#phew this took long

[kalolasfantasyworld]

Chapters 372 & 373 opinions and analysis

Hello everyone! I'm late to the party, but I promised and simply had to give my opinion on these Silvas chapters in addition to live comments which you can find here.

I'm blaming these on my coloring and an art related to this chapter.

Let me start with saying that these chapters were all I ever wanted and more from Black Clover.

If you follow me you realise that I focus on the Silva family a lot. I actually got into this fandom, because I started writing my fic Paper Hearts, which besides being a steamy and dramatic romance is a story of the Silvas redemption and focuses on Nozel, Nebra and Solid.

I wanted to dive deeper into their characters and show them as more than just assholes, give them some depth and this is exactly what Tabata did in these two chapters.

I'm proudly admitting that my headcanons for Nebra and Solid's reasons for hating Noelle were correct 😁

And on to specific opinions 😉 I'll go per character and at the end summarise them as a four

Noelle

Simply seeing Noelle put up an amazing fight against Acier made me so happy.

"I'm not weak anymore."

Noelle had said long ago and she is correct. Our girl grew, literally spread her wings, broken her cage, threw out the keys I'm citing Song Queen of Kings by Alessandra which I associate with Noelle a lot.

She had shown us her growth and here a bit of inspiration from Asta with the not giving up trope.

Later we can see Noelle continue to care for her siblings during the fight.

The apology scene and Noelle's reaction I will go over below Nebra and Solid's.

Solid and Nebra

We see their povs which I love, finally getting to know what's going on in their heads.

Here we see fear

A painful realisation

The truth

Finally giving them the courage to join in, to help Noelle.

I'm proud of them. I'm so proud of them.

I knew they had it in them and I'm so happy I was right. Just seeing these panels made me want to cry happy tears.

More then that they want a FRESH START. To rebuild their family. Took you guys long enough (in PH this happens faster 😂) but you're finally here.

🥹🥹🥹

Solid and Nebra support Noelle with her powerful magic which is hard to control, something they would make bully her for earlier.

I think Tabata is showing us an amazing contrast, as a show of growth.

Nebra

These two panels finally give us her motivation for mistreating Noelle. Jealousy.

Once again I'm patting myself on the shoulder for having this headcanon.

I'm proud of her to finally admitting that, not only to Noelle but to herself.

Solid

Solid once again jealousy, low confidence.

But he admitted it, admitted his weakness.

Nebra and Solid

They apologised, finally.

Beautiful panel, of which I've seen many beautiful colorings and I might make my own version.

We're not in the Noelle tab, but I wanted to speak about her answer here.

She's not saying "oh it's nothing," neither "yes I forgive you for everything," or "I hate you!"

Noelle simply accepts the fact. They apologised.

This shows so much of her maturity, the peace she made with her situation, life and growth. Noelle is somebody to look up to.

Nozel

Once Nozel was healed by our lovely Pablo and the best girl Kahono he managed to get back and join his siblings. One stubborn bird he is.

This panel I want to focus on, because Nozel is finally GUIDING NOELLE. I wondered many times what would have happened if instead of pushing her away, guided by his guilt and emotional shackles he had guided her. During the fight with Megicula Nozel realised that they needed to grow stronger together. Now he is finally showing it.

Nozel learnt trust.

but also so much more by changing from his sophisticated ever changing style to pure defence, fighting hand in hand, which we had never seen him do before.

Also this quote right here is a perfect reference to when Acier asked Nozel to protect his siblings with her magic. Nozel remembers and uses his mother's words against her.

That's why later we're getting that epic panel with him saying "Isn't it right mother?"

I decided to speak a bit about his armor design and the spell itself.

We're keeping in the Silver spells trope that Nozel has, which I love. We also already saw Nozel "strengthen" his body with mercury during the fight with Kivin, so there were some hints and excited people about Nozel possibly getting an armor as well. This is certainly a hot version, even though he looks a bit like the Silver Surfer (check out this amazing and slightly hilarious art).

Nozel's armor hurts him.

I always head canoned that even though he had some immunity to his magic and with his amazing control he would protect himself, it still very much affected him, brought him pain.

I can talk a bit more about Mercury magic and it's symbolism but this might be for another post if you'd be interested. A short version I'd like to say how it's POISON, symbolising the mental poisoning of Nozel which has been happening since Acier's death.

Here it hurts him, but in a way as he says it will allow him to atone, which will help him rebuild. Clearing mental poison with physical poison.

Nozel had amazing character development and I can proudly say that he is my favorite Black Clover character, with his depth, complexity, resting bird face 😂 and all of the quirks which make him great.

Acier

Acier was strong and I'm glad they showed her this way. We got to see her amazing spells and how if she was to be fought one by one they would probably loose. Acier was one of the strongest and now amped with her paladin powers she needed to be great.

The fact that she got the water attribute didn't impress me, maybe it was to show how she's now like all of her children. At least to me it did not hit hard.

I loved how despite being changed, she continued to talk to her children, point things out. Remember this is not real Acier, more like a shadow of her but I'm glad she was still showing these sides, because Solid and Nebra could say their goodbyes as well.

This panel was everything.

Acier should be satisfied, hey that part of her which is still their loving mother is probably very happy that she used the "common enemy" trope to get them together. Jokes aside she is a great mother, who could see her children surpass her and be proud of them.

Her last words were EVERYTHING.

The siblings know they made their mother proud. They can put behind them the insecurities, everything which has been weighing the family down.

Acier's first death destroyed the family as she left the great legacy, to which none of them felt good enough to live up to.

Acier's second "death" brought her children together.

The Silva siblings

I brought these ending panels together to show you how similar they are. Notice how the siblings are standing at specific spots.

They were finally brought together.

"But you've finally become a family, haven't you?"

Yes and this is the takeaway from these chapters.

Each one of them grew, showed what they were made off and made a step to rebuild, to be a family. I'm proud of them.

Tabata-sensei I'm extremely grateful that you gave my most precious characters the ending they deserved, that you came up with their story and their development. It took time, but it was so worth the wait and I'm glad it was not rushed.

To sum up, these two were my favorite Black Clover chapters and I will reread them many times.

And my coloring at the end I hope you enjoy 💕 The new Dawn for the Silva family.

[lynxgriffin]

Eldritchrune - Meeting Noelle

Story Setup Eldritchrune Masterpost

Susie and Noelle first meet when the whole party enters the Queen's domain! Susie comes to the rescue...even if Kris was the one that orchestrated it, ultimately!

(Just a small reminder that I draw these Eldritchrune comics out of chronological order, so be sure to check the masterpost for more!)

[zu-is-here]

“Behind those stoic eyes was a man who wanted to care. Behind those bones was a gentle soul, making sure nothing would happen to you.”

[12/5] Happy birthday to Winter ☆

Winter!Sans from SeasonTale by @zelphin124

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

on "voyage of the outcast"; a psychological analysis with a look into identity, feelings of inferiority, and the glorification of self-sacrifice.

LONG OVERDUE, THIS TOOK FOREVER ?? mentally im not over his story branch and i think about it OFTEN and i have a LOT OF THOUGHTS.......... this'll actually focus less on the story branch (and the potential parallels) itself, but more on what, personally, i think could be the implications!!! 🥰

warnings :: spoilers, +this is quite long! 😭

i'll preface this by saying that . confession time!!!!!! i didn't expect a lot out of this because mostly because i was initially pretty worried about how they would connect the last time we saw xavier (at philo) with the current point in the story, especially given that we ended on a point of a cliffhanger and xavier's and mc's relationship had not developed anywhere near close at that point. but i'm actually pretty impressed with how the writers handled xavier's branch... and i'm more than grateful that infold didn't fuck it up as much as i thought they would 😭

with that said...

HOLY SHIT DID THEY GO HAM WITH THIS 😭😭

and parallels and references aside, i really am quite happy that they perpetuated something i've been waiting to look into more in-depth for a while—because i feel that in these chapters, we get to see a lot of how xavier's upbringing has really shaped the way that he carries himself. sure, we've already seen it quite a bit in his limited cards, but seeing it in the main story hits more, especially when... there hasn't necessarily been a deep level of relationship development between the two yet.

which, the branch may reference his lightseeker myths and the anecdote "when shooting stars fall" a lot, but i'm glad that this gives the same desired effect even if you didn't get a lot of his cards (especially limited ones). because thankfully it's at least made pretty clear that xavier and mc haven't had the chance to develop their relationship very much past what we know in the main story itself. they're not in a relationship at this point, which, according to the cards, seems to really only get to that point after "21 days"...

so this brings us back to the xavier that we're more familiar with from before that card. the xavier who's still figuring out how to accept the parts of himself that had become a lot more fragmented throughout the years. the xavier who doesn't know how to do it yet, but the xavier who's still trying.

i know i did go into his upbringing and whatnot in some form of detail in my lumiere analysis (here, in case you maybe want to go through that too <3), but i'll expand on that a little bit here!! so how this will go, as much as i can keep it within the outline, is something like background + personality -> relationship. overall, we'll look into how each has influence over the other, and how that ties in to what we see in "voyage of the outcast"!!

++ a lot of these may be a little complex, but with the best of my abilities i'll try to break it down so its easily digestible !!!!!!! but, like... i'll disclaimer here again with this being my own personal speculation, from my understanding of his character hehe <3 so take it with a grain of salt? maybe? whdjsjfhhs

i. background and personality notes.

long-established is the fact that xavier has been depicted as royalty. at his core, he's the prince of philos—heir to the throne, someone who is to lead philos and its people when the current king no longer can.

