#I haven't worked on this in a couple months but now that I read beyond what I am posting it has me intrigued again

[reallygroovyninja]

The Lottery

Lexa returned home from her job at the local library, tired after a long day of shelving books and assisting patrons. The comforting aroma of her homemade dinner filled the small apartment as she settled down at her modest dining table. Just as she was about to take her first bite, a sudden, unexpected knock on the door interrupted her evening. 

Startled, Lexa rose from her chair and made her way to the door. She peered through the peephole, finding a tall and imposing alpha standing on her doorstep, holding an official-looking envelope. He wore a serious expression, and his presence radiated an air of formality. 

Taking a deep breath, Lexa opened the door just wide enough to peer outside, her heart racing with a mixture of curiosity and unease. The alpha glanced at her, his gaze unwavering, and asked, "Are you Alexandria Woods?" 

Lexa nodded slowly, her voice barely above a whisper. "Yes, that's me." 

The alpha's stern features softened just slightly as he extended the envelope toward her. "Congratulations, Ms. Woods," he said in a low, authoritative tone. "You have been chosen for the National Marriage Lottery." 

Lexa's hand trembled as she accepted the envelope from him, her fingers brushing against his for the briefest moment. She felt a chill run down her spine as the implications of the moment sank in. The envelope bore the official seal of the Ministry of Matrimonial Partnerships, confirming the gravity of its contents. 

As she started to read the letter inside, the alpha turned and walked away, disappearing into the dimly lit hallway. Lexa's mind was reeling as she closed the door, her heart pounding in her chest. She couldn't believe she had been chosen, and the thought that she would have to be at the Ministry's office in just seven days to learn the name of her future alpha left her with a whirlwind of emotions. Her once quiet and ordinary life had been irrevocably altered, and the journey into the unknown had just begun. 

Lexa's dinner lay forgotten on the dining table, growing cold and untouched. She made her way to the living room and sank onto her couch, her eyes never leaving the letter now resting on the coffee table before her. The weight of its significance seemed to press down on her, and she couldn't tear her gaze away. 

The apartment was quiet, save for the soft hum of the city outside, and Lexa's thoughts raced. She replayed the alpha's words in her mind—congratulations, chosen for the National Marriage Lottery. It was a phrase she had never expected to hear, and the implications of it left her feeling both apprehensive and intrigued. 

Her fingers traced the edges of the envelope, almost as if she expected it to reveal more secrets by touch alone. The official seal of the Ministry stared back at her, a symbol of the life-altering journey that lay ahead. Lexa couldn't help but wonder about the alpha on the other end of this unexpected twist of fate. Who was he? What would he be like? Would they be compatible, or would this be a tumultuous forced partnership? 

Minutes turned into an hour as Lexa sat there, lost in thought, her heart a mix of uncertainty and curiosity. The future was suddenly uncertain, and her once familiar routine had been disrupted. But beneath the anxiety and apprehension, a flicker of excitement simmered. Lexa knew that whatever lay ahead, she was about to embark on a journey that would forever change the course of her life. 

Anya leaned against the sleek, metal frame of the window, her gaze fixed on the bustling city below, aglow with the neon lights of the signage. She turned her head, her sharp alpha features softened by concern as she looked at Lexa. "You know it's tomorrow, right?" she asked, her voice carrying the weight of the unspoken – the National Marriage Lottery.  

Lexa nodded, her fingers absently twisting a strand of her hair. "I know," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. The room, adorned with minimalist decor and the latest technological advancements, felt colder than usual.  

Anya pushed away from the window, her movements decisive, a natural leader's poise. "Are you ready for this, Lex?" she asked, her eyes searching Lexa's face for any sign of doubt or fear. "Being paired with a stranger, an alpha you've never met... it's not something to take lightly."  

Lexa's eyes lifted to meet Anya's, a certain resolve burning within them. "I don't really have a choice, do I?" she said, a hint of bitterness lacing her words. "It's either enter the lottery or face the penalties. And you know how I feel about the government dictating our choices."  

Anya sighed, her protective instincts as an alpha kicking in. "I just don't want you to be forced into something you're not ready for," she said, her voice tinged with concern. "Especially with an alpha. Our kind can be... overwhelming, especially for an unpaired omega."  

Lexa managed a small smile, appreciative of her cousin's concern. "I'll manage. Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and be paired with someone decent. Someone who understands that this... arrangement is as new and awkward for me as it is for them."  

"Or maybe you'll find someone who's more than just decent," Anya suggested, a playful glint in her eyes. "Someone who could actually make you happy."  

Lexa's smile grew, a rare moment of optimism breaking through her usual guarded demeanor. "Maybe," she conceded, allowing herself that sliver of hope.  

Anya placed a reassuring hand on Lexa's shoulder, her alpha presence both comforting and empowering. "No matter what happens, I'm here for you, Lex. We'll face this together, as family."  

As Lexa nodded, a silent bond of strength and support passed between the two women. Tomorrow would bring uncertainty, but tonight, they found solace in their unbreakable familial bond. 

[profoundbondfanfic]

Hi there!

I have been looking in vain for fics with Non-verbal Dean or Castiel. I've read a couple but haven't been able to find anymore and the tagging system only seems to give me junk results not actually related to that.

Thank in advance for your help!

Hey! Here are a few fics we could think of:

All Cats Are Gray After Dark by squirrelofcelestialintent (Explicit, 19k words)

1992, NYC. Dean is a Gulf War veteran working in the grimiest ER in the city, and he’s holding his life together. Kind of? Maybe. But he’s got secrets. No one at work knows that he’s not physically mute due to a war injury, but rather selectively mute from way back in the day, because that is almost impossible to explain. Nobody but Sam knows he’s a rare, male Omega, and the discovery of that secret was why he got kicked out of the army. And nobody, absolutely nobody, knows that he occasionally sneaks out to have anonymous sex with men. Until he meets Castiel freaking Novack - anonymous hook up turned new boss - who in less than a month manages to find out all three.

Casicorn by everandanon (Explicit, 56k words)

When Detective Dean Winchester suddenly finds himself with a new roommate, a mysterious man who doesn’t speak but seems to somehow be connected to the department’s recent vigilante problem, he has no idea what he’s in for. The guy doesn’t know how to work a TV, brush his teeth, or even take a shower, and he stares at Dean all the goddamn time. Not to mention he insists on sleeping in Dean’s bed. While Dean is in it! Weird, right? Except the longer Cas sticks around, the less Dean starts to mind; the more he kind of dreads Cas leaving for good, actually, even though nobody really knows who Cas is or where he came from. And then, one night, Dean happens to witness their vigilante firsthand and realizes he knows Cas even less than he thought . . . (Loosely inspired by The Little Mermaid)

Finding You In Every Sign by casblackfeathers (Explicit, 99k words)

Castiel was content with the constant flow of his life. He had his brother Gabriel, had his coffee shop and the weekly book club meetings as well as a small but solid group of friends. If there was one thing his hateful family had taught him, it was how fast things could go wrong if he let too many variables shape his life. So when he met Dean, a gradual regular at his shop, Castiel knew he was trouble, because Dean was like a comet, beautiful but beyond reach. Ever since his father died, there wasn’t a single constant in Dean’s life. Moving on, never stopping, never getting attached to one thing for too long had made him a drifter for the past seven years. Being the only hearing person in his family hadn’t been easy with a father like John Winchester, so as soon as Dean saw an escape, he took it. Settling down to open his flower shop was anything but easy, especially when he met the elusive deaf owner of the coffee shop next door. The more he discovered about Cas, the louder the voice in the back of his head whispered that maybe Castiel was the person finally worth staying for. And maybe, just maybe, Dean was willing to listen now.

Hear You Me by through_shadows_falling (Explicit, 84k words)

Castiel is a college graduate stuck in two dead-end, part-time jobs. Oh, and he’s Deaf…which to his oldest brother Michael makes him something to constantly fret over. It’s not Castiel’s fault that he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life, right? Not like it’s Michael’s business anyways. Enter Dean Winchester. A chance encounter with the man has the power to change Castiel’s life - and in the end, maybe, just maybe, it will help him finally understand and accept who he is and what he’s meant to do.

i saw the light by LoversAntiquities (Mature, 14k words)

“Sam, you gotta hear about this ghost story I found the other day,” Susanne says over the speakerphone, just as loud as she has been for the last half hour. For the most part, Castiel ignores her—or tries—and concentrates on the beads dangling from between his fingers, centerpiece pressed to his forehead. Praying doesn’t work, but some mornings, when the coffee doesn’t get him going and the walls feel more like a prison than a home, he sits at the library table and whispers empty words into the crucifix, like Jesus can ease the festering ache in his chest. He can’t—no one else can either.

late july by thanks_tacos (Explicit, 26k words)

'I would like to take in your most abused one,' Castiel says, looking at the rows of doors in the yellow corridor. 'Give him a good home.' After his accident, Castiel needs someone to help him around the small brick house he lives in and the bookstore he owns. So, he adopts Dean; an omega who barely survived being dumped in a ditch and left for dead. Dean doesn't talk, but that's fine; they learn to live together in the quaint, rainy city surrounded by a green forest. Castiel just wants to give Dean a peaceful life he deserves, and maybe also - become his mate?

Looking for a Sign by emwebb17 (Mature, 70k words)

Dean can't figure out why the hot guy on the train is ignoring him…that is until he realizes that the man is profoundly deaf. After an unpleasant misunderstanding, the two become friends. It isn't long before Dean wants more, but Castiel sticks steadfastly to his rule about not dating hearing people. When Dean starts to date other people to try to get over him, Castiel starts to wonder if maybe Dean is the exception to the rule.

No Words by Ltleflrt (Explicit, 112k words)

On the run from his very powerful family, Castiel does his best to get lost. Because if he doesn’t know where he is, his brothers won’t be able to find him very easily either. He ends up in Silverton, a small mountain town nestled deep within the Rocky Mountains where he meets Dean Winchester, a very beautiful and very grumpy omega.

sunflower by unicornpoe (Teen and up, 4k)

Castiel comes home on a Sunday.

Still Waters Run Deep by thisisapaige (Explicit, 41k words)

In the darkest depths of the ocean, sealed into the ma'lak box with Chuck trapped behind the Mark, Castiel loses the battle against God's rage. When Sam and Dean find Castiel on a dark patch of highway— the Mark missing and his grace weak— he cannot speak. It rains. It rains and it rains and it rains. It is a Great Flood. In order to stop God, save the world, and resolve the issues simmering between them for years, Castiel and Dean need to communicate. Perhaps they should build an ark instead.

The Hanged Man by orphan_account (Mature, 87k words)

After Park Ranger Cas Novak saves a mysterious stranger named Dean from an attempted murder in the woods, he finds himself drawn into the man's secretive life. Someone tried to kill Dean, but he's not telling who. In fact, he's barely speaking at all. If he's going to have any hope of helping Dean, Cas will have to convince the man to trust him — all while trying not to fall in love with him along the way.

We also have a mute tag with more fics like these. Also if you search for 'selectively mute dean' or 'mute dean' (or cas if you prefer cas) on ao3 you might get lucky as well.

[george-weasleys-girl]

Hi! Could you write something for George. I read the prompt list and "Have a little trust in yourself, i know you can take it." Caught my eye.

I intended to drop this a couple of hours ago, but life intervened. I haven't proofread it yet.🙂

Sweet Beginnings

Warnings: smut, oral(female receiving), p in v sex, cursing

Summary: George's girlfriend asks him to take her virginity for her 21st birthday

18+only

"Don't be nervous, sweetheart," George's fingers traced her jawline. "We'll go at your speed. And if you say stop, we stop."

Y/N gave a shaky smile. Of her circle of friends, she was the late bloomer. Until she met George, she'd just never been comfortable enough with anyone to go beyond some heavy petting. So, when she told him what she wanted for her 21st birthday, he had to sit down.

"Are you sure?" He asked. "You know I'm willing to wait."

"I know." And she did know. Every relationship she'd been in fell apart at around two to three months because of her reticence. But, she and George had been dating for almost seven months, and if anything, their relationship was getting stronger.

