#I just have no physical preferences when it comes to like…no emotions attached sex for the sake of sex

[housewifebuck]

I thought you were a lesbian

Still don't know if you are

Don't ask me why I thought this

I just kinda saw you and just went LESBIAN 🫵

PLEAAEHEKDHDKDJ this is so fucking funny. Everybody I’ve ever met in my life has clocked me a mile away

[violetasteracademic]

Hello!! I absolutely adore your posts and how well you've researched and thought everything out. I am curious what you think about Mor being Azriel's mate. I go back and forth on the question - it's a lot to tackle with Mor's sexuality and how mates are chosen etc. I feel like there's some language that could indicate they're mates, but I know it's not a popular theory in the Elriel bubble and ACOTAR fandom as a whole. It would also solve the question of "what would Azriel do if him and Elain aren't mates, but he found his mate later on?" Just curious if you have any thoughts on the matter. :)

Hello my love! First of all, I want to genuinely thank you for your kind words. I have quite a few days in this fandom where I wonder if I fit in here, but my deep enjoyment for writing theory posts and fanfics keeps me going! You caught me on a day I was sort of in my feels about it, so it was really lovely to see a kind word attached to the ask!

I am 100% a Morrigan and Azriel are Cauldron breeding mates just like L/ucien and Elain truther, and I have soooo much to get into about it and am bringing my usual receipts. I'm pretty convinced that even if she ultimately opts not to go that direction, she for sure was thinking heavily about it.

This post is EXCEPTIONALLY long (as usual) because I think Morrigan is a character that receives unjust hate in every microcosm of the fandom and some things need to be noted, and I hope you all will give it a chance even if you dislike Mor or hate this theory!

It is important to remember that every character is in fact *not* a real person, but the author. And sometimes character flaws are not intentionally curated for arcs and development, but they are author flaws. I believe this is partly the case with Morrigan. I don't spend a lot of time critiquing SJM. This is not because she is above reproach, it's simply because there are plenty of people out there doing it and there are valid spaces for that. That being said, I cannot address the Morrigan situation without addressing the very real issue of SJM and her blind spots when it comes to representation. This is something that SJM and Bloomsbury have addressed and made necessary steps to improve:

Time article published January 30th 2024, found here.

SJM has fallen into a lot of bad tropes and stereotypes when it comes to her BIPOC and LGBTQ representation, to the point where she has hired sensitivity readers to ensure she does not continue to so do. This is a great thing, and personally I think sensitivity readers should be the bare minimum and the absolute norm and not solely employed in response to criticism. Alas, it is a new addition and her past mistakes live on.

Sexuality is a spectrum, and while some people might identify with the way SJM has represented it, she had a pattern that she did not break until recently: Tokenizing sexual representation as bi characters interested in having sex with all genders and orientations without experiencing emotional attraction outside of their preferred gender.

*TOG spoiler* The Aedion bi reveal in the second to last book served literally no purpose other than- look! More representation! He had no romantic or emotionally intimate experiences with men throughout the series, but very suddenly and randomly reveals he has sex with men. It is mentioned once, then never again, because he is pursuing a heterosexual relationship. That is a valid experience with sexuality but in the context of ToG it was a brow-raising and unearned attempt to throw in an extra queer character because she was being criticized. That's a hey you tried but maybe do better next time.

But then it happened again with Helion- freely having sex and experiencing physical attraction with both men and women but only suggestions of having fallen in love with a woman, and will likely only persue a hetero relationship.

Then it happened again with Morrigan (with a slightly flipped script), who only experiences love and romance with women but freely has sex with men. Now we see a *pattern* and at this point its like, mmkay, skill issue. Even if it does feel authentic and representative to *some* readers, it is also a reflection of the authors limitations exploring emotional intimacy with her bi characters and just treating them as wanting/willing to have sex with anyone while only like liking just boys or just girls.

I bring all of this up because I am going to bring in my usual methods of comparisons, themes, development, ect- but I am typically talking about things SJM did exceptionally well. When it comes to Morrigan, I don't necessarily think she has done things all that well. But the threads are still there, and my love for Morrigan and experience with her themes live beyond an irritating skill issue on the authors part. Lets get into it.

I've made quite a few posts about the usage of the mating bond as a plot device and the development of theme. The best one to catch up on if you'd like is probably this one here.

The biggest indicators to me that Morrigan is Azriel's corrupted Cauldron (aka breeding) mate are twofold: parallel behavior between Mor and Lucien as well as the development of Morrigan's theme of her value being tied to her breeding in ACOWAR alongside the introduction of the mating bond being nothing less than a tool for powerful breeding, also for the first time in ACOWAR.

With the confirmation that the Asteri corrupted the Cauldron, along with the conversation regarding the Asteri forcing mated pairs outside of sexual orientations and not caring (*HOSAB), SJM doubled down on all of this. The Asteri need powerful offspring. They will force queer women to mate with men to do it.

Spoiler alert: Celestina does *not* prefer males. And the Asteri do not care.

CC also, in my opinion, cemented the two-bond theory. The Mother Bond (also known as Urd or Wyrd) the true soul-mated pairs, and Breeding Bond- created at the behest of the Asteri.

With breeding bonds, you can experience a sense of ownership and possessiveness over someone you are not even remotely romantically interested in:

Both Mor and L/ucien go stiff during representations of their *alleged mates interacting romantically with someone else even when there is no attraction or emotional intimacy. For L/ucien, he doesn't even know Elain. He doesn't automatically assume they will even be together, because he wants to know more about her personality and decide if they are a good fit. Honestly? Super healthy and valid.

Morrigan is having her moment during ACOFAS. She is very much out as queer (again, with some confusion of whether or not she is bi due to a skill issue on the author's end, but 100% confirmed to not be romantically interested in men) so why is she going tense at the sight of Azriel acting like a BDE husband to Elain? The unjustified and unsympathetic take (imo) is that she is being weird and jealous and wants Azriel's attention even though she doesn't want him. This makes no sense. She has actually only ever acted positively towards Elain, and before this dinner mused on Azriel giving Elain truth-teller without a shred of jealousy. But then to see them together, even though she does not want Azriel and only wishes for his happiness, she tenses, then recovers quickly. To me, both of these moments indicate a jerk reaction to the breeding bond at work.

There is also this idea of feel a pull to explore their *alleged mate just once:

L/ucien actually has already seen Elain, and although he had some immediate instinctive reactions, it didn't leave him immediately feeling like this was the woman he was supposed to be with. Alternatively, Morrigan deeply loves Azriel, just not in that way. She loves him so much that sometimes she wonders if she should try, just once, just to know for sure, even though she is not capable of falling in love with men. Both of these scenes are from ACOWAR, and tie into the way mating bonds are finally described, and how most mates feel like they should try:

Even though neither Mor or L/ucien experience romantic feelings for their mates, they feel a pull to try. They think about giving things a chance just to be sure. This is not something any of our other mates have experienced.

This passage also leads me to another important note- which is the severity of mating bond rejections. Again, all of this is in ACOWAR and thematically connects. Both Elain and Mor have very good reason to be afraid of a mating bond rejection. It can drive a male mad and make them go violently insane. We can criticize both women all day long about how they should just reject their mates and have the conversation so everyone can move on, but when this is what is on the table for them? A man possibly killing because of the power of the mating bond? That is no joke.

The only reason Morrigan slept with Helion is because she was sick and terrified over Azriel handing Eris his ass because he called her a slut. Mor has already seen Azriel act in an uncontrolled and violent manner that could not easily be stopped on her behalf. If she is afraid of what a mating bond rejection will do to Azriel, the depth and complexity of her decision, and her behavior to try to distance and avoid the conversation is a lot more sympathetic. I also believe that Morrigan, Azriel, and Elain will be doing some work together in Vallahan, and the issue of the Cauldron being wrong for both Azriel and Elain will resolve during that storyline. You can read more about that here.

