#I just finished lapin’s big day

[feelingtheaster99]

Okay so I’m watching a crown of candy for the first time and I’m so amped and so angry about the pontifex that I can hardly think about anything else (let alone try to get to bed at a decent time).

This woman was so fucking pressed about seding some of her power to a new, progressive emperor that she:

Tortured a war hero for scandalous information about one of his closest friends (I’m assuming that was what was gonna on with Manta Ray Jack beaten and bloody in the dungeon)

Publicly excommunicated a king from the church

Openly declared war on Candia, ending 20 YEARS of peace for her religious war bullshit

[pawthorn]

I’m so glad that Tomas is going to be part of Neverafter next week, so glad we may get more Pib moments, more of his story and what makes him tick.

Because Pib is another in a long line of Zac’s characters that stand slightly apart from the rest of the party, out of focus and out of the spotlight.

Let’s break it down.

Note: I don’t know Gorgug as well as a character and haven’t finished sophomore year, so I’m not going to go into depth with him, but as an Orc raised by Gnomes, I feel like he fits this too. Also leaving out Coffin Run because that, while great, is its whole own Thing. Anyway, here’s the rest.

Ricky Matsui. When the story starts, he’s neither an established part of the Unsleeping City like Kugrash, Kingston, and Misty, nor brand new like Sophia and Pete. He holds more allegiance to regular old New York than any of the others. This position of being caught in the middle is amplified in TUC 2, where he is no longer a firefighter, no longer a fighter at all, but in between and separate. And he recognizes this same feeling of separation in JJ, and that connection helps save the day.

Lapin Cadbury. The sole full caster among warriors. Not royalty or family. Keeping secrets from the Church and the other PCs. Unwillingly indebted to the Sugarplum Fairy. Left behind and gone too quickly.

Cumulous. Quite literally an outsider. The only PC with a connection to the Hungry One. He strikes off on his own multiple times to give the party the best chance possible. In the end, when everyone is discussing allegiances, Cumulous never chooses sides. There was an assumption that his ties to magic put him on Saccharina’s side, Saccharina and Theobald approach him, but he is the only one who never commits one way or the other.

Norman. Grumpy asshole captain, betrayed by his former commanders. His entire crew is fine with him being brain-slugged. No one is on his side.

Skip. Slug prince who chooses the crew over his kingdom. Who couldn’t fully communicate who or what he was to the rest of the characters for a good chunk of the show. Who had more compassion for his host than anyone else ever had. So much compassion that he and Norman become something new together.

And now, Pib. Who is not a character in the same way the others are. Who is not just Puss in Boots, but the Cat. Who explores Drosselmeyer’s carriage and the Lines Between, alone. Who spies on the Fairy’s servants, alone. Who talks to Alphonse, alone. But who also will not allow Tomas to be eaten by Fox, or Alphonse to be killed. Not fully character or archetype, but something of both, in between and separate.

I love Zac’s characters so much. There are plenty of outsider characters in D20 history, but Zac’s hit different. They’re never clamoring to be heard or understood, or wrestling violently with the concept of self. They have this quiet, almost expected loneliness coupled with a deep well of compassion. It’s incredibly beautiful and never quite the same, and so enthralling to me.

Anyway, I’m in no rush to jump into Pib’s story, because I know we’ll get there eventually. Even if fandom tends to dismiss Zac’s characters, Brennan never does, so I know big things are coming for Pib, one way or another.

Because Brennan's stories are almost always about choosing compassion against all odds, and that is the core on nearly every Zac Oyama character.

[brainrot-42069]

Guys my best friend is watching A Crown Of Candy and I told her she had to watch Chaos In The Cathedral with me. They just texted me "I hate you" after finishing Lapin's Big Day.

[twiggy-ink]

just finished rewatching a crown of candy WOWWWWWW WOWOWOWWWWW what an incredible show. truly riveting and engaging the whole way through.

i think my favorite episodes were The Grand Tournament, Lapin’s Big Day, and The Two Balls (haha).

also i think Liam is one of ally’s most powerful characters ever. mainly in combat but liam’s narrative influence is absolutely insane as well.

[lcnelyday]

𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒖𝒏  .   ♡

tagged  by  : no one. i saw it on the dash and i copy pasted. i think from @chronicsunshincs specifically?

tagging  :  @wynterlanding, @reveriemxses, @rennisaturate

𝐃𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄.

⋆   what’s your phone’s wallpaper ?  i am in my heartbroken era, so it's mostly a collection of evermore lyrics. not very summer, but neither am i tbh.

⋆   the last song you listened to ?  up the wolves by the mountain goats was just playing but now i am listening to ceilings by lizzy mcalpine

⋆   currently reading ?  the masked empire (a dragon age novel) by patrick weekes.

⋆   last movie you saw ?  oh. uh. nope i think, but i didn't finish it. like, barely started it because i was watching it with my big brother and he has the attention of a gnat. so full movie was to all the boys always and forever i think.

⋆   last show you watched ?  technically dimension20s neverafter, but like, succession. i sobbed.

⋆   what are you wearing right now ?  a grey tshirt and black shorts. it's laundry day tomorrow.

⋆  how tall are you ?  5'7 and i hate it

⋆  piercings / tattoos ?  i have tattoos, all on the left side of my body, three stick and poke and three gun. one of which i do not like to talk about because it was a massive mistake. oh! and my nose! i have my septum pierced!

⋆   glasses / contacts ? glasses because i cannot afford contacts.

⋆   last thing you ate ?  spinach cheese pizza.

⋆   favorite color(s) ?  honey yellow, soft pink, olive/army/sage green and like a burnt orange.

⋆   current obsession ?  dimension20 and making characters.

⋆   do you have a crush right now ?  i do not! i am in my heartbroken era baby.

⋆   favorite fictional character ? right this moment? fox mulder, lapin (d20), natalie from yellowjackets, nick miler, tom womsgans, krieger, thom rainier/blackwall, poison ivy, klaus hargreeves and viktor hargreeves, anyone that victoria pedretti plays ever at all but especially dani.

⋆   last place you visited ?  visited is so vague. i went to my brother's apartment last night, but he was in bed, so i sat on his picnic table for an hour watching dimension20. like actual visit? my eldest brother's for my niece's birthday? it's an hour out of town. i am poor man. i don't go anywhere or do anything.

[chungledown-bimothy]

I started acoc and then when I got to the bit after they escape the chuch and Lapin [redacted] I had to take a break bc it was stressing me out so much. Then I started ACOFAF n the interpersonal drama is taking me out 🍉

Yeah no that's valid af

I just finished Lapin's Big Day; Chaos in the Cathedral is about to start. I am so far from prepared lol

I really should rewatch ACOFAF. It's so good, idk why I haven't gone back to it.

[deathdanse]

An average day.. or as average as it could be, considering the circumstances. This is war, after all.

Corbeau's day would consist of her waking up bright and early with her sisters and fellow soldiers. Help her sisters get dressed then take her time slipping into her own clothes for the day, a morning briefing with the generals in the war tent-- then drills until someone finally decides to make a move against the French.

However, Lapin and Minou-- Corbeau's sisters-- had been traveling. Raiding French holdouts and taking back the territory. Normally this is where Corbeau would shine, for battle was what she was good at! But, Minou insisted she wanted a chance to stretch her legs after being cooped up in the camp for so long, and who was Corbeau to deny her sweet little sister anything?

So, this morning went quicker since she had no sisters to look after. More time to go back and forth with the generals on what plan was best-- eventually settling on pushing the camp forward after her sisters had finished reclaiming land and returned. Likely repeating the process until they were able to claim another big castle.

Sigh, they could be so infuriating. Dragging their feet like this-- they'd be a mess without Corbeau and her sister's help!

Corbeau sat by herself near one of the fires, a bowl full of gruel that she quietly ate from warming her hands and body. The soldiers either mingling around her or joining drills, she would join the drills too-- but not having a weapon did pose a problem-- so she would only watch from the sidelines, doing her own in her tent.

The sound of a commotion from the other side of the camp snapped her out of her thoughts, dropping her bowl as she sprinting to the source of yelling and weapons being drawn. Her body flashes in silver light into her magical form while she did so.

Was it a surprise attack? A wild animal that wandered it's way into the camp?

She nearly trips at the sight of a young girl, standing in the clearing of the forest that the camp was nestled beside. The clothes she wore were strange, nothing like she had seen before, but Corbeau could not deny the presence of magic that radiated from her.

Corbeau rules out the possibility that she's with the Holy Girl and her Black Beauty, she was far too bewildered-- even if it was an act. She certainly wasn't one of her maids either judging by how alert she was too.

Just... who was this girl? Corbeau just had to find out!

"Gentlemen, gentlemen please, stand down!" Corbeau boomed across the yelling soldiers, who nearly all lowered their weapons to look at her. "This young woman is with me, another one blessed by our benefactor who's come to assist us. What kind of warm welcome was that? You nearly scared her half to death!"

As she spoke, Corbeau would quickly flank Homura's side, wrapping an arm around the young girl's shoulders and began to walk with her. The soldiers were confused, some even had a brief look of disgust as they looked at Homura-- but ultimately, they took Corbeau at her word and returned to their posts.

"I see you've made a contract," Whispers in her ear, leading Homura to her tent. "Tell me everything you know, and I will not harm you. But know this-- if I discover you are a spy for the French or that damn Holy Girl and her friends-- I will kill you. Understood?"

                        @deathdanse has made a contract.          —         ★

Time magic has always been her specialty ever since she made her wish on that stormy day. She spun and spun with time, refusing to accept the fate that they were dealt. Other souls with time-based magic may have different rules, but her sand found within her shield restricts her from meddling too far into time. She can only go back a month with her shield. She will lose this shield once a new wish gives her something new in the form of a real weapon, but totally new magic. Eventually, the Isolation Field is created to allow her to become the first experimented witch.

