#this took a while and might be kinda disjointed

[daycourtofficial]

Forever is the sweetest con

Cassian x reader, Azriel x reader

Summary: based on this request - the war with Hybern claimed the life of your husband. Reeling with grief, you discover that you’re pregnant. His brother and your friend, Azriel, begins spending more and more time with you, finding solace in each other amidst your shared grief.

Author’s note: sadness, sadness, sadness, this one took me ages to write bc it’s so fucking sad 😭 I’m not super happy with this bc I was mostly trying to meet the deadline so this might feel disjointed bc I had to kinda skip around a lot. Also I didn’t tag this as Cassian x reader in tags bc it felt too painful to do that

Word count: 3k

Warnings: character death, unexpected pregnancy, honestly just sadness

“I’m Cassian.”

A large, handsome male greeted you as you were shelving some new books away. His large outstretched hand reached towards you, waiting in the air for a moment as you set the stack of books in your arms down. Your hand gets lost in the warmth of his, telling him your own name.

He smiles at it, repeating it, testing it on his tongue.

For days, that is the only memory playing in your head. It is what you think of as you lay in your shared bed, his scent still lingering. It is what you think when Feyre picks you up, and her and Mor place you in a bathtub as they clean you. It is what you think of as you stare at the ceiling, hoping it will collapse on you.

It is what you think of as you stand between Rhysand and Azriel at Cassian’s memorial. It is what you think of as they lower the casket into the ground, the citizens of Velaris standing around to pay their respects.

You don’t notice the hundreds of people who come to offer you a silent nod, a gentle prayer over you, their voices carrying gentle choruses of “he was so brave” and “you should be proud”.

You’re too numb for any of this. You’re too numb to recognize the hand Azriel places on your back, or the hand Feyre clasps into your own, squeezing tightly.

All you can think about is how his hand felt in your own the first time you held it - warm, gentle, comforting. And how it felt the last time you held it - cold, lifeless, gone.

Being a war hero came with a cost.

Only Cassian didn’t have to pay it - those he left behind did.

-

You’re not sure how much time has passed since Cassian died. You’re not sure if the people of Velaris still mourned him, or were simply wearing the traditional colors of their court.

You sat in one of Cassian’s old tunics, piles of clothes scattered on the floor around you. Your back was to the wall, its cool surface warming with your heat.

You hear movement in the house, but you don’t have the energy or ability to care who’s here.

Someone knocks gently before coming into the room, Azriel’s large frame coming through the door to your chambers. He sees the slightly ajar closet door, and shimmies his way in, sitting next to you amidst the pile of clothes on the floor.

He notes that they all seemed to have been pulled right off their hangers, in a fit of rage or desperation perhaps. Shades of black and red litter the floor, and the realization that it was all Cassian’s clothes causes him to take in a deep breath.

You two sit for a while, Azriel’s wings likely cramped in the small space. Mother knows Cassian complained if he spent more than five minutes in your closet.

Azriel just sits in silence, his shadows gently swirling the floor, searching through the piles.

For what, you’re not sure.

You finally speak, the words hard to form. You didn’t speak much these days - your voice a rare sound for your family’s ears.

“He doesn’t need them to be hung up anymore.”

Azriel sighs, shifting closer to you. He gauges you, looking for a reaction before moving a bit closer.

“He never needed them hung up. Before you he mostly just left his clothes strewn about the room. Drove Nuala and Cerridwen mad.”

You look at him, pulled from your trance of that black shirt Cassian wore when the two of you went on vacation in Adriada. The shirt that fit him so well the two of you did not see the beach at all for the five days you were there.

“They’d complain, saying every night he’d pull his clothes that they neatly hung up and the next morning they’d be strewn about his room,” he shrugs, still confused over how Cassian kept track of where everything was.

“Eventually Rhys told them to stop and to let Cassian do what he wants. No idea how he managed to stay neat and tidy with you.”

Your eyes meet his, and he reaches out a hand for you. It’s the first offer of help you’ve accepted in days. You keep his hand in yours for a long time, sitting amongst Cassian’s clothes.

-

You were sitting on the small balcony of your home, looking out at the expansive night sky above you. Elbows on knees, collapsing in on yourself.

Eyes red rimmed, tear tracks marking your face. You had never felt so helpless or as hopeless as you did now. Your eyes snag on a dark figure, soaring through the skies, its body getting closer and closer.

Azriel had taken to checking on you every three days now. Make sure you were eating, washing, and moving. Honestly if it weren’t for these biweekly check ins, you’re not sure how you would be faring.

The Illyrian descends next to you, a soft landing as he tucks his wings back in and sits next to you. You two sit in silence for a while, the sounds of the night a melody playing for just you two.

Velaris is dark, few fae lights scattered throughout the city aglow. You breathe deeply, taking in the smell of Azriel next to you. You should tell him, but you haven’t been able to tell anyone all week.

It was eating you up - you knew they’d be supportive, you knew they’d love you and help you in anyway they could. But it would still break their hearts just a bit more.

Your internal debate is ended by the overwhelming turn of your stomach, your lunch from earlier wanting to make a quick exit. You hurriedly get up, running towards your bathroom and throwing yourself on your toilet, narrowly reaching it in time.

Azriel ran after you, making quick work of grabbing your hair before you began your second wave of vomiting. The only sounds in the room are your retching and Azriel’s soothing tunes.

His other hand gently rubs your back as you feel as if you’re going to die. From embarassment or pain, you’re not sure. He waits for you to say what he already suspects, having noted a subtle shift in your scent when he arrived.

You wipe your mouth, not wanting to say the words aloud. The words that Madja had told you three days ago, the words that caused you to shut down until now.

“I’m pregnant,” you say, head leaning against the toilet seat. “All Cass wanted was to be a dad. Now I’m pregnant and he’s dead.”

A forced laugh comes from you.

“It’s not fair, Az.”

Your words hang in the air, and your friend responds by wrapping his arms around you, and pulling you into his lap. He nuzzles his head into your shoulder, his breath shuddering as he cries softly into your hair.

The two of you lay there, the cool bathroom tile digging imprints into your skin as he holds you, tears streaming from both of you.

-

Several months along in your pregnancy, and Azriel has essentially moved in with you full time. He takes meticulous care of you and the babe - he goes to your appointments with Madja with you, he goes baby shopping with you, he even put together the crib in your room.

He was your late husband’s brother. He was stepping up, knowing that Cassian would want him to help you. And yet your dreams wouldn’t stop being so perverse.

For the past month, every night without fail you dreamt of Azriel. Every dream was different - some of places you’ve gone before, places you only know of because Azriel described them.

The dreams were weird and disorienting, but you left them there. They were dreams.

About how beautiful he was. About his hands, his wings, his shoulders, his thighs.

Every day you’d wake up full of shame at where your mind takes you against your will.

-

“Az,” you say, a serious look on your face. “Something’s wrong.”

He looks over to you, glasses perched on his nose. The knife in his hand clatters, landing on the cutting board, a piece of carrot tumbling to the floor as he moves to you quickly.

Your breathing becomes more shallow, and you hold your hands out, reaching for his. Once his fingers reach yours, you bring his hands to your bump.

Just as he’s about to ask what the problem is, he feels a soft thump against his scarred hand. He can’t control the soft laugh that comes from him, and he can’t help but cradle your bump just a little tighter.

He looks back up to you, a mischievous glint in your eye.

“I thought something was wrong.”

You smile, “I know - that’s what makes it fun.”

-

Almost eight months had passed since Cassian’s death, and you were finally able to hear his name without breaking down. Azriel was the only one you would talk to about him, though.

It felt right to talk about Cassian to Azriel. It felt right to plunge yourself back into the memories of him - his boisterous laugh, his insistence on touching someone at all times, his presence in rooms.

It felt right, and the babe in your belly would kick frequently whenever Azriel spoke to you about Cassian, as if they knew who you were talking about.

It felt so right, and yet so wrong. Every night before bed you replayed the memories of the day, desperately trying to insert Cassian into Azriel’s spot in them.

He never fit perfectly into them, the edges of him not quite the right size.

-

This was too much.

You were an absolute fool to believe you could do this. To not only birth but to raise your dead husband’s babe. Who let you do this? Who thought this was a good idea?

“Hey.”

Azriel’s voice vibrates through you, pulling you from your thoughts, his large frame behind you. Your back pressed to his chest, his arms helping hold your legs up.

You lean your head against him.

“This was a terrible, terrible idea.”

He smiles, “Cassian never was known for good ideas.”

Your face contorts in agony, a strong cramping pain rippling through you.

Azriel takes the wet cloth from the nurse to his left, holding it on your forehead. “I’m so proud of you. You’re doing so well.”

You scoff, “if I was doing well, the babe would be out by now!”

Azriel takes your jabs, your sarcasm, the intense squeezing of his hand in yours. He’ll take everything you throw at him.

After about eight hours, you were blessed by the cauldron with a beautiful boy, tiny wings clinging to his back as he cried.

-

Azriel’s presence didn’t stop after the babe, Camden, was born. If anything, he spent more time with you. He delegated much of his work as spymaster to support you, even going so far as helping coordinate schedules for Feyre or Nesta to help you bathe.

In the first few weeks, you were able to move around, but you were utterly exhausted. Not just the physical demands of your babe and recovering from birthing a winged babe, but also the emotional toll this took on you left you unable to care much for yourself.

You had thought being bathed would make you feel like a burden, but Feyre and Nesta did everything to make you feel so loved instead. They lit candles, rubbed your back, and told you how proud of you they were constantly. Their words never failed to make you cry, the task at hand feeling impossible if you thought about it too hard.

Eventually, after weeks of sleepless nights, feeling like nothing more than a cow for milk, you and Azriel were able to settle into a routine.

He took care of the babe at night, allowing you decent sleep. He brought Camden to you for his middle of the night feedings. You took care of Camden during the morning through early afternoon while Azriel attended to his duties. The two of you cooked dinner together, Azriel always insisting on washing dishes afterwards.

After a while, it all felt so normal. As if Cassian was never meant to be here for this part.

-

A few months after your son’s first birthday all Hell broke loose. It was a regular day. The sun still shone as it always does, your son was as beautiful as ever. Azriel was holding Camden in the air, helping him stretch out his wings, when he spoke for the first time.

A soft dada accompanied the little boy’s giggles, followed by Azriel stiffening immediately. You looked to the shadowsinger, and when his eyes met yours, you knew.

As if a golden thread appeared out of thin air, tying a knot from Azriel to you, you could feel him. You pulled an experimental tug in the bond, and he pulled back.

Wide eyes meet each other from across the room, silent except for Camden’s continued giggles. You stare at him bewildered, your expression mirrored back to you on his face.

A high pitched noise starts ringing in your eyes before everything goes black.

-

“It’s a bit of a cruel joke,” you say. “I want to love him, I want to be with my mate. But what kind of person does that to her deceased husband?”

You had woken up in Rhys’s office twenty minutes ago to your head in Feyre’s lap, her hands gently running through your hair.

You had heard bits of hushed conversation, and you thought you had heard Az, but when you came to, he was nowhere to be seen.

Rhys looks contemplative before saying, “you of all people should know that Cassian would have wanted you to be happy.”

You put your head in your hands, gathering to courage to say your worst thoughts out loud.

“It feels like Cassian died for me. I know he didn’t, but I can’t help but feel like if he had survived, would Azriel still be my mate? He would have let me be with him, yes, but just.”

You sigh, trying to grab the fragmented thoughts in your head and place them together. Rhys lets you, allowing silence to fill the room.

“It would have killed him having to watch me choose Azriel over him. He would have done the respectable thing, he would have stepped back. He would have been happy for us.”

