#I just need to find the motivation and courage to art again

[pallanophblargh]

I’m sorry you feel like your brain is soup, but for what it’s worth I’ve been following you since I was like 14 on deviantart and the stuff you have created has always been a major inspiration for me; i love animals and fantasy and your ability to capture realistic proportions and anatomy while creating this beautiful movement in your artwork has always blown me away, it’s so full of life and beauty. I just wanted to tell you 🤷 you really inspired this random Australian kid and I hope you can find joy and rest and kindness for yourself k bye

Aaaaaa this is so wholesome! I haven't been enduring as much of my usual mental health struggle since I've started meds/therapy, but my creativity/productivity has regrettably taken a hit as a possible result? So even if I'm on indefinite hiatus, it's nice to know I've had a positive impact on at least one person somewhere down the line. Someday I'll get back into healthy habits and express through art more reliably again (I mean art has been my escape portal for most of my life)! Just gotta bust off the rust and focus/practice again, even if I'm anxious about all the work that requires. Anyway, I'm rambling: thank you so much!

[kalolasfantasyworld]

Chapters 372 & 373 opinions and analysis

Hello everyone! I'm late to the party, but I promised and simply had to give my opinion on these Silvas chapters in addition to live comments which you can find here.

I'm blaming these on my coloring and an art related to this chapter.

Let me start with saying that these chapters were all I ever wanted and more from Black Clover.

If you follow me you realise that I focus on the Silva family a lot. I actually got into this fandom, because I started writing my fic Paper Hearts, which besides being a steamy and dramatic romance is a story of the Silvas redemption and focuses on Nozel, Nebra and Solid.

I wanted to dive deeper into their characters and show them as more than just assholes, give them some depth and this is exactly what Tabata did in these two chapters.

I'm proudly admitting that my headcanons for Nebra and Solid's reasons for hating Noelle were correct 😁

And on to specific opinions 😉 I'll go per character and at the end summarise them as a four

Noelle

Simply seeing Noelle put up an amazing fight against Acier made me so happy.

"I'm not weak anymore."

Noelle had said long ago and she is correct. Our girl grew, literally spread her wings, broken her cage, threw out the keys I'm citing Song Queen of Kings by Alessandra which I associate with Noelle a lot.

She had shown us her growth and here a bit of inspiration from Asta with the not giving up trope.

Later we can see Noelle continue to care for her siblings during the fight.

The apology scene and Noelle's reaction I will go over below Nebra and Solid's.

Solid and Nebra

We see their povs which I love, finally getting to know what's going on in their heads.

Here we see fear

A painful realisation

The truth

Finally giving them the courage to join in, to help Noelle.

I'm proud of them. I'm so proud of them.

I knew they had it in them and I'm so happy I was right. Just seeing these panels made me want to cry happy tears.

More then that they want a FRESH START. To rebuild their family. Took you guys long enough (in PH this happens faster 😂) but you're finally here.

🥹🥹🥹

Solid and Nebra support Noelle with her powerful magic which is hard to control, something they would make bully her for earlier.

I think Tabata is showing us an amazing contrast, as a show of growth.

Nebra

These two panels finally give us her motivation for mistreating Noelle. Jealousy.

Once again I'm patting myself on the shoulder for having this headcanon.

I'm proud of her to finally admitting that, not only to Noelle but to herself.

Solid

Solid once again jealousy, low confidence.

But he admitted it, admitted his weakness.

Nebra and Solid

They apologised, finally.

Beautiful panel, of which I've seen many beautiful colorings and I might make my own version.

We're not in the Noelle tab, but I wanted to speak about her answer here.

She's not saying "oh it's nothing," neither "yes I forgive you for everything," or "I hate you!"

Noelle simply accepts the fact. They apologised.

This shows so much of her maturity, the peace she made with her situation, life and growth. Noelle is somebody to look up to.

Nozel

Once Nozel was healed by our lovely Pablo and the best girl Kahono he managed to get back and join his siblings. One stubborn bird he is.

This panel I want to focus on, because Nozel is finally GUIDING NOELLE. I wondered many times what would have happened if instead of pushing her away, guided by his guilt and emotional shackles he had guided her. During the fight with Megicula Nozel realised that they needed to grow stronger together. Now he is finally showing it.

Nozel learnt trust.

but also so much more by changing from his sophisticated ever changing style to pure defence, fighting hand in hand, which we had never seen him do before.

Also this quote right here is a perfect reference to when Acier asked Nozel to protect his siblings with her magic. Nozel remembers and uses his mother's words against her.

That's why later we're getting that epic panel with him saying "Isn't it right mother?"

I decided to speak a bit about his armor design and the spell itself.

We're keeping in the Silver spells trope that Nozel has, which I love. We also already saw Nozel "strengthen" his body with mercury during the fight with Kivin, so there were some hints and excited people about Nozel possibly getting an armor as well. This is certainly a hot version, even though he looks a bit like the Silver Surfer (check out this amazing and slightly hilarious art).

Nozel's armor hurts him.

I always head canoned that even though he had some immunity to his magic and with his amazing control he would protect himself, it still very much affected him, brought him pain.

I can talk a bit more about Mercury magic and it's symbolism but this might be for another post if you'd be interested. A short version I'd like to say how it's POISON, symbolising the mental poisoning of Nozel which has been happening since Acier's death.

Here it hurts him, but in a way as he says it will allow him to atone, which will help him rebuild. Clearing mental poison with physical poison.

Nozel had amazing character development and I can proudly say that he is my favorite Black Clover character, with his depth, complexity, resting bird face 😂 and all of the quirks which make him great.

Acier

Acier was strong and I'm glad they showed her this way. We got to see her amazing spells and how if she was to be fought one by one they would probably loose. Acier was one of the strongest and now amped with her paladin powers she needed to be great.

The fact that she got the water attribute didn't impress me, maybe it was to show how she's now like all of her children. At least to me it did not hit hard.

I loved how despite being changed, she continued to talk to her children, point things out. Remember this is not real Acier, more like a shadow of her but I'm glad she was still showing these sides, because Solid and Nebra could say their goodbyes as well.

This panel was everything.

Acier should be satisfied, hey that part of her which is still their loving mother is probably very happy that she used the "common enemy" trope to get them together. Jokes aside she is a great mother, who could see her children surpass her and be proud of them.

Her last words were EVERYTHING.

The siblings know they made their mother proud. They can put behind them the insecurities, everything which has been weighing the family down.

Acier's first death destroyed the family as she left the great legacy, to which none of them felt good enough to live up to.

Acier's second "death" brought her children together.

The Silva siblings

I brought these ending panels together to show you how similar they are. Notice how the siblings are standing at specific spots.

They were finally brought together.

"But you've finally become a family, haven't you?"

Yes and this is the takeaway from these chapters.

Each one of them grew, showed what they were made off and made a step to rebuild, to be a family. I'm proud of them.

Tabata-sensei I'm extremely grateful that you gave my most precious characters the ending they deserved, that you came up with their story and their development. It took time, but it was so worth the wait and I'm glad it was not rushed.

To sum up, these two were my favorite Black Clover chapters and I will reread them many times.

And my coloring at the end I hope you enjoy 💕 The new Dawn for the Silva family.

[serial-serializednovelreader]

Nova’s Notes - Dracula Daily - June 25

Where Jonathan springs into action!

“No man knows till he has suffered from the night how sweet and how dear to his heart and eye the morning can be. When the sun grew so high this morning that it struck the top of the great gateway opposite my window, the high spot which it touched seemed to me as if the dove from the ark had lighted there. My fear fell from me as if it had been a vaporous garment which dissolved in the warmth.”

His poetic side is just…*chef’s kiss*. It’s interesting also how he uses religious imagery here with the dove from Noah’s ark in the Bible. I want to dive a bit deeper into this because I think it holds meaning.

For those who may not know, the story goes that God flooded the earth and Noah and his family (plus two of every animal) were the sole survivors because he built an ark as he was instructed to. Well, after many *many* days of this flood, Noah sent a dove from the ark out. If it came back empty-beaked, they would know the flood was still on, but if it came back with something (which it did — an olive leaf), they would know the flood was ended and it would soon be time for them to be on dry land once again.

I think Jonathan comparing the sun to this dove in particular tells me that he sees it as a messenger, both of peace to him (because doves are often used as symbols of peace and his fear falls away) and that he needs to stop being passive. If he imagines that this time as a prisoner has been spent like he’s in the ark during the flood, that time has now come to an end: now it is time for him to step out onto the “land” which is almost quite literal here. He confirms this by saying:

“I must take action of some sort whilst the courage of the day is upon me. Last night one of my post-dated letters went to post, the first of that fatal series which is to blot out the very traces of my existence from the earth.”

“Let me not think of it. Action!”

He knows his time is limited and — wisely — treats it as such. As many have pointed out, Dracula has made a mistake by giving Jonathan a time limit. As he himself has said, he knows the span of his life and that is one heck of a motivator. Not to mention, he just experienced two horrific events last night (even if he didn’t see them exactly, he knows they happened and that’s enough) and it is justifiable cause to get him moving. Some people would sink into despair and wait for death to approach them, but for Jonathan, it has the opposite effect.

He figures that the Count must need some time to rest and if it’s not at night (which is always the time he’s harassed), it must be daytime, right? And the best way to find him would be to infiltrate his room — if only it weren’t locked.

But then Jonathan gets an idea. An awful idea. A wonderful, *awful* idea!

Sorry, y’all! Had to make the Grinch reference. Anyway, yes, Jonathan decides that if Dracula can crawl up walls in a lizardly fashion, so can he. Desperate times call for desperate measures. If he doesn’t make it back well…

“Good-bye, Mina, if I fail; good-bye, my faithful friend and second father; good-bye, all, and last of all Mina!”

First of all, this is so sad and so sweet that he says bye to Mina first and last (again, that first and last thing to show you care is becoming a running theme here) and calling Mr. Hawkins a second father is also very sweet.

Secondly, if you also thought of the “you said bye Squidward twice” meme like I did when you saw this (I promise I’m trying to be serious), there’s fanart for that! Check out this lovely art by @count-skribula!!

“I went whilst my courage was fresh straight to the window on the south side, and at once got outside on the narrow ledge of stone which runs around the building on this side.”

So it’s interesting that he chooses to not go from the window on his room, but instead to go from the South window. One reason may be that, as he says in the next sentence, the stones are bigger here and can probably hold him better, but I don’t think that’s the only reason.

I went back to the first Lizard Fashion entry to figure out a bit more about why that may be. Here’s what I found:

“The window at which I stood was tall and deep, stone-mullioned, and though weatherworn, was still complete; but it was evidently many a day since the case had been there.”

So this is referencing the South window and it sounds like this window is much easier to fit a human being through than, say, the one in his room. Going back to this entry was also useful because it references where the Count’s room is in relation to this window:

“As I leaned from the window my eye was caught by something moving a storey below me, and somewhat to my left, where I imagined, from the order of the rooms, that the windows of the Count's own room would look out.”

So while this window is more ideal for his ease of movement, it will be more difficult for Jonathan to reach the room itself.

“I took off my boots, and ventured out on the desperate way. I looked down once, so as to make sure that a sudden glimpse of the awful depth would not overcome me, but after that kept my eyes away from it. I knew pretty well the direction and distance of the Count's window, and made for it as well as I could, having regard to the opportunities available.”

He even gets the Lizard Fashion down to taking off his BOOTS and going barefoot. Also, have I mentioned I love Jonathan and his smartness today? Because I do!!! Him looking down once so it doesn’t catch him off guard later is so….UGH. I don’t go into fangirl mode often, but for him? Always. What a guy, so smart. I don’t know why that detail gets me but it does!! Love that man.

ANYWAY, you can tell he’s been watching the Count very often — probably every night — if he knows exactly where the window is. So another cool detail right there.

I love how he describes himself as excited initially until he reaches the window, at which point he feels agitated, whether it’s from trying to open the windowsill or just from his proximity to the Count.

After diving (feet-first) into the window, he discovers that there’s no Count! The room, in fact, is practically empty. He is able to make some astute observations about it, however:

1) It looks like most of the other South rooms he’s seen.

2) It’s dusty — obviously in disuse.

