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ruvviks · 1 month ago

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// oc deep dive.

tagged by; @aztarion and @devilbrakers, thank you so much!!

tagging; @mojaves, @deadrlngers, @ordinarymaine, @claudiawolf, @adelaidedrubman and YOU!

What common/uncommon fear do they have?

Nathan has a lot of fears stemming from his paranoia. Tangible ones such as getting captured or killed by MOBIUS, his friends walking away from him, or someone following him home; as well as more unrealistic ones, such as somehow ending up back in STEM, or getting stuck in a time loop, or a giant sinkhole all the way to the core of the earth opening up right at his feet.

It also happens often enough that certain actions don’t necessarily scare him, but make him uncomfortable or highly on edge (often with good reason); think of someone locking the door of the room he’s in– especially when it’s just them two– or getting too close without warning. He often fears people he gets too close to will end up treating him like the Administrator did, which is why it takes a while for him to let Sebastian get any closer physically, despite warming up to him relatively fast.

A more uncommon fear he has is waking up one morning and having lost one of his senses or his ability to speak. Aside from the mental erosion that had become a growing issue among Union citizens, MOBIUS observed a similar kind of process in its agents who regularly jumped in and out of STEM for general maintenance and the like– presumably caused by the constant changes in brain activity, which more than often led to exactly what Nathan’s fear mentioned above describes. While he was among the agents who worked both in and outside of STEM on the Union environment, he was lucky enough to never suffer the consequences.

Lastly, he is deadly afraid of Anima. Despite not having shown any other symptom of succumbing to the STEM domination process, Nathan would have started seeing her around sometime before Lily vanished– presumably got her attention after some of his escapades in the secret labs in the Marrow– and he has not been able to sleep soundly in STEM ever since. While his fear of her mostly acts up when he’s in a STEM environment, it definitely translates over to the real world as well; during bad mental health episodes he has auditory hallucinations of her, and she makes regular appearances in his nightmares too.

Do they have any pet peeves?

When people are too passive. Nathan can’t stand it when he’s expected to initiate everything, from conversations to taking action, both in a work context (scheduling meetings, deploying new code) as well as personal context (scheduling to hang out, doing household chores). He also doesn’t like having to constantly ask people to do what they’re supposed to do– though this irritation more than often extends a little too far, to things he is expecting of people but never told them about.

Loud and unexpected noises, especially when done on purpose. Fireworks would be a great example of this, and they piss Nathan off no end. He gets snippy when people raise their voice at him for no reason, or when they keep banging their fist on a surface to get others’ attention.

Getting cut off in traffic. Nathan’s road rage is easily awakened and he can get a little drastic with it. His reflexes are fast enough to brake on time to avoid ending up in someone’s trunk, but will in that same breath speed right back up to crash into them on purpose as revenge for pissing him off.

What are three items you can find in their bedroom?

A large ring binder full of old code snippets, notes from various projects he worked on back at MOBIUS, and all his research ranging from neuroscience all the way to electrical engineering. Nathan is a little old-school in that regard– he’d much rather have all his research physically with him than save it all to some online storage platform and risk losing it like that.

A jigsaw puzzle, made entirely out of different pieces that he’s collected over the years (stolen from others’ puzzles, found in various locations, stolen directly from the store, etc). The full piece would total up to nearly 2000 pieces, though it is still missing a large chunk in the center; the result is an abstract piece containing mostly darker colors, though with various bursts of color scattered around like flowers in a field. Nathan isn’t the artistic type, but the project keeps him busy and he considers it a type of self-expression.

The knife he killed his parents with when he was sixteen years old. He’s not entirely sure why he kept it all those years– perhaps to remind himself what got him to where he is now, or because it’s the only thing he still has from that time of his life. Either way, it’s kept safe in the top drawer of his nightstand, easy enough to reach in case someone breaks into his apartment.

What do they notice first in a person?

First: State of mind, overall mood. How approachable do they look; can he afford to lower his guard or does he need to tread with caution, can he get close without worrying about a knife to the stomach or should he keep his distance? Nathan rarely shows immediate interest in someone’s overall personality, he would rather want to know which of their emotions he’s gonna have to deal with during their interaction(s).

Second: Body language. Ties in with the first thing mentioned– cautiously watching for threats, waiting to see if they make a move to touch (or harm) him so he can step out of their range. But it also extends a little further; Nathan tends to mimic others’ body language in conversation to make himself appear more approachable. If someone gestures a lot, he will do the same.