You sigh, “but if it were the other way, if Nesta or Elain were his mate, I’m not sure I could give him up.”

Your words come pouring out quickly before you begin sobbing. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. His hands wrap around your head, and he gently smooths your hair down.

“Feyre and I are immensely happy for you, despite the circumstances. Both of you. I know you might not feel like it, but you made your own family.”

-

You found Azriel a few hours later in what used to be his room in the townhouse. He hardly stayed here, hardly stayed at any of Rhys’s estates anymore, opting instead for the comfort of the home you two now shared.

“Hi,” you say tentatively, stepping through the door.

“Hi,” he echos back, turning to see you.

“Crazy day,” you say, pulling lightly on the bond. He cracks a smile, but there’s a sadness deep in his gaze that you haven’t seen in months.

He moves towards you, slow and deliberate steps, as if you were a bunny found in the woods easily scared off.

“Do you want this?” He asks, eyes focused on your own.

You nod your head. He nods back.

“I dreamt of you. For months, years even. Since about halfway through my pregnancy, you’ve been in my dreams most nights.”

He watches you speak, letting you say whatever it is you need to. You take a deep breath before continuing.

“I don’t want to forget Cass, and I don’t want you to feel like you’re replacing him. I can love both of you.”

He steps closer, slowly moving towards you until he’s stopped right in front of you, his wings blocking you in.

“It’s unconventional, I understand. And I understand if you don’t want a widow with a child.” You look up towards him, determination in your eyes. “But I am all in.”

He gently cups your cheek, eyes full of conflict. “It won’t be easy,” he muses.

“Nothing about this has been easy, why start now?”

His face slowly moves closer to yours, his lips gentle against your own. His hands still hold you gently, as he kisses you long and slow.

There would be time for passion later, his kiss now is full of the emotions words can’t convey. Adoration, sacrifice, immense grief.

You thought having Azriel kiss you would make you feel like you were betraying Cassian. Instead you feel an overwhelming sense of rightness as your hands cup his jaw back, pouring every ounce of you into him.

-

You and Azriel look out at your backyard, watching Nyx and Camden run around, play fighting with their swords. The two boys occasionally take short flights, only about a foot or so off the ground.

Azriel wraps his arms around you, pressing his face into the crook of your neck. You close your eyes, letting yourself feel this moment, allowing the sounds of the boys playing and your mate’s breathing to lull you into some form of peace you never thought you’d find again.

[fereldanwench]

the assumption that anyone who is dissatisfied with lucanis' romance expected it to be like z*vran's is hilarious in my case bc i could never get into z*vran's romance specifically bc he comes on way too strong lmao

i knew 3 things about lucanis going into the game (besides the big stuff, like being an assassin possessed by a demon): he likes coffee, he's supposed to be a little aloof and socialyl awkward, and mary kirby tweeted that she wrote him specifically to be "the sole bisexual disaster" of the crew

so i went into this full expecting a slow burn with him being afraid of his feelings because of the possession and The Horrors™️ he's been through in general

but instead spite is like the third-wheel comic relief half the time and in lieu of slowly building tension we just have to wait longer to trigger fewer scenes lmao

and there very much seems to be missing content. i think there are official artboards floating around that show a sexy lake scene with him that was cut, so that's great, but just looking at what's in the game gives that impression. like after he gets his first talon title, he says something like "i have other plans for tonight" in a low voice when you ask if he wants to leave in the middle of the celebration--i thought we were finally gonna get a proper smooch at the very least! but no! nothing!

and i took this screenshot earlier today when i think i kinda just had it. finally do get a 'confirmed-romantic-date' scene with him and he just comes and stands next to you while spite drinks ??? his coffee

THIS IS VERY SILLY!!!!

anyway

i might come back to his romance later now that i know what I'm in for, but i have been very disappointed. all signs pointed to a character and romance that is 100% my jam, but instead i just got a really disjointed experience that left me wondering if i borked his romance until, like, the beginning of the 3rd act when i had already committed 60-70 hours to this run

[emotional-mess-in-distress]

how you feeling after that last episode fellow roseco CEO

HELLO!!

Glad I have the reputation to be part of the nicorose/roseco ceos let's goo!!

As to how I feel.

Oh boy.

Well I'd say both heartbroken and satisfied.

Personally I've seen this type of fallout coming for awhile I was just curious as to how they would address it. We knew Rose was hurt by Nico's actions. More specifically the turpentine fiasco because it truly was a betrayal to her.

But we didn't know just how much she valued their time together until now! Rose is not the best at externalising emotions, and that's ok it's just the kinda person she is, you can't decern her feelings on something very easily. But she is someone who feels things very deeply, which makes for an interesting character, she's hurt confused and anxious about the killing game but she comes off as nonchalant and relaxed. A big part of this is due to her narcolepsy but that's a convo for another day.

Anyway I'm pleasantly surprised by how much it's revealed Rose cared for Nico. She even considered them a friend, she enjoyed their time together painting a whole lot. While it might seem small, for Rose, who has said that days blend together in her mind and everything feels like a big blob of disjointed time, the painting class must have been a stand out moment in the fogginess of what's happening to them all.

Also let's not forget Rose gave Nico her paintings (the ones of Min and Xander that she covered up with black paint).

To know she valued them so much is very sweet... Unfortunately it seems Nico didn't exactly reciprocate the feeling.

Nico doesn't trust anyone here. While Rose clearly trusted them enough to feel betrayed by their actions.

However it is interesting to point out this interaction:

Nico didn't say anything here so we can't really assume they don't care for Rose at all. Just that they don't trust her.

I think Nico did come around to care about her while they were hanging out together but the murder plan took priority. They forced themselves to not get too attached to the idea of a friendship between them because, if they were successful, Rose would've died anyway, so it would have been unnecessary pain to care for her when they knew what they were doing.

I'm very curious to see how this relationship moves forward, I suspect Nico doesn't completely grasp just how much they've hurt Rose, I also think they've formed an attachment to her regardless of how much they tried not to before committing the murder. So I think moving forward they will remain fairly friendly (for Nico standards) with her. I'm curious to see how Rose will approach this moving forward, I think she might just not want anything to do with em, but we will see.

So yeah those are my thoughts on them both so far ^^

I feel like we won and lost at the same time lmao, I'm curious to see what you think of it all as well :)

[siflshonen]

Hi there! I stumbled across your mha deep dives and I just wanted to say thank you, it really helped me understand mha a little better!

It’s frustrating being in the western fandom because a lot of the specifically Japanese ideas are unknown to a lot of the Western audience. And i get it, as a westerner myself I had very little idea as to any sort of Important Context that would be clear to Japanese readers. So I really appreciate that you took the time to even try to explain it!

With that being said, I’ve been wondering how you viewed the end of mha, and how the villains were treated. Do you think they could have been saved (or even Should have)? Could they have been redeemed? It’s so depressing for the big three (Shiggy, Dabi, and Toga) to have been teased as being able to be saved, then in the end they all just,,,die.

How do you view Izuku losing OfA? Personally, I would have thought that if he didn’t keep the power he would have become the First Quirkless Pro Hero, (there are so, SO many fanfics exploring that!), but in canon he just,,,gives up? I suppose in the collectivist view, of course he would give up. But that feels so,,,empty from a western perspective. I suppose I answered my own question of why couldn’t he be a quirkless hero lol.

I suppose I’m truly wondering how the ending of mha was supposed to be recieved, with all the cultural knowledge and everything.

I am so sorry this feels so long and disjointed, and feel free to ignore this if it doesnt make sense! (Or if you don’t have any answers, sorry for putting all this on you)

I don’t have a super well-researched and cited answer, but I can follow my heart on this one.

The only villain I’m truly sad about is Himiko, though even in that case I appreciate that she went with dignity, she went with reciprocated love, and she died as she did because it was HER choice. While I would have preferred to keep Shigaraki alive, I can’t say I miss him all that much. And besides, he regained himself and his autonomy at the end and played a part in the destruction of the thing that held him down and even the thing on which his father’s cruel house was ACTUALLY built: All for One and his meddling.

Touya’s story is tragic, but his death and the way in which it will happen is a mercy. I think it’s great when other folks imagine new endings to suit what they like, but I don’t entertain other viewpoints about his on-the-page fate.

In any case, all three of their “hearts”, if you will, were actually saved in the way most important to them. And they even got to stick it to society by refusing to give up what they wanted and be integrated into it. Death is a pretty clean and irrevocable way to separate oneself from a society, and it is an effective way to haunt the minds and hearts of those who witness those deaths and have to understand that that the person who died hated so much the idea of joining society that much.

That isn’t exactly Toya, Himiko, or Shigaraki’s character motive, but I feel like it’s worth pointing out that other cultures can view death as a kind of revenge instead of someone just trying to make the pain of existing stop. Anyway.

I kinda figured that Izuku becoming a teacher was meant to be him accepting his place in the world and indeed accepting reality now that his dream was over, which is seen as a mark of maturity to just get on with what he’s given. That Kacchan specifically spearheaded the development of his suit and was the one to hold out his hand isn’t just a character moment to show how Katsuki intends to continue to atone, I don’t think. I think it’s also because:

A) Katsuki is Izuku’s link to and representation of the quirked world, and specifically the quirked world of Heroes. He always has been, as he’s the person “closer to [Izuku] than All Might.” As long as he exists, Izuku is tethered to that world somehow and has a way to enter/re-enter it somehow.

B) Relatedly, I interpret Katsuki as an embodiment of individual will and individual’s heart’s desire continuing to remain true in the face of the collective (even after he begins to accept and work with the collective), so it makes sense that he’s the one to pursue and nurture Izuku’s “selfish” and outlandish dream of being a superhero even while Izuku himself falls in line. Put another way, Katsuki is, in many ways, an embodiment of Izuku’s heart’s desire - mostly because the two of them have the same heart’s desire.

Though, speaking as a Westerner as well, Izuku’s choices at the end of the manga don’t sit well with me, either, but this is just as much part of why I’m too much of a westerner to completely see eye-to-eye with Izuku throughout the story as it is a comment on the ending.

Most of all, I think it’s ridiculous that Hawks didn’t get Izuku’s Hero suit funded/in development the minute he took the position at the SPC, or that whatever was left of the Hero system before that happened didn’t already have it in the works. It strikes me as EXTREMELY weird.

I have other thoughts about Izuku and Katsuki’s ending, but they’re mostly reflections about other shonen manga past than anything meaningful to say here.

[flavoracle]

Retconning My Life

Last weekend my ex-spouse and I were able to sit down and have a conversation that was very difficult, but also very productive. Honestly, it’s way more progress towards healing than I ever thought would be possible with my ex.

Since my wife and my ex-spouse are very close friends, my wife was there for the conversation as well, and one of the first questions she asked my ex-spouse was, “How much of your relationship did you know that you were only attracted to women?”

“Oh, the whole time,” was their response.

“Did you know you weren’t attracted to Dave before you started dating?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

Now, the point of this post is NOT to criticize my ex or blame them for the pain I’ve experienced. There are a lot of pressures and reasons that keep different people in the closet, and I’m not here to judge them for it.

After all, I don’t know how it feels to spend fifteen years in a relationship where I felt like I had to stay in the closet.

At the same time, I sincerely hope that they will never know how it feels to spend fifteen years in a relationship with someone who doesn’t actually want you. Or to spend fifteen years in a relationship being lied to by the person you trust the most in the whole world.

For those of you that have followed my blog for a while, you might know that being a loving and supportive husband was a major part of my identity. It was something I thought I was really good at and I took a lot of personal pride in. (Though I tried to not be overly arrogant or obnoxious about it.) And one of the main reasons I was good at it is because the person I was looking to for feedback never told me how they actually felt about me or our relationship.

