way to silence men who were about to go public. At any other time, such theories would have been dismissed as a madman’s raving, but America was willing to doubt in the seventies. That’s when the dream faded, when everything we’d been told began to sound like a fairy tale. American history itself was questioned, rewritten. Were we in fact the good guys at Plymouth Rock? How was the West really won? It was all recast in the afterglow of the Vietnam War, which was escalated with lies, and Watergate, when the president operated in the way of Don Vito Corleone. In other words, the space program, which began in one era, the buzz-cut age of American exceptionalism, culminated in another. There was a new sensibility. We were all becoming conspiracy theorists, trained to see behind the screen, spot the hoax, suspect everything. That cynicism is the only thing many Americans still have in common. It used to be baseball; now it’s the certainty that we’re being tricked. * Of all the fables that have grown up around the moon landing, my favorite is the one about Stanley Kubrick, because it demonstrates the use of a good counternarrative. It seemingly came from nowhere, or gave birth to itself simply because it made sense. (Finding the source of such a story is like finding the source of a joke you’ve been hearing your entire life.) It started with a simple question: Who, in 1969, would have been capable of staging a believable moon landing? Kubrick’s masterpiece, 2001: A Space Odyssey, had been released the year before. He’d plotted it with the science fiction master Arthur C. Clarke, who is probably more responsible for the look of our world, smooth as a screen, than any scientist. The manmade satellite, GPS, the smart phone, the space station: he predicted, they built. 2001 picked up an idea Clarke had explored in his earlier work, particularly his novel Childhood’s End—the fading of the human race, its transition from the swamp planet to the star-spangled depths of deep space. In 2001, change comes in the form of a monolith, a featureless black shard that an alien intelligence—you can call it God—parked on an antediluvian plain. Its presence remakes a tribe of apes, turning them into world-exploring, tool-building killers who will not stop until they find their creator, the monolith, buried on the dark side of the moon. But the plot is not what viewers, many of them stoned, took from 2001. It was the special effects that lingered, all that technology, which was no less than a vision, Ezekiel-like in its clarity, of the future. Orwell had seen the future as bleak and authoritarian; Huxley had seen it as a drug-induced dystopia. In the minds Kubrick and Clarke, it shimmered, luminous, mechanical, and cold. Most striking was the scene set on the moon, in which a group of astronauts, posthuman in their suits, descend into an excavation where, once again, the human race comes into contact with the monolith. Though shot in a studio, it looks more real than the actual landings. It’s the shadow and light, the space and enclosure, the way people move. Also: No CGI, no computer-created effects. Everything is actual—models maybe, but actual physical objects. There really was a space station and it really did turn; there really was a “lunar” surface, covered with rocks. It gave everything a weight you don’t feel in newer movies. To conspiracy theorists, it made perfect sense that NASA, realizing it could not actually land a man on the moon, turned to Kubrick. But why would he do it? It could have been an act of patriotism, a citizen heeding the call of a nation in need. It could have been for money, enough to cover every production from here to Eyes Wide Shut. Or maybe they had something on him. We all know about Hoover and the FBI. It would have been an easy gig in any case, cheaper and quicker than making 2001 itself. So, I ask: Where did Stanley Kubrick watch the moon landing? Was he in front of his TV at home, a viewer like everyone else? Or was he off camera but on set, five feet from Armstrong, imploring the astronaut, “Remember, you are not in a studio … you are on the ladder of a space ship, about to become the first man to ever step foot on another planet. You’re terrified but also awed … ACTION!” As the years went by (I’m going with the premise here) Kubrick’s pride in his accomplishment (the bastards bought it) turned into second thoughts, then guilt, then shame. My God, what have I done? He felt the need to confess. But who could he tell? If he went public, he’d vanish as surely as had the numerous people who knew the truth about the Kennedy assassination. He would instead confess with the only medium he really understood: film. It would be a coded confession, hidden but there for those with the right kind of eyes. It would bookmark the work he had done on the Apollo landing. That was fiction disguised as history. This would be history disguised as fiction. What genre would he work in? He’d already made a war movie (Paths of Glory), a comedy (Lolita), a sun-and-sandals epic (Spartacus), and a political thriller (Dr. Strangelove). That left horror, which was perfect for the story he had to tell, the story beneath the story, which was a kind of nightmare. Theorists note the ways in which Kubrick changed his source material, Steven King’s novel The Shining, the story of a haunted hotel and its winter caretaker and his family. One example: In the novel, the room to be avoided, the epicenter of bad mojo, is Room 217. Kubrick changed it to Room 237. Why would you make a change like that? Maybe because the moon, on average, is 237,000 miles from the earth. Most of the work that ties Kubrick and The Shining to the moon landing can be found on the internet, a prime example being the page on author and filmmaker Jay Weidner’s website called “Secrets of the Shining, Or How Faking the Moon Landing Nearly Cost Stanley Kubrick his Marriage and His Life.” To my mind, this is a work of literature and, as such, demonstrates the best thing about the conspiracy theories. It lets you experience The Shining, which was released in 1980, with a renewed sense of discovery—that is, all over again. It starts with the Overlook Hotel. We are told the hotel stands for America. It was once grand, but has been allowed to dilapidate. The role of the caretaker, a novelist named Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson)—an artist like Kubrick—is to maintain the fiction (we landed on the moon) while the foundation crumbles. The man who hires the caretaker sits behind a big desk with an American flag at his side and an American eagle behind him. He is the Establishment, and tells the caretaker an ugly truth: “The site is supposed to be located on an Indian burial ground, and I believe they actually had to repel a few Indian attacks as they were building it.” In other words, the hotel, like America, stands on the bones of its rightful owners. Later, the hotel is engulfed in a winter storm—that’s the Cold War which drove JFK to make that silly promise about putting a man on the moon. Meanwhile, Jack Torrance is writing, compiling a manuscript that turns out to be evidence of a collapsing mind. That’s what taking part in a lie does to the artist, and why he must confess. Jack’s pages (it’s a terrifying discovery in the movie) consist of nothing but a single sentence written again and again: “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.” To the ordinary viewer, it’s evidence of madness. To a conspiracy theorist, it’s a message. “All Work …,” “A L L” or A 1 1, as in Apollo 11? At one point, the caretaker’s son, Danny, racing his Big Wheel though the enormous maze of halls, a maze duplicated by the hedge maze outside the hotel, a maze in which the family is lost, in the way the nation is lost in a wilderness of mirrors, comes upon two twin girls (not in the book!), creepy specters, the ghosts of children killed by a previous caretaker. Why twins? Because Apollo 11 came after another fake, the Gemini mission. On the Zodiac chart, the symbol for Gemini is a pair of twins. The clincher comes when the Danny gets up from his tricycle and walks down the corridor, following a mysterious call, the sort that a government might make to a filmmaker in a time of crisis. The caretaker’s son is wearing an Apollo 11 sweater—weird, huh? It shows a rocket over the words Apollo 11. When he stands, it seems as if the rocket is blasting off, whereas of course it isn’t because it isn’t real. Danny walks, thus the rocket flies, until he finds himself outside Room 237. Danny, who stands for the child in Kubrick, the artist, has traveled to 237, that is, all the way to the moon.  Only he hasn’t. Is any of this real? Of course not. It’s a face in the clouds. But it can feel more real than reality, as if you are finally seeing what’s always been hidden. That’s the thrill of conspiracy theory, why it can become an obsession, a way of being. It gives you a more interesting way to consume reality. It is literary criticism directed not at a text but at the world, which is a kind of text. It lets the reader understand that world in a new way. You feel the thrill you felt when you stumbled across the teachers’ edition in fifth grade. So here are the answers, all of the answers. You can finally see the truth behind the facade. Rich Cohen is the author of The Last Pirate of New York: A Ghost Ship, a Killer, and the Birth of a Gangster Nation.

