#I hope it shows that I don’t have a high opinion of rei regarding the ammr proj

[ecstaticasusual]

Honobono & Miden the mute Amemura 5

[letitrainathousandflames]

I'm sorry, I've clearly missed something, but could you kindly explain to me why exactly there's a blacklist going around, and why you want to be on it?

No no, I don’t wanna be in it. Or rather, I don’t mind, really. Here’s the deal, antis, aka people that don’t know how to differentiate fiction from reality apparently made a dainty list w/ blogs that post ship content pairing clones w/ other clones flagging it as “incest”, which is a bit ridiculous since they’re clones, not literal brothers.

But that’s not all! Last I’ve heard, this goes along with much more serious accusations, like racism/pedophilia, as if you could equate liking shipping fictional characters to real-life bigotry. It’s surreal.

The wackiest thing about it all is that I barely ever reblog clone/clone content here (I have a sideblog for that, @cloneshipping , since I know some people don’t dig the clone/clone stuff), and for some ungodly reason I got put on that list.

My opinion about the whole thing is that the people making these kind of lists are engaging with fandom in a way that they’re constantly looking for issues and things to be angry about, and things to accuse others of, and looking avidly for content they hate rather than content they enjoy.

I’m not on a high horse or anything here, I actually used to engage in fandom this way for a long time before I realized how draining and negative it felt; it was like I was always angry and never pleased with anything.

I was so busy bashing rey/kylo (a ship I still hate btw) that I was unable to enjoy the parts of Star Wars I really liked like the prequels and tcw. I wasted so much energy writing essay-long posts about why “X ship promotes abuse” I didn’t even realize I was trapped in a terribly abusive relationship with my ex.

I was so obsessed about fictional problems of fictional worlds regarding fictional characters, and with telling others how to consume media content the way I deemed right, that fandom became a place of anger and nagging rather than one of joy and community.

Now I just… don’t care. And I’m so much happier now that I don’t care anymore. I have time + energy to interact with the parts of fandom I like, to talk w/ people that ship what I ship, and whenever I find content I don’t enjoy? The block button is right there. Boop. Gone. Goodbye.

“Ah but enjoying/making content of this abusive ship normalizes abuse” shut up. A consenting reader clicking on a tagged non-con fic is way different from a teen watching the thousandth movie where rape scenes are filmed sexily and stalking men are shown as dreamy partners are. Go scream at actual show runners/directors, not small fandom creators.

“Ah but x content is problematic” so are horror movies, we as humans like to play in a safe sandbox of fiction to experience feelings or horror, fear, shame, etc safely and causing no harm to others. I hate body horror. I don’t go screaming at every body horror blog here to stop posting - I simply blacklisted “body horror/” and moved on.

(like, literally I am a brown latine and I was told I’m “fetishizing brown people” because I write clone smut. These people just can’t stop looking for issues, even when there are none)

I’m rambling… sorry. So, to sum up, people more worried about what makes them angry in fandom instead of what makes them happy made a list of “people that make content I don’t like uwu” and apparently I’m in it. Hope the brainrot improves and they get better soon, I guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[arvandus]

The Todoroki Family Arc: Dabi and Representation for Abuse Victims

Something I’d like to address regarding all of this Todoroki family discourse is the importance of representation for abuse victims, specifically when it comes to the topic of forgiveness.  Many of us who are victims of abuse aren’t willing to forgive our abusers, and there is nothing wrong with taking that stance.  The concept of forgiveness of abuse is an especially hard pill to swallow when that forgiveness is for the sake of the abuser and not the victim (i.e., in this case, forgiveness for the sake of Enji’s redemption arc).  So this makes the current Todoroki family/Endeavor redemption arc so incredibly difficult to read, as all of the ‘good’ Todorokis are either already willing to forgive (or on their way to forgiving) Enji's long-term, narcissistic abuse.

It’s true that in canon Enji has explicitly stated that he’s not asking for forgiveness and that his family members don’t have to forgive him.  Whether or not he truly understands what that means is up for debate (I’ve got a lot to say on Enji’s redemption arc, but that’ll be for another post).  But for the sake of this post, let’s state that he genuinely means it, which would be great as it shows an awareness on his part of how unforgivable his actions are.  This great and all, except the words lose their weight/significance when every single ‘normal’ family member is on track to forgive him.  It would hold much more weight to show he doesn’t get forgiven by everyone, which will require him to at least to some extent, live with the consequences of his actions (e.g., being alone/ostracized from some family members).

So, let’s go through the Todoroki family members who are in the process of forgiving, have already forgiven, or are on their way to forgiving Enji, and how I personally respond to their forgiveness. Of course, all of this will be heavily influenced by my personal opinions and personal experiences, however I think that’s fair – as a person who’s endured long-term childhood abuse from a parent, I’d hope that my opinions (and others like me) will have some weight in the conversation surrounding domestic violence, even within the context of fiction.

Rei:

Rei has shown signs of starting to forgive Endeavor as evidenced by defending him to her children.

I do appreciate that she states that she’s still too scared to see her husband, and that the doctor states it’s not a good idea.  That all makes perfect sense.  But the idea that she’s willing to give him a chance to redeem himself because he sends her flowers?  I absolutely cannot identify with this in any which way.  Her marriage was forced by Endeavor, her sole purpose to bear him cold/hot quirk children.  She may have later grown to love him, who knows; we do know she was willing at least have Fuyumi with him, since she suggested it… (although there is a lot to unpack around that too, which I’ll also save for a different post). Even if she did love Enji (and a part of her may still love him, as some of us may feel towards our abusers) she went through YEARS of abuse to the point that she had a psychotic break and had to be institutionalized.  To suggest that she’s willing to begin the road of forgiveness because he sends her flowers is just completely unrealistic, and I personally can’t identify with her at all (also, as a sidenote: if my abuser and the cause of my psychosis, who I’m too afraid to see, is sending me gifts, the last thing I would want would be to see those gifts displayed in my room as a constant reminder of them).

 Fuyumi:

It’s clear that Fuyumi is well on her way to forgiving her father (if she hasn’t done so already).

Fuyumi wants nothing more than to piece her family back together, which is entirely fine if that’s what she wants.  What bothers me however, is that she’s willing to do so by sweeping the family drama under the rug in an attempt at keeping the illusion of a healthy, loving family (i.e., one that’s not broken by abuse). Why can’t she have this happy family with her brothers and her mother?  Why does she feel the need to have Enji in that family picture, considering all he’s done to them?  Her whole “it would make your sister happy” is, in my opinion, guilt-tripping and selfish. I don’t think she’s a mean person, and she may not be aware that her behavior could be damaging.  But her motivations are clearly self-focused, as she’s not willing to address her family’s issues in a way that validates everyone’s feelings. She just wants everyone to ‘play nice.’

It’s this dismissive behavior, a willingness to overlook the harm of the abuser for the sake of trying to keep a semblance of normalcy when things clearly aren’t normal, that has me label her as an abuse apologist. It’s not intended to be malicious of course; I do think she believes she means well.  But how does ignoring the abuse her family endured help anyone?  Will this ever get addressed by Horikoshi?  TBH, I doubt it, but we’ll just have to wait and see.  But one thing is for sure, she’s definitely the most forgiving out of all of her siblings.

 Natsuo:

I love this guy.  Truly.  So far, he’s probably the MOST relatable for me…

Look at that.  Beautiful.  I love it. It’s everything I want.  He’s unforgiving, holding his long-time abusive father accountable (regardless of how good of a hero he is), while still being a good person (lookin’ at you, Dabi…) all in one breath.

SO… why am I including him in this? Natsuo so far seems to be holding out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Horikoshi writes him in the direction of forgiveness, especially after this Dabi/Touya reveal. I feel like there’s already been hints at it, and it’s just a matter of time before he inevitably gets written as forgiving his father as well.

Here, you see his mother’s words getting into his head; he’s thinking heavily about what she’s said to him.  He doesn’t like the idea of his father looking for redemption, and holds his own disbelief around his father “trying to make sense of it all.”  But clearly he values his mother’s opinion on the matter, which will have an impact on his own views/beliefs.  Plus, the added pressure of seeing his other family members forgive his father will also have an impact on his stance, either by making him dig his heels in further in resistance, or by accepting their stance on it and as such be one step closer to forgiving Enji himself.

Here, he’s hearing Enji’s words and recalling Midoriya talking to Shouto earlier in the evening. He’s drawing a parallel between what it means to be a kind person and what it means to forgive. It’s followed up by his father’s confession of atonement, which clearly has an impact on Natsuo.  His experience here is visceral and entirely relatable; while Enji’s words may sound nice and genuine, it does little to assuage Natsuo of the painful memories he harbors and the damage that his father has caused over the years.

He’s still holding stubbornly onto his anger, unwilling to forgive… but the way it’s playing out, it’ll only be a matter of time. Maybe it’ll be yet another near-death experience for Endeavor, this time by Touya’s hand.  Or maybe he’ll feel that deep cut of betrayal from Touya/Dabi that makes him let go of his own anger/darkness in his heart out of a fear of letting it consume him the way it did his older brother.  Either way, I see it ending up there.  We don’t know for certain yet, of course… but my money is on Natsuo forgiving his father by the end, so I’m holding back on getting too attached.

 Shouto:

Shouto also seems to be becoming more open to forgiveness, despite all he’s gone through (and witnessed his mother go through). There’s a lot surrounding why this may be… perhaps it was watching the near-death experience of Enji in the battle with High-End… (which, hey, watching someone you care about nearly die, even if that person is your abuser, would be rough to watch).

Or watching his father be a badass hero (because let’s face it, Enji is an excellent fighter) that the public looks to for hope. Keep in mind, this happened after Enji had told Shouto he wanted to be worthy of the #1 position and  of being Shouto’s father; so Enji has just shown to Shouto that he’s (at least by Hero Society’s standards) worthy of being #1, and now he’s trying to make amends with his family (mm, check out that need for validation…).

 Clearly, Shouto is giving his father a chance to redeem himself.

And, of course, we have this page as well, which draws the comparison of being a kind person also being a forgiving person (which, quite frankly, isn’t true - you can definitely be a kind person and still not forgive someone who’s done long-term harm to you).  Regardless, it’s clearly being shown that Shouto is obviously heading into forgiveness.  Once again, the forgiveness itself isn’t bad… it’s how it’s being portrayed.  As someone who’s been abused by someone who’s supposed to take care of them and love them, I can say with certainty that you don’t really care that much about how good that person is at their job. It shouldn’t matter that Enji is a great hero; he’s always been a great hero (that’s why he was second only to All Might). What matters is how Enji is as a father, and it’s well established that he’s failed his entire family, by choice, for years. Shouto states as such to him, saying he’ll watch to see what kind of father he becomes.  But this follows immediately after the battle with High-End, which implies that Shouto is basing his willingness to forgive his father off of Enji’s heroics and public acceptance as the symbol of hope.  Why this would sway Shouto’s view of his father enough to consider forgiveness for years of physical and psychological damage escapes me.

Now, let’s be clear that forgiveness of an abuser isn’t impossible, but it’s certainly not an easy task.  Additionally, the decision to forgive hinges on a lot of things, including whether or not the abuser is worthy of forgiveness (i.e., are the crimes he’s committed against his family redeemable?  Is he truly genuinely feeling guilty about what he’s done? Does he understand the magnitude of what he’s done?  Is he acting selflessly, or is his quest for redemption rooted in selfishness (e.g., need for acceptance, a way to hold onto one’s power/importance within the family dynamic, etc.)?).   In many cases, especially cases where the abuse is long-term as it’s portrayed as being for the Todoroki family, and as mine was growing up, forgiveness isn’t really on the victim’s mind.  The damage done by the abuser is so long lasting, leaving a permanent imprint on how we think, act, and behave.  It shapes us, especially when it occurs in the formative years of childhood, affecting how we connect with others and how we view ourselves.

So, sharing a few contrite moments with the abuser (in this case, Enji) and seeing some positive situations (e.g., watching him kick ass on TV, be kind to his kids, etc.) do little to persuade me into forgiveness of a man who willingly, repeatedly, chose to abuse his family for at least a decade.  His abuse was physical, mental, and emotional.  Even if his desire for redemption is genuine, the quickness with which the good characters here begin to forgive him feels slightly forced for the sake of his redemption arc, and is therefore unrelatable.  And that is the crux of the issue.  Enji’s redemption should be just as much about the healing of his victims as it should be about him (if not more so).  However, that doesn’t seem to be the case.  So, what we get is a family portrayal that is in favor of the abuser.

So, all of the ‘good’ Todorokis are working toward forgiveness of their abuser.  Great. So, where does that leave those of us who aren’t on board with forgiveness? Those of us who see our own abuse, our own history, within this story and are not (and will not) ever forgive our abuser for entirely reasonable and justifiable reasons? Where is our representation in a story that, for all intents and purposes, is meant to be about the ramifications of abuse (and by proxy, victims of abuse)?

Our only remaining choice?  Dabi, of course... the psychopath who’s bent on destroying his abuser’s life and the hero society that’s, in some ways, created and supported him.

I think a major reason Dabi is so loved by some of us is that we can identify with that anger, that need for retribution/justice.  Are all of us entirely on board with how Dabi has decided to go about this retribution by doing whatever it takes no matter who it hurts or what innocent lives are lost? No, of course not.  But in a story where we’re looking for a sense of justice, where the long-term serial abuser DOESN’T get to walk away free with his abused family still by his side/supporting him, what other options do we have?  He’s the ONLY ONE who seems to be willing to hold Enji accountable for what he’s done and who sees the hypocrisy in his position as a symbol of hope in contrast to who he has been behind closed doors with his family.  So THAT is what we’re defending when we defend Dabi.   We’re NOT defending his murders, or him attempting to kill his brother, or ANY of that.  We might understand where that darkness is coming from/what’s caused it and empathize with it, but we don’t EXCUSE it.

Now, obviously the story isn’t finished yet, so there’s no way to know for sure where Horikoshi will take this redemption arc. We don’t know if all of the family members really will forgive Endeavor or not, and if Enji will ever be fully welcomed into the family fold.  The airing of the Todoroki family’s dirty laundry and its impacts on shining a light on the cracks in hero society give me hope. Also, the diversity across the Todoroki family of how each person copes that that abuse is also well done. That’s why I’m still invested in this story, that’s why I’m still reading it. But we only have what we’ve been shown to go on, and at the moment, there are major aspects of this story that are lacking.  The diversity in how each family member handles their abuse and their relationship with their abuser starts to lose its impact when that diversity is gradually washed out in favor of universal forgiveness. 

Also, where the manga is currently at gives me concern about the kind of message this story is sending to its readers.  I often see others say: “it’s just fiction, relax.”  Yes, it is fiction.  And when we read fiction, we all search for a piece of ourselves within the story.  You can’t have a story that centers around domestic abuse and not have abuse victims gravitate towards it, hoping for accurate representation.  And most importantly, even though this is ‘just a story,’ what message is it sending when the only person not willing to excuse/forgive Enji is a psychopath who’s been driven insane by his father’s abuse (and possible by his family’s inability/unwillingness to address said abuse)?  What message does it send to abuse victims? What message does it send to those who have never experienced abuse and are learning about it through this fictional representation? To say that this isn’t relevant in a real-world way is inaccurate at best and damaging at worst; and even if it may not hold relevance for some within a real-world setting, for many of us it does and as such the implications and impacts of it should be respected, even if you may not agree with it.  In short, for some of us, this is personal.

Now, do I think that every family member should curse Enji into the sun?  No, as satisfying as that would be for me.  I’d be perfectly happy if some family members forgive and some don’t.  Why?  Because it’s realistic.  It makes sense, because it depends on each character’s unique, personal experiences. Some will forgive, some won’t, and some will continue to defend and provide excuses for said abuser – all of these positions within the abused family dynamic are real and exist.  I just wish BNHA would also allow a space for us abuse victims who aren’t willing to forgive – a space that isn’t villainized.

[ninadewitt]

Colour me Curious Part 2: Monday

Just another Ben Solo High School AU! 

Warnings: Swearing 

The only thing worse than a regular Monday, was the first Monday back after the winter break. It never mattered how long the holiday was, you just never felt rested; Christmas created the perfect opportunity for drunk family members to strangle you for information and force their, unwanted, opinions down your choked throat. The holiday was made worse by the pre-celebration preparations, where your mother would go on an intense cleaning spree creating a (Y/L/N) house reformation. Everyday household items such as the straighteners were deemed too offensive to be allowed to be within two miles of a guest. Therefore, your mother took it upon herself to move them to a nondescript location, without informing you that she was doing so, just to save you the embarrassment of having to explain to your relatives why you owned such a perverse item in the first place. Over the years you had gotten used to this strange behaviour and just let her be, but this time she had forgotten where she had hidden the appliance. So, when Monday morning came around and your, normally gloriously crisp locks, were stuck in a bun looking like a tumbleweed had made a home atop your head, it made an already shitty day into one that included some equally shitty hair. Thanks Mom!

And so, you sat at the lunch table with your group; Finn, Rey and Poe, shifting your hair around hoping to keep it in order, at least until the end of the day, and at the same time, actively trying to avoid being dragged into one of Poe’s daily school football rants. Although, one of your best friends he was a bit of a hot head regarding the sport, and ever since Kylo joined the team, with around a hundred pounds more muscle and an extra 8 inches in height, challenging him for captaincy, he became even more insufferable than usual. Finn usually listened intently, his doe eyes fawning over his ‘friends’ passion but even now he seemed a bit sick of listening to Poe’s anti-Ren speech, yawning and rolling his eyes.

This continued on until Rey eventually threw her hands up in the air and smacked them dramatically on the table, gritting out “Poe, please stop, my head is going to explode if you mention Ren’s ‘bad attitude and poor tactics’ one more time”

“All I’m saying, is that if a guy disappears for years, he can’t just come in expecting to be Captain, it just doesn’t happen, right (Y/N)?” For some reason he smacked your shoulder confidently while smirking at you, expecting some support.

“Oh please, as if she’s gonna be on your side, (Y/N) is the biggest traitor here, giving the Big Emo, ‘stalker’ eyes, every time he walks past. Haven’t you guys noticed how she’s become a massive book worm recently, hanging around the library, where Kylie spends all his spare time?”

“Well, now that you mention it…” the boys looked at one another and then back at you, with curious looks on their faces.

“Rey! What the fuck, why is this about me now? I have not been giving him ‘stalker’ eyes” and in an attempt to defend yourself, you sacrificed your last chip, chucking it at her with immense force and scrunching your brow in a way that let her know that you were pissed.

And Rey being Rey, was willing to challenge that look. picking the chip up from the table, looking you dead in the eye and crunching it, signalising that she did not give a fuck. “I can’t listen to football talk anymore, and if I have to sacrifice you to make him stop, I will. Sorry (Y/N) nothing personal.”

Sometimes you really hated her.

 Watching the silent chip filled stand-off that was occurring between the two of you, Finn, wanting to avoid being covered in lunch meat before his fifth period Trig, attempted to diffuse the situation

“So, who watched the Witcher over break?”

  “I did, it was great, loved Geralt” You replied, eager to change the subject but unfortunately, it looked as though you weren’t going to get out of this mess yet.

  “Of course you did, your love of Ren has exposed your cave man kink, you love an angsty man” Poe teased, apparently, he decided he didn’t want to be on your team anymore and high-fived Rey, forgetting their past beef as she joined in, deepening her voice and widening her shoulders:

  “Hm fuck, (Y/N), I love you, be Mrs Ren”

  “I’d die for you (Y/N), I’m ignoring you to keep my heart safe”

  “you like it when I grunt, I’ll show you a grunt”

  It was at this point that you regretted munching down all your chips with such haste, and noticing the unfortunate lack of ammo you, instead of attacking the duo, proceeded to flip both of them off and dig your head into the table, with your bun whacking it dramatically in the process. However, this seemed to only give the pair more confidence:

 “I only ever hunt for my own food and I kill my prey simply by raising my left hand threateningly, I can provide for our family (Y/N).”

“By the grace of my goth training I will not be seduced by Coldplay.”

 When the bell went off, you practically skipped to biology, moving away from the trio, still holding up your middle fingers, as Rey and Poe practically crawled to class, wheezing the entire way. It was Monday lunches like those that really made you thankful that none of your friends were interested in bio, with both Rey and Poe focusing on Physics and Finn avoiding sciences as though they were the plague. Its not that you didn’t love them and their bantering, but sometimes when you were in a mood, like today, it was hard not to get a bit salty about the whole situation and just need a break.

A break to work on your Solo experiment. It was on the walk to class when you thought about whether Kylo would acknowledge you today, that you realised that maybe Rey was right about your stalker eyes. But now was no time to back down. You knew that with Kylo it was all about consistency, he was like a jittery animal; jump at him and he will almost definitely run for the bushes and avoid you for life, but if you approach him slowly, letting him gain some familiarity, maybe throwing in some “sksksk-ing” as though he were a cat, he might let you in. So, in that logic you assumed that if you popped up around him now and again, he might realise that you mean no harm. Or he would avoid you further, only time would tell.

Reaching the class room and plonking down in one of those high-up science stools you began to ponder; why did science feel the need to make its seats absurdly tall. They were those types of seats that were, normally, exclusively used at hipster ice cream parlours or smoothie bars. They always made sitting down so uncomfortable, giving you absolutely no back support and your knees would consistently knock off the metal bar of the desk leaving an unflattering gum stain on your jeans, for the rest of the day. Maybe that’s why everyone found science hard to grasp, because they spent the whole period trying to contort their bodies in a way that would make sitting comfortable.  It was during that very intelligent inner monologue that Kylo stomped in and plopped into his seat, on the other side of the class, crunching his knees under the desk. You could practically hear his six-foot frame groan at being pushed into such an awkward seat. That couldn’t be comfortable you thought, before diverting your attention from the dark prince to Mrs Barr, ready to be riveted by some spores, fungi and bacterium. Delicious.

And all was going swell up until the end of the period; your notes were tidy, you only lost interest a couple of times but you seemed to understand what she was getting at, then she started talking about the next assignment. Partner work was the first issue with the task. It wasn’t ideal but you always knew that Jess would be willing to group up, but then, issue number two, Mrs Barr pulled a fast one and said that she would be picking the pairs. Well, fuck. Finally, for issue number three, what did the woman do? She only went and paired you up with Kylo, just before sending the class away, to go figure out in their teams what they were going to do their projects on.

To some people this would have been a godsend, but when you saw his gaze latch on to you and his frown deepen, you couldn’t help but want to crawl into a hole and die. Yes, you wanted to get him to be your friend again and yes, you suppose this would help, but you wanted the reconciliation to be done on your terms. Your slow and steady pace. This caused the process to go from a crawl to a sprint and quite frankly, it was probably going to give you whiplash. And if that didn’t Kylo suddenly being right in front of your face would. Somehow despite his large stature, he could move incredibly quietly if he put his mind to it. It made you wonder if he stomped down the hallways for theatrical purposes, maybe you could ask him when he stopped staring daggers at you. But it didn’t look like he would anytime soon.

 “Oh, Hi, Kylo” you stuttered out to him, tilting your head up as far as it would go, he was much taller up close.

 “We are gonna need a study space, my house is empty, Leia’s working. So, assuming you can walk ten feet without falling we can work there.”

 Wow, maybe Poe was right about him lacking some social skills.

“Yep, that’s fine” you replied in a less friendly tone than before, sure you wanted him to be your friend, but you weren’t going to be a doormat.

 “Fine, four o’clock, don’t be late.” And with that he stomped away in a cloud of rage.

 Well, maybe you made a mistake in wanting to be his friend again. You supposed you would find out after school.

