#I just made a few small changes
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Charlie Morningstar Redesign !!
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel charlie#charlie morningstar#she’s one of the few characters designs I actually really like#I just made a few small changes#like giving her a tie instead of a bow#and buttons on the blazer#I also softened the colours a bit#one thing I had in mind the entire time was her silhouette#I wanted to make sure it wasn’t muddled#I think I did alright#my art#redesign
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everybody say happy birthday to him right now
#i love her so much#technically shes a few weeks older than that cause i made her as a guardian(?) originally and then remake her into engi#small changes to her design but nothing major..................... just her teeth and pattern a little bit#nero wolfcaller#my art#charr#guild wars charr#gw2 charr#gw2#gw2 art#gw2 oc#gw2 ocs#guild wars 2#guild wars oc#guild wars art#guildwars2#guild wars
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Journal 3's references to Stan
(...does the Lost Pages count as J3 when some had to be in J2 and also may or may not be a truth lie turducken? idk. Ford's TBoB letters sure as hell don't count as J3 but I'm including them here anyway)
Pre-Portal Ford
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"Although my family tried to convince me that [having six fingers] made me special (and it did help with shadow puppets)"
"It would be quite interesting to see what my brother and mother would act like while wearing [the truth teeth]!"
"It occurs to me that if I must keep secrets from F, I might as well begin writing certain passages of this book in code. I aced Cryptology in college, so this will be fun! (At least for me. It would be deeply tedious and annoying for someone trying to decipher it.) It amuses me to think of their frustrating effort!" (ok this is likely for the reader and likely ain't a direct stan reference. but like. it is to me)
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"When I sat down, [the fortune teller] quickly grabbed my hands and said, "What took you so long, Sixer?" I felt a chill run down my back. How she knew my childhood nickname was beyond me"
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[Blacklight Hiding Places page] "Journal 3: The volume I hold in my hands. Describes my embarrassing defeat at the hands of Bill and the loss of my very sanity. Also contains a pretty good drawing of a plaidypus. Will soon be bestowed upon S and hidden at the ends of the Earth (I hope).” (he wrote the wrong journal to give to Stan lmao)
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"The time has come to bury this tome. After that, all there is left to do is wait for S. And save the world. Or lose my life in the effort."
Post-Portal Ford
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"Walking around my old lab, I feel like a dead man's ghost haunting a strange fun house mirror version of his past life, I resolve to take back my home and rebuild the life that Stanley has taken from me."
"The strangest thing about [Soos] is his utter idolization of my brother Stanley."
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"[Mabel] Shares the family sweet tooth. Diet seems to consist solely of items with the word 'gummy' in them. I will need to discuss nutrition with Stanley."
[Dipper] "Observations: 1) Constantly sweating. Perhaps he takes after Stanley. (...) 4) Rank odor. Clearly hasn't bathed recently. Stanley should never be put in charge of children!"
"It is just as I feared; apparently, Stanley's reckless use of the machine overtaxed it and ripped a tear in the dimensional fabric- the same way an overheated oven might burn a hole in kitchen linoleum."
"Containment dome- A home for the Rift. Admittedly, I was inspired by the snow globes in Stanley's gift shop."
"When I tried to share my burdens with my brother, he knocked me into the portal, separating me from my home for 30 years."
"Stanley always mocked my love of [DD&MD], and even some of my college friends called it "Girlfriend Repellant.""
"Well, the harm in showing the [infinity sided die] to Dipper turned out to be quite large. During one of our games, my hotheaded brother got his hands on it and accidentally conjured this jerk."
"I'm proud to say that the Pines family was able to beat the wizard at his own game. Stan's contribution was (of course) to cheat our way to victory."
"Ironically, in the multiverse I'm just as wanted as Stanley! But my crimes had a noble purpose"
"Stan would have loved this place, but it just made me depressed. Although I had a good run in the Gambling Dimension, the dimensional bouncers ended up kicking me out for counting cards! What are the odds?"
"[The Oracle] looked deep into my eyes and said I had the face of the man who was destined to destroy Bill."