Third: Their smile, if relevant. Smiling is an eye-catching action to him, since he’s not one to quickly do so himself. It’s attractive to him; if someone smiles at him, you’ll be able to catch him staring.

Fourth: Scars, and other (skin) details. Nathan isn’t one to ask about them, of course– but they’ll catch his attention anyway, for a brief moment, since some of them already tell a story on their own even without words.

Fifth: Nervous tics, if relevant. By this point he’s been in conversation long enough to pick up on the little details– a slight thrill or shakiness to their voice, a thumb running over the side of their index finger, a nose twitch. In some cases it eases his mind, knowing the other person isn’t confident in their conversation either; in other cases it sets off alarms in his mind, and makes him wonder if there’s more going on than what they’re showing or telling him.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?

Physically: 7. While he doesn’t quite look like it, Nathan can take a hit or two. Most of his injuries happen in STEM– though with the way the technology works, the pain is very much real, and in some cases the scars are lasting even in the real world despite the damage having been sustained in STEM. To an extent, Nathan even enjoys the pain; it’s grounding for him, and keeps him from dissociating. When it gets too much to handle he simply drinks it away.

Mentally: 10. Nathan’s life has been a constant downward spiral; sent to a youth detention center after being wrongfully accused of killing his younger sister, and he was bullied relentlessly there, which continued until long after his release both at school and at home. At MOBIUS, he was required to work shifts in their HQ as well as in the Marrow, in the Union STEM environment– he was required to be mentally strong, or he would have already started suffering from mental erosion by long-term STEM exposure after his first few trips in. It takes a lot to break him (or so he likes to believe).

Emotionally: 4. Once you get past all the barriers, Nathan is pretty sensitive. He doesn’t deal well with rejection or misunderstanding, and is prone to assuming things are all his fault the second something goes wrong. It’s easy to upset him, though he won’t easily show; but the damage often takes a while to repair.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? (Or freeze or fawn?)

Fight, more than often; though it may appear as flight at first, since Nathan’s favored combat approach is stealth and he will always find cover before doing anything rash. In certain cases, however, he would be more likely to freeze; especially anything related to Anima or an enemy type like her, where fighting is out of the question, and he knows that a single wrong move can mean his demise.

It translates to non-combat situations too– often willing to talk to people but his initial response is to get defensive and close himself off, and if not given a moment to regain himself it can lead to either fighting or freezing; biting back with similar ferocity or shutting down altogether, unable to pick up his rational train of thought in the heat of the moment.

It really depends on the type of confrontation, though; taking his own state of mind and who else is involved into consideration. He’s known to fawn when a situation starts feeling a little too familiar– generally surrounding the abuse he suffered from partially his parents, but mostly the Administrator.

What animal represents them best?

Wolf; bordering on dog motif, but cautiously so, requiring infinite patience and understanding to win his trust. Nathan is loyal and guarding to those he cares about, but he values his freedom– his choices and decisions are his and his alone, and anyone who tries to take that away from him will suffer the necessary consequences.

How would a stranger likely describe them?

Curious, above anything else. Distant, reserved; surprisingly well-spoken, almost technical in his interactions with others as if the whole conversation is pre-programmed in his mind. Nathan isn’t necessarily cold towards others, but people would also not be quick to describe him as kind; though there is a certain warmth to the way he speaks and looks at people, despite the fact he very rarely smiles and isn’t one to quickly compliment someone else.

Appearance-wise, people tend to notice the white strands in his black hair first. They’re clustered at the front of his head, and match with the white hairs in his left eyebrow and the white eyelashes in the outer corner of his left eye. Nathan has very pale and rough skin, patchy but dark facial hair covering up most of his acne (/scarring); and part of the skin around his left eyebrow is lacking pigment, though it’s a little hard to see. He has very pale and bright blue eyes, which can be a little unnerving when staring at them for too long. Many people cannot maintain eye contact with him for very long.

Do they have any hobbies?

Nathan’s career is directly intertwined with his hobbies, and he enjoys working on code even long after cutting ties with MOBIUS. Software development, application optimization– his laptop runs on an operating system that he coded entirely himself, and whenever he has some time to spare he can be found tweaking and optimizing it and adding new features.

