#I just don't want anyone to give up to despair

[traumadumpwriter]

JJ Maybank X Reader - Relapse and a Half

Summary: The Pogues feel betrayed by the readers sudden relapse into hard drugs, but they're unable to be angry at her for too long as something terrible leaves her needing their support more than ever.

Trigger warning for: drugs (obviously), guns, sexual assault, violence

Part One

Part Three

Part Two:

After John B had driven you home that night, he raced back to the Chateau, knowing that JJ would be going crazy. He hoped that nothing had been broken, thinking back on the last time they'd discovered that you were taking pills.

The night had been engraved into the minds of all the Pogues, the way you just suddenly collapsed and wouldn't wake up. The moment of realisation when JJ had emptied out your bag in a panicked rush and six orange pill pots fell out. Pope's hyperventilating as he felt for your pulse and it came back weak. John B's panicked shouting as he watched JJ shove his fingers down your throat. Kie's uncontrollable crying as she called the ambulance.

Then there was the despair that they’d felt watching the ambulance drive away with you inside. The shout that JJ had let out as he smashed through the rotting wooden table on the front porch. The way his hands had bled, his knuckles cut open, and how he’d refused to let Kie clean them, adamant that they needed to get to the hospital immediately. The devastation that they all felt in the waiting room.

It was all they could think about.

Kie and Pope had awoke at the shouting, and whilst Kie was sat solemnly on the porch with her head in her hands, Pope was trying to calm JJ down.

"I can't believe she's back on that shit! I mean what the fuck?" He had shouted, throwing off his cap and aggressively pacing. "And I can't believe she lied to my face like that! To John B's face! I mean, can you guys fucking believe it?"

"She's obviously going through something. If we intervene now we can stop it before it gets bad." Pope said pleadingly, to which JJ scoffed "It's already bad! Trust me man, you didn't see her tonight."

The memory of your wavering posture and slurring tongue snapped at him mockingly, too similar to the times his dad had come home drunk and unable to see straight. It just didn’t make sense to him. You’d spent so many hours together, him holding back your hair as you were sick from withdrawal, you curled up on his lap whilst he reminded you of how strong you were. Why would you want to throw that all away? Had it meant nothing?

"I don't know why you're so shocked, JJ. It's been pretty obvious for weeks now that I think about it. I mean, she's been acting so strange. It all makes sense now." Kie tutted. "You know how addicts are, they lie."

"Does she just not give a shit about herself or something? Why would she put that shit in her body again?" He wondered out loud, and Kie struggled to bite her tongue.

She wasn't sure what had caused her best friend to relapse, but looking at the timeline of her suspicion, it seemed that the blonde might have something to do with it. He was fairly drunk and his shouts were becoming more and more obnoxious, not considering how anyone else might’ve felt about the situation. He only seemed to get worse once John B arrived back; irritated at his best friend trying to defend you.

“Maybe it’s just a little slip up. Okay? Maybe it’s not as bad as last time.” John B protested, but JJ wouldn’t hear any of it, the words going completely over his head as he continued to angrily rant - more to himself than anyone else.

"It's so fucking dumb. The way she lied to my face. It's like she doesn't respect me-"

"Because you've shown her so much respect, haven't you? God, JJ! Would you shut up!" Kie cut him off with some volume, unable to bear the sound of his voice any longer.

JJ looked at her, shocked and offended.

"What the hell are you taking about Kie? What have I done wrong?"

"You treat her like some side piece and you know you do! The way you rub other girls in her face is so disrespectful. It’s like you want her to feel shit!”

He didn't understand. What was Kie talking about? You had never cared about the other girls. You had been the one to make it clear that your sexual relationship was entirely casual. You were far too cool for JJ, way out of his league, and he'd just counted himself as lucky that you liked to have sex with him sometimes. He'd never considered that you cared for anything deeper than that.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He repeated but she just ignored him, picking up her bike and riding home, needing time to think before she reached out to you.

It had been two days since then, and you hadn't left your house. You'd hardly ate and you'd turned your phone off, hiding in your room and sleeping most of the time away. It mortified you to imagine what the Pogues were thinking. They probably hated you now.

You weren't expecting to be woken up by the sound of somebody in your room.

*Your POV*

My sleep was dreamless. A vast, thick blackness that covered me wholly, warm and comforting. It was my favourite way to sleep, no painful reminders of the waking world to bother my subconscious, just soothing nothingness to take my brain away. It was the only break I got from the bad thoughts. Now my shame was too much for even the Xanax to crush - no matter how much I took.

All I could think about was the betrayal on JJ's face as he asked me for the truth, and the lies that I’d spat out at him. I wondered if he or any of the other Pogues had tried to reach out to me, but I was too scared that they hadn't to check. If I turned on my phone and had nothing from any of them, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

The sound of something being dropped near my head woke me up and I groaned, thinking it was my mum trying to get me to eat again.

"I still don't feel good. I'm sorry." I moaned, stretching as I yawned.

"Yeah your mum said you were sick. Wonder how long it'll take for her to catch on that you're using again."

JJ's voice was harsh and unexpected. I shot up straight, looking to the blonde boy with wide eyes. He was crouched down beside my bed digging through my cabinet with careless abandon, my belongings strewn around the room in a way that told me he'd been in here for a little while.

"It's always really nice having to check your friend's pulse, you know, just to make sure they've not almost killed themselves again." He continued in a tone that was dripping with sarcasm. "Is it even enjoyable to you? Living like a corpse? Because I just don't get it."

I didn't know what to say to that, my mind still groggy and confused. All I could mutter out was a quiet "What are you doing here?"

JJ didn't answer me, continuing to dig through my drawer until he finally found what he was looking for.

"Same shit you had to get pumped out your stomach. Nice one Y/N." He eyed the orange pot in his hand with furrowed brows. "And you're almost out, only one left."

It took my brain another few seconds to adjust to what was happening, processing the fact that JJ was ransacking my bedroom and in the process of stealing my pills. He had good reason to be, but it didn’t mean I liked it.

"JJ- I'm sorry." I stammered, watching him slide the pot into his pocket. "I didn't mean to get so fucked up."

"I know you didn't. You didn't mean for us to find out. Good thing I'm not stupid though, huh? Probably would've gotten away with it if I wasn't there. Not for long though, Kie was getting close. And she's pissed."

The thought of my best friend angry sent a shiver down my spine and a pang of guilt into my chest, especially knowing that she was completely right in her anger. How could I fix this mess I’d made? Should I have called Kie? Or would she just shout at me? I couldn’t deal with that.

"I know. I'm sorry. I- I backslid. But I can get clean again-”

“Yeah I know you can. And you’re going to. Whether you like it or not.” JJ cut me off bluntly, finally looking at my face.

He looked tired, like he hadn’t slept in days, and the crease between his eyebrows was deep set, like a permanent expression of stress. His blue eyes lacked their usual sparkle and his lips were chapped and bitten. I supposed I didn’t look much better.

I opened my mouth to apologise again but he continued to rant at me, his voice getting more aggressive by the word, and it was starting to get under my skin. If it had been anyone else I might’ve been able to take it but the fact that it was JJ - the boy who’d broke my heart without even realising it - just served to frustrate me.

“I just don’t get why you did it. And how you lied to my face like that. Not just to my face- to John B’s too! I mean shit Y/N. Almost a year clean flushed down the drain. How’d you feel about that?”

“Shit, JJ. Okay? I feel like shit.” I hissed, feeling my face heat up.

I knew I deserved the attitude, but I just wished he could’ve been a little softer. I wished he could’ve made me feel less ashamed. I wished he could’ve just held me and loved me.

“And Kie’s got the nerve to say I have something to do with it. I don’t, do I?” He continued as if he hadn’t even heard me, his hand movements becoming exaggerated. All I could do was wonder what exactly Kie had told him, worried that he knew the truth now and clearly didn’t like it. “I mean, the way you’ve been so weird to me is it’s own separate thing. You did this to yourself because of your own issues. Nothing to do with me, right?”

He finally went silent, staring at me as he waited for an answer, his nostrils flaring as he breathed heavily out of his nose. What could I say to him? Was I meant to lie to his face again? I couldn’t do that. I swallowed nervously, my mind racing with different answers, yet I settled on one question, afraid to hear his response but unable to keep it down any more.

“Why did you stop wanting to fuck me?”

JJ’s eyebrows raised incredulously and his anger only seemed to increase. He sucked in his lips with a disapproving sound and looked around the room, running his fingers through his hair stressfully, before turning sharply back to me.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He scoffed. “You’re the one who started acting weird! You stopped wanting to fuck me! Which is fine. I don’t care. But what does me fucking you have to do with this? I don’t get it.”

So Kie hadn’t told him the truth. But it didn’t matter anyway. He didn’t care - not about having me physically - so why would he want me at all? I was just his friend. His selfish, lying, drug addicted friend. And I was hardly even that anymore. Just selfish, lying and drug addicted.

His words had stung so badly despite being so minuscule that all I could think about was neutralising the sting. I didn’t want to be his friend. I couldn’t bare to be his friend. I needed to not care anymore, and I needed it instantly.

“Give me the pot, JJ. It’s just one more pill. It doesn’t matter.”

His eyes widened, like he was mind blown by my response, and he almost spat the next words.

“Are you fucking serious? You said you were getting clean just two minutes ago. What did I say to manage to fuck that up so quickly?”

I opened my mouth to say something - to tell him to shut up - but he continued on, his volume increasing.

“Because it is something to do with me, isn’t it? I tried to convince myself that it’s not, but it clearly is. That’s why you’ve been acting so shitty with me. That’s why Kie got pissed with me. So enlighten me, Y/N! What the fuck have I done wrong?”

My patience had all but run out at that point. My heart was heavy and my head ached. All I could think to do was tell the truth at that point - even though I knew I wouldn’t get the response I wanted from it.

It didn’t matter anymore. I had already ruined everything.

“I like you JJ! God, are you fucking blind? I fucking like you!” I hissed, the words shooting out of my mouth at a hundred miles an hour. “And every time you get with some gorgeous touron it fucking kills me! It makes me feel so worthless in ways you couldn’t even begin to understand! So yeah, I relapsed. I relapsed because I was sick of feeling worthless.. of feeling anything. Now can you give me my fucking pill back?”

If I thought he looked mind blown before, that was nothing compared to his expression now. It resembled one of horror, and my sickness only increased. Then it returned to his previously pissed off one, his lips thinned and his nostrils flared.

A dry, humourless laugh fell from his mouth.

“So it’s my fault? It’s my fault that you did this to yourself? Because you couldn’t just tell me about your stupid schoolgirl crush months ago?”

God, I wanted to disappear so badly.

“Give me my pill, JJ!” I shouted but he acted as if he hadn’t heard me.

“Way to shift the blame much-”

“Give me my pill and fucking leave, JJ!”

“Blaming this shit on me. You sound just like my dad-”

“Give me my fucking pill!”

He finally responded to my words, leaning in close with gritted teeth and lowly hissing “Or what?”

His faces was inches from mine. I’d never seen him look so angry - at a Pogue anyway - and I instinctively flinched away from him. I could feel my eyes getting damp and my bottom lip starting to quiver, and unlike usual I didn’t try to hide it. It didn’t matter anymore.

“Exactly! You can’t do shit!” He scoffed, a taunting smirk pulling at his lips.

“Get the fuck out of my house!”

“I’m leaving, don’t you worry. You fucking junkie. Just turn on your phone so the others know you’re alive.”

He stood up and pulled the pot from his pocket, waving it in my face before putting it back. He even snickered as I reached for it.

“I fucking hate you!” I shouted, picking up one of my pillows and throwing it at him.

“Yep. I hate me too. Join the club.” He spat.

And with that he slammed my bedroom door shut and I was alone again, tears falling down my face and sobs escaping my throat.

The months of wondering if he liked me back had been answered in the worst possible way. Far worse than any of the terrible ways I’d imagined. And it was all my fault.

I felt devastated, wholly and entirely. Not just devastated about JJ, but about the Pogues. There was no way I’d ever be invited back to the Chateau now. He would tell them about everything that had just happened - about how I’d demanded for my Xanax back - and they would hate me for it.

