#I just basically wanna...talk and play game...my autism is calling

[futurequibblerjournalist]

Wilhelm bullying Karkaroff?? You're torturing everyone lol

Um um um if you wouldn't mind,,, since I know ur tired of the wilkes yapping and glazing LMAO would you mind telling me about seabunny and starry Night? I've never heard of either of them :3 tbh I would totally listen to like anything u wanna yap abt tbh your posts are just so !!!! Ykkk?? like I dont think Ive seen anyone give Karkaroff that much attention before lol or Aurora honestlyyy

Sorry for the long anon LOL Ive been lurking for like a month and haven't anoned before aghhhh sorry for the spamm

-🍃

Please don’t apologise for the length, I’ve been loving all the asks I’ve been getting recently, any excuse to yap is one I greatly appreciate!! Feel free to spam me as much as you’d like lovely 🍃 anon (I will say my brain keep thinking these are weed leaves so I’m sorry but you’ve become weed leaves anon in my brain now lmao). Super flattered to hear you’ve been enjoying my posts btw jcnfjcbfjc

Yes!!! Wilhelm bullying Karkarov!!! With the help of especially Dolohov lmao. I don’t think Karkarov was particularly popular when he went to school in general but that’s a different topic for another time cjfncjfn

I would love to tell you about seabunny and starrynight!! I am obsessed with both. I’ve been lowkey obsessed with Igor and Charity for a while but Aurora and Severus is a new one for me. A friend of mine came up with the shipnames so major shout out for that lol

Seabunny is 100% something that happens because of Charity. She’s an it girl, she’s an icon, she’s pink, she’s got her daddy’s credit card, she’s got a heart ready to love anyone and she loves men that look like a rat after it’s walked through the underground sewage system (or in Igor’s case a goat lol). You’d think she does it to piss off her parents but that’s not even close. Her mum’s a little sus at first but she’s sus about everything so that’s not really anything to pay attention to. She sees Igor being his awkward self and she’s like “yes that’s the one I want”. Aurora and Wilhelm have to listen to her talk about him on and on as she praises him for doing the bare minimum like “and then he like, responded to me!! He even like, totally looked at me when I was talking this time”.

They’re so silly. For Igor he’s already decided she’s out of his league but the more persistent she is the more he actually starts to think he’s got a chance. And let’s be fr, Igor’s not the best person. He’s a bit more violent than what’s normal (he plays quidditch and oh dear you can catch Evan Rosier scraping the ground for stray teeth and bone bits by the time a game featuring Igor is over) and he’s a huge coward. Their first time alone Charity asked him over to her dorm to look at her cat and he was so confused when she pulled out an actual cat because there’s a slight language barrier at first (the cat also strangely really likes him and of course Charity sees that as a good sign (also the cat’s name is Pudding))

As for them after Hogwarts I’m so interested in seeing how being with Charity (Muggle Studies teacher and while a pureblood herself genuine lover of all things muggle) mixes with Igor (known death eater and technically convicted criminal until he was pardoned). How does knowing Charity affect how Igor basically abandons his death eater ways after the first war? And his reaction to his dark mark calling on him again and his decision to flee and go into hiding and in the end die for that freedom. How much of that is because he was influenced by Charity?? They die a year within each other and I just,, urgh there’s so many things about these two cjfncjnf have a mini moodboard lmao

Now starrynight!! That’s an entirely different vibe. It’s autism², it’s a lot of learning together, it’s a lot of enjoying each other as they genuinely are. Even if they’re not dating I love love love Aurora and Severus as friends. They just work really well together in a way where they actually get to chill for a bit, at least usually.

Bruce (Mulciber Jr) introduces them, not that they didn’t know each other beforehand, they’ve known each other for years, but the idea of them dating each other came about because Aurora really wanted to just “be normal”. Choosing Severus as her boyfriend might not be the best way to do that but she definitely feels more normal when she’s just hanging around with him cause she’s not constantly performing her normal-sona lol.

Aurora is, to me, incredibly reserved yet curious at the same time. She doesn’t want anyone too close yet she wants to experience everything everyone else does. She spends most of her time (if not hijacked by Charity or thinking she’s best friends with Wilhelm) in the Astronomy tower with the large golden telescope that Hogwarts provides and because homegirl loves this telescope so much she brought Severus to see it no doubt and being the mindful and demure girl she is she even checked if he was dying when he was dry heaving and trying to catch his breath while leaning on the walls as he climbed the stairs. Their dates consist of them sharing their interests with each other, whether it be knowledge about stars, telescopes, potions, chemistry etc. their compliments to each other consists of “I really appreciate that you know how to be quiet” and “I admire your knowledge on insert topic no ones ever heard of ever”. They sit together and read and call it a date where at most they share a few glances. They’re such an awkward looking couple, Aurora towers over Severus, but you’ve never seen communication skills like the ones these two have.

Charity is over the moon when Aurora announces that she’s got a boyfriend because they can finally talk about boys and everything that comes along with it. Aurora is over the moon, not necessarily because of the boyfriend thing (though she’s also fairly happy with that) but because she feels normal and god is she excited to feel normal cjnfjfnf

There’s a bit of Aurora and Charity friendship for you too and here’s another moodboard lol

I was gonna yap about Edmund Avery Jr but this post has already gotten like sooo long so I'll save that for another timenvjfnbjgbg

[rhythmmortis]

imstill thinking. i want to know so much. Which is ur favorite trio. Ur favorite kh game. Favorite kh world. Whats ur favorite kh headcanon. Thoughts on axel

fave trio: this one is hard but im gonna have to go with wayfinder trio because aqua and terra my beloveds....... the autism duo........ (and also ventus is there and he's cool but i am more focused on aqua and terra because i have so many fucking thoughts about them. where did they come from. how long have they been training and how much do they know about keyblades and history since they were presumably studying. what specifically made them be chosen. i am so excited for their future in the series because AOUGHHH). since i think the series might be headed towards a shift in the 'light good darkness bad' mindset where light might serve as a slightly antagonistic role (what with the whole keykids fighting over light and whatever the fuck is up with MoM, also i think it would just be cool), i think aqua and terra and ven are kinda the perfect trio to explore that with. there's also them ACTUALLY dealing with the aftermath of bbs (since we never really got that!! and i wanna see how their dynamic actually is, how do they deal with the fallout of those events like terra killing eraqus, aqua not trusting ven, ven still technically being pure of heart?) and how aqua is gonna handle basically being the successor the eraqus (especially since aqua BECOMING a master and not terra was part of why shit fell apart. theres drama to be had (even though in bbs xehanort does call terra 'master terra', its just to trick him into trusting him more yes BUT xehanort is still a master. to our knowledge all it takes to name a master is another master seeing them pass some sort of arbitrary test and saying they are. yes xehanort is evil but he is still a master. making terra technically one too. and i wonder how he would feel about that title still, as its everything he wanted but thats how he got it)). i have so many thoughts on them all but it's very chaotic and disorganised so i will move on fkhfdkjh

fave kh game: bbs i love you so so so so much my beloved wonderful game!!! ive talked about this a bit before but bbs is very accessible for me to play since you can choose your own moves and commands so you have a good degree of customisation with how you play, you can choose if your finishers have QTEs (since my hands are kinda shit, i cant really do QTEs or input heavy things, so being able to choose if i want to or not is amazing), command board is actually quite fun and a fun way to level up commands without having to go into combat so you can take a break but still enjoy it, i enjoy the movement options and how varied they are between characters, and its easy to move between commands on the command deck (im looking at you ddd. why do i have to use the goddamn D-PAD). aside from actual gameplay, while the story is a bit clunky at times and theres DEFINITELY room for improvement, i still find it quite endearing and theres some REALLY fucking good moments in there i still think about so often. the fact that terra's final fight is a fight we as the player know he cant win but he fights regardless. and then sprouts a stupid little cape like its from a tissue dispenser for the sake of continuity. terra's voice genuinely cracking slightly when he's crying after he kills eraqus. aqua calling vanitas a freak. the extra chapters in the bbs novel that add so much depth to vanitas and ventus (which isnt in the game but its still so good regardless). the entirety of the secret chapter in aquas route. the vanitas remnant fight (you find what's left of this sad kid, beat him up, and steal his keyblade). good fucking game

fave kh world: for some goddamn reason this is also bbs worlds. what the fuck is wrong with me. it's either land of departure (which we literally know basically NOTHING about and i am so curious about it) or the realm of darkness SPECIFICALLY in the secret chapter.

(^one of many insane ramblings i sent to my friend after playing bbs again and again) when you first start the secret chapter, you're put in a place right after that scene on the bridge thing in the realm of darkness where aqua gets surrounded by the darksides. if you turn around, you can still see it slightly but you physically cannot go back. you can never go back. and being able to see it gives me this really weird feeling like im being watched or followed, and who's to say that she isn't!! the darkness is always lurking!! after that message i also mentioned that while enemies can drop potions and stuff, its never a guarantee and you are constantly fighting for even the smallest chance of surviving, if that can even be called surviving. your most valuable item that you have (if you have any left) are the ice creams that can trigger command style changes. disney world, the place you get them, is one of the brightest, happiest worlds, and once youre in the realm of darkness, you cannot get any more. you're essentially trading fleeting memories of a happier time as a desperate attempt to stay afloat (you can tell im a kh fan because im essentially thinking about A SECOND TRAGIC ICE CREAM). its a futile and tragic experience which, while 0.2 also has the realm of darkness, the secret episode has such a specific feeling to it i cannot stop thinking about

fave kh headcanon: this one is actually pretty hard because there's so many and i have been losing my mind over other things recently BUT. theres so many headcanons about physical appearance that i love (brown eyes for ALL please put those blue things away, freckles for sora, namine, terra, and a few others, XEMNAS WITH CURLY/WAVY HAIR which is from one panel in the days manga where he's just slightly distorted by water but like. its a good fucking idea, giving characters their normal skin tone back. im looking at you ssbu sora v kh1 sora. they took my boy's melanin (which isnt really a headcanon and more of a genuine anger at the whitewashing), scar headcanons for kairi and sora from where they died, etc). current favourite headcanon is either: aqua using more strategic fighting styles (with teleporation being a BIG part of her bbs moveset, like her unique teleport dodge, her ultimate finisher being teleport spike, and a unique command style being ghost drive) and that either playing into either her feeling detached from everything like a ghost (ghost drive) after being stuck in the realm of darkness for a decade or since these moves leave after images, maybe her developing a fear of isolation (or HERSELF especially given mirror aqua in 0.2), kairi also training with terra because i want her to fight like a fucking TANK instead of being more magic focused. i want her to kill (and if we get a rikai teamup, i think mage riku and tank kairi is such a fun idea), OR the current headcanon/connection of xion to the cavern of rememberance (i talked about it in the tags in this post), but i know theres so many ive had over the years that i genuinely cannot think of right now fkhfdkjh

thoughts on axel: the organisation's assassain. they chose HIM to be the babysitter. and then those kids said 'i could make him feel emotions after a decade of feeling detached from everything' and they did!! they gave him a heart!! but i LOVE thinking about axel during com and i think its the closest we'll probably see of his actual job as an assassain. he AIR FRIED A MAN (and i think in the manga he used his chakrams to physically attack instead). he 'betrayed' larxene and marluxia so easily. he wasn't afraid to go through namine to fight marluxia (that scene where marluxia uses her as a human shield, you can actually visibly see namine shaking in fear and rewatching some com scenes to get gif footage REALLY made me remember that its literally just Kingdom Hearts: Namine's No Good Very Bad Day) but he had NO hesitation. he ordered repliku to STRANGLE zexion. needless to say, this is all treated very casually for him that it makes me think what he mustve done during his time in the organisation to get the status as an assassain. he treats murder as an 'icky job', but on the flipside, when we see him actually care about something, it's just that same drive and motivation but used for his own personal goals (tracking down xion, following roxas in the kh2 prologue which is terrifying without context), but MAN. seeing him from a detached perspective without context is like 'holy shit this guy is scary' and then you play days or read the manga and anything else with him and you realise he's so sillies. wonderful guy 10/10

[frostbite-the-bat]

If you could spend a say with any one of your ocs, who would you meet and what would happen ?