To no one’s surprise, he’s a gamer. Shooters, roguelikes, survival horror– he does not play all too often as his schedule often doesn’t allow for it, but he generally doesn’t have a hard time playing on higher difficulties and enjoys the challenge. Nathan has tried his hand at game design and development too, but stopped quickly when he found it too similar to developing the Union environment in STEM.

And last, surprisingly, would be writing. Journaling, some sort of attempt at poetry, or articles he would want to send in to some website or appropriate magazine but never does– a lot of Nathan’s writing is for his eyes alone, but it helps as an outlet, it keeps him grounded. For a while after leaving MOBIUS, he worked on writing tech manuals for various employers to earn some extra cash, which also ties directly into his interests.

#tag games #ask:nathan #using his full name in the banner to fill up all the empty space but it feels so funny like no one calls him that. no one calls him that #idk who's already done this i'm very out of the loop but hi =] until tumblr fixes itself my brain will only let me tag 5 people #in stuff like this so if you see this and i haven't tagged you. you are tagged now. i am tagging you in my mind palace #anyway hi =] i love nathan he is a little bit of a freak a little bit of a weirdo but that's part of his charm #possibly autistic but he's got a job so he doesn't really care about that right now #to me nathan is the same sort of oc flavor as vitali is but it's hard to explain. they both carry this energy around that makes them #fit very well in one specific environment if that makes sense?? vitali being a corpo boy nathan being lead STEM developer #and to then see them outside of that environment kind of makes them feel out of place in a very similar way as #how they themselves feel a little alienated from the rest of the world #taught to do what they do and when expected to function outside of that reality and mingle with the crowds #they don't really know what to do with themselves etc etc. does that make sense. i hope it does #either way. for nathan it really shows in how he struggles connecting with his friends and why he ends up #latching on to ruben so much once he allows him to move in with him. there's SO many parallels between them #and ruben is also a guy who grew up dedicating his life to one thing only and now he doesn't know what else there is for him #that's why they work so well together... both struggling to find purpose and connection. you know what i mean #ok i've said enough now but just know i could easily write an essay or two about this guy

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deoidesign · 6 months ago

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okay so ages ago on the Bird Hellsite I saw someone make a coat entirely out of worm on a strings so now we have that incredibly cursed mental image right. My question to you is who in the TTA cast would be most likely to wear that thing and why is it Steve?

Oh, I met someone who did that a few years ago! Might have been the same person tbh.

I think a number of the minor characters would happily wear it, but the one most likely to make it would be Ash from the ghost hunting arc. Steve would wear it too, but Adam could make it work.

I had a grudge for years against worm on a string though... It was 2014. Flying across the country with my art class for the final judging of a competition. New York City, baby. Every day was constant activity; always going to a different event, a different activity, a different project...

And the stage was set: A small budget for the ILNY tourist store, two exhausted teenagers, and a misleading ad. The sound was off, and without captions we were left to assume... And we believed if the worms got wet, they would squirm. It made sense why they were $20 with technology like that.

Me and my best friend bought the worm on a string. We named him... Hal. It was all we talked about that day, the anticipation of getting back to the hotel.

Finally we get to our room. I was more excited about this than about being in the top 5 for a contest with a $50,000 prize. We opened the package, deterred by none of the signs, confirmation bias in full force... What's this string? Oh, it must be so they don't squirm away and get lost!

Fools.

Two fools standing over the bathroom sink, Hal in ones hands, and the other turning on the faucet. Nothing. A gentle shake of the lifeless soggy body. Still nothing.

And then the dawning realization: The worm was never gonna squirm around. We were duped.

How could we let that go... For years, I didn't.

I've since developed a fondness. It was never Hal's fault. We were exhausted, not thinking straight, and we blamed him for our own failure. I can only try to make amends... But I truly believe Hal never held resentment in his fuzzy blue heart.

Anyways we got second place and then the next year we won but that's less important.

#asks #whosamawhatsit #always looking for an excuse to tell a silly story lmfao #the competition was for vans. like the shoe company #we made four pairs of shoes into art basically! themed and stuff #hard to explain lol #the second year we did it we actually swept and won 75k for our art department #which was great cause otherwise it for real would have been shut down #we got first which was 50k #and then we also won the skate deck secondary competition for 15k #AND we won the 'local flavor' sub judgement of the top 5 #which was 10k. AND!!!!!!!#the shoe i made was made into an actual vans shoe that you could buy for a year #i have a pair of course haha. never worn them duh but #cool competition! super glad i got to do that.#uh. anyways HAHAHHAAH just using this ask as an excuse to tell a story from my life #10 years ago... wow.#ive been having a hard time about my art and it's kind of nice to dwell on this a moment #and remember how far ive come. how lovely to have lived so much and still have so much more to go #enjoy the story lol sorry #NO IM NOT #its a good story. youre WELCOME!!!