My mum was in my room moments later, wrapping her arms around me and trying to comfort me. She didn’t have any real idea of what had just happened, just that I’d had an argument with JJ, and she knew for a fact that I liked him. She was my mum after all, she could tell.

“It’ll be alright. Whatever you said, he’ll get over it. It’s not like he’s an angel. Lord knows I’ve heard that boy say some pretty mean stuff.”

And I had to just agree with her, unable to tell her the whole truth, unable to even smile as I thought of the times she’d overheard him talking shit and given him a stern look. There was only one answer to my problem now, and it was the exact thing that had created the problem in the first place. I had to go to Barry’s.

“I’m gonna go to Kie’s. Have a girls night.” I sniffled, wiping my face with the sleeve of my jumper. “I’m sorry mum. I just can’t be here right now.”

“That’s alright darling. Do you want me to drive you?” She said softly, sending another pang of guilt into my gut.

“No thanks. I’ll be alright.” I forced a weak smile and she nodded, her face relaxing slightly.

By time I’d showered, gotten dressed and put on some makeup it was getting dark outside which I was actually glad about. Reduced visibility meant that I was less likely to get recognised by anyone on my way, meaning they wouldn’t see the red blotches on my face from crying nor how ugly I looked.

The ride to Barry’s felt the longest it ever had; my head louder than it had been in a long time. I struggled to not start crying again, remembering JJ’s harsh words and how humiliated they made me feel.

When I got to Barry’s, I was relieved once again to see that the house was empty apart from him. A radio played country ballads quietly and the thick scent of weed smoke filled the room.

“What’s up with you party princess? You look like you just got told the worst news of your life.” Was what Barry opened the door with, and I couldn’t even argue with him. I looked like shit.

“Don’t act like you care. I just need to buy some more pills.” I forced a smile as I sat down on his couch, graciously accepting the half smoked joint from his hand.

“Well shit, that’s blunt. Maybe I do care. How would you know?” He scoffed.

“Because I’m not dumb, Barry. Why would you care? I’m sure you’ve got much more important things on your plate than whatever stupid drama I have going on.”

“You’re right I probably do. That don’t make me heartless though. Sucks to see such a pretty girl looking so sad.”

And there it was. All he had said was ‘pretty’ - such a minute compliment, yet I sucked it up like it was oxygen and instantly craved more. My body relaxed slightly and my gut felt a tiny bit less heavy. I let out a dry chuckle, unsure of whether my amusement was real or not.

“That’s sweet. Now can I buy some pills?”

Barry’s chuckle matched mine, also lacking any real humour though a grin painted his face.

“Sure you can. I ain’t got any xans in though. Only Klonopin. That okay?”

I didn’t know much about Klonopin other than that it was stronger than Xanax, and though I would’ve usually probably rejected the offer, it sounded perfect in that moment. I handed him the cash and he handed me the pot, which I instantly opened and took a pill from.

Barry raised an eyebrow, looking amused, and handed me a beer that he’d been nursing. I was quick to finish it.

“These pills cost more, you’re about twenty dollars short.”

“Shit. I can pay you back next week?”

“Don’t worry about it princess. There’s other ways you can pay me back.”

I knew what he meant immediately from the sultry tone he’d adopted, and though I thought to insist on paying him with cash, I didn’t even care enough to. Instead, I walked to his fridge and took out another beer before swallowing down another pill with it. Anything to make me forget about the Pogues.

These pills hit fast and strong and I sunk into the sofa like it were a big embrace from a huge, soft monster. The fibres felt softer than usual and my fingers traced over them with satisfaction, my mind going completely blank other than the thought of how nice the sofa felt.

“So, you wanna talk about what’s been bothering you or?”

“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t want me. Who cares.” I mumbled.

“Who’s that? One of your boy toys?”

“JJ.”

Barry scoffed.

“Could’ve fooled me. That kid follows you around like a puppy dog.”

I grimaced, blue eyes appearing in my mind, and quickly chugged the rest of my beer.

“Can I have some smoke?”

“Nice of you to ask for once.” He chuckled, handing me the ashtray with a half smoked joint in it.

“You like my attitude, Barry. Don’t pretend that you don’t.”

“Yeah. Not the only thing I like about you.”

I snorted at that, though I was secretly flattered, any sense of danger quickly dwindling. An hour later and I was struggling to stay awake, my head continuously falling forward until I pulled it back up again, much to Barry’s amusement.

“Let’s get you to bed, princess.” He said to me with a smile, holding out his hand to take. I took it gratefully and followed him to his bedroom, stumbling as I did.

As soon as I saw the bed I flopped onto it, landing on my belly and burying my face in the soft sheets. Like the sofa, every fibre felt soothing and kind, and I momentarily forgot where I was until the sound of Barry’s deep chuckle reached my ears.

“You like the bed?”

“Yeah. It’s nice.” I mumbled in response and he chuckled again.

“You can stay here for as long as you want.”

“Thanks.”

Then I felt his hands on my shorts, his fingers hooking around the waistband and pulling them down without any warning. He pulled them all the way down to my feet until they were no longer attached to my body and then moved a hand to my underwear, groping my thighs and butt as he did.

“No. Barry. I’ll pay in cash. I promise.” I groaned, trying to flip myself over but struggling to do so against his grip.

“But you’re so beautiful.” He whispered in my ear, his hands now moving to untie my halter top. “Your skin is so smooth. Even softer than I imagined. And your ass is just incredible. A real work of art.”

I hesitated for a moment before whispering “Really?”

He hooked his finger into my underwear and pulled them down and I flinched and tried to turn around again, but his other hand flat against my back stopped me from doing so.

“Anyone who doesn’t want you is an idiot, princess.” He answered, closer to my ear than I expected him to be.

He placed a kiss on my neck and I opened my mouth to say no again but only a gasp came out, reacting to the feeling of his fingers suddenly being inside of me.

“Stop-” I tried to say with confidence, but it came out as a mumble.

“Ssh. Sssh. It’s alright baby. Let me look after you.” He said softly and in a moment of realisation I felt all the fight leave my body, disappearing into the darkness of the pillow that was suffocating my view.

There was no point in trying to stop it. It was happening now - thanks to my own stupid decisions - and I had to accept it. At least Barry wanted me, even if his touch felt like an invasive probe, at least someone wanted me.

My consciousness slipped away into a dizzy, warm pool, occasionally re-emerging with a particularly hard thrust or a slap to my arse, but largely un-present. I didn’t know how long he was fucking me for, and at some points I wasn’t even sure if it was real, everything feeling like some bad, confusing dream. The only real thoughts I remembered having were about JJ, and I was glad when they were plucked away.

The next morning I knew that it was real though, my body aching from his touch, and despite my mind’s desperate pleas for me to leave, another pill into my mouth had me sinking into the bed again, grateful for the soothing words that came out of his mouth. I didn’t have the energy to go home and lie to my mum’s face. To tell her about the great night I’d had with Kie when I’d really been in a borderline comatose state with a forceful drug dealer.

Barry brought in breakfast on a tray - a bacon sandwich - and a joint, lighting it for me before placing it in my mouth. It reminded me of the mornings I’d spent with JJ when I’d first gotten sober. How he tried so hard to make me feel better even though I’d done it to myself. I’d done it to myself all over again.

“Morning party princess, you feeling better?” Barry asked with a sincere smile and I shrugged.

I didn’t know what I was feeling. It wasn’t good, but was it better than last night? I couldn’t remember.

“How are you?” I returned, unable to answer the question.

“Well I woke up next to your ass so I’m pretty peachy.”

I couldn’t even crack a false smile at that like I usually would’ve. My heart ached.

“Oh come on darling, life ain’t all that bad. You got anything you need to do today?”

I didn’t even know what day it was.

“No.”

“Well then you can just relax here if you want. Help me weigh up some product. Eat some good food. Smoke some free weed.”

That did sound like an alright plan.

“I’ll cook up some hash browns.”

His offer sounded genuine, laced with care and concern, and it lit a spark of affection within me. I hadn’t been looked after like this in a long time. Not since JJ helped me get sober. Part of me knew that it was wrong, that I hadn’t wanted any of this from Barry and he was forcing it onto me, but the other part of me felt so desperate for love that I couldn’t bare to be alone.

“Okay, okay.” I agreed and then added a “Thank you” before swallowing a pill and then tucking into my sandwich.

He turned on the television before crawling back into bed with me, wrapping his arm loosely around my shoulders and taking drags on his own joint. A basketball game was playing and he seemed extremely invested in it so I didn’t complain, sitting and watching the sports like it was the most interesting thing in the world. I knew that if I was sober I wouldn’t be able to bare the bore of it, but as I smoked and got more high the giggles eventually kicked in and I felt a smile cracking at my face, amused by the enthusiasm of the commentators.

“What you finding so funny?” Barry turned to me and asked with a grin.

“I don’t know. They’re just so into it. It’s a simple way to live I guess.” I answered and he clearly disagreed.

“Ain’t simple. It’s important.”

“Of course you think that.”

I thought he was going to argue, maybe even get offended, but his smile widened and he instead reached out to gently touch my face.

“I like it when you smile. Suits you.” He said sincerely.

He leaned in and kissed me on the lips. The feeling was invasive and uncomfortable and I put my hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him away. The doting expression on his face was quick to turn to confusion.

“Sorry.. I don’t really want to do that right now.” I said sheepishly.

“That’s alright princess, don’t look so scared, I ain’t gonna hurt ya.” He smiled and I felt myself relax again.

I was stupid enough to believe him, even though my rear was certainly bruised from what he’d done the previous night. Maybe it wasn’t stupidity, maybe it was desperate naivety. Or maybe I was just high.

It was a short while later that we were sat in his living room on the sofa, a coffee table full of weed and two sets of scales in front of us. We’d been casually chatting whilst weighing and bagging up the weed, passing a joint between each other and paying half attention to the television. I’d almost completely forgotten about the previous night - or at least had pushed it to the back of my mind - and was somewhat enjoying myself. Images of JJ and the Pogues would flash behind my eyes occasionally, but I would just drink a beer or take a drag or eat another pill and they would soon go away. So, by the evening I was quite fucked up again.

A few customers had come by but were quickly hurried away by Barry who could obviously tell I didn’t want to be around them. I found myself quite grateful for his patience even if his lingering stares and light touches did make me uncomfortable. At least somebody wanted me. At least I wasn’t entirely worthless.

Then he tried to kiss me again and I rejected him less kindly this time, a bit too inebriated to remember my manners. The uneasiness that it made me feel had me instantly reaching for my pot of pills, and I didn’t say no when he offered me a drink a few minutes later, expecting him to bring out another beer. Instead he brought out a bottle of vodka and I stupidly said yes to it, not thinking of how spirits mixed with benzodiazepines

I quickly became a mess, unable to see straight or filter any words that came to mind.

It wasn’t long until I’d found myself being lead to Barry’s bed again, thanking him for his comfort and then unexpectedly trying to push him off me until I realised that there was no use. He’d raped me last night and he was going to rape me again, though I didn’t know if I could even call it rape given the fact that I’d put myself in the situation twice now. I’d been asking for it the first time, so the second time I must’ve been begging for it.

He was rougher this time, flipping me over, pulling my hair and even choking me. But I accepted it, trying to convince myself to enjoy it even though he was hurting me.

Eventually, I passed out, my body unable to produce the adrenaline that would usually keep one awake in these situations. And maybe I was thankful for that, or maybe it made it worse. I wasn’t sure. But at least I wasn’t thinking of JJ. At least somebody wanted me.

Let me know if ur liking this! It’s my first obx imagine<3

[sketchguk]

I really appreciate your reply to anon. And I don't think it should be offputting if people are cursing those who don't see them as humans . There's so much on my timeline right now about decentering men and how this generation of men is growing up in hate towards women. And we as women are not doing anything about it. Is it really up to us ?? I feel like it is much easier for bi or lesbians to say that than for straight women. But all the posts I've been seeing make so much sense, ofcourse we as women have to do SOMETHING about it , but what exactly?? Ugh i wish we weren't living through this

Real! Everyone who voted red (whether it's for president or for congress) - there's a probability that they do not value or respect other human beings. Why else would they support a man as corrupt as Tr*mp? Someone who gets off on seeing our rights taken away?

