#I hope it was at least a bit interesting enough aaaaa

[poppydedicant]

🌸 If you get this, answer with 3 random facts about yourself and send it to the last 7 blogs in your notifications, anonymously or not! Let's get to know the person behind the blog. 🌸

I honeslty have no idea what to say about myself. I truly have no big, interesting facts worth noting, but I'll think about some that could be remotely close.

When I was small, my mother and teacher discovered I was really good at patterns, despite not knowing what they were. I just went to take an exam at my kindergarten class, arrived to class late, was asked to mark the patterns and did it so fast, I finished before my classmates who had already been taking the test before me, with time to spare. That carried all throughout my life even though I did not dedicated myself to better that ability, so to speak. It is what has helped me go through life, basically -- a good example would be with exams, details I should remember and all that, I remember mostly by patterns than by anything else. My brain is really good at noticing leitmotifs in songs and other familiar rhythms because of it.

My native language is Latin Spanish (I've rambled enough about how I played XVI in that language and thoroughly enjoyed it/prefer it,) I learned English all throughout my life, ever since I was small. My mother encouraged us to learn both words in Spanish and English, to look for their meanings in the dictionary if we were lost, to watch shows and read in both English and Spanish and I am truly grateful for that now. I still have much to learn of both languages, for sure, but I am glad I've reached a point in which I feel comfortable talking to others in any of the two.

I have a Bachelor's Degree in Biotechnology. Even though my dream is to become an author, a lot of events that occurred during my time at university made me end up choosing to finish the career I had much more credits filled for at one point, which was Biology. I took Biotechnology because I was deeply interested in Immunology and, honestly, I still am. I don't regret my decision, I just wish I had the confidence and experience to be accepted in a job related to it.

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

(tw implied SA/abuse)

AAAAA, I didn't expect you to reply so soon. The list of detail that could support this are:

-sleeping fully clothed when sick(could be him unwilling to be fully vulnerable)

-people pleasing(small, but you could tie it into it being a fawn coping mechanism)

-wetting the bed till 5th grade(has been shown to be a small sign of past abuse)

-his motive video person being specifically komaru and not including his parents

-his ability to lie when prepared (ch5 when protecting kyoko)

-his willingness to forgive people that wronged him(it's common for child victims to be made to forgive their adult abusers)

-the fact that he never really opens up to people

I know it's a stretch but when we get virtually nothing about Makoto's past we might as well try to find out why. I generally like the idea that Makoto chose to be optimistic, kind, and hopeful despite having every reason to be the opposite. It adds to why he is so willing to offer redemption. (I also unfortunately went through something similar and heavily relate to Makoto so this is also slightly projection)

Hmm while if you want to go that route i'd say you could argue it, I do have my disagreements, this isnt to say it s not possible, but I just think there are better explanations

I always thought myself that it was more he collapsed and was unable to do so then an active choice, but thats more conjecture, you could definitely make it an active choice and I wouldn't call foul on it

I feel like SA is a bit over the top of a reason, like it COULD be a reason, but combining that with Komaru's statement it feels like it'd be more likely to avoid other kinds of punishments, also could just be an inherent personality trait

I've got no complaint with this one, it is very much a sign of sexual abuse, alone I don't think i'd call it enough to be definitive but if someone wanted to run with it i'd be like "yeah makes sense"

The motive video person for everyone was only one single person, Hifumi, Leon, Aoi, and Kirigiri all had non-parental family members chosen (Sister, Cousin, Brother, Grandfather) while some people DID have parents Ishimaru, Hagakure, Chihiro it's definitely not the majority, other people Mondo, Sakura, Byakuya, Sayaka all had people they were not related to (Bodyguard, Boyfriend, Butler, Band Member) if anything the only two people I would take this as proof of a bad relationship for would be Toko and Celeste as they're the only people with non human hostages (A stinkbug and her pet cat)

I wouldn't call this special, especially by the point of chapter 5 Makoto has gained a lot of survival skills, and lying is one of them, plus people just can lie

There's nothing wrong with this one, however it does feel like a bit of a stretch, Makoto has this whole game been going "its not our fault, its monokumas" every time someone has guilt over the vote or anything, this very much just feels like an extension of that, especially with Monokuma very visibly and obviously rushing the trial.

This one's kind of interesting because Makoto does shockingly keep his cards a lot closer to his chest then people give him credit for, but I'd say he's pretty open to at least Kirigiri by the end if not everyone, especially since a killing game requires him to not be completely open to everyone all the time

This is good evidence to at the very least the Naegi's having some questionable punishment methods, but at the same time Komaru is very open about her school life which has....so many red flags, like seriously its fucking creepy komaru really do be like "yeah my old teacher used to break into my room to watch me sleep but im pretty sure it was his ghost" like GIRL WHAT so it's actually a bit hard to tell if it's the naegi's doing it, or her school life just being fucked up again

Like girl seriously are you okay

tldr; I personally think there are better explanations for most of these points, however it would still be an interesting concept to explore and I can definitely see why someone would believe it, it's not my personal theory but exploring makoto under the lens of an abuse survivor is definitely a fascinating thing to do, and also if you want to further look into and back up this reading I'd check out a lot more of komaru's dialogue because I think you'd find some interesting points to make about it through that lens you could add to you repertoire

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

Hi! I was wondering if you could perhaps do Ciel/Alois with a s/o who can like use death magic? My main though is that they can summon like either a snake dragon thingy but you can see it’s bones or some skeleton guards or like death prediction (so basically they can predict when someone is going to die but it’s specially people their close with like friends family ext)

You of course don’t have to do this if it doesn’t spark any interest or you just don’t want to! hope you have an amazing day/Night! 💕

aaaaa I did my best!! and you too!!! <3

That is… absolutely… macabre. He is, of course, terribly fascinated with it! The darker things have always drawn him in a bit, and especially with things that are useful like this. These things are rather unlikely to hurt him, so he might pout that they’re ‘boring’, but he still fawns over them nonetheless. More than once they’ve been lying on the bed, and Alois will be stretched out with his head dangling over the edge as he asks, “Is Lord So-and-So going to die tomorrow? When is Lady Jane going to kick the bucket already? Do you know how or when I’m going to die?” He’s hopeless, even when told that his S/O’s power doesn’t really work like that. As far as the snake-bone-dragon and the skeleton guards, he would love to utilize that… if the whole of London wouldn’t die of collective heart attacks should that kind of thing show up. He will gladly make use of both of those things around the manor if his darling wants to use that ability to protect him, though. He might even go so far as to be silly and coo at the bone dragon beast like a pet, if it will tolerate such treatment. Ah, life is good!

Any more supernatural crap want to come hurtling into his life? Honestly. He thinks he has enough to deal with, but, after all, this is his S/O… really, all he wants is that they don’t use their power in a way that disturbs him or his staff. As long as they’re able to keep those things under control and not distract anyone in the household, (or use their powers in a visible way which will cause headaches for him), he doesn’t feel he has any say over what they do with their abilities. That said, he isn’t above gently manipulating them if he happens to have a use for their powers. And he fully, truly expects that they would tell him if any of their death predictions applied to him. The snake-bone-dragon is another manner of beast, and he might ask them to unleash it if it seems like Sebastian needs help in a fight with another paranormal creature. He probably won’t have much use for the skeleton guards… still, nice to know that’s an option. For all his complaining that strange beings are a pain in the backside, at least his S/O will presumably give everything they have to keeping him safe. It simply happens they have a bit more to give than others.

[thebuttsmcgee]

ALRIGHT so I finished the rest of tgamm's S2 eps so far and to both test out this read more trick that I haven't learned how to use even after all these years and for everyone's convenience, my long thoughts will be in the read more.

My abridged thoughts, are that the eps were p good! Very solid batch all around and I'm sure the later eps will be just as fun, maybe even more! 👍!

Aaaaas for the longer thoughts, well they're not that longer tbh.

I was a bit. Hm. Not disappointed but more, surprised? I guess, that they focused a lot more on the main cast rather than some side character and their story but that's not a bad thing, I just find that some of my fav eps from S1 tended to do that tho! And thankfully, the writing like usual managed to be good enough that I didn't really think that much about it, while watching it.

Anyways, Scratch's backstory that was literally shown for less than a minute. OOOH. OHHH THAT WAS GOOD. LEGIT WAS SO GOOD. It perfectly captured that touching emotion that S1 had looooots of moments with. Also worth noting is that the soda was founded (I think?) in 1909, so Scratch probs isn't that old. Ooh man I hope the theories from way back about how his sailor themed memorabilia is actually for a purpose!

Oh yea, Scratch as chairman. Neat. Hm. Not bad, but hm. Just kinda neat I guess imo of course. Eh ya know what, now that I think about it, the show has been handling it rather well, its not an instant problem solver and it hasnt gotten in the way so far, yea its p neat. He spent the first half of the ep just being like "enjoy yourr afterliiiife [:○)" just to drift to "GET OUTTA MY HOUSE" and that was funny.

Oh yea and as always, the backgrounds were colorfully delightful, the voice acting was top knotch, the animation and different storyboard artists' styles were great and the music remains baller. Reaaaally hope it gets more appreciation this time around!

I FORGOT LOL Scratch's ass being plot relevant is fantastic. Like. Wow.

Sharon's episode was great!!!!!! I love the real emotion of unsure fear, uncertainty, but being able to overcome it due to support from loved one. GGGRHH THIS SHOW AND THE FAMILY WRITING WOO. They always nail it. Seriously I hope that this ep gets more recognition among fans.

Andrea's ep was also fun! Really stuck to their idea of her just being a bit misguided, not really mean hearted. I also love that they chose to talk about how convenient enterprises can unfortunately take over independent businesses and that it's up to the people to choose those independent businesses, not the corporate world.

Libby's ep was p fun! Very nice that she's getting more attention, and that they had an ep based on her love of her family library.

Molly overworked herself, again, but at least by the end she got to have fun 👍

Darryl's was p okay, definitely better than his last one, but I kinda feel like maybe Darryl also could have learned something? Buut then again he's just a kid and his parents accepting him for who he is, is a wonderful message so it all evens out :^).

As for the Chens, they're okay! I like June, autism blast has been deployed and that's rad. Ollie is okay, DEFINITELY overhated like geez he's literally just some guy. Granted, I'm not sure how this whole ghost hunter thing is gunna turn out tho. Considering that Scratch IS family, it makes for a neat obstacle I suppose.

And as for the thing that's been the main talk of recent, The Ship.

Reuben and Pete.

Gotta say it's p good, good on Pete.

Oh yea and molly and ollie is okay? I guess. Not really bad, not all that interesting imo tbh but it's really harmless. It clicks in a bit too much for my taste. Like Molly has been shown to be a bit too optimistic for people, then some guy shows up and is almost exactly like her. Ehhhh, again, not bad but some people DEFINITELY need to calm down, after all the show is mainly centered around the family and love between them, not romance. Just not my cup of milk ya know?

The actual in characters in the show, in their real life shipping them tho, was, hm. Don't. Don't quite know how to feel about that.

Pete and Reuben tho. C'mon.

Oh yea, new antagonist on the way too ig, he's voiced by Jeff Bennett so good for him!

Iiiii guess that's about it! Overall, p good batch! Hopefully the rest will be either just as good, or even better!

And lastly but certainly not least,

a dope hat makes any design look better 10/10

[hongjoongspoetry]

You’re never outliving the feet lover allegations my friend 😭 *insert THAT meme* 

At this point I’m printing out your feedback and taping them to my wall because wHAT THE HELL, you get me emotional 🤧🥹

I have to touch on the MC you have created because her personality is so layered that as much as I empathised with her and really like her, I couldn’t help but be annoyed by how selfless she was.

AH, I’m so happy you liked the MC. She’s got quite the complex personality and is most different character I’ve created. It isn’t just her being a fearless, badass all the time, but a human with emotions, errors and fears like everyone else (or at least I hope that’s how I portrayed her).

But then again, I absolutely loved her bond with Nari, and if you were to write a 40k oneshot just with the two of them I’d read the shit out of it because: 1. Nari is hilarious as fck and I laughed too often, 2. Their bond is literally so precious I could never get enough of it

MC and Nari could have a series of their own with the amount of plot I created for them 😭 I’ve been thinking of making small drabbles set in the universe on what the characters are doing but idk we’ll see hehehe 👀

Then MC’s bond with the rest of the boys??? Insane, give me 10 pages long essays about it, please! The fact, again, that I was completely losing my shit when we met San and Mingi speaks volumes of how well you managed to describe them. Also the fact that you indirectly called Mingi a blondie while being blonde literally had me pause and cackle for at least 2 minutes. I need to see more of her and Wooyoung, Mingi, and YEOSANG because that bonfire/dinner scene left me hungry for more. 

I could not write a yuyu zombie fic without involving the other boys in some way😭like we got all that muscle for it to go to waste? I don’t think so 👀 it’s funny too, because Mingi and San are the two most fearsome people in ATEEZ, but here we got them acting like rick and daryl from TWD 😭 I feel like I rarely see Yeosang and MCs’ friendship in fics so I had to give my man his time in the spotlight somehow and tbh, their scenes may be few but they are my favourite so we'll definitely see more of them (and woo and mingi and everyone) in the future (if I make a sequel/small drabbles)

The action scenes, too, were so well executed and described that I felt like a movie was being played in my mind or in front of my eyes, it’s crazy! 

I'm not used to writing action scenes so this means EVERYTHING to me 😭 

Honestly, my favourite scene might just be her first encounter with Yunho because the MC was so badass (even when she was killing all those biters in the mall after sacrificing herself for Yunho) IT SERIOUSLY MADE ME WISH I WAS HER AAAAA. I love powerful female characters who know how to take care of themselves, and I certainly love that your MC’s always stand their ground and fend for themselves. 

Their first encounter is such an important scene for various reasons. It shows that while the MC can hold her ground, she’s still very alone and in the need of help from others. Plus, it’s Yunho’s introduction so we get to see (together with the MC) what kind of person Yunho is. The readers also get to see how far their morals stretch; Yunho would give up his loot for the sake of others while the MC would give fuck all 😭 (she’s traumatised, give her a break).  Say what you want, but Yunho was whipped the second he saw her and I can’t say she wasn’t the tiniest bit interested in him either 🫣

Honestly, I could yap so much more and I think I will ‘cuz I just remembered another thing—not MC and Yunho being complete idiots by not talking out their issues but, I mean, the end result was rather satisfying so I cannot complain haha. That moment was really hot, I go feral over jealous Yuyu, oops~ like, yes, please get angry and look at me like that so I can shut you up with my lips—

I KNOW!!! Imagine, you nearly see the love of your life die and instead of being there for them (possibly even scold them) you decide to stay as far away from them as possible? As if you weren’t doing everything you could to not separate from them? Yes, I’m looking at you Yunho 👀 but like, at least they got to make out— I mean, make up, yes, make up!🫣

Not you being so poetic with me, I'm down on my knees asking for your hand in marriage right neow!!! OKAY BUT CAN YOU BLAME THEM??? God knows when they got to indulge in some sexy time, I too would be going feral seeing Yunho scoop a handful of condoms in his bag or seeing MC shirtless (altough that was not the right time to go hard 😭)

Bones, Blood and Teeth Erode | Jeong Yunho

⚠️ Summary: Taking a child under your wing, tackling complex feelings for a man who didn't make your life easier, and waking up to the entire world wanting to sink their teeth into your skin would make for one hell of a college essay. Too bad you were already done with your studies and working a full time job kicking rotten ass.

⚠️ Pairing(s): Jeong Yunho x F!Reader

⚠️ Genres/Tropes: non-idol AU, zombie apocalypse AU, horror, romance, hurt/comfort, a lot of action, a lil comedy, golden retriever x black cat (kinda, not really)

⚠️ Warnings/Tags: female reader, no use of (Y/N), explicit language, reader has a panic attack, derogatory words (bitch), use of weapons (guns, knives), blood and gore (quite descriptive), (probably inaccurate) gun wounds, losing consciousness, petnames (flower, angel, darling, sweetie), zombies, murder, reader is a badass, attempted murder by strangulation, brief allude to suicide and hanging (just a quick mention), medical needles, disagreements, Wooyoung is a menace, jealous!Yunho

⚠️ Wordcount: 39.3K

⚠️ Author's note: This work has been a fun challenge as it's my first time writing a zombie AU. With that, I'll kindly ask you to please be nice if the gore and action doesn't live up to your expectations! I'm also thinking of making a "sequel" as everything I planned couldn't fit here, but I don't know... I'll leave that for future me to decide. Until then, I'm going to focus on finishing Cold Hands, Warm Heart. Plus, who was going to tell me there was a limit to Tumblr?? Wdym I can't exceed 1000 paragraphs? 😭

This is all fiction and not meant to represent the idols involved in any way or form. This work is NSFW and not appropriate for minors as it contains explicit scenes, not necessarily sexual content, but descriptions of both physical and verbal fights, as well as adult language and gore. Minors and ageless blogs, please, refrain from reading or interacting with this work or my blog!!!

AO3 masterlist moodboard Permanent taglist

The most memorable moments of life were limited and a majority of them weren’t even stored in the human’s hippocampus until the ages three or four. First words, first steps, first birthday, first time using the potty amongst other things weren’t memories, but rather snippets of stories retold by parents or other significant individuals. With the years passing and flowers withering as snow spread through the country, the less memorable things became. Birthdays were celebrated every three hundred and sixty-fifth day, but were only really a big deal if it was a big number or when the line of adolescence and adulthood was crossed. After that, no one was eager enough to celebrate the less time they harbored in the world.

Then — in some random order — your wallet would be updated with a shiny driver’s license accompanying your credit card, a few pennies and other meaningless receipts you couldn’t bother throwing out. The desk in your childhood bedroom was cleared of coloring books, instead proudly displaying the evidence of graduating college that would eventually be framed and nailed to the newly painted walls of your first apartment. Those were the more memorable milestones you’d think back to in your senior years while relaxing on your porch with a cup of freshly brewed tea. By that point in life, you’d be free of school, work and other duties. The only worry was when your next doctor’s appointment was or if the neighborhood kids were stealing apples from your garden again.

The universe was known for throwing curveballs when one least expected and no one could foresee the bombshell of death and despair exploding on the green earth, altering everyone’s hopes and dreams to dust. Within hours, the vision of spending your last years alive tending to your garden flowers and watching the sun go to sleep was erased from existence along with your cherished memories, because there was no moment in life you’d remember more than the day the world went to shit.

“How’s little Nari doing? Have you checked the locks?”

“She’s good, as much as a seven-year-old could be. I’ve already put her to bed like half an hour ago. We ate some fruit snacks and watched an episode of Bluey, and poof, she was out like a light,” you chuckled gently. ��And yes, I already checked, I double checked even.”

This was your new nightly routine ever since moving miles across the country for more opportunities in the big city. Your mom had yet to accept the fact her baby girl (and only child) wasn’t a baby anymore, but a grown woman with adult responsibilities. Nonetheless, she still called you at least once a day, and as much as you loved her, she sure was getting on your nerves.

“Triple check it… Oh! And see if your windows are locked too. She’s such a sweet little girl. Speaking of, how are the Kangs?”

Leave it to your mom to ask about everyone’s and everything’s wellbeing. It was no wonder she had trouble sleeping at night, the constant worry gnawing on her brain like a mouse with a stolen piece of cheese. 

Rolling your eyes, you refrained from chastising her for staying up late watching one too many criminal documentaries. You lived on the fifth floor; what did it matter if your windows were locked or not?

“The Kangs are good too, I believe. They’ll be her first thing in the morning to get Nari.”

“They are good people, those Kangs. I’m happy you have normal neighbors and not some weirdos. Especially when they know there’s a girl living alone, it makes you vulnerable.”

“Because a couple in their early thirties definitely can’t be perpetrators. Bonus points if they have a daughter.”

“I’m just concerned for my little baby girl. You know it’s difficult for us now that you’ve moved out. Your father doesn’t say much, but he hasn’t stepped foot in your bedroom after the last box was carried out.”

And as much as you wanted to tell her, ‘Mom, I’m not your little baby girl anymore’, the words wouldn’t roll off your tongue. Perhaps it was the mention of your father’s somber behavior — someone you never saw without a smile on his face — or you were missing them equally as much as they missed you.

“I know, mom. But it was a question of when I’d move out, I mean, it would happen eventually and here we are.”

“Well, I don’t care. You’ll be my baby until they stuff me down below.”

“Mom!”

“It’s true! Adult or not, I’m still your mother and will always be. Doesn’t matter if you’re five, fifty or five hundred. Now, I don’t want to hold you off any longer, it’s quite late and you have an early start tomorrow. I love you, my sweet girl.”

“I love you too, mom. Hug dad for me, would you?”

“Of course. Good night, sweetie.”

“Goodnight.”

Plopping down on the sofa barely big enough for three, your phone lightened with a gentle tap of your thumb. The wallpaper was a picture of you standing behind your parents with the family cat seated on your mom’s lap. It was taken days before you’d leave for Seoul (your mom insisted you take another family portrait to match the collection of the already existing thirty something photos). Your two hours were spent aimlessly scrolling through various social media apps, seeing what news and events you missed out on while entertaining the previously energetic seven-year-old. Amidst your scrolling, the three full bars of the Wi-F emoticon turned transparent. Not thinking much of it, you opted for resetting your router, but nothing changed. Even your data roaming wasn’t working.

“Huh? That’s weird,” you mumbled to yourself.

The device quickly lost its value and was forgotten on the coffee table as you reached for the TV remote. That proved to be useless too as a multitude of colors covered the screen with the words ‘No Signal’ staring right back at you. Growing up in the countryside, you weren’t all too shaken over the loss of Wi-Fi, but considering you were now residing in the heart of South Korea, where everything was supposed to be ten times better and faster, you were left with a queasy feeling. Giving the government — or whoever was in charge of these operators — the benefit of the doubt, you decided to get ready for bed. The internet would be back sooner or later, that’s how it was in your hometown at least.

You gently peeked inside your bedroom and with the reassuring sight of Nari still in a deep slumber, you resumed to the bathroom. 

“Maybe it’s a sign to tune in for the night.”

Watching yourself in the bathroom mirror, you shrugged and got to washing up. As you completed the long list of your skincare routine and dried your face with a towel, you didn’t expect to be met with sudden darkness and nearly fell into the bathtub. Regaining your composure, your feet were glued to the floor and ars extra sharp, listening for anything suspicious on the other side of the door. You couldn’t help but think someone had broken into your flat. To your fear, a silent creak echoed throughout the apartment followed by rapid pattering of feet. A whimper — you would’ve missed it if it weren’t for the complete silence — slipped through the tight space between the door and threshold. 

“Auntie?”

The speed you unlocked the door at should be studied by a group of scientists. You wasted no time crouching before Nari which she saw as an invitation to sling herself in your embrace. The few solar sticks shoved into your window baskets provided your apartment with enough light to avoid bumping into furniture as you entered the living room. The TV had gone from a bright rainbow to a void of nothing, enveloping you in complete darkness. A simple fuse going out wouldn’t turn off the power in your entire apartment and you wondered if the whole building was without electricity. 

“Why is it dark?” She whispered against your shoulder.

“I don’t know, sweetie. I think the power went out. Wanna see if there are any candles laying around?”

Grabbing your phone from its place, you quickly put on the flashlight and rummaged through your cabinets for anything useful. If you knew your mother at all, you were certain she snuck in some candles or a real flashlight while you were busy carrying boxes with your dad. Opening the second-to-last drawer, you found what you were looking for and in that moment it was a treasure bigger than gold.

“Looks like auntie had some candles after all.” 

With the help of Nari — who actually just watched you scatter the candles everywhere — you managed to bring more light into the apartment.

“Isn’t this much better?” You asked and Nari nodded while shuffling to one end of the sofa, her knees brought up to her chest and her hair a mess from the short nap.

“When will the lights be back?”

Honestly, you didn’t know, but sensing it would spread more worry than comfort, you weren’t about to let her know that. She was already spooked from the sudden blackout and you weren’t all that keen on consoling a distressed child a quarter to midnight. 

“Soon. I’m sure of it. In the meantime, how about you go bring me your pretty pink hairbrush and I’ll fix your pigtails for you?”

You watched Nari run off into your bedroom and gave yourself a pat on the back for handling the situation quite smoothly. With the power out, you had no option but to save the battery on your phone, thus turning off the flashlight and relying on the candles for guidance. Not to sound entitled, but you truly thought the outages would be left in your hometown and wouldn’t follow you all the way to Seoul. Trying to go against the odds, you checked your phone again and noticed the service was completely wiped out. The top of your screen looked rather naked as the battery percentage glared at you tauntingly.

Now would be a good time to worry. Water seeped through the ventilations in your flat and hastily rose upwards. Parts of your body turned numb at immediate contact and your nightgown stuck to your cold skin. You looked around. Your living room was flooding, but no one did anything. No one came to help. The world was still spinning and you were slowly drowning. As your view was obscured by a beautiful hue of blue everything stopped. 

It was quiet, but your thoughts were loud. Submerging underwater was supposed to give a sense of tranquility yet there you were, struggling to tame the voices in your mind. It was first when you parted your lips for an intake of air that they simmered out and a wave of panic washed over you as water gushed down your throat and into your lungs. Your mouth clamped shut and you made grabby motions as if you’d latch onto a plug and the water would magically go down a drain. The lack of oxygen caused darkness to cloud your sight and a force so tight wrapped around your head you thought it was going to explode. Fire burned your lungs and something clawed at your throat, but you refused to inhale again. It was scary. The fight was slowly leaving your body and right when you heard death calling for you, a bubbly call of your name brought you back to reality and suddenly there was no evidence of the translucent liquid ever being in your living room. 

“Here you go, auntie.” 

Nari reclaimed her seat on the couch, the only difference being her back turned toward you. Releasing a shuddering breath, you took the brush from her and tried to differentiate between reality and imagination. This seemed to be real, you thought and got to work, despite your heart banging against your chest. With gentle touches, you removed the ties from her hair and combed it until silky smooth. To your relief and her luck, the strands weren’t tangled together and allowed the brush to run freely. Deeming her hair neat enough, you parted it down the middle and into two sections, and redid her pigtails from earlier. It was an easy hairstyle and suited her pretty face. You looped both your index fingers through each tail and giggled at the cuteness.

“There you go. All done, little flower.”

“Thank you, auntie!” 

Nari turned around and wrapped her arms around your waist, her cheek mushed against your stomach and your heart soared with joy. The display of affection was enough to keep your head on and not worry about all the connected dots seemingly leading back to the power outage. Besides, you couldn’t act recklessly. If Nari caught wind of your unease, you could confidently say she’d spiral into a panic of her own.

“Of course… Now I was thinking with the power out, how would it sound if we raided my freezer for some ice cream? I mean, it will turn bad otherwise.”

The Kangs were quite strict with Nari and sweets, in the sense that they didn’t want her over consuming before bed or on weekdays. Something about having a balanced diet. It wasn’t anything you had a say in and if you wanted to be paid at the end of the day as well as avoid a lawsuit, you were going to ensure Nari followed those rules. But considering something was out of the ordinary and with your endless supply of ice cream, you couldn’t bother with what her parents had to say. 

While she was shifting between eating the flavors of strawberry, chocolate, banana, raspberry and vanilla ice cream, you pondered over the elephant in the room. Knowing now it wasn’t something solely affecting your apartment complex, but the whole city, you were trying your hardest not to freak out. Perhaps some vigilante had hacked into the government and planned on leaking some top secret files? Were you going to war? A sign of an earthquake?

“Auntie?”

“Yes, Nari?” 

“I’m sleepy. I’m sorry your ice cream will go bad.”

“Don’t worry about that. It was too much for just the two of us anyway.” You patted the top of her head and she childishly beamed at you, immediately illuminating the room better than any light source created. “Wanna get ready for bed again?”

As you stood up, you expected Nari to follow, but the child was still seated. Her feet brushed against each other while she picked around her fingernails. She avoided your eyes, her gaze trained on her fiddling hands. 

“Is something wrong?” 

The mumbled words were far too quiet for you to make sense of and with a polite request to repeat herself, Nari spoke again, a tad bit louder than before. “I don’t wanna sleep in the dark.”

A crack went down the middle of your heart and echoed loudly in your eardrums. Her sullen attitude caught you off guard, but knowing the reason behind it, you now wondered if she was used to being chastised or mocked for her fear in the walls of her home. Whatever it was, you weren’t going to endorse that behavior. 

“We could…” You began and waited for her to meet your gaze. Her little eyes carried a plethora of stars and you had to hold back from pinching her chubby cheeks. “Have a sleepover, right here.”

The stars in her eyes grew in size and twinkled brighter than any night sky. Her previously pouty lips curled in a sugary smile that cured any type of sadness. The child was up in seconds, already rearranging the pillow to her liking and claiming her side of the sofa.

“Okay, flower. It’s time for another brushing session.” 

Luckily, Nari didn’t appear like a kicked puppy and happily skipped to the bathroom instead. Your phone in her hands lit up her path despite the candles burning for the same purpose. You released a breath of relief and whisked out two blankets from your bedroom as well as one of Nari’s stuffed toys. She had spent enough nights under your watch to know she’d ask for either Sir Fluffington (a rabbit with one of its ears ripped off) or Spiderfrog (a purple ladybug). Coming out of your bedroom, you were surprised to see Nari sitting on the sofa, legs tucked beneath her bum and arms hidden underneath her shirt making her look armless.

“Oh, you’re done already?” 

“The water is not working.”

Dropping the soft objects on the couch, your brows scrunched together. “What?”

“I opened the sink and the water didn’t come. It was first brown, like poopy water and then it disappeared.”

Disregarding her easy mix up between a tap and a sink, you flew across the room to the kitchen and as feared, no water came out. Something was wrong. How big of a coincidence would it be that the electricity, internet and water were out of function? 

Swallowing the lump growing in your dry throat — a placebo created by the knowledge you had no running water — you faced Nari and ushered her under the covers.

“I’m positive it’s nothing. The water and power will be back when we wake up.��� Shuffling beside her, you handed her both Sir Fluffington and Spiderfrog, an easy distraction from the weird occurrences.

“Can we sleep with the lights on?”

“Yeah, I won’t blow out all the candles until you’re asleep. Is that alright?”

Nari nodded and tucked both of her stuffies beneath the blanket then brought it up to her chin. You gave your phone one last glance, sighing at the red battery and lack of a signal. Just your luck, you thought and let it back down. 

“Good night, auntie.”

Nari’s breaths evened quicker than you could reply back and soon you too struggled with keeping your eyes open. As promised, you blew out the candles — starting a building fire was not a part of your bucket list — and came back to bed. Fatigue weighing more than three bags of flour tugged on your eyelids and it was easier to give into the darkness than fight it. Besides, you’d rather not stay awake and theorize over all the possibilities as to why the country seemed to be out of function.

“Night, flower.”

The trip to dreamland was short and didn’t last for longer than two hours. You woke with a startle, your body covered in a sheen of sweat and heart loud in your ears. It wasn’t because of your neighbor’s early shenanigans of rearranging furniture or a fast food delivery guy knocking on the wrong door, but people talking, or rather screaming, in the corridor of the apartment building. Nari was still sleeping soundly next to you, seeming nothing in the world was able to disturb her. It wasn’t because of your neighbor’s early shenanigans of rearranging furniture or a fast food delivery guy knocking on the wrong door. Still surrounded by darkness, you hastily grabbed your phone and blinded yourself as — what felt like — a hundred suns appeared right before your eyes. The numbers showed it was a little past two in the morning.

A commotion of multiple bodies running and sharp tones turning into faint screams, had you standing on your feet. The walls of the apartment were thin, but not enough for you to make out what was being said. It couldn’t be a normal argument between neighbors if the shouting went from anger to fear, hands pounding against doors with pleas of being let inside. You didn’t move until a bloodcurdling scream echoed through the stairwell. In all your years on this earth, you never heard a being make such painful and horrifying sounds. Not even movies portraying the most gruesome torture scene could be compared to what your ears were witnessing. You couldn’t describe it even if you wanted to. All you knew was that it touched your core, nearly cutting all mobility in your legs. The screaming didn’t stop for a while, but when it did everything turned silent. The silence in the dead of a night with everyone asleep; no engine rumbling, no people talking and no animals wandering around. Complete and utter silence.

By some miracle, you managed to get closer to your door without stumbling into something and for once in your life you were grateful for your mother’s nagging about checking the locks. Something was wrong. Really, really wrong. You could feel it in your bones, like birds sensing the beginning of a natural hazard. It wasn’t something you could explain either and if you tried, whoever was on the receiving end would probably call you crazy, but it didn’t matter because there was no one to convince of said feeling. Nari was too young to indulge in and she was at the age where children questioned everything. Giving her one last glance, reassuring yourself she was still asleep, you stepped closer to the door and prepared yourself to look through the peephole. It was first then you felt the side effects of not having water as your throat was uncomfortably dry and your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth. Whatever you were going to see — hopefully nothing — on the other side of the door, you weren’t sure if you were mentally prepared for it. 

“Auntie?”

Like the hands of a grandfather clock reaching an hour, your heart chimed loudly in your ears, pushing all the air out from your lungs and freezing the blood in your veins. The childish voice didn’t ease your worries and for a moment you thought a scene from the movie Orphan played out in your life. The crazy thought lasted for a split second until you remembered why there was a child in your flat to begin with. 

“What are you doing?”

Facing Nari, you exhaled and mustered up a gentle smile. “I thought I… Nothing. I’m not doing anything.”

As you stepped away from the door, an internal battle broke out in your head. The logic in you argued it was nothing but a speck of your imagination while your gut feeling threw all sense out of the window and was ready to die on the hill that something wasn’t quite right.

“Did you hear it too?”

That was all the reason your gut needed to push logic out of the window. Swallowing dry air, your tongue darted out over your bottom lip. Inhaling a shaky breath which was a failed attempt at calming your nerves, you decided to see where the conversation would go.

“Hear what, flower?”

What Nari said next confirmed you weren’t crazy.

“The screaming,” she emphasized, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I… uh…”

As you parted your lips to say something — what, you didn’t know — a faint scratching noise sounded from behind your door. The best way to describe it would be a fingernail being dragged along the wooden surface. It was nearly undetectable, but with the silence in the apartment the sound was loud enough to interrupt your conversation and spread another wave of fear through your body. Nari whimpered, obviously still affected by the screaming from before, and quickly threw the blanket over her head. Sir Fluffington and Spiderfrog squished under each of her armpits.

Hanging onto the thin rope of sanity left in your body, you coaxed yourself into believing it wasn’t anything to be frightened over. The whistling wind could be heard every once in a while, right? 

“Don’t go,” Nari squeaked. She was clearly scared of you going out into the hallway and while you admired her thoughtfulness, you had to remind her you didn’t have a single brave bone in your body.

“I won’t,” you whispered back. “I just want to see.” 

If the situation wasn’t so eerie, you’d be laughing at her concern. Nari acted as if whoever was out there would grab you through the keyhole and you’d disappear somewhere akin to Raccoon City or The Upside Down. But you didn’t laugh because the possibility of that happening scared even you, a grown adult with her frontal lobe fully developed.

Exhaling, you flicked the metallic cover of the peephole and stared into an abyss of darkness. The green flickering light of an exit sign illuminated the hallway for a split second before everything turned black again. It continued on like that for a moment and each time the light came back on, you expected something grotesque to stare right back at you, but there was nothing. 

“Ha, like I thought. There’s no one the–”

Your voice died in your throat as the lightbulb died only to be brought back to life. The only difference being a figure standing in your line of sight. The green light was gone in a second, not allowing you to see who it was, but when one sense was diluted, the remaining four heightened. 

“Help.”

The voice, if you could call it that, sounded like it belonged to a chainsmoker of fifty years. Raspy — not in a sexy way — and weak. They were wheezing for air and almost choked on their own saliva. It wasn’t until the hallway lit up again that you could make out what was presented before you. Mr. Shin from the level below you with ears that were good for nothing and his obnoxiously loud Yorkshire terrier. However, you couldn’t recall him being a smoker or having a gruff voice. Thinking about it, the elder hated anything to do with cigarettes. The smell, the long list of side effects and not to mention the higher risk of being prone to lung cancer. 

None of those facts were important though, because what you were seeing nearly sent you on your backside. 

Mr. Shin’s head was abnormally tilted to the right and something sharp, and white, boney, stuck out of his neck. The liquid he was choking on was in fact not his saliva, but buckets of blood. Dark, thick, blood seeping out of his neck and mouth, making it hard for him to speak.

“Open… Help me.”

Lights off. Lights on.

A big chunk of skin and meat was torn right out of his shoulder, coating his arm in a wine-red liquid nearly having you spilling your guts out. Clamping a hand over your mouth, both to keep your food inside and not to let out a scream of terror, you moved backwards. You felt sick. Your stomach was up to your chest and your pulse was so quick the beats per minute were impossible to count. The few words leaving Mr. Shin became a jumbled mess of groans and growls. His pleas for help and demands of you opening the door were indistinguishable, something not even an aggravated dog would let out. The scratching turned into slamming fists and jerks of the handle. 

Your phone was useless and there was no other way to get hold of an emergency service. Mr. Shin obviously needed help. He had always been kind to you; he bought you a fresh basket of peaches each month and collected the morning mail for you. There was yet a moment for you to repay him and now would be the perfect chance to give back for all his numerous favors. Not thinking much, you turned the lock west and the door opened on its own as a stumbling Mr. Shin entered your apartment.

“Mr. Shin what happen–”

It was as if he was possessed. The man old enough to be your grandfather staggered over the threshold and grabbed onto your shoulders, forcefully pulling you towards him. Your left hand pushed against his ribcage as you simultaneously pressed your other hand against his throat, your fingers digging into the open wound and getting coated in red. As the lights seeped into your apartment, you saw his lifeless eyes, red mouth and pale face. Your scream was loud enough to wake the whole of Seoul.

Still struck by the image of your kind neighbor looking like the upper part of him was put through a rusty meat grinder, you stumbled over your own feet and fell flat on your rear with Mr. Shin following in tow. Your throat was turning sore from all the screaming that didn’t reach your own ears. He didn’t stop his advances and his mouth was opening and closing in a  biting manner, his rotten teeth loudly chomping against each other snapping you in and out of your screams.

“Stop! Mr. Shin!”

