#I just needed to air my thoughts on this

[cursedvibes]

I've been picking up Killing Eve again. I watched the 1st season when it was initially airing, quite liked it, but then didn't manage to pick up the following seasons as well. Now it popped up on my Netflix recommendation and I gave it another shot. Uff, it's quite different from what I remember.

I think the story is most interesting to me not as a love story, but as a story about Villanelle, where one of her obsessions happens to be Eve. I don't feel much of a spark between them anyway beyond Villanelle being aimless and having mommy issues, and Eve wanting some dangerous thrill in her life. I watched the first two seasons and I still don't quite understand why it has to be them who get together and not someone else. Plus, I think relationships like Villanelle and Constantine are much more layered and interesting than what Eve and Villanelle have going on.

Generally, I find the story interesting, particularly in the 1st season, but I think their handling of Eve is very poor. She gets the worst writing in my opinion. Or more like the writing isn't "bad", it's just very predictable and not exactly deep. Eve often feels very blatantly edgy "I'm not like other girls, I want to finger an assassin and am bored of my husband treating me nicely". It kinda feels like the protagonists of these 50 Shades of Grey-esque books, but wlw. Some of the dialogue she gets is really cringey and just doesn't sound believable. Sandra Oh does her best with it, but man...

Her character development is the crux of it. When the story starts, you already know her archetype and where she's going with barely any new twist to it. From the first episode you already know what will happen. She's kind of similar to Will Graham, but written with way less subtlety. You can just tick off all the boxes as you watch the episodes. Gets a kick out of killers/assassins. Check. Becomes married to her job. Check. Becomes fixed by violence and crime. Check. Neglecting her personal life. Check. Neglecting her husband and resenting him for being a good person. Check. Gets very blatant murderous urges. Check. And the longer it goes on, the worse it gets. They put so much effort into making Villanelle a more three dimensional and compelling character that they neglected who is supposedly the main character of this series.

Also, the stuff this series spouts about "psychopaths" or anyone lacking empathy is just disgusting. Nothing new in this genre, but they do it especially blatant. Just straight up saying people who lack empathy/have anti-social personality disorder are not human, just killing machines, and that they are fundamentally broken. Do they know that these people they're talking about actually exist? And aren't all gleeful serial killers?

Also Villanelle is a terrible assassin. She's leaving evidence and her fingerprints splattered everywhere. If she didn't have such important people covering for her, she would've been found ages ago.

So yeah, my main problem with this is that the writing of Eve is just way too edgy and generic. Everything else is quite interesting actually, but man...getting pretty difficult to watch these episodes and apparently it gets worse in the coming seasons.

[maesonc-artistic-adventures]

“If there is anyone here, who were to finish the job—put me down….i remember thinking: I hope it’s Seedling. I hope it’s Orym.”

[sevenines]

i saw this tweet and found it interesting for two reasons. one is that some people base how good cartoon network would be to toh by how it treated su, and despite the fact that su’s treatment by the network was considered poor at the time, now its thought to be exceptionally good in comparison to modern shows.

two is how exactly su got impacted by a limited budget. a common criticism is how characters like connie, peridot, and lapis are left out of missions. but balancing a lot of characters is not only hard but also costly (extra animation, extra voices—it’s been revealed that the show is limited to a set number of characters per episode otherwise they’re over budget). animation mistakes are not uncommon since retakes cost extra. the entire reason the original show got cut short was due to loss of funding!

[poisonousquinzel]

they deserved better idc 😐

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: violence mention / death mention / ]

Will never stop thinking about how Leo, all alone in an endless void and being beaten again and again and again by the only other living thing around, still finds comfort in that space. The situation he was in was completely hopeless, and in any other circumstances he would not have escaped, at least not fast enough to save him from permanent (or even fatal) damage, be it physical or mental.

And yet, despite the bleakness of his situation, despite the agony and helplessness, all he needs is one glance at a crumbled photograph, one glance to remember his family, and that’s enough of a reason for him to smile.

Maybe that’s why his powers center around manipulating space - because no matter how much space is between them, no matter how dire his own situation may be, just the thought of his family, alive and okay, is enough to give Leo hope.