James Baldwin, one of my favorite writers, had once said, "We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and my right to exist." If someone doesn't respect us, we don't owe them any courtesy.

What you said about men who grow up in a society that hates women is so heartbreaking. This world may seem hopeless and bleak, but I promise you, you can make differences in your community. You can protest, petition, volunteer, join grassroot organizations, etc. Vote in local elections, and you can encourage others to vote too. Speak to younger generations - teach them about kindness, respect, and all different minority groups who are oppressed. We can't change the minds of everyone, but I hope you can make a tiny difference in your sphere of influence

[dazais-guardian-angel]

kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....

[accirax]

DRDT vs. The Scrum Debate

Greetings party people (<- DRDT fan community). By complete accident, I wound up writing some analysis addressing DRDT's Chapter 1 Scrum Debate and what it might mean for the future of Chapter 2. Although it can no longer be used in the exact context for which I originally wrote it, there were still some interesting things to note, so I thought I'd share.

So, here's the question I'll pose: whenever DRDT's Chapter 2 Scrum Debate eventually appears, can we deduce who the killer is by which side of the Scrum Debate they're on? (DRDT spoilers, obviously, as well as V3 spoilers.)

Let's start out with the facts of DRDT so far. I'll recap the Scrum Debate using this formatting: the person listed first is the one who speaks first, on the team opposite the protagonist. The person listed after the arrow (->) is the person who countered them from the protagonist's team. The team whose opinion is proven correct by the end of the Trial will have their names in green, while the incorrect team will be listed in red. The killer is bolded. The protagonist is underlined. The protagonist's side always wins, so I'm not additionally marking that in any special way. I'll list anyone who doesn't talk at the bottom, and cross their name out (name) if they're dead.

DRDT Chapter 1 Scrum Debate

Question: Is Teruko the culprit? (yes/no) J -> Nico David -> Whit Veronika -> Rose Levi -> Ace Hu -> Eden Arei -> Arturo Min -> Teruko No lines: Xander, Charles

In this case, Xander didn't speak in the Scrum Debate (because he's dead) and neither did Charles (because he was having a mental breakdown). As it stands so far in DRDT, the "pattern" is that the killer, Min, spoke and was on the team opposite from Teruko. She was countered by Teruko herself, even!

Therefore, you could say that "the killer will be someone who argues on the opposite side of the protagonist, and possibly even whoever is countered by Teruko. If your killer pick winds up on Teruko's team, it's bad news for you."

However, it's hard to find a pattern in only one example. Now, we'll see if those assumptions hold true when compared to the OG of Scrum Debates, the canonical Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony.

V3 Chapter 1 Scrum Debate

Question: Is Shuichi the culprit? (yes/no) Kiyo -> Gonta Miu -> Kaito Maki -> Kirumi Ryoma -> Kiibo Kokichi -> Kaede No lines: Rantaro, Angie, Tenko, Tsumugi, Himiko, Shuichi (^ Unlike what's been shown in DRDT so far, in V3, characters' death portraits are assigned to a side of the Scrum Debate. That is what these colors note for Rantaro right now, and other dead students below.)

V3 Chapter 2 Scrum Debate

Question: When was the body put in the piranha tank? (in the morning/at night) Tsumugi -> Angie Kiyo -> Himiko Miu -> Kaito Kokichi -> Shuichi Gonta -> Maki Kirumi -> Tenko No lines: Rantaro, Kaede, Ryoma, Kiibo

V3 Chapter 3 Scrum Debate

Question: [Should we] Vote for Korekiyo [now, or discuss it further]? (vote now/discuss further)* Himiko -> Kiibo Miu -> Shuichi Kaito -> Kiyo Gonta -> Kokichi Maki -> Kiyo Tsumugi -> Shuichi No lines: Rantaro, Kaede, Ryoma, Kirumi, Angie, Tenko (*Although the team that said vote for Kiyo now would have technically been correct, given that he did kill Tenko and Angie, it's generally good practice to discuss every piece of evidence in a Class Trial in case something strange comes up last minute. Thus, I will call the team that said they should discuss further correct. If you disagree with this verdict, just flip the colors in your mind.)

V3 Chapter 4 Scrum Debate

Question: Could Gonta have committed the crime? (no/yes) Kaito -> Shuichi Tsumugi -> Kokichi Maki -> Kiibo Kaito -> Shuichi Kaito -> Kokichi Himiko -> Kiibo Gonta -> Shuichi No lines: Rantaro, Kaede, Ryoma, Kirumi, Angie, Tenko, Kiyo, Miu

V3 Chapter 5 Scrum Debate

Question: Which one is dead? (Kokichi/Kaito) Kiibo -> Shuichi Himiko -> Maki Tsumugi -> Maki Kiibo -> Shuichi Himiko -> Maki Tsumugi -> Shuichi No lines: Rantaro, Kaede, Ryoma, Kirumi, Angie, Tenko, Kiyo, Miu, Gonta, Kokichi, Kaito

Oof, my man Ryoma cannot catch a break. And Miu is only correct once she's dead; that's pretty funny.

Now, let's answer some questions! As established by v3...

Does the blackened have to be on the opposite team from the protagonist? No, Kiyo argued on Shuichi's side in Ch3!

Does the blackened have to be countered by the protagonist in their Class Trial? No, Kirumi, Kiyo, and Kaito were never countered by Shuichi!

Is the blackened always on the incorrect side of the Scrum Debate? No, Kaede, Kiyo*, and Kaito answered correctly!

Does the blackened have to speak in the Class Trial? No, Kaito didn't say anything, as himself or as Kokichi!

(Granted, Kaito not speaking was a very special circumstances that will in all likelihood never apply to DRDT, much less in this Class Trial. And, of course, Kaede wasn't countered by the protagonist either, but given that she was the protagonist at the time, that would have been basically impossible.)

With these answers, I think we can confirm that, in general, you cannot determine who the killer of a given Trial is based on where they're placed in the Scrum Debate. As established by V3, they can talk on the side of the protagonist, talk against the protagonist, or not talk at all, and they can still be the killer. It makes sense that it would be this way, or else you could start calling the killer as early as the first episode of the Trial, depending on the Scrum Debate's placement.

However, that's not to say that you can never infer things from the evidence you're given. In a well written Class Trial (which DRDT has, in my opinion), a killer is always looking to support their end goals in subtle ways. In V3, all of the killers acted in the way that made the most sense to them based on the question asked: Kaede wanted to protect Shuichi and everyone else, Kirumi wanted others to think the truth of the murder was impossible, Kiyo wanted to extend the Trial to evade a guilty verdict, Gonta genuinely believed he was innocent, and Kaito didn't tip the scales by commenting on one side or another. Of course, that begs the question: what will DRDT's Scrum Debate be about?

Personally, I think it will be about whether Arei met with the killer at 7:30 PM or 7:30 AM, and will happen almost immediately once episodes resume. Thus, in that specific scenario, I find it likely that DRDT Chapter 2's killer will once again be on the team opposite Teruko. Presumably, the killer would want to argue that the time was 7:30 PM, because they likely left AM or PM off of the note intentionally because they had an alibi at night. If we assume that Teruko would side with Charles in saying that the time was 7:30 AM, playing into her feeling that something about David being the blackened is wrong, then that would put her on the (likely correct) AM team, opposite the killer.

An interesting side note about this theory for the Scrum Debate's subject is that it's really similar to V3's Chapter 2 Scrum Debate question. V3 Ch2 asked whether Ryoma's body was placed in the Gym in the morning or at night, and DRDT's may ask if Arei's body was put in the Playground in the morning or at night. Similarly, "is Shuichi the culprit" and "is Teruko the culprit" are almost identical questions, down to the person suspected being the innocent eventual protagonist who was only put into this precarious position by their trigger-happy bestie.

If this pattern holds up, we might expect DRDT's subsequent Scrum Debates to ask us whether we should make an impulsive or cautious decision, something about someone's personality as it pertains to the crime, and which of two people is dead/the culprit. Does that information get anyone theorizing? I certainly think it's interesting idea.

Well, whatever happens, I'm sure we'll have lots to talk about once Episode 12 does eventually dropped. Thanks for checking this out, and hopefully I can post more properly planned DRDT content soon.

[possessionisamyth]

In light of recent events, here are some mantras I think everyone should keep close to their chests.

1) Horrible people are capable of making amazing art.

Morality has no marker on experience and skill level. Only what they produce can, in theory, reveal their inner beliefs.

2) Do not put famous people or anyone on a pedestal.

You can be inspired and touched by what they create. There's no need to raise them to a hero or god like status in your mind. They will be awkward, annoying, and so very human it may lead you to disappointment and sadness when they don't meet the image you made of them in your head.

3) "Separate the art from the artist" rhetoric only works if the artist is dead or can no longer profit from the IP.

Every dollar you give to a franchise with a living bigoted artist is supporting their life style. They still receive that money even if you don't vocally support their beliefs. Please remain aware of where you put your wallet since financial support is still support. Pirate if you're desperate, but do not pretend buying merchandise directly from the store is harmless.

4) Respecting victims should be your priority.

You were not the ones hurt the most by events which occured. Conversation around this topic needs to be tagged appropriately and spoken of with sympathy.

As many people want to claim "they knew there was something fishy about X", it's not about lounging in your self perceived righteousness for not being into the thing. You are neither unique nor special for not getting into a media where the creator was revealed to be harmful. You were just as ignorant as the rest of us, and your bad feeling being validated is about as significant as claiming to sense ghosts in a house full of black mold.

In addition to this, fans of the media should not be taking this time to victimize themselves. Learning information like this so suddenly means we are aware you didn't know. There will not be your imaginary mob coming into your inbox to send you death threats or dox you for having made fan content. Stop acting like self flagellation or taking up arms is the next logical step to defend your interest.

5) You are allowed to be angry and hurt.

It's easy for me to say don't make people your heroes, but I know this isn't a mindset many people adhere too. Especially not people who are looking for footholds to build their skills and find inspiration and connection in the art someone of their similar passion creates. You can sit in your frustration and despair for a little while. Give yourself time to fully process what has occured, and then choose your next course of action. The internet has taught many people to react immediately to everything, but this is not nor has ever been required of you.

✌🏾

[ms-demeanor]

hi, hopefully this isnt a stupid question -- this is only my second election i'm voting in, and i'm a little confused about results. is it actually confirmed that trump has won, or is it just almost certain based on the counted votes? bc i know that provisional ballots (like mine) probably arent immediately counted, and there was that thing about votes needing to be verified because of signatures, plus to my knowledge the electoral college doesnt vote til december? i'm probably just grasping at an infinitesimal chance of things not being shit, but also i do actually want to understand and google is not helping :( if you can't explain no worries, you just seem to be knowledgable & willing to answer questions haha

This is absolutely not a stupid question.

So everything is currently pointing at what is most likely, not at what is 100% certain, but it's like 99% certain. There are still votes being counted, but in the states where the election has been called it has been called either because enough of the ballots have been counted that the remaining count wouldn't change the results, or that the area is historically so strongly in favor of one party that it's exceptionally unlikely that they'd flip the other way (for example, they're still counting california's ballots but you're more likely to get struck by lightning five times today than california is to flip red in this election). The places that have not yet been called do not have enough electoral votes for Harris to win the election.

The electoral college is exceedingly unlikely to flip their votes against the state/district vote; "Faithless electors" is the term for members of the electoral college who would vote against the vote they are committed to for their region. It was something discussed in both the 2016 election and the 2020 election and flipping the electoral college without winning the election was the motivation behind J6. As shitty and bullshit as I think the electoral college is, if you're going to have one and you're going to have the rule of law, you can't hope for faithless electors because what you're hoping for at that point is that the people representing you are acting directly against the choice of the voters.

I want you to listen to me. I have been voting in presidential elections since 2004. Presidential elections always suck. Who the president is does matter, and does impact your life, but you genuinely do not have a ton of influence over that so you can't let it throw you into despair and inaction, because we should be active and political and protesting the wrongs of the world even if your favored political party wins. Vote in local elections, work with your local community, and if your local community sucks too, work with online communities to both give and get support.

Whenever something like this happens, people pass around the Mr. Rogers quote about looking to the helpers. I like that quote. I think it's good, I think it's hopeful, I think it helps! But I also think that sometimes it's even more effective if you look for how to help. Who are you the most scared for after this election? Who are you worried about in your community or among your friends? What can you do that might make their life easier? What can you do to protect people like that in your community? What don't you know that might make you better prepared to help them in the future?