~This cool Kid wanted to be tagged and you can be too @shockwavee (But Idk if I’m doing it right)

[kylosupremeimagines]

In Defense To Kylo Ren’s Character

I see posts all the time saying things like “Kylo is pure evil, there’s no way he can be redeemed!” to “Kylo is old enough to understand the things that he is doing, there is no excuse!”. I can understand where arguments such as these come from. I can't say for certain exactly what goes on through everyone’s head revolving around the subject, but I can tell you one thing that I see out of this; Kylo Ren is a manipulated Victim who has suffered many forms of abuse. Yes, I know that this doesn’t necessarily excuse some of the things that he has done. But when you really look into his character and his affiliation with Snoke, it’s easy to come to the conclusion that he has been abused and manipulated.

Abandonment

Starting from when he was a padawan, he had been sent to train under Luke by his mother. Before, his parents were often caught up in their professions as a  Smuggler and Senator, and this was able to give him a sense of abandonment as a child. And then years later, his own uncle come sot their point where he is ready to kill Ben. Those factors could lead Kylo to believe that his family did not care enough about him, to give him a sense of abandonment by the people who are supposed to help support him through his life.

“There is nothing more powerful than genetics. If you really imagine the stakes of him in his youth, having all these special powers and having your parents kind of be absent during that process on their own agendas, equally as selfish. He’s lost in the world that he was raised in and feels that he was kind of abandoned by the people that he is closest with. He’s angry because of that,  I think, and he has a huge grudge on his shoulders.”  - Adam Driver

Training Under Snoke

Then you have the next stage in his life where he joined under Snoke to train to be much like Darth Vader. We have seen how he is treated by his master, who does not shy away from berating him with “and look at you, the deed split your spirit to the bone. You’re unbalanced! Bested by a girl who never held a lightsaber, you failed!” followed by a lightning shock as a form of discipline. If he’s willing to do this years into his training, just imagine what happened the first years when Kylo was still trying to figure out himself, more than likely having moments of hesitation and questioning of the path he was going down.

Manipulation

One thing that is undeniable is the fact that Snoke has been so manipulative of Kylo, even before he turned. One thing that I would like to bring up is how Snoke views someone such as Hux (Who is practically Kylo’s rival). "You wonder why I keep a rabid cur in such a place of power? A cur's weakness, properly manipulated can be a sharp tool,” note that with the proper definitions, it hints that Hux is merely seen as someone in “poor condition” that has an “[extreme} support of” both Snoke and the First Order. Seeing as how Snoke treats them in similar lights (not including the fact that Kylo trains under him), Kylo is in a similar position.

rab·id ˈrabəd,ˈrābəd/Submit adjective 1. having or proceeding from an extreme or fanatical support of or belief in something.

cur kər/Submit noun an aggressive dog or one that is in poor condition, especially a mongrel.

When Han finally confronts Kylo on the Base, he makes it clear that he believes that Snoke is  merely using him to do what he wants. Seeing Kylo’s reaction to the first time seeing his father in years, he is clearly crying, torn up on the inside. Han points out the fact that Snoke is using him for his benefit. You can almost see the realization by Kylo, or at least the moment he considers it and even questions the idea.

“Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him.”

“That’s what snoke wants you to believe. But it is not true, my son is alive.”

“No… the supreme Leader is wise.”

“Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he will crush you. You know it’s true.”

“It’s too late.”

“No, it’s not, leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.”

The Abuse

Now, there are many types of abuse out there, and of course, he would have some types more than others. I don’t believe he was ever sexually abused, and Physical abuse was probably only used when Snoke wanted to discipline him. The two predominant ones have to be emotional and verbal abuse. There are plenty of ways the abuse can be explained. (note that of course, some of these are based on opinion, but they make sense depending on how you look at it)

Deflection: Kylo must be scared to speak up against Snoke most of the time regarding the things he has done or said, knowing that it would only be countered with something negative will come from it, such as physical punishment or the blame being turned towards him instead.  We see how quick Snoke is to berate and belittle his apprentice. 

False Loyalty: Snoke was able to convince Kylo that he respected him, valued him as an apprentice. But in reality? He would not hesitate to throw him away when the time called for it, he would kill him. He is giving Kylo a false sense of trust and loyalty.

Demoralizing: After feeling betrayed by his own family and having nowhere to turn, Kylo chose to follow under Snoke. With his influence, Snoke changed Kylo’s ways of thinking and eventually corrupting his own morals to the point where he believed some of the things he had been doing were not in the wrong.

Secretive: There had to have been plenty of things that Snoke had been keeping from Kylo - it be he didn’t want him to know of or he didn’t think he was ready. And that right there is evidence of mistrust, or in this case, manipulation because it would all most likely have formal connections to plans of Snoke that he did n’t want Kylo to be  aware of, as it could raise questions.

Lying/False Truths: It is highly doubtful that Kylo would have been willing to follow behind snoke if he knew what he was really getting himself into, a life of manipulation and mistreatment as a pawn to Snoke. His master also probably put incorrect emphasize on how Kylo’s family really felt about him, which would make the feeling of abandonment and betrayal by them even worse, giving more of a reason to leave.

Questioning his loyalties: Snoke has been seen questioning Kylo’s abilities to do something as simple as killing his father, so it is not hard to believe that he would have brought up Kylo’s loyalties towards him, it be addressing it directly or even subtly by inquiring him about a mission not being fulfilled successfully.  

Invasion of his mind: Snoke literally was keeping track of what was going through Kylo’s mind, he admits to this when he explained “I see his mind, I see his every intent” Just imagine living every day knowing that at any moment, your master would invade the privacy of your very mind.

Coercion: As Snoke’s apprentice, Kylo is expected to follow all his demands and not question it. Knowing how Snoke rules, it would be done with the use of an iron fist. Kylo knows that if he doesn’t do what is told of him, there will most likely be consequences.

Physical Punishment: This is just something that can not be denied, as we can see it in The Last Jedi when Kylo tries to retaliate against Snoke.

Results of the Abuse

As a result of everything that he would have to go through, I’m willing to bet that he suffers from at least one mental illness. Again, some examples:

Reliving the Trauma: I see him as someone who would suffer from nightmares as a result of all the things he has been through. Seeing as how he shows a capability of showing guilt, it may some as a result of the things he has done and come to regret, such as some people he wished he didn’t let die.

Avoiding reminders: When Snoke had brought up the topic of his  father, he seemed to try to brush it off quickly, even claiming “he means nothing to [him],” And even after killing him, he tries to show he doesn’t care when he refers to Han by his full name

Negative thinking:  Kylo seems like the type that would easily feel self-conscious about his progress with training and thinks that even little things means he is an utter failure. Snoke probably destroyed his self-esteem during his training, and may not even have much self-worth. He could also possibly believe that he doesn’t deserve to be loved, especially by his parents. 

Insomnia: Kylo has been depicted by fans to have issue sleeping at times, and it is a high possibility that it would be something he does suffer from. The haunting memories and thoughts probably keep him up at night, and even some physical symptoms he may be suffering from at the moment. 

Pushing passed his limits: With the expectation on him that he becomes as powerful - if not more - than Darth Vader, he would probably push himself during training just to grow stronger. It would range from pushing too hard to the point of exhaustion from not getting himself checked in the Medbay after injuries of any severity. He would do anything to grow stronger, even if it meant becoming numb to pain

Mood changes: As seen in the movies and other media, Kylo has some major issues when it comes to controlling his emotions, especially his aggression and irritability, which are common symptoms of many anxiety disorders to PTSD.

Start to Redemption

Considering that this is the moment that Kylo finally starts to question everything is such a great concept. He was toying with his beliefs when he kills his father. With his desire and push by snoke to become like his grandfather, he hoped it would help him to fully embrace the dark side, but look at where it lead him. He is so conflicted after, and even snoke knows, as he stated “and look at you, the deed split your spirit to the bone,” he acknowledges that part of the (possibly) reason Kylo lost to Rey because it was right after he killed Han, hence his clouded emotions as he’s feeling  conflicted on the inside.

He may even be suffering from some panic or paranoia. Or maybe he’s feeling as if he is going crazy. If you have ever experienced something like this, it would be very understandable. Killing his father more than likely struck something within him to trigger some of his PTSD, which would have all crashed down on him at once. It made him more reckless than normal and even made him so confused and unable to focus. He believed it was in the right to go after Rey and Finn, but in his blind rage, he was ultimately defeated by Rey. Many argue it’s because she was just stronger than him, but it is easy to consider that he could have been going through a psychological battle with himself at the time, from things like just having killed his father and starting to question where his true morals should be.

In his first scene in TLJ, Snoke brings his fears, claiming that he could very well be mistaken by putting faith in Kylo, to which he responds with “I’ve given everything I have to you, to the dark side,” After, Snoke continues to criticize him  to the point where Kylo shows the first form of true retaliation that we saw from him, only to be shocked by  his master in Discipline. When Snoke called him “A child in a mask,” I believe that this is where he finally came to terms that his father was right, and by him destroying his mask on the elevator, he then decided that things were not right anymore.

When he was in his TIE making an assault on the Resistance Fleet, he hesitates to kill his mother, but then opts not to. He was torn up about killing his father, but he could not do it to his mother. He could have so easily have killed her, but he disobeyed his mission to let his mother live. When the other TIEs blow of the bridge with Leia inside, it says it all in his facial expression that he is hurt, believing that she is gone.

His last straw was when he watched Snoke torture Rey and then reveal that he had created the connection between the two, he most likely felt betrayed by this. When he was ordered to kill Rey, it was his final decision that things had to change right there and then. He finally had the courage to fight against his Master, and killed him. This is where he is free, he doesn’t have to fear any discipline from Snoke or even being killed by him.

Though, the one thing that is not clear to him is what really happened when Luke tried to end him back at the Temple. He still holds that against Luke not knowing that he was about to refrain, and he believes that it is the final connection that he has to break to finally be free from all the mental torment.

Conclusion

Taking from my own experiences, I love Kylo Ren as a character. Sure I’ve had one great parent relationship, but look at where the bad relationship with my mother took me. Before you go saying that just because she was an alcoholic parent makes all these arguments not completely valid, you have to know that experiences do not have to be the same to result in similar things. She was a neglectful parent, she didn’t have much consideration for me. I know what it feels like to have a parent that doesn’t seem to care about you. I can’t imagine the things that he went through with having TWO parents seemingly neglecting him to some degree, as well as an uncle that in his last moments with Ben, didn’t see to have a love strong enough for him to keep himself from trying to end his life.

On another end, I can also understand what it’s like to be abused. While physical abuse was not too terrible, emotional abuse was what really got to me. She would do things from belittling me, to make me feel guilty for how things were with the family, and even going as far as to tell me to kill myself - and not care too much when I even tried. This is where I feel the most Empathy for a character like Kylo.  With the way that Snoke is shown to treat him, from belittling him to manipulating him, I can see where his life went wrong.

Again, it does not excuse some of his actions, but it should be taken into consideration all that he has been through. To those who do not believe that there is hope for Kylo, Stars there is. He has shown to realize his makes and expression some guilt to it, it is obvious or so hard to see for you. I believe that there is hope for him in episode 9 and I am wishing for an amazing redemption for him in the movie. Though, it should come at a price. It is he almost loses his life by sacrifice or he does die doing the right thing, I just know that it would be a great conclusion for his character.

Kylo Ren is a broken soul that needs to accept that he deserves to be loved and he has to learn to mend himself back together. No matter what it takes.

“Anxiety Disorders.” National Institute of Mental Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/index.shtml.

“PTSD: National Center for PTSD.” Negative Coping and PTSD - PTSD: National Center for PTSD, 1 Jan. 2007, www.ptsd.va.gov/public/PTSD-overview/basics/what-is-ptsd.asp.

“PTSD: National Center for PTSD.” Negative Coping and PTSD - PTSD: National Center for PTSD, 15 May 2012, www.ptsd.va.gov/public/ptsd-overview/basics/symptoms_of_ptsd.asp.

“ .” Victim Blaming in Abuse and Relationships, www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/Behaviors/authoritarian_style.html.

[getoffthesoapbox]

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions: Kylo’s Trajectory

After much trial and tribulation, we have at last arrived of the moment of destiny: a descent into the depths of what is arguably the most complex character created not only for the Star Wars saga itself, but for the silver screen as a whole in recent memory. Kylo Ren is a bottomless pit of onion layers--the more I peel away, the more I find. I don’t know if I, or any one single person, or even the creators themselves, can truly ever uncover or unpack everything contained within this character. But I certainly want to try my best, and I hope that I can bring some new thoughts to the table, though I admit the prospect is intimidating because this character has been discussed ad nauseum by minds far greater than mine. Still, I can’t move forward in this series without addressing him, so apologies in advance if this covers territory others have previously tread. 

This is the eighth post in my Star Wars The Last Jedi First Impressions series. The list of the topics this series covers, including links to the previous posts, is included below:

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - A Flawed Triumph

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - The Thematic Heart

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Finn & Rose

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Luke & Rey

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Luke & Kylo

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Luke & Leia

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Rey’s Trajectory  

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Kylo’s Trajectory ← we are here

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Rey & Kylo

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - The Romantic Heart

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Misleading Love Polygons

[SW:TLJ] First Impressions - Schrödinger's Futures

This behemoth guards his hidden treasure trove jealously. He’s no easy pickings.

Kylo Ren is my favorite character in the Star Wars saga, replacing my beloved Luke in the span of a single film (The Force Awakens). The Last Jedi only expanded on what I already saw as the most interesting and complex character ever crafted for the Star Wars saga and turns him into something that is truly a masterpiece, and I’m not entirely sure it was all intentional. 

In many ways, on the surface and perhaps on paper, Kylo is a simple character: he is someone who is being crushed under the weight of the previous generations and is trying to strike out on his own to find his own path, but who has been drawn toward the darkness in the process. But I think what we learn in The Last Jedi (and we certainly don’t learn much), points toward something much more intricate, much more human than the paper version of Kylo. How much of this is intentional on the part of the story group and the directors, how much of it is Adam Driver’s meticulous and flawless performance, and how much of it is the channeling of a message greater than any single person could create, I don’t know, but there’s so much inside this character it takes my breath away. 

I’m going to tackle this post a little differently than my previous ones and break it up into sections; the stream-of-conscious approach worked well for the other posts, despite their length, but Kylo’s just such a hugely multi-faceted character that I need a little organization to focus the different aspects into something clear. 

For everyone who’s waited so long for this post, here it is at last. Thank you for sticking it out with me, despite what a sluggish snail I am. ;) I hope it’s worth the wait, but if it isn’t, I’ll do my best to make up for it in the future. ;) So, without further ado, let’s tackle this beast of a man.

The Burden of Legacy

While some hints of Kylo’s real issues surfaced in his scenes from TFA, it isn’t until The Last Jedi that we start to see some of the real motives behind why he’s chosen the path he has. 

Although he himself never states any of his thoughts, we can discern quite a bit about what happened to him in the beginning of his life up until his betrayal by Luke from what the other characters say and from hints from the novels. Now, I consider novels to be “secondary canon,” which means they’re only “canon” until something from future films disproves them (this is why I’ve thrown out the TFA novel entirely as a useful tool; as soon as Rey didn’t meet Poe until TLJ, TFA’s novel now moves into an “alternative universe” as far as I’m concerned, because it contains inconsistencies). However, it’s unlikely the novels surrounding Kylo’s past will have any retcons in the films themselves, so it’s safe to use them for now.

In one of the novels (I think Aftermath), we discover that before Ben is even born, a shadowy force is targeting him. This would have been the fate of any child of the Skywalkers--whether Luke’s or Leia’s--because they are somehow at the heart of the galaxy and are a powerful family. It was always going to be a risk to have a child under such circumstances, but if Leia and her husband were strong enough and savvy enough, it still hypothetically was possible to shield any children from such influences. 

Unfortunately, Leia’s partner is Han, and she herself is a force intuitive rather than someone trained in it. They’re just not equipped--through no fault of their own--to handle what their union creates. Leia is a key political figure in restoring order to the galaxy and can’t give any child the attention needed, and Han is...not exactly the most sensitive or patient man, likely due to his own traumatic past. When Ben is born, he is born into a world that is already hunting him, already expecting much from him, and already discarding him. 

One might say that the fact that Ben takes over 20 years to “turn to the dark” is quite remarkable given the influencing factors of his birth. That is a testament to his natural affinity toward the light as much as it is a testament to his ultimate failure to find enough purpose to withstand the pressure he was under. Unfortunately, we probably will never get to see these years covered in any film, and that’s a real travesty because this is pivotal for understanding the deep well of inner strength that this character has--and that Rey sees so much hope in. 

Still, we have enough clues to extrapolate the likely trajectory of Ben’s early years. At first, he was most likely merely a normal child who maybe did some strange things due to his extraordinary force-sensitivity. What his parents may or may not have known was that the shadowy force was likely always there, in the back of his mind, even during his early years. Yet in the beginning, that probably didn’t matter. Leia and Han, being new parents and still in the first years of the rebuilding of the republic, would likely have been very involved in Ben’s life. It’s clear to see in both films that he loves them both, that they both matter to him, despite the actions he takes against them. He couldn’t have been neglected all his life if he still holds them in such high regard. So at least in his formative years he must have been cherished by them. 

At some point, this changed, and a few things likely happened. First, he encountered “society,” and this could have happened as early as six or seven. This would be the first time he encountered the burden of legacy that would eventually break him--as the child of two war heroes and the nephew of another (and magical war heroes at that), expectations of his future were likely sky-high simply by virtue of his genetics. If this were all Ben had to contend with, he might have been able to bear it, but adding to that pressure was something else his DNA bestowed upon him--a ridiculously out of control force-sensitivity and prodigy-level abilities in the force. When these abilities fully manifested, I can’t say, but something about the way Luke talks about Ben in TLJ makes me think they didn’t fully manifest until puberty, which is likely when most of his problems actually started.

Before puberty, I would posit that Kylo’s problems were mostly localized to his family rather than the exterior world: he missed his mother, who was likely frequently out of the house and busy; he didn’t get along with his father, who by his own admission (and by Luke’s and Leia’s) couldn’t understand the boy very well and who didn’t “get” the whole force “thing” despite his proximity to two powerful wielders of the force; and, worse, a shadowy voice was likely lurking in the back of his mind, whispering things he shouldn’t be hearing. There may have been other factors as well, such as bullying in school or children being intimidated by him in general simply because of who he was. But something tells me that probably wasn’t the case in his early years because despite his rage-outs during TFA, in TLJ he shows some remarkably savvy social skills when he interacts with Rey, and that doesn’t come out of thin air simply because you’re sexually attracted to someone. I’d say that before his turn to the dark side, he was a well-mannered, kind, and pleasant boy to be around, probably a little too quick to display his heart on his sleeve and likely an empath. He probably was, in general, very well liked early on in his life, even by schoolmates. If this is true, then this makes his downfall all the more tragic because he knows what he’s thrown away; if he’d always been mistreated for his entire life, then he’s more pitiable, but for him to have known both good and bad and to be unable to correct course to return to the good is far more classically tragic in my opinion. 

I think puberty (so around 13-14) was when Ben’s force sensitivity probably started going out of control. Likely he was testing the limits of his powers, exploring the boundaries of authority, trolling a bit, and acting out as teenagers are wont to do, and he probably scared the bejeezus out of Han. Han, unable to deal with Ben, shut down on him right at the one moment the boy needed him most--the shadows in his mind were likely growing louder and more insistent and clear, and he needed a strong role model to follow to stay on the straight and narrow. Leia, of course, was torn between her husband, son, and political duties, and so she likely called for Luke’s help because Ben was becoming too much to handle for both of them and they were out of their depth. When Luke saw Ben, he had the same reaction to him Snoke has--he sees all that ability and potential and wants to harness it and be the one who molds it. It’s the natural allure of the mentor, and it’s something mentors have to be very careful about--it’s one thing to want to foster talent, it’s a whole other thing to want to mold talent. 

Luke convinces Leia and Han to release Ben into his custody, which we know from his own testimony in TLJ. Han’s reaction is left up to the viewer, but I expect he was probably in favor of dumping the boy onto Luke simply because Han tends to run from his problems (and we know his own deep guilt is the reason he retreats back into his former scalawag ways, so he fully knows where he went wrong with his son). But Leia probably lets Ben go because she genuinely thinks Luke can help him--and we know from her testimony in TFA that she regrets that decision and thinks it was the wrong one in hindsight. Because what Leia’s choice does, inadvertently, is prove to Ben that the voice in his head might be right after all--maybe his parents don’t love him and wish he were something other than what he’d turned out to be. This is something all kids face in their teens to some degree or other--it’s part of becoming an actualized individual--but given how empathic Ben was, and how deeply rooted the shadows infiltrating his mind were, he had a harder road to walk than the typical teen. 

So Ben is packed off to Uncle Luke’s faraway foreign retreat, away from everything he’s ever known living at the center of civilization, and thrown into a monastic lifestyle he probably never wanted in the first place. The culture shock alone would have been rough even if Ben had wanted to go to training, but likely he was unwilling yet too obedient to his mother’s wishes to make his own wishes heard. Part of Ben’s problem, and part of the eventual problem Kylo Ren demonstrates, is that he’s too obedient. He’s trying so hard to be the good son to Snoke that I can’t imagine he didn’t do the same for Han, Leia, and eventually Luke. Yet another reason why he and Rey resonate so well together--both of them want to be lovely objects worthy of their parents’ love and affection deep in their hearts. 

Ben likely took being sent away to Uncle Luke’s as a punishment from parents the shadowy voice whispered didn’t really love him rather than an attempt to help him, which he may have understood better had there been no shadowy voice. But Ben is a good boy, and we know by how deeply hurt he is by Luke that Luke quickly won him over and gained his trust and affection. Luke becomes the father figure to Ben that Han couldn’t be (and whoa, I just realized how this echoes Rey’s trajectory, like holy crap, Ben wasn’t describing Rey during that force connect moment when he was mocking her searching for her parents--he was describing himself), and Ben manages to make a life for himself.

We know he manages to last about 6 or more years at the jedi academy before Snoke finally gets the upper hand on him. Neither Ben nor Luke give us much information on his life at the academy, but I think we can safely assume a few things:

Ben was highly talented and was the teacher’s pet.

While some of the students became Ben’s friends and bonded closely with him, there were others who envied him and became resentful/bitter. (As I said before in my post on Luke and Kylo, this is likely why not all the padawan were killed when Ben went Kylo-mode; likely there was a fight between Ben’s friends and the kids who didn’t like Ben, and it turned into a slaughter.) 

Snoke is getting a stronger and more insistent hold on Ben the more he trains and the more he connects to the force. Snoke by this point is also probably trying to poison Ben against Luke and may be priming the pump by hinting that Luke is afraid of Ben and will one day “prove” that by striking Ben.

At some point Ben learns about Vader, and the galaxy does as well, giving the padawan who may resent him full leave to increase any bullying tactics they may have been employing (or holding back on employing). 

Possibly Luke, in order to keep the peace, turns a blind eye to any bullying behavior Ben’s receiving, despite knowing he should do something about it. Or, conversely, he’s just never around and is always out searching for new padawan, and so through neglect he, like Leia and Han, abandons Ben. 

Luke at some point realizes that his training isn’t helping Ben and the darkness is becoming greater in him. Luke may or may not know about Snoke (I suspect he doesn’t until he talks to Leia after Ben disappears).

As Rey points out to Luke, Ben’s choice was not made before Luke raised his saber against him. In fact, I would argue (and I think Rey would agree), that by staying by Luke’s side, Ben had chosen Luke. If Luke had kept the faith and believed in the strength of the light in his nephew and the strength of his bond to his nephew, perhaps he might have steered Ben in a more productive direction. But moreover, Luke should have trusted that even if Ben turned, Leia, Han, and Luke were all enough to bring him back, no matter what it took. 