[secriden]

so i wonder if anyone else has thoughts about mame's choices regarding sky vs tongrak's stories and how she tackled the complexity of loving and being loved.

when i first heard about love sea, i saw a lot of people say that fortpeat were just re-cast as sky and prapai but with tongrak being older and richer than mahasamut. personally, i think that's a pretty reductionist view because mame explored the idea of being afraid to love and be loved from very different angles and perspective in these two stories.

i will give that there are some similarities on the surface - peat's character does that whole 'pretends to hate it but secretly loves it' thing; the cat-like 'push and pull' thing and fort's character is still a overly excited, loveable golden retriever of a human being with a strong sense of self; also both sky and tongrak have had experiences which make them both fearful of 'love'.

but i think while sky's main fear is being loved, tongrak's is very much a fear of loving.

like, sky's story is very... raw. it's an exposed nerve, tender and painful and present. sky's fear is so immediately tied to his trauma which he's still in the throes of. the betrayal he faced was from the one who claimed to love him and it's telling that sky's first flashback is not triggered by his feelings FOR prapai but by prapai expressing his 'love' for him. this trauma is intimate and physical and close, but that means that the start of his healing journey can begin because of an external force (prapai) giving him that safety but also physically removing the threat. when sky begins to feel safe again, he is able to begin healing.

in contrast: tongrak's trauma is relatively... hmmm, separated (? not the best word but...) on a physical level. it doesn't make it less or even less painful (or more, or more painful), but his fear of love largely stems from how he sees the people immediately around him being hurt by love. he's internalised the idea that love doesn't last. mahasamut starts confessing his feelings pretty early on; like episode 4 mahasamut straight up goes, 'well you can't stop me from loving you' and tongrak's disapproving but he's not triggered. what's the difference between this and episode 10, i think, is that tongrak's actively fighting his own awareness of his feelings for mahasamut. it's why his fight or flight response is triggered by vie calling him out about his feelings in episode 8 and also why he tries to force parameters back into their relationship (my take: i don't care if you love me but i won't love you) in episode 10. but it's also why his healing doesn't actually come from an external force - yes, vie kind of knocks him out of his depressed stupor by hiding the bracelet, but note that tongrak's has that breakdown realisation ('please come back, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, can't you please come back to me? i'm afraid you'll end up hating me (emphasis added) if you love me') before he has that chat with vie. he's already realised that the root of his fear of mahasamut's love isn't the love itself, but the fear that if he admits his own love for mahasamut, it will eventually get betrayed. it's also why even after he resolves that he wants to try at a relationship with mahasamut, he still can't say it. at this point, his father's a non-entity in terms of the fear of him going after his loved ones - he's already been proven a weakling and a coward and also they're physically on the island so removed from jak that it shouldn't be an immediate fear anymore. no; this struggle is completely internal and it's why we linger on his heartbreaking attempts to confess (also, love sea had some pacing issues but i'm so so grateful they took time to show this part; bless fort for insisting on it!). tongrak's afraid to love but he pushes and pushes himself, and finally breaks through and its entirely on his own terms because of his own strength.

i'm not saying sky's weaker for (in a sense) needing someone else to rescue him before he could heal, but i think it just speaks to mame really telling quite a different story of healing with tongrak.

like... have you ever thought you'd healed from something and then it comes back in an unexpected way but then your response to the trigger is also different? the pain is there but it's... at once deeper but also more distant? a deep pulse rather than a high pitched shriek? and the way you go about beginning this new phase of healing is also different? i think that's whats happening here.

it's fascinating how us humans can fear vulnerability in so many ways, so many forms, on so many levels but i think the lesson mame's stories tell is that sometimes it really is worth it to become vulnerable. not with everyone, and not all the time (goodness, that would be foolish). but also, keep holding onto hope. keep looking for that right person, keep being kind to yourself and others. know that it's ok if your healing feels different, if you didn't catch it some point in the past, its not too late.

you'll be ok.

[fuumiku]

Who’s taking who too lightly now? Playfighting my beloved

Rabbit Marcille and stoat Chilchuck, yay for rabbitstoat au, for no reason for funsies! This is here that I reveal humanoid monsters are my top favorite thing to draw actually. I really like centaur Marcille x satyr Chilchuck so this is kinda in the same vein~ I was gonna do weasel Chil at first but then friendo said a stoat’s personality fits him more and I said yes chief I trust you w my life. Speaking of, my own Chil stoat-sphinx design is partially inspired by said friend’s here!