And then of course, there is this:

Rhys only brings up Mor when Azriel brings up the Cauldron. That feels extremely intentional to me. I think Rhys either knows or assumes that Azriel and Mor have a mating bond. I think both Az and Mor know (I also think Azriel absolutely knows Mor is queer, and their weirdness and his constant confusion and staring at her has more to do with that than being in love with her, because he doesn't understand why she is sleeping with men at all.) Crack theory, but I think Eris knows. What happened between Mor and Eris isn't a secret, it was all revealed in ACOFAS. But I think somehow, for some reason, Eris is also aware of the mating bond between Az and Mor, which is why Morrigan gets so pissed when Eris needles her about not telling the whole truth. She isn't trying to hide what Eris did to make herself look better (he didn't do much, really, still left her to die even though he did her a solid by not accepting her as his wife) but he also knew that a Blood Duel could be called by Az over her.

Here's the thing: ACOWAR states that some courts allow men to kill each other over their mate choosing or having other partners. The bonus chapter clarifies that violence as the Blood Duel. I do not believe the Blood Duel can be called over anyone over any situation- it is specific to mates. I could be wrong, but it seems strange that Rhys would talk about outlawed violent practices that is not allowed in his court but is in others, and then we would see the Blood Duel brought up as the Autumn Court tradition, and not see them as one in the same:

Ultimately, all of these characters are grappling with their choices being affected by deeply held cultural beliefs about the mating bond.

If Azriel and Mor are breeding mates, she is struggling with genuine love for him but being unable to love him romantically. She thematically is dealing with hiding her sexuality because there is no greater dishonor to the culture of her family than a woman not being used for sale and breeding. If Azriel and Mor are mates, so much of her behavior and her themes and experiences make so much more sense. Rhysand's response to Azriel thinking the Cauldron was wrong when he has a mate in the Inner Circle whom he already loves makes more sense. Azriel knowing Mor is queer and not understanding why she sleeps with men but also not pushing her to have a conversation about their bond makes more sense.

Everything makes more sense if Az and Mor are mates.

If they are not, well, skill issue, I guess.

Either way, I truly hope Mor gets her HEA and SJM's employed sensitivity writers will help her do it justice.

How did we do? Did anyone stick with me on this one? Have I won you over? I can't wait to see what happens, however it pans out! And I'm grateful for the addition of sensitivity readers to Sarah's work. I hope she does her best to represent as well as she can!

[seraphinitegames]

Not a question but I just want to say that I absolutely love this game series. I was never one for romance games but when i discovered all the stuff on hosted games and what not i started to get interested. I only really focused on the sex scenes though, the actual romance was nice but I prefered reading people getting it down. But recently reading the Wayhaven books changed that.

I played through Morgan's path first and having now finished all the current books, I have to say that I love it so much. The sex scenes were nice but I think more about the little side quests and events from going around town and talking with her a lot more interesting. Just seeing the PC's and Morgan's relationship turn from a purely physical one to realising each one has feelings for the other honestly is so heatwarming to see. It's a bit embarrassing to say this but I have gotten so attached to her character that it feels like I'm cheating if I go after any other RO in any other game. Which is a bit of a shame because I really want to try out Nat's path as well.

I think some of the reason why I adore the romance in these games is because other games don't really focus on the small parts such as body language to show that these two are intersted in each other. And a lot of the romantic events don't feel 'romantic' in other games- they just feel purely sexual. I don't really feel that in Wayhaven. Yes Morgan is clearly very thirsty and always wanting sex, but thats mainly in the first two games. In the 3rd I love how the game focuses more on their relationship as a whole, as the detective makes Morgan open up about her feelings with the many events we can have one on one with her.

Anyway that's enough from me, sorry for the long read. I know there is a long time to go until this happens, but I am already dreading the day this whole series ends, as I am already missing the whole of Unit Bravo's antics :( .

Aah, what an incredible message!

And yay for getting into the romance of the series! That's why I'm writing it, after all ;D

The physical scenes are indeed fun, but real connection can extend so much deeper than that. Sometimes the emotional stuff comes before and sometimes it comes later and other times it happens at the same time! That's why it's fun writing all the love interests as they all have different speeds at which can progress.

But yeah, M got the feels a looong time ago, but now they're actually starting to realise it...and that's gonna be real fun to write, hehe! :D

Thank you so much for this amazing message! You have no idea how much it made me smile <3

[letshearitforthebabyboy]

very curious.What is Peter’s preference when it comes to sex.(I know the answer will probably be,well gay sex because his main squeeze has a penis-) I’m just wondering if he enjoys heterosexual sex a little more for some reason? Or if it’s a close second.

not to be a cornball or anything but i think he likes sex with anybody he loves a whole lot (he's not choosey) and i don't think he has a preference - he just craves intimacy, and it really, really doesn't matter at all what his partner has in their pants. the only reason he had reservations about gay sex was because of fear of judgement - he doesn't have any sort of fear or preference for any biological sex, me don't think. i think in early days he felt safer about heterosexual sex, because... you know, he thinks it's "normal" but - when it comes to enjoyment and attraction, biological sex isn't a variable at all for him. it's all about emotional attachment - and that is why he's cursed to fall in love with all of his friends (poor guy.)

i really do think sex, to him, is more of an emotional act than a physical one. he finds it so enjoyable because he's able to bear himself and have someone be bear with him. and he'll take that partner, no matter what, and accept them for whatever they've got. and i think he's a true switch, too. he really does love to give just as much as he loves to receive. i talked about how peter parker will always match his partner on terms of power, always always. it's his mutant ability.

not the question but wade undeniably prefers dick. that doesn't mean he doesn't miss vagina. but he prefers dick. (he's a bottom.)

[pariahofpelicantown]

NSFW ABC (Maru)

(Minors DNI)

A = Aftercare

* The level of closeness and vulnerability that comes with intimacy is still sometimes overwhelming for her, so cuddles and gentle kisses are sure to follow.

* Lots of gentle caresses, soft words and tired smiles. 

* She loves when you stroke her hair, or run your fingers along her skin while she cuddles up close to you.

B = Body part

* She is really proud of her forearms. All of her tinkering and building has left them firm and toned, and she’s proud of how dexterous her fingers are. They come in handy when you become intimate and she’s able to show off how skilled they can be.

* She loves your eyes, especially when you are kneeling in front of her, looking up at her and pleasuring her. She loves seeing how much you love her and want her when she looks into your eyes in the moment.

C = Cum

* She’s a little embarrassed at how quickly she cums, especially since she has so many back to back. It only takes a few moments after the first time before she’s cumming again, repeating the process multiple times.

* She was really self conscious of this at first, but she’s learned to be less embarrassed by it after lots of reassurance from you.

D = Dirty secret

* She built her own sex toy. It started out as a normal dildo at first, but after some experimenting she was able to attach it to a motor and make her own fucking machine.

* She only used it once, since she nearly blacked out from how hard she came, and quickly disassembled it to return to a normal sex toy.

E = Experience

* You are her first sexual experience. Before you she had never even kissed anyone, so she is experiencing everything for the first time with you.

* It’s not surprising that she is a fast learner though, and after a few notes she’s proven to be a great lover.

F = Favorite position

* She likes sitting on the counter in her lab or the kitchen counter with you standing between her legs fingering her.

* Similarity, she likes to be on a counter or sitting in a chair while you kneel in front her and eat her out.

G = Goofy

* It’s important for her to feel comfortable with you, so making her laugh is essential to dispel any tension or apprehension.

* She needs to get out of her own head, and needs you to help her relax and lighten the mood to be able to be at ease and enjoy the moment with you.