One thing that I think is a fantastic way to prepare to help is to either begin or continue learning a language that you don't know. I am working hard on my Spanish because I live in California and there are a ton of Spanish speakers here who I might be able to help. Is it directly aiding anyone right at this second that I'm practicing conjugation? No. But it might help someone who is being harassed by a cop, or who is unhoused and needs help, or who is being abused by an employer at some point in the future, and I can get myself ready to help. Learn how to use naloxone and pick up up an inhaler; you might not need it now, but it'll make you ready to help someone who does need it. Order free covid tests every chance you get, even if you don't need them, because then you can give them out to people who do need them. Plan B has a multi-year shelf life. Pick some up so that you've got some on hand if someone needs it.

Maybe there's nothing you can do right at this exact second (though if you are able to donate to gender affirmation fundraisers, border kindness, abortion funds, bail funds, etc., you can absolutely do that), but you can get ready to help someone who will need you someday.

[beatrice-otter]

I’ll be honest, when one party’s aiding and abetting the genocide and the other’s outright gonna kill all my friends, I don’t really care if the fascists “win”. They’ve won already.

You know who would be delighted to hear that? Trump and Putin. The US far right and the Russian government have poured lots of time, effort, and money over the last decade+ into convincing US leftists and liberals that things are hopeless, there's no point in even trying to make things better, and the Democrats and Republicans are functionally interchangeable. They do this because one of the easiest ways for them to win is if the left gives up and stops trying. Every person on the left they can convince to give up in despair brings them closer to complete control. Defeatism on the left actively supports victory on the right.

I think your statement is wrong on a number of levels, both factual and emotional. It comes from not understanding what the actual options are for the US government and the President specifically, either at home or abroad. And it will allow actual fascism to flourish and make the world far worse than it is now.

On an emotional level, the way to address this is to stop doomscrolling. Stop focusing on the worst things happening in the world. Don't ignore them! but don't let them consume you. Start looking for the things that are going well. Find places in your community that you can get involved in making things better. Even if it's only on a small scale like volunteering in a soup kitchen or homeless shelter, it will help you realize that you aren't helpless, that there are things that can be done to make the world a better place. Stay informed about things on a local, national, and international level, but limit how much time and attention you give to things that depress you that you can't affect. Instead of sitting there thinking about all the ways the world sucks and how awful things are, look for things you can do that are productive, and then do them. You'll feel better and you will have made your corner of the world a little better. And you will be a lot less likely to unintentionally fall into the despair, nihilism, and passivity that the fascists want you to be consumed by.

Always remember that the worlds problems are not resting solely on your shoulders, or solely on America's shoulders, and neither is the hope of fixing them. Everyone has things that we can do to make the world a better place, but there are also things that are beyond our control. We can control what we do; we cannot control what others do. We can and should try to make the world a better place, but focusing on the things we can't change has no positive benefits. Focusing on things we can't change accomplishes two things: it makes you feel bad, and it stops you from doing the things you actually can do to make things better. Neither of these things is good for you or anyone else. Look for things you can do and do them. Keep informed on the things you can't change, but don't focus on them.

On a factual level, let's look at "aiding and abetting genocide," shall we?

First, it's important to remember that the US President is not the God-Emperor Of The World. The US government has limits to what it can and can't do in other countries, and both legally and practically. If the US wants to intervene in a problem in another country, there are a variety of things we can do that boil down to basically four categories. It's a lot more complex than this in practice, of course, but in general here are the categories of things we can do:

Send in the troops. Invade, either by ourselves or as part of a NATO or UN operation. (Or maybe just send in a CIA wetworks team to assassinate the head of state.) I hope you can see the moral problems with this option, and also, we've done this a shitton of times over the course of the 20th Century and pretty much every time we've done it, we've made an already awful situation worse. On a moral level, it's pretty bad, and on a practical level, it's worse. Sure, we could stop the immediate problem, but what then? Consider Afghanistan and Iraq. We got rid of Saddam Hussein and the Taliban, and everything went to shit, we spent twenty years occupying Afghanistan with pretty much nothing to show for it. (The Taliban is back in control of Afghanistan.) Things were worse when we left than when we arrived. So this option is pretty much off the table (or should be).

Diplomatic pressure. Now, the thing is, they're a sovereign nation, they don't have to listen to us if they don't want to. We have a lot of things we can leverage--including financial aid--but the only way to force them to do what we want is to invade and conquer, and that only works temporarily. Since we can't force, we have to persuade. This requires us to maintain our existing relationship with the country in question, and possibly strengthen it, because that relationship is what we're leveraging to try and influence them to do what we want them to do. If we do not maintain our relationship, they have no reason to listen to us.

Cut ties and go home. Break off any existing relationship and support, loudly proclaim that they're awful and doing awful things and we wash our hands of the whole situation. This keeps our own hands lily-white and pure, but it also means we have zero leverage to work on any kind of a diplomatic solution. They have no reason to listen to us or care about what we think. We can pat ourselves on the back for doing the right thing, but we destroy our own ability to influence anything. Not just now, but also in the future. Let's say the current crisis ends, and then ten years later there's another crisis. If we want to have any effect then, we would have to start from square one to start building a relationship. Cutting ties would be great for making Americans feel better about ourselves, and there are times when it's the only option, but it should be a last resort. If there is any hope of being able to influence things for the better this will destroy it at least temporarily.

Cut ties and impose sanctions. Break off any existing relationship and support, loudly proclaim that they're awful and doing awful things, but also use the might of the American economy to isolate and punish them. We've done this a lot over the 20th Century, too, and it has never actually resulted in the country in question buckling down and toeing the line we want them to. What happens is the sanctioned country has an economic shock (how long it lasts and how bad it gets depends on a lot of factors) and then pulls themselves back together economically, except this time they're more self-sufficient and less reliant on international trade and financial networks. They tell themselves that America is evil and the cause of all their problems, and so not only do they not listen to us, they actively hate us. And they have fewer international relationships, so fewer reasons to care about what the international community thinks about them. So they're most likely to double down on whatever it is they're doing that we don't like. This one is completely counterproductive and utterly stupid. It's great for making Americans feel better about ourselves, but if we actually care about being able to use our influence for good (or, at least, to mitigate evil) this option shoots us in the foot. It encourages other nations to do the very thing we're trying to stop them from doing.

So, with those four options in mind, both option one (invasion/assassination) and option four (sanctions) are off the table for being immoral and counterproductive. That leaves "breaking our relationship and going home" and "using diplomatic pressure" as our only two viable options.

Biden has chosen option two, diplomatic pressure. Yes, he and our government have continued financial support for Israel ... but with strings attached. They have put limits on it that have never been put on any US foreign aid before. They have taken legal steps to lay the groundwork to target Israeli settlers (i.e. Israeli citizens who confiscate Palestinian homes and businesses). We've been hearing reports for months that Benjamin Netanyahu (Israeli Prime Minister, and a far-right-wing demagogue) hates Biden's guts, because Biden is pressuring him to stop the genocide and work towards peace. Biden is maintaining the relationship, and he's using that relationship to try and influence things to curb the violence and pave the way for a just peace settlement of some sort. Biden has also mentioned the possibility of a two state solution where Palestine becomes its own completely separate country. That's huge, because up until this point the US position has always been that Israel is the only possible legitimate nation in that territory. If Biden stopped US support for Israel, it wouldn't force Israel to stop what it's doing ... but it would let them ignore us. It would remove any leverage or influence we might have.

Biden's hands aren't clean. But the only way for them to be clean would be to also give up any chance of influencing the situation or working to protect Palestinians now or in the future. Only time will tell if it works, but I personally would rather have someone who tried and failed than someone who didn't even try. You might disagree about whether this is the right course of action, and there's a lot of room for honest disagreement about the issue (there's a lot of nuances that I'm glossing over or ignoring). But please do acknowledge that Biden isn't supporting Israel because he supports genocide; he's doing it so that he can continue to maintain diplomatic pressure on Israel to stop the violence.

Which brings us back to "aiding and abetting genocide." Trump is not like Biden. Trump is good friends with Netanyahu and backs Israel to the hilt. Trump thinks that all Arabs are terrorists (and all Muslims are terrorists) and genuinely believes the world would be a better place with them dead. Biden is continuing to support Israel, but using that support as influence to get them to stop or slow down. Trump would be using that influence to encourage them.

And those are the two choices. Someone who is trying to curb the genocide, and someone who actively supports it.

I really hope you can see the significant and substantial difference between those two positions.

But let's say that you're right and Biden's policy towards Israel and Palestine is every bit as bad as Trump's would be. If there was nothing to choose between them on foreign policy grounds, there would still be a shitton to choose between them on domestic policy grounds. You admit that the right wants to kill your friends, and yet you don't seem to think that stopping them from killing your friends might be a good thing to do.

"We can't save Palestinians, so we might as well let Republicans destroy the rights, lives, and futures of LGBTQ+ people, women, people of color, people with disabilities, poor people, non-Christians, and anyone else they don't like." "We can't save Palestinians, so why bother to try to save the people we might actually be able to save." "We can't save Palestinians right now, so there's no point in trying to build up a longer-term political bloc that might drag US politics to the left over the long run."

Do you get why there's a problem with that line of thought?

[snowsinterlude]

🍒 - fitting room.

summary: your soon to be husband always did his best to keep you happy and pretty for him, once a month he would always take you out to keep you in fashion, even if that was just an excuse to fuck you in a fitting room.

c.w: nsfw, smut, p in v, blowjob (m. recieving), dirty talk, public sex, fitting room sex, almost caught, cum denial, mentions to tit slapping and clit slapping, creampie, breeding, dom snow, sub reader, president snow x soon to be wife reader, sex in public places

being wed to the president of panem had some strange types of luxury that comes with it.

one of them being your wardrobe, full to the brim with clothes he brought to you, he had to build you an entire closet to fit in all the things he got you. jewelry, dresses, everything that he wanted you to wear for him, too. lingerie being the thing he always told you to buy.

so today, once again, you were on another luxury store with him, buying clothes and asking for his opinion on certain clothes, knowing he was glad to help you.

"m'love-" you called him, shyly. he gave the assistant of the store a look that was enough to send her away, and when he entered, he could see your panties on your hands while you wore one of the store's new dress. you were olaying with the fabric of your panties like a timid whore, hands occupied with it.

"what..." he chuckled, not even needing to ask anything when you fluttered your eyes at him, his dick starting to stiff up when you swayed your hips to his direction, arms hugging his waist shyly.

"it's just, you know.. you have been such a good husband to me and our wedding didn't even occur, i thought we could, you know, uh... advance the honeymoon."

ah, it wasn't the first time you guys fucked, but those words were enough for him to kiss you all of a sudden, pinning you on the wall while putting your panties on his pockets.

you did your best to make him happy too, always satisfying him and his dick, pumping him while on your knees, tears welling on your eyes as you licked his tip, kissing it open mouthed.

"don't let any drop fall on the dress, okay?" he growled, and you nodded obediently, the action making your head bob on his cock, earning a chuckle out of his lips.

you pulled away a bit, breathing heavily before giving his balls a small kiss. he slapped your face lightly, putting his entire being into not hurting your pretty face and thanking heavens for you being a whore who liked such dirty things.

"coryo, i.. hn, i want you to cum inside of me." you said, breathless after drooling on his cock, getting it purposefully wet for it to enter your gushing ignored cunt.

"god, you're such a bitch." he chuckled, pulling you to stand up, your legs shaking from being on your knees for longer than you actually remembered being.

with your thigh being held by his hand to spread your legs apart, your hands were holding onto anything in that fitting room that could help you not to fall. your moans were muffled by your own panties, that he had stuffed in his pocket before calling you a whore for making him have to muffle your lewd sounds with your own panties.

"i can't believe you are such a perverted whore, drooling on your own panties while i fuck you senseless." he whispered on your ear, kissing your neck while his skin slapped against yours. "maybe i should fuck some sense into you, don't you think so, bunny?"

his question was ironic, but you still nodded pathetically, a despair he had never seen before on anyone's eyes, your tears probably being the main thing that made him think of that.

then, there was a sudden knock on the fitting room door, which made you panic, but not him, his thrusts could have gotten a bit slower, but your pussy was still gushing around him, your eyes rolling back in pleasure as you moaned against your panties.

