#said this before i mean on my blog that was deactivated and i remember getting vv happy anytime someone rbed it bc i always like

[loveryoushouldvecomeover-mp3]

said this before but being bad at things will always be soooo endearing and beautiful and whimsical To Me like gosh you're so bad at this thing you're learning for the first time what a wonder!! what a curious individual with a lust for life you are what a lust for life!!!!! and if this isn't your first time and yet you're still bad at it how lovely too! your enjoyment doesn't come from being the best or even being good but just the participation of such a thing!!!!?!??? what a fucking lust for fucking life!

[funnyburneracct]

Hi, I'm Xiao/burningrqs. this post is going to be long. Posting this from a burner so that it doesn't go down the drain when we deactivate.

But essentially, this is an apology to the radqueer community for multiple different things. I'm going to do my best to type this out as well as possible, and I apologize if I miss anything or word things poorly. I am going to explain myself to the best of my abilities, but please keep in mind that my explanations do not excuse my actions by any means.

Post under the cut.

for those who don't want to read it though, TL;DR: I was a complete asshole and I'm genuinely very sorry about it.

So, I want to start off by apologizing in general for the "burning radqueers" thing. Not only was it just not funny, but it was also really weird. I know damn well that if I saw someone pop up with a "burningmogais" blog or something, I would be pissed. So I don't know what made me think that running burningradqueers was a good idea in any sense.

My rude and dehumanizing comments did not help. Regardless of how I view people, what disorders I have, or how symptoms present themselves, it was disgusting of me to act as though I can't be held accountable for my cruelty towards others.

The targeted posts were even worse, and allowing people to just pick a random blog to "burn" was teetering on harassment. It put the user in front of so many people who clearly did not have good intentions towards them, and inherently put the user being "burnt" in danger. I wish I noticed that fact sooner. Even if I disagreed with people or didn't like them for whatever reason, I still should not have felt as though I had the right to post stuff like that.

Adding onto that, I should have never used my ASPD as an excuse for anything. I tend to get defensive when I feel insulted, which is what happened, and I decided to bite back despite being in the wrong. I acted impulsively and out of pure anger, and then tried to defend it, which I shouldn't have. When saying the kinds of things I did, I am open to criticism whether I like that fact or not, and trying to act as though I am immune to that criticism because of a disorder was disgusting on my part.

Another thing, somewhat on a similar note, is that an apology is owed for my hostility in general. Every time it was even lightly suggested I was wrong, I seemed to lash out and get angry. This really just comes down to me needing to learn to admit my wrongs. I should not have made my inability to understand my wrongdoings anyone else's problem.

Then there's also the things I said when I lashed out before deciding to drop burningradqueers entirely. I don't fully remember all of what I said as the event happened during an episode (this does not excuse my words at all by the way. regardless of my state at the time, what I said wasn't okay and should not be excused) and the posts have since been deleted. But, I do remember at one point making harassment out to be a competition of sorts when someone was simply trying to calmly explain to my why the namedropping was not a good move. I can't for the life of me remember why I did that, but I am very sorry about it. A lot of people in the radqueer community have been harassed (and likely do still get harassed constantly), and for me to act like I am the only victim of harassment was wrong on multiple levels.

I'm sure there was a lot of bad stuff I said during that episode, but as I said, I do not remember most of it. I'm sorry that I can't apologize for the specific things I said, but I am apologizing for the situation as a whole.

The entire thing started over me not being able to handle much deserved criticism, and I stood "my ground" despite having absolutely no ground to stand on.

I started burningradqueers over baseless hatred. I didn't know why I was supposed to hate radqueers, or what I was even really hating. I joined the anti community thinking that it is much easier to just move with the pack and hate what everyone else seems to hate, but hatred really isn't that easy. It's exhausting. And realizing how much the anti community really wouldn't want me if I was honest about things made me realize that. Realizing that there are so many antis who would rather see us suffer forever due to dysphoria than see us live happily after getting amputations was rough, and honestly kinda gave me a taste of what radqueers have to deal with every single day, and it felt horrible.

Without realizing it, I managed to do so much damage to a community full of people who deal with exactly the same things I do, a community that is mostly traumatized and mentally ill people who are just trying to get by. Not even just that, but genuinely just people trying to exist and be honest about themselves.

It is not my place to dictate what is and isn't valid in terms of someone's personal identity, and even more, it's not okay for me to treat a whole community like garbage just because I didn't understand it.

Again, I do not want my actions to be excused. I treated people horribly and was a total dick, but I hope that me apologizing can at least make some of you feel better about how I behaved.

[ficoandleo]

I have mega ADHD so I forget things easily and have a hard time settling down and doing stuff. I don't remember everyone who deactivates or goes inactive. And I know I should express my love more for people who are currently around--i'd like to do that someday too!! But idk i kinda wanted to shout out to some of the people who deactivated/disappeared, especially recently, in the off chance they see this and know i love them lol

@battyoldman let's start with you because whether or not you decide to stick around you're kind of the most recent. I really hope you just need some time away for your mental health and, if this is something you'd like to continue doing, if it's something you enjoy, that you come back and keep blessing us with your presence. Your Ed is so. Silly and fun and chill and perfect. The video and movie titles you'd come up with are so befitting of his goofy conspiracy interests. You have really captured that old man's essence, in my opinion. Your interactions with Rui were so seamless I figured you were in one of the discord servers and already knew each other and you were just growing and exploring a relationship you'd already practiced in another setting. Honestly everything felt so seamless on your end when I saw you interact with others and when I got to interact with you--Ed was so largely unphased by everyone's shit and distaste for him(up until Towa said he was bad at sucking dick, he was not taking that lying down--) and the way he entertained himself with everyone's affairs. . .he really had the feeling of lying away in his tower, entertained by the humans. 10/10, if it's still fun for you I hope you won't leave us because we will miss you.

@ask-kaito-fuji i didn't get to interact with you much WHICH IS A SHAME. Your Kaito is so cute and he's. Really trying he felt so solid and charming and just awkward enough and I love the way you let him interact with posts that were ooc too because lbr he loves social media! He would be vibing out on tumblr!! It felt like he was this close to realizing he was in the matrix sometimes. Seeing people know a bunch of stuff and going 'why/how do you know so much it's so creepy!!' was delightful, and getting to personally chat with him once or twice was also very fun. 10/10 you brought the party to other people and you captured the character very well. His PDL is coming up though, so you may wanna hide him /joke

@frostheimking so your blog is gone but not deactivated(deactivated tumblrs have '-deactivated' and a string of numbers on the end of them and you can often still ping them) which, to me, reeks of Tumblr being stupid because I've seen that happen to multiple people before. I don't think you're gone on purpose, I assume there was a bad spam deletion somewhere or an alleged break of the rules because I've seen that happen before. So I'm hoping you either get the blog back or remake because, while you weren't around often because lbr it's slow around here for the most part, I loved your Jin??? I don't just mean because he was kinda flirting with Romeo, he was snappy and cold and. Idk he really felt like Jin. That's the best way I can think to word it, you captured his character from what I could see. I enjoyed our interactions and I enjoyed the ones you had with others too! I was looking forward to exploring Romeo and Jin's history and dynamic with you quite a bit haha. HOPEFULLY YOU GET YOUR BLOG BACK or remake if you're interested!! 10/10 tumblr fix your shit there's unfinished business--

@leo-brat-kurosagi-deactivated20 hey. You. You are far more Leo than I am lmao. I DO NOT HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO BE THE MEAN LEO THAT YOU WERE. I WISH I COULD BE AS SNARKY AND BRILLIANT. You weren't around super long and you didn't get to have a ton of interactions or answer a lot of asks but like. How do I say that I could just kind of tell what kind of potential was there for something great??? You handled him very well in the time you played him. You lived up to being a little brat for sure.

@sinostracasino-deactivated20241 YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE VISCERAL REACTION OF WHAT NO WHY COME BACK THAT I FELT SEEING YOU GONE. You were hilarious and fun and silly and also a good writer as I recall. Your Taiga had great energy and this underlying tension to him and we would have dug into that Taiga doesn't care about himself if Romeo wasn't afraid to do so. I was looking forward to them having some great, stupid, cyclical arguments, maybe a shootout, maybe eventually getting back together a little. And maybe a little something for that birthday trip to Rui's bar. And his chemistry and interactions with others and with anons were fun??? Immediately warming up to Towa? Teasing the honor students?? The little bit of 'bickering' with Ritsu? Also the way you tagged some of your reblogs god. 10/10 Taiga, he owes so much child support.

. . .those are the ones off the top of my head, mostly recent, which isn't to say I don't see or recognize or have appreciation for others not being around a lot or going away(like @/ask-lucas-errant who did answer an ask recently-ish, who isn't too active but that's probably because of lack of asks/interaction; @/shiranami-ren who I figure isn't around much because they draw a lot of their answers and that's a bit more intensive of a way to run their blog--amazing stuff and very much the classic way to do this from the old days, I would absolutely do the same if I could draw; and the Lycas who deleted probably because of inactivity) all of whom have/had great presentation for their characters and handled them well but. Idk. Maybe i ended up posting mostly people 'closer' to me in this context haha. . . .

I wish this fandom was bigger and more active with sending asks and stuff because I feel like that's a big contributor to people falling off or deleting, and I wish I were more consistent with asks and responses and better at sending asks myself because I could be the change I want to see in the world. (I feel like the asks I send have to be, like, good. Like I appreciate getting simple and basic asks but I feel like I need to ask Big Headcanon Questions or something.) But I know everyone's got their own lives and their own things going on so I'm not going to pretend I know what's going on with everyone, y'know? More than anything I hope everyone--active, inactive, deleted, or otherwise--is happy and safe and comfortable where they are and that the ones who've dropped off didn't do so because of anything bad or any kind of discouragement. Sometimes we lose interest in things and that's more than fine. Or life is busy. I hope you're all doing well. I miss you! I'm sure I'm not the only one!

[little-devils-advocate]

My Personal Experience With Neil Gaiman Here on Tumblr

So, I'm sure anyone who comes across my Blog will see from my Pinned Post that it was previously Deactivated here on Tumblr. I essentially used the Blog to discuss controversial issues: abortion, gun control, BLM, etc. & had done a lot of work there. I had been running it for years & talked about some pretty heavy stuff, catching a lot of criticism for my views, but I had never been Deactivated or even had anything taken down.

As you can see from what I have Posted here since restarting, I am a huge advocate for the homeless. I had been Following @neil-gaiman for a while as a minor fan, mainly due to my enjoyment of his stories Stardust & American Gods. I've read none of his books, because the writing style didn't appeal to me, but I have some of them & watched the Stardust movie & the American Gods show.

Anyway, I'd previously seen him Posting here on Tumblr complaining about his residuals & how little money he was making, which rubbed me the wrong way for obvious reasons, but I let it go, because it wasn't that big of a deal to me at the time. Everyone has scruples.

OP:

Months later I saw him Posting about the recent writer's strike & going on a tangent again. Everyone was patting him on the back & agreeing with him & it irked me. Badly. So, I Reblogged it with a picture of a tent city & a link to Sia's album Some People Have Real Problems. Obviously, it irked me that someone of his means was complaining about his residuals & how little writers make when people all over the country are struggling to make ends meet, many of them falling victim to homelessness. Like I said: some people have real problems. Writers also make much more than your average worker, but I digress.

He. Was. PISSED. He then proceeded to attack me on his Blog. I can't remember exactly what he said, but it was something along the lines of 'I'm famous, how dare you question me!' I was then attacked relentlessly by his mob of fans to whom I vehemently defended myself & my position. I even recall one fan telling me that 'One day [I was] gonna wake up & regret insulting Neil Gaiman.' I think it's safe to say that day never came. 🙄

I wish I had screenshots for you all, but, like I said, my Blog was almost immediately taken down after the incident, which I find crazy as nothing I Posted in regards to this was out of line in any way. I did have some questionable shit on my Blog due to my endless defense against trolls, but like I said before, none of it had ever gotten pulled until then, so I'm really not sure what happened. I checked his Blog, but I can no longer find the Post there.

My guess is that Neil has some very serious issues with women &, quite frankly, I'm not suprised. I feel terrible for cracking up at him being dragged through the mud when I first got online this morning. I just saw part of the Post on FB via Threads & couldn't read it all, so I wondered what he did this time. I could never have imagined that it had to do with a SA or I would never have cracked a joke. I will try to be fully informed before I Post from now on, I just really felt a sense of vindication & closure when I saw that, & now even more so. And to that asshole, I will never wake up & regret insulting Neil Gaiman; Maybe if he wasn't being an entitled piece of shit with a broken moral compass I never would have done it. It just goes to show you that we need to stop idolizing celebrities. "You don't know these people."

I hope any of his victims continue to come forward so he can get his just desserts. On a personal level, I am so, so sorry that this happened to you & I empathize with you.