H = Hair

* She’s completely shaved as she doesn’t want to bother worrying about it. Grooming is just one more thing to deal with and she prefers to get rid of it completely and not have to think about it.

I = Intimacy

* She is very loving and romantic with you. She wants to love you, and be loved in return, and prefers it to be a gentle, loving affair.

* She loves to praise and be praised, and would never what things to be degrading or rough.

J = Jack off

* She has definitely fucked herself, making her own sex toys and being very familiar with her own body. But she much prefers being with you as the emotional connection makes the act all the better.

* She loves machines but they can’t satisfy her emotional needs the way you can. She needs the emotional high much more than the physical high.

K = Kink

* She likes wearing her nurses outfit for you. You told her so often how hot she looks in it that it’s become a bit of an ego boost for her, and loves the way you look at her while she wears it.

L = Location

* She does prefer to keep it to the bedroom most of the time, but she also likes having sex in her lab, especially on her lab table.

M = Motivation

* She loves when you gently nibble her earlobe, or takes her bottom lip between your teeth. A little gentle biting or nibbling from you and she’ll be putty in your hands.

* Whisper how sexy she looks into her ear and she will be completely at your mercy.

N = No

* She’s still experimenting different things with you, so she’s still learning what she does and doesn’t like. But she knows she’ll never want to explore pet play or anything overly degrading.

O = Oral

* She is on a very level playing field. She loves giving as much as receiving, feeling a hint of pride each time she makes you cum with her mouth.

* She loves the taste of you, and loves when you cum on her tongue or in her mouth, loving to taste her accomplishment.

P = Pace

* She’s perfectly fine if you get a little rough with her. Pull her hair a bit, leave bite marks, dig your fingers into her sides. As long as it’s done with love and you don’t actively try to hurt her she likes it a little rough sometimes.

* She also loves when you love her gently and worship her body. Either way she loves the way you make her feel and knows she’ll always be left satisfied.

Q = Quickie

* She has no reservations about it. She’s perfectly happy to go a quick round if it’s all there’s time for as long as you don’t make it a habit.

R = Risk

* She’s a scientist, so she’s always down to experiment. But only after she has researched the topic. If it’s something she feels she will enjoy she will bring it up and be more than open to trying it.

* On the flip side if it’s something she finds distasteful she will stay away from it and not even entertain the idea.

S = Stamina

* She has a pretty high stamina, and has multiple orgasms back to back.

* She has a high endurance, and has no problems taking care of you and making sure you’re as satisfied as she is. She loves the feeling of knowing she wore you out and her strong forearms and hands means she doesn’t tire easily.

T = Toys

* Apart from the ones she made herself, she never bothered to acquire any. She didn’t feel the need to spend money on something she could make herself and they proved to be quite efficient.

* She’ll never admit this to you though and you are none the wiser about it.

U = Unfair

* She tries to tease you, but she always ends up caving first. She’s gotten better and holding out but she’s still not able to outlast you.

V = Volume

* She moans a lot, but isn’t super loud to the point everyone knows what’s happening. It’s just loud enough for you, as that side of her is reserved for you alone.

* She’ll moan your name into your ear, and whimper so only you hear how good you’re making her feel.

W = Wild card

* She has a tattoo of her favorite constellation on her left hip.

X = X-ray

* Her body has the sexiest curves, giving her a gorgeous full figure. Her soft brown skin makes her look like a goddess and she loves the way you look at her when she strips for you.

Y = Yearning

* She wouldn’t consider herself to have an overactive sex drive, but she’s also nowhere near a prude.

* She falls in a normal range and is just as happy to have sex as she is to cuddle up with a movie.

Z = Zzz

* It takes her a while to fall asleep afterwards, as she needs to come down from the high before she can settle down enough to relax and fall asleep.

* She loves pillow talk, and loves snuggling up to you and holding you and feeling that connection with you.

[thisisevenharderthannamingablog]

Episode 7 Gun Scene AKA Give Kinn a (little) Break Please

I've seen lots of meta on the bathroom scene but not much on the precursor.

At the end of 6/6.5 they've cleared the air, established that they're still attracted to one another and that there are Emotions All Up In This Bitch. Kinn having gotten shot puts things on hold. You don't want to try to start a relationship while one of you is recuperating from blood loss etc. So we get some plot for a while, and shenanigans from Vegas and emotional abuse from Korn and pep talks from friends, and then we get the gun scene.

First of all, that hanging-up fake-out was cute AF. Second, Kinn sneaking into the minor house to see him was arguably dumb when there's a whole thing going on tomorrow. Totally worth it, though.

I don't think it's escaped Porsche at this point that Kinn doesn't generally attach value to objects. He's been around the house for a while now, would have noticed that compared to the rest of the family, Kinn's rooms are almost empty of personal touches. (See also, Life in Korn's Panopticon.)

[Aside: Being completely uninterested in objects is one way to perform being Rich as Fuck; you can always buy another one of whatever it is so who cares. I find it interesting how the things he does have tend to underline Kinn's physicality; he's all about the scents and textures, and that's a trait maintained during the sex scenes. An interesting choice in a purely visual medium. Later on, when they're dating, it's about experiences, not things. It seems like that's how it was with Tawan, too, so that's a core characteristic for Kinn.]

Back to loaning Porsche the gun. This gesture is deeply unusual, lets Kinn remind him that he cares without getting all mushy about it (got to keep his head in the game here). Porsche has that shy look.

[Aside: LITERALLY NO ONE in however many years he spent street fighting has ever told Porsche to come back safe. Chay loves him, but Chay needs him in a way that means even if he said the words, it couldn't be just on account of Porsche's value as a person.]

Kinn takes a visible breath before this next bit, takes the plunge and makes the conversation about sex. Bearing in mind that Kinn's usual mode since Tawan has been ordering off the escort menu, this has a fascinating-to-me mix of delicacy (yes! I mean it!) and directness.

First there's the conversational placement; it comes after the concern for Porsche's safety. Second, it's a blunt but not serious way to broach the subject. There's loads of physical space here, and they're alone; Porsche can back away or laugh it off if he's uncomfortable. He doesn't do either one; he keeps it playful, but his body language is let us say "engaged." That tongue motion, FFS. Wave good-bye to Porsche's heterosexuality as it disappears over the horizon. He isn't nervous about the idea or still angry about last time, is 100% DTF after the mission is over. They're close enough to kiss, not going for it, but you can feel the anticipation.

Porsche did ask for some words of encouragement. Be careful tomorrow, come back, and then we're going to do this right (and have a really good time) is pretty encouraging. Kinn's expression gets serious again; they both just melt into the softest of soft looks, forehead touch is my forever weakness. Because this is not just about sex. This is them about to embark on a relationship.

Which they manage to do after a Vegas-induced hiccup that lasts all of a minute and a half.

I think all of that setup explains a lot of Kinn's initial reaction in the bathroom scene; the fact that it was Vegas of all people explains the rest. As far as Kinn can tell in those first few seconds, he let down his guard and just got knifed in the gut for it, and he's got an emotional whipsaw going through the whole scene as he realizes that he jumped to the wrong conclusion. Also explains the rapid shift into sexytimes. It's not just that Kinn prefers actions to words, although he definitely does that; bro has literally been thinking about doing this all damn day. I hope he didn't have to try to focus on any work.

Final note - I'm not sure Kinn actually does have as much of a possessive streak as seems to be a common interpretation? He doesn't act like that about anybody else we see. His jealous streak is mostly focused on Vegas, and that's had a lifetime to accumulate. He has a competitive streak a mile wide (thank you Korn, now there's a man who treats people like possessions), and that does show up consistently with other people.