That's why she was standing here, letting George undress her. Her dress lay in a puddle on the floor as he trailed soft kisses down her neck, his hands unclasping her bra with the deftness of someone who has done this many times before.

Once her bra had joined her dress, George stood back, admiring her. "So lovely," he mummered. "You have the prettiest tits I've ever seen." He reached out his hand but stopped just short of touching her. "May I?" He asked. Y/N bit her lip and nodded. His soft touch sent a shiver of pleasure down her spine. "Feel good?" he smiled, rolling his thumb around her nipple.

"Uh huh," she nodded again and gasped when he took her other breast in hand, first massaging it and then placing his mouth over it, licking and gently sucking the nipple. He nipped it just a little with his teeth, and a small moan escaped her lips that went straight to his already hard cock. It throbbed painfully in protest to being ignored, precum now flowing freely from the tip, expanding the wet spot on his boxers. George wanted so desperately to take her then and there, pounding into her until they were both shaking in pleasure.

But this was not the time for that. Tonight was all about her.

He moved downward slowly, leaving light kisses all the way down to her belly button.

Y/N closed her eyes, letting the sensations overtake her. She had no idea that she could feel so much ecstasy, and they had barely begun. Her swollen clit pulsed at the thought of what it will feel like when he's inside her.

"Fuck, George," she moaned.

He grinned against her skin and slowly stood up, letting his tongue trail up her torso as he went, drawing out more sweet sounds from her.

"It's no fair that you're topless and I'm not," he said, removing his shirt.

Y/N had seen him without a shirt before. But it was different now. His flushed chest rose and fell with excitement, and his rock-hard nipples looked absolutely delicious. A sudden boldness overtook her, and she raised her hands to his chest, mirroring his earlier ministrations. A low groan fell from his lips, encouraging her to lower lips to his chest, her tongue twirling little circles around his areola.

"Damn baby. Are you sure you haven't done this before?" He half moaned/half chuckled, raising her back up to face him and then guiding her to the bed. His hands slid down the length of her body, his fingers hooking her lacy panties, pulling them down and letting them fall to the floor.

George slid his hand between her folds as he lowered her down. He didn't think he could get any harder, but he was wrong. Y/N was dripping wet, and the moan that escaped her lips damn near sent him over the edge.

"Can I taste you, love?" He asked.

"Please," she opened herself wider.

George didn't hold back, burying his face in her pulsing heat. His tongue probed deep, lapping up her juice, as his thumb worked magic on her clit. Her moans filled the room and he ground his pleading cock into the mattress earning himself a brief moment of relief as his tongue moved upward to replace his thumb.

"Oh fuck, George!" She arched her back and curled her fingers into his hair, holding him in place. Knowing she wouldn't last much longer, he kitten-licked her sensitive nub a few seconds longer before pulling back.

"Can I slide a finger inside?"

"Y-yes, please," she begged, thrusting her hips up.

"Your wish is my command, my lady," he grinned and slid his finger deep inside her, his eyes locked onto her as pleasure overtook her as he slowly fucked her with his finger. It was then that the true force of the moment hit him. He was the first. The first to see her like this, the first to taste her, the first to hear her sweet moans, the first to penetrate her.

Godric, she was beautiful. And she was his, wholly and completely.

Sliding a second finger in, he continued to finger-fuck her as he lowered himself back down to bring her to completion.

It took only seconds to tip her over the edge. He sat up grinning and ran his tongue along his lips, gathering up every last bit of her climax.

"Georgie, that was amazing... " she looked down at the twitching bulge still trapped inside his pants. "But what about you?"

"Oh sweetheart, this was all about you," he gave her a gentle kiss. "Besides, that was just the set-up. Now it's time for the main event." He stood and began unbuttoning his trousers.

Y/N gulped. She'd fantasized about her boyfriend's cock many times, and she always imagined it would be quite filling. But seeing it now, standing at attention inches away from her, she began to doubt that would actually fit.

George noticed the shift. "Baby, is everything ok?"

Her eyes remained locked on his erect member. "I... um... " she stammered.

"It's alright, love, if you're not ready."

"It's not that. It's well..." Y/N searched for the right way to phrase it. "Will it fit?" She finally blurted out.

"Oh!" He looked down at himself. Previous girlfriends had praised him for his size. So, it never occurred to him to think how Y/N would view it, being a virgin. "I didn't think..." he began. "Are you sure you’re ready for this?" He asked again. "There are other things we can do."

"No," she shook her head. "I want to do this. I just... I need to take it slow."

He cupped her cheek in his hand. "As slow as you need."

Y/N nodded and lay back. George lined himself up and rubbed her still swollen clit with his thumb. "Have a little trust in yourself," he smiled down at her. "I know you can take it."

She returned his smile, his assurance bringing he a small bit of confidence. "Okay, I'm ready."

George pushed forward slowly, continuing to work her clit, hoping the pleasure would subdue some of the pain. "Still ok?" He asked once the tip was fully in.

"Keep going. Please."

He nodded, his full focus riveted on her, as he pushed himself further in, a soft groan escaping his lips.

Y/N watched him enter her, his thumb working faster as he got deeper. She bit her lip against the pain. Or maybe it was in pleasure.

He bottomed out and stopped, watching her expression. She gave him a small smile. "I just need a minute to... get used to it."

"Take all the time you need," he said gently. "We have all night."

After several seconds, the pain subsided. "Ok. I think I'm ready."

He started slow, and the pain returned. Sharp, but short-lived, leaving only desire and need. "Faster," she begged, wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Fuck baby, you feel like heaven," he groaned in her ear. "I'm not going to last long."

"Neither am I." She gasped, her orgasm already building again.

The ecstasy in her voice combined with the rhythmic pulsing of her sweet cunt around him sent jolts of pleasure through him. He threw his head back, groaning in time with her pulses. It only took a few more strokes to push him over the edge. With a long, guttural moan, he emptied himself deep inside her.

The sight of him falling apart and the feel of his cock pulsing as he filled her to the brim sent her tumbling after him.

"Are you ok?" He asked. They lay side by side facing each other.

"Better than ok," she smiled. "That was incredible. When can we do it again?"

George waggled his eyebrows and pulled her closer. "I love the way you think, darling."

~•~

@milivanili99 @fancy-pantaloons @turvi @zvummyummy @xmjthewitchx @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @georgie-weasley @samberriejams @nighttimemoonlover @jsjcue @wzrd-wheezes @mrsgweasley @hufflepuffie @morally-grey-obsessed @fredweasleyyyyy @anvaaryn @samshifts @asuperconfusedgirl @hmisa11 @superduckmilkshake @mysticsheepsoul @gemofthenight @1lellykins @junerprsh @sierraluvz @wolfkill16 @kaysau2510 @qmylovexoxo @planetkt @costheticbabe @drama-queen-fromthevault @smallsweetvanillabean @hanne-montana @greenapplegrass @el-de-phi @lizzytrees @scooby-doo1995 @spididerman @yoursarahg @marvelgirlstories @theimpossible-girl-whowaited @ceehance @Havenater1920 @jelloangela @charmedfandomgal @loca4moony

[wowzask1]

Seethe Part 1, KM x Reader

Warnings: angst, profanity, toxic relationships, not healthy

Word Count: ~ 1.6k

You scrambled through your purse, fishing for your phone for the fourth time tonight. You were angry. No, beyond that. You were fucking furious. This was millionth time Mingyu stood you up. And you'd made up your mind as you sat in the freezing cold outside of your favorite restaurant, — the one in which he had confessed he had loved you, that it would be the last.

He hadn't texted, he hadn't called, hadn't nothing. He didn't even read your array of texts. Did he even care about you? Was it this easy for him to disregard you that he couldn't even take a few seconds of his time to reply?

The sound of giggles and snickers took you out of your trance. You glanced to your left. There was a couple walking towards the restaurant's entrance, hands interlocked and eyes filled with fondness. They looked like they were in love. Your heart hurt. You looked away, careful to not stare for too long. You hoped they wouldn't think you were some sort of creep. 

The hostess had refused to let you in, even with the reservations paid full and under YOUR name. She quote, "Miss, your whole party must be present in order for us to seat you," unquote. In which you relied,

"I'm sorry. Could you make an exception? I don't understand. You're still receiving the deposit for both of us. My boyfriend is just running a bit late.. can't you just seat me? I'll even pay extra. It is freezing out here," You pleaded.

I mean would one unoccupied chair really be that detrimental to a michelin, million dollar restaurant?

She hadn't budged. Instead, She huffed, clearly annoyed. "Look, ma'am I'm sorry that your boyfriend stood you up, but that's your problem not mine. Okay? Now if you'll execute me I have other people to tend to. Goodnight." And of course she couldn't wait to leave your eyesight before dramatically rolling her eyes.

Ouch. She was right, and you knew it. Maybe that's why it hurt even more. Because it was the truth. Because you were pathetic.

This was your last straw. Your feet were starting to numb from your six-inch red bottoms, the ones he had gifted you the last time he couldn't make it last time he left you in the cold. Even worn them he still managed to tower over you.

Kim Mingyu was a busy man. You knew that. He knew that. Hell, the whole world knew it. So it was expected for him to be busy all the time. You understood this. Yet you still chose to fall for him. You chose to be in this relationship. The promise ring that rested on your finger said as much. Now that was undoubtedly your fault. Still, you didn't expect your lover to basically ignore you, to pretend you didn't exist.

You both promised to put in the effort, make your relationship work, to communicate. Clearly, only one of you meant that.

You haven't seen him in 9 months. You both planned to meet several times prior, but of course that was interrupted by his demanding schedule. And you understood. Well, at least you would have, if he would've told you.

Everyday you you texted him, and everyday he replied late. Some days he wouldn't even bother to. On the very rare occasion that he answered yours calls, he was elsewhere. Your calls would last for a few minutes, before he would have other pressing matters to tend to.

When he couldn't meet you the first few instances, he would call you up, apologizing, explaining himself, and it would end with you two falling asleep to each others voices. Now he would just send you something expensive, in place of an apology.

And you could imagine the pain you felt in your heart when he would hang up your phone call only to receive a notification of his ongoing livestream. Or to see yet another video of him flirting on a fan call. You can't not say you were jealous of how much attention he have to his fans, but that would just be a sad excuse of the truth. In verity, you wish that he paid as much attention you as he did them, if not more. Was that too much to ask?

It was no doubt your relationship was falling apart. Three years, you thought. Three years for nothing.

You wondered how low he thought of you. Did he think you were some sort of loyally blind  dog? A dog that would follow its owner wherever he went, even if it was towards a burning building, it's impending death?

You opened the camera roll on your phone. And there was your reflection. Your face was swollen, hair undone, cheeks drained of color from your future frostbite. Your eyes were starting to sting. Fuck. It was coming, and you knew it. You were not about to have a meltdown in front of the humongous window which behind sat a floury of people.

I have to get out of here. You wiped your tears before they could even fall.

ʕ•̫͡ʕ•̫͡ʕ•̫͡ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

The ride home was the worst. You were huddled in the corner of your Uber, sniffling and trying your hardest not to break. And clearly you hardest was not good enough, which was apparent through the visibly uncomfortable expression painted on your Uber's face.

After what felt like multiple, excruciating hours, you finally arrived to the entrance of your apartment building.

"T-thank you," you croaked, throat dry. You were dehydrated from your overflow of tears. The Uber mumbled nothings and drove away, racing to get away from you. Geez. Were you that unpleasant to be around?

You scurrily walked whilst rummaging through your purse. The only thing that could soothe your evening was your warm bed and takeout.  You couldn't wait to — you felt something grab at your arm.

"Seriously?! I'm not in the mood for this. Abduct me another time you piece of —" You tried to shake off whoever gripped your arm. In great impatience, you finally look up at your left. Your eyes widened, and mouth gaping at the man before you.

Mingyu.

Kim fucking Mingyu.

Suddenly, at that moment, all the self-pity you felt somehow dissipated. And your wallowing sorrow conformed to rage. Hot, red, burning rage. Your composure cracked.