It was as if you said the complete opposite as he fought against your pushing hands. Your hand which was previously on his ribs jumped up to his shoulder and gradually slid further up his neck. In the midst of your fright and panic, you latched onto the bone sticking out of his body. It was cold and sturdy, and so incredibly nasty that you nearly puked all over yourself like a wasted teenager coming home from a night out in the club. The friendly face of Mr. Shin with deep dimples and moon creasing eyes was void of any happiness. 

“Please, stop,” you cried out. Hot tears kissing your cheeks and lips wobbly.

You were left with no choice. Using all the strength you could muster, you dragged both hands in opposite directions. Like opening a newspaper with force and not stopping until it tore in half, his skin parted in the middle with more blood and tissue seeped out of him and straight down on you, coating your pink nightgown and bare skin. A modern version of Carrie.

A whispered apology left your mouth and what was once whole was split into two. The body of Mr. Shin slumped down over you while his groaning head rolled across your living room floor. You scrambled away from the corpse and didn’t stop until your back was against the couch, where a crying Nari loomed over you. 

“What the fuck? What. The. Fuck!”

Your hands shook uncontrollably. In an attempt to calm down, you weaved them into your hair, gently tugging at the strands while trying to arrange your fleeting thoughts into something rational. It was impossible. There were so many questions and not one answer. You didn’t know how long you sat there for. Maybe ten minutes? Twenty? An hour? Everything blurred together, but it were the wails of Nari that cleared up the mist you found yourself in. 

Throwing a glance over your shoulder, you saw her on the complete opposite end of the sofa. The blanket you provided her with was brought up to her chin. She was red as a cherry tomato, presumably from all the crying. As you somehow got up on your feet, her crying turned up in volume and you realized she was afraid of you. Thanks to the red smeared all over your body, that little mind of hers couldn’t differentiate between you and Mr. Shin. Probably assuming what happened to him got you too.

“Nari, little flower.” She peeked between her fingers obscuring her view. “I’m alright. I’m not…”

I’m not like him. I’m safe. I’m well.

“I’m okay.”

Three years had passed since the outbreak started. One thousand and something-something days of moving from location to location, clearing rundown gas stations and seven-elevens, surviving on canned food and dried fruits and nuts. It wasn’t particularly easy surviving an apocalypse with a child. The first month was spent shifting between crying for her parents and then mentally aging half a year every day. You, on the other hand, promised no more tears would be shed ever since you decapitated your sweet grandpa of a neighbor. A decision made for the safety of both yourself and Nari. The girl that was thrust into your care for a few hours turned into a lifelong partner, however long that would be.

Perched on the roof of an apartment building you spent the past month temporarily residing in, you thoroughly examined all the stuff you needed for the long journey waiting ahead. With the little resources you had left, it was safe to say your time in the capital was coming to an end. Every store in a one-mile radius had been emptied and those that were still full of necessities were in the red zone, also labeled a suicide mission.

A shadow loomed over you, obscuring the sun from your view and providing you with a cooling shade. “You tell me not to sit in the sun, but you’re doing the complete opposite?”

You looked up at Nari, your brows scrunched together and mouth pressed into a straight line. It was a poor attempt at a joke, Nari knew that much, but it didn’t stop her from sharing her lame humor with you even if it didn’t go far. Glancing between a packet of bandages and the bottle of alcohol, you weighed your options before throwing in the alcohol. If either of you got hurt, it’d be better to clean the wound with alcohol than to plaster on a bandage and call it a day. 

Zipping up your backpack, you got on your feet and threw it around your shoulder. “Do as I say, not as I do.”

“That’s no fun.” She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. The oversized cap you found in a local store shop was one or two sizes too big for her head, but would fit right in about a year.

“Because fun gets you killed.” 

You pushed the cap further down on her head and headed for the stairway. The sun was high in the sky and while it would be best to wait for the heat to pass, it would leave you with a lot of walking in the dark. Not the most ideal time to be outside as the biters were more active during the night.

“Okay, so when can I get a weapon? Like a gun-gun. Not a sharp stick.”

“We’ve already talked about this, Nari. The adult has the gun and the child keeps the map.”

“The map won’t help me fight bad guys.”

You clicked your tongue and patted yourself down. The knife was in the holder attached to your hip and your gun was loaded with the safety lock on, resting against your other hip.

“No, but it will help you find safety which means no bad guys to encounter.” You unclasped the big chains looped through the metal handles of the roof entrance and opened the doors. “Ready?”

“As long as we find anything besides chips. Like was there an overconsumption of the salty potatoes in twenty-twenty four or what? Why are the stores full of them? I don’t get it. They taste like eating a handful of salt.”

Inheriting the guardian role of a child wasn’t something you planned to do until much later on in life. You weren’t prepared to take care of another being, let alone be responsible for their growth and not let them take on the personality of a psychopath. Through the long year of parenting and providing shelter and safety, you had a hard time finding the perfect balance between a strict and laid back aunt. While Nari still deserved to experience the life of a normal child, you were aware normal in a world full of rotting cannibals wasn’t the same as a year ago. Instead of playing with dolls and cars, children were taught how to work a gun and where to aim for a hundred percent kill.

Nari knew the theoristics. Their senses were diluted in the day and heightened at night, but a speck of blood would leave you vulnerable at any hour. The heart and brain were the weak points. For absolute certainty it was best to aim for the head even if a bullet was already lodged through their hearts. She knew all these facts, but had yet to take on a biter. Her kill count was a zero whilst you stopped counting after double digits. It was another thing you had taken upon your shoulders. As long as you were breathing and capable of clearing the path off obstacles, Nari’s hands would remain clean.

Before she could walk through the doors and take the lead, your arm shot out and halted her in place. A serious expression took over your features as you held Nari’s gaze.

“Remember; I need to see you and hear you at all times. Don’t stray from my line of vision, don’t just walk away and in case of an emergency–”

“Hide, sit and wait it out or run until my lungs are about to explode and my feet are covered in blisters.”

You inhaled deeply. Future you would either come to regret this decision or thank the heavens. From the pouch wrapped around your thigh, you took out a small switchblade. 

“Good. That’s good.” 

You flipped open the blade and wiped it against your thigh before folding it again. The switchblade wasn’t much of a use to you, ever since you found the combat knife hidden in the armory of some old man’s apartment. It was your companion for a little more than a year and saved you from a lot of trouble, but it was time to pass it on.

“I’m thinking…”

“Is that for me? Am I finally getting a weapon?!”

“As I was saying before being rudely interrupted, I was thinking of giving you my old switchblade.” You could practically see stars light up in her eyes. “But with the promise you won’t use it unless absolutely necessary, okay? That means it’s in your pockets and I only want to see it in your hand if it’s a life-or-death situation.”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Nari shuffled excitedly on her feet and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say your persistent rant entered through one ear and out the other. 

Sighing again, you handed it over and watched with attentive eyes as she tested its functions. Then, as ordered, she stuffed it in her back pocket and gave you a determined nod. Leading the way down the long flight of stairs, you shared the plan you put together over the span of three days while Nari was asleep and you kept watch. 

“I think it’s best if we head south. Most of the infected have probably been drawn by the loud sounds in the big cities, leaving the countryside vulnerable. The only thing I’m worried about is coming across other humans.”

“Sounds good. We can maybe grow crops and have cows or pigs? Aw, man, now I’m hungry for some pork belly.”

It was in these moments you were grateful for Nari’s presence. Her childish takes and questions were what kept your sanity intact. If it weren’t for her, you’d probably be roaming the infected streets like a lifeless monster gnawing at other humans.

“Sure. We’ll see what we can find, but ideally it’d be best to find shelter and then animals.”

“As long as I get to own a fluffy cow, I don’t care when or where. Don’t you think it’d be cool if I put a saddle on it and killed biters while riding her?”

The glare she received was hotter than the scorching sun and sharper than your knife. It was enough to keep her quiet for the majority of the journey, but it could only last for so long before she started firing questions again.

“Can I make a birthday wish this year? I promise to keep it realistic.”

You spotted a secluded shop that was yet to be raided for its goods. The windows were covered by planks — they seemed to be placed in a hurry — placed askew and barely shielding the glass panes behind the wood. The door was untouched, not a scratch on it besides the color chipping away and rust collecting on the chain tied around the handles. Nari was a smart kid. For her seventh birthday she didn’t ask for anything extravagant. A new pair of clothes, preferably a pink shirt and shoes. Because of safety reasons, the shoes were out of the picture unless you wanted to be an easy target. It’d be like spotting a Christmas tree in the middle of July. It wasn’t until her ninth year came around that she asked for the impossible; a dog. You couldn’t find a group of people that weren't out to kill you, let alone a creature with the appetite of a starving jaguar. 

“Okay, let’s hear it.”

“Teach me how to use a gun?”

The four cans of peaches were placed close at hand and you quickly scooped them into your bag as the question looped in your mind. In a perfect world where people didn’t turn into rotting cannibalistic creatures, you’d never entertain the idea of a ten-year-old handling a weapon. But the world wasn’t perfect and her birthday wish was more logical than her wanting a Barbie doll. You really wanted to say no. Use the excuse of wanting to protect her innocence for a few more years, but what good would that bring her in a moment of desperation? What would be worse, a longer life haunted by nightmares or a short one full of flowers and bees?

“If we find a little one,” you muttered lowly and handed her a pack of sealed batteries. 

She squealed and you masked your own smile with a scowl that immediately had her pressing a hand up to her mouth, a futile attempt to suppress the gleeful noise.

“Gotta make sure we don’t die before that though. You keep watch while I scavenge the place for anything useful. We’re leaving in five.”

The shelves were full. It was harder to pick things when you had more to choose from. You wanted nothing more than to stuff everything into two duffel bags and be on your merry way, but it would get you nowhere. The five minutes were spent choosing between bandages and medicine or extra food and nutrition. As you gave in and stuffed the two sealed medkits, the sharp whistle of a bird sounded through the store. Your head snapped up as cans clattered to the ground. Forgetting about the other necessities, you zipped up your bag and hid behind the shelves in the back where Nari too had taken shelter.

“What did you see?”

“A car. It stopped right out front, but I didn’t see who came out.”

The sound of the door opening killed the hushed conversation. Quite some time passed since you encountered other people, but each run-in was always more unpleasant than the previous and it left a sour taste in your mouth. Avoiding biters was easy — the creatures had rotting brains with no critical thinking — it was dealing with other humans that gave you a fright. There were already psychos in the normal world and you didn’t want to imagine what demons you’d be dealing with now.

Nari quietly slid down and sat on the floor, knees pressed up to her chest and a hand over her mouth, while you pulled out your gun and knife. Your wrists connected, making a human cross and the hand holding your gun rested on top of the one clutching the blade. Your finger was on the trigger with no fear of firing a bullet or two; anything to secure your survival.

The footsteps belonged to one person and you hoped whoever it was didn’t bring a friend. In a circumstance with the dead you’d throw something sturdy in the opposite direction of you, but dealing with other humans would take more than some trick. The best would be to avoid any bloodshed, take the car and leave fast as fuck. 

As the walking ceased so did your thoughts and you were certain your heart could be heard all through Seoul. A can of pears rolled by, passing your hiding forms and stopped as it hit the wall opposite. Whoever was there seemed to have found the tumbled cans, a give-away that they weren’t alone. 

“Come out,” they said calmly. The voice was deep and belonged to a man.

A curse died in your throat. Weighing your options, you glanced down at Nari and signaled for her to stay put. The man was obviously aware of your presence and with you as a distraction, Nari could get out. You weren’t worried about yourself more so over her safety. You could cut and swing and shoot, but Nari could only run and slash, and even that wouldn’t get her far. Left with no choice, you stepped out of your hiding with your arms locked and gun poised straight at the man. 

Yeah, Nari would have a zero percent chance of outrunning this guy. He was taller than the shelves and the majority of his body consisted of legs and muscle. Not only that, but his arms were long too and he’d probably get to you in three steps or less, hands quick to grasp at your shoulders and neck. Hand-to-hand combat would leave you with a guaranteed loss and the safest bet would be to keep him at three arms lengths. Speaking of arms, he wore a black leather jacket. In fact, he as a whole was covered in black clothing — except for the white cap on his head — even his hands were adorned with fingerless gloves. Quite strange as you were in the middle of summer, but you had seen stranger things. Trailing downwards, you noticed a gun was semi-hiding beneath his jacket and you wondered what else dangerous he kept out of view.

The cock of a gun snatched your attention. A gun —  much bigger than yours — was in one of his hands and he made it out to be the size of a teaspoon. It looked ridiculous. Not only was this man tall as a skyscraper, but his hands were big enough to crush your head in.

Appearance wise — besides the overly traumatic analytic of his body proportions — he was quite handsome for living in an apocalypse, and clean too. Dark brown hair that tickled his nape and a fringe which nearly fell in front of his eyes. A long nose and round, but serious eyes which didn’t leave your figure since stepping in his line of vision. His lips, formed with a cupid’s bow, were pressed together and quite dry. If it weren’t for your unfortunate situation and the fact you didn’t care about him, you’d maybe offer him one of the hundred lip balms hanging by the cash register.

“Who are you?” 

It must have been the dumbest question to date. What value did your identity have in a fucked up world? 

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“And I asked first.”

You’ve held more mature conversations with Nari than this guy. 

Sensing you weren’t willing to give up any personal information, he tried approaching the situation in a different manner. “Are you alone?” 

“Yes,” you answered without skipping a beat. Your eyes were locked on his, refusing to glance in Nari’s direction. 

The silent battle of not moving lasted for a few more seconds until he decided to break it. 

“I’m Yunho.” 

The muscles of your mouth twitched downward and you tightened the hold on your gun, the trigger still being hugged by your pointer finger. You couldn’t give less of a fuck if his name was Yunho, Bruno or Minho. 

“I’m not here to cause trouble, I’m just looking for supplies. There’s a group of us, all very hungry and tired. We could use some of the food in here.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers.”

The corners of his lips curled in an amused grin. “No, they can’t, but all I’m asking for is a bit of compassion. You’re one person. We are a group of thirty-forty people. You surely don’t need all the food in here?”

A silly question. Everyone was either starving or injured, not to speak of completely sleep-deprived. Of course you needed everything. From the smallest piece of crumb to the most out of date canned fruit.

“Compassion flew out the window the moment I was attacked by other people. Who’s to say you won’t do the same?”

“If I wanted you dead, you’d have a bullet lodged between your eyes by now.”

Fuck this guy, you were not giving him shit. 

“That was the wrong thing to say, wasn’t it? However, I don’t think you’d let me leave with anything to be honest,” he chuckled and lowered his gun. A bold move for a guy who was deliberately pissing you off.

“You’re finally getting the hang of things around here. I advise you to leave while I’m still being civil. It’d be a shame to end the life of someone so brave. Risking your life for thirty-something people. That’s hard to find nowadays.”

“Doesn’t take much. Maybe you should try it sometime.”

A comeback rested on the tip of your tongue, but was swallowed with a startle as vehicle lights seeped through the sealed windows and the squealing sound of tires coming to a stop outside. You slid back behind the shelf where Nari was still seated on the dirty floor, but shimmied more over to the left so you could fit better. Both flinched as Yunho rounded the same corner. His eyes grew comically in size at the sight of Nari and if it weren’t for the newcomers, you were confident he’d make a comment about her presence. Probably something about honesty getting you far, which you clearly lacked, and you’d argue it left you with nothing but a broken nose. 

As the door opened and multiple footsteps echoed through the store, Yunho stepped closer to you. His right hand came up next to your face as the other raised his gun, ready to attack if given the chance. His right hand was tense against the shelf and the only reason he wasn’t completely pressed up against you. The position was uncomfortable and you could smell a faint fragrance of lavender and some other herb emitting from his wrist next to your face. His other hand was raised up to his cheek, the pointer finger on the trigger and his face turned sideways as if to work out when would be the best time to attack. 

“Be careful, that engine was still hot. They couldn’t have gone very far,” a gruff voice exploded through the store. Great more men.

“Looks like this one wasn’t raided, Boss,” another man announced, his voice squeaky and unpleasant for the ears, as a third guy whooped in delight.

Light as a feather, your fingers brushed against his elbow closest to your head and the brief contact was enough for him to find your eyes. You nodded to something behind him and Yunho held your gaze before slightly turning sideways. A door was left ajar. Usually, you’d never enter a space without checking it free from infected or traps, but it was either meeting these strangers head on with a guy you were ready to blow the head off a few seconds ago or going head on into danger. 

Yunho prodded the side of his cheek with his tongue and pointed at Nari. He wanted her to go first, but you were quick to shut the thought down. As much as it drove you crazy to leave Nari in his wake for a moment or two, it was safer than having her deal with biters alone. Your pointer finger was driven into his peck and Yunho shook his head. What a gentleman. There was no time to argue so you pointed at yourself, then at Nari and lastly at Yunho. He wordlessly agreed and you gave a quick pat to the top of Nari’s head. As you pushed off the shelf, Yunho grabbed your bicep and it took everything in you not to drive your knife in the side of his torso. It was then you discovered one of the men standing in your blindspot and had you stepped out he would’ve definitely seen you. The man turned around and Yunho’s fingers were off you in seconds, giving you the green light to go. Stealthy as a cat and quick as a bunny, you disappeared behind the door without alerting the men.

You found yourself in a passageway leading to a bigger space which you recognized as a storage room. The rest of the room was bigger than the front of the store and somewhere in the far back, behind stacks of prepackaged foods and other goods, you could see a green emergency sign, probably a door leading to the outside world. Your only concern being if something was against it on the other side. Seconds later, Nari came through and the world spun faster than it’s normal at a thousand miles per hour.

“We have to help him!” She hissed and pulled at your wrist back to where you came from.

“Help who?”

“Yunho! They’ve spotted him or, no, they saw me, but he went out of hiding so they wouldn’t go after me.”

“Nari, stop. We have to go.”

“What!? We can’t just leave him.” 

You tore your wrist out of her grip and latched onto her shoulders in return. “The fuck we can’t. He’s not my priority. You are.”

“He tried to help us and even got us both to safety! Please, auntie, it’s the right thing to do.”

“What did I tell you about playing the hero? We’re not in some video game, Nari. It’s the real world. Just because it’s right doesn’t mean you’ll get out of there alive and I’ve done a lot to ensure our safety. I won’t let some stupid men be the reason I lose you, do you hear me?”

She shook out of your embrace and pushed you back. Tears littered her waterline and lips wobbled from holding back sobs. “Why are you so mean?”

No punch to the gut would make you lose your breath the way those five words did. How would you explain to a child that the last years were all for her own good at the same time as you were letting someone else die?

“Fuck,” you whispered and clutched the roots of your hair. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” 

You checked the magazine of your gun and counted six bullets. All you needed was three.

“Okay, fuck. Here’s what we’ll do. You clear this area. Take anything that’s useful and not heavy, okay? I’ll go check the situation outside. Whatever happens, don’t fucking think of coming for us. Do you understand?”

“But–”

“I said, do you understand?”

Hesitation swirled in Nari’s eyes and she gnawed on her lower lip. Agreeing with your conditions meant she was practically leaving you for the dead and while you always returned, safe and untouched, it made her more aware of this being real with no take-backs. Remembering the kindness Yunho showed within the second he met you, Nari couldn’t take it for granted and be selfish. 

“I understand.”

Slamming the magazine back in your gun, you nodded. “Good. If I’m not back in a few, get out and run.”

First, you were unofficially tasked with guarding a literal child, and now you were sent on a rescue mission for a literal stranger.

The door was still not entirely closed and before you dared to peek your head out, a couple voices along with Yunho’s filled the silence. “I’m telling you, I came alone.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that the Wrangler outside is driven by one man only? Be honest, how many people do you have hiding in the storage room?” 

Yunho sighed exasperatedly. “Four less than what’s out here, so you do the math.”

“Boss, this guy thinks he’s funny. Want me to take him out or leave him to suffer?” The pipsqueak asked and by his voice alone you could guess he wasn’t much taller than a fifth grader.

“Don’t do shit, Mouse. I want to find that lil girl first.”

The blood in your veins ran cold at the mention of Nari. Now you had to kill them or they’d circle back to you. 

“Say less, Boss.”

“Lizard, keep your eye on him and Mouse? Go check that room.”

Changing positions, you hid behind the door, handgun exchanged with your combat knife and raised up in front of you. The heartbeats were loud in your ears and mouth dry from nervousness. All you had to do was catch him off guard and the rest would fall into place. 

The door opened inward and you pressed further into the wall, completely disappearing from his line of sight. Gently, you nudged it back in place and stalked behind the supposed Mouse. You were right, the man wasn’t tall and Yunho put him to shame with those long legs of his. Light on your feet almost as if floating through the air, you inched closer to him and advanced. Your hand went over his mouth, index finger and thumb pinching his nose shut, and the knife plunged hard into his back. Mouse barely struggled, which was a given, and you gently let him down. To guarantee he wouldn’t come back and bite you in the ass, quite literally, you allowed the blade to go through his skull, ending any chance of possessed resurrection.

One down. Two to go.

It would only be a question of time until their boss sent out the second guy to look for Mr. Pipsqueak over here and it wasn’t like you could dispose of the body and clean up all the blood. Whatever you’d do next would catch the attention of the leader and you hoped Yunho’s height wasn’t just a show off, but that he could actually take him on. For all you know they could be from the same community. Yunho did mention they were thirty to forty people.

Taking Mouse by his armpits, you dragged the body away from the door and hid it behind some crates. There was still a track of blood smeared all over the tiles leading straight to the body. It was how you wanted it to be. Mouse wasn’t completely useless. A flashlight was attached to his hip along with a fairly bigger gun than your own — you recognized it as a glock — and a taser. These guys were either a part of previous law enforcement or raided the place. You tore the bag off his shoulders and flung it over your own, it wasn’t heavy at all and you hoped he at least had some extra bullets. Feeling like you wasted enough time you hid behind two boxes stacked on top of each other on the opposite side of Mouse. Whoever entered would react to his body first before they’d catch a whiff of you.

Any time now, you thought and crouched into position. As if speaking into existence, the door swung violently and collided with the wall behind, and your muscles tensed. The grip on your knife tightened and you refrained from breathing too loud. You refrained from breathing at all. 

“What the fuck?”

Your plan was in motion as Lizard immediately noticed the blood. Anyone cautious enough would think of it as a biter attack and not something created by a pair of human hands. As thought, the man crossed the nonexistent threshold into the actual storage room and immediately saw his comrade in a forever slumber. He hastily turned around, gun up in the air and eyes wide, a wildfire spread in them as he locked gazes with you. His open mouth formed into a mean scowl and as his finger hugged the trigger, you lunged forward with your arms out. They pushed against his and — to your favor — changed the trajectory of his gun. The bullet was fired up in the sky, marking the start of your fight. 

Lizard shook you off himself and you fell with a roll landing behind more crates and boxes. As you got up on your feet, a pair of hands grabbed you by the collar of your shirt and smashed you back down. The air was knocked out of you and the telltales of a concussion quickly flooded your body. Your brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen and the world was spinning faster than a thousand miles per hour. Lizard threw a knee over each side of your hips and grasped a firmer hold around your neck. The air you were craving didn’t enter your lungs. Panic and the instinct to survive seeped in your veins as you desperately clawed at his hands. 

“You fucking bitch. Think you could take us out, huh?” He hauled you off the floor only to slam you back down. “C’mon, do something now. You can’t, can you? You bitches are good for nothing.” He chucked sinisterly. “Don’t worry, I’ll make it so you feel everything before I let you turn into those devil spawns.”

It felt disgusting. His rough hands on your skin and spit flying in your face. Tears clouded your eyes and the more he squeezed, the more it felt like they were going to pop out of your skull. It wouldn’t surprise you if veins were prominent on your head and neck or your nails turned a creepy shade of blue. You wondered if you looked as scary as the rotten biters. 

Lizard was staring into your soul. He made it his life mission to take you out. To see the life slip from you. If you weren’t on the verge of death with hands restricting your vocal chord, you’d ask him what woman rejected him to be calling you a bitch every five seconds. Too caught up with seeing you die, he was completely unaware of anything else. Eyes crazy and mouth pulled upwards, the happy expression scared you more than anything else and perhaps it was what still kept you going. Your arm was extended, fingers fighting to grasp the knife which was just about out of your reach. Black spots appeared in the air and it was getting harder and harder to stay conscious.

“Dumb bitch, do you think I’m fucking blind?”

Your combat knife landed in his hand — the other still pushing at your neck — and came up against your cheek. The sharp point rested against your delicate skin.

“I should leave a mark. What do you think? You’re quite pretty for a bitch.”

Garbled words were whispered out in the open. Realizing you wanted to say something, he let up on his hold. The inhale of oxygen was sharp and hurt more than it did soothe your lungs. 

“What did you say, scum?”

“I said,” you inhaled deeply and raspily exclaimed, “go fuck yourself!”

Your thick spit mixed with blood launched and landed straight in his eye. The knife was temporarily off your face as he wiped the saliva off his own.

“Should have picked a better choice of last words.”

A gun went off and your heart stopped. When did Lizard get a hold of his gun?

Warm, sticky blood splattered all over your face and your skin beneath the thick liquid burned. Lizard went limp and fell forward, and you wasted no time pushing him off you. He landed with a thud. The crazy from his eyes was gone and now he was left to stare lifelessly at the ceiling of a random storage room. More blood pooled on the floor and you stared at him, chest heaving and oxygen slowly getting back in your system. Your hearing was overtaken by a buzzing sound, like the whistle of a kettle or the harsh wind of a storm, and didn’t fully return until a few minutes later. 

Noticing a figure, you tore your gaze away from the body and it landed on something more lively. In front of you — not a scratch to his face and a few splatters of red adorning his cheeks and forehead — stood Yunho, one hand holding his gun and the other stuffed in the front pocket of his pants. His eyes trailed all over you, but lingered longer at the area around your neck, for what reason you couldn’t bother grasping as you were too busy catching your breath. Done ogling you, Yunho stuffed the gun in the holster attached to his hip and waited for you to accept his hand.

“Is your compassion back now?”

“Auntie!” 

The familiar voice of Nari snapped you out of the pain. You whipped your head around and were met with a flash of black hair and thin arms circling around you, pulling you closer to a shuddering body. The smell of rose petals and dirt wrapped around you in a secure blanket.

“Nari,” you croaked out. 

“You scared me.”

No words could relay how sorry you were and instead you embraced her in a hug, your hand coming to caress the back of her head as the other was gently laid on her back. Something wet hit your shoulder and seeped into your bloodied shirt. 

“It’s okay.”

You didn’t sound okay and your throat may have hurt, and you’d just gotten the cloud of darkness out of your view, but none of it mattered. Having Nari in your arms unharmed meant you were well too. Yunho silently stared at the intimate moment unraveling before his eyes. The forty people waiting for him back at camp were the equivalent of your one niece and he understood that. Everyone had people they’d do anything for, someone keeping them going in this living hell. Nari was your person. She helped you back on your legs. A bit shaky, but up nonetheless. With the back of your hand, you wiped away as much blood off your face as possible, but it felt like you were smearing it around.

“Here.”

You jumped at the four-letter-word and pushed Nari behind you. Yunho, who was holding your knife, gun and a rag you hadn’t seen before, didn’t take offense to your heightened protectiveness. You nearly died at the hands of another man, he’d be worried if you weren’t cautious of him. He gingerly held out your things and planted them in the palms of your hands. 

“I didn’t think you’d wait around.”

“I wasn’t,” you confessed and cleaned your face. The rag smelled of oil and tires. “But she talked me into it so if you’re going to thank someone, thank the kid.” 

At the mention of her doing, Nari peeked over your shoulder only to retreat as Yunho’s eyes found hers. Cute, he thought and smiled at her timidity.

“I know she makes the last calls, but thanks, kiddo. I’d probably be in a lot of trouble if it weren’t for you.”

A long silence settled over you. The fingers of Lizard still ghosted over your neck, an imaginary pressure squeezing your tendons and making you fight for air. With the expectation to touch the digits of someone else, your fingers ran alongside the tender area and the suffocating feeling disappeared. Yunho followed your movements, jaw clenched and eyes darkening at the sight of gradually growing blue and purple bruises on your skin. 

“We part ways here,” you declared and returned the cloth. 

“You think that’s a good idea?”

Yunho didn’t mean for it to come out as a threat and he backtracked when your stance grew defensive, your hand armed with the knife and the other thrown protectively in front of Nari. 

“It’s dangerous at night and you’re hurt. Come back to camp with me. My people, we could patch you up and give you food and medicine until you’re good enough to go out on your own.”

“Not a chance in hell.”

“Look, I know you’re suspicious of me. I get that, but I won’t hurt you. If I wanted you dead–”

“I’d have a bullet lodged between my eyes. I know, but I could also get a knife lodged through my back or neck snapped when least expected.”

Yunho sighed. “If you don’t think you need the help, at least think of your niece. A week or two where she doesn’t have to wake up wondering if you’ll have enough food and water to last you for the day. Don’t you think she deserves to have a break too? Where she can act her age and not be alert every waking hour of the day?”

What kind of question was that? Of course you wanted Nari to have a normal life. Where she could meet friends, go to the mall after school, have boyfriends and girlfriends — whichever she was into — experience her first heartbreak whether it be romantic or platonic. You wanted it all for her. You’d hand pluck each and every star in the sky if she asked you to. What you weren’t going to do, was put her in harm's way. 

“You’re asking me to do the impossible… Choosing between living and surviving.”

A small hand came to rest on your lower back, fingers weaving into your shirt and anchoring you. It didn’t make you flinch, the contact was an all too familiar occurrence by now. A wordless reminder to take a breather and actually think things through. To not make decisions based on what was right or wrong, safe or dangerous, life or death. Throwing a glance over your shoulder and seeing the sullen expression on Nari’s face was enough of a reason to accept Yunho’s offer. 

This girl would be the death of you and you’d have it no other way.

The ride to Yunho’s camp lasted for well over a day, but you didn’t set off until the sun peeked over the tall buildings of Seoul. You were already taking a risk trusting Yunho, the last thing you needed was a run in with the biters at night. On the bright side, it gave you more than enough time to search the store for necessities. There was little to no space left in Yunho’s Jeep and you were assured, if rationed sparingly, the supplies would last his group for a week or two. 

Beautiful scenery of abandoned farms and vibrant, lively forests passed in blurs. You couldn’t remember the last time you were out of the city. Away from skyscrapers, ditched vehicles and hoards of biters. At some point you passed a group of horses that once belonged to humans, but turned wild. Yunho switched the blinker to the left before turning, a built-in reflex from years of driving in normal traffic. He glanced in the rearview mirror and smiled. Nari was sprawled out in the backseat, her bag sufficed as a pillow and a purple stuffie — which Yunho had a hard time figuring out the species of — was trapped in her arms. He wondered how a girl seemingly his age and a child lasted so long without a network to lean back on.

“What did you do? You know, before everything went to shit?” 

The greenery was replaced with Yunho’s profile. You lingered a little, taking in the slope of his nose, pouty lips and pinkish ears. The ends of his hair curled, tickling his nape and falling over his eyes. As he averted his gaze for a split second, you hastily looked back out the window.

“Nothing. I had recently moved to Seoul with a fresh diploma. The plan was to find a job and save up for traveling and other shit, but job hunting didn’t go as expected so I worked part time babysitting my neighbor's daughter until an opportunity would present itself. The outbreak happened before I could put my education to use.”

“She’s not your niece?”

“Not by blood, no, but she’s the closest thing to a family I have left.”

It took a while until Yunho said something else. The running engine and the crunch of tires on gravel mixed with the stillness of the countryside. The conversation sent you down memory lane. Images of your dad teaching you how to ride a back and then a car popped up like an ad that shifted to one of your many girl’s days with your mom. Not bearing the cumbersome memories, you rolled down the window and aired the car out. 

“What about you? What were you doing?”

Yunho jolted and the car swirled left then right until it was back to driving in a straight line. A loud groan came from the back. Nari sat up, eyes squinted and lips pouting as a hand came up to rub against the back of her head. The driver offered her a sheepish smile and a whispered apology. He cleared his throat and pressed on the pedal, the car accelerated and with enough speed he shifted his right foot on the clutch and changed into a higher gear.

“I was working in a repair shop. School wasn’t it for me and I knew a dude whose father worked with cars so he pulled some strings and before I knew it, boom, I was seventeen and employed.”

For a second, you imagined him in blue working pants, a white tank top and smudges of oil on his fingers and cheeks. Maybe far in the future when you bought a car and it eventually broke down or needed an oil change, you’d stumble into his workplace and meet him there. No threat of having your brains blown out or body gnawed out by the infected, but be welcomed by his cheeky smile and the question of what needed to be fixed today. 

“So you can teach me how to drive?” Nari burst your bubble. Her head peeked out between the two front seats, one arm latched onto the headrest of Yunho’s seat and her upper body completely crossed over to the front. 

“Car rule, kiddo.”

An annoyed sigh left her lips as she dramatically flung back in her spot. With no hurry behind her moves, she buckled the seatbelt and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“And no, he can't teach you how to drive.”

Nari snapped her mouth shut and sank further down in her seat. You’d reconsider if she asked for it as a gift for her birthday, but that wish was already decided. While it could be necessary for survival, most of the cars you found were already emptied of gas and what good would it bring her if she couldn’t see over the wheel? She was already pushing it with wanting to handle a gun.

“I mean, I don’t mind going through the basics–”

Much like Nari, Yunho sealed his mouth shut at the scorching heat of your glare. No more words were exchanged apart from Nari asking Yunho about this supposed camp. Questions about how big it was, were there animals, were there dogs, what kind of rooms they had and other questions reminding you she was just a kid.

“We have a dog.”

“A dog! What’s its name?!”

Yunho hummed, “His name is Heart.”

As the two got into a nice conversation about the dog, stars glimmering in their eyes and hearts overflowing with joy, you caught wind of movement in the distance. A singular figure stopped in the middle of the road and at first glance it was almost mistaken for a biter, but as they raised their arms up and took on the stance of a man you realized you weren’t dealing with the infected. Eyes widening and brain not functioning to produce the words, you rapidly started hitting the dashboard.

“What?” Yunho glanced over at you and then back through the windshield, still not seeing anything alarming.

“Stop the fucking car!”

The bullets moved faster than Yunho could slam down on the brakes and tore right through the glass, piercing him in the shoulder. Nari screamed and Yunho tried avoiding the shooter, but the pain made it hard to maneuver the wheel and he drove into the person, killing them right on the spot. You turned around to check on Nari, hoping not one of the three bullets grazed her skin and as the car swiveled to the sides, you faced the front again. View obscured by cracks in the glass and shards flying everywhere, it was hard to make out the road and it wasn’t until you got closer to the other vehicles that you screamed.

“Watch out!”

The collision sent you into a deep sleep that would last until the sun kissed the horizon and greeted the moon on her way out. Stars twinkled in the sky, no city lights or air pollution there to dim the pretty view. You woke up with a stir. A heavy ache spread through the back of your head and spread to the front. Chirping of crickets and raspy groans filled the silence. You put a hand up to your head, feeling for a cut or blood or any injury to have you lightheaded, but there was nothing.

“Fuck,” you managed to get out through a dry mouth.

Unbuckling the belt, you turned around and were met with a switchblade in your face and Nari’s teary eyes staring at you. Furrowing your brows, a noise akin to a confused hum left you and your gaze ventured to a passed-out Yunho. 

“Please, please, please don’t be one of them. Please, don’t make me do this. Anyone but you.”

You glanced back at Nari and saw big, fat tears running down her cheeks. The knife in her hand was shaking and her breathing was unstable. Images of the incident flashed in your mind; the shooting, Yunho’s shoulder, the collision, you losing consciousness. 

“Nari, are you alright? Are you hurt?”

As you moved further over the console to see her better, she shimmied backwards and yelped.

“Don’t touch me! Please.”

You weren’t scared of the weapon, but of the one behind it. However, in this situation, you knew Nari wasn’t capable of hurting a fly let alone the one person who cared for her. The knowledge didn’t soothe your mind. Clasping your hands around her shaking ones, you took the switchblade out of her hold and ran your thumb soothingly over her skin. 

“It’s okay. We’re okay.”

“Yunho,” she started and wiped her nose. “He’s hurt. There was so much blood and, and–”

You couldn’t fathom how you didn’t notice his bare body, the bloodied bandage going around his shoulder and chest, or his faint breathing as if barely there. 

“I– I tried fixing it. I used one of our medkits to stop the bleeding, but I didn’t know how.”

Your fingers gently pressed on his bandage and then you hovered them beneath his nose. “No, it’s good, I think you've stopped the bleeding. It’s his breathing I’m concerned about.”

“Why?”

“It’s weak. We have to get him to that camp.” 

You unbuckled his seatbelt and moved his chair further back. With gentle slaps to his face, you called his name. God knows what you’d do if he didn’t wake up. There was no way you’d be able to carry him out of the car and into the backseat.

“Come on, wake up!” You hissed and started pulling at his eyelids. It was after the fifth repeat of his name that he fluttered them open. 

“Angel?”

“Who’s Angel?” Nari asked.

Disregarding her question, you gave him one more chaste slap to the cheek. “Are you with me?”

Yunho nodded and tried to sit up, only to groan in pain and fall back.

“Yeah, buddy. I don’t know if you remember, but you got shot. It looks pretty bad and we need to get you help.” 

“It hurts.” 

“I can imagine. Can you hold out until you’re in the back?”

With a determined nod and sigh of exasperation the plan was in motion. Before jumping out into the dark, you scoped out the area and spotted a handful of biters standing quite far from the car. 

“We gotta be quick,” you warned and ran over to Yunho’s side. 

Throwing open the door and placing his uninjured arm over your shoulders, you helped him — more like pulled him — out of the car. Nari was quick to open the backdoor from inside and move away. Blood drew from how hard you were biting your tongue. He was making quite a fuss and the last thing you needed was to gather the attention of the biters. By the time you were behind the wheel, Nari had jumped to the front from between the seats. 

“Will you be able to see?” Nari gestured to the broken windshield. 

By some miracle, the whole glass was still intact except for the one hole created by the bullet currently inside Yunho’s shoulder. The other shots probably hit something less vital or completely missed the vehicle.

“Yeah, it’s not that bad. Annoying? Definitely, but manageable. Just put on the seatbelt and give me your map.”

Doing as told, you unfolded the paper and turned to Yunho. “Okay, hey. Hey! Are you with me? Good. Now, point out where we’re going.”

Slow as ever and shaking like a baby foal, he managed to press his finger on the paper and you were quick to mark it down with a pen. 