Ohh!! hard choice bc I'd get along with quite a few of my ocs so I am gonna give a multi answer

Berry, because they deserve more friends and they're very calm, quiet and respectful and have similar needs to me that we'd both mutually respect. I'm definitely louder but they are besties with Blank and Maddison so they KNOW loud people and deal with them fine, it's all about the respect and boundaries. we'd probably talk about stories!! I don't read as much as they do but everyone can appreciate a story!! Berry is someone to also just parallel pplay with, and I know they'd listen to me even if they themselves wouldn't talk

Next is Maddison, he's heavily based on my energy and if you out us together it'd be a NIGHTMARE. he's a gamer and it's basically his special interest so we'd defo play games together!! It'd be a loud time but it'd be like playing a game with myself. Like you know how I get in calls right? Yea imagine that TWICE. We'd talk for hours about games and random shit and complain about game industries together

I'd LOVE to see blank but if he knew it was me who put him through everything he'd PROBABLY WANT ME DEAD

I'd like to hang out with Lemmy, too!!! They're fun and whimsy and we'd go around their portals and have adventures in whatever worlds it spits us out in :D they are very curious and they'd respect me wanting to check out every little corner and give me time to do it!! And if I need a break we'd warp to hourglass meadow because they canonically chill there sometimes, even if it's a place from ena :]

I WANNA HANG OUT WITH SONBOY BECAUSE.. SONBOY. GOOPY BOY. MY FREAK OF A SON. he can be thrown at the wall, be fine with it, and ask me to DO IT AGAIN

I also wanna hang out with stagehand, I think we'd get along! We are both more shy people and we'd hang out in the back and be little nerds together!! She's a less developed character as of right now but I know she'd be fun to be around with

And I'd LOVEEE to hang out with Archie because they're just a bundle of joy and positivity, it'd just feel good to hang out with them!! We'd either both enjoy some parallel play or infodumps our ears off!! We share interests so I'd love to hear them talk about deep sea life especially!! and if we both need a bit of Autism Quiet, again, parallel play!!! I think they'd enjoy watching me draw :D

[mass-sponge-migration]

Hello! I'm Sunny, or Kat, and this is my Ghostbusters "safe"blog! I interact from my main @sunnysmiley

👻 About me! 👻

I'm a 20 year old selfshipper with autism, anxiety, and I suffer from RSD pretty badly. With that being said please be patient and kind with me!

I'm a demigirl and my pronouns are whatever ya wanna call me! I'm very neutral with pronouns. If you're unsure, just refer to me as they/them!

I'm fictoromantic.

I make art, I write, listen to music, game, watch movies, occasionally play an instrument, love old music and cars.

I'm nicer than I let on sometimes! I just don't know how to socialize very well! Please feel free to comment or interact! I'm just very socially inept at times. Indicators help sometimes.

👻 About the blog! 👻

So, as stated, I'm a selfshipper and I use it to cope and have fun! This blog is mainly dedicated to the Ghostbusters franchise, and my other self ship blog can be found at @elements-in-harmony .

Here's my list of f/os and the relationships I have with them!

Ray Stantz: my primary romantic f/o. He's the only one I have a romantic relationship with. I'll put more about us below. [Tag: #👻🤍rayray🤍👻]

Egon Spengler: He's my bestie. I view him as sorta like my mentor. [Tag: #👻egie👻]

Peter Venkman: Another bestie of mine. He's like a brother to me. [Tag: #👻venky👻]

Winston Zeddemore: My BFF. He keeps all of us grounded. [Tag: #👻zeddy👻]

Janine Melnitz and Louis Tully: Could you even guess? More besties of mine. [Tag: #👻bespectacled trio👻] We're like a group of bffs and we're all lovely glasses-wearing peeps.

Dana Barrett: ....... Bestie again...... [Tag: #👻dana👻]

👻 My Blorbo 👻

The main purpose of this blog WILL BE ME LOVING TF OUTTA RAY!!! SO WARNING: TONS OF GUSHING AHEAD!

Ray and I enjoy discussing and exploring the paranormal, watching movies, reading, talking about cars and fixing up Ecto-1 together (the four-wheeled bean), gaming, listening to music together, drinking together, and exploring abandoned places and always looking for fun things to get up to. We both know just how to communicate with each other. Also: CUDDLES.

🛑👻 DNI 👻🛑

Please, please, PLEASE respect this list and if you see something that applies to you here, DO NOT INTERACT and DO NOT FOLLOW! BLOCK ME AND MOVE ON!

DNI if you're homophobic, transphobic, a TERF, misogynist, anti LGBTQIA+.

DNI if you're racist and/or antisemitic.

DNI if you're pr0ship, c0mship, or self ship with real people.

DNI if you're an ableist in any way.

DNI if you're a minor! I'm likely to post or talk about things that may be suggestive! IF YOU'RE A MINOR OR DON’T HAVE YOUR AGE DISCLOSED ON YOUR BLOG AND YOU FOLLOW, YOU WILL BE BLOCKED. Nothing against you personally of course.

Basically, if you're someone I just find disagreeable, I will block you.

👻 Welcome to my blog! 👻

[rooolt]

welcome to me spreading my glitter hearts agenda by building out all the teens because the nature of autism is that I just smash two things I like together until I've made something

i've talked about it before but basic rundown of how glitter hearts works is that you choose an everyday identity, a magical archetype, and a mystical connection and then a move from each so that's what this will be, and yes, it will be long I'm sorry

Scary:

Everyday Archetype - easiest one to pick, she's The Goth. Stats determined by the goth is that she's good at magic and bad emotions. I think a good move for her would be "I live in darkness, too" which gives you a bonus to relating to people if you relate it back to yourself, she talks about herself a lot and likes to make things about her so I think it fits

Magical Archetype - The Witch is a ranged spell caster but not like a support class. I like "Magic Beam" for her, which is exactly what it sounds like but I think hers would be just like a huge massive purple fireball.

Mystical Connection - This was the hardest to me, but I think it would be dark. There's this one move for dark called "Darkness Within" and basically it gives you a bonus on a thing called "we can do this together" actions but if your relationship with those people breaks, you gain the isolated condition, which like, nobody talk to me

Normal:

Everyday Archetype - This one was hard for me, because I knew I wanted it to be an emotional one but it was hard to decide. I ended up going with The Team Player because of like school spirit and such. There's a move called "Better Together" which helps you on "we can do this together" rolls, but it means you can't have competitive relationships with anyone (in Glitter Hearts you and other players can be cooperative, competitive, or have a broken relationship) and your relationships break easier

Magical Archetype - The Idol is the support/healer class of this game and I think it works that instead of like a performer, he's a mascot ya know. "Gentle winds of healing" is the healing move and he's a healer okay

Mystical Connection - This one makes me crazy, and it's Love. There's a bunch of good moves for this, but "Unconditional Love" allows you to try and cure conditions like self-doubting or isolated or stuff like that

Taylor:

Everyday Archetype - Does everyone wanna hear the funniest sentence I've ever read in the rules of a ttrpg? "You are immune to the self-doubt condition". It's so Taylor it killed me. So yeah he's The Overconfident with "I know who I am".

Magical Archetype - I think he'd be The Warrior just for the cool sword. The warrior lets you build a weapon that's also like an object on your person (SWORD! CANE!). I think his would be Hand (Swords), Sharp (damage used for swords), and Returning (exactly what it sounds like) for the cool anime drama of it all

Mystical Connection - Cop out, but Fire. HE'S A DEMON WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME. N E ways he gets the move "Burn" to add fire to his sword and that's the end of that.

Lincoln:

Everyday Archetype - The Athlete, duh. None of the moves are especially great for him but I can't not. "The Quarterback" is fine and just gives a bonus to acting first

Magical Archetype - Protective paladin, he's The Defender, easy. "Otherworldly Defender" lets you have some sort of success on any "Protect someone" action, even if the roll fails

Mystical Connection - Are you ready for the one that makes me crazy? Are you ready for the one that makes me nuts? Trust. I'm ruined. Moves aren't as insane, but it's the idea of it. "Firm Foundation" just makes you better at protecting people, sorry I'm an absolute gamer who needs to make things good.

That's basically it. The way Glitter Hearts works is if you fail a bunch you get better and you can get more moves and stuff. It seems like a great game, I'd love to play it some day

[aerosquidd]

Hi!!

I'm Doggy, you can also call me Parker, Willard, or Toki

Pronouns are they/he/it/bark/guts and I'm autistic with adhd

I've been playing Splatoon ever since the first game in 2016. The series holds a special place in my heart and my autism loves to keep a good grasp on it whenever I hyperfixate on it lol

This blog will mainly be for splatoon art and rambles, but some clips from me and/or my friends playing will also be posted here. A lot of the art will consist of my splatsona, Aero, along with my friends splatsonas, and including my ocs

More below

LINKS:

Aero McIntosh reference sheet

TAGS:

Art tag is #aerosquiddart

Reference sheets for art is #reference sheets

Clip and screenshots tag is #aerosquiddclips

Rambles tag is #aerosquidrambles

BYF:

- I will always tag posts that have # flashing, # gore, # eye strain, # volume warning, and any of my own and friends' triggers

- If we ever do talk and I suddenly stop speaking it's not your fault, I just have some quite severe social anxiety

- Please try not to spam-like my stuff. If you wanna spam-reblog go right ahead, that helps get my stuff out there. Spam-liking just clogs up my feed and does nothing helpful

- Cl*sh blasters need no skill

DNI:

- Proshitters/anti-anti or whatever the fuck you nasty fuckers call yourselves these days. This also goes for neutrals

- Ageless blogs

- NSFW blogs

- basic dni criteria (homophobic, transphobic, ableist, zoophiles, pedophiles, incest supporters, etc.)

- Anyone who ages up minors for nsfw situations and to be shipped with adults

- TERFs/radfems

- People who exclude neopronouns, xenogenders, aro/ace, and/or more

- fetishize age regression

- DDLG and relating to such

- Fujoshis

- YBC fans/supporters

- My ex and anyone who has connections to him

- Dr. Rockso apologists

- Neutral about any of the above

[zephyr-together]

kinda feeling like streaming Bum-bo tomorrow...could/would anyone come? :0 

[thechangeling]

Regarding the fight over whether masking is a privilege or not, I wanted to add my thoughts.

First of all, I honestly think one of the biggest issues we as a community run into is our inability to imagine and understand perspectives other then our own. This is a problem with a lack of theory of mind and obviously it's severity is different in every person, but when I see this discorse that's what comes to mind. Because of our autism we are kind of notoriously bad at understanding other peoples points of view. I know I personally struggle with this a lot.

But I am attempting nuance.

See on the one hand yeah I as a relatively low support needs autistic don't know what it's like to have to rely on a care taker 24/7 or experience ableism and abuse from that. I have had employment opportunities, I'm currently doing freelance work, I can live sort of independently as in I can go out and do things on my own but I need people to remind me to eat and shower.

And I can mask exceptionally well. So well that nobody ever suspects I'm autistic, even doctors will try to argue with me about the diagnosis I've received. Therapists will tell me I'm just sensative and I feel everything too much.

I am ridiculously good at playing their game. I can make their jokes and use their cute expressions and metaphors and similes, I can dress like them, walk like them, talk like them, flirt like them, but I will never be them.

And to say it takes a toll is putting it fucking mildly.

I have no stable sense of self. I've spent so long creating different versions of my self to please different people, different parts to play to appease the crowd that now I have no idea who I really am. When I look in the mirror I see a face, but have no connection to that face. Is that me? I have so much trouble figuring out my gender and sexuality or even choosing a name that feels right because when I try and look inside myself (metaphorically) all I can find is a gaping black hole of swirling fuckery. It's impossible to make sense of it.

People say "just do what feels right" but I have no concept of that anymore. I've spent so long ignoring my bodies signals and my internal... well everything basically that I don't know if I have sensory issues or if I can tolerate certain foods or if I actually like certain people because I just can't tell. It all feels numb.

My entire life has been about pressing and molding myself into different shapes to please other people. And as a result I've been through so much abuse. I just let it happen because I thought it was what I deserved. I told myself that I was lucky to be getting any kind of love, even love that came with mockery, insults and violence. I've had many friendships but almost all of them ended badly due to my extreme depression and anxiety or my relentless paranoia over being left behind. And then my fears would become a reality and my paranoia became even worse.

See the thing is, at the end of the day nobody wants to love a scared insecure self loathing shell. So even though if I wasn't masking they would still find things to criticize, just different things, they leave.

I've tried to kill myself four times, self harmed all thought my teens and I've struggled with substance abuse. My kidneys actually kind of don't work as well as they're supposed to now probably because of my abuse of painkillers and vodka. My most commonly used phrase in the world is "I'm fine." I say it automatically without even thinking now. It's like I've completely lost my ability to tell when I'm in any kind of pain or discomfort.

I'm not writing all of this to try and get sympathy or pity. Absolutely not. My point is that masking is inherently traumatic and violent. I have quite literally destroyed my psyche and I don't know if I can fix it. That's why I flinch when I hear someone calling masking a privilege, because believe me you don't want this. You don't wanna feel like this. Like you've lost everything and now you're just a hole.

But, if I put my feelings aside I can recognize that the fact that I was able to mask in the first place did afford me certain privileges that other autistics don't get. Beyond the job stuff and the "adulting" stuff, I know that when the allistic people I know say they love and support autistics they are talking about autistic people like me. People who seem "normal." People who they could see themselves dating or having a laugh with. And that's a privilege.