[toxycodone]

hello, here to read some of ur birth chart!! lmk if anything was accurate, my chart reading abilities are rusty at the moment </3.

obviously let's start off with your sun :3 you're a capricorn sun in the eighth house. (my sun is also in the 8th house!!! twinsies!!) you might go through a lot of career changes throughout your life & your identity itself may evolve and change pretty frequently. lots of rebirths me thinks. imagine a pheonix rising from the ashes, that's u! you might have a difficult or strained relationship with your father lol. i think your sun is in the 29th degree, but assuming that it is, you might go through a huggeee life change when you're 29 years old. since 29 is a leo degree, that might involve having kids or just becoming more confident and gaining a higher self esteem. u probably like having attention. but who doesn't lol

you're a first house cancer moon, you might resemble your mother quite a bit or have a round or square face and large eyes. you could have been very emotional growing up and potentially very attached to your mum. (which is kind of vague ngl a lot of people were attached to their mothers when they were young but eh whatever). you and your mum may have a lot in common. you may be very transparent when it comes to your emotions lol like you probably can't hide when you're upset whatsoever! like your face just says everything. your cancer rising says more or less the same, since it talks about physical appearance/how you present yourself. round face/baby face, may be ticklish, especially on your tummy. silver jewellery may suit you, or u just prefer silver

you being a aquarius mercury in the 8th house explains a lot about u and why you're so 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 on the internet LOL. like the second i saw this placement i laughed so hard because it could not be more perfect. aquarius usually represents technology, the internet, community friendships stuff like that. like i said before, the 8th house talks about rebirth and change, but it also represents death, sex, inheritance blah blah taboo topics in general, really. which i think if you take one look at your blog it speaks for itself LMAOOOO. like piss kink? monsterfucking?? those are the first things that came to mind IT WAS SO OBVIOUSS. but like also no judgement. because i'm also an 8th house mercury. and i like those things. so. anyway to put it simply u were literally born to post freaky shit on tumblr. you've successfully made a lot of friends + garnered an audience that enjoys the same stuff as u. congratulations ^_^ your mercury being in the 8th house made it so you are comfortable talking about topics that others may deem as uncomfortable, which is very very important. also you were probably told you were smart a lot as a kid and may have been considered 'gifted'. meow meow. your 8th house placements are screaming that ur extremely self aware. like to the point that it's a pain in the ass for u. u probably suffer from some kind of anxiety or paranoia of some kind. you probably prefer online dating

that's all the brain power i have atm but if u want more just say the word and i'll be back 😼

ALSO i'm the same anon who sent u this ask --->

https://www.tumblr.com/toxycodone/756122177045135360/minimum-wage-laios-but-hes-not-broke-at-all?source=share

so hello again :3 also have a safe flight to london????? it lowkey sucks here and it's humid as shit right now but still, i hope you have fun LOL

okay I am NOT a horoscope person (I’ve always been kinda ehhhh) but? oh my God…?

Okay this is SUPER accurate. I’ve legit changed so much in the past 3 years it’s INSANE. Even like, if you compared me to a few months ago. My style changes (like at the root it’s the same but still), hair changes, body changes, etc.) I’m always doing something new. Getting a new hobby (recently it’s logic puzzles and sudoku), starting a new series—YEAH. I like to keep it fresh.

my dad and are cool but like. Our relationship IS strained. He doesn’t communicate well and as an autistic person it kills me (like I just recently learned he’s been having knee problems and had been to the doctor for steroids like. WHAT! WHY DIDNT U SAY ANYTHIBG DUDE.) He also doesn’t listen to me or my brother which frustrates us to no end.

AND IVE BEEN TOLD IM LIKE MY MOM. I have a lot of her mannerisms and I was attached to her hip as a kid—she babied me too much. But I’ve finally outgrown that lol. We are still close too.

Okay, I am baby faced as FUCK. Recently my coworker learned I was 24 and she was shocked. She thought I was like 19 at most. And someone thought I was a high schooler recently. Bruh. And I love silver jewelry,,,I mix metals a lot (I’m wearing more gold bc it’s summer) but…silver has my heart. And yes I. Am freaky as FUCK plus. Yeah. I am one to talk about stuff others don’t want to ahsjdhdj I am just really blunt and straightforward but also like…not nervous to discuss taboos.

AND YEAH. I’ve been a gifted kid since elementary (still in honors college to this day) 😭 and my self awareness is off the charts. I’m always like, just aware of what I’m doing (and like, others don’t realize it but I do know when I make people uncomfortable. I just like pushing buttons.)

THE ANXIETY AND PARANOIA GOT ME. Dude. I’m on Lexapro hardcore but before that I was so anxious I genuinely thought others could read my mind and that there was someone living in my house besides me. And my psych diagnosed me w anxiety driven paranoia so. YEAH. YOU GOT ME.

BUT WAIT?!?? UR IN LONDON? Dude maybe we’ll cross paths!! I’ll probably be open about what I’m doing and shi, I’ll be there for 2 weeks. Hehe, maybe I can buy you a pint or something (is that what you Brit’s call it 🤔 /s)

TY FOR THE WELL WISHES AND TYSM FOR THIS YOU ARE AWESOME!!!

[grief-worn]

nsft under the cut.

one thing i ponder sometimes is the nature of shadowheart's sex life. it is not addressed much in-game, and nothing i've read on sharran worship seems to disallow skinship. but shar would not tolerate an emotional attachment ... so i have to assume any encounters shadowheart has had were very casual. but she's not shy about sex when you romance her. she's coy, playful, and seems very receptive to physical intimacy, though she can get a bit uneasy when you discuss actual feelings.

which begs the question. do sharrans just be hitting that nasty on the regular? wouldn't put it past them to use sex to manipulate, but it doesn't seem like that's shadowheart's particular forté, she seems to prefer flirting and surface level seduction. dangling the carrot but never intending to give it.

much to consider. it can be easy to think shadowheart might be a bit conservative when it comes to sex but she's kind of wacky. she even accepts the drow twins. my god girl.

[vacantgodling]

for the birthday boy!!! 2, 8, 17, 21👀

thank youuuuuu 🥰🥰

2: Do they have any daily rituals?

i think because he’s on a schedule at the chateau, that kind of counts as a daily ritual in some regards—especially before hya was the spouse of the keeper, amon’s routine was much stricter and there was less time wasted with leisure. now he gets off doing more things bc of favoritism LMAO. but i don’t think before that / in general he has Specific rituals that are like emotionally significant or meaningful to him. it’s partially bc of a poverty mindset but also because he just doesn’t attach emotional value to doing something repetitively i think. he kind of goes with the flow in most cases.

8: Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

sex & he loves sex so definitely positive LMAOOOO

17: Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

it’s a weird thing, but it’ll make sense as i explain it, but i think the modest kind of butler’s uniform is something that amon really likes? he absolutely hated it at first when he first started working at the chateau because he was used to more loser fitting clothing (dude one of these days i gotta draw a comparison from amon before he started working at the chateau to now because it is Night and Fucking Day), which was obviously lower quality bc he lived in halifax. BUT the longer he’s spent at the chateau, and the longer he wears the uniform (especially in relation to hya it’s bordering kink at this point lmao) the more he comes to kind of associate it with being able to control his circumstances; of taking matters into his own hands and shit. and it’s like “dress for the job you want, not the job you have” mentality, right? so i think that’s kind of how he feels about it. so from the shined shoes, to the gloves (he doesn’t have to wear gloves btw but he does to hide the scars on his hands, just as he doesn’t necessarily Have to wear a high collar but yknow), some part of it when he starts looking in the mirror *feels* intentional. and he always teases hya about his obsession with fashion and his wardrobe but he also kind of starts to understand in a certain way how having control of your wardrobe can really shape how you feel about yourself tm.

this being said i think the most of a ritual he has about his clothes is changing his gloves every two days. he would honestly love to have a new pair every day But who has the money for that? he also sneaks them into the fancy laundry LOL.