"miss snow?" the assistant asked, ear on the door as she tried to hear what was happening inside the fitting room. "miss snow, is everything alright?"

her voice seemed a bit worried, and coriolanus kisses on your neck made you even weaker, his mouth nibbling on your ear.

"be a good girl and answer her. and don't you dare make those slutty sounds of yours." he whipered, taking the panties out of your mouth, you let out a soft sob and breathed in heavily before answering.

"y..yes, it is." you blurted out. "is there.. is there anything 'rong?" you fucked yourself back on his dick while saying those things, his hands grabbing your ass with desire, lust and gluttony, marking his hand prints on your ass.

"no. i just needed to know if your husband was there. it is not allowed to have two people in the same fitting room in the store, i need to follow the rules." she said, and your pussy gripped tightly on his cock, his finger masturbating your clit non stop.

"h-he's not there." you answered, pausing multiple times to try and control your sobs.

"but you called him earlier, miss." she said.

"yeah, only t-to zip up.. m-my dress..!" you said, biting your lip as his hand met your cheek again and again, your lips trembling as you cried a bit.

"oh.. okay, miss! please call me if needed." she said, coriolanus relaxed seeing her shadow disappear on the ground, your mouth being stupidly stuffed with your panties again.

"god, you're a terrible actor, bunny." he said, picking up pace while fucking you deep and fast. "great thing you're such a perfect wife for me."

you mewled into his touches, feeling him slap your butt terribly strong, your skin burning as you moaned. "'m sowwy, love" you said, not taking in the tease, it was too difficult to speak up when there was a pair of panties shoved on your mouth.

he slapped across your boobs, your nipples stinging up while his other thumb rubbed against your over sensitive clit against his skillful hands, his hand slapping and pinching at your clit.

"sorry, coryo, sorry!" you begged, crying eyes closing shut as you felt your climax next and ready to engulf your body, but it didn't.

however, he was the first to cum, breeding you up real nice for him while you kept crying.

"coryo!" you begged, not even needing to say the words for him to know what you wanted, his index and his thumb kept on assaulting your clit, his lips kissing your tears.

"sorry, bunny. you're not gonna cum until we arrive home." and those words were enough for you to cry more, your pussy clenching as he pulled his cock away, leaving your cunt to clench on the air, already missing his cock. "be a good girl, okay? if you complain, you won't be cumming for the next month." he threatened.

he helped you dress your panties again, paying for the dress that was still on your body, your body, that was still stuffed with his cum. you and him walked to home, he only demanded that the chauffeur would leave your shopping bags on your closet.

he made you walk all the way to home with your panties stuffed in cum, but you didn’t and you wouldn't complain. you knew that the best you behaved, the soon you'd be cumming on your shared bed, making a mess on his face and on his cock.

you hugged his arm, biting your lip while day dreaming about how much he'd fuck you when you both arrived home. which he did.

[iridescentflamingo]

TMNT Head cannons

Bayverse Turtles. Just ideas that kind of poured out tonight. (Aged up turtles, you can pick but I want them 30-ish. ~NSFW)

🧡🐢🎇🧡

The easiest turtle to win over is Mikey. He practically throws himself at you. When you give him positive attention back, he just ramps up his flirting. He has pet names for you for days. Eventually, he'll settle on one or two good ones and use them instead of your name almost always. You are going to have to confirm that you have feelings for him before he takes it to the next level. Due to the fact that he is so very straight forward and right out the gates with his cat calling, you have to confirm that you are not just being nice and playing along. He's a flirt, not a creep. (Maturity has found him, it just took him a few more years than his brothers)

Once you do, your fate is sealed. Mikey is definitely a very handsy, flirty, hiding no feelings and having practically no shame kinda dude. He doesn't care if anyone sees, hears, smells etc. his flirting and most of his physical romancing. Telling you how hard you make him a bit louder than he should, toughie tough. Making out on the couch in front of everyone, he doesn't care. Getting caught with his hand down your pants in the kitchen, oh well.

What he does keep secret and quiet is when he vents. Always expected to be the fun and sunshine brother, you become his confidant when he's got heavy feels things to unload. To make sure that it doesn't bog you down, he tries his hardest to end with something more positive and turn it back into good-vibes.

The other thing he'll keep more on the down-low is when the two of you are trying new fetishes or engaging in kinky play for the first time. He doesn't want to be interrupted or for you to get embarrassed and then never want to try again, so that stuff stays in his room, when he knows it's private and he won't be bothered. After y'all get comfortable with it, maybe then he's less cautious.

💙🐢🌊💙

Leo is tough to know. He's dead set on his duties to the point that it's most of his personality, until you get to know him better, and that only happens if he lets you. It'll be slow. He will start by sharing random tidbits of himself that don't have to do with ninjutsu, weapons, or his leadership responsibilities. In the beginning they're bland, basic facts; which pizza toppings he prefers, his favorite type of TV show, his preferred genre of book. They're things you could gleam from just being around him for more than a few days. He's stupid cautious.

His next step would be to ask if you want to do some training with him. He sticks to simple things, testing your abilities and skills. It's really more to learn about you, but it's a start. He takes it easy on you, mostly dodging until you get frustrated, and then maybe he humbles you with a sneaky move like knocking you off your feet. He doesn't ask you if you want to practice again, he waits for you to ask.

Over time, the training becomes more physical and he shares actual details about himself, but you have to be giving info in return. Knowing what his favorite movie is probably would never be information that The Foot uses against him, but you never know. You have got to meet him, tit for tat, and offer your own truths. If he catches you lying, you're not just back to zero, you're in the negative.

Eventually, if you've managed to gain his trust and build a strong connection with him, Leo will open up properly. He will joke, play, swat, and treat you like one of his brothers, with a more gentle approach because you're not a 200lb+ muscled turtle.

If romance blooms, expect another slow trudge full of trust building and honesty before you get any proper boyfriend-esque attention. Once past the awkward "we shouldn't, it's too dangerous, how would this work?, I'm not human, will you really be happy here?" Swamp of despair, it should be smooth sailing. Be honest and he's all yours.

All that time spent building that relationship will return ten-fold from Leo with whatever type of affection you ask for. He wants to please, he wants you happy, and he will make it so if possible.

❤️🐢🥊❤️

Raph is going to keep his feelings secret for as long as he can. He hides his insecurities by trying to be the biggest, heaviest hitter, and a tank for his brothers. And those are just his viewed shortcomings compared to his three brothers. When looking at you, he compares himself against all men. He has little hope. In the mirror he sees a big, green face with sharp features and a scowling, RBF. He may act like hot shit in front of his brothers, but it's a front. Besides his appearance and size, his temper can flare, and he's come a long way since he was a teen, but it can still explode from him, which is terrifying to see, especially up close. He's very aware and is afraid that if you see him in that state, it will only reinforce the fact that he's a monster.

You will see glimpses of how sweet he can be from time to time, but they won't come often. When you're around, his guard is up doing double time; keeping up appearances and keeping his feelings in check. Over time his facade will falter occasionally. He'll be laughing at your jokes, ribbing you when you get frustrated over video games, checking to see if you've eaten, and maybe even leaning against you as he nods off on the couch. When you smile at his playfulness and kindness, he'll smile back until he catches himself and suddenly remembers that he has something to do. It will probably be going to their home gym.

If you can manage to get him to accept that you honestly and truly think he is not a monster, and that you want to be around him, and miss him when you're not with him, you're going to get someone who can be a huge teddy bear cuddler, but also someone who likes to get physical and more rough in the bedroom. This is going to take a lot of repeating yourself and him asking, not always subtly, if you really mean it. If you're sure you wouldn't be happier with some other guy. If your eyes work. If he's really not too big. If if if... You will learn that kisses can usually stop him from spiraling.

Sometimes Raph wants to cuddle and be soft and tender. Despite his size he is careful. He handles you like you're a porcelain figurine in the beginning. With the practiced ability to knit, his large hands can be surprisingly dexterous and delicate. He is not a bull in a china shop unless he chooses to. Quiet times together have him completely wrapped around you, holding you carefully close and seeking your body warmth. You are careful not to laugh the first time he slips and churrs when he begins to doze off in your arms. He won't do it again if you embarrass him.

Over time, he allows himself to be a bit more rough with you. At first it is just careful roughhousing, perhaps some near choreographed play tackles or even picking you up and pretending to slam you on the bed, setting you down carefully with sound effects instead of actual violence (Raph may have loved watching WWE growing up). After a bout of rougher hands-on play, he notices that you're turned on. This changes things immediately. Taking advantage of the situation, the play shifts from silly to sexual in an instant.

You both end up having the most amazing sex you've ever had thus far. The next day you talk about it as you ice bruises and he apologizes as you hobble around when you first get up from bed. As a couple, you set limits and it becomes a more regular thing. You enjoy this rougher type of sex and he enjoys being able to be less careful. Being rough is in his nature and you loving it and getting off to it just helps strengthen your bond.

💜🐢⚛️💜

(Saved the best for last~)

Donnie is guarded, but secretly hopeful about the possibility of a relationship. This busy, brainy, tech wizard of a brother is a master of design and invention, but he still has his own hang ups. Instead of fighting off insecurities, he fights anxiety, boredom, and possibly depression. Instead of working out or training, he buries himself in his work. Keeping busy keeps his mind from wandering into darker thoughts. It also leads him to pass out and sleep dreamless sleep. He knows that it isn't healthy, but the other thoughts aren't good for him either.

When he notices that you've taken an interest in what he is working on, he eagerly shares to the point of info-dumping. If he catches himself, he apologizes out of reflex. You have to dismiss it or he will assume that, like his brothers, you do not have time to hear him ramble. Asking him questions, especially if you do not understand what he is talking about, will spur him on to explain. He's patient and wants to share his knowledge. If you pretend to know, he can tell, and won't say anything, but will take note that you're just trying to be nice in order to placate him and get him to stop.

Always watching and analyzing everything, he'll take notice who you talk to when you arrive, who you spend the most time with, how you react to his other brothers antics and conversations, who you decide to sit next to, how much physical contact you give and to who... He sees it all and makes mental notes. He will also overthink things. Were you just laughing at Mikey's jokes, or was that flirting? Were you smiling at Leo because he was kind, or was that something more? Was that shove you attempted to give Raph just for fun, or were you trying to spur him to touch you? If you don't give him equal or more attention, he will notice and make pessimistic predictions.

If you give him the most attention out of his brothers and are genuinely interested in his projects and research, he will take note and begin to test you a little. While handing him a screwdriver, he notes how you react when his fingers linger on yours a little longer than they should have. As he explains the wiring on a smaller machine, he stealthily monitors your pulse rate when he moves close enough for your arms to press against one another. After some motor oil droplets splash on your cheek, he watches your face for any signs as he gently wipes the dark spots away with his thumb. Every action is inconspicuous and easily dismissed, but a treasure trove of valuable information before he makes any kind of decision as to what to do.

If he is completely positive that you harbor a crush on him, he meticulously plans his own confession. A true romantic, he wants this to be perfect. The two of you will be alone, most likely in his lab space where he is most comfortable. His brothers will either be out or busy. You won't have any idea that this is a special evening and will be under the guise that you're coming over to help him out with a project, as you often did. He'll let the evening start out with that project, but will end up shifting your attention to something else he's made. The secret project will be something impressive that has you in awe, asking how long he's been working on it. That's when he makes his move.

His answers have been rehearsed in his mind over and over, but his nerves still cause him to shake and some of his answers carry a hint of nervousness, but his face is confident and sure. He reports his data to you and details how he's noticed your affection. Still monitoring you, he is careful and has a backup plan readied in case he has to abort his admission. If everything goes as planned, you end up with his hand on your cheek and a gentle first kiss upon your lips.

Donatello is almost clingy with his affection. You receive messages when you are not around him and when you are at the lair, he is close to you or at least nearby. He seeks physical contact often but in more discrete ways when around others. At the dinner table, he'll move his leg so that his calf is leaning against yours. During movie night, he is hip to hip with you on the couch, encouraging you to lean against him once the flick starts. It's not completely hidden, but its modest.