"Hah! Are you fucking kidding me right now? Now you decide to show up? After making me wait in the freezing cold for an hour? What do you take me for?" You shoved him off.

"Fuck, baby I can explain. I'm so sorry. I just got caught up in  a meeting, and —,"

You scoffed. "Oh wow. Really? All it's been these days is caught up. Caught up in this, caught up in that, fucking hell Mingyu. When are you never caught up in something."

"That's not fair Y/N. You know how busy I am. I didn't choose to be late."

"Late? You weren't just late. You didn’t even show up!" You could tell he had something to say, but you weren't finished,

"And you know what's not fair? The fact that my boyfriend puts in no effort in our relationship. And I'm left looking like a fucking idiot. I’m not just one of your fan girls, Mingyu. I’m your girlfriend for crying out loud!”

"Are serious right now? How could you even say that? I have a priorities Y/N. I cant just abandon them the moment you call, okay? I'm not the only person who suffers through my actions," he scowled.

"Hah. You're right. So what does that make me? Am I just a fucking burden to you then?" You were absolutely livid.

"Y/N. For fucks sake. Don't play stupid. You know what I meant —,"

"You know you could've called me right? You could've texted me, at least gave me a heads up. But I guess I'm not a "priority", huh Mingyu?," you questioned, getting even more heated up by each passing second.

He rubbed his temple, heaving out a breath.

Oh. Seriously? He was irritated? What a fucking joke.

"I tried, alright? My phone fucking died. I would've called if it didn't."

"Oh, did it? Was your phone dead the last few months too. Cause it sure seems like it.” You crossed your arms, hoping to find warmth in your own embrace.

"Y/N, I am trying my best here! Why are you being so damn difficult. I don't want to fight right now. I'm tired, alright? Can we just head inside and talk about this some other time? Please," he urged.

No. Not this time, you thought. No fucking way. You were tired too. Tired of this bullshit. Tired of burying things deep. And tired of feeling sorry for yourself.

"Well maybe your best isn’t enough for me,” you shot. “I’m done.” You stormed off, rushing to your door. You couldn't let him see you break. You refused to.

Mingyu’s eyes widened.

"What are you —," it took him no time for him to follow after you.

Once again, he grasped your hand as you were about to open the door. Only this time his grip on you was tightened. He spun you around and pinned you to your door. Your hands were clasped together and constrained.

You looked glared at him. “Let me go, Mingyu. I’m serious.”

"Don't walk away from me." His tone was stern, his voice hoarse. He was breathless and pissed. You could tell he was fuming. The veins on his hands and neck appeared more evident. His eyes glowered down at you. Though it was delivered as a command, it sounded like plea.

"For the last time, let me go. You don't wanna talk? Then we won't. Ever, even." His grip on you only tightened. Shit. He didn't respond. He just stayed quiet.

"Let go of me Mingyu! It fucking hurts." You true to writhe your hands away from his grip, but it was no use. He was much stronger than you. "If you don't let go of me, I'm going to fucking —,"

His lips were on yours. His kiss was rough, tense. You could feel the unease. But you couldn't give in. If you did, the what would it lead to? Would things go back to what they were? You didn't want that.

When you didn't kiss him back, he stopped. He looked in your eyes, desperation in his features. This is all that you need. But you didn't want to go back to before. You wanted change.

"Y/N. Please." He leaned in again, mere centimeters away from your lips. He was breathless and so, so close. You wanted him. You needed him. But, you had to fight against it.

And just when you thought you had it all figured out and mind made, his lips latch onto yours. And in the end you couldn’t resist it, because your body betrays you, and you kiss him back.

Part 2

[marwritesgood]

The Smell of Smoke

Pairing: Steve x Hopper!Reader

Timeframe: Post-Season 3

Summary: Y/n spends her first Christmas without Hopper in California with El and the Byers.

series masterlist // main masterlist

A/N: this is a side-story to my Steve series, Cardigan. i recommend reading at least the first two parts of the main storyline (if you haven't already) for context before reading this!

i wanted to write more about the reader's relationship with joyce, bc i love her and love the whole dynamic between the byers and the hoppers.

November, 1983

Hopper inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring as he focused on the road. Gripping the steering wheel of his truck, he tried to settle his anger. His eldest shifted uncomfortably and glance over to him briefly. She knew it was probably best not dig herself even deeper into trouble, but she couldn't shake how he reacted.

“You were pretty rude to her,” Y/n mumbled.

Hopper scoffed and looked at her momentarily before shaking his head. Maybe he had been a bit harsh to Joyce, but what were they expecting?

“You broke into my office and stole confidential police files,” he seethed, beginning to genuinely wonder if his daughter understood the magnitude of what she had done.

“I was gonna put them back after,” she reasoned nonchalantly.

“That’s not the point, Y/n.”

She turned her head and rolled her eyes, Hopper had to count to ten in his head before saying anything further. Y/n had never caused trouble like this before. He knew her her whole life but he could hardly recognise the person she had become.

“And since when did you start hanging around the Byers?”

She hated when he did this. When he acted like he had a right to knowing every little detail about her. It might've been a month or so since he last passed out on their front porch, but nothing had changed. Not to Y/n, at least. She furrowed her brows in annoyance.

“Dad, are you serious?”

Y/n worked with Joyce at Melvald's for almost a year. Since then, she spent more time with her and her kids than she did with Hopper, though that was not saying much. In fact, it was easy considering she only ever spoke to him a couple times a week.

Hopper sighed. When it came conversations with her, he always found himself saying the wrong thing. Usually, he would go silent, but he could not bring himself to leave things as they were. If he was going to turn a blind eye to his daughter breaking and entering a police department, he had to at least understand why.

“That still doesn’t explain things,” he said sternly.

“I didn’t realize I was being interrogated."

She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes once more. Why was he choosing now to take an interest in her feelings? Why did it take breaking into his office? Hopper's frustration grew.

“Why are sticking your nose into this?”

His voice grew louder, but it didn't appear to faze her. She leaned her head back against her chair and groaned quietly. She didn’t wanna talk about it, least of all with him.

“You’re overreacting, dad.”

“Stop avoiding the question,” Hopper snapped.

“Well, stop talking to me like I’m a criminal," she hissed.

“Just tell me why, Y/n.”

“Because it’s awful!” She yelled, clenching her jaw as she finally faced him again. His expression softened. “... A-And it’s fucked up that a kid just goes missing out of nowhere, is then found dead and the little bit of family he has are treated like shit by the entire town.”

If they weren't outright ridiculing Jonathan and Joyce, they were speculating what they did or didn't do that led to Will's disappearance. While Y/n's relationship with the Byers never really went beyond her shifts at Melvald's and the handful of times she went over to their house, she knew them well enough to know they were the least bit deserving of any of it.

“You know I used to babysit Will. Sometimes even his friends too," Y/n explained.

It started off with Joyce needing an extra hand and Y/n needing some extra cash. Then, soon enough the other moms called for Y/n’s babysitting services here and there and somewhere along the lines she ended up being decently acquainted four of the sweetest, dorkiest boys in Indiana.

"They’re good kids, dad,” she sighed.

When the news of Will's disappearance broke out, Y/n couldn't keep still. Even when her dad tried to assure her he had his best people on the case, she couldn't leave it to chance.

Y/n shuddered, unable to forget the body bag they wheeled him in on. She should have done something sooner. Everyone in Hawkins should have.

"All I know is something’s not adding up,” she added. Hopper’s expression suggested maybe he had been thinking the same thing. “And Joyce isn’t the only who has a really bad feeling about all this.”

“Ok,” he sighed. “I’ll talk to Joyce tomorrow and… go over Will’s case again. But you have to promise you’re gonna keep your nose out of it from here on out.”

"I think we both know I'm not gonna do that."

"I'm not asking you, Y/n. I''m telling you."

Hopper stopped the truck outside the cabin and turned to his daughter. Maybe defying his rules was her favourite pasttime, but he could not let it slide this time.

"Fine," she muttered. "I'll keep my nose out of it."

Gritting her teeth she left the truck and trampled towards the house, with absolutely no intention of keeping to her word.

***

December, 1985

Y/n opened the locket and saw a photo of her parents holding her when she was just a few years old. She couldn’t recall ever seeing that photo before, just the negatives in one of the boxes in the cabin.

She looked up to see Joyce and El’s warm and expecting smiles. Suddenly, a lump came to Y/n’s throat.

“Well? What do you think?” 

“I-I um….” Y/n cleared her throat. She didn’t know why she was feeling this way. All she knew was that she was far too overwhelmed to bear another second in that room. “I’m sorry, can I be excused?”

Before Joyce could ask her what was wrong, Y/n stood up from the couch and sped outside. She liked that it was warm in California. It meant that she could sit on the Byers’ front doorstep without the risk of frostbite.

Y/n held her head in her hands, kicking herself for making such a fuss over nothing. She wish she was better at accepting gifts and accepting love, but after the shitshow of a year she had just had, it was hard to remember how.

“Y/n?” Joyce approached the distraught ypung girl cautiously and sat down beside her. Y/n lifted her head and faced her. The older woman frowned. “Honey, I’m so sorry… if I overstepped getting you that gift.”

“No, Joyce,” Y/n shook her head. “You did nothing wrong. It’s just…”

She licked her lips and sighed. She hated the plethora of pity parties she had been throwing for herself recently, but there was no avoiding it. Sheepishly, she met Joyce’s gaze with glossy eyes.

“I haven’t had a family Christmas like this in a really long time, and it’s been a while since I actually got a gift from someone who… who wasn’t Steve.”

Saying his name still made her wince. That scar would be excrutiatingly slow to heal, just like everything else.

“And I…” Y/n huffed defeatedly. “I guess I just didn’t know how to feel or react.”

“Oh,” Joyce frowned. Her gaze softened as she placed a hand on Y/n’s shoulder.

While she was relieved she hadn’t upset her, it pained Joyce to even begin to imagine how hard things were for Y/n, especially when she was on her own. The young girl was damn good at pulling a brave face.

“I really like the locket though. I love it, actually,” Y/n assured her. She bit her lip nervously and sat with Joyce in the silence momentarily. “Thank you for having me over for the holidays.”

“Thank you for coming,” Joyce smiled. “It’s been a rough year and it’s been nice having a familiar face around. And I know El’s been missing her big sister since the move.”

“Really?”

Tension had been lingering between Y/n and El ever since she moved with the Byers. The entire plane ride frpm Indiana to California, Y/n´s stomach was in knots thinking of how different things with El would be.

“Absolutely,” Joyce assured her.

She saw the excitement on El’s face everytime a letter from Y/n arrived, as well as the deflated expression she took when the only person she wanted to vent to was on the other side of the country.

Joyce shifted to face Y/n. Between all the shifts she worked during the holiday rush, this was the first time she truly got to sit down with Y/n alone.

“Have you been holding up ok, Y/n?”

“Yeah, I-“ Y/n started to nod her head until she saw the way Joyce was looking at her. There was no point in lying. She sighed, her shoulder slumping. “…No. I haven’t.”

She groaned and wiped her teary eyes. Joyce rubbed her shoulder gently and stayed silent. Y/n wasn’t the only who avoided talking about him.

“I just… I miss him and I wish he were here, but I also…” Y/n inhaled sharply and looked up. “I feel really really angry. I’m angry at him for being so awful and I’m... I’m angry at myself because…”

She sighed and, much to Joyce’s surprise, let out a quiet sob. Y/n then furrowed her brows and shook her head regretfully.

“I can’t believe the last thing I said to him was that I wish he had died instead of my mom and sister,” Y/n whispered.

Maybe she had a right to be angry. Maybe the years of mistreatment and the Russian truth serum were partly to blame as well. Even so, she found it easier point the blame solely towards herself.

 “And now…” Y/n let out a cry and looked down at her hands, unable to face Joyce. “Now he’s gone, and they’re still gone and all of you are in a different state and I can’t even talk to Steve anymore and I’m all alone and I…”

“Y/n,” Joyce’s voice was soft and steady, but her hand was shaking as she placed it atop Y/n’s. Finally, the young girl looked up. “Honey, nothing that happened that night was your fault.”