...but he's also not been very happy about it. he'd distance himself from his family, and his duties, as much as he's able to...

and again, what does mc see when they first meet?

—"they say he doesn't live on campus because his family background is complicated, and many people have seen him surrounded by bodyguards."

—"they aren't clad in all black as one would expect, and they keep a respectable distance away from xavier. still, these people exude an air of oppression. xavier, with his bag, is at the center of their group. it seems he's used to being stared at. the only difference is that rather than being his usual expressionless self, he appears slightly upset."

—"'you appeared to be upset, so i thought you wanted to be free.'"

—"'i wish xavier is free to do what he wants.'"

she says all these things because even she recognizes him to be trapped. this is the mc that doesn't know him, isn't close to him yet at this point—but this is what she observes.

and this is the core of what we'll be looking at this time which i would section off into: (a) the nature of a prince, (b) constraint and psychological resistance, (c) incongruence of identity, and (d) feelings of inferiority. all of that, then, will tie into their relationship as a whole !

because if in the lumiere analysis we zeroed in on how this feeling of being "trapped" affected his identity—which, arguably though, is a big point so we'll get back to it nonetheless under section (c)—this time we're going to try to look into why these issues with his identity mean so much.

i. - (a) ; the nature of a prince.

something i do wish we had (or may get) more insight into is what exactly his life was like in philos x.x largely what we know of can only be inferred, because the story is being told through mc's point of view, and technically mc doesn't get too deep into the kind of lifestyle each of the LI's have.

with that being said... xavier, in his lightseeker myths and the 'when shooting stars fall' anecdote, still does encapsulate typical princely duties. there's the formality of royalty, the responsibility that comes with a higher status... a prince is high-ranking, a prince is a noble, a prince is royalty. there's a certain sovereignty involved with the title, and in that effect—we all know that there's a certain air of elegance and poise that xavier generally carries himself with, whether that be in his swordfighting, or the words he uses (he has pretty eloquent speech sometimes), the books he reads... even little things, like the calligraphy he does, his handwriting, the slow dancing, playing the piano. he's well learned, and it's clear that he's been trained truly in the image of a prince.

and he's calm. collected. for the most part, we've seen him deal with adversities in a way that's almost chillingly calm; and for the most part, he portrays himself in a way that feels as if it's not easy to get him to lose that calm. again, it's why we as the audience tend to be so shocked when he does—maybe incredibly, even, especially with misty silhouette as of late. he gives this image of someone who does not often lose control of his emotions...

but it's never been because he wants it that way.

along with all of these things, comes the duty of being a prince.

a prince is high-ranking, a prince is a noble, a prince is royalty. again, there's a certain sovereignty involved with the title. but more than that, is the responsibility of holding such a high status.

xavier is the crown prince. he's the next-in-line. he's expected to take the throne after his father's death, and that means being able to lead and care for the people of his nation—or, well, planet, i suppose, in this case, philos. that's a heavy burden to bear. he's already likely faced with all these lessons, to exude a princely demeanor, and all that formality, and speciality, and elegance, and poise—and now he has to keep in mind that the satisfaction and the safety of this planet will fall directly into his hands when the time comes.

we know later on in his lightseeker myth that this means much more than we think it does—because it means being aware of, and accepting, and condoning the sacrifices that go into keeping philos safe, for, well... exactly that. to keep the people safe.

—"...I knew you'd catch on. However, it is a necessary duty of the crown prince. It is also the King's responsibility."

—"Xavier! Listen to me. A King cannot act on his emotions or only protect the people he holds dear. Your duty is to protect Philos. You must only do what is necessary."

his duties are outlined. he has to protect philos. he must only do what is necessary.

it may be the topic of another conversation entirely, but the whole debacle with philos is really just that whoever is on the throne has to answer: "which is it that men cannot live without? a blessing that leads to damnation, or a freedom that leads to deprivation?" [joshua rosfield and the ff16 writers, thank you for this quote that lives in my head rent free] and like, hell. that's a difficult choice to make.

it's also worth noting that although the context here is somewhat dark, this is a rule that applies to general leadership—there is not much room to be selfish, because you have to think about the people under your care, or rule, or jurisdiction. it's a responsibility that falls on your shoulders for you to bear, for you to make the right call, the right decision—that is the value that the xavier's father is trying to instill in him.

because he is the crown prince.

because he will soon be king.

and heavy is the head that wears the crown.

...only, xavier has never once been receptive of it.

i. - (b) ; constraint and psychological resistance.

we go back to, again, "when shooting stars fall", and the very clear recognition mc has of his lack of freedom.

because that's what it is.

lack of freedom.

because duty is the enemy of freedom.

and xavier, given his position, is undeniably plagued by all of these duties and these obligations and these things that fall to him-

yet, he's never wanted any of it.

though not explicitly confirmed in the game itself, the setup that's implied leads us as the audience to believe that xavier has never enjoyed his royal duties, never found that it was something he desired. it could be that he wanted many other things, but has never been allowed to enjoy these things. in "when shooting stars fall", he's often lonely; often surrounded by these "bodyguards" and rarely interacting with other people in the academy. he believes that these figures restrict him from watching the meteor shower with mc, too. it's possible to think that he's believed, all that time, that he had no say in the things that he does...

because he has to be molded into the perfect image of a prince.

that's where it comes in: the constraint.

something that limits one's freedom of action or choice.

it may or may not be what happened in actuality, but it's clear that by the time anecdote 3 happens, xavier had developed into a person with the misbelief, conditioned, that he was not allowed to do as he wished. it could be the strict training, it could be the things they might have kept from him when he was little.

but xavier believed that there was nothing that he could do.

in a sense, this brought about a sense of learned helplessness.

learned helplessness is the learned feeling that one has little to no control over a certain situation—and because of the lack of control, feelings of helplessness, or passivity, or a lack of motivation to take action, end up resurfacing. it could mean overlooking opportunities for relief, or change—it means basically accepting the situation as-is, without bothering to try to get out of it. "it is what it is." "i can't do anything anyway, so why should i still bother?"

this is the xavier that we meet at the beginning of anecdote 3.

— "I can't." "Is it because of those..." I hesitate, wondering what to call them. "People?" Xavier appears shocked, and then he nods without saying a word.

— "Don't be sad. I'll just go by myself... I'll bring your wish to the stars when I do. What's your wish?" "I don't have one." "How could someone not wish for anything?"

however...

it changes.

the xavier at the beginning of that anecdote is not the same xavier we see at the end of it.

mc makes various comments; talks about how he's smiling more, and we see him more deliberately avoiding the company of those "people" in favor of being with mc instead. he's found something he wants, and he makes the decision that this is worth fighting for. it breaks him out of that mold of learned helplessness—

only to have it ripped away from him through mc's death.

this anecdote is painful because he realizes that he doesn't have to be trapped anymore... but it's a moment that's short-lived.

and it builds.

it builds.

it's very likely that the end of that anecdote haunts him for years on end, builds up a certain sense of resentment and disdain for the universe, for his circumstances, and builds more of that rebellious nature.

when we see him in his lightseeker myth, that learned helplessness is gone.

and instead, it switches to the opposite end.

xavier is more headstrong. he's no longer passive, no longer the boy who was unsatisfied with the restrictions but sat still and did nothing. he literally walks out of his conversation with the king, and he's seen multiple times in the myth defying what's expected of him.

but because it's gotten to the point where he's at the opposite end of the spectrum...

he'd develop, instead, what would be called psychological resistance.

maybe not the concept in its entirety, sure, but the very core of it—that is, displaying these paradoxical, opposing behaviors in response to what he'd be told to do.

it's, in a way, that xavier would have himself feeling stuck nonetheless; because he's so insistent on rebelling against all of this, that the more he's told he's a prince, or that he has to do this, or that, or help philos, or whatever, he completely turns his back on it. i would argue that at this point he is being less objective of the situations and, going against the expected conduct of a prince, gets overly emotional—at this point, the only thing that matters to him is mc.

we get to see the full extent of exactly why xavier is emotionally unstable, because he keeps fluctuating between the two extremes of dealing with all the constraint he's experienced.

i. - (c) ; incongruence of identity.

it get worse, naturally.

to set the stage for this, i'd bring forth the concepts of "congruence" and "incongruence" of identity.

so when we talk about congruence, this refers to the fact that there is a balance between our ideal selves (aka who we want to be) and our actual selves (who we are currently). this means that we basically accept who we are, either that we feel like we are already our ideal selves, or we recognize that though we might not be at our ideal stage, we know how to work to achieve it. there is no conflict between who we are and who we want to become.

incongruence is the opposite of that, and refers to the imbalance of the self. who we are now is not who we want to be, but we don't like that idea. we don't know how to work towards it. it makes us upset, and we may reject ourselves completely to pursue the sense of idealism.

and xavier falls heavily into incongruence.

there's more to it—

according to james marcia, there are four (4) statuses of identity: identity foreclosure, identity diffusion, identity moratorium, and identity achievement.

foreclosure refers to committing to an identity and accepting it, without exploring other options: you'd rather just blindly accept values and ideas and identities that other people suggest, without bothering to consider other options. it's most clear that xavier falls under identity foreclosure.