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cosmogyros · 30 days ago

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I need a flavor intervention... there is too much spice and salt and seasoning in my life lately, my stomach is in revolt :(

#who would have thought that i – a white person(tm) – could get to this point #but i've been subsisting on curry and kimchi and ramen with about 50 things added to pimp it up #and potato chips with flavors like 'lime salt' and 'mexican tomato' and 'roasted lamb cumin'#i've been eating stuff like mustard and miso paste straight from the jar. by the spoonful.#i tried to make 'absolutely plain quinoa with zero flavoring' to give my poor stomach a break this morning #but when i wasn't looking i accidentally cooked it in vegetable broth and topped it with olive oil and lemon juice #i tried to have 'plain toast' the other day... but spread vegemite on it #what is my PROBLEM?#i am forcing myself to have muesli and raw carrot for dinner tonight #sorry body. i will try to be more reasonable and strike a balance #i just love flavor so much :( unfortunately my insides do not agree :(#cosmo gyres #personal #tag rant #food #this is the worst part about getting older :')

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giddlygoat · 2 months ago

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i haven’t planked in months and i was worried that i would fall over within seconds so i used the lazytown theme song of all things to time myself. i planked for over a minute straight! maybe not much but i’m proud of it since my personal best is like 2 minutes. then i did 5 pushups and 10 sit-ups [my old daily routine] and was just as pleasantly surprised to see it wasn’t that bad! call me autistic but the lazytown binging is working on me. this is for you, sportacus 🫡

#a few months ago i was working out relatively excessively and had SO much energy and just generally felt great #like. i had never been happier with my energy levels and physical state. a super light and manageable routine was all it took #i wanna get back to that and stop using “school 4 days and work the other 3” as an excuse not to do these simple things #which improve my life SO much #and i’ve been going on 3 mile walks on campus too. thank god for the wonderful walking track around the pond #my poor asthmatic lungs need this 😭#gear diary #oh god and not to mention cutting back on the sugar. like… i ate a bag of raw vegetables for breakfast one day?#and recently had a pear and an apple for dinner one night?? returning to my roots of eating like a fucking rabbit in a greenhouse #AND i’ve resisted the urge to eat the usual processed sugary snacks lately. WHICH IS A HUGE DEAL FOR ME #i’m just so proud of myself yall and i need to brag #TO BE CLEAR i’m not becoming a carb counting health nut here i still eat the same exact stuff with the exception of less sugar #and i don’t intend to ever change that. i love food and flavor too much lawl! i’m just trying to also absorb nutrients and stay active 🫶

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tittyinfinity · 1 year ago

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people without food texture issues act like people with food texture issues can just suddenly get over them by a certain age and are soooo surprised whenever you say that you can't eat [X food] for the 25th year in a row

#just had to say ''i'm 28 years old. i don't need another adult scolding me about how to eat my food.''#you know how much I'd LOVE if I could eat chunky foods like onions and peppers?#i use onion powder and other seasonings instead of the full veggies bc i love the flavor but not the texture #I DO LIKE THOSE FOODS!! Just not how it feels in my mouth!!!#i have been explaining this since the day I was able to talk #in fact one of my first memories is them forcing me to eat chunky stuff and me vomiting it right back up on my dad #and every time I eat chunky food I think of that moment even tho i was like 3 #i was old enough to talk but was in a high chair so yeah I was around 2-3 years old and I still have that vivid memory #.bdo

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icewindandboringhorror · 7 months ago

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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol

#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations #with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really #have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a #few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government #Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i #all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue #option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to #do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from #and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random #little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag #or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol #ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched #out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is #One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work #on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol #Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since #they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game #takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding #enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration #of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting #to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol #I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest #of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need #at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically #outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol #ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh #also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh #wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel

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wayfinderships · 6 months ago

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I'll be so doomed the day I ever get a girl f/o

