#I honestly forgot I was having problems drawing the bathroom that feels so long ago

[mistydragonflyart]

BIRTHDAY HAIRCUT

Let's pretend I'm posting this on February 29th for my own sake. Because this bitch of a drawing was kicking my ass every step of the way and anytime I thought I was done I kept tweaking it. I couldn't stop. Even now I'm fighting the urge.

Anyways, I've been trying to redesign Tyler multiple times and the one feature I could never settle on was his hair. So I thought it would be fun, if as a 'final design reveal' he would get a haircut. There's also something here about both of them being trans now and the intimacy of getting a haircut from your situationship but it's not obvious because all the lore is in my heart. But trust me, it's there.

Is this his final design? Probably not. I think my brain just needs to get used to this and I need practice.

[mae-gi-writes]

Once Again (PT.I) | Iwaizumi Hajime (Haikyu!)

ONCE AGAIN : PART ONE 

Summary:  Iwaizumi’s broken marriage results in his five-year-old son trying to match him up with his primary school teacher, whom he thinks will make a wonderful replacement for a mother. 

Genre: fluff, slight angst, f!reader x dad! Iwaizumi 

A/N: There will be 2 or 3 parts of this oneshot! Depending on how long I feel like writing. Thanks for checking it out and stopping by! Let’s dive into some Iwa moments :,)

NEXT PART --> 

---

“What’s your return policy on rings?” 

The saleswoman smiles sympathetically behind the counter. That stupid sympathetic smile he’s been getting for weeks on end now. And it never stops; with his co-workers, with his family, his friends...

Iwaizumi’s sick of it. He’s sick of having to prove that he’s doing just fine, thank you very much. When in truth, his heart is constantly being torn apart and stomped upon as is people have nothing better to do than torture him in their free time. 

“I’m sorry, but these rings have been brought more than three years ago, and our warrant only lasts for three years,” the saleswoman keeps on talking but it doesn’t matter, for Iwaizumi can already feel the anger slowly creep up through the back of his neck, can already feel the vibrating emotions clogging up his sense of judgement. 

His fists clench at his sides upon impulse, the physical pain of his nails driving into his palms enough to remind him to stay cordial. It’s not the woman’s fault, the better part of him chants, it’s not her fault at all. 

“Fine,” he manages to grovel out, barely, “thanks anyway.” 

He all but storms out of the shop while shoving the rectangular box back in his pant pocket, and though it’s been more than four months since his ugly divorce with the woman he’d hoped to share the rest of his life with, the weight of their promise hangs heavy and hot upon his thigh. 

The thing is, Iwaizumi is mad. He is seething. If one were to give him a bat, he’d probably destroy the entire town by himself. Not because she was the one that cheated, not because she was the one going behind his back numerous times a week to seek out her lover when he’d been basically driven mad between Hoisuke’s cries and the stress of call meetings scheduled back to back. 

No, he’s angry. Because how the fuck could she do this to Hoisuke? How can she break the child’s heart like that, so ruthlessly, without even thinking twice about the consequences? 

Because if there is a victim in all this, then it’s definitely Hoisuke. And not only that, Hoisuke understands that his mother has been acting strange, that she doesn’t return at regular times and that her hugs now smell of cigarette smoke with a bittertaste of alcohol. 

Iwaizumi is so caught up in anger that he almost blunders past his battered Hyundai, red and chipping away at the corners. Still, this car holds so many memories, the good and the bad ones. 

“Can’t you get a newer car? I thought your company could sponsor you,” the ghost of his wife’s voice echoes through his head, a blatant reminder of all the things she’d found wrong in his life.

“Why?” he’d tilted his head around to fix his gaze on her figure bending over the sink. The TV was playing in the background and he thanked the gods that the morning comics were taking up Hoisuke’s attention, enough to distract him from his parents’ quibbles. 

“It’s just--so old and tacky.” 

“It still works well, doesn’t it? Why change it now?” 

She’d paused, hesitated slightly before blundering on, “It’s embarrassing. My colleagues keep asking if we're poor or something."

"Who cares what your colleagues think?"

Fuck her, Iwaizumi mentally swears as he turns on the ignition. Fuck her and all her needs for a better life. As if the life they had wasn't more than enough. Pulling out into the street to join the incoming traffic, he blinks away the sudden tears accumulating at the corner of his eyes and swears once more, this time aloud, glad that Hoisuke isn't in his presence when he gets in such a foul mood.

Iwaixumi may be angry. He may be filled with pent-up rage from the memory still attached to the day he'd discovered a used condom in their bathroom trash. But that doesn't mean it hurts any less.

That doesn't mean he does not still cry into his pillow over it every night.

----

"Please don't forget to do your homework for tomorrow! We'll correct them before moving on to the next chapter," you call out to your students as excited chatter fills the air. Students rise from their seats, some calling you bye and waving as they all file out of the classroom and you can't help the small smile lingering over your lips even though your feet are killing you.

Outside, parents have already lined up to collect their kids, the chatter and bustle of people ebbing away down the corridor as you let out a soft sigh.

"Miss?"

You jolt, not realizing that one of your students stands by the table wringing his hands, "what's wrong Hoisuke? Dad's not here yet?"

He shakes his head, watery eyes blinking up at you as he raises his thumb to his lips. You stand quickly and motion him to come close until he's within reach before your hand smoothes over the back of his head, "it's okay. He's probably stuck in traffic. I'll wait with you."

It's not surprising that parents get tardy once in a while and you're all too accustomed to those slight change in plans. Thankfully, you manage to distract the young boy with some coloured crayons and a piece of paper while you dial for his father's number.

It keeps ringing. No one picks up.

You try once more, one more time after that. But still, nothing. It shifts to voicemail. You decide it's better than nothing, "hi Iwaizumi-san. This is Y/N, Hoisuke's teacher. I was just wondering what time you would be picking up Hoisuke? Please call me as soon as possible. Thank you."

You end the call only to spot Hoisuke's eyes on you, intent and impatient for you to explain, "it's okay," you tell him with a smile, "he'll be here soon. Don't worry. Do you want to keep colouring some more?"

Hoisuke nods, to which your smile widens. It's those special moments, where your shyest students express themselves, that your chest warms with sympathy and affection. You've been there, you know how it feels like not to be heard, and you appreciate every interaction they offer you.

Being a primary school teacher is tough, especially since it wasn't in your original plans. But the satisfaction of bringing up some of the world's future leaders cancelled out all the late nights correcting tests and scrambled weekends trying to finish off as many worksheets as you possibly could for the coming week. You can’t complain, not when you have a decent salary that keeps bread on the table and a roof over your head.

A tug on your sleeve brings you back to Hoisuke looking up at you, a scribbled drawing of what seems to be of him and his dad. You feel yourself chuckling at how he's drawn both their hair in brown spikes, erratically extravagant and yet so close to reality.

"That's really good, Hoisuke!" You beam down at him, "what do you and your dad do on weekends?"

He shrugs shyly, head averted to the side so that there's no need for eye contact. And in the shyest voice he can muster up, he says:

"Daddy brings me...to see Mama," Hoisuke's words are barely above a mumble, "they live in different houses. They can't live together anymore."

Uneasiness squeeses in your stomach, followed by sympathy for this soft-hearted boy. You had overheard some of your colleagues giggling about Hoisuke's dad being attractive and single -- a combo that teachers adore -- but that doesn't mean that the weight of his words don't lay heavy on your own conscience.

"Do you miss your Mama a lot?" You ask him softly. Unconsciously, your hand finds a way to smooth over his head.

The boy doesn't pull away. Instead, he nods, "sometimes. But it is better this way. Daddy smiles more now. And there's no one to shout and make noise."

"Are you happy, Hoisuke? With your dad?"

He nods and to your amazement grins, "daddy is funny. He tells me not to swear but when he burns the food he always swears. And then he says to shush and tells me to close my ears. He also makes me pancakes every Saturday morning before I go see Mama."

Right on cue, a figure bursts through the open classroom door and both your heads snap to see a drenched, older version of Hoisuke who looks like he just finished running a marathon.

"I'm--" he wheezes, causing you to stand in alarm and concern, "I'm sorry I'm--so late--"

"Daddy, you forgot me again!" Comes Hoisuke's statement as you ask Iwaizumi if he's okay. He shakes off your worry with a flick of his hand and a shake of his head, "I'm fine. Sorry-- there's a nasty rain outside--"

"It's okay," you reassure him as Hoisuke practically barrels into his father and almosy knocks him off his feet.

"Sorry Hoisuke," you watch Iwaizumi's hardened features soften ever so slightly as he ruffles his son's hair. Then, looking back up at you as you bring over Hoisuke's backpack, he says, "thank you. For looking after him."

"It's no problem, honestly. We had fun didn't we?" You grin down at your student and are delighted to find Hoisuke grinning back up at you, albeit shyly, "I put his homework in his diary. He'll need to complete it for tomorrow so that he doesn't fall behind in class."

His father nods, "alright. Thanks."

"Daddy, your hair looks atrocious," Hoisuke says, tugging onto his shirt.

"Atrocious huh?" Iwazumi's eyebrow rise, "someone was listening in their English class today."

"Atrocious means that it looks bad. Daddy, your hair looks bad."

"Thanks buddy, I knew that. Now say bye to Miss Y/N."

"Bye bye, miss Y/N," Hoisuke says, wriggling his short arm through the air as you wave back with a giggle. His father nods at you in silent thanks, makes a move to walk out of the class, only to swivel back to you just as you're collecting your bag.

"Uhm," he clears his throat, causing you to jump slightly, "yes?" You blink back at him and try hard not to stare at the way his white shirt clings to his toned chest, translucent from the rain.

"Do you need a ride?"

-----

You've known Iwaizumi since high school. Having graduated just two years later than he did, his reputation had preceded him throughout the school halls even though you'd never actually had any face to face interaction with the said man. Iwaizumi doesn't know this of course and you are adamant about keeping it a secret. But that plan seems to be unraveling before your very eyes the moment your small talk turns towards your academic history.

"You're from Aoba Johsai?" His surprised glance doesn't escape your notice, especially since that's the most reaction you've gotten out of him.

"Yeah," your eyes stay glued to the row of cars crawling through the motorway, "I remember you went there too, right?"

"How'd you know?"

"You were Aoba's ace volleyball player. Everyone knew who you were."

His silence answers you and for a moment, you fear that you might have offended him. Not that it's something to be offended about.

Before you try to scratch your brain for some kind of response -- any response -- Hoisuke pipes up from the back seat, "Daddy was famous back when he was in high school. He hit the ball like kapow! And jumped so high he can touch the sky."

"Oh? Have you seen him on camera?" You turn slightly, a small smile dangling off your lips at how adorably amazed and excited Hoisuke seems to be.

"Yeah! His spikes are so awesome! It goes pow! And it zooms! Like a cannon ball!"

You burst out laughing, "yes, your father was amazing whenever he was on the court. Every girl in our class had a crush on him."

"What's a crush?"

"Hmm, you know when you really like someone. You like like them, you want to be together with them. Like, girlfriend and boyfriend."

"Oh," Hoisuke draws out, "did you really like daddy too?"

"Yeah I did."

"What?" Iwaizumi almost chokes on his own spit at the same time traffic eases and you're glad for the distraction, for you're certain there's a scattering of colour upon your cheeks.

"Do you really like him now?" Hoisuke persists, undoubtly untouched by the embarrassment taking over his father's features and you swear that more than ever, you want to laugh at how flustered Iwaizumi looks.

You decide to play nice though and instead turn to wink at your student, "that's a secret for me to keep."

You don't have to look twice to know that the man beside you is bursting into hot flames.

-----

"Did you really like Mama before you started living separately?"

Iwaizumi swears that he's never felt so uncomfortable in his life. Not when he's had to state that he was divorced, not when he had to sign divorce papers half drunk off his ass. Not even when he'd raged after his said ex-wife after finding a tie that wasn't his own in his laundry pile.

Now is probably a good definition of what uncomfortable means.

"You're not gonna let me off the hook are you?" He steals a glance at Hoisuke from over his shoulder while stirring the vegetable curry, "yes, I really liked your mother."

"Did she?"

The word 'yes' almost slips past his mouth. Except, he isn't sure whether that's the truth and decides to shoot back with, "have you finished your homework, Hoisuke? You know it's due tomorrow. Miss Y/N said so."

"Do you really like miss Y/N?"

"What?" Iwaizumi frowns, "well--no. Not like that."

"Why?" His son whines, "I really really like Miss Y/N. She's nice to me and she never shouts. And she bakes good cookies!"

"How'd you know that?" Iwaizumi leans over to taste a bit of the sauce. Not bad, he thinks and mentally pats himself on the back. A few weeks ago, he would've probably burnt the entire house down.

"Because she bakes them every month. Every time we finish a test."

"That's nice of her."

"Yes," there's a pause as the man fishes out a bowl in which to serve the curry, "daddy, what do you do when you really like someone? Do you marry them like you and Mama did?"

"Uh--yeah. Sure."

"Then does that mean I need to marry Miss Y/N if I really like her?"

"Yup."

"Daddy!"

Iwaizumi bursts out laughing. Turning off the stovetop and bringing the bowl over to the dining table, he reaches out to ruffle his son's hair with a grin, "you're the one who has a crush on miss Y/N."

"She's too old for me Daddy," grumbles Hoisuke while scooping out two rice bowls as the pair sit down for dinner, "but she'll be good for you."

"Not that simple, buddy," Iwaizumi says as he dumps two spoonfuls of curry into his son's bowl, before doing the same with his own, "there's a difference between like and love."

A frown falls over his son's face, so like his own that Iwaizumi can't help but chuckle, "what is the difference?"

"Well, when you really like someone, you might want to get to know them better. Or play with them andd shit--stuff like that. When you love someone, it's..." he hesitates, "it's different."

"Why?"

There goes that innocent question that punctures his chesy a little too deeply. The brown-haired man steadies his gaze upon the calendar fixed on the wall opposite him as he answers with:

"When you love someone, you want to live with them. You want to start a family with them. Their happiness," his brown orbs switch back to his son's focused attention, "their happiness is all that matters."

Maybe it's the fact that he's not used to speaking so truthfully about such things. Maybe it's just Hoisuke who suddenly realizes the layers hidden beneath his father's poker-faced exterior. But for a moment, neither of them speak, as if bewitched by a silencing spell if broken by the scraping of cutlery against porcelain.

"Did you love mama?"

Hoisuke's voice is small, fragile. So fragile that Iwaizumi pauses just as his spoon reaches his mouth, glancing over at his boy. His beautiful boy.

"Yeah."

Another short pause. "Did she love me?"

"Of course she did," Iwaizumi's face softens. To be honest, Hoisuke hadn't showed any kind of restraint during the entire divorce procedure, had merely accepted things as they had unfolded before his very eyes. But sometimes, Iwaizumi fears his son might be keeping more from him than he lets on.

He ressembles his mother a lot in that sense.

"Then," wet coffee-coloured eyes blink up at him, lips trembling with a hoarse whisper, "why'd she leave?"

Before his father can say anything, the young boy bursts into tears.

Iwaizumi rushes over, clasping Hoisuke in his embrace as the child buries his face into his neck and cries and cries and cries. His little heart beats like wild horses and with every sob echoing through hid body, Iwaizumi feels his own heart break over and over again. One of his hands rub comforting circles of Hoisuke's back, while the other smoothes over the back of his head as he murmurs soft nothings in hopes that it will calm down the young child.

"I want--" Hoisuke's voice is thick with tears, "I want Mama--"

"Shh, hey it's okay," Iwaizumi murmurs out, "s'alright kiddo. I got you."

Hoisuke falls asleep eventually, the soft sniffles dying out into even breaths as he slumps against his father’s shoulder, probably tired out from his earlier emotions. Iwaizumi takes this as his chance to tuck the boy into bed, glad that he’d listened to the small subconscious in his head telling him that Hoisuke would be falling asleep sooner rather than latter. 

As he smoothes over his son’s hair, a part of him wonders how much Hoisuke is still silently hurting from his mother’s departure. He can’t imagine it; suddenly changing lives like you’ve merely changed your bed sheets and Iwaizumi had been so caught up in his own heartbreak, in his own bout of silent rage, that he’d forgotten that along the way, Hoisuke was also a victim to their endless fighting, the cold war that had broken his family apart. 

He wishes he can take the pain away, ease it somehow. But it’s not that simple. The truth is, no one can actually predict how a heart gets broken, nor when it does. The only evidence are the repurcussions. And it’s only now that Iwaizumi gets to see it truly take its form. 

Leaning over to press a soft kiss to Hoisuke’s forehead, Iwaizumi murmurs his silent goodnight before walking out and gently closing the bedroom door behind him. 

He leans onto the hard wooden surface and rubs his eyes. It is only upon pulling them away that he takes notice of the family photograph hanging on the opposite wall, frozen smiles wrapped up in lies.

He really needs to take that down.

-----

[mysinsforbts]

The present I couldn’t give you

Kim Seokjin x (f) reader

Dom Boyfriend Seokjin x Sub (f) reader

Rating: +18  

About:  Birthdays mark the day of someones birth. That's why we celebrate those days and want to give presents to the people we like/love. You weren't any different. Seokjin's birthday was a day away and you wanted to make him happy. But what can you give to someone who has everything, at this time of the year, 2020. When you're insecure about yourself, Seokjin gives you courage and shows you the real meaning of a present. After all, things that come from the heart are the most meaningful ones. 

Warnings:  semi angst, smut, cursing, dom/sub heavy, dom Seokjin, size kink,  dirty talk, handcuffs, kitchen sex, daddy kink,  hickeys/marking, masturbation, vaginal fingering, oral (f), handjob, squirting, teasing and A LOT fluff.  (Let me know if I forgot something~ )

( I’m sorry it took so long! I’ve lost my inspiration for a long time. But I’m better now~ The description above sounds very bad.. lol ♡ )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2 years of love. 2 years of happiness. 2 years of trust and hardships. Today is the day your wonderful boyfriend, Kim Seokjin asked you to be his girlfriend. It's a special day but not only because of your love. Today is also Seokjin's birthday. That is why you planned on doing something special for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ A day before ~

"Ahh.. god! I don't know what to do. I don't want to buy something for him.. that is to easy. We also can't really go anywhere because of.. well 2020", you sighed while looking at your phone. You were talking to Jimin, a great friend of yours and Seokjin's group member. "Mhh... How about you sing him a song?", jimin smiled while trying not to burst into laughter. You giggeld but sighed straight after, "For what? To embarrasse myself or hurt his ears??". You knew that Jimin loved to tease you, but now wasn't the time. You just had one day left and you still didn't have a clue of what you could give to him. Jimin startef to laugh and turned away from you, "Sorry.. haha~ Mhh.. you could paint him something?", and than he continued to laugh. "Jimin!..", you blushed at the thought of giving Jin a weird drawing. You for the hell of satan couldn't draw or paint. "Do you have fun pointing out my weaknesses?", you giggeled while shaking your head. "What?? I'm sure Seokjin-hyung would love it. He probably would hang it on his wall no matter how bad it is~", jimin laughed while pushing his hair out of his face. You rolled your eyes and sighed, "But it can't be bad! It has to be something beautiful!".

"Write him a letter!", jimin said. "I did that already last year. It was 2 pages long", you sighed. "Make him a album with all your photos in it!", jimin brought up the next idea. "That!... oh no I did that also last year.. for christmas", you slowly lost hope. Was there anything you haven't done for him at this point??  "That is very difficult than..", even Jimin sighed now. "Good! There is only one option left! Do you wanna hear it?", he said with this smirk on his face. You knew something was up. "What??- I have the feeling it's a bad idea.. but tell me", you answered while taking your cup to take a sip from it.

"Give him a lapdance!", jimin proudly said while licking his lips. You couldn't believe what you just heard and chocked on your drink. "I should- What??-", you asked shocked while coughing. "Yeah! People do that and more in movies all the time!", jimin smirked, "That is porn jiminssi!", you heard jungkook's voice in the back. After you could breath again you turned back to your video chat, "I-.. you know what.. I'm not even gonna ask!", you blushed, "But Seokjin and I aren't that far in our realtionship..", you looked shy away.

"You can't tell me is vanilla?? He for sure isn't!", jungkook all of sudden grabbed jimin's phone and looked at you.. "I saw him buying handcuffs a few days ago!", he bursted out. "HE WHAT??", jimin and you asked at the same time. "I really saw it! So I wouldn't be suprised if he would be into a lapdance.. from you~", kookie smirked while giving jimin his phone back. "Ohh.. that is some news~ Who thought Seokjin-hyung is a dom??", jimin smirked too. You cheeks were so red and you felt so hot, like you were out in the glowing sun. The thoughts made you curious and you wanted to ask more, but..

"DID YOU honestly think I'm a sub??", you heard a voice behind your back. The voice sounded pissed but also ironic at the same time. "Jinni!", you said while turning around to your boyfriend. He was home sooner than expected. "Hey love~", seokjin said while kissing your head, "I didn't know you were disscussing our privat live with my group members~", he said laughing while taking off his jacket. You just blushed, "I- didn't-", but before you could end the sentence, Jimin answered for you. "No hyung, it was my fault I was teasing her about beeing so slow in a realtionship!", he giggeled and winked at you. You got the hint and decided to play along, "Yes and I was trying to explain to them why our realtionship is like that! And that I'm happy that it is what it is", you sighed while leaning on jin. Jin sat down right next you and kissed your cheek while laughing, "You're doing such a good job love! Not everyone has such a high sex drive like you Jimin~". Jungkook and you both started laughing while Jimin just pouted.

And the day also went by.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ Today ~

As you woke up it still was dark outside. You looked around in the dark room before your gaze stopped at your sleeping boyfriend. He looked so handsome even in the dark. You were so lucky. As you layed there and watched him you still thought of a present. Buf before you could make a decission Seokjin cuddeld close to you and hugged you thightly. It looked so adorable. His big body with his bright shoulders clinging on to your small one. Not wanting to wake him you didn't move, just raised your hand to caresses through his hair.

Than an idea came to your mind. 'Something beautiful doesn't mean it has to be a lot', you thought. You decided to keep it simple this year. 'I will just make breakfast and give him a good massage!', you smiled, happy that you finally found a present. The only problem now was, how would you leave without waking Jin up. Seokjin's head was laying on your chest while his arm is laying on your thighs. Carefully you tried to sneak your legs out under his arm. As your legs were hanging out of the bed you gently lifted up jin's head and layed him on the pillow next to you. For your luck Seokjin just continued to sleep as he cuddeld himself into the blanket you just gave him. You toke your phone from the nightstand and searched for Seokjin's shirt. You loved wearing his clothes, they all smelled like him and they were so comfortable. You just had to find your underwear and than you could go. But finding it with just your phone light was not as easy as the shirt. 'Shit?! Where did jinni threw them last night??', you cursed yourself for not picking them up before you fell asleep.

You eyed Seokjin's boxers and smirked, 'well.. his fault', you thought while putting on your boyfriend's boxers. Now you finally could go into the kitchen. The moment you stood up, you felt yourself beeing pulled back, "Where are you going love??", seokjin whined while having his arms around you, pulling you close again. You layed your hands on top of his arms and giggeld, "I was going to the bathroom jinni~". You whispered, "Can you let me go please?". After a few seconds you felt his arms disappear, "But be fast! I feel lonely without you~", he whined while turning around. You did your best not to giggle at him. For what is he so adorable??

As you looked over to him once again, he breathed slowly. 'Guess he fell asleep again..', you smiled and stood up. You went into the bathroom and almost got a shook while looking into the mirror.  Your whole neck was covered in hickeys and bite marks from last night. Not just your neck, also your shoulders and thighs were full. 'Shit.. that's hot', you bit your lip and brushed your teeth. After you were done you walked into the kitchen and closed the door. It was still dark outside and the kitchen was colder than expected. First you made coffee for yourself, while taking a sip here and there you started to prepare everything for the pancakes. 'Cooking might be not my thing but for my wonderful boyfriend I'll try my best', that was what you thought.

Well.. it sounded better in your head. The moment you put the oil in the pan everything went wrong. First try. Second try. Third try. All those pancakes were to thinn and also a bit burned. Teary eyed you looked at the ruined food. 'If I continue like this jinni will laugh at me. I'll just embarrasse myself..maybe I should stop here?', you turned the stove off and thought about whatelse you could make for breakfast. But the longer you thought the more tears started to run down your face, 'I really don't deserve him', that was your end thought. 'Jinni does so much for me. But I... I can't even cook without having any problems..', you never felt more disappointed in yourself. You hid your face in your hands, not knowing what to do now, 'I'm the worst girlfriend ever.. I don't even have a present', the negative thoughts crashed down on you and it felt like all you could see was black. 

As soon as you wanted to rub your hand over you cheek, someone caught your hand in his. 'Jinni-', you thought while looking up to him. But all you saw was a blurr. The feeling of his warm, big hand on your cheek made you feel butterflys in your stomatch. With one touch, one word, one gaze he managed to wip all those bad thoughts away. "Love?", seokjin asked with his raw morning voice. The look on his face told you that he was confused, worried but also ready to protect you from whatever had hurt you. In that moment Seokjin was like the moon which stripped away your darkness. He was like a prince on a white horse. Like a hero from a action movie.

"What happened?? Please don't cry!", he whispered while kneeing before you, caressing over your cheeks. He reached over to gave you a tissue. But all you could do was hugging him, clinging on to his back. Without wasting a second, without saying anything he hugged you back. Seokjin held you tightly in his arms, while caressing your back. He looked around and realised that you probably wanted to cook something. A second later he found himself smiling. Today was his birthday and his amazing partner wanted to cook him something. That meant so much to him. He thought highly of you and he loved you so much. "Do you need my help? You know I'm the cook champion right?~", jin whispered in your ear and smirked as you started to laugh. You laughed with tears in your eyes. It always was a mystery to you how seokjin could make you feel so many things. One touch and you felt so safe as no one could ever hurt you. One word and you felt like the most loved person on this world. One gaze made you feel so much hope. And one kiss can make you lose your mind.

Jin looked at you with this warm, loving gaze. His eyes were so welcoming. His hand caressed the last bit of your tears away, before gently pushing your hair out of your face, "Whatever happened, I won't be mad love. So please talk to me?~", he said with a calm voice. You pouted while looking at him, "I wanted to make you pancakes for breakfast as your birthday present.. but I failed.. no matter how hard I try it just won't work. I'm very sorry Jinni". Explaining made you almost tear up again, "I thought you would be dissapointed, you always do so much for me but I can't even make you a simple birthday present..". As soon as you looked down Seokjin's fingers grabed your chin to make you look at him, "I'm not dissapointed! The thought alone makes me happy. That you would make something selfmade for me and you also tried so hard. Which makes me so proud as your boyfriend! Thank you Y/N! But my most amazing birthday present is you, by my side, 24/7~", jinni smiled and cutely squished your cheeks, "So please stop crying now? We should make some pancakes for breakfast right? I'll train you from today on! You better be greatful, the pancake-champion himself will train you!".

You started to laugh and grabbed his hands to pull them away from your face, "Okay I won't cry anymore jinni!". The moment he turned around, you moved fast and hugged him from behind. Hiding your face in his still naked back, "Thank you Seokjin! You're the best boyfriend someone could ever have! I'll try my best to learn from you", I whispered. After a few seconds of silence you noticed that Jinni still was shirtless and you just hugged him tightly. Blushing and trying to control your emotions you let him go while walking past him to the stove. "S-so what do we need first?", you asked while looking around trying to find an answer. From behind you could feel Seokjin smirk. But than he walked next to you like nothing happened. "We should start from the beginning, so you'll learn better", he said while smiling at you.

That's how you learned to make pancakes from your handsome boyfriend. You couldn't help but to admire him. Even his teaching was attractiv. Everyone knew how amazing Jin is at cooking but seeing it for yourself is really a blessing. The way his hand had such a strong grip and his veins just turned you on. Who could blame you? Your boyfriend was making pancakes, shirtless and with his veins popping out in his arms. Also the look he gave those pancakes didn't make it better. 'I wish he would look at me like that and grab me like-',.. "Y/N are you there?? Have you been listening to me?", seokjin stood infront of you with some finished pancakes, "I said.. you can sit down. We can eat~", with that he walked past you and sat down on a chair. You blinked once, twice and shortly followed him to also sit down. The moment Jin started to eat, you stopped him, "Jinni! Hold on!". - "to your hand?", he looked at you, just to start laughing. Leaning over the table, still laughing over his pun, you kissed him gently and whispered, "Happy Birthday", against his lips. Seokjin smiled against your lips. "How are you this sweet?", he smirked and kissed you back. Than he leaned away and placed a part of the pancake in your mouth, "You should eat too~". Your eyes opened in suprise and you sat back down. Chewing on the pancake you pouted and looked at your now happily eating boyfriend. He looked like he was in paradise. This picture infront of your eyes made you so happy and you couldn't help but to smile. After enjoying the sight for a few minutes, you started to eat too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ 2 hours later ~

You just finished cleaning up kitchen while Jinni went to take a shower. Sitting on the chair while leaning your head on your hand you couldn't help but to think about that handcuffs thing. What does he want to do with them? Will he test them out on me tonight? Just the thought alone made you thighs temble. It's not like Jin and you had never done it before. You did it a few times and you enjoyed every second of it. But that thought of beeing a sub for him turned you even more on. The wetness between your legs wasn't to ignore anymore, so you rubbed your thighs together. But that wasn't nearly enough. Wanting more, you pushed a hand down your body. Carressing over your already hard nippels, down to Seokjin's boxers. You pushed one hand under them as you gently rubbed your clit. That felt so good.

Your memorys from last night played out once again in your head. The way his big hands felt on your body. The way his big king sized cock pounded into you. Seokjin was so hot with sweat running down his face, growling your name. His words made your head dizzy while his hands overstimulated you. Without noticing it you pushed two fingers in your now wet and needy hole. The fact that you fingered yourself in his boxer just turned you more on. Your clit pulsed, it wanted to be touched so bad. Letting out a sigh and a moan here and there you closed your eyes. Totally lost in your thoughts and pleasure you didn't hear Jinni come out of the bathroom. He walked towards you but stood still the moment he saw what you did. His eyes got wide and he almost moaned at the sight.

Seokjin felt his cock getting hard through his towel, "Fuck.. I'm so lucky..", he said with a deep, raw voice. His gaze lingered on you, just watching you getting yourself off. Slowly he rubbed his hand against the towel, trying to hold himself together. But he wanted more, he wanted you. All of you.

The moment you let out a cute whine was when he lost it. Seokjin walked towards you, grabbed your hand and kissed you deeply. You whined at the lost of touch but happily kissed back as you felt Jin's warm, soft lips on yours. After a bit he pulled away and took your hand to his mouth, just to suck on your fingers. Gosh..

That sight was so attractiv. You rubbed your thighs together while watching him with sinfull eyes. You started to wonder what that tongue of his would feel like between your thighs, on your clit or while thrusting in your hole. A moan left you as you felt Seokjin's other hand rub over your clit, down to your hole and back up. He didn't add much pressure to tease you. One of his finger started to slowly circle your clit while he looked at you with those wide blown eyes. He also wanted you, like you wanted him.

"You're such a naughty girl, you know that love? I saw you earlier~", Jinni said while still playing with your clit. With the next few words he added more pressure to his moves, "Did you want to be seen by me?". His words sounded more like a statement than a question. You whined and couldn't help but spread your legs more apart. Wanting more of his touch, of his dirty words you looked at him with a pout, "Jinni~ I'm so wet for you~ Please help me?~", you whined. Your sudden cuteness made him laugh and shake his head, "How can I say no to such a cute lady?", he smiled as he looked at you. "But..", than Seokjin's sweet smile turned into a evil smirk, "A lady doesn't get herself off on a kitchen chair. Right my princess?", he gently snapped his finger against your clit and stood up. "Take your clothes off and lay on the kitchen table! I'll be there in a few seconds princess~", his voice sounded even deeper than before. With one last glance to you he walked out of the room.