(diffusion refers to no identity commitment, and no exploration of identities; there is no strong sense of who you are as a person, neither is there any sense of actively trying to work on it. moratorium includes actively exploring options, but not being able to settle into one identity. achievement is the ideal, having explored options and willingly chosen the identity that feels right to you.)

so we have the xavier who's initial identity was chosen and laid out for him without much of his own say in the matter, and because he doesn't want the identity, because it's forced onto him, he develops such an aversive reaction to it that it proves to be quite harmful to the stability of his mental state.

something i've talked about a lot, is how this state of his identity is a cornerstone to the things we see him struggle with, in the main story and in his cards alike, and especially in his relationship with mc. and it sets the tone for the xavier that we see and interact with, as well as the character arc he has to go through to grow into a better person.

once again, it pulls out the fact that he needs to learn to accept who he is as a whole. what he keeps doing is striving for an ideal, striving to become who he "should", as far away from his princely identity as possible. but it's necessary for him to realize that even the most conflicting parts of him are still.. well, him.

the more we attempt to be who or what we are not, the more we remain the same. but when we acknowledge and become what we are, we open right new possibilities for change.

it's not necessarily a matter of blindly accepting your faults and not bothering to change that, but acknowledging the parts of you that you refuse to acknowledge, because you can't just... ignore who you are. like xavier has been very keen on doing.

i. - (d) ; feelings of inferiority.

i want to preface this section by saying two things: (1) that inferiority is a word that's thrown a lot very casually, but actually means something different than what general media portrays it to mean... and, (2) that all of the LI's show conflict with feelings of inferiority, in very different ways, and this is not limited to just xavier!

and to understand what inferiority really means, we go back to the person who coined the term in the first place: alfred adler.

so alfred adler is this guy who's basically responsible for what we call "individual psychology", and the very very basis of it is that people are driven by a need to feel that they are significant, and that they belong. there's heavy emphasis on the importance of relationships and social environments, and— a person is influenced by how they interpret events that happened to them in the past.

i hope you see where i'm going with this !!!!

when we relate this to xavier... we can recall how under learned helplessness, it was primarily xavier's view of how he was treated, that he developed a sense of passivity. when things change and he loses mc despite finally learning how to rebel a little, his view changes into one stained more with frustration and disdain—so he works against the situation and rejects it.

the fact is that we as the audience don't know how he was really treated. sure, we can make inferences, but we're just about making the same inferences that mc and xavier do. it's a limited perspective. and what matters the most in a limited perspective is how it's interpreted. we can see clearly how xavier has interpreted his narrative, and it therefore results into his behavior.

so where does inferiority come in?

it does get kind of intense, because individual psychology is closely related to early childhood. so the theory goes that everyone's born with a little bit of inferiority—and then, as kids, or as babies because we strive for the attention of our parents to help fulfil our basic needs we develop this kind of habit of striving to get rid of that inferiority. baby wants food (sense of inferiority and dependance), baby cries (tries to get attention to get rid of the feelings of inferiority).

so it goes that if the child gets the proper care that they need, then problem solved. but inadequate nurturing... means the problem gets worse. we'd go back to learned helplessness, because then the child would feel like they have no control over their surroundings. and while this is normal in small amounts, if it isn't addressed, compensation is just not enough anymore.... and then they would strive for even more.

overcompensation.

and overcompensation leads to an inferiority complex.

now, an inferiority complex isn't what you might be thinking, because it doesn't necessarily just mean seeing yourself as... less than someone. in fact, it's not even about comparison, really, it's just... the feeling of not being enough. it's a lack of self esteem where the feelings of inferiority that all this started with just, haven't been dealt with at all. so it's a cycle of constantly trying to compensate, and compensate, and compensate... it's the need of someone to feel special because they can't accept themselves as flawed. (it's unfortunate, because everyone is flawed... including themselves.)

(it gets worse, because if even that gets left unchecked, it develops a superiority complex which is kind of the same concept, but instead focuses on looking for the "easy way out", like borrowing authority or luxury or power from other people and living according to other people's value system)

but, i digress, because in xavier's case, his sense of inferiority stems from the identity forced upon him. given his background that we went over, there's a lot of pressure involved... and it is once again inferred that he does not have, or does not view that he has, a good relationship with his father (one would assume, including his mother, though i don't believe his mother has been mentioned anywhere?). it's a sense of a lack of nurture; the fact that he has felt as if his needs were not being met and instead pushed aside for something like the "greater good of the people of philos", or something along the lines.

he has to do something about it.

it goes back to the cycle.

the learned helplessness is pushed aside, and he keeps doing things because he has to. and it could be due to the belief that it's what will make him worth anything.

he has to.

except instead of directing his determination necessarily towards the planet he was supposed to lead... because he's so aversive to his identity as a prince...

he directs that towards...

mc.

he has to help her. he has to save her. he'd give rise to the whole lumiere thing to save her, even despite how much he despises resuming an identity similar to the prince of philos.

he has to.

(which, side note: i do believe that his sword fighting also somewhat stems from an inferiority complex, because of the line:

"it's not that i like it. it's the only thing i've been good at since i was a child."

(implying; his need to still feel good at something despite a lack of enjoyment... almost as if compensating for something.)

ii. xavier and mc.

so what does all of this mean for their relationship?

evidently, at the time of voyage of the outcast and the general main story, none of these issues are addressed. this is not like the lumiere myths, not like 21 days, no restraint, floral blessing—this is the xavier who's still largely unstable on the inside but trying to put on a brave face.

there's a lot of things he doesn't know how to navigate.

but the one thing he is sure of is:

mc.

always mc.

she's important to him and he loves her and he has always loved her. this is the person who was the catalyst to him believing that freedom was possible.

and we've had this whole thing established, that he's so insistent on keeping her around that—he doesn't know what to be. he doesn't know what to do. he wants her around, he wants her to like him—

but what does she like?

there's too many sides of him, and he recognizes that this mc in this timeline is her own person. what should he be? he doesn't want her near whatever princely persona he's had in the past—but what if that's what she wants? he wants to show her the person he wants to be, but what if that's not what she wants?

how does he navigate that?

it's the baseline of where he starts—why we see him aloof, and vague, and a little cyptic. he wants to be careful with his words not just to protect her and not just for nonintervention principle... but also because he wants to figure out what she wants, and really wants to make her like him.

he doesn't want to lose her. he doesn't want to mess up and have her go to another guy, he doesn't want this to be a timeline where he can't win her heart.

it's there again, the determination—

he has to.

he has to.

he's doing all these things, working in secret to protect her—he can't lose her. and he's not enough, so he has to do something to compensate that. he wants her approval, he wants praise, he wants her to like him.

when we go back to voyage of the outcast, there's still a lot of that same xavier that we start with—he's still struggling with all of these ideals, the interaction of all that he's grown up with and the things that he has to learn how to navigate.

he's still a little vague, still a little cryptic...

but he's trying, most of all.

he puts in an effort.

— "Isn't there something you genuinely want to ask?"

— "Oh... You're asking if I have a hidden side to me like Soren?"

— "You must have more questions."

he's giving her a chance.

even if the way he answers are still lacking in explanation—it's a step forward nonetheless.

and they do talk about it, that sequence by the basketball court has so much to it, because in one way or another, he's still trying to express his thoughts, even if it comes out, again, still a little vague.

"Perhaps it's because he looks like a good student that makes him the best at doing things behind the scenes. After all, people don't write their secrets on their faces. The calmer the water's surface, the easier it is to hide dangerous undercurrents."

even mc recognizes it:

— "Even though I'm so close to you, experienced all these life-and-death situations with you, I still cannot seem to fully understand you."

but why i say he's trying is that, in theory, he understands what he's lacking in. at this point in the story, he knows he's doing things to mask and pick and choose what he shows her, he recognizes that it's not what he should be doing:

"But... the parts of me you think you know and the parts you think you don't know... They make up who I am. All of me, right here in front of you."

it's just that, knowledge is often different from practice.

from the xavier we see here, you get the image that he knows what he should be doing, but he doesn't quite know how to get there. he knows what he wants to tell her, but he doesn't know how to express it properly.

and it's why when we get to The kindled scene, we're pulled back into the xavier that still hasn't come to terms with himself and what he wants, the xavier that falls into the shadow of himself that can't help but be so aversive to his princely duties.

we pull together the insecurities, the incongruence— the inferiority complex.

and we end up with the glorification of sacrifice.

this is something i've always always wanted to get into, and again, similarly to inferiority, it's present in all the LI's, but xavier's really makes you think, you know?

because for being so aversive to his role as a prince and everything that philos has done/has planned to do to queen mc especially, you'd think he'd be just aversive to the role of sacrifice, in general.

(i mean, i know i would be! 😭)

it's like— if i'm already that aversive, then i'd rather find some kind of workaround to it than bother giving into the sacrificial needs of the planet, just to challenge what's supposed to be, you know?

— "A planet that uses... ... ...to survive.... doesn't deserve to be saved." [ <- do you see the aversion? there's so much hatred and disdain in this! ]

and yet, that's not what xavier does.

— "Starfall forest... will stop once it has enough power..."