[A Better World] "On this Earth, I was never pushed into the portal by Stan. On this Earth, my brother listened to me and took Journal 1 away from Gravity Falls."
"I reentered the world of my youth to face a brother I had not seen in 30 years. My frustration was indescribable- once again, my brother's actions had sabotaged everything I had ever worked toward."
"To help Dipper understand, I borrowed Stanley's car, and we drove until we reached the town border of Gravity Falls."
"I suggested it would be a good time for Stan to take the kids on that road trip he's been talking about while I puzzle over [the cracked Rift]"
Post-Weirdmageddon
"I bristled at the idea of sharing my accomplishments with anyone. I shunned my brother for one dumb mistake, and I shunned Fiddleford for having the nerve to try to stop me from dooming the world."
"I just couldn't get over the idea of myself as the lone hero.. and it was Stanley who paid the price."
"Trust shouldn't be given unconditionally, but it should be given a chance to be earned. There is strength in having the humility to work with and sacrifice for others- a strength I now realize was in my brother all along."
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"When Stanley and I were kids, we would often read tales of the Sibling Brothers- about two boys who dedicated their lives to exploring mysteries together. With a new anomaly to investigate, I've been thinking about those tales more and more lately."
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"I had suggested to Dipper that because of all the misfortune caused by them, we burn [the Journals] in the last campfire of the summer. Mabel, Soos & Stan all seemed very excited by this notion."
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"You hold a record of one man's folly and the kindness of a family that saved him from himself. It's never too late to learn that growing old doesn't have to mean growing up."
Lost Journal Pages
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"My stomach sank a bit when I realized... it was my birthday. This day has felt... odd, since S and I... parted ways."
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"DAMN! This morning I found F rummaging through my old copy of Urban Legends of New Jersey, where I had forgotten I had hidden some old personal items! I've quickly re-hidden them here, away from prying eyes."
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"The snow has begun to fall again and there's very little time. There's only one left I can turn to to protect my journals while I prepare for the journey..."
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Ford's Letters
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"I emerged from my lab after days of agonized contemplation to find- to my shock- that Mabel was reading the book, out loud, to Stanley, Dipper, Soos, and Wendy!"
"They didn't see me as an irredeemable screwup. Stanley said, "So, your past is just a giant pile of mistakes? Congratulations- you really are a Pines!""
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(It kinda strikes me that the BoB Lost Journal pages about Stan sound far more like post-portal Ford's opinions on Stan instead, where he's openly angry at both being pushed into the portal + at the portal being opened again + his murder suicide attempt being foiled + Stan disowning him + turning his house into a tourist trap + taking his identity vs pre-portal Ford being more... melodramatic(?) constantly being reminded of him but not wanting to linger too long? idk the vibes are different
Plus pre-portal Ford pretty consistently only calls Stan "S" or just refers to him as his brother (with the exception of him writing his name in a Caesar cipher) ...not to mention the perpetual motion machine comment says thirty instead of ten years)
Bonus:
[Journal 1 Mr What's His Face cipher] "If he gets my face, Stanley has a spare!"
#i think ford does slip up once about writing fiddleford's name tho#gravity falls#stanley pines#stan pines#ford pines#stanford pines#journal 3#the book of bill#stan twins#'me and my brother' you mean 'my brother and i'!!! grammar ford!!!! you fool!!!#the dream hipster nightmare my beloved he was so close to confronting that guilt#the blacklight pages does mention the tinfoil hat thing and small world song parody which is in BoB too#the jersey devil story changing locations probably because its more fun for it to be set in town#instead all of it just having the same setting of a forest + the sibling bros being made into rivals#man we desperately need more post tbob ford cos rereading pre weirdmageddon ford is just depressing#and immediate post weirdmageddon ford still feels like he's finding his footing#i want more of the stan twins teaming up to be assholes to others ksadhksjdhsa that joke to dipper was mean i love that for them#ford: these journals are haunting me like a curse!#bill about to hit him with a book that actually haunts him in a few weeks:#also not me only just realising that ford's 'growing old doesn't mean you have to grow up' line is what stan says in D&MVTW#stan and bill both having 'growing up is optional' lines im chewing on the dry wall#i have been wrestling with the 30 image post limit this whole time....