“Good, that’s good. Nari, you keep an eye on him. If he falls asleep, wake him. We don’t want him sleeping for more than a few minutes at a time. If he shows any sign of turning, and I mean any sign, you tell me or we’re all as good as screwed.”

“Got it.”

The most recent time you handled a car, you were still living with your parents and only really used the family car for when going somewhere out of town. Driving was like walking. Once you got it down it was a part of your nervous system. Sure, your skills could get rusty the longer you went without driving, but they sat in the back of your mind like the multiplication table. 

You were an hour into the drive and by your calculations, you wouldn’t reach the spot for another two.

“Who do you think Angel is?”

“It’s none of my concern, Nari.”

“No, but I’m curious. Do you think it’s a friend?” Your silence spurred her on. “Or a girlfriend?” She tauntingly wiggled her brows and you had half a mind not to steer the car into a tree.

“Again, it really isn’t my or your business.”

“What Korean person is named Angel though? Isn’t that, like, really foreign?” Nari gasped dramatically. “What if it’s his child? People are more modern with names these days, but he does look a bit too young to be a dad…”

“Nari,” you said, a sternness to your tone.

“Okay, okay… But what if he thought you were an angel?”

It was going to be a long two hours. 

Multiple signs with poor writing were stationed with a distance of ten miles between each board. The words were in black — whether it be by paint, a marker or a spraycan, you didn’t know — with an arrow showing what direction to follow.

“Sector one, all survivors are welcome. Doesn’t sound that bad, right?”

You scratched the side of your neck. The consistent position of sitting with your arms stretched out and feet on the pedals was giving you an ache in your back.

“I guess we’ll just have to see. How’s he holding up?”

Nari wiped sweat off Yunho's forehead. “He’s still breathing. A bit sweaty, but he’s not burning up.”

“We’ll be there soon enough. Let’s hope at least one of these forty people is a doctor or something. There’s only so much a medkit can do.”

Noticing another sign, you flashed the high beams and lit up the whole road. The only difference about this poster was the additional wooden plank beneath reading, five kilometers away and an arrow showing left. Doing as the sign read, you turned left and came off the street into a secluded path obscured by trees and bushes. It was big enough for three mid-sized cars, but it was still suffocating. If anything jumped out, you’d only have the option to run them over.

“This is scary,” Nari whispered from the back as if a louder volume would draw an army of people or biters from nowhere.

“Agreed.” You stepped on the gas and advised Nari to hold on as the road was getting bumpier the faster you went. Yunho’s head bobbed to the side and hit the window multiple times until Nari placed Spiderfrog between them.

The forest gradually grew further and further away from the road until a chain-linked fence came into view. What came next was like something taken out of a fairy tale. On the other side stood big cement walls with barbed wire continuing all around the top edge. It was already impossible to climb them due to their height, but the steel spikes made it abundantly clear to not even try. Each corner of the walls had a little house, like a treehouse created out of stone, with a perfect sight miles away. The greenery separated the remaining world from the castle-like building and you wondered where in hell you had arrived. As the magic of a fairy tale evaporated into thin air, it dawned on you where Yunho’s group had taken shelter. 

At a prison.

“Look.” Nari’s arm came through the middle and her index finger raised at something so obvious it should’ve been the first thing to catch your eye. 

The Jeep slowed down as you lightly pressed on the brakes and shifted down until in the first gear. A sign bigger than all of the previous ones you’d seen combined was nailed to the gates of the chain fence. There were actually two signs, one nailed to each door. 

Welcome to Sector One.

Pulling on the handbrake and turning the keys sideways, you breathed out as the vibrations of the car came to a stop. The keys were left in the ignition. You weren’t going to take chances on an ambush happening and you panicking with finding the right key, inserting it and starting the car without stalling it.

Checking your gun and reloading it with the bullets you found in Mouse’s bag, you turned to Nari. “I’ll go first. Don’t get out until I give a signal that it’s clear, alright?”

“Yes.”

You gave them one last glance. Yunho looked peaceful, but lacked the warmness he greeted you with and although you didn’t know him well enough, it was still weird seeing him like that. Treading on the thin line between sleep and death. Then there was Nari. The girl had grown… you wouldn’t say attached, but rather fond of him and his kindness. There weren’t a lot of people who offered you a roof over your heads and food in your tummies, besides, she was still young when the breakdown happened. Not nearly enough time spent in this world to create bonds with more people, especially kids her age. Yunho was — other than you — her closest thing to a friend, someone she deliberately chose to befriend and stand up for. Something was telling you he wasn’t about to leave your lives any time soon and if this place proved to be as good as he was making it to be, you'd be forever in his debt.

You stepped out of the car and quickly surveyed the area. It was still dark out and the moon was high up in the sky. Staying on alert with your gun ready, you stalked closer to the gates. The towers seemed to be empty of watchers and you didn’t know whether to feel happy or wary of it. If the place was safe, shouldn’t someone be on the lookout? The sound breaching your ears seconds before Yunho was upgraded with a new wound to his body went off again and a bullet — you couldn’t see, but feel — skimmed past your toes. If you had a penny for every time you were shot at, you’d have two. Not the biggest number in town, but it sure was crazy considering it all happened in the span of two days.

Clasping your gun between both of your hands, you aimed it high and looked around. The bullet came from a place where the shooter had a perfect view of everything. Your eyes widened as a body that wasn’t there seconds ago stood in the tower closest to the gate. No wonder you didn’t see them, they blended perfectly in with the dark swirls of the sky. You’d argue their black clothes — a hoodie pulled over their head and swallowing them completely — were darker than the background. However, it wasn’t their sudden appearance that had you frozen in place, it was the rifle resting in their embrace.

“Drop the gun and step back,” they shouted and when you didn’t comply, they continued. “Drop the gun or have your brains blown out. It’s your decision, sweetheart.”

Cursing the mysterious person didn’t feel like it would give you free entry into Sector One. Then again, if it meant dealing with armed people shooting without a thought behind their heads then you didn’t want in. For the sake of Nari though, you did as the guy ordered and raised your hands in a mocking gesture.

“Kick it away from you!”

“Are you serious?” You mumbled beneath your breath. The guy was really testing your patience. Playing the part of an obedient dog, you sent your handgun hurling toward the gates.

“Nice Jeep you have there. Where’d you get it?”

“A friend of mine.” 

In any other circumstance Yunho wouldn’t be described as your friend. Heck, you couldn’t even call him an acquaintance. The guy was still a stranger in your eyes, but you wouldn’t test your luck with the rifle-guy. 

He chuckled — dare you say charmingly — and lowered the rifle so it was resting on the rails of the tower. 

“That’s funny because my friend has the exact same car with the exact same logo on the front and last time I checked, my friend went out alone for some dog food and not with some girl. So, let’s try this again… Nice Jeep you have there. Where’d you get it?”

“Yunho. His name is Yunho. A funny guy, quite tall too.”

Rifle-guy moved with such speed that the hood slid off his head. The weapon was raised again and you were certain he was a millimeter away from shooting you dead. 

“What did you do to him? You better answer fast or I’ll send so many bullets through you, we’ll alert every biter in a ten mile radius.”

“He’s in the back. Breathing, but barely. He offered me a place to stay and we got attacked on our way here… I stopped the bleeding, but there’s no guarantee of his survival.”

Time seemed to stop as the guy didn’t move. You didn’t dare breathe louder and tensed your whole body from moving an inch. Anyone with a weapon aimed at you and their finger on the trigger wasn’t to be trusted. A bullet could be fired with the slightest of movement and you weren’t about to suffer the same fate as Yunho for breathing a little harder or accidentally losing your footing.

Feeling impatient you cleared your throat and spoke up. “I can show you… Yunho. I can show you he’s in the backseat.”

“How do I know you won’t get something to shoot me with?”

“Because people who have something to lose won’t act so recklessly.”

“And, do pray tell, what is it that you value so highly?”

Letting out a shaky sigh, you slowly turned your head sideways and looked through the cracked windshield. The guy couldn’t see her, but you and Nari made immediate eye contact. You flickered your right hand forward slowly and she caught onto what you were trying to convey. The backdoor opened and with a copy of your stance, Nari exited the car, arms high and vacant of the switchblade you gifted her. She came up to stand beside you, a tight-lipped smile on her face. The guard was taken back as a literal child appeared. Of all the people he encountered over the wall, not once had he aimed the muzzle at a kid. It was usually Yunho or some of the others who brought them in. He dealt with strangers who were lost or searched for cover. Rifle-guy closed his gaping mouth and lowered his weapon again. 

“Stay there. I don’t want either of you to move,” he explained and proceeded to talk into a device.

A lamp on the other side of the fence lit up and two figures appeared from a door leading into the building. They were heavily armed, so much you could see, and were of a great build. One was challenging the other with his height — he even gave Yunho a run for it — but the other made up with his broad shoulders. Both carried a rifle each and had thick vests going over their chests, leaving you wondering what kind of camp this was. Were all newcomers welcomed with a rifle straight out of the military embassy and a one-month training program to become ripped?

The pair stopped and just stared at you through the fence. The headlights of Yunho’s Jeep reached to their knees, but made their faces more visible. The first thing catching your attention was the freshly bleached hair on the tall one. It looked ridiculous, but his serious expression scared you into being quiet. Not to mention his sharp yet round eyes which told you he wasn’t amused by your presence. He stuck out like a sore thumb. His companion was more subtle, with parted black hair and a short fringe falling in front of his eyes, but in a fashionable way and not the my-hair-is-a-mess way. Speaking of his eyes, they were sharper than Mr. Snow White over there, but held the heat of a bored tiger. He had very prominent cheekbones and naturally styled brows every model dreamed of having. The sleeveless shirt he was wearing gave a beautiful view of his thick arms, you’d argue his one bicep was the size of your head. 

The men were as handsome as they were dangerous and you first realized how unfortunate of a situation you were in. Yunho was a nice guy, but his actions didn’t seem to reflect those of his friends. The sound of the gates opening by a mechanic whirring snapped you out of your worrisome thoughts. 

“Don’t move,” said the white-haired one. His voice was deeper than the ocean and struck you to the core. 

You wanted to let him know you weren’t planning on it, the threat of rifle-guy hanging over your head. As Snow White advanced to the car and picked up your abandoned gun on his way, his friend held you at gunpoint. You cast a quick glance to the watchtower and saw rifle-guy doing the same thing, his weapon supposedly aimed at Nari. Their positions didn’t change, not even when the car door opened and Yunho was carefully thrown over his friend’s shoulder. The pair shared a look and you were ushered back in the car before you could ask about Yunho’s well-being. Nari followed shortly and it confused you as to why she sat in the passenger seat. When the black haired guy sat right behind you, gun positioned toward Nari, you understood.

“Drive up to the door. Don’t think of doing anything funny and I won’t hurt the kid.”

Through the rear-view mirror you held his heated gaze and he raised a perfectly arched brow as if daring you to disobey. Giving up, you started the car and did as ordered. If you had known you’d be rewarded with your heroism by having a gun presented to Nari’s head, you'd have taken the Jeep and left Yunho on the side of the road. Instead, you listened to a freshly turned ten-year-old and got thrown into a jail cell, all for trying to help a guy not die. It could have been worse, you tried convincing yourself. The guards — is what you decided to call them — could have separated you and Nari. 

You didn’t expect much of a prison. The most you knew was from textbooks and documentaries online, and the material didn’t give you the best image of the place. You expected dirt, filth and wickedness everywhere. The prisons you heard of gave nothing to the prisoners, they treated them like animals with shitty food and equally shitty sleeping arrangements. To see your cell furnished with a bunk bed, a table in the corner and blankets, you were bewildered. San — the shorter guy with broad shoulders and a tiny waist — locked you in with the promise of returning shortly. Staying true to his words he came back, but with the company of Mr. Snow White. The only real bad side to this arrangement was them taking away all your weapons. Nari’s switchblade, and your combat knife and handgun were all in the possession of San.

“Up to the wall,” he ordered and didn’t lock up the door until your backs were one with the wall.

Mr. Snow White entered first with two trays in hand. Your eyes quickly scanned what he was holding. It was food and water. You weren’t going to lie, the food looked appetizing and you hadn’t eaten a warm meal in a good while, but you knew better than to accept food from strangers. Mr. Snow White placed the trays on the table and straightened back up.

He cleared his throat and clasped his hands behind his back. “I’m Mingi.”

Your eyes didn’t leave his and the neutral expression on your face didn’t falter. He didn’t move and you realized he was waiting to hear your names. You licked your dry lips and glared harder at him. You weren’t going to tell him any–

“Nari. I’m Nari,” she spoke up from beside you.

You whipped your head toward her and she was purposefully avoiding your gaze. You couldn’t believe your ears. There wasn’t a critical thought behind that head of hers. Glancing back at Mingi, he raised a brow and tilted his head sideways. Being left with no other choice, you gave up your name. Just because you were exchanging pleasantries didn’t mean you were going to be all friendly with them though. They literally took you hostage after you helped one of theirs. 

“Okay… Uh, eat.”

As San fiddled with the jail doors, you coughed up the courage to ask about Yunho.

The jingling of his keys stopped and San looked up at you. The fierce aura from when he held you at gunpoint and growled threats in your ears was replaced by an unexpected softness. His eyes didn’t send blades your way and the corners of his mouth weren't pulled in a scowl. Everything about him was completely different and for a flicker of a second you could see the same compassion lit in his soul as well as Yunho’s.

“He’s okay. He’s better. You did a good job stopping the bleeding. He’s still… Unconscious, but his breathing is more stable now.” San sighed and stuffed the key back in his pocket. “I’d like to ask what happened, but it’s not… Our Captain wants to talk to you first thing in the morning.”

You weren’t surprised at the alias for their leader, it seemed like a lot of people had a knack for weird names.

“I want to talk to Yunho. He’s the only face I can somewhat trust.”

“And you will, but first you’ve got to talk to the captain and then as soon as Yunho wakes up we’ll bring you to him, so eat and rest.”

Neither of you moved toward the food. It smelled delicious though and your stomach was turning in on itself from hunger. Seasoned chicken and potatoes. How they’d acquire that you had no idea. It didn’t matter though. Everything came with a price, before it was actual money, but now you could be forced to pay in numerous ways. Some which you didn’t want to imagine.

“And the food? What do you want for it?”

“Want for it?” His dark brows scrunched together and a little wrinkle appeared on the surface between them. 

“What do you want in exchange for the food?”

As if a light switch went off in his head, he waved his hands around. “Nothing? Nothing! It’s free, I mean, it’s leftovers from dinner… We’re not like that. The thing out front was just a precaution. I promise.” 

His gaze shifted from you to Nari and his expression softened into that of pity. You both kept quiet as his somber eyes trailed over her lean body and you were a toothpick away from pushing her behind you.

“You’re too thin for a kid… Please, eat… And when you’re done, I’ll– I’ll, uh, bring you something sweet, okay?”

“I like chocolate,” Nari whispered.

“Well, I hope you like pudding because we have lots of it.” As San closed the last big door separating you from the rest of the camp with the reminder to eat, you wasted no time chastising Nari for her lack of critical thinking.

“You can’t go around and trust people like that. This,” you gestured toward the area outside the cell, “isn’t permanent. We don’t know what they want or what they do to newcomers like us. Not to mention they think we hurt Yunho.”

“But we can’t always expect the worst to happen. They could help, Yunho said they would help.”

“Yunho isn’t here! It’s just you and me locked up. Out there we could at least roam free, but now, we don’t even know if we’ll ever see daylight again.”

Fatigue tugged at your eyelids and all the muscles in your body burned from overexhaustion. You plopped down on the bottom bunk, arms propped on your knees and head in your hands, as you tried assessing the situation. However you looked at it, you were at a disadvantage. Your only hope would be Yunho waking up and even then you weren’t entirely free from harm. The tall man could still lie and put the blame for his wound on you.

The bubble of darkness burst as keys clashed together and the cell door was harshly opened. You didn’t remember falling asleep or laying down in bed, or the feel of your head hitting the plush pillow. It just happened. Rolling off the bed, you took on a defensive stance with your hands coming up to your face. You were ready to pounce at anyone daring to come inside.

“I thought I told you guys to eat?”

Blinking your weary eyes awake, you took in the disappointed look of San. This guy apparently had a thing for promises because he was standing there with a chocolate flavored pudding in hand. The two trays on the side were once filled with warm food and had turned cold from being out in the open for long. Your stomach growled in retaliation and you tried pushing back the thought of regret.

Regret for not eating. Regret for yelling at Nari. Regret for helping Yunho.

“And I told you I wanted to speak with Yunho.”

Additional shuffling footsteps echoed in the empty block and the familiar head of black locks peeking from around the side of your cell grabbed your attention.

“Calm down now.”

“Yunho!” Nari wasted no time climbing down the ladder. Her imaginary tail wagged violently as if an excited dog reuniting with her friend from the park. Thinking about it, you weren’t that far off with the visual imagination. They got into a small conversation about his shoulder that quickly shifted to questions about Heart. You breathed out and slumped down on the chair behind you. Yunho was alright. He was breathing and talking and walking just fine. The chances of your and Nari’s survival skyrocketed by fifty percent. He gently patted the top of her head and a dimple you hadn’t paid attention to earlier formed on his cheek. The ripped pieces of fabric from last night were replaced by a white loose-fitting t-shirt and — instead of wearing his black jeans — a pair of gray sweatpants covered his long legs. 

“You’re okay.”

Yunho hummed. “Of course. It takes more than a measly bullet to get rid of me.”

“You were closer to death than life,” was what you wanted to say, but held back. It wasn’t your place to remind him of his state. Besides, he wasn't anyone of importance. Yunho was your ticket to safety until you decided to move along somewhere else.

“Not to interrupt your lovely reunion, but Captain wants to see you soooo,” San interrupted. “Let’s go.”

He proceeded to sheepishly smile as you raised a brow at the loaded rifle in his hands. “I’m sorry, but it’s just a precaution.”

A precaution for what? They already took all of your things. How big of a threat could you pose with your bare hands and a kid against a mountain-shaped guy and his skyscraper of a friend? There was nothing you could do to put a scratch on either of them and you were certain you’d get an arm, if not both, broken in return.

“Can we see Heart after this?” 

San’s brows flew up at the question and he turned toward Yunho who was still sporting a bright smile. “They know about Heart?”

The taller of the two men only shrugged, but the gleeful expression gave him away. You didn’t have enough energy to reprimand Nari for her nonchalant behavior. The girl was doing whatever she wanted and you didn’t deem the situation dangerous enough to land either of you in trouble, unless the dog was rabid and attacked at first sight.

“Let’s see what their leader wants first, okay?” You put a hand on her shoulder and guided her out of the cage.

Nothing prepared you for the walk from one empty cell block to another full of people gauging you like circus freaks. It wasn’t that weird considering you and Nari looked to be taking daily baths in the sewers and voluntarily gave each other body altercating wounds, but it annoyed you nonetheless. Fear pooled in their eyes, young as old, and you wondered how out of touch with reality they really were. July turned into August three times since the outbreak started. What kind of rules was Sector One built upon if their people couldn’t hold their own? 

It made your blood boil. You wanted to give them a reason to be scared. Bare your teeth at them and ask what they had been doing while you were fighting for your life day by day. 

“This is where I stop. Yunho will be with you, so just follow him,” San said from behind you. “Captain’s already waiting inside, Yun.”

“Roger that soldier… Come on, let’s not keep him waiting.”

The room they labeled the ‘Captain’s headquarters’ was probably where the previous warden spent most of their time while working. It looked nice. Classy. You could argue it was a different world than the rest of the jail. There was actual furniture inside, two leather sofas facing each other with an expensive looking table in the middle. To your left was a little window looking out on the common room; the area where people ogled you like nothing. Behind the leather set up was a mahogany desk where a man much shorter than Yunho, Mingi and San sat. Two pairs of chairs were placed across from him, letting you know he was expecting your and Nari’s presence.

The most outstanding detail of his was the white bandage wrapped around his forehead and slightly over his right eye. Captain — as they called him — stood up, a smile taking over his features and his eye creasing from cheesing too much. He had quite a peculiar look to himself; short black hair in the front that grew more at the back and covered his nape like a semi-mullet with the sides freshly shaved. His nose was charming and pointed, quite small too and the lone eye reminded you of a cat’s. Mischievous and cunning. 

Unlike the rest of the people you’d met, this guy wasn’t wearing plain clothing. A white button-up shirt clung to his thin frame and a pair of black slacks actuated his well-formed legs. It wasn’t something people wore in the apocalyptic setting as they opted for clothes allowing them more movement. To top it off, a green military jacket reaching above his ankles hid the fancy outfit underneath. 

“Take a seat, please.”

While you and Nari did as told, Yunho cleared his throat from behind and the leader’s eyes (or well, eye) lit up with a particular glow.

“It’s nice to see you back on your feet, Yunho, but try not to die when you go out on a mission next time, hm?” 

Said man mockingly saluted and leaned against the wall beside the door. 

“Want anything to drink? Water, tea, juice?”

Your stone cold expression conveyed your answer and the silence from Nari wasn’t hard to decipher either. 

“The offer still stands if you change your mind… Anyways, welcome to Sector One. I’m Hongjoong or as the people call me, Captain.”

You didn’t put up a fight to keep your names a secret. Mingi, San and Yunho already knew of them and it wouldn’t take long until one of the three whispered it in their leader’s ears. 

“I already know of you. I talked to San, Mingi and Wooyoung about it and the guys told me fairly the same things, but I’m still curious about what you have to say.”

“Does it make a difference?” You asked and parted your legs, leaning comfortably against the backrest and your arms coming up to cover your chest. “You’re obviously going to believe your little soldiers before even taking into account what I have to say.”

Hongjoong smiled even wider, not taking his lone eye off you and it was slowly starting to bug you out. Especially when he didn’t blink and just continued holding your gaze. 

“That’s valid, but I’d rather hear your side before I decide on anything. Think of Yunho as an alibi, plus you look quite young to be fending for your life. For both of your lives, so I’m feeling a bit sentimental.”

The insult of him shoving his dick up his own ass didn’t get to be flung out in the open as Nari took the lead of the conversation. She spilled everything from your first encounter with Yunho to your near-death experience as a person appeared out of thin air and unloaded rapid shots.

“And Yunho said you had a dog named Heart and promised me I’d get to meet him!”

Hongjoong, who was resting his arms on the desk with his fingers intertwined and lips touching the skin, sighed and gently sank in his chair. His arms fell on each armrest and his head lolled to the side as if in deep thought.

“We do have a dog named Heart and that does sound like something Yunho would say… Tell me more.”

Always eager to humiliate you, Nari jumped straight into action. “He called auntie Angel… When he went in and out of consciousness.”

Your body heated at the memory and Yunho’s eyes widened. He had no recollection of that happening. A pink hue which rapidly changed to a darker red settled over his ears and he hastily avoided the curious eye of Hongjoong, much like you. The short man couldn’t hold himself from laughing and you were a molecule away from threatening him.

“Who is Angel?” Nari turned in her seat and stared at Yunho with a curious gaze. She was dead set on figuring out this mysterious person. 

Hongjoong recovered, but the yellow glow of happiness didn’t dim from his face.

“Oh, little one. There’s no one named Angel at camp.” He glanced over at you who glared daggers at the pristine white wall. “I’m almost a hundred percent convinced Yunho thought your auntie was an angel coming to save him and I can’t say I blame him for mixing them up.”

“Will you shut up?” You snarled.

“No. I don’t think I will.” He smirked while standing up and averting his attention to Yunho, who wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow him whole. “Does that sound familiar to you?” 

“Uh… Ye– Yeah.” Yunho scratched the lobe of his ear, growing uncomfortable as they burned more. 

“Good… Now, I’ll consider keeping quiet if you tell me what it is you want. Why did you come here?”

“Yunho offered us a place to rest until we headed back out on the road.”

“So you wanna stay, is that it?” 

Hongjoong didn’t like when people circled around things, you mentally noted. He wanted it served straight to the point and you understood; he was a leader with people to look out for, but it didn’t make it less embarrassing asking for help. For the sake of Nari, you swallowed your pride, albeit with difficulty, and nodded.

“Then enlighten me. How many infected have you killed?”

The dumbest thing to come out of this apocalypse — after the biters — would be these questions. You didn’t survive this long by hiding and outrunning the dead, it was a common fact and as far as you knew, Hongjoong couldn’t have talked his way out of an encounter with biters. As for other humans, you didn’t doubt his sharp tongue and talent for outsmarting them in getting what he wanted. It was no wonder Sector One was functioning, the whole organization was under his care.

“Could you answer how many breaths you’ve taken since birth? Exactly. It’s too many to count, but it’s well over a hundred.”

A tense silence spread through the room. You couldn’t decipher the look on his face. He would be an infuriating opponent in a game of poker.

“How many people have you killed?”

“Five…” You exhaled a big gust of air and kept your eyes trained on your shoes. 

The memories of each person at the end of your knife or gun weren’t pleasant. They were locked in a chest in the back of your head with no intention to be let out. It took you far too long to get used to their faces appearing in your sleep. Waking up from a rapidly beating heart and heaving chest became a part of your routine until it suddenly stopped. It didn’t mean you weren’t thinking of them whenever you were stuck in a silence too loud for your own inner voice.

“Why?”

Curse Hongjoong’s curious mind and soft spoken tone. You really didn’t want to talk about it, but you also didn’t want to risk being thrown out of the prison — every convicted person was probably turning in their graves — as it was currently the safest place for Nari.

“The first one… It was a mercy kill and the only life I took without the intent of surviving,” you began and avoided Nari’s eyes. No one knew of this. Only you, the victim and whoever was watching above.

“It was still early on in the apocalypse and Nari hadn’t even turned double digits so I rarely ever brought her with me. This was one of the times she stayed in our old base while I went out looking for food. Back then I was scared of searching through stores and my biter kill count hadn’t even gone over five, so I stuck to clearing houses and small corner shops… 

“The house was relatively empty and it didn’t take me longer than three minutes to continue upstairs. It was a boy, maybe around Nari’s age now. I found him hiding in his parents’ bedroom, blanket up to his chin and face entirely wet and red from crying. He was bit and yeah… There wasn’t much I could do.”

Casting upwards, you locked gazes with Hongjoong. The stone-hard expression was still there, but a twinkle of sympathy flickered in his brown eyes.

“The most recent one was when Yunho found us,” you continued. “A group of men wanted to raid the same store as us and well… they weren’t the kindest of guys. It was either kill or be killed. Yunho can vouch for that.”

It was quiet after that. You could faintly hear the people going on about their day in the cell blocks and the small details of life around you. Yunho’s shifting in place. Nari picking on the skin around her thumb. The clock ticking above the doorway.

“You mentioned five people, but we’ve only heard about two.”

You should’ve known better than to think Hongjoong wouldn’t ask about the remaining three. It wasn’t something you were proud of, but it needed to happen or everything you’ve based your new life around would go to waste.

Sensing Nari move in her seat, you decided to keep the explanation brief. “Some men… attacked Nari.”

“That’s all?” Hongjoong asked, curious as to why they weren’t getting a lengthy story.

“That’s all you need to know. They put her in danger and I put them six feet under… I protected my own. Wouldn’t you do the same?”

“I have. We all have.”

The reply was instant. So he did kill someone. Not that he’d ever know, but you were intrigued. How? When? Why? In this time and day it’d be more concerning if he hadn’t killed someone.

“I’m willing to let you stay on one condition.”

He brought you out of your bubble. You squinted and folded your arms. “Which is?”

Hongjoong rounded the desk and leaned back on it. Legs crossed and hands coming back to rest on the edge of the surface. “You may stay in Sector One… but because of Yunho’s injury, one of you will have to look for resources in his place.”

To be frank, the offer wasn’t bad. You were already in charge of scavenging and finding safety over your heads. It was a no-brainer Nari would stay inside the four walls of Sector One and you’d take Yunho’s responsibility while he recovered. It would only be for a few days, you reasoned with yourself, and then you’d take Nari by the hand and leave to a new destination.

“Hongjoong! I’m perfectly fine going on my own–” Yunho was interrupted and stopped advancing forward, his hands hovering in the air as your voice overpowered his.

“I’ll do it, but I have a requirement of my own.”

“Go ahead.”

“I’ll do the scavenging, clearing areas and helping around the prison if Nari stays out of it all.”

“Auntie!”

“Butt out.” You threw her a look and she sank back in her seat, an angry pout taking over her lips. “Do we have a deal?”

Hongjoong smiled and held out his hand that you shook with strength. 

“Deal… Yunho, fill her in on how things work around here, would ya?”

“...Yes, Captain.”

The agreement to stay a week or two in exchange for risking your life prolonged to a month. But with a little persuasion from Wooyoung — the guy who nearly shot your toes off — and Yunho, you came to the realization that staying in Sector One until further notice was a better option for Nari than living on the streets. 

Week three of temporarily living in the prison was inaugurated by another run for supplies and you were meeting Hogjoong’s demands by going alone. San offered to come with — something he had been every single time — but you told him you could hold your own and that the prison needed him more than you would. He didn’t fight your decision and also refrain from hiding the concern on his face. San was like that, you realized. If he wasn’t planted on the post or following Hongjoong’s orders, then he’d be doing rounds asking everyone if there was anything they needed. 

Another sweet guy who wasn’t all content with you venturing outside the prison walls on your own was Yunho. It was his fault you were doing so in the first place, of course he wouldn’t be happy with you doing runs in his stead. He didn’t want to entertain the possibility of you getting hurt or — even worse — bit. Yunho would never forgive himself. You didn’t have time to reassure either of them you’d be fine. They were both old enough to know such promises wouldn’t hold longer than a goldfish out of its tank. You simply collected requests of the people inside and tried to cross out as many things on the list as possible. To keep everything under control, you made up the rule that everyone could wish for one thing each and it had to be bearable otherwise it would be impossible to shorten the list. 

Today was a successful day. A toothpick wouldn't fit in your bag from how packed it was. Batteries, hard soap, pads, cigarettes, crayons, dog treats, books, pacifiers, chocolate bars, you had it all and headed home. A blue collar with a silver heart attached to it was stuffed in the back pocket of your jeans. It was dirty, the color barely distinguishable from the dust and stains, and the heart locket started taking on a green hue. It was perfect for Heart and would be a shame to leave it behind. You were usually strict with your rules and rarely brought back things people didn’t ask for or were deemed unnecessary. The only exception was if it were something for Nari (you had to get better with that, but honestly speaking, you couldn’t care less). Back at the prison — one hour earlier than scheduled — you circled cell block two and handed out the goods to the respective person. Soon enough you were left with an empty bag and an unsolicited bag of chips in your hands, the extra salty type that made your mouth shrink and turn back in on itself. There was only one person you knew who was dying to eat these.

“Oh, you’re back already?” Mingi greeted you with a smile as you entered block one. 

The giant got up from his seat in one of the round tables and you met him in the middle. “Yeah. I underestimate how fast I actually am on my own.” 

“Better that than to have us running around like headless hens thinking something’s happened… Whatchu got there?”

“Snacks… For Nari. She really loves chips.”

“Cool. Ay, don’t let Yunho see you with that, it’s his favorite flavor,” Mingi chuckled and his boxy smile appeared, and as did his dimples.

“What a coincidence,” you murmured and cleared your throat. “Where is he anyways? Shouldn’t he be on… like, some duty?”

“Nah or well… yeah, but nah?”

You tilted your head quizzically and your eyebrows scrunched together like two furry caterpillars. Mingi waved you away as if you were the one spewing nonsense. Was he or was he not on duty?

“You’ll get what I mean when you see him. He’s in his cell doing nothing… something. No-so-thing?”

Twenty-one days. You had known Mingi for twenty-one days and each time you conversed, he didn’t fail to leave you more perplexed than the last time. His white hair should have been enough of a warning he was somewhat weird or at the very least confusing, but the equal amount of kind.

As you were told, Yunho was in his cell. You moved the white sheet that was covering his cell and admired his peaceful form laying in bed. Arms bent at the elbows and fingers intertwined beneath the back of his head while his ankles crossed over each other. The bed wasn’t quite fit for his tall figure making his feet stick out over the edge. You understood what Mingi meant now. Yunho was put on duty… a duty to rest until healed. Although that didn’t stop him from keeping the positive spirits up in the place. The first few days spent around him and his happy-go-lucky demeanor were enough for you to believe he was putting up a facade. You refused to believe the constant happiness he spread around was genuine. Witnessing even a quarter of the apocalypse was enough to tarnish any positive emotion inside a person and Yunho surely couldn’t be immune to that. But the more you lingered around him, the more you realized he was being himself. His curled up lips and squinted eyes, and a dimple popping out even when sleeping proved to be his true self.

“Are you just going to stare at me or?”

The fabric slipped from your fingers and shielded you from him and his chuckle. Of course he was awake. Everyone who was a part of Hongjoong’s patrol and resource squads was basically walking on eggshells. Slipping in his room, you were greeted with an overly joyous Yunho. A shit eating grin on his face and cheeks puffy and round from the smiling. His brown eyes carried a twinkle of mischief that had you frowning. Not bothering to entertain his poor taste in harmless jokes, you tossed the snacks over to him and plopped on the vacant seat opposite of his bed. A pair of comics were stacked in non-chronical order on the desk — some of which you recognized as Spiderman comics — along with scattered polaroids of him and people from camp, a bag of dog treats and his gun. 

“What’s this?” He asked and immediately sat up. The bag was intensely inspected as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. The gasp that left his mouth upon realization told you he knew exactly what it was you tossed him.

You weren’t prepared for his gaze to find yours. A look of gratitude painted his face and a wave of warmth welled over your body and sent your heart into palpitations. The attention was suddenly too much to bear and you averted your focus on the boring cement walls that were much easier to look at. You grabbed the comic at the top of the stack and aimlessly flipped through it, the colorful pages doing little to calm your heated thoughts.

“They are Nari’s favorite,” you began and stopped on a random page. “I found two and she told me to give you the other one.”

“They are my favorite too,” he whispered as if admitting a sin in a confessional.

There was no reason for you to lie, but the emotion in his eyes sent you into panic and it was like he could see right through you. It was embarrassing to admit, but you didn’t want him to think… You didn’t want him to know what you thought about him. Heck, you were still trying to accept the fact Yunho was slowly infiltrating your mind let alone giving him his favorite things like a poor attempt at a courting offer which it wasn’t!

For such a long time, you were only thinking about yourself and Nari. You never thought to fit a third person– scratch that. You never thought there’d be a third person to fit in your already busy mind. Getting attached to people was dangerous, it made you vulnerable and an easy target. The quickest route to your heart would be through Nari and you didn’t need to involve romance in that mess. Love was the greatest weakness of humans after all. Despite that, you couldn’t help but disguise your worry through acts and harsh words. Giving him painkillers in the dead of night, purposely moving peas from his plate to yours as you heard him complain about them once (without anyone seeing you, of course), or keeping an eye out for those comic books he’s into. Instead of asking how his recovery was going, you’d say, “You can’t be in that much pain if you’re laughing.”

Yunho opened the bag and wasted no time stuffing his cheeks with potato chips. The need to chastise him for eating too fast rolled on your tongue. Feeling like it’d be crossing the line of friendship and acquaintances, you hastily stood up and feigned stretching your back. Yunho peered up at you with his round eyes, pouty lips and puffed-up cheeks, and you nearly stumbled over your own feet. It was… so different having to look up at him and having him stare at you from below. He looked so pliant and what would be your drunken mistake after too many drinks on a night out with your friends. 

“I’m out,” you announced before you could do something you’d regret and ran to the safety of your cell. 

One thing you’d rather do than admit that Yunho made the apocalypse bearable was to take a screwdriver through your eye. Since meeting him, the world splattered in black and white for three-and-something-years was slowly getting back its colors. Perhaps it was his abnormal humor keeping you up way past the curfew set by Hongjoong or his weird faces having you burst out in laughter at the most inappropriate moments. It could also be his natural leadership, taking control over situations and coming up with plans when you were too tired to function. It made you feel taken care of, like you could slow down and breathe once in a while without worrying about what the next move should be. 

It was nice. It was good. It also meant your plan of shielding your heart from intruders failed miserably as Yunho slowly, but progressively, wiggled his way through the five hundred locks surrounding your beating organ. The thought hit you on a random night as the leaves changed into an array of more depressing colors and daylight didn’t last longer than until the afternoon for the second time since passing the gates of Sector One. You were used to a vicious cycle of waking up, operating on survival mode and going back to bed with no anticipation for tomorrow. Yunho, with his small talk and respectfully prying questions, changed that and you found him in your thoughts before sleep, during dinner, when washing up and whenever your mind wasn’t occupied with tactics of survival. You wouldn’t say you yearned for his presence, but you looked forward to seeing him, to hear him talk about the newest car parts he found on his latest run or to play another round of twenty questions (which you answered as nonchalantly as possible and asked the most boring questions known to mankind).

For a little less than two years, you worked on gradually welcoming more people into your life. You didn’t feel the need to hide yourself behind brick walls for protection anymore. You’d always be wary of newcomers — that was understandable — but you were done thinking Hongjoong and his crew had ulterior motives resulting in your demise. You could actually fall asleep around them without a knife tucked beneath your pillow and stopped offering to keep watch during supply runs — the fear of being killed in your sleep was built on the lack of trust — as the moon and sun exchanged places. There was still a long way to go until you could call Sector One a home, but at least it was safe and it was mainly thanks to Yunho.

As you loaded the last bags in the backseat of Yunho’s Jeep, he refilled washer fluid in the designated reservoir while shielded by the bonnet. 

“Auntie, wait! Don’t leave yet!”

Nari came running down the path, doing nothing to keep her volume down with Heart hot on her heels and his joyful barks mixing in the autumn breeze. Closing the doors, you leaned against them and patiently did as requested. She caught up to you and rested her hands on her knees, air heaved in and out of her chest as she tried catching her breath. She raised a hand, asking for a moment to not sound like she climbed multiple stairs.

“Okay,” she started and straightened. “I have something for you guys. Yunho! Come over here and close your eyes! You too, auntie.”

“Coming,” Yunho muttered and screwed the cap back on and closed the front surface of the Jeep. He did the thing you couldn’t call jogging or walking which did nothing to pick up his pace and came to stand beside you while simultaneously wiping grime off his fingers. He shot you a glance as if to ask what was happening, but you shrugged, knowing as much as he did. 

“Close them! And palms up.” She placed something tiny and light in your hands. “And open!”