She breaks free from the bittersweet dream, waking up in her. She should become one with the Law of Cycles to close the chapter of her long, long fight. But she had other plans when she decided to ruin everything because of her desire. Her poor soul is submerged until it becomes something brand new. The universe is at her fingertips to rewrite. With wild magic coursing through her wicked veins, she remembers overflowing with the burning urge to ruin the Incubator race for their attempt to control everything as if they were god—

Then a dizzying darkness claws at her until she is swallowed up. She awakes not in the hospital nor anywhere in Mitakihara City. No, she founds herself lying on a forest floor. Stars in the sky greet her, but the moon is not there to light her surroundings. She hears the trickling of a quiet stream nearby as only crickets chirp all around her. It doesn't take her long to realize that she is in a forest, but what confused her is how dark the forest is.

Homura slowly rises to her feet, but wobbles back to the ground with an intense nausea. At first, she thinks it might be due to whatever the Incubators have done to her in the Isolation Field. They stabbed her gem over and over until it should've shattered if they removed the thick nails, but they didn't remove their sharp tools. No, they only monitored the gruesome-looking soul. This motion-sickness that she feels isn't connected to their tampering. No, it matched the feeling she got whenever she woke up in the hospital room time after time—

Wait—

That's it. I... I must've traveled back in time. She thinks to herself, staring at the sky past all the trees as realization chills her body. She could never forget the feeling of going back in time, but what disturbed her is the surroundings. She knew her pattern like the back of her hand, but this is something she has never experienced before. Where am I?

Her new surroundings were no help at all, though she has wasted a couple of minutes looking around in growing panic. Nothing seemed to help since she couldn't see any source of civilization anywhere, especially in the dark. She looks up at the sky to study the stars, noting the endless shimmering stars. Light pollution washes away the majestic canvas of stars, did it not? Yet the sky is bejeweled with so many of them. She stares upward, panic making her question all that she knew—

Move. She had to move now. With no map to guide her, Homura searches for the ring form of her soul gem upon her left hand... But she finds nothing at all. More panic grips her until she finally notices an odd, rather warm sensation upon her ear. She touches her ear to reveal that she is wearing an earring on only one ear—

Further examination allows her to discover that her diamond-shaped gemstone is dangling from an odd earring of some sorts, though her ears are not pierced. She traces the pattern with her hand until she realizes that this new development is shaped like a small salamander with strange engravings upon its torso region. Stroking the body so much ends up bringing the object to life, much to her surprise. It falls from her ear, but still gracefully lands on the dirty ground. The moving salamander radiates a soft purple light. It looks up at her with its gemstone eyes, swaying its tail and her diamond gemstone ever so slowly.

I've never seen a moving soul gem look like this before... No, it can't be a soul gem at all. I don't know what to call it, but I guess this still all mine. Homura ponders while staring down at it, relieved that its glow is bright enough to act as a light source. Still fresh from her ascension, all the lost ravenette can do is hope to find another magical girl before her bad luck gets worse. Hearing her heart's desire, the salamander begins to confidently walk off.

❝  H-hey— Wait for me! ❞  Homura calls out to the sentient salamander in a huff, not expecting it to just leave her like that. Luckily for her weary body, the salamander is briskly walking without a care in the world. Like a lost traveler following a will-o'-the-wisp, the Devil begins to follow her the carefree thing. It doesn't look familiar to her except for the signature diamond gemstone hanging off of its long tail, but it feels right to follow it.

Either way, Homura is not prepared. Only having her school uniform to wear in this awful climate is not fun, but it could be worse. It’s a good thing she can rely on the magic she did know to make this journey easier. Her irresistible Dark Orb will lead its unsuspecting owner straight to Corbeau, perhaps some battling soldiers as well. Whether they are soldiers from England or France is anyone's guess.

[bethanyactually]

I've messaged several times before about D20/Zac (earlier today, in fact). I'm slowly (wish I had more free time or that my kids were old enough to watch with me!) moving through Crown of Candy for the first time and I haven't been this consistently tense during a piece of media since I can't remember when. Just finished Lapin's Big Day and my jaw is still on the floor from the ending. I'm so grateful for all your reblogs for convincing me to start D20 this year!

Ohhh, it’s my Zac Oyama anon! Hi, friend!!

Oof, yeah, ACOC is sooo good but very intense and emotional. I cried more watching that series than all the rest of Dimension 20 combined, I think, for emotions all over the map.

I too am very glad I tumblred you into watching D20, because more people should appreciate Zac Oyama (and the rest of the brilliant D20 cast).

[grimatemyslippers]

Studying with Pomefiore students!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Vil Schoenheit

His little potato wants to have a study session with him? No problem! Just give him a little while to check his schedule to find a good time you two can meet up!

Don’t worry! No matter how busy he gets, he will manage to spare at least a few hours to spend with you.

Get ready to be tortured by his over analyt- just kidding, he might be a little hard on you sometimes but all he wants is to see you succeed. 

It can be hard to focus on your history book when the one and only Vil Schoenheit is right beside you, lecturing you about how you should pay more attention to what he’s been reading... Oops, looks like you’ve got caught!

He is already perfect at any subject that might be on the book so he usually does the teaching while you try to take notes and answer his questions, however if he feels like he is getting behind he might also want you to ask him some questions about whatever you two are studying.

Even though it might’ve been hard to focus at times, I think you can still get a pretty good score with his methods!

Oh! Look who got a full score! You lucky potato!

When you get to tell him how good your score is he definetely feels proud of his little potato!

You may or may not get a kiss or two as prize~

Epel Felmier

He freezes for a second before a big smile forms on his face, of course he would like to study with you! Who wouldn't!?

He won't admit this but he actually wanted to ask you the same thing..

He isn't the smartest student in the school but his grades or always above avarage, special thanks to Vil's harsh tutoring..

When the classes are over, if you're not in the same class with him he would come to your class and greet you, talking about how the day was as you two make your ways to the library.

...Where you two get kicked out when Epel yells in joy after answering a problematic question right.

"..Once again I'm.. really sorry.. um.. I wonder if you'd like to continue this.. in the garden..?"

He is still looking down when you two reach the apple trees and take seat under one of them.

It takes a little time for you to assure him everything is alright and you are not angry at him.

When he gets a little more comfortable, you two start taking turns and asking questions to each other about the upcoming lessons subjects.

The weather is pretty nice and you two manage to study for a few hours until the sun starts bidding it’s goodbye

If you were getting ready for an exam, then you can easily pass with a decent score, but if you are aiming for a higher one, then make sure you don't stop studying when you get back to your dorm.

And if both of you are pleased with your scores, why not celebrate it with a juicy apple from his hometown?

Rook Hunt

When you came to Rook with a shy smile on your face and asked him to study with you, he accepted immediately with a heart bumping like he just ran a marathon.

I mean, how could he not? He was more than willing to put his stalking aside for a few and spend time with you instead.

However, while studying, he just can not seem to keep his sparkling green eyes off of you. Every little thing you do, he watches like a hawk, wanting to carve every single little detail about you in his brain.

He is a great help, though. Doing everything and even more to leave no questions unanswered for you. Yes, he does get a little strict when teaching but that's understandable.

''Non, non! You have to use this formula on this question, Mon lapin. Focus!'' He says as he puts his hand around yours and corrects your mistake, well aware of you avoiding his gaze in shyness. Eh, even when he is being strict he is still a tease.

When you finish, there is absolutely nothing that can stop you from getting a full score and both of you are sure of it.

And a full score you get. You rush to Rook as fast as you can to let him know about this. Maybe you should start studying together more from now on.

He is overjoyed from hearing your cheerful voice as you announce your score to him.

Let's just say that you could not get away only with a few kisses. Oh, how proud he is of his little lapin.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 115

Extra special thanks for this chapter go out to @baelpenrose and @charlylimph-blog. Besides being regular beta-readers for me, Bael really really wanted a chapter with more Charly/Coffey, and Charly happily obliged by joining my and Bael’s regularly scheduled live-write of the chapter. We. Had. A. Blast.  It was  a shining beacon of love and laughter in my life, let me tell you.

I walked from the kitchen to the entry just as the notification went off that someone was standing outside. Still laughing from the comment Tyche made about the chicken breasts we were currently stuffing, my smile didn’t drop an inch as I saw Charly and Coffey standing there. “Hey, you two! About time!”

Charly held her head high and ignored my comment, while Coffey grinned back. “Best for last, you know,” he tossed with a wink as he handed over a bottle of red wine. “I know it doesn’t go with chicken but…”

“Stomachs are colorblind,” I finished, in sync with Charly and Tyche like we had rehearsed it. Conor and Maverick burst into laughter while Arthur just shook his head at our antics.

Charly stretched her neck to look over Tyche’s shoulder. “Those looks like…”

“We know,” Arthur groaned, eliciting another chuckle from everyone. “Tyche just mentioned that.”

“The - feta? - cheese is not helping your case, I’m just saying.”

Tyche tried her hardest to scowl and made a shooing gesture. “Please don’t ruin dinner before it’s even cooked please?”

“If I promise it won’t make dinner sound obscene, can I ask a question?” Charly ventured. All eyes turned toward her, since it was probably the first time she had ever asked permission to ask a question. Once I slowly nodded, she took a deep breath. “Have you ever tried rabbit?” The next part was rushed. “ImeanIhavearecipeforrabbitstewthat’stodiefor, andI’mprettysureAntoinewouldlikerabbitragout-”

“Charly,” Coffey intoned softly, reaching out to gently scritch the back of her neck.

She stopped talking and bit her lips. “I just mean - “

“It’s okay,” I assured them before anyone else in the room exploded from the laughter they were trying to hold back for her sake. “I really would love that recipe, Charly. I actually have a recipe for lapine ragout that Antoine adores, but the only other recipe I have is for coney pie.”

Charly nodded enthusiastically while practically collapsing on Coffey’s lap. Still nodding, she pulled a file up on her datapad and flicked it towards me. “Can I ask about the rabbits?” she asked softly, head twitching when Coffey scowled and - I assume - gently tugged the hair above where he was still scratching her neck. “Doesn’t hurt to ask!” she complained.

“I swear, it’s fine,” Arthur stated firmly. “You would be shocked at how hilarious she finds this story.”

Tyche rolled her eyes hard enough to move her neck. “And it puts some things into perspective…” she sighed.

Conor, on the other hand, gave me a hard look when I opened my mouth. “You know the rule.”