Her entire face froze. She didn’t realise how badly she needed to hear those words. Joyce pulled her into her arms and hugged her tightly. Maybe she couldn’t fix everything that happened to Y/n, but a nice meal and good Christmas was a good place to start.

“Let’s go inside and have some food, yeah?”

Y/n nodded and followed Joyce back inside to where Will, El and Jonathan had already set up the table. She felt her worries ease as she remembered Joyce’s words, and tried not to think about how much time she had before it wore off and she was back to wallowing.

***

January, 1985

It was New Years Eve, but the Byers house was quiet. Jonathan was out with Argyle, while Will and Joyce were fast asleep in their rooms. Y/n took the tub of ice cream she had bought earlier out from the freezer and grabbed two spoons from the kitchen drawer.

She reached El’s bedroom door and noticed the three inch gap. Her heart sank. She shouldn’t have waited so long to do this. Y/n knocked once on the door and then peeked her head in.

“Hey,” she said softly, smiling when she saw El turn around from her desk. Y/n knew she was still up. She held out the tub and the two spoons with a playful smile. “You wanna share?”

Instantly, El grinned and sat down on the bed with Y/n. The two of them at began eating the ice cream in silence. For a moment, it felt like nothing had changed. Like they were back in Y/n’s room. Like they were back together in Hawkins.

El nervously glanced up at her sister.

“Y/n,” she said quietly. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” the older girl replied.

Y/n watched curiously as El bit ler lip and looked away momentarily. When she finally looked bacj at her older sister, she couldn’t stop the tears that formed in the corner of her eyes.

“Are you mad at me?” She asked. “Because I didn’t stay in Hawkins with you?”

The older girl almost choked on her ice cream.

“Wh- No! Of course I’m not-“

El tilted her head raised her brows, making an expression Y/n was famous for making countless times in the past. The older girl sighed.

“Ok, I guess I was a little bit in the beginning. But, now I get why you chose to come here,” Y/n admitted. “I think I wasn’t really angry, but just really sad that we were gonna be separated. It was like I was losing you too.”

The two of them frowned. El hadn’t considered Y/n would feel that way.

“But… there’s no way I could have looked after you the way Joyce has,” Y/n stated honestly.

El needed the normalcy and stability of going to school in California with Will and having family dinners and breakfast. Y/n would have never been able to give her that, no matter how badly she wanted her to stay.

“Even though it sucks being away from you, it’s nice knowing you’re not alone.”

At first the polaroids El sent with letters of them together left Y/n with a bitter after taste. But quickly enough, she learned to get over her ego and relish in the fact that El was surrounded by a family that loved her as their own.

“Is that how you feel?” El asked worriedly. “…Alone?”

“I don’t know, maybe a little,” Y/n mumbled. She noticed the concern in El’s expression and immediately shook her head and smiled weakly. “But, look… don’t worry about me. I’ll figure things out.”

The room went quiet. El scooped one last spoonful of ice cream before letting out a sigh.

“…I miss him.”

They reached the bottom of the ice cream tub, which only added to their sadness. El opted to lie down on the bed and Y/n followed suit. They stared at the ceiling and frowned.

“It’s hard to talk about him when you’re not here,” El explained. “Joyce is nice, but… it’s not the same.”

Y/n knew the funny things Hoppers did when it was just the three of them. Y/n was there when El slammed the door in his face for the first time because he refused to let her leave the cabin. Y/n was the one person she could vent to about anything and everything.

To Y/n, El could say nothing at all and still feel understood. There was no one like her.

“I know,” Y/n sighed. “I used to talk about him sometimes with Steve and Nancy, but… no one at home really understands how I feel.”

That wasn’t necessarily the worst part. The worst part was how hard they often tried to understand. With El, Y/n could vent to her heart’content and El would simply do the only thing Y/n wanted: she’d listen quietly and eat ice cream with her.

“No one here understands me at all,” El whispered.

Y/n frowned. She hated being apart from El, especially since it meant not being able to do anything to fix or change things. She reached out for her little hand and, instead, decided to take a page out of her book. Maybe they lived in different states now, but her flight home wasn’t for another week.

Y/n turned her head to El.

“I’m here.”

El let out a breath and smiled. She had so much to tell her.

***

March, 1986

Y/n handed Mike the envelope and the round tin container of baked goods.

“Ok, so the letter is for El but the oatmeal cookies are for Joyce,” she explained.

“Ok, got it,” Mike nodded.

Y/n noticed how his hands trembled. She placed her hand on his shoulder gently and smiled.

“Are you nervous?”

Mike shot his head up and felt his cheeks flush. He had been looking forward to spring break in California for so long, but now that his flight was only a few hours away, he felt anxiously restless.

“A little, yeah,” he aswered sheepishly.

“Why?” Y/n asked softly. “She’s been dying to see you, I’m sure you’ll have a great time.”

“Has she… said anything about me to you? You know, in her letters or when you went to see her.”

Y/n took her hand of his shoulder and walked around the counter. El told her a lot of things about Mike, but her lips were sealed.

“You know I can’t tell you, Mike.”

“Oh c’mon, why not?”

“Because,” Y/n began, donning a serious tone. “I’m bound to confidentiality by the most sacred of all oaths.”

Mike narrowed his eyes at her. She couldn’t be serious.

“Sisters don’t tell secrets is not a sacred oath, Y/n.”

“Oh, like you would know,” Y/n retorted.

Mike huffed when Y/n stood in front of him. She closed her eyes briefly and tried to ignore her pounding headache for just a few more seconds.

“Have a safe flight and say hi to her for me, ok?” Y/n asked softly as she pulled him in for a brief hug. “… Her and Joyce!”

Mike put the letter in his backpack before turning around and heading for the door. Maybe he would have to find out for himself what was going on with his girlfriend.

“I will,” he responded as he waved goodbye and left the video store. As the front door slammed shut, Y/n felt the pounding in her head return, only this time it was ten times worse.

***

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cardigan series taglist:

@littlepadfootmoony @geeksareunique @agustdeeyaa @ilovetaylorswift1 @babygirlwilly @rqmanoff @midnightsgetawaycar

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey Makenzie! Bookblr ask for you - have you ever read any of the books that Bridgerton is based on? Idk if you ever watched that show but the books are... interesting to say the least. They are all trashy romances set in the historical era (regency era England tho iirc the author is American). I've read a couple of them and they're a bit basic, but you mentioning your tolerance for bad shit in romances did make me wonder if you might like them? Deffo do think they have their moments of joy sparking although there's other questionable shit in them too. Anyway if you do ever check them out I'd love to know what you think of them!

hi! fun question!

I actually haven't delved much into historical romance, with the exception of Alexis Hall's A Lady for the Duke (it's EVERYTHING, very swoony and silly in the best. I wish the last chunk of the book had just been about the duke sucking Viola's dick instead of the very goofy plot that actually happened, but no book is perfect) and KJ Charles' Magpie Lord (it's fine, although I commend the use of jizz magic).

I first started the monthly romance reads last year basically because I wanted to study the genre and figure out how it works, but Romance as a category is so huge that I figured it made the most sense to focus in one area - in my case, popular contemporary romances rather than historical or werewolf stuff or romantasy (again, exception for the Magpie Lord) or whatever's going on in those ones that are about romanticizing the Amish. if I remember correctly, I only branched out to A Lady for the Duke last year as a little pride month treat for myself, because I wanted to get at least one trans romance in for the year (this was back when I thought I was only reading romances for 2023) and that book was really well-reviewed.

I haven't explored into historical romance beyond that. I think maybe it feels a little less interesting to me than contemporary romances for reasons I can't quite place - maybe because the image I have in my head of "historical romance" is very Bridgerton-y, and the particular set of tropes I affiliate with that isn't very compelling to me. say what you will about contemporary romances, but at least it's just a given that women can vote, you know? but I don't know, maybe that's exactly why I should give historicals a chance. I didn't know a lot about contemporary romance either when I first dove in, and now I can complain about them in a way that's way more detailed and informed. I need a theme for my July romance poll; maybe I could celebrate the 4th of July by reading a book about shitty dead white people?

if nothing else I have to say that it compels me that you think I might like Bridgerton specifically because of my high level of shit tolerance, that genuinely makes me more interested in the books than anything good you could say about them.

[bleachbleachbleach]

2/24 - 3/2/2024

For the last couple months, I've been working my way through Pravesh Bhardwaj's favorite short stories of 2023, and not enjoying a lot of them. Maybe Bhardwaj and I just have different taste, but I kept thinking to myself, "so what? why did we just spend this time with these characters?" or, alternately, grating at the "reveals," because I kept receiving them as weirdly trite. Trite in ways that I guess I don't associate with contemporary fiction. Like, ohhh he killed the friend for drugs! or She was in a mental hospital! Like, what is this, an episode of Law and Order?

But there is also a voice inside me that's like, I think you're reading these uncharitably, because these writers aren't stupid and don't seem like the type to condescend to the sensational and probably aren't actually doing that. Maybe it's YOUR brain failing to read for nuance. And in the case of "spending time with these characters," I was like, what am I wanting, exactly? A plot? A thesis? The former doesn't sound like me; I almost never read anything for the plot. As for theses, maybe?? But it's not like I wanted some heavy-handed symbol or Meaning-Laden Scene to come bursting through the door like the Kool-Aid Man. I like reading things that are just studies of a character's life. "People sitting around" is my favorite genre. I still felt like I kept coming up short after reading them, though, like, is that it? Is there no meaning to this? (Am I blind to the meaning? Am I blinding myself because I'm imposing some rigid set of expectations or "shoulds" onto things instead of reading openly and with some semblance of intelligence?)

I thought maybe I just don't want a short story right now, and need something longer. I really enjoyed the novella Make it Black by Andre Dubus III, which really is just a lady sitting with people and driving around. But even then, toward the end I felt like the meaning got a little too pointed, even though I've been grumbling this whole time about the ~meaning of it all not being pointed enough.

But then I was like, oh, lmao, you know what all of this actually sounds like? I'M PROBABLY JUST DEPRESSED AND BURNT OUT. (Cue realization hitting as though these things haven't been true for years, albeit manifested in ways other than these very specific ruminations on short stories.)

Writing-wise, I can only hope that what I am writing is also secretly good, like those short stories probably are. I didn't write very much this week, though I read the aforementioned Make it Black, and Chapters 86-88 of Bleach. I did write for a couple hours yesterday, which was a decent enough time. I found myself wanting to write a lot this week, and then not doing it. In addition to my generally just being a wet husk of a person, this week has been acutely sad. My sister had to put her dog to sleep on Sunday, so this week I've spent most of my free time energy being sporadically weepy about that and trying to send my sister long-distance love. It's one of those things where I was like, god, I really want to write, because I want to process this grief through fanfic. But after going to job-work and doing the laborious work of Being Sad, I was just like, I am too exhausted to do anything else, I barely did THOSE things.

I was struggling to remember what, exactly, I wrote yesterday--because it continues to be drop-in scenes in the Hisagi chapter--but it looks like it was some overwrought Hisagi thoughts about Matsumoto I'll probably delete, some Hitsugaya paragraphs that took 19 years to write apiece, some jinzen lore, and this exchange between Hisagi and Rukia:

“We’re not going anywhere. No one’s going anywhere. Just rest,” Hisagi says. How he manages to make the truth sound so unconvincing is beyond him. There’s an unbridled terror in her eyes that Hisagi does not know how to handle. The 4th makes it look so easy.

Kuchiki locks onto Hisagi. Maybe she can see his terror, too. He watches as hers closes itself behind an impassive mask, eyes hardening into dark stones. She, too, makes it look easy, though the green tinge to her cheeks and the new beads of sweat at her brow, already weeping down her temples, betray her.

“The thing I did with the hell butterfly. That’s what you’re feeling. It should help. It will help.” Hisagi tries to sound as reassuring as possible.

Kuchiki looks less than reassured, though more put out by the notion than terrified by it. So there’s that.

