#I hope they can heal financially soon enough

[disizhiyu]

Going through Instagram where I follow some of the accounts I interacted with for my wedding preparations last year made me wish I've done things differently, but I'm sure God knows better. If he didn't stop me then, I might've realize I wasn't ready for such level of financial commitments. However, the desire to have a dreamy wedding is still there. It's a shame that advertisements got the best of me.

[multidimensionalguidance]

What’s coming towards you? PAC

Choose a picture intuitively or the one that you like the most for a tarot message of what might be heading your way soon!

What I’ll cover in these readings:

• What people and/or situations might be heading your way

• Advice/suggestions on how to deal with it

Enjoy!

Pile 1: ace of pentacles, six of wands, and judgement

Major revelations, self-evaluation, and awakenings are heading straight your way. You will be showered with energies that will allow you to have a re-birth, as if your mood has been restored, and the weather is no longer dark clouds all around you. You will be receiving opportunities that will allow your finances or savings to start improving. It might come in the form of a new job, business or investment. At first you might start small or slowly, but surely once your confident and positiveness picks up, you will start getting the taste of victory and success. As small as the opportunity might seem at first, it will allow you to pick up pace and enter a period of complete transformation. You will have meaningful changes that will have you looking back within 6 months and thinking "How did this even happen?". Well, truth is that your own efforts will take you there.

If you've been feeling in a rut financially, just know that those money manifestations or rituals you might have been doing are definitely working. Do not overlook the protentional of this upcoming opportunity, as it might not initially seem like a big deal, but you will definitely reap rewards, recognition, and confidence in yourself. It doesn't matter if it doesn't allow you to achieve long time financial security, the importance lies in how your energy will be transformed afterwards. There's times where all we need is a little push to remind ourselves how deserving of good things and capable of positive transformations we are. Trust yourself and know that the changes that will occuring around you are only pushing you towards the right path. Just remember to stay grounded and not get too cocky or arrogant, as this could cause you more trouble than anything.

Pile 2: the star, ace of cups, and the hierophant

Get ready to receive waves of creativity and inspiration your way. There will be an energy of hope, healing, and serenity in your life coming soon. You will find yourself opening up to the possibilities of new romance, celebrations, and socializing. There will be a contagious feeling of joy and happiness that you will find hard avoiding and/or sharing with others. All of this will lead you towards experiencing relationships that could be set in a strong foundation, or if you're in a relationship there's a good possibility for further commitment to occur. You might also feel interested towards traditional healing methods, and if you do pursue it, there will be an increase in your spirituality and creativity as well. Allow yourself to have genuine faith in the universe and your own abilities to connect with your own intuition. You have plenty of emotional intelligence too, so trust in that no matter the situation, you will be able to handle it in the best way possible. An Aquarius or Taurus with some water in the mix (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) might be wanting to make a serious romantic proposal, so keep an eye on that as well.

The Fool jumped out as well, so I allowed it as an extra card for your reading. This card makes an even bigger emphasis on how you'll be giddy and ready to take that leap of faith that will open doors to obtaining more freedom, adventure, and traveling. The only caution is to make sure you look down before taking that leap, as the fool within its innocence might not consider or plan well enough before making a decision. Stay grounded to avoid idealizing any situation and acting in a somewhat careless manner, specially with all the abundance of joy you'll be feeling. Lay your plans out or share your ideas with someone who is perhaps older and you can trust. If not, then an individual with some good amount of spiritual knowledge to guide you a bit or give the green light. All and all, you will be experiencing good times!

Pile 3: the empress, queen of wands, and page of wands

This reading is giving "I know I'm that b*tch and so does everyone else too!". You will be receiving a really strong and abundant feminine energy your way. Megan Thee Stallion is calling, she wants you to give her the "summer queen" crown back! As soon as I saw this layout I could just tell that soon you'll be feeling unstoppable and fierce. As if there's nothing that you can't manifest and everything just seems to go your way. There will be an increase in your beauty, creativity, and sensuality. Anyone and anything that crosses your path will feel a strong, passionate, sexy, confident, and a bit of a chaotic energy coming from you. All of this could easily lead you to engaging into certain smexy activities, so be extra careful in the upcoming weeks/months if you're not looking forward to a surprise 9 months later. If you are, then fertility will be high and your desires to experience motherhood will be very likely. You will be attracting potential suitors, and all of that could get your mind clouded as to who/where you should be pouring all that energy into. Good news will surely come your way, and you will take on them with a lot of optimism as well. Avoid rushing into anything without getting a good word of advice from someone who's very grounded, because like I said before, you will not only want to burst through doors, but take down the whole wall as well.

You could also meet someone with a lot fire sign energy (Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius) that is definitely younger than you, be it romantic partner or friend. They might be the one carrying all the characteristics mentioned above as well, and end up encouraging you to take on it as well. Expect to have a lot of wild fun with them that will surely leave positive memories, again, just be careful not to do TOO much. Anything and everything in excess is not good, yes, even baddies need to have limits. This will be a very good time to direct all this vibrant feminine energy (regardless of gender) towards creative pursuits because it will make you stand out, attract even more abundance, and good news. If these past months were bleak, then the upcoming weeks/months will make you forget all together of any negative experiences previously encountered.

Pile 4: five of cups, the lovers, and five of pentacles

There's definitely a situation that will be causing you to experience some heavy feelings in the upcoming weeks/months. This could be something you expect or perhaps not at all. A breakup or disconnection from a romantic relationship (official or not) will definitely occur, and I know, this is not what you or anyone would like to read or hear, but if you've been looking for any sort of confirmation then this is the one. It could also be a breakup with a very close friend as well, since the lovers is not just romance, but close partnerships in general. They might have Gemini, Scorpio, or Taurus placements. When situations like these occur, it is normal to experience a big emotional unload. Feelings of sadness, grief, loss, guilt, anger, remorse, and being left out are 100% normal. This is part of the normal human experience, as not everything can be rainbows and sunshine. You need to allow yourself to process all of these emotions with no shame or blame, even if all you might want to do is avoiding them. Ensure that you stick close to your support system and don't feel embarrassed to pour your heart out with them, just trust that this will make the load feel a bit less heavy. Avoid complete isolation, even if this is the only thing you'll want to do. Some battles you must face alone at times, and some others with the help of others. The turmoil will be emotional and financial, hence why you have to ensure that those close to you can step in to aid you.

From experience, I can tell you it is never easy to let go of someone who you bonded really closely to, but clutching tightly into broken pieces will only create more cuts and add further to the pain. You are not your emotions, but the individual who experiences them. Respect the timing that it will take you to overcome this situation, so don't try to speed up or slow down the process. Trust that everything the universe takes from you in the present moment is truly for the best, even if it doesn't make sense to you right now. Both the five of cups and five of pentacles depict a light at the end of the tunnel that we might not be focusing on. Emotionally you'll be feeling low, and this will make you unaware of the doors that are opening right in front of you or all the other good things that are still occuring around you. Financially, you'll be experiencing difficulties but it will only be temporary for help might be right around the corner. You are worthy of joy and good things, even when you're on your lowest. Do not engage into negative self talk or destructive habits (excessive drinking, etc) as this will only harm you further. Feel your feelings and then objectively think of the role you had during the relationship as well. Its not about looking where to put all the blame, but knowing exactly what burdens you should definitely not carry with you.

If for whatever reason this is not about your close relationships, then it might just be a big decision that occurs and leaves you feeling the way I mentioned above. Remember, these cards (five of cups and pentacles) are minor cards, which means that the pain and hardship are temporary. Like Kelly Clarkson said, what doesn't kill makes you stronger! You got this.

DM FOR PERSONAL READINGS 🌸

[galene-gothic]

𝖧𝗈𝗐 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿?

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱

Let's look at what your best self looks like first, your best self is selectively honest. They don't tell others what they want next. They evaluate themself and are self critical to a certain extent. They are sort of self absorbed. They understand that ignorance is bliss and know how to ignore things or people when need be. They are especially really good at ignoring people that they can't have or people from the past. They are still quite fearless though. They understand that it's better to be attacked than ignored. They meditate often and know how to relax. They need and prioritise peace, and their actions align with that. They never bite more than they can chew, they know how to step away from situations that they cannot handle. They try to stay away from conflict and choose themself first no matter what. They know how to become the bigger person. They take care of themself, self reflect and know how to heal properly. They know how to not make rash decisions. They're wise and detached. They've surrendered, they know that if they cannot control it, there's no use worrying and if they can control it, it's better to do so rather than worry. They've released old beliefs and patterns. They have a faith that things will work out, be it faith in themself, faith in god, faith in life or faith in the universe. They're mindful, intentional and know how to let go. They know how to grow, they're also successful. They believe that the pain of discipline is better than the pain of regret. They're quite passive and know how to let life happen for them, they're still someone who takes necessary action though. So, how do you become them? You need a rest, not gonna lie.

Some of you might be drained out to the point where you cannot focus in school or on work. You need to address your self esteem issues. Supposing, you are really self conscious when it comes to performing, you always feel like your body won't look good if you put too much energy so you end up putting less energy in but when you do so, you feel disappointed at yourself for not doing well. In that case, you should try to improve your dance skills. You're someone who has an understanding that being pretty doesn't do enough for you, it's the same with being rich, and the way you are as a person and the way you present yourself are all very important to you. I think it's important for you to build certain skills to a point where you can be really proud, it'll significantly boost your self esteem which will in turn help you for the better. It requires consistency though, don't be lazy !! You need to release negative thoughts, feelings, habits and patterns. You might have gotten really comfortable with your pain, it's important to heal. Your deepest traumas are either already surfacing/resurfacing or will soon, that's when it'll be the easiest to change. You need to stop stressing like just know that "what happens, happens." You need to face life and have a total break down first. You should withdraw from stuff. You'll go through something very humbling, you'll be left feeling really put down. You'll not even have it in yourself to look strong anymore, you'll be exposing weakness because you'll just not have the strength to conceal it. You'll have to accept defeat first and things will get better soon. You'll have to have a lot of anger, pain, shame, guilt and regrets in order to completely change your life, all the best, it'll probably come in soon.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱

Let's look at what your best self looks like, your best self has unlimited potential and sees it. Your best self has freedom in some sense, be it financial or something else. Your best self is someone who had to let go of who they were in order to become who they're meant to be. Your best self has a carefree attitude. I just heard 'be yourself'. When I say this, some of you might think that you're doing it already but if you think about it properly you'll notice that you tend to either act childlike even though you're very mature, dumb even though you're very smart, don't express your values as articulately as you think about them, etc. Some of you could be really good at written expression of your thoughts, ideas and feelings but when it comes to talking, you're not the best. Your best self is not scared of being unique. Your best self takes risks because they understand that most of the times not taking a risk is the biggest risk. Your best self has a thirst for life and is passionate. You might be really passionate as a person (most of you seem to have that side of you diminished though). Your best self has fun regardless of what others say. One quality that you already have is your ability to analyse yourself, you are not the type to avoid accountability and blaming external factors for every little thing. You have some sort of an inner guidance, your mindset gives you the capacity to be completely alone if necessary. I feel like a deep part of you desires or used to desire solitude, peace and spiritual enlightenment. Most of you have started your spiritual journey already, some of you haven't though. It doesn't have to be something too deep like 'light candles every full moon, meditate every morning, light sage and incenses often' but instead that you feel like everything that happened was for a reason or even if it feels like it wasn't.

