#I hope that you are all having better days than mine!
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highvern · 2 days ago
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Red Card
Pairing: Kim Mingyu x f!reader
Genre: smut/fluff, non-idol au, 80s au (aesthetics only), childhood friends to lovers
Warnings: drinking, weed use (not reader tho), skinny dipping, non-graphic injuries (sprained knee), mingyu gets a booboo and reader kisses it better, oral (m & f receiving), face sitting, penetrative sex, protected sex. all of em's biases in one fic
Length: ~12k
Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS MS @gyuswhore EVERYONE TELL HER HAPPY BIRTHDAY thank you for dealing with all my tomfoolery on a daily basis. i hope this is a nice treat after the trenches of academia. thank you @haologram and @tomodachiii for beta reading!
Summary: Mingyu's been there through everything. From childhood to now. What happens when he gets hurt and someone else has to step in and play the hero?
m.list
This blog is intended for 18+ only! Minors/blank blogs will be blocked.
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You’re going to kill your roommate.
Maybe not this second, when you’re still waking up and the sun has barely started to filter through the blinds and the alarm clock is blaring in your ear. It’s difficult to strangle someone when he’s smothering you with his entire body weight, completely unaware of the fact you can’t breathe because of it.  There's heat and then there's sweating out of your skin because your roommate doesn’t understand ‘what’s mine is yours’ only extends to the food in the fridge.
You’ll strangle Mingyu one day, but right now you’re late for work. 
“Get off!” you fume, pushing at his shoulder with all your strength. 
Mingyu smacks his lips sleepily and burrows further into your neck. You pinch his nipple between your finger and twist.
“Ow! What the fuck?” he screams, shuffling off you and into the wall, eyes wild and clutching his chest like a scandalized old woman
Rolling off the mattress, you navigate the dark of your room looking for your work clothes. “How many times have I told you not to sleep in here?”
“My room is so hot!” Mingyu whines, digging his face into the pillow.
“Yeah, well now my room is too.” You find the floral green and pink dress of your Pier Club uniform. Facing away from Mingyu, you swiftly change into it and look for the matching skirt. It’s offensive, even in the dim predawn. “Do you have work today?”
Mingyu stuffs himself further beneath the blankets, only the very center of his face visible. “Yeah. Covering for JJ.”
“Get up then. We’re gonna be late.”
Mingyu scrambles to his room to get dressed. The bathroom is wedged between his room and Soonyoung's, so you hear a thud, and a curse followed by another louder thud and a grunt of pain. He joins you in the bathroom, dressed in his uniform: pink polo, white pants, and white golf shoes. Like an incredibly tall and sleepy flamingo.
Two people becomes four in a blink, each of you reaching over and under for whatever is needed from the small shelf in the mirror. Your elbow meets Dokyeom’s eye, and someone steps on your foot. 
Soonyoung is pouring coffee into a mug in the kitchen, foot tapping against the linoleum while Dokyeom rushes around trying to find his pants. You’ve lived like this for two years. It doesn’t even phase you.
“If you’re not in the truck in five you’re walking!” Mingyu calls and disappears.
One by one you file out. You detour for the kitchen. The toaster takes two minutes and the coffee pot four but you’re still faster than the other two and get an actual seat in the cab of the truck. There's really no decent way to get in and out of a truck in a skirt anyway so you take the small blessing that comes in the form of cracked leather seats and a door you have to roll down the window to open from the outside.
Dokyeom chases the green Ford down the driveway six minutes later and Mingyu slows down enough for him to hop into the flatbed next to Soonyoung. You’re only two minutes late in the end.
The club is packed with guests all day. By the time dinner service is over and you’ve counted your tips, all you want is to go home and pass out but it’s Seungcheol’s birthday. Despite what he explicitly asked everyone for (an Atari 7800), there’s a bonfire at the beach and if Mingyu is there then you are too. Someone has to pile him and the other boys into the bed of his truck and get them home.
The private section of the beach reserved for locals only is packed. Someone blasts a Bowie track, drunk party goers dancing around the massive bonfire while others relax on logs or sit in the sand and watch. A few people stroll down by the water, splashing through the shallows in the dark.
You stay planted in one of the few real chairs, sipping on a beer while your roommates do who knows what. It’s not that you don’t like parties; but your feet hurt and more than a few people stiffed you today so you’re tired. And now, after a few drinks you’re tired and drunk. But no one is ready to leave so it’s either wait or walk and the five miles back to the house is daunting enough you stay firmly planted.
“Ooo, got any more of those for me?” Jeonghan plants himself in the sand next to you, reaching for the cooler.
You slam the lid down on his hand and pull it out of his reach. “Fuck off, you still owe me for last time.”
He tries cozying up to you; pretending the arm around your shoulder is meant as a sweet hug and not a means to get his hand back in the ice box behind you. “Look, I didn’t drink your vodka. But if I did, it tasted like shit.”
“I’m not talking about the vodka, I’m talking about when you fucked some bimbo in my bed!”
He’s already drunk on someone else’s booze; Seungcheol’s no doubt.  
“Oh. That.” Jeonghan scratched the back of his neck. “Listen, it was a big misunderstanding.”
“What misunderstanding? Your dick couldn’t stay in your pants for three more feet to fuck in Soonyoung’s room?”
Jeonghan balks, eyes glazed in the fire light. “Have you tried having sex on a waterbed? It’s not easy.”
Mingyu, as always, is honed in on your bad mood and comes up the beach smiling, hair a mess in the wind. You don’t stare and focus on slapping Jeonghan’s hands away. “Everything okay?”
“I’m gonna kill Jeonghan,” you mumble. 
“I asked her for a beer.”
Mingyu arches a brow. “Didn’t you fuck some girl in her bed last time we had a party?”
“You’re focusing on the wrong thing. She is drunk and acting like the beer czar. Where is the hospitality?”
“If I give you one will you leave?”
“Yes,” Jeonghan responds immediately.
Mingyu passes him two beers and snaps the cooler shut before the older man can get greedy. Jeonghan salutes Mingyu and then sticks his tongue out at you before leaving for the other side of the fire.
“Eat shit and die!” you call. You love Jeonghan but he’s got a way of grating on your last never. Especially after the girl he hooked up with stained your sheets with fake tan even if he offered to buy you a new bed and sheets.
Jeonghan waves the hand full of beers over his head. “Eat shit and live!”
“Alright, let’s get you home,” Mingyu chuckles. 
In his truck, the radio hums one of his fifty million cassettes. He only breaks the comfy lull at a deserted intersection. “One to ten, how mad would you be if we took a detour?”
“At least five, but it depends on where.” You eye him sceptically. Truly, all you want is to get home, shower, and sleep. But Mingyu had a way of convincing you to go along with whatever plan he’d cooked up.
“Chocolate shakes at Joe’s and then the lookout.”
It’s hard saying no to that. Even harder when Mingyu stares at you like a hopeful puppy. 
Your eyes roll. “Okay, maybe like a two.”
“I’ll get you chili cheese fries.”
“Negative one.”
Mingyu turns right, humming along to the next song the entire way to the drive in diner. Your eyes are heavier each minute but greasy food sounds fantastic and your grumbling stomach keeps you from falling asleep against the door. 
Joe’s sits in all its neon glory, like a little beacon of light in the otherwise quiet beach town. Most of the picnic tables littered outside are covered in people; out of towners, teenage locals with sun bleached hair and frizzy perms, old couples who’ve been coming since milkshakes were invented. Almost all of the workers rushing through the diner in red polos are still in highschool and then there’s Vernon manning the cash register at the window like the captain of a ship. He doesn’t even look like he works here; white cut off tee and neon green swim trunks don’t really match the fifties aesthetic but no one says anything, even the owner.
Vernon doesn’t bother ringing the order up, yelling at the line cooks it’s on the house. He thrusts two paper cups and a greasy paper bag across the counter and greets the next customer in line.
Twenty minutes later Mingyu is parking his truck on the side of the road and trailing across the dunes to the even more secluded beach, one only the most local townies know about. Since most of those are few and far between, it’s just you two planted in the sand, chilli cheese fries and chocolate shakes filling your bellies in no time.
“I think I’m gonna get Joe’s logo tattooed on me.”
“He’ll probably leave the place to you if you did.”
“Vernon is literally named in his will, I’ve seen it.” Mingyu lays back in the sand and closes his eyes.
The waves crash on along the shore, the perfect soundtrack to lull you closer to sleep now that your belly is filled. Beneath you, the sand is just warm enough to be cozy against the chill rolling off the ocean.
“Wanna swim?” he asks.
Sinking deeper, eyes closed, you’re only thinking about how amazing your bed would be right at this very moment. “I want to go to sleep.”
“Studies show you sleep better after swimming.” Mingyu rolls up to his feet, grabbing you in an attempt to get you to agree. He knows you will. Wherever one is the other is sure to follow. It’s been that way since you two were in diapers and Mingyu started walking seconds after you only to chase you around the living room.
You’re deadweight in his arms as you respond,“How would you know? You didn’t go to college.”
“I’m just academically inclined.”
“My apologies,” you gasp. A swim does sound nice for your aching muscles. It’s been so long since you just enjoyed the water. Last time you swam was when you picked up a life guarding shift and an old man screamed bloody murder because he didn’t know how to swim; never mind he was in the shallow end of the pool. 
You finally rise to your feet and shrug off your shirt.
Mingyu joins. He doesn’t shy away as he drops his pants, his shirt floating to the ground next to it. You don’t stare. There’s no need when you’ve seen him nearly naked a million times. But you do catch him staring when you bend over to fold your shorts.
“What?”
Blinking out of his daze, Mingyu bolts for the ocean. “Last one in the water is a rotten egg!”
“You fucking cheater!” you scream and sprint after him. 
He’s far out by the time you catch up, where the waves are just starting to curl in on themselves. You both bob along to their rhythm as the tide pulls in and out. 
Mingyu dives beneath the water, breaching with his hair sticking to his face. His lips are wet and slick. Mingyu pulls you a little, brings you into his chest so the next wave you coast over together. 
You want to kiss him. 
It’s not a new thought; doesn’t surprise you one bit. His mouth probably still tastes like that last sip of chocolate shake. The first and only time you’ve ever kissed Mingyu you were both two out of it to actually appreciate it. It was poetically cruel to give your first kiss away to your best friend only for him to forget it the next day.
It’s easy to ignore the urge to kiss him. You’ve wanted to kiss him again for years. Touching him is an entirely different matter. You can touch Mingyu as much as you like, he likes it when you do and pouts when you don’t. You rarely shy away from a chance to let him touch you either. It’s never enough though.
You twist around him, clinging to his back. Ankles locked across his stomach, Mingyu pulls your hands in front of him and holds your hands; his thumb traces the knob of your wrist over and over in tiny circles. He definitely feels the way your nipples harden through your bra but has the courtesy to ignore it; lets you hide from the cold water in the curve of his neck.
“You need a haircut,” you say. You tug on one of the long locks hanging at eye level, and Mingyu shivers. With so much bare skin pressed against each other you feel the goosebumps blooming on his skin, and when you pull again to see what’ll happen he snatches your hand away and changes the subject.
“Are you gonna be good for the Open this weekend?”
“I’ll be fine,” you yawn. Mingyu pulls your legs tighter around his waist, bobbing you both amongst the waves. It’s dangerously relaxing. “I’m not losing to Seungkwan again this year.”
“We’re not losing to Seungkwan this year.”
“Damn straight.”
You float in silence. Mingyu keeps both of you above water. When you signal you’re ready to go he carries you out of the water, right up to where your clothes lay. He doesn’t let you down as he scoops them up and goes for his car. 
“Show off,” you mumble.
“What was that?”
“Nothing!”
You’re deposited on the ground next to the driver’s side door. Apparently he can’t hold you and dig up the spare towels he keeps packed beneath the seats. There’s no point in putting your clothes back on over your wet underwear so you ride back to the house wrapped tightly in a towel and Mingyu’s around his waist, chest completely bare.
You blast through a shower, done before the crappy water heated even has time to reach full potential which isn’t much because rent is cheap and your landlord cheaper. But you’re clean and that’s all that matters before you dress and crawl into bed, the door of your room still open. You catch Mingyu passing by on the way back to his room, towel around his neck and the cut sweat shorts he swears don’t need to be thrown out hanging low on his hips. 
“Where are you going?” you call. 
His head pops in, covered in shadow from the hall light. “You said, literally this morning might I add, ‘sleep in my room one more time and I’ll kill you.’”
“Yeah well,” you huff. “My feet hurt. So you can sleep in here if you give me a massage.”
He does and he doesn’t even complain while doing it. Mingyu closes your bedroom door, locks you both in the dark; sits at the foot of your bed, tugging your feet across his lap and setting to work. His thumb digs into the arch of your foot, malting all of your muscles into straight goo. You’ve never been more happy for his overly abundant body heat as he works his hands up your calves. He’s frustratingly attentive as you shiver and wiggle in blissful agony.