21: Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

so this is gonna be under a cut PFFFF

for turn offs, amon doesn’t really have too many. he’s not into daddy/baby or age play as like a hard “nah” BUT he’s also extremely open to trying anything at least once pfff.

so this is a non exhaustive list of this ridiculous man’s ridiculous kinks, referenced from this list i found LOL

impact “play” (not really spanking so much as he gets turned on getting into actual fucking fights 💀 — but this does extend to spanking, slapping, flogging the works)

being restrained (doesn’t matter how — this includes being hog tied, gags, blind folds, the only restraint he doesn’t like is cock cages because he enjoys more of the challenge of having to physically keep himself from cumming and then if he fails he gets punished vibes)

most orgasm play (edging, forced, overstimulation, denial, the works)

breath play (choking on cock is literally his favorite thing as seen by *gestures to birthday present*, but the only person who he lets get an actual hand around his neck is hya bc he trusts him)

he’s obvs got a big oral fixation cock worship + rimming are high on his list

he likes getting RAILED. rough sex, some slight dubcon (he’s always willing but the roleplay of it after a fight is fun). speaking of getting railed, orgies and bukkakes he enjoys a lot. sloppy seconds, the works. he is such a risky sex haver jfc 💀 this all kind of falls into the “primal sex play” category ig so like. wrestling, biting, scratching—hell blood play as well is a Huge turn on for him. please draw blood he’ll cum so hard.

skin sensation play is a new one he tries with hya but he enjoys it. wax and ice are his favorites.

degradation and humiliation clearly. he’s also very obviously a bratty sub he likes to talk back and get punished. tho he does sub more often he is Technically a switch and can be dom but his dom tastes are actually vastly different than his sub tastes. as a sub, he’s very much like “Fuck. Me. Up.” but as a dom he’s more caring and tender; he only tops if he really Cares about someone and thus…. does not top often PFFF. it’s not that he doesn’t care about hya tho, it’s just the fact that hya is a top 99% of the time (tho amon does top hya more in the realm of after they get married and i gotta write that out cuz when me and my partner talked about it i cried over how emo i got LMAO)

he’s also an exhibitionist annnnnnnnd he’s a lil bit into other body fluids like spit and piss a lil bit. hya will not let him live it down despite amon swearing it was just once PFFF.

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

One last request before I go to sleep for the night bc I know I have classes tomorrow: May I please have one order of favorite ways to give and receive affection, are they loud and proud about their relationships or do they prefer to keep it private with a side of would your muse be the one doing most of the cooking or not and is your muse good at housework for Peter please? I hope I'm not asking too much. Have a nice night.

Soft Sunday meme

aaaaa you're never asking too much, I love it!! <3

Favorite way to receive affection?

Really anything, kissing and holding hands and sex and… anything. But, if he’s being honest with himself, he really just sort of likes cuddling. For all his tough exterior and bad attitude, that’s something he craves more than anything. To be pressed up against you, skin meeting skin, every inch of him as close to you as is physically possible. His favorite thing in the world is to be tucked away from everyone and everything, in this little bubble that’s only the two of you, and for you to take him in your arms. Although he hates to admit it, because he doesn’t want to think he needs protecting… he likes the feeling of being protected by you. With you just shutting everything out that could harm him. He loves it when you’re telling him without a single word that you think he’s worth protecting.

Favorite way to give affection?

Most of the time it comes in the form of sex. (Or, at least, offering sex.) Not only does he think it’s all he’s good for, the only thing of value he really has to give you, he also just finds it effective. There’s a lot of intimacy wrapped up in one event ― physical touch, emotional vulnerability, kissing and nuzzling and quiet security in the afterglow. There are days which get busy and he can’t find the time to spend doing a lot of different things with you, unfortunately. Much as he likes sex in general, it’s also a way to ‘make up’ for the fact that he might not have a lot of time to spend with you. This way he can bond with you, satisfy you, and cuddle with you all in the span of one activity. Clever, innit?

Are they loud and proud about their relationships, or do they keep it private?

Oh, please, he is most definitely a braggart when it comes to everything, and romantic relationships are no different. You know this, and you love him anyway. He will proclaim it as loud as he possibly can, for the simple fact that he’s just proud to have you on his arm. For one thing, the new circus members need to know that you’re off limits and that flirting with you will earn them the pleasure of being yelled at to “keep y’r bloomin’ ‘ands ta y’rself, got it?!” For another thing, he thinks, who wouldn’t want to brag when he has someone like you? He just can’t keep his mouth shut about it. He does forget that… well… if need be, any attachments can be used as leverage against him and his family. If he were smarter, he might keep you more of a secret, but…

Would your muse be the one doing most of the cooking or not?

That depends… do you want him doing most of the cooking? Although he isn’t the best cook in the world, he certainly has some experience from rotating that particular job in the circus. It usually falls to new members, but fair’s fair and the first-stringers have all done their time with cooking for everyone. So while he’s not a pro or anything, cooking is something he can do pretty well. He’s not bad at it, at the very least. The biggest problem is that any kind of kitchen in a permanent residence would have to be set up for someone his height, or have hidden tricks to make everything accessible for him. He’s okay doing most of the cooking if that’s what you want; before the two of you, er, move in together, it’s just something you have to decide so that you can make sure to get a kitchen that serves whichever is best. If you don’t like to cook, he’ll do it just fine. He simply needs the proper tools! (Though, he definitely won’t whine if you’d prefer to do most of the cooking.)

Is your muse good at housework?

He’s… not not good at it…! It’s something he tries very hard with, because he doesn’t feel like a good boyfriend/husband/what-have-you if he leaves all of that to you. There are certain aspects of it that he struggles with, like reaching high places to clean things. For the most part, he really isn’t that bad at it. He’s used to manual labor and physical work, so he doesn’t often get tired when he does housework. And he isn’t much prone to getting distracted when he tries to clean, so he gets things done. You might have to finish up some things or teach him better ways to do certain things, but he actually does a fairly good job with housework.

[pokeheros-drama]

Forgive me if the images aren’t on the post. They’re attached below as a redundancy. All I’m going to say is our newest social pariah needs a lesson in handling conflict. Cath here, the screenshots are mine as proof it’s me.

I love that you comment toxic misinformation on my feed, tell me my facts are opinions, and to “ha e a great day!” And then I’m blocked? With no preamble? I can see your feeds still. There are screenshots here on the drama blog. I don’t live under a rock: I know what you said. I’m just glad that their are other people to call you out too.

So Bretty: stop. Just shut up. Quit while you’re ahead. Your excuses don’t work on me. I come from a devout catholic family. I know the mixed messages from religion first-hand. I was raised on the fact that “boys can’t marry boys” was an unspoken principle, girls marry and serve their husbands. Many people in my life make you look like a rainbow warrior. It’s the type of thing that I don’t know how much of my family will react if I come out to them, so… I don’t. It’s my personal choice. I hear them make comments, and have to smile and nod, because I don’t know what they say. They intrude on my safe space and cite religion when they can.

But anonymously, online, I do everything I can to make sure people can have a safe space. I don’t need to take your fucking bigotedness. So here’s your bullshit, debunked.

1. Bisexuality is not just a Phase. This myth comes from people in the process of finding their sexuality that have a bisexual experience, even though they are not bisexual. It’s okay to experiment, as long as you set healthy expectations with your potential partner(s). In bisexuality, the physical and emotional attraction is more important than gender and, because of this, bisexuals choose to not limit themselves to either men or women.