-LDA

Context:

[ilyuu-archive]

update!

get ready folks this is a rollercoaster of emotions but uh, just to put this out here, it isn’t exactly good news

alright, so i think i’m gonna go ahead and quit writing for this blog. yeah, not exactly the best start to this - you think as a writer i’d know what words to use.

before anything - nope, i am not going to deactivate my blog, next best thing is to archive it since there’s so many memories that i like to at least keep, of my moots and of just a lot of things in general that i like to memorialize and a lot of writings and posts.

i want to keep them here because i want someone, whoever comes across it, to read whichever one and feel some semblance of comfort; that’s the main reason why i made this blog in the first place and that’s how i intend to leave it.

oh uh, yeah, for the reasons why i’m quitting, i can technically list a few :

genshin burnout : i don’t feel as strongly as i do for the game anymore, not as excited, even as fontaine was released, and stopped playing it a few months back. so, y’know, as genshin-centric this blog is, it’s technically a bit hard to try and get into something that you long lost interest for.

school : it’s catching me off-guard every time and even though i found a rhythm with my classes and schedule, it’s only asking for more of my time and, quite literally demanding. i’ll be honest and say that i can’t juggle a blog with a post every day and stay consistent with my schoolwork and what’s expected of me. i need to start thinking about my future.

spiraling thoughts : yup, you read that right; i’m back at it again with me thinking that my writing isn’t good enough and am doubting my skills as a writer as a whole, especially with my way of writing that as his poetic touch to it that’s making me wonder if it’s even worth anything at all.

with that, i think i just need to start writing for myself again because i haven’t felt that feeling for literally a while now.

have i thought about this for a while now? i have actually, somewhere in the middle of august but i was really, really hesitant for a lot of reasons.

said reasons being mainly my moots. i don’t like the ideas of leaving any of them behind at all, especially with them being the main reason why i love opening this app every day, seeing them flood my dash with everything that happened the night before, saying good morning, and seeing them in my notifs and inbox with their chaos and genuineness. i have so many memories here that i consider so dear to me because of each and every one of them, making my day and night, and… i don’t know, it’d suck to lose all of them.

@mikacynth : you were my first moot and i know i’ve mentioned and said this so many times to the point that you’d probably get sick of it but it did and does mean a lot to me knowing that you opened a door for me to meet so many others that made writing and just being on here amazing. you’re just so damn cool, creative, and nice and i’m so, so happy that i met you.

@floraldresvi : i don’t remember how i met you, and i’m so sorry for that vi, but you’re the kindest, absolutely gentle and attentive person i know and i just wonder how i ever got the chance to talk to you and be moots. i wish you nothing but the best because that’s all you deserve and more and you better keep that in mind vi.

@st0pthatsgay : this was a strangers to friends to lovers arc fr!! sorry i couldn’t help that, do you know how long i wanted to make that joke? but seriously, oli, you and your unbridled chaos and energy never fails to make my dash and quite literally everyone else who follows you like a rom-com movie or something; i’m so glad that i can call you a moot and one that i cherish so, so much.

@papiliotao : rei, you made my day whenever you drop in one of your small blurbs into my inbox and i get the space to just write whatever comes to mind; it was a little thing we had and, i don’t know, i loved it. i love it still a lot. it was like a duo we had and always made me smile with whatever we talked about, maybe just about writing in general or the cats that you always see. i’m just sorry that we won’t be able to have our wedding soon. really.

@supernova25 : bestie, i still remember those times about the ai bots!! i still think about them a lot!! it was fun!! in general, you’re always a lot of fun to talk to, and it could be about anything and it’d fly off the roof. also your asks about the most random of things has definitely made me feel better on my worst of days just to put that out there.

@soleillunne : i’d make a joke about you running up for the title of creator of angst and all that but you’ve always been so sweet so let me just push that aside, considerate as well; don’t think i didn’t see you send me links of anything scaramouche related because i do and i appreciate that so much

@hollythius-rising : YOU AND YOUR THEME CHANGES DON’T THINK I DON’T NOTICE THEM you’re also very very sweet and chaotic when it comes to your taste in tall purple men in lab coats but we don’t talk about that aosjksjs just that it’s always been a pleasure to talk to you whenever we have the chance to

@mondaymelon : YOU. we vibe with each other a lot like radio waves and it got me all giddy, and i’d just drop a lot of memes into your inbox just so i could see how you’d react only for you to give me a taste of my own medicine when you do the same thing 100 times more effectiveaisjsjs

@venusflwers : those late nights of playing roblox with you makes me feel so, so happy, you have no idea. it’s filled with crack with whatever you say and you somehow make a horror game feel like some comedy instead i swear; you’re literally the most unhinged and funniest person i met and i love that about you so much

@kazumist : it’s like a parent watching their kid grow up and then completely surpass them in terms of height. yeah, that’s you akiaki!! always frothing over your writing, your drabbles, because it had that soft and domestic feeling to them that i absolutely love to the moon and back

@m1shapanda, @snobwaffles, @vennnnn-diagram : you three are, excuse me for my language, so fucking amazing. i always wanted to talk to you so many times and even when i did, always hoped that we could’ve talked a bit more. misha, you’re so cool and i always wanted to just ramble with you; that and your art is so pretty and soft and just so DAMN COOL did i mention that? snob, you detective, you and your curse arts that make me laugh as much as pour bleach on my eyes (/j), you’re just so supportive and i really like that about you. ven, i wished we could’ve talked a lot more too with how just vibe with everyone so quickly and easily - you’re just as amazing, really.

and to all of my other moots, the same goes to you, even with the ones i didn’t talk to as much - just being moots with you, knowing that someone liked me like i liked them made me feel more belong on here and more a part of something. i’ve never been a part of something like this, and know so many people and to know that i mean something to them? yeah, that really, really means a lot to me.

i’d probably just be a lurker on here than anything… haven’t really thought that far, only that i know that i can’t stay on here any longer without feeling guilty, burdened, stressed, or all of the above. or maybe just start off as a smaller blog again without any sense of obligation because ever since i’ve hit 500, which was a while ago, that’s what this blog started to feel like with each bit of time that passed.

i’ve enjoyed it, of course i did, don’t get me wrong! i’ve just been enjoying it less than i did when i started off, that feeling of accomplishment and joy and pride at myself numbing a bit more with each milestone i passed. that’s just all me though, i’m sure.

anyways, not right now though, maybe just around the weekends when i actually have time to spare. so, until then, i’ll stick around here as much as i can. other than that, i don’t have much else to say other than thank you.

that i hope that you’ll keep doing what you love, whatever that is, despite the highs and lows. just know that the community you’re in is filled with people who love you through and through and that i do too - that you’ll do what you love because you want to, not because you should.

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

genuine question: how can we use this website to be less annoying to others?

Glad to give my thoughts. Like I said, I’m very petty and most of this stuff probably isn’t as big a deal to most people. Anyway I’m bad at being brief so I added a readmore. Here are my personal rules:

1: Don’t add anything to the body of a post unless you have something that you really feel will add some degree of value, meaning, humor, context, or at least something to people further down the reblog chain.

This is the most important rule. Adding something to a post makes it longer, it makes it so everyone who reblogs it in the chain after you has to see it. If you have nothing to add but “wow” or “holy shit” you are lengthening the post for no reason. Those reactions can easily go in the tags.

This is also the reason I think gimmick blogs are so annoying. It’s one thing for a “heritage post” blog to reblog things related to its respective gimmick. Simply reblogging them puts that thing on their blog, so anyone looking at it or following them because they want to see “heritage posts” will see it. But they go a step further and add “X heritage post” for no real reason other than to brand the post as theirs.

When I see a post that I like that has useless additions that take up space while adding nothing I get mildly annoyed and go to the reblog of the person who reblogged it before they did just to trim the useless comments off. But if that person deactivated then I can’t trim the comment. Tumblr lets you trim to the original post without any of the additions regardless of if op is deactivated or not with the little X on the reblog menu, but only to the original post. It’s better than nothing though

This whole point is, to me, a bit of tumblr etiquette that makes it so you don’t have to see unrelated comments from someone you don’t follow just because they thought to add a pointless comment way up the chain. This definitely is petty, but if you remember how the old tumblr formatting worked, this was extremely important because each addition took up even more screen space with the line to the next persons url and squished the original post into smaller and smaller spaces. So that’s probably why I feel so strongly about it even though it doesn’t matter as much anymore.

2: The tags are mostly your free space to say what you want, BUT try and respect that OP will likely see them.

A LOT of communication done on this website is done through talking in the tags. That’s not what they were originally meant for but that doesn’t matter anymore. People will likely be looking in their notes to see tags by their mutuals.

The original poster can and will see every tag on a post, unless they delete the post or mute notifications. Mute notifications seems like it doesn’t work, but that’s because it only mutes future notifications on the post, the tags in your notes before muting will still be there regardless

This is to say that in most situations, if the op is someone like me who uses their notes to communicate with their mutuals and others in their communities, your irrelevant tags might also be there and annoy them. So use courtesy when tagging. Thankfully tumblr cuts off tags after a certain point on the notes page but still keep it in mind. I go overboard writing mini essays in the tags all the time, and while I do think that is a little annoying I do it anyway so I can’t blame people.

3: Keep blorbo tagging to a minimum if you can help it.

This is probably my most controversial stance, but blorbo tagging can be really annoying in certain circumstances.

The biggest offender to me are tagging make characters on posts about women. I don’t care that you think he’s your babygirl or whatever, I find this extremely annoying. I get it, sometimes a post fits your character really closely but the gender is wrong, but usually it doesn’t and they’re just doing this on any post even slightly related to a single aspect of a male character they care about. Often because most tumblr fandom people couldn’t be bothered to care about female characters if that was the only way to escape a saw trap alive.

There are other blorbo tag type things that annoy me, and again I’m a petty bitch, so take it with a grain of salt. But to me this one is a little personal (for lack of a better word). One of my first big posts on this blog was about wizard girls leaning in to kiss and having the brims of their hats get in the way. I didn’t mind the blorbo tagging about men that much, but they got less and less related to the post that it was annoying. The last straw before I deleted the post (back when I didn’t realize mute notifications actually worked. It might not have at the time) was a tag about their male blorbos leaning in to kiss and their belt buckles got in the way???

Idk I just find blorbo tagging in general mildly annoying and only do it when the post is an extremely perfect fit for on the characters I care about. I often block people for blorbo tagging about characters from things I dislike, I’m petty and the block button is fun for me to press, so I do that often. :)

4: NOT EVERY POST IS ABOUT YOU!!!

If you see a post that isn’t about you or your demographics or gender or whatever, you really don’t need to make it about you. That will very likely annoy op, especially because no one would have anything against you if you went and wrote your own post inspired by whatever the post in question said.

Not every post about lesbians needs to be made about gay men. Not every post about trans women needs to be made about trans men. Not every post about women needs to be made about men. And probably most important:

Not every post needs to be made about white people!

I know you might be thinking how writing something in the tags about your experience as a white person relating to what op is talking about, but I promise you they don’t want to hear it from us. They almost certainly are seeing tags from other white people because for some reason we can’t seem to see someone posting about issues of racism without having either the “I’m sorry for being white” or “white devils advocate” voices appear in our heads, just ignore it. Bite your tongue and reblog or move on for the love of god stop pestering the op.

Obviously the lesbian, trans women, and women ones are the ones I see in my notes that are annoying. But I can’t pretend I haven’t seen other white people say some really unnecessary shit in the tags / haven’t seen posts by nonwhite people who are clearly annoyed about how we always make everything about us.

Remember, you can always write your own post!

5: OP didn’t “turn off replies”

This feels like something that wouldn’t happen that often, but multiple times when I’ve made even mildly controversial takes about like video games or whatever, people will either add in a reblog or send me an ask complaining that I “turned off replies because I was afraid of hearing them disagree” usually followed by them calling me a coward. It’s very simple, I have reply settings so that people I follow and people who have followed me for at least like a week can reply, that’s it. I don’t have replies from everyone on because most people outside of those categories I don’t care about their opinions and they are annoying. If you can’t reply, that’s probably why. And if they actually did turn off replies, that’s because they don’t want replies, especially from people like the ones I just described.

6: I actually don’t have a problem with spam reblogging

This might seem backwards given my other stances on things taking up unnecessary space like useless comments, but I really don’t mind spam reblogs. I frequently do it when I see art I really like or when there’s a post that really resonates with me. Yes, it is annoying! No, I probably won’t stop. I do it so I can’t judge other people who do too. I am trying to keep it to like 5 times at most though, any more is just overkill.

7: OP is a stranger, not your friend

This one applies basically everywhere on the internet, but unless the person who made the post is someone who is like a mutual or someone that’s you’ve interacted with a lot before, they’re probably a stranger. Don’t try to be “playfully rude” or overly familiar. It’s annoying and weird and you will get blocked.

8: If you’re sending an anonymous ask, remember that OP is not going to take you in good faith most of the time

A lot of anon asks aren’t meant to be malicious, but a lot of others are. Bait, hate mail, insults, you name it, there’s a very good reason people like me assume every anon is sent in bad faith for some purpose. If you are going to send an anon ask, try to make it clear that you genuinely just want to ask a question and that you aren’t trying to trick op into saying something you can use to write a callout post against her or whatever.

You did that in this very ask thing and that’s why I’m writing out this long post instead of deleting it or letting it rot in the inbox.

9: Prev Tags etiquette / “Peer Reviewed” Tags

The usage of “prev tags” is controversial, a lot of people have different opinions on it. But with all the changes they made last year that made it harder to see the tags of the person before the person who’s reblog you are viewing, I think prev tags etiquette has changed.

My personal rules for prev tags are to copy the tags into my own tags, and then follow them up with a tag that says “<- prev tags”. Unfortunately tumblr tags convert dashes into spaces for some reason so it ends up looking like “< prev tags”. I’m stubborn and don’t want to like use an emoji arrow though. Anyway, tumblr mobile conveniently allows you to copy the tags of the person you are reblogging from surprisingly easily which I appreciate.

Unlike previous tags, which stay in the tags and don’t turn into an addition to the post, “peer reviewed” tags as they are sometimes called do get added to the post permanently for the remaining blog chain.

The unfortunate truth about this website is that some people have bad opinions on what qualifies as being meaningful enough to be cemented as an addition to the post via “peer review”. As such, the phrase “how could you leave this in the tags 🤣” has essentially become another “you sir have won the internet 🤣”

The shitty part about that is sometimes there are good and meaningful additions in the tags that are worth being added to the post as a whole. But you can add someone’s tags to a post without saying “how could you leave this in the tags”. Anyway this one is more subjective and hard to define so I hope I got my point across at least somewhat.