Dropping my head back in defeat, I took a deep breath. “Yes, I will make coney pie tomorrow for dinner.” Antoine, Charly, and Coffey all looked at me in confusion. “Conor hates hearing about my near-death experiences, so when I tell this story I have to make him rabbit pie for dinner.”

“So he can eat your enemies,” Charly nodded sagely.

“Pretty much,” I shrugged.

“Wait- “ she sputtered, realizing the rest of what I explained. “You had a near death experience? With a bunny!?”

All I could do was giggle. “Yes. I have a deathly fear of bunnies because one almost killed me once.”

“Twas no ordinary rabbit - it had a vicious streak a mile wide….” Arthur added, funny accent and all.

“May I ask that no one interrupt Sophia until she explains how she managed a real-life reenactment of a Monty Python sketch?” Coffey asked, leaning forward so far that Charly had to twist to stay on his lap.

“The truth is stranger than fiction,” Arthur nodded, tapping his glass gently against the other man’s. “Sophia, take it away.”

Shaking my head with a grin, I obliged. “You have to know, Tyche and I grew up in a very backwater, uneducated family, and also in hereditary poverty.   So, it was perfectly normal - to us, anyway - to have pets like chickens, or goats… or rabbits… Food animals.  Well, when I was eight, my uncle decided I was old enough for my first pet rabbit.  A good, big one.” Tyche shook her head with a smirk, and I just shot her a glance as I kept speaking. “Well, Snickers wasn’t quite hand-tamed. And the only way to hand-tame a wild rabbit is to…. Well, hold it, honestly.  So I would sit in the yard, with Snickers in my lap, and hold him while he ate grass.”

Maverick opened his mouth to ask the question he always loved to ask, but Charly gently put her hand on his wrist and shook her head. 

I still answered the question I knew would have come. “I know, it sounds like the most harmless thing in the world, right? Pet rabbit, in my lap, chilling out and eating fresh grass.  The thing is… Rabbits are burrowers. And they have these wicked claws on their back feet just for that.  So, when you hold them, you have to hold their back feet together, or they kick to get away.”

Charly gasped softly as she realized what was coming, quickly clamping a hand over her mouth.

I nodded. “Yep. One day, Snickers got started, and I didn’t have his back feet as tightly as I should have, and… well, he opened my arm up from wrist to elbow before I could let him go.  I screamed, my mother came out, took me to the emergency room.  I’ve been terrified of rabbits ever since.”

“That’s awful!” Charly cried out, jumping up to come hug me.

As I patted her on the back, Coffey sat up straighter and shook his head. “Poppy, she’s okay now. And besides, didn’t you hear her mention how ‘backwater’ her family was?” He arched an eyebrow at me, eye gleaming. “I bet that rabbit was dinner that same night.”

“Bunny dumplings,” Tyche confirmed with a wink. “If we didn’t know what else to do with it, it was dumplings.”

Arthur shook his head with a chuckle. “I would have thought you would be upset that she ate her pet, Miss Harper.”

She made a rude noise in return. “Are you kidding!? The first thing I killed with a bow was a rabbit.” Head high, she flexed her biceps. “Do you know how fast those things are!?”

“Nice and fat one, too,” Coffey added. “And she found rosemary to roast it with.”

“And lemon balm,” she added. “And mint, but that stuff grows everywhere.”

I nearly groaned at the memory of spit-roasted wild game.

“So, you two have been through the whole After together?” Conor asked as dinner hit the table.

Charly nodded enthusiastically as she took a bite. “Yeah, we were friends Before - oh my gosh, this balsamic reduction is perfect, Tyche - and found each other not long after the End.  After a while…” she trailed off, waving between them as much as she could, considering she was still sitting on Coffey’s lap.

We all nodded.  I was, honestly, happy to see two people who knew each other that long survive the end of the world together.  “So, I knew Charly did archery - she’s shown me a few times, but I’m terrible at it, turns out. What about you, Coffey?” I paused before realizing how intrusive that might be. “And if you don’t want to answer, it’s okay,” I rushed to clarify.

He smiled in reassurance. “I was security, Before, and… security After, in a way.” Chewing thoughtfully on a bite of bread, he glanced at something none of us could see. “I had a gun, at first - being a black man who grew up in NorthAm before it was NorthAm, it was more prudent than it was deviant at the time.”

“I don’t blame you,” I grumbled, while Tyche nodded and scowled furiously. We were horrifically embarrassed to be related to some of the reasons he needed a gun in the Before.

He tilted his head in a conciliatory fashion, as though he could tell what I was thinking. “In the After, bullets were hard to come by and… not very prudent, it turned out. They drew a lot of attention. Whereas our sneaky Charly…”

“Probably made traps,” Arthur finished nonchalantly.  When a few of us glanced at him, he rolled his eyes. “Oh come on! No one can tell me the queen of pranks and engineering over here did not booby-trap anywhere she was living within an inch of her life and the lives around her.”

Charly beamed, while Coffey just chuckled. “I honestly don’t believe the margin of error was quite that wide, to be frank. But it was safe enough that, before long, we accidentally had an enclave.”

I snorted in an attempt not to choke on my drink, while Conor and Maverick were both glancing at Arthur - the resident warlord.

Arthur just blinked in an almost placid manner. “I’m actually impressed. You started rebuilding by accident.”

“Do I look like someone who decides to take over the world?” Charly pointed out. After a chorus of Yes all around the table, she rolled her eyes. “It’s not my fault that hobbit holes are a strategically sound idea.”

“Apocalyptic Tolkien,” Tyche whistled. “I like it.”

“Sophia would have loved the library,” Coffey laughed.

My head shot up hard enough to make my neck hurt. “Library?”

He nodded. “Charly had the idea to go rescue every book we could find on camping, how-tos, engineering, historical infrastructure…”

“You just passed every class you are ever in, with flying colors,” Arthur nodded. “I had to make most of my people read - though we did end up with a library and decent bathing infrastructure.”

“Siege engines, Mr. Farro. We were building siege engines.”

He muttered something that sounded like “I will make up classes for you to pass,” but I was willing to bet that he would never admit it. Out loud, he just added “The fact that you not only read voluntarily but got other people to read without being forced has earned you extra credit.” She opened her mouth to object, but he held up a hand. “I’m being entirely serious, and no I won’t take it back.”

“I wasn’t going to try to survive an apocalypse without baths,” she scowled, stabbing a potato. “We may have ended the world, but we weren’t heathens.” Chewing so fast I thought she was going to choke, she immediately started asking Arthur about how he organized plumbing for his group.

“Trenches, aqueducts, and basically I got lucky because someone had a construction background.  We had some records of how Romans built their sewers with something close enough to the materials we had to work with so… it worked out.

With that, the conversation took off in the direction of infrastructure for post-apocalypse settlements, with Conor adding his opinion everywhere possible.  I knew there was no changing the topic, so I just shook my head and tried to keep up.

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[mandelene]

Arthur is the one who gets sick and the rest of the FACE family freak out? Whether he’s seriously ill or not is up to you. Bonus if he adamantly denies that he’s sick bc I need a character to project onto 🤣. Have a good week! 💕

Here it is! And I hope you have a wonderful week as well! 💖

Why One Shouldn’t Marry a Stubborn Englishman: A Case Study Word Count: 1424

Although Arthur barely touches his dinner on a Friday evening in mid-October, Francis doesn’t immediately see a reason to worry. His husband’s appetite is finicky at best, and there are days when he is simply too caught up in his own mind to remember to eat. It’s relatively normal behavior, and sometimes, if he pushes around his dinner, he compensates by having a large breakfast the following day. 

But then Saturday morning comes and he doesn’t finish his eggs and toast either. Arthur flips through his weekly edition of The Economist, and pretends not to see the look of disapproval on Francis’s face. And that’s when the worry in Francis’s heart begins to set in. 

He doesn’t even take a sip of tea. It’s tea! Arthur can’t live without his tea. Tea runs through the man’s veins! 

“Is something wrong? You haven’t been eating or drinking anything,” Francis points out, and Alfred and Matthew, who are also seated at the kitchen table, stop talking about their English project and shift their attention to a now flustered Arthur. 

“I’m fine. Not hungry,” Arthur replies shortly, looking down at his magazine and away from them. 

Alfred gives his father a little nudge on the shoulder and adds, “You’ve been acting kinda weird. Are you sick?” 

“You do look a little pale, mon amour.”

“I didn’t know it was a crime to not be hungry,” Arthur snaps, rising from the table. He snatches his magazine and swivels around to leave the kitchen, but that’s when a quiet gasp suddenly escapes him, and he grabs his upper abdomen with one hand. His face betrays a pained grimace, and the hand holding The Economist tightens into a fist. 

The scene triggers alarm bells in Francis’s mind. He sweeps over to Arthur and tries to feel his forehead, but Arthur waves him off and pulls away, insisting that he’s fine and “it’s just indigestion.” 

No one is convinced he’s all right, but Arthur’s stubbornness knows no bounds, and confronting him whenever anything is wrong with him, no matter how big or small, always proves to be a challenge. Matthew offers to get him an antacid from the medicine cabinet, but Arthur rejects that offer and chooses to hide away in his and Francis’s bedroom instead to brood. 

“That definitely didn’t look like indigestion,” Matthew whispers once he’s out of earshot. 

“I know. I’m going to have to fight him for a real answer, as usual,” Francis sighs as he’s picking up Arthur’s plate and bringing it over to the bin. He doesn’t like being wasteful, but if Arthur truly is sick, then it’s best to toss his breakfast away. There’s no chance he’s going to eat it later, and he could be contagious. “Don’t worry, boys, I’ll talk to him. He needs a little coaxing sometimes. He can be childish and moody when he’s unwell.” 

“Doctors make the worst patients,” Alfred notes.

“You could say that again, mon lapin.”

----------------------- 

The denial continues for the rest of the day. When Francis tries to pester Arthur into having something for lunch and suggests some soup or saltines, he is met with hostility yet again. “I’ve already said I’m not bloody hungry.” 

And then, the vomiting begins. While they’re all watching a movie in the living room later that afternoon, Arthur abruptly hurries to the bathroom, holding his stomach once more. Francis trails after him, and Alfred and Matthew come along to watch the drama unfold as well, equally as concerned. 