"In the Living World, Kurosaki Isshin is a human doctor. But I also saw him successfully operate on a dog once," Kuchiki informs him. “He was very good at it. Even so, I don’t know that I would expect a dog doctor to operate on a human.”

It’s unclear whether the statement is encouragement or insult, but Hisagi has published enough Kuchiki poetry to know that it is likely intended as both.

“Akon handled the actual surgery,” Hisagi offers.

This Kuchiki cannot be won over. “Perhaps it would suffice if it were Ichigo. If Ichigo needed the operation, I mean. He’s very good at that.”

“At... being a dog?”

“At enduring what he’s given.”

[spacebeyonce]

📚dom's library: may wrap up📚

alright! wrap up for all the books I've read (or tried to read) in may. I was able to read soooo many books (13!!! 13 books!!!) thanks to the libby app and my job letting us listen to stuff through our headphones. I haven't read this many books since high school!

this will be a bit long, because I'm not going to be short about these books, so. bear with me! june's will probably be a smaller list lmao. and I will try my best to be spoiler free in my reviews!

anyway! let's get into it.

5 - 4 ⭐:

👻 how to sell a haunted house by grady hendrix (5⭐)

after the sudden death of her parents, louise has to return to charleston to deal with her parents' estate and her insufferable younger brother mark, who she's been estranged from for years. as they sift through their childhood home, laden with memories and puppets, mark and louise discover that this house has more than the puppets and dolls for them to handle.

lord, this book. I've liked most of grady hendrix's books so far, but this one really got me. I loved this! I had so much fun listening to it! it was giving goosebumps energy and I LOVED that, I was LIVING.

it was funny, it was scary, and it was horribly sad when I didn't expect it to be. when I tell you that I finished this audiobook quietly sobbing at my work desk I am not bullshitting you. how to sell a haunted house is a reminder for why I do not fuck with puppets or dolls.

🌆 if beale street could talk by james baldwin (5⭐)

nineteen years old, clementine (mainly known as tish) is in love with her childhood friend alfonzo (mainly known as fonny), and has recently discovered that she is pregnant with his child. they plan to marry, but then fonny is imprisoned for a crime that he did not commit. with the clock ticking down until the birth of their child, tish and her family work in an effort to clear fonny's name and get him out of jail.

AAAAH!!! this BOOK!!! I had borrowed it on a whim 'cause I'm interested in watching the movie adaptation, but was curious to see how the book went before that. and jesus christ.

this was so.....like when I reached the end, I felt very.....incomplete?? the open ending jarred me a little, but I definitely didn't hate it! I would have liked a concrete ending, a true conclusion, but the uncertainty the book ended on...it felt real. realistic. it stung a bit.

I loved reading tish and fonny fall in love, and my GOD did they fall - they love each other so ardently, so completely!! the devotion they have for each other, my goodness. it definitely stole my breath a few times.

and their families!!! the way most of them went above and beyond to do what they can and get fonny out of jail!! the full, open support they have for tish and her pregancy!! the absolute love and joy her family has at welcoming a new life into the world oh my goddddd. I believe in love y'all, I truly do.

🚢 into the raging sea by rachel slade (5⭐)

on october 1st, 2015, hurricain joaquin struck the bahamas and sank the cargo ship el faro, taking all thirty three lives on board. after interviews with family of the crew, maritime experts, and using the last twenty six hours of audio captured on the el faro's last voyage, rachel slade recounts the final hours of the crew of the el faro and casts a critical light on the maritime shipping industry, and how lives were sacrificed for profit.

okaaaaay, so I mentioned a while back that I get really focused on a certain shipwreck every now and then. for the last couple months, thanks to the well there's your problem podcast, I've been ridiculously fixated on the sinking of the s.s. el faro back in 2015 - a cargo ship that sailed directly into the eye of a cat 3 hurricane and got its shit rocked. when I heard this book mentioned, I had to see if it was available to listen to. and it was!!!

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it takes a lot for me to get into a non-fiction book - and this one had me riveted. this disaster really was just one little mistake after another, until it became a domino effect that they couldn't escape. I think this has gripped me so because it was so preventable. this didn't have to happen! if the ship was in a better state, if the captain pulled his head out of his ass and listened to his crew, if tote maritime company wasn't so fixated on profit that the people working on these ships become collateral, like....!! 🗣️EL PROBLEMA ES CAPITALISMO!!! and fuck climate change!!!

⛪ transcendent kingdom by yaa gyasi (5⭐)

gifty, a sixth year phd student, is taking on the care of her mother, who is so depressed she can't get out of bed. gifty is studying neuroscience, trying to understand how the brain is affected by depression and addiction - for her mother, and for her brother, nana, who died of an overdose after becoming addicted to pain medication. while dealing with this loss and the decline of her mother, gifty is also grappling with her faith, raised in an evangelical household and trying to reconcile all the pain she has lived through with the peace and salvation she was promised through the church.

my review for this book was simply that I felt flayed open. that this book carved my chest open, cracked apart my ribs and peered inside. gifty's thoughts and struggles when it came to christianity were so like my own that I was genuinely shaken. her questions, her doubts, her feelings and hoping and wanting - I've felt all of that, too. all of it!

in gifty I truly see so much of myself. her struggles with religion and faith, and especially the loss of faith in the face of loss. of praying so much, praying so hard for a loved one to get well, to live on, and then it just...not happening. nothing can cut your faith quicker than that.

her relationship with her mother as well like goddamn godDAMN....that same kind of tough love. that same wild devotion to god. that same ability to just say the most cutting, out of pocket shit about you out of NOWHERE....gifty you are stronger than the us marines. doubly so because she also had to deal with ALABAMA. ALABAMA!!! AND A WHITE ASS TOWN TOO!!! STRENGTH!!!!

🦢 the beautiful ones by silvia moreno-garcia (5⭐)

a regency-esque story based in fantasy france with a sprinkle of magic, we follow the stories of antonina beaulieu, hector auvray, and valerie beaulieu as they deal with the grand season and all that entails. antonina, hoping to find love like the ones she's read in stories - and also hoping to outrun the rumors about her due to her telekinetic powers. hector, a telekinetic preformer that has returned to loisail after ten years with one goal in mind: to win back the heart of his first love - the crown jewel of loisail, valerie beaulieu.

when I tell you that this book had me KICKING MY FEET and GIGGLING!!! I AM A HECTOR/NINA TRUTHER, I BELIEVE!! it was so sweet?? and romantic?? and I love a good second chance romance, though it doesn't fall under what that trope usually means. but it was so sweet!! that's all I can say over and over and over, I just. it was love prevailing despite the odds. nina was so bright and earnest and true to herself, and hector had such a quiet sweetness beneath all that melancholy.

and valerie. bro she is so cersei-core I am SICK. the desire to have the power that your name once held, the resentment of having to follow the whims of what's expected of you and not what you want, looking down on other women and holding yourself above them, loving someone so fiercely and madly that it kind of twists into hate like!!! cersei lannister core!!! this woman was NASTY work and I LOVED her.

I do wish that hector and nina's powers were explored a little more? like....what's the magic system. how did these powers happen. are there other people with powers. but it didn't bring down the story for me! I really loved this, I was swooning.

🌊 river woman, river demon by jennifer givhan (4.75⭐)

eva santos moon is a wife, mother, artist - and witch, practicing brujeria and curanderisma in honor of her late mother. eva has hit a low point in her life - inspiration has left her, she's suffering from blackouts and memory issues, and her connection to her magic feels distant. on top of all this, she is haunted by the death of a beloved childhood friend that happened many years ago, and memories of her are stirring when her husband is incarcerated as a suspect for the murder of their friend, eva must do her best to hold her family together and free her husband - even though she doesn't believe he's as innocent as he claims...

this book bro.....this fuckin' book. it was - I loved the mystery! the connection between the death of her friends, past and present. but the main character?? eva??? she drove me up the fucking wall.

she was so deep in her goddamn head it was genuinely wild as a mf. like, when her husband says something that read SO CLEARLY to me that he wanted his wife to BELIEVE IN HIM she's just like 'oh is he accusing me, is he saying I'm the bad guy here' like my sister in christ!!! pull your head out of your ass for five seconds and trust in your man!!! and oh my GOD her man.

jericho is a fine fine fine slice of chocolate cake. he is steady, he is warm and inspiring, hardworking and devoted. he is ten toes DOWN for eva, he is UNSHAKEABLE for her. and she just doubts and doubts and doubts. and I KNOW it's for the character journey. but like bitch if you're gonna mistrust your husband like this then I'LL take him, shit!!

aside from that, this book was SO good. I really enjoyed the mystery plot throughout, and when everything started coming together I was literally screaming in the car at every twist and reveal like broooooo. excellent book. but get your shit together eva.

3 - 2 ⭐:

🎸 we sold our souls by grady hendrix (3.25⭐)

twenty years after the end of metal band durt wurk, former guitarist kris polaski is miserable. her job is terrible, she has no money, no friends, and no music in her. on top of all that, kris gets news that chills her to the bone - terry hunt, her old bandmate and the man who cast his bandmates off to go solo is going on a farewell tour and bringing his band koffin to a close. pushed to finally confront terry and demand answers for his abandonment, kris decides to try and reunite her bandmates, knowing the risk - knowing that they might still hate her, for what she did. but on the way, kris finds out that terry might have given away more than just durt wurk's sucess in his effort to rise to the top.

okay so like most of the grady hendrix books I've read so far, this was good! but it definitely wasn't the best of his books for me. that crown is deserved for how to sell a haunted house. but we sold our souls is a pretty fun romp, that definitely had some chilling moments that made you paranoid right along with kris. you couldn't trust the people around you. you never knew who - or what - might be watching.

and there was a part 68% in that was so upsetting that I just closed the audiobook and hopped out the libby app. like I was done for the day, shit was rough.

but at the end of the day, this did end up being pretty mid for me. I also did not appreciate all the microagressions made about black artists and black music. could have done without that!

🌱 parable of the sower by octavia butler (3.25⭐)

in the distant future of 2024, the united states has crumbled due to climate change. resources are scarce, good water is hard to find, and people are willing to do anything and everything to make sure they can survive. at fifteen, lauren olamina lives in a community with her family, gated off and secluded from the outside dangers. lauren also struggles with hyperempathy, taking on the pain of others to a debilitating degree, and though their community is surviving, lauren knows that the security they have made for themselves won't last, and that their community needs to be ready for when that day comes. and in her efforts to find hope in such a hopeless world, lauren tries to figure out god - and creates a new faith that she believes will one day lead them to the stars.

this book was fucking ROUGH bro like.....truly on some mad max shit where it's every man for themselves. honestly I got a little tired of it a little over halfway 'cause like. idk I just can't believe that people would inherently fall back to violence in these conditions. that we'd all do what we can to help each other...I dunno. but shit was bleak! and there was a lot of sexual assault of women and girls, which I didn't appreciate. once again, probably because I cannot believe that humanity as a whole would just be so violent. but hey!

also - that relationship that happened at the end?? you know the one. what the hell was that. what is it with octavia butler and these damn age gaps jesus christ.

all in all, it was a solid middle of the road read for me. it was a little disorienting to read this in 2024, but still enlightening somewhat. idk if I'll read the next book any time soon though.