Yet Luke didn’t believe in Ben, he didn’t believe in Ben’s light, and so he lost Ben to the darkness. Likely after the attack, Ben probably ran away scared and began gathering up his things only to be attacked by the padawan from the faction who resented him, and who now had a justification for their resentment (his attack on their master). Ben, being cornered, likely lashed out, was joined by his own friends, and a war began while poor Luke was pulling himself out of the wreckage. By the time Luke was free, Ben was gone and some of the padawan with him, leaving Luke to believe Ben slaughtered everyone, because why the hell wouldn’t he believe that Ben was a murderer?

So we can see from all of this that the “Skywalker legacy” brought Ben a great deal of pain and very little joy: likely he was bullied, pressured, neglected, abandoned, feared, hated, and abused simply because of his DNA and his abilities. For an empath as strong as Ben clearly is, this is an unbearable way to live and would send even the strongest straight down the steep descent into nihilism if there isn’t a very strong and clear purpose for them to latch onto. 

Ben’s DNA and genetic legacy and the legacy of his family itself buried him beneath their weight. At a time in his life where he needed to make a name for himself and strike his own path and test the strength of his fledgling wings, he was being crushed by the weight of both the dark side of his lineage (the Vader side) and the light side of his lineage (the war heroes). His force sensitivity made him a target to enemies and allies alike--he was likely seen as a tool to be used or an object of envy for those less naturally gifted. And because there was not yet a Rey by his side to give him the love and devotion he likely desperately sought from his parents and uncle in lieu of all the pain, he was left with the only other person who had remained by his side through it all: the shadowy presence who had been there from the beginning, the voice of Snoke.

Welcome to the Dark Side

So what about that loyal shadow presence lurking in the corners of Ben’s charmed life? What on earth would make that presence more attractive to Ben than his comfy home and wonderful family? As with the rest of his past, this aspect of Ben’s life is shrouded in mystery. However, we can assume a few things based on Snoke’s gloating:

Snoke can read and has been reading (for how long is unknown) all of Ben’s thoughts. As in, every. single. thought. Kind of hard to grow up if you have no privacy at all. Poor kid probably couldn’t even have any fantasies. No wonder he’s a 30-year-old virgin. ;) Joking aside, this is actually incredibly sinister if Snoke’s been able to do this Ben’s entire life. That means for the entirety of his life his every move has been “observed” by someone. Living under constant surveillance normally would drive anyone mad in general, but this goes even further than mere visual surveillance. The implications here are horrifying for Ben’s ability to actualize himself in a healthy way and also are an enormous testament to the depth and strength of the light within him--he managed to withstand daily torment from this shadow presence for most of his life. He’s only been truly in its grasp for a brief span of time--at most 6 years, virtually the same amount of time he’d been a padawan. 

Before I go into what this means for Kylo Ren in the current timeframe, I’d like to explore what this meant for Ben Solo. I’m not sure how long Snoke was able to communicate with Ben, but given how powerful he is, I’m sure at the very least he was able to send his own thoughts to Ben (perhaps even masking them to sound like Ben’s own thoughts), even if Ben couldn’t respond. When Snoke began speaking with Ben, I can’t say--perhaps he only observed initially and didn’t begin speaking until Ben’s relationship with Han began to fragment and he was shipped off to Uncle Luke’s. 

I think we can say for certain that at least during the 6 or so years of Ben’s padawan training, Snoke was messing with his head and his belief in himself and his family. So even if Snoke had started as an unwanted presence in Ben’s mind, or something Ben fought, by the end of the journey Snoke became the only thing Ben “had” that had never rejected or betrayed him, that “loved” him. This is a classic manipulation tactic--to seduce the victim with the idea that you alone hold them as “special” and then to isolate them from other sources of strength and support. This is one of the reasons I suspect Kylo’s Knights of Ren are dead--if Kylo had friends or supporters, he wouldn’t be as vulnerable to Snoke’s influence as he clearly is during TFA and TLJ. Snoke also makes sure to keep Hux and Kylo at each other’s throats rather than letting them form a friendship (which would be more natural given their similar ages). I can’t see him letting Ben keep his friends--likely he “arranged” for the friends to “tragically die” in battle for the First Order, isolating Ben further. (This, I think, may have been part of the vision Rey saw in TFA.) 

Either way, Ben goes from potentially distrusting and not believing the voice in his head to placing his hope of a future in its hands. This is likely due to the fact that the voice probably “predicts” what will happen (Leia/Han’s abandonment, the other padawan’s resentment and envy, Luke’s “betrayal”), and thus the voice gains credibility over the other people in Ben’s life who have continued to fail him. This credibility leads Ben to go to Snoke’s side.

I’m not sure at what point Ben “meets” Vader. TFA implies Ben has spoken to Vader before, but isn’t speaking to him by TFA. Since we know Vader was redeemed and has shown himself as Anakin as his force ghost, we can assume whatever “Vader” Ben has been talking to isn’t real and likely is a creation of Snoke’s. Snoke’s probably powerful enough for this simply because he’s the one who creates (or at least manipulates) the force connection between Kylo and Rey; if he can do that, he can surely create a vision of Vader to “convince” Ben that the dark side is the only way for Ben. 

But even with all of this, it’s hard I think to see why the dark side would be an attractive option for Ben rather than just striking out on his own and building his own destiny as an unknown person. That honestly would have been the more natural option--most teens in Ben’s situation would simply “run away” (and this would have put him on a trajectory more like Han’s). If he was tired of his force abilities, he could even have cut them off entirely like Luke does in TLJ. 

So I don’t think Ben’s actions can be written off simply as “I had no other choice.” Clearly there are other choices, but for unknown reasons Ben doesn’t take them, which implies they don’t fulfill whatever deeper need is operating underneath his desire to be “free” of his family’s legacy. Especially given that all he does is “trade” one form of “legacy” for another--he discards his family’s light side legacy in order to explore its dark side. 

As a jedi padawan, Ben would have been subjected to what spotty jedi training Luke was able to give him (we know Luke hadn’t read the jedi texts from TLJ, so Luke’s training probably wasn’t the same kind one would have received during Anakin’s time). We see a hint of the kind of teacher Luke was during the small training sequence with Rey in TLJ; he’s clearly a different kind of teacher than Yoda or Obi Wan. He doesn’t believe in separating the dualism of life--he clearly believes in balance, in the interplay between the light and the dark, between chaos and order. However, he likely makes the same mistake with Ben that he makes with Rey--despite his belief that the dark/chaos has a place in the world, he does not encourage exploring it, which is exactly the very thing that led to Anakin’s downfall and to the downfall of the jedi, though Luke probably isn’t aware of that. 

So we come back, again, to Ben’s similarities with Rey--what is it that Snoke (or the womb pit in Rey’s case) has to offer that Luke doesn’t? The knowledge of the shadow side--the full ability to integrate into a whole personality. Snoke can give Ben the other half of the training Ben needs to actualize himself--and I think this is an unconscious desire of Ben’s, not a conscious one, because Ben’s naturally an empath and an intuitive person, not a rationalist. This is the real reason Snoke is attractive for Ben, despite the fact that ordinarily I think Ben would find Snoke repugnant (as he clearly does in TLJ). 

Ben’s journey mirrors Rey’s in a lot of ways, though he’s “further along” than she is up until the mirror scene. Once she accepts her dark sides and her anxieties, she pulls ahead of Ben in development, because he gets “trapped” in the underworld when he ventures in to find himself. This is likely because, unlike Rey, Ben did not willingly enter the underworld. He was driven to it. This is the difference between willingly taking a risk and unwillingly being forced to--Rey retains her agency while Ben cannot; Ben is subsumed by the dark forces of the underworld and dragged deeper to become weakened, while Rey is able to touch it briefly and then escape back into the light stronger for the adventure and with a pearl of wisdom at hand. 

When Luke rejects Ben, this leaves Ben with the only other option that fulfills his deepest desire--go to Snoke and integrate his shadow side by learning from a dark master. This is a very dangerous path and for Ben to take it only as a “last alternative” plays right into Snoke’s hands--Ben now becomes trapped in Snoke’s cage and needs to be rescued or killed in order to be freed from it. It’s a strong prison and one that will take more than what Ben has in him alone to overcome. Had Ben taken the path willingly, he might have overcome Snoke far sooner and with much less torment and destruction. 

This is why Ben can’t abandon his legacy entirely though--if he did, he would be an incomplete person. I think the force knew this, and so that’s why it found an alternative to help him. The force seems to be very active in this sequel series, almost a kind of universal collective that’s trying to guide everyone to a greater path, even if it means taking a detour now and then. So we find that Ben has several reasons why Snoke was the only path he could take, despite having alternatives: 

He still wants to be loved by a father figure because he’s not actualized as a person.

He’s subconsciously seeking integration with his own dark side, something Luke has denied him out of fear. 

Wherever he goes, Snoke will follow anyway. Probably even if he shut off the force.

In addition to these, there’s one more thing that Ben probably would never want to acknowledge that is driving him: in truth, he has no desire to run from the legacy he was born under (he’s actually quite proud of it)--he wants to make his own mark on his legacy. But in a dichotomous worldview (and before Rey), he only has two options for making his mark upon his family’s history: be “good” like his family and probably be forgotten due to there being no great war to fight, or become “bad” and surpass the only member of the family to ever have “gone bad.” 

If we assume that Ben didn’t learn about Vader until he was in his late teens/early twenties, it may be that this suddenly opened up a temptation for him that coincided with his own subconscious desire to explore his dark side: he found out his legacy was “bigger” than just heroes--there were “villains” as well, specifically only one villain. While he could never be greater than Han, or Leia, or Luke, maybe he could be greater than Vader--and being greater Vader, as a larger presence than all three of his close kin, would make Ben himself greater than his own family. If he could surpass Vader, he’d be the greatest Skywalker of all--a ruler of galaxies feared and never forgotten.

It’s likely this fantasy (which probably was a fantasy exacerbated by his teenage anger at his family for discarding him and at his fellow padawans for being resentful and his own hubris over how great his abilities were) that Snoke stoked and encouraged. This is the fantasy we see being played out between them, the carrot Snoke continues to dangle before Ben in TFA and which he removes in TLJ: the idea of surpassing Vader, and by extension surpassing the burden of his legacy entirely to mold it into a new legacy, a legacy entirely of his own.

This is why, I think, Ben becomes Kylo Ren--he wants to redefine and reshape his legacy into something he is master of, rather than something he’s crushed under or manipulated by. He wants to devour his legacy and rise above it, rather than being devoured by it. Snoke and his own ambitions seduce him into thinking that this is the only way to truly make his mark on the world, and this is the reason why I don’t think his motive (before Rey and TLJ) is to discard his legacy, despite the burdens it’s placed on him. Kylo can bear his legacy and wants to bear his legacy. It’s all he has. It’s all he’s ever had. He was born with it. It’s the only thing that’s never left him. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to be its pawn. He wants to be in charge of it. To do this, he has to transform himself and join the dark side. 

Of course, the problem with this is...unlike Anakin, who truly did fall to the dark, Kylo is playing. It’s a fantasy he’s acting out, and not his true desire, which is simply to actualize himself and find his place in the world. (A positive place, not a negative one.) Kylo doesn’t want to be evil, and this is why he has such a hard time playing the part. We see this in TFA; while he’s good at pretending he’s tough in front of soldiers who he orders to do the actual killing (rather than killing himself) and while he’s snarky and quippy and capable of force-extracting info from resistance members, he’s still an empath who is deeply troubled and deeply sympathetic. We see this when he lets Finn go despite knowing what he’s going to do, we see this when he admits his doubts to the Vader mask, we see this when he takes his temper tantrums out on objects rather than people, we see this when he forgets his goals to try to understand Rey, we even see it when he is moved by his father’s love. 

Likely what happens between Ben’s initial choice to “become” Kylo Ren and the events of TFA is that he slowly becomes demoralized and disillusioned about what Snoke has to offer him. He switches from playing the “good son” in order to genuinely please Snoke to playing the part simply to stay alive. Snoke is all he has, but Snoke is abusive, cruel, manipulative, and downright nasty. Kylo isn’t a child--he knows exactly what kind of person Snoke is. And likely as the years pass and he continues to be unable to free himself from Snoke, he begins to lose the last remnants of faith in himself and to crumble under the pressure. This is why we see him plaintively begging Vader for help in TFA--he’s lost and can’t escape. Some dead guy he never met is his only hope. That’s pretty sad. 

Fortunately, the force hears him (maybe even with Anakin’s help), and brings him his salvation, though he won’t know she is until the third film I think. For the first time in a long time, Ben receives some of the validation he’s been seeking--in the form of Rey taking him seriously as a threat, but also overcoming him as an equal. The interrogation scene both puffs up his ego and tears it down simultaneously, and, as we see from his reaction when he races to Snoke, it’s an exhilarating experience for him. Snoke, stupidly, doesn’t see the danger of the fox who’s entered the henhouse, and he instead sees Rey as a new way to twist Kylo further. 

Then Kylo proves himself by performing the ultimate act--he’s not yet taken by the alternative Rey’s existence provides, and so he continues to pursue his fantasy of becoming greater than Vader by doing what Vader couldn’t--sacrificing a parent. It’s probably easiest to sacrifice Han in some ways because Han was the first to abandon Kylo and the last to understand him. Yet at the same time, which we learn from TLJ, Han’s murder destroyed Kylo and left him unable to continue the path he’d set out to conquer. Rather than making him stronger and firmly setting his dark side as his prominent alignment, Kylo disintegrates and breaks down. All that’s left to him in this moment is the faint thread connecting him to Rey, and this leads to his violent anger at Finn as well as his offer to Rey of training. She’s the last thing he has; all his fantasies and illusions have begun breaking down due to his own actions. But the force separates him from Rey, and he is returned to Snoke because it’s not time yet for her to reach him. 

His meltdown continues in TLJ; his loss to Rey shatters the remainder of his pride and his murder of his father and the loss of Rey sunder his foundations, but the encounter with Rey (and how deeply he affected her) has birthed something new within him that’s only fledgling in form at the beginning of the film: a new desire, a new wish, even if he can’t verbalize it or even acknowledge it because of Snoke’s mental spying. Rey’s existence brings hope back into his life--hope of finding a path that allows him to achieve his dream (which is to make his mark on his own legacy) while escaping the clutches of the dark side he’s become trapped and mired in. 

We see this begin to play out in his first scene in the film, when he appears before Snoke. There is so much undercurrent in this scene it’s quite a revelation in and of itself. His rivalry with Hux continues, and Snoke stokes it, but it’s not nearly as strong as it was in TFA. Something has changed inside Kylo, and Snoke initially assumes (mistakenly) that it’s a weakening. Snoke taunts Kylo about his failures and rubs salt in the clear wound. He commands Kylo to remove his mask, exposing his vulnerability. Kylo, who in TFA was firmly on the path of playing the “good son” to Snoke, despite knowing the truth of the words his father said to him in TFA long before his father uttered them, now in TLJ has transformed--for the first time in his life, he has taken on the mantle of the rebellious son, and it’s an uncomfortable and unfamiliar role for him. 

Gone is the reverence for Snoke, gone is the obedience. Snoke mocks Kylo, throwing his resemblance to his father in his face. Rather than beg for mercy or agree, Kylo snaps back that he killed his father and he didn’t hesitate when the time came. He for the first time defends himself, and this is probably the first time he’s ever done this in his life. It is the mark of something new that has awakened in him, something that his own actions and the small thread of connection to Rey have sparked. Having destroyed his own father, he has toppled the paradigm of fatherhood itself and has opened the door to rebellion against authority for the first time in his life. 

Unfortunately, this role isn’t one Kylo’s comfortable with, so Snoke quickly shuts him down by pointing out that he’s a hot mess, which Kylo is forced to acknowledge even though he tries to stick his nose in the air and maintain his pride--Snoke’s words are true, as they often are. And then Snoke makes his first mistake of the film--he tries to diminish Kylo’s achievement by pointing out his lack of balance and, of course, his failure to defeat Rey. 

What I find interesting at this moment in the scene between them, and what will reverberate later in the final red room sequence, is that Kylo has probably never actually attempted to fight Snoke before in his life. Yet the minute Snoke tries to diminish Rey and use her as a weapon against Kylo, Kylo moves. Now, a casual viewer might say that the reason Kylo attacks Snoke is because Snoke poked his pride. The problem I have with this interpretation is that Kylo would have needed to move after Snoke said he failed. But Kylo is already in motion while Snoke is speaking the failure line, meaning the point Snoke made that pissed Kylo off to the point of wanting to fight was the comment about Rey. 

Now, we know Kylo doesn’t feel ashamed of himself for being bested by her. (Mostly because I don’t think he was, and I think he knows he wasn’t--not that he let her win, but that he didn’t want to best her, and honestly I’ve always believed that he was okay with her killing him in that moment simply because of how much he likely hated himself. I think he kind of saw her as an avenging angel in a way, and would have been all right being defeated by her.) The reason we know he wasn’t ashamed of being bested by her is because his first reaction upon seeing her again is to light up like it’s Christmas. That’s...not a normal reaction for seeing someone who’s caused you to feel ashamed of yourself. =P (More on that later of course.)

So this leaves me with only one conclusion for why he stands against Snoke for probably the first time in his life in that first scene--Snoke insulted the bae, and you don’t insult the bae and escape. This scene is foreshadowing for his choice later in the film. It’s also foreshadowing for the manner in which he kills Snoke--we see here that a full frontal assault against Snoke is useless, and thus cunning has to be employed instead. For the first time in his life, Kylo will have to use his own strength and knowledge to outwit a being far stronger than he is. 

In this moment, Kylo takes the first step toward what is a journey, at last, into manhood--his stunted and frozen growth is at last thawing into spring. It’ll be incomplete in TLJ, of course, because this is the midpoint of the story. But the key points of the first Snoke scene are three-fold: foreshadow Kylo’s ultimate alignment and choice in the red room sequence, establish his switch from “good son” to “rebellious son,” and to demonstrate that Kylo, in the murdering of his father, has torn down the mystique of the “father figure” and so father figures no longer hold any power over him. 

This is further emphasized by Snoke calling Kylo a child at the end of the sequence, and Kylo storming off in anger to the elevator. The first thing he does is destroy his mask. What does the mask symbolize to him in that moment? Likely it’s the obedience to the father. And so he, like any good prodigal son, heads out to go destroy some people and prove his worth in his own way. But for the first time he’s begun to contemplate rebellion and what rebellion means. He’s picking up on the lessons he’d left off on in his teenage years, when Uncle Luke betrayed him and helped push him down the path of exploring the underworld alone. Now he’s more conflicted and lost than ever, as the remainder of his choices will demonstrate. He’s been unmoored by his actions in TFA, and although he never speaks a word about them, they seep out of everything he does.

Love for Mother

My brother said to me that he doesn’t believe Kylo has any special feelings for his mother over his father, and that if Leia had gone to Kylo first, Kylo would have killed her. I thought about this for a while, but I still don’t buy it. Kylo’s very focused on authority/order/father figures. He has virtually no animosity toward the feminine in any way--he’s open with his emotions, he’s sensitive, he’s compassionate under the right circumstances. All of this implies, to me, that he’s a mama’s boy who was abandoned by mama, not a sociopath who doesn’t care about either of his parents and could have easily killed both of them. The reason I think Han was arguably the “easiest” simply is because Han was the one he was the furthest from emotionally--even fighting Luke was harder for him than killing Han. 

The scene with Kylo coming to attack Leia is so subtle but it breaks my heart to pieces. This boy knows the inside and outside of her ship; he’s the first to get into her hanger and blow up her ace’s vehicles. Yet even though he knows every inch of the resistance ships, he still hesitates when the moment comes to take his mommy down (and seriously that face could not kill mommy--Adam Driver does such a phenomenal job at breaking down like a child in that scene--that’s clearly a boy who wants to come home but who knows he can’t). And when two other First Order pilots do the favor for him, he clearly is distraught by the choice being taken from him. 

I’m pretty sure his first instinct was to go after her when he saw she was blown out of the command center. That’s why we get that bizarre sequence where Hux tells him to pull back because he’s too far out--what other reason would he have to do that other than to search for Leia? Of course, once Hux shines a spotlight on him, he has to pull out or risk whatever punishment Snoke’ll be sending his way, which is why he gets snarly about complying. While he was willing to rebel a bit, he’s fresh off his failure to actually achieve anything in that scene. There’s no way he could rebel against Snoke for Leia in this instance. 

Still, it’s telling that he wanted to try. This is more evidence of how torn up he is--on the one hand, he’s destroying his mother’s allies and helping bring her down, but on the other his impulse is to go save her the minute she’s in danger. Snoke as usual has it right: his light and dark sides are out of balance. 

The reason I don’t think Kylo is willing to betray Snoke for Leia, but he will for Rey, is for the same reasons why he won’t join Rey to fight the First Order, which I’ll get into more later. But in short, Leia (and Han before her) can only offer him the same thing he left Luke over--more neglect and a return to the status quo, where he’s buried under their legacy and unable to distinguish himself and--worse--due to his own actions, now unable to avoid the vitriol of those he fought against. He can’t return to Leia yet. There’s no place for him in her world yet. This was the same problem he had with Han’s offer--Han could only give him a return to the place he (rightfully) no longer believes he can return to because of how much damage he’s caused. He’s gone too far down Snoke’s path, he’s lived too long in the underworld, to come back to the light on his own. Like Eurydice, he’s going to need someone to bargain with Hades and lead him out into the light. 

Anther factor in why Leia can’t save Kylo, I think, is because in all those years she never tried. She never dropped her duties and obligations to the resistance and the republic to chase down Snoke and get her son back. It’s the same reason why Luke can’t save him--Kylo spent nearly 6 years under Snoke’s thumb and his family never came for him. They’re only trying to “save” him now because he “happened” to be in their vicinity--he had to come to them, not vice versa. And this is another reason why Rey will ultimately be the only one who can reach him--just as he will tear the galaxy apart for her, she will fly to wherever he is no matter the risk or the cost. Both of them will place the other above their duties and obligations, and that’s what each of them is seeking. 

Speaking of, I guess it’s now time to dig into Kylo’s side of the Reylo in this film. ;)

First Love, True Love

It’s hard to fathom how much development happens across four short scenes between Kylo and Rey in the middle of TLJ, and even more astounding is how much depth those scenes contain. For easy reference, just note that I’ll be referring to the force connection scenes as FC1 (the first scene where Rey shoots Kylo), FC2 (the rain sequence), FC3 (the shirtless sequence), and FC4 (the hand touch sequence). Shorthand helps in long posts like this. ;)

Before I go into the sequences themselves, I want to talk about what is--and is not--revealed by Kylo about himself in these scenes. For a film whose deepest purpose was to explore Kylo Ren himself and help us answer questions as to why he ended up where he was, we get remarkably little information from the man himself. 

I think the reason for this is actually two-fold: 

As I said earlier in the “Welcome to the Dark Side” section, Snoke has access to Kylo’s mind at any time and can be reading it at any moment (how often he actually does this is anyone’s guess--but the mere threat of it is enough to affect how Kylo reacts). That raises the likelihood that Kylo is constantly filtering what he says and even what he thinks. It’s honestly a travesty Rey isn’t allowed to see glimpses of how Snoke infiltrated Kylo’s mind and broke him down, but even worse is the effect this has on the viewer--how much of what Kylo is saying a trustworthy and honest representation of his viewpoint? How much of it, much like Rey, is thinly veiled behind “appropriate” (but this time for Dark Side users rather than Light Side) thoughts for a First Order man to have? The threat of Snoke’s presence makes it virtually impossible for us to know the “real” Kylo because Kylo is likely censoring or veiling his words and his thoughts--he speaks cryptically to Rey in regard to anything about his family or his real reasons for doing things (such as the murder of Han Solo, which, I might add, we still have no idea why he actually went through with it). 

The other reason I think is that Kylo himself views his actions and motivations as reprehensible but due to reason 1 above and due to how far he’s gone into darkside territory, he doesn’t see any hope for himself other than to keep treading the path he’s on. He isn’t nihilistic enough to contemplate suicide, but he’s not finding any meaning in the dark side either. To explore any third option, he needs to break completely from the dark side.