You learn and make something out of it, you know how to live life and try to grow as a person, and have faith (be it in the universe or in yourself). You might be quite philosophical too. You have a lot of wisdom, people who are slightly older than you and see you for who you are might say things like "you're so mature for your age". Ofcourse, there are some things that you'll have to get rid of in order to become your best self, I feel like most of you have mostly/only had short term unstable relationship/s which have caused you to have a lot of baggage. You could have poor health (I heard a poor immune system, bad sleep schedule and poor gut health). You might also be financially dependent on someone else or just not be financially stable, it's causing you to not be able to gain certain skills or knowledge, etc. Even if you do not notice it, you have a tendency of getting stuck in your head often. You lack spontaneity and need mental stimulation/challenges/someone who seems to be equally as intelligent as you so you could have been stuck in toxic friendships/relationships with people who think that and act like they know everything. You're a very fair person, so being with people who don't share the same values or reasoning as you will be frustrating, I'd advise you to not interact with such people to the point of forming am emotional attachment. You'll have to find a source of motivation or something that just reignites the passion in you. Stop being lazy, simply just planning isn't going to get you anywhere. You need to find a new purpose basically. Focus on a purpose, money, drive and having fun. It's important to learn how to be true to yourself and not get easily influenced. You should go out and have some fun too. All the best, I'm rooting for you but you need to be rooting for yourself ten times harder.

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱

Your best self holds pure intentions towards others and has a good nature. Your best self is also very attractive and follows their heart. They're driven and have a great imagination. They romanticise life and are in love with love. They listen to their intuition and take action towards their goals with a hope in their heart. They have a creative hobby that they might have suppressed that they choose to enhance. They're charming and friendly with people. One thing that I'm getting is that they're someone who everyone has a crush on to a certain extent. They receive a lot of jealousy and envy from others. They don't let anger get the best of them. They think calmly and orderly. They accept different beliefs and paths. They could be someone who's tired though, like really tired physically (they could do a lot). They're accepting of other people's differences. They find solutions to issues instead of going around blaming others. They prioritise peace and don't lose sight of the path. You need to face yourself instead of quick fixing issues that lead to long term detriment. If you're having fights, etc. the moment you forgive them (whether it is at their face or by yourself, without letting them know, that's up to you) and resolve conflicts (including your inner conflicts), you'll start developing into your best self. You have convinced yourself that you have certain beliefs that don't align with you and you need to get rid of them. You're not seeing the brighter side of life and that's hindering you from becoming your best self too.

I feel like what's led to this mild-extreme pessimism is your over optimism in the past. A happy and exciting event seems to have turned wrong. It's going to take you a lot of work to become your best self. You'll have to take up a lot of responsibilities and be really loaded with things to do if you want to become your best self. You'll have to be serious about life and will be stressed quite often. I just heard 'too busy to even eat'. There are excessive requirements and conditions for you to become the best version of yourself. You'll have to put yourself through intense pressure. You'll have to take up a lot of responsibilities too though, try to improve your own character alongside working on building something for yourself. It'll be really easy to burn out though because of how much you'll be doing. You need to mean how to not commit easily to others. You need to challenge others instead of just letting them into your life. Your best self follows their heart but is not easy to get. You need to become hard to get and easy to lose. You need to learn how to make quick decisions and take quick actions. It's important for you to be on a dedicated mission to succeed. Discipline yourself and build confidence. Build so much confidence that when someone you love does you wrong, you know that you can just let go, and find better people and treatment. Become self assured. It's important for you to just go for the things that you want. If you try, you'll get there little by little, all the best.

[britany1997]

Fate Yields For No One

Chapter one

Sorry to make y’all wait so long! I hope this chapter is worth it:) (don’t worry y’all, the boys will make an appearance very soon😏) let me know if you want me to add you to this Taglist or to my main Taglist in the comments!

Reblog to support my writing💕

Poly Lost boys x Max’s daughter reader

Prologue

New York, 1986

“what if I told you that I could do more than heal you? What if I could restore your life and then some? Would you want that?”

“I’m not ready to die, I’m so scared. Please don’t let me die, not like this.”

“I am truly sorry that there isn’t enough time to do this the gentle way, I hope you can forgive me.”

Sharp fangs sinking into your neck always jostled you from your reoccurring nightmare. You sighed as you surveyed the sweat covered sheets surrounding you, running a hand through your hair as you fought to banish your fear.

After that awful night in the alley where Max has found you, you’d ran as far as you could, trading the west coast for the east. But no matter how fast you ran, you couldn’t escape your own mind.

Your life as a human was long gone, but the memories populated your nightmares. They reminded you that no matter how different you were now, how strong, you would always be that pitiful girl who’d almost died, alone and unloved.

Whatever you were now could never erase the fact that you used to be nothing to this world.

You slunk out of bed and sauntered to your balcony, taking in the breathtaking sight of New York City when night fell.

Your hands gripped the railing as your eyes scanned the bright lights, the racing cars, and the bustling crowds. You breathed in deeply, taking in your last view from the balcony before you had to flee your apartment and search for a new one, attached to a new sucker for you to use.

As much as you loathed it, your vampirism allowed you to take revenge on the cruel and wealthy in ways you’d never been able to before.

While other vampires went straight in for the kill, you preferred to play with your food. You didn’t just want to feed on random humans, you wanted the ones you chose to suffer.

You preyed on the titans of Wall Street, the trust fund babies, the old money bastards and all the other men who would have stepped over your corpse in the gutter.

You were beautiful and you knew it. It was never a struggle to ensnare them. You hung around at the fanciest restaurants in the upper east side, and the classiest bars in the financial district. Hunting was pointless, the men came to you.

You spent a few weeks stroking their egos, among other things, and they gave you anything you wanted. The money, the power, the influence they had became yours just as much as it was theirs.

They allowed you into their homes and their hearts. When you were sure that they trusted you, that they loved you, you dropped the mask and showed them who you really were, teeth and all.

Maybe you should feel bad for using them and draining them, and some part of you did feel a small pang of guilt every time the life drained from their terrified eyes.

But you had walked with them at night as they ignored the starving people that lined the streets of the city. They refused to offer even a cent of their “hard-earned” money.

When your eyes welled with tears at the downtrodden state of those around you, they wouldn’t dry your tears. Instead, the rich men would tell you that those stranded on street corners had earned their place in life.

“How will they learn?” they’d ask you. “We can’t just give people money,” they’d patronize you, “this is America! Anyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps nowadays.”

They’d assure you that they helped them more by not sharing a minuscule amount of their vast wealth. The homeless were a plague on the city, they’d insist. Didn’t you want them to help themselves?

So the men you killed, their deaths didn’t bother you much.

You shivered as you replayed their screams over and over again in your head. They called you a murderer, a monster, and maybe you were.

But so were they. You’d killed over and over, but every person on a street-corner they’d all but spit on, every dollar they’d hoarded that could have saved your family all those years ago, they were murderers too, they were more monster then you could ever be.

You were pulled from your thoughts by a firm knocking at your door.

Your blood ran cold. You knew it’d been a risk to feed on those humans that society had deemed to be the elite and important. But you hadn’t realized your actions would catch up with you this quickly.

You didn’t want to slaughter a hoard of police officers, but you’d do what you had to to keep your freedom. You cautiously unlatched the door and pulled it open.

Though you’d expected to be met with the business end of many pistols, the sight before you was much, much worse.

Wrapped in a taupe suit with not a visible wrinkle, glasses perched on his nose, the vision of the man you’d met in the alley all those years ago stood before you, a frown etched onto his face.

You gasped, moving to slam the door on him, but before you could he wedged his foot in, holding the entrance open and pushing past you.

You hadn’t felt so small and weak since you were human. Max had a way of doing that to you.

“Hello daughter,” he uttered nonchalantly as his eyes took in the sight of your stolen apartment.

You clenched and unclenched your fists, struggling to keep your anger at bay. “You’re not my father,” you spit, “not even close. I had a father remember? Because of you I’ll never see him again.”

Max rolled his eyes, “foolish girl,” he stated, “when are you going to realize that this is the only eternity there is.”

He scoffed, “you are too old to be dwelling on fairytales of an afterlife anymore. Your family is gone, it’s been years, get over it.”

You fought back tears as he ridiculed the love for your family you still clung too. Your hand raised to slap him, but he caught it before you could.

“Ungrateful child,” he said through gritted teeth, “you embarrass me and you squander the gift you have been given.”

You snatched your hand from his grasp and rubbed your risk. “I never asked for this,” you reminded him, “you said you’d save my life, but I died in every way that matters, you lied.”

Max rolled his eyes once more, “I tire of your melodrama little girl. I’ve come to bring you home.”

It was your turn to scoff. “Home?” you laughed, humorlessly, “I have no home in California anymore. My home is here now.”

Max smirked, “which home?” he asked, “as I understand it you’ve become the little ‘black widow Robin Hood’ of the upper east side. You’ve had many many homes these past few years, but they’re not really yours, are they?” He raised an eyebrow.

You crossed your arms as your gaze fell. You hated that he was right.

“I’m not going with you,” you whispered.

He hummed, “you seem to be under the mistaken impression you have any choice in this matter.”

He placed his finger on your chin and tilted your head up, “I am your sire. You will obey me.” he commanded.

“I made you what you are, and I can destroy you just as easily.”

You cringed.

“You either come back with me, or you can return to the gutter,” his hand moved from your chin to wrap around your jaw, squeezing tightly, “but if you choose the gutter, I’ll ensure it is your final destination.”

You boiled with rage but you knew Max was right. He was older than you and much stronger. As your sire you were tired to him, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to fight his thrall.

He stole your mortality, your happiness, and he’d come back to steal your freedom too.

Yet you found yourself gathering your things to leave with him. You hated him, but god, you hated yourself too.

Max flicked the light in the apartment before grabbing your arm and leading you out the door.

He sighed, “I know you resent me now, but I’m only doing what’s best for you. I take care of my children, and I hope that in time you can learn to see me as your father.” he spoke in a rare moment of softness.

You took in his words silently, offering no reply, but sure of the fact that you would never see him as anything other than the man who’d doomed you to an eternity of emptiness and pain.

FYFN Taglist❤️:

(Some accounts it wouldn’t let me tag😭 idk what the deal is)

@6lostgirl6 @peachpixiesstuff @ghoulgeousimmaculate @bloodywickedvamp @sidefanficaccounttohidemyshame @paulxbathbomd @anna1306 @its-freaking-bats @dwaynesluscioushair @feardot-com @solobagginses @pixielostboy @ria-coolgirl @vampirefilmlover @flower-crowned-lady @misslavenderlady @lostboys1987girl @warrior-616 @consuming-karma @moonbeam1987 @softchonk @besas-stuff @people-are-strange-87 @simplyreading96 @simpingforthe80s @mad-is-sad @smut-religiously777 @welcome-to-the-hole @vxarak @itsyoboysparkel @billyhargrovedemoness1987 @faefairi3 @jamie-poopoo

[allura-haunting]

Hiii, you said you wanted to get back into writing and wanted some things, so here you go!