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Got inspired to revisit this FEH comic redraw I did when it first dropped! Specifically these panels:
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Ended up freestyling that second Xane though LMFAOO he is just so impish to me...
If you wanna get Old Art Jumpscared I'll also include the original sketch under cut!
AAAAAAAAA JUMPSACRE AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
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In a way though, I'm glad that I dropped it and picked it up again later... like I feel like this isn't even from that long ago (guy who has no sense of the passage of time voice), but the characterization and even design of Moe is so different. The Scrunch and :< face were game changers for it LMFAOOO (also just making it autisticer 👍)
Beyond that I think everyone looks a lot better and closer to how I envision them, esp Loki!
#fire emblem#feh#please do not the moe. it doesn't like it :(#TRIED. to capture that really pretty hair gradient that's in loki's mythic but idk if i got it#i am really satisfied w the little changes i made to xane's pallette though! his halloween alt is just. So Red LMFAO#WHICH. UNDERSTANDABLE. that is his signature color. i feel like just a few changes pull it together more though#which does tempt me to do a full body art of him...... but don't hold me to it LMFAO#ALSO DAMN....... moe interactions with other charas that aren't the askr siblings/unofficial extended family.......#like in universe it probably happens frequently/casually but. it's rare for me to actually draw it LMFAOO#i just.... always have the askr siblings on my mind.......#also i am just deeply in love w alfonse here like. this WAS the initial pose i was imagining when i first drew this#i ended up cropping it so much though. wasn't as skilled in Drawing Really Small yet#also just. i feel like there's more layers here w the updated moe characterization like. he's not just In Too Deep for the summoner#he knows it really doesn't like that (being touched ESP without warning/permission).#like beyond his own feelings he has a reason to be so intensely protective. which i'm also sure#is what he tells himself.#they just have a really funny dynamic. that i hope shines through every now and again! 😅#fe alfonse#fe xane#fe loki#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics
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It has been brought to my attention that my Wish rewrite is being seen by people
And I want to add something I didn’t in my original post
Of course it would be in 2D— a celebration of Disney’s 100th? No other option
LOOK AT THIS PICTURE
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(Click for better quality bc I see other people say that)
LIKE IMAGINE ASHA IN THIS STYLE
A COMBO OF CLASSIC 2D AND THEIR 3D ANIMATION
BUT LIKE
WHY DID DISNEY TURN 2D DOWN
#i mean i do like the watercolor aspect#but the shading was off in some areas#like those ai filters over things on TikTok#you know#anyways#i actually adored the movie#but a few changes would’ve made it worthy of being disney’s 100th anniversary celebration#the songs were sick though#but just a small edit to this is the thanks i get?!#i made a post about this#chris pine gave it his all#the singers were amazing#and dahlia was disabled rep!#but imagine seeing it all in 2D#a step into the future while celebrating the past#ahsjsjsjjsjsjsjs disney#disney wish#walt disney#disney#disney 100#disney animation#wish 2023#wish disney#wish movie#princess asha#king magnifico#queen amaya
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Little Roxy colors edit I made yesterday cause I wanted to see what her normal render would look like with the purple fur her cutouts have in Ruin
Alt without lipstick cause I'm on the fence about the purple but can't make any other color look decent
#Chip Chatter#also changed a few smaller details cause I wanted to tie her colors together a bit more#her having two different nail colors never made sense to me..#just make all her nails green it matches with her green hair bit#also something something have the same color on the bottom of the design as the top of the design to tie the colors together#dunno how accurate that tip is but I heard it awhile back and it hasn't failed me yet I don't think#also the gold accents to match her eyes cuz it looks nicer than the grey/white imo#anyways love Roxy no matter what<3 just some small changes I made 4 fun
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daily whistlebreeze until fo becomes PoV day 1448
you know how sometimes your sister brings in an exiled war criminal from another clan whom she's also dating
basically: If I Had It My Way with these characters