3) the Gold CornerTM — filled with gold from different countries (that he’s able to name!). It’s also dusty as if it’s been in the ground, but less than three centuries old. The jewels and chains that lay there are old and stained. It’s interesting that he takes the time to note this. It must’ve taken a while to go through the coins and note their age and where they’re from!

While he can’t open the outer door and there’s no key to speak of, he does notice a heavier door that’s open. It leads to a big spiral stairway…this is usually the part where I’d say “turn around and go back!!!” But Jonathan has proven himself quite capable for a horror protagonist thus far and he’s already taken so much effort to get to this point, why not?

At the bottom of the tunnel, he finds a door which leads to an old and broken chapel which smells of “old earth newly turned” — a horrible smell, apparently. Inside, he finds the ground has indeed been dug up, with the dirt now in boxes, the same boxes the same he saw from the Slovaks’ wagon. There are also three vaults to go into. Ever the sleuth, he carefully combs over every inch of the chapel. Going into two of the vaults yields nothing but the heebie-jeebies (with coffins and more dirt), but the third…

“There, in one of the great boxes, of which there were fifty in all, on a pile of newly dug earth, lay the Count! He was either dead or asleep, I could not say which—for the eyes were open and stony, but without the glassiness of death—and the cheeks had the warmth of life through all their pallor; the lips were as red as ever.”

Yep, Dracula jumpscare! He’s in a dirt bed (has anyone made a teenage dirtbag edit for him yet? Can we make that a thing?) and sleeps with his eyes open. *shudders*

It’s interesting that Jonathan notes while he seems dead — he even searches him for signs of life by bending over to look at his breathing — he notes that he can’t have been dead long and seems to retain some signs of life. And, most disturbingly, when he goes to search him for keys (one of his original missions here) his eyes have taken on an expression of hate. Either he has RBF (literally) or he’s not as lifeless/asleep as first thought.

“I fled from the place, and leaving the Count's room by the window, crawled again up the castle wall. Regaining my room, I threw myself panting upon the bed and tried to think....”

Now, I know you may be thinking “Jonathan, WHAT??? You went all that way just to do nothing and run back??” And yeah, I get it. But he actually did find out some good information here, both about this castle and himself:

Where Dracula sleeps

Dracula *does* rest during the day (although how is uncertain)

Dracula has currency from around the world (less than 300 years old and likely kept buried — why?)

What the Slovaks are doing

There are hidden passages in this castle (possibly more?)

Jonathan can go into Lizard Fashion ModeTM and even in a rush, too!

Keys may be a lost cause here (try something else to escape)

I would consider this productive, because above all, some of the scariest part of this whole experience for him has been his inability to gain information. Hearing the Slovaks do their work, seeing Dracula come and go, being simply locked in his room has been grueling on him. At least being able to gain some kind of information is extremely valuable and the fact that he’s setting his mind straight to thinking tells me this was not an idle trip.

Also, as a fun note: another user (here’s the post) pointed out there are airholes in the cover of Dracula’s dirt box and…yes there are LOL. Like he’s a little bug 😂😂😂 I have no special reason to point this out, I just really like that this is a thing.

Keep going, Jonathan — you got this!!

[thepacifistrouter]

Portal Zelda AU

Hello everyone!! So, the other day a friend from the Chelley Discord server mentioned this idea @violetstar-arts, I loved it very much and, after a bit of cooking, I made some art based in it with bits of lore here and there and I just wanted to share it here.

Context!!

Okay, in this AU GLaDOS, Chell and Wheatley are the Triforce Holders, the three of them being veeery unexpected Triforce Holders (if you know the games, you know why, but I'll explain it anyway)

First, GLaDOS, the Triforce of Power Holder, an extremely inteligent and strong Gerudo.

Descendant of Cave Johnson Gerudo equivalent, former leader of the Gerudo tribe and who was believed to be the next Ganondorf and holder of the Triforce of Power, but things (that I haven't decided yet) happened and he died, probably murdered, so she took his place. GLaDOS always thought that she could do a better job than him in the sense of being a Triforce holder as far as her tribe leader, being both lovers of technology and science, inspired (or maybe even envying) what the Sheikah could do, they decided to make their own technology for the Gerudo, who they considered deserved and could do more. With her superiority complex and excellent ability, not only in combat but in creating weapons and tools. Unexpectedly for others, she was right and turned out to beshe the perfect bearer of the Triforce of Power in the current times. I need to build a couple of things, like the motivation to make her the main enemy of the first part of the story, her goals, her and her people's relationship with Hyrule, etc. I can only tell you that technology would be strongly related.

Second, Chell, the Triforce of Courage Holder.

A hylian villager who leaves with the village's blacksmith (not quite sure of her job in the village, maybe farmer, maybe lumberjack, maybe blacksmith aprentice) who is really close to her, takes care of her and taught her to fight and haunt. She is well known in the village for being really brave and determinated.

Even though no one believed that she was the new bearer of the Triforce of Courage, since everyone was expecting a Link (a pretty or cute blond who doesn't talk much), everyone thought that she could be it perfectly, so when those close to her found out, it was a big cause for joy. She is a big justice believer, determined to do the best she can for others, specially those she cares and for the Kingdom no matter what she has to go through or how many times she has to get up again. It is something that she would have done with or without the use of the Triforce, so she is the ideal bearer, even if it is unexpected.

Third, Whealey, the Triforce of Wisom Holder and Prince of Hyrule.

Probably the most unexpected one, absolutely nobody expected from him to be the Triforce of Wisdom Holder, little less to be the current Hylia's incarnation! but, since there were no more childs in the royal family, no mather how much his parents tried, the castle's inhabitants, at least those who knew about the matter, began to consider that perhaps no princess would arrive and that he was the one they were looking for, which did not make them too happy since Wheatley was someone talkative, impulsive, clumsy, insecure, emotional and childish, pretty far from what could be expected from a Triforce of Wisdom Holder or Hylia's Incarnation.

But as the truth became undeniable, Wheatley went from receiving little attention from everyone around him because they thought he was annoying and because the priority was other, to receiving too much attention, but in a bad way since they still thought he was annoying, he started to be overloaded with duties and learning.

In the middle of this, he is cursed under mysterious circumstances, becoming a floating orb. Worried, they consult a wise man for help and advice, Wheatley must find the hero chosen by Hylia and help him defeat the evil that was looming in the Kingdom, only then could he activate and find the power necessary to break his curse. He was the one able to find the new Triforce of Courage Holder, becoming her cute little assistant (the kinda that normally accompain Link) the first half of the story, being a secret his actual identity. She was the first person to ever actually believe in him and trust him.

For now this is all, but I'll post more soon I'm also hopping to be able to read what Violet herself have for her own AU once she has her writting done. She is very creative and cool and spiring :3

See ​​you all later!

[richincolor]

9 QTPoC books for your 2023 Pride Month TBR

Happy Pride Month! Every year, I do a little round-up of YA books starring LGBTQ and BIPOC characters that have come out so far this year. This year was particularly exciting -- there were so many books that I loved or have at the very top of my TBR! So, without further ado, here's 9 of them for your TBR!

The Wicked Bargain by Gabe Cole Novoa El Diablo is in the details in this Latinx pirate fantasy starring a transmasculine nonbinary teen with a mission of revenge, redemption, and revolution.

On Mar León-de la Rosa's 16th birthday, el Diablo comes calling. Mar is a transmasculine nonbinary teen pirate hiding a magical ability to manipulate fire and ice. But their magic isn't enough to reverse a wicked bargain made by their father and now el Diablo has come to collect his payment: the soul of Mar's father and the entire crew of their ship. When Mar is miraculously rescued by the sole remaining pirate crew in the Caribbean, el Diablo returns to give them a choice: give up your soul to save your father by the Harvest Moon or never see him again. The task is impossible--Mar refuses to make a bargain and there's no way their magic is any match for el Diablo. Then, Mar finds the most unlikely allies: Bas, an infuriatingly arrogant and handsome pirate -- and the captain's son; and Dami, a genderfluid demonio whose motives are never quite clear. For the first time in their life, Mar may have the courage to use their magic. It could be their only redemption -- or it could mean certain death.

Fake Dates and Mooncakes by Sher Lee Heartstopper meets Crazy Rich Asians in this heartfelt, joyful paperback original rom-com that follows an aspiring chef who discovers the recipe for love is more complicated than it seems when he starts fake-dating a handsome new customer.

Dylan Tang wants to win a Mid-Autumn Festival mooncake-making competition for teen chefs—in memory of his mom, and to bring much-needed publicity to his aunt’s struggling Chinese takeout in Brooklyn.

Enter Theo Somers: charming, wealthy, with a smile that makes Dylan’s stomach do backflips. AKA a distraction. Their worlds are sun-and-moon apart, but Theo keeps showing up. He even convinces Dylan to be his fake date at a family wedding in the Hamptons. In Theo’s glittering world of pomp, privilege, and crazy rich drama, their romance is supposed to be just pretend... but Dylan finds himself falling for Theo. For real. Then Theo’s relatives reveal their true colors—but with the mooncake contest looming, Dylan can’t risk being sidetracked by rich-people problems.Can Dylan save his family’s business and follow his heart—or will he fail to do both?

Ander & Santi Were Here by Jonny Garza Villa Aristotle and Dante meets The Hate U Give meets The Sun Is Also A Star: A stunning YA contemporary love story about a Mexican-American teen who falls in love with an undocumented Mexican boy.

Finding home. Falling in love. Fighting to belong. The Santos Vista neighborhood of San Antonio, Texas, is all Ander Martínez has ever known. The smell of pan dulce. The mixture of Spanish and English filling the streets. And, especially their job at their family's taquería. It's the place that has inspired Ander as a muralist, and, as they get ready to leave for art school, it's all of these things that give them hesitancy. That give them the thought, are they ready to leave it all behind?

To keep Ander from becoming complacent during their gap year, their family "fires" them so they can transition from restaurant life to focusing on their murals and prepare for college. That is, until they meet Santiago López Alvarado, the hot new waiter. Falling for each other becomes as natural as breathing. Through Santi's eyes, Ander starts to understand who they are and want to be as an artist, and Ander becomes Santi's first steps toward making Santos Vista and the United States feel like home. Until ICE agents come for Santi, and Ander realizes how fragile that sense of home is. How love can only hold on so long when the whole world is against them. And when, eventually, the world starts to win.

She Is a Haunting by Trang Thanh Tran A house with a terrifying appetite haunts a broken family in this atmospheric horror, perfect for fans of Mexican Gothic.

When Jade Nguyen arrives in Vietnam for a visit with her estranged father, she has one goal: survive five weeks pretending to be a happy family in the French colonial house Ba is restoring. She’s always lied to fit in, so if she’s straight enough, Vietnamese enough, American enough, she can get out with the college money he promised. But the house has other plans. Night after night, Jade wakes up paralyzed. The walls exude a thrumming sound, while bugs leave their legs and feelers in places they don’t belong. She finds curious traces of her ancestors in the gardens they once tended. And at night Jade can’t ignore the ghost of the beautiful bride who leaves her cryptic warnings: Don’t eat.

Neither Ba nor her sweet sister Lily believe that there is anything strange happening. With help from a delinquent girl, Jade will prove this house—the home her family has always wanted—will not rest until it destroys them. Maybe, this time, she can keep her family together. As she roots out the house’s rot, she must also face the truth of who she is and who she must become to save them all.

Venom & Vow by Anna-Marie McLemore, Elliott McLemore Keep your enemy closer.

Cade McKenna is a transgender prince who’s doubling for his brother. Valencia Palafox is a young dama attending the future queen of Eliana. Gael Palma is the infamous boy assassin Cade has vowed to protect. Patrick McKenna is the reluctant heir to a kingdom, and the prince Gael has vowed to destroy. Cade doesn’t know that Gael and Valencia are the same person. Valencia doesn’t know that every time she thinks she’s fighting Patrick, she’s fighting Cade. And when Cade and Valencia blame each other for a devastating enchantment that takes both their families, neither of them realizes that they have far more dangerous enemies.

Cowritten by married writing team Anna-Marie and Elliott McLemore, this is a lush and powerful YA novel about owning your power and becoming who you really are - no matter the cost.