— "I couldn't... I didn't protect you before. At least... it chose me this time..."

he was very clearly planning on having the forest take him. it's even further pushed by him recognizing mc to be there, but... the bottomline falls to the fact that he was willing to be the sacrifice that was needed instead.

the contradiction is there, no?

he doesn't want to save the planet, not at all, but yet he'd offer himself.

and although this falls to my personal speculation, when you draw references from his background, there's once again the fact that he grew up with all of these ideaologies. his parents were the first sources of influence—and then whoever had been with him through his growth, and trainings, or whatever else as a prince. and he was learning all these things in philos, the very planet that did use sacrifices.

and upset though he always has been about learning of the sacrifices, it's not as if the planet condemned mc for being the sacrifice... if not, well... glorified her, somewhat. they called her the perfect sacrifice—the life force of the planet. they held importance in what they believed to be "true immortality". moreover— "her duty was to save philos, because her existence worked in such a manner."

it wasn't just "whatever" to them, and they surely didn't treat her like shit just because she was a sacrifice.

it feels as if, the theme goes as "you're doing a good job being the sacrifice. your sacrifice will save us and that is worth something to be thankful for."

and even if xavier is clearly averse to the idea... again—the fact remains that he was brought up with the entire theme of sacrifice surrounding him.

we circle back to inferiority.

there's that certain sense of belongingness, or approval, that was never fulfilled in his childhood, so much that he began to resent everything altogether, enough to rebel so much, the way that he did.

but it stems from what he never received.

and while he may not care anymore for approval from the people of philos, what he does care for is mc's approval.

because again, mc is the only one that truly matters to him, the one he focuses on the most, the one he's doing all of this for.

he has to do something to compensate, he has to do something so that she'll love him.

the same line of thinking that we said earlier he'd come to terms with knowledge-wise, that he's trying to be more genuine instead of chasing after compensation and praise and compensation and praise—

but again, in this scene, it falls back.

he's lost sense of reasoning, the evol, the protofield, they're all affecting him... and we go back to that sentiment.

he has to do something. to protect her. to save her. to be...

noble.

the only issue with that is in this moment, he's faced with the prospect of sacrifice. and he's thinking, "fuck it, this will make her happy—i can save her—i can do something—it will give me some worth."

he's sucked back into that shell, and the option in front of him is sacrifice, which he's likely long grown up with surrounded by glorified opinions of.

it's his duty.

he has to.

and it's just so gut-wrenching to think about, because he loves mc so much that it bypasses even every ounce of aversion and resentment (that she triggered long long back), and he would do anything for her.

the xavier that we see in this scene is raw, and lost, and in pain....

he loves her so much that it hurts.

... but, there's beauty in the way that this teaches him firsthand what he's missing, too. he learns to trust her more, learns to rely on her more... enough so that he drops a good portion of the aloof, distant-ish act he'd been generally having after this scene.

— "Your power will keep me safe."

— "It's as if he's already at the finish line with the answers. He's quietly waiting to see if l'll join him or choose a different path."

voyage of the outcast ends on a hopeful note for their relationship, because there is the premise that he's going to start being a little more true to himself from here on.

i think it's interesting to go through this again after floof attack and misty silhouette, but there's definitely a stark contrast and some sort of progression actually involved with the way they're progressing the main story—it does feel natural, not forced, not rushed, because xavier and mc are still at the pount where neither of them are ready to be romantically involved...

but they're getting there. slowly. steadily.

and it's really nice to see the growth, that i can't wait to see how xavier will continue to grow from hereon out 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

THIS TOTALLY GOT A LITTLE MESSY TOWARDS THE END.... I SWEAR THIS IS LIKE. THESIS DISSERTATION CORE. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW LONG ITS GOTTEN WJFJWNBGEJJF BUT IF YOUVE MADE IT THIS FAR TY FOR LISTENING TO MY RAMBLES !! 😭😭😭✋✋✋✋

i think about his story branch a lot but specifically the basketball scene and the one at the end with the lil shared earphones... im gonna sob in the corner i actually want to hold him in my arms so so gently 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[pain-in-the-butler]

Out of curiosity…if Ono is your third fav Seb. What’s your Offical Sebastian Ranking™️?

Just as with the ask about the Anime Expo panel, it's fortunate for me that someone reached out, because I was thinking of making this a post on my own eventually someday anyway. What follows might be more information on my opinions of Sebastian than you care to have, so apologies in advance. Let's count down from worst to best:

6. Hiro Mizushima from Black Butler (2014)

There's a reason no one talks about this movie. It's because it sucks, and somehow I feel I can't really blame Mizushima for his performance, but... it is still a mixture of weird and unmemorable. That hairstyle does him no favors either, but maybe the fact that I find him a little bit frightening to look at should give him points rather than detract them. Off-screen, he looks like a completely normal man; somehow the film's efforts to make him a sexy butler were unfortunately funneled into making him unnerving and unappealing. And the movie is two entire hours long.

There's a lot I've deleted from my memory about the Black Butler live action film, but that lack of memory seems a sign that he should sit in dead last. Whether he's acting like a total weirdo or actually successfully impressing me, Sebastian should never be a forgettable character, and all I can think when I consider Mizushima's performance is that I never need to see it again.

5. Yuya Matsushita from That Butler, Friendship, The Most Beautiful DEATH in the World, and the first run of Lycoris that Blazes the Earth

I know some people may find this placement to be blasphemous, but honestly, the only thing I really like about Yuya's Sebastian is his singing voice, and even then I'm not that wild about it. It's been a few years since I watched TMBDITW, so it's not super crisp in my mind, but I will give him some recognition as an early Sebastian who still had little material to work with. He probably had to do some of his own legwork to adapt the character to the stage and to the original stories he was expected to act in. That can't be easy, and it makes sense that his Sebastian would be one that had to stand somewhat independent from the canon. I also appreciate that he is playing Sebastian with purpose behind his actions and not a sexyman who just serves whatever convenient purpose the narrative dictates, like Mizushima's Seb.

With that caveat out of the way, I still don't like his Sebastian portrayal. It's clear Yuya really drummed up the "I'm no one but I can become anyone" aspect of Sebastian. He can invent personas that suit the situation, like when he decides to seduce Undertaker, but as soon as the problem is solved, he reverts back to being robotic and unsmiling. You get the feeling that he's rather cold and calculating and that he is only interested in doing things that will earn him Ciel's soul. I didn't watch with subtitles, so perhaps that evaluation is misplaced, but his mannerisms dictated that energy to me.

Also, I can't get behind the sort of sexual and romantic tones that sometimes felt present, especially when real children were involved. It will always taint his work for me. There's one song where he and Ciel look at each other the entire time and it's three and a half minutes long but it felt like a year. I wanted to crawl out of my skin because it was so horrifically awkward. Stick this man in fifth.

4. Toshiki Tateishi from The Public School's Secret

So I went into this musical fully prepared to hate Toshiki's performance, considering the act he was following, and... I thought it was actually pretty decent. When I think of Sebastian in the Weston arc, I think of the "sexy professor" angle Yana kept trying to push, and I was worried Toshiki would play into that, especially considering Ciel was being portrayed by a legal adult onstage for the first time. I was pleasantly surprised! That's not what happened at all.

Though likely unintended, I would say Toshiki gives off a rather maternal vibe, behaving more like Seb does in memes: kind of silly, kind of fussy, an overworked single mother who cares for her boy. Toshiki's Sebastian was very attentive of Ciel. He was frequently pleased with his kid's impish nature and didn't seem that annoyed to be taking on extra tasks, only complaining lightly, "Even though I have things to do too!" at the end of the chores song. When Ciel came up with a plan to foil Maurice, Toshiki seemed excited to praise him and gratified to help. He was like Sebastian Lite, only a bit insidious at times, mainly the ever-attentive helper.

To me, it's the first time one of the musicals has made Sebastian feel like a supporting character rather than the driving force behind the story. I prefer when he and Ciel are both treated evenly as protagonists, but I hate it when it's All About Him. I think Toshiki's performance has a good heart and he made me laugh at times. He's not quite canon Sebastian, but I like him. I trust him not to eat the sonboy just yet. Mostly.

3. Daisuke Ono from the Japanese dub of the anime

Daisuke Ono was a part of my first experience with Black Butler, so there's something about his voice that feels like it's just right for Sebastian. And it kind of is. It's a really flexible voice, and one that is clearly giving a performance when you listen to him. He also infuses his dialogue with what sounds to me like inherent smugness, which I think suits Sebastian perfectly. Ono's performance is the most self-satisfied in nature. It makes you think of a well-fed cat licking its chops while it considers its next meal.

His voice is not sexy to me, but I can see why people find it to be. At the same time, Ono isn't afraid to give Sebastian different inflections, even ones that some might consider too embarrassing or OOC for Seb. He's a veteran voice actor and he knows how to do whatever is requested of him. Sebastian treats his career just the same: he too will do essentially whatever Ciel requires. I think Ono is a natural match is what I'm saying, especially having now seen him in person and observing the way he works a crowd so effortlessly.

All that said... Ono's Sebastian is perfect. I don't mean that as a compliment: I mean he's too lacking in flaws. Sure, he has the big flaw (okay with killing a child) but he isn't really giving "silly idiot." Ono's Sebastian is the one the girlies write about in their self-insert fiction. And for the first two seasons, that's kind of who he was supposed to be, so fine. But even when he has silly or idiotic moments, it doesn't feel quite authentic, if that makes sense? I think to Ono, Sebastian's stupid mistakes are just a fluke, quickly corrected. It doesn't feel like they're a fundamental part of who his Sebastian is.

If you consider this nitpicking, you're right! The next two Sebastians are just that good. I still consider Daisuke Ono to be a very talented and accurately-portrayed Sebastian.

2. J. Michael Tatum from the English dub of the anime

While it's possible that I pick up on more nuance in Tatum's performance because he's the only one here who speaks the same language as me, how fortunate we are to have him doing Seb's English voice. He might not actually have a real British accent, but he's just too charming not to love. To me, he has all the vocal command of Ono but is more candid in his delivery. Ono may be Sebastian the perfectionist and Sebastian the performer, but Tatum is Sebastian the butler, well settled and confident in his human role.