So now I’m trying to process this new information and from a narrative standpoint it’s like going back and retconning a major characteristic for the majority of my adult life up to this point. Because instead of being a guy who was actually good at making his spouse feel happy, supported, and loved, it turns I was actually a super oblivious guy who just THOUGHT he was good at those things, while actually infuriating his spouse by constantly focusing on the relationship and how to increase the love and affection within it.

If you’re reading this post and thinking, “I have no idea to respond to this,” then that is 100% fair and valid. Because honestly I have no idea what kind of response I’m hoping to get.

I guess during a time where my very reality feels so subjective and disjointed, there’s a kind of comfort sharing here on Tumblr where reality has ALWAYS been subjective and disjointed.

In a world that currently feels unreal, it’s kinda nice to come back to a place that has always felt a bit unreal.

[tartigglez]

HIIIII CAN I BE 🫧 ANON?? ILY THANKS!!!

could i get diluc (+ ur favs!!) assisting reader who’s hurt in battle :(( jus want my darknight hero to come rescue me 😮‍💨😮‍💨

hi nonnie! sorry it took me a while to get this done. i honestly don't really like what i've come up with but i hope its something along the lines of what you were looking for! also, i decided to make this a oneshot as opposed to hc's, so enjoy!

"do not concern yourself with such matters"

diluc x gn!reader

genre: fluff, hurt/comfort (???)

word count: 900-ish

tags: lol get rescued ig, diluc doesn't know how to interact normally which is lowkey kinda funny, reader gets injured, physical contact/being carried?

tw/cw: cuts, wounds, generally just,, pain? also diluc lowkey just takes the reader to his house while they're unconscious (no negative intent), idk how to put this other than "examining the thighs" of the reader but he's TREATING A CUT OKAY? i think that's it?

a/n: eek this took to long to write bc i was being lazy, so it might feel a little disjointed or as celeste would put it: "might read like a wet dog"

cryo abyss mage.

23:00 

200m from dawn winery.

you awoke with a pounding head, and little to no feeling in any part of your body, blurry vision and barely any consciousness, just feeling icy, freezing. you noticed nothing but pure, vibrant vermillion, before closing your eyes again, not knowing at all what was going on, completely unaware.

23:35

50m from dawn winery

slowly willing your eyes open, in a daze, with your head resting against something warm, comforting, you could hear loud breathing, and some sort of fast movement… running? someone was… carrying you? with it being far too exhausting to stay awake, you closed your eyes once again...

00:30

dawn winery

you awakened in a warm room, in some sort of bed. a cosy blanket covered your legs and waist, and your head rested on soft pillows. you had very little recollection of anything that happened, but still felt oddly safe. upon looking around the room, you saw a few dimly lit lamps, oak furniture, some sort of grand vanity set, and wooden floorboards. 

the stream of thoughts running through your head was interrupted by the entrance of a tall, handsome man, dressed in a black t-shirt and some sort of lounge trousers, wearing thinly rimmed glasses, sporting the same vermillion locks you had envisioned earlier. and he was… carrying two glasses of water? this man was… what was his name? the bartender… ah, yes!

“master ragnvindr? what.. are you doing here? what am i doing here? what happened?”

“there is no need for being so formal, since we’ve spoken before. then again perhaps you don’t remember, you were rather intoxicated. call me diluc. as for what i’m doing here, this is my home, why wouldn’t i be here? as for what happened, and why you are here… i think you might need a lesson on why we shouldn't approach enemies alone, hm?

“but… the abyss mage. it was outside th-”

“i took care of it. don’t worry”

“i-okay”

there was a silence in the room, which was somewhat uncomfortable, awkward, but not unbearable, and you knew it was up to you to break it. 

“what…”

“what happened?”

“i presume from your injuries, and the fact that the mage was no longer shielded that you managed to break its shield before it hit you with an attack. judging by your current symptoms it seems that it hit you with some sort of direct cryo energy to the head, which explains your lack of consciousness” 

“but… why were you…?”

“do not concern yourself with such matters”

“i… but–”

“here, i brought you water. you should focus on recovering for now. how are you feeling?”

he moved himself to sit next to you on the bed, as you sat up to take the glass out of his hand. 

“thanks… i’m okay, just a bit achey”

“achey? did you sustain any other injuries?”

“uh, my leg feels a little weird, but don’t worry about it, i’m sure it’s fine”

"if you are injured, you must tell me.”

“i think it might be cut but… it’s fine, i’ll deal with it”

“where?”

“oh… uh-”

“where.”

his tone was stern, but certainly not angry. somehow gentle but assertive at the same time.

“uh, somewhere on my thigh, i think-”

“give me one moment.”

he got up and abruptly left the room. this diluc -as you now called him- certainly was a strange, strange man…

you then heard the door into the room click closed once again. the man was now holding a first aid kit, and what looked like a pair of shorts… how odd. 

“here, change into these and i’ll have a look at it.”

“but… master diluc, don’t you think that’s a little-”

“a little what?”

“uh, nothing, nevermind…”

“i’ll be back in a few”

“oh, uhm, okay…”

and so, seemingly having no other option, you slowly, somewhat painfully changed into the shorts, noticing a lesion on your right thigh. it wasn’t particularly deep, but it was long, and still bleeding a little bit.

a knock on the door put an end to your thoughts.

“are you done? may i come in?”

“uh… yeah.”

he slowly opened the door, you sitting on his bed looking at your wound, and him looking concerned. he then sat down on the bed beside you, after lifting the first aid kit from the dresser where he had left it. he proceeded to lift some antiseptic out, to start cleaning the wound. 

“here, this might sting a bit”

he pushed the hem of the shorts up your leg a bit so he could have full access to the cut. he then began dabbing at it with the cotton.

“agh, it hurts”

that feeling was immense pain, and you felt a little childish, having your injuries tended to like this.

purely by natural instinct, diluc moved his free hand to one of yours, interlacing your fingers with his and squeezing gently. his hand was warm and calloused, and he was extremely focused on the task at hand, so he didn’t seem to notice you admiring his rather striking features.

“you’re okay, i’m almost done”

you hissed in pain, burying your head into his shoulder out of instinct. thankfully he didn’t seem to mind. 

“there, done. are you alright?"

“yeah, yeah, thank you”

“not a problem. do you need anything else?”

“uh, no, i don’t think so”

“alright, in that case then, i'll be going to bed.”

“wait”

“yes?”

“uh…”

“uh?”

“can you… stay?”

“i was waiting for that”

(au where diluc is secretly a flirty bastard)

[dashielldeveron]

Hi Dash! I hope you're doing well. I'm writing this ask literally 1 hour before I need to leave for one of my sem finals (which I'll be fine at hopefully, since I studied). But while I was anxiously awaiting purgatory, I read one of my favourite of your works again - Monoma's route in Soulmate Trope. Istg I am not exaggerating, no writing has made me laugh harder than that single scene where he just... wordlessly pulled down his pants. I laughed so hard that my roommate had to come check on me. And the word "cum gutter" had dealt irreversible psychic damage to my brain. Sometimes while doing some mundane stuff, I think back about that scene, or countless other scenes from the book and had to remind myself I'm in public. I've only watched MHA up till season 3 and a bit into 4 but I was kinda already spoiled about the ending, so I'm so in love with the world you build there. I've always kinda wanted to try writing my own work because I sometimes have a budding idea that had me go, 'oh I think that'd make an interesting story', but then I realised I suck at writing. Writing just 1000 words took me an hour or more, I don't know how you wrote 60k words for 1 chapter!! That's absolutely insane. Also also, because your writing is so hilarious, when you get emotional, it hits so hard. "and i've gotta crow" is absolutely one of my all time favourite fan work, though idk what the title means. My writing, just after the first few paragraphs, feels like sandpaper to read. But your work really inspired me to want to at least try, even if I don't post anything. Especially after my finals, I'm going to try shitting this one idea out of my head in the summer (oh I'm in Australia so my summer is almost here). So yeah thank you for making me laughed so hard and also fingerbanged my heart. If you have nothing better to do, would you mind sharing your general writing process with me? As in, is there a forbidden jutsu move that amazing authors use when writing? For me, I feel like I'm typing and deleting and retyping until it forms a coherent sentence, but after putting them together it's dryer than my chicken breast that I forgot for 30 minutes in the oven. If not it's okay too, I hope you have a wonderful day!

yes.......YES.........let the monoma adoration flow through you!!!! we need more people in our monoma coterie!!! it's now you, me, 📌 anon, and like, two other anons i believe???? we are officially a Club, i say!!!

writing discussion/advice/process under the cut

okay, who told you you suck at writing? and why do they think so??? odds are you don't. odds are, you're overthinking your own work too much. when i look at stuff i've written, i see the writing process in every sentence, and odds are, you might, too. seeing the process takes away parts of being able to immerse yourself in the writing. so, your stuff probably isn't bad; it's just that you know all about how it was made!!!

writing takes me a long time! mostly bc i have academic/work writing to do all the time, so writing fic as my breaks from work isn't always efficient and fun. and i'm pretty sure some people may get frustrated with me for taking so long to update, but that's just how my life is rn. it's ultimately perfectly fine if you take a long time, though, because this is a hobby. we're not getting paid for this. we're providing art for free.

anyway......my process.....hmm. well. step one is to be haunted by visions.

step one is actually to think about that first idea you have to spark the fic. doesn't matter if it's in the middle or end, or anything. and you want to consider what kind of people would get in this situation (helps define what kind of character reader will be) and what could possibly lead up to it. it's okay if it seems like a bunch of disjointed ideas at first.

i am a big outliner, but i always allow seredipity during the writing process. as in, if something starts happening that's cool that i didn't plan, i'm cool with it, so long as it makes sense for the characters.

so, if i start a fic, i will start with an outline that's just a list of things i want to happen in the fic. sometimes it's specific events, and sometimes, it's something like "and they get romantically closer here through some tragic accident." put those events in an order that makes sense for the emotional progression of your characters.

i also keep running lists of hot lines of dialogue that i come up with, sexy outfits to put people in, sexy gestures, domestic things that would ruin me, or other fic-specific lists--like for tenko's soulmate route, i kept a running list of weird facts that reader could bring up. not many ended up going in the fic, but still.

like, this is a screenshot of a working outline/list from aizawa's route:

not all of this happened!! and more scenes got way fleshed out!!! i plan for Large Events and Emotional Resonance, but i am open to strange directions that just happen while writing the scene itself, so long as i get to where i need to go eventually. like.....the only one bed stuff on the undercover mission never happened, because suddenly, the club scene got super detailed, and aizawa would probably be too exhausted to spend the proper time having the argument, let alone sex, with reader that night.

but basically, i always want to know where i'll end up, even if i don't know how i'm going to get there. because the process of the characters getting there is where fun, detailed, character work happens. bc if your characters are distinct enough, they'll drive the story more than whatever plot you have.

i'm not every writer ever (obviously), so i know that more thorough outlining or not planning at all works better for other people!!! maybe try experimenting with completely planning and completely pantsing some shorter stories to see what works better for you.

i don't have a daily routine for writing bc i am Busy All the Time, but i carry a notebook in my purse if i am struck with visions, and when i type on my computer, i usually turn on an ambient mix from ambient.mix.com to block out other stuff. usually, i can find an ambience to fit the mood of the scene i'm writing, too lol, which doesn't necessary help but makes things more fun.

i honestly think i spend more time daydreaming about the story than writing it?? i am a big advocate for daydreaming. it's important that you spend time thinking about everything that could go wrong, bc it often makes for a better story if it's fucked up, somehow. idk it may also be bc of work that i'm away from a computer so often. i like writing in the notebook by hand bc it's less pressure to make it "good," and so i can edit as i type it in a word doc later.

and editing is, of course a huge part of the writing process!!! i would say it'd be weirder to write a sentence just right the first time, as opposed to deleting and rephrasing repeatedly! you're doing just fine!

but i wouldn't say there's any secret besides doing it a lot!!!! i know i'm not a great writer, but i know i'm okay, and that's the result of working and practising it for about two decades now. i just have practise, read a lot, and spend a lot of time, academically, discussing written stories.

so!!! if you're feeling like your stuff isn't as good as you want it to be, you just need to start allowing yourself to suck!!! nothing is perfect the first time!!! and eventually, you can edit your sucky stuff into stuff that's compelling.

good luck with your semi finals and finals!!! and thaaaaaank you for 1) valuing my advice as an artist (gosh!!!!!) and for 2) saying such nice things about the silly little stories i write!!!! it means a lot to me!!! you're so kind!!!!! i hope any of this helped at all!!!! and i hope your day is peaceful!!!! xx.