You Don't Have a Shot by Racquel Marie A queer YA romance about rival soccer players from author Racquel Marie, perfect for fans of She Drives Me Crazy .

Valentina “Vale” Castillo-Green’s life revolves around soccer. Her friends, her future, and her father’s intense expectations are all wrapped up in the beautiful game. But after she incites a fight during playoffs with her long-time rival, Leticia Ortiz, everything she’s been working toward seems to disappear.

Embarrassed and desperate to be anywhere but home, Vale escapes to her beloved childhood soccer camp for a summer of relaxation and redemption…only to find out that she and the endlessly aggravating Leticia will be co-captaining a team that could play in front of college scouts. But the competition might be stiffer than expected, so unless they can get their rookie team’s act together, this second chance―and any hope of playing college soccer―will slip through Vale’s fingers. When the growing pressure, friendship friction, and her overbearing father push Vale to turn to Leticia for help, what starts off as a shaky alliance of necessity begins to blossom into something more through a shared love of soccer. . . and maybe each other.

The Dos and Donuts of Love by Adiba Jaigirdar A pun-filled YA contemporary romance, The Dos and Donuts of Love by Adiba Jaigirdar finds a teenage girl competing in a televised baking competition, with contestants including her ex-girlfriend and a potential new crush - perfect for fans of The Great British Bake Off and She Drives Me Crazy!

“Welcome to the first ever Junior Irish Baking Show!”

Shireen Malik is still reeling from the breakup with her ex-girlfriend, Chris, when she receives news that she’s been accepted as a contestant on a new televised baking competition show. This is Shireen’s dream come true! Because winning will not only mean prize money, but it will also bring some much-needed attention to You Drive Me Glazy, her parents’ beloved donut shop.

Things get complicated, though, because Chris is also a contestant on the show. Then there’s the very outgoing Niamh, a fellow contestant who is becoming fast friends with Shireen. Things are heating up between them, and not just in the kitchen. As the competition intensifies, Shireen will have to ignore all these factors and more― including potential sabotage―if she wants a sweet victory!

My Dear Henry by Kalynn Bayron In this gothic YA remix of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, a teen boy tries to discover the reason behind his best friend's disappearance—and the arrival of a mysterious and magnetic stranger—in misty Victorian London.

London, 1885. Gabriel Utterson, a 17-year-old law clerk, has returned to London for the first time since his life— and that of his dearest friend, Henry Jekyll—was derailed by a scandal that led to his and Henry's expuslion from the London Medical School. Whispers about the true nature of Gabriel and Henry's relationship have followed the boys for two years, and now Gabriel has a chance to start again. But Gabriel doesn't want to move on, not without Henry. His friend has become distant and cold since the disastrous events of the prior spring, and now his letters have stopped altogether. Desperate to discover what's become of him, Gabriel takes to watching the Jekyll house.

In doing so, Gabriel meets Hyde, a a strangely familiar young man with white hair and a magnetic charisma. He claims to be friends with Henry, and Gabriel can't help but begin to grow jealous at their apparent closeness, especially as Henry continues to act like Gabriel means nothing to him. But the secret behind Henry's apathy is only the first part of a deeper mystery that has begun to coalesce. Monsters of all kinds prowl within the London fog—and not all of them are out for blood...

As You Walk On By by Julian Winters The Breakfast Club meets Can't Hardly Wait with an unforgettable ensemble cast in another swoony YA contemporary from award-winning author Julian Winters!

Seventeen-year-old Theo Wright has it all figured out. His plan (well, more like his dad's plan) is a foolproof strategy that involves exceling at his magnet school, getting scouted by college recruiters, and going to Duke on athletic scholarship. But for now, all Theo wants is a perfect prom night. After his best friend Jay dares Theo to prompose to his crush at Chloe Campbell's party, Theo's ready to throw caution to the wind and take his chances.

But when the promposal goes epically wrong, Theo seeks refuge in an empty bedroom while the party rages on downstairs. Having an existential crisis about who he really is with and without his so-called best friend wasn't on tonight's agenda. Though, as the night goes on, Theo finds he's not as alone as he thinks when, one by one, new classmates join him to avoid who they're supposed be outside the bedroom door. Among them, a familiar acquaintance, a quiet outsider, an old friend, and a new flame . . .

[smilesrobotlover]

I need to know about your Link OCs! Can you give me a brief summary of them all? Or a fun fact for each? Who’s the cinnamon rolls vs the ones who would kill you in a heartbeat? I must know 👀

Hehe since you asked… UwU I’ll explain top to bottom from that one image

Fluffy is the predecessor to Cursed. It’s no secret anymore cuz it was sorta revealed in the comic already if you remember what he looks like but he’s also Cursed’s grandfather :) Idk what he did specifically I’m still tryna figure it out but I know some major things he did was that he rescued the young prince since some evil (possibly Vaati) kidnapped him for his divine magic. Typically it’s a princess with the goddesses blood in her veins but I’m like… there had to be a dude right? It would be exceptionally rare but that prince had the power of the goddesses :) and fluffy also tried to protect Ordon from the tyrant king who tried to force Ordonians to submit to his will. There would’ve been some intense bloodshed but there was a bright light and all the Ordonians disappeared. So ordon is a ghost town. Where’d they go? 🤔 when his oldest son Taril was like, 10-14 he left mysteriously and never returned.

Then Cursed I can’t talk about much cuz his story is being explored in @thecurseofdemisecomic which I haven’t worked on in a hot second and I need motivation again cuz it’s kinda dying unfortunately. I’m not even done with arc one 😭😭 but you can read some of it there. If ya want :) the main premise is that Ganondorf is actively hunting down the hero of Hyrule. Only issue, the hero always appears from the most random spots ever. So he’s hard to find

Malakan is… confusing to me. He’s Cursed’s successor and idk what to do anymore with it. It was gonna be called the Curse of Hylia but truthfully the lore for that doesn’t fit the lore I had anymore. I feel like Hylia is truly gone, living on through Zelda, so idk what’s going on there. But the art I made was cute lol. Anyways yeah idk what to do with him, he’s just hangin out. He’s also Cursed’s like, great grandson? Mayhaps? But yeah, he was like, bffs with Ganondorf and Zelda. It was one of those ;)

Moon is my son and my baby. His whole story I almost made a comic for but nothing has happened yet. Basically hes from the dark timeline to TCOD where the hero was murdered and the master sword gone. The world fought back for a long while, but without the master sword, the world inevitably was nearly destroyed, with Demise winning (in this Demise and Ganondorf started working together). The world was a barren wasteland and slavery was common. Moon was a slave and he was thrown into a pit after he fought back against the slavers to protect someone. The golden three returned to Hyrule to salvage what they could, Farore, being the goddess of the life, wanting to save it entirely. Because of Moon’s courage, she sent him the Triforce of course before being cursed into a little bunny. Demise couldn’t kill her but he sure as heck humiliated her with that form. Moon finds a zelda and after discovering his Triforce of courage (zelda having the Triforce of wisdom), she sent him to find the shards of the Triforce of power, which was shattered when she tried to defeat the evil. Moon finds Farore and they search for the shards, eventually restoring Hyrule with the Triforce. Idk what specifically happens after that but he meets Groose, he gets magic, and it’s fun :) Moon is deaf but he never learned how to communicate, like ever, so it was a rocky road for him until he learned sign language. He’s also Skord Link’s direct ancestor UwU idk why but that happened. That’s why Sky kinda looks like him! It was an accident but I leaned into it!

Then Real. He’s a fun kiddo. Basically his story is that he’s some kid who moved to Hyrule after his father passed away, and the supposed hero of Hyrule went searching for the master sword with his help. But Real ended up being the one to draw the sword and having the hero’s spirit. The fake hero did not like this and was raised to believe he was the true hero, so let’s just say he did some bad things. He took Real to try to steal his Triforce of courage cuz he believed that would get him the master sword, and Real was able to escape. He meets Beck (or Linebeck the 87th ;)) and is able to convince him to help him. They run away from “Fake” despite the many tricks he throws their way ( he pretends he’s Real’s father at some point but Beck knew that his father died. Also Fake is like, 18 years old lmao). Idk what happens after that. Beck has a son that supposedly died by a creature that steals force (but he doesn’t) and it possibly takes Beck and there’s this whole thing. Idk the ending is messy but that’s the gist of it! I actually did a whumptober with Beck and Real! Fun times! Also Real loses his eye 😔

And then Flower… oh my baby Flower. He’s such a good boy and has such a gentle soul. This is in Moon’s timeline. Because the death of the hero caused so much destruction, the royal family started searching for the hero to protect him. But it got a little extreme and Flower was forcefully taken as a baby (this leads into Real’s story with the royal family taking the wrong baby). He was raised by the sages, specifically the Sage of light named Kaeru, who is a terrible and abusive person. Flower loves animals and has a blue cuccoo named Nitrogen thanks to the folks on discord and he meets a friendly Moblin too. Zelda in this is really pushed by Kaeru and he’s noticeably exhausted. There’s no big plot, it’s just Flower hangin out. I also have a whumptober fic with him and Zelda lol. I love him

And then they’re not here but there’s also Rayne and Mushroom!

Rayne is the hero in the villain squad au! He has an older brother and is seen as a failure :D And Mushroom is a random child who was raised by a Goron! Idk how else to explain them, mushroom is so silly.

[misc-obeyme]

CC I'M SO EXCITED, I FINALLY GOT ENOUGH CONFIDENCE TO COMMISSION THINGS FROM PEOPLE (it's like three different people AJDJWJF)

but the prices are good, two of the people needed it for emergency money so it was a good push to bite the bullet and message them. I'm so happy, I'm gonna have art of me and Mammon (and one is gonna be a sketch page of me, mammon, and a friend who also likes obey me). Also i lost my drawing streak, but I just drew a bunch of random poses today for fun, so it makes up lmaoo.

anyway I am here to ramble about the job my mc/I would have in the Devildom! definitely got roped into working at the bunny cafe for one (1) shift with Mammon (the daily chat is what gave me this idea).

Not sure how the cafe works, but in the anime, Beel is working the bar lolol. So I always imagined it as a bar with some food, and you could request certain servers by paying extra, and obviously give them carrots or tips. Like a mix between a maid cafe and a club I suppose is what I'm thinking?? (...Hooters? I've never been)

anyway I totally got coerced bullied into working a shift (I am always caving when it comes to Mammon </3). And my anxiety is terrible, I CANNOT talk to people (it's a wonder how I'm a manager), so I'd definitely stick to bussing tables and helping run super big orders with one of the guys. Maybe even have Beel teach me to make some drinks, because that seems really fun. Basically completely avoiding any kind of one on one service.

And I think there's been chats or devilgrams about mc gaining popularity and having a fan club, so imagine all these patrons requesting me, and the owner has to be like "unfortunately - no." And then someone is like, "I'll pay an extra $100 just to have her" and that's when the owner decides to ask if I'd be willing. Because it doesn't hurt to ask, right?

And I'm like, "Ha! I'd do it for $250", and like, I say it as a joke, but imagine Mammon overhears everything. He'd drag me to the table and say my price, and to everyone's surprise, the demon agrees to pay. Now everyone is like 👁️👁️ interesting.

and now I'm suddenly serving a random demon, and I'm nervous as hell (HA), and I'd honestly spill their drink or something on them. The bill comes, come to find they tipped way over 20%, and wrote a note about hoping to have me again. Now I've singlehandedly paid back a big chunk of Mammon's debt.

now THAT would change my mind real quick. I would do anything for money, I'm so easily convinced 💀 like imagine how much cash I could make in one shift. Anxiety who ??

It ends up becoming a part time gig, and I become the owner's favorite. I learn the bar for fun, and can be requested as a server for a big fee. I'd like to imagine Mammon works extra hard to earn the owner's favor and begs to work the same shifts as me (little does he know I request to work with him bc he makes me feel safe, especially if people get way too drunk)

I've literally brainstormed about this so much, and I've still got more ideas rattling in my brain, SORRY IT GOT SO LONG AAA

- ✨ anon

WOOO!! Congrats, ✨ anon! You are braver than I lol! I've been trying to work up the courage for months, but I keep talking myself out of it. Mostly because I want to commission art of my OCs and I feel absolutely ridiculous asking someone to please spend hours drawing this silly guy from my head lol. It's a me problem, I'll get over it one day. Anyway, I'm sure your commissions will turn out amazing! I hope you enjoy them!