Anyway, there are probably a few other rules I personally follow that I’m not thinking about right now, but just follow general internet etiquette and try to keep in mind that op is a person who will likely read whatever you type, that covers most things tbh! Thanks for reading if you somehow read this far. Hope this helped! If it didn’t, oh well, I did try and warn you I’m petty and have strong opinions about things that usually don’t matter afterall

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Hi booky!

Marketing anon here.

So I don’t think whether or not CE is really married is really important at this point (RE: he’s in HW where the majority of relationships…I suspect have strings being pulled in the back).

The fact is that’s the narrative they are going to with and want to sell, so he is just pushing that narrative along. He/they want you to know and think he’s married. I personally believe that’s the important part about all this. But he and others around him are intentionally keeping it vague and I think it’s working to their favor because it plays into the whole privacy thing they were going for.

Saying “my wife is from PT” basically implies he married a woman from PT. That’s not giving anything exact but it’s also implying he married AB, the woman he’s been linked to most recently and she’s from PT. But at the same time, there millions of woman in PT/from PT. Who’s to say he’s not married to one of them, especially if they haven’t come out and said it was with each other? 🤣

So he confirms without actually having to confirm and if I had to make an educated guess, I would say that’s as good as you’re going to get it. Don’t quote me on this though.

I know some team real blogs were saying it’s normal for someone to not say their partner’s name, and that’s true for the most part. Think about how when you meet someone random - and you mention your partner. Do you necessarily say your partner’s name? Probably not, especially if you don’t know the person like that.

The thing is, with CE/AB the plausible deniability and vagueness is a pattern.

It’s not just him once saying my wife in passing, it’s also him not mentioning her for two years, then suddenly mentioning a nameless GF, then eventual nameless wife.

Same goes for her.

“My husband” “my dog” “pictures of the dog but no tags of the husband even tho everyone knows whose dog that is”. Even her trolling best friends do the most and only troll by posting suggestive backgrounds and no direct tags. If you’ve paid attention this entire time it’s very easy to tell there’s a reason they’ve done this for this long. TBH, I had my suspicions at first they were just trying to protect privacy because they hadn’t gone public yet and people were already harassing them. But after they went fully public the same charades continued all the way past the wedding and into the new year? That’s when my suspicions were more or less confirmed - that this was intentional orchestration and some form of strategy. Weird, yes, but not unheard of. In fact, my suspicions are that other celebs have done something similar to this too (re: Leo DiCaprio and Gigi hadid, bill hader and Anna Kendrick). I think in Hollywood there are so many strings being pulled all the time. Nothing is coincidence. Nothing is coincidence in marketing in general. Things are planned out well in advance and I mean this wholeheartedly.

He posted two stories with her and he never says her name out loud (does everyone remember that?), he doesn’t tag her (well she was deactivated, but he doesn’t mention her name in the videos in captions either).

She never refers to him by name and the one time PT reporters tried to talk to her she refused to talk to them. She lets in tags of herself but never anything confirming or alluding to anything directly to him. Notice how before they went public she was letting herself get tagged in basically everything related to their dating rumors and she was keeping all their dating comments in but deleting and untagging others? Now she’s doing the opposite and I feel that may be intentional too. Maybe.

The one time they attend the same premiere - did you notice he didn’t take pics with her? She got her solo pics and then disappeared? She then posts a pic of herself at this premier but doesn’t tag him, the movie, or the cast? Is it ungratefulness or is it strategy? Think about it.

His friends/her friends all post separately from the same place and it’s only this most recent PT sighting he’s in a photo with Joana (weird right?)

You get suggestive follows and likes but no real interactions that can be legitimate.

I believe that’s why TMZ has been acting so shady throughout all of this. I think they know something’s up.

I think everyone knows the big thing at play here is plausible deniability. It always has been.

Wearing wedding rings - ok but anyone can wear a ring TBH? It doesn’t really say too much.

Lastly - in my line of work marketing and PR work the same in some ways but also different. My company puts out press releases (which I help write) when we announce things like winning industry awards, acquisitions, partnerships, rebranding. But we don’t do a ton of really innovative stuff and PR is pretty low maintenance here. So while the methods and processes are the same, I imagine PR in HW is much different, more complex, and more creative (lol). I don’t have any answers for why they do what they do, but I can tell you the vague wording they’ve repeatedly use definitely means something. I don’t think it’s just coincidental.

What I’m trying to get here is that marketing and PR in any industry is going to involve a bit of “fudging the truth and stretching the line to make things seem a certain way to fit a certain narrative. It’s absolutely manipulative when you put it that way but it’s also business. It’s not personal. It’s why I don’t let it get to me and I just let it be. Don’t lose sleep over it. All things will unfold as they should.

Have a great night!

Hey, Marketing An🫶n!

Good to see you again! ☺️ And as I expected, you're insightful. And gave well-articulated thoughts. So, thank you 😌

Have a good night! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[pancakejikook]

So, I used to pretty active here, some of you might remember me. I'm not an army anymore but I still have a soft spot for jikook so I occasionally check on what they've been up to, but I don't delve deep at all and miss a lot of stuff. In the past few days however I was overcome by a sudden jikook-missing wave and started going through some of my tags from when my blog was active which made me miss them even more (and also made me realize that the overwhelming majority of the blogs I used to reblog from have since deactivated or just stopped posting/turned their blogs into something else, which was a bit sad). So I went to the jikook tag and started browsing a bit to see what was going on in the shipdom. I was a bit surprised to see how little activity there is in the tag compared to a few years ago, and there seems to be quite a mess going on: extremely polarized views compared to before, dubious amounts of delulu theories, and especially a lot of jikookers dropping the ship for one reason or another, although most or the reasons given make little sense to me (yes, I did see THAT post and all I'm gonna say is.. yikes). And like, you do you. We don't have to agree on everything. You know more than I do anyway lol, since I don't follow jikook closely. But there was one specific thing that kinda baffled me. The JM tattoo discourse. I'm late to the party, I know. I'm sure a lot was said at the time, but I wasn't around back then checking the tag. I was vaguely aware that jk talked about his tattoos in a live, and claimed the ARMY tattoo on his hand referred to armys (duh) and the J referred to Jungkook (makes sense). I literally didn't think anything of it at all at the time, I just thought it was nice of him to explain the meaning of his tats. But while scrolling through the jikook tag these past few days I realized that quite a lot of people considered that to be some sort of "debunking" that the JM stands for Jimin, sometimes to the point of dropping the ship because of it, or considering it the ultimate proof that jikookers have lost it if they still believe it stands for jimin and are now moving like teakookers or whatever. And I'm just, confused. I was like where is the debunking. Now. I'm not one for delulu theories. I think they can be fun sometimes, and I used to reblog some of them from time to time but for the most part I just thought they were cringe and always preferred to focus on jikook's actual actions and words (I never really actually cared if they were "real" or not, I just love their relationship and have enough reasons to believe they have feelings for each other and are attracted to each other, but how they deal with these feelings and attraction isn't really any of my business). However, the JM thing. I wasn't even aware it was considered a theory. For me it's just.. there. His ring finger literally spells out JM. Not a theory, it's a fact. Jk knows that JM is frequently used to refer to jimin, we literally have abundant proof of it. Jimin knows it. Armys know it. So unless you think Jungkook is a complete idiot who has somewhat never realized how that's gonna be perceived (which is possible I guess, but very unlikely), it was obviously deliberate. However, I never, ever, ever for a second thought that Jungkook would ever "confirm" it verbally one day. I see it as a statement on its own, that doesn't require an explanation and will never get one because it doesn't need one. It's just there, it speaks for itself, you can just choose whether you wanna see it or ignore it. So I was just puzzled to see people think there was any "debunking" going on. He didn't lie. Of course the M is part of ARMY. Of course the J is for Jungkook. But the JM is still for Jimin. He's not gonna say it because there is no need for him to. In a way, it's comparable to gcft. It's all there for everyone to see, and he knows it, but he's never gonna spell it out. He's never gonna say this is my love declaration for Jimin in video format. He doesn't need to, you'll see it on your own if you're open to it.

I really mean no offense but I feel that sometimes some people go so hard with the whole "I am SKEPTICAL because I'm smart and not a delulu shipper like you and I don't wanna be associated with you clowns" that it ends up circling back to being delusional except in the opposite direction. Apparently some of you genuinely think he just happened to put the J above the M, on his ring finger, and it just HAPPENS to read JM vertically. He also concidentally happens to never cover up the J with rings, and regularly gets the JM touched up but not the other letters (and I DID think jikookers were being delusional about this at first, but it kept happening and became undeniable so what was the point of denying it, I thought). All a coincidence. It doesn't mean anything, because Jungkook pointed out the obviousness of ARMY meaning his fandom and J meaning Jungkook. Did I miss something huge here?

[minhosimthings]

i hope riddhi fucks off tumblr please. and yes, i strongly believe that's her and not some random adult

like, think about it, if she wasn't riddhi, there would be no need to do all that she did and an adult would simply say, "oh, no, i'm not riddhi, my english is just like that because (whatever fucking reason because it's ok to not have good english)"

instead she goes and acts like a child, which she very obviously is, and says unwarranted shit. there was no fucking reason to try and shame mona for talking about her nightmares because this is her fucking blog, and riddhi doing it is even more fucked up because as her once moot, she shouldn't have crossed that line. but then again, what do we expect from a fucking 12 year old who's not even fully 12 yet

also anyone with two fucking eyes would know mona's writing is legendary and if you don't think so, it's ok but you can at least agree that she's better than a 12 year old who's still learning english. if she said "riddhi's writing is better than yours" then i'm believing that it's riddhi herself

like i said in the post i reblogged, as someone who had no problems lying about her age and run a whole ass nsfw blog, i didn't think her deactivating deluluriddhi was the last we were gonna see of her

at first i wanted to be considerate of her age despite all that she did and hoped she wouldn't get any hate, but now i don't know anymore

NO CAUSE THAT'S WHY I WAS SAYING LIKE if you really were an adult why would you ever say "I hate being misunderstood"? No one is trying to misunderstand you seriously, we just made a collective decision because you eerily reminded us of someone we once knew where the fuck did misunderstanding come from?

Omg writing lengendary stop Selene I will smooch you and never let you go I have no problem with her saying anything against my writing, but to shame my nightmares? Something she did before the entire revealing her actual age fiasco came over? *Sighs* it's like she's trying to expose herself.

The one thing that pisses me off, is the fact that we were ok with welcoming Riddhi back if she agreed to only interact with sfw. But lo and behold remember what she said? "That won't work for me" I mean Kid seriously you brought the downfall upon yourself

[feelingdeath]

The last one (for a while)

I have zero drafts now, fewish followers, and this is going to be my 385th post.

I am logging off of tumblr, for a good bit. I did think about deleting my account, but i have people on here that i care about and who care about me (also i remember when @doritosaftersex deactivated his account and i felt bad). So instead ill come back in maybe a few months or years, or maybe never depends on well lol if i actually kms. Although don't worry i really doubt i have the time or energy for that. Before i go though i lowkey realised that i haven't ever spoken about like the well other side of me. The parts that i don't tumblr about. So here's this post- an Introduction and a Good-Bye.

My name's Piki, and that's me in the pfp { One of the good days}.

i like cats. (I think most people would start off like that).

M a living cliche and also a hypocrite cos i hate cliches and i literally wanna do something different, but oops =).

I have been in two relationships, second one going on right now, been over six months (and i think this is the last one because i might marry him [ totally will] and i couldn't ask for anyone more better).

I think I am an extrovert ? I don't really know. Making tumble mutuals was so hard for me i literally have only one ( @mqstermindswift ).

i like cyanide, the color and the song and the vibe. (My favourite artists are The Chainsmokers, Linkin Park, MGK, OH AND JAKEHILL [i love jake hill])

I like Italian food and will. eat. anything. that has cheese. I am kinda vegetarian though, i don't like the idea of eating an animal who probably had a family but i absolutely HATE animals as a whole (ref to point 3 about me being a hypocrite)

I hate everyone and everything, the first thing that i said to morphi and it also got me my nickname piki - which means m picky about everything.

i also love doing everything (fk m confusing). i dance, and love to cook, and i draw really well, and i can play the guitar, i learnt the violin nd the piano too a bit, i like debating a lot, and volunteering for things.

On the surface my life seems great, but then comes the well the stuff- i mean clearly it would take you a few scrolls across my blog to see how er bad it really gets but well-

I might have bpd? i am not sure.

i feel terribly lonely sometimes and also inferior to everyone around me.

my parents are not the greatest people out there. they both have done stuff that well i wont type it out here of course, but its bad.

the above thing dig this really deep pit of trust issues and well now i believe in tragedies more than hope ( morphi hates that but he'll get it once he knows)

i have tried to km, when i was younger. And if i had a penny for everytime i thought about killing myself elon musk and i would be homies.

i am really gorey, and i like horror movies and the gore and CNC and stuff.

i cant open up. too many expectations.

i get really low sometimes and i end up saying stuff or doing stuff and i don't particularly remember why or what i did, and so i poof (another thing morphi hates).

i hurt myself a lot which probably comes from point 6.

Sounds like two different people now. There is SO MUCH i haven't told about me, but if you have even like read this at all. M lowkey impressed. I am not going to go in and fix my spelling mistakes and capitalisation so go figure.

OKAY GOODBYE.