Please, please, please, please, literally anything with Ben Drowned or Helen Otis. They're my baby boys and I NEED to hear literally anything about them. It can be one shots, headcanons, I literally just want content for my boys!!!

Additionally, if you wouldn't mind I would LOOOOVE something about Nina the killer. Beautiful girl doesn't get nearly enough attention!!

Thanks!!! Have a good day or night and remember to drink water!<3

Hello!! I apologise in advance, this is quite a short list of head-canons. Hopefully in the future I’ll make something longer 🙏

Helen Otis

Undiagnosed autism. Overheard his parents talking about it shortly before his killing spree. Told a doctor about it, but nothing seemed to come of it and he never said anything again.

American / Polish, (parents moved to America before he was born) but doesn’t speak much polish due to the fact that his parents didn’t teach him.

Like most of the creeps, he steals clothes from victims. He tends to go for more simple clothing (plain tshirts, simple blazers and jeans. Not many bright colours or patterns)

He also tends to wear necklaces, (again, very simple ones.) although he keeps them hidden beneath his clothing when wearing them.

Nina the Killer

Her obsessiveness goes beyond people. She will listen to the same songs on repeat, watch shows and movies over and over, and makes unwise financial decisions buying stuff related to her obsessions.

Has a lack of spatial awareness, causing her to often bump into furniture and doorframes and drop objects

Nina’s mouth wounds are more healed then Jeff’s (mostly because she actually does wound aftercare) but she’ll cut it back open when she gets back to a low point in her mental stability

Again, like most of the creeps, still clothes from victims. She tends to go for the more bright, flashy clothing, with fun patterns and shapes. She also does a lot of diy, cutting up the clothing and sewing them together. A lot of these seeing jobs are quite messy, and although she’s gotten better at it with time, the lack of proper sewing equipment and her tendency to drop stuff, the end results can be quite messy (although still wearable)

Currently don’t have anything for Ben, but again I hope to write more soon ❤️

[darlingdollhousevn]

Helloo, hope your doing well😄😄 could we have more lore about Lowell, pretty please 🥹 i feel like it’s been a while since hearing from the blog (ofc if not then i still hope you have a great day😁😁)

You sure can !! I miss my og blorbo and I'm always so happy to get a chance to talk about lore!

Lowell went to culinary school but ended up having to drop out in the last couple of months due to medical and financial complications- he hates his current job and believes he is overqualified and deserves to work in a much more elevated environment

He has a younger sister that he's kept tabs on over the years, but he hasn't had contact with his family in a long time.

Lowell learned to sew from his mother, who was a seamstress while he was growing up in Massachusetts.

His very first ever collection was frog statues, the kind you'd find in a garden store. They all had names, personalities, and intricate backstories. He kept notes on them in a Lisa Frank notebook, and would rearrange their positions in his room frequently.

He's not a natural redhead!

Lowell was a smoker for a very long time, and while he no longer chainsmokes, he'll still light up a cigarette if he's particularly exhausted, stressed, or needs a little treat.

He can't swim :(

He has pretty poor wound healing, and he scars and bruises really easily.

He met you first through your job! MC will have a position in an art store and he saw you while looking for a specialty fabric dye.

He has killed people before.

Lowell would love a wax museum date!

He's already got all your measurements :) it won't stop him from taking them again when he gets you alone though. He finds it kind of romantic!

He will get mad if you touch/break a lot of his stuff- he's very protective of his collections and has object hyperempathy. it can be genuinely painful to him when things break, go missing, or are touched/displayed "wrong".

His favorite food is soup.

On top of being an insomniac he doesn't really like sleeping in beds- when he sleeps it's usually on the couch or floor or something.

His favorite thing to knit is shawls! He does some pretty interesting things with them, sometimes with intricate lace, beading, colorwork, or other details.

He has a secret petplay kink (recieving). He would deny it to the ends of the earth but being called kitten gives him an instant boner. Extremely unlikely to allow himself to actually submit but he MIGHT be a mean kitty dom, if you convince him hard enough :3c he'd be on high alert to make sure he doesn't end up in subspace though.

He had an intense scene phase. Full on raccoon stripes, under eye liner, hot topic cash carrying, get scared listening ass emo. Still has his well loved busted up ipod nano from when he initially got really into the subculture.

His first crush was on Brent Spiner. Quickly followed by Tilda Swinton.

Has a washi tape collection but has never actually used any of the tape.

He owns a pair of The Chanel Boots™️

Hopefully this is enough to keep yall fed a moment ;-; sorry this project has taken a lapse BUT I'm putting together something to introduce the five whole other characters that will be included in this game, and my schedule just got cleared for a few more days a week so hopefully I'll have some more stuff for you guys soon!

[sullustangin]

SWTOR 7.3 Feedback

Non-spoilery stuff first

No technical glitches that I experienced on two playthroughs on Pubside.  Minus one or two moments with Odessen NPCs wandering around, nothing broke the game or immersion.  All the quests worked for credit; I had the weekly for Ruhnuk not work the time round, so this was nice. 

I am aware that there are some financial changes they’re trying to patch back.  Basically, too much is being charged between trades with other players directly and when mailing to alts.  Also!  There is now a 30-day cooldown period between joining a guild and being able to access the guild bank. So get those alts in sooner rather than later, especially if you plan on raiding/doing group stuff with them.

On the Gunslingers and Snipers you now have a 2% per 3 seconds passive heal while in cover  -- level 64 option.  This is a big deal for survivability for these two classes.  I ran dailies and set my companion to DPS.  I had to pause and heal the comp after combat, not myself.   No more glass cannon, but this might be nerfed soon, since it’s a little op.  I’m going to have fun with it while I can.

If you love the Mantellian Privateer or Mira’s Armor from KOTOR II but can’t afford either on Cartel Market, good news:  the Mira set from Bounty Association (the event that comes around every 1-2 months) is now unlockable in collections.  So if you have a Mando char that goes hard on Bounty week, you now have a new cert sink + unlock with Cartel Points for the whole account.  There are some subtle differences in the outfits for the discerning Space Barbie player.

The Date Nights don’t happen in this patch; I would guess it will probably be activated during Night Life in July. Speculation on my part, though

Non-Spoilery Plot Stuff:  A lot of characters that we had the previous option to kill are present in this patch.  This really gives me hope for future content; I previously complained that Bioware was writing to the deadest version of the game (where they assume everyone is dead and only work with Lana).  We got A LOT of coverage with ‘optional’ characters, so this does give me hope for the future writing: assume everyone is alive, and some people get less content.  I’ll talk about what that means later for this patch.

Onward to spoilery stuff.

Torian does get an Alliance alert, which his ba’vodu Eva answered; this is unromanced I feel good about the Torian piece I just reblogged, because it seems consistent with what we see here.  Torian thought the drama over his father was over, the shame was done, the name redeemed -- and there is all is, resurrected from the dead.  Even more content with our neighborhood Mando really does make me want equivalent content with Vette; given that (shitty) decision was almost 7 years ago now and we JUST got a storyline with payoff for that choice, Vette needs some love now, romantic or platonic, beyond Date Night. 

The only downside to letting Torian live at the moment, especially if you’re a smug or bh, is that you lose quality screen time with Akaavi Spar on Ruhnuk. She comes to your rescue in the final fight.  I also feel as if this scene should have been back with the 6.2 content drop, when the banner is first stolen, but it does work here as well, with the burning of it compounding all of Torian’s feelings about his history. 

While Eva does hate that burnt tater thot, the content for Arcann was really good.  I actively wonder if they are pulling things from the aborted third KotXX expansion.  THIS is the character development many of us wanted to see before romancing him: we wanted to see the realization of what he’d done, the desire to fix things, the acknowledgement it may never be enough for some people.  Ding Ding Ding!  I did view both versions of the Darth Nul investigation -- I killed him on DS Eva and let him live on my sunshine and Rainbows LS smug Dyo -- and the version with Arcann in it is so much better.  You also get an additional scene with him; romanced folks get a hug! 

Like the Torian scene, this Arcann development probably should have been earlier in the plotline, but WAAAAY earlier -- like 6+ years.  I think before the romance trigger, most definitely, but at least by the time of Nathema, especially if the Commander takes any of his advice to heart regarding Theron.  I think this falls to fan fic writers to fix, in terms of char dev. 

As I mentioned above, both of these guys are killable.  And they got some great content this patch.  The story feels better with both of them in it. 

As for our dynamic duo, Lana and Theron do show up and play a vocal role with Shae in regard to the interrogation of Malgus.  Theron does get to call Shae out on her working with Malgus to sack Coruscant 2x years ago (I have no idea what year we’re in since COVID screwed everything up).  We also get wonderfully protective partners in Lana and Theron.  Theron makes a comment that the work among other “benefits” keep him young if you’ve romanced him -- poor Lana.  There is noticeable smoldering going on between him and the romanced PC.  Theron does provide significant dialogue content and reaction shots, even though he’s killable.  And of course you get a Theron letter, which alludes to Date Night.  In sum, I don’t think Theron was at all side-lined compared to Lana.

The one weak part of all this is the tenuous connection between the Voss and Malgus’s plans.  In part, it’s becacuse Sana Rae had to be on Voss and decided to kill a few birds with one stone (or one Commander).   It boils down to a vision in which the PC saves the galaxy again.  We do get the tidbit that if we outright kill Malgus, things happen faster, but ‘things’ are ‘inevitable.’  Some of the ‘mundane’ quests verge on the ridiculous, but Star Wars always stomps on character hubris when it can. 

Did I enjoy going back to Voss?  Yup.  Did it make sense, given the nature of the Arcann content?  Yup; if you didn’t spare Arcann, this feels more contrived than if you did, in my opinion.  If I recall correctly, Voss was supposed to be visited in an earlier expansion but that was also canned. 

The transition from Bioware to Broadsword may be bringing old things back to life to ‘finish’ the game -- or start a new beginning.  I remain optimistic.  I will say that the old story of Voss and the new story post Eternal Empire does spin together well.

Good patch, in my opinion, minus the issues with the economic system that are ongoing.

[alyjojo]

March 🌞 2024 Monthly - Gemini

Preshuffle: You already know all you need to know about a situation you’ve gone back and forth on. Enough to start planning your next step forward. I’m getting you feel like you don’t but you actually do, even if it’s just intuitively, then you’re being validated in that case. A decision that’s being made is the right call.