🍎 ripe by sarah rose etter (2.5⭐)

one year into her job at a startup in silicone valley, cassie is struggling; work eats away at her, long hours surrounded by coworkers and supervisors that look down and disrespect her. she barely has friends and she's making it by the skin of her teeth in an expensive city that she hates. she's lonely - but never alone, her constant, unending companion a black hole that's been with her since childhood, ebbing and flowing depending on her anxiety and depression. when her job starts demanding actions of the dubiously ethical variety and she suddenly finds herself in the family way, cassie has to decide if a life in san francisco is truly what she wants.

besties I fucking hated this book. it was literally just seven hours of this woman bitching and moaning and woe is me-ing but not really making any changes until the last fucking second. she thinks she's better than the people she works with, but still marches to their drum, pulling some pretty sketch shit against a rival startup and bringing a pakistani man into this bullshit company, knowing that he's going to get screwed, all while playing the world's smallest goddamn violin for herself. ain't that just like a white woman, smh.

and I'm sure that's the point of this book. I understand! this is supposed to be a critique on capitalism, on hustle culture, on work and how it drains the life out of you and demands so much of you only to give so little in return. I get it! truly!

but baby I am not connecting with this white woman languishing in silicon valley, throwing a whole pity party for herself but doing nothing to better her situation. I am a firm believer of hitting the fucking bricks when a situation is ass. there are better jobs out there with better coworkers in more affordable places. these people don't care about you. Real Winners Quit.

the ending was also ambiguous as a mf and I don't care enough about cassie to feel a type of way about it. my good sis, go to therapy. you can't cocaine your way out of everything.

....now I feel like even two stars is generous. hm.

0️⃣ unrated:

⛵ deep as the sky, red as the sea by rita chang-eppig

after the death of her pirate husband by portuguese sailors, shek yeung has to act fast in order to retain her power over the red pirate fleet. agreeing to marry her late husband's second in command and bear a child, shek yeung also has to contend with greater threats as china's emperor increases efforts to remove pirates entirely from the south china seas.

this book is p much based on the life of ching shih, one of the baddest female pirates to ever do it. the story was tense, with a lot of political intrigue when it came to the pirates and the different colored fleets. shek yeung is a boss ass protagonist, a woman that was made hard because of the bullshit life threw at her, but she kept her wits about her and made the best decisions she could to come out on top - and alive.

I think if I would rate this after the fact I'd give it a solid 4.75⭐! a very easy read, but tw for sexual assault - that is a big part of some of the main characters' backstories (shek yeung and the second in command specifically). the ending was a little sad, but all in all an enjoyable book.

🍄 sorrowland by rivers solomon

vern is fifteen and seven months pregnant when she escapes from the religious compound she was made to call home, fleeing deep into the woods for safety. she births her children there, and plans to raise them wild and free - but there are changes happening to her body. changes that she can't explain. and to understand the changes and protect her children, vern will have to return to the one place that she had desperately wanted to escape.

this one, oh man. what a fuckin' ride it was. vern is one of those characters that are very...prickly. she's always got her defenses up and is ready to snap at you quick fast in a hurry, and I love her. she was wild, and her twin babies are adorable - and their names are very interesting haha!

there's also a sapphic romance, which was really sweet! I was concerned for a while that I had run into another couple with a huge age gap, but it wasn't! thank fuck. parable of the sower was enough.

the story has a lot going on - examination of religion and how it can be used to exploit people that have been left behind by the world, a bit of supernatural scifi, human experimentation, and finding love and community and connection despite it all, despite trying so damn hard to make yourself an island. if I rated it now....4.25⭐

🌕 daughter of the moon goddess by sue lynn tan

all her life, xingyin has been raised in secret; living on the moon with her mother, the goddess chang'e, who was exiled to the moon for stealing an elixir of immortality, her existence has been hidden from the celestial emperor - but one can't stay hidden forever. when her existence is discovered, xingyin is forced to leave behind the only home she has ever known, and ends up in the celestial kingdom. alone and afraid, xingyin decides that she will do whatever it takes to return home - and to free her mother from her lunar prison.

I read this book because I am a sucker for pretty covers and BOY does this one deliver. I had a fun time with this book, though the prose did get a little heavy at times. but I think this is the author's first book ever? so I gave a little grace. it wasn't crazy distracting or anything lmao.

but whew! this book had a lot going on. the magic system of this world was pretty fuckin' neat, and it was cool to see xingyin find her footing in this new world and do her best to achieve her goals! I was rooting for her. there is, unfortunately, a love triangle, and it was annoying, but mostly because I am too old for that shit lmao. I was also ridiculously annoyed at how she spend like 20% of the book being a hardass to one of the love interests because of something that happened OUT OF HIS CONTROL and is kinda connected to HIS JOB but whatever. whatever!

I'll probably read the sequel as well, but not anytime soon! until then, my rating now would be....4⭐

🌿 the daughters of temperance hobbs by katherine howe

connie goodwin is a professor at a university in boston, specializing in america's history with witchcraft. a successful scholar, connie is more connected to the history of witchcraft in america than she'd like to admit - a direct descendant of a woman that was tried as a witch during the trials in salem. a series of events force connie to realize that her partner's life may be in danger, a curse tracing through her bloodline, killing any man that falls in love with a woman in her family. with time slowly running out, connie must confront her family's past, and solve the mystery behind the curse that has plagued her family for generations.

oh this one was FUN, y'all. I ate this book up quick! and apparently it's the second book in a series?? I had no idea! it stands well enough on its own that honestly I don't think I need to read the first one to understand what's going on. the main character, connie, tried my goddamn patience lmao. she is the prime example of people that are so deep in academia that their relationships kinda suffer for it. like talk to your man girl!! talk to him about this damn curse!!! and the [redacted]!!! you can't just think that he can READ YOUR MIND and just KNOW like GIRRLLLLLL.

speaking of her man, sam is just a delight. truly a darling. by the end of the book I was just like god when will it be my turn. WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN??? GOD

I also really liked the flashbacks to women in connie's family line, they were all cool as hell - especially temperance! she was neat.

and zazie.....the only woman of color in a sea of white nonsense. she is stronger than any us marine because she is a woman of color doing grad school in a predominantly white college. I know she has been through things that would make connie's hair turn white. you deserve everything you want sis, you truly do.

and I thiiiink.....4.5⭐, if I rated this book now.

🕯️ black candle women by diane marie brown

the montrose women have been living contentedly in a california bungalow for years, keeping mostly to themselves. their lives have been calm - until the youngest montrose, nickie, brings home a boy and throws their world into disarray. because the boy is a reminder. a reminder of a secret that they have kept from nickie for years - a curse. a curse that if a man falls in love with a montrose woman, then they're destined to die.

this is basically in the same vein as the daughters of temperance hobbs but with black women and black magical culture. and I LOVED it. all of the women in the montrose family - augusta, victoria, willow, and nickie - are so vibrant. they all butt heads, of course, but at the end of the day there's still love.

victoria was a little triggering at times lmao mostly because she really reminded me of my own mom at times, and LORD do we butt heads. it was worse when I was a teenager, so I really felt for nickie when her mother started tightening that leash. and willowwwww oh my god I loved herrrr. she was so chill and so full of love. and augusta! she may not be able to physically speak, but that doesn't stop her from speaking her mind!

I absolutely recommend this - if you want a story about generations of black women working through misunderstandings, beating a curse that has dogged their heels for years, and loving each other despite the bumps along the way, then read this!! read it!! if I rated this now, I think I'm giving it a solid 5⭐

❌ DNF:

💀 gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir

reason for DNF: the writing made me wanna die a little? it was very like.....if you like homestuck and think it's still funny, then this book will work for you. it did not work for me. also, all the fucking names were so hard to keep track of. but mostly it was just the writing - all those quips! I am not a teenager, this shit isn't funny to me anymore please relax.

🏡 the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson

reason for DNF: I just didn't like the audiobook 😭, I'm gonna try and check out a physical copy when I can...I think I'll like it more if I'm actually READING it.

and that's it! that's my may wrapup! this was more work than I expected, whew. but! if anyone gives these books a read, or has read them before, let me know your thoughts!

[your-greatest-queen]

I know a lot of folks don't like ADHD meds, for a variety of reasons, but oh my god. Oh my motherfucking god. These are a godsend for me.

I've been on concerta for about a year now (lowest dosage) and it's helped improve my focus and has lowered my depression. I thought it was amazing. Recently, I got my dosage upped.

My bedroom was a high level depression pit. It was nasty. I haven't actually slept in my own bed in months because it was covered in stuff. But it was so overwhelming to look at that it triggered executive dysfunction with just a glance, and so I never could clean it. My room is now clean; reorganized, dusted, vacuumed, disinfected, redecorated- it's been YEARS since it looked this nice.

I'm in grade 12.5 because I was so dysfunctional in grade 11 that I dropped out halfway through. I spent grade 12 making up for it; but even then, on my first dosage and doing better, I wasn't doing great. I haven't taken notes in years. I have winged almost every test I've ever taken. I wrote every essay the night before it was due. Rough drafts who? I managed to pull decent grades, sometimes even pretty good ones. But it was never ending stress because of my habits and I was almost always behind.

I'm ahead in my classes now. I'm doing assignments the day they're assigned. I'm writing notes and brainstorming pages of ideas and breaking things down for myself. I'm getting straight 90s. I haven't felt this confident and secure in academics since middle school.

Our house was never totally clean. The basement (my charge) was always a disaster. Having people over was at best a little shameful and at worst downright humiliating. My mother cleans, but the messes she makes outweigh it. It was my job to handle the basics, at least, after school every day. I couldn't. I could do a few things, but I got burnt out or bored too fast to complete a day's work. Small projects were put off for months.

I come home from school now and within a couple of hours, I've vacuumed upstairs and downstairs, I've done the dishes, I've taken out the trash, I've brushed the cats, I've cleaned the living room and the kitchen, I've switched the laundry- yesterday I used the toilet and then just. Reorganized the entire bathroom. Today I came home and immediately untangled the huge knotted ball of my mother's necklaces that she asked me to fix for her weeks ago. On Saturday not only did I brush my cats, I also shampooed them, conditioned them, and clipped their claws.

I used to hoard clothing because going through them was the most tedious, boring task in existence. I've recently donated over six full garbage bags worth of stuff.

I used to have to write down every single task as soon as it was given, even if there were only two, because I'd always forget at least one thing. Now I can remember upwards of five things at once, even better than the person who assigned the task in the first place.

My moods feel more regulated, I'm socializing more, I'm advocating for myself in situations where I'd previously let people walk over me, I'm making goals for the future, I have more real free time, I'm less stressed- it's a little sad that I've spent almost a decade not getting this, but I am BEYOND thrilled that I get to have this now :D

Anyway, lil happy rant because I'm very very excited!! Thanks for reading, byyyye~

[truly-hopeless]

Honest Question About A Fic

So not too long ago, while at work, I was thinking about a story of mine that I haven't updated in almost two years. The story is titled "I Move the Stars For No One," which is a retelling of Rumpelstiltskin with L/Light Yagami as the main ship that I started writing after reading other LawLight fairy tale rewrites, namely eleonoraw's Merman and Totoroto's Snow Moon. It was my first story published to AO3 near the beginning of the pandemic and was my first LawLight fic. It currently sits unfinished at seven chapters (there was an eighth, a scrapped prologue, but I moved it to "The Dead Darling Graveyard" since it had little to do with the story) and was last updated December 2021. While I like parts of the current version (such integrating other fairy tales into the story since I'm a sucker for that kind of thing), I feel dissatisfied with the story for several reasons:

It's taking too long to get to the main conflict of the story (Beyond disrupting Light and L's arrangement and the two needing to find a way to stop that from happening) even without the long hiatuses and that smaller conflicts (L hiding he's a goblin from Light, Light feeling conflicted about what to do now that he's not going to be executed, and Misa's jealousy) are getting resolved too easily.

The story barely resembles Rumplestiltskin at all. Sure, it was always going to be a different story from the original fairy tale since the protagonists' identities and circumstances that make them desperate enough to ask a magical stranger for help and who they fall in love with are not the same (while the miller's daughter can definitely do better than the greedy king demanding she spin straw into gold on pain of death, never in a million years is she going to consider the man who demands she hand over her baby [presumably to eat it] in exchange for his help marriage material unless there is serious tweaking done to his character), it still feels off.

The main characters feel out of character. Light and L became too familiar too fast (even for a ship fic) and there's no real tension after L's deception is revealed and Light forgives him (too easily, I feel). And while I don't necessarily want to vilify Misa to add conflict (especially since I just complained about how awful the king in the original fairy tale was), she should be a little more unwilling to share Light with L (even if she is the one that gets to marry him) and push back more.