“Oh, mon cher,” Francis murmurs while Arthur retches, rubbing his husband’s back. With his other hand, he finally feels his forehead and is not at all shocked at the warmth he feels under his fingers. “You’ve caught some sort of stomach bug, haven’t you?”

When Arthur is done and has flushed the toilet, he turns to the sink and rinses his mouth. Clearly, he’s too exhausted and miserable now to be in a position to argue because when Francis takes him by the arm and guides him to bed, he follows him without complaint.

“I’ll bring some sparkling water. It always helps me when I feel nauseous,” Matthew offers, and Francis gives him an appreciative nod. 

“You always tell us ‘rest and fluids’ are the most important things when you’re sick,” Alfred reminds his father, but Arthur merely lets out a small groan as he lies down. 

If this is a stomach bug, then it must be severe because Francis can tell by the expression on Arthur’s face that he’s in a great deal of pain—more pain than one would be in from a simple stomach flu or food poisoning. His right hand is wrapped around his upper abdomen yet again, and his eyes are screwed shut. There are beads of sweat on his brow, and when Francis gently pulls Arthur’s hand away to touch his stomach, Arthur lets out a sharp cry that makes him jump. 

Francis doesn’t think he’s ever seen him in this much agony. Even while ill, Arthur hardly ever lets on how poorly he’s feeling. For him to be in such a state…It’s frightening. 

“He doesn’t look good, Papa,” Alfred says, biting his lip. 

“No, he doesn’t…I think I should take him to the emergency room.” 

At that, Arthur opens his glassy green eyes and grumbles through gritted teeth, “No.” 

“I can’t look at you when you’re like this. You need a doctor, mon amour.” 

“…Don’t need a damned doctor…”  

“Arthur. Be reasonable.” 

Matthew returns with the promised glass of sparkling water, and hands it to Arthur. 

It appears the idea of consuming any liquid makes Arthur turn green with nausea, and he places the glass on the bedside table with another groan.  

“Boys, can you grab one of your father’s coats and a pair of his shoes? I need to get him dressed—I’m taking him to the hospital.”

Arthur shoots him a fierce scowl. “Absolutely not.”  

“I’ve been your husband long enough to know when something warrants a hospital visit. Can you stand?” 

“Of course I can stand, I’m not—”

But when he gets up, the pain flares, and he nearly doubles over. All of the color drains from his face, and Francis has him sit down on the edge of the bed. 

“Okay, okay. That’s enough. The boys and I will help you to the car. Do you want some ibuprofen or something before we go?” 

“No…” 

He should have seen that response coming. 

--------------------------------------------

It was the right call to bring him in—that’s what Arthur’s nurse in the ER tells Francis and the boys. 

Apparently, the silly oaf is severely dehydrated, so he is quickly started on IV fluids and strong painkillers. It’s assumed he could have appendicitis and that the pain just hasn’t localized to the lower right side of his abdomen yet. But then, a CT scan reveals that his appendix is fine. His pancreas, however, is not. 

Acute pancreatitis. That’s the verdict. The doctor says it was likely caused by the medication he’s been taking for his arthritis—azathioprine. The diagnosis is enough to have him admitted because it’s decided he will have to be on a course of IV antibiotics to clear up the infection. 

“Honestly, only you could have an infected pancreas and claim it was indigestion,” Francis chides him, but he can’t be too angry when he knows Arthur must be feeling awful enough as is. “Fortunately, you should feel all better in a few days, you big idiot.” 

Alfred doesn’t hesitate to scold him as well. “You can’t make us worry like that, Dad. You should have said something sooner.”

“Yeah, no one should have to suffer in silence until they get so sick that they can’t move,” Matthew says, holding Arthur’s left hand, which is where his IV is. “It sounds like it could have gotten a lot worse if left untreated.”

“I thought I had it under control,” is Arthur’s lame defense. 

“Well, hopefully, you’ll think twice next time and ask someone for help. Now get well soon, all right? You know how much I dislike hospitals.” 

“Thank you for putting up with me.” 

Francis smiles and kisses his nose, causing Arthur to wrinkle his face. “Anytime, mon amour. Anytime…I love you. Now, rest. You need it. We’ll be here when you wake up.” 

Given that he’s already been sapped of most of his energy, falling asleep proves to be an easy task for him, and he’s out in no time.

What a troublesome man. 

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 5  Lapin’s Big Day

Aftermath

Right before the stream for this episode started, I saw the title and I thought, “Lapin’s Big Day? After last episode, how could it get any bigger?”

…

So, anyway, as you remember, while Lapin was mic dropping over at the jail, with Theo and Cruller, the rest of the candy crew were en route to their quarters and everyone is feeling the gravity of the situation. Jet is trying to stand in the prime position to protect anyone who might need protection. Ruby (who has given one of the watersteel daggers she took--and which were apparently never confiscated from her--to Jet) is vigilantly looking for escape routes as they walk and she’s so anxious that Yak flies up and starts helping her scout. 

As Jet talks about the changes she wants to make once she’s “king” (including considering installing Ruby as queen--platonically--which Ruby feels sends too Lannister a message) the more magically inclined members of the party (Ruby and Liam) feel a swell of magic. Liam feels like the earth around them is speaking and Ruby feels a welling up of Candian magic. Not only that, she sees a ghostly glimpse of both Lazuli and Rococco (who is smiling at Jet), but she thinks she might be seeing things and doesn’t tell Jet.

Liam asks Amethar if he’s in trouble and wonders again if he should just take off. Amethar says that they’ll protect him and, if he has to run, they’ll find him. 

When they reach their quarters, they’re met by Amethar’s cheese friends who are clearly upset by the assassination attempt and offer their protection. Amethar says they can handle themselves and they should worry about Primsy. Once inside the room, the kids start full Home Alone-ing it full of booby traps and Amethar sends for Cruller, Lapin, and Theo. 

And, speaking of, they, along with Grissini and a garrison of imperial soldiers are on their way to arrest Alfredi. Grissini is clearly nervous and asks Lapin to tag-team the arrest with him so it will have the weight of the church. Cruller thinks it will look bad if there are too many Candians involved in this arrest so, when the Tartguard shows up looking for them, he decides to leave Alfredi to them. Before he goes, Lapin suggests he look into boats for a possible speedy exit in the near future. Lucky for them (presumably, though I guess we’ll see) the people most likely to have spare boats are their friends, the Dairy Islanders.

Everybody else enters the Great Food Pyramid where Alfredi is talking to Senator Ciabatta in the presence of a bunch of Ceresian military (the actual Ceresian military, not Imperials like Grissini). Grissini goes into business mode and starts the formal arrest and Alfredi isn’t pressed about it until Lapin jumps in and asserts his authority as Primogen at which point she is suddenly outraged. Lapin publicly asserts that she made the daggers (gasps from the crowd) which she denies. Ciabatta for his part steps aside and lets the arrest happen. Alfredi tries to run but Grissini’s men tackle her and perp walk her out.     

Ciabatta is being awfully chill about this whole thing and he kinda seems like he’s waiting for everyone to leave so he can talk to Lapin. Theo goes to make sure Alfredi gets properly jailed. Once they’re gone, Ciabatta says that Lapin was very bold to come in and arrest Alfredi basically on her home turf, a compliment Lapin demurs. Ciabatta suggests taking a walk and Lapin agrees. Before they leave, Ciabatta looks at some of the other senators who were also with them but on a Nat 1, gleans no info. Ciabatta says that it’s a little odd that with all the might of Ceresia, no one thinks they’re a big enough target to take down with back to back assassination attempts. He does not seem to have a high opinion of Alfredi and offers Lapin a chance to come with him on a sneak mission (along with anyone Lapin wants to bring) to figure out what’s what on Alfredi. Lapin agrees and gives him a card with Illusory Script so that whatever messenger he sends will hand it back to him as a calling card and he can verify it’s legit.

He tries to get a read on Ciabatta to see what this guy is about and on a 19 Insight and a 24 History, he knows that he clawed his way from the bottom of the social pecking order to become a senator 4 years ago. He’s a great fighter, a war hero, and he “rules”.

At the jail, Theo makes sure Alfredi is secured (she’s gagged in addition to being bound so she can’t cast spells) and then heads back to the Candian quarters.

Rewards and Recon 

Once everyone is back together, Amethar sends Lady Donetta to entertain the Swirlies so he only has the people he truly trusts in the room. They lock the door, Ruby magics up some music to mask their conversation, and then Amethar declares that, as of now, secretly but officially, they are at war with whoever is trying to kill him. The kids all offer themselves up as spies/protection but Amethar is not about them risking themselves like that. 

As they discuss that, a Tartguard shows up and announces that the winners of the unfinished tournament are being honored, meaning Theo (who unhorsed--unmeeped?--Plumbline) and Liam (who was leading the archery competition) have been summoned to the emperor to receive their boons. Liam’s is just a cabinet appointment basically but Theo’s requires thought because he gets to nominate a candidate for emperor. They consider nominating Plumbeline as a good faith gesture but Amethar thinks it will probably be bad for politics to have an unbroken line of succession. Ruby think about Annabelle but they all agree it’s a bad idea (and she’s cool enough as is). Theo suggests Caramelinda but Jet, knowing her mom and her isolationist tendencies, thinks it’s a bad idea. Theo’s name is thrown in but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea and Liam suggests his traitor dad which Cruller full, like, soda out of his nose laughs at. Cruller also suggests nominating Amethar himself as a safe option, even though he’s already a lock, because there are some legal/procedural protections he gets that way. 

Lapin tells everyone about the meeting with Ciabatta and Ruby and Jet volunteer to go with him (when Ciabatta sends for him) and Amethar goes with Theo/Liam to the emperor while Cruller holds down the fort. Liam casts Pass Without Trace on everyone for some extra sneaking mojo.  

The winners and Amethar make their way to see the emperor and run into Annabelle, the other champion, on the way. Plumbeline is there too and she apologizes to Theo who accepts it gracefully. Liam fully puts his foot in his mouth and asks Annabelle why she didn’t want to marry and she just goes off on him and his lack of tact, finishing with some Charm School 101 and the advice that he should, when he meets someone, give a simple compliment not related to appearance or anything personal and then bail from the conversation. Advice that he immediately uses in the next scene when he meets the emperor and says, “I really like your infrastructure,” and I cannot explain to you how good that setup/payoff was, you just have to watch it.