A smile graced your face. In the palm of your hand was a bracelet. It wasn’t flashy or made out of silver or gold, on the contrary, it was created using two things; a piece of colored garn and the tab of a soda can. Your string was a vibrant red while Yunho got a pastel green. The ends of the garn were tied to each side of the tab thus creating a loop that would go around your wrist. It was simple and probably didn’t take longer than five minutes to create, but it was a gift nonetheless.

“It’s beautiful, flower.” You immediately put it on and showed her. 

Nari clapped her hands enthusiastically and squealed. “It looks so good and now you have a piece of me with you wherever you go!”

“That was sweet of you, Nari,” Yunho said, admiring the poor trinket on his wrist. “I’ve always wanted a good luck charm and now I got it so, thanks a lot, kiddo.”

The grin she sported grew bigger at the praise and Yunho couldn’t refrain from ruffling her hair. His attention was suddenly on you.

“You ready?”

“As ready as one can be.”

“Please be careful.” Nari engulfed you in a hug, and you immediately reciprocated.

“When am I not?”

“Don’t worry about her, Nari. She’ll be under my protection.” Yunho’s chest puffed up and he placed a hand over his heart. His lips did that upside down triangle shape making his cheeks look extra squishy while his eyes tingled in the sunlight.

“She better! It’s my family we’re talking about.”

“Okay, Rambo, calm down before you blow a vessel… And who is taking care of who? Last time I checked, I was the one protecting the both of us,” you trailed off and rolled your eyes.

“Are you two leaving soon or are you going to chit-chat the day away?!” The high-pitched voice of the one and only, Jung Wooyoung, came from the tower closest to the gate. 

“That would be our cue to get rolling. We’ll see you in a few days, kiddo.” Yunho ruffled her hair again, just because, and hoped in the driver’s seat.

Searching for food and other necessities had become a part of your life long before you joined Sector One, the only difference was leaving Nari behind while you stepped out into the danger zone, not knowing if you’d get to see each other again. You wanted to say it was easier leaving with time, that every departure wasn’t as heavyhearted as the previous, but you’d be lying to yourself. 

“Listen to Seonghwa and Yeosang while I’m away. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and if anything happens to the place, and I mean anything, you take your things and you run. I’ll find you wherever you go, okay?”

Nari didn’t reply. Instead, she wrapped her arms around you and hid her face in the crook of your neck. Thinking back to it, three years ago she could barely reach up to your neck, let alone tuck her head into it.

“I’ll miss you.” 

You sighed and pressed a chaste kiss to the side of her head. “I’ll miss you more. I’m going to try and see if I can bring you more of those pictures that fit your camera.”

Yunho gifted her a Polaroid camera for her eleventh birthday. It was a present that started her obsession with photography, the downside being the films were hard to find and were almost rarer than medical kits and unexpired condoms. This year he promised her driving lessons, however, they would have to wait until he was back from the mission. 

“Thank you.”

Two quick beeps was your signal to go.

“Seonghwa and Yeosang will help you with anything you need. We’ll be back in a few days, behave till then.”

“I always do,” she retorted, brows coming together and nose scrunching cutely.

You smiled slyly. “I know… Oh, and Nari?” She hummed and looked up at you through her lashes. “Tell that Eunwoo kid I have eyes everywhere even when I’m out of camp.”

Blush attacked her cheeks and she pushed you away with a noise of embarrassment. The words ‘we’re just friends’ tumbled out of her mouth faster than lightning.

The engine was warm and rumbling when you got inside. A water bottle rested in the cupholder closest to you along with a granola bar. Having spent a lot of time with Yunho, you grew accustomed to his silent checkups. It was his way of giving you comfort without putting it into words or asking aggravating questions that would have you exploding in his face.

“Ready?”

Singing, you clicked the seatbelt in place and nodded. “Let’s get this over with.”

The idea of raiding a mall in central Seoul was suggested by one of the civilians in charge of the prison’s crops. With the years, the member count in Sector One gradually grew. You went from thirty people to fifty in a month and it nearly doubled until the next summer. The number was now close to one hundred and ten. Paracetamol and other medical supplies were starting to run short and it wasn’t such a problem until the stores nearby had all been cleared, one after another the shelves were emptied. It was then that the first meeting took place, followed by multiple others to make up the perfect plan on how, who and when.

What was supposed to be a mission of twenty people was cut down to two. Initially, you told Hongjoong to count you out. You weren’t comfortable with doing runs bigger than a local grocery store or gas station, besides, Hongjoong was bound to give you a pass. It was the least he could do, especially as you searched for resources almost weekly, even going out of your way to take up others' scheduled runs. When the time came to decide who the two (un)lucky participants would be, Yunho took the initiative and your choice to sit on the sidelines was forgotten as you raised your hand up and volunteered. It benefited everyone because, honestly speaking, no one really wanted to put their own life on the line. 

The first step of the plan was to find a secure and easy access to the car if in need of a quick getaway. The amount of vehicles aimlessly left by the entrance of the mall clogged up the path. It was best to park the Jeep further away and Yunho contemplated whether to leave it on the road connecting the parking lot to the highway and as you weighed your options, it turned out that would be for the best. The handbrake was pulled up and in a previous life, he’d return to his car already towed away with a ticket waiting for him in his mailbox.

“You nervous?” Yunho asked as he strapped the high-quality vest provided by the prison to his body.

You huffed in reply and did the same. It wasn’t affordable to feel anything beside confidence and even too much of that could get you killed. The best emotion to describe you would be exhaustion. Tired of doing your utmost to survive day by day. 

The thick texture of the vest was uncomfortable and quite tight all over, however, you’d rather wear it than take the chances of being bit. “I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore. I just… want to get the things we came for and go back.”

Yunho checked his gun, although everything was thoroughly looked at back in the base. A small walkie-talkie was attached to his right peck while yours was hanging on the waistband of your pants. It was a precaution if you were to lose each other in the mall or needed to contact Hongjoong back at the prison. Your hair was tied back with the purpose of not falling in your face during hectic situations, but also so it wouldn’t be easy to grab. You had heard too many stories of women dying because perpetrators used their hair against them, latching onto it when they least expected it, not to mention many of the high school fights you witnessed where girls weaved their fingers into each other’s roots, pulling until chunks of hair fell out.

“To be honest, I think I’d get more bored of guarding the post all day. I can’t fathom how Wooyoung does it. Like don’t the trees eventually bleed into each other?”

“Probably. Then again, it’s Wooyoung we’re talking about. He has a freakishly good eye when it comes to intruders so I wouldn’t be too worried, besides, Mingi and San are quick to follow up if he does miss anything. Although it’s highly unlikely.”

Yunho unrolled a map portraying the inside of the mall on the hood of the Wrangler as you brought two empty backpacks from the trunk. 

“Remember the first step?”

“Technically, we’re already on step two.”

You rolled your eyes and muttered, “Smartass.”

The remark had his dimple popping out as a cheeky smile stretched across his face. 

“So we enter through here.” He pointed at a makeup store. “It’s the only shop we can enter through the backdoor without gathering much attention and the pharmacy is on the same floor. We can look through the salon first and see if there’s useful stuff in there.”

“Like what? I doubt anyone wants cosmetics in a time like these.”

“No, but I’m pretty sure there’s like sunscreen, stuff for the hair and body, shaving things. You know, necessities.” Yunho folded the map back together and slipped it into the back pocket of his pants. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing, I just…” You averted your gaze, but the amused smile was still here. “Didn’t know you were into cosmetics.” 

The pink hue of roses didn’t attack his ears, but his contagious chuckle reached yours and a smug smirk crossed his face. “Yeah? I thought it was a given, like, I’m a sucker for blush if you haven't noticed.”

“Oh, shut up.” You shoved him and he flew sideways as if weighing nothing. Trust Yunho into over exaggerating and making the situation look worse than it was. You didn’t wait for him to catch up — not that it would take him long — and immediately headed for the backdoor entrance. 

“This should be easy.” Yunho tied a black bandana around his mouth and nose to keep dust and bacteria from entering his system while you pulled up the neck tube gifted by Mingi a while back. 

The two of you shared a look and as Yunho nodded, gun in hand and flashlight in the other, you worked the door open and let the darkness of the mall swallow you whole. The storage room was like any other. Full of boxes and crates, and even a few shopping carts containing various make-up products. The layers of thick clothes did little to hold your warmth against the freezing temperature of the storage. Words were exchanged through your eyes, neither taking the risk of alerting potential resting biters or raiders, and Yunho’s light flickered to life. 

You sneaked around the space and took time clearing the area of threats. Confirm there wasn’t an unwanted presence with an urge to pierce your skin and feed on your insides, you could breathe a tad bit heavier and relax your rigid posture. Sweat coated your body and your pulse was loud in your ears. However many looting rounds you’d do, you’d never adjust to the adrenaline and fear that came with as a plus two. 

A faint whistle traveled through the air and your head whizzed up to see Yunho standing by a door, presumably leading to the actual store. He called you over with a nudge of his head and you tightened the grip around your gun and knife. He put off his torch and raised a finger to his covered lips, and you nodded. Taking a step back and planting your feet wider apart to get a sturdier stance, you raised your gun and used your other arm to support it underneath. It wouldn’t be ideal to fire off bullets inside, but if it came down to it, you’d be left with no choice.

Yunho hugged the handle and held up three fingers — his hand big enough to hold the gun with just his thumb and pinky — and began counting down. With his fingers gone, he gently opened the door and you stuck your head out, coming face first with the register. A big table shielded your view of the complete store and you immediately dropped to a crouch and waddled out, Yunho following close behind. It was much brighter out there than in the storage room courtesy of the light coming from the corridor of the mall, most likely from the windows on the ceiling. As you moved to round the corner of the cashier register, Yunho roughly grabbed your shoulder and nearly sent you stumbling backwards. Throwing him a questioning glance, he pointed to his ear. 

Moans and grunts in various tones vibrated through the building. Some were faint, barely there, and others were alarmingly loud. The weight of Yunho’s hand was still there and a soft squeeze of said man was enough to bring you back. He gave you all of three seconds to get your head out of your ass and follow his lead. 

Yunho weaved between the aisles — still crouched down — and as you peeked around him, you quickly realized the make-up store was untouched. All the products were in their designated place and it was abnormally tidy inside. No blood coating the white tiled floor or decomposing corpses laying around. The only thing you could think of was that the workers quickly rolled down the sliding grilles before any of the infected could enter and made their escape through the back. The longer you stared at the shutters, the clearer it became how tilted it was. One side wasn’t completely flat with the ground, you presumed it had something to do with one of the cogs being stuck. If it came down to it, the barrier would only hold so long against a horde of biters.

“How are we getting through that?” You whispered and wiped your clammy palms off your pants.

Yunho plopped down on his rear and moved into a comfortable position; his legs were propped up, creating a triangle passageway, and his elbows came to rest on his knees. You were in a similar stance, but with one of your legs flat against the ground and hands on your stomach. The sides of your thighs touched, but neither were distraught by the display of (accidental) skinship. Stealing a glance, you nearly jumped out of your skin as he hastily turned toward you.

“Okay, I got an idea…”

You swallowed thickly and nodded.

“So… I think I could raise the bar high enough for us to squeeze out. You’d go first and keep it up until I pass. The thing is, we need to have an emergency exit if everything goes to shit and I don’t wanna take the risk of us having to pry it open again and getting caught.”

“Yeah, no, that sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen honestly… I’m thinking we can find something sturdy that will hold it for us and we can just slide through if we’re being chased.”

“Let’s hurry.”

You got up and quickly scanned the store for something useful, but all you could see were make-up products, perfume, brushes and other miniature things that weren't good for your issue. You needed something easy to move that wouldn’t make too much noise and cave in under pressure. Looking around, you lingered on the door you came from and everything lit up as if a lightbulb appeared over your head. A whistling tune cut through the store and Yunho’s head popped up from behind a rack, one of his brows raised and you waved him over. 

“A shopping cart,” you murmured, a high tilt to your voice. “There are plenty in the storage room, they are easy to handle and won’t falter.”

The smile he showed you could easily be mistaken for his natural cheery persona and you convinced yourself it was just that. Yunho smiled at everyone, especially with those glistening eyes of his as if a brush coated in glitter went over them. You were the first to spring into action and it had nothing to do with the clump of nerves gathering in your abdomen from his soft gaze. It wasn’t the time nor place for confusing feelings, you thought as you grabbed the cart and pushed it out. Coming the closest you’d been to the grilles, you hid behind the trolley and looked through the small holes to assess the situation. Chaos was the first term to appear in your mind. 

Broken glass shards littered the previously white tiled floor. It was currently covered in muddy water leaking from the roof, dried blood and weeds sprouting from between the cracks. Rotten meat and rusty metal lingered in the air and it was disgusting, you had never smelled anything like that before. These biters had been there for quite some time, judging by the lack of skin on their decaying bodies and bony figures. They hadn’t feasted in a while and that scared you. Shaking your head clear of such thoughts, you looked in the direction of the apothecary and deflated. A big island of trees, plants and bushes was the first thing you saw. The decorations stood tall and wild, spilling over the fence so you couldn’t see the pharmacy that was supposedly on the other side. The run from point A to B suddenly got overcomplicated.

How would you know if the apothecary was open? And if it was, how many infected were there inside? What if everything was already taken? Then the whole mission was a fail. A waste of time, a waste of gas, a waste of–

“Everything okay?”

You could feel the heat emanating from his body and the aroma of his detergent and pine needle-like scent as he got near. In fact, you could feel him too, where his chest pressed up against your back and his left hand weaved into the grid of the cart, wrist centimeters from touching the top of your head. His close presence was dizzying and attacked your senses at the worst possible time, but at least it overpowered the stench of death. Compelling yourself to get over his spell, you explained the situation and Yunho, ever the optimistic, pointed out the positives.

“At least it isn’t teeming with biters as we thought. Look.” He gestured to the biters. “They are just standing there like statues so we can easily sneak past, plus, we have a few hours until the sun sets, meaning?”

“They are slow as fuck.”

“Bingo. We should be fine as long as we don’t set off a chain reaction and wake the whole building. Otherwise, we’re pretty fucked.”

“It’s risky,” you stated the obvious.

“Everything is nowadays, but don’t worry your pretty little head about that because I’ve got a plan.”

He thought your head was pretty–

“We can use that forest thingy as cover. The bushes and leaves are big enough to cover us completely. I say we use that to check the situation and see where we go from there.”

“I’ve got a better idea.”

“Which is?”

“I can use the bushes to check the situation and then call you over depending on the situation. Both of us shouldn’t throw ourselves out there. It’s dumb, what if it’s locked? It’d be a waste of energy.”

“Okay, I’ll do it.

“No, I just said I’d do it. Yunho, think about it. I’m quicker, harder to notice and there’s more things I can hide behind. You’re freakishly tall, where would you hide?”

He pondered for a moment and agreed in the end, but not before voicing his distaste for the idea. “I don’t like it when you’re right.”

“I don’t really care, just get the shutters would you?”

You positioned yourself behind the cart and watched as he rolled up the security shutters just enough for you to slip the metal hunk on wheels underneath. Still crouched down, you waited to see if the biters were drawn to the light clinking noises, but — much to your pleasure — it didn’t attract any. Before you could cross over to the danger zone, Yunho grabbed your bicep. 

“Be careful,” he whispered tenderly, like talking to a distressed dog. His hand remained until you nodded, but even when he drew back, the warmth spread out through your chest to the very tips of your toes and lingered to what felt like an eternity. 

It was pleasant. Safe. Yunho’s arms were safe, you concluded and wished to feel more of. Both his touch and the protection he provided.

“You too.”

You didn’t wait, wholeheartedly believing you’d stay back if you looked at his doleful expression for a second longer, and slid out. The biters were oblivious to your presence, but you weren’t about to abuse that privilege until it had run its final course. Like the existence of a ghost, you floated through the mall on your tippy toes, knife trembling in your tight hold and eyes frantically searching for trouble waiting to pounce out of nowhere. Considering you were always reaching for the short end of the stick or possessed more bad than good luck, it was no surprise you were constantly thinking five steps ahead. There was no need for that now though because you made it to the decorations without getting your knife bloodied. The greenery was bigger than what could be seen from the make-up store, a result of constant sunlight, water dripping out of a broken pipe and no one there to keep it tidy. You just hoped you were alone in the idea of hiding there. 

The pharmacy was open to the public. You didn’t know whether to deem it a win or a loss. Easier access was always good, but that included everyone and a bigger chance of the place already being looted. Not much more thinking and strategizing had to be done though, and you immediately signaled Yunho over. The inside wasn’t completely trashed either. It wasn’t as neat as the make-up store, but from what you could see, there were still things that could be of use or it was your wishful thinking kicking in.

“This is good… right?” It was so quiet that you nearly missed it.

“It’s less of a hassle getting in, so I’d say so. Our best bet would be that one keeps watch while the other gathers as much shit as possible, unless we want an early date with death.”

“There’s a pet store behind us too, maybe we can pick something for Heart on our way back.”

“We’ll s–”

A growl was quick to shut you up. The sound sent unsettling vibrations down your spine and you snapped your lips together as a biter staggered right past you. Its sudden appearance reminded you to get your asses moving. Neither breathed until its figure was far, far away from you. 

“Fuck…” Yunho exhaled. “Okay, you keep watch and I’ll look around, you know, see if there’s stuff on the higher shelves or something.”

He handed you one of the baseball-sized rocks strewn across the dirt on the island — the kind you’d find at the beach — and snagged one for himself too. In a previous life they were used to make things prettier for the eye, but now it was something you bashed rotten heads in with or threw across the room to distract the biters.

Of everything you've done so far, getting into the cursed pharmacy was by far the easiest and least nerve-wracking. 

“Go, be quick!” You hissed and crouched behind a table closest to the entrance while Yunho zoomed past you, hastily unzipping his bag and filling it with things. You had half a mind to chastise him for the rattle of bottles and rustling sounds, but withheld. Your voice would reach farther than objects clashing in his backpack. 

Your hyper-focus was glued to the front. You were nothing better than a dog waiting to attack, body stiff and on high alert. Adrenaline coursed your veins and it was hard keeping still, head jerking in every direction and your hand frozen around the hilt of your knife it sent tremors up your arm. Teetering on the edge of control, you struggled not to slash at the slightest of movements and sound. Yunho’s request for your empty bag breached your concentration and the breath you inhaled was like waking up in the middle of the night and clenching your thirst with the glass of water you set on the bedside table hours prior. It didn’t take long before the other backpack was filled too and the curse of being stupid not to bring a third fell from his lips. 

“You got everything?”

“Not even close. Come over here.” 

And like the good guard dog you were, you heeded his command, leaving the post unattended despite the turmoil in your abdomen. 

“Put as much stuff as you can in your pockets. I won’t sleep at night if we leave all this behind.”

The amount of money worth of drugs you had in your pants right now was beyond your comprehension, but you knew the bidding between a local druggie and vitamin obsessed grandmother would be hectic. Glancing in Yunho’s direction, you did a double take at the blue tinfoil packages in his hands and grew hot from embarrassment. Your look was all it took for Yunho to defend himself.

“What? I doubt people want to reciprocate at this time.”

He wasn’t wrong, but it didn’t make you feel any better or stop the sensual image of Yunho. His naked body tangled in sheets looming over you and the very same condom you just saw in his hands, now stuck between his lips. Then you shook your head, as if to make the thought disappear before it could delve into an even more lustful scenario. The naked Yunho was gone, but the heat burned your cheeks worse than the sun on a summer day.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.” 

If he noticed your flustered state, he didn’t mention it. With bags on your backs and weapons at the ready, you found yourselves in the bushes again.

“Don’t you think it’s weird?”

“What?”

Yunho scratched the spot behind his ear. “That everything is going… smoothly? Like it’s too easy?”

“What?” Your brows drew together. “Do you want it to be difficult?”

“Obviously not. I’m just… pointing out the obvious. It’s never been this easy.”

He had a way with words because not even a fraction of a second after, he jumped out of the bushes and evoked a high-pitched, squeaky noise that reached every nook and cranny of the mall. He breathed out a soft “fuck”, the tone dripping with disbelief. Beneath him, squished and still peeping the more Yunho raised his foot, was a blue, rubber pig. Its mouth pulled in an open smile and snout scrunched.

Fucking petstore. Fucking pig. Fucking Yunho. 

You popped out of hiding, knife pulled out but violently trembling in your hold under the gaze of what felt like a thousand translucent eyes peering at your warm bodies. The one watching your life through a squared screen pressed pause on the remote and then when it was resumed, everything went to shit. The biters lunged for the first piece of meat they’d seen in months while you stood rooted to the ground, legs refusing to cooperate with your nervous system.

“Go, go, go! Fucking move!” 

You did, in fact, not fucking move. You watched him drive his blade into the head of a biter, blood dripping everywhere as the rotten body slumped down and you fell with it, ass bruised and brain too scrambled to understand what was happening. You were going to die. You were never going to see Nari again. You going to turn into a–

Yunho was there in seconds to haul you off the ground, his hand grabbing the back of your shirt, shouting at you to run. “Are you deaf?! Go!” 

It was the harsh push to your shoulder that finally got you moving. Slow and uncertain steps, but moving nonetheless thanks to Yunho barking orders behind you. One would think you had never stepped foot outside the prison walls, let alone gone on numerous resource runs. Everything between his push and you reaching the make-up store was a blur. The blood covering your knife and hands — along with the trail of corpses left behind you — being the only proof you had been involved in the massacre. 

“I told you to get inside!” 

You jumped as Yunho’s hand landed on your forearm, tugging you toward the store. Throwing a glance over your shoulder, you counted over a hundred rotting heads. The shutters would only hold a dozen until it broke and they tore you apart. 

Yunho watched the gears turn in your head and got a whiff of what you planned to do. “Don’t.”

The foreign depth in his voice did nothing to change your mind and he noticed it too, thus holding onto you until his fingers turned white and the veins of his hands protruded. You snapped out of the haze as another forceful tug bruised your arm. Determined to see your plan till the end, you used the element of surprise to your advantage and bore your teeth into his wrist, just enough for him to loosen his hold on you and give you the chance to step back. You ripped your bag off your shoulders and slung it at Yunho, who caught it with an ‘oomph’, successfully keeping him down on his rear for a few extra seconds. His raspy call of your name clawed at your heart. Something was eating you from the inside, but you ignored the wails of your soul and kicked the cart with all your might, allowing the shutters to fall with a bang. Your stubbornness wasn’t the sole thing to stand between the two of you anymore.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

You paid little attention to the burning feeling in your chest and the flame dancing across his features. Leaving him there would hurt, but it would be hell to see him get ripped to shreds knowing he had a chance of surviving. Back at the prison, you only had one person to look out for while Yunho was a pillar for many. You couldn’t do that to them. To Hongjoong, Mingi, Wooyoung… Heck, you couldn’t do it to yourself. Angry Yunho was a fleeting image. It would pass, but the Yunho with cheesing eyes and heart-shaped lips pulled in a joyous smile was forever engraved in your memory. 

“It’s not going to hold,” you gestured to the stupid shutter. “Get home and make sure the stuff gets to Hongjoong.” 

“You’re crazy if you think I’m leaving without you!”

“Tell Nari I love her–”

His fist slammed against the metal cover and for a moment you thought it would crumble beneath his touch. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence. You’re going to tell her yourself because we’re going back together!”

There was so much on your mind. What to say, what message to leave the others; apologies and closure or a last round of advice? What would Nari think? There was no doubt in mind she’d be heartbroken. You were the last piece of family she had left and it would be downright evil of you to make her lose another parental figure.

“I’ll find you. Outside, I’ll find you. I’m not dyi… “ Your throat tightened at the empty promise. You didn’t know if you said that to reassure him or yourself. “Ten minutes. If I’m not outside in ten minutes, you’ll leave. Yunho, promise me you’ll leave.”

If only you knew what you were doing to his poor soul. Asking him of the impossible. He could promise you anything you wanted—anything in this cursed world—and he’d hand it to you on a silver platter. Anything, but that. Leaving you behind was like signing his own death sentence. He’d be nothing, but the shell of a man. An empty, hollow, useless shell with the bitter taste of resentment for both your selfless and selfish sacrifice. Yunho knew agreeing to keep the promise would give you peace of mind, yet if anything happened to you, he’d be haunted by the memories of you until his very last breath. 

Across from him, you waited as if time wasn’t about the most sacred thing you could have. A mix of concern and determination wedged in your beautiful features and Yunho knew he had to speak, although he didn’t want to because the words rolling off his dry tongue would be some kind of agreement to your request. 

“Yunho, please.”

The burning fire in his eyes dimmed as a wave of tears washed over them. They looked magical, even when obscured by grief and longing for the one still alive. His bottom lip formed into a pout to keep from trembling just as his hands balled into fists for that same reason. The sand continued seeping out of the imaginary hourglass, no matter how much Yunho tried scooping it back inside, the universal clock wouldn’t stop ticking. 

With great effort — his lips parted and the shaky breath released aimed straight at your heart as did the tears brimming his red eyes which were a reflection of your own — he nodded. “I promise… but don’t make me fulfill it.”

In another life, the vow would be exchanged in a happier setting, surrounded by friends and family. Vacant of gloomy clouds and death knocking at your door, and filled with belly laughter and tears of joy instead. A time where the promise of sacrifice was made out of love and not for survival.

“Yunho, I–”

The remaining seven letters died in your throat as cold and wrinkly fingers sank into your shoulder. Yunho watched you scramble from the touch, his heart pounding for your safety, and felt completely useless. He couldn’t breathe until your blade was driven into the side of the biter’s head and the creature landed with a thud, blood pooling at your feet. The growling worsened and you needed to get a move on if you ever planned on seeing another shift between the sun and moon. 

“Come back to me, do you understand?” 

Your eyes met for what could be the last time and you drank him in like he was a part of the seven wonders of the world. His messy charcoal strands falling over his equally dark brows, knitted together with a crease in the middle that you wanted to smooth out. Trailing down to his naturally puffy eyes reflecting a storm of emotions — thundering anger and heavy anguish — threatening to spill over with tears. Your throat tightened. You couldn’t bear seeing the pain you inflicted upon him and hastily followed the slope of his pretty nose, red as a ripe strawberry. A beautiful blush, probably stemming from his anger, kissed his round cheeks and spread to his ears. The need to reach out and touch him, caress him with reassurances that everything would be fine grew at the sight of his trembling lips.

The angel on your shoulder whispered for you to run. Another whisper — this time from the devil — tingled your ears with the statement to stay a little longer. You wanted to heed the little red fella, but what you wanted wasn’t what you needed, so with a final nod, you tore away from his painful gaze and willed yourself not to turn back around because if you did, you wouldn’t be able to leave. 

With fear and adrenaline pumping through your veins and the promise of returning alive, you slipped on the mask of a soldier — putting a pause to the war in your head — and faced the army of the dead. 

“Come get me, fucking assholes!”

Hungry groans and aggravated snarls echoed loudly around the mall, each vibration reaching your bones, but your loud whoops and hollers didn’t waver. Not even when one of the infected got dangerously close to you, its teeth making a loud chopping sound like a knife violently smashing against a cutting board. You grabbed a chunk of its hair, guiding the monster as close to your skin as possible without it getting to sink its teeth into your neck. You were done being the prey. It was time for a change of roles. The taunting click of your tongue colliding with the roof of your mouth launched into the open as you sinisterly smiled at the biter.

“Go to hell.” 

The sharp point of your knife pierced the underside of its jaw until the whole blade could be seen through its open mouth. Your hand, covered in red and wrapped around the hilt, was flat against the jaw and continued pushing upward. The anger, hurt and worry mixed into a new emotion that took over all of your senses. Revenge. With a new force of purpose, you pushed and pushed until the lower half of its face and jawbone ripped from the body like pieces of fabric. There was so much blood, tissue, and muscle beneath. . 

Bile crawled up your throat as the corpse stared at you with an open mouth, if you could even call it that considering the nose and jaw were somewhere on the floor. The sight wasn’t for the weak and you were anything but that, yet the amount of blood gushing down and coating both you and the biter would follow you into the grave. It was an exact replica of the oral cavity poster in your local dentist’s office; the tongue, uvula, and tonsils were all in their righteous place. You forced down what was once your breakfast and wiped the blood, or sweat, maybe both, off your face and let the body fall.

The next kills were faster and less gruesome. There were a bunch of them after all and if you did a little show of each and every one, you wouldn’t return home until late into the night. Throwing a quick glance at the cosmetics shop, you relaxed at the empty spot that was once occupied by Yunho. He listened. He kept his promise and now it was your turn. Running for a brief escape, you whipped out your gun — the magazine full and waiting to be used — as you climbed the escalator — taking two steps at a time — just enough to get some space between you and the human eaters. You had both hands on the firearm to keep it steady and fired in quick succession. The first shot was loud and foreign, and the hairs on your body stood up, but you kept hugging the trigger as if it were your one purpose in life. Your ears got used to the deafening crack of thunder after the third round. 

You counted five, ten, fifteen, twenty shots before you slipped the hot gun back in your holster. Always keep one bullet for emergencies, you used to tell Nari. Going out with a bullet piercing your brain was less painful than being shredded to death was what you liked to think. A bonus point if you do it correctly; you don’t come back as one of them.

The number was still high and if you were to count, you’d reach at least somewhere up to fifty biters. You didn’t even want to think of those unintentionally hiding or stuck in a store. It didn’t matter though, because you weren’t leaving until every infected was put to rest. For that to happen, you needed to stay alive and from the rapid speed the biters were going up the stairs (one would think they’d lost all sense of coordination when their brains turned into purée), it didn’t look so bright for you. 

“Fuck,” you whispered and continued up to the second floor. 

It was significantly darker and vacant, but you didn’t want to take your chances of getting cornered in a random shop. Although killing your way out of the mall was taking a toll on your body and sanity, that was something you already lost. The second floor was a completely different world than what was going on downstairs. The windows were intact, not a single speck of blood coated the walls and everything was in its place. It was like the disease stopped spreading after coming in touch with the escalators. A glass railing went around the whole second floor, giving you a perfect view of the chaos downstairs. The height difference wasn’t too big and a jump down wouldn’t cause you any harm, unless you fell unexpectedly. That would be a different story.

Pushing that to the back of your head, you passed a hardware store with a bunch of crowbars set on a display outside. Grinning to yourself like a child on Christmas Eve, you grabbed one of the many crowbars and gave it a swing. It’d be far easier welding a long piece of metal than your four-inch knife. Plus, it wouldn’t just be used to smash the heads in on biters, but to pull shit apart. Like doors.

“I think I’ll call you Maneater.” 

The rustle of clothes worked as an alert. Right on cue, an infected staggered out of the very same store you got Maneater from.

“And you’re going to be my guinea pig.”

The loud, sickening crunch of bones breaking was eerily loud as the curved end of the crowbar met with the side of the biter’s head. Now, the second floor was tainted with a splatter of brains, and blood and everything in between. It didn’t disturb you anymore. How could it when the majority of you was drenched in a rotten, red liquid?

Some of the biters that followed you from the first floor had finally caught up. Their spine shaking groans announced their arrival and you gave one more twirl to Maneater.

“I’ve always wanted to try out for the baseball team,” you admitted and swung it again. “But mom said sport wasn’t for girls.” 

Another biter fell limply. Its skull cracked open and one eye squeezed out of the socket at collision with the metal rod. You grunted and raised it high above your head. “This is as close to baseball as I’ll get.” 

Swinging it down, you screwed your eyes shut to keep the grime and blood from splashing into them. The feel of Maneater plunging into the meat of the biter didn’t vibrate up your arms, but the sharp inhale of air getting caught in your throat did as you were pushed off balance. Tripping over your own feet, you crashed into the delicate railing which broke at immediate contact. Shards descended like snow around you and shimmered like thousands of miniature diamonds. The crowbar slipped out of your hold as you tried grabbing the air for support, but in the end, all you could do was watch the ceiling of the mall shrink while your arms and legs flailed out of your control.

Time slowed down as the realization set in. You were going to die. You didn’t keep your end of the promise and Yunho would return alone.You wouldn’t be there to teach Nari how to use a gun.

As you were falling to your death, a bitter smile took over your lips. You really had no regrets. And it seemed that even with one foot in your grave, you couldn’t stop lying to yourself. There were no regrets when it came to Nari, that much was true. Everything you did was for her safety; the murders, the running, the fights, everything was for her. But what about you? 

Did you have any regrets for yourself? The answer was simple and short, only needing five letters to spell it out. Three vowels and two consonants to be exact. Yunho.

A sharp prick seared through your shoulder followed by the ground kissing your back. The pain was unlike any before and you immediately felt yourself losing consciousness. Everything hurt. The sudden headache was worse than any hangover you experienced in your college days and your shoulder burned with the slightest of movements. Lying there unable to move, you fought diligently to stay awake, eventually succumbing to the tired voice lulling you to sleep with the whisper to just close your eyes.

The fog surrounding you was thick and cold to the touch. Wetness seeped into your clothes and hair, and droplets echoed around you, but you couldn’t see a water source anywhere. Just a black void, much like space, that seemed to go on forever. 

“Hello?” Your voice traveled through the vast darkness and no reply came back.

You didn’t understand. Where were you? What was this place?

“Auntie… wake up.”

Your head jolted to where the sound came from and your body followed. It was distant, but you’d recognize that voice any time of the day.

“Nari?” You cupped your hands around your mouth. “Nari!?”

“Auntie!” Her childish giggles swirled around you, once coming from your left and then the right. You turned in every direction, but the little girl wasn’t with you.

“Where are you?!”

“You need to wake up.” 

“What?”

“Wake up, auntie. They are coming.”

Your brows scrunched together as you tried making sense of her words. “Who is?”

“The monsters. They are coming for you… You need to wake up. Wake up!” 

An invisible force with a presence so heavy ran through your body and threw you off your feet. A scream of sheer surprise and fright crawled out of your throat as you fell backwards, the faint presence of Nari standing before you — a dull expression painted on her features — as she did nothing to help you. It was unsettling. Landing in the water again with the darkness wrapping around you like a silk sheet, you woke up with a startle. You felt everything at once. The pain of the sharp object lodged in your shoulder blade and heat attacked your feet while your head was cool. Your throat was parched and hurt as you swallowed to soothe the itch, but it only made you taste dry blood.

Managing to turn your head sideways, you were greeted with a biter and the events from you didn’t know how long ago came surging back. It was the biter that caused all of this, lying face down beside you with parts of its body scattered all over the place. If the situation were different, you would’ve hung the fucker using its own intestines, but it wasn’t and all you could do was give it a glare and send your wish of it going to hell. Sluggishly slapping along your chest, you hoped to grasp the walkie-talkie that was supposed to be attached to you, but the little device wasn’t in its usual place and you cursed at your bad luck. Through your blurry vision, you could see shuffling further in the distance. The imaginary weight resting on your chest suddenly lifted and small gasps of air finally entered your lungs. 

Muffled moans, something akin to being underwater, were the string pulling you back to reality. The eerie warning of your subconsciousness played in your mind. Grinding your teeth together, you mustered up little of the strength you had left and rolled over on your stomach. Your hands lay flat against the tile, the broken glass cutting into your skin as you lay in a pool of your own blood. Something shifted in your shoulder blade, and a cry of pain and desperation erupted from deep within.

“Fuck!”

Death would’ve been a better outcome than this.

Opening your eyes — that closed without you noticing — and blinking back tears, a laugh of disbelief almost slipped out at the object before you. 

A blue piggy. 

The blue piggy was staring at you. Its happy expression irked you beyond belief. It was all its fault. The biter and this stupid pig were to blame for everything. Your upper lip curled in a snark as you squeezed the living shit out of the toy and pushed to sit back up on your knees. Heart was getting a gift and you hoped to see the toy shred into pieces.

Commanding your body to stand up was harder than expected and your legs nearly gave out. The searing burn of agony spread like a wildfire all the way down to the tip of your toes. There was no point in trying to feel around as it would only hurt more with every twist and turn of your torso. The exit sign in the far back of the pet store flickered violently, as if it were trying to get your attention, and even though you didn't believe in miracles, you reconsidered your values then and there. 

“It’s the only shop we can enter through the backdoor without gathering much attention and…”

Hours later and you still remembered his words. It wasn’t like you had much of a choice. The make-up store was a no-go and you didn’t have the energy to prance around and look for a safer exit. Who even knew how much time you had before your body would give out? The shuffling in the distance paired up with hungry grunts was getting louder, and with your condition, they’d reach you in no time. You had played it safe so far and received nothing but near-death experiences, what was one risk against ten precautions?

You bit into the material of your neck tube to stifle the cries made with each step. Staggering up to the emergency door, you leaned your forehead against the cool metal and jerked the handle, but it wouldn’t budge. 

“Of course.”

The one thing you saved for yourself had to be used on something else. Letting the almost empty gun rest in your hand, you stepped back and aimed the muzzle straight at the lock. You had to make this count. You inhaled, exhaled, and pulled the trigger. A loud blaring alarm sounded through the whole mall and you had no need nor obligation to linger around until every biter in a mile radius crowded the area. With the piggy in hand and your other gripping the side of your torso, you limped out of the cursed place.

The weather was dull and gray, but brighter than inside the shopping center and it took a while for you to adjust to the light. Heavy rain pelted from the sky yet, the reason behind your wet clothes wasn’t to be blamed on nature. Standing in the middle of the parking lot, a trail of bloodied footsteps followed you only to be washed away as if they never existed in the first place. Raindrops trickled down your red-smeared face, revealing streaks of your skin beneath. The freezing temperature sweeped over your body, cooling off your muscles and rewarding you with the possibility of a cold which didn’t sound too bad. Glancing up at the gloomy clouds, your hand came to shield your eyes from the rain slapping harshly at your cheeks. It was impossible to tell if the moisture on your cheeks came from tears or the rain.

Your ten minutes were up. Yunho was gone and the weather portrayed your inner turmoil. The emotions you suppressed while on survival mode hit you fast and hard. You were happy he stayed true to his words, but the little part deep in your heart, cried and trashed around, disappointed he didn’t wait for you. At least you were alive. Dirty and hurt, but alive. 

The storm would clean you up by the time you got home anyway, if you didn’t die from hypothermia that was. With a weight on your chest, a knife carrying the deaths of many and the will to see your family again, you headed home. 