Meditation: Omggg this video. Idk what it’s called, something with Candy Mountain, it’s one of the OG YouTube videos to not make any sense but go viral anyway. I choked on my coffee, the first thing I heard was “Candy Mountain Charlieeee” and I died ☠️ It’s been a long time. You could have a couple of excitable goobers (kids?) around you, ready for adventure, maybe getting on your nerves and purposely poking you if you’re grumpy. It should make you smile (or make you hide and take a looooong shower) 😶‍🌫️

Main energy: Wheel of Fortune

Yours is kinda similar to Taurus’s, you could have that in your chart too. Different but similar, they’ve already healed their past and Spirit is like “you’re next”. Wheel of Fortune is change, karma, things outside of your control, Spirit always moving in the background to help little serendipitous events aid you along the way, sending messages and sparking your intuition, whether conscious or not. This also feels like Jupiter, especially with Luck attached to it. That’s coming soon, this Wheel can show time, and before Jupiter moves into Gemini in…June? I think, you’ll need to let some old stuff go. 2 Wands is here with Discovery, your future is ahead of you, not behind you, exploring new possibilities, not the same old traumas ❤️

What’s going on in March:

8 Cups:

You’ve inevitably had to leave some things and people behind, and some things and people have left you too. For some this could be material, a house, a job, your favorite car, a lot of money, some actual 3D thing you can touch. It’s also inevitable you’ve had to leave behind some plans, maybe childhood plans. You always wanted to be a vet but never really wanted to go to vet school - now you’re a whatever-you-are, beating yourself up over not just being a vet. Contracts or partnerships may have left you in financial debt. Loneliness is at the bottom of the oracles, you lost people too. I see 6 Cups here and The Hermit rev, some of you may wonder if all is lost or can you bring the past back to life in some way? So far I just see the new is ahead, Discovery, looking forward. The past had some great times but it had a lot of pain too. And things have changed - Wheel of Fortune - how they needed to.

The Moon:

This is what you fear, what you can’t see, things that give you anxiety, because they are unclear to you. Whatever you lost, or left behind, had an opportunity come in with it - Ace of Pentacles. You couldn’t see that at the time, maybe you’re well on your way now. Moon Capricorn seems to mirror this Page of Pentacles, you left behind things that weren’t good for you, The Devil. Toxic even, had you in chains, wrapped you up in addictions or other unhealthy things that would’ve made things so much worse had they/you held onto them as it had been before it ended. This can be financial too, tied up in something that wouldn’t have given you what you thought it would - or hoped it would. Friends or people around you could’ve fit under these descriptions too, and it was unconscious to you at the time. Whatever has happened was for your benefit - or for a lesson. If someone or something has left - it’s to avoid a thing getting worse, or toxic, or it already was, that’s why it had to be this way. You could blame yourself or assume things that aren’t true but fit with a narrative you tell yourself - could be a fearful/paranoid one.

6 Cups:

Heavy nostalgia, old friends, the way things were, childhood, memories. You’re heavily connected to these things, maybe to the point of being lost in them. 5 Cups is deep sadness, regret, remorse, and being ruled by Scorpio, obsessive *fixation* on what’s been lost - not what’s still here. 2 Cups is still here. Someone or something you love, something very dear to your heart. But you focus on the loss, could be friends, plans, dreams, things you signed up for (or contracts you signed) that you wish you never would have because it kicked your bum later on. You can’t change it, and this is saying you’re only stuck if you keep yourself stuck. Maybe you have been on purpose. Practicality is here and again is mirrored with this Page of Pentacles - it’s like logic has been overcome by emotion and that’s what’s taking control or has for some time. It keeps you stuck. It’s possible you’ve gone through mourning something, not all but for someone this energy is very heavy, and if so I’m giving you a great big hug 🤗

10 Swords:

This row brings some depth to the pain you’ve felt, 10 Swords is betrayal, feeling stabbed in the back, maybe by several people - 5 Wands. Arguments and fights you’ve gotten into may have been due to toxic behaviors or old mindsets that don’t even exist anymore, but they’ve changed everything. You could regret a lot of things. For some there are literal contracts you regret, Commitment being the other Oracle specify binding contracts and Page of Pentacles shows the same thing here. Things your name is financially tied to, may not have gone well and left you in a lot of debt you’re trying to dig yourself out of. Could be a divorce you regret (or a marriage that ended in divorce), partnerships or agreements that ended in betrayal, bankruptcy, I’m seeing one of those Title Loan places, etc. Why couldn’t it be healed, or delayed a little longer? Why didn’t you apologize at the time or do xyz? For someone, there could be regret over sex, a soul contract even, wishing you’d never have even gone there. You’re also thinking of apologies & closure to things you’ve never gotten, and probably never will, for most. Things you never said. Heavy energy this month, but it all has a purpose in this reading - to feel it, hopefully start releasing it, and looking forward.

The Hermit rev:

Clarified by 9 Cups, you just want to go back to whatever specifically is on your mind. A person, a time period, the good old days, whatever the thing, you’re heavily fixated on moving backwards when Spirit is trying to move you forwards. Death follows, you can’t bring things back, and even if you did it wouldn’t be the same. You’ve changed! Wheel of Fortune. Others have changed too, everything has, we can’t even keep a business open over by me for more than a couple years nowadays, everything changes constantly, and seemingly faster the more time passes.

Advice: Can Gemini bring this thing back? 6 Swords…moving away from the drama of the past, taking your experiences, lessons, family, children, and all of the demons hovering in/around your mind & moving on altogether, because you have to. It’s leaving 5 Swords, bitterness, conflict, tit for tat energy, irritation at how things went vs how they could have. Caution at the bottom of the astro Oracle deck. But Wheel of Fortune with Luck is very positive, and so is 2 Wands, there is a lot to look forward to if you look ahead instead of behind. Discovery has an enthusiastic vibe, finding new things to fall in love with, new friends, new experiences altogether. People tend to only miss the past if the present isn’t that great, so what could be done to change right now - to recreate things you miss in a new way? Maybe you miss your old cat, but she’s gone now…you could get a new cat, or even something totally different that changes your life. A lizard, who becomes your best friend, who’d have thunk it? What’s something you’ve always wanted to do, you’re about to have the green light 🚦

Side note: It could be a good time to start playing the lottery, regularly 💯

Signs you may be dealing with:

Heavy Pisces, Scorpio, Virgo & Sagittarius

Oracle: ✨

12 Truth 🦅

The eagle proudly surveys its domain from such a high perch that all pertaining to this situation are revealed. The shadows hide nothing from your keen vision. Once you can remove yourself from the muck that lower vibrations keep you in, you can attain a viewpoint that enables you to see the truth of the matter. This card advises you to search for the truth of the situation, regardless of the emotions it brings up. Are you or someone connected to you unconsciously suppressing the truth? Hiding from the truth can only intensify the lesson later on.

Commitment 🪢

Binding - Obstruction - Contract

Luck 🍀

Jackpot - Fortune - Reward

We enter into March as:

Rose Without Thorns 🌹:

“It is time to face my true feelings.”

You are most fortunate. As we mature, we learn that to enjoy the beauty of a rose, we must occasionally risk getting pricked by a thorn. You are not facing “the same situation”, this is the dawn of feelings being awakened and a new truth being born. You’re being presented with a different way to live. Trust you will know what to do. Stay open. Time changes us all if we’re lucky, it’s time to surrender and make the change. The best incentive to change is often love.

What is to be learned in March:

Sun Sparkler 🎇:

“Integrity is what turns on the light.”

Sun Sparkler reminds us that it is through kindness to others and being of service that we are abundant. Are you living your life as fully as you can? Are you being honest and kind to others? Do you hold the door open for people on the elevator, or let it close? Do you let people merge over in traffic, or pretend not to see them? When we put a blinder on one area of life, it creates the same blind spot in every area. You can’t shut out pain without shutting out pleasure too. Sun Sparkler reminds you of the miracle of honesty, it leads to integrity. You may have done work for another but do not expect a reward, revel in alignment with Spirit, self-esteem is the gift. You’ve been elevated to a new level spiritually, continue to serve others and life will prosper beyond your wildest dreams.

Yellow may be a lucky color 💛

[myfanfic-urfantrash]

Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost (...But I Am Very Lost.) - [6]

Kazuha & GN!Reader

CW- Injury mention.

A/N- I literally rewrote this so many times it's ridiculous. I think I will end this after 10 parts at least but idk.

-------

The next few weeks were filled with the same daily routine: Wake up to see Kazuha, be blessed by the Kazuha, forfeit mortal possessions to Kazuha-

A lie of course, your life isn't that simple. But it is simple and you did establish a routine with Kazuha. Seeing as you were still very injured and were very much in a foreign land with not a mora to your name Kazuha- in all his graciousness- decided to stay by your side till you were in a much more stable condition physically and most definitely financially.

So every morning Kazuha would wake you up, assist you with getting ready, help feed and dress you as necessary and taught you the basics of the common currency and language while you did your physical therapy.

His hands hovered beside your waist as you stepped carefully down the inns hallway towards the balcony overlooking the river. Your balance wasn't the best still but it was definitely better compared to a few weeks ago when you first arrived in this world.

Even if you already knew the basics of how mora worked and have seen much of the languages and script of teyvat the way Kazuha described them was very poetic. Probably because he does so much poetry, definitely not because you're obsessed...clearly not.

You wonder when you'll stop feeling this way about him but you figured there's no harm. You do treat him normally even if you have your moments of adoration, and he doesn't mind it he's made that clear that he finds it more amusing than anything harmful.

Kazuha steps before you sliding open the door to let you through, watching over you as you wobble towards the benches. For such a small inn it sure is of great quality, you think hand stroking the furniture yet again admiring the craftsmanship.

"Are you a fan of wood working? I've noticed you're rather fond of examining the inns structure and the furniture within."

You hum to yourself. It's not so much you're a fan of woodworking but rather seeing and feeling objects you've only seen through a screen is something else. But you won't tell him that, at least not directly, wouldn't want him to have some sort of mental crisis now. So you nod before getting distracted by a few finches landing on the balcony railing.

"I just haven't seen stuff like this before, well not in person at least. Same with the finches."

Kazuha hums lifting a hand towards the little blue and yellow birds that hop happily. Surprisingly yet not one of the blue ones hops onto his finger and he kneels before you guiding the little bird onto your own fingers with a smile at your wide eyed expression.

ITS SO CUTE YOUR GONNA DI-oh it flew away...

You pout and your ears are blessed once more by his soft laughter.

"I hope you do not find it rude bit it sounds to me as if you have lived quite a sheltered life, and if not more of an isolated one." You have no idea my guy.

"Perhaps when you are well enough, I can show you much more that this world has to offer. If you are willing of course." You have never wanted to say "I DO!" so fast but you nod instead not trusting yourself to be chill.

"Then it is settled. When you are well again I will show you more of Liyue and perhaps, more provided nothing prevents you from traveling across the sea or farther inland."

He raises a hand before you can speak up.

"It's kind of you to worry but I will be fine. Should Captain Beidou need me she knows how to find me. I've already informed her of our current situation." Aw you wanted to meet her. And such a thought must have shown on your face because laughs again.

"You will meet her soon, perhaps even within the next month, her ship should be docking for supplies and by then your injuries should be fully healed." He takes your hand in his and closes your fingers over a little blue feather.

"There is much to see and many to meet but they are not going anywhere. So take your time and recover well."