Still sitting on the chair, letting out a deep breath and trying to realise what just happened. Your cute boyfriend Seokjin just turned into one hot dom. His behavior completly changed. You didn't know if it was just you but today he seemed even more of a dom than yesterday. The pluse of your clit brought you back to reality. Without wasting another second you jumped up and took of Seokjin's shirt and boxers. It was something new, it made you excited and turned you on so much. You layed on the table like Jinni told you too, now waiting for him. Lucky you didn't wait any second longer because he just walked back into the kitchen. You looked to him and saw the pair of handcuffs in his hands. 'HE REALLY BOUGHT THEM??', you blushed at looked away again. But before you could look anywhere else Seokjin grabbed your chin and turned your head to him again, "Getting shy now love? I want to try something new today! I'm sure you'll like it!", he leaned in to kiss you once again. While pushing his tongue in your mouth and starting a make out with you, he pulled your arms over your head. Gently caressing over your wrists while moaning into the kiss.

'Click'. After the sound Seokjin pulled away and licked his lips, smirking at you, "After all you want me to help you right?~", he looked at you with this dark shining eyes. You felt your clit pulls once again. 'Fuck- Why is he so hot??', you bit your lip and nodded at his words. His hand caressed over your neck, down to one of your breasts, grabbing one and massaging it. With his thumb he played with your nipple here and there, making you whine. "Do you like this?", jinni whispered against your other breast before licking over your nippel with his tongue. He played with you and you loved it. The way he teased you, made you drip even more. Your legs were shaking, your whines are geting louder with every pull of your nippels. And than Seokjin stopped touching you. He moved away from your body and looked at you, "Answer me love!". You looked up at him and quickly understood why he stopped, "Yes Seokji-", you started but let out a yelp as you felt a pull of your right nipple. "Wrong name love!", he spread your legs while looking at you with this intimidating stare. You knew what he meant but you were to shy to actually call him that. It was one of your kinks, you told him that once. You just weren't expecting him to bring that up one day. With one day you meant now. Closing your eyes, you felt your face heat up, '"Yes D-Dadd-", getting cut off in the middle of your answer, you opened you eyes quickly. "Worldwide Handsome", jinni said while looking at you with a bright grin.

As he saw your flushed, shocked face he couldn't help himself but to laugh. As you realised that he just pulled a joke on you, you started to pout and laugh too, "Yaah! Jinnii..", you whined and looked away. Seokjin chuckled and leaned down to give you a kiss, "Sorry love~ Did I spoil the mood now?", he smiled at you. Shaking your head and kissing him back you answered, "No I'm still wet for you Jinni~".

"Will you let me eat you out than, princess?", he asked with his deeper voice while kneeling down infront of the table you still layed on. Your smile left your face as all your dirty thoughts came back. Spreading your legs open for him you whined,"Please jinni.. my prince~", you added teasingly. Seokjin just smirked up you and leaned forward. First he gently pressed his tongue on your dripping slit, giving you small kitten licks. The way his eyes closed and he just tasted you made your clit pulls even more. "You taste so good my princess~", he whispered against your cunt. The moment after he circled your clit with his tongue, gently sucking on it here and there. With his one finger he played with your entrance before pushing it all the way in. Your moans became louder with every touch he gave you. Also the table just got runied as your dripping juice landed on it, wetting the material. But you couldn't care less as Jinni pushed another finger into you, slowly starting to move them. In and out. Up and down. His tongue played harshly with your clit. Licking, flicking and sucking it. His breath felt so hot on your skin. You wanted to touch him so bad but couldn't. The handcuffs didn't allow you to move very much. But you enjoyed it, you loved it and you wanted to feel more.

"Do you like it when I thrust deep into you?", he asked, looking up to you. His eyes were so dark and full of desire. With one move of his fingers you arched your back of the table and almost screamed. Seokjin smirked. He found it. He found that one spot that let you see stars. "You really liked that huh?", he leaned back down to suck on your already red clit. As he started too hit your hidden spot with every thrust of his fingers you lost it. Screaming and throwing your head back and forth was the only thing you could do.

"Cum", is all he had to whisper and you let go. Your legs felt shaky, your eyes were closed as you tried to catch your breath. Seokjin pulled his fingers out and licked them clean. With his other hand he gently caressed over your stomatch. "Are you okay love?", he asked and leaned down to kiss you deeply. Kissing him back while nodding. You felt how his hands moved up to yours and opened the handcuffs. Jinni took your hands in his and gently caressed them, "Did it hurt?". You looked up at him and smiled, "No Jinni~ You were amazing and I very much enjoyed it!". He kept holding your hands and looked into your eyes. It should feel tense but there was something different now. He had a slight hint of happiness in his eyes.

"When you fell fron heaven to become my sinner?", he winked at you and started to laugh. You couldn't believe he used that line on you. "D-Did you just-", is how you started but ended as you realised he called you a 'sinner'. "DID you just c-call me a SINNER??", pulling your hands away from his, you gasped. Slapping your hand over your mouth, "How could you??". Seokjin just had to look at you and understood the game you were playing. He loved you for it. "What are you than? A nun??", he smirked while looking at your neck, "But a nun shouldn't have those things~", he pointed at your hickeys. "N-No! But I'm an Angel~", you smiled as innocent as possible at him. Jinni started to laugh while shaking his head, "Says the one who discusses our sex life with my group members~". Making you gasp again while grabbing something from behind, "Says the one who uses handcuffs on his girlfriend~", you smirked right back at him. And than both of you started to laugh. Everything was like usually and that was what you loved about your realtionship. It's doesn't always have to be serious. Jinni always made you have fun.

Seokjin hugged you and kissed your cheek, "I love you so much my princess~", he kissed your nose and than your forhead. Enjoying his touch you giggeld, "I love you too my prince~ Very much~", you leaned in and kissed him deeply on the lips. Out of the soft kiss another make out started. Your tongues were all over each other. Without thinking you pushed him down on the table and pulled down his towel. His king sized cock jumped straight up in your hand and pullsed once. You pulled away from the kiss just to look down. A glance of his throbbing hard dick alone made you all horny again. Taking it in your hand and rubbing lazly up and down. Your slow moves got faster after a bit time had passed. Jinnis growls were so hot. Just as you were about to lean down he pushed you gently away, "S-Stop! I want to cum in you~", seokjin said while sitting up.

He stood up and before you could say something he picked you up as you were his bride and walked back to your bedroom. Arms around his neck, face against his sweaty still wet chest. He smelled soo damk good and you felt so damn safe. It was an amazing feeling. But that soon ended as he just dropped you on the bed and almost jumped over you. "Sorry princess, but I can't wait any longer! I can't be gently now.. let me ruin you?~", seokjin growled, spreading your legs and leaving more marks on your neck. His hips started to rub his cock against your  wet slit. You moaned and let your head fall back against the pillow, "Y-Yes please ruin me Daddy~". You did it. You let it all out. Your fantasy finally becoming reality. You looked up at your prince, to see how he reacted. Jinni didn't mind at all. His innocence was long gone and everything you said just made his cock want you more. He couldn't wait to feel your insides,to feel your clench around him. Without a warning he pushed into you. Softly, inch by inch. But his inches were huge. He wasn't even half in yet.

"Are you sure you can take all of Daddy today?", he had stopped for a while. Caressing over your thighs while kissing your stomatch. You just nodded and whined a quiet, "Y-Yes more daddy", since your mind was blank. All you could feel was him. Lucky that was all Jinni needed to continue. He pushed all of him into you, until his hips met your thighs. You felt so full but you loved beeing full. You loved taking all of his huge cock.

Seokjin stayed still and played with your nipples, "Daddy is so proud of you~ You take me so well! Look how amazing we fit together~", he praised you again. The feeling made you tear up. It just felt so good. "M-move please..", you whined while laying your hands around his neck, wanting him closer. But you also just pushed him deeper, which made both of you moan loudly. All of sudden you felt his precum dripping down your thigh. Quickly forgetting about it as you felt a hard, deep thrust, "Look what you did love! Making me lose my mind! I will destroy you~", seokjin moaned against your neck while grabbing your legs. He pulled them over his shoulders as he thrusted into you in a fast pace. Hard, deep and fast wasn't the best thing for you. You screamed, yelled, threw your head from side to the other and even cried tears as you two got lost in the ocean of pure desire. You were such a mess and Seokjin enjoyed that.

"I'm going too-", jinni growled while pounding into you with an incredible speed. "I'm your dom Y/N! My cum in you will be the proof for it!". His dirty words made you fall over the cliff. Your whole body started to shake and you even squirted. Screaming out his name over and over again. Seokjin felt you clenching around him. You would cum any second. As he heard your scream his name it was over for him. With a few quick, fast thrusts he painted your walls white. Breathing hardly he let himself fall on top of you and rolled you over. Now you layed on his chest while he held you close. Jinni caressed over your back while kissing your forhead gently, "You did so well my lovely princess~", his voice was filled with so much love and warmth. You smiled and looked up to him, kissing him with all the strengh you had left. "You also were amazing Worldwide Handsome~", you whispered against his lips with a giggle coming out of your moth. Seokjin just chuckled and grabbed the blanket just to pull it over the both of you, "Let's stay like this for a few more minutes until I'll clean you up okay?", he whispered while kissing your hair. The only thing you could do was nod as a sudden tiredness overcame your body. The last thing you heard, before you fell asleep was Jinnis, 'I love you'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 ~ A few hours later in the evening ~

As you felt the sun shining on your face you slowly opened your eyes. The first thing you felt was Seokjin's breath against your neck, the first thing you saw was the sunset over the city and the first thing that came to your mind was Seokjin's birthday. You two should've been with his other members by now, celebrating his birthday. But instead you were sleeping almost all day. Looking over to your wonderfull, still sleeping boyfriend you couldn't bring yourself to wake him. Jinni looked so happy and calm. You raised one hand to caress through his soft, fluffy hair. The only thing you could at moment was admiring him. You were so damn lucky to have such a boyfriend like Seokjin.

"Love?", you heard his still sleepy sounding voice in your ear. All of sudden you got pushed back into the matress as Jinni got on top of you. Suddenly kissing you with so much passion. Still suprised but so in love, you kissed him back while caressing over his bright shoulders, down his strong back. After another make out he pulled away and smiled at you. The brightest smile you ever saw on Seokjin. "I'm so happy to have you Y/N. You always do so much for me and you're always there for me. Today I had a great day, thanks to you. I actually have everyday a great day because of you. I don't need bought things or special suprises. The only thing I need is you Y/N. You are the best present I ever got!". His words sounded so beautiful, so honest and also so full of love. You could yourself feel getting teary eyed and your heart atched so painful but also so full of happiness. You weren't sure what you felt but it was a rollercoaster of emotions.

You smiled at him and just realised from his look that you must have started to cry. A minute later you could feel a tear running down your cheek. Today morning you were so insecure and frustrated with yourself and now your boyfriend just told you how he feels about you. That you were more then enough for him. That fact alone made you feel so happy.

Hugging jinni while trying to find words you could say to him, "I'm glad jinni! I was scared that I wouldn't be good enough for you since I didn't have any kind of idea for a present. But now I don't think so anymore! I'm just so thankfull to have you by my side~", is what you rambled together. Your tears stopped in the middle of talking but your voice still cracked a bit. Seokjin hugged you tightly while just letting you talk. He caressed through your hair and chuckled as you finished. "We really must be destined to be each others presents. Because I never told you, but there was a time when I had the same thoughts. But not anymore~", he leaned away to look in your eyes, "I truly love you!", he said with a bright smile on his stunning face. "I truly love you too, Kim Seokjin", you said with a happy and honest smile on your face.

"AWWW~ What a beautiful Scene!!", said a voice from the bedroom door, "You're amazing Hyung! No wonder that your realtionship is going on for so long!", another voice. This seems kind of familiar. Jungkook's voice! Your head snapped towards the door and you saw the two younger members, Jimin and Jungkook standing there. Smirks covering there face. You pulled the blanket closer to your body while hiding behind the sheets. "YAH! What are you doing here?? Out! Now!", Seokjin gave you the whole blanket and jumped up to see the boys out. But sadly he forget that he wasn't wearing anything either. "Hyung are you sure you wanna go out like that? The others are here too, you know?", jungkook pointed at Seokjin's body and tried his best not to laugh out loud.  ( I was dying writing this lol ).

"Wow! Did you grew bigger since the last time I saw you?? That is not fair! I want to be king sized too!!", Jimin whined while walking away, but later on you could hear is laugh. 'Such a slytherin..', you thought while trying your best to hold it togther. But the situation was just to funny and embarrassing. "I- What??", Seokjin looked down on himself as he realised that he was still naked after our exciting event earlier on. "Shit! Jungkook out! I'll be there any minute", he stuttered and you could already imagine how red his ears must have become. "Sure sure hyung! I'm happy for you. And nice hickeys Y/N~", the younger flashed you a smirk while walking away, closing the door behind him. That left you two alone again.

Silcence. Now it was quiet. The embarrassment still in the air. 1,2,3..laughter was heard. Seokjin and you both bursted out in tears of laughter while looking at each other. In your head you agreed with Jimin's words. This all was a beautiful scene! And your bound was a beautiful present.

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(I hope you enjoyed! ♡ )

[helenazbmrskai]

Not Alone

Title Not Alone

Pairing Yoongi x OC

Summary University is kicking your ass so you always make sure to dedicate a day for yourself and take time to pamper your body and soul. However, you’re cautious around Yoongi your roommate and double-check the d-day to prevent accidents. You're not a fan of revealing any skin because of your insecurities but it’s just happening to be the day when you are - not so alone.

Genre university au, roommate au, romance and fluff, smut

Warning(s) smut (body worshipping, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, messy sex, first time, virgin reader, dirty talk, vanilla sex, yoongi has a virgin kink but not explicitly mentioned) implication of insecure reader, shy and curvy reader

Word count: 9k

Masterlist

This universe is related to my other fic I wrote recently ’one time boy space friend’ you can read that one here.

Washing the excess shaving cream off of my hand I grab my phone I previously placed on the toilet’s folded lid lightly humming the outline of the song currently playing. The new playlist Yoongi recommended is full of bangers as always I have no doubt his fate was eventually to end up as a music major. I take a glance at my reflection when I was able to secure the new position for my phone on the laundry basket with the top slightly open reminding me that I need to do laundry if I want to have clothes to wear.

I take a glance at my reflection removing the fog that made the lines of my face blurry with a towel hanging next to the sink on a hook realising later that I used Yoongi’s looking back at the sheepish smile that greets me in the mirror I placed the fabric back hoping that Yoongi won’t mind.

An unknown rap song’s first beats suddenly interrupted by an incoming call that the familiar piano version of my favourite song signalled. I smile seeing the callers ID, placing the toner back to its dust-filled spot next to Yoongi’s shaving cream I make sure to use the right towel this time to dry my hands with before swiping right on the call.

”Hey, What’s the matter?” I answer it with a huge grin plastered on my face making my cheeks ride up into a chipmunk-like smile.

Our class was cancelled at the last minute so I wasn’t expecting a call from her she told me while we were waiting for the instructor to arrive that she has plans with his boyfriend Jimin. Only having calculus that day after an exchanged heated curses for our lazy professor for not e-mailing about the reschedule I happily took a sweet nap and made an easy breakfast I normally don’t have time to consume or even make in the morning I was able to get my relaxing time to start earlier so it meant more time for me since Yoongi supposedly took the afternoon shift.

This piece of information I remembered while chewing on my sandwich as I thanked the gods that I overheard his conversation about the shift change last night when I went to get my late-night snack but seeing the date expired on the comfort food I had to engage in a yoghurt instead.

”Y/N. Are you home?” She asked matching my good mood in the background I heard clinking noises of a pan she must be cooking. I insert my head through the large black t-shirt’s hole as I started to freeze standing here only in my undergarments the effect of the hot shower faded leaving me in the significantly colder bathroom.

”Of course. I started my pamper routine. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be hairless. If only my hair would grow this fast.” She chuckles hearing my banter the faint sounds of crepitation usually the hot oil makes overpowering her giggle for a few seconds. I remember the sandwich I ate this morning around ten-ish that did not prove to be enough. I get sidetracked with what should I make for lunch.

”Oh, so Yoongi is working?” Knowing about my only one rule regarding this d-day I like to call it is that no man should be around when I’m wearing this revealing clothing. He only saw me wearing jeans and yoga pants before these jelly-like legs cannot make a debut in front of eyes outside of mine.

”Yep.” I confirm. I take a look at the time I still have lots of time to relax before I should start that assignment I postponed.

I have everything planned out since Yoongi usually comes home from work in a grumpy state he likes to shower first and then he retreats into his room to do his assignments and sometimes he writes a song or the song even could be the assignment itself I honestly don’t know how’s everyday life as a music major. Yoongi is not exactly the talkative type.

My silent activity is helping his concentration and the best thing is that I have the apartment by myself to do what I please and leave the comfort of my room wearing what I please without worrying.

The best would be if I could rent out my own apartment but I know I wouldn’t be able to pay it by myself and the fact that Yoongi and I share the expenses of the bill makes things so much more easier.

”Why did you call though? I’m sure it’s not because you already miss me.” Tired of holding the phone up I place it back where it was before leaving the call on speakers so I can rub the cocoa scented lotion into the skin on my legs.

”Right. I almost forgot. Jin taught you that Mexican dish that I don’t know how to pronounce its name, right?” Her voice fades a little mid-sentence probably changed ears hearing the cooking noises seeping through the background she seemed very busy.

”What about it?” I question closing the lid of the lotion after I rub the remaining cream on my hand onto my neck so nothing goes to waste.

”I need the recipe.” She demands. I laugh how desperate she sounds through the phone. I make my way out of the bathroom I need my notebook since I didn’t memorise the dish I only made it once and as it was previously stated with the help of Jin.

”Hold on I don’t remember where I left the notes.” I arrive at the kitchen area placing the phone on the counter I begin rummaging through the drawers bending down to peek at the content of each. Spoons and forks. The second one where Yoongi placed the aprons and towels my notebook must be in the last one. ”So, what are the plans for today?” I ask while still searching for the black shiny cover of my notebook.

”Well, I wanted to cook something Italian since Jimin told me once he wanted to try it out but a crucial ingredient is missing so I thought about making that one you told me about a few weeks ago at Jin’s birthday party. After I’m finally done with this shit I’m going to sneak into his room to give him the blowjob of his life while he’s playing some shit games boys do and tell him lunch is ready.” The huge breath she took before starting the word vomiting makes me praise her lung capacity.

Finally. The book was under the aprons what a hassle. I straighten up turning the pages when I hear the front door opening and shut soon after. I turn to see the face of the intruder as I’m still standing in the middle of the kitchen with my hair evidently wet from the shower I took earlier only in my panties and a huge ass shirt to cover myself with.

Yoongi drops his coffee-stained shirt by the foot of the couch the angle is letting me see the living room area without a problem but he can’t clearly see the kitchen from there but my relief is not long-lasting as my friend decides to choose that moment to speak drawing Yoongi’s attention to where I’m standing.

”Y/N are you still there? Shit. I burnt my finger.” Grabbing the phone off the counter I switch off the speaker option and push the device against my ear.

”Yeah, um, I’ll send you the recipe via message. Good luck. Bye.” I aggressively push the red phone button at the bottom left side of the screen until the call ends. Hearing my voice Yoongi walks through the door separating the living room and the kitchen to halt his steps when he takes the image in.

It’s not one of those best times to ponder over how good looking he’s after finishing work and how he always smells like freshly brewed coffee which is not a surprise knowing the fact that he works at a coffee shop near our rented place.

He doesn’t wear the shirt uniform it must be the one he got rid of because of the stains today he wears a simple white t-shirt with washed-out blue jeans. Focusing on his face again I see that his eyes no longer studying my face instead his gaze dipped lower and I swear he's not so subtle about ogling at my exposed legs. My legs!

”You’re … early.” I talk first considering my options. A, I can still make a run for it but the damage is already done. He saw me. Or B, I can try to make small talk pretending that nothing is embarrassing at all just to later enter my room and dig a hole with all of my self-pity and scream into my pillow.

”Um, there was a shift change but I finished 2 hours early in return.” He explains this time his gaze was on my face the entire time no more strayed glimpses. Fuck. I should have paid attention to the whole conversation. ”Don’t you .. have class normally this time around?” He trails off a faint trace of blush appears on his porcelain skin. I use the notebook to hide my panty line that peeks out of the shirt.

”Class cancelled.” I’m horrified how my voice sounds so high pitched the embarrassment paints my cheeks bright red. ”Um, I have something to do in my room so I’ll be there.” I use the lame excuse to escape from Yoongi when I close the door behind me I close my eyes as well because of the extreme humiliation I had to go through.

My phone buzzes in hand I suddenly remember the recipe I promised. I write a quick message to her attaching the picture of the ingredients and notes to help her with the preparations. Now since I’m done with the responsibilities I can swim in my tears for the time being.

I can’t believe after months of caution fate decided to take away from me the deserved me time days. Yoongi is probably weirded out by me too I don’t know how to look him in the eye from now on and it’s a serious problem. For lords heaven, we live together! There’s no way I can avoid him without being obvious about it.

I mean maybe I’m just overreacting. It’s Yoongi we are talking about. He most of the time doesn’t give a flying fuck about anything he certainly won’t mention it and for obvious reasons I won’t either so I can just leave things like that. Just acting as usual like he didn’t saw my legs and my black underwear not to mention he is the very first one to see it I mean outside of my family of course. He’s a boy. No. A man. And he saw me underdressed like that.

It’s okay Y/N, let’s see the bright side at least he saw me when I was shaved. Well, that doesn’t help. Not at all.

”Shit. I’m hungry.”

I waited an hour and forty minutes to be exact despite the rumble of my stomach I sat down to start the book one of my friends lent me to read and I’m over a quarter of the pages when I decided enough is enough.

I waited long enough so he must be cooped up in his room slash studio for the rest of the day. But to be extra cautious I peeked out before fully leaving the safety of my room. I stop once I step into the corridor listening for any noises that might indicate Yoongi has indeed occupied his nest the soft sounds of the synthesizer helps me to relax I leisurely make my way then in the direction of the kitchen.

As I flip the switch the room is enveloped in light. My favourite mug is sitting on top of the counter even though I don’t remember leaving it there. I walk to take a closer look the mug is filled with coffee it’s in a light brown colour so it must a latte. It smells like latte indeed.

My favourite drink. There’s a note glued to the bottom of the mug it’s a messy handwriting and I don’t have to guess to know to whom this belongs to. How did he know my favourite coffee order?

”Sorry for startling you earlier. - myg”

The simple worded note even had his initials at the end. Realising that I never tried out his coffee made me curious about the taste. He works as a barista so It cannot be bad. I’m always late for class so I never had the chance before going into the shop when he’s on duty and order a drink from him.

Most of the time I’m saving on it and just use the shared coffee machine. Don’t blame me I’m just a broke university student.

But if I drink this I won’t be able to sleep it’s pretty late. Fuck it. I’m going to drink it. Not that the unholy time for coffee consumption deterred me before and picked up on some of Yoongi’s personal characteristics I think I can confidently say he doesn’t care either.

I bite into my lip while carefully straightening the lines out on the sticky note. After I was convinced the note won’t come off of his door I leave to go to bed.

”Thanks for the coffee. I liked it. – Y/N.”

***

”Can you guys stop shovelling food into your mouths for a millisecond. I’m serious!” Hitting the table for further emphasis.

Rori and F/N digging through a pile of food before our morning class is something I got used to first as I befriended them and it doesn’t bother me any other time but I wanted some serious advice for once and they don’t even stop digging to say well that’s was awkward. Or shit that sucks.

Not that I don’t know that without them telling me. I appreciated the note and the subtle apology he didn’t phrase it like hey dummy I’m sorry for seeing your sausage legs my bad. Also, it would be unlikely, too wordy for him he’s tight-lipped even in messages. I don’t remember he ever told me like a two full sentence in one go.

”Serious for what Y/N? He saw your underwear and legs. Tell us if you display your boobs or something. Now, I would be interested.” Rolling my eyes at the sarcastic remark I steal one of her favourite apple pie sticks for good measures.

”Hey! I was going to eat that.” She pouts but I take another big bite out of it. It’s too sweet for my liking but everything for the even sweeter revenge. If there’s one thing I learned about these two throughout the years of knowing them is that they take their food very seriously. ”Look. We love you, that’s why I’m going to tell you this. It’s not a big deal.” She pats my cheek before picking up her fork again.

”So what happened F/N. Did you gave Jimin the blowjob of his life?” I used a quote mark at the end of the sentence just how she phrased it yesterday. Rori is more interested in that, of course, there’s nothing more important than sex.

”Let me say the food was cold once we were finished.” She chuckled bashfully. Do I have the right set of friends? Maybe I should be pickier about who I call as a friend.

”So he’s big?” Rori asked with a smirk and I almost spitted out the diet coke onto the dining table. We are in a fucking coffee shop for god damn good. Thankfully not the one Yoongi works for but I think he has morning class so he won’t be working either way.

”Please don’t go into details.” I plea and Rori presents me with a devilish grin while picking the chicken breasts out of my salad.

”It’s fine Y/N. I was a virgin too before Jimin. Your time will come, not that it’s a choice.” F/N tries to console me.

”It’s a choice just not mine.” I murmur it under my nose stabbing my salad with the fork before chewing on it without the meat it’s quite sour.

”Yeah. It’s because you and F/N are both have big sticks up your asses.” Used to her blunt remarks I’m not even hurt or surprised for that matter. The busy cafe drowns out the voices of their inappropriate talk at least.

”It’s not our fault that you fuck every man with a pulse.” F/N retorts back with a giggle satisfied with the remark we exchange high fives.

”How do you know it’s a requirement?” Rori lifts one of her brows making us do gagging motions.

”Ugh, That’s disgusting.” I abandon the food on my plate that was a bit too much and we are in the middle of breakfast.

”A person cannot even joke here? I wasn’t serious. Duh.” I should really search for those new friends.

”That’s something I can believe.” The insult wasn’t even spoken out too loud but she heard me all the same and it earned a kick under the table from Rori with his high heels, I returned the glare she sent my way.

***

”Oh, hi.” I step aside to let Yoongi enter, he furrows his brows in concentration if I wasn’t running late I would ponder over the fact how he measures my body by centimetres. I fidget with my earrings but without a mirror, it’s a difficult task to carry out.

”I thought we’re going to meet with the guys at 8.” Realising the motive behind his stare I nod furiously.

”Yeah. But Rori accepted that guy’s offer to taste wines and she’s afraid she’s going to be abducted so me and F/N will accompany her.” I tell him and he doesn’t seem pleased I wasn’t either at first but I hope he won’t do anything with three girls there.

”Be careful. Anyone else knows about this?” He asks with evident worry lacing his voice he steps closer helping to finally get that chape snap into place.

”Jimin knows and I think Jungkook knows too.” Once he’s done he restores the distance between the two of us. ”Also you know F/N she’s apt to be violent.” Yoongi nods.

”Fuck. I’m late.” I swear as I look at the time. With hurried steps, I pick up my boots and size up my keys ready to leave.

”See you later.” Hearing his voice calling out to me I look back smiling a little managing to whisper back a ’see you later’ of my own. I think this was the longest conversation I held with him so far, what a shame I couldn’t stay to talk more.

The wine tasting went better than I expected. That guy is filthy rich he gave us a little tour around the house before letting us each pick out 5 wines of our liking. We learned that he’s a sports major he’s a swimmer and he told us stories about his practises with the swimming team and talked awfully long about his wins and trophies. To be honest he seemed like a bit eccentric and pompous for me but Rori liked him.

We were late because our taxi on its way to the bar got into a little traffic jam. I got a text from Yoongi at the same time F/N got one from Jimin they were curious about where we are and how we are. We wrote back a short text that we’re almost there.

”So? Whose’s the guy?” Jin asked once we are seated down. F/N took her place next to Jimin and Rori beside her leaving me with the only option of sitting down next to Yoongi at the other side of the table.

Once I’m comfortably seated I look around the table I catch in the corner of my eye Namjoon and Jungkook taking shots. Yoongi grabs his alcoholic beverage before him from the table our shoulders brush against each other due to the motion. I bite the inside of my cheeks don’t want to fidget in place.  

”He’s a sports major.” Rori told Jin she told him about our little tour but she conveniently left out the offer about a threesome that I politely declined.

”Oh Y/N you remember that guy who wanted to get your phone number?” Scrunching my nose as the scene flashed before my eyes, of course, I remember. That was one of my most awkward moments and believe me when I say there’s a lot of option to choose from on my list and it’s still the worst. As far as I know, that guy was a sports major too and he was very persistent.

”Yes, what about him?” I nod. I try to shoo the pictures out of head but a forming blush creeping up my neck quicker than I realise.

”Well he’s here. And he’s coming this way.” F/N tells without looking my way her eyes trained behind my form probably to report back his every move. I physically have to hold myself back from whimpering and its not the good kind.

”Shit.” I bite my lower lip don’t want to make things more obvious I don’t turn around to confirm it.

”Oh. I remember. You gave him Rori’s number, don’t you?” Jungkook, you traitor. He was with me when it happened I was flustered enough that he asked Jungkook is my boyfriend or not that I didn’t want to expand my suffering so I gave him my friend's number. She told me if someone I don’t want tries to get into my pants and bothers me I can use her number as a bait knowing her even though my pants were not on the line I still did that. Well, she did more than that after.

”Then what’s the problem?” Jin asks so invested in our conversation that I want to smack him on the neck.

”I was sexting with him and we fucked.” She shrugs. That was what I tried to say. I really don’t want to face that guy.

I stand up with so much vehemency that I almost knock down a glass from the table it’s Yoongi’s empty glass at the bottom of it there’s a thin line of whiskey left. Yoongi grabs my thighs to stabilise me. Looking over his shoulder I saw that said guy indeed walking into this direction.

”Uh, please dance with me?” I grab Yoongi’s hand surprising him for a moment or two but lets me pull him up.

”You have a habit of running away, huh?” I look back to get a grip at the situation. I led Yoongi into the dance floor even though I don’t even know how to dance. He sees the panic settling in my face so he starts guiding me with his hand flat against my lower back. There’s a lot of bodies to avoid so Yoongi is extremely close.

”I don’t like confrontation.” I subtly hide behind his broad shoulders I can see it on him how he tries to stop himself from laughing. I like the sound of his laugh.

”I’m aware.” He purrs into my ear pulling me closer by a hand wrapped around my waist the sweet scent of his cologne hits me like a tone of bricks. I’m painfully aware how his body touches mine my breast pushed against his flat ribcage I can feel him inhaling and exhaling the used oxygen.

”Y-your hand Yoongi.” His hand is dangerously low on my back I’m sure he feels the curve of my ass under his fingers. The bar is dimly lit so my blush remains subtle in a certain extent seeing me blush so many times I wouldn’t be surprised if he would recognise it before it fully blooms on my face.

”What about it?” He clearly wants me to say it but there’s no way I’m going to bluntly say that his hand touches my ass. Rather die.

”What are you doing? Are you drunk?” I defensively ask answering the question with my own questions. He openly finds my antics amusing because this time he laughs. That gummy smile makes my knees weak for him he strengthens his hold on my waist like he knows it.

”My car is here. I’m as sober as I can be.” The hand I placed on his chest when he suddenly pulled me closer itched. He’s touching me and he’s sober. Heaving a sigh he replaces them around his neck I can’t relish in the feeling as his hand on my ass beyond doubt gone since he places it back soon after even lower. The grin he shows me makes me want to give him my fist instead of my virginity.

”Then why are you touching me?” My confidence wavered significantly as he lowered his head his lips closer than ever but instead of kissing me, he blows air into my ear riling me up with the gesture.

”This makes you uncomfortable?” I wanted to say yes, but the full truth would be it’s undeniably uncomfortable and exciting it makes my blood boil under my skin and it scares me how much I want him to touch me tossing aside my insecurities just to feel him like this. At least he knows his boundaries. I don’t know what would I do if his hand suddenly moved.