I just hate the title. It was taken from lyrics of a song from Labyrinth, but outside of L being the King of Goblins in this story and the memory-wiping peaches there's nothing in common with Labyrinth either; it could have been, if I wasn't afraid of adding more conflict and making L more dark grey when it comes to morality, but that wasn't what I wrote.

So I'm thinking about rewriting the story, to make it more in line with both the original fairy tale and in the spirit of LawLight. But that comes with it's own problems:

If you've been following me for any amount of time, you'll know that I'm not the most consistent when it comes to updating my stories; it could be anywhere between a week to four months to a whole year before I update something due to a combination of burnout, stress when I think about how I'm almost thirty and nothing in my life is coming together, and being distracted by other story ideas. Speaking of...

I have too much shit going on as is when it comes to writing. I was tagged for that WIP ask game a few weeks ago, where I had to list out all the stuff I've been working on. The list has 31 drafts and I found out today that I still forgot to list a couple (not going back to change it now) and then there are ideas that play out in my head during work or when I'm trying to sleep that I haven't brought myself to write down because I am trying to keep the new WIPs to a minimum.

I have yet to finish a long story (I have the same problem as the protagonist from Dave Made a Maze: I start all these projects, but never finish them) and will feel slightly guilty for abandoning yet another one, even if it's for the sake of a rewrite instead of abandoning it altogether and trying to forget they exist like the stories on my FFN account.

So what should I do?

[searedtroutpeacharugula]

To quote the most wise and noble scholars of our age, "well, THAT just happened!"

I don't think any of us could have possibly expected this, but Homestuck^2, the (much-maligned) Homestuck sequel, is back.

And to top that off, it's looking good.

James Roach, who composed many of the tracks for Homestuck's more recent projects and was generally one of the few well-known people still openly associated with the IP in any official capacity, has formed the Homestuck Independent Creative Union, or HICU, with Andrew Hussie's blessing. Dedicated to finally completing the long-abandoned HS^2 project (now rebranded as simply Homestuck: Beyond Canon) as well as working on even more Homestuck projects in the future(!!!), HICU would appear to be the greatest hope that Homestuck has for the future.

Now, I'm going to preface this by saying two things. First: I have only been involved in the Homestuck fandom since the beginning of this year, and I only finished the original comic last month. I am by no means a long-time fandom member, nor do I have the same experiences with the fandom that many other people have had. Second: I have not read/played the Homestuck Epilogues, Homestuck^2, or any meaningful amount of Hiveswap Friendsim or Pesterquest. While I am familiar with a couple concepts from post-canon Homestuck, I am unfamiliar with any of the works in their entirety.

That being said, I still want to discuss my opinion on the sudden return of post-canon, and what I think the future of Homestuck may be. My time as a Homestuck may have so far been relatively brief, but the comic has made an incredible impact on my life. HS holds a special place in my heart, and even if I'm not the most well-educated fan I still want to put my opinion out there.

I am, to put it in simple terms, cautiously optimistic about the return of Homestuck^2. To my knowledge, HS^2 has so far been a complete and total trainwreck. Now, I'm not personally in a place to judge the work: after all, I haven't read the damn thing. But if what I've heard is true, then HS^2 seems almost irredeemably bad. There's a chance, however, that the HICU will be able to turn this around. By taking the writing in a new direction, proving to the fandom that they know what they're doing, and trying their best to fix this, they might just be able to make this work.

James Roach and the rest of the HICU seem genuinely very passionate about Homestuck. It's clear that they love this universe and only want the best for it; and I think that's the most important thing.

If there's one thing that has defined the Homestuck fandom for the past few years, it's been cynicism. You'd be hard-pressed to find a single fan who thought Homestuck had any sort of future ahead of it outside of Hiveswap; post-canon was practically dead, Andrew Hussie had long since moved on to greener, clown-filled pastures, and a large, faceless corporation with seemingly no interest in the IP had become the publisher. Suffice to say, it wasn't a good time to be a Homestuck fan.

But now, with the formation of the HICU, there's something the Homestuck fandom hasn't seen in a long, long time: hope. There is a chance, however slim, that Homestuck will be getting new, well-written, well-characterized content. Homestuck has a future, it has a chance at redemption!

I just hope that James Roach and the rest of the HICU don't fuck this up. Maybe, just maybe, if we're fucking lucky, Homestuck can leave this years-long slump.

Alright, I'm done rambling. I've got a lot of stuff to read: after all, I don't want to miss the return of Homestuck, no matter how it turns out!

[callipraxia]

Thanks for answering my other Ask!

I haven't read it yet, because I wanted to get this other planned Ask out first, but I am going to try to read ur Answer soon! And once again, thank u for answering it.

Anyways, just wanted to say: "From the first seven pages of the School Year Fic manuscript,"

"ut oh, it felt good to work again! So, rather late in the month, I have decided to make so bold as to set myself some 2024 writing goals:

1: Finish my three unfinished experiments (“A Year of Living Magically,” “Tracey’s Journal,” and “The Unexpected Memoirs of Fiddleford H. McGucket”). If successful, then never, ever touch first-person PoV ever again.

2: Complete and begin revising a typed draft of the still-untitled school year fic.

2a: think of a decent title for the school year fic

3: Finally write that essay about “Little Gift Shop of Horrors.”

4: At least finish the reading for the Ford essay, and decide what the thesis of that thing is even going to be at this point.

5: Start a new series. Working title is “Cipher’s Rejects.” I have a first volume worked out in my head and beyond that, my ideas begin and end with a couple of song lyrics, so that should be fun."

Good luck with all these and that I am really excited for these and/or any other GF and/or etc. plans u may have.

(Though, no rush. Like, I can wait and stuff. Motivation can be fickle and writing can take awhile. And etc.).

I am esp. excited for "Cipher's Rejects" just based on that name alone, and the school year fic sounds like the kind of fic I would really love.

Also gonna try to check out ur non-revised and/or etc. Ford essay u posted, that should be fun.

Seeing some recent reblogs talking about Ford and Bill (and others) - which were interesting and fun to read - certainly show the Ford essay(s) will be fine. Like Ford beng kind of trigger-happy (and angey and stuff). LIke in TBOB hiim going on rant about how Rudokoph should have burned down the North Pole to ground or something like for making fun of his deformity (man, people REALLY made fun of ur six fingers, huh, Ford. The poor dude. Though, this reaction is knd of extreme. Funny though, and very Ford honestly).

Or something I always think of (one of my favorite lines and/or scenes from one of my favorite episodes) where Ford pulls out a gun super right away, saying "Your math is no match for math!" (lol). So funnily trigger-happy. Tbf though, this could have worked, but in this case it didn't. Luckily, Stan was able to think of something and help save everyone.

And the talks about Bill being kind of a spiteful ex (lmao) and Ford trying to get Ford to destroy and rule and stuff everything with him.

Anyways, all those talks by you and others were interesting, and I am quite certain the Ford essay; both current and the revised one, will be interesting.

Last of all, that reblog of a post talking about how the Dipper that lost Mabel to Smile Dip hurt me. Like, such a mundane, and a very real feeling kind of death (even though Smile Dip - It is Smile Dip, right? - is kind of out there), and just how much guilt and how destroyed Dipper would feel from this.

Like, The Society of Blind Eye Dipper basically, Soul Dipper, Amulet Mabel (in my mind Amulet Dipper also exists too out there. Considering all the canon timelines and/or universes and fan stuff, it is very likely, at least.. Also, Reverse Falls is real - close to canon/basically canon in my heart - to me. I love it), Gnome Queen Mabel, Digital World Dipper, etc., etc. already got me, and were so dark and depressing, and got me so interested and stuff.

But seeing someone talk about that universe and/or timeline too also made me realize how dark and depressing that one was too, and how much story potential it has too (along with the others. And/or stuff based and/or inspired on the others, but not exactly those universes or something and/or etc.).

Alright, done with my Asks (for) now with this!

See u for now! And have a great whatever time it is for ya. ^^

2/2.

I was...perhaps a touch over-optimistic at the start of the year/after one good day, but I did write half a chapter of the 'Unexpected Memoirs' the other day, and I've had several essays this year, one of which was pretty popular. Slowly, slowly, I claw my way back, lol. Thanks for the support! 

The Rudolph Rant somehow managed to pass through my head without making much of an impression the first time I read it, but I've become a bit obsessed with it since then. It's a moment that tells us so much about Ford's state of mind at the time...and, although it's probably mostly a joke, it could also hint at just how close he might have been to tipping over the edge into villainy. Bill’s great mistake there may (this thought is still only half-formed) have been *over*-identification – either he didn’t/couldn’t quite accept that Ford was, after all, a person separate from himself (and therefore liable to act and react in ways Bill wouldn’t have), or Bill had some kind of Ledger-Joker-esque complex where he deliberately wanted to break everyone down to seeing the world his way, or at least do that to everyone who he takes into his gang, but either way, it may have been the key miscalculation in his strategy. If he had been able to see past that...well, I’m not sure it would have ultimately been very good for Bill anyway, on the millions-of-years scale at least, but if he’d played on Ford’s existing desires and rationalization superpower instead and presented taking over the world as a way to do a good thing, he probably could have slippery-sloped him into pretty terrifying territory in a relatively short period of time.

That was both clever and gloomy of the Death-By-Smile-Dip OP, and it makes a degree of sense. Officially, Smile Dip was expired candy, but it reads pretty clearly as Mabel doing a frightening quantity of psychedelic drugs...plus, if I’m not too far mistaken, the dog she was hallucinating is locked up in the same ward as Bill in the end, and that has odd and unsettling implications in-universe as well. I hadn’t considered that last bit until I typed this, but now that I did...if I’m right and the dog in the Theraprism is the same as the dog in Mabel’s Smile Dip hallucinations, then death might actually have been a good way from the most horrifying outcome she could have gotten out of that experience...I’d reblogged the post because I’d started rambling about whether or not all the angry alt-Pineses were actually dead (since there’s lots of ways the Pineses could have not ended up with the same outcomes which technically didn’t kill any of them), but erased that after I wandered by accident from there and into the multiple levels of horror that could be involved with Mabel the Gnome Queen...ended up concluding that GQM was actually probably luckier if she was dead. Not that this would probably make her any happier about it/about her alt-selves and the alt-Dippers who either escaped or got rescued (since a plausible backstory for GQM could easily involve the gnomes killing or permanently disabling Dipper during his efforts to rescue her).  

...Yeah, I’m not writing that, so if anyone else wants it, steal away and just drop me a link when you post it.  

[writingquestionsanswered]

How long is a normal length of time to work on an outline? (Sorry this kinda turned into a ramble) I decided to actually sit down and outline a novel I started in 2018 but dropped, mainly because I had no idea where I was going with it. During the pandemic, I discovered the wonder of actually outlining and sticking to a schedule-ish, and I managed to write a couple of short novels. Now, to myself, I call these "practice novels". They're not that good, but I needed something to practice with so I took really old stories I had discarded and just wrote them down, I had the time and needed something to write. Now, I wrote a short novel in January-March last year that came out really good, maybe the best I've written so far, and in November I started a sequel and finished it a little over a month ago. It also came out really nice. Now, it's normal for me to start thinking of my next project when I'm about to wrap up the one I'm currently working on, and this time I decided I was going to work on this 2018 project. It's also normal for me to take some time off to cool down when I just finished something, reread and revise, and basically get some rest before I get in the mood to write again. Now, a friend of mine has been asking repeatedly why haven't I written in so long and if something had happened. She even recommended me some books to get me inspired again. And honestly? I don't really feel in the mood to write yet, and I feel like my outline is still incomplete. I'm doing research and taking my time to properly develop the characters and the story. I already had a go with this one once and dropped it. This time I want to do it right, I don't want to rush it, I really like the story and the characters and want to make the best I can out of it. I kinda feel pressured by this friend but I also feel like I should just follow my gut and prepare the way I feel best.

Spending a While in the Pre-Write Phase

Every writer is different, and every project is different, so there's no right or wrong amount of time to spend outlining your story or in the pre-write phase in general. The only potential definition of "too long" there is would be spending so long outlining/in pre-write that you never actually write the story.