-------

[ 1 ]  /  [ 2 ]  /  [ 3 ]  /  [ 4 ]  /  [ 5 ]  /  [ 6 ] / [ 7 ] / [ 8 ] / [To be continued...]

[juicycoutureheaux]

When it's Over

Chapter 3: The house that built me Hey y'all its me again. I'm going to cross post most of my work from Ao3 on here just in case anybody prefers to read fic here etc. I'm gonna link all chapters together like I did with both sides now.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

While Captain Redfield was taking an important call at the base camp, Anna was left alone in the medic tent. She wore the disposable scrubs they issued to outbreak victims after decontamination.

She hugged her knees to her chest and cradled her forehead between her knees. She finally let out a sob she hadn’t realized she was holding in. She would have done anything to be able to run in her husband’s arms and hug his neck. 

That would never happen again. 

Lucas was right. She was and would remain alone. She’d never get close to anyone ever again after what happened to Michael. Her heart couldn’t take it. 

Not only had her husband died during the Arlington outbreaks, but a part of her did as well. 

The young woman who loved her simple life. She had a perfect existence with Michael. Everyone would compliment them on being a perfect & beautiful young couple. Random people in restaurants would remark on how sweet they were to each other; or how you could “see the love” they had for each other when they looked at one another. 

 They had it all.

 She was so close to graduating nursing school & he was working as a mid-level consultant for a finance company. They went to church every Sunday, tithed their 10%, volunteered, and had a healthy social life. Those close to them would gossip about how they hoped a little Connolly would soon be on the way, but that day would never come. 

On Tuesday, August 13th, 2014 one month before their Second Wedding Anniversary, multiple financial institutions were attacked by a crime syndicate. The crime syndicate had used BOWs to cause confusion and destruction to retrieve encrypted information and drain the banks of everything.

Unfortunately for Michael, he was preparing for a presentation with this specific institution’s board of directors that afternoon. It was supposed to be the step that would move him into upper management, so they could finally start their family. 

Michael would never have the chance to see their family again. His death left a void so deep in Anna’s heart, that she dropped out of school and sold their house. She couldn’t bear to stay in the home they both had worked so hard for; it was now cold and empty. 

Anna moved into a bungalow with friends in her city’s Victorian district to keep costs low & to heal from her grief. 

She was trying to drown out her loneliness one day by scrolling through her phone when she saw an article about how the BSAA was looking for more recruits. It inspired her to enlist. She remembered the way they handled her situation with so much care. They had set her up with resources and counselors that were specifically trained to handle victims of bio-terror. 

Anna knew that this next stage of her life was to help others. She had found a love that most people never know, she wasn’t going to be selfish and feel sorry for herself anymore. 

She was going to take control of her new life. She wasn’t going to be victimized anymore and she was going to protect those who couldn’t do it themselves. 

Her only way to heal was to heal others.

The recruiter was so impressed with her test scores, he expedited her application to be approved. She even survived the hellish 8 weeks of boot camp, where she perfected her fitness and combat skills.

Up until this point, her family had thought it was something to immerse herself in to forget the pain.  

Then she graduated in the top 10% of her class. 

They begged her not to go, to stay in her hometown. They assured her she was young and would find someone else. 

“I can’t believe you’re crazy enough to go through with this!” her dad would say. “You really think you can make a difference? You can’t change what happened to Michael, Anna Catherine!” 

The night before she left for her official move to New York, she was sitting outside her familial home looking at the stars, enjoying the humid summer air. Her older sister, Brigid came outside and sat next to her on the wooden bench.

“Hey,” Brigid said quietly to her.

“Hey,” Anna responded.

“Dad & Lisa are really stressed about your move,” she stated flatly. 

“I didn’t notice.” Anna retorted sarcastically. 

“I think it's pretty fucking awesome you’re doing it though,” Brigid said as she pulled out a cigarette and offered Anna one. 

Anna shook her head, and Brigid brought the cigarette to her lips to light it. 

“You never gave mom and dad any shit growing up,” she said, playing with the lighter still. “Got married first, bought the house & all that.”

Anna wondered what Brigid had come out here for, was she going to make fun of her decision to leave?

Brigid continued. “They always knew you’d have someone to take care of you; you were the sweet daughter that got along with everyone and did what she was told.” She took a long drag and held it in for a couple of seconds before exhaling.

“Now you’re freaking everyone out by moving away & joining this organization. They’re wondering where their sweet Anna has gone.” Brigid smirked. “I think you’re doing the right thing; no, I think you’re doing the best thing.”

Anna was shocked. She and Brigid were like oil and water, they never agreed on anything. 

“You’re fucking with me aren’t you Brigid?” Anna looked at her harshly. “That’s so not cool.”

Brigid laughed so hard she broke into coughing. Anna rolled her eyes, she hated when Brigid smoked and Brigid knew; it was another thing they disagreed on. 

“I’m really not,” she eventually managed to say between coughs. “I can even prove it!” Brigid pulled out a small box. 

Anna looked at her through a furrowed brow. 

“Well, open it bitch.” She said sardonically. 

Anna rolled her eyes and lifted the lid. It was a patron saint medallion, she wasn’t quite sure who the saint was. Anna’s eyes glittered with tears; damn, she was so sensitive. 

“Brigid, I love it. I thought your beliefs didn’t *align with catholic views* anymore.” She looked at her sister suspiciously.

“Well, I know you do, and you’ll be the one at risk of being blown to smithereens at any given moment. I had to google this saint in particular, you know, it’s St. Barbara.” Anna just smiled and listened intently, it meant a lot that her sister would go through this trouble for her. 

“Of Course, my first thought was:” Brigid paused  “St.Michael,” they both spoke in unison “The protector of the church and all of the military.” They both giggled.

Brigid composed herself. “But, I knew that would be overdone, you’re unique, so I thought I would pick a lady saint. She has a pretty badass back story, you should definitely look her up.”

Anna put the medallion around her neck and hugged her sister tight. She hadn’t hugged her sister since Michael’s funeral.

The girls both sat in silence while they hugged each other. The sounds of the crickets and owls were occasionally broken with sniffles coming from both of the sisters.

 After what seemed like an endless amount of time they broke apart. 

The two sisters walked back to the house with arms intertwined. 

XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///

“Connolly,” Captain Redfield’s voice broke her out of her reminiscing. 

He was still dressed in his tactical gear. She felt sorry for him, “he must never get down time to himself.” She thought. 

That's when she suddenly felt self-conscious.  “Oh my god, I'm not wearing a bra and these  scrubs are thin as hell. Can he see my boobs?” She thought “Just keep eye contact Connolly; hold his stare, he’s your superior so hopefully he won’t notice.”

Her face must have been turning red because Captain Redfield followed up with an “Oh, um they didn’t give you a change of clothes yet? I’ll uh, see if they have anything for you.” He quickly turned around and left. 

She put her head in her hands. “Definitely noticed.” She thought to herself and groaned. 

A female operative quickly came in and gave her her original sports bra back and a new standard-issue shirt and pants. 

“I’ve never seen Captain Redfield so flustered like that, were you naked when he came in here?” She teased. 

“I might as well have been.” She grabbed her clothes from the woman.

“Well, it was definitely shitty of them to leave you in here with nothing after what you just went through. Hopefully, the Captain's giving them an earful now.” The operative sympathized with her.

“Thanks, I really appreciate it,” Anna said softly. 

“Oh shit, one last thing, Captain wants you to meet someone as soon as you get dressed.” She relayed to Anna. 

“Will do.” 

Anna quickly got dressed and couldn’t help but think about how much she actually enjoyed seeing the embarrassment spread on Chris’s handsome features. 

“Calm down Anna, he’s your boss.” She thought to herself. 

She walked herself to the main tent and met up with her superior. 

“There you are,” Chris greeted her warmly. 

She walked up to him. “I was told there was someone you wanted me to meet?”

“Yes actually,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “I feel like this sort of thing is more your territory.”

Anna cocked her eyebrow at him. 

“Lemme just show you.” He said as he held open the tent for her.

She walked into the tent and saw a young woman sitting on a cot. 

“Who’s that, Captain?” Anna asked genuinely curious. 

“That’s Lucas’s sister.” He whispered.

She breathed in so hard she choked on her own saliva.

“Yeah, uh my reaction was very similar,” Chris said, rubbing the back of his neck. “She survived three years trapped with those monsters. 

“Those monsters were her family, Chris.” Anna quipped back.

Chris smiled weakly at her. “That’s why I need you to talk to her. She needs someone like you right now.” 

Anna took a sharp inhale and walked over to the tiny woman. She looked so fragile, Anna was afraid to step near her for fear of her collapsing. 

“Hi, Zoe,” Anna said hesitantly. “I’m Connolly, Anna Connolly.”

Zoe looked at her, the circles under her eyes dark. She looked like what she had been through; hell. 

“You and Redfield killed my brother.” She said flatly.

“Yes, we did.” Anna said, letting out a sigh. “I’m sorry.” 

“You shouldn’t be. He was a bad person, everyone was right. I just wish Mama & daddy didn’t have to be pulled into it.” Zoe started to cry. 

Anna quickly sat next to her and started to rub her back.

“You’ve been through so much, what you’re feeling is completely normal.”

“I can’t believe this is happening to me. It’s over, but it just felt like a bad dream, now that it’s over I-I…” she stammered and began to cry harder.

Anna embraced her in a tight hug. She just continued to rub her back while she cried, soothing her the best she could. She looked to Captain Redfield, who looked awkwardly on. Anna mouthed to him “I got this.” 

Captain Redfield nodded and slowly made his way out of the tent. 

When Zoe started to calm down they ended the embrace but remained sitting next to one another. 

“I’m so sorry, I was trapped with those freaks for three years, they looked like my parents, but they weren’t; I can’t stop thinking about it.” She said putting her face in her hands.

“Zoe, you don’t know me from Adam and I couldn’t understand exactly what you’ve been through; but I also lost  my husband years ago to bio terror, the grief doesn’t end, but it does get easier to deal with.” 

Zoe looked at her with glittering eyes.

“I can’t bring your Mama & Daddy back, but we survivors gotta stick together and be our own family you know.” Anna said, letting out an awkward laugh.

It was Zoe’s turn to hug Anna. 

“I really wasn’t sure how I was going to go on, but now I have hope.” Zoe whispered to her.

Anna just hugged her tighter.

Chris was still standing outside the tent observing, he couldn’t help but admire Anna, even though she had gone through the horrors in the mine, she still gave her all to Zoe. 

He made a mental note to talk to her more when they were back in New York.

XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX//

Six months had passed since the Dulvey incident. Her superiors had convinced themselves she should be on *desk duty* after what she had witnessed, despite her protests. 

They said she was an asset and coaxed her into complicity by helping her finish her nursing degree. She worked in the infirmary assisting with day to day operations in lieu of clinicals.

She drowned herself in work, not making it a priority to go out with friends or really taking care of herself. She lived at the office and when she wasn’t bedside, she was busy studying for the NCLEX. She was trying to fast track her nurse practitioner’s license to work in clinics overseas without having to get her doctorate. 