Chilchuck playfighting and trying to "teach her a lesson" bc she's not taking him seriously so he pounces on her and pins her down but she's just giggling and smiling and beaming and suddenly she’s bigger too she’s not just a ball of fluff all stretched and it all makes him feel a little something. Chil wanting to get back at her for her teasing but he can’t go too hard on the threatening bc he’ll want to pounce on her one way or another if he gets too caught up in it whooops 💞 Timeless marchil staple, put that man in situations

Smaller predator x bigger prey animal is very fun, thank you lucky-fy’s dunmeshi beastars au for making me think of them that way… It adds to it I think, that sort of "well even if I do want you you’re out of reach" bc like even if the predator does manage to kill it it’d have a hard time eating it all right away and idk idk…. It’s that "No. No she’s offlimits" he says at himself bc ‘it wouldn’t work out’ even if it feels right… The sort of going against nature in both that they wouldn’t want to kill each other and that the dynamic shouldn’t be going this way around, and that despite everything pointing to how they shouldn’t be able to work out they can still make their relationship into what they want it to be. -gestures- Metaphors. Well sorta gdbdga in this AU I just think about them frolicking in the fields on sunny days then having tension once in a blue moon and that’s it lmao. "I can’t return your feelings because I’d only hurt you in the long run" "🧍‍♀️bruh be for real". Chilchuck guilt & longing meanwhile Marcille is just chilling having the time of her life, either blissfully unaware or just waiting for him to get his head out of his ass

It’s like how Chilchuck is so tall for a half-foot, within half-foot circles he has no problem being seen as very much a man and a rather well-ofd handsome one at that, but as soon as it’s with other races the dynamic is completely changed and he’s kinda stripped of that aspect of himself in social dynamics. No weasel or mouse would belittle the graveness of a stoat as a predator but wolves and foxes and hawks may laugh at them yk what I mean. Sighh sigh sigh sigh. Them. He’s her rotten soldier, her sweet cheese, her good-time boy

Making their way in the dungeon like "you see this shit Chilchuck?"

[cirrus-grey]

Does the Archivist have a car to itself, or is it just like. Chilling with the rest of the commuters?

[songstep4002]

I wish Supercorp shippers would treat James with more dignity. Like yes, I hate Lames as much as the next person. But that doesn't automatically make James the bad guy here. I'm fine with people writing Mon-El as the jackass who gets in the way of Supercorp, because he has always been a jackass. But James was a flawed and nuanced character who got mishandled by the writers, and every time someone bashes him unnecessarily or makes him out to be the villain, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

[alongtidesoflight]

so here's my honest thoughts on dragon age: the veilguard, after ~40 hours of playing. i finished the main quest after having finished all companion quests and major faction quests. just to clear up what content i saw, i played as an elven transmasc rook who is a member of the lords of fortune. he romanced lucanis (although after finishing the game i'm now leaning towards taash). i don't know what's happening in playthroughs that have a different race, gender identity, romance or faction going on.

full spoilers ahead, i mean it. don't read further if you want to avoid them. i don't want complaining about it in my asks.

oh and also, if you're worried because of a few negative reviews online i can comfort you by saying don't give a fuck about a certain big name youtuber who is very much tied to bethesda franchises giving this a negative review. i'll explain why.

i'm starting off with the things i liked

the game looks really pretty. i was worried it wouldn't feel like thedas anymore (with them trying to "focus on northern thedas only" i thought they'd make a clear cut in environmental design. they do and they don't. it's complicated. i'll elaborate on it when talking about the negative stuff). anyway it does. minrathous feels like kirkwall. treviso enchanted me like the winter palace did. the hossberg wetlands reminded me of the hinterlands and a couple other inquisition maps. arlathan looked like... arlathan. the crossroads were different, but familiar. overall i like the way it looks and feels. it's thedas, with a twist. it's a good one, and gives everything a solid but unique feel.

combat is top tier. if you're a hardcore dragon age player you WILL miss the tactical aspect of it for a bit, but i promise you, once you're used to the way the combat works, you will be lapping that shit up. and once you get to ability combos you'll mourn the control you used to have over your companions in battle a bit less

the MAIN quest and its story. i expected worse, way worse. and for a while the game even had me tricked (harr harr you'll get it in a second) it is Really That Much Worse. but holy shit was it good. i walked away satisfied ngl.

your choices have SOLID weight. there's consequences, good AND bad. i got minrathous blighted, ruled over by venatori, and the leader of the shadow dragons ultimately died because of my decisions. i made those at the beginning and throughout the game. he died at the end. DAVRIN died because i didn't expect what i was saying to have that much weight. i thought i was in the clear. he had hero status. well turns out, your choices can still get your companions killed even if you do everything right. i fucking love him. he shouldn't have made that sacrifice just because i told him to do everything it takes once.