Away from prying eyes, it is a completely different story. Hands end up under and in clothing as kisses turn from soft and sweet to hungry and demanding in seconds. All you have to do is say the right words. Donnie proves time and time again that he is a quick learner and has your body figured out within a couple of weeks. You find it difficult, at first, for him to properly let go and let you take the wheel, but in time the trust is built and he allows you to give without also receiving. He turns out to be a versatile switch after deviating from his original, more dominant, tenancies.

His favorite thing to do is make you climax. His second favorite thing is to climax together. His third is using toys...

~Ɛ>------------------------------------<3~

@thegirlwiththeninjaturtletattoos @sophiacloud28 @thelaundrybitch @the-cauldron-witch @tmntngl @avery73 @tmntngl

(lmk if I missed anyone's tags)

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

As a follow up to you post about mentors, just to make things fair, what are examples of Tikki being a bad mentor to Marinette?

Post in question for context.

Tikki often acts as the voice of the author. She's there to explain why Marinette is in the wrong. Since Miraculous has some wacky morals, that means we get a mix of good advice and wacky nonsense advice.

Two examples of bad advice that come to mind are Gamer and Strikeback. Gamer is the episode where Marinette stumbles upon an Ultimate Mecha Strike tournament, realizes that Adrien is taking part, and decides to compete so they can be on a team together. Marinette wins a spot through her own hard won skills and then this happens:

Tikki: All you wanted to do is spend time with Adrien, there are other ways to do that! Marinette: What are you getting at? Tikki: You know how much Max wanted to be in that tournament. Kim said he'd been training for it all year. Marinette: You're right. All I could think about was Adrien. 

This is how tournaments work, right? They're not tests of skill, but tests of who put in the most work or who wants to compete the most! That's why we had that scene with Marinette writing out her training schedule and motivations for evaluation, but she lied and that was wrong and...

Okay, I was the one lying here. There was no written evaluation because that's not how tournaments work. All anyone cares about is your skills. They don't care if you're doing this for personal glory or to get closer to a boy or whatever Adrien's motivation was because - notably - his motivation didn't matter in this episode about needing pure motives to be allowed to do things.

What if he didn't care about the competition and only did it to get closer to his classmates? That's not even a random guess. It's a valid read because Adrien ultimately gives his spot to Max while claiming that Max is the better player even though Adrien very clearly beat Max at the start of the episode. Ignoring that weird nonsense dialogue, why was it fine for Adrien to compete when he didn't care but wrong for Marinette to do the same? And Max wanting to compete to show off his skills is also a totally selfish motivation, so why does it matter that he wanted it more? Everything about this episode was nonsense and uncomfortably sexist. If Max wants to compete, then he needs to get better at the game. That's how competitions work.

Strikeback is the second part of the season four final and it starts with Marinette mourning the fact that "Adrien" has left Paris, leading to this:

Marinette: (crestfallen) It's all over, Tikki. Tikki: He'll be back, Marinette. He's just going on a voyage!

Which would be lovely advice if Adrien was a normal boy, but he's Chat Noir and Tikki knows that. She should be freaking out and trying to find a way to get him back to Paris, but then Tikki would have to support Marinette's actions and we can't have that, so instead Tikki gives this nonsense advice because she has to be against whatever "wrong" thing Marinette is doing today.

I could come up with a few more examples, but I think those two paint a pretty good picture of issue one re Tikki. However, when it comes to Tikki, my main issue with her is less a wealth of bad advice - unlike Plagg*, I think she's right more often than not - and more a lack of support. It feels like she's just here to judge Marinette and point out when she's doing something wrong, but a good mentor should be so much more than that.

Kuro Neko is a great example of this. When Chat Noir quits, Tikki just sits back and does nothing while her young charge is freaking out. She doesn't even try to defend Marinette when Plagg is going off about Chat Noir's "ill treatment". For all Plagg's faults in that episode, at least he's doing something about the situation. Meanwhile Tikki literally has two lines in the entire episode! A similar thing happens in Kwami's Choice where Plagg is the one driving them to act while Tikki just wrings her hands in despair.

Tikki: (sighs heavily) What can we do? Plagg: We must free them of that impossible choice. We must… free them of us.

These are not the actions of a mentor. Mentors aren't supposed to just offer judgement about things that their mentee has already done or is considering doing. They're supposed to be a source of support and guidance in hard times, but we never really see Tikki stepping in to give Marinette that kind of advice. If memory serves, she never offers solutions or acts as a sounding board. That role is mainly filled by Alya and I love Alya! It's good for Marinette to have support from a friend, but Alya is also a teenager while Tikki is an ancient being who has seen many Ladybugs go through the kind of struggles that Marinette is going through. I expect her to use that knowledge to help her charge, but she never does. This exchange from Passion perfectly highlights this problem:

Tikki: Don't worry, Plagg... my holder has decided to run away from her real feelings to pursue an impossible love with Cat Noir instead. Plagg: Uh, just to be sure, sugarcube, you do know that Cat Noir and my holder are one and the same person, right? Tikki: I do, but my holder doesn't. Plagg: If she declares her love to Cat Noir, something tells me she'll find out soon enough. Tikki: You have nothing to fear. When my holder is in love, she never gets anywhere. She'll just knit hats and make very complicated plans that will never come to fruition. Plagg: Hmm... ah, then everything's fine.

Tikki, I love you, but by the gods! With a mentor like you, Marinette doesn't need enemies to be miserable! Do you care about her at all??? What kind of mentor delights at their mentee's suffering? Not a good one, that's for sure.

*Quick note: I think that Plagg and Tikki are probably neck and neck for who has given the most bad advice, Plagg just feels like the bigger problem because we don't see him as much as we see Tikki. Since she's tied to the main character, Tikki gives advice in almost every episode and most episodes have decent morals.

Adrien's need for good advice can also feel more glaring because he's so isolated and passive. That makes Plagg's lack of good advice feel more harmful, but Marinette is just as isolated from real advice. Her mentor figures - Su Han, Fu, and Tikki - mostly give orders and judgement instead of support and guidance. It's just harder to spot that fact because Marinette is actively trying to do the right thing, meaning that she's more likely to make mistakes, and it's easy to see why she comes across as a lot less pathetic and a lot easier to judge.

[iicehoon]

LEVEL UP | STREAMER!SOOBIN X READER

︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶︶⠀୨♡୧⠀︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶

"NO NO NO NO," you heard your boyfriend, Soobin, yell in despair.

Glancing at the Snoopy-themed clock, it read 2:30 AM, marking five hours since he started streaming. You recalled his excitement about being sponsored by the game, hoping for future offers if it goes well.

Rising from your spot on the shared bed, you crossed the dimly lit hall to quietly open the door to his room. He remained intensely focused on the screen, the soft clicks of his mechanical keyboard echoing as you entered. Frustrated sighs followed each demise of his character on screen.

"Chat, you don't understand," he started, setting aside his keyboard and mouse. "No username, I am not taking backseat gaming or any advice from you. The last time I did that, it made me restart the ENTIRE game."

You chuckled softly, watching your boyfriend ruffle his hair in frustration. His slouched shoulders hinted that he was nearing his breaking point and pretty ready to end the stream.

"Binnie," you called out, settling into the beanbag adjacent to his desk.

Soobin perked up instantly at the sound of his name, swiftly removing his earbuds as he rose to approach you. "When did you come in?" he asked, crouching down to your level. Leaning in, he planted a kiss on your lips before gently settling on top of you, eliciting a surprised yelp at his sudden weight.

"You've been at it for five hours, hun," you said, poking his side playfully until he squirmed and finally got up after the tenth poke.

"Come here, and I'll show you why," he motioned you over, patting his lap. His followers knew about you because he couldn't help but talk about you at times, and they have seen your face from the times you brought him snacks or a drink during his streams.

"Hi Chat," You smiled, bringing your face closer to his webcam and giving them a little wave when you settled on his lap.

"Okay," Soobin placed his chin on your shoulder and returned his hands to the keyboard and mouse. "Just watch and see why I just can't get past this stupid level."

You weren't as big of a gamer as Soobin, but you knew your way around from the games he played or even those you tried yourself from the days when he didn't want to be at his computer.

One of the perks of having a gamer boyfriend who was also a popular streamer was having access to his Steam account and his credits to buy games that piqued your interest, often discovered from TikTok.

Your eyes analyzed his movements, and you couldn't help but giggle when he dropped his head, hitting the back of your neck. "I don't understand why it's not working," he sighed in frustration.

"Well, it's because you're not hitting that when you're doing your runs," you explained, gently removing his hands from the setup in front of you. Slowly, you moved his character over to what you believed was the key element for him to pass this level. "See, it's breakable with that TNT sign on it."

You restarted the level and began to execute your run. As you played, Soobin's eyes moved back and forth between his main screen and your side profile, a lovestruck smile spreading across his face, just as his chat had claimed always happened whenever you were in his peripheral vision.

His smile widened as you cheered, successfully passing the level he had spent the majority of his time on. "Wait, babe, you're crazy good," he exclaimed, his jaw-dropping in amazement at the winning transition.

"I'm just better than you, Soobie boobie" you teased, twisting slightly to face him and sticking out your tongue.

He shook his head, laughing, and wrapped his arms tighter around your waist, giving you a quick peck on your cheek.

His joyful expression quickly shifted to one of furrowed eyebrows as he read his chat.

"Chat, she IS NOT replacing me," he groaned, "And stop asking if she's single. I'll literally make out with her right here, right now."

an | there is no specific game I'm referencing, I couldn't really think of one but if anyone has an idea, I can make it for another one!

[lev1hei1chou]

Gossip Girl

Gojo x reader Genre: Fluff Synopsis: Gojo judges people at a party Masterlist

"Do you think he actually believes that comb-over is fooling anyone?" Gojo whispered, leaning down to your ear, his breath tickling your neck.

You giggled, trying to stifle the sound with your hand. "I know, right? It's like the hair is trying to escape his head."

Gojo snorted, straightening up and taking a sip of his drink. "And look at her over there," he continued, nodding towards a woman in a neon pink dress that hugged her in all the wrong places. "I swear, Barbie called and she wants her dress back."

You nearly choked on your drink, doubling over in laughter. "Stop it! You're going to get us caught," you managed between breaths, wiping away tears of mirth.

Gojo grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Hey, we're just here to observe the high society in its natural habitat. Think of it as research."

"Research, huh?" you replied, raising an eyebrow. "And what exactly are we researching?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment, then flashed you a brilliant smile. "The limits of human taste and the fascinating ways people choose to ignore them."

You nudged him playfully. "You're terrible, you know that?"

"I try," he said with a wink. "But seriously, look at that guy over there. Is he wearing socks with sandals?"

You turned to see a middle-aged man obliviously chatting away, indeed sporting the offensive footwear combination. "Oh my god," you whispered. "I thought that was just a myth."

"Nope, living proof right there," Gojo said, shaking his head in mock despair. "It's like witnessing a rare bird."

"A rare, fashion-challenged bird," you agreed, trying to keep a straight face.

As the evening wore on, the two of you continued your undercover mission, providing commentary on everything from questionable dance moves to over-the-top makeup choices. Gojo was in his element, his quick wit and sharp observations making you laugh harder than you had in weeks.

"Okay, new game," he announced suddenly. "Who do you think has the most scandalous secret here?"

You scanned the room thoughtfully. "Hmm, I'd say Mrs. Hikaru over there," you said, pointing discreetly to an older woman with a suspiciously young man hanging on her arm. "She looks like she's hiding something."

Gojo followed your gaze and nodded sagely. "Good choice. I'm going with Mr. Moustache over there," he said, indicating a man with a magnificent handlebar moustache. "No one grows a moustache like that without hiding some deep, dark secrets."

"Or a penchant for 19th-century fashion," you added, smirking.

Gojo laughed, then turned serious for a moment, looking at you with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. "You know, I'm really glad we're here together. Makes this whole thing bearable."

You felt a warmth spread through you at his words. "Me too," you admitted, smiling up at him. "It's way more fun with you."

He grinned, slipping an arm around your shoulders. "Of course it is. Who else could provide such witty banter?"