But how I got there was not fucking pretty. And I don't think people who havent been through the trauma of masking should get to talk about how harmful it is. There needs to be a place where we as masking autistics can talk about our pain while still acknowledging the privilege we hold in this society for being able to mask.

Because yeah, masking did protect me somewhat, but it didn't protect me fully.

[mothman-clarice-2]

A Rant/Essay about Moira and Sigma and how they’ve changed my life

Hi so I am in a very very very good mood right now and I really want to rant about some things I love. 

As my followers may know very well by now, I LOVE Overwatch. Specifically I LOOOVE Moira and Sigma. I less so have a special interest in Overwatch and more so in those specific characters. 

Quick thing for those who don’t know, a special interest is a term used by people under the Autism spectrum to describe a subject or thing they have a very strong personal connection to. 

I have recently discovered I have Aspergers syndrome, a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects the person’s ability to socialize and causes them to have repetitive and restrictive behaviors and/or interests. Basically it’s very similar to Autism but there are some slight differences that differentiate the two that I won’t go into here because it’ll take too long, but you can research them yourself if you want to of course. 

This has been a HUGE discovery for me because I have known I was very different from other people for a long time but I had no idea why. This discovery explains EVERYTHING. I finally understand why I have such a hard time communicating with people and why I have such unusual tendencies (such as becoming hyper-fixated on things I like). This relates to my love of Moira and Sigma. 

In Overwatch, Moira O’Deorain is a brilliant Irish geneticist on the cutting edge of her field. She has made numerous revolutionary advancements in genetic technology and manipulation. She has devoted her life to her work and advancing the Human race as a species. However, she has a very dark side to her achievements. She has achieved her discoveries by disregarding all ethics and morality in her experiments. She has experimented on everything from animals to herself to even other humans. She has performed experiments on herself that have left her permanently disfigured (her right arm). She has performed experiments on people that have permanently changed their bodies in agonizing ways (Reaper). She believes that ethics are holding back scientific advancement and that they are a waste of time. Pretty horrible right? I wouldn’t blame you for calling that evil. However, you can’t say she is absolutely evil. 

Yes what she has done is horrible and she is completely morally bankrupt, but she also does what she does because she wants to help people. She does what she does because it’s for the betterment of the world. And it has made the world better! In the lore, she has made numerous revolutionary advancements in genetic technology! She is an absolute genius who is helping better the world in massive ways! But at the same time, she is hurting other people to get there. That is the epitome of complete moral ambiguity. 

And I LOVE that. 

You can’t say she’s completely good because she hurts people and disregards ethics as a waste of time. But you also can’t say she evil because she has made revolutionary scientific discoveries that could save the lives of millions. 

I love Moira not just because she is a complex character but I also relate to her on numerous levels. 

For one, she is Irish and I have a lot of Irish heritage. I adore my Irish culture and I love how she seems to be passionate about it as well given that she is fluent in Gaelic (our ancient language which is actually dying out) and she has a lot of Irish oriented stuff in the game. She has actually really caused me to get invested in my Irish heritage and learn about my culture. Another thing I relate to is that she has a great appreciation for art and is just generally pretty eccentric. She loves dressing up and cosplaying and art and music and all of these different things that I also love. 

One of the biggest reasons I relate to her though is her lack of ability to understand people’s emotions. I am a very empathetic person but at the same time I have a very hard time connecting to people. I have always had trouble interacting with people and making friends because I don’t understand how people normally communicate. From what I have seen, Moira is like that too. She doesn’t seem to really have any friends (she was sorta friends with Gabriel but that was more of a business friendship) and everyone seems to either hate her or thinks she’s creepy or weird. I headcanon that Moira is high functioning autistic because of her lack of empathy and difficulty understanding people’s emotions. 

Obviously I am not saying autistic people are unempathetic sociopathic mad scientists, far from it actually. People with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) can either be very empathetic or they can lack empathy to varying degrees on both sides. Sometimes they are just as empathetic as everybody else. Everyone under the autism spectrum is completely different. I just think Moira is one of the people who lacks empathy to a very high degree. I think Moira having autism that causes her to lack empathy is a very good explanation for her beliefs and how she behaves, not to mention it’s something I relate to. 

As for Sigma, he’s a different character entirely. 

Siebren de Kuiper (pronounced “Ki-per” with “Ki” as in “kite”) is a brilliant Dutch astrophysicist. He is known for being a very eccentric introvert with a brilliant mind and a deep, fiery passion for his work. He performed an experiment that would’ve revolutionized technology by being able to harness the power of a black hole but it went terribly wrong. The accident left him completely traumatized and his psyche destroyed. This accident also gave him the ability to control gravity but I’m not really gonna talk about that in this because it’s not really necessary. 

Sigma has a lot of anxious tendencies, for example he has numerous voice lines where he becomes anxious or panicked. He says the phrase “hold it together” many times, a phrase he uses to try and comfort himself when he feels panicked. All of these have caused me to headcanon that he has PTSD and/or some other kind of anxiety disorder (although I haven’t decided which one yet). 

I personally have struggled with generalized anxiety and social anxiety for a long time so I find myself relating to his anxiety. Something about seeing this  62 year old absolute GIANT of a man (he’s 8′1″) having anxiety and relating to me in so many ways is really comforting. 

Whenever I am sad or anxious about something, I think of Sigma and I channel my fears through him. I do that a lot actually, not just with anxiety but with other emotions as well. Whenever I am really really happy about something, I think of Sigma and Moira. Whenever I’m depressed, I think about Sigma and Moira. I channel all of my emotions through these characters by acting out scenes in my head, imagining scenarios with them, or drawing them. Sometimes when I’m sad I’ll imagine Moira and Sigma in happy scenarios to cheer myself up. 

These characters, these fictional things from a video game, have had such an important impact on me I can’t even begin to describe it. I connect with these characters so deeply and so personally. 

I found myself connecting to them mostly during quarantine. This was the time when I was the loneliest I had ever been in my life. I was the most stressed and depressed I had ever been. I had lost a close family member and two beloved pets in a very short span of time. On top of this, I had no friends. I was completely downtrodden and lost. Then I decided to start playing Overwatch again, and everything started to change. 

I fell back in love with Moira more than ever and I found a brand new love for Sigma. I felt more connected to these characters than I ever would've because I had pretty much nobody else to connect to. These characters became my strongest coping mechanism and, in a way, my imaginary friends. I channeled all of my anxieties and sadness and grief and loneliness through them. I used them to help me grieve my loved ones. At the same time, I channeled my joy and pride and passions through them. These characters give me comfort when I need it most. That is something so special I can’t even begin to describe it. I love these characters with every single fiber of my heart and soul. They have been my greatest coping mechanism in these extremely tumultuous times. They helped me find actual friends for the first time in years, friends who I have been able to relate to and who love me despite my odd quirks and behaviors.

These fictional characters, these video game models, these lines of code, they have helped me survive my darkest days and enriched my brightest moments. These characters have fundamentally changed my life. 

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

Thank you Overwatch. Even though your fanbase can be one of the most toxic things I have ever seen, you have given me friends and two characters that kept me going when life was trying its hardest to keep me down. You have really shown me the power of fiction and its ability to change lives. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 

And thank you to whoever is still reading this. Seriously, I can’t believe you actually had the patience to listen to me ramble for so long about something so specific to me. It’s frankly incredible and I have endless respect for you. Your attention span is literally god-like if you were able to read through all this and I wanna thank you for blessing me with your priceless time and attention. It really is amazing.

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

Thought about this last night. Something called GeekGem Rambles where I reveal some stuff. Mainly opinions and interests of mine. Thought I get this out of the way.

So here's my first GeekGem Rambles.

- My favorite Linkin Park album is Reanimation. I was listening to Alexa and thought of making this while it was on. But got distracted by other things. My other favorite albums are Meteora(Which is playing right now), and Hybrid Theory.

- Something I've wanted to reveal on this blog actually. Despite I do like Marvel and it's characters. I really don't like the MCU or using it's full name the Marvel Cinematic Universe. In all seriousness I may not mind the films. They can possibly be entertaining. Depends on what films. There are things I like from the universe.

But it's gotten to the point that they have oversaturated cinema. Yet also have influenced people a bit too negatively of what a comic book movie can be. Despite it should be diverse in content.

I really wanted to make this clear. Mainly I guess when I speak about Marvel. It would be me referencing movies that aren't part of the MCU. Something like Sam Raimi's Spider-Man trilogy. Or even stuff like Capcom's Marvel fighting games like the Marvel Vs Capcom series.

Even recently me mentioning the live action tv shows of The Amazing Spider-Man 1977 and The Incredible Hulk 1978. I genuinely like those two shows.

- I'm a Zack Snyder fan. Let me make that clear. Mainly of his DC work. Such as Man Of Steel and Batman V Superman. Which that may speak of who I am. Depends on how you see Zack and his work.

Especially Batman V Superman is personally one of my favorite films.

- I genuinely liked Joker 2019. Despite how some of the reactions to the movie were. I just want to put that out there. Mainly I stopped talking or reblogging stuff for a long time because of the depressive state I was in. But I'm all better now or so considering having to stay indoors. Besides finishing adult school is another thing neat addition too. :)

- To be honest I mainly like the older Disney films or I genuinely don't mind their animated films. Whether they are from the Disney Renaissance era as people call it. Or even some of their newer films. Along with some films in the middle. But I genuinely don't like Disney as a company.

- In all seriousness I was a big gamer when I was younger. But despite being familiar with parties like Nintendo, Xbox, and PlayStation. I am mainly a PlayStation guy because of its gallery of characters and games. Such as Twisted Metal, Sly Cooper, MedEvil, Resistance, Parappa, and others.

Besides I don't wanna stress myself out with too many games to play. Which I feel is a problem with me.

- In all seriousness my blog here is a horror themed blog mostly. But I have had expectations. It just depends on the material. I have wondered of changing the username on here. Despite I do still like it.

Again and well.....I do like horror or so. It's still that kind of blog. Basically a blog where I can indulge in these kinds of interests more while my main blog deals with some other pop culture stuff. Such as cartoons and whatever else.

Even though oh this blog. Bioshock and Bendy are pretty big here. It depends on which other franchise. I did think just now or whatever this blog focuses more on my more serious interests or whatever.

Did think if this blog could be a gaming blog but most likely not.

- I've played multiple first person shooters. So it's not just Bioshock. I've played Doom, Halo, Call Of Duty, Killzone, Team Fortress 2, and others.

I guess you can say first person shooters are a favorite mine. Along with other variety of games.

- I'm also a Sega guy. I'm mostly a Sonic guy. Yet I like Sega's other characters. It just depends on who I may like. I like the variety in characters and games. I'd also like to mention I own a Sega Dreamcast.

- I'm a Kaiju fan. Mainly of the Godzilla franchise and King Kong.

- Guess I'll say again that original Predator is one of my all time favorite films. Along with the original Halloween.

- The original MacGyver was a great show. I haven't watched the reboot. But I'm not really interested.

- Trying to remember what else. Mainly that was some of the major stuff. I guess I'll say again I have Autism.

Anyway that was my first GeekGem Rambles. :)

Edit considering I remembered this one I wanted to reveal.

- My favorite ship dynamic is the introvert X extrovert. :)

[aceyanaheim]

Okay let’s try this one more time.

Questions from this thingy that I saw a friendo do last year.

Introduction: Acey. That’s it that’s the introduction.

Diagnosis: I’m working on getting a Diagnosis but Autism and some form of attachment disorder.

As of 2019:

Neurocognitive and Cognitive Disorder due to Seizures

Major Depressive Disorder

General Anxiety Disorder

Social Anxiety Disorder

Personality Change Due to Seizure Disorder ( later confirmed by a second psychiatrist to be Borderline Personality Disorder)

C-PTSD symptoms ( still waiting on final diagnosis but symptons have been confirmed and disorder is very likely.) 

Autism more or less confirmed by multiple professionals  but still waiting to be able to afford testing.

Symptoms: 

Autism/ASD : Can’t read tone. Hard time with social interaction. Sensory issues. Adherence to routine. Stimming. Scripting. Childish behaviour.  Meltdowns. Hyperfixation.

Attachment Issues: I tend to attach/get attached to people really fast. At the same time I push them away or tell myself I don’t matter to them. I also have a hard time getting attached to people. It’s either super quick or like pulling teeth. I want to be with people all the time. Codependence I guess is the word I’m looking for.  

Social Anxiety: I’m...basically always scared when I’m talking to people? I’m scared I’ll say the wrong thing. I have my answers and messages rehearsed and proofread and sometimes vetted by someone else ( unless it’s sensitive info)  and I still feel like something comes across in a negative way. ( like This is too cheerful, That’s too morbid, does that sound dismissive? If I say This I fuck up in this way but if I say THAT I fuck up in another) It couples with my autism since that...actually makes me say awkward/wrong shit all the time. 

Has come down since starting Lexapro but still present.