”No. I’m just embarrassed.” I nervously twist a hair at the nape of his neck didn’t realise the act just when I did it.

”You ran away because you were embarrassed yesterday too?” I stop toying with his hair once the words register in my head. Is he talking about the kitchen incident? And here I thought that there’s nothing more that could make the situation more awkward.

”Y-yes.” The confidence I felt before left me I shy away from his eyes the way he sized me up that day still vivid in my head.

”Why?” A perfect arch of his eyebrows indicating that he wants his answer this time and I am about to give him.

”Because you were staring at me.” I tell him oh so matter of factly. He practically beams at the offered answer the glint in his eyes telling me that’s the answer he seeks in the first place and he has his own set of words in return.

”Wanna know what I thought about while staring at you?” His eyes pinning me to my spot I wouldn’t dare to move away even if I wanted to he seemed determined to get under my skin and maybe under my clothes too.

”No.” I challenge drunk by the boldness maybe the gin tonic I consumed earlier and the wines finally appearing be to be the liquid courage I needed. Reading between the lines Yoongi tells me despite the answer.

”I imagined how you would look like wearing my shirt. It would cover you below your knees since you are tiny. Tell me you’re wearing one of those black panties I saw before?” I don’t answer but I let him pat my knee I can feel his warm palm under the fabric of my jeans he continues with more words even bolder than the first.

”I imagined how you would look like under me on my bed wrapping those long legs around my waist.” Affected by his words I mirror his hungry expression. He’s normally not a man of so many words and hearing him talk this much makes me feel special that he’s talking to me because he feels the need to let me know what’s plaguing his mind. I entertain the idea that maybe he wasn’t sure how to convey the message since I’m so shy he didn’t have a lot of opportunity cornering me before the kitchen incident. Perhaps it was the undo he needed.

”Tell me Y/N. Do you find me attractive?” His fingers stroke the flesh of my jaw he’s getting confident as I don’t push him away.

”You are attractive.” I tell him honestly and he grins but not in a malice kind of way his grin more like a boyish grin that boys wear after hearing that their high school crush likes them back. The happy kind of grin.

”Have you thought about me too? Like I did.” The next question hits differently it’s not so innocent and I wasn’t in the illusion he is.

”Yes.” Holding onto the boldness I agree.

”Tell me.” He urges. He’s sober I remember. Avoiding his stare I let my shyness getting to the best of me he brushes a strand of hair behind my ears coaxing out the reply. It feels nice to be touched by him.

”It’s embarrassing.”

”I told you mine. You have to tell me your fantasies so I can make them come true.” He trails a finger following the line of my collarbone my outfit leaves literally everything to the imagination the only skin he can feel is on my arms.

”You’re unfair.” I whine the words out Yoongi stops his movements to see the emotions behind my eyes. He seems confused by my conflicted expression. His eyes were always expressive and I loved staring at them. Those rare moments shared, eating together at the weekends letting me hear one of his song he proudly introduces.

”How so?”

I take a deep breath cupping his cheeks. ”You look good with dyed hair but I prefer it black. You look the best when you come home from work all sweaty because the air conditioner still not gotten repaired in your workplace so you always take a shower before doing anything else.” There’s glint catching the light in his orbs watching me closely while I tell him the things I locked away in my memories. He caresses my wrist with a raised hand the other directly resting upon mine as it's his face still trapped between the heels of my palms.

”I like your voice.” I let the words flow out like a river caught up in a thunderstorm. ”I always wanted to know how it would sound like moaning my name. I like your hands too.”

”What about them?” A big smile stretches his face knowing too well he won. I don’t feel the frustration of losing I’d gladly accept this fate again and again if it will give me the same results at the end of this.

”Yoongi.” I whine.

”Did you imagined this? Or this?” His hands leaving their position fondling the flesh on my hip hiding me behind his body he walks a hand up my decolletage.

”Stop, we are in public.” I hiss.

”No one pays attention Y/N. But I’ll gladly take this to the bedroom.” The offer temps me but I remember the boys.

”We can’t. You are the only sober one and the guys need their ride home.” I reason and Yoongi groans in frustration. He forgot about them already. He looks at the booth the others are drinking and laughing.

”If I tell Namjoon to stop drinking he would be sober enough to drive them back.”

I shake my head it would be too dangerous and considering he competed with Jungkook about who can take more shots I bet he’s drunk like a donkey alongside with the younger boy. ”I’m drunk too.” I tell him when he tries to come up with more solution.

”Fine.” Yoongi hugs me close probably to hide his displeased face doesn’t want to sound so desperate maybe he’s embarrassed.

”Don’t be like that. I promise if in the morning when I sobered up you still want to do it I’ll let you.”

He perks up gently pushing me away to look into my eyes. ”Let me do what?”

”Let you take me.”

 ***

I feel something warm tickling my sides a sudden wave of cold air hits my stomach but the cold soon replaced with a warm and wet feel against my skin. My eyes narrowly open I try to fidget away wrapping my fingers around the comforter when I feel that wet and warm feeling on my thighs.

Hands and tongue. The fog in front of my eyes clears I don’t remember when did I fell asleep or how did I end up here. Where am I? I spot the synthesizer in the corner Yoongi’s synthesizer. Yoongi’s room.

”Yoongi, what .. ah” My voice raspy from sleep the way he rubbed his nose into my neck just to deliver a long kiss to it after halted my question before I was able to voice it out.

”Did I wake you up. My bad.” He smiled into my skin loving the way my heart beats erratically with his every touch, his hand above my breast feeling the movements of it.

”You don’t sound so sorry about it.”

”Do you have a headache?” He caresses the side of my face helping to curl the locks behind my ear that interfered with my vision. The thoughtful gesture made me smile up at his face mirroring his expression of tenderness.

”No I’m good. I didn’t drink that much.” My fingers itch to touch his face maybe it’s because of the dreamy state I’m currently in that I have the confidence in doing so. I brush my hands through his bangs his eyes closing the caress urges a smile he grabs my hands once I’m about to pull away to move it against his mouth giving a small kiss onto my palm before intertwining them with his much larger ones.

I could get used to this. The image of him looking so raw and so vulnerable his eyes puffy with sleep lazy motions of his fingertip exploring my body under the duvet. My shirt is rolled up just below my breasts the shirt’s neck hangs around my shoulder in a loose coverage it smells like Yoongi just like the covers. Looking down I realise it’s not my shirt. It’s his.

”Glad to hear that. I want you to repeat your promise to me.” Yoongi burrows his face into my neck again his hair brushing against my bare skin the hand that’s not holding mine drops under the covers finding my hip guiding me to drape my right leg over his waist facing each other sideways.

”Promise? Can you be more specific?” I boldly move my hand caressing with feather-light touches his side I can feel his bare torso and hips under my fingers he shivers and not because of the cold. He’s shivering because I touched him and he’s not wearing a shirt. The thought crosses my mind that the shirt I’m wearing is the one he did wear the whole day but not now. Every other day I would be embarrassed but I quite liked the idea of wearing his clothes in his bed.

”A tease I see.” He recovered quicker than I would like he gave a quick peck onto my shoulder where his shirt didn’t cover that much skin. He cupped my breast above the fabric of my bra the sudden feel of him squeezing me there I whined a little bit too loudly. I pulled my hand away shielding my face due to embarrassment.

”Yoongi.” I shyly call his name. He let his hand stay there but he remained motionless giving my hands each a kiss just where my eyes would be if I didn’t hide behind my limbs. His hand felt warm against me where my bra wasn’t covering his two fingers rested directly on the skin of my breast.

”Do I have your consent baby?” I gulp my shy personality says no but my body says yes for me.

”You can have anything.” I place my palm against his that lays on my body my eyes still closed but I don’t shield my face anymore. The words came out as whispers even though I wanted him to hear me say it. I wanted him to go on.

”Love. Answer me.” I open my eyes again when I feel his hand leave my boobs to cup my face with it instead.

”You can have me. You can fuck me. Did it answer your question or should I be more specific?” I wet my lips poking my tongue against the inside of my cheeks trying to calm down the rapid movement of my heart my hands shook as I grip his hair moving my mouth against his to not just say but show my consent. I want this. I want him.

”No. I think it was explicit enough, I like seeing you blush.” Hearing him say that makes me blush harder and he gifts me with a gummy smile basking in the responsive reactions. I would be more embarrassed if I wouldn’t feel the sticky substance dampening my underwear.

”Do you have something in mind? A preference? Or can I surprise you.” The way he explicitly asks about my sexual preferences makes him appear hotter a new wave of arousal hits me making me grind my thighs together forgetting that Yoongi’s leg is between them. I know he felt the wetness but doesn’t comment on it he instead pushes his knees further up parting my legs.

”You d-decide.” I moan when his knee brushes against my crotch. He hummed delighted by my answer. Placing back his hand once more squeezing my breasts before undoing the clasps behind my back. He slowly lets the material fall he strictly looks into my eyes not wandering downwards seeking out my every reaction. I gave him a little nod he takes it as the permission he needed he moves the cover so he can take a look.

”So pretty.” He sighs into my skin he turns my body to be flat against the bed the cold sheets meeting with my back goosebumps travelling up my spine. ”So soft.” He mumbles the endless of praises dragging his fingers over a nipple before licking it with his tongue a choked moan leaves my parted lips his hair gently caressing the skin. He circles the nipple with his poked out tongue kneading the other neglected one with his free hand. Mewls and sighs, in turn, filling the room trying to keep my voice quiet but it’s hard since the only thing I can concentrate on is his mouth on me and his hands those long fingers as he drags them down on my body a finger slides under the waistband of my panty he stretches the material out before letting it snap back into place. The uncomfortable feeling of it sticking to my folds gets frustrating by every passing minute.

”You smell good.” His raspy voice helps me return from my sudden astonishment I scrape his scalp with my long nails as I weave my fingers through his hair he lets out a low growl my skin covering up the noise the vibration he sends up my body by it makes me tighten my legs around his waist my underwear covered cunt pressed against his firm chest forces a not so silent whine out.

”It’s m-my lotion.” I reply absentmindedly. He hums into my collarbone not sure my answer registered truly in his brain I feel him taking a big inhale before pulling away he pushes himself up with the help of his hands planted beside my head looking with heavily lidded eyes taking in my hazed eyes and swollen lips before connecting our mouths. I almost forgot how good of a kisser Yoongi is.  

The light touch against my inner thigh makes my hip jolt up in surprise Yoongi’s eager mouth swallows all the sounds and whimpers. ”Relax.” He purrs aiming for my hips soothing circles into my skin. I take a few deep breaths Yoongi waits patiently for me to calm down a little the way his eyes sizing me up like I’m some kind of goddess eases some of my nerves. Once he’s positive I’m not going to run away he lets his palm touch me the barrier that’s my underwear stays in place as he drags his fingers directly onto my heat. I feel it throb under his ministrations having confidence after a few moans I let out he gets bolder using more pressure to dip between my folds the underwear’s silky touch lets him move smoothly. ”Can I feel it? I want to make sure you’re wet enough before I do anything else.” Nodding even before the question was fully out I anticipate a laugh or something to tease me about my eagerness. I don’t think I wanted someone this bad before to touch me. But he doesn’t laugh he seems as eager as I feel. He slides a finger under the damp material but he retreats too soon. ”Please, can I take it off?” To persuade me further if his plea wasn’t enough he rubs his fingers where my clit is over my panty. The plea was enough but I’m not complaining. I manage to signal him with a breathy yes. Don’t have to tell him twice he slides the ruined material down my legs his big warm hands gripping my inner thighs preventing my legs from closing before he can take a look.

”Look at that. So pink and swollen for me.” Previously he was careful with every move waiting for approval before doing anything bold but like he’s lost all the continence in him Yoongi drags two fingers up my folds coating his fingers with my arousal letting just the tip of his fingers penetrating just to pull back. I let out the loudest moan blushing as I realise just how loud I sounded but Yoongi doesn’t seem to mind, not at all. He wanted to coax more of those sounds as he bent down parting the lips with his tongue letting out his own moans while tasting me and if it’s even possible at this point I feel more turned on than ever.

”Warm too. Sorry, my love, my hands are a little cold but I hope you don’t mind.” He finally slips a finger in my eyes slightly open he watches me with a grin loving the way I squirm wanting it chuckles deep and I don’t mind at all. The stretch his one digit means feels familiar reminding me when I was chasing relief on my own but his fingers are so so much better longer and thicker. I can’t wait to feel the second one.

”I want to make you cum on my tongue.” Delivering a kittenish lick sucking on my clit for the demonstration before he goes on. ”Just to bring you another orgasm with my fingers.” Yoongi curls the one finger in me rubbing it into my throbbing walls ”Lastly let you cum around my cock.” He throws his head back moaning sinfully just thinking he’s about to make everything he said come true. ”You deserve at least three orgasms but I shouldn’t be greedy your virgin cunt can’t handle three.” He eases another finger in this time the stretch is a bit more uncomfortable.

”Let’s start with two.” He says settled with the idea he places a wet kiss onto my hip before finding my abused clit again sucking and rolling it around his tongue my walls contacts around his two digits I feel the sticky substance coating my inner thighs and dripping onto the sheets the mess, the way Yoongi’s hair tickle my thighs, the way he moves his fingers inside me, the pleasure gets overwhelming something starts to build up promising a relief I never had the chance of feeling before.

”Yoongi fuck, Yoongi” His name spills from my mouth and it seems to encourage him to be faster.

”It’s fine.” He tells before sucking harshly on my clit. ”Cum for me.” The proud grin he forms still buried between my legs and the vibration of his hum makes my legs shake I let my head fall back into the pillows closing my eyes until I see literal stars.

He stops lapping my juices once I’m finished the proud smile still plastered on his face licking his lips capturing the remaining of my pleasure. He looks so hot. I never knew I’m capable of coming this hard.

”Good?” Placing a kiss onto my nose he caresses my arms I didn’t realise I was grabbing onto the sheets this tight I let Yoongi place my hands onto his shoulder blades he moves to get between my legs once more.

Instead of answering, I can’t help but impatiently point out. ”You’re still wearing clothes.” I grab his hips pulling on his sweatpants playfully.

”Wanna take it off?” He asks smirking. I roll my eyes at his cockiness not that he’s all talk when it comes to his skills but he has more ego than he can manage and I’m not going to increase it for him.

”So what? Don’t tell me you are not eager even more than me to bury your dick into my virgin pussy.” His eyes grow bigger for a split second before it regains its original state, so he can be startled too. I’m surprised by my boldness, but god, it’s worth it seeing him so fucked up by those words.

”You’re playing a dangerous game Y/N. I need my self-control right now.” Something shifted in his eyes he looks like he’s about to devour me. Yoongi shifts onto his knees to get rid of the final barriers between us. I close my eyes my shyness returns too soon but Yoongi doesn’t mind it I open my eyes again as he positions myself above me placing a firm kiss onto my lips he senses I’m anxious.

”Do you trust me?” Seeing the open vulnerability in his shiny orbs, not entirely clouded by lust makes my head swim with a lot of suppressed emotion. I feel the urge to smile lifting my head from the pillows beneath me I give him a peck.

”Of course I am.” I kinda like you. I bite into my lips before the next sentence could slip through we’ll talk about this another time. Right, the only thing I want to focus on is Yoongi. Only Yoongi. His tip brushes against my stomach, shit, I haven’t seen how big he is. His lip pressed to mine swallows the tiny moan leaving my lips as he pushes the first inch inside parting my walls in a painful stretch. Fuck. He’s big.

”Tight.” Yoongi moans, more in pleasure than I am currently in but it’s ok. He made me cum I want to see him cum too. ”Relax for me angel I won’t hurt you I promise.” Relishing in the way he caresses my side I try to relax my body he pushes another inch in slowly his tip must be fully buried by now.

”That’s right. You’re doing so well.” He praises his eyebrows knit together in concentration he’s holding himself back because of me. Touched by the gesture I move my hip to meet his advances he slips in deeper than he intended his groan significantly louder by the sudden pleasure.

”Does it hurt?” He pulls himself together to keep the eye contact he caresses the skin under my eye I nod before answering.

”A little.”

”Let’s try a few more thrusts if it still hurts after that I’ll stop and eat you out again. Shit. Maybe I should have made you cum again for the extra lubrication.” Yoongi regretfully gazes at my face.

”It’s fine. Just go slow.” I say the burning is bearable I’m getting used to the feeling slowly but not sure if I can cum again.

”My baby is so tight.” I’m definitely a sucker for those pet names. It helps me focus on his words instead of his slow thrusts. ”I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel. Feeling you wrapped around me a dream come true.” I experimentally squeeze around him and he lets out a loud moan his head nestled into my neck groaning and moaning between filthy words his pace got quicker but I don’t stop him even though it’s not feeling as good as him eating me out. I want to please him though and by the sounds, he seems very pleased.

”Are you alright?” He stops after hearing a louder whiny moan on my part but I don’t let him I circle my hips in place dragging out moans from him but he forces himself to reset his previous slower pace. I’m not having any of it. I want him to cum and want it soon.

”Yoongi” I whine out his name an idea foggily forming at the back of my head. ”Yoongi, I wanna ride you.”

”Are y-you sure?” He stills inside of me waiting for the confirmation and I nod inviting him into a kiss that turns slopy by time. I feel his hands grabbing at my waist to change position this way he sinks in deeper.

Holy shit it feels so much better.

”Fuck. Do you like this?” He grips my hips dragging his cock touching every sensitive part in me as my walls swallow his shaft he pulls me up just to let me sink down with a needy moan I’m starting to feel the appeal.

”Yes. I-ah-think.” I can almost picture the way my eyes roll back behind my skull right now. What was I saying? ”Go faster.” I choke out and Yoongi with a following set of groans obligates I’m too far gone to pay attention to how Yoongi watches with hungry eyes that I ruin the bedsheets.

”I like that you are so messy.” He places a stray hair behind my ears our chests pressed together so he can thrust up faster and harder. Yoongi holds me in place taking control the way his eyes shuts involuntarily and his member twitching inside of me signals that he’s close.

He’s breathtakingly beautiful as he reaches his high he’s so lost in the pleasure my walls provide so tight around him that he doesn’t have the mind to kiss me back so I just press them together for a minute longer. My legs ache because of the exercise but I let him use me to ride out his high the pretty sounds and satisfied look he gives me once seated firmly inside me with our mixed cum spilling out he looks down where our body connects rubbing the skin of my hip lovingly while watching me ruin his sheets. He likes that I’m messy.

”I hope you like me back because I don’t think I could fuck anyone else from now on.” I end up in a pit of laughter leaning my head on his shoulder he feels my body shake with the motion Yoongi whines in overstimulation when I accidentally squeeze his spent member. I peck the skin where my head previously rested before searching for Yoongi’s eyes.

”I do like you back.” I admit it shyly even though there’s nothing to be shy about his dick is still inside for fuck’s sake.

”Glad to hear that.” His grin returns faster than the speed of light. ”I thought I fucked your brains out when you suddenly started laughing. I was concerned for a minute.” I try to hit his shoulder but he’s faster grabbing my hand by the wrist and gives the flesh an attentive kiss the gesture is sweet and melts my heart.

”How are you feeling?” It’s cute how he seeks my reassurance. He lets me move away careful when pulling out so I can finally take the previous position lying down.

”Hm, sore but good. I just need .. some time. I don’t think I can stand up just yet.” I offer my honest reply burying my nose into the duvet that got tossed aside. He leaves the room making me confused but once he’s back with a towel in hand I pierce two and two together. It’s his towel. The thought is enough to make me blush furiously.

”Spread your legs for me.” I take the request as an order shyly spreading my legs so he can clean me up. ”There. All cleaned up.” The bed squeaks under the weight of his one knee pushing me further into the sheets. Yoongi bows down to kiss me his tongue teases my lips as we kiss asking for permission that I eagerly permit.

[spencers-renaissance]

Rain is a Chance to be Touched Ch.15

if we cannot find the light, we will always make our own

Chapter Fourteen

This is the fifteenth chapter in my ongoing hotchreid fic! Please click here for the fic summary, full tags, trigger warnings, more information etc.

Last Chapter: Derek & Emily called Spencer for a consult, and with him off his antidepressants, things very quickly fell apart.

In This Chapter: Hotch & Penelope pick up the pieces.

tw: depression-related exhaustion, disordered thinking, reference to last chapter's breakdown, discussion of medication

Word Count: 4K

RCT Masterlist // Main Masterlist // Read on AO3

(Quick Note: A couple of chapters ago I referred to Spencer's psychiatrist by she/her pronouns, but I forgot that I assigned that character he/him pronouns wayyy back, so I've decided to go with that one. I just wanted to address that in case anyone else caught it like I did! I apologise for the mistake & any confusion it might have caused.)

AARON

"Find my hand in the darkness and if we cannot find the light, we will always make our own." — Tyler Knott Gregson

Aaron doesn’t fall asleep until well into the small hours of the morning, finally lulled into a cold dreamless sleep once he’s cried himself out. He keeps as quiet as he can, but he knows he won’t wake Spencer up anyway: he’s completely exhausted, and he’s out cold. It’s a small consolation, but he tries to take a small bit of comfort in knowing that his boyfriend is at least getting the rest he needs.

He wakes up only a couple of hours after he falls asleep, and despite feeling completely exhausted, he sets about the things he needs to do. The first thing he does is call Strauss to request a family day — thankfully, the bureau’s been a lot more understanding of his situation since Haley died — before texting Derek and telling him that he needs to take charge of the team if they get sent on a case. Then he calls Jess and asks if she can collect Jack from his sleepover at lunchtime and have him until the evening.

With the technicalities sorted out, he makes a phone call to Spencer's psychiatrist. At this point, if he has to drag him kicking and screaming, if Spencer never talks to him again, if it calls an irreparable rift in their relationship, it won’t get in the way of him getting Spencer the help he needs. After an emergency appointment for 11am is booked, he collapses onto the sofa and calls Penelope.

“Hotch? It’s not even 7am, is everything alright?”

Just hearing her voice, hearing someone ask if he’s okay, is enough to push him over the edge. “No,” he admits into the phone, not even trying to disguise the emotion in his voice.

“I’m on my way,” she says immediately, and he can hear a flurry of activity start up on the other end of the line. “What’s happened, Hotch?”

He breathes out shakily, running a hand down his face. The early morning sun, the bustling city below him, the bright apartment all seems so contrary to the current situation. “Spencer hit a breaking point last night,” he says shakily, unsure exactly how to word it. “Derek and Emily called him to consult on a case, and they were as brisk and focused as we all are when we’re working, but he’s out of practice; he’s not used to that way of doing things anymore. It triggered him and sent him into what I’m gonna guess was a panic attack? But honestly, Penelope… it looked like a breakdown.”

“Oh God,” she says quietly, and the sound of her exiting her apartment reassures Aaron a little.

“I had no idea how to handle it,” he says, dissolving into tears. “He locked himself in the bathroom and was literally tearing his hair out… there were clumps of hair all over the floor. He was screaming at me to leave, telling me he wasn’t good enough that he forgot his place? I had no idea what he was saying—”

Penelope interrupts him. “Oh no.”

“What?”

“Well, when I first found out about his depression, Spencer told me something about how he didn’t feel like he was good for anything except his brain and IQ, you know? He said that he wasn’t cut out for friendships or relationships and I’m pretty sure he called that his ‘place’. It’s stuck with me because of just how awful it sounded.”

“Fuck,” Aaron mutters, sniffing as a fresh wave of tears come to his eyes. “So Emily and Derek consulting him for their case triggered those thoughts again.”

“Sounds like it,” she agrees. “They’re gonna feel so guilty.”

Aaron knows she’s in a tricky situation: her girlfriend and close friend sending her best friend into a near-breakdown, and for a brief minute he feels guilty for roping her in before reminding himself that she wouldn’t be anywhere else if Spencer needed her.

“Yeah, I don’t even know what I’m gonna do about that,” he sighs. “I thought about not telling them, because Spencer doesn’t need everyone knowing about every step of his recovery; it’s personal, right? But more secrets between everyone… I don’t know, it doesn’t feel like a good idea. Especially not for something this serious.”

“We’ll figure it out together,” Penelope promises. “Look, I’m in my car now. I’ll be there in 10, okay?”

He sighs in relief. “Thanks, Penelope.”

They hang up and he drops his phone next to him before staring up at the ceiling for a minute, rubbing his temples. Forcing himself off the sofa, he considers putting the coffee machine on but he doesn’t want the sound of the bean grinder to wake Spencer up, so he settles for a cup of instant coffee instead, putting a slice of bread in the toaster as well.

By the time he’s finished his second slice, Penelope’s letting herself in.

“He’s still asleep?”

He nods, watching as she dumps her handbag on the armchair and walks further into the apartment. It’s always strange seeing her without her usual colourful outfits and makeup on, and although he’s gotten used to it in the past year as they’ve rallied around Spencer, sometimes it still reminds him of seeing her in her casual clothes for the first time when she got shot a couple of years ago.

“I’m just gonna grab some breakfast and a tea,” she says quietly, helping herself to everything in the kitchen as she always does. “You go and sit down, I’ll be over in a minute and we can discuss a game plan.”

He obeys, closing his eyes against the headache coming on, but it’s only a couple of minutes before Penelope’s sitting in the armchair opposite the sofa with a cup of chamomile tea and a slice of marmalade toast.

“Right, the first thing we need to tackle is convincing him to get back on his meds,” Penelope says seriously, keeping her voice low to avoid waking Spencer up.

He nods. “I know. I’ve made an emergency appointment with his psychiatrist for 11am, it’s just a case of a) getting him there and b) making him listen to him.”

“The problem is that he sees going back on medication as admitting defeat or failing at recovery. We need to have a really honest, frank conversation with him about it, but I just don’t know how we’re gonna get him to believe us.”

“Maybe we should use our own experiences? He doesn’t think any less of me or think I’m weak when I take pain medication when my injuries flare up. He wouldn’t think any less of you for accepting pain meds throughout your recovery after you were shot. He doesn’t think less of his mother because she relies on psychiatric medication.”

Penelope nods. “He has a twisted perception of himself. One rule for himself, another for everyone else.”

Something about her words makes Aaron feel suddenly, desperately sad. He’s always been sad for Spencer and what he’s gone through, and he’s been crying most of the night, but the realisation, the reassertion, of just how much Spencer hates himself, what his brain’s put him through over the last two years cuts deep, winding him.

“I just wish he could see himself the way we see him,” he says sadly, another tear spilling down his cheek, as though he has anything left to give.

Penelope’s expression tells him she feels the same.

Hotch goes in to check on Spencer as the clock approaches nine, and his heart breaks for the thousandth time when he finds him staring listlessly at the wall again.

“Morning, baby,” he says gently, making his way into the room.

Thankfully, it grabs Spencer’s attention, and he turns to look at him, misery and self-loathing written all over his face. He doesn’t say anything, but he holds eye contact with Aaron long enough for him to understand that it’s okay for him to be there, and he makes his way further into the room, climbing onto the bed. He’s not expecting Spencer to immediately latch onto him, burying his face in his t-shirt as he clings to him like he’s going somewhere, but that’s exactly what happens.

“Penelope’s in the living room,” he murmurs, carding his fingers through Spencer’s hair. There’s no expectation for him to reply, so he lets the words settle over them as they lay quietly together; the calm after the storm. Aaron hopes it won’t double as the before as well.

After a good couple of minutes, Spencer shifts, and Aaron follows his lead as they shuffle out of the bedroom towards Penelope’s contemplative perch on the sofa. Spencer heads straight towards her, curling into her side and drawing the warm comfort Penelope always has to offer.

“Oh, baby genius,” she whispers, kissing the top of his head. “You’re okay. We love you so much.”

It’s apparently the wrong thing to say, because Spencer immediately withdraws, curling in on himself as he starts to cry.

“Hey, hey, Spencer,” Aaron soothes calmly as he rushes over to his side, “what’s going on?”

Penelope starts to apologise but Aaron shakes his head and she settles for resting a gentle hand on his side instead.

“Can you tell us what’s wrong, Spencer?” Aaron asks, a knot forming in his stomach as he hopes against hope that this won’t turn into a repeat of last night. “We can’t help you unless you talk to us.”

Spencer takes a ragged breath in, turning his face slightly towards Aaron’s direction, and his chest clenches at the bags under his sore, red eyes; his pallid skin. “I’m sorry,” he says shakily, wiping at the tears on his face.

“You don’t have to apologise, Spencer. You just need to tell us how we can help you,” Penelope says gently, her hand rubbing small, consoling circles on his side.

Spencer meets his eyes, his face crumpling as he does and Aaron, in that moment, is reminded distinctly of a star collapsing in on itself. Spencer heaves a painful sob as two more tears spill down his cheeks. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”

The admission seems obvious at surface level, but the magnitude of such a statement isn’t lost on either Aaron nor Penelope.

Aaron sighs sadly. “Come here, baby.” Spencer falls gladly into Aaron’s embrace, sobbing dejectedly into his shoulder, sounding so tired and defeated that it’s painful to listen to.

Once he’s finished crying himself out, Aaron and Penelope switch places, Aaron moving to sit on the sofa with Spencer propped up against him and Penelope settling into the armchair.

He approaches his next words carefully. “I’ve made an appointment for you to see Dr Parker at 11am. Penelope and I will take you, and we both think that you should talk to him about going back on the venlafaxine.”

To his surprise Spencer just nods tiredly, no longer crying and instead resuming his blank staring.

“And we also think you should consider talking to Derek and Emily about what happened yesterday,” Penelope suggests quietly, an encouraging expression on her face.

Spencer looks up at her, emotions flying across his face as he processes her words and how he feels about them. Briefly, he looks like he’s about to argue, about to shout or get mad, but he quickly deflates. “They’ll feel guilty,” he says miserably. “Not their fault.”

“Your relationships with everyone have come a long way, Spencer, and that’s great. But everyone is still fragile and affected by everything that’s happened in the past year, and keeping secrets like these is only going to hurt everyone more.”

Spencer’s still and silent for a moment before he nods reluctantly.

“I think that maybe,” Aaron ventures cautiously, “you should avoid doing any consulting work for a while. It’s clearly damaging for you and is always going to come with potential triggers, and when you’re already feeling sad and vulnerable, it’s really just a catalyst for an event like yesterday evening.”

Spencer nods at that, too, and Aaron wishes he could take his acquiescence as a win, but he knows it’s coming from a place of defeat and despair, and he’ll never take any consolation in that.

“Okay, sweetheart,” Aaron says. “We have about an hour until we need to leave, so why don’t we get you some food, get you into the shower, and then you can rest for any left over time? Does that sound okay?”

At Spencer’s agreement, Penelope heads to the kitchen to whip him up something a bit more nutritious than the toast they both settled for, while Aaron takes him to the bathroom to wash up.

“Are you alright on your own?” he asks as he sets the shower up for him, Spencer perching on the edge of the bath as he waits.

Instead of answering his question though, panic suddenly crosses Spencer’s face and he looks at Aaron urgently. “Jack!”

“Hey, it’s alright,” he says soothingly. “Jess is gonna pick him up from his sleepover at lunchtime and have him for the afternoon. I’ve taken a personal day and unless a case comes in, Penelope will be here for as long as we need her. Everything’s in hand.”

“But it’s Jack’s spring break! You should be spending time with him, not herding me into the shower—”

At the first sign of tears, Aaron is quick to step in, reassuring him as best he can. “Hey, I will spend time with him, alright? He was already going to be with Sam all morning, and he’ll be dropped off before dinner, so Jess is only going to have him for a couple of hours. And if you’re feeling well enough once we get back from the doctor’s, then he can come home early, but right now, your health is the most important thing we need to deal with, you hear me?”

Spencer nods reluctantly, but he can tell that the thought of cutting into Aaron’s time with Jack is only fuelling his self-loathing. Having to accept that there’s nothing he can do about that, he makes sure he’s okay in the shower before heading out into the kitchen to find Penelope.