You weren’t angry with Yunho. How could you when it was you who made him promise to leave? When it was you who threw yourself to the wolves, better yet, to the brain-eating corpses and — more or less — locked him in a shop with no way out besides the backdoor. If anything, he had every right to be angry with you. 

What if you died in front of his eyes? Or got seriously hurt? 

There was no coming back from that, you knew that much yourself. The memory of putting that poor boy out of his misery resurfaced every time your eyes shut. Every thump reminded you of striking his head with the butt of your knife. You still remembered driving that same blade deep through his stomach until your hand touched his shirt, a dog taking up the majority of his tee. It was the first time you felt actual blood. Not the three drops from a paper cut or a harmless sample, but the slimy and warm kind that came in buckets. It was everywhere too; your hands, your clothes, his bedding covered in happy dinosaurs and rainbows. Days passed until your hands returned to their natural hue, but the nightmares never ceased. It was quite funny. You had seen a lot of fucked up shit, but the least violent death was still looming over your head.

Bright yellow lights blinded you. Throwing up a hand to reduce the damage and get a better look at what was happening, you peered between your fingers and saw the shape of a car slowing down. You couldn't find it in you to run. Everything hurt everywhere and your muscles ached with as little as a breath. The emergency alarm hadn’t stopped and hoards of infected would turn up any minute. The rain — which you already thought was heavy — turned harsher and bounced off the pavements like small shining diamonds. The sound of the car door opening and slamming against the metal hunk followed by rushing footsteps frightened you into a defensive stance. 

You were tired of death. You were so tired of killing things, but the universe didn’t seem to care as she continued sending you threat after threat. The rope wrapped around your emotions slowly slipped out of your grip. Its rough texture grated along the skin of your palms and frustrated tears coated your waterline. The sob — a wail of utter fatigue — that slipped out was smothered by the rain and ear-piercing siren. You really tried holding on, but you could only suppress your hectic emotions for so long until your hands went limp and everything came crashing down. A tear streaked down your cheek, followed by another and another. 

The figure ran head first at you and as you waited for a hard impact to plummet you to the ground, a pair of warm arms wrapped around you instead. Clean clothes and wet trees filled your senses.

“I got you.”

“Yuhn–Yunho?” You sluggishly asked, making sure it wasn’t another trick of your mind.

“Yeah, Yunho’s got you, angel. I’m here.”

You buried your nose in his shoulder and inhaled his comforting scent. Shutting your eyes and curling your fingers in the fabric on his back, holding onto every piece of him for dear life. You released a shuddering breath. The shirt smelled like him and his body was very real beneath your fingertips. That alone proved your subconsciousness wasn’t deceiving you. This was Yunho. The real Yunho. Your Yunho.

“I’m going to pick you up now, alright darling?” 

His arms were gentle just like his soul and he handled you with absolute care. It made you feel warm despite the weather only Zeus himself could inflict upon the world, and you were oh-so-tired. Your empty stomach wasn’t a match against your full heart as it was all you needed to fall asleep. The last noise entering your consciousness was Yunho’s frantic voice.

“Hey, hey, hey! Stay with me. Come on, just stay with me!”

Yunho stood his ground as you went limp in his hold and his face paled at what he saw. A shard — not shorter than his palm — protruded out of your shoulder, somehow managing to diagonally cut into your skin and avoid the bulletproof vest. Just your luck. He wasted no time scooping you up bridal style, as if you weighed nothing more than a sack of potatoes, and thanked the heavens your head found his shoulder instead of lolling to the side in sync to his fast legs. His mechanic's heart hurt at leaving the engine running, but on second thought after feeling the warmth on his face, Yunho almost praised himself for his unintentional thinking. Despite that, he still stripped you off the first layer of clothing — cutting the shirt right in the middle — and decided to leave your tights on. The heat was as good as useless if you were completely wet. He maneuvered you to the side and covered you with the soft quilt he stored in the vehicle for emergencies like getting stuck in a storm or something.

The ride back home was done in silence minus the rapid patter of the rain and squelching of tires on asphalt. Much against his wishes, Yunho was plagued by the brief image of your bare torso, the black bra that left little to the imagination as well as his concern for your state. The glass was bloody and looked uncomfortably lodged in your shoulder blade. Shaking the beautiful and horrid image of you out of his head, he remembered why you passed out on him in the first place and the anger that disappeared at seeing you emerge from the mall resurfaced. A flurry of emotions swirled in his mind; concern, anger, sadness, relief… He couldn’t pinpoint if his heart beat erratically out of rage or desire. 

Glancing in the rearview mirror, Yunho sighed as your chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. As long as you were breathing everything would be fine. Going under a surgical blade in the hands of Jeong Yunho would do you no good, unless your insides consisted of automotive parts. Spoiler; they didn’t. Pressing his foot flat on the pedal, he broke a handful of traffic rules holding as much significance as the first man on the moon in this time of day.

The next time you opened your eyes wasn’t in the backseat of the familiar Jeep Wrangler, but in the medical wing which was technically just a room not much bigger than Hongjoog’s office, but illusioned to be smaller because of the multiple lined-up beds. Turning your head to the right, you stared confusedly at the IV bag connected to your arm. A sudden coldness swept over you and you instinctively pressed your free hand to your stomach, expecting to meet with a blanket and not goosebump-covered skin. Distraught, you glanced down. Your shirt was missing — that alone should’ve had you on high alert — and in its place was a gauze going around your chest and over your right shoulder. A delicate feel kissed your fingertips as you gently ghosted it over the bandages. The tenderness quickly changed into harsh bites stemming from your back and erupting all over like fireworks.

The mall. The Apothecary. The hoard of biters. Yunho. The piggy. Leaving Yunho. Man-eater. Falling. The rain. Finding Yunho. Safety. Darkness.

It was too much information at once and your back pain was accompanied by a headache growing rapidly. It didn’t help that your mouth was unbelievably dry. The IV-bag seemed to be doing an awful job of keeping you hydrated. Feeling sluggish, but determined to get answers, you freed yourself of bedrest and ventured out in the hallway. Yeosang turned the corner and stopped abruptly. His stoic face fell into an expression of utter panic seeing you out of bed. A chart of some kind and a pencil clattered to the ground as he crossed the distance between you, gentle hands cupping your arm and elbow.

“When did you wake up?”

And when you couldn’t form a response because of your dry throat, he immediately steered you back into the room with strict orders to stay and not move until he was to return. What he failed to mention was the ten-something people he’d bring along, all equally happy to see you awake, but some more furious than others. To his credit, they were forced to wait outside as you got the chance to drink water and change into something more comfortable. The excuse of you needing rest could only hold them off for so long until Wooyoung barged through the doors, an accusing finger finding you like a moth being drawn to a flame. The threats spilling out of his mouth faster than the shots of a machine gun were excused as a waterfall of tears sprung down his cheeks. 

The words of malice came from a place of worry and love, and if you reciprocated that by masking your discomfort as he tightly hugged you —  nearly opening the wound Yeosang diligently stitched together — no one had to know besides you. The reunion didn’t last long, all thanks to Yeosang’s strict orders that you needed a quiet recovery and Hongjoong’s authoritative voice backing him up. Being left alone with your thoughts was worse than having a group of chatterboxes asking you the same five questions every ten seconds. Because out of everyone there, out of everyone who came to see you, the two faces you searched for weren’t there and you didn’t know how to take that.

You expected it from Yunho. The radio silence and cold shoulder served as a punishment for your careless and considerate acts of heroism. Nari surprised you. More so the lack of her. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t sting a little. In other words, it hurt a tenfold of the stabbing pain coming from your shoulder. You missed her. A lot. 

But like Yeosang said — hours after he came to drop off dinner and medicine — there was nothing you could do but wait her out, quite literally as you were trapped inside the makeshift hospital room. If it weren’t for his unmatched beauty and pleasantly calm demeanor, you would’ve sent him to hell a long time ago. Not only was he forcing pills down your throat and feeding you disgusting celery soup, now he was giving you unwanted advice concerning a child you raised since the stone age. Your agitation went up in smoke as the doors opened and a blur of black strands strode inside instead of Yeosang’s exasperating chestnut hair announcing dinner time in a sing-song voice.

Perhaps Nari missed you too and perhaps Yeosang was right, and perhaps you were imagining things as the girl stopped in front of your bed, both arms crossed over her chest and eyes cutting yours like she wanted you dead. Her sour frown left a bitter taste in your mouth. Soft taps filled the heavy silence and Heart — her true companion — sat down on his rear beside Nari. The blue piggy was caught between his teeth. It was good to know not all of your doing was in vain. 

“You’re angry.”

The annoyed scoff and roll of her eyes was the second surprise.

“No, I’m so clearly happy.”

You heard the false chirp in her voice and scrunched the sheet in your hand to keep from snapping at her sudden bratty attitude. It’s justified, you told yourself and let her have her moment.

“I am so happy that the only person I care about nearly died. I am so happy my best friend sacrificed herself without a thought of what it may do to the people around her. I am so happy I almost became an orphan for the second time in my life! I am so happy, happy, happy!”

“Nari–”

“No! Ju–uh– just listen to me! Be quiet and let me speak!” She left no room for negotiation and snapped your mouth shut. The same shame of being reprimanded by your parents settled into your every bone.

“Just so you know, I’m only speaking to you because Yunho forced me to or he’d take away my Heart privileges…” She heaved in a breath of suffocating air and her voice cracked just as the next words separated your heart into two. “I’m so angry with you.”

Staring at Nari was like looking in a mirror. Your lips trembled and cheeks were wet from the salty tears slipping down to your chin and dropping on the pristine covers. You imagined your eyes to be red and irritated from the crying and it was a miracle you could produce more tears.

“I told you to be careful, right before you left. I said, be careful and you said, when am I not? Never! You’re never careful. I ask you to do one thing and you do the exact opposite. How come I have to act like the adult and you the kid? You’re the grown up, not me! I’m not supposed to see you bloody and barely breathing.”  

“Nari, I’m sorry–”

“You don’t get to be sorry, okay?! A sorry won’t make things right again. What you did wasn’t fair. Not to me, not to you and definitely not to Yunho. Sacrificing yourself? For what? For who?”

“You,” you wanted to scream at her. Everything was about her. Everything you did was for her. For her chance of living longer, living better.

“Do you know how it felt to see you so, so, so… close to death? Don’t answer that, of course you don’t. I couldn’t breathe. I was in hysterics and it hurt. Everything fucking hurt. I thought I lost you. And I can’t get it out of my head; Yunho screaming and crying, carrying your lifeless body in his arms and that shit lodged in your back… It’s– You’re–”

“I’m alive. I’m breathing. I’m okay, we’re okay.”

“Except we’re not! You don’t get to do fucked up shit and just say, ‘Oh, we’re good’ when giving us a scare. Giving me a scare! Are you fucking dumb?”

“Hey, watch your mouth!”

“I will when you start acting like an adult. So do the adult thing and stop sacrificing yourself for others! I need you, okay? I don’t care about the others. I don’t even care about myself. I need you and only you.

“I– I don’t know what to say to make that go through your head. What? You want to hear about my parents? Do you think I remember my mom? My dad? You’re the closest thing to a family I have left. You are my mom and my dad. I can’t lose my family again. Please, don’t make me lose–”

Nari hid her face behind her hands and let the thundering sobs wreck through her body. Heart whined and nudged his snout against her thigh in consolation. It wasn’t enough. Nothing could be of comfort enough to erase the gut-wrenching image of your limp body or mend her inner wound. Not even when you got out of bed and guided her head into the crook of your neck did she feel better.

“I’m sorry, flower. So, so sorry.” You kissed the crown of her head. “You’re right. It wasn’t… I was in the wrong and I’ll do better. I’ll be better. Not just for you, but for me too, alright? You won’t ever have to worry about being the adult again… Can you forgive me?”

The little nod against your shoulder was delayed, but you didn’t care. You’d wait years if it meant her forgiveness.

The next time Yeosang came to check up on you — a tray of dinner in his hands — he silently backed out of the room as if never entering in the first place. On the hospital bed lay you and Nari, her nose hidden in the crook of your neck and a ticklish trail of air loomed across the exposed skin. Your chin nuzzled her forehead and your hands were light against her head. Nari’s arms were loosely stretched around your waist and would grow numb from the awkward position. Your legs wove into each other like a pretzel. The human-sized golden retriever was also there. His head a dead weight on your calf and the rest of his body pressed up against your back, tail tickling the exposed skin on your bicep. It was cramped and sweaty, but you wouldn’t change it, not even if the world went back to normal.

Disappointment. The bitter reaction of not getting what you expected and hoped for. If green was used to describe jealousy and yellow stood for happiness, then gray would be the color representing disappointment. 

The reason for your disappointment? A man with brown hair, warm eyes and a laugh contagious enough to heal a wounded soul. Yunho didn’t visit you for the remaining time you were under Yeosang’s care. He came through stories told by the others, always hovering over whoever was your latest visitor and asking questions regarding your recovery, but never doing more than that. Never actually stepped foot inside the room. The week after you were discharged wasn’t any better. Hongjoong put you under strict orders to not go out on runs until you could move your arm without as much as flinching from pain and everyone walked around you on eggshells. As if you were a delicate piece of glass just waiting to break at the slightest inconvenience. At the news of your freedom, Yunho vanished into thin air. It was quite amusing how he was both the yellow you desperately wanted to see and the gray standing (figuratively) in your way. 

The loud clanking against your cell diverted your attention from the cement ceiling to whoever felt the need to disturb your peace. 

“He still hasn’t talked to you?” Wooyoung asked and sat down beside your feet, which you kindly shuffled more to the left. 

“Talked? I haven’t seen him since I passed out in his arms. I don’t think talking is an option considering he’s a walking ghost.”

Wooyoung moved further up your bed. His back pressing up against the wall as his hands weaved together over his stomach. You laid your legs over his lap and breathed out a frustrated gust of air.

“I’d say give him time, but it has been, what? Two, three weeks since you got back. He’s just being petty at this point. Wasn’t it him who forced Nari to speak with you again?”

You nodded and Wooyoung huffed out a dry chuckle. “Very mature, Yunho… So what’s the plan?”

“There is no plan.”

“Oh, come on! You both can’t be self-deprecating, it’s only somewhat alright if one of you is being stupid, but both! Nuh-uh!” Wooyoung flopped beside you. His chin rested against the palms of his hands with his fingers squishing his cheeks and making them really pop.

“What do you want me to do, Woo? Yunho obviously doesn’t want anything to do with me. If you haven’t noticed, he’s avoiding me like the plague. The least I can do is stay out of his way if it means he’ll hang around everyone more. He was here before me, after all. His family before mine, no?”

“We both know that’s not true and if Yunho heard you speak like that, heck, if anyone heard you say shit like that they’d give you hell for it. You’re family as much as anyone else is, old as new members. So stop thinking like that… As for what you can do, how about you just, oh, I don’t know… Talk to him!” 

You averted your gaze as the words wrapped around you like a hug. The rational part of your brain knew Wooyoung was right. That you weren’t intruding on anything. It was your family, your friends and your space as much as Yunho, Wooyoung and everyone else’s. However, the stubborn part of your brain feasted on your self-deprecating thoughts. It was why you didn’t fight Wooyoung on these matters because somewhere down the line of getting to know everyone, you realized Wooyoung wasn’t just a package of teasing and mischievous remarks. When he wanted to, he could say the things one needed to hear the most.

“We’ve already ruled that one out. The talking won’t happen until he wants it to.”

“Well, he’s acting like a loser, a really sore one at that.”

And as much as you wanted to agree with Wooyoung, to call Yunho a few mean words of your own, you couldn’t find it in you to voice those thoughts because they didn’t exist in the first place. All you saw was Yunho who took on the qualities of a golden retriever. The Yunho who would go up and beyond to turn a frown into a smile. The Yunho who would adopt every dog he came across and name them something sweet like Cheesecake or Muffin.

“I don’t care. Everyone has a right to process things in their own way, even Yunho.”

“I wish he didn’t. It’s dumb. Yes, you kind of messed up by putting yourself in danger and whatnot, but it wasn’t like you did it for shits and giggles! If it wasn’t you, then it’d be him. Trust me, I know that guy better than myself.”

You kicked Wooyoung’s thigh and sent him a teasing smile. “Yeah, because you’re always in everyone’s business but your own.”

The dramatic gasp filling the room was followed by your laugh. 

“Do you want me to talk to him?” You knew Wooyoung only meant well, but his well wouldn’t bring anything good to the situation. Yunho wouldn’t give in and there’d be just one extra person involved in the war of cold shoulders and purposeful absences.

“Don’t bother. He’ll seek me out when he’s ready to hear what I have to say. I’ll just… lay low and give him space.”

“You do know you don’t have to sit here and hide all day, right? You can always come and hang out with me or San at the towers. Jongho could use some help in the weaponry, counting bullets and other boring shit if that’s more to your liking.”

“I know, Woo…”

As the silence took over, Wooyoung patted your calf and got up on his feet, simultaneously throwing a finger gun in your direction. “Well, duty calls. You know where to find me if you change your mind.”

“Hey,” you called out after a second of contemplation and he arched a brow in question. “Thank you… Umm, for being there… For being my friend, I mean.”

“Brother would be more fitting. We’re way past being friends, but I get what you mean and don’t mention it. We’re family, that’s what family does.”

Damn Wooyoung and his heartfelt words. The tears made an appearance as soon as he disappeared behind the corner and you wiped them away, not up to explaining why you were crying if someone were to pop out of nowhere. For so long, Nari was the only person you could call family. She was your home, your rock and your will to move forward. Your new family expanded to a little more than a handful of people ready to help you in their own peculiar ways. Your home still didn’t take on the form of a place or a building, but another person. Someone who couldn’t stand in the same room as you for the time being.

Turning over, you buried your nose — much like Wooyoung did with others’ businesses — in the pillow and threw the thin blanket over your head. Sleep was a great activity to make time pass faster, something you discovered while being chained to the hospital bed in Yeosang’s unit. For what you didn’t know, it didn’t seem like Yunho would search you out in the near future and it was alright. You had plenty of time to think over what to say. Until the options became too many and you couldn’t decide which was the best one. Apologize and admit your mistakes or reason for your actions and die before you ask for forgiveness. It was like Wooyoung said, Yunho would have done the same thing if you hadn’t beaten him to it. Then what? Would you treat him with the same coldness he showed you or would you stick to him like the gum on school desks? 

The question was constantly on your mind and you were at war with yourself. In this moment, you liked to believe you’d forgive him, but there was no saying you wouldn’t be absolutely furious with him either. It was better to sleep on it, you consoled yourself and you closed your eyes. 

Your dreams were scary and although that wasn’t anything new, it was unsettling. Instead of reliving the day you took an innocent life, you watched the mall mission like a movie. The only difference was you never made it back alive. Everything was the same up until the fall, because the moment you landed on your back, you startled back to consciousness. Drenched in cold sweat and a concerningly fast beating heart, you’d use the first few seconds awake to take in your surroundings. To remind yourself you were very much alive and in the safety of your room. It had been your routine for, give or take, two weeks. Sleeping was both a blessing and a curse. Escaping one reality for another — arguably one of the worst coping strategies you could choose from — wasn't something you’d ever get used to, and if it was your way of punishing yourself for hurting Yunho so much that he couldn’t stand breathing the same air as you, then so be it. Wooyoung called it self-deprecating, you saw it more as reaping what you sowed.

The moon was halfway up in the sky when you awoke from your rather restless sleep. Swirls of purple, yellow and orange mixed beautifully on the baby blue canvas wrapping around the earth. It was Wooyoung who, once again, came to check on you with the news that Mingi and Yunho were back from their weekly hunt and had actually managed to bring something back. A stew of deer meat cooked over the fire outside and the whole prison stood in line waiting for their share of the food. You soon joined them with a bowl of your own.

“Next!”

You shuffled over, your gaze unfocused and glued to the ground as you handed over the bowl. When they still hadn’t taken it out of your hands, you looked up with furrowed brows and a questioning tilt in your eyes only for it to be replaced with pure chock. Yunho looked as pretty as the day you last saw him. 

You were just staring at each other, both surprised by the sudden encounter that neither showed signs of sweeping the awkward tension under the rug and getting on with the day. The people around you grew irritated at the uphold, the hunger and standing in the cold weather getting to their heads, and you — wanting to get out of there as soon as possible — literally pushed the plastic bowl in his hands so that he was left with no choice but to pour the stew and watch you disappear somewhere far out of his reach. If Yunho wanted space then space was what he’d get, you thought as you spotted the familiar head of Yeosang sitting around a fire. Hauling your ass over there, you occupied the empty spot beside the self designated nurse. He was startled at your sudden appearance and took in your disheveled state.

“Why does it look like you’ve seen something you shouldn’t have?” Yeosang asked hesitantly and sipped on his water.

To put it bluntly, Yeosang was very observative and a great friend of Wooyoung. Whatever Wooyoung knew, Yeosang did too, including your and Yunho’s feud. Trying to stall for more time, you scooped up a mouthful of deer stew. What you didn’t take into account was that Yunho served it straight out of a boiling pot. It burned your tongue and all of your tastebuds. Acting on pain and panic to stop the fire in your mouth, you snatched the paper cup right beneath Yeosang’s nose and downed the whole thing. Yeosang, being an angel in disguise, gave you his second glass too.

“You want more?”

You shook your head and set down the stew, deciding it was better to let it cool off first.

“So… What happened?” He tried his luck again.

“What do you mean, ‘What happened’? I just burned my tongue off!”

“Not that, you idiot. I’m talking about you running here like your ass caught fire.”

The glare you scrutinized him with did nothing to change the topic, instead he challenged you with a quirk of his brow.

“I saw Yunho.” The words were barely audible. 

“What did you say?” 

You leaned over to land a punch on his shoulder, but missed with a narrow distance as he moved.

“Think of your stitches, think of your stitches!”

“Whatever…”

Yeosang sheepishly smiled. “I’m just messing with you. So you finally met the guy and… how was it?”

“Good, we were actually talking about the rising economy. How do you think it was?”

“Awkward, probably.”

“Bullseye. I ran away after.”

“I noticed.”

“You know, for being a nurse who’s supposed to have some therapy knowledge, you really do suck.”

“Thanks, I’ll jot that down for our future sessions.”

Your next punch wasn’t futile.

As the sun gradually descended and a darker quilt laid over the green earth, more people joined you around the fire. You saw Nari and Eunwoo share a blanket further away from the group, pointing toward the sky full of stars as their sweet giggles weaved through the talking voices of the adults. They did sit a little too close for your liking, but you let it be. She couldn’t experience the normal sneaking around with a boy phase and that would be the closest she’d get to it.

Some time between the laughter and conversations shared with Yeosang and the other people, Yunho was added to the mix. He sat right across from you between the broad shoulders belonging to Mingi and San. You didn’t utter a single word in his presence and moved in on yourself to appear smaller, an attempt at going unnoticed by him. He sipped on the whiskey bottle being passed around the circle while giving Seonghwa his full attention and you took the chance to stare at the side of his face. He was absolutely ethereal. The orange glow of the fire kissed his cheeks and his eyes were even warmer, more inviting. 

He looked happy.

Your eyes went wide as he suddenly turned to you. The smile fitting him perfectly dimmed and was replaced by a neutral expression. You pictured yourself reflecting that same blankness. He was the first to break contact and the corners of his mouth went up again as he re-entered the previous conversation. You let out an anxious breath, wondering if you really brought him that much misery. An arm laid over the bridge of your shoulders, the palm attached cupped your bicep and pulled you toward them. Glancing up, you were met with the side profile of Wooyoung. You must’ve been too caught up in your own thoughts to notice him slipping in beside you. The faint, barely-there squeeze was him letting you know he bore witness to the wordless exchange between you and Yunho. The top of your head touched his neck and he nuzzled his cheek against your hair, soft puffs of air going over your strands. And while you were usually opposed to skinship, you let Wooyoung spoil you with it, not having the mental energy to push him away as well as you found it to be quite comforting.

“You alright?”

“It’ll pass. Just like it always has.”

Although Wooyoung wasn’t really in tune with what you were referring to, he still nodded and gave you another supportive squeeze. Sadness, grief and anguish. All the emotions belonging to the color blue would resurface every now and then. The last memory of your parents, failing your math tests in high school, breaking up with your first serious boyfriend… Those were all sad occurrences in life that left a scar in your heart, but were somewhat mended with the essence of time. Some took longer than others and some never really healed, but either way, they passed. The brief moments of blue passed. Thus, you were certain this thing with Yunho would pass too. The question of whether you’d remain friends or go back to strangers wasn’t something you wanted to entertain with the heat of the flames caressing your cold skin so you left it for the future you to mull over. 

The warm meal and nice company completely drained everyone as they just sat and enjoyed the stillness of the night.

Hongjoong, always having everyone’s best in mind, clapped his hands together. “We should call it a night.” 

Albeit everyone would rather stay out more and bask in the comforting atmosphere, Hongjoong’s words were law and no one wanted to disobey the law, not even in a raging apocalypse. You took it upon yourself to collect the quilts while someone else put out the fire or cleaned up the stray dishes. A bunch of knitted quilts were swung over your left arm and as you bent down to pick up another one, your knee buckled making you lose your footing and head into the blazing fire. 

Yunho scooped you up, his arm circling around your waist and flinging you off the ground to face away from the fire. Your back was pressed to his front and the rapid pounding of your hearts synced. Yunho’s hot breath curling over your ears and the sudden close proximity sent your body into overdrive. The autumn wind was useless against your burning skin. Your chest deflated in disappointment as he let you down, not a word of worry or comfort leaving his lips. Desperate and tired, you swung around and wrapped your fingers around his wrist, stopping him in his fleeting movement.

“Yunho, wait!”

Perhaps it was the honey dripping of your plea or the soft and delicate touch of your skin (that he missed so much, but would never admit) or it was simply him being curious as to what you had to stay. Whatever the reason, Yunho did as told and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t come to regret it for the second time around. But now, with his eyes on you and his pretty lips pressed in a determined line, you forgot what you wanted to say. 

Hearing Wooyoung’s half-hearted advice from that evening echo in your mind, you cleared your throat and–

“You know, if you wanted to talk you could’ve just done so. There’s no need to bring a third party into,” he gestured between you, “this.”

“What?”

“Wooyoung.”

You kept replaying his words in your mind, dissecting each term, putting them together and so forth until they lost their meaning and you were back to the start trying to figure out what he meant. 

“What?” 

“Nothing, forget I said anything.” 

Seeing him roll his eyes and hear his tongue click the roof of his mouth was your breaking point. Smoke huffed out of your nostrils as you grabbed the blankets from the ground, marched in front of him and stopped him right in his tracks with a hand on his chest. It was one thing to ignore you for weeks, but it was a whole other pain to hear him say demeaning shit to your face.

“You don’t get to do that,” you furiously spat. “You don’t get to disappear and then tell me I should have just talked to you. Yunho, I couldn’t find you even if I turned the whole prison inside out! An– and– and Wooyoung?! What the hell?!”

Your emotions were a tangled mess that not even the most talented hairdresser could unknot. Hurt, sadness, anger, disbelief, everything bled into each other until you couldn’t put a name to them anymore.

“Listen here. I don’t know what you think you saw, but it’s not like that and even if it was, why the fuck do you care?” 

Your question was met with silence, but a wave of fury swayed in his eyes and you wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. You expected to hear a lot of things the day either of you confronted each other, but nothing could’ve prepared you for that wild and disrespectful assumption.

“I wanted to apologize for my selfish actions back in the mall, but I don’t think I’m sorry at all… Actually, I’m sorry I wasted my blood on you. I’m sorry I sacrificed myself for a guy who can’t bring himself to check up on me while bedridden or– or that the first thing he says to me is that I’m making ‘moves’ on his friend, on his brother! From the bottom of my heart, Yunho, go fuck yourself.”

You threw the blankets at him and walked off. Your job there was done. You heeded Wooyoung's advice only to have it all blow up in your face, although you weren’t going to fault him for the loose mouth of Jeong Yunho. The roles reversed as your wrist was trapped between Yunho’s slender fingers and the roots of the grass twined around your ankles keeping you in place. The grip tightened as a result of you fighting back, yanking and shaking as if touched by something poisonous. 

“Don’t… Don’t go,” he pleaded. “That was stupid of me. I didn’t mean it. I just…”

Lost my cool. Got jealous. Missed you.

“You just what?”

You spun around and a fuming swirl of wind slapped him in the face. The growl ripped out of you drilled shame and guilt into his bones, and although the angry load Yunho carried for weeks evened it out, he couldn’t feel his blood boiling without red tinting his ears.

“I’m talking to you now, am I not? Are you going to answer me or stand there doing nothing, because I really have no issue with going back to you forgetting about my existence. I know I sure won’t have a problem with it.”

“You think I forgot about your existence?” He asked in disbelief, a broken expression lacing his features. “It was the only thing I couldn’t do. I could blame you and think of you as selfish, stupid, reckless, immature, irrational, anything, but you were still there. You occupied my mind every hour of the day, every dream and every nightmare… And when I wasn’t busy…” Yunho paused, seemingly searching for the right word. “Blaming you, I was turning gray from worry. So no, I can’t go back to ‘forgetting about your existence’ because I never did nor could forget about you!”

“Then what was it? You were too busy worrying about me to take a quick peek in the hospital wing? You couldn’t put your hatred aside to ask Nari, Yeosang, Wooyoung or whoever the fuck about my well being? You think I’m going to believe you cared when you couldn’t even show it? That on our first encounter since a month ago you couldn’t even say something simple as ‘Hi’ without looking absolutely shell shocked at my presence. I haven’t forgotten about you my ass, your face told me everything I needed to know.”

“If I fucking forgot about you, would I be dying to do this?”

Yunho stepped forward, determined to show you just how wrong you were. The feel of his hands — large, warm and slightly callused — cupping your cheeks was unexpected. The yelp of surprise died in your throat as he forced your face up to his and slothed his lips against yours. They were as chapped as they usually looked, but soft and carrying a hint of chocolate and whiskey. Your own arms hung limp by your sides, eyes wide and heart thumping against your ribcage. There was nothing besides Yunho, no anger baiting you to clamp down on his lip or a spiral of sadness telling you to push him away. You were completely consumed by him. His scent, touch and taste. It was all just Yunho.

As you failed to respond, he slid his thumb over your cheek and drew back. Before he could get as much as a centimeter of air between your mouths, you latched onto his wrists and lifted your chin to properly meet his lips, and closed your eyes. It was the most beautiful and tender first kiss you had ever shared with anyone before. It was innocent and sweet, a bit rough as you pushed your heads as close to one another until you were on the brink of hurting. You poured your all into it and broke it off as the need for air somehow grew bigger than your need to feel him on you. Chests heaving and lungs burning from the oxygen shortage, you didn’t dare to look away, afraid either of you would disappear.

“I could never forget about you,” Yunho breathed out, his hands gliding down to adorn your neck like a 24-karat gold necklace. His thumbs found your pulse point while his pointer finger caressed your nape in a slow manner, treading lightly on the strand between teasing and adoring. 

Words failed you in the moment you needed them the most and to add fuel to the fire, your internal thoughts were a jumbled mess of nothing. You kept replaying the feeling of Yunho’s lips on yours, the heat that prickled your mouth after and how you wanted nothing more than to do it over and over again.

“Please say something.”

Realizing Yunho was as far gone as you was the push of confidence you needed to fulfill your wish. Using more force than intended, you tangled your fingers in the front of his shirt and pulled him into another kiss with mouths smashing and teeth clicking together. It was a stark contrast to the first one; needy, searing and desperate to reciprocate Yunho’s cryptic confession. You took Yunho's bottom lip between yours and worshiped him as if your life depended on it. His hands trailed gently all over you; waist, hips, even daring to give squeezes to your ass. You didn’t know how long you stood there, exploring each other like horny teenagers, but by the time you parted for air — hair messy, lips swollen and glossy, eyes intense with a burning desire — everyone had escaped inside. 

The fire was long extinguished, but you were still warm all over and a different kind of flame ignited inside of you, born in your core and pulsed harder each second you weren’t touched by Yunho. The scorching hot butterflies fluttered more violently as his thumb swatted over your bottom lip, spreading the spit — his or yours, it didn’t matter — more, but he stopped as the weight of the situation dawned on him. Jumping right into bed after the agonizingly long weeks of ignoring each other and brewing an irritation that could only be cured by talking didn’t sit right with him. 

A pregnant pause filled the space between your spit-swapping action and the beginning of Yunho’s next words. 

“I really need you to say something or I’ll go crazy. I don’t think you understand how much you mean to me, so please, say something. Anything.”

“I… You– uh…” 

It was so much easier to act than to speak. Why must he torture you? Wasn’t the kiss enough? Didn’t he feel your desperation seeping into his bone and very being? What more did you have to say for him to get it through his head that you were honestly, truly, completely in love with him? 

You grabbed his amusingly large hand and placed it on your chest, right over your beating heart. As if feeling Yunho’s touch, the thumps came stronger and quicker. The chance to explain yourself wouldn’t come at a better time than this.

“You mean everything to me, Yunho. That thing back there in the mall? I did it because…”

“Because what?” His whisper was delicate like a summer breeze filtering through your hair and swooshing the seam of your sundress.

“Because I didn’t want you to die. Fuck, I didn’t even care what would happen to me, I just needed you to be safe and– and–”

“What about me?” He interrupted. “Did you even think what it would be like for me if you wouldn’t have made it out of there alive? Watching you hobble out, bloodied and looking more dead than alive hurt like a blade through the heart. I thought I lost you…”

“You didn’t though. I came back. Barely, but I did come back… To be honest with you, I didn’t think I’d affect anyone with my passing. Nari is an exception, but that’s about it. You’ve known them for longer than I have and… I thought it would hurt less if I was the one to go and not you.”

Tears filled his eyes and grew red at the saltiness. Yunho pressed his palms against them and breathed irregularly. Through his soft sobbing, his words came out drenched with disbelief. “How could you say that?! How could you–”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“You can’t say sorry. That’s so fucked, why would you even think like that? Fuck, I felt like dying just looking at your limp body in my arms and you were the one on the verge of death, not me. Yet I couldn’t breathe until I got you to Yeosang.”

Yunho’s cries were loud and it was getting harder to understand him. You think you understood what he meant by feeling the pain of a blade through the heart. You closed the gap and circled your arms around him. He fell into you, his tears soaked through your shirt and his fingers almost tore holes into the material from how hard he was holding on. You rubbed soothing patterns into his back and patiently waited for his crying to subdue with a few reassuring pecks left along his shoulder and collarbone. When the silence was filled with his light sniffles and shuddering breaths, you continued from where you last left off.

“Is that why you didn’t come to visit?”

Yunho nodded and cleared his throat, but his voice was still raspy and muffled from crying and being pressed against your skin. 

“I did come. I stayed the whole time you were unconscious, I was right there. That chair might have fucked my back forever, but I vowed not to move until you were stable…”

“I didn’t know,” you lamely admitted.

“I’d kill them. I said, if word got out that I was there, they’d wish a biter got to them before me.”

You cradled Yunho’s face and firmly pried him out from the comfort of your shoulder and directed his focus to your eyes. A watery smile curled your lips as the threat sounded so foreign coming from him. The Yunho who wouldn’t dream of hurting a fly, and who the children adorned and pets seeked out for comfort. Then a snippet of your first encounter flashed before your eyes and you remembered it to be the same Yunho who didn’t think twice when putting a bullet through the head of your perpetrator. Suddenly, the threat sounded more promising.

Yunho grew shy at the intense eye contact and enveloped your hands in his. He ran his thumbs over your knuckles in various patterns to divert the attention elsewhere, a coy trick to easier say what was on his mind without having your beautiful eyes dissecting him for his thoughts.

“I wasn’t angry then either. For those two weeks I felt nothing but fear for your life and it wasn’t until you came back that I let everything wash over me. That’s why I didn’t come after. Because I was so angry with you, but I need you to know I never, never, hated you… There’s another thing too, but it’s stupid.”

“Tell me,” you demanded. 

It took a while. He managed to circle a couple of figure eights on the brass skin of your hands before revealing the embarrassing secret that tugged at his heart every night prior to falling asleep. 

“You got hurt because you were trying to protect me so I thought, if I wasn’t there�� if I wasn’t in your life anymore, you wouldn’t have the need to put yourself at risk for me ever again.”

“You’re so stupid, Yunho. That would never work. You could literally hate me, wish me dead–” You ignored the glare he sent you, “But it wouldn’t matter because I’d do it again, over and over again if it meant you’d be alright.” 

Yunho deeply sighed. Your words made him hot and he was trying hard to ignore the heat fluttering inside of him. “Don't say stuff like that, it makes me want to kiss you.”

Always putting others' needs before yours was the path you molded for yourself and reaching for what you wanted wasn’t something that came naturally. But as the stars cheered you on with their soft twinkles of encouragement, you did the unimaginable and connected your souls for the third time that evening. The hour long nights spent talking about one another with the moon as your only witness paid off as she lovingly gazed down on your beautiful rendezvous.

“I guess there’s going to be a lot of kissing then,” you breathed out and moved a few stray hairs out of his eyes. 

Since the outbreak started, you never once entertained the idea of finding a romantic connection. Your main focus was providing Nari with a safe future ensuring her a life where she could at least live past the age of thirty. Even if it meant sacrificing a few things. You didn’t realize how miserable you were until you crossed through the gates of Sector One. There was only so much you and Nari could do to quelch each other’s needs. Your start at the new camp was rocky. It was tough, yet you broke through everyone’s prejudice and showed them you weren’t just a suicidal bastard, but a woman with interests and feelings like everyone else. The apocalypse hadn’t erased the person you were before, it just took soft spoken words, gentle touches and a whole lot of understanding for you to come out of hiding. 

In the meantime, you’d patiently wait. Maybe the world wouldn’t ever return to what it once was and maybe it would only go further down hill from there, but standing in front of Yunho as his eyes darted all over your face — the challenge of trying to figure out what part of you he wanted to admire the most was impossible to solve — melted away those worries. As long as you were surrounded by people keeping the flame of survival alive, you’d be fine. 

© HONGJOONGSPOETRY 2024 - All rights reserved. Copying, editing, reposting or translating my work is not allowed.

[skiyoosmi]

to the stars above | z.

featuring. zhongli (genshin impact)

genre. fluff, angst, smut, ancient-liyue!au

word count. 5.4k

marga's notes. aAAAa look look, it's my first commission!! school has kept me really occupied for like the past month but after pulling a few all-nighters, i've finally finished my responsibilities along with this little baby! once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to my bubs @ramannnn for trusting me with this one <33

Nobody knows when the world began, how it came to be and why it continues to be. Even I, whose mind is filled with nothing but wonder for it, have no idea. One thing I am quite sure of... is how mine did.