the inquisitor, morrigan and dorian being there, surprisingly. there's also negatives to this though, see below.

speaking of companions dying and the inquisitor playing a bigger role: the final quest feels like me2's suicide mission. i was blown away by it and the fact that i got to see the results of all my efforts playing out in front of me.

bioware are NOT trying to redeem solas. they love him as a character yes, but i wasn't forced to see any good in him. he betrays you. he fucked my rook over twice. he fucked him over right back, for good this time (the veil wasn't torn down, i anchored it by binding him to it, he's doomed to uphold it). but solas really lives up to his name as the trickster elven god. rip to all the people who grew really attached to him over the years.

varric died. if you like him that's probably as hard reading it as it was watching it. varric died and the game lies about it until the very end. when the realisation hits, it hurts. but in the very best way.

the amount of care they put into gender expression and trans identities this time around. (i'll add onto this with negative points as well too).

rook feels very much ingrained in the world of thedas. he doesn't ask questions that expose the player to lore through dialogue as if he's stepped foot into thedas for the first time. those conversations feel very solid and good. i hope other faction players got as much joy out of this as i did.

and the things i didn't like and boy there's a lot unfortunately

the music. let's just get that out of the way holy shit. it doesn't feel like it belongs in this universe. it gets so incredibly sci-fi-y at times you'd think it's taken straight from mass effect andromeda. there's not a single song unique to veilguard that i really enjoyed. it broke my immersion, real bad. hearing a busker play the tavern songs from inquisition on a lute right after i killed some venatori with wobbly bass songs playing in the background is just odd. weird tonal shift. don't like it. it's made for people who like flashy light-weight cinema.

tevinter nights is required reading. the podcasts are required listening exercises. the game is so fast paced, especially at the start, that there's no time to introduce you to characters and how much weight their names carry in-game. i would not have known who half these people are if i hadn't skimmed over tevinter nights. i'd care even less about them than i already did. there is no time to get properly attached to them. people will act as if you're talking to a legend personified and you'll be thinking man goddamn which chapter of tevinter night were they in again and what did they do???

there's a weird mismatch with the animations. you'll have beautifully fluid ones, like emmrich casting spells. and then you'll have rook's face animating in the most unnatural manner that's sorta reminiscent of mass effect andromeda's "my face is tired" addison, when their emotions SHOULD be landing with the player rn instead.

i'm not vibing with the art style. sometimes it works. most of the time it doesn't. at points i felt like i was watching tangled.

that also brings me to some of the dialogue. same issue. i am watching frozen. i am watching tangled. someone on the writer's team really likes the adorkable trope. bellara is its victim.

for all the talk about identity, bioware sure doesn't like theirs. the grey warden armor got a redesign again and it just makes them look like a generic army. i hate it lol

in general, i don't like the armor design. the wardrobe/appearances system is fine, but it's just not helping if all the armors are just... kinda bland or downight bad looking? and don't get me started on the lords of fortune armor. that is orientalism personified.

the world states should have been carried over, full stop. i know they said they didn't because they want to separate what happens in the north from what happens in the south, which... i could have lived with that. but the inquisitor sends you letters that keep you up to date on... the south of thedas. you learn that there's a blight again, that people are standing strong but it's difficult, denerim's fallen, the rulers are taking care of it, orlais is fighting and they're successful for a while, etc etc. what's good bioware. i thought we don't care about the south this time around. why are you feeding me so much boring generic information. if you're not gonna show any of it and just write letters, then carrying the world state over should not have been an issue. i have a game dev background. those few lines of code would not have broken your budget or pushed your engine's limits. fuck right off.

this gripe of mine carries over to all the cameos. as a lord of fortune you have to deal with isabela a lot. it's fun. i missed her. you get to go drinking with her and taash and bellara! also my hawke romanced her. she's not mentioned once. they had the opportunity to put a sentence or two about her in there with not a lot of effort, trust me.

when varric dies, all she has is a single line about it. for gold, for fortune, for varric. she only says it if you interact with her on your way to the final push. that's not mandatory.

morrigan is there. kieran isn't. the old god soul that mythal and then solas absorbed? who cares at this point, the gods are dead now and solas is locked away for eternity. i suppose? why is morrigan there. she feels unneeded. i wish they'd just left her down south, at least that way i wouldn't have had to witness her god awful redesign.