She knew running from her demons wasn’t going to help her, and she felt even worse when one day she got a call from Zoe Baker, under an assumed name. Zoe sounded very distraught. Anna could tell she probably hadn’t slept or gone to therapy in a while. 

“I’m going to do it!” She sounded hysterical. “I’m just going to end it, I can’t live without them! My memories, I just can’t go on!” 

“Zoe, please!” Anna cried through the phone, she looked at her office clock. It was 11:00 pm. “I’ll catch the next flight out of here. Please give me some time to help!”

She heard Zoe make a sound that sounded like a choked sob. 

“Okay,” was all she said.

Anna was out that night. She told her supervisor she had a “family emergency” which wasn’t a lie. Her supervisor just told her to take it easy; she had been working 60 hours a week since she joined their team six months ago.

She agreed and promised she would be back as soon as she could. She hopped on a red eye flight to New Orleans where she met Zoe in her apartment.

The small apartment was messy with newspapers and takeout boxes strewn everywhere.

“Zoe,” Anna looked into her dark rimmed eyes. “When’s the last time you slept?” 

Zoe took in a deep breath of air. 

“Two days.” She replied honestly.

All Anna could do was just nod her head sympathetically. 

“Have you seen what your organization has been saying about what happened to my family?” She was angry. “They’re saying my family died from a gas leak.” She scoffed.

“Zoe I’m so sorry-“ Anna tried to say.

“Don’t-“‘she cut her off. She started to calm down. “Don’t apologize. I just want to know something.” 

“Anything!” Anna said enthusiastically.

“Was the whole incident really the BSAA’s fault? They gave me this new name and everything. I tried contacting the Winters family and they disappeared.” Zoe was starting to ramble.

Anna sucked in. She knew this was Zoe testing her, she knew Zoe knew. 

After pausing for a moment Anna answered her truthfully.

“The mission in Munich to subdue Evelyn apparently failed, which is why she was on a boat to the United States; the BSAA had to cover their asses and feed the media a story, I’m sorry Zoe.”  Anna couldn’t make eye contact with her. 

Zoe sat down and the women sat in silence for what felt like hours. 

Zoe was the first to break the silence.

“You know we had so many memories in that house, and now it’s roped off and I can’t even visit anymore.” 

Anna nodded at her to show she was listening.

“If I could go back one more time, if I could just walk through those doors on a fall day to my mama cooking and my dad working on something in the garage, I would do anything.” She said and put her head in her hands to cry.

Anna went over to rub her back. Anna remembered feeling this way when her husband died. She would have killed to have him walk through their front door and she’d hug his neck. She’d never let him go, they’d get an RV and never settle down ever again. 

But that wouldn’t happen for Anna either. 

She at least had the memorial for the victims and she wasn’t alone. People knew of what had happened to her husband; she wasn’t alone. Zoe was alone in her suffering and no one would ever know what she had gone through, every part of her identity had been wiped away in the incident, not just her family. 

“Zoe, I’m going to propose something that is definitely dangerous and we could get into huge trouble,” Anna eyed her carefully. “I’m going to take you back.” 

“Anna what the fuck are you talking about.”

“I’m going to take you back home, I want you to have your moment back in the house. I can’t bring back your family, but I can take you back to the house.”

Zoe just looked at her incredulously, but her eyes started to soften the more she thought about it. 

“You would really do that for me?” She said barely above a whisper. 

“Absolutely, I don’t know if it will help, but I’ll be damned if we don’t try.”

XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX/

Anna’s heart was beating so hard in her chest she thought she was going to pass out.

She drove the rental jeep up to the guard’s gate outside the perimeter of the Baker’s land. It had been deemed “dangerous” despite being devoid of contamination for months now. 

The guard looked bored and disinterested when she showed him her BSAA badge.

“Who’s she?” He motioned to Zoe in the front seat.

“This is my research assistant, she’s so new she doesn’t have her badge or clearance yet. I knew this was a decontaminated area, so I thought it would be okay, I promise we won’t be long.” Anna tried to use some charm, she hoped she was pretty enough for this to work.

The soldier just rolled his eyes and let them in.

Zoe looked back from the rear view when they proceeded far away enough from the gate. 

“I can’t believe that fucking worked!” She said excitedly. 

“I can’t believe it either,” Anna said, gripping the steering wheel.

They rolled up to the now abandoned house. Mother Nature had taken over the residence, with ivy & moss taking over the facade of the home. 

Zoe just stood in front of the porch staring. Anna noticed her hesitation.

“We can go in whenever you’re ready.”

Zoe took a deep breath and pushed the front door open to reveal a foyer lit only by the sunshine peeking through the windows. 

“I remember Lucas and I used to chase each other all

Around this house.”’she laughed.

The two of them walked deeper into the house. There was a picture frame on the fireplace of the entire family; Zoe gently picked it up and admired it. 

She carried it with her throughout the house, tenderly, like a child. She touched the doorway where her and Lucas’s growth charts were. 

Zoe went through the house and told Anna every story she could remember. It was like Anna was experiencing the moments as they were happening, it was very cathartic for her just to hear; so she could only imagine how it felt for Zoe. 

When they had finally reached the front of the house again, Zoe took one last look and whispered:”I’ll see y’all again one day.” 

The two drove in comfortable silence all the way back to Zoe’s apartment. Anna hugged her goodbye and made her way to the airport. 

XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX///XXX//

Anna had just touched down  when she was immediately approached by a man in a black suit. 

“Agent Connolly, come with me and don’t make a scene.” The man flashed his BSAA badge and she immediately felt her heart drop. 

She followed the man’s instructions and was thrown into a black SUV with dark tinted windows. She was so upset, she couldn’t speak or freak out-she was completely frozen. 

When they arrived at the BSAA base, she was quickly tucked into an all white interrogation room. 

She would have loved to have been able to play dumb, but she knew what and why she was there.

The man interrogating her was a stout, balding man. His face reminded her of someone who had never smiled a day in their life. She immediately felt sorry for him.

“You know we could put you into a high security prison for what you did?” He said to her sternly. “What you did was a threat to national security! You’re a liability! I have half a mind to-“ 

The man’s ranting was cut short when the door to the interrogation room opened abruptly.

“Connolly,” the man said in the familiar baritone. None other than Chris Redfield had crashed their session. 

“You’re suspended two months without pay, give your badge to security out front & we’ll see you back at the end of June.” He said sternly.

She stood up, thanked him and started to walk out of the room; much to the stout man’s dismay. 

Captain Redfield grabbed her forearm. “And no more contact with Miss Baker, Connolly.” 

[positivity247power]

90 in 90 - Day 27 - Play the whole tape through

90 in 90 - Day 27 - Play the whole tape through

We hope these topics are useful to you and help you on your path to living a life beyond your dreams. #DUTEIYAFO (Don't Use Today Even If Your Ass Falls Off)

Body text:

Day 27 - Play the whole tape through

Euphoric recall is a dangerous thing—remembering only the highs, the moments when everything seemed amazing, and I was invincible. The older I get, the better I was. For the longest time, I chased that feeling, the one I once thought would last forever. But when I play the whole tape through, I know the story doesn’t end there - and it's not even the story I thought I was chasing... was something else entirely. I know what would follow is the predictable downward spiral—less satisfaction, more consequences. While I have never acted on the thoughts, feelings, and desires to try to use again, so many of my friends have come back afterwards and the story was always the same, it was worse, so much worse, Every time.

The fantasy is that I could chase, and capture, the memory of that amazing feeling, but it is as elusive as the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I know that even if there was an immediate result, the fleeting benefit would fade, and the certain consequences will grow. It’s a trap.

I know I must play the entire tape through and remember The more I chased "it", whatever "It" was, the further I fell, until I am left with nothing but that familiar wreckage—broken relationships, lost trust, financial ruin, and shattered health.

And then, after recovery begins, the dust starts to settle. My life began to heal. My bank account got better, health returned, and relationships were rebuilt. I found joy in living again, in ways I’d forgotten.

But then, like clockwork, yet out of nowhere, that fleeting thought hits me: What if I could just have one? What if I could taste that high one more time? It feels like an opportunity, a chance to relive those euphoric moments. But when I play the whole tape through, I know the end of the story. It doesn’t stop with one. One turns into many, and soon enough, I lose everything I've worked to rebuild. That’s why I must remember where the story goes. Playing the tape through helps me stay grounded, reminding me that life without the chaos, without the chase, is better than any fleeting high.

Additionally, not stopping at the thought of returning to a broken way of being keeps me in the process and actively participating in my recovery, with others who are also will show me, in real time, that jumping back into a life that didn't work before, still doesn't work.

No one has to relapse for me to recover, but the fact is people do, and if I don't, I can be there to help them back into a life free of the active addiction.

* https://www.youtube.com/@studiointhecity5472 https://www.instagram.com/big.easy.juice https://x.com/FuzzyFrknBunny https://truthsocial.com/@positivity247power https://www.facebook.com/groups/2307899446217793 https://mix.com/positivity247power * #Recovery #addictionrecovery #selfhelp #powerless #unmanagability #overcomingobstacles #overcomingchallenges #thoughts #positivity #digitaldetox #mentalhealth  #morningmotivation  #morningroutine #meditation #anonymous #12stepstorecovery #self #powerlessness #addictionrecovery  #mental #health #recovery #gettingclean #stayingsober #soberlife #sobrietyfirst #spiritualitytiktok #addictionrecovery  #stayingpositive #clean #selfimprovement #meditation  #stressmanagement #shortsviral #shortsyoutube #shortsviralvideo #shortscommunity #motivationalquotes #firststep  #spirituality #help #prayerworks #processofprayer #howto #90in90 #DUTEIYAFO

[cories-in-the-house]

Hello everybody. I know it’s been a long time since I’ve uploaded anything here, and I’d like to finally explain why.

In short, viral hemorrhagic septicemia ravaged my tank and killed every single last one of my cory cats. This was the mysterious illness that plagued the tank for months since late last winter. I finally found out what it was thanks to other cory owners on Reddit. VHS was introduced to my tank by the cories I bought from Petco. Since my last update here, VHS has taken the lives of Dumpling, Crouton, and the other cories. I was devastated. Worse yet, you cannot kill viruses that enter your aquarium—they’re immune to medicine. I didn’t want to keep posting here with a stream of bad news, it’s upsetting and humiliating.

Fletcher and Magnum, my black kuhli loaches, are miraculously alive and haven’t shown any signs of VHS, so they’re currently the only inhabitants of the 20 gallon long. The tank likely has to remain a closed system until I either move Fletcher and Magnum to a smaller tank, or until they die and I’d have to clean out the entire tank just to reuse it. I’ve thought about adding more black loaches so they aren’t lonely—they’ve been hiding a lot since the last cory died—but it’s a risk because my loaches could be asymptomatic carriers of VHS and start another mass die-off. I’d hate to inflict that on other innocent loaches, but I don’t know what to do about Fletcher and Magnum. *I forget if I ever gave an update on my loach Columbo, but he suddenly got ill with something I never identified and passed away. This was soon after an ich outbreak, but he didn’t look to have ich and I healed everyone else.