#pan rambles #I say doomed in like. a positive way. In a “I'd get way too flustered” way #I haven't really talked about it here because I don't feel like I owe it to people to talk about my attraction and the complexities of it #But I'll talk about it a bit bc I just need to ramble #I'm 99% I'm Aro. At the very least some flavor of it. I don't care about finding a specific label- I've spent many years stressing about it #And I don't really feel like spending even more years stressing about it #Despite being aro- I like the idea of being in a romantic relationship one day #Even if I know it'll probably never happen #Not only am I perfectly content with my QPR rn but also because I don't think most people would be open to the idea of dating an Aro #Which hey! Is completely fair! I know the love I feel is different than what I think most people feel #Though I'd argue that even if it's not exactly the same type- It's still plenty strong.When I love my friends it's a strong feeling #I'd do anything for my friends and I love them so much that I'd literally do anything to see them happy! The love I feel for them is strong #But it's not. Romantic y'know? Augh I'm getting distracted!#Back to my initial point!!! I can't tell if I like girls or not!#I'm not exactly in a safe place irl to try to experiment with those feelings so I've been pushing it aside for so long!#But I think there's definitely a chance I like girls in the same Aro™ way that I like guys!#I'm not gonna try to find a label for it because I don't want to label it but yeah #There's definitely a few crushes and f/os that I've headcanoned as Transfem before #But I've never romantically f/od a girl #Afksnfksnfkskd Ok yeah that's enough of Panchi rambling for tonight!#I just needed to let that out!#Thank you to anyone who listened to my Rambling about Attraction and stuff-

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caramelmochacrow · 6 days ago

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Photon Maiden's selection album, 4 Un Voyage, finally released!! Let's go!!!

Here are the songs in order:

FriendShip

4 Challenges (ver. 2023)

We Never Stop (ver. 2023)

Hikari (ver. 2024)

Akatsuki (fruits mix ver. 2024)

OVERCOME (ver. 2023)

Linked Ring (ver. 2023)

Collector

24 (ver. 2024)

Into the storm (ver. 2024)

Be with the world (ver. 2023)

Photon Melodies (ver. 2023)

Begin Again

Platinum (Saki Solo cover)

Dear My Friend (Ibuki Solo cover)

Fansa (Towa Solo Cover)

Let The Show Begin (Noa Solo cover)

Your Love ♡

Happy Happy Friend (Cutopia cover)

Kawaikute Gomen (Cutopia cover)

Photon Melodies (TAKU INOUE Remix ver. 2025)

#crow talks #d4dj #d4dj groovy mix #photon maiden #AHHHHHHH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG!!!! <333 #the reason why i found out this album was released was bc i saw sato hina make a story abt it on her ig lol-- (ty sato hinaaaaa)#now i can hear the full version of all of their solos let's gooo!!!#also cutopia's stuff!!! THEY ALL HAVE FULL VERSIONS!!! YESSSSSS #also crazy to me they remixed the taku inoue remix for photon melodies this year..... just for this album.... damn #as im writing this im still in the first few songs so i wont be able to say my thoughts on all of the covers #you might see me post abt them later tho.... especially let the show begin and dear my friend #ahhhhhhhh i forgot how much i love photon maiden's sound <3 SATO HINA U ARE AMAZING!!! her harmonies and... idk how to explain but--#her voice during instrumentals where she just belts notes and just!!! IS AWESOME?! yeah i love it so much!! i never get tired of her singin #haru-chan is also so good!! ive been listening to more harmoe so ive been getting more and more used to her voice and seeing how cute it is #OH AND haru-chan's voice for the more “serious” photon songs scratch my brain a lot..... ahhhh i should go listen to harmoe after this #tsumugi risa is awesome too.!! i still think it's crazy she can have that voice for saki then switch to chu2 and akikaze rui lol #tsumugi risa's voice in collector makes me rlly giddy lol (makes sense since the song already does that w the synths and stuff)#AND!!! dont get me started on nanaki kanon...... i love the tone she gives to ibuki's voice... it makes her parts more richer and nice to--#listen to! it's really apparent in akatsuki (fruits mix and og) and linked ring! i already love both songs a lot so her voice just boots it #her voice kinda sends an arrow through my heart and such ahhhh i actually love her voice so much SHES AMAZING!!!#*meteor isnt here but i LOVE how she sings 'is the tempo slow? i dont care at all' SO MUCH IYAAAAAA!!!!!#i think nanaki kanon's voice just adds a whole new flavor to photon that i never knew i needed..... she's so amazing guys pleaseeee--#i should check out the stageplays and see how she does w koharu in revstar...... ive seen the first stageplay so i just need to watch more #ALSO IM ON INTO THE STORM AS I TYPE-- THE 2ND RAPPING PART WAS IBUKI!?!!?!? OK DAMN..... i love the power she puts into her voice AHHHHHHH #okay enough fanboying over photon maiden.... it's making me look like theyre my faves..... i wanna see all the units live one day istg--#LISTEN TO THE ALBUM!! stop reading me fanboy over it and LISTEN!!!!#edit: * i put the wrong song lol ALSO BEGIN AGAIN IS JUST SATO HINA PROPAGANDAA AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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pinkseas · 27 days ago