2. Bisexual People are not just confused. As I stated before, preference is a thing. Some bisexuals choose to “lean straight,” meaning they generally prefer members of the opposite sex, while same-sex partners are still an options. Other bisexuals can “lean gay,” where they prefer members of the same sex but opposite gender relationships can still be an option. This is a matter of personal choice and has nothing to do with confusion.

3. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to be bisexual. Ohmygosh, you have bi friends in heterosexual relationships! “We have an understanding,” you said. “I’m fine with them,” you said. “I have no problem with bisexual people,” you said, with a caveat you didn’t even realize attached to the end. So are they doing it right and the rest of the LGBTQIA+ community is doing it wrong? People live their truth. It’s not your right to judge it.

Let’s define your viewpoints so you know the severity of your words. Homophobia, or heterosexism, is the assumption that people should be, or are, heterosexual. (Medical News Today) It is the fear, mistrust, hatred, or discomfort toward those who experience same-sex attraction. (Planned Parenthood). It can also take many different forms, ranging from the use of negative and offensive language, to more extreme forms, including bullying, abuse, and physical violence. A person may exhibit homophobic tendencies or thoughts due to their upbringing or conservative religious beliefs. That does not excuse said beliefs. Experiencing discrimination in any setting can have a huge impact on a person’s health.

Every website I have visited says something along the lines of “People can also speak out when they witness homophobia/heterosexism, for example, when a person makes an offensive joke or bullies others.”

Just try for five seconds to imagine a world where you’re wrong. Please. I haven’t even blocked you back yet if you want to talk. Message me. I’m still willing to hear you out. I’m willing to teach, provided you’re willing to listen.

As always, my palpad is open for all who take offense with my words. (Sorry blog owner, it’s another Cath essay!)

Images:https://ibb.co/JnPBGh7https://ibb.co/hHvD3Bqhttps://ibb.co/TwPrmxvhttps://ibb.co/47V6FMLhttps://ibb.co/wC7F71p

Sources:https://www.healthyplace.com/gender/bisexual/top-myths-about-bisexualityhttps://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/homophobiahttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dating-decisions/201405/3-myths-about-bisexuality-debunked-sciencehttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-things-lgbtq/201712/the-dangers-homophobia

Mod edit; For some reason, the links all go to the same thing. If you reblog this with the sources fixed, I’ll reblog it.

[kallistcs]

7 for all muses except Adonis (bc you already answered)

Hehe 7 (how do they view sexual intimacy and love?) for all of them it is!

Ganymede So, I can rather say that this is definitely part of why I have given Ganymede some sort of experience (more or less innocent) before Zeus. It's important to me he has some idea of what it feels like when he has a crush/is in love, sexually attracted to someone and plain wants sex. Things didn't go very far (at most handjobs) beyond kissing, but he has some footing.

So, it goes kind of like this, in a couple stages; at the very beginning he views these two things as pretty separate. If not completely, then mostly so, but ideally they should be present together, shouldn't they? (It's not that easy to be basically exclusively gay and not being able to express that while knowing you do have to marry a woman and he wants her to be happy and satisfied, too.)

Then it turns out he doesn't really have to choose about this. And that he doesn't just feel they should ideally be connected (but he still thinks this) but that he very much does prefer them to be. He's got more of a sex drive than he thought.

Paris So, first things first: one of (if not the) biggest ways he expresses his love and affection, whether familial, platonic, or romantic, is through physical touch. If someone's not comfortable with that, he'll refrain, but like. The more he loves you, the more he wants to show that.

That, of course, means that for Paris sex(ual intimacy) and love are very, very much connected. Almost one. It might even seem like he thinks they're the exact same thing, especially since he does have a very impressive sex drive, but no, he does know they're different things. He is full of feelings all the time and wants to express them. Physically, yes, but he's also very, very good with his words, and putting intent into words. (Catch him flirting with songs that don't even have anything to do with sex or romance in any way.)

Sex and sexual intimacy doesn't have to have anything to do with any actual love or necessarily affection, of course. Paris is very much into two people enjoying themselves because they want to, and want to feel good, and that is all there needs to be about it. And obviously love doesn't need to be attached to sex and Paris is aware of this. But - for Paris, at least, it almost has to be. How can he express what he feels without making who he's into feeling good in this intimate way, without getting as close as is physically possible for two mortals to get?

The rest under the cut!

Angelos I do think she's got a good idea of balance between these two. She knows the difference, and she can take or leave one with or without the other and long as everyone is on the same page.

On the other hand, Angelos probably isn't very fond of being vulnerable to the sort of degree love with sexual intimacy means. So she's mostly engaged in sex(ual intimacy) without love, until later in historical times. Since she knows what she's doing, most of the time it's... worked out fine, I'd say.

Antilochus ... Okay, this baby boy got into prime sex having years in the middle of a war, and that sort of situation tangled up with the potential for real emotions is definitely a bad combination. He does not get to grow up (it'd undoubtedly have taken post-war time and peace situation for that) to learn differently, so these two things are definitely tangled up with each other. Setting aside his crush on/relationship with Achilles (and Patroclus), as it comes to any others he might have gotten entangled with, it's probably really good he did have Thrasymedes there to be a protective older brother.

Otherwise, given how many older siblings he's had around him and the family he has, he undoubtedly would've had a good basis for a good, balanced development of the connection and separation between both of these concepts.

Hermaphroditus Romantic enough they can take or leave the sex parts of any relationship, and given their wariness about that, probably just as well. It takes a lot of time and intentional effort (on both their and the potential partner's side) for them to trust anyone enough to tangle together love and sex. Add the fact that they're a bit of a "curiosity" and that doesn't help their willingness to trust others with being intimately vulnerable with someone in terms of sex. They're far more willing to risk their heart than the rest of them.

Penthesilea Grown up woman with solid ideas of what's what. As she grew up she also had the circumstances to let her form these ideas even then. The only hiccup was just a few years around her having accidentally killed her sister; as this was also in late teens, it... did mess things up for a while since she definitely threw herself into sex as one of her many distraction (not really coping) mechanisms.

But she's had a lot of support, so that didn't really do any lasting "damage" to her view on or approach to either sexual intimacy and love, in the end.

Teucer He's very asexual (but does still engage in sex, here and there during the war - and after, at least enough so he and his wife get a child or two) but not aromantic. Of course, that's definitely not what's expected of him, but Teucer has basically gone through life pretty uncaring about how he's not as interested as he "ought to be". He did think his first dive into sex after the disastrous attack on Teuthrania was some sort of late awakening, but when it wasn't, he just took his rare spikes of interest/need as they came. Probably sort of baked up his non-interest in his concern for being at Ajax's side, even pre-war, so that would've been one more thing that got shaken up when Ajax dies.

Achilles I think the thing is here that when his romantic and sexual interests align, things work out fine. He's functional enough about it!

When they do not... Like. Look. Either we fall on the side of "Achilles thinks sexual intimacy and interest is the same as love, and then learns it's very much not that when he realizes he does not think Briseis' presence at his side was worth losing the person he DOES have that joint interest in" OR, he can tell them apart and was always lying about "oh I love her, she is my wife, it's not just the Atreides who love their wives now is it!" and merely values her for what she is, a symbol of his kleos (which would definitely still exist in the first possibility).

Either way, he can clearly take sex without love, and it's possible he even on some level would view sex without that initial affection not really as sexual intimacy, since that does require a willingness to be vulnerable. Which he would undoubtedly only be willing to be with some very few people.

Dryope Given how she's spent time since mid-teens with nymphs, she's got a good idea and balance to all this, and has had opportunities in spades. It's also probably let her learn that affection/fondness for someone you have sex with isn't the same as love, either, as it comes to the husband she only stays with until her son is old enough.