I really appreciate the ways you can hear Tatum's voice change notably depending on Sebastian's emotions. This is especially prominent in Book of Atlantic during the flashback sequences: an annoyed Sebastian is an entirely different sounding dude than when he's being cunning, and again when he's being subservient. And he really does have this very silky, ASMR-ass way of speaking that suits Sebastian to a T. It's inherently convincing.

And more to my own interests, Tatum's voice for Sebastian has a really paternal nature to it, and I like that. I think it adds to the complexity of Sebastian's role in Ciel's life when you can hear this caring quality in the voice of a demon that will one day kill the child he works for. He can also be snipped and punctual, and then he can be gentle and reassuring, all in the same scene. And he can be scary too... and I'm super looking forward to hearing how this plays out during season 5.

To compare him to Ono again, I think Tatum knows Sebastian can be an idiot at times, but that quality still takes a backseat to the suaveness. He's almost perfect. And I probably would even say he is perfect, if we hadn't seen perfection itself. As he is, I think Tatum is an excellent voice actor for Sebastian, and I'm grateful that we have him in the position that we do.

1. Yuta Furukawa from the second run of Lycoris that Blazes the Earth, Noah's Ark Circus, and Tango on the Campania

Yuta Furukawa. What a legend. What an icon. This is where I would say "he isn't just playing Sebastian, he is Sebastian," but Furukawa is even more than that. He's what Sebastian should be. And that's not just me being rude to Yana. Yana has flat-out said that Yuta knows Sebastian better than she does herself. She's right.

If you have yet to see Yuta perform, then congratulations: you're in for a treat. What I wouldn't give to forget my first watch of Tango on the Campania and relive that magic all over again. Yuta knows who Sebastian is with every fiber of his being. And the fact that you see him over the course of three plays means you get to witness for yourself how his Sebastian goes from being a smirking demon who lives to impress, to a creature who understands fear, hardship, and pain. And yet you still wonder: is he really learning and growing after all? Or am I too being tricked by this suave being who appears to be emotionally moved?

I'm also proud to report that Yuta plays Sebastian as a true idiot. He says silly things, he behaves in silly ways! He's embarrassing enough to make Ciel roll his eyes, he uses his brawn before his brain, and he's often surprised enough to gasp. He's not afraid to look impressed or astounded or even frightened: he wears his emotions on his sleeves, but he can hide them just as quickly. This Sebastian lives for attention from humans, but what he loves even more is learning from them — perhaps so he can become a better hunter, perhaps so he can become a better scholar. He leaves you wondering which in the most intriguing way.

And I may be biased, but Yuta to me is the most paternal of all the Sebastians. Whether or not a fatherly nature is intended, I'm at least happy to report that his Sebastian is not one romantically inclined towards Ciel. His coworker is an actual child, so there's no reason that should be an acceptable angle anyway, but it really shows in all the little ways he primps at and supports Ciel on-stage. His rapport with Reo is especially adorable and shines through in their every scene.

Not to mention, he's so endlessly entertaining to watch. He has legs for days and he can fuckin groove. He may be playing a demon but he has the voice of an angel. If I called him to my house, he'd probably fix my leaky shower. What can't this gift of a man do??

I could literally go on and on and on for paragraphs. Yana is just the same. We all love Yuta Furukawa, the only Sebastian who is more Sebastian than Sebastian and probably the best thing, in my humble opinion, to come out of the Kuroshitsuji franchise. Thank you, based Yunbastian. We did nothing to deserve you.

[litta-jpg]

i wonder how that happened

[loullipopx]

Yay I finally drew all the sailors !! 💕🩷✨

[peppermint-moss]

ok dumb question but. i loooove ur thrushpelt amv ive watched it so many times and i want to get into doing similar videos maybe?? im really new to sophisticated editing software so... how do you do that like, sun line spinning effect in the background at 1:42 and also later in the video thank u soo much 👉👈

heres how i did it for that video:

draw your sun and export it as png file

put it into your editing program (I'm using da vinci resolve)

move the anchor point into the centre of your sun

4. place a keyframe for "rotation angle" at the start of the png (or whenever you want your sun to start spinning). Wherever (or rather whenever) your playerhead is = is where the keyframe will be placed. Keyframes are how the editing program moves things around. Placing this first one at the beginning of your timeline basically = "I want this to be the start position of this png".

5. Go to the end of whenever you want your sun to stop spinning. Place another keyframe there. This basically = "I want this to be the end position of this png"

6. Keeping your playerhead on that keyframe you just put, rotate the sun png to change its position. (in adobe premiere which is the program I used to edit the thrushpelt video, I could just use the transform controls to spin it around n around and it would just keep counting how many rotations I made yaay simple. In da vinci resolve it looks like that just makes it reset back to 0 degrees when you rotate back around to the start lol So that means I had to manually type in "600" degrees to get it to rotate multiple times; like how 365 degrees would be 1 full rotation, so 600 would be around 2 full rotations.)

Here I'm showing you method 1: rotating it with the transform controls

And here I'm showing method 2: manually typing in "600" degrees in the "rotation angle" setting, and then I'm playing the video to see it spin

7. Play the video and see if you like how it looks, and adjust to your liking (to edit a keyframe, just make sure your playerhead is at whenever you placed the keyframe).

More rotations = it'll spin faster. Why? Imagine if someone told you to spin around only 1 time within 10 seconds. You might have to even deliberately slow down to spin only once within that time. BUT if they told you to spin around 50 times within 10 seconds? You'd have to spin real fast to make sure you spun around enough within that same time frame.

8. Also: To make it rotate clockwise/counter-clockwise (whatever the other direction is), just put a "-" next to the number to make it negative 600.

In that video above you can also see how because my playerhead wasn't on the exact spot of one of the previous keyframes I made, it automatically made a new third keyframe when I changed the rotation setting to "-600". Then when I play the video, we can see it first spins the same like in step #6 (because those first 2 keyframes are still the same), and then start spinning the opposite direction ("-600"). It also spins a lot faster mainly because while those first 2 keyframes are about 3 seconds apart, key frame #2 and the new keyframe #3 are like 1 second apart

(again imagine spinning around 5 times within 10 seconds vs trying to spin around 5 times within 1 second; for the latter you'd have to spin a lot faster)

(*it technically is Also spinning faster because instead of going from 0 degrees (keyframe #1) to 600 degrees (keyframe #2) which is a difference of 600 (0 minus Positive 600 yay math), it's going from 600 degrees (keyframe #2) to -600 degrees (keyframe #3) aka a difference of 1200, a much larger distance (600 minus Negative 600 yay math))

In conclusion: Keyframes are the key! lol. They are what makes everything move/change over time so they'll be your bread and butter in video editing, so try to learn more about how they work! I hope that all makes sense ;O;

[its-hyperfixation]

just have patience. it’s not how you spend the time, it’s if you waste it.

happy early birthday my beloved @bellamyblakru , i love u so much. thank u for being my friend <3

[chair002]

Decadence by J.C. Leyendecker (but it's qCellbit and qRoier)

[queen-of-obsessing]

Why The Stranger Is Actually Saruman

A Deep Dive because I've been thinking about it Too Much TM

I need to get this off my chest because the Reddit bros saying that the Stranger is either a random blue wizard or Gandalf are driving me crazy, because from my perspective, they're so obviously wrong, and here's a compilation of all the clues and hints we've been given in Seasons 1-2 that prove why!! (Quick disclaimer: I've watched the PJ LOTR movies over 5 times, and have it pretty much memorized, so I'm coming from mainly a movie perspective - which the ROP showrunners have said they want the show to remain connected to, as shown by how they reference the films every chance they get. But I've googled the backstory of relevant characters from the sacred texts/lore to familiarize myself with it.) (Also spoilers for everything up to 2x06.)

The "Blatantly Obvious" Gandalf Clues (and why they're not that obvious)

The Stranger has a relationship with Harfoots -> Saruman was also familiar with Hobbits. "Your love of the Halflings' leaf has clearly slowed your mind", and his Isengard cellar is filled with Hobbit weed. He's also shown to have a dislike for them (perhaps if he was betrayed by Nori in later seasons).

"Grand-elf", "gand", "follow your nose" -> it's not hard to believe that these are surface level red herrings, they're barely of any plot consequence and are more like random remarks thrown in to throw you off the scent. If the Stranger is Saruman these would make sense, since Saruman was Gandalf's mentor, and the films bait-and-switched them before (see: the Gandalf the white scene where he literally had Christopher Lee's voice)

"They all but confirmed it at the end of Season 1" -> then why is there still a mystery in Season 2? The writers clearly want you to keep guessing who he is. If he was Gandalf, they would've just said he was.

Aaaand, that's about it on Gandalf evidence. Not a lot, is it? No, precious, not at all, the Reddit bros lied to us.

Now let's get into the Saruman theory, starting with the four big things that Gandalf doesn't have, that the Stranger does: Rhun, Sauron, Ents, and Palantirs.

1. Rhun

Gandalf never went to Rhun. (From the wiki: "Unlike Saruman, Olórin never took up permanent residence, and never went to the east, apparently restricting his activities to the Westlands of Middle-earth[.]") He has no business being there. For the writers to send him there would be a giant canon departure, and kind of pointless. But Saruman did! In his early days, he travelled to Rhun, stayed there awhile and then returned. The Stranger travelling to Rhun was the first dead giveaway.