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i do ship nikki and giovanni a little bit but like. in a yuri kind of way. in a girls who love girls kind of way. in a Giovanni Is Transgender To Some Degree In Some Way That Is Undefined But Undeniably There kind of way. do u kno what i mean

#ICANT THINK OF HOW TO DESCRIBE IT.#i can only ship them if it is extremely incredibly queer #idgaf what flavor #actually. i do care. i ship them in any way that ISNT yaoi.#nikki has so much gender stuff going on too but also? shes a girl. like She's A Girl. maybe not a woman but shes a girl #<- just like me fr #but yeah no i think the only way i DONT ship them is if a) they are Not Queer b) if they r both men.#i will fucking kill and maim and die before i turn the girl who loves girls game into yaoi #<- i heart all gender hcs even with nikki but if you are hcing her as a man for yaoi reasons or even just bc u dont like girls?#killing u with hammers. forever.#dorry idek if ppl do that i just Considered it and saw red #infinity.aly

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crazyw3irdo · 2 years ago

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i just watched charlie's first qsmp vod and y'all weren't kidding that census thing is fucking terrifying

#qsmp #mcyt #crazwaz posted #like the whole scene where it appears just. wow.#idk what pronouns ppl have been using to refer to it im just gonna use it/its idk if thats the correct set ive just seen the one vod #idk how much sway i have given ive only seen the one perspective but god if you havent seen that any of the ppl there's povs its real good #its about 2 hours 35 minutes into his vod #just. wil charlie and quackity vibing and then jaiden running in yelling that theres 'a woman in the walls'#them all going to investigate and not hearing anything at first. talking over each other.#then charlie hears it too. and in the background you can see it slowly crouching and walking in but they dont see it #until quackity screams and then they all see it and theyre all screaming and they all realize theyve been cornered in #and they try to escape and block it in but then they realize its in creative mode and theyre freaking the fuck out #then they calm down when they realize its just trying to ask them questions #and while theyre typing in their books A CREEPER FUCKING EXPLODES BEHIND THEM #and as theyre freaking out and realizing theres like. 10 mobs behind them- including more creepers-#the census is cheerfully repeating 'yes! yes! yes!' and jumping up and down excitedly #like literally big fan of horror stuff here and that scene felt like it fit right in #very effective. loved it. like the bits with the duck being like 'you broke the one rule so you can never leave' felt very creepypasta #but the census guy felt like an actual horror short film or something. not to diss the duck or creepypasta yknow its just different flavors #the way it comes out of nowhere too is very effective. like charlie is doing his el backflippo bit when jaiden comes in #not even fully out of nowhere too! like the campier bits with the duck gives it precedence!#also yeah gay sex island charlie has already slept eith two guys and has flirted with many more #'are you.... cómo se dice en inglés.... circumcised?'#so funny tho thinking like. my number one favorite part of the vod is that scary census scene #number two is charlie singing about argentina #number three is charlie in the caves with roier mariana and fit and theyre talking about circumcision #10/10 love it. i was right tho it is fucking with my brain because im trying to learn japanese and my brain is now combining spanish with #japanese because my brain has sorted those two languages into one pile thats just 'a language i have very basic knowledge of'#so now every time i try to start a sentence in one of those languages the other one tries to creep in #i had that problem when i first started learning japanese and now it returns hasdfkjhasdkjfh

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crickwater · 8 months ago

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I have such a guilt complex abt leaving wyll at camp meanwhile when Orin kidnapped halsin I was like. damn. forgot this dude was here