In the dark of your room, brain hazy with fatigue, you don’t care you’re moaning at the pressure of his palms working the knots out of your muscles. Mingyu doesn’t acknowledge it but he does knead a little bit hard and you sigh from relief. And then the bastard digs his thumb into that place behind your knee that's painfully ticklish.
“You asshole!” you scream, scrambling away. 
“What’s wrong? I thought you wanted a massage?” he laughs. You try to kick him but he catches your foot and pins it to his stomach. 
“I swear—Mingyu! Stop!”
Thankfully, he does after a few more pleas. You can’t even see him in the dark except for the reflection of the moon through your blinds that clues you into his silhouette. But you know he’s satisfied because he starts humming while massaging once again. It’s nice. You start nodding off to the soft strength of his hands and the rich sound of his voice.
Mingyu prides himself on doing a thorough job in everything so once your ankles and calves are worked into submission his hands reach higher. Almost like he doesn’t realize exactly where he’s going; who he’s touching as he grips just above your knee. Your legs part and Mingyu keeps going. 
Your best friend is beautiful and you love him. Of course, you do. Like every other time you’ve been turned on by him, you staunchly pretend it isn’t happening. Make up some excuse; biology, you’re in love with him. the fact you haven’t been laid in nearly a year, you’re in love with Mingyu, you’ve been drinking, your best friend has his hand beneath the hem of your pajama shorts and you’re in love with him.
“Good?” he asks.
Mingyu lingers there for a second. Then another one. You decide feigning sleep is the less awkward option than begging him to finger you until you can’t see straight. It doesn’t take much pretending; you’re bone dead tired and the second you let it filter in it takes control. Ever the gentleman, Mingyu removes his hands and climbs up to lay next to you.
You actually fall asleep curled against his back. It’s still too hot even with the ceiling fan on high so you both lay above the covers. 
The next morning you wake up the same as always, legs tangled, his chest to your back because Mingyu doesn’t understand personal space – especially your personal space. It’s fine. You’re used to it. It’s your day off which means it’s too early to be awake because it’s still dark in your room. If you try really hard you know you can fall back asleep until noon.
But then you feel exactly what woke you up.
Mingyu has a boner.
You reach back and pinch his side to wake him. You know he’s at least semi-conscious because he whines and tries to hide in your hair as you admonish him. “Get your dick off me.”
“Ignore it, he’ll go away,” his lips smack next to your ear.
“Mingyu,” you whine. “It’s gross.”
He falls back asleep without moving anywhere. If you had pushed at him he would’ve rolled over and given you his back to cuddle up against but you don’t so he doesn’t. You try not to think about how big he is. Or how your underwear are still a little sticky from last night. Or the fact your shorts rode up during the night and the only thing separating your ass from his cock is those damn threadbare sweatshorts. There is also the placement of his hand just below your boobs. Over your shirt because the universe isn’t that cruel.
It’s fine. It’s not the first time he’s gotten hard while sharing a bed. The first place you two rented - freshly eighteen and just starting to have a world without parents breathing down your necks - there was only enough money between you to split one bedroom and have enough money to afford a bed. Thankfully, Mingyu is the cleanest person you know so it worked without bloodshed but it left some very uncomfortable moments in the morning when you’d wake up from dirty dreams about your childhood crush only to find his face a few inches away. Or the other, more awkward, days when Mingyu’s body reminded him he was a hormonal teenager sharing a bed with a girl with zero supervision.
You both refuse to talk about it. Or the times either of you walked in on the other masturbating. 
True to his word, his dick softens against your ass and you try not to be a little disappointed. A world of possibilities if you weren’t terrified of ruining a life long friendship. You could roll over and kiss him. And if he let you kiss him then you’d want to touch him. If you touched him then he’d probably touch you back. In all the years you’d know him you didn’t take Mingyu for a selfish person; or a selfish lover. If he reduced you to a puddle with a simple massage last night then what else was he capable of? 
But you don’t want meaningless satisfaction. You want Mingyu. Everyday, all the time. One hundred percent completely yours. 
Eventually your alarm clock blares and Mingyu rolls out of bed; leaving you all alone as he heads out to work with the other two. You fall asleep once the front door slams shut.
Ten hours later, Mingyu isn’t home. No problem. He probably got roped into doing an extra shift or the last group he caddied for insisted on treating him to a drink. It happens. Often. 
You don’t worry until hour twelve rolls around and Soonyoung and Dokyeom aren’t home either. The restaurant  is closed by this hour, the last tables cleared out and reset for the next day. The pool is closed too. One of them should be home.
The house is too quiet without them. You try reading. Watching TV. Listening to music. Cleaning the kitchen. You try everything you can think of to make that horrible feeling in your stomach go away but it doesn’t.
Then the phone rings.
“Hello?”
The line cracks with a familiar voice. “Hey, it’s DK. Umm…”
“Where the hell are you guys?” you ask.
“Promise me you won’t freak.”
“You saying that pretty much guarantees I’m gonna freak.”
“Okay, listen, everything is fine. Mingyu is okay but—”
“But what?”
“He hurt himself on the course today and we’re at the hospital. Hoshi is on his way to get you right now.”
“What the hell happened?”
“Something twisted wrong or something, I don’t know I flunked out of med school.”
It takes Soonyoung fifteen minutes to get to the house but once he does you feel a little better. You don’t even get to ask before he’s talking.
“He’s fine,” he promises. “Just doped up on painkillers.”
“Did they say what’s wrong?”
“Something with his knee, nothing super serious but he’s supposed to stay off it for like a month or something.”
Soonyoung looks guilty as you take the keys and leave him behind but he has to be up in four hours when the rest of you don’t.
The hospital is nearly deserted this late at night, a few nurses in the parking lot smoking during their break but otherwise you're pretty much alone. Inside the reception area is all sterile lighting and pleather chairs in pastel pink and teal.
A woman in scrubs and feathered blowout sits at the desk answering phone calls and scratching through paperwork.
“I’m here for Mingyu. Mingyu Kim.”
“Room eight.”
You thank her and head back to search for wherever your best friend is holed up. It takes only a few walks around the corridor because unless he aged fifty years, the elderly woman in room eight is not him.
You find him and Dokyeom with their eyes glued to the TV, Scooby Doo reruns stealing their attention. You hover in the doorway.
Mingyu has his leg wrapped from mid-shin up his thigh, knee resting on a stack of pillows. His eyes are glazed from whatever pills the hospital staff gave him before your arrival.
Someone clears their throat behind you. By the scrubs you assume she’s the doctor. “Another friend of Mr. Kim’s?” 
“Yeah,” you nod. “Is he okay?”
“He sprained his knee. Nasty work but not fatal.”
“How?”
She shrugs, pen clicking in her hand. “Over use, stretched too far either side. Good news, he doesn’t need surgery.”
“So he’ll be okay?”
“Since he didn’t tear any ligaments I’d say a few weeks until he recovers, longer if he doesn’t rest properly. And I mean actually rest. At least a week in bed, and then two on crutches. Maybe three but he’ll be okay.”
Mingyu is fine. As fine as he can be with a bum leg for the next few weeks but fine nonetheless. You feel like you can actually breathe again, the anxious part of your brain proclaiming the worst finally silent.
“Alright, thank you.”
Weight off your chest, you enter the room. Dokyeom sees you first and bows out. He knows you’re planning to rip Mingyu a new one. Or cry. You don’t really do well when he’s hurt or vice versa.
Mingyu only notices your presence when you’re standing next to the bed, arms crossed, breath shaky.
“You’re mad,” he whispers, chin tucked to his chest like an upset toddler.
“I’m not mad.”
“Really?” He sounds hopeful, dumb puppy eyes round and wet like he’s ready to cry at the first sound of your disapproval.
“I was mad when you broke your arm because Jungkook talked you into boogie boarding drunk. I was mad when Wonwoo gave you a black eye from his Atari controller. I was mad when you, tweedle dee and tweedle dumb almost flooded the house. Now, I’m furious. What the fuck were you thinking?”
You’re mad because he’s in a hospital bed and you thought he died. And it terrified you.
“I didn’t do it on purpose!”
You break, shoulders sagging in defeat. It isn’t his fault. Freak accident, an overdue inevitable. “I know, I’m sorry. I just… you really scared me.”
“Do you want a hug?”
“Your leg is broken and you’re offering me a hug?”
He stares at you, eyes pretty and dark with huge pupils. “Dude, I’m so high you could tell me you crashed my truck and I wouldn’t care.”
“A hug would be nice.”
It’s uncomfortable to bend at the waist but Mingyu makes it worth it. Sweeps you into his chest, doesn’t comment on the hot tears that damp his neck and shirt but that might have to do with the fact he’s out of his mind. But he also brushes his hand through your hair and kisses the top of your head so it isn’t so bad.
“You didn’t crash my truck, did you?”
“No,” you snort.
You soak in it for a few minutes, let Scooby Doo fill the silence while you sniffle into his collar for a little while longer. And then you're shoving it all away with the realization Mingyu can’t work if he can’t get around the resort.
“Doctor said you’re out of work for at least a week. And after that you’ll probably be stuck in the laundry room because I doubt Jin wants you hobbling around the cabana with crutches.”
“Fuck,” he whispers.
“Yeah. Fuck,” you agree. “I’ll figure something out, take more shifts. Josh needs more surf instructors too so I can pick those up. Hoshi probably owes one of us money.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. It's just gonna be a tight winter is all.”
“What about the Open?”
“Jungkook can fill in for you. If we win, he takes half of your share. It’s better than nothing.”
He mutters something you don’t hear. Probably more high protests and apologies. It smells like antiseptic.
“Come on, let’s get you home.”
It takes three nurses, Dokyeom, a wheelchair, and an infinite reserve of your patience to get Mingyu in the bed of his truck. His knee is bandaged in the split so thickly he can’t move it and he’s too tall to sit in the passenger seat with his leg straight so the truckbed is the only place for him to go. You try to drive responsibly but it’s late and you're burnt out from a long day.
Back home, Hoshi is passed out in his room, the stink of weed warning you not to wake him. Dokyeom offers to help but thankfully, even high on painkillers, Mingyu acclimates to crutches enough to get from outside to his room.
“You smell,” you say to cut the tension.
“How am I supposed to shower like this?” He gestures to his leg. You know the warning signs of his temper. Mingyu will pretend it doesn’t bother him but it clearly does; having to ask for your help to do something as simple as shower.
“I could hose you down in the yard.”
He pouts. The meds must be wearing off at this point. “I’m sure that would make you feel better.”
“Nah, I’d be the one who has to clean you off the driveway afterwards.” You shake your head. The bathroom is small, the shower stall smaller but Mingyu needs a shower. “Give me a second.”
One of the plastic lawn chairs from the back porch fits perfectly in the stall. You lay out everything he could need: soap, towels, a trash bag to wrap over the stint. Then you head back towards your room to get him.
“Alright, let’s go.”
Mingyu hobbles alongside you, easily maneuvering the hallway but the bathroom is more difficult. There isn’t space for his crutches so he slumps into your side, way heavier than the time you had to drag him home higher than a kite. 
It’s claustrophobic with him basically on top of you but he’s capable of underdressing when you park him against the counter and focus on angling the shower head so he doesn't end up accidentally waterboarded. 
“Underwear stays on. I don’t want to see your dick.”
“Yeah, well, he’s pretty scared of you right now anyway.”
After helping him into the chair you leave him to his business with strict instructions to yell for you when he’s done. You use the time to clean your room. Clothes off the floor, bed made so he can sleep with a few extra pillows you snagged from his bed where you’ll be sleeping.
He’s got a bum leg, the least you could do is give him the better room.
You do everything the nurses told you. An ice pack and a hot water bottle all sit on the side table ready for Mingyu after you fish him out of the tub.
A yell of your name is your cue.
Mingyu sits soaked and pathetic. He couldn’t reach the towels you laid out, so you have to hand them to him. Turns out it’s also more difficult getting him out than in, you have to touch and pull and push him. His skin lingers with warmth from the water and a little slippery so it’s even harder. Mingyu is no help at all. A Great Dane who thinks he’s a Chihuahua.
He’s out like a light once he’s in your bed. Dead asleep beneath the covers with his leg sticking out to the side. You tuck him in extra tight, snagging the forgotten provisions and returning them to the kitchen. 
You come back to grab clothes and leave but Mingyu sits awake with the covers pulled back for you to join.
“Come on,” he beckons.
“I’m not sleeping in here.”
His eyes shoot open, attempting to sit up, “Why not?” 
“Your knee—” you start.
“Let me worry about my knee.”
Sure. Like that’ll happen.
“Physically impossible for me not to worry.”
“The doctor said it’s bad for me to be lonely.” He pulls the covers back again and your chest aches. 