You leaned into him, feeling content and happy. "Well, you do have a gift," you teased.

"I know, right?" he said, pretending to be smug. "But don't sell yourself short. You're a pretty amazing partner in crime."

"Partner in crime, huh?" you repeated, liking the sound of it. "I think I can live with that."

"Good," Gojo said, giving you a quick squeeze. "Because I don't plan on letting you go anytime soon."

You looked up at him, your eyes meeting his, and for a moment, the noisy party faded away. It was just the two of you, in your own little world.

Then the moment was broken by a loud crash from across the room, where someone had knocked over a table full of drinks.

Gojo sighed dramatically. "And the award for the most graceful exit goes to..."

"That guy," you finished, both of you dissolving into laughter again.

[miabebe]

Reverse Trope Series - Too Many Beds (Teaser)

You shared 25 years of your life with Seunghceol, what was another 4 nights right?

Pairing - Choi Seungcheol x reader

Word Count - 488 for the teaser ( The full fic is around 11k, give or take? It was supposed to be below 2K, I fucked up)

Genre - Enemies to lovers? Frenemies to lovers? Lovers to lovers? Idk man, these two are idiots and I love making them pine hehe

Warnings - none for the teaser, maybe an reference to Seungcheol's dick

Estimated posting date - 6th July, 5pm KST (I don't have a taglist but I am happy to tag if anyone wants? Just drop comment or send an ask/message :)

Edit - It's out! Read here :)

“Absolutely not.” 

“No way in hell.” 

Seungcheol glared at you as you narrowed your eyes at him. 

“I’m not sharing a room with him.” 

“I don’t wish to even breathe in her vicinity.” 

“Then maybe I should do mankind a service by being around you more.”

“The only way you can help mankind is by shutting your mouth.” Seungcheol leaned closer, his voice dropping. “You’re not pretty enough for all the stupidity that comes out of it.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Rich coming from you. If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.” 

“Aw, fifth graders can insult better than you sweetheart.” 

“That was a fact darling.”

“Ah” The two of you turned to the receptionist, finally remembering her presence as her confused eyes flickered between you and Seungcheol. “So the two of you are dating?” 

Looking at her incredulously and with unadulterated disgust, the two of you immediately took a step back. 

“No!” 

“No!” 

“I’d rather stub my pinky toe on furniture everyday that date her-” 

“And I’d rather choke on my own spit everyday than date him-”

“Oh baby, I knew you were a desperate one. How about I give you something to better to choke on-”

“Honey, are you sure? I heard you can stack fruit loops on that puny thing-” 

“Enough!” The old woman behind the counter got to her feet, putting her hands on her hips, the never-ending squabbling finally getting to her. “If either of you say another word, I will personally put you both in the tiniest broom closet I can find and trust me, the ones in this lodge are devastatingly small.” 

You immediately shut up, dreading that idea more than anything. Seungcheol too became uncharacteristically and thankfully, quiet.

“Now, as far as your room is concerned, your company booked only one room, number-” She glanced at the paper in her hand and pulled out a pair of keys from the drawer. “- 68. If you can bear each other for 4 nights, well and good, get moving. If not, then take your things and get out of here. Good luck finding another lodge in this miserable weather.” 

And as though on cue, a bright light, followed by a loud thunder flooded the room, taking aback all three of its inhabitants. From the corner of your eye you saw Seungcheol visibly gulp, well aware of his fear of thunder.

Seungcheol too heard the way you sniffled, knowing that your rhinitis would only get worse with the humidity rising outside.

Sighing with the realization that there was no way out of this, both of you reached for the keys at the same time, making the old woman snatch it faster than the damn lightning to avoid yet another fight from breaking out.

Ringing for the bellboy, she handed him the keys before he took your suitcase and Seungcheol’s bag in one hand each, leading the way to your despair of the night. 

[i-am-a-bad-influence-writes]

P*rn ☆  Chapter 6, Fear and despair

Masterlist Word count: 2 k Sylus x Fem!Reader

Summary: You have been following a spicy content creator by the name of Red Crow for some time now. Nothing could’ve prepared you for what would happen when he moves into the apartment next door.

Author's note: Ya'll ready to cry?! Me neither... Also, for anyone wondering why I don't English so good sometimes. I am Dutch and nothing is proofread <3

Warning! This story is meant for mature audiences. It contains sex, swear words, porn, smoking, intimate piercings, mentions of drugs, alcohol, mentions of domestic abuse, and other mature themes. Do not engage if you are under 18.

Mature content under the cut. No graphic content. Mention of abuse.

∘₊✧───────────────────────────────────────✧₊∘

'You're not quite here with me.' You look up from the cup of tea you had been absentmindedly stirring since it was put in front of you. He's right. He's always right. Well... Most times. 

Your mind has been a mess. There's the whole Sylus thing, yes, that's something that takes up way too much space in your head. You keep thinking back to last Saturday, sitting on the couch with him watching the rise and fall of sexual tension. Seeing him try so hard to do small talk while pretending he wasn't looking at your lips and body like a man starved. He had kissed your forehead when he left and you leaned into it. Even thinking about it gives you butterflies. 

But there's another thing on your mind. A much more menial thing. Something much easier to discuss with Zayne. 

'How come I never heard you shower when you lived next door?' Zayne tilts his head, looking at you a little confused. 

'That's what you've been stuck on?' You reluctantly nod. It's stupid, so damn stupid, but Zayne still answers. 'When I moved out, Rafayel was talking about a new ventilation system. Maybe it connects to yours?' 

'That makes a lot of sense actually,' you groan, leaning back in your chair defeated. 'I can't believe I've been so busy thinking about that.' 

'You're an interior architect; shouldn't it be logical to you?' He's got a point and a very good one at that. You also could've just asked Rafayel, but no. You'd like to avoid that man as much as possible. He always tries to get you to do work for free, without even offering to lower you rent for a month or something. No way. 

You look around the coffee shop. This is you and Zayne's regular spot. The place is very big and open, but sound doesn't bounce around nor echo. There's tons of natural light and very kind yellow lights when the sun goes down. The furniture is a mix and match of secondhand stuff that's surprisingly pleasing to the eye and most chairs are comfortable. Then again, the chairs that aren't comfortable to you could be very comfortable to someone else. There are tons of plants scattered around, lots of cut vintage decor like old Matchbox cars and very old adverts on metal plates. On the floor are a few rugs that have almost worn into the floor and have major damage where people often walk. Almost looks like the rugs have crop circles. 

It might not be for everyone, even Zayne used to be a little uncomfortable here at first, but it's grown on both of you. The employees are kind and helpful, the music is always good and never too loud. It's a good atmosphere. 

'Anyway, how is the new neighbor?' Your cheek flush almost right away when you meet Zayne's eyes. 'What is it? Are you alright?' He leans over the table to touch your forehead, worried you might be sick. 

'I'm fine, I'm fine. His name is Sylus and he's hot- A LOT, he's a lot.' Zayne chuckles at your antics while you feel your ears burning. Not exactly the information you wanted to share with Zayne. Truly, it doesn't matter all that much in the end. He's like a brother to you and he knows nearly everything about your life. A fact that you wish was still true the other way around as well but he's been too busy to tell you everything. And now that you've dropped the "Sylus is hot" bomb, he's not letting it go until you tell him everything. 

For a professional, cold doctor he's surprisingly desperate for gossip. 

'I'm sure he's a lot,' he says with a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips, 'you were worried he might be loud. Is that the case?' 

'A bit. He's awake deep into the night, so sometimes I hear him moving around in his apartment or playing music late at night. It's nothing too bad though. Though Tara seems a bit cautious around him. Apparently, he's friends with her boyfriend.' A slight frown appears on Zayne's face. If you hadn't known him as long as you have, you wouldn't have noticed. But you do know him. 'What's that look for?' 

'Tara is dating that Kieran boy, right?' You nod and he tries to soften his face. 'Hm, I don't know them very well. It's probably not who I'm thinking of.' 

'Who are you thinking of?' And suddenly he looks real serious. The temperature inside is suddenly a few degrees lower and the bubble we were in feels like a soundproof chamber. 'Zayne, who are you think of?' 

'I wish I could tell you, but patient confidentiality forbids me.'  

“Patient confidentiality? What the hell? Is this even about Sylus?” 

Zayne reaches out for my hand on the table and gently takes it in his. 'Don't worry about it too much. I'm not even sure if it's the same guy.' 

'You're right,' you say, trying to smile as wide as you can while pushing the racing thoughts in your mind down. 

∘₊✧───────────────────────────────────────✧₊∘ 

"She has a boyfriend? Shit." Sylus tries to quicken his pace while he walks past the coffee shop before you see him, but he's too slow. You spot him and smile at him. A big smile, one that almost makes his cheeks hurt from looking at it. 

Wait... He's smiling back? 

No matter, he keeps walking. But then he catches the slightest glimpse of the man sitting with her and his blood runs cold. It's like a distant memory, or more like a distant nightmare. He can only hope and pray and doctor Zayne hasn't seen him. 

It's been years, but Sylus still fears the doctor might remember him. It wouldn't be too bad, the man saved his life, but he doesn't want you knowing. Not yet at least. What if he asked how his recovery is going? What if he asked if his scars healed okay? What if he asked if his situation has changed? How would he answer those questions and not revert back to that scared little boy she made him. 

Because all that still feels so raw, even though it's years ago. He should've been fine by now, at least that's what he thinks. Time heals all wounds, right? Three years should be enough. More than enough. 

That being said, his first doxing was her. She put his address out there as a last-ditch attempt to get him to "commit" to her. To make him obey like a fucking dog. 

He isn't even sure how all of it happened back then, but it did. Maybe it was just young love. Yeah, young love at 24. No, he was just naïve and stupid. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” 

What he does know is that he is nearly running home. He's stuck in his own head, tears prickling in his eyes. How does this keep happening at any mention, thought, or glimpse of her? It's not normal. He should be okay. 

It feels like he's picking up a fever as he unlocks the door to his apartment. He faintly hears the sound of his name but his chest is getting tight and he has to get inside. Why does this affect him so fucking much? 

And suddenly he recognizes what is going on. He's having a panic attack. 

He hasn't had a panic attack in the last two years. He's been fine, he should still be fine. Is it because he saw doctor Zayne again? Because he is with you? Because all he can think of when seeing doctor Zayne's face is how much pain he was in and how scared he was? 

“This is not fucking normal. Breathe Sylus, breathe. You know how to breathe. You've been doing it all your fucking life. Just stop panicking!” 

The voice in his head is no help. He slumps against the back of the couch in the middle of his living room, not able to make it to the bathroom to take a cold shower. Cold showers usually shock him out of it. His breathing stays rapid, his eyes looking for anything in reach that can help him but there are dark spots all over his vision. 

He closes his eyes for just a moment. Just a little bit. A second, no more. He wakes up with a few slaps to his cheek. His head feels cold against the wooden floor of his apartment. When did he fall over? 

'Sylus? Sylus? Look at me.' It's you. Your voice is desperate, scared, as you grab his shoulders and try to pull him upright again. He tries to help you, moving ever so slightly to a sitting position. Your hand raises up to his forehead, brushing the hair sticking to his sweaty skin away. 'Are you alright?' 

'Always with you around,' Sylus says, trying to look and sound like a womanizer, but failing miserably. To you, he just looks a bit loopy. His breathing is still ragged and strange. 

'Cute,' you note with a frown, 'now breathe with me.' You grab his hand and press it against your chest, just underneath your collarbone. 'Ready?' He nods. 'Breathe in.' He feels your chest rise slowly as you breathe in with him, your heard thumping under his hand in a steady, comforting rhythm.  

Slowly, the whole world disappears. His eyes are laser focused on yours, ears zeroed in on the sound of your voice and your breathing. To him, you look like an angel. His guardian angel. 

'Breathe out.' 

Your chest falls, he breathes out. It feels like seconds have passed but by the time you let go of his hand, the sun is setting. He last checked his phone around 16:30 before he saw you at the coffee shop, so that means it's close to six, it being wintertime. 

Finally lucid again, his heartbeat slowed, his breathing steady, he asks: 'Why did you follow me?' 

The coldness of his questions shocks you and you answer: 'I felt like you needed someone to be there for you.' 