Emotional Flashbacks: Feelings that were there while you were experiencing the traumatic event. Happen at random triggers. Incredibly strong. To the point that they don’t correspond to the stimuli and feel freshly felt. ( tied to C-PTSD) 

Hyper-vigilance ( tied to C-PTSD)

Anxiety attacks

Panic Attacks

Don’t act as mature as other people my age/more at home with younger people.

Hypersensitive to any perceived rejection. 

Brain fixates on bad memories and repeats them : C-PTSD

Constant fear of it happening again: C-PTSD

Black or White thinking: I’ll think someone’s sick of me or can’t stand me at stuff like being left on read while also deciding I love them and they’re the best person ever when they do something nice to me. Intense but have some modicum of self awareness. ( i know on some level people dont dislike or hate me, i still spiral though)

“Duckling Syndrome” ( is what i call it) : I’ll see someone be nice to me and all I can think of is how much I want them to adopt me, to take me home, to make me part of their family. It’s too strong to be anything but disordered. It hurts. ( possibly part of bpd) 

Has in the past put self in bad situations to not be alone ( connected to bpd/attachment disorder) 

Other Stuff I either need to mention to my shrink and/or hasn’t been tied down to any of my dx disorders:

I want things to be Just So. Like I want a certain kinda paper for certain kinds of mediums in art. I want my food in a certain order. I eat it in A Certain Order I get really uncomfortable otherwise.

I think I’ve depersonalized or dissociated at least five times..but..only when things get REALLY bad...like when I spiral. I still get those two confused even after reading the definitions but it’s like….I don’t feel anything? But I’m weirdly aware that I’m supposed to? Like I flipped a switch. Also mixed with this weird its not real feeling. I hasn’t happened in roughly a year tho so I dunno if it counts? Its been happening again this year. Still unsure if disordered or stress reaction.

I tend to struggle with depressive episodes from time to time. Like I’ll just lay on the bed and not wanna do anything. I have games to play, I have hobbies I could indulge in but I just..don’t want to. Don’t see the point.

Have thought that I’d be better off not existing. ( AKA suicidal ideation) Currently under control.

I’ve developed these like...weird paranoia spells? Like this one time a cop yelled at me ( to mess with me) and I was suddenly terrified of him following me and hurting me and my dad ( which yes can be attributed to the amount of police brutality you hear about, especially to people who don’t speak english fluently but like I saw it in my mind’s eye and it would not stop and the dude left and I was still seeing in my head him like following me home and hurting us) or like just recently some man asked about my dog and how much she was worth and this weird ass alarm went off in my head to get the hell away from him and what if he follows me home? What if he takes my dog? What if he follows me home AND takes my dog? They’re pretty sporadic ( though not as much as I want them to be)  but they’re also really intense. Have stopped since I started Lexapro.

Physical Self Harm in the past to ground, to punish myself, in times of high emotion. All of the above. ( has stopped as of last year. Even intrusive thoughts about it are at a minimum.)

Obsession with being “good”: If I ever do something I think is a mistake I all but turn on myself. I beat myself up. I think of myself as a bad person ( there’s only Good and Bad for me..but only in regards to myself) I have to be nice. I have to be kind. I have to be good in a way that’s disordered. ( this compounds with my social anxiety and bpd to bind me into being a “good person” ( someone who never gets mad never talks back never does anything but niceness irregardless of the fact that..it’s impossible) I tend to think if I’m “bad” that people need to punish me, yell at me, or hurt me. That I need to Atone) ( could be part of CPTSD due to past abuse. Answer pending) 

Intrusive thoughts: mostly about self harm but also about “learning my place” and...calling myself things I’d rather not say. I’ve so far at least managed to recognize they’re intrusive ( might be related to any of the disorders listed above but also with past abuse but unsure at the moment. Shrink thinks its tied to bpd. Could be tied to past abuse I haven’t discussed in therapy yet.)

Disordered Eating of sorts: due to my mother being paranoid about unhealthy food I’ve gone days where I can’t bring myself to eat something because I’m scared it’ll hurt me. There’s times where I’ve needed my friend to tell me to eat. There’s times where I feel like if I eat I have to exercise it off. It’s about control, it’s about fear, it’s….about everything but weight. Hella strong last year. More or less brought under control as of this year. But remain as intrusive thoughts and pop up as intrusive thoughts from time to time.

React badly to being alone, especially at home and not getting social interaction. Depression kicks up, sometimes depersonalization ( might have ties to childhood epilepsy -having to be on lock-down  and kept indoors a lot due to my own risk of being hurt via seizure- but combines with bpd/attachment disorders) 

Have Shown Signs/Moments of Age Regression ( more often than not with the emotional flashbacks but not always)

Literally all the symptoms act up at night/around bedtime. Mostly anxiety but some others that have now been associated with bpd. Causes sleeping problems ( I hesitate to call it insomnia because I do sleep but it can get as bad as 3 hours a night until i just conk out at the end of the week -or 2 weeks- out of sheer exhaustion. Has been present since I was a teenager.) 

In The Past: Recklessness and disregard for personal safety and care.

Sometimes get this  physical feeling like my brain is overloaded. Often with hypervigilance or spirals where my mind races.

Stigma:

“I’m autistic” “I’m so sorry”

“I’m autistic” “And you’re sure you wanna go for that major?”

“I’m autistic” “But not that kind of autistic right?”

“I mean if you need accommodations to take a test then are you really cut out to have that kinda job?”

I consider myself a very patient person.

“She doesn’t know any better. You know she’s special” ( I was standing right there)

“I guess you don’t love anyone huh?” ( I was uh..I was nine years old)

“You’re codependent as fuck” ( that one my abuser said to me...after...making me codependent on her..yeah) 

“You talk like a robot. It’s like you don’t feel anything.” ( eeemotianl detachment due to CPTSD in my teenage years) 

“You’re choosing not to grow up” ( when expressing fears of develomental problems/disordered behaviour that could cause lack of maturity. I was asking for help) 

“You’re a lot”

“People with your disorder tend to be a problem for other people”

“You need therapy” “I am in therapy” “Then why are you still acting like this.”

“You’re just making excuses.”

“It’s like you like to cause trouble.” ( circa 2013)

“You just wanna hurt people that’s why you’re doing this.” ( circa...most of the 2000s) 

Multiple people in my family constantly make it a point ( or have in the past like..for most of my life) to tell me no one’s wanna live with someone like me ( I’m forgetful and before I figured out some ways to help it and the depression was bad uber messy)

Multiple people in my family try to discourage me from trying things because “you know you have that...thing”

And I mean..the usual constant bombardment of Autism being something you have to Fix. Of it causing people you love pain, and them never being happy because of it, of it being a defect.

People around me use autistic as an insult.

General comments about how horrible living with my mentally ill family must be ( ignoring that I’m mentally ill as well) and how my parents probably wish we weren’t disordered ( ignoring that they are also disordered) and how basically there’s no way for us to be happy.

I think at one point someone actually said to me something along the lines of “I bet your parents wish you and your siblings were born differently”

“I’m so proud you can do this incredibly easy thing that I think is all you can really do and I’m gonna talk to you in the most condescending tone about it like who’s a good lil autistic person look at you, talkin and solving basic problems and everything.” ( obvs paraphrased but thats...usually the gist) 

Define Your Disorders

Autism: a developmental disorder that affects communication and behavior.

Attachment Disorder: the condition in which individuals have difficulty forming lasting relationships ( it was the only one I can find that doesn’t talk about RAD as I don’t have the criteria for that. This one’s tricky cause I don’t have the proper diagnosis for it yet, for all I know it could be part of a bigger disorder)

BPD:a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. It includes a pattern of unstable intense relationships, distorted self-image, extreme emotions and impulsiveness. Symptoms include emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity, and impaired social relationships.

Major Depression Disorder: Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living.

General Anxiety Disorder.:  Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation), occurring more days than not for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities (such as work or school performance).

Amnesic Disorder Due To Epilepsy :Inability to remember events for a period of time.

Myth about your disorders and the truth

Autistic people are dangerous

Autistic people are unfeeling

Autistic people are uncaring

Autistic people are all nonverbal

Autistic people are all mentally challenged. ( I ??)

Autistic people ar a burden on their families/a parent who abuse or even  kills their autistic child ( which happens so much it’s an acknowledged problem)  deserves sympathy.

Autistic people are brainy and mostly male.

Autism is a spectrum disorder. People exhibit different traits and while some hyperfocus on things that help them academically some hyperfocus on things that don’t or that even make their grades suffer like other interest tend to. ( my hyperfocus was fanfiction and I failed like five classes because of it) I have a friend who’s autistic and likes to party and drink and hang out with people. I have another friend who’s autistic who likes to skate and science. I’m autistic and I like neither of those things. We’re all over the place in every way even when we do share some common traits

Literally we all have people and things we care about.

Literally all of us have affectionate moments. I’m fairly physically affectionate if I’m close to/feel safe with someone.

Nonverbal and autism aren’t always correlated. Further, some autistic people go nonverbal for a bit but can speak other times.

Autism looks different in girls/afab people because we’ve been socialized differently.

Parents who kill their autistic kids are just straight up horrible people and I resent having to be told to have sympathy for them while simultaneously wishing I had “autistic” written on my forehead so I could be angry without a guilt trip and also simultaneously hoping to god I never stop passing for neurotypical because apparently the moment you show too many traits no one cares if someone hurts you or worse.

The whole “autistic people are dangerous” thing is mostly people showing videos of meltdowns which only happen under high stress and is something people use to demonize us and make us seem like burdens...and is actually why the whole “sympathy for an abusive/murderer parent of a neuroatypical” thing is fucked ten ways from Sunday. We aren’t dangerous.

I don’t...have a lot for the attachment disorder since I’m still waiting to figure out what that one’s really about and I haven’t really….met anyone else who has anything like it or shares symptoms with me.

I think off the top of my head it’s when people think it’s “cute” that you’re super clingy or go the other way and say people with attachment issues are uncaring. The first one romanticizes a behaviour that you’re trying to work on fixing/curbing and that is honestly hell. The second one is...is just as untrue as saying an autistic person is inherently uncaring ( or any mentally ill person for that matter)

I’ve also seen people say that people with any kind of attachment disorder are broken and that I feel confident enough in saying that they’re not...and I’m not.

I’ve been told people with BPD can’t be aware of their own disorder and have been denied testing due to this. 

I’ve seen people say people with BPD are a problem to others.

Anxiety: I’ve seen a lot of people who think it’s fake. And also that the only way you can have anxiety if you’re rocking back and forth gasping for breath.

There’s actually multiple ways to have anxiety attacks.

Tips for those who know/love someone with same disorders/symptoms

Well, starting off with, and keeping in mind that I’m not a proffesional or expert in...literally anything ever like ever ever....

A very dear friend of mine once said “it’s a whole lot easier to be supportive than it is not to be” Let people with disorders tell you what they need, and then respect it. Open communication and making them feel safe is key...to everything. Being informed is important but at the end of the day, different people will experience things differently and what they need is really down to them. Don’t assume that reading about their disorder means you know what they need better than them. Don’t talk about how their disorder affects you. Even if you have good intentions, you’re going to make them feel bad. If you’re a parent, don’t talk to others about your child’s disorder in front of them. And if they don’t like a therapist, listen to them as to why. Don’t assume it’s just because “they’re disordered” that’s lazy parenting.

Take triggers seriously, talk to them about what symptoms they need help with, and which they’d rather process or deal with  on their own. Just..show that you have that initiative, that you’re there for them. Listen. Be patient. Establish boundaries gently but firmly. If someone with my attachment disorder is ringing you a lot and you need time to yourself, let them know. Explain. Don’t go radio silent. People with autism can be bad at reading you. Again explain, be patient, but don’t just....leave them there to guess what they did wrong. C-PTSD is traumagenic in nature so I’d add to taking triggers seriously, be ready for Tragic Backstory drop behind disclosing some triggers ( and understand how much they have to trust you to disclose that.) but also be ready for “I just don’t want this in my field of vision and I don’t feel comfortable talking about it just yet.” Don’t push for details. Don’t push period.

And also just....treat em like people you know. Disordered people are still people, let them exist outside their disorders and do the things that people in that relationship that you have with them. ( whatever relationship that is) do. 

How your disorder/s affect your relationships 

In the past -and before I was a bit more self aware- it’s made me uber clingy. I would call friends constantly, message them a lot. Think someone was my best friend or even closer than they really were because they were nice to me. It scared people off.

On the flip side I would also convince myself people didn’t like me or I was nothing to them the moment I caught myself having strong feelings. ( which as said before would happen mcquicklike)

As one can imagine this would put a lot of pressure on new friendships. Often it would sour them, sometimes it would make people dislike me. Sometimes it’d make them unconfortable. Which as my disorder also affects how I receive rejection...was..really bad.

On the flip side of the flip side I was also incredibly ride or die and it left me open to a lot of manipulation and abuse from friends. I couldn’t be mad at them if they hurt me. I couldn’t say no to anything they said. I needed them.