[overpoweredcacti]

S17 Ep5 post-watch recap

I have way too many thoughts, this is going to be long and probably disjointed.

So I feel like a lot happened, but at the same time not really? Overall though, so far I'm really here for this Gold Star mystery and the MK Ultra/behavior modification/Frankenstein's monster stuff around it, I just hope they commit to it? I know so far they've made it a point multiple times how it's a "conspiracy theory" and it's "based on a half-truth" and so on but at the same time things just don't add up? Most notably, if the government has nothing to do with this, why would they care enough to hide it? Who has enough influence to stage Emily's arrest etc?

Anyway, since this was very complex I'll try to break it down to characters.

Damien/Jade

Honestly? I'm really enjoying them so far? They have a fun dynamic?Wish I knew their actual ages, maybe it was shown and I just didn't pay attention. I think Aiden was around 26? So I'm assuming they are around the same , give or take 2-3 years. So these 2 meet up, 1 is dead ("assassinated by the FBI", which is an interesting way to phrase it. I wonder if that will come back on either Rossi or Emily. One giving the order, the other following it.) And Peter and Dana are 'missing', and we have no idea what they look like. Okay, cool.

So they are tech savy enough to operate Voit's network (wasn't that used to be a weather app lol? That whole comment on people posting their racist opinions on that neighbor app, which was featured in ep 3 too, seems like a reference that my not-american brain is not clicking with) and they can put together bombs. It was weird that nobody picked up on the fact that Jade has to be in the park to make that call? Why was everyone just standing in a circle and worrying when they could have sent people to scour the area lol All the while ignoring Voit who was at least smart enough to not run.

Voit

So Voit. This little shit. Every scene he was in I just kept repeating 'you little shit'. Very entertaining bordering on frustrating. His whole demeanor of being like a kid in candy store was funny I'll admit that. That first scene with him going "Dave Dave Dave" took me out. My dude is def dying by the end of the season tho. They can't keep him around for much longer. And I honestly can't tell if him doing morse code was meant to be noticed by the team or not. Because I'm thinking that he is in fact making up the identity of "North Star" and trying to get someone killed? Also, that reveal that he gave the identity of the strike team to Damien? Chef's kiss. He's truly Hannibal Lectering this season. Aaand he has a point with Garcia and Tyler and that whole fiasco last season. I'm glad they are bringing that up because that should have some kind of consequence. (Voit giving them a ship name tho? And talking about carbon footprints? I'm not sure I like him sounding like stan twitter. I mean it's obviously a reference for the fandom to get, but still. It's...a writing choice for sure.)

Garcia/Tyler/Luke

I'm lumping them together because the show is apparently committing to the love triangle bit. Which I'm not that big of a fan of, in general.

This might be an unpopular opinion but the more episodes we have the more I feel like the show doesn't really know what to do with Garcia this season? Like that entire exchange in her office, that ends up with them being back in the bullpen? It was...weird? So Voit smells, okay, cool, did we need to spend this much time on this? It honestly felt like a waste of time that didn't lead anywhere because we are back at the bullpen anyway? Like, narratively, what was the point here?

Luke is still not checking on JJ after throwing a bomb on her, cool lol. Love that he was the one deciphering the morse code tho, and that he dismantled the bomb. Love it when the show remembers character traits.

Tyler remains another frustrating part of this season for me? Everytime he does something where I go "hey cool, that's nice, I kinda like you" he immediately does something else where I go "okay, go fuck yourself now". Like, doing off-the-books work for Emily? Great, cool, love it. And then goes behind her back like it's nothing. So 'Teresa' might be an actual person, but the phrase could also be relevant? Maybe it's another anagram, idk. Either way he's warning someone while keeping Emily in the dark. In conclusion, I don't trust him lol.

Emily

So the framed arrest/mugshots are coming into play, that's great, I'm glad there was a point to that. (Weird choice to drop the name of an actual existing website as the leak but okay). Someone is really out to get her that is connected to this whole ordeal but there's no indication it's either Damian or Jade. Someone also convinced Brian to change face. Also, was he trying to gaslight her? Is that going to be a part of Emily's "breakdown arc" that she is questioning her own sanity? That could be interesting. Or, we are going full scifi and they made him somehow forget his previous alignments. Seems unlikely, but who knows. Anyway, she is on restricted duty and is clearly over it. Just, everything. Great scene by the end. She was going to back to her "spy roots" and moral grayness and it's slowly breaking her. Genuinely think she is one of the most complex characters of this entire show. (Shout out to her speaking Russian too. I know it's just a phrase but it's a nice callback.) Love her bond with Rossi as well. And just all her scenes, great. If there's a character I'm really happy with this season, it's Emily.

Rossi

Honestly not that much to talk about? For the audience this is not the first time he interacts with Voit, but great scenes. He is also losing it, clearly. Maybe I expected a bit more? Confusion, at least? As in, having a hard time differentiating with the real Voit and his halluciVoit?

JJ

I'm biting my fist every time JJ is on screen because I'm just so nervous how that is going to end. She is clearly not okay, everyone is dealing with something and not taking notice of her issues. Loved to see her in charge on the field. She was also the only one competent enough to finally tell someone to shoot the wheels, lmao.

Tara

Tara wasn't given a lot this episode tbh. She was aiding Luke, sure, but this may have been her least active episode. So we have the scene with Rebecca losing her shit, that she's in danger, okay. I mean, they are cute? Wish they would talk more instead, but cute scene at the end, none the less.

I have absolutely no idea where the next episode is going lol. I expected a cliffhanger, we didn't get a cliffhanger. Zero clue as to what comes next.

[tricos-here]

EYE would like to know about the Mei lore 🙋‍♀️

well uhm! the thing is I have a bunch of scattered lore points that I still don't know how to connect together and/or what they're supposed to lead to but you can have some disjointed bullet points

she was actually born into the White Mantle, was yoinked out of there by the Shining Blade during a particular raid, while she was still a baby

was adopted by a noble family as some kinda PR move but only stayed w them for little more than a year before being given to the Church of Lyssa - she dropped the noble family's name, Ermenred, and instead took up Donnadieu ( "meaning “given to God”, surname given to a child because they were given to a priest or monastery or either an orpan")

she's besties with Raph, they grew up together in the same Church congregation

Raph (at the time working w the Seraph) also helped her hide the body of her creep bf after Mei stabbed him but dw about that

somewhere between the Church and being picked up by the Mesmer Collective she'd go on some type of spec ops missions, mostly dealing with excess magic, retrieving artifacts etc

one such mission was to go undercover and infiltrate the White Mantle, which is how she ended up getting the tattoo across her torso and neck - she also picked up on a lot of their tricks ie mesmer abilities and utilizing bloodstone in said abilities

she'd also later joined a raiding guild called Solargarde, which is partially funded by the Mesmer Collective (Mei being one of their tie-ins), she's canonically been through most if not all the in-game raids, including facing Matthias and Xera, and getting her soul punched out of her body by Dhuum (it's ok she got better)

might be kinda lore breaking but she was a 'virtuoso' from the get-go and not after like. visiting cantha and discovering it - she doesn't really like looking at her own clones

there's probably more but 🏃‍♀️💨 this will have to do

on less serious fun facts she has two bloodhounds named vanessamarie and amelie and her middle name is eloise which she lowkey prefers to mei but nobody ever picks up on it

[alienducky]

I've been having thoughts about Fire Emblem Three Houses/Hopes before game timeline, as in, how old Rhea and Seteth and the other Nabs are?

Someone else might have already figured this out, but I've not looked because I don't know what search words to use, and also I want to babble

Cut for very disjointed and meandering babbling about Nabataean ages, growth spurts, and eventual Sothis landing-war-now timeline

~~

So in Hopes we got that cutscene/flashback at the start of a battle showing the Nabs fighting the Agathans, and they all look exactly the same then, 1,000 years ago, as they do now in game.

So with that, I think it's safe to say that they age a fair bit slower than humans do.

(There's also the Arval paralogue, where the only difference is the hair colour, but I'm willing to go with a crack theory of Arval being colourblind or something. Or that fight was before the other one and they didn't discover hair dye till afterwards. Made from moss, I guess?)

But anyway.

Seeing as they didn't age at all in 1,000 years, it must have taken a fair bit longer than that for them to go from being baby to adult. Possibly 2-3,000 years? Probably closer to 4-5,000, or more for Rhea and Seteth?

(Unless, and sorry for the tangent, unless another theory I have is right and Sothis didn't birth her children, but instead gifted powers to some of the human habitants of the world which then changed them into Nabs, kinda like how the Agathans "gifted" crests to Edelgard and Lysithea, and originally the 10 Elites. They had to get the idea from somewhere, right?)

But even if Sothis' children were converted humans, Flayn is next gen, and thus was born-born. So she at least has definitely grown from baby to vaguely teenage, which takes time. How much time is the question though. Because I don't think she'd also be several thousand years old at the war, because she doesn't seem that... Dunno how to phrase it. So I'm going to say she's maybe 200/300, and that the healing sleep doesn't age you, and then it takes a while after you wake up before you start aging again? Meaning she's due a growth spurt in the routes where she survives?

Another tangent, but I have to wonder what Seteth's plan was for that. Because while fine, adults don't change appearance all that much after becoming adults, teenagers do? And he's brought her to a school. Full of teenagers who are all growing. Was the plan to never let past students come back after they graduate? Hope that none of the staff who work there their entire lives notice that "Hmmm, that young Flayn hasn't grown an inch in the last 50 years"?!? Stay a year or two, then go away for a month and bring her back with a new hairstyle and claim it's her cousin??? What was the plan Seteth?!?!?!?

Ahem

So yeah. Working on the basis that the Saints were several thousand years old at the time of the war, that means that Sothis had landed in what is now Fodlan several thousand years ago, and had been ruling for a long time.

Which means we have:

- Sothis landing

- Sothis "having" children

- several thousand years possibly of Nabs living in relative harmony with humans?

- Agathans deciding nope and beginning their experiments (I swear I read somewhere that they started human experiments in order to get the same powers as the Nabs, but that might have been fanon?) or otherwise starting their rebelllion

- Sothis being horrified and stopping them

- big war where Agathans nuked Fodlan (possibly when those land masses from the Abyss book got wiped out?) before getting driven underground and Sothis did her "heal the land and make more people" thing before going to take a nap

(Which, as an aside, probably took a fair bit of time. To heal an entire country is going to take a bit more than a few psychics, and I know Sothis is capital P Powerful, but still.)