Honestly, Kylo’s character leaves me completely flummoxed. Ordinarily a villain would try to justify his actions to the hero, but despite having the opportunity, Kylo never does that. When Rey throws barbs at him about being a monster and a murderer, he never once tries to help her see his point of view or justify his actions to her. For a man who killed his father to clear his head (supposedly), this is just ridiculously bizarre behavior. He’s obviously hurt on a personal level by her judgment of him, but he never once says it’s unreasonable of her or disagrees with her (he even acknowledges she’s right). For him to accept that he’s a monster is an odd thing to do for someone who thinks their actions are heroic or justified.

Given that, as I established earlier, Kylo is becoming disillusioned with what Snoke has to offer him and what the dark side itself has to offer him, it does make sense that he wouldn’t view his actions from TFA and before in a favorable light. Given that he comes from the dichotomous world of light/dark of Luke’s jedi training, he should have at least something of a moral compass, even if it’s been deconstructed due to misuse. It reminds me a bit of how the idea of an “ideal” is two-sided: on the one hand, it’s a North Star and a goal to chase and pursue, on the other hand it is a judge, flooding a spotlight on all your imperfections and inabilities to live up to the ideal. There is some ideal in Kylo’s head, I think, that he’s failing to live up to and he’s lashing out against it--perhaps this is part of the light side legacy he’s running from. But it seems to me the reason he so desperately wants to cut all his ties to the past and bring the whole house down on his own family is that they remind him of what he should have been but is not because of his own choices. 

He’s a remarkable character who actually takes responsibility for his evil, but doesn’t seem to know what to do to rectify the wrong he’s done, so he continues to commit wrongs in order to try to reach an equilibrium in his own tortured mind. Maybe he’s even hoping to a degree that if he keeps it up, if he keeps doing further into the dark, one day the light will cease to torment him and he’ll be free of it. This to me is more reminiscent of a terrorist or a war criminal than a sociopathic mass murderer, despite the egregious nature of his crimes. Hux seems to be more in line with a genuine monster--a man who has thrown away his humanity in order to pursue an inverted goal of meaningless nihilism; Kylo, on the other hand, just seems to be unable to find a way to extricate him from the prison he’s constructed around himself. Yet he’s still self-centered and childish enough to want to try to save himself from the consequences of his actions; he’s not yet ready to legitimately take on the burden of the mantle of what he himself has contributed to the misery of the world. We all have the ability to tune the world slightly more toward heaven or hell, and Kylo has tuned the world toward hell. He’ll need to pay for that at some point, and to bear those consequences with a willing and humble heart. 

So given all of this, we begin this sequence of force connection scenes with a Kylo who is cagey and unable to fully express himself--yet is desperately seeking to explore this new connection with Rey. Because of this, what I think he does (and we can see evidence for this in the way he talks to her) is attempt to help her both understand him and warn her against making his mistakes by using her own history and actions as dual-layered metaphors for himself. And for some reason, I think Rey understands this weird way of speaking, probably because their minds are bridged and she can see “what he means” in a way most people wouldn’t be able to.

In FC1, their first force connection moment, we establish a couple interesting things about Kylo. First is that he’s not unhappy or displeased to see Rey--rather, the minute their minds connect, his eyes and face light up. Her presence is welcome to him, almost a gift he hadn’t been expecting. This tells us immediately that he holds no grudge against her for what she did to him in TFA, nor does he feel diminished by her (after all, he still bears her scar, and though he’s healing it up so that it’s not a gaping wound, he’s not removing it entirely and he’s not ashamed to bear her mark at any point in TLJ)--instead, he still holds all the admiration, respect, and adoration he held for her ever since he first saw into her mind in the forest. Even more interesting, her first response is to attack him, and rather than attempt to deflect (as he did in TFA), he flinches, fully believing he’s been shot. So right away we can see this man leaves himself deliberately vulnerable to this young woman, even though he fully knows she has a penchant for “shoot first, talk later.” So for the second time it’s confirmed that he is okay with whatever “justice” this young woman wants to enact upon him--she, and only she, may take him to account for his wrongdoing. This probably will be significant in the future for Episode IX.

After the shooting sequence, he goes racing into the hallway, skidding like an eager schoolboy, searching for her. When he turns back to see her, he tries one last time to bring her to him (in an acceptable way of course; with Luke in tow lol). She’s too strong for any mind games now, and he gives up the minute he realizes it. It’s like he just doesn’t even care anymore; it was just a test. There’s a wonderful scientific bent to his personality that implies he was probably a huge nerd when he was Ben Solo--he’s testing the limits of this new connection, what it can do, why it works the way it does. Rey’s busy fuming, and he’s like a kid in a candy store babbling about the limits of space and time. 

We not only see his experimenter’s mentality, we see his intuitive perception as well. He should by rights have no idea where Rey even is--as he says himself, he can’t see her surroundings, he can only see her. Yet the minute she turns her head upon Luke’s arrival, he knows who has arrived. What’s weird in this moment, at least to me, is that there’s virtually none of the vitriol toward Luke that he shows toward the end of the film. He doesn’t spit Luke’s name like it’s venomous or snarl or show anything other than curiosity. It’s something I’m not sure what to make of yet, other than perhaps it has something to do with how his world crashes down around him when Rey rejects his proposal. More on that later. 

The one last thing we see in FC1 which is just mind boggling given by this point in the story they’ve had only a whopping three small scenes together is how he looks at her when he says he can only see her--it’s like he’s seeing this vision of angelic beauty and is experiencing some transcendent idea of grace in that moment. Again, props to Adam Driver for his amazing performance (I have no idea why he wasn’t nominated for the Oscars seriously it’s a shame), but I think given his expression it’s very clear that the boy is mad about this girl and it has nothing to do with her abilities or power. I think if she were just a normal girl with no ability at all, he’d probably still be this wild about her. Her ability may have been the first thing that interested him, but at this point he’s gone beyond that, and in such a short time on top of it. 

We don’t get to see him again until FC2, and unfortunately unlike Rey we don’t get to see how he feels about FC1. When we pick up with him again, he’s standing alone, quietly contemplating something as he observes the First Order hangar bay. Honestly, from his body language and the way his head gently curves down upon their next connection, I’d say he was waiting for them to connect again. He’s highly intuitive as a character, and I can’t imagine he thought it wouldn’t happen again. 

In all their scenes there is a deep sexual undercurrent between them, and this is the first scene where it’s palpable not just in the subtext but also in the visual metaphors. He gets to have a bit of the voyeur’s experience while he watches her revel in the rain. The rain’s a powerful symbol of the feminine, as rain heals and brings new life. This is the scene of their mutual sexual awakening, and it culminates in the rain itself appearing on his cheek. This is simultaneously a metaphor for a wet dream in his case and also foreshadowing for his ability to force project into her space the way he will by FC4. In essence, as far as I can tell, this is the mutual “hitting puberty full speed” scene for both of them, which makes sense, given both of them have been “frozen” up until this point. After this scene, the sexual undercurrent between them changes form and becomes more akin to that between teenagers in teen flicks. We’re still not yet at the adult range these two should actually be interacting within (they’re both actually adults), but I’m sure that will happen in the third film, when they’re both ready to take on the responsibilities of adult partnership. 

Beyond the sexual subtext, Kylo is a gabby gus while Rey is still unable to move on from her own anger and rage that she’s projecting onto him (not without good reason of course). Poor Kylo is still trying to figure out why this cool thing is happening to them and Rey just does not give any shits, haha. This shows they’re on different pages still, and what I love about how Kylo handles her is that he gently backs off and follows whatever direction she wants to take the conversation in. If Kylo had a zodiac sign, he’s probably a cancer or a scorpio haha. He just screams water. Rey’s more fire/earth (I’m not sure which yet since she seems to have elements from both--maybe she’s got one as a moon and one as a sun). Though it’d make sense if Kylo was a cancer (the deepest/furthest point in the zodiac) and Rey a capricorn (the highest/loftiest point in the zodiac). Anyway, that’s neither here nor there.

In this scene though, Rey hurts Kylo the most. When she calls him a murderous snake, his face becomes immediately crestfallen and his early cheerful questions fall away. He then asks her if she knows what happened between him and Luke. She then hurts him again, but he’s ready for it this time. What I love about how he handles his hurt though, is that he never attacks her or defends against her; he accepts her spears in his heart and lets her stab him over and over again. Rather than attacking back, he plays up the rising sexual tension between them (another reason I think he’s better socialized than TFA lets on, because this is not something a man as stunted as he is should be able to do with this level of dexterity) to seduce her instead. Rather than reading her mind, he looks deeply into her eyes and croons agreement with her, which immediately throws into doubt how much truth is in her barbs. He then reminds her of their encounter at the end of TFA, which shows how deeply that scene affected him. 

Then Rey does something for him which I think is very important, though I’m not sure she knows it--she validates him by asserting he is a monster. Remember, this guy just went through a scene with Snoke where Snoke told him he’s still a child in a mask. Rey acknowledges Kylo’s destructive power as a man, which reaffirms him right after Snoke has torn him down. Obviously this isn’t a healthy affirmation, but the point here is that Rey rebuilds what Snoke has torn apart. Kylo’s pride is beginning to heal because she sees and accepts the existence of the very real and powerful darkness within him here. And he, fully knowing himself and knowing how far gone he is, affirms her assertion. What I think is interesting here is that despite it seeming clear he’s hurt that she sees him as a monster, he doesn’t disagree with her assessment. It’s just that he seems to wish she’d see he’s more than “just” a monster--that rather than being a bogeyman, he’s a man--capable of both the monstrous and the altruistic. I think this is a sign that he wants her--and only her--to see him as “more” than he himself sees himself, which is a sign he’s beginning to realign with the “ideal” again because of her. Yet he can’t refute her assertion, because he’s not a dishonest person and that’s his own assessment of himself. It’ll take something more to pull him out of this. 

So yet again, between FC2 and FC3 we don’t get to see Kylo’s thoughts, but given how...deliberately...he’s staged himself in FC3, and how bizarre it is for him to be removing his shirt in the middle of the damn day, I’d say chances are higher on the “waiting around for the next connection to show off his assets to the bae” side of things than “just happened to be working out when Rey force skyped him” side of things. =P Plus the way he says “yeah, me too” to her before she sees the state he’s in just screams “liar.” He was waiting for her and hoping to connect again. =P

What I love about his reaction to Rey in FC3 is that he just doesn’t make anything easy on her--this boy has decided to seduce the pants off her and by golly he’s not giving her an inch. But what’s really cool about this is that he leaves it as subtext; he’s offering himself to her as feast for her eyes to devour, but he doesn’t try to make her uncomfortable, nor does he actively provoke her. FC3 is actually one of the deepest connections they make in the film, despite its silly beginning. She gets worked up and upset that he killed his father and begs him for an answer--he’s clearly moved to compassion by her pain, but given the restrictions on his ability to speak about his true motives, he can only offer her an insubstantial “I didn’t hate him.” This is the closest he’s come to being able to admit there was more going on with the Han scene than even we the viewers may know--I still lean toward the interpretation that he never wanted to kill Han, but that Snoke had made it clear that in order to “stay” with Snoke, if he and Han ever crossed paths, Kylo had to kill Han or he would lose his place. Of course, this doesn’t absolve Kylo of the consequences of his choice, but it does make the whole thing more nuanced than merely “Kylo is an evil villain who kills his dad for ‘reasons’.” Unfortunately, I’m not sure we’ll ever get to find out what was really going on because...Rey honestly doesn’t give two figs for why Kylo really killed Han, which...we’ll get into that more in the future Reylo post, lol. For now it’s enough to say that we can now reinterpret TFA through this new lens--Kylo’s anger and hurt with his father did not mean he hated him, and his desire to go home with his dad now that his dad had finally come for him was likely very real. If Han had come with Leia, I do wonder if Snoke would have had a chance and it just breaks my damn heart over and over again that they both ran away from their son and left him in Snoke’s hands rather than uniting their strengths and tearing the galaxy apart to get him back. 

But this small comment is as much as Kylo can give us; when Rey demands further explanation, he redirects the focus back to her. As I said before, he speaks to her in a sort of mirrored way--what he says about her is equally true about himself. He reminds her that her parents threw her away like garbage but she’s still unable to free herself from him. Now at this point, this guy knows nothing about her parents--he himself doesn’t find out the truth until he receives whatever is in his vision when they touch hands. All he knows is what he gleaned from her mind in TFA, which is her own loneliness from all the years of waiting. Of course, he’s intuitive, so his words hit the mark because in the end he’s right. But his words are still about himself as well. He tells her that she’s looking for her parents inside these alternative father figures (Han, Luke). The funny thing is...I don’t really think she sees a father figure in Luke. Han, for sure, she did. But Luke is more like...a legend to her, an unreal being. So what Kylo’s doing here is actually revealing his own actions--he is the one who was looking for Han inside Luke, and then Snoke. And of course you can’t replace the father with other father figures very easily, especially not when your own father is still alive and a very real presence in your life. 

He then asks her again if Luke told her want happened the night he burned the temple. What’s so weird here is the way Adam delivers the line. It’s not at all accusatory or angry--it’s tender and gentle. He’s trying to help Rey see something here, and this is why I think he’s trying to help her avoid the mistakes he himself made. He gives her his alternative version and warns her that there are men out there who will be afraid of her power and seek to destroy her. This is as much about Snoke as it is about Luke, but he hides it behind Luke. And then he gives her the most helpful advice he could have at the moment--he encourages her to get stronger by letting the past die. Now, he of course adds “kill it if you have to,” which most people I think would assume he’s talking about his own father. But I don’t think he is. I think this is yet another mirror into his own psyche--he intends to kill his own past by taking down Snoke. I’d read somewhere that Rian said Kylo was planning to kill Snoke by the time we reach the elevator scene before the red room sequence, and if that’s true, then it’s something he’s been considering for longer than the elevator scene. Snoke is his past, like Han and Luke, and the one who will be taking the full variant of his own advice is Kylo himself. However, his advice also gives Rey the push she needs to face her own dark side, and ironically he becomes what he wanted to be in TFA--her teacher and her guide to the “ways of the force,” or full integration, if you will.

What I love about this is that unlike Snoke (who wanted to control and direct Kylo as a tool), when Kylo sees Rey’s potential he wants to help her integrate and actualize herself to her full potential. His true motives are freaking altruistic and in her best interest. In a true sense he frees her from herself and her own prison by encouraging her to face the test head on. It’s just brilliant that Rian had him do this. Kylo does for Rey what Snoke would not do for him, and thus he helps transform her into the very thing that can save him in the end, and that can restore order and true balance to the galaxy. Simply by encouraging her to become a fully formed human being, simply by giving her the freedom to find what that means for herself, he opens the door at last to the light he’s been desperately seeking beneath his pretenses of darkness.

This leads us to FC4, which reiterates Kylo’s role as Rey’s mentor in the dark side--he listens patiently as she pours her heart out, and all he offers her is a gentle reminder that he’s here by her side and she’s not alone. He never once diminishes her achievement, and he’s completely supportive of her discovery, yet at the same time he doesn’t attempt to “preach” to her what her experience meant or lord his superior wisdom over her--at all times, he is just a supportive presence allowing her to interpret the experience for herself. And because he has freed her, she sees him in a whole new light--she sees that there is “more” to the monster than she she knew. To his compassion and support, she at last offers him the only thing that could ever have moved him--her affection and loyalty. You can see how much this moves him playing out on his face the minute she extends her hand to him. 

When she extends her hand, Kylo at last makes his choice. And this time he truly doesn’t hesitate--the minute her hand is offered, he whips that glove off and reaches for her. What’s remarkable about this moment, and what completely underscores it, is that we actually see him literally force project himself into the room with her; Luke actually sees him when he bursts in on them. Kylo clearly chooses his “side” and it’s to be with her, and that brings him to her. 

What happens next for him, sadly, we don’t get to see. But given how unsurprised he is to see her ship herself to him in her little coffin, I’d say he intuitively knew she’d come for him. Being the troll he is, and wanting to fool Snoke, he still has to give her a bit of trouble before they enter the throne room. But his expression when he sees her again is a bouncy, cocky one--he’s got his spunk back, and while he’s delighted that she came for him, he’s also leaning a bit toward the “why are you doing this to yourself you dummy” side of things. But I think we can assume at this point that whatever he saw in his own vision when their hands touched, it gave him just as much confidence as it gave her that things would work out if they were together. 

Before I leave the force connection section and head into the meat of their story in this film, I want to point out how important it is that Kylo believes their connection is natural and unconnected to Snoke. Kylo is as genuine as he can be under the circumstances, and he allowed himself to be more vulnerable than perhaps was wise. Rey rewarded his vulnerability with acceptance, and the sincerity between them is hugely important to Kylo. To have it tarnished by Snoke’s interference is a huge blow to what the force connection means to Kylo, and it has some seriously detrimental effects on how he handles Rey after the red room scene. But, hey, why not just get to the fun part and cease stalling?

Decision Point

So the elevator scene is mostly remarkable from a combined Reylo perspective, but I’ll briefly touch on it from Kylo’s end because there’s a few nuggets to enjoy here. Kylo’s body language is very self-contained and controlled, but his face is a different story. Clearly he’s trying to maintain his composure because he’s preparing for what he knows he has to do in the next sequence (take down the man who, only a few hours before, bested him handily the minute he even tried to rebel). He’s not nearly as gabby with Rey anymore--he’s now the more stoic character while she’s the talker. It’s super cute how they switch roles in this scene--she can’t resist talking away while he just listens. Still, his body language alone speaks volumes--he’s chosen her and now he’s openly adoring everything about her. She came for him, she dressed up for him, she’s looking at him like that--all of this serves to strengthen his resolve to be by her side at all costs. How warm and wonderful she is, how openly seductive, how natural--all of it is what he knows he wants for himself, more than any crusty old mentor. ;) He does offer her an alternative to her own naive vision of them, but honestly...I’m not so sure his vision is wrong. I’ll talk more about the visions in the future Reylo post, but I suspect their visions weren’t from the same time period. Even hers might not be. i think they both may have just assumed the visions were about the near future, when really they’re about Episode IX’s events. Or hers were of the near future while his weren’t. But more on that in a future post. For now it’s sufficient to say that her response to him in the elevator sequence is more than enough to bolster his courage for the next trial.

There is a lot going on subtextually in the red room sequence, but before it even starts there’s this wonderful little moment where Kylo gently guides Rey forward with his hand on her elbow. This is traditionally a reassuring position, and this is reiterated when he releases her--he doesn’t shove her or push her forward, merely allows his hand to fall and hover in the air slightly before he kneels before Snoke. Kylo’s body language is really important throughout this scene, and the interplay between him and Snoke is actually the crux of the scene, though the strength of his bond with Rey is also important. I’ll be dealing with his bond with Rey in the Reylo post; for now I want to focus on the Kylo vs. Snoke dynamic, and how that will influence the proposal sequence.

The first thing Snoke does here is restore Kylo’s “place” as the “good son.” Remember, Snoke had stripped Kylo of this previously. But this restoration is actually meant to tear apart Kylo’s bond with Rey--Snoke knows Kylo thought his connection with Rey was genuine, and he’s making it clear that even in this Kylo was merely Snoke’s pawn. It’s a reminder to Kylo that he has no agency and no way out. He’s a bird in Snoke’s cage, and anything that happens to him is at Snoke’s pleasure. 

As I mentioned in the earlier “Welcome to the Dark Side” section, Snoke stupidly sees Rey as yet another means to twist the knife in Kylo’s side. Like any manipulator, he’s trying to use Kylo’s attachments against him to further Snoke’s own goals. This is where he underestimates Kylo, because he’s looking down on him and on the power a connection--a real connection--with Rey means to him. 

Throughout the conversation with Rey, Snoke is using his words to actually needle Kylo. Snoke has no interest in Rey other than as a tool to tear Kylo apart. He knows Kylo is affected by Rey (how could he not when he reads Kylo’s mind), and so he purposely twists the knife, pulls it out, and stabs it back in to twist it again as much as he can in this scene. I know Snoke comes across as a bit over the top and cartoony in this scene, but I think some of that is because he’s really playing it over the top in order to make a point to Kylo. 

Sweet Rey of course defends Kylo, because she truly does believe in him, but Snoke makes light of her assertions. Here is where he cuts Kylo to the point where doubt begins to form again in Kylo’s mind--he asserts that he is the one who bridged them together (which honestly I still call BS on--I firmly believe the force connected them during the interrogation scene and again during the snow fight, but I’ll explore that in the Reylo post). Regardless, what this does is place a kernel of doubt inside Kylo about the legitimacy of his connection to Rey (Snoke is really good at this crap; this is probably how he got Kylo to doubt his family too, with these tiiiiiny little “truth” bombs). On the surface it looks like Snoke is trying to deflate Rey’s belief in Kylo, but in reality he’s cutting down Kylo’s belief in Rey. The reason we know this is because when Snoke speaks of their minds being bridged by him, we don’t cut to Rey--we cut to Kylo. It is Kylo’s reaction to this that matters, not Rey’s (mostly because I think Rey, like me, knows this is BS and knows “where” their connection came from--it’s the very connection that she, as I mentioned in my Rey post, fled to Luke to figure out in the first place--a connection forged by their encounters in TFA). But Kylo has had to deal with so much betrayal in his life that this (as Snoke surely knows) is a blow to his faith in Rey. Rey hasn’t had as many betrayals as Kylo (and I’m really not sure she considers her parents’ situation a betrayal per se, honestly), so she’s hardier in this sense than he is and more resilient to Snoke’s little truth bombs. 

Snoke then twists the knife further by saying Kylo’s vulnerability and offer of connection to Rey was merely a honey trap to lure Rey to Snoke. This hurts Kylo on a completely different level (as Snoke surely knows)--that his very desire to connect with Rey has brought her into danger and potentially this revelation by Snoke will destroy Rey’s faith in Kylo. In this moment, Kylo could potentially lose Rey simply because he doesn’t know for sure if she has faith in him that’s stronger than Snoke’s barbs. (Of course she’ll prove she does later in this very scene when she continues to call him by name.)

We’re only allowed one small glimpse at Kylo’s reaction when Rey’s mind is probed by Snoke, and it’s the one you’d expect--he doesn’t want the bae to be hurt like this, but he knows he can’t do anything yet (Snoke will just destroy him if he tries). He’s forced to endure her torment while doing everything he can to remain a blank slate. The only way he can do this is by turning his eyes away from her pain, but his resolve is hardened.

We don’t get to see much of his reaction to Rey trying to fight Snoke until Rey takes his saber and Snoke sends it back to him. When the saber lands at Kylo’s feet, I’m fairly sure that’s when the idea at last comes to him on how he’s going to take Snoke down. He just has to wait for the right opportunity now. We get a very deliberate shot of his face looking from the saber to Snoke with determination. But we get a hint as to his plan during the Snoke diatribe as he places Rey before Kylo as a sacrificial lamb--Kylo’s eyes shift from Snoke to her face, and the expression within them is even in this moment revealing of his true feelings for her. He will not betray her. 

Snoke tells him here to complete his training and fulfill his destiny. Kylo takes him at his word. To fully actualize himself and escape the underworld, a sacrifice must be made--and Kylo intends to make it. What I love about this part of the scene is that when Kylo at last stands, he looks at Rey and tells her softly that he knows what he has to do. Rey’s fear probably breaks his heart, but his words were all he could offer her in that moment in order to reassure her and still keep Snoke in the dark. Yet again, his soul is in his eyes--he never looks at Snoke even once; he locks his eyes on her face, and his expression is still gentle and determined. As Snoke’s continuing his diatribe, Kylo’s eyes remain steady on Rey’s face, and I’m sure in that moment she understood that he was going to stand at her side. 