“She did not.”
“She did too,” he grunts. 
“Fine. Close your eyes, I need to change.”
He zips them shut. Throws an arm over his face for dramatic effect. You rush into a clean shirt (his) and shorts and dive beneath the covers.
“You’re so far away,” Mingyu whines. 
“Mingyu stop!”
He doesn’t. He uses all those muscles against you and drags you up his chest. “Come here.”
“Happy?”
“Yep.”
Your head is cradled heavy on his chest, the argument dying out. He falls asleep quickly and you follow right behind.
In the morning, Mingyu complains about his leg until you leave for the last minute shift you begged off Chan. The next two days are the same. Mingyu stays on the couch or tucked away in your room while everyone else scrambles around him. Until the weekend comes giving all of you time off.
Saturday is the Open. The biggest doubles volleyball tournament on the beach, boasting a first place prize of two grand. Seungkwan and Seungcheol won the last two years and never let either of you forget it for standing a foot below them on the podium, firmly in second and a thousand dollars poorer than them.
Two years in second place buys you into the semi-finals. Thank god, because Jungkook and you haven’t played together in years and he’s an even bigger ball hog than you remember.
“Talk!” Mingyu calls from his chair like a washed up coach. You argued with him for hours over whether or not him coming to the beach was a good idea given he’s done everything but what the doctor recommended. But he’d be damned if you beat Seungkwan and he wasn’t there to gloat about it.
Dokyeom and Soonyoung serve as his assistants, hitting over the net while you and Jungkook scramble to dig every single one up like it’s do or die.
“That one was clearly mine!” Jungkook argues.
“It was going out of bounds!”
“It was close!”
It’s been like this all morning. While the other courts are playing to qualify you and Jungkook try not to rip each other's throats out. It’ll take a miracle to win a single point let alone the two matches you need to win.
You just want the day over with so you can drown your sorrows in a chocolate shake and think about how satisfying it would be to launch it at your friend’s head at warp speed.
The first game is hard and fast. Jungkook saves your ass more times than you can count, committed to winning even if it sends him crashing into the line of spectators sitting courtside. It doesn’t help you win the first set one bit. Jaehyun successfully blocks nearly every attempt Jungkook makes at the net and the ones that do slide through fly out of bounds.
You don't take well to failure and neither does Jungkook. 
Somewhere around the third rally of the second set you two find a cohesive back and forth. Jungkook digs a cut shot, you set him up and he’s there with a kill. It happens again. The third time Jaehyun gives up on sending it deep and drops the ball right over the net and the miracle you needed happens because you get it up enough for Jungkook to return it and earn the point. 
It starts to feel good. Adrenaline lifting you to the next level, vision narrowed down to you and the game. Lung straining, muscles burning, your skin hot from the sun. Your swimsuit leaves plenty of skin exposed to collect more sand with each impact on the ground. The wind picks up slightly, and turns the sound of waves and the crowd into one dull murmur..
You and Jungkook win two sets to one.
He’s sweaty and covered in sand when he sweeps you into a hug, a victory cry loud on his lips. It isn’t the final match but it’s the small victories that count. Jungkook loves winning, he only likes you and mostly for Mingyu’s sake. The friend of my boyfriend's friend is my friend too, or something like that.
Mingyu and Jungkook are the boyfriends.
On the side lines, Mingyu looks happy. Tired but happy. He’s like a king holding court, friends and strangers circling around him for an ounce of attention. Most of the people at the resort haven’t seen him since he busted his knee and check he’s okay. The others are out of towners attracted to a pretty boy with a sad cast and tendency to talk a mile a minute with anyone who’d listen. 
You push them all out of the way and celebrate with him.
“We did it!”
“Yeah,” he nods. That’s all the celebration you get from him before he’s on to the next game set to start in five minutes. “You and Jungkook need to keep Kwan from hitting. Serve short, hit deep.”
It's weird but you don’t focus on it. You need water and to get back on the court.
“Got it.” 
Seungkwan doesn’t shit talk. It’s mostly Seungcheol at the net trying to bait you into an argument while Jungkook readies to serve.
“How’s your boyfriend?” he jabs.
“How’s yours?” You focus on the sand beneath your feet, the breeze off the wave. He’s been trying to get under your skin with that line for years. It won’t work now. 
First point, you and Jungkook.
The next five, Seungkwan and Seungcheol.
The score goes back and forth, a slim margin for error as the number climbs closer to twenty-one. 
You hit the next set, aiming for the wide gap between Seungkwan and the line. The ball sliced across the net, Seungcheol misreading it by just a hair and the momentum of his block swinging him the opposite direction. It’s perfect. It heads straight for the line and lands without Seungkwan able to save it in time. 
The crowd breaks into applause. The official blows his whistle…
And calls it out.
“That was a touch! Are you fucking blind?” Mingyu yells.
You wince at the next whistle as she flashes him a yellow card.
Fuck. 
He’s up at the perimeter of the court fuming, hands on his hips through his crutches. You march right up to him, identical scowl.
“Mingyu, I swear if you get a red card, I will shove my foot so far up your ass—”
The whistle blows and Seungkwan serves without waiting for you to be ready. It’s a rocket right where you should have been standing.
Seungkwan and Seungcheol take the first match by four points.
The second match starts worse. You’re out of rhythm, fuming at blowing the last set. Jungkook fills in the best he can and keeps you two from totaling blowing it. Fifteen to seventeen with your serve.
You pop it over the net, Seungkwan reading it easily. But a last second gust pushes it of course.
Ace.
Lucky isn’t as strongly on your side for the next serve but it’s good enough. Jungkook passes. With a quick set, he rises above the net, hanging midair. A quick snap of his arm delivers a hit neither opponents on the other side of the net can reach. The ball slams into the sand right before the line.
It’s tit for tat. One up one down. Your body hurts, covered in bruises from diving over and over again but you don’t stop. Jungkook doesn’t either.
Match point comes swiftly. Seungkwan tosses the ball in the air and unleashes a deep serve. It’s fast but you’re underneath it but the angle is wrong. Jungkook dumps it over the net out of Seungcheol’s reach but Seungkwan is there. 
No one’s giving an inch. Just when the ball nearly drops someone picks it up. Everyone plays ugly, scrappy. 
A break comes when Seungcheol passes too high, right on the net. Seungkwan knows it, you know it. You race to joust. Pushing with everything you’ve got until the ball gives. It falls to the sand.
On the other team's side.
Everything blurs. You tackle Jungkook to the ground, cheering. Your friends race onto the court shouting. There’s a dog pile someone has to pull you out of because you can’t breathe underneath them all but you don’t care. Your ears ring, eyes nearly shut from how wide you smile.
You’re carried away for the podium ceremony, Mingyu nowhere in sight. It feels pretty damn good being on top. The heavy weight of the gold medal keeps you grounded. But your best friend is missing and a part of you is gone with him.
You don’t find him until the after party at the locals only beach. He’s got a red cup and a scowl on the tailgate of his truck. 
“Where’d you go? I didn’t see you at the podium.”
“You seemed fine on your own.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, I’m fine,” he mumbles into his cup.
“Why are you being such a Debbie downer? We won!”
“You guys won. I got to sit there and watch.”
“Okay? You’re still five hundred richer than this morning.”
“Party over here?” Jungkook interrupts. He’s got a joint between his fingers and a beer bottle. “Before I forget, this is yours.”
He shoves an envelope into Mingyu’s hand, taking the open spot on the tailgate next to him before laying back and looking at the stars.
“I’m gonna grab another beer.”
Mingyu moves surprisingly fast when he wants to. Even with crutches on loose sand he’s back by his truck and waiting for you to leave.  
“What’s got sand in his swimsuit?” Jungkook asks. 
“He’s just… bummed about not playing. It’s fine.”
Jungkook snorts in disbelief. “You think that’s why he looks like a kicked puppy?”
“Then enlighten me, wise one.”
“Why do guys do anything?”
“Because you all lack basic brain function?”
Jungkook rolls his eyes and takes another drink. “To impress girls.”
“I’ve seen your belching contests. Not exactly panty dropping material.”
“Okay obviously not that.”
You had no idea Mingyu meant to impress anyone today. He hadn’t mentioned it, usually he doesn’t need to. Some tourist in for the summer hanging off his every word gave clear intention where his interest laid but since his knee you saw all of zero prospects.
“You two are so fucking stupid,” Jungkoook snorts. “You, YN. He wanted to impress you.”
“That makes no sense.”
“He hasn’t had a real girlfriend since you two started living together.”
You take a long sip before answering.. “So? You haven’t had a real girlfriend ever.”
“Bitch.”
“Slut.”
“Mingyu wanted you two to win. Together,” he emphasises. “Because guys want to impress the girls they like.”
“Oh…oh.”
“Get it now?”
“How do you know?”
“If I have to have one more bro chat with him on how to tell you I’m going to take his crutches and beat him to death with them.”
“Got it.”
You despise the tiny part of you that screams like a little girl finding out her playground crush knows her name. He likes me! He likes me! She squeals, bubbling around your stomach like champagne. 
Drunk on the power itching at your fingertips, you turn to find Mingyu. He’s right where you know you’d find him, a log near the fire, tossing in tiny sticks and watching them disappear in the flames.
“Ready to leave?”
Mingyu nods and gets to his feet, crutches carrying him to his truck. You take the driver's seat and peel out of the lot. 
“How mad would you be if we took a detour?” you ask.
“I wanna go home,” he grunts, staring out the window.
“I want to celebrate with just you,” you share. “Please?”
He melts but clings to the stubborn tone. “Okay.”
Another night at the lookout except this time you’re the one cheering him up. You park his truck closer to the water, he can’t very well get in but you want him to be able to at least see the ocean. He hobbles around to the flatbed and plants his ass on the tailgate.
“I think I’m gonna swim.”
“Okay.”
You tug off your shirt, then your pants. Then your bra.
That’s what freezes Mingyu with bug eyes. “What are you doing?”
“Swimming,” you shrug. He catches your swim bottoms as you launch them at his chest. 
“Naked?” he squeaks.
“Who's gonna see?”
“Uhh, me?”
“So? Maybe I want you to.”
You step closer, hands on his spread thighs and squeeze. 
“What?”
Mingyu doesn’t look beneath your collarbone and you smirk.
“A little birdie told me you have a crush.”
His lips form around words but no sound comes out. Maybe you’re being unfair by standing between his legs completely naked, eying him expectantly.
“Do you?”
“I…” he chokes.
“Think about it,” you whisper. His lips are warm against yours, soft and yielding. Then, you turn to sprint towards the ocean.
Mingyu apparently comes back to himself quickly, sputtering and laughing as you disappear beneath the waves. “You can’t just do that!”
Late night swims aren’t as fun without him around to keep you warm. You dip under the water and come up with soaked hair. You only last five minutes before heading back to where he waits, all your nudity on display but Mingyu keeps his eyes on yours, beaming like an idiot.
The second you’re close enough he tugs you into his chest and kisses you. For real this time. There's more to it than simple payback. He kisses you long and hard, pours all his want into it and takes what you give him in return. His tongue rolls across your lip before you open your mouth, a moan bubbles from one of you.
“I can’t believe Hoshi got to kiss you before I did,” he sighs.
You nestle closer. Right into the warmth of his chest, the soft fabric of his baggy shirt and cologne better than anything else in the world. 
“What do you mean Hoshi kissed me before you did? You were my first kiss dingus.”
“What?”
“Ninth grade, Dokyeom’s parents went out of town and we raided the liquor cabinet.”
He stares back at you blankly. You’re still naked.
“You literally begged me to kiss you because you thought you had alcohol poisoning and would die.”
“Oh my god.”
You kiss his cheek and he loves it, pushing into your lips for more with a happy smile. 
“I knew you didn’t remember.”
You nuzzle down his neck, savoring the warmth of his skin against your mouth; nipping until he shudders. You want him as naked as you. But despite the beach being secluded it’s very much public and you don’t need to be caught the first time you get to kiss him.
“In my defense, I thought that was a dream.”
“How often do you dream of me kissing you?”
“Pretty often.”
“How often is that?”
“Almost every night.”
“You’re such a sap.”
He doesn’t deny it. He’s too busy cupping your face and kissing you again, less tongue and yearning; slings an arm around your waist forcing you infinitesimally closer. It’s sweet at first, lingering touch against your naked back. Catalogues the knobs of your spine with painstaking slowness. Lower. Your waist, the sway of your hips. Then he’s got his hand on your ass, a gentle squeeze of exploration, and you feel a little bit guilty such sweet kisses turn you on so much.
“Come on, let’s get home.”
You back away, snagging the blanket he pulled out earlier and hiding your body as he trails behind. “Are you gonna drive home naked? Because that’s a new fantasy I didn’t know I had.”
“How many fantasies do you have?”
“Where do you want me to start?”