2. Sauron

"Is it my task to stop the fire? Is it my task to face Sauron??" (2x04) Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm 99% sure Gandalf was never destined to face Sauron. In the films, he faced a Balrog and won, which already was an intense fight that killed him, and Gandalf indirectly facilitated Sauron's destruction by guiding Frodo, but he never directly confronted him, afaik. (Again, I might be wrong and missing lore info.) But we know Saruman was more powerful than Gandalf, and he was supposed to face Sauron, but ultimately ended up aligning with him. But in the show, the Stranger is supposed to face him, and if he was Gandalf, this would be a bizarre departure.

3. Ents, nature & trees

The Stranger is heavily associated with nature, but the biggest dead giveaway that he's Saruman was the scene in 2x04 where he's following the star map to a tree branch, and tries to break it off when the tree retaliates and sucks him in (very similar to what happened to Merry and Pippin in the films, with Tom Bombadil saying exactly what Treebeard said to free them, although that line was originally Tom's to begin with). But because of this scene, they're directly linking the Stranger to Ents & Fangorn. Which is fascinating, because Saruman, before he was evil in the TA, used to walk among the trees and befriended the Ents. In the films, his betrayal of Treebeard by cutting down the trees for his army is one of the key emotional moments of the film ("a wizard should know better!!"), and is what causes the destruction of Isengard. And in that scene, Stranger/Saruman tried to harm the tree, and the tree attacked him. Seems like foreshadowing to me.

4. Palantirs

Now, even though the Stranger hasn't been linked to Palantirs and Seeing Stones in the show, we know they're there, and characters have used them many times. We also know that Saruman has one in Isengard, and would make sense if ROP showed us how he got it. Gandalf never had a Palantir.

Some other theories and notes others have made:

The Stranger is established to have darkness in him and the potential for evil. The fireflies die, "I'm peril", having to remind himself that he's good. The opening line of the entire show is "Nothing is evil in the beginning."

An emphasis on names and the importance/power of a name -> naming the Stranger as Saruman will change our whole perspective of him. The writers want us to see him as good and loveable before putting that name burden on him. (Another show I love, The Chosen, did that for the character of Judas, a notoriously infamous traitor, calling him 'the Apprentice' for an entire episode before officially naming him.)

The Stranger's magic is super powerful. The conjuring of the sandstorm reminded me of Saruman's conjuring the snowstorm over the pass of Caradhras, in FOTR.

There's a moment where the Stranger's staff dissolves when he uses his magic, similar to the scene where Gandalf dissolves Saruman's staff in his hand.

The two towers theory: introducing Sauron at the end of Season 1, Saruman at the end of Season 2, so now both heads of the towers are in play.

"i can’t shake the feeling that the actor’s intonation is pretty much the midpoint of Ian McKellen’s Gandalf and Christopher Lee’s Saruman" (ntraumintraum on Reddit)

Daniel Wayman did an Irish lilt in his voice, that Gandalf doesn't have.

Saruman has a fascinating, tragic journey of going from good to evil, while Gandalf remains good through it all. The former is more compelling for a show like ROP that's built around tragic fates + Saruman's story is still mostly untold and mysterious.

In conclusion, if he is Gandalf, I'll be very disappointed, but can live with it. It would just be a huge missed opportunity, but as of now, I'm pretty convinced that the Stranger is Saruman, and the dark wizard is a bad blue wizard.

So in further conclusion:

Update from 2x06: that Bombadil quote is kinda killing my theory here. ("some that die deserve life") it's such a famous Gandalf quote, but at this point it's so obvious that it feels like it's even more of a red herring. Ugh. idk. i'm confused. I'm starting to think the Stranger is actually Gandalf which is pissing me the fuck off. Dumbest choice ever made on the show 😭💀

Final update: I HATE BEING WRONG. JD & PATRICK YOU'VE BRUISED MY PRIDE AND HURT MY FEELINGS. I accept it, but i'm highly offended by it.

[shkika]

Do you have a post explaining your SoS = Saint headcanon (like the hows and the whys)? I think it’s a super cool theory but I can’t find anything you’ve written in depth about it :(

Yes sure!

I have realized it is extremely difficult to search through my asks related only to a specific topic oops..

My theory stems from a specific Moon dialogue. The one in the void where she explains that the solution was something beyond their understanding. A variable out of infinity that EVEN if they found, the wouldn't know to test. Basically this this finding one single thing out of an infinity of options. Not only that, but the only way to know the answer is to cross into the void and escape the cycles. Which would mean that upon discovering it, you would ascend.

Hey. Did you know that Sliver of Straw's name suspiciously much sounds like the saying "Needle in a haystack".

I've rambled about her name before it's extremely clever. I mean it literally translates to SOS while she's known for sending the triple affirmative signal and perishing.

In my theory I want to give the idea that Sliver didn't find the answer on purpose. She stumbled on it and forcefully ascended before she had enough time to explain, share or do anything more than send it out.

So then okay she's in the void. Why did she come back as Saint. What's going on?

Well the void is described as a dream. Which would mean it gives those who have departed the cycles a peaceful existence. Think of Hunter being embraced by NSH and Survivor finding their family in the home tree. Monk finding their sibling as well.

Well Sliver no doubt went through the same experience as well... however..

You can tell it's a dream. Or at least the iterators can, because they are much more intelligent. Sliver would know that her dreams aren't real. Her loved ones she sees are still stuck in the cycles, somewhere she can't reach. And she's stuck unwillingly, it was all an accident she can't escape from. And she had friends! She often bet on animal fights like a dumbass, you cannot tell me she was fully devoted and did nothing else, but work with that silly hobby in mind. It's a very goofy detail to add to her character.

I think she suffered a lot in the void. Being all alone and stuck. It was unfair to be the only one free of the cycles, especially when her accomplishment wasn't even purposeful. So she attempts to escape. More or less swim up just how we see Saint doing.

But there are in fact void worms guarding the sea. I imagine they dragged her back down. Again and again.

What goes in the void can't leave. That's a rule!

So what she does is basically destroy herself. Take herself appart in any way she can, mentally and physically so that she can ascend as something anew.

Which is where the last challenge in arena mode makes more sense. It's non canon. Sliver didn't die, because of Saint. But it is more so symbolic! She is ascended so that Saint can take her place.

It is difficult and painful, but she manages. It is also beyond cool how the motif of the game, but inverted is use for Saint's swim back to the world. I did a lengthy ramble about it here I highly recommend you give it a read, because even the music used adds to this theory! > (x) < Here it is.

All the creatures in rain world are helpless from the big iterators to the smallest of slug cats.

Sliver takes her fate in her own hands refusing to follow the world's rules, becoming Saint. This was he can give the answer to his family. To every creature he can save from the repeating cycles. Comic about that here > (x) Even if Saint's goal is unachievable he chases it anyway. Which is what makes him an echo!

As Moon and Pebbles understand.. he's the only one that can. And it is why his journey is so incredibly important. He's the only one who has seen beyond the void sea and can bring back that knowledge to others! And it's what Saint does. This is why Sliver can never return to a peaceful existence in the void sea.

[icarribooyou]

☆ marcille and sanrio ☆

[jinglyhigh-heels]

Y’all holy shit.

I just finished Do NOT Take This Cat Home, and like. Holy Shit. (I need so much fucking therapy.) (Spoilers under the cut like HEAVILY.)

First of all, of fucking course I would play this when I’m feeling lonely. Literally two days ago, I was thrown into A Mood when a coworker seemed surprised by my lack of friends. Everything feels Stagnant and I’m feeling like. Idek. And then I see this game, and it decides to absolutely Gut me with the dialogue you get if you choose ‘don’t take the cat home’ -> ‘leave’ -> ‘go back’ -> ‘stay’. “What’s the point when you’re always doing all of it completely and utterly alone? Even going home to your apartment wouldn’t help, would it…? One bedroom. One bathroom. …And one you living alone in it.” And then the cat comforting you…not speaking, just meowing, lightly pawing at you, listening as you open up even more… (verbalizing thoughts is so hard) “I really do like being alone most of the time. It’s the only time I really feel comfortable being myself, you know? …But even I get lonely every now and then. It’s easy to ignore when I’m keeping myself busy…” And phew, do I have complicated feelings about whether I actually stay ‘busy’ or not lmfao. “That’s why I pushed myself to go out today, I think…” I’ve done this, but not only out of loneliness and more as a desperate attempt to stave off the monotony of my too-big, too-empty house. “Heh, or maybe I was hoping to make a friend or something…” pfft. AHAHAHAHA. Gonna be honest, I was relating so hard to this scene that this line so viscerally shocked me it got me to laugh. I’m not comfortable with that!! I don’t know how to do that!!! At all!!!! If I were to ever gain a friend by going out, THEY would have to approach ME. And who would ever do that? “…though I guess that wouldn’t be a good idea. I doubt someone like me would make for a very good friend to anyone…” …yeah. And this complex of mine is even worse for online. Like, I’m bad at holding conversations (and initiating them, and knowing when/how to end them…), but at least in person we can be Doing something, take away from the Need for conversation.

…but anyway. Then you say: “okay, okay, maybe I won’t go so far as to say that, but…” I would. I’ve, been told otherwise from outside sources enough to know it’s not entirely true, but it really, truly feels that way to me. And that’s pretty much the end of the explicit dialogue. The scene isn’t over, but this is really what wrecked me.