But all of that is a lot of time between Sothis landing in Fodlan and Nemmy showing up! Which, as the next point, wouldn't have been straight away after Sothis went to sleep. It would have been years, if not decades of silence from the Agathans before the Nabs believed they'd been wiped out and relaxed their guard on Sothis' resting place

Epi is in there... Somewhere. Doing weird experiments and making Arval. Was obviously around for the Hopes paralogue battle, but I'm thinking he got killed before the battle with Nemmy from the Houses opening battle scene? And I headcanon that Epi was the person behind the implementation of given humans crests. Because if it was common knowledge that any of the Agathans knew/could do, why were they still needing to experiment 1,000 years later with Lys and El and failing at it?

And then after Nemmy got to her, she wasn't turned into a sword overnight. That would have taken, what. Weeks, months? Sword of the Creator was the first relic, right? Unless... Unless it wasn't? And some other poor nameless Nabs had been nabbed before and experimented on for the Agathans to get the weaponfication techniques down?

And then when Nemmy had the sword and went to turn Zanado red... I doubt he got all the Nabs who became relics in one go. It probably took several months or years of fights and raids and ambushes to whittle the Nabs from thousands to just 9 (Rhea, Seteth, Flayn, Indech, Macuil, and the 4 Apostles. Possibly Anna?)

(Nice bit of angsty fanfic waiting there, pov of one of the Nabs who later became a relic, seeing all their friends get killed, then in the next fight feeling them in the weapon across the battlefield being used to murder their mutuals, and knowing they might be next, and then getting captured and meeting the "hero" who was going to wield them)

Also, when did Rhea start founding the Empire? Was it in the time between Sothis healing the land and Zanado, meaning she already had an army ready to go after Nemmy? Or was it after Zanado, and she was scrambling to defend what was left of her people?

Everything after this point is a little easier, since Nemmy died at year 0, and then Garrag Mach was finished in 85, and etc etc etc

But it's all that stuff beforehand that's making me wonder, just how old is Rhea? And how old are Thales and Solon?

[keefwho]

April 05 - 2024 Friday

12:14am

6.5/10

This morning I put away my clothes, took out the trash, and vacuumed. I almost always vacuum on Friday because it sets me up to have nice carpet for the weekend. For breakfast I made eggs, sausage, and oatmeal. The eggs didn't turn out great and this meal hurt my tummy later in the day.

During work I warmed up with some torso studies in preparation for 57's commission. It went well, I cranked out what I had to. DS's package for me came in the middle of the stream so I set that aside for when I was done.

After stream I did my dished like usual and called DS so I could open her gift. It was a G1 Ghoulia doll which I didn't expect. Apparently she got kinda lucky getting it before it sold out. I was absolutely thrilled and I hope I made that apparent enough. I know I'm bad at showing surprise and gratitude with my body language. For about an hour after unboxing, we looked at doll prices and a couple videos. I left to make lunch.

Lunch was tuna spaghetti with the tuna I just got in the mail but I forgot the lemon pepper so I had to add it last and it worked out well enough.

For my afternoon work I continued a drawing of Millie I was doing and hung out in BR's server. I joined because AE was there but he had to leave within 5 minutes so I was left with another guy. I stayed but we didn't chat much, he didn't seem to want to talk to me. I left after my drawing time and a little bit of world making.

My tummy hurt now but it was over pretty quickly. I spent a little while way too invested in some thoughts while I browsed Twitter and other sites. Eventually I broke out of it and asked JD if he wanted to play Helldivers like he suggested earlier. We played 1 round while I cracked open a drink. I got off to wait for DS who I figured would be on soon and she was. We watched the newest 22 minute long Tell your Tale episode while she did her nails. Then we got into VR. In VR I had joined on BD since I knew she was partying and I figured we could probably merge into them for the night. I thought it felt kinda disjointed when we joined and I really wanted to show DS the puzzle world so I dropped a portal for us. BD and her friends actually followed which was a nice surprise. It was chaotic at first but it was really fun, we did 3 puzzles and took about 10 minutes each. Then we went to a smash or pass world where almost all the characters were from unfamiliar animes but it was still fun.