#warrior cats#whistlebreeze#songleap#harestar#fognose#songmyrtlefog#<- she's not in This drawing but she's a part of the polycule <3#(and I refuse to accept the supposed father of Myrtle's kits in CS. it is an incredibly stupid decision and I will ignore it blatantly#those kits (if I bother with their existence) are SongMyrtleFog kits and I won't take any criticism)#anyways I was very mad when Fognose and Breezeheart were exiled at the end of Star#it's stupid and boring and fucking PODLIGHT wasn't even exiled so how is this fair?#I can accept Fog and Breeze being supporters of Splash but it's done in a stupid way and it reeks of misogyny that only Breeze and Fog#were suddenly made Splashtail's Supporting Goons and exiled when PODLIGHT was RIGHT THERE#(and also obviously my polycule :( they made my polycule hard to excuse)#and why would FOGNOSE support her goddamned brother when he's threatening to kill their siblings#if Splash hadn't done that I would've been kinda okay with that but he tried to kill her little siblings#it's STUPID#so I refuse to accept that <3. Fognose just left RiverClan because she was disgusted by it and to be with Song in Wind#(and if I have to abide by that stupid banishment; she's come to regret it and wants to return but knows River won't be that place for her#so she's come to ask WindClan for a place to live instead)#(anyways see me do a few more things about the SongMyrtleFog polycule soon because I love these three girlies a lot#and I have PLANS)#the daily whis universe is mostly canon-abiding (unfortunately)#but I do want to take some creative liberties to make it more pleasant for me personally#like the sister powers I gave Whis (through Oatclaw being a Sister Kit) or the StarPhone#and this is one of the other small changes that don't impact the story a lot but I can do whatever I want <3
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Your nails look so pretty! If you don't mind me asking, I've never mixed nail polish colors before but now I really want to. Is it that you later them on top of eachother, or do you actually mix the liquids before applying? And if you mix the liquids, do you pour them into some other container? How do you know how much to use? Do you use an eye dropper or some other kind of tools? What do you stir them with? Sorry that this is a lot of questions 😅
Omg... It's less complicated than you're thinking! It basically goes like this for me, for when I want to make myself a Whole bottle of a color: I'll use a not-new bottle of polish with a base color I don't really like. I had a bottle of bright yellow that I didn't really like the formula, and I didn't really wear the color. Then I just kinda. reach for other polishes and pour them directly into the bottle! arbitrary amounts at a time. For the goldenrod color, I used some really bright orange, a couple drops of black, some neutral jelly polish and a few drops of white. I also normally add some drops of polish thinner, if the polish has thickened, but it's optional tbh. As far as mixing it together in a nice homogenous way, most nail polish has a couple of small steel balls in the bottle, specifically to mix the polish up! So, if you're shaking up a bottle of polish and you hear clicking, that's what that sound is. I just shake the shit out the bottle until the color evens out, and I swatch it a few times, adding more drops of polish until it turns into the color I want. tl;dr you just pour the polish all in the bottle. But for very small batches, you can buy miniature nail polish bottles for really cheap!
#And for VERY very small batches#you can plop a few dabs of nail polish onto a piece of plastic or a silicon mat#mix it together real quick#and apply it before it starts drying down.#sergle answers#nailposting#I have a lot of polishes that I've Edited or just made a new polish from scratch by mixing shit together that I already have#this opportunity presents itself anytime I have an Empty bottle#but it's also just good to breathe life into an uninteresting shade that I don't really wear#I have a lot of polish so I have a lot of options for shades I can mix but you can still do a lot by just having#a black and a white polish#darkening and lightening a shade tbh... changes everything
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going to be as vague as possible but i was recently in a space where it was clear we were not welcomed by certain organizing members, but also we just didnt connect for another big portion of the attendees which does happen sometimes
#there was a very clear in and out group#weirdest experience traveling for an event in a bit#there were still some very nice people but it did change my opinion on the event organization#and there are several people i wouldnt care to see again lol at least not in a position of power#bam speaks#i usually do a little event discussion thing after but i would have a mix of negative and good things to say and idk if i want to put the#bad stuff out there especially because it is such a small community lol#but i also dont want to be inauthentic bc i dont want to promote this group for future events unless thats 100% that persons interest#tough one#thinking back on it it was just a few select people who were rude as fuck which made me not want to interact as much with other people
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Are your gijinkas (race wise) based on the actors for the most part or the pokemons design for the most part? I'm curious to know :3
I don't really have a definitive answer for this, but when think abt it, it's a bit all over the place if that makes sense??