But ahhhh that’s not even all of it. Not by a long shot. This scene just feels like. The easier? Shorter? Part to explain?

Because now, we gotta talk about the overarching plot of the game. And that is, escaping from an abuser/abusive situation. It didn’t really click for me that that’s what this is, until I went into the game for the second and final time, and actually read the content warnings; which, you can probably guess what it said. Before this, I thought this was a game about unconditional love, and how it can be bad for you. …I honestly still kind of thought that, until I got the dialogue about how this WASN’T unconditional love. In some abstract way I can’t describe, it made sense to me then. I, can’t even describe how now.

…but the point here is that I still longed for it, in some kind of twisted way. The ending where you and the cat groom each other? Where, in a twisted attempt to pay you back from the grooming you gave it, it forces fur to grow both in and out your body—killing you—so it can groom you? When you choose to sleep with the cat, and you stay there forever until you literally crumble into dust? WHEN YOU TURN INTO A DOLL AND CUDDLE, UNTHINKING AND UNFEELING, NEXT TO THE CAT FOREVER?? When you beg for forgiveness to the cats and puke up fish until you die, then are given the chocolate as a sign of forgiveness? (Edit: the pain just made the scraps of kindness so much sweeter. Which. Hoo boy.) Both endings where you give the cat your blood as food? The mice eating you, and the cat killing them all in turn? Even the endings I didn’t directly long for, I often found myself thinking ‘this is fine, right? I’m helping sustain this creature, so it’s fine.’ (Side note though, this is still a fictional story, so this likely doesn’t 1:1 reflect how I would feel in an irl situation like this.)

But I know exactly why I wanted this. In the face of all the horror, the terror, I still wanted this, because it was a love I didn’t have to actually put any work towards. Who cares if I don’t have the energy to initiate conversation? Initiate playtime? No matter how much it hurts, it’ll love me and keep me close in this infinite dance no matter what.

(And what makes this story so great regarding abuse is that it actually WON’T. It’ll beat me down until I won’t resist, absorb my remains, and move on to the next person. (Except I DO resist but that’s something for a discussion about the game’s plot, not. Whatever this is.))

It’s part of the reason I think I was having such a great time looking at a list of cats at my local shelter two days ago. I HAVE cats. I love them dearly! But they’re work, and I feel like I’m not doing things right with them cuz they want and need things and I either can’t understand what they want or I don’t have the energy/motivation to give it to them. But when I look at all these cats that I can adopt, everything is theoretical. I can imagine how much they would love me, how much easier it would be to take care of THIS cat instead of the (already really low maintenance tbh) cats that I already have. THIS cat will fix me. Adding THIS lovable responsibility to my list will TOTALLY make me a more functional human being!

[pinkpastels113]

my thoughts/comments/highlights on anna kendrick's call her daddy podcast episode

love that she is obsessed with bart's bees pomegranate chapstick

i want to see her naturally curly hair!! :(( im glad she's more comfortable with it now and loving it

kendrick is insecure about not having gone to college :((. i agree with cooper that if you know what you want to do and have the resources and pathway in mind to do it, you don't have to go to college but it is totally valid to be insecure about it bc of societal norms

she's been in the industry since she was 10, and she talked about her journey that is further explained in her book scrappy little nobody

her parents thought and realized that she would be okay/"she made it" when she bought her first home in her 20s and brought them to it

brittany texts her "i know you're not gonna replyy but-" a lot

"brittany brings the party, i bring the grumpiness" "please call brittany if you need help with party invitations"

pp4

she has no idea if it's happening

if rebel is adamant about it she would do it

everyone is so busy and successful that it's impossible though to get everyone in the same room but the best reason for her to do a pp4 would be to have and be with everyone in the same room again

HAHAHAH HER GAY/joking PANIC ABOUT KRISTEN STEWART

she didn't tell anyone that she was doing alice darling when filming and even for a while when it came out bc she didn't want anyone to tell her to not do it. bc she just got out of an abusive relationship herself

she literally went to couples' therapy with the abusive ex and thought she was crazy in front of the licensed professional omg

she doesn't have a clear answer for "what are the universal signs of a red flag in a toxic relationship" bc how are you supposed to get into the mind of someone who is trying their best to hide them and emotionally manipulating you? you also don't spend your life looking for those red flags, they just happen like bear traps in a forest (lmao pp2) sooo it's really hard. also sometimes, people question their own memory and sense of reality and have "did this really happen" moments afterwards

she thinks her ex truly believed that he was doing nothing wrong and that she was the crazy one. bc he is not an actor or performer

cooper: it's so hard being with someone that you love for so long and then it suddenly turns abusive or manipulative, like you can't just leave when someone says "why don't you just leave"

cooper: i think it would be weird to not be affected by someone that manipulated you in a way (even years later) bc it distorts your reality

it felt like jumping a cliff suddenly pitching herself to be in charge of the woman of the hour movie. she's terrified that she's "the most experienced person there"

the camera angles in the parking lot scene truly portrayed the dead silence and terror and anticipation of a woman walking alone in the dark in a parking lot with nobody else around

there were a bunch of scenes in the movie where she was glad/noticed how being a woman director made a difference to how it would be portrayed and understood by female audiences about what exactly is happening. she is okay with the 20% of male audiences who prob wouldn't understand

kendrick is very avoidant and not in the mood for dating right now; she knows she has prospects though

she will not even go into a conversation with a man romantically if he has not been or currently in therapy. if they do start something she wants them to do couples therapy despite her previous experiences with it. it is not a guarantee of anything tho!!

what do you bring to a relationship?

anna: i will be the bodyguard and tell the waiter that they got the wrong order. i feel like i'm compensating for my short height

she feels like her humor is so dry sometimes that people mistook it as she being dead serious when she was not.

[bruhstation]

Random question for Casa Tidmouth prequel What's the love story between ten cents and zip?

you’re in for a ride. welcome to another installment of senja v. b. heterocaine’s “doomed queer couple” series

before I start this incredibly long love story between two of bigg city harbour’s most struggling youth, it’s probably necessary to read about ten cents’ and zip’s relationships with their respective captains (here and here) because their influences are integral in shaping their relationship. you have? now let’s go!

ten cents and zip first met two weeks before the events of sunshine (episode 1). ten cents has been working for the star fleet for at least three months now. he was still brash, impatient, and immoveable by anyone besides captain star and hercules. it was also zip’s first day at work. besides being trained (more like impatiently taught) by zorran about how to work at the harbor and the culture of interacting with his z-stacks coworkers, zip didn’t know what to expect of the star fleet. captain zero did tell him that they’re folks not to be friendly with, so zip stuck to that. whoever captain zero hated, zip will also hate.

so there zip was, with his newly christened tugboat. as soon as ten cents and his coworkers spotted the z-stacks’ number 5, ten cents was not pleased. at all. four z-stacks was nasty enough, so another one? ten cents hadn’t even talked to him or know anything about his personality and he’s already developed a dislike towards the new z-stack.

zip’s mouth was out of control. he was saying some of the meanest (yet emptiest) things because he quickly picked up on zug’s habits as well as letting himself get dragged everywhere by him. ten cents also didn’t like zip. whenever zip shoots an accusation or makes fun of ten cents, ten cents shoots back a response in retaliation, resulting in zip always shrinking and retreating. in ten cents’ eyes, zip is just another cunning z-stacks in the making. his naivety and capability to ONLY parrot what was said to him were frustrating. so what if he’s just a spineless newbie? what became of zip wasn’t any of ten cents’ problem. to ten cents, zip was trouble. to zip, ten cents was an enemy.

still at the start of the story and things are already muddy. ten cents was incredibly stubborn and impatient, already assuming the worst and letting his personal dislike for the z-stacks cloud his judgement. zip, despite his inability to be a genuinely malicious person, has exhibited signs of him possibly following the cloudy path of captain zero. their dislike towards one another were further amplified by their respective captains’ influences.

then they met each other outside of work for the first time. it was a particularly slow day, so zip was told to buy groceries by captain zero (designated z-stacks errand boy). he then stumbled upon ten cents who was sitting on a bench near the bridge cafe and doing crosswords on the morning newspaper. ten cents was avoiding captain star’s presence for the day so he can have some time alone. zip looked at him, curious, but was driven away by an angry ten cents. stammering on his excuses, he quickly ran away.

their second, third, and so-on encounter wasn’t any better. ten cents grew out of shouting at zip and just shot glares at him. there’s even a moment where ten cents directly asked zip what his deal was, to which he replied that he’s just wondering what ten cents was up to.

ten cents: and how is that any of your business, eh? wanna snitch on me? zip: oh, a man c-can’t even be wary of what his enemy’s up to anymore?

ten cents just pursed his lips at that and went away. any anger or assumption of villainy that he had towards the newest z-stack dissipated. what a weirdo, he thought.

eventually, ten cents realized just how bad zip was at maintaining his “devious and scheming” front and that he’s most likely a young man who got mixed with the wrong crowd. his annoyance turned into… fondness? amusement? anyways. the next week, ten cents could feel zip’s stare at him from the shop’s window, so he eventually got zip to come to him by calling him over to the bench (“you ever do anything besides running errands for captain zero?”). there’s still tension in the air and ten cents wasn’t even sure that he’s making the right choice by calling zip over, but they bonded over the hard crossword puzzles. they shared quips and banters, though they both notice the lack of malice whenever they make fun of one another.