OMG what but I love this idea!! Listen, I have the social anxiety, too (it's so bad wow), so I get it. But I looove that you've got things that help you work this job despite that! Mammon and Beel to count on when you need support and of course the motivation of just... making money!

And it's so sweet that you're making the money to help cover Mammon's debts. And I love that both of you are like... requesting to work together and the other person is unaware of it. That's adorable!

I'm always going to recommend writing your ideas down! It doesn't have to be story-style, sometimes just getting them out of your head in some form really makes a big difference! Especially if it's something you've never told anyone or written down before. Forcing yourself to articulate ideas in a way that would make sense to someone else (even if no one else ever sees it) really helps to make ideas more solid. Then you can expound on them even more! It's a never ending cycle for me lol.

Anyway, I love all of this, I think it's fantastic.

For my part, I'd absolutely be bunny-ing it up at the bar with Beel. I like the idea of him making Devildom drinks and MC making human world ones. The demons that are willing to pay top dollar for MC to wait on them are also willing to pay top dollar for MC's authentic human world drinks! Now you're really rolling in the Grimm!

[best-underrated-anime]

Best Underrated Anime Group C Round 4: Hitori Bocchi’s ○○ Lifestyle vs Inuyashiki: Last Hero

#C2: Hitori Bocchi’s ○○ Lifestyle (HitoriBocchi no MaruMaru Seikatsu)

High social anxiety girl has to befriend her whole class

#C3: Inuyashiki: Last Hero

Old man turns into robot superhero

Details and poll under the cut!

#C2: Hitori Bocchi’s ○○ Lifestyle (HitoriBocchi no MaruMaru Seikatsu)

Summary:

Many of us know what it is like to transition to a new school with few to no friends in a new environment, going through the arduous process of getting to know people again. Bocchi Hitori knows this struggle all too well, having just graduated from elementary school and thrown into middle school. Unfortunately, she suffers from extreme social anxiety: she faints when overwhelmed, vomits when nervous, and draws up ridiculously convoluted plans to avoid social contact. It does not help that her only friend from elementary school, Kai Yawara, will not be attending the same middle school as Bocchi. However, wanting to help her, Kai severs ties with Bocchi and promises to reconcile with her when she befriends all of her classmates in her new middle school class.

Even though Bocchi has no faith in herself, she is determined to be friends with Kai again. Summoning all of her courage, Bocchi takes on the daunting challenge of making friends with her entire class, starting with the delinquent-looking girl sitting in front of her…

Propaganda:

This is a fun and lighthearted show. Watch it if you need something cute to chill out! The art is cute and colorful, the music lively, and the animation fine enough.

As it's adapted from a four-panel gag manga, the story is simple and focuses on the various characters. They all have pun-based names related to their main personality trait, so they're easy to remember if you know some basic Japanese (Hitori Bocchi means all alone, for example). The girls are all adorable and fun in their own quirky ways, and I loved seeing the heroine doing her utmost best to overcome her fears -and other challenges- to befriend them in the hope of fulfilling her promise. That's the power of the Do-Your-Best Fairy! They all care for each other (despite some teasing) and help Bocchi with her monumental task, never pulling her down for her struggles but gently pushing her in the back when needed.

But most importantly, Hitori Bocchi is a very relatable character. As someone suffering the same trouble, I related a lot with Bocchi, from her silliest worries to her escalating panic and weird schemes in an attempt to prevent anything wrong. Anxiety is faithfully represented, mixed with the right amount of laughing to how far Bocchi can get to avoid fearful situations in her very cute ways. It feels good to see a character like me in a such positive light! The struggles are real and acknowledged, and it’s really moving to see our heroine overcome them little by little in a very humanizing way.

This series has become one of my comfort materials, and I come back to it when I need hope and inspiration in everyday social interactions! If you need one last thing to be convinced, listen to that most adorable and silly song that will give you the Power of Motivation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGoGwlNmZUQ 

Trigger Warnings: None.

#C3: Inuyashiki: Last Hero

Summary:

Ichirou Inuyashiki is a 58-year-old family man who is going through a difficult time in his life. Though his frequent back problems are painful, nothing hurts quite as much as the indifference and distaste that his wife and children have for him. Despite this, Ichirou still manages to find solace in Hanako, an abandoned Shiba Inu that he adopts into his home. However, his life takes a turn for the worse when a follow-up physical examination reveals that Ichirou has stomach cancer and only three months to live; though he tries to be strong, his family's disinterest causes an emotional breakdown. Running off into a nearby field, Ichirou embraces his dog and weeps—until he notices a strange figure standing before him.

Suddenly, a bright light appears and Ichirou is enveloped by smoke and dust. When he comes to, he discovers something is amiss—he has been reborn as a mechanized weapon wearing the skin of his former self. Though initially shocked, the compassionate Ichirou immediately uses his newfound powers to save a life, an act of kindness that fills him with happiness and newfound hope.

However, the origins of these strange powers remain unclear. Who was the mysterious figure at the site of the explosion, and are they as kind as Ichirou when it comes to using this dangerous gift?

Propaganda:

This show is nowadays remembered for referencing One Piece and its obvious CGI, but it’s so much more than that. Inuyashiki is a beautiful, dark, dramatic exploration of humanity, showcasing the brightest good that humans are capable of and the most horrific evil. It seriously explores both extremes, and it forces the audience to solemnly watch every step of the way.

It also has an AMAZINGLY badass OP and a beautifully sad ED, perfectly encapsulating the duality of the show itself.

Trigger Warnings: Animal Cruelty/Death, Flashing Lights, Graphic Depictions of Cruelty/Violence/Gore, Rape/Non-Con, Suicide

When reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.

If you want to criticize one of the shows above to give the one you’re rooting for an advantage, then do so constructively. I do not tolerate groundless hate or slander on this blog. If I catch you doing such a thing in the notes, be it in the tags or reblogs, I will block you.

Know one of the shows above and not satisfied with how it’s presented in this tournament? Just fill up this form with your revisions, and I’ll consider adapting those changes.

New: Starting round 5, screenshots will be included in the poll post. You can submit screenshots through the form linked above, or through here, via ask or dm.

Guidelines in submitting screenshots:

No NSFW or spoilery images.

Pick some good images please. Don’t send any blurry or pixelated ones.

You may send up to 9 screenshots, but not all may be used.

[fatuismooches]

greetings, miss smooches ~

it's been a good while since i last sent something in your inbox, what a good day to make a return ^-^

i came here to send my best regards in celebration of the new year so, happy new year suzu bubs! 🤍 i hope this year treats you with utmost kindness and love and i wish you the very best with it, you'll see a mini me cheering you on in spirit throughout the entire year ~

not ( actually will ) be sappy, but i am so so glad i managed to have such a sweetheart of a moot and honestly a friend at this point at least in my eyes. i know the both of us haven't been mutuals for very long, but the times where we were chatting together through your inbox or my reblogs really mean a whole lot to me <3 i remember just discovering your blog again back in june last year, keeping up with the puppet's lessons and seeing your in which you're just loving dottore like no other. seeing you in my dash just puts a smile on my face really, and i am so glad i gathered the courage to send you an ask that day ^-^

giving you lots of hugs bub! thank you for being such a huge inspiration for me and also a really sweet individual. take care and here's to a year hopefully full of fun for both of us~ oh! and dot passes on his regards to you too, naturally <3

— signed, ayame.

HI YAME DEAREST! It has been a while efkbfrefj i missed seeing you pop up in here! (I also hope you're feeling better now since i know you had a lot of stuff going on! ❤️❤️)

I too wish you all the best for the new year! I hope you're blessed with all the wonderful things in this world, otherwise, you'll find me in your pocket fighting all the bad things away 🤭💥💥 (Kuni too of course, I'm mostly there for extra support)

EFBFEJKBE STOP YAME YOU'RE MAKING ME BLUSH 🥺🥺 I REALLY DON'T DESERVE THIS MUCH PRAISE!! i should be thanking you for being my lovely moot hehe I'm so glad you sent me that ask too because I'm shy and bad at reaching out first to others fbejfbe. (And the me loving Dottore part... HELP i think that's what I'm know for at this point bye 😭😭) (and i still remember how you sincerely motivated me to finish the Kabuki series, I'm always thankful for that 💗)

Thank you for always making me smile and all Yame :)) Here's to a wonderful year together (and lots of Kuni brainrot hm?) Speaking of, I'm glad I'm not the only one excited for his birthday 🥹🥹 I'm quaking in anticipation! I want to see his art and letter so much! (I also can't believe it's been a whole year) (racer Kuni needs to save me too)

[cilil]

New Year & Resolutions

So... 2023. As with many of us, it wasn't a great year for me. Lots of stress and struggling irl, family members getting severely ill, some tragic accidents... and with some of these situations being ongoing and big scary exams coming up, 2024 isn't looking much brighter for me in that regard.

However!

I still have my stories, my blorbos and my friends - and that means you guys - to keep me company and brighten my day. I don't know what I would do without you and all of the fun things we do together and for that, I'm endlessly grateful.

In late 2022, I (re)entered the Silmarillion fandom (as in, I was never interacting before that, but I was there), and in 2023 I joined and participated in a whole bunch of events and met so many great people - many new, but also a few I remember from back in the day. It felt great to finally, after all these years, have the courage to reach out and let you know that I love your works. Let's hope for another year of creativity and community, and I'm very much looking forward to what everyone has in store...

... which brings us to my new year's resolutions.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ I've started working on expanding my character pool, as some of you may have noticed in the more recent events and challenges I shared on my blog, and I want to continue doing that. Comfort is a fickle thing and I'm always worried I don't get it right, but I try to take it as an opportunity for creative growth either way.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Related to the previous point: I want to continue using the drabble and ficlet events specifically to give gifts to friends, mutuals and followers alike, so once again: If you have brainrot or fun ship ideas or anything of this sort, let me know, hit me up, let's chat. I love hearing new ideas. And if it's ever something I don't feel like I can write or talk about at that time I'll let you know, so no worries at all.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ I want to continue being present for events, but I need to find some time for my personal projects as well, which I haven't really managed this past year. There are several ideas for bigger projects I have lying around and collecting dust (both Angbang and otherwise) and I also have old fics from back in the day that I want to rewrite and share. It won't be easy, especially with the aforementioned exams and all, but I want to at least try.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ That also includes requests I have yet to fulfill and unfinished events. My apologies to all those who have waited longer for something than they should have - I assure you, I didn't forget about it. I'm just a bit of a bumbling fool who gets too excited about her hobby and then proceeds to bury herself in too much work.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ On the other hand, I did manage to make some progress in regards to being more motivated, being more productive and taking better care of myself and I want to continue improving in that regard, be it when it comes to fandom or otherwise. I also want to say thank you to all those who supported me during difficult times - you know who you are. Thank you. I appreciate you more than you will ever know.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ As generic as it sounds, I also want to continue improving my craft, both writing and, dare I hope, art. I had several moments over the year where I felt like I improved or I learned or understood a new thing, but there's always room for more and I'm someone who enjoys learning.

I might have forgotten something so there may be edits, but that's it for now.

I wish all of you a happy new year and all the best for 2024, even if things aren't looking too bright for you either. Despite everything, I'm confident that we can get through this together, and if nothing else just know that I'm here for you, trying to share the things that make my life better and hopefully bring others a bit of joy too.

By which I mean hot angel porn -

Bye~

[amunyan]

Love me, not him! (3/7)

When I was younger I really liked those stories and games where you could choose your own path. So I tried it here, because I could never really decide who is better of the two...

(But my art is worst – so don’t expect photos or something like this…🥴😅)

I'm still trying my best to write in proper English... I hope you still like it... And maybe I should post this stuff somewhere else... It got way to long 🫣😅🤨

„How could Mereoleona be so mean to me? Why does she want me to forget Fuegoleon?“ You asked yourself. Literally; you were staring at your own reflection in the little stream, beneath the bridge you stood on. It got dark meanwhile and the moonlight glittered in the water.

But no matter how long you stared at yourself, you couldn't find an answer to your question.