"Percolating" and Practice Matter

If you're not quite ready to work on this story because you feel the ideas need more time to percolate, that's absolutely fine. You should trust your gut on that and not friends who are pressuring you to write. But if you're not actively engaging in the pre-write phase of this story... for example, outlining, world building, developing characters, etc., it might at least be worth considering doing some writing prompts to exercise your writing brain in the meantime. Writing is a lot like bike riding in that you won't forget how to do it if you don't do it for a long time, but the required muscles lose their strength just a little bit. So things like reading, journaling, and doing writing prompts are some good ways to keep those writing muscles engaged. And you can even do writing prompts related to the story you're outlining, too. The first nine suggestions in Getting Unstuck: Motivation Beyond Mood Boards & Playlists has some story-related prompts you can try out. Getting Excited About Your Story Again has some other story-related prompts that are fun and can help you flesh out your characters and setting in surprising ways.

It's Okay to Politely Tell Writer Friends to Chill

All relationships take work, even relationships with writer friends, and those can be particularly prickly because part of being writer friends is to help motivate one another, but there can be a delicate line between motivating and nagging. Sometimes people don't realize they're crossing that line. So when you feel like a writer friend is putting pressure on you, don't be afraid to say, "Hey, I really appreciate your support and the motivation you give me, but right now I'm focusing on taking a little break to clear my head and let this old story percolate a bit before I start working on it."

I hope that helps! ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[abrushwithdeath]

((Hey, everyone!

I wanted to give an update on things while I have some time! I'm okay, I'm still here, and I've got no intentions of fully leaving! I've just been very, very, busy and incredibly stressed out, so on my days off, I've mostly just been... relaxing and playing games or watching youtube or reading because my brain refuses to cooperate with me long enough to get more than a couple paragraphs of writing done... if that ^^;

Now, to give a more thorough update for anyone who's curious about how soul crushing retail jobs are and why, exactly, I've been having a terrible time of things lately... (This is gonna be long, so feel free to skim or ignore it entirely):

Basically- I work at a retail store where we sell a lot of home decor and furnishings (including outdoor furniture) and such. Bed Bath and Beyond went out of business and they were literally like just down the street from us which means that, now, we're the biggest retailer of that kind of stuff in the area... which wouldn't be so awful if that didn't mean such a MASSIVE rise in our inventory levels the last month or two. The worst part? We were informed just last week that our inventory is only going to grow even further in the coming months. Which is especially annoying for me because, as the soft home coordinator (meaning that I'm the lead for the section with dec pillows, throws, all bedding, bath, curtains, rugs, etc) my inventory levels, specifically, have gone up the most drastically. I've already had just over a 33% increase in bedding, alone, and closer to 40% for JUST outdoor pillows compared to what I had last year (other sections have seen about a 15% increase, to give you a comparison), and, as I said before, it's only supposed to get worse from here. The biggest issue with that is that we're a store that is on the smaller side- like, we're a retail chain store, yes, but our actual, physical, space in our store, specifically, isn't that big. And we were already running at almost full capacity BEFORE the increase in product. Our sales haven't gone up much to cover the increased inventory levels, either, so we've got a backroom full of back stock (in our store, we aren't supposed to have ANY back stock, mind you- it's not like walmart or something, we're meant to get EVERYTHING out that we get in each week before the next truck) and we have nowhere to put it. We've done intensive markdowns every week for the last month. To put it into perspective- our markdowns are usually one half of the store one week, then two week after that we mark down stuff in the other half (markdowns usually take a day and a half with 3-4 people doing them, but it's been a 3 to 4 day process every week currently with even MANAGEMENT helping to get things marked down). The last 2 weeks (and the first of these 4 weeks, too) have included full markdowns in my sections, specifically, because they're trying to sell stuff to make space for all the extra inventory that I'm getting in... but nobody is buying the marked down stuff either, really, because we just don't have the kind of sales to keep up with this. It was chaotic before, but now we're literally at Christmas levels of inventory (which is, as with most places, the time when we get the most stuff in) but without the sales levels that we have at the holidays.

So what I'm saying is- work has been super stressful and everyone, especially in lead positions (my position and higher) have been all but ripping our hair out trying to figure out what to do with everything because there's WAY too much stuff and not enough sales to make up for it. I usually have one aisle and a couple B-endcaps of markdowns that then sell down to be just the one aisle. Currently, I have an aisle and a half, 9 B-endcaps (which is all of my back endcaps except ONE), a bedding fixture, the last 4 foot section taken out of 4 different aisles, a half wall (between 5 and 6 feet tall, 16 feet wide) and an 8 foot section of the back wall that are all JUST markdowns from my section alone. That is THAT much space that I don't have to put out new stuff (and they're sending 2 trucks a week instead of just one now). To make matters worse... our store doesn't count marked down stock as "inventory" so they don't account for the space that it takes up when sending things (aside from the one aisle for each section that's designated as clearance)... which is just... so fucking stupid??? We've also got to start thinking about holiday inventory coming in because we're supposed to be getting Halloween stuff early next month.

-----

So... TL;DR: Retail sucks and I'm not paid nearly enough for the stress that I've been under lately from work ^^; So me not being around much is literally just because I've been exhausted from work. I'm really, REALLY, hoping that my vacation next month will be enough to help me relax a bit. I'm not going anywhere- I just needed to NOT be at work xD

With all that said- I'm sorry for not being here much. It's just been a lot. I've mostly been reading or watching stuff on my days off because my brain cannot and will not cooperate with writing. In good news, though- I've been re-reading and annotating my copies of the Hunger Games books because I know the prequel movie is coming out this year, and it's been kind of making me want to write (which is how I got that one reply done the other night xD). So HOPEFULLY that'll continue to help!

In the meantime, thank you to everyone who has been patient with me. It means a lot to know that I can come back here and still have a few people who will want to write with me <3 Ya'll are fantastic and I love you so very much <3

Take care and I'll try to get to a thing or two tonight or on Friday when I finally have another day off!))

[magpiefngrl]

2022 Fandom Review

This year I spent the least time on fannish activities than any year since late 2016 when I fell headfirst into drarry and got veritably obsessed. However, I met most of my goals/wishes for the year so yay!

Looking at the wishes I had 12 months ago:

1. One of the things I wished to rectify was to read some longfic, esp fics that I've heard a lot about and never got round to. I didn't read as many as I'd like but I managed a few: Tepre's Grounds For Divorce, Astolat's Heal Thyself, Varnes's phenomenal SNL AU live in new york, Running on Air by eleventy7, and Mr. Webster's Wager by fahye and [orphan account]. I enjoyed the chance to read some much discussed works and to immerse myself in a longer story. (There were more long fics in my TBR but I haven't been in a fanfic mood in several months so this is as far as the project has taken me.)

2. The goal was: enjoy fandom when I can and I did well there. I found the sweet spot where I can enjoy fandom without feeling pressure to contribute more or guilt that I'm not doing more or feel that I'm missing out by not doing/reading/watching X or Y.

3. This is my biggest achievement this year and a wholly unexpected one: I finished my WIP, a story that I love to pieces, which I'd stalled halfway through for years. It pained me to have it unfinished and the pressure of it hung above my head, always, when I even thought of any other writing. And now it's done! 9 ½ Days has been completed! I've been telling myself every New Year's Day "this year I'll finish the story!" and every time I made small progress (say, post a chapter) but nothing more. I'm beyond thrilled this fic is done. It's the only thing I wrote this year, fandom-wise, but it's such a huge deal for me that it's enough.

4. My last goal was to find a way to post regular updates of my writing progress so I can keep myself motivated to write more. That didn't work out so well. One reason was that I wrote little this year and the other was that my writing update posts disheartened me rather than motivated me. I do post a monthly review thing on DreamWidth which also includes what I read and watched that month and which I might continue doing next year too. It worked well as a post reflecting on the previous month but it didn't motivate me to write more or anything.

Fandom Goals for 2023:

1. There are a couple of fics in my folders that I'd really like to finish and post. Esp one of them, inspired by the summer writin challenge I created a year ago. I really want to see that fic to the end.

2. Take part in Yuletide. This is a fandom bucket item, something I've wanted to do for ages. Perhaps 2023 is the year?

[domdannyandrews]

letters to nate

danny passes the time and anxiety by writing letters to his boyfriend while he's locked in a cell

mentions: @dom-i-nate @daisyblossomsub @switchingolliesmythe @switchreggie @noah-andrews

11.16.23

It's only been eight hours since you were taken, Ares. This might be a little pathetic of me, but I miss you already. Daisy and I both do. I'm incredibly aware that my experience is nothing compared to what you and Ollie are going through, but this feels like torture. I can't talk to you, touch you, kiss you - we haven't even been official for a month and I already feel like you're such a part of me that I can't be whole unless I know you're all right.

Which, I know is intense. I know I can be intense when it comes to how I feel about people. I've had a lot of self-control practice with Daisy, so I can tone all this down if I'm too much at any time. I know you've been through hell, and having a overenthusiastic golden retriever of a boyfriend might be a lot sometimes. You just have to let me know when I'm being too overwhelming.

Only exception is when you come back. I think I'm allowed to be a little overwhelming then. (Daisy just read this over my shoulder and laughed. Not sure if I should be insulted or not. I pinched her ass either way.)

71 hours.

11.17.23

Day 2. At least I got to see you for a little while today. I wanted to punch that fucking guard that made me leave you. And the one who put those marks on your beautiful body. As stupid as it would be, and I know it would be. I'm well aware of the consequences I would suffer - but none of that matters when it's you being hurt. Or Daisy, or Ollie, Noah, Reggie - you get the idea.

I need to stop thinking about it so I don't punch something. I went to the gym for a while after, wailed on the bag. My shoulders are killing me from how hard I went. I swear I wrapped my hands, but I guess my rage was stronger than wrap. Daisy gave me hell for coming back with a couple split knuckles. I honestly didn't even notice until she mentioned it. Blind rage can be fun like that.

All this to say - there's no limit I can think of to how I would go to bat for you, baby.

I gotta cut this short - it's late, and I would give anything to have you in my bed between our girl and me.

39 hours.

11.18.23

Day 3. Daisy had to hold me back while we were forced to watch that damn auction. You looked worse than yesterday. And Ollie - Daisy had to physically block me from running to him when I heard him scream for you. Neither of you are ever going back there. Not for one of these stupid trips, and definitely not for real. I don't care if I have to find a way to smuggle us all to some commune beyond the system's reach. It's not happening.

Speaking of - what are you looking to do after we get out of here? I always thought I would wind up running my dad's business, but when he passed away, I had to pivot. I couldn't do that and come here. His old supervisors have taken over, and while I'm cool with being part of the big decisions, I don't think I want to run it. I was thinking of trying to become a vet. I've always loved animals. It would be hard work, but I think it would be worth it to try. and the good thing about that is we don't have to be anywhere in particular. So if there's somewhere you want to go, or Daisy or (hopefully) Ollie, we can plan around that - because right now I can't see a future where you're not in it with me.

18 hours.

11.19.23

You'll be back in an hour. 60 minutes, and I can hold you again. Daisy and I have been losing our minds - but she's got everything set. I helped, I swear. I did the heavy lifting like laundry and all that.

Words can't describe how badly I need you back in my arms. How I need to see you and Daisy together, you and Ollie, to know this is real and not some dream. I know I'm jumping the gun, nothing is set in stone, but in my gut, this feels right, Nate. I'm not naive enough to think there won't be roadblocks or hard times. I just know this is worth it. We're worth it.

It hasn't even been half a year and I know I was meant to find you. There's no other explanation for how we just click. You're the reality check when I get too far ahead of myself. The brute strength when I can't summon my own. And I can't think of anything that would make me change my mind about you.

47 minutes.

This is crazy. It's sudden and wonderful and scary. I have to say this though, before I absolutely lose my mind. There's no pressure to say it back, because I want you to be sure if you ever say the words to me. But you need to know this.

I love you, Nate Mantle.

23 minutes.

See you soon, baby.