[torushawty]

thank u emmie for posting this, hi so ! first v sorry for the never ending annoying discourse, i’m like not on here anymore but this is needed to add my side of the story especially since i play a part, i had to take my blog of seven months @/kazushawty down for some petty accusations i didn’t start. as well as since i’ve dealt w the same sub post issue/bullying not that long ago this month + similar drama kind of by this creator.

i was mentioned here by another fellow writer (won’t mention to protect their peace) so, i’m gonna speak up because i know i previously said, i have a life and i don’t care about this high school type drama, but what i’m not gonna do is stay quiet and keep my mouth closed while i was being mocked and talked about from the side lines for no reason when i didn’t even do anything

that being said, i have every right to defend myself and i’d like to also speak for any other fellow deactivated writers who lost their hobby or passion of writing just to this unnecessary childish discourse

also this isn’t a post to by any means be hateful i’m just simply sharing my experience

i remember around sometime the beginning of this october right before the discourse started i got two anons on the same day that involved this writer, and me being confused, i answered it because i figured people were being genuine. one was like “is this saetoru’s second account? /gen” and then another was like “i hope this doesn’t come off as weird but you remind me so much of saetoru you guys have the same humor” and i guess they figured i sent those to myself? because it was mentioned (i obviously didn’t, it’s even weird i got not one but two anons that revolved that blog on the same day hm) i honestly didn’t think much of it really, so i answered both and went along with my day.

but then come to find out a day or two the drama started, someone shows me this screenshot from said writer’s main and it revolves around this ask which was revealed of being my @

while i appreciate it a lot, i can see how it would have caused things between writers— however for the anon, there’s no need to pin writers against each other and consider one’s skill better than the other, but i feel like this entire situation was a simple misunderstanding (?) i think it was unintentional but reacted in the wrong way, also i got randomly accused of sending this ask, which again i did not. i’ll say this right now, if you have something you wanna talk about just dm. the only “proof” it was apparently me doing everything was all because of the backwards apostrophe and i do that in my writing sometimes only because (1) …. not everyone has an american keyboard, and also, (2) it could be anyone sending that anon. literally. anyone. so blaming it on one person without solid proof anyway is nuts

my thing is, i was literally never contacted in private to deal with this, only to find out i get blocked not even hours later and talked about after i find out this even happened. i completely understand blocking someone, i am not mad in the slightest about being blocked, you’re utilizing the button, that’s in your right. but to hard block and proceed to bash them behind closed doors is entirely childish in every shape or form.

some might say “no one asked you to deactivate” i left on my own choice and accord, mainly being this discourse shit is not worth it. reason why i’m not on here at all after everything happened. all this for some anime porn about pixels. this is tumblr dot com, this app doesn’t pay my bills or any of my necessities and i know when to not take things serious and this entire thing has been so so so so drawn out. literally i write for fictional characters for fun then out of nowhere i get accused of things with no proof only to then get talked about as if i won’t see it, as if i won’t respond. don’t get me wrong, i hate any types of drama, i don’t care for it but if my name is getting dragged out i’m gonna say something because i have every right to defend myself. if you’re gonna talk about me, at least message me so we can have an adult conversation? 😭 all this ‘hard block and sub post all types of bullshit about this person’ is really.. this is so unneeded. no confrontation happened at all and it’s just so

strange how all this evidence is now all deleted, but i wanna talk about this too, because firstly i didn’t befriend anyone. if anyone knows me, i don’t ask people to be mutuals anymore due to my own comfort reasons. and about my anons on my main being off days before, i never said i got those anons sent from her, i’ve been getting hate silently way before this discourse even happened, i only then decided to speak about it on oct. 9 on my call out post + plus this thing coming out of nowhere on top of the constant racism and hate was just really again, not needed in the slightest.

and again, idk why i kept getting accused of sending anons to this blog when NO PROOF IS BEING SHOWN. how are you gonna accuse someone then not show evidence of what’s being spoken of, let alone confront the person directly. at that point you’re just going off your own word. it makes no sense. like i said, if i have an issue, i’m gonna be an adult and say what i need to say to your face instead of just blocking to only then continue to bring a person’s name up while they clearly can’t speak for themselves

instead of accusing someone, maybe i don’t know, get proof first. because at that point you’re just spreading erroneous false claims. i have no types of time to be living in anyone’s inbox, let alone anonymously. it’s the way this could have easily been prevented and cleared up if i was contacted about the matter, but i literally never was. i got hard blocked for an issue i only found out about many hours later, then i start getting mocked and blamed for doing all types of untrue things—

i’m not gonna immediately assume they’re talking about me in this post like they immediately assumed i was dogpiling them wtv anons but i recall this post that’s now deleted was perhaps sneak dissing me judging from the shawty in my url, also this was right after i deactivated. if i can remember in the asks that was answered about me, i thought you said you didn’t know i existed, so you miss my posts on the dash now? weird

if this ain’t about me, my bad. it is kinda odd.. this is deleted now but just something to think about

this is ridiculous, and really immature. if you have a problem with me you wanna talk about, just spare the energy and @ me or dm. bc all this lame sub posting shit towards people and not confronting them in private is so kiddy, we’re supposed to be adults and stuff like this is happening. what is this, high school? the constant mocking, bashing, and belittling other writers is just really . . i cant depict a word for it, but it’s really concerning.

this is supposed to be a fun place, not a toxic competitive place— this is an app, to write, create or do whatever. and why yes it is sad i was one of the many writers leaving due to this, at the end of the day it’s not the end of the world because i don’t take it serious like most do. tumblr is a hobby, and i won’t get worked up over it. i can always start over again

without tumblr, you’re literally.. just an average person behind a screen lol. no one is a celebrity on here regardless if you’re a big known blog or not. we all do the same thing at the end of the day, and that’s to write about fictional made up characters. i agree, i feel like people weaponize their high following count to do or say whatever they want and not get held accountable.

sadly after reading everyone else’s shared experiences, i’m sure even this won’t do anything. this will pass and then more writers are gonna get ran off. it’s truly not fun to spend time on a platform where such discourse is never ending, but it’s important to know your worth, there’s no shame in deactivating. there aren’t any hard feelings because again, i don’t take this entire thing serious, i wish all parties nothing but the best regardless. logging out and later deleting this acc like i said to move on but that’s all i had to say. it is quite sad to abandon your passion or hobby because of dumb drama, but what’s really important is to protect your peace.

saetoru is talking abt you on her private blog (@/clorindes) yuckkkkk

CW BULLYING, LITERALLY IMMATURE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA, SUB POSTING.

hi nonnie, thank you for letting me know! since i’m leaving this blog & this platform for the foreseeable future i figured i might aswell get a few things off of my chest before i go. i apologise in advance for the vibes this post will probably bring, the discourse & the posts that will ofcourse follow, but i honestly i am not the first person to be targeted by this creator and i’m sure i won’t be the last considering the amount of creators that have been bullied off of this app by them.

first off i’ve had multiple blogs that would be considered bigger blogs such as @/hvnlydmn, @/atsymu + now this blog which is the biggest of all 3. i think there’s a sort of unspoken responsibility that comes with being a bigger blog which i know is no fun but it’s also because it can be super harmful on a site like this, when people weaponise their following.

on that note i’ll start this post by saying that i’ve known tee for probably around 3/4 years, maybe? we were mutuals on hvnlydmn & atsymu and we continued to talk on discord even when i was off of tumblr. i will honestly admit to this day i have never had a negative interaction with tee to my face and she was genuinely supportive of me during any discourse i was involved in. i am not some angel, i’ve had my fair share of crap on this app (of my own doing) but this post is not meant to come across like “oh she doesn’t like me so i’m calling her out” no. im sorry if this doesn’t line up with my brand and my ‘victim complex’ but i’m not gonna lie down and let someone on a power trip on a hobby app drag me through the mud.

first off i had began to get some off vibes from tee when i had started writing on garoujo, notably when i’d just hit my first milestone which was probably around 1k. during this i had decided to move my instagram theme from my main blog to my writing blog.

i’d noticed tee subposting (on main and on her personal blog which i followed at the time) about someone basically using the same theme as her, which after then clicking onto her blog i realised was an instagram theme. i didn’t think much of it, again me & tee were friends and she hadn’t came to me directly so ignored it. i was still a new blog and trying to solidly an aesthetic (before the beige lol) so i changed my theme / masterlists / layouts a lot.

a few more sub posts later i decided to message tee about it because with every thing i’d change / post on my blog, there always seemed to be another post. so i messaged her and got this response in: (i’ve blurred out my irl name btw) open up pics for convo!

so i let it slide, kept posting & that was that. probably a few days / a week later, tee had soft blocked me which then eventually led to me being hard blocked. i was upset ofcourse because i genuinely considered tee a good friend but i’ve always been a big advocate in controlling your space.

this was when, one of our mutuals in common (the first of many may i add) approached me on discord to say that just like now, i was being ripped to shreds on tee’s personal blog:

again i was notably upset about this because i was being accused of not only copying her theme but also her writing & masterlists, we did have a lot of mutuals in common so it was also upsetting knowing they would all be seeing these posts aswell. i allowed myself one sub post about “creating a narrative” because i was particularly frustrated but tee then also subposted about this, even though she had me blocked?

i would also like to say regarding our mutuals in common that this was not the first or last mutual to approach me regarding tee. i’ve had multiple people tell me that “they’re only mutuals with her because it would be more damaging not to be” “it’s easier to be on her side”. also i am not saying this is okay but i’ve had multiple of her current mutuals send me not only her posts, but screenshots of her private, personal instagram & also tell me about how all of them and their friends had a running joke / theory that tee made up her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) for attention.

regarding the accusations from tee i’d like to first comment on the instagram themes, again i had done an instagram theme on my main blog but it seemed to only be an issue when it was on my writing blog that was gaining traction. if the timing was off and it seemed like i copied her, i genuinely have nothing to say except it’s not the case— it’s instagram (which tee already admits she doesn’t own above) also the hanma writing? i’m still not 100% sure which drabbles she was referring to but i can only assume that 1. is when i posted a drabble about hanma fucking you outside of his subordinates house — this was a almost completely word by word rewrite of a suna drabble i done on my old blog @/atsymu i literally just changed the concept to fit tokyo revengers themes. i can post screenshots of this suna drabble also from my google docs dated February when i deactivated. the other one may have been some basic concept about him fucking you against the window.

she also mentions in the very first recent screenshot at the beginning of this post that i have apparently stolen concepts of fics / posts from her mutuals. what i want to say regarding this is, do you believe that i would have made it this far on stolen work? i don’t know any of the mutuals she’s referring to apart from 1 which i’ll get into. but every single accusation i’ve ever received has always come from someone associated or in contact with tee, she has always been at the root of it all but i have yet to receive a single anon or ask about me copying or taking inspiration from anyone’s work.

i know there was apparently a blog and an ex mutual of mine, who i had a lot of respect & time for who was under the impression i’d stolen their concept for this gojo fic. the whole premise of this fic is honestly not uncommon considering how many times people losing control of their techniques / powers / quirks during orgasm has been done in fanfiction. this concept was completely my own, i had originally posted shitposts about him losing control of his technique & also him putting you into a mating press / breeding before i’d decided to smoosh them together into a fic. we all read from the same workbook, we all have the same material to work off of — two people in a fanbase of THOUSANDS having a similar idea is not unheard of.

now onto the masterlist banners. the screenshot on the far left are the comparison photos that tee made herself— i’m sure you’ll be able to see them in better quality when she makes her own post about it; because obviously that’s going to come. first off i will say, i will admit i took inspiration from her official art masterlist banners — i thought hers looked good and i needed a masterlist so i used official art. fair game there although i only kept them for a few days before i changed again.

but onto the grey masterlist banners, i can honestly say i did not even know tee had this masterlist, also the only comparison i myself see is the colour. the only reason i chose grey was because i had started to use a grey / white overlay on my manga panels for my layout (as you can see far right), and as you know— i’ve always kept my colour scheme pretty consistent. on that note, regarding the actual layout of the masterlists— i’ve added screenshots from atsymu (that i could find due to it being deactivated) that shows the layout of my old masterlists, which was what i took inspiration from for my current. although the title font for each heading like headcanons is different, i had used the sort of old style, basic font that everyone uses before i had deactivated so it would match my fic headers i just don’t have photos obviously.

anyway on the back of this there was then discourse over me apparently copying tee’s kinktober masterlist, which again was not the case. but again due to tee’s following i had received multiple death threats into my asks the morning after i posted mine. as far as i was aware, the only similarities were the fact we both used gifs in our headers & the layout listing thirsts, hcs & fics (which is very common during kinktober but i admitted below i could see that similarity). unfortunately during all of this discourse was when ffflowers, my hate blog also came into the mix which then lead to tee reaching out to me in dm’s from her old blog.

the interaction between me & tee was pretty good, again she was nothing but nice to me directly despite the way she obviously spoke about me in private above. but as you can see below, tee herself told me that basically most of the similarities all made above were brushed off as basic. we spoke about the ig themes & i apologised, saying i could understand where she was coming from and that was that. i unblocked her & she unblocked me so i could reblog her post, it’s been that way since.

it is not my place to comment on other people’s experiences on this app but i would need more than 2 hands to list the amount of people that i’m sure have had similar if not worse experiences with tee. i know i have had multiple mutuals who have been bullied off of this platform & had their safe space ripped from them for little things such as: liking a character that this group selfship with, tee and her friends not liking their characterisation. they’ve even went as far as to go through other larger creators notes to check for minors so they can make excuses as to why they’re thriving.

i also know of a blog who was ‘blacklisted’ from tee & her mutuals as they self shipped with arataki itto at the time, one of tee’s friends also did, so they blacklisted this creator and had all of their mutuals block them for this which then in turn drove this creator off the app. there has been other notably bitchy things that i’ve heard but i have no receipts for therefore i don’t see any relevance in starting rumours.

i would also like to say i know plagiarism is a horrible thing, we have all been through it— myself included but it’s got to the point where being accused of copying tee has become a canon event. notably, bigger platforms have been ruined and driven off of this app for little things such as mdni dividers, similar colours schemes etc. and it’s the reason i’m also leaving.

i will say i have met some amazing people through my discourse with tee, notably people who have been in similar situations and i also apologise to any mutuals who we still have in common who are now sort of stuck inbetween. no hard feelings. although to tee: id be careful of the people you trust because it seems the loyalties they have to you are not as sincere as you may believe. you can also go to her personal & read the other things she was saying about me like how she was always so ? at how many people seemed to like me.

so that’s all i have to say, i’m sure dash will get a few responses from this but i’ll be logging out & turning off asks because honestly? couldnt care less. the only thing i’d change about my experience on this app would be i wish i’d blocked tee sooner.

i’d say have a nice day, but instead, have the day you deserve.