From The PARIS Review wwwtheparisreview.org

[northernrainforest]

Harder

I got a call last week that the hospital needed Bronson’s footprints for their records, and could I swing by Labor and Delivery in the next few days? Sure thing. Peacehealth Pediatrics is in the new wing of the hospital: down the hall from where all my OB visits were, across the lobby from where I saw the cardiologist, a short walk and an elevator ride from where I delivered Bronson. So the next time I brought Bronson in, three days later, Flo and I walked him down to L&D.

It was funny being back there.

“Were we only here four days?” Flo asked, as we walked by the room that had been our home for that short stint. It was hard to believe. It felt as though we had moved in—the nurses our own personal household staff, making me tea in the middle of the night, giving me back rubs, admiring the artwork Ladybug brought from school. And then of course we had two and a half more weeks in hospitals – different cities, different nurses, same institutionalized living. But now here we were, waltzing back in with our baby six weeks old, on an errand which required the kind of freedom I had ached for when we were in Washington.

It happened that my favorite nurse was there: a bright-eyed woman a bit older than me, with teenage children and a hairdo startlingly reminiscent of Sarah Palin during her 2008 campaign. We chatted excitedly and then she turned to me with her big smile.

“Isn’t it just so much harder than you ever imagined?” she asked.

I was thrown. I thought she remembered that we had a five-year-old, that sleepless nights and spit-up weren’t new for us.

“Oh, we’re doing okay,” I said. Her smile fell a little. She looked puzzled. The conversation continued. And then, seconds later, I realized what she was talking about. She’d had a son at 29 weeks. We had talked about it a lot when I was in the hospital. She wasn’t asking if having a baby was hard. She was asking if having a premature baby was hard. If having a sick baby was hard. I turned back to her.

“I didn’t realize what you were asking,” I said, as all of it hit me with the weight of a brick building. “Yes. It’s so, so hard.”

The whole tone shifted. She took my arm and talked reassuringly to me. I was flooded with relief: I had finally admitted to a feeling that I didn’t even know I had. Holy mackerel, I realized. This. is. hard.