“I can’t tell if that went well or not,” she says quietly, not looking up from the frying pan currently cooking eggs and bacon.

Aaron sighs, leaning against the counter top, his eyes fixed on the bathroom door. “I think it went about as well as it could.”

“I texted Emily and Derek, and they’re going to pop over this afternoon if we don’t get a case,” she says. “If Spencer’s not up for it, we can rearrange, but I thought it was better to be prepared.”

“No, you’re right, thank you for doing that, Penelope. What would I do without you?”

“Aw, stop it, bossman,” she says, grinning as she nudges him playfully.

He smiles. “I mean it.”

“I know. But I’m happy to help you guys out. I’d do anything for Spencer, and I know he’d do anything for me.”

“Without a doubt.”

Spencer emerges from the bathroom a few moments later, clad in a white t-shirt and some tracksuit bottoms Aaron is pretty sure are both actually his, damp curly hair a mess on his head. He can’t help but smile despite himself; his boyfriend looking so damn cute will always be a small pick-me-up on even the worst of days.

“Penelope’s cooked up a storm for you,” he says as brightly as the situation allows, guiding him to the sofa and tucking him in with a couple of blankets to get him as comfortable as possible.

He gets a small smile at that, and a murmured ‘thank you’ when Penelope brings him over a plate of bacon and eggs, arranged as perfectly as he’d expect with Penelope serving as cook.

He flicks the TV to the discovery channel, managing to catch the beginning of a documentary on big cats, and he counts it as a win when it catches Spencer’s attention, hoping it takes his mind off the pain he’s feeling just a little bit.

They spend the next forty minutes watching documentaries with Spencer before Penelope notices the time and begins herding them out the door towards the parking garage.

“No way,” Aaron laughs as she heads towards her car.

“What?”

“You are not driving, Penelope,” he says, laughing even more at her incredulous reaction. “I’ve seen you; you drive like a maniac. We’re taking my car.”

She pouts. “I hate you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Does this mean I have to sit in the back, too?”

He just levels her with a look that has her sighing dramatically and flinging herself into the backseat, but when he looks over at Spencer and sees a smile on his face, he’s suddenly even more thankful for Penelope.

They sit in the waiting room while Spencer has his appointment and try desperately not to make each other more anxious than they already feel. Penelope flicks through fashion magazines at a pace that tells Aaron she’s not reading a single word, and Aaron reads over and over the case notes he’d bought with him to pass the time, no more going in the second, third, eleventh time than it did the first.

Finally, though, Spencer emerges from Dr Parker’s office with a script in hand and they both sigh a small breath of relief at the idea that he’s finally getting the help he’s been needing so badly.

“Okay, baby?” he murmurs as Spencer reaches for his hand on the way out of the psychiatrist’s office, and something loosens in his chest when Spencer nods and smiles, looking happier and more relaxed than he has in weeks.

Derek and Emily come over just after lunchtime, and Penelope gets up to open the door for them, Spencer and Aaron not moving from their position on the couch, Spencer resting his head in Aaron’s lap as one of his favourite sci-fi movies is playing on the TV.

When he sees who it is, though, Spencer moves to sit up slightly, still keeping himself folded into Aaron’s side.

“Hey, Spence,” Emily says softly, taking a seat in the armchair while Penelope comes over to perch on the arm, wrapping an arm around her girlfriend, “what’s this about?”

Both Emily and Derek look confused enough that Aaron knows Spencer will be able to tell that neither he nor Penelope told them what happened last night, willing to give him a last minute out if that’s what he needs, as well as full control over the narrative.

Derek comes over to the sofa and sits next to Spencer, keeping enough distance between them to keep Spencer comfortable, though he still rests a warm hand on his ankle. “What’s going on? You can tell us anything, pretty boy, you know that.”

Spencer looks to Aaron, and the expression on his face conveys what he needs immediately.

“Yesterday, your consult with Spencer on the methanol poisoning case triggered an… event,” he explains, trying to choose his words carefully. He wants to tell the truth, but he also doesn’t want to sound like he’s blaming Derek and Emily or use language Spencer wouldn’t be happy with. “It was a breaking point of sorts and as such, he decided to go back on his medication.”

Relief tied up with confusion are the first emotions he watches play over Emily and Derek’s faces. Everyone’s been hoping Spencer will return to his medication, but he knows they’ll want more information as to what exactly happened and why they’ve been asked over.

“An event?” Emily asks, sounding a little hesitant.

Before Aaron can answer, Spencer speaks up, his voice a little tired and croaky but convicted nonetheless. “It was a breakdown,” he says plainly, not sugar-coating his words. “I was in a bad place already and I was out of practice with what a time sensitive case entails, and it sent me into a tailspin. It reminded me of all the feelings that working in the BAU caused that year, and I couldn’t handle it. I lashed out at Aaron and…”

“The details don’t matter,” Aaron rescues his tailed off sentence. “The fact is we thought that more secrets were only going to make things worse in the long run, and you needed to understand what happened last night since Spencer going back on his meds was bound to raise questions anyway.”

“I don’t want you to feel guilty,” Spencer interjects, his voice anxious and urgent. “It wasn’t your fault, it’s just the way of the BAU and if I’d been on my medication like I should’ve been in the first place it wouldn’t have been a problem, it was just a horrible medley of circumstances. But I’ve decided that I won’t be doing any consults for a while until I can get my head on straight again. It may be that I’m never able to do them without being triggered, but we’re going to play it by ear.”

Aaron smiles at him proudly, kissing the top of his head as soon as he buries back in for a cuddle.

“Oh, Spence,” Emily sighs sadly. “I’m so sorry, we didn’t even think. We were so caught up in the case we didn’t even stop to consider you and how you’d interpret things.”

“I don’t want you to feel guilty,” Spencer says again, this time from his place on Aaron’s chest. “I’m sorry that it had to be you guys that triggered the breaking point.”

“We should’ve been more considerate,” Derek says firmly, his expression filled with regret. “The last thing I’d ever want is to make you feel the way I did last year, and even though other circumstances contributed to what happened last night, we still failed you, kid, and I’m so sorry for that.”

“It’s fine, seriously. In a way, I’m glad it happened. Something had to give, and I’m glad that I can look forward to finally feeling normal again. I talked to my psychiatrist this morning and even though… it still feels a little bit like giving up, I feel better about it. And we’re gonna work on my attitude to medication in the next couple of sessions until I feel more comfortable about it.”

Aaron knows how much Spencer hates talking about his recovery, so it feels like a big step for him to be so personal and vulnerable in front of four different people, even if they are all virtually his family at this point.

“I’m proud of you, Spencer,” Emily says earnestly, and even though Aaron can tell she still feels guilty, at least it’s no longer the most dominant emotion on her face.

“Me too, kid. You’ve been through hell and back and we’re all so proud of you for getting to where you are.”

Spencer smiles gratefully, but Aaron can tell he’s exhausted from the events of the morning, so he sends a look to Penelope and she shows Emily and Derek out, but not before giving Emily a kiss and being teased by Derek for it.

“Right, baby,” he says as the apartment quietens and it’s just the three of them left. “I think you could do with a nap, don’t you?”

“Don’t wanna leave you,” Spencer mumbles tiredly, clinging to his t-shirt.

“Well how about I come and sit with you while you sleep, yeah? You go and get tucked in and I’ll be in in a minute, I promise.”

“You better.” It’s not much, but it’s the closest to teasing Spencer’s come in weeks, and he’ll absolutely take it.

He gives Penelope a warm hug and disappears into the bedroom.

“Looks like I can leave you to it,” Penelope says quietly as soon as the door’s closed behind him.

Aaron looks at her seriously, before wrapping her in a rare hug. “Thank you for today. I mean it. I don’t know what we would’ve done this past year without you, Penelope, but we sure as hell wouldn’t be where we are now. I’m always gonna be thankful that Spencer has someone as wonderful as you to call a best friend.”

“Hotch,” she says tearily, “I love you both so much. You don’t have to thank me, but it means a lot that you did.”

He smiles at her. “You should go back to the BAU. Go and find Derek and Emily who are no doubt beating themselves up and tell them they’re being ridiculous.”

She gives him a mock salute as she smiles back. “You got it, boss.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Keep me posted,” she says as she gathers the last of her things and heads to the door. “Let me know how he’s doing tonight and I’ll pop round after work to see him tomorrow, okay?”

“Perfect.”

As soon as she’s gone, he climbs into bed with Spencer and wraps him up in his arms, feeling — for the first time in weeks — a distinct conviction that everything is going to be okay.

Chapter Sixteen

Soooo, we don't hate me anymore? I really enjoyed writing this part of the fic, I'm such a sucker for third act angst and the resolution is always so satisfying to me, so I hope I managed to give you guys the same feeling. Only one more chapter to go, and then we're done wtf, how did that happen? I can't wait for you to all read the happy lil ending I wrote for you! See you next Saturday, for the very last time :( If this chapter has brought anything up for you and you're feeling unsafe please check out this link <3

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @hotchseyebrows @reidology @transhanniballecter @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @goobzoop @marsjareau @garcias-bitch @marvel-ous-m @oliverbrnch @sbeno22 @aaron-hotchner187 @kuolonsyoja @reidreids @anxious-enby (add yourself to my taglist here!)

[perlukafarinn]

Destiel 6 + 43 :)

friends to lovers + old married couple (but “old married couple” in this case doesn’t mean literally)

They’re on their way to Sam’s apartment to pick him for dinner, Dean and Cas in the front seat, Charlie and her new girlfriend Gilda in the back. They’re already running a little late and Cas keeps trying to give Dean directions, as if he doesn’t know the way to Sam’s like the back of his hand.

“Not since construction started downtown,” Cas argues. “Most of 23rd street is closed, you would be better off taking a right by the University.”

Dean scoffs. “I know what I’m doing, Cas. You don’t even own a car!”

“No, but I took this route on my bike a couple of days ago.”

“Oh, well, since you biked-”

“Are they always like this?” Gilda asks from the back, quiet but not enough so that Dean can’t hear it.

Charlie laughs. “Not always but they bicker like an old married couple.”

Dean’s left eye twitches and he clams his mouth shut, cutting himself off mid-argument. Charlie has called them that before but not in a while and it didn’t used to sting like that. He’d rather not dwell on why.

He takes his normal route despite Cas’ protests and has to turn around halfway to Sam’s when they run into construction.  

Cas, to his credit, doesn’t say ‘I told you so’.

*

Cas forgot his lunch at home. Normally, that wouldn’t be enough to worry Dean but he’s been really busy at work lately, working later and later hours, and Dean wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot to eat altogether.

Since he’s self-employed, Dean’s got no problem taking a long break today to swing by Cas’ office with his lunch. As a joke, mostly on himself, he stuffs it in a brown paper bag and scribbles Cas’ name on it along with a crudely-drawn heart.

Cas’ secretary, Alfie, gives Dean a smile when he approaches his desk holding up the bag. Dean considers just barging into Cas’ office (he’s done it enough times) but Alfie holds up his hand like he knows exactly what he’s thinking and picks up his phone.

“Mr. Novak?” he says brightly. “So sorry to interrupt, but your husband is here with your lunch.”

Dean’s eyes widen. He can feel the heat rising to his cheeks, especially when Alfie just nods at Cas’ response and waves Dean inside - Cas clearly didn’t bother correcting him.

Cas is shuffling through some papers when Dean enters his office, phone nestled in the crook of his neck, but he quickly hangs up and puts them aside with a grateful smile when he sees Dean.

“I knew I’d forgotten something,” he says, accepting the bag from Dean’s hand and snorting when he sees the inscription on it. “Thank you, dear.”

It’s so obviously meant to be a joke, one at Alfie’s expense for making such a silly assumption, and still Dean can’t keep his heart from skipping a beat.

He plasters on a fake smile. “Hey, what kinda husband would I be if I let you go hungry?”

“Are you stopping for lunch?” Cas asks.

Dean wasn’t planning on it but he nods anyway, pulling up a chair to sit at Cas’ desk. 

*

Dean has almost put the whole lunch-office-husband thing out of his mind a week later, when Sam calls and tells him that his apartment building is being fumigated and he needs someplace to stay.

It’s a tight squeeze but of course Dean says to stay at his; Sam’s landlord is footing the bill for motel rooms but only the cheapest sort and they spent enough of their childhoods bouncing between those. Dean’s not gonna let Sam be homeless again, not even for a day.

The plan is for Sam and Dean to take turns sleeping on the pull out couch. Sam offers to take the first night and he’s still out cold when Dean gets up to make breakfast the next morning.

The coffee is ready and the bacon is sizzling on the pan by the time Cas gets out of his room. He tiptoes past Sam, still fast asleep on the couch, and sits down at the kitchen counter.

“Should we wake him for breakfast?” he asks quietly.

Dean shakes his head. “He should wake up soon anyway, I’ll reheat this if I have to.”

Cas nods. A couple minutes later everything is cooked and Dean sits down next to him with a plate for each. They eat in silence, Sam not even stirring, and Dean would be worried about the kid if he didn’t know from experience just what a heavy sleeper he can be.

His attention is snatched away from Sam when Cas reaches for his plate, snatching up one of his bacon slices. Dean grabs him by the wrist but Cas is undeterred, bending his head down to take a bite of his stolen bacon.

“Dude, get some of your own.”

“I had some,” Cas says, licking his lips and Dean is suddenly all too aware of how warm Cas’ wrist feels underneath his fingers. “I finished it and you gave yourself extra slices.”

“Did not,” Dean lies. 

Then, impulsively, before Cas can take another bite, he ducks his head and snatches the rest of the bacon from his grip. His lips graze Cas’ skin as he does so and he hears Cas let out a strangled sound.

He straightens, flushing as he sees Cas staring at him with wide eyes.

Sam clears his throat.

“Sam!” Dean says, just a little too loud, dropping Cas’ hand like a hot potato. “You’re awake!”

Sam peers at him from the couch, and Dean’s not sure if he’s suspicious or just tired. His hair is flat on one side from resting on the pillow and sticking up on the other, and any other time Dean would be laughing or getting a camera.

“I’m going to go shower,” Cas says quietly, slipping from his seat before Dean can respond. Both Winchesters watch him leave, the room falling silent as he closes the bathroom door behind him.

Sam looks back at Dean. “Are you sure you’re not married?”

Dean flips him off.

*

Those fours years that Dean has on Sam must make a hell of a difference, because Dean cannot for the life of him understand how Sam could sleep on that torture device they call a couch. 

The mattress is thin, way too soft, and lumpy in all the worst places. What’s worse is the noise it makes as Dean tosses around trying to fall asleep, the creaking springs waking him up every time he manages to drift off.

At some point in the night - Dean’s not sure when, though it’s well after midnight - Cas pokes his head out of his room.

“Dean?”

Dean licks his lips. “Yeah?”

“Get in here.”

Dean should protest, if only for the sake of his sanity. But it’s late and he’s exhausted and his back already aches from this hell-spawn of a mattress, so he gets up and follows Cas back into his room.

Cas doesn’t say another word, just crawls back in bed, leaving a decent bit of space beside him. Dean stands there staring for a moment, silently cursing whatever deity might be listening, then gets in after him.

He settles at the very edge of the mattress, leaving as much space between them as possible. His body is tense and sleep feels far off but he still closes his eyes, focusing on keeping his breaths even and not noticing the warmth radiating from Cas’ body.

Despite his anxiety, Dean must still manage to drift off at some point because he’s suddenly blinking his eyes open and it’s morning.

Cas is facing him now, lying just a couple of inches away, and not only are their legs tangled together underneath the comforter but Cas’ hand is resting on Dean’s waist. 

Dean swallows, but before he can wonder how to de-tangle himself from Cas without waking him up, Cas draws in a sharp breath through his nose. Dean is unable to move as Cas opens his eyes, peering around in slight confusion before settling on Dean’s face.

And he smiles. Dean’s heart jumps at that smile, at the warmth of it, and he finds himself returning it despite himself. Why isn’t every morning like this?

“What are you thinking?” Cas asks, his voice a low rumble.

“That every morning should be like this,” Dean answers honestly.

He only realizes what he’s said when Cas’ eyes widen, all traces of sleep suddenly gone from them. Jesus Christ, what the hell was he thinking? There is no un-romantic way Cas could interpret that! He could have reached down and grabbed Cas’ dick and it would have been a less obvious come-on.

“I didn’t-” Dean stutters. “I meant-” 

Cas gives him a pointed look, effectively silencing him. “I know what you meant.”

Then he’s leaning in, pausing just long enough for Dean to realize what’s going on before closing the distance between them, kissing Dean with such tenderness that it aches. Dean’s still barely with the program but he kisses Cas back, crowding in closer and cupping Cas’ cheek with his hand not caught in the scant space between them.

Cas pulls away and Dean’s not proud of the noise he makes then but he opens his eyes again and Cas is looking at him with such heat that it’s hard to care about anything else.

“How long, Dean?” 

“Years,” Dean admits, and it’s just one embarrassing confession after another this morning isn’t it? “Fuck, years.”

“It’s been years for me too,” Cas says. “I can’t believe - all this time we could’ve-”

Dean places a finger against his lips, cutting him off. “Then lets not waste any more.”

Cas laughs, breathlessly agreeing, and Dean leans in to kiss him again, putting an end to their conversation for now. 

They’ve got some catching up to do.

*

They’re married less than four months later. 

At this point, it’s really nothing more than a formality. 

[dontcare77ghj]

Wings

Wings

Sam x reader x Bucky

Note: Just in case I didn't make it very clear, wings can be retracted back into people's backs or like Angel Salvadores.

Not everyone grew wings at the same time. There were babies with fully grown wings, and entirely developed adults just getting theirs in.

No-one knew why it took longer for others than some. No-one knew why some were basically born with these fully functioning appendages.

Scientists were not even 100% sure why people were born with wings. There were theories on evolution, gifts from the Gods, and so many more.

Everyone was different. Wings varied in size, shape, texture, and color.

Some wings were built for defense, some were too small to fly, some were purely for speed.

There were feathery wings, scaley wings, sheer, everything. The possibilities were limitless.

Not everyone on the Avengers had them. Natashas had been cut off in her Red Room days. One of Tonys had been injured after he was kidnapped, and he had to lose one. Yours had not come in yet.

It was the norm for many people, but it annoyed you. All you wanted was for them to come in. Everyone else in your family had gotten them young, another aspect that made you a freak.

Sam and Bucky understood your want to be like everyone else. They knew how ostracized you had been during your childhood. You were a telepath for christ sakes. They also knew what it was to want what everyone else had.

Sams wings had been very terribly damaged a few years ago. He had not had to lose them, but they were weak and could no longer do much. For the most part, Sam kept them folded in his back, and rarely ever showed them to even you or Bucky.

Buckys wings had not come in until he entered the war. Even skinny little Steves wings had come in sooner than Buckys had.

A large part of you was upset at your lack of wings, but when you're dating Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes, distractions came naturally.

"Y/N? Buck? Where's the paprika?" Sam called from the kitchen. "Hell, where are most of the spices?"

"There's a whole bunch of them in the bag on the bench." You said, moving into the kitchen. 

"I was so sure we had whole jars in the cabinet," Sam said, rifling through the grocery bag.

"We did." You nodded. "But Wanda didn't have any, so I gave her ours. She brought us the new ones in thanks."

"How did she go through so many full jars of spices?" He asked you.

"She was trying to teach Vision to cook." You said, causing him to nod.

"At least she's sticking to it." Sam nodded as Bucky entered the kitchen.

"Vision set fire to the kitchen last week." Bucky scoffed. "Probably safer not to."

"You shouldn't throw stones. You set fire to the kitchen two nights ago." Sam pointed out. 

"That was not my fault. It was the stoves." Bucky denied. 

"Of course, it was." You cooed, kissing his cheek as you moved past him. "But that incident is why you're not cooking tonight." You added, putting your heat pack in the microwave.

"Your back still playing up, doll?" Bucky asked you.

A week ago, you'd been injured on a mission. You'd gotten too close to an explosion and had been thrown back. You hadn't been burned, but you did end up injuring your back. It wasn't anything serious, just a torn muscle, but it still hurt like a bitch.

"Yeah, Bruce said it should be fine soon." You groaned, rolling your shoulder. "Fucking HYDRA."

"Yeah, they're bitches." Sam laughed as Bucky sat you down on the couch.

"You sit. I'll get your heat pack, and then we'll watch a movie while Sammy cooks."

"Rude." Sam scoffed. "I'm gonna sign you up for Wanda's cooking lessons. Then you'll have no excuse." He said as Bucky grabbed your heat pack.

"And then I will get better than you, and you'll complain," Bucky smirked, draping the pack around your neck and taking a seat next to you.

"I'll always love your food, Sammy." You said, leaning back into the couch.

"There's no guarantee he'll even be good!" Sam exclaimed. "Barnes, stay out of my kitchen."

"Your kitchen?" You scoffed. "I cook more than you do."

"You can't stand for longer than ten minutes. You're out of commission for now, so it's my kitchen." Sam said, plating up dinner.

"Buck, you're helping take back the kitchen in a week." You muttered, causing the man to laugh. "We're starting a revolution."

"If you start any kind of revolution, you aren't getting fed," Sam said, walking over with plates in hand.

"I mean, I love you, Sammy." You said, making grabby hands at the man. Sam rolled his eyes as Bucky chuckled. 

"Yeah, yeah, of course, you do." Sam gave you a small smile as he handed over the plate.

"I call picking the movie," Bucky said, putting his plate on the table and picking up the remote.

"As long as it's not a musical, I don't care what we watch," Sam said, bringing his own plate and sitting next to you.

"For the last time, I didn't make you watch a musical." You groaned. "It's Disney, everyone watches Disney."

"We've watched that movie eight hundred times," Sam complained.

"It's a God damn classic, Sammy. Tell him, Buck." You said.

"It's a God damn classic, Sammy," Bucky smirked. "Maybe that's what we should watch tonight."

"You two are horrible." Sam groaned, leaning against the back of the couch.

"You love us." You said, leaning over to kiss the man. "Come on admit it, you love us." You said, drawing out the word love.

"Yeah, I love you two," Sam admitted, causing you to smile widely. 

"Knew it," Bucky smirked, leaning over you to kiss the man. "You can't resist us."

"No, I can't." Sam smiled as you curled into his side.

"I thought you two turned the alarm off?" You groaned, reaching over to turn off the blaring device. 

"I asked Buck to do it," Sam mumbled, eyes still closed as he spoke.

"Bullshit. You said you'd do it." Bucky shot back from Sams other side. Sam wasn't usually one to sleep in the middle, but you couldn't stand the idea with how your back felt this past week.

"I don't care who forgot to turn it off, you're both in my shit book now." You said, glaring at the alarm clock. "It's five in the morning."

"Go back to sleep then." Bucky reasoned. 

"I'm awake now. There's no turning back." You told him. 

"Look what we did, Buck. We forced our poor baby to be awake." Sam chuckled, grabbing your hips and rolling you over, so you straddled him.

"You did." You hummed as Sam intertwined your hands. 

"We're such terrible boyfriends, aren't we doll?" Bucky asked as he sat up in the bed.

"Not all the time." You smiled as Bucky sat behind you.

"That's nice to hear." Bucky chuckled, pressing a kiss to your neck. "We've got three hours until breakfast, maybe we should think about a way to pass the time."

"I can think of a way to pass the time," Sam said, pulling you down to kiss him.

"I like the way you think, Sammy." Bucky chuckled, pressing kisses down your shoulders.

You let out a gasp, pulling away from Sam as Bucky kissed your upper back.

"Wait, Buck, that hurts." You winced, leaning away from him. "That really hurts."

"I'm going to lift your shirt, baby doll," Bucky said after sharing a look with Sam.

"No, don't." You hissed as the shirt's material rubbed against your back. "I need to take more medication, and it'll fix itself."

"I don't think that's going to fix your problem, baby doll," Bucky told you. "Hold on a second." He said, reaching over to the bedside and grabbing Sam's phone.

"Wait, you know how to use that?" Sam asked, rubbing circles on your side.

"He's taking classes from me with Steve." You said, giving Sam a small smile. "Is my back bleeding again?"

"No, it's not, I promise. Just let me take this." Bucky said, quickly snapping a photo. "Look, baby doll." 

Bucky put the phone in front of your face, and you inhaled sharply at the photo before you.

In front of your face was your naked back. But with two open gashed that were beginning to sprout your wings.

"Holy shit." You gasped, taking the phone in your hands. "Is that real?"

"What?" Sam asked, taking the phone out of your hands. "Hang on, I want to see this," Sam said, shifting on the bed, so he was behind you, and you were resting on your front.

"Can you tell what they're made of yet?" You asked as fingers traced around them.

"I always said your nickname should be angel." Sam chuckled. "Looks like you're going to have pure white wings."

"They're finally coming in." You smiled widely.

"They're finally coming in." Bucky nodded. "Downside is your back is going to be really tender for the next few weeks."

"So nothing different then from the last week," Sam commented.

"On the plus side, Bruce should have something to numb the pain," Bucky told you.

"Thank God, I can't tell if it burns more than it itches at this point." You said, rolling your shoulders slightly.

"Just feel lucky yours are coming out of your back and don't fold into your arms." Bucky snorted. "I have some painkillers in the bathroom. Won't be a second." He said, getting off the bed.

"They're beautiful, angel baby," Sam said as you turned and sat up in the bed.

"You're a sweetheart." You smiled, leaning up to kiss the man.

"Does that mean I'm off your shit list?" He asked, barely pulling away.

"I suppose so." You hummed, quickly pecking his lips again. "I love you."

"I love you too," Sam responded.

"I leave the two of you for a minute, and you both get sappy on me?" Bucky asked, reentering the room.

"You do the same thing, James," Sam said, moving so he was sitting next to you and giving Bucky room to join you both. "We all know you're the sappiest in this relationship."

"Someone should have warned me how much bullying would be going on in this relationship." Bucky sighed as he passed you the pills.

"You love us." You leaned forward and kissed the man sweetly.

"Yeah, I do." Bucky smiled.

"And don't act like you don't bully us regularly. I have evidence saved, don't make me get it out." 

Wings didn't grow overnight. That was a ridiculous belief, and quite honestly sounded very painful.

Like wings themselves, the time frame for every person was different. Your mother claimed hers grew in a week, and you watched your sisters take four months to come in.

It had been three weeks since Bucky noticed your wings beginning to grow. They grew bit by bit but because they were still growing, you weren’t able to retract them into your back.

It was uncomfortable and impractical. You’d broke six coffee mugs, knocked any object off the bedside, and hadn’t been allowed on missions because you weren’t exactly stealthy with six-foot-long wings.

“Oh shit.” You swore as you knocked a lamp over only just managing to save it.

“Maybe we should just confine you to the bed, angel baby.” Sam snickered. “Can’t break anything there.”

“Lie.” Bucky scoffed. “We’re on our third headboard this year.”

“I’m a klutz magnet. Leave me and save yourselves.” You said, falling face first onto the mattress.

“I think you’re stuck with us, baby doll. What would we do without our morning cuddles?” Bucky asked, reaching over and pulling you closer to him.

“Or breakfast pancakes?” Sam asked. “Yeah, you’re stuck with us.”

“The daily growth has decreased Y/N, they finished growing soon,” Bucky assured you.

“You’re sure?” You asked, lifting your head.

“100%,” Sam answered, running his fingers through your feathers. “Soon you’ll be able to retract them in and be like the rest of us losers.”

“Remind me why I put up with you again?” Bucky sighed.

“Because you love me,” Sam smirked, leaning up to kiss the brunette. 

“I suppose that’s a good enough reason.”

It had taken another week for your wings to finish growing. With pure white feathers and coming in at seven feet long, Sam often joked that you’d be either trying to help or kill the Winchesters soon.

It had been three months since your wings had formed and you couldn’t have been happier.

“I love you in my shirt.” Bucky murmured, resting his face on your shoulder. “I really do.”

“Do you love me in your shirt or do you love I’m only wearing your shirt?” You teased, flipping a pancake.

“Both situations are as good as each other.” He shrugged. “You left us in bed.”

“I wanted to surprise you with breakfast. You ruined your own surprise.” You said, poking a finger into his ribs.

“You’re not that sneaky.” Bucky pointed out, turning you in his grasp. 

“You take that back.” You gasped in mock offense.

“I don’t think I will.” Bucky smirked. “And I think Sam will agree with me.” 

“That Y/N isn’t sneaky? He’s not wrong, angel.” Sam agreed, suddenly appearing in the doorway.

“I’ve been betrayed by both my partners.” You deadpanned, watching as Sam turned off the stove and moved behind you.

“We can make you forget that.” Sam said, putting his hands on your shoulders.

“I don’t know. You might have to try really hard.” You hummed as Bucky kissed your neck.

“We’ll try for as long as we have to.” Bucky told you as Sams hands lowered until he was pressing a spot on your back that made you gasp and your wings shoot out.

“You two play dirty.” You whined as Sams skillful fingers ran through the feathers.

“You love us.” Sam said with a short chuckle.

“I really do.” You smiled as the three of you began to slowly shuffle back towards the bedroom.

Taglists are always open.

Taglist

@rvgrsbrns @smilexcaptainx @hopingforbarnes @starlingelliot @piper-koko-barnes-rogers @jelly-fishy-babie @skeletoresinthebasement @agent-barnes40 @reann-loves-sebstan @skadikh @summergeezburr @buckybarton03 @miyaeadys-blog @bindythedemon @natasharomanoffismywife @keenmarvellover 

[s-and-n-writes]

the lie that wasn’t: a lila takedown story

ao3 link

summary: Marinette Dupain-Cheng was having a good day. She’d managed to wake up early and get to work on time, she was able to finish the pieces for the show on Monday, and she even found a little ladybug, who she promptly named Tikki.

This was before Lila Rossi decided to intervene. She had found a new lie to tell: the top secret news that she was now dating Adrien Agreste, and was yet again making Marinette's life miserable, like she promised.

There was just one problem. Marinette was dating Adrien. And everyone knew it.

A/N: hey! it's n again, and happy september!

i literally cannot believe that it's september already. it feels like july was just yesterday honestly. summer's practically over, and i'm so sad :( also, i’m psychic! if you want the story just tell me lol

ps: ladybug’s face is a mooood ngl

anyways, enjoy!

______

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was having a good day. She’d managed to wake up early and get to work on time (her mentor and boss, M. Agreste himself managed to look surprised as she popped into his office at 9AM to exchange a quick greeting), she was able to finish the pieces for the show on Monday (her once-cancelled date with Adrien was back on now) and she even found a little ladybug, who she’d named Tikki (after her kwami friend) resting on her sewing machine. 

Even now, as she laid on her desk sipping cold coffee and drawing new designs, the petite bug flitted about, never leaving her general space.

The only thing that had been a slight damper on her good mood was the (probably unnecessary, thought Marinette) was the feeling of being broken, or not enough or-

It was hard to explain.

Maybe it was the endless tormenting from Lila, who had decided to make Marinette her enemy.

Maybe it was the pressure from designing and creating at Gabriel.

Maybe it was the sneers that her so-called friends gave her, after hearing Lila’s lies.

Maybe it was… her. 

Regardless of the cause, for a long time, Marinette continued to feel as if… she was useless, against everything life threw at her at her each and every day. 

But before she got stuck in her dark place, she shrugged off the unwanted thoughts, instead trying to focus on the half-made design on her tablet in front of her.

It was then that, having practically nothing to do and no inspiration for designing, she instead began to think of Adrien Agreste, her boyfriend. 

He was one of the only ones who recognized that she felt sad, who helped her and listened to her rants when she needed to clear her head.

She could even say that Adrien was the best part of her life. Even if Monsieur Agreste hadn’t agreed to their relationship (which he had, since his son dating one of the most upcoming designers in the fashion industry garnered good publicity) she would’ve still found a way to make it work, especially after she found out that he was Chat Noir.

It was no secret that they were made for each other. 

Marinette was quickly shaken out of her thoughts once Lila Rossi entered the room. Lila’s bold demeanor and threatening look as she strutted into the wide space with eyes set on Marinette could only mean one thing: public embarrassment.