And here is where Kylo at last fulfills his destiny, foreshadowed at the very beginning of TLJ when he stood against Snoke--he not only “completes his training and fulfills his destiny” but he also takes his own advice to “let the past die and kill it if he has to.” Snoke is his past, Rey is his future, and it is here that he makes the choice to reach for freedom. He at last steps outside of the box of “son” to enter the beginning of the journey into manhood. This rebellion is the last rebellion.

Kylo’s choice is rewarded by Rey’s beaming “you’re getting laid tonight” face, which is a perfect segue into their absolutely impeccable synchronicity when they turn to fight the remaining Praetorian guards. There’s not much in the fight that’s particularly remarkable as far as Kylo’s individual psychology other than his desire to protect Rey and his faith in her abilities. (Though it’s funny that she’s like this little feisty terrier dodging around and stabbing anything that might hurt him lol.)

What I think this sequence establishes is that Rey is the first thing Kylo has ever truly wanted for himself. She is not a legacy imposed upon him, or some other mentor’s wishes or desires being forced on him. All she really has to offer is herself and a connection--and this is something Kylo has been hungry for all his life. Because she is offering him the deepest, truest thing he’s ever wanted, by pursuing and accepting her offer he is at last able to begin the path to actualizing himself. This desire for someone who loves him completely is something that’s reflected in Rey’s own desires for herself, and something that makes them deeply compatible as future romantic partners. They both are looking for someone who will tear the galaxy apart for them, who will come for them no matter the cost, and who will not place other priorities above them. This, they find in each other, and for the briefest instant they both get to taste how good the world would be if they could remain at each other’s sides. 

But all good things must come to an end in the second film in a trilogy, and things break down when the fight comes to its conclusion, despite the wonderful teamwork between Rey and Kylo and the hint of possibility their partnership offers the future of this world.

The Botched Proposal

Before we dive into the botched marriage proposal (and yes, I interpreted it as a marriage proposal because...that’s what it was--Kylo’s a “go big or go home” type lol; all or nothing if you will), let’s reiterate a few things going into it:

Kylo just took the biggest gamble he’s ever taken in his life for a girl he barely knows. If what he’s done gets out to the First Order, he could be killed as a traitor. 

The seed of doubt as to the strength of Kylo’s connection to Rey has been sown by Snoke’s pronouncements in the red room sequence.

Han already failed to bring Kylo back by using the “just come home” method. Kylo knows he can’t return to either the light side or the dark--with his actions in the red room sequence, he has rejected both sides of his legacy and must find a third option in order to survive.

The proposal sequence is the first time Kylo has ever tried to make a decision for himself in his life. Because he’s a n00b at this, what he does is try to merge his old fantasy (surpassing Vader and ruling the galaxy) with his new desire (have a life with Rey). It’s not that his old fantasy is particularly attractive to him, I think; it’s just that Kylo literally has no clue what else he can do because of how much damage he’s done. On top of this, I don’t think he’s confident in Rey’s feelings for him--Rey only recently shifted from calling him a monster. He’s likely a bit insecure about what it is about him that Rey suddenly finds attractive and doesn’t have the confidence to just offer himself to her and let her decide; instead he tries to offer something greater than just himself to her--the greatest thing he can think of, which is power.

I think of it this way: Kylo probably knows what Rey really wants (for him to just drop everything and come home with him). But he also knows a few things Rey doesn’t: 

For one, it’s going to be tough for them to escape the First Order together.

For another, he’d have to basically kill all of the First Order high command in order to get control of the troops. After all, as we’ll learn later, Hux is actually the head of the military, not Kylo. 

If they manage to save the fleet, Kylo is going to be put in irons and likely tried for war crimes. The punishment for that is either death or long-term imprisonment. Kylo wants to live with Rey, not live the rest of his life in a tiny prison. 

Given these factors, it’s pretty obvious why Kylo wouldn’t be keen to join the resistance and help Rey’s friends. With this all in mind, I think it’s easier to understand why Kylo botches the proposal the way he does. 

After having killed both his light side father (Han) and his dark side father (Snoke), Kylo is now ready to forge his own path. This is where he finally completes the idea he began with his advice to Rey in FC3--rather than just letting his personal past die, he broadens the philosophy to include the political and societal as well. It’s time to let everything from the past die and completely start over from scratch. This includes the sith, the jedi, Snoke, Luke, the resistance, etc. Kylo doesn’t say the First Order, but likely that’s because he intends to take over the First Order and use it to accomplish his goal.  

Now, this is a horrible idea. Because the past never truly dies; it’s a burden that is carried forward thanks to the survival of our DNA and the cultural legacies and tragedies brought forward and passed down from our ancestors. Our ultimate job isn’t to burn it all to the ground and start over, but rather to integrate and revive the past so that it can be useful to the present and future. But Kylo doesn’t know this because he’s a n00b at self-actualization. Unfortunately, Rey only managed to get herself started on the path to integration hours previously, and thus she has literally nothing to offer him to counter this idea. 

After espousing this new ideology, he tells Rey that he wants her to join him. This is his clumsy admission that everything he’s done and everything he’s thrown away was for her, in order to find a way to be by her side. The only thing he can offer is this path, because right now he can’t see any alternative. Notice, he doesn’t tell her to join the First Order--his goal is to create something “new” with her, a new order for the galaxy unstained by the legacy and burden of the past.

Of course, Rey, being further integrated than Kylo, knows something is very wrong about this offer, but she’s not yet able to articulate why it’s wrong or offer an alternative solution for him. Now his reaction to her reluctance here is rather interesting. He becomes agitated with her for the first and only time in the two films. On first viewing I think it’s hard to understand why he’s raising his voice to her here, but when I keep in mind where his mindset is (he’s just sacrificed his entire life for her, and her body language and words are implying that she’s about to reject him), it’s pretty clear that his agitation is fear-based. He’s afraid that their connection means less to her than it does to him, and that he’s about to lose her (which he is). But because he’s kind of stupid, he tries to pressure her rather than backing off and saying “well, what should we do next, my dear?”

Rey herself doesn’t seem to be offended or afraid of his outburst, which reiterates to me that she understands his fear and that he’s not trying to hurt her. He then tries to convince her that she’s alone by reminding her about her parents. This is a fairly manipulative tactic, but it’s not done out of malice--it’s done because he’s desperate to keep her by his side. Again, he just sacrificed everything for her sake. Literally everything he’d worked for in the past 6 or so years. To lose her now, after he was finally able to accomplish this for her, is likely a horrifying prospect to him. 

After pressuring her into admitting the truth about her parents, he places his final card: her parents may have been shit (and I just love the way Adam delivers this line; it gives me the chills how much disdain and disgust he has for what her parents did to her), and she’s nothing in the grand scheme of things (I don’t think he means she’s nothing to the resistance or her friends, but rather that there’s no “grand legacy of destiny” for her to uncover for herself), but she is not small to him. In fact, she is so large a presence in his life that he literally threw away everything he’d ever wanted for her sake. Now, of course, this is a rather self-centered perspective (like, really Kylo, you’re not that great a catch right now, sexy 8-pack or not =P) and he’s still being manipulative here because he’s trying to keep her at all costs, but there is truth in his words here: this story isn’t her story (at least not yet). 

Consider this: not a single thing in this story has actually been related to her own quest or her own desires. She just gets caught up inside other people’s stories (really the larger meta-story of Kylo, Snoke, Luke, Leia, and Han). Even Finn for the most part is “caught up” in this larger meta-story. And yet Rey (like Finn, and like Rose) is the key element to revitalizing this dead story--she must make the story her own and forge a new chapter in it. This is exactly what she has done by drawing Kylo to her--now she, not a Skywalker, not a Solo, is the centerpiece of the story, simply because she has connected herself with the Skywalkers and decided to draw one of them to her. But this isn’t something that’s fully evident yet to Kylo, and certainly not to her, and thus despite the manipulative nature of the words he stabs her with, there is still truth in them to cut her. 

When this tactic fails as well, he has nothing left to offer her, and his pride and hubris won’t let him back down. All he can do is extend his hand again and reiterate his request. When she still hesitates, he gives her the most plaintive, desperate “please” I have ever heard in my life and probably shatters her heart into a million pieces. The remainder of his existence depends on her answer, and she has to say no. 

But rather than talk to him about this, Rey makes a huge mistake. She holds her hand out in a feint to make him think she’ll take his hand when in reality she’s calling her saber to herself. This was probably the worst choice she could have made, though it’s understandable why she did so (Kylo’s a freaking powder keg, who knows how he’d have handled a full Elizabeth Bennett-style rejection lol), but this does to Kylo exactly what so many of Snoke’s truth bombs had done to him in the past--it confirms that Snoke was right. Their connection was a false creation crafted by Snoke, it wasn’t real, she would never stand at his side, she would never choose him as he would choose her. 

This sends Kylo spiraling back down into the underworld. He tries to stop her from taking the saber, and it’s a testament to how balanced he now is (and how much darker she herself is) that the saber is torn between them and splits. They are now equals in ever sense of the word, and that is important for the future. 

Sadly, when Rey rejects him, she leaves him nothing but the position he’s been groomed to take by others. He now has no choice but to return to the dark side and try to pursue the now dismally inadequate fantasy of “surpassing Vader and ruling the galaxy alone.” Kylo’s true desire was to break free of this dichotomy with Rey, but her rejection leaves him with nothing but his legacy or despair. Although he wanted to form a new place for himself, he just ends up falling back into the tangled web of the “story” of the other side of his family. Rather than standing on his own, he’ll now become part of that “dark side” story. How much further he’ll fall now is anyone’s guess, but he’ll be falling fully aware of everything he’s lost until Rey can stop his descent with a proper third path that gives him what he truly desires--freedom from the burden of his legacy and a place by Rey’s side. This time, the offer will have to come from her. 

Despair on the Heels of Resignation

We don’t get to see Kylo again until Hux finds him sprawled on the ground in the throne room. There are two possible variants of this scenario, and I’m not sure we’ll ever know which was true:

Rey is the only one who awakened before Hux’s arrival, and thus she’s the one who returned his saber to him. 

Kylo awakens before Hux’s arrival, and decides to “stage the scene of his defeat at Rey’s hands” in order to keep his place in the First Order.

I lean toward #2 myself, given how prepared Kylo seems to be with excuses and reasons for Hux. So likely he waited until Hux checked to see if he was dead, then he magically awakened in perfect time to give Hux the “story” of how “the girl” (love that she’s back to being “the girl”) managed to “magically” best himself and Snoke and all the Praetorian guard by herself. =P Hux, predictably, smells a rat, but Kylo shuts his immediate questions down by threatening Hux’s life and taking something more important from Hux--his army. Hux now has bigger things to worry about than how the hell an upstart kid managed to best two powerful force users and their guards. 

Still, I think it’s clear that Rey’s rejection cut Kylo to the core and he’s now completely unhinged and unmoored. He has no idea what he wants to do or accomplish; he’s just a burning ball of rage, and he regresses quickly into a childlike fanaticism. His decision-making becomes impaired to the point where Hux has to course correct for him. He becomes myopically focused on his own past and destroying every last remnant of it. Yet all of this is really just a cover up for how hurt and betrayed he feels by Rey’s rejection, which is of course no excuse for his actions. =P One shouldn’t go around blowing people up because the girl you like wouldn’t go to the dance with you. =P

I do think this this is why he suddenly becomes insanely angry at Luke to the point of irrationality; he was much more collected about Luke prior to losing Rey. But, having lost the only thing he ever wanted for himself outside of his family’s love and approval, he now turns his venom toward the last person standing that he feels justified to hate: Luke. Luke reminds him that hope isn’t lost and that he’s not the end of the line.

Kylo knows exactly who Luke’s referencing, and he foolishly asserts that he’ll destroy “her” and Luke himself and “all of it.” This is quite an interesting line because it implies he’s fallen into despair and nihilism for the first time in his life. This is genuine nihilism talking. Because when he destroys “all of it,” he’ll have no reason to live. Fortunately trolly Luke doesn’t intend to let him end up that way, and so he makes a sacrifice in order to be part of what will save and restore Kylo in the end, placing the remainder of his faith in Rey to do the rest.

Kylo ultimately fails to destroy Luke himself, robbing him of that sin as well as the sin of killing his mother. Luke protected him from that at least, and paved the way for Kylo to return in time. The resistance manages to escape, and Kylo is left to infiltrate an abandoned base. There he finds his father’s dice, falling to his knees to pick them up. It is here that the last spark of hope reaches him--a force connection! With Rey! While Snoke is dead! He looks up, and his face is so full of hope that maybe, just maybe, she’s changed her mind.

Yet her impassive expression says otherwise, and then she shuts the door. It’s telling that Kylo flinches here: her second, final rejection drives the nail into the coffin of his dream and it shatters completely, represented by the dice disappearing in his hands. All hope is lost, and he sinks down further in resignation that will inevitably lead to despair.

And here is where we leave our fearless Supreme Leader--on his knees, having lost everything. It’s actually a place where you leave heroes normally, in the second film of a trilogy. =P The second film is always the “all hope is lost” moment--yet it is Kylo who carries this narrative beat, not Rey. It is not her pain we focus on; it is his. This says to me that despite his “narrative position” as Rey’s antagonist, he is probably the protagonist of the story--whether he can transform it into a comedy or is unable to overcome his flaws and it remains a tragedy is up for Episode IX to determine. For now, he has sunk to the bottom, and it’s going to take one heck of a reckoning to get him a third chance. He’d better be willing to take it this time. There won’t be a fourth.

What’s in a Name?

Just a quick little side note, but honestly I’m pretty torn about how I feel about Rey trying to push Kylo back into “Ben” as a name. I get the sentiment--in a way it’s revitalizing his name and restoring it to him, but at the same time, I feel like it’s just Rey being in denial about his dark side and trying to “separate” him from it. So I’m kind of torn about how I want his name situation to unfold in Episode IX. 

Personally, my preference is a renaming ceremony where she gives him a fresh first name and restores either the Solo/Skywalkers/or Skywalker-Solo name to him. That would be a proper marriage of the “old” and the “new,” which would encompass all that he is. But honestly I don’t know what way Rian and JJ intended for us to take Rey’s resurrection of Kylo’s old name, so who knows how it’ll unfold. A renaming ceremony at the end of Episode IX would just be my preference, but I’ll dive into this more in my conclusion post to this First Impressions series. For now, I think this post has gone on for long enough. =P

To everyone who made it this far, congratulations: you’ve read a fifth of a novel (17k words!) attempting to dissect a fictional character. ;) You get a virtual cookie. For everyone who waited so patiently for this post, I’m sorry I took so long, and I hope my turtle self will be able to scuttle over the finish line for the remainder of the posts sooner rather than later. =)

Until next time!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 10th November 2019

I think I should give an update on what I’m listening to as I don’t often do that on this show. Hold on, let’s check my last.fm... oh, yeah, 300 scrobbles for Weezer – in the past week. I really have hit rock bottom.

Top 10

For what should be the sixth consecutive week now, “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I is at #1, and somehow that’s the only thing staying stable amongst all the chaos as while I’d like to think this was a relaxed week where it cleared out everything from the JESUS IS KING album bomb and left only the remnants of that busy week, it really wasn’t, and instead was a full-on avalanche by its own accord.

The first most obvious example of that is “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa, debuting at #2, and that’s pretty much the only example of this week’s generally manic appearance in the top 10, as the huge comeback single becomes Dua Lipa’s 12th UK Top 40 hit and her seventh top 10 hit, her first top 10 since “Electricity” with Silk City peaked at #4 in 2018. I’ll be speaking more in depth about that song later.

Otherwise, we don’t have much interest in this first ten songs. “Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean (By technicality) is down one spot to number-three.

Unfortunately, this has opened up possibilities for Ed Sheeran and “South of the Border” featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B up a space to number-four.

Also down one space is “Circles” by Post Malone, surprisingly, at number-five, as I saw this as possibly making a run for #1 but that doesn’t seem as likely with the monster that “Dance Monkey” is.

“Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez is down three spaces off of the debut to number-six, as I expected.

Staying steady at number-seven is “Good as Hell” by Lizzo featuring Ariana Grande.

Also still at number-eight is “Memories” by Maroon 5.

Now we have two one-space fallers at the tail-end of the top 10, first of all “Bruises” by Lewis Capaldi at number-nine. I don’t even know how this is still here.

Secondly, and finally to round off the top 10, “Outnumbered” by Dermot Kennedy at #10.

Climbers

There aren’t many climbers here at all but the only two notable climbers are in the top 20 and look like foreshadowing of hits to come, so that’s notable in itself, although very unfortunate as despite me being relatively ambivalent on the pretty decent “This is Real” by Jax Jones featuring Ella Henderson moving up 11 spaces to #19, I am immensely displeased about “hot girl bummer” by blackbear peaking higher than the original “Hot Girl Summer” as it reaches the top 20 at #18 after a seven-space boost, as if this hack needed any more attention put on him.

Edit: I forgot about Niall Horan’s “Nice to Meet Ya” up eight spots to #26 this week, which I’m happy about since it’s a great song and I’d love to see it find its way into the top 10.

Fallers

There aren’t actually as many fallers this week, or at least less than I expected, but there’s still a couple notable fallers to talk about here, such as “Follow God” by Kanye West down nine spaces to #15 off of the debut at #6 last week, as well as other losses for most of the debuts from last week (Well, those that are still on the chart), those being “Floss” by AJ Tracey featuring MoStack and Not3s down five to #27, “Orphans” by Coldplay down five to #32 and “Look at Her Now” by Selena Gomez down 13 to #39. Also losing out on five spaces this week at #33 is “Take Me Back to London”, a former #1, by Ed Sheeran and Stormzy, and remixed by Sir Spyro featuring Aitch and Jaykae.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

We actually do have a re-entry this week and it’s “Graveyard” by Halsey back at #40, meaning we have eight drop-outs, most of those being established smash hits finishing up their run, those being “Sorry” by Joel Corry featuring uncredited vocals from Hayley May from #32, “Ladbroke Grove” by AJ Tracey out from #35, “Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello out from #36, “Taste (Make it Shake)” by Aitch from #37, “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike from #38 and “Don’t Call Me Angel (Charlie’s Angels)” by Ariana Grande featuring Miley Cyrus and Lana Del Rey from #39, as well as, of course, Kanye West’s two hits from JESUS IS KING that debuted last week, “Selah” featuring uncredited vocals from Sunday Service, Ant Clemons and Bongo ByTheWay out from #19 and “Closed on Sunday” with A$AP Bari out from #20.

ALBUM BOMB: Krept & Konan – Revenge is Sweet

On the 1st of November this year, British trap duo Krept & Konan released their sophomore album Revenge is Sweet and it peaked at #5 on the albums chart. I haven’t listened to it because I personally don’t care much for the two rappers, but they are big enough to land two hits in the top 40, one of which was released as a single prior to the album but both bearing high-profile features, so I’ll have to talk about them.

#28 – “G Love” – Krept & Konan featuring Wizkid

Produced by P2J

First of all, I obviously do not have as much to say about Krept & Konan than I do about Kanye, so this will be a shorter episode in comparison to last week with JESUS IS KING since there’s a lot less to unpack and I have a lot less passionate opinions about the duo (Which, considering how disappointed I was with that album, is probably not a bad thing). This is pre-release single, “G Love”, Krept & Konan’s fourth UK Top 40 hit, and it features Nigerian singer Wizkid, who makes his second ever appearance on the chart. For what it’s worth, I actually very much enjoy Wizkid whenever he appears, usually bubbling under the top 40 with songs featuring Drake and Skepta, as he has a lot of charisma; honestly, I’m surprised this is his only his second appearance on the chart, and his first since “One Dance”, a Drake song featuring him and Kyla hit a record peak of #1 in 2016. It’s a pretty odd collaboration for Krept & Konan, but then again, Wizkid did a song with Skepta as well, so this could be good – and is it? Well, it isn’t a good first impression when the otherwise nice synths are clipping pretty badly but it doesn’t exactly create a bad vibe or atmosphere, and while Konan sounds half-dead on the hook, Wizkid’s high-pitched Auto-Tuned croon is pretty vibrant. Konan is equally dull on the verse, although admittedly both he and Krept have pretty funny opening lines, even if Krept is mostly talking about emojis for half of his verse (Not even kidding, apparently if you cross him, you’ll get emoji knives). I don’t really have an opinion about this song, to be honest, it’s a pretty generic Afroswing beat with some squeaky vocal samples, and Krept and Konan both sound like they did a one-take whilst high and left. There’s a weird empty space between the verses and chorus as well, it genuinely feels a bit janky at times (God, I haven’t used that word in ages). Wizkid doesn’t even have a verse, so this is pretty boring. Let’s hope the next song can redeem the duo...

#23 – “Tell Me” – Krept & Konan featuring D-Block Europe and Ling Hussle

Produced by Dabeatfreakz

Okay, so this is more in Krept & Konan’s wheelhouse and has honestly got me pretty excited because D-Block Europe are the funniest men in UK trap right now, and I don’t think they even realise it. Anyway, this is Krept & Konan’s fifth UK Top 40 hit, D-Block Europe’s sixth, and it’s actually also a pre-release single (Hell, this one’s got a video). If you’re wondering who Ling Hussle is, well, she’s actually an upcoming rapper and singer who hangs around these guys, seemingly, and hasn’t actually been able to crack a million views yet from what I can gather, so this really is kind of her breakout single and obviously her first to hit the UK Top 40. Can these five rappers make a cohesive posse cut? Well, of course not, it’s D-Block Europe, but they try, bless them. First of all, this really isn’t a Krept & Konan song, Konan is definitely there even if he’s drowned in Auto-Tune that makes him unrecognisable, but Krept has a really short verse, and Ling Hussle straight-up doesn’t, instead providing an admittedly pretty sultry hook with Young Adz, who somehow cannot handle the simple melody that Ling Hussle lays down and kills, having a stroke on the pretty bland piano-trap beat as he tends to do. Krept is also pretty pathetic here, with a hilarious falsetto that genuinely made me chuckle – although that was probably unintentional. The end of Krept’s janky verse is hilarious, with the beat just barely there, and it mostly being breathing sounds and one-syllable ad-libs while Krept barely gets words out, and it’s all drowned in Auto-Tune with so much weird empty space. It’s so bizarre, to the point where Young Adz’s obnoxious singing about wanting the woman to open her legs so he can “watch her pee” sounds pretty for-the-course. Genius annotators just gave up on Konan’s verse, and he and Dirtbike LB are easily the least interesting here, although Konan does spend much of his time making some strange, misguided metaphor for guns using Maggie Simpson. He probably has the best verse here, as it’s the only one that doesn’t completely collapse midway through. I can’t help but like this, though, because everything goes wrong at some point and no-one even attempts to fix it, much like all of D-Block Europe, who I’m starting to think are my favourite UK rap artists because they are so unashamedly awful that whilst most of their music is unlistenable, any deeper analysis forms a new genre I like to call Post-Cubist era trap-rap.

NEW ARRIVALS

#37 – “Opp Thot” – Poundz

Produced by HARGO

“I could never wife your opp-thot. Give me that neck, come bop-bop. I just want to jeet and skeet, don’t use no teeth, girl, give me that slop-top.” How poetic. It’s a viral song from Poundz, and hence his first UK Top 40 hit, and I have such little expectations that this could be Nostalgia Critic’s version of The Wall and I’d praise it to hell and back as if it were by Floyd. Seriously though, this isn’t actually that bad. Lyrical density isn’t there but I didn’t expect it to be, and the mixing on the version that is used for Spotify adverts might actually be better as the hi-hat is too centred with Poundz’s multi-tracked and kind of hurts my ears actually. There are actually some cool lines here, and punchlines that make me understand the viral success, like when he kicks someone “out like Brexit”, the loveable way in how he says he’ll shoot you (“Man get hit with the ostrich bird”), how he makes people run away from him “like Scooby”, and a couple of other funny pop culture references about Tetris, Snapchat and... getting your enemy sprayed like Fireman Sam. Yeah, that line won me over, because the beat is just a menacing piano line with some skittering trap beat behind it and honestly nothing all too special. It isn’t that bad though, there is some talent here.