Like some of them aren't really a specific race (Like 4est, Pastey, and Lark), some are based on the actors (Like Jayweed and the Mykyie redesign I plan on posting soon) and some are based on the Pokemon's design (Sara and Braidy I think are good examples of this)
Tbh the only one who doesn't fall into either one of these categories is Grunpilo, that weird little freak.
#I hope this makes sense im rlly sorry if I worded it weird or made it sound confusing#Honestly Grunpilo just spawned into existence while I was drawing concept designs for other characters#and hes looked the same ever since#like the others have gone through at least a few small changes but not Grunpilo#I dont even remember how I created his design except for the fact that I wanted Grunpilo to be a lil puppeteer#and the rest is history#i didnt expect to be rambling abt Grunpilo in the tags but here i am lmao#Also i specifically mentioned the Mykyie redesign bc I barely knew anything abt Mikey when I first got into friendlocke#and my dumbass ended up making his first gijinka design WHITE!!!1! BIGGEST FUMBLE OF MY LIFE IM SO SO SO SOO SORRY MIKEY MY FELLOW FILIPINO#technically im white but a large part of my family is filipino so its even more embarrassing for me to do that AUGH! Im so ashamed of mysel#so yeah that's basically all I gotta say abt the subject. Ty for asking!#rui replies#friendlocke#friendlocke violet#violet gijinka AU#sugarlime83
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thinkin about dragon age for the first time in like ages but smth that always struck me as odd is how often cole is mischaracterized and misrepresented. like i can tell when someone hasnt read asunder from how they depict cole. dudes half avvar like hes not a tiny little boy. thin yeah but have you SEEN his LEGS?? and his SHOULDERS? this is a full grown half-avvar man. the avvar are fuckin massive like theyre chasin up the qunari regularly in terms of height. spreading my tall cole agenda
#my t#daveposting#continuing my cole is a full grown adult w/ full grown adult thoughts and wants agenda too#im gonna give him so many boyfriends#just as he deserves tbh#anyway my personal hc for cole body specs is that hes perpetually malnourished but sinewy and shockingly strong#hovering somewhere btwn 6'-6'4''#the juxtaposition of his frame vs Who He Is vs What He Does should be eerie and weird#plus thinking abt the human cole feeling scared of growing 'too big'#catching too much attention#he wants to be small but his avvar genes doesnt let him so he slouched and was quiet and kept to himself#and then he starved to death in the white spire cell#so when the spirit found him and became him the spirit imitated how quiet he made himself to be#and in-game-cole only is able to really change his body re gaining weight/muscle after becoming fully human#we like there being a considerable gap in og human cole's life where he wanders as an apostate for a few years so he grows like a gd weed#i have a lot of feelings about cole dragon age
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coping with things so well today so i’m bragging about it ✨
#had a SMALL emotional reaction to something but then like breathed through it and was very normal#and then something that might’ve made me feel kinda alone and insecure a year or two ago#actually just made me feel happy which is a MUCH preferable reaction#and one that matches the reaction in my head#my emotions are not me#they tell me things but they’re only a piece of the puzzle and I can still decide how I process things beyond the immediate emotions#also did a bunch more organizing of my stuff for packing#and wrote things in my planner for the first few weeks of school#I already have several plans and events!!!!#and instead of pushing someone away I suggested some plans a few months away#bc that gives both of us kinda a sense of security in the friendship?#they’re worried about losing me with me going back to school#and I’m worried about losing them bc they have kinda a major obsession w/ someone else rn#(which is pretty cute when my brain isn’t being an insecure dick)#so this makes us both be like ‘even if things change we still have plans and our friendship will withstand those changes’#anyway gonna get ready to go walk up a big hill for fresh air#today has been a good day overall#OH AND ANOTHER FRIEND DROPPED BY OUT OF THE BLUE#AND GAVE ME A HAND SEWN EMBROIDERED CHARM FOR BACK-TO-SCHOOL!!!!#and a little card about how they’re proud of me and will be there for me on this journey!#god now I’m gonna cry#I have the most amazing friends in the whole freakin world#personal