When Ladybug was a baby she didn’t sleep. I shouldn’t say that: she slept if she was being touched or held or carried. Even then, her naps, even as a newborn, were twenty minutes long. When put in a car seat, she cried from the minute she got in until the minute she was taken out; not for her the car nap. She nursed incessantly, and rejected both bottle and pacifier. When I went back to auditioning and working, she often came with me, because the alternative was a hungry, crying baby. We made it work. And then one day I read a book by Dr. Sears and there was a two-page section on “high needs” babies. As I read it, I started to cry: it described Ladybug to a T. All these feelings I didn’t realize I had – feelings of overwhelm and isolation, of frustration, loneliness and fear – they suddenly became normalized. Other people had babies like mine! Sure, no one I knew had a baby like her. (My closest mom friend at the time was a neighbor and we’d make plans around her son’s three-hour naps. I was stunned on a daily basis by the duration of those naps.) And none of my child-free friends understood why it was so hard for me to do anything with them. But it didn’t matter. Dr. Sears had validated my experience, helping me look back at the previous few months with clarity and a greater sense of respect for my ability to meet a challenge.

My conversation in Labor and Delivery that day did something similar. I was so blissed out to be home with Bronson, so thrilled beyond words to have put our hospital days behind us, that I had managed to ignore how incredibly challenging my days still were. In fairness, I think I’d put up something of a wall: I had decided that the minute we got home, every hurdle we faced was simply related to having a newborn. Not sleeping? No one sleeps with a new baby at home! Feeling anxious about his breathing at night? Every parent worries about that! But Sarah Palin’s long-lost sister, one of the kindest nurses we met on our three-week odyssey, had reminded me that it’s different. Sure. Ladybug was “high needs.” But she was a baby. At the end of the day, all babies are high needs. They’re completely helpless without us. With Bronson, there’s something else. There is the fact that he often can’t finish nursing because it takes too much effort, so we switch to a bottle, and even then he sometimes falls asleep partway through – not milk-drunk, but exhausted from the exertion. Or the fact that he sometimes stops breathing for slightly too long, his whole body tense and taut, and recovers with a baby-sized shout and the saddest face you ever saw. There’s also the nebulizer we use with him – a small, loud machine that vaporizes saline into a mask and helps clear out whatever might be blocking his tiny nostrils (aside from the bone, which of course is the biggest hindrance to him catching his breath.) The first time we put the mask on him we expected a fight, but we watched him take huge, deep breaths, and then fall asleep after just a few minutes. I’ve never actually watched someone shoot themselves up with heroin, but based on what I’ve seen on Netflix, it looks kinda like that. It’s still one of the last lines of defense – if he’s not hungry or wet or tired but he’s upset, it’s time to nebulize.

There are also the steroid drops, and the doctor visits, and the texts I send fellow moms before they bring their little ones over to play with Ladybug, in which I try not to sound like a jerk. (“Hey! Heard your little guy got sent home sick from school yesterday – poor thing! :( Happy to raincheck, cuz, you know, I’m not actually sure how many Seattle trips our Medevac insurance will cover and even a little cold will earn Bronson a ticket back to Children’s. At least the playroom there is nice, LOL!”)

But really it’s the nights. The long nights, when I hear him struggling, gasping, his arms reaching out as if he could pluck the air from around him and drink it in. We do what we can, Flo and I. But our nurse friend was right: it is harder than I ever could have imagined.

I should be clear: I am not complaining. Anything short of Bronson becoming an actual psychopath, and I hope never to complain about him. Because I am so stunningly glad he’s here. Every minute with him, even the bad ones, feel like a gift I wasn’t sure I’d ever be given. I would stay awake all night, night after night, if that’s what it took to keep him breathing; any parent would. And the truth is, what’s hardest about all of this isn’t actually that it’s hard for me at all. It’s that it’s hard for him. Sometimes Flo and I catch him in a still moment, looking around interestedly, giving us small smiles – and even then, we look down to see his tiny hands clenched.

“You can relax your hands,” we tell him. “You’re with Mommy and Daddy. You’re safe.”

But he’s not, not completely, and he knows it. Bronson has never been able to breathe freely, which seems like the easiest thing a person can do.

In spite of everything, Bronson’s world is a beautiful place. I tell him this on our daily walks. It’s sunny in Ketchikan right now, so we’ve been walking. Most days he’s either already asleep or falls asleep the minute I step outside, cuddling him in his carrier. But one day recently I watched him watch the world. As we stepped outside in the fading afternoon light, Bronson’s eyes got bigger and bigger, as big as the Alaskan moon. He blinked and blinked as I talked to him about trees and leaves. (I told him the words in French and Italian too, because what fun is it to not raise the most pretentious baby in southeast Alaska? Bonus: no one can accuse me of not using my college degree.) I told him that the trees in Alaska are bigger than big, that they stay green all year round, that instead of leaves they have sharp pointy needles. None of these are words that Bronson has ever heard before. None of these are sights he’s ever seen. But starting now and starting here he will have a chance to learn about all of it. And like the rest of us, he will yearn to be taught. It takes a lifetime to learn everything that matters about a lifetime. Bronson’s journey has just begun.