— emmie :)

[pizzahutchan124]

I gotta work on finding my voice

All too often I fear posting anything original on here out of fear of being mediocre. But being mediocre is the only way to learn how to be extraordinary. Its a catch 22. You fling shit at a wall until one of it sticks. Really, the worst thing to happen on this site is that its out in the happy little gapping hell of an abyss that is tumblr, with little to no traction made in terms of engagement.

Is engagement on here truly the worse thing possible? Maybe. It probably depends on what circle you're in or what sort of brand you want to show to the world. I remember the last time I got into a discourse with a user on here. We fought over how valid Jaspers character (from Steven Universe) was and then he blocked me after spouting ad hominems. YEA, that lil exchange was over 7/8 years ago, yet I faintly remember the bitter bile I felt afterward. It could've been worse. Im not sure how, nor do I really feel like extrapolating those possible scenarios. There are also blogs who blow up over night, then deactivate due to being overwhelmed with the nature of being popular. The only proof that they exist remains in the posts that circulate around this site.

I don't go looking for fights whenever I log on here. My time here is meant to explore spaces and interests that I otherwise wouldn't have the means or resources to. And its interesting see the different takes people have on here. But I need to be aware of not crossing certain territories online. As nice as it can be broadening your horizons, the online world will always emulate the real world, and the real world often harbors terrifying, odious entities who thinks very little of the humanity inside you. Some are passive, others are upfront in their rancidity. Most of all of them are selfish to their core.

With that being said, I want to leave the world better then it was when I came in. Preferably that would be through transformative works or creating some sort of content, but that requires actual forethought and planning. Its hard to mesh creative pursuits with the all too real necessities of eating and paying bills, but its one that I'm trying to navigate. So far I think I'm doing a better job then most. My support system is still strong and I'm lucky enough to be in a position where I can be anything that I choose. Freelancing's been tough, but the work I've been getting has been top notch. The world is a scary place right now, but I'm confident that I'm smart enough to rise up to the challenge and blaze through it with flying colors.

Whenever I want to make a post here, I want it to be an original take and not something I parroted from another user, while keeping a tone that says "I'm in control and I'm knowledgeable about this thing right here." Yet, I end up sitting on my laurels only for the moment to pass. I don't sit with myself like I use to. I mean, I do, but not like before. Its different. Its for me, instead of the world. I don't event know what I want to show to the world in terms of Original Content. If I wanted to reflect back to the world what it truly was, I'd be a terrifying, wonderful creature with many beautiful eyes and gnarled teeth. Sadly I am only human. I'm going to have to make do with petting my Blorbos and my precious furbaby until my next paycheck comes in.

[did42069]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Holy Shit! I kept this mostly as a blog for my thoughts. Found my kink and then poof you took away the fun... So Twitter happened. Mr.Musk bought the bird and I found myself remembering that I have this blog thing that I used to frequent. News and politics have always been my deal, doesn't mean I didn't follow the sex blogs but that started out as a social thing. Since coming back I recently found out that I somehow had a filter that filtered the adult content, also found out how to deactivate that quickly. Seems the adult stuff became mostly scammers, which is sad... Ten years ago the sex blogs were the edgy stuff! And the community self governed. Early on there was a blog post about pedos, that content was up for not even a day! Devs have always been trash but with a little guidance we made a safe place for people of all shades to explore without judgement, for the most part. Also the engagement with everywhere! Now over the years I felt this was like a dying friend... Then whenever I missed a wrestling match or something similarly cool this became a quick look through. I've been through a lot, from being hospitalized half the time to getting better to trying to rebuild my life to finding out that my immune system is shit now due to chemo to my family imploding and most of the people I've helped throughout the years prior not being there for me... This blog became my escape from life the last few years but even though I'm grateful for the platform I'm still pissed at how the change has diminished this place. When I said that we self governed here's an example: many years ago there was a sex blog from a teen-age girl and she wanted attention, the sex blogs were the attention, it started out looking bad and then I and many others talked to her. Within the 2-3 years she was on here she flourished as a human being! Yes it was kinky of all flavours but she was able to talk to women on here that talked her through her firsts. We found out that she was pregnant later from force, that last year before the change, there was this domme blog but the lady was a sex psychologist in the real world... It was amazing to watch as this girl who was damaged flourished again. Her blog became a baby and me blog but she said she'd quit this place once the change actually happened. This place is a good starter for teens but it's not cool enough to be teen approved. Hopefully with the implosion of the 🐦 there's more people coming back to re-engage. But there's other apps out now some... Are just as great as Twitter was but the lag! Anyhow this blog of mine will stay up. Hopefully this place... Is interesting again

[dathen]

I cannot emphasize enough how much exclusionism harms LGBT ace and aro people.  There is no such thing as “well those aces are allowed, I’m just worried about straight infiltration” because they’re not actually doing shit to include even the aces that they give their free pass to!

I am asexual, aromantic, and agender.  While a lot of people would say that being nonbinary/agender doesn’t count as trans, but for the sake of theory let’s say it does.  By supposed exclusionist theory, one of these identities allows me to be included in queer spaces--my gender identity.  By their logic this should mean I have nothing to worry about, right?

Except I can’t check my asexual and aromantic identities at the door.  I may have three separate words to define myself, but in reality they’re so intertwined I can barely tell where one ends and where another begins.  I was best able to explore being agender when around other aromantic and asexual people, who had similar experiences as me.  I can’t put into words how beneficial this was in a very dark time in my life.

LGBT aces are not accepted by exclusionists in any real sense of the word.  We constantly see your mockery and your ace cringe compilation posts, we constantly see the “I hope ace people have a bad day--gays and lesbians only!” shitposts.  We’re told that half of our identity is embarrassing and childish and humiliating, don’t talk about it, pretend it away, only hype the attraction we do have (if any).  If you’re a trans aroace person like myself, you’re completely out of luck--it’s difficult enough for the community to remember that trans people exist and don’t also need to justify their place in the community with LGB attraction.  Hell, I remember seeing some using the term “queer trans people” to separate them out from straight and aroace trans people, to make sure the rest of us know we’re not welcome.

It erases the extremely important space to talk about the intersection of being ace and LGBT.  People shouldn’t have to talk about their sexuality while bottling up how being ace or aro affects it.  People shouldn’t be made to think that being ace or aro makes them a diluted form of queerness.  I shouldn’t have to untangle the jumble that is my identity, peel away and discard the threads of asexuality and aromanticism and how those have affected my life, and somehow try to talk about and relate to my gender as a stand-alone thing.  

This is NOT “acceptance.”  This is NOT “oh we’re just trying to keep straight people out.”  

When I first started considering I may not be straight, the first resources I found were LGBT blogs that said that asexuality was just people with so much internalized homophobia that they couldn’t accept their own attraction.  I tried forcing myself to have attraction, training myself to warm up to the idea of having sex, and just traumatized myself further.  I still don’t think I’ve recovered from this almost ten years later, and I think the extent of my sex repulsion came from these self-corrective behaviors.  While I’ve seen people who formerly identified as asexual later decide a different identity fits them better, stating this is fact for everyone who doesn’t experience attraction is unspeakably harmful.

I’ve been in this game for a long time, well before the backlash that caused aspec resources to vanish, back before “discourse” was even a commonly used word.  I used to try to play along with what everyone told me to do to be a Good Little Ace.  Avoided calling myself “queer” because only people with attraction can call themselves that, right?  So if I made a post about the struggles I had with self-worth and suicide ideation as an asexual person, in hopes to reaching other asexual people with similar struggles as me, I was still staying within the lines!  No mention of being part of any community or calling myself “queer” or “LGBT” or anything!  It didn’t prevent me from getting so much harassment I had to deactivate my blog, half of involved accusations of “you’re just pretending to be oppressed so you can infiltrate the LGBT community!” even though I hadn’t said a word about it in my posts!

I am so discouraged by young people who are already so deep in exclusionist rhetoric, and who would rather swallow up and parrot unquestioned hatred rather than think about the harm they’re doing.  If your attitude is “I’m not an aphobe, I’m just an exclusionist,” please stop and think of the actual effects of your beliefs.  Listen to the people this affects, listen to how this has affected our entire lives.  This isn’t an announcement that we’re more oppressed than you, this is a call to recognize we’re with you and that giving us space and companionship and support can be literally life-saving.  I am begging for people to listen to each other’s experiences, see and hear us as people, rather than just a jumble of letters to unfeelingly sort.  

[dashboarddiaries]

Dashboard Diaries is a production of Atypical Artists, hosted by Lauren Shippen (@thelaurenshippen) and Cher McAnelly (@overchers). Our theme was composed by Lauren Shippen and mixed by Brandon Grugle. Art by Shae McMullin. Transcription by Laudable.

For bonus clips, ad-free episodes, and more, become a patron at atypicalartists.co/support.

[intro music]

Lauren: Hello, fundraisers! I am Lauren Shippen, Professional Writer, who has successfully crowd funded and not scammed people before. 

Cher: And I’m Cher McAnelly, Head of entertainment at Tumblr, who just boiled water no less than five times before remembering to pour my tea. So, I don’t think I’d be very good at scamming.

Lauren: (laughs) And this is Dashboard Diaries, a podcast for you – the folks who are in this internet bunker with us. We talk about what’s going on in our favorite hell site, get into what we like to call “tumbl-lore,” do fandom deep dives, and share the times when we’ve gone feral over a new ship.

And if you are joining us from the future, we are still in the midst of the SAG strike, which means that we’re trying to avoid talking about struck works as much as possible. So, we’ve been skipping our week on Tumblr segment. So, we’re going to jump right into our dashboard confessionals. 

Cher, what do you have from your own personal archives this week?

[guitar riff]

Cher: So, I have a few things. I’m going to randomly select one of the things I had open and just drop it in here for you. 

Lauren: I’m excited / nervous.

Cher: It’s a fun little text post that I re-blogged on November 7th, 2015. And it’s from @rowslastrider who said, “You are the dancing queen, blood curdling scream, 47 bees.” 

Lauren: That’s so good! That captures I think Tumblr energy so perfectly somehow. 

Cher: I could not agree more. Even more so that if you look below it says “via i-suck-dick-deactivated-20160614.” 

Lauren: (laughs) That’s so perfect! 

Cher: Just, yeah. Perfect post.

Lauren: The deactivated is really what makes it art, I think.

Cher: Yeah, I completely agree. No notes, but actually over 415,000 notes. 

Lauren: I would expect no less. That is perfect.

Cher: What do you have in your dashboard confessional for us this week, Lauren?

Lauren: So, despite what I just said, I couldn’t resist and I do have something that broadly is about struck work, but I think I can talk around it and still communicate what it is. So, it is something that I re-blogged November 13th, 2014. So, nine years ago ... And it is a gif of a bunch of very quick cuts of the title card of Tumblr’s main show. This show recently celebrated its November 5th big anniversary, which is always a big holiday on Tumblr. IF you don’t know what I’m talking about I don’t know that I can help you. (laughs)

But the thing that I really love about this is that on my now sort of private blog but at the time public I re-blogged it and was sort of marveling at a couple of the title cards being like, oh, I didn’t realize that this show did this theme of episode and this theme of episode, because back in 2014 I was not watching this show and I think that there’s a lot of very funny things in here for me. First of all, the fact that nine years ago this show had so many title cards already to make a minute long looping gif that I had no knowledge of this show whatsoever but clearly was still ... but I was still re-blogging posts about it because I was on Tumblr.

And the fact that now I know everything about this show and working regularly with one of its stars! (laughs) It’s just very ... everything just sort of comes around, you know?

Cher: Full circle. I love it.

Lauren: You can’t escape the family business. You really can’t. 

Cher: You know? Maybe we’re in an episode right now, Lauren.

Lauren: We might be.

Cher: You never know. We could be. It’s possible.

Lauren: Yeah. The real truth of the universe is not that this is some sort of computer simulation but that we’re in an episode written by Eric Kripke. 

Cher: In a computer simulation. 

Lauren: Exactly. 

Cher: Whenever I see long gifs ... I don’t know if you remember that meme format or whatever from a while ago where it would flash through a bunch of things and it would ... like when you drag the gif or whatever the image you get is who you are, your vibe or whatever the answer is. 

Lauren: Totally.

Cher: Anyway, I saw this and I’m like I want to pick an episode for me based on ...

Lauren: YES. Ooh, do it! What is it going to give you?

Cher: Let’s see. All right. I’m going to do it right now. What have we got? I think ... okay. I got ... how do I even describe this to you? Can I draw up an image to you? It’s like the blue one with the orb that kind of explodes out. 