In bed I played KH2 for DS and we talked about some important stuff.

~~~

I struggled a little bit to escape my thoughts and give different people the attention I wanted to give. I lost sight of my goal to pay attention to things I like today to get a better idea about what I might value.

[perlukafarinn]

Destiel 6 + 43 :)

friends to lovers + old married couple (but “old married couple” in this case doesn’t mean literally)

They’re on their way to Sam’s apartment to pick him for dinner, Dean and Cas in the front seat, Charlie and her new girlfriend Gilda in the back. They’re already running a little late and Cas keeps trying to give Dean directions, as if he doesn’t know the way to Sam’s like the back of his hand.

“Not since construction started downtown,” Cas argues. “Most of 23rd street is closed, you would be better off taking a right by the University.”

Dean scoffs. “I know what I’m doing, Cas. You don’t even own a car!”

“No, but I took this route on my bike a couple of days ago.”

“Oh, well, since you biked-”

“Are they always like this?” Gilda asks from the back, quiet but not enough so that Dean can’t hear it.

Charlie laughs. “Not always but they bicker like an old married couple.”

Dean’s left eye twitches and he clams his mouth shut, cutting himself off mid-argument. Charlie has called them that before but not in a while and it didn’t used to sting like that. He’d rather not dwell on why.

He takes his normal route despite Cas’ protests and has to turn around halfway to Sam’s when they run into construction.  

Cas, to his credit, doesn’t say ‘I told you so’.

*

Cas forgot his lunch at home. Normally, that wouldn’t be enough to worry Dean but he’s been really busy at work lately, working later and later hours, and Dean wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot to eat altogether.

Since he’s self-employed, Dean’s got no problem taking a long break today to swing by Cas’ office with his lunch. As a joke, mostly on himself, he stuffs it in a brown paper bag and scribbles Cas’ name on it along with a crudely-drawn heart.

Cas’ secretary, Alfie, gives Dean a smile when he approaches his desk holding up the bag. Dean considers just barging into Cas’ office (he’s done it enough times) but Alfie holds up his hand like he knows exactly what he’s thinking and picks up his phone.

“Mr. Novak?” he says brightly. “So sorry to interrupt, but your husband is here with your lunch.”

Dean’s eyes widen. He can feel the heat rising to his cheeks, especially when Alfie just nods at Cas’ response and waves Dean inside - Cas clearly didn’t bother correcting him.

Cas is shuffling through some papers when Dean enters his office, phone nestled in the crook of his neck, but he quickly hangs up and puts them aside with a grateful smile when he sees Dean.

“I knew I’d forgotten something,” he says, accepting the bag from Dean’s hand and snorting when he sees the inscription on it. “Thank you, dear.”

It’s so obviously meant to be a joke, one at Alfie’s expense for making such a silly assumption, and still Dean can’t keep his heart from skipping a beat.

He plasters on a fake smile. “Hey, what kinda husband would I be if I let you go hungry?”

“Are you stopping for lunch?” Cas asks.

Dean wasn’t planning on it but he nods anyway, pulling up a chair to sit at Cas’ desk. 

*

Dean has almost put the whole lunch-office-husband thing out of his mind a week later, when Sam calls and tells him that his apartment building is being fumigated and he needs someplace to stay.

It’s a tight squeeze but of course Dean says to stay at his; Sam’s landlord is footing the bill for motel rooms but only the cheapest sort and they spent enough of their childhoods bouncing between those. Dean’s not gonna let Sam be homeless again, not even for a day.

The plan is for Sam and Dean to take turns sleeping on the pull out couch. Sam offers to take the first night and he’s still out cold when Dean gets up to make breakfast the next morning.

The coffee is ready and the bacon is sizzling on the pan by the time Cas gets out of his room. He tiptoes past Sam, still fast asleep on the couch, and sits down at the kitchen counter.

“Should we wake him for breakfast?” he asks quietly.

Dean shakes his head. “He should wake up soon anyway, I’ll reheat this if I have to.”

Cas nods. A couple minutes later everything is cooked and Dean sits down next to him with a plate for each. They eat in silence, Sam not even stirring, and Dean would be worried about the kid if he didn’t know from experience just what a heavy sleeper he can be.

His attention is snatched away from Sam when Cas reaches for his plate, snatching up one of his bacon slices. Dean grabs him by the wrist but Cas is undeterred, bending his head down to take a bite of his stolen bacon.

“Dude, get some of your own.”

“I had some,” Cas says, licking his lips and Dean is suddenly all too aware of how warm Cas’ wrist feels underneath his fingers. “I finished it and you gave yourself extra slices.”

“Did not,” Dean lies. 

Then, impulsively, before Cas can take another bite, he ducks his head and snatches the rest of the bacon from his grip. His lips graze Cas’ skin as he does so and he hears Cas let out a strangled sound.

He straightens, flushing as he sees Cas staring at him with wide eyes.

Sam clears his throat.

“Sam!” Dean says, just a little too loud, dropping Cas’ hand like a hot potato. “You’re awake!”

Sam peers at him from the couch, and Dean’s not sure if he’s suspicious or just tired. His hair is flat on one side from resting on the pillow and sticking up on the other, and any other time Dean would be laughing or getting a camera.

“I’m going to go shower,” Cas says quietly, slipping from his seat before Dean can respond. Both Winchesters watch him leave, the room falling silent as he closes the bathroom door behind him.

Sam looks back at Dean. “Are you sure you’re not married?”

Dean flips him off.

*

Those fours years that Dean has on Sam must make a hell of a difference, because Dean cannot for the life of him understand how Sam could sleep on that torture device they call a couch. 

The mattress is thin, way too soft, and lumpy in all the worst places. What’s worse is the noise it makes as Dean tosses around trying to fall asleep, the creaking springs waking him up every time he manages to drift off.

At some point in the night - Dean’s not sure when, though it’s well after midnight - Cas pokes his head out of his room.

“Dean?”

Dean licks his lips. “Yeah?”

“Get in here.”

Dean should protest, if only for the sake of his sanity. But it’s late and he’s exhausted and his back already aches from this hell-spawn of a mattress, so he gets up and follows Cas back into his room.

Cas doesn’t say another word, just crawls back in bed, leaving a decent bit of space beside him. Dean stands there staring for a moment, silently cursing whatever deity might be listening, then gets in after him.

He settles at the very edge of the mattress, leaving as much space between them as possible. His body is tense and sleep feels far off but he still closes his eyes, focusing on keeping his breaths even and not noticing the warmth radiating from Cas’ body.

Despite his anxiety, Dean must still manage to drift off at some point because he’s suddenly blinking his eyes open and it’s morning.

Cas is facing him now, lying just a couple of inches away, and not only are their legs tangled together underneath the comforter but Cas’ hand is resting on Dean’s waist. 

Dean swallows, but before he can wonder how to de-tangle himself from Cas without waking him up, Cas draws in a sharp breath through his nose. Dean is unable to move as Cas opens his eyes, peering around in slight confusion before settling on Dean’s face.

And he smiles. Dean’s heart jumps at that smile, at the warmth of it, and he finds himself returning it despite himself. Why isn’t every morning like this?

“What are you thinking?” Cas asks, his voice a low rumble.

“That every morning should be like this,” Dean answers honestly.

He only realizes what he’s said when Cas’ eyes widen, all traces of sleep suddenly gone from them. Jesus Christ, what the hell was he thinking? There is no un-romantic way Cas could interpret that! He could have reached down and grabbed Cas’ dick and it would have been a less obvious come-on.

“I didn’t-” Dean stutters. “I meant-” 

Cas gives him a pointed look, effectively silencing him. “I know what you meant.”

Then he’s leaning in, pausing just long enough for Dean to realize what’s going on before closing the distance between them, kissing Dean with such tenderness that it aches. Dean’s still barely with the program but he kisses Cas back, crowding in closer and cupping Cas’ cheek with his hand not caught in the scant space between them.

Cas pulls away and Dean’s not proud of the noise he makes then but he opens his eyes again and Cas is looking at him with such heat that it’s hard to care about anything else.

“How long, Dean?” 

“Years,” Dean admits, and it’s just one embarrassing confession after another this morning isn’t it? “Fuck, years.”

“It’s been years for me too,” Cas says. “I can’t believe - all this time we could’ve-”

Dean places a finger against his lips, cutting him off. “Then lets not waste any more.”

Cas laughs, breathlessly agreeing, and Dean leans in to kiss him again, putting an end to their conversation for now. 

They’ve got some catching up to do.

*

They’re married less than four months later. 

At this point, it’s really nothing more than a formality. 

[apomaro-mellow]

Part One of the Newly Wed Game

A few things happened that evening. 

The first was Steve quickly came to terms that he knew a lot about Eddie. That made sense. They hung out a lot. He knew a lot about Robin too because he cared about her. The difficult part of this was the fact Eddie knew a lot about him. And how warm inside that made him feel.

It was the way after the game, Steve went for seconds on the hot dogs and Eddie handed him the barbecue sauce and relish without a word. Steve only hesitated for a moment.

The second thing that happened was Steve tried to imagine how he’d feel if a girl he was dating knew all those things about him.

The third thing was trying to imagine Eddie as a girl.

But he didn’t need to. The image was already perfect with Eddie as is.

The fourth thing was a talk. After the barbecue, Eddie drove him and Robin back in his van. Robin was dropped off first and that was the first time Steve spoke up the entire ride.

“Can we talk?”

“Yeah”, Eddie answered easily.

He drove them out to a convenience store. Eddie went inside and Steve thought he’d come back with beers or something but Eddie surprised him with Coke flavored slushies.

“Meet me in the back”, Eddie said through the window. He went through the van’s back door while Steve just climbed through the front. Eddie closed one door, leaving the other open to get a breeze from the warm summer night.

Steve started speaking and it felt so disjointed and chaotic and oh god is this what was going on in Robin’s brain all the time? It was like he was vomiting words and by the end of it he expected Eddie to have either the blank face of someone not following or the bewildered look of someone caught in a verbal storm. Instead he looked, almost contemplative.

“Sooooo, lemme get this straight. You think you might be into me, based on what happened in that game?”

He said it so plainly and succinctly and it made Steve feel like an idiot. But he nodded anyway.

“Dude, I think you’re getting your wires crossed. I mean I know I’ve got the curly locks, but it’s Nancy you should be after.”

“If all it took was curly hair to make me fall I’d be dating Dustin!”, Steve shouted. He kicked his legs a little, hanging off the edge of the van. He was feeling restless. This was new territory and he didn’t know what came next.

“The only reason we did all that was so Nancy would see you’re still boyfriend material.”

“Yeah well, we shouldn’t’ve gotten every question right then”, Steve said.

Eddie’s back was against the side of the van, his legs stretched out right behind Steve. “I kinda lost track of the plan.”

“Why’s it so important to you that Nancy and I get back together?”

Eddie smiled a little before looking away. “Because it just makes sense, man. I mean, nothing against Jonathan, but you and her are like....a couple at the end of the world.”

Steve let out a frustrated laugh. “Is that your way of rejecting me?”

“Has this been your way of coming on to me? And I thought you were flirting royalty.” Eddie had seen Steve in action. He was never this timid about it. He always went for what he wanted.

“I never flirt unless I’m sure the other person is into me to.”

Eddie felt his walls getting weaker. Inside of him there was a mini-Eddie screaming to be let out. I’m into you! I’M into YOU! Flirt with me! Fucking do it!

Eddie pushed it down. Steve already had a high school sweetheart with whom to live his picket fence dreams. And those dreams couldn’t happen with him.

“You and Nancy just make sense.”

“Everyone keeps saying that.” Steve tossed his empty cup to the ground and moved, closing the van door, shutting out the sounds of cars going down the street. “It doesn’t make any sense to me at all.”

And then he straddled Eddie’s lap.

“Steve....what are you doing?”

“Hmm”, Steve moved a bit to get comfortable. “Now see, this makes sense to me. It’s just missing...” Steve moved Eddie’s hand, the one currently empty to sit on his hip.

The straw hung limp in his mouth. Was this really happening right now?

“Does this make sense to you?”, Steve asked, his hands against the van walls, caging Eddie in with his body.

And fuck if that didn’t do things to him. Then he remembered witnessing King Steve pull similar moves in the hallway, getting girls to focus solely on him. And fuck if getting the Steve Harrington Special didn’t do things to him. Eddie said the half finished slush down, only half caring if it fell over and put his other hand on Steve’s hip.

He didn’t know if this made sense. In fact, he was pretty sure it was all nonsense. But Eddie wasn’t about to tell Steve to get out of his lap.

“You and Nancy”, Eddie said in a low voice, although it was more of a reminder to himself than to Steve.

Steve didn’t want to hear her name anymore. So he leaned in and kissed Eddie. When he pulled back, Eddie’s eyes were closed but he was still trying to talk.

“You and...you and Nan-”

Steve kissed him again. This time when he pulled back, he watched Eddie take a breath as his eyes fluttered.

“You and-”

“You. Only you Eddie.”

Steve leaned in for a third when someone banged on the van.

“Hey no loitering! You and your broad get a move on!”

Steve grinned. “You’re my broad.”

“Actually, it’s my van and I’m driving. So you’re the broad sweet-cheeks.” And then Eddie gave him a daring squeeze of those cheeks and Steve felt his blood jump.

Years of getting his ass slapped by other jocks didn’t prepare him for this.

----------------

It started as a slow, on the down low thing. For Steve, it was because he was afraid of falling too hard too fast. Of Eddie getting tired of him. Of a devastating dumping. For Eddie, it was because he was waiting for Steve’s experimentation to be over and for him to go back to be the straight boy right out of every father’s dream for their little princess.

They kissed in private but in public the affection showed in other ways. In ways they were both realizing had always been there. Eddie being loud and obnoxious in most places but still knocking politely when coming to Steve’s house. Steve buying more hair spray for himself and throwing some hair ties into the basket as well.

The little things.

This goes on for a month and while it kills Steve to not tell Robin, he himself is not entirely sure what he’d tell her. “Yes I like girls but I also like Eddie. No, not guys. Just Eddie.”

What sense did that make? Steve tried looking at other guys but none of them compared. He tried looking at other girls too with the same result. So maybe he was just attracted to Eddie for the rest of his life. He could deal with that.

What he couldn’t deal with was coming out to Mike Wheeler.

Mike had been tasked with going to Eddie’s trailer to try and finesse some info about the new campaign. He’d lost rock, paper, scissors. Whatever. Mike took this task seriously. So of course, he was gonna scope out the situation. He noticed Steve’s car was parked out front. Mike didn’t know what those two did all the time together. They didn’t share any of the same interests as far as he knew.

He tiptoed around the trailer. The blinds to Eddie’s room were shut. So he went over to the kitchen window. If Eddie was in a good mood, this could be easy. If Steve ruined it by saying something stupid, that made Mike’s job way more difficult. He stood on a milk crate in time to see Steve come into view and go into the fridge.

Eddie came soon after, his hair looking crazier that usually, like he’d been thrashing it around. He hugged Steve from behind and kissed the back of his neck and Mike almost lost his shit.

“I thought you were too tired to move?”, Steve asked.