Right now due to life circumstances we may have to move rather suddenly in the coming few months, so it isn’t wise to try setting up a new small tank right now for the loaches. There’s also the issue of whenever the loaches would die, and then I’d have another tank to take down and either sell off or start again. I can’t house the loaches with Jovian because he hates their wriggly asses, plus it isn’t big enough for them. I hope to get more albino cories in the future, but as you could figure I’m not in a position to at the time being.

Overall this is a shitty situation. I never expected my fishkeeping dream to be crushed before even a year of owning fish. I never expected an unkillable virus to wipe out my tank. There have been and continue to be so many financial risks and losses due to all the illness.

Just as a warning to fellow cory enthusiasts, I’ve been informed that albino cories have recently seen a worrying increase in infection with viral hemorrhagic septicemia because of poor breeding practices and stores not looking into the health of these fish. It isn’t just Petco or Petsmart—I got cories from a huge local store well-known here and they were extremely ill. If I’m going to get albino cories again, I’m absolutely going to a reputable online breeder instead. I would get more cories from the pet store I got my original batch from, but they suddenly closed. Please please please be so careful where you source your cories, VHS is a horrifying, grotesque way to go. Look out for signs in your own cories—the biggest symptom of septicemia is internal bleeding, and it can get fucking nasty. Look out for blood spots around fin stalks, gills, and around internal organs. If you don’t put down infected fish, you might see them slowly bleed to death from the inside. I was too emotional to do so, but I wish I had.

I plan to post more here when I figure out my fish situation and plan out the financial aspect. I just wanted to post an update for anyone that follows me or comes across my account.

[antagonisticism]

Chapter One: Denial

The shards of glass pushed into the hands of a man far beyond sorrow to even take care of the newfound pain. Blood dripped down in warm droplets to the ground where it would create a small pool for whoever would be next to find him. There was no comparison to the mental damage felt at that moment. All that the man cared about was cleaning up the ruins of what was meant to be a perfect day.

Chapter One: Denial

Steven sat there on the park bench staring ahead to his boy on the swing. His eyes never wavered as his son went back and forth, clearly oblivious to the discussion between his parents. Steven was listening to the woman beside him with little to no respect for what she had to say. 

It was his wife, Mary. 

Her patience with the world seemed to be spreading thin. What didn’t help was their financial situation. Six months since the accident and still no hope for change. 

“I mean, what do you even want me to do, Steven?” Her voice was hollow from exhaustion. “I’m trying to raise our kid and you’re out here burning through money. Why can’t you just have a drink at home? We can get you some ice cold beer that will keep you stocked until next month. Save money and keep your shitty little heart happy.

Steven, we can’t survive if you keep going out like this! Kyle can’t live like this!”

Her arms spread out as if that would express her pent up frustration. 

Steven was unresponsive to the hissing coming from her mouth. He was thinking about the next beer that would touch his lips and finally drown her out. Drown out the sound, the world, and the memories.

She wasn’t the one working sixty hour weeks with flashbacks of Kyle running to him before the chemical waste bucket spilled all over him. How loud the screams the kid released were when the burning in his eyes and on his skin began. 

There was no other way to live, but with a bottle in hand after that. 

He couldn’t look at his own kid without the guilt piling up inside. His son was debilitated because he hadn’t taken the time to be more cautious on the job site. If he had just been more careful. If he hadn’t brought him to work that day. Mary was there to hold Kyle when their boy cried and joked when he needed cheering up. Now Steven could just go to the bar after work to settle the pain in the pit of his stomach. All he had to do was get up each day to make just enough to numb it all away.

“He seems fine.” Was all that Steven could respond with as he shrugged his shoulders.

Suddenly, Mary was standing. “Fuck it, you son of a bitch! I was trying to get you to clean up your act for him. For your son. But I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like this.”

She grabbed her purse from the park bench they were sitting on and started walking away from him until he finally called after her.

“Well, hold on. Wait a minute. Where are you going, Mary?”

Mary’s only reply was to lift her right hand and flip him off as she sauntered over to the boy. 

Kyle sat on the swing, but wasn’t moving. His eyelids were closed and lips parted. The hands that clutched the chains on the swing were small and delicate. Her son’s frail, underdeveloped body. His facial tissue around the eyes still looked red and scarred. The doctors told them Kyle’s face would heal. He was still young enough that no permanent damage would come except to his eyes. Those he had lost forever.

She wanted to scream and cry. Not at the boy, but the reality of the situation. An unemployed mother who had clawed and clawed to make something, anything work. It was all too much. Being a mother, a wife, and making the sacrifices that had to be made. There was no point in living like this. She stared at him for a while, trying her best not to break.

After a while, Mary touched his hand and winced as he jumped from surprise before she bent down to speak to him.

“Kyle?” His mother whispered into his ear. “Mommy has to go bye, bye for a while. Take care of your father, okay? You are a big boy. I will see you two soon. I just. . . I need some time.”

The scent of a woman he loved so dearly wafted into his nose as a friendly reminder to past memories before the accident. He remembered her slow smile and how brightly it shined. The brightest blue eyes that were like sapphires. A delicate face framed with ebony curls that only came to her shoulders. 

Did she still wear that pretty smile when she looked at him? Did her eyes still crinkle at the sides when she laughed?

Kyle’s heart dropped as he felt a kiss on his forehead before hearing her walking away from him. He began to cry for his mom. Softly at first before nearly screaming for her to come back. 

No one did. 

Kyle was stuck on the swingset just trying to make it through as the minutes ticked by. He was blind and in absolute solidarity without even his father rushing to comfort him. 

Steven had left while she had spoken to their child. He was so anxious to get to the next drink that would help him drown his senses that he hadn’t waited to see her reaction, or the fact that she was saying goodbye forever. 

The father had left the little boy behind to get to his pub. There was so much anger from his chat with Mary to forget that he hadn’t paid attention to the little boy screaming for his mom while Steven himself drove away. 

The threats from Mary couldn’t have been real. She loved their son too much. 

Steven cranked up the stereo in his car to block out whoever was screaming their head off. So much bullshit had just happened in thirty minutes and he was ready to walk away from it all. Speeding off, he glanced back to see Kyle by himself on the swingset but saw a figure next to him. Assuming it was his wife, he never glanced back again. . .

“Kyle.” Breann muttered his name as her fingers lightly touched his shoulder. “You’re snoozing again.”

Kyle jolted upright and immediately regretted his decision. He forgot the ceiling to the alcove of the restaurant he was at was only so high. A small booth for performers like him to wait before it was time.

 The noise of people bustling around and making a fuss because their food wasn’t ready made his ears want to bleed. He couldn’t seem to get used to the way this place attracted the loudest of crowds. It was a miracle that he didn’t run then and there from the job he had set out to do.

Sing in front of a live audience just waiting to eat him alive.

“Sorry, Bre.” He muttered, rubbing the back of his head. “Been a long day. Dad came around.”

Her left brow lifted, even if he couldn’t see it. “To ask for the usual?”

“Yeah.”

He could feel her body posture tense up as she squeezed his arm. 

They both knew what the usual meant.

Bre had commented a million times that Kyle was assisting in his dad’s disease by giving him the money. Kyle should be saving up and trying to make it bigger than just the famous blind singer to their first class restaurant. 

He had made it big here. Though the first couple of times had been awkward when regulars realized he was blind.

So many people were afraid of the disability that they were uncomfortable with what to say. Kyle laughed at himself for them. Ease the awkward heaviness of the matter. He wished they didn’t have to feel like he was to be treated differently. It was almost like an alien had shown up whenever the disability was mentioned. 

Breann’s hand squeezed again as they sat him down.

She was whispering so as to not let anyone overhear. “He’s sick, Kyle. How are you helping him by feeding him this money? You’re encouraging the addiction.”

“Yeah, but if I don’t, what then? I can’t lose him, Bre.” Kyle’s fingers hesitantly grabbed her own. “I’m all alone if I do.”

“You have me. What about Jacob? Little Amelia, too! Karen and Arthur love you like you’re their own son. They practically raised you after him and your mom left-.”

“They’re not blood.” Kyle sharply interrupted to keep from hearing the ending of that sentence. “They had and have their own lives before me. Karen and Arthur fostered me out of pity. Mom made that call before she. . .” 

His entire body slumped back in the booth he sat waiting for a ride from Breann at. “I know I act like I’m on top of the world, and I am, but these past couple of years feel like I’ve forgotten what true relationships feel like. Everyone’s so fake here in Los Angeles.”

Kyle wished he could’ve seen her then and there. 

Just to glance at the one friend that kept his head above the water when it felt like it was time to give up. 

Her and her husband Jacob had met him when he was still in high school singing until his lungs gave out. They decided that there was an opportunity to invest in someone worth it and they did. Bringing him on as entertainment boosted sales and helped keep their restaurant alive with the different themes that made them unique. But they were busy taking care of their three year old to really hang out with Kyle. Bre just gave him motherly advice and a drive home when she could.

He thought back on this morning when the loud knock banged on his door. It got him nearly skipping out of bed. Asking his phone what time it was and getting the answer of “four in the morning” made him groan. He slipped out of the bedroom and into the living room where the door was just five easy steps away from. The banging began again like clockwork.

“I’m coming!” He shouted back in response. 

His fingers rested on the doorknob before swinging it open. 

Just like that, he could smell the alcohol and sweat a mile away. 

Kyle covered his nose with a hand to plug up the sense he wished was taken from him. The lack of any deodorant was blood curdling and he nearly shut the door on his own father because of it. Covering his reluctance to meet with such a human with a cough, he tried to mutter out some type of greeting.

“Dad, why are you here? It’s four in the morning.”

Silence was the only response for a solid three minutes before he felt a calloused hand touch his own. It was weak from years of not working and poor discipline. The gnarled sides made Kyle want to almost shiver.

 Its texture was nothing like what he remembered it to be like from when he was little.

“I need your help, son.” His breath smelled of pure whiskey and poor hygiene as he croaked out the words.

“What do you need? We can get you a shower real quick.”

 Kyle’s heart lifted at the weakness in his father’s voice. Maybe today was the day that his dad would finally get the help he deserved. That had to be why his drunk ass was standing there. Usually he would come in the afternoon, begging for money. Today had to be different if he was coming so early. 

“I need just a little more, Kyle. I got mugged and. . . I, uh, I need a little more to pay for the medical bill. Do you have just a couple hundred more to give to your old man?”

The hope came crashing down. 

Kyle was barely surviving as is with the money his job made and giving a portion to his dad. Now he was asking for more? Exhaustion made his heart pump faster, ready to shout at the old man. Maybe if he knew where he stood Kyle could give him a good sucker punch. 

Kyle’s feet backed away from the door to the countertop where he grabbed the wallet. Walking back over, he felt out five twenties and handed them to the outreached hand.

“Only a hundred more, dad. That’s it. You gotta get help. Go to at least one AA meeting with me. Please, dad. Just one.”

“I will, son. I promise, I’m working on it. I just need some more time. Just a little more time.”