#35 – “Break Up (Bye Bye)” – Cast of RuPaul’s Drag Race UK

Produced by Leland and Frederick William Scott

Features uncredited vocals from Jade Thirlwall

...Huh? Okay, so I knew of the new British edition of RuPaul’s Drag Race (Graham Norton’s a legend) but I actually have no idea how the “drag race” works. I know what drag queens are and do (If “drag queens” is the right term), but I don’t know the format of the show at all – although I know the American edition has probably been around for decades at this point. The people on the American show do release promo singles but they don’t ever get close to charting anywhere so I usually don’t have to worry about any of this, but I am a complete outsider to whatever fanbase this has, and that seems to be a sizeable portion of people since this did chart. So, I did some vague research and found out that this was written by MNEK, who you should know from “Never Forget You” and several other hit singles, for the fifth episode of the show, and is credited under the name “Frock Destroyers”. Classy. Listen, this is the cast’s first UK Top 40 hit, and I do not understand the show, I’m just going to make this clear because I won’t understand the song either (In fact, there are two songs and they have the same name but one of them is by “Filth Harmony” so I’m even more confused). Anyway, about the song: the horns sound really cheap and gross, as do the hi-hats and the awfully-mixed instrumentation in general, so much so that I’m actually distracted by the very questionable lyrics, mostly because of the awful bass mastering that isn’t only clipping but it just doesn’t have any impact in the drop. It’s not like the chorus is anthemic as it’s supposed to be either, because it just feels so rushed and random. The female lead vocal is delivered by Jade Thirlwall of Little Mix so it’s not like it isn’t a good performance, but it is so inconsistently mixed in comparison to what I’m assuming are the drag contestants, who are so much louder than everything, especially the second verse. It’s pretty catchy, admittedly, but this really is a bit of a trainwreck production-wise. I guess I’ve officially been frock-destroyed. Whatever that means.

Edit: I listened to the other version and it might actually be worse lol

#31 – “Kiss and Tell” – AJ Tracey and Skepta

Produced by Skepta

More UK trap? Okay, well, it was actually a pretty big week for the genre as AJ Tracey and Skepta are also here with their eighth and 15th UK Top 40 hit respectively, “Kiss and Tell”. AJ Tracey had a song debut last week which was okay and I’m generally indifferent towards the guy although his debut album was pretty lacklustre, and I’ve always been a Skepta fan, so in a way I’m excited to hear but I am worried that it could be pretty dull as well, considering AJ Tracey’s got top billing... but it is Skepta-produced and I haven’t heard many bad beats from the man, and this one is definitely very cute, with the twinkling synth melody and otherwise typical trap beat and 808s, as well as a haunting vocal loop. Honestly, everyone kills it here. Sure, “kiss and tell” doesn’t rhyme with “Astroworld”, but AJ Tracey’s flow in the first verse is insane, with some really great lines, especially the hilarious closing line about... something falling off a chair, let’s just say that. Seriously, this is probably AJ Tracey’s best ever verse, it’s rapid and slick, and works especially with his voice. Skepta also delivers a slightly slower verse here, but his flow is janky at times, and takes awkward pauses despite moments where he really kills it – in fact this verse parallels most of his discography. Skepta can be awkward and inconsistent but when he really kills it, I’m amazed, and he does impress me with his flow here sometimes, but AJ really shines on this song. I didn’t have much to say about that one, but it’s actually pretty great. I hope this isn’t a fluke, because if this is how AJ is coming in on his second album, it could be one of my favourite hip-hop albums of next year. We’ll see, but for now this is great.

#30 – “Thumb” – M Huncho and Nafe Smallz

Produced by Quincy

While these names may seem alien to you, they’ve actually charted before. Nafe Smallz and M Huncho both appeared with Gunna on the Plug’s “Broken Homes”, a song I wish I enjoyed more than I did, and Nafe also appeared on a pretty awful Skepta single called “Greaze Mode” (Probably a candidate for, if not, his worst song), so this is their second and third UK Top 40 hit respectively. The BBC refused to give it any cover art on their page, so I guess that could mean anything... but it most likely means that this is garbage, because this really is some awful, unforgivable dreck. First of all, let’s talk about the lyrics and structure for a bit. There are two renditions of the chorus, they’re both exactly the same, over-long two-part hooks delivered by M Huncho. There is one verse in the middle and it is entirely a trade-off between the two rappers, with Nafe Smallz being considerably more sexist and disgusting in his verse where he delivers a frankly terrible Young Thug impression. I understand that rap music has a lot of misogyny and disrespect towards women, hell, I have to acknowledge that as someone who just praised a song called “Opp Thot”, but at least have some attempt in hiding your lack of respect or sympathy for women, or being somewhat respectful in how you say everything, or at least funny in how over-the-top you’re being, perhaps. What Nafe Smallz says about the “slut” and “thot” that he doesn’t actually make effort to have sex with and just watches whilst smoking is frankly really revolting and upsetting, especially because it got into the UK Top 40 which really should say something about us as a music-listening public, that we let this get so high. Nafe Smallz’s meek, high-pitched, nasal voice is aggravating, so much so that M Huncho’s unintelligible murmuring in the intro might actually sound better. The beat has some infuriating bass mastering as most cheap UK rap does, and overall it sounds pretty type beat. M Huncho doesn’t necessarily sound bad here, but his Auto-Tuned flow does very little to change and makes the three-minute runtime feel exhausting. Admittedly, some of Nafe Smallz’s inflections sound pretty, and M Huncho’s stammering is lazy, evening the awfulness out between the two rappers out pretty well. Also, was there really any need for the whole theme of the song being about putting thumbs in... female posteriors? The outro is literally just “put my thumb up in her butt” repeated on loop. Yeah, no, I don’t like this. Next.

#2 – “Don’t Start Now” – Dua Lipa

Produced by Ian Kirkpatrick – Peaked at #30 in the US

This is the massive debut this week from pop singer Dua Lipa, one of my favourites voices in pop music right now actually, and someone who has grown on me immensely in the past year, although some of the songwriting still isn’t as strong as it should be and she still has a tendency to slip into the background of her own production. I’m hoping for that to change with her sophomore album, and this is (Probably – “Swan Song” still exists) the lead single off of that record. The cover art is going for a vaguely late-90s early 2000s look, and I’ve heard this is a more straight-forward dance-pop tune, so I’m hyped to listen to this... and yeah, as I expected, this is pretty great. Initially, I wasn’t actually impressed with the flavourless piano intro, but as soon as it kicked into full gear I knew the hype around this was worth it, because that bassline is INCREDIBLE. As someone who has recently found a lot of love for house music, this bassline is one of the best I’ve heard from the genre, and this is very much house, almost like French house to some extent, but also very nu-disco, meaning the cover art is very fitting for the era that both it and the song are attempting to replicate. Dua Lipa sounds great as she always does, going into her higher register with rhythmic, multi-tracked, almost-rapping cadences in the verse, but taking a sudden shift to a sweet diva vocal in the pre-chorus, which is beautiful, as the pianos sound good on their own, but the squealing synth comes in at the perfect time along with the hi-hats, the song is just so intricately structured... then we get the drop, which is just great, as well go back to the minimalist house beat where Dua Lipa aggressively tells off this ex who has just started putting any effort into the relationship after it ended, with sassy inflections and... random sound effects, which I’m not complaining about. The slick, disco guitar and groove in the second verse accentuates Dua’s lyrics detailing how he tried to break up with her, almost implying a manipulative or toxic relationship. The second drop is somehow more impressive than the first, with a stuttering “Don’t” hinting at the drop prior and some sampled cheering that, much like the cowbell, is a random sound effect, but adds more punch to the chorus. Once the post-chorus hit, I had to take a break from writing and genuinely calm down, I was really overwhelmed with everything happening, yet it doesn’t feel cluttered because everything comes in at the right time, sometimes when you don’t even expect it to, and the mixing is great, far from over-produced even as while it’s pure pop with a lot of manufacturing, it feels a lot more organic especially with the post-chorus, which is just gorgeous. I don’t want to even spoil it for you or myself anymore, so I think I’ll actually leave it at that. My commentary will just cheapen how brilliant this song’s climax, is, really. This is an amazing record and one of, if not my favourite song from Dua Lipa. I hope this has as much success in the US because if this doesn’t get on one of my year-end best lists for 2019 or 2020, I will be severely disappointed.

Conclusion

Well, it should be obvious, right? The Best and Worst of the Week go out pretty easily, Dua Lipa getting the Best of the Week for “Don’t Start Now”, and M Huncho and Nafe Smallz getting Worst of the Week for “Thumb” which is just gross. Honourable Mention is obviously going to AJ Tracey and Skepta for “Kiss and Tell” although Dishonourable Mention is a bit harder. I think I can’t go with the Drag Race because that would be unfair – it’s a bad song, sure, but if I understood the show more, maybe I’d see the appeal. I don’t want to step on too many toes, either. “G Love” is unremarkable, as is “Opp Thot”, so I’ll probably go with “Tell Me” by Krept & Konan featuring D-Block Europe and Ling Hussle. I hope you enjoyed reading, I’m off to listen to Pinkerton again probably, and I’ll see you next week, hopefully it’s not as busy.

[docholligay]

Turning Over a New Silverleaf

Commissioned by Ben from the Patreon! “Teacher AU, with Michiru as the music teacher and Haruka as the gym teacher” I hope you enjoy, a little over 2,000 words. Remember, I’m still fundrasing for my new computer, and you can help me at my Patreon or my ko-fi! I am, after taxes, 70% of the way there!

Being a gym teacher didn’t leave Haruka many opportunities to dress up, and normally this didn’t unnerve her, but today was the first day of school, and it felt somehow wrong to show up in a t-shirt and athletic pants. Particularly to this school.

It was a little stupid to sit in her car and think about it, this much was true, but it was also true that if she didn’t leave her car she could imagine herself on the precipice, instead of diving headlong into the water.

She never liked swimming.

How she’d gotten the job she still didn’t know. The Silverleaf School for Girls was the most well-regarded academy in the country--all of the finest people sent their daughters there. Haruka was a poor kid who hustled her way through college by the skin of her teeth. It didn’t make sense.

It can’t have hurt that Mina taught Drama in the Upper School, and had done so for a number of years, initially as a way to subsidize her stage career, and then, gradually, she found herself enjoying it. It was steady, and paid well, and teenage girls were always admiring of her panache and wit in a way that the critics back home never seemed to appreciate.

She had convinced Haruka to apply in the first place. It was nice that the Upper School arts building shared a cafeteria with the gym. They could eat lunch together in the lounge.

She slung her bag over her shoulder, and headed toward the the large stone building that housed the school.

____

“Usagi, you need to teach action capture better this year.” Rei had a particular gift for acting as if every other teacher in the arts building was only there to supplement her publication, and Usagi was no exception. “The dynamic moments! They need to be shot with precision!”

Usagi took a muffin from the box on the table. “But Rei, they’re only beginners! You’re so mean sometimes, you big grump.”

“Oh, was there ever such a thing as a beginner, here at Silverleaf?” Michiru sipped at her tea and continued to page through  her sheets of music, occasionally setting on aside for consideration. “I was one of these girls, if you’ll recall, I should know.”

And it was true, Michiru was still, and had ever been, a perfect, polished member of high society. She still played occasional concerts, but mostly found herself bored with the life in the orchestra. To say nothing of the small indiscretion that had somewhat marred her gleam, and led her to become a teacher.

“Well there is if you look at the pictures from last year.” Rei always struggled a bit with her job--the people she had sought to unravel over the course of her journalistic career were so very often the parents of the very children she taught. “Usagi, you kno--”

“I think we’ll start with nature!” She grinned brightly, as if she had not heard Rei at all. “Mako, are you excited for this year?”

“I don’t know, I have some new ideas for the pastry class, but,” she slugged back a mouthful of orange juice. “There’s a new teacher this year in the building. Tenoh, I guess. I don’t know her. Physical Ed. ”

The physical education and arts buildings shared a cafeteria and a teacher’s lounge, and it was the opinion of some of the upper school arts staff that this was a disgrace to their work. The sciences and math departments did not have to endure such a thing.

These people were not Usagi.

“I bet she’s nice!”

“She’s MIna’s friend.” Rei announced, to no one in particular, blustering forward before anyone could ask how she knew that. “That’s how she got the job,” She decided to put a bit of spice on it, “Though I don’t know why they’d think she knew anything about TEACHING.”

“I think Mina does a good job!” Usagi protested

“You would! Mina is--”

“Rei enjoys Mina’s attributes which are not so obvious in the classroom, I imagine.” Michiru smiled to herself as she finished her stack of music, Rei nearly spitting out her drink at the accusation. “It’s no matter, in any case, it’s simply another gym rat to share the lounge with.”

These people were a little bit Michiru, however, and Mako scowled at her snobbery.

Like a tiny blonde ball of energy, Mina swung wide the door and bounded into the room. “Good morning, nerds!” She put a stack of books down on the table. “Ready for the year? What you teaching, Richie K? The Oscar Meyer wiener jingle?”

“Oh, if only I could make such creative use of the open curriculum as you seem to manage.”

“Have you thought about holding a concert of anime themes?” SHe peeked over Michiru’s shoulder, taking a bagel from the table.

She picked up her papers and neatly hit them against the table, lining them up. “I would prefer to throw myself out of the practice room window, thank you very much.”

“Sounds fine to me.” She moved onto her next target, winking at Rei, “Nice to see you over the summer, gumshoe.”

Rei looked around the room, blushing. “It was about reviewing the school plays!”

“Well, there was drama.”

“Scintillating as this is,” Michiru put the papers into her elegant cream bag, “I think I’ll away to my classroom.” She stood up, taking her tea to the sink, slipping her Mont Blanc pen into the purse with its mint notebook. “I’m certain I’ll see all of you at the lunch hour.”

Her heels clacked on the tile floor as she opened the door and walked down the hall, disappearing into the small mill of students that had begun to stream in.

Mina shrugged, and pulled a small box out of her bag. “Wonder where Haruka is.”

“I’m here.” Haruka shut the door behind her.

“Happy first day of school!” She handed Haruka the brightly colored plastic box, decorated with a Pikachu sticker. “I made you breakfast.”

Haruka opened the box, revealing little star shaped pancakes with yogurt and sprinkles to dip, little sausages nestled on the side with encouraging messages affixed to the toothpicks holding them.

“Aw thanks, Mina,” Haruka took a pancake bite, “I had a granola bar, is all.”

“So is,” Rei leaned forward, trying to present her theory in a collected sort of way, “I mean you must be Mina’s….partner. Friend.”

“Jealous?” Mina tossed her hair over her shoulder and laughed, as Rei snorted and denied anything of the sort.

“We were roommates in college,” Haruka chuckled, “we still live in the same building. We’re not together.” She popped another pancake in her mouth.

“It hurts when you deny me in public, muffin.”

Haruka extended her hand out to Mako. “Haruka Tenoh. PE.”

She shook it strongly. Years of working dough with her hands had left her with rather more of a build than most of the arts building, and the gym teachers were usually the only ones who could meet her.

“Mako Kino. Foods.” She pointed at the girls behind her. “That’s Rei and Usagi. Glad you’re aboard.”

“This is, uh,” she looked around at the well-appointed lounge, “a little different from public school.”

Mako shrugged. “You get used to it. Nice having equipment.”

“It’s our chance to dismantle the system from the inside out!” Rei barked from the table, as Usagi nibbled on her muffin.

Haruka nodded, wiping at the edge of her mouth. “I told the kids from my old school to apply for the scholarship here. I hope they do. They’re good kids.”

Mina clapped her on the shoulder. “Ruka, just enjoy the steady paycheck and let yourself live a little.”

The warning bell rang overhead, and Haruka looked up at the clock.

“Oh god, I haven’t even prepped!” She rushed out the door, and straight into a returning Michiru, who had forgotten her violin in the corner.

The papers went flying out of Michiru’s bag, dusting the tile floor like a new fallen snow. She rocked back on her heels, and nearly fell, but there was a sudden grip on her arm, and she was pulled in close, her nose suddenly filled with the scent of sandalwood and amber and a bit of oil.

She was pushed away and steadied, and found herself staring into a pair of very embarrassed grey eyes.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, I was thinking about class and I just--here, Jesus, I’m sure sorry.” She stooped down and began to gather up the scattered scores, her eyebrow furrowed as she tried to put them in some kind of correct order, biting her lip.

Michiru brushed her hair behind her shoulder and smiled. She was handsome, more than any teacher Michiru had ever noticed here at Silverleaf. And she made it her business to notice.

“Quite the introduction.”

“I’m so fucki--uh, REALLY, really sorry.” She looked up at Michiru, and the light caught her hair, shimmering like gold under the skylight.

Michiru purred down at her. “I presume you are the new physical education teacher, unless the mathematics department has gotten much more casual this year.”

“Yeah,” She extended her hand, rising to her feet with the scattered papers. “Haruka Tenoh. Nice to meet you.”

“Michiru Kaioh. The headmistress of the orchestra.” she fanned her eyelashes slowly. “With you around, I will have to take more care at the lounge door.” She gently took the papers from Haruka, who rubbed the hairs on the back of her neck.

She chuckled. “I do, I guess, I’m--”

“Well,” she playfully swatted her on the shoulder, “See that you make it up to me, I suppose.”

“I--” her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat, “I mean, I, if you aren’t--”

“Hey there, Ruka!” Mina started to push her down the hallway. “Can’t be late for your first day, can we? Oh, it’s no problem, I’ll show you where you’re classroom is!”

“Mina, I--”

“No need to thank me, pal!” She shoved Haruka around a corner “Don’t.” SHe looked at Haruka with a deep seriousness. “I know that look.”

“Mina.” Haruka looked at her sidelong, sighed and began to walk to the gym.

“Kyoko in the math department. Mei in the science building. Shizuku in history. ” Mina walked alongside her, counting off names on her fingers.

“Mina.”

“Lena, the new English teacher, last goddamn year.”

“What are you even telling me?” Haruka stopped and looked at Mina, as students passed by them in the hallway.

“A comprehensive list of women, in this school alone, that Michiru Kaioh has chewed up and spit out. She’s a lesbian Moray Eel, Haruka.” She grabbed her by the shoulders and shook. “Can we have just one break from your horrible taste in women?!”

“So she’s gay??” Haruka’s face lit up in a grin.

“HARUKA.”

Haruka sighed. “Nothing happened. Except I made an ass of myself.”

“You haven’t met the English teacher, Michiru eats that shit up.” She released Haruka’s shoulders. “Okay. It’s your life, buddy. But...I know how you get. With stuff. Remember Yuki?”

Haruka looked down at the ground. “Of course I remember Yuki.”

She tried not to, but she did. Especially at night, alone in her bed. Wondering what it was about her that Yuki had found impossible to live with. She knew that sometimes things just didn’t work out, in theory, but still she felt the empty ache of two years of her life and countless memories, gone one night when she came home.

Mina looked at her kindly. “I just don’t want that to happen again. I worry.”

“Okay.” She nodded, and gave MIna a hug. “Thanks.”

Mina patted her on the back. “Have a good day, honey, I’ll pick you up from the bus stop, you’ll make so many friends today!”

“Mina.”

___

In her office, the sound of tuning strings behind her, Michiru Kaioh sat on the phone. “Yes, the apple daisy with the chocolate fruit. The card should read. “Best of luck, and I hope to run into you again, in a purely colloquial sense, M. Kaioh.’”

[barcastat]

Santiago Bernabéu. Wednesday, April 27, 2011. Champions League semi-final

Mourinho deployed Pepe in the middle of a defensive midfield with Lassana Diarra and Xabi Alonso. His job was to do another ‘Terminator’ on Messi. Madrid left the grass long – three centimetres, rather than the one centimetre which Barcelona prefer. Barcelona’s players take that subject seriously. Skinhead playing surface, ball flying at the speed of a hockey puck – advantage to the quick, technical ball players. Grass like the fringes on a 1970s country and western suede jacket, slower moving ball, happy days for the hasslers, the hackers and the horrible, defensive football which so many employ to try and shackle Messi, Iniesta and Xavi. The latter commented: “It’s a great pity that there are no rules about the grass. In 2011 we have rules about earrings, the media, our shirts, but none regarding the grass which can make the match so much more entertaining, or end up causing injuries.” Madrid, the nine-time European champions, only managed 26% possession of the ball in their own stadium in the Champions League semi-final. Partly that was down to the visitors, partly to Mourinho’s game plan. El País is Spain’s leading quality daily – it wears no club colours. Their lead writer, José Sámano, put it like this: “With Pepe, Madrid refused to play. Without Pepe, they couldn’t play. Mourinho’s bugle call to his team has been to play these matches on the dark side. He did it in the league the other week and again last night. Neither time brought him a result and that would have been the only excuse for playing this way.” ‘Without Pepe’ refers to the straight red referee Stark showed the Portuguese whose straight leg, knee-high challenge on Dani Alves would only not have been an ordering-of had it been part of the ‘anything goes’ 1970 FA Cup final between Leeds and Chelsea – recommended viewing online. Mourinho was also red-carded for sarcastically mocking and applauding the refereeing team for the decision. Without Pepe to shackle him, Messi ran wild. His first goal came when Ibrahim Afellay made Marcelo look like a statue before crossing for Messi, who had eluded Xabi Alonso. The Argentinian’s second was one of the all-time great Champions League goals. Receiving possession from Busquets, near halfway, Messi left four Madrid players in his wake, dragging them along with him as if they were fish in a trawl net, and culminated the dribble by clipping the ball past Casillas. Gordon Strachan, the former Scotland, Aberdeen and Manchester United midfielder, who managed Celtic against Messi and Barcelona, was at the Bernabéu that night and called it “One of the greatest goals you’ll see from, in my opinion, the best footballer who has ever played the game.” Tito Vilanova made a shrewd comment when I spoke to him. I had thought the red card for Pepe utterly determining. He had a different perspective. “When Messi dribbles past six players, it’s not important whether the rivals have 10 or 11 men on the pitch – what’s important is that he’s dribbled past six opponents.” Plenty more went on, but those were the key moments. Few, amid the sound and fury, made much of the fact that Guardiola used eight products of the FC Barcelona youth system that night, the youngest of whom was the 19-year-old substitute, Sergi Roberto, who became the 19th canterano (academy trained youngster) to be given a debut by this coach since taking over in June 2008. Fewer than three full years, 19 new kids introduced to a team already packed full of home-bred talent. Utterly remarkable. Sadly, I have to record that there was horrendous racist chanting at Barcelona’s black players. Friends who were in the crowd at the Camp Nou the following week report that these shameful thing happened there. It is a blight on all football, but Spain isn’t fighting it properly. Post-match, Mourinho matched the rubbish he’d produced on the pitch. “Por qué?” he asked, over and over. “Why?” Although he didn’t quite froth at the mouth, it all felt a bit rabid. “If I were to speak my mind to UEFA and to the referee, then my career ends today.” He then named referees who he appeared to be accused of favouring Barcelona In previous fixtures: “Øvrebø, De Bleeckere, Busacca, Frisk, Stark… por qué?” Mourinho had compiled a list of decisions he felt had gone Barça’s way – mostly against his teams. Tom Henning Øvrebø turned down several Chelsea penalty claims in the 2009 Champions League semi-final; Frank De Bleeckere was the referee who sent of Inter’s Thiago Motta the Following year at the same stage; Massimo Busacca red-carded Robin van Persie of Arsenal in the last 16 in 2011; Anders Frisk goes all the way back to 2005 and a red card for Didier Drogba of Chelsea against Barça. Then he returned his focus to Stark and the match Barça had just won. “We’ll play the second leg without Pepe, who did nothing, without Ramos [whose yellow card resulted in a suspension] who did nothing. Without the coach. I only leave one question. Perhaps one day I’ll get an answer. It is: por qué? I don’t know whether it’s the UNICEF publicity. I don’t understand what Øvrebø did two years ago, what happened today or the miracle that took place last year for Inter. They killed us once again. Today it’s been demonstrated that we have no chance at all. We had a game plan which the referee wouldn’t let us use. I don’t know why. This football world sometimes makes me feel sullied. Today we saw that it’s not difficult – it’s mission impossible. And if by some chance we go ahead at the Camp Nou and make the tie a bit more open, well, they’ll kill us again. I would be ashamed to win games like Josep Guardiola – apparently it was disrespectful of me calling him Pep yesterday. The guy’s a fantastic coach, but he won his first Champions League after the scandal of Stamford Bridge – I’d be ashamed to win it that way – and if he wins this year, it’ll be after the scandal of the Bernabéu. He’s a great coach and a great person and that’s why hope that one day he manages to win a Champions League which isn’t tainted.” Just for the record, Guardiola’s reaction was: “A team with nine European Cups in its trophy cabinet will never give up. I’ve seen Madrid play a thousand times in my life, from when I was just a kid, and we all know what they’re capable of. Against any other team with a 0–2 result on the first leg, we’d be sitting pretty. Against this team that isn’t the case. We were already playing well when they had 11 men. Obviously it was easier when they were down to 10, but we had the situation under control before then.” Piqué added: “The first 60 minutes they didn’t attack at all and they were playing at home. When your football borders on out-and-out violence, it’s always going to end badly for you.” The criticism came not just from Barcelona. Guti, Madridista but at that time playing in Turkey, sided not with the incandescent Mourinho, but Guardiola: “Pep is a superstar; all my words about him are of respect and admiration, as much for his coaching as for how he played the game.” Then there was Cristiano Ronaldo. In the first 15 minutes at the Bernabéu, he had tried to press Barcelona and found that none of his colleagues had followed him. Waving his hands to the sky, he encouraged them to close down the Barça defenders high up the pitch – but they had their orders. After the match, Ronaldo was asked about Mourinho’s game plan: “For an attacking player like you, do you like the style of play this team uses?” He answered: “No, I don’t like it, but I have to adapt because that’s the way things are.” His goal had won them the Copa del Rey the previous week, his supply had been cut by Mourinho, not Wolfgang Stark, but for his comments he was dropped that weekend against Zaragoza(all his coach said it was because Ronaldo had had to play 10 against 11 for too long in the semi-final – 29 minutes). Madrid lost 3–2 in that match, allowing Barcelona to rest Puyol, Iniesta, Valdés, Villa, and Pedro for their own 2–1 defeat at Real Sociedad. It all meant that, ahead of the Champions League second leg and with each team lodging complaints with UEFA over the conduct of the other, the Catalans were eight points clear in La Liga, with four matches remaining.