“Calm down, Casanova,” you snort. You tug on the spare clothes collected in his truck; a holey, oil stained t-shirt and a pair of sweats. They smell like him.
“Hey.” Mingyu tugs your hand across the center seat and brings it to his lips. He’s blushy but it might just be from a long day beneath the sun. Or from the boner he’s not even attempting to hide. It’s cute. 
“Hey.”
“I do have a crush on you.”
“I kinda figured.”
“Since like high school.”
“Good,” you comment. “Same.”
An anticlimactic confession but it fits between the two of you. You’ve always been the black cat, a little more out of reach in terms of affection but Mingyu has enough words of affirmation for the both of you. You’re much more adept at showing him how you feel anyway. It’s why you’ve been playing nurse for the past week. 
He keeps your hands tangled the entire way home, slides closer on the bench seat so his side heats against yours. There aren’t many stop signs on the way home but the ones you do hit last longer than needed because Mingyu uses it as an excuse to tilt your face towards him and kiss you again and again. Your lips, your nose, between your brows; slowly, savoring every second.
He’s used to his crutches so getting into the house and locking the door takes only a blink. The other two aren’t home which is a blessing in a curse because in the dark of your room you realize it’s just you and Mingyu. No more barriers in the way, no one to interrupt. It’s unbearably awkward in a way it’s not been since you were nineteen and walked in on him rubbing one out of your shared bed at four in the afternoon.
“Um…”
“Yeah���”
“So,” you stutter. 
Mingyu takes it on himself to reign things in.
“You like me, right?” He doesn’t wait for a response. “And I like you. Well, love you and not just as my best friend but I probably shouldn’t say that—wait! Shit! I didn’t mean that. I mean I did mean that but I didn’t mean to say it.”
“Gyu.”
He collapses onto the corner of your bed, freaking himself out. Ripping his hands through his hair, continuing to panic. “Of course, I love you. You’re my best friend and—”
“Gyu.”
“And if you don’t want to try dating me that’s fine! I’d never make you do something you didn’t want to. I don't think I could, you’re pretty stubborn. Which I like! But—”
“Mingyu!”
“What?”
“Take a breath,” you command. You’re freaked out too but Mingyu’s worse at hiding his feelings. Always has been.
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine, just relax a little. Please. You’re freaking me out.”
A crash echoes from outside the door. Glass breaking and some loud curses of one drunken roommate and a decidedly sober sounding Dokyeom shushing him. 
“Sorry,” Mingyu whispers.
“So you love me, huh?”
“I—” he chokes, and then cuts himself off to nod.
Mingyu, who likes to pretend he’s cool and smooth, reduced to a tight bundle of nerves as he sits on the edge of your bed and waits for your response. He looks at his hands. They flex anxiously together as the silence stretches on. You decide on mercy.
“It’s okay. I love you, too.”
Mingyu’s head shoots up so fast you’re afraid he gives himself whiplash. All you can do is smile, embarrassed by the way he stares at you in awe.
“Really?” He’s already pulling you closer
Biting your lip to control the grin attempting to split your face in half, you nod gently. In his lap, you wrap your arms across his shoulders and say it again. It’s quiet outside the bubble you two have made for yourselves but you like his childish giggles as the only thing tickling your ears.
Innocent touching turns lewd in slow measures just like the beach. Your both more deliberate because getting Mingyu out of his pants is a team effort, underwear firmly in place because you haven’t decided if you’re going to fuck him yet. You want to. But they serve as reassurance you don't rush to a good ending. 
Your shirt comes off, then your pants. You shepherd him to the headboard. Fully naked in his lap, Mingyu traces his fingers over your softest parts. It makes you squirm enough you kiss him to break the itch in your gut from nearly innocent touching. But it only makes it worse. He kisses you with just enough vigor to tease; pulls you closer, a tight grip on your waist you’d struggle to break out of if the thought crossed your mind. A tug encourages your rutting against the hard tent of his underwear.
It’s so much better than anything else before. Mingyu seems to agree, panting and grunting against your throat. You could just do this. It’d be enough to come; more than, as Mingyu sinks down further in the pillows and sucks your nipple gently between his lips. His tongue rolls flat and hot against it before switching to the other one. Your jaw slacks, mouth dry from heavy breaths.
“F-fuck, Gyu.”
He sucks harder and your hips follow, the line of his cock beneath his boxers nothing short of incredible. You’re a little embarrassed from how wet you are. Wet enough to soak his briefs a shade darker. But Mingyu takes charge, manhandles you across his cock with painful friction that makes you limp and pliant.
“Oh my god, Mingyu,” you taper off in a moan. “Why didn’t we do this sooner?”
“‘Mingyu, it’s gross!’” he mocks and then hisses from your teeth on his neck. “Not exactly a confidence boost.”
“Yeah, well, I only said that because I wanted to you to—fuck—fuck me.”
Fishing his cock out from his underwear, you lazily jerk him to full mast which takes only seconds. Mingyu bucks into the swipe of your thumb. You move to suck away the mess collecting there.
“Shit! Ow! Ow!” he winces.
Immediately, you’re off him. “What’s wrong? Is your leg okay?”
Mingyu grits his teeth, head falling back against the pillows. “You hit my leg.”
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry!”
“This isn’t sexy.” He sinks into the mattress, hands hiding his frustration. 
He’s laying in your bed, in only his underwear and the pale moonlight sneaking through the window. You couldn’t disagree more.
“I don’t know.” You kiss his cheek. “It's kinda hot.”
“Oh yeah, it’s great that the first time I get to do anything I can’t even make it good for you.”
“Now, that’s just ridiculous.”
“Stupid fucking leg.”
“Alright, calm down.” You can’t help but laugh. You try to stifle it but he hears it before you do and pouts even harder. “Maybe we should wait.”
He's got you back in his lap, wincing through the sudden pressure on his knee. “No, it's fine! I promise!”
“If it hurts it’s not fine,” you admonish. Mingyu doesn’t let you go though. You don’t really want him to. “Just lay back and relax, okay?”
“What are you gonna do?”
“I’m gonna blow you  and then I’m gonna fuck you.”
You say it like a promise. Mingyu’s eyes widen, jaw dropping at your lewd threat. His cock twitches against your palm and you soothe it with a quick stroke. He ruts into it again.
“Oh.”
“Sound good?” you ask, another slick glide across the leaking tip. He’s shaking.
“Sounds great.”
You kiss down his front, raze a nipple with your teeth until he whines. Even with the order to relax his hands can’t stay still. On your back, in your hair, pulling at the sheets as you tongue across his abs. You’re nearly sent crashing to the floor while bruising his hip bone. 
This time, you’re extra careful when kneeling between his sprawled legs. Your ass high in the air for his pleasure, him sprawled out on the pillows for yours. He’s pretty. The moonlight slipping between the blinds casts him in a pale glow, lines of light crossing his body and illuminating all the best parts: tangled hair from your hands, swollen lips from your kissing, a splotchy hickey on his hip claiming him as yours.
His cock spills from the band of his underwear, hard and waiting. You keep watching as you suck the tip of it. His eyes open at that, watching you watching him and he can't decide if it's heaven or hell right there beneath you on the mattress.
“Oh my god.”
It’s slow work to roll his underwear down without jostling his bad knee but you distract him with teasing caresses of every newly revealed inch of skin. There isn’t much you haven’t seen but you’re eager to get reacquainted. Fingers, then lips, then soothing the sting of your teeth with some wet pecks. And then you draw his cock across your tongue for the first time and he jumps.
“Holy shit.”
“What?” you garble around a mouthful of cock. 
There isn’t really a good angle with his knee in consideration so the rhythm of your hand is lackluster at best. You make up for it with hollowed cheeks he can’t look away from, and he actually throbs between your swollen lips as your tongue traces every ridge and vein meticulously. Each time he starts to answer your question you suck the head until he whines.
“You’re…” he sighs. “this is gonna sound weird but I’ve only dreamed of you doing this since we were like sixteen.”
A brief break for the sake of your jaw gives you time to joke, “No pressure.”
“It’s already better than I thought if that means anything.”
“Stop being cute, I'm trying to suck your dick.”
You cut off his rebuttal with a swallow and his eyes nearly bug out from his skull at the sight. His hand rests on the back of your head, gathering your hair to keep it out of the way. “Is this…”
You nod enthusiastically before he even finishes his thought, mouth watering at the possibilities. You ache for it. You want him to call the shots and let you follow merrily behind, bent to his whim.
“Open your mouth, baby.”
You open wide for his cock to brush the back of your throat softly. Not too much just yet while he gathers the confidence to maneuver you the way he needs; the way he’s apparently been dying to for years. 
He’s got one hand on the back of your head, the other tangled in the sheets as you suck him rigid. Brace for a gentle gag, just enough for him to hear, and the taste of sticky pre-cum floods across your tongue. You get a few more drags of your tongue up the head of his cock before he leverages to grip in your head and pulls you off.
“Okay, okay. Stop.”
“What’s wrong? Is it your leg?”
Mingyu ignores your question. His only response is a sloppy kiss with too much tongue but you can’t fault him for it with the pleasant heat of his hands on your ass once more. 
“Wanna eat you out,” he grunts.
You snort at his optimism. “I can see some issues with that.”
He lifts you up his chest. It’s horrible that someone with a face like his is also a muscle pig who can bend you anyway he wants even with an injury; Jungkook fully to blame for too many workouts on the beach. Mingyu has you up his chest before you realize where this is going.
“Sit on my face.”
“I—” you blink. Porn isn’t a good reference for sex, not that you’ve seen much since the only TV sits in the living room. You’ve seen the magazines your friends buy as gag gifts though and the thought of Mingyu smothered in your cunt makes you sweat. “Are you sure?”
Apparently it’s a stupid question because Mingyu just pulls you further up until you’re kneeling over him and he’s got enough room to deliver soft licks to your core.
You don’t care how loud you’re being or the fact you share a wall with Dokyeom who doesn’t deserve to hear your pathetic moans in surround sound. Mingyu abuses your clit, sucks and licks and kisses with lewd vigor until you rut down into it.
You need a break. Just a second to regain sanity but Mingyu isn’t that generous. He holds you by your ass, palms it so hard you squeak as he moves you against his mouth, drops one hand when he’s confident you aren’t planning to run away again. The stretch of two thick fingers crook just right to have you seeing stars.
“Th-there.”
Mingyu hums into the sloppy mess of your cunt, holding steady as you fuck yourself along his face, tongue out to swipe messily at your clit. His head shakes back and forth and makes you whine to the ceiling fan. You savor the rhythm he sets, thick fingers working to prep you, stretching and spreading until your stomach dips. He knocks every tight noise in your chest out with each rush.
“That’s…Just like that. Gyu, please.” You nails scratch against the wall aimlessly. He stretches and stretches, molds you to him and every one of his whims. 
Until all you can do is snap.
You’re wobbly on jelly knees, clit numb even while Mingyu suckles against it softly for your come down. You roll off carefully to sit bubbly and golden back in his lap. Eyes closed, you lean blindly into his space and squish his cheek with yours.
He’s just as messy as you feel. Face wet, choked breaths and racing pulse, you deflate against each other. The bloodlust for satisfaction lulls to a simmer. You use it to enjoy all the warm skin on skin contact.
Aftercare comes in the form of lips dragging over wherever either of you can reach, no energy for real kisses just savoring the lazy motion. The hands that plucked you into a whimpering mess massage your thighs, your back; pull and tangle his fingers between yours.
“When my knee is better I’m gonna do that for an hour.”
“Lucky me,” you huff. 
You find his mouth, suck his bottom lip between yours until he demands more. His cock rests against his stomach, hot to the touch. Gentle at first. Teasing with a light brush of your fingers. Then getting a tight grip around him until he bucks.
“Want you,” Mingyu groans, pulling you further up his thighs. “Wanna fuck you.”
On your knees, you position over him to do just that but he stops you.
“Condom?” 
Good thing at least one of you is thinking because you didn’t even think about it. Your nightstand drawer is barren, not even an empty box left. Not a single condom wrapper in sight.
“Fuck. Do you have any in your room?”
He doesn’t. Which means you’re at the mercy of your roommates and their ability to practice safe sex.
You tug Mingyu’s shirt over head but even if it hides your nudity you smell like sex and have the glow on your features to back it up. There’s flaking pre-cum and spit against your chin.Whatever, you’ve heard your roommates howling like dogs enough times to earn your own night of debauchery.
“Hosh.” You rap on his door but he doesn’t answer. When you open it he’s face down in the pillow, trash can close by. You watch just long enough for his chest to expand to make sure he isn’t dead before prodding him in the side.
“Wha? What?” he mumbles through drool.
“Condoms?”
He stares at you with all the sentience of rock before answering. “I can’t sleep with you, Mingyu will kill me.”
“You stupid bitch,” you sneer, slapping him with his own pillow. “Where are your condoms?”