It all started with him— a man of many titles, different identities yet at the end of the day, all these monikers are the same; it's all him. He adored Liyue more than anything else, knew it like the back of his hand. He went where the winds lead him, stayed where the moon shines upon him, stood where the golden sun kissed his skin. He found serenity in the walks he travels as he goes about his day, the sceneries his eyes take in and the calm sounds the nature resonates for him. And as if it was fate decided upon by the Celestia, it led him to me. Suddenly, my little world that used to be nothing became everything... quickly and all at once.

An exasperated sigh escapes from my lips, frustration and disappointment filling my whole being as I stare at the blank parchment paper I held in my hands. Another day was again wasted with no progress, I thought, mentally beating myself up for not being productive enough. Before I could further drown myself into such pessimistic ideas, I snap out of it and let my eyes cherish the view that lies ahead of me. Though I feel a little guilty for taking Vermeer's place, I can only whisper an apology with little to no sincerity. Because truly, nothing can beat the picturesque landscape of Luhua Pool— the crystal clear waters that would most probably reflect my face like a mirror if I were to ever look at it, the ruins that ignited the spark of curiosity within me, wondering about the pasts it holds and the stillness and feeling of peace it gives me as I sit in this cliff. Feeling somewhat a bit better, I place my things on top of the old bag I bring no matter where I go. There's always a better day for writing, I tell myself as a form of consolation, bringing my slim arms up to begin stretching. I've been sitting on this log for quite a long time now, after all.

"It seems like you are in a bit of a dilemma," a deep voice comments from behind me. Out of surprise, I lightly jump and turn my head towards the stranger. Right at that moment, it felt as if all the air circulating inside my body had been depleted. Captivating was an understatement as to how he appeared before me. With the sunlight striking his face and accenting his unique features further, he stood with his hands behind him, head tilted as he looked at me with interest, all while keeping his dignified posture.

"Oh, hello. I am afraid so, yes," I respond, or rather, mutter under my breath since I was not really used to having sudden encounters with other people, nor am I fond of it. I tend to keep to myself, finding it much more peaceful than having to tend to others' overbearing expectations and demands which is partly the reason why I chose to live in the outskirts, far from the center of Liyue that contrasts my comfortable abode, "I apologize. I failed to realize that somebody other than Vermeer liked to stay here," I told him, arching my eyebrows a little when he let out a breathy chuckle.

"Oh, you have no need for such formal apologies. I do not always go here, at least probably not as often as the man you call Vermeer. I was simply taking a walk and I think I got carried away by Liyue's view and eventually, my feet led me here," he explains, a hint of sheepishness present in his tone, "and I guess I'll have to thank my feet for that."

Because it led me to you, interesting one. For many years, it will remain unspoken, kept by the strange man to himself and unveiled once his heart gives up from the resistance he upholds.

For the following hours of lounging around Luhua Pool, I learned a lot about the stranger— he calls himself "Morax," and like the god of Liyue, he enjoyed history and is extremely knowledgeable about it, aspiring to know and understand everything of the world, he often brews tea, even going as far as inviting me once I am free from any form of work. Just as he shared facts about himself, I did too.

"So, Cheng, you said you have a bit of a dilemma?" he inquires, slightly angling his head towards the direction of the side I'm sitting on. I nod my head up and down, mouth forming into a small pout of disappointment as I remember that today has not been that progressive.

"Yes. I am trying to write a novel, you see. Something that will leave an impact on this world so that even if I may pass, I will still live on the memories of people," I tell him, an ambitious expression present on my face. He hums, eyes going over the terraces that make up the current view we have and the two huge statues standing by the ruins, "Why so?"

I pause for a moment to think of a reply, "I guess I just do not want to let someone alone in this cold world. Wouldn't that be too cruel and sad, to just leave them with nothing?"

If I'm able to write words that will provide comfort to my readers, then maybe... just maybe the world will be less lonely... even for just a little bit. At least, that's what I thought as silence consumed us, the sun setting as if to remind us that finally, another day is nearing its end. Now, what will tomorrow bring?

"Well then, I do hope I will be able to read at least some of your works at least once," he speaks as he stands up, lightly dusting away his clothes, "It certainly has been a pleasure to be your company, Cheng."

As he walks down the slope of the hill, his somewhat broad back facing me, I call out, "Will you be back?"

He stops and turns, a soft smile is plastered on his face as he responds, "Only time will tell."

But time was no friend of mine. At least that's what I have come to realize as many days passed without him returning to this place. Though maybe it's only because it almost felt as if time slowed down and I was only eager to see him again, something I have scolded myself to— what a fragile heart do I have to already seek a stranger's presence? That is what others call love at first sight, a devilish portion of my mind whispered cheekily within me and I gasped in disbelief, "Absolutely not," I lightly slap both of my cheeks, "I'm just too coped up in my own world. I probably need to go see more people."

That thought remains a simple yearning though because once again, I find myself lounging around the same spot in Luhua, a quiet hope ignited within me, fulfilled when I hear the familiar voice he adorns as he speaks, "You're here."

I release a sound that is between a giggle and a breathy chuckle, "And I see your feet had led you here once more?"

"They were curious, or should I say... I was," he explains as he takes a seat beside me, his posture remaining solid despite the uncomfortable position.

"Of what?" I ask.

"Of you," he simply replies, unaware of the sudden yet unsurprising effect it had on my heart that was already beating rapidly with just his mere presence. I try not to be so showy of it though, too embarrassed to even think of how fast I became fond of him.

But it was no wonder. After all, he himself was an interesting one; from the way he carries himself, the way he speaks, and the way he's just him... all and every action hold so much dignity that it just leaves me almost breathless and in awe every single time my eyes finds their way to his figure— and to think that this was just our second meeting? My mother would most probably let out the most shameless giggle as I tell her these thoughts, pushing me and teasing me like a normal person in their teens would. I shake my head to get out of these thoughts, listening to Morax as he tells another wonderful tale, almost making me think that he lived it himself with how he knew it, going over even with the smallest details.

"You know, Morax, you have such a good memory to remember all of those things despite simply hearing about it," I suddenly speak up in the midst of the silence that engulfed us while he tries to think of the next story to tell, "I hope I can stay in them too... in your memories, I mean. I know I am far from being the most interesting person but for some reason, I wish for that."

He pauses, eyes trailing slowly towards me, beyond my knowledge, before he lets out a somber smile. You already are, is another one of him that becomes an afterthought.

I heaved out a sigh before shaking my head again, "Ah! Why do I keep having such lonely thoughts? Forget about that. Please do not mind me, alright? I think I really need to stop being stuck in the mountains."

I pick up my small bag and shuffle inside it, letting out a quiet sound of 'aha!' as a sort of celebration when I successfully got a small book out, "Here."

He blinked his eyes in confusion, wondering what it was I handed to him so I spoke in delight, "You told me you wanted to read at least one of my works so, here. I am warning you though, it is not like the ones that sell best in the bookstores. It might bore you, or weird you out like what others say."

"What others say?"

"They say it's too unrealistic, too impossible... but I believe otherwise. We live in a world where gods and adepti watch over us. What makes my story impossible then?" I ponder, him still being confused.

"What is it about anyway?" He asks, having no idea of what the context my book had.

"It's about an archon who began living as a simple man in Liyue."

Our meetings became more frequent after that and eventually, we got comfortable with even just the presence of each other, having no need for long talks and such, but just peace. Today, like any other day, Morax was just reading the book I gave him, while I was thinking of what my next story would be about. Occasionally, he looks at me with an odd expression that is almost equivalent to astonishment, as if I have done something so great that it made him look at me that way.

"What made you think of this plot?" he asks all of a sudden, not forgetting to put a piece of paper that served as a bookmark on the page where he stopped just in case he accidentally closed it.

I hum, thinking about my answer to his question, "Hmm. Truth to be told, it was just a mere wonder for me. Archons and the adepti, although not entirely immortal, live so much longer than an average human does, watching over us as we go about our daily lives, waiting for sudden wars to break out and then fight the enemies that attack us. Growing up, those were the things that all the people around me told me. So I began to wonder, do they ever get tired? Is it not too taxing to keep on doing that? What if... they just lived with us, among the crowds? Because I think it is too lonely wherever they are. Would it not be better if they were with us, rather than above us, so they could at least have memories to live by?"

Morax does not give a response, or rather, he finds it difficult to find one. Still, it does not stop the affection that spreads within him. He does not say it out loud, but for someone who prefers to be alone, Cheng was full of empathy. And somehow, that did wonders to Morax's heart.

"Now that I think about it, I kind of actually want to address my books to them now," I hum once more, "It would be like a message for them: Do not be too lonely even if we pass. Because of your help, through these stories, we can show you that we lived a good life."

I huff as soon as I finish my sentence, "Although one of those who read it said that was impossible, because according to them, why would archons give up their power to live a life where there is only simplicity?"

Morax let out a sound that made it look as if he got offended himself, "Archons can do that, can they not?"

"I know! That was what I was saying to them. Anyway, I am not forcing them to like what I wrote. It's just a story, after all. It can do no harm," I shrug, beginning to fix my belongings as the sun began to set, "I should go now, Morax. It is still quite a long walk to my home."

"I want to live a good life too," he suddenly tells me, making me halt and turn to him in confusion, "With you. The good life and memories you shall tell in your stories, can I be part of them too?"

The universe does not stop for anyone, nor does time— science will consistently proclaim this fact matter what timeline we shall live in. No matter how much someone begs to the Celestia to grant their wish of controlling, or stopping time, no one will be able to do such things. But somehow, it seems like when it comes to him, everything is possible as I feel my world stop at his words, just like the way it also began when I met him. And as if planets were colliding with each other, I suddenly felt my heart crash upon him and as if out of instinct, I let go of the truth.

"Of course. It would be the greatest thing to have you."

Life was strange in its own way. That is what I have come to realize in this simple life of mine.

Despite the fact that the "me" of the previous year has never even thought about putting my whole being on my sleeve, it is pleasingly odd how right now, I find myself in this kind of situation with the man who swept me right under my feet and claimed my heart as his.

“You're cold," I whisper amidst the silence of the night in my abode, my index tracing the ears of the man who had me sitting right on his lap, the shorter strands of his silky hair tucked behind them. So, so alluring.

He takes hold of my wrist, planting a soft kiss on its side, all while maintaining eye contact as he quietly drawls, "Then I suppose you can keep me warm tonight. Will you?"

As if in a trance, I nod my head, letting him take the lead as he laid me down, back against the soft mattress, him following on top with his arms supporting his build. With arising confidence, I circle my arms around him and pull him down, bringing our lips together, a sigh of relief escaping both of our mouths as if to say, "Finally."

I wonder if he thinks the same way as I do— that this was Celestia in its own way. I felt like I could do anything as long as it was with him. The kiss felt like the power we once suppressed from each other became a supernova that changed our world's course all of a sudden. But despite the tension and heat we both emitted at the moment, there is a warmth that engulfs me the same time he fully wraps his arms around me.

I am here. I will always be here.

No noise disturbs the peace we have created, only the quiet sound of crickets reach our ears but even that fails to distract him from what he's doing. He gently tugs on the sash that keeps my coat tied. Nimble fingers explore the remains of my clothing, loosening all until I am set free from them.

His eyes raked over my body, an expression of awe plastered on his face for so long that it made me somewhat conscious. Because as he unravels his to me, I am enlightened by the fact that my figure is nothing worth comparing to his — not even close. A hint of sweat glints from his skin due to the moonlight, making him look even more ethereal. But who was I to complain?

So instead, I look down, fiddling a little with my fingers as I feel my cheeks heat up. How is it that I only realize now what kind of situation we are currently in? Before I further drown in such shameless thoughts, he lifts my head up by the chin, an amused look on his usually-gentle face, "Are you feeling shy, beloved?"

I meekly nodded, to which he lets out a soft laugh and whispers, "Don't be. You are the epitome of beauty itself. If you don't believe me, allow me to show you nothing but truth tonight, I swear under the moon and all these stars."

He dips down and captures my lips in a kiss once again with more passion, if it was still even possible.

"You are made for me, as I'm made for you," he proclaims as he thrusts inside me after minutes of preparation, soft pants and groans following his statements. I can only whimper in response, pain evident in my tone at first with my hands lightly clawing at his back. I pray to the heavens above that they don't leave awful marks after this.

He halts and utters an apology, thumb caressing the bone of my cheeks while he waits for me to adjust. He scans my face after a few seconds, relief flashing in his eyes when I nod for him to continue.

"I... b..." I try to speak out but the pleasure overwrites any sensical thought that goes through my mind. He slows down a little, looking over my face and smiles, urging me to talk.

"Stay with me, beloved. We still have all night," he tells me, encouraging me to voice what has been on my mind.

"I... I belong to you, always have and always will..." I manage to croak out, voice quite hoarse due to the sounds that I let out previously. Perhaps pleased with what I have proclaimed, he begins going even deeper and at the same moment, I begin falling deeper.

"Yes, yes, you do," he repeats like a mantra, his voice sounding more and more desperate to reach his high. I cry out with him, creating a harmony that even the best bards shall be ashamed.

It was a long night— the longest yet most beautiful night I have ever had in this simple life of mine. And in that moment, as we reach the stars together, I knew right there and then that this man is someone who will be etched in my heart for as long as I live, deep into its roots— for him, it shall beat and it shall love.

You, who are reading this, most probably have had enough of these teeth-rotting praises I kept on writing. But what can I do except to apologize? These words are the only ones that can flow out of my mind and mouth to show how magnificent it was to be loved by him.

Well, nothing significant really changed. He was still the same gentleman I met, if anything, more gentle. Just like in the beginning, he made my heart flutter every chance he gets, no matter how many years have already passed.

We built a dynasty together.

But maybe I should have known that ours were also bound to crumble like the ones that have long existed even way before us.

Days, months and years went on, I realized that he was actually the opposite of me— unlike me who was clearly not parallel with time, he held it right on the palms of his hand. I was not blind, nor was I a fool, I can clearly see how he looks like he has not aged a day, all while I was here, maturing more and more each second that passed by, the amount of signs of me aging increasing significantly.

Morax. Knowledgeable of history as if he lived it himself. Time. All these thoughts eventually congest my mind as realization dawns upon me. He was not merely a man named after the god himself— Morax was him, he was Morax.

"How appalling," I mutter with a hint of sadness and dismay in my tone. I stood in front of the mirror, fingers hovering over my face, wrinkles appearing as I scrunch it. A pair of firm arms snake its way around my lean waist, chin resting on one of my shoulders as he hums his words, "What has got your beautiful mind occupied, my beloved?"

Taking hold of his arms, I turn my body around to face him, a somewhat melancholic smile etched on my face as I look up at his much taller frame, "You are a sight to behold, even to this day." He arches one eyebrow out of amusement and curiosity, wondering why I suddenly started pouring him compliments. After all, my shyness prevents me from consistently doing so. Nonetheless, I continue speaking, "I wish... I could be with you even when everything changes into a whole new world."

I lifted a hand up to cup his cheeks and began rubbing it lovingly, a lone tear finally dropping from my eye as soon as I closed it, "but I cannot, I do not have the ability to do so... I am but a mere mortal, after all."

His eyes widen as he finally discerns my actions and concerns, immediately opening his mouth in hopes of consoling me but I beat him into speaking, "It's alright, Morax. I have been putting the pieces together for a while now. I am in no way angry. I just..." I pause, gulping hard before my lips start to quiver, "... I cannot imagine how lonely it must have been. And now... I think about it and I... I do not want to leave you alone again."

My cries eventually start becoming louder, something that is very new to the both of us, seeing as I have always been composed. Love can change a person into a whole new being. I remember a book I have read once and at the moment, I can only agree. Maybe it was the way my heart clenches at the mere thought of him walking alone, or the way I can imagine us taking our last breaths together yet I know that will never happen— but either way, it was painful.

He whispers sweet nothings to my ears, placing light kisses on my temple as he leads us to the bedroom to rest once my tears have finally ceased and I have calmed down. His hold on me gets tighter every time I let out a small hiccup due to crying, almost as if he was telling me that he was feeling the same pain as I was.

Hours pass by as we lay in silence. My tears have long dried up but we remain coped up in each other's arms.

"Would it not be interesting if you bear the name Zhongli?" I ask him in a somewhat croaky voice.

He peers down and tilts his head, "Now where did that thought come from?"

I shrug, or at least try to, and look up at the ceiling as we shift our positions to lay on our back, hands finding one another and intertwining, "Hmm... nowhere. Just a name I wanted to give you in case that you are needing a new one."

"Oh? How come it would be interesting then?"

I look at him with a comforting yet sad smile.

"Because it means it's time to leave, to go somewhere far away... and unfortunately, I will have to leave soon."

He furrowed his eyebrows together, "Do not say that. Who knows? Maybe you will be able to live a hundred years by my side. Besides, I think it sounds lonely. I do not think I would want to get reminded of the fact that you are not here with me."

I hum, "But if you bear the name I gave you, wouldn't it feel like I never went away? That no matter where your feet take you, no matter how far you go, I am and will always be with you, just as I have vowed."

The wooden door leading to my writing room slowly slides open and Morax's head peers in, an adorable smile plastered on his face, "You have been quite busy these days, beloved. I do not wish to disturb you but I am starting to long for your presence."

I let out a shameless giggle, "Alright, alright. Just let me write down a few more words while I still have ideas to input."

He peeks on the parchment paper out of curiosity, taken aback when he finds his name on it, "You are writing about us?"

I nod proudly, "My last piece."

"... But why?"

I smile and approach him, taking his hand and placing my forehead against his after he lowers his head down to my level, "I told you, did I not? I do not wish to leave the person I love with nothing. So that you will not be lonely, my words will be with you. I will be with you, always..."

"... and to tell the gods... to tell you, that I loved every second of my life with you— that it was, indeed, a good life."

"Who are you, young man? Are you my son?" I speak with a very hoarse voice, squinting my eyes at the figure in front of me, as if my poor vision will allow me to do that.

I hear a melancholic yet gentle sigh come from him before he takes my rough hands and looks afar, "Don't mind me. I'm just someone who vowed to be with you for as long as time lets us."

"Oh.... really? That’s quite endearing," I hum, "Well, may I know your name?"

"This… I think I may just have an idea to whom this book is for," Paimon trails off, looking over at the traveler who was in the same trance as her, "Paimon thinks we should let the strange person we saw a while ago give this directly to Zhongli!"

Lumine nods, turning around and starting to run towards the direction they were at previously, recalling the person named Cheng who gave them the novel they just finished reading. They were unique, dressed in layers of robes and it was almost as if they lived in the old times of Liyue. Even the way they talked and moved screamed ancient.

Just as they turned the corner, a woman near the Liuli Pavilion called them over, "Traveler! Here!" As they approach, Lumine cranes her neck to look around the area but to no avail, the strange person was long gone.

"Are you two alright?" the woman asks, much to their confusion, "I saw you talking to literal air awhile ago and I was worried you have eaten something strange."

The pair looks at each other in surprise before Paimon replies, "You didn't see anyone? Like a person dressed in the strangest attire? They dressed really anciently!"

The door of the Liuli Pavilion opens and there goes Zhongli, a calm expression morphing to an awkward one when he realizes he barged into an ongoing conversation. He apologizes for the disturbance and despite the curiosity he had upon overhearing bits of Paimon's statements, he starts his walk back to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. At least not until he hears Paimon call his name, "Zhongli! Wait! A person named Cheng. Do you know them?"

He abruptly stops and turns to the two, eyes wide for a second before it returns to his usual demeanor, "How... how do you know of them?"

"We met them," Paimon says, as if it was the simplest thing to do, "Well, honestly, we don't know because we were apparently speaking to nothing but air! It's so odd!"

He stays still, honestly having no idea of what response he should give them because he himself found it hard to believe.

"Well anyway, they asked us to give you this nov— wait, where is it? It was just in your hands a while ago, Traveler!"

In the midst of the loud chaos made by the two in the middle of Liyue, he thinks he knows what to do and where to go now.

It was the day of the Rite of Parting, an event where he's supposed to be taking part of, even just a part of the audience. But he finds himself hanging around the Wanwen Bookhouse, eyes scanning the shelves until it stops at a familiar name engraved on the cover of a book.

"Oh! Greetings, Mr. Zhongli! I see you took a liking to a very great and romantic novel," Jifang comments as she sees the book in his hands.

He looks at her, "Is it really great?"

She gasps in delight, "Yes, indeed! Almost all of the Liyue folks have enjoyed this story! You can say it is a classic, especially for readers! Cheng definitely outdid themselves with this one! Such a mysterious person yet equally amazing. Imagine? Being able to make such a beautiful love story with Morax? They don’t mention the present name they gave Morax though, such a shame. Maybe it was due to old age, they wrote it until the last moments of their life after all. Anyway, I have to get back to work but enjoy reading that masterpiece!"

He feels his heart swell in pride upon knowing his lover had his wish come true. His nimble fingers carefully open the pages of the book and hours later, as he sat inside the Funeral Parlor after taking the novel home, he finds himself absorbing each and every word Cheng have written, the loneliness sitting idly inside him subsiding little by little.

I found solace in the countless cups of tea you brew whenever I encounter distress with my works, the endless stories you tell with a smile so beautiful that not even the most heavenly scenery can vanquish, but most of them all, the feeling of your hand intertwining with mine, providing me with serenity no one else has ever done before. Under the moonlit night of Liyue, I remember your wistful amber eyes, staring deep into my soul as you proclaim your love and desire for me. How foolish was it of me to think that I could live this life without even experiencing such warmth and intimacy?

It is a banality, really — how I wish to become a well-known writer with unique tales and yet the story I am telling is something so common to folks that they have most probably heard similar ones before. But I guess this is what it means to love and to be loved. Everything is like a cycle that just keeps on being repeated, yet we never get tired of it, of the feelings it brings. So, thank you, Morax. Words will never be sufficient to show how grateful I am to you for showing me a whole new world but I suppose this is still a way for me to give back to you.

With this little book of mine, I hope my heart reaches yours regardless of how many eras may have passed before and after us. So, my beloved, do not be too lonely without me. Even if you find yourself longing for my presence, just open this and my heart shall be with you.

This belongs to you, it always will.

And I do, as well.

[takonei]

Beta AU - Main story, Chapter 6, Trial (Part 7)

Note of the author: And I failed posting in a month. Also I have to remake the entire Beta AU info sheet because I changed my name. AAAAA- Anyway, have fun!~

Chapter 6: My killing game, our killing game

...

Shuichi could only hope he would get clear answers. He knew he shouldn't take it for granted, but a part of him was fully convinced the mastermind would keep her promise to tell the truth for rest of the trial.

As the long silence settled, he could only watch Kirumi choose her words carefully. Was this subject harder to explain, or would she break the pattern by lying or covering the truth?

"Well, well, well... What do you think he meant?" Monokuma answered in her place.

... Of course they would break the pattern now of all times. It was foolish to even consider excluding the possibility.

The bear did seem to genuinely want an answer. Do they really have to go back to this game of guessing like they did before?

The participants shared glances, silently agreeing that it was useless to bother answering.

"Come on, don't be shy! Guesses are never dumb, except when they are!" he cheered, as if that would motivate them even slightly.

Kirumi, who was watching from her throne, at least seemed to have a bit more awareness of the general mood.

Lifting her head from the palm of her hand, she asked. "... Do you know why I recruited Rantaro in the killing game?"

...

That was not what he had expected. It did seem like a genuine question as well, but how could they even take a guess? They knew nothing about their standards. They didn't know why they had been accepted, though Shuichi now had a good guess why he had been accepted.

But that didn't change the fact that he didn't have a single idea what the criteria for everyone else were.

Though, why bringing up Rantaro this way?

"How should we know? You just showed us a video where Shuichi said you could rewrite our personalities. I don't know what your fucking standards are." Kaito mumbled, breaking their collective silence.

The judge hummed. "Fair enough. Criteria should have been defined properly from the start."

"Oh my! Why didn't you just say so?~" the bear sang. "Perhaps indeed, our standards should have been made clear to our audience!"

Shuichi couldn't help but swallow in dread. He knew they wouldn't like the answer. But Monokuma and Kirumi were the only source of information about their past-selves that they had.

"Ah... Standards... Truly a subjective thing, isn't it? It comes and goes like the gentle tides in the morning breeze... Sometimes it's harsh, sometimes it's sweet! But no one will ever be able to truly understand them, and even less control them!"

Shuichi saw in Kaito's eyes that he regretted reproaching Kirumi about her nonsensical metaphors when Monokuma was even worse.

"Standards are unpredictable, they always differ from one to another based on pointless parts of ourselves... One could even say it is quite despairful! But that's what makes it exciting! No one knows which person will be the chosen one! Someone could walk in singing long tales of passion and pride, and yet they will be nothing next to the person with the funny hair color!"

"It only comes down to the mastermind's desires! But it always has been the shiniest gems in the gravel pile that managed to rise up to the top, those who have this tiny spark of excitement, of uniqueness! And it can be anything!"

'Anything' included his parents' wealth, it seems.

"If the person you are truly had nothing to do with the criteria, then we wouldn't have interviewed you, nor any of the candidates for that matter. We could have picked based on appearance, and that would have been the end of the story. Trust me, your looks had nothing to do with your presence here." Kirumi continued.

"No. The reason you're here is because you four and the ten other participants were interesting people to us. You had your own character, your own experiences, your own skills that were unique and stood out from the rest."

"What could I have possibly seen in Rantaro to think he was a suitable candidate for the game? Well... I would have laughed if someone had told me it was what would cause my downfall."

Miu's expression turned to dread. "Hold on... Why did you...?"

Kaito, on the other hand, didn't seem to like her answer. "Don't change the subject! We asked you about the flashback lights, what does this have to do with it?!"

What followed was a long silence as the latter was set on glaring at her until she would give an answer.

...

"Rantaro was a genius."

Kirumi's tone was flat. She didn't even seem mad, she looked... resigned.

"He was smarter than all of us combined. If he wanted to, he could have been the true mastermind of the game, and it's not like any of us would have stood a chance."

"But that? I understood it too late. I recruited him for his outstanding intellectual capacities. But truth is, I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I decided to keep them intact for the rewrite despite not even knowing how far they went."

"I didn't know what plans and theories he was going to come up with during the game. I didn't know if he was ever going to unmask me way before the sixth and final investigation. And while I did expect him to be a force to be reckoned with..."

"... I sure as hell didn't expect him to uncover almost everything there is to know about the flashback lights."

...

She had recruited him for his intellect... And he was actually right about everything he said...?

Did that mean everything they felt and their experiences were truly just lies Team Danganronpa injected in their brains?

"So the Gopher project... And everything else..." Miu muttered.

"That's just the tip of the iceberg." Kirumi stopped her. "Think about every single memory you possess, I can assure you it's not real."

Kokichi swallowed. "The incident... My friends at the orphanage... My entire life struggling to stay alive..."

"... It never happened." she finished his sentence. "Even your trauma was fabricated. Your mind was not that messed up before the game."

Kokichi fell silent. Shuichi couldn't even begin to imagine how it felt to have the guilt and psychological consequences of a catastrophe that actually never happened.

"There was no lonely boy roaming the streets to find bits of unfinished food not to starve, one of the sole survivors of an atrocious plague that destroyed his home city because of a karma strike, abandoned by the friends of his orphanage who saw him as nothing but a bad omen."

"Just like there was no famous biker whose determination to ride cost him his right leg at the age of thirteen, but still continued to train with his disability out of pure passion and hard work, becoming a champion without the world even knowing about his handicap."

"Just like there was no street artist living under the name 'Firefly of the city', making herself known for her legendary fluorescent artworks, being a strong and autonomous mother figure who took a child under her care and loving him like her own son."

"And just like there was no descendant of a family of musical prodigies, who despite a shy and reclusive nature, could display an unreal passion for his instrument that only the luckiest ones could witness."

...

So what Rantaro had said about his own past...

... Was actually true not just for himself but for everyone else as well.

He had heard it back in the courtroom just a few hours ago, but now it felt... Different.

Acknowledging the theory and it getting confirmed were truly different things.

Or perhaps it was the state he was in in both situations that made the sentence sing a different note. A state of overwhelming shock, the surreal lullaby of uncanny madness from a fallen soldier- versus post-acceptance, the sonata of truthfulness from the empress of lies, and the cycle of denial was reborn once again.

The first thing that came to his mind was the riddle he was given back when the Sanzu Garden motive had just started.

The long braids of lavender, the elder-sister figure of his life, fading into purple pellets flying away in the wind. Those moments of complicity- all gone, worthless delusions crumbling to pieces.

The concerts he had performed in, the musical training of his cousin he had assisted to, the loud meetings with the great musicians of the family, all reduced to silence.

The laughs he had shared with her as they were hiding with stolen cookies, the cries he had let out as he scrapped his knee in the garden, the disgust for the exact same three vegetables they both hated, all those insignificant things that didn't look so insignificant now.

Nothing. It was all gone.

...

No. It never existed in the first place.

Nostalgia was a distant attachment he had to let go but couldn't bring himself to. His past before the game was the only source of pure happiness that he had, and the only real memories he made were tainted by sorrow and dread.

Who was she, really? Was she someone present in his real childhood? How had they changed her in his memories? Was she still the big sister she always had been to him or was she laughing wickedly at his misery behind a screen?

What about his uncle, that he had considered as his father figure? Did he watch him throw himself into the arena as the main character? Had no one tried to stop him, or did they encourage him to make a deal with the devil?

All those questions he would never have answers to because he would certainly die before getting them.

As much as he hated Monokuma, he was right.

The only thing that could come out of the killing game... was pure despair.

...

How did Rantaro feel when he found out about all of this...?

"And I believe it goes without saying..." Kirumi somehow interrupted his internal existential dread in a blink of an eye. "... That the cunning hitwoman from the most feared mercenary organization in Japan, who used her inability to suffer as her strength and whose skillset was unmatched by even the most dangerous killers in the country... Never existed either."

"Lies, lies and lies again!" Monokuma cheered. "We thank the instigators for being such wonderful actors! Oh, to be able to embody the very soul of the character you crafted... It truly is a gift of life, don't you think? Though..."

"... We might have to thank our flashback lights as well for the great help they provide to our beloved masterminds!"

Something clicked in Shuichi's mind as he finally managed to shove aside the poisoned thoughts corrupting him.

The flashback lights... Of course neither Kirumi nor Tatsuya, the masterminds, were given any to alter their memories. They were mere actors, impostors playing with people who were in reality fictional characters.

But... Something wasn't right. He remembered clearly who stood out when they had checked the files. It wasn't as if Kirumi hadn't used any flashback lights. They had searched the laptop, she had files of her own: For certain 'chapters', a character file and a talent file.

As for Tatsuya, he was just like Kirumi, but without those two files.

"The character files... While you did have one, Tatsuya didn't." Shuichi frowned at Kirumi. "And that's the same thing for the talent file."

"Ohhhhh! You're riiiight!" Monokuma put a paw on his mouth, feigning surprise. "But perhaps, you are not taking into consideration a certain detail!"

"Which is?" Kaito raised an eyebrow.

"Puhuhu! That's for you to find out, of course!" he laughed.

And back they were to the guessing games.

Certain spotlights turned off to give a more serious atmosphere. It was clear they didn't have a choice but to obey.

"Shall we spice things up for a change?" the bear slid his paw on the surface of the podium in front of him, revealing a multitude of buttons. He immediately slammed one and grinned.

The TV turned on again to reveal a countdown of one minute.

"Good luck finding that oddity!"

And thus, the countdown began.

00:59.

And he didn't want to know what would happen at the end of it.

00:58.

Shuichi snapped out of his thoughts and looked at his friends, panic written on his face.

"A difference between the two?!" Miu repeated. "Wait, shouldn't their situations be the same?"

"I don't know what the 'character' file means exactly, but... Perhaps we can get something out of the 'talent' one?" Kokichi suggested.

The so-called protagonist started to think. Kirumi was a 'mercenary'. Tatsuya was a 'robotics engineer' who faked amnesia.

"Maybe it has something to do with what sort of talent they had? Kirumi's was more physical and Tatsuya's was more about knowledge..." he said. "Tatsuya pretended to have amnesia so he wouldn't have to fake a talent. And since his official talent was knowledge based, none of us would have suspected a thing after finding out what it was because it wasn't anything related to his physical abilities, but rather what his amnesia had erased!"

"Are we gonna ignore the obvious fact that he was a goddamn robot?!" Kaito retorted. "It could have been added some way or another without flashback lights!!"

"But Keebo was-

Shuichi interrupted himself when he realized that the countdown had stopped.

"That... That was it? It was that simple?" Kokichi muttered.

"Was the countdown necessary?!" Miu glared at Monokuma. "Or was it just to fuck with us?!"

"Aw, you probably shouldn't ask questions you already know the answer of!"

... Of course.

"Anyway, you two planned from the start that Tatsuya was going to fake amnesia, right?" Shuichi changed the subject.

"Indeed. Though, while that is the reason why he didn't have a talent file... It's something else entirely when it comes to the character file." Kirumi answered. "The very first flashback light he used was the one we used after the first trial. The one labelled 'chapter 2'. It's because he didn't need any of them before."

Chapter 2...?

Was this what she had referred to as 'acts' when she revealed herself as the mastermind?

In that case, the chapters just meant the period of time that included their daily life, the motive, the murder and the trial.

Which must be how things work in this show.

"The real reason why he didn't receive those two flashback lights is directly linked to the fact that in this game, I am human, and he was not." Kirumi explained.

"The human brain is complex. You could say it's a computer more powerful, but also more prone to failure. There are hazards that we can only kneel before, like physical or psychological trauma, but it can also come in much simpler forms."

"Do you really think I'm naturally that talented of a liar to have been able to deceive you all for three full weeks, including a therapist and several intellectual geniuses?"

This sounded... Very unlikely, but Kirumi had always managed to surprise them. He wouldn't have been surprised if that was the case.

"Even the most talented of gamblers and actors have flaws, though finding them is as hard as finding a needle in a haystack. Whether it's a hand gesture, a blink, unconscious reflexes... It's all those small actions that can out you as a liar."

"The character file that was used on me never altered my personality itself. It was no rewrite, it was an upgrade. A near complete extermination of all the defaults I had, all those little bits of dust that could ruin the entire game, reduced to nothing." she continued. "You have seen what the flashback lights can do to someone, right? Well, in my case..."

"... It just made me someone whose lies and truths are almost absolutely identical."

So the flashback lights didn't just serve to 'rewrite' their brains, but they were also a way to perfect themselves...? But if she truly was a perfect liar, then... How did Kiyo find out about her involvement with Kokichi during the aftermath of the third trial...?

And more importantly, how can he judge the authenticity of her words now? He was just starting to think she was truthful about everything, but she could have lied about her oath of integrity to take them under her spell once again, just like she did during the entire game.

"As for the talent file, well... I don't think I need to explain what it did."

"You just said you're a master liar yet you expect us to believe something that stupid?" Kaito spat out. "There's no way a flashback light did the entire job for you, or any of us actually."

"I can believe you somehow managed to make Maki an expert tailor, or Miu a talented artist, but there's no way some flashlight gave you that strength and agility."

He angrily pointed at her. "You're literally almost as much of a muscle mountain as Gonta! How do you explain that??"

Kaito raised a good point. Some things just can't be changed, right? His divine hearing, the incredible strength of about half of the participants... All those things that were not linked to the brain, but to the body itself. Something was wrong, and no amount of flashback lights could make them believe such lies.

"As I said, the flashback lights for me were nothing more than an upgrade. The strength I have, it's all natural. Because I had decided my title would be the ultimate mercenary, I was required to go under training... For three years I trained so I could be worthy of that title. The flashback lights only enhanced my reflexes and dexterity."

"This is the special treatment that our beloved masterminds get for free!" Monokuma cheered. "Since none of them would ever get their memories replaced, and thus, have a backstory that fits with their talent, it's only natural they get the training they deserve!"

Kirumi hummed. "No matter how much is rewritten via flashback lights, there will always be a dissonance remaining between what you think you can do and what you can actually do, especially when you have no fake backstory to back it up. Exercice trains both the body and the mind, one cannot work without the other."

"It's the same for the rest of you. Most of your talents are related to what you could do before the rewrite. We cannot make a true athlete out of someone who has never practiced any sports in their life. Whether it's an advanced hearing, art techniques, or as Kaito said, muscle mass, it's all enhancement when it comes to talent."

"Then what about my talent?"

Shuichi froze.

Everyone's eyes turned to the one person who didn't match any of the examples Kirumi threw out.

Kokichi.

"What did you do to me?"

...

Kirumi let out a bitter laugh. "As Monokuma said..."

"Don't ask questions you already know the answer of."

Shuichi frowned. The karma... The file...

The flashback light file...

...

"Kokichi didn't have a talent file." he mumbled.

It was as if the same conclusion echoed in all of their minds at once.

"Nothing."

Kirumi bluntly said.

"Nothing, is what I did to you."

Which meant Kokichi...

"You... You didn't..." he swallowed. "You didn't give any talent to me...?"

"Puhuhu... But what is there to give?" Monokuma taunted him. "The wheel of fate is for us to spin, not you!"

Kokichi paled. "Are you saying..."

"Indeed."

"Karma never existed in the first place."

The white haired boy stared at her in horror.

It was the only logical outcome of this... So why were they even surprised?!

"No. You're bullshitting. So many things happened that were only because of karma!" Miu yelled back.

"Puhuhu... Out of all the lies you could have decided to cling to, you chose the fictional concept of supernatural justice that punishes the worst monsters of this world?! Hahahahaha!"

Monokuma laughed harder than they had ever seen him do before.

As the robotic cackles filled the room, all eyes turned to Kokichi, who was still processing that not only was his life fake... But the power that had defined him was also completely artificial as well.

While put like that, it should have been obvious from the start, he still had trouble believing rationality when karma had been a part of their reality for so long.

"Shut up!! How do you explain me getting the code right on first try then, back in the hangar?!" Miu retorted.

"Whatever code that was typed in would have opened the door." Kirumi replied. "The only thing required was to type 50 numbers. Not less, not more."

"If you're curious, you got exactly 8 numbers right out of 50." Monokuma added. "Which isn't a lot, but hey! It's still more than average!"