[Barça, the making of the greatest team in the World by Graham Hunter.]

[victoriareiscv]

The Key for Humanity

  by Victoria Reis 

Someone once told me “to get a better understanding of the world you must go out there. And have an insatiable desire to learn from new people. Just go travel around the globe. You must always explore new places and meet new cultures. Because the only way you can grow is exploring the unknown. By cultivating your roots and giving yourself the wings you’ll need to overcome whatever mountain you may find.” This is something that I strongly believe in, especially as I too craved to travel and I was lucky enough to have parents to help me do so. I still remember the day I left for my year abroad in the United States. Believe me, the cold air and the practical people of Michigan were almost the opposite of Rio de Janeiro’s chaotic and overhead urban life. It was hard at first, especially due to the language barrier, but it was more than just new words. The way in which people talked, the accent, the fashion, the diet, their gestures (which are so much different from home) and how they express themselves. This is what made me realize that language is much more than just words in a dictionary. I was also there to meet these people, explore the neighborhood and how everything works in their world. Having already been exposed to Western society; movies, music, junk food and stereotypical Americans, I thought I already knew a lot about ‘Uncle Sam’s’ culture. I wasn’t all wrong, but as time passed me by I realized that it had much more to it. I was living with an American family in my senior year, learning how life works in Michigan. It taught me what Americans think of the world and why they think that way. I tried my best to truly understand the United States view, their traditions and behavior. At least in Belding city that's slowly became my second home. Speaking English was just the first step. The experience changed my life, and made me grow as a person. It changed my view of the USA, its culture and made me respect their different opinions. Now imagine how great it would be if I had the chance to learn more about this country, to learn new languages and to expand my mind to appreciate other views of the world. Imagine how the world would be if at least half of the world thought like this. Imagine if more people had this curiosity and were open in that way. Learning a new language is the result of having the desire to know the places where it is spoken. When you are open to learn about other lifestyles and to understand why it is that way, you start to respect and value diversity. My point is: when you respect others in that way, they will respect you back. Also, you can show how your own culture works. This exchange is the most important part. Everybody wins. From this you will see that despite from all the diversity, people of the world actually have a lot in common. We feel love, and we are driven by this emotion. We care about others, even when we try not to. We hope for a better future not only for ourselves. We all desire world peace, it’s a cliché, but we do. We expect people to be good. We feel guilty about the bad things we do and we wish we could change some things from the past. We dream that humanity can do better. It doesn’t matter which country you are from, you are still one of us. Therefore, if we try to understand and respect each other and if we try to put ourselves in others people’s place, we’ll see that we have a lot in common. We must understand that no-one should be judged, because actually no-one is superior to do such a thing. Ethnocentrism should be considered old fashion and an outrage for human intelligence. Getting over this superficial emotion and point of view could help improve the global socio-environment. Not only could it help with regards to relationships between citizens, but also the relationship between nations. It’s no news that the world needs compassion and respect. Walls are being built to separate people. Nations are closing doors for families who are running away from war. Children are drowning by crossing an ocean to escape from the horrors and death of their land. People are dying for believing in other Gods. Religion continues to be an excuse for war. People are judged by the color of their skin. People earn less money for being of a certain gender. People are prohibited to get married because of who they love. People divert public money meant for public education and health to their own pocket while schools are being closed and people are dying in front of hospitals with no health insurance. Human trafficking still exists and happens more often than you could imagine. Even slavery exists and in some cases is permitted by law. While man is preparing to go to Mars and discover new planets in faraway galaxies, kids all over the globe are dying of hunger and thirst. Terrorist attacks are becoming regular news. In the 21st century people still don’t know the meaning of democracy and freedom. Women around the world are beaten by their own partner. Genital mutilation is happening to girls when they reach puberty. Arranged marriages between men of forty years old and girls of twelve years of age are still common in some cultures. Multinationals use slave labor whilst they become millionaires. The issue is that people sometimes prefer close their eyes to all these problems so that they can live in peace in their small and particular world. I haven’t even started to talk about the relationship between humans and nature. It’s a global mess. No one can argue about it. There is no right answer for all these problems. And it’s completely understandable for some people to say that it’s not their problem. However I’m the kind of person who believes this planet is our home and we should do something to improve the situation. Otherwise, who will? In some cases the answer is simpler than we could imagine. The truth is the world lacks empathy and fails to be sensitive to others. We are unable to put ourselves in other people’s place and try to imagine how they would feel. It’s what the world needs to experience more often. If people look for each other more often, if we forget about all the differences and focus on what makes us equal, we could see some improvement. Maybe if we try a bit harder to understand the views of other people and why they act the way they do. If we stop for minute to see that everyone needs some kind of help and no one won the true? If we are able to recognize that diversity is an extraordinary quality of human-kind, we could make this planet a better place for everyone. This is a utopian idea but there is something so beautiful about dreaming when you are awake, dreaming about a better present that could be possible. An idea is everything you need to change the world, if you have the courage and the perseverance to make it real. So here is my suggestion: focus on doing better. Be realistic now, as there is no way to change the world in just a few years. It’s a long and difficult process. Since knowledge has always been the key to progression it’s prudent to say that every investment for the future starts at education (public education to be more specific). When kids have ideas of uniting instead of dividing, and to be always tolerant and respectful, the next generation will be better and so on and so forth. This would create a virtuous cycle of peace-makers, which is exactly what the world needs right now. Education means to spread the seed of progress, respect and tolerance around the globe. It’s about giving the best of human compassion for young kids without bringing any prejudice to the table. Kids don’t see being different as a bad thing. They look it with curious eyes and sometimes the smallest seed could surprise us with the biggest tree. My grandma once told me, “Never underestimate little actions”. Furthermore, when I say to invest in education I mean to invest in a wide range of multi-language learning, not just English and Spanish. Children should learn languages from all over the world. The purpose of this learning is to respect all cultures and embrace diversity while the individual is young. This kind of education is ethically important, and nothing could improve this knowledge more than exchange programs. One year of studying abroad is the same as years of learning in a classroom. As Lev Vygotsky said “The knowledge that doesn’t come from experience isn’t truly knowledge”. The meaning of globalization is to break down barriers, providing an international integration. A united world population that respects diversity. Exchange programs are meant to be not only for academic purposes; it’s mainly to promote globalization itself. Person by person, these exchanges help make the world a more accessible place. It creates unbreakable bonds and invisible bridges, helping to changes the perspectives of all those involved. The importance of language is often underestimated. When you learn a new language you can understand how the natives think. Each language has its own structure and vocabulary, sometimes with words that don’t have any translation. Therefore, a lot is lost in translation and you cannot understand how others think if you can’t understand how their language works. In response to this, all governments should promote cultural exchange programs, offering scholarships as well as encouraging private programs during high school and college. With this financial support and advertisement, a state or nation will be doing its part in international integration by promoting the exchange of knowledge. As I can tell, a lot is already being done in many countries. However, it’s not enough. Exchange programs, besides being motivated by curiosity and courage, are a cultural habit. So marketing should be addressed not only for the students but also to the families of said students. Also, in the majority of cases the information and opportunity of a scholarship aren’t given to poorer communities. What is it that makes exchange programs about social class and status? Furthermore, there is a preference for destination: USA, some European countries and, in some cases, Australia. What should be an integration of all cultures is now starting to be an affirmation of a prevailing culture. Improving what has already been done is simple, and if done right it will let us achieve positive results worldwide. It will spark children’s curiosity and open the eyes of parents, teachers and governors. This would be the right recipe to spread mutual respect across the world. We must share these values with all cultures and remind them that diversity and empathy must be in the agenda of all nations (at least in the educational system). I'm that kind of person who wants to change what displease me and others. Conflicts, prejudice, discrimination, ethnocentrism, neglect, hate and intolerance. It’s our duty to improve our current situation for the benefit of future generations. It’s our duty to invest in a better future and to globalize the movement of education for a better world. Shall we?

*** article produced as part of the 2017 Many Languages One World international essay contest

[leominster1941]

Leominster History – Victorian crime and punishment – public  execution – Hereford Gaol – murdered woman – cider houses

Continued…….

William Hope murderer executed in 1863

A really interesting story written in the Hereford Times about an execution. It is extremely detailed and an excellent piece of social commentary of the time. One assumes it must have been a leading story for the whole of Herefordshire for several months. Hundreds of people attended the Execution from Leominster. Many of them walked to Hereford.

On Monday the High Sheriff, the Under Sheriff, We Rey J H Barker, and the Rev. J. Venn, again visited the prisoner, when, in answer to a question front Mr. Bridgman, if he (prisoner) desired to say anything to him in reference to the crime with which he stood convicted, he said: I don't deny that which I have done; but not intentionally; and it would never have happened if she had not united with me out in the road.

Rev. S. Partridge, who had visited the prisoner in. conjunction with the Rev. Barker, Hope now seemed to be much taken up, and he expressed a hope that he would see him in his Last moments, a request that was most readily granted. The prisoner now spent is great deal of his time in writing letters to his relatives and friends. In all these be alluded to the awful fate that awaited him, and pointed with all the power at his command to the cause of his condemnation—the cider-house.

To the Rev. J. M. Ware he also wrote, entering very fully into the details of his ease. Mr. Ware had asked him if he was acquainted with Mary Corbett before the night of the murder. He said he had seen her but had never spoken to her before, and as to never having paid for her a glass of beer it. He also referred to the and not in the wood, as they desired to make it out.

On Monday evening the executioner (Smith, of Dudley,) arrived in Hereford, but avoided showing himself out. In fact, the Governor had great difficulty in inducing him to go into the garden for a little fresh air. On Tuesday preparations were made for the execution, though not visible to the public. Captain Cowtan very sensibly, we think, determined that in carrying out the stern sentence of the law there should not be anything like an exhibition.

The Captain was clearly not successful as you read on thousands of people came from across Herefordshire and beyond. As with a pop concert today people were arriving the night before to get the best view and found the best places along Commercial Road.

The implements of destruction, which happily have lain unused for 33 years, and which it was hoped would not be again required, were re-collected and prepared by workmen in the employ of Mr. John Bowery. On Tuesday night the Rev. J. H. Barker, the High Sheriff, the Rev. S. Partridge, and the Governor of the prison, were with the condemned man until a late hour; and the rev. gentlemen left the convict in a perfect belief that William Hope had peace with his God.

THE EXECUTION.

Our reporters have in another portion of this account detailed the scene as it was presented to them in the street. In the discharge of a duty imposed upon us we, with the concurrence of the High Sheriff, visited the interior of the prison at 6 o'clock on the morning of Wednesday. At that time there were several thousand people in the Commercial road, and in anticipation of a great mob the police orders were directed to preventing any vehicles from entering the city from the direction of Adstone Hill from that hour to nine o'clock, except by making a detour by way of Barrs Court.

I have not read of an Excursion Train running for this hanging but it is very likely there were some. For many this was another day out as with horse racing or the seaside resort. It was a short walk from Hereford’s Barrs railway station to the site of the gallows.

The weather was delightful, and the birds carolled their lays most joyously in striking contrast to the melancholy scene that was shortly to be witnessed. Old and young of both sexes, women with children at their sides or infants at their breasts, were seen hurrying from all quarters to the scene and ere the clock had struck seven there must have been ten thousand persons present. How Hereford United football club would have liked to attract such a crowd to any of its matches at Edgar Street. If the figure below is accurate then the whole population of Hereford attended the execution. Clearly many hundreds and probably thousands came from far and wide.

The crowd, however, kept augmenting, and by eight o'clock we are of opinion from the heads we saw that there must have bent front thirteen to fourteen thousand present. From the attendant of the wretched man we learnt that after praying fervently to his God for mercy, and reading his Bible at various times during the night, about three o'clock he threw himself upon his bed with his clothes on, and slept soundly for some time. He did not undress at all, and awoke again about a quarter to five o'clock. He then entered into conversation with his attendants, and in reference to his execution he said he would rather be shot in the yard than go out to be hung.

The scene also demonstrates how our sensitivities have changed for the better since the 19th Century. We now have a 9.00p.m. watershed for certain television when children are advised not to watch. However, that morbid desire to see such horrors remains just look at what happens when such events are put on the internet. We have such tendencies under control they have not gone away. There were children watching the execution with their parents. He joined the gaolers in their breakfast at half-past five o'clock, and subsequently he had his own breakfast of toast and tea. One of the jailors said he believed the prisoner to be a great deal more penitent than he at first thought he said our informant, "spoke several times to him about praying, and he replied, I have a quiet pray in my heart and prayer when I stand up and when I lie down. “I asked him this mornings continued his attendant, "how he felt," and he said, "I am very happy." As the hour for the execution approached, Smith, the executioner, made his appearance in the room where we were sitting. Despite how much many people were looking forward to the execution, the executioners were not popular. They were certainly treated as the rock stars of the day as you might expect. This is why Smith maintained very low visibility and did everything to hide his identity. Smith like other executioners found the job very testing and we should not underestimate the horrors these men experienced. The journalist’s description of him is almost as damning as that reserved for Hope.

He is a stout, somewhat, grey-headed man, repulsive in his appearance, and with a face that shows signs of acquaintance with the beer barrel or some more potent liquor. His hair is thin, and he wears it in a shaggy condition, which does not add to the mildness of his looks. He wore a white smock-frock down neatly to his boots, but this appeared to be a ruse, so that he should not be recognised when he made his appearance in the streets.

We are left thinking the hangman is the twin of the ‘Hunchback of Notre Dame’ with a drink problem. It is clear the executioner needed a stiff drink before, during and after the hanging. Although hanging was actually a Science if it was to be successful in the Executioners eyes. By the mid-19th Century all wanted as quick and painless death as possible. This was not true in prior times when money exchanged hands to ensure the type of death, rapid or slow. Also there were only half a dozen official hangman across the country who were deemed qualified to carry out an execution. The days of the local blacksmith or rope maker doing it on a part time basis had long gone.

He regarded his duty as business and went about it with the most perfect coolness, but still as if it were an engagement be desired to have quickly of his hands. Previous to going into the ball to await the arrival of the condemned, he made two or three visits to a brandy bottle which stood in conjunction with gallows (if necessary) on the table in the Visiting Justices room, This did not appear to be necessary to bring him up to the pitch to enable him to execute his horrible task, he rather seemed to take it because he knew it was there and he was at liberty to indulge as he desired.

The Chaplain and his reverend brother Partridge devoted all their time to the culprit in earnest prayer. At three minutes to eight we walked into the hall leading from the condemned cell, where we found the gaol officials awaiting the appearance of the unhappy man. The bell tolled mournfully enough, and the prisoner preceded by the Chaplain walked quietly out into the apartment. He was attired we believe in the dress he appeared in at the inquest upon the body of the unfortunate girl, only it had now been washed. As he stepped from behind the partition which stands before the door of his cell, and looked hurriedly into the face of each person there as if to recognise some on; he looked extremely dejected, and a deep drawn sigh that spoke volumes escaped from him, as failing to see any of his friends, he hung down his head as if about to weep, but no tear came, though one seemed to have started in his eye. The executioner was also nervous because he knew an awful lot could go wrong. We do not if he was using the long or short drop; by the mid-1860s it was more likely to be the latter. Even though this made a quick death more likely, there was the weight of the man and the position of knot in the noose to be taken into account. Not all prisoners went quietly to their death. We know there were many examples of the condemned surviving a hanging even minutes after the drop. There were also cases where poor calculations resulted in the head being removed from the body. The crowd could then turn on the executioner.

continued.......

[bestinflatablekayak-blog1]

Best Inflatable Kayak?

When I was looking for a best inflatable kayak , I was so overwhelmed with the choices and the information I found online. Here are some of the important points, when selecting an inflatable kayaks.

Need a fishing boat that pulls triple responsibility as a Class IV river working boat and serves as a protracted-distance river boat, capable of carrying lots of of kilos of substances?  Inflatable kayaks can be found in a very big selection of designs, from recreational sit-on-top kayaks to performance oriented sit-in kayaks, so the very first thing you should determine is the kind of paddling you count on to do. When you plan to paddle in locations with a lot wind, waves or current, then you would be wise to spend a little bit additional for a efficiency oriented inflatable kayak.

By way of this web page which particulars every facet of inflatable kayaks, you could find our recommendations for different types of inflatable kayaks, including inflatables for each one and two individuals, arise paddle kayaks and due to the poorly bundles accessory usually shipped with the merchandise, we'll have some details about replacements you can buy.

Similar to their inflexible cousins, inflatable kayaks are available in a huge array of designs, particularly for the type of kayaking you are looking to do. A properly designed touring kayak will be more streamlined for much less drag and will sit decrease within the water so it would not get caught by side winds.

Imagine it or not, there are inflatable kayaks prepared for all the things from a use during a fishing journey to make use of throughout a run down rapids to use in the frigid waters of the Arctic Circle Prime of the line inflatable kayaks can compete with customary rigid-bodied kayaks in virtually every respect, although you'll have to be ready to pay top dollar for these high quality options.

Plastic kayaks have been smaller, stronger, and extra reasonably priced than fiberglass boats, and so they could be made in a wider variety of shapes and sizes, ushering in the period of freestyle paddling that has gained sufficient popularly at this time to be an Olympic sport.

If you happen to do occur to run it too close to the shore and get a small puncture, there are multiple air chambers to make sure it does not deflate earlier than you may get again to where it is advisable to be. If you happen to're simply beginning out this may be the inflatable kayak for you.

Kayaks have seemingly been in use for more than four,000 years and examples of these hearty, resilient boats are nonetheless made within the unique method as we speak, although almost completely for demonstration purposes, not for sensible daily use.

Inflatable kayaks are the ideal option to hardshell kayaks, which can be exceptionally troublesome to store. Since an inflatable kayak could be stored in the trunk or again of your SUV you don't have to worry about it being stolen if you park your automobile.

However, if the kayak you want is not proven as being on sale however REI is among the listed retailers, we propose you follow the hyperlink to REI and buy the kayak from them. Actually, when it's fully inflated it feels rather a lot like a tough board, which is all the time a bonus as it will nonetheless have the increased buoyancy of an inflatable.

Secondly, the Tower Adventurer is incredibly durable, which can show invaluable when surfing, as you may by no means rule out issues going awry and being launched to my good pal the reef break. But, nicely-made inflatable whitewater kayaks monitor nicely throughout the water and allow you to maneuver rapidly on the river.

Some inflatable kayaks are supposed to be adaptable and utilized for certain circumstances, albeit most are significantly just like their hardshell companions. There are inflatables with plenty of room for cargo and so they can monitor in addition to some arduous shell kayaks.

Because of the lack of places to buy quality inflatable kayaks, I typically recommend buying them online. An inflatable kayak is mostly cheaper than hard shelled kayaks which is sweet for rookies. The sit on type mannequin is the best choice as a result of you'll be able to flip and move round simply for casting and accessing your fishing gear.

Most learners who attempt inflatable kayaks are extra comfy on the water and start having enjoyable rather more rapidly than these in hardshell kayaks. Self-bailing kayaks are mostly used for white water or in rougher ocean conditions. In contrast to the olden days where the value was relatively secure, with competitive markets like fishing and kayaking, there are good discounts to be had.

Innova Kayaks - Innova manufacturers their very own specialty line of inflatable kayaks. As a result of inflatable kayaks do not have an enclosed cockpit, you might think that inflatable kayaks will fill up with water more easily than their hardshell counterparts. Inflatable Kayaks - Basic Use & Care Give your self uncompromised time and area when inspecting and assembling your model new kayak and its gear for the primary time.

Some inflatable kayaks are intended to be adaptable and utilized for certain conditions, albeit most are notably similar to their onerous-shell partners. Take into account whether or not or not the inflatable boat includes a warranty of any sort simply in case you encounter any points.

Usually Amazon will have actually good discounts on inflatable kayaks, so sometimes the value can be decrease than it was after I checked out the product. With the soundness of an everyday kayak and all the benefits of being inflatable, in my view the NRS Pike is the best inflatable kayak for fishing.

You also needs to check out our inflatable paddle board reviews and inflatable boat reviews We hope you enjoy studying our opinions. They've decades of experience with making inflatable products and have recently come out with their K2 sequence kayak.

The inflatables with flatter bottoms are very steady in comparison with hard shelled kayaks. Sevylor stays one of the best inflatable kayak manufacturers, regarded for making probably the most specialized kayaks accessible. After a while the trailer began rusting, then there was the cost of a tag and insurance so I made a decision it wasn't value it. I offered it and purchased an inflatable kayak.

These kayaks are also lighter than plastic kayaks and aren't as pricey to restore if they occur to get broken. The Sea Eagle 330 is designed to hold up to two adults, which is why its our greatest inflatable tandem kayak decide in 2016.

The original kayaks had been made primarily of seal skin (and occasionally from the hides of different animals) stitched collectively after which stretched over a body made out of whale bones or, when it was accessible, wood. And do you have to determine to purchase an inflatable kayak, beware of a budget inflatable kayaks found at huge box shops.