Annabelle says that there are two things she really wants (one for herself and one for her country) then asks that the emperor request that the Pontifex release Stilton Cordeau (the suspicious little cheese dude Primsy was flirting with) from his Bulbian vows (including celibacy)--he entered the clergy young and then his older brothers died at sea--so he can marry Primsy. The Candians gathered are flipping out internally but can’t really say anything without causing a huge scene and probably an international incident (AGAIN). Theo’s turn is next and he has a lot of angst about who he's gonna nominate to be emp--lol no I’m kidding. Murph pulls out a pre-made scroll irl, unrolls it, and rattles off all of Amethar’s titles, nominating him, obviously.

Official business taken care of, everyone but Amethar and Plumbeline leave. Once outside, Liam expresses surprise to Annabelle that Primsy has a love interest (I half expected Annabelle to accuse him of TMI again) and Annabelle says they’ve kind of been seeing each other since they were young but it was complicated what with her having other official suitors and him being promised to the church. Theo thinks this is a way for the Bulbian church to get into politics more directly by putting one of their guys in power but Annabelle thinks they’re pretty in it already. When asked by Theo, Annabelle says she doesn’t really care about Cordeau but she’s OK with him if he makes Primsy happy. When asked by Theo if she cares about Primsy (Charisma Check, disadvantage--rolls a 2) she gets really upset and basically tells him to F off and leaves.

Back in the room, Uvano tells Amethar point blank, get ready buddy. It’s you. Amethar asks if he can appoint Plumeline to his council and she seems very happy about that. Uvano tells his daughter to get the official papers to declare it but Plumbeline says the Pontifex is holding on to them for some reason. He says to get them, even if she has to disturb her.         

Speaking of, Onionpatch (the Primogen from Greenhold) shows up at the Candian Quarters to fetch Lapin on behalf of the Pontifex. That’s basically a summons from God so he has to go, even though he has that meeting with Ciabatta. He trusts Ruby and Jet to go in his stead and leaves with him. 

Ruby and Jet have a little chat about how they’re always treated like children (though it’s probably partially their fault) and Cruller is like girls, we let you in on the war council today and you’re going on a spy mission in like ten minutes. We respect you.  

A Tartguard shows up with Lapin’s note (Zac, with a successful roll, retcons that he in the moment made it so that his friends could read his secret message/watermark too) now with added info, the symbol of a bakery. They sneak over to the bakery (Ruby the rogue getting a crazy 36) and they spot Ciabatta dressed in peasant clothes (as they also are). They sneak to an abandoned but gated palazzo (big, fancy, Italian-y house) outside the Great Food Pyramid and break in. As they enter, an assassin tries to get the drop on them but Ciabatta ices him immediately and takes the guard as proof that this is Alfredi’s secret house. There’s a lot of Bulbian imagery but Ruby can tell that they’re mismatched and BS, like painting random hieroglyphs on a set piece for flavor.   

Ciabatta opens a door at the top of a set of stairs and they find themselves in an alchemical lab that’s just full of interesting stuff:

Ruby finds pure water and Jet finds mold both super deadly weapons. These are like tools for bioterrorism. They talk about how to get rid of it and Ciabatta says they’ll leave an anonymous tip to someone who can safely handle it. 

Ciabatta finds eye-droppers and, upon using them, his eyes glow like Alfredi’s do, exposing her as a fraud of a miracle worker (I wonder if she has artificer stats).  

Jet finds the schematics for making the water daggers and Ruby can tell that it’s instructions on how to make milk silk in a weird mix of Lacra and Fructerano (both languages she speaks--she must have paid SOME attention in school, or hung out with a bunch of multilingual circus peeps I guess) that would be common in the Yogurt Shoals. The recipe for milk silk is the same as how to make water steel, you just sub some ingredients. Also, Yogurt Shoals is the home of House Bleu! Home of Stilton--the heir--who is now, suddenly, able to marry. Emily feels very vindicated with her pasta/cheese connection from earlier.

Ciabatta finds a bunch of papers and starts burning them or taking them with him. He says that Alfredi was an expert on blackmail collecting (s/t very common in Ceresia) and the room is full of blackmail. He takes the Ceresian blackmail and implies that he’s gonna use it to clean house back home so Cersia can be honest again. 

Jet looks for Candian blackmail and finds none, though she finds notes from the Pontifex about the Profidian Heresy and the Ramsian Doctrine--two terms she doesn’t recognize. 

Anyway, they sneak back out, Ciabatta stone cold carves up the assassin's body for the birds (which begs the question of what the birds are made of but we still have a lot to get through so let’s just keep moving right along) and they part ways. 

Lapin’s Big Day (Part 2)

Lapin is brought to the Pontifex who is, in a word, livid. She asks Lapin where the power of the church comes from and his answer of, “The Bulb and those it shines on,” does not make her any happier. She full SLAPS him and starts ripping him apart for publicly arresting Alfredi--making fools of them and weakening their position with the public--instead of letting the church handle it privately. Lapin says, since Alfredi and Kerradin are in the church, he doesn’t have a lot of faith that the church, as it stands, can handle their own business which was NOT the right thing to say.

The Pontifex gives him an ultimatum: Are you a Candian or a Bulbian official first? Lapin, doing as he’s always done, lies and swears to the church. The Pontifex says that this situation can still be salvaged. Alfredi will be tried privately and hanged publicly (gonna be a real fig leaf of a trial it seems) and then there’s the matter of Candia which is not in good standing with the church. There’s still that little matter of the magic on the Sucrosi Road. Lapin is quick to defend Ruby but it isn’t Ruby she’s targeting. It’s the much easier scapegoat: Liam, the traitor’s son who publicly did magic earlier the same day. She tells Lapin that he will arrest Liam immediately who will be put on trial for witchcraft, a crime with the penalty of death. Obviously torn (to us anyway) Lapin agrees to do it with an, “As you see fit.” He walks out with a group of knights to get the job done.

Back at base, Ruby and Jet fill in everyone on what happened and ask about the two religious terms they saw in the letter from the Pontifex. Nobody knows but there would be records of this stuff in a cathedral somewhere--it’s a big city. Based on what Amethar knows about Pangranos (which he says swings between an ineffective democracy and a destructive imperitorship) it seems like he’s going to try and install himself as imperator--Cersian senators are notoriously corrupt we learned in an earlier episode. They discuss whether the church is trying to get Stilton on the throne for the aforementioned reasons which leads to the news that Amethar was named emperor coming up and everyone is really happy for him.

And then there’s a knock at the door. 

They open up and it’s Lapin with a whole mess of soldiers. The head soldier cedes to Lapin and lets him formally charge Liam of witchcraft on behalf of the church. Amethar (and Jet) are like absolutely not and stand in front of Liam to protect him. Theo Messages Lapin like, “Bro, what is happening? Please tell me this is some kind of plan,” and, Lapin, who knows that he can at least assure Liam a real trial with actual due process and that he won’t get disappeared in the night, thinks this is the lesser of all evils. So instead of fighting, Theo asks if she can give up his weapons and stay with Liam in jail overnight. The request is granted. Liam, in a delayed reaction, flips out (valid) and the princesses promise that they’re gonna be A+ witnesses for him. He asks if he can bring Preston to jail and I thought they would have a problem with that seeing as familiars are a thing but nope. The pig is all good.

Before he’s marched out, Amethar brings Liam close. Liam, so deer in headlights, whispers, “Don’t let them kill me.” Amethar responds that he would die before he let them kill him.    

Liam (with Theo keeping watch) spends the night in a jail cell and wakes up to the sound of bells. The emperor is dead. And, guess what? The papers were never signed. 

The Rocks family goes to the Emperor's chambers where Plumbeline is crying. Amethar comforts her. Jet says that she only took a short rest so she could look up those two religious terms from the letter. She found a book with the info but if she reads it now, she’ll miss Liam’s trial so she takes it with her. Amethar offers Plumbeline an out from going to the church but she wipes her tears and insists on going.     

Liam is brought out. The Pontifex speaks and says the trial is being slightly postponed to deal with the emperor's death. She days the paperwork wasn’t finished but a successor was reportedly named. Amethar kinda prompts Plumbeline who stands and says that she was there when the Emperor named as his successor...Ciabatta. 

Ruby instantly calls her a liar and Amethar stands up and makes his claim (not happy to have to speak against Plumbeline but also not happy with whatever BS she’s pulling). Ciabatta, btw, is not present for this. 

With two competing claims, the Pontifex brings out the Book of Leaves--a Bublian artifact formerly belonging to Amethar’s sister, St. Citrina--which basically has Lasso of Truth powers. Lapin does a check to make sure it’s the real book and not tampered with in any way and on a Nat 20, knows that it’s the real deal *and* that he can glean info about the true nature of the Bulb from it with some more time. While this is going down, Jet is reading and she learns that the Profidian Heresy is an old belief of the church that the Hungry One is as powerful as the Bulb and they eventually decided that couldn’t be true and it was discarded as an official belief. 

Back to the action. The Pontifex asks Plumbeline if her dad really named Ciabatta emperor and she is compelled to tell the truth. No, he didn’t. Amethar comes in for his easy lay-up but, as he walks up, in a little side room, he sees that Manta Ray Jack is chained up and he’s had the crap beat out of him. And the Pontifex has a different question for him: Who is your lawful wedded wife?   

Amethar hems and haws but eventually is forced to admit that he legally married a woman from the Dairy Islands when he was younger and it was technically never annulled because of the war making things complicated.

The Pontifex, who is playing 4-D lightning chess, says that because he never actually divorced his previous wife, his marriage to Caramelinda was never valid which means that Ruby and Jet as bastards and he’s an adulterer in the eyes of the church, grounds for excommunication which she performs at once. Excommunication means no ability to hold land or title which means the crown of Candia moves to the next in line which happens to be Joren Jawbreaker (Liam’s dad--Ruby and Jet can’t inherit bc they’re bastards and Caramelinda has no claim since the marriage wasn’t official) who is in open rebellion with the rest of Calorum. Which means that all of Candia is now in open rebellion with the rest of Calorum. Which means everyone in the room can now be arrested as enemies of the state! 