dorian at least feels as if he belongs in this story. the shadow dragons are a crucial part to protecting minrathous. he's also weirdly underutilised. isabela and morrigan had more lines than him in my playthrough.

on the topic of romance: bro that was underwhelming. no, genuinely. you know when romance picked up a bit? after the point of no return. i heard maybe two lines of companion banter about it before that. maybe i missed something which i honestly doubt, but romance did not play much of a role in lucanis's storyline. i saved his grandmother as he wished me to (and if you read tevinter nights you know she was rather abusive and their relationship not the healthiest) and told him to focus on his family. a reunified family my rook wasn't even introduced to as a partner at the end of all that.

really, do not buy this game if you're only in it for the romances. others might be better, lucanis's basically gave me nothing. except for an outing (the second coffee date i had with him, it was getting repetitive) all of it played out once i committed to the final quest. the sex scene was a fade to black. annoyingly right after davrin died. if you're looking for well paced and good spice, pick up something else. the sweet talk and the final goodbye were nice though.

for all the good the ever-presence of gender identity does, it is brought up in such a disruptive manner too. it doesn't even play out naturally if you CHOOSE the lines that are meant to be said. hearing the words trans and non-binary in this setting doesn't feel right, and i'm saying this as a trans guy. i think it could have been handled more gracefully. the amount of times my rook went "i'm a MAN" as if he's about to start drumming on his chest and roaring any second now got super nerve-grating. "i'm so glad you're into me... the me who is trans. remember?" just. tell me one trans person who'd talk like that to a person they've grown close with and are trying to romance. this game doesn't handle sexuality well, so all this hey my body might not look like the way you're expecting it to look talk amounts to nothing anyway. i feel about this the way i feel about krem: this is partial exposition to trans experiences... packaged up for cis consumption. the ONLY exception to that is interacting with taash. holy shit was all of that heartwarming and bro did it feel good and natural to talk to them about theirs and rook's gender.

rivain and nevarra are new locations added by veilguard. they're also incredibly underwhelming, small and constricted maps. rivain is a coastline with a few ruins. the hall of valor is a partial ruin nestled into a cave on a beach, with a fighting pit. isabela is there in her skimpy outfit commentating your pit fights. that's it. i'm sorry if you were looking for a bustling pirate cove or whatever. you're not gonna get it. the nevarran crypts btw are a long ass dungeon crawl. that's it.

speaking of maps. i thought people were being dramatic when they said you're gonna be fighting the same enemies on them again and again. i thought they were figure of speeching it. they're not. you WILL fight the same amount of enemies. in the same spot. every time you reload the map. best to stay on a map and clear out the enemies and do as much questing on that map as you can before leaving, because you WILL have to do it all over again once you return.

the three choices i made for my inquisitor didn't matter lol she didn't have to face solas and therefore couldn't stop him at any cost as she had sworn (maybe because my rook tricked solas into binding himself to the veil, there was also an option to fight him. would she have stepped in? who knows). blackwall wasn't mentioned. and either her using a small amount of her forces in the final fight was the reason the civilians of minrathous fared so well..... or it just didn't matter. ultimately i think she had very little impact on anything

[robinfollies]

some design comcepts for older lily + lewis!!! my latest and greatest headcanon for them is that in the future they get gems and can do magic of their own :33 i just think it’d be neat,,, something to do with their love of magic!!!! 🥺

[ittybittyremy]

Since we have yet another Orym discourse going on, here’s your reminder to be mindful of how you word your opinions. You can criticise and/or dislike a character without being rude to the player!

[emeraldwarriors]

begging jeremy adams please make them friends this time around and let hal!!! apologize!!!!!!!

[loveryoushouldvecomeover-mp3]

said this before but being bad at things will always be soooo endearing and beautiful and whimsical To Me like gosh you're so bad at this thing you're learning for the first time what a wonder!! what a curious individual with a lust for life you are what a lust for life!!!!! and if this isn't your first time and yet you're still bad at it how lovely too! your enjoyment doesn't come from being the best or even being good but just the participation of such a thing!!!!?!??? what a fucking lust for fucking life!

[icewindandboringhorror]

sneepy cozy time....

[anticidic]

How many more times must I toss a pebble at your window for you to let me in? 

When all I do is think about our memories and the smile we grin, 

Like a movie scene, let’s explore our time together and wonder forth,

"Do you think God stays in Heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he’s created here on earth?"