But when fishing is your factor then I'd recommend looking at our fishing kayak critiques page. These kayaks are the smart and cheap alternative for anybody starting the pastime. Higher quality kayaks are found at devoted water sports activities shops, as well as prime quality outside gear stores resembling REI (though choice tends to be fairly restricted).

A rigid kayak will be easy rinsed off and cleaned while an inflatable should be folded up and packed away. Under is a really informative video on tips on how to repair your inflatable watercraft in case it does get damaged. In the meantime, a foul inflatable kayak will be lucky to last the summer season, often requiring quite a few patch jobs.

When contemplating the precise building of an inflatable kayak, it is best to just picture it as one other technique of designing a boat. Aire and many other producers sell inflatable kayaks that perform amazingly nicely at school IV whitewater. The higher clackamas whitewater festival had many whitewater competitions for inflatable kayaks, giving out prizes for the top competitors.

In my view for the standard you get, the Sevylor Huge Basin is the best inflatable kayak for the money. You may pick up a half first rate inflatable kayak for simply over $one hundred, and in the case of sales, generally as low-cost as $eighty.

Relying on your budget we recommend going with a high quality inflatable kayak that can final for years to come. Even at a discount price it comes with some nice features like, cup/bottle holders for each seat and has an honest quantity of storage within the rear of the kayak for a cooler or fishing gear.

Their inflatable kayaks are sufficiently sturdy to stand straight up in without having to emphasize over tipping over. Most of the fishing kayaks include rod holders, adjustable seats, additional storage and extra. And happily, there's plenty of shops on-line that promote high quality inflatable kayaks.

Inflatable ‘yaks are made out of various supplies, both PVC (Polyvinyl Chloride), haypalon, or nitrylon. Some inflatable kayaks such because the Innova Sunny , include a carry backpack which makes it easier to move in case you plan on kayaking in additional remote areas that a car cannot access.

Sea Eagle makes use of a number of the greatest supplies to ensure their inflatable kayaks are sturdy and final for a really very long time. The cockpit is nice sized with an inflatable seat and backrest it will comfortably match most anyone. Many tandem inflatable kayaks are straightforward to maneuver and transport alone in addition to with a accomplice, so preserve that in mind if you happen to need versatility.

The most typical considerations when choosing an inflatable kayak include the kind of kayaking you propose to do (including solo vs. tandem), ease of transportation, and cost. Consolation is nice with an inflatable seat included, meaning longer outings aren't going to be a difficulty at all.

Sevylor kayaks are amazingly reliable and easy to retailer without thwarting power. Nevertheless, in case you are looking for strong kayak customary monitoring in an inflatable than that is the kayak for you. The Sevylor has 3 separate chambers for safety within the unlikely event you do suffer a puncture, it will not be fairly however you will be able to paddle to shore.

If you have any issues together with your inflatable kayak, ship it to them and so they'll repair it without spending a dime as long it is inside 10 years of the original purchase date. When your looking for a convenient, moveable inflatable kayak for fishing the NRS Pike is certainly a strong option.

see the best inflatable kayak guide here.

All Sea Eagle inflatable kayaks are covered by a 3 yr guarantee for manufacturing defects. For kayaks, they sell a combination of laborious-shell recreational kayaks and some inflatable kayaks from Hobie. They have been making inflatable boats for nearly 50 years and are in New York, USA.

Firstly, now we have the Intex Challanger K1 Inflatable , currently price at beneath $a hundred. I am unable to count the number of times I've seen a hard-shell whitewater playboat get tossed round on a wave that an inflatable kayak handled easily. When choosing a kayak for use throughout a fishing journey or to be used throughout the course of many days, equivalent to with a tenting journey that includes river journey, you want a boat that may handle loads of weight and that provides glorious stability.

The Tower Journey nonetheless, show's it is class buy coming with a good customary paddle. The place there are some exceptions to this rule, similar to packaged baggage and pumps, normally, you're going to be taking a look at shelling out for some better high quality accessories if you wish to get the most effective out of your inflatable kayak.

As has been requested several occasions, I'm prepared to share my full Excel spreadsheet with all the inflatable kayaks that Amazon inventory. Kayaks are utilized by some folks as their preferred means for every day commuting and by others while out on a fishing trip.

The cheaper made inflatables are actually pretty flimsy and can tear and puncture given reasonable to exhausting use, so with regards to inflatable kayaks you actually get what you pay for. As talked about beforehand, I have the Intex Challenger K2 inflatable kayak and the best thing about it, is that I can have it deflated and stored in the trunk of my car always.

[mermaidinstereo]

LIST: 10 of My Favorite Movie Songs

I'm an idiot. On Oscar Night, I decided to wrap up a draft I was writing for a list going up soon. The theme was dark videos, again, it will be going up soon. Also, I worked a terrible work day for about 6-8 hours, so that was a huuuuuge damper on my mood that kept me from doing anything until about 4 or 5. So I was too dumb to come up with a list of movie songs on Oscar Night. Yeah. I'm that kind of idiot.

But here I am, doing it. Right now.

For this list, I have a few criteria. These songs were released solely for these films. That means that they were not picked from an artist's pre-existing album, or a cover of another song recorded for a movie, or a musical selection from a Broadway adaptation. These songs may have appeared on an artist's album after release (such as a greatest hits release), but not before. So, sorry to "Lady Marmalade," "Cell Block Tango," and "Hooked on a Feeling." Oh, that goes for you, too, "Elephant Love Medley" from Moulin Rouge. That's a mashup. You're not slick.

10. "Kiss from a Rose" - Seal (Batman Forever, 1994) Call it hokey. Call it what you want. But I better not catch you talking shit about Seal. In what is possibly his signature song, Seal's incomparable voice soars over a haunting melody and epic orchestration. Is it the best song to ever come out of a DC Comics film? Oh, hell yes it is.

9. "The World is Not Enough" - Garbage (The World is Not Enough, 1999) When you ask a group like Garbage to write a Bond theme, you probably don't expect them to deliver Shirley Bassey or Paul McCartney. Spoiler alert: they don't, but damn, do they deliver. Shirley Manson puts on the dangerous seduction worthy of a Bond girl over a smoldering orchestra, arranged by Don Black and David Arnold. It just feels so sexy, and so sinister. So of course I'm into it. The few times I actually play Overwatch with Widowmaker, I like to imagine her slinking around to this song before she snipes Genji in his tracks. Fuck Genji.

8. "Over the Rainbow" - Judy Garland (The Wizard of Oz, 1939) I felt wrong not including this song, partly because when I was a very little girl, my grandmother--a jazz singer back in the day--would sing it to me and my sister. Listening to it now as an adult effortlessly brings a tear to my eye, thanks to Judy Garland's mournful, yet optimistic vocals. That's the kind of thing that makes you want to root for a character like Dorothy. Not just that, but that's the kind of thing that makes characters and movies iconic. Yeah, there's yellow brick roads and little dogs and munchkins, but, in the way "Let It Go" defined Frozen's Queen Elsa, Dorothy Gale is synonymous with "Over the Rainbow." And that's not a bad thing to be associated with.

7. "I Don't Want To Miss a Thing" - Aerosmith (Armageddon, 1998) I was coerced to go on the Rock 'n Roller Coaster at Disney's Hollywood Studios once. I hated it. I hate coasters. It didn't necessarily affect my opinion of Aerosmith, but I don't remember hearing this classic Aerosmith track on the ride. Probably because I was busy screaming to get me off this crazy thing and into the Voyage of the Little Mermaid show. Sounds about right. But in a park that celebrates films--and on a ride themed around Aerosmith--the omission of this song feels wrong. Is Armageddon an iconic film? Nah, not really. Is this song timeless? Yeah. In fact it's one of Aerosmith's most well-known tracks. For good reason--it's Steven Tyler at his vocal best. And who'da thunk that they'd go so well with an orchestra? Tyler's emotion is remarkably raw. Not bad for a song so obviously made to sell a movie. I guess they just did it differently in the 90s.

6. "Young and Beautiful" - Lana Del Rey (The Great Gatsby, 2013) I never saw this movie, because I hated the book. It was one of those books where you were forced to read it in high school English. Hence, I hated it. Lana Del Rey was also an acquired taste for me. However, "Young and Beautiful" is Lana at her finest. Her simmering alto flies above a lush orchestra as she croons, lamenting over a love she's not sure will last. In true Lana Del Rey style, the girl just can't do happiness. But hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. She doesn't fix it--she enhances it, to dazzling effect

5. "Audition (The Fools Who Dream)" - Emma Stone (La La Land, 2016) Sometimes things don't work. Dreams fall short. So you have to regroup and figure out a new plan. That's exactly what Emma Stone's aspiring actress Mia did in La La Land, when she becomes discouraged and downtrodden after a series of flops. However, a glimmer of hope arrives in an audition, where, as she recounts the story of her grandmother swimming through the freezing Seine. What results is a truly impassioned, from-the-heart performance from Emma, as she honors "the fools who dream, crazy as they may seem." Where would we be without "the rebels, the ripples from pebbles, the painters, the poets, and plays?" Well, this film wouldn't exist, for one. As a supporter of the arts and a daughter of a music teacher, this lyric speaks to me. In general, I resonated with the character of Mia, often discouraged, waiting on that one person to take a chance on me and let me show what I can do. If La La Land did anything for me, it told me that if you never try, you never know. (Also, "City of Stars" be damned.)

4. "Beauty and the Beast" - Angela Lansbury/Peabo Bryson and Celine Dion (Beauty and the Beast, 1992) You know that song that no matter where or when you hear it, you immediately begin tearing up? This is one of those songs for me. I remember when I saw Moana last year and they showed the trailer for the upcoming (unnecessary) live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast, being unimpressed, until that "tale as old as time..." melody kicked in. Beauty is regarded as one of Disney's greatest animated features, with a timeless soundtrack to show for it. Its title song is appropriately timeless, and is the jewel in the crown of the Disney Renaissance. Suddenly I don't know an Ariana Grande or a John Legend.

3. "There You'll Be" - Faith Hill (Pearl Harbor, 2002) I've always dismissed Faith Hill has being "lifetimecore," that is, music made specifically for suburban white moms who spend their time on Pinterest and at Scentsy parties. Working in retail, especially, has made me resent her, being subject to her music as often as I am. That said, "There You'll Be" is so incredibly poignant and emotional, and her strong voice is perfectly suited for it. This one is another instant tearjerker. You got me this time, Faith. Just once.

2. "If You Want Me" - Marketa Irglova (Once, 2007) While not the most memorable song from this unforgettable indie gem, "If You Want Me" is remarkable in its vulnerability. In the film, Marketa's unnamed character walks down a lonely Irish street, having just bought batteries for her Walkman. She's really just kind of rehearsing the song to herself, but there is this heartbreaking vulnerability in her softspoken delivery. There's something behind that sad, sad voice, and you know it. It should've got an Oscar nod, but you know what, "Falling Slowly" is still pretty damn good.

1. "Part of Your World" - Jodi Benson (The Little Mermaid, 1989) Let's just be honest with ourselves here. My blog title is "Mermaid in Stereo." Perhaps my attraction to mermaids can be attributed to the story of Ariel, a struggle that is told in her signature song, "Part of Your World." It's not necessarily the story of a mermaid wanting to live on the land--okay, it is. But it's more than that. It's the story of someone fed up with being held down in her home life by overbearing parents, with a burning desire to get out of her bubble and see an unfamiliar world. Fun fact: Ariel did not wish to become human for Eric! No, in fact it's this song--which she sings before she ever sees Eric--that proves it. And you have to believe her. It's no wonder only Jodi Benson has voiced the character since her introduction--no one else can do it justice.

And now...my honorable mentions.

"Go the Distance" - Roger Bart (Hercules, 1997)

"You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" - Cher (Burlesque, 2010)

"Her Portrait in Black" - Atreyu (Underworld: Evolution, 2006)

"A View to a Kill" - Duran Duran (A View to a Kill, 1984)

"Chim Chim Cher-ee" - Dick Van Dyke (Mary Poppins, 1964)

"Heathens" - Twenty One Pilots (Suicide Squad, 2016)

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 6th October 2019

Now it may not seem like a busy week to cover today since we have barely three new arrivals this week, but it is a pretty important one as I think we’ve finally reached the Winter season in terms of our UK Top 40 chart, with new hits that debuted during the Autumn season becoming smash hits and potential success are just now starting to gain traction. This should be most evident in our top 10.

Top 10

We finally have a new #1 this week and it’s exactly the song I predicted would reach this spot last week, Tones and I’s first #1 hit on the UK Singles Chart, “Dance Monkey”, up six spots from last week to reach this spot. In my opinion, the song’s relatively underwhelming and is just okay, but congratulations to Tones and I for her first #1 hit regardless, although without another hit bubbling under this song or even on the rise, I do have doubts about her future longevity on the singles chart... but we’ll see.

Another potential #1 hit from a new and unexpected artist is “Ride It” by DJ Regard, up three spaces to number-two, featuring a heavily-remixed vocal sample of Jay Sean. I really hope this hits the top but “Dance Monkey” is incredibly dominant right now so time will tell.

When I said change is most evident in the top ten, maybe I should have said top two as the highest songs in the chart are still pretty stagnant right now, although most of it has increased in its chart performance thanks to the collapse of last week’s #1. “Ladbroke Grove” by AJ Tracey is up a spot to number-three.

At number-four, we have “Taste (Make it Shake)” by Aitch down two spots from last week. Its longevity still surprises and impresses me.

Also down two positions from last week is “Higher Love” by Kygo and the late Whitney Houston at number-five, unfortunately making me quite doubtful for its chance to hit #1 as I expected.

Interesting, “Circles” by Post Malone has rebounded three spaces up to number-six.

“Sorry” by Joel Corry featuring uncredited vocals from Hayley May is somehow still here, down only a single space to number-seven.

Dominic Fike’s “3 Nights” isn’t moving at number-eight.

Re-peaking at number-nine is “Strike a Pose” by Young T & Bugsey with Aitch, up a position from last week.

Finally, rounding off our top 10 is Lil Tecca, with “RAN$OM”, up one space to #10.

Climbers

There are very few climbers here and what few songs there are that climbed are either irrelevant and not notable or just plain bad, with “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi inexplicably returning to the top 20, jumping five spots up to #19, fitting tightly into both of those categories pretty well. Thanks to a music video release, Aitch’s “Buss Down” featuring ZieZie is also up 10 spaces to #25, amongst “God is a Dancer” by Tiesto and Mabel grooving up four chart positions off of the debut to #33, which means this may as well become a hit, and I am not pleased about that prospect at all.

Fallers

We have a couple spoonfuls of fallers here though and a quite a bit more than the gains as this has been one of many cool-down weeks recently on the UK Top 40 Singles Chart, especially recently where we have undergone a week without a single new arrival (Although this is not the case for this week, I feel I should clarify, as we have three to discuss). Those fallers, from reverse order, are: “Wiley Flow” by Stormzy down a whopping 17 spaces to #39, “Lalala” by Y2K and bbno$ knocking back down after a surge last week, down six to #38, the underperforming “boyfriend” by Social House featuring Ariana Grande down five to #34, “Harder” by Jax Jones featuring Bebe Rexha is down six to #32, “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee from the Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse soundtrack is down four to #31, “Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello is also down four to #24, “Goodbyes” by Post Malone featuring Young Thug takes a five-space hit to #23, “Don’t Call Me Angel” by Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus and Lana Del Rey from the Charlie’s Angels soundtrack is down six to #18, only TWO weeks after its debut at #2, and finally, evidently thanks to streaming cuts that would damage British rap heavily, “Take Me Back to London” by Ed Sheeran featuring Stormzy and remixed by Sir Spyro featuring Aitch and Jaykae, is down 12 spaces to #13, after its sixth week at #1, which is a pretty big drop but far from the biggest drop from #1.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Lewis Capaldi is pushing “Bruises” as his next single, which is fine, and complimented with a video meant it returned to #11 on this week’s chart, however the BBC website claims that the song is by Lil Tecca and has an amateur cover art that looks very much NOT like either Tecca or Lewis Capaldi, but does remind me of Blueface’s original “Thotiana” artwork, despite the man on the cover not looking like Blueface at all. Huh.

In terms of drop-outs we actually have quite a few important exits, such as “I Don’t Care” by Ed Sheeran featuring Justin Bieber dropping out finally from #34 and even “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus out from #36, as well as “Location” by Dave featuring Burna Boy once again dropping out from #39. Oh, yeah, and “Sounds of the Skeng” by Stormzy is out from #40 but it’ll probably be back soon.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “South of the Border” – Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B

Produced  by Ed Sheeran, Fred Gibson and Steve Mac – Peaked at #7 in Finland and #53 in the US

Ed Sheeran has released another single from his No. 6 Collaborations Project as soon as “Take Me Back to London” fell off the #1, perhaps in an attempt to attract more US success with Cardi and Cabello’s contributions, and it comes with a video, and it’s Ed Sheeran’s 41st UK Top 40 hit (which is insane), and  it’s Camila Cabello’s 11th UK Top 40 hit, and it’s Cardi B’s 11th too, and it’s not worth your time... at all. The pathetic Latin guitar compared with some MIDI-ass flute makes for a pretty generic tropical house beat from 2015, so making Ed Sheeran sing about bilingual sex over it doesn’t exactly scream for the best combination and yeah, it’s awful. “Come south of the border with me”? Jesus Christ. Camila Cabello is barely keeping words in to fit the meter, and her squealing triplet flow is intensely annoying, which is unfortunate because I do like her “rrrr!” ad-libs and the melody in the chorus, while not particularly innovative, is catchy. Cardi B exists here too, and her verse sounds like Wiz Khalifa on “Payphone”, with just as much as empty space yet a tad more actual rhyme. Her last line here about dropping babies and albums but never dropping the ball was kind of cool though. Otherwise, yeah, this is worthless.

#37 – “Turn Me On” – Riton and Oliver Heldens featuring Vula

Produced by Riton and Oliver Heldens

Who and who featuring who? Good question, let’s go through them. Riton is an English Grammy-nominated house producer with a close working relationship with Mark Ronson, who actually had his song “Rinse & Repeat” with Kah-lo peak at #13 back in 2016, meaning this is his second UK Top 40 hit. Oliver Heldens is probably the biggest artist here, as he released the massive hit “Gecko (Overdrive)” with Becky Hill that debuted at #1 way back in 2014, becoming the last sales-only UK #1. It also had a really strange music video. He had a two other hits in 2014 and 2016, including the #5 hit “Last All Night (Koala)” with KStewart, but since 2016’s “The Right Song” with Tiesto and Natalie La Rose, the well ran dry for Heldens until 2019, where he both collaborated with Nile Rodgers and made this song. I’m pretty sure this Zula guy is Ledri Zula, who has had a couple minor EDM successes in the past solo and with G4SHI, but he doesn’t have a chart history of even Wikipedia page. I may be completely wrong about that by the way, so I’ll edit that in later if I am (Edit: Ledri Zula’s a dude, this singer sounds like a woman. I think I’m wrong). Regardless, it’s Riton’s second UK Top 40 hit, Heldens’ fourth and Zula’s first. An interesting fact about this song is its sample of “Don’t Go” by Yazoo, which was a worldwide hit in 1982. Yazoo themselves are a duo of Alison Moyet and Vince Clarke of Depeche Mode, and from what I’ve heard, they’re pretty good, with “Don’t Go” having a particularly memorable synth riff that even those who have never heard of the song or Yazoo will know, mostly because it’s featured in the film Tango & Cash, as well as Grand Theft Auto and Dance Dance Revolution... and a Family Guy episode, which is where I vaguely recalled it from, which is kind of sad. Ritton and Heldens incorporate the synth riff as a replacement of the vocaloid drop of sorts... oh, yeah, and the song’s pretty good. I’m not usually a fan of the derivative house-pop that appears on the charts ever so often by acts like Sigala and Jax Jones but I’m not going to lie: that synth riff bangs in any context, especially with the plodding bassline behind it. Vula’s vocals are pretty sweet and include a lot of necessary sass to ride the groove here, and that’s all I can say really. I can see this shrinking on me because it could grow annoying but for now, this is pretty cool. Check it out.

#21 – “Playing for Keeps” – D-Block Europe featuring Dave

Produced by ???

Ah, D-Block Europe, back again, once again collaborating with a rapper who’s definitely of slightly high calibre, although keeping it local with Dave instead of Lil Baby like last time. Now it might seem like I really hate these guys but I actually love whenever these guys show up because they just give me all of the ammo themselves. I don’t need to make any observations because they’re so blatantly awful in a way I never need to analyse... hence I overanalyse. On the surface level this is just pretty generic British melodic trap-rap but once you dig into the lyrics of their 28-song long album that debuted at #4 this week on the albums chart, you really get into the D-Block Europe lore. Yeah, no, but this is D-Block Europe’s fifth top 40 hit on the chart and Dave’s 14th, and well, I think they might perhaps be improving as this isn’t that bad of a song, at least in comparison to last week’s confusing trainwreck that was “Nookie” with Lil Baby, with a vague, minimalistic guitar-lead beat produced by... someone. Although the vocals do come in incredibly abruptly after what sounds an avant-garde sound collage intro, with a pre-chorus that just... shrivels up into itself for one measure before the beat comes back and it just sounds really odd. Young Adz’s flow is melodic and could sound better if the beat was either competent or equally melodic as there’s barely another instrument here that isn’t an 808 or a drum. Dave sounds... stilted, as he really can’t translate his style to this beat. He also sounds jarring against Dirtbike LB who is really quiet in the mix and also in the unconfident sense, with a pretty non-existent flow, in fact, he might have the worst verse here, but overall, this is a really dreary single, it’s really dull and I’m honestly disputing the fact that it exists.

Oh, yeah, it’s D-Block Europe, so let’s talk about some of the worst lyrics here, except Young Adz doesn’t deliver the awful lyrics this time. In fact, his verse is probably the best here, with a pretty fun opening line:

.44 bells, you can’t go to war with a stun gun / We all spilt blood for these cunch-blocks, hella dumb-dumbs

If you’re wondering what “cunch-block” means, it literally means “D-block”, as in places where they sold drugs. Although he ends the verse with a misguided attempt at being intimidating, which was abandoned soon after.

When you catch a case or you go to jail, they’ll never miss you / Broski, I love you like cooked food, swear on mummy, I’ll never diss you

“I love you like cooked food” is about as sweet as “I love you like a fat kid loves cake”. Dave sounds really awkward here as well, and his usually fast-paced yet bluntly delivered flow allows for the nonsensical or cringeworthy puns to be a lot more digestible, but here, he slows down and the inexplicable wordplay is just... confusing.

I’m in D2, that’s Dan on deen, nothing to do with a mosque

Huh? Also, is Dirtbike LB okay? Like, Young Adz doesn’t exactly sound ecstatic but LB’s verse here is delivered in the saddest way imaginable and his lyrics aren’t happy at all, in fact, his verse sounds the worst but you could argue he has the best content here.

Scars all over my body like I went to war with the devil himself / I have a [gnarly dude] put one in your head, have your neighbours say, “Get him some help!” / Hard to be focused and righteous when you feel like you’re living in Hell / Just put a brick on the scales, wish me well

This is actually a good half of the verse and while short, it’s quite poignant, it’s just that the first half is this:

Girl, I waited all night just to taste this / Tell the truth, I’m faded

Sigh... never change, D-Block. Never change. Also, why the hell is the video for this over nine minutes?

Conclusion

You know what? I’ll give the benefit of me not expecting anything at all of quality to D-Block Europe, as they’re somehow staying safe and not gaining the title of Worst of the Week, as that’s going to Ed Sheeran, Camila Cabello and Cardi B for the waste of time that is “South of the Border”, and I guess Best of the Week has to go to the nobodies with the relatively decent song, as Riton, Oliver Heldens and the Vula who I still don’t have a face to match with, get it for “Turn Me On”. You’re lucky that Yazoo let you clear that sample. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank and I’ll see you next week!