You *know* everybody’s rolling for initiative, and I’m trying to not hold my breath because it’s gonna be a LONG wait until next Wednesday.       

Things I’m Concerned About

I almost feel like I should have a Things I’m Not Concerned About list this week to save time. What a roller coaster of absolutely insanity. And it’s only episode 5 people. It’s episode 5! You know that chart we all learned in school about rising action, climax, falling action? We’re still way on the bottom of the rising action part! There’s still so much buildup left but where is there left to go? This is like the end of act two of another story! What is happening!? 

Annabelle said she had one request for her and one for her country. Then she asked for something for Primsy which sounds like the country one but I’m not convinced it is. Like, it certainly could be but the phrasing of that and lack of clarification has me wary. 

I’m concerned Jet only got a short rest going into this battle. She got hurt at least some during the fight and I know she doesn’t need to regain spell slots but, like, a million NPCs are gonna be at this fight. This is not the one to come in nerfed. Like, I trust Emily to make judgement calls and Jet probably doesn’t have that much HP so a short rest might have done it but mmm, don’t love this. (Upon rewatch, she did get another short rest during the “who do we nominate” scene so maybe it’s fine but still...). 

I really don’t see a scenario where everyone leaves this fight alive/OK. You know that Smash Bros screen where it’s like, “Everyone’s Here!” That’s what this is like. Like, can you imagine trying to escape the White House surrounded by secret service? Gah, I really feel like I’m gonna be writing a eulogy for a piece of candy this time next week. And, for everybody else, this isn’t a fight you win. This is a fight you escape. I really hope Calroy made good on getting that boat.

Gah, there are so many potentially shady NPCs to talk about. It’s not gonna dig too deep into any of them but just a quick look on where my head’s at:

Ciabatta: Is he corrupt? And it just within his country (and thus, not really the concern of the Candians), or did he put up Plumbeline to nom him? Where was he? Was he not at the trial because it was none of his business or did he not want to be there when things went crazy. What docs did he burn? Just the blackmail on him? What has he done?

Plumbeline: Who put her up to putting up Ciabatta? What does she have to gain from doing that (or lose from not doing it)? It was enough to give up a seat on the council and contravene her father’s dying wish. Did Ciabatta have blackmail on her? Did the church make her do it to have an excuse to question Amethar (maybe when she went to get the papers signed)? What did Ruby miss on her 7 Insight check right before they went to the trial?

Annabelle: Did she really make Stilton a viable heir just for Primsy’s sake or does she have ulterior motives? And are those motives personal or fully in league with some kind of conspiracy--possibly the cheese one in particular.

Pontifex B: OK, so obviously the church is shady. We got that. But what is their angle here? Is it as simple as Candia is doing the magic they don’t like, let’s remove them? And which parts of this (or, more likely, *these*--there’s got to be multiple things in play here) is she actually puppet mastering? I’m sure some of it is just the church being shady just because it is. 

Stilton: I simply do not vibe with anything about him.

Just to put a fine point on it, if I--me irl--was attacked by people back to back, I would assume the attacks were related, but Amethar is a BIG target. It’s very likely multiple sets of people are independently gunning for him and multiple gunners always makes a mystery harder to solve.

Lord and Lady Swirlie are always around but being sidelined. Brennan keeps mentioning them and Amethar keeps stiff-arming them. I don’t know if they keep coming up because they’re secretly relevant or if Brennan is just a good DM (second is true regardless) but hmm. Related but not really a concern per se, I would like to know what Lady Donetta is like. She’s rarely around because she’s usually keeping the Swirlies busy. 

OK, so Lapin. Yikes. He was in a bad position to start with but now, I don’t even know where he stands. He’s a Candian, but just the day before he said he was a Primogen first, right? So, hypothetically, he should be able to escape this and stand with the Pontifex. After all, he’s a miracle worker for all she knows (unless she *actually* knows). You would give your official who was specifically chosen by your god the chance to do the “right thing” right? Would that be a wise choice to make? I could see him doing that so he can be their man on the inside. Lapin doesn’t die but Zac has to use his backup because Lapin is MIA. But if he sides with the Candians, he’s fully persona non grata with the church and he’s already on pretty thin ice. Also, if the worst happens as I suspect and one of the Rocks’ family falls, what position does that put him in with his patron? Yeesh, I would *not* want to be Zac next fight.

Just to also highlight this, very possible that even if we have no deaths, someone gets captured, stuck in a dungeon, and put out of commission for a long stretch of eps. I don’t think the church wants them dead necessarily. Except for Liam who they for sure want dead.

I don’t know how fast news travels in Calorum but Caramelinda is in for a SHOCK. Also, I wonder what was meant by, “What the world took from her”? (Caramelinda’s reason for not really caring about the rest of the world when they’re discussing whether she should be nom’d). Like, is it just general war stuff or something specific? Oh and, in case it wasn’t mentioned before, she’s originally from House Meringue, and that’s her house again now that her marriage is legally invalid. 

I think it was said that Gustavo was a little more lucid this time then when they talked. Then the Pontifex gets the papers and he just dies? Could just be a coincidence, but poison has been established in this story already at least twice and Liam even thought to check for poison (though he wasn’t able to) so I’m keeping an eye out. 

OK, this episode was A Lot so, this week, I’m adding a section to shout out the funniest parts of this episode and it’s called:

Sunny Side Up

Theo barking at the Tartguard, “DO A SADDER DANCE” had me DYING.

As did Murph going through the motions of the nomination conversation like he didn’t have a scroll ready to go that he’d made in advance.

When they Home Alone their room, Ally says, “I have a bunch of micromachines and they’re peppermint.”

When Brennan/Ciabatta was going through pronouns and Jet was like, “Or a spaghetti person,” and Ciabatta was like, “Tbh, that will prob be the case regardless.” Also, the very Brennan double peace signs at the end.

When they’re like, “We should make Preston King,” and Calroy is like, “Emperor,” like that’s the only wrong part of that.

Five A Lot More Things

Lol at Brennan going through the mechanics of the trial like there was ever gonna be a trial. 

Grissini, man. He’s at the fight and while I would not blame him for following orders I would love for him to be exactly who I hope he is and if not fully defect, maybe throw the Candians a sneaky Help action. I know hope only exists to be destroyed in shows like this but I want what I want, OK?

What an exquisitely DM’d episode. Giving the players an agonizing political minefield of a decision in disguise as a reward is brilliant. The jump between the spy stuff and the church stuff and then the whole lead up to the arrest? Like, I knew Liam was gonna take the fall for Ruby from last episode and that was still a gut punch. And then making it seem like Liam’s head was on the chopping block and then BOOM, nope. It’s actually everybody? The uno post by @aydaspastlives is both the funniest D20 post this week and the best description on the insanity that we saw. Most fun I’ve ever had being womped. Well done Brennan.

I realized this episode when I accidentally typed Pete instead of Liam because of the Peppermint alliteration that Pete had a peppermint tooth from like episode 2 onward of TUC. Connections! 

If you follow me for non D&D stuff know I’m very into Six the musical and I can’t hear the word excommunicated with doing it in my head like in Don’t Lose Ur Head which was jarring, as I’m sure you can imagine. 

We were all bracing for bastards but the bastards were with us all along! Very wild. I wonder if/how that reveal would have gone down if Amethar had died. And I really wonder if there is still another child. The Pontifex didn’t mention, but that could be a good pawn for later, both for her or for Brennan. Or someone’s second character, who knows? Also, I very much want to know more about this milk maid and how literal that description is. 

Edit: I can’t believe I forgot to mention this before but the delicious monkey paw-ness of Ruby and Jet continually talking about how they don’t want to be royal and then suddenly being branded bastards in front of everyone? Amazing. Also the little, “Call me that one more time,” from Ruby. So good.

I wonder if the protections Amethar got by Theo naming him do him any good in this situation.  

What does bread bleed, Brennan? Please? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me consider this? Also, why would Ciabatta just stick his hand in water like that? My guy, there are better ways to check the deadly poison other than directly handling it. 

Brennan really likes naming important religious concepts, huh? No shade, I genuinely think it’s great. 

I don’t know why I heard, “bacon steel” and I was like, “Plausible,” and then I heard “fruit iron” and I was like, “Absolutely not.”

Oh and just a quick note: Ruby and Jet double leveled last fight so I think they’re all caught up with everyone else now (but Liam might still be one level behind).

One More Thing!

This has absolutely nothing to do with Crown of Candy but I am still, as always, on my BS re: the Abernants and y’all should check out this amazing animatic by @crayfishcoffee. It is, hands down, my favorite piece of D20 fan art, absolutely period. I could literally go off for another thousand words but I’m being indulgent as is so I’ll shut up now. Go watch it! 

[gayoperatorgunclub]

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME: MontaDoc Edition? Pretty please? Or any MontaDoc content. I crave it. Much 💕

of course!!!!!!! sorry this has taken so long, but i sincerely hope you enjoy it!!! 💝💝💝

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - for fucking EVER!!!!!! 

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - two words: mutual. pining. this period, often referred to as the “Beginning of Operation: T.E.A.M. D.A.D.S. (Temporary Employment As Masters of Dad And Dad Sweethearts)” however, unbeknownst to anybody else in rainbow, by the time Operation: T.E.A.M. D.A.D.S. had begun, gustave and gilles had already been together for a couple of years. how did they actually get together? about six months after the GIGN joined rainbow, gustave was in the middle of a mountain of paperwork when he heard someone clear their throat. he spun around to scold whoever it was for coming to medbay when they were sick (despite the fact that he was coming down with a nasty cold), only to be greeted with gilles leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe. “gustave. you look as though you’re about to meet death for dinner. how can you expect to take care of others when you’re not taking care of yourself?” gustave just sighed and shook his head, muttering something about leaving him be for another couple hours so he could finish his paperwork, but gilles has other ideas. in mere moments, gustave goes from standing over his desk, organizing some files, to being held in gilles’ big strong arms. “wh- gilles! i-” he was cut off by his own yawn, and gilles smiled at him fondly. gustave felt himself blush, and he squirmed a little, but let gilles carry him to the GIGN quarters. as soon as it seemed like gilles was going to leave, gustave pulled him down for a kiss, then pushed their foreheads together and whispered “you’re going to carry me all this way and not even stay to make sure i don’t go back to my office?” gilles just grinned at him, climbing into bed beside him and wrapping his arms around him. 