Soonyoung buries himself back into his sheets. “I don’t have any.”
“Oh my god.”
You fly out of his tiger den and to Dokyeom’s door down the hall.
“Kyeom?” You knock. “Dude, are you awake?”
He actually answers the door. His bedside light is still on, some comic book left open on his bed. “Is someone dead?”
“No. Do you have a condom?”
“For who?”
Your eyes roll. “Me, dumbass.”
“Who’s the guy?” Dokyeom looks at you like he doesn’t believe it. Maybe the walls are more soundproof than you thought.
“Mingyu.”
“Wait, really?”
“Yes, really! We can have girl time later, but I need a condom. Now.”
He forces his entire stash, an unopened 32-count box, into your hands before pushing you back into the hallway with a quiet ‘good luck.’
Your roommates are fucking weird.
Tucked back in the dark of your room, Mingyu is waiting.Blanket wrapped around his waist, propped against the headboard just like you left him.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” he smiles. He looks a little pathetic. 
“Did you know Dokyeom keeps a thirty-two pack in his room?” You hold up the evidence as proof.
“Apparently, he’s seeing some waitress at the Kellerman.”
“Enough times he needs a bulk box of rubbers?”
“Clearly not if he gave them to you.”
“I think it’s more like a ‘congrats on finally getting together’ present.”
“How thoughtful of him,” he snorts. “Now come over here. I missed you.” 
“Can’t have that, can we?” You kneel on the bed next to him. His hand sneaks up the back of your leg, beneath your shirt to cup your ass.
“Yeah, the doctors said it was bad for me.”
“Well if the doctors said…” You lose the thought in a gentle sigh against his mouth. Mingyu peels your shirt - his shirt - over head and banishes it to the floor. You're naked in his lap and he’s naked beneath you; it makes you clench.
He covers every inch of your naked skin in soft kisses, puffs of breath heating your neck as you stroke his cock hard enough to slip the condom on.
“Fuck, you’re so hot.”
You balance on shaky knees, sheathing him inside you in a slow descent. He wants to fuck up into you so badly. You can feel it in the way his hands squeeze on your hips, his stomach dips as you take more. Everything about Mingyu is big, including his cock. Big enough you could sit there all night and never get used to the stretch, or the way he whispers sweet praises into your temple.
Good girl. My favorite. Perfect for me.
When you finally bottom out, ass flat to his thighs, pressed tight to his chest, you whimper, “M-Mingyu.”
He groans into your cheek. “Love how you say my name.”
It’s all on you to make this good. You rock forward, instantly dissatisfied with the emptiness of your core and immediately moving to end the feeling. You grind on him and that feels better. He wedges deep and stays there; presses your buttons from the inside out as he mouths across your shoulder.
You’re so wet, soaked from his mouth, and his thumb takes advantage by gluing to your clit, tight circles that make you spasming. He guides you while nipping back up to your mouth, one hand heavy on your ass. 
“Oh, keep doing that,” he moans when your nails dig into his chest. 
The slap of skin against skin is background noise to grunts and groans and pathetic whines that meld between your mouths. Lightheaded, you aren’t even kissing, open mouths brushing against one another with narrowed vision. 
“Is it,” he gasps. “Is it bad if I ask you to turn around?”
“D-depends why you’re asking.”
“Wanna fuck you from behind. Wanna watch you take my cock.” He squeezes your ass to punctuate the request.
“Watch me like this.” You lean back, carefully to balance on the mattress and not his legs. Mingyu glues onto the unobstructed view down your front: your throat, your breasts, the way your cunt clings to his cock on the upstroke. “You like it?”
Hips finding a jilted rhythm, Mingyu snakes a hand up your chest and twists your nipple until you nearly collapse. “So good, it looks so good.”
“Next t-time,” you hiccup. “You can fuck me however you want. Want you to…fuck me from behind.”
He tugs the back of your neck. You collapse with the strength of his muscles and land nose to nose with him. 
“You’re so good— fuck, so tight for me. For me, yeah?”
You give a dumb nod, voice mute with the deep rhythm battering your walls.
“Say it. Say you’re mine.”
You can only nod again. Hair sticks to your sweaty face, a few rogue tears joining the mess Mingyu’s left on it.
“Say it, wanna hear you say it. Please.” He’s lost somewhere. Some desperate place that needs your validation.
You chant exactly what he wants to hear. Yours, yours, yours. A second duller bolt flashes through you, tensing every last muscle. Mingyu jolts from the tight squeeze gripping his cock. You give him the last sweep of your energy, bouncy wildly, fucking him quick and hard until your eyes cross.
“I’m—Mingyu, oh,” you whimper. You don’t stop even though your muscles object. Thrashing as you seize and come hot and wet. 
Mingyu’s got his hands to move you when your joints lock, a desperate race to his own end. He rubs you raw and red right to the core. You let him; still sobbing through the last pulses while he manhandles you over his cock roughly, slick with no resistance.
“Baby, fuck, feels so good,” he grovels, fucked out of his mind.
Your legs try to close, run away from the rush of even more stimulation, but Mingyu keeps you firmly pinned in place. He bites your neck, your shoulder, coming in thick breaths, hips stuttering while you sit there and take it. His fingers take advantage of the mess of your core but there's nothing left for you to give. Maybe later.
Mingyu gasps for air like he just did a deep dive. “Holy shit fuck.”
The touching doesn’t stop. You sweep your hands over his shoulders, cup his face, trace fingers of his stomach. Mingyu’s got one hand to keep you from pulling off his just yet, the other glued to the dip of your spine. Places forbidden to touch as just friends, now unlocked.
Condom in the trash, tissues for a quick clean up. You’re sticky in all the worst places but it’s a problem for later.
“So…when's our first date?” you ask him, cuddling back into the crook of his neck for the rest of the night.
“You. Me. Patty’s tomorrow morning.”
“Are you actually gonna pay for our food this time?”
Mingyu squeezes at your side, lips against your hairline. “You’re the one rolling in dough, Ms. Champion.”
“So I’m your sugar momma now?”
“That’s hot.”
The rebuttal dissolves on your tongue. You’re both deadweight. Sweaty and glowing in a pile of limbs, shivering beneath the ceiling fan. Mingyu is happy as your pillow, sweeping his hand over your back and hair as you crest sleep.
Turns out your room doesn’t get too hot with Mingyu sleeping in it if you’re both naked.
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curvykittyyssmutfics · 1 day ago
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baddie!Reader ft Nanami
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A/N: Depicted a few different body types in this one. Reaching out to all my faboulously-shaped curvy girls.
baddie!Reader that happens to stumble upon our resident Daddy inna local bread shop you thought to try out on the way home from a fun lil spa day. Clumsily colliding with Nanami after you recite your order and carelessly spin on your heel while taking a selfie. The piercing gaze as he looks down his sharp, straight nose at you has your coochie immediately screaming for a trip to pound 🍆 town 🍑 with extra turbulence ✈️ thank you very much.
baddie!Reader is so ready to slut Nanami's fine ass out within moments of meeting. Chiseled jaw. ✔️ Big hands. ✔️ Strong physique. ✔️ A nice fat bulge pressing against you gently as he holds you steady. ✔️✔️ You lick your glossy, lined lips and contemplate what position you're gonna fuck him in first, before even gettin this mans name chile!, when apologies stumble outta his pretty mouth. "Im so sorry. Please forgive me miss." Anxious eyes swiftly glancing at the outline of your nipple piercings.
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Oh yeah.. Looks like you already have this handsome new stranger wrapped around your pinky.
baddie!Reader plays up the innocent coy act when Nanami offers to buy you a drink for his transgressions, batting your lashes and talking all sweet so he lowers his guard. "So Mr. Kento.. There a Mrs. Kento waiting for you at home?" Biting your lip and dragging a finger down the tendons on his big ass hand. "N-no, ma'am, not married. No one else. Just me.." You giggle at his nervousness, flicking wavy bundles over your shoulder. "Good to know, handsome." Need I say you don't leave the cute lil shop till you get his landline and cell.
baddie!Reader waits a week before finally gracing Nanami with a call. He's in a state of euphoria, thinking you'd forgotten about your lil exchange. "I could never forget you, Mr. Kento." "Please, Nanami is fine." More of a plea to you really, seeing as everytime you call him that his dick swells till it threatens to burst through it's confines. "So, Nanami. Besides missin me, any plans today?" He chuckles at that. "None actually. It's my day off. Have a friend thats needs a favor later. Nothing else. You?" You guys chat till your phone dies, to which he simply finds and hits you up on your socials, continuing your carefree conversation effortlessly. And even when you tell him you gotta go he stalks your socials, drooling over every single photo youve post. Doesn't even realize he's groping his chub, gawking at a string of lewd roleplay pic.
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"Fuck me, babydoll, you're so fuckin gorgeous." Nanami huffs, pulling his cock outta his snug grey sweats. Unable to jerk it more than once before he's cummin like a hydrant allover his home office's desk, his nut spraying up your pretty face on his computer screen.
baddie!Reader that has a 6 sense of things and surprises Nanami with the perfect anecdote: a video call, late the same evening, teasing him in your sheer lil onepiece.
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Embedding the notion that you've been thinking about him non stop dizzying his brain. "Couldn't sleep right now, you're all I can think about handsome." "Really? About- urm.. What about me?" The sexy tilt of your head as you chuckle makes Nanami wanna lick a path down your goddess like frame, taste every inch of your supple brown skin. "Can show you better than I can tell you, Nami." Cute lil nickname falling from your lips effortlessy, compelling Nanami to squeeze at the base of his cock through his pants with a grunt, really hoping not to nut a minute into this intriguing call.
baddie!Reader feels empowered witnessing a calm, stoic Nanami Kento lose his shit. All it took was a bit of peer pressuring, a simple exchange of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." Now your kneeling at the edge of your bed, ass in the air as you ride slick fingers; laptop on the desk behind you, your new friend desperately pressed to the screen as he stares at the cream dripping from your slit to your wrist. "Wow.. You're so.. Wet. Never see one drip like that, honey. Hnnh.. Wish I was there with you, darling. Wanna make you cum for me so bad." Nanami's tortured groans join your noisy cunt, your empty insides fluttering to the wet sound of him fucking his fist. Fuck! Shameful you couldn't see him: his pinched expression, flushed cheeks, blonde bangs dusting his sweaty forehead, fat dick salivating, beating against his sticky palm as he begs you to let him see you cum.
baddie!Reader isn't satisfied from fucking your own fingers. Really puts on a show when you grab your heavy duty clit sucker. At first Nanami thinks he might prefer watching the prettiest chocolate pussy he's eva seen swallow up your dainty lil fingers over and over. That is, till you get your toy in place and all hell breaks lose! You're squealing and thrashing, moaning like his personal whore while squeezing a handful of your tit, repeatedly bucking your throbby clit into the intense suction. "Oh fuck- ohhhshit! Not gonna last, too fuckin close already, baby. Wanna see me cum, Nami? Hm? Use your words, handsome." You love how deranged he's become when obeying. "Yesyesyes! Show me how you do it. Spread those lips honey, wanna see it all." His bold ask is shocking. Gets you that much closer, so you spread your glossy fat lips and cream allover your pretty comforter, chanting Nanami's name like it's a fucking lifeline. You cum so hard you're just barely able to turn your head in time to see him stumble back from the force of his nut, eyes glued between your shaky brown thighs, thick cum spraying outta his swollen cock like a hose, the force of the pearly streaks of white blurring his expensive ass camera.
baddie!Reader sleeps like a baby after finding out you're the only bitch that's been made Nanami nut inna year. Wake up to tons of flowers and gifts on your doorstep, not even sure how he got your address, let alone delivered the costly mass before the sun rose. Oh well. You shrug, lugging your presents inside and reading the attached note. Roses are red, violets are blue, I enjoyed last night, how about you? Date at 8? Meet me at my place: [address] -Your Nami. Oh fuck yes! You like this daring side to the gentle man you met at the shop. Your quick to grab the closest jewelry boxes, kicking your feet while slipping on the thick diamond chains and watch, sending a quick text to your generous donor.
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Thanks for the gifts, Big Daddy. Love em! Can't wait till 8. See you then. 🫦👅🍆 xoxox, y/n.
baddie!Reader shows up fashionably late at 8:10, smelling like Chanel and looking like money.