My anxiety also contributes to this as I would constantly go through a checklist of how many good interactions vs “bad” or awkward interactions I had with people before I let myself feel like I was safe to call people my friends. Or even say I did okay interacting.

I had a lot of nights while I was making friends in college where I just felt like I was nothing to anyone. Like I was messing up. Looking back, it was just standard new friend interactions.

The more people mean to me, the more I’d freak out-I didn’t want to lose them. So it made it hard to even enjoy the friendship milestones I did achieve.

I’m using past tense because it’s gotten a lot better as situations that were making this 10 times worse have alleviated somewhat but there’s still seeds of it and sometimes it flares up. I’m just aware enough I can sometimes if not stop it identify it as my disorder talking. I don’t keep lists anymore but sometimes the thought pops up.

Facts About Your Disorder You Wish People Knew

I wish people knew what scripting and autistic burnout was. And that adults can have autism. And that vaccines don’t cause autism so stupid ass people didn’t risk their kid getting sick because they’re scared of my neurology.

I wish the only thing when I search about

I wish people took triggers seriously.

I wish more people knew about attachment disorders period.

I wish people knew how hard it all is sometimes.

 Favorite healthy coping techniques

Plushies, pillows. Physical grounding techniques that include physical stimming. I’m very tactile when it comes to my autism and stimming so grounding techniques were Good Textures are involved help double.

For attachment disorder spirals: Watching YT animators or vloggers. Like a lot. It recently chased off my sleeping problems. 

Playing with my dog.

Walking outside.

Going to the beach.

Looking at buildings. ( I don’t..I don’t know why?? It’s like a visual stim I guess? Like buildings that stand out to me due to their shape or being different than I usually see)

Basically going outside. ( to look at buildings, to look at nature, to the dog park, out in the grass in front of my building just..Outside Good, Inside Bad) 

Sending fun stuff to friends/doing things for them.

I tend to get a good happy chemical surge from helping people/doing nice things for people so that’s something I really like using to my advantage. I’m looking at volunteer options.

Also cartoons and Disney Channel shows I watch a lot of those.

Cooking. I can’t understand this one either but cooking and baking sometimes even gives me more energy.

Current biggest struggles with your disorder/s

Being at home tanks my mental health. I don’t drive. So I’m home a lot.

Seeing families be happy hurts sometimes. And that’s my main confort narrative.

Seeing my friends with their families hurts sometimes.  All I can think of is how much I wish I was a part of that. So I have to...not spend time with my friends.

I’m afraid to live alone.

I can’t get anything done sometimes. My train of thought has been crashing to the point that I completely lose it and I miss goals and deadlines almost every month. I need to get assignments done, build a portfolio, at least keep shrink dates, its all a hurdle lately. Even before that it’s hard for me to get stuff done when I’m home on  my own ( aka when I’m supposed to be doing things) because all my brain can think is “we’re alone we’re alone we’re alone. It’s too quiet. We need to talk to someone.” According to my shrink DBT will help with this. I can’t wait.

It’s hard to see a myself having a good future sometimes. Because of how many hangups I have and how late I am in addressing them ( I’m 28) and how much there is to do.

 What not to say to a person with similar/same disorder/s

“You’re making it all up”

“You should just get over it, it happened so long ago”

“You’re bringing me down stop talking about this”

“Its all in your head”

“Every one feels that way really”

Anything dismissive.

Anything from the stigma answer.

Literally any kind of pity (granted thats more a me thing due to childhood epilepsy meaning i had to deal with a lot of that. But honestly I’ll stand by it bc I’m not sure anyone really ...likes pity. )  

Ways in which your disorder/s affect your daily life

I deal with executive dysfunction which makes it hard to get anything done. I feel like I’m starting over constantly. I feel like my age doesn’t match my brain. All of this augments my depression.  I have to take days off in the middle of the week to just do nothing or catch up to all the stuff I haven’t done. I miss deadlines or just barely make them. I’m also a budding workaholic which I used to do to avoid dwelling on all these feelings so having to take breaks isn’t….something I’m used to or really like. I at one point handled school, work, and 2 editing jobs. I used to do martial arts, I like running, I like swimming. I’m the kind of person that needs to be on the move and lately that’s hard because spoons and energy.

Also a lot of basic self care is hard to get done because of the dysfunction mentioned above.

Things that give you hope

The fact that I’m finally getting therapy.

I guess having people I can talk to about it.

My family isn’t as bad as it was back in 2014.

I guess I know that even if I feel like I’m at a dead end, I’ll figure something out. That’s what I do. I mean that’s life, you think things are never getting better or that something’s the end of the world but really time marches onwards and so do you and you figure it out. Things fall into place. I believe life has a funny way of working out. If anything because it kinda has to, it can’t stand still yknow. I have moments of clarity where I just kinda remember that ( its not my first rodeo.in regards to hard times or Things That Happen..its not even my hardest rodeo so..if I got through that..you kinda figure you can muddle through this and see what comes next yknow) I’m oddly hopeful for the first time in a long time so, it’s p cool.

Treatment types and personal choices

I spent most of my childhood, and teenage years...and early 20s dodging therapy and help due to it being controlled by my mother and having really bad experiences with it in the past.I do regret it sometimes but I comfort myself with the fact that it was what seemed like the best decision and i didn’t have the information I now have about keeping her out of things. 

After finding better insurance and getting into university I found a way to get myself a psychiatrist and am working on finding talk therapy. For the most part I tended to patch myself up a lot by finding ways to quiet the thoughts I had ( saving text messages to remind myself people dont hate me. Talking myself down. Joining social activities. That sorta home brew stuff. I’ve been soloing a lot of shit I probably shouldn’t have been until recently but hey live and learn. Also I didn’t have insurance.) As of recently I’m on an antidepresant and  hopefully going into DBT. That reminds me I have to call them.

Your support system

I’ve found some really nice friends like they’ve kinda just collectively adopted me and when your disorder stems from losing family that..that’s been incredibly helpful. All my close friends are long distance but they help me. My younger sister is also there although i try to limit how much she’s privy to as she just turned 18. My brother and I tend to spend limited time together due to him having his own stuff goin on but I’d also put him there. My parents sorta count as....one supportive unit? ( they try with the best of intentions but it uh..thats..thats really all I can say about them)

Reactions from those who learn about your disorder/s

I get told I can’t possibly have them because i “look too successful” or whatever ableist rethoric they got going. When I talk about C-PTSD symptons I get side eye for “trivializing” it as they don’t believe I can have it and think I’m exaggerating anxiety symptons. When I talk about Attachment Disorders…..I often don’t because people always say something along the lines of “people with that are often too damaged and you don’t fit the bill” which..ouch.

Mostly it goes from “you don’t look like a damaged and/or psychopath crazy person” to “oh...I guess you are one” with a bit of “okay thats fine” but still anger and impatience when I show symptoms.

I don’t talk about my disorders a lot.

 Future hopes and dreams

I’d like to get my attachment disorder under control as it’s the main life wrecking thing I have. After that or along with that I’d like to live somewhere where I get the social interaction I kinda need.

I wanna be happy with whatever profession I have and just..my life in general.

I hope DBT helps. Whatever it is It’s my first time even trying it.

I have a couple of personal creative goals but I don’t wanna jinx them by disclosing them ( I did mention I had anxiety)

Interactions with other people with the same disorders

I follow some peeps with BPD and also folks on the spectrum on tumblr. I don’t really have a lot of  analog interaction. ( again no driving + suburbia = being cooped up A Lot)  My sister and I share some disordered traits so we talk about them often and that helps a lot.

Things you want to work on/improve

The whole black and white thinking and maybe getting things done on time. I’d like to get the spirals under control too.

 Work/school experience with disorder/s

Shit’s hard.

Often I don’t get the help I need and have learned to overcompensate/regulate so I can still get things done. I pretty much need to work since i don’t believe I’d qualify for disability. I get in trouble a lot for spacing out ( dissociating) and forgetting things at work. Work friendships are also slow burn if not just nonexistent due to my autism and people..not really knowing what to make of it. I’ll probably have to quit working while I study since I can’t really split focus enough to do both lately. Further, a lot of my energy needs to go into school things staying afloat and that tends to mean I can’t do things that contribute to my mental health ( i.e spending time with friends, going out, sometimes even therapy, taking breaks) as I’ve found out that sends me way back in recovery.

Free space!

Here’s a picture of my cat. She’s a demon. What it said Free Space.

Family history of mental disorders?

Mother has Bipolar disorder and depression. Sister has bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, and eating disorders, Brother has anxiety and shows signs of ADHD, Dad has what we suspect is ADHD and possibly some disorder traits from past trauma. Used to have anger issues.

I uh..I used to call us “The Madhouse” for most of my late teens and early 20s.

Media representation of disorder/s

Attachment disorders: characters who are stalkers and so desperate for love family and acceptance they’ll do anything, even hurt people to feel it. Also often don’t have depression and can do things like learn villain skills.

Autistic traits are often cherry picked and portrayed in an unfavorable light. I think I’ve seen some rare cases of actual representation though.

How do you feel about talking about your mental health?

I don’t...like it as much as talking about mental health in general. Most of my life is...me running away from trauma and trying to  reclaim a life outside of it. It’s what I did with my epilepsy of course that one was easier because the seizures went away. 

Talking about it feels like going back. I wanna just move on with it. But I’ve reluctantly come around to see that talking about it is a way to move on. And I mean its not like dodging it’s worked out that well for me so.

 The true face of mental illness (Selfie if you’re comfortable with it)

Aww yiiss. Selfies.

[toralyzer]

apparently there was this series of personal writing prompts for autism acceptance month that i missed, but i decided to do them all now cause i like talking about myself. http://doingcollegedisabled.tumblr.com/post/159842938764/30-days-of-autism-acceptance

Day 1.     Make yourself known.

I’m Amanda I’m 19! I was professionally diagnosed at a young age but by the time they told me I already long since knew I was weird.

Day 2.     Talk about passing and/or being out.

I’d be open about it I think but it hasn’t come up many times. I guess I did work really hard growing up to be able to pass as allistic though. Oh... I’m not sure if that’s ever caused burnout!

Day 3.     Talk about relationships, both platonic and romantic. 

Yeah as a kid I had a hard time making friends but now I’m a lot better at being sociable - in the allistic way I guess. But now lots of my friends are proudly autistic anyway!

Day 4.     Talk about your family and support. 

I think my family was fine about it. Unless in fact my trauma comes from them dealing with my autism badly. It’s unknown.

Day 5.     Talk about employment and your career. 

Yeah I gotta get one of those...

Day 6.     Talk about music, art, writing, and other forms of creativity. 

Yeah I do that stuff! I’m really creative. Sometimes I think about autistic themes but I don’t think I know what they would be, I think I have too many bad depictions internalized. Sometime I wanna do something with the changeling comparison though...

Day 7.     Talk about community. 

I guess I’m really not out as autistic anywhere ‘cause I pass well. So idk. And I’m not in any communities of autistic people.

Day 8.     Talk about traditional media. 

I think as a kid, media depictions gave me this horrible sense of condescending superiority toward myself and added to my complexes of not listening to my feelings. It’s like, you get these books that put you outside the autistic kid to laugh at his misunderstanding things, and I think then I felt like any sincere expression of my own feelings and thoughts was an immature misunderstanding and worthy of shame.

Day 9.     Talk about Autism Speaks.

Ya, fuck them.

And/or  Talk about special interests.

Damn I’m not sure if I’ve had a special interest lately? I guess some things I’ve been constantly thinking about lately are, um, Sports Anime RPG and my Zimmy fanfic. Okay so Sports Anime RPG is a roleplaying game I’m making based on sports animes even though I haven’t actually seen many but I thought it was a cool idea. It’s split into two sections, one is for the sports games and you can swap out different rulesets for different sports, and in general it’s focused on strategy and mechanics, similar to traditional RPG battles. The other is more freeform roleplay for the story outside sports matches, with light skill checks that are mostly social-based. And there are friendship mechanics where you can build friendships with other characters and get friendship abilities that you can use in either mode! And then the Zimmy story is this fanfiction idea that I always come back to when I feel really fucked up in my head - the premise is basically to throw together all the most viscerally upsetting surreal gore and horror set pieces I can think of, in the context of Zimmy from Gunnerkrigg Court’s reality warping getting set off bad. I’m a little frustrated because I can’t figure out how to express how much I love Zimmy and want to save her but also address how abusive she is.

Day 10. Talk about a cure. 

It’s a divergence not an illness so it wouldn’t be a cure so much as just mental modification. And no that would be really evil for other people to be able to make us allistic

And/Or  Talk about stimming. 