Marinette sighed and continued brainstorming ideas. 

Unlucky for her, Lila quickly headed her way, a sickly sweet smile on her lips. 

What could she be thinking of now? Marinette thought. 

It was like Lila to try and embarrass her, because Marinette had confronted her about her lies a while ago, but lately, it hadn’t been too bad. Even yesterday, Marinette was just telling Adrien about how Lila seemed to be laying off. 

It seemed like she jinxed herself. 

“Hey Marinette ,” Lila said as she approached her.

“Hey Lie -La,” Marinette responded, barely glancing at her. Lila faked sadness as those around her began noticing the argument between the two. It was no shock, as it often happened, but this one seemed...different. 

Little did they know. 

“Oh, Marinette! How could you say that?” Lila asked, wiping tears from her eyes. A few other designers around the room frowned and went to comfort Lila.

“Marinette!” 

“Why are you always being so mean?” 

“Really, we aren’t 12 year olds! Stop harassing Lila all the time!”

“You can be so horrible at times!” 

“Yea, can’t you see how sad she is?” 

The clear smirk on Lila’s face showed that she was far from sad. In fact, she seemed to be enjoying it.

“I told you I’d make your life miserable,”she whispered, grinning, “and this is just the beginning,”

“It’s ok everyone. We have to treat her with respect. Maybe she can change from her ways?” Lila suggested, pursing her lips into a sympathetic frown as she rubbed the sides of her arms, “And besides, I’m sure that when she pushed me in the bathroom earlier, it was just an accident!” 

“She pushed you?” Aurore Beauréal, a model, asked.

Lila nodded. “But it was an accident, really!” 

She lifted up her sleeves on both arms to show an array of reddish-purplish bruises lining them.

“That’s not an accident!” Pierre Allaire, another model, said from across the room. “Pushing? I didn’t think you’d stoop so low Marinette!” 

“I didn’t do anything!” Marinette cried, unable to keep from shouting. “You’re lying, Lila!” 

“I can’t believe you!” cried Felippe Champoux, assistant to Pierre. “Accusing Lila of lying this many times when you’ve been hurting her? How dare you!” 

“Are you ok, Lila?” asked Pierre, coming to inspect her arms. Several people crowded around her as they tried to look at her bruises.

Lila quickly rolled her sleeves down and smiled. 

“Oh, it’s ok, I’m fine,” she smiled. “There’s only some pain. Not even bad, really!”

Marinette groaned again. 

“You should feel horrible for what you’re doing!” Aurore sneered. “In fact, I think Lila should go to court against you!” 

Lila’s eyes went wide and Marinette bit her lip to stop from smirking. “Like, with a lawyer?” 

Aurore nodded. “With a lawyer!” 

Lila laughed nervously. “N-no, that’s not necessary!” 

A makeup artist from across the room frowned. “You sure?”

Lila nodded. “Yes! Marinette and I can be friends in the future! If-if we can right our wrongs, and sort this all out, we can be best friends~” 

The makeup artist grinned. “You’re amazing Lila! You’re so sweet, so nice!” 

Marinette swiveled in her chair and counted to 10 to stop from exploding. 

“Aww thank you!” the girl in question smiled. “You’re too kind!” 

Finally, Marinette thought, it’s over for today. After a few weeks of pointed looks and many avoiding her, things would eventually return back to normal.

But Lila wasn’t done yet. Like she promised, she was just getting started.

“Well, actually, this isn’t the reason I came here,” Lila smiled, “I wanted to tell you all the news!”

“What news?” asked Felippe. “Have you been able to contact Madame Bourgeois to look at our designs?”

“I did! But unfortunately, she’s busy making a dress for me to wear!” Lila sighed, smiling at the oohs and aahs the crowd sent her way. “Oui, she does that sometimes. She’s like...my honorary aunt! She sends her love though!” 

“It’s ok. But you have to tell me about the dress she’s making later!” Aurore squealed.

Lila grinned. “For sure Aurore!”

“Now, I wanted to tell all of you this as soon as I was able to. I had to keep it a secret, but now I can finally tell you! My big news is that...” Lila paused for effect, “Adrien and I are dating!”

But instead of friendly cheers, the crowd around Lila exchanged confused glances. Marinette could barely keep in the smile that was about to overcome her face. 

“What?” asked Pierre, “That’s not right. Everyone knows that Adrien Agreste is dating Marinette,” 

Another makeup artist leaned against one of the tables. “I don’t know how he can stand her, but they’re dating all right,”

Lila’s face went slack as she twisted over to look at Marinette in a split second, a snarl lining her face. 

Sorry Lila, I guess you forgot about karma, Marinette thought, smirking as she looked over at her.

Because what goes around, comes around.

Lila turned her attention to the crowd and fumbled with the (so called) Louis Vuitton bag she held. “A-ah no actually! Adrien was fake dating Marinette, because-”

“Who was fake dating who?” came a voice from the hallway. 

In walked Adrien, with a fresh coffee and a croissant from the Dupain-Cheng bakery. 

“Adrien!” called Marinette as she jumped into his arms. 

“Hey purr-incess,” he smiled, throwing his arms around her. 

Marinette could practically see the color drain from Lila’s face. She pressed a kiss to Adrien’s lips and grinned. 

“Missed you,” she whispered.

Adrien let out a quiet sigh of joy. “Same here,” 

“Now,” he began as Marinette released him from their embrace, “who’s fake dating who?”

“A-Adrien! What a surprise! I didn’t know you were coming!” Lila laughed nervously. “You don’t have to fake it anymor-”

Adrien scoffed. “Lila, for once stop lying will you? You’ve harassed my girlfriend enough and now you want to do it like this?”

“Adrien,” whispered Marinette. 

“The past few months I’ve restrained myself from coming in here, because Mari asked me not to, but I’m here now and I have words to say,” Adrien went on.

“Adrien?” asked Marinette.

“Marinette and I are dating, you and I are not, never was, never will be. Just like all of the other lies you’ve told,” Adrien said.

“Adrien,” Marinette called again. “I’m good, ok?” 

Adrien sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Fine, but if Lila gives you any more trouble, call me, ok?” 

Marinette smiled. “Ok,” 

“Ok,” Adrien grinned as he left. “See you soon. And Alya and Nino send their love!”

With a final wave, the bluenette sighed. Clutching her coffee and her croissant, Marinette turned around to face her coworkers. 

“Marinette, I’m really sorry,”

“Yeah, I didn’t know!”

“I feel horrible,”

“Lila’s the one who’s horrible!”

“Yeah! Why’s she trying to harm our sweet Marinette?”

“You know, I always felt like there was something wrong with her, when she came in for the first time,”

“And I knew Marinette was telling the truth, I did! Unlike Lie-La ,” 

“Hey, the name seems appropriate now!”

“Are you ok Mar-”

“Stop guys,” Marinette sighed, “I can’t trust you for a while. A long time. I went through so much, and you didn’t believe me! That hurt!” 

She blinked away a stray tear before it could come crashing down as she thought of the past few months and what she had endured. 

She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at the brunette, who was clenching her fists as she opened her mouth to speak. Before she could though, Marinette interrupted.“Lila, this is your last chance. Stay away from me, otherwise I’ll be forced to take this to Nathalie, who will tell M. Agreste,” 

Lila gritted her teeth and snarled. “You’re idiots! All of you!” she stated, and ran from the room.

As the crowd dispersed, Aurore stayed behind to talk to Marinette. “I assume the ‘bruises’ today were makeup?” 

Marinette sighed. “Yeah, I can’t believe you didn’t notice,”

Aurore chuckled bitterly. “Me either. I really thought she was getting all of those ‘famous designers’ to look at my work. I was so excited!” 

She gripped the fabric in her hands a little harder and let out a sigh.

“But, that doesn’t excuse what I said to you. I’m sorry, Marinette. All of us are,”

Marinette smiled. “I can’t accept your apology right now, but thanks,”

Aurore nodded. “Understood,”

With a final wave, she turned to leave. “See you around, Marinette,”

“See you around Aurore,” Marinette nodded. 

As she watched Aurore walk off, she realized for the first time in what felt like forever, she didn’t feel quite so broken anymore. 

Marinette smiled as Tikki crawled onto her finger. It was a start.

—Bonus—

Hours later, when Marinette and Adrien were driving home, Marinette leaned to entwine Adrien’s fingers with hers. 

“Well,” Adrien sighed, “that’s only one problem down,” 

“99 left to go,” Marinette finished, the edges of a smile creeping onto her face. 

[artificialqueens]

There's No One There, 1/? (Group Fic) - Marmalade

Summary: One student missing multiple classes without warning can be explained away but when more girls start disappearing, it can’t be dismissed. Jaida, Jackie, Gigi, and Crystal may not be friends but if it’s to figure out what’s going on, they’re willing to work together.

A/N: This is my first story for here, I feel like I’m maybe not the best at starting stories but I’m excite for what’s in store so hopefully you’ll stick it out. I’ve never written this genre before so it’ll be an adventure for all of us.

—

“Do you know Nicky?”

Jackie looked up from her book, a sci-fi novel that she had tucked in the sleeve of a medical journal, to see Gigi standing before her. She was practically the queen bee of the school and seeing her without her usually circle of friends in tow was a rarity. While Jackie was by no means a faceless member of the student body, her participation in the honor club and the drama club as well as her status as the lone nurse’s aide did well tying a name to the face, she hadn’t been expecting Gigi to approach her out of the blue, the two shared few classes and have seldom spoken before.

“-She’s in our year, French-“

“Yeah, what about her?”

“Well, we share a dorm and she didn’t come in by lights out and then today in English, she wasn’t at her desk. I know you work with the nurse; I was just wondering if she came in yesterday.”

“I don’t think so? Maybe she had a family emergency come up and had to leave earlier in the day.” Gigi pursed her lips and folded her arms, leaning against the wall rather than join Jackie on the bench.

“She’s my best friend, if she had to leave and didn’t have the chance to say goodbye, I feel like she would have left a note for me.” Jackie closed her book and set it down.

“Okay, yeah it’s weird but she’s probably be back in a few days and she’ll be able to tell you herself.”

After a moment of looking down at her feet, Gigi nodded and pulled away from the wall.

“You’re probably right. If she had to see family in France and had to catch a flight then maybe she didn’t have time to say anything…Thanks.” Gigi made her leave and Jackie returned to her book, not dwelling on the subject.

Gigi had approached her on a Thursday morning. The days rolled by and Jackie hardly thought about it, Gigi hadn’t approached her again, but as Monday arrived and Jackie walked into her history class, she noted that the desk usually occupied by the French girl was vacant and Jackie spent the class making brief glasses as if the girl would magically show up when she wasn’t looking.

If she did have to go back to France, Jackie told herself, then it would make sense if she had to have a longer absence because of the travel times. That was probably it.

-

Crystal peered out from the corner. A decent number of girls were passing through the hall on their way to their next class, all she had to do was not draw any attention to herself. Crystal hurried out and tried to melt into the crowd, picking up her pace as she passed by the woman with jet black hair that stood outside one of the doors.

“Crystal.” Vice Principal Visage’s voice was stern and Crystal stopped in her tracks with a stammer. “What did I say about dying your hair?”

“You said I could dye it natural colors and it’s ah-nh- a lot of people have naturally red or orange hair! Not here but- in like- the deepest…darkest depths of Scotland?”

Miss Visage stared her down with that disbelieving slight sneer she gave any student who made excuses she didn’t like. “…It’s pink.” Crystal was trying to smile like she didn’t know what was coming. “I am not going to have this conversation again with you, you have until Monday to change your hair otherwise-“

“-You’ll shave my head, I know.” Crystal was fairly certain that it was a hollow threat but V.P. Visage was known for being the single most cut throat faculty member. Miss Visage opened her mouth to say more but as the bell rang and Crystal used the opportunity to slip away.

Monday came and Crystal forgot to buy hair dye when the weekend bus came to take the girls into town for daytrips. She didn’t think too much of it until she found herself sitting in the office. Miss Visage was in a meeting at the time and an incensed teacher sat Crystal down in a chair and gave a long-winded lecture about disrespecting the school’s image with her delinquent hair. Honestly, Crystal had stopped listening a while ago and stared straight ahead at the wall with her hands in her lap, the only thing on her mind was the potential repercussions.

An hour later, Crystal stood over the sink in the communal bathroom in her dorm hall with a pair of scissors in her hand and a chunk of her hair missing. The teacher hadn’t even cut it directly on the top or the side, nor was it close enough to her hair line to try to make it into passable bangs so now Crystal scrambled to salvage it. More clips of hair pooled while a few girls giggled and walked out of the bathroom, she could hear them say “Weird girl’s playing hair stylist” as they passed someone walking in.

“What’re you doing?”

Crystal glanced up in the mirror and saw Jaida standing there, her expression was a mix of dry judgement and genuine confusion.

“Uhh- just um, trying to fix this.” The hand holding the scissors circled over the mess that was her hair right now.

“…Do I want to know why?”

“Something about disrespect, I wasn’t listening to be honest.” Jaida let out an amused chortle and stood idly by as Crystal resolved to trying to cut the other side just as short. Another large clump of hair fell into the sink and Crystal looked up to realize that now both the top of her hair and the sides were scruffy and stood out on ends.

“Child- why don’t you just cut the back of it and give yourself a pixie cut?”

“Because I’ve been trying to get my hair to my waist for years! I don’t want to start over now.” Crystal resolve to trying to make the sides even shorter before realizing that Jaida was still there. “What’re you doing here?” It wasn’t like there was a line for the stalls or the showers and the two knew each other from having to work on a project together once but that didn’t blossom into a friendship so much of a ‘If I’m at a place where I don’t know a single person and I see you, I’ll go say hi’ dynamic. Jaida shrugged and looks at her nails.

“I just don’t want to be around my dormmate right now. She’s being weird.” Crystal put her scissors down and turned to look at the other girl. “Jan is normally like the peppiest bitch I know but she’s been real down lately. I’ve asked her about it a couple of times now but like, she just won’t tell me what’s going on. Bitch, she keeps going ‘you wouldn’t get it, no one gets it’ and I got to a point where I told her that if she won’t tell me to go tell a counselor. It’s just not great knowing that she’s having some kind of problem and there’s apparently nothing I can do because she won’t say what the problem is.”

“Is it true that she quit drama and the soccer team? Midterms are in a few weeks so what if she’s just super super stressed about them then BAM!- two full weeks of spring break and she comes back to school doing a big musical number. I think a lot of girls in our level are really worried about exams, Widow’s been kind of out of it too these past few days. She hasn’t felt like dancing, Widow of all people! Like- h-can you imagine?”

“Doesn’t sound like her. It’s not like I have perfect grades in all my classes either but some of these girls are really letting the exams get to them, I’m telling you… Did you hear Nicky got sick or something like that?”

“No, really?”

“I don’t know exactly what’s going on but apparently she had to leave sometime last week. No warning or anything. Gone. Just like that.”

[revengeworld]

The Circus VI

Werewolf! Kylo x Reader Modern/Monster AU

Words: +3.100

Warnings: tiniest bit of scary stuff

AN: Feedback plz!

MASTERLIST: Can be found in my bio if you are interested in more! -

Even though Kylo had behaved in the Evening, he was quite demanding when he woke from his sleep. Having Y/Ns warm and sweet body pressed against his was too tempting for his desperate mind and body.

For a while he only watched her sleeping face that was pressed against his chest before he leaned closer and let his lips slowly graze over her exposed earlobe.

Her finger slightly dug into his back before she let out a sleepy huff and opened her eyes.

“Good Morning ...” Y/N yawned sweetly and started to nuzzle herself closer to him.

“Good Morning, my sweet Moonshine.” kissing along her neck, Y/N felt Kylos fingertips gently graze over the exposed skin from her waist.

“What time is it?” she asked tired and wanted to turn around to look at the clock, only to find it destroyed on their nightstand.

“Kylo what did you do?!” 

“I might have punched it … totally accidentally.” he whispered in her ear while gently pressing her down into the mattress again.

“Kylo, we need to get up, who knows how late we are...” laying her hands against his chest, Y/N wanted to push him off but when his teeth slightly grazed against the lobe of her ear the only thing she could do was to let out a deep sighed.

While Kylo kissed along her jaw, her arms slowly wrapped around his broad torso.

“You’re not playing fair …” she whispered against his lips before he silenced her with them.

He kissed her gently, trying to not get overwhelmed by his own instincts and the sweet smell from her that was lingering in his nose, but even he had problems to control himself.

The small breaths she let out between kisses, how her nails dug slightly in his skin and she pressed herself against him.

His hands that were resting on her hip carefully made their way up her sides under her shirt.

“Is this okay?” he asked while his lips traced along her neck.

Even now, she just nodded shyly before she cupped his face and kissed him again.

“B...but we can’t go too far, Ky...”

“Which doesn’t mean that I can’t at least please my sweet Moonshine.” helping her get rid of her shirt, Kylo immediately kissed along her collarbone and slowly made his way down her chest, along her stomach.

Her heart was fluttering in her chest like a hummingbird while she could feel Kylos lips kiss along the edge of her shorts.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Y/N relaxed until she heard a familiar hissing voice.

“Are you guys playing?”

Letting out a surprised scream Kylo quickly sat up to see what was wrong.

“Is everything alright?!” he asked before he noticed Koh on the edge of the bed.

“Awesome …” rolling with his eyes Kylo let out a frustrated scoff before sitting up. That moment was definitely ruined.

“What does he want?” he asked Y/N frustrated, since he couldn’t understand this annoying little snake.

Pulling over her T-Shirt again, she gently picked Koh up.

“Why are you here, sweety?” 

“Mama was wondering where you guys are. She was waiting so she sent me to look.” the small snake explained and Y/N only nodded.

Looking between the two, Kylo started to bounce with his leg. What the hell were they talking about? How could she even understand him. For him it still didn’t make any sense.

“So, what did he say?” he asked again and brushed a bit of hair behind Y/Ns ear.

Confused, she looked up at her boyfriend and he only raise his eyebrows in anticipation.

“Wait… you don’t understand him?” tilting her head slightly her brows furrowed.

“Of course not. Phasma is … was normally the only one.” he explained, pressing a gentle kiss against her temple.

“Oh … I thought ….” mumbling, almost to herself, she looked down at Koh again but he had already made his way from her hands to her hair.

“I thought everyone could… since Poe always reads to him… and you guys talk to him...” she looked up at Kylo who seemed to realise her thought process.

“No, my precious little Moonshine. Only you and Phasma can understand him. We only hear hissing or nothing.”

“B...but why can I? That doesn’t make any sense… I’m just human...” 

“We want to find that out… just give me a moment...” jumping from their bed he quickly ruffled through her hair before making his way to their bathroom, while Y/N tried to cool down her hot cheeks.

Being carried by Kylo, Y/N had her head leaned on his shoulder while she listened to Koh, who was telling her about the little adventure he had slithering around the circus all on his own.

“Why is he carrying you?” the small snake hissed while hanging on one of her strands of hair.

“I don’t know, he just did.” Y/N only shrugged her shoulder while cuddling closer against Kylos chest.

“Why are you carrying me, Darling?” 

“So he doesn’t have to fear a surprise attack from me!” Rey answered who suddenly appeared next to them.

“Exactly, so stay the fuck away from her.” Kylo immediately growled.

“Calm down, I’ll stay away… for now. I heard a few rumors though. That our sweet Y/N could be one of us.”

“That sweet Y/N can hear you guys! Just because I can talk to Koh you think that I’m not human anymore?” looking into Kylos eyes, he avoided them for a moment.

“It is a possibility… that you were never human to begin with.” as soon as she heard his words, Y/N started to struggle against his arms and landed on her feet.

“So you're telling me, that my parents lied to me my whole life about what I am?!” she almost shouted.

A bit ashamed she noticed that now everybody was looking at her, but when Kylo reached out to her, she slapped his hand away.

“We don’t know that yet… but we can find that out, together.” 

“And what if I don’t want to find that out? You didn’t even ask me!” she shook her head and held up her hands in defense before leaving them behind, walking back in the opposite direction. 

“Fuck...” Kylo cursed and ruffled through his hair. When he wanted to follow her Rey held him back.

“Give her a moment. She just needs to get over the first shock.”

“Don’t tell me what's best for MY mate, bitten!” pushing her arm away, Kylo stomped towards Phasmas tent. 

Immediately when the werewolf walked into the much warmer tent, hisses from every direction greeted him.

“Finally, where you guys too occupied or … where is Y/N?” Phasma had turned around a big Boa around her.

“She doesn't want to have anything to do with it.” he explained the current situation to the blonde woman who sighed.

“Why wouldn’t she want to find out the truth?” Phasma shook her head.

“Because if it is true that she is one of us, it means her whole life is a lie.” sitting down on the last free spot in this overfilled tent, Kylo ruffled through his hair again. He had been so curious himself that he didn’t think of Y/Ns feelings at all.

“Then what should we do? Do you still want to see if Poe and Finn found something out?” 

“Yeah… If they didn't find anything we just let it be.” he agreed.

“Then… let’s go. Where is Kou?” Phasma asked a bit worried that her child might have gone on another adventure.

“With her, she had him in her hair when she left.”

Only nodding, Phasma sat down the snake in her arms and both of them made their way to Finn and Poes tent.

Throwing a few things inside her bag, Y/N quickly shouldered it when Kou suddenly hung in her face.

“Where are we going?” he hissed excited and tried to hold onto the last strand of hair he could grab.

“Oh sweety. I forgot you were there.” Holding a hand under him he let himself fall and curled around her fingers.

“So no adventure?” 

“We can go on a little one… What do you say we go to the little waterfall nearby that we saw last time?” 

Seeing the little snakes excited nod, Y/N smiled and held onto him while she made her way into the nearby forest.

“Why are we not with the others?” the small snake asked after a while and Y/N sighed.

“I just wanted some time alone.” Y/N answered honestly and pushed some branches aside they could already hear the gurgling water nearby.

“Should I leave then?” the small snake asked a bit disappointed.

“Oh no my Darling. I love having you around.” with a light smile she kissed the top of Kous head who hissed delighted.

Wandering through the tall grass, Kou was constantly telling her about stuff that he encountered on his way to their tent or the stuff he wanted to do today.

Y/N listened intently, knowing that the little one loved to talk to someone other than his mother.

“And I stole some extra chicken, but don’t tell Mama.” he hissed while bouncing up and down on her hand.

“Don’t worry, your chicken secret's safe with me.” Y/N grinned, before she turned around the next big tree to see the waterfall from afar.

“Ready to go for a little swim?” smiling down at the white snake he seemed surprised.

“You don’t wanna draw first?” he asked back, pointing with his tail at her bag.

“No, let’s have some fun instead.” placing her bag onto the ground next to a few rocks, Y/N took a last look around before she started to undressed herself until she was just in her underwear.

-

“So, you found … basically nothing? Just a bunch of theories what she may or may not be?” Kylo scoffed annoyed while brushing his hair back.

“Well… we at least could eliminate a lot of what she couldn’t be. Definitely no vampire, werewolf, snake person or a shapeshifter. Same with merpeople, otherwise she would’ve known a long time ago. Sadly we don’t have any access to the ministry's register...” Finn mumbled, while listing all the things they had found out so far.

“You missed changeling, in the list of what she could be. In europe we had lots of them.” Rey was leaning against a pole at the entrance. “Didn’t I make it very clear that you should keep away?!” Kylo screamed at her but Rey only rolled her eyes.

“Your precious mate isn’t here right now, so calm your balls. Besides she is my friend too and I want to help her.” the smaller werewolf defended herself.

Phasma laid a hand on Kylos shoulder and for a moment he only growled before he closed his eyes and nodded slightly.

“Fine… and what exactly is a changeling?”

“The child of a fairy. Fairies often replaced a human child with their own so it had a better chance in the world and to rescue their bloodline.” she slowly explained and sat down with them.

“Some never find out what they really are and live their lives as normal humans. Or find out very late just like Y/N. It’s better if she finds it out now than later.”

Kylo bit his lower lip while listening to Reys words and automatically started to bounce with his leg.

“If she really is a fairy … how can we find that out?”

“Well… that depends on what kind of fairy she is...”

“Oh for fucks sake, how many are there?!”

“I’ll look it up.” Poe nodded and already started to type down on his laptop.

-

Slithering around her body, Kou seemed to have a fabulous time, while Y/N was just floating on the cool surface of the water.

“Do you think I can catch a fish?” the snake asked excited and looked down into the water.

“I think you are still a little too small for that.” she giggled in response and scratched the snake under his tiny chin.

“I’m not small! I’m still growing! I will be big and strong like Jörmungandr!”

“The world serpent? Of course you will my Darling. I have no doubt about it.” picking him out of the water she brushed over his scaled body.

“Can we go and see if a treasure hides behind the waterfall?”

“You really listen too many of Poe's pirate stories…” she sighed with a grin but still started to swim towards the waterfall when the ground suddenly started shaking.

“Earthquake?” the small snake hissed scared but Y/N shook her head while holding him close.

“No, it sounds more like footsteps...” seeing the ripples that the rhythmic rumbling did to the water, gave Y/N goosebumps.

Quickly diving into the water she swam under the waterfall to find a small cave behind it. Her whole body started to tremble and she wasn’t even able to say if it was from the cold in this cave or the supposed footsteps that seemed to come closer and closer.

Kou wanted to say something but she quickly held close his little snout.

“Shhh...”

Trying to listen closer, a dark shadow suddenly appeared in front of the wall of water. Since she was shivering so much, it was easy for Kou to slip through her fingers and back into the water, his curiosity getting the best of the little snake.

“No, Kou don’t!” Y/N shout whispered but the snake had already made it’s way past the waterfall.

“Hello friend!” she could hear a little hiss before a loud roar echoed through the whole forest.

Pressing her hands onto her ears, Y/N waited until it stopped a tear slowly streaming over her cheek.

“K...Kou?” even her voice was shaking.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N shut her eyes for a moment before she counted to five and jumped back into the water to look for her little friend.

Swimming back through the waterfall she quickly brushed the water out of her eyes, until she gasped at the creature that was standing in front of her.

-

“... Shadow Fairies, Thunder fairies, Gold fairies, Flower fairies, Animal fairies-”

“Okay stop!” Kylo mumbled defeated, exhausted from the long list poe was reading out to them.

“This is getting us nowhere if we don’t even know if she really is one or not.”

“But it would suit her.” Phasma chuckled lightly.

“Mhmm kind of ...” a light smile was tugging on Kylos lips when he thought about it until he suddenly sat up and took a whiff of the unfamiliar scent he was smelling, mixed with Y/Ns sweet scent.

“You smell that too, bitten?”

“Sure do...” she nodded her brows knitted in concentration until the rumbling footsteps brought the ground too shaking.

Sprinting outside Finn and Poes tent, Kylo changed into his wolf form to quickly make his way towards the bending trees that were announcing the approach of something big.

Stopping at the edge of the circus he saw Y/N who was slowly walking backwards, apparently leading whatever was coming their way.

“It’s okay, just a little more and we are home!” she called over and Kylo got a glimpse of glowing eyes.

“What the hell is that?” the others had caught up to him and were staring at the situation in front of them.

“No no, it’s okay. Nobody will hurt you here I promise.” taking a few more steps back, the creature slowly walked out between the trees.

“Definitely an Animal Fairy...” everyone suddenly agreed and Kylo only sighed while he looked at the creature that was at least 19 feet tall.

“Mama, look! We made a new friend!” Koh was already calling to Phasma.

“I can see that, sweety.” the blonde woman nodded but watched the whole scene with suspicion.

Suddenly the gigantic creature let out a loud roar before he leaned down his head so Y/N could reach and pet him.

With a chuckle she leaned against it’s big head and brushed through the grey fur before she noticed the others.

“Hey is the director here? Trico is hurt and needs medical attention.” she called over and Kylo nodded to Rey who made her way to the directors caravan.

“So his name is Trico?” he asked his girlfriend who nodded.

“Short for Toriko, I guess it’s more like the name of his species, but he was okay with this name.”

Slowly approaching them Kylo took a closer look at Trico. First he thought it was some kind of griffin or chimera, but he seemed like a complete different hybrid type.

“Hey big guy. What is your problem?” seeing the broken horns on the creatures forehead and the distraught state of his wings he could guess.

Kylo laid his big hand on the creatures head who let out a loud purr. 

“Does he have a family? Because I’m not sure if he can stay with us...” Kylo explained to Y/N who was immediately pouting.

“That should be fine, a shrinking rune and he can travel with us.” the director was standing behind them and inspected the big bird cat.

Trico flicked with his ears and squinted his eyes in relaxation.

“He is happy to not be alone anymore.” Y/N spoke the silent words of the creature that only she could understand.

“Would you stay here with him? We will prepare food, medication and a place for him to rest.” the director laid a hand on Y/Ns shoulder and she nodded with a smile.

“Sure, he is good company. Right Trico?”

Letting out another quieter roar the big creature rolled on his side. 

“Kylo follow me. You others help Sadie prepare his food. She should know what to do.” the director ordered and everyone scattered.

“I heard about your little research meet up this morning.” the tall director looked down at the werewolf.

“Did you know she wasn’t human?”

“Of course. After careful research. Even though she didn’t know herself and believed to be a human, I was first against it, but I trusted your and your friends decision, so you better not disappoint me. We had enough conflicts in the past.”

“Y/N would never do something that would harm us.” Kylo defended her and the tall Director nodded.

“That was my impression of her. Especially now that she is showing her real potential.” “So what is she exactly?” 

“An animal fairy wasn’t so far off from what she is. But her specialty seems to lie with our kind rather than normal animals. That is why Kou can speak with her but the other snakes can’t. That is also why this Toriko seaked her out. They don’t trust easily, because others will try to steal their horns and disable them. You can be proud of her.”

“I am.” Kylo smiled.

“Good, because I think she will make this group grow very fast if she finds a creature in every city.” the director laughed.

-

Tags: : @kyloren-supreme-ben​​   @celestiaelisia​​ @sdavid09​​  @ayatimascd​​ @acunningstargazer​​ @agirlwithlonelymusic​​ @ev3e​​

[bangtanfancamp]

The one where Jungkook makes you coffee

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•jungkook x reader , taehyung x reader

•3.7k words

• fluffy angst? Slice of life, slow burn, vaguely smutty... sort of? Not really? If you squint upside down?

• Le first part, le second part, le third part, le fourth part, le fifth part, le sixth part, le seventh part, le eighth part, le ninth part

•part 9 of an on going drabble series where our lovable jungkookie meets the girl of his dreams, but can’t have her because she’s his best friend’s girlfriend

What if you met the perfect person at the worst possible time?

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“Hey, do you need anything?”

Jungkook’s voice gently shook you from your reverie.

You were laying on your belly on the carpet on his guest room floor, feet swaying in the air, thoughts lost to world before his voice cracked through the shell of silence around you. For the first time, you became aware of how you were positioned and nervously wondered if your pajama shorts were hiked up a bit too high at the moment. Regrettably, if they were, there wasn’t anything you could do about the indecency now. Adjusting them would only draw attention to your overly perky butt. Best to stay still then. Maybe he wouldn’t notice….

“Oh. Yeah, I’m fine,” You lied, trying to hide the melancholy in your eyes. “Thank you...for asking.” you tried a close mouthed smile, and Jungkook noticed it didn’t make it to your eyes.

“Okay, well… let me know if you do?” Hands in his pockets, he pivoted toward the bathroom across the hall, leaving you with your thoughts. You repositioned yourself and sat up on your shins, trying to shake yourself out of your current mood and tugging down your pastel cotton shorts a little.

You went to leave the guest room, trying to escape the hallway before jungkook left the restroom, but instead, the two of you wound up awkwardly bumping into each other. Neither of you were looking up in an attempt to avoid the other’s eyes and had crashed because of it.

“Oof, my gosh. Sorry! That’s on me. I was just- I... haven’t eaten yet. So I was just gonna head to the kitchen,” you fiddled with the hem of your T-shirt as you rambled your apology.