***A: Maybe I should just ask her what’s wrong. ***

***B: Anyway... Let’s pretend today never happened and head home. ***

***C: * sigh * It's late.... I shouldn't worry her. I better get back before she starts looking for me. **

3A

“Yeah – to make things clear would be the best option”, you nodded to yourself. You wanted to know what’s going on between the two of you. Or at least; why she did what she did.

„After all she is the only one who knows about my feelings for her brother. So why would she want to drive a wedge between us? She even promised me to help me out and support us.“    

But being remembered of this fact – you still regret how talkative you were in this night - one thing came to another and both your motivation and confidence melted down like a snowman in summer.

„I... I can't. She only knows about this because I failed badly back then, when I want to confess my feelings for Fuegoleon...“

Your heart was beating fast in your chest. Your hands were shaking, even worse than your voice.

You did it. You confessed your long-held feelings for Fuegoleon. Maybe it was not the best moment to do so. Neither the best place for a confession. But you couldn’t hold back in the moment he came to your aid.

Being bright red you looked up at him. As you met his eyes he was looking at you with a friendly smile, like always. „Oh, I am sorry, (Y/N). What did you just say? Your voice was so quiet, I couldn’t understand you.“

From all the possible outcomes, this was the worst. The world around you shattered by his words .You started feeling a lump in the throat. Felt how your chest tightens up. You couldn’t breathe and your body starts to tremble. A fight against the upcoming tears got started. Doomed from the moment he approaches you to hand you the book you asked for. The book you couldn’t reach at the top of the bookshelf.

„Could you please repeat what you just said?“

No. Impossible. Your mind went empty at the moment he asked you for the first time to repeat yourself. The needed courage to repeat your confession was extinguished. Got used up for the first confession.

The awkward silence got worse as you felt the glances of the other people, the other members of the order. Glances, sharp enough as they could pierce someone.

You bit your lips and went back a few steps to hopefully escape this Situation. Not minding your steps. As a result, you stepped over your own feet and fall on your bum.

„(Y/N)?! Are you okay?” With worry in his eyes, Fuegoleon came closer. He reached out his hand to help you up.

But you couldn’t even look at him. Tears started filling your eyes and without another look at him, you fled headlong from the library. Never wanting to see him again...

„But we saw each other again. I even become one of his closest confidantes. Even if we never talked about this event again.

Being honest with yourself; It was not the brightest idea to confess in such a situation. At this place, in front of other people. “At that time it was something romantic for me. But even Mereoleona laughed at me.”

Later, when everyone was looking for you, she was the one who found you. You couldn't help but tell her what had happened.  “I still don’t know why I told her everything. But she wanted to help us. But it never really happened.” You sighed deeply and scratched your head. “Damn it. This – my poor communication skills – could maybe be a problem. Maybe I also got her wrong on this day and she never wanted to help me at all.  Talking again about this could it even make worse...“

After another deep breath you decided to head back. It’s not worth worrying about it. At least; not out here in the cold of night. It would work better in a warm bed as a sleeping aid. Nevertheless a clarifying conversation with Mereoleona would be necessary. You would just have to prepare thoroughly.

As you went back, you noticed the short way to the city gate was besieged by three half-breads – looking at you with grim look. An uneasy feeling grips you. You wanted to shake it of, when you felt a sharp pain in your cheek. Before you even realized what happened you find yourself in a fight against those three teenagers...

3B

You took in a deep breath before you pushed yourself away from the wooden railing of the little bridge, to head back, from your little hideaway outside the Capital-City, to the HQ of your Order. You felt like you were in a small forest as you walked along a small, dark path lined with trees and bushes. As you made your way home, you noticed three people around the age of teenagers. You couldn't say why, but a strange feeling came over you as you made eye contact with one of the three, who was lying on the ground. You quickly tried to hide something as soon as they noticed the emblem on your cloak. At first it seemed suspicious to you. But you didn’t have the time or the nerves to worry about this. Especially not the nerves.

„Come on, (Y/N). Mind your own business. They do nothing illegal or something like that. Maybe they hide some alcohol or something like this. It's not worth the worry.“

You turned your face away, looking at the ground. But an uneasy feeling grips you. You wanted to shake it of, when you felt a sharp pain in your cheek. Before you even realized what happened you find yourself in a fight against those three teenagers...

3C

As you were about turn around, old memories of the night you got to know her, caught up to you.

„It's like back then; When I wanted to confess my feelings to Fuegoleon. But I couldn’t find the courage to speak up again after he didn’t hear me...“

You remembered running away from him, never wanting to see him again and flee to this very same spot; the little river outside the city. A place you found by chance, but you felt safe there. “Probably because people rarely stray there...” you thought to yourself with a little smile on your lips. “But sometimes… they do. At least back then when I first met her…”

It got dark when you stopped running and found yourself at a little river, close to the walls of the capital city. But with all the trees and bushes it seemed like a little forest. A place you had not known until then. No one was around, so you could cry to yourself for a few hours. Giving yourself bad names for being such an idiot and stupid enough to think he would like you back as much as you like him. You also toyed with the idea of running away. Like a little child, and never ever come back. The only thing holding you back was that you were freezing in the upcoming night. And your stomach - who told you, you were hungry...

So, with no warm blankets and no hunting skills, you made your way back to the HQ when someone approached you; a young lady, perhaps a few years older than you. She walked directly towards you, and you noticed the similarities to Fuegoleon. But it was when she began to speak that you connected the dots; “This is Mereoleona Vermillion, Fuegoleons older sister”, you realized. “Send help… If she really is the kind of barbarian that she is said to be by everyone…”

“Hey!? What do you think you’re doing? Everybody is already looking for you, especially my little brother.”

Uncertain whether she really meant you, you first looked behind you - no, there was really no one else around - as you pointed uncertainly at yourself.

“Yes, of course you!” She almost shouted at you and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “So, tell me what’s wrong? Why did you run away?”

„No... nothing“, you stuttered, wanting to pass her. „I...I... Already wanted... wanted to go home. So... everything is-“

You couldn’t even pretend that everything was fine. A flaming paw came at you..

„Don't lie to me, little girl. I can Tell from your mana that nothing is alright...“

You both were starring at each other for a while. Mereoleona in a strict and unyielding way. You gave in as you couldn’t handle the shaking of your body. It was not only the fear, but also the icy wind that played its part.

So you told her about your rejection by Fuegoleon. Your problem with your quiet voice and your leak in both; self-confidence and the courage to speak up again. She listened carefully to your story, but couldn't help herself and started to laugh as you told her more details.

„You did what? Asking for a book as an excuse and confess your love for him so quietly that He couldn’t hear you?“

„ Don't laugh at me. It's already embarrassing without you. And it wasn’t exactly an excuse. It was to… “ you didn’t know how to explain yourself. “It was not planned to confess my feelings. All right?“

Mereoleona stopped laughing and put an arm around you in reconciliation. A broad, meaningful grin appeared on her lips. „Feelings for my dorky little brother? That’s sweet. He doesn't even know how to spell love, nor would he notice it if it jumped in his face.“

You swallowed. Felt a lump in your throat and everything inside you tightened at her words.

Your nose began to itch as tears filled your eyes. You tried to suppress those feelings but couldn’t help. The first tear run down your face, over your nose and dripped to the ground.

„Oh... You mean it this seriously...“ Mereoleona started understanding and a soft but bitter sweet smile came to her lips. „Let me help you a little bit”, she whispered, pulling you into a warm embrace and wiping away the tears...

„Since Back then, since her promise to help me and Fuegoleon, nothing really happened. It is that we have become a kind of close friends? And… her brother always seemed to be fine with this development…”

You sighed deeply before you straightening up again from your lumpy pose over the bridge railing and looking up at the starry sky.  “What if… what if he really doesn’t feel anything for me? But… what if Mereoleona is the one having feelings? If she does all this because she has feelings for…?”You paused. The thought you had just grasped for the first time seemed so absurd and stupid that you have to let it sink in first. But after a few seconds you started laughing. „Oh dear, what am I thinking? I am definitely not her type. I am way too weak and shy. Better don’t tell her this. She will get mad with me. After all, she really is a bit of the barbarian everyone thinks she is. But talking about getting mad - I should head home now.”

As you went back, you noticed the short way to the city gate was besieged by three half-breads – looking at you with grim look.

An uneasy feeling grips you. You wanted to shake it of, when you felt a sharp pain in your cheek. Before you even realized what happened you find yourself in a fight against those three teenagers...

[kaleidoru]

I think I might be starting to be on the mend 🥹

I've been dealing with a leg infection for like... the past 2 weeks? And I can't see a GP until the 14th of december.

I haven't been able to put my leg down without excruciating nonstop pain and the only relief has been painkillers and keeping my leg up, so I was stuck in bed constantly. I got a laptop desk I can have over my lap in bed so I was FINALLY able to do art yesterday and the day before.

But yeah :< it pretty much began not long after my last post of Asmodeus and is still ongoing. I've had 2 similar leg infections in the right leg but it was my first time getting it in the left leg and was significantly worse this time. I honestly think I just need antibiotics again (like prev 2 times) and then I'll be good to go.

After christmas, I'd like to finally find the courage to open commissions since this year I finally really like how my art looks 🥹❤️ thanks to everyone who has been supporting me and my art all this time too, it's been very motivating going back and reading tags on reblogs, some of y'all have made me tear up before from how nice you all are

[yhwhrulz]

Charles Spurgeon's "Morning & Evening" Devotional for September 4

Morning

“Save, Lord.”

John 6:14-17

John 6:14 , John 6:15

He again put away the crown of temporal sovereignty, just as he had done when the devil tempted him in the wilderness.

Matthew 14:24-33

Matthew 14:24

Their sails could not help them, and they made so little headway that by midnight they were only in the middle of the lake.

Matthew 14:25

And in the fourth watch of the night when the morning was drawing near

Matthew 14:25

Trench has beautifully said: “In the first storm (Matthew 8:24) he was present in the ship with them; and thus they must have felt all along that, if it came to the worst, they might rouse him; while the mere sense of his presence must have given them the sense of a comparative security. But he will not have them to be clinging only to the sense of his bodily presence; they must not be as ivy, needing always an outward support, but as hardy forest trees, which can brave a blast; and this time he puts them forth into the danger alone, even as some loving mother-bird thrusts her fledglings from the nest, that they may find their own wings and learn to use them. And by the issue he will awaken in them a confidence in his ever-ready help; for as his walking on the sea must have been altogether unimagined by them, they may have easily despaired of that help reaching them, and yet it does not fai l them. When he has tried them to the uttermost, “ in the fourth watch of the night,” he appears beside them, thus teaching them for all their after life, in all coming storms of temptation, that he is near them; that, however he may not be seen always by their bodily eyes, and however they may seem cut off from his assistance, yet is he indeed a very present help in time of trouble.”

Matthew 14:29

He gave him permission.

Matthew 14:29

How remarkable his sensations! How joyful and yet how trembling, must Peter have been! What wonders his faith performed!

Matthew 14:30

Where he had half hoped to be distinguished for superior courage he reveals his timidity, and is humbled thereby. Unbelief alone made him sink, he removed his eye from his Lord to the billows. Have we not acted in a similar manner more than once?

Matthew 14:31

Saving him first, and then gently chiding him. If he spoke thus to Peter, what would he say to some of us who are far more unbelieving?

Matthew 14:32 , Matthew 14:33

His Godhead was clear to them, and they adored him.

“If it be thou” oh! bid me come,

Dark though the waters be;

I will not fear, if thou art near,

And bid’st me come to thee.

“If it be thou,” the storm may swell

Obedient to thy will;

For thou canst all its fury quell,

And bid its waves “Be still.”

“If it be thou!” Oh yes, it is!

My Saviour’s voice I hear,

He tells my soul that I am his,

And he is ever near.

Evening

“Lord, evermore give us this bread.”

Those who followed Jesus with a wrong motive soon found that he did not care for their company, and was gone from them, they knew not how. If we attend places of worship with worldly motives, we shall one day find out as these people did, that “Jesus was not there.”

John 6:22-34

John 6:22 , John 6:23

John is particular in noticing our Lord’s thanksgiving; spiritual minds remark and remember most the spiritual parts of any action. The Jews noticed the bread and the fish, but the beloved disciple was most pleased with the giving of thanks. Oh for a spiritual eye!