Yeah I like stim toys sometimes. I have a bracelet of rainbow stars and a thing of rainbow blocks you can put in different shapes and a fidget cube. I think a bigger thing for me though is that if I’m listening to a podcast or so I need to play a video game that uses my hands but not my listening brain. When I do that it can be the most fulfilling and engaging activity ever. Watching video fills my attention too much to do a simultaneous activity but not enough to keep me from being distracted so it’s not as easy for me.

Day 11. Talk about sensory issues. 

When I was a kid I only wore shorts all the time. Now I’m hugely self-conscious about it and I’ll never wear male shorts again. Yeah, I guess there are various sensory things I have a problem with... It’s not too intrusive to my life though.

Day 12. Talk about ableism. 

I don’t think I’ve got any stories here. I’ve never been targeted directly.

Day 13. Talk about something funny. 

“Has anything humorous or ironic ever happened to you because you were autistic?“ Haha probably not anything I’d want to joke about!

Day 14. Talk about role models. 

Uhhhh I’m not sure I know any autistic role models. Sometimes there are tumblr users who are vocally autistic who seem cool. Role models in general? I was saying the other day, I used to have a list of people I wanted to be like, but several of them have since become my enemies, so. Yeah, I think every celebrity disappoints you eventually. The last person about whom I thought “well, at least so far, this person seems really good and kind and a cool artistic inspiration” was... Rebecca Sugar.

Day 15. Talk about identity. 

I was diagnosed with aspergers but later I learned that’s just a subset of autism now. I like autistic better.

Day 16. Talk about treatment. 

I haven’t done any that I can really remember. I should go to therapy though. Like in general.

Day 17. Talk about empathy. 

I guess usually I have more sympathy than empathy for people? But sometimes when my girlfriend does a kind of cutesy sad voice as a joke I get some kind of weird hyper empathy and get really sad.

Day 18. Talk about functioning labels. 

I hear those are bad. I would probably be on the higher functioning side but yeah, those seem like a bad idea because they describe how well society is ready to engage with us as if it was our own success or failure.

Day 19. Talk about your struggles and strengths. 

I don’t really know which of those are because of autism or not and I’m self-conscious about finding out because I spent so long trying to learn to be “normal”. On the other hand sometimes it feels like it’ll turn out that autistic traits just account for my whole personality.

Day 20. Talk about communication. 

I’m verbal, sometimes I like when I can communicate in other ways though, like when I can get something across with quick hand signs.

Day 21. Talk about comorbid conditions.

Well I’m not sure about any of those and I don’t think I’ll speculate here to make sure I don’t appropriate anything.

Day 22. Talk about autism parents. 

Wow fuck them! Yeah I was just reading about #BoycottToSiri. People who abuse their kids because they can’t fathom trying to interact and listen to them to understand what they really need and instead go to great lengths to train them like animals into simulating “normality” should die.

Day 23. Talk about your living situation. 

I have a roommate who I know enjoys being able to stay in their room without ever encountering a single allistic or cis person. ^u^

Day 24. Talk about the stereotypes and misconceptions that neurotypicals and allistics have. 

Luckily I haven’t encountered it much in person but I know people see us as a young boy with a slightly distant expression with a single savant skill but also enough tragic disconnection from the rest of humanity that they can safely feel intellectually superior. Wow now that I think about this it’s actually this really unique way of viewing a person where they feel that the stereotypical expression shows that this child doesn’t really exist outside of his mysterious, unknowable brain and therefore all of his personal space and bodily autonomy is up for grabs. It’s really unsettling how autistic bodies in media are dehumanized into dolls because the portrayer is so obsessed with emphasizing this perceived unbreachable distance between the subject and the human observers.

Day 25. Talk about meltdowns/shutdowns. 

Kinda had one earlier because academic research is so frustrating. I think work pressure like that is the usual cause, other than social overload.

Day 26. Talk about echolalia and scripting. 

Yeah I don’t use really specific scripts for most things now, but when it comes to formal things like phone calls I do really need to work out my full sentence before I start.

Day 27. Talk about eye-contact. 

I think I’m pretty okay with eye contact? I don’t think I give people the wrong signals? This always makes me self-conscious X(

Day 28. Talk about autism as a disability.

It’s not a disability ‘cause it’s just different, right? Or are there aspects that strictly make things harder? I don’t really know...

Day 29. Talk about executive functioning.

IT’S DEFINITELY AN ISSUE.

Day 30. Talk with pride. 

“Are you proud to be autistic?” Yeah definitely!!! “How do you show the world your pride?” Oh. Hm...

[angelicxprowess-blog]

Heyyyyyy I kinda wanted to ask a personal question? I wanna write a character who has autism and I was wondering if you could help me? Like if you could just name some things that characterize autism to you personally that would be absolutely amazing tbh. If not that's totally cool I don't wanna pry sorry. Thanks!!

Dont worry!!! I like answering these

Okay well firstly, it does not have specific things to get a diagnoses. Me and both of my brothers are either diagnosed with ASD, or have it suspected, and while mine and the 9 year old’s is more similar, me and the 17 year old’s is completely different.

Most autistics I’ve seen prefer being called an autistic person than a person with autism but I think that's just down to preference. Autistic person is just more common.

There are many many different ways to stim. When I do it its usually cause Im happy, excited or stressed out (and sometimes I do it cause its fun). This can be either hand flapping, jumping, when Im sitting down kicking my legs in the air, hitting my leg, making noises (”ah, ah, ah”), stroking my hair and other stuff. Not a lot of people are understanding and a lot of comments are made, and sadly from what I’ve seen, a given so...

Echolalia! This is where you repeat words and phrases you hear. This can be from a song, the last thing you heard, or just anything you remember. Some autistics only communicate with echolalia, but I dont think that's very common.

Communication is hard. I struggle with working out if people are happy, sad ext just by looking at their face unless its at the extreme, and I cant pick up sarcasm when spoken very well unless I’m told its sarcasm (doesnt stop me from using it though). People can say what they think is an easy question, and I have to think about it step by step which can make it seriously confusing. For example; I know this sounds silly but I struggle with doing the washing and I ALWAYS miss steps, and I have broken down just because there was too much going on. Also sometimes, how I communicate can make things tricky for others. When I was much younger my voice was very flat and didn't have much emotion in it at all (I now make it over exaggerated) which got me into trouble a lot because people couldnt tell when I was joking, when I was being sarcastic or they thought I was always being rude. And my wording still makes things difficult sometimes for people to understand even though to me, what I’m saying is obvious. 

Sensory overload. I’m not sure if its an autism only thing but its common and is hell. This is where there is too much stimulation going on (texture, sound and all that), to the point where you just stop being able to process it all and everything goes to shit tbh. This can either cause stimming to be done while being exhausted, or a tantrum (its not funny: dont act like it is), or the complete stopping of as much sensory stuff as you can. I do a tantrum and stim at the same time which is kinda embarrassing for me.. During this I usually scratch at myself, punch myself, keep crying and screaming, (headbutt walls which hurts), bite at myself and other stuff. I have a pill to calm me down (not for autism: I have really bad anxiety that stops me from being able to leave the house a lot) which mum suggested I try using during it but it doesn't do much...

SI’s! Special Interests. Mine is Kuro which is kinda.. really obvious... This basically means that your interest in it is huge to the point where it could almost be like an obsession.. Most things I’m a fan of reminds me of Kuro is some way. Its pretty much all I draw and write about, and talk about. Also! It doesnt have to be a TV series or game thing; it can be anything. About science, songs, books, history ext ext! The stereotype is trains so.. If you’re gonna make it that please be careful cause it gets :/ They can last either a really long time, or a week. Depends on the person. Kuro has been my SI since I was 13 (5 years), but I’ve had some that only lasted a month.

Eye contact can be evil. Its either “Am I looking too much?” or “I cant look them in the eye am I being rude???”. We dont really understand the balance there...

It can make learning really really difficult if done in a way that doesnt fit you. If you just speak: I'm not gonna remember anything. And if you go too fast: Yeah still not gonna remember anything. This doesnt mean the person is not intelligent, it's just that our brain is wired differently and picks up information differently. If you leave me to learn on my own, I got named one of the top of my class. If it’s a teacher, I got told that I wasnt trying hard enough and was a waste of space (that teacher was an ass). 

Things need to be done in a certain way and if something disrupts this its Bad. I have a very specific routine in the morning and if somebody interrupts it I will not get up and will scream. If I’m reading something, I will talk to you when I want to talk to you and if you interrupt, I wont be able to continue the book from where I was and will have to start it over and will be PISSED. When cleaning everything is done in a very specific order and if you’re still in the room, I just wont do it. If we’re missing something I need, I wont do it. (I haven't cleaned my room in ages cause we dont have the hoover rn). This doesnt mean you are organised btw!! Just things gotta be done in a certain way.

One of the things I do is refer to myself in third person a lot. I’m not really sure why this is, but its like 

Friend: Are you tired..?

Me: Lizzie’s tired... She needs sleep

I know a few other autistic people who do this, so I’m pretty sure its because of that! I think some people do do it just to join it but xD But I don't think its very common so :/ Not many people use it in books or tv unless a character is playing so ;u;

Since some people think this and its... really wrong. Age regression isn't a symptom of autism. You can be autistic and regress, but it’s not a symptom. Also while its true for me and my 9 year old brother, you don't inherently act younger than your actual age, though that can be a symptom (When I was a lot younger (5-7) I had to go to a special class because of this although we didnt know what caused it then). Though since a lot of people see it has inherent, I would avoid that.

If the character acts like Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory, change them as soon as you can. (Biggest walking offensive stereotype) Ngl my favourite character that is confirmed autistic is Christian Wolff from The Accountant, although there is some stereotypes (Math being the SI, complete stoicness, also there are signs that the therapy he went to is ABA which freaked me out and him doing this thing to CAUSE an overload (Flashing Lights, way too loud metal music and scraping a metal bar up and down his leg) its pretty good!!! (Also guns and explosions)

Autism speaks is shit. Do not support that crap. They do more harm than good and act like its a disease, which its not. You cant cure it, its just how your brain is wired and there is nothing you can do about it so *shrug*. ABA is bad too and traumatises its patients (that's where they train you to act allistic (non-autistic). You’re either born with it, or you don't have it (Doesnt mean you can only be diagnosed young. You can be diagnosed at any point in life, although its easier when you’re younger. Mine keeps being put off from being finished (even though I’ve been told I am) because to the world, I’m a feminine girl and we apparently cant be autistic which is bullshit, and because I was nearly 18 (we’re gonna finish it soon).

I think this should be enough... If you need anymore please feel free to ask xD 

[astroshad]

3, 10, 14, 18.

3. What are your favorite stims?Ok, so I have quite a few. I’ll break them down into different categories.Sound: Most of my stims are sound based. I tend to hum/sing pretty much 24/7. My current fave vocal stim is this bit of Cool Patrol by NSP (https://youtu.be/-tW0G9XWaj0?t=2m20s) . Also Hamilton songs (as well as anything else by Lin-Manuel Miranda) are very stimmy for me to listen to or sing to. For the past few days I’ve also been stimming to the main song from The Song of the Sea ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6wVijh2n9g ) and an Irish folk song called Dulaman (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ukjpUD5fZA ). I also have some sort of background noise set up on my laptop when I’m on it. I love the sound of rain (Usually I use rainymood) and foresty sounds(https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/meadowCreekSoundscapeGenerator.php).

Taste: I’ve noticed that candy canes seem to be a stim for me. The mint is soo good. Also hot chocolate and tea is awesome too.

Touch: Anything soft. I have this medium-sized Belle tsum tsum I got when I was in New York that’s perfect for cuddling and stuff. I really wanna get some kinetic sand cause it looks really cool but yea…

Sight: GLITTER! NEON LIGHTS! VAPORWAVE-Y THINGS! RAIN! GLOWY THINGS! I’m probably missing a few, but you get the idea. XD

Smell: I’ve been collecting candles over the past few months and now my desk is 25% candles….My faves are pumpkin, lavender, and pine.

10. What is one thing that you wished everyone knew about autism?The spectrum isn’t a line. Everyone experiences their autism differently. For example, me and @kikikid1412 are both autistic. She has issues with some foods and their textures, whereas I’m perfectly ok with them.

14. Describe a place/room/situation that would be sensory heaven to you.A place where I can freely sing/hum as loud as I want for as long as I want, listen to the same songs on repeat without the use of headphones and not feel self conscious about my music choices. The place would also have an infinitely burning pumpin scented candle, fairy lights/neon lights on the walls, and tons of glitter jars. I would look out the window and see that the rain is never ending.