“Hey, no that was on me. I can cook you something, if you like?” His sweet eyes were so big and earnest. You hated to turn him down.

“No,.... no, you don’t have to go to all that trouble. I’m probably just … gonna make some tea or coffee or something.... oh, I can get some for you too if you like? I should have asked. I’m sorry” Where was your head today? You felt so scattered, and your voice sounded so strange to you. Did you always sound so spacey?

“You know, coffee’s not actually food, y/n. You haven’t been eating very much lately,” he let the observation slip before he realized what he was doing. Your large beautiful eyes darted startled up to his at being caught.

“Have I not? Sorry. I’ve been so distracted lately. There’s a lot going on….. Just, haven’t had much of an appetite, I guess” you tried to shrug it off and hoped he’d leave it alone- you honestly hadn’t been aware of that particular side effect- but the soft concern in his eyes told you otherwise. You were shocked that he noticed.

“Well, if you’re gonna make either one, yeah. I’d love some. I’m just gonna be doing some editing in my room.” He smiled at you. It was warm but subtle, like he was trying not to scare you away.

“Okay… but I don’t know how you take them though.”

“Cream and sugar for both. I’ve always liked sweet things.” Came his casual response as he rounded the corner. Somehow his words made you blush.

-

Jungkook was- well, he was wonderful. Point blank. That’s all there was too it. It was particularly unhelpful. The thought haunted you as you hugged your arms around yourself and made your way into the kitchen. There was no point going down that rabbit trail again, best to find something else to think about. When you entered the room, you noticed a plate on the far counter covered in foil with a sticky note on top that read,

Y/n, please enjoy if you get hungry.

What was this? Peeling back the foil, you found strips of crisp bacon and fluffy scrambled eggs awaiting you. They were cold now- they’d clearly been here for a while. You glanced at the clock and realized it was almost noon. You’d heard jungkook get up hours ago, but hadn’t really thought anything of it. He was an early riser and you had an evening rehearsal schedule. This was the new normal for you...But clearly, he’d been thinking about you this morning. While you’d been holed up in his guest room trying to unremember how improbably perfect his jawline was, he’d been hoping to see you. Gosh, you were so dense. Had you really been lost in your own head that long?

You looked back over your shoulder toward his room and felt your first real smile in days twist it’s way across your lips. He really had noticed the dip in your eating. And he’d sought to take care of you before you’d even admitted it to yourself. You couldn’t remember the last time someone had done something so small but so sweet for you. For some reason, your eyes began to glaze at his simple act of care.

As you went to warm up the food, something in your chest felt lighter. You felt special, you felt seen. Something in your belly sparkled and lit up and instead of fighting it this time, you let it spread through you.

You had been determined to try to see jungkook only as a friend. To keep your affections for him sequestered in a small platonic bubble. You would have to see him, have to be around him, but you thought it all would be simpler if you tried to trick yourself into viewing him as a brother. You had to.

Jungkook was incredibly handsome but he was also beyond sweet. He seemed to have a soft spot for you- he always seemed to keep an eye out to make sure you were comfortable or okay. He was attentive and kind with his wide, innocent eyes. He made it so easy to love him. Which meant you had to work extra hard to keep yourself and your wild heartbeat under control around him.

You pulled your legs up to cross your ankles Indian style in front of you as you settled in the small dining area in his kitchen. His particular unit had the loveliest view of the trees in the neighborhood. You propped your chin in one hand as you gazed out the window and crunched your first slice of bacon.

Coexisting with both boys was the most bizarre minefield. It was great that Taehyung hadn’t picked up on the chemistry between you and jungkook but at the same time, it honestly made you feel ignored just as much as it felt like you were lying to him. You hadn’t acted on any of your feelings. Not at all. But the fact that they even existed at all made you feel treacherous. And that made it impossible for you to be your normal self around your Taehyung. So you’d done the only thing you could think of to protect both of them- withdraw.

But unfortunately, it just made you feel like everything was eating you alive. You couldn’t focus in rehearsals or at dinner or even when you were driving- attempting to manage the ferocity of these feelings for Jungkook was a full time job with no pay and zero benefits. Except for moments like these- when he was sweet and thoughtful- and even though it should have made it worse, you finally felt like you could breathe a little.

The problem with Jungkook was that despite the feral, chemical way your body reacted to his- that’s not all this connection was. His heart always seemed to search for ways to make you comfortable and put you at ease, and it worked because he was good at it. He was attentive- he caught every detail of everything and tried to cater to you.

When you were exhausted and frustrated with not being able to memorize your lines but Taehyung wanted to go out to eat, jungkook would offer to cook dinner so everyone was taken care of. When you’d check out in conversation or he could tell the topic made you uncomfortable , Jungkook would make a joke about something you liked to slowly draw you back into the present with that pretty smile of his. He made sure you and Taehyung’s bedding was extremely soft so you were always comfortable and always asked if you needed anything. He even kept your favorite juice stocked in his fridge for Pete’s sake- and you’d never told him what it was. He’d figured it out on his own. And his eyes…. his gorgeous, perceptive eyes were always, always on you. They didn’t miss anything.

You could feel them sear through you when you entered the room, feel the back of your neck tingle when you turned away and he thought you couldn’t see him anymore. But you knew…. you always knew. You felt it. A few times you were careless, intentionally wearing a dress that you knew hit your curves well or letting your hair tumble down when you were around him, setting little traps to see if your suspicions were right. Secretly hoping his eyes would catch that too.

And my god, he always did. His cheeks would flush a decadent scarlet when you’d catch him, eyes darting away as you stifled the prideful smile that tried to paint its way onto your lips. You needed to stop that. But it felt so good to know you affected him that way. Especially since he got to you the way he did.

But at the end of the day, it was still his kindness that affected you the most deeply. Just like it had this morning. You pushed off from the table once you’d finally finished and made your way over to the coffee maker. You should bring him a cup. One cup of Joe wouldn’t do you in, right? It was the least you do since he was letting you both stay with him while this funk you were in made you such a horrible house guest.

The sultry brew began to percolate as you put your dishes away. Once the pot was done, you went to pour both your mugs of coffee. You wandered down the hall, your bare feet quiet on the hardwood.Lost in your musings on the situation, you forgot to knock since Jungkook always left his door open anyway, and wandered in on silent feet.

“Jungkook, I brought you some-“ and a shriek ripped its way from your chest. There- in the middle of his room-,stood a half naked Jeon Jungkook, halfway through lifting his shirt up over his head. In your panic, you’d jumped and both cups of hot coffee poured themselves down the front of your shirt, causing your second scream in less than 30 seconds. You were a complete mess.

“Oh my god! Are you okay?” Jungkook's doe eyes were even larger than usual with panic.

“I’m so sorry! I am so sorry.” Your eyes were scrunched shut as your fists clutched the two empty mugs for dear life. He was-beautiful. My god, how could anyone be sculpted like that? You’d known he was in good shape but god. Warn a girl.

“For what? You didn’t do anything. Are you hurt? Did that burn you?” He was by your side in an instant, tugging at the hem of your shirt that was plastered to your body with dark hot coffee.

“What? Oh… I’m fine. No, I’m just… so sorry. I should’ve knocked. I didn’t mean to invade your privacy and-“ you rambled, eyes darting everywhere but at his body.

“Hey.” Jungkook’s forefinger crooked beneath your chin and lifted it toward him. “Look at me. It’s okay. I’m so used to living alone, I didn’t even think about it. That’s on me. But we’ve got to get you out of this, okay? Yeah?” He searched your eyes, his own soft with comfort.

You nodded feebly. He went to remove the mugs from your hands that you realized you were still white knuckling and placed them gently on his side table. You regrettably realized he was still shirtless. It was impossible to miss the breadth of his shoulders or the way his torso tapered down to that slim waist, how his narrow hips disappeared beneath his sweatpants .... God help you. You hadn��t needed a first hand view. You were all ready hanging on by a thread as it was.

“Here, tug this off okay? I’ll grab something else for you. Just hold on. And I won’t look.” Jungkook promised as he dashed to rifle through his set of drawers. He rummaged around with his back to you, as your eyes hungrily drank in the expanse of his muscular back.

No. Stop it.

You internally snapped at yourself before stuttering out loud “No it’s okay..I’ll be fine. I just-“

“Nonsense.” Jungkook interrupted. “Tae started doing laundry this morning before he left, so I know for a fact that all your other clothes are currently sloshing around in the washing machine.”

Well crap.

“So snatch that wet thing off so we can get you dry okay?” He seemed determined, and with a heavy sigh of resignation, you finally agreed.

“Fine.” You mumbled, soft and a bit pathetic. It just wasn’t your morning so far.

“Ahh! Here it is.” Jungkook snatched something triumphantly out of his drawer and waved it over his head. Promptly turning on his heel, he marched toward you, his free hand covering his eyes and presented it to you. “Here, it's super oversized. It’s long on me, so it might drown you, but it’ll cover you know, everything.” His smile was a little lopsided. It was boyish and adorable, the pride he took in caring for you.

“Okay. Can you um…” you cleared your throat. You didn’t know how to ask him to turn away.

“Oh! Gotcha! Sorry.” It was his turn to scrunch his eyes shut, palms outstretched with the beige shirt for you. Once your were sure he wasn’t looking, (you waited and checked) you gingerly peeled your wet top off, checking to see if the coffee had stained the lavender lace of your bralette beneath. You sighed in relief when you realized it hadn’t. It didn’t fit perfectly, but it was your prettiest and your favorite so at least something went right today.

Snatching the dry shirt from jungkook's hand, you immediately whipped it over your body in one deft swoop, finally able to breathe at least a little bit. The shirt was massive on you, it dangled almost to your cavles. But he was right, everything was covered. You tried not to think about how it felt to be in his clothes. The shirt was so cozy, so soft. The sweet soapy fragrance of it smelled so much like him that it was like being wrapped up in the tactile version of how he made you feel. Your panicked little heart was having a hell of a time trying to keep up with all this.

But you were covered and coffee free. Crisis averted? Satisfied as one could be under the circumstances, you cleared your throat again. When he didn’t respond, you tapped him gently on his bare shoulder, whispering a soft, “it’s your turn to get dressed now.”

Jungkook blushed, seemingly realizing for the first time that he wasn’t fully dressed. You, however, were still painfully aware that his glorious, honeyed upper half was still very much exposed.

“Crap, I’m so sorry,” he chuckled guiltily. He bolted to his closet, immediately throwing a black oversized hoodie over his grey sweatpants. It was a more attractive look than it should have been.

You noticed that jungkook seemed a bit squirmy and nervous now that the crisis had been abated. You figured maybe it was because there wasn’t really anything to talk about now… that’s why you were quiet….

But Jungkook was being quiet because he had, in fact, snuck a peak your way when you were changing. He’d told himself it was just for science. To make sure the beverage hadn’t actually burned you- because you honestly were stubborn enough to act fine when you were actually hurt- but boy, did he bite off more than he could chew.

Your belly was splattered with a few angry red splotches, but nothing that looked too serious . The rest of you, however, was serious as a heart attack.

Your breasts were soft and full and threatened to spill over the edges of whatever that pale purple thing you were wearing was. He loved the little way your waist dipped and curved out beneath your ribs, the soft arc of your tummy…. he wanted to stamp a kiss to your hip bone right above your pink shorts. Something about your body was so sweet and inviting- just like you. Your skin looked softer than velvet and he’d have given anything then just to press his cheek against it and sink his fingers into it.

Did all girls look like that? Or was it just you?

Kookie had been with other girls before. Granted it had been awhile, but it had happened. But he’d been less bold then. He wasn’t fully comfortable with himself yet at the time, so out of respect, he’d never let his eyes linger any one spot too long hoping they’d do the same for him.

The shy kid he was then was so shocked that he was even with a girl that he never took the time to savor it. He just wanted to indulge before she changed her mind. He never wanted to push too far. He’d been in a few clumsy, chaotic sessions over the years- pawing at one another’s clothes in the darkness searching for skin, lips being bitten, breath heaving hard, but he couldn’t remember a single girl who’d inebriated him like you did- and you weren’t even trying. If anything, you were hiding from him. You….This was different. You were different . He hadn’t even touched you yet, and he was already completely unraveling.

And here you were, midday, in his room, wearing his favorite T-shirt and looking at him with these big lost eyes and he couldn’t stand it. God, he wanted to kiss you. He felt his eyes lingering on your lips. He should have tried harder to hide it, but at this point, he was honestly just tired. He didn’t know how to act around you, and he was exhausted with the effort.

“Thank you… and for um, for breakfast too.” you mumbled softly. You’d caught the way he was looking at you, felt how much it unnerved and excited you. You let your eyes drift down to the soggy shirt you still clutched as you smiled.

“Breakfast?” His brows quirked.

“Yeah, the eggs and the bacon? The plate in the kitchen?” You explained, but his eyes seemed void of recognition.

“I didn’t…. cook anything this morning. I just had cereal. I offered to make you something remember? But you said no.”

“Then who…?”

No.

And that’s when realization struck you- taehyung had made you breakfast. And you’d given Jungkook the credit. Oh no. You could cry.

“Oh.” Jungkook realized it about the same time as you. “I heard him in there this morning. Told him bye right before he left- that’s how I knew about the laundry. But yeah, he must have left that for you. I… didn’t see it.”

It was silent then. Jungkook shoved his hands in the pouch pocket of his hoodie, a muscle tensing along the corner of his jaw. He felt a little sick. Your eyes fell away from him, thick lashes fluttering as you tried to reconcile your assumptions with reality. Somehow, this was worse.

With the building tension between you temporarily snuffed out and a whole new host of things to worry about, you sighed heavily, dropping your shoulders and looking up at jungkook. His face was stormy and troubled beneath his thick wavy bangs, and you decided to take that moment to offer you both a platonic olive branch.

“Hey, do you wanna come to the kitchen with me and try this coffee thing again? I think my day could use a re- do… how bout you?” Your smile was small then, but hopeful.

“I think ... I’d really like that.” The side of his mouth quirked up, eyes softening. “But I’ll make the drinks this time. You’re dead if you spill anything on my favorite shirt.”

“Deal?” You held out your hand, and tentatively, he took it. His was strong and rough and it swallowed yours, but you suppressed your internal reaction.

“Deal,” he whispered in a soft breath. Though the breakfast thing with Taehyung continued to tumble around in his head. All of this was way easier when he felt like he loved you more than Tae did. That you were more right for him. But as he followed you through the living room, he started to realize that maybe he didn’t love you more than Tae did…. Maybe he just loved you differently.

He’d assumed Tae didn’t love you enough to pay attention to the details, but apparently, he did. Maybe he just took care of you in his own way. Jungkook didn’t know how to feel about that. Caring for you was his only “advantage” in a way, he’d thought. It was the thing he was best at, so he didn’t know how to feel about being one upped. It troubled him as he passed along behind you, unaware of the revelations you were having just a few feet away.

Once you’d both made it back to the kitchen, you got settled and propped up cozily at his dining table while he busied himself with the coffee machine. You mulled over what to say now. With the clarity you’d gained a few moments ago, you realized that maybe a change of tactics was in order. Once Jungkook sat down across from you, a sudden boldness swept over you. You went it with it before you lost your follow through-

“Kookie? I need to tell you something. And it’s gonna sound crazy, but I need you to listen to me, all the way to the end okay?” You began. His curiosity was piqued at your mood shift.

“Okay,” he shrugged his shoulders lightheartedly, but your gaze was serious.

“I’m serious, Kookie. Promise me.” you said solemnly.

“Okay…. promise.” He bobbed his head in agreement, now extremely intrigued. You licked your lips and braced your courage, stumbling at first.

“Kookie… jungkook, I....” you cleared your throat, your next words getting hitched and caught.

“I like you.”

His heart stopped.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Continue

[etherealreveri]

➶ MRS. KIM ➶ CH 9

⦁ ⦁ ⦁ MRS. KIM MASTERLIST  ⦁ ⦁ ⦁

You’ve been looking forward to today since Junmyeon got off the phone with you a few days ago. You both have been busy at it finishing paperwork and errands so you could spend the latter half of the day not having to worry about work the next day. You finished earlier in the day and spent the remainder of the time preparing for Junmyeon since he planned on staying the night at the hotel with you. You cleared your schedule, had your nails done and Margie prepare a light dinner. 

Junmyeon’s plane landed about half an hour ago, but he said he needed to go back to his house to drop his things off and grab some stuff so you were just sitting out on the balcony drinking some juice while waiting for him. 

It's been over a month, close to two since Junmyeon re-entered your life and you weren't sure where your life was heading with this but you can't help that be happy he chose to come back to you. Junmyeon was a little busier now that he is taking over his father's business but you wish you both were able to go out on dates because it seems you both were just meeting up in his house, or the hotel. You kept quiet though, he was a busy man and you took whatever time you could with him. It was crazy though because your parents know nothing of this relationship and you've just never got around to talking with them because they are also working around the hotel. 

A knock on the door makes your heart jump. You run to the door and peek through the peephole, slight disappointment but you shrug it off... You let Margie in and she follows you to the balcony. 

"Thank you, Margie," you pulled her into a hug. "You are always there for the rescue." 

"No problem sweetie. Also," she heads to the cart and pulls something from under the cart cloth. "I know you wanted the French rose, but I snuck out this gem for you," she hands you a black and gold bottle. "Roulette Wine imported from Spain."

"Where did you get this?" you twist the bottle around to admire the gold lettering. 

"You parents stash a few of their special wines in the corner and with the way Myungsoo was telling me how you were acting, I assume you're having someone special come tonight," your face gets warm and you clear your throat. 

"Sh!" You bring your finger to your mouth. "If you see my parents, don't tell then anything okay? I'm waiting for the right time to tell them about all of this," you stick out your pinky. She brings her pinky in. "Promise. Let me know if you need anything else, I’m going to be up late tonight.” Nodding, you help walk her out to the door. Taking a deep breath you turn around and lean with your back against the door. You flash a slight smile and hold your hand up to your chest.

-----

“Special Delivery!” Recognizing the voice you jump from the corner of your balcony in excitement and run towards the door, on the way you check your hair and flip it behind you. You swing open the door and Junmyeon is standing there with a large bouquet of roses. Without a second thought, you attack him with a hug, almost knocking him over and making him drop the roses. Junmyeon just laughs and squeezes you a big hug before you unhook yourself from him. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey gorgeous, I missed you,” he places a light kiss on your lips. 

“Sorry,” you laugh as you pick up the bouquet, “I got a little too excited,” he shakes his head and grabs the large bag beside him. He sets the bag down and takes off his jacket as you go behind the counter to retrieve a vase for the bouquet. Junmyeon comes behind you and slips his hands around your waist, his chin rests on your right shoulder. 

“Yes?” you turn to where his face is resting. He closes his eyes and smiles, “Just a few seconds,” you both stay in that position for a few minutes while you both slightly swayed back and forth. “I feel much better,” he stands up and pops his neck. 

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he pokes around on the knick-knacks you have on the kitchen counter. “You know ..” 

“Know what?”

“Nothing,” he shakes his head. “Come here, I have something for you. I had a friend make something for us while I was on a business trip,” he comes around and has you sit in front of him. Reaching into the bag, he pulls up two outfits. You cover your mouth and laugh. 

“What?” he laughed. “I didn’t know you were into stuff like this …”

“Do I not seem like the type to wear things like this?” you shake your head and grin. Couple pajamas. This was surprising to you, back when you both first began dating Junmyeon declared that he detested couple outfits because he said it was too much in people’s faces but since these were pajamas and no one would really see them, it was okay

Your heart almost drops when you look back up, Junmyeon was taking off his shirt and when he locks eyes with you he grins. “Like what you see?” 

“Um,” you clear your throat. “A-Are you changing now?” Junmyeon nods. “Time to wind down,” he winks. 

 “I’ll go change in th-”

“You’re fine changing in here, I won’t pounce on you … just yet.”  

“Very funny,” you grab the zipper up behind your shirt and unzip it halfway until it gets stuck with a piece of your hair. You squeeze your eyes closed and mentally slap yourself for having to inconvenience him. Peeking behind your shoulder you see Junmyeon folding up his clothes.  “Um, Junmyeon?”

“Yeah, what's up?” you turn around and smile. “Help?” He sets his phone on the couch and walks around the coffee table, you gather the rest of your hair that isn’t stuck and twirl it up so the rest of your hair wasn’t in the way. As he was de-tangling your hair from the zipper, his fingers made contact with the back of your spine and chills ran down your back each time his finger brushed against your skin. 

“Thanks,” after you finish dressing yourself you tell Junmyeon to go ahead and head outside while you use the restroom. You skip to the bathroom and close the door leaning against the door you cup your face between your hands. You splash some water onto your face and slap on some lotion, you stretch a bit and mumble to yourself as you walk out. Since you were mumbling to yourself you didn’t notice that the lights were off and the lamps were turned on, it took you a few seconds to notice. 

“What … Jun-” there were rose petals scattered loosely towards the balcony. You follow the trail and find Junmyeon standing with his back to you. 

“What is this?” you asked. He turns around and grabs your hand, taking you to the sofa bed in the corner. He sits you down and sits next to you, he pulls his hands up and caresses your cheek. 

“I’ve thought long and hard about this during my trip. As cliche as this sounds I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I was not focused because you were on my mind so much,” he sighs. “I know we’ve only recently begun to rekindle our relationship but let's be honest, I feel like I'm aging and if I don’t do this I may regret it for the rest of my life,” he lets go of your hand and reaches for his pocket. At that moment your heart stopped and the rest of what happened seemed like such a blur for you. 

“There’s something about you that seems to melt all my troubles away, and- I, you make me forget my troubles and make me feel … what do the kids today say now and days? Butterflies in my stomach or make me feel all warm? Something like that?” you laugh. He opens the box and pulls out the ring. “Will you make me the luckiest man alive?” 

“Sorry, I just blanked out,” you laugh. Heart thumping you take a deep breath and nod your head. “Of course,”  he takes the ring out of the box and places it onto your finger. He brings you into a hug and kisses your forehead. You close your eyes the moment he does and places your hand on your chest. 

“What's wrong?”   

“What are we going to do?” you play with the ring on your finger.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m honestly still a bit shocked about what just happened, I-” your pull your hands away from his and tuck your hair behind your ears. “I haven’t told my parents about our past, I’m busy with my hotel and you are busy with yours and your father's company in general,” you look up and lock eyes with him. “Junmyeon, your dad still doesn’t like me or approve of me … he never did and I don’t know if he will now becaus-”

“Sh,” he quiets you down and begins rubbing the back of your hands. “One step at a time, if you want to, we can keep this between the two of us until we figure things out. Okay? Here,” he hands you the box, “You can put the ring here for now, until things are figured out. Come here,” he stands up and scoots you to the back of the couch and you both lay down deep into the cushions. 

You know, “I had a dream last night,” Junmyeon mumbled. 

“Oh yeah?’ looking up at him you could see him smiling like crazy. “What?” you laughed. “What is it? Why are you smiling like that.” 

“It was so vivid that it looked like it was happening in real life,” Junmyeon described how he dreamt of the wedding you both were having and when it was time for your father to walk you down the wedding aisle, you kept making a sour face like you were constipated and then tripped and fell breaking your arm and you both ended up having the wedding at the hospital. He continued on saying after that it suddenly flashed to where you both had kids running around in a beach house and mentioned Junmyeon Jr and how you had two sets of twins and a set of triplets, you sit up and stop him. 

“Woah, listen here buck-a-roo ...” you sit up and cross your arms in front of you. “First and foremost, I want a girl first, second, tell your boys to calm it down because I am not popping out 2 sets of twins and a set of triplets.”   

“I can’t help it that my boys can swim~” he makes a swimming gesture with his hands. You slap his arm. 

“Junmyeon.”

“Hm?”

“As romantic as that sounds, we forgot about the food and it's probably cold now,” you yawn and draw circles on his chest. “You’ve had a long day, aren’t you hungry?” 

“I told you, I’m hungry for something else cupcake.”

“Cupcake?” you laugh. “Is that my new name now?” 

“Cupcake, Boo-thang, Bae, Honey … what do you like?” 

“Up to you,” you shrug. You stand up and step off of the couch bed, “My legs are feeling numb and I think my arms asleep-I need to stretch a bi--ahhh~!” he pulls you down below him. 

“I told you that I’m hungry.” 

“So am I,” you slide right under him to the food sitting on the table. You slide the tray to the couch and lick your lips. “Dumplings and lobster soup. Her-” you turn around to find him right next to you. He opens his mouth to speak but you stick the spoon in his mouth. “Good isn’t it?” 

“I want something else,” he looks at your lips. You clear your throat and stuff a roll of bread in your mouth. Smiling you stuff his mouth with bread too. He takes the spoon for you and picks up the bowl of soup, “Here.”

You take a good look at Junmyeon and analyze his features. He still looks as good as he did when you first meet but you could see faint lines forming from the stress and the bags under his eyes forming, his eyes looked so tired. He looked so worn out. 

“Junmyeon, finish eating the rest of that. I’ll be back.” 

“Wait,” he grabs your wrist. “Come eat with me,” you shake your head at him. “You eat it, I’m full.” 

Leaving Junmyeon out on the balcony, you make your way to your room and fix up the bed a little bit. You close the curtains to the room and dim the lights in the room, holding up the remote you play a movie in the background. Junmyeon knocks on the door which makes you slightly jump. 

“Come here,” you drag him to the bathroom. “Wash up.”

“You still remember,” he laughs. 

“Of course, how could I forget this was your favorite toothpaste and skincare routine.”

---------------------

The buzzing of your phone on the nightstand slowly awakened you from your slumber. You look back at Junmyeon and removed his arm slowly from your waist. You turn off your alarm and slowly sit up on the edge of the bed. 

Opening the nightstand you open the ring box. You were sure that yesterday night was a dream because it didn’t seem real, you should be happy and giddy about this yet you are questioning yourself on whether or not your answer was just from the heat of the moment. You were still in shock at the thought of his sudden proposal, heck, you were just beginning to get over meeting Junmyeon a few months ago and now you're engaged to the man. You take a quick glance behind you and then return your focus back to the ring.  

Your parents never knew of your past so you would have a whole novel to write for them and Junmyeons dad was not particularly fond of you because of your status … you and Naeun were now engaged too but you didn't know if you should tell her yet or not because you wanted to find time to tell your parents and Junmyeon first before you tackled the path with your best friend. You needed to prepare for the world to know because Junmyeon is well known and is a bit of a celebrity too so news like this will inevitably make it onto the big screen.

"Hey," a groggy Junmyeon sits up and back hugs you. The warmth of his chest on your back sends chills down your spine you turn around. "What are you thinking about?" 

"Nothing much, I’m just zoning out because I just woke up. It's nothing important," you laugh.  

"Come back to bed," he lays back down and takes you with him. You lay on top of him and he squeezes you in a tight hug. "Let's sleep longer." 

"We can't." 

"Well, why not?" 

"We have that photoshoot with Naeun, remember?" 

"I'd rather stay here for another roun-ah ouchhh okay okay," you slap his arm. He laughs and his hand travels up and does your back. 

"Hey," you poked him in the stomach. "I'm going to go ahead and shower first, okay?" You get up and grab your robe when he grabs it from you.

"Real funny, Junmyeon, give it back," you raise your brow and snatch the robe from him, you tie the robe around your waist and proceed to the restroom. “See you in a little bi-" he grabs your wrist and also gets up. "What are you doing?: 

"Let's shower."

"Junmyeon my shower isn’t big enough for both of us to comfortably move.” 

"Yeah, but we're being time-efficient here come on," he drags you into the bathroom with him. You roll your eyes at him and follow him in. 

------

Junmyeon and you arrive at the studio at the same time as Jongin and Baekhyun. Getting out of the car, you all meet up and into the studio. Baekhyun winks at Junmyeon and you. Confused you reach for the 2nd set of doors but Jongin beats you to it and holds it open for you. You stare back at Baekhyun and then to Jongin and then to Junmyeon in which he just shrugs his shoulders. You end up walking in first and then the rest followed in. 

"Did you use it?" You hear giggling behind you. 

“Why?” 

"You did didn't you?" Jongin asks. 

"He totally used it," Baekhyun laughed. 

"Ahem," you clear your throat and enter the shooting room ahead of them. In the room, you meet a bunch of the staff but naeun was nowhere to be found. Baekhyun wasn't paying attention and ran into you, causing you to trip and fall on the ground. Junmyeon playfully pushed Baekhyun and he jokingly fell onto the ground hurt. 

"I'm sorry my queen," he bowed as he got up. You smile, reach up and pinch his cheeks. You hear your name being yelled out behind the props. Naeun comes out screaming with two other girls behind her and attacks you to the ground. 

"I missed seeing your face so much!" 

"Why is everyone attacking her today? I'd like to see her live please," Junmyeon laughed. Naeun and you get up from the ground where she gives you a proper hug. "I thought I was going to die without seeing your face for a week,” she squeezes your cheeks. “I missed your squishy cheeks.” 

"Ahem," Jongin coughed. "Are you going to …" he tilts his head towards the two girls.

“Oh, right,” Naeun stands up with you and straightens out her outfit. "Sorry. Guys, these are my good friends Miyeon and Chorong," and she continues on and introduces all of you to her two friends. "So today you two will be partnering up," she pushes you and Junmyeon together. "Then Jongin will be with Miyeon and Baekhyun will be with Chorong. Jongin and Miyeon will be more focused on the athletic fashion, Baekhyun and Chorong will be the more casual and you two will be in fierce chic. Then we will switch to individuals, cool with everyone?” 

"Okay, that's good with me," Baekhyun smiles and begins to extend his hand to shake Chorongs when you chime in. 

"It’s too bad your girlfriend and your fiance are here to take couple photos with you," you wink at Baekhyun and Jongin, they both stop in their tracks. "Shots fired," Junmyeon laughs. 

"Okay, well. Let's go ahead and get you all into makeup so I can finish last-minute details." 

----

You finish with your makeup first and wander around the set while waiting for instructions on what to do. You pass by a mirror and turned around to get a good look at the outfit. Naeun was a magician, you wouldn’t usually wear something like this but she made it look so good on you. You see a head pop up behind you.

“Hey Jongin,” you scoot to the side of the big mirror so he could also have a look. “Nice outfit.”

“Thanks, yours isn’t so bad yourself. So,” Jongin glanced around. “How are you feeling about last night?” 

“What about last night?” you smiled. “Nothing happened last night, I have absolutely no clue what you are talking about?” you blink a few times at him and then started to walk away. 

“I’m not talking about what you both did last night, I’m talking about the proposal,” you stop in your tracks and pull him to the side. 

“Wait, how do you know? Only Junmyeon and I know,” he rolls his eyes. 

“I know everything,” he sighs. “He’s been hinting about a ring so I figured that's what happened last night. I just want to know if he told you anything.”

“What was he-” you’re both cut off when Naeun yells for your name through a large megaphone. You excuse yourself and go to the set to meet them. 

“Couple shots first,” the photographer yelled out. “You and Junmyeon are up first.”  

“You both look cute!” Naeun yelled. “Get it girl!” 

“I’ve never done this before!” you yelled back. “I’m so awkward!” 

“My boy here’s got you,” she winked. “He is going to work his magic so I’m just going to go check on the others, just be lovey-dovey together and you should be fine, cool?” she disappears to the back. 

“Okay, what now?” 

“Let's start with simple poses,” the photographer comes up and poses you both but since neither of you was models or had much experience with this it became quite awkward. Junmyeon was in some photoshoots for business stuff but had no experience in fashion photoshoots. 

"Find your vibe," the photographer twirls his hand up, "I don't know much about who you both are except that Naeun says you all are good friends of hers but act like you're in love because I can sense the sexual tension between you two," he chimed as he walked back to the camera. 

"Act like we're in love? Fine with me," Junmyeon suddenly pulls you into a hug and you could hear the whole room roaring with screams. "YES HONEY!" The photographer yelled out. "I like a man who is romantic, keep doing lovey-dovey things like that but make sure you can show off the outfits!” 