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we are united in a common cause on this ✨#blessed✨ day
#hi bots why do you keep liking my lxl posts lmaooooo they aren’t even good mans#n o t that any of my posts are even good to begin with but… my lxl posts are the worst of the worst o k#i mean. they’re p much bot bait at this point.. well! at least the bots like ‘em fruity too~~~~~#though. speaking of this hellsite.. does anyone else get annoyed when the dumb app makes you follow people you’ve never heard of?#like i can never tell if someone i’m following has changed their url or if they’re someone the ‘site possessed my account to follow#like… well… backstory time: i originally made this account to browse the ship tags for a c e r t a i n ship from a c e r t a i n fandom#back when the year was still somewhere in the 2010s i think.. then i lost interest in the ship and the fandom (rip 狛 x 日 y’all the ogs)#and then i deleted the app without having ever followed any accounts. but when i next logged in a few years later. m a n.#i was following some account that i’d never even heard of lmao. like whoaaaaa who you#the account seemed to have been abandoned though.. but they made some really pretty non-fandom art i think…#idk i just thought about it bc i keep seeing accounts i don’t recognise on my dash and i m just like w h o y o u 👁️🫦👁️#i feel kinda bad when i see posts from the accounts that use this site like an actual blog y’know..#like there you are; using the site like it was probably meant to be used.#while im just here making shitposts and the occasional tl for a small-ish fandom#hm. i think i could make t h e most boring blog ever if i ever tried to be a blogger lmao#like i once made a w o r d p r e s s jokeblog that had nothing but a post about kale chips on it… i think#i wonder if that site is still up though… can’t rem if i deleted it or something… o h w e l l#o h c o w. what point was i trying to make again? i forgor—#though. speaking of cows. ‘cow’ (in a c e r t a i n c h i n e s e d i a l e c t) was allegedly my brother’s first word as a kid#and yeah. it was directed at yours truly. (sadge) to think that my bro learned how to talk just to insult me..#brothers amirite? (truly sadge……..)#it is suiyoubi my dudes
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& if i said the doctor 🤝 optimus
#i havent even been on dwrot in months......#i simply thought abt how nearly everyone that comes into contact w the autobots (& esp op) is Doomed(tm)#whether to death or a fate worse than but they will Never be the same & the worst part is some'll believe they Want that change#at least at first. give em a few years or centuries.#just. thinkin abt how inevitably the ppl keeping close to op become soldiers even if theyd rather prefer remaining just. scientists. medics#n rather often op doesnt give them much of a choice in the matter bc of how common it is to be outnumbered otherwise#n that obv made me think abt ppl like rose n martha#n also like clara who Imitated the doc n girlbossed too close to the sun in behaving/thinking like them to where it killed em#man.. also am natch also thinkin of 12's whole. small scale ver of the war scene#esp w the bit where he asks bonnie abt what her post!victory utopia would look like bc. rattles my cage op n megs' talk in chaos theory#same image...............#but yeah no god im. head in hands.#ooc. the robot gets me every time.
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Why can't people just let others live without trying to make them change their bodies?
Theres something really insidious about how gastric bypass advocates deny that essential organ mutilation is unhealthy.
"I've lost so much weight I'm so healthy" your stomach is mutilated.
"My doctor is praising my progress" your stomach is mutilated.
"I fit in so many more clothes now"
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8888a466bd6dc5945514bb1e8be3a63c/d318fbf299acae25-8b/s540x810/1617667da095a4fea57e8143a6c23beb36612fdc.jpg)
Because an essential, life sustaining organ in your body was cut up and your digestive system rerouted.
Health isn't the end all be all of value, humanity or importance but I feel like there is a huge lie here when this is "healthy" and it's just ignored.