John 6:25

Here was much zeal and outward respect, but it was blind and selfish, and therefore the Lord set no store by it.

John 6:26

With an unerring glance he read their hearts. They fancied that they were fond of him and his kingdom; he knew that far grosser affections ruled them; this he told them plainly to their faces, and bade them seek more noble objects.

John 6:29

The most godlike work, the greatest, and most acceptable, is that we believe in Jesus. Faith is, after all, the noblest of works, and none have it but those in whom God himself has placed it.

John 6:31

They wanted feeding again, and thought that by such talk they would induce the Lord to make them another banquet. They spoke of bread from heaven, little caring where it came from, so long as they might but be filled with it. It is wonderful that Jesus had patience to listen to their greedy and crafty insinuations.

John 6:34

Some thus prayed in honest ignorance, expecting to have food for nothing from his hand every day; but others merely said this in taunt, deridingly setting it before the Lord as the test of his Messiahship that he should give them bread all their lives. Yet they have, unwittingly, furnished us with a petition which we may hourly use; it is full of meaning, and exactly expresses our need and our desire. Let us carry it with us all this day as our heart’s wish and prayer ”Lord, evermore give us this bread.”

Oh! labour ye not for perishing meat;

For Jesus hath brought his body to eat;

Himself the true leaven, the life-giving bread,

He came down from heaven to quicken the dead.

To hearts unrenew’d ‘tis hard to believe

His body for food how Jesus can give;

But he who partaketh doth inwardly feed,

And knows that it maketh a banquet indeed!

Copyright Statement This resource was produced before 1923 and therefore is considered in the "Public Domain".

[one-flying-squid]

Lack of motivation, my old art sucks and maybe I hate social media: a rant + new drawings

Hello like, four people who care about my internet presence. It's been a while and I think I need to just put my thoughts somewhere so I don't go insane. Here goes something...

I've been studying day and night recently for college entrance exams and my dream is to get into art school. However, whenever I look into my old art in this account, since I mostly post my digital drawings, which I'm not very good at and made this account exactly to try and get to practice more, I just feel so bad. Everything is just so gross and ugly and bad you know? I wish I could just delete all of it and start from scratch, maybe try posting watercolors and such.

Still, I wish I could trust myself more, just let these drawings stay as part of my history and not care so much, but since I created a social media account I feel like there are eyes at me at every corner, and having people at school find out about my accounts and look at it just makes me feel all kinds of wrong.

I'll try posting more because I think it's important to share them to get feedback, but it just gets too much sometimes. Does anybody else also feel that?

When I finish my portfolio, I'll probably post it here all ready. There are so many drawings I haven't posted because of a lack of time and confidence, but seeing all the little hearts and small comments coming back to tumblr gave me the courage to start again. So here goes some of them! I hope you like them as much I do:

First we got a little mouse wondering if the moon is made out of cheese

And a where's Waldo style thingy. The objectives are to find:

* 14 peanuts floating around

* an astronaut with a broken helmet

* there's a captured alien in the lab, his friend came to rescue him, but he is disguised, find him.

If you read this far, thank you for putting up with me and, if you need a sign to keep going, this is it, don't give up!

Keep creative everybody ☆

[lostsoulsneverfindhome]

How do you stop feeling like an inconvenience?

I want help so bad but terrified to ask,

Feeling trapped, suffocated,

I see happiness on her face and don’t wanna ruin it

Hide away my thoughts and fears

Trying to disappear

Work to help others

But can’t seem to help myself

I help her wash and dry.

But all I seem to do is cry.

Trapped in a body I hate.

Trapped in a room as I suffocate

Drowning in thoughts I can’t stop.

Sweet release sounds so nice, but I fear of disappointing everyone

Is this what he felt? When he decided to leave us?

Was it selfish or for personal fulfillment?

All I feel is loss. Along and afraid.

I have no one to ask or anywhere to go.

Stuck in this room. Full of my disappointment.

Can’t stop spending. Can’t stop running my mouth. Can’t stop my awful thoughts.

No friends near. She’s mad at me or won’t understand.

Lost my best friend. One I held dear.

Needing to scream but my eyes already hurt so bad.

I hear her laugher in the next room, I’m glad she’s happy.

Away from my toxicity.

I can’t bring myself to tell her how I’m feeling and have been feeling.

All I want is to go in my sleep,

Not know, not feel, just disappear. As if I never were and will never remember I was.

I pray I don’t become a ghost, I don’t want to be stuck with these feelings forever. I want to dissipate.

Why can’t I like anything about myself? Why is it all hatred?

I try so hard just to reach even lower.

Try looking for new reasons to live,

A new book, a new movie, an event. But they all don’t seem to matter right now. Now they don’t feel like enough.

I don’t want anyone blaming themselves if I decide to go.

They tried

I’m just miserable. My brain eating at itself in regret.

Maybe one day I’ll get the courage. Either to never feel like this again or to finally do the act.

Im tired of not being anyone’s number one.

Im always second to soemthing.

Friends, lovers, family. All second.

I wish I could be more likable, less of a weirdo.

Not as much of an asshole. Have less mental health issues.

I want to stop finding out I have more and more disabilities. I feel like it just hurts me.

My cats don’t even seem to really like me anymore.

I miss Ty and Jynxx. Why do animals have to live such short lives? Ours feels like forever. I’m tired of forever. It’s too long.

How did John reach so long? How did he reach to 28? I still have a few years until I reach that. That seems like eternity away.

I wish I could say I was making this all up.

The closer I get to his age, the more I understand. I hate that I understand.

I miss my best friend… I’m nobody to her anymore. Why did she have to go and do that? She could have just not done that, and everything would be fine and she’d still be here, able to talk to me.

I feel so lonely, and it just keeps setting in deeper.

I miss being a child, before I became conscious. Where my only worry was what webkinz I was goona get next, how to level up in wizard101, and if I’ll find any fossils at the park.

In a hundred years, no one will know who I am. Except the slim possibility that someone does an ancestry thing.

Why do I have so little motivation?

No motivation to read.

No drive to draw.

No passion to create any art.

I have everything I could ever need, but I just CANT.

I want to so bad, but my body just doesn’t want to.

I’m tired of being me. I can’t change me.

Wonder how I could euthanize myself. That seems like the best option.

How are there people who don’t deal with this at all in their lives?

This is super long, I should probably stop.

My racing thoughts won’t though.

Constantly giving me reminders.

Useless.

Worthless.

Annoying.

Burden.

Waste.

[firesideme]

Chapter Three

During class the next day, you make no attempt to appear interested in the teacher’s lecture, instead going through your notes and highlighting your best ideas. The time passes quickly this way, and by the time you’ve come up with several concept ideas for each song, the clock tower chimes to mark the arrival of midday. Is it really okay if I sit with them? you wonder, packing your materials into your bag, but with express permission from Yeosang, you muster the courage to do so. 

But your courage only extends so far.

Since they aren't there yet when you arrive, you hide in the bathrooms until you suppose they must have had time to reach the canteen and sit down, unwilling to test whether they would be willing to gather around you at an empty table. You find them at the same table a few minutes later as you peek around the door, trading lunch items and desperately completing assignments before the break is over. 

Yunho spots you first and to your surprise, waves you over and makes a space for you. Covering his mouth, half-full with lunch, he says, “Yeosang says he took you to our place?”

“What did you think?” Wooyoung adds excitedly.

“It was so cool,” you say. “Do you guys really practice there?”

“Well, Wooyoung goes off on his own sometimes,” Seongwha says. “The dance studio he’s part of doesn’t let non-members in.”

Mingi grunts. “And once he’s off in the city, he won’t have to keep practicing in a shitty factory. Ow!”

Wooyoung quirks an eyebrow, unapologetic for the kick he just landed against Mingi’s shin. 

“You’re going to the city?” you ask. “How come?”

Some of the energy leaves Wooyoung’s eyes “I got an offer from a company to be a dancer. I haven’t said yes yet…”

Mingi scoffs again. 

The mood threatens to turn sour until you blurt out, “I’ve been working on some ideas, do you want to see them?”

“Working hard already,” Hongjoong says, taking the notebook you hand him, “I like it.”

“Oh, this is good.” San taps the page. “The colors would fit perfectly. You really thought hard about it, didn’t you?”

His expression is so sincere that you’re forced to look away, muttering thanks. “Are we still going to meet there after school today?” 

The group nods.

“Can you still make it?” Yeosang asks, and you almost laugh at the implication that you have anything better to do. 

“Of course I can. I’m one hundred percent on board.”

“Hey, I just realized,” Hongjoong says, leaning across the table with a grin, “Mono is going to be our first real audience as a group.” 

A ripple passes over them that you can’t distinguish between excitement or nerves. 

“I’ll.. look forward to it.”

Sitting through your evening classes, you wonder if you’re more excited to see the performance than they are to give it. Due to that feeling, and the boredom of ignoring lessons you couldn’t understand anyway, you start thinking about how you’re going to start turning your ideas from words on a page to reality. You don’t really have any experience in this kind of thing, but it was the best offer you could make that you might actually have a shot at doing well. You’re going to need a sewing machine for starters, fabric, fastenings, jewelry, simple pieces of clothing that you can modify to save time, and you only have one idea where to get them.

Motivated by your desire to impress, you leave your seat, heading downstairs to the art classrooms. You choose one that isn’t being used, creeping through the door despite knowing that no one would question you too much anyway. Beyond the paint-stained tables and the canvases drying from the previous lesson, are cabinets and draws each labeled with what they contain. You help yourself to one of the large portfolio files and start loading it with anything you might need to realize the designs in your head. In your school bag, you shove as many rolls of sellotape, bottles of glue, needles and thread, and colored pens as it can physically hold. Then there's the sewing machine helpfully stored already in a box with a handle, the manual inside. 

You wonder if you should feel guilty for taking these things without permission. A part of you does, but a stronger, larger part feels that this is the least you deserve for the treatment you’ve endured.

Before heading to your final destination, you stash your spoils in the art classroom for later. The custodian’s office is close to the front entrance of the school and when you knock on the door, an old man, wrinkled and browned by the town’s hot summers, looks you up and down.

“Yes?”

“Do you have any lost property, sir?”

“Who are you?”

“Mono. I’m a student.”

He blinks at you.

“Sir, please, could I see the lost property?”

He blinks again, turning inside his office to retrieve a large cardboard box. When he hands it to you, his wrinkled face is drawn into confusion. Before he can say anything, however, you take the box and thank him for his help. You go through it in the empty art classroom, disheartened by the lack of anything interesting- it’s all just gym uniforms and shirts.

Suddenly, an idea comes to you. You count ten white shirts, realizing that you could easily modify these to fit with several of your ideas, and start to get excited. 

You spend the rest of the school day bent over your notes on one of the art classroom desks, planning and replanning your designs until something concrete emerges and you have the start of a plan. When the bell rings for the end of the day, you're sitting back in your chair, pleased with yourself.

The portfolio and boxes heavy in your arms, you rush to the shade of the tree you met Yeosang under the day before. The mysteries accumulating in your life finally feel far away enough not to matter. 

“Ready to go?” Yeosang wheels his bike towards you and turns his head when he sees what you’re carrying. “What’s all this?”

“I thought I could get started on the costumes today,” you say, “although it might be a little awkward to carry everything over to the factory.”

“It’s no problem.” Yeosang takes the portfolio under one arm and balances the box of clothes on the saddle. “I’ll just walk today.”

“Sorry… I wasn’t thinking.”

He shakes his head and starts to move toward the gates. “The others will meet us there. Let’s go.”

Your pace is slow, weighed down by your bag as you walk the route to the factory. “So, ah, how was class?”

“Class? Oh, you know, fine.”

“Is third year difficult?”

A sardonic smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Studying is about the only thing I’m good at."

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“I wonder. What about you? Do you study much?”

You laugh. “Nah, not really.”

“You and Wooyoung have that in common then.” Yeosang exhales, hand tightening around his handlebars. “If only he’d commit to that offer, I wouldn’t worry about what he’ll do once he graduates.”

“Why has he not accepted?”

Yeosang shakes his head. “Not for any reason I can understand, that’s for sure.”