Lauren: Yes!

Cher: It looks very – yeah. That one. That’s the one I got. I was hoping for the black and white one or one of the jazzier ones. This feels like it’s been in multiple episodes. 

Lauren: Yeah. I couldn’t tell if these were ... some of these feel like, yeah, they’re definitely very episode specific. Some of them feel like they’re potentially the title cards for ... because every season the title card would change. I got the one with the black angels wings. Which feels appropriate because that is the star of the show who I know and work with. Who is always with me.

Cher: I don’t think anyone has guessed the show yet.

Lauren: Definitely not. No, very opaque. Super niche.

Cher: Suuuper niche. Naturally. 

Lauren: We’ll obviously re-blog this post to DashboardDiaries.Tumblr.com so you can figure out what your title card vibe is. 

Cher: Yes.

Lauren: And also find out what the show that we’re talking about is if you don’t know. Though, again, I was re-blogging posts about this show back in 2014 when I wasn’t watching the show. It is Tumblr’s TV show. 

Cher: Yeah, I was definitely re-blogging posts about it well before I started watching it when we started recording this show. 

Lauren: This podcast.

Cher: Yeah. 

Lauren: Exactly.

Cher: Misha was the first person that I worked with at Tumblr, the first campaign I worked on was with him. 

Lauren: That’s so wild. Oh my gosh. Everything really just ... it’s six degrees of Kevin Bacon, but six degrees of this television show.

Cher: It is so true. The amount of ... yes, exactly that. I couldn’t put it any better myself. I remember it was so long ago ... this is 2016 when we did this. I was 23 at the time. And we were doing a kind of scavenger hunt gish whiz thing at a convention. And part of it was he took over the Tumblr Snapchat at the time. And so at one point I’m like in the background of one of the snaps and he goes, “Do you see that woman over there?” And I remember being like, “I’m a woman!?” ‘Cause I was like 23 and I was like, “I don’t think anyone has ever called me a woman.” I am a girl.

Lauren: I’m a girl!

Cher: Not yet a woman. (laughs) Excuse me. (laughs)

Lauren: Gosh, that really is what it feels like a lot of the time when you’re 23. Blink-182 was right. Being 23 is hard. 

Cher: It really is. I honestly still ... that is such a core memory of him being like this woman over there ... and honestly my first thought was like, “What did you call me!?” 

(laughter)

Lauren: Assigned woman by Misha Collins. 

Cher: Sorry, you don’t understand. I’m baby. 

(laughter)

Lauren: I’m baby. 

Cher: I’m an entity, actually. I’m an overall vibe. I am ageless and timeless, but definitely was not ready to be a woman. 

Lauren: Not an adult woman. That’s so ...

Cher: Wait till my brain ... you know, the pre frontal cortex does that thing it does. 

Lauren: Yeah. And fully develops.

Cher: Then perhaps.

Lauren: That’s so funny. Oh my goodness. We’re going to stay in sort of the classic 2014 Tumblr vibes today by talking about one of Tumblr’s favorite old pastimes which is failed crowd funds.

[game show trill]

Cher, when you think of Tumblr failed crowd funds, what do you think of? What’s sort of the first thing that comes to mind / what is sort of your first encounter with this as a concept?

Cher: Honestly, I’m thinking of so many Tumblr sagas but I don’t think any crowd fund specific ones are really coming to mind. 

Lauren: Okay ... so some of this might be kind of new to you, maybe?

Cher: Yeah, I think so. Which is odd because I’m pretty sure we’ve talked about crowd funds even in the last episodes that we’ve done. But I also am ... I will say I am running out of brain cells at the moment because I landed super late last night, so honestly ...

Lauren: Oh no!

Cher: If you asked me to list the conspiracies that we talked about ... I’m sitting here like, “What did we talk about, Lauren?”

Lauren: Honestly, I am having that a little bit, too. Especially since it was daylight savings this past weekend and that always throws my brain into a blender.

Cher: Yeah, I think my brain did a factory reset or something, because ...

Lauren: Yeah, still booting up.

Cher: You’re like, “Failed crowd funds?” And I’m like, hmm, yes. I know what a crowd fund is and I also know the definition of the word “fail.” So ... we’re getting there. 

Lauren: So, we’re halfway there!

Cher: I’m rebooting. 

Lauren: (laughs) Yeah. So, there was this period of time I would say on Tumblr and this would have been before you started working at Tumblr. You may have been an intern at this time. But this was between what I think of sort of the height of Tumblr’s most Tumblr era. Right? Which is 2012-2014. The SuperWhoLock period, as we’ve called it in the past.

Cher: Yeah, and that’s exactly when I joined the platform.

Lauren: Right. 

Cher: Yeah.

Lauren: Yeah. And I’m not going to count SuperWhoLock as a struck work because it is an amalgamation of a bunch of things. It’s its own entity.

Cher: Yes!

Lauren: That is not SAG. (laughs) So, throughout this period there were several crowd funds for various Tumblr crowd sourced projects that were ultimately failures in a variety of ways. And that sort of fit into the larger discourse around this time period in Dash Con and things like this and kind of Tumblr coming together as a user base and trying to make things happen and those things kind of ultimately falling flat on their face in various ways.

So, the central one that I want to talk about is “All Or Nothing.” Are you familiar with All Or Nothing as a concept, as a text post, as a crowd fund?

Cher: I am not. 

Lauren: Fascinating.

Cher: No. 

Lauren: So, this is the one that I actually remember seeing most, like at the time. So, it began with this post from @discontentramblings that’s just a very normal classic Tumblr style text post, which is “An asexual and pansexual become roommates and have whacky adventures. The show is called All Or Nothing.” 

I feel like I see a text post like that all the time on Tumblr. You know? It’s just a fun funny concept. And then the Nightvale blog called “Everything is Nightvale” re-blogged it and said, “Plot twist, the asexual is really super outgoing and is a huge flirt while the pansexual is extremely socially awkward and has trouble ordering coffee let alone getting a date.” And then a user named @shroedingersnerd, which is I think one of my favorite usernames I’ve seen made some fan art of sort of this concept. 

Which again in general everything about this is very typical for the yes/and website. Right? 

Cher: Yeah.

Lauren: It’s just like funny premise, here’s a way to subvert it by making these two characters sort of the opposite of what the stereotypes are and then here’s a bit of fan art. I think that this is the kind of behavior that we saw around Goncharov, right? The sort of crowd sourced idea that people add to, people make fan art for, people add to the lore of, etc, etc. And this post in particular got like over half a million notes back in 2014. Was going around and was very popular. 

The trouble came when some Tumblr users decided to make an Indie Go Go for it. And they were going to make a web series called All Or Nothing that was taking this premise and they were trying to raise $600 – which I’ve been in web series ... $600 is not enough to buy a camera for a web series ... (laughs) I actually was in a web series during this time period and it cost a lot of money.

They also didn’t necessarily have a lot of additional information about what the show would be. It was just sort of this premise and nothing else. They ended up raising $5,899 from 305 backers. And nothing happened. Just like this money went somewhere ... I genuinely don’t know what happened to it. I’m not quite sure that’s something that has been actually verified. I think they eventually, years after the fact, because of course they raise the money, people were excited about this web series, nothing happened. Years went by and then eventually the person who started, or one of the people who started it was like ... “I was really young and I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m going to give everybody their money back.” But I don’t know that that ended up happening. Because apparently the money got transferred to another person on the project and that person ended up spending it.

So, just a very ... it was sort of interesting diving back into this. Like I said, I do remember this at the time, but thinking about Goncharov and thinking about the number of things that people made for the pure love of Goncharov and putting all of this work in to sort of create something all together. And something really beautiful coming out of that. And this sort of being an early version of that that was much more linear, which was like ... “We have an idea as Tumblr users and we’re going to execute it in the way that ideas get executed right now” by people/artists, independent artists, which is a web series.

Rather than being like, “Let’s all just have fun in this space and play together!” You know?

Cher: Yeah, and I love the yes/and website as just a phrase, because it’s so accurate. I also-

Lauren: Feel free ... Tumblr can have that.

Cher: Oh, I wrote it down. I love it so much.

Lauren: Perfect!

Cher: I will be crediting you, of course. And I also ... this is so funny. This happened to me in college. 

Lauren: Wait, what do you mean?

Cher: Someone I went to college with wrote a script for a short film, or maybe a little longer than short film, set up a crowd fund for it. I was cast in it. It was cast ... we recorded it. We filmed a bit of it on campus. I put I think $100 in. There was thousands of money ... jeez ... okay ... clearly on re-boot right now ... thousands of money‼ 

THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS ... were in this crowd fund and just nothing, film was never made, nothing ever happened. No one ever got their money back. We never heard about it again. This friend never mentioned it again. I have not seen this friend in many years as well, unrelated to that crowd fund story. But also, yeah. I mean, interesting ... it was right around that time, too. 

Lauren: That IS interesting.

Cher: And that friend was definitely on the platform. 

Lauren: Huh. I wonder if they were at all inspired by seeing ...

Cher: Not like inspired to do the crowd fund to make their film ... I’m sure they didn’t intend to never finish, but I think you’re totally right, they were for sure ... not for sure, but they may have been. Because that was around, this was starting up, just starting to be a thing that people did. 

Lauren: Yeah, and it’s something that happened in sort of multiple different projects. And I think for the most part I really do think that ... like with Dash Con the attempt was not to scam people out of their money. But I do think that there was a real effort here to put together a web series about these two queer roommates and the whacky adventures that they had by very enthusiastic teens who wanted to see representation in their media and just were going about it in a very kind of hand-fisted inexperienced way. 

Cher: Totally.

Lauren: Right? 

Cher: Yeah. I can for sure see that happening. You get the $5,000 and you try to make it work, you get it started, it never actually happens, you don’t know what to do. You keep thinking you’re going to eventually make it or do it. 

Lauren: Well, and I think All Or Nothing is sort of one of the most infamous, but I put in a couple of others here, including some honorable mentions. And one of the honorable mentions that I actually don’t see talked about quite as much but was another kind of failed crowd fund thing is The Finger Slip, which I don’t think got as much attention sort of on Tumblr widely. Because I actually think it was more competently put together. But which I was very aware of because I was deep in the fandom for a particular BBC television show that was an update of some Arthur Conan Doyle stories. (laughs)

Cher: Hmm.

Lauren: I wonder what that could be? We talked about the major conspiracy surrounding that particular show. The JohnLocke conspiracy in our second episode. So that show had a lot of really great fan fic. It’s actually the show that got me back into reading fan fic. I started reading fan fic in high school and then kind of fell off in late high school, early college, and then when this show started coming out in 2010 I was a big shipper and was reading a lot of fan fic and there was this one fan fic called The Finger Slip which was incredibly popular; from this modern teenager AU of this show.

And it got so popular that somebody decided to make a web series of it. And they were working with the fan fic author and stuff and they pulled together all of the money and they actually cast it, they filmed it, and it just has yet to come out. Because ultimately it was one 19 year old trying to do this whole thing. And they haven’t finished editing it. And I think after a certain point it was sort of like, “It’s been too long now. I’m just going to sort of let this lie.” 

Again, that was a very, very good faith effort thing and it just didn’t happen. Because these things look like they’re easier to execute than they actually are. A web series seems like it would be easy to put together but it’s really not. But this particular web series raised ... I just looked it up ... $17,000! 

Cher: Jay-sus. 

Lauren: Well, to be fair I do think that actually people did get paid. The actors got paid. They filmed the thing. They bought equipment. The money got used. 

Cher: Absolutely. 

Lauren: It just didn’t get finished.

Cher: It is such a ... I totally understand. When you’re a teenager and you see other people doing this and you think, “How hard can it be?” I briefly tried to be a YouTuber and by briefly I mean I posted one video. I think we talked about this. The video about applying to colleges where I say, “Is anyone else applying to colleges?” (one of the questions in my vlog) ... just in case anyone in the entire world also perhaps may be doing that. 

Lauren: ... may be applying to colleges.

Cher: Considering it. Yeah. So, yeah. I mean, editing all of that. I totally understand. Yeah, I feel like these were all absolutely good faith efforts. Or the ones we’ve been talking about. To make this happen and then you realize how challenging it is. I’m sure you get this as well, even in your day to day work. I definitely ... where people just think, “Oh yeah, it’s easy, it’s quick, how long could it take?” And you’re like ... there’s a lot that goes into even something that is quick and easy and simple and short. You know?

Lauren: Exactly. This is the story of my career, actually. I was listening to Welcome to Nightvale and I had an idea and I was like, “How hard can it be to put together a podcast?” (laughs) I know it would be hard to put together a podcast that sounds and is as good at Welcome to Nightvale but like audio seems simpler than a web series ... because I was a new web series at the time and web series are very complicated. Way more complicated than they appear to be. So, maybe I’ll make a podcast.

And you know, I did pick a simpler idea that actually was a lot easier to execute than a lot of other ideas and it ended up working out in the end. But it was a ton of work, right? And even now I sort of have ideas for projects. I mean, the podcast I have right now, Breaker Whiskey, that I’m doing is a daily podcast. I was sort of like, “How hard can this be to do?” (laughs) 

Cher: Just a few minutes. 

Lauren: Just every day. That’s fine.

Cher: Every single day. Lauren, I have a pitch for you. 

Lauren: Please.

Cher: Let’s make a web series about making a web series and call it, “How Hard Can It Be?” 

Lauren: Oh my god. I love it. Tumblr, give us some money for this! How hard can it be? 

I do think that All Or Nothing was a pretty successful one in terms of the money that it raised. Finger Slip was incredibly successful. The other one that got a decent amount of money and had sort of its moment in the sun was Miss Officer and Mister Truffles. Are you aware of this at all? Are you familiar with this?