#listen I'm playing a druid and I fucking love jaheira who I recruited around the same time #there's simply no need for three druids. that's too many druids #I have lae'zel and karlach to be tanks with great damage output I don't need halsin #plus he has literally nothing going on! why is he even here #and wyll.... I like him a lot but I don't like warlocks mechanically #and while I allow some flexibility with reclassing I can't find another class that really feels right for him flavor wise #so he just. stays at the camp. except for shopping trips #since he's the only one with more than +1 persuasion #living that low charisma life. who need charisma when you can simply kill people #act 3 is so overwhelming so far. it just feels like there's so much stuff everywhere and I keep being scared of fucking things up

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aeide-thea · 2 years ago

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god i know that complaining abt fic which most of you haven't read, and which i won't, for politeness' sake, identify in this post, is a great way to come across as both dickish and boring—

but i've been rereading a very long, very satisfyingly plotty series that's a fandom darling and the thing is, when you read like 400k of an author's work at once it really starts to become painfully apparent what their priorities are, by which i mean two things:

holy shit they're obsessed with 'what if strong powerful men who could hurt you didn't (but did hurt Bad Guys) (and it was sexy of them),' which leads into

holy shit they do not appear to have thought through the implications of saying 'i will have my heroes take over the same power structures that have enabled abuse, make no real changes to those structures other than swapping out the leadership, and then claim that everything is wonderful now bc Good Men Are In Charge'??

like. i don't necessarily need every passing fantasy to present me with a coherent, revolutionary system of politics and ethics—sometimes things are just fun and sexy and not especially Examined and that's fine!—but by the time someone's written literally almost half a million words, and done a lot of worldbuilding while they were at it, i am going to start squinting if they seem to think a Good Man can e.g. become an emperor by killing off the leadership of multiple countries and installing puppet kings loyal to him and still remain a Good Man, even if the justification was that the original leadership was maltreating its citizens and deserved to be extrajudicially executed. like. this shit was a bad, autocratic move when the US did it in real life and it's still bad now that you're having our mutual blorbo do it in fiction! and that's not even getting into the whole thing where like. they've got servants who the Good Man and his friends ""treat well"" but who very much remain second-class citizens in terms of how the story actually frames them and their concerns. [this was also a huge issue i had with foz m*adows' most recent book—everyone wants to write about fantasy nobles but they also want to make them good people and it's like. honestly i think it might be better to get comfortable writing about flawed people, but also—if your aristos aren't treating their servants like equals and your text isn't either, you haven't actually cracked the Moral Aristo paradox, sorry!] like, there's nothing that says your story has to depict a fully Healed World, nor should there be! but it's troubling if you seem to be convinced you've written one (and have your wide-eyed love interests constantly marveling at it!) when you very patently haven't.

#in all honesty—i've framed a lot of this as political/ethical critique‚ and like‚ it IS‚ but also—#i'm just really frustrated because like. the whole 'what if people were shockingly nice to you' thing feels like it SHOULD be better for me #but in actual fact i find myself totally turning up my nose at it and i can't totally work out why #i mean i guess part of it is that this author's Traumatized Love Interests are always really innocent victims #which i can't identify with emotionally because i feel like a piece of shit #so i need a story that's more like 'person who's been told they were a monster for so long they believe it gets convinced they aren't'#'(lovingly and sexily)'#but also i think a lot of it just. isn't subtle enough. like i need to have to put pieces together so i'm implicated in my own catharsis #being constantly told 'wow it's so amazing i'm not being abused by this person who COULD abuse me!! that's so sexy of them!'#is just. not doing it for me. like. 'not abusive' is not actually sexy to me‚ unfortunately. i need some character traits.#and unfortunately the ones this author tosses in for flavor ALSO don't convince me #because they never actually manifest in the story. it's like 'oh this character is so prickly—but never actually offends the LI.'#'oh this other character is so gruff—but the LI understands that about them from day one and doesn't take it personally.'#like. if the hero's 'flaws' don't actually cause any problems—they aren't flaws #anyway. i've definitely complained about this exact series multiple times on here at this point #but that's the thing—it's compelling enough i keep going back to it‚ so i get extra-frustrated by its flaws #whereas like. there's a lot of stuff that's much worse that i've been much less frustrated by #because i never had any particular hopes for it #anyway. thx for yr patience in this fully self-inflicted Trying Time‚ lmao #i guess this can get filed under #bookblogging

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