"What about the spears that almost killed me, huh?!" Kaito argued. "Are you saying you managed to aim at Kokichi and still perfectly predicted my movements so the spears would only pierce my fake leg?!"

"They were aimed at you from the start, and Kokichi was never part of the equation. Also, you would be surprised by how precise an automated shooter can be."

It was clear Miu and Kaito did not believe their own arguments. They were blinded by their rage, refusing to believe a basic truth simply because it came out of their mouths.

The latter slammed his hands on the podium. "And what about the card games then?! How do you explain Miu being that lucky whenever we played?!"

Kirumi sighed, once again pressing some button from under the armrest. She extended her arm and something fell from the ceiling directly in her hand. It was... A card game?

"Catch." She threw it at Kaito, who inspected it. A regular card game from Kokichi's lab. "Now shuffle it."

"What?" Kaito raised an eyebrow.

"Do you want an answer to your question or no?" she glared at him.

Still doubtful, he shuffled it thoroughly.

"The first card you're going to pick is the 3 of hearts. Then the 9 of diamonds and then... The queen of spades." she said.

Kaito swallowed and picked the first card. It was obvious from the look on his face that she was right.

Then he picked the second.

And the third.

He looked at the card that was supposedly the queen of spades for a long time, eyes widened in confusion and frustration.

"How...?"

"Now put it in the middle and pick the card at the bottom of the deck. Let me guess... Is it the queen of spades again?"

He once again did as told, and...

It was clear from his frightened expression that she had guessed right, as impossible as it sounded.

"These cards have a special feature. Whatever is displayed on them is remotely controlled by Team Danganronpa in the studios." she explained. "It's not that hard to create rigged card games like these nowadays."

"Karma never existed because the people behind the scenes were making it themselves, in the form of small actions such as these."

"But how could we forget?!" Monokuma continued. "Some of it resides somewhere other than in ridiculous card games and simple codes!"

"Then what?!" Kokichi cried out. "What did you do to make me believe I was a living supernatural catastrophe?!"

It was heartbreaking hearing him scream in despair. At least Shuichi's talent, despite being artificial, was real. But Kokichi's was just the creators of the game messing with them.

"Puhuhu... Perhaps you should ask our beloved protagonist!"

Kokichi's head turned to him in a fraction of a second, ghostly lavender eyes staring at him as if he had just betrayed him. Something that made his blood curdle, even though Shuichi knew he wasn't hiding anything.

"Huh...?"

Before he could understand what Monokuma was trying to say, the bear pressed a button on his own podium, making all the survivors' spotlights turn off but the one Shuichi was under.

Of course they had to play that stupid game again.

Kirumi was also in the light. Which meant whatever Monokuma wanted him to point out was something they had found together.

Ryoma's notebook? No, nothing was written about Kokichi specifically.

So it was in the mastermind's room... Something both of them had inspected.

But there wasn't anything linked to Kokichi specifically, was there?

...

Oh no.

Not them.

"Please don't tell me that's what I think it is." he muttered.

"Puhuhu... Puhuhuhu!" Monokuma laughed. "Of course it is!"

Just the thought of it was enough to give him chills, so mentioning it out loud? It was completely out of the question.

"Shuichi... You knew...?"

He perked up at the accusation. "No I-

Shuichi suddenly withdrew his foot from the ground, letting out a faint high-pitched yelp. He swore he had sensed something touching his foot.

He knew the others were looking at him weirdly. Had they seen it? Or was he hallucinating?

"What is it then?!" Kokichi yelled at him.

But how could he even answer without making things even worse than they already were?!

The light slowly filled the room again, just enough so they could distinguish each other.

"It's... Kirumi and I we..."

He was stumbling on his own words. Great.

Shuichi swallowed. "Kirumi and I found... tiny robots in the mastermind's room." he explained the best he could. "I accidentally released them but- There were so many of them, I-

A high-pitched squeal interrupted him, coming from Miu. She had turned around to check something without success, and thus was left with only dread and confusion. "What the hell just crawled up my back?!"

It didn't take long for him to understand what was going on, and the fear rising inside of him was starting to spread, slowly but surely.

"Puhuhu..."

Of course. Of fucking course.

"Puhuhuhuhu!"

Of course Monokuma had to bring them in.

"Well well, my dear participants, I am overjoyed to present you..."

"... The Kichikumas!"

So that's what these abominations were for? Creating 'karma' by messing with them?

"The... What...?" Kokichi muttered, baffled by hearing his own name mixed with the mascot's.

"The karma itself!" he cheered. "They're such adorable little fellas who look like-

"-Undesirable animals." Kirumi finished his sentence. "Their job was to cause those little events that one could interpret as karma. Sometimes it was pushing an object off a roof or a shelf, sometimes it was revealing a clue that the killer had left behind if their intentions were malicious... That's what they were for. And of course, they never did anything to Tatsuya nor I since they were programmed not to from the start."

"Justice is a lie, karma is not real, and the wheel of fate is a toy only those in absolute power can play with."

Shuichi could only lower his eyes in shame for having believed in this fake justice.

The mastermind took a glance at them. "... I think they got the message. Those pieces of scrap metal have no use being here now." she said as she waved a hand. The creatures must have understood because they all started fleeing at once.

The metallic rattle of those little horrors running around to find an exit was loud enough for everyone to hear. While Kaito and Miu stared at them in awe, Kokichi had his eyes shut and hands slammed on his ears.

Even when the noise was gone, he could still feel the oppressive atmosphere, but at least the room was not infested with those mechanical rats anymore.

Kaito leaned to the side and put a hand on Kokichi's shoulder to tell him they had left.

The latter looked scared, but it could have been way worse.

"It was tricky to figure out all the ways luck could be influenced. The kichikumas could only change object placement, which in itself is already a lot, but it's mainly the other little things that made karma a concept all too real in this killing game." Kirumi continued. "All those little scenes were added for this silly game of make-believe, even I was sometimes fooled by it."

"But everything related to karma was planned by Team Danganronpa, that's all there is to it. Lies and wicked justice."

And it should have been obvious from the start. But after being spoon-fed this lie for weeks and with the boundary of reality and madness fading away as time passed, the reveal that it was only a part of their madness could only be shock-inducing.

Tenko, Maki, Angie and Kiyo... They never stood a chance because Monokuma had an excuse to out them anyway.

Blaming everything on karma was so easy that no one could question it.

Everything including...

The death of...

...

Shuichi snapped out of his thoughts. He knew this wasn't something that would leave everyone indifferent.

"But then... If karma isn't real... Then Kokichi's reverse disease back then wasn't real either, right? Hence the lack of file for it!"

The latter turned to him with wide eyes. "Which... Which means..."

"... That you were never responsible for Himiko's death in the first place. Not even partially." Shuichi concluded.

At that, Kirumi laughed. "Indeed, Kokichi's part of the despair disease was just a way to flesh out the drama. What one would call cheap shock value."

That's what this entire game was, after all. Unnecessary horror on top of more misery to please an audience addicted to drama. And of course, they would pay the price for it.

"In that case... The rest of the motives were just for shock value as well." he said. "Just ways to make us suffer."

Kirumi stared at him for a moment, then smiled.

"I feel like there is more rationality to this than I first thought."

What...?

"How so? You have seen what they are doing to us."

What was she on about? Was she talking to herself?

"I doubt the mastermind would simply want to make us suffer and kill each other. I know there is more to this but I do not have a slight idea of what their real intentions are."

No. She was quoting someone. But who?

"Hey, what the fuck is with you?!" Kaito spat out. "Quit it!"

"Perhaps the most perceptive people in the audience know what I'm referring to. But to answer your question..."

"... The motives were anything but shock value, and it's about time to review them one by one."

She extended her hand to reveal a book. It was...

... Ryoma's notebook?

She had taken it without him realizing?!

It's with a smug smile that she opened the book with her thumb and blocked it on a certain page. "Well then."

"Shall we begin?"

[hypmicdaydreams]

hellooo~ may i request a fic of dice and his s/o dancing together in their house? (i thought abt this idea while listening to rises the moon by liana flores ! im not sure if its a dancing type of song but its really cute so aaaaa)

Heyo anon! I'm so in love with this idea omg,,, it's simply way too cute! And that song is honestly so good, so thank you so much for introducing me to it <3 I hope you don't mind the length of this fic, but I really did love the idea sm! Thank you for this adorable request and hope you enjoy 💕

-pairing: dice arisugawa x gn!reader

-genre: fluff

-summary: this was turning out to be another typical saturday night, but thankfully, you come up with an idea to save both you and dice from boredom: a slow dance in your very own living room

-word count: ~1.8k

you couldn’t help but think that tonight had been a bit of a slow night, or so it was shaping up to be one. the night was still quite young after all, but as winter was approaching, the days grew shorter and shorter, and by the time it was eight o’clock, it simply felt like the clock had chimed in at midnight. the fact that nighttime was beginning to set in much sooner didn’t help with your drowsiness in the slightest. the shorter days meant longer nights, which pretty much meant that your body grew tired much more quickly now given the darkness outside. 

there really wasn’t much to do despite it being a saturday night. you were much too tired to even think about going out on a little stroll or even to a club of some sort. plus, it was only around nine or so right now; it was much too early for any late night adventures. stargazing was pretty much out of the question given the many streetlights that were never shut off; one of the cons of living in such a large and busy city. and so you were currently spending the night the same as any other night: cooped up at home, cuddling on the couch with your cute boyfriend.

even if you were currently bored out of your mind, it wasn’t all that bad. you had dice by your side after all, and his presence was something. honestly, even if you spent all night cuddling with dice and watching tv or simply chatting the night away with him, it wouldn’t really be that bad of a night, at least when you reflected back on it the next day. dice was always so entertaining, and his mere presence was more than enough to kill your boredom for some time. 

but as much as you loved dice and his eccentric self, you were still currently bored. the two of you had pretty much exhausted every single activity you guys had in the house. you’ve played monopoly with him more times than you can remember (the outcome was the same too; he always ended up bankrupt each time), and cards were also starting to become repetitive and boring. at first, the small bets you guys made during the games were exciting and fun. you both always concentrated on the game at hand and did your best to win so that the other had to wash dishes for the next week or clean the bathrooms. but those also began to grow boring with time. honestly, life was just one big, boring mess. 

and so you were currently sitting on the couch, scrolling through your phone and switching between the same three or so apps as you listened to music through your headphones. dice was playing solitaire on the carpet, though he was currently losing, and the two of you didn’t really say a word to each other at the moment. there wasn’t much to talk about anyway, and sometimes, you both needed a bit of alone time. but even then, that was all too boring. your phone had nothing interesting at the moment, and the music you were listening to started to become simple background noise that you began to zone out. you were still bored. 

but as you were skipping through songs, you landed on a particular one that caught your attention, and the moment you heard it, you got an idea. 

“dice,” you called out, taking off your headphones and standing up from your place on the couch. 

“hm?” 

“let’s dance.” 

you didn’t really give him much time to respond much less get up from his place on the floor as you grabbed his hands and pulled him up. despite doing pretty much everything the two of you could think of, there was one thing that you never did: dance. perhaps you both were embarrassed to dance in front of the other or maybe you guys couldn’t dance at all; either way, you didn’t really care. you were in the mood to dance, and dancing with dice seemed like a great way to spend the night. honestly, doing anything with dice was always a great time simply because you were doing it with him. spending time with him, no matter the activity, was always your favorite thing. 

“woah woah woah!” he exclaimed, tripping over himself as he was pulled up by you. dice had no idea what had gotten into you at the moment, but it was always nice to see you so excited. but dancing? now that was new. dice was always up to try something new with you, no matter what it was, but dance seemed to be quite the odd choice. “babe, i don’t even know how to dance!” 

“neither do i.” turning up the volume on your phone, you put the song on loop and threw your phone onto the couch, a bit giddy at the thought of you and dice dancing together. the song you had chosen was a bit of a slow and soft one, and you weren’t even quite sure if it was a song that people even danced to, but you didn’t care in the slightest. all that mattered right now was the fact that you were going to be slow dancing with dice. 

immediately, you wrapped one arm around dice’s waist and the other intertwined with his, laying on his chest in the process. you could hear his heartbeat, and it was so calming that you were sure that you were going to fall asleep in no time at all (you could also hear how rapidly his heart was beating at the moment, and you thought that it was quite adorable). honestly, you weren’t even sure if this was the correct form at all, but you didn’t mind as long as you were close to dice, who was quite flustered at your sudden contact right now. 

“heh, you’re so spontaneous babe…”while he certainly was flustered at the sudden intimacy, dice also couldn’t help but grin. you didn’t really act on your impulses that often, well, not compared to him anyway. so to see you so riled up over something and simply throwing him into it was quite amazing to say the least. it was rather adorable if he did say so, and dice loved that spontaneity of yours. it may be sparse, but it never failed to surprise him (in a good way) each and every time. plus, he always loved it whenever you guys closed the gap between one another since he practically lived for your warmth and touch. and so, dice followed in your lead, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you in closer, if that was even possible. this was sure to be worth it. “...but i love that ya know.” 

slow dancing with dice was certainly something to say the least. for one, neither of you really knew what you were doing, so both of you were simply moving around the living room floor, wrapped up in each other’s embrace. secondly, since you guys were so close to each other and were pretty much amateurs, both of you often stepped on each other one too many times, mostly dice too given his clumsiness. and thirdly, the song had been on loop for who knows how long at this point, and you and dice were starting to get annoyed at it. despite that all, however, it was still a good time. 

“wait, i have an idea,” you said out of the blue, breaking the silence. you did love the entire mood that you had set previously, but the bright lights of the living room was really throwing you off. they dampened the soft mood that was there, and you wanted to find a way to get rid of it. 

sure the city lights outside were a bit off-putting, but opening the curtains and allowing that light to filter in was more than worth it. rather than the harsh lights of your living room, you were met with softer ones that filtered in through your windows, and if you looked hard enough, you could even make out the sliver of moonlight that had managed to make its way in. slow dancing in the living room with dice was great, but slow dancing in the dark with the only light being that of the outside world was even better. 

“that’s much better,” you muttered, making your way back to dice and laying on his chest once more. 

“you’re a genius babe! gahh, it’s so cool now.” it was rather adorable how dice couldn’t hide his excitement. even in the dark, you could practically make out the sparkles in his eyes, though that was also thanks to the light of both the passing cars and the moon that illuminated his features. gosh, he looked even more handsome under it all. 

with the entire atmosphere as well as the darkness, the slow dancing, and the noises of the buzzing night life outside, your body had acted on its own accord, and you soon found yourself kissing dice out of the blue. you sure were spontaneous today, huh. then again, it was a pleasant contrast to your usual run-of-the-mill life. 

this was the second time today that you had managed to take dice by surprise, but honestly, it just kept getting better and better in his eyes. he was always a sucker for your kisses; they were always so ethereal after all. besides, dice loved spontaneity and the unexpected. it was always so surprising, whether good or bad, and the thrill of it all was what made it all worth it. while he wasn’t accustomed to that slow and steady lifestyle, it was something that he could very much get used to if it was with you. and this slow dance was the perfect example of that. 

of course, dice instantly kissed back, and when the two of you separated, he went back in for more. there simply was nothing like kissing you underneath the moonlight while the two of you were slow dancing. the slow rhythmic beating of his heart and the tipsy sensation he was feeling as well as your close proximity were starting to grow on him. this scene was truly spectacular. 

and so, the two of you continued to slow dance in the dark, only having the lights from the outside world illuminating your view. even if it started off as nothing more than another boring saturday night, it quickly turned into something quite fun and refreshing. perhaps you’d even try dancing with him again next week as well.

[kivaember]

#aaaaa this is soooo good#oh to be a fly on the wall when o'keeffe notices Just How Bad they taste together HAHA#boxes upon boxes of mealworm jerky...#SHOVES A CAT IN 621'S ARMS i hope they get a cat everywhere they want a cat!!!#iguazu seen blaming the ping the snapshot the pugs the everything else#flatwell is the most powerful type of ffxiv player....solemn nodding#thank you for feeding me so much food about your kids!!#reading through the timeline and it's so interesting how the coral tech dev really just rose like a tide before collapsing very quickly

I WANNA RAMBLE ABOUT THE LAST PART REAL QUICK BC:

in apv at least, the coral tech dev really did screw everyone over when the Fires hit, because RRI made so many scientific and technological breakthroughs by using Coral as a shortcut to many limitations conventional science ran up against.

Coral created tremendous amount of energy in small amounts, and could carry tremendous amount of data and transport it near instantaneously. Everyone got onto the Coral gravytrain, and conventional technology stagnated in response. Their spaceship drives (which in APV are a version of Alcubierre drives, which uses spatial manipulation to achieve FTL rather than mundane acceleration - before humans had to use a far slower engine that required putting people into stasis for years long journeys, but with the discovery of Coral and implementing it into their technology, you can travel from Earth to Rubicon within like, a week), their military, even domestic things like cars and what have you... by the time they were dabbling with human augmentation, everything was basically running off Coral.

So when the Fires happened, boom, the bubble was popped. Existing technology was fine, but all remaining stores of Coral outside of Rubicon were rapidly rationed for industrial/military use. They realised that while things were fine now, when the Coral tech started to break down from wear and tear, they had nothing to replace it with. So they had to dig up their abandoned research into conventional sciences and now have to figure out how to overcome the problems that the Coral shortcutted.

They've managed some things, but the biggest problems remain with their spaceships. There's enough stored Coral to replace Corporate/UEG ships for a few more decades, but there aren't any new ones planned to be built or any new designs, bc they have no idea how to create the engine in use without Coral (hence why there's such an aggressive push by the corporations into Rubicon, and why the PCA/UEG sort of tolerated them for a bit, allowing them to extract a certain level of Coral to buffer that problem until they figured out a new engine that didn't rely on Coral).

dfhdfhg SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE but i like... thinking about these things...... the reason why the corpos are so desperate to plant their flag in the Coral deposit is bc they know whoever owns it is made for life. They can control the Coral flow, they can dictate the direction of humanity's technological advancement and focus...

(The reason why the UEG did this whole song and dance with the PCA, though, is because the UEG is leery of getting into that position once again. Coral ended up being the single point of failure for humanity's technological supremacy, so they want alternative means explored instead of returning to complete reliance on Coral... but ofc the corpos just see the money signs)

grabs ur shoulders and looks deeply into ur eyes i saw your post... you say you like talking about ocs............ what do you wanna know....... about mine....

EYES EMOJIS!! (I Will Take Everything And Anything) BUT ALSO, if you have any!! key texts or things I can gaze upon so I can have more targeted questions, that's definitely the first thing nodsnods

Though, for your AC6 kids; how...do they like their mealworm prepared--? Any sights they would really like to see off Rubicon-3? obligatory what job/s would they play in hit mmorpg final fantasy fourte-(i have a leaky memory so i'm not sure if you've said anything about this before,)

[amemesiella]

reading the tags/reblogs/replies to my last textpost was really fun to go through!! i wanted to reply to all of yous but i realized that the og post would get very,,,,, long,,,,, so here are my responses under the cut

YESSSSS his long playthroughs are SO good i’m pretty sure i watch them more than the more punchy shorter videos bc i like to listen to them while working + his chill voice in his earlier videos was one of the major reasons i even subscribed to him in the first place!!

ALSO !!! i’m glad rt’s celeste video encouraged you to complete most of the game!! even though it’s a high difficulty in terms of platforming i hope you enjoyed the journey along the way :]

THE WHO WELL DO YOU NOW RTGAME VIDEO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY i actually hurt my stomach laughing jesus christ i still can’t get over the part where his audience literally raided the website and flooded it with rt shite

also the mario galaxy videos have such a special place in my heart i still go back to the first one to hear rt read rosalina’s storybook i just aaaaa,,, soft rt reading voice my beloved

THE STARDEW VALLRY VIDEOS!!!! oh my god those were quintessential controlled chaos videos and also the running memes were so funny ie. ‘go to bed’ and the fuckin cabins…..

irish lads playing don’t starve has got to be one of the greatest blessings on earth and also imo really solidified the irish lads dynamic, featuring dan as the mom friend and kevin as the resident arsonist

OOOOOO this is a really interesting list!! i feel like i don’t give enough attention to the videos of rt playing lesser known games but they’re insanely funny

some of my favorite moments that occured in some of these videos include:

- rt finding and reading all of the really weird achievements for deal or no deal

- rt putting the baby furniture close to a clifface

- rt playing wii tennis with the cooking mama baby

honestly??? that’s so fuckin valid

i didn’t even think the forza horizons videos would keep me engaged bc i don’t even like racing games aside from mario kart but it was those videos that taught me to never doubt rt’s comedic timing and humor bc those were hilarious

also i saw the blinking video live and while i genuinely was a little miffed when rt blinked against his own will the editing in the video later made it funny djfjsjdjks

NOT THE MINECRAFT STORY MODE VIDEOS DJSNDKSKDKSK

rt’s english degree pain was my absolute pleasure his ability to accurately predict what was happening was so fuckin wild AND THE PART WHERE RT RELOADED A SAVE TO KILL MAGNUS SENT ME LMAO

rt’s videos with kevin is SO fun i enjoy their dynamic of “the one who tries to finish the game” and “the one who is absolutely chaotic and in/directly impedes their progress along the way”

and the pheonix wright videos are really well edited and fun to rewatch!! people were really not kidding when the ace attorney games were just ‘gay lawyers’ JDBSJDNSJJF

SOBS THE CELESTE VIDEO IS ONE OF MY TOP COMFORT VIDEOS LARGELY BC ITS ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE GAMES TOO,,, i remember when i saw the twitch notification i fucking booked it to my laptop and ditched all my final exam materials KDNSKMDKSF i will never regret sitting through all 9 hours of that stream,,,,, and although i’m 100% sure we’ll never get a chapter 9 video i hope he completed it at least it’s one of my favorite chapters in the whole game

that mario party video is like gold in terms of humor i only wish that the pre-game stuff was saved bc it gave us gems such as:

- nogla going off about making an irish lads podcast (onlylads when?)

- nogla buying jack’s top of the morning coffee to prove a point

- just nogla in general

also terroriser’s appearance was just so funny his ongoing disdain for rt is so delightful

and if you haven’t i give u my full recommendation to watch the celeste video i may be biased but i’m never wrong (/j for that last bit LOL)

[tricewithaz]

THOTS ON SHADOW AND BONE

Hello everyone! it is I, Trice, and i come with my thoughts on the Shadow and Bone show cause ive got many

I'm gonna divide this in what i liked, what i disliked, and what i think could have been better but didn't really bother me. Feel free to send your opinions too!

As a whole, I really liked the show and I think it's a great adaptation that both fans and newcomers will enjoy. It's super well done! and every episode had me glued to the tv even though I knew what was going to happen.

Beware this is long

To start,

What i liked

Mal and Alina

I never really liked Mal in the books, mainly cause he had like, nothing going on for him, and not having his pov made him no favors whatsoever. Alina's perception of him was everychanging, two factors that didn't make him unlikeable necessarily, but that made me not want to read about him. In the show he's way more likeable and even though he still doesn't have a lot going on for him, you can see that he's always trying to protect alina, and you also see a bit of his demeanor through Archie's acting. I think he made a great job at portraying him. And Alina! Alina who in the books was essentially a y/n sort of character (although she did get better over time), her character, likes, dislikes, her DRIVE was incredibly portrayed in the show. Also Jessie (loml, marry me) and Archie have incredible chemistry together and they sold their yearning SO WELL (and so did the kid actors portraying them as children oh my GOD)...yall...i cried when they held hands. My favourite scene was definitely when Alina took care of Mal's wounds (a favorite trope of mine). And the HURT in their eyes whenever they thought the other was in danger....i saw the show dubbed but I'm sure their voices made it beyond incredible as well, their face acting was just on. point. Overall the show rEALLY makes me root for them both individually and together which is something the books didn't manage to do.

The Darkling

AAAAA i really enjoyed the Darkling omg, incredible charisma, Ben does such a great job (and so did his voice actor in Spanish oh my GOD). His acting was just as I imagined it in the books and i loved how he could be as sweet and mysterious as he could be menacing. In fact! i liked him more than i did in the book, and i think it was a great choice to make him more human. I'm not sure if this was Ben or the writing, but i could really see his yearning for an equal, for Alina, his loneliness and his thirst for power and control too. Great love interest, even greater villain. And his wardrobe was phenomenal. I also really liked how they implied that The Darkling was a name given by other people, it was very believable that people would call someone who literally controls shade something akin to "son of the dark" or something of the sort, instead of it being a name he gives himself or his job title (both if which are incredibly pathetic and cringy to think about).

Jesper

No comments. He was just great. I love Kit.

Nina

Omg Danielle did SUCH a great job at portraying Nina, it's exactly how i imagined her in Six of Crows.

Helnik

THE. YEARNING. THE. CHEMISTRY. I didn't love their scenes at the boat but once that was over I was practically screaming at the screen to jUST KISS ALREADY. Calahan and Daniell have such good chemistry together and the few changes they made only served the story better. I did wish they had development over more time cause Matthias' change of mind felt too quick, but i get why they had to rush. Because of how good their chemistry was, their fallout also was incredibly painful.

Inej's fear of the Menagerie and her morals

Amita's portrayal of Inej's hurt, devotion and her refusal to kill (and later hurt cause she has killed) is incredibly subtle but so SO effective. She's so talented really and truly sold Inej's feelings throughout the show.

VFX

Man.....the fold, the volcra, the grisha powers.....kudos to the animators and overall artistic team cause they were incredible. Also seeing the different title animations in each episode was such a tiny detail that made me so excited and they all looked so good.

Ketterdam

Again, kudos to the artistic team, everything about Ketterdam felt so alive (and weirdly moist), truly sold a kind of aesthetic and life that is so characteristic if the Barrel, even when i didn't imagine it that way in the books.

David

He appeared like, twice, and both times were so cute and charming I can't wait to see more of him both on his own and with Genya.

The Wardrobe

So, at first i hated the keftas. I thought the looked tacky and costume, but when you see them on screen they're just perfect (although i have to say the patterns on some of the keftas were kind of...cheap looking? and the training keftas were just kinda boring. My favourite was the Darkling's. Aside from that, i really liked Kaz's and inej's clothes too. Very distinctive and recognizable (although it was kind of weird seeing Inej in teal instead of purple lmao).

And the queen's dresses. Chefs kiss.

It's...so cheesy (affectionate)

The whole show felt like the kind of movies I would watch as a kid like Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean. The writing was stylized enough to make it incredibly dramatic and overall there was just so much heart behind all of it. Definetely a show to watch again and again and feel all of it, cause that's what it being so cheesy managed, to make me actually feel for it. It feels like something to watch on a rainy afternoon after a bad day....it's great okay i really enjoyed it, even (specially) the most unbelievable parts of it. And here's the thing, it's something that i think a lot of newer tv and film have lost, so this is good.

What i didn't like

Zoya

Mostly cause of the writing. Originally, in the first book, i didn't like her, neither as a character (stereotypical mean girl with no other motivation than to bang the love interests....all three of them....what's new i still think it's an incredibly sexist trope) or a person (hey at least this was intentional), but over time i grew to LOVE her (mean girl turns out to have a good heart and actually respects the mc and decides to fight alongside her cause it's what's right, without necessarily liking her or giving up her character??? AND she has strong motivations??? now THAT'S new). In the show, i hoped they would keep her mean girl nature while foreshadowing her depth, but all they did was turn her into a petty seductress with barely any screentime, and that only makes her not even a bad antagonist but just a boring character to watch. Not only that but they took away a big part of her character that needed to be developed in the next books. I wanted to watch her rivalry with Alina, her unjustified venomous tongue too, I wanted to be entertained by her and I wasn't. This was also a problem cause when she finally changed teams, and when she hugged Alina, it was incredibly unsatisfying, it would have had a way stronger effect if we had seen her being Ruthless Zoya with a big ambition. I also didn't like how we were told that she didn't like alina, or that she had a family, instead of it being shown on screen. Just from the show, all i can tell you about her is that she likes to bang people and she has a good moral code i guess. Yall, I'm so petty about this.

Kaz

So, I didn't hate him, in fact i think I would have enjoyed him if I hadn't read the books first, cause the two things that bother me about him were two essential characteristics of him in the books. FIrstly, he seems so strained, instead of the seemingly laid back, almost chill looking (even though we know he's not chill at all) Kaz we see in the books, the Kaz that always knows something that you don't. Show Kaz doesn't seem to always be in control, to always have the last word, the last laugh. Instead he seems strained, all the damn time. And I think this is mainly a writing and directing issue. And he also seems weak, something Book Kaz would never do. This is also an issue cause because he doesn't have the same presence he has in the books, the times where he is weak, don't seem as effective. Sure, Pekka Rollins has essentially reduced him and humiliated him, but I haven't seen enough of Kaz being actually dangerous for this to be shocking and for Pekka to seem even more hateable (and, i really liked Pekka, loved him as an antagonist more than i did in the books). Idk, Kaz was so charismatic and just fun and engaging to read in the books that his portrayal in the show felt lacking.

Alina's power's VFX

The little suns were cute and all but the light coming from within her was just ugly I'm sorry.

SFX

A lot of the sound design was just too stylized for the tone of the show i think. I particularly remember the sound of Mal's punches....what's that about.

What i think could have been better, but didn't particularly dislike

The Crows' storyline

And i think part of this is a consequence of Kaz not being as witty as he was in the books. Where's the incredibly complicated heist moves? the even more unbelievable C and D plans when something goes wrong? I didn't like that them getting Alina was essentially just luck, cause i didn't see enough of them being smart and quick on their feet. I also think it was unnecessary to have their storyline mixed with Alina's, i would have enjoyed watching a different heist, maybe in Ravka as well, and them incidentally crossing paths with Alina, more than i liked this storyline. ironically enough, the heist was the part i was least interested in

Genya and Alina

I just feel like her relationship with Alina wasn't strong enough, and i think it's because the show tried to make us believe they were much closer than they were without spending the necessary time in them.

Overall, I really really enjoyed the show, i will be watching it again (particularly cause i want to watch it in English) and i cannot wait for the second season omg (although i have to say, I'm scared for Nikolai)

I think that's all! I would also love to read yall's opinions and have a conversation.

[cosmiclatte28]

Highway to Heaven (Taeyong x you)

Another short one shot.

You and Taeyong! Bringing back Highway to Heaven coz that song is my all time fave! 

Enjoy!

"The number you are calling is not active, please try again." A cheery-apologetic tone greets me again. Yes again.

I sigh realizing there's no more reason to try and redial his number. Of course the same answer will be given. A dozen of apologies, sweet nothings, and another false promises of "make it up to you."

I toss my phone to the couch along with myself, turn the TV on and decided to at least cheer myself up. I glance at my wrist and note the time shown on my watch : 07.00 pm. We were supposed to be together; I don't know probably eating our main course while laughing and reminiscing the journey of our love story which just turns 2 years today. However, since 05.00 pm I've been dressed up nicely, waiting patiently for my busy boyfriend to at least ring me up and tell me to get ready as he is on his way. But no. Nothing happens according to the plan. We agreed this morning through a call that he will leave to pick me at 05.00pm and we will head to the restaurant he reserved.

I tap my heels on the ground, and try to think rationally. Maybe his battery died and the road is crowded. Yeah that must be the reason. I mean.. he won't forgot this right? It's our special night and I can understand we were both busy in the morning, that's also the reason we decided to spend our special night together, I left work earlier today just to be ready.. but here I am still waiting over my missing boyfriend.

I reach my phone and type a short message to another person; hoping that he knows the latest news update about my date.

Soon after he reads my text message, he calls me.

"Hey, sorry if I disturb your night.. but.. are you still practicing?" I ask a bit worried.

The man over the line sounds out of breath as he answers my question. "No you're not disturbing. Yeah our practice got hold up. And I'm not sure if we are ending soon. Why?"

"ah.." I noted to myself. Then he must be busy, that's why he doesn't pick up my calls nor answer my texts.

"Is something wrong? Do you need any help?"

"Oh it's nothing. Okay thank you for the news, Jae. Have you guys eaten dinner?" I worry about their health. It is almost past dinner time, and I'm also starving.

"We just ate gimbab. Do you want to speak to Taeyong? I guess you called me because he did not pick up his calls.. am I right?" Jaehyun playfully questions me.

Well before knowing Taeyong, Jaehyun is my best friend and since his debut with NCT, I am introduced by him as his best-est friend. Saying that his motivator is me, and he can debut because I supported him. From that moment I look around and introduce myself, there are sparks flying when I saw Taeyong's sincere smile. And because of that, I decided to find a job which allows me to have more time with them (especially their leader). That resulted in me being their stylist. I work with 2 other stylist, but I am the head of the group.

Back to the call.

"I can understand. Tae is busy right? Just please tell him not to overwork himself. And please tell him to update me if he'll be coming tonight. That's all. I'll probably come with some foods in 40 minutes." I speak as I gather my things up and reach for my coat.

It's starting to get cold, and despite the disappointment, rage, and sadness in my heart, Iput it aside first to support Tae and the boys. I mean it's not his fault. Their comeback is near and I knew since day 1 that His idol career comes first. I begged him to do that, for the sake of both of our well being.

"Great! My break is over. I need to end the call. Be safe darl!" Jaehyun sends a kiss over the call and I smiled.

I grab my keys and lock my apartment door. Driving to the nearest Chinese take-out restaurants, I ordered ten portions of jajangmyeon and three tangsuyuk. Then my car accelerates to their prison. Oops I mean their studio.

I come on time. While taking the lift, I happen to walk-over their dance teacher and he told me NCT is done for tonight. I bow to him and rush to get to their door. It's almost 08.00 pm and I'm also starving.

The door opens and everyone's eyes looked up to the plastic bag in my hands.

"OUR ANGEL IS HERE! GOSH! We almost starve to death! The devil here is starving us!" Haechan screams and runs to help me carry the heavy bags. Though I'm pretty sure he did it not out of gentleness but because he is starving.

Taeyong seems surprised to see me walking into the studio with dinner and a nice outfit. Yeah I have no time to change, actually it's just a plain black dress hugging me nicely, and Taeyong is always hungry for me in a simple fitting attire. I wear the coat he gave me, a long outer coat which he nicely decorated for me. Seeing me in that special outfit, he seems to remember something. It's irregular for me to show up this proper, usually I grab a comfortable sweatshirt and sweatpants, because sometimes I want to dance along and skirts are just forbidding me to break dance. I see him face-palms himself and messes his hair. A sign whenever he's contemplating with himself.

I broke our eye contact and a part of my heart feels bad for him, he must be working so hard yet he is still trying to make time for me.. that makes me feel bad for urging him to bring me for a date tonight. Another part feels more relieved that Tae does not entirely forget his promise... but still the tiniest bit of my heart aches as I realize another special day is coming to an end with failed plans.

"Tae, how are you sweetie?" I walk to him and stand on my toes to cup his face.

He leans closer to me and after giving me a peck on my lips, he whispers "I'm sorry.. I'll make it up to you.. I swear you look beautiful."

"Shh. Keep it for tonight. Let's eat first I'm starving." I grin and pull him to join the others. He forces a smile at first, but upon eating together with me and the others his smile changes.

Thanks to Haechan and Doyoung bickering over pouring the sauce or dipping the tangsuyuk, we all had a happy dinner.

I finish my plate and reach to help Taeyong since he looks super tired.

"Aaaaa" I raise the chopstick to his mouth and grab the whole group's attention.

Taeyong plays along and happily lets me feed him. The other members are comfortable enough with the two of us dating and being cheesy, they even help us do anything we did not think at first.

"Ah I'm jealous. I also want someone to feed me." Winwin pouts while stirring his bowl.

"Let me," Yuta excitedly grabs Winwin's bowl and the whole group laughs.

Dinner ended nicely, we put the trashes into the plastic bag and throw it away.

"So.. are we staying or go back?" Mark questions the team after a good one hour break.

"I think we can call it a night." Jaehyun rushes and looks over to Taeil and Johnny: sending a signal.

"Right! We've done well, and I think a good rest is also important for our health." Taeil, as the oldest, states.

I lookat Jaehyun with questionable face but he just throws me his dimple smile. I knew it.. he must've caught on what's happening between me and Tae.

Yes, Jaehyun is a quick man. He saw my attire, he saw how Taeyong acts like he feels bad about something and when he asks Johnny and Taeil does it make sense if their leader is forgetting a special day.. or unable to fulfil a special day promise... the two agree and so they plan to let Taeyong has his night.

"Okay, let's divide the cars. Yuta, Winwin, mark and Haechan you go together. Then we'll take the other car." Johnny stands up and gathers his belongings.

The others cheer and scatter across the studio, cleaning up their mess and picking up their coats. The younger ones leave first and Taeyong with his puzzled face asks the remaining 4

"What is that? I haven't spoken a word and they're gone?" Taeyong picks up his phone and pockets it.

"It's okay Tae, we know.. Anyways.. Happy anniversary for the two of you!" Doyoung pats Taeyong's shoulder, smiles to me and walks to exit the door.

"We will bring the other members home, so you can have your time." Johnny winks and exits.

Before Taeyong could open his mouth, Jaehyun shuts him up "Be gentle okay! My best friend here is fragile!" Jaehyun laughs and leave too.

"All the best for you two! No worries Tae, the dorm is under my control. Enjoy the night!" Taeil waves and closes the door.

Taeyong's face flushed red and he hides his face behind his hands. I laugh at his cuteness and hug his left hand.

"So.. they are giving you for me tonight! It's nice of them. Shall we go?" I sound happy and excited. Like I forgot what he made me do... waiting for him for a good 2 hours.

"Gosh.. yeah they're unpredictable. Anyways.. as I said.. I'll make it up to you. Now.. where to?" he grabs his coat and then turns off the lights.

He takes over my car and drives to my apartment. The whole ride is full with rambles of apologies and cries of frustration from Taeyong.

"My phone died.. I didn't get any of your calls.. and the dance teacher did not let us have breaks.. I'm super sorry you have to reach Jaehyun to ask for my update.. gosh it looks like Jaehyun is a better man than me."

I quickly deny him, "hey! What are you talking about. You are my man.. I'm dating you not him.. and I can understand your reason for not picking me up. Don't blame yourself Tae. Look, I've forgiven you.. and let's promise each other to not discuss about this at all. Tonight we'll spend it well and forget everything else behind. Just for-" I glance at my watch "- for 3 hours, we'll spend them nicely okay."