"You," you pinch Junmyeons cheeks and he steals another kiss from you. "Hey, calm yourself." 

"Little boy? That's not what you-" 

"Sh!” You place a finger on his lips and he just smiles at you. You sit him onto the chair and turn around, facing him, you get on him wrapping your legs around him and wrap your arms around his neck. "Look at the camera," you winked. Junmyeon raises an eyebrow and shrugs. 

"Wow," the photographer looked up after this shot. "I love this, you both seem like naturals … I don’t know what you two were talking about when you said you were awkward.” Junmyeon and you spend the next few minutes finishing up your couple shots and individual shots of the couple outfits. It was strange, you guys never really displayed any kind of affection in front of others so it was a nice change, it didn’t feel like you both were hiding. You both go your separate ways to do a quick change of makeup and outfit while the others were doing their shots. 

---- 

After completing all of the group shots, Naeun had everyone go onto the terrace for a lunch break while she had workers come in to break down sets set up new ones for individuals. Everyone seemed completely opposite from how they were this morning, not in a bad way of course, but everyone seemed more energetic and lively. Baekhyun was still a teeny bit shy towards Chorong even after the shoot but Jongin and Miyeon seemed to hit it off pretty well, it was too bad though that their significant others couldn't come with them … it would have been cuter.  

"Don't think too hard," Junmyeons pinches your cheek. “Here,” he hands you a lunch box and you both sit down next to each other. Junmyeon pulls your hair back behind your ear and you hear coughs beside you.

“Get a room,” a cough comes from Baekhyun as he and Jongin sit next to you two. “Don’t mind them,” Junmyeon laughs. “That little Baekhyun, he’ll see it later.” 

“Naeun,” you waved her over. She walks over to where you all are sitting with her lunch box and sits next to you. 

“Hey.”

“Hey,” everyone else said in unison. Naeun opens up her lunch box and sighs, she uncomfortably shifts in her seat. 

“Is everything okay?” she nods. “Yeah, nothing much. Just business concerns and all, it's also been a really long morning so I’m just tired. No biggy.” 

“Let me know if you need anything okay? I’m very proud of you and I’m sure if you need anything the guys would be happy to help too.”

“Thank you, and thank you all for helping me. I wanted to make this special with close friends and I’m glad you all could help my journey.” 

“Hey, we’re best friends. I’d do anything for you,” you take a sip from the water bottle and happen to glance up at one of the big tv screens on the building behind Junmyeon. All of the color drained from your face you slowly stand up and grip on your bottle. Junmyeon follows your gaze to the news reporter on the big screen and slowly begin standing to view the screen better. Naeun drops her silverware with a cling on the floor causing Jongin and Baekhyun to look up from their lunch boxes and stand up as well. 

Rumor is it that CEO Junmyeon is currently engaged and on the road to marriage. 

-------------

It became silent after the incident on the tv screen, a million thoughts ran through your mind on how the news got around so fast-even you weren’t able to process the night before and now the world knows too. Well, your face was blurred out on the screen but still, this made you even tenser because everything seemed to be caving down. 

“Ah, that's cold.” 

“Still thinking about the news report earlier?” Naeun hands you a glass of water and dims the lights a little before she settles down next to you. 

“Thanks,” you laughed. 

“Don’t think too much on it,” she pulls the blanket on top of you both and grips on her cup. “I’ve been entangled in some myself but they just want to create rumors and scandals to shake you up. I’m sure Junmyeon isn’t engaged to anyone if he is I’ll go teach her a lesson,” she laughs. Naeun takes a sip of her water and sets it down. “Sorry,” she rubs her eyes. “It's been a really long week, I haven’t been able to sleep much so I feel like I'm constantly zoning out. If I just pinch me and I’ll wake right up.”

“I-” you perk up and look around the room. “Where’s …”

“Where’s what?” 

“I think I left my purse in your car,” she turns around and hands you her keys. “Here you go, have at it. You and I are the same person, I’m always forgetting my purse in the car too.”

“Thanks,” you move the blanket off and talk to her as you are walking out. “I have this cream that my mom found that's helped a lot with headaches and stuff, I’ll get you some when I retrieve my purse. Okay?”

“Alright!” you hear her yell out an answer as you close the door. Walking down the steps, you open the car door and grab your purse from the passenger seat when you spot someone waving you down. 

“Hey Jaehyun, are you looking for-”

“Could you please give this to her?” he hands you a box. 

“What is this? Is it for Naeun? You can come in you-”

“She didn’t tell you?” 

“Tell me what?” he sticks his hands in his pocket and looks down. 

"We've been done for some time now, just a week or so after you came back from your break. You know, as close as you two are I'm shocked she didn't let you know right away," you look down at the box and back at him. They broke up? I could have sworn Naeun said he proposed already. 

"What is this?" 

"It's all the things she left at my place the last three years, I'm not coming back here so I thought that I'd return her things to her because I don't have use of any of her things." 

"What happened? And why aren't you coming back here?" 

"I'm moving to New York," he sighs. "Naeun didn't want to do the whole long-distance thing, she had other plans and we just lost our spark, sometimes things don't go the way you want it to and you end up where we are now. Look, I have a flight to catch in a few hours and I just came to drop this off. Thanks for everything you’ve done to help me here if you need anything at all just give me a call. Okay?" 

----- 

“Naeun, this box is labeled to you,” you set your purse on the couch and the box on the table in front of her. 

“Who delivered this?” you shrug. “I’m not sure. A delivery man was dropping it off as I was coming back inside, I just signed it for you so you wouldn't have to come out. It's a pretty heavy box." 

"I see … let's forget about the box, I’ll check on it later,” she scratched her head. “Um, let's talk about you and all that's happened while I was gone because I heard you've had a fun few days." 

"Nah," you fiddle with your fingers. "I've mainly been running here and there for business things, Jongin and Baekhyun took me to a ropes course campground they had set up and Jason invited me to see his friends exhibit since we ran into each other. Nothing much happened other than that." 

"Jason? Isn't that the-" 

"Yeahhh." 

"He seems to really like you, I think he has a crush on you." 

"My parents seem to like him too, he does a lot of good work and they really like him. How about you?" Naeun instinctively rubbed her the ring on her finger. 

"I've had a busy week while I was gone, I talked a lot to my mentor in Paris to get his feedback and did a lot of business errands as well, and Jaehyun and I facetimed every night before we went to sleep. You know, the same old same old ..." she smiled. You think back to the incident earlier and the box that was in front of you, why did she hide the fact that they broke up? How odd was it that the photoshoot happened on the same day he was set to leave New York. Did something happen?

You both told everything to each other, but you couldn't say anything to her yet about the engagement because you also were keeping a secret yourself too. You were sure she was on you about that with the news reporter earlier but your shocked state showed that you weren't aware it was out, she didn’t seem suspicious or anything. You hoped that she caught onto Junmyeon telling everyone it was a rumor because this comes out every year so he said it was nothing new. 

"What's wrong?" she snaps out of her blank stare. 

" Sorry,” she apologized again. “Just tired," she turns around behind her and grabs the remote to dim the lights just a tad more. She brings down the projector to start a movie and you start laughing at the screen. 

"You still have this as your wallpaper?" 

"What?" She laughs. "I think cute, come on, let's watch a movie and sleep here tonight," you both chose a movie and sit back while it plays, the photo that was seen earlier sparked a whole night of reminiscing your earlier days together and embarrassing stories. It wasn't until midnight that you both fell asleep. In the middle of the night, you wake up to grab another glass of water. You lean against the island and look at the magnets she had on the fridge, you chuckle at the photos she had of the both of you pinned under magnets. No matter how many times you’ve seen the photos you still couldn’t help but laugh. You turn around to wash the cup when you see a sample wedding invitation sticking out. 

J + N request the presence of ________ at their wedding on September 28th, 2019. 

She even had the wedding invitation samples made. You wipe your hands off on the towel and look at Naeun sleeping soundly. It seemed like this wedding planning stopped abruptly and maybe she just didn’t have time to tell you. You sigh and slide the wedding invitation back. Naeun was probably stressed about the breakup, that was probably why she seemed so tired. Rubbing your eyes you return back to the couch and fell asleep to the tv. 

---

[a/n] i feel like this chapter may contain a lot or is all over the place, let me know if there is anything i can clarify for you :) 

[princessconsuelapark]

Secrets, Tears and What-ifs - Part 29

Author: Blake (justrainythings) Pairing: Ant McPartlin/Declan Donnelly Word count: 5 994 words Summary: After the Sun outing them and their secret 20-year affair, they have to deal with paparazzi, girlfriends, wives, family and... their feelings for each other. Angst. Fighting. Serious stuff. Yay. :) Part 1 & Part 2 & Part 3 & Part 4 & Part 5 & Part 6 & Part 7 & Part 8 & Part 9 & Part 10 & Part 11 & Part 12 & Part 13 & Part 14 & Part 15 & Part 16 & Part 17 & Part 18 & Part 19 & Part 20 & Part 21 & Part 22 & Part 23 & Part 24 & Part 25 & Part 26 & Part 27 & Part 28

// Chapter on AO3 - er, well... hello, I guess? let's get straight to the point and do this in numbered bulletpoints yay 1. I'm sorry for being shit at updating, but hey, here's a new chapter, how about that?

2. This is my first chance at properly expressing this, so here it is: I'M SO FUCKING INCREDIBLY PROUD OF ANTHONY DAVID MCPARTLIN AND I LOVE AND SUPPORT HIM TO THE MOON AND BACK UNTIL MY DYING DAY AND BEYOND <3 <3

3. This chapter would have never been written if Abiee (@abieeoliver21​) hadn't asked me to include a certain someone - I know it was 8 million years ago, I’m not even sure you’re still reading it, but this is for you, love :)

4. No plot in this chapter, really - just some random (and mostly surface-value) soul-searching stuff and no one really gets to the bottom of anything. Bit of foreshadowing and mentions of stuff to come though haha.

5. I'm so so so SO incredibly thankful to everyone who's still here, who's still reading this, who's still interested, who still makes an effort to comment. Honestly, honestly, cross my heart. Every single person who's waited a minute for this chapter, a couple months, or a few years (god, I'm shit at this). I love you all so much, thank you a million for all your amazingess <3 <3 (also: usual warning for the usual swearing)  //

so because the last update was hundreds of years ago (please don't hate me), it's re-cap time !!

Ant and Dec have been having a secret affair for 20 years, but suddenly they are outed to the whole world, ouch. (To be fair, this is the premise of the fic, so I guess, you all remember that much at least. I mean, I hope so. I know it's been a year, but like... The summary is right there when you click on the bloody thing, yeah? Fuck, it's been a year. Please please don't hate me.)

They fight a lot about stuff - which they never do (scary!) -, while trying to navigate the minefield their personal and professional life has become. It turns out, Dec was quite upset about Ant marrying Lisa, thinking that Ant had given up on him, while Ant was never really conscious of the fact that he was actually in love with Dec.

Now though, Ant had broken up with Lisa, while Dec never really saw the need to do so with Ali (which, let's admit, was not the most eloquent way of handling this, but this fic is about Ant and Dec being in love, so we don't really give a shit about that), so they are both available, but terrified of what that means. Dec even had a couple of emotional, panic attack-like breakdowns (mainly in bathrooms? which is... weird, I guess?) that Ant is fairly concerned about. His family didn't take the news the best way possible. Especially his Mam.

They somehow got through Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and are currently half-way through Saturday, the day of their first live show of Saturday Night Takeaway. They are nervous, but as the show draws closer and closer, and more problems arise, they rely and depend more on each other than ever, defaulting back to their AntandDec-ness (and being very cute, if I might add).

Meanwhile a very old, but quite dramatically disgusting picture of them kissing surfaces suddenly and to push it out of circulation, Ali suggests to wander down to a nearby park and do a pap-walk, so they can provide less awful, and more lovey-dovey, kissing and hand-holding photos for the press. (Oh, and there's this homophobic little woman in the park who calls them out on kissing, but they handle it well, phew.) With that push, it's kind of decided for them and they more or less finally agree that they should be together and "properly date", if you will, although they are still quite shit at the whole having "The Conversation" thing. Ant admits to a few things that he wanted to come clear about (namely a sexual encounter of his with another man), Dec is not exactly sure how he feels about that (apart from unhealthily jealous and possessive).

Currently Ant is not really feeling on top of things, following a visit by Little Ant and a voicemail from his Mam. He mainly just wants Dec, who's left to get tea like ten minutes ago and to be fair, that's already way too much time to spend apart, so.

Dec is leaning on the bar counter in their studio's green room, waiting for their teas to brew, distractedly munching on a Jammie Dodger when she just wonders in. He tries to say something along the lines of 'oh shit', but he's mid-bite and he kind of chokes on a piece of biscuit and consequently starts coughing immediately. He tries to spit the soggy biscuit crumbs into a napkin in the most dignified way possible and she starts laughing at him heartily. And well, Dec really doesn’t appreciate that, despite knowing how ridiculous he must look. He is still concentrating pretty hard on, you know… not dying when she pulls him into a thorough hug.

It’s a long one and it feels like, she’s trying to tell him something with it, he’s just not quite sure what, but nevertheless it’s reassuring in a way that can only come from the familiarity of someone you’ve known a really long time.

'Cat,' Dec finally manages when they come out of the hug, wiping tears from his eyes, still coughing a bit, but breathing a lot more easily now. ‘Hey pet.’

‘You okay, love?’ she asks, tucking a blonde strand behind her ear, laughing again.

He nods and for a moment they just stare at each other in silence because of how impossible the whole thing feels – Cat is here (here in England - and in their green room, of all places!) and well, also, Dec almost just died in a Jammie Dogder-related accident. Maybe he could sue ITV. Where there’s a blame, there’s a claim, he thinks vaguely humorously.

Then Cat says, 'You completely forgot, I was coming, didn’t you.’

And… that, he did.

They set it up weeks and weeks ago – she texted him a couple times and she was coming back home to England for a bit anyway, so they were talking about going out for dinner, the three of them, after the live show, to do a bit of catching up.

But lately they've not really been on top of things, to say the least, and in the chaotic whirlwind of all kinds of pictures in tabloids and their messy fights, Dec’s been feeling like he can only focus on the task that’s directly ahead of him in order to avoid going absolutely crazy.

So, actually, no, he didn’t just forget about Cat coming; it seemed like, setting it up never even happened, or maybe in another lifetime, but definitely not only a few months ago.

Cat is still looking at him, so he simply just nods yes, because they’ve been friends for way too long to lie to her about something like that.

‘We did, I'm so sorry. There's just been some stuff going on and- I mean, it's great that you're here though-’

'It's great that you think that it's great that I'm here,’ Cat interrupts him quickly with a relieved smile. ‘Because I wasn't sure whether I should come or not after all this stuff. I mean, you guys invited me, but you know. All this is happening…’ here she makes a vague motion with her hand implying all this that’s currently happening, ‘But I just thought, you know, I don't come home all that often nowadays, so…'

'No, it's great, I'm honestly chuffed,’ Dec tells her and when he actually thinks about it, he comes to the conclusion that he’s not lying about this at all, not even a little bit; he’s glad that Cat is here. She represents something that’s constant, something that’s still normal in their life. ‘You look great, by the way,' he tells her, making her smile.

She really does. Dec has always kind of been half in love with her from the very first moment and it’s still like that. She’s really pretty – she’s always been, but she looks attractive in a more sophisticated way now –, Dec could die for her long blondish hair (although nowadays it’s more light brown, he notices), she also has a sort of delicate feminineness about her that he’s fascinated by, but at the same time he’s always loved her ever-present crude sense of humour and he knows, she’s always up for a laugh. She looks older than he remembers, but it suits her and – it’s a cliché, but she kind of grew into her face.

'Thanks, darling. I don’t look as great as Ashley Roberts though – I just ran into her outside and wow. Very American,’ she says the last bit like it’s a nasty piece of gossip and Dec loves her for that even more.

Dec laughs. 'Yeah, she is.’ Then he considers it, ‘You’re kinda very American too,' he adds with a playful smile.

‘Shut up,’ Cat says, dismissing him easily with a wave of her hand in a way that says, she’s very much used to this kind of banter. ‘You know what I mean though, she’s just… wow.’

‘She definitely is,’ Dec admits and to be fair, she’s totally Dec’s type. Still, if it ever came to it - if he was not fiercely in love with his best friend, that is -, he would choose Cat over Ashley any day.

'But last I heard, you were taken…' she says and horrifyingly, it sounds like a question, or at least something that Dec should elaborate on, and while the tone is mockingly mischievous, he can’t help but hear a fair amount of caution in it.

Cat doesn’t look sure if she has any business asking about this and Dec… Well, Dec has no idea what he thinks about that. He doesn’t have much experience with talking about relationship stuff and it’s definitely even harder when it comes to his relationship with Ant, because that’s never been something that was openly up for discussion. He has no idea where the lines are, what he feels comfortable sharing.

‘I… Sort of, yeah,’ he manages, and he can’t help, but feel that this uncertainty is kind of a setback, but to be fair, it has been an absolute roller-coaster of day and Dec doesn’t feel like putting much more energy into expressing his inner turmoil more adequately.

Cat raises an eyebrow. She looks hurt, like Dec just said something wrong, something slightly problematic. Dec has no clue why though, so he waits for her to elaborate.

'Come on, Declan, don't do this,’ Cat pleads, her voice strangely high-pitched. ‘I’ve known you for…'

'Oh. It's not- I’m not not telling you, Cat,’ he protests, understanding Cat’s reaction now. ‘It’s just, well, I’m not sure how it works at the minute.'

Cat raises a perfectly shaped, sceptical eyebrow at that. ‘What’s this then?’ she asks, shoving her phone into Dec’s hand and wow, that’s…

‘Weird,’ he says dazedly.

Dec thinks he really should get used to seeing pictures of him and Ant snogging in various locations, posted on the internet, but no, it still comes a shock seeing it so public, so sensationalised. It’s a bit different this time around though, because… Well, he knew about these pictures. He made a conscious (if not entirely free-willed) decision to participate in them; he agreed to do this. It’s the park ones, because of course it’s the park ones, and it feels silly now, but somehow he’s already almost forgotten about them; moved on, anxiously waiting for the next problem, the next catastrophe to survive and apprehensively, very unhealthily fixate on.

He scrolls through the article, flustered, a little bit feeling like he would be very grateful if there was a chair underneath him right now.

He ignores everything that’s written, he just concentrates on the pictures, and that’s already more than enough to deal with - he doesn’t need the shitty tabloid narration of their life on top of it all, thank you very much.

On the first picture they are in the queue for the burger stand, waiting for their food, and he’s looking up at Ant with a sweet, loving smile (‘That’s my favourite - it’s like a wedding picture, isn’t it,’ Cat offers with a concerning amount of enthusiasm, from where she’s plastered to Dec’s back now, looking over his shoulder to see the phone.) Dec thinks that the second one is okay, - it’s just them walking next to each other - up until he realises that they are holding hands on it and… okay. So that’s what they look like when they are holding hands. Interesting.

The next one is the first one to feature a kiss and the phone shakes in Dec’s hand for a second. Strangely, with this one, he’s not too concerned about how it looks (apparently it looks ‘very very cute’, according to Cat), but about the fact that they actually have a picture of their first truly free kiss. One for the grandchildren. Or… something like that.

The ones after that feature them on the bench, eating, kissing, then laughing, then kissing some more and oh, here’s the homophobic woman, shit.

Dec scrolls back up to the top though, because he honestly just can’t deal with that right now and… here he is again, smiling at Ant, looking like he’s happy, proud, carefree and very much in love.

‘Weird,’ he says again.

Cat laughs at him, not mockingly so; it sounds soft and bright. ‘When the whole country is talking about you having an affair with your best friend and you go to a park and start snogging him senseless, then there’s absolutely nothing weird about it ending up on the internet.’

‘No, that’s not what I meant, it’s just so weird to see it like that,’ Dec explains. ‘It was a publicity thing that we did,’ he adds at the end, mumbling distractedly, like a non-too-important disclaimer.

‘Yeah, because that looks just like a publicity thing that you did,’ Cat laughs.

Dec just leaves it at that, and he’s not sure why - maybe he’s just tired of explaining something he doesn’t understand himself, maybe he just doesn’t care that much anymore.

‘I’m sorry it came out- The whole thing, I mean… I’m sorry that it came out like that. It’s not fair. You deserved better,’ Cat says then, much more serious, and Dec looks up.

For a moment he doesn’t know what to say, because for the first time someone actually acknowledged this, someone expressed just how wrong this whole situation is, the fact that someone outed them against their will, poking into their personal life uninvited, (not to say that they are not at fault here, but cheating and lying, those are the crimes they are guilty of, and surely, surely the punishment-like attention for being in an affair that happens to be a gay one, while simultaneously being on television is not fair on any level) and it’s quite overwhelming to hear his own thoughts of injustice directly expressed to him.

In the end he just smiles at her gratefully, ‘Thanks.’

‘But you know. That’s just your fabulous showbiz life, isn’t it? Can’t go anywhere without being recognised, you poor souls. Fame, fortune, sex, money, scandals…! Maybe you should murder someone next. Ooh, or better: have a reality show!’ she teases him and Dec can’t help himself but hit her in the shoulder playfully.

‘Shut up.’

‘Ooor, maybe you should make a sex tape. That would sell well. Let me know if you wanted to. I know some people,’ she offers, mock-serious and looking at him with overly-scandalous eyes, but she can’t keep a straight face for long.

‘Oh, shut your face…’ Dec hits her again.

They laugh like they just said goodbye to each other yesterday, after a long morning of doing SM:TV, and it’s refreshing to be able to have fun with someone who’s not Ant. Maybe takes the pressure off their relationship a bit. Maybe Dec needs reminding sometimes that he’s capable of existence without Ant by his side every single minute of the day, so he can cherish the time that they do spend together even more.

It feels good and easy to be with Cat like that, but in a way it’s also nerve-wrecking, because of what Dec knows is coming next. They are at that point in the conversation. And indeed, although Cat is still smiling at him brightly, her voice turns sincere as she asks in a much quieter voice, 'You two okay?'

Dec sighs. He decides, he’s not so much uncomfortable talking about it, as he just doesn’t have the answers. Because the ‘you two okay’ question is way more complicated than it actually appears to be on the surface. Are they? Dec wants to think so, but he had just one too many panicky breakdowns in various bathrooms over the last couple of days to be able to say that they are with complete certainty. So many things have gone wrong today already and it’s not even show time.

'Yeah,’ he says, but his voice doesn’t come out right. He clears his throat. ‘Getting there,' is what he eventually manages, because he doesn’t want to sound bitter, he doesn’t want to appear as morbidly fed up as he actually feels.

Cat however is not the type of person who is satisfied with that kind of answer, and actually, wow, how could Dec even think that she was going to just let it go that easily? They really do need to meet up more often.

‘So… hang on, you are in a relationship then?' she presses, somehow making it sound like it’s the least intrusive question ever.

Dec still doesn’t have the answers however, no matter how relentless or good at this Cat is, so he goes for something light-hearted. 'Well, everyone seems to think so,' he says dismissively, not looking her in the eye.

'What kind of answer is that?' she asks with furrowed eyebrows, but also like she’s worried that she’s gone just a bit too far this time.

Dec sighs, more just frustrated with himself than anything anything else, really. 'The I don't know kind. It's just… this whole talking about things is pretty new to me, sorry. I mean…’ he trails off. ‘It's like no one's surprised. Like people were expecting it,’ it almost explodes out of him, the words coming quick and loud; this has been bothering him for a while now. ‘Like everyone fucking secretly knew about it like…!’

There is a moment of silence and Cat is looking at him with this very very patient expression on her face, like she’s waiting for him to realise something, like she wants him to figure it out on his own.

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’ Dec curses when he finally understands. ‘I give up,’ he says, looking up at the ceiling. ‘I fucking give up. Why is it even such a big deal if every person on this bloody planet knew about it, huh? Why? If this is not even new information to anyone, why does it still make the front page of every shitty tabloid in this stupid country like? Aren’t people more interested in… I don’t know, Posh and Becks, or something?!’

Cat laughs at him, but she’s rubbing at his shoulder comfortingly. She leans over the counter then, rummaging for a bit, then turning back towards Dec with a plastic teaspoon.

‘Well, not everyone knew about it,’ she says consolingly, fishing out the teabags from both of the teas that Dec has already completely forgotten about. She dumps them unceremoniously on top a single napkin, drenching the whole counter immediately and looking like she couldn’t care less. She puts down the spoon and looks into Dec’s face with a part-apologetic, part-pleading expression. ‘But, I mean - and I’m only speaking for myself here -, if you think about it, you were never really careful about it when it was just the three of us, so I just assumed you thought that I knew, and I mean, it wasn't exactly a big deal, so…'

Dec lets out a disbelieving little laugh. 'Ant was with Lisa though. I was dating Clare-'

Cat holds up a hand, before he could go any further than that. ‘I’m not saying I understood exactly what was going on, Dec, but you know... It’s the two of you. It’s just your thing,’ she explains easily.

‘Our thing,’ Dec repeats incredulously.

‘Well, yeah,’ she grins at him bright and happy, stunning Dec into silence for a moment.

‘I feel like I have to go now and re-evaluate my life,’ he deadpans finally and Cat laughs warmly.

‘Better now than never,’ she says. Cheeky. ‘Where’s your loved up other half, then?’

‘Dressing room,’ Dec replies, only bothering to roll his eyes at that, and well, okay, maybe he understands why so many people have always taken this for granted - they never exactly discouraged the notion that there was something between them deeper than friendship. But it never really bothered him, he was never really iffy about assumptions like that. If that’s even possible, he was always sort of clear on where he stood: pretty much very into blonde girls, but kind of also very much happily attached to Ant in every way possible. A bit of teasing about their closeness was always welcome, met with a slightly embarrassed, but mostly proudly possessive smile or a funnier counter-joke. It never even occurred to either of them to get prissy about it, especially because most of it was… well, true.

‘We still have a bit of time, I think, if you wanna come, see him before the show?’ he suggests, looking at his watch. He grabs both teas when Cat nods and starts making his way out of the green room with her close behind.

‘Oh yeah, how’s the show going?’ Cat asks as they walk down a corridor, seemingly having realised that for now, she’s not going to get anything more specific out of him, relationship-wise.

‘Well, you know…’ Dec shrugs. ‘It’s okay, I think. It’s one big gay joke, the whole thing, with loads of embarrassing bits and making fun of ourselves, but we never had too much dignity anyway.’

‘So you’re acknowledging it,’ she nods seriously.

‘We can’t just ignore it, to be fair,’ he smiles back tepidly.

Cat shakes her head. ‘I know plenty of people who would. And you have to give yourself credit when you’re doing something right.’

‘Hah, yeah, because doing something right is exactly what this is. Forced out of the closet and we are gracious enough to acknowledge it. Well done us!’

They are suddenly stopped when they get to the next turn - a couple of stage-hands seemingly have tried to move a large piece of the stage set through the corridors, but now it’s stuck. Dec is assured by several people rapidly that the issue is going to be solved any minute now, but he just raises his eyebrows at them, like he couldn’t be less fazed by this catastrophic turn of events and leans on a wall casually, continuing his conversation with Cat, waiting to be able to get through.

‘You see, a tiny part of me thought, you two put the picture out,’ Cat says in a way that’s almost outrageously shy, especially coming from her.

‘What, that we did this whole thing on purpose?’ Dec asks back, definitely not as outraged as he perhaps would have been a day, maybe even hours ago.

She nods silently.

‘You’re not the first person to accuse me of that today,’ Dec remarks, surprised to detect humour in his own voice. ‘Ant and you should really make a Facebook group for that or something.’

He laughs, but Cat just gapes at him. ‘Wait, he said what?’

Dec sighs again. ‘I don’t know, Cat,’ he says, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. There are quite a few people mulling around now, waiting for the corridor to be free to walk again, but the casual chatting of people and the shouts of the stage-hands make enough noise for Dec to deem it a safe environment to have this conversation in. He’s at a point where he doesn’t care much anyway, to be fair.

‘At first it was just that we reacted really differently,’ he starts explaining it, from the start, from the beginning, like he never had a chance to do so with his Mam, like he felt too awkward to with Ali, and too uncomfortable with his sister. ‘He automatically tried to defend what they had with Lisa, which is fair enough, but for me, it was all about finally doing what we should have done ten years ago. Being honest about it. I guess,’ he chuckles, realising the irony of it just now, ‘I reacted like everyone else, assuming that we’d be together now that’s it out, just taking it for granted.

‘But then he broke up with Lise, but decided not to tell me, so I could choose to leave him if I wanted to apparently, or… whatever the fuck that was about,’ he looks at Cat here significantly, with a “can you believe how stupid and annoying he is” kind of look, and when Cat laughs (surprised a little, but indulging) it feels like the best thing in the whole wide world.

‘And well, I’m definitely not with Ali, but it’s just… well, there were some trust-’ Dec stops himself before he could say “issues”. ‘There were some trust things… On my part, mainly. And maybe that’s why he seems to think that it’s like honesty hour now or something, because he keeps coming up with all these things that he never told me and I just… fuck, I wish we could just… Stop time or something. Call half-time. Because we have no idea how to handle any of this fucked up thing and we… put these people through this thing, this sick thing, for… for years! I mean, Mam’s not talking to me, Lisa is fucking heartbroken, but like, still taking it in her stride, Ali is fucking amazing, doing the manager things, and… fuck, there’s Clare and Georgie and so many other people that we just… fucked. And for what? So we can shag each other? It’s like I never even realised how stupid this whole thing…’ his rant stops suddenly and abruptly, with him having to take an almost unexpected breath out of nowhere, but then he shrugs and lets out an indignant little huff, not bothering to finish his sentence.

‘You’re actually fighting?’ Cat asks into the silence, her eyes a very deep brown.

‘I guess, we finally got to the point of breaking. We always said, it’d happen one day and it wasn’t healthy that we never fought.’ Dec suddenly wonders for a second if it was actually them who always said this, or if it was just one of them, and if yes, which one. He shakes his head, letting go of this pointless thought.

‘It wasn’t just shagging though, Dec. You are in love. You can’t control that,’ Cat says quietly, reminding Dec of a negotiator trying to talk someone off a roof, someone who’s very determined to jump.

‘Well, fuck. I don’t know what the right answer is or what we should have-’ a sudden picture-perfect memory startles him into silence. An echoing church corridor, eight or so years ago, him running, trying to comprehend what’s just happened, trying not to throw up, just running and running, like the coward he is, the fucking mess that he was that day. But, no. He did the right thing. Or… did he? Wasn’t it always going to end like this, out in the open? Didn’t he just postpone the inevitable by not doing what he was prepared to finally go through with that day? ‘We are still responsible for all of this,’ he says gravely after a while, after collecting himself a bit.

‘I wasn’t expecting you to be fighting though,’ Cat says, sort of just thinking aloud.

‘Neither did we,’ Dec replies, grimacing. ‘We ran out of secrets today though, I think,’ he adds, almost like an after-thought, not sounding as hopeful as he’d like. ‘Don’t look at us like that,’ he asks Cat pleadingly when she stares at him, looking a bit like she’s never seen him in her life.

‘Sorry,’ she says, catching herself. ‘I- I guess, I just thought, you would be more…’

‘Prepared for something like this?’ Dec finishes her sentence, laughing humourlessly. ‘Yeah, no, ‘cos, we’re idiots like. But I think for Ant it was way easier to get over all this. It’s like he jumped from this is not serious, it’s never been, to this place where he’s just incredibly comfortable with everything and… I guess, this is what I always wanted and now I know this, but I was just so fucking afraid that I never admitted it to myself and I’m still pretty much just scared shitless,’ he concludes. ‘Well. That’s where we are right now. That’s what I mean by I don’t know.’