Prompt: Movie quotes

THE BLACKEST NIGHT

“Don’t be silly, Dazai,” Chuuya said with a frown. He plucked a feather and held it by the stem, up to the light to examine it. Translucent, almost. “This world exists because of us. Light, life, the people…It's so much better being here than up there.”

Dazai watched Chuuya brush a finger over the tip of the feather. It snapped in half, and he heard a hiss. Chuuya continued to burn himself in the name of a dying love that knew thorns and what it was like to burn, and all Dazai could do was look himself in the mirror at the abomination of a pair of half-shed wings outstretched behind him and apologize for what he did. And Chuuya apologized for being the creator.

Another soft pile sat at the foot of the bed. Calling. Dazai felt the unmistakable itch across his back and down his spine. Then a terrible warmth. It hurt. Chuuya was pain. The bad day. He was the most painful demon of all and hadn’t even sunk his teeth into Dazai. All Dazai could think was how the elders never told him how it really felt to cross paths with a demon. There was no wing-ripping. No fall from grace. No fiery pits of hell.

It was with alarm bells ringing that they continued to meet like this under the dome of the big, blue sky. The time would come for them to part ways and for Dazai to return to heaven as Chuuya waved farewell from his little home in the tiniest district of Yokohama, looking to the sky and feeling horribly small—the reminder that he neither had a place up high or down below weighing heavy in his mind. Home was four walls and a roof.

They would part with regret. As they always did. Chuuya thought it hypocritical of Dazai to continue on his path to ascension: holing himself away in the great library all for the sake of rewriting and preserving Chuuya’s story. One of death. First, life. Then death. Then life again. Then rebirth.

No one had ever heard of a Nakahara Chuuya except for the high court and its elders. They wanted him gone and Dazai could not find it in himself to deal the killing blow. Chuuya already suffered too much hell on earth.

For that, he paid. Dearly. Dazai lost everything fighting for it. The longer he looked himself in the mirror and observed how his wings seemed to shudder at the thought that they’d continue to shed down to cartilage and bone—shedding purity and all that was good and all that he knew for as long as he could remember and growing illness and that which he should shun and violently reject, he accepted readily with open hands. He did it for Chuuya.

Another feather floated to the floor. Another hiss. He felt a hand press against his back between the shoulder blades and grabbed Chuuya’s hand. The skin was broken with tiny gushes and discolored, palm rough and raised from all the burning and scarring and burning and scarring Chuuya did over and over again tending to Dazai’s wings. Constant, never-ending wounds and hurting himself for Dazai’s sake. And Dazai had had enough. His eyes fluttered shut and he kissed the skin gently. Another unspoken apology stuck in the chest. Yet another one laid to rest.

It didn’t have to hurt, but between the sheets half-past midnight when the ache in his back let up enough that he wasn’t squirming in constant agony, Dazai would whisper, “Do you ever miss it—miss who you once were, and who you could’ve been?”

“No,” Chuuya would say without missing a beat. The intensity in his gaze could melt away the last of the feathers desperately clinging to Dazai’s back for dear life. To not be forgotten. They were pure as snow and soft to the touch until they weren’t. Now all Dazai had were leather, veins, and bat wings.

This was the second death. But the rebirth would come for Dazai. Chuuya still thought him an idiot and tried to push him away. He tried so unbelievably hard and Dazai refused even as he lay there limp against the bed, clawing at the sheets to focus on anything but the burn radiating into his back.

“Why do you stay in heaven?”

The words pulled Dazai from his thoughts and he blinked. The ceiling and the aroma of an ignited candle across the room returned. Then Chuuya. His hair fell over his face and down his shoulder as he hovered over Dazai with a questioning, strained look.

Dazai knew that one. Concern eating up Chuuya from the inside out until he couldn’t suppress it any longer and out came a twisted, pained expression from someone who wished they could do more than this.

“Because what I do is important to me.” Dazai breathed out slowly and smiled. “It’s important to me that you aren’t forgotten. You’ve reclaimed your name and that’s what matters to me. Now you are just Nakahara Chuuya: neither holy nor sinful. You are you. You are free.”

However slight, Chuuya softened and shook his head. Idiot sat on his lips—discarded to the air along with all the other unsaid things they buried between them.

As the clock struck nine and the sodium lights upon the city faded, Chuuya set aside the roll of bandages Dazai refused to let him use. He brushed another feather off the bed and smiled through the pain.