Sinope Girl is not interested, most of the time. Likes to cuddle and pet and maybe kiss, and she learned that early enough. If you're another nymph/woman, anyway. She's even less interested in men, in both ways... which she probably realized when she got all that unwanted attention. Love is definitely decoupled from sexual intimacy for her, and she prefers it that way.

[90363462]

6 Tips For Dealing With A Sexually Incompatible Spouse

Shellie R. Warren

Mar. 29, 2019 07:12PM EST

I grew up in the Church. I went to Christian schools too (well, my elementary education was Christ-like; looking back, the EEOC should've come in and shut my high school all the way down). Looking back, if there's one topic that never really got discussed in either setting, it's sex. It really is sad that although the Bible has PLENTY to say about it (Song of Solomon is an entire book about it!), in my humble opinion, far too many folks do the very opposite of what Genesis 2:24-25 instructs us not to do—they attach shame to nakedness. Sad. Very sad.

That's why, whenever I do premarital counseling couples, I tend to spend at least 3-4 weeks on sexual intimacy—what you were taught about sex, your views on sex, your expectations of sex, etc. Because if you're gonna actually do what you vowed and remain with someone until death parts you, that's a REALLY LONG TIME to be sittin' somewhere sexually pissed off at least half of the time.

media1.tenor.com

And yet. It happens. A LOT. Not just to couples who waited until marriage to partake, but people who felt they should "test the car before driving it too" (I'm with Meagan Good on this one—we need to drop that comparison; people are not cars). And since the importance of sex isn't explored as in-depth as it needs to be, lots of people find themselves faking it, making excuses not to do it or…yes, cheating. And you know what? All three of those approaches to sexual incompatibility are unhealthy and super counterproductive. They really are.

So, what do I recommend you should do if you and your spouse aren't as sexually harmonious as you'd like to be? For starters, consider that what's really going on may not be as much about sex as you might think. It could be a myriad of things that have created your not-so-perfect storm.

How To Deal With A Sexually Incompatible Partner

1.Ponder If It's Sexual or Emotional

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There's a couple I worked with where the husband hated to give oral sex but was all about receiving it. On the surface, this is childish and selfish, I'll give you that. But counseling is about digging beneath the surface. That said, his wife misspends money, makes major decisions without his input, plays the victim when she's called out on her reckless behavior and rarely apologizes for any of this. As a result, he feels like she also is a very selfish individual (he's right), so he doesn't want to give her his all. Naturally, he's not big on cunnilingus; however, he doesn't even feel the desire to "make the sacrifice" because of how put off he is emotionally.

Do you see how, on the surface, it looks like they aren't on the same page when it comes to a particular sex act when the reality is there is a profound emotional disconnection? Whatever it is that you and your spouse are struggling with in the bedroom, don't just assume that it's sexual or physical. Sometimes, there's a deep emotional issue going on too.

2.Next, Figure Out If It's Actually About Sex or Selfishness

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A lot of people frown on couples who wait until marriage to get it on, but here's something to keep in mind. When you're single and sexually active, whether you realize it or not, you tend to be pretty selfish. I'm not saying when it comes to your stamina, technique or tricks. I'm talking about your overall mentality. Single sex is about having sex solely on your terms. Married sex requires considering someone else and making compromises along the way.

Here's an example. Say that you love morning sex while your spouse prefers to have sex at night. Did you know that science is discovering that a part of what makes us morning people or night owls has to do with our genetic make-up? When you were single, you had sex when you felt like it; your partner(s) had to get in where they fit in. 

Now that you're married, it's important to take your partner's needs into account. 

If you like it in the morning, sometimes you might have to stay up late because they don't. If you're a night owl, sometimes you might need to sleep a couple of extra hours in order to get the job done before work. My point is this—whatever isn't happening the way that you would like, how much of it is about you wanting sex just the way you want it without figuring out if it pleases your partner or not? What some think is sexual incompatibility is really nothing short of 100 percent Grade-A selfishness. Real talk.

4.Also, Be VERY CAREFUL Who You Share Your Issues With

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I can't remember who originated the quote, but one of my favorites is, "Complain to someone who can actually help you." To be at work or on the phone with someone who also has a less-than-stellar sex life isn't going to help you to take a more positive and proactive approach to what's happening in your own bedroom. All it's going to do is encourage you to be even more negative about your situation. Also, based on who you're talking to (and how often), it might set you up to be caught up in anemotional affair as well.

There's something else to consider when you're discussing your bedroom issues—just because you're dissatisfied doesn't mean the next gal would be. Make sure you're talking to someone who is genuinely being helpful…not just nosey. And ultimately, messy.

5.Make Sex a Higher Priority in Your Relationship

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Another couple that I've worked with? They've been married for over a decade, the husband is headed towards his late 40s, and he still prefers to have sex 3-4 times a day (quickies included). His wife? She's good with having it a couple of times a month. Yep, sexually incompatible.

Some might wonder how they even jumped the broom with an issue like this not being addressed. Oh, but this is another example of how having sex before marriage can creep up on you. When they were dating, it was a long-distance relationship. So, of course, they could have sex for hours on end whenever they saw one another. But once they got married and saw each other every day, things changed. It reminds me of a hilarious comedy clip that I recently watched entitled, "Real Couples Don't Hold Each Other All Night". 

Sometimes sex before marriage falsely advertises in ways we wouldn't predict.

What did I recommend that they do? Make sex a priority in their marriage; not just the physical aspect but the emotional and spiritual too. While she needed to be open to having sex more often, her husband needed to think about what he could do to make his wife desire him more from an emotional and spiritual standpoint.

Sometimes spouses aren't sexually compatible because they don't feel close enough to their partner to want to do certain things or have sex more often. Sometimes, when the other rooms of the house are handled (metaphorically speaking), the bedroom takes care of itself.

6.Put a "Sexual Needs Box" on Each Nightstand

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A lot of us make relationships a lot more complicated than they have to be because we act like a want is an actual need. 

Wants are what we desire; needs are what is required.

Am I saying that sex is not a need? I am saying the total opposite of that! Even the Bible says that if you withhold from your partner, you can open the doors to all sorts of mayhem and foolishness (I Corinthians 7:1-5). From a legal standpoint, some states will let you have what is called a "fault divorce". Things that fall under this category are constructive desertion, cruelty or abandonment based on a lack of marital relations (sex).

However, sex is a pretty general word. In order to have great sex with your partner, it's important to also discuss what both of your wants and needs are. What are y'all's desires vs. what is required for you to feel fully satisfied (essential)? Talk those things out, jot them down on sheets of paper, pick up a couple of boxes from Target or Pottery Barn and put those answers inside. Your answer box should go on your husband's nightstand; his should go on yours. Then make it a point to revisit what is on those sheets of paper and mutually commit to meeting one another's needs (more often).

Even if your spouse isn't the perfect sex partner, a part of what your love commitment is all about is meeting each other's needs—in the bedroom or out. If you're both determined to do that, you have a lifetime to learn how to make each other climb the walls; to make sexual incompatibility a temporary issue, not a lifelong sentence.

Featured image by Getty Images.

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Maintenance Sex Could Be The Key To A Successful Marriage - Read More

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[spacecadetspe]

Sept. 29, 2023

W's birthday is coming up, and I decided to throw him a party. It was a last-minute decision, since I hadn't heard anything about what X was planning, but I managed to make arrangements quickly and fight a migraine to create and print two dozen invitations for W's classmates. Then I sent him off to his father's as usual. I thought I did well!

And then I got flack for it. X berated me for being "secretive" and not "coparenting," when all of this was simply last-minute. He told me they had been making plans of their own (I hadn't been told, but he said I had), and then told me he didn't feel like "crashing a party I had planned." On top of being petty and threatening to not come to his own son's birthday because I planned it, he then demanded that I bring W early on Sunday, sacrificing more of my time with him after having NO financial help this month at all.