Sorry to just bring this up out of no where but I was reminded of how little this is really talked about in bypass circles. Like, no matter what, you are now unhealthy. The spector of health continues. The Ouroboros is unbroken. Only this time it's doctor approved.
-mod squirrel
#stop pretending to#Understand what it's like#I know this is nowhere near the same but one time I said I wanted to start working out and asked my friends for workout tips and one said#“Bulk up like me. Gain a lot of weight and a lot of muscle underneath it.” And it made me uncomfortable and took me a few days to realize w#I've been close to underweight pretty much all my life due to a fast metabolism. I'm comfortable with my body the way it is and changing th#Not because I'd be fat but because my body would be different than what it's been my whole life#That was more or less the only time I've felt uncomfortable about something like that and it made me feel horrible#Like I said. It's nowhere near the same but I think of that any time I see people talking about fatphobia because I imagine how other peopl#Out there are feeling a lot more horrible than that one time and it's something that happens repeatedly and my heart goes out to everyone#Who's being treated badly for their weight and I hate people who force changes on others' bodies for their own prejudices and cruelty#Just let people live with their bodies the way they want#Also I shared the personal story because I feel weird saying something like “I understand a fraction of what it's like emotionally” (and I#Mean a very small fraction) without clarifying that it made me feel absolutely horrible when someone told me to change my body once#And I can only imagine how much worse it would make someone feel when they're constantly being told way worse stuff than what that friend#Told me. I'm probably wording things very poorly and I'm sorry if sharing that story ends up offending anyone because because I don't under
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my tags on the post i just reblogged got me thinking so here’s my current stream of consciousness
#i refer to ages 12-16 as my ‘church girl era’ bc that’s when i got really deep into christianity#like i went to church twice a week (regular sessions on sundays small groups on tuesdays) and to church events trips camps etc all the time#i even got baptized when i was 13 bc my siblings and i weren’t baptized as babies#like church was such a huge part of my life but i think it only became that bc of the specific church i went to#it was a nondenominational church and the environment was very chill for lack of a better word#and the social aspect of it was really what got me into the actual religion#i HATED going there when we first moved here bc i didn’t know anyone and i was so painfully shy#then in middle school i made a bunch of friends who went to the same church and suddenly it was so fun#that’s when i started going on tuesdays bc we would play games and have contests and stuff like that before the actual small groups#so it felt more like a club my friends and i were in than a church#but once i had those friends and i was comfortable being there i genuinely started to get more invested in christianity#bc i was actually paying attention to the sermons instead of just thinking about how anxious i was the whole time#so by the time i started high school i was very actively christian for the first time in my life#but somehow i drifted away from it just as easily as i fell into it#i started playing lacrosse when i was 15 and we had practice most weeknights so i couldn’t go to small groups anymore#and then our church merged with a bigger church in the area so we became a new branch of that church instead of a little community church#and the merger changed so much about the way the church operated that a ton of people just stopped going entirely including me#and it only took a few months for me to realize that i just didn’t really believe any of it or feel connected to it anymore#and idk even years later i still have love for a lot of those people and that part of my life#but it’s interesting how as soon as i lost that social community the church gave me i was completely disconnected from the religion itself#and at this point in my life i can’t see myself ever identifying as a christian again partly bc i just can’t get myself to believe in god#and partly bc of all the awful christians out there although i firmly believe there are still so many christians who are good people#for example my church was always accepting of the lgbtq+ community which obviously was and is super important to me#but yeah i just can’t see myself ever being religious again but at the same time i still find myself missing it sometimes even now#the community was clearly a huge part of it for me but it was also such a nice feeling to be so into the faith or wtv you want to call it#like i’ve always known my own values/morals ofc and i also love other forms of spirituality but actual religion is such a unique thing to me#like i don’t want to be christian again but i do miss the feeling of being christian/religious in general if that makes sense#and at least for me there really isn’t any substitute that can give me that same specific feeling which is honestly really sad to me#anyway. idk where i was going with this but if any former christians (or other ex religious people) want to weigh in i’d love your thoughts#lj.txt
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