Cat seems to think about it for a moment, taking it all in, processing, then - looking as enlightened as it goes - she says, ‘You’ve been struggling with this for a lifetime, Decs. You had way too much time to think about it and make up all these problems in your head, whether they are real or not. You just have more to get through than he does,’ she says and Dec is a bit taken aback by how it’s actual sensible advise, even if it can just be translated into a simple “give it time”. ‘Like the wedding thing?’ Cat adds tentatively and oh, fuck.

‘Shit. I forgot you knew about that,’ Dec shakes his head, pointedly staring at his shoes. The pain he expects from the mention of the wedding doesn’t come this time (maybe he’s exhausted his quota for the day or it’s too soon, from a moment ago when he thought about it, to hurt properly again), and that’s unusual, but he does feel more embarrassed than he has in a long while, and that’s really something, considering he just had several close-up pictures of snogging Ant’s face off exposed to, and tabloid-pushed-down-the-throats of, most of the country’s population.

‘I was there,’ Cat says significantly. ‘I don’t just know about it, I fucking saw it happen.’

Dec is infinitely thankful for the distraction of someone coming up to him, saying that the set piece really is stuck and maybe they are better off choosing a different route and just going the long way around, so the wedding topic is left well and alone. Dec exchanges pleasantries about this overall quite sitcom-humorous turn of events with the person and (‘They were not supposed to move it through here, but a couple of the new guys didn’t know,’ he explains to Cat) turns around to walk back the way they came from.

‘So… I mean, I just assumed that you’re like together, especially after the pictures, but now I’m… not so sure?’ Cat continues her probing, and despite his general and automatic annoyance by this line of questioning, Dec finds that it’s really nice to complain to someone about all this.

‘Yeah. Yeah? Maybe. Probably.’ Dec shoots her a painful smile when he realises how stupid that sounded. ‘It’s complicated.’

‘Have you talked about it?’ she asks, laughing a little, as they turn onto another corridor.

‘We… sort of did,’ Dec confirms, but then he goes off-topic, his thoughts racing too fast for him to make them coherent enough to even just stop himself from casually blurting them out. ‘Today he said I love you to me in the most casual way and I said it back without even thinking about it and I feel like… It doesn’t feel like a normal relationship, like we didn’t have any of those moments, like we never even had a first date like, but I feel like I’ve been dating him since I was twenty or something – how is that right?’ he asks, feeling every bit as pathetic as he know he must sound.

‘It can’t be right just because it’s not usual?’ Cat asks back wonderingly, for some reason still humouring Dec. ‘Okay, so you didn’t have a traditional I love you moment, so what?’ (Dec opens his mouth here, because while they might not have had a so-to-speak “traditional” I love you moment - and Ant might stupidly deny that that was their first one on top of that -, it was still pretty romcom-like, thank you very much, involving some leftover curry, crap telly and Peter Andre being their upstairs neighbour playing a weirdly significant role in all of it, but then he thinks better of it and just lets Cat continue without interrupting). ‘You have other things. You have a kind of connection that most people wouldn’t ever dare dream of…’

‘I guess so,’ Dec says awkwardly. He still finds it incredibly strange how other people perceive their relationship, how other people consider his day-to-day normal to be unique and special. Not to say, he’s not aware of how lucky he is to have found Ant, it’s just…

He stops at a door leading to a set of service stairs, holds it open for Cat, lets her grab onto his arm as she - surprisingly elegantly - struggles down them in her heels. ‘It’s just confusing and I feel like I can’t figure it out - any of it,’ he says finally. ‘And there’s just so much pressure from everywhere to do the right thing and be so many things and it’s bloody all over the papers like and…’

‘I really didn’t expect you to be this hesitant about this,’ Cat says earnestly, stopping for a moment.

Dec looks at her. Then with new-found energy, ‘I mean just because it’s supposed to work, just because it’s us, it doesn’t mean that it actually will. We’re just jumping into it and there’s no time to adjust, not like when you’re actually dating someone, to get used to them, to figure out their habits and-‘

‘But, Dec…’ she interrupts him, sounding astonished. ‘You don’t need to do that,’ she laughs incredulously, shaking her head.

He looks at her, a bit frustrated, waiting for her to explain.

‘You know all this. Yeah, this might be an issue for other people who get together like this, from an affair or whatever, and yeah, it might be an adjustment, a hard one, but the pair of you are…’ she laughs again, almost fondly, ‘…strange and weird and… just think it through! You know what’s it like to live with him. You see each other every single day. You know his habits, you know what he does first thing in the morning, you know how he takes his coffee, you have shared a bathroom together, you do actually go shopping together. Dec, you have a joint twitter account for god's sake,' she finishes, looking like she’s clearly just won this whole thing altogether.

Dec opens his mouth to snarl back at her, but then he realises, he’s not sure what to say. After a while he just puts a hand on her lower back to usher her forwards and in the right direction. They don’t say much of anything for the rest of the way; Dec deep in his thoughts, Cat clicking with her heels like she’s the queen of the universe or something and she just solved Dec’s every problem single-handedly.

Well, Dec thinks with a wry smile, as he hands her the teas so he can open his dressing room door. Maybe she is. And maybe she didn’t exactly solve everything, but. This is definitely a start, or… maybe even a clear sighting of a finish line that, until a minute ago, Dec wasn’t even sure - couldn’t possibly hope! - existed.

chapter 30

[emetoandotherthings]

Damian’s Coeliac Saga ~Pt.1

A/N: So after @its-a-goddamn-heartbreak and I discussed how Damian found out about his gluten intolerance, we essentially planned an entire multichapter fic about it - and so I’m writing it! Here is part one, get ready for angst, pain and just general torture of 14 year old Damian (and fucking snarky 12 y/o Jude). I hope you enjoy ~ more will follow in days to come!

           “Damian, Damian!” A hand shook his shoulder roughly and he opened his eyes blearily to see his mother looking down at him, frustration on her face.

           “Mmmm…. What?” He mumbled, moving slightly in bed to get away from his mum’s hand.

           “It’s quarter past eight!” She replied briskly. “You need to get up, you’re going to be late for school.”

           “Alright, alright…” He placated, moving his cosy bed covers away from his face.

           “I thought you wanted a shower this morning,” she’d begun to move to the door.

           “I did…” Damian said, sitting up in his bed and feeling that sudden woozy sensation which accompanies moving too quickly.

           “You’re not going to have enough time,” she shook her head, “you’ll just have to put up with it for a day. Come on, out of bed! I’ll put the kettle on so you can have a cup of coffee before you leave!”

           “Okay,” he rubbed his hand across his face as his mum left his bedroom. He was just so tired… He couldn’t explain it either; he’d gone to bed relatively early and hadn’t done any extra study or anything. He knew that being in fourth year, with the imminent reality of exams which could make or break his future, was going to be tough, but he hadn’t thought it would be this hard.

           “I’m not hearing any movement!” His mum called from downstairs.

           “Alright!” He shouted, and dragged himself out of bed. He couldn’t explain why he felt so tired… It wasn’t just tonight either, but for the past couple of weeks he’d felt like he was teetering on the edge of exhaustion – and despite knowing his goal of getting in to study medicine, he hadn’t quite been able to make his brain do what he wanted… He felt like weights had been stitched under his skin as he dragged on his school uniform.

           His mum had left him a mug of coffee and a slice of toast on the counter, but he couldn’t face taking more than a few bites while downing his cup of coffee.

           “Good morning sleeping beauty!” Jude smirked and make a mock curtsey towards Damian, before picking his own slice of toast up.

           “Shut up,” Damian replied curtly, placing his mug into the dishwasher. “Hurry up, we need to leave in two minutes.”

           “Says the boy who got out of bed ten minutes ago!” Jude scoffed with his mouth full, but Damian chose to ignore him and headed to clean his teeth.

           In the whiter light of the bathroom Damian was confronted by how awful he looked – his skin pale, and dark circles bloomed underneath his eyes. He tried to ignore looking at himself in the mirror as he rapidly cleaned his teeth, then grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. Jude was standing at the bottom of the stairs, ready to go.

           “Come on, let’s go,” Jude jostled impatiently while Damian set their house alarm.

           “Hold your horses!” Damian snapped as he fished his key out from his bag and locked the door.

           The morning was crisp and bright, the sun was low as they walked down their road and turned along the main road towards the end of the street that Cain and Eden lived in. In the morning light, Damian could see the white blonde hair of his best mate. Jude had sped up to meet Eden, and the two of them were already quarter of the way up the hill before Damian even made it to Cain.

           “You alright?” Cain asked as Damian caught him and the two began making their way up to the school.

           “Yeah…” Damian said. “You?”

           “Yeah,” Cain nodded. “How did you find the maths homework?”

           Damian’s heart skipped a beat, and he clapped his hand to his forehead with considerable force. Cain was looking at him strangely, his eyebrows raised.

           “I totally forgot!” If it was possible for him to feel any worse then this would be the moment, but he already felt so weighed down that it was impossible to grind him down anymore.

           “That’s not like you…” Cain commented, his eyebrows raised. “Were you busy last night?”

           “Kind of,” Damian lied, running his hands through his hair. “I’ll have to do it during registration.” He couldn’t believe that had slipped his mind, but being so tired it felt like things were slipping from his brain in a manner beyond his control.

           The loud, boisterous chatter in his registration class made it nigh impossible for him to concentrate on the simultaneous equations he should have solved last night. Cain was trying not to seem worried, because he’d never been in this situation; he’d watched other classmates frantically trying to finish homework but never Damian… He couldn’t help but notice that his friend’s face looked a little waxy, maybe ill – but Damian was the last person you could suggest the possibility of being ill to, he’d simply ignore any comments until Cain gave up trying.

           “How are you getting on?” Cain asked, aware that the bell to signify the start of their first period was imminent.

           “I’m – nearly – done,” Damian finished with a flourish, then sank his head down onto his arm.

           “Are you okay?” Cain was slightly alarmed by this action as it was so out of character for his friend. Slowly Damian raised his head, he didn’t look okay.

           “Just tired,” Damian shrugged, although apart from the lingering tiredness that had been around since he woke up, there was a strange discomfort in his abdomen. He wasn’t quite sure whether that was because he’d only had three bites of toast along with his coffee, or for another reason.

           The bell rang, interrupting Cain’s ability to question further as he’d risen immediately. Cain didn’t sit next to Damian in maths, but he couldn’t help but cast anxious glances over in his direction. Damian really didn’t look at all well – his eyes were glazed over and Cain could tell that he wasn’t concentrating on hi work which was most unlike him.

           From the position Cain sat, he could see Damian’s hand at his stomach and a grimace on his pale face. Perhaps he was coming down with something? Cain barely managed to focus on his own work as he thought over what might be going on with his friend. What if he really was burning himself out? Cain had joked about that with Damian for as long as he’d known him, but he’d never considered that it might happen. As they left class for break Cain couldn’t quite decide whether to say anything, but before he got the chance Damian said something about going to physics a bit early and disappeared.

           Damian felt like he was being dragged, suspended through treacle, as time went so slowly, and he was so tired. By the time he’d gotten through physics by the skin of his teeth, and sat next to the radiator in his English class he was ready to give up. He wanted to go home, his stomach felt weird and he couldn’t tell whether he was overheating because he had been sat next to the radiator or for another reason. Then he saw Cain’s face at lunch time, and he wasn’t sure how to broach the subject of wanting to go home.

           “Are you coming to the art room for lunch?” Cain questioned; one of the teacher’s opened their room for some people to study in, and the two of them sometimes went along. Damian weighed it up in his head, he could have a bit of rest for an hour and maybe eat something to bring his blood sugar back up; then he could reassess whether he wanted to go home or not.

           “Yeah, okay,” Damian nodded. He followed Cain along to the art studio, perching on one of the high stools and resisting the urge to put his head down onto the table straight away. Watching Cain unpacking his art stuff from his folder, Damian pulled out the Tupperware box that his mum had packed his lunch into. He didn’t recall a time when his usual ham sandwich had looked more unappealing, but he took a bite anyway, telling himself that it’d make him feel better.

           “Are you alright?” Cain asked, normally Damian would have some of his work spread out on the table while Cain sketched.

           “Yeah,” Damian answered, although his jaw felt like it was wired shut as he tried to chew on his sandwich.

           “Are you sure?” Cain persisted. “You’ve been kinda quiet and off all day – I mean, normally you’d be trying to explain to me how sine waves work in physics or something…”

           “I’m just tired that’s all…” Damian passed it off. “What are you drawing?”

           Cain pursed his lips for a second, then seemed to accept Damian’s explanation and began to talk about shading or something while Damian tried really hard to pay attention.

           He didn’t bother with the second half of his sandwich, but sipped on his bottle of water, but barely ten minutes later he felt like his stomach was expanding. He tried to shift the waistband of his school trousers, but there was nowhere he could move it to that didn’t hurt. He placed his head in his hand and took some deep breaths in through his nose, and when that didn’t help he wrapped his free arm around his stomach.

           “Damian?” Suddenly Cain’s voice was right next to him and he felt Cain’s hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

           “I don’t feel good…” Damian whispered honestly, only then realising that he’d closed his eyes. “Brrruuuurp! Oh! Excuse me…” The deep belch broke past his lips before he could stop it and his hand sprang to his mouth.

           “I thought you were looking off… Do you feel sick?” Cain questioned, Damian nodded slightly – he wasn’t quite sure how to explain the strange puffy sensation inside his abdomen. “Come on, I think we should go to the office.”

           “Just – buuurp – give me a minute please…” Damian requested, then he heard Cain packing his stuff up for him.

           “Let’s get you home,” Cain coaxed him off the stool, “I’ll carry your bag, you just have to walk, okay?”

           “Thanks Cain,” Damian muttered, the weird sensation in his stomach causing more pressure every second.

           “It’s absolutely no problem,” Cain assured.

[cosmosogler]

i’m so frustrated i want to scream.

i had a dream about high school. i was hanging out with a japanese girl. i couldn’t understand anything she said and i was trying to figure out a good system to communicate but i couldn’t remember anything or focus on how my hands were moving. i have never had this much trouble with a language barrier and i could not figure out what she wanted. 

that was just the start of the day though.

there was that thing with dad, of course. and i’ve been feeling crummy and sore all day. it has never let up. there was a period of about an hour where it hurt so bad i couldn’t move this evening. i felt so sick i couldn’t even feel restless. it was like all my limbs died.

i have had pms symptoms worse than this, of course, but never while actively on birth control. and definitely not when it’s not even the right week yet. i still have two more days before the pill schedule says i’m actually supposed to start. at least i caught it right away and that was, er, uneventful. i do so dislike bathroom adventures.

gotta... set up an appointment with my doctor. again. try something else.

walking wiley was pretty miserable. i had no energy and every time he pulled on the leash my whole upper body ached. thankfully he didn’t seem to find anything especially interesting on our usual route today so i could focus on just moving forward. i think some kids wanted me to stop so they could pet wiley but i just waved at them and kept going because i didn’t want to deal with people. their parents didn’t look too enthusiastic about me coming over at least.

tomorrow i gotta get up an hour early for therapy. so i am writing a little early. after therapy dad wants to go to his mom’s house. i haven’t seen her since, like, before she killed her dog i think? i have never volunteered to go with dad. i think my dad knows i don’t care for her company. then we are picking up asher to start studying for the gre a little bit.

i was completely unable to focus all day despite not moving too much. i didn’t start looking at math gre materials until like twenty minutes ago. i’ve got a couple things bookmarked now... hopefully spending some time on khan academy will help boost his confidence. that’s mostly what the gre is about. not letting it psyche you out. the general gre doesn’t really cover anything over high school, or freshman year of college level. i took it without studying at all and i did way better than i did on the subject test despite spending five months pretty religiously studying. 

the worst part about standardized tests is how soul crushing they are. you still feel like you’re bad at it even when you score in the 80th percentile. or you feel like you did pretty good and get 40th percentile. just like my grades!!!

i was hoping maybe since i didn’t have to go to school this semester i could relax a little more. but here i am with my head in my hands worrying about my grades and my lost opportunity and how rusty i’m getting with numbers. i can’t... find higher level physics material to practice with on the internet. where do i go to just, do quantum physics problems every day?? and i gave my quantum book to hogan, so he could keep up with the material... maybe i’ll ask for it back... i’ll have to go back to flag at some point anyway.

i’m too ashamed to even log into facebook because maybe i’ll have gotten a notification from someone i know. or maybe someone will see me online and try to talk to me and they’ll figure out how much of a useless bum i am. i’ve forgotten to even change my skype status from “away” for several days now. i don’t talk in the discord channels...

that feeling of “i feel like a total loser” never went away. i think having to miss another semester of school broke me. it’s hard to motivate myself to even do little things. like send emails. or look at the physics stuff that i ASKED MY PROFESSOR TO SEND ME AND HE KINDLY DID. or heck, even watching tv is a chore! sitting and reading for too long makes me feel sick. i should really be wearing my reading glasses, that might be the problem with the reading. but whenever i think about doing anything i just want to cry.

i feel stupid even talking about anything but work on my tumblr, where i go to talk about how i’m feeling. it’s great. like, i could say i played a lot of pokemon and got extremely frustrated with the luck i was having at the battle tree, but i play pokemon every day. mom and dad judge me pretty hard.

it’s hard to find anything to enjoy when i know that if it’s not work related my parents are going to complain that i don’t do anything useful. i can’t get any fun out of things i used to have a great time doing. i don’t really sit and think in the shower any more, i just kind of stand there and stare at the wall and yell at myself to wash my hair already. i can’t write or draw. well, technically i physically could do those things, but i can’t... put the paper down in front of myself. when i think about it, i just don’t do it. i guess it’s hard because making art again would mean i am trying to take steps to feel better. but i wouldn’t be feeling better fast enough and mom and dad would be like “why did you draw when you could be applying for jobs” and then i would feel even worse.

i can’t start new books or tv shows and i have trouble even picking up new short stories/fanfiction because i would spend time and energy thinking about and talking about that stuff when i could be applying for jobs!!!

i can’t even crawl out of my depression hole good enough. it would be easier for everyone if i was dead. then at least my parents wouldn’t have to spend so much money on me. and my friends wouldn’t have to watch me complain about nothing all the time. and i wouldn’t have to sit here and be myself all day.

haha, the dream i had... i was singing a song and i mixed up the lyrics. it reminded me of last may when i went to comicon and i liked someone’s cosplay and tried to point it out to taylor and i got the character mixed up with a different one right in front of everyone in the elevator. i bet i looked like a real fake gamer girl!!!

not only that, but it was an undertale cosplay, and i know how... intense the fans can be. i wanted to melt into my dress and through the floor.

i hate the way my body looks and it’s so hard for me to cosplay. i get judgmental looks when i try to play along in character a little bit because i don’t commit enough, or i commit too much, or i get disappointed looks when i don’t play along because i’m too nervous. i’m lucky if one person asks to take a picture with me. i should really make my own costumes... i could probably put in just a little more effort and maybe people would like my costumes. but i can’t sew and mom never taught me how to do anything i could use to take care of myself.

everything i learned about how to take care of myself i had to teach myself... i don’t even know how to put on makeup. i have never even once done it myself.

mostly because it’s bad for my skin and i hate the way it feels on my face, but also because i was afraid of doing it wrong and having to wear it that way all day.

i guess, i got so used to doing things wrong on purpose, like playing video games just badly enough or getting pop culture references wrong to look just the right level of Not That Nerdy, and Letting the Guys Be Right, that when i actually put in effort and tried to win i couldn’t any more. the only thing i can do on purpose is lose. and i guess... losing on purpose gives me some control over whether i won or not. since i’m gonna lose anyway, may as well let myself down easy, you know?

but i keep trying for some reason. because i’m stupid i guess. dedication and stubbornness are the same thing.

actually one time it was kind of funny. i was just starting high school and wanted to not look like an unapproachable hermit. so i was talking about tv shows with a guy. i think it was long hair jake. he brought up dragonball z. i have seen the show before, and i had only the most tenuous grasp of the plot, but i liked some of the characters enough to be familiar with their names and personalities. i watched toonami a lot in grade school. but i was so afraid of looking like a nerd, because he was so cool, you see, that i deliberately “forgot” all the characters’ names and basic things about the show. getting it wrong on purpose and letting people judge me for that is easier than trying earnestly and getting it wrong anyway without even noticing. at least when i do something on purpose i have some say in what people think of me, because i did for sure act a certain way.

i ended up being an unapproachable hermit anyway and during my second year i actually got yelled at by the dean of students for being “too egotistical to spend time with my classmates.” 

honestly i think that actually truly damaged my self esteem. here i had clearly established myself as the worst student, and was too afraid to hang out with literally anyone, and everyone thought i thought myself too high and mighty for those lowly mortals! gaze upon me and despair.

man, i hate me. i hate having to deal with me. i hate listening to myself all day. i hate the way i keep getting up and trying again even when there is clearly nothing to be gained. i wish i could just die already.

and yet... i appreciate the way eve keeps going like there’s nothing wrong even though she is clearly aware of how old she is. i appreciate that she still asks to go on walks even though she’s always sore and tired afterward. that she still wants to spend time with me despite everything.

haha i’m crying again, good night everybody, i’ll be here all week. i can’t see again, my eyes burn so bad. god it hurts.

i am just a little early tonight. but i have to get up to go to the bathroom so often every night that i’ll probably end up not getting enough sleep anyway. it wasn’t as bad last night, so maybe the medication is finally starting to help.

[inexchangeforyoursoul]

chapter 13- that’s my lucky number. too bad it’s wasted on what’s p much filler with Robin lmao

“... that's cheating, you know.” Law took note of the lack of soft thuds and paper sizzles a few minutes ago; that's what made him check on her eventually, turning on his chair sideways.

Kat ignores the remark, and continues juggling the pocket watch mid-air as she teleports it above the other paper pile. Then does it again, and again. After a few more, she responds:

“You say that, but... I'm doing the same thing. Plus wannabe telekinesis, minus property damage. It's a win-win, if you ask me.”

“While you are not wrong, it will also be impossible to tell when you get it right,” he notes, leaning onto the back of the chair.

She shrugs. “Honestly, it doesn't make a difference until I can put my finger onto what's right whenever it works out in the first place.” That, and she's also having more fun with this godforsaken task like this. She has no watch of her own and there's no clock in his room that she's aware of, but she's dang sure the bells rang for noon a while ago. Started doing this right after... a little surprised it took Law so long to notice the change, though.

“...” After some delay, Law sighs and gets up. “Well, do as you like. I'm off to eat lunch.”

“I'll be going, too, then...” she muses. “As long as you're in the hall it's less likely that I run into Shachi. Would be... awkward after yesterday.”

“That it would be,” Law drawls with an amused expression. Having shoved the chair back in its place, he puts a hand under his chest.

“You really are hungry, huh?” Kat asks, ambling direction door herself.

“Guess so,” he replies. “Even though I ate a bit more for breakfast than it would have been necessary for your size... also felt sick for a while. Guess that was your routine speaking.”

“Duh,” Kat rolls her eyes at that. “How were you not in that state yesterday before walk, anyway? Also... I'm surprised you are hungry again? My body is low maintenance, after all,” she adds, wondering. He's had a proper breakfast, and she can get by easily with two mediocre meals a day plus some snacks...

“Yesterday I was wide awake as early as 4 am. I have the suspicion it's your blood pressure fucking you over with breakfast, now that I'm thinking about it,” he says, donning his hat.

“I could see that. Either way... my 'wolf days' hit every other week and I downed a whole pizza, a big plate of soup and spaghetti the other day, so that...” She drifts off; there is one thing she sometimes mistakes for hunger or stomach ache, and that's... “Umm...”

“What is it?” he asks, noticing her vaguely worried expression.

“Actually... I don't think it's your stomach,” she concludes. As Law takes some time to catch on, she adds “I mean the problem is more likely to be here,” pointing at her lower abdomen. This could very well be her uterus making its usual ruckus.

Hearing that, he takes a deep breath and looks around with weary eyes. How conveniently he forgot about all that... first things first, the pads. God, where did he--- or actually, she, even put that stuff?

Before he could start looking for the oversized bag, Kat has already lifted it and peeled the plastic skin off the bunch of clothes levitating in mid-air; the package they're looking for is poking out from right between the layers of shirts and hoodies. Law doesn't even need to move as she's done getting it and repackaging her clothes within a few seconds.

“Godspeed,” she sighs, opening the door as he snatches the pads. Doing so she notes that her neck is getting antsy over such trivial tasks again. Oh well. As they part ways at the entrance, she shouts after him; “See you later, will be on the other ship today if I'm not back.”

“Noted,” he groans, picking up speed towards his private bathroom. Yep, hit the nail on the head.

Boarding the Thousand Sunny, she runs into quite a few of the crew hanging outside despite the cloudy day. Kat also can hear Franky and Zoro doing their thing somewhere unseen, too. It's quite chilly... she should get something warmer from one of those drawers.

“Hi, guys,” she waves, looking out for Sanji while at it.

“Hi, Kat,” is what the council of Usopp, Luffy, Carrot and Chopper say in unison while discussing something with quite some zeal at the railing. Nami and Robin, who seem to be on their way inside, wave back; without further ado, she joins them.

“Hey,” she greets them again upon catching up. Nami just nods and hums as she's already engrossed in the fresh newspaper she's been holding.

“How's it going, Miss Kat?” asks the archeologist with a gentle smile on her face.

“Out on food hunt,” she replies, also breaking into a smile. Seeing Robin being pleased has this... odd effect on her; it's almost as if she was proud of herself. A foreign feeling, but even if she thinks of it as undeserved, it's nice to have. “It feels rude to ask, but do you think I could join you guys today? I'm trying not to anger Law and things... have also gotten awkward on the other ship.”

“Well, we've already finished... but if you'd like, we could ask Sanji for something and you can join us for dessert at the aquarium,” she responds, sprouting an arm to hold the door for Nami, who sings a 'thank you~ ♡'.

“That sounds great, actually.” She does like the place quite a lot, after all.

Arriving at the seats, she stops and Nami plops down immediately, while Robin talks into a door on the middle of the pillar that's definitely part of the ship's main mast; Kat can hear Sanji's enthusiastic voice echo from inside. Whatever's going on, he's been waiting for her arrival.

“What is this?” she asks stepping up to the woman, pointing at the mechanism.

“A small elevator for snacks. Cute, isn't it?” Robin smiles.

“Can't argue with that.” Practical, too... thinking about it, this is right under the kitchen. She peeks a little up the hole. “That's cool... stuff like this has always fascinated me, but I never really took the time to get into mechanics.”

“You should ask Franky or Usopp, I'm sure they'd love someone listen to their rambling,” she says, sitting onto a nearby chair. “You spend quite some time over here now, after all.”

Kat hums; she's right. She could pick up some technical stuff from those two... even botany from Usopp, her mother has a green thumb, after all. Might as well hit up Brook for fencing lessons, she's always wanted to try her hand at that... Could even ask Chopper (or Law, to be honest) some questions about medicine and such, Sanji for some simple recipes while he's still calm around her... the possibilities on this ship are near limitless and so very tentative. The excitement over it tickles her heart.

She has to find the courage and energy to engage any of them, though. But she knows herself better than to wait for that.

On the other hand... “That's a pretty good idea... maybe you could also share some cool stuff I don't know about?” She has little to no qualms chatting with certain people who she finds just... always so easy to talk to.

A small glint appears in Robin's eyes. “And what is it that you would want me to tell you?”

Kat furrows her brows while thinking. “Hard to pick... you know basically everything there is to know know, you know?” With that, she also sits down.

She laughs. “That's a stretch, but a flattering one.”

Before she could continue, the mechanism next to them is put into motion and once the elevator hits their level, a muffled 'bon appétit, my fair ladies~' resounds through the shaft. Or just the floor... he must have been too much into it and made a pose facing away. Either way, that was damn fast.

Robin takes out two sets of cake slices and what appears to be cocktails and passes one of them over to Nami a bit farther away through some extra limbs.

Noticing that, she looks up from her newspaper. “Robin, you really didn't have to...”

She just smiles back at her, then returns her attention to Kat, who has carefully lifted out the glass of orange juice and a plate of what appears to be a dish consisting of a variation of mashed potatoes and some fish with dressing. The glass of white wine remains inside.

“You don't drink?”

“No. Well... at times I drink a cider in summer, and am willing to down a glass of champagne at New Year's, but that's about it,” she says, rather eager to dig in; the food smells really nice. “I don't like the bitter taste of alcohol, nor its effects.”

Robin leans onto an arm and watches her for a little bit, then hums. “Had some unfortunate experiences with it, I assume.”

Kat swallows the food she's been shoveling inside. “Eh, that too, yeah.” She's kinda thankful to her grandfather for trying to make her drink wine when she was about five years old. She's always hated bitter things, and that sealed the deal for a lifetime: one less alcoholic in the family.

“It's understandable. You know,” the woman starts after taking a sip of the reddish drink, “how about you tell me about yourself a little first?”

“Oh... I... already talk too much about myself whenever I don't pay attention, though,” she protests, settling her eyes on her plate.

Robin cuts a piece of cake, contemplating. “I've yet to hear one of your famous rants... Since you are unsure about what to talk about, it would make my job easier to decide where to start with this 'basically everything' I know, you know? How about this question instead: what kind of life would make you happy?”

Kat stuffs another spoonful of those delicious potatoes into her mouth. This sounds like a school assignment for children... not a terribly hard to answer one, either. “A simple one. With a small and comfortable place to live in, close to some settlement and next to the woods. I would earn enough to buy the food and drink I need, or the material for anything I'd like to draw or make. Maybe participate in fairs with my junk, and bake cookies for schools around some bigger holiday.” She nods. That's the basics. “A library of my own... and some animals would be nice, too. Chickens, a cat... some goats, maybe.” She's always found them rather charming. But she doesn't trust herself with taking care of anything, be it animals, children, or even plants, so it's all just fantasy. It wouldn't be so lonely with either, though. She wouldn't leave the house for human contact if she magically had everything at home that money could buy, after all. “All in all, just take up as little space I can... then disappear without a trace.” With noone to mourn her. As if she never existed.

She hums with another piece of sweet dough in her mouth. Those were more the words of a disillusioned child than that of a budding young woman technically co-leading a successful little business. “Quite a romantic image. That's not a whole lot, though.”

Looking back onto her near-empty plate, Kat takes a deep sigh. The air feels so heavy in her lungs. “It's not... that's why it always weirds me out when I think about it. That it's so little to wish for and yet seems unattainable, I mean.” External and personal hurdles notwithstanding. What she has now is likely the closest she could ever get, and it's fine that way.

Robin takes another long sip from her drink. “True.” Putting the glass down, she continues; “Would you like to see what kind of stuff I've dug up lately, then?”

The archeologist sees Kat's eyes light up before she gives some decisive and enthusiastic nods as the last remainders of her lunch interfere with a verbal answer. She smiles anew- children do love playthings, do they not?

“You'll love the panel painting and grail we've found hidden in a cave that turned out to be the entrance to an old burial place,” Nami chips in as she walks over with the empty dishes in her hand and the haphazardly folded newspaper under her arm. “Nice stubble, by the way,” she giggles before continuing her read, leaning against the counter behind Kat with one ear open.

Latter touches her face- welp, Nami's not wrong. Didn't seem to be that bad in the mirror and with soap on, but realizing how prickly she's gotten will annoy her on the long run. Will have to ask Law about that. Later. There's a much more exciting topic to pay attention to now.

“What are they like?” she asks, swinging the seat under her to the sides.

“They need a little restoration, but are fine and elaborate pieces from about three hundred years ago,” Robin states. “Long missing pieces from a monastery in the West; we must have found the stash of some long dead thieves or pirates,” the older woman sighs. “The actual graves were from a much earlier period than the artifacts, though, and still had human remains in them.” She can't help but wonder what else may have been there before the savages disturbed the bones...

Kat is all ears while slurping her juice. Sometimes she thinks about giving up archeology as soon as she started learning about history- keeping track of all the numbers and dates she acknowledged she wouldn't be able to do, after all. Even that wouldn't have changed dropping out of college, though. Either way, she wants to see this.

“I'm so skipping the sucky training for this tomorrow,” she states with enthusiasm to both of the girls' amusement.