“Baby I just couldn’t wait. Missed you too much.”

There was more gooey, lovey-dovey stuff which would gross Mike out if he wasn’t already pissed.

“I can’t believe this!”, Mike shouted, grabbing their attention.

“Wheeler...”, Eddie said in a warning tone.

“You guys were cheating at that game!”, he accused. “You rigged it by pretending to not be dating!”

Both let out an exasperated sigh before Mike disappeared from the window.

“I’m telling Nancy!”

“Wheeler!” 

“Mike!”

Tag Team:

@darkwitchoferie 

@archerwithmanybows

@henderdads

@menamesniall

@bornonthesavage

@grtwdsmwhr

@vi-the-best-you-can

@kardinalkalamity

@leather-and-freckles

@resident-gay-bitch

@goodolefashionedloverboi 

@snowstar2368

@alienace

Part three

[lazypanartist]

Bullied! Reader x Giacomo Headcanons

I saw one of these, couldn't stop myself! Might also be drawing Gia in the school uniform but you can't prove anything

Warnings: spoilers, mentions of bullying, probably OoC, no beta, not necessarily canon compliant

Notes: set ~1.5 years before the main story, I've been feeling Very Bad™ the last few days, so it's kinda disjointed I think

-----

It's not uncommon for bullying to happen at the academy

It's ALSO not uncommon for the teachers to ignore it

You yourself had seen it happen..

Popular people like Eri beaten down as someone new came by

Ortega getting bullied for his family's wealth, how "easy" he must have it

You, though?

You were in the majority

People being bullied for their interests..

Or for being "weird"

Mela for her attitude

Atticus for his obsession with ninjas, as well as his craftsmanship

And Giacomo for his interest in music

Books slapped out of hands, items swiped off desks

Name calling and harassment followed you wherever you went

But you weren't the only one

You were approached with the idea of Operation Star by Eri one day, after a bad bout of bullying

Of course, you were all too eager to accept

It wouldn't have done you any good to turn it down

And besides, who doesn't want to get back at their bullies?

So, you were in

Modified school uniform? Check

Fancy shades? Check

A cool pose? Check

A catchy sign-off? Check

All set!

You met Giacomo at the execution of Operation Star: the pushback against the bullies of the Academy

He just laughed when he saw you with Eri, offering you a grin and a hand

He pulled you onto his Starmobile before turning his attention back to the plan

Glancing towards you every once in a while as the cowards fled the area

The operation didn't take too long, and the newly minted Team Star rolled out into the night

---

It didn't take any convincing for you to join Segin Squad

Giacomo welcomed you with open arms

While Eri sat laughing at how obvious he was being

He asked you to help him run the squad

Help train newbies

Recruit other people you'd seen get bullied

And go on supply runs into Cascarrafa out of uniform

Whenever the squad bosses had to meet up on their own, he trusted that you'd keep the base running in his stead

All in all, a great relationship built on trust even before a confession

He shared his love for music with you, having you rate new tunes before he showed them to anyone else

Wasn't hard, with you by his side almost all the time

In turn, he'd listen to your interests, lending an ear and some praise

Honestly s2g Mela and Ortega already thought you were dating at this point

Atticus is the biggest shipper lmao

---

Giacomo definitely confessed first

He'd been hiding a new song from you for a few days, saying he wanted to perfect it instead of letting you listen to the WIP

Not too incredibly surprising, but he was putting a lot of effort into making sure you couldn't hear it

The grunts outside his tent alerted him every time you came over, instead of parting to let you pass

He snapped his laptop shut every time you came near him

AND he wouldn't let you scroll through his playlists!!

At all!!!

After about two weeks of this, he had another of the grunts find you and direct you to his tent

He almost sheepishly handed you his headphones, making sure they were settled on your head before he pressed play

The intro started similarly to the Team Star theme, then dropped

(IDK the specifics of music or it's making, so. Bare with me please)

He made sure to include similar structure and rhythms to ones you had pointed out in his other work

At the end of it, instead of an encore, his voice sounded from the headphones

"Y/n, I've been meaning to tell you for a while, but.. I like you. As more than a friend or right-hand man. Would you be willing to be my partner?"

You took off the headphones, smiling at him

And that was all the answer he needed

---

Bonus:

Mela and Ortega had to give Eri and Atticus money.. both had bet on you two already being together

Atticus called it puppy love, while Eri just laughed and said you would've told her if you had been dating

Which is how the bet came to it's conclusion

[lulendrea]

ok, first of all I retract that last statement, I might watch the 1987 show one day, but not for now because that's a lot of episodes to go through. anyway, here's my thoughts on tmnt 2003 (most of them at least) (disclaimer: a lot of them are negative because those are the ones I remember the best and that stick out more in my mind. also, it’s a long post)

it was kind of boring. it was hard to binge-watch, I was never really looking forward to watch another episode, like with other shows where you can hardly stop yourself from saying "just one more episode".

I didn't dislike it. If you were to ask me I would say I liked it, but I didn't find it very engaging.

I don't know the exact reason why I find it boring, but I think the biggest issue is that it's slow, mainly, the pacing and the dialogue/voice acting, which I'm pretty sure was very typical for shows of that era. For the high majority of episodes I would reach a point where I would pause the video and look at how much was left and every single time it happened was at the 12th or 13th minute mark, so halfway through the episode.

the characters just speak soooo slooow. And they speak even slower if they're a wise character, an old character or an important villain (Splinter, Shredder, Karai, Bishop, the Ancient One, etc. basically the majority of people the turtles interact with).

I think it's also why I didn't find the humor in the show very funny, usually it doesn't take me much to laugh at something, but I think the characters just took too much time to finish saying the jokes. 

also, maybe I disliked the sound effects? maybe they were bothering me without me realizing it? but it's not something I actually paid attention to or noticed until season 7, so I can't say for sure. 

the intro song in season 1-3 and the one in season 7 were really good. I enjoyed them a lot, so I never skipped them and I liked the visuals accompanying them. The modified intro that shows up in season 4 was not very good though, it felt very disjointed, both the actual song and the visuals. And the season 6 song is just okay: not absolutely terrible, but mostly very meh. (also I looked up the Italian intro to see if it sparked any memories of having ever seen it, but nope. It’s not terrible, but not very great either, the chorus is definitely catchy, though very generic for an Italian intro. And the season 6 one is... meh.)

I liked the music in the show. I saw the first episode and i was like "damn, the music is good", but it's something I only really noticed in season 1, so I don't know if it got "worse" or if I just simply stopped paying attention to it. 

I liked how tiny the turtles were compared to everyone else. And kinda chonky. And I liked seeing them without their masks. In Rise I always found them weird-looking without their masks, but here they were nice.

at first it was really hard to distinguish Raph and Mikey when they weren't standing in the same shot, since Mikey's mask is a very reddish orange. I got used to it eventually, but then season 6 decided to have the opposite problem and have Raph's mask look very orange! I got used to it faster but it was still a struggle at first.

I liked the turtles and Splinter as characters and I liked the relationships they had with each other and April. While I didn't particularly like Casey on his own, I did like his friendship with Raph and, to the extent shown, his relationship with the other turtles. 

it took me a long while to get used to the fact that superheroes existed in this universe. I kept forgetting about them. 

the villains were meh.

most of the time, they started out as interesting, and then they stopped being interesting the longer they showed up and since I had watched 2012 before this, I was already familiar with some plotlines, so I wasn't really excited to see them again.

By season 3 I was so done with Shredder. I was tired of seeing him, hearing his voice, hearing his theme, hearing the same motivations over and over again.

Stockman goes through the same thing over and over again, and he makes the same mistakes over and over again. Maybe that's the point of his character, but when every villain doesn't change how they react to things, it gets very tiring real fast.

Hun is boring, except for when he gets competent in season 4. The Triceratons are boring, the Federation is boring. The villains in season 6 are nothing special. Every villain kind of blends together in my head.

Bishop was interesting in that his motivations were not always perfectly opposed to the turtles. I enjoy when villains get in each other's way and so I enjoyed when he was an active obstacle to the Shredder's plans. But overall Bishop slowly loses his cool factor and stops being that interesting.

Karai's descent into villainy was kind of insulting, really. The motivation for it was awkwardly implemented. The voice acting was really bad, she sounded more threatening as a reluctant antagonist to the turtles than she did as a villain. And Leo defeated her in two seconds….wow, fun. Maybe it was to show the growth of Leo’s character and to show how his view of her had changed and how he would no longer hold back against her, but it certainly made Karai feel weak and incompetent. And when the only important female villain (I’m not counting the virus lady from season 6, because she’s not good either) is treated by the narrative like a petty girl playing dress-up, then I think you’re doing something wrong. It’s okay if Karai is pushing herself into a role she does not fit, that she’s continuing a vendetta because that’s the only way she feels she can honor her father and deal with her grief at losing him because of the turtles, but this isn’t what the show tells us. It tells us she genuinely wants this, she genuinely hates the turtles, she genuinely wants to kill them, and she genuinely wants to continue her father’s legacy by being the next Shredder. But the show makes her look laughable when doing any of this. It’s disappointing.

the only "villains" I liked were the wooden creatures in season 5 and they weren't even villains! They looked cool, acted cool, I didn't have to hear them talk, and they didn't overstay their welcome.

To be fair, it's not like I usually watch a show for the villains, so it's not that big of a deal, but it did add to the sense of boredom throughout and it did make me go "ughhhh, shut up, get on with it and go away" every time Shredder showed up after the second season. 

I think some fight scenes were really good? I remember having that thought a few times, but I didn’t really put a pin on it in my mind, so I have no idea which fight scenes they were. I think one was the first against Bishop

now let’s talk about each season in more detail (which isn’t a lot because I have a horrible memory).

I don't have much to say about season 1 and 2, I don't remember much about them since I watched them back in September. 

if I remember right I think season 1 was done pretty well, plot-wise. It introduced the characters and kept the stakes personal to the turtles and Splinter.

oh wait, I remember one thing. what is up with Shredder's building?? I remember not paying that much attention during that episode, but then the turtles were in that room with the elemental guardians and I was like, where the hell are we?? what is happening? is this still even a building? 

anyway. For season 2, I'm pretty sure I liked the first few episodes, but aside from that I don't really remember anything of note beyond that, so I can't really say anything else about it. 

season 3. I started really liking the animation here and in season 4. I first noticed it in Worlds Collide. I don't know exactly what changed, maybe the timing? (I'm not good at identifying different characteristics of animation, so it might've been something else). I just felt like every time I liked it, it had the same type of speed (??).

I remember really liking Worlds Collide Part 2. I never paused it, I was engrossed throughout the whole thing. I just really enjoyed it. 

season 4 was the second easiest season to get through, it was pretty easy to binge-watch.

Hun felt more competent, Karai felt more incompetent (that's a negative, not a positive), Bishop was meh.

I liked Leonardo's anger (but the forced angry voice was awkward to listen to and made me not take him seriously sometimes.), though it was weird how the others mostly never confronted him about it or had much reaction to it or opinions about it.

I felt like it was such a missed opportunity to not have Raph and Leo relate with each other on that aspect, either before Leo got over it (as a way for Raph to try and help him through it. He didn't even have to succeed, it could have backfired spectacularly and I would have been okay with that. People do have different ways to cope with anger after all, and being confronted about one's anger doesn't usually go well the first time around) or after it (with Leo relating to Raph in some way. I mean, Leo and Raph did have very different reasons for being angry, but they acted out their anger in very similar ways.)

Raph even tried to confront Leo at one point, but Splinter interrupted him, which I was so pissed about. I wanted to know what he was going to say to him!

I did like that they tried to get Usagi to help, since he was someone outside the family who Leo was friends with and who Leo might've been more comfortable sharing his troubles with.

(But again, I did find weird how Leo's brothers barely interacted with him regarding his anger. I would've been more okay with it if it was made obvious that they actually had no idea how to approach him about it and so they mostly ignored the problem hoping it'd go away on its own or something.) 

season 5 sucked. like, I was 4 episodes in and I was dreading the fact I had two more seasons to go after this one, if this is how they would all go.

I was intrigued by the story at the beginning but the pacing was horrible, and the things that happened were baffling. 8 characters "died" in a single episode and I was supposed to take that seriously? Then Chaplin and Karai "died" in the most hilarious way possible and I don't think I've laughed that hard during the entire 7 seasons. And going by the tone of the show, I was not supposed to laugh.

the interactions between the characters got weirder and weirder especially when the previous seasons' antagonists got thrown in the picture.

Then the turtles kept saying the names of their weapons out loud every time they did an attack and for this show that's just off and awkward and Raph kept saying "let's kick some shell!" like it was a catchphrase. (it was probably just two times or something, but it was two times too many for me.)

The dragons' designs were very stiff and I kept thinking they looked like Yu-gi-oh designs? (although that might not be a very accurate statement and I’m not trying to dunk on Yu-gi-oh). They just looked weird for the show.

I did like the design for Chikara (and the fact she wasn’t the one with the fan weapon, small mercies!) and I liked Hisomi.

and I did like that the turtles each had their own relationship with the other 4 candidates, though the show didn’t really go into much depth with it.

and again, I liked the wooden enemies the Ninja Tribunal made. honestly that first fight scene with them is probably my favorite scene of this season. 

season 6. I thought the turtles looked precious without their masks and I was kind of hoping they would never wear them again even though I knew that was never going to happen.

why is Raph so tall?? who thought that Raph seemed like a tall person?? he radiates small energy!! it took me the whole season to get used to.

I didn't mind this season, but wow, Raph really got the preferential treatment this time. He's my favorite and I did feel like in the previous seasons, Raph didn't get to do as much as his brothers (mainly Donnie and Leo), but it was still pretty balanced. This season however, apart from like, the last 4 episodes, Leo didn't do much of anything. I'm pretty sure he barely even said anything. Donnie did more, but he was also pretty much on the sidelines. Mikey is the only one who comes somewhat close to Raph, but this is also the season that started turning his character into a more childish and immature one.