Cher: I am not and I am like what side of Tumblr was I on? Because I was spending, during these years, ridiculous amounts of time on Tumblr. Between 2012 and 2014 I re-blogged over 30,000 things. 

Lauren: Jesus Christ.

Cher: And missed ALL OF THIS.

(laughter)

Lauren: I mean, you were on the aesthetic side of Tumblr, right?

Cher: I was. Yeah. 

Lauren: And I think that’s ... I do think that’s like a very different side. By this point ... I mean, we’ve talked about this before. We both started on the aesthetic side of Tumblr. I just got into the fandom side of Tumblr faster. And then once you were in there it was like you were in it. But I think if you weren’t in the fandom side of Tumblr, this stuff was sort of happening in some other website basically.

Cher: My new favorite metaphor that I’ve just been building on, because I love a metaphor ... is okay – Tumblr the website, that’s like a digital world, your dashboard is your city, and your blog is your house.

Lauren: I love that. Yes.

Cher: And so I was just a city over, you know? 

Lauren: Exactly.

Cher: With all the inspirational quotes on scenic backgrounds and gifs of coffee steam rising. (laughs)

Lauren: And there probably was like one major highway that went through these two cities, right?

Cher: 100%.

Lauren: Like, in terms of overlap. But you just hadn’t gotten on that highway yet.

Cher: Wasn’t quite ... yeah, I was still on Main Street, or like maybe a couple of streets over. 

Lauren: Yeah.

Cher: I hadn’t ventured out of the town yet. And then, boy, I joined Tumblr and just got on a flight and went to a whole other side of the platform’s universe!

Lauren: Yeah. I do think to carry on this metaphor, which is a great metaphor, eventually the fandom side of Tumblr just ... the urban sprawl of it got so big.

Cher: Yes. Oh my gosh.

Lauren: Go into other cities. Now I think it’s quite hard to be in any of the other cities on Tumblr and not see a random thing from the Tumblr-opolis or whatever the major city is.

Cher: Oh my gosh, it’s a melting pot. There’s some big ... yeah.

Lauren: Yes!

Cher: Oh my gosh. I love it. Yes. 

Lauren: Oh man. Well, so yeah. I don’t think you would have seen these things because they were very much in the fandom side. This particular one, Miss Officer and Mister Truffles, came from a real news story that had a photo of a short haired female officer taking a picture of a little bear cub that was standing up sort of ... this was somewhere in Canada, I believe. And people just ... again, it was the same thing. Someone posted it and was like ... somebody made fan art of them and then somebody was like, this would be an awesome animated series. 

And the inverse of All Or Nothing where All Or Nothing was like, “We’re going to make an entire web series on $600,” the Kickstarter for Miss Officer and Mister Truffles was $80,000 to make one animated pitch to pitch to TV networks.

So, they did not meet their goal. They raised $6,000, but it’s Kickstarter so I don’t believe that they ended up actually getting the money. 

Cher: Yeah, because they didn’t hit the goal. Yeah.

Lauren: Yeah. But again, I think another good faith effort of people wanting to see something that they were experiencing and all sharing it together on Tumblr actually come to life in a really significant way.

Cher: Yeah, definitely. I would have loved to see that. I still want to see that. This is all timeless. It can all still happen. 

Lauren: I mean, that’s the thing. I think that there’s a couple of interesting things. And I’m curious to hear your observations, too. There’s a couple of things in here that I think are really indicative of both Tumblr and also the particular youthful side of fandom that’s on Tumblr. And I think this particular period of time on Tumblr. Which is that there is this very yes/and nature, which I think definitely still exists on Tumblr. Right? We’ve seen that in major, major ways in recent years.

But there’s a yes/and sort of that’s a little bit more surface level than I think what we see now. Like with Goncharov, it got like fucking deep. Right? People went in on Goncharov. Whereas I think a lot of these projects, there was another one, another honorable mention which was the Ark Project, which was a pitch for an RPG video game that was going to have a lot of great queer representation and representation of people of color. And the art for it was actually really beautiful. 

But that’s all that the pitch was. Right? And it was like, wait, it’s a video game RPG – what is the story? What is the game play? Representation isn’t actually an idea. And I think that’s what I mean by surface level, right? A lot of these things ... I think Miss Officer and Mister Truffles was more of just a “this would be cute.” But I think that All Or Nothing ... even A Finger Slip to an extent was sort of like “we want to see queer stories.” We want to see stories that center people of color. And mainstream media isn’t doing that. All completely legitimate, all true. So, we’re going to do it but we’re doing it for that reason. And so there’s not necessarily actually much there when it comes to the story or the idea. Versus like Goncharov was sort of just a vibe that then got filled out into a larger idea and plot and characters.

I don’t know. Is this making sense as a thought?

Cher: No, it absolutely is. And I couldn’t agree with you more. Yeah, these are great ideas. They feel like they’re writing prompts, essentially.

Lauren: Yes! Perfect way to put it.

Cher: Each one you could have seen posted on a writing prompt Tumblr. And you could have seen a million different stories written with these one two line prompts, or log lines. And so yeah, I think they’re all great ideas and I think it just speaks to kind of a lot of these are people’s first go at something like that. The first time they see this they come up with this idea and it hits them. Okay, why not, let’s do it!?

So, I totally understand it not working out as anticipated. Especially with how labor intensive this kind of stuff is. The creative side, especially ... writing.

Lauren: Yes!

Cher: Coming up with copy with a couple lines or a little concept is hard enough, but a whole story line and then building out each character so each character is fully formed. It is a process and I think, yeah, I wouldn’t have even thought about that 10, 15 years ago if you said, “Cher, write a TV show. Take me through what are the five steps that you would need to do to write a TV show?” I’d be like, come up with an idea and write a script. You know? I don’t know.

Lauren: Yeah. Exactly.

Cher: Come up with an idea, figure out the characters, write the script. But it’s like ... yeah, okay. 

Lauren: But all of those things have a lot of smaller steps in them.

(laughter)

Well, and to your point, I think you’re absolutely right. One of the backer rewards for the $100 tier for the All Or Nothing Indie Go Go was to write a script. And it’s like, that’s not actually how you build a writing staff, right? You can’t just have somebody pay $100 to get to write an episode. That’s not ...

Cher: Each episode is so dramatically different. No cohesive story line. The characters are completely different episode to episode. (laughs)

Lauren: And again, I think the spirit of that is very pure and sweet, which is that this idea belongs to all of us, right? And so if you want to give significantly to the Indie Go Go then it becomes a chance for you to really contribute to the story because we’re all crowd sourcing the story together.

And again, I think that’s an interesting concept and I keep mentioned Goncharov but I do think that Goncharov is sort of the proof of this actually can work. You can crowd source an idea, but the point has to be the crowd sourcing. Right? The point can’t be the story, necessarily.

Cher: Exactly.

Lauren: Or the representation or its eventual success or whatever else it is. And the other thing that I was thinking of is this post ... I wish I had liked it. I may have it somewhere, so if I find it I’ll be sure to re-blog it to our Tumblr. But I saw this post the other day that I think actually really identified something that we’ve talked about before on this podcast. And just as people, too. That I think ties into this.

So, it’s like all these young people in the mid twenty / teens that really wanted to see representation on screen, which is totally legitimate and needed to happen and still needs to happen. And eventually sort of like the actual studios kind of understood that this was true and started to put in more representation into things.

But I saw this post the other day that was like, “We’ve gone from queer baiting to story baiting, where now a show advertises having a lot of great representation and then I watch it and there’s no story or characters.” (laughs) 

I think that’s true a little bit.

Cher: Oh my gosh.

Lauren: We’ve talked before about frustration. I have a lot of frustration around queer romances in a lot of things because it’s like, “Oh look, they get together and they’re happy, isn’t that great?” And it’s like, yes, that’s great, but I want the same kind of romances that I have for my straight ships where it’s like there’s angst and there’s tragedy and there’s real conflict. Rather than just like, “oh look, here’s a happy queer couple,” and it’s like we need all of it.

Cher: Yeah. Tell the same ... the goal is to tell the same stories, same variety of stories, just these characters happen to also be queer, or happen to also be people of color. It’s just like we’re telling stories, we are not telling ... ever so often it’s like, yeah, this is a story that is queer centered and queer focused of course, but yeah, it’s just like queer representation means you want the antagonist in a Marvel movie to be queer. 

Lauren: Exactly.

Cher: They’re the antagonist and they are also queer. You know? 

Lauren: Exactly.

Cher: And it’s not some whole ... what’s the word? Hullabaloo?

Lauren: Hullabaloo.

Cher: You know?

Lauren: Exactly. I think importantly, they have a story line and a character arc that is separate from their identity. 

Cher: Yes.

Lauren: Exactly. We do need the stories that are about queer identity, that are about the identity of people of color and their experience and all of that kind of stuff, about disabled identities, whatever it is – we need those stories.

Cher: Of course.

Lauren: But we also just need stuff where it’s like the point ... I do think that a lot of these crowd sourced ideas back in 2014 and a lot of representation now in television is like, “Look, isn’t it cool that we have these diverse people?” And it’s like, yeah, but they’re not fully fleshed out characters. Why do I care about them? I love the post of we’re being story baited now. We expect to have a story and instead we just get blank representation. 

Cher: Yeah, I could not agree with you more. It’s so frustrating to kind of ... you see these things ... or the way that characters are approached where their identity, whatever it is, or who they are is the center thing where it’s like if this was someone who has traditionally been represented in media, a straight White man, let’s say ... Straight White men and straight White women have gotten any variety of stories told about them – protagonist, antagonist, super ... what have you. And separate from their race or their gender or identity in any way and I think, yeah, when you think of disabled representation, so many titles like are focused on this person’s struggle or story as it pertains to their disability or ... is that the correct word to use? Disability? I want to make sure that I’m using the right vernacular there.

Lauren: That’s been my understanding of it. I feel like most sort of disability advocates and folks that I’ve read, they prefer that over like differently abled or-

Cher: Versus other- ... right okay. Just wanted to make sure I was saying the correct thing.

Lauren: I could completely be wrong. I could totally be wrong. And happy to be corrected on it.

Cher: All right. Awesome. I just wanted to make sure I was saying the right ... but yeah. I was watching a show this week and this is actually about just a woman’s story line, but I think it’s kind of like, I had a very strong reaction to what they did to her in the story. And I think it pertains really well to this. Essentially, it’s a new show that is out and the main character is ... it takes place in the ‘50s. She’s very, she’s a chemist and no one respects her, and she also ends up having a cooking show is the plot of the show. 

Lauren: Yes.

Cher: I think you may know what I’m talking about. Have you been watching it?

Lauren: I do. I watched the first episode. 

Cher: Okay, so I watched the first two episodes. Do you plan to watch any more of it? Because I don’t want to spoil anything for you.

Lauren: No. Feel free to spoil. Yeah.

Cher: Okay, and also spoilers for this show, which if you’re watching you probably know what we’re talking about. So, the plot of this, obviously, she’s dealing with a lot of challenges and not respected because she is a woman. Right? And not only is there the struggles that she is dealing with because she is not respected even though she’s the smartest woman in the room and she’s treated like shit by all the other men. They call her a secretary even though she has a masters in chemistry, et cetera.

So, she’s dealing with that. So, in addition to, yeah, the story line where she’s just dealing with the struggles of being a woman in the ‘50s and not being respected and sexism. She is also dealing with [***TRIGGER for SA] ... she also has a sexual assault story line. And on top of that, Lauren, if that’s not enough ... if she’s not already ... there’s not enough adversity going on in this poor woman’s life who is just trying to cook some food and do her chemistry ... she falls in love, right?

She plans to never get married, but she falls in love with another chemist and it’s perfect. They are the ones for each other, they decide to be life partners, they’re publishing a paper together, everything is looking up. Right? Four or five months into their relationship he is hit by a bus and dies. 

Lauren: Oh my god���

Cher: I am like, this woman can’t catch a break. Can you not like ... can we not tell the story about a strong independent intelligent woman without deeply traumatizing her as well? And I think the same with bury your gays where it’s like, okay you get a gay character but they die first or a queer character they ... you know? 

So, I feel like it is a very common thing. And it’s to the point where I keep seeing it. I thought we talked about this and we’re past this. Let someone have a complex story line without, I don’t know, taking something from them, too. Yes, she gets to be a bad ass independent woman with a cooking show and she’s respected now, but also she’s had a life of trauma and pain.

Lauren: Well, that reminds me so much of ... and I think that that show was based off of a book, right? And so it reminds me of another book that I think was very controversial for exactly the reasons you’re describing, which is A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. I don’t know if you’ve read this book.

Cher: I have not, no.

Lauren: It’s a book that I really deeply loved the experience of reading. That I sort of cried over for like several hours after I finished reading. And I could not recommend it to anybody. (laughs) Without going too far into describing the plot of A Little Life it was and is very divisive among people. I have friends who have read it and they hated it. I have friends who read it and it’s their favorite book. I sit somewhere in-between. And it was sort of a similar thing where the main character, it’s sort of about four guys ... but sort of the central character, Jude ***SPOILERS**** there are queer characters in it and I actually think that the representation of queerness in a lot of ways is really great and that the characters are really allowed to be very complex within that. But the main character, it’s just trauma after trauma after trauma after trauma after trauma. 

It feels like trauma porn. Right?

Cher: Exactly.

Lauren: That was the accusation that a lot of people threw at it. I think that’s something that a lot of people really get so much out of. And a lot of people ... it’s really cathartic, it really resonates with them. Like I said, I actually really enjoyed the experience of reading the book, it was very powerful and very beautifully written even though I have complicated feelings about sort of the story line now. But I think yeah the problem is that so often with female characters and with queer characters, that’s the entirety of our stories. 