How was their first kiss? - ROMANTIQUE! and smelling of sickness but what can you do

Wedding:

Who proposed? - monty!! he decided to cook a romantic candlelit dinner at their apartment, and when he sees gustave come home from work, all ragged and exhausted, yet still with a glimmer of determination and subtle joy, he says the first thing that comes to mind: “will you marry me?” gustave froze, his cheeks still rosy and his hair sprinkled with snowflakes. “will i what?” gilles realized his mistake and flushed, stammering a response before gustave was standing in front of him, staring at him scrutinizingly. “gilles.” he started, reaching to intertwine their hands, bring them between their chests, “what did you say?” gilles gulped, then steeled himself and got down on one knee. “gustave kateb. love of my life, light of my days. the man i want to wake up next to every day for the rest of my life. the man who i adore with every fiber of my being. would you do me the honor of being my husband?” 

Who is the best man/men? - for monty: bandit! for doc: lion (everyone but them thought it was a joke until the day of the wedding). dominic and olivier’s dual best man speech is the stuff of legends. there were tears, there was laughter, and there was an almost excessive amount of thinly-veiled sexual innuendos at various people in attendance (including both grooms; the best men were both drunk of their asses) 

Who is the bride’s maid(s)? - they actually fight over who gets to pick twitch! meanwhile rook is in the background like D: (don’t worry, it’s decided that he and twitch will be ring bearer and flower girl respectively) for monty: dokkaebi. for doc: finka 

Who did the most planning? - they both did! though gustave focused on food and flowers, and gilles focused on the guest list and the venue (but they ran things by each other before any final decisions were made)

Who stressed the most? - gilles! he was so worried about their families not getting along that he actually prepared a “leave my husband and his family alone or so help me i will never speak to you again” speech

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - gilles’ racist, homophobic, french nationalist uncle (no one in the family likes him, so it wasn’t a big loss) (this uncle also made a surprise appearance at the family dinner where gilles introduced gustave to the rest of his family, and started yelling about “godamn immigrants” and other such bigotted statements, before gilles’ sister physically dragged him out of the house and threw him out the door. afterwards, up in the guest bedroom, gilles quietly tells gustave that it’s okay if he wants to leave, or break up, or anything, and gustave just laughs and tells him that if he wasn’t prepared for family members to express their distaste, he wouldn’t be dating a white man. he pressed a kiss to gilles’ temple, before whispering “although, he was right about my being an immigrant; it’s just that i was born in Paris and immigrated with my family to algeria, not the other way around. A for effort, though”)

Sex:

Who is on top? - gilles!!!! although gustave will occassionally ride him 👀👀👀

Who is the one to instigate things? - gustave is lowkey horny 24/7, but if gilles walks in on him bending over to get something from a cabinet, or tilting his head all the way back while drinking from his water bottle, thereby showcasing the way his throat moves as he swallows, he will lose his shit 

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - okay i’m gonna change this one to an explanation of some things from below. i personally think doc lowkey a freak, and gilles is happy to oblige him if that’s what his lapin wants (although he’s not entirely sure how he feels about this “overstimulation” and “post-orgasm torture” and “cock & ball torture” stuff. specifically, he’s not sure he likes hurting gustave, but, while he probably won’t admit it out loud, he secretly adores making gustave cry. when he’s so helpless and powerless and mindless, and he’s begging for something, but for what he doesn’t really know. maybe it’s the knowledge that gilles is in complete control, that gustave trusts him to do this, to make him hurt and cry and just melt, the knowlege that gustave is completely reliant on him for his pleasure, his pain, and everything in between. it’s a heady thing, and gilles isn’t sure how he feels about it, but he’s pretty sure the warmth in his chest and the warmth in his gut are good signs 

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - unless they’re doing some of the things mentioned above, or mayhaps some denial 👀👀👀 then yeah, everyone gets the same. they’re very considerate when they’re just doing vanilla 

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children: btw, the rest of this is kinda set in a post-retirement au (idrk i just want them to have a farm and be peaceful). give it whatever context u want tho, i was just havin fun

How many children will they have? - they will have four cats and a dog, as well as 2 horses, a donkey, 5 cows, an alpaca, a rabbit, some ducks, a flock of sheep and goats, and the occasional visit from a herd of deer from the forest surrounding their little farm

How many children will they adopt? - since humans CANNOT, i repeat, CANNOT, give birth to the animals listed above, they’re all adopted

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - no one. the animals potty train themselves

Who is the stricter parent? - gilles sneaks them treats while gustave lectures them about dietary habits, so take your pick 

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - whenever gilles leaves to run errands, one of the goats goes into a depression so deep and miserable that they’re utterly inconsolable until he comes back. once they hear the sound of the car in the driveway, this lil goat, lovingly named “Bastard” by gustave, will climb onto the roof of the house and scream his joy over gilles’ return to the heavens 

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - they tag team on things like feeding the animals and cleaning out the barn, but gustave is much more organized about it

Who is the more loved parent? - the cats, dog, one of the horses, donkey, alpaca, rabbit, goats (except for Bastard), and deer all prefer gustave, though gilles is adequate in the event that gustave is busy with something else (although the alpaca and donkey hate his guts, and will escape their pastures to break into the house and be near gustave. gilles maintains that they’re both devil-spawn, but gustave says he’s just being dramatic and that Thamin (alpaca) and Albalatin (donkey) are complete angels who could do no wrong)

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - animals have NOT unionized. yet. 

Who cried the most at graduation? - idk if this counts, but when Bastard finally figured out how to get himself down from the roof after getting himself onto it, gilles cried for an hour

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - gilles lowkey does whenever thamin and albalatin escape to go out into the world and commit crimes, but only to make sure his husband doesn’t get upset when he finds out his precious creatures are hell beasts. certainly not out of anything resembling tolerance or *shudder* like 

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - gustave, but gilles can make a mean bowl of cereal

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - gustave. gilles will eat something straight from the garden and gustave is like “DID YOU CHECK IF IT WAS RIPE?????? YOU COULD DIE FROM THAT YOU KNOW, THEN WHERE WOULD I BE???” 

Who does the grocery shopping? - gustave. gilles is something of a hermit in their town, and people often remark about the “sweet, kind doctor and his utter brick wall of a husband” 

How often do they bake desserts? - whenever Bastard goes a day without doing something Bastardous 

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - both lowkey prefer salad, since they care for many animals that would often get used for their meat, and they can’t bear to think about hurting any of their babies

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - gilles. the people in town helped him when he burst into the little grocery store all panicked like “I NEED TO MAKE MY HUSBAND A SURPRISE DINNER BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE” 

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - gustave. gilles like being at home, but city-boy over here thinks that restaurants are a weekly luxury

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - neither. it was thamin and albalatin, attempting to frame gilles for yet another felony

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - gustave. everything is color coded. sex toys included 

Who is really against chores? - gilles. gustave films him whenever he actually does clean and yells things like “go white boy go!!” and sends them to twitch for her T.E.A.M. D.A.D.S. scrapbook 

Who cleans up after the pets? - they both do, but gilles gets stuck with shit duty more often than not

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - gilles, once. gustave walked in, sniffed the air, then glared at him until he actually swept whatever it was up and threw it away 

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - gustave “we can’t have guests over, the house is a mess” kateb

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Bastard. he then proceeded to eat it

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - gustave and his hour-long skincare routine 

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - gustave, bc sadiqi the dog (not to be confused with sadiqi the kitten), or Big Sadiqi (kitten sadiqi is Little Sadiqi) is his, gilles, and he will not allow his precious boy to be influenced by such creatures as Bastard 

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - they get little sweaters for the animals. that is all

What are their goals for the relationship? - joke: gustave always says “the White Man’s money” despite the fact that his family is richer than gilles’. woke: mutual happiness, comfort, and healing 

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - gustave. after 11 am, thamin and albalatin decide they’ve had enough and break in to lay down on the bed next to him. gilles banishes himself to the couch for a week

Who plays the most pranks? - Bastard, thamin, and albalatin. although gustave did dye the sheep’s wool (while it was still attached to them) different colors and patterns and, for the ones who were perfectly content to sit still and be held, replicas of famous paintings (his favorite artist is monet, in case you forgot that he’s french)

[specswritesstuff]

Never marry an orthodontist (this is dumb but I had a thought for once and decided to write something short for it to get those creative juices flowing ✨)

Dinner time was usually Arthur’s favorite time of the day. What was better than sitting down with your family to have a nice, hot meal together? Today, the thought of having dinner made Arthur cringe. For the past weeknor so, he’s had a horrid toothache. Chewing hurts and there’s a soft pounding in the back of his mouth, like his tooth is trying to pop out of his gums! He just had to make it through dinner and take more ibuprofen, it wasn’t a big deal. It’s fine!

Alfred banged his chubby fists on the tray of his high chair. “No! No, pa! No!”

“Yes, Alfred, you have to eat your peas. Matthieu ate his! Don’t you want to be good like your brother?” Francis pushed the spoon of peas into Alfreds mouth while he wailed. Matthew covered his ears with a frown

“Dad? Can I go eat in my room?”

“No, Matthew, you’re going to eat here and suffer like the rest of us”

Dinner went by without much of a problem. Alfred continued his fit and Francis eventually gave up, giving him some Cheerios so he’d at least have some food in his system. Matthew scarfed his dinner down and ran upstairs to finish his homework...Arthur had a sneaking suspicion that the boy was really just wanting to play on his Nintendo...That’s all he talked about anymore but at least he wasn’t playing ‘Fork Night’ like his coworkers’ kids were. Arthur was so distracted with the kids that he forgot about his toothache for a moment, biting into his chicken with the left side of his mouth- He hissed softly in pain and chewed with the other side, trying to compose himself and act normal but it was far too late. His fate was sealed.