Taeyong lets a tear fall and I tease him for being a softie, which successfully brings a smile on his face.

That night, he compliments me for wearing his favorite dress, but then things are more interesting after we finish half bottle of our wine and truths are spilled here and there. As the night deepens, so did our kiss. He ends up undressing me from his so-called favorite dress and goes way wilder than what Jaehyun advised.

The intense rock on my bed leaves the two of us gaping and smiling as we reach for one another's warmth. The heater does not need to work tonight, and after-glows with Taeyong are always wonderful.

I run my fingers over his hair which wetly sticks to his godly face. Tracing my digits over his sharp jawline and bringing his hair back. I clean the strands of hair covering his face and lean in closer to my favorite part of his face.

It was not his dreamy eyes, cute nose, or sexy lips.. Taeyong closes his eyes as I inch closer to put a kiss on his scar. The scar he had when he was a child, the scar he used to hide , but I made him love that and be proud of it.

Yes, I always kiss his scar softly and mumbles out how his beauty never decreased. How his scars are beautiful too and that really helps Taeyong boosts his confidence..

He embraces me deeper, planting marks over my necks claiming me as his, trailing down my collar bone and leaving butterfly kisses down my left arm. He reaches to hold my left arm and plants a not too short not too long kiss over my pulse on my left hand. It was not pretty. There are traces and marks of dirty lines, deep cuts were once there. Cutting had once been my drug and Jaehyun helped me get through it a lot. If I can treasure Taeyong's flaw.. so can he.

He rubs the fading scars gently and as we lock eyes one more time, our bodies involuntarily move again and the night is long.

We climbed up and down our ecstasy, letting all of our feelings go out. Sweet was there, anger raged there, tears were flowing out of our eyes, we let out all of our emotions out and cleans the mess up with a sweet round. We always bring our emotions to bed and to finish them, a round full of praises and love will drives the two of us to dream land and be the reason our chain link strengthen.

It isnever easy watching Taeyong beside pretty and perfect "Barbie dolls". He too did not find it easy whenever someone flirts with me when I did their hair and clothes. Working for a model company and as a model itself, sometimes make Taeyong's blood boils.

The bed becomes our war zone and paradise. Thanks to this activity we always did whenever we felt we've kept too much.. we can go stronger each day.

"I love you Tae, don't be sorry alone. I am also sorry for not considering your tight schedule." I reach out for his hand after we descended our high together.

"You're a true understanding angel. It's not wrong the guys call you angel. And I am your Mr. Demon, but I'm really sorry you always end up like this."Taeyong smirks.

"Yeah. Anyways, we can't live without one another. And I always enjoys ending up at the bed like this with you. This is a real pain and pleasure experience. I got to say other couples have to try this." I trace abstract lines over his chest.

He giggles a bit from the feeling and returns my action by drawing circles on my sweaty back "What? Try to get half drunk and rock their bed while releasing each other's stress? And then wrapping up with a sweet round? I guess we might as well make a video out of it and be the nice example." Taeyong chuckles and pulls me closer to him. His legs intertwine mine and I punch him for his ideas.

"You want other people seeing my body? Gosh! You don't even let me take the offers for an underwear photo shoot." I rise my eyebrow judging.

He bites his lips and drags his hand lower to my back.

"That's because many men will use you to get off. And I don't like that. Gosh... don't you know how hard was it for me to control myself when you show up in that black dress earlier only with my outer coat. Don't you see the fire In their eyes." Taeyong pouts upon mentioning this.

"And earlier you said you want to make a cam about our activity. I'm confused.. so do you actually want to share me or not." I laugh and Taeyong quickly shuts me with a kiss.

"Never. I was kidding. You're mine and only mine to see touch and feel. You're my precious." He clings into me like a koala to a tree.

I rub his hair and bury my face over his crook of shoulder. Inhaling his scent, I found my peace back. All of my anger and disappointment is gone as we did one round full of rage earlier.. and now I found my peace back as my eyelids grew heavier.

"Sleep tight my cherry-bomb. Happy 2 years anniversary." Taeyong fixes the blanket over us and we both sleep well.

The sun shyly peeks from my window shades and after much tossing and turning, we cannot find a position where the sun ray did not burn our eyes. We failed. So we wake up... have our nice bath together.. Another quick round and finally sit for breakfast. It's Sunday and Taeyong has his free day. We ignore our phone since last night and just enjoy catching up with one another over a warm glass of coffee and smooth pancakes. Taeyong sits on his stool and his hand reaches for a new magazine lying in the table. Gosh I forgot to keep my latest magazine. I pray Taeyong did not notice anything.. or did not even open the pages. But he did. I mean there's no reason he did not check a fashion book. He's always following trends and modes.

True enough I hear him turning the pages and stops on one image. I waitor his reaction and voila!

"What is this photo shoot for?" He always asks the same question: whenever he saw a picture of me and a male model.

"Umm.. the dress of course." I answer him, still not facing him

"This?" he points at the photo.. I turn around and see my latest photo shoot. Woah it's nice though.

"A wedding photo shoot Tae.. you never forbid me in taking one right?" I flip the last pancake and transfer it to the plate with arranged fruits.

"Yeah yeah... I want to do that too!" he pouts as he flip the next pages and found more.

"You did this many!" he shakes his head

"Well, you can ask your manager..and maybe get one for yourself."

"No! I mean the real one... not with a model.. not for a magazine. Us.. our wedding picture." He smirks and I freeze in my place with face as red as a brick.

He closes the book, pushes it aside and grabs his fork to start digging in.

"I'm looking up for more breakfast like this with you. Remember that, my goal is a wedding picture with you. Now, good morning my cherry-bomb. Thanks for last night." He speaks as he puts in a mouthful of the pancake and berries.

"Stop making me blush. It's still too early." I lose my cool.

"It's ten.. quite not early. But I'm in for more Sundays like this." Taeyong winks and I have to look elsewhere to make my heart beat slower.

The morning continues with more cheesy lines and soft side of Taeyong shown. I got to admit this is why I fall in love with him every day. There seems to be more and more things that I found out about him and his charms.

"To the man I love now and forever, Lee Taeyong, cheers" I bring my coffee cup to bump his.

"To the woman I love now til forever meets a long time! Wait for me to make us a home." He bumps the mug and we drink our bitter sweet coffee.

--

It's afternoon and I am working on the modification of NCT's comeback clothes when my phone buzzed. Taeyong is busy across me gluing patches to the jackets.

I reach for my phone and see a pop up message from Jaehyun

"Did he go bomb or cherry? ;;) "

I bite my lips as I quickly reply

"He went highway to Heaven."

"Aw man I lose."

"What? What did you bet now.."

"Johnny said it will be Bomb.. I said Cherry.. and Doyoung won. Gosh how unlucky are we."

"Well congrats to my rabbit prince. What are you losing Jae?"

"House chores for the whole week. Okay enjoy your time."

"who's that?" Taeyong has been waiting for me to drop my phone. He looks curious and a bit annoyed. We agreed to not use the phone at all until Monday..

"Sorry.. it's Jaehyun"

"and.. what did he say?" Taeyong sounds cool. He knew Jaehyun and me are only friends. And he trusts Jaehyun with all his heart: he even wished he was his brother.

"He asked if yesterday was Cherry or Bomb.." I reply while fixing my eyes on the jacket in front of me. It's Winwin's costume and I need to decorate his.

"uh-huh.. and.." Taeyong bites his lips. He's also curious what I think about last night.

"Highway to Heaven Tae," I wink at him and he hypes up. He acts like he win a Nobel prize and suddenly returns to his cool image.

"that's hot. Accurate. Now we should stop flirting if we want to finish the jackets and have another round. Tell me how you would like it." He bites his lips and shoots me his hand.

"Stop it Tae! I can't concentrate." I close my eyes and take several deep breathes.

"Arraseo.. just tell me okay." He winks and then focuses on his work.. while secretly giggling at how I am super red right now.

"Ah yeah, I love you darling!" he blows me a kiss and acts back to his thinking mode.

He is modifying his own jacket and I'm pretty sure he wants it to be perfect. So I let him stay silent while I finish the rest too.

'We'll take the Highway to Heaven!"

[lycheesodas]

Different anon but I'm interested in that list 👀

aaaaa ok!! here we go

from the / tag:

Beneath a Young Sun and in the Eagle's Shadow by Strigimorphaes, G, 5.2k words

Beleg has been away for some time, guarding the border, killing orcs and generally living the rough life. Meanwhile, Mablung has been staying at Doriath's court. Once reunited, they are sent away to the Mereth Aderthad, but despite being headed for a joyful feast, Beleg still sees danger everywhere. Mablung tries to convince him that for once, there is some hope for this strange, changed world - and a chance for a peaceful moment or two in the wilderness.

We’re starting off with my favourite!! The entire atmosphere here is just so dreamy, so whimsical.. I love it. Pretty serious but also fluffy! And optimistic ; w ;

Hurry with the swift current by LiveOakWithMoss, T, 1k words

Beleg is foolish, Mablung is furious, both are wet.

Short! Cute! Really funny aljsdfk this is so,, in character for them imo. The last line always fckin HITS

The Black Sword by elfscribe for tehta, M, 12.4k words

Mablung sees a strange portent that causes him to fear that his beloved friend Beleg's affection for Túrin, the self-exiled young warrior, could bring grief to them all.

One of two (2) fics on this list with a rating higher than T. Missing scene, canon-compliant so.. a lot of angst. I normally don’t read first person POV but this is really quite good! It’s one of the longer fics that take on their last parting ; ~ ; and I think the author did an excellent job of exploring their feelings and how they each came to their decision on what to do. Also, just putting it out there, the M rating is for a short smut scene in mid chapter 2.

(Uhh there was another one but I think the author has it set on private now 😭)

Moving on to the & tag!! Because friendship fics also slap

All The King's Horses by Nauthril, M, 44.3k words

Beleg felt, more than saw the projectile that struck with a sickening thuck sound into the larger part of his thigh. Someone cried out in pain and surprise, and he vaguely realized it may have been him.

The Elf went to yank the dart from his leg, only to find that it was barbed, designed to let its venom overwhelm the victim before it could be quickly removed. The more subtle effects of the spike were nearly immediate, effecting his fine motor skills.

His right thigh burned fiercely with every pulse of his heart.

Fighting the urge to keep his own two feet from tangling with his steps, the Beleg made every effort to at least stand upright.

Or:

Beleg fails to return to Menegroth for Túrin’s birthday celebration. Mablung and Túrin set out to find him and bring him home.

A LONG FIC.. A LONG, CHAPTERED FIC!!!!! I felt like I won the lottery when I saw this hrhfsldfjk It’s an action adventure with multiple POV’s and it’s just really freakin good ok, I am absolutely living for that resolution in chapter 7. The relationship between all three main characters are handled really well! I think it’s gonna be part of a series too so HYPE!!! I wish there was like a follow or subscribe button on ao3 so I’ll know when the author would upload next ; 0 ; (EDIT: THERE IS ONE BUT I JUST NEVER FUCKING SAW IT LMFAO) Also, mind the warning tags here! Slight spoiler: it was an original side character so it wasn’t very front and centre but it could still bother some people

A Quiet Moment by Nauthril, G, 1.6k words

A Yuletide fic for the season. Beleg returns from the Northern Marches and shares some quiet moments with Mablung.

I know tis not the season but it’s so cute.. And honestly it’s immersive enough to make you feel like it’s actually Christmas! The banter, the gift exchange, the way they’re so comfortable with each other ; w ; This warms my heart <3

Parting by @glowingmechanicalheart right here on tumbler dot com

It’s literally six sentences but they’re such efficient sentences. It’s so clear and so sad because we know what happened in the end ; ~ ; it’s really what I was trying to convey with this piece!

The next two are by the same author on AO3!

Battle Worn But Going Home by GlowingMechanicalHeart, T, 1k words

The battle rages, hard and brutal. And it’s going to end badly, Mablung can tell already. Something feels off, like Belegûr is holding back, mocking their armies and their dead. Beleg stands side to side with him, and that is a comforting thought for him.

And then it happens, a betrayal from their own side and the battle grows worse.

Everything about the Fifth Battle is just pain...... I always wondered how those two handled it, though :0 And this fic gives us a glimpse of that. I really like how this author handles Mablung’s POV!

Mourning a Friend by GlowingMechanicalHeart, T, ~700 words

Mablung does his best to not to worry, if anyone can take care of himself, it’s Beleg. But his thoughts and emotions betray him, his whole being is screaming at him that Beleg is in danger, to run forth, find his friend and bring him to the safety of Doriath.

THIS FIC. I’M- I HAVE NO WORDS JUST READ IT 😭 Incredibly sad but well-written take on how Mablung finds out about Beleg’s death. Absolutely heartbreaking, I love it.

Now for some stuff outside the relationship tags because I'm literally that desperate.

Within a Dark Wood by Marchwriter, T, 7.7k words

"The tale of Túrin is known to many of this company… but…tonight is not the night to tell it. So I will tell you another tale. One that, perhaps, not even the eldest amongst our little company has yet heard." So the storyteller began…

Story within a story, which is always cool imo! Follows Beleg and Mablung from their first meeting to their last parting and a little bit after Beleg’s death ; w ; THE YEARNING..... it’s palpable. This one really tugs at my heartstrings because it made me think of what could have been (within the scope of the fic) if they’d just been honest with their feelings

The Two Hunters by theeventualwinner for Lunarium, G, 1.3k words, no summary ;;

Cute friendship fic!! Somehow full of hope in a time when the dark forces are growing. I like how it captures the difference in their personalities and approach towards life(?) but how they’re still close friends

And that’s basically my full reading list of my favourite marchwardens! They’re such an underrated pair (as best friends?? boyfriends? either way they’re soulmates 😤) that there’s not a lot of fics about them. I do my best with creating my own content but I’m more of an artist than a writer XD But they’re really starting to force my hand here. 

I hope you guys enjoy my recs! Also, thanks anon and previous anon for reminding me to log back in to my AO3 account so I can leave a proper review soon 💀

[berri-hopefulspouse]

for whatever you want! 📌 💕 💔 🏳‍🌈 🍀 (I tried very hard to limit myself...)

Genshin Impact time it is then 👀👀 Under readmore tho cuz this is LONG ndfjsjdjsjdd

📌 how did you find your hyperfixation?

I heard of it initially around the launch date of the game, however I remember that I wasn't very interested at first due to the gacha aspect of Genshin. Mostly just because, usually, gacha games don't appeal to me too much. However, when you and a few streamers I watched started getting into it, I started to get a bit curious. Then, one night while bored, I watched one of them stream the game. And I saw just how beautiful the art style and graphics were...and I knew I had to at least give it a try.

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

Why must you make me pick one- /j

I feel like I've rambled about Aether & Venti enough to you about why they're my favorites, so let's do Albedo!

Albedo is just??? Literally such a sweet bean. He struggles with loneliness, and isolation, likely due to both his dedication to his studies and his general "colder" scientific disposition. He struggles with the inner apathy in him, that wants to destroy everything in the name of alchemy, and yet he wants so badly to be good. He wants so badly for someone to just save him. And I want to save him from that, even if it means just spending a little time each day making sure he feels seen and loved like he deserves. Not seen just as a great alchemist, or a teacher, or even an artist- but seen as a person. A person with their own struggles, issues, and feelings.

Story quirks and personality aside, he's also just??? So fucking pretty???? Im not even usually into blondes but this game really do be hitting different for me. I just wanna tousle his hair and braid it and see what it would look like if he had his hair down. Plus!!! His eyes!!! Are so soft!!! So focused!!! On everything he does!!! He just seems like someone who could be so graceful and delicate with everything he does, but due to his occupation, he's simply calculated and careful.

Not to mention Klee???? Klee!!!! Big brother Albedo taking care of his baby sister!!!! I just sjcndhxjsjchd aAAAA why am I such a softie for people who are just So Good with kids.

💔 tell us about one of your LEAST favorite characters and why you dislike them.

Okay, I won't lie, the characters I actively dislike are few and far between- but I do have a couple. Most for petty reasons, so I'll talk about someone with an actual justified reason.

ALBERT. MY GUY. YOU FUCKING BASTARD. LEAVE BARBRA ALONE!!! Stop trying to be the r/niceguy for the love of god the secondhand embarrassment ALONE is enough to make me hate you, let alone the fact that because of the recent event you made her CRY?! AND THINK THE WORST??? LIKE! I will LITERALLY send you into Cider lake, do not FUCKING TEST ME! I hope karma brings you fucking justice soon. Like! I know obsessive. But I at least don't fucking stalk people and basically threaten that "the most precious thing to you" is stolen! MDXJSJDAAAAUGH!

This mans frustrates me so INEXPLICABLY MUCH. I will YEET HIM.

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

I always have some headcanons,,,

Aether goes by he/they pronouns, but doesn't exactly put a label on it.

Albedo is ND as fuck. Whether it be ADD or somewhere on the autism spectrum I don't know quite yet, but he's on there somewhere.

Venti has little nose freckles... and a few on his knees from the sun.

Aether is demisexual as hell, while Albedo is just gay as fuck.

(More confirmed but still putting it here anyway) Venti being okay with any pronouns! He don't really care!!!

Barbra being the one to give Ren confidence in their gender & sexuality, just like they did for her 🥰

[Citrus TM Minors Beware]

Aether is a switch, but prefers soft dom, while Albedo is usually a dom. Whether soft or hard really do depend on the level of Brat Ren is showing that day.

Aeth probably has a hair pulling thing. And Albedo probably loves overstim.

Neither of them expect the hell-list Ren has in terms of what they're into.

🍀 do you have any kins or comfort characters from your hyperfixation?

I have some of both!

Comfort charas: Albedo, Aether, Venti, Barbra, and Ganyu

Kins: Sucrose, probably Bennett.

Bonus! Gender Envious: Xiao, Venti, Albedo, Venti, Ganyu, Venti, Diluc, V e n t i-

Thank for the ask Creame! 🥺

[livcosmos]

CHAIN OF GOLD booktalk

You guys I can't even... that was oh my God soooo good. I know I always say this but I don’t even know where to start like there was so much going on and ahahahha I loved it so incredebly much!!! I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read it because I thought that it would be to painful because of my love Jem but I am sooooo incredebly glad I did read it and I can’t wait for the next book I am fraking out so hard I need to know what happens kjkjkjkjk... Can it please be March already???Please!!! I had so much fun reading it, it gave all the feelings from laughing out loud to screaming and crying and wanting to throw the book out the window, it was amazing! It was so intense!! I also want to say how much respect I have for this woman she created such an amazing world with such amazing characters and she never stops to amaze me she never disappoints! I want to thank her once again for everything!!! She is a freaking genius!!! Now let’s get started!

Ok I think I’m going to start with my boy Matthew, he was and is my aboulute favourite, I knew he was going to be from the moment I read the short story about him in “Ghosts of the Shadow Market”, cause yes apperently I have a weakness for sad damaged boys, my hearth breaks for him and I just want him to be happy more than everything he is such a sweeatherat and I am so so scared that something is going to happen to him I saw some theires about him... I’m telling you if something happpens to him I burning the world down if I may quote Sebastian!

Through the whole book I was screaming for more parts from his point of few because I needed and I stilll need to know exactly what he is thinking and what he is feeling I need that so bad and when we finally got the first tiny part from his point of few the one with Grace... I am going to talk about that...girl in a miunte... first I started crying cause I was so happy but than of course that bitch, I’m sorry I normaly never swar but oh my Lord I hate Grace and the things I said to her God forgive me, had to ruin it and hhjhfjfgfgf poor Matthew! I really hope Magnus helps him, our sweet Maguns our mother Theresa bless his soul I love how he is always there to help and all my hope is in him that he helps Matthew too as he helped Will, I am so happy he is present and in the action, let’s be honest what would be a Shadowhunter book without him seriosly now?

As I mentioned Will, first his parenting omg is helarious😂😂 I love him so much! And second of all Matthew remeinds me so much of him and I really really hope Matthew finds his light as Will did!

Matthew needs to talk to someone about what happend he needs to talk about it and frogive himself for what he did ahhh it breaks my hearth to see him suffering! When he told Thomas and Lucie about what Alastair said as mean as it sounds cause I do felt really sorry for Alastair in that moment, I was glad Matthew said at least a part of what is so heavy on his hearth, I mean he didn’t said what he did because of the rumor Alaister speed but it was a step forward in my opinion! AAAHHH and I read the things we can expect in Chain of Iron and that he probably is going to tell Cordelia what he did aaahhhh... bless him I am so excited to see what happens!!!!

Heres is the thing, this is probably an rather unpopular opinion but even tho I of course ship James and Cordelia, I mean obviosly they are made for each other there is no doubt in that, but there is still a part of me that ships Matthew with Cordelia.... I mean THE DRAMA, I know but ahhh and I read that they are going to be very close in Chain of Iron and aaaaaa I can’t say it often enough how freaking excited I am for that book!!!!! I loved the easiness in their conversations, they always were somehow comfortable around each other and the dance at the ball tho omg that was something, I loved it so much!! How they danced together and talked that was the moment I started shipping them!!!

And here’s another thing, I also shipped Matthew with Lucie like... hgckgfgfk don’t get me wrong I love Jesse and I do ship Jesse with Lucie, like how could I not and bless him when he gave his last breath for James how couldn’t I love him? I cried so much reading that scene! How could I not ship him with Lucie they are also made for each other but than agian Matthew and Lucie ... that would be interesting I mean now it’s obviosly never going to happen because Matthew is over her but still! And my hearth BROKE like it litterly shattered when James talked to Lucie about Matthew and she was like yeah but I don’t like him in that way... Like girl I love you you’re amaizing but what is wrong with you? We are talking about MATTHEW FREAKING FARICHILD here !!!!! Oh or at that part where she was talking to Matthew and she literatly called him a drunk, like yeah he do has that problem but she didn’t had to be so harsh! I loved tho how much Matthew cared for Lucie how he was concerned about her well being he is so sweet!!!! But I guess have a more brother and sister relationship, unfortunately.

The only thing I fear is that Matthew is goin to end up alone because obviosly James and Cordelia and Lucie and Jesse will stay togetehr forever, and I don’t want my baby to be alone forever! I read that there is a new charachter in Chain of Iron, a girl from Italy maybe she will be the perfect match for my Matthew? Who knows?

Another thing I ablolutely fraking love about Matthew is also that he loves fashion and that he carse about how he dressed and oh my lord he is wering RINGS!!!! like ok every Shadowhunter has their family ring but he is wearing other rings too and he has so much style!!!! He owend my hearth anyway but those things made him even more lovebale for me ahhhhhh and the fact that he is fangirling over Magnus.... omg!!! And of couse the fact that he loves reading I mean yeah Jamie and Lucie they also love reading and I love them for that too but the fact that he is reading in combination whit his other traids... he went right up on the second place of my book boyfriedns list!!! And of couse his dog, I love Oscar even tho he didn’t apear that much but aaaaa how he tried to save Matthew when they were attaced ...my hearth. And the fact itself that he named his dog after his favourite author.... just... I always love an artist boy but Matthew is something else! He can’t quite reach Jem because Jem to me is more that everything but he is right behid him! Jem is the love of my life and Matthew is my soulmate how about that,that seams sounds good.😂😂

As I already mentioned my biggest love of all times Jem, I also have to say a few words about him! So I cryed so much at that part when he came to see Will after his parents died, I was so emotional and ahhhhh every time they all were like oncle Jem here onlce Jem there... I had tears in my eyes I always cry for Jem and and he owns my hearth forever and ever, his faith always makes me cry, how sad he must have been all this years... how sad... finally seeing him happy with Tessa and Mina makes me more than happy and again I am warning everyone here if anything happens to him in the Wicked Powers anything... to him or Mina... I’m going to react even worse than if anything happens to Matthew!!! Oh and another thing I can hadle “oncle Jem”, it hurts but I except it, “cousin Jem” tho is a whole other level tho.. that I can’t handle it’s so wired omg it’s so wired that Cordelia is Jem’s cousin ....and overall it is wired to see all of them as parents not only Will and Tessa but also Cecily and Gabriel, Sophie and Gideon ahhhh my hearth, knowing everything they have been through and now seeing them have kids...but than it was also so interesting and funny and I loved that they were there but that they let the children do their own thing, that even tho they were present they weren’t the focus of the book. AH and I loved how Magnus was like: “I am going to help you all but if something goes wrong I am going to tell your parents!”, I love that he is so close to Tessa and Will everytime I think about the fact that he and Tessa are so close to this day ahhhhh....so sweet!!!

And now that I mentioned Mina I have to say this too, I how painfull must it be for Tessa and Jem and even Maguns to have seen all those beautiful children James, Lucie, Matthew all of the live, and love and grow and than die! Like it hurts me so much because I learnd to love them all so much and I am sitting here screaming at every on of them to stay alive and don’t die but than if you thing about it they are all already dead.... and that hurts and if that hurts me how must Tessa and Jem feel, who have seen them every day.... that is so incredebly sad and it breaks my heart! And than I think about the fact that Jem is now also going to die ant some point and Mina too and I can’t even think about it that is unbareble for me I don’t want to think about a world without my Jemmy in it!!

Anyway coming back to this book I think it’s time to talk about our manipulative, annoying, mean, evil, I fraking hate her so much, Grace Blackthorn.... aaahhhhh were do I start......I KNEW IT from the very beginning!!!!!! The moment, the moment James metioned that damned bracelet the first time I knew that there was something wired about it, I knew it had some kind of influence over him I knew it and than she came andjbsdhbfsdhfbsdhf I can’t even I am sooooo mad soooo sooooo mad!!!! I love Jamie, I realy do and I know it’s not his fault but still I am also a little mad at him that he let himself get triecked by that lunatic!!!!! I was so happy and releaved when she took that bracelet back from him I was so happy that she was finally out of the picture and I also was sooooooooo happy he realised even a little bit that there was something wrong and that he didn’t actualy loved Grace and that he actually has feelings for Cordelia!!!! Because my god Cordelia was there first he liked Cordelia first when she read to him when he was ill, that was so sweet and he had a crush on her but didn’t realise it and than the lunatic came and gave him that freaking bracelet, and she said herslf that James was obviosly crushing over Cordelia but of cousre she is a manipulative bitch and she made him take that bracelet and than made him wear it ahhhhh bsdgfkjhgfkhgljkg

It was a trap from the very beginning and I had red flags all over in my head flying around the moment she first apeared, of couse I felt sorry for her, because of the other lunatic, her mother, and I thought that it’s not her fault that she was raised by Tatiana and that she maybe has a little good in her but noooooooooooo she knows what she is doing!!! Even if Tatiana made her do some of the the evil things she not only agree to do them she also made her own bad bad bad things!!!!! God I hate her so much!!!  It was a trap for James the moment Tatiana came and was like “Can you plese help me cut the throns?” nooooo he can’t!!!!! Get out!!!! James should have sensed that there was something wired going on, but bless him his heart is to good to sense that!!!

I love how Matthew never liked Grace and that scene with her when they talked I got sooo mad so so mad!!!! I love Matthew but he needs to tell James or even Cordelia about what Garce said and did!!! And Matthew how could you let them alone at the end how??? When I read that part, when the evil thing but the bracelet back on James’s wrist I was beyond furios that was the last bit, I wanted to throw the book on a wall!!! vfsdjhfgdhjsgfdshgfsh!!!!! And pleaseeeeeee someoneeee I don’t care if it is Matthew or Cordelia or anyone elese PLEASE TAKE THAT DAMED BRACELET OF JAMES!!!!!! They must see that there is something about that bracelet please please please Magnus, anyone plese!!!

According to the family tree from Clockwork Princess our Miss Grace is going to be with Christopher PLESE NO! Christopher is to good for her, he is too nice he deserves something better than Grace I love Christiopher plese don’t let her ruin him! I know that that family tree isn’t reliable but still I went in fulll on detectiv Mode through the whole book checking that tree  and making theories and everything!!!! And I need some awnsers!!!!

When Barbara died ( I didn’t know her that well but she seamed so nice I liked her and I fell so sorry for Sophie and Gideon!!!) an alarm in my head went on because in the epiloge of Clockwork Princess, when Will died they said that Sophie’s girls where there and I was like nooo there is a mistake how?? How can Sophie’s girls be at Will’s death of Barbara just died!And than it occured to me that Cassie changed her mind and decided to kill Barbara then, we can’t trust anything!!! Anything is opssible anything can happen and I am so scared!!!!

Returining to Grace and Tatiana.... why on earth does no one acknowledge that Tatiana is mad??? She is wearing the same dress she wore when her husband died every freaking day??!! They must see that there is something wrong with her! And letting her adopt a child who she obviosly ruined is another crazy thing!!!! Why does no one see that??? Why??? James sweetheath the moment you met Grace you should have run to Tessa and and tell her that crazy Tatiana is keeping a girl in that run down house!! He would have done a good thing for her if he had told anyone about her but than again Grace is crazy herself and maybe she would have stabed everyone in the Institute in the middle of the night! And Tatiana is now going to the Iron Sisters and I am so freaking scared of what she is going to do...

Poor Jesse she seams so nice comapred to his crazy mother and sister how can he be so nice when they are so out of thier minds??? I am dying to know how Lucie is going to bring him back to life, God forbid Grace makes her do something to carzy I mean it is crazy enough they want to bring Jesse back with necromacie and I guess it runs in the family *cough cough Ty* to bring back the dead but I fear joing Grace in this thing isn’t good for Lucie! Omg but I loved that scene where Lucie compared Jesse to Snow White that was hilarious.😂😂😂

Speaking of Luice I really love her, I love that she wants to be a writer, I love how Tessa and Will teached their children to love books! And Lucie she is so funny and god she and Matthew would have been so beautiful together... but again she is made for Jesse and as I also like him may they be happy together! I also have to say that she gave me especially in the beginning Anne with an E vibes she kind of reminder me of Anne.

Quick thing about James I want to learn more about his power with the shadow realm and also about Lucie’s obviously but I have to say that in the beginning when he was constantly jumping throw the realms... that reminder me soooo hard of Stranger Things!!!😂 I know it’s crazy but here me out, to me it sounded so much like The Upside Down and James reminder me of Will from Stranger Things like I don’t know maybe I’m just crazy but I also imagined that one demon the one from the greenhouse who multiplied looked like that thing from Strager Things who also left those baby monsters everywhere!😂😂

I think it’s time for Cordelia now, but before I go on with her I want to also say a word about Alastair. So I can’t forgive him because of what he did to Matthew and I am still not sure if I like him but I do understand him now. I loved seeing this other side of him, seeing him somehow vulnerable and I loved that he cares about Cordelia and that in a wiered way he truly is a good brother to her! And I do understand even tho that doesn’t excuse his actions, why he was so mean and that it was all because he was alone and feard to be bullyed and that in some messed up way it was because of his dad. I do beleve there is good in him and I am so here for him chainging into a good person and apologiseing for what he did and said that hurt others. Speaking of his father tho... I don’t now what to think about him... he didn’t want to se Jem after he became a Silent Brother even tho he was his only relative.... I think that says enogh about him... I am curios tho to see how he is when he cames back in Chain of Iron. Ahhhh and if we are already at it... Sona... I didn’t like her in the beginng she was so stiff and somewhat mean but that thowords the end I stated to sympathise her I felt sorry for her in a way and I realised that she only wanted her children to be well.

Oh God and also the other big thing that made me go into a next level detective mode was Cortana, because.... so Cortana belongs to Cordelia, it belongs to the Carstairs family AND it remains in the Carstairs family because Emma has it and her father a Carstairs gave it to her.... and if we check the family tree John Carstairs Emma’s father is Alastair’s son BUT and here comes the big thing how is that possible first that Alastair has a son ( maybe he adopted???) and than second how is it possible that Cortana remained in the Carstairs family because if Cordelia marries regardeless if it is James or not, the sword isn’t going to remain in the Carstairs familly unless Cordelia decides for whatever reason that she wants to give HER SWORD the sword that CHOSE HER to her nephew and not to her own child??!!! What is going on??? I want to know??? How does Cortana remain in the Carstairs family HOW??? I am so intrigued I want to know this so badly!!!

Now that we have that of the table we can talk about Cordelia, so first I love how she is friends with Lucie, I do want to see more of their friendship tho! I do like her, I wan’t sure in the beginning because in the beginning she was so focused on her father and on making a good inpresion that I don’t konw.. but than I learned to love her, I love how fearless she is and how she loves her friends and risks her life for them, she is so great! And I love her with James, I do like all the drama with Matthew ahhh but she and James they need to be toghether! At the end when she “saved him” from Tatiana’s acusation I was like “GIRLS WAHT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU INSAINE???” but than I understood that that is just how she is, she protects her loved ones and I love her for that! But damn it hurt so much when James said that he doesn’t love her because of that fraking bracelet ahhhh my heath poor Cordelia!!!! James do loves her he does he just neds to take that damed thing of his wrist and they can be togehter!!! It is so obvious and after the Whisper Room thing like people you could have stoped but you didn’t just please talk about your feelings!!! But no our evil Grace neded to come with her bracelet!!! I have to honest from the moment she put that thing back on his hand till the very end I felt sick I felt like I was going to throw up that’s how much the whole situation shaked me.😂😂

And if there is one thing I leared this summer from the books I read, especialy this and Again but Better, it’s that for god’s sake you should always say what you feel when you feel it regardeless of the conseconces just tell the people you love that you love them because there is so much to lose if you don’t! So much can happen not within days but within hours, like for example crazy Grace putting on a bewiched bracelet on your crush, and you will regrett not have said it before when you had the chance! I am so excited to see how this fake marriage thing goes, it’s definitely going to be very interesting! 

Ah and another thing I loved about this book is the friendship between all of the cousins! I love how close they all are, that they grew up togetehr and that they are so close it so beautiful! I love the Merry Thieves and I love how they now included the girls ( I don’t know what I feel about the new Italian girl I need to meet her before I approve her into the group) and I love how everyone is everyones cousin even tho they are not actualy cousins and ahhhhh the friendship between Anna and Matthew their trips to the Hell Ruelle omg I live for that!!! I love how they meet at the Devil Tavern and plan their moves, it so beautiful! I love that Tessa and Will and all the parents made their children all grow up together making them grow so close!!! They are one big family!

Thomas I haven’t said anything about him yet, I love him I realy like him and I love how close he is particlary to Christopher! I love how kind he is and I also love how like his father he went to Madrird. And I love Anna, I love how observent she is, that she sensed a wiredness between James and Cordelia and I love how she gifted Cordelia all those dressed like omg!

Ah and I also do need to say how much I dislike Charles, like how was it possible that out of such nice people as Charlotte and Henry (I loved seeing Henry again in this book bless him) somone so awful as Charles can come out? I rellly don’t like him! Not that Ariadne cared but how could he leave her while she was dying? Who does that? I guess he truly deserves to be with Grace tho I feel sorry for Charlotte and Henry to have to welcome her into the family!

I sorry this booktalk got so long but had a lot to say and I still have a few more things to say one of which is about the London quarantine in this book, like the irony in it the fact thate we were all in quaratine when this book came out is just... I couldn’t ’t belive my eyes when I read it! Overall I love that the book took place in London, London is my favourite city in the world and returning there through this book esspecial at the time ahhh it was perfect, I loved returing to the London Institute, I loved the dresses andthe fashion everything! I loved the way they all spoke and they sayings it was all so perfect!

This book was just everything I needed right now and I am more than gald that I decided to read it! I can’t let it go yet tho I am still to attached to everything my crush on Matthew is still buring bright and I can’t let it and I don’t want to let it fade! I’m also more than excited for Chain of Iron, March can’t come soon enogh! I dying to see what happens and how all this drama is going to be solved!

Oh goodness and I almost forgot thanks to everyone who makes Shdowhunter memes, esspecally the ones about Chain of Gold like really they make my day! I am sometimes sitting for hours looking at them laughing!😂😂Some of them are pure gold! Thank you!

And I also want to thank everyone who came this far and read all of this you are true legends!

[emeraldtawny]

Wow I have to say that I adore you and your blog as always... It's been solid months but to find that you're still here and writing for otome games honestly makes me very happy. also it's hilarious to find that our taste in faves still seem to be really similar lmao. I love your thoughts on Dazai!!! Because that's honestly something I've been thinking about myself since the moment I started playing Ikevamp hahaha. I love how interested and knowledgable you are concerning the IRL people (1/?)

Jsjsxjksksbdms AAAAAA ANON!!! It’s always so encouraging when my dumb ramblings get a response like this. I have the biggest smile on my face right now, thank you so much hdbdkndjs. And may I say...TASTE ANON, TASTE!! Excellent choice in 2D men, she says with incredible bias bdjdndk. You are very right in your assumption of Satan being my fave OM boi...I love him ;w;

Aaaaa idk what to say to this other than jdjdkxhjdnfkejxkdnckdmjs????? I just really like finding parallels between IRL and fiction when a character is based off of a person who actually existed in our world. And the fact that at least one other person likes listening to me yelling about usually very depressing IRL lives just because I’m curious of how accurate the company wrote their fictional counterpart is...very humbling. Gives me them warm fuzzies uwu.

And anon, I feel you on the whole “leaving him until last” part. Gotta keep ramping up that angst every time and make us cry ;w; makes me super nervous for Sebas’ eventual route, like how on earth are they gonna make him sad? They have complete free reign to destroy us jfndjdnkd. And yes to the recommend route order type deal. That’s why I like games like these that slowly open up routes and make it very distinguishable of the order they want you to play it in. But with Dazai especially, all we’ve gotten so far is crumbs, and we’ll continue to only get tiny morsels until a bit later. Was it on purpose for his elusive character? Did Cybird genuinely forget he existed until they dropped his route? Who knows hfnkdjdkdkd.

I honestly have no idea of the “rival” for Dazai. Since there’s now new characters (Vlad, Charles Henri Sanson and Johann Georg Faust), it could be one of them (many MANY hints pointing to Charles on this front). I don’t want to hold out hope for any rival in particular otherwise I’ll get too sweeped up into it, but GOD if it was Sakunosuke or ofc Chuuya for those who knew BSD before IkeVamp lmao. That being said, I won’t know until I play his route...and I don’t plan on playing it until English release. so imma sit here simmering on my theories and my angst for like 2 years hdndkdkd.

I think I’ve rambled enough now. Thank you for enabling me to scream into the void, lovely anon. Thank you for your continued support, silent or otherwise (though I love being screamed at, I must admit hfjdndkdk). Hope you have a lovely day~