Steven said it with his back already turned to head back into the city. 

He walked past the yard to the street ahead. His eyes never lifted back up to the son standing there leaning his head on the door. Steven always said that and meant it every time he walked away. 

But the older the man got the harder it was to make things right. Every year was another time to use his shovel and dig a deeper hole. Soon enough, he felt like he was making his own grave. All because he could never get over the first step in grieving the loss of his son’s vision or the guilt of being the one that caused it.

How hideous of a man that had made him become.

[bubbleonice]

Reading for Ross MacDonald

This is the original request.

Angel of addiction healing:

He is recovering from some addiction problems, whether that is drugs or alcohol, maybe sex addiction. He is on a healing journey.

Blessing in disguise:

Sometimes what seems to be problematic might just be the blessings he need. What he thinks is a problem about himself, someone finds as an answered prayer. Maybe he judges himself a bit too harsh.

Life purpose:

He is always asking himself what is the purpose of life.

Invest in your spirit:

He needs to invest more in himself, his health, his wellbeing, things like getting enough sleep and eating the right nutritious food. He neglects those things too often. And he needs to pay more attention to himself and what’s good for him.

Tell the truth:

He tends to keep secrets as not to hurt people. But that turns to hurt himself instead. He needs to be stronger as to tell the truth eventhough it might hurt.

The world:

Looks like something big is about to happen for him. A major event. Might be a new project, a marriage, a kid, or something similar. His efforts are being noticed and he will soon reap the rewards. This is abojt celebration, accomplishment, fullfillment, maybe even travel.

Seven of wands reversed:

However he easily gets exhausted and overwhelmed. He can let his thoughts destroy his confidence. Self doubt is a big issue for him. He is very insecure.

Knight of pentacles:

He does have the energy of a knight of pentacles which stands for hardwork, productivity, routine, responsibility, slow and steady, financial growth, achievements. He has got a lot of earth energy which means he is very down to earth. Easygoing. Very trustworthy and reliable.

The lovers reversed:

But he does struggle with self love, imbalance, takes bad choices, and have a fear for commitment.

6 of wands:

Again, he is going to recieve good news, achieve public acknowledgement and recognition.

When it comes to love. I pulled these four cards: EGO, Reflection, Forgiveness and reunion. All four cards represent something from the past. It’s about reunion with someone, putting aside pride and egos, forgiving one another and reflecting over past failures. So this major event or reward we talked about in 6 of wands, and the world, might be that he is getting back with someone he really cares about and has been missing from his life.

I hope you enjoy this reading. And please keep in mind that this is done for entertainment purposes only. I use tarotcards and oracle cards actively in my readings, as well as my intuition. Energies come and go, what is relevant for today’s reading might change in a few weeks time. But some aspects will always remain constant and the same. Thank you.❤️

[mayflyuniverse]

felt like i spoke too much on my private twt so i’m retreating to my tumblr lol.

I am a little sad about the (suspected) stress-induced rash under my lips. It’s still a little small, but I’m hoping it doesn’t spread. It feels a bit like a see-saw between my mental and physical health. When I have a handle on one of them, the other one acts out... Balancing it gets tougher when there’s so much happening... Hopefully things die down soon but otherwise, all I can do is hold on, I guess.

I’m guessing the stress this time around is the lack of time to work, combined with financial situations, then the fact that I’ve been eating a LOT of fast food at my parents whenever I’m there, along with the whole shctick talking to big sis about paying the damages she made on car, not to mention the fact that I’ve found her guest all alone downstairs, bored while she was on call with her japanese pseudo-bf... My malfunctioning keyboards that i’ve had to replace by using advance instalment payments, my maxed out credit card, the upcoming website hosting/domain name/Gdrive subscription payments that will be due...... Then there’s the bit where there’s the appointment with youngest sis’ school principal about the bully in her class making inappropriate comments about me far too often to her (i know, wild), then finally there’s the bit where I just have yet to catch up on rest ever since New Year’s...

I mean this is not counting the bits on the side about projects and jobs i’ve applied to that I’m hoping to get within the new year since my other commercial projects are still stalled and there’s no news when it’ll be ready, unfortunately.

I mean, all around stress, but I’m not in a constant state of anxiety, which is good but I guess it manifests itself elsewhere physically.

I read up and apparently it’ll go away on it’s own if you don’t aggravate it within weeks or months. So i’m hoping, latest, by the middle of the year, i’ll be rid of this stinging and burning;;;

Hopefully, within like.. by 6th of next month, mum will be healed of her fractured toe completely that she can drive again and I’ll be relieved of driving duties soon. That would mean I’ll finally get my working hours back..

I realise I’m emotionally fatigued in a lot of ways since December and I’ve just never had the chance to recover from it before the next thing that demands my attention piles on. At least one of my younger sisters are kidn enough to help forward payment for groceries so I am still keeping to eating... and she does help with some of the driving when I request her to @@;; so things could be worse, all things considered...

I just keep telling myself “sunflowers face the sun” because it’s a phrase that reminds me i can keep keeping my head above water if I just make sure to get my thinking right. I’ll cry when I need to, be upset when I need to but. I’ve got to keep my wits about me. Just until february-- just until I can get back to my usual routine.

Anyways, if I stress more than I already am, my whole body’s going to breakdown, I can feel it :,)) and I’d like to keep away from hospital visits for the time being.....

AH! though! I did sign up for online therapy that is affordable... I’m waiting for them to get back to me but.. I’m hoping this might help with the burden in the upcoming year. I’m a tad anxious since I haven’t been to counseling in a while but, I have only good feelings about it. We’ll see how it goes.

For now, I’ve finished my yoga and I’m rewarding myself by watchign a little JCC Y_Y Mr. Suh is truly all that is holding me and my sanity together lmfao. after that, it’s time to get ready and go out uuu.. let’s !!! *punches air* get. this!!! *punches air even more*. done and over with!!!

[hadtochangeuserbecauseimparanoid]

One thing that has been a big theme and roadblock in my healing process lately is how much I hate how much I talk. Like, I probably hate myself for it more than anyone else does, and I've said stupid shit so you can only imagine. I've noticed how bad I am at interrupting when I get excited or think someone is misunderstanding and I legitimately still can't catch myself every time, part of it is it sadly triggers babe so he doesn't respond in a way that I respond internally well to. I end up beating myself up for it and just trying to instill in my mind to stop talking at all so I can't ever again. And of course I have adhd so it will never stick, plus I know its not healthy to 100% shut up forever so I break it eventually. I honestly just have so much trauma around being autistic and missing social queues, not seeing perspectives fully in the moment because I get defensive, not being shown healthy examples of stuff growing up ect, so I ruined relationships and friendships, and I've gotten so much better but I still interrupt and I still ramble where even I notice and hate how much I repeat myself and I don't know how to notice and stop. My brain has always output like a fucking jambalaya of words that would make much more sense in a different order, I don't know why, I have psychosis symptoms bc of bpd so maybe it's that dysreguleting my speech. And I hate when I interrupt each time I want to kill myself because it's always bc I misunderstood and then babe forgets what he was saying and it's always met with an awkward silence. Like I just want to rip my vocal cords out sometimes so I literally can't ever do that again I never mean to do it but I don't know why until after it's pointed out. And it feels so stupid this has been an addressed issue for almost two years like. I'm lucky we are extremely communicative and healthy because I really need this place to vent this without him seeing it dude, I don't want him to feel bad ever for any of it, his dad always fucking interrupted him I've seen it, usually bc he gets defensive or "knows more" and I do it there too (not bad but like, if he is critiquing a song and I happen to like q thing I'll interrupt and he'll forget the point yk). He should never feel bad for letting me know he wants me to work on being mindful of it, it's just so hard woth stuff like that and catch myself ig. I don't see how I didn't even care enough to interrupt until after and I hope trying to note it here can help me notice before more. I have already quite a few times I've just been slipping lately balancing that with other things I'm working on ect.

I just do hate how much it makes me want to fucking kill myself though, I have compounded so much of my trauma around that one personality trait of mine. I'm extremely talkative, I always have been, no one liked me because of it, I would sing out loud in class to myself until 5th grade, then I stopped talking because I realized why I was bullied, go figure. Then I started dating and that was just a flurry of examples as to why I should just shut up and maybe kill myself because I can't seem to figure out how to talk without annoying someone or making someone feel bad without meaning to. or when I was younger just straight up not having manners with friends parents. I just, I'm so tired of being myself dude. I'm tired of genuinely and soley feeling like a burden in other's lives. I can barely take care of myself financially because of my disabilities on top of it all, I'm hoping to get a job that I can do soon but time will tell.

There's just so much constantly on my mind and nowhere to put it, and at the core of it it's not just me hating myself for the mistakes I've made and could continue to, it's also just that I've started to hate my bubblyness, my passion, the level of emotion I feel no matter the emotion, and in the end being alive with the personality and cocktail of disorders I was given. I don't know if when I heal I will even love myself thereafter. I don't know if healed me will still be considered very talkative, I don't want to be annoying or even very talkative, and I have so much to say. I don't think I could ever find people who match this level of energy either I just don't. And I can't bear to keep existing this way with only people around me who would eventually grow tired of my high energy, I don't know if other people I could be friends with exist, I also haven't fully opened the gates to anyone I know rn but beeb and a little to the pl00g bc he's chill and a good friend. But even he mentally goes "okay that's enough slices" when I talk and I know it. Like, idk what to do hahahahaahahah.

Anyways since this is going to my secondary instead, now to make food I don't want and food for babe and then after I'll sit in party silently playing stardew, hearing him have fun talking a storm with his friends. And when we get done with the day, bc we don't have bud to go take smoke breaks, we'll talk again while going to sleep, and I'll inevitably talk enough to either interrupt again, or just talk enough to where he asks me to let him sleep, oooooo or I'll show him something while he's in a safe place in game and he will barely glance then immediately start talking to the boys in party and I'll want to kill myself all over again. And I'm tired of that. Need to find a way to communicate that, tried recently, did not work, he did not understand what level of "things that would make me feel like I'm not being heard or being looked at negatively for anything I did vocally that isn't obviously a thing that needs to be angry towards" or whatever wasn't specific enough. It really isn't, but idk what more to add or change to elaborate better. I also have been asking for quality time but we need money for most anything bc even driving to a place we could have a picnic or forage. I like just talking too but like, what is there to talk about. Snuggling makes him fall asleep. And smoking seshes are typically rushed bc he's in lobby for a game his friends are waiting to start. Where at this point do we get to spend time? Meals? He eats while playing at this point, I try but if lots of people are on he doesn't wanna get off or that might not all be back on for a while. And I get that but it's to a point I've almost given up until money isn't an excuse.

Idk I'm just also a little heartbroken because I don't have any clue how to say any of this. I don't know if anything would even change because like I said, what would we do? I don't want to just play games together I want to be present in reality together more often, but we can't do shit when we're broke.

I don't know why I'm still typing anymore honestly. I need to go make us food I don't even want. Don't have any time to cry in the bathroom either bc I have to face babes mom and dad face on upon exit, and they're probably home by now :)