You drop the subject, unwilling to pry further into Wooyoung’s personal life without his knowledge. “What do you want to do after school then?”

“You’ll think it’s dumb.”

“I promise I won’t.”

You both walk a few paces before he answers. “Well, it’s always been my dream to be a performer, but these days I can’t see myself doing that without the rest of the group. I know that I’m wishing for too much, but I just want all of us to be able to perform together forever. I think that the others want that too, even if they can’t admit it.”

“Is that why the festival is so important?” you ask. 

“Exactly.” Yeosang stops suddenly, eyes shining “That’s exactly why I feel so desperate. Even though it’s just a dumb school festival, I just know that this is my only chance to do what I love with the people I want to do it with. If I miss this chance, I’ll be closing that door forever.”

You smile. “Then I’ll do my best to help you convince them.”

Without the breeze from the speed of Yeosang’s bike, you’re sweating by the time you reach the factory. Summer beats down on you relentlessly, and you gladly accept the cold drink of water San offers you once you walk through the doors. A few minutes later, Mingi and Wooyoung arrive, completing the group. 

“I’m kinda nervous,” Seongwha admits. He stands in front of the mirror, fiddling with his clothing.

“Don’t be, I’m nothing to be scared of.”

“You have to be honest though,” Jongho says, tapping his finger on the coffee table. “You have to tell us if it’s bad, or, like, tell us how to improve.”

“But I don’t know anything about dancing.”

Hongjoong waves a hand dismissively “But everyone can tell a good performance from a bad one. Just tell us which parts you liked and which parts could be better.” 

You nod, a flutter in your chest emerging as you absorb some of the group’s trepidation. 

“Okay!” Hongjoong claps his hands together and motions from the group to form in front of the mirror. “Treat this like a normal practice run. We’ve done this enough times to do it in our sleep, so don’t worry about making mistakes. Just have fun with it. 

Yunho pushes Jongho playfully. “What the captain said, but remember the formation for once, will you?” 

Jongho sneers, but when the group laughs, you get the impression that this is a running joke.

Since the couch faces away from the mirror, you sit on your knees, arms crossed over the backrest so you can watch them. Yeosang, fitting from what you know of his personality, is the most nervous of them all, hopping from one foot to the other. He claimed to only be good at studying, and you wonder if he’s nervous because that’s true, or because you're his first audience. 

“Mono, would you start the track for us?” Hongjoong asks.

Your finger hovers over the button and Hongjoong gives you a thumbs-up once they’re all in position. 

The music starts and their bodies jolt into fluid movement. It’s the energetic track first, the group executing impressive footwork to the rhythm of the song, somehow managing to appear controlled and wild at the same time. You can tell instantly how hard they’ve worked on each move, as while each member performs them with their own style, no one is off-beat, and certainly no one misses a step. 

With what now feels like a habit, you can’t help but focus more on Yeosang. You see the power in each of his movements and recall the way his body felt against you when you rode behind him on his bike. Despite having a delicate beauty, he is not without strength. 

As the song comes to a climactic end, you cheer loudly, then louder still when the several in the group avoid your eyes in embarrassment. Yunho, Wooyoung, and Hongjoong, however, thrive off your enthusiasm. Wooyoung bounds over as if the difficult routine he just completed did not affect his stamina in the least. “So? So?”

“Do you want my review now, or all at once at the end?”

“Now!” they say, but Mingi stands apart from them, arms crossed over his chest. Though you can tell he gave it his all, it felt as if he was dancing on his own. 

You give them your honest opinion, grinning with them as they absorb your praise. Then, with the ice broken, they begin to come forward with questions about their individual parts. 

“Do you think I should have done it like this, or this?” San asks, twisting his body in ways you couldn’t begin to replicate. 

“I mean, I feel like I don’t have the experience to answer that properly. But both look great-”

“What about this part,” Wooyoung demands, demonstrating. “Is it too much? Not enough?”

Seongwha sits beside you, stealing your attention. “I’ve been working on my expressions but I feel like I can’t pull it off as well as Hongjoong. What did you think?”

“Alright, alright, give her a second,” Hongjoong says, sparing you from further showing your ignorance.

Eight faces stare at you as if all their hopes rest on your next words. After a breath, you give them your honest verdict, praising what deserves to be praised, and gently mentioning the few parts you thought needed something different, despite being unsure how to express what needed to change. 

The boys listen to you seriously, nodding and humming in agreement.

“But, that’s just my opinion,” you feel the need to clarify. “I really don’t have the right to tell you what’s good or not.”

Hongjoong smirks. “Stop justifying yourself. Even just telling us what you liked is a huge help.”

“I feel so much calmer now that we’ve finally shown someone,” Jongho says. “It was killing me not knowing if we were just kidding ourselves with this.”

Hongjoong rolls up his sleeves, seemingly brimming with energy. “Ready to keep going?”

They head back to their places, but Yeosang hangs back for a moment, crouching behind the couch so that he is eye-to-eye with you. 

“Was it really okay? You can tell me the truth,” he whispers. 

You lean forward. “The truth?” He nods desperately. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you the whole time. You were incredible."

The flush that spreads over his cheeks surprises you. You had been expecting a smug grin, a chuckle at the obvious boost to his ego, but you should know that isn’t who Yeosang is by now. 

He blinks, clears his throat, and stands. His mouth opens and closes, but he is unable to form a response before Hongjoong tells him to hurry up.

When the next song begins, Yeosang misses his queue. 

The boys tease him goodnaturedly as you rewind the cassette, feeling sorry if it was your comment that threw him off. 

On the second attempt, the opening goes perfectly, but you feel shy watching the boys move so sensually. You hadn’t thought bodies could look like that, create those kinds of lines, but it’s mesmerizing to watch even if you have the urge to cover your eyes. Wooyoung in particular suits this kind of dance, if only because he comes across as the most comfortable expressing himself this way. Of course, they all show their own styles and quirks with each move, but it’s Yeosang again you can’t stop watching, though you resolve not to reveal this to him a second time having embarrassed yourself enough. You admire how his style of dance subtly changes with the theme, how he adapts his movements, even his stance, to the song. 

The song ends and the same series of events unfolds: Wooyoung bounds over, and the members crowd around you, asking questions about their individual performances until Hongjoong tells them to let you think. Again, you give them your honest opinions, grateful that they are able to take the feedback without becoming defensive or egotistical. 

You begin to worry about their stamina as they take their places for the last track. The heat has seeped into the factory all day, and though the sun is no longer at its strongest, it lingers in the metal and concrete around you. You’re sweating just sitting down, and it's pouring off the boys. 

“Are you guys okay? Do you want to rest for a bit longer?”

They stare at you like you’re insane. Their smiles tell you that nothing matters to them at that moment: not the heat, not the sweat, not the need for a long, cool drink. All that matters is the performance. 

You start the track. 

It’s another explosive start, with the choreography never giving them a moment to rest. Different from the playful energy of the first track, and the sensual atmosphere of the second, this one feels like a congratulations to themselves due to the unapologetic lyrics, and the striking, difficult moves that compliment them. You admire their athletic ability to be able to complete such a physical routine after having already done two more.

In your mind, you try to place your ideas around their formation, your motivation to get started increasing as you allow yourself to believe you may really be able to help their performance after all, if you can pull it off, that is. 

Sweating, panting, smiling, the boys break their ending pose, collapsing to the ground and leaning on their knees. 

“Argh!” Wooyoung jumps to his feet to stand back in front of the mirror. You recognize a slower version of a move from the third track you remember thinking looked difficult. “It’s always this part. Why can’t I do it?”

Yunho comes to stand beside him. “You’re doing it perfectly, what are you talking about?”

“It’s not perfect,” Wooyoung says through gritted teeth, dripping sweat onto the concrete as he tries again. 

“Wooyoung.” Hongjoong’s voice snaps him out of it. “Come on, we need to hear Mono’s thoughts.”

Your back straightens at the sound of your name. After collecting a towel and a bottle of water, the boys settle into the chairs around you, Yunho, eager and smiling on your left, Hongjoong, calm but expectant on your right. You wonder if Yeosang chose the farthest seat from you on purpose. He still won’t meet your eyes. 

Once you’ve given your opinion of the final track, you feel it’s only right to compliment each of them individually, starting with the leader.  

“Hongjoong, you’re facial expressions are great.”

“Really? It’s not too much?”

“Not at all- and you have a really expressive style of dance that fits you perfectly.” He wrestles with his features, but his proud grin wins out. “Seonghwa too, your expressions kept grabbing my attention, but more than that you looked really graceful, especially during the second song.” Seongwha has an easier time accepting the compliment than their leader, nodding his head with similar pride. You continue to deliver your compliments: San for his impressive strength, flexibility, and enthusiasm, Yunho and Jongho for their precise execution of the choreography, and Wooyoung for his passion and unique style. Mingi grunts at your kind words for his sense of rhythm and strong movements, and Wooyoung’s smile doesn’t meet his eyes.

Finally, you reach Yeosang, who is tapping his foot against the floor. Your mouth opens and closes. You had been about to say how captivating he is again, but you’re suddenly overtaken by shyness. Somehow, it feels too honest to say in front of everyone else. “You were great,” you say to buy time as you think of something else. “You hit every beat perfectly as far as I could tell, and I thought it was impressive how you changed your style with each song. I thought I was watching a different dancer each time.”

San laughs. “I think Mono has a favorite.”

“Thanks…” Yeosang mumbles. “I’ll work hard to do even better next time.”

“So, you still want to be in the group?” Hongjoong asks, smiling as if he already knows the answer.

You push him gently. “Of course I do. I can’t wait to get started on all my ideas.”

“I saw all that art stuff you brought. I love the enthusiasm.”

“Can I work on it in here?” you ask Yeosang.

“Here? I guess so.” 

You hear the question he didn’t ask in his tone. Why don't you want to work on it at home? “Your dad won’t mind?”

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” Wooyoung says. He stands, throwing his towel over the back of his chair. “I’m gonna keep practicing.”

You hope you haven’t said something to upset him.

Yunho jumps up to join Wooyoung and the other members groan. “Do you guys ever stop?” Seongwha moans. Yunho shoots him a mischievous expression, but Wooyoung is focused on his reflection. 

“Well, I think they have the right idea,” Hongjoong says. “We should start thinking about how to improve from Mono’s feedback.”

Unable to argue with their leader, the rest of the boys drag themselves to their feet, spilling half-hearted words of complaint.

“Is it okay-” you flinch when they all turn to look at you. “Is it okay if I start making the costumes?”

“Feeling inspired?” San asks. 

“Very.”

While retrieving the cassette player he forgot on the coffee table, Hongjoong ruffles your hair. “Knock yourself out.”

As the sun sinks lower in the sky, the heat lessens to a pleasant warmth that saps your ability to stay awake. You fight the heaviness of your eyes as you puzzle over turning your ambitious ideas into reality.

Behind you, the boys seem to be led more by Yunho than Hongjoong with regard to the choreography, and you realize that it must have been him that came up with most of it. Between breaks in the music, they come together to talk, demonstrate and teach, and you come to anticipate the soft sounds of their voices each time the cassette clicks off. It’s much more soothing than the music to you as you start to recognize the differences in the way they speak to one another, with more respect being given to Hongjoong and Seongwha as the oldest, and their unique laughs as they joke amongst themselves. Of course, you can barely consider yourself to be ‘one of them’, sitting hunched over the table by yourself, but you enjoy pretending, and hoping that one day soon you’ll be able to talk amongst them as if you’ve always been one of their number. This thought makes you recall what Yeosang said about needing to belong, how he had felt the same way, and your heart softens as you realize how perceptive he was to recognize this within you, and how truly kind for trying to do something about it. 

“Mono.” You jump, the sewing machine choking on fabric. Yeosang leans over the back of the couch, face close to yours. “We’re all done for the day, did you want me to walk you home again?”

You cast your eyes to the others who are all in the middle of wiping their sweat and gathering their things. “Wow, how long has it been? And yes, if it’s no trouble.” Is it okay for you to be selfish like this? Is it wrong to want to spend as much time with him as you can? 

“Okay, let me grab my bike.” He pauses, noticing the delicate silky fabric you’ve been working on as a test. “That’s looking good. I can’t wait to try them on.” 