“What’s the matter?” Oh god, he’d caught Francis’ attention! Fuck! Just act normal- “Arthur, is there something wrong? Why are you chewing like that?” And before he could even protest, Francis got up and came over to his side of the table, plopping down beside him to observe him

“Francis, ‘m fine, go feed Alfred-“ Francis wasn’t having any of that though.

“Your left side is hurting, isn’t it? Is it one of your upper teeth or lower teeth?”

“Love, really, I’m fine-“

“Come on! I can help you! Don’t be stubborn, tell me what’s the matter” Arthur groaned in annoyance. He had no choice but to follow his wretched husband upstairs. He was sent to brush his teeth while Alfred was put in his play pen.

This was so stupid. It was probably just a normal toothache! Nothing out of the ordinary! Teeth were like that, sometimes they’d hurt for no reason!...For a few days...

Arthur was brought back to their bed and forced to lay down so Francis could hover over him with a penlight and other dentists tools he stole from work. “Where does it hurt?”

“Lower left...I’ll have you know, normal couples don’t do this” Arthur felt more poking around and then a horrible jolt of pain “Ow! What was that!”

“We are not a normal couple, cher” Francis pulled the tools out of his mouth and narrowed his eyes at him “Arthur Ignatius, how long has this been going on?”

“A few days? Why? It isn’t a big deal”

“You have an infected tooth! I can see it from here! Look” Francis dug around in his bag of tools for a small makeup mirror. He held it up and angled it so Arthur could see into his own mouth. Francis took a pointy tool and tapped the hurting tooth “Look how discolored that is! How have you not noticed that?”

Hm...The tooth was certainly discolored “Francis, I’m not staring into my own mouth for hours on end-“

“You should have told me! This is why I need to do routine checks on you, you never tell me when somethings wrong. And now guess what?” Arthur huffed and crossed his arms, looking up at him expectantly “You may need a root canal”

“What-? A root canal?! The hell do you mean-?”

“I’ve been in the dental field for fifteen years, Arthur, I think I know what I’m talking about!” The couple bickered on for awhile until Arthur finally gave in, sulking and pouting because he knew no matter how hard he fought, he’d still need to get help for his damned tooth.

“I’d be happy to perform the root canal for you, lapin, I’ll be gentle”

“Over my dead body. You’ll put braces on me while I’m drugged” Francis laughed at that and put his tools away, going to the bathroom to fetch some numbing gel. Arthur refused to let his husband stick his fingers back in his mouth again and put the gel on himself, thoroughly numbing the whole left side of his mouth.

“I’ll make sure you’re well taken care of, I promise” Francis pulled him into a warm, loving hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek “And I won’t give you braces but Invisalign might do you some good”

“....I want a divorce”

[ninthfeather]

the faint colors of our future

A/N: This is a commission for @durinswizardwheezes, involving her OC Kimura Satsuki from the fic a world that’s so much brighter than it seems “interacting with the kids, Hanekoma, or the UG in general in some capacity.” 

I’m pulling pretty hard on some of her headcanons here (which I do happen to share, but she’s developed a lot more than me), in particular related to Josh’s attitude toward clothing. Also, there’s cameo appearances from autistic!Neku and nonbinary!Rhyme.

Title is from a translation of “Remind Blue,” the same song that gave a world that’s so much brighter than it seems its title.

the faint colors of our future

To be honest, Kimura Satsuki wasn’t that big on coffee. She doesn’t dislike it, but she could go without it for weeks and not really miss it. Still, she’d probably bought more in the last few months than in the last three years together, while spending time at WildKat.

Today in particular was a red-letter day, one she got to spend crowded into a booth with all of the kids she’s come to think of as Neku’s friends.

Normally, one or two were missing. Shiki, Eri, and Rhyme had a full docket of extracurriculars. Beat spent a fair amount of time grounded for inadequate reasons or in detention because teachers kept taking his questions as signs of “authority issues.” Sometimes, Neku just didn’t show up, and none of the kids seemed surprised. And when Mr. Hanekoma said that Josh was “otherwise occupied” …well, Satsuki tried not to think about what he was probably doing.

But today, they were all present. Shiki had a huge sketchbook open on the table, and Eri was lining up swatches next to various sketches with painstaking care.

“We’re mostly working on streetwear right now,” Eri said. “So a lot of it’s made for teens and people in their early twenties. But I think the next set of designs might be formalwear. Eri’s been wanting to work with more artificial fabrics.”

Satsuki nodded. She loved the creativity, but she could barely keep up with these two. She’d thought she knew an average amount about fashion, but Eri and Shiki used so many terms she’d never heard before. Who knew there were so many different types of sleeves?

“The point is, once we finish these, we can make you something, if you’d like,” Shiki said.

Satsuki blinked, then held up her hands. “The two of you don’t have to—”

“No, we want to!” Shiki insisted.

“Hey, come on, haven’t you noticed us making stuff for everyone else?” Eri asked.

“Hmmm, we gave a lot of them their clothes before we met her,” Shiki said. “But, hey, look, Eri designed the scarf Neku’s wearing, and I knitted it.”

Neku looked up from his sketchpad and gave her a thumbs-up. It was one of those days when he wasn’t really talking. At first, he’d avoided the rest of them when this happened. Satsuki felt privileged to see him relaxed and calm, occasionally texting one of the others when he had something to say.

“They gave me the best hoodie I have ever owned,” Beat said, with terrifying sincerity. “It’s soft and it looks cool. I don’t wanna wear it out, or I’d be wearin’ it literally every day.”

“Mmm, I reinforced the seams, so it should stand up to at least some wear,” Shiki said. “Is it already getting ragged?”

“No, but I want it to last forever,” Beat insisted.

“Beat, we can make you another one,” Shiki giggled.

Beat gaped at her.

“They’ve made me a few outfits,” Rhyme said. “They’re some of my favorites.”

“So, what you kids are saying is that I should be honored?” Satsuki asked.

Rhyme and Neku nodded and Beat added an emphatic “H*ll yeah!”

Curious, she gave Josh a sideways look. “Have you gotten any clothes from Shiki and Eri?”

Josh, to her surprise, looked a bit alarmed, even as Shiki and Eri’s expressions brightened.

“Oh, yeah, Eri, do you still have the sketches?” Shiki asked.

Eri rummaged through her bag, jabbing Beat in the side as she did.

“Watch your elbows!” he exclaimed.

“Watch your—you!” Eri replied.

As Beat sputtered in outrage, she pulled out a different notebook and opened it on top of the other one, then paged through until she found a spread of full-color sketches.

Satsuki squinted. “Are those Gothic Lolita dresses?”

“Huh, I guess Lapin Angelique wasn’t a thing in your Game,” Shiki said. “They sell Gothic Lolita fashion, and Neku told me that Josh really liked using them for power-ups when they were Partners.”

Josh was flushing now. “I-it was strategic.”

“So, you looking amazing in their clothing has nothing to do with it?” Eri asked.

Satsuki had a sinking feeling about this whole situation.

“Josh, I’m not going to judge you for wearing a dress,” she said carefully.

He caught her eyes, expression thunderous. “Of course you aren’t,” he said. “I’m the one who does the judging around here, remember?”

Satsuki sighed. “Why are you such a brat, kid?”

“I’ve been told I have a god complex,” he said.

“Yes, yes you do,” Satsuki said. “And it’s really annoying. It doesn’t mean I’m going to make a big deal out of you wearing clothes you like.”

Josh eyed her warily, but the set of his shoulders loosened, just a tiny bit.

Then Neku bounced an eraser off of his head.

Beat ducked below the table, Rhyme shrieked in surprise, and Shiki started giggling uncontrollably.

“If any of you spill your drink on my notebooks, I’m beating you up behind the café, I don’t care if you’re a death god!” Eri shrieked.

Satsuki scooted toward the edge of the booth, then sat back to enjoy the antics.

A/N: If you, too, would like to commission a thing, 6 slots have been formally filled, so there’s still time! The post is here.

Thanks for reading!

[timetravelingpigeon]

Excerpt: The Life and Life and Life of a Time Traveling Pigeon

In Which Columba Finds the Zombies

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With the day winding to a close and the night approaching, a chill began to creep into the air, not helped by the breeze coming in off the East River. Hands stuffed into my jacket pockets, I began to desperately crave something warm. It was still a little early for dinner, but damn, a hot chocolate would be awesome right about now.

Thankfully, coffee shops were about as ubiquitous as they came these days. Also thankfully, pumpkin spice season was just starting to ramp up. Hell yes. Tempting as it was to wait indoors to finish my drink, the evening crowd was beginning to filter in, and I had better places to be (like back in my hotel room,) and better things to do (like finishing this recon mission so I can go back to my hotel room.) So, with jacket zipped and warm beverage in hand, I returned to the streets of Manhattan.

I had been outside for barely five minutes when I began to hear a commotion from the north. People screaming, cars crashing, concrete crunching… ah, just the sort of cacophony I’d expect to herald the approach of a supervillain.

I squinted my eyes against the glare of the streetlamps, trying to pick out the source of the chaos. Yeah, something was definitely coming this way, and fast. Wait, no, hold on… I think there’s more than one. Don’t tell me Tanner has a protege now. No… no, the shape isn’t quite right. That might not actually be a per— 

A disturbingly human roar from a time long past, rising like a revenant from my nightmares, shattered my thoughts as it echoed down the street.

Oh, fuck.

In his epic tale of bunnies and burrows, Watership Down, author Richard Adams gets into the heads of his lapine protagonists, spinning tales of their language, culture, and psychology. One of the concepts unique to the rabbit mind was the state of “tharn,” meaning to lose the ability to move in the presence of a predator, literally paralyzed by fear.

It turns out that this isn’t quite so exclusive to rabbits.

Like so many other things in this big beautiful world of ours, how one reacts when placed in peril isn’t a binary, fight or flight, as it is so often presented. The response is better described as fight, flight, or freeze.

And in that moment, as a ravenous, bestial thing the size of a car barreled down on me, I froze.

…

Congrats, Col, you found the zombies. Or, rather, they found you. Yay.

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