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Nanami's brain short circuits soon as he opens his front door. He busted 2 fat ass nuts before you arrived yet here his is, bricked up in his black slacks within a nanosecond, silent tense ogling making you chuckle and sidestep him to enter his spot, gently tracing an acrylic across his buff pecs. "Gonna eye fuck me all night, or show me around Nami?" Soft teasing tone reminds him of the previous evening and he has to try counting all the curses he's killed to not nut untouched to your seductive charm. "Course, sweetheart. Look too damn pretty is all. That way, to the left." Nanami points, trying his best not to stare at the jiggle of your plump backside.
baddie!Reader thinks it's a real accomplishment that your actually able to put a muzzle on your greedy pussy, finishing the tour and dinner without try to suck Nanami's dick through his dress pants. It's so hard to ignore how Nanami oozines sex appeal and doesn't even know it! Kicked back on the sofa manspread, white button up rolled to his elbows, strong arms resting wide along the back of the sofa. You musta pressed your thighs together at least a hundred times, searching for the smallest bit of relief as he weaves an interesting intimate tale of who he is, though remaining somewhat vague about his work life. Then he's diving into you as much as possible before your suddenly in his lap, silencing his chatter with plush lips on his, swallowing his surprised grunt. "C'mon big Daddy, preciate your manners but I'm so fuckin empty inside. Lemme sit on it?" Nanami's deer in the headlights look as you massage his half-hard cock is a little less amusing this go around so your impatiently on your feet unbuckling Nanami's pants and yanking them to his ankles. "No underw- oh.. Fuuuck.. Really are Big Daddy, huh? Think you're gonna stretch me out sooo good. Ready to get your dick wet, Nami?"
baddie!Reader most definitely bit off more than you can chew messin with this man! He fucks you like a demon, making you embarrass yourself by bussin on his wide mushroom tip the 3rd stroke in. Now he's standing in front of the couch, forcing you to bend and grab your ankles; gripping your tiny lil dress thats pulled up to your neck, yanking you back on his thick dick, completely unremorseful how he digs into you. His tip knocks into your spongey depths and steals your breath. You wanna stop squealing, but it feels like he's in your fuckin throat. "Na-na-miiiii, uhn, pleease, baby! S-slow down, gonna break meee!" But Nanami's lost his composure completely, growling in agreement, eyes crazed with the pressure compressing his girth. "No, y/n, nuh uh. No man could do that. Pussy's way too damn good.. You don't know what you're askin of me, sweetheart." It's a luxurious squeeze he couldn't dream up of if he tried, guts brewing with the sweetest nut he's eva felt. He's so selfish in this moment, reaching to pull you inna mean arch by your dark soft bundles, speeding the clash of his powerful hips against your round ass. You're reaching back, holding at Nanami's wrist, pleas babbling into nonsense as his length swiftly pounds inside, beats your syrupy lil pussy up till your eyes cross. "Shitshitshit! Haaah.. H-honey? You on birth control? Mm? .. ahhh-! Y/n, darling! Please tell me I can't knock this good ass pussy up.. Cause I'm gonna cum." Unaware that you're zoning out; legs numbing, tongue wagging, the grip on your fit and hair the only support keeping you upright. "Y/n, babydoll.. Need you to answer- FUUUCK!" You're spontaneous orgasm has him jackhammering your poor lil pussy a dozen more times before convulsing, jabbing in once more, grinding a fat load so fuckin far inside you. Prolongs your bliss seeking his own, abandoning your dress to wrap around your tummy and pull you close. "'M so sorry, darling.. Don't know what came over me. You okay?" He murmurs at your ear, still pumping you full, smiling triumphant when you hum at him uselessly, head lolled back on his shoulder. "Heh.. Fucked you up good, didn't I?" You don't even hear his taunts, fat dick penetrating you so deep you think cums gonna spill out ya ears.
baddie!Reader that breaks Nanami's heart by not spending the night after the way he molded your coochie to his cock. But chu a bad ass bitch that leaves em wantin and much as you like Nanami, that shit ain't gone change. He still blows you up by the time you get home and your pussy pulses sore soon as you text and he asks when he can see you again. You tell him you're free next week to which he promptly freaks the fuck out and calls you. "Just kidding, Big Daddy, damn.. Got a few errands to run in the morning but you can come over after." Nanami's got no shame in thankin you profusely, promising to get you a copy of his black card tomorrow if you let him swing by in the morning instead. His filthy ass even has the nerve send one last text when y'all finally hang up:
NomNom: Should've spent more time on those pretty tits 2nite. Send me sumthng to say gn, sweety.
You: Yes, Nami. 👩🏾‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼
You: [y/n has sent a photo]
A/N2: Should we part 2 it?? 🤔
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daisymbin · 2 days ago
Note
30. "is that my shirt you’re wearing?"
reader visits jun at practice and the members tease him about it
so cute!! thank you for requesting 🥰
request your own: full prompt list!
check out my masterlist! // jun's m.list
fluff prompt #30: "is that my shirt you're wearing?"
jun wiped the sweat from his brow, glancing at the mirror as the music faded. practice had been relentless today, but he couldn't help the way his thoughts wandered. he was exhausted, but a small part of him hoped you might visit. it had been a long week, and just seeing you always made him feel lighter.
the studio door creaked open, and jun turned instinctively. there you were, peeking inside with a small smile and a bag in your hand.
"oh, you're here!" minghao announced, a sly grin spreading across his face.
"your girlfriend is here, jun!" jeonghan added, earning a round of chuckles from the others.
jun ignored them, his face lighting up as he jogged over to you. "hey," he said softly, his voice dropping just enough that only you could hear.
"hey you," you replied, handing him the bag. "thought you and the guys might need some snacks."
jun peeked into the bag, his smile growing. "you’re the best."
"leave me some!" seungkwan called from across the room, already making his way over to snatch a snack.
you laughed, and jun felt his chest tighten in that familiar, fluttery way. but as he looked at you, something caught his eye—a shirt he recognized.
his shirt.
"wait," he said, tilting his head. "is that my shirt you’re wearing?"
your eyes widened slightly, but you recovered quickly, a teasing smile playing on your lips. "maybe."
jun blinked, caught off guard. "but... when did you even—"
"last time i stayed over," you interrupted, folding your arms casually. "it was comfy, so i borrowed it."
"borrowed," he repeated, a playful edge to his voice. "you mean stole."
"you weren’t using it," you said with a shrug, clearly enjoying the way his ears were turning pink.
"it’s not fair," he mumbled, more to himself than you.
"what’s not fair?" you asked, leaning closer.
"that you look better in it than i do," jun said, his tone somewhere between genuine and dramatic.
the rest of the members burst out laughing, and you both turned to see them watching like an audience at a live show.
"ew jun is whipped," soonyoung said, shaking his head.
"hmm and proud of it," jun shot back, unbothered by the teasing.
you rolled your eyes but couldn’t hide your smile. "you’re ridiculous."
"ridiculously in love," jeonghan added, earning a collective groan from the group.
jun reached out and tugged gently at the hem of the shirt, his fingers brushing yours in the process. "it suits you," he said, his voice quieter now, just for you.
"thanks," you replied, your smile softening. "but i can give it back if you want—"
"no way," jun cut in quickly, shaking his head. "it’s yours now. but you have to wear it all the time so i can brag that it used to be mine."
"okay," you said, laughing.
the guys groaned in mock disgust, retreating to give you two a moment. jun reached out, brushing a stray hair from your face, his eyes warm.
"thanks for coming," he said softly. "it made my day so much better."
"anytime," you replied, the sincerity in your voice making his heart skip a beat.
and as the teasing continued in the background, jun decided that this was his favorite shirt—not because it was his, but because it looked so good on you.
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Text
period madness (TF Prime)
featuring - Optimus Prime x F!Reader, Bumblebee x F!Reader, Smokescreen x F!Reader, Knock Out x F!Reader, Soundwave x F!Reader, Shockwave x F!Reader, Wheeljack x F!Reader
summary - your Cybertronian partner finds out just what a human woman's period entails.
warnings - none
a/n - Knock Out's takes place when he defects to the Autobots. also, don't fight me, these are based on my experiences and what helps me.
OPTIMUS PRIME - cramps
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While he may not fully understand what's going on and what's happening to your body, he is still extremely attentive and supportive. He is there to provide any comfort you need, and will not hesitate to take one of the other humans out to a convenience store if you need anything. He knows when it's that time of the month because he'll walk into base after another mission and see you laying face-down on the couch.
"Are you okay, (Name)?"
An unintelligible grumble from you was the only response, before Miko spoke for you, "Her cramps are bad this month. Really bad."
Optimus looked back at your figure, then reached over the railing to carefully lift you into one of his servos, ever the gentle giant. If there was one thing he did know during this time, it was that you were somewhat appeased by warmth.
"How was the mission?" You finally looked up at him, eyes glassy with tears from the pain.
"I shall tell you all about it when you are warm and comfortable," the Prime replied, taking you to his room in the base and laying on his berth. He lay you on top of him, right over his spark where it was warmest. "Is this better?"
"Mhmm, much," you sighed in relief and satisfaction, curling up on his warm chassis. "Thank you."
"My pleasure," he smiled, happy that your pain was eased, if only slightly. "Today was quiet, no sign of Decepticon activity. We found an empty Energon mine that had been stripped entirely of its contents."
"Aw, man," you empathised, "I hope you guys find some soon. But I welcome a quiet mission, as opposed to you going out and getting hurt."
It warmed his spark to know that even while you were in pain, you still worried about him getting hurt. He knew you cared very much for him and the team, but he was unaware it was to this extent. He carried on with his story, explaining how they had found something more disturbing than an Energon mine filled with cons. You listened intently despite being overwhelmed by pain in your uterus, happy to be distracted by one of his tales. And it always helped that you liked to listen to his deep voice, because it was soothing to hear.
BUMBLEBEE - emotional
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Bumblebee knows a bit more than Optimus, but less than he feels he needs to. So a few days before your period, when you exhibit the warning signs, he asks Miko - with Raf as translator - to help him with research on the topic so he's better prepared to help you. He doesn't want to let you know he does this, but you know and you think it's very cute. And sweet.
He knows when you have it, because on your first day you storm into base looking for him and you cling to him like a little koala. He has no complaints of course, until you end up crying into his arm.
Immediately he's concerned, his little beeps translating in your mind to 'are you okay?' Apart from Raf, you were the only human who could understand what he was saying. Neither of you knew why, but it was so convenient and a happy coincidence that you never questioned it.
"Today I saw a duck," you sobbed, "And you know, it reminded me that Jasper doesn't even have ducks because we don't have any lakes and..."
You rambled on and on, tearfully so, while Bumblebee shot Smokescreen a confused look. Your guardian shrugged.
"She's been emotional all day."
The scout turned his attention back on you and held you up, whirring and beeping in concern. You stopped whatever story you had launched into afterwards and looked at him, before your eyes lit up.
"Ice cream? That sounds great!"
Bumblebee beeped and whirred again, telling Smokescreen where you two were going before transforming and driving off with you. He played some of your favourite music, and eventually you calmed down enough to look at birds and not burst into tears.
Once you had your ice cream, he took you on a nice, long scenic drive. The long way back to the base. You relaxed in his passenger seat, happily eating your cold treat.
"Thanks, Bee," you smiled, "I can always count on you."
The scout beeped back that you're very welcome and he'd do anything for you. And he mentally thanked Raf and Miko for telling him that ice cream might be a good idea for mood swings.
SMOKESCREEN - cravings
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The newbie is not as great with human beings as he'd like to be. He'd had to learn a lot since coming to earth, and one of those things was to navigate a relationship with a human being. One that was both his girlfriend and his charge. So throw periods into the mix and you have...a very very confused Autobot. He knows absolutely nothing about periods, stemming from his lack of knowledge about the human anatomy.
"So...why don't human guys bleed?"
"SMOKESCREEN!" You protest with a burning face. "You can't just ask that!"
"I...thought it was a valid question?"
You sighed, "Men don't menstruate because they don't have to have babies." At his clueless expression, you added, "They don't have to give life to what you call sparklings."
"Ohhhh..."
He still didn't understand. Nonetheless, he was eager to help. Anything you asked of him, he tripped over himself in his rush to do it. Anything you wanted or needed, he found a way to get for you. Hugs and kisses? Of course! Cuddles? He would never say no to that. He had grown so fond of and attached to you that he was even clingier than you were on your period. But you thought it was sweet.
"So it hurts...here?" The giant mech prodded your uterus, gently.
"Mhm," you nodded, devouring a slab of chocolate Jack had given to Smokescreen to give to you. "Hey, don't poke me!" You smacked his servo away.
"Sorry," his faceplates burned in embarrassment.
He watches you happily munch on your chocolate, amused that such a small thing could appease you when just moments ago you had been screaming at Ratchet for not knowing about female human anatomy.
KNOCK OUT - body pain
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Knock Out knew humans were fragile. He's used that against the Autobots multiple times when he was a Decepticon. But now that he's become an Autobot, he has to be extra careful around you, Jack, Miko, Raf, June and Fowler. Especially you. But it seemed that every month you would go into a state where your body hurt for no reason at all, and it wasn't until June explained to Knock Out what you were experiencing that he finally understood.
"(Name)! Are you okay?!" The medic panicked, rushing to your side the moment he heard a pained whimper come from you.