“Oh, well, you know, it’s not nearly finished, and I’m thinking I need to change how I’m doing the-” You cut yourself off, seeing Yeosang’s amused expression. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m taking Mono home,” Yeosang tells the others. “See you guys tomorrow.”

“We’re coming again tomorrow?” you ask. “Isn’t it the weekend?”

“Oh, do you have something else you need to do?” Yeosang asks, frowning. “Sorry, we shouldn’t have assumed-”

“No! No, I don’t have anything. I’m just impressed you work so hard on the weekends too.”

“There’s nowhere else to hang out in this piece of shit town,” Mingi says. “Here is as good as it gets.”

Wooyoung jumps to hook the taller boy around the neck with one arm, forcing his head to lower. “Thanks for that, Mingi, you’re always a ray of sunshine.”

“You’re one to talk-”

“Come on, you’re walking me home too. I’m feeling romantic.”

Mingi complains the whole way down the overgrown path and through the gate. The rest of you follow until you reach the road, Yeosang steadying the bike so you can stand on the spurs. 

“See you tomorrow, guys,” you say, memorizing each of their faces as they smile at you, and tell you goodbye, such a simple response promising you that this day wasn’t a dream and that you can be this happy again. 

Yeosang pushes off and a laugh bubbles from your throat as you almost lose your balance. He takes the extra strain of you pulling back on him with ease, once again reaching back instinctively to grab you. 

“Sit down!” he says, laughing with you.

You regain your balance, hands on his shoulders, turning your face up to the sky as the wind blows against your hair. “I don’t want to!”

Yeosang lets go of your hip to put both hands on the bars before standing up on the pedals. “Yeosang!” You hold him around the middle, too flooded with adrenaline and happiness to fear falling. 

He peddles faster and faster, both of you adapting your balance as the bike shifts left and right. You feel his chest rise and fall with the effort of carrying you both, using the excuse of maintaining your balance to hold him to you tighter. The wind whips past you both now, the draping branches of trees and bushes dragging against your clothes, gravel and dust kicking up behind the wheels. 

“Where are we going?” you shout, not recognizing your usual route.

“Wait and see!” You reach a short hill and realize his plan. 

Before he starts to attempt the climb, you jump off the back of the bike. “Let’s walk this bit, aren’t you tired?”

He flashes you a grin before taking off running, holding his bike to his side.

A laugh bursts out of you. “Yeosang, wait!”

With the handicap of his bike, you catch up quickly and overtake him, reaching the top of the hill first. You leap about in victory while Yeosang gives up, panting hard and walking the rest of the way.

“Yeah, yeah, you win.”

“You let me win,” you say, half-skidding back down the dirt path to help him with the bike.

Finally both at the top, you take in the view of the town. Everything is bathed golden in the sunset, turning even the dreaded school into a picturesque viewpoint. Flocks of birds fly about the treetops of the woods to the east, and sheep graze on the green grass of the tallest hill in the middle of town, bordered by unused pastures. In front of you, the hill drops in a steep decline and you trace the road until you find the brown tile roof of your house. 

You turn to Yeosang, about to ask if you can linger here for a while, but he’s already climbing back on his bike. 

“Shall we?”

You glance at the decline again and bite your lip; you can’t deny him. “We shall.”

This time, you don’t stand, but you do hold as tightly to Yeosang as you can. “You scared?”

“No.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

With that, he takes his feet off the ground, gravity giving the bike speed without the need to peddle. You feel the wind whipping at your face as you rest your chin on Yeosang’s shoulder and you almost bite your tongue as he begins to laugh.

“Faster!” 

“Faster? If you say so!”

Yeosang leans low over the handlebars and begins to pump his legs. You both scream from the rush, Yeosang’s deep voice cracking and making you laugh all over again. Pieces of gravel ping against your body and your eyes are watering from the wind, but you can’t even think of asking Yeosang to stop. 

The bottom of the hill approaches, and with it, a sharp bend around. “Lean to the right!” Yeosang tells you, “or we’ll crash into the hedge!”

Using his body as a counterbalance, you do as he asks, dipping your body to the right while he does the same in the other direction. It’s merely a single moment of effort, your fingers white-knuckled within the fabric of his shirt, teeth gritted, arm muscles working harder than they ever have, but your heart is pounding by the time Yeosang tells you to sit back up properly. 

“You did it!” he shouts, touching your clasped hands around his middle. “We-”

“Yeosang!” You point over his shoulder. 

His head snaps around, finally noticing the vehicle heading your way. It isn’t a car, but a tractor, each one of its rear wheels twice the size of Yeosang’s bike. The driver blares his horn at you, but even if they both break, you’re going too fast to stop in time. 

“Hold on!” Yeosang steers the bike to the very edge of the narrow country lane, the wheels jumping over the rocks and uneven ground of the verge. The tractor does the same, its left wheels ripping leaves off the hedges on the opposite side. Even with this, there is barely enough space for you to pass through.

With the tractor almost upon you, you close your eyes and press your forehead against Yeosang’s back, feeling him tense just as hard as you. A moment passes before the roar of the tractor’s engines fills your ears and the smell of diesel fills your nose. Something hard and unyielding rips passed your arm.

Then, all of a sudden, it’s over, the roar of the engine at your back. 

“Oh my God,” Yeosang sucks in a breath, “I-”

The bike jolts hard and you realize that your cheek is no longer touching the soft material of Yeosang’s shirt, but the gravel of the path. Pain flares through the right side of your body as you finally process the force of falling off the bike and lift yourself off the ground. You search for Yeosang, finding him next to the spinning rear wheel of the bike. He’s sitting with his legs out in front of him, leaning back on his arms with a dazed look on his face. “What just happened?”

You crouch beside him, wincing at the pain in your side, but the blood seeping into the dirt under Yeosang’s right palm has you more concerned. “You tell me! Show me your hand.”

He lifts it but you can’t see the extent of the damage with all the blood and dirt in the way. Reaching into your bag, you retrieve a half-empty water bottle apologizing before pouring it over the wound. Yeosang barely flinches, but you can feel him watching you.

“It doesn’t look too bad. Does it hurt?” you say, examining his palm. When he doesn’t answer, you look up, finding that he still has his gaze on you, his mouth pulling up at the corners.

“Yeosang?”

He throws his head back as he starts to laugh in earnest. The sound is catching and you can’t help but be smiling when call his name again.

“I’m sorry.” With his uninjured hand, he removes yours, but continues to hold it. “It’s just, I was so scared. I thought we were going to die.”

“And that’s funny?” you say, but you’re laughing too now that the danger is gone and the adrenaline in your systems is making you feel giddy. 

“It’s not, it’s not.” He sighs and examines his hand, shakes it slightly. “And yeah, it does hurt a little.”

“Is it broken?”

“Nah, just a graze. What about you?” He touches the shoulder you landed on gently. 

Not thinking, you pull down the side of your shirt to inspect the skin. Yeosang looks away quickly.

“Sorry,” you squeak, pulling the sleeve back up. “I didn’t- yes, I’m fine. I’ll probably bruise, but no broken skin.

“Man,” he says, allowing himself to look at you again, “that was so stupid.”

“It was. But it was fun too, right?”

Yeosang helps you to your feet with his good hand. “Fun enough to make almost dying worth it?”

“Probably not.”

You offer to wheel his bike the rest of the way, insisting until he accepts. You both walk slowly, the aches in your bodies becoming more pronounced with each step until you can’t wait to lie down to take the strain away.

“You don’t need to walk me home the whole way. You’re in pain, aren’t you?”

"What kind of man would I be if I didn’t?”

“A smart one?”

You exchange a look and laugh. 

“Seriously though, you don’t-”

Yeosang takes his bike from you, increasing his pace until you have to hurry to catch up. “No arguing, okay? Let’s just get you home.”

While you chat, the day grows dark, until, when you reach your house, the only thing lighting your way is the moon, its great silver face bearing down on you both. You want to ask Yeosang to come inside so you can properly clean his hand, but you have neither the medical supplies, nor the courage to let him see how you live. Don’t be a coward, you tell yourself while he says his goodbyes outside your gate. He won’t reject you.

But you just can’t bear it. If he sees that empty hallway, shoe rack with only one other pair of shoes, the master bedroom with its bare mattress and moth-eaten curtains, your bedroom, hardly slept in, void of personality and life, the kitchen you’ve never used and its barren pantry and humming fridge freezer that contains nothing more than milk and microwaves meals from the corner shop, it would be too much for you to bear. You can’t let Yeosang see that kind of sadness. You can’t let him know what an empty person he’s let into his life. 

“Mono?”

“Are you sure you’ll be okay getting home?”

“Don’t worry about me, I feel fine.” Your face crumples with worry. “How about this? Give me your landline and I’ll call you once I’m home.”

You rack your brain. Yes, I do have a phone. “One second, I don’t know the number off by heart.”

You dash inside, finding it hanging on the wall of the hallway. A layer of dust coats the keypad, but you can’t find any hint as to what the phone number would be. You aren’t even sure how you would go about finding it. You put the receiver to your ear, hearing the dial tone, confirming that you at least have a service provider and therefore a phone number. 

You search the small hallway table, but the drawers are empty. You check your room, the master bedroom, even flip through your notebook. Nothing. 

You kick the hallway table in frustration. It jumps back revealing a small yellow square of paper hiding underneath the table leg. You pick it up and yelp in relief as you read the words Our number: XXXX XXX XXX. You tear a page from your notebook and copy the number before hurrying back out to Yeosang.

“Here,” you say, out of breath as you hand it to him.

“Thanks.” He rubs the back of his neck, then winces when he uses his injured palm by mistake. “So, I should probably go. I’ll call you.”

“Yeosang.”

“Hm?”

You pull him towards you gently, wary of any injuries he may have hidden from you. “Thank you for today.”

Movements stilted and awkward, he pats your back. “I didn’t do anything, really…”

“You did. So, just let me thank you, okay?”

He settles into the embrace. “Okay. Then, you’re welcome.”

At home, you feel restless. The stillness of the night, rather than calming you, makes your skin crawl. 

You hold the note with the phone number under lamp light, reading and rereading the words. 

Our number. 

Just to be sure, you hold your notebook with your own writing next to it. No, it’s definitely not yours, but it’s similar. So, who does it belong to? Your mom or dad? Why had you never used the phone before today?

Curious, you take the receiver off the hook and hold it to your ear. You want to try calling someone before Yeosang gets home, to make sure that it works, and you’re wondering who you could possibly call when a voice comes through the speaker. 

“Mono!”

The receiver smacks against the wall as you scream, leaping back until you thump against the wall opposite. The voice was male, but the distorted connection made it impossible to distinguish anything else about him. 

But, no, there was one thing you noticed: he sounded desperate, or maybe relieved, surprised? Again, it was hard to tell, but he definitely said your name, and he was definitely not in a state of calm. 

Breathing hard, you pick up the receiver again and hold it to your ear. 

Nothing but the dial tone.

You replace it on the hook, only for it to ring, painfully loud in the silence of the house. You’re almost too scared to answer, but since it’s probably Yeosang, you force yourself.

“Yeosang?”

“Mono?” You recognize his voice instantly and slide down the wall to sit on the floor. 

“Yeosang.”

“Are you okay? You sound freaked out.”

“I just heard a fox scream and it scared me.”

Yeosang hums down the line. “I guess even things like that are scary when you live alone. Are you alright?”

“What about you? Your hand?”

“I treated it before I called you, don’t worry.” He coughs. “And I'm sorry for causing that whole thing. I was being reckless.”

“I was being reckless with you, don’t take all the credit.”

A pleasant silence extends between you, and somehow, you can feel that he’s smiling. 

“Alright. Then, I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says.

“Have you eaten?” you blurt out. You don’t want him to go and leave you here on your own.

He chuckles. “I forgot, but I will after this.”

“That’s good…”

“What about you?”

“No, not yet, but I will.” You force down the selfish desire to keep him with you forever, gripping your shirt as you say, “Then, I’ll let you eat. Thank you again for today and… And sleep well.”

“Good night, Mono.”

“Night.”

The call disconnects. You linger with the receiver pressed to your ear for several minutes, listening for that mysterious voice, but all you hear is the dial tone.