this season had some sweet moments between the brothers, I liked the graduation day episode with Mikey's brothers wanting him to graduate with them and helping convincing Splinter to give him another chance.

and I liked the episode with Leo's clone where Leo finally got to do a thing! 

season 7 returned to a more balanced cast. It was a bit divided relationship-wise, with Donnie separated from the other three, but he had his own role in the plot and it was nice seeing Raph, Leo and Mikey hanging out and spending time with each other and they had some cute interactions.

and Mikey got to defeat Shredder (not really, but kind of) which was cool.

also, it was nice seeing Raph help out Casey with the engagement and the wedding.

(also I can see where the 2012 April-gets-corrupted-by-an-evil-artefact plot comes from).

this season made some minor character decisions that were confusing in light of previous seasons, for example with Stockman who seemed okay interacting with the turtles even though he's not supposed to become a better person until much later, if we go by season 6's canon.

season 7 is the least visually appealing season. The turtles having eyes with the masks on looks weird, though I'm sure it was done to make them more expressive.

and the redesign choices for some characters made it really hard to recognize them. I did not recognize Karai at all, I was confused when I saw Chaplin at the wedding but she wasn't there, even though I had seen her invitation, but no, she was there, I had just overlooked her because I thought she was a random person.

(I don't even know why they decided to redesign them? it's not like they're better designs.)

I disliked Donnie in the first few episodes. A lot. I saw him and I was like "wow, I can see where 2012 Donatello got his personality from". I was afraid he was gonna be like that for the whole season, but thankfully he wasn't.

season 7 is the season I enjoyed the most. Somehow. I don't know why, it wasn't necessarily better than the other seasons (except 5), and in some respects it was definitely worse, but I was never bored with it. Maybe it's because the intro song always got me very hype, who knows. Regardless, it was a breeze to get through and it left me on a positive note. 

which was ruined by Turtles Forever. apart from the meeting with the Prime Turtles and maybe a few more moments (?? I don't actually remember any of these other moments, so maybe not.) it was all very boring for me and that's all I have to say about it. 

oh i almost forgot. 

gnc Mikey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



by the way, I promise I don't dislike this show. I like the turtles and I think that's the most important thing that matters.

I love how Michelangelo is silly and loves fun and distractions, but he seems to be the most level-headed when it comes to strong emotions. How he's sometimes fearful and seeks glory, but he's genuinely always ready to throw that aside to help people.

I love how Raphael is the most emotional and so family-oriented, but his emotions still put him at odds with his family sometimes. How his impulsiveness and need for retaliation gets him into trouble, but also how often that trouble leads him to build connections with people who need help but won't ask for it.

I love how Leonardo's passion and his quest for growth as a person and as a ninja leads him to question the role of his father's teachings in the situations he encounters and the people he interacts with, and to question his own role within his own family, juggling his responsibility towards them as their leader (and the weight that comes with it) and his own sense of justice. How, no matter the struggles he faces, he'll always find his way back to his family's side.

I love how Donatello's tech is always geared towards his family's comfort and safety and how it sometimes plays into his family's interests. How excited he gets at discovering new things and like-minded people. How calm and patient he is, both in combat and with his own family, but also how he doesn't hesitate to tease his brothers. How often he seeks to understand the people he meets, how easily he connects with them emotionally and how he strongly feels for them and their plights.

I love how Splinter is always there with his sons. How he doesn't want to drag them into his own issues and battles, but if it happens he's always there to protect them, to fight alongside them and to guide them when they're willing to listen. How he always tries to treat them fairly and with patience. How he might get exasperated by them but it's always with a layer of fondness.

And if there’s one thing this show’s done right, it’s that I can tell that the turtles, Splinter, April and Casey all really care for each other. 

[bigskydreaming]

I kinda wanna fucking scream, so here, have a offline bullshit rant post.

So I’ve literally been trying to get my stupid fucking meds for over a MONTH now at this point, which I’m sure you can all see like, my mood is just wooooonderful these days. Not an excuse, casual reminder that yeah you do gotta take care of your own space so if my mood is dragging anyone down, I’m totes on board with blocking or unfollowing or y’know, burning me in effigy or something. Okay maybe not that last part. But still. You get it. And its not even that like, I need mood stabilizers per se, lol, so shout out to the armchair diagnosticians helpfully peppering my inbox still in their quest to oh so slickly be like ‘hey you’re a hot mess, take your hot messness away from tumblr’ like lol, didn’t ask.....nah, its mostly the perpetual lack of sleep and chronic pain issues that I have zero distraction from when my specific combo of meds isn’t able to let me actually weaponize my ADHD properly and power through that. Its a whole thing. Whatever. Just go with it.

POINT IS. So I’ve been trying to do this for over a month now, first obstacle was even just getting the money together for my refill appointment which is a whopping $150, because I have to pay out of pocket for mental health stuff these days because I had to switch my insurance over to something that paid out more heavily for physical benefits like my jaw surgery.....and because of the pandemic, and how many psychiatrists in my area and that I could actually reach aren’t taking new patients during the pandemic since most of them are conducting business virtually still, like, I have barely any resources for seeking out and trying new psychiatrist offices in the meanwhile that might charge less and I’m kinda stuck with the one I have because the last thing I can afford is to have like, NO psychiatrist at the moment, y’know?

So first I had to have that to even BOOK the appointment, which took forever because rent and food are a joy to accrue when you can barely manage to function as an actual employee of the capitalist machine ahfsklhflkahflakf, but so then I did that and like, got an appointment put on the books for August 19th. That was the soonest they could fit me in back when I paid them for my appointment about a week and a half ago. No, two weeks ago now? Eh, time is fake. ANYWAY, so that wasn’t gonna work for me, so basically the entirety of last week was devoted to constantly calling and trying to check in every other hour to see if they had any sooner cancellations I could take, because for whatever fucking reason, they just ‘don’t do’ a cancellation list wherein they call the next person on the list once they have a cancellation. Whatever.

So finally got a cancellation slot with a virtual appointment last Saturday night at random as fuck 8:40. Okay cool. Most of my refills are fairly simple, no real changes, but two are controlled substances so like, they have to do their due diligence and go through the proper protocols before giving me another prescription to one or whatever. Fine. Okay.

So I call the CVS they sent the prescription for my ADHD med to, the very next morning. One of the controlled substances, and the key med to like....making me functional instead of a rambling disjointed whirlibird of a thought emitter. Problem is, that medication is on back order. Won’t be in until Tuesday. Ugh. Okay, fine. Nothing I can do about it, because while the specific provider I spoke to in order to GET my refill prescriptions was taking an appointment the night before, the actual offices that schedule appointments and connect patients through to their providers was closed for the weekend, so I couldn’t even ask for them to send the scrip somewhere else.

SO. I go back to the CVS on Monday, hoping that maybe it came in early because not like I can do much else in the meanwhile. Course its not there, but oh well. I toy with the idea of calling to ask my provider to send the scrip to a different pharmacy (only had it sent to this one cuz its within walking distance to me, and since I can’t drive for medical reasons and Uber’s are expensive as fuck, just for errands, like, even though walking is sooooo not fun for me physically, like it is what it is). I decide against it because here’s another fun fact about this controlled substance....for security reasons, pharmacies don’t have to tell people over the phone if they have it in stock or not. Like, they won’t just say no we don’t have it in stock - I mean, they WILL say that, but that doesn’t actually mean anything because that’s what most of them say about that particular medication no matter whether or not they DO, and then just cite security protocols, so you have to actually GO to the store in question to ask them and even get a real answer to whether or not they even HAVE it in stock to FILL a prescription if its sent over. And no, the provider won’t just send scrips into several different pharmacies at once and just be whichever has it in stock can fill it - because again, controlled substance.

SO. I decide its not worth it to try getting the scrip sent over somewhere else, because I’d have to at least waste money on an Uber to even travel to various pharmacies and even check if they CAN fill it sooner than this one, when at least this place will have it in tomorrow. Its just one more day at this point.

Except then I go back on Tuesday. Oh sorry, don’t know why that other person told you we’d have our order in today, our shipments of that medication don’t come in until Wednesdays.

So I go back Wednesday. Success! They have it in stock. I go to pay, pulling out my goodRx coupon that was just printed out that morning, specifically citing the price for CVS at Target. The pharmacy manager says sorry, we don’t honor that coupon here for controlled substances like this one. I say: record scratch? He’s like yeah, that’s at the discretion of individual pharmacies, and we don’t honor that price for this specific medication, because we don’t want to attract customers only coming here to get that medication filled for that price. (This pharmacy is right at the edge of Inglewood and Culver City, for anyone who is familiar with those neighborhoods. The implications are exactly as they appear to be). So I’m like, what’s the regular generic price? He quotes me something that’s $180 more than the coupon, and thus $180 more than I have since I was focused totally on getting THIS amount ASAP, so I could get these meds so I could do more work and make more money. You see the train of thought. I’m like well that’s awesome, I don’t have anything close to that. Hey. Weird question. Why did nobody I talked to the past three days in a row that I’ve walked into this store in person to request this refill, like, mention this little tidbit about not honoring this coupon so instead of waiting for a backorder that would do me no good, I could have been spending that time having my prescription transferred somewhere that WOULD honor it?

He’s like, well did you mention to any of them that you’d be using a goodRx coupon for this particular medication? I said, yup. He said, you sure? I said well the specific process each time was I came in, I asked if this medication was in, they said what’s your name and date of birth, I provided that info, they said are you paying out of pocket, we don’t have valid insurance info for this on file for you, I said yup paying out of pocket with a goodRx coupon, they said *clickety clack of the keyboard* nope, sorry, we won’t have this medicine in until Tuesday, I mean Wednesday. 

He’s like, well you must be misremembering or they would have told you at the time that we don’t take GoodRx coupons on this medication. I’m like, dude, it was you. It was literally you that I spoke to two of those three times, right here at the counter, in person. I’m gonna go ahead and trust my memory of those interactions and what was said there over yours since you don’t actually remember having talked to me two times in the last three days. He’s like, I gotta go help another customer. There is no other customer. I leave. Fun day for everyone.

So then I call around town to at least check which CVS will actually honor the coupon I have and the price that I can afford to pay it at. I don’t bother asking if they even have the medication in stock because I know its not guaranteed to be a CORRECT answer, but at least I can see who accepts this damn coupon. Also, reason I’m only trying big brand pharmacies instead of smaller, hole in the wall ones is because again, controlled substance, and I know from experience that the bigger brand pharmacies are at least more likely to have that med in stock whereas most smaller ones tend to run out very quickly as they usually only get enough for their existing/regular customers and a little extra.

I find a CVS five miles away - not walkable, gonna have to Uber. Call my psychiatrist office again to ask them to transfer the scrip, front office says they’ll send the request to my provider, who usually checks and fulfills such requests in 24-48 hours. I’m like okay cool, can I get a phone call to let me know when that happens, so at least I know when to check back to follow up if it hasn’t happened yet for whatever reason? They’re like no, the pharmacy will send you a text or call when they get the prescription sent over and you can take it from there with them. I’m like okay, but I’ve done this a bunch of times and know from experience the pharmacy does NOT in fact always call or text, so is there a certain time to follow up to inquire if the provider has already sent the scrip and the pharmacy SHOULD have it by now or if the delay is on the provider’s end? Front office is like yeah no. I’m like, swell.

So that was yesterday. I call the pharmacy (which I still don’t even know if they have the medication IN STOCK to fill the scrip even once they GET the scrip, and won’t until I can actually Uber out there, but one thing at a time at this point) at like 9 pm, they’re a 24 hour pharmacy, and they’re like nope, we got nothing (this is after spending an hour and a half on hold to even TALK to someone at the pharmacy). Called them again today at noon, still nada. Technically I have another 29 hours before the window in which the provider is supposed to send the refill scrip to this new location, before I can be like, okay so they still haven’t done it, can we send him a nudge or another request. The 24-48 hour window will only actually EXPIRE after their offices close on Friday meaning it’ll be Monday before I can even actually REACH someone again to ask them to send the scrip again, if the pharmacy hasn’t ACTUALLY gotten it by Friday night, and pessimistically, I’m not super inclined to assume that they will at this point. 

I’m antsy, irritable, hungry because I don’t even know for SURE sure if the new pharmacy will ACTUALLY honor the coupon or say no sorry we don’t do that here either, whoever told you that was wrong, or if they’ll even actually have it in stock versus I’ll have to have it sent somewhere else AGAIN, so I have to pinch every penny possible in order to ensure I have the most money possible once my prescription IS filled in case the price is more than I expected again or in case I have to take Ubers there or further than I expected or basically....shit happens that I don’t expect. And this is what I’m basically spending all my time doing instead of working, because trying to get work done in this state is like....the harder I try to make it happen, the less it actually gets done, so I try and prioritize this and its roadblock after roadblock dragging out and wasting my time, and like yeah, I can post and shit while I’m doing this aka sitting on hold or walking around town trying to get shit filled because its fine if I ramble incoherently along the way in posts, but actual WORK work requires like....fucking coherency and succinctness and not having to stop and start every five minutes to call someone else, and oh yeah, being able to power through migraine spikes. And just.

I’m very annoyed about anything and everything to do with this shit. The hoops you have to jump through to even get the stuff that like....actualizes your hoop jumping ability, is just....*gnashing of teeth*

Anyway. So that’s my offline bullshit rant. Yay. The end.