18. What are your autistic headcanons?YOU’VE DONE IT NOW. SIT DOWN CAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE A FUCKIN RIDE.I have a bunch of characters that I headcanon to be autistic (which are on my about page), but the headcanons I ABSOLUTELY LOVE/ ARE EXTREMELY SPECIAL TO ME are as follows…

Peridot (from Steven Universe): I developed this headcanon back when the “Peridot redemption arc” was first starting. This was also around the time when I was starting to learn more about Autism and who I was. This was basically my gateway to headcanons as a whole. The headcanon clicked into place when I saw that Peridot really didn’t understand how things worked and how hard it was for her to grasp the set of social rules that she was presented with. She wanted to fit in with the gems and tried her hardest to understand things. Especially when she unintentionally hurt Amethyst. The tape recorder also played a big part in this headcanon. Peridot was so used to her screens and homeworld tech in order to communicate and process the world around her. When Steven gave her the tape recorder, it allowed her to continue her routine of keeping logs and also communicate her feelings to the gems. The main examples being her rewinding and repeating bits of the tape (“CLOD! CLOD! CLOD!”) and when she apologized to Amethyst in recording form. There are many other reasons why I headcanon Peridot as autistic, but there are the two main reasons that started this whole thing.

Papyrus (from Undertale): I’ve talked about this in the past, but I’ll say it again. I see a lot of myself in Papyrus. And I didn’t even mean to make this headcanon at first, but just like the last headcanon, it clicked into place. The only difference is that with this one, it happened in more of a “oh my god i see the light” sort of way. It was late 2015, and I was in a public speaking class at my college. For the final project, we had to give a persuasive speech. I chose to do mine on Autism Speaks and why they are pretty much the spawn of satan. So I was sitting in the library doing research and one of the articles talked a bit about the symptoms of autism. As I was reading them, my thoughts drifted to Undertale, since at the time that was one of my main special interests. And for some reason, my thoughts drifted to Papyrus specifically. Then, time pretty much almost literally froze for me. “Papyrus is autistic…” The thought popped up. “Papyrus…..is AUTISTIC!!” the thought echoed again. A smile grew on my face and I jut felt so happy. There was a character that was clearly autistic…and the other characters loved him and cared for him greatly and didn’t think he was dumb/a burden/other bad words!!!! They accepted him for who he was and he accepted himself too!!! Papyrus was and still is the character I needed in that time. I’m still learning to accept myself and I know that even if it doesn’t feel like I’m making huge leaps, Papyrus would be proud of me and be like “HUMAN! LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE!!”

Alexander Hamilton (from the musical, Hamilton):  This one is kind of hard to explain. even I don’t have the full explanation figured out ( @kikikid1412 ya might have to help me out with this). The best explanation I can give is that, for some reason, the musicial has just kind of…attached itself deep into my soul? I love it. It’s just so important to me. Maybe the reason I have the “Alexander is autistic” headcanon is because he’s kind of what I want to be. He’s loud, he lets his thoughts be known, he is completely himself. And as someone who is kind of shy and quiet and self concious, why wouldn’t I want to be more like that? I’ve talked about this in my New Years post, but I want to speak up more. I want to grab the things I want, not let them slide by. I want to be in the room where it happens. Like I said, I’m still trying to truly figure out the reason I love this headcanon so much.

Rapunzel (from Tangled) and Belle (from Beauty and the Beast): These two princesses have always been special to me, even before I started this whole headcanoning thing. Beauty and the Beast is basically the movie my father and I share. It’s our movie. As a kid and even now, Belle was my favorite Disney Princess. Then, when I saw Tangled in 2012, the movie just instantly became one of my faves. When I showed the movie to my friends, they even said “Rapunzel is basically you.” So when I got into headcanoning and reading other people’s headcanons for them, I guess it started to make more sense WHY I loved them and WHY I saw bits of myself in them. Rapunzel is this energetic and loud princess with a thousand special interests. Belle is the odd one out in her village and nobody understands her. And for the most part, she’s fine with her books, but she wishes someone would understand her. And she even has doubts about herself because of the way the villagers are towards her (“Papa…do you think I’m…odd?” ). AND BOTH PRINCESSES WANT ADVENTURE! That’s something I want too!! I could go on and on about why I love these princesses so much..

Link (from The Legend of Zelda): This headcanon is kind of new for me, but my love for Zelda is something I’ve had for a looooong time. Zelda has been one of my special interests since I played Link’s Awakening and the Oracle games way back in the day. And even though I love the Zelda series, its the classic games (First game, up until Ocarina/Majora. Also any game attached to the LTTP story) that are closest to my heart and are pretty much a part of me now. So why wouldn’t I love a headcanon that claims THE MAIN CHARACTER AND HERO is autistic? It makes so much sense to me and the headcanon makes me really happy.

Graham (from King’s Quest) and Guybrush Threepwood (from Monkey Island): THESE GAMES ARE REALLY GOOD AND YOU SHOULD PLAY THEM!!! Anyway, these games are pretty much my special interests now, as is point and click games in general. I love these two characters sooo soo much. Both are socially awkward, dorky adventurers. They think outside of the box frequently and come up with solutions that an average person wouldn’t think of. Guybrush has a special interest in pirates. Graham has a special interest in adventuring and puzzles. I will say, my headcanon for Graham is a bit more developed than the one for Guybrush. Graham has the tendency to ramble when excited (when he asks Manny to be friends, when he meets the potion shop owners, when encountering that big puzzle in chapter 4). He also is hyperempathetic (one word: Achaka). Also I headcanon Neese/Vee as autistic and the rest of the family too!

Dawn (from the musical, Waitress): Waitress..oh my god I love Waitress! It’s the first musical I saw LIVE ON BROADWAY!! As I was watching it i was like “Yes…Dawn is autistic as fuuuck : D   ;-; ” Like, in the first song she’s in (Opening Up) she flat out states she likes the way the diner has its own daily routine. She then continues to show that she loves routines (going home and eating a specific tv dinner and watching the history channel). She also is anxious and socially awkward. She has a special interest in history, especially the American Revolution.

Marty Mcfly and Doc Brown (from Back to the Future): I’m gonna start this by saying I love this headcanon, because Marty and Doc are basically me and @kikikid1412 !! Like our sistership is very similar to Doc and Marty’s friendship. Marty is anxious and often times worries about what people will think of him, while Doc is always encouraging Marty to just do it!!! I’ve reblogged a few posts about autistic Marty recently and you can go check out @kikikid1412 for her Doc headcanons. But basically this headcanon is special because I’m like Marty and sis is like Doc! And I see so many similarities between us and the characters!!

Amalthea, Prince Lir, Molly Grue, and Schmendrick (from The Last Unicorn): I’m still trying to develop this headcanon but here’s what I got so far.Schmendrick: Has a special interest in magic and mythological creatures. Stims by juggling.Molly Grue: Goes without shoes due to sensory issues. Special interests are legends and mythological creatures (mainly Robin Hood and unicorns). Very blunt and to the point, can be seen as rude (especially in the scenes where she’s talking to King Haggard)Prince Lir: Doesn’t know how to express his feelings properly/can’t put them into words. Had no clue how to approach the whole “I love Amalthea” thing and stuck to the script of “a daring hero slaying monsters” in hopes it would impress her. He also couldn’t read Amalthea and kept at the whole hero thing until he finally realized it wasn’t working.

[princeleyjeans]

When you don’t want insta to delete some possibly helpful future shit, sometimes you just gotta throw up on tumblr, so lemme start this off:

In 2014 thanks to Tumblr, I met my first girlfriend, after missing out on the whole teenage on/off dramatic romances due to my youth being taken up by undiagnosed autism, depression, the death of my dad and various issues with overall emotions i went into it without a clear head, I went in, inexperienced and as you can already imagine, my selfish ass got cocky from the attention of my blog and it’s slight fame, confused, even more anxious about stupid shit and round up putting myself into a hole that was hard to climb out of. Again, as you can assume, the relationship didn’t last long, mostly because I couldn’t handle being the not only one of us to have problems, because more things were coming out that I wasn’t ready to deal with, along with the newfound bravado of “hey somebody likes me”.

Cruelly, my main fear out of our parting was my rep, they were a well known blog in our shared community and so I was afraid of sides being taken, drama being caused, issues in between and basically anything that affected me, made me out to be the bad guy. I was incredibly selfish and put them through a lot of hurt and mixed feelings and so much bull crap that I’m still shocked they didn’t just fly over here to put a knife through my thick skull. I was that much of an asshole, not really mean but you know when someone lets fame go to their head and that’s the main focus, they don’t learn to manage, the idiot just soaks it up and leaves everyone else in the background? That’s what it was, I went from this struggling IRL 18 year old to Mr hotshot, the big contributor to a small fandom, nice dude who made everyone happy and did their all to provide decent content...it was like a really pathetic television show, main character gets to drown in their glory while neglecting everything and everyone else close to them, anything good becomes expected and inclines become mountains because they’re too busy enjoying themselves to realise “oh shit this is going on”

I was a piece of trash and on and off kept them on the hook, were we gonna get back together, weren’t we, if we’re single I’m so many years then who knows! That crap,, as my mental world started to crumble around me, my trust of people went with it and I became really possessive and paranoid and downright fucking weird like looking back even I wanna smack myself cus dude, not chill, take your MCR Goth phase elsewhere. thankfully they wound up meeting someone who made them happy and despite running away from them due to my paranoia, I still wish them all the best, still hope they’re in a better place because god knows they deserve it.

After that, interests came and went, ironically my ass received a karmic kicking when someone I had become close to and mutually expressed genuine affection toward turned around and literally threw the “I thought you understood” excuse at me, and this time I got multiple feedbacks as to what the overall interpretation was! (My friends are thankfully sane enough to explain shit to me and read stuff I might not be able to fully get), basically we’d come from another fandom, we’d been in a group and when that bunch fell apart, we stayed together as friends, talking, hanging on skype, playing games online, that shit, it felt right and we had both vocally expressed the desire to be a thing, to the point where love was mentioned, we both wanted to take it slow because of X, Y and Z but it was said, it was confirmed, this wasn’t just me, they wanted to be a couple too...and then...karma. It was New Years, they were going to see a movie with a friend of a friend because they never left the house or talked to anyone so I just assumed this was what my sister tried to suggest I do sometimes, go and meet people, go and interact with the world....noooooooooooo. The morning after we Skype called and they talked about the movie, about the other person and suddenly the tone went from “we hung out” to “we groped each other during the movie and they want to hang out again sometime”.

Yeah, like that scene in gta where you have to smash into the van with the tow truck, I literally stood in my living room with tears streaming down my face while putting on a happy voice, acting like “omg you hoe! Details, are they hot? Can we share?” It went from “I’m falling in love with you, can’t wait to see you, Babe” to “Thought you understood what we said” real quick. After that, I became second fiddle, our mutual taking it slow was no longer even existence and it was painfully obvious that my presence was one of “youre such a sweetheart, if nobody wants me, you get dibs” like I know that sounds like the worst way to put things but that was it, I am not even joking, for six months they loved me and then the second someone better appeared, whoop bye bye. Karma clapped me good. Understandably after that, I didn’t stick around, and trying to get closure was like trying to mash cured ham through a strainer.

The reason for talking about this stems from the insta posts I do at like 1AM, LOL NEED A GF HOUR. because genuinely I do want someone, eventually, and after the bullshit, I’m more than happy to wait however long to find them, to learn how to not fuck up or be fucked up, how to not bottle up every feeling to exploding point, how to just be a better me, for myself and them. After the hurt I caused and received, it’s become really really obvious that this shit takes time, effort, growth, if you want it you better be willing to fight for it, and I wanna be, I do, and this post is to talk about it, those feelings, that LOL moment where I feel alone, like that someone for me isn’t here yet and I need them to be, but then again, why rush? If waiting means the right person comes along, why hurry?

Maybe it’s sort of an underline sad feeling, like I’m sad and lonely, hurry up future spouse. Or maybe my heart just aches, in a fucking cheesy way of saying things.

I dunno, but just read this when you need to learn something or if you’re just feeling like you need a pep talk and wanna feel like not a complete fail. I’m trash, but if you open the bag and root round, you’ll find a penny, something kinda worth the stench of year old milk

[moonshroooms]

Hey, let’s talk about the awesome kids I have as neighbors :D

So there are a few kids in my building who like to come over and play video games. Them, along with my friend/their older brother Tay, all roast each other and play video games on the weekends (though it has been sans Tay, since he’s off in the army for a while ; w ;). The kids still come over on occasion regardless. I tend to refer to them as “my kids,” to my friends. Most of these kids are siblings, except for two, who aren’t related to the other like, 5 or so, but are cousins to each other.

First up is

Nyla: She’s a cute little, six or so?, year old. For her age, she’s pretty good a smash bros, though obviously she’s not great, cuz she’s only six. She doesn’t come around as often anymore (mostly because I grew very tired of essentially babysitting. Smash isn’t quite as fun when one of your opponents has a hard time getting back on stage, and interrupts the FITE you’re trying to have with someone else, as well as getting pouty and crying when she loses a lot. Not fun at all). When she is here and plays though, we have realized she is not good enough to be an opponent (obviously), but dangerous enough to not be ignored (Little Mac is her favorite and that sucker hits hard). We call her the Stage Hazard.