You were trying to roll over on the couch, but sharp pain erupted in your lower back causing you to let out that sound. You looked up at your concerned boyfriend, pretty optics putting you at ease.
"Mhm, just really sore."
Knock Out looked at June in desperation, and the older woman laughed at the fact that he had once kidnapped her and forced her to play a crueler version of hide-and-seek, but now he was desperately seeking her medical advice.
"I'll get some painkillers and water that you can give her," the nurse stood to go retrieve those items.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" He asked you in the meantime. Knock Out hated feeling useless, helpless, which was a side effect of being criticised so often.
"Pick me up?" You suggested.
The bot was more than happy to oblige, lifting you onto his servo with surprising gentleness. You happily laid on your back on the warm metal, sighing contentedly until your head started to hurt.
"Maybe also poke me in the head?"
"What?! I could kill you!"
"That's kind of the idea. My head is already doing that."
"I will not terminate the one good thing I've managed to earn, thank you very much," he insisted, cooling his free servo and pressing a non-lethal part of it to your temple. "That better?"
The pain in your skull receded, and your body relaxed, "Oh, much better. Thank you, Knock Out."
The bot beamed at the grateful response, "You're very welcome!"
June returned with the painkillers and a bottle of water, which Knock Out carefully handed to you with the servo he had used to ease your headache. He watched you intently as you took the medication, before lying back down on his palm.
"Now just hold me."
The former con eagerly obeyed that command, even taking you to his assigned room in the base and laying with you on top of him on his berth. He placed a servo over your smaller frame, practically blanketing you with it. He further eased your pain by slowly running it up and down your back, gently and affectionately caressing you. The mad doctor had truly changed for the better.
SOUNDWAVE - nausea
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Soundwave had taken it upon himself to learn about humans when he'd first taken you. So he knew very well what the warning signs of anger, hunger and cramping meant. He was well-equipped to help you, because this bot is hardly ever ill-equipped for anything. He searches the human internet for things he can do to help ease your pain and make this uncomfortable period of time more bearable for you. So you usually find stuff you need and crave during your period already laid out on his berth when the first day comes.
The Decepticon walked into his berth one of those days to see you happily munching away on the snacks he'd gotten Laserbeak to acquire for you. Speaking of the little bird, you were laying atop one of its wings, and Soundwave always liked to see how comfortable you were around it.
But then a weird look came over your face, and you turned a little sickly. The bot worried that the snacks had done something to you, but you just set them down and curled up, breathing in and out deeply. Soundwave was by your side in a second, touching your shoulder in concern.
"I'm-I'm fine," you reassured him. "Sometimes I just get nauseous. And sometimes it's the snacks that I like that cause it. I can't explain it."
The silent Cybertronian nodded to say he understood, before scooping up into one servo and soothingly rubbing your back with the other. Then he handed you a sugary drink he'd also obtained for you, his screen showing you research saying that something sweet and fizzy might help.
You smiled at him and took the drink, taking a few sips and finding that he was right, "Thank you, Soundwave. I can always rely on you."
His screen showed something else now, a bright red heart. Your cheeks heated up, and your smile became flustered at the gesture. Despite being committed to not speaking at all, he could be expressive and sweet when he wanted to be. His actions always told you more than his screen did, though.
SHOCKWAVE - bodily insecurity/bloating
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Like Knock Out and Ratchet, Shockwave is scientifically and biologically knowledgable. He's an expert in all things physical and mental. Unfortunately, he spent so much time on a dead Cybertron that he was completely helpless when he first got attached to you on earth. Fortunately, he was a quick learner and very studious. Meaning he found out pretty quickly what he was meant to do during a time like this. Though sometimes, you still confused him.
Like now, when he walked into the room to see you sitting in front of something that mirrored your reflection. You were frowning and poking your midsection, eyes becoming glassy and bottom lip trembling.
"What has happened?" The intimidating Decepticon approached. "Are you hurt?"
"No," you wailed. "I'm getting fatter!"
"..."
Shockwave was, well, shocked. He never thought once that you were a displeasing weight or size, and he would never mind or care if you were picking up weight. But in this case, it was not true.
"Little one, that is a most illogical statement," he picked you up with his one servo. "You are not looking any different."
"Then explain this!" You cried, poking your stomach again.
Once more, Shockwave failed to see the issue, "You are perfect, my little human. There is nothing wrong with you."
"You're just saying that!"
"Have you ever known me to lie?"
"No..."
"Then cease your worrying," he reassured you. "I understand that on your...period, as you humans call it, you may feel bloated. But that does not mean you have increased in size. It is normal, and it will go away."
That was...oddly comforting.
"Thank you, Shockwave. That means a lot coming from you."
"Good. Now stop crying, little one. I have something to show you."
WHEELJACK - anger/frustration
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Wheeljack was generally a lot more sensitive and considerate towards you than anyone else on base, but that doesn't mean that he was perfect. There were times when he didn't mean to offend you or incite your fury, but his actions or words that just tumbled out of his mouth left you shaking. He wasn't aware of human periods until Miko told him about them when you'd first started dating him, but he still continued to piss you off.
"WILL YOU STOP FOR ONE SECOND!" You screamed at the Wrecker one day while you were lounging in front of the TV while watching Jack and Raf play video games.
Wheeljack and Bulkhead were lobbing a giant ball of metal around, as they tended to do every other week, and Bumblebee and Smokescreen had been tempted to join. They promptly changed their minds at the sound of your yell and the glare on your face.
"Sweetheart, we're just playing around," Wheeljack responded calmly, shrugging your attitude off. Bulkhead got nervous, though.
"Well could you go play somewhere else?!" You snarled, rubbing your temples. "You're making my headache even worse!" You were usually irritable on your period, so Wheeljack took this as a sign.
He sighed, "Would you stop being such a buzzkill?"
Dead silence. Everyone beside Wheeljack froze up, knowing that was exactly the wrong thing to say to you at this time. Your eyes narrowed, and you stood up so fast your head spun.
"Well if I'm a buzzkill then I'll just leave!" You spat, storming down the stairs while trying not to burst into tears. Both angry and sad.
"Sweetheart, I didn't mean that," the bot immediately regretted his words, spotting your glassy eyes. "Come here."
"Go away!"
He sighed and grabbed you before you could leave the base, "Where are you going to go? There's nothing but dirt outside this base, sweetheart."
"I'd rather walk across the desert than spend more time arguing with you," you grumbled.
"Alright, alright," he relented. "I'm sorry. Can I make it up to you? We'll go sit in my berthroom and I'll project your favourite movie onto the wall."
"...Fine."
Wheeljack was an idiot, and impulsive, but he sure knew how to charm his way back into your good books. He cuddled you and rubbed your uterus for you, getting help from Miko to get you snacks that would keep your temper at bay.
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digitaltaesan · 2 days ago
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── HE’S SOMETHING
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in which PARK JISUNG stumbles across his girlfriends diary, finding multiple journal entries about him.
PARING: bf!jisung x gf!reader
WORDCOUNT: 664
GENRE: established relationship, fluff fluff fluff, lovesick reader
WARNINGS: short and sweet :]
NOTE: part of my series yel express :>
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today is our anniversary and i can’t help but dream about our future. i hope i’m not getting too ahead of myself.
but it just seemed perfect. a life where we graduate and move in together. of course i get the ride side of everything. he doesn’t oppose, like the gentleman he is.
before jisung i felt like i wasn’t worth of love. it was hard, watching everyone around me move forward and fall in love. but i was stuck in the same spot—stuck by myself.
when he came into my life it felt like heaven. he made me laugh, made me see the true beauty in myself.
without jisung, i don’t know where i’d be.
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today i find myself reflecting on the chaos of my life—love has always been an interesting one. it sneaks up on you, sometimes when you least expect it.
i remember when i first felt what I thought was love—it was overwhelming to say the least. it was like everything in my world became brighter, but also more complicated.
love has this ability to make everything feel alive, but it also has a sharp edge. the vulnerability it brings, the fear of loss, it’s almost as if i’m willingly walking into a storm. and then there’s the joy, that sense of being seen, understood, and held by another person. it makes me believe that love is worth all the highs and lows.
but then there are feelings—those subtle, silent guides that whisper to me, shaping my decisions without me even realizing.
sometimes, it’s a soft warmth that tells me everything is okay, and other times, it’s a deep ache that makes me question everything.
i’ve learned that feelings aren’t something to be ignored. they carry messages. they tell me when i’m out of alignment with myself, or when i’m not allowing myself to feel all that I need to.
sometimes, i wish i could control them better—hold back the tears when they come or stop myself from feeling so much.
but without feelings and love, i wouldn’t have stumbled into jisung. and every time i think of the moment we first met, i never regret it.
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there’s something so exhilarating about the feeling that everything’s new again. it’s like i’ve stepped into a world where every moment sparkles with possibility.
ever since he came into my life, it feels like i see the world differently. it’s as if everything, even the most ordinary things, carry a new kind of magic when he’s around.
when we’re together, even the simplest moments feel full. i never thought i’d find someone who makes life feel so alive, never thought i’d find jisung.
i used to believe i could find contentment on my own, that i didn’t need anyone to change the way i experience life. but then I met him, and suddenly everything’s better.
the way he laughs, the way his eyes light up when he talks about his dreams, the way he listens when i share mine—it all feels like a dream.
i never knew life could feel this bright. he’s brought a warmth into my life that i didn’t even know was missing. everything feels lighter, more vibrant, more hopeful when he’s by my side.
it’s strange how quickly someone can come into your world and change the way you see it. i find myself looking at the future with more excitement than i ever thought possible, simply because i can’t imagine it without him.
everything feels better with him—every smile, every conversation, every shared glance. there’s a sense of peace that comes from knowing he’s there, making everything feel right.
it’s funny, because before him, i never imagined this kind of connection. i didn’t know how much of a difference it could make to have someone who just fits, like two pieces of a puzzle coming together. life has a way of surprising you, and i’m thankful every day that he’s part of my surprise.
surely, definitely, he’s something
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©https//www.digitaltaesan.com
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pickyourpoisonandevolve · 2 days ago
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Thanksgiving Drabble w/ the 141 + Black Reader
Notes/warnings: just a fluff piece from me. I don’t know how to do drabbles/imagines but I SURE DO enjoy reading them and I have a brain baby to birth. Idk if this is TOO specific for a drabble but reader is black/female/american. Because those things aren’t often represented in these! And also I can do what I want at the end of the day. Just… just walk with me here.
The military is an easy place to forget that your squadmates are real actual people with families and backgrounds, on account of the inherent assimilation. Not that it wasn’t needed, but you get so busy creating your own language and communication styles that I think being able to express cultural habits and likes get a little seldom.
All that to say, you and Gaz LOVE to cook together, as it makes you nostalgic for your respective families. And you’ll be damned if these Brits make you skip Thanksgiving. The rest met your enthusiasm with “fucking Americans” but Gaz thankfully was more than happy to join you in the prep, you both bonding in hatred for the same old shit from the base kitchen. But most of the base is gone so you lot have the kitchen and common room to yourself, and that means you and Gaz are making a FEAST.
Pulling greens, the dishes that take 6-8 hours to make, the shit talking, the hyper specific recipes that you bicker about, the music played. You both are IN IT, and Johnny, Simon and Price didn’t have anywhere else to be, and are more than happy to eat what you make. (As they aren’t the most talented cooks of the bunch) Sausage rolls and chip buttys a Thanksgiving does not make.
It tickles the other three to walk by occasionally, listening to you to just… talk. And vibe. About old experiences, moving in tandem, bitching occcasionally. It had a spooky parallel to how you all worked in the field, seamlessly in sync, but the juxtaposition of it being wholesome. You all got to live in a temporary bubble of normalcy and domesticism. Like a big weird family, you could forget you all killed people for a living.
Price had shit to do, so he did flybys through the day, but they increased in frequency as it went on, his smile growing each time. His little grinch heart growing, seeing his team get along. You tossed cookies at him, hoping to get a rise out of him, but all you were met with was a “thanks, love” and a wink. You made a mental note to do that at a frequency of everyday forever.
Soap didn’t want to miss anything (or feel left out) so he kept to his favorite things: “watching TV” aka TikToks and passively watching a show, interjecting in conversations and stealing food when no one was looking. (Everyone was looking and he was slapped and yelled at A LOT)
Ghost was just unfamiliar with this intimate of camaraderie. He stopped in occasionally for tea, which Gaz and you started making for him. You could see his little eye crinkles as you prepared his tea just like he liked it.
Gaz and you started singing together as you plated the meal on the kitchen island. The rest of the team was holding a flight pattern in the common area, pulled in like the smell lines in an old timey cartoon, scotch already prepped and poured. But there was a moment where you two got swept up in your comfortability, and started singing in earnest. (This song in particular) You two didn’t make it a habit of getting too relaxed in front of the others, big tough soldiers and all, so this was a rare, near nonexistent sight.