Where it’s like just that. And it’s like, no, we also need other things as well to sort of layer in amongst all of the trauma stuff. 

Cher: Exactly. There are traumatic stories. There are funny stories. There are romantic stories. And I just think ... it does feel still like characters are being slotted in to kind of fit a quota when it’s like, no, just write a cast of characters who are a variety of people with a variety of different qualities and backgrounds.

Lauren: Totally.

Cher: It’s not ... you don’t need to ... you have your list of characters and then you’re like, oh gosh, and this one is gay. 

Lauren: Yeah, exactly.

(laughter)

Cher: Or I don’t know ... I feel like we have gotten ... we are a few steps past the show about ... the show that’s kind of a caricature of queerness or whatever it may be, but we’re not quite. It feels like we’ve stepped out but okay it’s a little better and there’s more media to consume. Ever so often you get a beautiful story, like Heart Stopper, or something that is just like ... it’s just a beautiful sweet love story. You know?

Lauren: Yeah.

Cher: But that is also written by a queer person. So, that ... which again, hey, you want queer characters that are well written? Hire queer writers. You want disabled characters that are well written? Hire disabled writers. 

Lauren: Right.

Cher: The list goes on. So, yeah, I think it’s that. If we just have a wider variety of people in that writing room, these stories aren’t going to feel forced because they’ll be coming from a lived experience instead of someone trying to assume what someone may be going through or kind of a very stereotype or cookie cutter kind of thing.

Lauren: I think Heart Stopper is a great example of a wonderful graphic novel series that also got turned into a TV show. So, for this purpose talking about the graphic novel ... but each of those characters and it’s a cast of tons of queer characters, they have really complex relationships and problems outside of their identity and their identity certainly ... they experience conflict and experience ... or not conflict, but challenges because they’re queer in various ways. But that’s not sort of the central part of their conflict. And there’s so much about friendship in there that’s really lovely.

Cher: Yeah, family ... 

Lauren: ... and complex. And family, school pressure, and all that kind of stuff. 

Cher: Yeah, it’s just a story about a group of teens, many of whom are queer. 

Lauren: Yes.

Cher: And I just think that’s really special and beautiful. I often say ... I’m so glad that teens now and young adults get Heart Stopper as they are coming into their identity. It’s definitely something I wish I had had when I was a teenager. 

Lauren: Yeah, totally. Well, this has me in my feels. So, I feel like we should move into our Feels Corner where we talk about what’s giving us feels.

[gentle music]

Cher, what has you in your feels corner right now?

Cher: What has me in my feels corner right now? I mean, other than this conversation, which I think ... I now want to go re-read Heart Stopper. Loved the most recent iteration ... (laughter) ... Honestly, what has me in my feels? I’m trying to ... OOH! The new Beatles song, Now And Then. 

Lauren: Oh, I still haven’t listened to it. What are your feelings about it?

Cher: Oh my gosh. I really ... honestly, for the fact that it is the last new Beatles song is kind of the ... it feels so perfect that this is that song. I don’t know. I can’t believe ... it’s a really beautiful song. I really liked it. And there’s a cute little mini doc as well on YouTube about it. Yeah, so I think that has me in my feels. That had me feeling real emotional. And it was really beautiful listening to it. I’ve been listening to it quite a bit. So yeah.

What about you?

Lauren: That’s so nice. I am unsurprisingly in my feels about video games. I guess, yeah, since we last chatted I have played through all of Spiderman II which was a masterpiece. It’s so, so good. I have so many feelings about Peter Parker. But kind of pertinent to this conversation I am playing Assassins Creed: Mirage right now. And the Assassin Creed games are super interesting for a bunch of reasons. And this one takes place in Baghdad and it’s a much smaller more insular story because it’s one of the first times that they’ve had a repeating character. The main character Basim is from Valhalla and this is kind of his origin story.

And one of the things I love about the Assassin Creed games is how they introduce you to these cultures that are maybe different from your own. And there’s so much great history in this game. So, just has me in my feels about sort of video games being both fun stories and also portals to these other times and places. And a good cool way to learn stuff. 

Cher: So funny you say that and also I agree with you and need to play more video games. Still not through the prologue of The Last of Us. After I overnighted a PS4 to myself because I had to play it ... but I saw I think a heritage Tumblr post the other day about how someone was in ... I think it was Florence with their family and they couldn’t find ... their tour group was lost. And they led their ... okay, no, you know what? This is ... I am now realizing this is an Ask Reddit thread that my brain melded into a Tumblr post, but it’s probably a Tumblr post, too.

Lauren: Amazing.

Cher: I saw a thread that was like, “Have you ever been able to find your way around somewhere that you’ve never been because of a video game?” And there were so many responses. I think the one about Florence was about Assassins Creed being like, “I knew. I got our group to where we needed to go because I’d seen, played through the game so much.” I think that’s so funny. And my question for you is have you ever had an experience like that?

Lauren: So, yeah. That is really funny. Two small ones, I guess. Because the Assassins Creed games I’ve played are Mirage, Origins, Odyssey, and Valhalla. Mirage, Origins, and Odyssey all take place so long ago-

Cher: They wouldn’t be the same ...

Lauren: Yeah. I’ve been to Greece and Mikonos but Mikonos in 500 BC is very different than Mikonos now. 

Cher: There’s a couple more buildings, I’ve heard. Yeah ...

Lauren: Exactly. Valhalla takes place in England and there’s a lot of English countryside in it obviously, even though it’s 800 ... there are some places in Valhalla where “I’ve been to that particular ruin before.” You know? And then when I went to New Orleans, when I sort of walked downtown in New Orleans I was like, oh my god, I am in Saint Denis from Red Dead Redemption II. (laughs) Because they based Saint Denis off of New Orleans and I’d played that game so much by that point but I’d never been to New Orleans before. I was like, I’m inside the video game!

Cher: Oh my gosh. I love that. It makes me want to play video games more, just to ... I should find a video game that takes place in the next city you’re visiting and play through it and then ...

Lauren: Also, I’m so ... god, I’m so stupid! The main one is Spiderman, the Spiderman franchise. As I was playing through Spiderman II my partner who used to live in New York and I’m from New York was like, oh, can you find my old office? And we went looking for his old apartment in Queens because Queens is now a part of the game. And his street wasn’t there. It’s a much more truncated version. And I went to go and try to find my dad’s office in lower Manhattan and sometimes you can find things that are pretty similar but obviously it’s Marvel’s New York, so it’s different.

Cher: Oh my god. That’s great.

Lauren: I love doing that.

Cher: So, what did you find? Did you find something similar to your dad’s office?

Lauren: I mean, I found buildings very similar, but if you go on Reddit and stuff you can find people who find really specific weird things in the Marvel New York. It’s really lovingly rendered and really detailed. 

Cher: Oh, I love that.

Lauren: It’s just fantastic. 

Cher: That’s so cool. New York is the best. I mean, there are many things that are also the best, I don’t want to ... immediately backtracking ...

Lauren: I mean, you should play Spiderman because A) it’s not a scary video game and B) it’s your home city.

Cher: Gosh, I will. 

Lauren: Or, your current city.

Cher: I’ll swing around the city. Yeah. That sounds honestly great. 

Lauren: Exactly.

Cher: But I do need to use my PS4. I sit there and I stare at it and I’m like, come on, you bought this thing. Play your games. Other than SIMS. I do love SIMS. 

Lauren: I mean, SIMS is great.

Cher: It never gets old.

Lauren: And with that ... I’m Lauren Shippen, and you can find me at TheLaurenShippen.Tumblr.com.

Cher: And I’m Cher McAnelly and you can find me at OverChers.Tumblr.com. 

This has been Dashboard Diaries. And ... 

[outtro music]

Lauren: May your anons always be loving.

Cher: Your dash always refreshed.

Lauren: Your gifs always be loading.

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This week, we discuss the infamous failed crowdfunds of Tumblr, like All or Nothing. Plus, being assigned woman by Misha, choosing your Supernatural title card, and having feelings about cities in video games.

Credits and transcript in our reblog. You can find transcripts for this, and every other episode, here.

Find the posts discussed in this episode in this tag!

[mooshua]

hi uh it’s mooshua (aurora, moosh, whatever you want to call me). I’m so sorry about my sudden leave and everything and worrying some of you. that was really uncool of me to do and I really am so regretful for that. honestly I’m kinda embarrassed right now. explaining myself is rather difficult because, I won’t lie, I’ve been having feelings of inadequacy towards both myself and the works I put out. lol so I’m kind of having a hard time articulating my emotions because my mind is all over the place and I’m literally sweating as I type this out.

long story short: I got burnt out, started hating my writing with all my being, accumulated some Not So Nice messages, and then just did not want to be perceived anymore.

the long story: like I said above, I’ve been having Conflicting Feelings with regards to what I have been writing. anytime I read what I wrote I would just feel my gut twist and turn like I was going to throw up because I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. nothing about it was... up to my standard? nothing flowed right, I could point out a billion mistakes, and I wasn’t laughing like I used to. and it wasn’t just feeling embarrassed, it was like whenever I wrote something I would Not Be Having Fun With It because I kept thinking “deadline deadline deadline you need to finish this by the end of this week it’s only 5k words are you saying you can’t come up with a measly chapter in a week you used to be able to write 15 chapters in a month you dog” and I would just force myself to sit in front of my computer for hours and when I finally finished I wasn’t really happy with the final product I would just think “god I need a smoke break” even though I’ve never smoked in my life. and then I’d also get “please update!” messages/comments in the dry periods and, don’t get me wrong I really appreciate that people are reading my stuff, but I’d feel more and more stressed because then I’d automatically think “Oh My God People Are Waiting And I’m Letting Them Down.”

so with all these bad feelings welling up inside me I thought “I need a break.” and that’s what I did. I took like a 3 week break in september/october (I honestly don’t remember because the days have been bleeding together) in hopes that I just needed to rest to get my brain started again! after those 3 weeks I then did the usual routine of writing and updating, but again Things Just Didn’t Feel Right because it felt like I was diving back into that stress inducing spiral of the dreaded Weekly Updates.

I mean, I would get so hung over this stuff because in the back of my mind during my free time I’d be thinking “I could be writing and finishing up both series right now” and you know what? I’d do that. well, I tried at least. I’d force myself to sit and type whenever I had ANY free time because I already had everything planned, I just needed to put words to a page. well, doing that for nights on end was just mentally exhausting me to New Levels. everything I was doing was not sustainable at all.

AND THEN THINGS SLOWLY GOT WORSE because I would have zero confidence in my writing and every week or so I’d get a message in my inbox saying something along the lines of (or rather word for word) “your writing isn’t that good/special/anything new I don’t understand why people are reading it/why you get so many notes/you’re not as funny as you think you are” and at first I would kind of laugh at it and go “oh trust me buddy, I’m wondering the same thing too” and then delete it because I do Not Wish to entertain the thought on my blog, but then I was hitting a new all time low in my mentality and I got another message on the day I deactivated which was a Really Bad Day and it read “your writing isn’t good” and I went back to the chapter I was editing for the day, felt my gut do that twist and I thought “you know what? you’re right. it’s not. goodbye.” pressed the forbidden red button and honestly felt a weight lift off my shoulders because that meant I no longer had to deal with that stupid cycle of constantly updating in order to Feel Something.

I kept thinking “why is this not as fun as it used to be, why am I so stressed out all the time opening that stupid doc and going on my blog?” like I would literally sit down and think about this as if it was a math problem or something. my inadequacies kept rising within me but I would just bottle it up, go to writing and trying to answer messages like nothing was wrong because I really didn’t want to worry anyone or think I was a charity case who needed help, but now that I think about it I really should have talked this out instead keeping my mouth shut. I just thought this was something everyone goes through so I was like whatever it’ll pass. I kept thinking “this shouldn’t be as deep as I’m making it” and brush it aside, but then I kept thinking negatively about my ability to write and literally DREADED sitting down in front of my laptop that I would have to hype myself up in order to get a sentence in. I think the last time I actually felt really proud of something I had written was during the summer...... and then after that it was just downhill.

and listen. I know this is just a Fun endeavor and I really shouldn’t care about what other people think as long as it makes me happy, but along the way I stopped being happy because I started caring Way Too much and putting unrealistic expectations on myself. it’s weird. I know at my Big Age I should have a better mentality, but it’s been eating at me for a while and I just wanted to pull the plug.

okay now the part that a lot of people are wondering: are you going to finish your series? I plan to. I really want to. I think it’d be a waste not to. I’m still feeling pretty conflicted right now with my writing, but I already mapped everything out, and I don’t like to break promises since I already said I was going to do this thing. thanks to anyone who read my works and I’m sorry to have worried you. I just needed to take a step back and think about what’s good for myself.

yeah. so that’s my explanation. this whole thing is so long and for that I’m sorry. if you went through this then pat on the back for you. I don’t know when I’ll come back or how long it will take. I just want time for myself and to not think about anything with regards to writing. like at all. also I only have 1 request: for anyone who downloaded the series from ao3, please do not repost or reupload or redistribute them. please I’m literally begging. I deleted them for a reason and I really don’t like the idea of these stories floating around without my consent. when I do get back into it I’d like to make edits to what I have written. idk if any of my mutuals still want to talk to me after this but feel free to lmk lmfao sorry I know that I sound like I’m off the deep end but I really just need to cool it before I start diving back into a Healthy Relationship With My Writing Hobby lol. why am I so dramatic... SORRY. anyway. I hope you guys are staying happy and healthy during this time. don’t forget that.