 Next we have Young, about 10 or 11 or something like that. Young’s kind of a spazzy kid. And I feel like I might be making bad assumptions or something, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was autistic or something of that nature (keeping in mind that I don’t know, and it certainly doesn’t make a difference to me if he is, just something I’ve thought might be possible). I also have no idea what signs of autism are, nor do I know any common behaviors beyond the extremely stereotyped “bad social skills, likes trains” stereotype (which I’m sure is an incredibly over-generalization).

His social skills aren’t fantastic and he just kinda says random things sometimes? He’s a good kid though, but he’s certainly not good at playing nice with the other kids, y’know? But then, the other kids are also not very nice to him either (it’s kind of a back and forth thing. They’d be nicer if he was nicer, but he’s not, so then they’re meaner to him, and then he’s meaner back and just endless circle of boo). If he’s over by himself he’s perfectly content just playing Super Mario Bros. for wii (his favorite one. He always restarts it for some reason every time he picks it up again), and talking to himself. He gets real salty real fast is smash though, and him and his brother usually slap each other at least once when they’re playing smash. If he’s getting pouty it’s pretty easy to cheer him up by making him laugh (usually by way of threatening to tickle him). His other favorite game to play is Life is Strange, which obviously isn’t really the most appropriate game for a kid, but I didn’t feel like it was bad enough to say no. He really likes it, and it was interesting to sit and watch him think about what decisions to choose and why. He was pretty introspective with it tbh. He choose to have Chloe and Max kiss, and then acted like it was so scandalous, but he didn’t rewind and change it at all XD

At first I was 100% sure he only ever came over to play video games, but I have learned that he does indeed like me and think I’m nice. (At some point he made a grand exit to go play with some of his friends and he stopped at the door, turned to us and pointed at each one going “you suck, you suck, you suck,” *points at me* “you’re cool,” *points at last kid* “and you really suck, PEACE.” And just left XD Then again, one time he did promise me he’d beat me in smash over and over again so much that I’d get really mad and cry about it (to which I told him “kiddo, if you get good enough at smash that I lose multiple times in a row I will be the happiest person and super proud of you”). He seemed a bit confused and sad that I wasn’t gonna be salty about it XD One time his family went to Chuck-E-Cheese and he brought me back vampire teeth, like what a sweetheart?? I mean, they were too small for my adult teeth but I appreciate that he spent some tickets on me. Young’s favorite Smash characters are Cloud, Captain Falcon, and Ike (sometimes he picks up Little Mac).

 Next up is Leeniel (or LeeLee, as we call him. Also I have no idea how to spell his actual name): I think he’s maybe 12 or so? Lee’s actually not around very much. When he is here he’s usually quiet (though he does talk during the match and all that. We all gotta trash talk in this group). He likes to draw (in fact, for my birthday last month he drew me a very adorable picture of Toon Link, one of my smash mains. Like how sweet and awesome are my kids? I love them). I can’t really say much about Lee, other than he’s pretty cocky about his Smash Bros. skills (he’s better than Young, but still not better than Trell, who I’ll talk about in a bit). Lee’s favorite fighters are Link, Cloud, and Little Mac.

 Neeeext up is Solomon (or Solo, as we call him): Solo is a 16-year-old giraffe. Like I mean it, he’s fricking huge. He has to bend down to get through my doorway. I think he’s somewhere past 6”5, I believe? I don’t even know man. I do know that the best thing is when he comes by to visit after being gone a long while, he always picks me up. Being 5”2 and suddenly being hoisted way past your own height is great. Solomon is energetic, loud, funny, and a little immature. I know for a fact that he’s autistic, as his mother has randomly mentioned it to me (she was lamenting that it was hard for him to have friends his age, since he tends to be less mature than them). Solo doesn’t come around much, as he’s often living with his dad, and it seems he’s lost a lot of interest in smash. He’s tried to get me to buy Pokken Tournament, but like, I played it and it’s pretty meh? It’s okay, I just like Smash better (probably cuz I already put in the work for that one and I’m pretty good at it. I ain’t wanna start at ground zero again). I worry that if I buy it the other kids won’t play it with me as much (though they are children, if we’re being honest: if you build it, they will come, if I buy it, they will play lol). Solo I know for a fact hates Undertale, though he hasn’t played it for himself. It’s just the Undertale explosion he hates I figure, so sad, cuz it really is a great game that should be at least tried out once. He did surprise me by spotting my Journey game was like “muthafucker that game is beautiful.” XD So he’s got a short attention span and is pretty immature, but loves Journey. It’s fantastic honestly. Solo was actually the person who inspired me and Trell to get really good at the game, cuz we were on top until Solo came along and we realized “wait we actually have no idea how the FAKC to play this game.” I can proudly say I am now smash queen and Trell and Solo are about par with each other. Solo’s favorite characters are Little Mac and Samus (but mostly Little Mac).

 Next is Charni (Shar-nay), who I love and call her my Protégé. I think she’s around Young’s age, maybe a couple months older. I first met her when I was at Solomon’s house (another kid I’ll bring up in a sec). She’s his little cousin, I believe, and she was kinda shy and bored. I plopped down next to her and started showing her how to play Smash so she could play with us. She had quite the steep learning curve since none of the other kids would go easy on her for being new, but I made sure to praise her when she got a good hit, and show her what to do so she wouldn’t get discouraged. I’m proud to say she quickly adored smash and is a regular part of our game weekends when she’s in town :D She’s at about an equal level with Young (not surprising, since they’re the same age), though she tends to play a bit smarter than he does and is less predictable.

I made it my mission to try and make sure she ended up liking nerd things, and I’m happy to say it ended up that she did XD She’s reading some Legend of Zelda manga last time I saw her, and she knows a little about Undertale from some fan things, though she’s never actually played the game? I tried to get her to play it, but she got bored, so meh. She likes Steven Universe and Gravity Falls too! I let her wear my Dipper hat whenever she sees it. Sometimes I’ll come home from work or school and she’ll just be there, chillin’ with my mom and watching an old black and white movie. I’ll usually have to put my foot down like “hell naw it’s a weekday I ain’t dealing with you snots come back Friday.” It’s pretty obvious she looks up to me a lot, and gets really happy when I praise her. Sometimes the boys pick on her (like saying she’s fat in a derogatory manor or saying she sucks at the game. She’s not fantastic at Smash obviously, she’s still just a kid, but she’s certainly not as bad as they make her seem. And she’s not fat at all really? She’s not basically bones like I am, but she doesn’t look like she has serious weight on her? She’s like, 120lb or something and quite a few inches taller than me. Not ThaT theRE’S a pROoBlem if shE WaSS, just she’s really not fat, and I don’t like the other kids to be using the word fat in a derogatory manner. Body shaming is not okay in my house).

I love her hair to, it’s fantastic. I believe she’s black and Hawaiian, and my god that Polynesian wavy hair is so fantastic I wish it was mine. I’ve gotten her to play Breath of the Wild, Mario Odyssey, and Phantom Hourglass (not that it took much convincing, lol), and she’s pretty good at them honestly! :D Sometimes she doesn’t want to play games though and she’ll just plop next to me while I’m on my computer and read funny Tumblr posts or webcomics with me, she’s adorbs. She’s a tough cookie, and she can get salty about Smash sometimes, but she’s usually a pretty good sport. Sometimes when it’s just us practicing, she’ll tell me to go at her 100%, and then quickly start yelling for me to stop when I do XD. For my birthday she made like, typography of Link’s name and colored it. So sweet. Her favorite fighters are Corrin, Dark Pit, and recently her brawler Mii that she made.

 Next up is my favorite child (but don’t tell the others) Latrell (or just Trell): Trell’s a fantastic kid honestly. I think he’s like, 13/14 or so? I always say he’s 12 though, just cuz it ticks him off. Trell is easily my biggest rival in smash, as we’re just about at the same level (though I’m still reigning champ). He tells me that I’m a sore winner (I mean, I celebrate when I win, but it’s not like I jump up and dance and sing about what a loser everyone is. So that’s the salt talking ;3), but then he’s actually a sore winner/loser. If he loses enough time he’ll start trying to slap me or get pouty enough to need a break, and if he wins (or god forbid starts winning a few times in a row), he’ll start rubbing it in my face. And when I lose I tend to laugh and be like ‘dangnabit that suck, next time I got this’, but obviously losing starts to suck when some little twerp starts acting like he’s hot shit cuz he won the last 4 rounds and cuts you off with proclamations about what a loser you are – like, not even in a joking way either XD At some point I had to stop playing against him one day cuz he was getting really mean about me winning. Like, tone it down child we’re all friends here.

Most of the time he’s a great kid, though like most children he’ll have his moments. He likes to help me cook and bake and likes to sing. One of my favorite things is that I think he sort of came out to me last month or so, but in like the lamest way possible. Keeping in mind I knew he wasn’t straight (I figured he was either gay or bisexual, but I wasn’t sure), waaaaaaay long time ago. Like, I think before he knew kind of a thing? There were obvious stereotypical signs, but I don’t really like to assume, so I figured until I had confirmation that he did like boys or girls or both, I’d just use gender-neutral terms and stuff. He likes a lot of musicals, celebrity gossip, RuPal’s Drag Race, y’know the totally-not-stereotypical interests of gay culture – it’s really a miracle I picked up on it at all it was so subtle. He’d also made mention to several boys being cute, or that a few of his male classmates had a crush on him (or vice versa), so I knew he was interested in boys at least. Girls were yet to be seen (though I knew he’d had a girlfriend or something in the past, but I didn’t know if it was because he was interested in both, or if it was a ‘I didn’t know I was interested in boys, so I had a girlfriend’, kind of thing).

There was this one conversation that I still look back on and laugh. He was talking about his crush, and that he was worried about them cuz they were getting wisdom teeth pulled out and (since I work part time at an oral surgeon’s place), I just said “wisdom teeth? Oh he’ll be fine calm down.”

And he looks at me all mock-offended and goes “Did you just assume my crush’s gender??”

“That depends – was I right?”

“Listen that’s not the point here”

Anyways I official learned he was bisexual when he made me watch a movie called GBF (Gay Best Friend, which, I don’t know if this movie is revolutionary in the gay community or anything, but I’m sorry it’s an awful fucking movie. This kid gets forcefully outed by some app, and then the popular girls were all clamoring to get him to be their best friend, because a gay best friend was the hot new commodity they just had to have like he’s a new fricking purse for them to customize so they could win their petty popular girl war. And then there was like, a prom war/prom sabotage thing? Either way it’s a dumb-ass movie. Also waaaaaay too inappropriate for this 13/14 year old to have watched? Like, in one scene a Mormon dude in it was being all bi-curious and 100% starts trying to rub off our Main Character in a truck, and another scene of one of the popular girls is like dry humping one of the dude characters in a bed and like omg I wasn’t expecting it to get that inappropriate + my mom walked in right at the truck scene and I died inside. Like you are too young for this go watch some Duck Tales fool what are you doing).

Anyways, at the end of the movie he just goes “guess I already got you you’re GBF, haha lloloeeleolol :D ;D XDDD.”

And I just gave him this fed-up look like “did you just come out to me with the worst movie I’ve ever seen??? Even though I clearly already knew?????”

“Yes. Also it’s actually BBF.”

And I was just like “Trell you’re hilarious and everything, but if you ever show me a movie as bad as GBF ever again I will punch you in the throat.” And then I shoved him off the couch.

Since the GBF movie I swear he’s been making 10x more LBGT jokes. We have a tube of muscle relaxer or whatever called Bengay, and anytime he happens to see it he’ll pick it up and loudly announce “heh, yeah, I’ve been-gay before lelel” which usually ends up with my snatching the Bengay and launching it across the room.

And he’s like, 14, so I wouldn’t be surprised if his sexuality changed at all in the future, but for now at least he’s stated he’s bisexual. Either way, he’s the sweetest and funniest kid, and I do my best to know he’s more than accepted in my home.

Anyways, Trell is absolute incapable of playing single player games. I tried to get him to play Mario Odyssey and he got as far as pressing the jump button before he melted off the couch and complained that it was torture. He loves to challenge me to Pikmin, but won’t play the single player campaign (I got him to play like, halfway through the first level and that’s it). His favorite characters in smash are aaaaaall of them. He’s more of an all-arounder for the characters, and sometimes he’ll switch and have a new main for a while. Sometimes he’ll get butthurt about being beaten by Pikachu and Toon Link, cuz he says they were his mains first and he only stopped cuz I used them (which for some reason all the kids feel like they need to ask me to use Pikachu or Toon Link, and I have NO IDEA why. Like the fuck use whoever you want it’s a fricken game I don’t own them). The characters he goes back to most though are: Peach, Zero Suit Samus, and Villager (usually the girl skins).

And while he’s not child, why don’t I bring up the older bro Tay: Tay is really bad at smash but he keeps on trying and I’m proud of him XD His favorite characters are Samus and Ganondorf.

Aaaaand that’s all I wanted to say bye