there’s an unspoken understanding that their respective captains won’t be happy to see them together, so they bid farewell after a while. ten cents and zip felt something odd. one felt fun being around the other. they also began to be more amicable at work instead of showing hostility, much to the confusion of their peers (and displeased eye rolls from zug and zak). they met outside of work again and ten cents noticed a pattern on the time zip usually went out and how he’d always go out at least twice a week.

they gradually warm up to each other and start hanging out more and more. it gradually went from coincidental to planned. ten cents enjoyed zip’s interest in the things he enjoy, while zip enjoys having ten cents around and talking with him about things not related to work, mainly because there’s nobody in the z-stacks that’s his age. just teenagers being teenagers.

ten cents learned that zip likes reading children’s books and aesop fables. some of his favorites are pinnochio and the country mouse and town mouse story. he also began to like doing word puzzles like crosswords and word searches and was still learning how to read and write. zip learned that ten cents likes drinking coke, playing card games like blackjack, and exploring/learning new places and things “like folks with money”.

ten cents promised that he’ll teach zip anything that he wanted to know. how to let loose a little bit. he taught zip how to attract pigeons at the dock. he taught zip how to open a can of cola with his teeth, how to (incorrectly) use random objects they found near abandoned schools, how to float on the water, how to sneak into cinemas, how to dance, how it feels to have a friend, and so on. ten cents just wants to show zip what living is really like despite being stuck under his captain’s tutelage himself, and he didn’t know exactly why.

they understand that they share a lot of similarities. the one clash they have was about their captains. ten cents dislikes captain star’s way of running things and generally has a really complicated way of viewing him, while zip, who has rose tinted glasses equipped for captain zero, didn’t understand why he dislikes captain star. every child are obligated to love their guardians. that’s just how things are. those are what zip thought. this didn’t sit well with ten cents who was actively seeking freedom for himself without captain star at his ear all the time.

unfortunately their respective captains weren’t exactly very fond of them being buddy-buddy with each other. captain star believes that ten cents is getting more out of hand, while captain zero dismisses zip’s feelings for ten cents as naive and foolish. not to mention how their captains are divorced from each other. that’s definitely affecting what they taught about love to ten cents and zip.

captain star @ ten cents: I’m trying to put you in the correct path, but here you are, fraternizing with someone from the z-stacks. I want you to be happy, but what have you been doing? captain zero @ zip: what you have for him is MERE teenage infatuation. if there are other people in your place, he would befriend them instead. that’s not TRUE camaraderie, boy.

ten cents didn’t take into account what captain star said. he knew that he’s dead set on wanting to hang out with zip more. besides, despite being a bit wary, some of his friends were supportive of him, especially sunshine and hercules (who also slips in money so ten cents can take zip out). hercules even took ten cents and zip on car rides. sunshine and hercules were no snitch.

zip, however, was still influenced by captain zero and believed that anything good he has will eventually go away. all of these gave their friendship a lot of ups and downs, not to mention how they disagreed on a lot of things as much as they agreed with. zip’s loyalty to captain zero still outweighed his friendship with ten cents even though they’re getting closer.

zip had mentioned several times how much he adore and love captain zero like one does to their father, yet all ten cents know about the z-stacks captain through zip was how slimy and morally questionable he is. zip was so happy when he recounted the times he went shooting birds and handling rabid dogs with captain zero, when captain zero taught him how to handle guns and how he “””affectionately””” called zip “boy”, when he watched his z-stacks folks fight a bunch of drunk thugs, and so on. ten cents also learned that zip’s name was given to him by the z-stacks, not by his parents or anything. why were all of zip’s stories so… odd? yet zip said it all casually as if… he didn’t understand the weight of those sentences he’s said.

ten cents: heheh. what’s so good about living with captain zero, anyways? zip: wouldn’t you like to know! I get three meals a day and have a place to sleep. I also get money for my hard work. oh, I’m practically living the life! ten cents: ten cents: hey, that’s… uh. that’s the bare minimum, zip. zip: huh? oh, alright. ten cents: zip: zip: so, um, wanna go cool down by the beach? ten cents: sure, zip.

which is why ten cents was horrified to hear zip easily say “people end up miserable at the end of their relationships.” during one of their hangouts. ten cents’ habit of lashing out when he’s frustrated was starting to boil, but he got ahold of himself and just nodded to what zip said, incredibly disappointed. he did know something more sinister was at play here. the remainder of the hangout was awkward, so they went their respective ways and didn’t hang out for a week, though they still greeted each other at work.

they then found themselves missing each other. ten cents still spends time with his best friend sunshine, but sunshine already knows everything there is about ten cents. zip got bored and fidgety with his significantly older coworkers because all they talked about were barges and contracts (sans zorran and zebedee who had shown some semblance of worry for him). captain zero became more paranoid and demanding of everyone, especially zip whom he needed yet barely cared for. zip thought hanging out with ten cents was fun. it felt good and natural. this was a friendship that was not influenced by the state of their respective companies’ rivalry. zip wanted more from what he has with ten cents.

zip believes that ten cents was purposefully avoiding him. he confronted ten cents and asked why they weren’t seeing each other as much lately, afraid of not being friends with ten cents anymore. ten cents told him that they’ll always be friends. friends have their disagreements. so they talked. ten cents told zip that he should be more careful in taking into consideration the things captain zero had taught zip (he knew he had to use words that zip can both understand and not get offended at) and he didn’t want zip to get himself into danger trouble. zip nodded. he told ten cents that he’s beginning to question captain zero a lot, being uncomfortable because zip realized that the z-stacks might not like him as much as he liked them, and felt like he didn’t belong in the z-stacks… but zip brushed them all off as him being a stupid boy. after he’s done, ten cents pulled zip into a hug slowly, as if he doesn’t want to shock him, as if he’s telling him that he’s not stupid and that he’s wrong about a lot of things. zip was still confused, but he knew full well that the hug felt nice. he liked the hug. their relationship seemingly took an ascending hill from that point.

ten cents didn’t want to ruin the friendship they have because he treated zip as a ray of hope of living like a “normal” young man, while zip was still hauled by captain zero’s belief that he’s destined to be miserable if he pursues this relationship. it didn’t help that zip knows he’s in love with ten cents but didn’t know how to process it because nobody taught him what a healthy relationship is like (then zorran came into view, having warmed up and bettered himself throughout the course of fortezza bigg city).

on one of their hangouts, in a field a bit far from bigg city port, zip blurted out that he loves ten cents in a romantic way. he’d always feel genuinely safe and happy whenever he’s around the star fleet youth, saying that he wants ten cents to keep teaching him fun things and always be with him. ten cents, though initially surprised at the absolute courage zip had at saying something so bold, quickly reciprocated. they had a feeling that they’ve been in love with each other for a while. zip wanted ten cents to teach him how to be a good partner in a relationship but ten cents said that they can learn together. they can take it slow. they don’t have to do the things people in relationships do when the both of them aren’t ready yet. ten cents admitted that the things that he had taught to zip were also things he had little experience prior. zip laughed, and once again, they shared a hug.

this time, it was zip teaching ten cents and bringing him to places. their relationship had little change compared to their friendship except that they’re more touchy feely with each other – ten cents putting his hand on zip’s shoulder, zip resting his head on ten cents’, hugging, hand holding, all that – considering that they’re now dating. they eventually kissed when zip asked ten cents to kiss him, although awkwardly and shyly (uncharacteristically so from ten cents’ side), but felt good, it felt right. 

they kept their relationship mostly a secret because they know not everyone will be happy with it. sunshine fully understands, both because he has ten cents’ full trust and knows what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone that not many people liked (that is bigg city port’s harbinger of bad luck). hercules too. he believes in their decision but still made sure the two boys weren’t doing anything stupid. zebedee and zorran were more lax with their youngest coworker dating someone from the star fleet. zebedee didn’t pry too much on zip’s business but he did ask from time to time how ten cents was doing. zorran, on the other hand, was more fussy – wanting the best for zip and to stop him from spiraling down like he did, but he knew that a certain someone has his eyes on them. captain zero would NOT be happy. they mostly try to keep zak and zug from snitching to captain zero… which would later produce a domino effect on the z-stacks’ security.

ten cents and zip’s relationship didn’t always go smoothly. they love each other – it’s just that the environment they’re in aren’t exactly in favor of the relationship they want. captain star still keeping the star fleet in the dark about his past, zip slowly losing faith in captain zero and purposefully not allowed to know that captain zero has criminal relations and the z-stacks are in cahoots with him, johnny cuba with his blackmail, the police growing more wary about the criminal activities infesting bigg city port, the possibility of captain zero having to run away if his cover gets blown, ten cents knowing full well that zip is going to be caught in the crossfire if captain star decides to take action yet not knowing how to say it to zip properly…. and the fact that they’re in the great depression. just all around not a great time 

(there’s a plot point in fortezza bigg city where captain zero’s past relations caught up to him and zip eventually had to pay a visit to the star fleet in their office building, but it’s WAY too long and hard and tragic to explain. this is a long story. thanks for being patient)

at the end of the story, both ten cents and zip have changed significantly. ten cents is more mellowed and patient – willing to understand people who are not exactly as “right” as he is. zip is no longer the naive, easily influenced young man that idolized and looked up to captain zero. despite what captain star had put upon him, ten cents wished he was better. despite what captain zero had done to him, zip still loved captain zero. 

but it’s alright. they know they have someone that knows what they went through. 

(there’s also a couple of fics I’m writing right now related to zipcents. one involves them and school, while the other is heavily zip-centric)