He lets out a cold laugh, something that sounds close to disbelief but also much much closer to insecurity. A sound you hadn't expected coming from his mouth. He knows you think he's hot, he knows you are attracted to him, but he does not know you. He does not know about your youth, your struggle with panic attacks, your loneliness. But he doesn't need to know for you to be able to help him. 

If only he'd believe that you only want to help. 

'How do you know doctor Zayne?' There's something possessive in his tone, something you wouldn't have expected right now. 

'He used to live here before you. We're friends.' He stays quiet for a while, staring at you but not quite. More like he's looking through you, disassociating. 'I'm gonna get you a glass of water.' You move to your feet, but he grabs your wrist and holds you where you are. He's suddenly back, eyes watching you with immense focus. 

'Do you pity me?' The words sound like an accusation, like he's admitting he doesn't like what happened and that you "had" to see it. So much grief in those few words, a grief that goes much deeper than you can imagine. 

'Pity you?' 

He lets go of your wrist with an angry expression. He quickly gets up, refusing to look at you any longer. 'Never mind. I think it'd be better if you leave.' 

'What? Sylus-' You try to reach out for him, but when he looks back at you there's venom in his eyes. Your hand hangs in the air, halfway reaching towards his forearm. And then you drop it. 'Okay, if that's what you want.' 

He walks you to the door, his chest full of regret, embarrassment, shame. He was doing so damn well and now you've seen him like that. Like a shell, something defective, a bird with a broken wing. In the doorway you turn back to him so that he can't close the door on you. All he can see in your eyes in compassion, adoration and, strangely enough, love. 

'For what it's worth, I don't pity you. My opinions and feelings about you haven't changed,' you hesitate for a second and look down at the ground, 'and I hope you'll still ask me out. I do really want to get to know you. All of you.' 

∘₊✧───────────────────────────────────────✧₊∘ 

Previous - Next

∘₊✧───────────────────────────────────────✧₊∘ 

Taglist

@carmelves

@d0llfilth

@terriblesoup

@valkyyriia

@fvcknwww

@itsizumiiii

@ludwigsb0nker

@amywright

@frenchmess23yo

@malleus-draconias-rose

@deathkat657

@sweetnanah

@trishiepo0

@iraot

@nyxie-00

@sherlockstolemyname

@poptrim

@dummiebunny

@everythingistaken00

@ikesimpleton

@tyys-stuff

@venussakura

@crimsonlittlecrow

@raiyuxa

@pxxchyjjk168

@satansdaughter123

@nekee-lilac02

∘₊✧───────────────────────────────────────✧₊∘ 

[homesweetgoodneighbor]

STARDEW VALLEY 1.6 SPOILER INCOMING:

.

.

.

.

Okay, so, like, you can get summer squash now.

In Stardew, I'm not even out of Spring yet on this save, and I've already gotten something like 18 summer squash seeds. Not gonna lie, I twitch nervously every time I see that number in my storage chest, but also find it exceedingly hilarious.

In Real Life, if anyone who has ever gardened or been gardening adjacent, you know that summer squash is prolific. Very Prolific.

You don't plant more than a couple of plants of the stuff. Three is pushing your luck; four is lunacy.

If they are happy with your soil and your care, they will produce lots of squash.

And, keep producing.

You quickly figure out that you can't eat it all and you run out of freezer space and you think "I can't afford a chest freezer in this economy" and then you think "I'll give it away!" So, you give some to your neighbors and more to your friends and you think "Yay! I have lots of healthy food, and I shared! Community!" But, then you go outside and you see there's more squash. A lot more. Because the plants love you...or hate you depending on your point of view. So, you have a little cry and give more away to neighbors and more away to friends and maybe even to a food bank if they take it, then you think "Yay! More community! And, godsdamn I'm starting to hate squash." Then, you go outside, and seemingly overnight, even MORE squash has appeared. And, now you're sobbing as you load them up into bags, but you can't give them away anymore because your neighbors and friends now hide behind their couches when they see you coming up the walkway like your one of those door-to-door evangelists. Food banks or shelters are always happy for it, but now you're getting a reputation. You're now the Crazy Squash Person. And, you dare not look out into the garden, but you know it's there...waiting... You know now you are in the Squashpocalypse and look upon what you wrought and despair.

If it's just a weirdness with the update, I don't want Concerned Ape to change the fact you can get so much of it so quickly because a) it's pure freakin' profit since the seeds are free, and b) everyone needs to learn the lesson of being mindful of the ridiculousness of summer squash.

Edit: Now all we need is for him to add mint plants to the game, but they are only acquired through a witch's curse. Once you have it, you can keep it for some amazing recipes but you have to be wary of its ability to spread like wildfire. Every day it is in the ground, the chances increase that you will wake up and find it has overrun your farm and taken the animals hostage.

...

Seriously, don't plant mint in your yard IRL. Keep it in pots.

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

It's a bit long - maybe it a two-parter? But reader is in love with Eddie and tries to show him, sending him love notes in his locker but he thinks (hopes) they are from Chrissy so she decides to just give up, thinking he will never see her like that so she distances herself completely and he doesn't understand why - she even changes direction when they are about to run into each other in the corridor - and when he finally manages to confront her she just tells him "You won't ever love me like I love you so I am just trying to move on" and he's like "well, how do you know that, you've never given me a chance to love you, you just bailed when I didn't realize you were the one sending the notes!"

Request by @somethingvicked 💞

Angst, fluff, pining.

💞

For the last two weeks you had a secret. It was something you hadn't told anyone, not even Robin.

The note in your pocket is carefully sealed in an envelope that you are going to try and sneak in Eddie's locker.

In the last few weeks you have been leaving love notes for your long time crush Eddie Munson. You had poured your heart out in the notes, it was cathartic. A way to express your feelings that were bursting to be let out and it was nice to watch the sweet smile on Eddie's face when he read the notes.

They were all signed anonymously and you disguised your handwriting just enough so that Eddie wouldn't notice it was you. To be honest you were trying to build up the courage to confess to him.

Cautiously you look around and there is a rare occurrence where the hallway is pretty much empty so you quickly rush over to Eddie's locker and slip the note in.

Heart hammering you hurry away from the locker and feel nerves swirl in your stomach. This note was different, a lot more detailed and lovey dovey than the others, you couldn't help it. You were head over heels for Eddie and even though the notes were anonymous, it felt cathartic to say how you felt.

When Eddie finds the latest note at lunch time, the whole of Hellfire is gently teasing him. His cheeks are pink but his eyes are full of excitement, and an anxiousness to know who they are from.

"Who's going to send this doofus love notes though really?" Gareth jokes and ducks to miss the pretzel thrown at his head while laughing his head off.

Then Eddie perks up, smiles dreamily and sighs. "Hey maybe they are from Chrissy?" He looks so hopeful and the words immediately crush any thoughts that you had in which he might feel the same.

Chrissy. He wanted it to be Chrissy, of course he did. She was the sweetest and prettiest girl in Hawkins High, there was no way that Eddie was immune to her charms.

It hurt you though. All this time he talked about not conforming and yet he falls for the beauty queen. Not that you could be too mad at him, it's not like anyone could help who they fell for. You wish you could have that power, to erase these feelings you have for Eddie.

The thoughts still make you feel faintly nauseated and you get up suddenly, "Sorry guys, uh headache'' it's all you can do not to run out of the cafeteria while blinking away tears.

Thank god no one saw you crying. Then you'd really have no way to explain yourself.

That night you're laying in bed and listening to the most angsty music you can find, your thoughts racing about what happened today and stomach churning at what it meant.

You knew deep down that Eddie might not feel the same and at least that was confirmed. It was time to stop indulging in dumb fantasies, it felt like the small bit of hope you had clung onto had faded and now you had given up. Eddie was never going to see you as anything more than a friend.

Maybe it was the push you needed to move on? Or at least distance yourself a tiny bit until these feelings faded.

But how long would that take? The thought of not seeing Eddie every day is awful, you don't know what to do and the worry and despair keeps you up all night.

By the morning you feel numb but full of acceptance at what you need to do.

💌

Distancing yourself from Eddie was hard. He was so ingrained in your usual routines, you were so used to seeing him practically every day that there was this ache in your chest that he wasn't around.

It didn't help that Eddie looked at you like a lost puppy and it shook your resolve every time. You missed the guys at Hellfire too, instead of your usual spot at the table you talked to Robin or Nancy, aware of eyes on you when you didn't sit down beside Eddie.

It was a catch-22, you desperately wanted these feelings to go away so things were back to normal but you missed Eddie like crazy, it felt like a piece of you was missing.

When you saw him in the corridor today, you froze and went in the other direction but you didn't miss the look on his face when you did. It was so hurt and it crushed your heart even more.

You couldn't leave things like this, you would have to say something. Eddie must be so confused and you didn't want to hurt him. But how could you explain how you felt about him, that you're the one who sent the notes?

What if finding out how you felt ruined your friendship? What if what you were doing was ending it, honestly your mind was racing a mile a minute.

Shit you haven't sent any notes in over a week, you didn't want Eddie to get his hopes up wishing it was Chrissy only to be disappointed that it was you.

Obviously you and Eddie really need to talk. Eddie must be thinking the same thing because he shows up at your house around an hour later with a determined look in his eyes.

He's angry and you can't blame him. If the situation was reversed you would feel the same. His furious gaze softens as he takes in your tears.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" His tone is gentler than you'd expect and that makes you feel worse. God you've missed him, you've really missed him.

"I'm sorry" you murmured and made your decision to tell Eddie about the notes, hoping that he wouldn't hate you. "Eddie, I-" he speaks before you can get the words out.

"I know it's you sending the notes" oh...oh shit. You're nervous so that makes you babble and grow even more flustered because you don't know how Eddie would react.

"How?" is the last question you ask and he smiles, all dimples. The smile that you love.

"When you started avoiding me after I said I hoped the notes were from Chrissy, the look on your face...I'm not stupid sweetheart, it became pretty obvious" so much for thinking that you had covered up your feelings, you should have realised eddie would figure it out.

He could be annoyingly perceptive. "I know you don't feel the same Eddie, you're panicking now so you're basically word vomiting, "I've been trying to get over these feelings so that's why I've been distant, I'm sorry"

He frowns, "Sweetheart, I don't want you to avoid me" you bite your lip, emotions rushing to the surface. Frustrated you wipe the tears that are building in your eyes.

"I don't know what else to do Eddie! You won't ever love me like I love you so I am just trying to move on, I'm trying to do that so I don't mess up our friendship" you choke on the words and try to stop the tears that are blurring your eyes. he stares at you looking absolutely stunned.

"You love me?" his voice is so small and you swear there's a hopeful edge to it but you must just be imagining it.

"Yeah, I'm the one who's been sending the notes, but you wanted it to be Chrissy and like I said you don't love me like I love you so I need to move on" Eddie groan exasperated and runs his hand through his hair in frustration. It tugs on his unruly curls and he groans, once his hand is free, he's gesturing widely.

"Well how do you know that? You've never given me the chance to love you, you just bailed when I didn't realise you were the one sending the notes" he snaps and you're seriously frustrated.

"Because you wanted it to be Chrissy! And give you a chance to love me? You either love me or you don't Eddie. I can't just sit around on the off chance that you might feel the same way when you obviously don't"

Tears roll down your cheeks and you wipe them away shakily, you're emotionally spent and you just want to have some time for yourself.

Eddie softens and his hands are on your shoulder, soothing and tender. "You're not listening, I want a chance to love you because I am in love with you"

Oh... "You do, you reply hopeful and he nods, keeping his gaze on you. What about Chrissy?" he shakes his head and his hand moves up to caress your cheek, his gaze is soft and full of adoration.

"Just a dumb crush. I'm over her now. What I feel for you...you're all I think about sweetheart, shit I think almost losing you helped give me a uh, knock on the head" you giggle and he ducks his head looking almost shy.

"Can I kiss you?" you nod eagerly and it doesn't take long for his lips to meet yours. Eddie pulls away after a few seconds and looks completely blissed out. It's exactly how you feel. Wow.

"Shit, I am an idiot, could have been doing that for a while now if I wasn't so oblivious" you stifle a smile and he's grinning too, smiling as he kisses you again.

And again. Showing you how much he loves you.

💞💌