Not only was I livid, I was conflicted. If I told him off, he'd come after me in the night again. I wasn't prepared to fight him off again, or weather a metaphysical beating and lack of sleep. If I consented, I would be letting him walk all over me, and I knew it. So I froze.

Fortitude told me to be laconic with X, one-word answers wherever I could manage, but I couldn't. I was just... done for the night.

Fortitude eventually lay down beside me, kissed me, tried to comfort me. We even had sex that night. It... wasn't the best we'd had, but that was hardly his fault. I just wasn't in the right mind space, and I was already hurting. Then, of course, he saw that it hadn't worked for me and despaired.

"I don't know what to do anymore," is his typical complaint. He gives everything; every ounce of his attention, his channeling (there was a point when he would channel for me 16 hours a day because I was in such an awful place emotionally), his affection, his being present for me and W... It's unhealthy. I love him, and I love what he gives, but... it's unhealthy. He breaks himself into pieces for me, and I hate it.

I don't want him carrying my burdens. I just want him to hold my hand.

"You promised you'd try," he said.

I felt something inside me crack. I sat up, and promptly broke down. "I'm TRYING!" I wailed. I'm pretty sure the neighbors could hear me. "I'm trying! I'm trying! I'm trying..." I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop screaming or sobbing or crying, louder than I'd ever done in as long as I can remember. I have never felt myself split in two like that.

I didn't sleep much Sunday night. Fortitude had given too much of his energy in our interaction, and I was restless. My eyes were puffy the next morning, but honestly I didn't feel much of anything. It was disconcerting, not having an inner voice, or even an understanding of my own preferences. That meant something big had happened.

I had split off from a major aspect, one who for now I will just call "Try." She was the one who structured all my stylistic preferences, my affections for certain fashions, my decision-making skills... all of it had collapsed. A massive, intricate, cathedral-like structure of all the things and concepts I cherished... turned into what amounts to orbeez in a fountain; very general ideas of what goes where (food in one tier, shelter in another, family in another), but virtually no underlying structure tying one idea to another.

And so here I've stayed for almost a week. At first, it was concerning that I didn't care anything about the clothes in my closet (except when I was cold) or the makeup on my counter. I don't care which hairstyle I use or which jewelry (none at all, today). I don't... have an inner voice all of a sudden, to tell me what I should like... or don't.

That being said, I also don't have the same understanding of what attaches me to physical things like clothes. I could go into my closet right now and probably toss out about 80% of my belongings with no emotional backlash.

I also had the clarity to decide what to do about X, now that I have no inner conflict. I invited him to the party (or should I say, W invited him). Fortitude disagreed with my choice, but I explained that if I was indeed going to have to coparent with that neanderthal, I was going to make him eat his fucking pride before I sacrificed a single minute of time with my son. And honestly, I'm okay with matching the petty energy. I'm sick to death of letting him bully me, when he contributes nothing to this. Unlike last year, when we went halvsies on W's party, X has not lifted a finger. So I feel pretty entitled to my decision.

In other news, I've fully made up with Phobetor, and have started doing the rounds again. He approached me last week, after the dreamlings died, to help me process. I was so out-of-sorts that I couldn't even focus on him; I thought he was Phantasos! Can you imagine? Two polar opposites; the goth middle child and the flamboyant younger child in a mixup! Poor Phobetor... I wonder if he could pull it off!

Meantimes, Morpheus has been working with the Hellkin on creating a serum derived from yew, of all things, to help process taint more efficiently. I wasn't sure how well that would go over; yew is incredibly toxic. But... I trust Morpheus' pharmacological expertise. He told me his uncle had blessed the tree, to be so poisonous. Sounds like the story of the jabillo tree and Xipe Totec. Obviously Morpheus had no idea who that is. That's funny all on its own.

I saw one of my friends when I was going about the rounds, as well. Enéa, a psychic who lived 2,500 years ago in what is now Saudi Arabia. He reminds me a lot of Adam Driver in his face and mannerisms. He's a sweet man (or perhaps the soul of a man), and when I told him my concerns he offered the solution that I should just give myself some time to be a little numb. Enjoy it, in fact! I stepped off the roller coaster at last. After some good advice (and some excellent wine and cuddles), I was off again to join the rounds.

I'll get through this. I always do. A little at a time, I'll rebuild.

[milkb0nny]

I started reading Lookism again and well, here we are. I'm a total mess for Gun. Q^Q

I decided to write some more wholesome (semi-lewd) headcanons for him. I won't focus on any sugar daddy stuff.

｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍈｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡ 🍐｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍈｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍐｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡

𝘄𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗲𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗚𝘂𝗻

webtoon lookism: Gun

｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍈｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡ 🍐｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍈｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍐｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡

🍈 Gun usually isn't interested in emotional relationships. That he got into one with you is something really special and he treasures it. He makes sure you're safe and healthy all the time. Losing you would mean losing his only emotional attachment to someone.

🍈 His touches are very gentle and caring. Gun his rough hands are warm and strong. He'll catch you when you trip but his grip is never too strong to hurt you. He knows how to handle your body and Gun is aware his strength could hurt you. He's very soft with physical affection.

🍈 Expect Gun to hug you very deeply. He doesn't seem to be affectionate on the outside but with you he's way more intimate. If he had a bad day he'll seek comfort in you. Long and passionate hugs give him an emotional escape from all the fights. Don't get me wrong - Gun has a strong personality but everyone struggles in their own way deep down.

🍈 Gun also does the same for you. When you have a hard time in life he'll try to make it easier for you. Surely he'll be a little cocky about it but his warm heart beats for you. He cleans after you, takes chores off of your shoulders and takes you out. Usually he'll drive you to a forest in the night and takes a calm and lovely walk with you.

🍈 When he's in the mood for something more than just a harmless makeout, he always makes sure you're up for it too. He'd never force you to have sex with him when you're not in for it. His manners keep him from being a beast and you appreciate his care a lot. Gun caring about your well being is first priority, then comes the naughty.

🍈 Gun likes to walk around freely without a shirt. When he can flex in front of you, he will do it in an elegant way. He'll just stand there, posing against a wall and smoking a cigarette while looking in your eyes. He always notices when your cheeks glow red.

🍈 He has money but he won't put his whole personality on it. You are aware he owns a huge amount of it but you don't know how. He keeps you away from dangerous business. You know he fights a lot but you're not entirely sure why that is. Because Gun is deeply attached to you, you can't get in danger and face violence.

🍈 He loves when you trace his scars with your fingers and adore them. Well, you adore him for being that strong and tough, never really failing. It makes him feel proud when you treat his wounds or look at his scars. Goo always mocks him for it but you defend your boyfriend. Gun is even more proud, when that happens.

🍈 In connection with the habit that he is shirtless, cuddling will be like a dream. His body is really heated up and like perfect spot to press yourself against. He'll hold you close to him and enjoy the smell of your hair. Gun actually loves cuddly evenings as much as the lewder ones. Holding his tiny world in his arms and kissing your forehead makes him feel a certain way he can't entirely describe.

🍈 Taking baths with you is your way to go when you both are stressed. Sitting in the steaming bathtub and being so close together is a intense feeling. You two often drink a glass of juice. Gun doesn't really love when you consume alcohol. He's always concerned about you being drunk and prefers you sober.

🍈 His favorite body part of yours? Your collarbone. Gun loves touching and kissing it. He also loves your legs a lot. They're quite a weakness of his mind.

🍈 What he loves most? When you kiss him between the eyes. He's so grateful for your presence and that he owns your feelings. That you're not scared of his presence and feel comfortable around him. Not everyone would dare to go this far with Gun and Gun wouldn't dare to go this far with anyone else but you.

｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍈｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡ 🍐｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍈｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍐｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