Better days comin' for sure
If this world were—
If it was up to me
I wouldn't give these nobodies no sympathy
I'd take away the pain, I'd give you everything
I just wanna see you win, wanna see
If this world were mine
The three on the couch looked back with open mouths and smiles as you carried on. Literal years you all have worked together, how did they not know you two sang, and HARMONIZED? Did you practice?
You noticed first, brought back to reality and almost dropping a dish. Scandalized! Embarassed! Blushing furiously! Gaz thankfully was impervious to their bullshit, and told them to fuck off and come eat. Typical soldiers, couldn’t sit down proper for anything, food included, so you all settled into conversation and a full meal standing around the island. Enjoying the bubble, enjoying the peace, enjoying the moment.
Johnny, Price and Simon graciously offered to do dishes and clean. (Leftovers for days!) And after a while, you all dispersed. Soap stole a half of a pie and was inbound on falling asleep with his pants unbuttoned on the couch. Ghost was tactically figuring out how to look aloof and fall asleep on Soaps shoulder. Gaz had family (and a lady, you suspected) to FaceTime and Price hung behind you on the way to the barracks. Before you made your good nights, he offered to share a new bottle of bourbon his Nan sent in his room. Super casual. No pressure. Maybe he could hear your pretty voice sing just for him this time.
(This Drabble is sponsored by holidays, KDots new album, and an excuse to flirt with Price. Happy Thanksgiving, Americans are all on native land, and fuck Columbus)
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writing-for-life · 1 day ago
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Behold: Morpheus’ Laugh
Hurrr hurrr hurrrrrr…
So we are starting with the reread of The Sandman issue 12 (“Playing House”) in our community today, and in that issue, you’ll find one of the two times Morpheus laughs. Not smirks or smiles, laughs. Out loud (not my video):
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And as someone who read the comics for the first time 30 or so years ago, I actually don’t know what I expected. I always had a head-canon that he is just super repressed and actually can laugh like a normal… person (for lack of better term). He just doesn’t very often and is a bit out of practice. And I stick to that head-canon to this very day when I write fic.
BUT then Overture happened, and they gave us this:
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I was like, “WTF kind of laugh can this possibly be if Hope is actually scared of it? And if it even makes the beetles run away in terror?”
And then the Audible happened, and my facial expression roughly translated to this upon a first listen:
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That’s it? That’s the scary laugh? And what is going on with that grunting? It also doesn’t seem… scary? Just your ol’ maniacal laughter. I find it quite contagious though once he’s really going for it, but it could also be the total absurdity of it all…
But it’s somehow grown on me, because as a former MT actor, I get how absolutely awful it must be to do this when you have nothing else to fall back on but your voice.
And can I just say that this… THIS…
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…was a total cop-out? They cheated us out of a stellar performance… experience… whatever.
Also: James McAvoy is great in the Audible. It’s a very different take from Tom’s, but he has the character spot-on in my view and leans a bit less into the sad emo cat, which I honestly like.
Bonus points: Your RP is great, James (much better than mine 🤣), but no matter how hard you try, the Scottish accent is coming through here and there (it’s incredibly subtle—it’s the vowel shape for me, like e.g. the OO). And as a fellow (half-) Scot, I can only say: I am incredibly taken with the idea that Dream has a little Scottish accent. Just for me. As a treat 😜
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benjaminvox · 1 day ago
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"Loss is loss," Benjamin shrugs his shoulder, huffing a distant sound. Nowhere near a laugh, but more of an acknowledgment. "You shouldn't have had to go through that, anymore than I shouldn't have had to go through the things I did. Fuck, man. We were kids." watching as the beer arrived, and tilting his head in thanks.
The difference between the two men though? Benjamin's anger. That darkness that had been bred, and then honed. Living with vengeance was the only way he'd found any modicum of peace.
'You think it might right a wrong, give you closure — it won't'
Benjamin doesn't agree, and it says so as he shifts in his seat, causing the upturn of the corner of his lips. "Did you seek revenge? For your parents?" a pause. "Or are you guessing that it won't make me feel better?" There was a reason he'd been likened to Johnathan...that unwielded rage that most hadn't yet seen. The need to serve. The need to hurt. It lay under that young boy smile, the yet to age face.
And he needed somewhere to direct it. Finely educated, the only credentials he had was working for Melissa Lin. A title, and a fine reputation in itself...he'd bore quickly. He needed this.
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'Whose fault is it then, Benjamin? Hers or yours?'
Benjamin doesn't answer immediately.
He sits on it. Traces condensation dripping down the glass in hand, cold seeping into his fingertips. His first instinct is to deflect, throw some biting comment back at Gideon that might force the conversation in some other direction, but the weight of it all, that fucking question settles heavily on top of him. His life, Melissa, his parents, Étienne...his brothers.
Benjamin felt like the world was weighing down on him, and he was it's sole bearer. It's not the first time he's wondered about it, too many times has it found it's way into his thoughts, his dreams...but having someone like Gideon ask it so bluntly strips away any excuse he might've leaned on.
Any chance he could escape those nightmares.
He's fucking lost. Staring. Like the young boy he was still, rummaging to the surface.
Benjamin hadn't quite lost that to his years yet.
"Both," he finally says, eyes vacant, blue a vast nothingness. He doesn’t look at Gideon, can't bare it, honestly: instead, his eyes finds the drink in his hand. "It'd be hers for pulling the trigger. Mine for giving her the reason to, I guess."
Loyalty was a dog: and he was her hound. Benjamin knows it’s not the answer Gideon wants, not the clean division of responsibility he'd probably hoped to hear. And he wouldn't lie to him, his mind had been moulded to Melissa Lin's tactics some eleven years ago...there was no changing his heel. But it’s the truth as Benjamin sees it. Melissa isn’t without her flaws, but she’s always been clear about the stakes. He accepted them the day he stepped into her world.
Into the Rutherford name. And while she commanded it, he obeyed.
He leans back, letting the chair creak under his weight. "Look, I’m not saying she’s perfect. Far from it, fuckin' hell...I'm meant to be smart, right. But... I owe her. A fuckin' lot. Not just for keeping me alive, but for making me into something. Someone. And yeah, that comes with risks. But doesn’t everything?"
Jabbing a finger over his shoulder, he shakes his head -- aware that there were parts of Melissa that Gideon refused to see. To acknowledge. "My parent's killer is here...drinking, laughing...and Melissa's checked in on me every two hours." The side eye, shoulders shrugging. She was his family. Benjamin knows he's justifying, fuckin' rationalizing. Gideon can probably see through it, but it’s the only way he’s ever been able to make peace. "I know you think I’m just another pawn in her game. And maybe I am. But...I chose this life. I know exactly what I signed up for."
Raising his glass, he huffs. "So if she shoots me one day? At least I’ll go down knowing I didn’t sit back and let the world tear me a-fuckin-part." He leans forward, his elbows on the table. "What about you? You’ve seen the same shit I have. What made you realise you'd never want...this" he knew Melissa well, knew a lot of what went on in the Rutherford's -- it was his job to know.
After everything Benjamin reveals about his past, it's less what he says and more how his voice breaks hoarsely over that single word, 'yep', that coaxes Gideon's begrudging sympathy for him. Silently, he hails the bartender, ordering another round of beers for them. Tonight, Benjamin can acquire his own, compliments of his allocation to the rich tents, but there's some goodwill hidden in the gesture nonetheless.
"It isn't all that similar, and I won't pretend that it is." He replies, concerning the demise of both their biological parents. "A car accident doesn't quite leave the same scars as death by unnecessary violence, and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to see what you stepped into, that day you found their bodies." No, it'd be insensitive to claim that he understood what Benjamin had experienced.
But he does understand loss, through and through. Time and time again.
'I can't let it go.' — That's what he's afraid of, that's the part that will consume the boy, if he lets it. Because the Rutherford's seen that too. Time and time again.
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"There are plenty of occupations that don't involve breaking the law, Ben." Lest the young man feel he's trying to step into the role of father, unsolicited, Gideon adds;
"I'm just saying. And the thing about anger, is that there's no end to it. Your anger won't bring them back. Murdering Étienne won't bring them back. You think it might right a wrong, give you closure — it won't." He's seen it play out too many times among other members in his father's mob. Recruited with the sweet promise of vengeance, only to find it hollow once they'd sacrificed everything to obtain it.
'And if I die for it, then... That’s on me.'
Gideon takes another sip of his beer. "You haven't answered the question." The bottle settles back on the table, and the surgeon fixes him with a scrutinizing look. "I'm not asking if you die out of bad luck. I'm saying imagine a scenario where you change your mind. Where you decide 'to hell with it, I don't want to work for Ms. Lin anymore', and she shoots you point blank in return. Whose fault is it then, Benjamin? Hers or yours?"
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cosmicdreamgrl · 7 months ago
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pretty in pink 🩷 for @cordiallyfuturedwight [ cr: 0613data, namuspromised ]
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pushing500 · 4 months ago
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Randy Random is really trying to get the Jones' Boys some company...
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Mechi knows when he's outnumbered.
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Looks like we'll be rushed off our feet making bedrolls for a little while!
First | Next | Previous
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mitamicah · 1 year ago
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Happy one day late 2 months of tavastia 9.6 🥹💗💚✨
This was such a wild ride in the best way - I wish all the best for the guys and hope they'll meet again one day 💗💚
Thank you guys for letting me spam you updates yesterday btw x'D
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mel-loly · 1 year ago
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-“Don't take your anger out on others”
I instantly:
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casualhedonists · 10 months ago
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DATING IS SO HARD WTF
#vent to follow in the tags lmao#like. what????#people!!! chill the fuck out!!#i had some dude unmatch with me bc i didn’t respond to him YESTERDAY#and like it’s not that big of a deal we’d only just matched but like?? patience is a fucking virtue?? and i have a life?#he was all like come back :((( then two minutes later he was like ok sorry for bothering you bye and then LEFT#like. fine if you do that but the message?? what??#anyway it came at a bad time bc. a bitch is already in crisis rn#cause i kinda feel like my irl friends hate me for some reason and i already feel bad that i’ve been so busy i’ve not been able to#talk to them that much#and i was supposed to go on a trip with my friend but that’s been postponed (not her fault or mine)#and my car still won’t start. we tried to jump it today and it didn’t do anything#anyway i’m like rapid cycling through major emotions and it’s like mimi chill the fuck out#and listening to way too much phoebe bridgers i know the end#also i’m in crisis bc i’ve made up with like. my oldest friend who used to have a crush on me and when i told him i preferred girls he like#stopped talking to me for a while#that was years ago and now we’re slowly becoming friends again but i feel so much guilt over it for no reason#and i get into avoidant episodes as a coping mechanism and like. i feel like im going into one atp#okay okay vent over im okay lmaoo#sorry folks hope your days going better than mine <3#。・:*˚:✧。 mimi speaks!
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sleepyagent · 4 months ago
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I want someone to love me quietly and loudly at the same time because Im an idiot
#mine#words#human#love#someone unashamed of loving me#someone free to love me and choose me#someone who loves me with every blink#a love radiating from them surrounding me like a blanket making sure i feel it because im an idiot#because im an idiot#clown#feelings#thoughts#love comes in many forms and i dont want this to be romantic only#my friends are loving me openly and casually w lil care packages and notes for me with videos they send me with “ill sit w you”s &“i listen#with “your feelings are valid” “youre being hard to yourself so im being even softer” with “hey do you wanna play sth”#with “wanna body double” and “i rmb you like this” “have you eaten yet” “can i give you a hug”#with “my treat this time” and “can i come visit you” with “missing you” and “we share this part of life”#with “hey this reminded me of you” and “i dont need this but i thought you could” with “what have you been up to” and#with “do you wanna go there together” and “im getting [food/drink] you want some as well?”#with “i can pretend to be your waifu and help with chores” and “lets cook together” with “lets go on a walk together”#with “tell me when youre home” with “take care” and “enjoy!” with “hows your day been” “howd you sleep”#with “tell me about your dream last night” “show me your outfit” with “how are you” and “i can explain it to you again” with “i'll wait”#with “nice to hear from you again” and “i try to understand” with “im glad a late answer is better than none from you”#with “you cannot see your own effort but i can” with “how can i help you” and “just wanted to see/hear you” with “hey take this food w you”#with “i dont mind doing that for you” with ┌⁠|⁠∵|⁠┐┌⁠|⁠∵|⁠┐when seeing each other on the streets#every lil whimsical every experience thought and feeling shared#im immensely loved and i hope those people know and feel how i see appreciate and love them back#i am loved already#my friends make sure that i do not accept any less love expression and im endlessly grateful for them#“i will try for you” “i'll try remind you” “i can wake you up” this all will get its own post one day
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dogearedheart · 4 months ago
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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seventh-district · 5 months ago
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i ​also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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